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Review: WWF from Boston Garden; 3/18/1989.

Tony and Lord Alfred are sitting at ringside for this much awaited event... ___________________   First match is the Young Stallions vs. Los Conquistadors.   - The Conquistadors constant switching in and out is always nice. But I'm not interested in the match at all. It's an okay match, I just don't care. A Roma missile dropkick leads to the pinfall victory for the Young Stallions at 14:58. **. ___________________   Judy Martin vs. Rockin' Robin is teh fast forward time. Sorry. ___________________   Mr. Perfect vs. Ronnie Garvin is the next bout.   - I've never seen Garvin so juiced up. Most everyone hit the juice real hard once they went up north, so I'm not surprised. Lots of chop trading and overselling. And chinlocks!   - GARVIN STOMP. Yeah, that's lame. Perfect reverses a Garvin crossbody from the top for the win at 14:23. *1/2. Too much chinlocking. ___________________   Leaping Lanny Poffo read us a WrestleMania V promo...he's gone heel now! Got quite a bit of heat. ___________________   The Brainbusters vs. The Rockers is up...   - Oh God, what a match this is going to be. Stereo dropkicks by the Rockers! After Arn's in for oh, about ten minutes, Tully tags in, and the Rockers give them stereo FIGURE-FOURS!   - Tony calling a match with Tully and Arn involved is TOO NWA for me. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Jannetty's been in for a really long time. Once Shawn makes the tag and the Rockers go on a roll, Shawn hits a big splash from Marty's shoulders onto Tully, but Arn pulls the referee out. So, the Brainbusters get disqualified at 22:27. What a lengthy match. Good stuff, but lacking oomph. And a finish. I believe their match at MSG that's on the Shawn DVD was better. ***1/2. ___________________   The Brooklyn Brawler is set to face The Red Rooster.   - Poor Terry Taylor. Brawler teased leaving, but, you know, he came back. Chinlocks are far too numerous in this bout, and seeing as the crowd didn't care in the first place, I don't blame the two for their use of them. Taylor wins with a backslide at 11:22. Yes, a backslide. *. ___________________   Bad News Brown vs. Hercules looks, um, strange.   - Yeah, strange. Bad News would've been a good dude to use during the Attitude Era. Bad News uses weapons, like the bell and a wooden chair. Both men fly to the outside, that's a double countout at 6:04. Bad News dumped Hercules to the outside, but the chain scared Bad News away. Throwaway match. 1/2*. ___________________   The Rougeau Brothers and Dino Bravo w/Frenchy Martin are set to face Jim Duggan and the Bushwhackers.   - All American Boys! Love that song. However, oh God, the Bushwhackers. Could've done without them. I hate these comedy matches, but this one has a lot more serious wrestling. Duggan cleans house, then hits Raymond with the 2x4, allowing Butch to pick up the pinfall victory at 11:35. 3/4*. ___________________   Big Bossman w/Slick is set to take on Hulk Hogan inside of a Steel Cage.   - Great main. Fast action early, as Slick tosses Bossman a chain. Referee opened the door to check both guys after the chainshot, and Hogan's up at 9. Hogan can't get through the door, so he suplexes Bossman instead. Hogan hits Bossman with the chain, and he's busted wide open. You could see the marks from Bossman's bladejob earlier in the day. Quite clearly! Big legdrop, up the cage, but Slick's holding on tight to Hogan's leg. Hogan kicks him away, and crotches Bossman on the top. He takes Slick's handcuffs, handcuffs Bossman to the top rope, and Hogan goes over and out for the win at 9:17. Hogan hits Bossman with the ringbell and tosses Slick into the cage. Hogan poses in the ring, and the show's over.   Their match earlier in the day at MSG was better. I remember it from an old Hulkamania video I rented at the old videostore a long time back. I could be mistaken, but I am 100% sure that match had a Hogan superplex from the top of the cage. This one was only ***. I don't know how they were able to run both MSG and Boston Garden in one day. Crazy. All the matches had the same winner, and in the case of Bad News/Hercules, the same double countout. ___________________   Rating: Good. Too much crud to wade through, but having two *** matches on a show from the 80's is a positive.   Best Segment: I love cage matches. Rockers/Busters was better, but cage matches are my favorite. So the main event. AGAIN.   Worst Segment: Bad News vs. Hercules really sucked. ___________________   ECW time next time. Living Dangerously 1999.
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Review: WCW Monday Nitro and WWF Monday Night RAW from 8/11/1997.

After Road Wild, and The Giant has been given a restraining order. Oh Lord, these angles suck. Also, we're from Denver! ___________________   The Wolfpac come out, talk about the Steiners, and then, The Outsiders take on two jobbers.   - The Steiners music hit, which introduced the Outsiders opponents. How cute. Nash jackknifes the one with red hair for the win at 1:28. 1/4*. Lame. Steiners run through the crowd and beat the Wolfpac up. Good! ___________________   Meng is taking on Wrath w/James Vandenberg...   - They meet in the aisle, and Meng beats him up on the inside. Haku vs. Adam Bomb is the stuff of dreams. Meng applies the TONGAN DEATH GRIP, which gets THE WIN at 2:40. So, Wrath's first TV loss is to a lower midcard guy in less than three minutes. That makes a lot of sense. *. Mortis and Barbarian run down to beat each other up. ___________________   The Steiners and Ted DiBiase are with Gene Okerlund, for an interview. They say that the Outsiders were lucky to have had such an incompetent official for their match at Road Wild. ___________________   Eddie Guerrero faces Chris Jericho here...   - One of many matches soon to take place between these two. After Jericho german's Eddie on his head, he gives Eddie a GIANT SWING. Eddie crotches Jericho on the top rope, and FROG SPLASHES him from all the way across the ring. All over at 4:33. **1/4. Entertaining. ___________________   Alex Wright invades during a Nitro Girl performance, then cuts a promo about how bad these fans are. ___________________ Now we've got Dean Malenko against Jeff Jarrett w/Debra for the US Title.   - Road Wild explains this matchup. Read the results. Jarrett wanted to leave the area, but an appearance from Mongo brought him back to the ring. Some WarGames hype follows from our commentary crew, and then Dean applies the TEXAS CLOVERLEAF. Eddie Guerrero runs in, and along with Jarrett, beats Dean up for the DQ at 4:13 (shown). *1/2. Mongo hits all the heels, and Dean beats up Mongo when he comes to. Weird. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Curt Hennig and Ric Flair...then the other Four Horsemen come out, and they talk about Hennig's match against Savage later tonight, and the Clash XXXV tag between Hennig & Flair who are facing Konnan and Syxx. ___________________   Hour #2 begins, with Scott Norton and Eric Bischoff coming down to the ring. The Giant was supposed to face Norton, but this whole restraining order thing got in the way. Other NWO guys came out and sung happy birthday to Hogan...so, the guy wins the World Title on the previous night and doesn't come to TV the next day. That makes a ton of sense. Buff Bagwell spraypaints the fifty feet line, and the Giant comes out to cross it. WHOA. Larry Z comes out to bring him back, and Scott Hall toothpicks Larry. They nearly fight. All done! ___________________   Lex Luger calls out Hulk Hogan, and then, we have Buff Bagwell w/Vincent vs. DDP.   - Strange matchup. Not very entertaining, although competitive. DIAMOND CUTTER finishes at 4:09 after Vincent botches interference. *. ___________________   On the Road... ___________________   We've got Mortis w/James Vandenberg vs. Ultimo Dragon for the Television Title...   - Now THIS is a strange matchup. Dragon powerbombs Mortis from the second rope and locks in the DRAGON SLEEPER for the submission at 3:09. *3/4. I do not understand why Mortis and Wrath have been jobbed out tonight. ___________________   JJ Dillon wants Sting back, Sting comes to the ring, and Dillon offers him a contract to face Syxx. Syxx? That's a step down from last week, when Dillon asked him to face Curt Hennig. Sting rips the contract up and leaves. ___________________ In our main event, we have Curt Hennig vs. Randy Savage w/Liz.   - All I can think about while watching this is, if only this had happened 9 years earlier. Page runs down for the no contest at 3:05, and he gets beaten up by Hall and Savage. Elbowdrops galore, as Hennig has been tossed out. Luger runs down, and we have our Clash XXXV main event. Easy as that. 1/2*, end show. ___________________   Rating is poor, didn't care for this at all. Best segment was Eddie/Jericho, worst was Savage/Hennig. Cause it was disappointing, you know? ___________________   RAW this week is from Biloxi, Mississippi. ___________________   Shawn Michaels is out, talking about SummerSlam and such, before the crowd chants that he's gay. "Why don't you ask your mom and sister how gay I am?" Slaughter comes out, spits in Shawn's face, and tells him to face Mankind. Okay. HBK talks about his insurance policy... ___________________ The British Bulldog and Owen Hart are out, to watch Hawk face Henry Godwinn in a Country Whippin' Match.   - To win, you must toss your opponent out of the ring. Both guys have straps, but they are not attached to each other. Owen and Bulldog both challenge the Patriot during commentary...   - Both men's partners run in, and Henry gets knocked out by Animal at 3:48, so Hawk wins. 1/2*. ___________________   Slaughter tosses Pillman his ring gear, as a guy named Tony Williams faces Scott Putski.   - Goldust comes out to watch, because he's going to show us a split-screen view of Pillman putting on his dress. Oh Lord. Pillman's really distraught about this whole situation, and he can't even get the dress on. Polish Hammer wins, I had to open the front door so I don't have the etime. Anyway, Slaughter makes Goldust leave after the match. *. ___________________   Taker's going to watch Shawn Michaels vs. Mankind later. Okay.   Flash Funk is facing Brian Pillman.   - Nice dress! Vince and the crew hype Hardcore Heaven 1997 a bit, then Slaugher says that Bulldog and Owen will face the Patriot and a partner of his choosing. All these fucking cameos during matches are pissing me off. Ridiculous. Goldust comes out, and shows us the footage of Pillman putting on his dress. Funk cradles Pillman from behind for the win at 3:16. *1/4. ___________________   Dude Love comes out, for an interview. It's pretty funny. He talks about the damage Mankind will do to Shawn Michaels, until Shawn Michaels appears on the TitanTron and rebutts these statements. ___________________ Warzone begins, with Owen Hart and the British Bulldog facing the Patriot and his mystery partner...KEN SHAMROCK!   - With Shamrock being the partner, Bulldog is quite terrified. After a commercial, we come back, and Bret Hart is on the walkway. Patriot makes the hot tag, and cleans house. Slaughter keeps Bret from walking down the ramp, and the referee is distracted as well. A chair comes in, the Hart Foundation can't use it, but Patriot full-nelson slams Bulldog onto the chair for the win at 8:06. **. ___________________   Shawn's with his insurance policy...but you can't see his face.   During a Patriot interview, Bret attacks the Patriot. Of course, he kicks his ass. Obviously. ___________________ Faarooq is scheduled to face Chainz...   - This will suck. Chainz clotheslines Faarooq into the referee on accident, and...Rocky Maivia(?) runs into the ring. ROCK BOTTOM on Chainz(!), and Faarooq pins him for the win at 3:04. What a surprise. 1/2*. I like it! ___________________   Sable's supposed to be the ring announcer for this next match, but Patriot comes to the ring and calls out Bret Hart. Bret Hart comes, and they fight. When the Hart Foundation come down, they really kick the Patriot's ass. Nobody runs in either. ___________________   Mankind tells Shawn Michaels that his insurance policy had better be life insurance...   and after a Brakus vignette, we have ___________________   Shawn Michaels vs. Mankind in our main event.   - Mankind brought a trash can. Unfortunately, Shawn put it on Mankind and the trash back stayed on the big lug. All covered up! This is a huge brawl, featuring lots of weird shit. Mick gets backdropped onto the announce table, and then for some reason, Shawn flies off the apron with an elbowdrop onto the announce table. These two have good chemistry. After Shawn rans Mankind's head into the post and back suplexes him onto the announce table, HHH and Chyna make their way out, as we head to a commercial.   - We're back, and Mankind's mask has been ripped off. RICK RUDE(!) walks down to the ring, stands there for a moment, and then grabs a chair. He clocks Mick in the head with it, and SWEET CHIN MUSIC leads to the pinfall victory at 8:42. ***1/2 for an outstanding TV match. Undertaker heads down to the ring, but Paul Bearer shows up on the TitanTron. KANE IS COMING. You will BURN IN HELL!   So yeah, show over. ___________________   Raw was good this time around, best segment was HBK/Mankind and the worst was Putski/Williams, in which we had to watch Pillman get dressed. Ugh.   Way better than Nitro. ___________________   REVIEW WCW THUNDER       Yeah, I'm reviewing that next.  
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Review: WWF King of the Ring 1994, 6/16/1994; from Baltimore, Maryland.

It took me a while to watch this, but I finally did. I had to make time. ___________________   After our National Anthem and introduction of our commentary team (including Art Donovan!), we have Razor Ramon taking on Bam Bam Bigelow in a King of the Ring Quarterfinal Bout.   - Nearly forgot, Bam Bam's accompanied by his MAIN SQUEEZE, Luna Vachon. Like the matchup.   - Razor toothpicked Luna, which allowed Bam Bam to attack. Back and forth stuff, until a Bam Bam resthold, which is a TORTURE RACK. Seriously. Bam Bam goes to the top after some nice moves, but Razor schoolboy's him from the top rope for the victory at 8:25.   Crowd's happy, but the match was nothing special at all. While I liked the matchup, the match itself wasn't so good in execution. Glad we didn't see more from these two, and if we did on television, I haven't seen it. *3/4. ___________________   Todd Pettingill is with Mabel and IRS, and Irwin cuts a bad promo. He does that quite a bit. Mabel's, however, is okay. ___________________ IRS vs. Mabel w/Oscar is obviously our next Quarterfinal Match.   - Oscar raps. That's about it. IRS walks out with no music, and talks about the tax cheats that are populating our crowd tonight.   - I hate Mabel, btw. I hate Art Donovan too. That said, this match could be much worse. Mabel goes up to the second rope, but IRS shakes the ropes, knocking him down. IRS pins Mabel, for the victory at 5:39.   While saying it could be much worse, it's still bad. Bad enough to slap a 1/2* on it and do my best to forget the whole thing. THE WHOLE THING. ___________________   While Stan Lane does an interview with Lex Luger, we watch the video that led to Lex Luger not being able to make the King of the Ring proceedings tonight, as he lost to Jeff Jarrett. Crush attacked. ___________________   Tatanka is facing Owen Hart in our third King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match...   - All that pink. Nice to see Owen. My cousin thinks that Tatanka will win, btw.   - Razor and IRS were fighting in the back, as Owen and Tatanka went to a chinlock. Good timing! Tatanka tries a sunset flip during his comeback, but Owen sits on him for the three count at 8:20.   Quite good. Better than I remembered as well. Tatanka's no **** guy, but he could work back in the day. Which was good, I mean, with that gimmick and all. **3/4. ___________________   Todd Pettingill is with Shawn Michaels and Diesel, interviewing them before Diesel's big match later on. We flashback to their attack on Bret Hart during RAW a few weeks ago, as well. ___________________   In our last King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match, we have Jeff Jarrett vs. The 1-2-3 Kid.   - Jarrett's ring attire is always really homosexual. The way Art Donovan asks about everyone is super annoying. Is it too much to ask that the guest commentator be educated about the product?   - Jarrett gives Kid a SLINGSHOT SUPLEX...awesome. If I was a wrestler, some variation of that would be my finisher. Kid pushed Jarrett off the top and crossbodied him for two, I haven't watched this in a while, but I was sure it was over. Jarrett tries a FIGURE-FOUR, but Kid cradles him for the win at 4:39. Jarrett attacks after the match...ONE PILEDRIVER. TWO PILEDRIVER. THREE PILEDRIVER. I believe the 1-2-3 Kid has died.   **1/2, post-match attack included. How could anyone not like that beatdown. I'll reference this beatdown later. ___________________   A video for the New Generation shows up (also to be referenced later), and then, Bret Hart cuts a promo. Obviously, for the next match. ___________________   Champion vs. Champion, Diesel (Intercontinental Champion) w/Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart w/Jim Neidhart for the World Wrestling Federation Championship.   - Bret's new theme debuts. Description of this match and others in the future that I find to be needing it will be more detailed. We'll see if Diesel carries his share of the load. After Diesel missed a charge and his knee rammed into the ringpost, Bret went to work. Really went to work. Shawn clotheslines Bret with the referees back turned, ending that. So Neidhart gives chase, but he can't catch Shawn.   - Diesel botches a bearhug, and winds up in Bret's guard on the canvas. OOPS, wrong form of entertainment. Bret misses a pescado, as the ten minute mark passes...   - Constant double teams on Bret follow, and with the referee distracted, Shawn loosens a turnbuckle pad. I suppose Diesel has carried his share of the load. Bret rams Diesel into the exposed turnbuckle, and applies the SHARPSHOOTER. Shawn's going nuts on the outside, and when Diesel gets out of the hold, he can't even do an Irish whip. That blown up. Bret gives Diesel a ROLLING BOSTON CRAB when Diesel stands over him, but Diesel makes the ropes. Diesel hits Neidhart and Shawn clocks Bret with a title belt, then Diesel elbowdrops Bret, for two. Neidhart runs in, and clotheslines Diesel after a JACKKNIFE on Bret, leading to a DQ win for Diesel at 22:51. Then Neidhart leaves, and Shawn piledrives Bret, leading to officials making their entry and forcing the heels to the back.   Epic carryjob from Bret here. No doubt Nash's best match to that point. ***1/2, even though he was blown up near the end. ___________________   After Pettingill interviews Jerry Lawler, we have Razor Ramon vs. IRS in our first King of the Ring Semifinal Match.   - IRS cuts an awful promo, one the likes of which cannot even be repeated in seriousness. Geez, keep the guy away from the mic. One good thing about this, it's the end of Razor and IRS' little vendetta. Razor dominates a boring contest, and finishes with THE EDGE at 5:13.   *. Not bery fun. ___________________ Todd Pettingill was supposed to interview the 1-2-3 Kid, but he didn't show up for the interview. HOWEVER, he made it to the ring for his King of the Ring Semifinal Match against Owen Hart.   - Owen gave Kid a baseball slide to start, which hurt Kid's neck even more. Then both guys go to war. Could you imagine if this match had gone, say, 12-15 minutes? Owen powerbombs Kid on a Kid rana attempt, and Owen locks in the SHARPSHOOTER. Kid gives at 3:38.   Wow, what a short little match. *** easy. Felt like WCW Nitro with the bumps and overall shortness. ___________________   Stan Lane and Ted DiBiase are talking during a 900 line thing, then we have Yokozuna and Crush w/Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette vs. The Headshrinkers w/Captain Lou Albano and Afa for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   - Fatworld. Would it have been so hard to have the Steiners hold the belts longer or more often? Seriously, after the Bret/Owen breakup, have the Quebecers drop the belts. Not some bullshit with Men on a Mission. Not interested in this match, but I like this version of Crush much better. He's a tough dude.   - Lex Luger ran down and distracted Crush, but it didn't lead to a Headshrinker victory. Close though. Fatu superkicks Crush, and that does get the win at 9:34. Luger and Crush fight, and the Headshrinkers come in to help Luger get the best of it. Yay!   Who cares, really, just a throwaway matchup involving a makeshift team and a pile of shit team. *1/2. Meaningless. ___________________   Todd Pettingill interviews Owen Hart before his match with Razor Ramon, in the King of the Ring Final. Nothing important was said.   - I like Razor's back suplex off the top. Owen backdrops him out on a RAZOR'S EDGE attempt, and the Anvil comes down to clothesline Razor. Uh...   - Owen comes off the top with a big elbowdrop, getting the pinfall win at 6:36.   Sizeable babyface reaction, not that I blame anyone. Owen was always very likeable, even during this phase. **1/4. ___________________   While they're putting the boots to Razor, Raymond Rougeau is with Bret Hart, who doesn't really care about Owen's King of the Ring victory.   Coronation. Owen makes Todd Pettingill get on his knees, and then proclaims himself to be the KING OF HARTS! ___________________   Finally, our main event, which exemplifies our NEW GENERATION. Jerry Lawler vs. Roddy Piper.   - Lawler talked trash, before Piper's bagpipe entrance. Lawler humiliated some kid on RAW, and Piper brings the kid with him to the ring. Piper came to kick ass, he says.   - This isn't as bad as I thought it would be. When I watched this show the first time around, I used my fast-forward button. A piledriver occurs, which has lost its impact after the four times it's been used earlier. Lawler has brass knuckles, hits Piper, as the referee is out. The kid keeps Lawler from getting the win, and Piper back suplexes Lawler for the win at 12:16.   Thank God that's over. A DUD for sure. Of course, I'm trying to be nice. That match was awful. ___________________   Rating: Poor. A very poor outing from the WWF. Owen winning KotR is choice. The rest, blah.   Best Segment: Bret vs. Diesel. Strange with the Anvil and all.   Worst: Lawler vs. Piper. Duh. ___________________   I'll review RAW and Nitro sometime soon.  
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Review: WWF King of the Ring 1993, from Dayton, Ohio; 6/13/1993.

Here we go, the first King of the Ring on PPV! ___________________   Ross, Savage, and Heenan on commentary. And we jump right to...Razor Ramon vs. Bret Hart in a King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match.   - This is also a rematch from the Royal Rumble, in case you forgot. Both guys are O-V-E-R. There's a big 1-2-3 chant in reference to Razor's loss to the Kid a few weeks ago. I haven't seen that in a while.   - Razor clotheslines Bret, sets him up on top for a back suplex, but Bret lands on top, picking up the pinfall victory at 10:27. So, Bret advances to the semifinals, to face the winner of our next bout. Also, I must mention that Razor stomped on Bret's fingers at some point in the match.   -When Razor wants to work, he can. I thought that Bret's cradle after slipping out of the Edge would be the victory, but it wasn't. Always nice to be surprised. Anyhow, I've got no problem slapping a ***1/4 rating on this. Wrestling was good, crowd loved it, and I did too. All that needs to happen, did. ___________________   We look to Superstars, when Giant Gonzalez and the Undertaker were fighting. Then Mr. Hughes came in, and hit the Undertaker with his own urn. Hughes stole it, too. ___________________   Quite obviously, that means Mr. Hughes w/Harvey Wippleman is going to face Mr. Perfect in a King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match.   - Anyone who wrestles while wearing sunglasses is fine by me. We go to a split-screen in which Bret Hart says that he'd rather face Mr. Perfect than Mr. Hughes. Ok. Hughes botches a Perfect crossbody attempt, so he and Perfect dosey-do down to the canvas. That was funny.   - Hughes grabs the stolen urn, and hits Perfect with it for the DQ loss at 6:01. Ugh. Dumb finish. Especially made dumb by Hughes not ever facing Taker in a big television or PPV match, but hey, what can you do? I also don't understand why Hughes didn't make the jump back to WCW when he left the WWF...Oh yeah, the rating. 3/4*. The botched crossbody was super funny. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Mr. Fuji and Yokozuna...Fuji says that Hogan cheated to win the belt. I don't disagree. Then Yoko says some stuff about America, and we're done. ___________________   Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan is our next Quarterfinal Match...   - Hooooo!!! Lock-up, and Bigelow's shoulderblock does nothing.   - Duggan's three point stance shoulder-tackle misses, hitting the buckle, so Bigelow's up top, diving headbutt, pinfall win for the Beast from the East at 4:59. Average. Made better by Duggan losing cleanly...that's really all there is to say. *1/4. ___________________   Lex Luger vs. Tatanka is our final King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match.   - That was a really fast transitition to this match. Had to have been edited. Anyhow, about Luger, I can't believe Vince couldn't make him a success. The referee makes Luger wear an elbowpad, so he can't use the LOADED FOREARM.   - Heenan begins to ramble about Tatanka..."Many moon come before I win match." I really laughed, just because. We cut to a split-screen with Bam Bam Bigelow. He wants to face the Indian.   -Tatanka misses a chop off the top, so Luger gives him a clothesline and powerslam for two. Luger follows with a suplex, that gets two. A backbreaker gets two, and we have a DRAW at 14:58. 15 minute time-limit, remember? After the match, Luger asks for five more minutes, to a big pop. Tatanka turns around to leave, and gets hit with the LOADED FOREARM. To another ovation. Well, no wonder he made the turn. Bam Bam gets a bye to the final.   - Pretty good show these two put on, IMO. Could've been worse, given what was in there, but I thought Luger did well. You could see the positives from having good matches with others. I'm going to call this **1/4. I might be all alone with that rating. ___________________   Mean Gene stirs up shit with Bret Hart and Mr. Perfect, who are facing each other in the Semifinal Round of the King of the Ring. Gene asked whose dad was better and that sort of thing. Good stuff.   - Perfect acts like he'll let Bret back in, but he kicks him. Heh. Now, you know who's going to play heel. Perfect launches Bret from the apron into the steel guardrail, so now Bret's knee is hurt, in addition to a few fingers that were taped up at the beginning of the match.   - We go to the SHARPSHOOTER, but Perfect grabs Bret's injured fingers and stomps on them. Oh hell no, you monster. He tries a PERFECT-PLEX, but Bret suplexes him down ot the floor. Fantastic match. Perfect cradles Bret for two back on the inside, but Bret reverses for the pinfall, advancing to the King of the Ring Final and a match with Bam Bam Bigelow at 18:56.   - Much like Scott Keith, I think this was better than their meeting at SummerSlam 1991. Shocking! Particularly liked how the broken fingers came into play. That was choice. ****1/2. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Hulk Hogan, who is defending his WWF Championship against Yokozuna, right now!   - Who doesn't like Jimmy Hart, now, seriously? The placement of this match on the card definitely gives away the result. A Yoko belly-to-belly gets two, so we have a HULK-UP. Yawn. Hogan finally puts Yoko down after THREE big boots, but the LEGDROP only gets a two count. Now a photographer gets on the apron, shoots a fireball at Hogan, and Yoko drops a leg of his own for the victory at 13:11. BANZAI DROP afterward, and it's over for Hogan. ALL OVER.   - Uh, awfully boring. Historic, but really bad. If Yokozuna has to carry a match, well, it's going to be shit. I like him because he was on the first PPV I ever watched, but seriously now. 1/2*. I did like Yoko's title reign, though. It was good stuff (for a fat lug), especially the shit with Crush. ___________________   Shawn and Diesel are in the back, and Shawn is just TEARING INTO Hulk Hogan. I'm going to guess this was a contingency plan in case Hulk stayed. Hulk feuds with Diesel to get to Shawn. LOL. Like I said, a guess. Shawn called Hogan a dinosaur, which was good for a laugh. ___________________   Next up, an eight-man tag. We've got the Steiner Brothers and The Smokin' Gunns vs. Money Inc. and the Headshrinkers w/Afa.   - Non-elimination, btw. DiBiase's looking a little pudgy.   - MILLION DOLLAR DREAM...but Billy puts DiBiase in a small package for the victory at 7:03. After the match, they brawl, and the faces get the best.   - Rick Steiner didn't even enter. That was weird. Anyway, just a simple, throwaway match to try and bring the fans back. We'll see how that last part worked out later on. **. ___________________   Crush is facing Shawn Michaels w/Diesel for the Intercontinental Title, after Yokozuna had an interview in the back.   - This is a strange match. IMO, Crush came around about three years later than he should have. Perfect gimmick for the 80's. Savage talks about potential for Crush/Yoko...   - Crush dominates the match, until he clotheslines Shawn over the top. Doink is at the ramp...I SEE THREE OF THEM. WHAT THE FUCK. Actually, it's two. They distracted Crush somethin' good, so Shawn superkicked the big Hawaiian in the back of the head for the victory at 11:14. Crush chases the Doink's to the back, of course. **1/4 is my rating. Shawn did all the work, but Crush held up his end of the bargain. This could've been brutal. ___________________ Mean Gene talks to Bam Bam Bigelow before he faces Bret Hart in the King of the Ring Final...   - Bret favors the leg on the way down. And gets dominated throughout. Luna Vachon came down and hit Bret with a chair, stacking the odds further. Bret comes in afterward, gets slammed and given the flying headbutt off the top for three at 9:23. NO, WAIT A SECOND. Another referee comes out, and says no. No, because of Luna. Some people are leaving, but the match will restart. And everyone runs back to their seats.   - Bret and Bam Bam proceed to tear the house down, ya heard. Bam Bam misses a charge to the corner, and Bret gives him a victory roll for a three count and huge pop at 18:17. Great match, highly underrated. ****. Savage congratulates, as...   Bret moves to the stage, to be crowned king! Jerry Lawler comes to the stage, and says that he's the only king in the World Wrestling Federation. Bret needs to bow and kiss Lawler's feet, he says. Bret calls him the Burger King, which births a chant that I abhor to this day. As thanks for said chant, Lawler takes Bret out with a scepter. Then Lawler tosses the throne onto Bret, and beats the shit out of him. He kicks Bret off the platform, and we're out of time. That was an intense angle. I loved it, as is the case with many end of show PPV angles. ___________________   Rating: Great. Bret's one man show. Must see. All that stuff.   Best Segment: I've gotta give the angle with Lawler and Bret its due. The crowd was really, really hating Lawler. On one hand, the show was almost all in favor of heels. That's something for the live fans to not like.   Worst Segment: Hughes vs. Perfect. For meaninglessness. ___________________   I'll review King of the Ring 1994, just like I did this one. My brother graduates tomorrow, so I won't watch it until later in the week.
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Review: WWF from Madison Square Garden, 8/22/1987.

As I said, I didn't rate or review the matches from the house show posted at the beginning of the month. ___________________   Scott Casey vs. Tama is the first match, as Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary.   - I'm not too excited about this match, so there's going to be an evident lack of words. Tama has rabies, cause he's foaming at the mouth. Literally!   - A Tama splash off the second rope finishes things via pinfall at 11:24. 1/2* for a matchup in which little effort was put forth. ___________________   Tito Santana vs. Outlaw Ron Bass is next up...   - Tito attacks at the start, and then we see a wild brawl. The floor is really dirty, as you can see by the color of Tito's back, which is black. Bass' piledriver was funny, because Tito's head never came close to the canvas. Like, a foot away.   - We're going to the time limit. 19:49 is the end of the bout, after Tito knocks Bass to the floor with a flying forearm. We have a draw. Tito wanted 5 more minutes, but Bass said "no mas" and left. **1/2. Would've liked it more had there been a finish. ___________________ Velvet McIntyre is taking on Sensational Sherri for the Ladies' Title.   - Sherri's entrance attire (cape and all) makes her look like a superhero. Just sayin'.   - The match isn't very good, as I figured. That's too bad. We get to see a giant swing, which keeps me happy. While not good, this is better than Casey/Tama. Sherri pins McIntyre after a back suplex at 14:24. *. You read right, 14 minutes for a ladies match. It'll be easier to explain why as this continues. ___________________ Rick Martel vs. Haku w/Tama is right now...   - But we've got a bit of an argument here. Tito Santana joins us because he's got a problem with Tama being at ringside. So, Tama wants that dumb Mexican to leave. However, the referee wants BOTH Tama and Santana to leave. They do.   - Duke Doherty has joined us for commentary. Thankfully, he's nowhere near as bad as he was on that Houston show I reviewed a while back.   - Tama hits Martel with a steel chair, allowing Haku to pick up the victory at 9:18. **. A stretcher comes out, but Martel leaves without using it. ___________________   Andre the Giant comes out, but doesn't get into the ring, because the fans were booing him. He then leaves. ___________________   The lumberjacks are out, and they consist of almost everyone with matches on the show. Ok, not almost everyone, but many of them. Those guys are...Tito Santana, the Islanders, George Steele, Junkyard Dog, Jose Estrada, Lanny Poffo, Ron Bass and Scott Casey. A jobberific roster to be sure, which explains how the ladies match and so many others ran/run so long.   The match they're lumberjacking in is Ricky Steamboat vs. Honky Tonk Man w/Jimmy Hart for the Intercontinental Championship.   - The entrances were during the commercial break, which sucks. This is a good excuse to have Santana fight with the Islanders.   - Good stuff we have here. Steamboat goes for the end, but Jimmy Hart distracts the referee, so we don't have a pinfall. For some reason, George Steele came into the ring and counted the fall, so the referee's gotta send him out. While the referee is doing that, Steamboat hits Jimmy Hart, which leaves the megaphone in the ring. Honky waffles Steamboat with it, and we've got a victor via pinfall at 11:40. ***. After the bout, much like in most lumberjack matches, we've got a free for all. Noice. The o in that word was deliberate. Just say it out loud. ___________________   After Gorilla Monsoon interviews Duke Doherty and I wonder why, I suddenly remember that intermission is usually after the real main event. So, we've got a few of these.   Next, with Superstar Billy Graham. I love his promo style.   A terrible promo with Butch Reed and Slic follows...   Last, Gorilla Monsoon is with the Junkyard Dog and George "the Animal" Steele. ___________________ Superstar Billy Graham vs. Butch Reed w/Slick is on...   - Graham's body looks like Hogan's circa 2002. Not in a good way. He can't take a flat-back bump, so he shouldn't be wrestling. As a result, the match sucks.   - Slick hits Graham with his cane, to end things at 8:58. -*. Both guys fight, until it gets broken up by Pat Patterson and Gorilla Monsoon. You read that last name right. On the way in, he elbowed Slick to the canvas. That was the only redeemable aspect of that situation. Both guys were DQ'd. ___________________   Lanny Poffo vs. Jose Estrada is next...I fastforwarded. Poffo won. ___________________ Our main event is...Demolition vs. The Junkyard Dog and George "the Animal" Steele.   - Ok, this is really going to suck. We all know it.   - The match could not possibly be slower. Steele hits Smash with a chair, getting his team disqualified at 6:10. At least it was short. DUD. ___________________   Rating: Bad. Too many DUD'y matches.   Best Segment: Steamboat/Honky   Worst Segment: Graham vs. Reed. ___________________   You see, this was the WWF's "B" roster. The "C" roster's show on the same day was headlined by...Paul Orndorff vs. Harley Race, and Jake Roberts vs. King Kong Bundy. The "A" roster's show had matches like Ted DiBiase vs. Davey Boy Smith, The Hart Foundation vs. Kamala and Sika, and Hulk Hogan vs. Killer Khan. The roster was in need of strengthening. Thankfully, that would come soon after, with guys moving up the card, people like Rick Rude coming in, etc...   No Way Out 2008 review will be up before or on Tuesday.  
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Review: WCW Clash of the Champions XXXV, from Nashville, Tennessee; 8/21/1997.

Been interested in this one...I don't know, I suppose Raven vs. Stevie Richards appeals to me. ___________________   Tony, Bobby, and Dusty are our commentators. They run down the card, and then, our first match is Mongo McMichael vs. Jeff Jarrett w/Queen Debra, for the United States Championship.   Blow-by-Blow: Jarrett's a hometown guy, you know. Jarrett slams Mongo at the start and struts, prior to ramming Mongo's head into the turnbuckle pad. He then takes Mongo down from behind, and follows it up with a chopblock, Mongo style, out of the three point stance. Jarrett rams Mongo into the buckle again, but Mongo comes out of there with a clothesline, before the commercial.   We're back, and Jarrett has rammed Mongo into the steel steps, twice. Back in, and Jarrett jumps on Mongo's back, as Mongo's throat is draped along the second rope. Jarrett gives Mongo a suplex and goes to the sleeper, but Mongo breaks the hold and gives him a sleeper of his own. Debra gets on the ring apron to distract, whoa, wait a minute. It's Eddie Guerrero! He gets up on the top rope with the US Title, comes down and...hits Jeff Jarrett on accident. Mongo covers Jarrett at 5:53, and we've got a new United States Champion.   Match Analysis: Nothing special, and with Mongo, the shorter the better. I don't think he should've been given the US Belt, but he was super over. I guess they had to do something with the guy. *. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Alex Wright, who's going to take on Ultimo Dragon for Dragon's Television Title later on. He talks in German a bit, then calls the title his.   After, Gene is with the guys from Dinner and a Movie, which airs on TBS. Seriously. ___________________   We now move forward to Stevie Richards vs. Raven, which is also Raven's debut match in WCW.   Blow-by-Blow: Raven enters from the crowd, and takes the microphone. He wants no disqualifications in this match, and the referee says, sure. At the start, Raven rams Stevie into the buckle, before sending him outside. Raven flies out with a pescado, and after bringing Stevie back in, Stevie comes back with a backslide for one. Raven puts Stevie on the apron and knocks him to the floor, then flies off the apron with two elbowdrops. Back in, Raven's got a chair, and he drop-toe holds Stevie into it. A bulldog into the chair follows, but when Raven sets the chair up in the corner, Stevie's the one who tosses his opponent into it. A sidewalk slam is delivered to Raven for 2, so Richards prepares for the Steviekick. That doesn't happen, but he still rolls Raven up for a two count. Raven responds with a clothesline for two, gutshot, EVENFLOW DDT, for the pinfall victory at 5:03.   Match Analysis: This wasn't the best match, but it was a good way to introduce Raven. Quite convincingly, I should add. I'll give this one my favorite rating, that being *1/2. I like how this show is a progression of storylines that are currently on the Nitros that WWE 24/7 is airing. ___________________   Alex Wright is now facing the Ultimo Dragon for the Television Title.   Blow-by-Blow: Wright gives Dragon a hiptoss to start, and a snapmare too, but Dragon applies a wristlock. Wright reverses into a hammerlock, but Dragon takes him to the canvas and applies an armbar. Wright pokes him in the eye to break the hold, but his shoulderblock can't knock Dragon to the canvas. Dragon's shoulderblock does though, and he follows it up with a dropkick. After Dragon's multi-kick combo, he goes to the chinlock. When Wright gets up, he gives Dragon a powerbomb, and a backbreaker, for a 2 count. Another backbreaker only gets two, and so does a gutwrench suplex. Now to the   commercial. I've gotta mention, from the beginning to the commercial is some of the most fluid wrestling I've seen. Smooth.   and we're back, with Dragon tied up in a chinlock. Wright gives Dragon a clothesline, and a scoop slam, before heading up top. He comes down with a stomp on Dragon's head, then dances. Now back to the chinlock, and when Dragon breaks free, he gives Wright a sleeper. Wright reverses, so Dragon gives him a back suplex. They now trade chops, until Wright gives Dragon a European uppercut, ending that flurry. After a Wright back suplex, Dragon responds with a springboard dropkick, bringing the house down. Ok, not really. Dragon misses a pescado as Wright's on the outside, so Wright decides to stomp on him. He tries to whip Dragon into the railing, but Dragon reverses and does that to Wright instead. Dragon follows that up with an asai moonsault, and brings Wright in the hard way, with a front suplex off the top rope. Dragon tries LA MAGISTRAL, but that only gets a two count. A handspring back elbow from Dragon misses, but Wright's pin with his feet on the ropes only gets two. Damn. Wright reverses an attempt at a DRAGON SUPLEX into a rollup, which Dragon reverses for 2. Now they get up as Wright has Dragon's back, and Wright gives Dragon a GERMAN SUPLEX for the victory at 10:54. We've got a new TV Champion! And he's German! Match Analysis: Awesome match, but the TV Title time limit and the commercial kinda killed the likelihood of going ****. Must watch. I gave it ***1/2. Commercials hurt a match, especially when it's going as well as this one was. ___________________   Now, we've got Eddie Guerrero challenging Chris Jericho for the WCW Cruiserweight Championship.   Blow-by-Blow: Eddie Guerrero's music hasn't changed yet. Boo. To start, Jericho gives Eddie a few armdrags, and then a dropkick. Eddie tells the referee that his hair was pulled, and shows the referee exactly how it was done. Jericho gives Eddie a press slam and a flapjack, which causes Eddie to duck out of the ring. Eddie comes right back in with a sneak attack, and a big flying back elbow. Eddie gives Jericho a hilo, and a hurricanrana off the top rope for 2. Eddie then tries a hurricanrana in which he grabs Jericho's hand, leaps onto the top rope and springboards off with a rana, but Jericho catches him and powerbombs him. After a Jericho GIANT SWING(!), he gives Eddie a spinning heel kick. He botches a springboard plancha though, landing on his face outside. HA! Instead of sulking and doing nothing, Jericho runs right over and suplexes Eddie to the floor from the apron. A very good spot to replace that botch, IMO. Eddie brings Jericho in after a few punches and gives him my favorite move, a superplex, for a two count. Jericho tries a powerbomb, but can't get it...so after a reversal sequence, Jericho gives Eddie a release German suplex, which puts Eddie on his head. For real. But, the cover only gets two. Eddie gives Jericho a springboard sunset flip, which only gets two. We go into an UGLY pinfall rollup reversal sequence, and Jericho picks up the win at 6:40. After the match, Eddie dropkicks Jericho, in anger. A brainbuster and a FROG SPLASH follow, as Eddie leaves Jericho in the dust. I guess that's a good phrase to use.   Match Analysis: A disappointing effort. I mean, there were great things about it. Like the post-match beatdown. I mean, Eddie's character at that time is one of the best I've ever seen. Dead serious. Only ** for the match...if you had just watched this and none of their prior or later work, it would be hard to say, oh, they had a match that neared **** just a month later. You wouldn't believe it. ___________________   Part #2 begins, with a big lucha libre tag match. We've got Lizmark Jr., Super Calo, Juventud Guerrera, and Hector Garza facing Psychosis, Silver King, Villano IV, and Villano V w/Sonny Onoo.   Blow-by-Blow: IV and Calo will start things off, and Calo takes IV to the canvas with an armdrag. They go into a reversal sequence, and afterward, Calo gives IV an armdrag and a flying headscissors. Calo gives Silver King a dropkick, and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to IV, which gets a two count. Garza comes right in, and misses a charge to the corner. Silver King also misses a charge to the corner, but he gives Garza a hiptoss and shoulderblock. Garza responds with an armdrag and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, before clotheslining King over the top. Juvi and Psychosis come in, and the latter of the two gives the other a superkick. Psychosis tosses him out, so Garza and IV come in. IV and Silver King monkey flip Garza and Lizmark Jr. to the outside, and here comes the crazy shit, as the heels get tossed out too. Calo flies out with a tope con hilo onto Silver King and Villano IV. Lizmark does the same, but with a regular tope...Juvi leaps off of Garza's back to the outside, landing on everyone...Villano V flies out with another tope...and Garza ends the sequence with a SICK CORKSCREW PLANCHA. Onoo grabs Calo's leg with he and Psychosis back in the ring, knocking Calo to the canvas. Psychosis comes off the top with a GUILLOTINE LEGDROP, which finishes Calo via pinfall at 4:52.   Match Analysis: Typical lucha spotfest. I like them. You know, the sequence where everyone decides to dive on one another is one of my favorites. Required viewing. **3/4, for a pretty good little match. You take what you can get. ___________________   Mean Gene is with the guys from Dinner and a Movie, who are naming their culinary creations. Macho Mayo...Macho Nacho...NWOkra....oh, that explains it all. These cooks are NWO 4 LIFE! What in the hell did I just say. Or, rather, what in the hell is this. The cooks tear their shirts off to reveal an NWO one, which brings Randy Savage out. You see, this is the NWO's birthday party. Now we go to a commercial.   We're back, and DDP is destroying all of this cooking utensils. He gives one of those dudes a DIAMOND CUTTER, and leaves. What a tough guy. ___________________   On the road, then Konnan and Syxx are taking on Ric Flair and Curt Hennig.   Blow-by-Blow: Gee, who's going over here? Hennig's being recruited by the Four Horsemen, if you didn't know. Hennig spits his gum at Konnan, and we're underway. Konnan puts Hennig in a headlock, but Hennig drop-toe holds his way out of it. Konnan pulls on Hennig's hair, which allows him to bring in his partner. Hennig tags out as well, so Syxx gives Flair a shoulderblock. Syxx gives Flair a backdrop, but Flair comes right back with a few chops and a kneedrop for two. After a Flair backdrop, Hennig comes in and gives Syxx a kneelift, knocking Syxx over to his corner, allowing him to tag in Konnan. They both collide after a few punches, and Syxx makes the tag. Flair chops away at Konnan, who misses a dropkick. Syxx clips Flair in the knee on accident, because Hennig pushed him into Flair, inadvertently, of course. Hennig gives Konnan the HENNIG-PLEX, which picks up the pinfall victory at 5:10. After the match, Mean Gene is with Hennig, to ask him whether or not he's decided to be a Horseman. Hennig just says, no. Gene asks him what his decision is, and Hennig says, no. What an ambiguous answer.   Match Analysis: Basic, formula Nitro match. Seeing as this Clash is nothing more than a glorified Nitro, I can't say that there's anything wrong with that. *3/4. ___________________   Here's our main event. Diamond Dallas Page and Lex Luger are facing Randy Savage and Scott Hall, who are accompanied by the entirety of the NWO. Before the match, Kevin Nash grabs a microphone, and well, he's going to allow Savage to defend his portion of the tag team titles. Now we've got a REAL main event, as this is for the WCW Tag Team Titles.   Blow-by-Blow: Only Nash was allowed to stay at ringside. How unfortunate. Hall and Page were going to start things off, but Hall wants Luger instead. So, we begin. Luger pushes Hall to the canvas and poses, pretty much as you'd figure. Hall pulls Luger to the outside for a bit, so Savage can give Luger a double axhandle when he comes back in. Savage misses an elbowdrop, so DDP tags in and hits everyone, ending his run of big hits with a clothesline. Savage comes back with a clothesline of his own, and a boot choke, before tagging in Hall. Hall gives Page a fallaway slam for a two count, before Savage tags in and rams Page into the buckle. Both work on Page in the corner, before Savage gives Page an elbowdrop for 2. Savage and Hall stomp on Page outside of the ring, which Savage follows it up with a double axhandle off the ring apron. Hall's in the ring, and applies an STF type hold. Page gives him a clothesline, and finally makes the hot tag to Luger. Luger cleans house, gives Hall an inverted atomic drop, and clotheslines both. He tosses Savage over the top, and puts Hall in THE RACK! Savage comes in, pokes Page in the eye, so Hall rams Luger into Page. You see, Page's eye was hurt, so he didn't see that it was Luger. He turns around, Luger's standing there, and he gives Luger the DIAMOND CUTTER. After a long delay, Hall pins Luger, for the three count at 9:55.   Match Analysis: I like that the Diamond Cutter was put over so huge. Well, any finisher in which the guy had to lay down for that long afterward is one that is put over huge. I wrote something about remembering something from Flair's book, but I forgot. Maybe it was about how Savage and Hall didn't get along. I don't know. Match was **. ___________________   The NWO are staying in the ring, as Eric Bischoff is saying some stuff to the winners. If not for them, these people wouldn't be here. Maybe that's true. The lights flicker for a few moments, and look to the rafters. Hey, there's Sting. A buzzard is up there with him, as his music plays. The lights go out, then back on, and a buzzard is attached to the top rope. What's awful is that you could see the person who attached it walking away from the bird. Brutal. One of the most bizarre show endings I've seen. ___________________   Rating: Decent. I would say the show was good for a Clash, but that ending sorta soured me on things, as did the Dinner and a Movie segment. Absolutely retarded.   Best Segment: Definitely Alex Wright's victory over Ultimo Dragon. Fantastic TV match.   Worst Segment: The Sting thing. I don't really follow. ___________________   I don't have any reviews to do for a while. That's good! Ok, not really. It just means I'll do something else with my time.  
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Review: WWE Royal Rumble 2008, from New York City; 1/27/2008.

Going to be a lot of hindsight thinking in this review... ___________________   First match up on this is Ric Flair vs. MVP.   Blow-by-Blow: Flair's last MSG performance...he gets on the mic, thanks the fans, and MVP interrupts. Here we go. MVP takes Flair to the canvas, cause he's BALLIN! Ok, now Flair applies a hammerlock, before giving MVP a shoulderblock. Flair tries that again, and MVP drop-toe holds him down to the canvas. A big boot and neckbreaker get a one count for MVP, so MVP goes to the chinlock, while having the arm barred. MVP misses a charge to the corner, so Flair tries a FIGURE-FOUR...but he can't get it applied. Instead, he gives MVP an atomic drop, but MVP cradles him for 2 on the next attempted move. MVP gives Flair a backdrop, and a running big boot for a 2 count. The two count was because Flair's foot on the ropes. Had the referee not noticed, Flair would've been forced to retire. An MVP clothesline gets a two count, and so does a double underhook suplex. Now MVP places Flair up top for a superplex, but it only gets a 2 count. Double collision now, and once Flair gets up, we get two counts from a small package and a backslide. MVP tries the PLAYMAKER after a knee to the face, but Flair reverses, FIGURE-FOUR, MVP taps out at 7:49. And Flair kisses MSG goodbye...   Match Analysis: Not visually pleasing, to say the least. It really sucked. Saddening to see one of my favorites performing so poorly, but hey, that's life. I'll give it *1/4, and when I watched this one live, first thing I thought was wow, it's probably a good thing that Flair's career is going to end. ___________________   Mike Adamle talks for a bit, and then, we have the hype video for Chris Jericho vs. JBL. Which is now.   Blow-by-Blow: The referee won't let them fight at the start, but that ends when JBL hits Jericho in the back with some clubbing blows. Jericho jumps on top of JBL and punches away, but JBL tosses him out. Jericho comes right back in and goes for the WALLS OF JERICHO, but JBL reaches the ropes. After Jericho gives JBL a baseball slide and rams him into the retaining wall, he rams JBL into the steps. Back in, and JBL gives Jericho a hotshot, so he can regain control. After a lariat, JBL takes Jericho to the ropes to choke him, at least until applying a sleeper. A JBL big boot follows, then he rams Jericho shoulder-first into the ringpost. Well, Jericho's bleeding now. Bradshaw kicks away as Jericho's gushing, but Jericho responds with a clothesline. The botched lionsault is cut out, so we see the LIONSAULT that landed, to a mock cheer. Um...now the fans that haven't seen the show before don't know what that's all about. Which is dumb. Anyway, Jericho clotheslines JBL over the top, and hits him with a steel chair for the disqualification at 9:19. Jericho now has a cord, which he uses to hang JBL with, much like JBL did to him on RAW. Which was great.   Match Analysis: A new side of Jericho was shown in this match, but they went right back to the old one soon after. I'm not really a fan of that decision, because I'm very much in favor of character depth. Who's not? Match was **...not really done at the best time, and not done right in the first place. Had they done this at a non-Rumble show, there definitely would've been more time. ___________________   Ashley knocks on Maria's door in a little time waster segment, and hey, SANTINO MARELLA opens it. YES! He says Maria's not interested in Ashley's boobie magazine. The end. ___________________   After a hype video, we now have Rey Mysterio vs. Edge w/Vickie Guerrero and his team of buddies for the World Heavyweight Championship.   Blow-by-Blow: I found it funny to see Rey get booed. I've got a feeling that I wasn't the only one who felt that way. Anyway, Rey gives Edge a hurricanrana at the start, and a dropkick, which gets a one count. Edge chokes Rey at the ropes and tosses him out...so his lackeys make their way over to beat on Mysterio. BUT, the referee tosses them out of the building, so that's not going to happen. Rey comes in with a flying headscissors to take Edge out of the ring, and a PESCADO. Back in now, with a Rey seated senton for a 2 count. Rey springs onto the second rope, but Edge kicks him in the knee, knocking him to the canvas. Edge applies a half-crab on the knee, before giving Rey a powerslam for a two count. Back to the leg, but Rey builds up some momentum and gives Edge a bulldog for two. Before Rey's attack, there was a lengthy dead period in the match. Just saying. After Edge misses a charge at Rey, Rey responds with a seated senton, which gets a two count. Rey comes off the top with a double stomp(!), but it only gets a two count. Rey rana's Edge to the floor now, and follows that with a DDT, which gets a two count when they get back in the ring. Edge responds with a big boot, but he misses a SPEAR. Rey puts Edge's face on the second rope, dial it up, 619, but a splash from up top does not get the victory, because Vickie Guerrero grabbed the official. Hey, she's the GM. She can do that if she wants. Rey tries to give Edge another 619, but Vickie jumps onto the apron and takes the hit, so now when Rey springboards in, Edge is ready to finish. SPEAR on the springboard, and Edge retains via pinfall at 12:34. Poor Vickie has to be wheeled out in her wheelchair...she's hurt, you see.   Match Analysis: Would've been very good if not for the dead period in the middle of the match, but hey, there was a dead period, so that's how I have to judge it. I know that in the past both could've had a great match against one another, but I don't know if Rey is capable of those things anymore. This was just average, but the finishing sequence was really fun. **1/2. ___________________   We go to the lockerroom now, as Ric Flair's coming out of the shower. Thankfully, wearing a towel. Anyway, Mr. Kennedy's in the room, and he says that he wants to retire Flair. Here's HBK, planting seeds asnd all that. He and Flair say that Kennedy ain't goin' anywhere with that gimmick. Now, here's Batista. Like I said, planting seeds. There's HHH too! HBK wants those two to settle down, because the guy that's going to win the Royal Rumble is the one currently wearing the HBK shirt that you can find on WWE.Com. Hey! ___________________   We've got one more segment before our big match though, which is Maria's KISS CAM. YAY! Yeah, we see people kissing and all that, until Ashley comes out. She wants to talk about Playboy, which naturally brings out Santino Marella. He runs down New York City quite well, and then brings his special guest into the ring. That fat dude who dances while wearing a speedo. Ugh.   WrestleMania XXIV promo, and then, Mike Adamle calls Jeff Hardy "Jeff Harvey." Unfortunately, that moment has been edited out. ___________________   Now, it's time for the match that was, well, as big a draw as a singles match at the Rumble could possibly be. And that is Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.   Blow-by-Blow: After the lock-up, Jeff takes Orton down with a shoulderblock, and then with a headlock. An inverted atomic drop followed by a legdrop to the nuts gets a two count for Jeff, but Orton gains some semblance of control by ramming Jeff into the buckle. Unfortunately, Jeff comes right back by clotheslining Orton over the top rope, and then baseball sliding him hard into the retaining wall at ringside. We call that a concussion. Anyway, Jeff follows Orton to the floor with a pescado, which causes Orton to rethink his gameplan. He'll just leave. He takes his belt and begins to walk away, but Hardy stops him and rams his face into the announce table. Orton gets tossed back in, but on Jeff's springboard attempt, Jeff gets dropkicked by Orton, which knocks him down to the floor. Orton suplexes Jeff on the outside, then in we go, for a two count. Orton's kneedrops also get a two count, and after both men trade blows, Jeff sends Orton to the outside. Jeff clotheslines Orton from the apron, but the eventual cover only gets a two count. Jeff misses a charge to the corner on the inside, but that only gets a two count for Orton. Now, we go to the chinlock. Of course, Orton's the one applying it. An Orton powerslam gets a two count, then back to the chinlock we go. Now we head towards the end, but we're not at the end, as Jeff is doing the usual offense that occurs when a guy gets out of a chinlock. Clotheslines and back elbows, but then a WHISPER IN THE WIND, which only gets 2. An enziguri is delivered to the head of Orton, and then, Jeff goes up top. Nope to the SWANTON, instead, Jeff missile dropkicks Orton, who's standing on the ring apron. That knocks him to the floor. A moonsault by Jeff to Orton on the floor barely even hits Orton, and now, both men go into the ring, slowly. Jeff tries the TWIST OF FATE, BAM, RKO instead, Orton with the pinfall victory at 14:06. Courtesy applause for Jeff...yeah yeah yeah.   Match Analysis: Finish wasn't the best...like I said before, I hate out of nowhere finishes. The rest of the match was average, definitely nothing you'd expect from main event level guys. Quite clearly, it was best that Jeff didn't go over. Smart thinking from WWE on that issue. **1/2. ___________________   It is now time for the ROYAL RUMBLE!   Blow-by-Blow: Yeah, it was pretty cool that Michael Buffer intro'd the thing, but I've seen him in person. No big deal. #1 is...THE UNDERTAKER. Big surprise, when watching it live. And #2 is SHAWN MICHAELS. YES! Shawn bumping around for Taker is always fun, and this doesn't disappoint. #3 is Santino Marella! He does some funny stuff, and after being kicked in the mouth, the Undertaker tosses him over the top and to the floor at 2:05. #4 is the Great Khali, who comes into the ring, only to be taunted with chants of "YOU CAN'T WRESTLE" from the MSG faithful. Thankfully, Taker gets rid of him too, at 4:43. #5 is Hardcore Holly, who proceeds to break Shawn Michaels nose. In return, Taker beats him up for ten minutes or so. I thought that was funny when watching it live...thinking that it couldn't possibly be a coincidence that Taker was so involved with someone so low on the card for so long. Also, Bob Holly's been in the WWE for fourteen years. Think about that for a second. Or not. Anyway, #6 is John Morrison. It sucked how the rest of the announcers cut Joey Styles off during the story he was going to tell about Morrison...really sucked. Anyway, Tommy Dreamer is #7, and some people mark out. But not me. #8 is Batista, who throws Dreamer out at 10:10. Well that didn't last long. #9 is Hornswoggle, who hides under the ring. He doesn't want any of that. Our #10 entrant Chuck Palumbo comes out, and does nothing, until Jamie Noble comes in at #11. Chuck kicks Noble out at 14:52, causing Noble to need help in order to get to the back. #12 is CM Punk, who knees Chuck out at 16:34. Thankfully. At #13 we have Cody Rhodes, and at #14, it's UMAGA. He SAMOAN SPIKES Holly out of the ring at 18:52, and then, our number 15 entrant, Snitsky, makes his way to the ring. #16 is the Miz and #17 is Shelton Benjamin, as clearly, there was a bit of a dead period. But at the same time, the intervals are only a bit longer than a minute, so I couldn't write down much in such a short time. Of course, when Shelton entered, he did some cool shit. Like leaping onto the top rope and dropping two opponents throat first onto said top rope. Why in the world doesn't WWE give this guy a push? Shawn superkicks him, which puts Shelton out at 23:07. Now, we've got our first surprise entrant. JIMMY SNUKA, #18! I marked like crazy. After Snuka hits everyone, #19 comes out. And that's ROWDY RODDY PIPER. Then I marked even more crazy! A Rumble moment to last for a long time occurs, as Piper and Snuka fight while the whole ring watches. Awesome. Now, #20 is Kane, who dumps both Snuka and Piper to the floor at 27:00. Aw. #21 is Carlito, who spits in the face of Cody Rhodes. Clearly he is not cool. #22 is Mick Foley, who, honestly, doesn't do a whole lot of anything when first entering the ring. But he does in a bit, something that most will like/liked. #23 is Kennedy, who gets chokeslammed, and as Big Daddy V enters at #24, we get a bunch of eliminations, starting at 32:21. Taker clotheslines Snitsky out, Michaels superkicks Taker out, and Kennedy bundles Michaels over the top. Whew. That was a tough sequence to recap. Taker puts Snitsky through the table with a legdrop, which also happened to make me laugh. Oh, you. #25 is Mark Henry, and shortly after his entrance, Hornswoggle comes out from under the ring and pulls The Miz over the top and to the floor at 34:39. #26 is Chavo Guerrero, showing how little the ECW Title means. I hated this. After Kane gives Morrison a big boot to knock him out at 36:06, and then, Mark Henry pulls Hornswoggle into the ring. That brings Finlay out (before it was time for him to enter), to hit everyone with a shillelagh. Unforunately, he's been disqualified for entering early, and I suppose Hornswoggle is disqualified for being the beneficiary of his interference, at 38:00. #28 is Elijah Burke, who has seemingly disappeared after this appearance. Odd. Anyway, Chavo suplexes Punk over the top and out at 39:20, before HHH enters at #29. He gets rid of Cody Rhodes at 40:16, Big Daddy V at 40:33, and then, he fights with Mick Foley. Hell yes to that, duh. HHH then tosses Foley into Burke, which eliminates the both of them at 40:58. Boo. Down to the last entrant, who is.....JOHN CENA. I'm not gonna lie, I flipped when watching this live. Carlito gets tossed out at 43:19, Chavo Guerrero goes out at 43:22, and Mark Henry goes out at 43:26, to much cheer. The big two square off, that being Cena and HHH. BUT, we've still got a few guys left, don't we? Batista clotheslines Kennedy and UMAGA over the top, eliminating him at 44:28 and 44:41, respectively. We're down to four, those four being Kane, HHH, Batista, and John Cena. Guess who goes out first. 44:53 was the time of that. Now that we've got HHH, Batista and John Cena in the ring together, yeah, that's WWE's biggest possible match. Don't be fooled into thinking otherwise. They all taunt each other, until they fight and HHH clotheslines Batista out at 47:18. Down to two, and the crowd is decidedly split. Boo, yeah, boo, yeah (HHH being cheered, Cena being booed)...but Cena gets the better of it. After the FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE, we get some finisher reversal, which ends in a double clothesline, knocking both men out. Not out of the ring, though. HHH gives Cena a DDT after another failed F-U try, then tries to slam Cena out and to the floor. Nope, Cena slips off HHH's shoulder, and F-U's him to the floor, to win the Rumble and go to WrestleMania No Way Out, for his title shot at the champion. Match ended at 51:30.   Match Analysis: As I've said before, surprises are a huge part of what makes a great Royal Rumble. I'll give this one ****, as really, there weren't dead periods with nothing going on, seeing as guys were constantly entering. And I'll give WWE credit for deviating from the norm. It's not usual to see so many top level guys enter early. A show saving match. ___________________   Rating: Decent. I can't in good conscience give this a good rating, but at the same time, I'll say that I was definitely happy to have ordered it, and I know that I'm going against things I've said in the past. You know, when I say things like, if I would've paid full price for the show, it's a good one? Well, I didn't pay full price for this, I paid half. So nyah.   Best Segment: The Royal Rumble. Usually is.   Worst Segment: Maria's Kiss Cam. I really hate when that fat dude comes into the ring and dances. Just, ugh. ___________________   I'll get the RAW and Nitro review from 7/14/97 up ASAP. Then Clash of the Champions XXXV, but I'm not going to review the Rey Mysterio DVD. Too much content that could be included in potential reviews, and I don't really like reviewing things like that.  
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Review: WWE Bad Blood 2003 (RAW), from Houston, Texas; 6/15/2003.

This is the first brand-exclusive PPV, as I'm sure you all are aware of. ___________________   Anyway, the first match is Christopher Nowinski and Rodney Mack w/Theodore Long vs. The Dudley BoyZ. Emphasis on the Z. Nowinski’s wearing a metal face protector, because of his nasal problems.   Blow-by-Blow: You see, on Sunday Night Heat, the guys facing the Dudley's insisted that Bubba Ray is possibly a racist. Or that's what I got from it, because, you know, Bubba's always ordering D-Von to get the tables. Why can't he do it himself? Anyway, Mack and D-Von start the match, and Mack misses a charge to the corner, so D-Von clotheslines him. It only gets a 2 count, so Mack gives D-Von a jawbreaker and tags out. Nowinski is given a drop-toe hold by D-Von, which allows Bubba to come in and gives Nowinski a shoulderblock. You have no idea how hard it is to not type Nowitzki in place of Nowinski. Moving forward, Rodney Mack gives Bubba a clothesline, but Bubba responds by crushing both he and Nowinski in the corner. Both Mack and Nowinski get tossed out of the ring, but Bubba brings Nowinski right back in, the hard way. A Bubba splash gets D-Von a 2 count, but D-Von misses a charge to the buckle. Mack then rams D-Von nut-first into the post, before tagging in and giving him an elbowdrop for 2. Mack gives D-Von a spinebuster, but it only gets 2, as does a Nowinski splash after the tag. To the 2nd rope he goes, but he misses an elbowdrop, which allows Bubba to tag in. Clothesline, backdrop, sidewalk slam for a 2 count. Nowinski misses a charge to the corner, so Bubba gives him a crossbody(?) for a 2 count. Here comes the WAZZUP headbutt, after D-Von and Mack fought for a bit on the outside. GET THE TABLES, but D-Von’s having second thoughts. Why can’t Bubba do it? Anyway, Mack clotheslines D-Von over the top, and Nowinski hits Bubba with the METAL MASK for the three count at 7:07. Match Analysis: That was kind of a surprise. Not in a good way, though. Never could stand Rodney Mack...he was almost instant turn off the television type material. We’ll give this one my favorite rating, which is *1/2. ___________________   The Redneck Triathlon between Steve Austin and Eric Bischoff is right now...good God. The first event is a BURPING CONTEST. The last burp, if not all of them, was/were obviously fake. Austin wins. Whoop-de-doo! ___________________   Test and Scott Steiner are now going to face each other for Stacy Keibler’s managerial services.   Blow-by-Blow: Could there be a worse matchup? Is this the type of thing which makes you glad to have brand exclusive PPV’s? Steiner tries to leap off the apron onto Test...and falls on his face. I busted up, even though I’ve seen it much more than once. Back in the ring, Steiner gives Test a clothesline and an elbowdrop, before doing some pushups...which causes Test to bail to the outside. He uses Stacy as a human shield, then whips Steiner into the steps after a bit. Back inside, Test gives Steiner a slam, and does some pushups of his own. After a Test sleeper, Steiner misses a charge to the corner, allowing Test to make the trip up top. Steiner catches Test on the way down, and gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. After a few clotheslines and a powerslam, Steiner goes for a 10 punch. Test quickly regains control after that, with a full nelson slam for 2. No pumphandle slam though, so Steiner gives Test a reverse DDT for 2. Test then pushes Steiner into the buckle, and finally gives him the pumphandle slam, but it only gets 2. Test now grabs Stacy, but she slaps him. Steiner charges at Test, but Test avoids it and gives him a big boot for 2. Test has a chair, but Stacy tries to take it away. He pushes her to the ground, hits the top rope so that the chair hits him in the face, and a Steiner downward spiral gets the pinfall win at 6:34. Match Analysis: The less said, the better. Although I’ll admit, it was still better than I thought it would be. 1/2*. ___________________   Bischoff and Austin are in the back, preparing for their pie eating contest. Well, lookie here, Bischoff has some nice poontang pie. Well, Bischoff wants to go first. Austin says sure, but he gets to pick which one Bischoff, well, eats. ___________________ Now, we move forward to Booker T vs. Christian for the Intercontinental Championship.   Blow-by-Blow: They lock up to start, and after a Christian armdrag, Booker gives him a shoulderblock. After a hiptoss, Booker gives Christian a bodyslam and takes him down with a headlock. Booker backdrops Christian for a one count, and gives him a spinebuster for 2. Christian rams Booker into the steel steps after a few punches, then goes to a chinlock...which thankfully doesn't last long at all. Booker misses a charge to the corner, but he gives Christian a flapjack anyway. After a flying forearm, Booker gives Christian a sidewalk slam for a 2 count. A side kick gets 2, and after a hotshot, a reverse DDT gets the same. Christian misses a charge to the corner, but he still is able to pin Booker with his hand on the ropes for a 2 count. Christian gives Booker a uranage for a 2 count, but Booker quickly responds with a small package for 2. Christian tosses Booker onto the apron, but Booker responds with the SCISSOR KICK, and a missile dropkick for a 2 count. Booker does a SPINAROONIE after another side kick, which gives Christian to bail out, and head to the back. AHHH. Well, the referee says that Christian better get his ass back to the ring or he'll lose his belt. Once, just ONCE, I want someone to keep walking and give up their title. It would be the ultimate in chicken-shit moves. Booker chases Christian back into the ring after he bailed out again, so Christian hits him with his title belt to get disqualified at 7:52. Match Analysis: I know WWE was on this town killing kick back in 2003, but seriously, WHAT THE FUCK are you doing here? I swear, WWE was intentionally trying to draw people away from their product. People paid good money to watch this shit, this isn't an episode of Monday Night Raw. Or is it. Match was **, but the booking is as fucking stupid as it gets. ___________________   Kevin Nash is warming up in the back...   Now, Jerry Lawler introduces part two of the Redneck Triathlon, which is the pie eating contest. Of course, Bischoff is supposed to go first. Austin makes a few jokes about mature women, before calling out Bischoff's slice of pie...Mae Young. Oh no. Well, she takes off her skirt, revealing a thong. UGH. She gives Bischoff a broncobuster...and now, it's Austin's turn. He says no thanks, and gives her a STUNNER. It's now 1 to 1.   Gail Kim hype video... ___________________   Next match is La Resistance vs. Rob Van Dam and Kane for the World Tag Team Titles.   Blow-by-Blow: First though, La Resistance talked with Jonathan Coachman. Yeah yeah yeah. Rene Dupree and RVD start, and they start by, you know, squaring off. Dupree does that stupid dance of his, so RVD rolls him up for 2. A spinning heel kick follows, and then a springboard crossbody, which gets a 2 count. RVD cradles Dupree for 2, but Sylvan Grenier quickly comes in and allows Dupree to gain control with a DDT for 2. Dupree goes to the chinlock, but RVD replies with an enziguri so he can tag in Kane. Kane gives Grenier a big boot, and tosses Dupree over the top rope. He gives Grenier a sidewalk slam for 2, then goes up to the top, and comes down with a big clothesline for 2. La Resistance gain control as best they can, with a double neckbreaker, but Kane comes right back and clotheslines both of them. A flying kick from RVD lands on Dupree, so RVD backdrops Dupree over the top. RVD flies out with a TOPE CON HILO, but he connects with Kane just as much as he does with his opponents. They bring him back in, double chokeslam, pinfall victory and new champs at 5:47.   Match Analysis: This really is an episode of RAW, isn't it. Fuck. What a waste of my time that match was. *. I still cannot think of any positives (in regards to the fanbase) of these brand exclusive PPV's. I just cannot. While it's good that some guys get a PPV payday, there is little, if any benefit for those paying their hard earned money to watch this. ___________________   Hype video for Goldberg vs. Chris Jericho...and we go to the match.   Blow-by-Blow: I don't want to get started on Goldberg's WWE run, so we'll start the match off with Goldberg tackling Jericho, knocking Jericho out of the ring. Goldberg brings Jericho in and slams him to the canvas, twice. He misses a charge though, but still gives Jericho a press slam. A press slam in which Goldberg drops Jericho nuts-first onto the top rope, that is. Then Goldberg drops Jericho onto the retaining barrier at ringside, but he misses a SPEAR, and goes through it. Ouch. Jericho now rams Goldberg's shoulder into the ringpost, and now, Goldberg's bleeding. Barely. Jericho gives Goldberg a missile dropkick for 2, then he wrenches Goldberg's arm in the bottom rope. Goldberg replies with a shoulderblock, but Jericho gives him a single-arm DDT and goes to the armbar. Goldberg kicks Jericho in the mush, and gives him an inverted atomic drop. Jericho quickly conters with a DDT for 2, and after Goldberg misses a charge to the corner, Jericho gives Goldberg a dropkick. That's followed up with a facebuster, and a LIONSAULT, but Jericho only gets a 2 count. Here's another Jericho facebuster, but Goldberg slams him instead of being given another LIONSAULT. SPEAR, no to the JACKHAMMER, because Jericho gives Goldberg a low blow. WALLS OF JERICHO, but Goldberg kicks off Jericho and runs to the corner. SPEAR, JACKHAMMER, Goldberg wins by pinfall at 10:59.   Match Analysis: This was pretty good, thanks to Jericho. Not to say that Goldberg didn't do his share of the work, it's just that Jericho has/had the ability to make almost any match a watchable one, at the least. Easily the best match on the show thus far, and we'll slap a *** rating on it. ___________________   The third spin of the Redneck Triathlon wheel leaves us with....a sing-off! Bischoff is happy because he KNOWS that Austin can't sing. ___________________   Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair is up next...   Blow-by-Blow: See, Flair attacked Shawn Michaels in a tag match after they agreed to face each other, so this thing isn't about respect anymore. They lock-up at the start, then break and Flair struts. Shawn applies a hammerlock, and takes Flair down to the canvas, before walking over him just like I walk on the carpet that's currently below my feet. He then slaps Flair, which causes Flair to take Shawn down to the mat. After Shawn gets to the ropes, he gives Flair a drop-toe hold, and a clothesline that sends Flair over the top and to the floor. Shawn follows Flair out with a pescado, then brings Flair back in for a shoulderblock. Flair chops away, but Shawn goes for a 10 punch in the corner. After that 10 punch, Flair comes out of the corner with a chopblock, and goes to work on the leg. He kneedrops Shawn's left leg, and applies the FIGURE-FOUR, to many cheers. Shawn breaks the hold, and comes back with an enziguri and a backdrop. Shawn misses a charge to the corner, so Flair goes up top...only to be slammed down to the canvas. Flair blocks SWEET CHIN MUSIC, but Shawn responds with a small package for 2. Shawn now goes to the FIGURE-FOUR, but Flair thumbs him in the eye, and tries a back suplex. No to that, and we've got a ref bump. Shawn sends Flair into the corner and upside down, so when Flair runs onto the top rope, Shawn clotheslines him on the way down. Shawn gives Flair a superplex, before looking under the ring for a table, which he finds. It's set up on the outside, but Flair's now up, and tries to suplex Shawn out of the ring. That won't happen, so Shawn rams Flair into the steel steps and places Flair on the table. Randy Orton tries to run through the crowd and attack Shawn, but HBK gives him SWEET CHIN MUSIC. Shawn goes to the top, and SPLASHES Flair THROUGH THE TABLE. Good. The back of Flair's head is bleeding as both wrestlers climb into the ring, and at the corner, Flair gives both HBK and the referee a low blow. Shawn goes into the regular offense, which starts with a flying forearm and a kip-up. After a bodyslam, Shawn goes to the top, and drops the elbow on Flair. TUNE UP THE BAND, SWEET CHIN MUSIC...but Randy Orton hits Shawn with a chair, and Flair covers Michaels for 3 at 14:19.   Match Analysis: Average match, but the table spot bumps the match up a bit. Somewhat less that what I expected, unfortunately. **3/4. Clearly, it's nice to see Flair getting a victory over a big name during his WWE run, as that was not exactly commonplace, especially in 2003. ___________________   Eric Bischoff is down for part 3 of the Redneck Triathlon...he's going to sing his theme music! Ha, he's not singing! He's lipping it. Austin notices that, and tells him to actually begin singing. Bischoff does, and it sucks. Austin says, well, we're going to re-spin the wheel, as a compromise. It 'lands' on Pig Pen Fun. The winner of this is the one who tosses the other into the pig pen. Austin gives Bischoff a STUNNER, takes him to the stage, and tosses him into the pig pen, to win the Redneck Triathlon. -***** for the entire thing. I don't know, why couldn't they do this on RAW? What makes this worth paying for, anyway? ___________________   Kevin Nash vs. HHH is your Hell in a Cell main event for the World Heavyweight Title, and Mick Foley is your special guest referee.   Blow-by-Blow: None of the referees wanted to officiate this, explaining Foley's appearance. Anyhow, we start, as HHH attacks Nash in the ring. Nash tosses HHH out, but in we go quickly, where they trade punches. Nash pushes HHH into Foley, and then he lines up HHH in the corner for his elbows and knees combo. Nash gives HHH a back elbow and clotheslines him over the top, before ramming him into the post on the outside. He tosses HHH into the cell, and slams him on the floor, before bringing him into the ring. A sidewalk slam from Nash gets 2, and so does two elbowdrops. Nash hits HHH in the mid-section with a chair, and then in the back. Outside now, and Nash picks HHH up so he can ram him into the cell. Then the steps, and HHH tries to run away...only for Nash to toss the steps at him. But they miss, and HHH rams Nash into the other set of steel steps. On the inside now, Nash tries the JACKKNIFE, but HHH takes him to the canvas, before going out to look for more weapons. HHH finds a tool box, and he pulls the lid off, to hit Nash with. Instead, he grabs a hammer out of the box, and hits Nash in the knee with it. Then in the head, and Nash is busted open. Foley pushes HHH down as they argue, and when HHH gets up, he grinds Nash's face into the cell. HHH now has a screwdriver after a bit more of that, and he stabs Nash in the face with it. Awesome. Now HHH grabs a BARBED WIRE 2x4, with which he hits Nash in the gut. Nash then takes the 2x4, and clobbers HHH in the head with it, making him bleed. Nash sets the 2x4 up at the buckle, and after two clotheslines, Nash snake eyes HHH onto the 2x4. The cover only gets 2, so Nash is about to turn to DRASTIC MEASURES. Drastic meaning, bringing in the steel steps from the outside. HHH hits Nash with a wooden box, and he's got the SLEDGEHAMMER! Foley takes it away, so HHH hits him. Nash drop-toe-holds HHH into the steel steps, but that only gets a 2 count. HHH kicks Nash in the knee, so he can hit both Foley and Nash in the head with a steel chair. Foley's bleeding like mad, but he's got Mr. Socko, which finds its way into the mouth of HHH. HHH kicks Foley in the nuts, and Nash hits Foley with the steps on accident, so he's out of commission. HHH knocks Foley off the apron and into the cell, on accident...and tries to give Nash the PEDIGREE. Nash slingshots HHH into the buckle where the 2x4 is currently sitting, but the JACKKNIFE and pinfall only get a TWO count. HHH crawls his way to the corner, and grabs the SLEDGEHAMMER, which he uses to knock Nash woozy for a bit. PEDIGREE, pinfall victory for HHH at 21:03. End show.   Match Analysis: It was actually quite good, but the finish really lacked gusto. They could've fought over the SLEDGEHAMMER, but HHH crawling over and using it without any resistance from Nash was pretty lame, to say the least. ***1/4, with a quarter knocked off for the finish. I take my ratings seriously. Honestly though, this was pretty good, and it adds another name to this question...   ___________________   Rating: Bad. Not exactly how you'd like to start the brand exclusive PPV formula. Not even two *** matches can save this one from being called bad, the first half of the show was just a pile of trash. And on the "would I be pissed if I paid for it" scale, it's about an 8, in the negative section. Plus, the Booker T vs. Christian finish is icing on the cake.   Best Segment: Triple H vs. Kevin Nash. I suppose it's a good thing that so many matches have been rated equally recently, because then I don't have to choose what's the best.   Worst Segment: Redneck Triathlon. Never.Repeat.Again. ___________________   Next, I'll review the house shows that were aired on 24/7 this month. Arrivederci!  
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Review: Monday Nitro and Monday Night RAW from 7/7/1997.

I'm probably going to watch Nitro first from here on out, so that's how I'm going to review them too. This one is from Memphis, Tennessee. ___________________   We flashback to last week, and then, Mean Gene invites Curt Hennig to the aisleway for an interview. He's not going to say what he'll be doing at Bash at the Beach, but he will say that he'll be involved with the card in some fashion. Here's Ric Flair, who wants Hennig to join the Four Horsemen. Needless to say, Hennig won't...yet. ___________________ Public Enemy vs. Harlem Heat w/Sister Sherri is the opener...   - It's not bad, not bad at all. Vincent comes to the ring towards the end, and Sherri tells Booker to chase Vincent away, so he does. Sherri pushes Rocco Rock into Stevie Ray on accident, so Johnny Grunge pins Stevie, getting the win at 4:56. Uh-oh. Mean Gene comes into the ring, slips up and calls Vincent "Virgil," then Harlem Heat tell Sherri to leave...for good. You can't fire me because I quit and all that...yeah. Match was **. ___________________   Hey, a Bash at the Beach ad? I mentioned something about not having that...well, Joe Gomez is going to take on Konnan.   - Raven's in the crowd, again. Good. This match though, not so good. Bland, rather. Apparently Konnan "broke" Rey Mysterio's leg last week. Poor kid. Tequila Sunrise gets Konnan the submission victory at 3:11. *. ___________________   Next up, Juventud Guerrera and Hector Garza are taking on Villano IV and Villano V.   - Hell of a match, compared to what's usually on Nitro. It's one of those things you need to go out of your way to see. Most of the match is double teams, with no regard for the referee, thank goodness. Anyway, Juvi finishes Villano V with a 450 splash at 6:16. ***1/4. ___________________   The NWO music hits...here comes Scott Hall, Randy Savage, and Elizabeth. You know where they're headed? The commentary table. I love when they go over there. Everyone leaves, except for Larry Zbyszko. He ain't going anywhere. Hall calls DDP a mid-card jabroni, then Savage rambles about some nonsense. Anyway, they go to leave, but Hall and Zbyszko get into an argument. They nearly come to blows, but things cool down a bit. ___________________   We flashback to World War III 1996, where the Giant eliminated Lex Luger in a move that really didn't look like he was trying to eliminate Luger at all. Anyhow, this is a Giant and Lex Luger interview...when I say interview, I mean a hackjob. ___________________   Vicious and Delicious w/Vincent are taking on Eddie and Chavo Guerrero, now.   - Vicious and Delicious are Scott Norton and Buff Bagwell. Eddie's ring attire problem is fixed, so now, lastly, his music. That music he has needs to be ditched. Anyway, a limo pulls up and leaves. Wow.   - Eddie won't tag Chavo, so he just leaves him. I laughed. Eddie watches as Chavo gets his ass beat, culminating in a BUFF BLOCKBUSTER for the three count at 8:02. **. Fun shall be had later on between the Guerrero's. ___________________   Hour #2, and Zbyszko won't leave until this match is over. The match I'm talking about is Randy Savage w/Scott Hall and Elizabeth vs. LA PARKA.   - WTF DREAM MATCH 1997!111!1!111!   - Ok, Hall walks over toward the announce table, taunting Zbyszko, but he doesn't really want to do anything, does he? He meaning Hall. Anyway, while Hall's over there, LA PARKA gives Savage a DIAMOND CUTTER. He pulls the mask off...and it's DDP! HA. He covers Savage, getting the three count at 3:12, then he runs into the crowd to celebrate. *1/4, but a hell of a surprise there. ___________________   Psychosis and Silver King w/Sonny Onoo are facing Glacier and Ernest Miller.   - Eddie and Chavo are fighting in the back, see what I said? Mortis and Wrath run to the ring, so we've got a no-contest at 2:34. Everyone's fighting everyone! Seriously, no joke. ___________________   On the Road in Orlando...yawn.   Mean Gene is with Ric Flair, for a second time tonight. Flair calls out Roddy Piper, and whoa, oh wait, he's got another Piper mannequin. Geez. Piper ain't got the guts, but wait a second, he's standing right behind Flair. Piper chases Flair to the ring and tears off Flair's clothes, before putting Flair in a sleeperhold. That continues for a bit, until Chris Benoit and Mongo McMichael come to the ring. Benoit gains control, and gives Piper a FLYING HEADBUTT, which ends the segment. But for one thing, a mysterious person ran in and cleaned house as they were going to commercial. It looked like Curt Hennig, but I don't really know. ___________________   Continuing our lack of matches, Mike Tenay has walked over to Raven, once again. Stevie Richards, King of Swing comes into the picture(!), and says that he's the only one who can get some answers out of Raven. He asks if Raven has signed a WCW contract, which causes Raven to slap Stevie, and leave. ___________________   Eric Bischoff and Hollywood Hogan now make their way up, in what's clearly a Bash at the Beach hype segment. People throw a bunch of stuff at Hogan, and then, after a bit., Lex Luger and The Giant come to the ring. Bischoff tried to hit Luger, so he gets RACKED. Vincent and Buff Bagwell run down, and both of them get chokeslammed. Anyway, Hogan runs away, scared. That ends the show. ___________________ Great episode of Nitro this time. You got good tag wrestling, and well, that's good enough for me. Plus, we're getting to the point where there's a large portion of these shows that feature wrestlers the 'net as a whole is more interested in. That's good too. Best segment was definitely Juvi and Garza vs. Villano's IV and V, and the worst was probably Joe Gomez vs. Konnan. Looking forward to the next Nitro, as I have been all along. ___________________   RAW this week is from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. ___________________   Bret Hart comes to the ring at the top of the show, wearing an Oilers sweater. Asskisser. He has a shot at the WWF Title at SummerSlam, in New Jersey. He rips apart America, and says that if he doesn't win on August 3rd, he won't wrestle on American soil again. Period. He brings out Owen Hart and the British Bulldog, so they can listen to the Canadian National Anthem. Before that though, Bulldog vs. Ken Shamrock at SummerSlam was announced. While listening to the anthem, STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD attacks all three men from behind with a steel chair. What a swell fellow. During the commercial which followed this attack, Bret said that none of his opponents will ever walk over Canada. ___________________   Taka Michinoku is taking on the Great Sasuke, in a rematch from last night's Canadian Stampede PPV.   - Brian Christopher comes down to the ring for commentary, and before the match, Sasuke cut a promo. Uh, why?   - Sasuke finishes Taka with a thunderfire powerbomb. Hells yeah. Oh, match was ***, and it ended at 5:46. Too short, but hey, that's television. ___________________   Crush w/The Disciples of Apocalypse is taking on Savio Vega w/Los Boricuas.   - Before the match, we watch a video of this whole gang situation, poop on all that. Chainz hits Vega, which starts a giant brawl at 2:19. 1/4*. Yeah, giant brawl. ___________________   Paul Bearer has an interview, yes, Kane told him so, Taker's a MURDERER. Now, we've got Faarooq and D'Lo Brown facing Owen Hart and the British Bulldog w/Jim Neidhart and Brian Pillman in the Final of the Tag Team Tournament. - Before the bout, Pillman grabbed a sign that says, "Nation of Masturbation." For real.   - Steve Austin still doesn't want a partner for next week, btw. See, the appeal of this match is minimal to most Americans (unless you like the Harts), seeing as it's heel vs. heel. Well, heel vs. heel here, but not heel vs. heel in Canada. Anyway, moving forward, all hell breaks loose on the outside, but Owen stays in the ring, causing his team to win by countout. So they'll face Steve Austin next week. Mankind runs down while wearing an Austin 3:16 shirt, and motions that he and Austin will be keeping those titles. Sure, Mick. *1/4. ___________________   Steve Austin comments on Hunter Hearst Helmsley, and guess what, those two will be facing each other, right now!   - Warzone...Quite the matchup here, correct? Anyway, the match is good by RAW standards, but not Stone Cold vs. HHH good. You'd expect that to be the case. Mankind takes a chairshot in place of Austin, which allows Austin to give HHH a STONE COLD STUNNER and pick up the pinfall victory at 6:17 (shown). **1/4. Austin grabs a microphone, and he wants Mankind to come into the ring, Of course he does, and Austin says that he just wants Mankind to shake his hand, and they can be a team. Well, Mankind hugs him. I'll be damned. Ha, Austin gives him a STUNNER. Austin says that they aren't a team, and that Mick shouldn't trust anybody. Austin leaves, but Mankind grabs the microphone. You see, he just wanted a friend, that's all. Now, drastic measures must be taken. Who knows what they shall be. ___________________   Sunny's our guest ring announcer (yo), for this match between Brian Christopher and Eric Shelley.   - I don't quite understand what they're trying to do with the Light Heavyweight Division at this point. I don't think they ever understood, to be fair. Top rope legdrop gives Christopher the pinfall after a kinda boring 3:52. *1/2. Lawler and Christopher give Shelley a spike piledriver, which is probably going to become routine. ___________________   Steve Austin comes to the ring for an interview...he still doesn't know who his tag team partner is going to be. Also, at SummerSlam, when he faces Owen Hart for the Intercontinental Title, he'll kiss Owen's ass if he can't kick it. We're already getting ridiculous with the Russo stuff here. I know there's going to be another (or two), (what I like to call) ultimatum match/es added, and generally, most suck. Unless the angle involves a dress or a haircut, in all likelihood, the one being pushed up against a wall is going to win. Russo's fingerprints are pretty much all over this, and I don't like it. I know all those matches feature members of the Hart Foundation, but I don't care. It sucks.   Tirade over. ___________________   The main event is Goldust vs. Bret Hart.   - I'm sure that something was cut from the original airing of this show, because there has been very little time between the beginning of the Warzone and now, or even the end of this match. Unless of course, they just cut some super long commercials out. Yeah.   - DOA comes down, uh, why? That doesn't make any damn sense. Here comes the Hart Foundation, then Ken Shamrock and the Legion of Doom. Now Austin's on the ramp, as Bret rolls Goldust up for three at 7:29. **. Big celebration and all, then the show ends.   So, what was the point of all that? ___________________   The show was definitely good, but not better than Nitro. There's just some, I don't know, WEIRD stuff going on during this show. Best segment was probably Austin pulling the whole DON'T TRUST ANYBODY thing on Mankind, and the worst was easily the GANG WARZ during the Savio Vega/Crush match. I feigned excitement at the start of GANG WARZ, but really, this sucks. ___________________   Beware of Dog review is next, probably won't finish it up by Friday, but I'll try. Next month on 24/7 is going to be awful (and have a Clash as the only big event at the beginning of the month), so I'll have a bit of time to rest my ailing fingers soon.
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Review: Monday Night RAW and Monday Nitro from 6/23/1997.

From Detroit, Michigan, it's MONDAY NIGHT RAWWWWW ___________________   This show is in memory of Stan Stasiak, and I'm glad to see that wasn't cut out.   The Nation of Domination make their way down to the ring, because they have an interview with Vince McMahon. Ahmed Johnson does a majority of the talking, and he sucks at it. Just shut up already. The other Nation members say some stuff, and talk about Ahmed finally getting a shot at the Undertaker. O RLY? Crush and some white boys show up, all of them riding motorcycles. You see, Crush wants to ride 'til he dies. These guys are the Disciples of Apocalypse. They must hate blacks, because now they fight with the Nation, until officials and police come down to the ring and break it up. ___________________ Preview of the show....and after a crazy LOD promo, we have Rockabilly w/Honky Tonk Man taking on Ken Shamrock.   - Shamrock finally has the same music for a second week in a row. Dan Severn is on commentary, FWIW.   - Vince goes to bat for the UFC, and starts talking about how officials are trying to have it shut down...needless to say, Vince would not be defending the UFC today, or even talking about it. Shamrock ANKLE LOCK gets the tapout at 2:38. 1/2*. Honky wanted to hit Shamrock with his guitar, but Shamrock turned around before that could happen. Honky just left, and now, Severn and Shamrock are staring each other down. They shake hands, and Shamrock raises Severn's hand. Lame. ___________________   The Godwinns have something to say, and they say it before their first round tag tournament match with the Legion of Doom.   - The Godwinns toss foilage at LOD before the match...it wasn't even slop, for cryin' out loud. They're out of the farmer phase as well, as evidenced by the lack of yellow shirts.   - Apparently Ken Shamrock has been attacked by the Hart Foundation...we're supposed to hear more about that, but we never do. Hawk gives Henry a flying clothesline off the top, giving LOD the pinfall victory to advance into the semi-finals, at 3:42. It was an awkward looking finish as Henry landed on Animal's back, so I'll give it *. The Hart Foundation (sans Bret, who's at the stage) comes down to the ring and attacks LOD with chairs, leaving them down and out in the middle of the ring. ___________________   Thomas Hearns is there...YEAH, boy. Probably my favorite fighter of all-time, although Shane Mosley is my favorite of the present.   Paul Bearer and the Undertaker are in the back, and the Undertaker is tired of Paul's shit. He chokes Bearer, and chokes Vader as well once Vader enters the picture. Then Taker leaves.   Owen Hart has an interview, in which he talks about a conspiracy against him. You know, it isn't fair that a Canadian has to fight two Americans in a triple threat match on US soil.   Last in this little block of junk, we have a promo for the "Cause Stone Cold Said So" video, it's rated M, because Austin is a crazy motherfucker, you see. ___________________   Flash Funk vs. Sabu w/Bill Alfonso is our next contest...   - Funk cuts a promo prior to the bout, needless to say, this could be very good. Paul E. is on commentary, and we see some footage of Sabu's ECW matches before this. Now, here's what I've gotta know. Why is Vince showing this footage? It makes the WWF look like amateur punk stuff. I sure know I wouldn't have let that run on my TV time.   - Hell of an exhibition here, which ends as both are counted out at 4:38. Sabu sets Funk up on a table outside the ring and gives him a quebrada, but it doesn't break the table. A big splash doesn't break the table as Heyman talks about non-pre cut tables in the WWF, so now, Sabu has to go back up top. A legdrop off the top finally puts Funk through the table, and Sabu leaves through the crowd, to much applause. **1/2. ___________________ Mankind vs. the British Bulldog is our next match, in a non-title affair...   - Mankind makes his way to the ring wearing an Austin 3:16 shirt, and a sign around his neck that reads "PICK ME STEVE." Haha. You know, he wants to be Steve Austin's tag team partner. Mankind grabs a microphone next, and he says that he's dedicating this match to the absent Steve Austin, because Austin is the toughest SOB in the World Wrestling Federation.   - Yes, Mankind wrestles with the sign around his neck on. Austin's on the phone, and says he'll be back on Saturday. Not only that, but he gives Mankind some credit for wearing that shirt. After 4:10, Bulldog hits Mankind in the back with a chair. Then in the face, unprotected. Mankind gets up after a bit, and gives Bulldog the MANDIBLE CLAW, as Bulldog was focused on his posing. Ha. *1/2. ___________________   Now, we have the first triple threat match in the history of the WWE, AFAIK. It's Goldust w/Marlena vs. HHH w/Chyna vs. Owen Hart w/Brian Pillman.   - Before the match, there was some controversy surrounding Brian Pillman being allowed to come to ringside with Owen. Gorilla Monsoon said yes, and that's all that matters. We're in the Warzone, and the special guest referee for this match is the first Intercontinental Champion, Pat Patterson.   - Goldust has another false title victory, this one coming after a CURTAIN CALL at 3:15. Owen's foot was on the ropes, just like the British Bulldog's was on 6/9/97. This part was *1/4, and a bit funny, seeing as this is a new concept for the Fed. After the commercial and much banter, this match restarts.   - The 2nd version of the match is better, IMO. Chyna gives Goldust a hurricanrana, in our notable interference of the contest. Goldust inadvertently gives HHH an elbowdrop from the top, and that allows Owen to pin HHH for the three count at 3:45. ** for that portion, add them, round and add personal bias, we get *3/4. ___________________   Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart now make their way to the ring, and see, Bret and Anvil are the best tag team of all time, not LOD. Bret starts calling Thomas Hearns a thief, subsequently pissing him off. Bret tells Tommy to bring his ass into the ring, and Tommy does, knocking down the Anvil after entering. Officials separate Tommy and Bret, so that's over. The crowd loved it, Hearns being from Detroit and this being Detroit. ___________________   Before the next match, Savio Vega comes into the Nation's lockerroom while they're cutting a promo, so Faarooq whips him with a belt, like an angry parent would do to their child. That next match is Scott Taylor vs. Brian Christopher w/Jerry Lawler.   - Christopher cuts a promo about the Light Heavyweight Division, so yeah, that's coming soon. Lawler insinuates that Christopher is not his son, and after a short affair, the bout ends with a Christopher legdrop off the top for 3 at 2:54. *3/4. ___________________   Paul Bearer and Vader are in the back, and they say that the situation between them and the Undertaker has been straightened out. We'll see for ourselves, as Vader and the Undertaker w/Paul Bearer are taking on Faarooq and D'Lo Brown w/Kama Mustafa in the final matchup of the first round of the tag team tournament.   - Ahmed Johnson was injured during the brawl earlier, so he's not going to participate in this match. Thank fuck he didn't come back until SummerSlam, because I shudder to think what would've happened had he stuck around. Maybe no Rock? The Disciples of the Apocalypse come to ringside early, and they brawl with everyone but Vader, who just stands in the ring doing nothing. To a commercial...   - Back from the break, Bearer and Taker are having a war of words as Vader's going at it alone. Vader goes to tag in Taker, but Taker punches him, and Faarooq pins Vader at 5:03 (shown). Wow, he jobbed to a PUNCH. 3/4*. Taker and Vader fight, Taker gives Vader a TOMBSTONE, and chases Bearer out of the ring. Bearer grabs a microphone, and next week, he'll reveal the secret, which is basically what everyone in the crowd and the viewers watching at home have wanted Bearer to do for weeks. End show. ___________________ Show was in some ways bad, but at best, decent. Best segment had to be THOMAS FUCKIN' HEARNS getting in the ring and the worst was probably LOD vs. the Godwinns. I can't stand when those two teams face each other. ___________________   MONDAY NITRO is from MACON, GEORGIA!!!! ___________________   We flashback to last week, and to start the show, Mean Gene is with Diamond Dallas Page and Kimberly. His partner at Bash at the Beach is going to be a complete surprise, Page says, and not only that, but he's facing Scott Hall tonight. ___________________ Public Enemy vs. Damien and La Parka is our first match...   - The Public Enemy thing is so lame. I hate it, at the moment. There isn't a whole lot to say besides the result, other than the usual table demolition Public Enemy does.   - La Parka hits Johnny Grunge with a chair, and gets the pinfall at 2:55. Yawn. *. ___________________   Eddy Guerrero is in the aisleway for an interview with Mean Gene, and he says that when he didn't wrestle last week, it was because he wasn't cleared to wrestle. He wants Chavo Guerrero to come out, but Chavo says that he didn't exactly offer to wrestle Dean Malenko, Eddy told him to. Eddy has a shot at Syxx's Cruiserweight Title later on, and he says that he'll give that title shot to Chavo to show that he's sorry for ordering him around. Of course, Chavo takes the opportunity. ___________________ Alex Wright vs. Chris Jericho is some return match from that Nitro in Boston that WWE 24/7 skipped...   - You see, Alex Wright's new attitude is because he hates America. That explains everything.   - This is fairly good, although the crowd doesn't give a shit. They only make noise when Wright dances. After Jericho makes him tap to the LIONTAMER at 4:41, Wright isn't dancing. **. ___________________   We flash to the Great American Bash, when Vincent interfered in Harlem Heat's business. Obviously, that means we're going to see Harlem Heat w/Sister Sherri take on the Steiner Brothers.   - This match is for the #1 contenders spot, in case you didn't notice. Scott has this goatee going, and it looks ugly. There's some hype for the house show at the Great Western Forum, which is being called The Show that Eric Bischoff Doesn't Want You to See. I suppose that's a good name.   - Good match, by Nitro standards. Rick Steiner bulldogs Booker T from the top, and pins him at 8:12 to win the #1 contendership. I think that's what you'd call it. **3/4.   Gene Okerlund is now with Scott Norton and Buff Bagwell, who call themselves "Vicious and Delicious." What a terrible name. They also want a title shot, and they leave, as the Steiners make their way up the ramp. The Steiners want Hall and Nash for the belts next week in Vegas, and that's all there is to it. ___________________ Hector Garza vs. Villano IV is the pissbreak match...   - Seriously. Tons of empty seats, and the match certainly isn't good enough to bring people back to those seats any quicker. Garza finishes the bout with a standing moonsault at 4:47. 1/2*. ___________________   Mean Gene invites Lex Luger and the Giant to the ring, obviously for interview time. Luger's wearing this Farmer John type shirt, I only mentioned it because it made me laugh. At Bash at the Beach, Luger's going to get revenge on Hogan for last week in Chicago. The Giant's going to put a hook in the Worm, AHHHHH! ___________________   Hour #2 begins, and the match to start that off is Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Syxx w/Scott Hall for the WCW Cruiserweight Championship.   - Scott Hall's expressions are hilarious. He's outside the ring, going through all of them, and I'm laughing at it. Eddy Guerrero's standing in the entranceway, because he's watching Chavo's back. Chavo gets in quite a bit of offense, but Scott Hall comes into the ring with the referee distracted and gives Chavo the OUTSIDER'S EDGE. Eddy does nothing, so really, he was just watching Chavo, not his back. The BUZZKILLER gets the submission and Syxx retains his belt at 6:01. **1/4 for another solid affair. ___________________   Konnan is taking on Mongo McMichael w/Debra, now.   - Jeff Jarrett is on "Horsemen Probation." Now I've heard everything. Hugh Morrus comes to the ring with a kendo stick, but he isn't allowed into the ring. BUT, that distracts Konnan, and Mongo gives him a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER, giving Mongo the pinfall victory at 3:14. 1/2*. ___________________   We're ON THE ROAD in Vegas, yadayada. Those fake slot reel sounds in the background are all too typical.   Roddy Piper comes down the aisle to talk to Gene Okerlund, and Piper says that he's still not happy about Slamboree. Apparently, that pissed Ric Flair off, so here he is. Flair says that what happened at Slamboree was in their best interests, and that Piper shouldn't be questioning him. That brings Mongo and CHRIS BENOIT to the ring. Uh-oh. Both having something to say (although Benoit's spiel is edited out), and then, Piper attacks Mongo and Benoit. Now they all fight, including Ric Flair trying to beat up Piper. He can't, but the briefcase to the back fixes all that, and Benoit gives Piper the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE. Officials come to ringside to break things up, and we go to a commercial. ___________________ We're back, and it's Glacier & Ernest Miller taking on High Voltage.   - The arena lights always stay dimmed during Glacier's matches...I have no idea why I just now noticed that, or noticed it at all. Mortis and Wrath are nearby, of course.   - Miller gives Rage a flying kick off the top for the win at 2:15. Mortis and Wrath now come to ringside, but they don't attack. *.   Now we have a Hollywood Hogan and Dennis Rodman video package, for some unexplained reason. ___________________   Finally, the main event is here. Diamond Dallas Page w/Kimberly is taking on Scott Hall w/Randy Savage and Elizabeth.   - Needless to say, this one is not going to end clean. Kimberly left early, because she didn't want to be around Savage. Makes sense. What doesn't make sense is that this feud will continue in some fashion until OCTOBER.   - Savage comes in at 5:28, getting Hall DQ'd. No surprise. *1/2. Hall gives DDP a back suplex from the top and when Savage goes up for the FLYING ELBOW...   IT'S STING!   He's in the crowd, oh no! Savage drops the elbow on Page anyway, bringing Sting down to the ring. Savage and Hall plot on the outside about how they'll take this on, and they run into the ring, only to be clobbered by Sting's bat, ending the show. ___________________   Show was good. Best segment was the end of the show, and the worst was Glacier and Miller's tag match. Nitro was better this time. ___________________   Next up is a tripleheader of epic proportions. Just house shows.
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Review: WWF WrestleMania IX, from Las Vegas, Nevada; 4/4/1993.

I tinkered with the idea of putting "from Ancient Rome" in the title, but I decided not to. You know, because of this show's motif. ___________________   Gorilla Monsoon introduces the show, but he's not our announcer. JIM ROSS is, and making his WWF debut to boot! ___________________   Finkus Maximus introduces Julius Caesar and Cleopatra, then our announce team. Randy Savage is accompanied by a few vestal virgins (ha), and Bobby Heenan rides a camel to the ring, backwards, of course. When he gets off, Savage pulls up Heenan's toga to reveal a pair of BVD's. Funny. ___________________   The first match on this card is Tatanka w/Sensational Sherri vs. Shawn Michaels w/Luna Vachon for the Intercontinental Championship.   Blow-by-blow: To start, both men do a little indy applause stance segment, to no applause. Shawn's hammerlock is reversed, so Shawn reverses Tatanka's hold into a top wristlock. Tatanka powers out, but Shawn takes him to the canvas with a headlock for a 2 count. Shawn tries another takedown, but Tatanka gives him a back suplex. Tatanka misses a charge to the corner, but he gives Shawn an armdrag as Shawn leaps off the top rope. He sends Shawn into the corner where Shawn goes upside down and onto the apron, then he chops Shawn down to the floor. Shawn rams Tatanka into the buckle when on the apron, and comes off the top with a sunset flip for a 2 count. Tatanka gives Shawn an inverted atomic drop, and then a DDT, before going to an armbar. A long one, at that. Tatanka then gives Shawn a shoulderbreaker, and a tomahawk chop from up top. Tatanka goes up for a third, but Shawn superkicks him on the way down. Shawn tosses Tatanka over the top and to the floor, then taunts Sherri from the ring apron. Uh...a neckbreaker from Shawn follows for a 2 count, and so does a dropkick which also gets 2. Shawn goes to the chinlock, and when Tatanka powers out, he gives Tatanka a botched victory roll for a 2 count. Don't think they were supposed to do that, as evidenced by going right back to that spot and Tatanka dropping Michaels to the canvas from his shoulders for a 2 count. Shawn gives Tatanka an axhandle from the second rope, but now, Tatanka is using POWERS OF THE SPIRITS ABOVE, so nothing's hurting him. Tatanka chops away at Shawn, and gives him a crossbody for 2. He slingshots Shawn into the ringpost, and a roll-up gets 2. he goes for the END OF THE TRAIL, but Shawn counters with a roll-up for a 2 count. Shawn goes to the top soon after, but Tatanka catches him in mid-leap and powerslams him for a 2 count. Shawn dumps Tatanka, and from the apron, he misses a crossbody, hitting the steel steps. Shawn pulls the referee out of the ring for some reason, and when Tatanka gives Shawn the END OF THE TRAIL, the bell rings. Why, whatever could be going on here? Finkus Maximus says that Tatanka wins by COUNTOUT, but he does not win the Intercontinental Title. BOO. Time was 18:16. After the bout, Luna attacks Sherri. Jim Ross says that Sherri needs help, and in response Bobby Heenan says that she always has needed help, starting with her makeup. LAWL.   Match Analysis: A good opener for WrestleMania, but a lot was missing. Namely crisp spots. Too much stuff seemed sloppy, but outside of that and the terrible finish, it was an ok match. There will be better matches, just not necessarily on this show. **1/2. ___________________   Mean Gene Okerlund is with the Steiner Brothers, giving them an interview before their match vs. The Headshrinkers w/Afa. So yeah, that.   Blow-by-blow: Bill Alfonso is the referee...thought that was of note. Fatu and Scott start the match, and Scott takes Fatu down with an armdrag. A Scott hiptoss follows, and so does a STEINERLINE. The ring fills up as both teams try to take control, and the Headshrinkers win that battle, by tossing the Steiners out of the ring. Both Steiners go to the top rope, and they clothesline the Headshrinkers on their way in. Rick and Samu have entered the match, and they both clothesline each other. Scott tags in and gives Samu a double underhook powerbomb, before giving Fatu a nice dropkick. Samu nearly kills Scott when dropping him out of the ring as most have seen before, and Afa only furthers the damage by hitting Scott with a kendo stick. Fatu gives Scott a backbreaker back on the inside, and follows it up with a flying headbutt off the 2nd rope for a 2 count. The Headshrinkers give Scott a double headbutt, but Samu misses a charge to the corner. That doesn't allow Rick to tag in, though, but Fatu does and tosses Scott out of the ring. Fatu gives Scott a thrust kick after his face is rammed into the mat, you know, because Samoans have hard heads and they don't get hurt. Fatu goes to the NERVE HOLD, but both clothesline each other. After Samu tags in and misses a flying headbutt from the top rope, Rick Steiner makes the hot tag. Rick gives everyone STEINERLINES, and tries a noggin-knocker, but obviously that isn't going to work, and the Headshrinkers give him a double front-russian leg sweep. They try for a doomsday device type move, but Rick gives Samu a powerslam out of mid-air. Yo. Scott gives Fatu a belly-to-belly as the excess makes their way out of the ring, but Samu slams him. Scott gives Samu a FRANKENSTEINER as the ropes are being ran, and that finishes Samu for the victory at 14:23. Match Analysis: Much better than I remembered it being. After all, thinking about it, all matches between late 80's era NWA tag teams should be fun. **.   If you cannot stomach bad wrestling, quit watching the show right here. Seriously. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Doink for an interview, see, Doink drew on a statue of Julius Caesar, so Okerlund feigns outrage. We flash to when Doink attacked Crush with a prosthetic arm...laughable, ain't it? ___________________ So now, we have Doink vs. Crush. Reasons for this are stated above.   Blow-by-blow: Bobby Heenan is still pushing the "Doink is some wrestler that we've seen before" thing...when did that end? Doink squirts Crush with the flower on his coat, causing Crush to chase, and eventually slam Doink on the outside. Crush rams Doink into the ringpost, guardrail, and back into the ring, before giving Doink a neckbreaker. A backbreaker follows, but Doink uses the rope as help and gives Crush an axhandle off the top rope. Doink goes to the 2nd rope twice and gives Crush a few punches, before giving him a PILEDRIVER. Doink eats a boot on his way down from the top, and Crush gives Doink a powerslam from the 2nd rope. This is bad. And it has no heat. Crush clotheslines Doink over the top, which causes Doink to LOOK UNDER THE RING! Oh no. Crush prevents Doink from crawling under the ring, then sends him inside, for a gorilla press slam. He now applies the HEAD CRUSH, but Doink makes it to the ropes. When Crush turns around he hits the referee with his elbow, so now he's out cold. Doink tries to go UNDER THE RING, but Crush prevents him again, to give him the HEAD CRUSH. Back in with that, and a 2ND DOINK comes out from UNDER THE RING, to hit Crush with a prosthetic arm, giving Doink the oomph he needed to get the pinfall at 8:29. I didn't forget to mention that both Doinks did this little mirror-image routine that was super-retarded, of course, before the pinfall. Bill Alfonso comes to ringside to point out that there was a second Doink, and when looking under the ring, referee Joey Marella seemingly busted his noggin or something. He's acting like a malaria patient. Guess that constitutes an angle in those days.   Match Analysis: You know, I was ready to give it a DUD, until Joey Marella started acting like he had a headache. That was brutal. Just a simple -*. Wrestling was horrid (in the sense that Crush is terrible, and did not belong in the ring), but that can easily be forgiven if spots are not botched and with a simple ending to the match. Retardedness cannot be forgiven. ___________________   Todd Pettingill is in the crowd, asking about this Doink situation. Thankfully this is short, and ignorable. ___________________   Bob Backlund vs. Razor Ramon is our next contest, and Razor enters to a...favorable reaction. Heh.   Blow-by-blow: Razor tosses the toothpick at Backlund, to another favorable reaction. A big "Razor" chant begins, as Backlund trips Razor a few times. Razor slams Backlund twice in response, as Randy Savage talks about Lex Luger knocking out Bret Hart at the brunch earlier. They did that to set up a little run on the house shows, as you can see by checking thehistoryofwwe.com. Backlund gives Razor two hiptosses and a dropkick, before following that up with a double underhook suplex. Backlund gives Razor an atomic drop, causing Razor to bail out, cause Backlund's in SUPREME CONTROL. Backlund brings Razor in the hard way, but Razor rolls Backlund up for the victory at 3:44.   Match Analysis: Well, I suppose they weren't trying to make Razor look good. He looked anything but. 1/2*. I didn't really understand that match. ___________________   Money Inc. are with Mean Gene for an interview, and see, Gene thinks that the Mega Maniacs are going to have their numbers. On RAW, Brutus Beefcake was attacked with Money Inc's briefcase, so now, he has to wear a mask. Jimmy Hart tried to help even though he was Money Inc's manager, but he unable to do anything. IRS says that they're facing the "Mega Morons" and that Hogan was attacked at a gym last night, so his face is all screwed up. We'll see about that. ___________________   WHOA, LOOK AT HOGAN'S FACE.   Quite obviously, the Mega Maniacs w/Jimmy Hart are facing Money Inc. for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   Blow-by-blow: The champions instantly attack the Maniacs, but much like all other Hogan matches, he and Beefcake manage to clear the ring. Beefcake looks like a big douche with all this red and yellow and the mask he's wearing too, so to start the match, it'll be him and IRS. DiBiase quickly comes in to work on Beefcake, the height of that being a back elbow. IRS comes in for the double team and stays in, with a few punches for Beefcake before tagging back out. DiBiase tries to punch Beefcake in the face, but Beefcake's mask is keeping the punch from doing damage. Beefcake gets rammed into the buckle which also does nothing, so Beefcake returns the favor and tags in the HULKSTER. He gives Ted a 10 punch in the corner and a clothesline, before Beefcake comes in and they give DiBiase a double big boot. Hogan gives DiBiase an axhandle from rope #2, and clotheslines him over the top, bringing IRS in. Money Inc. want to leave when IRS gets tossed over the top rope, but the referee does the whole, "you better come back by the count of 10 or you'll lose your titles" thing, so of course, they come back. DiBIase and Hogan are in the ring, so DiBiase chokes Hogan a whole lot. The last three minutes have been non-sense, and once the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM gets slapped on, we can make that five minutes of nearly nothing at all. Hogan doesn't power out or anything, but the referee gets taken out of the picture or something and Beefcake gives DiBiase a sleeper, getting him to break the hold. Beefcake tags in now with the referee alive and well, and he gives IRS a high knee. DiBiase gets atomic dropped out, but after Beefcake punches IRS, DiBiase comes in and hits Beefcake in the back with the briefcase. Mongo blatantly stole that gimmick, in case you were thinking about it. DiBiase rips Beefcake's mask off, so he can go to work. The referee gets bumped when Beefcake puts the sleeper on IRS, so Hogan's able to make his way in, un-impeded. Hogan hits both champions with Beefcake's mask and both pin the champions at 18:14 w/Jimmy Hart counting the fall...but the bell is rung, and the match is over. The Mega Maniacs celebrate like morons, but a new referee comes into the ring and raises Money Inc's hands. Haha. The champions try to hit the Maniacs after the match with their tag belts, but it doesn't do anything. Jimmy Hart tosses Danny Davis over the top, Hogan poses, and they give money from Money Inc's briefcase to the crowd. Whoop-de-doo. The crowd went nuts when Hogan had the money, that being the only positive thing to come out of this. Match Analysis: Like I said, this was the worst tag title match at WrestleMania. It was absolutely terrible. 18 minutes of fast-forward material for sure, and it's clear to see why. When Beefcake has to help carry a match, the match sucks. DUD. ___________________   For 24/7 viewers, now we're on Part 2. Todd Pettingill asks Natalie Cole a few questions, thankfully, that's just a fluff piece.   Now, Mr. Perfect has a promo, in which he gets his words confused with one another. Poor guy. ___________________   Mr. Perfect vs. LEX LUGER is next...   Blow-by-blow: One of my favorite characters, this version of Lex Luger. Too bad it didn't last. You'd figure that with some of the great matches Luger has had, this would be one of them, Hennig being a participant and all. Perfect gives Luger a kneelift and a dropkick, but Luger quickly responds with an elbow before Perfect takes him to the canvas. Perfect works on Luger's leg with a spinning toehold, but Luger makes it to the ropes. Perfect tries to kick away, but Luger sends Perfect to the corner and tosses him over the top. Luger gives Perfect a backbreaker on the inside for a 2 count, and when Perfect misses a charge to the corner, Luger covers him for 2 while putting his feet on the ropes. Luger gives Perfect a powerslam for 2, but Perfect responds with a sunset flip for 2. Perfect applies a sleeper, but Luger rams him right into the buckle. Perfect gives Luger an inside cradle for a 2 count, and a backdrop to boot. Perfect then gives Luger three clotheslines, which get a 2 count, and a swinging neckbreaker, which also gets 2. Perfect comes off the top with a missile dropkick for 2, but Luger pins Perfect with a backslide for a 3 count with Perfect's feet on the ropes at 10:56. That looked as weird as it sounded. Soon as the decision is announced, Luger gets up and hits Perfect with the LOADED FOREARM. Poor Perfect.   Match Analysis: Not good. Not good at all. Perfect did his best, but it just wasn't working for me, nor was it working for the live crowd. *. ___________________   After the match, Mr. Perfect heads to the back, obviously to fight Lex Luger. What he doesn't know is that Shawn Michaels is talking to Luger, and Michaels is not going to put up with Perfect's shit. Shawn beats down Perfect, until officials break it up. How embarassing.   Heenan and Savage nearly fight when talking about Luger's forearm, and then, Gorilla Monsoon hypes the rest of the show. And boy, do these matchups ever need the hype. ___________________   Giant Gonzales w/Harvey Wippleman vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer is our shitty match du-jour...   Blow-by-blow: Talk about a freakshow. Yeesh. Taker gets wheeled to the ring in a chariot of death or something, accompanied by a vulture. Both men have a staredown, and then they choke each other. Taker gives Gonzales OLD SCHOOL, but Gonzales comes back with a running clothesline. Gonzales selling is so funny...you just have to see it. Gonzales beels Taker before going to the chinlock, and then, he tosses Taker out of the ring. He rams Taker into the steel steps, and brings him back in, for a headbutt. Gonzales gets knocked down after a few Taker punches, and then Taker focuses his attention on Harvey Wippleman, who he chokes. Gonzales hits Paul Bearer, and smothers Taker with a chloroform soaked rag, for the DQ at 7:33. Gonzales gives Bill Alfonso a chokeslam, which causes the crowd to chant for Hulk Hogan. Thank God we never had an epic matchup between Hulk Hogan and Giant Gonzales. Taker gets taken to the back on a stretcher, he has risen from the dead, and he clotheslines Gonzales to the ground, causing Gonzales to leave.   Match Analysis: Not as bad as most would have you believe, but still. Horrendous angle, horrendous wrestling, selling, and everything else. My dad was laughing at Gonzales selling when he got home and watched part of the match, so yeah, it was that bad. -***. ___________________   Next we see a video of Hacksaw Jim Duggan getting destroyed by Yokozuna, and the contract signing of Bret vs. Yoko that's currently on 24/7. Hulk Hogan has an interview, and he talks about how the HULKAMANIACS ARE WITH BRET, BROTHER. He challenges either Bret or "the jap" to a match, and he guarantees that the title will be staying in the United States. Why, whatever does he mean?   Todd Pettingill's in the crowd, his teeth look rotten, and I couldn't even pay attention to what he said. ___________________   Bad matches have killed the crowd before the main event, which features Yokozuna taking on Bret Hart for the World Wrestling Federation Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Bret gives Yoko a dropkick right at the start, but his go-behind doesn't work, and Yoko gives him a shoulderblock. Bret catapults himself in from the outside and punches away, before going to the 2nd rope and giving Yoko a nice elbowdrop. Bret clotheslines Yoko twice although he can't put him down, but a Yoko clothesline in response ends Bret's little rally. Yoko slams Bert and gives him a big legdrop, before going to his favorite hold, the nerve hold. Bret takes Yokozuna to the canvas from the 2nd rope after a missed Yoko charge, but Yoko gives Bret a thrust kick and goes back to the nerve hold. Another Yoko missed charge comes, and Bret gives Yoko a bulldog from the 2nd rope, for a 2 count. A 2nd rope elbow from Bret follows for 2, and a clothesline from the 2nd does good work as well. Bret clotheslines Yoko to the canvas, and on a 10 punch, he rips the turnbuckle pad off. Bret rams Yoko into the exposed buckle and gives him the SHARPSHOOTER, but...Mr. Fuji throws powder or salt into Bret's face. That puts Bret down for the three count, at 8:56. Boo on that.   Hulk Hogan runs down to the ring, which gives Mr. Fuji the gall to issue a challenge. If Hogan wants to face his Yokozuna, they can do it, RIGHT NOW. Bret tells Hogan to accept, so Hogan jumps in the ring. Fuji misses a salt toss and blinds Yokozuna on accident, so our new champion is in trouble. Clothesline, DROP THE FUCKIN' LEG, pinfall and Hogan's a 5 time WWF Champion. Crowd goes nuts and Hogan poses to end the show. Really, when thinking about it, that was the only way to send the crowd home happy. The match didn't have a whole lot of heat, and Bret didn't get a huge reaction when entering the ring, so, I'm for it, now.   Match Analysis: I'm only rating the Bret/Yoko match. Simply put, a * affair. Terrible idea for a finish, much like the entire rest of the show. That's sad. I'm glad Yoko got the belt back, as for some reason, I thought he was a worthy champion. ___________________   Rating: Terrible. Simply put, the worst show I've watched in years. The only moments where a face got the better of the heels were when the Steiners won, and when Hogan beat Yoko. I don't think that the Maniacs got the better of Money Inc., because the heels held onto their gold. Can you believe that they were going to do Kamala vs. Bam Bam Bigelow as well? That would've made the show even worse.   Best Segment: HBK vs. Tatanka. By a fair margin the best match, but no finish makes this one taste sour.   Worst Segment: Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzales. Doink vs. Crush is close, for the utter stupidity of the referee possibly having brain damage or whatever it was. ___________________   RAW and Nitro from 6/23/97 are next.
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Review: WWF WrestleMania VIII, from Indianapolis, Indiana, 4/5/1992.

One of my favorite shows...a must-watch. ___________________   The national anthem was performed by Reba McEntire. When I was a kid and watched this, my mom liked that. ___________________   El Matador vs. Shawn Michaels w/Sensational Sherri is the first match...   Blow-by-blow: Of course, El Matador is Tito Santana. Not like I had to tell you that. The version of Shawn's theme that Sherri sings is the best. Both push each other at the start of the bout, and Tito gives Shawn a crossbody for 2. They push again and Tito puts Shawn in a headlock, before clotheslining him over the top rope. Tito brings Shawn in with a headlock, but Shawn breaks the hold at the corner with a few shouldercharges. Tito misses a charge to the corner, but in a smart move, he fakes another charge, and takes Shawn down with a headlock right after. Another headlock takedown by Tito gets 2, as does an inside cradle. Shawn tosses Tito over the top on a charge attempt, and gives him a backbreaker for 2 when back inside the ring. To the chinlock we go, but when Tito makes a comeback attempt, Shawn superkicks him. Shawn goes for a side suplex, but Tito counters and gives Shawn the FLYING JALAPENO, to knock Shawn out of the ring. Tito rams Shawn into the steel steps, and on the inside, he gives him a kneelift. An inverted atomic drop follows, as does ANOTHER flying forearm, this time to the back of the head. Shawn bails and Tito tries to bring him in with a slam, but Shawn uses the top rope for initial leverage and picks up the pinfall victory at 10:38. After the match, after Shawn's posing, Bobby Heenan says, "there's the star of the 90's." No kiddin'.   Match Analysis: A good opener, by WrestleMania standards. You know, many other WrestleMania's have lesser openers than this, hence the "good" title. I'll give it **3/4. The WWF must've thought highly of this match, because they put Shawn up against Randy Savage on the UK-only PPV that occured soon after the event. ___________________   The LEGION OF DOOM come to a little interview set-up for (obviously) an interview, with Gene Okerlund. Paul Ellering's being introduced, they talk about destruction and other nonsense that I don't entirely comprehend. That's all.   Sean Mooney is with Jake Roberts in the back, for another interview. The past footage shown highlights when Jake shut the Undertaker's hand inside of a casket on Paul Bearer's "Funeral Parlor" interview segment. Jake hit him a few times with a chair, too. Anyway, this is a great promo. Like almost every other big match promo Jake gave. Jack Tunney said that the snake will not be allowed at ringside, so Jake will do this alone. ___________________   Jake Roberts vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer. A grudge match.   Blow-by-blow: These are two of my favorite characters, so I'm biased. I didn't realize how great Jake's new entrance music was until I watched this match. Roberts tries to avoid Taker's attacks, and he does, by clotheslining Taker over the top rope. Taker pulls Roberts to the outside, and rams him into the ringpost, before sending him back in. Taker chokes Roberts for a really LONG time, before giving him an elbowdrop. Taker follows it up with a flying clothesline, but Jake responds with the DDT. After taunting and a few cheers, Jake gives Taker a short clothesline. ANOTHER DDT follows, and Jake goes to the outside to chase Paul Bearer. Taker sits up and makes his way to the outside, where he gives Jake a TOMBSTONE, before rolling Jake back into the ring for the three count at 6:42.   Match Analysis: Taker squash to even further establish him as a main event player...otherwise, there's nothing to see here. Notable for the end of Jake's WWF run and that's it. *. ___________________   Time for copy & paste....but there's a promo with both men that I find to be one of the funniest I've seen. "Love the way your mama used to make them sammidges."   It's Bret Hart vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper for the Intercontinental Championship. I deleted all the other nonsense that I put in the title when I first posted this, I don't know what I was thinking.   Blow-by-blow: Thankfully, they show the pre-match promo. I'll review that when the whole event is posted. Bret's in his all pink attire, and I don't know who the referee is. Both men trade armdrags before Piper takes Bret down to the canvas. Piper has his arms locked around Bret, and Bret runs and ducks down so that Piper goes out under the top rope. Clever. Piper spits at Bret to establish that he'll be playing the heel tonight, then we have a test of strength. Piper chops Bret after they exchange armwringers, and he rams Bret into the turnbuckle. Piper chops him more, and Bret gets a running dropkick. Bret plays possum on the canvas, holding his shoulder, then rolls Piper up for a 2 count. I think that's the first time he did that in the WWF, I'm not sure though. Piper slaps him, and now IT'S ON. Bret crossbody's Piper to the floor (see what I said about Piper liking that spot) even though it took a while for both men to get to the floor, and Piper holds the ring ropes open so that Bret can come back in. What a guy. Piper makes the referee check Bret for weapons, and Piper slugs Bret in the face with his left hand as Bret's head is down, so obviously, Bret couldn't see him. Wink, wink. Bret blades off the punch (blading was a no-no at the time) and Piper rams his head into the buckle. Piper with a bulldog that gets two and a dropkick for 2, but Bret comes back with a sunset flip for 2. Piper with some lefts and rights for 2, then a Bret flying forearm puts Piper out of the ring. Piper comes back in and both men clothesline each other. Piper goes up to the top as Bret is playing possum AGAIN, and he drapes Piper's feet on the ropes, then rams his face into the canvas. Here comes the usual, Bret with a inverted atomic drop, suplex, russian leg sweep and backbreaker, but Piper blocks the SHARPSHOOTER. Bret goes up to the 2nd rope for his elbowdrop, but he eats Piper's boot on the way down. The two combatants trade punches from their knees (I was going to say "trade blows from their knees," but for some reason, I didn't. Hopefully you can make sense of it.) and Piper rams Bret into the referee. Piper clotheslines Bret out, then rams him into the steel steps. Piper grabs the ringbell, but thinks better of using it. Cause he's a good guy at heart, 'ya know? He tosses the bell out and puts Bret in a sleeper hold, but Bret kicks the turnbuckle pad in the corner, and the momentum puts Bret on top of Piper for the 3 count, and the win, at 13:50. I can't describe the finish any better than that, sorry. It was like Bret-Austin at Survivor Series 1996.   Match Analysis: I won't say too much, but this match is WAY underrated. I don't see what keeps this from being a great match, considering that most people don't put it in that category. It told a great story, and moreover, helped launch Bret on his push that culminated in him winning the WWF title later in the year. Would it have been the same had Bret beaten the Mountie (or insert mid-card heel here) at WM 8 to get the title back? No, of course it wouldn't have. ****1/4. One of my favorite matches. ___________________   Bobby Heenan introduces LEX LUGER, from the World Bodybuilding Federation. MWHAHAHAHAHA. Luger calls Gorilla Monsoon "fat," so Gorilla jumps out of his seat. That was funny. Then Luger drinks a glass of milk, because it does a body good. ___________________   The next match is an 8-man tag, as the Nasty Boys, the Repo Man and the Mountie are taking on Jim Duggan, Virgil, Sgt. Slaughter, and the BIG Bossman. Before the match, the heel side cuts one of the funniest promos I've ever seen. You must see it. Anyhow, Ray Combs of Family Feud fame does this little comedy bit on the heels, saying that he surveyed 100 people. They chased him out of the ring when he finished the speech up.   Blow-by-blow: Everyone brawls, and all the heels get clotheslined, before bailing to the outside. WAIT A SECOND, Bobby Heenan has a special announcement. SHAWN MICHAELS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING. Ok, now back to the action. Duggan and Sags start the match, and after a Duggan clothesline, Sgt. Slaughter tags in. Knobbs also tags in, and Slaughter gives him a chestbreaker. A back elbow follows, and Bossman tags in. Bossman misses a charge to the corner though, so Repo Man comes into the match. Bossman gives him a shoulderblock, but he misses a splash. Repo tries to jump on Bossman, but Bossman quickly turns over and punches him in the nuts. Ouch. Virgil tags in and gives Repo a dropkick, then a crossbody off the top rope for 2. The Mountie punches Virgil in the head so that Repo can gain control, and Repo does, with a back suplex. Now everyone brawls, Sarge hits Knobbs with a roll of tape, and Virgil pins Knobbs for the victory at 6:32. Match Analysis: Just one of those "get everyone on the show" tag matches. Nothing wrong with that. 1/2*. ___________________   Mr. Perfect and Ric Flair are with Sean Mooney, and they're also in possession of a photo of Miss Elizabeth. Who knows what's inside the envelope. They plan to unveil it on the big screen when Flair wins.   Randy Savage's door is shut for Gene Okerlund, he grants no interviews before this match. ___________________   And now, one part of the co-main event, this being Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair w/Mr. Perfect for the WWF Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Lots of bad blood here. Macho's wearing gold...foreshadowing, perhaps? Savage chases Flair around the ring, and attacks him in the aisle, before Perfect can pull Savage off of Flair. Flair gets Savage inside the ring, but Savage clotheslines Flair and knees him in the back. Savage goes up for a 10 punch, but Flair tries to bring him down with an inverted atomic drop, only to be clotheslined. Savage gives Flair a back elbow for 2, but on a charge at Flair, Flair backdrops Savage all the way to the floor. Yo. Savage's back hit the apron on the way down, so this looked a bit more rough than the other times that Savage took this move. Flair chops away and rams Savage into the apron before bringing Savage back in, where he gives Savage a suplex for 2. A Flair back suplex also gets a 2 count, as does a cover after a few chops. Flair gives Savage a kneedrop, then sends him outside, ramming him back-first into the ring apron. Then with Savage on the ring apron, he suplexes him in, for a 2 count. Savage finally comes back with a neckbreaker after a few punches, then Flair goes up to the top. Flair gets slammed down to the canvas, and then given a backdrop. 2 clotheslines follow as does a Flair flip, then Savage clotheslines Flair when Flair's on the apron, for a 2 count. Savage clotheslines Flair over the top, then goes all BOMBS AWAY down to the floor. Flair gets rammed to the steps as he's bleeding, and Savage gives Flair a suplex, on the floor. In we go, and Savage gives Flair a double axhandle for 2. Savage goes up again, and this time, he gives Flair the FLYING ELBOWDROP. Perfect pulls Savage out of the ring on the cover, so Savage chases Perfect. Perfect tosses an INTERNATIONAL object to Flair (had to wait long as possible to pull out that phrase), thusly, Flair hits Savage with it. The cover only gets 2. Perfect hits Savage in the back with a chair as the referee is distracted, which brings Elizabeth down to the ring. Flair begins to work on Savage's leg, with a kneebreaker and the FIGURE-FOUR LEGLOCK, as he uses Perfect for leverage. Savage reverses the hold as the referee spots the cheating, and when both stand up, Savage cradles Flair for 2. Flair tries to give Savage a kneebreaker, but Savage flips over and rolls up Flair while HOLDING THE TIGHTS for the THREE COUNT at 18:05. OMG, TWO TIME WWF CHAMPION MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE. Bobby Heenan says that he absolutely MUST leave the commentary position, and he does. Elizabeth came into the ring to celebrate, and now, Flair's making a move towards her. He kisses her, she slaps him. Savage enters the picture, and begins to beat the shit out of Flair, at least until officials intervene. Of course, Savage and Elizabeth celebrate, to end the show. OH WAIT, we've still got a whole lot more.   Match Analysis: Would've been the perfect moment to end a show on, amirite? Too bad it didn't. The things that knock this match down are the same things that knock Flair vs. Hogan at Bash '94 down, although to a lesser extent. Yeah, there is a ton of overbooking in this. Much of it is completely unnecessary. As for what is unnecessary, I don't really need to say, I'd rather have other people figure it out. The only part I believe isn't excess is Liz coming down to the ring. You can get there other ways than with Flair knocking Savage cold with a foreign object. Still, ****1/4. A damn good wrestling match, despite all of that. The overbooking wasn't what made the match great. ___________________   Sean Mooney is with Mr. Perfect, Bobby Heenan, and Ric Flair, cause Flair has a LOT to say. Flair says that Savage is going to be claiming many falsehoods now, and that's what they are, false. The crazed look in Flair's eyes is the best thing on this entire show. Just being honest.   Mean Gene is with Savage, and this isn't over at all. He wants Elizabeth to take the title and go, then he says he'll do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get a hold of Flair. I'm still pissed that we didn't get a proper blowoff to this feud. ___________________   Now, we look at a flashback from the WrestleMania VIII press conference, in which Hulk Hogan was named the #1 contender. Sid Justice really didn't like that, as he stated in an interview. At Saturday Night's Main Event #30, he showed his true colors. During a match which featured he and Hulk Hogan taking on Ric Flair and the Undertaker, Sid left the Hulkster in the ring, while he was being worked over by the heels. Brutus Beefcake tried to get all tough with Sid and make him stay, but when Sid reached back to punch Beefcake, Beefcake let him go. Remember, Beefcake had a messed up face, unfortunately, Sid didn't punch him. Then the WWF would've had reason to keep Beefcake off TV forever.   To be fair, Beefcake didn't stick around much longer, because Sid destroyed the Barber Shop on Wrestling Challenge. Sid had shaving cream all over his face while he wrecked the place. Ok, now enough of the professional sounding writing. Lastly, we get to see a video of Sid destroying a bunch of jobbers, Virgil among them. ___________________   Before this next match, Rick Martel cuts a promo, namely describing how "Indians" know nothing about fashion. Haha. Obviously, the next match is "The Model" Rick Martel vs. Tatanka.   Blow-by-blow: Prior to the bout, some Native Americans were doing this little performance in the ring. Surely to keep the fans in the arena awake, because it was a long time between the end of the Savage match and the start of this one. The Model is one of my favorite gimmicks, like, ever. Does that make me a homosexual? Tatanka hiptosses Martel to start the match, then slams him twice, causing Martel to bail out. Martel comes back in and rams Tatanka into the warrior, but Tatanka returns the favor. Martel misses a charge to the corner, but he comes right back with a chokeslam. Martel tosses Tatanka over the top and brings him right back in for some reason, giving Tatanka a backbreaker inside of the ring. Tatanka gives Martel a backdrop as his comeback is being made, and then a tomahawk chop. Martel responds with a scoop slam and clothesline, but Tatanka gives Martel a crossbody for 3 at 4:31.   Match Analysis: Just like the 8-man tag. A match to fill out the card. Better than the other, though. *1/4. ___________________   Sean Mooney is with Money Inc., and seeing as IRS knows it's tax time, they have a lot of collecting to do, from the Natural Disasters. The Disasters are with Mean Gene, and they blabber a whole bunch of nonsense. Why were these two babyfaces, again? ___________________ The next contest is, of course, the NATURAL DISASTERS vs. Money Inc. w/Jimmy Hart for the WWF Tag Team Championships.   Blow-by-blow: Earthquake and IRS look like they're about to start the match, but really, they can't decide who's going to start. DiBiase comes into the match, but Earthquake tosses him into the buckle, then clotheslines DiBiase's partner to follow. Earthquake works on IRS and Typhoon comes in, giving IRS a hipblock. Typhoon steps on IRS' tie, and then rams him into the buckle multiple times, before missing a charge to the corner. DiBiase comes in and chops away, but Typhoon comes back with a headbutt. Typhoon misses a charge at DiBiase and goes over the top to the outside, where IRS rams him into the steps. Inside, and IRS gives Typhoon an elbowdrop for 2. Follow that up with a double back elbow, and a DiBiase axhandle off the 2nd rope for 2. Then there's a double collision, and Earthquake tags in, along with IRS. Earthquake gives him a clothesline and a scoop slam, before SHAKING THE FOUNDATIONS OF THIS VERY RING. Hart and DiBiase then pull IRS out, and leave, getting counted out at 8:37. Match Analysis: Well, that sucked. BUT, it wasn't the worst tag title match at Mania. That's on the next show. 3/4* for a general waste of time. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Brutus the Barber...uh, why? Brutus talks about HULKAMANIA, but I'm not listening. ___________________   Owen Hart vs. Skinner is our before the main event filler...   Blow-by-blow: Right from the get-go, Skinner spits some chewing tobacco on Owen. GROSS. Skinner gives Owen a shoulerbreaker, and a reverse DDT for a 2 count. Skinner tosses Owen over the top, Owen skins the cat to come back in, and rolls Skinner up for 3 at 1:10.   Match Analysis: Uh, good while it lasted? *. ___________________   Now, the big hype for the big match.   Harvey Wippleman and Sid are with Mean Gene, talking about how he's the master, and how Sid rules the world. He says it's Hogan's last match. We see a video of Vince McMahon thanking Hogan for what he's given to the WWF, and that Hogan doesn't know whether or not this is his last match. Then we cut back to Sid, and Sid says he doesn't really care what Hogan had to say, cause he RULES THE WORLD. ___________________   Of course, the main event is NOW, and that's Sid Justice w/Harvey Wippleman vs. Hulk Hogan.   Blow-by-blow: Harvey's at the ring to introduce Sid, during which Gorilla Monsoon says that he calls Sid, "Psycho Sid." Ha. Sid attacks Hogan at the beginning of the bout, but in response Hogan knocks Sid out of the ring and keeps him out. A big clothesline follows, so Hogan tears his shirt. Crowd is going batshit at the moment, so the two wrestlers stare down. Sid gives Hogan a knee and a rake of the face, but Hogan responds with a few rights that knock Sid out of the ring. Now we go to a LONG TEST OF STRENGTH, that Sid wins when he knees Hogan. Sid gives Hogan a big chokeslam (to a positive reaction), and he cuts a promo during the middle of the match. MWAHAHAHA. Sid punches Hogan in the kidney, then hits him with Harvey's doctor bag on the outside, twice, before sending Hogan in for the NERVE HOLD. Super, super long on that, but Sid ends Hogan's little rally with a sidewalk slam. Sid gives Hogan the POWERBOMB, and of course, it only gets 2. HULK-UP, big boot, SLAM, DROP THE FUCKIN' LEG, but Hogan only gets a 2 count. As we all know, Papa Shango was supposed to run into the ring. He did not. Not only did he not, he wasn't even close to getting there in time. Harvey runs into the match to get Hogan DQ'd at 12:26, so Hogan tosses Harvey onto Sid. Sid stands there like an idiot waiting for Shango, and when Shango finally gets there, he and Sid attack Hogan. The ULTIMATE WARRIOR'S music hits, and then the place really goes nuts. Bobby Heenan does too, and now, the Warrior cleans house. A chairshot from Sid does absolutely nothing, so he bails out. Now Warrior and Hogan pose to end the show.   Match Analysis: See, now that I've watched it again, I can understand why people said that Kerry Von Erich was the Ultimate Warrior. No lie when I say that I could not tell the difference during that run-in. Match was absolutely terrible. 1/2*. The Warrior run-in is something I watch multiple times whenever I watch the show. Can't help it, mostly because I love to hear Heenan's reaction. ___________________ Rating: Great. Two ****+ matches equals great. Not the best WrestleMania up to that point, but close.   Best Segment: Uh, I prefer Bret vs. Piper to the rest. Maybe I'm alone on that.   Worst Segment: I have to pick something...the 8-man tag wasn't the worst, because of Ray Combs' funny little comedy routine. LOD's promo was. ___________________   WrestleMania IX review will be up sometime. With the NCAA tournament occuring, who knows when.
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Review: Saturday Night's Main Event #5, from Phoenix, Arizona, 3/1/86.

There's a whole bunch of stuff here. Hogan vs. Muraco, The British Bulldogs vs. the Dream Team...you really must watch this. There's one other thing, too, but we'll keep that a surprise. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Mr. T during his training for his boxing match later, he's ready to go to war. The intro to this show is great as always. As for the match Mr. T was talking about, Hulk Hogan set it up on Piper's Pit.   First, Mean Gene is with Bob Orton and Roddy Piper, who rag on Mr. T, as per usual.   Then Gene is with Mr. T, who doesn't care about Roddy Piper at all. ___________________   At this point, I think it's obvious what the next match is going to be. It's Mr. T vs. Boxing Bob Orton in a 10 round boxing match.   Blow-by-blow: If you think I'm going to review this seriously, I'm not. Mr. T using "Eye of the Tiger" as his entrance music was a nice touch. At the beginning, this looks better than the match this was used as set up for. Jesse Ventura says something about how Vince's ancestry (Irish) doesn't mean he knows everything about boxing. I laughed. Orton thumbed T in the eye, so there was a little break. When the bell to end the first round rang, Orton sucker punched Mr. T. Near the beginning of Round 2, Orton kneed T and worked on him with the referee distracted, but T punched Orton, knocking him over the top rope. That also gets the KO victory at about a minute into round #2. After the bout, Orton attacks Mr. T from behind, and Piper whips him with a belt. Jesse says this is Roots 2...nobody would ever get away with saying that now. They'd be lynched.   Match Analysis: Better than the boxing match that took place at WrestleMania 2, but it still wasn't very good. Out of kindness, DUD.   After the match, Gene Okerlund's with Mr. T, who wants Piper, ASAP. ___________________   Mean Gene is with King Kong Bundy and Bobby Heenan, who say that Bundy wants Hogan. They have a little plan cooked up, as well.   King Kong Bundy has a match though, he's facing Steve Gatorwolf.   Bundy takes him to the buckle, and after a few chops, gives him the AVALANCHE for the 5 count at 41 seconds. You know, because Bundy has to get a 5 count. Afterward, he takes the microphone from Howard Finkel, and says that he wants Hogan. NOW. 1/2*. ___________________   Mean Gene is with the Magnificent Muraco, and seeing as Mr. Fuji is sick...Bobby Heenan's going to be his manager tonight. The shot clips to a sick Fuji, and honestly, if I would've had something in my mouth, I would've done a spit-take. That was hilarious.   Mean Gene's with Hulk Hogan, who's ready, BROTHER. All my Hulkamaniacs, BROTHER. ___________________   So yeah, the Magnificent Muraco w/Bobby Heenan is facing Hulk Hogan for the WWF Title.   Blow-by-blow: This is the debut of Real American as Hogan's theme music. Cool. Muraco gives Hogan a shot to the gut, and rams him into the buckle. Muraco follows it up with a backrake, but Hogan backdrops him. Hogan stomps away and clotheslines Muraco, before giving him an atomic drop. He rams him into the ringpost, and sends him back into the ring. They slug it out, and the sequence ends with a big Hogan right hand for 2. Hogan gives Muraco a bearhug, but a Muraco headbutt breaks the hold. Muraco gives Hogan a legdrop and kneedrop for 2, and that is followed up with an Asian spike. Muraco headbutts Hogan down low...way down low, and gives him a russian leg sweep. Muraco comes off the 2nd rope with an Asian spike for 2, and now...it's time for the HULK-UP LITTLE DUDES. 3 punch, back elbow, boot, DROP THE FUCKIN' LEG, but Heenan runs in to get Muraco DQ'd at 6:53. Hogan has Heenan in a chokehold, but KING KONG BUNDY comes down to the ring, to attack Hogan. He gives Hogan three AVALANCHES in the corner, and two big splashes, before leaving. Hogan does a stretcher job and an ambulance ride...Gene Okerlund will be following him.   Match Analysis: It was ok, but not nearly the best match these two have had. Obviously that was because it was used as a vehicle to set up the possibility of a Bundy/Hogan match at WrestleMania. *3/4. ___________________   Before this match, Okerlund interviewed the Dream Team. Their non-title loss to the challengers on Championship Wrestling which aired on 2/1/86 meant nothing, they say.   You know who the challengers are? The British Bulldogs. Yeah, they're facing the Dream Team for the WWF Tag Titles.   Blow-by-blow: The Dream Team enter to "We Are the Champions." On most other shows, this would be the funniest thing on the night. But it wasn't on a different show, and it wasn't better than the clip of a sick Mr. Fuji. Valentine and Davey start, and Davey gives him an atomic drop. Dynamite headbutts Valentine from the apron, which Smith tries to capitalize on, only getting a 2 count though. Davey suplexes Valentine in for a 2 count, and then tags in Dynamite, who along with Davey gives Valentine a double clothesline. Dynamite headbutts Valentine for 2, but Beefcake is able to tag in. Dynamite knees him and rams him to the buckle, before Davey tags in. He works on the arm, and gives him a back elbow...which inadvertently allows Valentine to tag in. Davey press slams him for a 2 count, and after a tag to Dynamite, follows it up with a double headbutt. Dynamite gives the Hammer a kneedrop, and a back suplex. A falling headbutt comes soon after for 2, and a kneedrop from the 2nd rope does as well. Davey comes in and trades blows with Valentine, but Davey gets the best after a dropkick. Davey cradles Valentine for a 2 count, and tags in Dynamite. Valentine gives Dynamite an inverted atomic drop, and tags in Beefcake, but the managers are ARGUING ON THE OUTSIDE. We go to a   commercial break   and we're back, with Dynamite and Beefcake in the ring. Davey tags in, and gives Beefcake a missile dropkick. A big splash gets a 2 count, but Beefcake takes enough control to tag in Valentine. Valentine applies the FIGURE-FOUR leglock, but Dynamite quickly comes in and legdrops Valentine to break the hold. Dynamite tags in now and headbutts away, but Valentine elbows him and elbowdrops him from the 2nd rope for 2. A Valentine shoulderbreaker gets a 2 count, and he rams Dynamite into Beefcake's foot, before making the tag. Beefcake takes Dynamite to the canvas and kicks him for 2, before bringing Valentine back in. He forearms Dynamite for 2 and goes to apply the FIGURE-FOUR, but Dynamite kicks him away. Valentine goes to the top rope, but Dynamite slams him off and goes up, nailing Valentine with a missile dropkick for 2. Dynamite clotheslines Valentine for 2, and suplexes him for a 2 count. A shmoz ensues, but it ends when Valentine gives Dynamite a shoulderblock and falls on top of him for the pinfall at about 12 minutes or so.   Match Analysis: What a match. ****. Perfectly placed, with a well-done surprise ending. Saw the finish line coming, but didn't see how they'd get there. ___________________   Mean Gene's at the hospital, and he'll relay information on Hulk Hogan whenever possible. After, we have the premiere of the REAL AMERICAN video.     Felt like I should share that. It's great. ___________________   The last match on the card is Adrian Adonis w/Jimmy Hart vs. the Junkyard Dog, but first, Adrian Adonis is with Gene Okerlund. To say he acted gay is an understatement and a half.   Blow-by-blow: JYD's "Another One Bites the Dust" music is great. Honestly, if you haven't seen this stage of Adonis' gimmick, let's just say that he acts way more gay here than at the end of it. Adrian flames his way around the ring, so JYD beels him across the ring. JYD headbutts Adonis and sends him over the top, but Adonis is tied in the ropes, facing JYD. So JYD nails him a few times, and slingshots him in from the apron. JYD clotheslines Adonis which is accompanied by a 360 sell for 2, and in response, Adonis punches away. Like a sissy. JYD sends him to the buckle, upside down and over the top. JYD headbutts Jimmy Hart and imitates Adonis, then brings both of them into the ring. He throws Hart into Adonis, which knocks both men over the top rope. Adonis comes in and JYD misses a headbutt, so Jimmy Hart ties him onto the bottom rope with some of Adonis' entrance attire. Adonis chokes away on the JYD, until the referee pulls him off. Adonis gives JYD a fistdrop for 2, and goes for a piledriver. In mid-move JYD accidentally kicks the referee, so Adonis tries to grab Jimmy Hart's megaphone, to cheat. JYD takes the megaphone and rams it into Adonis, which gives him the pinfall victory at sometime between 8 and 9 minutes. After the bout, Adonis clocks JYD upside the head with the megaphone.   Match Analysis: This featured a lot of great spots, but that's all it was. Very little wrestling, so it'll get a *1/2 rating. All that said, it was a lot of fun. ___________________   Mean Gene's at the hospital with a report on Hulk Hogan, the physician says that Hulk's neck, ribs, and back are messed up. Recap of the show follows, and that's it. ___________________   Rating: Good. Has to be, with that great tag title match.   Best Segment: The British Bulldogs vs. the Dream Team/ Mr. Fuji being sick.   Worst Segment: Uh, the boxing match. Cannot stand. ___________________   WrestleMania 2 review will be up next.
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Review: WWF WrestleMania 2, from Chicago, Illinois; Long Island, NY; and Los Angeles, CA, 4/7/1986.

This isn't the best show as you all know, but like all others, it's going to be reviewed. ___________________   Gene Okerlund (now) introduces the show...and from New York, it's Vince McMahon and Susan St. James. America the Beautiful is sung by Ray Charles, and you can't say anything bad about that. Mean Gene says some things from Chicago, and before our first match, Roddy Piper has something to say about his boxing match against Mr. T. Nothing of note is said. ___________________   The first match on the card is Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco w/Mr. Fuji.   Blow-by-blow: These two have attributes which Vince loves. Big, and roided. Thus, they start the show off. Both say things via soundbyte at the beginning of the match, and here we go. Muraco and Orndorff slam each other, and after Orndorff's slam, he makes fun of Fuji's race. Cold. Muraco knees Orndorff and elbows him, but Orndorff whips Muraco into the buckle and backdrops him. An armdrag and drop toe-hold follow, as does an armbar. A Muraco armdrag doesn't break Orndorff's armbar, but a samoan drop does. They trade punches, and Orndorff gives Muraco an elbow. Both brawl to the outside, and we have a double countout at 4:33. Big "bullshit" chant follows, and yeah, those fans certainly have the right. This isn't a TV taping.   Match Analysis: Yeah, that was a terrible finish. Was going well until that point...*1/4.   Mr. T says that his fists are going to do the talking tonight, and now... ___________________   Here's George Steele vs. Macho Man Randy Savage w/Elizabeth for the Intercontinental Championship. But first, Randy Savage cuts a promo.   Blow-by-blow: To start, we have the typical beginning of match Steele nonsense. He chases Savage around the ring, and when back inside, he gives Savage a choketoss. He's infatuated with Liz, so Savage is able to take control. He gives Steele a crossbody off the top for a 2 count, so Steele dumps him to the outside. Macho sneaks in from the other side of the ring and attacks, but Steele bites him. Savage goes outside to grab some flowers, and after hitting Steele with them, Steele gets them and shoves them in Savage's face. Steele comes a little too close to Liz outside the ring, so Savage comes off the top with BOMBS AWAY. On the inside, he slams Steele and goes up to the top, coming off with the FLYING ELBOW. It only gets a 2 count (WTF?), so after a Steele missed charge, Savage covers him with his feet on the ropes for 3 at 7:08.   Match Analysis: Awful. Awful. Awful. On the basis of strictly wrestling, there were, uh, 6 wrestling moves, counting the rollup w/feet on ropes. Ain't good enough, and certainly worth negatives. -**. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Bill Fralic and Big John Studd in Chicago to talk about the battle royal, and of course, the two disagree on a few things. Back to New York we go... ___________________   For George Wells vs. Jake "the Snake" Roberts.   Blow-by-blow: Wells attacks Roberts to start the match, and backdrops him. Roberts tosses Wells out and fights him on the outside, until Wells tosses him back in. Wells shoulderblocks Roberts and headbutts him, then he whips him into the buckle. Wells gives him a flying headscissors, and a scoop slam. Wells gives Roberts a kneelift and powerslam, which gets a 2 count. Roberts bails to the outside, and when he comes back in, he gives Wells a kneelift. That's followed up by the DDT, for the 3 count at 3:07. Roberts takes Damien out of the bag, and puts him all over Wells. Gross.   Match Analysis: Simple Roberts squash. Nothing wrong there. *3/4. ___________________   There's some taped footage from the Mr. T/Roddy Piper feud, mostly featuring stuff that was in my last review.   Hulk Hogan's with Jesse Ventura in Los Angeles...yes, I marked to see Ventura interviewing Hogan. Hogan doesn't care about Jesse, BROTHER, only Bundy, BROTHER. ___________________   Howard Finkel is with a few celebrities, and with the use of wikipedia, I can tell you what all are famous for. Joan Rivers (obvious, don't need to say), is the guest ring announcer. The guest judges for this boxing match are Darryl Dawkins (basketball player), Cab Calloway (jazz singer), and G. Gordon Liddy (mastermind of first break-in during Watergate). The timekeeper is Herb (famous for some Burger King commercials). He's a nerd, you know.   Yeah, the match is Mr. T vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper in a boxing match. The wrestlers have Joe Frazier and Lou Duva in their corners, respectively. I'm going to save a ton of words, and use the fast-forward button. As we all know, Piper slams Mr. T with the referee down and gets disqualified. We can call this -*****. It's one of the worst matches I've ever seen. There's a postmatch brawl, and thankfully, this ends the worst portion of the show. ___________________   To Chicago we go, with Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund and Cathy Lee Crosby.   The first match on that portion of the card is Velvet McIntyre vs. Fabulous Moolah for the Ladies Title.   Blow-by-blow: Moolah snapmares McIntyre while pulling her hair, and clotheslines McIntyre as well. McIntyre comes back with two dropkicks and a back elbow, before a scoop slam. McIntyre goes up to the 2nd rope, but she misses a splash and Moolah pins her for 3 at the 58 second mark.   Match Analysis: *, standard fare, and too short to knock off or add to anyway. ___________________   The next bout was Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff w/Classy Freddie Blassie.   Blow-by-blow: Volkoff sings the Russian National Anthem, which I love. Unfortunately, he doesn't get pelted with trash. Kirchner's dubbed music is comical. Enough of that though, as Volkoff starts the bout with a spin kick. Volkoff tosses Kirchner out and bites him, before ramming him into the ringpost. Kirchner bleeds and they go back in the ring, where Kirchner makes his comeback. Kirchner pushes the referee, then grabs Blassie's cane and hits Volkoff with it. That gets the pinfall at 1:35.   Match Analysis: Sucked. Too short. 1/2*. ___________________   For the battle royal, I'll pull something out of an old file. I've reviewed it before.   From WrestleMania 2 in Chicago, we have a battle royal, and the participants are Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, Ted Arcidi, King Tonga, Hillbilly Jim, Big John Studd, Tony Atlas, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Danny Spivey, Pedro Morales, BRUNO Sammartino, the Iron Sheik, Jimbo Covert, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, Ernie Holmes, Harvey Martin, THE FRIDGE, and Andre the Giant.   This one really is impossible to review, unlike the one at the MSG show I reviewed a couple weeks ago (actually, it's been months, now). The total combined weight of the wrestlers involved...5,612 pounds. Yo. Order of elimination goes like this...Tonga, Covert, Holmes, Brunzell, Atlas, Morales, Martin, Arcidi (at this point, I notice that Fridge is wearing a thong. Gross.), Spivey, Blair and Hillbilly, Fralic, Sheik, Bruno, and then, it gets easier to review. Studd dumps Fridge, but Fridge pulls Studd out after a handshake. Bret, Francis, Neidhart and Andre are left, and a double dropkick by the Hart Foundation ties Andre up in the ropes, and then, Francis gets eliminated. Andre gives Bret a big boot, then rams the Harts heads into each other. Neidhart gets dumped, and then Andre press slams Bret to the floor, where he lands on Neidhart. Andre wins the battle royal, which was a given. 7/10, the uniqueness of having football players involved made it worth watching.   (P.S. I changed the rating to 7/10. Wasn't really as great as I first thought.) ___________________   The main event from Chicago is the British Bulldogs w/Captain Lou Albano and Ozzy Osbourne vs. The Dream Team w/Johnny V for the WWF Tag Titles. There is another referee on the outside, so no cheating.   Blow-by-blow: Davey and Valentine starts, with an elbow from Valentine. Valentine misses an elbowdrop, but he hiptosses Davey. Valentine misses a forearm, so Dynamite tags in. He rams Valentine into the buckle for a 2 count, and gives him a snap suplex. After an elbowdrop, Davey tags back in and gives Valentine a delayed vertical suplex, for a 2 count. Davey rams Valentine into the buckle, but Valentine comes back with an elbow and a headbutt below the belt, to put it kindly. Beefcake tags in and tries to work on Davey's arm, but Davey gives him a gorilla press slam. Dynamite tags in, and chops Beefcake for a 2 count. He cradles Beefcake for 2, and Davey tags in. Davey gives Beefcake a fisherman's suplex for 2, and then Valentine tags in. He comes off the top with a big chop, and gives Davey a suplex for 2. Valentine goes to a short chinlock, but Dynamite tags in and shouldercharges into Valentine for a 2 count. A double shoulderblock gets 2, as Beefcake breaks up the cover. Dynamite sunset-flips Valentine for 2, and gives him a backbreaker for 2. A kneedrop follows for 2, but Valentine comes back with a piledriver for 2. Gorilla Monsoon says that Ozzy is shaking at ringside...go figure. *Insert joke here* Valentine goes to the top, but Dynamite slams him off. The cover only gets one as they brawl, and Dynamite slams Valentine. Smith tries to gorilla press Dynamite onto Valentine, but Valentine gets out of the way. He clocks Dynamite from behind, but Davey tags in and gives Valentine the running powerslam for a 2 count. Davey suplexes Valentine for 2, but Valentine gains control when he rams Davey shoulder-first into the ringpost. Beefcake tags in and gives Davey a hammerlock, then he drops him on his head after raising him into the air. He rams Davey to the buckle, and tags in Valentine, who gives Davey a shoulderbreaker for 2. He pulls Davey up, but as Dynamite is perched on the top turnbuckle, Davey rams Valentine's head into Dynamite's, which gets the pinfall at 12:01. To say Dynamite took a huge bump down to the floor is an understatement. After the match, Davey, Ozzy and Lou Albano say a few things, basically how glad the Bulldogs are that they're champions, and that they'll stay around in the US to defend them.   Match Analysis: The one constant in all these good Dream Team matches is that Beefcake doesn't come in the match very much. I don't recall whether or not I said that before. I didn't think it was as good as the match from Saturday Night's Main Event. I would've given it ***1/2, but Dynamite's huge bump takes that up a notch. We're talking Mick Foley levels of bumpage there. ***3/4. ___________________   To Los Angeles we go, where Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira are on commentary.   The first match from LA is Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez.   Blow-by-blow: Lee Marshall is the ring announcer. That's weird. Hercules attacks at the start, and rams Steamboat into the buckle. Steamboat comes back with a few armdrags, and holds onto Hercules with an armbar. Steamboat gives Hercules another armdrag, and a few elbowdrops to boot. Steamboat gives Hercules a back elbow and suplex, but Hercules gains control after ramming Steamboat into the turnbuckle. Hercules gives Steamboat a BIG clothesline, and drops him throat-first on the top rope. Steamboat tries a slam, but Hercules falls on top of him for 2. Hercules gives Steamboat two elbowdrops, and then poses, before a cover that gets 2. Hercules clotheslines Steamboat for 2, and gives him two gorilla press slams, before going to the top. Hercules dives off and onto Steamboat's knees, so Steamboat goes up top and gives him a crossbody for the victory at 7:31.   Match Analysis: Pretty good stuff. This should've been the match to open the show in New York. **1/2. ___________________   Uncle Elmer (ugh) vs. Adrian Adonis w/Jimmy Hart is the next bout...   Blow-by-blow: At the start, the crowd chants "faggot" towards Adonis. I larfed. Adonis is wearing a dress, at least until Elmer tears it off. Adonis hugs Jimmy Hart after being chased, and back inside, Elmer attacks him. He tosses Adonis towards the buckle, and Adonis goes upside-down, over and out. Back in, and an Elmer right puts Adonis out. Now Elmer tears off Adonis' dress, and he slingshots Adonis into the ring. Adonis gets tied in the ropes and beaten up, at least until he's untied. He comes back in and Elmer gives him an AVALANCHE, but he misses a big legdrop. Adrian goes to the top and gives Elmer a big splash, which gets the victory at 3:01.   Match Analysis: Haven't seen anything better from Elmer, but this was all Adonis anyway. Elmer just stood there and punched once in a while. *1/2. ___________________   Lord Alfred Hayes is with Hulk Hogan, well you know somethin' AWFUL ALFRED, BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER I'M GONNA WHIP BUNDY BROTHER. ___________________   The next matchup is a good one, which has the Funk Brothers w/Jimmy Hart taking on the Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana.   Blow-by-blow: I'm not going to call Dory Funk "Hoss Funk." We'll just call him Dory. Terry throws a chair into the ring, but Dory and JYD are going to start the match. They lock-up, and Terry falls into the ring while trying to grab JYD, so JYD slams them both. The Funks bail, and when getting back in, it's Santana taking on Terry. Terry chops away, until Santana clotheslines him over the top rope. Santana dropkicks Dory a few times, until Terry gets back into the ring. JYD tags in, and rams Terry into the buckle a whole bunch. JYD headbutts Terry for a 2 count, and tosses him over the top rope after the cover. Dory and Santana come in, and Santana gives Dory the FLYING JALAPENO for 2. Santana and Dory do a criss-cross, at least until Terry knees Santana in the back. Terry tosses Tito out so Jimmy Hart can kick him, but eventually, JYD stops that. He chases Hart away and puts Santana back in the ring, where Terry suplexes him for a 2 count. The referee pushes Terry when Terry gets a little rude, and we have a double collision. Dory comes in and gives Santana a double underhook suplex for 2, and Terry tags back in. A double clothesline and legdrop follows, for a 2 count. Terry misses a second legdrop, which allows JYD to tag in. He cleans house, until Terry chokes him with the tag rope. JYD backdrops Terry to the floor (GIANT BUMP), and then he slams him through a table. WHOA. JYD clocks Hart, as Santana puts the FIGURE-FOUR LEGLOCK on Dory, but Terry wallops JYD upside his head with the megaphone. Obviously, that allows him to get the pinfall, and the time was 11:43.   Match Analysis: Hell yes. That was fun. On most other shows, this is the best tag match. On most, but on this one, no. Still great. ***1/4. ___________________   Before the main event, there's a Bundy/Hogan feud recap. Hogan's lifting weights and talking to MEAN GENE, but afterward, we have another promo....   It's King Kong Bundy and Bobby Heenan, who are talking to Jesse Ventura. Routine "I am the next WWF Champ" stuff. ___________________   Yeah, the last match on the card is King Kong Bundy w/Bobby Heenan vs. Hulk Hogan in a STEEL CAGE match for the WWF Championship. Tommy Lasorda is your ring announcer, and who cares about the rest.   Blow-by-blow: Hogan attacks and chokes King Kong Bundy with the strap on his ring attire, before ramming Bundy into the cage. Hogan clotheslines Bundy and hits him with a running elbow, so Bundy goes to Hogan's injured ribs. Bundy slams Hogan and puts his boot in his face, before going for the cage door. He can't make it out, so instead, he slams Hogan into the cage. Back to the door he goes, but he can't make it out. Bundy un-tapes Hogan's ribs, and chokes him with the tape. Bundy ties Hogan in the ropes with the tape, but he can't make it out the door, as Hogan pulls him back in. Hogan takes Bundy to the buckle and gives him a back elbow, then he rams Bundy into the cage. Bundy bleeds as Heenan covers up his forehead, and Hogan punches away. Hogan rakes Bundy's back, before ramming him into the cage two more times. He tries to slam Bundy, but Bundy falls on top of him. The door's open, but Bundy can't make it over. Hogan tries to choke him with the tape, but Bundy gives him an eye gouge. He takes Hogan to the corner, and gives him the AVALANCHE. A BIG SPLASH and another AVALANCHE follows, and now, time to HULK UP BROTHER. Powerslam, DROP THE FUCKIN' LEG, over the top of the cage and out, after knocking Bundy back down to the canvas, at 10:17. Heenan's stuck inside the cage, then Hogan comes in and tosses him into the cage. End of show, with Hogan posing.   Match Analysis: A standard cage match to be sure, but for some reason, I enjoy this even more the more often I see it. **1/4. Sloppy bladejob from Bundy takes it down a bit. ___________________   Rating: Bad. I have to change my standards for terrible. We'll make it 2 negative star matches and nothing at or over ***. If there are 3 negative star matches, we'll say nothing at or over ***1/2 gets a terrible rating. Anyway, this is probably the 3rd worst WrestleMania. I think 9 and 15 are the only ones which are worse.   Best Segment: The British Bulldogs vs. The Dream Team.   Worst Segment: The "boxing" match. ___________________   RAW and Nitro from 6/16/97 will be up next.
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Review: WWF WrestleMania X8, from Toronto, Ontario, 3/17/2002.

While I don't like this show, seeing as WrestleMania VIII is up, I gotta get this out of the way. ___________________ Opening video and all that, but to start the show off, the first match on the card is Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal for the Intercontinental Championship.   Blow-by-blow: RVD attacks to start, and clotheslines Regal. A standing moonsault follows, but RVD misses a charge to the corner soon after. Regal looks for brass knuckles in his tights, but RVD kicks them out of his hand. He dropkicks Regal and goes for the FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH, but RVD misses. Regal knees RVD in the face for a 2 count, but RVD follows with a crossbody for 2. Regal gives RVD a drop-toe hold, and a suplex for 2 count. A neckbreaker follows for 2, and then, Regal applies a cross armed choke. He likes that move. Regal's bleeding from the mouth, and RVD misses ROLLING THUNDER when given the chance to hit it. Regal gives RVD a double-underhook powerbomb for 2, but RVD rolls him up afterward, only getting 2. RVD gives Regal a dropkick and a monkeyflip, but he misses a charge to the corner. Regal drops RVD on his head with a half-nelson suplex, and goes for the brass knuckles. RVD kicks Regal so he can't hit RVD with the knuckles, and finishes the bout via pinfall after a FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH at 6:20. New Intercontinental Champion and all that.   Match Analysis: Eh, what do you say. It was a good opener. It was also too short, and strange given both wrestlers style. **1/4. ___________________   Christian cuts a promo next, and we see a clip from RAW, when he beat Billy Gunn. He heels on this second class city that the show's in (being Toronto), and smiles for the camera. What a fellow. ___________________   Christian vs. DDP is our European Championship match...   Blow-by-blow: Christian's music is top-20 of all time. Yeah, I said it. DDP's coming full-circle. If you don't know the story, he drove Rhythm & Blues to the ring in a pink Cadillac at WrestleMania VI. In Toronto. Anyhow, Christian tries to surprise Page, but Page recovers and gives Christian a gutwrench chestbreaker. Yeah, I just said that. He clotheslines Christian ove rthe top and rams him into the retaining wall twice, before bringing Christian back in. Page goes for a 10 punch at the corner, but Christian lowblows him. Ouch. He drops Page along the top rope, and knocks him down all the way to the floor on a charge. Inside, DDP trips Christian and tries to ram him nut-first into the ringpost, but Christian pulls DDP into the post. Christian gives DDP an abdominal stretch, and follows it up with a reverse DDT-backbreaker type thing for 2. Christian goes up to the top, but DDP slams him off, all the way down to the canvas. That's followed up by a spinning sitout-powerbomb for 2. Christian tries for the UNPRETTIER, but instead, he rams DDP into the buckle and gives him a reverse DDT. Then there's a little reversal sequence, which ends with the DIAMOND CUTTER. Obviously, that ends the match, and Page retains his title via pinfall at 6:09. After the match, DDP grabs a microphone and talks a bit, which causes Christian to throw a temper tantrum.   Match Analysis: Would've been really good if it was longer than 6 minutes. But it wasn't, so it was just good. Same rating as the last, that being **1/4. DDP still had the ability to have a good/great match. ___________________   Here's what happened next.   http://youtube.com/watch?v=u1TC8TgrFRI   I put these great promos in, because honestly, I can't sum them up well enough for people to read it. It's just better to post them.   I noticed that you can't embed videos anymore. What the hell is this nonsense? ___________________   Goldust vs. Maven for the HARDCORE Title is our next match...   Blow-by-blow: Goldie has those gold weaponz!11!1! Goludst attacks to start, and beels Maven into the retaining wall at ringside. That looked like it hurt. Goldust gets on the apron after placing Maven on the wall, and he dives out onto him. Goldust then hits Maven with a cookie sheet, and inside, he slingshots him into a trash can. Well, he kinda missed the can, so Maven quickly gets up and dropkicks the can into Goldust's face. Maven cradles him for 2, but Goldust comes back with a neckbreaker for 2. Goldust gives Maven a front suplex, and kicks the handle of a GOLD SHOVEL into Maven's throat. Goldust places a garbage can in the corner, and rams Maven into it for a 2 count. Goldust grabs a garbage lid, but Maven has one too, and they hit each other with them. SPIKE DUDLEY runs down to the ring, and he pins Maven to win the Hardcore Title at 3:17. Haha. Crash Holly chases Spike out of the building, and both Maven and Goldust give chase as well.   Match Analysis: 1/2*. But I love the 24/7 rule. ___________________   Next is a shitty performance by Drowning Pool...honestly, I fast-forwarded.   In the back, Crash Holly rams Spike Dudley into a wall, getting a 2 count. Al Snow's driving a golf cart, and he runs over a ton of boxes on accident, instead of hitting Spike. Spike turns to leave, but Hurricane FLIES into the picture and hits Spike, before covering him to win the Hardcore Title. 24/7 rules, son. HAHA. Bring back the Hardcore Title! ___________________ Kurt Angle takes on Kane, but first, Kurt Angle cuts a promo on Canada. Like you didn't see that coming.   Blow-by-blow: In mid-promo, Kane comes out. Angle hits him with the bell, so he can't be disqualified. The bell never rang! They slug it out once the bell rings, and Angle gives him a german suplex. Kane comes back with (what else) a back elbow, and then a choke toss. He tries for the chokeslam, but Angle pushes him away and gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. Angle chokes away after two clotheslines, and gives Kane a back suplex for 2. Angle goes for the front facelock, but when Kane powers out, he just drops Angle to the canvas like he's nothin'. Kane gives Angle a sideslam, but in response, Angle gives Kane the ROLLING GERMAN SUPLEXES. Three suplexes, at that. It only gets a 2 count. Angle comes off the top rope with a clothesline, but when he goes up top again, Kane clotheslines him on the way down. Kane gives Angle a big boot and a backdrop, followed up by a powerslam for 2. Kane misses a charge to the corner, but he still gives Angle a chokeslam for 2. Kane goes for the TOMBSTONE, but Angle counters the hold with an ANGLE SLAM for 2. The straps come off, and Angle goes to the ANKLE LOCK. Kane powers out after a bit, and gives Kurt an enziguri. Kane goes to the top, but Angle gives him the pop-up belly-to-belly suplex. An Angle Slam attempt follows, but Kane counters it with a chokehold. Angle rolls through the choke, and pins Kane with his feet on the ropes for 3 at 10:43.   Match Analysis: An Olympic carryjob. I mean, wow. *** for what is almost the best match on the card. Haven't seen anything better from Kane, in, like, ever. ___________________   The Hurricane's in the back, trying to hide from the action. He also has a broom, but Godfather's hos are in the room. Yeah, there's a boner joke and all, until the Godfather chases him out. ___________________   Ric Flair vs. the Undertaker is our next match, and there are NO disqualifications.   Blow-by-blow: Hype video and all that, in probably the only match on this show that didn't have some retarded reason for occuring. Flair runs down to the ring and attacks Taker, so they trade blows. They fight on the announce table, until Taker rams Flair into the ringpost. Into the stairs Flair goes, then we go back into the ring. Taker whips Flair into the corner, but Flair can't make it over the turnbuckles. Poor guy. They do the spot again, and Flair makes it over, given a big boot when on the apron for his troubles. Taker sits Flair down in a chair and punches away, so Flair bleeds. Inside, Taker kicks Flair, and Flair flops to the ground. Taker gives Flair two clotheslines, and places him on the top, for a gigantic superplex (the superplex is my favorite wrestling move, you see). It only gets 2, because Taker pulls Flair up. Taker places Flair on the apron and legdrops him, but he only gets 2, for the same reason as the last. Taker goes for OLD SCHOOL, but Flair throws him down to the canvas. That doesn't really matter, as Taker gives Flair a sideslam for 2. Flair chops away, knocking Taker out of the ring, and gets a lead pipe. He hits Taker in the head with it, so Taker bleeds. More shots with the lead pipe and a "keep off" sign follow, as we go back in the ring. Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Flair gives him a low blow and applies the FIGURE-FOUR leglock. Taker chokes Flair to break the hold, and chokeslams Flair for a 2 count. Taker tosses the referee into the turnbuckle, and goes out to get the pipe. ARN FREAKING ANDERSON runs down to the ring, unexpectedly I might add, and gives Taker a SPINEBUSTER, getting Flair a 2 count. When watching this live, I thought it was over. Taker punches Arn to make him bleed, and applies a dragon sleeper, until Flair hits him in the back with a chair. Flair tries to hit him in the head with it, but Taker kicks it back into his face. Flair's unable to take the LAST RIDE, so instead, Taker gives him the TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER for 3 at 18:46.   Match Analysis: Really good match, but it was too long. After thinking about it, it's just as good as Angle/Kane, so I'll give it ***. Streak and all that, but Arn's run-in really should've ended the match in favor of Flair. ___________________   Booker T cuts a promo next, talking about Einstein's theory of relatives. I laughed. He had on glasses, too. Good stuff. ___________________ Booker T vs. Edge is the next match, obviously.   Blow-by-blow: Worst feud in the history of feuds. Period. Edge gets the best of the initial punchout, but Booker gives him a shoulderblock. Edge comes back with a dropkick and facebuster, which only gets a 1 count. Booker gives Edge a hotshot, and a spinning heel kick for 2. Booker clotheslines Edge over the top, and comes off the apron onto Edge with a big right hand. Booker goes up to the top when Edge gets back in, and gives him a missile dropkick. Booker follows with a spinebuster for 2, but when he goes back up top, Edge crotches him. Edge gives Booker a hurricanrana with Booker placed on top, but it looked all funny. That's followed up by 2 Edge clotheslines, and a spinning heel kick off the top for 2. Edge gives Booker a slingshot into the turnbuckle, but he misses the spear attempt that ensues. Booker gives Edge a superkick, and entertains us with...THE SPINAROONIE! Booker follows with the SCISSOR KICK for 2, before going for the BOOKEND. Edge says no, and SPEARS Booker for 2. EDGEAROONIE and all that, then the EDGECUTION finishes off Booker for the 3 count at 6:32. Match Analysis: Going through the motions...**. ___________________   In the back, THE HURRICANE is talking to Jonathan Coachman. Mighty Molly is there, and she hits Hurricane with a frying pan to win the Hardcore Title. Ha. ___________________ STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN is going to take on Scott Hall...who's accompanied by Kevin Nash.   Blow-by-blow: Austin in the mid-card boggles the mind, as does the NWO music being dubbed over. Austin stomps a mudhole in Hall to start the match, and gives him a back elbow. Austin follows it up with the THESZ PRESS, and an elbowdrop. Hall bails, but Austin attacks both he and Nash. Hall gets rammed into the steel steps, and they go back inside. Hall clotheslines Austin for 2, and whips Austin into a turnbuckle that Nash pulled the pad off of. Outside Austin goes, where Nash beats him up. In the process, Nash tears his quad. Back inside, and Hall gives Austin a fallaway slam for 2. Hall gives Austin a clothesline for 2, and with the referee distracted afterward, Nash punches Austin. Austin comes back with a spinebuster on Hall, and a STUNNER...but Nash pulls the referee out of the ring during the count and clobbers him. Nash comes into the ring as Hall gets a chair, but Austin gives both a STUNNER. The cover on Hall gets two, as Nash elbowdrops the new referee. Ha. Nash goes out of the ring thanks to Austin, and so does Hall, via a backdrop. Yo. The referees come out and make Nash leave, as Austin and Hall fight on the outside. Hall gives Austin a STUNNER back in the ring, but he only gets a 2 count. Austin pops back up, two STUNNERS, and the win at 9:52. Love how Hall just stood there, looking, well, stunned, after the first of those two STUNNERS. Beer celebration, surprised Hall didn't snag one for himself, harharharharhar. Match Analysis: More going through the motions stuff...*3/4. ___________________   To part two of the program we go, and WWF Axxess. Doesn't need to be covered. ___________________   The next matchup is a 4 Corners Elimination Match, as it's the Dudley Boyz w/Stacy Keibler vs. the APA vs. the Hardy Boyz vs. Billy and Chuck for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   This is probably the hardest match I've had to review so far. It wasn't very easy. APA attack the champions at the start, and Bradshaw will start the match, facing Billy Gunn. Bradshaw tries a fallaway slam, but Chuck tags in. Bradshaw still gives Gunn the fallaway slam, but Chuck tripped him or something. Bradshaw gives Billy a back suplex, and Faarooq tags in. Billy rams him into the buckle and stomps on Faarooq, but Faarooq counters with a powerslam. A DDT follows for 2, and D-Von tags in, with Billy going out. Faarooq gives D-Von a spinebuster, and Billy is given the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL by Bradshaw...but Bradshaw is given the 3D, eliminating his team at 3:25. * for that, it was a mess.   The Hardys both come into the ring and do a bunch of combo moves on their opponent, honestly, this shit is happening so fast that I can't even write it down. The Dudleys set up a table, and Jeff gives Bubba Ray a pescado. Stacy Keibler gets on the ring apron, so Jeff spanks her when she pulls up her shorts as a distraction. Smart move. Bubba gives Billy a BUBBA BOMB, but he misses a charge to the corner. He's still able to give Jeff Hardy a backdrop, for a 2 count. D-Von gives Jeff a suplex for 2, and when Bubba tags back in, he stomps on Jeff's nuts. D-Von gives Jeff a back elbow after the tag, but Jeff responds with a reverse DDT. Matt Hardy and Bubba Ray tag in, Matt gives Bubba a DDT, and slams D-Von. Cause he's a house of fire. I know this part of the review is a mess, but just bear with me. Bubba gives Matt a back suplex, but he misses a senton off the top rope. Obviously, that means Matt Hardy has to go UHHHH and give Bubba a legdrop off the 2nd rope. The Dudleys try to do the WAZZUP headbutt after a few punches, but Billy pushes D-Von all the way down to the floor and through the table that was sitting at ringside. Ouch. TWIST OF FATE on Bubba, SWANTON, and the Dudleys are gone at 11:49. Useless pile of shit waste of time. DUD.   Chuck gives Matt a superkick for a 2 count to start this portion of the the match, so in response, Jeff legdrops Chuck in the lower abdominal area. Matt gives Chuck what would later be known as the SIDE EFFECT, and Jeff tags right back in. POETRY IN MOTION is given to both Billy and Chuck, and then, Chuck is given a TWIST OF FATE. The SWANTON BOMB follows, but Billy gives Jeff a FAMEASSER, for 2. Billy runs in with one of the tag titles, and he hits Jeff in the back of the head with it, giving Chuck the pinfall over Jeff at 13:51. Whadda ya know? The two non-shitty parts of this match (although that is debatable) gave us the best part of the match. I rated this part **. Now, for the overall rating. 3 out of a possible 15 stars is a...* rating. Awfully shitty for a nearly 15 minute match. Add length and how terrible that length was into the equation, and knock down half. 1/2* is my rating for that horrendous spectacle. 2nd worst tag title match at WrestleMania.   (The worst is going to be put on this channel next week...or at least I remember it being the worst.) ___________________   You see, HULK HOGAN wants to go at it alone tonight, so the other members of the NWO will not accompany him to the ring.   After that, Christian hits Mighty Molly with the top half of a two-halved door, and pins her to win the Hardcore Title. Sonofabitch. ___________________   Excuse the copy and paste job. I think this is the best review of any match I've done, so I'm proud of it.   Rock vs. Hogan. That's all the description you need.   Blow-by-blow: The staredown before the bout still gives me chills, even though I've watched this match at least 20 times. Both wrestlers lock-up, until Hogan pushes Rocky to the canvas. He poses, and the crowd goes apeshit. I still mark for this entire match, so everything is going to be insanely biased. Hogan gives Rock a shoulderblock, and poses more. Hell yeah, son! He gives him a clothesline, but Rock comes back with one of his own, and tells him to BRING IT. Rocky gives him the SPIT PUNCH, but Hogan seems deathly terrified of taking a bump over the top, so he scoots out of the ring under the bottom rope. Rocky throws Hogan back in, and clotheslines him after Hogan isn't able to backdrop the Rock. Rock goes for ROCK BOTTOM, but he gets elbowed away by Hogan, and then given a running elbow. Hogan gives him 2 elbowdrops, and a face stomp to boot. Rocky gives Hogan a spear, and the mount punch. Hogan then gives Rock a back suplex, which gets a 2 count. Hogan goes to the ABDOMINAL STRETCH, and then rolls Rock up for another 2 count. He gives Rock the BACK RAKE, and a few chops, before taking him to the corner. Over there, he gives Rock two punches, and bites him. Rocky gives him a few chops (huh), and Hogan misses a charge to the corner, but quickly gives Rock a chokeslam afterward. Hogan takes the tape off his wrists and chokes the Rock with it, and tosses Rock out over the top rope. He rams the Rock into the steel steps, and slams him throat-first onto the barrier at ringside. Hogan begins to take apart the announce table, seemingly to slam Rocky onto it, but the Rock gets there first, and rams Hogan into the table. Rock grabs a chair, but the official takes it away, preventing him from using it. Back inside, Hogan gives Rock a clothesline, and sidesteps when the Rock's running afterward, forcing the Rock to run into the official. Rock comes back with an ugly spinebuster, and the SHARPSHOOTER. Hogan gets to the ropes, but since the ref's out, why break the hold? Once Rock thinks he's done enough, he revives the referee, as the crowd chants "Rocky Sucks." Gee, they love him, don't they. Hogan gives the Rock a low blow, and a ROCK BOTTOM, which only gets 2. Hogan takes off his weight belt now, and hits Rock with it three times. If Hollywood hasn't used his belt yet, the match isn't going to be ending. Of course, he has to take some punishment too, after he misses a punch with the belt on his hand, and gets caught with a DDT by Rocky. Rock grabs the belt now, and hits Hogan with it 7 times. He gives Hogan ROCK BOTTOM, which gets an early 2 count. Oh my GAWD, he's HULKIN' UP! Boom, boom, boom, big boot, DROP THE FUCKING LEG, but it only gets 2. JR was going into raptures about how Hogan pinned Andre with the legdrop, so it's fitting that the move didn't finish the match. Hogan gives Rock another big boot, but is unable to DROP THE FUCKING LEG. Rock gives him ROCK BOTTOM, and sends him down to ROCK BOTTOM AGAIN, then kips up and gives him the MF'ING PEOPLE'S ELBOW for 3 at 16:23. After the Rock celebrates for a bit, Hogan extends his hand in friendship. The Rock accepts the gesture, so Scott Hall and Kevin Nash go to the ring. They thought Hogan was NWO 4 LIFE, but I guess he's not, so they attack him. The Rock runs back down to the ring, and cleans house, along with Hogan. He wants Hogan to pose, so he does. That's the end of WM X8...oh wait, it's not.   Match Analysis: ***. I don't have any problem with those that say the match wasn't that good, but come on. Not only that, but it should've been their only match, and the match at No Way Out 2003 should never have happened. But yeah, the show should've ended here. It would've been the perfect ending, Hogan passing the torch, and then Rocky coming back to help run off the dastardly NWO, who turned on the guy they thought was NWO 4 LIFE. For shame WWF, for shame.   (One last thing, from the present and not the C&P. You know how I said this should've ended the show? Well, this rings ever true throughout the rewatch. Everything else on this show is not worthy of being at WrestleMania. Everything.) ___________________   Lita vs. Trish vs. Jazz is our Triple Threat for the Women's Title match....   Blow-by-blow: You talk about a dead crowd, goodness. Lita and Jazz fight in the middle of the ring before Trish can run down (nice buttshorts btw), and Jazz kicks Trish in the mush when she finally gets there. Jazz gives Trish a BOSTON CRAB, Rick Martel style, and follows it up with a chickenwing toss on Lita. She's dominating the match, and gives Lita a legdrop, for 2. Jazz gives Lita a double-underhook suplex, as Trish goes out of the ring. Lita mounts a comeback with a flying headscissor, and a powerbomb on Jazz for 2. Jazz gives Lita a hotshot, and places her up top, but Trish comes in, ending whatever Jazz had in mind. Trish rolls Jazz up for 2, and reverses a Lita crossbody for a 2 count. Lita clotheslines Jazz, and in response, Trish kicks Lita and gives her a bulldog for 2. Jazz splashes Lita for 2, then gives Trish a fisherman's buster for a 2 count. You know, they're trying to do the whole Jazz thing with Beth Phoenix, and it doesn't work. Trish gives Jazz a reverse DDT for 2, then Lita and Trish get in a little argument. Lita slaps Trish and gives her a backdrop, before giving Jazz a TWIST OF FATE. Lita takes off her shirt, but misses a moonsault from the top, unfortunately. Trish rolls Lita up for 2, but seeing as that failed, she tries to give Jazz a backslide, also getting 2. Lita backdrops Jazz over the top and rams Trish into the buckle, before going UP top. Trish crotches her and gets knocked off the apron, so Jazz makes her way up and gives Lita a FISHERMAN'S BUSTER OFF THE TOP for 3 at 6:16.   Match Analysis: First off, why have the Canadian lose when the crowd is dying/dead. Give them some life. But then again, why have the Canadian win when the crowd is dead. Then it makes it look like the title change means nothing. *1/2, and I would've rated it higher, but a large part of good women's wrestling on this continent is being able to get the crowd into it. They weren't here, but when the crowd does enjoy it, the matches rock. Unfortunately, there are few matches which have fit that billing in the WWF or WWE, whatever iteration of the company you want to look at. ___________________   Christian's about to leave in a taxi, but Maven sneaks up behind him and rolls him up for the 3 count. How many title changes on the whole show have there been, 6? I think it's 6, to this point. Anyway, Maven jumps in the taxi and leaves. Not only did Christian lose the Hardcore Title, he lost his luggage as well. Then he throws a temper tantrum, likely because he lost a 100 dollar pair of underwear or something. ___________________   The (un-anticipated) main event on this card is Triple H vs. Chris Jericho w/Stephanie McMahon for the Undisputed Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Drowning Pool plays HHH to the ring, but this time, I don't fast-forward. Why? Because I like this song, at least as much as you can like a Drowning Pool song. Jericho goes for the knee at the beginning of the match, but HHH just gives him a backdrop in response. Two clotheslines follow, and so does a high knee. HHH sells the leg injury afterward, so Jericho backdrops him over the top. HHH slams Jericho from the top rope to the floor as Jericho tried to leap on HHH, and HHH gives Jericho a suplex on the outside. HHH peels apart the announce tables, but Jericho gives him a few front leg back kicks to prevent anything from occuring. Inside, HHH gives Jericho a spear, but Jericho responds by going right back to the leg. Jericho gives HHH three elbowdrops, and kicks HHH's leg twice, before going to the eyes. HHH responds with a kneebreaker and a FIGURE-FOUR, until Stephanie McMahon forces HHH to break the hold. HHH pulls her onto the apron, and makes Jericho run into her, knocking her down to the floor. HHH then tosses her in, but Jericho gives him a missile dropkick. Jericho rams HHH's leg into the post and applies a leglock soon after, before ramming HHH's knee into the canvas. Jericho slaps on the RINGPOST FIGURE-FOUR (original is better in this case), but he can't hold it for too long anyway. Jericho applies a spinning toehold next, and uses the ropes, until HHH kicks him into the buckle. HHH follows that up with a neckbreaker, and a clothesline for a 2 count. HHH continues the assault with the knee to the face, and a spinebuster, which gets a 2 count. Jericho tosses HHH over the top rope to catch a break, and then they both go toward the announce tables. Jericho tries the WALLS OF JERICHO on one announce table (like, what does that add to the move, exactly), but he can't get the move to work. HHH then goes for the PEDIGREE, but Jericho backdrops him onto and through the other announce table. Back in and a LIONSAULT gets 2, twice. Nobody really cares. Little finisher reversal sequence here, which ends in the WALLS OF JERICHO. HHH makes the ropes, of course, like everyone else does. Stephanie gets on the apron to distract the referee as Jericho grabs a chair, but HHH kicks the chair in Jericho's face and DDT's him onto the chair for a 2 count. Stephanie now has the chair, but the referee takes it away...leaving her with no defense against HHH. HHH gives her a PEDIGREE to a substantial pop, but Jericho hits him with a chair, for 2. Jericho goes for the JERICHOGREE or something, but it's not happenin'. HHH rams him into the buckle and gives him the PEDIGREE, to win the Undisputed Title at 18:41. HHH celebrates, to end the show. Match Analysis: It wasn't even a bad match. It was actually a good match...but for that crowd. Man, that killed everything for me. **3/4. The Stephanie shit got really tiresome throughout, to be fair. ___________________   Rating: Decent. Just a regular, standard PPV show.   Best Segment: Uh, Rock/Hogan. Not close, really.   Worst Segment: Dudleys vs. Hardys vs. APA vs. Billy and Chuck. Awful. ___________________   I'll put up a WrestleMania VIII review sometime before or on Wednesday.
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Review: WWF Monday Night RAW from Detroit, Michigan, 3/11/02.

Yeah, RAW, from Detroit. ___________________   Gene Okerlund introduces the show, much like he has been with all the WrestleMania related programming. The first match on the card is the Dudley Boys and William Regal vs. the Hardy Boys and Rob Van Dam.   - RVD started things off with a pescado onto Regal, which was great. The dudleys go for a table during the match, but it gets kicked into D-Von's face. That's also great.   - There's a shmoz, and after multiple finishers, it ends with the FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH onto William Regal, getting the pinfall at 4:01. **. Good way to start things off. ___________________   You see, there's an emergency board meeting right now. Thanks to Ric Flair, this company is in a state of emergency. Vince McMahon wants the board to choose what direction the company will head in. I always hate these board meetings. Just a big waste of time is all they are.   Kurt Angle has a microphone in the ring, and he wants to talk about crime, cause this is Detroit, and all. He says that he was robbed of a WrestleMania title shot a few weeks ago, and turns to Kane. He knows that Kane is the Big Red Machine, but he says that Kurt Angle is the Big Red White and Blue Machine. I LOL'd. He's facing Kane at WrestleMania, calls the fans stupid...which brings out Booker T. Booker T says that Kurt Angle's pissing him off, so the fans cheer. Then he says, that these people are BEYOND stupid. It's all their fault he doesn't have the Japanese shampoo endorsement, which of course, brings out Edge. Edge wants to face Booker T at WrestleMania, and then the conversation turns into how white Kurt Angle is. Kurt Angle says he has soul, and does a spinaroonie. Then they challenge Edge and a partner of his choice.   Stephanie McMahon has HHH's dog, she hates it, has a court order which says she owns it, yadayadayada ___________________   The second match on the show is Rikishi vs. Test.   - Oh no. Sounds terrible. On Heat, Test helped Mr. Perfect beat Rikishi. So we have this.   - Mr. Perfect tried to interfere, even though it was thwarted, Test still pinned Rikishi after the big boot at 1:57. 1/4*. Not good at all. ___________________   Chris Jericho hates dogs, you see. The dog shits on the floor, and Stephanie makes he and the dog leave. He ties the dog to a door handle on a limo, and leaves. I can't believe they made him into Stephanie's bitch. Oh wait, I do believe it, I just didn't like it.   DDP's trying to help Christian, but they encounter Billy and Chuck. Christian wants to face Billy tonight. He believes that he'll be able to end his losing streak. That's not a bad thing, that's A GOOD THING.   Vince McMahon shows the board of directors a clip in which Flair accidentally punched a fan and was arrested. Big whoop. ___________________   Al Snow is facing Goldust for the Hardcore Title now...   - I love Goldust's gold weapons. Funny stuff. Al Snow wins the title after a SNOWPLOW onto a trash can, at 1:03. *. ___________________   Chris Jericho jumped in the limo cause he wanted to go buy something, and the driver ran over the dog. Poor dog. HHH is pretty pissed off. ___________________   We have that little tag team match, which is Kurt Angle and Booker T vs. Edge and...THE BIG SHOW.   - Hoo-rah for mystery partners.   - Go to the end, ANGLE SLAM on Show, ANKLE LOCK on Show, and he taps out at 4:38. *1/2. ___________________   At WWF New York, Jacqueline, Torrie Wilson and Terri are there, parading around in bikinis. Yeah. ___________________   Billy w/Chuck is taking on Christian w/DDP...   - DDP goes on commentary for a bit. Nothing wrong with that, although there's defnitely something wrong with Christian's temper tantrums. I've seen enough shitty booking and ideas on this show to last a lifetime.   - As the referee was distracted, DDP snuck in and gave Christian a DIAMOND CUTTER. So, that helped Christian to break his losing streak after the pinfall at 2:08. 1/2*.   After the bout, Christian gives DDP a reverse DDT. Seeing as DDP's the European Champion, obviously Christian wants a title shot. ___________________   Back to the board of directors, Vince wants a vote of confidence in him. Whatever. ___________________   Lita and Trish Stratus vs. Stacy Keibler and Jazz is the next match...   - On Smackdown, Jazz attacked Lita during her match with Stacy Keibler. Plus, Jazz, Lita and Trish will be facing each other at WrestleMania, so this is self-explanatory.   - There's a brawl, Trish kicks Lita on accident, and Jazz pins her at 2:24. DUD. Boy oh boy, this show sucks a fat one. ___________________   Stephanie McMahon is on her way to the ring, and she says that it wasn't her fault what happened to HHH's dog. HHH comes down, chases her and tosses her into the ring...and before the PEDIGREE, Jericho hits him in the knee with the SLEDGEHAMMER. OMG. "I think I tore my quad." During the commercial break, Jericho chopblocked HHH while he was being helped to the back. What a dastardly human being. HHH does the whole stretcher job, and we go back to the...   Board meeting. Vince gets full authority now, but they can review this decision after WrestleMania. Flair cuts a good, calm promo about how he's going to get revenge on the Undertaker, at ANY COST. ___________________   The NWO is in the back, and see, they can't wait until WrestleMania. But right now, they're going to face Steve Austin and the Rock in a handicap match.   - Personally, I cannot believe this match was on television. On television the week before a PPV, no less.   - The black and white effect during the NWO entrance is fantastic. In the late 90's-2000, any of these matchups (example...Austin/Nash, Hall/Rock) would've been big money drawing matches. I wouldn't have had Rock and Hogan interact at all during this match. Just my opinion.   - The match is ridiculously formula, and it finishes when Hogan DROPS THE FUCKIN' LEG on Rock at 9:13. Austin attacked Hogan post-match, but Hall and Nash beat he and the Rock down. *1/4 for the whole thing...where's the spraypaint? End show. ___________________   Rating: Bad. Really bad. This was one of the worst RAW's I've watched in a long time. If not for the novelty of the main event, I'd have called it terrible.   Best Segment: Opening 6-man tag.   Worst: Take your pick. ___________________   WrestleMania X8 review will be up next, but there's no rush. Unless WrestleMania VIII gets posted on Tuesday, WM X8 is the only thing I have to review for a week and a half.
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Review: Monday Nitro and Monday Night Raw from 6/16/97.

We're LIVE FROM CHICAGO, and the NWO is on their way to the ring. In this case, that means Dennis Rodman and HOLLYWOOD HOGAN. This being Chicago and all, the pop for Rodman's entrance is huge. They're smoking cigars, and you know why, because Rodman and Hogan are supposed to face Lex Luger and the GIANT at Bash at the Beach. The NWO really doesn't want that though, instead, they want to face them tonight. Rodman calls out "Lex Luthor," but they get no answer.   At Great American Bash last night, Ric Flair brawled with Syxx, which led to Piper losing their chance at the WCW Tag Titles. So, Flair will be here tonight to explain himself. ___________________   The opener for tonight is Glacier vs. Mortis w/James Vandenberg...   - I think Vandenberg still has Glacier's helmet. One little thing I noticed, Glacier has blue borders around the letters in his name on the display during the entrance. Seriously.   - Wrath comes down the aisle and onto the apron, but Mortis runs into him, which leads to a CRYONIC KICK. That allows Glacier to pin Mortis at 2:14. *3/4. After the bout, Wrath attacks Glacier, until Ernest Miller cleans house. What a terrible angle this is, but that said, this is generally my favorite part of the show. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Madusa, who's being forced to retire after losing to Akira Hokuto last night. Sucks for her. She's a woman of her word, and that's it. See you guys around. ___________________   Dean Malenko comes to the ring, and you know what, seeing as Eddie Guerrero interfered and cost him the US Title against Jeff Jarrett last week, he wants to face him, right now. Instead, Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes out, seemingly to stick up for his uncle. And they'll have a match.   - Dean was looking around for Eddie for most of the match, btw.   - Chavo put in a good effort, but he tapped out to the TEXAS CLOVERLEAF at 3:38. **. Eddie Guerrero's at the entrance, but he just leaves without saying anything. ___________________   La Parka vs. Super Calo is next, supposedly because these two are having some problems.   - Calo does that tope con hilo which takes him into the crowd, and I'm starting to hate it. Way too dangerous.   - A flying headscissors off the top gives Calo the pinfall victory at 3:44, and after the bout, LA PARKA breaks a plastic chair over Calo's head. You know, because he's the Chairman of WCW. ** for the whole thing. ___________________   Lex Luger and the GIANT are with Mean Gene, the Giant just babbles, and they want to face the NWO tonight as well. So it'll happen. By the way, I wrote that spoiler into my notes before watching the rest of the show. Just so you know. ___________________   The next matchup on the card tonight is the Harlem Heat w/Sister Sherri vs. the Amazing French Canadians w/Col. Robert Parker.   - You see, Sherri and Parker, well, they have history. Last month on WWE 24/7, their wedding was shown. They weren't able to get married, though, thanks to Madusa.   - Jacques Rougeau wants to sing the Canadian National Anthem, but really, all he wants to do is attack Harlem Heat. Last night at Great American Bash, Harlem Heat defeated the Steiners by DQ, thanks to Vincent. That win made them the #1 contenders for the tag titles.   - Booker pinned Jacques at 3:45 after an elevated Harlem Sidekick. The match was only acceptable, so I'll rate it *1/4.   Mean Gene is with JJ Dillon, who says that Harlem Heat's win last night was tainted. They don't want the NWO manipulating results, so next week, there's going to be a rematch. Vincent comes out and says that he did Harlem Heat a favor (this should've occured before the thing with Dillon, not after) at Great American Bash, so Harlem Heat kick his ass. Pseudo face turn right there. ___________________   Rey Mysterio vs. Syxx w/Scott Hall and Kevin Nash for the Cruiserweight Title is up next, and last time these two faced on Nitro, Rey was left battered and bruised in the center of the ring. That'll probably happen this time too.   - It's hour #2 of Nitro, so the pyro goes off. DURING THE MIDDLE OF THE MATCH. Only in WCW, I tell you.   - After a Rey hurricanrana off the top, the NWO runs into the ring. BUT, Rey fights them off, and knocks both men out of the ring. That was all the distraction Syxx needed, though, and he slaps on the Buzzkiller to force Rey to tap at 4:47. **1/4. After the bout, Nash JACKKNIFES Rey right on his head. Ouch.   Nash gets on the mic, and talks about Flair and Piper. Hey yo, those guys aren't icons. Here comes Randy Savage, who talks about NWO 4 LIFE and that nobody's BETTAH THAN THE MACHO MAN....OOOOOOOHH YEEAH! DDP is in the crowd to dispute that fact, saying that Savage can't do a thing by himself. He wants to face Hall and Nash, seeing as he's found a partner and all. He's not saying who, though. I'm not going to say who it is, in case anyone's curious. Just wait until we get closer to the show. Don't spoil it for yourself if you don't know. ___________________   The next match is Chris Jericho vs. the Ultimo Dragon.   - Hey, a matchup which frequently occured in WAR. Sonny Onoo tries to pay Jericho off, but Jericho pushes him to the ground.   - Unfortunately, this match is nowhere near as good as its predecessors. It wouldn't even have been good if given time. Dragon pins Jericho with a tiger suplex at 4:38, thankfully. *. ___________________   On the Road with Lee Marshall in Macon, yadayadayada...   After, Mean Gene is with Rowdy Roddy Piper. He doesn't want Rodman to steal his kilt, which elicits a few boos. He wants to talk to Ric Flair, obviously. Flair comes out and says it was the fight of his life once he made it past that curtain at the Bash..but mostly, he's sorry. ___________________   Buff Bagwell and Scott Norton are set to take on Jeff Jarrett and Mongo McMichael, who are of course accompanied by Debra.   - Mongo was a Chicago Bear. Obviously he's beloved by this crowd. Mongo gives Jarrett a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER in mid-strut, and Buff pins Jarrett for the win. My time was messed up, but this wasn't very long. You know why Mongo tombstoned Jarrett? Well, at the Great American Bash, Jarrett accidentally hit Mongo with a briefcase, allowing Mongo to be pinned by Kevin Greene. I reviewed that match some time ago. ** for the match and turn. ___________________   HOLLYWOOD Hogan and Dennis Rodman are set to take on Lex Luger and the GIANT, but...the WCW guys haven't made their entrance. Rodman and Hogan are going to leave, until the GIANT and Luger encounter them in the aisleway. They go back to the ring, and Giant gets Rodman in the CHOKESLAM. The ring is being PELTED with trash, and Hogan stops the chokeslam. Rodman clocks the Giant with the WCW Title, and Hogan hits Luger with it. The typical NWO beatdown ensues, as does the spraypaint. I'd be lying if I said I've seen more trash thrown into a wrestling ring before. This even tops Bash at the Beach from the year previous. This ends the show, and honestly, this was the perfect time for a Sting moment. But with Rodman there, who really knows how the crowd is going to react, this being Chicago. ___________________   The show was good. Best segment was, uh, the ending. Simply because I'm not tired of the beatdowns yet, although I damn sure will be before too long. The worst was the whole Glacier/Miller vs. Wrath/Mortis stuff. This isn't good. ___________________   Now, to MONDAY NIGHT RAW, from Lake Placid, NY. ___________________   Intro to the show and all that, Bret Hart won't be there tonight, and Shawn Michaels is out 4-6 weeks because of his backstage fight with Bret. Because of this, we're going to have a tag team tournament. The winner of that is going to take on Steve Austin and a partner of his choice. Steve Austin now comes to the ring, and in mid-speech, Mankind comes on the TitanTron. He thinks that being flipped the bird shows a bond between them, but Austin says that he doesn't need a freak following him around. He didn't need Shawn Michaels shaking his ass all the time, either. Well, Mankind says that he has a nice ass, Austin says he has a fat ass, and that's the end of their conversation. We flashback to what happened last week when Austin was attacked before his match with Brian Pillman, and he's going to whip Pillman's ass when they face off later tonight. Here comes Ken Shamrock, to different music, again. He challenges Austin, and Austin accepts, saying he'll beat him after he beats Pillman.   Pillman has an interview in which he displays his dislike for the fact that his stablemates will be handcuffed to the ringposts during his match... ___________________   And now, we have the New Blackjacks taking on Owen Hart and the British Bulldog. First round of the tag tourney, I might add.   - There isn't much else to say, other than that Owen gave Bradshaw a spinning heel kick and Bradshaw was pinned for 3 by Bulldog at 3:39. *1/2. ___________________   Paul Bearer and the Undertaker are backstage, where Bearer tells us that he can do WHATEVER HE WANTS.   Ken Shamrock is backstage too, and he cuts a terrible promo. I drew nothing from it. ___________________   HHH w/Chyna is facing Phineas Godwinn now...   - Thank goodness Henry Godwinn had a messed up neck. It saved us from many terrible tag team matches featuring those two hicks.   - Chyna weakly pushed the entrance attire guy before the match. Super weak. Anyhow, toward the end of the match, Chyna gets on the apron, and Phineas kisses her. That's all the distraction HHH needed to give Godwinn the PEDIGREE for the 3 count at 3:34. 1/2*, wasn't good at all. Henry Godwinn comes down the aisle, and he argues with Phineas. He tells Vince McMahon that it's "his fault," and leaves. Vince Russo's fingerprints are all over that. ___________________   Faarooq is with D'Lo Brown, and Faarooq says that two BLACKER members will be added to the Nation tonight. ___________________   Sunny is the guest ring announcer for...Brian Christopher vs. Chris Candido. Yes, I just said that. And Paul Heyman is on commentary.   - I like the angle, but this is just weird. A USWA vs. ECW match on WWF TV?   - Jerry Lawler comes down to the ring, and pulls Candido off the top rope, getting his son DQ'd at 2:44. Lawler, Christopher and Rob Van Dam all stomp on Candido, until Tommy Dreamer makes the save. *. ___________________   Ahmed Johnson says that the Undertaker needs to do things the easy way, just like Paul Bearer said. Don't understand that. ___________________   Jim Neidhart faces Goldust w/Marlena now....   - It's weird seeing the ANVIL in a singles match. Unfortunately, this match is as bad as it sounds. The British Bulldog comes to the ring, you know, because Marlena slapped him last week. Goldust slaps the Bulldog, and pins Neidhart after a punch at 3:46. Neidhart took a ridiculous bump on a punch you could see didn't even hit. So, DUD. ___________________   After a few promos, we have Steve Austin vs. Brian Pillman. The rest of the Hart Foundation is handcuffed to the ringposts.   - Owen continuously tries to get the handcuffs off, to no avail. At least for now. Austin loves to beat on the rest during the match, and we go to a commercial.   - We're back, and Pillman's nose is broken. When Austin gives one of the two referees a STUNNER, Owen reaches into that official's pocket and grabs the keys to unlock himself. He unlocks Neidhart and Bulldog, so at 8:30 (shown), Pillman gets disqualified, as they pound on Austin. **.   Mankind, Goldust and Shamrock all run down to the ring to break things up, at least until Shamrock gives Austin a belly-to-belly suplex. They brawl, until the Legion of Doom comes out. Mankind has mysteriously disappeared, and Goldust grabs a microphone. He wants these five that are in the ring right now to be the five that take on the Hart Foundation at Canadian Stampede. And you know what, he thinks they'll kick their asses. Austin says that he doesn't need the other four, but seeing as he has to have them to take part in that match, he's going to accept. So the main event at Canadian Stampede is set. ___________________   The Hart Foundation is in the back, and they're fine with facing those five. They don't discriminate, they love to kick everyone's ass, they say. ___________________   Here comes Sable, who's the guest ring announcer for this match between Robert Fulton and Tommy Rogers.   - First reaction, WHAT THE FUCK? The Fantastics are facing each other? On WWF TV no less? It's short, but good anyway. At 2:48, Rogers pins Fulton after an UNPRETTIER. *3/4. I can't understand this. After the bout, Marc Mero comes down the aisle. You know why? Because he kinda wants Sable to go to the back. I loved this angle, and the seeds have been planted. Fortunately or unfortunately, he doesn't wrestle until September. ___________________   The Headbangers are taking on Jerry Lawler and Rob Van Dam as part of this tag team tournament...   - Heyman and Tommy Dreamer are in the crowd...you know something's gonna happen. These old clips make me miss RVD...just being honest.   - Big chants of "YOU SOLD OUT" are pointed towards RVD...and when the referee is distracted, THE SANDMAN comes down the aisle and canes Lawler in the nuts. The Headbangers pin Lawler after a cool double team move (don't know what to call it)at 4:38, and now, we brawl. There's a huge fight, at least until it's broken up. Match was *1/2. ___________________   Ahmed Johnson and the Undertaker w/Paul Bearer vs. Faarooq and a mystery partner is our main event.   - You know who the mystery partner is? Well, after much delay, it's KAMA MUSTAFA. Talk about a disappointment. We go to a commercial...   - After the commercial, Kama pins Taker CLEAN with a uranage at 3:49 (shown). Yes, I just said that KAMA pinned the Undertaker clean, 1/2*. Ahmed gets in the ring after the match, and gives the Undertaker the PEARL RIVER PLUNGE. Following that...he stands with the Nation, and salutes, to much disdain. He's member #4.   End show. ___________________   The show was decent, the best segment was probably the lead up to the 10 man tag at Canadian Stampede, and the worst was Jim Neidhart vs. Goldust. Nitro was much better this week, and if not for the Stampede buildup and Ahmed turn, we'd be talking about a pretty bad show. ___________________   The RAW from before WrestleMania X8 will be up next. And then of course, WM X8 itself.
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Review: WWE Survivor Series 2007, from Miami, Florida, 11/18/2007.

Opening video, and there we are, Survivor Series 2007. ___________________   The first match is John Morrison vs. the Miz vs. CM Punk for the ECW Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Much like Last Man Standing, three-way matches are not my favorite. Morrison and Miz stomp on Punk at the start, but Punk comes back on Miz with a sunset flip for 2. Morrison slingshots Punk into the turnbuckles, but Punk flies back off with a springboard crossbody for a 2 count on Morrison. Punk tosses both Morrison and Miz out of the ring, and flies out onto both with a tope. Punk goes for the slingshot clothesline but Miz blocks him, and Morrison attacks Punk. Morrison and Miz give Punk a double suplex, but Miz dumps Morrison out afterward. Miz gives Punk a back suplex for 2 and applies a camel clutch, but Punk powers out and gives him an enziguri. Morrison dropkicks Miz out and gives Punk a neckbreaker for 2, before applying a strang looking chinlock. Morrison tosses Punk over the top, but as Punk tries to skin the cat, Miz grabs onto his legs and pulls him down to the floor. Morrison suplexes Miz in for a 2 count, and Miz replies with a stroke on Morrison that gets a 2 count. Miz clotheslines Morrison in the corner for a 2 count, but misses a charge, and Morrison responds with a SPLIT-LEGGED SKY TWISTER PRESS for a 2 count. Yes, I just said that. Punk comes back into the ring and places Morrison on the top, where he gives him a frankensteiner. Unfortunately, he frankensteiner'd Morrison into the Miz, who powerbombed him. Punk gives Miz a leg lariat, and follows that up with the knee to the head and bulldog for a 2 count. Punk gives Miz a double-underhook backbreaker for 2, and Morrison quickly comes in, rolling Punk up for a 2 count. Punk tries to give Miz a GO TO SLEEP, and isn't able to, but after Miz gets Morrison out of the way, he's able to give Miz a GO TO SLEEP for the win at 7:58. Yeah, Punk retains.   Match Analysis: Yeah, that was good. Probably would've been better if longer, but I didn't care for the finish. The rest of the match was good, especially for an opener, so **3/4. ___________________   Friday on Smackdown, MVP attacked Matt Hardy's knee, putting him on the shelf.. He has an interview, and yeah, Matt Hardy won't be in the elimination match later tonight. ___________________   Now, we have a 10 Diva tag team match, which features Beth Phoenix (Women's Champ), Layla, Jillian, Victoria and Melina vs. Torrie Wilson, Michelle McCool, Kelly Kelly, Maria and Mickie James. I can't really review this, for two reasons. #1, it's meaningless, and will take up more space than I want it to. #2, I assign letters to each name, when I take notes. There are so many matching letters that begin each persons name, making it impossible to keep track. Anyhow, this was non-elimination, and at first, I didn't think there would be time for everyone to tag in. But they did. There were a few comedy spots, and Mickie James gave Melina an UGLY kick for the pinfall victory at 4:41. 1/2*. ___________________   Coach and Regal are in the back, watching Hornswoggle. You know, he's facing the Great Khali later. Earlier though, Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels had some things to say about their match later tonight. ___________________   That leads us to Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes vs. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch for the World Tag Team Titles...   Blow-by-blow: Honestly, I can't fathom how this could make it to PPV. Seriously. Cade shoulderblocks Rhodes to start things off, and follows it up with a hiptoss. Rhodes responds with a dropkick, and a sunset flip for 2. Cade gives Rhodes a backbreaker, and Murdoch tags in. He tries to give Rhodes a back suplex, but he counters and tags in Holly. Holly chops away, but Murdoch rams him into the buckle. Cade tags in and misses a charge, so Holly sets up that kick to the nuts he's been doing forever. He clotheslines Cade over the top, and Rhodes tosses Murdoch over the top onto Cade. Cade comes in and misses a charge to the corner, so Holly rolls him up for 2. Murdoch comes in and gives Holly a big boot, following it up with a cover for 2. Cade tags in, and after a Murdoch slam, he drops Murdoch onto Holly, which gets a two count. Murdoch tags right back in, and after a snapmare, he goes to the chinlock. He tries a suplex, but Holly blocks it and gives him one of his own. Cade tags in, but he misses an elbowdrop...although he's able to follow it up with a clothesline. Murdoch tags in and Cade tries to drop him on Holly again, but that misses. Rhodes makes the lukewarm tag, gives Murdoch a clothesline, and then a backdrop. He gives Murdoch a bulldog, and comes off the top with a missile dropkick. Holly clotheslines Cade over the top, and Rhodes goes for a DDT, but Murdoch gives him a Rey Mysterio style sunset-flip powerbomb for 3 at 7:18. After the match, Holly leaves Rhodes in the ring. I guess that counts for dissension nowadays.   Match Analysis: Typical WWE tag match. Not good, and not bad. Just ok. *3/4. ___________________   Todd Grisham is with Kane, Rey Mysterio, Jeff Hardy and HHH in the back, for an interview. Without Matt Hardy, they're a man down. And you know what, HHH has history with two of the other three, as mentioned. He says he's sorry for the Katie Vick thing, and he's also sorry for beating the hell out of Jeff back in 2001. Great guy, that Triple H. ___________________   Yeah, this is our only traditional Survivor Series Match. It's Mr. Kennedy, Finlay, Big Daddy V, MVP (US Champion) and UMAGA vs. Jeff Hardy (Intercontinental Champion), Triple H, Kane, and Rey Mysterio.   Blow-by-blow: On the heel side, there is not a single credible wrestler. Not a one. On the face side, you have 3 former World Champions, and another who will be the fourth soon enough. Rey and Kennedy start, and Kennedy applies a wristlock. Rey reverses, and shoots Kennedy into the ropes, where Kennedy gives him a shoulderblock for 2. Kennedy misses a charge at Rey, and Rey gives him a flying headscissors. Rey gives him a sunset-flip powerbomb for 2, and tags in Hardy. Hardy gives Kennedy a POETRY IN MOTION, and rams him into the buckle. Kennedy comes back with a clothesline, and MVP tags in, with a cover for 2. Viscera tags in, and gives Jeff a headbutt. That's followed up with a shoulderblock, and Viscera walks over Jeff. Kane tags in, HOSS CENTRAL, Viscera gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. Kane gives Viscera a clothesline, and MVP gets side-slammed. Kane comes off the top with a clothesline, and he chokeslams Finlay. Viscera gives Kane a surprise samoan drop, and the BIG ELBOWDROP for 3 at 5:29. An ode to old Survivor Series matches, with that elbowdrop and all. Unintentionally funny.   With Kane gone, HHH comes in and gives Viscera the knee-to-face, but Viscera follows up with a clothesline. He misses a splash, and Umaga tags in. Umaga misses a charge to the corner, but comes back with a belly-to-belly suplex. He misses a diving headbutt off the 2nd rope, and Rey tags in. Umaga tries to sit on Rey after a big kick, but he misses, and Rey gives him a seated dropkick for 2. Rey is unable to give Umaga a springboard hurricanrana, but he rana's Umaga into the ropes, for the 619. It connects, but the seated senton which follows only gets a 2 count. Umaga gives Rey a GIGANTIC swinging side slam, and the SAMOAN SPIKE follows for the pinfall at 9:18. Wow, what a good finish to the fall.   Down to 2 on the babyface side, so Hardy goes into the ring to face Umaga. Kennedy tags in though, but misses a charge to the corner. Hardy dropkicks Kennedy, but lands on his head after missing that seated dropkick of his in the corner. MVP tag in, and gives Hardy a gorilla press slam out of fireman's carry position. MVP misses a big boot, and Hardy pins him for three after a TWIST OF FATE at 12:51.   Kennedy comes in, but Hardy gives him an enziguri, before making the tag to HHH. HHH clotheslines Kennedy for 2, and gives him a spinebuster. Viscera comes in on the pin attempt and accidentally gives Kennedy an elbowdrop, so he charges at HHH. HHH pulls down the top rope to send Viscera out, and pins Kennedy for the 3 count at 14:24. Kennedy laid there for a while.   Jeff gets rammed into the post by Viscera on the outside, and brings him back in. He works on HHH, and sets things up so that he can squash both. Both Jeff and HHH avoid him, and give Viscera a double DDT for three at 15:28.   Now we're down to 2 on each side, with it being Finlay and Umaga vs. Jeff and HHH. Yeah, that's an even matchup. Finlay comes in, and gives HHH a european uppercut. That's followd up with a clothesline and elbowdrop, but Finlay misses a jump off the top, eating boot. Jeff tags in, and gives Finlay the seated dropkick in the corner for 2, but Umaga gives Jeff a big foot to the face on the ring apron. Inside, Finlay clotheslines Jeff for 2, but Jeff counters an Irish whip with a WHISPER IN THE WIND. After a Jeff enziguri, HHH tags in. High knee for Finlay, spinebuster, PEDIGREE and Finlay's gone at 21:17. Umaga comes in, takes HHH to the corner, and misses the running ass-to-face. HHH gives him the PEDIGREE, and tags Jeff in for the SWANTON BOMB, getting the three count and the victory at 22:09.   Survivors: Jeff Hardy and Triple H.   Match Analysis: The match slowed down when we got to 2 on 2. That sucked. Before that, the match was **** quality. As it was, I'll give it ***1/4. In hindsight, is this the match that jumpstarted Jeff's mini-push? I'd say no, judging from crowd reaction. The fans weren't as amped about this as they were when he beat HHH at Armageddon. ___________________   You know, Shaq's in the crowd. Too bad he doesn't play for the Heat anymore.   Regal and Coach are still with the midget, Vince McMahon comes in, and tells Hornswoggle he has a reputation to uphold. ___________________   Now, we have the match, Hornswoggle vs. the Great Khali. Shane McMahon comes out for some reason, to no crowd reaction. Well, that went well. Vince comes out too, and then, Hornswoggle. Ranjin Singh comes out with Khali, and says that this is a sanctioned match and all that. The fans chant that they want Shaq, but they're not getting it. Anyhow, Hornswoggle gives Singh green mists, beats him up, and goes under the ring to grab a shillelagh. Khali tosses it away and smacks Hornswoggle, so Finlay runs out to get Hornswoggle disqualified at 3:15. Finlay beats up Khali. Wow. This was about 3:15 too long, so in that case, I'm going to rate it -***. Brutal angle, brutal "match." ___________________   Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Title is next, and if Orton is disqualified, he loses his belt. If HBK uses Sweet Chin Music, he doesn't get another title shot at Orton for the duration of his reign. Simple? I think so.   Blow-by-blow: To start, Shawn goes to a neck vice, and continues it, until Orton tries to slam him. He can't, so Orton stomps HBK anyway. HBK chops away and shoulderblocks Orton, before going to a chinlock. To a front-facelock we go, until HBK tosses Orton out of the ring. HBK baseball-slides Orton, and follows it up with a quebrada. Haven't seen him do that in forever. Shawn tosses Orton into the ring, and comes off the top with a crossbody, although it's reversed for a 2 count. Shawn takes Orton down and applies the SHARPSHOOTER...you know why? Its been 10 years since Montreal, that's why, although this spot would've been better served being near the end of the match. Orton makes the ropes and drops Shawn neck-first otno them, and gives him a few kneedrops. Orton gives Shawn an elevated DDT for 2, and he goes to the chinlock. After 10 minutes this has been slow, but still, good. So far, anyway. Shawn powers out and chops away, before following it up with the flying forearm, and kip-up. He gives Orton an inverted atomic drop, but Orton responds with a dropkick for 2. Shawn rolls Orton up for two, and slams him twice, before heading up top. Shawn comes down with a flying elbow, and he TUNES UP THE BAND FOR SWEET CHIN MUSIC. Oh wait, he knows he'll get DQ'd, so he cradles Orton for 2. Crowd really liked that. Orton reverses a Shawn roll-up for two, so Shawn replies by putting him in the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! That move elicits a strange reaction, but Orton makes the ropes. Orton rolls through a crossface attempt, and clotheslines Shawn for a 2 count. Orton gives him the 3.0 backbreaker, and gets ready for the RKO...but he decides to kick Shawn instead. Shawn catches the punt attempt and goes for the ANKLE LOCK, he gets it, and applies the HEEL HOOK as well. Should be death...but it ain't. Orton makes the ropes, so Shawn tries to apply the FIGURE-FOUR, but Orton kicks him into the ringpost. He goes for the RKO, but Shawn counters...and goes for SWEET CHIN MUSIC. In mid-move he realizes he can't do that, so Orton gives him the RKO for the victory at 17:48.   Match Analysis: I didn't think it was as good as Cyber Sunday, simply because it didn't quite pick up from the start. An enjoyable **3/4 match, but nothing you'd remember for longer than a few days. ___________________   The main event is The Undertaker vs. Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship in a Hell in a Cell, but first, there's a Saveus.22 promo, cause he'll be there tomorrow.   Blow-by-blow: I hate when the Champion enters first. Hate, hate, hate. The cell is a lot taller than it used to be, which is the easiest thing to notice, visually speaking. They lock-up, and when shot into the ropes, Batista gives Taker a shoulderblock. Taker comes back with some punches and goes for the chokeslam, but instead he clotheslines Batista for 2. He gives Batista an elbowdrop and takes him to the buckle, for SNAKE EYES. The big boot follows for 2, and seeing as it only got two, Taker's pissed. He goes to grab a chair, and when bringing it in, Batista spears him. Batista grabs the chair, but Taker boots it into his face, and clotheslines him for a 2 count. To the outside, and Taker rams Batista into the steel steps. He grates Batista's face along the fencing of the cell, and gives him the apron legdrop. Taker puts a chair on Batista's throat, and rams it into the steel steps, driving the chair into his throat. Batista bites the blood capsule, as Taker chokes him with his boot, and rams the chair into Batista's chest. Back in and the cover gets two...so Taker goes for OLD SCHOOL. Batista catches him and gives him a spinebuster, and they slug it out afterward, ending in a Batista clothesline for a 2 count. Batista clotheslines Taker and powerslams him, which gets a 3 count. Outside, Batista whips Taker into the cell and clotheslines him, and then he torpedo launches Taker into the cell. You know, JBL is an awful commentator. Taker hits Batista in the head with a chair, so now Batista is bleeding. On the inside we get a cover for 2, and Taker goes for OLD SCHOOL AGAIN, but Batista crotches him and superplexes him. Batista goes for the cover, but Taker applies the TRIANGLE CHOKE. Batista makes it to the ropes and bails to the outside, so Taker dives onto him. Taker grabs the steel stemps, but Batista kicks them away and rams him into the post. Batista hits Taker with the steps, and Taker does a lazy bladejob. You can see the guy swiping at his forehead...it looked ridiculous. Anyway, Taker's bleeding pretty bad, and when brought back in, Batista takes Taker to the corner for a 10 punch. Taker comes out with a LAST RIDE, and from being a fresh spot at WM 17, I think I've seen it about 20 times on 24/7 over the past few months. I hate it now. The cover only gets two, and Taker follows it up with a CHOKESLAM, but that only gets 2. Taker tries a TOMBSTONE, but Batista counters and gives him a spinebuster. This is the good stuff. The cover only gets 2, so Batista goes outside to get...a TABLE. Hell yeah. He BATISTA BOMBS Taker through it, and that gets a 2 count. Batista goes to grab the bottom of the steps from the outside, and on a BATISTA BOMB attempt, Taker backdrops him onto them for a 2 count. A TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER also can only get a 2 count, but a TOMBSTONE on the STEEL STEPS does the job. Batista would've been down for three, but EDGE (to no surprise, although making his return) comes out from under the ring and pulls the referee to the outside. He clocks Taker in the head with a TV camera, and grabs the bottom of the steps that are currently in the ring. He gives Taker a con-chair-to using those steps as the 2nde, and puts Batista on top of Taker, giving Batista the pinfall victory at 21:25. No DQ, so the ref had to count. After the match, Edge hits Taker in the head with a chair, and that's the end of the show.   Match Analysis: Hell of a match...with great use of interference. I don't understand how these two slugs always have good matches, but they do. Hell, I think these two have had the best hoss vs. hoss matches that have taken place in the WWF/E. I'm going to rate it ***3/4. Worth watching. It was better than the match at Cyber Sunday, but I have a hard time giving it ****. 90% of all other hoss matches are shit, so...this is a rarity. ___________________   Rating: Good. There were four matches near the *** mark, so that's good. Plus, Hell in a Cell was very memorable.   Best Segment: Hell in a Cell.   Worst Segment: Hornswoggle vs. Khali. You know, I didn't know if something would top the Diva match, but this certainly did, in the worst way imaginable. ___________________   I'll have a Saturday Night's Main Event review up next. The one that'll be up on 24/7 is SNME #5.
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Review: WWF Royal Rumble 2002, from Atlanta, Georgia, 1/20/2002.

It's time to Rumble. It's time for the ROYAL RUMBLE!!! Sorry for the early 90's-ish reference. ___________________   The opening video is great, and showcases part Royal Rumble victories...   And our first match is the Dudley Boyz w/Stacy Keibler vs. Spike Dudley and Tazz for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   Blow-by-blow: Ha, WWF New York. That's funny. Yeah, they showed it at the beginning of the show. I love Tazz's entrance, but the Dudleys attack him during it. They back suplex Taz on the floor, and do the same to Spike Dudley in the ring. Bubba gives Spike a neckbreaker, and takes off Spike's neckbrace. See, they 3D'd Spike on concrete at some point before this PPV. Bubba gives Spike another neckbreaker, and a suplex. D-Von tags in, and gives Spike a necksnap, then tags Bubba back in. Bubba gives Spike a WWE-ized brainbuster, and when he tries it again, Spike reverses it and gives him a DUDLEY DOG. Tazz comes in, but the referee never saw the tag. In the meanwhile, the Dudleys give Spike a GIANT FLAPJACK. Wow. D-Von goes to the top and misses a flying headbutt, so Bubba comes in, to cheat. Bubba and D-Von charge at Spike, but they clothesline each other, giving Tazz room to tag in. Clotheslines for all, belly-to-belly suplexes and t-bone suplexes for all, and a northern lights suplex for D-Von, which gets 2. Spike comes off the top rope with a crossbody, and he gives Bubba a DUDLEY DOG. Stacy Keibler gets on the apron to distract, but Tazz applies a TAZZMISSION. Bubba rams into Tazz which knocks Stacy off the apron, and Spike tries to give D-Von a DUDLEY DOG. D-Von dumps Spike to the outside during the move, but Tazz applies the TAZZMISSION, which causes D-Von to tap out at 5:05.   Match Analysis: That was a really good opening tag. It was short, but still, it was good. The unlikely title run by Spike and Tazz was fun, too. **1/4. ___________________   The next match is William Regal vs. Edge for the Intercontinental Title, but first, there are a few things to take note of. Edge cut a promo on Regal, but before that, we saw the history, which was basically Regal hitting Edge with brass knuckles and Edge laying him out with a chair on the Smackdown which occured a few days later.   Blow-by-blow: The referee is looking for weapons, and he found brass knuckles in Regal's trunks. Way to go. Edge attacks Regal at the beginning of the match, and backdrops him. Edge stomps away, and gives him the boot choke prior to ramming Regal's face into the mat, twice. Regal comes back with a few knees to the gut, but Edge backslides him for a 2 count. Regal rakes away at Edge's face, but Edge gives him an enziguri. Regal gives Edge a half-nelson suplex, for a 2 count...I always found it funny how WWE was so strictly against headdrops, but Regal used that. Weird. Anyway, Regal applies a cross armed choke, but gets backdropped when Edge makes it to his feet. Regal gives Edge a double-underhook powerbomb for a 2 count, and places Edge on the ring apron. Edge reverses Regal's attempted hold, and gives Regal a nice looking DDT, on the ring apron. Both men collide in the ring, and Edge gives Regal a spinning heel kick after a short rest. Regal gives Edge another half-nelson suplex, but Edge clotheslines him for 2. After a few left hands, we have a REGAL STRETCH...but Edge makes it to the ropes. That means that we get an EDGE STRETCH, but Regal also makes the ropes. Edge dropkicks Regal and rolls him up for 2, before going to the top rope. Regal knocks him down and tries a HUGE double-underhook suplex, but Edge comes off the top with a spinning heel kick. Regal grabs the brass knuckles out of his trunks, and Edge accidentally spears the referee. Regal runs over and clocks Edge, and after about a minute, the eventual cover gets a 3 count, at 9:46. The crowd hates it, and so does Michael Cole. That's why he goes over to Regal for an interview. Regal talks about his gifted left hand, and the power of the punch. Edge stays down during the whole interview, at least until a parade of officials is able to revive him. At least we have a new champion.   Match Analysis: I don't think these two have very good chemistry. Started out shaky, but definitely picked up. Not great, though. **1/2. ___________________   On Smackdown, Jazz attacked Trish Stratus, shutting her hand inside of a chest. So that means Jazz will challenge Trish for her Women's Title, you see. Jackie is the special referee...I have no idea why.   Blow-by-blow: This should be very short. Jazz attacks Trish, and gives her a big splash for a 2 count. Trish fights back and sunset flips Jazz for 2, which leads to a big "pin each other all around the ring" sequence. I like when that happens. Jazz drops Trish throat-first along the top rope, and legdrops her for a 2 count. Jazz wrenches away at Trish's hand, and she begins to argue with Jackie. That's real smart. Trish rolls Jazz up, but Jazz reverses it for a SLOW 2 count. Because Jazz and Jackie were arguing, see. Trish gives Jazz a jawbreaker, but Jazz throws her off during a DDT attempt. Jazz tries a back suplex, but Trish counters and gives her STRATUSFACTION. The cover gets 2, as does the cover after a Jazz DDT. Jazz misses a charge to the corner, and that gives Trish the opening to give her a bulldog, getting the pinfall win at 3:43.   Match Analysis: Not the best match, but these never are. At least it was short. *. ___________________   The next match is a street fight, featuring Ric Flair, who's taking on Vince McMahon.   Blow-by-blow: Before the match, there's a video package, of course. I liked this angle, just because it was Flair's return to action. Counting WCW, he hadn't been involved in anything that made sense for years. They lock-up, and Vince pushes Flair to the ground, Hogan style. He poses and all that, and shoulderblocks Flair. Vince struts, mocking Flair, but Flair takes him down to the canvas. Flair chops away after being mocked again, but Vince rakes the eyes. Vince tosses Flair into the buckle, but Flair isn't able to make it over with the flip, so he gets on the apron and Vince clotheslines him out. Vince grabs a "Keep Off" sign from the guardrail near the entrance, and he wallops Flair upside the head with it. Vince rams him into the guardrail, and goes to grab a trash can, which he hits Flair with. Flair's bleeding now, so Vince rams him into the ringpost and then the steel steps. Vince slams Flair on the outside, and goes over towards Flair's daughter. He grabs her camera, and takes a picture of he and a bloody Flair. How sweet. Back in the ring we go, and Vince begins to work on the knee. He rams FLair's leg into the apron and the post after some prior legwork, which brings him to apply the FIGURE-FOUR! The hold lasts for a while, until Flair reverses it. Vince makes the ropes, and goes to the outside to grab a lead pipe that he used to attack Flair on Smackdown. Flair gives him a lowblow, and knocks Vince out of the ring. Flair gets a television monitor, and he hits Vince in the head with it, causing him to bleed. We go back to the chops and over to Flair's family, where his daughter takes a picture of him biting Vince. Flair lowblows Vince inside the ring, hits him with the lead pipe, and applies the FIGURE-FOUR for the submission at 14:54.   Match Analysis: Better than I thought it would be, but that's not to say it was great. **1/4. ___________________   Nick Patrick is with Michael Cole, for some reason, Stephanie McMahon shows up. She says that HHH will kick everyone's ass, and rambles a bit about the uselessness of Debra. STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD heard that, and makes his way over. WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT, and Stephanie runs away. Stone Cold will win the Rumble. How do you feel about...WHAT? Sorry, I love that. ___________________   We quickly segue to THE ROCK vs. Chris Jericho for the Undisputed Title...I said quickly because there was no video package or prior buildup throughout the show.   Blow-by-blow: Jericho's Undisputed Title run meant absolutely nothing. IMO, it was always treated as a joke, plus, look how he won his important matches. Jericho tells Rock to JUST BRING IT at the beginning of the match, and well, the Rock does. He gives Jericho a back elbow and samoan drop to start, which gets a 2 count. Jericho bails to the outside, but Rock chases him back into the ring, where he spears Jericho. Jericho clotheslines Rock, but misses a charge to the corner. so Rock rams his face into the mat. Rock charges at Jericho, but Jericho drops him throat-first along the top rope. Rock comes back with (haha) a back elbow, but Jericho counters with a spinning heel kick for 2. Jericho gives Rock a suplex, and the COME ON BABY pin for a 2 count. I liked that. Jericho takes a turnbuckle pad off one of the turnbuckles, and goes for the WALLS OF JERICHO. Rock pushes Jericho away, but Jericho replies with a seated dropkick. Jericho comes off the top with a missile dropkick for 2, and he goes to the chinlock. A long chinlock. Rock fights his way out, but Jericho gives him a back elbow, prior to going up top. Rock crotches him, and gives him a superplex. Rock comes back with a belly-to-belly suplex for a 2 count, but Jericho responds with a bulldog and two LIONSAULTS. That only gets a 2 count, so Jericho pushes Earl Hebner. Hebner pushes back, so Jericho gives up on that fight. Jericho goes up to the 2nd rope, but Rock catches him on the way down and applies the SHARPSHOOTER. Lance Storm runs down to the ring to distract the referee, but Rock knocks him off the apron. Christian comes out of the crowd and tries to hit Rock with one of Jericho's title belts, but he misses and gets tossed out by Rock. Jericho gives Rock a ROCK BOTTOM, but that only gets a 2 count. Jericho gives Rock a senton, and then goes for a JERICHO ELBOW. Rock kips up, and tosses Jericho over the top rope. Hey, there will be a lot of that in the next match. Rock rams Jericho into the steel steps, and tears apart the announce table. Jericho rams Rock into the table, and tears apart the Spanish Announce Table. Jericho tries to give him a ROCK BOTTOM on it, but Rock counters and gives Jericho the ROCK BOTTOM, onto the English Announce Table. Back in, the Rock covers Jericho, but it only gets a 2 count. Rock goes for the ROCK BOTTOM, but Jericho fights him off and applies the WALLS OF JERICHO. Rock makes it to the ropes, and rolls Jericho up for a 2 count. Jericho accidentally forearms Hebner, and goes to grab a title belt. He hits Rock with the title belt, and Nick Patrick runs down to make the 2 count. Rock DDT's Jericho, but Patrick won't count. What the fuck sense does that make? This is overbooking central right here. Rock gives Nick Patrick a ROCK BOTTOM, then gives Jericho a spinebuster. Time for the PEOPLE'S ELBOW, but there's no referee. Rock wakes up Hebner, but Jericho lowblows Rock and rams him into the exposed turnbuckle, which allows Jericho to roll up Rock while putting his feet on the ropes for the 3 count at 18:50.   Match Analysis: You see, this is a prime example of how to make your champion look like shit. Way too much WCW type shit going on in this one. We'll knock off 1/4* for each instance of excess booking. Christian...Lance Storm...rope pin and exposed buckle (isn't one of those enough?)...non-counting referee, and the first belt shot. I think that's it, as the table spots are pretty much standard fare at this point. I would've given this ****1/4 without the excess. 5 instances of excess bring this one down to ***. Not very hard to bring the rating down, I don't feel guilty about it. ___________________   Shawn Michaels is with us from WWF New York...he looks drugged out of his mind. ___________________   It's time for the ROYAL RUMBLE. Winner goes to WrestleMania, yeah yeah yeah   Blow-by-blow: #1 is Rikishi. Boo. #2 is a returning GOLDUST. Yay! Wish he had never left the WWF in the first place, although him leaving gave us a lot of Seven bullshit in WCW. If you don't know what that is, just wait until you'll be able to see it on 24/7. #3 is the Big Bossman. Damn, he's looking old then, too. #4 is Bradshaw. If you aren't familiar with how I do these, basically I ramble, cover eliminations and entrances, and that's it. Unless something else happens. I thought Bradshaw would clothesline everyone, but he didn't. Instead, we were treated to Rikishi giving Bossman a stinkface. Rikishi eliminates Bossman at 5:25 after a clothesline, and #5 is Lance Storm. There's a dead period before the #6 entrant, Al Snow. Hey. Bradshaw gives Storm the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL, and #7 is Billy Gunn. Snow and Storm begin to fight on the ring apron, and Snow kicks Storm out, at 11:03. Like I said, there was a dead period. Billy tosses out Bradshaw when he was trying to eliminate Goldust, at 11:31, and then, here comes the Deadman, entering at #8. He chokeslams Goldust over the top and to the floor at 13:01, and clotheslines Rikishi out of the Rumble at 13:39. Gunn goes out soon after at 13:46, leaving Taker all by himself. #9 is a returning Matt Hardy, who runs right into the ring and along with Lita, stomps on the Undertaker. #10 is Jeff Hardy (saw that one coming), and once he comes out, they both hit their finishers on Taker. Jeff goes for Poetry in Motion, but Taker catches him and dumps him out at 18:22. Matt gets tossed over the top after a LAST RIDE at 18:53...and #11 is MAVEN. Yes. We all know what happens. Maven dropkicks Taker out at around 20 minutes or so, so Taker beats his ass. Taker gives him a chairshot and blades Maven's forehead (yes, it was that obvious), and #12 is Scotty 2 Hotty. Well, Taker knocks him out, and brings Maven back into the ring, and throws him over the top rope at around 23 minutes. #13 is Christian, who just fights during this assbeating that Taker has laid upon Maven. Of course, Taker takes him up the stairs, and tosses him through a POPCORN MACHINE. Man, that's still funny, even today. Christian's in the ring posing with his European Championship, until DDP enters at #14. I liked DDP's WWF run, which puts me in the minority for sure. Scotty gives Christian the WORM, and then he gets tossed by DDP at 28:28. Chuck Palumbo is #15...good God, get a haircut. That's the worst hair I've ever seen in wrestling. #16 is the Godfather, and during his entrance, Christian eliminates DDP. Godfather's entrance is super long, HO TRAIN and all that; as soon as it's over, #17, Albert makes his way to the ring. There have been WAY too many jobbers in this match. Ridiculous. Chuck and Christian toss Albert at 34:00, and they both clothesline Godfather over the top at 34:42. #18 is Perry Saturn. For fuck's sake, spare me. #19 is Steve Austin, who cleans house. Christian goes out at 37:44, Chuck goes out at 37:58, and Saturn goes out at 38:04. Austin looks at his "watch," and there's a lot of time left before the next entrant. So he brings Christian in, beats his ass, and tosses him back out. #20 is Val Venis. What is this, 1999? Going along with that thought, #21 is Test. Austin clotheslines Venis over the top at 43:07, and does the same to Test at 43:19. For #22, IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME OMG RETURNING SUPERSTAR TRIPLE H. Seeing as Austin and HHH are the only guys in the ring, I got the thought that it's really odd these two never faced each other at WrestleMania. Of course, they fight, at least until the HURRICANE comes in at #23. He wants to be like Mike, so he tries to chokeslam both Austin and HHH at the same time. Not gonna happen. Austin and HHH toss him out at 48:05, and #24 is Faarooq. Jobber after jobber after jobber. While this hasn't been super boring, it's been boring. At this point, I can name each person who will enter the Rumble, although not in order. HHH knocks Faarooq over the top at 49:36, and #25 is a returning MR. PERFECT. A mark-out moment for sure. This is his first Rumble since 1993, btw. Long interval there. #26 is Kurt Angle...Angle vs. Perfect in their primes would've rocked. #27 is the Big Show, who chokeslams Angle and Perfect. #28 is Kane, who bodyslams Show over the top at 58:19. Yes, he did. Angle gives Kane the ANGLE SLAM to put him over the top at 58:34, and #29 is RVD. About 30 seconds after he comes in, HHH PEDIGREES him. #30 is Booker T, as RVD is still lying on the canvas. Booker T just picks him up and throws him out at 1:01:39...man, he really was made to look like a bitch just like people said. That was a burial. Austin gives Booker T a STONE COLD STUNNER, which sends him over the top at 1:02:03, and we're down to our Final Four. It's Austin, Angle, Mr. Perfect and HHH. Angle gives Austin multiple german suplexes, but he can't get rid of him. Eventually he does at 1:04:10, and we're down to three. Austin comes back in with a chair, hits everyone with it, and leaves. Perfect and Angle fight, and Perfect gives him the PERFECT PLEX! HHH clotheslines Perfect over the top rope at 1:07:04, and we're down to Angle and HHH. By this point it was obvious would would win. Angle tosses HHH over the top rope, HHH sneaks in, and clotheslines Angle over the top rope for the win at 1:09:19. HHH IS GOIN TO WRESTLEMANIA BY GOD HEALED TORN QUAD. The end.   Match Analysis: That wasn't the best Rumble I've seen. Honestly, it's one of the worst. **3/4. Whoever thought HHH vs. Jericho would be a main event worth watching needs to be slapped. That was an idiotic decision. That's one of those matches where you have absolutely no doubt as to who's going to win. No doubt at all. ___________________   Rating: Decent. Not the worst show, but not enough good stuff to rate the show higher. Jericho/Rock was a gigantic disappointment, namely because of the booking. The Rumble was boring, although still ok. The rest was good to watch. Standard fare show.   Best Segment: Austin's promo about winning the Rumble.   Worst Segment: Jazz/Trish. It just wasn't very good. ___________________   I'll put up the Monday Night RAW review from 6/9/97 tomorrow, because those are super easy to type up. For the arena shows like the stuff from MSG they show, starting next month, I'll just post one big review at the end of the month containing tidbits from all the shows. I can't just ignore the MSG shows, some are quality, some aren't, and they're all worth talking about.
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Review: Monday Night RAW and WCW Monday Nitro from 6/2/97.

Nitro is from Dayton, Ohio. Had to get that out of the way. ___________________   The NWO comes to the ring, in this case, that means Syxx and Scott Hall. For a promo, you know. Well, JJ Dillon comes out, and says that Scott Hall MUST face Ric Flair tonight. If Hall doesn't face Flair, he and Nash have to vacate their tag titles, so really, Hall has no choice. He accepts. ___________________   Intro to Nitro and all that, which brings us to Alex Wright vs. Glacier.   - It's Glacier's first match since Slamboree, unfortunately, there's a whole lot of spot miscommunication. In a match that only lasts 1:38, that knocks it down to a DUD. Glacier finished it with the CRYONIC KICK, so now, James Vandenberg comes to the ring, to distract Glacier from the sneak attack of Mortis and Wrath. They attack, but Glacier fended them all off, after Mortis accidentally kicked an eager Wright. Wright wanted to join in, see. ___________________   Our next match, featuring someone who hasn't wrestled on this program since I got 24/7, is Buff Bagwell w/Scott Norton vs. Joe Gomez.   - In a split-screen prior to the match, Buff and Norton talk about NWO in Japan and all that. Buff Blockbuster (awesome move) finishes at 3:07. *1/4.   WCW Saturday Night ad follows, and Mike Tenay is in the crowd, giving us information about Ernest Miller. If only this never happened... ___________________   Hugh Morrus is scheduled to face Prince Iaukea, but before the match, Konnan attacks Morrus at the entranceway. Morrus is dazed, but the match will go on.   - Wow, they blew the finish. Iaukea was supposed to slide under Morrus and roll him up, but Iaukea ran right into Morrus' leg. They do it again, and Iaukea rolls him up for the win at :47. You know what, you get -* for fucking up the only thing that was supposed to happen in the match. ONLY THING. That finish exposed the business so bad that my MENTALLY HANDICAPPED cousin asked me if wrestling was fake. Naturally, I told him no, otherwise, he'd try to do wrestling moves on his brother. Don't want any part of that. ___________________   JJ Dillon is with Mean Gene, because he's looking for a future #1 contending tag team. See, he says that the Steiners will be #1 contenders, if they win tonight. If. They'll face the winner of Piper/Flair vs. the Outsiders, I believe. Harlem Heat come out, and they're pissed.   DDP video, from when he was a jobber, to now. Great American Bash hype and all that, he's facing Randy Savage again. ___________________   The next match is the Steiner Brothers vs. Masahiro Chono and the Great Muta.   - This is a dream match, although it won't work out the way it should. Not that much happened at the beginning, but the crowd was in the palm of their hands. After the heat segment, Chono accidentally gives Muta a YAKUZA KICK! Harlem Heat come to the ring and attack Rick Steiner with a chair, and that allows Muta to pin Rick for the 3 count at 8:53. This was one of those matches you kinda need to see, just because. **3/4. JJ Dillon comes to the ring, and announces that this match is up for review. Harlem Heat have a match later, as well.   Hour #2 starts, and Mean Gene is with Ric Flair. Flair cuts an insane promo on Hall, and storms off. This was nuts, even for Flair. ___________________   Michael Wallstreet is up against Dean Malenko for the US Title...   - Nick Patrick is a referee, so we're going to have some friction between he and Wallstreet. I absolutely cannot stand this angle. There's some good action in here, but I'm kinda bothered with how I know this match is going to end. Anyway, Jeff Jarrett tried some interference, but it didn't help. Malenko applies the TEXAS CLOVERLEAF, and Patrick stands in front of Wallstreet so that he cannot reach the bottom rope in order to break the hold. Wallstreet submits at 6:22, **.   After the match, Mean Gene is with Jarrett and Debra. Jarrett is going to face Malenko next week in Boston, and for some reason, Mongo comes out and says that he wants to know when Jarrett comes to the ring. Then he cuts a bad promo on Kevin Greene that I don't care about. ___________________   We get to the Harlem Heat match, as they're facing Ciclope and Damien.   - Ciclope has the best getup of any luchador. For real. Barbarian's supposed to face Chris Benoit later, but it wasn't shown.   - The Steiners come to ringside and hit Booker T with a chair, before tossing him back into the ring, where Damien comes off the top with a big splash for 3 at 3:31. *. Now that's an upset. ___________________   Like I said, Benoit/Barbarian was skipped, so now, it's time for the main event, that being Ric Flair vs. Scott Hall w/Syxx.   - There's a whole lot of Syxx interference, but I don't have a problem with it. Flair did this little thing where he Flair Flipped onto the apron and jumped onto Syxx, who was on the floor. That was cool. This was a nice little TV main event, until Hall hit Flair with his title belt at 7:49, getting himself disqualified. **3/4. Hall and Syxx continually attack Syxx, until Jarrett and Mongo save him from the attack. Good match. ___________________   Some NWO members are coming to the ring, this time, it's Randy Savage and Elizabeth. Savage takes Mean Gene hostage, and tells him to come along with him to the ring. Macho says that he's the best ever, which causes JJ Dillon to make ANOTHER appearance. Dillon tells Savage not to put his hands on announcers, so Savage attacks him. Bischoff comes to the ring to make Savage stop, and Bischoff tells Dillon that he deserves it, seeing as he kept running his mouth. That's the end of the show. ___________________   Stupid ending to a good show. Two DUD's, but two pretty good matches as well. Best segment was Hall/Flair, and the worst was Morrus/Iaukea. Nitro is less of a program because Syxx is holding the Cruiserweight Title and not defending it. That's just my opinion. ___________________   RAW is from Huntington, West Virginia this week. Expect huge reactions for Steve Austin. ___________________   To begin the show, the Undertaker makes his way to the ring, for an interview with Vince McMahon. Taker says that he pretty much had to join Paul Bearer. He then runs down Paul Bearer, to the point where Bearer makes his way to the ring. Bearer says that he will RULE THE WORLD, so you just know that Psycho Sid will have something to say about that. Sid trashes Bearer for joining up with Bearer, and wants his rematch, that he never received after WrestleMania. Taker accepts, and Faarooq has something to say about that. This time next week, he says he'll be the Champion. Sure. ___________________   Ahmed Johnson faces Faarooq now...   - Before the match, there's a hype video, seeing as this is a long-running feud, and all. The Nation was sent away from the ring, but they came back anyway.   - At the end, Taker whips Faarooq into Ahmed, who rams his own head into the steel steps. Faarooq throws Ahmed in, and pins him for the 3 count at 3:09. *3/4. Surprisingly good. After the match, Taker chokeslammed Ahmed, cause he pushed him. He shouldn't have done that. ___________________   The Hart Foundation is in the ring with Vince, and HBK and Austin are on the TitanTron. Because Austin attacked Bret, Bret can't wrestle at King of the Ring. HBK's really pissed off at Austin, so he goes off to fight him. They argue instead, as the Harts are planning something. They want Austin to face HBK at King of the Ring, and on next week's show, Austin will face Brian Pillman. ___________________   The next match was Bob Holly vs. Owen Hart w/the Hart Foundation for the Intercontinental Title.   - This was competitive, while it lasted. Honestly, they tore the house down for 3:17. The SHARPSHOOTER finished things up, so Owen retained his title. **1/4.   HBK says that he'll face Austin at King of the Ring...and later, we get to see more of the Mick Foley interview. YES! ___________________   In another singles match, we have Goldust w/Marlena taking on HHH w/Chyna.   - They're really digging into the old feud vault here. There were some highlights before the match, typically.   - Goldust's face paint is BIZARRE. HHH accidentally knees Chyna in the back, which gives Goldust the distraction he needs to roll HHH up for 3 at 3:48. *1/4. Hopefully that feud's done. ___________________   Before this match, the Legion of Doom cut a promo. Typical LOD promo, Hawk blabbering and all that.   So yeah, it's the Legion of Doom vs. HBK and Steve Austin for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   - The Warzone has begun, and judging by the initial reaction, HBK is the heel. Like I said, these people love their STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD. There's a commercial break...   - Back from the break, Austin and HBK duck out to confront the Hart Foundation at ringside, but they wind up fighting each other instead. That gets them counted out at 7:05 (shown). HBK gets the better of the brawl, but as for the match itself, the champions pulled out all their little tricks in order to have a good match. And it worked...**1/2. ___________________   Jerry Lawler is on commentary for this Mankind vs. Savio Vega in the first round of King of the Ring match, but first, we get to see part 3 of the Mankind interview. He talks about the deathmatch tournament in Japan, mostly.   - Mankind's sorta in-between. The adult males are cheering him, but otherwise, no. When he attacked Jerry Lawler, he won some of them over. Crush accidentally punched Savio Vega, so Mankind was able to pin Vega for the win at 3:02. Crush and Vega argue after the match, in somewhat of a precursor to GANG WARS. *1/2. ___________________   So, the King of the Ring card is shaping up like this. Undertaker vs. Faarooq for the WWF Title, Mankind vs. Jerry Lawler and Ahmed Johnson vs. HHH in King of the Ring action, LOD and Sid vs. Owen Hart, the British Bulldog and Jim Neidhart, and Austin vs. HBK. I think that's it, as for what was advertised. ___________________   Psycho Sid vs. Undertaker w/Paul Bearer in a non-title match is both the main event and our "WrestleMania rematch..."   - I don't get the non-title part. I never do. JR makes a reference to Sid and softball, which had me laughing for a bit. This was better than the WrestleMania match, which isn't to say a whole lot at all. The TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER finishes at 4:46, 1/2*. So yeah, they basically buried Sid for no-showing a few months back. He got only a little offense. The Nation of Domination attacks, but Sid tries to fend them off. He can't, and the Nation beats both Sid and Taker to end the show. ___________________   I suppose RAW was good. That said, for once, I think Nitro was better. More matches of length, but not only that, there wasn't any of that stupid Paul Bearer stuff that's beginning to get on my nerves. The best segment on RAW was LOD vs. Austin/HBK, and the worst was LOD's promo. I've never been able to understand what they're trying to say. ___________________   Things are going to change. I'm done reviewing current shows, because I don't have the time. I'll stick to PPV's, old RAW's and Nitro's, SNME's, Clash shows, and anything else like that, such as Coliseum Video's or overseas programs like European Rampage '91. So yeah, random thoughts are dead, although I'm keeping the review style for the MNW program. Doing it this way gives me more time to write things, which is better for me. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop writing about these programs. I could always put in a paragraph if something catches my eye. I'll have a Royal Rumble '02 review up soon.
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Review: WWF St. Valentine's Day Massacre, from Memphis, Tennessee, 2/14/1999.

I wasn't able to watch RAW on Monday, and I wasn't able to watch ECW, nor am I going to be able to watch Smackdown this Friday. So, to fill this space, I figured I could put something good up. ___________________   The opening video to this event is great...haven't seen this one in 4 or 5 years, I think. Michael Cole is on commentary with Jerry Lawler...oh no. Rock vs. Mankind and Austin vs. McMahon. OMG! ___________________   The first match on the card is Goldust vs. Bluedust.   Blow-by-blow: Bluedust = Blue Meanie. The backstory is ridiculous, I can't really get into it without wasting space. Goldust starts the match with a spinebuster, and punches away at Bluedust, who bails to the outside after a clothesline. Goldust goes to grab him after a stall, but Bluedust gains control and humps Goldust's leg during a spinning toehold inside the ring. Goldust kicks him away, and pulls up Bluedust's outfit so that his ass shows. Thanks for that. Goldust goes for SHATTERED DREAMS, but that misses. Bluedust goes up top and misses a moonsault, which gives Goldust the opening for a CURTAIN CALL, which also gets the three count at 3:08. After the match, Goldust gives Bluedust SHATTERED DREAMS.   Match Analysis: Usually, I'd just DUD this. But it's offensive, so -*. Self explanatory, isn't it? One of those things that makes me embarassed to be watching this, at that.   On Sunday Night Heat, Vince McMahon called Steve Austin to the ring and spat on him. What a fellow. ___________________   The next match is Al Snow w/Head vs. Bob Holly for the vacant WWF Hardcore Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Man, I miss this belt. Snow attacks at the beginning of the match, and tosses Holly over the top rope. Say goodbye to the ring, cause that's the last you'll see it during this match. I can't believe that Bob Holly still has this "tough-guy, rah rah rah I'm hardcore" gimmick after all this time. Hell, I didn't even think he'd be around 3 years later. They brawl through the crowd, and Holly slams Snow on some stairs as they go toward the back of the arena. Holly extinguishes Snow's head, and he hits Snow over the head with a glass cup. Snow extinguishes Holly, but Holly hits Snow with one of those, watch out for the wet floor signs. Holly hits Snow with a garbage can, but Snow comes back and hits Holly with a telephone. Snow then throws a garbage can at Holly, but Holly grabs a few floor tiles and breaks them over Snow's head. Holly hits Snow with a beer cooler, and with a pan. Snow gains control, and breaks some mops over the back of Holly. Perry Saturn cries. They're outside, where Snow covers Holly for a 2 count. Snow rams Holly into a production truck, but Holly grabs a "no parking" sign and hits Snow with it. They inch closer and closer to the river, but before they get down there, a whole lot of stuff happens. Snow rams Holly into a concrete wall, but Holly makes a comeback and rams him into steel fencing. Snow returns the favor, and chokes Holly with barbed wire. For some reason, there's a stop sign lying around in the brush near the river, so Holly picks it up and clobbers Snow with it. They're at the river now, where Bob Holly moves a wheelbarrow. WHAT? Holly rams Snow into a tree, and hits him with some object that was hanging from said tree. Snow chokes Holly, which allows him to toss Holly into the frigid Mississippi River. Man, I loved watching this when I was younger. Holly slams Snow into the water when Snow charges at him, and hits him with a tire. Snow comes back with a shoe to the face of Holly (yes, they find all this stuff on the ground), and grabs a rolled up section of steel fencing. He opens it up, but Holly hits him with a stick in the back, and wraps Snow up in the fencing, which allows him to gain a pinfall for the victory at 9:58. The fencing kept Snow from kicking out, so Bob Holly is our new Hardcore Champion. Holly goes to the ring to grab the title, as Snow is trapped outside in the freezing cold.   Match Analysis: Man, that was fun, and a reminder of what the Hardcore Title used to allow us to see. Now, I know that NOT having the Hardcore Title leads to backstage brawls and that sort of stuff being portrayed as meaning more, but honestly, I think fans would like it if they saw this sort of stuff all the time, as opposed to once or twice a year. But that's just my opinion. Anyhow, this match showed most of what was good about the Hardcore division. It also showed a lot of what was bad about it, that meaning you can only push the out-of-arena brawls so far. **1/2. The match held up, surprisingly. ___________________   Prior to our next match, WWF.com had a camera backstage with the MINISTRY OF DARKNESS. You know, four of the people in this group have been a World Champion at some point in their career? No shit. I don't count the TNA Title (or the current NWA Title) as a World Title, though. Sorry, Christian. Not that I'm saying he was a bad champion or would be a bad champion if he had it again, but if you had told me BRADSHAW would hold the WWE Title, I would've laughed at you. If you'd have told me he'd do it with a stockbroker gimmick, I'd have laughed harder. ___________________   Unfortunately, that promo leads to bigger and more terrible things. By that, I mean that Mideon is facing the Big Bossman.   Blow-by-blow: While I liked Bossman's later persona, this cannot be good. Mideon carries an eye to the ring in a jar filled with yellow liquid, honestly, I think it looks like he pissed in it. They lock-up to start, and Bossman gains control at the outset with a shoulderblock. Bossman chokes Mideon with his boot, and tells the ringside crowd to kiss his ass. Gee. Mideon clotheslines Bossman afterward, but The Guardian Angel quickly tosses Mideon over the top rope. Bossman grabs a chair to hit Mideon with, but swings and hits the ringpost instead. Mideon bites him, and rams his hand into the steel steps. Bossman gives Mideon a nice "rope-clothesline," and we go back in. Bossman chokes, and Mideon returns the favor soon after. This heel vs. heel stuff just doesn't work. Bossman grabs onto his nose to get Mideon to stop, and splashes onto him in the corner. Why is this on PPV? A gigantic "BORING" chant commences, as Bossman applies a full-nelson on Mideon. Mideon reverses the hold and gives Bossman a back suplex, for a 2 count. Bossman tries a powerbomb, but Mideon backdrops him, as they both clothesline each other in the center of the ring. Back up, and after a Mideon back elbow, we get the BOSSMAN SLAM for the win at 6:20. After the match, the Ministry makes their way to ringside. Oh no. Is this going to be a bloodbath? Well, the lights go out, and here comes the Undertaker. Bossman is down in the ring as Taker is in the aisleway, and Viscera splashes Bossman three times. Everyone except Taker and Bearer carry him to the back...we all know where this goes and how dumb it got before it ended. You can say that for every single storyline Vince Russo has ever written.   Match Analysis: Another awful match. Another awful rating, although on a different premise. DUD. I never want to see any part of this again. ___________________   Before our next match, Mark Henry, D'Lo Brown and Ivory are with Kevin Kelly, for an interview. We see a clip of Ivory arguing with Debra on Heat, which brings us to...   Mark Henry and D'Lo Brown w/ Ivory vs. Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart w/Debra for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   Blow-by-blow: Before the match, Sexual Chocolate gives Ivory a Valentine's Day present. I'll give Vince Russo some credit here, he made Mark Henry entertaining. After all this time, nobody else has figured out how to do that. Owen and Henry start, and Henry pounds away at him. He clotheslines Owen, and tags in D'Lo, who gives Owen a back elbow. Owen gives D'Lo a bulldog, and he tags in Jarrett, who dropkicks him. D'Lo powerslams Jarrett in return, and slams Owen before clotheslining both of them. Owen tries to kick D'Lo, who pushs him off the apron. That allows Jarrett to give D'Lo a single arm DDT, which causes Owen to come in, for a double team. They both clothesline D'Lo, and Owen clotheslines D'Lo at the corner, before tagging in Jarrett. Owen gives D'Lo a spinebuster, and Jarrett comes off the 2nd rope with a fistdrop for 2. Owen tries for a suplex, but D'Lo reverses it into one of his own. D'Lo goes for the tag, but Owen gives him an enziguri in order to prevent it. Jarrett tags in, and along with Owen he gives D'Lo a double back elbow for 2. Jarrett goes to a short chinlock, and when Owen tags in, he gives D'Lo a spinning heel kick for 2. Owen brings Henry in via distraction, and D'Lo comes back with a crossbody for 2. Owen charges into D'Lo shoulderfirst, and goes for a 10 punch in the corner...which gets reversed into a SKY HIGH. Jarrett and Henry tag in, but Henry misses an avalanche in the corner. D'Lo dropkicks both of his opponents, and gives Jarrett a SKY HIGH for 2. D'Lo slams Owen, and legdrops him, as Debra gets onto the ring apron. Ivory comes over to argue with her, as D'Lo separates them. While this is going on, Owen hits Henry in the knee with the GUITAR, which leads Jarrett to apply the FIGURE-FOUR, for the win at 9:34. Jarrett and Owen retain, but after the match, Ivory tries to rip Debra's clothes off. Jarrett stops that, and covers Debra up with he and Owen's tag titles.   Match Analysis: Not the best match, but better than some of the other stuff that's been on this show. *1/2. Liked the finish, even though I generally hate the guitar use...but seeing as Owen Hart won the match, yes, I like it. ___________________   Kevin Kelly is with Mankind, you see, on Heat, he was attacked by the Rock, and bludgeoned in the knee with some sort of weapon.   Before the next match, there's a Val Venis/Ken Shamrock hype video...   Obviously, that means that our next match is Val Venis w/Ryan Shamrock vs. Ken Shamrock with Billy Gunn as the guest referee, for the Intercontinental Title.   Blow-by-blow: I'd rather not talk about the Ryan Shamrock thing. Not only that, but this storyline goes the route that you'd expect it to go, that being the land of "this makes no sense." The whole Hello, Ladies thing commences, until Ken Shamrock runs out and attacks Venis. He didn't get the better of it, meaning that he was clotheslined and worked over in the corner. Val Venis takes him down with a snapmare, and Gunn counts the fall slowly, although it still gets 2. Shamrock takes Venis to the buckle, and clotheslines him, before kicking him twice in the back. Shamrock forearms Venis, on the outside of the ring, and they quickly come back in. Shamrock slams Venis, and kneedrops him after choking away. Shamrock goes for a suplex, but Venis blocks it, and gives him an inverted atomic drop. Crowd's dead, and has been all night. Look at the last PPV from Memphis I reviewed...the crowd reaction was the same. Why does WWE still run PPV's in Memphis? Venis chokes Shamrock, and elbowdrops him for a slow 2 count. VEnis gives Shamrock a double-underhook suplex, and a backbreaker submission.Venis gives up on that, and slams Shamrock into the ringpost outside the ring. Venis gives Shamrock a chinlock, and a surfboard style pinning combination for a 2 count. Val goes to a chinlock for a while, and knees Shamrock in the gut when they get up for 2. Venis drops Shamrock along the top rope, and he chokes Shamrock with his boot. Shamrock comes back with a high kick, and a DDT for a 2 count, seeing as Gunn wouldn't count. Shamrock gives Venis a back suplex during a Venis sleeperhold, and Ken follows it up with a powerslam for 2. Venis gives Shamrock a fisherman's suplex for 2, and Shamrock counters soon after with a la magistral for a 2 count. Venis gives Shamrock a russian leg sweep, and gyrates, before mounting Shamrock and punching away at him. Venis is doing everything, but there's this one little problem so far. SHAMROCK ISN'T SELLING. His face has stayed the same all bout, I'm serious. Venis goes to the top, but Shamrock slams him off and gives him a hurricanrana for a 1 count. Shamrock gives Venis a belly-to-belly suplex, and applies the ANKLE LOCK. Ryan Shamrock pulls Venis to the ropes, and Shamrock goes to the outside, to confront their sister. Shamrock is starting to GET INTO THE ZONE, so she slaps him. Billy Gunn tries to prevent things from setting off, but Shamrock pushes him. Gunn hits Shamrock and tosses him into the ring, where Venis gives him a small package (harharhar) for 3 at 15:53. We have a new Intercontinental Champion, that being Val Venis. After the match, Shamrock attacks Gunn. After Gunn gets up, he runs back to the ring and attacks Val Venis. Yippie.   Match Analysis: Needless to say, that title change didn't mean shit. With the Gunn thing, it became an after thought. Even worse, the Billy Gunn/Ken Shamrock thing was never paid off, making this all a gigantic waste of time. They blew their chance to make Gunn the IC Champ at the Royal Rumble. Too bad. Match was nothing great, and that being the fault of Ken Shamrock. *1/2. ___________________   Part two of our program is next, as is HHH and X-Pac vs. Kane and Chyna. First there's a video, because Chyna split from DX, you see.   Blow-by-blow: The full DX entrance finally gets the crowd exited, as does HHH wiping his ass with one of those Chyna Syndrome shirts and throwing it at her. Shane McMahon's on commentary, which is nice. He's a funny guy. HHH and Kane start, when HHH attacks him. Kane clotheslines HHH, but misses a charge to the corner, although he comes right back out with a clothesline. Kane misses an elbowdrop, which allows X-Pac to tag in. Or should I say, "X-Punk." Chyna comes in, and shoulderblocks X-Pac, but she misses a charge to the corner. X-Pac goes for the BRONCOBUSTER, but he misses, and Kane tags back in. He and Chyna argue, so X-Pac kicks Kane. Kane chokes him, but HHH attacks him and goes back to the corner, so he can tag in. HHH goes to the top, and clotheslines Kane, but Chyna hits him, allowing Kane to regain control. Kane slams HHH, and goes up to the top, where he clotheslines HHH. Chyna comes in, and tries a suplex on HHH, but HHH reverses it, which Chyna counters as well. Chyna slams HHH, but misses an elbow drop, allowing X-Pac to tag in. Kane tags in too, but misses a charge to the corner. HHH comes in, and DX gives Kane a double suplex. HHH slams Chyna off the top into Kane, and DX gives him a double DDT, before clotheslining him over the top rope. Kane pulls X-Pac out of the ring, and they fight, but Kane hits the ringpost on accident. X-Pac hits Shane O-Mac, and we go back into the ring. X-Pac tries a spinning heel kick, but Kane catches him and slams him to the canvas. Chyna tags in, and powerslams X-Pac for a 2 count. Kane rams X-Pac into the buckle after the tag, and clotheslines him. Chyna tags back in, and drops X-Pac, nut first onto the top rope for a 2 count. Chyna gives X-Pac a sleeper, but X-Pac back suplexes his way out of it. HHH makes the not-so-hot tag, and cleans house on Kane. HHH gives Chyna a high knee, but Kane pulls him over the top rope. X-Pac comes in during an apparent ref bump, and is finally able to give Chyna the BRONCOBUSTER! Shane comes in the ring, which causes X-Pac to chase him all the way to the back. HHH rams Kane into the steel steps, and tosses him back in, where he gives Chyna the knee-to-facebuster. HHH goes for the PEDIGREE on Chyna, but Kane chokeslams him and the ref awakens as Chyna pins HHH, for the win at 14:45.   Match Analysis: I read that Scott Keith gave this match ****. Wait a second. HAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHA . Ok, now for what I thought about it. It was good, but not anything that I'd even think of giving a great rating to. Too much excess in the finish, but more than that, the crowd didn't do anything throughout. Crowd is KILLING this show dead, but I'll still give this **. ___________________   There's an ambulance in the back, because they're putting over how brutal this match could be, and we also get a nice video package, featuring everything in this feud.   Yeah, that's right. It's THE ROCK vs. Mankind in a Last Man Standing Match for the WWF Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Everyone knows the rules. Everyone knows I generally do not like this stipulation. Mankind turns his back, much like at the Royal Rumble, and the Rock attacks him. When the "Rocky Sucks" chant starts, Mankind turns his back and then hits Rock with his title belt, which gets an 8 count. Mankind bites Rock, so Rock bails. They go to the back, where Mankind throws Rock into these little light structures they have up by the entrance. Mankind does it again, and they go a little further back up the aisle, where Rock gains control. Rock rams Mankind into the stage, but Mankind comes back and rams him into a table, before DDT'ing him THROUGH a table. Nice. They go back toward the ring, but Rock back suplexes him on the concrete. Ouch. At ringside, Mankind rams him into the steps, and brings him in for a...PEOPLE'S ELBOW! He misses it, and Rock knocks him out of the ring, before suplexing him three times on the floor at ringside. Rock goes on commentary to enlighten us, but Mankind tackles him, and clears the table for something crazy. Mankind places Rock on the table, and elbowdrops him from the apron, not breaking the table. Mankind powers water onto Rock, and brings steps into the ring. Rock kicks the stairs into Mick's face, and grabs a chair, that he hits Mankind with multiple times. Rock accidentally hits the top rope with a chair, and the chair backfires and hits him in the face. Mankind clotheslines him down to the floor, and attempts to piledrive him. He doesn't, so he just hits Rock instead, and gives him a swinging neckbreaker. He rams him into the announce table, and sets things up for a piledriver. Rock backdrops him off the table (Mick's head hit the table on the way down, and his leg hit the ring bell. Ouch.), and goes into the ring. Rock grabs the steel steps which were already in there, and throws them onto Mankind. Goodness. Back in, where Rock slams Mankind and gives him the CORPORATE ELBOW. Rock goes to grab a mic, as that move only got a 5 count. Rock sings us a fantastic song, until Mankind applies a MANDIBLE CLAW, which also happens to knock the referee outside of the ring. Mankind makes the referee count to 9, until the Rock gets up and lowblows Mankind. Rock gives Mankind a DDT, which only gets a 5 count. Rock swings and misses with a chair, so Mankind double arm DDT's him onto it, for a 9 count. SOCKO, but Rock lowblows Mankind. SOCKO again, but we get ROCK BOTTOM, for an 8 count. Both get up, grab a chair, and hit each other at the same time, which causes both to be down for a 10 count at 21:53. Both do stretcher jobs, as the crowd shits all over the match. Fuck you guys, you don't deserve to be rewarded with a good finish to anything. Both wrestlers leave in ambulances...yes, Mick Foley really went out on his back.   Match Analysis: Draw knocks a bit off, but this was great. Loved the in-match promo, and the overall violence that took place. I'll probably watch this one again before the program expires. ***3/4. Better than the I Quit match, I dare say. ___________________   Our main event, preceded by a hype video, is Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon in a Steel Cage Match. If Austin wins, he gets a shot at the WWF Champion at WrestleMania. No Corporate members are allowed to interfere, or they'll be FIRED!   Blow-by-blow: I can't believe this was 9 years ago. NINE! This is the first "Austin era" show I've reviewed, as well. I began timing when Vince hit Austin for the first time, which he did when Austin was trying to enter the cage. Before that, Austin was inside, not allowing Vince to enter. Austin falls off the cage, and feigns injury...once Vince comes over, Austin clotheslines him at ringside, and they fight into the crowd. Uh, even though I know that they get in the cage, there's a serious logic flaw in this booking. I don't even know if I've seen a main event from the Attitude Era without an "in the crowd" portion. Vince goes up the stairs to leave, but Austin brings him back down to ringside. Vince and Austin try to climb up the cage, but Austin knocks Vince off and through the Spanish Announce Table. YES! A stretcher comes to the ring, which makes Austin grab a mic. He says that he didn't win. "You think this is over, ah-ah." So he goes out, chases down the stretcher, and rams it into the steel cage. He hits him with the stretcher, and tosses McMahon into the cage, starting the actual match after 12:23 (my time). Austin clotheslines Vince, as the crowd has definitely awakened for this one. Austin goes up to the 2nd rope, and elbowdrops Vince, then he does the same thing again. Austin is about to leave the cage, but Vince gives him the finger. Ha. Austin returns to the ring, to stomp a mudhole and walk it dry on Vince McMahon. Vince lowblows Austin, and rams Austin into the cage. Vince climbs up the cage, but Austin pulls him back down and rams him right into the cage. Austin rams him into the cage again, which makes Vince bleed. Austin goes to leave via climbing up and out of the cage, but once he gets near the floor, Vince gives him two middle fingers. Austin goes back in, and rams Vince into the cage, before a STONE COLD STUNNER. Austin goes to leave the cage, but Paul Wight (the Big Show/Giant) comes through the ring and rams Austin into the cage. Wight tosses Austin hard as possible into the cage, which causes the cage door to break and swing open, giving Austin room to get his feet onto the floor, winning the bout at 20:26. That's also the end of the show.   Match Analysis: Not the greatest match...it doesn't really hold up all that well. Just like this show, I'd say. Anyhow, it was basically a 20 minute squash. *1/2. Wasnt' even close to being Vince's best match. ___________________   Rating: Ah...this one was VERY close to being put in the terrible category. Lots of crap. Lots of *1/2 stuff, too. I think I use that rating more than any other, but that isn't by coincidence. I suppose I have to call it...bad. Honestly, had I ordered it, I would've been pissed off. Non-finish in the WWF Title match, stupid finish in the main, and crap for almost the entirety of the show.   Best Segment: Rock vs. Mankind in Last Man Standing.   Worst Segment: Goldust vs. Bluedust. Awful.   All that said, I'm glad I watched this. It was a good nostalgia trip to an era that (match quality aside) I still enjoy for some reason. Yeah, I know a lot of dumb stuff happened, but that doesn't bother me at all. Could've been worse, as in, they could've posted WrestleMania XV. ___________________   I'll either put the RAW/Nitro review up tomorrow, or on Sunday. I'll be gone all day Saturday.
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Review: Random Thoughts from 2/9/08, featuring a Boston Garden house show from the 80's, an original ECW show, and Smackdown.

I usually don't do the house shows unless something really catches my eye, and in this case, something did. You'll see what it was, later. So yeah, 9-6-86 show from the Boston Garden. ___________________   So, our first match from Boston is a fantastic singles competition between Sivi Afi and Pete Doherty.   - Jobberific! Gorilla says something about how Afi wanted to be called "Toma" now...I believe this indicates that Afi was going to be the second Islander, as Haku's partner. If anything, it's a rough draft, so to speak.   - Afi's matches are usually paced well, but not this one, because Doherty has quite a few years on his body, to say the least. Afi gives him a crossbody off the top at 7:02, and that gives him the victory via pinfall. *1/4. The rating is self explanatory. ___________________   This is one of the reasons I watched the show, but not THE reason. Yes, it's the Hart Foundation vs. the US Express.   - I suppose I'll never understand why Rotunda's name always changed to Rotundo, and vice versa. I don't think I could ever get used to the Hart Foundation not wearing pink and black. Black and turquoise here...   - Bret botched a leapfrog over Spivey in the middle of the match, because Spivey is so tall. I laughed. The Express sorta play heel, but because they represent the US, the crowd never boos them, you see. At around 10 minutes, I was pretty sure that this was going to be a 20 minute draw. It was a 20 minute draw after the bell rang at 18:32, but my favorite part of the match was the extremely long chase around the ring sequence. Spivey chased both members of the Hart Foundation in succession for about 30 seconds each. **1/2. The crowd didn't really care all that much. ___________________   Although I know that George Steele is the guy facing Macho Man Randy Savage w/Elizabeth for the Intercontinental Title, this is the reason I watched the show. I never can get enough of watching Savage.   - Steele attacks Savage at the start with...a BODYSLAM! Wow, Steele did an actual wrestling move. Savage hits Steele multiple times with a foreign object that he had hidden in his tights, and I loved it. Talk about a blind ref, he didn't even notice.   - They be brawlin', until Savage gets hit with a chair by Steele at...no time. I don't even think the bell sounded to start the match. Obviously, Steele gets disqualified. Savage runs backstage, and while Steele celebrates, Savage attacks him. Steele comes back, and Savage runs backstage, only to come back again and be thwarted in his attack by Steele. *1/2, which is saying a lot in regards to a Steele match. Steele brings a few kids in the ring, and they eat turnbuckles with him. How nice. ___________________   Rene Goulet vs. Pedro Morales is....   Whoops, I believe I accidentally hit the fast forward button on my remote control. ___________________   Our next match is King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd w/Bobby Heenan vs. The Machines. Big and Super are the two Machines taking part in this match.   - Big Machine is played by Blackjack Mulligan, and Super Machine is played by Bill Eadie, who most would know as Demolition Ax. There you have it.   - Hosstastic! There's a lot of beef in the ring. Heenan comes on commentary...lots of trash is being thrown at Bundy and Studd, throughout the match. It gets worse when Studd and Bundy argue, and even worse than that when Heenan breaks up a pin attempt on Studd, getting his team DQ'd at 9:06. Brain grabs a microphone, and wants the Machines to get a partner for next month. Oh yeah, son! *3/4. ___________________   Seeing as Heenan got all upset, he won't be accompaning KING Harley Race for his match against Corporal Kirchner.   - This show is pretty star-studded. The guy in the front row has two fingers for Kirchner. Guess which ones.   - This is a strange matchup, to put it nicely. The match is a showcase of all Harley's signature moves and bumps, so I enjoyed it. It's a little too long, though, as evidenced by the bored crowd. Kirchner comes off the rope with a crossbody, but Race reverses it, getting the win at 13:46. **. Such an overused finish in the 80's, but I rarely see it now. Not sure if that's good or bad, but everything now is hit your finisher (or multiple finisher sequence), pin. Throw in some variation, please. ___________________   Cowboy Bob Orton is facing a hillbilly, thankfully, it's the one that can wrestle a little, Cousin Luke.   - Orton is Adrian Adonis' bodyguard at this time, which explains his pink hat that he wore to the ring. There's a gigantic boring chant, so this ended quickly. Figured. Luke charged into an Orton knee, and got pinned at 4:12. 1/2*. With Luke's buddies, this could've been terrible. ___________________   Our main event is Nikolai Volkoff and The Iron Sheik w/Slick vs. The British Bulldogs, for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   - Volkoff's rendition of the Russian national anthem always gets big heel heat. There's only been two dead wrestlers on the show. I was taken aback by that, because most of the time when watching these old shows, I think about how so many wrestlers that I used to watch have died.   - Gorilla Monsoon talked with Slick during a part of the match, and said that Slick had big lips. Ok, Gorilla didn't really say that. He said he'd give him bigger lips than the ones he already has if he didn't shut it.   - The scroll in the scoreboard area at Boston Garden says that it'll be PIPER MACHINE teaming up with the Machines against Heenan, Bundy and Studd next month. I figured they'd give it away to sell tickets. Bulldog rolls Sheik up at the end of an underwhelming match, the cradle gets reversed twice by Dynamite and once by Volkoff, but it still gives the British Bulldogs the win at 10:57. **. Sheik and Davey were on the canvas for about a 30 count. For real. That's the end of the show, obviously. ___________________   Show was, eh, good. For a house show, your standards have to be lowered. You just have to be glad to see a good collection of talent in competitive matches. We had that here, so its good. I try to take the perspective of a fan that paid good money for a ticket with house shows. Best match was the Hart Foundation vs. the US Express, and the worst was probably Rene Goulet vs. Pedro Morales. The worst I watched was Bob Orton vs. Cousin Luke. ___________________   ECW from 2/18/96 was next...this show was a jumbled mess, albeit fun, so my typing is going to look like a jumbled mess too. ___________________   Missy Hyatt and Sandman talked about masturbation with Sandman's singapore cane at the beginning of the show, which somehow segued into a 6 man tag, as the Bad Crew took on Dino Sendoff, the Dirtbike Kid and Don E. Allen.   The crowd SHIT all over it. The Bad Crew squashed these guys, and Sandman came in after the match, to cane all of them. The audience liked that. ___________________   Intro to the show and all that, as Joey Styles is in the ring. The lights go off...and it's BRIAN FUCKING PILLMAN, who appears in the middle of the ring ! Sign Guy has a sign that says, "don't work me!" That was great. Obviously, this is the scene of his insane promo. I'll just post it.     My favorite part was when Shane said, "he's shooting!" See, those words, for me anyway, have become synonymous with WCW, so to hear them here reminded me of Shane Douglas in WCW 2000. ___________________   Joey Styles hypes Taz as being a real loose cannon, so Bill Alfonso has to start talkin', on this little video. I love him. He rambled the whole time..."I'm eating steak!"   The Gangstas were supposed to face The Headhunters on this show, but New Jack found himself in jail. Excuse me for a second. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Anyway, the Headhunters beat on Mustafa Saed.   Now we get to the Headhunters match, and they're taking on the surprise team of...the BRUISE BROTHERS. Oh no. Tommy Dreamer had brought them in for the night, Joey says. More on that later.   - Yeah, they were facing a surprise team. I guess when they meant surprise, they meant it in the worst way. The Bruise Brothers are the Harris Brothers, in case you didn't know.   - It's a brawl, but you couldn't see anything for a good sized portion of what was shown. Is that a good thing? I think so. One of the Harris Brothers pinned a Headhunter, and a Headhunter pinned a Harris, at the same time. But the Harris Brothers won, as their pin was the one that was counted. ___________________   We get the marcea hatt omves lal runoda with Lance Wright, and then, clips from Stevie Richards and the Eliminators vs. The Pitbulls and Francine in a Dog Collar Match. There's really nothing of importance, except for a few Super Bombs. We moved forward, and as the Eliminators were choking out the Pitbulls with their chains, Francine pinned Stevie for a 3 count. For that, everyone was Totally Eliminated after the match. That's the price you pay.   The Eliminators cut a promo, and show us a video of many of their TOTAL ELIMINATIONS. ___________________   Buh Buh Ray Dudley faces Mr. Hughes right now...I never got the whole Mr. Hughes thing. Big Dick Dudley wouldn't allow Hughes to beat on Buh Buh, so he kicks Hughes' ass, and Buh Buh gives Hughes a big splash off the top for the 3 count after about 30 seconds. DUD. ___________________   Joey Styles is with Tommy Dreamer....but here comes Raven. Raven talks about what happens to liars in other countries, and since Tommy got Beulah pregnant, he insinuates that he'll cut Tommy's dick off. The Harris Brothers and Shane Douglas come to the ring at the sound of that, and Tommy asks Shane to get Beulah out of here. When Shane's gone, the Harris Brothers attack Tommy and ram him dick-first into the ringpost, over and over. Remember, the Harris Brothers were supposed to be Tommy's friends. That's the end of the show. ___________________   Next time, I'll just write a paragraph or two about the ECW show. It was all over the place. I can't even rate it. ___________________   Last, I watched Smackdown, from Corpus Christi. ___________________   The first segment is a repeat of Monday. You know, how all 6 participants in the Elimination Chamber came to the ring and cut promos, but this one ended as Taker appeared in the ring after the lights were turned out. Also, we get a 6 man tag tonight, just like on RAW. USE DIFFERENT IDEAS. ___________________   The first match on the show was a rematch from ECW last week, Shelton Benjamin vs. Kane.   - Before the match, THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN' ME NUUUH   - Kane gets a LOT of offense. After knocking Shelton back into the ring from the outside, Kane gets counted out, at 6:02. *1/2. Kane getting all that offense wasn't necessarily a good thing. ___________________   Chuck Palumbo faced Jamie Noble w/Michelle McCool next....   - Too much punch, kick. Noble flew off the top to the outside and landed on Chuck's bike, so Chuck tossed Noble into the ring and finished him off at 3:56. *.   After the match, Chuck whipped Noble's ass. The only bad thing about this angle is that I don't necessarily buy Chuck as a guy who has the "whoop ass mentality." Chuck was going to run Noble over with his motorcycle, but he didn't. He should've.   WWE did some positive stuff in China, because they have an office there. This was one of those, "we're a company who cares about the people" pieces. ___________________   The next match was a tag team match, featuring Jesse and Festus who were taking on Deuce & Domino w/Cherry.   - Is Festus supposed to be a retard? Anyway, the ringbell rang and he went nuts. The match finished with after a flapjack variation by Festus at 4:00. 3/4*, that gimmick is AWFUL. ___________________   Edge has his interview segment up next, that being the CUTTING EDGE, and his guest is Vickie Guerrero. Edge says he has a surprise for her on Valentine's Day, but what he really wants is for Rey Mysterio to come out and apologize to her for accidentally giving her a 619 at the Rumble. Rey comes out, and tries to explain himself, but gets slapped twice by Vickie. Edge attacks Rey, and grabs two chairs from outside of the ring. Rey kicks one into his face, and gives him a 619. Edge goes out of the ring, but Rey jumps onto him, ending their little spat. Rey tells Vickie he's sorry, and leaves. ___________________   This new interviewer is with Edge, and asks him if he's going to propose to Vickie Guerrero next week. He says that it isn't any of her business. ___________________   Shannon Moore and Jimmy Wang Yang are set to take on the Edgeheads...   - Just kill me now. I hate Yang's stupid dance.   - At one moment, I thought Yang had hurt his wrist, but really, he just sold it very well. Curt Hawkins pinned Shannon Moore after a curtain call at 3:31. *1/4. Glad to see Moore and Yang lose. ___________________   Time for the main event, that being The Great Khali, MVP and Big Daddy V vs. Batista, the Undertaker, and Finlay.   - There's a commercial break after the entrances, and when we come back,the match is on. I really want to know who thought it was a good idea to repeat booking on both brands. I also want to know if anyone thinks the Elimination Chamber with these six will be any good.   - There's really no other way to put it, except that this is awful. You have two guys who only do good work with each other, and they're on the same team. You have two that cannot wrestle, one whose age is seemingly beginning to affect his in-ring work, and the last one is too small for his heat segment work with Taker to be believable. After 14:26 of DOGSHIT, Finlay hits Khali with the shillelagh, getting himself disqualified. The babyfaces tease dissension, and that ends the show. DUD. ___________________   First hour was good, second was probably the worst TV I've seen from WWE in the last month and a half. Show was TERRIBLE. Now that I've finally called a show terrible, I can explain how I rate shows like that. For PPV's, it takes two negative star matches, and nothing over ****. For TV shows, it takes nothing over *1/2, and at least one DUD, plus uninteresting angles, like the Edge/Vickie and Jesse/Festus stuff. Best segment was...Chuck Palumbo's beatdown of Jamie Noble, and the worst was easily the awful six man tag which ended the show. ___________________   The Savage and Liz Coliseum Video review will be up sometime tomorrow. I almost forgot. Entry #100. Yay.
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7
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Review: Random Thoughts from 2/7/08, featuring RAW, a few thoughts on ladder matches, and WWEECW.

This is the first time I haven't really been too jazzed about watching RAW. It'll probably be crap. ___________________   From Austin, Texas, we have a contract signing, but we also have a John Cena vs. Mark Henry in an armwrestling contest later. Randy Orton wants John Cena to sign a contract so he can't back out of the match at No Way Out. Unless Orton attacks and bloodies him, I don't see the point of this. Cena gets a huge positive reaction when he makes his way out, and signs the contract. Mark Henry runs down to the ring to attack Cena, but Orton gives Cena an RKO first. Smart move. ___________________   We get a Steve Austin DVD promo next...I would've bought this a few years ago, but since then, I've only bought two or three wrestling DVD's, those being the Jake Roberts DVD, Bret Hart DVD and HBK DVD. I wanted to buy the World Class one, but didn't.   Randy Orton's with Mark Henry, so Todd Grisham pops in for an interview bit. Orton justifies his actions, as we go to... ___________________   Kelly Kelly and Mickie James vs. Victoria and Beth Phoenix.   - Uh, brand extension? I wouldn't say anything if it was ever attempted to justify why two non-RAW wrestlers were in the matches they're usually in. Say they were loaned to the show, or something. Mickie's almost as over as Trish was, if not more so.   - Mickie pins Victoria after a tornado DDT at 2:42. Nothing spectacular. *1/4.   William Regal is with Hornswoggle, and he thinks Hornswoggle should be proud of joining the "Kiss my Ass" club tonight. You know, because Regal's a member! ___________________   Shawn Michaels comes out for a promo, cause he's putting everyone who's going to be in the Elimination Chamber on notice. I saw that the entrance was on the right side of the screen as opposed to the left side this week, and the same goes for their new video wall. It's all in reverse. Why? Chris Jericho interrupts HBK, because he doesn't think he'll win the Elimination Chamber. Y2J will, but Jeff Hardy believes otherwise. He has the desire to be in the main event at WrestleMania, you see. JBL REALLY doesn't think so. He says that Texas is a pile of trash, and that's why he left. Mega heel heat for that. JBL says that he'll pay Umaga to protect him in the chamber. So, obviously, UMAGA makes his way to the ring, and quickly thereafter, comes Snitsky. Snitsky says that he should be allowed into the Elimination Chamber. Umaga can't speak English, so he didn't say anything. HBK says that Snitsky only deserves dental care, and now, they all brawl. At least, until William Regal comes out. It'll be Snitsky, JBL and UMANGA vs. HBK, Y2J and Jeff Hardy in a 6 man tag, later tonight. ___________________   Mr. Kennedy faces Super Crazy next...   - I'm surprised that Super Crazy hasn't been released yet. I'm sure he will be soon.   - Anyhow, there's very good psychology in this match. Kennedy applies a strange looking figure-four, and that gets Super Crazy to submit at 2:30. **. The microphone comes down, and we see a clip from MVP vs. Ric Flair on Smackdown last week. MVP got disqualified after not releasing a figure-four, so he attacked Flair after the match. He took Flair out, so to speak. Next week, Kennedy is going to give Flair a chance to forfeit their match at No Way Out. That won't happen.   Mike Adamle is in the crowd, hyping No Way Out. He's been good with this. ___________________   It's Carlito and Santino Marella w/Maria vs. Paul London and Brian Kendrick, now.   - I'm starting to get sick of the same guys jobbing every week. It's very annoying.   - Anyway, London chases Santino around the ring for more than half the match, and Carlito gives Kendrick a BACKSTABBER, which gets him the pinfall at 1:08. 1/2* I think that was the first time that Santino did something that was supposed to be funny and I didn't laugh. It was stupid.   Vince McMahon is with a guy who's buffing his ass. What the fuck? ___________________   Let's get this over with quickly. Vince comes to the ring to talk about how all children should kiss their parents asses, literally. This was a great reason to flip the channel and never watch this show again, but I didn't change it. Should I have? Probably. Anyway, this segment was pretty disturbing. Hornswoggle comes out, and won't kiss Vince's ass. "My eyes!" Finlay comes to the ring, and Vince tells him that he's going to kiss his ass once Hornswoggle is done. Hornswoggle then bites Vince on the ass...isn't that worse than kissing it? Next week, it'll be Vince vs. Hornswoggle in a NO DQ match. And if Finlay interferes, HE'LL BE FIRED! I'm glad the crowd sat on their hands during that segment. It was terrible. ___________________   Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch faced Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly (World Tag Team Champions) in a non-title match after that pile of junk segment, and...   - I haven't seen the champions defend these titles once. That's pretty bad.   - I don't hate Cody, but he's way too bland. He shouldn't even be on TV, yet. He DDT's Murdoch and picks up the win at 2:14. *. Carlito and Santino come out, because they're the new #1 contenders. That's all they had to say.   The Divas did Project Runway, this show on Bravo where these wannabe fashion designers, design clothes, obviously. I've never watched it. ___________________   Here's our main event, UMAGA, Snitsky and JBL vs. Jeff Hardy, Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho.   - But for Snitsky, this could be very good. HBK gets a huge pop when they start the match, because this is Texas. I've noticed that JR has been a better announcer than when I quit watching a few years back. He doesn't bungle stuff nearly as often.   - Before the commercial break, all three babyfaces plancha'd onto an opponent, in stereo. That was cool. The heat segment on Chris Jericho killed the match. I nearly fell asleep. Snitsky and Umaga just applied a hold and sat there during their respective stints in the ring. I absolutely CANNOT stand that.   - The hot tag was made to Jeff Hardy, and then everyone hit a finisher, which ended with Jeff Hardy giving Snitsky the SWANTON BOMB at 15:12. Hot finish, hot start. Awful middle. I suppose I'll be kind and give it **1/4. ___________________   Candice Michelle returns to RAW soon, but I don't really care.   John Cena is going to face Mark Henry in an arm wrestling match, because Cena is at 100%, you know. Honestly, this kind of stuff reminds me too much of the Scott Steiner/HHH feud that SHOOK THE FOUNDATIONS of RAW in early 2003. Anyway, nobody wins the arm wrestling contest, because we have interference! Randy Orton tries to attack Cena from behind, but he bails out when Cena begins to make a comeback. Mark Henry's in trouble, F-U, end show. ___________________   This was a bad show. Really bad. Best segment was the six man tag, which isn't to say much at all, and the worst was the ridiculousness of having an arm wrestling contest on a wrestling program. Just WRESTLE, why don't you. ___________________   Before RAW, I watched parts 3 and 4 of the Ladder Match DVD that's been posted on 24/7. Why put it after RAW, you ask? Because I can. I just rated and noticed a few things about the matches which took place on RAW. I had a lot going on Tuesday.   The first one which took place on RAW was Rob Van Dam vs. Eddie Guerrero for the Intercontinental Championship from 5/27/02.   - The part where the fan ran into the ring was cut out, which sucked. I have this match on the Eddie DVD, so nothing really stood out to me on a whole that I hadn't noticed before. It isn't the best ladder match, but it's pretty damn good. RVD wins the match after 20 minutes, btw. ****. ___________________   The 2nd ladder match that took place on RAW was Jeff Hardy vs. the Undertaker for the Undisputed Title from 7/1/02.   - I am and I probably always will be in favor of bringing back the Undisputed Title. With two World Titles, you kinda see a lot of the same things happen on each brand within a few months of each other. That's a problem.   - This match was better than I remembered it, which isn't really to say a lot, because I was working my ass off in football and didn't really pay attention to wrestling at the time. A great job was done of building the crowd to believe that Jeff could really win the title. Taker did great, and Jeff did great. Obviously Taker won, at 14:05. ***3/4. ___________________   The last match in these two parts which took place on RAW was Chris Jericho and Christian vs. Bubba Ray and Spike Dudley vs. RVD and Jeff Hardy vs. Kane in TLC match for the World Tag Team Titles from 10/7/02.   - Hurricane was gone, after being attacked by Ric Flair and HHH before the match.   - IMO, this match is better than all the other TLC matches. Hands down. I take back what I said about TLC 1 being the best. The flow was better. The spots were better, and you don't necessarily need tons and tons of falls off the top of ladders through tables to make a match great. This one was really, really fun. Plus, my cousin thought it was the best match he'd seen. So there. *****. Next time I see this one, I'll give it the full review it deserves. Outstanding. ___________________   Now, we have WWECW, from Corpus Christi, TX. This show was a pile of shit, so my notes are VERY short. I was thoroughly bored. ___________________   CM Punk came to the ring, and showed us video from last week where he attacked Chavo Guerrero during a fiesta to celebrate his championship win in the previous week. Chavo comes to the ring, and says that Punk insulted his heritage. Armando Estrada is outside of the building, and says that these two will fight each other in a Gulf of Mexico match. To win, you have to throw your opponent into the water. WOW. We have WrestleCrap occuring right before our eyes, between two wrestlers I like. This is embarassing. At No Way Out, Punk gets a title shot, so it's all good. ___________________   Our first match is Kelly Kelly and Michelle McCool vs. Victoria and Layla.   - This was not very good. At least someone who knows how to wrestle won, that being Victoria, after she gave Kelly Kelly the Widow's Peak at 2:42. 1/4*.   Kane faces Shelton Benjamin on Smackdown this week...hey, now I'm definitely going to watch the show. Seriously. ___________________   John Morrison w/The Miz vs. Tommy Dreamer w/Collin Delaney was our first singles match on the night...   - Last week, Delaney was beaten by Morrison and the Miz in a handicap match. Tommy Dreamer went out to help after the match, so here we are. I suppose Dreamer is his protector.   - Morrison tried to do a sky twister press and nearly landed on his head. Save that for the smaller guys, me thinks. Miz became a punching bag for Dreamer later in the match, but it also allowed Morrison to hit Dreamer with a neckbreaker variation for the win, so it worked. Didn't get the time. *3/4.   Stevie Richards had a sitdown interview with Joey Styles, hopefully he'll be back soon. The brand could use him. ___________________   Kofi Kingston faces James Curtis next...   - This wasn't very good either. Kingston won with his kick, and my time disappeared. Needless to say, I wasn't about to go find it. DUD. ___________________   Here's the Gulf of Mexico match, between CM Punk and Chavo Guerrero.   - I thought these two should have an Extreme Rules match, but not like this. Dusty's hand is all over this show. They brawled out of the arena, and tossed each other onto cars. I liked it.   - The concept is definitely WrestleCrap, but the actual match wasn't, at all. Punk GTS'd Chavo into the Gulf at 7:12. **1/4. Good match, and end show. ___________________   The show as a whole was a pile of shit. There were decent matches, but it was so uninteresting. I'll call it bad, best segment was the Gulf of Mexico match and the worst was Kofi Kingston vs. James Curtis. Kingston has not been good thus far. ___________________   Next column will have the Boston show from 9/6/86 (I already took notes, so I'm not backing out), original ECW, and Friday Night Smackdown. Should be up on Saturday.   The Savage and Liz Coliseum Video is going to get a review all on its own, which should be up on Sunday, I think. I have this planned out well, for once.
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Review: NWA Clash of the Champions I, from Greensboro, North Carolina, 3/27/88.

I've always wanted to see this show. So now, I will. I had people over, so I wasn't able to watch this until now. And I didn't watch Smackdown, nor do I have plans to. ___________________   Throughout the show, much like during the first RAW that was on 24/7 a few weeks ago, there are multiple interviews about things pertaining to this show. I'd like it if they did that for all the important shows they post (SNME's, Clash's, PPV's, and other shows with special occurences). Wouldn't it be great if they had people on to talk about WrestleMania IX during intervals throughout the show? I'd love to know what people in the business thought about that pile of shit show. Anyway, Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone are on commentary, with Bob Caudle conducting the interviews. ___________________   Our first match on the night is a Varsity Rules match. So, that gives away what faction one of the participants in this match represents. Anyhow, the rules are, you only need to get a one count, and there are 3 five minute periods, with 30 seconds of rest between each period. Like an amateur wrestling match. The match itself is between Jimmy Garvin w/Precious vs. Mike Rotunda w/Kevin Sullivan, for the TV Title. Rotunda talks about how the match went (now), and here we are...   Blow-by-blow: They lock-up, and break, before Rotunda takes Garvin to the canvas. Rotunda armdrags Garvin, but Garvin quickly returns the favor and gives Rotunda a hiptoss. Garvin slams Rotunda, and applies a wristlock. Rotunda pulls Garvin's hair, which forces Garvin to break the hold, and Rotunda runs away. Rotunda applies a headlock and gets shot into the ropes, where Garvin gives him a back elbow. Garvin applies a front facelock, but Rotunda makes the ropes. After that, Rotunda drops Garvin throat-first on the top rope. Rotunda clotheslines Garvin, and goes for a cover, but can't do it, as the first time period expires.   After the 30 second rest period, Rotunda slams Garvin, and goes up top. Garvin slams him off and backdrops him, so Kevin Sullivan gets on the ring apron. Precious holds onto Sullivan's leg, so Garvin clobbers him with a right to the temple. Unfortunately, he forgot about Rotunda, who rolls him up for the 1 count and the victory at 6:02. After, Garvin gives Rotunda a brainbuster, as Rick Steiner runs in. Precious hits Steiner with a 2x4, and chokes out Sullivan with a hanger. Where the hell did she get that?   Match Analysis: I love the concept. It's great. The match wasn't very long, though, so the rating isn't so hot. Just **. Typical JCP heatfest, not that I'm complaining about that. Good start to the show. ___________________   Bob Caudle is with Dr. Death Steve Williams, who treats us to a turrible promo. Turrible. He wants a shot at Ric Flair.   Jim Ross talks about how good the Fantastics/Midnight Express rivalry was (now), in our segue to... ___________________   The Fantastics vs. The Midnight Express w/Jim Cornette for the US Tag Team Titles. The Fantastics are Robert Fulton and Tommy Rogers, in case you didn't know.   Blow-by-blow: Honestly, they went nuts and brawled for the start of the match. I'm talking, ECW level brawl here. The Fantastics get the best, until Eaton grabs a chair and table, and hits both Fantastics with it. Fulton goes to work on Stan Lane in the corner, but the Express double team Rogers, gaining control. Eaton smashes his face in, and Lane tags in, delivering a savate kick to Rogers. Eaton punches away, and with the referee distracted, Cornette picks up a table and Eaton rams Rogers into it. Lane comes in and gives Rogers a legdrop and elbowdrop. Eaton comes in and powerslams Rogers before going to the top, where he gives Rogers an elbowdrop. Lane comes in and gives Rogers a gutwrench suplex; afterward, he picks Rogers nose for him. The Midnight Express give Rogers a Demolition Decapitation, and Eaton gives him a 10 punch in the corner. Rogers gives Eaton a sunset flip, but the ref is distracted and Lane switches in. Lane dumps Rogers out, and Eaton slams Rogers onto, but not through a table. Eaton BULLDOGS Rogers onto the table, so Fulton needs to come over and help him regroup. Eaton tags in, and gives Rogers a legdrop. Fulton tries to tag in, but the referee never saw it. So, Fulton tosses the official over the top, while Cornette comes into the ring. Cornette waffles Eaton with his tennis racket on accident, and Fulton comes off the top during a ROCKET LAUNCHER, winning the tag titles at 10:15. I saw this coming from a mile away, it's a DUSTY FINISH! Because Fulton put his hands on the referee, see. So, the Midnight Express keep their titles. Cornette goes to work on the Fantastics, and Lane whips Fulton with a belt. Haha.   Match Analysis: This match is overrated. I don't even know where to start. I suppose I'll start with Rogers not being in the match after the original brawl. That's dumb. Dusty Finishes are stupid too. More to mark off. And then the ridiculous overbooking. Do not like. ****, because it was HIGHLY entertaining, and there was really good wrestling. The brawling kept me from being really harsh. I'm probably out on Bledsoe Island with this star rating. ___________________   Caudle talks about the barbed wire match later, and Ken Osmond, who plays a guy on the new Leave it to Beaver (that sure worked out well) shows up, and talks with Jim Cornette about going to Cornette's mama's house.   Afterward, Al Perez and Gary Hart are with Caudle, to talk about wanting to be a part of this setup right here. Perez wants to fight Dusty Rhodes, I suppose.   Last, we get a rundown of the top 10 seeds for Crockett Cup '88. Just search for Crockett Cup '88 if you want a match listing, all I wrote down was that Tully Blanchard and Arn Anderson were the #1 seed. ___________________   Dusty talks about the barbed wire match (now), which brings us to...   The Road Warriors and Dusty Rhodes w/Paul Ellering vs. The Powers of Pain and Ivan Koloff w/Paul Jones in a BARBED WIRE MATCH.   Blow-by-blow: The barbed wire doesn't look so rough, but I wouldn't dare say that it looks like it wouldn't hurt. It's impossible to follow the action, because the PoP and Road Warriors wear the exact same stuff. Animal's wearing a helmet to protect his eye, so I can see him. Still, it's a 6 person brawl that's restricted to a tiny ring. Dusty and Koloff bleed, Animal powerslams Warlord, and that's basically it, after the pin at 3:37. The heels got SQUASHED. After the match, the Powers of Pain pull Animal's helmet off and beat on his eye while Koloff whips Hawk with his chain, until Dusty saves them.   Match Analysis: The Dusty booking is in full force on this show. Short, sweet, and to the point. That's how I like Dusty matches. *3/4. It was a mess, but one you can enjoy. ___________________   Nikita's with hair, and oh, Bob Caudle too, where he says that kids shouldn't do drugs. Glasnost and stuff, then he bashes Kevin Sullivan.   Barry Windham talks about the upcoming match (now)...again, I reiterate that there should be interviews and stuff like this on every important thing that WWE puts on their 24/7 channel. ___________________   As I was saying, it's Barry Windham and Lex Luger vs. Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson w/JJ Dillon for the NWA Tag Titles. The Four Horsemen connection is so obvious that I really didn't even need to mention it.   Blow-by-blow: Ross calls the challengers the "twin towers." Hey, those were his words, not mine. Luger and Tully start the match, as Luger pushes Tully down to the canvas. Luger poses, until the champions double up on him. Luger clotheslines both, and powerslams Blanchard. It's time for the TORTURE RACK, but Arn kicks Luger in the knee to stop that. Arn tags in, and goes to work on Luger's knee. Elbows and kneedrops galore, until Tully tags back in. Tully does the same, until Luger makes a comeback. Tully takes him to the canvas and Arn tags in, trying for the figure-four. Can't get it, and in Windham comes. Windham gives Tully a LARIAT, and powerslams him for a 2 count. Windham applies a sleeper, and when Tully tries to reach the ropes, Windham rolls through the ropes and keeps the hold applied, outside of the ring. Arn tries to revive Tully when Windham breaks the hold, so when Tully comes in the ring, he applies a choke. Then Tully goes up top, where Windham slams him to the canvas. Windham applies an abdominal stretch, but Arn tags in. He tags Windham with a left hand, and gives him a DDT for 2. Arn gives Windham a spinebuster for two, but Windham knees him in the nuts. Tully tags in, and elbows Windham in the head for a 2 count. Windham gives Tully a crossbody for 2, and then they collide in the center of the ring. Tully takes Windham down so he can't make the tag, and Windham bridges out of a pin attempt, into a double underhook suplex. Arn tags in and grabs onto Windham's arm, but Windham reverses, although he's still unable to tag Luger. Arn misses a kneedrop, but Tully gets in before the tag, and gives Windham a SLINGSHOT SUPLEX, which gets a 2 count. It's tapered off from its hot start, but it's still a great match. Luger and Arn find their way into the ring, and Luger cleans house. Clotheslines for all, until Tully knees Luger in the back. Luger throws Arn into the buckle, and powerslams him, which ignites another brawl. JJ Dillon comes into the ring with a chair as Tully distracts the ref, but Dillon hits Arn with the chair on accident. Luger pins Arn at 9:33, and we have new tag champions! Their title reign didn't last very long, though.   Match Analysis: I liked it more than the earlier tag match. That's not to say it was a better match. It wasn't. I liked how well these two teams worked the formula, and the crowd as well. ***1/2. I could watch this one a few more times. ___________________   Various people talk about competition with WrestleMania IV on that very same night (now), and somehow, that brings us to....   Sting vs. Ric Flair for the NWA Heavyweight Title. There are three judges for this match, Gary Juster, Sandy Scott, and Ken Osmond. The other two have something to do with the business, I think Juster was on the NWA Board of Directors. Anyhow, JJ Dillon must be locked in a cage for the duration of the bout. There's a 45 minute time limit, too.   Blow-by-blow: You can tell by the crowd reaction that Sting isn't that over. Yet. They lock-up, and both men break to do their little wooos. Flair puts Sting in an armwringer, but Sting reverses it. Sting puts Flair in a headlock, and takes him down to the canvas when Flair reverses it into a wristlock. Flair reaches the ropes, and chops away at Sting, who no-sells the blows. Sting hiptosses Flair, and sends him out of the ring with a dropkick. Flair comes back in, and applies a hammerlock, which gets reversed by Sting. Flair makes it to the ropes, but is given a gorilla press slam by Sting. Sting follows that up with a flying headscissor, and a hiptoss. He takes Flair to the canvas with a headlock that gets 2, and stays with the headlock. For a really long time. Sting's bleeding from one of Flair's chops, as we're still in the headlock after a shoulderblock. The build is far too slow. Flair goes for a 10 punch in the corner, but Sting prevents it and hiptosses him. 10 minutes have passed, and Flair tosses Sting out of the ring after a missed dropkick. Sting comes in really quick, and punches Flair 5 times at the corner, before taking him over with a headlock for 2. Flair makes it to the ropes, and gets gorilla pressed again. Sting applies a bearhug to Flair, which lasts about three minutes. You know, when typing this, my opinion of the match just lessens. It's sounds even more boring. We're 16:00 in, and nothing's really happened. This was where the match got good. Sting misses an elbowdrop, and misses a STINGER SPLASH, too. Flair gives Sting an inverted atomic drop, and tosses Sting out of the ring, where he rams him into the railing that surrounds the ring. Flair brings him in, and rams him into the turnbuckle twice, after chopping him. Flair kneedrops Sting twice, and rakes him on the back. Flair grabs a chair, but instead, he gutshots Sting and sends him back into the guardrail, on the outside. Flair chops away inside the ring, but Sting no-sells it, and knocks Flair over the top rope with a big right hand. Sting misses a charge at Flair, and accidentally clotheslines the ring post. Inside, Sting chokes Flair after reversing a wristlock, and gives Flair another hiptoss. He clotheslines Flair for 2, and when Flair tries to bail out, Sting suplexes him back in from the ring apron. Sting applies the SCORPION DEATHLOCK, but Flair makes the ropes. Sting chokes Flair with his boot, but Flair is able to get up and chop him. Sting no-sells that, so Flair begs. Sting hiptosses Flair AGAIN, but he misses a charge at Flair and flies over the top rope. Sting comes back into the ring, so Flair chokes him. That does absolutely nothing, as Flair knocks Sting away, and goes to the top, hitting a crossbody for 2. Flair gives Sting a kneebreaker, and kicks him right in the leg, before giving him another kneebreaker. Flair gives Sting a back suplex, as 30 minutes have passed. Flair gives Sting the FIGURE-FOUR LEGLOCK, and grabs the ropes to cheat. A lot. Sting pulls Flair away from the ropes, and reverses the hold, causing Flair to break it. Flair tries to suplex Sting out of the ring, but Sting reverses and suplexes him back in. Sting goes for a splash, but he eats knees. Sting applies an abdominal stretch, but Flair finds a way to get him to break the hold. Flair goes to the top after an elbowdrop, and Sting slams him off the top, for a 2 count. Sting takes Flair over to the ringpost, and slides him into it, nuts first. Sting gives Flair a FIGURE-FOUR, but Flair reaches the ropes. Sting gives Flair ANOTHER hiptoss, and stomps away at Flair's knee. Flair pushes the official, so the official pushes back, knocking Flair down. Sting takes Flair to the buckle, and Flair does his flip over the turnbuckles, falling to the floor afterward. Sting rams Flair into a table, and the guardrail, and the ringpost as well. Sting knocks Flair over the guardrail, and pulls him back over, toward the ring. Flair sunset flips in, but Sting knocks him right in the mouth, and takes him to the corner. 40 minutes have passed. Sting gives Flair a 5 punch at the corner, and Flair tries an inverted atomic drop. He isn't able to, so Sting clotheslines him for 2. Sting misses a STINGER SPLASH, and flies over the top, with 3 minutes remaining. Flair chops Sting, and Sting returns the punishment with a shoulderblock. Flair applies a sleeper, so Sting charges at the turnbuckle and ducks, causing Flair's face to ram right into the turnbuckle. Flair dumps Sting out to rest, but Sting flies back in with a sunset flip attempt. Flair grabs the ropes and gets a 2 count, but when forced to let go of the ropes, Sting brings him over for a 2 count. Two minutes remain. Sting takes Flair to the turnbuckle, where he does the Flair Flip, and Flair comes off the top with a crossbody that gets reversed for a 2 count. Flair chops and kicks, but it does absolutely nothing. 1 minute remains. Sting gives Flair a 5 punch at the corner, and a STINGER SPLASH. Sting applies the SCORPION DEATHLOCK, with 30 seconds remaining. Flair holds on...10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...Flair submits, but the bell has sounded. We go to the judges decision, and...they cannot decide on a winner. We have a DRAW, and Flair remains World Champion. That's the end of the show, too.   Match Analysis: The beginning of the match really was not very good, and neither was Sting's repetitive moveset. He must've hiptossed Flair 8 or 9 times, I didn't even mention all of them, I think. The last 30 minutes of the match were among the best I've ever seen in North American wrestling. I suppose I'll meet somewhere and call it ****1/4, because really, the end always has more importance than the beginning. It's still overrated in regards to what I've heard about it in the past, but this really was the match that established Sting. By the end of the match, those fans were going insane for him. ___________________   Rating: Excellent. If you have any questions about what I said in regards to Sting/Flair, just ask. The entire card was fantastic. I'd be hard pressed to find many other wrestling events that I could sit down and watch at random. Watch it.   Best Segment: Flair/Sting. That said, I loved the NWA Tag Title Match.   Worst Segment: Dr. Death's terrible promo. It was horrendous.   Everyone got great crowd reactions. This show was a perfect example of how you book guys to get over and look strong. Not to say that Dusty Finishes are any good, mind you. ___________________   My next thing will have RAW, a few matches from the Ladder Match DVD (the ones that were on RAW), and WWECW.
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Review: Random Thoughts from 1-29-08, featuring Smackdown, and RAW.

The column got pushed back a day because I ordered the Rumble. No biggie, right? ___________________   I'm going to copy my notes for Smackdown, seeing as the Rumble changed a ton of things. This is from Charlottesville, VA, just like ECW was.   Rey Mysterio faced the Edgeheads in a handicap match...   - Rey's new entrance setup rocks it. This is one of those "I tag you" handicap matches, which I really don't care for.   - Curt Hawkins comes in at 6:13 and hits Rey with a chair, giving Rey the win via DQ. Rey dropkicks the chair into his face, and forces the heels to scatter. *3/4. Not half bad.   Some dude named Jesse is talking about how some dude named Festus is being fixed. Needless to say, I've never seen those two in my life. ___________________   Next up is a match between Jimmy Wang Yang w/Shannon Moore vs. Domino w/Deuce and Cherry.   - Yang's gimmick is really starting to wear on me. I hate his stupid music, and I hate his stupid dance.   - Yang pins Domino with a moonsault block at 5:24. I don't really like the way he does the move, either. *1/4.   Backstage, Jamie Noble and Chuck Palumbo argue for a bit, until Michelle McCool comes into the picture. Then they stop, because they're in a match...NEXT. ___________________   So yeah, Chuck Palumbo, Jamie Noble, and Michelle McCool are facing John Morrison, the Miz, and Layla.   - We'll talk about the angle at the end of the match. At around 1:40, Palumbo and Noble argued with each other, and Palumbo pushed Noble into McCool, who was on the ring apron. Then Palumbo assaulted Noble, and pushed McCool onto the ground when she tried to stop him. Hey, Palumbo got booed, so it worked. ___________________   MVP comes to the ring, because he has something to share with us. That something is a bunch of photoshopped pictures, mostly making fun of Flair. I thought the shuffleboard one was funny, as was the one where Flair was wearing the Jack Nicklaus Golden Bear hat. So, Ric Flair comes out, and says he'll beat MVP at the Rumble (which he did). ___________________   Our next match is a Belfast Brawl, obviously Finlay w/Hornswoggle facing the Great Khali w/Ranjin Singh. The rules were never explained.   - Khali tried to put Hornswoggle through the annonce table, so Finlay grabs the shillelagh and beats Khali to a bloody pulp. The match just stops at 4:50. Lame. *. Khali's been booked to look super weak lately. ___________________   Vince McMahon is with Finlay, but he only wants to talk to his son.   Batista comes to the ring, and talks. He's putting everyone on notice for the Rumble.   Backstage, Noble encountered Michelle McCool as she was being stretchered out of the building, and he tells her that he'll get Palumbo. Ok. ___________________   Now we have our semi-main event, featuring the Undertaker, who's taking on Big Daddy V w/Matt Striker.   - This is going to be bad, if their matches in the past are any indication. By that, I'm talking nearly 10 years ago. It's actually scary how small V makes Taker look.   - Taker slaps on a gogoplata at 6:12, causing V to tap out. The finish looked so contrived, you just have to see it. Plus, V bit the blood capsule. 3/4*. Mark Henry comes to the ring, screaming at Taker that he "went too far." The fuck is that supposed to mean? ___________________   The last match is CM Punk vs. Edge w/the Edgeheads in a non-title bout.   - Rey Mysterio is on commentary. Why they're doing this now, I have no idea. But I'm not booking this show. That said, Punk losing now is better than him challenging and losing later.   - Punk botched his springboard clothesline pretty bad. Up to that point, the match was going really well. Punk avoids an Edge charge to the corner, but Edge comes right back out with the SPEAR to finish at 7:50 (shown). **. Rey runs in to be by Punk's side after the match, and that's the show. ___________________   Looking back, given the MSG crowd on Sunday, Rey should never have been in the title match. That's hindsight, for ya. Show was poor, best segment was Palumbo beating down Noble, and the worst was Finlay/Khali. I enjoyed that one the least. Smackdown is easily the most boring of the three shows, IMO. That's not to say it's the worst, because it isn't. ___________________   The MSG show was good, but I didn't finish it. I liked Bret Hart's debut more than anything else. ___________________   The typical crowd here in Philly boos John Cena. This, of course, is RAW. Cena talks about his injury, and how life wasn't the same. Well, duh. He wants to face Orton ASAP, meaning tonight. Orton comes out and says no, he'll only fight Cena if people are paying for it. That means they'll have a match at No Way Out. Cena still says that he'll find a way to get Orton tonight. ___________________   Our first match was Ashley and Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall and Beth Phoenix.   - Lillian Garcia messed up Beth's entrance pretty bad. Anyway, Mickie is the only thing good about this match. Of course, Beth pins her with the fisherman buster at 2:52. 3/4*. Ashley just stood on the apron watching, seeing as Hall was way late in coming over to grab her leg. So, it looked really bad. ___________________   Vince McMahon is with William Regal, who has an idea for No Way Out. Vince wants him to share it with the public, after the commercial.   A video after the commercial tells me that the Steve Austin DVD is coming out soon...   And then, Regal comes to the stage, blubbering through his announcement. It's for the Elimination Chamber, where the winner goes on to face the winner of Cena/Orton at WrestleMania. We watch a video of past Elimination Chambers, but none of the footage is from the ECW version. Our participants in this are...UMANGA, HBK, Chris Jericho, JBL, Jeff Hardy, and Triple Haitch.   Mike Adamle talks about our later matches, which are Snitsky and UMAGA vs. HHH and a partner of his choice, and JBL/Orton vs. Jericho/Jeff Hardy. Much better this time, as opposed to the Rumble when he Regal'd his way through the entire night. ___________________   The second match on the night is Cody Rhodes w/Hardcore Holly vs. Carlito w/Santino Marella and Maria.   - At the Rumble, Carlito spit on Rhodes' face. So, we have this.   - Cody's punches look really stiff. That said, he punches away a bit too often, so when Santino distracts him, it's easy for Carlito to give him the BACKSTABBER, for the pinfall at 3:05. *. ___________________   HHH is with Shawn Michaels in the lockerroom, and we know that at No Way Out, both guys will need to do what it takes to get that title shot. But right now, HHH needs a partner for his match. So...Shawn accepts, then jumps out of the picture, and comes back in with new, DX merchandise on. I like this whole thing with Shawn and his merchandise.   UFC promo for Mir vs. Lesnar. Really looking forward to watching Brock eat fists there.   Last in this run of segments, is some filming for Candice Michelle's Godaddy.com Super Bowl commercial. ___________________   Like, I said, it's a DX night, as they'll face UMAGA and Snitsky.   - I think I'm one of the few smarks that get enjoyment out of the DX thing. I love nostalgia. HHH talks about Buffer's gimmick infringement at the Rumble. I let out a small laugh for that.   - And with their whole entrance thing, I almost forgot there's a match. HHH grabs a mic and asks if anyone has a toothbrush. You know, cause Snitsky's in the ring. The "BRUSH YOUR TEETH" chant gets going, and I laugh. Every arena should chant that during Snitsky's matches. I think it's funny how I said last week that these were the only two guys left to squash that white kid on ECW, and now they're tagging up with each other.   - HBK is your face in peril, but thankfully, there's a commercial. Snitsky's shitty bearhug generally ruins matches, and this is no exception. HHH tags in, Umaga receives SWEET CHIN MUSIC from Shawn, and HHH gives Snitsky the PEDIGREE for the pinfall, at 12:13. Who knows why the match was of that length, *3/4. ___________________   Randy Orton's in the back with JBL, and Orton wants to know that JBL will have his back if Cena shows up. JBL says, sure.   Todd Grisham's with Jeff Hardy, who says nothing of note.   And Vince is with Hornswoggle now. Vince is disappointed, damnit. Get the hell out of this room right now. ___________________   The next match is Mr. Kennedy vs. Brian Kendrick. Hey, at least we're getting a bunch of matches tonight.   - Kendrick ran right into the ring and slapped Kennedy. That was funny. Unfortunately, he gets squashed and finished off with the MIC CHECK, for 3 at 1:59. Now, the mike comes down. Kennedy didn't want in the Elimination Chamber, he wanted to retire Ric Flair. I like this idea. He's not going to be the guy to retire Flair, but he's well perceived enough by the fans so that Flair can go over him and continue to get stronger, prior to his retirement. Flair comes out, and has two things to say.   First, good luck.   Second, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! So, they'll have a match at No Way Out. ___________________   We go right into another match, this being Melina vs. Maria w/Santino Marella.   - Santino dissin' Melina on the way to the ring is hilarious. That said, he wouldn't be nearly as funny (or not funny at all) if he didn't have the accent.   - This match was horrid. Melina went to roll-up Maria, but pulled her pants down, revealing Maria's underwear. So, Maria got the pin at 2:something. I lost the time. Santino runs into the ring and covers Maria up, and says, "damn you Japanese for your high definition technology." Then he says that JR had erected a monument in his trousers. But a small monument, see. Funny stuff. DUD.   Todd Grisham is with Y2J in the back, and what happened at the Rumble (he hung JBL) is the new him...and he likes that.   Mike Adamle then previews No Way Out, prior to... ___________________   Jeff Hardy and Chris Jericho vs. JBL and Randy Orton.   - Looking like this match could be long. And good.   - Jeff Hardy gave Orton a SWANTON really early, but JBL prevented that from being the end of the match. We go to the break, and come back, as Orton doesn't have Hardy in a chinlock. Thankfully. JBL and Jericho's brawling sequences are rough. They stiff the hell out of each other. Hardy crashes and burns outside, and Y2J has JBL trapped in the WALLS OF JERICHO. Orton comes in and gives Jericho an RKO, which gets his team the 3 count at 10:58. **1/2, good TV stuff. John Cena comes out, presumably to have a go at Orton. JBL ducks out under the bottom rope, and we're one-on-one. Cena kicks Orton's ass, and finishes that off with the F-U. Not a single RAW this year has left Orton in a favorable position at the end of the show. That's really weird booking. ___________________   The show was, uh, good. Barely good. The best segment was the tag match at the end between JBL/Orton and Hardy/Jericho, and the worst was probably the actual Melina/Maria match. I don't know what'll be on my next column, other than ECW from today. I might even review Clash I before I put that up, I don't know. No promises.
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