Alan Curbishley resigned today. I was expecting that. Now West Ham have some looking to do to find the right manager.
The first man we brought in was Swiss international, Phillip Degen, who came from Borussia Dortmund on a free transfer.
Degen did not play too well in the preseason, but nevertheless, he looks like a full back who has the gung-ho offensive mentality down pat. Defensively, he sucks. On a free, it's a good deal. He's better than Voronin. Do I think he'll matter much to this team? Nope. If Arbeloa goes down, Jamie Carragher will step in at right back and Degen will not become a regular.
Second man in, was Andrea Dossena, who joined from Udinese for 7 million pounds.
This is a lot of money for a left back. A lot. Fortunately, he's pretty good! Great going forward, not so great in defense, but good enough. Provides a really good ball, and is quite fast. I still have my doubts.
Next up, joining from Palmeiras in Brazil for three million pounds, was goalkeeper Diego Cavalieri.
We signed him so we could get rid of Charles Itandje. Unfortunately we could not get rid of Itandje. I've seen some good things out of Diego. Some bad. All in all he is a very unproven player and I shudder to think what would happen if Reina were out for an extended period.
Our fourth, and quite possibly most astute pickup, was David N'Gog, who joined from Paris St. Germain for 1.5 million pounds.
The kid has quality, but isn't very polished. It'll take a while to get him where we need him to be. What he is, is very quick...has great size, and a pretty good shot. Intrigued by this lad. He scored two nice goals in the preseason, one of them coming against Rangers.
Four days later came what was no doubt the biggest signing, Robbie Keane joining from Tottenham Hotspur for an astounding 20.3 million pounds.
To be fair, the money figure is a ridiculous number. Knowing what I've seen so far, this has a good chance to be a flop of epic proportions. We do not have the money (yet) to waste on flops. We've gotta get bang for our buck, and Keane hasn't brought it yet. The match on the 13th against United is the best time for Keane to make his mark. He had better do something soon, or support will turn on him. We've got Marseille a few days later, that's another chance. Keane must score in one of these games. You give the guy the #7 shirt at this club, he better perform.
The final signing, coming on the last day for transfers, was Spaniard Albert Riera, who joined from Espanyol for what is as of yet an unknown fee.
If he doesn't solve the left wing problem, this is just more money poured into a problem position that Rafa hasn't quite figured out how to solve. Honestly, I'm not a fan of this move at all. I don't care how much it cost. Riera provides a good ball from the left side. That's it. He's slow, does not finish well, and flopped at City. A fantastic signing. Well, if he only cost 1 million pounds. But he didn't. He'll be here for two years and get shipped back home.
Tomorrow, international duty.
This entry is going to be about the transfer window. Today's for the players we sent out. This transfer window was somewhat light in the movement of star quality. With the money going in to Man City and soon enough us once Hicks and Gillett sell, next summer will certainly not be the same. Matter of fact, our owners are going back to the bargaining table with Dubai. It's gonna happen soon.
Anyway, we'll go in order. I'll include a picture for each. Okay, that's a lie. Don't think I'll cover youth players.
The first man headed out the door was John Arne Riise, to Roma for 4 million pounds.
A fair sum of money for the Norway international, but to be honest, I'm quite surprised that Roma of all teams were the ones to want him. The phrase square peg in a round hole comes to mind. He doesn't fit their style of football at ALL. I read he played well in their match against Napoli this weekend. Shocking. He still has it in him to prove himself as a top left back, but he blew it against Chelsea last year in the Semis. He had to go. Hopefully he has a few great hits like the one against PSV away during the knockout round in 2007.
Second up was Anthony Le Tallec, heading to Le Mans for about 1 million pounds.
The third man to join a new club was Harry Kewell, who joined Galatasaray on a free.
Leeds supporters were pretty pissed that Kewell joined Galatasaray. After all, there was that big incident a few years back. They should be mad! We'd have kept Kewell if he could stay fit, but he can't, so that's it for him. He's already scored twice in Turkey. By the way.
Peter Crouch headed to Portsmouth for 11 million pounds, which is, to be frank, insane.
The move gave us a real nice influx of funds we desperately needed, so, I was glad. But like I said, 11 million pounds is insane. He came off the bench for us, surely Portsmouth could've held out and gave less. I was quite happy to see him head out, Chelsea supporter he and his pops are. See ya.
Danny Guthrie moved to the northeast, Newcastle specifically, for 2.25 million pounds.
He had to go too. It's for the best. Maybe at a later date he'll be able to come back, but right now, he can't fit into the side. Guthrie has been pretty good for Newcastle. Of all the players we sent out, Guthrie's the one with the brightest future ahead of him. We should've had a buyback clause put into the move. We may have, but I doubt it. Soon enough we'll find out.
Scott Carson finally headed out on a permanent move, to West Bromwich Albion for 3.25 million pounds.
Carson blew this one for us. Had he played well, that fee could've doubled. Fuck him, and his stupid blundering ass. Had to happen.
And now we get to the moves which took place on the final day.
Steve Finnan made his exit, heading to La Liga side Espanyol, for an undisclosed fee.
Finnan's a loyal servant to the club, and truthfully, this is the only exit this summer that actually bothered me. If Xabi Alonso left I would've been really bothered, but Xabi didn't. I've got respect for any player from the Isles that makes his way to the continent. Doesn't happen very often, matter of fact, I think he and Tyrone Mears are the only ones to head out this window. I'm trying to recall any other players from the Isles that play on the continent currently, but I can't. I don't think there are any.
Last, and definitely least, Andriy Voronin headed to Hertha Berlin on a one year loan deal.
He tried to silence the Kop after scoring against Lazio. What a fucking moron. He's so shit we can't sell him, eventually we'll just stick him in the reserves after he disappoints in Germany. Let him rot. At least we got him on a free and only paid his wages, not a fee of any sort.
Tomorrow I'll talk about the guys that came in. Then international duty on Thursday.
Not the best of performances today, but you take what you can get. I thought we played better today than we did against Sunderland or Boro. I'll start with player ratings.
Pepe Reina: 6. Only had to make one or two saves, did it, and looked shaky otherwise. Played far better in mid-week against Standard Liege.
Alvaro Arbeloa: 6. Got forward well, looked really strong and like a top right back, except for that whole passing thing. Failed to set up chances.
Jamie Carragher: 8. Rock at the back, most consistent performer thus far. Legend.
Martin Skrtel: 7. Got burned by Young and Agbonlahor a few times, but stayed steady and didn't allow them to provide the final ball. Happy with his performance.
Andrea Dossena: 7. Wouldn't want to run into him after a night of drinking. Tough as fuck.
Lucas: 5. Jetlagged, played out of position. Not good.
Javier Mascherano: 7. Driving force. Hope to see this man in our shirt until he returns home and plays the rest of his days at River Plate.
Xabi Alonso: 7. He's back on form. We don't need Gareth Barry as long as Xabi keeps this up. Sunderland, Standard, and Villa have been great games for him, better than all of last season.
Dirk Kuyt: 6. Played alright.
Robbie Keane: 5. Looks like a bad buy if I'm being honest.
Fernando Torres: 6. Would've scored if not for the injury. Hope he misses international duty and nothing more.
David N'Gog: 5. Lazy, but had the best chance. Still a kid, will get better.
Fabio Aurelio: 6. Also better than last season, if he had played like this, we would've got a left back on a free to back him up, and not bought Dossena.
Yossi Benayoun: N/A. Wrong idea, didn't get a touch. Probably would've put Babel in as a front-man here.
Rafa: 4. Made bad subs, and the formation was all out of whack. The lads looked lively at the beginning of the second half, but it didn't last.
Villa's best player was Nigel Reo-Coker.
The big story today is the Torres injury. How long is he going to be out? Hopefully not too long. We cannot afford to lose him for United at Anfield and Marseille away. Both United and Marseille are missing their top wingers (Ronaldo and Ben Arfa), so would this balance that out? Really, hell no, it wouldn't. We still haven't played a match with everyone available for selection. Now Riera's coming in too. He better perform, if he bottles it against United, safe to say the lad will never settle in. Hopefully Gerrard plays on the right so that both Alonso and Mascherano can stay in the lineup. If not, Alonso's the guy out.
Now, for the other matches I watched today...
AC Milan vs. Bologna
I woke up real early, as the temptation got me. I had to see Ronaldinho play for Milan. I had to see Shevchenko make his return. Fortunately, Ronaldinho didn't disappoint. Massimo Ambrosini headed in a beautiful cross from Ronaldinho. Ronnie's back. Doesn't look fit though. Sheva missed two golden chances, but he'll score plenty of goals this season. He just hasn't had a consistent run of matches in a while. The talent is still there. Bologna won after a fantastic goal from Francesco Valiani. Still think Milan are going to win Serie A.
Numancia vs. Barcelona
Well, Barca put in a stunning performance. In the worst way possible. Lionel Messi looked like the only one who brought his boots. The rest of his teammates played terribly. Henry had a great chance but missed, Eto'o had another great chance, but hit the crossbar. That's about it. Hleb should've started in place of Yaya Toure. Deep down, I expected they'd have a rough time against the La Liga new boys, because they'd never won at Numancia. Numancia won 1-0, thanks to a great goal from Mario.
Fiorentina vs. Juventus
I wound up watching more of this match than I thought I would. Highly interesting. Pavel Nedved opened the scoring in the 39th minute after a nice cross from Zdenek Grygera. A Czech Republic Connection! Alessandro Del Piero played strong and created some great chances for new addition Amauri, but the former Palermo striker couldn't finish. Too bad, he looks quality. In the second half, Stevan Jovetic, a new 18 year old addition from Partizan Belgrade, came in and played a strong game. Not strong as in hard to knock off the ball, because he was actually quite easy to knock off the ball. He provided a spark and set up a few free-kick chances, which new left back Juan Manuel Vargas failed to capitalize on. New Fiorentina defensive midfielder Felipe Melo was sent off after a reckless challenge on new Juventus man Cristian Poulsen, and from there, the match really picked up. Alberto Gilardino blew quite a few chances this match, until scoring a brilliant, hard-work goal, leveling the match in the 89th minute. Here's the goal. The match would stay level, and end at a 1-1 draw. Fantastic match, great result for the Viola. Although Mario Santana had no factor in the goal, he played fantastic. Man of the Match in my opinion. Because I watched so much of this, I didn't watch so much of this...
Deportivo La Coruna vs. Real Madrid
Good, back and forth match, which ended 2-1 for Deportivo. Both of their goals were scored on headers from set pieces, and Ruud van Nistelrooy banged home a goal (in the box of course), after a defensive mistake. No doubt a disappointing result for the defending La Liga Champions, but they haven't won at Deportivo in 17 years. 18 years now. Mexican Andres Guardado was the best player for the winning outfit, but they suffered an injury, as substitute Riki tore his hamstring while bursting down the left side late. Too bad.
Tomorrow I'll discuss our transfer dealings, as the window closes. Tuesday I'll talk about international duty for LFC players, and our World Cup Qualifying match against Cuba, in Havana.
Yeah, I'm turning this into a Liverpool Football Club blog. We'll see how long that lasts. I usually have a shitload to say about my favorite club and never quite get around to saying it. Now I will. After the Villa match tomorrow, I'll give player ratings...a rant on the new stadium and ownership...preview for international duty (for each player and the United States for that matter)...and lastly, a wrap-up of our transfer dealings this summer, and my opinions on the new acquisitions. I'll post about other leagues too, whenever something comes to mind. I probably won't get bored with this, unlike when I kept this as a wrestling blog. I usually have tons to say about football. Sometimes it'll be related to our Americans playing in Europe, like Jozy Altidore with Villarreal. I doubt many people will read this. Maybe that's a positive.
Today I watched West Ham vs. Blackburn...
Quality of football was dire outside of the goalscoring moments. Which were admittedly quite nice, especially Bellamy's volley. I wish he was able to stay healthy, we'd have kept him.
Arsenal vs. Newcastle
Newcastle were dire. Could've been a lot worse. Barton is a thug, but I found it funny how after his challenge on Nasri, he smiled. What a guy.
Sampdoria vs. Inter Milan
Maureen's introduction to Italian football was a rough one. I really like Antonio Cassano. Fantastic player. Ibrahimovic took his chance well, but Inter found themselves under seige late. Mourinho should be glad to have got the point.
Valencia vs. Mallorca
Silva + Villa = Champions League football. If both can stay fit and in form. This David Villa is far improved from his play last season, prior to Euro '08. He was really bad until the Euro. Afterward...wow.
Tomorrow I'm going to watch
Aston Villa vs. Liverpool
Numancia vs. Barcelona
Fiorentina vs. Juventus (some of this match, like during time between Barca match and the other, and during halftime of...)
Deportivo La Coruna vs. Real Madrid.
Of the three non-Pool matches, looking forward to the last one the most. No van der Vaart and no Ruud should leave Madrid with a very tough test. Both guys were sent off during the second leg of the Spanish Super Cup last week at the Bernabeu.
Tony and Lord Alfred are sitting at ringside for this much awaited event...
First match is the Young Stallions vs. Los Conquistadors.
- The Conquistadors constant switching in and out is always nice. But I'm not interested in the match at all. It's an okay match, I just don't care. A Roma missile dropkick leads to the pinfall victory for the Young Stallions at 14:58. **.
Judy Martin vs. Rockin' Robin is teh fast forward time. Sorry.
Mr. Perfect vs. Ronnie Garvin is the next bout.
- I've never seen Garvin so juiced up. Most everyone hit the juice real hard once they went up north, so I'm not surprised. Lots of chop trading and overselling. And chinlocks!
- GARVIN STOMP. Yeah, that's lame. Perfect reverses a Garvin crossbody from the top for the win at 14:23. *1/2. Too much chinlocking.
Leaping Lanny Poffo read us a WrestleMania V promo...he's gone heel now! Got quite a bit of heat.
The Brainbusters vs. The Rockers is up...
- Oh God, what a match this is going to be. Stereo dropkicks by the Rockers! After Arn's in for oh, about ten minutes, Tully tags in, and the Rockers give them stereo FIGURE-FOURS!
- Tony calling a match with Tully and Arn involved is TOO NWA for me. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Jannetty's been in for a really long time. Once Shawn makes the tag and the Rockers go on a roll, Shawn hits a big splash from Marty's shoulders onto Tully, but Arn pulls the referee out. So, the Brainbusters get disqualified at 22:27. What a lengthy match. Good stuff, but lacking oomph. And a finish. I believe their match at MSG that's on the Shawn DVD was better. ***1/2.
The Brooklyn Brawler is set to face The Red Rooster.
- Poor Terry Taylor. Brawler teased leaving, but, you know, he came back. Chinlocks are far too numerous in this bout, and seeing as the crowd didn't care in the first place, I don't blame the two for their use of them. Taylor wins with a backslide at 11:22. Yes, a backslide. *.
Bad News Brown vs. Hercules looks, um, strange.
- Yeah, strange. Bad News would've been a good dude to use during the Attitude Era. Bad News uses weapons, like the bell and a wooden chair. Both men fly to the outside, that's a double countout at 6:04. Bad News dumped Hercules to the outside, but the chain scared Bad News away. Throwaway match. 1/2*.
The Rougeau Brothers and Dino Bravo w/Frenchy Martin are set to face Jim Duggan and the Bushwhackers.
- All American Boys! Love that song. However, oh God, the Bushwhackers. Could've done without them. I hate these comedy matches, but this one has a lot more serious wrestling. Duggan cleans house, then hits Raymond with the 2x4, allowing Butch to pick up the pinfall victory at 11:35. 3/4*.
Big Bossman w/Slick is set to take on Hulk Hogan inside of a Steel Cage.
- Great main. Fast action early, as Slick tosses Bossman a chain. Referee opened the door to check both guys after the chainshot, and Hogan's up at 9. Hogan can't get through the door, so he suplexes Bossman instead. Hogan hits Bossman with the chain, and he's busted wide open. You could see the marks from Bossman's bladejob earlier in the day. Quite clearly! Big legdrop, up the cage, but Slick's holding on tight to Hogan's leg. Hogan kicks him away, and crotches Bossman on the top. He takes Slick's handcuffs, handcuffs Bossman to the top rope, and Hogan goes over and out for the win at 9:17. Hogan hits Bossman with the ringbell and tosses Slick into the cage. Hogan poses in the ring, and the show's over.
Their match earlier in the day at MSG was better. I remember it from an old Hulkamania video I rented at the old videostore a long time back. I could be mistaken, but I am 100% sure that match had a Hogan superplex from the top of the cage. This one was only ***. I don't know how they were able to run both MSG and Boston Garden in one day. Crazy. All the matches had the same winner, and in the case of Bad News/Hercules, the same double countout.
Rating: Good. Too much crud to wade through, but having two *** matches on a show from the 80's is a positive.
Best Segment: I love cage matches. Rockers/Busters was better, but cage matches are my favorite. So the main event. AGAIN.
Worst Segment: Bad News vs. Hercules really sucked.
ECW time next time. Living Dangerously 1999.
Okay, gotta get this one out of the way. Looks good.
Barry Windham and Mike Rotundaoaoaoaoaoaoa are introduced, prior to the Hardy Boys vs. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch for the World Tag Team Titles.
- Matt and Jeff are obviously very over. Duh. Legwork on Matt begins the heat period. Actually, the no heat period. Funny how I'm watching this and Murdoch was just released. I'm indifferent to that news.
- Jeff tagged in, cleaned house, but Murdoch pushed him off the top rope. Cade pins Jeff after a sky high at 8:52. **. Okay match.
King Booker and Queen Sharmell are in the back...I wasn't watching during the whole King Booker thing, but his accent is hilarious.
We see an Eddie Guerrero video to fit in with the whole Night of Champions theme, then we've got Jimmy Wang Yang challenging for Chavo Guerrero's Cruiserweight Title.
- Another video was shown during the entrances, this one being a...DEAN MALENKO video. We saw him in the back as well, then, the match begins. Yang's gimmick is shit.
- Good back and forth action. Much aerial stuff, and Chavo hipblocking Yang into the buckle was pretty noice. Seems like we're building to a good ending.
- Yang misses a moonsault, but counters a Gory Bomb as well, so he doesn't get beaten as quickly. He still loses of course, after a frog splash to the back by Chavo at 9:15. ***1/4, highly entertaining, most of all, had a clean finish and no dumbness. Yeah, no dumbness.
JR talks about the Vince McMahon blown up limo thing, and then we watch a video. Worst angle ever. Afterward, we see that there's a poll on WWE.com asking us who did it. Paul London's inclusion was LOL worthy.
Prior to CM Punk vs. Johnny Nitro for the vacant ECW Title, we got to see a Tazz highlight package. Oh wait, Taz. Not Tazz.
- Not much heat, cause, you know, we're in Houston. Bad Blood 2003 didn't have the noisiest crowd either.
- No GO TO SLEEP, but a Nitro swinging neckbreaker picks up the victory at 8:02. Okay. *1/2. Drab match, not a finish with impact...something I could've done without. Both seemed disinterested.
Orton and Foley do a ridiculous fake tension bit in the back, honest to God, this is WWE at its worst. I don't buy segments like this. Nobody does. The best way to get through to the fans is have guys take chairshot after chairshot and have the wrestler delivering the chairshots lick the blood of his opponent, BJ Penn style. Or choke them out into unconsciousness while the officials stand aside because they're so terrified it'll happen to them. The pull-apart bullshit sucks, and so does trading barbs in the back. Why talk when you're standing close enough to kick the guy's ass? Makes no sense. Anyway, WWE's attempts at drama constantly keep me from becoming interested in their product. Brutal stuff.
Ricky Steamboat is introduced, prior to Umaga vs. Santino Marella for the Intercontinental Championship.
- Too many champions going out first. Santino shakes Steamboat's hand prior to the contest. Nice touch. I guess I'll see how bad Santino is in ring, given that this will be longer than the usual two minute RAW match. Oh, wait. Guess not! Umaga gets DQ'd for excessive punching at 2:35. What the fuck? DUD thanks to that finish. Umaga squashes Santino after the bell. Obviously that was going to happen.
Some dude says that Vince McMahon's "death" is under investigation...for fuck's sake.
Magnum TA's in the crowd, as we watch Ric Flair vs. MVP for the United States Championship.
- MVP and Magnum did a bit of a faceoff. Nice touch there. A few elbows from MVP opened Flair up, but even some color couldn't save this match. It's not good. MVP pokes Flair in the eye, and gives him the PLAYMAKER, for the pinfall victory at 8:41. *. Really bad, but I feel obligated to give a star for Flair. But bad, like I said.
Todd Grisham is with John Cena, who then argues with Edge. That was far better than the Orton/Foley segment. Anything's better than talking low and sounding like it's the most serious moment of your life. Which it is not.
Rick Martel(!) and Tony Garea are in the crowd, to watch Jimmy Snuka and Sgt. Slaughter face Deuce and Domino w/Cherry for the WWE Tag Team Titles.
- Heels make fun of Martel and Garea prior to the match. Always nice to see Snuka though. If Snuka comes off the top, I'll mark.
- Problem is, Snuka can't run the ropes. Poor guy. No heat, bringing me to my next point. Only do shows with legends on them in the Northeast, St. Louis, or Chicago. WrestleMania fits too. Otherwise, don't. At least Slaughter can actually work. However, Snuka goes to the top, and his son reverses the crossbody for the win at 6:30. Nice touch. 1/2*. Heels attack afterward, until Martel and Garea make the save.
Batista vs. Edge is a Last Chance World Heavyweight Title Match. Batista does not win, he does not get another shot at Edge while he's champion.
- Harley Race is in the crowd. Yeah, boy.
- Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Michael Cole's little nicknames for everyone? "Smackdown's Resident Redneck!" "The Ultimate Opportunist!" Hate that fucking guy. Not feeling this show, either. These two tried the rasslin for a little too long. Gotta brawl, yo.
- Business picked up after a little while, but Edge lowblowed Batista for the DQ at 12:47. **1/4. Dull all around.
Wait a second, Teddy Long comes out, and restarts the match. Fooled me. If Edge gets disqualified, he loses his title.
- So, uh, Edge speared Batista really early, but couldn't get the win. Batista gives Edge a powerbomb on the floor, but he gets counted out at 2:07. I must take something off on principle. Final rating for the match is *3/4. Lame ass match. Batista Bomb after the match...okay.
Candice Michelle vs. Melina for the Women's Title...
- Good luck with this match. Terrible stuff. Candice wins with a spinwheel kick at 4:20. DUD. New champ, btw.
Prior to this match, JBL wanted recognition. The ring announcer read a speech, and then, we've got...
Bobby Lashley vs. Mick Foley vs. Randy Orton vs. King Booker w/Queen Sharmell vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship. Non elimination, first man to get a decision wins. No DQ, no countout.
- Lashley stole Brock's ring jump explosives. Gay. Booker's pirouetting is so funny. LOL stuff. No heat at all for the entrances...I can't take it anymore.
- Everyone wants to beat up Orton. They do, and then Lashley does a TOPE onto everyone. Impressive. I don't like how they tease Lashley vs. Cena. Lashley is not Brock Lesnar.
- There's action all over the place, which heats the crowd up. Lashley gets F-U'd through a table, and after a while, Foley hits Lashley, Booker, and Cena with a chair. Orton stops Foley and punts him, good thing, he was next. Confusion ensues, and Cena hits the F-U on Foley for the win at 10:08. Biggest no duh of all the time. No question Foley was taking the fall. ***1/2. Was fun, but way too short to matter. Would've been better if longer. Cena up against the odds is worn out.
Rating: Poor. Trying to be nice, but can't rate the show highly. It sucked. Period.
Best Segment: Basically every moment that the legends were on screen. Had I watched it live, would've been total mark time.
Worst Segment: Women's match. Nothing redeemable at all.
Boston show from March 1989 is next. Unfortunately this show wasn't as good as it looked.
Let's see how this compares to Nitro, shall we?
Rick Rude comes out, and wants everyone to shut up. I thought he was going to launch into the old routine. Similar, but instead of taking his robe off, he just asked everyone to be quiet. He cracks a few insurance jokes, and leaves. He sells insurance to all.
Owen Hart and The British Bulldog will face The Legion of Doom in our first match.
- Slaughter and Shawn Michaels were arguing in the back prior to this...
- At about the four minute mark, Animal tags in, and the Godwinns head down to the ring. One of them hits Animal with a slop bucket, and Owen pins Animal for the win at 4:58. *3/4. After the bout, all three teams fight. Nothing was solved.
Mankind has some comments about Taker...he still hasn't forgotten their feud not so long ago.
Shawn Michaels says that he's mad about the WWF, then we've got
Sunny to the ring, to introduce Brian Christopher vs. Flash Funk.
- Both Christopher and Funk had some recorded comments. Christopher wanted to face a heavyweight after his disappointing loss to Taka Michinoku. Vince's comments that try to put Flash over are hilarious. "Oh he's so funky." Picture it. Lawler wants his son to give Funk a piledriver, but his words distract Christopher, leading to a Funk 450 splash for the victory at 3:41. **.
Taker comments on Shawn, and then says that Mankind had better stay in line. Well, he's right.
The Sultan w/The Iron Sheik is up against Ken Shamrock.
- Shamrock is quite popular. Sheik jumps up on the apron and is given a belly-to-belly suplex. Shamrock rana's Sultan, slaps on the ANKLE LOCK, and Sultan taps out at 3:16. *1/2. Dominant performance.
The Nation of Domination comes down for an interview...Faarooq first. He says that Ahmed Johnson is a white man. No shit. He said that Ahmed couldn't be white if they sandblasted his ass. Very harsh. Just kidding about the "no shit" comment in regards to Ahmed being white. Rocky's got the microphone now, and calls the Disciples of Apocalypse a bunch of racists. Well, the Harris Brothers are part of the faction. I'd call it likely. It's a good heat promo from Rocky too. Calls the fans jackasses and that sort of thing, until DOA pop up on the TitanTron. They're there to kick ass. Come on down to the parking lot and they'll fight.
After HHH cuts a promo, they do fight. Until Los Boricuas take DOA's choppers. LOL.
Jesse Jammes vs. Brian Pillman in a dress...
- Funny dress, this one. I don't like this angle anymore. Goldust comes out and elbowdrops Jammes, which leads to Pillman getting DQ'd at 1:47. Good finish. That should happen in all "you must ________ if you lose" matches.
- Afterward, Pillman says that he'll leave if Goldust can beat him. Well! But, if Pillman beats Goldust, Marlena has to be Pillman's personal assistant for thirty days. Goldust declines, but Pillman says that Dakota is his lovechild. Goldust runs to the ring to beat Pillman up, but can't get to him. Marlena accepts Pillman's challenge, and Goldust ain't too happy about it.
Vader cuts a promo, and now that the Warzone has begun, it's TIME. Vader's facing the Patriot.
- Bret comes down the aisle, just to stand there. Don't like the way they use Vader, jobbing him out, I mean. Bret being out to watch sucks all the heat out of the match. Or maybe this is the Atlantic City crowd. We'll see. Full nelson slam gets the win for the Patriot at 4:56. Good win for him. **.
Vader knocks the Patriot off the apron, and beats him up on the inside. He's going to give Patriot a VADER BOMB, but Bret places the Canadian flag on Patriot. That pissed Vader off pretty bad. Vader breaks the Canadian flag, then he and Bret fight. Patriot won't let Vader get beat up, either. Go Vader!
Bret cuts a promo in the back, says that Vader's next after the Patriot. Well, go figure.
Steve Austin had a great sit down interview with Jim Ross in which he talked about his neck injury. Great. Great. Great.
Triple H and Shawn Michaels w/Chyna are now going to face The Undertaker and Mankind in the main event...
- Shawn's interaction with Chyna prior to the match was funny. Think it's kinda funny that WWF and WCW ran two big tag matches on the same night.
- All these dudes are still involved with the company. BUT TAKER RETIURD!1!11!1
- Before the commercial, Rick Rude came out. Good. Total brawl in front of a not heated AC crowd, Rude distracts, which leads to HHH being given a chokeslam by Taker. Shawn hits Taker in the head with a chair for the DQ at 8:31, and Taker blades. Again in the head, then Taker sits up, and the future DX leaves. All over. **3/4.
Rating: Great. Angles were really top notch, and wrestling was okay for TV. However, crowd sucked a fat one.
Best Segment: I liked when Vader kicked Bret's ass.
Worst Segment: Pillman in a dress.
RAW wins this time, by far. Next I'll review Vengeance 2007.
Sorry I couldn't do the Boston show. I was too wrapped up in NHL free agency and couldn't find time to do it before it went off. We're gonna separate the Nitro and RAW reviews again.
Comments from Raven open the show. Guess what sort of things he says. Not a very typical WCW open, mind.
Harlem Heat w/Jacqueline vs. Scott Norton and Buff Bagwell w/Vincent is going to be our first match.
- Jackie shows up with the Heat during Nitro for the first time. I really like the Southern crowds that ooo every move. You know what I'm talkin' about. Booker's in, and he's a house of fire. Vincent interferes, that gives Harlem Heat the win by DQ at 4:36. Booker beats all of them up. All. *3/4. Nice way to give Booker a short little push there.
Next up, we've got the Barbarian facing Mortis w/James Vandenberg.
- LOL. Just a funny match. Mortis has a great moveset, as you all know. Not near as heated as the last match, but Barbarian wins with a big boot at 2:22. Weird time. Anyway, Wrath comes out and gives Barb the DEATH PENALTY. OMG. Then Meng runs out and puts the GRIP on Wrath until Wrath and Mortis gather themselves and leave. *1/4.
Eric Bischoff comes out, and says that he wants everyone to come to the NWO Birthday Party at Clash XXXV this Thursday. I already covered that. Bischoff says that a restraining order was given to Larry Z as well. I did not know this.
Curt Hennig and Ric Flair then have an interview with Mean Gene, in which they talk about the Clash. Hennig still is not a Horseman.
Stevie Richards vs. Scotty Riggs will be Richards first match on Nitro...
- Knowing what will happen to both, this is funny! Somewhat lengthy for this sort of match, and unfortunately, it wasn't anything special. STEVIEKICK finishes Riggs at 5:13, then Raven comes through the crowd and gives Richards a DDT. Raven got a huge babyface reaction. HUGE. *.
Jeff Jarrett and Eddie Guerrero talked with Mean Gene...Alex Wright apparently wants to join their group. But Debra says that he needs a title first. Okay. They cut out Jarrett and Guerrero vs. Benoit and Mongo, I believe.
Paid announcement by the NWO...
Hour #2 begins with an Outsiders promo. They talk about how everyone came to see the NWO, that this is NWO Country and that stuff. Luger and Page will face them tonight, I don't think they care.
Syxx vs. Ric Flair is now.
- They were talking earlier about this being Konnan vs. Ric Flair. Suppose not.
- Competitive, but you can see that Flair is just not feeling it tonight. Syxx misses the BRONCOBUSTER, so Flair beats him up. FIGURE-FOUR time, but the B-Team comes in and beats Flair up until Hennig runs out for the save. 5:46 the time, Flair wins by DQ. **.
JJ Dillon and Gene Okerlund talk about the referee situation from Road Wild...then Randy Anderson and Nick Patrick argue and I don't care at all.
LA PARKA w/Sonny Onoo vs. Ultimo Dragon is for the TV Title...
- Dragon with the plancha! Good action, of course. Onoo kicks Dragon a bunch on the outside, but Dragon gives La Parka a frankensteiner, prior to applying the DRAGON SLEEPER. Onoo distracts the Dragon, but accidentally knees La Parka in the back, allowing the DRAGON SLEEPER to be locked in, for the submission at 4:08. Dragon retains. **1/2, for much fun.
Curt Hennig is going to face The Giant.
- The green lighting during the Giant's entrance makes him look pretty funny. Why they would job Hennig here I have no idea.
- Bischoff comes out, and says that the Giant's violating the restraining order. Now this makes sense. Doug Dillinger says that the Giant doesn't have to get back, but the Giant walks over and gets counted out at 3:43. He then stares down Bischoff, and Bischoff turns around, but...Larry Z is in his way. Oh man. Bischoff tries to run into the crowd, can't make it, and they both chase him to the back. 1/2* for the match.
Mean Gene is with JJ Dillon, who says that he isn't sure Sting wants to be a part of WCW anymore. Sting needs to step up his effort, and he has until the Clash to say something. Sting comes down, puts hands on Dillon, and points to some signs. You know what signs. Then he grabs a sign that says Hulk vs. Sting. Oh yeah!
After a paid announcement from the NWO...
Diamond Dallas Page and Lex Luger are facing The Outsiders for the WCW Tag Team Championships.
- Toothpick on Luger is LOL worthy, as always. Nash wants to fight Page, and he's got Page. Very heated match we have here...Page is the face in peril, btw. I don't understand how the match at the Clash is supposed to draw ratings when you've got this main on Nitro...
- Glad we got a REAL main event tonight. After drawing the big tag out as long as possible, Luger tags in at the 13 minute mark. Crowd went batshit, but as soon as Luger enters, the NWO interferes, at 13:41. Made perfect sense. For three quarters of a match, I can only go with **1/4, but with a good ending sequence and finish, would've been three stars easy. Anyway, the NWO beats up Luger and Page, until Ric Flair and the Giant run down and even things up. They kick ass, too, as the babyfaces regain the advantage. And that should've been your WCW WarGames team right there, facing Syxx, Nash, Hall, and Savage. But then you have the problem of filling out a terrible midcard, and Hogan wasn't showing up. So, NAW.
Rating: Good. I thought the main was pretty fun, and the angles were somewhat enjoyable.
Best Segment: Whole main event thing.
Worst Segment: Bischoff's waste of time promo inviting everyone to the NWO Birthday Party. Okay.
RAW from the same week will be next.
Tony, Brain, and Lee Marshall will commentate.
Scott Hall will face Konnan...
- First, Hall cuts a promo. No surprise there. Everyone wants to see the Wolfpac, judging by the survey he gave.
- The match begins, and you could tell that Hall is drunk. No surprise there. Some guy with a sign walks by, and the sign says "Who booked this crap?" Awesome. Hall makes sure that people begin to boo him by cheating, and he wins with the OUTSIDERS EDGE at 6:40. **. Sloppy as could be, but still entertaining.
Raven w/Lodi is going to face Horace, after Raven cuts a promo.
- Love the sign gimmick. Lodi keeps Raven from hitting Horace with a stop sign for some reason. I don't know why. Raven's Rules, don't forget. The rest of the Flock comes out, and they all run in when Lodi won't beat up Horace, which is a, um, no contest at 3:31. Saturn runs out and everyone stops beating Horace up...then Horace and the rest of the Flock beats up Saturn. Kanyon runs out and beats up the Flock...until Saturn hits Kanyon. What the fuck is this? * for the match, negatives for the angle.
Tony interviews Stevie Ray...who wants to face The Giant. You see, Jericho was able to steal the TV Title that Stevie was holding for Booker thanks to The Giant. Stevie must get that belt back.
Chavo Guerrero w/Pepe(!) vs. Chris Jericho for the Television Title is right now.
- I love Pepe. Apparently, Jericho broke him a while back. Damn him.
- A commercial is in the middle, and after a very fun match, Jericho breaks Pepe again. LOL. I busted up pretty good. Chavo had the funniest look on his face. Chavo goes under the ring, and hits Jericho with a Pepe-on-a-bat for the DQ at 7:30(shown). What the hell. **1/2. Hilarious show thus far.
Mike Tenay is on commentary...Bret Hart comes down, and says he won't lose. Period.
After that, Public Enemy are going to face Disco Inferno and Alex Wright w/Tokyo Magnum.
- The latter group is the best ever. E-V-E-R. The Disco gimmick would no doubt get over today. PE's table comes in, and Tokyo takes the hit, keeping Wright from beign down for the count. Wright gives Grunge a neckbreaker, picking up the win at 3:24. Meng attacks after the match for no apparent reason at all, and gives everyone the TONGAN DEATH GRIP. Jimmy Hart sends Barbarian to the ring, and he's given a TONGAN DEATH GRIP too. So everyone is left in the ring thanks to Meng. 1/2* for the match.
Kevin Nash cuts a promo about wanting Goldberg to join the Wolfpac, and then we've got Kevin Nash vs. Curt Hennig w/Rick Rude.
- Weird matchup. Although Hennig vs. Rude would've been fun back in the day.
- Hennig's on too many steroids. He's gigantic. Rude hits the referee at around 3:15, but the bell never rings. Rude gets ready to fight Nash, and Scott Hall sneaks in to attack Nash. They kick his ass, until Lex Luger runs down and saves Nash. I like Rude's character. 1/2*.
Stevie Ray vs. Eddie Guerrero is right now.
- This should be grand. The Giant and Scott Hall are drinking (lol) in the aisleway, as these two combatants are fucking this up something fierce. Stevie poked Eddie in the eye and my cousin went OOOH! Like real loud. So, of course, I laughed. I don't know how WCW could let Eddie Guerrero get squashed by this slug, but he did, and it was finished with the SLAPJACK at 4:05. -*. Just watch the match if you don't agree with my rating. There were mistakes all over the place.
Now, in our main event, we have Bret Hart vs. Lex Luger for the United States Championship.
- I hate when wrestlers don't wear their gear. And Luger's not. This isn't a dream match, but it's still one that people would be interested in. Bret dominates the match until the 7 minute mark, at which point Luger takes control with a few clotheslines. Bret grabs a chair, but can't use it. Luger grabs a hold of it, but the referee takes it, only to have Bret push Luger into the poor little guy. Bret DDT's Luger on the chair, but the cover only got two. SHARPSHOOTER'S on, and we've got a new United States Champion as Luger passes out at 9:38. **, and the show's over.
Rating: Decent. Average show, with much hilarity. Gotta watch it.
Best Segment: Chavo vs. Jericho
Worst Segment: Stevie Ray vs. Eddie Guerrero was an embarassment to wrestling. And the stuff with the Flock was pretty bad too.
I'll review that Boston house show next.
After Road Wild, and The Giant has been given a restraining order. Oh Lord, these angles suck. Also, we're from Denver!
The Wolfpac come out, talk about the Steiners, and then, The Outsiders take on two jobbers.
- The Steiners music hit, which introduced the Outsiders opponents. How cute. Nash jackknifes the one with red hair for the win at 1:28. 1/4*. Lame. Steiners run through the crowd and beat the Wolfpac up. Good!
Meng is taking on Wrath w/James Vandenberg...
- They meet in the aisle, and Meng beats him up on the inside. Haku vs. Adam Bomb is the stuff of dreams. Meng applies the TONGAN DEATH GRIP, which gets THE WIN at 2:40. So, Wrath's first TV loss is to a lower midcard guy in less than three minutes. That makes a lot of sense. *. Mortis and Barbarian run down to beat each other up.
The Steiners and Ted DiBiase are with Gene Okerlund, for an interview. They say that the Outsiders were lucky to have had such an incompetent official for their match at Road Wild.
Eddie Guerrero faces Chris Jericho here...
- One of many matches soon to take place between these two. After Jericho german's Eddie on his head, he gives Eddie a GIANT SWING. Eddie crotches Jericho on the top rope, and FROG SPLASHES him from all the way across the ring. All over at 4:33. **1/4. Entertaining.
Alex Wright invades during a Nitro Girl performance, then cuts a promo about how bad these fans are.
Now we've got Dean Malenko against Jeff Jarrett w/Debra for the US Title.
- Road Wild explains this matchup. Read the results. Jarrett wanted to leave the area, but an appearance from Mongo brought him back to the ring. Some WarGames hype follows from our commentary crew, and then Dean applies the TEXAS CLOVERLEAF. Eddie Guerrero runs in, and along with Jarrett, beats Dean up for the DQ at 4:13 (shown). *1/2. Mongo hits all the heels, and Dean beats up Mongo when he comes to. Weird.
Mean Gene is with Curt Hennig and Ric Flair...then the other Four Horsemen come out, and they talk about Hennig's match against Savage later tonight, and the Clash XXXV tag between Hennig & Flair who are facing Konnan and Syxx.
Hour #2 begins, with Scott Norton and Eric Bischoff coming down to the ring. The Giant was supposed to face Norton, but this whole restraining order thing got in the way. Other NWO guys came out and sung happy birthday to Hogan...so, the guy wins the World Title on the previous night and doesn't come to TV the next day. That makes a ton of sense. Buff Bagwell spraypaints the fifty feet line, and the Giant comes out to cross it. WHOA. Larry Z comes out to bring him back, and Scott Hall toothpicks Larry. They nearly fight. All done!
Lex Luger calls out Hulk Hogan, and then, we have Buff Bagwell w/Vincent vs. DDP.
- Strange matchup. Not very entertaining, although competitive. DIAMOND CUTTER finishes at 4:09 after Vincent botches interference. *.
On the Road...
We've got Mortis w/James Vandenberg vs. Ultimo Dragon for the Television Title...
- Now THIS is a strange matchup. Dragon powerbombs Mortis from the second rope and locks in the DRAGON SLEEPER for the submission at 3:09. *3/4. I do not understand why Mortis and Wrath have been jobbed out tonight.
JJ Dillon wants Sting back, Sting comes to the ring, and Dillon offers him a contract to face Syxx. Syxx? That's a step down from last week, when Dillon asked him to face Curt Hennig. Sting rips the contract up and leaves.
In our main event, we have Curt Hennig vs. Randy Savage w/Liz.
- All I can think about while watching this is, if only this had happened 9 years earlier. Page runs down for the no contest at 3:05, and he gets beaten up by Hall and Savage. Elbowdrops galore, as Hennig has been tossed out. Luger runs down, and we have our Clash XXXV main event. Easy as that. 1/2*, end show.
Rating is poor, didn't care for this at all. Best segment was Eddie/Jericho, worst was Savage/Hennig. Cause it was disappointing, you know?
RAW this week is from Biloxi, Mississippi.
Shawn Michaels is out, talking about SummerSlam and such, before the crowd chants that he's gay. "Why don't you ask your mom and sister how gay I am?" Slaughter comes out, spits in Shawn's face, and tells him to face Mankind. Okay. HBK talks about his insurance policy...
The British Bulldog and Owen Hart are out, to watch Hawk face Henry Godwinn in a Country Whippin' Match.
- To win, you must toss your opponent out of the ring. Both guys have straps, but they are not attached to each other. Owen and Bulldog both challenge the Patriot during commentary...
- Both men's partners run in, and Henry gets knocked out by Animal at 3:48, so Hawk wins. 1/2*.
Slaughter tosses Pillman his ring gear, as a guy named Tony Williams faces Scott Putski.
- Goldust comes out to watch, because he's going to show us a split-screen view of Pillman putting on his dress. Oh Lord. Pillman's really distraught about this whole situation, and he can't even get the dress on. Polish Hammer wins, I had to open the front door so I don't have the etime. Anyway, Slaughter makes Goldust leave after the match. *.
Taker's going to watch Shawn Michaels vs. Mankind later. Okay.
Flash Funk is facing Brian Pillman.
- Nice dress! Vince and the crew hype Hardcore Heaven 1997 a bit, then Slaugher says that Bulldog and Owen will face the Patriot and a partner of his choosing. All these fucking cameos during matches are pissing me off. Ridiculous. Goldust comes out, and shows us the footage of Pillman putting on his dress. Funk cradles Pillman from behind for the win at 3:16. *1/4.
Dude Love comes out, for an interview. It's pretty funny. He talks about the damage Mankind will do to Shawn Michaels, until Shawn Michaels appears on the TitanTron and rebutts these statements.
Warzone begins, with Owen Hart and the British Bulldog facing the Patriot and his mystery partner...KEN SHAMROCK!
- With Shamrock being the partner, Bulldog is quite terrified. After a commercial, we come back, and Bret Hart is on the walkway. Patriot makes the hot tag, and cleans house. Slaughter keeps Bret from walking down the ramp, and the referee is distracted as well. A chair comes in, the Hart Foundation can't use it, but Patriot full-nelson slams Bulldog onto the chair for the win at 8:06. **.
Shawn's with his insurance policy...but you can't see his face.
During a Patriot interview, Bret attacks the Patriot. Of course, he kicks his ass. Obviously.
Faarooq is scheduled to face Chainz...
- This will suck. Chainz clotheslines Faarooq into the referee on accident, and...Rocky Maivia(?) runs into the ring. ROCK BOTTOM on Chainz(!), and Faarooq pins him for the win at 3:04. What a surprise. 1/2*. I like it!
Sable's supposed to be the ring announcer for this next match, but Patriot comes to the ring and calls out Bret Hart. Bret Hart comes, and they fight. When the Hart Foundation come down, they really kick the Patriot's ass. Nobody runs in either.
Mankind tells Shawn Michaels that his insurance policy had better be life insurance...
and after a Brakus vignette, we have
Shawn Michaels vs. Mankind in our main event.
- Mankind brought a trash can. Unfortunately, Shawn put it on Mankind and the trash back stayed on the big lug. All covered up! This is a huge brawl, featuring lots of weird shit. Mick gets backdropped onto the announce table, and then for some reason, Shawn flies off the apron with an elbowdrop onto the announce table. These two have good chemistry. After Shawn rans Mankind's head into the post and back suplexes him onto the announce table, HHH and Chyna make their way out, as we head to a commercial.
- We're back, and Mankind's mask has been ripped off. RICK RUDE(!) walks down to the ring, stands there for a moment, and then grabs a chair. He clocks Mick in the head with it, and SWEET CHIN MUSIC leads to the pinfall victory at 8:42. ***1/2 for an outstanding TV match. Undertaker heads down to the ring, but Paul Bearer shows up on the TitanTron. KANE IS COMING. You will BURN IN HELL!
So yeah, show over.
Raw was good this time around, best segment was HBK/Mankind and the worst was Putski/Williams, in which we had to watch Pillman get dressed. Ugh.
Way better than Nitro.
REVIEW WCW THUNDER
Yeah, I'm reviewing that next.
It took me a while to watch this, but I finally did. I had to make time.
After our National Anthem and introduction of our commentary team (including Art Donovan!), we have Razor Ramon taking on Bam Bam Bigelow in a King of the Ring Quarterfinal Bout.
- Nearly forgot, Bam Bam's accompanied by his MAIN SQUEEZE, Luna Vachon. Like the matchup.
- Razor toothpicked Luna, which allowed Bam Bam to attack. Back and forth stuff, until a Bam Bam resthold, which is a TORTURE RACK. Seriously. Bam Bam goes to the top after some nice moves, but Razor schoolboy's him from the top rope for the victory at 8:25.
Crowd's happy, but the match was nothing special at all. While I liked the matchup, the match itself wasn't so good in execution. Glad we didn't see more from these two, and if we did on television, I haven't seen it. *3/4.
Todd Pettingill is with Mabel and IRS, and Irwin cuts a bad promo. He does that quite a bit. Mabel's, however, is okay.
IRS vs. Mabel w/Oscar is obviously our next Quarterfinal Match.
- Oscar raps. That's about it. IRS walks out with no music, and talks about the tax cheats that are populating our crowd tonight.
- I hate Mabel, btw. I hate Art Donovan too. That said, this match could be much worse. Mabel goes up to the second rope, but IRS shakes the ropes, knocking him down. IRS pins Mabel, for the victory at 5:39.
While saying it could be much worse, it's still bad. Bad enough to slap a 1/2* on it and do my best to forget the whole thing. THE WHOLE THING.
While Stan Lane does an interview with Lex Luger, we watch the video that led to Lex Luger not being able to make the King of the Ring proceedings tonight, as he lost to Jeff Jarrett. Crush attacked.
Tatanka is facing Owen Hart in our third King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match...
- All that pink. Nice to see Owen. My cousin thinks that Tatanka will win, btw.
- Razor and IRS were fighting in the back, as Owen and Tatanka went to a chinlock. Good timing! Tatanka tries a sunset flip during his comeback, but Owen sits on him for the three count at 8:20.
Quite good. Better than I remembered as well. Tatanka's no **** guy, but he could work back in the day. Which was good, I mean, with that gimmick and all. **3/4.
Todd Pettingill is with Shawn Michaels and Diesel, interviewing them before Diesel's big match later on. We flashback to their attack on Bret Hart during RAW a few weeks ago, as well.
In our last King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match, we have Jeff Jarrett vs. The 1-2-3 Kid.
- Jarrett's ring attire is always really homosexual. The way Art Donovan asks about everyone is super annoying. Is it too much to ask that the guest commentator be educated about the product?
- Jarrett gives Kid a SLINGSHOT SUPLEX...awesome. If I was a wrestler, some variation of that would be my finisher. Kid pushed Jarrett off the top and crossbodied him for two, I haven't watched this in a while, but I was sure it was over. Jarrett tries a FIGURE-FOUR, but Kid cradles him for the win at 4:39. Jarrett attacks after the match...ONE PILEDRIVER. TWO PILEDRIVER. THREE PILEDRIVER. I believe the 1-2-3 Kid has died.
**1/2, post-match attack included. How could anyone not like that beatdown. I'll reference this beatdown later.
A video for the New Generation shows up (also to be referenced later), and then, Bret Hart cuts a promo. Obviously, for the next match.
Champion vs. Champion, Diesel (Intercontinental Champion) w/Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart w/Jim Neidhart for the World Wrestling Federation Championship.
- Bret's new theme debuts. Description of this match and others in the future that I find to be needing it will be more detailed. We'll see if Diesel carries his share of the load. After Diesel missed a charge and his knee rammed into the ringpost, Bret went to work. Really went to work. Shawn clotheslines Bret with the referees back turned, ending that. So Neidhart gives chase, but he can't catch Shawn.
- Diesel botches a bearhug, and winds up in Bret's guard on the canvas. OOPS, wrong form of entertainment. Bret misses a pescado, as the ten minute mark passes...
- Constant double teams on Bret follow, and with the referee distracted, Shawn loosens a turnbuckle pad. I suppose Diesel has carried his share of the load. Bret rams Diesel into the exposed turnbuckle, and applies the SHARPSHOOTER. Shawn's going nuts on the outside, and when Diesel gets out of the hold, he can't even do an Irish whip. That blown up. Bret gives Diesel a ROLLING BOSTON CRAB when Diesel stands over him, but Diesel makes the ropes. Diesel hits Neidhart and Shawn clocks Bret with a title belt, then Diesel elbowdrops Bret, for two. Neidhart runs in, and clotheslines Diesel after a JACKKNIFE on Bret, leading to a DQ win for Diesel at 22:51. Then Neidhart leaves, and Shawn piledrives Bret, leading to officials making their entry and forcing the heels to the back.
Epic carryjob from Bret here. No doubt Nash's best match to that point. ***1/2, even though he was blown up near the end.
After Pettingill interviews Jerry Lawler, we have Razor Ramon vs. IRS in our first King of the Ring Semifinal Match.
- IRS cuts an awful promo, one the likes of which cannot even be repeated in seriousness. Geez, keep the guy away from the mic. One good thing about this, it's the end of Razor and IRS' little vendetta. Razor dominates a boring contest, and finishes with THE EDGE at 5:13.
*. Not bery fun.
Todd Pettingill was supposed to interview the 1-2-3 Kid, but he didn't show up for the interview. HOWEVER, he made it to the ring for his King of the Ring Semifinal Match against Owen Hart.
- Owen gave Kid a baseball slide to start, which hurt Kid's neck even more. Then both guys go to war. Could you imagine if this match had gone, say, 12-15 minutes? Owen powerbombs Kid on a Kid rana attempt, and Owen locks in the SHARPSHOOTER. Kid gives at 3:38.
Wow, what a short little match. *** easy. Felt like WCW Nitro with the bumps and overall shortness.
Stan Lane and Ted DiBiase are talking during a 900 line thing, then we have Yokozuna and Crush w/Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette vs. The Headshrinkers w/Captain Lou Albano and Afa for the WWF Tag Team Titles.
- Fatworld. Would it have been so hard to have the Steiners hold the belts longer or more often? Seriously, after the Bret/Owen breakup, have the Quebecers drop the belts. Not some bullshit with Men on a Mission. Not interested in this match, but I like this version of Crush much better. He's a tough dude.
- Lex Luger ran down and distracted Crush, but it didn't lead to a Headshrinker victory. Close though. Fatu superkicks Crush, and that does get the win at 9:34. Luger and Crush fight, and the Headshrinkers come in to help Luger get the best of it. Yay!
Who cares, really, just a throwaway matchup involving a makeshift team and a pile of shit team. *1/2. Meaningless.
Todd Pettingill interviews Owen Hart before his match with Razor Ramon, in the King of the Ring Final. Nothing important was said.
- I like Razor's back suplex off the top. Owen backdrops him out on a RAZOR'S EDGE attempt, and the Anvil comes down to clothesline Razor. Uh...
- Owen comes off the top with a big elbowdrop, getting the pinfall win at 6:36.
Sizeable babyface reaction, not that I blame anyone. Owen was always very likeable, even during this phase. **1/4.
While they're putting the boots to Razor, Raymond Rougeau is with Bret Hart, who doesn't really care about Owen's King of the Ring victory.
Coronation. Owen makes Todd Pettingill get on his knees, and then proclaims himself to be the KING OF HARTS!
Finally, our main event, which exemplifies our NEW GENERATION. Jerry Lawler vs. Roddy Piper.
- Lawler talked trash, before Piper's bagpipe entrance. Lawler humiliated some kid on RAW, and Piper brings the kid with him to the ring. Piper came to kick ass, he says.
- This isn't as bad as I thought it would be. When I watched this show the first time around, I used my fast-forward button. A piledriver occurs, which has lost its impact after the four times it's been used earlier. Lawler has brass knuckles, hits Piper, as the referee is out. The kid keeps Lawler from getting the win, and Piper back suplexes Lawler for the win at 12:16.
Thank God that's over. A DUD for sure. Of course, I'm trying to be nice. That match was awful.
Rating: Poor. A very poor outing from the WWF. Owen winning KotR is choice. The rest, blah.
Best Segment: Bret vs. Diesel. Strange with the Anvil and all.
Worst: Lawler vs. Piper. Duh.
I'll review RAW and Nitro sometime soon.
Here we go, the first King of the Ring on PPV!
Ross, Savage, and Heenan on commentary. And we jump right to...Razor Ramon vs. Bret Hart in a King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match.
- This is also a rematch from the Royal Rumble, in case you forgot. Both guys are O-V-E-R. There's a big 1-2-3 chant in reference to Razor's loss to the Kid a few weeks ago. I haven't seen that in a while.
- Razor clotheslines Bret, sets him up on top for a back suplex, but Bret lands on top, picking up the pinfall victory at 10:27. So, Bret advances to the semifinals, to face the winner of our next bout. Also, I must mention that Razor stomped on Bret's fingers at some point in the match.
-When Razor wants to work, he can. I thought that Bret's cradle after slipping out of the Edge would be the victory, but it wasn't. Always nice to be surprised. Anyhow, I've got no problem slapping a ***1/4 rating on this. Wrestling was good, crowd loved it, and I did too. All that needs to happen, did.
We look to Superstars, when Giant Gonzalez and the Undertaker were fighting. Then Mr. Hughes came in, and hit the Undertaker with his own urn. Hughes stole it, too.
Quite obviously, that means Mr. Hughes w/Harvey Wippleman is going to face Mr. Perfect in a King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match.
- Anyone who wrestles while wearing sunglasses is fine by me. We go to a split-screen in which Bret Hart says that he'd rather face Mr. Perfect than Mr. Hughes. Ok. Hughes botches a Perfect crossbody attempt, so he and Perfect dosey-do down to the canvas. That was funny.
- Hughes grabs the stolen urn, and hits Perfect with it for the DQ loss at 6:01. Ugh. Dumb finish. Especially made dumb by Hughes not ever facing Taker in a big television or PPV match, but hey, what can you do? I also don't understand why Hughes didn't make the jump back to WCW when he left the WWF...Oh yeah, the rating. 3/4*. The botched crossbody was super funny.
Mean Gene is with Mr. Fuji and Yokozuna...Fuji says that Hogan cheated to win the belt. I don't disagree. Then Yoko says some stuff about America, and we're done.
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan is our next Quarterfinal Match...
- Hooooo!!! Lock-up, and Bigelow's shoulderblock does nothing.
- Duggan's three point stance shoulder-tackle misses, hitting the buckle, so Bigelow's up top, diving headbutt, pinfall win for the Beast from the East at 4:59. Average. Made better by Duggan losing cleanly...that's really all there is to say. *1/4.
Lex Luger vs. Tatanka is our final King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match.
- That was a really fast transitition to this match. Had to have been edited. Anyhow, about Luger, I can't believe Vince couldn't make him a success. The referee makes Luger wear an elbowpad, so he can't use the LOADED FOREARM.
- Heenan begins to ramble about Tatanka..."Many moon come before I win match." I really laughed, just because. We cut to a split-screen with Bam Bam Bigelow. He wants to face the Indian.
-Tatanka misses a chop off the top, so Luger gives him a clothesline and powerslam for two. Luger follows with a suplex, that gets two. A backbreaker gets two, and we have a DRAW at 14:58. 15 minute time-limit, remember? After the match, Luger asks for five more minutes, to a big pop. Tatanka turns around to leave, and gets hit with the LOADED FOREARM. To another ovation. Well, no wonder he made the turn. Bam Bam gets a bye to the final.
- Pretty good show these two put on, IMO. Could've been worse, given what was in there, but I thought Luger did well. You could see the positives from having good matches with others. I'm going to call this **1/4. I might be all alone with that rating.
Mean Gene stirs up shit with Bret Hart and Mr. Perfect, who are facing each other in the Semifinal Round of the King of the Ring. Gene asked whose dad was better and that sort of thing. Good stuff.
- Perfect acts like he'll let Bret back in, but he kicks him. Heh. Now, you know who's going to play heel. Perfect launches Bret from the apron into the steel guardrail, so now Bret's knee is hurt, in addition to a few fingers that were taped up at the beginning of the match.
- We go to the SHARPSHOOTER, but Perfect grabs Bret's injured fingers and stomps on them. Oh hell no, you monster. He tries a PERFECT-PLEX, but Bret suplexes him down ot the floor. Fantastic match. Perfect cradles Bret for two back on the inside, but Bret reverses for the pinfall, advancing to the King of the Ring Final and a match with Bam Bam Bigelow at 18:56.
- Much like Scott Keith, I think this was better than their meeting at SummerSlam 1991. Shocking! Particularly liked how the broken fingers came into play. That was choice. ****1/2.
Mean Gene is with Hulk Hogan, who is defending his WWF Championship against Yokozuna, right now!
- Who doesn't like Jimmy Hart, now, seriously? The placement of this match on the card definitely gives away the result. A Yoko belly-to-belly gets two, so we have a HULK-UP. Yawn. Hogan finally puts Yoko down after THREE big boots, but the LEGDROP only gets a two count. Now a photographer gets on the apron, shoots a fireball at Hogan, and Yoko drops a leg of his own for the victory at 13:11. BANZAI DROP afterward, and it's over for Hogan. ALL OVER.
- Uh, awfully boring. Historic, but really bad. If Yokozuna has to carry a match, well, it's going to be shit. I like him because he was on the first PPV I ever watched, but seriously now. 1/2*. I did like Yoko's title reign, though. It was good stuff (for a fat lug), especially the shit with Crush.
Shawn and Diesel are in the back, and Shawn is just TEARING INTO Hulk Hogan. I'm going to guess this was a contingency plan in case Hulk stayed. Hulk feuds with Diesel to get to Shawn. LOL. Like I said, a guess. Shawn called Hogan a dinosaur, which was good for a laugh.
Next up, an eight-man tag. We've got the Steiner Brothers and The Smokin' Gunns vs. Money Inc. and the Headshrinkers w/Afa.
- Non-elimination, btw. DiBiase's looking a little pudgy.
- MILLION DOLLAR DREAM...but Billy puts DiBiase in a small package for the victory at 7:03. After the match, they brawl, and the faces get the best.
- Rick Steiner didn't even enter. That was weird. Anyway, just a simple, throwaway match to try and bring the fans back. We'll see how that last part worked out later on. **.
Crush is facing Shawn Michaels w/Diesel for the Intercontinental Title, after Yokozuna had an interview in the back.
- This is a strange match. IMO, Crush came around about three years later than he should have. Perfect gimmick for the 80's. Savage talks about potential for Crush/Yoko...
- Crush dominates the match, until he clotheslines Shawn over the top. Doink is at the ramp...I SEE THREE OF THEM. WHAT THE FUCK. Actually, it's two. They distracted Crush somethin' good, so Shawn superkicked the big Hawaiian in the back of the head for the victory at 11:14. Crush chases the Doink's to the back, of course. **1/4 is my rating. Shawn did all the work, but Crush held up his end of the bargain. This could've been brutal.
Mean Gene talks to Bam Bam Bigelow before he faces Bret Hart in the King of the Ring Final...
- Bret favors the leg on the way down. And gets dominated throughout. Luna Vachon came down and hit Bret with a chair, stacking the odds further. Bret comes in afterward, gets slammed and given the flying headbutt off the top for three at 9:23. NO, WAIT A SECOND. Another referee comes out, and says no. No, because of Luna. Some people are leaving, but the match will restart. And everyone runs back to their seats.
- Bret and Bam Bam proceed to tear the house down, ya heard. Bam Bam misses a charge to the corner, and Bret gives him a victory roll for a three count and huge pop at 18:17. Great match, highly underrated. ****. Savage congratulates, as...
Bret moves to the stage, to be crowned king! Jerry Lawler comes to the stage, and says that he's the only king in the World Wrestling Federation. Bret needs to bow and kiss Lawler's feet, he says. Bret calls him the Burger King, which births a chant that I abhor to this day. As thanks for said chant, Lawler takes Bret out with a scepter. Then Lawler tosses the throne onto Bret, and beats the shit out of him. He kicks Bret off the platform, and we're out of time. That was an intense angle. I loved it, as is the case with many end of show PPV angles.
Rating: Great. Bret's one man show. Must see. All that stuff.
Best Segment: I've gotta give the angle with Lawler and Bret its due. The crowd was really, really hating Lawler. On one hand, the show was almost all in favor of heels. That's something for the live fans to not like.
Worst Segment: Hughes vs. Perfect. For meaninglessness.
I'll review King of the Ring 1994, just like I did this one. My brother graduates tomorrow, so I won't watch it until later in the week.
I've been wanting to watch this...all those darn tag teams.
Tony Schiavone and Magnum TA are the hosts...but Jim Ross and Jesse Ventura are the commentators.
Eric Bischoff is now with Bill Watts, who explains some differences in the rules of the matchups tonight. In the NWA Tag Team Tournament matches, you can come off the top rope and that sort of thing. But in the WCW Championship match, you can't. That makes no fucking sense at all. Typical WCW.
The Miracle Violence Connection are already in the semifinals after beating the Steiners at Clash 19. So, now, we've got the second match of the quarterfinals for the NWA Tag Team Titles, which is Jushin Liger and Brian Pillman vs. Nikita Koloff and Ricky Steamboat.
Blow-by-Blow: Quite the interesting match here, and a relative dream match to boot. I always wanted to see Liger face Steamboat one on one. Obviously this isn't, but still. Nikita is also a bit out of shape, for Nikita, anyway. Koloff tosses Pillman into Liger, before giving Pillman a shoulderblock, as we begin. Pillman gives Nikita a drop-toe hold, but Nikita places him on top. Now Pillman dropkicks Nikita, but Nikita responds with an inverted atomic drop. Pillman rolls up Nikita for two, then tags in Liger, who works on the arm. They switch out a few times, before Liger gives Nikita a dropkick and shoulderblock. Pillman tags in, but Koloff gives him a back elbow before bringing in Steamboat. Steamboat gives Pillman a dropkick, and Liger comes in to get rammed into his partner. Steamboat tosses Liger out, so we've got Pillman and Steamboat. The latter applies an armbar on the former, but shoots Pillman into the ropes and gives him an inverted atomic drop. After a clothesline and armdrag, Liger tags in, and they give Steamboat a double dropkick. Nikita comes in after a Steamboat shoulderblock, and slams Liger to the canvas. Nikita shoulderblocks Liger, then both switch out, for a Pillman backdrop to Steamboat. Pillman elbowdrops Steamboat for two, and gives him a dropkick for two. Liger comes in with a backbreaker and a MOONSAULT, getting a two count, as the crowd went nuts. A Liger TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER gets two, and a running senton also gets two. Steamboat gives him a back suplex, before tagging in Nikita, who elbowdrops away for a two count. Nikita knees Liger in the gut after going to the chinlock, then brings in Steamboat, who gives Liger three consecutive backbreakers. A powerslam gets a two count, causing Nikita to come in to try something else. A double back elbow gets one, and to the chinlock we go. Steamboat in, with a flying fist off the top for two, but Liger kicks him and makes the tag to Pillman. Backdrops, chops ahoy, and a scoop slam for two. Liger flies back in with a missile dropkick, and a clothesline for a two count. With Nikita in, he shoulderblocks Liger, before a flying shoulderblock and a slam. Pillman dropkicks Nikita twice, but can't slam Pillman. Instead, he tosses Pillman over the top, only for Pillman to sneak in and deliver his slingshot clothesline. After a missile dropkick, the cover gets a super close two count. Nikita misses two charges, allowing Pillman to apply the sleeper. Sloppy. Nikita gives him a jawbreaker, but Liger comes in and gives Nikita an enziguri for a two count. Liger backslides Nikita for two, before Pillman makes the tag and gives Nikita a crossbody, for a two count. Steamboat tags in, and tries to bridge to a backslide...but he can't do the bridge out part. The backslide gets two, and Pillman gives Steamboat a back suplex in response. Up top Pillman goes, but Steamboat crotches him. Even still, Pillman flies off the top, only to see Steamboat reverse the crossbody and get the cover at 19:27.
Match Analysis: Very nice match, but some stuff was either sloppy or botched. Still, the crowd enjoyed it. As I've said like, forever, I love WCW at this point in time. I'd still love to see Liger face Steamboat. Oh yeah, ***.
Bischoff is with the Steiners...still don't understand why they aren't wrestling here. Their promos suck, as you know. No wonder they left this shithole of a company.
Now, in our second quarterfinal match on the show (third overall), we've got Hiroshi Hase and Shinya Hashimoto vs. The Freebirds.
Blow-by-Blow: Of course, these Freebirds are Garvin and Hayes. When I got on a puro kick a while back, I watched a lot of Shinya matches. He's nice. This is a real styles clash, moreso than anything I've seen on this channel yet. Hayes' strutting got the crowd in a tizzy, but Hase takes him down with a headlock. Hase shoots for the takedown, but Hayes works on the arm, before tagging in Garvin. Garvin applies a hammerlock on Shinya, but Shinya gives him a drop-toe hold, and a headlock takedown. Garvin tries a wristlock, but Hase comes in off the top with an elbow. Hase chops at Garvin, then tags in Shinya who slams Garvin for two. After Hayes comes in, Shinya gives him a back elbow. Then Hase comes in, and slams Hayes, before a rolling senton for two. There's no heat here. Hase gives Hayes a gutbuster and a gutshot, before they trade blows. As they do, Shinya comes in, kicks away, and gives Hayes a spinning heel kick. Shinya gives Hayes a fallaway slam with a bridge for a two count, prior to a chinlock. Hase's quickly in, with a few kicks. Hayes hits the both of them after tossing Hase into Shinya, and makes the hot tag to Garvin. He slams 'em, clotheslines 'em, until Shinya kicks him. Hase with the NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX, Hase and Shinya with the victory at 9:16.
Match Analysis: I really question that booking decision. Um, in the sense that, really, these two teams should not have faced each other. While both are supposed to be heels, let's be honest, MVC vs. Shinya and Hase would've rocked. Oh, the rating. *3/4.
Bill Watts and Hiro Matsuda are with Tony, announcing that the NWA World Title Tournament will be in Tokyo. Okay, uh, I still don't know why WCW were messing with the NWA. Nearly everything they do hurts WCW. Watts then says that he wants the NWA Champ and the WCW Champ to face each other. Sure!
Now, we've got the last of the quarterfinal matches. This features two Dangerous Alliance members, these being Steve Austin (TV Champion) and Rick Rude (United States Champion) w/Madusa. They're facing Barry Windham and Dustin Rhodes.
Blow-by-Blow: Typical Rude introduction. Who hates that? Windham and Austin will start in the lock-up, before a Windham armdrag. Austin tries a backslide which gets two, as does a forward roll. Austin gives Windham a shoulderblock, but Windham responds with a big right hand. That cheater has a taped fist! Windham takes Austin down to the canvas, and slaps him, after Austin hesitates to trade punches. Rude comes in, with a lot of heat behind him. Rhodes also comes in, and gives Rude a back suplex, prior to an armdrag. Rude drives Rhodes to the corner, and goes to the chinlock. They go to standing position, and Rude tries a TOMBSTONE...but Rhodes reverses and gives him one of his own for a two count. Austin comes in after Rhodes misses a splash...why isn't Austin wearing kneepads? Austin clotheslines Rhodes, for a two count. Rhodes applies an abdominal stretch after sending Austin out with a knee, and works on said ab stretch for a while, even after an Austin hiptoss. Windham comes in with a clothesline off the top for a two count, but Austin backdrops him. Rude comes in, back suplexes Windham for two, and tags Austin back in. Austin places Windham on top, but Windham headbutts him and comes down with a crossbody for two. Rude pulls Windham's hair to put him down, and during a Madusa distraction, Rude gives Windham a missile dropkick for two. Rude piledrives Windham, for a no count, as Rhodes made the save. Austin comes in with a leap onto Windham, and gives him a suplex for two. Now, to the chinlock. Rude comes in with an elbow, and Austin quickly comes in, ramming Windham into the buckle. To the front-facelock with Rude, but Windham backdrops his way out. Austin in, tosses Windham out, but Windham comes back in with a knee. An Austin boot gets a two count, and back to the chinlock we go. Rude comes in on a switch and pummels Windham, before the referee makes him break a chinlock. Austin comes in with a backdrop, and Windham cradles Austin for two. They both clothesline each other, but Austin gets up first with a back suplex. Rude comes in, but Windham gives him an inverted atomic drop, before they collide in the center of the ring. Rhodes and Austin enter, elbows from Dustin onto both opponents, and a reverse back elbow from the second rope too. Rhodes and Rude brawl on the outside, but when Austin tries a piledriver, Rhodes clotheslines Austin off the top, allowing Windham to make the cover for the victory at 19:16. Our semifinals have been set.
Match Analysis: It was good, but I'm starting to see an awful trend in these matches. They're getting slower and slower, which is something to expect through the next round and the final. Anyway, I like Rude and Austin as a team. **1/4.
Eric Bischoff is with Vader and Harley Race...Harley does most of the talking, thank goodness.
After, they talk about Halloween Havoc which'll be in October, and
Now, for the first match of the semifinals. It's the Miracle Violence Connection (WCW Tag Team Champions) vs. Nikita Koloff and Ricky Steamboat.
Blow-by-Blow: Yes, this sounds awesome. Steamboat and Gordy lock-up, but Gordy gives Steamboat a shoulderblock and takes him to the canvas with a headlock. Steamboat gives Gordy a hiptoss and armdrag, which causes Gordy to tag in Williams. Steamboat armdrags him too, but Williams gives him a drop-toe hold. Steamboat goes to a hammerlock and knees Williams a few times, then goes behind, only to be rammed into the buckle. Gordy comes in along with Koloff, but Williams quickly makes the tag, only to be given a drop-toe hold. It's grappling time, until Gordy tags in and tries a shoulderblock. It does nothing, so Koloff dropkicks him. He's very over. Williams takes him down for two, before going to the chinlock. Koloff reverses to a front-facelock, and after Williams tries a counter and the same happens, both Steamboat and Gordy tag in. Steamboat armdrags Gordy, but Williams comes in and gives him a lariat for two. Steamboat tries a crucifix, but Williams backs him into the corner and chops saway. Gordy comes in with a bodyslam, and another, before a clothesline. Williams comes in for a double three-point stance shouldertackle, and he elbowdrops Steamboat as well. Gordy in, Gordy pulls Steamboat to the canvas for two. Williams comes in and they give Steamboat a double suplex for two, but see, they never tagged. So the referee makes Williams get out. Williams then makes the real tag, and gives Steamboat a backbreaker for two. Gordy comes in, but Steamboat gives him a weird DDT for two. Koloff makes the tag, shoulderblocks abound, but Gordy gives him a facebuster. Williams comes in and slams Koloff, before applying a figure-four neck lock. Gordy tags in, and causes Koloff to miss a charge to the corner, allowing Gordy to apply an STF. Williams comes in, and after a few knees to the head, he applies a BOSTON CRAB. Gordy comes in after a tag and applies the STF again, before Williams comes in and powerslams Koloff for two. The life is being sucked out of the crowd. It's almost as if the wrestlers are acting like they aren't there. That's one aspect of the WWF that I always thought was vastly better than their competition. Double collision, and finally, Steamboat makes the tag. He tosses Williams into Gordy, and gives Williams a back suplex. Up on top, a flying chop. Again, and, well, Gordy pushes Steamboat into Williams arms, rams him into the buckle, and a spinebuster for the win at 21:39.
Match Analysis: Too long, and the crowd didn't like it. The wrestling has been top notch for most of the show, but the crowd ain't feeling it. That ties into the lack of crowd interaction. The action's been in the ring almost the whole time. No ram into the guardrails stuff or any of that. **.
Part two, and we've got Hiroshi Hase and Shinya Hashimoto vs. Dustin Rhodes and Barry Windham, in the last semifinal bout.
Blow-by-Blow: Rhodes and Hase lock-up, and Rhodes gives Hase a fireman's carry to begin the action. Windham comes in, and gives Hase an armdrag. Hase wants a TEST OF STRENGTH, and Windham complies. Windham gets the better at first, but Hase bridges back to standing position and kicks him. Shinya comes in, so both he and Windham do a TEST OF STRENGTH, until Windham gives him a double-arm suplex. Shinya responds with a shoulderblock, but Rhodes comes in with a headlock, before trying a shoulderblock of his own...which does nothing. Hase comes in, applies an armbar, but Windham comes in, and gives Hase a hammerlock slam. Shinya in, with a back elbow and a headscissors...which turns into a cross-armbreaker. Rhodes comes in with a big Dusty elbow, and another elbow after a few rights. Shinya pokes him in the eye to end the rally, and slams him, before a spinning heel kick. Shinya and Hase give Rhodes a SPIKE PILEDRIVER..now he's dead. Hase knees Rhodes before making the tag, and both he and Shinya give Rhodes a shoulderblock at once. Shinya knees Rhodes in the gut, and suplexes him for a two count. Hase comes in, and they give Rhodes a double suplex, before Hase applies a BOSTON CRAB. Hase gives Rhodes a belly-to-belly, but misses a double kneedrop off the top. Ouch! Rhodes gives him a lariat, and tags in Windham, who goes to town. Back elbow, suplex, and a powerslam which gets two. Windham goes for an abdominal stretch, but Hase finds his way out. So, Shinya and Hase are both given lariats, allowing Windham to pin Hase and pick up the victory at 14:55.
Match Analysis: It could've been much worse. Uh, while the crowd hated it, I actually quite liked it. Still was no heat, but in this match, there were actually things going on. I know, shocking. Too much mat wrestling on this show. **1/2 for that.
Ron Simmons cuts a promo with Magnum and Tony...Simmons wants the world title. Simple as that.
Now, of course, it's time for a mega-bout. Of course, it's gotta be Big Van Vader and Harley Race vs. Sting for the WCW Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: I could never get tired of this match. Vader has this shoulderpad and helmet thing that he wears to the ring...the eyes blink on the helmet. Weird. Anyway, Vader gives Sting a few clubbing blows, and a clothesline to start us off. Sting responds with a clothesline of his own, but the cover does nothing. Vader catches Sting on a crossbody attempt, and pushes him down to the canvas. BUT, Vader misses a charge, so Sting gives him a back suplex. That sort of offense against someone that big is super impressive. Sting clotheslines Vader over the top, and when Vader comes back in, Vader wants a TEST OF STRENGTH. Sting says sure, but pokes Vader in the eye. Smart. Sting gives Vader two dropkicks, before suplexing him in from the apron for a two count. Vader runs into Sting, but Sting cradles him for a two count. Sting then tries a sunset flip, only to be sat on and given an elbowdrop. A Vader splash only gets one (one!), before picking Sting up in a chokehold and tossing him to the canvas. Vader applies the SCORPION DEATHLOCK...but Sting breaks the hold. After a clothesline and powerslam from Vader for two, Sting responds with a rolling koppou kick (surprise!), and a DDT. Sting's shoulderblock sends Vader to the outside, and after a few blows, Vader goes up top. Sting crotches Vader and puts him on his shoulders for a, wait for it, SAMOAN DROP. Love the spots on display here. Cover only gets two. Vader tries a back suplex, but Sting kicks the referee on accident, and hits a GERMAN, for a two count. Yeesh, these bumps. A dropkick follows from Sting, and a STINGER SPLASH too! Sting tries another STINGER SPLASH, but misses, and his head collides with the ringpost. Sting's bleeding, but covers Vader for two. He falls to the canvas after a few missed punch attempts, so we've got a Vader POWERBOMB. It's all over, and we've got a new World Champion at 17:04. First of his career. Sting's down flat on his face in the ring, so Steamboat and Koloff come out to help him to the back.
Match Analysis: Wow, they made a mega-heel here. But, this was just slightly not as good as their match at Starrcade '92. I've got many reasons for that. One, somewhat flat finish. Two, Sting's babyface comeback at Starrcade was one of the best I've seen. Ever. You can never go wrong with this match, in fact, I'm going to watch it again in a few minutes. Seriously. ****1/4, match of the night, no doubt. Unless MVC vs. Windham and Rhodes is fantastic.
Bischoff is with Vader...he's the man!
Finally, it's time for the NWA Tag Team Title Tournament Final. On one side, we've got the Miracle Violence Connection, Steve Williams and Terry Gordy. On the other, we've got Barry Windham and Dustin Rhodes. This should be grand.
Blow-by-Blow: Well, the Steiners plan on interrupting this party, but security leads them out. Darn. Lock-up, with Gordy and Windham. Ole Anderson's the referee, and he isn't very good at it.Rhodes is in, and Gordy takes him down. Rhodes responds with some elbows, and Windham comes in and applies a figure-four. Williams runs in and gives him a belly-to-belly, but Windham latches on the arm and goes to work, with an armdrag. Gordy clotheslines Windham after tagging in, for a two count, but Rhodes comes in with an elbowdrop. Williams and Rhodes trade headlocks, until Rhodes rolls him up for two. Rhodes armdrags Williams, but Gordy tags in, trips Rhodes, and applies an STF. Williams comes in and elbows Rhodes a few times for two, as I notice that the crowd's emptied out a bit. Rhodes gives Williams a jawbreaker and forward rolls for two, then Gordy tags in and applies a boston crab on Rhodes. It's really easy to make tags without fighting your opponent off, because the ring is so small. Williams gives Rhodes a powerslam for two, but it also allows Windham to make the tag. He clotheslines Gordy, suplexes Williams, and also gives Williams a gutwrench suplex. Windham gives Williams a sleeper, but Williams pulls him into the ropes, which allows Gordy to tag in. Gordy suplexes Windham for two, and gives him a clothesline for two, before going to the chinlock. WIndham gives Gordy a back suplex, but Williams comes in and clobbers him. Williams applies a leg grapevine, while Gordy gives Windham an elbowdrop. Williams applies an abdominal stretch, but Windham makes the ropes. Gordy in with a shoulderblock, but Windham falls backwards and makes the tag to Rhodes. ELBOWS FOR ALL, but Gordy applies a front-facelock. Ended that! Williams is beginning to rev up for the OKLAHOMA STAMPEDE, but Windham gives him a dropkick. Williams misses a charge to the corner, but Rhodes misses a bulldog. In my world, he would have hit the bulldog, and the match would've been over. But in the real world, Williams gave Rhodes a giant LARIAT complete with a 360 sell, and the Miracle Violence Connection are now the NWA Tag Team Champs in addition to being the WCW Tag Team Champs. Time of the fall was 21:09. After the bout, the MVC ran over to Magnum and Tony, and Williams cut a brutal promo. Wow. Oh yeah, after some talk about Halloween Havoc and thoughts from JR and Jesse Ventura, the show's over.
Match Analysis: Not the best match, but it's wrestling. No gimmicks, no trash. Williams and Gordy were such dominant heels, but the crowd didn't really have a reason to hate them. They didn't cheat, but I still love them. It's fun watching them stretch their opponents to death. **1/2.
Rating: Decent. I can't in good faith call this show good, because the crowd didn't care about it. I think they liked the wrestling, but there wasn't a reason to care about the competitiors. Throwaway show, and I don't understand why they didn't give the NWA Belts to someone else. Build to the unification. But, we are talking about WCW. Something like that just ain't going to happen. Makes too much sense. Another thing, having this and another tag centric show (Lethal Lottery/BattleBowl) in the same year isn't very smart. Just my .02.
Best Segment: Sting/Vader. In a word, fantastic. A wrestling fan who doesn't like these matches is not a wrestling fan.
Worst Segment: Outside of Williams' promo, I'll say Hase & Hashimoto vs. The Freebirds was the worst, although it wasn't bad at all.
If in fact King of the Ring 1993 gets put up tomorrow evening, that shall be my next review. I can't wait to watch it.
I watched this first, because I had some stuff to do. Couldn't fit Nitro in my 100 minute period. Raw's from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
Hat Guy sighting! The Hart Foundation comes out, with Bret's newfound Federation Gold. We see a video from SummerSlam...where Shawn Michaels hit The Undertaker with a chair on accident. Bret wants Shawn to leave the Fed because he showed favoritism against him. Now, about the Patriot last week, that was a fluke. Bret then says that Pillman will not wear a dress, before showing the clip of Owen 3:16. We then see that Sgt. Slaughter is the new commissioner, who says that Bret Hart will defend his title against The Patriot at Ground Zero. Bulldog's gonna face Shamrock soon too. And Pillman's gonna wear a dress tonight. And Owen will get a rematch against Austin...only it'll be WHEN STONE COLD SAYS SO. Austin comes out RIGHT NOW, and he says so right now. Right now! He's gonna open a can of whoopass.
The Nation talk about the triple threat between Faarooq, Savio Vega, and Crush at Ground Zero, and then we've got Ken Shamrock vs. Kama Mustafa w/NOD.
- 4 on 1. Well, until Slaughter came out and removed the Nation from ringside. So much for that. It's really a mess of a match. Two of the Boricuas come out and suplex Kama on the floor, so when Kama gets tossed in, he is given a belly-to-belly and loses to Shamrock at 3:03. DUD. Kama gives chase to Los Boricuas...
After the SummerSlam replay video (paying for a PPV replay is D-U-M-B)...we've got a Brakus vignette. LOL.
Sunny then comes out (uh, yeah. Words do not describe.) to be our ring announcer for Taka Michinoku vs. Brian Christopher.
- I've been waiting for this matchup. It was bound to come sooner or later. Lawler's commentary is either really funny, or really awful. It's all up to you. Christopher goes to the rolling suplexes, but gets rolled up by Taka at 3:27 before the third attempt. That's too bad! Christopher puts the boots to Taka afterwards, and tosses him out like a piece of trash. **.
Slaughter hands Pillman his dress, and tells Pillman that he'll wrestle in it until he wins on RAW. Some commish!
Now, we've got HHH w/Chyna vs. Vader w/Paul Bearer.
- Paul Bearer is in the back, running down Chyna before Vader makes his entrance.
- He trips HHH while HHH is running the ropes, so Chyna gives him a dropkick. Then we have a double countout at 2:13. 3/4*. Not very fun.
The Patriot is going to face The Sultan w/The Iron Sheik...
- The Patriot cut a promo about Ground Zero before the match...Sultan's gimmick fits well with the Patriot, I'd say. A Patriot full nelson slam finishes at 1:45. *. After the match, the Hart Foundation come down. BUT, Slaughter stops the rest, leaving Bret by his lonesome, oblivious to the fact that he has no backup. Patriot attacks Bret when Bret turns his back...heh.
We're in the WARZONE, and Shawn Michaels opens that up by making his way to the ring. He knows that everyone's blaming him, so now, he's going to blame everyone else for everything. Vince asks Shawn if he's in league with Bret Hart, so Shawn calls him a dumb son of a bitch. Once he did that, Vince announced Shawn vs. Taker for Ground Zero. Ha! Shawn's fine with it, because he's not going to lay down for the Deadman. The lights go out...and there's the Undertaker. Lights on, and Shawn's gone. Not a surprise. It's time to stop talking and kick ass. That's what he said. Paul Bearer shows up on the TitanTron, and damns Taker to hell. Kane's coming. YES HE IS.
Ahmed Johnson w/The Nation is supposed to face Chainz w/DOA.
- In the back, we learn that the doctors will not clear Austin to wrestle tonight. Slaughter comes down to remove the extras...but Los Boricuas come down later, to steal Chainz's bike. That distracts him enough, allowing Ahmed to give him a PEARL RIVER PLUNGE for the victory at 2:11. 1/2*. After the match, Faarooq and the rest of the Nation attacks AHMED. WHAT? Sorry, that makes no sense. He's only been with them for three or four shows.
The Godwinns vs. The Headbangers is up next...
- Damnit, I hate this matchup. Dude Love is going to face Owen Hart instead of Austin facing Owen. Henry's going to SLOP DROP Thrasher, and Phineas pins him at 3:51. *1/4.
Goldust comes out with Marlena...to watch Brian Pillman face Bob Holly.
- Of course, Pillman's wearing a dress. Pretty large "faggot" chant erupts...those weren't such politically correct times. He's wearing a thong underneath his dress, unfortunately. And when Goldust distracts Pillman, Pillman gets counted out at 2:24. *.
Owen Hart vs. Dude Love is our main event...
- Bret's out for commentary, btw. I can't ever get enough Owen...or Foley. Mick has a nasty bruise on his right arm, I should mention.
- The match isn't very good. Vince wants to know why Lawler and Bret are buddy-buddy now, but that can't be answered.
- After a commercial, we come back with, well, somewhat of a bore. Just not what I expected. Bulldog comes to the ring, so Slaughter is distracted. Bret then rams Love into the post, allowing Owen to apply the SHARPSHOOTER back in the ring. Austin walks down, grabs one of Owen's SLAMMIES, and hits Owen with it. Dude picks up the pinfall victory at 8:25. *3/4. Once the match is over, Dude gets molested in the corner. End show!
The show was bad. Too many short matches, too many not very good matches. Best segment was Taka vs. Brian Christopher (seriously), and the worst was The Nation of Domination's turn on Ahmed. I don't understand that one.
Not only is Nitro three hours long, it's also from Detroit, Michigan.
Hollywood Hogan opens the show by coming down to the ring...he honestly looks sad to be jobbing later on. Anyway, the painted on beard is gone as well.
Mortis w/James Vandenberg vs. Curt Hennig is going to open...
- Sounds good to me. It's not that bad, but it's too damn short. The HENNIG-PLEX finishes at 3:46. *3/4.
Now, after a Sting video, we've got Dean Malenko and Jeff Jarrett w/Debra facing Hector and Chavo Guerrero.
- Chavo and Dean's gear is too similar. A Malenko TEXAS CLOVERLEAF makes Hector tap out at 4:51. *1/2.
Mean Gene is with Stevie Richards and Raven...well, Stevie has a contract for Raven to sign. That shit won't fly. Raven spits on Stevie and slaps him, but Stevie catches Raven's hand before Raven can punch him. He doesn't want to be treated like this anymore.
The Giant is going to face Lenny Lane, Joey Maggs, and Scott D'Amore in a handicap match...
- Big time lolz here. The Giant CHOKESLAMS all of them, and pins all of them at 1:35. Savage and Liz come out, and the Giant gives chase before the commercial.
After a Luger video, we've got High Voltage vs. Public Enemy.
- Oh man, not this match again. I hate it. Of course it's formula, but in-offensive. I just hate both teams.
- Rocco Rock flies through a table, but when Rage accidentally hits Kaos, Public Enemy picks up the victory after a Grunge rollup at 5:12. *1/2. After the match, Kaos hits Grunge with a piece of the table that Rock flew through.
Alex Wright interrupts the Nitro Girls routine with some dancing of his own...before talking to Gene Okerlund. Only talks about his rematch against Jericho at Road Wild, before heading to the ring to face Scotty Riggs.
- Thank goodness that the American Males music was lost. No more. Wright hits a missile dropkick for the victory at 3:44. *3/4.
Hour #2...Lex Luger interview time. These interviews are sucking up the extra hour. I don't care for them, but this is a good promo.
Now, Vincent is going to face Booker T w/Stevie Ray.
- You know, Harlem Heat kicked Vincent's ass a month or so ago. That explains all this. Soon as could be, a Harlem Sidekick gives Booker the win. Only went 48 seconds. Afterwards, Harlem Heat kick his ass again. DUD.
Gene's now with DDP, who really says some bad stuff about Ric Flair because he associates with the likes of Curt Hennig. Anyone who hangs out with Curt Hennig is just as bad as Curt Hennig, in Page's eyes.
The Barbarian is going to face Wrath...
- This will suuuck. Well, actually, it don't. Wrath's DEATH PENALTY gets the victory at 2:58. Meng comes out, making Wrath leave. Throwaway. *.
Mean Gene is with the Steiners...who are accompanied by Ted DiBiase! Whoa. Ted says that he needed to look at the big picture. The New World Order isn't wrestling. He said they'd win the World Wrestling...oops. He was about to say something he shouldn't have. Anyway, the Outsiders come down the aisle and say that DiBiase didn't understand the whole NWO 4 LIFE thing. He'll soon see the error of his ways.
Psychosis is going to face Konnan right now.
- This is part of Konnan's mission to take down the luchadors. Psychosis was very sloppy, but this was short. Konnan made him tap to the TEQUILA SUNRISE at 1:48. 1/2*. This shit sucks...the matches are too goddamn short. Rey Mysterio crutches his way to the ring...but when Konnan turned his back because he thought Rey was actually hurt, Rey hit him in the back with a crutch. Ha. Playing possum.
Ernest Miller and Glacier vs. Silver King and Damien
- Finally, a decent length match. Or at least I thought it would be. A Miller spin kick off the top onto Damien gets the win at 3:25. Damn. *1/2.
Bischoff appears, with a microphone. He says that Larry Z and The Giant were totally out of line. Not only that, but he wants JJ Dillion to come out. He says that Dillon should keep the Giant from touching him.
Hour #3 begins, with Diamond Dallas Page vs. Ric Flair.
- Curt Hennig gives Flair some dap before the match, then we begin. Surprised to see this of all things given away. Hennig goes out after a DDP powerbomb to Flair, just to marinate. Then we have a commercial.
- The FIGURE-FOUR was on, but Page made it to the ropes. There was a stupid segment where DDP pinned Hennig while having the figure-four on Flair. Hennig has brass knux, but Page takes them. Then he hits both Hennig and Flair, leading to the DQ at 7:32. Page fends them all off on the attack, which is great. **1/4. FINALLY, a match with length.
Now, we've got Hector Garza and Lizmark Jr. vs. Villano IV & V.
- Boy, am I glad that I was so eagerly awaiting this. Dive sequenece of course...then the Villano's switch before getting pinned, and Villano IV cradles Lizmark at 4:52. **.
Mean Gene is with JJ Dillon...AGAIN. Goodness. They're talking about Sting, who soon enters the ring. Dillon wants him to sign a contract to face Curt Hennig. HA! Needless to say, Sting doesn't like that. He rips up the contract, and leaves.
About fuckin' time. It's Lex Luger vs. Hollywood Hogan for the WCW Championship.
- Hogan hasn't wrestled on Nitro since I GOT THIS CHANNEL. Seriously. Crowd is not the most rowdy, which is unfortunate.
- After the break, we learn that Hogan hit Luger with a chair during the break. Hogan DROPS THE LEG, but Luger kicks out. After some Luger clotheslines, Hall runs in. He gets clotheslined. Nash and Savage run in. Luger gives Savage a gutshot, and tosses him into Nash, knocking both Nash and Savage to the floor. RACK on Hogan, and we've got...A NEW WCW CHAMPION, at 8:58 (shown). **. All of WCW comes out and celebrates with Luger in the ring. Not a REALLY huge pop, but the pop was still sizeable. WCW did well here.
- Luger held the title upside down the whole time. Now, after some words from the commentary team, we go to the back. They're doing the whole champagne thing, and cleaning the NWO letters off of the title. I like that. The NWO is really pissed off, and Hogan wants his rematch in Sturgis.
Of course, Hogan will win the title back in "6 days," but the title win doesn't make a grating 140 minutes good all of a sudden. The show was bad. Best segment was the title win...worst was, well, take your pick. Lots of shit to choose from. I'll go with ALL THE INTERVIEWS. RAW was better.
Great American Bash 1992 review should be up soon. I have a long time to finish it.
I've been waiting to watch this. Just so much here worth seeing.
We jump right into the first match, that being The Ultimate Maniacs vs. Money Inc. w/Jimmy Hart for the WWF Tag Team Titles.
Blow-by-Blow: The Maniacs are the Ultimate Warrior and Randy Savage. Money Inc attacked the Maniacs, before they got ditched. They get tossed out again, before Savage and DiBiase start things off proper. A Savage atomic drop gets two, as he gives DiBiase his slingshot clothesline into the ropes. Warrior comes in with a suplex, that gets a two count. As Warrior tries the flying shoulderblock, DiBiase gets out of the way and slams Warrior into the canvas, allowing him to tag in IRS. IRS comes in with a sleeper, then we go to a split-screen view with Razor Ramon and Ric Flair cutting a promo in the back. DiBiase comes into the ring with the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM, but Savage knees DiBiase in the back. After both Warrior and DiBiase clothesline each other, the tags are made, so that IRS and Savage can enter. Savage backdrops IRS, clotheslines DiBiase and slams IRS, before going to the top. FLYING ELBOW, but the cover gets broken up by DiBiase. A brawl ensues, but after Warrior and Savage clear the ring, Money Inc. decide to leave. They get counted out at 6:11. The Maniacs go to attack in the aisle, but Flair and Razor ambush them and beat them up. Good job!
Match Analysis: Wasn't the best match, of course. But I still enjoyed it, because the pace didn't really slow down. *1/2. Obviously a finish was not on the cards, and I probably wouldn't have liked it had there been.
After a Bret Hart music video, Shawn Michaels faces The British Bulldog for the Intercontinental Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: Bulldog pushes Michaels down after the initial lock-up, and Shawn's shoulderblocks don't do anything. We resort to drastic measures, those being punches and eyepokes. After an eyepoke, Shawn hiptosses Bulldog, and applies a short arm scissors. Bulldog picks Shawn up out of the short arm scissors and drops him to the canvas from his shoulders, which is nice. Bulldog press slams Shawn and clotheslines him over the top, but Shawn ducks under on the inside and we go into a reversal sequence. Bulldog ends it with an armdrag, but misses a charge to the corner. When Shawn turns his back on the Bulldog like a moron, Bulldog clobbers him, only to get tossed outside. Shawn begins to untie a turnbuckle pad, as we go to a...
Back, and the buckle pad is untied, but still left on the corner. Shawn kneedrops away at Bulldog, and applies an abdominal stretch. We go back to the abdominal stretch after Bulldog hiptosses out, and really, this one lasts way too long. Bulldog hiptosses out for a second time, before the turnbuckle pad comes off when Shawn's running the ropes. Uh-oh. Bulldog gives the challenger a facebuster, then sends him upside down in the corner before slingshotting him back towards it and giving him a clothesline. The cover only got two, as does the cover after a Bulldog delayed vertical suplex. Shawn sends Bulldog back first into the exposed turnbuckle (oh no!), and both stay down for a bit, as they're worn out. When both get up, Bulldog places Shawn up top, for a superplex attempt. Bulldog's back gives out, Shawn lands on top of him and gets the three count at 10:26 (shown). Shawn's got his first taste of Federation gold! No, I'm not counting the WWF tag belt win that never aired.
Match Analysis: The abdominal stretches nearly killed the match for me, but it could've been a lot worse. I watched this on DVD a while back, and my rating actually went down from then. I didn't really realize how long that portion of the match was until yesterday. ***1/4 is my rating. I know I'm focusing on the negative, but there's a ton of positive in that match. For one, pacing. Two, psychology. Michaels not taking the buckle off and it just falling down by chance was great. There's obviously more, but I don't have all the time in the world.
Mean Gene is with Razor Ramon, Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect, who praise Michaels' Intercontinental Title victory. Flair says that it's going to be champion vs. champion at Survivor Series, and he'll be waiting to face the winner.
Papa Shango vs. Bret Hart for the WWF Championship is our main event...
Blow-by-Blow: Before Bret's entrance, he cut a promo in the back with Mean Gene. Also, Bill Alfonso's the referee. Shango works Bret over, but Bret whips Shango into the corner and monkey flips him out. A few Bret shoulderblocks and a crossbody only get one, so Bret follows with an inverted atomic drop. Bret clotheslines him over the top, and follows him down to the floor with a PESCADO. Now, we go to a
We're back, with Shango sending Bret into the buckle. He applies a bearhug, but Bret pokes him in the eye to break. Shango responds with a back elbow, and headbutts Bret down low. Way down low. Shango goes to the nerve hold after a choketoss, but breaks it and clotheslines Bret. Back to the nerve hold, but Bret gets up, and gets whipped into the ropes, after which he gives Shango a sunset flip. At least he tried. Shango punched the canvas, and misses a charge to the corner, leading to a Bret sleeper. Shango charges at the corner and ducks down, causing Bret's head to get rammed into the buckle. Shango gives Bret two elbowdrops, but misses an UGLY elbowdrop off the top rope. Bret gives Shango a gutshot, before a russian leg sweep which gets two. Bret backdrops Shango for a two count, before coming off the second rope with a clothesline for another two count. Shango misses the HO TRAIN, so Bret locks him into the SHARPSHOOTER, forcing Shango to give up at 7:15 (shown).
Match Analysis: What a carryjob. One of the best I've ever seen, to be 100% honest. I thought that was going to be a shitter of a match, but it wasn't. Surprising. I don't know if I'm rating it too high or not, but **1/4 sounds just right.
Paul Bearer's out, for an edition of his funeral parlor. We see clips of The Undertaker making a casket for Kamala, before Taker comes out of a coffin to speak. Rotting corpses of the maggots below the souls of all that lie beneath the earth and that sort of thing, then Kamala will REST IN PEACE.
Bret Hart is with Gene Okerlund again, to talk about his earlier victory. BUT, Shawn Michaels interrupts. Oh yes. He runs down Bret's opposition, and they push each other, before we cut away to Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan. Heenan's on the phone with someone, who says that one of the teams is going to have a new partner at Survivor Series. Which one could it be?
Rating: Good. Well, I thought so. Take into account that I love both 1992 and 1993's wrestling from both major promotions.
Best Segment: Bulldog vs. Michaels
Worst Segment: Bret Hart's music video. It was SO corny.
Ok, um, RAW and Nitro review from 8/4/1997 will be up on Friday. Nitro this time is a famed THREE HOUR SHOW.
Road to WrestleMania and that sort of thing. Still do not understand the point of having two Elimination Chambers on this PPV...
CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero for the ECW Title is going to open the show...
Blow-by-Blow: Punk kicks right at the start, then gives Chavo a back elbow. After a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Punk, Punk misses a charge to the corner, so he can get kicked off the ring apron. Chavo knocks Punk down for two, before giving him a few weak kicks. A Chavo drop-toe hold leads to a cover for two, so he gives Punk a back suplex, before applying a body scissors. Punk slingshots Chavo into the corner, for a knee and a backdrop. He then misses a charge, but his powerslam gets a two count. He tries the GO TO SLEEP, but Chavo rana's out and follows it up with a tornado DDT for two. A Punk enziguri gets two after Chavo did the Eddie "shake your shoulders" taunt, before Punk does said taunt and tries the three amigos, to quite a bit of heel heat. I don't think Punk should've done that. Anyway, he only was able to give Chavo two suplexes, before the knee and bulldog combination at the corner for two. A big kick puts Chavo out, but after a cover, Punk places Chavo on top. Chavo kicks Punk away and climbs the turnbuckles, but Punk crotches him. Now Punk tries to give him a frankensteiner, but Chavo holds the rope so that Punk goes to the canvas all by his lonesome, FROG SPLASH, Chavo retains his gold at 7:15. Nice reception for his win, btw.
Match Analysis: Basically, just a standard Tuesday night on ECW matchup. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Good for an ECW Title match on PPV, I guess. **1/4. Would've liked Chavo to have more matches with length as champion, but hey, can't get everything you want.
After a video of some Edge/Rey stuff...we have Mike Adamle with Rey Mysterio. He talked about his torn bicep and whatnot, before Floyd Mayweather showed up. Pumped Rey up a bit.
Next, we've got...THE ELIMINATION CHAMBER. This is the Smackdown version. Meaning, we've got MVP vs. The Great Khali w/Ranjin Singh vs. Finlay vs. Batista vs. Big Daddy V w/Matt Striker vs. The Undertaker.
Blow-by-Blow: Batista and Taker will start the match. I'm not too enthused about this one, but it'll probably be okay. They slug it out, but Taker wins that battle by tossing Batista over the top, onto the steel which rests beside the ring. Batista hits Taker with a big boot to knock him in, then his clothesline gets a one count. Taker goes to a boot choke, then stomps away, before the Batista comeback. A Batista back elbow gets two, and then they both give each other a big boot, as the third entrant comes in...that being BIG DADDY V. V chops both of them, before giving Batista a clothesline and Taker a bodyslam. V gives Taker a samoan drop, before slamming Batista and knocking Taker outside of the Chamber. Yeah, seriously. I don't think that was supposed to happen. Anyway, V avalanches Taker at the steel siding, then does the same to Batista back in the ring. Batista responds with a spinebuster on the fatso, before clotheslining him over the top and onto the steel. Taker DDT's V on the steel floor, and V gets pinned by Batista at 9:08.
#4 enters, and that's the GREAT KHALI. He can't wrestle, you know. Taker tried to chokeslam Khali, but the big man stopped it and choketossed him for a two count. Khali clotheslined Batista for two, and applied the HEAD CRUSH.. No for the submission, because Batista broke it and SPEARED him. Taker boots Batista, and applies the GOGOPLATA on Khali at 12:38. Of course, Khali tapped.
Taker boots Batista, before covering him for two. Now #5 enters, and that's FINLAY. Taker boots him and whips him into the buckle, but Taker misses a charge to the corner. Finlay tosses Batista out, and hits the CELTIC CROSS on Taker, only getting a two count. Batista slingshots Finlay into the cage, but Taker clotheslines Batista for a two count. Finlay tosses Taker out, and rams him into the cage before another two count. Now he rams Taker into the glass on one of the individual pods, which knocks it out. Ouch. Batista rams Finlay into the post, before a muscle buster for two. MVP enters at #6, well, really, he doesn't want to enter. But Taker made him enter. Batista misses a charge at Taker, so MVP boots Batista, and then Taker. Got a two count. MVP takes a chain out of his bodysuit, and chokes Finlay with it...for a two count. MVP then punches away on Taker which also gets a two count, and it also made Taker bleed. MVP climbs on top of a pod to get away from Taker, but Taker CHOKESLAMS HIM DOWN TO THE CANVAS. Well, MVP's done. Finlay pins him at 22:30.
Taker misses an elbowdrop on Finlay, and soon after that happens, Hornswoggle's head appears in a space between the Chamber and the Ring. Ha! He tosses the shillelagh to Finlay, who hits Batista with it on a Batista Bomb attempt. BUT, Taker just chokeslams Finlay onto the steel at 24:12. He's gone, just like that.
Now that Batista's bleeding, I decided it's time to note that Michael Cole keeps talking about concrete. OVER AND OVER AND OVER. Batista gives Taker the BATISTA BOMB, but it only gets a two count. After a 10 punch in the corner by Batista, Taker gives him a LAST RIDE. Like you didn't see that coming. I hate that spot so much now...cover got two, btw. Batista tosses Taker to the floor on a Taker TOMBSTONE attempt, and then, they fight. Batista torpedo's Taker into the cage once, but on the second try, they both fall backward and the ropes help reverse the hold into Taker's TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER position, bam, three count at 29:26. The Undertaker's goin' to WrestleMania!
Match Analysis: Wasn't the best, but the match had good enough action and quality highspots. All you could expect from some of the guys in this match, and Batista/Taker is always good. The match would've likely been junk had they not been the first two in. I'll go with **1/2.
Edge is with his lackeys, he wants them to step it up tonight. BUT, Theodore Long comes in, and says that those two are banned from ringside. That's too bad!
After some footage of Maria and Ashley at the Playboy Mansion, we move on to...
Mr. Kennedy vs. Ric Flair in a Career Threatening Match. If Flair loses, he retires.
Blow-by-Blow: We begin, with a Kennedy shoulderblock. Then, he mocks Flair by strutting. How rude. Flair chops away and struts himself, until Kennedy applies a headlock. Flair shoots him into the ropes and gives him a hiptoss, before chopping away a bit more. Kennedy dropkicks Flair in the knee, and applies a half-crab. Flair's selling is still good, but it's sad to watch him wrestle. Kennedy rams the leg into the apron, before applying one of my favorite moves...THE RINGPOST FIGURE-FOUR! Kennedy covers Flair for two back on the inside, before applying the regular FIGURE-FOUR. I like that Lil Naitch is reffing this matchup. Flair makes it to the ropes, before Kennedy gives him a rolling fireman's carry slam for two. Flair chopblocks Kennedy after a few seconds of time wasting, then does another, before a FIGURE-FOUR attempt. No to that, as Kennedy pushes Flair into the corner before a rollup for 2. Old ass hangeth out. All the way out... Flair gives Kennedy a kneebreaker, but Kennedy rolls him up for two before something else could happen. Flair with the trip, Flair with the FIGURE-FOUR, and Kennedy taps at 7:14. Flair's got a microphone...limousine ridin', jet flyin', kiss stealin', wheelin' dealin' son of a gun called the NATURE BOY. WOOO!
Match Analysis: Better than at the Rumble. Other than that, there's not a hell of a lot you can say. *1/2.
Finlay's being iced down in the back, before Vince McMahon comes in. Vince's son is going to feel the pain when he faces Vince in a steel cage match on Monday Night RAW.
Our first big title match is Rey Mysterio vs. Edge, for guess what, the World Heavyweight Title.
Blow-by-Blow: Rey starts with an armwringer and flying headscissors, before a solid kick to the head. Edge misses a charge, but boots Rey anyway, knocking him to the floor. After an Edge baseball slide, he tosses Rey into the steps. Back in and Edge puts Rey in tree of woe position, but slides nut first into the post on his dropkick attempt. A Rey moonsault block follows, as Edge misses a charge and gets DDT'd after a Rey dive off the top for a two count. Edge can't sunset flip Rey, so Rey knocks him into the ropes and gives Edge a 619. His arm hurts, so it takes him a while to springboard...INTO AN EDGE SPEAR. Cover, it's over, Edge retains his title at 5:27.
Match Analysis: Rey had one arm. 'Nuff said. At least he made the match watchable and didn't hurt himself any worse, as far as I know. *3/4.
Here comes the Big Show...which was a surprise for those in attendance. He grabs a mic, says that he'll be champion again. To prove it, he's gonna attack Rey Mysterio. The guy's in a chokehold, as the camera pans over to Floyd Mayweather in the crowd. The entourage is holding him back, but eventually, Floyd hops the rail and we see both Floyd and Show in the ring. Show goes down to Floyd's size, so Floyd pops him in the nose. 1-2-3-4, then he tries to run out of the building, with Show giving chase. Floyd got away, but Show's face shows the aftermath. His nose is torn up, but for some reason, I've got a feeling that there was a blood capsule or something in his nose. That's way too much blood there. Good angle, obv. Shane McMahon tells Show that what he did wasn't a very good idea. Ya think?
After Mike Adamle runs down this next match, it's John Cena vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: They lock-up to start, and Cena covers Orton for two after a takedown. We've got dueling chants, as Orton kicks away at Cena, but Cena comes back with a facebuster for a two count. A Cena back elbow also gets two, but Orton kicks and punches away to knock Cena down. Cena rolls Orton up for two, but Orton comes back with a quick clothesline that also gets two. Cena drops Orton along the top, and follows it up with his top rope standing legdrop, getting another two count. Cena misses a charge to the corner, so Orton chokes away until an F-U attempt. Orton elbows Cena in the head and gives him a European uppercut which breaks Cena's attempt, then stomps all over Cena's body. Mainly on his pec and leg...cover got two. Orton misses a kneedrop, but he goes right to the sleeper, which eventually turns into a chinlock, as you'd figure. Once Cena gets out, he shoulderblocks Orton, and gives him a spin-out powerbomb, leading to the FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE. Orton bails out, leading the two to fight on the outside. They make it in at the count of NINE, and Orton gives Cena the inverted backbreaker he loves so much. Cover got two. Orton places Cena on top, only to be pushed off when he tries to follow. Cena misses his top rope standing legdrop, so Orton gets ready for the RKO. Nope, that's not gonna happen, because Cena just pushed him away and applied the STFU. Orton reaches the ropes and bails out, asking the referee to count him out, because his knee hurts. When Cena turns around, we've got an RKO on the floor. Faker. Cena breaks the count at 9 when getting back into the ring, so Orton punches the referee to get disqualified at 15:49. After the match, F-U, STFU, then Cena leaves.
Match Analysis: Good chickenshit heel move right there. Completely understandable, helped set the Mania main event up really well. We'll go with **3/4...I still have to punish the non-finish even though I liked it.
HHH and HBK are in the back...HBK prematurely apologizes for what's about to happen inside of the Elimination Chamber.
Of course, now's the time for the RAW Elimination Chamber. Which is...HHH vs. JBL vs. Shawn Michaels vs. UMAGA vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho.
Blow-by-Blow: Jericho and HBK will start things off. HBK shoulderblocks Jericho after a Jericho hammerlock, then they trade chops in the middle of the ring. HBK sunset flips Jericho for a two count, and after a pinfall reversal sequence, Jericho fires off a northern lights suplex for a two count. Shawn powers out to a backslide, but Jericho comes back with a clothesline and backbreaker. After shooting Shawn into the ropes, Jericho gets caught with a flying forearm, as HBK kips up...as usual. A Shawn inverted atomic drop is given to Jericho, but he misses the flying elbow off the top. Jericho with a facebuster, but misses the LIONSAULT. To the WALLS...but Shawn reverses and tries a SHARPSHOOTER. Nope to that as well, as Jericho rolls him up for two. After an elbowdrop and double collision, #3 enters. His name, UMAGA. Umaga hits both his opponents, tosses Jericho out, and clotheslines the both of them. He has Jericho up for a samoan drop, until Shawn jumps on top of UMAGA's shoulders. So instead, he samoan drops the both of them at once! Whoa. Umaga kicks Shawn out and headbutts Jericho, before following Shawn onto the steel and sitting on him. He now comes back in, gets the best after a slugfest with Jericho, but misses a flying headbutt off the second rope. Shawn elbowdrops Umaga from the top rope, and we get a KICKASS combination submssion move. Jericho's got the WALLS on Umaga, and Shawn's got the CROSSFACE on him. Yeah, awesome. #4 enters, that being JBL, which causes Jericho and Michaels to break the hold. Shawn's busted up pretty bad from the Jericho double collision earlier, which I decided to write down as JBL was giving Jericho a swinging neckbreaker. He puts the boots to Jericho, before giving him an elbowdrop for two. Umaga slams Shawn on the steel, while Jericho's giving JBL a swinging DDT, which gets a two count. JBL backdrops Jericho to the outside, as Umaga sends Shawn into the buckle and onto the steel. HHH comes in at #5, and goes right at Umaga. Knee to the face, before giving both Jericho and Umaga a spinebuster. He DDT's JBL for two, and when Umaga misses a charge on the outside, HHH tosses him into the glass on one of the pods. Jericho gives HHH a facebuster but misses the LIONSAULT, which leads JBL to give HHH the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL. CODEBREAKER from Jericho on JBL, though, and JBL's out via pinfall at 13:45.
In response to his elimination, JBL brings in some chairs and hits everyone with them. Oh, except HHH. Funny how that works out. Jericho's bleeding now, as #6 enters. That's Jeff Hardy. He works over Umaga, before dropkicking Shawn and giving Jericho a front suplex. He launches off Jericho's back into Umaga with Poetry in Motion, before giving a Whisper in the Wind to the former DX members. Umaga superkicks Hardy to end his little run, before giving Jericho a catatonic. Heh. HHH winds up in tree of woe position, so Umaga launches Shawn into HHH, sending Shawn upside down and headfirst into HHH's nuts. Umaga charges HHH through the glass via his ass, then goes back in, only to be given SWEET CHIN MUSIC. CODEBREAKER, PEDIGREE, SWANTON OFF THE TOP OF A POD, and Umaga's gone after the Jericho pin at 19:45.
After SWEET CHIN MUSIC on Jericho, Hardy pins him at 19:54. That was fast.
TWIST OF FATE on Shawn, but HHH tosses Hardy out before the pinfall. Instead, HHH gets the pinfall on Shawn after a PEDIGREE, at 20:25.
We're down to HHH and Hardy. Good. HHH tosses Hardy over the top, but Hardy pushes HHH into the chamber and gives him a DDT on the steel, causing HHH to bleed. HHH tries a PEDIGREE on the outside, but Jeff backdrops HHH back into the ring. Hardy misses a SWANTON, so HHH PEDIGREES him. ONLY GETTING TWO. Surprised by that. HHH grabs one of JBL's chairs that was left behind, but Hardy gives him a lowblow. HHH reverses a TWIST OF FATE attempt, PEDIGREE, and it's all over at 23:55. HHH goes to WrestleMania! Show's over, of course.
Match Analysis: Not only was that the best match I've seen (emphasis on seen) from the WWE in 2008, that was the best PPV match I've seen from them since watching the current product on WWE 24/7. IMO, it was better than HHH/Orton in Last Man Standing, which was fantastic. Just watch the match if you don't believe me. Great drama which wasn't spoiled by knowing who was gonna win, great highspots, no drop in pacing...just great. ****1/2.
Rating: Good. Originally, I had Orton/Cena rated a little bit higher than I should have, but I knocked it down a bit.
Best Segment: The RAW Elimination Chamber
Worst Segment: Flair/Kennedy. It's really too bad.
I want to review SNME #31 and get it up by tomorrow afternoon, but I won't be able to. The US is playing England at Wembley, and I'm not going to miss that. I'll try to get it up tomorrow night so that I can move on to something else. I'm probably going to review the Nick Bockwinkel matches that get posted too, because those aren't going to be found elsewhere.
As I said, I didn't rate or review the matches from the house show posted at the beginning of the month.
Scott Casey vs. Tama is the first match, as Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary.
- I'm not too excited about this match, so there's going to be an evident lack of words. Tama has rabies, cause he's foaming at the mouth. Literally!
- A Tama splash off the second rope finishes things via pinfall at 11:24. 1/2* for a matchup in which little effort was put forth.
Tito Santana vs. Outlaw Ron Bass is next up...
- Tito attacks at the start, and then we see a wild brawl. The floor is really dirty, as you can see by the color of Tito's back, which is black. Bass' piledriver was funny, because Tito's head never came close to the canvas. Like, a foot away.
- We're going to the time limit. 19:49 is the end of the bout, after Tito knocks Bass to the floor with a flying forearm. We have a draw. Tito wanted 5 more minutes, but Bass said "no mas" and left. **1/2. Would've liked it more had there been a finish.
Velvet McIntyre is taking on Sensational Sherri for the Ladies' Title.
- Sherri's entrance attire (cape and all) makes her look like a superhero. Just sayin'.
- The match isn't very good, as I figured. That's too bad. We get to see a giant swing, which keeps me happy. While not good, this is better than Casey/Tama. Sherri pins McIntyre after a back suplex at 14:24. *. You read right, 14 minutes for a ladies match. It'll be easier to explain why as this continues.
Rick Martel vs. Haku w/Tama is right now...
- But we've got a bit of an argument here. Tito Santana joins us because he's got a problem with Tama being at ringside. So, Tama wants that dumb Mexican to leave. However, the referee wants BOTH Tama and Santana to leave. They do.
- Duke Doherty has joined us for commentary. Thankfully, he's nowhere near as bad as he was on that Houston show I reviewed a while back.
- Tama hits Martel with a steel chair, allowing Haku to pick up the victory at 9:18. **. A stretcher comes out, but Martel leaves without using it.
Andre the Giant comes out, but doesn't get into the ring, because the fans were booing him. He then leaves.
The lumberjacks are out, and they consist of almost everyone with matches on the show. Ok, not almost everyone, but many of them. Those guys are...Tito Santana, the Islanders, George Steele, Junkyard Dog, Jose Estrada, Lanny Poffo, Ron Bass and Scott Casey. A jobberific roster to be sure, which explains how the ladies match and so many others ran/run so long.
The match they're lumberjacking in is Ricky Steamboat vs. Honky Tonk Man w/Jimmy Hart for the Intercontinental Championship.
- The entrances were during the commercial break, which sucks. This is a good excuse to have Santana fight with the Islanders.
- Good stuff we have here. Steamboat goes for the end, but Jimmy Hart distracts the referee, so we don't have a pinfall. For some reason, George Steele came into the ring and counted the fall, so the referee's gotta send him out. While the referee is doing that, Steamboat hits Jimmy Hart, which leaves the megaphone in the ring. Honky waffles Steamboat with it, and we've got a victor via pinfall at 11:40. ***. After the bout, much like in most lumberjack matches, we've got a free for all. Noice. The o in that word was deliberate. Just say it out loud.
After Gorilla Monsoon interviews Duke Doherty and I wonder why, I suddenly remember that intermission is usually after the real main event. So, we've got a few of these.
Next, with Superstar Billy Graham. I love his promo style.
A terrible promo with Butch Reed and Slic follows...
Last, Gorilla Monsoon is with the Junkyard Dog and George "the Animal" Steele.
Superstar Billy Graham vs. Butch Reed w/Slick is on...
- Graham's body looks like Hogan's circa 2002. Not in a good way. He can't take a flat-back bump, so he shouldn't be wrestling. As a result, the match sucks.
- Slick hits Graham with his cane, to end things at 8:58. -*. Both guys fight, until it gets broken up by Pat Patterson and Gorilla Monsoon. You read that last name right. On the way in, he elbowed Slick to the canvas. That was the only redeemable aspect of that situation. Both guys were DQ'd.
Lanny Poffo vs. Jose Estrada is next...I fastforwarded. Poffo won.
Our main event is...Demolition vs. The Junkyard Dog and George "the Animal" Steele.
- Ok, this is really going to suck. We all know it.
- The match could not possibly be slower. Steele hits Smash with a chair, getting his team disqualified at 6:10. At least it was short. DUD.
Rating: Bad. Too many DUD'y matches.
Best Segment: Steamboat/Honky
Worst Segment: Graham vs. Reed.
You see, this was the WWF's "B" roster. The "C" roster's show on the same day was headlined by...Paul Orndorff vs. Harley Race, and Jake Roberts vs. King Kong Bundy. The "A" roster's show had matches like Ted DiBiase vs. Davey Boy Smith, The Hart Foundation vs. Kamala and Sika, and Hulk Hogan vs. Killer Khan. The roster was in need of strengthening. Thankfully, that would come soon after, with guys moving up the card, people like Rick Rude coming in, etc...
No Way Out 2008 review will be up before or on Tuesday.
Not really looking forward to this, but like all other shows, I'll give it a shot. Card doesn't look so great.
First match is Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam vs. The Dudley Boys.
Blow-by-Blow: Ok, that sounds weird. RVD and Bubba start, but the referee gets distracted so that D-Von can attack from behind. Good idea. D-Von rams RVD into the buckle before tagging in Bubba, who chokes away. RVD comes back with a spinning heel kick, and a dropkick, before sending Bubba to the corner for a monkey flip. D-Von gets backdropped and clotheslined over the top, so both guys follow them to the floor. RVD with a tope con hilo, Mysterio with a plancha. D-Von and RVD continue in the ring, with an RVD enziguri. Bubba gets hit on accident by D-Von, so to counter that, he pulls RVD over the top and to the floor. After ramming RVD into the table, he sends him back in, where D-Von gives him a jawbreaker. Bubba elbowdrops RVD in the nuts, which all of a sudden fires the WWE's resident pot smoker up. RVD kicks Bubba and gives him a leg trip, allowing him to tag in Rey for the first time. Mysterio flies in with a springboard seated senton, and a springboard crossbody, which gets two. Mysterio gives Bubba a flying headscissors, but when trying the west coast pop, Bubba just tosses him onto the top rope. Ouch. D-Von slams Mysterio and gives him a legdrop, which only gets two. After we go to the chinlock for a few seconds, D-Von gives Mysterio a flying back elbow. Bubba tags in and suplexes the little guy, before they switch and D-Von chokes Mysterio with his boot. Mysterio gives D-Von a bulldog, and RVD tags in...but the referee never saw the tag. Bubba gives Mysterio a spinebuster for two, and sends Mysterio into the corner, in tree of woe position. Mysterio gives Bubba a Diamond Cutter out of that (really), and a moonsault block, which gets two. Now he's able to tag in RVD, who's blazin', dog. A spinning heel kick gets two. D-Von misses a charge to the corner, allowing RVD to give him a springboard kick. Follow it with a ROLLING THUNDER, but only got a two count. Bubba backdrops Mysterio over the top and to the floor, giving the Dudleys a chance to do their headbutt off the top thing. But nope, D-Von got crotched. Mysterio gives Bubba a broncobuster, and hurricanrana's D-Von down from the top for a two count. Bubba tosses out Mysterio, but RVD kicks Bubba so that both he and D-Von are in 619 position. 619, FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH on D-Von, so RVD and Rey pick up the pinfall victory at 15:16.
Match Analysis: This was pretty good. You know, I'd really like to see the Dudley Boys back in the WWE if they could have matches like this with regularity. I guess that's what happens when you don't get stuck with matches against teams like Cade and Jindrak, La Resistance and the like. **1/2.
We're in Booker T's lockerroom, where he talks about how he's too good for Smackdown, and also the voodoo he'll use to defeat the Undertaker later tonight.
Now we go back to the ring, as Luther Reigns is wheeling out a large platform. All of a sudden, Kurt Angle appears in the center, while sitting in the wheelchair. After making fun of this crowd and our teams, he says that it's Torrie Wilson's fault he's sitting in this wheelchair. As such, if she loses her match tonight, she'll be forced to retire.
So, of course, Torrie Wilson's going to face Dawn Marie right now.
Blow-by-Blow: Both ladies lock up, but Torrie pushes Dawn down to the canvas. After an un-Perfect like neck snap, she gives Dawn Marie a dropkick for two. Torrie gives her a sunset flip for 2, and a few clotheslines before ramming her into the buckle. Torrie goes up top and misses a crossbody, which leads us to a REALLY, REALLY boring segment of the match. Dawn chokes Torrie and keeps her out of the ring in boring fashion for at least two minutes, before giving her a legdrop. Back in, Torrie gives her a neckbreaker, which gets two. On a rollup attempt by Torrie, Dawn's pants come off. HOLY BUTT. That's just a bit distracting. Dawn gives Torrie a facebuster for two, but after a bit of fighting, Torrie wins the match with a backslide at 6:14.
Match Analysis: I liked seeing Dawn's BUTT. Other than that, the match was brutal. Got no problems giving this a DUD, as it was one of the more boring matches I've watched in a while.
JBL's in the back, thanking some immigrants out there for what they do. But not all of them, as he says that everyone in this country should speak English. Stuff like that!
Scotty 2 Hotty comes out, and...you know what time it is. The debut of Mordecai! Those two will face off.
Blow-by-Blow: What a gimmick this Mordecai is. By what a gimmick, I mean, what the fuck was the WWE thinking? For some reason, I associate this with Kevin Sullivan. Mordecai tosses Scotty around, before choking him a whole lot. After ramming Scotty into the post, back to the choke we go. A running boot follows, so Scotty decides he had better get some offense in. After a superkick and facebuster, he looks to do the WORM. But Mordecai tosses Scotty into the second rope. Clothesline, Razor's Edge, match over at 3:02. What a huge victory for this debuting youngster.
Match Analysis: 1/2* for the Razor's Edge. Glad this gimmick was ditched in short fashion. Super dumb.
Chavo Guerrero and Chavo Classic are in the back, as Jacqueline is giving Chavo Jr. a present. It's a bra and panties! That's cause Chavo's going to be in need of them after being beaten by a woman or something. Chavo Classic checks the sizes as Chavo Jr. and Jackie talk...I laughed.
Next up, we have Billy Gunn and Hardcore Holly facing Rico and Charlie Haas w/Miss Jackie for the WWE Tag Team Titles.
Blow-by-Blow: I like Rico. He's a funny guy. He grabs BUTT, which makes both opponents bail. Haas and Holly start, with a Haas fireman's carry. He trips Holly, but Holly responds with a shoulderblock. When trying another shoulderblock, Haas gives him an armdrag and tags in Rico. Rico goes behind...which brings Gunn in. Rico wanted to place a kiss on his lips, but Gunn ran away. Rico then grabs Gunn's BUTT to break a headlock, before riding Gunn like a rose and making him act like he was going to suck Rico's dick. Seriously. Haas now tags in, and Holly hits him, letting Gunn get a cover for two. Holly gives Haas a suplex for two, before tagging in Gunn, who rams Haas into the buckle. Holly's back in, and to the chinlock he goes. A sign in the crowd says that this match is a DUD. I don't agree, but it's close! Holly gives Haas a dropkick, and that nutshot of his at the ropes. Ouch? We move forward to a Holly slam, but when he comes off the top, he eats Haas' boot. Rico makes the hot tag, and he's flaming. I tried to go along with the blazin' thing from the RVD match, ya know? After a Rico inverted atomic drop, Haas comes in, only for Rico to be given the FAMEASSER. Haas gives Gunn a GERMAN SUPLEX in response, which brings Holly in. Haas tries a sunset flip, but Holly won't go down, so Rico superkicks Holly, allowing Haas to get the pinfall win at 10:27.
Match Analysis: The only thing really redeeming about the match was the comedy. Seeing as I thought it was funny, I'll go with *...but I'll also say, if someone says this is the dumbest shit they've ever seen, I wouldn't argue with them. Humor is subjective.
Part #2 begins, and after a promo with Paul Bearer and the Undertaker, we have Chavo Guerrero Jr. w/Chavo Classic vs. Jacqueline for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: Bring back Chavo Classic plz. Anyway, Chavo has to wrestle with one arm tied behind his back. Chavo gives Jackie three backbreakers, showing his dominance. Jackie replies with a headscissors, which takes Chavo to the apron. Jackie jumps on Chavo's back, but he backs up into the corner. Jackie kicks him for two, before knocking Classic down from the apron. A Jackie lowblow and sunset flip get two, so Chavo Jr. bails. Classic goes up behind him, and oh, he untied Chavo Jr's hand. Chavo needs to act like the hand is still tied up, so he does, of course. Chavo clotheslines Jackie pretty hard, then as Chavo Classic distracts, he gives Jackie a GORY BOMB. The cover gets three at 4:45. After the match, Chavo grabs a microphone, and says that everyone shouldn't have laughed at him. Then Chavo Classic kicks Jackie in the gut, before they leave.
Match Analysis: What was this, exactly? Boy, some of the stuff on this PPV is really retarded. I'll go with 1/2*. I don't understand why this stuff can't be on Smackdown and why Chavo couldn't face an actual cruiserweight. But whatever.
Rene Dupree is up against...John Cena, for the United States Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: Cena wears a James Worthy(!) jersey to the ring, before rapping. Bring that back, plz. They lock-up, but a Cena punch to Dupree makes him bail out. Cena gives Dupree a Thesz Press, before some knees and a backdrop. A clothesline sends Dupree out, so Cena gives him a headbutt. Dupree rams Cena into the post, before a few kicks and punches. In we go, and Dupree gives Cena a backbreaker for two. Dupree applies a bearhug, but Cena gives him a jawbreaker to end the hold. Cena follows it up with a gutshot, and a clothesline. Sidewalk slam, and Cena tries the FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE...but he misses. Dupree gives Cena a chokeslam, and dances, before trying an elbowdrop. It misses. Dupree gives Cena a DDT, and then tries a rollup. But instead, Cena tries an F-U, but a Dupree neckbreaker gets two. Cena gives Dupree a backdrop, and sits down on Dupree during a sunset flip attempt for another two count. A backslide gets two, then Dupree misses a charge to the corner, so we've got an F-U for the pinfall at 9:56. Cena gives away the Worthy jersey after the match...pick me!
Match Analysis: This was far better than I expected. Was surprised to see very little restholds, and rather quick spots. Didn't think Dupree had it in him. We'll go with *** as the rating for this match.
After a Kenzo Suzuki (ha) vignette, we move forward to Booker T vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer.
Blow-by-Blow: After a lock-up, both trade punches, until a Booker kick does nothing. Then Taker gives him a clothesline, before ramming him into the buckle and shoulder-charging into him a few times. After a Taker sidewalk slam, a big legdrop follows for a two count. Taker sends Booker over the top with a clothesline, but back in, a Booker missile dropkick got a two count. After some Booker rights, Booker goes over to his bag of dust in the corner. Yeah, the voodoo shit. Taker punches away, and it's time for OLD SCHOOL. After a DOWNWARD SPIRAL from the Deadman, he goes for the LAST RIDE. But, Booker gets out of it and flies into the official. So, we've got a ref bump. After he throws dirt into Taker's eye, nothing really happens, because Taker no-sold it. Taker gives Booker an avalanche, but misses a charge to the corner, leading Booker to go to work on the knee. Booker rams Taker's leg into the post before doing the same into the steps, then gives Taker a harlem sidekick, for a two count. Taker punches away, but Booker gives Taker a nice scissors kick, which also gets two. Taker sits up, big boot, CHOKESLAM, TOMBSTONE, all over at 11:27. Just like that.
Match Analysis: Wasn't the best, but still acceptable. Fits right in with the "what are they doing" aspect, because really, what's up with this voodoo stuff? While acceptable, less than pleasing. *3/4. Of course, at the Great American Bash, Taker would move on to pouring cement on Paul Bearer, and Booker moved onto the Best of 5 thing with John Cena. Was that any good? I wasn't watching then.
Finally, after a whole bunch of trash on this card, we've got John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Eddie Guerrero for the WWE Championship. Remember, JBL made Eddie's mom have a heart attack.
Blow-by-Blow: JBL's promo before the match is pretty offensive. I'm not offended, but I'm sure someone out there was. Anyway, Eddie comes right into the ring and punches away at JBL, before sending him into the steel steps. Next, Eddie rams JBL into the ringpost, and then the announce table. He chokes away with a TV cord, and after a few rights, JBL decides to leave. Eddie jumps JBL in the aisle, and assualts him, to end that thought. Back towards the ring, JBL sends Eddie into the steel steps. Ouch. In we go, and we've got a JBL big boot. An elbowdrop gets two, so JBL goes to the knees and chops. After whipping Eddie hard into the buckle, JBL takes him over with a headlock. A shoulderblock follows, and we go back to the headlock. Another shoulderblock follows, but Eddie armdrags the challenger twice, taking him out of the ring. Eddie flies out with a pescado, but JBL catches him on the way down and gives him a fallaway slam. On the floor. Eddie charges at JBL after some chops, but JBL backdrops him onto the Spanish announce table. JBL gives Eddie a neckbreaker on the inside for two, and then a reverse backdrop. You know, a backdrop where the guy lands on his stomach. Got two. To a bearhug we go, but Eddie quickly whips JBL into the buckle. Dropkick...and the THREE AMIGOS come shortly after, except there are only two of them. Instead, JBL tried a powerbomb, only to have it reversed into a move that caused the referee to get knocked out. Eddie backdrops JBL over the top rope, and tells the announcers to get out of the way. He slides JBL across the announce table, but JBL gets up and whacks Eddie in the head with a chair. Wow, we call that tapping an artery. Eddie is just GUSHING blood. JBL picks up the steel steps and hits Eddie with them, before giving him the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL back inside the ring. Referee is still out, but another referee counts the fall...but we only saw two. Eddie drop-toe holds JBL into our new ref, so when JBL gives Eddie a big boot and powerbomb, that referee isn't there to count. But the original one is, and he counts two. To a sleeper JBL goes, as you can see Eddie wearing, literally, a crimson mask. Now that I've seen this match, this is going to be one of the lasting moments I have of Eddie. Eddie reverses the sleeper into a back suplex, and he also reverses JBL's fallaway slam into a DDT. Picking up momentum...but he misses the FROG SPLASH. Bradshaw grabs the WWE Title and a steel chair, but hands the chair to the referee. What's that about? Oh wait, he was getting the referee to put the chair back, for distraction. But, Eddie kicks him in the nuts, and hits him with the WWE Title for the disqualification at 23:12. I think I can forgive that one. After the match, Eddie just beats the shit out of JBL. Figuratively speaking. Chairshots all over the place make JBL bleed, then he hits the FROG SPLASH on his second attempt. JBL tried to leave, but Eddie jumps him and punches away at him in the aisle. INTENSE! To break things up, Arn Anderson and Dean Malenko(!) among others come out, ending the show.
Match Analysis: Wow, that was pretty good. About just as good as everyone makes it out to be. Not saying it was the best match ever or anything, but I was still pleasantly surprised. Eddie can have a good match with anyone. Had everything, that being good wrestling, blood, and viciousness. I'm still going to take a bit off of the rating, so we've got a ***3/4 match here.
Rating: Bad. I can try to convince myself that it isn't, but that would be kinda hard. We've got three, maybe four matches someone could've called a DUD. I can't ignore that. It's not like our midcard action was on fire. Honestly, I would never have ordered this card, even though I really liked Eddie Guerrero. Most of the matchups are trash. All but the last two matches could've and should've been on Smackdown.
Best Segment: Eddie/JBL post-match beatdown. Yeah.
Worst Segment: Scotty 2 Hotty/Mordecai squash. While Torrie/Dawn Marie was bad, we got BUTT. I love BUTT.
As usual, I didn't rate and take notes on the early 1980's MSG show. So the next review will just have the one from 8/22/1987, and that should be up on Saturday. I'll do No Way Out 2008: Elimination Chambers Galore after that.
The Millionaire's Club arrives in a bus...while the New Blood watches them on TV. That's how we begin our show!
Our first matchup is The Artist w/Paisley vs. Chris Candido w/Sunny for the Cruiserweight Championship. Her WCW name isn't Sunny, but I call her that anyway.
Blow-by-Blow: Mark Madden calls the two managers "hot tramps." I lol'd. Artist starts the match with a shoulderblock, but Candido responds with a forward roll for 2. An Artist german suplex gets 2, so Artist takes Candido to the corner for a 10 punch. Candido breaks free, but he misses a charge to the corner and gets backdropped to the floor. Artist hits Candido on a Candido plancha attempt, but Candido comes right back and rams him into the entrance ramp which is connected to the ring, in old-school WCW fashion. Candido tries a piledriver on the entrance ramp, but Artist gives him a backdrop for a two count. In with a hurricanrana, but Candido takes him down sloppily for a two count. Artist gets tossed out of the ring, but he suplexes Candido from the inside to the outside, bringing Chris with him. Candido lowblows Artist on the inside, but The Artist gives him a powerbomb, before going up to the second rope. Candido catches him on the way down and places him on top, but he can't give him a frankensteiner. An Artist flying schoolboy gets a two count, as he gives Candido a backdrop to follow. Candido pokes Artist in the eye, before slamming him and heading up top. Artist stops any planned move, and gives him a SAMOAN DROP OFF THE 2ND ROPE. Sunny distracts so that we don't have a pinfall, so Paisley runs over and pulls Sunny down to the ground. Sunny gets up though and hits the Artist with a chair, for the three count. Uh, why did Artist kick out? The match continues, with a Candido piledriver. A flying headbutt off the top gets the three count at 7:57. Weird. The women fight, and Sunny's dress comes off. Yay!
Match Analysis: Sorta better than I expected, because as has been stated, I don't like Iaukea. He probably wasn't supposed to kick out at the end, but the match was still quite good. Quite! Well, a good eight minute match. Who really can complain, we're talking about WCW 2000 here. **.
After a video for Terry Funk, we've got a hardcore handicap match, between Norman Smiley and his mystery partner, who are facing Terry Funk, for the Hardcore Title. Figured this was going to be Terry Time.
Blow-by-Blow: Norman attacks Funk as his mystery partner is hiding in the bathroom (wearing Kansas City Royals catcher's equipment), and we're underway. Norman hits Funk a whole bunch of times with a trash can, getting a two count. Funk rams Norman into Mean Gene's interview set (oh yeah, they're backstage. Thought that was a duh.), before hitting Norman's mystery partner with a chair. The partner has not yet been revealed, because they're wearing a mask in addition to a catcher's mask. Norman climbs up along with Funk onto this pile of artificial turf, but Funk kicks him off, putting Norman through a table. Funk smashes Norman into an equipment cart, then hits him with a road block sign. Ha, Road Block! Funk hits the partner, and we move towards the arena. Funk hits Norman with a laptop, and now, we see who the mystery partner is...it's RALPHUS! YES! Oh wait, his BUTT is hanging out. NO! Oh no. Everyone's laughing, as Norman hits Funk with a ladder. Norman then hits Funk with a chair, for a two count. Norman tosses the ladder at Funk, and gives him the BIG WIGGLE! Ralphus does the same as his ass is hanging out, but Funk hits the both of them with a chair. Funk wins with a rollup on Norman, at 10:03.
Match Analysis: Certainly bad, but highly entertaining. I mean, we're talkin' about Ralphus. RALPHUS! If you didn't get some sort of enjoyment out of this, I kinda feel for you. Anyway, I'll rate the match *1/2. It wasn't too bad.
After David Arquette shows up, Mean Gene interviews Arquette, and Arquette says that he arrived by himself because he's not with the Millionaire's Club.
Moving on, we've got Curt Hennig facing Shawn Stasiak.
Blow-by-Blow: Stasiak comes out to a Mr. Perfect music ripoff. He's the perfect one, you see. Stasiak starts with an armdrag and a hiptoss, but Hennig gives him a hiptoss as well, before slamming him. That causes Stasiak to bail, and when he comes back in, he applies a headlock. Hennig reverses to a wristlock, do those last 9 words again, and Stasiak gives Hennig a crossbody for 2. Stasiak sunset flips in for one, but Hennig slaps him, to gain control. Hennig gives Stasiak a kneelift, as we see that Misfits in Action are sitting at ringside. Oh joy! Stasiak rams Hennig into the announce table, cause we're brawlin'. I'm surprised this match isn't over the rights to the Perfect name. After all, we're talking about Russo here. Stasiak goes up top, and clotheslines Hennig inside of the ring for a two count. He tosses Hennig outside onto the entrance ramp, but Hennig tries a slam, before bringing him in. No slam, and Stasiak pushes him in. Stasiak gives Hennig a sleeper, and when Hennig breaks out, Stasiak pulls him to the canvas by his hair. Up top, Stasiak misses a crossbody, and now Hennig takes over. Slaps, chops, backdrops, big right hands...but Stasiak slingshots Hennig into the ring post. A Perfect-Plex gives STASIAK the pinfall victory, at 7:55. Hah.
Match Analysis: This was just dumb, I'm sorry. I really don't like that Stasiak went over, but I saw it coming. You know, that whole Russo philosophy of "putting over young guys at any time possible, fuck the old guys and make them lose all the time." I hate Russo. Oh, I nearly forgot. Match rating. *1/4. While Hennig was used up at this point, you should be able to have a semi-decent match with him. Stasiak could not.
After Vince Russo is told by Scott Steiner not to touch him, we move forward to General Rection vs. Scott Steiner w/His Freaks for the United States Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: Steiner jaws with the fans a bit, before heading into the ring and chomping away at Hugh E. Rection. Rection gives Steiner a clothesline, then the Freaks get on the apron to distract, allowing Steiner to take over. Steiner follows with a scoop slam attempt, but Rection reverses it into an inverted atomic drop and gives Steiner an inverted atomic drop and spinning heel kick for two. After a sidewalk slam, Rection goes up top, and comes down with an elbowdrop. Back up, and the Freaks crotch him. Ouchie. Steiner gives Rection a clothesline and elbow, before grabbing the referee like a nutcase. You know, he's teasing this roid rage thing. Kinda funny. A t-bone suplex and spinning belly-to-belly suplex get a two count, before telling the referee that he sucks. Steiner whips Rection into the buckle, but he misses a charge, which causes Rection to give Steiner two avalanches. Steiner responds with a clothesline and double-underhook powerbomb, before going for a...TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER? Weird. Anyway, Rection finds his way out of the hold, and responds with an inverted piledriver of his own! To the top, but he misses the moonsault, which is now called Raging Climax. Seriously now, I mean, come the fuck on. STEINER RECLINER, and Rection taps out at 9:20. R&B Security keeps MIA from running in the ring, but that doesn't stop BOOKER T. He's in, HARLEM SIDEKICK on Steiner, which causes Big Poppa Pump to leave.
Match Analysis: I liked the run-in at the end. As far as the match, it was just okay, and really, just a long squash. I hated everything about the M.I.A angle, but this match was okay. Could've been much, much worse, and to be truthful, I'm glad that the usual Russo garbage has been sorta kept to a minimum. **.
Mean Gene is with Kanyon, who's taking on Mike Awesome, right now!
Blow-by-Blow: A Kanyon shoulderblock doesn't do a thing, but a clothesline sure does. Kanyon misses a charge to the corner, knocking him to the outside, so Awesome flies out with a TOPE. After getting rammed into the steps, Kanyon rams Awesome into the post, and somersaults off the ring apron onto Awesome. We go back in, and after Awesome drops Kanyon throat-first on the top rope, Awesome gives him a clothesline off the top for a 2 count. Awesome hits Kanyon with a chair on the outside, a whole bunch. After ramming Kanyon into the table, he hits him with a water bottle and a chair. After they fight in the crowd, Awesome chokes Kanyon with a television cable, and sends him in the ring for a slingshot splash, which gets a two count. Kanyon tries a sunset flip in an attempt for some sort of offense, but Awesome gives him a clothesline, before tossing him to the outside. Chairshot, back in, and Kanyon crotches him on top. A Kanyon neckbreaker off the top gets two, and a regular neckbreaker does the same. Kanyon comes off the top with a crossbody, but Awesome rolls through for two. Kanyon flapjacks Awesome from fireman's carry position, but that only gets two as well. Awesome responds with a spinebuster, and then, he powerbombs Kanyon ON HIS HEAD. YO. Awesome peels the padding off the floor at ringside, and looks to powerbomb Kanyon out of the ring. Instead, he gives Kanyon a release german suplex. Awesome goes to the other side of the ring, peels off more padding, and looks to powerbomb Kanyon OFF THE RAMP. The Wolfpac music hits...it's BIG KEV! Nash beats on Awesome, which brings Kidman and a whole bunch of dudes out, leading to a no contest at 11:39. The Millionaire's Club follows, and we've got a big brawl, which they get the best of.
Match Analysis: I liked the Millionaire's Club. So, I'm glad they ran out there and kicked some ass. I think my reasons for liking the Millionaire's Club are obvious, being that I like old, washed up wrestlers. Anyway, the match was pretty fantastic, for WCW. Easy ***. You know, that Mike Awesome guy should've been a World Champion. What a great performer he was.
After Russo argues with Elizabeth, we have The Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell.
Blow-by-Blow: Obviously the Package is Lex Luger. I didn't even need to mention that. Lex looks funny with short hair, I should add. We start with a ton of posing, then a few punches from Buff. Buff chokes away, and gives Luger a back elbow for two. After a Luger suplex, he gives Buff two inverted atomic drops, and a big right hand to put him down to the canvas. Luger tries a ten punch, but instead, he gives Buff a clothesline. He rams Buff into the guardrail, before bringing him back in, only to be dropped on the top rope. A Buff DDT gets two, and we go to the chinlock. Both men collide, and Buff gets up first, to give Luger a bodyslam and splash for two. Buff gets his nuts crunched when trying to jump on Luger's back, and we go to a clip in the back, where Elizabeth hits Russo in the back with his bat. Oh Lord. Here she is at ringside, as Luger's a house of fire. Clotheslines and a powerslam, but Buff ends it with a clothesline. Liz tries to hit Buff with the bat, but Buff hits Luger with it. After a Buff neckbreaker, he goes to the second rope, where Liz hits him with the bat. TORTURE RACK, and it's over at 9:31. Chuck Palumbo attacks Luger after the match, and after a Buff reverse DDT, Chuck puts him in the RACK. Then, Buff takes Liz away from Luger. Ha, what the fuck. It just gets worse later, believe me.
Match Analysis: This was a bad idea. Match was *1/4. Sorry, but you can't just have NU BLOOD run in and attack an established star. That shit was not going to work in WCW's, um, atmosphere.
After Mean Gene interviews the FRANCHISE, we get that sorry sap's match, cause he's facing THE MAN, THE LEGEND, THE NATURE BOY, RIC FLAIR!
Blow-by-Blow: What's with guys not wearing their ring gear? I don't understand that shit at all, and I never will. Unless you get attacked in the back, impromptu, or something. Flair cuts a promo in the ring, and says he'll kick Shane's ECW ASS. I'll believe it when I see it. Shane gives Flair a shoulderblock, and a backdrop, before going for a ten punch at the corner. Douglas misses a charge, but he slams Flair down when Flair goes up top for a leap of faith. FIGURE-FOUR from Douglas, but Flair makes the rope. After Douglas kicks Flair in the crotch, he tries another figure-four, but Flair responds with a lowblow of his own. Flair whips Douglas into the guardrail, and rams him into the post. Good. Back in, and after a Douglas suplex, Douglas grabs a chain from his boot, and nails Flair in the head with it. Three rolling suplexes follow, but the cover only gets two. Why not cover after the chainshot? That's just dumb. After trading blows and Flair getting the best of it, Flair begins to work on the leg. You know what for. He gives Douglas a nut-kick, chopblock and kneebreaker, before applying the figure-four. Buff Bagwell is running distraction as some moron in a Sting mask is hitting Ric Flair with the bat...and Douglas gets the pinfall win at 8:45. That moron being Vince Russo. Shane hits Flair in the nuts with his chain, and when Russo and Douglas leave, Flair calls Russo out. Luger makes Russo get back in the ring, but wait a second, Russo comes down the ramp. Oh, I know what's going on. I'm not that big of a fuckin' idiot, I knew all along. I just forgot who was under the mask...it's DAVID FLAIR. Gimme a fucking break. He's beating on his father as the five minutes begin, and does so until Kevin Nash runs out and beats up the real Russo. Daffney jumps on his back, and that helps things to cool down soon after.
Match Analysis: You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me with this crap. I half-thought that Nash was going to run out and help with the attack on Flair. You have to expect that kind of dumb shit when you're dealing with the genius that is Vince Russo. Oh, and the match was shit. I thought about writing a long spiel about how Meltzer was a little bit out to lunch for rating this ***, but I decided not to. Instead, I'll talk about how much I hate this version of the Franchise. It's almost like he forgot how to wrestle when he left ECW. And now that he can't curse to his heart's content in WCW, he doesn't have any redeeming qualities. His in-ring work sucks, he has no heat, he can't talk worth a shit, and he (everyone else too, which bothers me in regards to Russo WCW) cheats all the fucking time. Just go the fuck away. Thank God he decided to become a manager at Target. I'd rather watch Tank Abbott wrestle than watch the 2000 version of Shane Douglas. I'll stick to the 1992 version, thank you very much. That guy was carryable, not a Dynamic Dude, and over. Who would've thought. I'm going to rate the match 1/2*. Such an abortion of a segment that I feel like giving the whole thing negative stars, but really, I can't. I already took off enough.
Whew, now that's over...
Sting vs. Vampiro is on...
Blow-by-Blow: This angle is so bad, just, ugh. Sting hits Vampiro with the bat at the start as they fight on the ramp, and after a Sting suplex and inverted atomic drop, he sends Vampiro into the ring. Sting gives Vampiro a missile dropkick, which knocks him out for a Sting dive off the top turnbuckle. Sting gives Vampiro a DDT on the floor, before bringing him in, only to be given a lowblow. Vampiro comes off the top with a clothesline, before grabbing a LEAD PIPE and hitting Sting with it. After a kneedrop, he goes back to the pipe, and does a facebuster on the entrance ramp. After a Vampiro spin kick, he clotheslines Sting into the ring. Sting replies with a lowblow, and powerbombs him off the top rope. Lead pipe, STINGER SPLASH...and two SCORPION DEATHDROPS, is what picks up the pinfall victory at 6:50. After the match, Sting hits Vampiro with the lead pipe...guess this feud is over. HA, or not.
Match Analysis: *1/2. Not good, not bad. But there's really nothing about this to talk about.
Mike Tenay is with DDP and David Arquette, going over their gameplan for later. After we see Nash looking for Russo, Tenay interviews Billy Kidman and Eric Bischoff.
Hulk Hogan w/Horace Hogan (during the entrance) is facing Billy Kidman w/Torrie Wilson, and Eric Bischoff is the special guest referee. And this is a hardcore match.
Blow-by-Blow: Hogan's wearing the F.U.N.B vest. Lolz. Hogan chases Kidman around the ring and tries a bodyslam when they get back in, but Kidman creadles him for a two count. When Kidman tries a sunset flip, Hogan picks him up, choke tosses him, and clotheslines him to the floor. Hogan brings Kidman in and press slams him onto a folding chair, but misses a charge at the corner. After a Kidman hurricanrana (which I was surprised to see Hogan take quite well), he follows it up with a dropkick. Back tot he outside, where Hogan tosses Kidman into the guardrail. A Kidman forearm puts Hogan down, but Hogan comes back with a clothesline, before taking off the weightlifting belt. Hits Kidman in the back a whole bunch, and after Bischoff takes it away, Kidman grabs it and goes to town on Hogan. Hogan hiptosses Kidman to the floor after a reversal sequence, but when he brings Kidman back in, Bischoff won't count the fall. Bischoff also won't count the fall after a Hogan back suplex, so Hogan misses a few elbowdrops. Now Kidman should get control. BUT, after a few Kidman punches, guess who Hulks up? Big boot, but Bischoff blocks the legdrop. So Hogan punches him. After Hogan drops the leg, Bischoff grabs a chair, which Hogan takes. Hogan hits both Bischoff and Kidman with the chair, and goes out to get a table. Kidman hits Hogan all over with a chair, but the cover only gets two. Hogan's bleeding, but he still boots the chair into Kidman's face. Hogan POWERBOMBS Bischoff through the table, before going to get another one. After it's set up, Kidman hits Hogan with a chair, before heading up top. He goes for a splash...but slams through the table on the way down. Horace goes over and makes Bischoff count the pinfall, which takes place at 13:36.
Match Analysis: Quite enjoyable! I liked how things weren't formula for a Hogan match, at all. Did I just throw Russo a bone? Yeah, I kinda did. Good job for all involved. I'll rate it **3/4.
Vince Russo leaves, but first, he gives Elizabeth back to Luger. See what I'm talking about, that doesn't make any fuckin' sense whatsoever. He went through all that trouble to get her back, and just handed her to the person she was taken from. Man oh man.
After a video and interview with Jeff Jarrett, we have Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page vs. David Arquette in a Triple Cage Match for the WCW Heavyweight Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: The top cage is full of guitars, the second cage from the top is filled with PLUNDAH, and in the first cage, you have to climb a ladder to get to the second one. The belt hangs from the ceiling. Was that a good explanation? Arquette and DDP have a plan that Arquette's supposed to hang around on the side. Jarrett chases Arquette around the ring to start, but DDP rams Jarrett into the cage. Jarrett gives Page a DDT and chases Arquette again, but DDP gives Jarrett a clothesline to end it. In the ring, DDP gives Jarrett a uranage. Arquette tries to splash Jarrett from the top, but he misses. I was really surprised to see Arquette do that. After DDP rams Jarrett into the cage, Jarrett dropkicks the ladder into DDP. That's smart. DDP tries to ram Jarrett's nuts into the ringpost, but Jarrett turns the tables and rams DDP's face into said post. Page sets the ladder up as Jarrett's bleeding, so DDP takes Jarrett out for a few more shots into the cage. Jarrett back suplexes DDP off the ladder as both try to escape, and after DDP's able to push Jarrett from the ladder onto the entrance ramp, DDP makes it to Cage #2!
Page cut the lock to exit the second cage, but Jarrett arrived and kept him from leaving. Jarrett hits Page with a chair, and tries to go to the third level. He can't. Jarrett breaks a tray over Page's head, but Page responds by hitting him with a trash can. Both knock over one of the walls in Cage #2, leaving an open walkway to the outside. They could've both fell into the crowd, there. Page slams Jarrett through a table, and oh yeah, both guys are bleeding now. Arquette runs up to the third level, apparently to guard the title from intereference or a Jarrett victory. Mike Awesome shows up and attacks Page, but Page gives him a DIAMOND CUTTER.
Jarrett and Page finally make it into guitar heaven, otherwise known as Cage #3. Both of them miss multiple guitar shots, leaving Arquette the only one with a guitar. So both make their climb toward the top and the belt. Page is almost there, but Arquette waffles Page with the guitar, allowing Jarrett to grab the title and become two time WCW Champion. Awesome gets up now, to attack Page, but Kanyon makes the save. So Awesome throws him off the second cage to the ramp below, in the same arena where Owen Hart died, after a big fall. Stay classy, WCW. Don't ever change. End of the show.
Match Analysis: Anyone who didn't see that coming when watching the show live should slap themselves. Both things. I was pleasantly surprised in regards to the match. I thought it was pretty damn good. My favorite part was the frequent missed guitar shots in Cage #3. In such a small space, it's pretty damn hard to miss that many guitar shots. I'd kinda like if WWE were to one day revive this match. It's fun! We'll go with ***1/4 as the rating. I don't feel like getting all hissy about the swerve and Kanyon's fall to the floor.
Rating: The show was bad, there's just no way around it. It doesn't even matter that there were a few good decisions, some of the booking just boggled my mind. Too many swerves.
Best Segment: I liked Awesome vs. Kanyon, myself. While there was a better match on this show, I preferred this, given that there were no SWERVES.
Worst Segment: David Flair hitting Ric Flair. Good God.
Judgment Day 2004 review should be up sometime soon.
As usual, Nitro is first. This particular edition takes place on July 28th, as WWE decided to skip a week. Takes place in Charleston, West Virginia.
To start, we've got Vicious and Delicious w/Vincent vs. Ric Flair and Curt Hennig. Sounds good.
- Hennig's a free agent, you see. If that makes sense. Anyhow, this matchup sounds pretty good. After about four or five minutes we go to a commercial.
- And we're back, with Buff working over Flair. Syxx pulls Flair to the floor, exposing Flair's BUTT. You know, Flair loves that. HENNIG-PLEX on Buff, gets the win at 9:09 (heh)(shown). *1/2.
Mean Gene is now with the Total Package, who comes to the ring and tears off his shirt. Wow, what a man. He's ready for Road Wild, but we've got something else first. There's a clause in Hogan's contract that says he has to defend the WCW Title every thirty days (hah, Hogan hasn't defended that thing on television in MONTHS. And he don't work house shows.). The 30th day, well, that's next Monday. In Detroit. Nitro is on Monday. Luger's going to face Hogan for the strap. Luger then cuts a fantastic promo on Hogan, before leaving. I'm not kidding, the promo was fantastic.
The second matchup is Prince Iaukea vs. The Ultimate Dragon for the TV Title.
- I'm so damn sick of Iaukea. Dragon got that title by beating Steven Regal on the Nitro last week, which was skipped. There's a few empty seats visible on camera that are bothering me. I don't know why, they just are. Sloppy, sloppy match. DRAGON SLEEPER gives (guess who) the submission victory at 4:47. *1/4.
Mean Gene is with Ric Flair, who says that Hennig is one of the four. That brings him out, to express that he's a free agent. Mongo and Benoit come out, Mongo talks for a bit, and then a tag match where Mongo and Benoit face two jobbers gets cut out.
Alex Wright is facing Chris Jericho for the Cruiserweight Title...
- Jericho slaps Wright, and we begin. A "faggot" chant rings out, obviously directed at Wright. Well I'll be damned, this taking place in West Virginia and all. Wright gives Jericho a back elbow, then a german suplex, to WIN the Cruiserweight belt at 6:26. OMG NEW CHAMP. Not really surprised about it, the guy was getting a big push. A big for WCW push, if you will.
Gene is now with Dean Malenko, and suddenly, Jeff Jarrett decides to join him. Jarrett wants Malenko to join up with he and Debra. Malenko reluctantly agrees. Something seems a bit off with that whole thing. Maybe because Dean doesn't talk.
Hour #2, and we begin with Syxx taking on Diamond Dallas Page.
- Sounds pretty good to me. After a broncobuster, we get a lot of the usual NWO shenanigans. But for one thing. After Vincent runs out, he gets punched in the mouth, so nothing happens there. Syxx tries the BUZZKILLER, but Page rams him into the corner, and gives him a DIAMOND CUTTER. Then Curt Hennig runs through the crowd, hits Page with an international object, which allows Syxx to pick up the pinfall at 3:33. **. No wonder they showed a clip of Hennig hitting Nick Bockwinkel with brass knuckles and winning the AWA Title prior to this show. Makes sense now.
Hector Guerrero vs. Dean Malenko is up next.
- Glad to see this, but the crowd is really, you know, not. Jarrett and Debra make their way to the ring, which doesn't have anything to do with the actual match. After Dean makes Hector submit to the TEXAS CLOVERLEAF at 4:33 (*1/2), Chavo Guerrero comes out, to check on his uncle. Malenko stomps on Chavo, before leaving. Hmm....
Konnan is with Mean Gene, and Konnan's got a lot to say. He talks about Rey being a bitch (not in those words), saying things like Rey ain't for the raza and shit like that. He's going to take down all the luchadors, starting tonight, with La Parka.
On the Road in Detroit, and then, we've got THE GIANT facing The Great Muta.
- Talk about strange matchups. Anyway, Savage is in the crowd, talking about his match with Giant at Road Wild. That card is really, really stacked. Giant and Savage do a little promo battle thing, before the bell rings, to begin the match. Now wait, we've got more stuff. Eric Bischoff comes out, and kicks Tenay and Heenan out of the commentary area. But Tony can stay.
- Muta gets caught in a chokehold, and tries to mist Giant. But it gets blocked. CHOKESLAM, pinfall at 5:59. 1/2* for a super slow match. Giant grabbed a microphone, but Larry Zbyszko (I'm going to call him Larry Z from now on) comes out, infuriated that Bischoff has sent his broadcast partners away. So he's going to take Bischoff to the ring, the hard way. Big time Larry chant, as he puts Bisch in the ring for Giant to CHOKESLAM. YES! Crowd loved it.
Konnan vs. LA PARKA...
- La Parka's mask may fall off! Well, it nearly did. La Parka grabbed a chair which had Konnan's name on it (hah), but Konnan kicked the chair into his face. TEQUILA SUNRISE, submission win for the newest NWO member at 1:45. Here comes Psychosis, to keep Konnan from beating up La Parka. He didn't do anything, just stood there. *.
We're on the phone with JJ Dillon, who confirms that Hogan will face Luger next week. Good. They also want Sting back in the ring by September. Drawing it out...
The main event is Randy Savage w/Elizabeth vs. Scott Steiner w/Rick Steiner.
- This would've been some match back in, say, 1992. Or even in 1993, when both were in the WWF. The match is quite strange. We've got Savage acting like a lunatic, trying to brawl into the crowd and stuff like that. Sorta jumbled. After the commercial
- Things go back to normal. Steiner gives Savage many suplexes, and then, Liz decides to distract the referee, as the Outsiders come to the ring and attack Rick Steiner. Now Scott attacks the Outsiders, and everyone brawls, at 8:46 (shown). **. Two flying elbows are given to Scott, which brings the GIANT out. The NWO bails out of the ring, and Giant grabs a microphone. He wants Nash RIGHT NOW. Nash said that he doesn't feel like fighting through security, but they part the Red Sea, allowing Nash to go back to the ring. He wraps his belt around his fist and is about to jump into the ring, but WE'RE OUT OF TIME! Them cutting away during the middle of a hot angle is beginning to bother me.
The show was good. Liked the angles. Nice to see a title change, and it was nice to see some big(ish) matchups. Best segment was Luger's promo on Hogan, and the worst was Iaukea vs. Dragon. These shows are really making me want to watch Road Wild, so they're definitely doing what they're supposed to.
RAW is from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Good location for a hard sell show. We flashback to last week, and for once, I'll run down the goings-on. There was a six-man flag match, featuring STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD, Dude Love, and the Undertaker, who were facing Bret Hart, Davey Boy Smith, and Owen Hart. The Hart Foundation won. Not only that, but Shawn Michaels was announced as being the special referee for the main event at SummerSlam.
We begin the show, with the Hart Foundation making their way to the ring. Bret's not going to be suspended for attacking Vince McMahon last week, because they want their big main event to go off without a hitch. Makin' the fans happy, if you weel. Apparently we're going to have a new commissioner next week...as is said during Bret's typical anti-America promo. He's really mad at Shawn Michaels, because he insulted Bret's country. You don't badmouth Canada. He challenges the Patriot to a match later, and that's it!
After running down tonights card, we move to Savio Vega and Miguel Perez w/the rest of Los Boricuas vs. the Legion of Doom.
- Not really a whole lot to say. How about, both of these teams are not my favorite when it comes to rating tag teams of 1997. LOD tries the DOOMSDAY DEVICE on Miguel, but the Boricuas run in, getting their guys DQ'd at 3:01. The Godwinns run down, and help the Boricuas beat up LOD. No surprise. *.
HHH and Chyna speak about Mankind, and the steel cage match between Mankind and HHH at SummerSlam. Vader's in need of Jenny Craig, too. Guess what? Our next match is Vader vs. HHH!
- Mankind appears from under the ring, in a cameraman's outfit. He hits HHH with a television camera, so we've got no match. Chyna tackles Mankind, and beats him up for a bit, before Mankind can fight them both off. They fight into the crowd, and yeah.
The Truth Commission's leader comments on a few things...then we see that Michael Moorer's at ringside. He beat up on Evander Holyfield. I don't really like him.
After a Brakus promo (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA).....
We go to our next match, Jesse Jammes, Bob Holly, and Flash Funk vs. The Truth Commission w/Commandant.
- Commandant (their leader) is an actor, so he won't get involved in the matches. Had to get that out there. Kurrgan is a funny guy. Oh wait, I mean the INTERROGATOR. Gorilla Monsoon was down for a bit to talk about the commissioner spot, as Kurrgan finished Holly with a sideslam for the victory at 3:22. 1/2*.
- I feel like ignoring the SummerSlam million dollar contest stuff, so I will.
After a video about the Patriot, he cuts a promo in which he accepts Bret Hart's challenge.
Now, we've got Faarooq w/the Nation (including Ahmed Johnson) taking on Crush w/Disciples of Apocalypse.
- Punch, kick, choke affair. Basically everything I hate. Gang fight tears this shit apart at 3:14. 1/4*. Los Boricuas come down,. and powerbomb Crush on the ramp. Ouch.
Now to the Warzone, and we've got a big tag team match. The Godwinns are facing Steve Austin and Dude Love for the WWF Tag Team Titles.
- Owen and Bulldog are sitting at ringside for commentary, btw. They trash their opponents, and Bulldog challenges Ken Shamrock to an armwrestling match for later on.
- Austin makes the hot tag, house of fire. Stun one, not the other, get tossed out of the ring. Owen hits Austin with the Intercontinental Title, which gets Austin counted out at 4:40. *1/2. Now everyone decides to beat up the champions. LOD comes down to the ring, to chase the Godwinns away, and Hawk gives Dude Love a high five, as Austin's telling the viewers at home that Owen's going to get his ass whipped at SummerSlam.
Ace Darling vs. Devon Storm is our Light Heavyweight contest...
- Storm wins with a forward roll off a Darling hurricanrana at 45 seconds. 1/2*.
Here we go, the armwrestling contest with Bulldog and Shamrock. Very typical, face comeback and then Bulldog headbutts him. Bulldog then hits Shamrock with a chair a whole bunch, before opening a can of dog food and smearing it all over Shamrock's face. Ugh.
Goldust w/Marlena is going to face Rockabilly w/Honky Tonk Man.
- Goldust has a mic, and says that Brian Pillman will definitely be wearing a dress come next Monday. I agree!
- I can't wait for Rockabilly to become a New Age Outlaw. At least he'll be entertaining. Billy slaps Michael Moorer, so Moorer knocks him out. HA! Pillman attacks Goldust for the DQ at 1:15, DUD. Marlena jumps on Pillman's back, which eventually gets him to leave. Good. Pillman tells the crowd to fuck off, and we're done there.
We see a video hyping our SummerSlam main event, which features comments from multiple people. After that, Vince brings Shawn Michaels to the ring. Bret wants him to apologize for insulting his country, but Michaels absolutely will not. What he will do, is commentate this next match.
Our main event is Bret Hart vs. The Patriot.
- Bret's really mad about Shawn not apologizing. So, as a result, we'll get to hear Oh Canada! Once that's over, Kurt Angle The Patriot comes to the ring, and wants the Star Spangled Banner played. Good on him! But, Bret attacks him in the middle of it. I saw that one coming. Now the crowd's on fire.
- The show ran long, but there's a commercial. Like, really long. The Patriot wears the mask to embody the spirit of our country or something like that. Yeah, something. Shawn keeps Bret from making the cover, so as Bret's yelling at Shawn, Patriot rolls Bret up for three at 6:38 (shown). Talk about a surprise, **. Is Shawn really an unbiased official? The commentators sold that action of Shawn's like, "uh, what." Bret and Shawn argue, until the Undertaker comes out. So the show is over.
Show was good, but still not better than Nitro. Bischoff being chokeslammed by the Giant is what put Nitro over the top. Best segment here was Patriot getting the surprise win over Shawn, and the worst was the Truth Commission garbage.
I'm going to review Slamboree 2000 next. Usually I don't review the PYBO's before the regularly posted show, but I can't resist. WCW 2000 BABY!
Been interested in this one...I don't know, I suppose Raven vs. Stevie Richards appeals to me.
Tony, Bobby, and Dusty are our commentators. They run down the card, and then, our first match is Mongo McMichael vs. Jeff Jarrett w/Queen Debra, for the United States Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: Jarrett's a hometown guy, you know. Jarrett slams Mongo at the start and struts, prior to ramming Mongo's head into the turnbuckle pad. He then takes Mongo down from behind, and follows it up with a chopblock, Mongo style, out of the three point stance. Jarrett rams Mongo into the buckle again, but Mongo comes out of there with a clothesline, before the commercial.
We're back, and Jarrett has rammed Mongo into the steel steps, twice. Back in, and Jarrett jumps on Mongo's back, as Mongo's throat is draped along the second rope. Jarrett gives Mongo a suplex and goes to the sleeper, but Mongo breaks the hold and gives him a sleeper of his own. Debra gets on the ring apron to distract, whoa, wait a minute. It's Eddie Guerrero! He gets up on the top rope with the US Title, comes down and...hits Jeff Jarrett on accident. Mongo covers Jarrett at 5:53, and we've got a new United States Champion.
Match Analysis: Nothing special, and with Mongo, the shorter the better. I don't think he should've been given the US Belt, but he was super over. I guess they had to do something with the guy. *.
Mean Gene is with Alex Wright, who's going to take on Ultimo Dragon for Dragon's Television Title later on. He talks in German a bit, then calls the title his.
After, Gene is with the guys from Dinner and a Movie, which airs on TBS. Seriously.
We now move forward to Stevie Richards vs. Raven, which is also Raven's debut match in WCW.
Blow-by-Blow: Raven enters from the crowd, and takes the microphone. He wants no disqualifications in this match, and the referee says, sure. At the start, Raven rams Stevie into the buckle, before sending him outside. Raven flies out with a pescado, and after bringing Stevie back in, Stevie comes back with a backslide for one. Raven puts Stevie on the apron and knocks him to the floor, then flies off the apron with two elbowdrops. Back in, Raven's got a chair, and he drop-toe holds Stevie into it. A bulldog into the chair follows, but when Raven sets the chair up in the corner, Stevie's the one who tosses his opponent into it. A sidewalk slam is delivered to Raven for 2, so Richards prepares for the Steviekick. That doesn't happen, but he still rolls Raven up for a two count. Raven responds with a clothesline for two, gutshot, EVENFLOW DDT, for the pinfall victory at 5:03.
Match Analysis: This wasn't the best match, but it was a good way to introduce Raven. Quite convincingly, I should add. I'll give this one my favorite rating, that being *1/2. I like how this show is a progression of storylines that are currently on the Nitros that WWE 24/7 is airing.
Alex Wright is now facing the Ultimo Dragon for the Television Title.
Blow-by-Blow: Wright gives Dragon a hiptoss to start, and a snapmare too, but Dragon applies a wristlock. Wright reverses into a hammerlock, but Dragon takes him to the canvas and applies an armbar. Wright pokes him in the eye to break the hold, but his shoulderblock can't knock Dragon to the canvas. Dragon's shoulderblock does though, and he follows it up with a dropkick. After Dragon's multi-kick combo, he goes to the chinlock. When Wright gets up, he gives Dragon a powerbomb, and a backbreaker, for a 2 count. Another backbreaker only gets two, and so does a gutwrench suplex. Now to the
commercial. I've gotta mention, from the beginning to the commercial is some of the most fluid wrestling I've seen. Smooth.
and we're back, with Dragon tied up in a chinlock. Wright gives Dragon a clothesline, and a scoop slam, before heading up top. He comes down with a stomp on Dragon's head, then dances. Now back to the chinlock, and when Dragon breaks free, he gives Wright a sleeper. Wright reverses, so Dragon gives him a back suplex. They now trade chops, until Wright gives Dragon a European uppercut, ending that flurry. After a Wright back suplex, Dragon responds with a springboard dropkick, bringing the house down. Ok, not really. Dragon misses a pescado as Wright's on the outside, so Wright decides to stomp on him. He tries to whip Dragon into the railing, but Dragon reverses and does that to Wright instead. Dragon follows that up with an asai moonsault, and brings Wright in the hard way, with a front suplex off the top rope. Dragon tries LA MAGISTRAL, but that only gets a two count. A handspring back elbow from Dragon misses, but Wright's pin with his feet on the ropes only gets two. Damn. Wright reverses an attempt at a DRAGON SUPLEX into a rollup, which Dragon reverses for 2. Now they get up as Wright has Dragon's back, and Wright gives Dragon a GERMAN SUPLEX for the victory at 10:54. We've got a new TV Champion! And he's German!
Match Analysis: Awesome match, but the TV Title time limit and the commercial kinda killed the likelihood of going ****. Must watch. I gave it ***1/2. Commercials hurt a match, especially when it's going as well as this one was.
Now, we've got Eddie Guerrero challenging Chris Jericho for the WCW Cruiserweight Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: Eddie Guerrero's music hasn't changed yet. Boo. To start, Jericho gives Eddie a few armdrags, and then a dropkick. Eddie tells the referee that his hair was pulled, and shows the referee exactly how it was done. Jericho gives Eddie a press slam and a flapjack, which causes Eddie to duck out of the ring. Eddie comes right back in with a sneak attack, and a big flying back elbow. Eddie gives Jericho a hilo, and a hurricanrana off the top rope for 2. Eddie then tries a hurricanrana in which he grabs Jericho's hand, leaps onto the top rope and springboards off with a rana, but Jericho catches him and powerbombs him. After a Jericho GIANT SWING(!), he gives Eddie a spinning heel kick. He botches a springboard plancha though, landing on his face outside. HA! Instead of sulking and doing nothing, Jericho runs right over and suplexes Eddie to the floor from the apron. A very good spot to replace that botch, IMO. Eddie brings Jericho in after a few punches and gives him my favorite move, a superplex, for a two count. Jericho tries a powerbomb, but can't get it...so after a reversal sequence, Jericho gives Eddie a release German suplex, which puts Eddie on his head. For real. But, the cover only gets two. Eddie gives Jericho a springboard sunset flip, which only gets two. We go into an UGLY pinfall rollup reversal sequence, and Jericho picks up the win at 6:40. After the match, Eddie dropkicks Jericho, in anger. A brainbuster and a FROG SPLASH follow, as Eddie leaves Jericho in the dust. I guess that's a good phrase to use.
Match Analysis: A disappointing effort. I mean, there were great things about it. Like the post-match beatdown. I mean, Eddie's character at that time is one of the best I've ever seen. Dead serious. Only ** for the match...if you had just watched this and none of their prior or later work, it would be hard to say, oh, they had a match that neared **** just a month later. You wouldn't believe it.
Part #2 begins, with a big lucha libre tag match. We've got Lizmark Jr., Super Calo, Juventud Guerrera, and Hector Garza facing Psychosis, Silver King, Villano IV, and Villano V w/Sonny Onoo.
Blow-by-Blow: IV and Calo will start things off, and Calo takes IV to the canvas with an armdrag. They go into a reversal sequence, and afterward, Calo gives IV an armdrag and a flying headscissors. Calo gives Silver King a dropkick, and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to IV, which gets a two count. Garza comes right in, and misses a charge to the corner. Silver King also misses a charge to the corner, but he gives Garza a hiptoss and shoulderblock. Garza responds with an armdrag and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, before clotheslining King over the top. Juvi and Psychosis come in, and the latter of the two gives the other a superkick. Psychosis tosses him out, so Garza and IV come in. IV and Silver King monkey flip Garza and Lizmark Jr. to the outside, and here comes the crazy shit, as the heels get tossed out too. Calo flies out with a tope con hilo onto Silver King and Villano IV. Lizmark does the same, but with a regular tope...Juvi leaps off of Garza's back to the outside, landing on everyone...Villano V flies out with another tope...and Garza ends the sequence with a SICK CORKSCREW PLANCHA. Onoo grabs Calo's leg with he and Psychosis back in the ring, knocking Calo to the canvas. Psychosis comes off the top with a GUILLOTINE LEGDROP, which finishes Calo via pinfall at 4:52.
Match Analysis: Typical lucha spotfest. I like them. You know, the sequence where everyone decides to dive on one another is one of my favorites. Required viewing. **3/4, for a pretty good little match. You take what you can get.
Mean Gene is with the guys from Dinner and a Movie, who are naming their culinary creations. Macho Mayo...Macho Nacho...NWOkra....oh, that explains it all. These cooks are NWO 4 LIFE! What in the hell did I just say. Or, rather, what in the hell is this. The cooks tear their shirts off to reveal an NWO one, which brings Randy Savage out. You see, this is the NWO's birthday party. Now we go to a commercial.
We're back, and DDP is destroying all of this cooking utensils. He gives one of those dudes a DIAMOND CUTTER, and leaves. What a tough guy.
On the road, then Konnan and Syxx are taking on Ric Flair and Curt Hennig.
Blow-by-Blow: Gee, who's going over here? Hennig's being recruited by the Four Horsemen, if you didn't know. Hennig spits his gum at Konnan, and we're underway. Konnan puts Hennig in a headlock, but Hennig drop-toe holds his way out of it. Konnan pulls on Hennig's hair, which allows him to bring in his partner. Hennig tags out as well, so Syxx gives Flair a shoulderblock. Syxx gives Flair a backdrop, but Flair comes right back with a few chops and a kneedrop for two. After a Flair backdrop, Hennig comes in and gives Syxx a kneelift, knocking Syxx over to his corner, allowing him to tag in Konnan. They both collide after a few punches, and Syxx makes the tag. Flair chops away at Konnan, who misses a dropkick. Syxx clips Flair in the knee on accident, because Hennig pushed him into Flair, inadvertently, of course. Hennig gives Konnan the HENNIG-PLEX, which picks up the pinfall victory at 5:10. After the match, Mean Gene is with Hennig, to ask him whether or not he's decided to be a Horseman. Hennig just says, no. Gene asks him what his decision is, and Hennig says, no. What an ambiguous answer.
Match Analysis: Basic, formula Nitro match. Seeing as this Clash is nothing more than a glorified Nitro, I can't say that there's anything wrong with that. *3/4.
Here's our main event. Diamond Dallas Page and Lex Luger are facing Randy Savage and Scott Hall, who are accompanied by the entirety of the NWO. Before the match, Kevin Nash grabs a microphone, and well, he's going to allow Savage to defend his portion of the tag team titles. Now we've got a REAL main event, as this is for the WCW Tag Team Titles.
Blow-by-Blow: Only Nash was allowed to stay at ringside. How unfortunate. Hall and Page were going to start things off, but Hall wants Luger instead. So, we begin. Luger pushes Hall to the canvas and poses, pretty much as you'd figure. Hall pulls Luger to the outside for a bit, so Savage can give Luger a double axhandle when he comes back in. Savage misses an elbowdrop, so DDP tags in and hits everyone, ending his run of big hits with a clothesline. Savage comes back with a clothesline of his own, and a boot choke, before tagging in Hall. Hall gives Page a fallaway slam for a two count, before Savage tags in and rams Page into the buckle. Both work on Page in the corner, before Savage gives Page an elbowdrop for 2. Savage and Hall stomp on Page outside of the ring, which Savage follows it up with a double axhandle off the ring apron. Hall's in the ring, and applies an STF type hold. Page gives him a clothesline, and finally makes the hot tag to Luger. Luger cleans house, gives Hall an inverted atomic drop, and clotheslines both. He tosses Savage over the top, and puts Hall in THE RACK! Savage comes in, pokes Page in the eye, so Hall rams Luger into Page. You see, Page's eye was hurt, so he didn't see that it was Luger. He turns around, Luger's standing there, and he gives Luger the DIAMOND CUTTER. After a long delay, Hall pins Luger, for the three count at 9:55.
Match Analysis: I like that the Diamond Cutter was put over so huge. Well, any finisher in which the guy had to lay down for that long afterward is one that is put over huge. I wrote something about remembering something from Flair's book, but I forgot. Maybe it was about how Savage and Hall didn't get along. I don't know. Match was **.
The NWO are staying in the ring, as Eric Bischoff is saying some stuff to the winners. If not for them, these people wouldn't be here. Maybe that's true. The lights flicker for a few moments, and look to the rafters. Hey, there's Sting. A buzzard is up there with him, as his music plays. The lights go out, then back on, and a buzzard is attached to the top rope. What's awful is that you could see the person who attached it walking away from the bird. Brutal. One of the most bizarre show endings I've seen.
Rating: Decent. I would say the show was good for a Clash, but that ending sorta soured me on things, as did the Dinner and a Movie segment. Absolutely retarded.
Best Segment: Definitely Alex Wright's victory over Ultimo Dragon. Fantastic TV match.
Worst Segment: The Sting thing. I don't really follow.
I don't have any reviews to do for a while. That's good! Ok, not really. It just means I'll do something else with my time.
Nitro is from Orlando, Florida. Don't forget, Bash at the Beach was the night before this show. At that show, a man dressed as Sting attacked Lex Luger and The Giant. That man was clearly Kevin Nash. I'll also point out that this show is the debut of the Nitro Girls. Also know that I will never reference their segments again, unless someone's tit pops out, or an angle occurs during said segment.
Anyway, our first match is Alex Wright vs. Prince Iaukea.
- Pre-recorded comments from Wright, basically about how WCW has used his racial background against him.
- After about a minute and a half, THE GIANT makes his way into the ring. He gives the referee a CHOKESLAM, Iaukea a CHOKESLAM, then five or so security guys a CHOKESLAM, but not Wright. Wright left. The Giant wants Kevin Nash, right now. He knows it was Nash who hit him with a baseball bat. That's all.
Next up, Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr..
- Family feud! Yeah, I really love this...everyone who's able to needs to watch this. Chavo went for the frog splash, but he ate Eddie's knees on the way down. Powerbomb and a frog splash gives Eddie the victory at 4:15. **1/2. After the match, Eddie gives Chavo ANOTHER FROG SPLASH, which brings HECTOR Guerrero down to the ring. Eddie pushes him to the canvas and leaves...furthering this dickish heel run. Love it.
Mean Gene is with DDP, who talks about how alike he and Curt Hennig are, and that's why he wanted Hennig to be his tag team partner at Bash at the Beach. They lost to Scott Hall and Randy Savage, btw. After the commercial, Mean Gene calls Harlem Heat out, for an interview. They're going to face the Outsiders later on in a non-title match, and they want to make it a street fight.
We've got Vicious and Delicious facing The Steiner Brothers...
- Yes, this matchup sounds good. At least to me. WCW is in this "we put good matches on TV phase," which I'm in favor of. None of these are money drawing matches, so hey. We cut to the back, as...Konnan has arrived in a limo. YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. There's some evil guys with him too, just guess who.
- Masa Chono and the Great Muta come out after a bunch of Scott Steiner suplexes, getting their fellow NWO members disqualified at 6:46. Aw, darn. Scott and Rick fight them off, because they're fighting for the WCW, guys. **1/4.
Mean Gene's talking about Raven and Stevie Richards, because he talked to them at the PPV last night. Here's Raven again, who says that the only announcement he has, is, well, that there isn't one. Nice. Richards is there too, and Raven abuses him, before the camera cuts away.
Super Calo vs. La Parka is next.
- I believe this is the real La Parka. Regardless, Savage attacks both of these guys, leading to a no contest after 46 seconds. After a bit of beating La Parka up and trying to steal his mask, DDP comes into the ring from out of the crowd. Now into the ring comes Curt Hennig, who decks DDP WITH A TAPED FIST. My brain went dead about them facing each other at Road Wild, so I was genuinely surprised. Yeah, that's a ten year old spoiler. Savage gives Page the FLYING ELBOW, so this battle is one that Savage wins.
Mean Gene is now with Curt Hennig, who says that he is NOTHING like DDP. He says that DDP is the biggest mark in the business. Ouch. Ric Flair comes out, because he wants Hennig to join the Four Horsemen. And party. Hennig's not so sure about the latter, not at all.
Hour #2 begins, with On the Road...
After, the NWO comes to the ring. Nash is in a wheelchair, so we aren't going to get that big tag match with the Outsiders and Harlem Heat later. Boo. He's here to announce that Konnan has joined the New World Order. Well, duh! And Nash's back hurts. That too.
Harlem Heat are now taking on Scott Hall and Syxx, in what really isn't a streetfight.
- The Heat aren't getting a title shot, so they've got nothing to lose. I suppose that's a good thing for them. The match is kinda boring, which is really too bad. I was expecting it not to be. Nash teases being able to stand throughout the match...until he does, and clotheslines Booker when standing on the ring apron, as the referee's dealing with some stuff outside the ring. Scott Hall picks Booker up, OUTSIDERS EDGE, and the pinfall victory for his team at 9:00. *3/4.
Masa Chono and The Great Muta w/Vincent are taking on the Public Enemy.
- Go NWO. I really don't like Public Enemy.
- Someone knocked on the door, so I don't have the time. So you know. Bobby Heenan says that Muta's explosiveness reminds him of Chris Benoit. Insert comment here. The match isn't good, but I should mention that it's not just the PE's fault. After about four or five minutes, Muta MISTS Grunge, and Chono gives Grunge a YAKUZA kick for the pinfall victory. *.
Ric Flair vs. Jeff Jarrett w/Debra is our US Title match on the night...
- Oh darn, Jarrett has a tough title defense. But I'm fine with that! This is one of those matches you could've put on PPV, but why? For a non-finish? Debra begins to cut a promo during the middle of a very good match, until Mongo comes down to the ring. Flair has Jarrett in the FIGURE-FOUR and about to win the title, but Mongo stomps on Jarrett, getting Flair DQ'd at 5:25. Now, Chris Benoit comes to the ring, and they all work over Jarrett. Poor guy. **3/4. Eventually Jarrett gets out of the ring and leaves.
Mean Gene is interviewing Lex Luger. Top babyface, Lex Luger. Don't forget that. He says that Dennis Rodman should stick to basketball, not only that, but he wants to face Hogan for the WCW Title at Road Wild. You know, Hogan hasn't defended that title on PPV since SuperBrawl. That was five months ago! Luger making that challenge brought the NWO out, who decide to surround the ring. Oh, there's another fake Sting, too. Clearly.
OH WHAT THE FUCK. The guy pulled off his costume, and it was the REAL STING. Legit surprise. With Sting and Luger in the ring, that's how we end the show.
Should I have said, that's how we end a great show? Because this show really was great, save the bait and switch thing with the Outsiders and Harlem Heat. Best segment for me was the continuation of Eddie's heel tactics, and the worst was all the Nitro Girl stuff. I like looking at them, but it's a waste of time, honestly.
RAW is from San Antonio, Texas. You know, Shawn Michaels' hometown.
To start the show, The Hart Foundation make their way out, to a chorus of boos. They're basically running down the SummerSlam card, so there's not much to see. That goes on for a bit, until Steve Austin comes out to stand on the entrance ramp. And there's Ken Shamrock! And the Patriot! Psycho Sid! Shawn Michaels! Which one of those is Austin's tag team partner for later on?
The first match up for public consumption is Jerry Lawler and Brian Christopher vs. Scott and Ivan Putski.
- Yes, I just said that Scott Putski was teaming up with his father. Ivan Putski is from San Antonio, so it makes sense. The sons carry the match, thankfully. Ivan makes the hot tag, and gives Lawler the POLISH HAMMER for the pinfall victory at 4:56. *1/2, not really that bad for a match with two old guys involved.
Mankind's in the back, but he's just sitting there. After Paul Bearer cuts a promo on the Undertaker, we have....
Tajiri Yoshihiro vs. Taka Michinoku.
- First, Tajiri is not dressed as you'd picture him. Second, he wrestles a style that was almost a complete surprise to me. I liked it. Even still, it isn't good enough to get the victory. After a fun 4 minutes and ten seconds, a Michinoku Driver gets Taka the win. Match was fun, featured lots of aerial stuff and some Tajiri kicks. **1/2.
Ken Shamrock is in the back, and he says that he isn't Steve Austin's tag team partner. Thank God for that. Los Boricuas arrived in a LOWRIDER, thought I should share. Last, there's a hype video for a SummerSlam highlight show after RAW. Most of the names mentioned in the video package were employed by WCW. I found that sorta odd.
The Headbangers are facing Miguel and Jose of Los Boricuas in the second tag team match of the show.
- Both of these teams suck, and even worse, Miguel of Los Boricuas has disgusting body hair. Ew.
- Miguel rolls Thrasher up at 4:24 for the victory, *. After the match, the rest of Los Boricuas beat the Headbangers up, until the Disciples of Apocalypse come to the ring. Whites vs. Browns!
The Patriot is in the back, and he says that he isn't here to be Austin's tag team partner. He's here to stand up for his country.
Once he's done talking, Vince McMahon calls out Shawn Michaels. Shawn just wants to be a part of SummerSlam. Oh, he'd be a part of it.
We're in the WARZONE, and hey, there's been an accident in the back. That's what Savio Vega says. We now go to the back, and, whoa, there's some motorcycles. One of the Boricuas is smashing the shit out of one, until DOA showed up. DOA kicked their asses, so the Boricuas left in their lowrider. DOA chased them with their motorcycles, and yeah. What a way to start the second hour.
Jim Neidhart vs. Ken Shamrock is next....
- Finish him with an armbar! I don't know why I said that.
- This really, really sucks. I've got no problem giving it a DUD. Shamrock finishes the Anvil with a sleeper at 4:41. Ha, I was pretty close when I said armbar. After the match, the British Bulldog comes to the ring, and with the help of Neidhart, gives Shamrock a spike piledriver. The Patriot then runs down to the ring, and clears house, to save Shamrock.
The SummerSlam contest clue is "life." Yeah.
The next match is the New Blackjacks vs. The Legion of Doom.
- Poor Barry Windham, jobbing all the time. Oh, wait! The Godwinns run down the aisle, to attack LOD. Hawk gets slop dropped on the ramp, causing the back of his head to bleed. Then the Godwinns leave. Unfortunately, the match has been canceled. Oh well.
Flash Funk is taking on Vader, in the match occuring prior to the main event.
- Poor Scorpio, reduced to enhancement talent. This is a big squash at the beginning, but it evens out and becomes competitive midway through. Vader finishes Funk off with a powerbomb, at 4:11. *3/4. After the match, Vader gives Funk a VADERBOMB.
Austin cuts a promo prior to this, in which he says that he doesn't care about any potential partners. He doesn't want one. Of course, now is the time for Owen Hart and The British Bulldog vs. Steve Austin, for the WWF Tag Team Titles.
- Austin runs right in, and attacks his opponents. By himself, hence my only listing him as part of this match. Who's that guy with the quick feet on screen before the commercial?
- Well, Austin can carry a tag match all by himself.....WHOA. Look on the TitanTron. It's some cool cat with shades and a bandana. DUDE LOVE! Dude came down the ramp, only to be attacked by Owen after the initial freakout period for all involved. Finally Love tags in, and applies the MANDIBLE CLAW to Bulldog. Owen flies off the top with a missile dropkick, breaking the hold. Austin runs in as the referee is distracted, STUNNER, and we've got new champions at 7:39. Oh yeah. ***1/2, a lot of that for the surprise. I love surprises. Love gives Austin his belt, as a present, I guess. Here come some women, cause Love is a P-I-M-P. Austin gives Love back his tag belt, shakes his hand, and leaves. Love dances, to end the show.
Rating is good, best segment was definitely the main event, and the worst was Shamrock vs. Neidhart. This was not better than Nitro.
Clash XXXV is next.
Going to be a lot of hindsight thinking in this review...
First match up on this is Ric Flair vs. MVP.
Blow-by-Blow: Flair's last MSG performance...he gets on the mic, thanks the fans, and MVP interrupts. Here we go. MVP takes Flair to the canvas, cause he's BALLIN! Ok, now Flair applies a hammerlock, before giving MVP a shoulderblock. Flair tries that again, and MVP drop-toe holds him down to the canvas. A big boot and neckbreaker get a one count for MVP, so MVP goes to the chinlock, while having the arm barred. MVP misses a charge to the corner, so Flair tries a FIGURE-FOUR...but he can't get it applied. Instead, he gives MVP an atomic drop, but MVP cradles him for 2 on the next attempted move. MVP gives Flair a backdrop, and a running big boot for a 2 count. The two count was because Flair's foot on the ropes. Had the referee not noticed, Flair would've been forced to retire. An MVP clothesline gets a two count, and so does a double underhook suplex. Now MVP places Flair up top for a superplex, but it only gets a 2 count. Double collision now, and once Flair gets up, we get two counts from a small package and a backslide. MVP tries the PLAYMAKER after a knee to the face, but Flair reverses, FIGURE-FOUR, MVP taps out at 7:49. And Flair kisses MSG goodbye...
Match Analysis: Not visually pleasing, to say the least. It really sucked. Saddening to see one of my favorites performing so poorly, but hey, that's life. I'll give it *1/4, and when I watched this one live, first thing I thought was wow, it's probably a good thing that Flair's career is going to end.
Mike Adamle talks for a bit, and then, we have the hype video for Chris Jericho vs. JBL. Which is now.
Blow-by-Blow: The referee won't let them fight at the start, but that ends when JBL hits Jericho in the back with some clubbing blows. Jericho jumps on top of JBL and punches away, but JBL tosses him out. Jericho comes right back in and goes for the WALLS OF JERICHO, but JBL reaches the ropes. After Jericho gives JBL a baseball slide and rams him into the retaining wall, he rams JBL into the steps. Back in, and JBL gives Jericho a hotshot, so he can regain control. After a lariat, JBL takes Jericho to the ropes to choke him, at least until applying a sleeper. A JBL big boot follows, then he rams Jericho shoulder-first into the ringpost. Well, Jericho's bleeding now. Bradshaw kicks away as Jericho's gushing, but Jericho responds with a clothesline. The botched lionsault is cut out, so we see the LIONSAULT that landed, to a mock cheer. Um...now the fans that haven't seen the show before don't know what that's all about. Which is dumb. Anyway, Jericho clotheslines JBL over the top, and hits him with a steel chair for the disqualification at 9:19. Jericho now has a cord, which he uses to hang JBL with, much like JBL did to him on RAW. Which was great.
Match Analysis: A new side of Jericho was shown in this match, but they went right back to the old one soon after. I'm not really a fan of that decision, because I'm very much in favor of character depth. Who's not? Match was **...not really done at the best time, and not done right in the first place. Had they done this at a non-Rumble show, there definitely would've been more time.
Ashley knocks on Maria's door in a little time waster segment, and hey, SANTINO MARELLA opens it. YES! He says Maria's not interested in Ashley's boobie magazine. The end.
After a hype video, we now have Rey Mysterio vs. Edge w/Vickie Guerrero and his team of buddies for the World Heavyweight Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: I found it funny to see Rey get booed. I've got a feeling that I wasn't the only one who felt that way. Anyway, Rey gives Edge a hurricanrana at the start, and a dropkick, which gets a one count. Edge chokes Rey at the ropes and tosses him out...so his lackeys make their way over to beat on Mysterio. BUT, the referee tosses them out of the building, so that's not going to happen. Rey comes in with a flying headscissors to take Edge out of the ring, and a PESCADO. Back in now, with a Rey seated senton for a 2 count. Rey springs onto the second rope, but Edge kicks him in the knee, knocking him to the canvas. Edge applies a half-crab on the knee, before giving Rey a powerslam for a two count. Back to the leg, but Rey builds up some momentum and gives Edge a bulldog for two. Before Rey's attack, there was a lengthy dead period in the match. Just saying. After Edge misses a charge at Rey, Rey responds with a seated senton, which gets a two count. Rey comes off the top with a double stomp(!), but it only gets a two count. Rey rana's Edge to the floor now, and follows that with a DDT, which gets a two count when they get back in the ring. Edge responds with a big boot, but he misses a SPEAR. Rey puts Edge's face on the second rope, dial it up, 619, but a splash from up top does not get the victory, because Vickie Guerrero grabbed the official. Hey, she's the GM. She can do that if she wants. Rey tries to give Edge another 619, but Vickie jumps onto the apron and takes the hit, so now when Rey springboards in, Edge is ready to finish. SPEAR on the springboard, and Edge retains via pinfall at 12:34. Poor Vickie has to be wheeled out in her wheelchair...she's hurt, you see.
Match Analysis: Would've been very good if not for the dead period in the middle of the match, but hey, there was a dead period, so that's how I have to judge it. I know that in the past both could've had a great match against one another, but I don't know if Rey is capable of those things anymore. This was just average, but the finishing sequence was really fun. **1/2.
We go to the lockerroom now, as Ric Flair's coming out of the shower. Thankfully, wearing a towel. Anyway, Mr. Kennedy's in the room, and he says that he wants to retire Flair. Here's HBK, planting seeds asnd all that. He and Flair say that Kennedy ain't goin' anywhere with that gimmick. Now, here's Batista. Like I said, planting seeds. There's HHH too! HBK wants those two to settle down, because the guy that's going to win the Royal Rumble is the one currently wearing the HBK shirt that you can find on WWE.Com. Hey!
We've got one more segment before our big match though, which is Maria's KISS CAM. YAY! Yeah, we see people kissing and all that, until Ashley comes out. She wants to talk about Playboy, which naturally brings out Santino Marella. He runs down New York City quite well, and then brings his special guest into the ring. That fat dude who dances while wearing a speedo. Ugh.
WrestleMania XXIV promo, and then, Mike Adamle calls Jeff Hardy "Jeff Harvey." Unfortunately, that moment has been edited out.
Now, it's time for the match that was, well, as big a draw as a singles match at the Rumble could possibly be. And that is Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: After the lock-up, Jeff takes Orton down with a shoulderblock, and then with a headlock. An inverted atomic drop followed by a legdrop to the nuts gets a two count for Jeff, but Orton gains some semblance of control by ramming Jeff into the buckle. Unfortunately, Jeff comes right back by clotheslining Orton over the top rope, and then baseball sliding him hard into the retaining wall at ringside. We call that a concussion. Anyway, Jeff follows Orton to the floor with a pescado, which causes Orton to rethink his gameplan. He'll just leave. He takes his belt and begins to walk away, but Hardy stops him and rams his face into the announce table. Orton gets tossed back in, but on Jeff's springboard attempt, Jeff gets dropkicked by Orton, which knocks him down to the floor. Orton suplexes Jeff on the outside, then in we go, for a two count. Orton's kneedrops also get a two count, and after both men trade blows, Jeff sends Orton to the outside. Jeff clotheslines Orton from the apron, but the eventual cover only gets a two count. Jeff misses a charge to the corner on the inside, but that only gets a two count for Orton. Now, we go to the chinlock. Of course, Orton's the one applying it. An Orton powerslam gets a two count, then back to the chinlock we go. Now we head towards the end, but we're not at the end, as Jeff is doing the usual offense that occurs when a guy gets out of a chinlock. Clotheslines and back elbows, but then a WHISPER IN THE WIND, which only gets 2. An enziguri is delivered to the head of Orton, and then, Jeff goes up top. Nope to the SWANTON, instead, Jeff missile dropkicks Orton, who's standing on the ring apron. That knocks him to the floor. A moonsault by Jeff to Orton on the floor barely even hits Orton, and now, both men go into the ring, slowly. Jeff tries the TWIST OF FATE, BAM, RKO instead, Orton with the pinfall victory at 14:06. Courtesy applause for Jeff...yeah yeah yeah.
Match Analysis: Finish wasn't the best...like I said before, I hate out of nowhere finishes. The rest of the match was average, definitely nothing you'd expect from main event level guys. Quite clearly, it was best that Jeff didn't go over. Smart thinking from WWE on that issue. **1/2.
It is now time for the ROYAL RUMBLE!
Blow-by-Blow: Yeah, it was pretty cool that Michael Buffer intro'd the thing, but I've seen him in person. No big deal. #1 is...THE UNDERTAKER. Big surprise, when watching it live. And #2 is SHAWN MICHAELS. YES! Shawn bumping around for Taker is always fun, and this doesn't disappoint. #3 is Santino Marella! He does some funny stuff, and after being kicked in the mouth, the Undertaker tosses him over the top and to the floor at 2:05. #4 is the Great Khali, who comes into the ring, only to be taunted with chants of "YOU CAN'T WRESTLE" from the MSG faithful. Thankfully, Taker gets rid of him too, at 4:43. #5 is Hardcore Holly, who proceeds to break Shawn Michaels nose. In return, Taker beats him up for ten minutes or so. I thought that was funny when watching it live...thinking that it couldn't possibly be a coincidence that Taker was so involved with someone so low on the card for so long. Also, Bob Holly's been in the WWE for fourteen years. Think about that for a second. Or not. Anyway, #6 is John Morrison. It sucked how the rest of the announcers cut Joey Styles off during the story he was going to tell about Morrison...really sucked. Anyway, Tommy Dreamer is #7, and some people mark out. But not me. #8 is Batista, who throws Dreamer out at 10:10. Well that didn't last long. #9 is Hornswoggle, who hides under the ring. He doesn't want any of that. Our #10 entrant Chuck Palumbo comes out, and does nothing, until Jamie Noble comes in at #11. Chuck kicks Noble out at 14:52, causing Noble to need help in order to get to the back. #12 is CM Punk, who knees Chuck out at 16:34. Thankfully. At #13 we have Cody Rhodes, and at #14, it's UMAGA. He SAMOAN SPIKES Holly out of the ring at 18:52, and then, our number 15 entrant, Snitsky, makes his way to the ring. #16 is the Miz and #17 is Shelton Benjamin, as clearly, there was a bit of a dead period. But at the same time, the intervals are only a bit longer than a minute, so I couldn't write down much in such a short time. Of course, when Shelton entered, he did some cool shit. Like leaping onto the top rope and dropping two opponents throat first onto said top rope. Why in the world doesn't WWE give this guy a push? Shawn superkicks him, which puts Shelton out at 23:07. Now, we've got our first surprise entrant. JIMMY SNUKA, #18! I marked like crazy. After Snuka hits everyone, #19 comes out. And that's ROWDY RODDY PIPER. Then I marked even more crazy! A Rumble moment to last for a long time occurs, as Piper and Snuka fight while the whole ring watches. Awesome. Now, #20 is Kane, who dumps both Snuka and Piper to the floor at 27:00. Aw. #21 is Carlito, who spits in the face of Cody Rhodes. Clearly he is not cool. #22 is Mick Foley, who, honestly, doesn't do a whole lot of anything when first entering the ring. But he does in a bit, something that most will like/liked. #23 is Kennedy, who gets chokeslammed, and as Big Daddy V enters at #24, we get a bunch of eliminations, starting at 32:21. Taker clotheslines Snitsky out, Michaels superkicks Taker out, and Kennedy bundles Michaels over the top. Whew. That was a tough sequence to recap. Taker puts Snitsky through the table with a legdrop, which also happened to make me laugh. Oh, you. #25 is Mark Henry, and shortly after his entrance, Hornswoggle comes out from under the ring and pulls The Miz over the top and to the floor at 34:39. #26 is Chavo Guerrero, showing how little the ECW Title means. I hated this. After Kane gives Morrison a big boot to knock him out at 36:06, and then, Mark Henry pulls Hornswoggle into the ring. That brings Finlay out (before it was time for him to enter), to hit everyone with a shillelagh. Unforunately, he's been disqualified for entering early, and I suppose Hornswoggle is disqualified for being the beneficiary of his interference, at 38:00. #28 is Elijah Burke, who has seemingly disappeared after this appearance. Odd. Anyway, Chavo suplexes Punk over the top and out at 39:20, before HHH enters at #29. He gets rid of Cody Rhodes at 40:16, Big Daddy V at 40:33, and then, he fights with Mick Foley. Hell yes to that, duh. HHH then tosses Foley into Burke, which eliminates the both of them at 40:58. Boo. Down to the last entrant, who is.....JOHN CENA. I'm not gonna lie, I flipped when watching this live. Carlito gets tossed out at 43:19, Chavo Guerrero goes out at 43:22, and Mark Henry goes out at 43:26, to much cheer. The big two square off, that being Cena and HHH. BUT, we've still got a few guys left, don't we? Batista clotheslines Kennedy and UMAGA over the top, eliminating him at 44:28 and 44:41, respectively. We're down to four, those four being Kane, HHH, Batista, and John Cena. Guess who goes out first. 44:53 was the time of that. Now that we've got HHH, Batista and John Cena in the ring together, yeah, that's WWE's biggest possible match. Don't be fooled into thinking otherwise. They all taunt each other, until they fight and HHH clotheslines Batista out at 47:18. Down to two, and the crowd is decidedly split. Boo, yeah, boo, yeah (HHH being cheered, Cena being booed)...but Cena gets the better of it. After the FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE, we get some finisher reversal, which ends in a double clothesline, knocking both men out. Not out of the ring, though. HHH gives Cena a DDT after another failed F-U try, then tries to slam Cena out and to the floor. Nope, Cena slips off HHH's shoulder, and F-U's him to the floor, to win the Rumble and go to WrestleMania No Way Out, for his title shot at the champion. Match ended at 51:30.
Match Analysis: As I've said before, surprises are a huge part of what makes a great Royal Rumble. I'll give this one ****, as really, there weren't dead periods with nothing going on, seeing as guys were constantly entering. And I'll give WWE credit for deviating from the norm. It's not usual to see so many top level guys enter early. A show saving match.
Rating: Decent. I can't in good conscience give this a good rating, but at the same time, I'll say that I was definitely happy to have ordered it, and I know that I'm going against things I've said in the past. You know, when I say things like, if I would've paid full price for the show, it's a good one? Well, I didn't pay full price for this, I paid half. So nyah.
Best Segment: The Royal Rumble. Usually is.
Worst Segment: Maria's Kiss Cam. I really hate when that fat dude comes into the ring and dances. Just, ugh.
I'll get the RAW and Nitro review from 7/14/97 up ASAP. Then Clash of the Champions XXXV, but I'm not going to review the Rey Mysterio DVD. Too much content that could be included in potential reviews, and I don't really like reviewing things like that.
First up, we have the WWF from Los Angeles, CA; a house show that took place on 8/13/1988.
Gorilla Monsoon and Superstar Billy Graham are on commentary, FWIW. Anyway, the first match is Sam Houston vs. Black Jack.
- I don't know who Black Jack is, and there are so many people that share a variation of the name that it's quite hard to search. Yeah, Jack is wearing a mask, if you couldn't tell from my comments.
- Houston bulldog, pinfall victory at 5:48. Finish came out of nowhere, but in this case, that's good. The less Sam Houston, the better. *.
Next up is Barry Horowitz vs. The Blue Angel.
- Guess who the Blue Angel is. Well, I'll just tell you, it's Owen Hart. Obviously, Owen is awesome. That word also describes this match.
- An Owen moonsault finishes the match after 14:35 of great, fast-paced action. ***1/2, and a bout that should definitely have been shown on television at some point. Or on Coliseum Video.
The Bolsheviks vs. The Powers of Pain is our third match...
- Good, the Bolsheviks sung the Soviet National Anthem. Very good. When the Powers ran in to prevent that, they got a huge pop. They're pretty over.
- Superstar is such a bad commentator, but at least the Powers won, after a flying headbutt off the top from Barbarian onto Zhukov at 9:02. *1/2, could've been so much worse, but thankfully for my sake, it wasn't.
Curt Hennig vs. SD Jones is up, and hey, Jesse Ventura has joined the team for commentary. That's swell!
- Hennig isn't perfect, yet. This match shows that fact quite well. Match is far, far too long, and Hennig wins with a clothesline at 13:05. *, at best. Only because I like Hennig.
Andre the Giant w/Bobby Heenan vs. Randy Savage w/Elizabeth for the WWF Championship is our semi-main event.
- Bobby was forced out of the ring area by police and security...good. This one is very much like their Saturday Night Main Event match that I reviewed, save for one thing. There's a bit more offense from Savage, but that's it. I nearly forgot to mention that Jesse Ventura is now off commentary...yeah.
- Savage's FLYING ELBOW doesn't get the win, and after a bit of fighting, Andre grabs Elizabeth by the ankle, leading to a double countout at 10:24. 1/2*. Andre has the belt, but it isn't his. He really shouldn't be in the ring at this point, but hey, that's not my decision.
Obviously it's intermission time, as we see a pre-taped interview with Ravishing Rick Rude. Gorilla better watch it, you see.
Now Gorilla's with the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers, who are soon to announce their place of residence, which is of course, in the good ol' USA!
I suppose it's a good thing that we have the Fabulous Rougeau's taking on the Hart Foundation.
- Of course it is! Well, it isn't that great, but it's still good. Kinda mailed in, though. After Bret gives Jacques a piledriver, Raymond jumps onto Bret from the 2nd rope, allowing Jacques to regain his composure and pick up the pinfall victory at 17:41. **3/4, but it was definitely nothing special.
Randy Savage makes his way to the ring, because he's got a message for Andre the Giant. He's signed an open contract, anytime, anywhere. He's gonna kick his ASS! Direct quote on that last one.
The main event on this show is Rick Rude vs. Jake Roberts.
- The reason Bobby Heenan isn't there is quite simple. He was kicked out of the building. Jake's gonna kick Rude's ass too, or so he says. I love the PG-13 vibe being given off here...the WWF could've used a few "ass kickings" here and there.
- Very slow, just like most of these matches. I approve of the wrestlers trying to go easy on their bodies. Anyway, Rude tries to slam Jake into the ring, and Jake grabs the top rope for leverage, allowing Jake to win by pinfall at 13:27. **, end of the show.
Rating: Ah, good. Good for a house show, which is good enough for me. Best segment was definitely Horowitz vs. Owen, and the worst was Andre/Savage. That match was just too long.
Now, from Madison Square Garden on October 20th, 1986...Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund, and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary.
Brutus Beefcake vs. B. Brian Blair is the first matchup.
- Was this match determined via alphabetizing the roster? It's not that bad, but like most matches involving Beefcake, he just doesn't do anything. At 10:17, he reverses a Blair crossbody, into a pinfall of his own for the victory. *3/4.
Moondog Rex vs. Tama is next up...
- I thought now would be a good time to mention that every match is a singles match, featuring participants in the battle royal which will take place later on. I didn't know the Islanders were babyfaces...
- I love that spot where a guy's tied up, other guy charges at him, guy unties himself, and other guy flies through the rope. Thought I'd point that out. Anyway, a Tama crossbody off the top gives him the win at 8:17. ** for a decent affair.
Next, we have King Kong Bundy taking on Super Machine.
- Definitely hoss-tastic, but Bundy wins after the AVALANCHE at 3:18. Short, sweet, and to the point. *1/2.
Jim Neidhart vs. Dynamite Kid w/Matilda is now...
- Matilda = the bulldog. Simple, yes?
- Dynamite's so good, it's really a shame that he wrecked his body. But he wins the match, after a roll-up at 5:50. **1/2. Match was very fun.
Koko B. Ware comes out to show everyone his bird...ha. Now the Iron Sheik is facing Jacques Rougeau.
- Of all the matchups on the show, this one is definitely the strangest. The match sucks, though. Jacques wins by pinfall thanks to a sunset flip, at 7:30. *.
Time for Piper's Pit...even though he's being cheered, he says he's still a no good sonofabitch. Adrian Adonis is a fag, you see. Now he wants Bobby Heenan and Paul Orndorff to come out. Heenan does, and they talk about the World Series. Piper likes the Mets, Heenan doesn't. Now Paul Orndorff enters, to Hulk Hogan's music. Much heat for that. Piper says that Orndorff definitely couldn't find a tag team partner for a match, and after a few minutes, he's thought of one. It's Harley Race! Roddy Piper calls Vladimir (you know, the fan who always wears a Piper shirt) onto the ring apron, and his idea of a partner for Piper is...Hulk Hogan! So yeah, that's the main event for next month, Orndorff and Race vs. Piper and Hogan.
Jim Brunzell vs. Mike Rotundo is, uh, right now!
- I thought Rotundo was gone by this point, but apparently I was wrong. This match is super, super slow. They're doing a bunch of amateur wrestling, but the crowd doesn't care, and neither do I. Double countout is the end, at 9:10. *.
Greg Valentine vs. Davey Boy Smith w/Matilda is definitely the best matchup thus far...
- This should be good. Valentine's legwork is unique, at least compared to what I see now in the WWE.
- Davey does a SHARPSHOOTER, but Valentine pins him after using the top rope for leverage at 13:00. **3/4.
Moondog Spot vs. SD Jones is a definite fast-forward. I don't even care enough to look and see who won.
Haku vs. Nikolai Volkoff...
- Volkoff sings, Haku attacks. This card is just too damn long, not only that, there's a reason all of these guys are in tag teams. Moving forward, Volkoff misses a charge to the corner, and Haku rolls him up for 3 at 4:51. 1/2*.
Raymond Rougeau vs. Bret Hart is the last singles match, thankfully.
- Once again, there is a reason some of these guys are in tag teams. In the case of Rougeau, that much is certain. Bret grabs the tights, puts his feet on the ropes, and wins by pinfall at 8:32. **.
Now, we finally have the 50,000 dollar BATTLE ROYAL. The participants are....The Moondogs, SD Jones and Mike Rotundo, The Hart Foundation, King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd, The Machines, The Dream Team, The Rougeau Brothers, The British Bulldogs, The Islanders, The Killer Bees, The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff, and lastly, we have Steve Gatorwolf and Chief Jay Strongbow. When one member of the team is eliminated, the other must also leave.
- Moondogs gone first
- SD Jones gone, so his partner must follow
- A bunch of people tossed Strongbow, so Gatorwolf must leave
- A Machine dumps the Iron Sheik, to a big pop
- Bret Hart and the Dynamite Kid take each other out...aw, damn
- Beefcake gets rid of Jim Brunzell
- Studd gets rid of Jacques Rougeau
- A Machine backdrops Beefcake to the outside
- Bundy clotheslines a Machine out, so now, we're down to The Islanders vs. Bundy and Studd. Bundy charged at an Islander, who ducked, so Bundy knocked Studd out of the ring with a clothesline at 10:34. The Islanders get all the loot. Saw that finish coming, and it was a bad battle royal. 4/10.
This show was really bad. I wish I hadn't even watched it. Best part was Valentine vs. Davey Boy, and the worst was the Battle Royal. I can't describe to you how useless this show was.
Royal Rumble '08 review next, we'll see when I put it up. I don't know yet.