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Undertaker DVD, Part 6.

Ok, I've had enough days of not doing any of these... ___________________   This match is from No Mercy 2002, and it's a Hell in a Cell match, featuring the WWE Champion Brock Lesnar w/Paul Heyman vs. The Undertaker. Remember, Taker has a broken hand.   Blow-by-blow: Taker swings his hand that's in a cast at Brock and Brock dodges him, then takes him down. Taker elbows Brock a few times, but a Brock powerslam gets 2. Brock charges into Taker, and Taker hits Brock in the gut with his cast. Brock bails out of the ring and Taker chases him, and Taker hits Brock in the head with the cast a few times, making Brock bleed. Quite a bit of blood, too. Taker rams Brock into the steps, then the Cell, and grates his face along the Cell. A cover on the outside gets a 2 count, and Taker torpedo tosses Brock into the Cell afterward. Taker does that legdrop where he sets the other wrestler up on the apron and runs down the apron to legdrop him, then goes up top. He clearly had 2nd thoughts about whatever he was going to do, as he comes down with a "something." I really don't know what it was. Taker kicks the Cell into Paul Heyman, and Heyman blades. Again, a lot of blood. Brock accidentally runs into Heyman, but Brock recovers and spinebusters Taker into the Cell, hard. Heyman hands Brock a belt, and Brock ties Taker up, against the Cell. Brock hits Taker in the back with a chair, and then hits the "broken" hand, repeatedly. The belt breaks, and Brock bites Taker on the hand. Back inside the ring, Brock rips the cast off. Brock does this thing where he swings on one of the Cell support beams like Tarzan and kicks Taker a few times. Taker hits Brock low, down low, then pushes him down into the ring. Taker with an elbowdrop into the ring off the top for a 2 count, and Taker kicks Brock into the Cell. Heyman screams out, "we're losing Brock" and he screams pretty much for the rest of the bout. It's funny. Taker dives out under the top rope onto Brock, and Brock gets up first, tossing Taker into the Cell. Brock throws the steel steps into Taker, and now Taker's bleeding. That's a LOT OF BLOOD, much more than that of the other two who are already bleeding. Brock throws the steps into Taker again, and we go back in the ring. A Brock spinebuster gets a 2 count, and Brock doesn't know what he needs to do in order to win. Taker goes up for OLD SCHOOL, but Brock armdrags him off the top rope. Brock goes for the F5, but Taker counters with a chokeslam for 2. Taker with an avalanche, and he goes for another, but Brock counters with a boot to the face. Brock gets backdropped on a BROCK LAST RIDE attempt, and a Taker running DDT gets 2. The LAST RIDE is countered again as Brock rams Taker into the buckle, and as Brock climbs the corner to punch Taker, Taker FINALLY gets the LAST RIDE. However, Brock grabs the ropes on the cover, so the next logical step is to TOMBSTONE him. Taker goes for the TOMBSTONE but Brock reverses it so that he's in TOMBSTONE position, and then Brock launches Taker into position for the F5, and gets the 3 count to retain his title at 27:15. Brock climbing up the Cell to celebrate is left out of the DVD program, so we'll stop there.   Match Analysis: In good conscience, no, this was not better than Taker's match with HHH at WM 17. But since I felt this match was ***1/4, I need to change the rating of the WM 17 match to ***1/2. It would only be fair. Not only that, this was the last great Hell in a Cell matches before they went to shit for a while. I don't remember whether or not the other ones after the 50 minute classic (sic) was better than this. Good for what it was, a brawl with a lot of blood. ___________________   The next match is from the first Smackdown only PPV, Vengeance 2003, and it's The Undertaker vs. John Cena.   Blow-by-blow: IMO, Cena is far better in this role. As a cocky heel that doesn't give a shit what other people think, that's what Cena does best. His rap is corny, but good. Cena slaps Taker at the start, and gets tossed into the corner. Taker dumps Cena and tosses him into the table where the ring bell is situated. Cena grabs a waterbottle and takes a swig, then spits it into Taker's face. Taker tosses Cena into the guardrail, then back into the ring. Taker gets that apron legdrop, and a cover on the inside gets 1. Taker goes up for OLD SCHOOL, gets it, and a chokeslam, and Taker pulls Cena's head up at 2. Way to make the guy look like a jobber. Taker goes for the LAST RIDE, but Cena jumps over him and DDT's him. Cena goes to unwrap the turnbuckle, but he stops midway through doing so. He kicks Taker and chokes him, then after a Taker clothesline, Cena finishes taking off the turnbuckle pad. Taker misses a charge toward the exposed turnbuckle pad, and Cena knocks him out of the ring with a flying shoulderblock. Taker has some "internal bleeding" going on, but a Taker clothesline gets a 2 count after he misses a big boot. Taker with a dragon sleeper, but Cena gets a spinebuster for 2. Taker with a clothesline after both men trade right hands, and Taker goes for the TOMBSTONE. Cena counters and goes for the F-U, and that's also countered. Taker with a legdrop for two, but Cena hits Taker with his chain. Cena gets the F-U for a 2 count, and for the third straight match on this DVD, Cena goes into the corner to punch Taker, and Taker LAST RIDES him out of there, winning the match. Third straight time that spot has been used...   Match Analysis: I believe the word to use is overrated. I've seen in the past that this match drew pretty good star ratings, but it was a glorified Taker squash. He did nothing to make Cena look strong, Cena was only made to look weak. **1/2. I ain't feelin' it. ___________________   Now, we have a BURIED ALIVE match, it's from Survivor Series 2003, and it's the Undertaker vs. Mr. McMahon.   Blow-by-blow: Vince prays to a "higher power" before the match, which I find incredibly funny for multiple reasons. Well, that didn't take long. Vince blades on Taker's first punch. Vince is GUSHING blood all over the place, and Taker rams Vince's grapefruits into the steel ring post. Heh. Then he does the same on the other side of the ring, and rams Vince into the announce table. Apparently, Vince threatened to have Taker's wife raped during the buildup for this match. Wow. Taker chokes Vince with a television cable and hits him with a TV monitor. Taker goes up to the stage where the grave is, and grabs a shovel. He hits Vince with it and I have to say, this might be the most blood I've ever seen in a match. It's all over the place. Taker grabs the steps and rams them into Vince's left leg, and we go TOWARD THE GRAVE. Vince gets his only offense of the match with a headbutt to the nuts of Taker and he then hits Taker with a shovel. Taker pulls Vince into the grave, and opens the forklift door in order to bury him. Taker, bury? harharhar. Kane comes out of the forklift and puts Taker into the grave, and Vince climbs into the forklift and dumps dirt into the grave for the win, at 11:58.   Match Analysis: Wow. Only thing keeping it from -*'s is the blood. DUD for the blood. Dumb. ___________________   The last match on this DVD set is the return of the Deadman w/Paul Bearer in tow, at WM XX. He's facing Kane.   Blow-by-blow: Taker's entrance was awesome, what with Bearer coming out and the Druids. Kane keeps saying "you're not real" throughout the bout. OK. Kane bails early and Taker whips Kane into the apron of the ring. Taker does that legdrop on the apron, and back inside, avalanches Kane while Kane's in the turnbuckle. Bearer screams, "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT," and Taker goes for the LAST RIDE. Unfortunately, they blow a spot where Kane is supposed to counter and drop Taker along the top rope. As I was saying, Taker does not get dropped along the top rope, he just falls down in a heap. Kane with a big boot and right hands as the MSG crowd thankfully does not chant "you fucked up." Kane gets a sideslam and goes up for a flying clothesline that gets a 2 count. Kane misses a charge at Taker, and Taker gets a running big boot and legdrop. He goes up for OLD SCHOOL, but Kane catches him in a choke. Taker returns the favor, and Taker's the one to try the CHOKESLAM first. However, KANE gets the CHOKESLAM and taunts the crowd for a bit. Taker sits up, and no-sells a Kane big boot, then hits a flying clothesline on Kane. Taker gets the CHOKESLAM, and then the TOMBSTONE for the finish at 6:56.   Match Analysis: 1/2*. Not good, but I don't think it was supposed to be anything other than a quick vehicle to re-establish Taker. I don't think he needed it, though.   That's the end of the DVD! ___________________   Now, ratings for the entire DVD.   Rating: Good. Unfortunately, a large majority of the matches are those that most people have probably seen. No hidden gems here, except for maybe the Bret v. Taker match from One Night Only. That match, and a match vs. Kurt Angle from Smackdown in 2003 were cut from the 24/7 airing of the DVD.   Best Match: Shawn vs. Taker from Badd Blood 1997.   Worst Match: Yokozuna vs. Undertaker from Royal Rumble 1994, and Taker v. Hogan from Survivor Series 1991 gets a dishonorable mention. ___________________     The review of the show from the Spectrum in Philadelphia will be posted either tomorrow or Tuesday. I haven't made up my mind yet.
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Trade Deadline Madness.

A lot of things that happen this time of year confuse the fuck out of me, but some things stay the same.   Why trade for Wilson Betemit when you are going to trade for Julio Lugo, despite only having one place to play them?   Why trade one of the best players in baseball for a few nothing prospects?   Atlanta wants to trade Andruw Jones. WHY?   Now, for things that stay the same.   Jim Bowden fucked up again.   The Orioles do not know what they fuck they are doing.   Ditto the Pirates.   The Mets get a Latino player.   The Yankees get what they want without giving anything for it. This simply amazes me. Much respect to Steinbrenner.   Stoneman lived up to his name.   The A's did not trade a pitcher, and the Giants didn't sell one of their veterans.   Kenny Williams does a lot of posturing.   The Cubs fuck up.   There are tons of SAWX rumors, and nothing happens.   I guess the point of this list was to show that the more things change, the more they stay the same. In some cases it's sad, but in others it just serves to let us know which teams are going to be contenders. This is baseball, and this is why we watch.   Winners: Yankees, Reds, Rangers and Dodgers   Losers: Nationals (they fucked up), Phillies, Orioles and Pirates   The winners are the teams that I think may have been pushed over the brink and into the playoffs as a result of their acquisitions, and the losers were the teams that simply did not know what to do with what they had. Jim Bowden is the biggest idiot of all.
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Thoughts on Sunday's NCAA Tournament Games.

1. Kansas v. 8 Kentucky. Kansas dominated. Didn't see any of it, and didn't want to, what with the thrashing that Southern Cal gave those Texas faggots.   2. Wisconsin v. 7 UNLV. UNLV brung the cool shit here. Awesome win, even better pick on my end. UNLV's got a GREAT chance to get to the Elite Eight, and a decent chance of getting to the Final Four. They can play.   1. Florida v. 9 Purdue. Nothing unexpected. Florida can turn it on at will.   (2) Memphis vs. (7) Nevada. I was off on this one. Memphis showed me a lot today, enough to make me consider picking them over A&M later in the week.   (3)Oregon vs. (11)Winthrop. On the two-way, it turned out to be the blowout scenario. Oregon just has problems adjusting early, but they won't have time to do that against the Vegas boys. Start like they did today, and they will get ran over.   (4)Texas vs. (5)USC.   Uh, yeah. Go the fuck back to Austin.   (4)Southern Illinois vs. (5)Va. Tech. Another perfect pick. The ACC and Big Ten were way overrated, and it shows. They put a combined 2 teams in the regionals. Ugh. For all the bitching about the SEC and Pac 10, they both lead the field with 3 teams each heading to the Sweet 16. LOL EASTCOAST BIAS SINCE 1869   (4)Virginia vs. (5) Tennessee. I don't think that either of these teams would have been able to beat Ohio State. The Vols stand a better chance with their athleticism, but it plays right into the hands of Ohio State. Not liking that matchup for the guys from Knoxville.   7 of 8. Beautiful. Tomorrow, I'll talk about Kobe's 65 and 50 point games over the weekend, plus whatever else happens. I'm going to focus on sports in the interim until my life gets a little more exciting, and I get a hang of updating this thing all the time. Then there will be more added to this.
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Thoughts on Saturday's NCAA Tournament Games

I knew the lack of upsets would benefit the entertainment value of the tournament in the long run. And oh man, was I ever right.     (1) Buckeyes vs. (9) X. My predictions were sorta off today, but most of the losing teams did what I said they could. Xavier played exactly how I said they would play. I thought Oden should have received the intentional foul to end the game, but I AM kinda biased against Ohio State. Those Xavier kids should hold their heads up high, they left it all out on the court.   (3) Texas A&M vs. (6) Cardinals. Here's my prediction.   However, I really underestimated the early start time and the Louisville press. I think A&M has enough athletes to break it, so they win. CLOSE.   Haha, I win lolz. That Sosa kid choked away the game, but honestly...he was due to miss those freethrows. You shoot a low percentage for a reason, nobody should expect you to make 17 out of 17 from the line. You're going to miss eventually. Again, nothing to be ashamed of. A&M survived two big scares. That's good experience for the regional finals.   (2) FUCLA vs. (7) Indiana. Another good prediction, to the T. Indiana didn't have the talent that PITT possesses. They'll give those Bruins a game. Really boring game, sorta figured that it would be.   (3) Wazoo vs. (6) Vandy. I get Vanderbilt now, but Wazoo played like I thought they would on Friday.   (1) North Carolina vs. (9) Sparta. I had no chance to watch this game thanks to the UCLA game being on, and the fact that CBS only switched coverage once for like 5 seconds. Can't say.   (2) Hoyas vs. (7) BC. Same as above. Score looks exactly like I figured it would. Not enough athletes from BC.   (4) Terps vs. (5) Butler. The theory worked. YES!1!!!!1! Truth be told, I didn't like Maryland's seeding from step 1. They got hot before the tournament, but that doesn't make them a good team. The committee takes "getting hot before the tourney" way too much into consideration when seeding teams. Hell, USC shouldn't have got a 5 seed.   (3) SHIT Panthers vs. (11) VCU. I thought that this was the best game of the day. How often do you see 19 point comebacks against teams that play the style that Pitt does. Never. I'm glad the Rams aren't going to play UCLA, they would get pasted.     I did pretty good on the brackets. Same song and dance on teh blog for tomorrow, maybe a little more.
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They should kill me and piss on my grave.

That game was a fucking gutwrencher.   I DID NOT WANT THIS SERIES TO GO TO A GAME 7.   Sure, I predicted the Lakers to win in 7, but there's no way in fuck that I wanted that to be the situation that the Lakers were faced with. Game 7 is going to have humongous ratings, and the league will be pissing their pants when they get the Nielsen number.   I hate Smush Parker, and he can sit right on the end of that bench with that little queer smile and fucking line that runs down the middle of his head. I wish he would dye it yellow.   Rant over, because I don't want to get myself angrier.
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The Stanley Cup champions reside in San Jose.

I have never seen a team as complete as the Sharks. They are unreal. The only true threat to them is the Stars, but they have questions in net. I am convinced that the Sharks will put California hockey on the map, at which point I will kill myself.   On another note, Luc Robitaille's final game is tonight. He is a legend in every sense of the word. Ranks 10th all-time in goalscoring, ranks 1st among LW's in goalscoring, and is 1st in LA Kings goalscoring. I'll miss hearing the Staples Center chant Luuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccc every time he touches the puck. Most underrated player of all time? I think so. Can't wait for his number to be retired, which will undoubtedly be against Montreal next season.   He will be missed.
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The Lakers look like dick tonight.

The game's going on as I write this, so some of my opinions that I type before the end will stay unedited, and be commented on later in the entry.   Kobe's only got 18 points on 6 of 24 shooting, but it's ok because he can't be Superman every night. Kwame got rested because the hamstring was acting up, so Bynum got the start tonight.   Gotta post this now before it changes, as it's the weirdest shit I've ever seen.     The number is minutes played, and honest to God, as a lifelong basketball fan, I have never heard of anyone named Kinsey in my life. What the fuck did this guy do to earn 41 minutes. The fact that he's got 24 points makes it even worse. I just read that he went to South Carolina. Still haven't heard of him. The fact that Junior Harrington's had 45 minutes of run in this game makes me laugh even harder. Shammond Williams is starting to get more minutes, so Smush better take heed and start playing better. Here's a nice statline, Lamar Odom's got 3 points, 16 boards and 11 assists. That's the ugliest double-double I've ever seen. This game's pretty much over.   UGH (w/8 seconds left in the 4th). We lost to the fucking Grizzlies. Yeah, Stu Lantz and James Worthy were right, Kobe's gotta score 40 every game if we're gonna win. At least Turiaf got 25 minutes.   Ooo, the Grizzlies did something that every team should do. Make Kobe shoot 2 free throws rather than give him the open 3 to win the game. Only down by one with Hakim Warrick going to the line, about 6.5 seconds left. I like this situation. MISSED ONE, made the next. Down by 2, Kobe's getting the ball. Let's see if the Grizz foul him so that he doesn't get the open 3, and let the game go to overtime. Should be interesting. Smush got a 3 opportunity to win. He missed. FUCK HIM. Game over.   SMUSH IS A FUCKING FAGGOT AND SHOULD BE SHOT
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The Beginning

This is definitely going to be interesting as here I'm going to post my thoughts on happenings throughout the sports world. This thing will be used for my rants and hopefully some of you will enjoy it.   So here's the first thing I'm going to discuss, bowl scheduling.     Ok, so did the bowl representatives royally fuck this one up? There aren't any remotely interesting matchups until the 27th of November, and that day is only relevant so that we can hopefully see Tommy Bowden run the score up on everyone's favorite coach, Gary Barnett. I'm really not interested in many of these games that pit a mid major against a large conference team. So many of these games seem to be obvious wins, but in bowl games suspensions and injuries during practice happen and the winner is dictated on the field.   The BCS sucks and I'm ready for it to be gone. How much longer do we have to wait until a bad Florida State team doesn't make it into the BCS?   I'll evaluate all of these bowl matchups the day before the games are to occur.   Comments are appreciated.    
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So, when is the media going to let it go?

Of course, by it, I mean the Lakers-Suns series.   First of all, why is ESPN reporting this, "One story circulating among the Suns is that Bryant strongly encouraged teammates not to linger on the floor after the final buzzer for post-series handshakes"? Kobe can't "force" anyone to do anything. Unless you believe that woman from Eagle, CO, in which case you can freely believe she's correct. Not my problem.   Secondly, why the fuck are the Suns still thinking about this? Focus on your next series, don't worry about the Lakers anymore. They're going to get smoked tonight if they're still thinking about #8..er..#24.   I expect them to demolish the Clippers, thanks for asking.   Lakers offseason. Oh man, Mitch Kupchak is going to fuck this up. He always does. Let's spend our Full MLE on Vlade Divac. OOPS, we'll buy him out at the tune of 2 million. Let's try Aaron Mckie. OOPS. Those two didn't even play a full 6 games combined. Oh well, that's Mitchell.   Wants, I'm going to be very realistic and stick within possibilities.   Melvin Ely Al Harrington (Sign and trade. More feasible than it sounds, very need based from ATL's perspective. They know they aren't keeping him. If the Lakers do this, the 07-08 plan goes right into the shitter. That's what I want, I'm sick of fucking plans. First with my hockey team, now this? Fuck that shit.) Marcus Banks Reggie Evans (I'm serious.) Brevin Knight   Do not wants.   Carlos Boozer Bobby Jackson. (Would almost be worth it just to keep him from killing LA again.) Sam Cassell (Iffy on this one.)     Pipedreams Iverson. I don't know why, I just love this guy's passion for the game. I'd rather they didn't trade for Garnett unless they get presented with something that doesn't involve Bynum. It won't happen.      
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So, if Shaq gets another ring, and Dodger stuff

Forewarning, this is long. First Lakers, then Dodgers, then USC.   Does the Laker fanbase here support it? I know a ton of people that loved this guy when he was here and hate his guts now. Personally, I think that's a load of shit on their behalf, because nothing changed about Shaq. He's the same guy he always was, everyone just got pissed off because the Lakers were now one of the teams he made fun of. Boo fucking hoo. If they can't handle someone having playful fun or throwing barbs at/with their team, they shouldn't be watching sports in the first place. I'm sick of these uptight assholes in the real world that I have to deal with when I talk about the playoffs on a daily basis. I feel a little better about saying that.   Anyway, to the important LA team at this stage, the Dodgers (fuck that LA Angels hippie shit). This team is a serious contender. I had no idea that their lineup was going to be like this, and I didn't think that the prospects would be able to step in and contribute if guys went down. They need a pitcher, which they can get with the talent that they have in the system. If they get a pitcher, I'm beginning to think that this is a serious NL contender. If they get in the playoffs, they're very dangerous. I trust Derek Lowe to pitch great out there. Gagne comes back to form, they're going to be really hard to beat. I love what I've seen so far.   I talked to one of my buddies that plays football at USC the other day. Turns out he broke their squat record, which considering the talent that's been through there is EXTREMELY impressive, and that he thinks that Mark (for some reason, maybe because it's late, I feel like calling him Matt. Maybe that's his name, I'm too tired.) Sanchez could be better than Matt Leinart. The rest of what he said I'll leave for an entry closer to the season, but I have some input of my own from what I've seen of Sanchez. I'm going to say that he will be better than Matt Leinart. How can I possibly know this? I've seen this guy in person 3 times, and my school played against this guy's (almost all white guys) in a passing league. If anyone but Leinart was the starter at SC, he would have played last year. This guy has "it", that star quality that you see every once in a while. I'm no scout, but this guy is a prototypical QB. He can throw from the pocket, on the run, and he's really mobile. He makes perfect reads (My friends in the passing league were fucking shocked at some of the throws he was able to make at that age) and spreads the ball around. This guy is a winner.   I'll have some scoop on UCLA and Oregon before the season too, because I know one player from each school. One of their families happens to live three doors down. How exciting!
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Review: WWF WrestleMania X8, from Toronto, Ontario, 3/17/2002.

While I don't like this show, seeing as WrestleMania VIII is up, I gotta get this out of the way. ___________________ Opening video and all that, but to start the show off, the first match on the card is Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal for the Intercontinental Championship.   Blow-by-blow: RVD attacks to start, and clotheslines Regal. A standing moonsault follows, but RVD misses a charge to the corner soon after. Regal looks for brass knuckles in his tights, but RVD kicks them out of his hand. He dropkicks Regal and goes for the FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH, but RVD misses. Regal knees RVD in the face for a 2 count, but RVD follows with a crossbody for 2. Regal gives RVD a drop-toe hold, and a suplex for 2 count. A neckbreaker follows for 2, and then, Regal applies a cross armed choke. He likes that move. Regal's bleeding from the mouth, and RVD misses ROLLING THUNDER when given the chance to hit it. Regal gives RVD a double-underhook powerbomb for 2, but RVD rolls him up afterward, only getting 2. RVD gives Regal a dropkick and a monkeyflip, but he misses a charge to the corner. Regal drops RVD on his head with a half-nelson suplex, and goes for the brass knuckles. RVD kicks Regal so he can't hit RVD with the knuckles, and finishes the bout via pinfall after a FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH at 6:20. New Intercontinental Champion and all that.   Match Analysis: Eh, what do you say. It was a good opener. It was also too short, and strange given both wrestlers style. **1/4. ___________________   Christian cuts a promo next, and we see a clip from RAW, when he beat Billy Gunn. He heels on this second class city that the show's in (being Toronto), and smiles for the camera. What a fellow. ___________________   Christian vs. DDP is our European Championship match...   Blow-by-blow: Christian's music is top-20 of all time. Yeah, I said it. DDP's coming full-circle. If you don't know the story, he drove Rhythm & Blues to the ring in a pink Cadillac at WrestleMania VI. In Toronto. Anyhow, Christian tries to surprise Page, but Page recovers and gives Christian a gutwrench chestbreaker. Yeah, I just said that. He clotheslines Christian ove rthe top and rams him into the retaining wall twice, before bringing Christian back in. Page goes for a 10 punch at the corner, but Christian lowblows him. Ouch. He drops Page along the top rope, and knocks him down all the way to the floor on a charge. Inside, DDP trips Christian and tries to ram him nut-first into the ringpost, but Christian pulls DDP into the post. Christian gives DDP an abdominal stretch, and follows it up with a reverse DDT-backbreaker type thing for 2. Christian goes up to the top, but DDP slams him off, all the way down to the canvas. That's followed up by a spinning sitout-powerbomb for 2. Christian tries for the UNPRETTIER, but instead, he rams DDP into the buckle and gives him a reverse DDT. Then there's a little reversal sequence, which ends with the DIAMOND CUTTER. Obviously, that ends the match, and Page retains his title via pinfall at 6:09. After the match, DDP grabs a microphone and talks a bit, which causes Christian to throw a temper tantrum.   Match Analysis: Would've been really good if it was longer than 6 minutes. But it wasn't, so it was just good. Same rating as the last, that being **1/4. DDP still had the ability to have a good/great match. ___________________   Here's what happened next.   http://youtube.com/watch?v=u1TC8TgrFRI   I put these great promos in, because honestly, I can't sum them up well enough for people to read it. It's just better to post them.   I noticed that you can't embed videos anymore. What the hell is this nonsense? ___________________   Goldust vs. Maven for the HARDCORE Title is our next match...   Blow-by-blow: Goldie has those gold weaponz!11!1! Goludst attacks to start, and beels Maven into the retaining wall at ringside. That looked like it hurt. Goldust gets on the apron after placing Maven on the wall, and he dives out onto him. Goldust then hits Maven with a cookie sheet, and inside, he slingshots him into a trash can. Well, he kinda missed the can, so Maven quickly gets up and dropkicks the can into Goldust's face. Maven cradles him for 2, but Goldust comes back with a neckbreaker for 2. Goldust gives Maven a front suplex, and kicks the handle of a GOLD SHOVEL into Maven's throat. Goldust places a garbage can in the corner, and rams Maven into it for a 2 count. Goldust grabs a garbage lid, but Maven has one too, and they hit each other with them. SPIKE DUDLEY runs down to the ring, and he pins Maven to win the Hardcore Title at 3:17. Haha. Crash Holly chases Spike out of the building, and both Maven and Goldust give chase as well.   Match Analysis: 1/2*. But I love the 24/7 rule. ___________________   Next is a shitty performance by Drowning Pool...honestly, I fast-forwarded.   In the back, Crash Holly rams Spike Dudley into a wall, getting a 2 count. Al Snow's driving a golf cart, and he runs over a ton of boxes on accident, instead of hitting Spike. Spike turns to leave, but Hurricane FLIES into the picture and hits Spike, before covering him to win the Hardcore Title. 24/7 rules, son. HAHA. Bring back the Hardcore Title! ___________________ Kurt Angle takes on Kane, but first, Kurt Angle cuts a promo on Canada. Like you didn't see that coming.   Blow-by-blow: In mid-promo, Kane comes out. Angle hits him with the bell, so he can't be disqualified. The bell never rang! They slug it out once the bell rings, and Angle gives him a german suplex. Kane comes back with (what else) a back elbow, and then a choke toss. He tries for the chokeslam, but Angle pushes him away and gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. Angle chokes away after two clotheslines, and gives Kane a back suplex for 2. Angle goes for the front facelock, but when Kane powers out, he just drops Angle to the canvas like he's nothin'. Kane gives Angle a sideslam, but in response, Angle gives Kane the ROLLING GERMAN SUPLEXES. Three suplexes, at that. It only gets a 2 count. Angle comes off the top rope with a clothesline, but when he goes up top again, Kane clotheslines him on the way down. Kane gives Angle a big boot and a backdrop, followed up by a powerslam for 2. Kane misses a charge to the corner, but he still gives Angle a chokeslam for 2. Kane goes for the TOMBSTONE, but Angle counters the hold with an ANGLE SLAM for 2. The straps come off, and Angle goes to the ANKLE LOCK. Kane powers out after a bit, and gives Kurt an enziguri. Kane goes to the top, but Angle gives him the pop-up belly-to-belly suplex. An Angle Slam attempt follows, but Kane counters it with a chokehold. Angle rolls through the choke, and pins Kane with his feet on the ropes for 3 at 10:43.   Match Analysis: An Olympic carryjob. I mean, wow. *** for what is almost the best match on the card. Haven't seen anything better from Kane, in, like, ever. ___________________   The Hurricane's in the back, trying to hide from the action. He also has a broom, but Godfather's hos are in the room. Yeah, there's a boner joke and all, until the Godfather chases him out. ___________________   Ric Flair vs. the Undertaker is our next match, and there are NO disqualifications.   Blow-by-blow: Hype video and all that, in probably the only match on this show that didn't have some retarded reason for occuring. Flair runs down to the ring and attacks Taker, so they trade blows. They fight on the announce table, until Taker rams Flair into the ringpost. Into the stairs Flair goes, then we go back into the ring. Taker whips Flair into the corner, but Flair can't make it over the turnbuckles. Poor guy. They do the spot again, and Flair makes it over, given a big boot when on the apron for his troubles. Taker sits Flair down in a chair and punches away, so Flair bleeds. Inside, Taker kicks Flair, and Flair flops to the ground. Taker gives Flair two clotheslines, and places him on the top, for a gigantic superplex (the superplex is my favorite wrestling move, you see). It only gets 2, because Taker pulls Flair up. Taker places Flair on the apron and legdrops him, but he only gets 2, for the same reason as the last. Taker goes for OLD SCHOOL, but Flair throws him down to the canvas. That doesn't really matter, as Taker gives Flair a sideslam for 2. Flair chops away, knocking Taker out of the ring, and gets a lead pipe. He hits Taker in the head with it, so Taker bleeds. More shots with the lead pipe and a "keep off" sign follow, as we go back in the ring. Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Flair gives him a low blow and applies the FIGURE-FOUR leglock. Taker chokes Flair to break the hold, and chokeslams Flair for a 2 count. Taker tosses the referee into the turnbuckle, and goes out to get the pipe. ARN FREAKING ANDERSON runs down to the ring, unexpectedly I might add, and gives Taker a SPINEBUSTER, getting Flair a 2 count. When watching this live, I thought it was over. Taker punches Arn to make him bleed, and applies a dragon sleeper, until Flair hits him in the back with a chair. Flair tries to hit him in the head with it, but Taker kicks it back into his face. Flair's unable to take the LAST RIDE, so instead, Taker gives him the TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER for 3 at 18:46.   Match Analysis: Really good match, but it was too long. After thinking about it, it's just as good as Angle/Kane, so I'll give it ***. Streak and all that, but Arn's run-in really should've ended the match in favor of Flair. ___________________   Booker T cuts a promo next, talking about Einstein's theory of relatives. I laughed. He had on glasses, too. Good stuff. ___________________ Booker T vs. Edge is the next match, obviously.   Blow-by-blow: Worst feud in the history of feuds. Period. Edge gets the best of the initial punchout, but Booker gives him a shoulderblock. Edge comes back with a dropkick and facebuster, which only gets a 1 count. Booker gives Edge a hotshot, and a spinning heel kick for 2. Booker clotheslines Edge over the top, and comes off the apron onto Edge with a big right hand. Booker goes up to the top when Edge gets back in, and gives him a missile dropkick. Booker follows with a spinebuster for 2, but when he goes back up top, Edge crotches him. Edge gives Booker a hurricanrana with Booker placed on top, but it looked all funny. That's followed up by 2 Edge clotheslines, and a spinning heel kick off the top for 2. Edge gives Booker a slingshot into the turnbuckle, but he misses the spear attempt that ensues. Booker gives Edge a superkick, and entertains us with...THE SPINAROONIE! Booker follows with the SCISSOR KICK for 2, before going for the BOOKEND. Edge says no, and SPEARS Booker for 2. EDGEAROONIE and all that, then the EDGECUTION finishes off Booker for the 3 count at 6:32. Match Analysis: Going through the motions...**. ___________________   In the back, THE HURRICANE is talking to Jonathan Coachman. Mighty Molly is there, and she hits Hurricane with a frying pan to win the Hardcore Title. Ha. ___________________ STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN is going to take on Scott Hall...who's accompanied by Kevin Nash.   Blow-by-blow: Austin in the mid-card boggles the mind, as does the NWO music being dubbed over. Austin stomps a mudhole in Hall to start the match, and gives him a back elbow. Austin follows it up with the THESZ PRESS, and an elbowdrop. Hall bails, but Austin attacks both he and Nash. Hall gets rammed into the steel steps, and they go back inside. Hall clotheslines Austin for 2, and whips Austin into a turnbuckle that Nash pulled the pad off of. Outside Austin goes, where Nash beats him up. In the process, Nash tears his quad. Back inside, and Hall gives Austin a fallaway slam for 2. Hall gives Austin a clothesline for 2, and with the referee distracted afterward, Nash punches Austin. Austin comes back with a spinebuster on Hall, and a STUNNER...but Nash pulls the referee out of the ring during the count and clobbers him. Nash comes into the ring as Hall gets a chair, but Austin gives both a STUNNER. The cover on Hall gets two, as Nash elbowdrops the new referee. Ha. Nash goes out of the ring thanks to Austin, and so does Hall, via a backdrop. Yo. The referees come out and make Nash leave, as Austin and Hall fight on the outside. Hall gives Austin a STUNNER back in the ring, but he only gets a 2 count. Austin pops back up, two STUNNERS, and the win at 9:52. Love how Hall just stood there, looking, well, stunned, after the first of those two STUNNERS. Beer celebration, surprised Hall didn't snag one for himself, harharharharhar. Match Analysis: More going through the motions stuff...*3/4. ___________________   To part two of the program we go, and WWF Axxess. Doesn't need to be covered. ___________________   The next matchup is a 4 Corners Elimination Match, as it's the Dudley Boyz w/Stacy Keibler vs. the APA vs. the Hardy Boyz vs. Billy and Chuck for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   This is probably the hardest match I've had to review so far. It wasn't very easy. APA attack the champions at the start, and Bradshaw will start the match, facing Billy Gunn. Bradshaw tries a fallaway slam, but Chuck tags in. Bradshaw still gives Gunn the fallaway slam, but Chuck tripped him or something. Bradshaw gives Billy a back suplex, and Faarooq tags in. Billy rams him into the buckle and stomps on Faarooq, but Faarooq counters with a powerslam. A DDT follows for 2, and D-Von tags in, with Billy going out. Faarooq gives D-Von a spinebuster, and Billy is given the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL by Bradshaw...but Bradshaw is given the 3D, eliminating his team at 3:25. * for that, it was a mess.   The Hardys both come into the ring and do a bunch of combo moves on their opponent, honestly, this shit is happening so fast that I can't even write it down. The Dudleys set up a table, and Jeff gives Bubba Ray a pescado. Stacy Keibler gets on the ring apron, so Jeff spanks her when she pulls up her shorts as a distraction. Smart move. Bubba gives Billy a BUBBA BOMB, but he misses a charge to the corner. He's still able to give Jeff Hardy a backdrop, for a 2 count. D-Von gives Jeff a suplex for 2, and when Bubba tags back in, he stomps on Jeff's nuts. D-Von gives Jeff a back elbow after the tag, but Jeff responds with a reverse DDT. Matt Hardy and Bubba Ray tag in, Matt gives Bubba a DDT, and slams D-Von. Cause he's a house of fire. I know this part of the review is a mess, but just bear with me. Bubba gives Matt a back suplex, but he misses a senton off the top rope. Obviously, that means Matt Hardy has to go UHHHH and give Bubba a legdrop off the 2nd rope. The Dudleys try to do the WAZZUP headbutt after a few punches, but Billy pushes D-Von all the way down to the floor and through the table that was sitting at ringside. Ouch. TWIST OF FATE on Bubba, SWANTON, and the Dudleys are gone at 11:49. Useless pile of shit waste of time. DUD.   Chuck gives Matt a superkick for a 2 count to start this portion of the the match, so in response, Jeff legdrops Chuck in the lower abdominal area. Matt gives Chuck what would later be known as the SIDE EFFECT, and Jeff tags right back in. POETRY IN MOTION is given to both Billy and Chuck, and then, Chuck is given a TWIST OF FATE. The SWANTON BOMB follows, but Billy gives Jeff a FAMEASSER, for 2. Billy runs in with one of the tag titles, and he hits Jeff in the back of the head with it, giving Chuck the pinfall over Jeff at 13:51. Whadda ya know? The two non-shitty parts of this match (although that is debatable) gave us the best part of the match. I rated this part **. Now, for the overall rating. 3 out of a possible 15 stars is a...* rating. Awfully shitty for a nearly 15 minute match. Add length and how terrible that length was into the equation, and knock down half. 1/2* is my rating for that horrendous spectacle. 2nd worst tag title match at WrestleMania.   (The worst is going to be put on this channel next week...or at least I remember it being the worst.) ___________________   You see, HULK HOGAN wants to go at it alone tonight, so the other members of the NWO will not accompany him to the ring.   After that, Christian hits Mighty Molly with the top half of a two-halved door, and pins her to win the Hardcore Title. Sonofabitch. ___________________   Excuse the copy and paste job. I think this is the best review of any match I've done, so I'm proud of it.   Rock vs. Hogan. That's all the description you need.   Blow-by-blow: The staredown before the bout still gives me chills, even though I've watched this match at least 20 times. Both wrestlers lock-up, until Hogan pushes Rocky to the canvas. He poses, and the crowd goes apeshit. I still mark for this entire match, so everything is going to be insanely biased. Hogan gives Rock a shoulderblock, and poses more. Hell yeah, son! He gives him a clothesline, but Rock comes back with one of his own, and tells him to BRING IT. Rocky gives him the SPIT PUNCH, but Hogan seems deathly terrified of taking a bump over the top, so he scoots out of the ring under the bottom rope. Rocky throws Hogan back in, and clotheslines him after Hogan isn't able to backdrop the Rock. Rock goes for ROCK BOTTOM, but he gets elbowed away by Hogan, and then given a running elbow. Hogan gives him 2 elbowdrops, and a face stomp to boot. Rocky gives Hogan a spear, and the mount punch. Hogan then gives Rock a back suplex, which gets a 2 count. Hogan goes to the ABDOMINAL STRETCH, and then rolls Rock up for another 2 count. He gives Rock the BACK RAKE, and a few chops, before taking him to the corner. Over there, he gives Rock two punches, and bites him. Rocky gives him a few chops (huh), and Hogan misses a charge to the corner, but quickly gives Rock a chokeslam afterward. Hogan takes the tape off his wrists and chokes the Rock with it, and tosses Rock out over the top rope. He rams the Rock into the steel steps, and slams him throat-first onto the barrier at ringside. Hogan begins to take apart the announce table, seemingly to slam Rocky onto it, but the Rock gets there first, and rams Hogan into the table. Rock grabs a chair, but the official takes it away, preventing him from using it. Back inside, Hogan gives Rock a clothesline, and sidesteps when the Rock's running afterward, forcing the Rock to run into the official. Rock comes back with an ugly spinebuster, and the SHARPSHOOTER. Hogan gets to the ropes, but since the ref's out, why break the hold? Once Rock thinks he's done enough, he revives the referee, as the crowd chants "Rocky Sucks." Gee, they love him, don't they. Hogan gives the Rock a low blow, and a ROCK BOTTOM, which only gets 2. Hogan takes off his weight belt now, and hits Rock with it three times. If Hollywood hasn't used his belt yet, the match isn't going to be ending. Of course, he has to take some punishment too, after he misses a punch with the belt on his hand, and gets caught with a DDT by Rocky. Rock grabs the belt now, and hits Hogan with it 7 times. He gives Hogan ROCK BOTTOM, which gets an early 2 count. Oh my GAWD, he's HULKIN' UP! Boom, boom, boom, big boot, DROP THE FUCKING LEG, but it only gets 2. JR was going into raptures about how Hogan pinned Andre with the legdrop, so it's fitting that the move didn't finish the match. Hogan gives Rock another big boot, but is unable to DROP THE FUCKING LEG. Rock gives him ROCK BOTTOM, and sends him down to ROCK BOTTOM AGAIN, then kips up and gives him the MF'ING PEOPLE'S ELBOW for 3 at 16:23. After the Rock celebrates for a bit, Hogan extends his hand in friendship. The Rock accepts the gesture, so Scott Hall and Kevin Nash go to the ring. They thought Hogan was NWO 4 LIFE, but I guess he's not, so they attack him. The Rock runs back down to the ring, and cleans house, along with Hogan. He wants Hogan to pose, so he does. That's the end of WM X8...oh wait, it's not.   Match Analysis: ***. I don't have any problem with those that say the match wasn't that good, but come on. Not only that, but it should've been their only match, and the match at No Way Out 2003 should never have happened. But yeah, the show should've ended here. It would've been the perfect ending, Hogan passing the torch, and then Rocky coming back to help run off the dastardly NWO, who turned on the guy they thought was NWO 4 LIFE. For shame WWF, for shame.   (One last thing, from the present and not the C&P. You know how I said this should've ended the show? Well, this rings ever true throughout the rewatch. Everything else on this show is not worthy of being at WrestleMania. Everything.) ___________________   Lita vs. Trish vs. Jazz is our Triple Threat for the Women's Title match....   Blow-by-blow: You talk about a dead crowd, goodness. Lita and Jazz fight in the middle of the ring before Trish can run down (nice buttshorts btw), and Jazz kicks Trish in the mush when she finally gets there. Jazz gives Trish a BOSTON CRAB, Rick Martel style, and follows it up with a chickenwing toss on Lita. She's dominating the match, and gives Lita a legdrop, for 2. Jazz gives Lita a double-underhook suplex, as Trish goes out of the ring. Lita mounts a comeback with a flying headscissor, and a powerbomb on Jazz for 2. Jazz gives Lita a hotshot, and places her up top, but Trish comes in, ending whatever Jazz had in mind. Trish rolls Jazz up for 2, and reverses a Lita crossbody for a 2 count. Lita clotheslines Jazz, and in response, Trish kicks Lita and gives her a bulldog for 2. Jazz splashes Lita for 2, then gives Trish a fisherman's buster for a 2 count. You know, they're trying to do the whole Jazz thing with Beth Phoenix, and it doesn't work. Trish gives Jazz a reverse DDT for 2, then Lita and Trish get in a little argument. Lita slaps Trish and gives her a backdrop, before giving Jazz a TWIST OF FATE. Lita takes off her shirt, but misses a moonsault from the top, unfortunately. Trish rolls Lita up for 2, but seeing as that failed, she tries to give Jazz a backslide, also getting 2. Lita backdrops Jazz over the top and rams Trish into the buckle, before going UP top. Trish crotches her and gets knocked off the apron, so Jazz makes her way up and gives Lita a FISHERMAN'S BUSTER OFF THE TOP for 3 at 6:16.   Match Analysis: First off, why have the Canadian lose when the crowd is dying/dead. Give them some life. But then again, why have the Canadian win when the crowd is dead. Then it makes it look like the title change means nothing. *1/2, and I would've rated it higher, but a large part of good women's wrestling on this continent is being able to get the crowd into it. They weren't here, but when the crowd does enjoy it, the matches rock. Unfortunately, there are few matches which have fit that billing in the WWF or WWE, whatever iteration of the company you want to look at. ___________________   Christian's about to leave in a taxi, but Maven sneaks up behind him and rolls him up for the 3 count. How many title changes on the whole show have there been, 6? I think it's 6, to this point. Anyway, Maven jumps in the taxi and leaves. Not only did Christian lose the Hardcore Title, he lost his luggage as well. Then he throws a temper tantrum, likely because he lost a 100 dollar pair of underwear or something. ___________________   The (un-anticipated) main event on this card is Triple H vs. Chris Jericho w/Stephanie McMahon for the Undisputed Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Drowning Pool plays HHH to the ring, but this time, I don't fast-forward. Why? Because I like this song, at least as much as you can like a Drowning Pool song. Jericho goes for the knee at the beginning of the match, but HHH just gives him a backdrop in response. Two clotheslines follow, and so does a high knee. HHH sells the leg injury afterward, so Jericho backdrops him over the top. HHH slams Jericho from the top rope to the floor as Jericho tried to leap on HHH, and HHH gives Jericho a suplex on the outside. HHH peels apart the announce tables, but Jericho gives him a few front leg back kicks to prevent anything from occuring. Inside, HHH gives Jericho a spear, but Jericho responds by going right back to the leg. Jericho gives HHH three elbowdrops, and kicks HHH's leg twice, before going to the eyes. HHH responds with a kneebreaker and a FIGURE-FOUR, until Stephanie McMahon forces HHH to break the hold. HHH pulls her onto the apron, and makes Jericho run into her, knocking her down to the floor. HHH then tosses her in, but Jericho gives him a missile dropkick. Jericho rams HHH's leg into the post and applies a leglock soon after, before ramming HHH's knee into the canvas. Jericho slaps on the RINGPOST FIGURE-FOUR (original is better in this case), but he can't hold it for too long anyway. Jericho applies a spinning toehold next, and uses the ropes, until HHH kicks him into the buckle. HHH follows that up with a neckbreaker, and a clothesline for a 2 count. HHH continues the assault with the knee to the face, and a spinebuster, which gets a 2 count. Jericho tosses HHH over the top rope to catch a break, and then they both go toward the announce tables. Jericho tries the WALLS OF JERICHO on one announce table (like, what does that add to the move, exactly), but he can't get the move to work. HHH then goes for the PEDIGREE, but Jericho backdrops him onto and through the other announce table. Back in and a LIONSAULT gets 2, twice. Nobody really cares. Little finisher reversal sequence here, which ends in the WALLS OF JERICHO. HHH makes the ropes, of course, like everyone else does. Stephanie gets on the apron to distract the referee as Jericho grabs a chair, but HHH kicks the chair in Jericho's face and DDT's him onto the chair for a 2 count. Stephanie now has the chair, but the referee takes it away...leaving her with no defense against HHH. HHH gives her a PEDIGREE to a substantial pop, but Jericho hits him with a chair, for 2. Jericho goes for the JERICHOGREE or something, but it's not happenin'. HHH rams him into the buckle and gives him the PEDIGREE, to win the Undisputed Title at 18:41. HHH celebrates, to end the show. Match Analysis: It wasn't even a bad match. It was actually a good match...but for that crowd. Man, that killed everything for me. **3/4. The Stephanie shit got really tiresome throughout, to be fair. ___________________   Rating: Decent. Just a regular, standard PPV show.   Best Segment: Uh, Rock/Hogan. Not close, really.   Worst Segment: Dudleys vs. Hardys vs. APA vs. Billy and Chuck. Awful. ___________________   I'll put up a WrestleMania VIII review sometime before or on Wednesday.
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Review: WWF WrestleMania VIII, from Indianapolis, Indiana, 4/5/1992.

One of my favorite shows...a must-watch. ___________________   The national anthem was performed by Reba McEntire. When I was a kid and watched this, my mom liked that. ___________________   El Matador vs. Shawn Michaels w/Sensational Sherri is the first match...   Blow-by-blow: Of course, El Matador is Tito Santana. Not like I had to tell you that. The version of Shawn's theme that Sherri sings is the best. Both push each other at the start of the bout, and Tito gives Shawn a crossbody for 2. They push again and Tito puts Shawn in a headlock, before clotheslining him over the top rope. Tito brings Shawn in with a headlock, but Shawn breaks the hold at the corner with a few shouldercharges. Tito misses a charge to the corner, but in a smart move, he fakes another charge, and takes Shawn down with a headlock right after. Another headlock takedown by Tito gets 2, as does an inside cradle. Shawn tosses Tito over the top on a charge attempt, and gives him a backbreaker for 2 when back inside the ring. To the chinlock we go, but when Tito makes a comeback attempt, Shawn superkicks him. Shawn goes for a side suplex, but Tito counters and gives Shawn the FLYING JALAPENO, to knock Shawn out of the ring. Tito rams Shawn into the steel steps, and on the inside, he gives him a kneelift. An inverted atomic drop follows, as does ANOTHER flying forearm, this time to the back of the head. Shawn bails and Tito tries to bring him in with a slam, but Shawn uses the top rope for initial leverage and picks up the pinfall victory at 10:38. After the match, after Shawn's posing, Bobby Heenan says, "there's the star of the 90's." No kiddin'.   Match Analysis: A good opener, by WrestleMania standards. You know, many other WrestleMania's have lesser openers than this, hence the "good" title. I'll give it **3/4. The WWF must've thought highly of this match, because they put Shawn up against Randy Savage on the UK-only PPV that occured soon after the event. ___________________   The LEGION OF DOOM come to a little interview set-up for (obviously) an interview, with Gene Okerlund. Paul Ellering's being introduced, they talk about destruction and other nonsense that I don't entirely comprehend. That's all.   Sean Mooney is with Jake Roberts in the back, for another interview. The past footage shown highlights when Jake shut the Undertaker's hand inside of a casket on Paul Bearer's "Funeral Parlor" interview segment. Jake hit him a few times with a chair, too. Anyway, this is a great promo. Like almost every other big match promo Jake gave. Jack Tunney said that the snake will not be allowed at ringside, so Jake will do this alone. ___________________   Jake Roberts vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer. A grudge match.   Blow-by-blow: These are two of my favorite characters, so I'm biased. I didn't realize how great Jake's new entrance music was until I watched this match. Roberts tries to avoid Taker's attacks, and he does, by clotheslining Taker over the top rope. Taker pulls Roberts to the outside, and rams him into the ringpost, before sending him back in. Taker chokes Roberts for a really LONG time, before giving him an elbowdrop. Taker follows it up with a flying clothesline, but Jake responds with the DDT. After taunting and a few cheers, Jake gives Taker a short clothesline. ANOTHER DDT follows, and Jake goes to the outside to chase Paul Bearer. Taker sits up and makes his way to the outside, where he gives Jake a TOMBSTONE, before rolling Jake back into the ring for the three count at 6:42.   Match Analysis: Taker squash to even further establish him as a main event player...otherwise, there's nothing to see here. Notable for the end of Jake's WWF run and that's it. *. ___________________   Time for copy & paste....but there's a promo with both men that I find to be one of the funniest I've seen. "Love the way your mama used to make them sammidges."   It's Bret Hart vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper for the Intercontinental Championship. I deleted all the other nonsense that I put in the title when I first posted this, I don't know what I was thinking.   Blow-by-blow: Thankfully, they show the pre-match promo. I'll review that when the whole event is posted. Bret's in his all pink attire, and I don't know who the referee is. Both men trade armdrags before Piper takes Bret down to the canvas. Piper has his arms locked around Bret, and Bret runs and ducks down so that Piper goes out under the top rope. Clever. Piper spits at Bret to establish that he'll be playing the heel tonight, then we have a test of strength. Piper chops Bret after they exchange armwringers, and he rams Bret into the turnbuckle. Piper chops him more, and Bret gets a running dropkick. Bret plays possum on the canvas, holding his shoulder, then rolls Piper up for a 2 count. I think that's the first time he did that in the WWF, I'm not sure though. Piper slaps him, and now IT'S ON. Bret crossbody's Piper to the floor (see what I said about Piper liking that spot) even though it took a while for both men to get to the floor, and Piper holds the ring ropes open so that Bret can come back in. What a guy. Piper makes the referee check Bret for weapons, and Piper slugs Bret in the face with his left hand as Bret's head is down, so obviously, Bret couldn't see him. Wink, wink. Bret blades off the punch (blading was a no-no at the time) and Piper rams his head into the buckle. Piper with a bulldog that gets two and a dropkick for 2, but Bret comes back with a sunset flip for 2. Piper with some lefts and rights for 2, then a Bret flying forearm puts Piper out of the ring. Piper comes back in and both men clothesline each other. Piper goes up to the top as Bret is playing possum AGAIN, and he drapes Piper's feet on the ropes, then rams his face into the canvas. Here comes the usual, Bret with a inverted atomic drop, suplex, russian leg sweep and backbreaker, but Piper blocks the SHARPSHOOTER. Bret goes up to the 2nd rope for his elbowdrop, but he eats Piper's boot on the way down. The two combatants trade punches from their knees (I was going to say "trade blows from their knees," but for some reason, I didn't. Hopefully you can make sense of it.) and Piper rams Bret into the referee. Piper clotheslines Bret out, then rams him into the steel steps. Piper grabs the ringbell, but thinks better of using it. Cause he's a good guy at heart, 'ya know? He tosses the bell out and puts Bret in a sleeper hold, but Bret kicks the turnbuckle pad in the corner, and the momentum puts Bret on top of Piper for the 3 count, and the win, at 13:50. I can't describe the finish any better than that, sorry. It was like Bret-Austin at Survivor Series 1996.   Match Analysis: I won't say too much, but this match is WAY underrated. I don't see what keeps this from being a great match, considering that most people don't put it in that category. It told a great story, and moreover, helped launch Bret on his push that culminated in him winning the WWF title later in the year. Would it have been the same had Bret beaten the Mountie (or insert mid-card heel here) at WM 8 to get the title back? No, of course it wouldn't have. ****1/4. One of my favorite matches. ___________________   Bobby Heenan introduces LEX LUGER, from the World Bodybuilding Federation. MWHAHAHAHAHA. Luger calls Gorilla Monsoon "fat," so Gorilla jumps out of his seat. That was funny. Then Luger drinks a glass of milk, because it does a body good. ___________________   The next match is an 8-man tag, as the Nasty Boys, the Repo Man and the Mountie are taking on Jim Duggan, Virgil, Sgt. Slaughter, and the BIG Bossman. Before the match, the heel side cuts one of the funniest promos I've ever seen. You must see it. Anyhow, Ray Combs of Family Feud fame does this little comedy bit on the heels, saying that he surveyed 100 people. They chased him out of the ring when he finished the speech up.   Blow-by-blow: Everyone brawls, and all the heels get clotheslined, before bailing to the outside. WAIT A SECOND, Bobby Heenan has a special announcement. SHAWN MICHAELS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING. Ok, now back to the action. Duggan and Sags start the match, and after a Duggan clothesline, Sgt. Slaughter tags in. Knobbs also tags in, and Slaughter gives him a chestbreaker. A back elbow follows, and Bossman tags in. Bossman misses a charge to the corner though, so Repo Man comes into the match. Bossman gives him a shoulderblock, but he misses a splash. Repo tries to jump on Bossman, but Bossman quickly turns over and punches him in the nuts. Ouch. Virgil tags in and gives Repo a dropkick, then a crossbody off the top rope for 2. The Mountie punches Virgil in the head so that Repo can gain control, and Repo does, with a back suplex. Now everyone brawls, Sarge hits Knobbs with a roll of tape, and Virgil pins Knobbs for the victory at 6:32. Match Analysis: Just one of those "get everyone on the show" tag matches. Nothing wrong with that. 1/2*. ___________________   Mr. Perfect and Ric Flair are with Sean Mooney, and they're also in possession of a photo of Miss Elizabeth. Who knows what's inside the envelope. They plan to unveil it on the big screen when Flair wins.   Randy Savage's door is shut for Gene Okerlund, he grants no interviews before this match. ___________________   And now, one part of the co-main event, this being Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair w/Mr. Perfect for the WWF Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Lots of bad blood here. Macho's wearing gold...foreshadowing, perhaps? Savage chases Flair around the ring, and attacks him in the aisle, before Perfect can pull Savage off of Flair. Flair gets Savage inside the ring, but Savage clotheslines Flair and knees him in the back. Savage goes up for a 10 punch, but Flair tries to bring him down with an inverted atomic drop, only to be clotheslined. Savage gives Flair a back elbow for 2, but on a charge at Flair, Flair backdrops Savage all the way to the floor. Yo. Savage's back hit the apron on the way down, so this looked a bit more rough than the other times that Savage took this move. Flair chops away and rams Savage into the apron before bringing Savage back in, where he gives Savage a suplex for 2. A Flair back suplex also gets a 2 count, as does a cover after a few chops. Flair gives Savage a kneedrop, then sends him outside, ramming him back-first into the ring apron. Then with Savage on the ring apron, he suplexes him in, for a 2 count. Savage finally comes back with a neckbreaker after a few punches, then Flair goes up to the top. Flair gets slammed down to the canvas, and then given a backdrop. 2 clotheslines follow as does a Flair flip, then Savage clotheslines Flair when Flair's on the apron, for a 2 count. Savage clotheslines Flair over the top, then goes all BOMBS AWAY down to the floor. Flair gets rammed to the steps as he's bleeding, and Savage gives Flair a suplex, on the floor. In we go, and Savage gives Flair a double axhandle for 2. Savage goes up again, and this time, he gives Flair the FLYING ELBOWDROP. Perfect pulls Savage out of the ring on the cover, so Savage chases Perfect. Perfect tosses an INTERNATIONAL object to Flair (had to wait long as possible to pull out that phrase), thusly, Flair hits Savage with it. The cover only gets 2. Perfect hits Savage in the back with a chair as the referee is distracted, which brings Elizabeth down to the ring. Flair begins to work on Savage's leg, with a kneebreaker and the FIGURE-FOUR LEGLOCK, as he uses Perfect for leverage. Savage reverses the hold as the referee spots the cheating, and when both stand up, Savage cradles Flair for 2. Flair tries to give Savage a kneebreaker, but Savage flips over and rolls up Flair while HOLDING THE TIGHTS for the THREE COUNT at 18:05. OMG, TWO TIME WWF CHAMPION MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE. Bobby Heenan says that he absolutely MUST leave the commentary position, and he does. Elizabeth came into the ring to celebrate, and now, Flair's making a move towards her. He kisses her, she slaps him. Savage enters the picture, and begins to beat the shit out of Flair, at least until officials intervene. Of course, Savage and Elizabeth celebrate, to end the show. OH WAIT, we've still got a whole lot more.   Match Analysis: Would've been the perfect moment to end a show on, amirite? Too bad it didn't. The things that knock this match down are the same things that knock Flair vs. Hogan at Bash '94 down, although to a lesser extent. Yeah, there is a ton of overbooking in this. Much of it is completely unnecessary. As for what is unnecessary, I don't really need to say, I'd rather have other people figure it out. The only part I believe isn't excess is Liz coming down to the ring. You can get there other ways than with Flair knocking Savage cold with a foreign object. Still, ****1/4. A damn good wrestling match, despite all of that. The overbooking wasn't what made the match great. ___________________   Sean Mooney is with Mr. Perfect, Bobby Heenan, and Ric Flair, cause Flair has a LOT to say. Flair says that Savage is going to be claiming many falsehoods now, and that's what they are, false. The crazed look in Flair's eyes is the best thing on this entire show. Just being honest.   Mean Gene is with Savage, and this isn't over at all. He wants Elizabeth to take the title and go, then he says he'll do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get a hold of Flair. I'm still pissed that we didn't get a proper blowoff to this feud. ___________________   Now, we look at a flashback from the WrestleMania VIII press conference, in which Hulk Hogan was named the #1 contender. Sid Justice really didn't like that, as he stated in an interview. At Saturday Night's Main Event #30, he showed his true colors. During a match which featured he and Hulk Hogan taking on Ric Flair and the Undertaker, Sid left the Hulkster in the ring, while he was being worked over by the heels. Brutus Beefcake tried to get all tough with Sid and make him stay, but when Sid reached back to punch Beefcake, Beefcake let him go. Remember, Beefcake had a messed up face, unfortunately, Sid didn't punch him. Then the WWF would've had reason to keep Beefcake off TV forever.   To be fair, Beefcake didn't stick around much longer, because Sid destroyed the Barber Shop on Wrestling Challenge. Sid had shaving cream all over his face while he wrecked the place. Ok, now enough of the professional sounding writing. Lastly, we get to see a video of Sid destroying a bunch of jobbers, Virgil among them. ___________________   Before this next match, Rick Martel cuts a promo, namely describing how "Indians" know nothing about fashion. Haha. Obviously, the next match is "The Model" Rick Martel vs. Tatanka.   Blow-by-blow: Prior to the bout, some Native Americans were doing this little performance in the ring. Surely to keep the fans in the arena awake, because it was a long time between the end of the Savage match and the start of this one. The Model is one of my favorite gimmicks, like, ever. Does that make me a homosexual? Tatanka hiptosses Martel to start the match, then slams him twice, causing Martel to bail out. Martel comes back in and rams Tatanka into the warrior, but Tatanka returns the favor. Martel misses a charge to the corner, but he comes right back with a chokeslam. Martel tosses Tatanka over the top and brings him right back in for some reason, giving Tatanka a backbreaker inside of the ring. Tatanka gives Martel a backdrop as his comeback is being made, and then a tomahawk chop. Martel responds with a scoop slam and clothesline, but Tatanka gives Martel a crossbody for 3 at 4:31.   Match Analysis: Just like the 8-man tag. A match to fill out the card. Better than the other, though. *1/4. ___________________   Sean Mooney is with Money Inc., and seeing as IRS knows it's tax time, they have a lot of collecting to do, from the Natural Disasters. The Disasters are with Mean Gene, and they blabber a whole bunch of nonsense. Why were these two babyfaces, again? ___________________ The next contest is, of course, the NATURAL DISASTERS vs. Money Inc. w/Jimmy Hart for the WWF Tag Team Championships.   Blow-by-blow: Earthquake and IRS look like they're about to start the match, but really, they can't decide who's going to start. DiBiase comes into the match, but Earthquake tosses him into the buckle, then clotheslines DiBiase's partner to follow. Earthquake works on IRS and Typhoon comes in, giving IRS a hipblock. Typhoon steps on IRS' tie, and then rams him into the buckle multiple times, before missing a charge to the corner. DiBiase comes in and chops away, but Typhoon comes back with a headbutt. Typhoon misses a charge at DiBiase and goes over the top to the outside, where IRS rams him into the steps. Inside, and IRS gives Typhoon an elbowdrop for 2. Follow that up with a double back elbow, and a DiBiase axhandle off the 2nd rope for 2. Then there's a double collision, and Earthquake tags in, along with IRS. Earthquake gives him a clothesline and a scoop slam, before SHAKING THE FOUNDATIONS OF THIS VERY RING. Hart and DiBiase then pull IRS out, and leave, getting counted out at 8:37. Match Analysis: Well, that sucked. BUT, it wasn't the worst tag title match at Mania. That's on the next show. 3/4* for a general waste of time. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Brutus the Barber...uh, why? Brutus talks about HULKAMANIA, but I'm not listening. ___________________   Owen Hart vs. Skinner is our before the main event filler...   Blow-by-blow: Right from the get-go, Skinner spits some chewing tobacco on Owen. GROSS. Skinner gives Owen a shoulerbreaker, and a reverse DDT for a 2 count. Skinner tosses Owen over the top, Owen skins the cat to come back in, and rolls Skinner up for 3 at 1:10.   Match Analysis: Uh, good while it lasted? *. ___________________   Now, the big hype for the big match.   Harvey Wippleman and Sid are with Mean Gene, talking about how he's the master, and how Sid rules the world. He says it's Hogan's last match. We see a video of Vince McMahon thanking Hogan for what he's given to the WWF, and that Hogan doesn't know whether or not this is his last match. Then we cut back to Sid, and Sid says he doesn't really care what Hogan had to say, cause he RULES THE WORLD. ___________________   Of course, the main event is NOW, and that's Sid Justice w/Harvey Wippleman vs. Hulk Hogan.   Blow-by-blow: Harvey's at the ring to introduce Sid, during which Gorilla Monsoon says that he calls Sid, "Psycho Sid." Ha. Sid attacks Hogan at the beginning of the bout, but in response Hogan knocks Sid out of the ring and keeps him out. A big clothesline follows, so Hogan tears his shirt. Crowd is going batshit at the moment, so the two wrestlers stare down. Sid gives Hogan a knee and a rake of the face, but Hogan responds with a few rights that knock Sid out of the ring. Now we go to a LONG TEST OF STRENGTH, that Sid wins when he knees Hogan. Sid gives Hogan a big chokeslam (to a positive reaction), and he cuts a promo during the middle of the match. MWAHAHAHA. Sid punches Hogan in the kidney, then hits him with Harvey's doctor bag on the outside, twice, before sending Hogan in for the NERVE HOLD. Super, super long on that, but Sid ends Hogan's little rally with a sidewalk slam. Sid gives Hogan the POWERBOMB, and of course, it only gets 2. HULK-UP, big boot, SLAM, DROP THE FUCKIN' LEG, but Hogan only gets a 2 count. As we all know, Papa Shango was supposed to run into the ring. He did not. Not only did he not, he wasn't even close to getting there in time. Harvey runs into the match to get Hogan DQ'd at 12:26, so Hogan tosses Harvey onto Sid. Sid stands there like an idiot waiting for Shango, and when Shango finally gets there, he and Sid attack Hogan. The ULTIMATE WARRIOR'S music hits, and then the place really goes nuts. Bobby Heenan does too, and now, the Warrior cleans house. A chairshot from Sid does absolutely nothing, so he bails out. Now Warrior and Hogan pose to end the show.   Match Analysis: See, now that I've watched it again, I can understand why people said that Kerry Von Erich was the Ultimate Warrior. No lie when I say that I could not tell the difference during that run-in. Match was absolutely terrible. 1/2*. The Warrior run-in is something I watch multiple times whenever I watch the show. Can't help it, mostly because I love to hear Heenan's reaction. ___________________ Rating: Great. Two ****+ matches equals great. Not the best WrestleMania up to that point, but close.   Best Segment: Uh, I prefer Bret vs. Piper to the rest. Maybe I'm alone on that.   Worst Segment: I have to pick something...the 8-man tag wasn't the worst, because of Ray Combs' funny little comedy routine. LOD's promo was. ___________________   WrestleMania IX review will be up sometime. With the NCAA tournament occuring, who knows when.
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Review: WWF WrestleMania IX, from Las Vegas, Nevada; 4/4/1993.

I tinkered with the idea of putting "from Ancient Rome" in the title, but I decided not to. You know, because of this show's motif. ___________________   Gorilla Monsoon introduces the show, but he's not our announcer. JIM ROSS is, and making his WWF debut to boot! ___________________   Finkus Maximus introduces Julius Caesar and Cleopatra, then our announce team. Randy Savage is accompanied by a few vestal virgins (ha), and Bobby Heenan rides a camel to the ring, backwards, of course. When he gets off, Savage pulls up Heenan's toga to reveal a pair of BVD's. Funny. ___________________   The first match on this card is Tatanka w/Sensational Sherri vs. Shawn Michaels w/Luna Vachon for the Intercontinental Championship.   Blow-by-blow: To start, both men do a little indy applause stance segment, to no applause. Shawn's hammerlock is reversed, so Shawn reverses Tatanka's hold into a top wristlock. Tatanka powers out, but Shawn takes him to the canvas with a headlock for a 2 count. Shawn tries another takedown, but Tatanka gives him a back suplex. Tatanka misses a charge to the corner, but he gives Shawn an armdrag as Shawn leaps off the top rope. He sends Shawn into the corner where Shawn goes upside down and onto the apron, then he chops Shawn down to the floor. Shawn rams Tatanka into the buckle when on the apron, and comes off the top with a sunset flip for a 2 count. Tatanka gives Shawn an inverted atomic drop, and then a DDT, before going to an armbar. A long one, at that. Tatanka then gives Shawn a shoulderbreaker, and a tomahawk chop from up top. Tatanka goes up for a third, but Shawn superkicks him on the way down. Shawn tosses Tatanka over the top and to the floor, then taunts Sherri from the ring apron. Uh...a neckbreaker from Shawn follows for a 2 count, and so does a dropkick which also gets 2. Shawn goes to the chinlock, and when Tatanka powers out, he gives Tatanka a botched victory roll for a 2 count. Don't think they were supposed to do that, as evidenced by going right back to that spot and Tatanka dropping Michaels to the canvas from his shoulders for a 2 count. Shawn gives Tatanka an axhandle from the second rope, but now, Tatanka is using POWERS OF THE SPIRITS ABOVE, so nothing's hurting him. Tatanka chops away at Shawn, and gives him a crossbody for 2. He slingshots Shawn into the ringpost, and a roll-up gets 2. he goes for the END OF THE TRAIL, but Shawn counters with a roll-up for a 2 count. Shawn goes to the top soon after, but Tatanka catches him in mid-leap and powerslams him for a 2 count. Shawn dumps Tatanka, and from the apron, he misses a crossbody, hitting the steel steps. Shawn pulls the referee out of the ring for some reason, and when Tatanka gives Shawn the END OF THE TRAIL, the bell rings. Why, whatever could be going on here? Finkus Maximus says that Tatanka wins by COUNTOUT, but he does not win the Intercontinental Title. BOO. Time was 18:16. After the bout, Luna attacks Sherri. Jim Ross says that Sherri needs help, and in response Bobby Heenan says that she always has needed help, starting with her makeup. LAWL.   Match Analysis: A good opener for WrestleMania, but a lot was missing. Namely crisp spots. Too much stuff seemed sloppy, but outside of that and the terrible finish, it was an ok match. There will be better matches, just not necessarily on this show. **1/2. ___________________   Mean Gene Okerlund is with the Steiner Brothers, giving them an interview before their match vs. The Headshrinkers w/Afa. So yeah, that.   Blow-by-blow: Bill Alfonso is the referee...thought that was of note. Fatu and Scott start the match, and Scott takes Fatu down with an armdrag. A Scott hiptoss follows, and so does a STEINERLINE. The ring fills up as both teams try to take control, and the Headshrinkers win that battle, by tossing the Steiners out of the ring. Both Steiners go to the top rope, and they clothesline the Headshrinkers on their way in. Rick and Samu have entered the match, and they both clothesline each other. Scott tags in and gives Samu a double underhook powerbomb, before giving Fatu a nice dropkick. Samu nearly kills Scott when dropping him out of the ring as most have seen before, and Afa only furthers the damage by hitting Scott with a kendo stick. Fatu gives Scott a backbreaker back on the inside, and follows it up with a flying headbutt off the 2nd rope for a 2 count. The Headshrinkers give Scott a double headbutt, but Samu misses a charge to the corner. That doesn't allow Rick to tag in, though, but Fatu does and tosses Scott out of the ring. Fatu gives Scott a thrust kick after his face is rammed into the mat, you know, because Samoans have hard heads and they don't get hurt. Fatu goes to the NERVE HOLD, but both clothesline each other. After Samu tags in and misses a flying headbutt from the top rope, Rick Steiner makes the hot tag. Rick gives everyone STEINERLINES, and tries a noggin-knocker, but obviously that isn't going to work, and the Headshrinkers give him a double front-russian leg sweep. They try for a doomsday device type move, but Rick gives Samu a powerslam out of mid-air. Yo. Scott gives Fatu a belly-to-belly as the excess makes their way out of the ring, but Samu slams him. Scott gives Samu a FRANKENSTEINER as the ropes are being ran, and that finishes Samu for the victory at 14:23. Match Analysis: Much better than I remembered it being. After all, thinking about it, all matches between late 80's era NWA tag teams should be fun. **.   If you cannot stomach bad wrestling, quit watching the show right here. Seriously. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Doink for an interview, see, Doink drew on a statue of Julius Caesar, so Okerlund feigns outrage. We flash to when Doink attacked Crush with a prosthetic arm...laughable, ain't it? ___________________ So now, we have Doink vs. Crush. Reasons for this are stated above.   Blow-by-blow: Bobby Heenan is still pushing the "Doink is some wrestler that we've seen before" thing...when did that end? Doink squirts Crush with the flower on his coat, causing Crush to chase, and eventually slam Doink on the outside. Crush rams Doink into the ringpost, guardrail, and back into the ring, before giving Doink a neckbreaker. A backbreaker follows, but Doink uses the rope as help and gives Crush an axhandle off the top rope. Doink goes to the 2nd rope twice and gives Crush a few punches, before giving him a PILEDRIVER. Doink eats a boot on his way down from the top, and Crush gives Doink a powerslam from the 2nd rope. This is bad. And it has no heat. Crush clotheslines Doink over the top, which causes Doink to LOOK UNDER THE RING! Oh no. Crush prevents Doink from crawling under the ring, then sends him inside, for a gorilla press slam. He now applies the HEAD CRUSH, but Doink makes it to the ropes. When Crush turns around he hits the referee with his elbow, so now he's out cold. Doink tries to go UNDER THE RING, but Crush prevents him again, to give him the HEAD CRUSH. Back in with that, and a 2ND DOINK comes out from UNDER THE RING, to hit Crush with a prosthetic arm, giving Doink the oomph he needed to get the pinfall at 8:29. I didn't forget to mention that both Doinks did this little mirror-image routine that was super-retarded, of course, before the pinfall. Bill Alfonso comes to ringside to point out that there was a second Doink, and when looking under the ring, referee Joey Marella seemingly busted his noggin or something. He's acting like a malaria patient. Guess that constitutes an angle in those days.   Match Analysis: You know, I was ready to give it a DUD, until Joey Marella started acting like he had a headache. That was brutal. Just a simple -*. Wrestling was horrid (in the sense that Crush is terrible, and did not belong in the ring), but that can easily be forgiven if spots are not botched and with a simple ending to the match. Retardedness cannot be forgiven. ___________________   Todd Pettingill is in the crowd, asking about this Doink situation. Thankfully this is short, and ignorable. ___________________   Bob Backlund vs. Razor Ramon is our next contest, and Razor enters to a...favorable reaction. Heh.   Blow-by-blow: Razor tosses the toothpick at Backlund, to another favorable reaction. A big "Razor" chant begins, as Backlund trips Razor a few times. Razor slams Backlund twice in response, as Randy Savage talks about Lex Luger knocking out Bret Hart at the brunch earlier. They did that to set up a little run on the house shows, as you can see by checking thehistoryofwwe.com. Backlund gives Razor two hiptosses and a dropkick, before following that up with a double underhook suplex. Backlund gives Razor an atomic drop, causing Razor to bail out, cause Backlund's in SUPREME CONTROL. Backlund brings Razor in the hard way, but Razor rolls Backlund up for the victory at 3:44.   Match Analysis: Well, I suppose they weren't trying to make Razor look good. He looked anything but. 1/2*. I didn't really understand that match. ___________________   Money Inc. are with Mean Gene for an interview, and see, Gene thinks that the Mega Maniacs are going to have their numbers. On RAW, Brutus Beefcake was attacked with Money Inc's briefcase, so now, he has to wear a mask. Jimmy Hart tried to help even though he was Money Inc's manager, but he unable to do anything. IRS says that they're facing the "Mega Morons" and that Hogan was attacked at a gym last night, so his face is all screwed up. We'll see about that. ___________________   WHOA, LOOK AT HOGAN'S FACE.   Quite obviously, the Mega Maniacs w/Jimmy Hart are facing Money Inc. for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   Blow-by-blow: The champions instantly attack the Maniacs, but much like all other Hogan matches, he and Beefcake manage to clear the ring. Beefcake looks like a big douche with all this red and yellow and the mask he's wearing too, so to start the match, it'll be him and IRS. DiBiase quickly comes in to work on Beefcake, the height of that being a back elbow. IRS comes in for the double team and stays in, with a few punches for Beefcake before tagging back out. DiBiase tries to punch Beefcake in the face, but Beefcake's mask is keeping the punch from doing damage. Beefcake gets rammed into the buckle which also does nothing, so Beefcake returns the favor and tags in the HULKSTER. He gives Ted a 10 punch in the corner and a clothesline, before Beefcake comes in and they give DiBiase a double big boot. Hogan gives DiBiase an axhandle from rope #2, and clotheslines him over the top, bringing IRS in. Money Inc. want to leave when IRS gets tossed over the top rope, but the referee does the whole, "you better come back by the count of 10 or you'll lose your titles" thing, so of course, they come back. DiBIase and Hogan are in the ring, so DiBiase chokes Hogan a whole lot. The last three minutes have been non-sense, and once the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM gets slapped on, we can make that five minutes of nearly nothing at all. Hogan doesn't power out or anything, but the referee gets taken out of the picture or something and Beefcake gives DiBiase a sleeper, getting him to break the hold. Beefcake tags in now with the referee alive and well, and he gives IRS a high knee. DiBiase gets atomic dropped out, but after Beefcake punches IRS, DiBiase comes in and hits Beefcake in the back with the briefcase. Mongo blatantly stole that gimmick, in case you were thinking about it. DiBiase rips Beefcake's mask off, so he can go to work. The referee gets bumped when Beefcake puts the sleeper on IRS, so Hogan's able to make his way in, un-impeded. Hogan hits both champions with Beefcake's mask and both pin the champions at 18:14 w/Jimmy Hart counting the fall...but the bell is rung, and the match is over. The Mega Maniacs celebrate like morons, but a new referee comes into the ring and raises Money Inc's hands. Haha. The champions try to hit the Maniacs after the match with their tag belts, but it doesn't do anything. Jimmy Hart tosses Danny Davis over the top, Hogan poses, and they give money from Money Inc's briefcase to the crowd. Whoop-de-doo. The crowd went nuts when Hogan had the money, that being the only positive thing to come out of this. Match Analysis: Like I said, this was the worst tag title match at WrestleMania. It was absolutely terrible. 18 minutes of fast-forward material for sure, and it's clear to see why. When Beefcake has to help carry a match, the match sucks. DUD. ___________________   For 24/7 viewers, now we're on Part 2. Todd Pettingill asks Natalie Cole a few questions, thankfully, that's just a fluff piece.   Now, Mr. Perfect has a promo, in which he gets his words confused with one another. Poor guy. ___________________   Mr. Perfect vs. LEX LUGER is next...   Blow-by-blow: One of my favorite characters, this version of Lex Luger. Too bad it didn't last. You'd figure that with some of the great matches Luger has had, this would be one of them, Hennig being a participant and all. Perfect gives Luger a kneelift and a dropkick, but Luger quickly responds with an elbow before Perfect takes him to the canvas. Perfect works on Luger's leg with a spinning toehold, but Luger makes it to the ropes. Perfect tries to kick away, but Luger sends Perfect to the corner and tosses him over the top. Luger gives Perfect a backbreaker on the inside for a 2 count, and when Perfect misses a charge to the corner, Luger covers him for 2 while putting his feet on the ropes. Luger gives Perfect a powerslam for 2, but Perfect responds with a sunset flip for 2. Perfect applies a sleeper, but Luger rams him right into the buckle. Perfect gives Luger an inside cradle for a 2 count, and a backdrop to boot. Perfect then gives Luger three clotheslines, which get a 2 count, and a swinging neckbreaker, which also gets 2. Perfect comes off the top with a missile dropkick for 2, but Luger pins Perfect with a backslide for a 3 count with Perfect's feet on the ropes at 10:56. That looked as weird as it sounded. Soon as the decision is announced, Luger gets up and hits Perfect with the LOADED FOREARM. Poor Perfect.   Match Analysis: Not good. Not good at all. Perfect did his best, but it just wasn't working for me, nor was it working for the live crowd. *. ___________________   After the match, Mr. Perfect heads to the back, obviously to fight Lex Luger. What he doesn't know is that Shawn Michaels is talking to Luger, and Michaels is not going to put up with Perfect's shit. Shawn beats down Perfect, until officials break it up. How embarassing.   Heenan and Savage nearly fight when talking about Luger's forearm, and then, Gorilla Monsoon hypes the rest of the show. And boy, do these matchups ever need the hype. ___________________   Giant Gonzales w/Harvey Wippleman vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer is our shitty match du-jour...   Blow-by-blow: Talk about a freakshow. Yeesh. Taker gets wheeled to the ring in a chariot of death or something, accompanied by a vulture. Both men have a staredown, and then they choke each other. Taker gives Gonzales OLD SCHOOL, but Gonzales comes back with a running clothesline. Gonzales selling is so funny...you just have to see it. Gonzales beels Taker before going to the chinlock, and then, he tosses Taker out of the ring. He rams Taker into the steel steps, and brings him back in, for a headbutt. Gonzales gets knocked down after a few Taker punches, and then Taker focuses his attention on Harvey Wippleman, who he chokes. Gonzales hits Paul Bearer, and smothers Taker with a chloroform soaked rag, for the DQ at 7:33. Gonzales gives Bill Alfonso a chokeslam, which causes the crowd to chant for Hulk Hogan. Thank God we never had an epic matchup between Hulk Hogan and Giant Gonzales. Taker gets taken to the back on a stretcher, he has risen from the dead, and he clotheslines Gonzales to the ground, causing Gonzales to leave.   Match Analysis: Not as bad as most would have you believe, but still. Horrendous angle, horrendous wrestling, selling, and everything else. My dad was laughing at Gonzales selling when he got home and watched part of the match, so yeah, it was that bad. -***. ___________________   Next we see a video of Hacksaw Jim Duggan getting destroyed by Yokozuna, and the contract signing of Bret vs. Yoko that's currently on 24/7. Hulk Hogan has an interview, and he talks about how the HULKAMANIACS ARE WITH BRET, BROTHER. He challenges either Bret or "the jap" to a match, and he guarantees that the title will be staying in the United States. Why, whatever does he mean?   Todd Pettingill's in the crowd, his teeth look rotten, and I couldn't even pay attention to what he said. ___________________   Bad matches have killed the crowd before the main event, which features Yokozuna taking on Bret Hart for the World Wrestling Federation Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Bret gives Yoko a dropkick right at the start, but his go-behind doesn't work, and Yoko gives him a shoulderblock. Bret catapults himself in from the outside and punches away, before going to the 2nd rope and giving Yoko a nice elbowdrop. Bret clotheslines Yoko twice although he can't put him down, but a Yoko clothesline in response ends Bret's little rally. Yoko slams Bert and gives him a big legdrop, before going to his favorite hold, the nerve hold. Bret takes Yokozuna to the canvas from the 2nd rope after a missed Yoko charge, but Yoko gives Bret a thrust kick and goes back to the nerve hold. Another Yoko missed charge comes, and Bret gives Yoko a bulldog from the 2nd rope, for a 2 count. A 2nd rope elbow from Bret follows for 2, and a clothesline from the 2nd does good work as well. Bret clotheslines Yoko to the canvas, and on a 10 punch, he rips the turnbuckle pad off. Bret rams Yoko into the exposed buckle and gives him the SHARPSHOOTER, but...Mr. Fuji throws powder or salt into Bret's face. That puts Bret down for the three count, at 8:56. Boo on that.   Hulk Hogan runs down to the ring, which gives Mr. Fuji the gall to issue a challenge. If Hogan wants to face his Yokozuna, they can do it, RIGHT NOW. Bret tells Hogan to accept, so Hogan jumps in the ring. Fuji misses a salt toss and blinds Yokozuna on accident, so our new champion is in trouble. Clothesline, DROP THE FUCKIN' LEG, pinfall and Hogan's a 5 time WWF Champion. Crowd goes nuts and Hogan poses to end the show. Really, when thinking about it, that was the only way to send the crowd home happy. The match didn't have a whole lot of heat, and Bret didn't get a huge reaction when entering the ring, so, I'm for it, now.   Match Analysis: I'm only rating the Bret/Yoko match. Simply put, a * affair. Terrible idea for a finish, much like the entire rest of the show. That's sad. I'm glad Yoko got the belt back, as for some reason, I thought he was a worthy champion. ___________________   Rating: Terrible. Simply put, the worst show I've watched in years. The only moments where a face got the better of the heels were when the Steiners won, and when Hogan beat Yoko. I don't think that the Maniacs got the better of Money Inc., because the heels held onto their gold. Can you believe that they were going to do Kamala vs. Bam Bam Bigelow as well? That would've made the show even worse.   Best Segment: HBK vs. Tatanka. By a fair margin the best match, but no finish makes this one taste sour.   Worst Segment: Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzales. Doink vs. Crush is close, for the utter stupidity of the referee possibly having brain damage or whatever it was. ___________________   RAW and Nitro from 6/23/97 are next.
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Review: WWF WrestleMania 2, from Chicago, Illinois; Long Island, NY; and Los Angeles, CA, 4/7/1986.

This isn't the best show as you all know, but like all others, it's going to be reviewed. ___________________   Gene Okerlund (now) introduces the show...and from New York, it's Vince McMahon and Susan St. James. America the Beautiful is sung by Ray Charles, and you can't say anything bad about that. Mean Gene says some things from Chicago, and before our first match, Roddy Piper has something to say about his boxing match against Mr. T. Nothing of note is said. ___________________   The first match on the card is Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco w/Mr. Fuji.   Blow-by-blow: These two have attributes which Vince loves. Big, and roided. Thus, they start the show off. Both say things via soundbyte at the beginning of the match, and here we go. Muraco and Orndorff slam each other, and after Orndorff's slam, he makes fun of Fuji's race. Cold. Muraco knees Orndorff and elbows him, but Orndorff whips Muraco into the buckle and backdrops him. An armdrag and drop toe-hold follow, as does an armbar. A Muraco armdrag doesn't break Orndorff's armbar, but a samoan drop does. They trade punches, and Orndorff gives Muraco an elbow. Both brawl to the outside, and we have a double countout at 4:33. Big "bullshit" chant follows, and yeah, those fans certainly have the right. This isn't a TV taping.   Match Analysis: Yeah, that was a terrible finish. Was going well until that point...*1/4.   Mr. T says that his fists are going to do the talking tonight, and now... ___________________   Here's George Steele vs. Macho Man Randy Savage w/Elizabeth for the Intercontinental Championship. But first, Randy Savage cuts a promo.   Blow-by-blow: To start, we have the typical beginning of match Steele nonsense. He chases Savage around the ring, and when back inside, he gives Savage a choketoss. He's infatuated with Liz, so Savage is able to take control. He gives Steele a crossbody off the top for a 2 count, so Steele dumps him to the outside. Macho sneaks in from the other side of the ring and attacks, but Steele bites him. Savage goes outside to grab some flowers, and after hitting Steele with them, Steele gets them and shoves them in Savage's face. Steele comes a little too close to Liz outside the ring, so Savage comes off the top with BOMBS AWAY. On the inside, he slams Steele and goes up to the top, coming off with the FLYING ELBOW. It only gets a 2 count (WTF?), so after a Steele missed charge, Savage covers him with his feet on the ropes for 3 at 7:08.   Match Analysis: Awful. Awful. Awful. On the basis of strictly wrestling, there were, uh, 6 wrestling moves, counting the rollup w/feet on ropes. Ain't good enough, and certainly worth negatives. -**. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Bill Fralic and Big John Studd in Chicago to talk about the battle royal, and of course, the two disagree on a few things. Back to New York we go... ___________________   For George Wells vs. Jake "the Snake" Roberts.   Blow-by-blow: Wells attacks Roberts to start the match, and backdrops him. Roberts tosses Wells out and fights him on the outside, until Wells tosses him back in. Wells shoulderblocks Roberts and headbutts him, then he whips him into the buckle. Wells gives him a flying headscissors, and a scoop slam. Wells gives Roberts a kneelift and powerslam, which gets a 2 count. Roberts bails to the outside, and when he comes back in, he gives Wells a kneelift. That's followed up by the DDT, for the 3 count at 3:07. Roberts takes Damien out of the bag, and puts him all over Wells. Gross.   Match Analysis: Simple Roberts squash. Nothing wrong there. *3/4. ___________________   There's some taped footage from the Mr. T/Roddy Piper feud, mostly featuring stuff that was in my last review.   Hulk Hogan's with Jesse Ventura in Los Angeles...yes, I marked to see Ventura interviewing Hogan. Hogan doesn't care about Jesse, BROTHER, only Bundy, BROTHER. ___________________   Howard Finkel is with a few celebrities, and with the use of wikipedia, I can tell you what all are famous for. Joan Rivers (obvious, don't need to say), is the guest ring announcer. The guest judges for this boxing match are Darryl Dawkins (basketball player), Cab Calloway (jazz singer), and G. Gordon Liddy (mastermind of first break-in during Watergate). The timekeeper is Herb (famous for some Burger King commercials). He's a nerd, you know.   Yeah, the match is Mr. T vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper in a boxing match. The wrestlers have Joe Frazier and Lou Duva in their corners, respectively. I'm going to save a ton of words, and use the fast-forward button. As we all know, Piper slams Mr. T with the referee down and gets disqualified. We can call this -*****. It's one of the worst matches I've ever seen. There's a postmatch brawl, and thankfully, this ends the worst portion of the show. ___________________   To Chicago we go, with Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund and Cathy Lee Crosby.   The first match on that portion of the card is Velvet McIntyre vs. Fabulous Moolah for the Ladies Title.   Blow-by-blow: Moolah snapmares McIntyre while pulling her hair, and clotheslines McIntyre as well. McIntyre comes back with two dropkicks and a back elbow, before a scoop slam. McIntyre goes up to the 2nd rope, but she misses a splash and Moolah pins her for 3 at the 58 second mark.   Match Analysis: *, standard fare, and too short to knock off or add to anyway. ___________________   The next bout was Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff w/Classy Freddie Blassie.   Blow-by-blow: Volkoff sings the Russian National Anthem, which I love. Unfortunately, he doesn't get pelted with trash. Kirchner's dubbed music is comical. Enough of that though, as Volkoff starts the bout with a spin kick. Volkoff tosses Kirchner out and bites him, before ramming him into the ringpost. Kirchner bleeds and they go back in the ring, where Kirchner makes his comeback. Kirchner pushes the referee, then grabs Blassie's cane and hits Volkoff with it. That gets the pinfall at 1:35.   Match Analysis: Sucked. Too short. 1/2*. ___________________   For the battle royal, I'll pull something out of an old file. I've reviewed it before.   From WrestleMania 2 in Chicago, we have a battle royal, and the participants are Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, Ted Arcidi, King Tonga, Hillbilly Jim, Big John Studd, Tony Atlas, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Danny Spivey, Pedro Morales, BRUNO Sammartino, the Iron Sheik, Jimbo Covert, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, Ernie Holmes, Harvey Martin, THE FRIDGE, and Andre the Giant.   This one really is impossible to review, unlike the one at the MSG show I reviewed a couple weeks ago (actually, it's been months, now). The total combined weight of the wrestlers involved...5,612 pounds. Yo. Order of elimination goes like this...Tonga, Covert, Holmes, Brunzell, Atlas, Morales, Martin, Arcidi (at this point, I notice that Fridge is wearing a thong. Gross.), Spivey, Blair and Hillbilly, Fralic, Sheik, Bruno, and then, it gets easier to review. Studd dumps Fridge, but Fridge pulls Studd out after a handshake. Bret, Francis, Neidhart and Andre are left, and a double dropkick by the Hart Foundation ties Andre up in the ropes, and then, Francis gets eliminated. Andre gives Bret a big boot, then rams the Harts heads into each other. Neidhart gets dumped, and then Andre press slams Bret to the floor, where he lands on Neidhart. Andre wins the battle royal, which was a given. 7/10, the uniqueness of having football players involved made it worth watching.   (P.S. I changed the rating to 7/10. Wasn't really as great as I first thought.) ___________________   The main event from Chicago is the British Bulldogs w/Captain Lou Albano and Ozzy Osbourne vs. The Dream Team w/Johnny V for the WWF Tag Titles. There is another referee on the outside, so no cheating.   Blow-by-blow: Davey and Valentine starts, with an elbow from Valentine. Valentine misses an elbowdrop, but he hiptosses Davey. Valentine misses a forearm, so Dynamite tags in. He rams Valentine into the buckle for a 2 count, and gives him a snap suplex. After an elbowdrop, Davey tags back in and gives Valentine a delayed vertical suplex, for a 2 count. Davey rams Valentine into the buckle, but Valentine comes back with an elbow and a headbutt below the belt, to put it kindly. Beefcake tags in and tries to work on Davey's arm, but Davey gives him a gorilla press slam. Dynamite tags in, and chops Beefcake for a 2 count. He cradles Beefcake for 2, and Davey tags in. Davey gives Beefcake a fisherman's suplex for 2, and then Valentine tags in. He comes off the top with a big chop, and gives Davey a suplex for 2. Valentine goes to a short chinlock, but Dynamite tags in and shouldercharges into Valentine for a 2 count. A double shoulderblock gets 2, as Beefcake breaks up the cover. Dynamite sunset-flips Valentine for 2, and gives him a backbreaker for 2. A kneedrop follows for 2, but Valentine comes back with a piledriver for 2. Gorilla Monsoon says that Ozzy is shaking at ringside...go figure. *Insert joke here* Valentine goes to the top, but Dynamite slams him off. The cover only gets one as they brawl, and Dynamite slams Valentine. Smith tries to gorilla press Dynamite onto Valentine, but Valentine gets out of the way. He clocks Dynamite from behind, but Davey tags in and gives Valentine the running powerslam for a 2 count. Davey suplexes Valentine for 2, but Valentine gains control when he rams Davey shoulder-first into the ringpost. Beefcake tags in and gives Davey a hammerlock, then he drops him on his head after raising him into the air. He rams Davey to the buckle, and tags in Valentine, who gives Davey a shoulderbreaker for 2. He pulls Davey up, but as Dynamite is perched on the top turnbuckle, Davey rams Valentine's head into Dynamite's, which gets the pinfall at 12:01. To say Dynamite took a huge bump down to the floor is an understatement. After the match, Davey, Ozzy and Lou Albano say a few things, basically how glad the Bulldogs are that they're champions, and that they'll stay around in the US to defend them.   Match Analysis: The one constant in all these good Dream Team matches is that Beefcake doesn't come in the match very much. I don't recall whether or not I said that before. I didn't think it was as good as the match from Saturday Night's Main Event. I would've given it ***1/2, but Dynamite's huge bump takes that up a notch. We're talking Mick Foley levels of bumpage there. ***3/4. ___________________   To Los Angeles we go, where Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira are on commentary.   The first match from LA is Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez.   Blow-by-blow: Lee Marshall is the ring announcer. That's weird. Hercules attacks at the start, and rams Steamboat into the buckle. Steamboat comes back with a few armdrags, and holds onto Hercules with an armbar. Steamboat gives Hercules another armdrag, and a few elbowdrops to boot. Steamboat gives Hercules a back elbow and suplex, but Hercules gains control after ramming Steamboat into the turnbuckle. Hercules gives Steamboat a BIG clothesline, and drops him throat-first on the top rope. Steamboat tries a slam, but Hercules falls on top of him for 2. Hercules gives Steamboat two elbowdrops, and then poses, before a cover that gets 2. Hercules clotheslines Steamboat for 2, and gives him two gorilla press slams, before going to the top. Hercules dives off and onto Steamboat's knees, so Steamboat goes up top and gives him a crossbody for the victory at 7:31.   Match Analysis: Pretty good stuff. This should've been the match to open the show in New York. **1/2. ___________________   Uncle Elmer (ugh) vs. Adrian Adonis w/Jimmy Hart is the next bout...   Blow-by-blow: At the start, the crowd chants "faggot" towards Adonis. I larfed. Adonis is wearing a dress, at least until Elmer tears it off. Adonis hugs Jimmy Hart after being chased, and back inside, Elmer attacks him. He tosses Adonis towards the buckle, and Adonis goes upside-down, over and out. Back in, and an Elmer right puts Adonis out. Now Elmer tears off Adonis' dress, and he slingshots Adonis into the ring. Adonis gets tied in the ropes and beaten up, at least until he's untied. He comes back in and Elmer gives him an AVALANCHE, but he misses a big legdrop. Adrian goes to the top and gives Elmer a big splash, which gets the victory at 3:01.   Match Analysis: Haven't seen anything better from Elmer, but this was all Adonis anyway. Elmer just stood there and punched once in a while. *1/2. ___________________   Lord Alfred Hayes is with Hulk Hogan, well you know somethin' AWFUL ALFRED, BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER I'M GONNA WHIP BUNDY BROTHER. ___________________   The next matchup is a good one, which has the Funk Brothers w/Jimmy Hart taking on the Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana.   Blow-by-blow: I'm not going to call Dory Funk "Hoss Funk." We'll just call him Dory. Terry throws a chair into the ring, but Dory and JYD are going to start the match. They lock-up, and Terry falls into the ring while trying to grab JYD, so JYD slams them both. The Funks bail, and when getting back in, it's Santana taking on Terry. Terry chops away, until Santana clotheslines him over the top rope. Santana dropkicks Dory a few times, until Terry gets back into the ring. JYD tags in, and rams Terry into the buckle a whole bunch. JYD headbutts Terry for a 2 count, and tosses him over the top rope after the cover. Dory and Santana come in, and Santana gives Dory the FLYING JALAPENO for 2. Santana and Dory do a criss-cross, at least until Terry knees Santana in the back. Terry tosses Tito out so Jimmy Hart can kick him, but eventually, JYD stops that. He chases Hart away and puts Santana back in the ring, where Terry suplexes him for a 2 count. The referee pushes Terry when Terry gets a little rude, and we have a double collision. Dory comes in and gives Santana a double underhook suplex for 2, and Terry tags back in. A double clothesline and legdrop follows, for a 2 count. Terry misses a second legdrop, which allows JYD to tag in. He cleans house, until Terry chokes him with the tag rope. JYD backdrops Terry to the floor (GIANT BUMP), and then he slams him through a table. WHOA. JYD clocks Hart, as Santana puts the FIGURE-FOUR LEGLOCK on Dory, but Terry wallops JYD upside his head with the megaphone. Obviously, that allows him to get the pinfall, and the time was 11:43.   Match Analysis: Hell yes. That was fun. On most other shows, this is the best tag match. On most, but on this one, no. Still great. ***1/4. ___________________   Before the main event, there's a Bundy/Hogan feud recap. Hogan's lifting weights and talking to MEAN GENE, but afterward, we have another promo....   It's King Kong Bundy and Bobby Heenan, who are talking to Jesse Ventura. Routine "I am the next WWF Champ" stuff. ___________________   Yeah, the last match on the card is King Kong Bundy w/Bobby Heenan vs. Hulk Hogan in a STEEL CAGE match for the WWF Championship. Tommy Lasorda is your ring announcer, and who cares about the rest.   Blow-by-blow: Hogan attacks and chokes King Kong Bundy with the strap on his ring attire, before ramming Bundy into the cage. Hogan clotheslines Bundy and hits him with a running elbow, so Bundy goes to Hogan's injured ribs. Bundy slams Hogan and puts his boot in his face, before going for the cage door. He can't make it out, so instead, he slams Hogan into the cage. Back to the door he goes, but he can't make it out. Bundy un-tapes Hogan's ribs, and chokes him with the tape. Bundy ties Hogan in the ropes with the tape, but he can't make it out the door, as Hogan pulls him back in. Hogan takes Bundy to the buckle and gives him a back elbow, then he rams Bundy into the cage. Bundy bleeds as Heenan covers up his forehead, and Hogan punches away. Hogan rakes Bundy's back, before ramming him into the cage two more times. He tries to slam Bundy, but Bundy falls on top of him. The door's open, but Bundy can't make it over. Hogan tries to choke him with the tape, but Bundy gives him an eye gouge. He takes Hogan to the corner, and gives him the AVALANCHE. A BIG SPLASH and another AVALANCHE follows, and now, time to HULK UP BROTHER. Powerslam, DROP THE FUCKIN' LEG, over the top of the cage and out, after knocking Bundy back down to the canvas, at 10:17. Heenan's stuck inside the cage, then Hogan comes in and tosses him into the cage. End of show, with Hogan posing.   Match Analysis: A standard cage match to be sure, but for some reason, I enjoy this even more the more often I see it. **1/4. Sloppy bladejob from Bundy takes it down a bit. ___________________   Rating: Bad. I have to change my standards for terrible. We'll make it 2 negative star matches and nothing at or over ***. If there are 3 negative star matches, we'll say nothing at or over ***1/2 gets a terrible rating. Anyway, this is probably the 3rd worst WrestleMania. I think 9 and 15 are the only ones which are worse.   Best Segment: The British Bulldogs vs. The Dream Team.   Worst Segment: The "boxing" match. ___________________   RAW and Nitro from 6/16/97 will be up next.
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Review: WWF Survivor Series 1995, from Landover, MD, 11/19/1995.

I lied. No ECW just yet, I felt like getting this one out of the way. Let me say, it was a great decision to watch this. ___________________   Vince, MR. PERFECT, and Jim Ross are on commentary, and in case you missed it, Perfect was introduced before the show. This is Survivor Series 1995, also known as "shitty gimmicks galore."   The first match of the night is Marty Jannetty, Hakushi, Barry Horowitz and Bob Holly (The Underdogs) vs. Tom Prichard, Skip, Rad Radford (Louie Spicolli), and the 1-2-3 Kid w/Ted DiBiase and Sunny.   Blow-by-blow: Before the match, during Kid's entrance, he gives the Kliq sign. The things I notice now...anyhow, Razor Ramon tries to attack the Kid, and we see why, as during a Razor v. Sid match on RAW, Kid was the special referee, and fast counted Razor. Prichard and Jannetty get the action going, and Jannetty just runs over to the heels corner and hits everyone. Prichard hits the Kid on accident, and gets backdroped by Jannetty. Radford and Holly tag in, at which point Holly shoulderblocks Radford, then gives Radford a hurricanrana. Well, that's a move I've never seen Holly do. Radford tries to do the same, but gets powerbombed by Holly. Holly slams Radford and legdrops him after an armdrag, then tags in Hakushi. Hakushi gets spinebustered though, and Radford tags in the Kid. Kid gets a splash off the top rope for 2, and does a spinning kick, much in the fashion that he's always done. Skip tags in and tries to give Hakushi a back suplex from the top rope, but Hakushi reverses it into a crossbody. He tags in Holly, who gets a backdrop, but Prichard tags in as well. Prichard gives Holly a gutwrench powerbomb for 2, then slams him afterward. Prichard goes up to the top, but misses his moonsault. Holly comes off the top after tagging in, and gives Prichard a crossbody, which eliminates Prichard at 5:39.   Skip comes in quickly, and rolls up Holly at 5:45, eliminating him. That was fast.   Hakushi comes in with a few rolling kicks(!), but misses a pump splash out of the corner. Skip gives Hakushi a frankensteiner off the TOP ROPE, but he's hurt, so both men are down. These guys are doing some crazy shit tonight. Kid comes in, but is given a springboard elbow, just like the Great Muta's. Hakushi goes up top, and gets a flying shoulderblock for 2. Hakushi slams the Kid, but misses his slingshot flying headbutt. Radford tags in, and Kid kicks Hakushi in the back of the head, which leads to a Radford pinfall at 8:32.   Barry Horowitz comes into the ring for the first time during the match, and the crowd goes nuts. I guess I never really realized how over he was. Kid comes back in again, and he and Radford gives Barry a double back elbow. Kid suplexes Horowitz, and kicks him a few times. Radford comes in and gets a gutwrench suplex for 2, but once Horowitz gets up, Horowitz gives Radford a jawbreaker. A Radford clothesline gets 2, but he doesn't let the referee finish the count, picking Horowitz up at 2. Radford headbutts Horowitz in the nuts, then does the Mr. Perfect-ish neck snap. Funny that Perfect is at ringside, isn't it. Radford gets a northern lights suplex for 2, then starts doing some pushups. Too bad for him, Horowitz rolls him up out of nowhere, and eliminates Radford at 11:47. Heh.   Skip comes in, and Horowitz gives him a hiptoss. Kid tags in, and gives Horowitz a legdrop, leading to the pin at 12:47. Marty, Skip and Kid are the only ones left.   Marty tries a german suplex after Skip misses a charge towards the corner, but he can't get it. Marty rolls through a powerbomb attempt and gets 2, then gives Skip a ROCKER DROPPER. Marty goes up top, but Sunny shakes the ropes, leading to Jannetty being crotched on the top rope. In a strange finish, Marty SUPERBOMBS Skip, leading to Skip being pinned at 15:24. Two things. One, I would never let Marty freakin' Jannetty give me that move. Ever. Two, this move, in the WWF? Goodness.   Kid gives Marty a legdrop from the top rope for 2 as he comes in, and a running dropkick. Kid slams Marty, then goes up top, but misses a rolling senton. Marty gets a dropkick for 2, as Psycho Sid makes his way to the ring. Well, we know who's gonna win the match, if there was any doubt to begin with. Marty gives Kid a facesmash, and a ROCKER DROPPER for 2. Kid grabs the ropes on the pinfall, as DiBiase gets on the ring apron. Sid comes up from behind, now that the referee is distracted, and drops Marty along the top rope, which leads to the pinfall and the win for the 1-2-3 Kid, at 19:07. Finish was crap.   Survivor: The 1-2-3 Kid.   Match Analysis: Yeah, the finish was junk, but the rest of the match was awesome. I've watched a lot of the Survivor Series', and this is likely my favorite elimination match of the bunch. ****1/4, the crap finish to the match deducts a 1/4. But it was still awesome, and well worth watching. Not surprising, given the workers involved. Not a single bad one in the match.   Razor's reaction to Kid winning the match is shown, he pretty much wrecks all the shit in the lockerroom, as for some reason he was with the Undertaker's team. Henry Godwinn's his boy, yo. ___________________   Todd Pettingill's with Owen Hart, Yokozuna and Dean Douglas, who along with Razor Ramon will be part of the Wildcard match later on.   Michael Hayes promotes the Survivor Series 1995 t-shirt, and honestly, this embarasses the shit out of me. They've got him running around under the Dok Hendrix name, promoting their bullshit. Makes me feel weird.   Bertha Faye, Aja Kong, Lioness Asuka, and Tomoko Watanabe w/Harvey Wippleman vs. (WWF Women's Champion) Alundra Blayze, Kyoko Inoue, Sakie Hasegawa, and Chaparita Asari was the next match, and honestly, I can't review it. I have a really hard time reviewing multi-man matches with people that aren't established by the announce team, if you haven't noticed. They need to help a brotha out. That's what they're for, right? Otherwise they're useless. Singles matches are no problem, I can catch on quickly, but a 6 or 8 man tag? No can do. Anyway, the match finished at 10:01, with AJA KONG as the sole survivor, after pinning Blayze with a Shonie Carter-esque spinning backfist. She was made to be the "monster" of the match, and with good reason. Her offense was rough. One of the women hit a SKY TWISTER PRESS, which is just awesome. Match was **, I felt like one or two finishes were screwed up, and the crowd wasn't ready for it.   Survivor: Aja Kong. ___________________   Todd Pettingill is with the Bill Clinton impersonator, and when Bam Bam Bigelow's pyro goes off, his "secret service" agents dive on top of him, making him take over. Fucking lame.   Finally, we get a regular match, Goldust vs. Bam Bam Bigelow.   Blow-by-blow: Goldust's entrance takes way too fucking long. WAY. Goldust starts the match with a few right hands and a thrust to the throat of Bigelow, then chokes Bam Bam in the corner. Goldust bails out of the ring after a Bigelow Irish whip, and slaps Bigelow when he comes back in. Bigelow gives him a dropkick, and on the outside, Goldust misses a clothesline, ramming himself into the ringpost. Inside, and just as they get in, Goldust clotheslines Bigelow over the top rope. What's the point of that? Inside, Goldust gets headbutted, then comes back with a kneelift. Goldust goes to a front facelock, and then tosses Bigelow over the top rope. He rams Bigelow into the steps and brings him back in, but Bigelow gives him a back suplex. He goes for a falling headbutt, but misses it. Goldust practically humps the guy on a cover, that only gets a 2 count. Goldust goes to the chinlock, but changes strategy and gives Bigelow a head vice instead. Bam Bam puts him on his shoulders and drops him, but Goldust comes back with a clothesline. He's not selling anything. A kneedrop gets 2, and we go back to the chinlock, at which point Bigelow goes Gene Okerlund, meaning "FUCK IT," and gives Goldust another back suplex. A clothesline gets 2, and on an Irish whip to the turnbuckle, Goldie fucks it up and falls down once hitting the buckle. He gets back up and walks over to the buckle (which is so business exposing it's ludicrous), and then Bigelow misses a charge, so Goldust gives Bigelow a bulldog which gets the 3 count at 8:19.   Match Analysis: This was all over the place. Junk that had no flow, and I probably wouldn't watch it again. DUD. Really disappointing, but expected, given that this was Bigelow's last match with the company. ___________________   "Clinton" tells Bob Backlund he should run for President, and Backlund can't even make it through his lines without stuttering. That's supposed to be the first sign you shouldn't be doing that segment. As we move to what could be even worse... ___________________   We have the Darkside: The Undertaker, Savio Vega, Henry Godwinn and FATU w/Paul Bearer and a bucket of slop vs. The Royals: Jerry "the King" Lawler, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Issac Yankem D.D.S., and King Mabel w/Sir Mo. IMO, this is the worst collection of gimmicks in any Survivor Series match, outside of the midget match the year before. Prior to the match, we take a look back at King of the Ring 1995 (:shudder:), when Mabel won the King of the Ring after interference from Kama, against Taker. After that, we go to a RAW which took place a month ago, when Mabel broke Taker's face. Taker has this Phantom of the Opera thing goin', and I sorta like it. Fits with the ridiculousness of a lot of things on this show.   Blow-by-blow: FATU and Helmsley start the match, and Helmsley does that gay courtsey of his. Since Fatu's makin' a difference, he does the same thing, but only to make fun of Helmsley's. For the children. Fatu gives Helmsley a backdrop, but after a few Helmsley right hands, he tries the PEDIGREE. Doesn't do it though, as he looks over and sees Taker starting him down. After all, Helmsley was standing right next to him. Godwinn and Lawler tag in, but Lawler doesn't want to fight. He tags in his lackey, Yankem, and Godwinn hiptosses the guy. Godwinn bodyslams him and gives him an elbowdrop, but after ramming him into the buckle, Yankem comes back with a back suplex. Helmsley tags in, and chokes Godwinn, as the commentators note Helmsley's undefeated streak in singles competition thus far in the World Wrestling Federation. Helmsley gets a high knee for 2, but gets press slammed as Godwinn gets in some offense. He squeals like a pig, then tags in Vega, while Helmsley tags in Lawler. Vega does this gay dance after a hiptoss, then Lawler does one which is equally as dumb. Vega gives him a dropkick, then tags in Fatu. He rams Lawler's head into the turnbuckle 10 times, but gets kneed by Yankem. Lawler gives Fatu a fistdrop, then tags in Yankem, who slams Fatu and legdrops him. MABEL finally comes in, but misses an avalanche. Vega comes in, but gets slammed by Mabel in Bossman Slam fashion. Mabel gives him a belly-to-belly throw, as in, he threw Vega the whole way across the ring like that. Yankem tags in with a dropkick, and applies a nerve hold. Like I said in the Survivor Series 90 review, that shit DOES NOT BELONG in these matches. Mabel and Yankem choke Vega, and Helmsley comes in with a kneedrop for 2. Mabel clotheslines Vega while Mabel's standing on the apron, and tags Lawler in. He piledrives Vega, but only gets a 2 count. That was a bit of a surprise. Helmsley comes in, and HITS ROCK BOTTOM, courtesy of Savio Vega. I never thought I'd see Vega do that move. Lawler tags in and piledrives Vega again, but Vega no-sells it, and FINALLY, the Undertaker will enter the ring. That no-sell was fucking dumb. He chokes Lawler, and Lawler attempts to make a tag, but there isn't a single guy willing to get in. A TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER from Taker finishes the King at 12:18. Kinda figured he'd be the first to go.   Yankem comes in and does nothing, before Taker gives him a flying clothesline. TOMBSTONE, see you later at 12:50.   Helmsley acts like he's going to leave, but Godwinn grabs the slop bucket, forcing Helmsley to make a tough decision. Since Helmsley's a blueblood, he'll take the asskickin'. He gets chokeslammed in, and pinned by Taker at 13:35.   Mabel's the only heel left, and he gives Taker a belly-to-belly, along with a legdrop. Mabel dances, but Taker sits up. I forgot to mention two things. One, Mabel was carried to the ring, and was nearly dropped. If you look at the carrier on the right side of the screen, he's having such a hard time that he looks as if he's shitting his pants. Two, Mabel's sporting an UGLY mohawk. Well, the guy's ugly, so it's no surprise his mohawk is the same. Mo attacks Taker as the referee is distracted, and Mabel just leaves, at 14:24. Taker chokeslams him, but Mo no-sells it and leaves. Bet that pissed someone off.   Survivors: Savio Vega, The Undertaker, Fatu and Henry Godwinn. You mean to tell me one of those couldn't do a job?   Match Analysis: Booking was funny, but it fit. Taker should have been the one to take care of the heels, I'm not complaining. It's a little thing, but the nervehold bugged me, even though the match was shitty. 3/4*, and I'm probably being kind. These matches have action, but it isn't always good action. This show has way too many dead people on it, but none of them played any part in this match. Weird. Anyway, onto part 2, which definitely will be on this review. Just wanted to show where part 1 ends, is all. ___________________   Finally, the Wildcard match. This is an idea which definitely needs to be repeated. But first...   Bret Hart with a promo about his match later vs. Diesel...   Diesel returns the favor with one of his own...   Lastly, we have a promo with Shawn Michaels' team, and Cornette seems to be playing both sides. He was in the interviews with each team. ___________________   Speaking of the Wildcard match, it's Shawn Michaels, the British Bulldog, Psycho Sid, and Ahmed Johnson w/Jim Cornette and Ted DiBiase vs. Yokozuna, Owen Hart, Dean Douglas and (WWF Intercontinental Champion) Razor Ramon w/Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette. Like I said, Corny's playing both sides. Not only that, but Yoko is the fattest I've ever seen him. Note that I've hardly watched anything WWF from 1996, and what I have watched didn't have Yoko involved.   Blow-by-blow: HBK and Owen start the match, with HBK getting a shoulderblock. Owen gives him a hiptoss and tries to throw HBK out, but HBK skins the cat and gives Owen a headscissor out. Cornette swings his tennis racket at HBK, but HBK grabs it and hits Corny on the ass with it. Owen gives him a belly-to-belly suplex on the inside, then tags in Douglas. He gives HBK a delayed suplex, but Shawn puts Dean hard into the buckle, and gives Dean a flying forearm. An axhandle from the top rope gets 2, but after a missed charge to the buckle, he gets slammed by Douglas, who goes up for a pump splash, and misses. HBK gets a moonsault block for 2, then tags in Ahmed. Ahmed tries to slam Yokozuna, but can't do it. He gets scratched on the back, then Yoko tags in Douglas again. To the chinlock we go, but Dean breaks the hold and tags in Owen instead. Owen chokes Ahmed, and Ramon goes to work on him, then Dean tags in. Ahmed gets a powerslam, then slams HBK onto Douglas, which gets 2. Douglas avoids SWEET CHIN MUSIC, and on the outside, Douglas and Razor get into an argument. Douglas gets in the ring as Ramon is on the apron, and Ramon belts him, leading to Shawn rolling Douglas up at 7:29, so Douglas is gone.   Bulldog and Owen are in, and they fight, despite being managed by Cornette. Bulldog gives Owen a monkeyflip, and then Owen gives Bulldog a spinning leg lariat. Yoko's laughing on the ring apron for some reason, as HBK tags back in, along with Razor. They play up the "we don't fight unless there's ladders involved" thing, and Razor clotheslines him, prior to HBK doing the flying forearm and kipping up. Razor gives HBK the RAZOR'S EDGE, seemingly out of nowhere, but Ahmed breaks up the pin attempt. Razor gives Shawn a kneelift, and after an Irish whip, both wrestlers collide in the center of the ring. Sid finally comes in, and beats Razor up a little bit, but Yoko comes in to help Razor out. Razor and Sid clothesline each other, but Sid goes up to the top rope after, and gets slammed off by Razor, which gets a 2 count. Kick, punch sequence follows, and Sid gives Razor a 1 handed chokeslam, and calls for the powerbomb. He tags Shawn instead, who gives Sid a SWEET CHIN MUSIC on accident. Razor gets two, because Bulldog overjumps his cue and runs in on Razor too quickly. Razor then pins Sid again, and gets 3, at 16:19. Should have done another move to Sid after the pin breakup, as it was, it looked like shit and was business exposing.   Bulldog runs in now, and beats up Razor, which distracts the referee from seeing Sid POWERBOMB HBK. Owen comes in and gives Bulldog a backbreaker and backdrop, then tags Yokozuna. He puts Shawn into the corner, where Shawn does that flip of his. Yoko gives Shawn a nerve hold, and considering that it's Yoko, I'll deal with it. Owen comes in and along with Yoko, both headbutt Shawn, then Owen gives him a suplex. Up top, but Owen misses a diving headbutt. Ahmed gets the hot tag, and he's a house of fire. Quickly as he gets in, he gives Owen the PEARL RIVER PLUNGE, which eliminates Owen at 21:47.   Razor comes in with a bulldog, and the spot gets screwed up a little, as Razor had to chase him down, like Ahmed wasn't paying attention. Ahmed gets a spinebuster after catching Razor unawares, then taunts him on the 2nd turnbuckle. Well, Razor gets up quickly, and gives Ahmed a RAZOR'S EDGE off the 2nd turnbuckle. Bulldog attacks Razor though, so no cover is registered. Ahmed tagged Bulldog while up in the RAZOR'S EDGE, so Bulldog's able to stay in. Sid and the 1-2-3 Kid make their way back to the ring, in case you didn't know, Sid is pretty much Ted DiBiase's bodyguard. Razor gives Bulldog a fall-away slam, but Kid trips Razor, and Bulldog powerslams Razor, eliminating him at 24:07.   Yoko's the only one left, and he pokes HBK in the eye. He slams and legdrops Yoko, so Yoko goes for the BANZAI!!! He misses, and Ahmed comes in, who slams Yokozuna. Bulldog breaks the pin up, because Yoko's his buddy, so Ahmed and HBK clothesline Bulldog out of the ring. HBK gives Yoko the SWEET CHIN MUSIC, and Ahmed finishes the bout with a big splash on Yoko for 3 at 27:23. The crowd goes banana, as Ahmed and HBK celebrate. Bulldog's celebrating too, and it looked so awkward. Funny, at that.   Survivors: Ahmed Johnson, Shawn Michaels, and the British Bulldog   Match Analysis: Weird, but unique. Most of all, fun. I liked that everyone jobbed, and we didn't get any bullshit DQ or countout finishes. ***1/2, and the concept should definitely be revisited. Funny to see faces face faces and heels face heels. I liked what the WWF was doing with Sid right here, although I don't know particularly where it led. Didn't Sid break his leg during a softball game, so the whole thing was dropped? The angle with Shawn passing out happened the next night, btw. ___________________   Pettingill's with "Clinton" AGAIN, and this time, Sunny's sitting on his lap. I guess it was a little funny.   Pictures from KotR 94, and Rumble 1995, the only times Bret has been given the powerbomb by Diesel. ___________________   Now, the main event, for the WWF Championship. The challenger is none other than Bret "the Hitman" Hart vs. the Champion, Diesel. He's Diesel powered, you know.   Blow-by-blow: Both Diesel and Bret untie a turnbuckle pad at the beginning of the match, Diesel was seemingly doing it to psych Bret out, but now that Bret did it too, not psyched out, I guess. Bret puts Diesel into the buckle, but Diesel comes back with a few knees and right hands. Bret goes to the outside, making Diesel chase him, and Diesel complies. He drops Bret on the guardrail, then rams him into the apron. Diesel chokes Bret with his boot, then gets back in the ring. Bret starts kicking Diesel in the knee, but Diesel hits him a few times, getting him to stop. He tosses Bret out of the ring, and whips him into the steps, then rams him into the post. Diesel gets a chair, and hits Bret with it. It has a padded cushion on it, so it's not too violent looking. Rather lame, at that. On the inside, Diesel clotheslines Bret and calls for the jackknife, but he can't get it, cause Bret holds onto his leg. Bret bites him, and rakes the nose of Diesel, while being on Diesel's back. He attacks Diesel's knee, and elbows it a few times. He jumps on it, while it's draped on the bottom rope, and applies the figure-four leglock. Diesel reaches the ropes, but now Bret tries to go for the SHARPSHOOTER. Diesel kicks Bret in the face, so that's the end of that, also, Bret's head hit the exposed turnbuckle as he fell back. Bret rams Diesel's knee into the post after avoiding a charge from Diesel, and Bret applies a leg grapevine, in which he uses a television cord to tie Diesel's leg around the ringpost. Smooth move. Bret clotheslines Diesel from the top rope, cause Diesel can't avoid it. Bret goes to get a chair, but Diesel gives him a big boot. Diesel can't reach the chair, though, so Bret gets to take a few shots at him, to the back and to the knee. Bret gives him an elbowdrop and backbreaker, then goes up top with the chair. He gets crotched though, and slammed off by Diesel. Diesel unties himself, then chokes Bret with the cord. Diesel gives Bret a sidewalk slam, then whips Bret into the exposed buckle, while Bret runs 100 mph into the post. Diesel's selling the leg well, by limping of course, and he jumps on Bret with Bret draped over the 2nd rope. Diesel limps to the corner and gives Bret SNAKE EYES, then tries it again at the exposed buckle, but Bret rams Diesel into the buckle instead. Bret gets a clothesline for 2, and a bulldog from the top rope for 2. A russian legsweep gets 2, and then, he clotheslines Diesel over the top rope. Bret misses a plancha, and when Bret tries to get into the ring from the ring apron, Diesel pushes him off of it and through the Spanish announce table. Back in, and Diesel goes for the jackknife...but he can't pick Bret up. Obviously, Bret feels like a sack of shit. Well, Bret's FAKING INJURY, and rolls Diesel up for the win and his THIRD WWF TITLE, at 24:32.   Diesel's really pissed off about that, so he jackknifes Bret after the match. He hits all the officials that run in, and jackknifes Bret a second time. He tosses the belt to Bret, and yells, "I'M BACK!" Sure you are.   Match Analysis: I really liked the psychology of the match and Diesel's selling, but it started out awfully slow. Is it as good as Flair/Vader? No, I don't think that it is. I liked Diesel's match with Shawn at a later IYH more than this, so this isn't his best, IMO. Well, Flair vs. Vader is my standard for ****1/2 matches, so everything has to be as good or better than that to get a rating above, so I'll go a rung lower and give it ****1/4. I have the Bret DVD, but for some reason, I've never watched it. Dunno why, really.   Show's over. ___________________   Rating: Excellent. I might catch flack for this, but this is one of the best WWF PPV's, from top to bottom. Lot of action, although there were a lot of shitty gimmicks too. I know how shitty the "New Generation" was, but with in-ring quality like this, a majority of the shows are at least worth a look see. By majority, I don't mean a show like King of the Ring '95.   Best Match: Bret Hart vs. Diesel.   Worst Match: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Goldust. Sucked the meat missile, I'm afraid.   Loudest Sound: HBK, Razor Ramon, the 1-2-3 Kid and the Undertaker.   No Sound: Almost the entirety of the women in their match, and Bob Holly. Poor Bob. ___________________   Anyway, PTW has to come soon. Don't know when, but soon.
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Review: WWF Survivor Series 1994, from San Antonio, TX, 11/23/1994.

Like I said....but this one was a hard one to finish. Very long. ___________________   The beginning of the show starts with the Survivor Series teams gameplanning (that a word?) for their respective teams...Gorilla Monsoon and Vince McMahon are on commentary. That won't be good.   The first match is the Teamsters: (WWF Tag Team Champion) Diesel, (WWF Tag Team Champion) Shawn Michaels, "Double J" Jeff Jarrett, Jim the Anvil Neidhart, and "The King of Harts" Owen Hart vs. Da Bad Guys: (WWF Intercontinental Champion) Razor Ramon, The 1-2-3 Kid, the British Bulldog, Fatu, and Sionne (The Barbarian)w/Captain Lou Albano and Afa.   Blow-by-blow: For some reason, the Headshrinkers are wearing boots. This will come into play later. Seemingly, fireworks just came out of HBK's shoulderpads. WHOA, DUDE. Both teams won't leave the ring for quite a while, but Kid and Owen start the match. Fatu's having problems with his boots, as Neidhart comes in instead. He gives Kid a shoulderblock, but Kid comes back with a dropkick. Neidhart gives him another shoulderblock, and tags in Jarrett. Jarrett avoids a charge to the corner, and Kid gives him a spin kick. Jarrett misses a sunset flip, and Kid covers him for 2, and then tags in Sionne. I don't know why Samu ever left, so... Anyhow, Sionne gives Jarrett a press slam, and charges into the corner, but Jarrett gets his feet up. He goes up top for a clothesline, and gets in, but only getss a 2 count. Owen tags in, as does Bulldog, and they both trade the armwringer sequence that Owen likes to do, with the kip-up and all. Bulldog slingshots Owen into his teams corner, and they all take their turn at beating up Owen. The crowd liked that. Bulldog gives him a press slam, but gets enziguri'd by Owen afterward. Owen and Neidhart gives Bulldog a clothesline, as Anvil tags in, and Anvil pulls on Bulldog's hair for a bit. Bulldog clotheslines both Owen and Neidhart, then gives Neidhart a delayed vertical suplex. Fatu tags in, and gets a headbutt off the top rope, but the boot bothers him, keeping him from making the pin. Because Fatu's wild, see. Anyway, Fatu gets a powerslam, then tags in Razor Ramon. Jarrett gives Razor an armdrag, then struts, and then takes him down, and gives him some paintbrush type slaps on the head. Razor comes back with a clothesline, and then gives Jarrett another, putting him over the top and to the floor. Razor gives him a fallaway slam on the inside, then tags in Kid, and fallaway slams him onto Jarrett for 2. Jarrett applies an abdominal stretch, but Kid reverses, and Jarrett reverses that, tossing Kid out to the floor. Jarrett tries to suplex Kid in, but can't, so Kid takes his legs out, and tags in Fatu. Owen tags in and gives Fatu a spinning leg lariat for 2, then rams Fatu into the buckle. Cause he's Samoan, that does nothing. Owen gives him a DDT, which doesn't do anything either, so Fatu gives him a superkick. Diesel comes in off the tag and turns Fatu inside out with a clothesline, then gives him the JACKKNIFE for the 3 count at 13:31.   That was fast. Kid gives him a sunset flip off the top, but can't get Diesel to the canvas, so Diesel picks him up by the neck, throws him, then gives him the JACKKNIFE for 2 at 14:12.   Sionne comes in, and gets a JACKKNIFE from Diesel at 14:44. Yeesh.   Bulldog comes in, and Diesel gives him a big boot to put him outside, then Owen, Jarrett and Neidhart keep him from getting back to the ring, counting Bulldog out at 15:02.   Razor rolls up Diesel, but only gets 2. He's the only one left, you know? Razor gives Diesel a bulldog off the top after a missed charge, but HBK breaks the cover up. Diesel gives Razor Snake Eyes, as the crowd's been going nuts pretty much for the duration of the match. Diesel tries to do it again, but can't, so Razor slams him and calls for the RAZOR'S EDGE. Diesel counters with a backdrop, and gets the big boot. Diesel gives Razor the JACKKNIFE, then HBK tells Diesel to hold up Razor for SWEET CHIN MUSIC. HBK hasn't tagged in yet, if you couldn't tell. HBK gives SCM to Diesel on accident, so Diesel's pissed at HBK. He chases HBK to the back, and hits all of his teammates on the way there. All the Teamsters get counted out at 21:46...as we go to Todd Pettingill in the match. He's with a frantic HBK, who's trying to leave the arena. Well, he gets in his car and leaves, but not before throwing his tag team belt on the ground. Guess the title is vacated.   Survivor: Razor Ramon.   Match Analysis: Good booking. Can't think of much else to say, it was a good way to establish Diesel as being unstoppable, justifying him getting a title shot and winning. I liked it, but there was a lot going on. Almost too much, really. ***1/4. ___________________   Great, just what I was looking forward to. It's the Royal Family: Jerry the King Lawler, Queazy, Sleazy and Cheezy vs. Clowns R Us: Doink, Dink, Wink and Pink. Save us all.   Blow-by-blow: Doink starts the match with an enziguri, and Lawler tries to do the same, but can't. All the Doinks run over Lawler as Lawler's on the canvas, and Lawler's team does the same. Please stop. Lawler puts Doink down, and Lawler's midgets try to run over Doink, but trip and fall. Doink slams Lawler three times, and all Doink's midgets pin Lawler, but they're not legal in the match, so no count. Lawler slams Doink, and his midgets do the same, but he tosses them away. This shit is not funny at all. Dink runs in and puts a Burger King crown on Lawler, so Sleazy comes in, and we have a chickenfight. Anyway, Sleazy tries to put Lawler on his shoulders, but falls, putting Lawler flat on his face. Dink headbutts Cheezy, and the midgets do a criss-cross sequence. Doink's team runs Lawler's over...then Lawler grabs a foreign object out of his trunks, and hits Doink with it. All Lawler's team chokes Doink, but Doink rams Lawler into them. Doink gets a hiptoss, then Doink's team chases Lawler's around the ring apron, but Doink goes for a springboard crossbody, which gets reversed by Lawler after grabbing the tights, for Doink's elimination at 10:32.   Queazy and Dink tag in, and they both trade biting each other on the ass. Then Dink bites Lawler on the ass, as Wink and Cheezy tag in. Wink grabs Cheezy's beard and tags in Dink, who comes in with an axhandle off the top, and a monkeyflip, but Queazy covers Wink with his feet on the ropes at 13:06. Came out of nowhere.   Nothing happens for a minute, pretty much, until Lawler slams Cheezy on Wink for a 3 count at 14:27.   Dink gets a suplex as he comes in, and gives Cheezy and Queazy a double noggin-knocker. Dink goes up top for a CROSSBODY, but Lawler breaks the cover, and Queazy distracts the referee, so Sleazy can reverse the pinfall for the win at 16:03.   Survivors: The entire team of the Royal Family.   After the match, all Lawler's midgets chase Lawler outside of the ring, after Lawler said he hated short people, and then Doink's midgets came out from under the ring, cornered Lawler, and chased him down the aisle, at which point he turned around and Doink threw a pumpkin pie in his face. Wow.   Match Analysis: I think this may have been the worst comedy match I've ever watched. Why'd the scene after the match have to be so long? I've seen worse matches, all of them being ones that were supposed to be serious. But no comedy match this bad, ever. Wish I'd have been spared. -*****. ___________________   This next match is for the World Wrestling Federation Title, and basically, the only reason I wanted to watch this show in the first place. It's a submission match, and the wrestlers second has to throw the towel in, in order for them to lose. Simple, right? The challenger is Bob Backlund w/Owen Hart, and the champion is Bret Hart w/the British Bulldog. Backlund's crossface-chickenwing was portrayed as a death move on TV leading up to this match. Not only that, but in the age of entrance music being a big thing...Backlund doesn't have any.   Blow-by-blow: Bret Hart's family is there, of course, but in a moment that's a little strange...Helen and Stu are down at ringside, while the rest of Bret's family is upstairs, in a premium seating area, or so it would seem. Hart slams Backlund at the beginning, and gives Backlund a hiptoss. He armdrags Backlund out to the floor, and on the inside, headbutts him. Backlund bails again, but Bulldog puts him back into the ring. Hart slams Backlund and gives him a bulldog, and holds onto the headlock. While doing so, Backlund gives him a back suplex, but Hart comes back with a European uppercut, and goes to the chinlock. Backlund gives him a shoulderblock, but Hart goes back to the headlock. Backlund whips him into the ropes, and gives him a droptoehold. To note, this match is moving quite slowly. Not in a bad way, though. Backlund tries the chickenwing, but can't get the hold applied. The wrestlers do a reversal sequence that eventually winds up in a headlock applied by Bret, then Hart gives Backlund a belly-to-belly suplex. Bret tries for the SHARPSHOOTER, but Backlund kicks away from it. Bret applies an abdominal stretch, but Backlund hiptosses out of it. Backlund tries to slam Bret, but Bret lands on top. No cover, though, remember, it's a submission match. Bret gives Backlund a slam of his own, but misses an elbowdrop off the 2nd rope. Backlund works on the arm, and puts Hart into the buckle, He tries for the chickenwing again, but can't get it, so he kicks Bret's arm instead. Backlund applies a fujiwara armbar, then gives Bret a head stomp. I really like when wrestlers kick their opponent in the head. Don't know why. Bret kips up, but Backlund gives Bret a forearm which knocks Bret out of the ring. Owen gets Bret's attention once Bret gets back in the ring, so Backlund can regain control. Backlund elbows Bret in the face, then applies an armbar again. Bret slams him, but it doesn't force Backlund to release the hold. Hart gives him a swinging neckbreaker, but Backlund just WON'T release the arm of Bret. Bret gives him an inverted atomic drop, which finally gets Backlund to release the hold. Now Bret tries the figure-four leglock, and gets the hold locked in. Backlund asks for the towel to be thrown in, but there's no way Owen'll do it. Backlund reverses the hold, but Bret re-reverses it. Backlund finally gets to the ropes, and Hart starts to work on the knee. He wrenches it, kneedrops it, and elbows it, then repeats the same sequence again. Bret goes for the SHARPSHOOTER, but Backlund gets to the ropes before the hold is applied. Backlund punches Bret a few times, then goes for a PILEDRIVER, which he gets. Now Backlund goes for his finisher AGAIN, but can't get it. So he headbutts Bret, and gives Bret a swinging neckbreaker. There's a uniqueness to the match, and it's the style of Backlund. Sort of a realness, funny as that is. He puts Bret into the buckle twice, but Backlund misses a charge. He tries another PILEDRIVER, but Bret counters it with a backdrop. Backlund goes for the sleeper, but Bret runs towards the buckle and ducks, leading Backlund to hit his head on the buckle and break the hold. A Backlund shoulderblock brings a collision, and Hart gets up first with a legdrop. Bret gets a PILEDRIVER, then another bulldog and a russian leg sweep to boot. Bret gets a backbreaker and elbow off the 2nd rope, and now it's time for the SHARPSHOOTER. Owen distracts Bulldog, getting him to chase Owen, and Owen takes the chase into the ring, where the referee tries to usher Bulldog out, and Owen gives Bret a bulldog, forcing Bret to break the hold. Whew. Bulldog starts chasing Owen again, but Owen ducks and Bulldog goes head first into the steel stairs, "knocking" Bulldog out cold. Backlund locks on the crossface-chickenwing, as Owen begins to show concern for Davey. "This wasn't what I wanted," and all that. Owen's "crying," and he tells Bret he's sorry. Bret tries to power out of the hold, but he can't. This whole sequence continues for 8 MINUTES, as Owen tells his mother this wasn't what he wanted. He keeps begging Helen to throw in the towel, and once the barricade is removed so Helen and Stu can come ringside, Helen grabs the towel. She tries to throw it, but Stu prevents her from doing so. Bret hasn't moved for a while, to sell the hold, of course. It looks like a deadly move. About a minute later, Helen snatches the towel out of Stu's hand and throws it in, and the referee rings the bell at 35:17, which gives Backlund his SECOND WWF TITLE. Backlund immediately releases the hold, to boos from the crowd, as Owen runs backstage with Bret's towel, in celebration. Faker. Help comes ringside, to bring Bret backstage. Of course, that was a route they had to take, because they wanted to put the title on Diesel, and all that.   Match Analysis: EXTREMELY LONG for a WWF match, and most surprisingly, not the type of match they'd had since Backlund was the champion. Featured a ton of mat wrestling, which is certainly an acquired taste. If you don't like it, you won't like the match. But I enjoyed the mat wrestling, SO....***3/4. A bit of overkill as far as how long the hold was applied, but certainly necessary. Vince bemoans the state of the New Generation...well, he ain't kidding. Unfortunately, it could and DID get a whole lot worse. ___________________   Bam Bam Bigelow, Tatanka, King Kong Bundy, Jimmy Del Ray and Tom Prichard w/ Ted DiBiase and Jim Cornette vs. Lex Luger, Bart Gunn, Billy Gunn, Adam Bomb, and Mabel w/Mo is the 5th match of the night, and one that interests me, in a weird way. Funny lineup.   Blow-by-blow: Lex and Tatanka start, and Tatanka's chops and right hands don't do a thing to the Lex Express. Tatanka suplexes Lex, but of course, Lex no-sells it. Luger gives him a face smash and two clotheslines, then clotheslines Tatanka out to the floor. Luger press slams Tatanka onto Bigelow, so both Mabel and Bundy tag in. That's a lot of obesity right there. Bundy decides to get out, and Prichard takes his place. Mabel slams Prichard, but misses an elbowdrop. Mabel takes a kneedrop from Prichard, but gets a backdrop, and then, he goes UP TO THE 2ND ROPE, giving Prichard a crossbody off, for the elimination at 3:58.   Del Ray tries to dropkick Mabel, but can't do it, so Mabel gives him that Bossman slam thing. Bundy comes in, and both men's shoulderblocks don't do a thing, until Mabel tries for a 2nd time and finally, Bundy goes down. Bam Bam tags in, and Mabel gives hima spinning heel kick and goes UP to the TOP, but Bigelow slams him down. Bigelow tries for a sunset flip from the top, but Mabel sits on him. Mabel clotheslines him over the top and to the floor, but Mabel hits his head on the concrete, and gets counted out, at about 7:27.   Billy comes in, and bridges out of a pinfall into a backslide for 2. It really had no place in the match whatsoever, he just did it. Bomb comes in, and gets a droptoehold, but tries for a crossbody and misses, falling to the outside. He gets a slingshot clothesline back in, and 2 clotheslines, before Bundy stops his little rally with a clothesline to the back of Bomb's head. Bigelow gives Bomb a bulldog, and then a moonsault to put Bomb out at 9:09. Guess it's a good thing I changed my username.   Lex comes in with a quick roll-up for 2, in an attempt to catch Bigelow off guard, and Del Ray tags back in. He gets a superkick, but on the Irish whip Lex avoids a clothesline, and then gets the RUNNING FOREARM for the pinfall at 10:55. Hate his finisher with a passion, I do.   Bart tags in and slams Tatanka, which gets a 2 count. Billy comes in, and gets a legdrop for 2. The Gunns get a double russian leg sweep for 2, and Billy stays in, and gets a slam. They work over Tatanka for a while, namely getting a monkey flip for 2. Bart gives him a sidewalk slam, but after Tatanka reverses an Irish whip, Tatanka gives Bart the END OF THE BAH GAWD TRAIL for 2 at 14:28. End of the Trail = samoan drop.   Lex comes in with an axhandle off the top rope, and Billy comes in with a hiptoss for 2. An elbowdrop gets 2, and then Lex gets a slam. Tatanka gives Billy a powerslam, then tags Bundy, who misses an elbowdrop, but gets a AVALANCHE in the corner for 3 at 17:14. It's Luger vs Bundy, Bigelow and Tatanka.   Tatanka tries to sneak in and beat Luger up, and Bigelow comes in, but misses a charge. Lex clotheslines Bigelow and Tatanka. Close 2 count on the cover against Tatanka, and then Luger gives him a sunset flip, but Tatanka tagged Bigelow so there wasn't a cover. Bigelow gives Luger a suplex for 2, and then Bundy comes in and gets a kneedrop for 2. DiBiase taunts Luger, as Bigelow comes in, and gets a falling headbutt for 2. Bundy puts Luger to the buckle, and gets an elbowdrop for 2. Tatanka tags in and gets a powerslam for 2, and I swear, Vince McMahon is the worst commentator ever. On every 2 count during this match, the "ohhegothimnohedidnt" was running strong. Tatanka gives Lex three elbowdrops, but Lex cradles him out of nowhere, putting Tatanka out at 23:14.   Almost immediately, Bundy comes in and gives Luger a big splash, at 23:22, gaining the win for his team. Luger gets attacked after the match, and given the END OF THE TRAIL. Bigelow and Bundy both do a few damaging attacks, so all of Luger's team runs out to make the save, and they clean house. Well, Mabel took a while getting there, so he clotheslined the Heavenly Bodies in the aisleway.   Survivors: King Kong Bundy and Bam Bam Bigelow.   Match Analysis: Good booking that established Mabel as a threat, and entertaining too, but this match pretty much solidified the fact that Luger was going to also-ran territory. Anyhow, weird placement, as if they were trying to build up the crowd, and although the main event had heat, I'm not so sure it was because of this. They would have been better served to put this as the opener, but who am I to say so? I just don't see the need to put a match with many lower carders this late in the show. My .02. Anyhow, it's **. ___________________   Todd Pettingill's with Bob Backlund, who says he beat Bret to save our society, and that he really doesn't care about the "New Generation." Not a bad promo, but why should I care?   Anyhow, the main event is a casket match, and of course, it's Yokozuna w/Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer. Oh yeah, CHUCK FUCKING NORRIS is on the outside, keeping Yoko from having help in beating Taker like last time, at Royal Rumble 1994.   Blow-by-blow: During Undertaker's entrance, the video wall separates, for him to walk out of. Yeah, that was strange. Once Taker gets in the ring, he points to the casket and tells Yoko that he's goin' in. Yokozuna gives Taker an avalanche in the corner, but it doesn't do a thing. Yoko gets rammed into the casket, and then, Taker rams him into the steel steps. Back in the ring, Taker delivers OLD SCHOOL, but Yoko comes back with a samoan drop. Taker no-sells it, but gets clotheslined. Another no-sell follows, so Yokozuna gives him ROCK BOTTOM, ROCK BOTTOM....and a legdrop. Yoko drags him to the casket, and puts Taker inside, but Taker pulls Yoko in too, and they fight. Fuji grabs Taker, so Taker chases him, and hits Cornette on his way. Inside again, Yoko slams Taker, then knocks him out of the ring and rams him into the steps. Yoko chokes Taker, and now the match begins to slow down a bit. This goes for a while, until Taker gives him a clothesline, and then goes up top and does the same. To the casket we go, as King Kong Bundy and Bam Bam Bigelow grace us with their presence. Needless to say, they're scared of Chuck Norris. Who isn't? IRS comes into the ring, and Norris isn't noticing, and IRS applies a sleeper on the Undertaker. He puts Taker in the casket and disapperars, but Yoko can't shut the lid, because Taker got up. Taker chokes him, and Jeff Jarrett makes his way to the ring, but he gets KARAAAAAATTTTTE kicked by Norris and knocked out. Taker gives Yoko a flying clothesline and running DDT, then a big boot which puts Yokozuna in the casket. Taker grabs Fuji's Japanese flag, breaks it and throws it inside, then shuts the lid for the win at 15:25.   Match Analysis: That was a million times better than I thought it would be. So much so, that I won't go into negatives. It was the right way to end the Taker/Yoko thing, with the outside interference not getting the job done, and the seeming nature of a squash throughout the match. Honestly, it felt like that the whole way, IMO. Better than it had any right to be, but still 1/2*. It wasn't good.   Show's over! ___________________   Rating: Decent. I'm being kind, but Backlund/Hart is certainly worth a look. Considering that, you kinda have to watch it. I'm generous to this show because I started watching wrestling in 1994, and it is one of my favorite time periods. Not because it was good, but because I liked it when I was a kid.   Best Match: Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart for the WWF Title. Self explanatory.   Worst Match: Lawler's team vs. Doink's team. I never want to watch that again.   Loudest Sound: The Undertaker, Razor Ramon, Diesel and Owen Hart.   No Sound: The Heavenly Bodies, Smoking Gunns, Tatanka, and Adam Bomb. That's half the people in a match, and really no embellishment. ___________________   Not reviewing the roundtable, but I watched it last night. Really, really fun watch. This channel is great, and really, the main reason I watch wrestling. If it wasn't around, I probably wouldn't watch, because such a large library wouldn't be easy to access.
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Review: WWF Survivor Series 1990, from Hartford, CT, 11/22/1990.

My brother didn't come home, but fuck it, I'm watching this anyway. ___________________   The intro to the show is great, as were most of the intros that Vince did the voiceovers on. His announcments of each participant and the team name are great.   Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper are on commentary, and Piper goes into a rant about how the Iraqis are going to pay. Remember, at the end, there's a match of Ultimate Survival. Of course, it involves all the Survivors. ___________________   The first match on this show is The Warriors (WWF Champ, the Ultimate Warrior, Intercontinental Champ Kerry Von Erich, and the Legion of Doom, Animal, and Hawk) vs. The Perfect Team (Mr. Perfect, Demolition Ax, Demolition Smash, and Demolition Crush), who are accompanied by Bobby Heenan and Mr. Fuji. Warrior's wearing a white title belt, which matches his attire later. He didn't wear different color belts because the WWF was afraid "he'd lose them." He wore them to match his attire. The babyfaces cut a promo before the match, and what is it with Warrior and sacrifices? You'd think the guy was a cannibal or something. His expressions during the promo are awful. Awfully funny, harharhar. The first man listed in each runthrough of the participants on each team is the "team captain."   Blow-by-blow: The heels all enter to Mr. Perfect's music, while the faces enter to their own individual music. Where's the equality? Animal and Smash starts, and Animal rams Smash into Hawk. All the faces take their turn beating up Smash, and Smash takes control somehow. Smash prevents a backdrop by Animal, and suplexes him. Perfect comes in and chops Animal, then Smash comes in and gets powerslammed by Animal. Perfect gets beaten up by everyone now, and Tornado and Ax come in. Tornado applies THE CLAW, but Smash breaks the hold up. Warrior tags in and shoulderblocks Ax, then flying shoulderblocks Ax and big splashes him for the pin at 3:22.   The Warrior dumps everyone out of the ring as the heels go on the attack, but Crush comes back in quickly with a clothesline. Smash is in with a backbreaker, and then he tags Crush in, who gives Warrior a flying kneedrop off the top rope. It only gets a 2 count, and Crush misses a charge into the corner. Hawk comes in along with Perfect, and Perfect gets choked. Hawk whips Perfect into the corner but Perfect trips over his own feet and blows the spot, so they repeat on the other side, which leads to Hawk missing a charge and ramming his shoulder into the ringpost. Crush comes in and works Hawk over, with the notable part of his offense being a backbreaker. See, Crush always sucked. Hawk comes back with a shoulderblock and flying clothesline from the top rope, but Smash breaks up the cover. Now LOD and Demolition brawl, and both teams are disqualified at 7:36.   Tornado and Warrior are left against Perfect, and Perfect begs for Warrior to tag out. Warrior does, and Perfect gets discus punched by Tornado. Supposedly he has a powerful right hand, at least that's what I heard. I don't know why Vince gave this guy a chance, he's not special in the ring, he can't talk, and he's a walking pharmacy. But he looks good. Well, I just answered my own question, didn't I? Warrior rams the heads of Heenan and Perfect together outside the ring, then tosses Heenan into the crowd. No wonder Heenan doesn't like him. On the inside, Perfect gives Tornado a kneelift. Perfect thumbs Kerry in the eye, and rams him into the exposed turnbuckle, which leads to a Perfectplex that eliminates Tornado at 11:00.   Perfect then gives one to Warrior, but Warrior kicks out of it. A Perfect dropkick gets a 2 count, and a clothesline does the same. Piper's not very good on commentary, he mostly rambles, but he says that there's a "lot of heat" here. He tries to cover it up a few seconds later by saying that the temperature in the building has risen, but we all know now that he screwed up. He screws up and says things he shouldn't a LOT throughout the show. Warrior starts his comeback, we all know the drill. Clothesline, clothesline, clothesline with Perfect's 360 sell, a flying shouldertackle and a big splash that gets the pinfall at 14:20.   Survivor: The Ultimate Warrior.   Match Analysis: It goes without saying that these matches are quickly paced. They have to be, cause there's no excuse for restholds in an 8 man elimination tag. Still wasn't very good, though. *3/4. ___________________   The next match is the Million Dollar Team (Ted DiBiase, Greg Valentine, Honky Tonk Man and a Mystery Partner) accompanied by Jimmy Hart and Virgil vs. The Dream Team (Dusty Rhodes, Koko B. Ware, and the Tag Team champs, Bret Hart, and Jim Neidhart). Ted DiBiase introduces the mystery partner and it's.....THE UNDERTAKER. His music had no gong to open it up. Brother Love is his manager, and I don't really care for that. He should have went solo. He doesn't walk slow enough to the ring yet, either. Bret lost this brother Dean before this event, so Piper says that Bret wanted to dedicate the match to him. Heel promo is first, and then...   Blow-by-blow: Taker starts things off with Bret (heh), and Taker gives him a quick chokeslam as Bret is running. I don't think anyone really knew how to take that move yet. The Anvil comes in, but his shoulderblock doesn't do a thing to Taker. Taker slams him, and Koko comes in. Almost immediately, Koko gets TOMBSTONED at 1:43. Taker disposes of him like a child's diaper, meaning that he tosses him out of the ring.   Bret comes in along with DiBiase and after a DiBiase chop, Neidhart and Valentine tag in. Valentine gives the Anvil a high knee, then tags in Honky. Honky does nothing at all, and gets powerslammed by Neidhart for the pinfall at 4:22.   DiBiase comes in and is clotheslined by Neidhart, and finally, Dusty tags in. Elbows for DiBiase, and a dropkick(?). It didn't look too bad, surprisingly. He tags Neidhart in, and they both elbow DiBiase for a 2 count. A Neidhart suplex gets two, and then, Virgil trips him and Neidhart gets clotheslined by DiBiase at 5:55 for the pinfall.   Bret enters the ring with a few right hands, then Dusty comes in. Dusty does that 'juke and jive' punch thing, then Taker comes back in after a DiBiase clothesline. Taker gives Dusty a flying kick, and tags in Valentine. Bret tags in too, and as Taker's still in the ring after the tag, he chokes Bret. DiBiase comes in after a few Valentine kicks and is given an inverted atomic drop by Bret. DiBiase gives Bret a few elbows, and tags in Taker. Taker goes up to the top rope and gives Dusty a BIG double axehandle, leading to Dusty's elimination after the pin at 8:31.   It's 3 on 1 now, with Bret facing DiBiase, Valentine and Taker, as Brother Love's stomping A MUDHOLE, BAH GAWD in Dusty, on the outside. Dusty was dispatched in the same fashion as Koko, and I forgot to mention something. Dusty wasn't wearing polkadots, and he didn't look too pleased to even be involved with the event. Suck it up, bitch. Anyway, Dusty recovers from the beating and begins to put a whoop on Brother Love's ass, so Taker leaves the ring and brawls with Dusty to the back, being eliminated by countout, at 9:24. By brawl, I mean, he basically beat Dusty up.   Back inside, Valentine goes for the figure-four, but he gets rolled up and eliminated by Bret Hart at 10:00. That was quick.   The crowd's going batshit for Bret. Bret atomic drops DiBiase out of the ring, and planchas onto him. He punches DiBiase on the outside, and rams him into the ringpost. Back in the ring, he gives Ted some stiff European uppercuts. DiBiase rams Bret into the turnbuckle at about 100 mph, but it only gets 2. A Bret backslide gets 2, and on a whip, Bret trips over DiBiase. Bret plays possum, which makes me wrong about the WM 8 match being the first time.   I WAS WRONG.   There. I can admit it. He rolls DiBiase up for 2, and the entire crowd thought the match was over. They were into this sequence. Ted gets kneed on accident by Virgil, and Bret rolls him up again, but only gets 2. The fans bought it, again. Bret with a backbreaker and elbow from the 2nd rope for 2, but unfortunately, DiBiase reverses a crossbody for the 3 count at 13:59.   Survivor: The Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase.   Match Analysis: IMO, this probably was when the WWF realized they had something in Bret as a potential singles wrestler. Well, not when they realized, but when they saw that the fans were behind such an idea as well. Match is **1/4, but the Bret/DiBiase portion was awesome, as was the debut of Taker. ___________________   There's a promo for "The Main Event," which took place on the night after Survivor Series, although it was taped about a month before. The hyped match was the Ultimate Warrior vs. Ted DiBiase. ___________________   The third match on this Thanksgiving Night was The Vipers (Jake "the Snake" Roberts, Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka, Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty) vs. The Visionaries (Rick "the Model" Martel, The Warlord, Hercules, and Paul Roma), who were accompanied by Arrogance and Slick. Jake's got the "I'm blind in one eye" thing goin', and the Rockers just kick ass. Snuka's on more juice than anyone else on this show, or so it would seem. The guy is huge. The babyfaces cut a promo in the shower area, cause remember, that's Jake's thing, to keep the snake cool. When Power and Glory walk to the ring, presumably because of the strange nature of the entranceway, they look like badasses. Watch it, and you'll see. I thought they were cool when I rented tapes as a kid. I'm ashamed of that one.   Blow-by-blow: Piper calls Warlord a "walrus." Guess he doesn't like him. Warlord and Marty start, and Marty uses his speed to outsmart the Warlord. Marty tries three dropkicks, but they don't do anything to the big man. Marty sunset flips Warlord but can't bring him over, so Shawn runs in and dropkicks Warlord, but unfortunately, the move only gets a two count. Shawn tags in and gets a hiptoss after a cool looking reversal, and he follows with a dropkick and monkey flip. Martel tags in, and so does Jake, but Martel bails out in a HURRY. Roma comes in, and Jake grabs onto an armbar. Snuka tags in, and Roma punches him. But islanders have hard heads, so it doesn't affect the SUPERFLY. As deteriorated as he was here, I love him. Hercules comes in and shoulderblocks Snuka, but Snuka comes back with that chop that his opponent runs into, and the crowd loves it. Warlord tags in and slams Snuka, but Snuka comes back with a dropkick. Marty comes in, and gets bearhugged. You guys have no idea how hard it is to keep track of who's who in these matches, considering that guys have so many matching initials. Fact is, if I focused on typing, and typing alone while I was doing this, it'd only take me about 2 hours. Instead, it takes much longer. Like tonight, I was watching the Kings and Lakers game while typing this. Anyway, Marty mongolian chops the Warlord, but goes up for a crossbody and gets powerslammed by the Warlord for the 3 count at 5:18.   Shawn gives Warlord a frankensteiner (I feel like calling it that for now), and Jake tags in. A Jake clothesline does nothing, and a high knee does nothing. A second clothesline puts the Warlord down, and Shawn tags in and covers him for a 2 count. Warlord gets a huge backdrop on Shawn, and he tags in Hercules. Shawn does a 360 sell off a Herc clothesline, and Martel tags in. Martel gets a kneedrop and backbreaker which each get a two count, and Roma comes in. Roma whips Shawn into the buckle and Shawn goes upside down, and after that, Roma misses a charge into the corner. Snuka comes back in, and gets a flying forearm for a 2 count. Too bad for him though, he tries a crossbody and it gets reversed at 9:43 by Martel, as Martel was holding Snuka's tights. Sneaky little fellow.   Jake comes in and Martel runs away again, so Hercules comes in. Jake gets a kneelift, but he can't get the DDT. I don't know what it is, but Jake is off tonight. Well, I do know what it is, and so does everyone else. He was on a lot of shit. The Visionaries huddle up, and Martel clotheslines Jake from the ring apron, while Jake was unawares. Piper calls Martel a "cheap ass," and then immediately apologizes. Piper on live TV. Gotta love it. Roma slams Jake, but misses a fistdrop from the top rope. Shawn comes in with a back elbow and suplex, and an elbowdrop from the 2nd rope gets 2. It's decidedly uglier than the one he used later in his career. Shawn then gets an atomic drop and dropkick, until Hercules attacks him. Herc gets a press slam, and it's POWERPLEX TIME. Power and Glory hit that, and Shawn's gone at 15:18. In case you don't know, it's a Hercules superplex, and a Roma big splash. FWIW.   It's 4 on 1 now with Jake being the only good guy left, and he fights with Warlord. Well, Warlord gets a bearhug and after a while, Jake gets a DDT OUT OF NOWHERE on Warlord. The referee wasn't paying attention, so no count. Martel tries to spray Roberts with Arrogance, but he misses and Jake grabs Damien, his snake. He chases Martel to the back at 18:05, and Jake is counted out. HOWEVER, Rick Martel isn't counted out, because he wasn't the legal man. Therefore...   Survivors: Rick Martel, The Warlord, Hercules, and Paul Roma. That's the first time an entire team has survived, kids.   Match Analysis: Ran too long. Shawn can do no wrong though, he was excellent. The Warlord was in this match for WAY too long. *1/2. ___________________   A promo for Royal Rumble 1991 pops onto the screen, as we lead into...The Natural Disasters (Earthquake, Haku, Barbarian and Dino Bravo) accompanied by Jimmy Hart and Bobby Heenan vs. The Hulkamaniacs (Hulk Hogan, Big Bossman, Jim Duggan, and Tugboat). Tugboat's music is terrible. The babyfaces cut a promo first, and Tugboat's been spending too much time around Hulk. Mainly because he says "brother" after every sentence.   Blow-by-blow: It looks like Hogan got a haircut the day of the match...anyhow, a Hogan chant picks up almost immediately. Duggan and Haku start, and after Haku misses a springboard crossbody, Duggan clotheslines him a whole bunch and yells, HOOOOOOOOOOO. Duggan gets an UGLY backelbow and clothesline, and Bravo tags in. Bravo gets an inverted atomic drop, and Haku and Bossman enter. Bossman quickly gets the Bossman Slam, and that eliminates Haku at 3:15.   Heenan gets rammed into the turnbuckle by Bossman, but Barbarian regains control. He gets a suplex and slam, but he misses an elbowdrop from the 2nd rope. Duggan comes in and gets a backdrop, then Earthquake comes in. Earthquake rams Duggan into the buckle, and Duggan can't slam him. Duggan does 2 shoulderblocks, but on the third attempt, Jimmy Hart pulls down the top rope so Duggan flies out of the ring. Duggan chases Hart with the 2x4, and hits Earthquake with it at 6:04, so he's disqualified. Duggan is poof, gone.   Hogan's in and body slams for all, the 10 punch in the corner starts, but Earthquake powerslams him out. Bravo tags in and gets an elbow drop, but surprisingly, he gets rolled up in a small package at 7:59. He's gone.   I just noticed that the "mystery egg" hasn't been discussed at all. Thankfully. Piper says that "Hogan should get the hell out of the ring." Bossman attempts a crossbody, but doesn't bring Earthquake to the canvas. Hogan pushes Bossman on top of Quake, but the cover only gets 2. Earthquake gets 2 elbowdrops on Bossman, and that's enough to get the pinfall at 9:08.   Hogan gives Quake a big boot, and I've noticed that Tugboat hasn't even been in the ring. Hogan can't slam Quake, and Quake falls on him for a 2 count. Ok, by this point, it's safe to say that they need to take the match home. Quake misses a big splash and finally, Tugboat comes in. Tugboat and Earthquake take their brawl to the outside, and they both get counted out at 11:32.   Hogan and Barbarian are left, and Barbarian lands the ugliest piledriver ever. Gorilla and Piper both acknowledge that Hogan's head was never close to the canvas and landed on Barbarian's legs instead. Hogan should never have sold that. Barbarian gets a big boot, and a top rope clothesline for 2. NOW COMES THE HULK-UP. Three punches, big boot, DROP THE FUCKING LEG, and that's the end of the match at 14:49. Hogan grabs a fan's banner to celebrate, and he wipes his sweat on it before giving it back. What a guy. He poses for 3 minutes, and this part ends, and part two now begins.   Survivor: Hulk Hogan   Match Analysis: Junk. Shit. Crap. 1/2*. This match was everything I hate about wrestling. ___________________   The MACHO KING RANDY SAVAGE has an interview with Gene Okerlund in which he basically foreshadows his retirement. He says if he wins the title, he'll retire. Forever. He calls the Ultimate Warrior the Ultimate Chicken/turkey/loser. Savage is dressed like the guy from Mary Poppins, so it's hard to take him seriously. ___________________   The next match is The Alliance (Nikolai Volkoff, Tito Santana, Butch, and Luke) vs. The Mercenaries (Sgt. Slaughter, Boris Zhukov, Sato, and Tanaka), accompanied by Mr. Fuji and General Adnan. Slaughter cuts a promo before the match, says Okerlund needs to stand at attention, and wonders what American soldiers had in their K-Ration on Thanksgiving. Piper gets all worked up about it, and I laughed. All the Mercenaries are wearing camo face paint.   Blow-by-blow: Zhukov and Butch start, the Bushwhackers give Zhukov a double clothesline, and Tito tags in and gives Zhukov the flying forearm, and gets the pinfall at 0:48. Lol.   Tito kicks Sato, and Butch tags in. The Bushwhackers almost immediately give Sato the battering ram, eliminating Sato at 1:47.   Tanaka misses a big splash, and gets eliminated by the flying forearm of Santana at 2:10.   Volkoff comes in and gets elbowdropped by Slaughter four times, cause remember, Slaughter's the only Mercenary left. He rams Volkoff into the turnbuckle while Adnan screams at him in whatever language he uses, and Slaughter gets a dropkick. Oddly enough, while 3 elbowdrops can't finish Volkoff, only one does a bit later, and Volkoff's gone at 5:24.   Butch comes in and both the Bushwhackers slam Slaughter, after Luke tags in. A double clothesline gets two, and then Luke goes up, but eats knees on a splash attempt. Slaughter gives Luke a chestbreaker, and Luke's gone at 6:30.   Butch comes in and gets clotheslined by Slaughter at 6:54. Quick eliminations here...   Tito and Slaughter are left, and Tito gives Slaughter a dropkick. He can't monkey flip Slaughter though, so Slaughter gets a neckbreaker for 2. A Slaughter backbreaker gets 2, and Sarge follows it up with a suplex. Slaughter rams Tito into the ref, and Adnan comes in with the Iraqi flag. He rams it into the stomach of Santana after Tito's flying forearm on Slaughter, and then, Slaughter applies the camel clutch. The referee wakes up, though, and disqualifies Slaughter at 10:47 for use of the flag. The referee was down, but he was watching the action, see.   Survivor: Tito Santana   Match Analysis: 1/4*. At least it ended quickly. ___________________   Sean Mooney is with the Visionaries and Ted DiBiase for their promo before the Ultimate Survival match, but first, we have to reveal what's inside the mystery egg. For some reason, DiBiase had blood in his mouth. ___________________   Anyway, yeah, inside the mystery egg, it's the Gobbledygooker. The Gooker's one of the dumbest things ever to happen in wrestling, and the only thing that is definitely worse, IMO, was the WCW "shoot" angles in 2000. I wonder, though, was Gooker supposed to work matches? That would have been ridiculous. Whoever thought of this should have been shot. Or fired. The crowd shit all over it, though. ___________________ The last match tonight, is the match OF ULTIMATE SURVIVAL. On one team, it's Tito Santana, the Ultimate Warrior, and Hulk Hogan. On the other team, it's Ted DiBiase, Rick Martel, the Warlord, Hercules, and Paul Roma w/Virgil and Slick. Warrior changed his attire and facepaint, and there aren't any team captains in this match. Hogan entered before the other two babyfaces. I don't think he was too happy about it, or so it looked. Warrior got NO pop.   Blow-by-blow: Almost immediately, a Santana flying forearm pins the Warlord. 0:28 was the time.   DiBiase comes in and gets a suplex. Tito gets a clothesline and backdrop but misses the flying forearm, and DiBiase hotshots him along the top rope for the pinfall at 1:51.   DiBiase gets a big boot on Hogan, then tags in Hercules. Herc rams Hogan's head into the buckle, and DiBiase comes back in with a few fistdrops. Tag Hercules, and Power and Glory go for the POWERPLEX, but it only gets a 2 count. Hogan gives Roma a lariat, and he's gone at 5:37. Seriously, that was a stiff clothesline. He treated Roma like a jobber...oh wait. He is one. LAWL.   Warrior finally tags in, and kicks Martel. Warrior with a backdrop and he goes to punch both heels that were standing in the corner. The ADRENALINE'S MOVIN' NOW, and Warrior slams Martel twice. He rams Martel's face into the mat, and tags in Hogan. Hogan clotheslines Martel over the top and out, but Martel's leaving. NOW THEY'LL HAVE TO IMPROVISE A NEW FINISH. Sorry, since I mentioned WCW 2000, I couldn't help it. Time of Martel being counted out was 7:17, btw.   DiBiase and Hercules are the only ones left of the heels, and Hogan slams DiBiase into the mat. Big boot, DROP THE FUCKING LEG, pin at 8:37.   Hercules is the only one left, Warrior clotheslines him, clothesline, clothesline, flying shouldertackle, big splash and the pinfall at 9:07. Warrior and Hogan toss Slick out of the ring, and that's it.   The Ultimate Survivors: The Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan.   A promo for the Royal Rumble wraps things up. All done.   Match Analysis: DUD. I'm glad they didn't do the Ultimate Survival thing again. The crowd couldn't have cared less. ___________________   Rating: Poor. Good for nostalgia, but in reality, it wasn't any good. I hate how the WWF didn't even use the early versions of this show to further angles. Outside of the one exception, the double turn with Demolition and the Powers of Pain. There have been much better shows. If not for the nostalgia, it would have been awful.   Best Match: The Million Dollar Team vs. The Dream Team. That's not saying a whole lot.   Worst Match: The match of ULTIMATE SURVIVAL.   Loudest Sound: Bret Hart during his comeback, and Demolition. Ax's last appearance in the WWF was a quick one.   No sound: Everyone in the Alliance vs. Mercenaries match (except for Slaughter), and Warrior later in the show.   I must say, I love the finishes at the Survivor Series. Guys getting pinned by elbowdrops? I know it's tough to book these matches, but they could do something better, couldn't they? ___________________   I don't know what I'm reviewing next, but it'll be up on Monday. Probably Prime Time Wrestling, cause I don't want it to disappear before I can write about it.
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8
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Review: WWF St. Valentine's Day Massacre, from Memphis, Tennessee, 2/14/1999.

I wasn't able to watch RAW on Monday, and I wasn't able to watch ECW, nor am I going to be able to watch Smackdown this Friday. So, to fill this space, I figured I could put something good up. ___________________   The opening video to this event is great...haven't seen this one in 4 or 5 years, I think. Michael Cole is on commentary with Jerry Lawler...oh no. Rock vs. Mankind and Austin vs. McMahon. OMG! ___________________   The first match on the card is Goldust vs. Bluedust.   Blow-by-blow: Bluedust = Blue Meanie. The backstory is ridiculous, I can't really get into it without wasting space. Goldust starts the match with a spinebuster, and punches away at Bluedust, who bails to the outside after a clothesline. Goldust goes to grab him after a stall, but Bluedust gains control and humps Goldust's leg during a spinning toehold inside the ring. Goldust kicks him away, and pulls up Bluedust's outfit so that his ass shows. Thanks for that. Goldust goes for SHATTERED DREAMS, but that misses. Bluedust goes up top and misses a moonsault, which gives Goldust the opening for a CURTAIN CALL, which also gets the three count at 3:08. After the match, Goldust gives Bluedust SHATTERED DREAMS.   Match Analysis: Usually, I'd just DUD this. But it's offensive, so -*. Self explanatory, isn't it? One of those things that makes me embarassed to be watching this, at that.   On Sunday Night Heat, Vince McMahon called Steve Austin to the ring and spat on him. What a fellow. ___________________   The next match is Al Snow w/Head vs. Bob Holly for the vacant WWF Hardcore Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Man, I miss this belt. Snow attacks at the beginning of the match, and tosses Holly over the top rope. Say goodbye to the ring, cause that's the last you'll see it during this match. I can't believe that Bob Holly still has this "tough-guy, rah rah rah I'm hardcore" gimmick after all this time. Hell, I didn't even think he'd be around 3 years later. They brawl through the crowd, and Holly slams Snow on some stairs as they go toward the back of the arena. Holly extinguishes Snow's head, and he hits Snow over the head with a glass cup. Snow extinguishes Holly, but Holly hits Snow with one of those, watch out for the wet floor signs. Holly hits Snow with a garbage can, but Snow comes back and hits Holly with a telephone. Snow then throws a garbage can at Holly, but Holly grabs a few floor tiles and breaks them over Snow's head. Holly hits Snow with a beer cooler, and with a pan. Snow gains control, and breaks some mops over the back of Holly. Perry Saturn cries. They're outside, where Snow covers Holly for a 2 count. Snow rams Holly into a production truck, but Holly grabs a "no parking" sign and hits Snow with it. They inch closer and closer to the river, but before they get down there, a whole lot of stuff happens. Snow rams Holly into a concrete wall, but Holly makes a comeback and rams him into steel fencing. Snow returns the favor, and chokes Holly with barbed wire. For some reason, there's a stop sign lying around in the brush near the river, so Holly picks it up and clobbers Snow with it. They're at the river now, where Bob Holly moves a wheelbarrow. WHAT? Holly rams Snow into a tree, and hits him with some object that was hanging from said tree. Snow chokes Holly, which allows him to toss Holly into the frigid Mississippi River. Man, I loved watching this when I was younger. Holly slams Snow into the water when Snow charges at him, and hits him with a tire. Snow comes back with a shoe to the face of Holly (yes, they find all this stuff on the ground), and grabs a rolled up section of steel fencing. He opens it up, but Holly hits him with a stick in the back, and wraps Snow up in the fencing, which allows him to gain a pinfall for the victory at 9:58. The fencing kept Snow from kicking out, so Bob Holly is our new Hardcore Champion. Holly goes to the ring to grab the title, as Snow is trapped outside in the freezing cold.   Match Analysis: Man, that was fun, and a reminder of what the Hardcore Title used to allow us to see. Now, I know that NOT having the Hardcore Title leads to backstage brawls and that sort of stuff being portrayed as meaning more, but honestly, I think fans would like it if they saw this sort of stuff all the time, as opposed to once or twice a year. But that's just my opinion. Anyhow, this match showed most of what was good about the Hardcore division. It also showed a lot of what was bad about it, that meaning you can only push the out-of-arena brawls so far. **1/2. The match held up, surprisingly. ___________________   Prior to our next match, WWF.com had a camera backstage with the MINISTRY OF DARKNESS. You know, four of the people in this group have been a World Champion at some point in their career? No shit. I don't count the TNA Title (or the current NWA Title) as a World Title, though. Sorry, Christian. Not that I'm saying he was a bad champion or would be a bad champion if he had it again, but if you had told me BRADSHAW would hold the WWE Title, I would've laughed at you. If you'd have told me he'd do it with a stockbroker gimmick, I'd have laughed harder. ___________________   Unfortunately, that promo leads to bigger and more terrible things. By that, I mean that Mideon is facing the Big Bossman.   Blow-by-blow: While I liked Bossman's later persona, this cannot be good. Mideon carries an eye to the ring in a jar filled with yellow liquid, honestly, I think it looks like he pissed in it. They lock-up to start, and Bossman gains control at the outset with a shoulderblock. Bossman chokes Mideon with his boot, and tells the ringside crowd to kiss his ass. Gee. Mideon clotheslines Bossman afterward, but The Guardian Angel quickly tosses Mideon over the top rope. Bossman grabs a chair to hit Mideon with, but swings and hits the ringpost instead. Mideon bites him, and rams his hand into the steel steps. Bossman gives Mideon a nice "rope-clothesline," and we go back in. Bossman chokes, and Mideon returns the favor soon after. This heel vs. heel stuff just doesn't work. Bossman grabs onto his nose to get Mideon to stop, and splashes onto him in the corner. Why is this on PPV? A gigantic "BORING" chant commences, as Bossman applies a full-nelson on Mideon. Mideon reverses the hold and gives Bossman a back suplex, for a 2 count. Bossman tries a powerbomb, but Mideon backdrops him, as they both clothesline each other in the center of the ring. Back up, and after a Mideon back elbow, we get the BOSSMAN SLAM for the win at 6:20. After the match, the Ministry makes their way to ringside. Oh no. Is this going to be a bloodbath? Well, the lights go out, and here comes the Undertaker. Bossman is down in the ring as Taker is in the aisleway, and Viscera splashes Bossman three times. Everyone except Taker and Bearer carry him to the back...we all know where this goes and how dumb it got before it ended. You can say that for every single storyline Vince Russo has ever written.   Match Analysis: Another awful match. Another awful rating, although on a different premise. DUD. I never want to see any part of this again. ___________________   Before our next match, Mark Henry, D'Lo Brown and Ivory are with Kevin Kelly, for an interview. We see a clip of Ivory arguing with Debra on Heat, which brings us to...   Mark Henry and D'Lo Brown w/ Ivory vs. Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart w/Debra for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   Blow-by-blow: Before the match, Sexual Chocolate gives Ivory a Valentine's Day present. I'll give Vince Russo some credit here, he made Mark Henry entertaining. After all this time, nobody else has figured out how to do that. Owen and Henry start, and Henry pounds away at him. He clotheslines Owen, and tags in D'Lo, who gives Owen a back elbow. Owen gives D'Lo a bulldog, and he tags in Jarrett, who dropkicks him. D'Lo powerslams Jarrett in return, and slams Owen before clotheslining both of them. Owen tries to kick D'Lo, who pushs him off the apron. That allows Jarrett to give D'Lo a single arm DDT, which causes Owen to come in, for a double team. They both clothesline D'Lo, and Owen clotheslines D'Lo at the corner, before tagging in Jarrett. Owen gives D'Lo a spinebuster, and Jarrett comes off the 2nd rope with a fistdrop for 2. Owen tries for a suplex, but D'Lo reverses it into one of his own. D'Lo goes for the tag, but Owen gives him an enziguri in order to prevent it. Jarrett tags in, and along with Owen he gives D'Lo a double back elbow for 2. Jarrett goes to a short chinlock, and when Owen tags in, he gives D'Lo a spinning heel kick for 2. Owen brings Henry in via distraction, and D'Lo comes back with a crossbody for 2. Owen charges into D'Lo shoulderfirst, and goes for a 10 punch in the corner...which gets reversed into a SKY HIGH. Jarrett and Henry tag in, but Henry misses an avalanche in the corner. D'Lo dropkicks both of his opponents, and gives Jarrett a SKY HIGH for 2. D'Lo slams Owen, and legdrops him, as Debra gets onto the ring apron. Ivory comes over to argue with her, as D'Lo separates them. While this is going on, Owen hits Henry in the knee with the GUITAR, which leads Jarrett to apply the FIGURE-FOUR, for the win at 9:34. Jarrett and Owen retain, but after the match, Ivory tries to rip Debra's clothes off. Jarrett stops that, and covers Debra up with he and Owen's tag titles.   Match Analysis: Not the best match, but better than some of the other stuff that's been on this show. *1/2. Liked the finish, even though I generally hate the guitar use...but seeing as Owen Hart won the match, yes, I like it. ___________________   Kevin Kelly is with Mankind, you see, on Heat, he was attacked by the Rock, and bludgeoned in the knee with some sort of weapon.   Before the next match, there's a Val Venis/Ken Shamrock hype video...   Obviously, that means that our next match is Val Venis w/Ryan Shamrock vs. Ken Shamrock with Billy Gunn as the guest referee, for the Intercontinental Title.   Blow-by-blow: I'd rather not talk about the Ryan Shamrock thing. Not only that, but this storyline goes the route that you'd expect it to go, that being the land of "this makes no sense." The whole Hello, Ladies thing commences, until Ken Shamrock runs out and attacks Venis. He didn't get the better of it, meaning that he was clotheslined and worked over in the corner. Val Venis takes him down with a snapmare, and Gunn counts the fall slowly, although it still gets 2. Shamrock takes Venis to the buckle, and clotheslines him, before kicking him twice in the back. Shamrock forearms Venis, on the outside of the ring, and they quickly come back in. Shamrock slams Venis, and kneedrops him after choking away. Shamrock goes for a suplex, but Venis blocks it, and gives him an inverted atomic drop. Crowd's dead, and has been all night. Look at the last PPV from Memphis I reviewed...the crowd reaction was the same. Why does WWE still run PPV's in Memphis? Venis chokes Shamrock, and elbowdrops him for a slow 2 count. VEnis gives Shamrock a double-underhook suplex, and a backbreaker submission.Venis gives up on that, and slams Shamrock into the ringpost outside the ring. Venis gives Shamrock a chinlock, and a surfboard style pinning combination for a 2 count. Val goes to a chinlock for a while, and knees Shamrock in the gut when they get up for 2. Venis drops Shamrock along the top rope, and he chokes Shamrock with his boot. Shamrock comes back with a high kick, and a DDT for a 2 count, seeing as Gunn wouldn't count. Shamrock gives Venis a back suplex during a Venis sleeperhold, and Ken follows it up with a powerslam for 2. Venis gives Shamrock a fisherman's suplex for 2, and Shamrock counters soon after with a la magistral for a 2 count. Venis gives Shamrock a russian leg sweep, and gyrates, before mounting Shamrock and punching away at him. Venis is doing everything, but there's this one little problem so far. SHAMROCK ISN'T SELLING. His face has stayed the same all bout, I'm serious. Venis goes to the top, but Shamrock slams him off and gives him a hurricanrana for a 1 count. Shamrock gives Venis a belly-to-belly suplex, and applies the ANKLE LOCK. Ryan Shamrock pulls Venis to the ropes, and Shamrock goes to the outside, to confront their sister. Shamrock is starting to GET INTO THE ZONE, so she slaps him. Billy Gunn tries to prevent things from setting off, but Shamrock pushes him. Gunn hits Shamrock and tosses him into the ring, where Venis gives him a small package (harharhar) for 3 at 15:53. We have a new Intercontinental Champion, that being Val Venis. After the match, Shamrock attacks Gunn. After Gunn gets up, he runs back to the ring and attacks Val Venis. Yippie.   Match Analysis: Needless to say, that title change didn't mean shit. With the Gunn thing, it became an after thought. Even worse, the Billy Gunn/Ken Shamrock thing was never paid off, making this all a gigantic waste of time. They blew their chance to make Gunn the IC Champ at the Royal Rumble. Too bad. Match was nothing great, and that being the fault of Ken Shamrock. *1/2. ___________________   Part two of our program is next, as is HHH and X-Pac vs. Kane and Chyna. First there's a video, because Chyna split from DX, you see.   Blow-by-blow: The full DX entrance finally gets the crowd exited, as does HHH wiping his ass with one of those Chyna Syndrome shirts and throwing it at her. Shane McMahon's on commentary, which is nice. He's a funny guy. HHH and Kane start, when HHH attacks him. Kane clotheslines HHH, but misses a charge to the corner, although he comes right back out with a clothesline. Kane misses an elbowdrop, which allows X-Pac to tag in. Or should I say, "X-Punk." Chyna comes in, and shoulderblocks X-Pac, but she misses a charge to the corner. X-Pac goes for the BRONCOBUSTER, but he misses, and Kane tags back in. He and Chyna argue, so X-Pac kicks Kane. Kane chokes him, but HHH attacks him and goes back to the corner, so he can tag in. HHH goes to the top, and clotheslines Kane, but Chyna hits him, allowing Kane to regain control. Kane slams HHH, and goes up to the top, where he clotheslines HHH. Chyna comes in, and tries a suplex on HHH, but HHH reverses it, which Chyna counters as well. Chyna slams HHH, but misses an elbow drop, allowing X-Pac to tag in. Kane tags in too, but misses a charge to the corner. HHH comes in, and DX gives Kane a double suplex. HHH slams Chyna off the top into Kane, and DX gives him a double DDT, before clotheslining him over the top rope. Kane pulls X-Pac out of the ring, and they fight, but Kane hits the ringpost on accident. X-Pac hits Shane O-Mac, and we go back into the ring. X-Pac tries a spinning heel kick, but Kane catches him and slams him to the canvas. Chyna tags in, and powerslams X-Pac for a 2 count. Kane rams X-Pac into the buckle after the tag, and clotheslines him. Chyna tags back in, and drops X-Pac, nut first onto the top rope for a 2 count. Chyna gives X-Pac a sleeper, but X-Pac back suplexes his way out of it. HHH makes the not-so-hot tag, and cleans house on Kane. HHH gives Chyna a high knee, but Kane pulls him over the top rope. X-Pac comes in during an apparent ref bump, and is finally able to give Chyna the BRONCOBUSTER! Shane comes in the ring, which causes X-Pac to chase him all the way to the back. HHH rams Kane into the steel steps, and tosses him back in, where he gives Chyna the knee-to-facebuster. HHH goes for the PEDIGREE on Chyna, but Kane chokeslams him and the ref awakens as Chyna pins HHH, for the win at 14:45.   Match Analysis: I read that Scott Keith gave this match ****. Wait a second. HAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHA . Ok, now for what I thought about it. It was good, but not anything that I'd even think of giving a great rating to. Too much excess in the finish, but more than that, the crowd didn't do anything throughout. Crowd is KILLING this show dead, but I'll still give this **. ___________________   There's an ambulance in the back, because they're putting over how brutal this match could be, and we also get a nice video package, featuring everything in this feud.   Yeah, that's right. It's THE ROCK vs. Mankind in a Last Man Standing Match for the WWF Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Everyone knows the rules. Everyone knows I generally do not like this stipulation. Mankind turns his back, much like at the Royal Rumble, and the Rock attacks him. When the "Rocky Sucks" chant starts, Mankind turns his back and then hits Rock with his title belt, which gets an 8 count. Mankind bites Rock, so Rock bails. They go to the back, where Mankind throws Rock into these little light structures they have up by the entrance. Mankind does it again, and they go a little further back up the aisle, where Rock gains control. Rock rams Mankind into the stage, but Mankind comes back and rams him into a table, before DDT'ing him THROUGH a table. Nice. They go back toward the ring, but Rock back suplexes him on the concrete. Ouch. At ringside, Mankind rams him into the steps, and brings him in for a...PEOPLE'S ELBOW! He misses it, and Rock knocks him out of the ring, before suplexing him three times on the floor at ringside. Rock goes on commentary to enlighten us, but Mankind tackles him, and clears the table for something crazy. Mankind places Rock on the table, and elbowdrops him from the apron, not breaking the table. Mankind powers water onto Rock, and brings steps into the ring. Rock kicks the stairs into Mick's face, and grabs a chair, that he hits Mankind with multiple times. Rock accidentally hits the top rope with a chair, and the chair backfires and hits him in the face. Mankind clotheslines him down to the floor, and attempts to piledrive him. He doesn't, so he just hits Rock instead, and gives him a swinging neckbreaker. He rams him into the announce table, and sets things up for a piledriver. Rock backdrops him off the table (Mick's head hit the table on the way down, and his leg hit the ring bell. Ouch.), and goes into the ring. Rock grabs the steel steps which were already in there, and throws them onto Mankind. Goodness. Back in, where Rock slams Mankind and gives him the CORPORATE ELBOW. Rock goes to grab a mic, as that move only got a 5 count. Rock sings us a fantastic song, until Mankind applies a MANDIBLE CLAW, which also happens to knock the referee outside of the ring. Mankind makes the referee count to 9, until the Rock gets up and lowblows Mankind. Rock gives Mankind a DDT, which only gets a 5 count. Rock swings and misses with a chair, so Mankind double arm DDT's him onto it, for a 9 count. SOCKO, but Rock lowblows Mankind. SOCKO again, but we get ROCK BOTTOM, for an 8 count. Both get up, grab a chair, and hit each other at the same time, which causes both to be down for a 10 count at 21:53. Both do stretcher jobs, as the crowd shits all over the match. Fuck you guys, you don't deserve to be rewarded with a good finish to anything. Both wrestlers leave in ambulances...yes, Mick Foley really went out on his back.   Match Analysis: Draw knocks a bit off, but this was great. Loved the in-match promo, and the overall violence that took place. I'll probably watch this one again before the program expires. ***3/4. Better than the I Quit match, I dare say. ___________________   Our main event, preceded by a hype video, is Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon in a Steel Cage Match. If Austin wins, he gets a shot at the WWF Champion at WrestleMania. No Corporate members are allowed to interfere, or they'll be FIRED!   Blow-by-blow: I can't believe this was 9 years ago. NINE! This is the first "Austin era" show I've reviewed, as well. I began timing when Vince hit Austin for the first time, which he did when Austin was trying to enter the cage. Before that, Austin was inside, not allowing Vince to enter. Austin falls off the cage, and feigns injury...once Vince comes over, Austin clotheslines him at ringside, and they fight into the crowd. Uh, even though I know that they get in the cage, there's a serious logic flaw in this booking. I don't even know if I've seen a main event from the Attitude Era without an "in the crowd" portion. Vince goes up the stairs to leave, but Austin brings him back down to ringside. Vince and Austin try to climb up the cage, but Austin knocks Vince off and through the Spanish Announce Table. YES! A stretcher comes to the ring, which makes Austin grab a mic. He says that he didn't win. "You think this is over, ah-ah." So he goes out, chases down the stretcher, and rams it into the steel cage. He hits him with the stretcher, and tosses McMahon into the cage, starting the actual match after 12:23 (my time). Austin clotheslines Vince, as the crowd has definitely awakened for this one. Austin goes up to the 2nd rope, and elbowdrops Vince, then he does the same thing again. Austin is about to leave the cage, but Vince gives him the finger. Ha. Austin returns to the ring, to stomp a mudhole and walk it dry on Vince McMahon. Vince lowblows Austin, and rams Austin into the cage. Vince climbs up the cage, but Austin pulls him back down and rams him right into the cage. Austin rams him into the cage again, which makes Vince bleed. Austin goes to leave via climbing up and out of the cage, but once he gets near the floor, Vince gives him two middle fingers. Austin goes back in, and rams Vince into the cage, before a STONE COLD STUNNER. Austin goes to leave the cage, but Paul Wight (the Big Show/Giant) comes through the ring and rams Austin into the cage. Wight tosses Austin hard as possible into the cage, which causes the cage door to break and swing open, giving Austin room to get his feet onto the floor, winning the bout at 20:26. That's also the end of the show.   Match Analysis: Not the greatest match...it doesn't really hold up all that well. Just like this show, I'd say. Anyhow, it was basically a 20 minute squash. *1/2. Wasnt' even close to being Vince's best match. ___________________   Rating: Ah...this one was VERY close to being put in the terrible category. Lots of crap. Lots of *1/2 stuff, too. I think I use that rating more than any other, but that isn't by coincidence. I suppose I have to call it...bad. Honestly, had I ordered it, I would've been pissed off. Non-finish in the WWF Title match, stupid finish in the main, and crap for almost the entirety of the show.   Best Segment: Rock vs. Mankind in Last Man Standing.   Worst Segment: Goldust vs. Bluedust. Awful.   All that said, I'm glad I watched this. It was a good nostalgia trip to an era that (match quality aside) I still enjoy for some reason. Yeah, I know a lot of dumb stuff happened, but that doesn't bother me at all. Could've been worse, as in, they could've posted WrestleMania XV. ___________________   I'll either put the RAW/Nitro review up tomorrow, or on Sunday. I'll be gone all day Saturday.
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Review: WWF Royal Rumble 2002, from Atlanta, Georgia, 1/20/2002.

It's time to Rumble. It's time for the ROYAL RUMBLE!!! Sorry for the early 90's-ish reference. ___________________   The opening video is great, and showcases part Royal Rumble victories...   And our first match is the Dudley Boyz w/Stacy Keibler vs. Spike Dudley and Tazz for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   Blow-by-blow: Ha, WWF New York. That's funny. Yeah, they showed it at the beginning of the show. I love Tazz's entrance, but the Dudleys attack him during it. They back suplex Taz on the floor, and do the same to Spike Dudley in the ring. Bubba gives Spike a neckbreaker, and takes off Spike's neckbrace. See, they 3D'd Spike on concrete at some point before this PPV. Bubba gives Spike another neckbreaker, and a suplex. D-Von tags in, and gives Spike a necksnap, then tags Bubba back in. Bubba gives Spike a WWE-ized brainbuster, and when he tries it again, Spike reverses it and gives him a DUDLEY DOG. Tazz comes in, but the referee never saw the tag. In the meanwhile, the Dudleys give Spike a GIANT FLAPJACK. Wow. D-Von goes to the top and misses a flying headbutt, so Bubba comes in, to cheat. Bubba and D-Von charge at Spike, but they clothesline each other, giving Tazz room to tag in. Clotheslines for all, belly-to-belly suplexes and t-bone suplexes for all, and a northern lights suplex for D-Von, which gets 2. Spike comes off the top rope with a crossbody, and he gives Bubba a DUDLEY DOG. Stacy Keibler gets on the apron to distract, but Tazz applies a TAZZMISSION. Bubba rams into Tazz which knocks Stacy off the apron, and Spike tries to give D-Von a DUDLEY DOG. D-Von dumps Spike to the outside during the move, but Tazz applies the TAZZMISSION, which causes D-Von to tap out at 5:05.   Match Analysis: That was a really good opening tag. It was short, but still, it was good. The unlikely title run by Spike and Tazz was fun, too. **1/4. ___________________   The next match is William Regal vs. Edge for the Intercontinental Title, but first, there are a few things to take note of. Edge cut a promo on Regal, but before that, we saw the history, which was basically Regal hitting Edge with brass knuckles and Edge laying him out with a chair on the Smackdown which occured a few days later.   Blow-by-blow: The referee is looking for weapons, and he found brass knuckles in Regal's trunks. Way to go. Edge attacks Regal at the beginning of the match, and backdrops him. Edge stomps away, and gives him the boot choke prior to ramming Regal's face into the mat, twice. Regal comes back with a few knees to the gut, but Edge backslides him for a 2 count. Regal rakes away at Edge's face, but Edge gives him an enziguri. Regal gives Edge a half-nelson suplex, for a 2 count...I always found it funny how WWE was so strictly against headdrops, but Regal used that. Weird. Anyway, Regal applies a cross armed choke, but gets backdropped when Edge makes it to his feet. Regal gives Edge a double-underhook powerbomb for a 2 count, and places Edge on the ring apron. Edge reverses Regal's attempted hold, and gives Regal a nice looking DDT, on the ring apron. Both men collide in the ring, and Edge gives Regal a spinning heel kick after a short rest. Regal gives Edge another half-nelson suplex, but Edge clotheslines him for 2. After a few left hands, we have a REGAL STRETCH...but Edge makes it to the ropes. That means that we get an EDGE STRETCH, but Regal also makes the ropes. Edge dropkicks Regal and rolls him up for 2, before going to the top rope. Regal knocks him down and tries a HUGE double-underhook suplex, but Edge comes off the top with a spinning heel kick. Regal grabs the brass knuckles out of his trunks, and Edge accidentally spears the referee. Regal runs over and clocks Edge, and after about a minute, the eventual cover gets a 3 count, at 9:46. The crowd hates it, and so does Michael Cole. That's why he goes over to Regal for an interview. Regal talks about his gifted left hand, and the power of the punch. Edge stays down during the whole interview, at least until a parade of officials is able to revive him. At least we have a new champion.   Match Analysis: I don't think these two have very good chemistry. Started out shaky, but definitely picked up. Not great, though. **1/2. ___________________   On Smackdown, Jazz attacked Trish Stratus, shutting her hand inside of a chest. So that means Jazz will challenge Trish for her Women's Title, you see. Jackie is the special referee...I have no idea why.   Blow-by-blow: This should be very short. Jazz attacks Trish, and gives her a big splash for a 2 count. Trish fights back and sunset flips Jazz for 2, which leads to a big "pin each other all around the ring" sequence. I like when that happens. Jazz drops Trish throat-first along the top rope, and legdrops her for a 2 count. Jazz wrenches away at Trish's hand, and she begins to argue with Jackie. That's real smart. Trish rolls Jazz up, but Jazz reverses it for a SLOW 2 count. Because Jazz and Jackie were arguing, see. Trish gives Jazz a jawbreaker, but Jazz throws her off during a DDT attempt. Jazz tries a back suplex, but Trish counters and gives her STRATUSFACTION. The cover gets 2, as does the cover after a Jazz DDT. Jazz misses a charge to the corner, and that gives Trish the opening to give her a bulldog, getting the pinfall win at 3:43.   Match Analysis: Not the best match, but these never are. At least it was short. *. ___________________   The next match is a street fight, featuring Ric Flair, who's taking on Vince McMahon.   Blow-by-blow: Before the match, there's a video package, of course. I liked this angle, just because it was Flair's return to action. Counting WCW, he hadn't been involved in anything that made sense for years. They lock-up, and Vince pushes Flair to the ground, Hogan style. He poses and all that, and shoulderblocks Flair. Vince struts, mocking Flair, but Flair takes him down to the canvas. Flair chops away after being mocked again, but Vince rakes the eyes. Vince tosses Flair into the buckle, but Flair isn't able to make it over with the flip, so he gets on the apron and Vince clotheslines him out. Vince grabs a "Keep Off" sign from the guardrail near the entrance, and he wallops Flair upside the head with it. Vince rams him into the guardrail, and goes to grab a trash can, which he hits Flair with. Flair's bleeding now, so Vince rams him into the ringpost and then the steel steps. Vince slams Flair on the outside, and goes over towards Flair's daughter. He grabs her camera, and takes a picture of he and a bloody Flair. How sweet. Back in the ring we go, and Vince begins to work on the knee. He rams FLair's leg into the apron and the post after some prior legwork, which brings him to apply the FIGURE-FOUR! The hold lasts for a while, until Flair reverses it. Vince makes the ropes, and goes to the outside to grab a lead pipe that he used to attack Flair on Smackdown. Flair gives him a lowblow, and knocks Vince out of the ring. Flair gets a television monitor, and he hits Vince in the head with it, causing him to bleed. We go back to the chops and over to Flair's family, where his daughter takes a picture of him biting Vince. Flair lowblows Vince inside the ring, hits him with the lead pipe, and applies the FIGURE-FOUR for the submission at 14:54.   Match Analysis: Better than I thought it would be, but that's not to say it was great. **1/4. ___________________   Nick Patrick is with Michael Cole, for some reason, Stephanie McMahon shows up. She says that HHH will kick everyone's ass, and rambles a bit about the uselessness of Debra. STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD heard that, and makes his way over. WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT, and Stephanie runs away. Stone Cold will win the Rumble. How do you feel about...WHAT? Sorry, I love that. ___________________   We quickly segue to THE ROCK vs. Chris Jericho for the Undisputed Title...I said quickly because there was no video package or prior buildup throughout the show.   Blow-by-blow: Jericho's Undisputed Title run meant absolutely nothing. IMO, it was always treated as a joke, plus, look how he won his important matches. Jericho tells Rock to JUST BRING IT at the beginning of the match, and well, the Rock does. He gives Jericho a back elbow and samoan drop to start, which gets a 2 count. Jericho bails to the outside, but Rock chases him back into the ring, where he spears Jericho. Jericho clotheslines Rock, but misses a charge to the corner. so Rock rams his face into the mat. Rock charges at Jericho, but Jericho drops him throat-first along the top rope. Rock comes back with (haha) a back elbow, but Jericho counters with a spinning heel kick for 2. Jericho gives Rock a suplex, and the COME ON BABY pin for a 2 count. I liked that. Jericho takes a turnbuckle pad off one of the turnbuckles, and goes for the WALLS OF JERICHO. Rock pushes Jericho away, but Jericho replies with a seated dropkick. Jericho comes off the top with a missile dropkick for 2, and he goes to the chinlock. A long chinlock. Rock fights his way out, but Jericho gives him a back elbow, prior to going up top. Rock crotches him, and gives him a superplex. Rock comes back with a belly-to-belly suplex for a 2 count, but Jericho responds with a bulldog and two LIONSAULTS. That only gets a 2 count, so Jericho pushes Earl Hebner. Hebner pushes back, so Jericho gives up on that fight. Jericho goes up to the 2nd rope, but Rock catches him on the way down and applies the SHARPSHOOTER. Lance Storm runs down to the ring to distract the referee, but Rock knocks him off the apron. Christian comes out of the crowd and tries to hit Rock with one of Jericho's title belts, but he misses and gets tossed out by Rock. Jericho gives Rock a ROCK BOTTOM, but that only gets a 2 count. Jericho gives Rock a senton, and then goes for a JERICHO ELBOW. Rock kips up, and tosses Jericho over the top rope. Hey, there will be a lot of that in the next match. Rock rams Jericho into the steel steps, and tears apart the announce table. Jericho rams Rock into the table, and tears apart the Spanish Announce Table. Jericho tries to give him a ROCK BOTTOM on it, but Rock counters and gives Jericho the ROCK BOTTOM, onto the English Announce Table. Back in, the Rock covers Jericho, but it only gets a 2 count. Rock goes for the ROCK BOTTOM, but Jericho fights him off and applies the WALLS OF JERICHO. Rock makes it to the ropes, and rolls Jericho up for a 2 count. Jericho accidentally forearms Hebner, and goes to grab a title belt. He hits Rock with the title belt, and Nick Patrick runs down to make the 2 count. Rock DDT's Jericho, but Patrick won't count. What the fuck sense does that make? This is overbooking central right here. Rock gives Nick Patrick a ROCK BOTTOM, then gives Jericho a spinebuster. Time for the PEOPLE'S ELBOW, but there's no referee. Rock wakes up Hebner, but Jericho lowblows Rock and rams him into the exposed turnbuckle, which allows Jericho to roll up Rock while putting his feet on the ropes for the 3 count at 18:50.   Match Analysis: You see, this is a prime example of how to make your champion look like shit. Way too much WCW type shit going on in this one. We'll knock off 1/4* for each instance of excess booking. Christian...Lance Storm...rope pin and exposed buckle (isn't one of those enough?)...non-counting referee, and the first belt shot. I think that's it, as the table spots are pretty much standard fare at this point. I would've given this ****1/4 without the excess. 5 instances of excess bring this one down to ***. Not very hard to bring the rating down, I don't feel guilty about it. ___________________   Shawn Michaels is with us from WWF New York...he looks drugged out of his mind. ___________________   It's time for the ROYAL RUMBLE. Winner goes to WrestleMania, yeah yeah yeah   Blow-by-blow: #1 is Rikishi. Boo. #2 is a returning GOLDUST. Yay! Wish he had never left the WWF in the first place, although him leaving gave us a lot of Seven bullshit in WCW. If you don't know what that is, just wait until you'll be able to see it on 24/7. #3 is the Big Bossman. Damn, he's looking old then, too. #4 is Bradshaw. If you aren't familiar with how I do these, basically I ramble, cover eliminations and entrances, and that's it. Unless something else happens. I thought Bradshaw would clothesline everyone, but he didn't. Instead, we were treated to Rikishi giving Bossman a stinkface. Rikishi eliminates Bossman at 5:25 after a clothesline, and #5 is Lance Storm. There's a dead period before the #6 entrant, Al Snow. Hey. Bradshaw gives Storm the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL, and #7 is Billy Gunn. Snow and Storm begin to fight on the ring apron, and Snow kicks Storm out, at 11:03. Like I said, there was a dead period. Billy tosses out Bradshaw when he was trying to eliminate Goldust, at 11:31, and then, here comes the Deadman, entering at #8. He chokeslams Goldust over the top and to the floor at 13:01, and clotheslines Rikishi out of the Rumble at 13:39. Gunn goes out soon after at 13:46, leaving Taker all by himself. #9 is a returning Matt Hardy, who runs right into the ring and along with Lita, stomps on the Undertaker. #10 is Jeff Hardy (saw that one coming), and once he comes out, they both hit their finishers on Taker. Jeff goes for Poetry in Motion, but Taker catches him and dumps him out at 18:22. Matt gets tossed over the top after a LAST RIDE at 18:53...and #11 is MAVEN. Yes. We all know what happens. Maven dropkicks Taker out at around 20 minutes or so, so Taker beats his ass. Taker gives him a chairshot and blades Maven's forehead (yes, it was that obvious), and #12 is Scotty 2 Hotty. Well, Taker knocks him out, and brings Maven back into the ring, and throws him over the top rope at around 23 minutes. #13 is Christian, who just fights during this assbeating that Taker has laid upon Maven. Of course, Taker takes him up the stairs, and tosses him through a POPCORN MACHINE. Man, that's still funny, even today. Christian's in the ring posing with his European Championship, until DDP enters at #14. I liked DDP's WWF run, which puts me in the minority for sure. Scotty gives Christian the WORM, and then he gets tossed by DDP at 28:28. Chuck Palumbo is #15...good God, get a haircut. That's the worst hair I've ever seen in wrestling. #16 is the Godfather, and during his entrance, Christian eliminates DDP. Godfather's entrance is super long, HO TRAIN and all that; as soon as it's over, #17, Albert makes his way to the ring. There have been WAY too many jobbers in this match. Ridiculous. Chuck and Christian toss Albert at 34:00, and they both clothesline Godfather over the top at 34:42. #18 is Perry Saturn. For fuck's sake, spare me. #19 is Steve Austin, who cleans house. Christian goes out at 37:44, Chuck goes out at 37:58, and Saturn goes out at 38:04. Austin looks at his "watch," and there's a lot of time left before the next entrant. So he brings Christian in, beats his ass, and tosses him back out. #20 is Val Venis. What is this, 1999? Going along with that thought, #21 is Test. Austin clotheslines Venis over the top at 43:07, and does the same to Test at 43:19. For #22, IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME OMG RETURNING SUPERSTAR TRIPLE H. Seeing as Austin and HHH are the only guys in the ring, I got the thought that it's really odd these two never faced each other at WrestleMania. Of course, they fight, at least until the HURRICANE comes in at #23. He wants to be like Mike, so he tries to chokeslam both Austin and HHH at the same time. Not gonna happen. Austin and HHH toss him out at 48:05, and #24 is Faarooq. Jobber after jobber after jobber. While this hasn't been super boring, it's been boring. At this point, I can name each person who will enter the Rumble, although not in order. HHH knocks Faarooq over the top at 49:36, and #25 is a returning MR. PERFECT. A mark-out moment for sure. This is his first Rumble since 1993, btw. Long interval there. #26 is Kurt Angle...Angle vs. Perfect in their primes would've rocked. #27 is the Big Show, who chokeslams Angle and Perfect. #28 is Kane, who bodyslams Show over the top at 58:19. Yes, he did. Angle gives Kane the ANGLE SLAM to put him over the top at 58:34, and #29 is RVD. About 30 seconds after he comes in, HHH PEDIGREES him. #30 is Booker T, as RVD is still lying on the canvas. Booker T just picks him up and throws him out at 1:01:39...man, he really was made to look like a bitch just like people said. That was a burial. Austin gives Booker T a STONE COLD STUNNER, which sends him over the top at 1:02:03, and we're down to our Final Four. It's Austin, Angle, Mr. Perfect and HHH. Angle gives Austin multiple german suplexes, but he can't get rid of him. Eventually he does at 1:04:10, and we're down to three. Austin comes back in with a chair, hits everyone with it, and leaves. Perfect and Angle fight, and Perfect gives him the PERFECT PLEX! HHH clotheslines Perfect over the top rope at 1:07:04, and we're down to Angle and HHH. By this point it was obvious would would win. Angle tosses HHH over the top rope, HHH sneaks in, and clotheslines Angle over the top rope for the win at 1:09:19. HHH IS GOIN TO WRESTLEMANIA BY GOD HEALED TORN QUAD. The end.   Match Analysis: That wasn't the best Rumble I've seen. Honestly, it's one of the worst. **3/4. Whoever thought HHH vs. Jericho would be a main event worth watching needs to be slapped. That was an idiotic decision. That's one of those matches where you have absolutely no doubt as to who's going to win. No doubt at all. ___________________   Rating: Decent. Not the worst show, but not enough good stuff to rate the show higher. Jericho/Rock was a gigantic disappointment, namely because of the booking. The Rumble was boring, although still ok. The rest was good to watch. Standard fare show.   Best Segment: Austin's promo about winning the Rumble.   Worst Segment: Jazz/Trish. It just wasn't very good. ___________________   I'll put up the Monday Night RAW review from 6/9/97 tomorrow, because those are super easy to type up. For the arena shows like the stuff from MSG they show, starting next month, I'll just post one big review at the end of the month containing tidbits from all the shows. I can't just ignore the MSG shows, some are quality, some aren't, and they're all worth talking about.
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Review: WWF Royal Rumble 1988, from Hamilton, Ontario, 1/24/1988.

Ok, it's the first Royal Rumble. Oddly enough, I'm going to write a full review, even though this wasn't on PPV. Why? Because it's important, just like all the Clashes and all the Saturday Night Main Events are important. So there. ___________________   The opening graphic is 2 SWEEEEEET. Also, Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura are the commentators.   Our first match, given away by Rude's music having been played all throughout the show's introduction, is Rick Rude vs. Ricky Steamboat.   Blow-by-blow: Don't forget, I have this show. I've seen it a ton. Rude gives Steamboat a few hard shots to the kisser, so Steamboat comes back with a few of his own. Rude tosses Steamboat over the top, much like the participants in a special match later tonight will need to do, but Steamboat SKINS THE CAT back in. Once back in, he backdrops Rude over the top to the floor. Rude comes back in, and we have a TEST OF STRENGTH. Steamboat breaks the knucklelock of Rude, and takes him down, applying an armbar. Steamboat gives Rude an armdrag when shot into the ropes, and reapplies the armbar. Steamboat gives Rude a double chop, and an armdrag. Steamboat elbows Rude's arm, and splashes onto it. Rude gives Steamboat a back elbow after shooting him into the ropes, and attempts to gain control by ramming Steamboat's head into the buckle. Steamboat gives Rude another armdrag, and I've gotta point out, it's been armbars for 8 minutes, now. That's a lot of armbar. Steamboat knees Rude in the shoulder, and Rude comes back with another back elbow. Then he hits Steamboat in the back with a running knee, knocking Steamboat to the floor. He rams Steamboat's back into the ring apron, and slams him. He poses, and suplexes Steamboat back into the ring, getting a 2 count. Now, we go to the chinlock. A chinlock where Steamboat lets his arm fall 3 times, and raises it on the fourth. Yeah, that was a mistake. Steamboat picks Rude up on his shoulders, and drops him to the canvas. That was impressive. He goes for a running splash, but lands on Rude's knees. Rude gouges Steamboat's eyes, and gives him an atomic drop, for 2. Steamboat rams Rude's head into a turnbuckle 10 times, and chops him to the canvas, getting 2 on the pinfall. Rude takes Steamboat down with a headlock, and Steamboat bridges from the pin into a backslide, for 2. Here come the rapid 2 counts that I love. Steamboat rolls Rude up for 2, then tries a jackknife roll-up, getting 2. Rude goes for an inside cradle that gets 2, and Steamboat reverses it, getting 2. Rude gets a clothesline for 2, and tries a suplex. Steamboat blocks it and suplexes Rude, before going to the top. Steamboat goes for a crossbody, but Rude pulls the referee in front of him, to block the maneuver. Rude puts Steamboat in an argentine backbreaker for the submission, as the referee rings the bell at 17:41. HOWEVER, as Rude walks to the back, the announcement is made that STEAMBOAT wins the match by disqualification.   Match Analysis: **, for the torrid pace at the end of the match, which is typical of most Steamboat matches. That said, it was nowhere near the other matches I've seen between the two. ___________________   Gene Okerlund's with Jesse Ventura, as we do the DINO BRAVO BENCHPRESS IN AN ATTEMPT TO BREAK THE WORLD RECORD. Sorry, we're going to fastforward until the end, because the beginning and middle are unimportant. We're at 715 pounds, 10 pounds above the record of 705. Bravo nearly walks off, because of the booing. He comes back and presses the weight, but he needs the assistance of Jesse in order to get it back to the bar. CHEATER. Thankfully, that's that. ___________________   Our next match is the Jumping Bomb Angels vs. The Glamour Girls w/Jimmy Hart in a 2 out of 3 falls match for the Ladies Tag Team Titles. The Glamour Girls are Leilani Kai and Judy Martin.   - Thanks to this idiotic commentary team, we don't find out the Angels names until the second fall. Sure, I've watched them before, but I don't know their names that well. So I have to go this route.   - The Angels do some cool stuff, but not as much as they did in that match on PrimeTime that I rated. I'll link to this...Martin gives one of the Angels an alleyoop, which gets the Glamour Girls fall #1, at 6:11. I'm going strictly off the commentary, which could be wrong.   - Although Vince said the Angels names during the 2nd fall, he never established which was which. Too late anyway. A sunset flip in by one of the Angels gets them the second fall at 8:20. 1-1.   - This match isn't as good as their match from PTW, either. Anyhow, one of the Angels misses a senton, which gives me the thought that a miss of that move must be one of the hardest bumps you can take in that hard ring the WWF used to have. Anyhow, the Angels win the match and the titles with a double dropkick, at 15:21. I used a running time method, even though there were breaks in between falls. **1/2. Here's the link to the other match between these two...   http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/blog/kingo...?showentry=2410 ___________________   We flashback to WrestleMania III, where Andre nearly pinned Hulk Hogan on Hogan's first bodyslam attempt. This is basically a run of clips leading to the Andre/Hogan contract signing for the MAIN EVENT. Ted DiBiase says he's going to buy the title...Hogan needs to make a decision on whether to sell the belt or not...and he says HELL NO. DiBiase still thinks Hogan has a price, and on SNME, Andre attacked Hogan. If Andre wins the title, he says he'll sell it.   And here comes Andre, as we start the contract signing. I think it's weird to see a show this old (and not taking place at the Garden) taking place in a building that's still around. That said, the place was UGLY on the inside. Here comes Hogan, wearing white. DiBiase and Virgil are there, as is Jack Tunney. Andre won't sit down for a while, but eventually, he does. I wish Andre would've slammed Hogan through the table, but after both men sign the contract, he rams Hogan's face into the table and turns the table over, on top of Hogan. Ha. I love Andre's attitude. ___________________   Before the ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH, I noticed that a kid wearing a Hulkster headband is nearly crying. Poor kid. Anyhow, here we are.   Blow-by-blow: The first entrant in the history of the Royal Rumble is...BRET HART. I find that fitting, not meant in a negative way, of course. And second, is TITO SANTANA. Hart works Santana over, and #3 is BUTCH REED. I'm going to say this early, the times between entry are completely random. This isn't every man for himself, it's face vs. heel tactics. And #4 is JIM NEIDHART. The heels work over Santana, and for some reason, they aren't able to throw him out. During that, Bret nearly KILLS Tito with a piledriver. So #5 is JAKE ROBERTS. And boy, does the crowd go nuts. He eliminates Butch Reed from behind, at 5:22. Roberts then tries to DDT Bret, but Neidhart clotheslines him, stopping all that. #6 is HARLEY RACE. I can't really do Jake's psychology justice, in a match like this, it only helps to make the match all the better. I can't say all that much in between entrants unless there are eliminations, so #7 is JIM BRUNZELL, and #8 is SAM HOUSTON. The Harts try to hit Sam, but Anvil hits Bret on accident. The Hart Foundation tosses Tito out, at 10:40. The time between eliminations is long, but to me, it's flying by. #9 is DANGEROUS DANNY DAVIS. Davis and Houston brawl, as Roberts has Race on the seesaw. You know, when he'd sit on the second rope and rock back and forth after being hit. #10 is BORIS ZHUKOV, who goes straight for Sam Houston. And #11 is DON MURACO, who's attacked by Nikolai Volkoff in the aisle. But see, Volkoff's not allowed in, and the reason for him having come out is attributed to him not understanding English. Well, Brunzell and Jake dumps Zhukov at 15:16, so Volkoff won't have help from his tag partner. So yeah, #12 is NIKOLAI VOLKOFF. Harley Race gets thrown out by Muraco, at 16:50. #13 is JIM DUGGAN, and as Race is walking to the back, he takes a swing at Duggan, who chases him to the back. #14 is RON BASS, who does nothing. Volkoff throws out Brunzell at 20:50, and #15 is B. BRIAN BLAIR. In a funny sight, Bret's kneepads are at his feet. #16 is HILLBILLY JIM, who backdrops Neidhart over the top at 22:50. #17 is DINO BRAVO, who enters just before Bass tosses Houston out from on top of his shoulders at 24:19. Yeah, Houston was sitting on top of Bass' shoulders. #18 is the ULTIMATE WARRIOR, who enters right before Muraco throws our ironman, Bret Hart, out of the ring at 25:40. #19 is the ONE MAN GANG, who comes right in and tosses Blair out, at 26:56. Then he tosses Jake Roberts out, at 27:10. Our last entrant, at #20, is the JUNKYARD DOG. Duggan gets rid of Volkoff, at 28:18, and quickly after, Gang gets rid of Hillbilly Jim at 28:31. Duggan then gives Davis a three point stance clothesline, knocking him out at 29:06, and then, Bravo and Gang get rid of the ULTIMATE WARRIOR at 29:22. Bass then dumps the JYD at 29:44, and Bass is quickly dumped by Muraco at 29:56. So, they waited until the end to do the rapid-fire eliminations. Our final four is Don Muraco, the One Man Gang, Dino Bravo and Jim Duggan. For some reason, Frenchy Martin gets on the ring apron, and Muraco dropkicks him off. Gang clotheslines Muraco over the top rope at 31:07, so we have a 2 on 1 situation. Gang accidentally eliminates Dino Bravo by charging into him at 32:20, when he meant to charge into Duggan. So we're at 2, and when Gang charges towards Duggan, Duggan ducks and pulls down the top rope, forcing Gang to fly over the top at 33:19. So, Jim Duggan wins the FIRST ROYAL RUMBLE.   Match Analysis: Slower than most Rumbles, probably because the guys hadn't worked in this kind of match before. Anyhow, the lack of star power sorta hurt this one, although you could see that this match was going to be a success from day 1. The crowd loved it. ***1/4. ___________________   Craig DeGeorge is with Hulk Hogan, who rips his shirt off and talks a lot of trash about Andre the Giant. ___________________   So, our last match on the night is the Young Stallions vs. The Islanders, a 2 out of 3 falls match.   Blow-by-blow: Powers and Tama start things off, but Tama doesn't really want to fight, so he ducks under the top rope. Tama comes back to the action and gouges Powers eyes, but Powers comes back with a scoop slam, causing Tama to go to the outside. Bobby Heenan's in Barbados, explaining his absence. Tama wants to shake hands with Powers, but Powers gives him an atomic drop. And then, Vince McMahon calls the bench press stuff boring. So why'd you book it? Powers misses a charge to the corner, so Haku and Roma tag in. Roma gives Haku an armwringer, but Haku gives him a shoulderblock. After, Roma tries to give Haku a hiptoss, but Haku reverses it into an UGLY one of his own, that looked like an armdrag. Roma gives Haku a crossbody for 2, and then he tags in his partner, as they give Haku a double back elbow for 2. Tama tags in, and slams Powers. He misses an elbowdrop, and tags in Haku, who gives Powers a back elbow for 2. Tama goes up top when he tags in, and gives Powers a flying chop. And then, he tags in Haku, and along with Tama, gives Powers a double headbutt. Haku misses a charge to the corner, and they both clothesline each other. The camera shows Tama's feet, and Vince makes this idiotic comment about how his toes are such that he could hang upside down. So naturally, Jesse calls him a racist, and starts talking about how Jimmy the Greek was replaced for a comment like that. Roma and Tama tag in, and Roma gives Tama a clothesline. He follows it up with a dropkick and a backdrop, and he dropkicks Tama again for 2. Tama then tosses Roma over the top, as Haku pulled the top rope down. So Roma's knee is hurt after landing funny, and he gets counted out at 7:53, to end the first fall. The Stallions go back to the dressing room for Roma to get treatment on his knee, so we see...   The Andre/Hogan stuff from earlier. Andre, DiBiase and Virgil are with DeGeorge, and the first two cut a promo on Hogan. Joey Marella (the referee of the current match) and the Islanders are in the ring, shootin' the shit. Funny. DeGeorge interrupts Andre once, so Andre elbows him in the gut. Haha.   The Stallions now come back to the ring, and we begin again. Roma must start the second fall, because he ended the last one. Tama works on Roma's leg and slams him, but eats knees on a splash attempt. Roma makes the tag to Powers, and Powers backdrops Haku for 2. The crowd is, uh, mostly gone. Powers gives Haku a clothesline and elbow for 2, and a dropkick for another 2 count. Powers then gives Haku a suplex for 2, and a back elbow. Powers begins to ram Haku's head into the mat, but that doesn't hurt at all, so Haku hits him in the gut. Tama comes in quickly and headbutts Powers, before tagging out again. When Haku comes in, the Islanders give Powers a double headbutt. Powers cradles Haku for 2, but sure enough, Haku comes right back with a backbreaker, for 2. Tama tags in, and gives Powers a flying back elbow. He then says, "COME ON SUCKA." Heh. Tama gets a snapmare for 2, and tags in Haku. Haku gets a dropkick for 2, and then a gutwrench suplex for 2. He applies an abdominal stretch, but Powers counters with a hiptoss. Haku slams Powers, but misses a rolling senton. Powers tries to tag Roma, but he can't, until Haku misses a dropkick. I don't really know why he tagged in Roma, but Haku and Tama went to town on the poor guy. Tama went up top without tagging in and splashed on his leg, and Haku forced Roma to submit with a half crab at 14:59.   We have a final word from Jesse and Vince, which ends the show.   Match Analysis: The crowd didn't care, but I liked it. Haku went through almost his entire moveset, which was good. **1/4, because it didn't feel like a waste of 15 minutes. ___________________   Rating: Decent. All of the matches were solid, and we had the debut of a new concept match. Unfortunately, there aren't many heavy hitters on this show, so I don't recommend watching this more than once. It gets boring after the first few times, and this time, I was starting to feel bored.   Best Segment: The Royal Rumble. Easy.   Worst Segment: The Dino Bravo World Record Benchpress. I don't think anyone cared.   Loudest Sound: Jake Roberts, Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant and Ted DiBiase. I guess that's a copout to not name anyone surprising. ___________________   Next will be a Random Thoughts piece, which'll be up on Monday.
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Review: WWF Prime Time Wrestling, 8/3/87.

This show sucked. SUCKED. ___________________   Ravishing Rick Rude vs. Jerry Allen. No Heenan at ringside for the match, and Rude went through that whole routine of taking his robe off. It was very, hell, I forgot the word. Un-refined. Anyway, since the show was so bad, I'm not wasting my time typing out entire match reviews. At 7:12, Rude gave Allen a backbreaker, and Allen quit. 1/2*. ___________________   Next up was a clip of Sherri Martel winning the Women's Title from Moolah. Never seen that before.   Following that, Ted DiBiase bought himself the most expensive suite in his hotel. It was the honeymoon suite, and it was already booked. SO, Virgil made the newlyweds leave. The Million Dollar man goes into his thing about how everyone's got a price..MWHAHAHAHAHA. He didn't laugh, but it's necessary.   Last and definitely least, Ron Bass cuts a rambling promo about how Miss Betsy, his bullwhip, does justice. I like his Florida work, but up north...no. ___________________   Outback Jack goes up against Johnny K-9, and it ends with an Outback bulldog at 3:13. DUD. ___________________   Finally something else I can watch. It's Jake Roberts in the SNAKE PIT with Macho Man Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth. Savage says that nothing can stop him, and he'll somehow get the Intercontinental Title back. Which is funny, cause he's still a heel. But don't mind that. He'd turn soon after. ___________________   Johnny V faces Brutus Beefcake at Boston Garden, and Beefcake applies the sleeper, causing Johnny V to pass out and lose at 3:26. Beefcake cuts Johnny V's hair, and spraypaints an orange V across the chest of Johnny, and spraypaints Johnny's hair. 1/4*. Very, very forgettable. ___________________   Dino Bravo faces Brady Boon, and I'll be honest. This is around the point where I said fuck it, in regards to typing a full review. The Santana/Volkoff match confirmed it. Boon looks a LOT like Billy Jack Haynes. Bravo finishes him with the side suplex at 10:46. WAY TOO LONG. 1/2*. ___________________   The HART FOUNDATION grant Gene Okerlund with their presence...too bad they didn't say anything worth writing down.   Now, the neckbrace thing with Bobby Heenan was summarized. Cause, you know, he wasn't wearing it this time. Gorilla Monsoon gave him a gold-painted brick...now that was funny. ___________________   Nikolai Volkoff faces Tito Santana. THANK GOODNESS this was Joined in Progress. I couldn't imagine it otherwise. Volkoff applied a bearhug for about 4 minutes...this was not something I'd like to relive. DUD. Match went around 8 minutes, I didn't time it. I knew I was going to type a short review after watching this DOG. ___________________   Speaking of DOGS, we have the Junkyard Dog and Rick Martel teaming up to take on the WWF Tag Team Champions, The Hart Foundation. That's Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart, duh.   Anyway, this match was miles ahead of the others. However, that doesn't make it any good. The Harts give JYD a HART ATTACK, but the HART FOUNDATION is disqualified because they were both in the ring for too long. LAME. *. Went 12:23, which was way too long. JYD was so deteriorated that it was a sad sight. ___________________   Rating: Poor   Best Match: Hart Foundation vs. JYD and Rick Martel   Worst Match: Tito Santana vs. Nikolai Volkoff. If I wasn't expecting the match to be that bad, I'd have given it a negative rating.   Loudest Sound: JYD, Rick Martel and Rick Rude. Pretty good pop for his entrance.   No Sound: Everyone else, except the Hart Foundation and Tito Santana. ___________________     The line-up for the next few shows looks good, so I'll give them full reviews. Honestly, it wasn't worth my time to type all that garbage up. It's different for PPV's and some house shows, but not this. This was just BORING.   NWA is next. When I review the Greatest Wrestling Families thing coming up on this update, the review is going to be my own thoughts on each family, NOT on what the DVD program is about. Basically an opinion piece, I guess.
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Review: WWF Prime Time Wrestling, 8/17/87.

Need to do this, and I didn't watch it last night because I was in an awful mood. I probably won't review the Jesse Ventura stuff at all, because nothing catches my eye. ___________________   The first match on the show, is a non-title match, between the Young Stallions and The Hart Foundation (WWF Tag Team Champions) w/Danny Davis and Jimmy Hart. If there's a non-title match, it's usually a clue something's up. Mr. T comes to the ring for some reason, which we'll see at the end of the match. He and Davis stare down, until the match begins. Bret gives Powers a backbreaker, then rams his head into the foot of Neidhart. Danny Davis gives us a promo, inside of a box that pops up on the upper left corner, and Bret gives Powers an elbow from the 2nd rope, during a Neidhart backbreaker. Bret gives Powers a suplex, and tags in Neidhart, who slams Powers, then tags Bret back in. Roma tags in and dropkicks both members of the Hart Foundation, then rams Neidhart into Bret. Unfortunately, Roma charges into the buckle, but gets dropped to the canvas, and rolled up by Bret as Bret's feet are on the ropes, leading to the 3 count at 2:56. HOWEVER, MR. T comes down the aisle, and convenes with the referee, who reverses the decision as a result of Bret's cheating. Hence the non-title stipulation, see. *1/4. Kinda dumb. ___________________   Killer Khan vs. Lanny Poffo is joined in progress, unfortunately. I like Poffo. Khan finishes the match with a kneedrop off the top rope. No mist, this time. ___________________   Heenan and Monsoon trade a few jokes about the uvula...you can look it up if you want.   Special Report with Craig DeGeorge about Bam Bam Bigelow...Jesse Ventura is with Jimmy Hart, and Hart is out of the running for Bigelow. Classy Freddie Blassie pops up on the screen, and basically says, he wouldn't want to manage Bigelow either.   Now, a clip of Don Muraco and Cowboy Bob Orton fighting after a match, they brawl into the crowd and the clip cuts away.   WWF Magazine time, and it's about the One Man Gang. Jack Tunney put him on probation for a year after Gang attacked a whole bunch of jobbers and front suplexed them all, so Slick has a bit to say about that. He really doesn't care. ___________________   The next match is Outlaw Ron Bass w/Miss Betsy vs. Sonny Rogers. Miss Betsy, his whip, is really loud. Bass gives Rogers a back elbow, elbowdrop and hiptoss, then press slams him onto the top rope. Bass chokes him, then gives Rogers a right to the face. A clothesline and facebuster finish for Bass at 1:59. Haven't seen a squash in a while, so it's welcome. 1/2*. ___________________   Gene Okerlund's with Ted DiBiase and Virgil, DiBiase says he's going for the World Title, then gives Okerlund money for a new tie. Heh. ___________________   It's Koko B. Ware vs. Nikolai Volkoff from the Spectrum next. Oh no, I have to listen to Dick Graham. Volkoff's upset at the USA chanting, and Koko avoids a charge to the corner. Volkoff gives Koko a choke toss, but misses another charge, and Koko goes to work on Volkoff's left arm. Koko gives Volkoff an armwringer, and headbutts him. Volkoff dumps Koko though, and gives him a knee to the face to keep him on the outside. Then Volkoff does a cartwheel, which makes no sense, given Koko's earlier arm work. Idiotic. We go to a   commercial break   and come back with Koko coming back into the ring with a sunset flip, for 2. A Volkoff headbutt does nothing, so Koko returns the favor for 2. Volkoff applies a headvice, and then tries a scoop slam, but Koko goes through and winds up behind Volkoff, then rolls up Volkoff for 2. Koko catches Volkoff trying to give him a big boot, and gives Volkoff an atomic drop for 2. Volkoff misses a charge and gets sat on by Koko, and then Koko goes up for a fistdrop that gets 2. Koko rams Volkoff's head into the buckle after a double collision, but misses a charge, and Volkoff gives him a double underhook suplex for 2. He gives Koko a backbreaker, but during the cover, Koko's foot is on the bottom rope. Koko hits Volkoff a few times and goes up top, giving him a missile dropkick for the win at 12:10 (my time, with the Heenan and Monsoon banter included). 3/4*, and the cartwheel was a gigantic WTF moment. ___________________   Sir Oliver Humperdink makes his debut and talks a lot of trash about Bobby Heenan, so Heenan comes out to the stage. And Humperdink pushes him off! Wow. Heenan slipped when hitting the ground, and would have been badly injured had he not regained his balance. Strange debut, to say the least. ___________________   George the Animal Steele is facing Cowboy Bob Orton next, in what will likely be a strange matchup. Lanny Poffo and Don Muraco are on commentary. WHAT? Steele chases Orton out of the ring, and when Orton comes back in, Steele rams Orton's head into the turnbuckle. Orton gives Steele a backbreaker, then goes up top for a pump splash, which gets 2. Steele bites Orton, but gets clotheslined over the top. Steele pulls Orton to the floor, but Orton rams his head into the table that the ringbell sits on. Steele throws a chair into the ring and bites Orton, then grabs another chair, and hits Orton with it. He misses on his next swing, and both men brawl to the back, at 3:02. That said, the decision is that Bob Orton wins by DQ, I guess the referee was too scared to disqualify Steele, though. 1/2*. Steele bites the turnbuckle, when he comes back to the ring. That's no surprise. ___________________   Bobby Heenan's gushing about this guy named Ravishing Rick Rude, well, he's facing Scott Casey. Casey and Brady Boone look so alike that Alfred calls Casey, "Boone," once during the match. Rude goes through the whole routine where he takes his robe off, and this being Philadelphia, the crowd actually likes it. Go figure. Casey gives Rude an armdrag and a hiptoss, so Rude stalls. Rude gets armdragged and slammed again, and gets crossbodied for 2. Rude bails and comes back in, but we go to a   commercial break   and come back with an armwringer applied on Rude. Casey misses a charge to the corner, and Rude gives Casey a suplex, which gets 1. It got one because Rude wasn't done with Casey, see. Rude slams Casey and goes up top, giving him an ugly fistdrop that didn't even hit Casey, for 2. Rude goes to the chinlock, but doesn't hold it for long, and gives Casey a kneelift and double stomp. Rude then poses, and gives Casey a chestbreaker. He poses somemore, and applies a sleeper after another chinlock. Casey reverses it and gives Rude a backdrop, but gets caught with a knee by Rude and given a slingshot suplex by Rude, for the pinfall at 11:44. **. ___________________   The last match, finally, is the Junkyard Dog vs. the One Man Gang w/Slick. I actually like the Gang, so I'll enjoy this. Jake Roberts and Muraco are on commentary. What the fuck. They slug it out, and JYD rams OMG to the buckle. The battle of three letter acronyms!!! JYD clotheslines him and applies a hammerlock, but OMG rams him into the turnbuckle. OMG's punches to the head of JYD do nothing, so JYD gives him an armwringer which takes him to the ground, and gives him a legdrop. OMG beats up JYD in the corner, but JYD comes back with a headbutt. Then JYD GETS ON ALL FOURS, and delivers multiple headbutts to OMG. Slick gets on the apron and gives Gang the cane, but both JYD and OMG fight over it, and in the process, hit the referee with it, disqualifying both men at 6:25. JYD takes control of the cane, and hits OMG with it, knocking him out of the ring. He tries to break the cane, but the referee steals it, and gives it back to Slick. I liked that much more than I probably should have, so *1/4.   That's the end of the show, which like the last match, I liked more than I should have. ___________________   Rating: Decent. Have to repost the different rating scale (Excellent, great, good, decent, poor, bad, absolutely terrible). Yeah, decent. I enjoyed the segments in the middle of the show. Had to get rid of above-average, it didn't make much sense.   Best Segment: Ted DiBiase giving Gene Okerlund money for a new tie. It was har-har-har time.   Worst Segment: Young Stallions vs. the Hart Foundation. While the match was fine, I loathe, LOATHE MR. T's involvement, and non-title matches. Especially when the reason was as obvious as this.   Recapping reactions makes no sense, in this case. ___________________   I'm going to do something and have it up tomorrow, but I'm not sure yet. NWA or ECW, because I want to knock out an easy review. Then the Boston show will be up on Tuesday.
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Review: WWF Prime Time Wrestling, 8/10/87.

I said I had to get this out of the way, so for once, I'll keep my promise and do so. ___________________   We start the show, with Randy Savage w/Elizabeth vs. Brady Boone. Savage gives Boone an armdrag, but misses a charge into the corner, as Boone backflips away. Boone gives Savage a dropkick, but Savage comes back with a shoulderblock, so Boone counter with a rana, forcing Savage to bail out of the ring. On the inside, Boone gets a shoulderblock, and tries another rana, but Savage gives him a powerbomb. He gives Boone a snapmare and a kneedrop, then dumps Boone to the outside. Savage follows, and rams him into the ring apron before throwing him back in the ring. Boone gives him a kneelift on the inside, but misses a moonsault block. Savage gives him a clothesline, and drops Boone along the top rope, before tossing him out of the ring. Bombs away from the top turnbuckle (you know, axhandle to the outside), and inside the ring, bodyslam, SAVAGE ELBOW for 3 at 4:19. As good as a squash can be, IMO. **. ___________________   Just what I wanted, a Hillbilly Jim match. He's facing "The Natural" Butch Reed. Jim tries to shake hands, but Reed won't do it. Reed tries a shoulderblock, but it doesn't move Jim. Jim gives him a headbutt, but Reed misses a kneedrop after putting Jim down. Hillbilly grabs his legs, and kneedrops Reed in the nuts. Jim says to the crowd that Reed is "unnatural," and we go to a   commercial break.   Back from the break with a Test of Strength, and Hillbilly wins it, then stomps on the hand of Reed. Reed gives Jim a back elbow, then dumps Jim to the outside. Reed slams him on the inside for 2, and chokes him. Jim gets a big boot, and then both wrestlers miss elbowdrops. Reed gives him a high knee, and a clothesline from off the 2nd rope for 3, at 10:58. Not entertaining, but by Jim's standards, not bad either. That's a bad thing. 1/4*. ___________________   Now, the usual mid-part of the show, with the interviews, vignettes and such.   Gene Okerlund's with Jake Roberts to discuss the Honky Tonk Man, and once that's over, since Okerlund referenced Heenan's fake injury, Heenan feels the need to call him a Hitler lookalike. Heh.   The Million Dollar Man makes Rob Van Dam an eager young man kiss his foot for 100 dollars.   And now, a Special Report on Superstar Billy Graham, after which Graham cuts a promo, unfortunately, I couldn't really understand it. Nothing like the promos from earlier in his career, which I enjoyed. ___________________   Lastly, Craig DeGeorge has an interview with Rick Martel, who bemoans his state of affairs in the WWF, now that Tom Zenk has left. Martel's ready to go at it alone. ___________________   For the WWF Women's Tag Team Titles, it's the challengers, the Jumping Bomb Angels vs. Leilani Kai and Judy Martin, the champions. Martin gets dropkicked, and she's given a double clothesline at the beginning of the match. Tateno gets a flying forearm, and Yamazaki tags in, slingshotting herself into the ring with a dropkick. She gets a gutwrench suplex, but Kai rams Tateno into the corner once both tag in. Tateno bridges out of a cradle, but gets slammed by Martin. Martin misses an elbowdrop, and Yamazaki gets an armdrag from the top rope. Kai tries a big boot, but gets caught, and both the Jumping Bomb Angels apply figure-four leglocks to their opponents. Tateno gets a legdrop, and Yamazaki applies a figure four. Yamazaki gives Kai a bow and arrow surfboard type thing, before Martin breaks it up. Tateno gets a bodyscissor, as we go to the   commercial break.   Kai slams Tateno, but Tateno bridges out of the pin. Martin gives her a big boot, then drops her from a fireman's carry position onto the knee of Kai. Kai chokes Tateno, but Tateno rolls her up for 2. Martin comes in and chokes Tateno, then tags Kai, who accidentally gives Martin a double axhandle off the top. Yamazaki tags in and gets a crossbody, and then whips Kai into Martin. Yamazaki gets a bodyslam, and Tateno gets a flying kneedrop off the top rope. Yamazaki gets a crossbody from the top, but Martin picks Yamazaki up and powerbombs her. Kai pins Yamazaki after the powerbomb and gets the win, at 11:22. ***. Good stuff. ___________________   Now, Hercules faces Billy Jack Haynes from Madison Square Garden, and I hate to say it, but I don't review matches that are joined in progress. It ended in a 30 minute draw, and was ***. Whoever gave these two 30 minutes was nuts, but it worked out better than I could have imagined. ___________________   The last match on the show, is a WWF Tag Team Championship match, and it's the British Bulldogs w/Matilda vs. the champions, The Hart Foundation w/Jimmy Hart. Bret starts the match with Davey, but quickly as I write that down, Neidhart tags in. The Anvil chokes him, and Hart does the same, with the tag rope. Neidhart shoulderblocks Bret on accident, so Dynamite comes in with a snap suplex for 2. Davey comes in quickly and applies a chinlock, but the ropes are reached by Bret. Davey gets a crucifix for 2, then Dynamite comes in and gets a slam for 2. Really liking the tempo thus far. Davey comes in, and the Bulldogs give Bret a double headbutt. A Davey fisherman suplex(!) gets 2, and now, both wrestlers switch out. Neidhart and Dynamite are in the ring, as we go to a   commercial break.   Neidhart's choking Dynamite with his boot, and on the outside, he rams Dynamite into the guardrail. Bret walks by and calls a fan a "little jerk," and on the inside, Neidhart gives Dynamite a backbreaker, followed by a Bret elbowdrop from the 2nd rope for 2. Bret gives him a few European uppercuts and tries a bodyslam, but Dynamite falls on top for 2. Bret applies a front facelock on Dynamite to keep Davey from tagging in, so of course, we get the 'distract the ref, then tag, but the ref didn't see' spot, but Bret gets rammed into the turnbuckle afterward, at 100 MPH. Like always, right. Davey finally gets in, with a clothesline and monkeyflip. A kneedrop from the 2nd rope gets 2, and a suplex gets 2. The count is so fucking slow, I just now noticed and it's starting to hurt my enjoyment of the match. Davey gets the RUNNING POWERSLAM for 2, but Bret's foot is on the ropes. Bret has to apply something to get Davey settled down, and it's the sleeper. Dynamite headbutts Bret, as the Anvil's still out on the floor. Davey press slams Bret, but drops him on the top rope, crotching Bret. Ouch. Davey tries to bodyslam Bret, but gets tripped up, and covered by Bret for the win, at 11:00. My time went through the sequence where Monsoon and Heenan talked in the studio, so the time isn't exact. That's the case for every match on PTW that goes to a break. The Harts retain their titles, but at the end of the match, Matilda (a bulldog, if you didn't know) chases Jimmy Hart, as poor Jimmy gets his clothes ripped off, and Jimmy gets press slammed out of the ring onto Neidhart. ***1/4, yeah, ref's count was bad. Otherwise, this was worth tracking down. Loved it. ___________________   To end the show, we have a comedy bit where Heenan pays Monsoon $100 to announce him as a host on the show, but Monsoon pockets the money, and says he won't do it. Cheater.   Anyhow, show's over. ___________________   Rating: Great. Has to be, a TV show like that. Expectations were met, here. Loved everything except the Reed/Hillbilly match.   Best Match: The British Bulldogs vs. The Hart Foundation for the WWF Tag Team Titles. Self explanatory, but Herc/Billy Jack was fun too.   Worst Match: Butch Reed vs. Hillbilly Jim. Obviously.   Loudest sound doesn't matter, everything's from a different venue. ___________________   I'm afraid that Survivor Series 1994 might get taken down and replaced with what's supposed to be shown, so I'll watch it today and have the review up sometime tomorrow. I know it has some shitty matches, but I really wanted to see the show. Mainly for Bret/Backlund. Until then...
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Review: WWF Prime Time Wrestling, 7/27/87.

I typed this out last night, and decided to post it today. So, here.   ___________________   We start in the studio, with Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan.   Before we go to the first match (when I say we, I mean us, the viewers) there's a Bigelow vignette that shows the tattoos on his head and that he looks like a rough and tumble, mean son of a bitch.   Sivi Afi v. Macho Man Randy Savage. Savage is my favorite wrestler, so if it ever seems like there's any bias toward him, well, there is. Take that. Afi pulls off a flying head scissors off the top rope and a rana IN FUCKING 1987. What the fuck. He misses a Dynamite-ish flying headbutt off the top rope, and gets dumped to the outside. Savage does his axehandle from the top rope to the outside, then tosses Afi back in. Savage Elbow finishes at 2:16. To give a little bit of insight to my rankings, I would usually give this sort of match *. But for the rana, at that time, I add 1/2*. That's not something you see in '87. The rating is *1/2.   ___________________   Gorilla and Heenan argue about whether or not Heenan has signed Bigelow, and this is the trend for the entire show. As that is the case, I won't reference it again.   Now, we go to the Boston Garden for the next match, One Man Gang vs. Jose Luis Rivera. The rest of the matches are from the Garden, from this same Garden show. Looking at the entire card, it's crap. Most of what they show here isn't, but I would never pay for a show with the headliners on this card. Bruno is the draw, here. Just a squash. Punch, choke. Front suplex finishes at 4:13. DUD.   ___________________   Then, back from the break, the Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase, is throwing money to the crowd. Not because he's a nice guy, as he so elequently states, but rather because he loves to watch people beg.   That's followed with a special report with Craig DeGeorge, about Dangerous Danny Davis. I WOULD say to fastforward, but there's some good, lesser seen highlights here. Probably my favorite part of this show, and I marked for the Savage/Santana IC title change.   ___________________   The next match is Dino Bravo w/Johnny V v. Scott Casey.   Casey starts off the action with an atomic drop, hiptoss, scoop slam and armdrag. Another armdrag, and the armwringer sequence is ended with a Bravo chop. Inverted atomic drop by Dino, and Casey is tossed out. Chinlock by Bravo, then a back elbow. A gutwrench suplex and legdrop by Bravo follows, and Casey tries to reverse the tide with a backdrop. However, the tide does not stay reversed, as Dino hits his side suplex for the win at 6:00. *1/4, I've seen WAY worse.   ___________________   Heenan says Bam Bam Bigelow was the one to approach him about being managed by the Brain, as we segue to a MACHO MAN OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEAHHHHHH promo. He says he'll be the next World Champioon, and that the Madness is UP HERE and   Hulkamania is DOWN HERE.   ___________________   Cowboy Bob Orton v. Jerry Allen is the next match. The WWF should have kept Allen and pushed him. I mean it. Allen goes up and elbows Orton almost immediately, then crossbody's Orton for a two count. Orton gives Allen a delayed back suplex and kneedrop. Orton then dumps Allen to the concrete floor. Allen tries a sunset flip in, but Orton holds the ropes so he doesn't go down for a count. Orton goes up for a pump splash, but he eats knees. An Allen hiptoss and dropkick gets one, as Orton's feet are on the ropes. Allen brings it to the center for a 2 count, and then Orton gives Allen an inverted atomic drop. Orton stomps on his face, and gives him a backbreaker after parading Allen around the ring while holding him, and then an Orton superplex finishes at 6:27. I enjoyed it, but there are some flaws in this match. I'll still give it **.   ___________________   It's Paul Roma vs. Shadow #1. I'm not giving this a full review, although it was better than I thought it would be. Roma is disgustingly juiced. Seriously, it's gross. The highlight of the match was Roma taking a sick bump to the concrete, after missing a crossbody on #1 while he was tied in the ropes. He missed the ropes entirely instead of grabbing them to slow himself down a bit, and he landed right on HIS FUCKING HEAD. I can't believe he got up from that. Flying crossbody huh, you ain't kidding. Roma won the match, it was **.   ___________________   To Studio G we go, and Gorilla exposes Heenan as faking his neck injury, when he brings in a doctor that says the x-ray of "Heenan's neck" is that of a young woman. Heenan storms off without his neckbrace. He sold this injury for a long time.   Jim Powers vs. Shadow #2. I'm not watching that shit. Put the two teams in a tag match and save everyone the trouble. Powers won, I FF'd through the entire match. I don't do that often, but if it's some bullshit like that, I am. Never during PPV's, though.   ___________________   We come back from the commercial and Gorilla has on a neckbrace of his own. Funny shit.   The feature match is Tito Santana vs. the Magnificent Muraco.   They both lockup and trade armwringers, and Muraco begins to stall. Please, don't. Then we have what looked to be a blown spot, as both guys are trying moves as Santana comes off the ropes, and they ram right into each other. Muraco works on the left knee, a neckbreaker, spinning toehold and grapevine type hold are the high points of this leg work, and when attempting to reapply a spinning toehold, Tito kicks Muraco and Muraco flies into the steel ring post. Tito sells the knee pretty well, until Muraco clotheslines him in the corner. Then Muraco charges into the corner and Tito rolls through with a sunset flip for the win at 8:22. *. Bob Orton and Muraco have words after the match, and after their words, Muraco decides to shake Santana's hand. In no uncertain terms, Orton tells Muraco to screw himself.   And that's it!     Rating: Above-average. Since a lot of the matches on the Prime Time show are similar and formulaic, I base my rating on the vignettes and promos. They delivered, this time.
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Review: WWF Prime Time Wrestling, 12/21/92.

Problem with the shorties section, I'm not doing them. There's nothing obscure, and almost everything they're posting defeats the point of reviewing the entire shows that they're on when they get around to putting them up. Unless there's something like Flair/Perfect from the 3rd RAW, I'm not going to review it. That DOES mean I'll be adding Regal/Finlay to whatever else obscure gets put up. Sorry for that, what they're putting up is bugging the shit out of me, and I can barely even get around to watching it. ___________________   First match of 15, is Yokozuna w/Mr. Fuji vs. Kevin Kruger. As I've said, I don't do squashes on the NWA or PTW shows. It ends at 2:something with a Banzai Drop. Sorry for the lack of time, I was caught in la-la-land about something that happened yesterday, and forgot to time it. *. ___________________   Reverend Slick(!) follows this up with a promo. WOW. Haven't seen the Rev. Slick gimmick in a LONG time. Great stuff. ___________________   The 2nd match is Big Bossman vs. Barry Hardy. DOINK THE CLOWN comes to the aisleway, and ties something to the guardrails. Well, Bossman wins after a Bossman Slam at 2:something (again, sorry). He goes to the back after handcuffing Hardy to the bottom rope, and we see what was tied onto the guardrails. It's a TRIPWIRE. I really laughed. Bossman trips over it, and Doink laughs at him. *. ___________________   Bill Koby faces Kamala w/Kimchee and Harvey Wippleman next. The big splash gets the pin at 1:56. Kamala couldn't quite figure out how to pin Koby, so they rolled around on the mat for a good sized portion of the match. RETARDED. DUD. The announcers said that Kamala's been different since losing to the Undertaker at Survivor Series. ___________________   Next up, is Rick "the Model" Martel vs. Brian Costello. Martel has the pink thing goin' here, of course. So, he finishes the match at 3:23, with a Boston Crab. At least he let Costello get some offense in. *1/2. ___________________   Gene Okerlund's at the promo area, and he's talking with the WWF Champion, Bret Hart. Bobby Heenan comes out, and introduces us to two wrestlers. One's Ric Flair. The other is Razor Ramon. And they both attack Bret, until Mr. Perfect comes out, to fend both off. It turns into a wild brawl, which the officials come out to break up. Afterward, we see a promo spot with Flair and Razor. Razor's Cuban accent is overly ridiculous at this point, I'm glad they let him tone it down. ___________________   Jameson comes out to the roundtable with Heenan, Jerry Lawler, Sgt. Slaughter and Hillbilly Jim...we'll skip past that. ___________________   The Nasty Boys take on Chris Allen and Gus Kantarakis next, and of course, Doink comes toward the ring again. The Nasties are babyfaces. I don't quite get that. Anyway, Knobs powerslams Allen, and Sags comes off the top giving Allen an elbowdrop, getting the Nasties the pinfall at 2:19. *1/4. Doink gives both Knobs and Sags a gift, one of the gifts being replica tag team titles, and the other being a picture of Money Inc. and Jimmy Hart. Ok.   After the bout and postmatch, there's an ad for WM IX, from the family entertainment capital of the world, Las Vegas. Now, if you think Vegas is somewhere you should take your family, raise your hand...   I don't think I would either. ___________________   Damien Demento squashes Kerry Davis at 2:13, with a neckbreaker and a kneedrop. During the match, the screen split, and one half showed a promo from Demento. TERRIBLE. DUD. Honestly, that's one of the worst gimmicks, if not the worst that I've ever seen. ___________________   Bam Bam Bigelow defeats Mike Collins, in the next match, after a headbutt from the top rope, at 2:24. You rate squashes like this. If you like the spots used, you rate it well. You don't, it sucks. Simple. *1/2. ___________________   The Undertaker and Paul Bearer are now talking about Nailz. They will make him rest in peace, and all that jazz. Good thing this never went anywhere. ___________________   A YOUNG Louie Spicolli takes on El Matador next. Wow, that was a surprise, Spicolli, that is. Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes put Yokozuna over HUGE as a threat to win the Royal Rumble. Not too surprising. Santana finishes the match with the Flying Jalapeno, at 2:49. *1/2. I have to say, everyone's entrance music is great. ___________________   Gene Okerlund has the rundown of the Royal Rumble, in which he announces 6 of the participants, in the Royal Rumble, of course. They are Tatanka, Ted DiBiase, the Undertaker, Bob Backlund, Yokozuna, and the Berzerker. The signing of Rick and Scott Steiner gets announced when the roundtable is shown again, and the two new wrestlers hype their match against the Beverly Brothers at the Royal Rumble. I kinda got lost here, but Mrs. Claus is supposed to be coming up to the roundtable soon. ___________________   The first non-squash match is Papa Shango vs. Marty Jannetty. Yay, Papa Shango!   Marty gives Shango an armwringer, and Shango responds with a chokehold. He misses a charge to the corner, but gets a backdrop anyway. Shango then gives Marty THREE elbowdrops, and applies a neckvice. Shango then misses another charge, and Marty beats him up a bit, until Shawn Michaels makes an appearance. Marty gives Shango a backdrop, but as Marty's distracted by Shawn, Shango gives him an axhandle to the back. Marty gives him two dropkicks, which put Shango on the floor, and then, Marty goes up top, and gives Shango a missile dropkick. Yes, from the top to the floor. Marty begins to chase after Shawn, and gives Shawn a hurricanrana in the aisleway. Unfortunately, he also loses the bout by countout, at 4:43. *, and only for Marty's missile dropkick. ___________________   Razor Ramon faces __________ next. No, the name of the other wrestler was not given, and it'll be impossible to find it. Anyway, he finishes the guy with a Razor's Edge at 2:47. The squashes here are of the short variety, making them good. *1/2. Razor abuses jobbers. ___________________   Mrs. Claus shows up on set, and gives Bobby Heenan a Jameson mug, because Heenan's been naughty. Heenan tells her that he can show her where they keep her misteltoe, and as they go off set, standing under the misteltoe, she slaps Heenan. Heh. ___________________   The Bushwhackers then come out, and pass out gifts, dressed up as Santa Claus. How sweet. ___________________   Skinner's next, facing Bob Backlund. Have I ever mentioned how much I like Skinner?   Both men go on the mat and wrestle, until Bob Backlund gets the best. He takes down Skinner, so Skinner ducks under the top rope, to stall. Skinner gives Backlund a headlock, and Backlund responds with a droptoehold. Backlund wins the TEST OF STRENGTH, and takes Skinner to the canvas. Backlund gives Skinner an atomic drop, but Skinner rolls him up, only getting 1. Skinner slams Backlund, but Backlund rolls Skinner up for the win at 3:42. I really would like to see a match between these two, with more time, of course. *1/4. ___________________   Lavern McGill and Chris Hawn take on Money Inc. w/Jimmy Hart (WWF Tag Team Champions) in a non-title match, and the Million Dollar Dream finishes things up at 2:36. *1/4. The Nasties came on the split-screen during the bout, and said they want Jimmy Hart's head, along with the Tag Titles. ___________________   Crush faces Dark Destiny next. WHO? The HEAD CRUSH finishes the bout at 2:56. *. ___________________   Next up, is GILLBERG vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer. It's just Dwayne Gill, but who cares. It'll always be Gillberg to me. The TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER finishes at 1:53, and Taker puts Gill in a bodybag. *. ___________________   The Headshrinkers w/Afa take on Matthew Williams and David Morgan next. Doink comes out, and hits a child on the head with a rubber mallet. Kinda funny. Samu finishes the bout after a diving headbutt from the top, at 2:16. At least all the squashes have been short. *. ___________________   Lastly, Vince McMahon talks about the debut of MONDAY NIGHT RAW on January 11th. We'll be seeing that next month on WWE 24/7. Afterward, we go to a Bret Hart promo, talking to, well, who else but.......SANTA CLAUS. All Bret wants for Christmas is to be able to face the best in the World Wrestling Federation. ___________________   Show's over.   Rating: Poor. The non-squashes weren't too great, so the show wasn't either. I'm glad I got to see so many matches, though. That's a positive.   Best Segment: Razor and Flair attacking Bret, until Perfect made the save.   Worst Segment: Damien Demento. Simple as that. ___________________   Ok, I'll do Tribute to the Troops '06 next. I'm interested to see that one.
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