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Review: The History of the WWE Championship, Part 1.

Since nobody was here, I figured I could watch this without someone getting pissed off about me watching something without them. Because the footage is really old, and all. ___________________   Starts off with a video package, of course, and now, to a match.   It's Pedro Morales vs. Ivan Koloff, for Koloff's WWWF Title, and the match took place at MSG on 2/8/1971.   Blow-by-blow: On a look at thehistoryofwwe.com, I see that the match has been clipped. However, I'll make an exception and rate it anyway, because I honestly couldn't tell. When I can't tell if something's clipped, I rate it, and it's probably clipped because the footage is so poor. Wow. If I didn't know better, I'd say that Koloff looked like King Kong Bundy. I'm so used to the, "my nephew Nikita" version that I had forgotten he looked like this before. Anyhow, both wrestlers act like they're going to box when the match starts, until Koloff begs off. Koloff threatens to leave, and Pedro grabs onto a headlock when Koloff comes back in. Pedro gives him a shoulderblock, and Koloff comes back with a backdrop. Pedro slams Ivan twice, and gives him two headlock takeovers. The crowd heat is off the charts. The ring also has 4 ropes, like a boxing ring. Pedro gets kicked, and Ivan grabs onto a chinlock. Koloff breaks it, and begins to choke Pedro with the strap on his attire. The crowd got PISSED off when he did that. Now Koloff wants to shake hands, but instead, we begin a TEST OF STRENGTH. Pedro monkeyflips out of it, but Koloff grabs onto a bearhug. Pedro gets out and slams Ivan, then does it again. Koloff gets 2 as Pedro can't slam him after an Ivan shoulderblock, and then, Koloff misses a splash. He gets a slam, though, but misses his finisher, a kneedrop off the top rope. Pedro goes up, and gets a crossbody for 2. Koloff rams Pedro into the buckle three times, then goes for a suplex, and on the cover, PEDRO MORALES lifts a shoulder at 2, gaining the win and WWWF Title, as Koloff's shoulders stay pinned to the mat. Crowd goes nuts, yadayadayada.   Match Analysis: FWIW, at that point, the title wasn't going to stay on a heel for longer than a few weeks. Heels had to be brought in for the champion to face, business wasn't going to stay the same if a heel champion faced off against babyfaces that came in every few months. Or so that was the conventional wisdom. You decide whether it was right or not. Match was *, and I was glad to see it end. Hate that finish (both men's shoulders on mat, one lifts at 2) with a passion, though. I can understand its use, but when it comes out of nowhere like this? Hell no. ___________________   Bruno Sammartino vs. Killer Kowalski is joined in progress, and it's the same one from the shorties section two months back, which I never got around to watching. Let's put it this way, it's probably a good thing that the match is joined in progress. I fastforwarded, but Bruno bleeds, and the match gets stopped. Now THAT is a copout finish, UNLESS...it sets up a gimmick match at the next show. Which it did, a Texas Death Match. So no worries. ___________________   From Baltimore, Maryland on 4/30/77, it's Superstar Billy Graham vs. Bruno Sammartino, for Bruno's WWWF Title. It's in full.   Blow-by-blow: Superstar pushes Bruno into the buckle on a lockup, and then does the same. Bruno returns the favor, and gives Graham an armdrag. Bruno applies a wristlock, then takes Superstar down to the canvas. Superstar puts his leg on the bottom rope to break the hold, then goes outside the ring to take a breather. Once he comes back in, we have a TEST OF STRENGTH that goes about 3, maybe 4 minutes. Superstar wins, Bruno comes back, Superstar puts Bruno's shoulders down for 2, and Bruno puts Superstar down to end the hold. That covers it. Superstar grabs onto Bruno's wrist, and Bruno reverses the hold, putting Superstar on the canvas. Superstar gets up, and begins to kick and punch Bruno. He chokes Bruno, and whips him hard into the turnbuckle. Bruno knocks Superstar out of the ring, and when Superstar comes back in, he's bleeding. Bruno punches Superstar a few times, but Superstar is able to grab onto a bearhug, after shoving Bruno into the buckle. Bruno also puts Superstar into the buckle after breaking the bearhug, but Superstar applies the bearhug again. Bruno hits Superstar a few times in the corner, and suddenly (somehow applies too), Superstar rolls up Bruno and sticks his feet on the ropes, giving him the leverage to get the 3 count and end Bruno's long title reign, at 13:45.   Match Analysis: It's really quite simple to explain why the title change happened in Baltimore. There was no way Graham would have made it home safely, had the match been at the Garden. No way, no how. The match sucked, IMO. It was centered around three things.     That doesn't quite cut it for me. 1/2*. Maybe that's being nice. I really, really like old wrestling, but so far, I haven't liked what I've seen. Thankfully, that changes. ___________________   Superstar Billy Graham vs. Bob Backlund is JIP, and cut to about a minute. Backlund wins the title with an atomic drop, while Superstar's foot is on the rope. Is that justice? I'd say so. ___________________   And again, another JIP match, Greg Valentine vs. Bob Backlund in a steel cage. I'd like to see this one in full. Anyhow, it's cut to 4 minutes, and ends when Backlund escapes through the door after giving Valentine a piledriver. ___________________   Finally, a match that looks good on paper. Sgt. Slaughter w/The Grand Wizard vs. Bob Backlund, for Backlund's WWF Title, from MSG on 5/23/83. Slaughter whipped Backlund like a government mule with a riding crop, so Backlund has all kinds of welts on his back.   Blow-by-blow: Brawl to start, of course, as these two are supposed to hate each other. Backlund rams Slaughter into the ringpost a whole bunch, and the crowd goes nuts. Gorilla says that Slaughter is on "Queer Street," and this time, I'm not laughing because of the lack of politically correctness. During HBO broadcasts, whenever a boxer gets knocked down, Lennox Lewis says that the guy was put on Queer Street. So there. Slaughter bails, and upon getting back in the ring, is beat up more. Backlund elbows Slaughter in the face twice, and Slaughter bails again. When getting back in the ring, Backlund gives Slaughter a snapmare, then stomps on his face a few times. You know, where the guy spins on his opponent's nose. Really don't like that. Backlund gives Slaughter two flying forearms, but on the third attempt, gets clotheslined. Slaughter drops Backlund on the top rope, and gives him a kneedrop for two. Slaughter rakes Backlund's back, and then his eyes, on the rop rope. Slaughter gets a backbreaker for 2, and then a back elbow for 2. Slaughter gives Backlund a chestbreaker, but the referee is unable to make the count, due to the position of Backlund's feet. Slaughter gives him a double stomp(!), and a knee to Backlund's gut. Backlund tries to clothesline Slaughter, but can't, so instead, we get a double collision. Both men are down and out, until Backlund rises up and gives Slaughter a swinging neckbreaker. Backlund misses a charge to the corner, and gets suplexed for a 2 count. Backlund reverses another suplex attempt by Slaughter, into a suplex of his own, which gets a 2 count. Backlund gives Slaughter an ugly looking piledriver, made that way because Slaughter was overly protective of his neck. But really now, you can't be overprotective of your neck, can you? It's one of those things you have to do. It gets a 2 count, and Backlund tries another swinging neckbreaker, but can't get it as Slaughter grabs the top rope, leading Backlund to hit his head on the canvas. Slaughter shoots Backlund into the ropes, and gives him a dropkick, which gets two. This match is very fun, if slow. Slaughter drops Backlund on the top rope and gets an elbowdrop for 2. However, he misses a charge to the buckle, ramming his own shoulder into the ringpost. Backlund begins to hit Slaughter's arm, then applies the Crossface-Chickenwing. It's locked in, but near the ropes, the Grand Wizard hands Slaughter that riding crop, and Slaughter hits Backlund with it, getting disqualified at 15:55. Backlund gets the riding crop away from Slaughter, and hits Slaughter a few times, before Slaughter runs away.   Match Analysis: Good, solid wrestling. The match featured a lot of good spots, most of which were the "highspots" of that era. Anyway, it's solid, and one of the better early (read: pre-1985) WWF matches I've seen. Yes, I know the WWF was around for long before that, and it really wasn't early. ***1/4. ___________________   Yes! Haven't seen this one in a few years, so I'm glad to review it. It's "The Incredible" Hulk Hogan vs. The Iron Sheik w/Classy Freddie Blassie, for Sheik's WWF Title. Yeah, they called Hogan "the Incredible," and I don't know why. It's from 1/23/1984 at MSG, if you didn't already know. When MSG was doing extremely well, as far as getting asses in the seats.   Blow-by-blow: If you haven't seen any part of this match, you aren't a real wrestling fan. Hogan attacks Sheik, and gives him a back elbow in the corner. He takes Sheik's entrance attire, and clotheslines Sheik with it. Hogan gives Sheik a clothesline and kneedrop, then a choketoss. He spits on Sheik, and the crowd loves it. Hogan gets a big boot for 2, and then a running elbow and elbowdrop for 2. Hogan misses a charge to the corner, and Sheik takes over. The crowd is wild, of course. Not like during the Morales match, though. Sheik chops Hogan, and gives him a backbreaker for 2. Sheik "loads" his boot, and kicks Hogan in the gut. He applies a Boston Crab, but Hogan powers out of it in a hurry. Sheik gets a gutwrench suplex for 2, and applies the CAMEL CLUTCH, BREAK YOUR FUCKING BACK BRIAN BLAIR, IRAN #1, USA, AH PUH. Sorry, I had to get that out of my system. Hogan of course, powers out, and rams Sheik into the buckle. And then he DROPS THE FUCKING LEG, and HULKAMANIA'S RUNNIN' WILD BROTHER, as he wins his first WWF Title, at 5:40. Hurrah.   Match Analysis: Simple, and short. How it should have been, BUT...I didn't like that the match went so quickly to the legdrop after powering out of the Camel Clutch. Would have liked to see a slam or big boot, prior to the finish. For that, *3/4. And I know how picky my criticism is, in this case. ___________________   No rating for this, cause I'm not doing the whole thing. I really enjoyed watching it, even though the matches weren't so great. Nostalgia trips are usually fun. What I review tomorrow depends on what happens today. How I feel, more or less. In all likelihood, it'll be Armageddon 2003. If not, it'll probably be the Jesse Ventura stuff.   The best thing on part 2, IMO, was the title change from the Main Event.   Andre the Giant: "I win the tag team championship, and now I present tag team championship to Ted DiBiase."   Great stuff.
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Review: WWE Royal Rumble 2008, from New York City; 1/27/2008.

Going to be a lot of hindsight thinking in this review... ___________________   First match up on this is Ric Flair vs. MVP.   Blow-by-Blow: Flair's last MSG performance...he gets on the mic, thanks the fans, and MVP interrupts. Here we go. MVP takes Flair to the canvas, cause he's BALLIN! Ok, now Flair applies a hammerlock, before giving MVP a shoulderblock. Flair tries that again, and MVP drop-toe holds him down to the canvas. A big boot and neckbreaker get a one count for MVP, so MVP goes to the chinlock, while having the arm barred. MVP misses a charge to the corner, so Flair tries a FIGURE-FOUR...but he can't get it applied. Instead, he gives MVP an atomic drop, but MVP cradles him for 2 on the next attempted move. MVP gives Flair a backdrop, and a running big boot for a 2 count. The two count was because Flair's foot on the ropes. Had the referee not noticed, Flair would've been forced to retire. An MVP clothesline gets a two count, and so does a double underhook suplex. Now MVP places Flair up top for a superplex, but it only gets a 2 count. Double collision now, and once Flair gets up, we get two counts from a small package and a backslide. MVP tries the PLAYMAKER after a knee to the face, but Flair reverses, FIGURE-FOUR, MVP taps out at 7:49. And Flair kisses MSG goodbye...   Match Analysis: Not visually pleasing, to say the least. It really sucked. Saddening to see one of my favorites performing so poorly, but hey, that's life. I'll give it *1/4, and when I watched this one live, first thing I thought was wow, it's probably a good thing that Flair's career is going to end. ___________________   Mike Adamle talks for a bit, and then, we have the hype video for Chris Jericho vs. JBL. Which is now.   Blow-by-Blow: The referee won't let them fight at the start, but that ends when JBL hits Jericho in the back with some clubbing blows. Jericho jumps on top of JBL and punches away, but JBL tosses him out. Jericho comes right back in and goes for the WALLS OF JERICHO, but JBL reaches the ropes. After Jericho gives JBL a baseball slide and rams him into the retaining wall, he rams JBL into the steps. Back in, and JBL gives Jericho a hotshot, so he can regain control. After a lariat, JBL takes Jericho to the ropes to choke him, at least until applying a sleeper. A JBL big boot follows, then he rams Jericho shoulder-first into the ringpost. Well, Jericho's bleeding now. Bradshaw kicks away as Jericho's gushing, but Jericho responds with a clothesline. The botched lionsault is cut out, so we see the LIONSAULT that landed, to a mock cheer. Um...now the fans that haven't seen the show before don't know what that's all about. Which is dumb. Anyway, Jericho clotheslines JBL over the top, and hits him with a steel chair for the disqualification at 9:19. Jericho now has a cord, which he uses to hang JBL with, much like JBL did to him on RAW. Which was great.   Match Analysis: A new side of Jericho was shown in this match, but they went right back to the old one soon after. I'm not really a fan of that decision, because I'm very much in favor of character depth. Who's not? Match was **...not really done at the best time, and not done right in the first place. Had they done this at a non-Rumble show, there definitely would've been more time. ___________________   Ashley knocks on Maria's door in a little time waster segment, and hey, SANTINO MARELLA opens it. YES! He says Maria's not interested in Ashley's boobie magazine. The end. ___________________   After a hype video, we now have Rey Mysterio vs. Edge w/Vickie Guerrero and his team of buddies for the World Heavyweight Championship.   Blow-by-Blow: I found it funny to see Rey get booed. I've got a feeling that I wasn't the only one who felt that way. Anyway, Rey gives Edge a hurricanrana at the start, and a dropkick, which gets a one count. Edge chokes Rey at the ropes and tosses him out...so his lackeys make their way over to beat on Mysterio. BUT, the referee tosses them out of the building, so that's not going to happen. Rey comes in with a flying headscissors to take Edge out of the ring, and a PESCADO. Back in now, with a Rey seated senton for a 2 count. Rey springs onto the second rope, but Edge kicks him in the knee, knocking him to the canvas. Edge applies a half-crab on the knee, before giving Rey a powerslam for a two count. Back to the leg, but Rey builds up some momentum and gives Edge a bulldog for two. Before Rey's attack, there was a lengthy dead period in the match. Just saying. After Edge misses a charge at Rey, Rey responds with a seated senton, which gets a two count. Rey comes off the top with a double stomp(!), but it only gets a two count. Rey rana's Edge to the floor now, and follows that with a DDT, which gets a two count when they get back in the ring. Edge responds with a big boot, but he misses a SPEAR. Rey puts Edge's face on the second rope, dial it up, 619, but a splash from up top does not get the victory, because Vickie Guerrero grabbed the official. Hey, she's the GM. She can do that if she wants. Rey tries to give Edge another 619, but Vickie jumps onto the apron and takes the hit, so now when Rey springboards in, Edge is ready to finish. SPEAR on the springboard, and Edge retains via pinfall at 12:34. Poor Vickie has to be wheeled out in her wheelchair...she's hurt, you see.   Match Analysis: Would've been very good if not for the dead period in the middle of the match, but hey, there was a dead period, so that's how I have to judge it. I know that in the past both could've had a great match against one another, but I don't know if Rey is capable of those things anymore. This was just average, but the finishing sequence was really fun. **1/2. ___________________   We go to the lockerroom now, as Ric Flair's coming out of the shower. Thankfully, wearing a towel. Anyway, Mr. Kennedy's in the room, and he says that he wants to retire Flair. Here's HBK, planting seeds asnd all that. He and Flair say that Kennedy ain't goin' anywhere with that gimmick. Now, here's Batista. Like I said, planting seeds. There's HHH too! HBK wants those two to settle down, because the guy that's going to win the Royal Rumble is the one currently wearing the HBK shirt that you can find on WWE.Com. Hey! ___________________   We've got one more segment before our big match though, which is Maria's KISS CAM. YAY! Yeah, we see people kissing and all that, until Ashley comes out. She wants to talk about Playboy, which naturally brings out Santino Marella. He runs down New York City quite well, and then brings his special guest into the ring. That fat dude who dances while wearing a speedo. Ugh.   WrestleMania XXIV promo, and then, Mike Adamle calls Jeff Hardy "Jeff Harvey." Unfortunately, that moment has been edited out. ___________________   Now, it's time for the match that was, well, as big a draw as a singles match at the Rumble could possibly be. And that is Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.   Blow-by-Blow: After the lock-up, Jeff takes Orton down with a shoulderblock, and then with a headlock. An inverted atomic drop followed by a legdrop to the nuts gets a two count for Jeff, but Orton gains some semblance of control by ramming Jeff into the buckle. Unfortunately, Jeff comes right back by clotheslining Orton over the top rope, and then baseball sliding him hard into the retaining wall at ringside. We call that a concussion. Anyway, Jeff follows Orton to the floor with a pescado, which causes Orton to rethink his gameplan. He'll just leave. He takes his belt and begins to walk away, but Hardy stops him and rams his face into the announce table. Orton gets tossed back in, but on Jeff's springboard attempt, Jeff gets dropkicked by Orton, which knocks him down to the floor. Orton suplexes Jeff on the outside, then in we go, for a two count. Orton's kneedrops also get a two count, and after both men trade blows, Jeff sends Orton to the outside. Jeff clotheslines Orton from the apron, but the eventual cover only gets a two count. Jeff misses a charge to the corner on the inside, but that only gets a two count for Orton. Now, we go to the chinlock. Of course, Orton's the one applying it. An Orton powerslam gets a two count, then back to the chinlock we go. Now we head towards the end, but we're not at the end, as Jeff is doing the usual offense that occurs when a guy gets out of a chinlock. Clotheslines and back elbows, but then a WHISPER IN THE WIND, which only gets 2. An enziguri is delivered to the head of Orton, and then, Jeff goes up top. Nope to the SWANTON, instead, Jeff missile dropkicks Orton, who's standing on the ring apron. That knocks him to the floor. A moonsault by Jeff to Orton on the floor barely even hits Orton, and now, both men go into the ring, slowly. Jeff tries the TWIST OF FATE, BAM, RKO instead, Orton with the pinfall victory at 14:06. Courtesy applause for Jeff...yeah yeah yeah.   Match Analysis: Finish wasn't the best...like I said before, I hate out of nowhere finishes. The rest of the match was average, definitely nothing you'd expect from main event level guys. Quite clearly, it was best that Jeff didn't go over. Smart thinking from WWE on that issue. **1/2. ___________________   It is now time for the ROYAL RUMBLE!   Blow-by-Blow: Yeah, it was pretty cool that Michael Buffer intro'd the thing, but I've seen him in person. No big deal. #1 is...THE UNDERTAKER. Big surprise, when watching it live. And #2 is SHAWN MICHAELS. YES! Shawn bumping around for Taker is always fun, and this doesn't disappoint. #3 is Santino Marella! He does some funny stuff, and after being kicked in the mouth, the Undertaker tosses him over the top and to the floor at 2:05. #4 is the Great Khali, who comes into the ring, only to be taunted with chants of "YOU CAN'T WRESTLE" from the MSG faithful. Thankfully, Taker gets rid of him too, at 4:43. #5 is Hardcore Holly, who proceeds to break Shawn Michaels nose. In return, Taker beats him up for ten minutes or so. I thought that was funny when watching it live...thinking that it couldn't possibly be a coincidence that Taker was so involved with someone so low on the card for so long. Also, Bob Holly's been in the WWE for fourteen years. Think about that for a second. Or not. Anyway, #6 is John Morrison. It sucked how the rest of the announcers cut Joey Styles off during the story he was going to tell about Morrison...really sucked. Anyway, Tommy Dreamer is #7, and some people mark out. But not me. #8 is Batista, who throws Dreamer out at 10:10. Well that didn't last long. #9 is Hornswoggle, who hides under the ring. He doesn't want any of that. Our #10 entrant Chuck Palumbo comes out, and does nothing, until Jamie Noble comes in at #11. Chuck kicks Noble out at 14:52, causing Noble to need help in order to get to the back. #12 is CM Punk, who knees Chuck out at 16:34. Thankfully. At #13 we have Cody Rhodes, and at #14, it's UMAGA. He SAMOAN SPIKES Holly out of the ring at 18:52, and then, our number 15 entrant, Snitsky, makes his way to the ring. #16 is the Miz and #17 is Shelton Benjamin, as clearly, there was a bit of a dead period. But at the same time, the intervals are only a bit longer than a minute, so I couldn't write down much in such a short time. Of course, when Shelton entered, he did some cool shit. Like leaping onto the top rope and dropping two opponents throat first onto said top rope. Why in the world doesn't WWE give this guy a push? Shawn superkicks him, which puts Shelton out at 23:07. Now, we've got our first surprise entrant. JIMMY SNUKA, #18! I marked like crazy. After Snuka hits everyone, #19 comes out. And that's ROWDY RODDY PIPER. Then I marked even more crazy! A Rumble moment to last for a long time occurs, as Piper and Snuka fight while the whole ring watches. Awesome. Now, #20 is Kane, who dumps both Snuka and Piper to the floor at 27:00. Aw. #21 is Carlito, who spits in the face of Cody Rhodes. Clearly he is not cool. #22 is Mick Foley, who, honestly, doesn't do a whole lot of anything when first entering the ring. But he does in a bit, something that most will like/liked. #23 is Kennedy, who gets chokeslammed, and as Big Daddy V enters at #24, we get a bunch of eliminations, starting at 32:21. Taker clotheslines Snitsky out, Michaels superkicks Taker out, and Kennedy bundles Michaels over the top. Whew. That was a tough sequence to recap. Taker puts Snitsky through the table with a legdrop, which also happened to make me laugh. Oh, you. #25 is Mark Henry, and shortly after his entrance, Hornswoggle comes out from under the ring and pulls The Miz over the top and to the floor at 34:39. #26 is Chavo Guerrero, showing how little the ECW Title means. I hated this. After Kane gives Morrison a big boot to knock him out at 36:06, and then, Mark Henry pulls Hornswoggle into the ring. That brings Finlay out (before it was time for him to enter), to hit everyone with a shillelagh. Unforunately, he's been disqualified for entering early, and I suppose Hornswoggle is disqualified for being the beneficiary of his interference, at 38:00. #28 is Elijah Burke, who has seemingly disappeared after this appearance. Odd. Anyway, Chavo suplexes Punk over the top and out at 39:20, before HHH enters at #29. He gets rid of Cody Rhodes at 40:16, Big Daddy V at 40:33, and then, he fights with Mick Foley. Hell yes to that, duh. HHH then tosses Foley into Burke, which eliminates the both of them at 40:58. Boo. Down to the last entrant, who is.....JOHN CENA. I'm not gonna lie, I flipped when watching this live. Carlito gets tossed out at 43:19, Chavo Guerrero goes out at 43:22, and Mark Henry goes out at 43:26, to much cheer. The big two square off, that being Cena and HHH. BUT, we've still got a few guys left, don't we? Batista clotheslines Kennedy and UMAGA over the top, eliminating him at 44:28 and 44:41, respectively. We're down to four, those four being Kane, HHH, Batista, and John Cena. Guess who goes out first. 44:53 was the time of that. Now that we've got HHH, Batista and John Cena in the ring together, yeah, that's WWE's biggest possible match. Don't be fooled into thinking otherwise. They all taunt each other, until they fight and HHH clotheslines Batista out at 47:18. Down to two, and the crowd is decidedly split. Boo, yeah, boo, yeah (HHH being cheered, Cena being booed)...but Cena gets the better of it. After the FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE, we get some finisher reversal, which ends in a double clothesline, knocking both men out. Not out of the ring, though. HHH gives Cena a DDT after another failed F-U try, then tries to slam Cena out and to the floor. Nope, Cena slips off HHH's shoulder, and F-U's him to the floor, to win the Rumble and go to WrestleMania No Way Out, for his title shot at the champion. Match ended at 51:30.   Match Analysis: As I've said before, surprises are a huge part of what makes a great Royal Rumble. I'll give this one ****, as really, there weren't dead periods with nothing going on, seeing as guys were constantly entering. And I'll give WWE credit for deviating from the norm. It's not usual to see so many top level guys enter early. A show saving match. ___________________   Rating: Decent. I can't in good conscience give this a good rating, but at the same time, I'll say that I was definitely happy to have ordered it, and I know that I'm going against things I've said in the past. You know, when I say things like, if I would've paid full price for the show, it's a good one? Well, I didn't pay full price for this, I paid half. So nyah.   Best Segment: The Royal Rumble. Usually is.   Worst Segment: Maria's Kiss Cam. I really hate when that fat dude comes into the ring and dances. Just, ugh. ___________________   I'll get the RAW and Nitro review from 7/14/97 up ASAP. Then Clash of the Champions XXXV, but I'm not going to review the Rey Mysterio DVD. Too much content that could be included in potential reviews, and I don't really like reviewing things like that.  
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Review: WWF King of the Ring 1993, from Dayton, Ohio; 6/13/1993.

Here we go, the first King of the Ring on PPV! ___________________   Ross, Savage, and Heenan on commentary. And we jump right to...Razor Ramon vs. Bret Hart in a King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match.   - This is also a rematch from the Royal Rumble, in case you forgot. Both guys are O-V-E-R. There's a big 1-2-3 chant in reference to Razor's loss to the Kid a few weeks ago. I haven't seen that in a while.   - Razor clotheslines Bret, sets him up on top for a back suplex, but Bret lands on top, picking up the pinfall victory at 10:27. So, Bret advances to the semifinals, to face the winner of our next bout. Also, I must mention that Razor stomped on Bret's fingers at some point in the match.   -When Razor wants to work, he can. I thought that Bret's cradle after slipping out of the Edge would be the victory, but it wasn't. Always nice to be surprised. Anyhow, I've got no problem slapping a ***1/4 rating on this. Wrestling was good, crowd loved it, and I did too. All that needs to happen, did. ___________________   We look to Superstars, when Giant Gonzalez and the Undertaker were fighting. Then Mr. Hughes came in, and hit the Undertaker with his own urn. Hughes stole it, too. ___________________   Quite obviously, that means Mr. Hughes w/Harvey Wippleman is going to face Mr. Perfect in a King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match.   - Anyone who wrestles while wearing sunglasses is fine by me. We go to a split-screen in which Bret Hart says that he'd rather face Mr. Perfect than Mr. Hughes. Ok. Hughes botches a Perfect crossbody attempt, so he and Perfect dosey-do down to the canvas. That was funny.   - Hughes grabs the stolen urn, and hits Perfect with it for the DQ loss at 6:01. Ugh. Dumb finish. Especially made dumb by Hughes not ever facing Taker in a big television or PPV match, but hey, what can you do? I also don't understand why Hughes didn't make the jump back to WCW when he left the WWF...Oh yeah, the rating. 3/4*. The botched crossbody was super funny. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Mr. Fuji and Yokozuna...Fuji says that Hogan cheated to win the belt. I don't disagree. Then Yoko says some stuff about America, and we're done. ___________________   Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan is our next Quarterfinal Match...   - Hooooo!!! Lock-up, and Bigelow's shoulderblock does nothing.   - Duggan's three point stance shoulder-tackle misses, hitting the buckle, so Bigelow's up top, diving headbutt, pinfall win for the Beast from the East at 4:59. Average. Made better by Duggan losing cleanly...that's really all there is to say. *1/4. ___________________   Lex Luger vs. Tatanka is our final King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match.   - That was a really fast transitition to this match. Had to have been edited. Anyhow, about Luger, I can't believe Vince couldn't make him a success. The referee makes Luger wear an elbowpad, so he can't use the LOADED FOREARM.   - Heenan begins to ramble about Tatanka..."Many moon come before I win match." I really laughed, just because. We cut to a split-screen with Bam Bam Bigelow. He wants to face the Indian.   -Tatanka misses a chop off the top, so Luger gives him a clothesline and powerslam for two. Luger follows with a suplex, that gets two. A backbreaker gets two, and we have a DRAW at 14:58. 15 minute time-limit, remember? After the match, Luger asks for five more minutes, to a big pop. Tatanka turns around to leave, and gets hit with the LOADED FOREARM. To another ovation. Well, no wonder he made the turn. Bam Bam gets a bye to the final.   - Pretty good show these two put on, IMO. Could've been worse, given what was in there, but I thought Luger did well. You could see the positives from having good matches with others. I'm going to call this **1/4. I might be all alone with that rating. ___________________   Mean Gene stirs up shit with Bret Hart and Mr. Perfect, who are facing each other in the Semifinal Round of the King of the Ring. Gene asked whose dad was better and that sort of thing. Good stuff.   - Perfect acts like he'll let Bret back in, but he kicks him. Heh. Now, you know who's going to play heel. Perfect launches Bret from the apron into the steel guardrail, so now Bret's knee is hurt, in addition to a few fingers that were taped up at the beginning of the match.   - We go to the SHARPSHOOTER, but Perfect grabs Bret's injured fingers and stomps on them. Oh hell no, you monster. He tries a PERFECT-PLEX, but Bret suplexes him down ot the floor. Fantastic match. Perfect cradles Bret for two back on the inside, but Bret reverses for the pinfall, advancing to the King of the Ring Final and a match with Bam Bam Bigelow at 18:56.   - Much like Scott Keith, I think this was better than their meeting at SummerSlam 1991. Shocking! Particularly liked how the broken fingers came into play. That was choice. ****1/2. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Hulk Hogan, who is defending his WWF Championship against Yokozuna, right now!   - Who doesn't like Jimmy Hart, now, seriously? The placement of this match on the card definitely gives away the result. A Yoko belly-to-belly gets two, so we have a HULK-UP. Yawn. Hogan finally puts Yoko down after THREE big boots, but the LEGDROP only gets a two count. Now a photographer gets on the apron, shoots a fireball at Hogan, and Yoko drops a leg of his own for the victory at 13:11. BANZAI DROP afterward, and it's over for Hogan. ALL OVER.   - Uh, awfully boring. Historic, but really bad. If Yokozuna has to carry a match, well, it's going to be shit. I like him because he was on the first PPV I ever watched, but seriously now. 1/2*. I did like Yoko's title reign, though. It was good stuff (for a fat lug), especially the shit with Crush. ___________________   Shawn and Diesel are in the back, and Shawn is just TEARING INTO Hulk Hogan. I'm going to guess this was a contingency plan in case Hulk stayed. Hulk feuds with Diesel to get to Shawn. LOL. Like I said, a guess. Shawn called Hogan a dinosaur, which was good for a laugh. ___________________   Next up, an eight-man tag. We've got the Steiner Brothers and The Smokin' Gunns vs. Money Inc. and the Headshrinkers w/Afa.   - Non-elimination, btw. DiBiase's looking a little pudgy.   - MILLION DOLLAR DREAM...but Billy puts DiBiase in a small package for the victory at 7:03. After the match, they brawl, and the faces get the best.   - Rick Steiner didn't even enter. That was weird. Anyway, just a simple, throwaway match to try and bring the fans back. We'll see how that last part worked out later on. **. ___________________   Crush is facing Shawn Michaels w/Diesel for the Intercontinental Title, after Yokozuna had an interview in the back.   - This is a strange match. IMO, Crush came around about three years later than he should have. Perfect gimmick for the 80's. Savage talks about potential for Crush/Yoko...   - Crush dominates the match, until he clotheslines Shawn over the top. Doink is at the ramp...I SEE THREE OF THEM. WHAT THE FUCK. Actually, it's two. They distracted Crush somethin' good, so Shawn superkicked the big Hawaiian in the back of the head for the victory at 11:14. Crush chases the Doink's to the back, of course. **1/4 is my rating. Shawn did all the work, but Crush held up his end of the bargain. This could've been brutal. ___________________ Mean Gene talks to Bam Bam Bigelow before he faces Bret Hart in the King of the Ring Final...   - Bret favors the leg on the way down. And gets dominated throughout. Luna Vachon came down and hit Bret with a chair, stacking the odds further. Bret comes in afterward, gets slammed and given the flying headbutt off the top for three at 9:23. NO, WAIT A SECOND. Another referee comes out, and says no. No, because of Luna. Some people are leaving, but the match will restart. And everyone runs back to their seats.   - Bret and Bam Bam proceed to tear the house down, ya heard. Bam Bam misses a charge to the corner, and Bret gives him a victory roll for a three count and huge pop at 18:17. Great match, highly underrated. ****. Savage congratulates, as...   Bret moves to the stage, to be crowned king! Jerry Lawler comes to the stage, and says that he's the only king in the World Wrestling Federation. Bret needs to bow and kiss Lawler's feet, he says. Bret calls him the Burger King, which births a chant that I abhor to this day. As thanks for said chant, Lawler takes Bret out with a scepter. Then Lawler tosses the throne onto Bret, and beats the shit out of him. He kicks Bret off the platform, and we're out of time. That was an intense angle. I loved it, as is the case with many end of show PPV angles. ___________________   Rating: Great. Bret's one man show. Must see. All that stuff.   Best Segment: I've gotta give the angle with Lawler and Bret its due. The crowd was really, really hating Lawler. On one hand, the show was almost all in favor of heels. That's something for the live fans to not like.   Worst Segment: Hughes vs. Perfect. For meaninglessness. ___________________   I'll review King of the Ring 1994, just like I did this one. My brother graduates tomorrow, so I won't watch it until later in the week.
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Review: WWF WrestleMania 2, from Chicago, Illinois; Long Island, NY; and Los Angeles, CA, 4/7/1986.

This isn't the best show as you all know, but like all others, it's going to be reviewed. ___________________   Gene Okerlund (now) introduces the show...and from New York, it's Vince McMahon and Susan St. James. America the Beautiful is sung by Ray Charles, and you can't say anything bad about that. Mean Gene says some things from Chicago, and before our first match, Roddy Piper has something to say about his boxing match against Mr. T. Nothing of note is said. ___________________   The first match on the card is Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco w/Mr. Fuji.   Blow-by-blow: These two have attributes which Vince loves. Big, and roided. Thus, they start the show off. Both say things via soundbyte at the beginning of the match, and here we go. Muraco and Orndorff slam each other, and after Orndorff's slam, he makes fun of Fuji's race. Cold. Muraco knees Orndorff and elbows him, but Orndorff whips Muraco into the buckle and backdrops him. An armdrag and drop toe-hold follow, as does an armbar. A Muraco armdrag doesn't break Orndorff's armbar, but a samoan drop does. They trade punches, and Orndorff gives Muraco an elbow. Both brawl to the outside, and we have a double countout at 4:33. Big "bullshit" chant follows, and yeah, those fans certainly have the right. This isn't a TV taping.   Match Analysis: Yeah, that was a terrible finish. Was going well until that point...*1/4.   Mr. T says that his fists are going to do the talking tonight, and now... ___________________   Here's George Steele vs. Macho Man Randy Savage w/Elizabeth for the Intercontinental Championship. But first, Randy Savage cuts a promo.   Blow-by-blow: To start, we have the typical beginning of match Steele nonsense. He chases Savage around the ring, and when back inside, he gives Savage a choketoss. He's infatuated with Liz, so Savage is able to take control. He gives Steele a crossbody off the top for a 2 count, so Steele dumps him to the outside. Macho sneaks in from the other side of the ring and attacks, but Steele bites him. Savage goes outside to grab some flowers, and after hitting Steele with them, Steele gets them and shoves them in Savage's face. Steele comes a little too close to Liz outside the ring, so Savage comes off the top with BOMBS AWAY. On the inside, he slams Steele and goes up to the top, coming off with the FLYING ELBOW. It only gets a 2 count (WTF?), so after a Steele missed charge, Savage covers him with his feet on the ropes for 3 at 7:08.   Match Analysis: Awful. Awful. Awful. On the basis of strictly wrestling, there were, uh, 6 wrestling moves, counting the rollup w/feet on ropes. Ain't good enough, and certainly worth negatives. -**. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Bill Fralic and Big John Studd in Chicago to talk about the battle royal, and of course, the two disagree on a few things. Back to New York we go... ___________________   For George Wells vs. Jake "the Snake" Roberts.   Blow-by-blow: Wells attacks Roberts to start the match, and backdrops him. Roberts tosses Wells out and fights him on the outside, until Wells tosses him back in. Wells shoulderblocks Roberts and headbutts him, then he whips him into the buckle. Wells gives him a flying headscissors, and a scoop slam. Wells gives Roberts a kneelift and powerslam, which gets a 2 count. Roberts bails to the outside, and when he comes back in, he gives Wells a kneelift. That's followed up by the DDT, for the 3 count at 3:07. Roberts takes Damien out of the bag, and puts him all over Wells. Gross.   Match Analysis: Simple Roberts squash. Nothing wrong there. *3/4. ___________________   There's some taped footage from the Mr. T/Roddy Piper feud, mostly featuring stuff that was in my last review.   Hulk Hogan's with Jesse Ventura in Los Angeles...yes, I marked to see Ventura interviewing Hogan. Hogan doesn't care about Jesse, BROTHER, only Bundy, BROTHER. ___________________   Howard Finkel is with a few celebrities, and with the use of wikipedia, I can tell you what all are famous for. Joan Rivers (obvious, don't need to say), is the guest ring announcer. The guest judges for this boxing match are Darryl Dawkins (basketball player), Cab Calloway (jazz singer), and G. Gordon Liddy (mastermind of first break-in during Watergate). The timekeeper is Herb (famous for some Burger King commercials). He's a nerd, you know.   Yeah, the match is Mr. T vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper in a boxing match. The wrestlers have Joe Frazier and Lou Duva in their corners, respectively. I'm going to save a ton of words, and use the fast-forward button. As we all know, Piper slams Mr. T with the referee down and gets disqualified. We can call this -*****. It's one of the worst matches I've ever seen. There's a postmatch brawl, and thankfully, this ends the worst portion of the show. ___________________   To Chicago we go, with Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund and Cathy Lee Crosby.   The first match on that portion of the card is Velvet McIntyre vs. Fabulous Moolah for the Ladies Title.   Blow-by-blow: Moolah snapmares McIntyre while pulling her hair, and clotheslines McIntyre as well. McIntyre comes back with two dropkicks and a back elbow, before a scoop slam. McIntyre goes up to the 2nd rope, but she misses a splash and Moolah pins her for 3 at the 58 second mark.   Match Analysis: *, standard fare, and too short to knock off or add to anyway. ___________________   The next bout was Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff w/Classy Freddie Blassie.   Blow-by-blow: Volkoff sings the Russian National Anthem, which I love. Unfortunately, he doesn't get pelted with trash. Kirchner's dubbed music is comical. Enough of that though, as Volkoff starts the bout with a spin kick. Volkoff tosses Kirchner out and bites him, before ramming him into the ringpost. Kirchner bleeds and they go back in the ring, where Kirchner makes his comeback. Kirchner pushes the referee, then grabs Blassie's cane and hits Volkoff with it. That gets the pinfall at 1:35.   Match Analysis: Sucked. Too short. 1/2*. ___________________   For the battle royal, I'll pull something out of an old file. I've reviewed it before.   From WrestleMania 2 in Chicago, we have a battle royal, and the participants are Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, Ted Arcidi, King Tonga, Hillbilly Jim, Big John Studd, Tony Atlas, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Danny Spivey, Pedro Morales, BRUNO Sammartino, the Iron Sheik, Jimbo Covert, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, Ernie Holmes, Harvey Martin, THE FRIDGE, and Andre the Giant.   This one really is impossible to review, unlike the one at the MSG show I reviewed a couple weeks ago (actually, it's been months, now). The total combined weight of the wrestlers involved...5,612 pounds. Yo. Order of elimination goes like this...Tonga, Covert, Holmes, Brunzell, Atlas, Morales, Martin, Arcidi (at this point, I notice that Fridge is wearing a thong. Gross.), Spivey, Blair and Hillbilly, Fralic, Sheik, Bruno, and then, it gets easier to review. Studd dumps Fridge, but Fridge pulls Studd out after a handshake. Bret, Francis, Neidhart and Andre are left, and a double dropkick by the Hart Foundation ties Andre up in the ropes, and then, Francis gets eliminated. Andre gives Bret a big boot, then rams the Harts heads into each other. Neidhart gets dumped, and then Andre press slams Bret to the floor, where he lands on Neidhart. Andre wins the battle royal, which was a given. 7/10, the uniqueness of having football players involved made it worth watching.   (P.S. I changed the rating to 7/10. Wasn't really as great as I first thought.) ___________________   The main event from Chicago is the British Bulldogs w/Captain Lou Albano and Ozzy Osbourne vs. The Dream Team w/Johnny V for the WWF Tag Titles. There is another referee on the outside, so no cheating.   Blow-by-blow: Davey and Valentine starts, with an elbow from Valentine. Valentine misses an elbowdrop, but he hiptosses Davey. Valentine misses a forearm, so Dynamite tags in. He rams Valentine into the buckle for a 2 count, and gives him a snap suplex. After an elbowdrop, Davey tags back in and gives Valentine a delayed vertical suplex, for a 2 count. Davey rams Valentine into the buckle, but Valentine comes back with an elbow and a headbutt below the belt, to put it kindly. Beefcake tags in and tries to work on Davey's arm, but Davey gives him a gorilla press slam. Dynamite tags in, and chops Beefcake for a 2 count. He cradles Beefcake for 2, and Davey tags in. Davey gives Beefcake a fisherman's suplex for 2, and then Valentine tags in. He comes off the top with a big chop, and gives Davey a suplex for 2. Valentine goes to a short chinlock, but Dynamite tags in and shouldercharges into Valentine for a 2 count. A double shoulderblock gets 2, as Beefcake breaks up the cover. Dynamite sunset-flips Valentine for 2, and gives him a backbreaker for 2. A kneedrop follows for 2, but Valentine comes back with a piledriver for 2. Gorilla Monsoon says that Ozzy is shaking at ringside...go figure. *Insert joke here* Valentine goes to the top, but Dynamite slams him off. The cover only gets one as they brawl, and Dynamite slams Valentine. Smith tries to gorilla press Dynamite onto Valentine, but Valentine gets out of the way. He clocks Dynamite from behind, but Davey tags in and gives Valentine the running powerslam for a 2 count. Davey suplexes Valentine for 2, but Valentine gains control when he rams Davey shoulder-first into the ringpost. Beefcake tags in and gives Davey a hammerlock, then he drops him on his head after raising him into the air. He rams Davey to the buckle, and tags in Valentine, who gives Davey a shoulderbreaker for 2. He pulls Davey up, but as Dynamite is perched on the top turnbuckle, Davey rams Valentine's head into Dynamite's, which gets the pinfall at 12:01. To say Dynamite took a huge bump down to the floor is an understatement. After the match, Davey, Ozzy and Lou Albano say a few things, basically how glad the Bulldogs are that they're champions, and that they'll stay around in the US to defend them.   Match Analysis: The one constant in all these good Dream Team matches is that Beefcake doesn't come in the match very much. I don't recall whether or not I said that before. I didn't think it was as good as the match from Saturday Night's Main Event. I would've given it ***1/2, but Dynamite's huge bump takes that up a notch. We're talking Mick Foley levels of bumpage there. ***3/4. ___________________   To Los Angeles we go, where Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira are on commentary.   The first match from LA is Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez.   Blow-by-blow: Lee Marshall is the ring announcer. That's weird. Hercules attacks at the start, and rams Steamboat into the buckle. Steamboat comes back with a few armdrags, and holds onto Hercules with an armbar. Steamboat gives Hercules another armdrag, and a few elbowdrops to boot. Steamboat gives Hercules a back elbow and suplex, but Hercules gains control after ramming Steamboat into the turnbuckle. Hercules gives Steamboat a BIG clothesline, and drops him throat-first on the top rope. Steamboat tries a slam, but Hercules falls on top of him for 2. Hercules gives Steamboat two elbowdrops, and then poses, before a cover that gets 2. Hercules clotheslines Steamboat for 2, and gives him two gorilla press slams, before going to the top. Hercules dives off and onto Steamboat's knees, so Steamboat goes up top and gives him a crossbody for the victory at 7:31.   Match Analysis: Pretty good stuff. This should've been the match to open the show in New York. **1/2. ___________________   Uncle Elmer (ugh) vs. Adrian Adonis w/Jimmy Hart is the next bout...   Blow-by-blow: At the start, the crowd chants "faggot" towards Adonis. I larfed. Adonis is wearing a dress, at least until Elmer tears it off. Adonis hugs Jimmy Hart after being chased, and back inside, Elmer attacks him. He tosses Adonis towards the buckle, and Adonis goes upside-down, over and out. Back in, and an Elmer right puts Adonis out. Now Elmer tears off Adonis' dress, and he slingshots Adonis into the ring. Adonis gets tied in the ropes and beaten up, at least until he's untied. He comes back in and Elmer gives him an AVALANCHE, but he misses a big legdrop. Adrian goes to the top and gives Elmer a big splash, which gets the victory at 3:01.   Match Analysis: Haven't seen anything better from Elmer, but this was all Adonis anyway. Elmer just stood there and punched once in a while. *1/2. ___________________   Lord Alfred Hayes is with Hulk Hogan, well you know somethin' AWFUL ALFRED, BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER I'M GONNA WHIP BUNDY BROTHER. ___________________   The next matchup is a good one, which has the Funk Brothers w/Jimmy Hart taking on the Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana.   Blow-by-blow: I'm not going to call Dory Funk "Hoss Funk." We'll just call him Dory. Terry throws a chair into the ring, but Dory and JYD are going to start the match. They lock-up, and Terry falls into the ring while trying to grab JYD, so JYD slams them both. The Funks bail, and when getting back in, it's Santana taking on Terry. Terry chops away, until Santana clotheslines him over the top rope. Santana dropkicks Dory a few times, until Terry gets back into the ring. JYD tags in, and rams Terry into the buckle a whole bunch. JYD headbutts Terry for a 2 count, and tosses him over the top rope after the cover. Dory and Santana come in, and Santana gives Dory the FLYING JALAPENO for 2. Santana and Dory do a criss-cross, at least until Terry knees Santana in the back. Terry tosses Tito out so Jimmy Hart can kick him, but eventually, JYD stops that. He chases Hart away and puts Santana back in the ring, where Terry suplexes him for a 2 count. The referee pushes Terry when Terry gets a little rude, and we have a double collision. Dory comes in and gives Santana a double underhook suplex for 2, and Terry tags back in. A double clothesline and legdrop follows, for a 2 count. Terry misses a second legdrop, which allows JYD to tag in. He cleans house, until Terry chokes him with the tag rope. JYD backdrops Terry to the floor (GIANT BUMP), and then he slams him through a table. WHOA. JYD clocks Hart, as Santana puts the FIGURE-FOUR LEGLOCK on Dory, but Terry wallops JYD upside his head with the megaphone. Obviously, that allows him to get the pinfall, and the time was 11:43.   Match Analysis: Hell yes. That was fun. On most other shows, this is the best tag match. On most, but on this one, no. Still great. ***1/4. ___________________   Before the main event, there's a Bundy/Hogan feud recap. Hogan's lifting weights and talking to MEAN GENE, but afterward, we have another promo....   It's King Kong Bundy and Bobby Heenan, who are talking to Jesse Ventura. Routine "I am the next WWF Champ" stuff. ___________________   Yeah, the last match on the card is King Kong Bundy w/Bobby Heenan vs. Hulk Hogan in a STEEL CAGE match for the WWF Championship. Tommy Lasorda is your ring announcer, and who cares about the rest.   Blow-by-blow: Hogan attacks and chokes King Kong Bundy with the strap on his ring attire, before ramming Bundy into the cage. Hogan clotheslines Bundy and hits him with a running elbow, so Bundy goes to Hogan's injured ribs. Bundy slams Hogan and puts his boot in his face, before going for the cage door. He can't make it out, so instead, he slams Hogan into the cage. Back to the door he goes, but he can't make it out. Bundy un-tapes Hogan's ribs, and chokes him with the tape. Bundy ties Hogan in the ropes with the tape, but he can't make it out the door, as Hogan pulls him back in. Hogan takes Bundy to the buckle and gives him a back elbow, then he rams Bundy into the cage. Bundy bleeds as Heenan covers up his forehead, and Hogan punches away. Hogan rakes Bundy's back, before ramming him into the cage two more times. He tries to slam Bundy, but Bundy falls on top of him. The door's open, but Bundy can't make it over. Hogan tries to choke him with the tape, but Bundy gives him an eye gouge. He takes Hogan to the corner, and gives him the AVALANCHE. A BIG SPLASH and another AVALANCHE follows, and now, time to HULK UP BROTHER. Powerslam, DROP THE FUCKIN' LEG, over the top of the cage and out, after knocking Bundy back down to the canvas, at 10:17. Heenan's stuck inside the cage, then Hogan comes in and tosses him into the cage. End of show, with Hogan posing.   Match Analysis: A standard cage match to be sure, but for some reason, I enjoy this even more the more often I see it. **1/4. Sloppy bladejob from Bundy takes it down a bit. ___________________   Rating: Bad. I have to change my standards for terrible. We'll make it 2 negative star matches and nothing at or over ***. If there are 3 negative star matches, we'll say nothing at or over ***1/2 gets a terrible rating. Anyway, this is probably the 3rd worst WrestleMania. I think 9 and 15 are the only ones which are worse.   Best Segment: The British Bulldogs vs. The Dream Team.   Worst Segment: The "boxing" match. ___________________   RAW and Nitro from 6/16/97 will be up next.
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Review: WCW Monday Nitro and WWF Monday Night RAW from 8/11/1997.

After Road Wild, and The Giant has been given a restraining order. Oh Lord, these angles suck. Also, we're from Denver! ___________________   The Wolfpac come out, talk about the Steiners, and then, The Outsiders take on two jobbers.   - The Steiners music hit, which introduced the Outsiders opponents. How cute. Nash jackknifes the one with red hair for the win at 1:28. 1/4*. Lame. Steiners run through the crowd and beat the Wolfpac up. Good! ___________________   Meng is taking on Wrath w/James Vandenberg...   - They meet in the aisle, and Meng beats him up on the inside. Haku vs. Adam Bomb is the stuff of dreams. Meng applies the TONGAN DEATH GRIP, which gets THE WIN at 2:40. So, Wrath's first TV loss is to a lower midcard guy in less than three minutes. That makes a lot of sense. *. Mortis and Barbarian run down to beat each other up. ___________________   The Steiners and Ted DiBiase are with Gene Okerlund, for an interview. They say that the Outsiders were lucky to have had such an incompetent official for their match at Road Wild. ___________________   Eddie Guerrero faces Chris Jericho here...   - One of many matches soon to take place between these two. After Jericho german's Eddie on his head, he gives Eddie a GIANT SWING. Eddie crotches Jericho on the top rope, and FROG SPLASHES him from all the way across the ring. All over at 4:33. **1/4. Entertaining. ___________________   Alex Wright invades during a Nitro Girl performance, then cuts a promo about how bad these fans are. ___________________ Now we've got Dean Malenko against Jeff Jarrett w/Debra for the US Title.   - Road Wild explains this matchup. Read the results. Jarrett wanted to leave the area, but an appearance from Mongo brought him back to the ring. Some WarGames hype follows from our commentary crew, and then Dean applies the TEXAS CLOVERLEAF. Eddie Guerrero runs in, and along with Jarrett, beats Dean up for the DQ at 4:13 (shown). *1/2. Mongo hits all the heels, and Dean beats up Mongo when he comes to. Weird. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Curt Hennig and Ric Flair...then the other Four Horsemen come out, and they talk about Hennig's match against Savage later tonight, and the Clash XXXV tag between Hennig & Flair who are facing Konnan and Syxx. ___________________   Hour #2 begins, with Scott Norton and Eric Bischoff coming down to the ring. The Giant was supposed to face Norton, but this whole restraining order thing got in the way. Other NWO guys came out and sung happy birthday to Hogan...so, the guy wins the World Title on the previous night and doesn't come to TV the next day. That makes a ton of sense. Buff Bagwell spraypaints the fifty feet line, and the Giant comes out to cross it. WHOA. Larry Z comes out to bring him back, and Scott Hall toothpicks Larry. They nearly fight. All done! ___________________   Lex Luger calls out Hulk Hogan, and then, we have Buff Bagwell w/Vincent vs. DDP.   - Strange matchup. Not very entertaining, although competitive. DIAMOND CUTTER finishes at 4:09 after Vincent botches interference. *. ___________________   On the Road... ___________________   We've got Mortis w/James Vandenberg vs. Ultimo Dragon for the Television Title...   - Now THIS is a strange matchup. Dragon powerbombs Mortis from the second rope and locks in the DRAGON SLEEPER for the submission at 3:09. *3/4. I do not understand why Mortis and Wrath have been jobbed out tonight. ___________________   JJ Dillon wants Sting back, Sting comes to the ring, and Dillon offers him a contract to face Syxx. Syxx? That's a step down from last week, when Dillon asked him to face Curt Hennig. Sting rips the contract up and leaves. ___________________ In our main event, we have Curt Hennig vs. Randy Savage w/Liz.   - All I can think about while watching this is, if only this had happened 9 years earlier. Page runs down for the no contest at 3:05, and he gets beaten up by Hall and Savage. Elbowdrops galore, as Hennig has been tossed out. Luger runs down, and we have our Clash XXXV main event. Easy as that. 1/2*, end show. ___________________   Rating is poor, didn't care for this at all. Best segment was Eddie/Jericho, worst was Savage/Hennig. Cause it was disappointing, you know? ___________________   RAW this week is from Biloxi, Mississippi. ___________________   Shawn Michaels is out, talking about SummerSlam and such, before the crowd chants that he's gay. "Why don't you ask your mom and sister how gay I am?" Slaughter comes out, spits in Shawn's face, and tells him to face Mankind. Okay. HBK talks about his insurance policy... ___________________ The British Bulldog and Owen Hart are out, to watch Hawk face Henry Godwinn in a Country Whippin' Match.   - To win, you must toss your opponent out of the ring. Both guys have straps, but they are not attached to each other. Owen and Bulldog both challenge the Patriot during commentary...   - Both men's partners run in, and Henry gets knocked out by Animal at 3:48, so Hawk wins. 1/2*. ___________________   Slaughter tosses Pillman his ring gear, as a guy named Tony Williams faces Scott Putski.   - Goldust comes out to watch, because he's going to show us a split-screen view of Pillman putting on his dress. Oh Lord. Pillman's really distraught about this whole situation, and he can't even get the dress on. Polish Hammer wins, I had to open the front door so I don't have the etime. Anyway, Slaughter makes Goldust leave after the match. *. ___________________   Taker's going to watch Shawn Michaels vs. Mankind later. Okay.   Flash Funk is facing Brian Pillman.   - Nice dress! Vince and the crew hype Hardcore Heaven 1997 a bit, then Slaugher says that Bulldog and Owen will face the Patriot and a partner of his choosing. All these fucking cameos during matches are pissing me off. Ridiculous. Goldust comes out, and shows us the footage of Pillman putting on his dress. Funk cradles Pillman from behind for the win at 3:16. *1/4. ___________________   Dude Love comes out, for an interview. It's pretty funny. He talks about the damage Mankind will do to Shawn Michaels, until Shawn Michaels appears on the TitanTron and rebutts these statements. ___________________ Warzone begins, with Owen Hart and the British Bulldog facing the Patriot and his mystery partner...KEN SHAMROCK!   - With Shamrock being the partner, Bulldog is quite terrified. After a commercial, we come back, and Bret Hart is on the walkway. Patriot makes the hot tag, and cleans house. Slaughter keeps Bret from walking down the ramp, and the referee is distracted as well. A chair comes in, the Hart Foundation can't use it, but Patriot full-nelson slams Bulldog onto the chair for the win at 8:06. **. ___________________   Shawn's with his insurance policy...but you can't see his face.   During a Patriot interview, Bret attacks the Patriot. Of course, he kicks his ass. Obviously. ___________________ Faarooq is scheduled to face Chainz...   - This will suck. Chainz clotheslines Faarooq into the referee on accident, and...Rocky Maivia(?) runs into the ring. ROCK BOTTOM on Chainz(!), and Faarooq pins him for the win at 3:04. What a surprise. 1/2*. I like it! ___________________   Sable's supposed to be the ring announcer for this next match, but Patriot comes to the ring and calls out Bret Hart. Bret Hart comes, and they fight. When the Hart Foundation come down, they really kick the Patriot's ass. Nobody runs in either. ___________________   Mankind tells Shawn Michaels that his insurance policy had better be life insurance...   and after a Brakus vignette, we have ___________________   Shawn Michaels vs. Mankind in our main event.   - Mankind brought a trash can. Unfortunately, Shawn put it on Mankind and the trash back stayed on the big lug. All covered up! This is a huge brawl, featuring lots of weird shit. Mick gets backdropped onto the announce table, and then for some reason, Shawn flies off the apron with an elbowdrop onto the announce table. These two have good chemistry. After Shawn rans Mankind's head into the post and back suplexes him onto the announce table, HHH and Chyna make their way out, as we head to a commercial.   - We're back, and Mankind's mask has been ripped off. RICK RUDE(!) walks down to the ring, stands there for a moment, and then grabs a chair. He clocks Mick in the head with it, and SWEET CHIN MUSIC leads to the pinfall victory at 8:42. ***1/2 for an outstanding TV match. Undertaker heads down to the ring, but Paul Bearer shows up on the TitanTron. KANE IS COMING. You will BURN IN HELL!   So yeah, show over. ___________________   Raw was good this time around, best segment was HBK/Mankind and the worst was Putski/Williams, in which we had to watch Pillman get dressed. Ugh.   Way better than Nitro. ___________________   REVIEW WCW THUNDER       Yeah, I'm reviewing that next.  
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Review: Saturday Night's Main Event #5, from Phoenix, Arizona, 3/1/86.

There's a whole bunch of stuff here. Hogan vs. Muraco, The British Bulldogs vs. the Dream Team...you really must watch this. There's one other thing, too, but we'll keep that a surprise. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Mr. T during his training for his boxing match later, he's ready to go to war. The intro to this show is great as always. As for the match Mr. T was talking about, Hulk Hogan set it up on Piper's Pit.   First, Mean Gene is with Bob Orton and Roddy Piper, who rag on Mr. T, as per usual.   Then Gene is with Mr. T, who doesn't care about Roddy Piper at all. ___________________   At this point, I think it's obvious what the next match is going to be. It's Mr. T vs. Boxing Bob Orton in a 10 round boxing match.   Blow-by-blow: If you think I'm going to review this seriously, I'm not. Mr. T using "Eye of the Tiger" as his entrance music was a nice touch. At the beginning, this looks better than the match this was used as set up for. Jesse Ventura says something about how Vince's ancestry (Irish) doesn't mean he knows everything about boxing. I laughed. Orton thumbed T in the eye, so there was a little break. When the bell to end the first round rang, Orton sucker punched Mr. T. Near the beginning of Round 2, Orton kneed T and worked on him with the referee distracted, but T punched Orton, knocking him over the top rope. That also gets the KO victory at about a minute into round #2. After the bout, Orton attacks Mr. T from behind, and Piper whips him with a belt. Jesse says this is Roots 2...nobody would ever get away with saying that now. They'd be lynched.   Match Analysis: Better than the boxing match that took place at WrestleMania 2, but it still wasn't very good. Out of kindness, DUD.   After the match, Gene Okerlund's with Mr. T, who wants Piper, ASAP. ___________________   Mean Gene is with King Kong Bundy and Bobby Heenan, who say that Bundy wants Hogan. They have a little plan cooked up, as well.   King Kong Bundy has a match though, he's facing Steve Gatorwolf.   Bundy takes him to the buckle, and after a few chops, gives him the AVALANCHE for the 5 count at 41 seconds. You know, because Bundy has to get a 5 count. Afterward, he takes the microphone from Howard Finkel, and says that he wants Hogan. NOW. 1/2*. ___________________   Mean Gene is with the Magnificent Muraco, and seeing as Mr. Fuji is sick...Bobby Heenan's going to be his manager tonight. The shot clips to a sick Fuji, and honestly, if I would've had something in my mouth, I would've done a spit-take. That was hilarious.   Mean Gene's with Hulk Hogan, who's ready, BROTHER. All my Hulkamaniacs, BROTHER. ___________________   So yeah, the Magnificent Muraco w/Bobby Heenan is facing Hulk Hogan for the WWF Title.   Blow-by-blow: This is the debut of Real American as Hogan's theme music. Cool. Muraco gives Hogan a shot to the gut, and rams him into the buckle. Muraco follows it up with a backrake, but Hogan backdrops him. Hogan stomps away and clotheslines Muraco, before giving him an atomic drop. He rams him into the ringpost, and sends him back into the ring. They slug it out, and the sequence ends with a big Hogan right hand for 2. Hogan gives Muraco a bearhug, but a Muraco headbutt breaks the hold. Muraco gives Hogan a legdrop and kneedrop for 2, and that is followed up with an Asian spike. Muraco headbutts Hogan down low...way down low, and gives him a russian leg sweep. Muraco comes off the 2nd rope with an Asian spike for 2, and now...it's time for the HULK-UP LITTLE DUDES. 3 punch, back elbow, boot, DROP THE FUCKIN' LEG, but Heenan runs in to get Muraco DQ'd at 6:53. Hogan has Heenan in a chokehold, but KING KONG BUNDY comes down to the ring, to attack Hogan. He gives Hogan three AVALANCHES in the corner, and two big splashes, before leaving. Hogan does a stretcher job and an ambulance ride...Gene Okerlund will be following him.   Match Analysis: It was ok, but not nearly the best match these two have had. Obviously that was because it was used as a vehicle to set up the possibility of a Bundy/Hogan match at WrestleMania. *3/4. ___________________   Before this match, Okerlund interviewed the Dream Team. Their non-title loss to the challengers on Championship Wrestling which aired on 2/1/86 meant nothing, they say.   You know who the challengers are? The British Bulldogs. Yeah, they're facing the Dream Team for the WWF Tag Titles.   Blow-by-blow: The Dream Team enter to "We Are the Champions." On most other shows, this would be the funniest thing on the night. But it wasn't on a different show, and it wasn't better than the clip of a sick Mr. Fuji. Valentine and Davey start, and Davey gives him an atomic drop. Dynamite headbutts Valentine from the apron, which Smith tries to capitalize on, only getting a 2 count though. Davey suplexes Valentine in for a 2 count, and then tags in Dynamite, who along with Davey gives Valentine a double clothesline. Dynamite headbutts Valentine for 2, but Beefcake is able to tag in. Dynamite knees him and rams him to the buckle, before Davey tags in. He works on the arm, and gives him a back elbow...which inadvertently allows Valentine to tag in. Davey press slams him for a 2 count, and after a tag to Dynamite, follows it up with a double headbutt. Dynamite gives the Hammer a kneedrop, and a back suplex. A falling headbutt comes soon after for 2, and a kneedrop from the 2nd rope does as well. Davey comes in and trades blows with Valentine, but Davey gets the best after a dropkick. Davey cradles Valentine for a 2 count, and tags in Dynamite. Valentine gives Dynamite an inverted atomic drop, and tags in Beefcake, but the managers are ARGUING ON THE OUTSIDE. We go to a   commercial break   and we're back, with Dynamite and Beefcake in the ring. Davey tags in, and gives Beefcake a missile dropkick. A big splash gets a 2 count, but Beefcake takes enough control to tag in Valentine. Valentine applies the FIGURE-FOUR leglock, but Dynamite quickly comes in and legdrops Valentine to break the hold. Dynamite tags in now and headbutts away, but Valentine elbows him and elbowdrops him from the 2nd rope for 2. A Valentine shoulderbreaker gets a 2 count, and he rams Dynamite into Beefcake's foot, before making the tag. Beefcake takes Dynamite to the canvas and kicks him for 2, before bringing Valentine back in. He forearms Dynamite for 2 and goes to apply the FIGURE-FOUR, but Dynamite kicks him away. Valentine goes to the top rope, but Dynamite slams him off and goes up, nailing Valentine with a missile dropkick for 2. Dynamite clotheslines Valentine for 2, and suplexes him for a 2 count. A shmoz ensues, but it ends when Valentine gives Dynamite a shoulderblock and falls on top of him for the pinfall at about 12 minutes or so.   Match Analysis: What a match. ****. Perfectly placed, with a well-done surprise ending. Saw the finish line coming, but didn't see how they'd get there. ___________________   Mean Gene's at the hospital, and he'll relay information on Hulk Hogan whenever possible. After, we have the premiere of the REAL AMERICAN video.     Felt like I should share that. It's great. ___________________   The last match on the card is Adrian Adonis w/Jimmy Hart vs. the Junkyard Dog, but first, Adrian Adonis is with Gene Okerlund. To say he acted gay is an understatement and a half.   Blow-by-blow: JYD's "Another One Bites the Dust" music is great. Honestly, if you haven't seen this stage of Adonis' gimmick, let's just say that he acts way more gay here than at the end of it. Adrian flames his way around the ring, so JYD beels him across the ring. JYD headbutts Adonis and sends him over the top, but Adonis is tied in the ropes, facing JYD. So JYD nails him a few times, and slingshots him in from the apron. JYD clotheslines Adonis which is accompanied by a 360 sell for 2, and in response, Adonis punches away. Like a sissy. JYD sends him to the buckle, upside down and over the top. JYD headbutts Jimmy Hart and imitates Adonis, then brings both of them into the ring. He throws Hart into Adonis, which knocks both men over the top rope. Adonis comes in and JYD misses a headbutt, so Jimmy Hart ties him onto the bottom rope with some of Adonis' entrance attire. Adonis chokes away on the JYD, until the referee pulls him off. Adonis gives JYD a fistdrop for 2, and goes for a piledriver. In mid-move JYD accidentally kicks the referee, so Adonis tries to grab Jimmy Hart's megaphone, to cheat. JYD takes the megaphone and rams it into Adonis, which gives him the pinfall victory at sometime between 8 and 9 minutes. After the bout, Adonis clocks JYD upside the head with the megaphone.   Match Analysis: This featured a lot of great spots, but that's all it was. Very little wrestling, so it'll get a *1/2 rating. All that said, it was a lot of fun. ___________________   Mean Gene's at the hospital with a report on Hulk Hogan, the physician says that Hulk's neck, ribs, and back are messed up. Recap of the show follows, and that's it. ___________________   Rating: Good. Has to be, with that great tag title match.   Best Segment: The British Bulldogs vs. the Dream Team/ Mr. Fuji being sick.   Worst Segment: Uh, the boxing match. Cannot stand. ___________________   WrestleMania 2 review will be up next.
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Review: WWF from Boston Garden; 3/18/1989.

Tony and Lord Alfred are sitting at ringside for this much awaited event... ___________________   First match is the Young Stallions vs. Los Conquistadors.   - The Conquistadors constant switching in and out is always nice. But I'm not interested in the match at all. It's an okay match, I just don't care. A Roma missile dropkick leads to the pinfall victory for the Young Stallions at 14:58. **. ___________________   Judy Martin vs. Rockin' Robin is teh fast forward time. Sorry. ___________________   Mr. Perfect vs. Ronnie Garvin is the next bout.   - I've never seen Garvin so juiced up. Most everyone hit the juice real hard once they went up north, so I'm not surprised. Lots of chop trading and overselling. And chinlocks!   - GARVIN STOMP. Yeah, that's lame. Perfect reverses a Garvin crossbody from the top for the win at 14:23. *1/2. Too much chinlocking. ___________________   Leaping Lanny Poffo read us a WrestleMania V promo...he's gone heel now! Got quite a bit of heat. ___________________   The Brainbusters vs. The Rockers is up...   - Oh God, what a match this is going to be. Stereo dropkicks by the Rockers! After Arn's in for oh, about ten minutes, Tully tags in, and the Rockers give them stereo FIGURE-FOURS!   - Tony calling a match with Tully and Arn involved is TOO NWA for me. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Jannetty's been in for a really long time. Once Shawn makes the tag and the Rockers go on a roll, Shawn hits a big splash from Marty's shoulders onto Tully, but Arn pulls the referee out. So, the Brainbusters get disqualified at 22:27. What a lengthy match. Good stuff, but lacking oomph. And a finish. I believe their match at MSG that's on the Shawn DVD was better. ***1/2. ___________________   The Brooklyn Brawler is set to face The Red Rooster.   - Poor Terry Taylor. Brawler teased leaving, but, you know, he came back. Chinlocks are far too numerous in this bout, and seeing as the crowd didn't care in the first place, I don't blame the two for their use of them. Taylor wins with a backslide at 11:22. Yes, a backslide. *. ___________________   Bad News Brown vs. Hercules looks, um, strange.   - Yeah, strange. Bad News would've been a good dude to use during the Attitude Era. Bad News uses weapons, like the bell and a wooden chair. Both men fly to the outside, that's a double countout at 6:04. Bad News dumped Hercules to the outside, but the chain scared Bad News away. Throwaway match. 1/2*. ___________________   The Rougeau Brothers and Dino Bravo w/Frenchy Martin are set to face Jim Duggan and the Bushwhackers.   - All American Boys! Love that song. However, oh God, the Bushwhackers. Could've done without them. I hate these comedy matches, but this one has a lot more serious wrestling. Duggan cleans house, then hits Raymond with the 2x4, allowing Butch to pick up the pinfall victory at 11:35. 3/4*. ___________________   Big Bossman w/Slick is set to take on Hulk Hogan inside of a Steel Cage.   - Great main. Fast action early, as Slick tosses Bossman a chain. Referee opened the door to check both guys after the chainshot, and Hogan's up at 9. Hogan can't get through the door, so he suplexes Bossman instead. Hogan hits Bossman with the chain, and he's busted wide open. You could see the marks from Bossman's bladejob earlier in the day. Quite clearly! Big legdrop, up the cage, but Slick's holding on tight to Hogan's leg. Hogan kicks him away, and crotches Bossman on the top. He takes Slick's handcuffs, handcuffs Bossman to the top rope, and Hogan goes over and out for the win at 9:17. Hogan hits Bossman with the ringbell and tosses Slick into the cage. Hogan poses in the ring, and the show's over.   Their match earlier in the day at MSG was better. I remember it from an old Hulkamania video I rented at the old videostore a long time back. I could be mistaken, but I am 100% sure that match had a Hogan superplex from the top of the cage. This one was only ***. I don't know how they were able to run both MSG and Boston Garden in one day. Crazy. All the matches had the same winner, and in the case of Bad News/Hercules, the same double countout. ___________________   Rating: Good. Too much crud to wade through, but having two *** matches on a show from the 80's is a positive.   Best Segment: I love cage matches. Rockers/Busters was better, but cage matches are my favorite. So the main event. AGAIN.   Worst Segment: Bad News vs. Hercules really sucked. ___________________   ECW time next time. Living Dangerously 1999.
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Review: WWF WrestleMania X8, from Toronto, Ontario, 3/17/2002.

While I don't like this show, seeing as WrestleMania VIII is up, I gotta get this out of the way. ___________________ Opening video and all that, but to start the show off, the first match on the card is Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal for the Intercontinental Championship.   Blow-by-blow: RVD attacks to start, and clotheslines Regal. A standing moonsault follows, but RVD misses a charge to the corner soon after. Regal looks for brass knuckles in his tights, but RVD kicks them out of his hand. He dropkicks Regal and goes for the FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH, but RVD misses. Regal knees RVD in the face for a 2 count, but RVD follows with a crossbody for 2. Regal gives RVD a drop-toe hold, and a suplex for 2 count. A neckbreaker follows for 2, and then, Regal applies a cross armed choke. He likes that move. Regal's bleeding from the mouth, and RVD misses ROLLING THUNDER when given the chance to hit it. Regal gives RVD a double-underhook powerbomb for 2, but RVD rolls him up afterward, only getting 2. RVD gives Regal a dropkick and a monkeyflip, but he misses a charge to the corner. Regal drops RVD on his head with a half-nelson suplex, and goes for the brass knuckles. RVD kicks Regal so he can't hit RVD with the knuckles, and finishes the bout via pinfall after a FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH at 6:20. New Intercontinental Champion and all that.   Match Analysis: Eh, what do you say. It was a good opener. It was also too short, and strange given both wrestlers style. **1/4. ___________________   Christian cuts a promo next, and we see a clip from RAW, when he beat Billy Gunn. He heels on this second class city that the show's in (being Toronto), and smiles for the camera. What a fellow. ___________________   Christian vs. DDP is our European Championship match...   Blow-by-blow: Christian's music is top-20 of all time. Yeah, I said it. DDP's coming full-circle. If you don't know the story, he drove Rhythm & Blues to the ring in a pink Cadillac at WrestleMania VI. In Toronto. Anyhow, Christian tries to surprise Page, but Page recovers and gives Christian a gutwrench chestbreaker. Yeah, I just said that. He clotheslines Christian ove rthe top and rams him into the retaining wall twice, before bringing Christian back in. Page goes for a 10 punch at the corner, but Christian lowblows him. Ouch. He drops Page along the top rope, and knocks him down all the way to the floor on a charge. Inside, DDP trips Christian and tries to ram him nut-first into the ringpost, but Christian pulls DDP into the post. Christian gives DDP an abdominal stretch, and follows it up with a reverse DDT-backbreaker type thing for 2. Christian goes up to the top, but DDP slams him off, all the way down to the canvas. That's followed up by a spinning sitout-powerbomb for 2. Christian tries for the UNPRETTIER, but instead, he rams DDP into the buckle and gives him a reverse DDT. Then there's a little reversal sequence, which ends with the DIAMOND CUTTER. Obviously, that ends the match, and Page retains his title via pinfall at 6:09. After the match, DDP grabs a microphone and talks a bit, which causes Christian to throw a temper tantrum.   Match Analysis: Would've been really good if it was longer than 6 minutes. But it wasn't, so it was just good. Same rating as the last, that being **1/4. DDP still had the ability to have a good/great match. ___________________   Here's what happened next.   http://youtube.com/watch?v=u1TC8TgrFRI   I put these great promos in, because honestly, I can't sum them up well enough for people to read it. It's just better to post them.   I noticed that you can't embed videos anymore. What the hell is this nonsense? ___________________   Goldust vs. Maven for the HARDCORE Title is our next match...   Blow-by-blow: Goldie has those gold weaponz!11!1! Goludst attacks to start, and beels Maven into the retaining wall at ringside. That looked like it hurt. Goldust gets on the apron after placing Maven on the wall, and he dives out onto him. Goldust then hits Maven with a cookie sheet, and inside, he slingshots him into a trash can. Well, he kinda missed the can, so Maven quickly gets up and dropkicks the can into Goldust's face. Maven cradles him for 2, but Goldust comes back with a neckbreaker for 2. Goldust gives Maven a front suplex, and kicks the handle of a GOLD SHOVEL into Maven's throat. Goldust places a garbage can in the corner, and rams Maven into it for a 2 count. Goldust grabs a garbage lid, but Maven has one too, and they hit each other with them. SPIKE DUDLEY runs down to the ring, and he pins Maven to win the Hardcore Title at 3:17. Haha. Crash Holly chases Spike out of the building, and both Maven and Goldust give chase as well.   Match Analysis: 1/2*. But I love the 24/7 rule. ___________________   Next is a shitty performance by Drowning Pool...honestly, I fast-forwarded.   In the back, Crash Holly rams Spike Dudley into a wall, getting a 2 count. Al Snow's driving a golf cart, and he runs over a ton of boxes on accident, instead of hitting Spike. Spike turns to leave, but Hurricane FLIES into the picture and hits Spike, before covering him to win the Hardcore Title. 24/7 rules, son. HAHA. Bring back the Hardcore Title! ___________________ Kurt Angle takes on Kane, but first, Kurt Angle cuts a promo on Canada. Like you didn't see that coming.   Blow-by-blow: In mid-promo, Kane comes out. Angle hits him with the bell, so he can't be disqualified. The bell never rang! They slug it out once the bell rings, and Angle gives him a german suplex. Kane comes back with (what else) a back elbow, and then a choke toss. He tries for the chokeslam, but Angle pushes him away and gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. Angle chokes away after two clotheslines, and gives Kane a back suplex for 2. Angle goes for the front facelock, but when Kane powers out, he just drops Angle to the canvas like he's nothin'. Kane gives Angle a sideslam, but in response, Angle gives Kane the ROLLING GERMAN SUPLEXES. Three suplexes, at that. It only gets a 2 count. Angle comes off the top rope with a clothesline, but when he goes up top again, Kane clotheslines him on the way down. Kane gives Angle a big boot and a backdrop, followed up by a powerslam for 2. Kane misses a charge to the corner, but he still gives Angle a chokeslam for 2. Kane goes for the TOMBSTONE, but Angle counters the hold with an ANGLE SLAM for 2. The straps come off, and Angle goes to the ANKLE LOCK. Kane powers out after a bit, and gives Kurt an enziguri. Kane goes to the top, but Angle gives him the pop-up belly-to-belly suplex. An Angle Slam attempt follows, but Kane counters it with a chokehold. Angle rolls through the choke, and pins Kane with his feet on the ropes for 3 at 10:43.   Match Analysis: An Olympic carryjob. I mean, wow. *** for what is almost the best match on the card. Haven't seen anything better from Kane, in, like, ever. ___________________   The Hurricane's in the back, trying to hide from the action. He also has a broom, but Godfather's hos are in the room. Yeah, there's a boner joke and all, until the Godfather chases him out. ___________________   Ric Flair vs. the Undertaker is our next match, and there are NO disqualifications.   Blow-by-blow: Hype video and all that, in probably the only match on this show that didn't have some retarded reason for occuring. Flair runs down to the ring and attacks Taker, so they trade blows. They fight on the announce table, until Taker rams Flair into the ringpost. Into the stairs Flair goes, then we go back into the ring. Taker whips Flair into the corner, but Flair can't make it over the turnbuckles. Poor guy. They do the spot again, and Flair makes it over, given a big boot when on the apron for his troubles. Taker sits Flair down in a chair and punches away, so Flair bleeds. Inside, Taker kicks Flair, and Flair flops to the ground. Taker gives Flair two clotheslines, and places him on the top, for a gigantic superplex (the superplex is my favorite wrestling move, you see). It only gets 2, because Taker pulls Flair up. Taker places Flair on the apron and legdrops him, but he only gets 2, for the same reason as the last. Taker goes for OLD SCHOOL, but Flair throws him down to the canvas. That doesn't really matter, as Taker gives Flair a sideslam for 2. Flair chops away, knocking Taker out of the ring, and gets a lead pipe. He hits Taker in the head with it, so Taker bleeds. More shots with the lead pipe and a "keep off" sign follow, as we go back in the ring. Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Flair gives him a low blow and applies the FIGURE-FOUR leglock. Taker chokes Flair to break the hold, and chokeslams Flair for a 2 count. Taker tosses the referee into the turnbuckle, and goes out to get the pipe. ARN FREAKING ANDERSON runs down to the ring, unexpectedly I might add, and gives Taker a SPINEBUSTER, getting Flair a 2 count. When watching this live, I thought it was over. Taker punches Arn to make him bleed, and applies a dragon sleeper, until Flair hits him in the back with a chair. Flair tries to hit him in the head with it, but Taker kicks it back into his face. Flair's unable to take the LAST RIDE, so instead, Taker gives him the TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER for 3 at 18:46.   Match Analysis: Really good match, but it was too long. After thinking about it, it's just as good as Angle/Kane, so I'll give it ***. Streak and all that, but Arn's run-in really should've ended the match in favor of Flair. ___________________   Booker T cuts a promo next, talking about Einstein's theory of relatives. I laughed. He had on glasses, too. Good stuff. ___________________ Booker T vs. Edge is the next match, obviously.   Blow-by-blow: Worst feud in the history of feuds. Period. Edge gets the best of the initial punchout, but Booker gives him a shoulderblock. Edge comes back with a dropkick and facebuster, which only gets a 1 count. Booker gives Edge a hotshot, and a spinning heel kick for 2. Booker clotheslines Edge over the top, and comes off the apron onto Edge with a big right hand. Booker goes up to the top when Edge gets back in, and gives him a missile dropkick. Booker follows with a spinebuster for 2, but when he goes back up top, Edge crotches him. Edge gives Booker a hurricanrana with Booker placed on top, but it looked all funny. That's followed up by 2 Edge clotheslines, and a spinning heel kick off the top for 2. Edge gives Booker a slingshot into the turnbuckle, but he misses the spear attempt that ensues. Booker gives Edge a superkick, and entertains us with...THE SPINAROONIE! Booker follows with the SCISSOR KICK for 2, before going for the BOOKEND. Edge says no, and SPEARS Booker for 2. EDGEAROONIE and all that, then the EDGECUTION finishes off Booker for the 3 count at 6:32. Match Analysis: Going through the motions...**. ___________________   In the back, THE HURRICANE is talking to Jonathan Coachman. Mighty Molly is there, and she hits Hurricane with a frying pan to win the Hardcore Title. Ha. ___________________ STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN is going to take on Scott Hall...who's accompanied by Kevin Nash.   Blow-by-blow: Austin in the mid-card boggles the mind, as does the NWO music being dubbed over. Austin stomps a mudhole in Hall to start the match, and gives him a back elbow. Austin follows it up with the THESZ PRESS, and an elbowdrop. Hall bails, but Austin attacks both he and Nash. Hall gets rammed into the steel steps, and they go back inside. Hall clotheslines Austin for 2, and whips Austin into a turnbuckle that Nash pulled the pad off of. Outside Austin goes, where Nash beats him up. In the process, Nash tears his quad. Back inside, and Hall gives Austin a fallaway slam for 2. Hall gives Austin a clothesline for 2, and with the referee distracted afterward, Nash punches Austin. Austin comes back with a spinebuster on Hall, and a STUNNER...but Nash pulls the referee out of the ring during the count and clobbers him. Nash comes into the ring as Hall gets a chair, but Austin gives both a STUNNER. The cover on Hall gets two, as Nash elbowdrops the new referee. Ha. Nash goes out of the ring thanks to Austin, and so does Hall, via a backdrop. Yo. The referees come out and make Nash leave, as Austin and Hall fight on the outside. Hall gives Austin a STUNNER back in the ring, but he only gets a 2 count. Austin pops back up, two STUNNERS, and the win at 9:52. Love how Hall just stood there, looking, well, stunned, after the first of those two STUNNERS. Beer celebration, surprised Hall didn't snag one for himself, harharharharhar. Match Analysis: More going through the motions stuff...*3/4. ___________________   To part two of the program we go, and WWF Axxess. Doesn't need to be covered. ___________________   The next matchup is a 4 Corners Elimination Match, as it's the Dudley Boyz w/Stacy Keibler vs. the APA vs. the Hardy Boyz vs. Billy and Chuck for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   This is probably the hardest match I've had to review so far. It wasn't very easy. APA attack the champions at the start, and Bradshaw will start the match, facing Billy Gunn. Bradshaw tries a fallaway slam, but Chuck tags in. Bradshaw still gives Gunn the fallaway slam, but Chuck tripped him or something. Bradshaw gives Billy a back suplex, and Faarooq tags in. Billy rams him into the buckle and stomps on Faarooq, but Faarooq counters with a powerslam. A DDT follows for 2, and D-Von tags in, with Billy going out. Faarooq gives D-Von a spinebuster, and Billy is given the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL by Bradshaw...but Bradshaw is given the 3D, eliminating his team at 3:25. * for that, it was a mess.   The Hardys both come into the ring and do a bunch of combo moves on their opponent, honestly, this shit is happening so fast that I can't even write it down. The Dudleys set up a table, and Jeff gives Bubba Ray a pescado. Stacy Keibler gets on the ring apron, so Jeff spanks her when she pulls up her shorts as a distraction. Smart move. Bubba gives Billy a BUBBA BOMB, but he misses a charge to the corner. He's still able to give Jeff Hardy a backdrop, for a 2 count. D-Von gives Jeff a suplex for 2, and when Bubba tags back in, he stomps on Jeff's nuts. D-Von gives Jeff a back elbow after the tag, but Jeff responds with a reverse DDT. Matt Hardy and Bubba Ray tag in, Matt gives Bubba a DDT, and slams D-Von. Cause he's a house of fire. I know this part of the review is a mess, but just bear with me. Bubba gives Matt a back suplex, but he misses a senton off the top rope. Obviously, that means Matt Hardy has to go UHHHH and give Bubba a legdrop off the 2nd rope. The Dudleys try to do the WAZZUP headbutt after a few punches, but Billy pushes D-Von all the way down to the floor and through the table that was sitting at ringside. Ouch. TWIST OF FATE on Bubba, SWANTON, and the Dudleys are gone at 11:49. Useless pile of shit waste of time. DUD.   Chuck gives Matt a superkick for a 2 count to start this portion of the the match, so in response, Jeff legdrops Chuck in the lower abdominal area. Matt gives Chuck what would later be known as the SIDE EFFECT, and Jeff tags right back in. POETRY IN MOTION is given to both Billy and Chuck, and then, Chuck is given a TWIST OF FATE. The SWANTON BOMB follows, but Billy gives Jeff a FAMEASSER, for 2. Billy runs in with one of the tag titles, and he hits Jeff in the back of the head with it, giving Chuck the pinfall over Jeff at 13:51. Whadda ya know? The two non-shitty parts of this match (although that is debatable) gave us the best part of the match. I rated this part **. Now, for the overall rating. 3 out of a possible 15 stars is a...* rating. Awfully shitty for a nearly 15 minute match. Add length and how terrible that length was into the equation, and knock down half. 1/2* is my rating for that horrendous spectacle. 2nd worst tag title match at WrestleMania.   (The worst is going to be put on this channel next week...or at least I remember it being the worst.) ___________________   You see, HULK HOGAN wants to go at it alone tonight, so the other members of the NWO will not accompany him to the ring.   After that, Christian hits Mighty Molly with the top half of a two-halved door, and pins her to win the Hardcore Title. Sonofabitch. ___________________   Excuse the copy and paste job. I think this is the best review of any match I've done, so I'm proud of it.   Rock vs. Hogan. That's all the description you need.   Blow-by-blow: The staredown before the bout still gives me chills, even though I've watched this match at least 20 times. Both wrestlers lock-up, until Hogan pushes Rocky to the canvas. He poses, and the crowd goes apeshit. I still mark for this entire match, so everything is going to be insanely biased. Hogan gives Rock a shoulderblock, and poses more. Hell yeah, son! He gives him a clothesline, but Rock comes back with one of his own, and tells him to BRING IT. Rocky gives him the SPIT PUNCH, but Hogan seems deathly terrified of taking a bump over the top, so he scoots out of the ring under the bottom rope. Rocky throws Hogan back in, and clotheslines him after Hogan isn't able to backdrop the Rock. Rock goes for ROCK BOTTOM, but he gets elbowed away by Hogan, and then given a running elbow. Hogan gives him 2 elbowdrops, and a face stomp to boot. Rocky gives Hogan a spear, and the mount punch. Hogan then gives Rock a back suplex, which gets a 2 count. Hogan goes to the ABDOMINAL STRETCH, and then rolls Rock up for another 2 count. He gives Rock the BACK RAKE, and a few chops, before taking him to the corner. Over there, he gives Rock two punches, and bites him. Rocky gives him a few chops (huh), and Hogan misses a charge to the corner, but quickly gives Rock a chokeslam afterward. Hogan takes the tape off his wrists and chokes the Rock with it, and tosses Rock out over the top rope. He rams the Rock into the steel steps, and slams him throat-first onto the barrier at ringside. Hogan begins to take apart the announce table, seemingly to slam Rocky onto it, but the Rock gets there first, and rams Hogan into the table. Rock grabs a chair, but the official takes it away, preventing him from using it. Back inside, Hogan gives Rock a clothesline, and sidesteps when the Rock's running afterward, forcing the Rock to run into the official. Rock comes back with an ugly spinebuster, and the SHARPSHOOTER. Hogan gets to the ropes, but since the ref's out, why break the hold? Once Rock thinks he's done enough, he revives the referee, as the crowd chants "Rocky Sucks." Gee, they love him, don't they. Hogan gives the Rock a low blow, and a ROCK BOTTOM, which only gets 2. Hogan takes off his weight belt now, and hits Rock with it three times. If Hollywood hasn't used his belt yet, the match isn't going to be ending. Of course, he has to take some punishment too, after he misses a punch with the belt on his hand, and gets caught with a DDT by Rocky. Rock grabs the belt now, and hits Hogan with it 7 times. He gives Hogan ROCK BOTTOM, which gets an early 2 count. Oh my GAWD, he's HULKIN' UP! Boom, boom, boom, big boot, DROP THE FUCKING LEG, but it only gets 2. JR was going into raptures about how Hogan pinned Andre with the legdrop, so it's fitting that the move didn't finish the match. Hogan gives Rock another big boot, but is unable to DROP THE FUCKING LEG. Rock gives him ROCK BOTTOM, and sends him down to ROCK BOTTOM AGAIN, then kips up and gives him the MF'ING PEOPLE'S ELBOW for 3 at 16:23. After the Rock celebrates for a bit, Hogan extends his hand in friendship. The Rock accepts the gesture, so Scott Hall and Kevin Nash go to the ring. They thought Hogan was NWO 4 LIFE, but I guess he's not, so they attack him. The Rock runs back down to the ring, and cleans house, along with Hogan. He wants Hogan to pose, so he does. That's the end of WM X8...oh wait, it's not.   Match Analysis: ***. I don't have any problem with those that say the match wasn't that good, but come on. Not only that, but it should've been their only match, and the match at No Way Out 2003 should never have happened. But yeah, the show should've ended here. It would've been the perfect ending, Hogan passing the torch, and then Rocky coming back to help run off the dastardly NWO, who turned on the guy they thought was NWO 4 LIFE. For shame WWF, for shame.   (One last thing, from the present and not the C&P. You know how I said this should've ended the show? Well, this rings ever true throughout the rewatch. Everything else on this show is not worthy of being at WrestleMania. Everything.) ___________________   Lita vs. Trish vs. Jazz is our Triple Threat for the Women's Title match....   Blow-by-blow: You talk about a dead crowd, goodness. Lita and Jazz fight in the middle of the ring before Trish can run down (nice buttshorts btw), and Jazz kicks Trish in the mush when she finally gets there. Jazz gives Trish a BOSTON CRAB, Rick Martel style, and follows it up with a chickenwing toss on Lita. She's dominating the match, and gives Lita a legdrop, for 2. Jazz gives Lita a double-underhook suplex, as Trish goes out of the ring. Lita mounts a comeback with a flying headscissor, and a powerbomb on Jazz for 2. Jazz gives Lita a hotshot, and places her up top, but Trish comes in, ending whatever Jazz had in mind. Trish rolls Jazz up for 2, and reverses a Lita crossbody for a 2 count. Lita clotheslines Jazz, and in response, Trish kicks Lita and gives her a bulldog for 2. Jazz splashes Lita for 2, then gives Trish a fisherman's buster for a 2 count. You know, they're trying to do the whole Jazz thing with Beth Phoenix, and it doesn't work. Trish gives Jazz a reverse DDT for 2, then Lita and Trish get in a little argument. Lita slaps Trish and gives her a backdrop, before giving Jazz a TWIST OF FATE. Lita takes off her shirt, but misses a moonsault from the top, unfortunately. Trish rolls Lita up for 2, but seeing as that failed, she tries to give Jazz a backslide, also getting 2. Lita backdrops Jazz over the top and rams Trish into the buckle, before going UP top. Trish crotches her and gets knocked off the apron, so Jazz makes her way up and gives Lita a FISHERMAN'S BUSTER OFF THE TOP for 3 at 6:16.   Match Analysis: First off, why have the Canadian lose when the crowd is dying/dead. Give them some life. But then again, why have the Canadian win when the crowd is dead. Then it makes it look like the title change means nothing. *1/2, and I would've rated it higher, but a large part of good women's wrestling on this continent is being able to get the crowd into it. They weren't here, but when the crowd does enjoy it, the matches rock. Unfortunately, there are few matches which have fit that billing in the WWF or WWE, whatever iteration of the company you want to look at. ___________________   Christian's about to leave in a taxi, but Maven sneaks up behind him and rolls him up for the 3 count. How many title changes on the whole show have there been, 6? I think it's 6, to this point. Anyway, Maven jumps in the taxi and leaves. Not only did Christian lose the Hardcore Title, he lost his luggage as well. Then he throws a temper tantrum, likely because he lost a 100 dollar pair of underwear or something. ___________________   The (un-anticipated) main event on this card is Triple H vs. Chris Jericho w/Stephanie McMahon for the Undisputed Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Drowning Pool plays HHH to the ring, but this time, I don't fast-forward. Why? Because I like this song, at least as much as you can like a Drowning Pool song. Jericho goes for the knee at the beginning of the match, but HHH just gives him a backdrop in response. Two clotheslines follow, and so does a high knee. HHH sells the leg injury afterward, so Jericho backdrops him over the top. HHH slams Jericho from the top rope to the floor as Jericho tried to leap on HHH, and HHH gives Jericho a suplex on the outside. HHH peels apart the announce tables, but Jericho gives him a few front leg back kicks to prevent anything from occuring. Inside, HHH gives Jericho a spear, but Jericho responds by going right back to the leg. Jericho gives HHH three elbowdrops, and kicks HHH's leg twice, before going to the eyes. HHH responds with a kneebreaker and a FIGURE-FOUR, until Stephanie McMahon forces HHH to break the hold. HHH pulls her onto the apron, and makes Jericho run into her, knocking her down to the floor. HHH then tosses her in, but Jericho gives him a missile dropkick. Jericho rams HHH's leg into the post and applies a leglock soon after, before ramming HHH's knee into the canvas. Jericho slaps on the RINGPOST FIGURE-FOUR (original is better in this case), but he can't hold it for too long anyway. Jericho applies a spinning toehold next, and uses the ropes, until HHH kicks him into the buckle. HHH follows that up with a neckbreaker, and a clothesline for a 2 count. HHH continues the assault with the knee to the face, and a spinebuster, which gets a 2 count. Jericho tosses HHH over the top rope to catch a break, and then they both go toward the announce tables. Jericho tries the WALLS OF JERICHO on one announce table (like, what does that add to the move, exactly), but he can't get the move to work. HHH then goes for the PEDIGREE, but Jericho backdrops him onto and through the other announce table. Back in and a LIONSAULT gets 2, twice. Nobody really cares. Little finisher reversal sequence here, which ends in the WALLS OF JERICHO. HHH makes the ropes, of course, like everyone else does. Stephanie gets on the apron to distract the referee as Jericho grabs a chair, but HHH kicks the chair in Jericho's face and DDT's him onto the chair for a 2 count. Stephanie now has the chair, but the referee takes it away...leaving her with no defense against HHH. HHH gives her a PEDIGREE to a substantial pop, but Jericho hits him with a chair, for 2. Jericho goes for the JERICHOGREE or something, but it's not happenin'. HHH rams him into the buckle and gives him the PEDIGREE, to win the Undisputed Title at 18:41. HHH celebrates, to end the show. Match Analysis: It wasn't even a bad match. It was actually a good match...but for that crowd. Man, that killed everything for me. **3/4. The Stephanie shit got really tiresome throughout, to be fair. ___________________   Rating: Decent. Just a regular, standard PPV show.   Best Segment: Uh, Rock/Hogan. Not close, really.   Worst Segment: Dudleys vs. Hardys vs. APA vs. Billy and Chuck. Awful. ___________________   I'll put up a WrestleMania VIII review sometime before or on Wednesday.
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LFC Blog
 

Review: Monday Night RAW and Monday Nitro from 6/23/1997.

From Detroit, Michigan, it's MONDAY NIGHT RAWWWWW ___________________   This show is in memory of Stan Stasiak, and I'm glad to see that wasn't cut out.   The Nation of Domination make their way down to the ring, because they have an interview with Vince McMahon. Ahmed Johnson does a majority of the talking, and he sucks at it. Just shut up already. The other Nation members say some stuff, and talk about Ahmed finally getting a shot at the Undertaker. O RLY? Crush and some white boys show up, all of them riding motorcycles. You see, Crush wants to ride 'til he dies. These guys are the Disciples of Apocalypse. They must hate blacks, because now they fight with the Nation, until officials and police come down to the ring and break it up. ___________________ Preview of the show....and after a crazy LOD promo, we have Rockabilly w/Honky Tonk Man taking on Ken Shamrock.   - Shamrock finally has the same music for a second week in a row. Dan Severn is on commentary, FWIW.   - Vince goes to bat for the UFC, and starts talking about how officials are trying to have it shut down...needless to say, Vince would not be defending the UFC today, or even talking about it. Shamrock ANKLE LOCK gets the tapout at 2:38. 1/2*. Honky wanted to hit Shamrock with his guitar, but Shamrock turned around before that could happen. Honky just left, and now, Severn and Shamrock are staring each other down. They shake hands, and Shamrock raises Severn's hand. Lame. ___________________   The Godwinns have something to say, and they say it before their first round tag tournament match with the Legion of Doom.   - The Godwinns toss foilage at LOD before the match...it wasn't even slop, for cryin' out loud. They're out of the farmer phase as well, as evidenced by the lack of yellow shirts.   - Apparently Ken Shamrock has been attacked by the Hart Foundation...we're supposed to hear more about that, but we never do. Hawk gives Henry a flying clothesline off the top, giving LOD the pinfall victory to advance into the semi-finals, at 3:42. It was an awkward looking finish as Henry landed on Animal's back, so I'll give it *. The Hart Foundation (sans Bret, who's at the stage) comes down to the ring and attacks LOD with chairs, leaving them down and out in the middle of the ring. ___________________   Thomas Hearns is there...YEAH, boy. Probably my favorite fighter of all-time, although Shane Mosley is my favorite of the present.   Paul Bearer and the Undertaker are in the back, and the Undertaker is tired of Paul's shit. He chokes Bearer, and chokes Vader as well once Vader enters the picture. Then Taker leaves.   Owen Hart has an interview, in which he talks about a conspiracy against him. You know, it isn't fair that a Canadian has to fight two Americans in a triple threat match on US soil.   Last in this little block of junk, we have a promo for the "Cause Stone Cold Said So" video, it's rated M, because Austin is a crazy motherfucker, you see. ___________________   Flash Funk vs. Sabu w/Bill Alfonso is our next contest...   - Funk cuts a promo prior to the bout, needless to say, this could be very good. Paul E. is on commentary, and we see some footage of Sabu's ECW matches before this. Now, here's what I've gotta know. Why is Vince showing this footage? It makes the WWF look like amateur punk stuff. I sure know I wouldn't have let that run on my TV time.   - Hell of an exhibition here, which ends as both are counted out at 4:38. Sabu sets Funk up on a table outside the ring and gives him a quebrada, but it doesn't break the table. A big splash doesn't break the table as Heyman talks about non-pre cut tables in the WWF, so now, Sabu has to go back up top. A legdrop off the top finally puts Funk through the table, and Sabu leaves through the crowd, to much applause. **1/2. ___________________ Mankind vs. the British Bulldog is our next match, in a non-title affair...   - Mankind makes his way to the ring wearing an Austin 3:16 shirt, and a sign around his neck that reads "PICK ME STEVE." Haha. You know, he wants to be Steve Austin's tag team partner. Mankind grabs a microphone next, and he says that he's dedicating this match to the absent Steve Austin, because Austin is the toughest SOB in the World Wrestling Federation.   - Yes, Mankind wrestles with the sign around his neck on. Austin's on the phone, and says he'll be back on Saturday. Not only that, but he gives Mankind some credit for wearing that shirt. After 4:10, Bulldog hits Mankind in the back with a chair. Then in the face, unprotected. Mankind gets up after a bit, and gives Bulldog the MANDIBLE CLAW, as Bulldog was focused on his posing. Ha. *1/2. ___________________   Now, we have the first triple threat match in the history of the WWE, AFAIK. It's Goldust w/Marlena vs. HHH w/Chyna vs. Owen Hart w/Brian Pillman.   - Before the match, there was some controversy surrounding Brian Pillman being allowed to come to ringside with Owen. Gorilla Monsoon said yes, and that's all that matters. We're in the Warzone, and the special guest referee for this match is the first Intercontinental Champion, Pat Patterson.   - Goldust has another false title victory, this one coming after a CURTAIN CALL at 3:15. Owen's foot was on the ropes, just like the British Bulldog's was on 6/9/97. This part was *1/4, and a bit funny, seeing as this is a new concept for the Fed. After the commercial and much banter, this match restarts.   - The 2nd version of the match is better, IMO. Chyna gives Goldust a hurricanrana, in our notable interference of the contest. Goldust inadvertently gives HHH an elbowdrop from the top, and that allows Owen to pin HHH for the three count at 3:45. ** for that portion, add them, round and add personal bias, we get *3/4. ___________________   Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart now make their way to the ring, and see, Bret and Anvil are the best tag team of all time, not LOD. Bret starts calling Thomas Hearns a thief, subsequently pissing him off. Bret tells Tommy to bring his ass into the ring, and Tommy does, knocking down the Anvil after entering. Officials separate Tommy and Bret, so that's over. The crowd loved it, Hearns being from Detroit and this being Detroit. ___________________   Before the next match, Savio Vega comes into the Nation's lockerroom while they're cutting a promo, so Faarooq whips him with a belt, like an angry parent would do to their child. That next match is Scott Taylor vs. Brian Christopher w/Jerry Lawler.   - Christopher cuts a promo about the Light Heavyweight Division, so yeah, that's coming soon. Lawler insinuates that Christopher is not his son, and after a short affair, the bout ends with a Christopher legdrop off the top for 3 at 2:54. *3/4. ___________________   Paul Bearer and Vader are in the back, and they say that the situation between them and the Undertaker has been straightened out. We'll see for ourselves, as Vader and the Undertaker w/Paul Bearer are taking on Faarooq and D'Lo Brown w/Kama Mustafa in the final matchup of the first round of the tag team tournament.   - Ahmed Johnson was injured during the brawl earlier, so he's not going to participate in this match. Thank fuck he didn't come back until SummerSlam, because I shudder to think what would've happened had he stuck around. Maybe no Rock? The Disciples of the Apocalypse come to ringside early, and they brawl with everyone but Vader, who just stands in the ring doing nothing. To a commercial...   - Back from the break, Bearer and Taker are having a war of words as Vader's going at it alone. Vader goes to tag in Taker, but Taker punches him, and Faarooq pins Vader at 5:03 (shown). Wow, he jobbed to a PUNCH. 3/4*. Taker and Vader fight, Taker gives Vader a TOMBSTONE, and chases Bearer out of the ring. Bearer grabs a microphone, and next week, he'll reveal the secret, which is basically what everyone in the crowd and the viewers watching at home have wanted Bearer to do for weeks. End show. ___________________ Show was in some ways bad, but at best, decent. Best segment had to be THOMAS FUCKIN' HEARNS getting in the ring and the worst was probably LOD vs. the Godwinns. I can't stand when those two teams face each other. ___________________   MONDAY NITRO is from MACON, GEORGIA!!!! ___________________   We flashback to last week, and to start the show, Mean Gene is with Diamond Dallas Page and Kimberly. His partner at Bash at the Beach is going to be a complete surprise, Page says, and not only that, but he's facing Scott Hall tonight. ___________________ Public Enemy vs. Damien and La Parka is our first match...   - The Public Enemy thing is so lame. I hate it, at the moment. There isn't a whole lot to say besides the result, other than the usual table demolition Public Enemy does.   - La Parka hits Johnny Grunge with a chair, and gets the pinfall at 2:55. Yawn. *. ___________________   Eddy Guerrero is in the aisleway for an interview with Mean Gene, and he says that when he didn't wrestle last week, it was because he wasn't cleared to wrestle. He wants Chavo Guerrero to come out, but Chavo says that he didn't exactly offer to wrestle Dean Malenko, Eddy told him to. Eddy has a shot at Syxx's Cruiserweight Title later on, and he says that he'll give that title shot to Chavo to show that he's sorry for ordering him around. Of course, Chavo takes the opportunity. ___________________ Alex Wright vs. Chris Jericho is some return match from that Nitro in Boston that WWE 24/7 skipped...   - You see, Alex Wright's new attitude is because he hates America. That explains everything.   - This is fairly good, although the crowd doesn't give a shit. They only make noise when Wright dances. After Jericho makes him tap to the LIONTAMER at 4:41, Wright isn't dancing. **. ___________________   We flash to the Great American Bash, when Vincent interfered in Harlem Heat's business. Obviously, that means we're going to see Harlem Heat w/Sister Sherri take on the Steiner Brothers.   - This match is for the #1 contenders spot, in case you didn't notice. Scott has this goatee going, and it looks ugly. There's some hype for the house show at the Great Western Forum, which is being called The Show that Eric Bischoff Doesn't Want You to See. I suppose that's a good name.   - Good match, by Nitro standards. Rick Steiner bulldogs Booker T from the top, and pins him at 8:12 to win the #1 contendership. I think that's what you'd call it. **3/4.   Gene Okerlund is now with Scott Norton and Buff Bagwell, who call themselves "Vicious and Delicious." What a terrible name. They also want a title shot, and they leave, as the Steiners make their way up the ramp. The Steiners want Hall and Nash for the belts next week in Vegas, and that's all there is to it. ___________________ Hector Garza vs. Villano IV is the pissbreak match...   - Seriously. Tons of empty seats, and the match certainly isn't good enough to bring people back to those seats any quicker. Garza finishes the bout with a standing moonsault at 4:47. 1/2*. ___________________   Mean Gene invites Lex Luger and the Giant to the ring, obviously for interview time. Luger's wearing this Farmer John type shirt, I only mentioned it because it made me laugh. At Bash at the Beach, Luger's going to get revenge on Hogan for last week in Chicago. The Giant's going to put a hook in the Worm, AHHHHH! ___________________   Hour #2 begins, and the match to start that off is Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Syxx w/Scott Hall for the WCW Cruiserweight Championship.   - Scott Hall's expressions are hilarious. He's outside the ring, going through all of them, and I'm laughing at it. Eddy Guerrero's standing in the entranceway, because he's watching Chavo's back. Chavo gets in quite a bit of offense, but Scott Hall comes into the ring with the referee distracted and gives Chavo the OUTSIDER'S EDGE. Eddy does nothing, so really, he was just watching Chavo, not his back. The BUZZKILLER gets the submission and Syxx retains his belt at 6:01. **1/4 for another solid affair. ___________________   Konnan is taking on Mongo McMichael w/Debra, now.   - Jeff Jarrett is on "Horsemen Probation." Now I've heard everything. Hugh Morrus comes to the ring with a kendo stick, but he isn't allowed into the ring. BUT, that distracts Konnan, and Mongo gives him a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER, giving Mongo the pinfall victory at 3:14. 1/2*. ___________________   We're ON THE ROAD in Vegas, yadayada. Those fake slot reel sounds in the background are all too typical.   Roddy Piper comes down the aisle to talk to Gene Okerlund, and Piper says that he's still not happy about Slamboree. Apparently, that pissed Ric Flair off, so here he is. Flair says that what happened at Slamboree was in their best interests, and that Piper shouldn't be questioning him. That brings Mongo and CHRIS BENOIT to the ring. Uh-oh. Both having something to say (although Benoit's spiel is edited out), and then, Piper attacks Mongo and Benoit. Now they all fight, including Ric Flair trying to beat up Piper. He can't, but the briefcase to the back fixes all that, and Benoit gives Piper the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE. Officials come to ringside to break things up, and we go to a commercial. ___________________ We're back, and it's Glacier & Ernest Miller taking on High Voltage.   - The arena lights always stay dimmed during Glacier's matches...I have no idea why I just now noticed that, or noticed it at all. Mortis and Wrath are nearby, of course.   - Miller gives Rage a flying kick off the top for the win at 2:15. Mortis and Wrath now come to ringside, but they don't attack. *.   Now we have a Hollywood Hogan and Dennis Rodman video package, for some unexplained reason. ___________________   Finally, the main event is here. Diamond Dallas Page w/Kimberly is taking on Scott Hall w/Randy Savage and Elizabeth.   - Needless to say, this one is not going to end clean. Kimberly left early, because she didn't want to be around Savage. Makes sense. What doesn't make sense is that this feud will continue in some fashion until OCTOBER.   - Savage comes in at 5:28, getting Hall DQ'd. No surprise. *1/2. Hall gives DDP a back suplex from the top and when Savage goes up for the FLYING ELBOW...   IT'S STING!   He's in the crowd, oh no! Savage drops the elbow on Page anyway, bringing Sting down to the ring. Savage and Hall plot on the outside about how they'll take this on, and they run into the ring, only to be clobbered by Sting's bat, ending the show. ___________________   Show was good. Best segment was the end of the show, and the worst was Glacier and Miller's tag match. Nitro was better this time. ___________________   Next up is a tripleheader of epic proportions. Just house shows.
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Review: WWF Survivor Series 1990, from Hartford, CT, 11/22/1990.

My brother didn't come home, but fuck it, I'm watching this anyway. ___________________   The intro to the show is great, as were most of the intros that Vince did the voiceovers on. His announcments of each participant and the team name are great.   Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper are on commentary, and Piper goes into a rant about how the Iraqis are going to pay. Remember, at the end, there's a match of Ultimate Survival. Of course, it involves all the Survivors. ___________________   The first match on this show is The Warriors (WWF Champ, the Ultimate Warrior, Intercontinental Champ Kerry Von Erich, and the Legion of Doom, Animal, and Hawk) vs. The Perfect Team (Mr. Perfect, Demolition Ax, Demolition Smash, and Demolition Crush), who are accompanied by Bobby Heenan and Mr. Fuji. Warrior's wearing a white title belt, which matches his attire later. He didn't wear different color belts because the WWF was afraid "he'd lose them." He wore them to match his attire. The babyfaces cut a promo before the match, and what is it with Warrior and sacrifices? You'd think the guy was a cannibal or something. His expressions during the promo are awful. Awfully funny, harharhar. The first man listed in each runthrough of the participants on each team is the "team captain."   Blow-by-blow: The heels all enter to Mr. Perfect's music, while the faces enter to their own individual music. Where's the equality? Animal and Smash starts, and Animal rams Smash into Hawk. All the faces take their turn beating up Smash, and Smash takes control somehow. Smash prevents a backdrop by Animal, and suplexes him. Perfect comes in and chops Animal, then Smash comes in and gets powerslammed by Animal. Perfect gets beaten up by everyone now, and Tornado and Ax come in. Tornado applies THE CLAW, but Smash breaks the hold up. Warrior tags in and shoulderblocks Ax, then flying shoulderblocks Ax and big splashes him for the pin at 3:22.   The Warrior dumps everyone out of the ring as the heels go on the attack, but Crush comes back in quickly with a clothesline. Smash is in with a backbreaker, and then he tags Crush in, who gives Warrior a flying kneedrop off the top rope. It only gets a 2 count, and Crush misses a charge into the corner. Hawk comes in along with Perfect, and Perfect gets choked. Hawk whips Perfect into the corner but Perfect trips over his own feet and blows the spot, so they repeat on the other side, which leads to Hawk missing a charge and ramming his shoulder into the ringpost. Crush comes in and works Hawk over, with the notable part of his offense being a backbreaker. See, Crush always sucked. Hawk comes back with a shoulderblock and flying clothesline from the top rope, but Smash breaks up the cover. Now LOD and Demolition brawl, and both teams are disqualified at 7:36.   Tornado and Warrior are left against Perfect, and Perfect begs for Warrior to tag out. Warrior does, and Perfect gets discus punched by Tornado. Supposedly he has a powerful right hand, at least that's what I heard. I don't know why Vince gave this guy a chance, he's not special in the ring, he can't talk, and he's a walking pharmacy. But he looks good. Well, I just answered my own question, didn't I? Warrior rams the heads of Heenan and Perfect together outside the ring, then tosses Heenan into the crowd. No wonder Heenan doesn't like him. On the inside, Perfect gives Tornado a kneelift. Perfect thumbs Kerry in the eye, and rams him into the exposed turnbuckle, which leads to a Perfectplex that eliminates Tornado at 11:00.   Perfect then gives one to Warrior, but Warrior kicks out of it. A Perfect dropkick gets a 2 count, and a clothesline does the same. Piper's not very good on commentary, he mostly rambles, but he says that there's a "lot of heat" here. He tries to cover it up a few seconds later by saying that the temperature in the building has risen, but we all know now that he screwed up. He screws up and says things he shouldn't a LOT throughout the show. Warrior starts his comeback, we all know the drill. Clothesline, clothesline, clothesline with Perfect's 360 sell, a flying shouldertackle and a big splash that gets the pinfall at 14:20.   Survivor: The Ultimate Warrior.   Match Analysis: It goes without saying that these matches are quickly paced. They have to be, cause there's no excuse for restholds in an 8 man elimination tag. Still wasn't very good, though. *3/4. ___________________   The next match is the Million Dollar Team (Ted DiBiase, Greg Valentine, Honky Tonk Man and a Mystery Partner) accompanied by Jimmy Hart and Virgil vs. The Dream Team (Dusty Rhodes, Koko B. Ware, and the Tag Team champs, Bret Hart, and Jim Neidhart). Ted DiBiase introduces the mystery partner and it's.....THE UNDERTAKER. His music had no gong to open it up. Brother Love is his manager, and I don't really care for that. He should have went solo. He doesn't walk slow enough to the ring yet, either. Bret lost this brother Dean before this event, so Piper says that Bret wanted to dedicate the match to him. Heel promo is first, and then...   Blow-by-blow: Taker starts things off with Bret (heh), and Taker gives him a quick chokeslam as Bret is running. I don't think anyone really knew how to take that move yet. The Anvil comes in, but his shoulderblock doesn't do a thing to Taker. Taker slams him, and Koko comes in. Almost immediately, Koko gets TOMBSTONED at 1:43. Taker disposes of him like a child's diaper, meaning that he tosses him out of the ring.   Bret comes in along with DiBiase and after a DiBiase chop, Neidhart and Valentine tag in. Valentine gives the Anvil a high knee, then tags in Honky. Honky does nothing at all, and gets powerslammed by Neidhart for the pinfall at 4:22.   DiBiase comes in and is clotheslined by Neidhart, and finally, Dusty tags in. Elbows for DiBiase, and a dropkick(?). It didn't look too bad, surprisingly. He tags Neidhart in, and they both elbow DiBiase for a 2 count. A Neidhart suplex gets two, and then, Virgil trips him and Neidhart gets clotheslined by DiBiase at 5:55 for the pinfall.   Bret enters the ring with a few right hands, then Dusty comes in. Dusty does that 'juke and jive' punch thing, then Taker comes back in after a DiBiase clothesline. Taker gives Dusty a flying kick, and tags in Valentine. Bret tags in too, and as Taker's still in the ring after the tag, he chokes Bret. DiBiase comes in after a few Valentine kicks and is given an inverted atomic drop by Bret. DiBiase gives Bret a few elbows, and tags in Taker. Taker goes up to the top rope and gives Dusty a BIG double axehandle, leading to Dusty's elimination after the pin at 8:31.   It's 3 on 1 now, with Bret facing DiBiase, Valentine and Taker, as Brother Love's stomping A MUDHOLE, BAH GAWD in Dusty, on the outside. Dusty was dispatched in the same fashion as Koko, and I forgot to mention something. Dusty wasn't wearing polkadots, and he didn't look too pleased to even be involved with the event. Suck it up, bitch. Anyway, Dusty recovers from the beating and begins to put a whoop on Brother Love's ass, so Taker leaves the ring and brawls with Dusty to the back, being eliminated by countout, at 9:24. By brawl, I mean, he basically beat Dusty up.   Back inside, Valentine goes for the figure-four, but he gets rolled up and eliminated by Bret Hart at 10:00. That was quick.   The crowd's going batshit for Bret. Bret atomic drops DiBiase out of the ring, and planchas onto him. He punches DiBiase on the outside, and rams him into the ringpost. Back in the ring, he gives Ted some stiff European uppercuts. DiBiase rams Bret into the turnbuckle at about 100 mph, but it only gets 2. A Bret backslide gets 2, and on a whip, Bret trips over DiBiase. Bret plays possum, which makes me wrong about the WM 8 match being the first time.   I WAS WRONG.   There. I can admit it. He rolls DiBiase up for 2, and the entire crowd thought the match was over. They were into this sequence. Ted gets kneed on accident by Virgil, and Bret rolls him up again, but only gets 2. The fans bought it, again. Bret with a backbreaker and elbow from the 2nd rope for 2, but unfortunately, DiBiase reverses a crossbody for the 3 count at 13:59.   Survivor: The Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase.   Match Analysis: IMO, this probably was when the WWF realized they had something in Bret as a potential singles wrestler. Well, not when they realized, but when they saw that the fans were behind such an idea as well. Match is **1/4, but the Bret/DiBiase portion was awesome, as was the debut of Taker. ___________________   There's a promo for "The Main Event," which took place on the night after Survivor Series, although it was taped about a month before. The hyped match was the Ultimate Warrior vs. Ted DiBiase. ___________________   The third match on this Thanksgiving Night was The Vipers (Jake "the Snake" Roberts, Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka, Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty) vs. The Visionaries (Rick "the Model" Martel, The Warlord, Hercules, and Paul Roma), who were accompanied by Arrogance and Slick. Jake's got the "I'm blind in one eye" thing goin', and the Rockers just kick ass. Snuka's on more juice than anyone else on this show, or so it would seem. The guy is huge. The babyfaces cut a promo in the shower area, cause remember, that's Jake's thing, to keep the snake cool. When Power and Glory walk to the ring, presumably because of the strange nature of the entranceway, they look like badasses. Watch it, and you'll see. I thought they were cool when I rented tapes as a kid. I'm ashamed of that one.   Blow-by-blow: Piper calls Warlord a "walrus." Guess he doesn't like him. Warlord and Marty start, and Marty uses his speed to outsmart the Warlord. Marty tries three dropkicks, but they don't do anything to the big man. Marty sunset flips Warlord but can't bring him over, so Shawn runs in and dropkicks Warlord, but unfortunately, the move only gets a two count. Shawn tags in and gets a hiptoss after a cool looking reversal, and he follows with a dropkick and monkey flip. Martel tags in, and so does Jake, but Martel bails out in a HURRY. Roma comes in, and Jake grabs onto an armbar. Snuka tags in, and Roma punches him. But islanders have hard heads, so it doesn't affect the SUPERFLY. As deteriorated as he was here, I love him. Hercules comes in and shoulderblocks Snuka, but Snuka comes back with that chop that his opponent runs into, and the crowd loves it. Warlord tags in and slams Snuka, but Snuka comes back with a dropkick. Marty comes in, and gets bearhugged. You guys have no idea how hard it is to keep track of who's who in these matches, considering that guys have so many matching initials. Fact is, if I focused on typing, and typing alone while I was doing this, it'd only take me about 2 hours. Instead, it takes much longer. Like tonight, I was watching the Kings and Lakers game while typing this. Anyway, Marty mongolian chops the Warlord, but goes up for a crossbody and gets powerslammed by the Warlord for the 3 count at 5:18.   Shawn gives Warlord a frankensteiner (I feel like calling it that for now), and Jake tags in. A Jake clothesline does nothing, and a high knee does nothing. A second clothesline puts the Warlord down, and Shawn tags in and covers him for a 2 count. Warlord gets a huge backdrop on Shawn, and he tags in Hercules. Shawn does a 360 sell off a Herc clothesline, and Martel tags in. Martel gets a kneedrop and backbreaker which each get a two count, and Roma comes in. Roma whips Shawn into the buckle and Shawn goes upside down, and after that, Roma misses a charge into the corner. Snuka comes back in, and gets a flying forearm for a 2 count. Too bad for him though, he tries a crossbody and it gets reversed at 9:43 by Martel, as Martel was holding Snuka's tights. Sneaky little fellow.   Jake comes in and Martel runs away again, so Hercules comes in. Jake gets a kneelift, but he can't get the DDT. I don't know what it is, but Jake is off tonight. Well, I do know what it is, and so does everyone else. He was on a lot of shit. The Visionaries huddle up, and Martel clotheslines Jake from the ring apron, while Jake was unawares. Piper calls Martel a "cheap ass," and then immediately apologizes. Piper on live TV. Gotta love it. Roma slams Jake, but misses a fistdrop from the top rope. Shawn comes in with a back elbow and suplex, and an elbowdrop from the 2nd rope gets 2. It's decidedly uglier than the one he used later in his career. Shawn then gets an atomic drop and dropkick, until Hercules attacks him. Herc gets a press slam, and it's POWERPLEX TIME. Power and Glory hit that, and Shawn's gone at 15:18. In case you don't know, it's a Hercules superplex, and a Roma big splash. FWIW.   It's 4 on 1 now with Jake being the only good guy left, and he fights with Warlord. Well, Warlord gets a bearhug and after a while, Jake gets a DDT OUT OF NOWHERE on Warlord. The referee wasn't paying attention, so no count. Martel tries to spray Roberts with Arrogance, but he misses and Jake grabs Damien, his snake. He chases Martel to the back at 18:05, and Jake is counted out. HOWEVER, Rick Martel isn't counted out, because he wasn't the legal man. Therefore...   Survivors: Rick Martel, The Warlord, Hercules, and Paul Roma. That's the first time an entire team has survived, kids.   Match Analysis: Ran too long. Shawn can do no wrong though, he was excellent. The Warlord was in this match for WAY too long. *1/2. ___________________   A promo for Royal Rumble 1991 pops onto the screen, as we lead into...The Natural Disasters (Earthquake, Haku, Barbarian and Dino Bravo) accompanied by Jimmy Hart and Bobby Heenan vs. The Hulkamaniacs (Hulk Hogan, Big Bossman, Jim Duggan, and Tugboat). Tugboat's music is terrible. The babyfaces cut a promo first, and Tugboat's been spending too much time around Hulk. Mainly because he says "brother" after every sentence.   Blow-by-blow: It looks like Hogan got a haircut the day of the match...anyhow, a Hogan chant picks up almost immediately. Duggan and Haku start, and after Haku misses a springboard crossbody, Duggan clotheslines him a whole bunch and yells, HOOOOOOOOOOO. Duggan gets an UGLY backelbow and clothesline, and Bravo tags in. Bravo gets an inverted atomic drop, and Haku and Bossman enter. Bossman quickly gets the Bossman Slam, and that eliminates Haku at 3:15.   Heenan gets rammed into the turnbuckle by Bossman, but Barbarian regains control. He gets a suplex and slam, but he misses an elbowdrop from the 2nd rope. Duggan comes in and gets a backdrop, then Earthquake comes in. Earthquake rams Duggan into the buckle, and Duggan can't slam him. Duggan does 2 shoulderblocks, but on the third attempt, Jimmy Hart pulls down the top rope so Duggan flies out of the ring. Duggan chases Hart with the 2x4, and hits Earthquake with it at 6:04, so he's disqualified. Duggan is poof, gone.   Hogan's in and body slams for all, the 10 punch in the corner starts, but Earthquake powerslams him out. Bravo tags in and gets an elbow drop, but surprisingly, he gets rolled up in a small package at 7:59. He's gone.   I just noticed that the "mystery egg" hasn't been discussed at all. Thankfully. Piper says that "Hogan should get the hell out of the ring." Bossman attempts a crossbody, but doesn't bring Earthquake to the canvas. Hogan pushes Bossman on top of Quake, but the cover only gets 2. Earthquake gets 2 elbowdrops on Bossman, and that's enough to get the pinfall at 9:08.   Hogan gives Quake a big boot, and I've noticed that Tugboat hasn't even been in the ring. Hogan can't slam Quake, and Quake falls on him for a 2 count. Ok, by this point, it's safe to say that they need to take the match home. Quake misses a big splash and finally, Tugboat comes in. Tugboat and Earthquake take their brawl to the outside, and they both get counted out at 11:32.   Hogan and Barbarian are left, and Barbarian lands the ugliest piledriver ever. Gorilla and Piper both acknowledge that Hogan's head was never close to the canvas and landed on Barbarian's legs instead. Hogan should never have sold that. Barbarian gets a big boot, and a top rope clothesline for 2. NOW COMES THE HULK-UP. Three punches, big boot, DROP THE FUCKING LEG, and that's the end of the match at 14:49. Hogan grabs a fan's banner to celebrate, and he wipes his sweat on it before giving it back. What a guy. He poses for 3 minutes, and this part ends, and part two now begins.   Survivor: Hulk Hogan   Match Analysis: Junk. Shit. Crap. 1/2*. This match was everything I hate about wrestling. ___________________   The MACHO KING RANDY SAVAGE has an interview with Gene Okerlund in which he basically foreshadows his retirement. He says if he wins the title, he'll retire. Forever. He calls the Ultimate Warrior the Ultimate Chicken/turkey/loser. Savage is dressed like the guy from Mary Poppins, so it's hard to take him seriously. ___________________   The next match is The Alliance (Nikolai Volkoff, Tito Santana, Butch, and Luke) vs. The Mercenaries (Sgt. Slaughter, Boris Zhukov, Sato, and Tanaka), accompanied by Mr. Fuji and General Adnan. Slaughter cuts a promo before the match, says Okerlund needs to stand at attention, and wonders what American soldiers had in their K-Ration on Thanksgiving. Piper gets all worked up about it, and I laughed. All the Mercenaries are wearing camo face paint.   Blow-by-blow: Zhukov and Butch start, the Bushwhackers give Zhukov a double clothesline, and Tito tags in and gives Zhukov the flying forearm, and gets the pinfall at 0:48. Lol.   Tito kicks Sato, and Butch tags in. The Bushwhackers almost immediately give Sato the battering ram, eliminating Sato at 1:47.   Tanaka misses a big splash, and gets eliminated by the flying forearm of Santana at 2:10.   Volkoff comes in and gets elbowdropped by Slaughter four times, cause remember, Slaughter's the only Mercenary left. He rams Volkoff into the turnbuckle while Adnan screams at him in whatever language he uses, and Slaughter gets a dropkick. Oddly enough, while 3 elbowdrops can't finish Volkoff, only one does a bit later, and Volkoff's gone at 5:24.   Butch comes in and both the Bushwhackers slam Slaughter, after Luke tags in. A double clothesline gets two, and then Luke goes up, but eats knees on a splash attempt. Slaughter gives Luke a chestbreaker, and Luke's gone at 6:30.   Butch comes in and gets clotheslined by Slaughter at 6:54. Quick eliminations here...   Tito and Slaughter are left, and Tito gives Slaughter a dropkick. He can't monkey flip Slaughter though, so Slaughter gets a neckbreaker for 2. A Slaughter backbreaker gets 2, and Sarge follows it up with a suplex. Slaughter rams Tito into the ref, and Adnan comes in with the Iraqi flag. He rams it into the stomach of Santana after Tito's flying forearm on Slaughter, and then, Slaughter applies the camel clutch. The referee wakes up, though, and disqualifies Slaughter at 10:47 for use of the flag. The referee was down, but he was watching the action, see.   Survivor: Tito Santana   Match Analysis: 1/4*. At least it ended quickly. ___________________   Sean Mooney is with the Visionaries and Ted DiBiase for their promo before the Ultimate Survival match, but first, we have to reveal what's inside the mystery egg. For some reason, DiBiase had blood in his mouth. ___________________   Anyway, yeah, inside the mystery egg, it's the Gobbledygooker. The Gooker's one of the dumbest things ever to happen in wrestling, and the only thing that is definitely worse, IMO, was the WCW "shoot" angles in 2000. I wonder, though, was Gooker supposed to work matches? That would have been ridiculous. Whoever thought of this should have been shot. Or fired. The crowd shit all over it, though. ___________________ The last match tonight, is the match OF ULTIMATE SURVIVAL. On one team, it's Tito Santana, the Ultimate Warrior, and Hulk Hogan. On the other team, it's Ted DiBiase, Rick Martel, the Warlord, Hercules, and Paul Roma w/Virgil and Slick. Warrior changed his attire and facepaint, and there aren't any team captains in this match. Hogan entered before the other two babyfaces. I don't think he was too happy about it, or so it looked. Warrior got NO pop.   Blow-by-blow: Almost immediately, a Santana flying forearm pins the Warlord. 0:28 was the time.   DiBiase comes in and gets a suplex. Tito gets a clothesline and backdrop but misses the flying forearm, and DiBiase hotshots him along the top rope for the pinfall at 1:51.   DiBiase gets a big boot on Hogan, then tags in Hercules. Herc rams Hogan's head into the buckle, and DiBiase comes back in with a few fistdrops. Tag Hercules, and Power and Glory go for the POWERPLEX, but it only gets a 2 count. Hogan gives Roma a lariat, and he's gone at 5:37. Seriously, that was a stiff clothesline. He treated Roma like a jobber...oh wait. He is one. LAWL.   Warrior finally tags in, and kicks Martel. Warrior with a backdrop and he goes to punch both heels that were standing in the corner. The ADRENALINE'S MOVIN' NOW, and Warrior slams Martel twice. He rams Martel's face into the mat, and tags in Hogan. Hogan clotheslines Martel over the top and out, but Martel's leaving. NOW THEY'LL HAVE TO IMPROVISE A NEW FINISH. Sorry, since I mentioned WCW 2000, I couldn't help it. Time of Martel being counted out was 7:17, btw.   DiBiase and Hercules are the only ones left of the heels, and Hogan slams DiBiase into the mat. Big boot, DROP THE FUCKING LEG, pin at 8:37.   Hercules is the only one left, Warrior clotheslines him, clothesline, clothesline, flying shouldertackle, big splash and the pinfall at 9:07. Warrior and Hogan toss Slick out of the ring, and that's it.   The Ultimate Survivors: The Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan.   A promo for the Royal Rumble wraps things up. All done.   Match Analysis: DUD. I'm glad they didn't do the Ultimate Survival thing again. The crowd couldn't have cared less. ___________________   Rating: Poor. Good for nostalgia, but in reality, it wasn't any good. I hate how the WWF didn't even use the early versions of this show to further angles. Outside of the one exception, the double turn with Demolition and the Powers of Pain. There have been much better shows. If not for the nostalgia, it would have been awful.   Best Match: The Million Dollar Team vs. The Dream Team. That's not saying a whole lot.   Worst Match: The match of ULTIMATE SURVIVAL.   Loudest Sound: Bret Hart during his comeback, and Demolition. Ax's last appearance in the WWF was a quick one.   No sound: Everyone in the Alliance vs. Mercenaries match (except for Slaughter), and Warrior later in the show.   I must say, I love the finishes at the Survivor Series. Guys getting pinned by elbowdrops? I know it's tough to book these matches, but they could do something better, couldn't they? ___________________   I don't know what I'm reviewing next, but it'll be up on Monday. Probably Prime Time Wrestling, cause I don't want it to disappear before I can write about it.
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Review: Monday Night RAW and WCW Monday Nitro from 6/2/97.

Nitro is from Dayton, Ohio. Had to get that out of the way. ___________________   The NWO comes to the ring, in this case, that means Syxx and Scott Hall. For a promo, you know. Well, JJ Dillon comes out, and says that Scott Hall MUST face Ric Flair tonight. If Hall doesn't face Flair, he and Nash have to vacate their tag titles, so really, Hall has no choice. He accepts. ___________________   Intro to Nitro and all that, which brings us to Alex Wright vs. Glacier.   - It's Glacier's first match since Slamboree, unfortunately, there's a whole lot of spot miscommunication. In a match that only lasts 1:38, that knocks it down to a DUD. Glacier finished it with the CRYONIC KICK, so now, James Vandenberg comes to the ring, to distract Glacier from the sneak attack of Mortis and Wrath. They attack, but Glacier fended them all off, after Mortis accidentally kicked an eager Wright. Wright wanted to join in, see. ___________________   Our next match, featuring someone who hasn't wrestled on this program since I got 24/7, is Buff Bagwell w/Scott Norton vs. Joe Gomez.   - In a split-screen prior to the match, Buff and Norton talk about NWO in Japan and all that. Buff Blockbuster (awesome move) finishes at 3:07. *1/4.   WCW Saturday Night ad follows, and Mike Tenay is in the crowd, giving us information about Ernest Miller. If only this never happened... ___________________   Hugh Morrus is scheduled to face Prince Iaukea, but before the match, Konnan attacks Morrus at the entranceway. Morrus is dazed, but the match will go on.   - Wow, they blew the finish. Iaukea was supposed to slide under Morrus and roll him up, but Iaukea ran right into Morrus' leg. They do it again, and Iaukea rolls him up for the win at :47. You know what, you get -* for fucking up the only thing that was supposed to happen in the match. ONLY THING. That finish exposed the business so bad that my MENTALLY HANDICAPPED cousin asked me if wrestling was fake. Naturally, I told him no, otherwise, he'd try to do wrestling moves on his brother. Don't want any part of that. ___________________   JJ Dillon is with Mean Gene, because he's looking for a future #1 contending tag team. See, he says that the Steiners will be #1 contenders, if they win tonight. If. They'll face the winner of Piper/Flair vs. the Outsiders, I believe. Harlem Heat come out, and they're pissed.   DDP video, from when he was a jobber, to now. Great American Bash hype and all that, he's facing Randy Savage again. ___________________   The next match is the Steiner Brothers vs. Masahiro Chono and the Great Muta.   - This is a dream match, although it won't work out the way it should. Not that much happened at the beginning, but the crowd was in the palm of their hands. After the heat segment, Chono accidentally gives Muta a YAKUZA KICK! Harlem Heat come to the ring and attack Rick Steiner with a chair, and that allows Muta to pin Rick for the 3 count at 8:53. This was one of those matches you kinda need to see, just because. **3/4. JJ Dillon comes to the ring, and announces that this match is up for review. Harlem Heat have a match later, as well.   Hour #2 starts, and Mean Gene is with Ric Flair. Flair cuts an insane promo on Hall, and storms off. This was nuts, even for Flair. ___________________   Michael Wallstreet is up against Dean Malenko for the US Title...   - Nick Patrick is a referee, so we're going to have some friction between he and Wallstreet. I absolutely cannot stand this angle. There's some good action in here, but I'm kinda bothered with how I know this match is going to end. Anyway, Jeff Jarrett tried some interference, but it didn't help. Malenko applies the TEXAS CLOVERLEAF, and Patrick stands in front of Wallstreet so that he cannot reach the bottom rope in order to break the hold. Wallstreet submits at 6:22, **.   After the match, Mean Gene is with Jarrett and Debra. Jarrett is going to face Malenko next week in Boston, and for some reason, Mongo comes out and says that he wants to know when Jarrett comes to the ring. Then he cuts a bad promo on Kevin Greene that I don't care about. ___________________   We get to the Harlem Heat match, as they're facing Ciclope and Damien.   - Ciclope has the best getup of any luchador. For real. Barbarian's supposed to face Chris Benoit later, but it wasn't shown.   - The Steiners come to ringside and hit Booker T with a chair, before tossing him back into the ring, where Damien comes off the top with a big splash for 3 at 3:31. *. Now that's an upset. ___________________   Like I said, Benoit/Barbarian was skipped, so now, it's time for the main event, that being Ric Flair vs. Scott Hall w/Syxx.   - There's a whole lot of Syxx interference, but I don't have a problem with it. Flair did this little thing where he Flair Flipped onto the apron and jumped onto Syxx, who was on the floor. That was cool. This was a nice little TV main event, until Hall hit Flair with his title belt at 7:49, getting himself disqualified. **3/4. Hall and Syxx continually attack Syxx, until Jarrett and Mongo save him from the attack. Good match. ___________________   Some NWO members are coming to the ring, this time, it's Randy Savage and Elizabeth. Savage takes Mean Gene hostage, and tells him to come along with him to the ring. Macho says that he's the best ever, which causes JJ Dillon to make ANOTHER appearance. Dillon tells Savage not to put his hands on announcers, so Savage attacks him. Bischoff comes to the ring to make Savage stop, and Bischoff tells Dillon that he deserves it, seeing as he kept running his mouth. That's the end of the show. ___________________   Stupid ending to a good show. Two DUD's, but two pretty good matches as well. Best segment was Hall/Flair, and the worst was Morrus/Iaukea. Nitro is less of a program because Syxx is holding the Cruiserweight Title and not defending it. That's just my opinion. ___________________   RAW is from Huntington, West Virginia this week. Expect huge reactions for Steve Austin. ___________________   To begin the show, the Undertaker makes his way to the ring, for an interview with Vince McMahon. Taker says that he pretty much had to join Paul Bearer. He then runs down Paul Bearer, to the point where Bearer makes his way to the ring. Bearer says that he will RULE THE WORLD, so you just know that Psycho Sid will have something to say about that. Sid trashes Bearer for joining up with Bearer, and wants his rematch, that he never received after WrestleMania. Taker accepts, and Faarooq has something to say about that. This time next week, he says he'll be the Champion. Sure. ___________________   Ahmed Johnson faces Faarooq now...   - Before the match, there's a hype video, seeing as this is a long-running feud, and all. The Nation was sent away from the ring, but they came back anyway.   - At the end, Taker whips Faarooq into Ahmed, who rams his own head into the steel steps. Faarooq throws Ahmed in, and pins him for the 3 count at 3:09. *3/4. Surprisingly good. After the match, Taker chokeslammed Ahmed, cause he pushed him. He shouldn't have done that. ___________________   The Hart Foundation is in the ring with Vince, and HBK and Austin are on the TitanTron. Because Austin attacked Bret, Bret can't wrestle at King of the Ring. HBK's really pissed off at Austin, so he goes off to fight him. They argue instead, as the Harts are planning something. They want Austin to face HBK at King of the Ring, and on next week's show, Austin will face Brian Pillman. ___________________   The next match was Bob Holly vs. Owen Hart w/the Hart Foundation for the Intercontinental Title.   - This was competitive, while it lasted. Honestly, they tore the house down for 3:17. The SHARPSHOOTER finished things up, so Owen retained his title. **1/4.   HBK says that he'll face Austin at King of the Ring...and later, we get to see more of the Mick Foley interview. YES! ___________________   In another singles match, we have Goldust w/Marlena taking on HHH w/Chyna.   - They're really digging into the old feud vault here. There were some highlights before the match, typically.   - Goldust's face paint is BIZARRE. HHH accidentally knees Chyna in the back, which gives Goldust the distraction he needs to roll HHH up for 3 at 3:48. *1/4. Hopefully that feud's done. ___________________   Before this match, the Legion of Doom cut a promo. Typical LOD promo, Hawk blabbering and all that.   So yeah, it's the Legion of Doom vs. HBK and Steve Austin for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   - The Warzone has begun, and judging by the initial reaction, HBK is the heel. Like I said, these people love their STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD. There's a commercial break...   - Back from the break, Austin and HBK duck out to confront the Hart Foundation at ringside, but they wind up fighting each other instead. That gets them counted out at 7:05 (shown). HBK gets the better of the brawl, but as for the match itself, the champions pulled out all their little tricks in order to have a good match. And it worked...**1/2. ___________________   Jerry Lawler is on commentary for this Mankind vs. Savio Vega in the first round of King of the Ring match, but first, we get to see part 3 of the Mankind interview. He talks about the deathmatch tournament in Japan, mostly.   - Mankind's sorta in-between. The adult males are cheering him, but otherwise, no. When he attacked Jerry Lawler, he won some of them over. Crush accidentally punched Savio Vega, so Mankind was able to pin Vega for the win at 3:02. Crush and Vega argue after the match, in somewhat of a precursor to GANG WARS. *1/2. ___________________   So, the King of the Ring card is shaping up like this. Undertaker vs. Faarooq for the WWF Title, Mankind vs. Jerry Lawler and Ahmed Johnson vs. HHH in King of the Ring action, LOD and Sid vs. Owen Hart, the British Bulldog and Jim Neidhart, and Austin vs. HBK. I think that's it, as for what was advertised. ___________________   Psycho Sid vs. Undertaker w/Paul Bearer in a non-title match is both the main event and our "WrestleMania rematch..."   - I don't get the non-title part. I never do. JR makes a reference to Sid and softball, which had me laughing for a bit. This was better than the WrestleMania match, which isn't to say a whole lot at all. The TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER finishes at 4:46, 1/2*. So yeah, they basically buried Sid for no-showing a few months back. He got only a little offense. The Nation of Domination attacks, but Sid tries to fend them off. He can't, and the Nation beats both Sid and Taker to end the show. ___________________   I suppose RAW was good. That said, for once, I think Nitro was better. More matches of length, but not only that, there wasn't any of that stupid Paul Bearer stuff that's beginning to get on my nerves. The best segment on RAW was LOD vs. Austin/HBK, and the worst was LOD's promo. I've never been able to understand what they're trying to say. ___________________   Things are going to change. I'm done reviewing current shows, because I don't have the time. I'll stick to PPV's, old RAW's and Nitro's, SNME's, Clash shows, and anything else like that, such as Coliseum Video's or overseas programs like European Rampage '91. So yeah, random thoughts are dead, although I'm keeping the review style for the MNW program. Doing it this way gives me more time to write things, which is better for me. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop writing about these programs. I could always put in a paragraph if something catches my eye. I'll have a Royal Rumble '02 review up soon.
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Review: WWF WrestleMania IX, from Las Vegas, Nevada; 4/4/1993.

I tinkered with the idea of putting "from Ancient Rome" in the title, but I decided not to. You know, because of this show's motif. ___________________   Gorilla Monsoon introduces the show, but he's not our announcer. JIM ROSS is, and making his WWF debut to boot! ___________________   Finkus Maximus introduces Julius Caesar and Cleopatra, then our announce team. Randy Savage is accompanied by a few vestal virgins (ha), and Bobby Heenan rides a camel to the ring, backwards, of course. When he gets off, Savage pulls up Heenan's toga to reveal a pair of BVD's. Funny. ___________________   The first match on this card is Tatanka w/Sensational Sherri vs. Shawn Michaels w/Luna Vachon for the Intercontinental Championship.   Blow-by-blow: To start, both men do a little indy applause stance segment, to no applause. Shawn's hammerlock is reversed, so Shawn reverses Tatanka's hold into a top wristlock. Tatanka powers out, but Shawn takes him to the canvas with a headlock for a 2 count. Shawn tries another takedown, but Tatanka gives him a back suplex. Tatanka misses a charge to the corner, but he gives Shawn an armdrag as Shawn leaps off the top rope. He sends Shawn into the corner where Shawn goes upside down and onto the apron, then he chops Shawn down to the floor. Shawn rams Tatanka into the buckle when on the apron, and comes off the top with a sunset flip for a 2 count. Tatanka gives Shawn an inverted atomic drop, and then a DDT, before going to an armbar. A long one, at that. Tatanka then gives Shawn a shoulderbreaker, and a tomahawk chop from up top. Tatanka goes up for a third, but Shawn superkicks him on the way down. Shawn tosses Tatanka over the top and to the floor, then taunts Sherri from the ring apron. Uh...a neckbreaker from Shawn follows for a 2 count, and so does a dropkick which also gets 2. Shawn goes to the chinlock, and when Tatanka powers out, he gives Tatanka a botched victory roll for a 2 count. Don't think they were supposed to do that, as evidenced by going right back to that spot and Tatanka dropping Michaels to the canvas from his shoulders for a 2 count. Shawn gives Tatanka an axhandle from the second rope, but now, Tatanka is using POWERS OF THE SPIRITS ABOVE, so nothing's hurting him. Tatanka chops away at Shawn, and gives him a crossbody for 2. He slingshots Shawn into the ringpost, and a roll-up gets 2. he goes for the END OF THE TRAIL, but Shawn counters with a roll-up for a 2 count. Shawn goes to the top soon after, but Tatanka catches him in mid-leap and powerslams him for a 2 count. Shawn dumps Tatanka, and from the apron, he misses a crossbody, hitting the steel steps. Shawn pulls the referee out of the ring for some reason, and when Tatanka gives Shawn the END OF THE TRAIL, the bell rings. Why, whatever could be going on here? Finkus Maximus says that Tatanka wins by COUNTOUT, but he does not win the Intercontinental Title. BOO. Time was 18:16. After the bout, Luna attacks Sherri. Jim Ross says that Sherri needs help, and in response Bobby Heenan says that she always has needed help, starting with her makeup. LAWL.   Match Analysis: A good opener for WrestleMania, but a lot was missing. Namely crisp spots. Too much stuff seemed sloppy, but outside of that and the terrible finish, it was an ok match. There will be better matches, just not necessarily on this show. **1/2. ___________________   Mean Gene Okerlund is with the Steiner Brothers, giving them an interview before their match vs. The Headshrinkers w/Afa. So yeah, that.   Blow-by-blow: Bill Alfonso is the referee...thought that was of note. Fatu and Scott start the match, and Scott takes Fatu down with an armdrag. A Scott hiptoss follows, and so does a STEINERLINE. The ring fills up as both teams try to take control, and the Headshrinkers win that battle, by tossing the Steiners out of the ring. Both Steiners go to the top rope, and they clothesline the Headshrinkers on their way in. Rick and Samu have entered the match, and they both clothesline each other. Scott tags in and gives Samu a double underhook powerbomb, before giving Fatu a nice dropkick. Samu nearly kills Scott when dropping him out of the ring as most have seen before, and Afa only furthers the damage by hitting Scott with a kendo stick. Fatu gives Scott a backbreaker back on the inside, and follows it up with a flying headbutt off the 2nd rope for a 2 count. The Headshrinkers give Scott a double headbutt, but Samu misses a charge to the corner. That doesn't allow Rick to tag in, though, but Fatu does and tosses Scott out of the ring. Fatu gives Scott a thrust kick after his face is rammed into the mat, you know, because Samoans have hard heads and they don't get hurt. Fatu goes to the NERVE HOLD, but both clothesline each other. After Samu tags in and misses a flying headbutt from the top rope, Rick Steiner makes the hot tag. Rick gives everyone STEINERLINES, and tries a noggin-knocker, but obviously that isn't going to work, and the Headshrinkers give him a double front-russian leg sweep. They try for a doomsday device type move, but Rick gives Samu a powerslam out of mid-air. Yo. Scott gives Fatu a belly-to-belly as the excess makes their way out of the ring, but Samu slams him. Scott gives Samu a FRANKENSTEINER as the ropes are being ran, and that finishes Samu for the victory at 14:23. Match Analysis: Much better than I remembered it being. After all, thinking about it, all matches between late 80's era NWA tag teams should be fun. **.   If you cannot stomach bad wrestling, quit watching the show right here. Seriously. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Doink for an interview, see, Doink drew on a statue of Julius Caesar, so Okerlund feigns outrage. We flash to when Doink attacked Crush with a prosthetic arm...laughable, ain't it? ___________________ So now, we have Doink vs. Crush. Reasons for this are stated above.   Blow-by-blow: Bobby Heenan is still pushing the "Doink is some wrestler that we've seen before" thing...when did that end? Doink squirts Crush with the flower on his coat, causing Crush to chase, and eventually slam Doink on the outside. Crush rams Doink into the ringpost, guardrail, and back into the ring, before giving Doink a neckbreaker. A backbreaker follows, but Doink uses the rope as help and gives Crush an axhandle off the top rope. Doink goes to the 2nd rope twice and gives Crush a few punches, before giving him a PILEDRIVER. Doink eats a boot on his way down from the top, and Crush gives Doink a powerslam from the 2nd rope. This is bad. And it has no heat. Crush clotheslines Doink over the top, which causes Doink to LOOK UNDER THE RING! Oh no. Crush prevents Doink from crawling under the ring, then sends him inside, for a gorilla press slam. He now applies the HEAD CRUSH, but Doink makes it to the ropes. When Crush turns around he hits the referee with his elbow, so now he's out cold. Doink tries to go UNDER THE RING, but Crush prevents him again, to give him the HEAD CRUSH. Back in with that, and a 2ND DOINK comes out from UNDER THE RING, to hit Crush with a prosthetic arm, giving Doink the oomph he needed to get the pinfall at 8:29. I didn't forget to mention that both Doinks did this little mirror-image routine that was super-retarded, of course, before the pinfall. Bill Alfonso comes to ringside to point out that there was a second Doink, and when looking under the ring, referee Joey Marella seemingly busted his noggin or something. He's acting like a malaria patient. Guess that constitutes an angle in those days.   Match Analysis: You know, I was ready to give it a DUD, until Joey Marella started acting like he had a headache. That was brutal. Just a simple -*. Wrestling was horrid (in the sense that Crush is terrible, and did not belong in the ring), but that can easily be forgiven if spots are not botched and with a simple ending to the match. Retardedness cannot be forgiven. ___________________   Todd Pettingill is in the crowd, asking about this Doink situation. Thankfully this is short, and ignorable. ___________________   Bob Backlund vs. Razor Ramon is our next contest, and Razor enters to a...favorable reaction. Heh.   Blow-by-blow: Razor tosses the toothpick at Backlund, to another favorable reaction. A big "Razor" chant begins, as Backlund trips Razor a few times. Razor slams Backlund twice in response, as Randy Savage talks about Lex Luger knocking out Bret Hart at the brunch earlier. They did that to set up a little run on the house shows, as you can see by checking thehistoryofwwe.com. Backlund gives Razor two hiptosses and a dropkick, before following that up with a double underhook suplex. Backlund gives Razor an atomic drop, causing Razor to bail out, cause Backlund's in SUPREME CONTROL. Backlund brings Razor in the hard way, but Razor rolls Backlund up for the victory at 3:44.   Match Analysis: Well, I suppose they weren't trying to make Razor look good. He looked anything but. 1/2*. I didn't really understand that match. ___________________   Money Inc. are with Mean Gene for an interview, and see, Gene thinks that the Mega Maniacs are going to have their numbers. On RAW, Brutus Beefcake was attacked with Money Inc's briefcase, so now, he has to wear a mask. Jimmy Hart tried to help even though he was Money Inc's manager, but he unable to do anything. IRS says that they're facing the "Mega Morons" and that Hogan was attacked at a gym last night, so his face is all screwed up. We'll see about that. ___________________   WHOA, LOOK AT HOGAN'S FACE.   Quite obviously, the Mega Maniacs w/Jimmy Hart are facing Money Inc. for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   Blow-by-blow: The champions instantly attack the Maniacs, but much like all other Hogan matches, he and Beefcake manage to clear the ring. Beefcake looks like a big douche with all this red and yellow and the mask he's wearing too, so to start the match, it'll be him and IRS. DiBiase quickly comes in to work on Beefcake, the height of that being a back elbow. IRS comes in for the double team and stays in, with a few punches for Beefcake before tagging back out. DiBiase tries to punch Beefcake in the face, but Beefcake's mask is keeping the punch from doing damage. Beefcake gets rammed into the buckle which also does nothing, so Beefcake returns the favor and tags in the HULKSTER. He gives Ted a 10 punch in the corner and a clothesline, before Beefcake comes in and they give DiBiase a double big boot. Hogan gives DiBiase an axhandle from rope #2, and clotheslines him over the top, bringing IRS in. Money Inc. want to leave when IRS gets tossed over the top rope, but the referee does the whole, "you better come back by the count of 10 or you'll lose your titles" thing, so of course, they come back. DiBIase and Hogan are in the ring, so DiBiase chokes Hogan a whole lot. The last three minutes have been non-sense, and once the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM gets slapped on, we can make that five minutes of nearly nothing at all. Hogan doesn't power out or anything, but the referee gets taken out of the picture or something and Beefcake gives DiBiase a sleeper, getting him to break the hold. Beefcake tags in now with the referee alive and well, and he gives IRS a high knee. DiBiase gets atomic dropped out, but after Beefcake punches IRS, DiBiase comes in and hits Beefcake in the back with the briefcase. Mongo blatantly stole that gimmick, in case you were thinking about it. DiBiase rips Beefcake's mask off, so he can go to work. The referee gets bumped when Beefcake puts the sleeper on IRS, so Hogan's able to make his way in, un-impeded. Hogan hits both champions with Beefcake's mask and both pin the champions at 18:14 w/Jimmy Hart counting the fall...but the bell is rung, and the match is over. The Mega Maniacs celebrate like morons, but a new referee comes into the ring and raises Money Inc's hands. Haha. The champions try to hit the Maniacs after the match with their tag belts, but it doesn't do anything. Jimmy Hart tosses Danny Davis over the top, Hogan poses, and they give money from Money Inc's briefcase to the crowd. Whoop-de-doo. The crowd went nuts when Hogan had the money, that being the only positive thing to come out of this. Match Analysis: Like I said, this was the worst tag title match at WrestleMania. It was absolutely terrible. 18 minutes of fast-forward material for sure, and it's clear to see why. When Beefcake has to help carry a match, the match sucks. DUD. ___________________   For 24/7 viewers, now we're on Part 2. Todd Pettingill asks Natalie Cole a few questions, thankfully, that's just a fluff piece.   Now, Mr. Perfect has a promo, in which he gets his words confused with one another. Poor guy. ___________________   Mr. Perfect vs. LEX LUGER is next...   Blow-by-blow: One of my favorite characters, this version of Lex Luger. Too bad it didn't last. You'd figure that with some of the great matches Luger has had, this would be one of them, Hennig being a participant and all. Perfect gives Luger a kneelift and a dropkick, but Luger quickly responds with an elbow before Perfect takes him to the canvas. Perfect works on Luger's leg with a spinning toehold, but Luger makes it to the ropes. Perfect tries to kick away, but Luger sends Perfect to the corner and tosses him over the top. Luger gives Perfect a backbreaker on the inside for a 2 count, and when Perfect misses a charge to the corner, Luger covers him for 2 while putting his feet on the ropes. Luger gives Perfect a powerslam for 2, but Perfect responds with a sunset flip for 2. Perfect applies a sleeper, but Luger rams him right into the buckle. Perfect gives Luger an inside cradle for a 2 count, and a backdrop to boot. Perfect then gives Luger three clotheslines, which get a 2 count, and a swinging neckbreaker, which also gets 2. Perfect comes off the top with a missile dropkick for 2, but Luger pins Perfect with a backslide for a 3 count with Perfect's feet on the ropes at 10:56. That looked as weird as it sounded. Soon as the decision is announced, Luger gets up and hits Perfect with the LOADED FOREARM. Poor Perfect.   Match Analysis: Not good. Not good at all. Perfect did his best, but it just wasn't working for me, nor was it working for the live crowd. *. ___________________   After the match, Mr. Perfect heads to the back, obviously to fight Lex Luger. What he doesn't know is that Shawn Michaels is talking to Luger, and Michaels is not going to put up with Perfect's shit. Shawn beats down Perfect, until officials break it up. How embarassing.   Heenan and Savage nearly fight when talking about Luger's forearm, and then, Gorilla Monsoon hypes the rest of the show. And boy, do these matchups ever need the hype. ___________________   Giant Gonzales w/Harvey Wippleman vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer is our shitty match du-jour...   Blow-by-blow: Talk about a freakshow. Yeesh. Taker gets wheeled to the ring in a chariot of death or something, accompanied by a vulture. Both men have a staredown, and then they choke each other. Taker gives Gonzales OLD SCHOOL, but Gonzales comes back with a running clothesline. Gonzales selling is so funny...you just have to see it. Gonzales beels Taker before going to the chinlock, and then, he tosses Taker out of the ring. He rams Taker into the steel steps, and brings him back in, for a headbutt. Gonzales gets knocked down after a few Taker punches, and then Taker focuses his attention on Harvey Wippleman, who he chokes. Gonzales hits Paul Bearer, and smothers Taker with a chloroform soaked rag, for the DQ at 7:33. Gonzales gives Bill Alfonso a chokeslam, which causes the crowd to chant for Hulk Hogan. Thank God we never had an epic matchup between Hulk Hogan and Giant Gonzales. Taker gets taken to the back on a stretcher, he has risen from the dead, and he clotheslines Gonzales to the ground, causing Gonzales to leave.   Match Analysis: Not as bad as most would have you believe, but still. Horrendous angle, horrendous wrestling, selling, and everything else. My dad was laughing at Gonzales selling when he got home and watched part of the match, so yeah, it was that bad. -***. ___________________   Next we see a video of Hacksaw Jim Duggan getting destroyed by Yokozuna, and the contract signing of Bret vs. Yoko that's currently on 24/7. Hulk Hogan has an interview, and he talks about how the HULKAMANIACS ARE WITH BRET, BROTHER. He challenges either Bret or "the jap" to a match, and he guarantees that the title will be staying in the United States. Why, whatever does he mean?   Todd Pettingill's in the crowd, his teeth look rotten, and I couldn't even pay attention to what he said. ___________________   Bad matches have killed the crowd before the main event, which features Yokozuna taking on Bret Hart for the World Wrestling Federation Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Bret gives Yoko a dropkick right at the start, but his go-behind doesn't work, and Yoko gives him a shoulderblock. Bret catapults himself in from the outside and punches away, before going to the 2nd rope and giving Yoko a nice elbowdrop. Bret clotheslines Yoko twice although he can't put him down, but a Yoko clothesline in response ends Bret's little rally. Yoko slams Bert and gives him a big legdrop, before going to his favorite hold, the nerve hold. Bret takes Yokozuna to the canvas from the 2nd rope after a missed Yoko charge, but Yoko gives Bret a thrust kick and goes back to the nerve hold. Another Yoko missed charge comes, and Bret gives Yoko a bulldog from the 2nd rope, for a 2 count. A 2nd rope elbow from Bret follows for 2, and a clothesline from the 2nd does good work as well. Bret clotheslines Yoko to the canvas, and on a 10 punch, he rips the turnbuckle pad off. Bret rams Yoko into the exposed buckle and gives him the SHARPSHOOTER, but...Mr. Fuji throws powder or salt into Bret's face. That puts Bret down for the three count, at 8:56. Boo on that.   Hulk Hogan runs down to the ring, which gives Mr. Fuji the gall to issue a challenge. If Hogan wants to face his Yokozuna, they can do it, RIGHT NOW. Bret tells Hogan to accept, so Hogan jumps in the ring. Fuji misses a salt toss and blinds Yokozuna on accident, so our new champion is in trouble. Clothesline, DROP THE FUCKIN' LEG, pinfall and Hogan's a 5 time WWF Champion. Crowd goes nuts and Hogan poses to end the show. Really, when thinking about it, that was the only way to send the crowd home happy. The match didn't have a whole lot of heat, and Bret didn't get a huge reaction when entering the ring, so, I'm for it, now.   Match Analysis: I'm only rating the Bret/Yoko match. Simply put, a * affair. Terrible idea for a finish, much like the entire rest of the show. That's sad. I'm glad Yoko got the belt back, as for some reason, I thought he was a worthy champion. ___________________   Rating: Terrible. Simply put, the worst show I've watched in years. The only moments where a face got the better of the heels were when the Steiners won, and when Hogan beat Yoko. I don't think that the Maniacs got the better of Money Inc., because the heels held onto their gold. Can you believe that they were going to do Kamala vs. Bam Bam Bigelow as well? That would've made the show even worse.   Best Segment: HBK vs. Tatanka. By a fair margin the best match, but no finish makes this one taste sour.   Worst Segment: Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzales. Doink vs. Crush is close, for the utter stupidity of the referee possibly having brain damage or whatever it was. ___________________   RAW and Nitro from 6/23/97 are next.
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Review: WWF Royal Rumble 2002, from Atlanta, Georgia, 1/20/2002.

It's time to Rumble. It's time for the ROYAL RUMBLE!!! Sorry for the early 90's-ish reference. ___________________   The opening video is great, and showcases part Royal Rumble victories...   And our first match is the Dudley Boyz w/Stacy Keibler vs. Spike Dudley and Tazz for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   Blow-by-blow: Ha, WWF New York. That's funny. Yeah, they showed it at the beginning of the show. I love Tazz's entrance, but the Dudleys attack him during it. They back suplex Taz on the floor, and do the same to Spike Dudley in the ring. Bubba gives Spike a neckbreaker, and takes off Spike's neckbrace. See, they 3D'd Spike on concrete at some point before this PPV. Bubba gives Spike another neckbreaker, and a suplex. D-Von tags in, and gives Spike a necksnap, then tags Bubba back in. Bubba gives Spike a WWE-ized brainbuster, and when he tries it again, Spike reverses it and gives him a DUDLEY DOG. Tazz comes in, but the referee never saw the tag. In the meanwhile, the Dudleys give Spike a GIANT FLAPJACK. Wow. D-Von goes to the top and misses a flying headbutt, so Bubba comes in, to cheat. Bubba and D-Von charge at Spike, but they clothesline each other, giving Tazz room to tag in. Clotheslines for all, belly-to-belly suplexes and t-bone suplexes for all, and a northern lights suplex for D-Von, which gets 2. Spike comes off the top rope with a crossbody, and he gives Bubba a DUDLEY DOG. Stacy Keibler gets on the apron to distract, but Tazz applies a TAZZMISSION. Bubba rams into Tazz which knocks Stacy off the apron, and Spike tries to give D-Von a DUDLEY DOG. D-Von dumps Spike to the outside during the move, but Tazz applies the TAZZMISSION, which causes D-Von to tap out at 5:05.   Match Analysis: That was a really good opening tag. It was short, but still, it was good. The unlikely title run by Spike and Tazz was fun, too. **1/4. ___________________   The next match is William Regal vs. Edge for the Intercontinental Title, but first, there are a few things to take note of. Edge cut a promo on Regal, but before that, we saw the history, which was basically Regal hitting Edge with brass knuckles and Edge laying him out with a chair on the Smackdown which occured a few days later.   Blow-by-blow: The referee is looking for weapons, and he found brass knuckles in Regal's trunks. Way to go. Edge attacks Regal at the beginning of the match, and backdrops him. Edge stomps away, and gives him the boot choke prior to ramming Regal's face into the mat, twice. Regal comes back with a few knees to the gut, but Edge backslides him for a 2 count. Regal rakes away at Edge's face, but Edge gives him an enziguri. Regal gives Edge a half-nelson suplex, for a 2 count...I always found it funny how WWE was so strictly against headdrops, but Regal used that. Weird. Anyway, Regal applies a cross armed choke, but gets backdropped when Edge makes it to his feet. Regal gives Edge a double-underhook powerbomb for a 2 count, and places Edge on the ring apron. Edge reverses Regal's attempted hold, and gives Regal a nice looking DDT, on the ring apron. Both men collide in the ring, and Edge gives Regal a spinning heel kick after a short rest. Regal gives Edge another half-nelson suplex, but Edge clotheslines him for 2. After a few left hands, we have a REGAL STRETCH...but Edge makes it to the ropes. That means that we get an EDGE STRETCH, but Regal also makes the ropes. Edge dropkicks Regal and rolls him up for 2, before going to the top rope. Regal knocks him down and tries a HUGE double-underhook suplex, but Edge comes off the top with a spinning heel kick. Regal grabs the brass knuckles out of his trunks, and Edge accidentally spears the referee. Regal runs over and clocks Edge, and after about a minute, the eventual cover gets a 3 count, at 9:46. The crowd hates it, and so does Michael Cole. That's why he goes over to Regal for an interview. Regal talks about his gifted left hand, and the power of the punch. Edge stays down during the whole interview, at least until a parade of officials is able to revive him. At least we have a new champion.   Match Analysis: I don't think these two have very good chemistry. Started out shaky, but definitely picked up. Not great, though. **1/2. ___________________   On Smackdown, Jazz attacked Trish Stratus, shutting her hand inside of a chest. So that means Jazz will challenge Trish for her Women's Title, you see. Jackie is the special referee...I have no idea why.   Blow-by-blow: This should be very short. Jazz attacks Trish, and gives her a big splash for a 2 count. Trish fights back and sunset flips Jazz for 2, which leads to a big "pin each other all around the ring" sequence. I like when that happens. Jazz drops Trish throat-first along the top rope, and legdrops her for a 2 count. Jazz wrenches away at Trish's hand, and she begins to argue with Jackie. That's real smart. Trish rolls Jazz up, but Jazz reverses it for a SLOW 2 count. Because Jazz and Jackie were arguing, see. Trish gives Jazz a jawbreaker, but Jazz throws her off during a DDT attempt. Jazz tries a back suplex, but Trish counters and gives her STRATUSFACTION. The cover gets 2, as does the cover after a Jazz DDT. Jazz misses a charge to the corner, and that gives Trish the opening to give her a bulldog, getting the pinfall win at 3:43.   Match Analysis: Not the best match, but these never are. At least it was short. *. ___________________   The next match is a street fight, featuring Ric Flair, who's taking on Vince McMahon.   Blow-by-blow: Before the match, there's a video package, of course. I liked this angle, just because it was Flair's return to action. Counting WCW, he hadn't been involved in anything that made sense for years. They lock-up, and Vince pushes Flair to the ground, Hogan style. He poses and all that, and shoulderblocks Flair. Vince struts, mocking Flair, but Flair takes him down to the canvas. Flair chops away after being mocked again, but Vince rakes the eyes. Vince tosses Flair into the buckle, but Flair isn't able to make it over with the flip, so he gets on the apron and Vince clotheslines him out. Vince grabs a "Keep Off" sign from the guardrail near the entrance, and he wallops Flair upside the head with it. Vince rams him into the guardrail, and goes to grab a trash can, which he hits Flair with. Flair's bleeding now, so Vince rams him into the ringpost and then the steel steps. Vince slams Flair on the outside, and goes over towards Flair's daughter. He grabs her camera, and takes a picture of he and a bloody Flair. How sweet. Back in the ring we go, and Vince begins to work on the knee. He rams FLair's leg into the apron and the post after some prior legwork, which brings him to apply the FIGURE-FOUR! The hold lasts for a while, until Flair reverses it. Vince makes the ropes, and goes to the outside to grab a lead pipe that he used to attack Flair on Smackdown. Flair gives him a lowblow, and knocks Vince out of the ring. Flair gets a television monitor, and he hits Vince in the head with it, causing him to bleed. We go back to the chops and over to Flair's family, where his daughter takes a picture of him biting Vince. Flair lowblows Vince inside the ring, hits him with the lead pipe, and applies the FIGURE-FOUR for the submission at 14:54.   Match Analysis: Better than I thought it would be, but that's not to say it was great. **1/4. ___________________   Nick Patrick is with Michael Cole, for some reason, Stephanie McMahon shows up. She says that HHH will kick everyone's ass, and rambles a bit about the uselessness of Debra. STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD heard that, and makes his way over. WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT, and Stephanie runs away. Stone Cold will win the Rumble. How do you feel about...WHAT? Sorry, I love that. ___________________   We quickly segue to THE ROCK vs. Chris Jericho for the Undisputed Title...I said quickly because there was no video package or prior buildup throughout the show.   Blow-by-blow: Jericho's Undisputed Title run meant absolutely nothing. IMO, it was always treated as a joke, plus, look how he won his important matches. Jericho tells Rock to JUST BRING IT at the beginning of the match, and well, the Rock does. He gives Jericho a back elbow and samoan drop to start, which gets a 2 count. Jericho bails to the outside, but Rock chases him back into the ring, where he spears Jericho. Jericho clotheslines Rock, but misses a charge to the corner. so Rock rams his face into the mat. Rock charges at Jericho, but Jericho drops him throat-first along the top rope. Rock comes back with (haha) a back elbow, but Jericho counters with a spinning heel kick for 2. Jericho gives Rock a suplex, and the COME ON BABY pin for a 2 count. I liked that. Jericho takes a turnbuckle pad off one of the turnbuckles, and goes for the WALLS OF JERICHO. Rock pushes Jericho away, but Jericho replies with a seated dropkick. Jericho comes off the top with a missile dropkick for 2, and he goes to the chinlock. A long chinlock. Rock fights his way out, but Jericho gives him a back elbow, prior to going up top. Rock crotches him, and gives him a superplex. Rock comes back with a belly-to-belly suplex for a 2 count, but Jericho responds with a bulldog and two LIONSAULTS. That only gets a 2 count, so Jericho pushes Earl Hebner. Hebner pushes back, so Jericho gives up on that fight. Jericho goes up to the 2nd rope, but Rock catches him on the way down and applies the SHARPSHOOTER. Lance Storm runs down to the ring to distract the referee, but Rock knocks him off the apron. Christian comes out of the crowd and tries to hit Rock with one of Jericho's title belts, but he misses and gets tossed out by Rock. Jericho gives Rock a ROCK BOTTOM, but that only gets a 2 count. Jericho gives Rock a senton, and then goes for a JERICHO ELBOW. Rock kips up, and tosses Jericho over the top rope. Hey, there will be a lot of that in the next match. Rock rams Jericho into the steel steps, and tears apart the announce table. Jericho rams Rock into the table, and tears apart the Spanish Announce Table. Jericho tries to give him a ROCK BOTTOM on it, but Rock counters and gives Jericho the ROCK BOTTOM, onto the English Announce Table. Back in, the Rock covers Jericho, but it only gets a 2 count. Rock goes for the ROCK BOTTOM, but Jericho fights him off and applies the WALLS OF JERICHO. Rock makes it to the ropes, and rolls Jericho up for a 2 count. Jericho accidentally forearms Hebner, and goes to grab a title belt. He hits Rock with the title belt, and Nick Patrick runs down to make the 2 count. Rock DDT's Jericho, but Patrick won't count. What the fuck sense does that make? This is overbooking central right here. Rock gives Nick Patrick a ROCK BOTTOM, then gives Jericho a spinebuster. Time for the PEOPLE'S ELBOW, but there's no referee. Rock wakes up Hebner, but Jericho lowblows Rock and rams him into the exposed turnbuckle, which allows Jericho to roll up Rock while putting his feet on the ropes for the 3 count at 18:50.   Match Analysis: You see, this is a prime example of how to make your champion look like shit. Way too much WCW type shit going on in this one. We'll knock off 1/4* for each instance of excess booking. Christian...Lance Storm...rope pin and exposed buckle (isn't one of those enough?)...non-counting referee, and the first belt shot. I think that's it, as the table spots are pretty much standard fare at this point. I would've given this ****1/4 without the excess. 5 instances of excess bring this one down to ***. Not very hard to bring the rating down, I don't feel guilty about it. ___________________   Shawn Michaels is with us from WWF New York...he looks drugged out of his mind. ___________________   It's time for the ROYAL RUMBLE. Winner goes to WrestleMania, yeah yeah yeah   Blow-by-blow: #1 is Rikishi. Boo. #2 is a returning GOLDUST. Yay! Wish he had never left the WWF in the first place, although him leaving gave us a lot of Seven bullshit in WCW. If you don't know what that is, just wait until you'll be able to see it on 24/7. #3 is the Big Bossman. Damn, he's looking old then, too. #4 is Bradshaw. If you aren't familiar with how I do these, basically I ramble, cover eliminations and entrances, and that's it. Unless something else happens. I thought Bradshaw would clothesline everyone, but he didn't. Instead, we were treated to Rikishi giving Bossman a stinkface. Rikishi eliminates Bossman at 5:25 after a clothesline, and #5 is Lance Storm. There's a dead period before the #6 entrant, Al Snow. Hey. Bradshaw gives Storm the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL, and #7 is Billy Gunn. Snow and Storm begin to fight on the ring apron, and Snow kicks Storm out, at 11:03. Like I said, there was a dead period. Billy tosses out Bradshaw when he was trying to eliminate Goldust, at 11:31, and then, here comes the Deadman, entering at #8. He chokeslams Goldust over the top and to the floor at 13:01, and clotheslines Rikishi out of the Rumble at 13:39. Gunn goes out soon after at 13:46, leaving Taker all by himself. #9 is a returning Matt Hardy, who runs right into the ring and along with Lita, stomps on the Undertaker. #10 is Jeff Hardy (saw that one coming), and once he comes out, they both hit their finishers on Taker. Jeff goes for Poetry in Motion, but Taker catches him and dumps him out at 18:22. Matt gets tossed over the top after a LAST RIDE at 18:53...and #11 is MAVEN. Yes. We all know what happens. Maven dropkicks Taker out at around 20 minutes or so, so Taker beats his ass. Taker gives him a chairshot and blades Maven's forehead (yes, it was that obvious), and #12 is Scotty 2 Hotty. Well, Taker knocks him out, and brings Maven back into the ring, and throws him over the top rope at around 23 minutes. #13 is Christian, who just fights during this assbeating that Taker has laid upon Maven. Of course, Taker takes him up the stairs, and tosses him through a POPCORN MACHINE. Man, that's still funny, even today. Christian's in the ring posing with his European Championship, until DDP enters at #14. I liked DDP's WWF run, which puts me in the minority for sure. Scotty gives Christian the WORM, and then he gets tossed by DDP at 28:28. Chuck Palumbo is #15...good God, get a haircut. That's the worst hair I've ever seen in wrestling. #16 is the Godfather, and during his entrance, Christian eliminates DDP. Godfather's entrance is super long, HO TRAIN and all that; as soon as it's over, #17, Albert makes his way to the ring. There have been WAY too many jobbers in this match. Ridiculous. Chuck and Christian toss Albert at 34:00, and they both clothesline Godfather over the top at 34:42. #18 is Perry Saturn. For fuck's sake, spare me. #19 is Steve Austin, who cleans house. Christian goes out at 37:44, Chuck goes out at 37:58, and Saturn goes out at 38:04. Austin looks at his "watch," and there's a lot of time left before the next entrant. So he brings Christian in, beats his ass, and tosses him back out. #20 is Val Venis. What is this, 1999? Going along with that thought, #21 is Test. Austin clotheslines Venis over the top at 43:07, and does the same to Test at 43:19. For #22, IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME OMG RETURNING SUPERSTAR TRIPLE H. Seeing as Austin and HHH are the only guys in the ring, I got the thought that it's really odd these two never faced each other at WrestleMania. Of course, they fight, at least until the HURRICANE comes in at #23. He wants to be like Mike, so he tries to chokeslam both Austin and HHH at the same time. Not gonna happen. Austin and HHH toss him out at 48:05, and #24 is Faarooq. Jobber after jobber after jobber. While this hasn't been super boring, it's been boring. At this point, I can name each person who will enter the Rumble, although not in order. HHH knocks Faarooq over the top at 49:36, and #25 is a returning MR. PERFECT. A mark-out moment for sure. This is his first Rumble since 1993, btw. Long interval there. #26 is Kurt Angle...Angle vs. Perfect in their primes would've rocked. #27 is the Big Show, who chokeslams Angle and Perfect. #28 is Kane, who bodyslams Show over the top at 58:19. Yes, he did. Angle gives Kane the ANGLE SLAM to put him over the top at 58:34, and #29 is RVD. About 30 seconds after he comes in, HHH PEDIGREES him. #30 is Booker T, as RVD is still lying on the canvas. Booker T just picks him up and throws him out at 1:01:39...man, he really was made to look like a bitch just like people said. That was a burial. Austin gives Booker T a STONE COLD STUNNER, which sends him over the top at 1:02:03, and we're down to our Final Four. It's Austin, Angle, Mr. Perfect and HHH. Angle gives Austin multiple german suplexes, but he can't get rid of him. Eventually he does at 1:04:10, and we're down to three. Austin comes back in with a chair, hits everyone with it, and leaves. Perfect and Angle fight, and Perfect gives him the PERFECT PLEX! HHH clotheslines Perfect over the top rope at 1:07:04, and we're down to Angle and HHH. By this point it was obvious would would win. Angle tosses HHH over the top rope, HHH sneaks in, and clotheslines Angle over the top rope for the win at 1:09:19. HHH IS GOIN TO WRESTLEMANIA BY GOD HEALED TORN QUAD. The end.   Match Analysis: That wasn't the best Rumble I've seen. Honestly, it's one of the worst. **3/4. Whoever thought HHH vs. Jericho would be a main event worth watching needs to be slapped. That was an idiotic decision. That's one of those matches where you have absolutely no doubt as to who's going to win. No doubt at all. ___________________   Rating: Decent. Not the worst show, but not enough good stuff to rate the show higher. Jericho/Rock was a gigantic disappointment, namely because of the booking. The Rumble was boring, although still ok. The rest was good to watch. Standard fare show.   Best Segment: Austin's promo about winning the Rumble.   Worst Segment: Jazz/Trish. It just wasn't very good. ___________________   I'll put up the Monday Night RAW review from 6/9/97 tomorrow, because those are super easy to type up. For the arena shows like the stuff from MSG they show, starting next month, I'll just post one big review at the end of the month containing tidbits from all the shows. I can't just ignore the MSG shows, some are quality, some aren't, and they're all worth talking about.
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9/2/2008- Transfer window closed, now for analysis

This entry is going to be about the transfer window. Today's for the players we sent out. This transfer window was somewhat light in the movement of star quality. With the money going in to Man City and soon enough us once Hicks and Gillett sell, next summer will certainly not be the same. Matter of fact, our owners are going back to the bargaining table with Dubai. It's gonna happen soon.   Anyway, we'll go in order. I'll include a picture for each. Okay, that's a lie. Don't think I'll cover youth players.   The first man headed out the door was John Arne Riise, to Roma for 4 million pounds.   A fair sum of money for the Norway international, but to be honest, I'm quite surprised that Roma of all teams were the ones to want him. The phrase square peg in a round hole comes to mind. He doesn't fit their style of football at ALL. I read he played well in their match against Napoli this weekend. Shocking. He still has it in him to prove himself as a top left back, but he blew it against Chelsea last year in the Semis. He had to go. Hopefully he has a few great hits like the one against PSV away during the knockout round in 2007.   Second up was Anthony Le Tallec, heading to Le Mans for about 1 million pounds.   Thank fuck.   The third man to join a new club was Harry Kewell, who joined Galatasaray on a free.   Leeds supporters were pretty pissed that Kewell joined Galatasaray. After all, there was that big incident a few years back. They should be mad! We'd have kept Kewell if he could stay fit, but he can't, so that's it for him. He's already scored twice in Turkey. By the way.   Peter Crouch headed to Portsmouth for 11 million pounds, which is, to be frank, insane.   The move gave us a real nice influx of funds we desperately needed, so, I was glad. But like I said, 11 million pounds is insane. He came off the bench for us, surely Portsmouth could've held out and gave less. I was quite happy to see him head out, Chelsea supporter he and his pops are. See ya.   Danny Guthrie moved to the northeast, Newcastle specifically, for 2.25 million pounds.   He had to go too. It's for the best. Maybe at a later date he'll be able to come back, but right now, he can't fit into the side. Guthrie has been pretty good for Newcastle. Of all the players we sent out, Guthrie's the one with the brightest future ahead of him. We should've had a buyback clause put into the move. We may have, but I doubt it. Soon enough we'll find out.   Scott Carson finally headed out on a permanent move, to West Bromwich Albion for 3.25 million pounds.   Carson blew this one for us. Had he played well, that fee could've doubled. Fuck him, and his stupid blundering ass. Had to happen.   And now we get to the moves which took place on the final day. Steve Finnan made his exit, heading to La Liga side Espanyol, for an undisclosed fee.   Finnan's a loyal servant to the club, and truthfully, this is the only exit this summer that actually bothered me. If Xabi Alonso left I would've been really bothered, but Xabi didn't. I've got respect for any player from the Isles that makes his way to the continent. Doesn't happen very often, matter of fact, I think he and Tyrone Mears are the only ones to head out this window. I'm trying to recall any other players from the Isles that play on the continent currently, but I can't. I don't think there are any. Last, and definitely least, Andriy Voronin headed to Hertha Berlin on a one year loan deal.   He tried to silence the Kop after scoring against Lazio. What a fucking moron. He's so shit we can't sell him, eventually we'll just stick him in the reserves after he disappoints in Germany. Let him rot. At least we got him on a free and only paid his wages, not a fee of any sort.     Tomorrow I'll talk about the guys that came in. Then international duty on Thursday.
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Review: WWF WrestleMania VIII, from Indianapolis, Indiana, 4/5/1992.

One of my favorite shows...a must-watch. ___________________   The national anthem was performed by Reba McEntire. When I was a kid and watched this, my mom liked that. ___________________   El Matador vs. Shawn Michaels w/Sensational Sherri is the first match...   Blow-by-blow: Of course, El Matador is Tito Santana. Not like I had to tell you that. The version of Shawn's theme that Sherri sings is the best. Both push each other at the start of the bout, and Tito gives Shawn a crossbody for 2. They push again and Tito puts Shawn in a headlock, before clotheslining him over the top rope. Tito brings Shawn in with a headlock, but Shawn breaks the hold at the corner with a few shouldercharges. Tito misses a charge to the corner, but in a smart move, he fakes another charge, and takes Shawn down with a headlock right after. Another headlock takedown by Tito gets 2, as does an inside cradle. Shawn tosses Tito over the top on a charge attempt, and gives him a backbreaker for 2 when back inside the ring. To the chinlock we go, but when Tito makes a comeback attempt, Shawn superkicks him. Shawn goes for a side suplex, but Tito counters and gives Shawn the FLYING JALAPENO, to knock Shawn out of the ring. Tito rams Shawn into the steel steps, and on the inside, he gives him a kneelift. An inverted atomic drop follows, as does ANOTHER flying forearm, this time to the back of the head. Shawn bails and Tito tries to bring him in with a slam, but Shawn uses the top rope for initial leverage and picks up the pinfall victory at 10:38. After the match, after Shawn's posing, Bobby Heenan says, "there's the star of the 90's." No kiddin'.   Match Analysis: A good opener, by WrestleMania standards. You know, many other WrestleMania's have lesser openers than this, hence the "good" title. I'll give it **3/4. The WWF must've thought highly of this match, because they put Shawn up against Randy Savage on the UK-only PPV that occured soon after the event. ___________________   The LEGION OF DOOM come to a little interview set-up for (obviously) an interview, with Gene Okerlund. Paul Ellering's being introduced, they talk about destruction and other nonsense that I don't entirely comprehend. That's all.   Sean Mooney is with Jake Roberts in the back, for another interview. The past footage shown highlights when Jake shut the Undertaker's hand inside of a casket on Paul Bearer's "Funeral Parlor" interview segment. Jake hit him a few times with a chair, too. Anyway, this is a great promo. Like almost every other big match promo Jake gave. Jack Tunney said that the snake will not be allowed at ringside, so Jake will do this alone. ___________________   Jake Roberts vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer. A grudge match.   Blow-by-blow: These are two of my favorite characters, so I'm biased. I didn't realize how great Jake's new entrance music was until I watched this match. Roberts tries to avoid Taker's attacks, and he does, by clotheslining Taker over the top rope. Taker pulls Roberts to the outside, and rams him into the ringpost, before sending him back in. Taker chokes Roberts for a really LONG time, before giving him an elbowdrop. Taker follows it up with a flying clothesline, but Jake responds with the DDT. After taunting and a few cheers, Jake gives Taker a short clothesline. ANOTHER DDT follows, and Jake goes to the outside to chase Paul Bearer. Taker sits up and makes his way to the outside, where he gives Jake a TOMBSTONE, before rolling Jake back into the ring for the three count at 6:42.   Match Analysis: Taker squash to even further establish him as a main event player...otherwise, there's nothing to see here. Notable for the end of Jake's WWF run and that's it. *. ___________________   Time for copy & paste....but there's a promo with both men that I find to be one of the funniest I've seen. "Love the way your mama used to make them sammidges."   It's Bret Hart vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper for the Intercontinental Championship. I deleted all the other nonsense that I put in the title when I first posted this, I don't know what I was thinking.   Blow-by-blow: Thankfully, they show the pre-match promo. I'll review that when the whole event is posted. Bret's in his all pink attire, and I don't know who the referee is. Both men trade armdrags before Piper takes Bret down to the canvas. Piper has his arms locked around Bret, and Bret runs and ducks down so that Piper goes out under the top rope. Clever. Piper spits at Bret to establish that he'll be playing the heel tonight, then we have a test of strength. Piper chops Bret after they exchange armwringers, and he rams Bret into the turnbuckle. Piper chops him more, and Bret gets a running dropkick. Bret plays possum on the canvas, holding his shoulder, then rolls Piper up for a 2 count. I think that's the first time he did that in the WWF, I'm not sure though. Piper slaps him, and now IT'S ON. Bret crossbody's Piper to the floor (see what I said about Piper liking that spot) even though it took a while for both men to get to the floor, and Piper holds the ring ropes open so that Bret can come back in. What a guy. Piper makes the referee check Bret for weapons, and Piper slugs Bret in the face with his left hand as Bret's head is down, so obviously, Bret couldn't see him. Wink, wink. Bret blades off the punch (blading was a no-no at the time) and Piper rams his head into the buckle. Piper with a bulldog that gets two and a dropkick for 2, but Bret comes back with a sunset flip for 2. Piper with some lefts and rights for 2, then a Bret flying forearm puts Piper out of the ring. Piper comes back in and both men clothesline each other. Piper goes up to the top as Bret is playing possum AGAIN, and he drapes Piper's feet on the ropes, then rams his face into the canvas. Here comes the usual, Bret with a inverted atomic drop, suplex, russian leg sweep and backbreaker, but Piper blocks the SHARPSHOOTER. Bret goes up to the 2nd rope for his elbowdrop, but he eats Piper's boot on the way down. The two combatants trade punches from their knees (I was going to say "trade blows from their knees," but for some reason, I didn't. Hopefully you can make sense of it.) and Piper rams Bret into the referee. Piper clotheslines Bret out, then rams him into the steel steps. Piper grabs the ringbell, but thinks better of using it. Cause he's a good guy at heart, 'ya know? He tosses the bell out and puts Bret in a sleeper hold, but Bret kicks the turnbuckle pad in the corner, and the momentum puts Bret on top of Piper for the 3 count, and the win, at 13:50. I can't describe the finish any better than that, sorry. It was like Bret-Austin at Survivor Series 1996.   Match Analysis: I won't say too much, but this match is WAY underrated. I don't see what keeps this from being a great match, considering that most people don't put it in that category. It told a great story, and moreover, helped launch Bret on his push that culminated in him winning the WWF title later in the year. Would it have been the same had Bret beaten the Mountie (or insert mid-card heel here) at WM 8 to get the title back? No, of course it wouldn't have. ****1/4. One of my favorite matches. ___________________   Bobby Heenan introduces LEX LUGER, from the World Bodybuilding Federation. MWHAHAHAHAHA. Luger calls Gorilla Monsoon "fat," so Gorilla jumps out of his seat. That was funny. Then Luger drinks a glass of milk, because it does a body good. ___________________   The next match is an 8-man tag, as the Nasty Boys, the Repo Man and the Mountie are taking on Jim Duggan, Virgil, Sgt. Slaughter, and the BIG Bossman. Before the match, the heel side cuts one of the funniest promos I've ever seen. You must see it. Anyhow, Ray Combs of Family Feud fame does this little comedy bit on the heels, saying that he surveyed 100 people. They chased him out of the ring when he finished the speech up.   Blow-by-blow: Everyone brawls, and all the heels get clotheslined, before bailing to the outside. WAIT A SECOND, Bobby Heenan has a special announcement. SHAWN MICHAELS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING. Ok, now back to the action. Duggan and Sags start the match, and after a Duggan clothesline, Sgt. Slaughter tags in. Knobbs also tags in, and Slaughter gives him a chestbreaker. A back elbow follows, and Bossman tags in. Bossman misses a charge to the corner though, so Repo Man comes into the match. Bossman gives him a shoulderblock, but he misses a splash. Repo tries to jump on Bossman, but Bossman quickly turns over and punches him in the nuts. Ouch. Virgil tags in and gives Repo a dropkick, then a crossbody off the top rope for 2. The Mountie punches Virgil in the head so that Repo can gain control, and Repo does, with a back suplex. Now everyone brawls, Sarge hits Knobbs with a roll of tape, and Virgil pins Knobbs for the victory at 6:32. Match Analysis: Just one of those "get everyone on the show" tag matches. Nothing wrong with that. 1/2*. ___________________   Mr. Perfect and Ric Flair are with Sean Mooney, and they're also in possession of a photo of Miss Elizabeth. Who knows what's inside the envelope. They plan to unveil it on the big screen when Flair wins.   Randy Savage's door is shut for Gene Okerlund, he grants no interviews before this match. ___________________   And now, one part of the co-main event, this being Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair w/Mr. Perfect for the WWF Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Lots of bad blood here. Macho's wearing gold...foreshadowing, perhaps? Savage chases Flair around the ring, and attacks him in the aisle, before Perfect can pull Savage off of Flair. Flair gets Savage inside the ring, but Savage clotheslines Flair and knees him in the back. Savage goes up for a 10 punch, but Flair tries to bring him down with an inverted atomic drop, only to be clotheslined. Savage gives Flair a back elbow for 2, but on a charge at Flair, Flair backdrops Savage all the way to the floor. Yo. Savage's back hit the apron on the way down, so this looked a bit more rough than the other times that Savage took this move. Flair chops away and rams Savage into the apron before bringing Savage back in, where he gives Savage a suplex for 2. A Flair back suplex also gets a 2 count, as does a cover after a few chops. Flair gives Savage a kneedrop, then sends him outside, ramming him back-first into the ring apron. Then with Savage on the ring apron, he suplexes him in, for a 2 count. Savage finally comes back with a neckbreaker after a few punches, then Flair goes up to the top. Flair gets slammed down to the canvas, and then given a backdrop. 2 clotheslines follow as does a Flair flip, then Savage clotheslines Flair when Flair's on the apron, for a 2 count. Savage clotheslines Flair over the top, then goes all BOMBS AWAY down to the floor. Flair gets rammed to the steps as he's bleeding, and Savage gives Flair a suplex, on the floor. In we go, and Savage gives Flair a double axhandle for 2. Savage goes up again, and this time, he gives Flair the FLYING ELBOWDROP. Perfect pulls Savage out of the ring on the cover, so Savage chases Perfect. Perfect tosses an INTERNATIONAL object to Flair (had to wait long as possible to pull out that phrase), thusly, Flair hits Savage with it. The cover only gets 2. Perfect hits Savage in the back with a chair as the referee is distracted, which brings Elizabeth down to the ring. Flair begins to work on Savage's leg, with a kneebreaker and the FIGURE-FOUR LEGLOCK, as he uses Perfect for leverage. Savage reverses the hold as the referee spots the cheating, and when both stand up, Savage cradles Flair for 2. Flair tries to give Savage a kneebreaker, but Savage flips over and rolls up Flair while HOLDING THE TIGHTS for the THREE COUNT at 18:05. OMG, TWO TIME WWF CHAMPION MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE. Bobby Heenan says that he absolutely MUST leave the commentary position, and he does. Elizabeth came into the ring to celebrate, and now, Flair's making a move towards her. He kisses her, she slaps him. Savage enters the picture, and begins to beat the shit out of Flair, at least until officials intervene. Of course, Savage and Elizabeth celebrate, to end the show. OH WAIT, we've still got a whole lot more.   Match Analysis: Would've been the perfect moment to end a show on, amirite? Too bad it didn't. The things that knock this match down are the same things that knock Flair vs. Hogan at Bash '94 down, although to a lesser extent. Yeah, there is a ton of overbooking in this. Much of it is completely unnecessary. As for what is unnecessary, I don't really need to say, I'd rather have other people figure it out. The only part I believe isn't excess is Liz coming down to the ring. You can get there other ways than with Flair knocking Savage cold with a foreign object. Still, ****1/4. A damn good wrestling match, despite all of that. The overbooking wasn't what made the match great. ___________________   Sean Mooney is with Mr. Perfect, Bobby Heenan, and Ric Flair, cause Flair has a LOT to say. Flair says that Savage is going to be claiming many falsehoods now, and that's what they are, false. The crazed look in Flair's eyes is the best thing on this entire show. Just being honest.   Mean Gene is with Savage, and this isn't over at all. He wants Elizabeth to take the title and go, then he says he'll do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get a hold of Flair. I'm still pissed that we didn't get a proper blowoff to this feud. ___________________   Now, we look at a flashback from the WrestleMania VIII press conference, in which Hulk Hogan was named the #1 contender. Sid Justice really didn't like that, as he stated in an interview. At Saturday Night's Main Event #30, he showed his true colors. During a match which featured he and Hulk Hogan taking on Ric Flair and the Undertaker, Sid left the Hulkster in the ring, while he was being worked over by the heels. Brutus Beefcake tried to get all tough with Sid and make him stay, but when Sid reached back to punch Beefcake, Beefcake let him go. Remember, Beefcake had a messed up face, unfortunately, Sid didn't punch him. Then the WWF would've had reason to keep Beefcake off TV forever.   To be fair, Beefcake didn't stick around much longer, because Sid destroyed the Barber Shop on Wrestling Challenge. Sid had shaving cream all over his face while he wrecked the place. Ok, now enough of the professional sounding writing. Lastly, we get to see a video of Sid destroying a bunch of jobbers, Virgil among them. ___________________   Before this next match, Rick Martel cuts a promo, namely describing how "Indians" know nothing about fashion. Haha. Obviously, the next match is "The Model" Rick Martel vs. Tatanka.   Blow-by-blow: Prior to the bout, some Native Americans were doing this little performance in the ring. Surely to keep the fans in the arena awake, because it was a long time between the end of the Savage match and the start of this one. The Model is one of my favorite gimmicks, like, ever. Does that make me a homosexual? Tatanka hiptosses Martel to start the match, then slams him twice, causing Martel to bail out. Martel comes back in and rams Tatanka into the warrior, but Tatanka returns the favor. Martel misses a charge to the corner, but he comes right back with a chokeslam. Martel tosses Tatanka over the top and brings him right back in for some reason, giving Tatanka a backbreaker inside of the ring. Tatanka gives Martel a backdrop as his comeback is being made, and then a tomahawk chop. Martel responds with a scoop slam and clothesline, but Tatanka gives Martel a crossbody for 3 at 4:31.   Match Analysis: Just like the 8-man tag. A match to fill out the card. Better than the other, though. *1/4. ___________________   Sean Mooney is with Money Inc., and seeing as IRS knows it's tax time, they have a lot of collecting to do, from the Natural Disasters. The Disasters are with Mean Gene, and they blabber a whole bunch of nonsense. Why were these two babyfaces, again? ___________________ The next contest is, of course, the NATURAL DISASTERS vs. Money Inc. w/Jimmy Hart for the WWF Tag Team Championships.   Blow-by-blow: Earthquake and IRS look like they're about to start the match, but really, they can't decide who's going to start. DiBiase comes into the match, but Earthquake tosses him into the buckle, then clotheslines DiBiase's partner to follow. Earthquake works on IRS and Typhoon comes in, giving IRS a hipblock. Typhoon steps on IRS' tie, and then rams him into the buckle multiple times, before missing a charge to the corner. DiBiase comes in and chops away, but Typhoon comes back with a headbutt. Typhoon misses a charge at DiBiase and goes over the top to the outside, where IRS rams him into the steps. Inside, and IRS gives Typhoon an elbowdrop for 2. Follow that up with a double back elbow, and a DiBiase axhandle off the 2nd rope for 2. Then there's a double collision, and Earthquake tags in, along with IRS. Earthquake gives him a clothesline and a scoop slam, before SHAKING THE FOUNDATIONS OF THIS VERY RING. Hart and DiBiase then pull IRS out, and leave, getting counted out at 8:37. Match Analysis: Well, that sucked. BUT, it wasn't the worst tag title match at Mania. That's on the next show. 3/4* for a general waste of time. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Brutus the Barber...uh, why? Brutus talks about HULKAMANIA, but I'm not listening. ___________________   Owen Hart vs. Skinner is our before the main event filler...   Blow-by-blow: Right from the get-go, Skinner spits some chewing tobacco on Owen. GROSS. Skinner gives Owen a shoulerbreaker, and a reverse DDT for a 2 count. Skinner tosses Owen over the top, Owen skins the cat to come back in, and rolls Skinner up for 3 at 1:10.   Match Analysis: Uh, good while it lasted? *. ___________________   Now, the big hype for the big match.   Harvey Wippleman and Sid are with Mean Gene, talking about how he's the master, and how Sid rules the world. He says it's Hogan's last match. We see a video of Vince McMahon thanking Hogan for what he's given to the WWF, and that Hogan doesn't know whether or not this is his last match. Then we cut back to Sid, and Sid says he doesn't really care what Hogan had to say, cause he RULES THE WORLD. ___________________   Of course, the main event is NOW, and that's Sid Justice w/Harvey Wippleman vs. Hulk Hogan.   Blow-by-blow: Harvey's at the ring to introduce Sid, during which Gorilla Monsoon says that he calls Sid, "Psycho Sid." Ha. Sid attacks Hogan at the beginning of the bout, but in response Hogan knocks Sid out of the ring and keeps him out. A big clothesline follows, so Hogan tears his shirt. Crowd is going batshit at the moment, so the two wrestlers stare down. Sid gives Hogan a knee and a rake of the face, but Hogan responds with a few rights that knock Sid out of the ring. Now we go to a LONG TEST OF STRENGTH, that Sid wins when he knees Hogan. Sid gives Hogan a big chokeslam (to a positive reaction), and he cuts a promo during the middle of the match. MWAHAHAHA. Sid punches Hogan in the kidney, then hits him with Harvey's doctor bag on the outside, twice, before sending Hogan in for the NERVE HOLD. Super, super long on that, but Sid ends Hogan's little rally with a sidewalk slam. Sid gives Hogan the POWERBOMB, and of course, it only gets 2. HULK-UP, big boot, SLAM, DROP THE FUCKIN' LEG, but Hogan only gets a 2 count. As we all know, Papa Shango was supposed to run into the ring. He did not. Not only did he not, he wasn't even close to getting there in time. Harvey runs into the match to get Hogan DQ'd at 12:26, so Hogan tosses Harvey onto Sid. Sid stands there like an idiot waiting for Shango, and when Shango finally gets there, he and Sid attack Hogan. The ULTIMATE WARRIOR'S music hits, and then the place really goes nuts. Bobby Heenan does too, and now, the Warrior cleans house. A chairshot from Sid does absolutely nothing, so he bails out. Now Warrior and Hogan pose to end the show.   Match Analysis: See, now that I've watched it again, I can understand why people said that Kerry Von Erich was the Ultimate Warrior. No lie when I say that I could not tell the difference during that run-in. Match was absolutely terrible. 1/2*. The Warrior run-in is something I watch multiple times whenever I watch the show. Can't help it, mostly because I love to hear Heenan's reaction. ___________________ Rating: Great. Two ****+ matches equals great. Not the best WrestleMania up to that point, but close.   Best Segment: Uh, I prefer Bret vs. Piper to the rest. Maybe I'm alone on that.   Worst Segment: I have to pick something...the 8-man tag wasn't the worst, because of Ray Combs' funny little comedy routine. LOD's promo was. ___________________   WrestleMania IX review will be up sometime. With the NCAA tournament occuring, who knows when.
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Review: WWE Survivor Series 2007, from Miami, Florida, 11/18/2007.

Opening video, and there we are, Survivor Series 2007. ___________________   The first match is John Morrison vs. the Miz vs. CM Punk for the ECW Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Much like Last Man Standing, three-way matches are not my favorite. Morrison and Miz stomp on Punk at the start, but Punk comes back on Miz with a sunset flip for 2. Morrison slingshots Punk into the turnbuckles, but Punk flies back off with a springboard crossbody for a 2 count on Morrison. Punk tosses both Morrison and Miz out of the ring, and flies out onto both with a tope. Punk goes for the slingshot clothesline but Miz blocks him, and Morrison attacks Punk. Morrison and Miz give Punk a double suplex, but Miz dumps Morrison out afterward. Miz gives Punk a back suplex for 2 and applies a camel clutch, but Punk powers out and gives him an enziguri. Morrison dropkicks Miz out and gives Punk a neckbreaker for 2, before applying a strang looking chinlock. Morrison tosses Punk over the top, but as Punk tries to skin the cat, Miz grabs onto his legs and pulls him down to the floor. Morrison suplexes Miz in for a 2 count, and Miz replies with a stroke on Morrison that gets a 2 count. Miz clotheslines Morrison in the corner for a 2 count, but misses a charge, and Morrison responds with a SPLIT-LEGGED SKY TWISTER PRESS for a 2 count. Yes, I just said that. Punk comes back into the ring and places Morrison on the top, where he gives him a frankensteiner. Unfortunately, he frankensteiner'd Morrison into the Miz, who powerbombed him. Punk gives Miz a leg lariat, and follows that up with the knee to the head and bulldog for a 2 count. Punk gives Miz a double-underhook backbreaker for 2, and Morrison quickly comes in, rolling Punk up for a 2 count. Punk tries to give Miz a GO TO SLEEP, and isn't able to, but after Miz gets Morrison out of the way, he's able to give Miz a GO TO SLEEP for the win at 7:58. Yeah, Punk retains.   Match Analysis: Yeah, that was good. Probably would've been better if longer, but I didn't care for the finish. The rest of the match was good, especially for an opener, so **3/4. ___________________   Friday on Smackdown, MVP attacked Matt Hardy's knee, putting him on the shelf.. He has an interview, and yeah, Matt Hardy won't be in the elimination match later tonight. ___________________   Now, we have a 10 Diva tag team match, which features Beth Phoenix (Women's Champ), Layla, Jillian, Victoria and Melina vs. Torrie Wilson, Michelle McCool, Kelly Kelly, Maria and Mickie James. I can't really review this, for two reasons. #1, it's meaningless, and will take up more space than I want it to. #2, I assign letters to each name, when I take notes. There are so many matching letters that begin each persons name, making it impossible to keep track. Anyhow, this was non-elimination, and at first, I didn't think there would be time for everyone to tag in. But they did. There were a few comedy spots, and Mickie James gave Melina an UGLY kick for the pinfall victory at 4:41. 1/2*. ___________________   Coach and Regal are in the back, watching Hornswoggle. You know, he's facing the Great Khali later. Earlier though, Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels had some things to say about their match later tonight. ___________________   That leads us to Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes vs. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch for the World Tag Team Titles...   Blow-by-blow: Honestly, I can't fathom how this could make it to PPV. Seriously. Cade shoulderblocks Rhodes to start things off, and follows it up with a hiptoss. Rhodes responds with a dropkick, and a sunset flip for 2. Cade gives Rhodes a backbreaker, and Murdoch tags in. He tries to give Rhodes a back suplex, but he counters and tags in Holly. Holly chops away, but Murdoch rams him into the buckle. Cade tags in and misses a charge, so Holly sets up that kick to the nuts he's been doing forever. He clotheslines Cade over the top, and Rhodes tosses Murdoch over the top onto Cade. Cade comes in and misses a charge to the corner, so Holly rolls him up for 2. Murdoch comes in and gives Holly a big boot, following it up with a cover for 2. Cade tags in, and after a Murdoch slam, he drops Murdoch onto Holly, which gets a two count. Murdoch tags right back in, and after a snapmare, he goes to the chinlock. He tries a suplex, but Holly blocks it and gives him one of his own. Cade tags in, but he misses an elbowdrop...although he's able to follow it up with a clothesline. Murdoch tags in and Cade tries to drop him on Holly again, but that misses. Rhodes makes the lukewarm tag, gives Murdoch a clothesline, and then a backdrop. He gives Murdoch a bulldog, and comes off the top with a missile dropkick. Holly clotheslines Cade over the top, and Rhodes goes for a DDT, but Murdoch gives him a Rey Mysterio style sunset-flip powerbomb for 3 at 7:18. After the match, Holly leaves Rhodes in the ring. I guess that counts for dissension nowadays.   Match Analysis: Typical WWE tag match. Not good, and not bad. Just ok. *3/4. ___________________   Todd Grisham is with Kane, Rey Mysterio, Jeff Hardy and HHH in the back, for an interview. Without Matt Hardy, they're a man down. And you know what, HHH has history with two of the other three, as mentioned. He says he's sorry for the Katie Vick thing, and he's also sorry for beating the hell out of Jeff back in 2001. Great guy, that Triple H. ___________________   Yeah, this is our only traditional Survivor Series Match. It's Mr. Kennedy, Finlay, Big Daddy V, MVP (US Champion) and UMAGA vs. Jeff Hardy (Intercontinental Champion), Triple H, Kane, and Rey Mysterio.   Blow-by-blow: On the heel side, there is not a single credible wrestler. Not a one. On the face side, you have 3 former World Champions, and another who will be the fourth soon enough. Rey and Kennedy start, and Kennedy applies a wristlock. Rey reverses, and shoots Kennedy into the ropes, where Kennedy gives him a shoulderblock for 2. Kennedy misses a charge at Rey, and Rey gives him a flying headscissors. Rey gives him a sunset-flip powerbomb for 2, and tags in Hardy. Hardy gives Kennedy a POETRY IN MOTION, and rams him into the buckle. Kennedy comes back with a clothesline, and MVP tags in, with a cover for 2. Viscera tags in, and gives Jeff a headbutt. That's followed up with a shoulderblock, and Viscera walks over Jeff. Kane tags in, HOSS CENTRAL, Viscera gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. Kane gives Viscera a clothesline, and MVP gets side-slammed. Kane comes off the top with a clothesline, and he chokeslams Finlay. Viscera gives Kane a surprise samoan drop, and the BIG ELBOWDROP for 3 at 5:29. An ode to old Survivor Series matches, with that elbowdrop and all. Unintentionally funny.   With Kane gone, HHH comes in and gives Viscera the knee-to-face, but Viscera follows up with a clothesline. He misses a splash, and Umaga tags in. Umaga misses a charge to the corner, but comes back with a belly-to-belly suplex. He misses a diving headbutt off the 2nd rope, and Rey tags in. Umaga tries to sit on Rey after a big kick, but he misses, and Rey gives him a seated dropkick for 2. Rey is unable to give Umaga a springboard hurricanrana, but he rana's Umaga into the ropes, for the 619. It connects, but the seated senton which follows only gets a 2 count. Umaga gives Rey a GIGANTIC swinging side slam, and the SAMOAN SPIKE follows for the pinfall at 9:18. Wow, what a good finish to the fall.   Down to 2 on the babyface side, so Hardy goes into the ring to face Umaga. Kennedy tags in though, but misses a charge to the corner. Hardy dropkicks Kennedy, but lands on his head after missing that seated dropkick of his in the corner. MVP tag in, and gives Hardy a gorilla press slam out of fireman's carry position. MVP misses a big boot, and Hardy pins him for three after a TWIST OF FATE at 12:51.   Kennedy comes in, but Hardy gives him an enziguri, before making the tag to HHH. HHH clotheslines Kennedy for 2, and gives him a spinebuster. Viscera comes in on the pin attempt and accidentally gives Kennedy an elbowdrop, so he charges at HHH. HHH pulls down the top rope to send Viscera out, and pins Kennedy for the 3 count at 14:24. Kennedy laid there for a while.   Jeff gets rammed into the post by Viscera on the outside, and brings him back in. He works on HHH, and sets things up so that he can squash both. Both Jeff and HHH avoid him, and give Viscera a double DDT for three at 15:28.   Now we're down to 2 on each side, with it being Finlay and Umaga vs. Jeff and HHH. Yeah, that's an even matchup. Finlay comes in, and gives HHH a european uppercut. That's followd up with a clothesline and elbowdrop, but Finlay misses a jump off the top, eating boot. Jeff tags in, and gives Finlay the seated dropkick in the corner for 2, but Umaga gives Jeff a big foot to the face on the ring apron. Inside, Finlay clotheslines Jeff for 2, but Jeff counters an Irish whip with a WHISPER IN THE WIND. After a Jeff enziguri, HHH tags in. High knee for Finlay, spinebuster, PEDIGREE and Finlay's gone at 21:17. Umaga comes in, takes HHH to the corner, and misses the running ass-to-face. HHH gives him the PEDIGREE, and tags Jeff in for the SWANTON BOMB, getting the three count and the victory at 22:09.   Survivors: Jeff Hardy and Triple H.   Match Analysis: The match slowed down when we got to 2 on 2. That sucked. Before that, the match was **** quality. As it was, I'll give it ***1/4. In hindsight, is this the match that jumpstarted Jeff's mini-push? I'd say no, judging from crowd reaction. The fans weren't as amped about this as they were when he beat HHH at Armageddon. ___________________   You know, Shaq's in the crowd. Too bad he doesn't play for the Heat anymore.   Regal and Coach are still with the midget, Vince McMahon comes in, and tells Hornswoggle he has a reputation to uphold. ___________________   Now, we have the match, Hornswoggle vs. the Great Khali. Shane McMahon comes out for some reason, to no crowd reaction. Well, that went well. Vince comes out too, and then, Hornswoggle. Ranjin Singh comes out with Khali, and says that this is a sanctioned match and all that. The fans chant that they want Shaq, but they're not getting it. Anyhow, Hornswoggle gives Singh green mists, beats him up, and goes under the ring to grab a shillelagh. Khali tosses it away and smacks Hornswoggle, so Finlay runs out to get Hornswoggle disqualified at 3:15. Finlay beats up Khali. Wow. This was about 3:15 too long, so in that case, I'm going to rate it -***. Brutal angle, brutal "match." ___________________   Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Title is next, and if Orton is disqualified, he loses his belt. If HBK uses Sweet Chin Music, he doesn't get another title shot at Orton for the duration of his reign. Simple? I think so.   Blow-by-blow: To start, Shawn goes to a neck vice, and continues it, until Orton tries to slam him. He can't, so Orton stomps HBK anyway. HBK chops away and shoulderblocks Orton, before going to a chinlock. To a front-facelock we go, until HBK tosses Orton out of the ring. HBK baseball-slides Orton, and follows it up with a quebrada. Haven't seen him do that in forever. Shawn tosses Orton into the ring, and comes off the top with a crossbody, although it's reversed for a 2 count. Shawn takes Orton down and applies the SHARPSHOOTER...you know why? Its been 10 years since Montreal, that's why, although this spot would've been better served being near the end of the match. Orton makes the ropes and drops Shawn neck-first otno them, and gives him a few kneedrops. Orton gives Shawn an elevated DDT for 2, and he goes to the chinlock. After 10 minutes this has been slow, but still, good. So far, anyway. Shawn powers out and chops away, before following it up with the flying forearm, and kip-up. He gives Orton an inverted atomic drop, but Orton responds with a dropkick for 2. Shawn rolls Orton up for two, and slams him twice, before heading up top. Shawn comes down with a flying elbow, and he TUNES UP THE BAND FOR SWEET CHIN MUSIC. Oh wait, he knows he'll get DQ'd, so he cradles Orton for 2. Crowd really liked that. Orton reverses a Shawn roll-up for two, so Shawn replies by putting him in the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! That move elicits a strange reaction, but Orton makes the ropes. Orton rolls through a crossface attempt, and clotheslines Shawn for a 2 count. Orton gives him the 3.0 backbreaker, and gets ready for the RKO...but he decides to kick Shawn instead. Shawn catches the punt attempt and goes for the ANKLE LOCK, he gets it, and applies the HEEL HOOK as well. Should be death...but it ain't. Orton makes the ropes, so Shawn tries to apply the FIGURE-FOUR, but Orton kicks him into the ringpost. He goes for the RKO, but Shawn counters...and goes for SWEET CHIN MUSIC. In mid-move he realizes he can't do that, so Orton gives him the RKO for the victory at 17:48.   Match Analysis: I didn't think it was as good as Cyber Sunday, simply because it didn't quite pick up from the start. An enjoyable **3/4 match, but nothing you'd remember for longer than a few days. ___________________   The main event is The Undertaker vs. Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship in a Hell in a Cell, but first, there's a Saveus.22 promo, cause he'll be there tomorrow.   Blow-by-blow: I hate when the Champion enters first. Hate, hate, hate. The cell is a lot taller than it used to be, which is the easiest thing to notice, visually speaking. They lock-up, and when shot into the ropes, Batista gives Taker a shoulderblock. Taker comes back with some punches and goes for the chokeslam, but instead he clotheslines Batista for 2. He gives Batista an elbowdrop and takes him to the buckle, for SNAKE EYES. The big boot follows for 2, and seeing as it only got two, Taker's pissed. He goes to grab a chair, and when bringing it in, Batista spears him. Batista grabs the chair, but Taker boots it into his face, and clotheslines him for a 2 count. To the outside, and Taker rams Batista into the steel steps. He grates Batista's face along the fencing of the cell, and gives him the apron legdrop. Taker puts a chair on Batista's throat, and rams it into the steel steps, driving the chair into his throat. Batista bites the blood capsule, as Taker chokes him with his boot, and rams the chair into Batista's chest. Back in and the cover gets two...so Taker goes for OLD SCHOOL. Batista catches him and gives him a spinebuster, and they slug it out afterward, ending in a Batista clothesline for a 2 count. Batista clotheslines Taker and powerslams him, which gets a 3 count. Outside, Batista whips Taker into the cell and clotheslines him, and then he torpedo launches Taker into the cell. You know, JBL is an awful commentator. Taker hits Batista in the head with a chair, so now Batista is bleeding. On the inside we get a cover for 2, and Taker goes for OLD SCHOOL AGAIN, but Batista crotches him and superplexes him. Batista goes for the cover, but Taker applies the TRIANGLE CHOKE. Batista makes it to the ropes and bails to the outside, so Taker dives onto him. Taker grabs the steel stemps, but Batista kicks them away and rams him into the post. Batista hits Taker with the steps, and Taker does a lazy bladejob. You can see the guy swiping at his forehead...it looked ridiculous. Anyway, Taker's bleeding pretty bad, and when brought back in, Batista takes Taker to the corner for a 10 punch. Taker comes out with a LAST RIDE, and from being a fresh spot at WM 17, I think I've seen it about 20 times on 24/7 over the past few months. I hate it now. The cover only gets two, and Taker follows it up with a CHOKESLAM, but that only gets 2. Taker tries a TOMBSTONE, but Batista counters and gives him a spinebuster. This is the good stuff. The cover only gets 2, so Batista goes outside to get...a TABLE. Hell yeah. He BATISTA BOMBS Taker through it, and that gets a 2 count. Batista goes to grab the bottom of the steps from the outside, and on a BATISTA BOMB attempt, Taker backdrops him onto them for a 2 count. A TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER also can only get a 2 count, but a TOMBSTONE on the STEEL STEPS does the job. Batista would've been down for three, but EDGE (to no surprise, although making his return) comes out from under the ring and pulls the referee to the outside. He clocks Taker in the head with a TV camera, and grabs the bottom of the steps that are currently in the ring. He gives Taker a con-chair-to using those steps as the 2nde, and puts Batista on top of Taker, giving Batista the pinfall victory at 21:25. No DQ, so the ref had to count. After the match, Edge hits Taker in the head with a chair, and that's the end of the show.   Match Analysis: Hell of a match...with great use of interference. I don't understand how these two slugs always have good matches, but they do. Hell, I think these two have had the best hoss vs. hoss matches that have taken place in the WWF/E. I'm going to rate it ***3/4. Worth watching. It was better than the match at Cyber Sunday, but I have a hard time giving it ****. 90% of all other hoss matches are shit, so...this is a rarity. ___________________   Rating: Good. There were four matches near the *** mark, so that's good. Plus, Hell in a Cell was very memorable.   Best Segment: Hell in a Cell.   Worst Segment: Hornswoggle vs. Khali. You know, I didn't know if something would top the Diva match, but this certainly did, in the worst way imaginable. ___________________   I'll have a Saturday Night's Main Event review up next. The one that'll be up on 24/7 is SNME #5.
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8/31/2008- Aston Villa vs. Liverpool

Not the best of performances today, but you take what you can get. I thought we played better today than we did against Sunderland or Boro. I'll start with player ratings.   Pepe Reina: 6. Only had to make one or two saves, did it, and looked shaky otherwise. Played far better in mid-week against Standard Liege. Alvaro Arbeloa: 6. Got forward well, looked really strong and like a top right back, except for that whole passing thing. Failed to set up chances. Jamie Carragher: 8. Rock at the back, most consistent performer thus far. Legend. Martin Skrtel: 7. Got burned by Young and Agbonlahor a few times, but stayed steady and didn't allow them to provide the final ball. Happy with his performance. Andrea Dossena: 7. Wouldn't want to run into him after a night of drinking. Tough as fuck. Lucas: 5. Jetlagged, played out of position. Not good. Javier Mascherano: 7. Driving force. Hope to see this man in our shirt until he returns home and plays the rest of his days at River Plate. Xabi Alonso: 7. He's back on form. We don't need Gareth Barry as long as Xabi keeps this up. Sunderland, Standard, and Villa have been great games for him, better than all of last season. Dirk Kuyt: 6. Played alright. Robbie Keane: 5. Looks like a bad buy if I'm being honest. Fernando Torres: 6. Would've scored if not for the injury. Hope he misses international duty and nothing more.   Subs   David N'Gog: 5. Lazy, but had the best chance. Still a kid, will get better. Fabio Aurelio: 6. Also better than last season, if he had played like this, we would've got a left back on a free to back him up, and not bought Dossena. Yossi Benayoun: N/A. Wrong idea, didn't get a touch. Probably would've put Babel in as a front-man here.   Rafa: 4. Made bad subs, and the formation was all out of whack. The lads looked lively at the beginning of the second half, but it didn't last.   Villa's best player was Nigel Reo-Coker.   The big story today is the Torres injury. How long is he going to be out? Hopefully not too long. We cannot afford to lose him for United at Anfield and Marseille away. Both United and Marseille are missing their top wingers (Ronaldo and Ben Arfa), so would this balance that out? Really, hell no, it wouldn't. We still haven't played a match with everyone available for selection. Now Riera's coming in too. He better perform, if he bottles it against United, safe to say the lad will never settle in. Hopefully Gerrard plays on the right so that both Alonso and Mascherano can stay in the lineup. If not, Alonso's the guy out.   Now, for the other matches I watched today...   AC Milan vs. Bologna   I woke up real early, as the temptation got me. I had to see Ronaldinho play for Milan. I had to see Shevchenko make his return. Fortunately, Ronaldinho didn't disappoint. Massimo Ambrosini headed in a beautiful cross from Ronaldinho. Ronnie's back. Doesn't look fit though. Sheva missed two golden chances, but he'll score plenty of goals this season. He just hasn't had a consistent run of matches in a while. The talent is still there. Bologna won after a fantastic goal from Francesco Valiani. Still think Milan are going to win Serie A.   Numancia vs. Barcelona   Well, Barca put in a stunning performance. In the worst way possible. Lionel Messi looked like the only one who brought his boots. The rest of his teammates played terribly. Henry had a great chance but missed, Eto'o had another great chance, but hit the crossbar. That's about it. Hleb should've started in place of Yaya Toure. Deep down, I expected they'd have a rough time against the La Liga new boys, because they'd never won at Numancia. Numancia won 1-0, thanks to a great goal from Mario.   Fiorentina vs. Juventus   I wound up watching more of this match than I thought I would. Highly interesting. Pavel Nedved opened the scoring in the 39th minute after a nice cross from Zdenek Grygera. A Czech Republic Connection! Alessandro Del Piero played strong and created some great chances for new addition Amauri, but the former Palermo striker couldn't finish. Too bad, he looks quality. In the second half, Stevan Jovetic, a new 18 year old addition from Partizan Belgrade, came in and played a strong game. Not strong as in hard to knock off the ball, because he was actually quite easy to knock off the ball. He provided a spark and set up a few free-kick chances, which new left back Juan Manuel Vargas failed to capitalize on. New Fiorentina defensive midfielder Felipe Melo was sent off after a reckless challenge on new Juventus man Cristian Poulsen, and from there, the match really picked up. Alberto Gilardino blew quite a few chances this match, until scoring a brilliant, hard-work goal, leveling the match in the 89th minute. Here's the goal. The match would stay level, and end at a 1-1 draw. Fantastic match, great result for the Viola. Although Mario Santana had no factor in the goal, he played fantastic. Man of the Match in my opinion. Because I watched so much of this, I didn't watch so much of this...   Deportivo La Coruna vs. Real Madrid   Good, back and forth match, which ended 2-1 for Deportivo. Both of their goals were scored on headers from set pieces, and Ruud van Nistelrooy banged home a goal (in the box of course), after a defensive mistake. No doubt a disappointing result for the defending La Liga Champions, but they haven't won at Deportivo in 17 years. 18 years now. Mexican Andres Guardado was the best player for the winning outfit, but they suffered an injury, as substitute Riki tore his hamstring while bursting down the left side late. Too bad.     Tomorrow I'll discuss our transfer dealings, as the window closes. Tuesday I'll talk about international duty for LFC players, and our World Cup Qualifying match against Cuba, in Havana.
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Review: WCW Starrcade: BattleBowl/The Lethal Lottery, from Atlanta, Georgia, 12/28/1992.

Oh yeah, BATTLEBOWL!!!! I'm tempted to make an out battle beat joke, but I can't do it. ___________________   It's JIM ROSS and JESSE VENTURA on commentary. This is the best possible combination of commentators in wrestling history. Eric Bischoff comes on screen to inform us that Rick Rude will not be able to contend for the WCW Title tonight. Well, gee. Instead, it's going to be Steve Williams. Not quite sure how I feel about that. ___________________   Tony Schiavone's in the ring with Bill Watts and Hank Aaron...this is funny, and surely in the way that you're probably thinking of. Considering how Aaron got Watts fired, and all. The winner of BATTLEBOWL gets a ring next year, so Sting, who won the last BATTLEBOWL, gets a ring this year. That was a serious WTF, I mean, why not just present the ring to the winner of this year's BATTLEBOWL tonight? Anyway, Sting gets his ring and all. As a result of winning last year's BATTLEBOWL, Sting is automatically drawn into a match as part of the Lethal Lottery. And now...we go to Larry Zbybyszszszko and Missy Hyatt, for the first 4 names drawn in the LETHAL LOTTERY. ___________________   The first match is...VAN FUCKING HAMMER and Dangerous Dan Spivey vs. Cactus Jack and Johnny B. Badd.   Wow. I know the Lethal Lottery wasn't legit, but one could believe that it was, with the combinations that get spit out. At the end of the match, Van Hammer's pinning Cactus, but Hammer gets up when Badd comes in, and that causes Badd to elbowdrop Cactus Jack. Cactus then pushes Badd, but gets punched in the face, causing Van Hammer to get the roll-up and 3 count at 6:51. Spivey and Van Hammer are into the final stage of BattleBowl. On a side note, the dubbed entrance music for all the participants is quite catchy. *1/2. On another side note, Badd looks so homosexual that I nearly forgot to mention it in passing. It was like, "yeah, he looked gay." Not even anything more than that. ___________________   The second matchup of the teams drawn by Zbyszko and Hyatt is Dustin Rhodes and Big Van Vader w/Harley Race vs. Kensuke Sasaki and the Barbarian. More weird stuff on the surface, BUT, Dustin Rhodes faced Vader in the King of Cable Semifinals. Something to watch for.   Dustin Rhodes is really over. Really. Anyway, Sasaki's not very well inclined to be doing a match over here. Nobody knew who he was. Barbarian and Vader are stiff as fuck, so this is pretty good stuff, albeit short. Barbarian accidentally runs into Sasaki, who's on the ring apron, so he gets rolled up by Rhodes for 3 at 6:56. I thought for sure that Sasaki would take the fall. Like I said, I try hard not to think about or look for results of the events that get posted on this channel. Something like this show was very easy to forget. Match was **. After the match, Race and Vader attack Dustin. Race gives him a kneedrop, after Vader gives him a clothesline. What nice guys. ___________________   The next result of the draw is Barry Windham and THE GREAT MUTA vs. 2 Cold Scorpio and Flyin' Brian. I love that second team.   Scorpio does a bit of crazy shit throughout, namely a slingshot 450 kneedrop. I shit you not. Muta and Windham are clearly saving some energy for later. Windham gives Scorpio a lifted DDT, and Muta comes off the top rope with a moonsault for the finish at 6:59. **1/4. Short and energetic, which is certainly nothing to complain about. ___________________   The last Lethal Lottery match, obviously featuring Sting...is he and Steve Williams vs. Jushin Lyger and "you had me until right there" Erik Watts.   The main thing I'm sure people (Smues included) want to know about the match was...was the DROPKICK that bad. Yes. Yes it was. Watts kicked his opponent with one foot, in the knee. Not to mention, he looked like he was standing up. I was laughing so hard that I didn't even see who he kicked. I think it was Lyger. Anyway, he gave another dropkick to someone, which looked shitty too, if not as bad. It's really hard to say I've seen a worse dropkick than the famed WATTS DROPKICK. The rest of the match was solid. Watts gave Williams a shitty STF that he sold like death, which really bothered me. So after reaching the ropes, Williams gave Watts a hotshot, to win the match at 9:08. I can't believe anyone would let Bill Watts push his son like that. Awful isn't the best word to describe Erik. It was just as bad watching JUSHIN FUCKING LYGER be his tag partner, and have to make the hot tag to Watts. Honestly, the first three participants I named are 3 of 4 guys who would be in a dream match. I can't rate it too poorly. *3/4, with stars obviously knocked off because of Watts participation. ___________________   So, the final eight who will be in BATTLEBOWL are Dan Spivey, Van Hammer, Big Van Vader, Dustin Rhodes, Barry Windham, the Great Muta, Sting and Steve Williams. ___________________   Tony Schiavone and Larry Zbyszko talk about the upcoming match between The Great Muta and Masahiro Chono for the NWA Title. Well look, here it is! The NWA Title is the Big Gold Belt, FWIW.   Ok, that was dogshit. Bad as it was, I thought it would be like this. The style of the match isn't going to cater to an American fanbase. It was puro-ish. Not only that, but the finishing sequence blew dog dick. Chono won with the STF at 12:49. It seemed much longer than that. Much. It's kinda hard to rate this, because of the way it went. I'll just call it a DUD and leave it at that. If I was able to write a full review, it would sound like this is a great match. It really wasn't. Both were lazy as hell. ___________________   We clip to a WCW Saturday Night...well, clip, that talks about Rick Rude's US Title possibly being stripped as a result of the herniated disk in his back, and the same may be the case for his status as the #1 Contender for the WCW Championship. Rude then comes to ringside during the "live" feed, and says that WCW is conspiring against him. He wound up being stripped of the title and didn't wrestle until April. ___________________   The next match is the match that Rude was scheduled to participate in, for the WCW Title. I'd like to have seen what would've happened had Rude been available for this show. It's Steve Williams vs. Ron Simmons.   Jim Ross has about 20 orgasms during this match while talking about OU and FSU. I wasn't surprised in the least. It's a very strange, long match. Too long. Williams works Simmons over, and given Simmons limitations, it's not as pretty as when Williams does it to better workers. The formula doesn't quite work. Not only that, it's really, really slow. When Simmons does his Hogan-esque charge, he gives Williams a spinebuster, and returns the favor from earlier, with a few chopblocks. Williams did that a few minutes ago, see. Simmons flies through the ropes to the floor, and now they brawl on the outside. Simmons accidentally clotheslines the ringpost, and that leads to a Double Countout at 15:12. Both wrestlers fight after the match, and Williams gives Simmons a face smash to the canvas off the top rope, which causes the referee to change his decision to a DQ win for Ron Simmons. The crowd liked that. They liked Simmons too, which explains why they liked that. Anyway, I thought it was a pretty shitty finish. You can't give your babyface champ a clean win at Starrcade? But this is WCW, so I shouldn't be surprised. *1/2. ___________________   Tony and Larry are on again, talking about the tag title match. See, Barry Windham attacked the champions at Clash XXI, after losing the titles to them while teamed with Dustin Rhodes. Anyway, WCW's tag team scene in 1992 was great. ___________________   So, yeah, the next match is Flyin' Brian and Barry Windham vs. Shane Douglas and Ricky Steamboat for the WCW World Tag Team Titles.   Here's what I noticed during the match, that was only somewhat related to the match itself. The floor is disgusting. Shane Douglas was thrown out of the ring, and when he came back in, his back was blackened with dirt and food crumbs. Gross. For things related to the match...the heat segments were awesome. Really great stuff. Windham and Pillman (mostly Windham) just beat the shit out of Douglas and Steamboat between hot tags. Yes, there were two. First heat segment was with Douglas, and the second with Steamboat. My only complaint is that after the second hot tag, the finish came a bit too quickly. But as far as tag team wrestling goes, it's hard to find many matches better than this. Douglas cleaned house when tagging in, and Steamboat gave Windham a crossbody which put both guys out to the ramp that was connected to the ring in the old WCW days. Then Douglas gave Pillman that belly-to-belly suplex of his, to finish the match at 20:02. This pretty much rocked it. I read somewhere that Scott Keith gave this **1/4. He must've been on drugs. This was an easy ****1/4. Easy. If you like tag team wrestling, it's worth looking for this match. Douglas really could take a beating then. ___________________   Prior to Big Van Vader w/Harley Race vs. Sting in the King of Cable Final, we get a clip of Sting attacking Vader at one of the WCW TV shows. Probably WCW Saturday Night.   This is another fantastic match. There are many great spots, and I'll name all of them. Sting gives Vader a german suplex, putting Vader on his head. That was worth a YO. After that, he clotheslines Vader over the top rope, which knocks Vader's mask off. Then, Sting comes back into the ring quickly, and pescado's onto both Vader and Race. That's certainly not the last of the WOW spots. Sting places Vader on the top later, and gives him a DDT from up there. Not Randy Orton style, I mean he followed him up there and gave him a DDT. That was great. Moving on, Vader's standing at the guardrail, and Sting tries a STINGER SPLASH. Unfortunately, he misses, and now Vader goes to work. I've gotta say, Ross' commentary throughout the match is fantastic. I can't quote it, because it doesn't give off the same vibe as the desperate situation he describes the match to be. Vader's giving Sting a real beating now. Vader's giving Sting rights and lefts, but Sting's doing the rope-a-dope strategy, much like Ross says. Vader tries for a superplex later, but he gets pushed off by Sting. Because Sting's so beaten up, he falls off too. Sting then gives Vader a huge samoan drop, and gets a splash off the top rope for 2. Vader then returns the favor with a chokeslam after Race distracts Sting, and gives him a big splash from the top. Vader goes for another, but Sting pops up, and gives him a powerslam in mid-move, for the win at 16:50. Sting's the KING OF CABLE. ****1/2. That's probably one of my favorite matches. It would've been better had Vader been in full-on WHO'S THE MAN mode, but he wasn't, yet. Everything about the match was great. ___________________   Now it's time for BATTLEBOWL. Ok, Tony talked to Paul Hornung before the event...and during the conversation, he said this PPV was on Monday, the 28th of December. MONDAY? What the hell?   The eight participants in BATTLEBOWL are Dan Spivey, Van Hammer, Big Van Vader, Dustin Rhodes, Barry Windham, the Great Muta, Sting and Steve Williams.   Unfortunately, I couldn't keep times, and wikipedia didn't keep elimination times either, so I don't have them. I only have the order of elimination. Before the match, Vader attacked Sting on the entrance ramp. Heh. Sting's then on the ropes, and Vader charges into the ring, taking Sting with him. Van Hammer gets thrown out by Steve Williams, as Dustin Rhodes bulldogs Barry Windham on the ramp. Yeah, that broke something of Windham's, as you could see when he was bleeding later in the match. Sting puts Spivey out, and then, Vader charges into Sting, knocking both he and Sting out. They fight to the back or something, but I was surprised by Windham's blood, so I didn't notice it. The final four are Rhodes, Windham, Muta and Williams. Dustin and Barry beat the crap out of each other, until Williams knocks himself and Rhodes over the top rope. So it's the partners from earlier, Windham and Muta. The crowd liked that. Windham gives Muta a superplex, and then dropkicks Muta over the top. Windham's celebrating, BUT, Muta skins the cat back in, and gives Windham two dropkicks to send him out of the ring. The Great Muta is the winner of BATTLEBOWL. And that's the end of the show, too. 6/10 for a less than spectacular battle royal. ___________________   Rating: Good. It's a must watch show because of the two FANTASTIC matches, but the retardedness of BattleBowl isn't something I would have paid the PPV amount for. When reviewing these, I try to think of the overall rating from the mindset of what I would have thought had I paid the full price for the PPV. I may not have even bought it because of BattleBowl. That's a bad thing. I know I wouldn't have bought BattleBowl '93, although I really want to see it now. Nostalgia factor, and all.   Best Segment: Vader vs. Sting in the King of Cable Final. It was awesome.   Worst Segment: Uh, outside of Erik Watts' dropkick, it has to be Muta vs. Chono. It was awful.   Loudest Sound: Dustin Rhodes, Cactus Jack, Sting, and Vader.   No Sound: Masa Chono, Dan Spivey and Van Hammer, Erik Watts, and Kensuke Sasaki. ___________________   I'll be typing up the Bash at the Beach review in a few days. I'm not promising anything, but if I'm able, I'll post thoughts and not a review about the other shows that are on 24/7 this week.
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Review: Random Thoughts from 1-23-08, featuring RAW and ECW.

This is just a RAW and ECW column. So, you've been warned. RAW is from Hampton, VA. ___________________   The new video wall is Fantastic. I purposefully capitalized that.   And our first match is Shawn Michaels vs. Mr. Kennedy.   - Kennedy hasn't been doing his entrance with the microphone recently. I wonder why? I watched the whole show much later than when it occured, so times are going to be there, and sometimes not there.   - When Kennedy couldn't bridge out of the pinning move into a backslide, I thought that was great, as was HBK's somersault pescado. I loved the finish, which constituted HBK going for that reverse figure-four, and getting kicked off. Then HBK kipped up, and hit Kennedy with SWEET CHIN MUSIC at 11:57 (shown) for the victory. ***. This was probably as good as a match between these two could get.   Randy Orton's with Vince McMahon, who's giving him reasons to shake hands with Jeff Hardy tonight, cause they're supposed to shake hands and all. ___________________   The next match was Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix for the Women's Title.   - Beth finishes with a fisherman's buster at 3:42. I didn't really care, *1/2. ___________________   Todd Grisham is with HHH, who talks about Vince in HD. Mostly about how old he's gonna look, and then, he talks about the Rumble.   After, Brian Kendrick is with Cody Rhodes. Kendrick has to qualify for the Rumble tonight, and Hardcore Holly comes bustin' in, talking about how he'll get rid of anyone, including Rhodes, to win the Royal Rumble. ___________________   So, the next match is the Highlanders vs. Finlay and Hornswoggle.   - What are the Highlanders, super jobbers? Anyway, Hornswoggle gets the pin after a frog splash. *.   And now Chris Jericho comes out, with great pyro, to talk about JBL. He says he'll fight him, to little fanfare. His return has been a disaster.   Vince is now with Jeff Hardy, telling him to never risk someone's life like he did last week. ___________________   Brian Kendrick's Royal Rumble Qualifying Match is against.....UMAGA. Harharhar.   - Yes, I really laughed when I heard William Regal announce that Kendrick was facing UMAGA. This was a super squash, ending with the SAMOAN SPIKE at 2:20. **. ___________________   Mickie James is backstage with Maria, and sad that she can't beat Phoenix. She leaves, and Ashley comes into the picture, talking about a party at the Playboy Mansion. And then, Santino Marella came in and said something so funny that I didn't even write it down.   And why is Big Pussy on Celebrity Apprentice? ___________________   Hardcore Holly w/Cody Rhodes is facing Carlito w/Maria and Santino in a singles match, now.   - Why did Carlito stick around, again? He's been buried so far down on the card that he'll be a Heat regular by WrestleMania. I don't have HD, but even I can see how old Holly's looking. Santino distracts Holly during an Alabama Slam attempt, so Carlito gives him a BACKSTABBER for the win at 3:11. That's one of my favorite finishing moves, but the match was a mess. 1/2*. ___________________   Now, we have HHH's match vs. a mystery opponent. His new entrance setup is the best of all of them. No time, given that I'm watching this via...nefarious means. It's a over-the-top gauntlet match, and his first opponent is Snitsky. Once this was announced as a gauntlet, I knew he'd be in it. What a terrible payoff to a terrible angle. Why'd I expect more? Moving on, HHH throws Snitsky out. And HHH's second opponent is Mark Henry. Uh, brand extension? Henry charges at HHH after a while, but HHH pulls down the top rope, eliminating him. Last is...an IRATE William Regal, who gets destroyed by HHH and tossed out. I guess this whole angle was just for the sole purpose of HHH putting himself over three guys. 1/2*. ___________________   The last segment on this show was the scheduled handshake between Jeff Hardy and Randy Orton. Orton says that he respects Hardy, but Hardy says the exact opposite. He says that there's a lot of people whose hands he'll shake before Orton's. First, Jim Ross, second, Jerry Lawler, and third, Lillian Garcia. Then Hardy goes into the crowd, and shakes a bunch of people's hands. When Hardy gets back in the ring, he gives Orton a TWIST OF FATE. Well, Orton's definitely going over, because Hardy's had the better of him the last two weeks. If Hardy won, Orton would look awful. ___________________   Show was...decent, the best segment was HBK/Kennedy, and the worst was that HHH gauntlet trash. ___________________   Last night, I watched ECW, from, well, 1/21/08. This show took place at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville. I like that all the shows use the same set, it makes things look, uh, more important.   The first contest was an Over the Top Rope Challenge, between Kane, The Miz, John Morrison, Tommy Dreamer, and Shelton Benjamin.   - Well, I know who's winning this. Dreamer's looking fat, which bothers me. I don't like seeing guys I grew up watching age.   Order of Elimination: Dreamer by Kane at 1:00, Miz and Morrison by Kane and Shelton at 2:58, and Kane by Shelton at 3:01. Shelton skinned the cat and headscissored Kane out, to win. Cool. I was wrong. And THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN' ME NUUUHHH. Kinda hard to rate that, but I'll go a bit less than **, with a *3/4. ___________________   We get that Best Body Contest I was awaiting so much...at least they did it when I had to use the restroom. I missed most of it, but I saw Coach dancing to the music as I went out. And Kelly Kelly won. Wow. There are nowhere near as many kids in the crowd this week, it feels like RAW. ___________________   Next was Kofi Kingston's debut, against a jobber named David Owen. Kofi's tracksuit is cool.   - That jobber did everything in his power to make Kingston look like shit. He succeeded. Kofi hits him with a really bad looking kick (because his opponent was standing so close to him) at 3:15 for the pinfall. DUD. That was not good.   Edge is with Chavo Guerrero in the back, because Chavo gets his title shot tonight. Soon Vickie Guerrero comes into the picture, cause it's Chavo's night. After, we get a GREAT Royal Rumble video, with facts and figures about the match. That may have been the best part of the show, thus far. ___________________   The white kid is with Tazz again. He's facing the GREAT KHALI this week. About time. Khali gives him the HEAD CRUSH, for the win at 0:37. It's not getting so old, I suppose, but there aren't many other guys to feed him to. Umaga and Snitsky...that's about it, I think. *. ___________________   And now, we have Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk in a...NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH for the ECW Championship. Well, that stipulation was a surprise, but not really.   - Edge is on commentary. I know where this is going. And I don't like it at all. Punk tries to get rough first, by pulling the turnbuckle pad off, although nothing comes of it...yet.   - The crowd is a little mild, but this time, Chavo gets heat. Punk drops Chavo on the exposed turnbuckle, and gives Chavo the GTS. Edge runs into the ring (fuck, not this shit) and gives Punk a SPEAR, which after a LONG period of Chavo lying around, gets Chavo the 3 count and ECW Title at 7:05. Oh, fuck that. *1/2. Well, there's no reason to watch this show anymore, but I will anyway. The Edgeheads bring Vickie down, and they all celebrate. Could they have made Chavo look worse? I'm glad Chavo got a push, but this is more like a bump. He hasn't done anything noteable at all. Awful. Awful. Awful. This match was MUCH worse than their others, as well, *1/2. Hopefully they bump this show up to being taped before Smackdown, because I can't see the people staying in the building to watch Chavo freakin' Guerrero. Just my .02. Nothing good can come of this for Punk, because he's not going to be put over Edge in the LEAST. ___________________   Show was BAD, best segment was...Shelton winning the Over the Top Rope Challenge, and the worst was obviously that AWFUL title change. Horrid booking.   I'll have a CYBER SUNDAY review up on Friday. Or not until Saturday or Sunday. Haven't made up my mind.
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Review: WWF from Madison Square Garden, 8/22/1987.

As I said, I didn't rate or review the matches from the house show posted at the beginning of the month. ___________________   Scott Casey vs. Tama is the first match, as Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary.   - I'm not too excited about this match, so there's going to be an evident lack of words. Tama has rabies, cause he's foaming at the mouth. Literally!   - A Tama splash off the second rope finishes things via pinfall at 11:24. 1/2* for a matchup in which little effort was put forth. ___________________   Tito Santana vs. Outlaw Ron Bass is next up...   - Tito attacks at the start, and then we see a wild brawl. The floor is really dirty, as you can see by the color of Tito's back, which is black. Bass' piledriver was funny, because Tito's head never came close to the canvas. Like, a foot away.   - We're going to the time limit. 19:49 is the end of the bout, after Tito knocks Bass to the floor with a flying forearm. We have a draw. Tito wanted 5 more minutes, but Bass said "no mas" and left. **1/2. Would've liked it more had there been a finish. ___________________ Velvet McIntyre is taking on Sensational Sherri for the Ladies' Title.   - Sherri's entrance attire (cape and all) makes her look like a superhero. Just sayin'.   - The match isn't very good, as I figured. That's too bad. We get to see a giant swing, which keeps me happy. While not good, this is better than Casey/Tama. Sherri pins McIntyre after a back suplex at 14:24. *. You read right, 14 minutes for a ladies match. It'll be easier to explain why as this continues. ___________________ Rick Martel vs. Haku w/Tama is right now...   - But we've got a bit of an argument here. Tito Santana joins us because he's got a problem with Tama being at ringside. So, Tama wants that dumb Mexican to leave. However, the referee wants BOTH Tama and Santana to leave. They do.   - Duke Doherty has joined us for commentary. Thankfully, he's nowhere near as bad as he was on that Houston show I reviewed a while back.   - Tama hits Martel with a steel chair, allowing Haku to pick up the victory at 9:18. **. A stretcher comes out, but Martel leaves without using it. ___________________   Andre the Giant comes out, but doesn't get into the ring, because the fans were booing him. He then leaves. ___________________   The lumberjacks are out, and they consist of almost everyone with matches on the show. Ok, not almost everyone, but many of them. Those guys are...Tito Santana, the Islanders, George Steele, Junkyard Dog, Jose Estrada, Lanny Poffo, Ron Bass and Scott Casey. A jobberific roster to be sure, which explains how the ladies match and so many others ran/run so long.   The match they're lumberjacking in is Ricky Steamboat vs. Honky Tonk Man w/Jimmy Hart for the Intercontinental Championship.   - The entrances were during the commercial break, which sucks. This is a good excuse to have Santana fight with the Islanders.   - Good stuff we have here. Steamboat goes for the end, but Jimmy Hart distracts the referee, so we don't have a pinfall. For some reason, George Steele came into the ring and counted the fall, so the referee's gotta send him out. While the referee is doing that, Steamboat hits Jimmy Hart, which leaves the megaphone in the ring. Honky waffles Steamboat with it, and we've got a victor via pinfall at 11:40. ***. After the bout, much like in most lumberjack matches, we've got a free for all. Noice. The o in that word was deliberate. Just say it out loud. ___________________   After Gorilla Monsoon interviews Duke Doherty and I wonder why, I suddenly remember that intermission is usually after the real main event. So, we've got a few of these.   Next, with Superstar Billy Graham. I love his promo style.   A terrible promo with Butch Reed and Slic follows...   Last, Gorilla Monsoon is with the Junkyard Dog and George "the Animal" Steele. ___________________ Superstar Billy Graham vs. Butch Reed w/Slick is on...   - Graham's body looks like Hogan's circa 2002. Not in a good way. He can't take a flat-back bump, so he shouldn't be wrestling. As a result, the match sucks.   - Slick hits Graham with his cane, to end things at 8:58. -*. Both guys fight, until it gets broken up by Pat Patterson and Gorilla Monsoon. You read that last name right. On the way in, he elbowed Slick to the canvas. That was the only redeemable aspect of that situation. Both guys were DQ'd. ___________________   Lanny Poffo vs. Jose Estrada is next...I fastforwarded. Poffo won. ___________________ Our main event is...Demolition vs. The Junkyard Dog and George "the Animal" Steele.   - Ok, this is really going to suck. We all know it.   - The match could not possibly be slower. Steele hits Smash with a chair, getting his team disqualified at 6:10. At least it was short. DUD. ___________________   Rating: Bad. Too many DUD'y matches.   Best Segment: Steamboat/Honky   Worst Segment: Graham vs. Reed. ___________________   You see, this was the WWF's "B" roster. The "C" roster's show on the same day was headlined by...Paul Orndorff vs. Harley Race, and Jake Roberts vs. King Kong Bundy. The "A" roster's show had matches like Ted DiBiase vs. Davey Boy Smith, The Hart Foundation vs. Kamala and Sika, and Hulk Hogan vs. Killer Khan. The roster was in need of strengthening. Thankfully, that would come soon after, with guys moving up the card, people like Rick Rude coming in, etc...   No Way Out 2008 review will be up before or on Tuesday.  
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As I hinted at in a thread...

Yeah, I'm turning this into a Liverpool Football Club blog. We'll see how long that lasts. I usually have a shitload to say about my favorite club and never quite get around to saying it. Now I will. After the Villa match tomorrow, I'll give player ratings...a rant on the new stadium and ownership...preview for international duty (for each player and the United States for that matter)...and lastly, a wrap-up of our transfer dealings this summer, and my opinions on the new acquisitions. I'll post about other leagues too, whenever something comes to mind. I probably won't get bored with this, unlike when I kept this as a wrestling blog. I usually have tons to say about football. Sometimes it'll be related to our Americans playing in Europe, like Jozy Altidore with Villarreal. I doubt many people will read this. Maybe that's a positive.   Today I watched West Ham vs. Blackburn...   Quality of football was dire outside of the goalscoring moments. Which were admittedly quite nice, especially Bellamy's volley. I wish he was able to stay healthy, we'd have kept him.   Arsenal vs. Newcastle   Newcastle were dire. Could've been a lot worse. Barton is a thug, but I found it funny how after his challenge on Nasri, he smiled. What a guy.   Sampdoria vs. Inter Milan   Maureen's introduction to Italian football was a rough one. I really like Antonio Cassano. Fantastic player. Ibrahimovic took his chance well, but Inter found themselves under seige late. Mourinho should be glad to have got the point.   Valencia vs. Mallorca   Silva + Villa = Champions League football. If both can stay fit and in form. This David Villa is far improved from his play last season, prior to Euro '08. He was really bad until the Euro. Afterward...wow.   Tomorrow I'm going to watch   Aston Villa vs. Liverpool Numancia vs. Barcelona Fiorentina vs. Juventus (some of this match, like during time between Barca match and the other, and during halftime of...) Deportivo La Coruna vs. Real Madrid.   Of the three non-Pool matches, looking forward to the last one the most. No van der Vaart and no Ruud should leave Madrid with a very tough test. Both guys were sent off during the second leg of the Spanish Super Cup last week at the Bernabeu.
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Review: WWE Cyber Sunday 2007, from Washington D.C., 11/28/2007.

I wanted to watch this, just because of the WWE Title Match. The rest looks good on paper, but not too exciting. ___________________   What in the world is this opening video? It's funny, though, as is the entrance setup. It's funny, but absurd all the same. ___________________   The first match is Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio in a...STRETCHER MATCH. Have to push the stretcher with your opponent on it over the line, remember? The other choices were a shillelagh on a pole match, and a NO DQ match.   Blow-by-blow: This should be fun, but for some reason, this show doesn't feel like a PPV. We lock-up, and Finlay pushes Rey away. Both slap each other, and Finlay takes Rey to the canvas. Finlay knees Rey in the back, and tosses him shoulder-first into the ringpost. Finlay clotheslines Rey, and tosses him onto the stretcher, which was outside of the ring. He tossed him like a fish at that place in Seattle. Anyway, here's a lot of stretcher based stuff. Rey kicks the stretcher into Finlay, but Finlay stops that and gives him a front suplex onto the stretcher. Finlay tosses him into the apron, and begins to wheel Rey towards the line, but it's not the end. Finlay gets in the ring, and gives Rey a European uppercut. Finlay rams Rey's throat into the ring apron, but Rey comes back with a flying headscissors, and a seated dropkick. We go to the outside, where Rey kicks Finlay in the head. Both men get in the ring, and go for the shillelagh that's on that pole over there. Finlay ries to get it first, but he's not able to, as Rey dropkicks him in the nuts. Rey goes for the shillelagh , but Finlay pushes him to the canvas. Finlay goes for it, and gets powerbombed off the top by Rey. Rey grabs the shillelagh, and hits Rey in the knee with it, twice. Rey dropkicks Finlay, but gets knocked onto the stretcher. Rey gets off, and kicks Finlay in the knee, before ramming the stretcher into Finlay's nuts. Rey gives him a modified 619 at the ring apron, and gives him a somersault pescado while Finlay is on the stretcher. Cool visual. Rey tries to roll Finlay across the line, but the stretcher is caught around a TV cable. HAHAHA. That was funny. Fortunately, the improvisation is very good. Finlay rams Rey into the stretcher and charges at him, but Rey flapjacks him onto the stretcher, causing Finlay's momentum to roll the stretcher across the line, for the win at 9:45.   Match Analysis: I like the improvised finish, and I liked the match just as much. It was good, as I expected, and just as good as their match at No Mercy. Same rating, **1/2. ___________________   Matt Hardy's bleeding on the Smackdown prior to this show was nuts. And his face is MASHED. MVP's with him, and says they can't fight. That said, MVP has a tough match ahead, later.   And then, JBL campaigns to be the referee in the match later, between The Undertaker and Batista.   Last in this run of segments, we have some Diva costume crap. Good Lord. Maria's wearing a cat outfit (very nice), and Victoria's dressed as Yokozuna. Ron Simmons comes into the picture during Victoria's little thing and says, well, what else.   DAMN. ___________________   I guess that's how we lead into the match between...THE MIZ and CM Punk, for the ECW Title. The other choices to challenge Punk were Big Daddy V and John Morrison. Needless to say, I'd rather have seen Punk face the last one than the others.   Blow-by-blow: Both wrestlers lock up, until Miz takes him down. This is a LOT of chain wrestling to start, and it ain't that good. We'll go past that, to when they start doing things right. Punk gives Miz a leg lariat, and a snapmare, before kicking him in the back. Punk gives Miz a slingshot suplex (one of my favorite moves), for a 2 count. Punk knees Miz a bunch, but Miz comes back with a snapmare and a legdrop. Miz goes up top, and Punk prevents him from doing something, trying for a superplex. Punk can't do it, as Miz knocks him to the canvas. Miz gives him a snapmare for 2 (what kind of transition move for a pin is that), and rams Punk to the buckle. Then Miz gives him that running clothesline in the corner, which is the only thing he does that I like. Miz applies a neck vice, but Punk takes him to the canvas. Miz misses a charge to the corner, and Punk gives him a totally messed up springboard crossbody for 2. Wow. Miz was on his knees for some reason...after, Miz gouges Punk's eyes, and pins Punk for 2. Miz applies a chinlock, as the crowd chants "Y2J." Miz suplexes Punk and goes up top, where Punk gives him a pop-up armdrag. Punk runs into Miz, and begins to kick him in the face. Punk gives him the running knee-bulldog combination at the corner, and a springboard clothesline, for 2. Punk goes for the GO 2 SLEEP, but Miz rolls him up for 2. Punk reverses the roll-up for 2, and Miz goes for the REALITY CHECK. He can't get it, so Punk gives him a GO 2 SLEEP for the win at 8:51.   Match Analysis: This crowd is one of the worst I've ever seen, although that has little to do with the match. I'm only giving it 1/4* because the right guy went over, and I like Punk. That said, this was the worst match I've ever seen with him involved. Simply put, the Miz doesn't belong in a wrestling ring. He's AWFUL. I probably should give this a DUD, but I won't. ___________________   Mickie James is dressed like a squaw for this costume contest, and Torrie Wilson is dressed as a Washington Redskin. I can't really describe how unprofessional this whole thing looks.   Now we get some leadup featuring Randy Orton for the WWE Title match a little later...although you can see how hard they were trying to push Shawn Michaels as the fans eventual selection. Todd Grisham's with William Regal, to determine who's going to face Orton later. The two who aren't chosen will fight each other next; the choices are Mr. Kennedy, Shawn Michaels, and Jeff Hardy. And the winner is...Shawn Michaels. Yeehaw. ___________________   So, obviously, our next match is Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Kennedy.   Blow-by-blow: Why isn't this an Intercontinental Title match? They trying to make it seem useless? I also wonder how they determine the payouts to the wrestlers for this show. The two wrestlers lock-up, and Hardy takes Kennedy down to the canvas via a headlock. Kennedy grabs onto a headlock of his own, and turns the move into a hammerlock. He goes behind Hardy, but Hardy takes him down with a headlock of his own. Both wrestlers get up, still in the Hardy headlock, and Kennedy gives him a back suplex. Kennedy misses a charge to the corner, and Hardy dropkicks Kennedy out of the ring. Then Hardy follows him out with a plancha, and brings him back in for 1. Hardy takes Kennedy to the corner for a 10 punch, but Kennedy sneaks away and dumps Hardy to the outside. Kennedy hits him with a running boot as Hardy comes in, for 2. Kennedy goes to the chinlock, but gives Hardy a quick DDT for 2. Back to the chinlock we go as Kennedy has a bodyscissor applied, and then gets a clothesline for 2. He goes up to the 2nd rope, but Hardy follows him, and gives him a rana off there. They slug it out, until Hardy gives him two clotheslines. And then he takes Kennedy hard to the canvas, for 2. Jeff goes for the TWIST OF FATE, but gets pushed toward the turnbuckle, where he climbs up and gives Kennedy a WHISPER IN THE WIND, but it only gets a 2 count. Hardy gives Kennedy that weird enziguri he does, and tries to dropkick Kennedy in the corner, but Kennedy swipes his feet, causing Hardy to land on his head. That gets Kennedy the pinfall at 9:07.   Match Analysis: I suppose it was ok, it was just a typical RAW match. I've seen better, and I've seen worse. **, but it was heatless, just like everything else. ___________________   Michelle McCool's dressed as Eve, and Melina's dressed like a Las Vegas showgirl.   Mick Foley's in the back for an interview, but JBL says that nobody gives a damn about Foley. So, JBL runs a campaign video...it's mostly a SMEAR CAMPAIGN! Once that's over, seeing as Foley's standing next to two of those Fathead things (one being Batista, the other, Taker), he calls JBL a fathead. That was kinda funny. ___________________   Our next match is...KANE vs. MVP for the US Title. The other choices to face MVP were the Great Khali and Mark Henry. Needless to say, Kane was the best choice.   Blow-by-blow: MVP bails at the beginning, to take off the t-shirt he's wearing. Smart move, to waste time, anyway. They slug it out, until Kane hits him with a big boot. Kane clotheslines him twice, and gives him a side slam for 2. Kane goes up to the top rope, but MVP knocks him off, and down to the floor, where MVP quickly brings him in. He kicks Kane, and gets a two count, as he begins to go to work on Kane's midsection. He pounds on him, and gives Kane a running big boot, for 2. MVP applies a seated abdominal stretch, and kicks away at Kane's ribs when the hold has to be released. Kane finally takes over, and begins to do the same things MVP was doing. He goes with some knees to the gut, and a backbreaker. He applies an abdominal stretch, and then picks him up and rams him into the turnbuckle. Kane places MVP along the top rope, and kicks him in the gut. That was cool. Kane rams the ribs of MVP into the ringpost and...MVP stays out of the ring for a 10 count, giving Kane the countout victory at 6:39.   Match Analysis: This was headed in the right direction, that being the "this is a hell of a match" direction. And then we had that finish, washing all that goodwill down the toilet. DUD on principle. ___________________   Before anything else, here's a Chris Jericho re-debut spot.   And now, Layla talks about the costume contest, while dressed as a cop. And Kelly Kelly's supposed to be a pimp. Let's not even talk about how gigantic her tits look.   Randy Orton's in the back, and we see video of what he did to HBK at Judgment Day. And now, everyone will have to live with the decision they made, seemingly because he's going to do the same tonight. ___________________   So, our next match is what I've been waiting for, Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Both men lock-up, and separate, before Orton gives Shawn a nice knee to the gut. He works Shawn over, until Shawn does the same. Orton ducks out of the ring on a faux SWEET CHIN MUSIC attempt, and Shawn follows him with that somersault pescado he's been doing lately. We go back in, where Shawn chops away, until Orton gives him a droptoehold. Orton grabs onto a front facelock, but Shawn reverses it into a hammerlock and tosses Orton shoulder-first into the ringpost. Shawn takes him down with a wristlock, and goes to work on the left arm. Then Shawn gives Orton a hammerlock slam, and applies a kelock. Orton gets up and stomps on Shawn's face, but misses a charge to the corner. Shawn applies a hammerlock, and gives Orton a back suplex at the same time. Shawn tosses Orton over the top and follows him to the outside, but Orton gives him a back suplex onto the retaining wall. Ouch. Orton brings Shawn in, and begins to stomp on his arm and knee. He gives Shawn a dropkick for 2, and goes to the chinlock. When Shawn powers out, Orton misses a dropkick, so Shawn gives him a jackknife pin, for 2. Orton goes for a back suplex, but Shawn reverses and lands on top of Orton for a 2 count. Orton gives Shawn the inverted backbreaker (that's what they call Mike Sanders' 3.0, so I'll call it that now too), and it gets a 2 count. Orton places Shawn on the top turnbuckle and follows him up, but Shawn pushes him down and goes for a flying elbowdrop. It misses, and Orton's ready to give Shawn an RKO. Shawn catches Orton and gives him a backslide for 2, as the crowd finally is into something tonight. Shawn gives Orton the flying forearm, and kips up, as usual. An inverted atomic drop follows, and a scoop slam. Shawn goes up to the top, and gives Orton a flying elbowdrop. Now Shawn TUNES UP THE BAND, but Orton forearms him right in the nuts in mid-move, getting himself disqualified at 15:52. Oh boy. Orton's going to kick Shawn in the head after the match, but Shawn quickly gets up and gives him SWEET CHIN MUSIC.   Match Analysis: Does the WWE understand that people PAID to watch this shit? This is a damn PPV, not an episode of Monday Night Raw. I suppose this was the only way to book themselves out of a title change, but really now. This match was fantastic, but I don't like the ending at all. ***1/4. ___________________   Brooke is in the back, dressed as Jane from Tarzan. And Jillian is dressed as Britney Spears. So, JR says this might be the worst costume contest he's ever seen. He said it's terrible. Good on him. ___________________   Our next match is Triple H vs. UMAGA in a...STREET FIGHT. The other match selections were a cage match and a first blood match. So, why didn't anyone pick cage match?   Blow-by-blow: I like that Umaga squashed a jobber in all these match selections on RAW before this show. HHH meets him in the aisle during his entrance, and they brawl. Umaga headbutts HHH, and tosses him into the keyboard that's on the set. On the walkway, to be precise. And no, it isn't a real keyboard. HHH goes for the PEDIGREE, but Umaga prevents it, and they brawl behind the stage. HHH charges at Umaga, knocking both men through the stage, in a cool visual. HHH rams him into the guardrail, and they fight in the crow. Umaga charges at HHH near ringside, but flies over the guardrail, putting him near the ring. Both men get in the ring, and Umaga misses a charge to the corner, giving HHH time to grab a trash can from under the ring. Umaga gets hit with it for a 2 count, but he comes back with a samoan drop. He gives HHH multiple headbutts, and a big splash, for 2. On the outside, Umaga rams HHH into the steel steps and brings him back in, giving him a legdrop for 2. They slug it out, but Umaga gives HHH a bearhug, and then, a belly-to-belly suplex. Umaga then gives HHH the running ass to face at the corner, for 2. Umaga chases the referee out of the ring and grabs a chair, but HHH gives him a lowblow, and a DDT on the chair for 2. HHH gives Umaga the knee-to-facebuster, but gets rammed into the turnbuckle, where Umaga misses a charge. Even still, Umaga's in control, and gives HHH a catatonic. On the outside we go, where Umaga peels all the stuff off each announce table. Uh-oh. Umaga grabs a chair and swings it at HHH, but hits the ringpost. HHH rams him into the table, and Umaga does the same. Umaga places HHH on the ECW announce table, and goes over to the Smackdown announce table. And then, he runs all the way over to HHH, and splashes him through the ECW announce table. That was nice. Umaga acts all crazy after throwing HHH in the ring and goes to the top, where he misses a diving headbutt. HHH gets the SLEDGEHAMMER, but misses, as Umaga hits him in the gut. Umaga goes for the SAMOAN SPIKE, but HHH hits him with the SLEDGEHAMMER after he misses, and gives Umaga a PEDIGREE for the 3 count at 17:23.   Match Analysis: This was pedestrian street fight fare, except for the splash spot on the tables. That part was great. This was just average. We know how I rate average. **1/2. That might be an unpopular opinion. Even during all that, nobody bled. ___________________   So, Mickie James won the costume contest. Whoop-de-doo.   Now we get the hype for Batista/Taker...and the announcement of the special guest referee. JBL says that it's time for someone with talent to grab a mic, and now, announce him as the referee. Mick Foley comes to the ring...to silence. And we find out that STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD is our referee. JBL beats up Foley, until Austin comes out, and gives Foley a STUNNER. JBL begins to beat up Austin, until Austin gives him a STUNNER. And now, for the match... ___________________   The match is Undertaker vs. Batista with Steve Austin as the special guest referee, for the World Heavyweight Title. I really, really expect good things from this, given the way everyone talks about their matches.   Blow-by-blow: The crowd loves Batista, so we finally hear some noice. Batista misses a charge at Taker, and is given a boot to the head. Both men lock-up, and Batista gives Taker a headlock, before Taker gives him a big boot for 1. Taker rams him into the buckle, but Batista reverses and begins to shouldercharge into Taker at the corner. Taker gives Batista a back elbow, and tries to apply a triangle choke. He doesn't, though, but instead clubs away at Batista's back for 2. Jerry Lawler's on commentary with Michael Cole, presumably to sell the beating JBL received from Austin. Taker wraps Batista's arm around the top rope, but misses his charge at it. Batista knocks him out of the ring and rams him into the steel steps, and then the ring apron. Back in, and Taker gives Batista a clothesline for 2. He goes for OLD SCHOOL, but is unable to complete the move. Taker misses a charge at Batista, and lies out of the ring, where Batista rams him into the steps again. Once they come back in, Batista jumps on Taker's back, until he gets thrown out of the ring. Taker places Batista's neck along the ring apron, and gives him a legdrop. The cover only gets 2, so Taker gives him 2 clotheslines. When Taker gives Batista SNAKE EYES, Batista counters with a clothesline on Taker's big boot attempt. That gets 2, and Batista goes for the BATISTA BOMB. Taker takes him to the corner, but Batista whips him to the other side, where he misses a charge. Taker goes for OLD SCHOOL, but Batista catches him on the way down with a spinebuster for a 2 count. Taker applies a triangle choke, but Batista positions Taker so that his shoulders are down, forcing a 2 count that causes Taker to break the hold. Taker goes for the CHOKESLAM once, but gets elbowed away. He tries for it AGAIN, and gets the move. Taker goes for the TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER, but Batista spears him after countering, for 2. Batista goes for the BATISTA BOMB, but gets backdropped out of it. Batista droptoehold's Taker into the buckle, and goes up for the 10 punch. I know what's going to happen here. LAST RIDE by Taker, but it only gets a 2 count. Taker goes for a TOMBSTONE, but gets spinebustered by Batista for 2. Batista gives him the BATISTA BOMB for 2, and ANOTHER gets the 3 count, at 17:25. So, Batista retains his title.   Match Analysis: Hell, I didn't expect the match to be THAT good. But it was. ***1/2, for the Match of the Night. That was really fun, and had I not already known who would win, well, who would know, given the way that match went. And that's the end of the show. ___________________   Rating: Decent. That wasn't a very easy call to make, given two complete non-finishes in seemingly important matches, one botched finish (even though I liked it) and a terrible costume contest. If I ever watch this show again, I'll only watch the end.   Best Segment: Taker/Batista. I think Orton/HBK would have been the better match with a finish, though.   Worst Segment: Costume Contest. Self explanatory.   Loudest Sound: Basically, I'm just going to list the people that got a modicum of crowd reaction. HHH, Batista, Undertaker, Shawn, and Randy Orton.   No Sound: Everyone else. Basically this was the worst crowd I've ever seen, and the WWE shouldn't go back to DC for a PPV anytime soon. ___________________   My next up will have thoughts from the MSG show that's on 24/7, and Smackdown from last night. Should be up on Monday.
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Review: Undertaker DVD, Part 4.

Now, the DVD set moves into the heart of the Attitude Era. I don't mind that, as it's a time period I enjoy. Most people say that a person's favorite wrestling period is the one they grew up on. I don't necessarily disagree, even though late-80's NWA is my favorite, this is right behind. I don't give a damn how many people look back and think it sucks. If you disagree, comment and we can discuss it.   And since the Kings won, I'm doing this tonight. Otherwise, I wouldn't work on it until tomorrow.   ___________________   From IYH: Unforgiven in 1998, we have The Undertaker v. Kane w/Paul Bearer in an Inferno Match.   Prematch: This is the end of the UT/Kane feud until they come full-circle with partners they each don't trust, and then they decide to team up themselves. Rinse and repeat about 10 times, and you have Kane's career. The inferno visuals are cool, they kept the flame low so everyone could see.   Blow-by-blow: They trade punches (and I had the feeling I'd be saying that a lot...), until UT avalanches Kane in the corner. Kane's in this phase where he sells nothing, from nobody, so that's what he does. It's even worse than when Taker does it. UT goes up for OLD SCHOOL and the fire blaze gets really high, almost to the knee of UT as he's standing on the ropes. Kane just drops him on the turnbuckle, and hits him with some rights. Whip hard to buckle, rinse and repeat 3 or 4 times. Kane powerslams UT and they both try to smother each other, until Bearer tosses a chair into the ring. Kane hits UT with the chair, and then the camera pans to Bearer wiping the sweat off his face. Yeah, I'm sure those flames are hot. Kane pushes UT toward the flame AND BAH GAWD HE'S GONNA PUT HIS ASS ON FIRE, but Taker finds his way away from it. Taker gives him a russian leg sweep and a legdrop. CHOKESLAM, CHOKESLAM STRAIGHT TO HELL by Kane, so logically, Taker must return the favor. Then, both guys give each other a big boot. It looked weird. Undertaker misses his running, flying clothesline, and he almost flies too far and into the flames. That was close. Kane sideslams Taker and goes up to the top rope, but UT crotches him on the turnbuckle, then superplexes him. Kane gets tossed out over the top rope, but the flames don't get him. OK. What's the point of the match then. As Kane walks towards the back, Vader makes his first televised appearance since No Way Out of Texas, and gives Kane a piece of his mind. The two wrestlers get a little closer to the ring, and UT FLIES over the top rope with a tope, knocking both men down. Taker chases Bearer onto a stage set-up on the side, and puts a drum through Bearer's head after Bearer gives him a WEAK ASS chairshot. Bearer does a blade-job, and back at the ring, Undertaker knocks Kane into the fire after Kane CLEARLY put on a flame-retardant sleeve or something, and that's it. HE'S ON FIRE, OH MAH GAWD. The bell rings at 16:01.   Match analysis: It was weird. Really weird. Not negative star worthy or anything, but the booking was bizarre. The guys never should have left the ring, but then again, Kane would never have been able to put on the flame-retardant sleeve. It's not BAD though, like one would expect. The gimmick (and other reviews out there) tends to have people thinking the match is dogshit. *.   ___________________   From King of the Ring 1998, it's Mankind vs. The Undertaker, in Hell in a Cell.   Prematch: We all know what happens here. UT limps out and climbs the cell. Nothing else sticks out except for the sheer number of lighters while the lights are turned out. Goodness.   Blow-by-blow: Undertaker goes up the Cell, takes a few chairshots and throws Mick off the Cell. The bump still holds up to this day, and it will hold up forever. Two shittier workers, and nobody would have given a fuck. But because it was these two guys, because the Undertaker character was going in a darker direction, and because Mick Foley was supposed to be a sick sonofabitch, it worked. Moving on from that, I like seeing Hugo Savinovich of the Spanish announce team sprawled out after the giant throw off the Cell. It always makes me laugh. Terry Funk, Sgt. Slaughter and Vince McMahon make their way out, he does a stretcher job, BUT HE AIN'T DONE, BAH GAWD, HE'S CRAZY, HE'S SICK!   Stop here. Nothing tops this. I would have loved to seen Mick return the favor, and that would have been the perfect way to end the match, IMO.   They both re-climb the Cell, and Undertaker headbutts Mick. That's a strange thing to see Taker do. Then Taker chokeslams Mick through the Cell. This bump is more impressive than the first, I think. Once UT struggles to get through the hole in the Cell, he chokeslams Terry Funk out of his shoes. Legit LOL there, from both my brother, my father and I. Like I said, I don't watch these alone. This channel brings back good, old memories. Taker punches Mick, and Mick falls down in a heap. It's almost funny, in a sick way. Then the infamous clip of Foley's tooth in his nose follows, and he SAYS that he was trying to stick his tongue through a hole in his lip, but his beard kept everyone from seeing it. For some reason, I'm not so sure about that one. Taker goes up for OLD SCHOOL, but Mick knocks him off. Taker grabs the stairs because Mick can't hold them, so they improvise and Taker launches the stairs into Mick's injured shoulder. Geez, dude. Watch out. Taker then flies into the cell, and you can see the guy scraping his blade up toward his face, trying to get his face to cut. Business exposure, kids. Learn to love it, learn to live with it, DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER, AND SO ARE THE FOUR HORSEMEN. Sorry. Back in the ring...Mick piledrives Taker onto a chair for two. I'm calling him Mick because his mask is gone, see. A legdrop onto Taker as a chair is draped over Taker's face gets 2, then Mick gives him an ugly looking double arm DDT. He goes under the ring...and we have TACKS. OH MY GAWD, TACKS, TACKS, HE'S SICK...but Mick gives UT FINGERS IN THE MOUTH a MANDIBLE CLAW instead. UT lifts Mick on his back, and then drops him onto a small portion of the TACKS. But Mick ROLLS IN THEM. A chokeslam on the tacks gets most of them stuck to Mick's back, and then Mick gets TOMBSTONE'D for the finish at 17:38.   Match analysis:   1. Both bumps off the top of the Cell were nuts.   2. Most people deride the match because they think all it was, was two big bumps and some thumbtacks.   No.   Fuck those people. The match told a story. A story about two sick motherfuckers that would do anything to win. The only thing that irks me, is that they weren't trying to win anything in particular. Except for pride. And with the history of these two, that's all it takes. I'm stuck in the middle about how I really feel about this match. I've watched it about 10 times including the live airing, I have it on DVD, and my opinion still hasn't changed. So my rating shall be in the middle, as well. **1/2. It isn't the best one of these matches, but it's memorable, and with damn good reason.   ___________________   From King of the Ring 1999, it's a World Wrestling Federation Championship match, with the challenger being The Rock, and the Champion being The Undertaker. Undertaker is accompanied by Paul Bearer...   Prematch: Undertaker is just sick at this point, I'll leave it at that. Yes, this is the PPV where Billy Gunn wins the King of the Ring. No, I haven't seen the whole PPV, or this match. I made a point not to order any WWF PPV's post WM XV until Royal Rumble 2000, and I haven't seen a single one in between, although I watched RAW all the time. My parents felt that ripped off by WM XV, and I didn't disagree. Instead, we ordered WCW PPV's.   Yeah.   Blow-by-blow: Ref bump quick and early before anything starts, and if history is any indication, it should be good. Remember Ground Zero 1997? Unfortunately, when Vince Russo's booking, both logic and history is thrown in the garbage. This match was 3rd from last at this PPV, Billy Gunn's KotR win and a shitty Austin ladder match followed. Anyway, ROCK BOTTOM, HE JUST HIT ROCK BOTTOM, but there's no ref. The new one gets to the ring, and Bearer pulls him out while he was making the count. Fuck. Overbooking at the start? I'm used to that at the finish. Bearer punches the new ref to the ground, and a UT chokeslam gets 2. This match is going in reverse. Rocky clotheslines Taker to gain control, and does his spit punch to finish the combination. This guy was, and is, GOLD. He throws UT out of the ring, and now we brawl. They beat each other up near the stage, and on the way back toward the ring, Taker suplexes Rocky in the entranceway. Back in, and an Undertaker cover gets a 1 count. Armwringer and OLD SCHOOL follows, but nope, Taker's nuts must suffer after being crotched along the top rope. Rocky has a water bottle, and he takes a swig and spits it out at Taker. He's still getting the catchphrases down, and stuff. Into the crowd we go, and Rocky pours beer on Taker. Back near the announce table after some shitty brawling, and Rocky rams the face of Taker into the ringbell. Taker grabs the bell, and Rocky has a chair, and the weapons meet. Who the fuck came up with that idea. The visual is terrible, and accomplishes nothing other than that hitting a bell with a chair hurt Rocky. Bearer then hits Rocky with his shoe. Uh. Lots of Taker punches, and his running DDT gets 2. To the chinlock we go, then Rocky powers out and gives Taker a samoan drop for 2. Double clothesline follows, and Rocky's up first. A Taker TOMBSTONE attempt leads to a Rocky counter, as Rocky DDT's him. Ref bump after a whip and collision, and we HAVE THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW. THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW PAD COMES OFF, AND HE DROPS THE FUCKING ELBOW for no count, as there isn't a ref to do so. Taker gives Rock a nutshot, and Bearer has a rag. He soaks it with ETHER. AND BAH GAWD, IT SMELLS LIKE ETHER. This shit is so fucking stupid, I remember when Taker was going to embalm Steve Austin alive and that sort of booking really reminds me of it. Maybe because it's done by the same guy, I dunno. Well, actually, I do. Rocky steals the rag after a clothesline, and smothers Undertaker with it. But Triple H HAS to come to the ring, and he HAS to PEDIGREE Rocky, and JR has to call him a lousy, no good son of a bitch, and we have to have a run-in, and just fuck it I want this to be over. Taker somehow gets his finger on Rocky as both are out, but Rocky kicks out at 2. Taker gets up first, and TOMBSTONE'S Rocky for the win at 19:47. HHH came out because he's in the Corporate Ministry, ya know?   Match analysis: It's a really shitty, really overbooked title match. My initial rating while watching it was *1/2, but after thinking about it, there's really no way I can go that high. The brawling sucked. The booking sucked. The promos before this match on RAW sucked (yes, I do remember. Learning tree yourself, bitch.). Just the overall writing of the company sucked, but damn, I look on it fondly. The match is 1/2*, and I can't possibly watch it again. If you can't book a 20 minute straight wrestling match ONCE in your ENTIRE fucking life, chances are you're on the wrong business. And you show me a match that Russo booked all by himself that went more than 20 minutes, without run-ins, ref bumps, ether soaked rags, human torches, graveyards, celebrity world champions, a tazer, a heel turn, a "shoot", "blood" coming out of the ceiling, partners that hate each other, tits and ass, or any other shitty gimmick out there...   and I'll show you Michael Jordan. Seriously, if anyone can find a straight, non-gimmicked, Russo booked wrestling match with none of the things I mentioned, I'll review it. I don't think such a thing exists. To be truthful, in this case, Undertaker carried the match. I'm not shittin'. I don't know if this match, with this booking, could have been any better.   ___________________   And that's it. I don't know what I'll do next, but I'll have something done tomorrow. I sure would like to see some comments after some of the statements I've made...   This part of the DVD is worth a watch, if you haven't seen the Inferno match. But if you want to watch it until the end, please take caution. And try to laugh, as often as possible.
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