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Review: WWE Royal Rumble 2008, from New York City; 1/27/2008.

Going to be a lot of hindsight thinking in this review... ___________________   First match up on this is Ric Flair vs. MVP.   Blow-by-Blow: Flair's last MSG performance...he gets on the mic, thanks the fans, and MVP interrupts. Here we go. MVP takes Flair to the canvas, cause he's BALLIN! Ok, now Flair applies a hammerlock, before giving MVP a shoulderblock. Flair tries that again, and MVP drop-toe holds him down to the canvas. A big boot and neckbreaker get a one count for MVP, so MVP goes to the chinlock, while having the arm barred. MVP misses a charge to the corner, so Flair tries a FIGURE-FOUR...but he can't get it applied. Instead, he gives MVP an atomic drop, but MVP cradles him for 2 on the next attempted move. MVP gives Flair a backdrop, and a running big boot for a 2 count. The two count was because Flair's foot on the ropes. Had the referee not noticed, Flair would've been forced to retire. An MVP clothesline gets a two count, and so does a double underhook suplex. Now MVP places Flair up top for a superplex, but it only gets a 2 count. Double collision now, and once Flair gets up, we get two counts from a small package and a backslide. MVP tries the PLAYMAKER after a knee to the face, but Flair reverses, FIGURE-FOUR, MVP taps out at 7:49. And Flair kisses MSG goodbye...   Match Analysis: Not visually pleasing, to say the least. It really sucked. Saddening to see one of my favorites performing so poorly, but hey, that's life. I'll give it *1/4, and when I watched this one live, first thing I thought was wow, it's probably a good thing that Flair's career is going to end. ___________________   Mike Adamle talks for a bit, and then, we have the hype video for Chris Jericho vs. JBL. Which is now.   Blow-by-Blow: The referee won't let them fight at the start, but that ends when JBL hits Jericho in the back with some clubbing blows. Jericho jumps on top of JBL and punches away, but JBL tosses him out. Jericho comes right back in and goes for the WALLS OF JERICHO, but JBL reaches the ropes. After Jericho gives JBL a baseball slide and rams him into the retaining wall, he rams JBL into the steps. Back in, and JBL gives Jericho a hotshot, so he can regain control. After a lariat, JBL takes Jericho to the ropes to choke him, at least until applying a sleeper. A JBL big boot follows, then he rams Jericho shoulder-first into the ringpost. Well, Jericho's bleeding now. Bradshaw kicks away as Jericho's gushing, but Jericho responds with a clothesline. The botched lionsault is cut out, so we see the LIONSAULT that landed, to a mock cheer. Um...now the fans that haven't seen the show before don't know what that's all about. Which is dumb. Anyway, Jericho clotheslines JBL over the top, and hits him with a steel chair for the disqualification at 9:19. Jericho now has a cord, which he uses to hang JBL with, much like JBL did to him on RAW. Which was great.   Match Analysis: A new side of Jericho was shown in this match, but they went right back to the old one soon after. I'm not really a fan of that decision, because I'm very much in favor of character depth. Who's not? Match was **...not really done at the best time, and not done right in the first place. Had they done this at a non-Rumble show, there definitely would've been more time. ___________________   Ashley knocks on Maria's door in a little time waster segment, and hey, SANTINO MARELLA opens it. YES! He says Maria's not interested in Ashley's boobie magazine. The end. ___________________   After a hype video, we now have Rey Mysterio vs. Edge w/Vickie Guerrero and his team of buddies for the World Heavyweight Championship.   Blow-by-Blow: I found it funny to see Rey get booed. I've got a feeling that I wasn't the only one who felt that way. Anyway, Rey gives Edge a hurricanrana at the start, and a dropkick, which gets a one count. Edge chokes Rey at the ropes and tosses him out...so his lackeys make their way over to beat on Mysterio. BUT, the referee tosses them out of the building, so that's not going to happen. Rey comes in with a flying headscissors to take Edge out of the ring, and a PESCADO. Back in now, with a Rey seated senton for a 2 count. Rey springs onto the second rope, but Edge kicks him in the knee, knocking him to the canvas. Edge applies a half-crab on the knee, before giving Rey a powerslam for a two count. Back to the leg, but Rey builds up some momentum and gives Edge a bulldog for two. Before Rey's attack, there was a lengthy dead period in the match. Just saying. After Edge misses a charge at Rey, Rey responds with a seated senton, which gets a two count. Rey comes off the top with a double stomp(!), but it only gets a two count. Rey rana's Edge to the floor now, and follows that with a DDT, which gets a two count when they get back in the ring. Edge responds with a big boot, but he misses a SPEAR. Rey puts Edge's face on the second rope, dial it up, 619, but a splash from up top does not get the victory, because Vickie Guerrero grabbed the official. Hey, she's the GM. She can do that if she wants. Rey tries to give Edge another 619, but Vickie jumps onto the apron and takes the hit, so now when Rey springboards in, Edge is ready to finish. SPEAR on the springboard, and Edge retains via pinfall at 12:34. Poor Vickie has to be wheeled out in her wheelchair...she's hurt, you see.   Match Analysis: Would've been very good if not for the dead period in the middle of the match, but hey, there was a dead period, so that's how I have to judge it. I know that in the past both could've had a great match against one another, but I don't know if Rey is capable of those things anymore. This was just average, but the finishing sequence was really fun. **1/2. ___________________   We go to the lockerroom now, as Ric Flair's coming out of the shower. Thankfully, wearing a towel. Anyway, Mr. Kennedy's in the room, and he says that he wants to retire Flair. Here's HBK, planting seeds asnd all that. He and Flair say that Kennedy ain't goin' anywhere with that gimmick. Now, here's Batista. Like I said, planting seeds. There's HHH too! HBK wants those two to settle down, because the guy that's going to win the Royal Rumble is the one currently wearing the HBK shirt that you can find on WWE.Com. Hey! ___________________   We've got one more segment before our big match though, which is Maria's KISS CAM. YAY! Yeah, we see people kissing and all that, until Ashley comes out. She wants to talk about Playboy, which naturally brings out Santino Marella. He runs down New York City quite well, and then brings his special guest into the ring. That fat dude who dances while wearing a speedo. Ugh.   WrestleMania XXIV promo, and then, Mike Adamle calls Jeff Hardy "Jeff Harvey." Unfortunately, that moment has been edited out. ___________________   Now, it's time for the match that was, well, as big a draw as a singles match at the Rumble could possibly be. And that is Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.   Blow-by-Blow: After the lock-up, Jeff takes Orton down with a shoulderblock, and then with a headlock. An inverted atomic drop followed by a legdrop to the nuts gets a two count for Jeff, but Orton gains some semblance of control by ramming Jeff into the buckle. Unfortunately, Jeff comes right back by clotheslining Orton over the top rope, and then baseball sliding him hard into the retaining wall at ringside. We call that a concussion. Anyway, Jeff follows Orton to the floor with a pescado, which causes Orton to rethink his gameplan. He'll just leave. He takes his belt and begins to walk away, but Hardy stops him and rams his face into the announce table. Orton gets tossed back in, but on Jeff's springboard attempt, Jeff gets dropkicked by Orton, which knocks him down to the floor. Orton suplexes Jeff on the outside, then in we go, for a two count. Orton's kneedrops also get a two count, and after both men trade blows, Jeff sends Orton to the outside. Jeff clotheslines Orton from the apron, but the eventual cover only gets a two count. Jeff misses a charge to the corner on the inside, but that only gets a two count for Orton. Now, we go to the chinlock. Of course, Orton's the one applying it. An Orton powerslam gets a two count, then back to the chinlock we go. Now we head towards the end, but we're not at the end, as Jeff is doing the usual offense that occurs when a guy gets out of a chinlock. Clotheslines and back elbows, but then a WHISPER IN THE WIND, which only gets 2. An enziguri is delivered to the head of Orton, and then, Jeff goes up top. Nope to the SWANTON, instead, Jeff missile dropkicks Orton, who's standing on the ring apron. That knocks him to the floor. A moonsault by Jeff to Orton on the floor barely even hits Orton, and now, both men go into the ring, slowly. Jeff tries the TWIST OF FATE, BAM, RKO instead, Orton with the pinfall victory at 14:06. Courtesy applause for Jeff...yeah yeah yeah.   Match Analysis: Finish wasn't the best...like I said before, I hate out of nowhere finishes. The rest of the match was average, definitely nothing you'd expect from main event level guys. Quite clearly, it was best that Jeff didn't go over. Smart thinking from WWE on that issue. **1/2. ___________________   It is now time for the ROYAL RUMBLE!   Blow-by-Blow: Yeah, it was pretty cool that Michael Buffer intro'd the thing, but I've seen him in person. No big deal. #1 is...THE UNDERTAKER. Big surprise, when watching it live. And #2 is SHAWN MICHAELS. YES! Shawn bumping around for Taker is always fun, and this doesn't disappoint. #3 is Santino Marella! He does some funny stuff, and after being kicked in the mouth, the Undertaker tosses him over the top and to the floor at 2:05. #4 is the Great Khali, who comes into the ring, only to be taunted with chants of "YOU CAN'T WRESTLE" from the MSG faithful. Thankfully, Taker gets rid of him too, at 4:43. #5 is Hardcore Holly, who proceeds to break Shawn Michaels nose. In return, Taker beats him up for ten minutes or so. I thought that was funny when watching it live...thinking that it couldn't possibly be a coincidence that Taker was so involved with someone so low on the card for so long. Also, Bob Holly's been in the WWE for fourteen years. Think about that for a second. Or not. Anyway, #6 is John Morrison. It sucked how the rest of the announcers cut Joey Styles off during the story he was going to tell about Morrison...really sucked. Anyway, Tommy Dreamer is #7, and some people mark out. But not me. #8 is Batista, who throws Dreamer out at 10:10. Well that didn't last long. #9 is Hornswoggle, who hides under the ring. He doesn't want any of that. Our #10 entrant Chuck Palumbo comes out, and does nothing, until Jamie Noble comes in at #11. Chuck kicks Noble out at 14:52, causing Noble to need help in order to get to the back. #12 is CM Punk, who knees Chuck out at 16:34. Thankfully. At #13 we have Cody Rhodes, and at #14, it's UMAGA. He SAMOAN SPIKES Holly out of the ring at 18:52, and then, our number 15 entrant, Snitsky, makes his way to the ring. #16 is the Miz and #17 is Shelton Benjamin, as clearly, there was a bit of a dead period. But at the same time, the intervals are only a bit longer than a minute, so I couldn't write down much in such a short time. Of course, when Shelton entered, he did some cool shit. Like leaping onto the top rope and dropping two opponents throat first onto said top rope. Why in the world doesn't WWE give this guy a push? Shawn superkicks him, which puts Shelton out at 23:07. Now, we've got our first surprise entrant. JIMMY SNUKA, #18! I marked like crazy. After Snuka hits everyone, #19 comes out. And that's ROWDY RODDY PIPER. Then I marked even more crazy! A Rumble moment to last for a long time occurs, as Piper and Snuka fight while the whole ring watches. Awesome. Now, #20 is Kane, who dumps both Snuka and Piper to the floor at 27:00. Aw. #21 is Carlito, who spits in the face of Cody Rhodes. Clearly he is not cool. #22 is Mick Foley, who, honestly, doesn't do a whole lot of anything when first entering the ring. But he does in a bit, something that most will like/liked. #23 is Kennedy, who gets chokeslammed, and as Big Daddy V enters at #24, we get a bunch of eliminations, starting at 32:21. Taker clotheslines Snitsky out, Michaels superkicks Taker out, and Kennedy bundles Michaels over the top. Whew. That was a tough sequence to recap. Taker puts Snitsky through the table with a legdrop, which also happened to make me laugh. Oh, you. #25 is Mark Henry, and shortly after his entrance, Hornswoggle comes out from under the ring and pulls The Miz over the top and to the floor at 34:39. #26 is Chavo Guerrero, showing how little the ECW Title means. I hated this. After Kane gives Morrison a big boot to knock him out at 36:06, and then, Mark Henry pulls Hornswoggle into the ring. That brings Finlay out (before it was time for him to enter), to hit everyone with a shillelagh. Unforunately, he's been disqualified for entering early, and I suppose Hornswoggle is disqualified for being the beneficiary of his interference, at 38:00. #28 is Elijah Burke, who has seemingly disappeared after this appearance. Odd. Anyway, Chavo suplexes Punk over the top and out at 39:20, before HHH enters at #29. He gets rid of Cody Rhodes at 40:16, Big Daddy V at 40:33, and then, he fights with Mick Foley. Hell yes to that, duh. HHH then tosses Foley into Burke, which eliminates the both of them at 40:58. Boo. Down to the last entrant, who is.....JOHN CENA. I'm not gonna lie, I flipped when watching this live. Carlito gets tossed out at 43:19, Chavo Guerrero goes out at 43:22, and Mark Henry goes out at 43:26, to much cheer. The big two square off, that being Cena and HHH. BUT, we've still got a few guys left, don't we? Batista clotheslines Kennedy and UMAGA over the top, eliminating him at 44:28 and 44:41, respectively. We're down to four, those four being Kane, HHH, Batista, and John Cena. Guess who goes out first. 44:53 was the time of that. Now that we've got HHH, Batista and John Cena in the ring together, yeah, that's WWE's biggest possible match. Don't be fooled into thinking otherwise. They all taunt each other, until they fight and HHH clotheslines Batista out at 47:18. Down to two, and the crowd is decidedly split. Boo, yeah, boo, yeah (HHH being cheered, Cena being booed)...but Cena gets the better of it. After the FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE, we get some finisher reversal, which ends in a double clothesline, knocking both men out. Not out of the ring, though. HHH gives Cena a DDT after another failed F-U try, then tries to slam Cena out and to the floor. Nope, Cena slips off HHH's shoulder, and F-U's him to the floor, to win the Rumble and go to WrestleMania No Way Out, for his title shot at the champion. Match ended at 51:30.   Match Analysis: As I've said before, surprises are a huge part of what makes a great Royal Rumble. I'll give this one ****, as really, there weren't dead periods with nothing going on, seeing as guys were constantly entering. And I'll give WWE credit for deviating from the norm. It's not usual to see so many top level guys enter early. A show saving match. ___________________   Rating: Decent. I can't in good conscience give this a good rating, but at the same time, I'll say that I was definitely happy to have ordered it, and I know that I'm going against things I've said in the past. You know, when I say things like, if I would've paid full price for the show, it's a good one? Well, I didn't pay full price for this, I paid half. So nyah.   Best Segment: The Royal Rumble. Usually is.   Worst Segment: Maria's Kiss Cam. I really hate when that fat dude comes into the ring and dances. Just, ugh. ___________________   I'll get the RAW and Nitro review from 7/14/97 up ASAP. Then Clash of the Champions XXXV, but I'm not going to review the Rey Mysterio DVD. Too much content that could be included in potential reviews, and I don't really like reviewing things like that.  
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Review: WWF from Madison Square Garden, 8/22/1987.

As I said, I didn't rate or review the matches from the house show posted at the beginning of the month. ___________________   Scott Casey vs. Tama is the first match, as Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary.   - I'm not too excited about this match, so there's going to be an evident lack of words. Tama has rabies, cause he's foaming at the mouth. Literally!   - A Tama splash off the second rope finishes things via pinfall at 11:24. 1/2* for a matchup in which little effort was put forth. ___________________   Tito Santana vs. Outlaw Ron Bass is next up...   - Tito attacks at the start, and then we see a wild brawl. The floor is really dirty, as you can see by the color of Tito's back, which is black. Bass' piledriver was funny, because Tito's head never came close to the canvas. Like, a foot away.   - We're going to the time limit. 19:49 is the end of the bout, after Tito knocks Bass to the floor with a flying forearm. We have a draw. Tito wanted 5 more minutes, but Bass said "no mas" and left. **1/2. Would've liked it more had there been a finish. ___________________ Velvet McIntyre is taking on Sensational Sherri for the Ladies' Title.   - Sherri's entrance attire (cape and all) makes her look like a superhero. Just sayin'.   - The match isn't very good, as I figured. That's too bad. We get to see a giant swing, which keeps me happy. While not good, this is better than Casey/Tama. Sherri pins McIntyre after a back suplex at 14:24. *. You read right, 14 minutes for a ladies match. It'll be easier to explain why as this continues. ___________________ Rick Martel vs. Haku w/Tama is right now...   - But we've got a bit of an argument here. Tito Santana joins us because he's got a problem with Tama being at ringside. So, Tama wants that dumb Mexican to leave. However, the referee wants BOTH Tama and Santana to leave. They do.   - Duke Doherty has joined us for commentary. Thankfully, he's nowhere near as bad as he was on that Houston show I reviewed a while back.   - Tama hits Martel with a steel chair, allowing Haku to pick up the victory at 9:18. **. A stretcher comes out, but Martel leaves without using it. ___________________   Andre the Giant comes out, but doesn't get into the ring, because the fans were booing him. He then leaves. ___________________   The lumberjacks are out, and they consist of almost everyone with matches on the show. Ok, not almost everyone, but many of them. Those guys are...Tito Santana, the Islanders, George Steele, Junkyard Dog, Jose Estrada, Lanny Poffo, Ron Bass and Scott Casey. A jobberific roster to be sure, which explains how the ladies match and so many others ran/run so long.   The match they're lumberjacking in is Ricky Steamboat vs. Honky Tonk Man w/Jimmy Hart for the Intercontinental Championship.   - The entrances were during the commercial break, which sucks. This is a good excuse to have Santana fight with the Islanders.   - Good stuff we have here. Steamboat goes for the end, but Jimmy Hart distracts the referee, so we don't have a pinfall. For some reason, George Steele came into the ring and counted the fall, so the referee's gotta send him out. While the referee is doing that, Steamboat hits Jimmy Hart, which leaves the megaphone in the ring. Honky waffles Steamboat with it, and we've got a victor via pinfall at 11:40. ***. After the bout, much like in most lumberjack matches, we've got a free for all. Noice. The o in that word was deliberate. Just say it out loud. ___________________   After Gorilla Monsoon interviews Duke Doherty and I wonder why, I suddenly remember that intermission is usually after the real main event. So, we've got a few of these.   Next, with Superstar Billy Graham. I love his promo style.   A terrible promo with Butch Reed and Slic follows...   Last, Gorilla Monsoon is with the Junkyard Dog and George "the Animal" Steele. ___________________ Superstar Billy Graham vs. Butch Reed w/Slick is on...   - Graham's body looks like Hogan's circa 2002. Not in a good way. He can't take a flat-back bump, so he shouldn't be wrestling. As a result, the match sucks.   - Slick hits Graham with his cane, to end things at 8:58. -*. Both guys fight, until it gets broken up by Pat Patterson and Gorilla Monsoon. You read that last name right. On the way in, he elbowed Slick to the canvas. That was the only redeemable aspect of that situation. Both guys were DQ'd. ___________________   Lanny Poffo vs. Jose Estrada is next...I fastforwarded. Poffo won. ___________________ Our main event is...Demolition vs. The Junkyard Dog and George "the Animal" Steele.   - Ok, this is really going to suck. We all know it.   - The match could not possibly be slower. Steele hits Smash with a chair, getting his team disqualified at 6:10. At least it was short. DUD. ___________________   Rating: Bad. Too many DUD'y matches.   Best Segment: Steamboat/Honky   Worst Segment: Graham vs. Reed. ___________________   You see, this was the WWF's "B" roster. The "C" roster's show on the same day was headlined by...Paul Orndorff vs. Harley Race, and Jake Roberts vs. King Kong Bundy. The "A" roster's show had matches like Ted DiBiase vs. Davey Boy Smith, The Hart Foundation vs. Kamala and Sika, and Hulk Hogan vs. Killer Khan. The roster was in need of strengthening. Thankfully, that would come soon after, with guys moving up the card, people like Rick Rude coming in, etc...   No Way Out 2008 review will be up before or on Tuesday.  
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So, when is the media going to let it go?

Of course, by it, I mean the Lakers-Suns series.   First of all, why is ESPN reporting this, "One story circulating among the Suns is that Bryant strongly encouraged teammates not to linger on the floor after the final buzzer for post-series handshakes"? Kobe can't "force" anyone to do anything. Unless you believe that woman from Eagle, CO, in which case you can freely believe she's correct. Not my problem.   Secondly, why the fuck are the Suns still thinking about this? Focus on your next series, don't worry about the Lakers anymore. They're going to get smoked tonight if they're still thinking about #8..er..#24.   I expect them to demolish the Clippers, thanks for asking.   Lakers offseason. Oh man, Mitch Kupchak is going to fuck this up. He always does. Let's spend our Full MLE on Vlade Divac. OOPS, we'll buy him out at the tune of 2 million. Let's try Aaron Mckie. OOPS. Those two didn't even play a full 6 games combined. Oh well, that's Mitchell.   Wants, I'm going to be very realistic and stick within possibilities.   Melvin Ely Al Harrington (Sign and trade. More feasible than it sounds, very need based from ATL's perspective. They know they aren't keeping him. If the Lakers do this, the 07-08 plan goes right into the shitter. That's what I want, I'm sick of fucking plans. First with my hockey team, now this? Fuck that shit.) Marcus Banks Reggie Evans (I'm serious.) Brevin Knight   Do not wants.   Carlos Boozer Bobby Jackson. (Would almost be worth it just to keep him from killing LA again.) Sam Cassell (Iffy on this one.)     Pipedreams Iverson. I don't know why, I just love this guy's passion for the game. I'd rather they didn't trade for Garnett unless they get presented with something that doesn't involve Bynum. It won't happen.      
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I need to look for work....AGAIN.

I don't have a problem with my job, but I've gotta find a different place to work. The managers ride me so hard that I feel like Secretariat. Embarass me in front of customers, the whole nine yards.   I applied to work at a new store, and I was hired with the belief that I would be working there when it opened. I went up to the front to ask when the new store would be opened, and if I was going to be going to work there, as my co-workers had told me that I may not be going. I was ignored....blown off, like I wasn't allowed to ask. I didn't think I was being rude, or asking anything that I shouldn't be asking. Apparently, I was. I don't ask for a whole lot at work. I don't care about my pay, and I don't care about the hours that I have to work, or how hard (or easy) my work is. I try to get in, collect my paycheck and do my shit, and get out. The only thing that I want is a modicum of respect, or at least a slight inclination that my superiors care about my work. I've never complained once, about anything that they've asked me to do.   They don't fucking care, so why should I? I don't have to be treated like shit, because I don't have bills to pay and wouldn't be in financial trouble if I quit. SO, I filled out some applications today. It felt pretty fucking good, looking for a different place to work. The only thing that I'm afraid of, is that it's going to be the same way everywhere I go. The sad thing is, I know it's always going to be this way, and yet I get my hopes up over nothing. I really don't know what to do. I can't go back to sitting here all day doing nothing, I'd go fucking nuts.   I'm just really confused. The only thing that I'm sure of is that I won't be working at my store for very much longer. I don't need to be treated like shit. After that, everything's in the air.
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Review: ECW...?/?/??, from the ECW Arena.

The date on the program description is wrong. You can't have a show air on 1/4 when the footage was shot on 1/5, obviously. I'll do the logical thing and say this is a 1/11/96 review, not that I'll title it as such.   To start with, before the entire program, WWE put in a video package of The Pitbulls.   I don't review the Tazz/Styles portions of the show where they talk about the past, so we skip ahead to the program.   ___________________   Flashback to "last week", as we have Stevie Richards and Blue Meanie in the back cutting a promo and all of a sudden, THE FUCKING FRANCHISE SHANE DOUGLAS makes his re-debut, as he wonders what the hell happened to ECW...   I believe that would apply to the present as well. ___________________   Now, to the "present," and Joey Styles is in the ring, as he usually is, to introduce the show, of course. Bill freaking Alfonso comes out to the ring, blowing his whistle and screaming about Taz not getting any respect. I love Alfonso's whistle gimmick. Taz then confronts Joey and says he's sick of this shit. He wants to beat Joey's ass. 911 and Tod Gordon come out, Tod attacks Joey and the refs get in-between 911 and Taz. Thank God, I don't want to see that shitty match. Some wrestlers come out to help the officials, as the fans chant "Let them go."   I say, "How about no." They separate, but El Puerto Ricano is in the ring, wearing a shirt that says, "Fonzie Must Die." Well then, Taz sees the shirt, and Tazplexes the guy RIGHT ON HIS HEAD. 911 hits the ring again as a result, but the Eliminators come out and Totally Eliminate him, dude. Jason's with them and he's full of laughs, until Rey Mysterio hits the ring, that is. What the fuck happened to THIS Rey Mysterio, he's all over the place, flying and taking out Kronus and Saturn. I guess we have a tag match, with The Eliminators against Rey and 911. Never once was anything mentioned about a match, until about a minute into their fight. So I don't have a time. Taz comes back to the ring and chokes 911 out with his towel, and I've gotta say, make up your fucking mind. Go to the ring and stay there, or go to the back and stay there. Rey and Saturn are brawling on the outside, and afterward, Kronus gives Rey a bodyslam in the ring. A standing moonsault gets 2 for Kronus. 911 suplexes Saturn in the ring, and at the same time, Kronus gives Rey a powerbomb. Total Elimination on 911 and Taz is back to choke 911 some more. Perry Saturn powerbombs Rey, then the Eliminators whip Rey into the ropes, but get double DDT'd for their trouble. 911 finds his way back to the ring, and Rey goes onto his shoulders for a chickenfight. Saturn goes up for the Eliminators, and Rey jumps to the other side and rana's Saturn off for the pinfall. I liked that spot.   After the match, Rey is Totally Eliminated, and the Pitbulls hit the ring. They look pissed. Francine attacks Jason, but she is also Totally Eliminated. That's the end of that until Jason hits one of the Pitbulls with a steel chair, and they bail soon afterward. Damage Control are out, and Francine does a stretcher job. Totally overbooked trash. Entertaining overbooked trash, that is. **. I can only take so much of that, though. Also, that's 911's last match in ECW for a while, and he only made a one show appearance a few years later. End of a chokeslamming era.   ___________________   ECW then cuts to Styles, as he introduces a segment where Jimmy Del Ray accepts Mr. Hughes as his bodyguard, after him being offered Mr. Hughes by Damien Caine. Whatever.   The match is Buh Buh Ray Dudley w/the rest of the Dudleys vs. "Gigolo" Jimmy Del Ray w/Curtis Hughes.   Buh Buh can't say his name, as I'm sure most of us know. Del Ray dropkicks him as he's trying to stammer it out, and we're underway. Buh Buh dumps Jimmy, and begins to dance. Very entertaining, even though the wrestling on these shows really lacks. Clipjob, and we come back with a Dudley avalanche for a 2 count. Swinging DDT from the top by Del Ray, then Hughes gets on the apron. Buh Buh's DDT finishes at a clipped 2:45. 3/4*. Buh Buh's music isn't dubbed, thank goodness, and that's cut once Shane Douglas makes a surprise appearance at the ECW Arena. He wants to teach Buh Buh some English, and slaps the taste out of Buh Buh's mouth. And that's that.   ___________________   A useless Rey Mysterio promo...   ___________________   And now, we have what this episode is famous for. The Beulah pregnancy angle. I have to say, this shit does not hold up at all. I was almost embarassed to be watching it. I'm not going to recap it. This kind of shit is what inspired Russo to do his Crash TV garbage, so this is one of my least favorite things I've seen in the wrestling business. What some people call, "pushing the envelope," others call trash. I'm in the group that calls it trash. It just doesn't hold up whatsoever, and I wanted to get that off my chest now. I won't say anything negative about it from now on.   ___________________   My spiel about this show....overbooked. The last episode was far better. If someone watched this episode and called ECW, "Extremely Crappy Wrestling," I wouldn't disagree. Buh Buh's gimmick is really funny, so it gives this show a higher rating than I would give it otherwise.       My rating: Decent. I was entertained, but I couldn't handle it for more than 45 minutes, the length of the episode. The pregnancy angle kinda put a downer on this episode, IMO.
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Review: WWF Monday Night Raw, 3/31/97, from Peoria, Illinois.

We all know which episode this is, and I'm looking forward to it...   ___________________     We start things off with a European Title match, and it's the challenger, Owen Hart, facing off against the champion, The British Bulldog.   Prematch: Owen always has his Slammy's, of course. This match came about because of the two participants pull-apart last week on RAW.   Blow-by-blow: Once Bulldog gets near the ring, Owen baseball slides into him. Owen beats Bulldog up on the outside, and claims that the European Title is HIS BELT. Owen tosses Bulldog in, then hits him with a springboard crossbody for a 2 count. Owen then hits Bulldog with a low blow and some mounted punches, and he follows that with a whip into the turnbuckle and clothesline for a 2 count. Chinlock time, and when Bulldog powers out, he gets kneed in the midsection off a whip. Owen goes for the SHARPSHOOTER, but that's not happenin'. Back to the Owen chinlock, but a Bulldog rollup gets a 2 count. Then a Bulldog backslide gets two, and Owen ends Davey's run with a standing dropkick and piledriver. Now we go to a   commercial break   and as we come back, we see that Owen landed an elbow drop from the top rope during the break, and nearly won the match and title. An Owen suplex gets a 2 count, and back to the chinlock again. Up to the top, but Owen misses a dropkick. BULLDOG goes for the SHARPSHOOTER, but Owen delivers an enziguri to the back of the head. The match is really starting to pick up. Owen backflips off the top after Bulldog fights off a superplex attempt, and Owen knocks Bulldog out of the ring. On the floor, Bulldog catches Owen after Owen attempts to deliver a plancha. Bulldog slams him into the guardrail, and clotheslines him twice. Then, Bulldog slingshots Owen into the turnbuckle and gets a 2 count on the cover. A really bad blown backdrop by Bulldog nearly ends up with Owen landing on his head, but they repeat the spot, then Owen gets dumped. Bulldog suplex Owen on the steel entranceway ramp, and back in the ring, press slams Owen for a 2 count. Ref bump after an Owen leapfrog over a charging Bulldog, and that's the last we see of him. Owen goes out to grab a chair, but Bret Hart comes down the aisle, to keep him from using it. Bret grabs a microphone, and he wants to know where their family values have gone. Bret tells them they're doing what "these Americans" want them to do. He also says that the US loves to turn families against each other. And they group hug, as the Hart Foundation forms. How sweet. Match ran about 13 minutes...   Match analysis: Well, the match was solid, but that wasn't the point. IT's all about the angle, brudda. And you know what, it worked well. The whole segment is a **** segment. The match is **3/4, and the 1/4 is subtracted because of the blown backdrop that could have killed Owen. ___________________   Sunny comes down to the ring for guest commentary...and it's for a match between El Mosco and Super Nova.   The match is sorta drab, but Sunny's commentary where she generally acts like a whore is funny. I like how she calls JR fat, using Spanish. Nothing really to see here, a blown spot or two, and Mosco finishes with a springboard moonsault at 3:53. *1/4. Spare me. To be honest, almost every AAA match that the WWF imported sucked. ___________________   LOD has an interview in the ring where they tell the Harts they shouldn't disrespect the USA. But, the interview was so bad that I couldn't wait for them to finish. It's about their title match against Owen and Bulldog at IYH: Revenge of the Taker. ___________________   Wow. It's Jesse Jammes vs. an unnamed Jobber. His name is Jerry Fox, apparently.   Jesse's singing, and it, along with his theme and ring attire, are awful. AWFUL. That's gotta be embarrasing to do that, and he looks nothing like the man he would soon become. It's a squash, Jammes atomic drops Fox, clotheslines him from the ring apron, and finishes with the Pumphandle Slam at 1:37. 1/4*. Honky likes him and gives Jesse the guitar, but Jesse destroys it. He says the guitar is "out of tune." Keep that shit off my television. ___________________   The NATION OF DOMINATION comes out, and it's Savio Vega and Crush vs. two unnamed jobbers. And this time, I'm not looking it up. When they disposed of squashes on RAW, the world reaped the benefits. Shawn's on the phone to speak his mind, as Crush gives one of the guys a double backbreaker, and then he tosses him over his head. Big back suplex by Crush, then a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker follows. And we finish with Demolition Decapitation at 3:16. 1/2*. Waste of time. ___________________   A Ken Shamrock vignette follows, as he has an exhibition next week against an unnamed opponent. ___________________   And it's hour TWO. Paul Bearer has something to say, and his entrance music is African-ish. He wants The Undertaker to take him back. Well, The Undertaker comes out to the ring, and locks the casket set-up at ringside to make sure there's no surprises. Taker says he may be able to forgive Paul, but he'll never be able to forget. He hands Paul Bearer the WWF Title, but then punches Paul's lights out. Taker grabs the urn off the casket, but Mankind comes out from under the ring and lights a fireball near Taker's eye. TAKER CAN'T SEE BAH GAWD, and SID comes out to chase Mankind backstage. My initial reaction to that was, WTF?   Back from a commercial break, and Sid tells Mankind that he's going to burn in hell. OK. ___________________   Now, there are no managers allowed, for the Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust match.   Prematch: No usual Goldust entrance, he only has his wig on. He runs to the ring, and here we go.   Blow-by-blow: Goldust pounds on HHH (fuck Helmsley, it's HHH), HHH does his upside down thing after getting whipped into the buckle, and then he does that Harley race thing where he flies out of the ring after being whipped into the buckle. He perfected it later on when he did it so his face would always hit the guardrail. Back in, and Goldust bumps into HHH with his ass. He misses a crossbody, so HHH takes over for a while. H slams him on the ramp, then goes inside the ring and does that gay courtsey thing. When both men are back in, HHH hits Goldy with a high knee. He chokes Goldust with his boot, and gives him a swinging neckbreaker for a 2 count. A suplex and kneedrop get another 2 count. To the chinlock, until a Goldust crossbody gets a 2 count. This match is pretty slow. A HHH DDT gets a 2 count, and they trade rights until Goldust is dumped by HHH. Chyna's at the stage, and at the same time that we notice him, uh.....er, her, HHH dives to the outside off the 2nd turnbuckle.   commercial break   and we come back with news that Sid will be facing Mankind next week. Does not happen. Anyway, Chyna makes her way to the ring, as Goldust gives HHH the Curtain Call. She beats up some officials, and HHH starts fighting with Pat Patterson. Patterson's giving it to him, and then Chyna beats him up. Goldust and Chyna stare off, and that's it for that. 9:51 is the time, of the cut match.   Match analysis: A decent match, but this feud dragged on way too long. At this point, they'd been feuding for the whole year. Could have been better, cause this was slow. *1/2. I really like Goldust, and I like some of the work that HHH did later on. ___________________   Stone Cold Steve Austin comes to the ring, and Vince is in the squared circle conducting the interview. He calls Ken Shamrock deaf, says that Bret Hart couldn't do a damn thing to him, and that Bret's a piece of trash. Steve's not changin' for anyone, and all he wants to do is whip some ass. Bret comes out on the Titantron, and he says he already beat Stone Cold's ass, and Bret says he's done with Steve Austin. Steve calls Bret a piece of crap, and Bret storms off. ___________________ In the main event, we have an INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE bout, the challenger is Bret "The Hitman" Hart, and the champion is Rocky Miavia.   Prematch: An announcement is made before this match that Bret Hart will be facing Sid at Revenge of the Taker. Again, no. Does not happen. This is the low point of the Intercontinental Title, IMO. Rocky is not over, and this match has absolutely no heat.   Blow-by-blow: The two wrestlers lock up, and Bret takes Rocky over with a headlock. Tony Atlas is in the crowd, hey guy! Bret grabs Rocky's arm and works it over, then a Rocky crossbody gets a 2 count. Both men kip-up after headlock takeovers, and Bret delivers a knee to the midsection of Rocky. Boot to the midsection by Bret, and he rakes Rocky's eyes across the ropes. An inverted atomic drop and clothesline follow, and then we have a Bret Hart russian legsweep. Now we go to a   commercial break   and we come back to an image of Bret headbutting Rocky in the back. Then in the head. Bret with a backbreaker after a back suplex, but he misses his usual 2nd rope elbow. Rocky with a few right hands, and a fisherman's suplex of his gets two. Whoa. Where did that move come from, and why didn't he use it later in his career. A belly-to-belly suplex by Rocky gets two, and his swinging DDT puts Bret out long enough for Rocky to climb up to the top rope. Bret rolls through his flying body press and gets two, and Bret then applies the ringpost figure-four. Unfortunately, he gets disqualified. So Rocky wins the match, and retains his title, at 10:31. Bret won't let go, so Austin comes down to MAKE him let go. Too bad for him though, Owen Hart and the British Bulldog attack him, but the Legion of Doom chase the Hart Foundation into the crowd. End of that, and the end of the show.   Match analysis:Good, old school wrestling match. But even I can't deny that the match was hurt by the lack of heat. I liked it, though. I don't know how much of it was a carryjob, it was really good from all sides. Also a nice way to end the show, too. **1/2 for the match, even though I feel like going a little higher.   ___________________   As for a show rating, on this (Great, good, above-average, decent, poor, bad, absolutely terrible) scale, it's a GOOD show. Almost great, but it dragged. Any TV show with two 10 minute long, almost *** matches is good, IMO.   Rating: Good   Best Match: Owen v. Bulldog   Worst Match: Jesse Jammes vs. Jerry Fox   ___________________   To note, star ratings aren't everything when it comes to Worst and Best matches on a TV show. Other things come into factor.   'Til next time...
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Review: WCW Monday Nitro, 3/31/97, from Roanoke, Virginia.

The NWO have arrived.... ___________________   Anyway, the first match is Lex Luger and The Giant vs. Roadblock and Rick Fuller. Giant chops Fuller HARD early on in the corner, clotheslines him, then tags in Luger. Luger goes up to the 2nd rope, and comes down hard with a double axehandle. Fuller pokes Luger in the eye, and tags in Roadblock. Roadblock with a big avalanche, and some other shitty oldschool offense. Roadblock misses an elbow drop from the 2nd rope, and The Giant is on his way in. Superkick by the Giant (wtf) and then Giant clotheslines both of his opponents. The CHOKESLAM and POWER RACK, OMG finish at 5:00. After the match, Harlem Heat run in and attack Luger and the Giant. There's a 4 way match at Spring Stampede, see. *1/4. Harlem Heat then have an interview, they're the Patriots cause they get no respect, and Sherri says they will divide and conquer on Sunday. Whatever. ___________________   Now there's a women's match that I'm not rating, because the incompetent commentary team didn't tell me who they were. Not only that, I don't rate women's squash matches. A regular match is different. This is part of a "Ladies Cruiserweight Title" tournament, and I can only assume this angle was dropped, because the crowd just doesn't care. ___________________   Villano IV vs. Psychosis is the next match...and both wrestlers do a lucha sequence where they armdrag each other and kip-up. To the chinlock we go, until Villano decides he wants to rana Psychosis. Psychosis with a spinning heel kick to knock Villano to the floor, and he follows that by going up to the top and getting a HUGE corkscrew moonsault, landing on Villano IV, on the floor. Backstage, the NWO is having some problems. Hogan, Hall, Bischoff, DiBiase, and Vincent are at Dennis Rodman's movie premiere. VK Wallstreet is the one with problems...back to the ring, and Villano gives Psychosis a fisherman belly-to-belly suplex. Strange move. He misses a moonsault, and a Psychosis superkick and guillotine legdrop finish at 4:25. *3/4, could have been better. ___________________   RIC FUCKIN' FLAIR is on his way to the ring, for an interview with Mean Gene, and Roddy Piper eventually joins them. Flair wants to go party with Piper, and Piper says ok. Then they leave. That.was.pointless. ___________________   Prince Iaukea vs. LA PARKA is the next match, and it's for Prince's TV Title. La Parka misses a charge toward the turnbuckle, but he comes back with a spinning heel kick. Both guys REALLY blow a springboard moonsault spot, and La Parka could have really hurt Iaukea there. Prince charged in toward the turnbuckle and nearly was met with a flying knee to the top of the head. Idiot. It was his fault, IMO. Anyway, a La Parka senton bomb (senton is no flip, remember) gets a 2 count. A double jump moonsault by La Parka gets the same. Somehow both guys wind up on the outside, and Prince springboards off the ropes with a body press. La Parka has his chair, cause he's chairman of WCW. He sits Prince down in the chair, and does a suicide dive onto him. Prince superkicks La Parka back on the inside, but misses a crossbody. La Parka kicks the chair onto Prince, and then he does some Sabu thing where he uses the chair to springboard and jump into Prince. A Prince crossbody off the top rope out of nowhere gets the pin at around 5:05. Way too many blown spots. 3/4*. ___________________   The next match is Lord Steven Regal vs. Chris Jericho, and prior to the match, Regal has some words for the people out there. Rey Mysterio's a dwarf, and Rey will get the first shot at the TV Title if Regal wins it at Spring Stampede. The crowd chants USA, which makes me laugh for obvious reasons, and Regal begins the bout with some mat wrestling, and a drop toe hold. Jericho clotheslines him, and gives him a spinning heel kick. A springboard dropkick and suplex follows from Jericho, and he's in control. A lionsault from Jericho gets a two count, and Regal gives him a stiff kick to the midsection. Jericho then rolls up Regal at 2:27 for THE WIN! I'm very surprised. *. Regal attacks Jericho post match, he gives him a huge halfnelson suplex off the top turnbuckle. whoa. A piledriver and the Regal Stretch follows, and the Renegade and Joe Gomez come out to help Jericho, but Renegade doesn't want to. What the hell? Gomez gets piledriven, and Lenny Lane and Billy Kidman come out and try to help. But they can't. The beatdown was fun... ___________________   This is hour two...and we find out that VK Wallstreet is leaving...and there's another women's match I'm not reviewing or rating. Akira Hokuto is in this one, and post-match, Hokuto attacks Madusa. Following that, there's a video package highlighting the past of Sting. And this package shows how far behind WCW is compared to WWE in this sense. ___________________   The next match is the Amazing French Canadians w/Col. Robert Parker vs. Jeff Jarrett and Mongo McMichael w/Debra. OH CANADA, OUR HOME AND NATIVE LAND. Sorry. This match really, really sucks. Mongo chopblocks the AFC's, and Public Enemy hits the ring. They try to take the Haliburton briefcase, but Robert Parker winds up with it, and he tosses it in to Jacques Rougeau, who hits Mongo with it for the win at 3:00. Just, no. DUD. Mean Gene comes to the ring, and Mongo wants to know why Jeff has the briefcase. He thinks Jeff was the one that hit him with it. ___________________   DDP is facing off against a guy my brother said was named Lance Ringo..and it ends quick with a DIAMOND CUTTER out of a firemans carry position. It kinda looked like an F-5. 1:43 is the time, and 1/2* is the rating. Randy Savage is in the crowd with a mic, and he says he finally found out what DDP's name was. But he's still wonderin' if DDP has family jewels. Oh, you. ___________________   The last match is The Steiner Brothers vs. High Voltage. I love the Steiners music. STEINERLINE! It's so overly corny. Scott starts with a pumphandle slam, and Rick comes in with a STEINERLINE. RUFF, RUFF, RUFF (just doin' the Rick thing). Rick with a release German suplex, and Rage rams Rick's head into the ringpost. Rick has a problem with his head, see, so he's hurt. A Kaos neckbreaker follows, and Rage comes in and misses a springboard rolling senton. He almost jumped all the way out of the ring, lol. Scott's in, an overhead belly-to-belly, press slam and the STEINER SCREWDRIVER finishes at 3:30. I love that move, so the match gets * as a result. ___________________   The NWO invade the broadcast table now, and Nash will fight WCW by himself if the other NWO members don't want to show up.   End of show ___________________   That sucked. Sucked dick. From now on, I'm not going to give Nitro a full review unless there's something important, like a title change, or important match or angle. There was literally nothing here except for some matches. NOTHING. It's a waste of my time to type all this up unless there's something worth doing so, for. Here's what it'll look like next time if nothing good happens.   Steiners vs. High Voltage: *, good Steiner Scredriver in there led to a Steiners win   DDP vs. Lance Ringo: 1/2*, inventive Diamond Cutter...   ___________________   Yeah, like that. Hopefully, I don't have to, because I want to be entertained and given something worth watching.   Rating: Bad.   Best match: Lord Steven Regal vs. Chris Jericho: the one time on the show something good happened.   Worst match: Jeff Jarrett and Mongo McMichael vs. The Amazing French Canadians.   Until next time...
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Review: NWA Halloween Havoc 1989, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 10/28/89.

I've seen a lot of people bitching about the way this show is edited, and I'd like to say that I find all those people to be complaining about a whole lot of nothing. It's not important. As long as a show has all the matches and all the commentary, I'm fine with it. The rest is unnecessary, as although I'd like to see it, I'll live with it, and like it anyway.   ___________________   Now, for the review.   Jim Ross and Bob Caudle are the hosts from the Civic Center in Philadelphia, and they're pretty good ones too. As there aren't any entrances, the usual prematch part will be left off my review. ___________________   We start things off in the ring with Gary Michael Cappetta, and the first match is The Z Man vs. Captain Mike Rotunda. Rotunda is of course, the future Irwin R. Schyster.   Blow-by-blow: The two men lockup, and Rotunda gets an amateur style takedown of Zenk from behind. Zenk rebounds with a headlock and two shoulderblocks, afterwards, Rotunda bails to the outside. Back in, and Rotunda gets a hipblock. He then misses an elbow drop, and Zenk follows with a dropkick, so Rotunda bails again. Rotunda with a knee and a thumb to the eye, then he tosses Zenk out of the ring. JR says the ladies came up with the Z Man name. O RLY? Zenk comes in with a sunset flip for 2, and grabs onto Rotunda's arm with a hammerlock. The ropes lead to a break of the hold, and Zenk with a headlock takeover next. Rotunda with a headscissor on the mat, and he cheats using the ropes. He gets caught when he tries again, so the hold is broken. Rotunda throws Zenk out under the top rope, and slams Zenk's head into the apron. Rotunda with a kick to the back of the head of Zenk, and a suplex in for a 2 count. Rotunda with an abdominal stretch as he holds the ropes, but the referee catches him, so he goes to a chinlock. Zenk attempts a comeback, but Rotunda finishes that with a good clothesline. Rotunda misses a dropkick and Zenk gets a back elbow, but Rotunda gives him a rake to the eyes in an attempt to slow Zenk down. Rotunda attempts a springboard crossbody block, but The Z Man rolls through it for the pinfall at 13:22.   Match Analysis: It was a solid match, and although I don't believe that the crowd cared for either man, they seemed to be into it. It was missing something though, so my rating is *3/4. It was slow, I didn't mind that. But the finish kinda came out of nowhere. ___________________   Chris Cruise is with our Guest Referee for the main event, Bruno Sammartino. He talks about the Thunderdome match, and how he won't take any crap. The usual. ___________________   The next contest is a 6-Man Tag Team attraction. We have the Samoan Swat Team & The Samoan Savage w/Sir Oliver Humperdink vs. The Midnight Express (Stan Lane and Bobby Eaton version) and "Dr. Death" Steve Williams w/Jim Cornette. Yes, it's weird seeing Cornette in the same corner as Steve Williams. Anyhow...   Blow-by-blow: Lane starts off with a backdrop on the Savage, and then he clotheslines the Savage over the top rope. I'll enlighten the reader of this with some information in case they didn't know, the Samoan Savage is Tama of the Islanders. Moving on from that, the Midnight Express hit one of those fat asses with a double backelbow, and now Samu comes in after a Savage eye gouge. He misses an elbow drop on Eaton, and chops him a few times. Samu then misses an avalanche, and Steve Williams is on his way in. The crowd loves him, too. Williams with right hands and clotheslines for everyone, and all the Samoans bail out. Fatu is the Samoan that decides to get in the ring with Williams and Williams clotheslines him, and football tackles all the Samoans. Bobby Eaton comes in, and applies an armbar on Fatu, then Stan Lane comes in. Fatu with a clothesline on Lane after Lane's failed hiptoss attempt, and Samu comes in with a dropkick. Dr. Death soon follows, and Samu eats a clothesline. Williams with a legdrop, and Eaton comes in with a big flying clothesline. That gets 2. Samu attempts a monkeyflip, but Eaton elbows him. Both Lane and Fatu are tagged in, and Fatu gets a falldown slam. He misses an elbowdrop, though, and Bobby Eaton tags in, along with the Samoan Savage. Eaton gets crotched into the ringpost after an attempt at a bulldog, and then Samu and Fatu crotch him on the guardrail outside. Fatu beels Eaton HARD on the concrete, and after Eaton recovers, he sunset flips the Savage inside for a 2 count. Savage with a chop, and Fatu comes in. The SST's come in and clothesline Eaton, as he's the heat magnet du-jour. A Fatu headbutt gets two, and he goes to the nervehold. Fatu with a clothesline and then Samu comes in with a legdrop and headbutt for 2. Fatu in with a headbutt and the SST's kick Eaton in the nuts with the referee distracted, and then the Savage tags back in. A sideslam gets two, and then the Savage goes up to the top. He misses a pump splash, and the hot tag goes to Steve Williams. And the crowd just LOVES it, as Williams is a HOUSE OF DEATH. That was terrible, sorry. Williams with a double axhandle off the top, a LARIAT, and a press slam. A scoop slam and powerslam get a 2 count, and Lane comes in with a swinging neckbreaker on the Savage, and an enziguri. Cornette hits Humperdink with his tennis racked, but Lane and Cornette collide with each other, and the Samoan Savage gets the pin for his team at 18:16.   Match Analysis: See, at first, I thought this was a **1/2 match. But after thinking about it, it was a little better than that. The crowd heat is a large part of the *** rating. They were wild for Williams, and Eaton's heat sequence was really good. Really, really good. ___________________   Gordon Solie is with Terry Funk and Gary Hart backstage, and Hart says the J-Tex Corporation NEVER quits, and that Flair is going to fry when they get inside the Thunderdome tonight. ___________________   The next contest is "Wildfire" Tommy "4 Days" Rich vs. The Cuban Assassin. Wildfire is a really shitty nickname. FIDEL SIERRA!!!   Blow-by-blow: The Assassin attacks, and throws Rich into the turnbuckle. Rich slams the Assassin twice and the Cuban bails. The crowd just shits all over Rich for the duration of this match, and the match is so bad that I'm having a hard time re-writing everything again. Cuban Assassin gets a springboard crossbody for a 2 count, and Rich follows that with an "ugly as fuck" sunset flip for a 2 count of his own. Yes, the quoted is what I said aloud while watching that move take place. The crowd starts a "BORING" chant, but it doesn't get too loud. I'm thinking please take the match home while watching Rich do nothing but armdrags and punches, but I don't get what I want. Rich backdrops Assassin after the Cuban attempts a piledriver, but Assassin suplexes him. After Rich crotches the Assassin, Rich does an ugly back elbow. The Cuban tries another springboard crossbody, but this time he misses, and Rich does a Lou Thesz Press for the pinfall at 8:25.   Match Analysis: Just fastforward. It's not -*'s because I usually get enjoyment out of negative starred matches. In this case, it was completely unenjoyable. And that's my criteria for a DUD. ___________________   Gordon Solie's with the Fabolous Freebirds, unfortunately they have nothing to say, but lo and behold, they're a part of the next match. See, they're the NWA Tag Team Champions, and they're taking on the Dynamic Dudes, who're managed by Jim Cornette. The Dynamic Dudes are a mullet-clad Shane Douglas and Johnny Ace, and the Freebirds are Michael fuckin' Hayes and Jimmy Garvin, for those that don't know.   Blow-by-blow: Hayes struts at the beginning and the crowd just eats it up. The Philadelphia crowd is in love, LOVE, with The Freebirds. Hayes armdrags Douglas, and then headlocks him. Hayes with a sunset flip that Douglas reverses for a 1 count, and Hayes chops Shane. We soon see how GREEN Douglas is, as he absolutely blows a spot where Hayes comes off the ropes. It was REALLY bad. Douglas headlocks Hayes and gives him a swinging neckbreaker, and then both Garvin and Ace come in. Ace with a dropkick and armdrag, as Douglas comes back in with an armbar. Shane with a backdrop, and Hayes comes in. Shane with a wristlock reversal, and Ace comes off the top rope with an axhandle as he's tagged in. Ace with a powerslam, and the Dudes clear the ring with a double dropkick. The fans just boo the SHIT out of them, and as the Birds get settled down, Douglas reapplies the armbar. Ace with a face smash for a 2 count, and then a headlock on Garvin. Ace with a backdrop and he headscissors Hayes over as he takes Garvin over with a headlock. Ace with a headlock and then a shoulderblock on Garvin, and a roll-up of Garvin gets a 2 count. The Dudes playing to the crowd like babyfaces is beyond annoying. Not a soul is cheering for them, they're being booed. Loudly. Hayes clocks Ace in the head from the apron, and Garvin gives him a back suplex. Garvin kicks Ace in the back, and Hayes comes in with some right hands. Garvin does the same when he comes in, and backdrops Ace. Hayes back in as the crowd chants "DDT, DDT, DDT," although Hayes can't apply it. Douglas comes back in and backdrops the Freebirds, then dropkicks them a whole bunch and rams their heads into one another. A double high-knee follows by the Dudes, but Garvin reverses a double back suplex as he winds up on top for the full 3 count, at 11:27. The Freebirds retain their belts, and Philadelphia rejoices.   Match Analysis: The Freebirds really know how to work the crowd, and the heat on the Dudes was just hilarious. Really funny match, and although I'm probably overrating it, I'll give it **. It's a must-see match, if you're able to. Douglas was green as grass, but Hayes was awesome at actually being able to play to the crowd and get a pop. He didn't have to go for heel heat, and the fans just loved it. Douglas would see better days in Philly. ___________________   Rick and Scott Steiner cut a promo with Chris Cruise, and oh boy, Rick Steiner is fuckin' terrible. That's almost as bad as the Ken Patera promo I heard the other day. I'll link that at the end of this. After that, we obviously have their match. It's the Steiner Brothers vs. Doom w/Woman. Doom is masked, here, and if you don't know any better, you can't tell who's who. But I know better.   Blow-by-blow: A brawl starts things off, and the Steiners give each member of Doom a german suplex to clear the ring. Butch Reed is the skinnier one, Ron Simmons is more compact. That's how I can tell Doom apart. Rick's hair is wild here, it's a good thing he cut it. STEINERLINE's for both members of Doom as they get back in, and they'll regroup again. Ron Simmons and Scott Steiner will start, and a Steinerline gets 2. Rick has Steinerlines for both members of Doom, and he barks. That gimmick was over, even then. Rick and Butch Reed are in now, and a big right hand by Rick gets a 2 count. Butch with an inverted atomic drop and I've gotta say, if you don't already know who these two are, good luck watching. The announcers did nothing to establish them from one another, and neither did the wrestlers. One could have worn different color boots, or something. Simmons in with a headbutt, but Rick reverses his suplex attempt. Scott's in, with a Steinerline off the 2nd rope for two. Scott with an armbar, and Rick comes in with a chinlock, but Simmons counters with an ace crusher variant. A legdrop by Simmons follows, and he tags Butch. A big clothesline by Butch turns Rick inside out, and Reed drops Rick along the top rope for 2. Scott finds his way into the match (no, I don't know how), and gives Reed a front suplex for 2. Simmons is in, and Scott gives him a release german suplex. An elbowdrop by Scott gets 2, and a snapmare and chinlock follows. Doom takes control though, as Reed uses a double axhandle off the 2nd rope in order to do that. Simmons beats up Scott on the outside and slams him twice into the guardrail, and then Butch Reed gives Scott an eye gouge. Clever. A double back elbow by Doom gets two, and they practically choke Scott to death for 2 minutes. As the referee is distracted, Reed throws Scott Steiner over the top rope. The ref was distracted cause that's illegal, see. A Reed swinging neckbreaker gets two, and he follows that with a powerslam. Both members of Doom slam Scott for free, and we have a false hot tag, as Scott tags Rick with the ref distracted again. Does.Not.Count. A spike piledriver by Doom gets 2, and they go to the chinlock. Scott kicks Simmons on the irish whip, though, and Rick FINALLY gets the tag. Rick with a backdrop to Butch, STEINERLINE'S for everyone, and Scott does a FRANKENSTEINER. Rick with a powerslam and belly-to-belly as Woman gets on the apron, and she slips a foreign object into the mask of Butch Reed. Reed headbutts Rick Steiner and DOOM wins the match at 15:24.   Match Analysis: That was a fun power match. Man, Scott could go. Why the fuck did this guy have to ruin his body? The shit he was doing in there was great. ***. Doom is good too. I always thought Butch Reed was an underrated worker, and Simmons pulled his weight in this match. ___________________   Solie's with Lex Luger before his match...the promo is surprisingly good, and HE'S THE CHAMPION OF THE 90'S. LAWL.   Yeah, this match is for the United States Title, and the challenger is Flyin' Brian Pillman. The CHAMPION is The Total Package, Lex Luger. Both guys are disgustingly juiced. I think Pillman looks more gross, honestly.   Blow-by-blow: We go to THE LOCKUP, and Luger with a knee to the body of Pillman. Clubbing right hands follow, as Luger whips Pillman into the buckle. Luger slams Pillman and slaps him across the face, and then tosses Pillman out of the ring. Pillman comes back in really quick though, and football tackles Luger. He then chops Luger, backdrops, dropkicks and baseball slides into Luger. As we are now on the outside, Pillman chops Luger some more. Pillman chases Luger around the ring, but since Luger got in first, he's in control. He pummels Pillman with some right hands, but Pillman gets a springboard crossbody for a 2 count. Pillman goes to the armbar after an armdrag, and Luger whips him into the ropes where Pillman counters a Luger hipblock (impressively so, the counter) and dropkicks Luger. Back to the armdrag, but Luger regains his composure, and shoulderblocks the challenger twice. Pillman with a crucifix after another armdrag, but the crucifix only gets 2. I don't know why Pillman keeps armdragging Luger, but he does it again, and we're done with that for the rest of the match. Luger misses a charge into a corner, and Pillman goes up to the top and misses a splash. Lex follows with a HUGE flapjack, and then he drops Pillman along the top rope. Luger with a clothesline and big boot, and then he clotheslines Pillman twice, with the last one being to the back of the head. A Luger delayed vertical suplex gets two. Two elbowdrops from Luger follow, and Luger dumps Pillman to the outside. Pillman comes back in with a sunset flip for 2, and unfortunately for him, Luger gives him a inverted atomic drop. He sets Pillman up on the top rope, but Pillman pushes him up. Luger tells Pillman to come down and he does, with a sunset flip Yes, obvious spot call...and Pillman gives Luger a nice flying back elbow. He backdrops Luger and slingshots in with a clothesline. I believe the youngin's call that "Air Pillman." Luger's in the ropes though, so no pinfall. Pillman with a neckbreaker and he goes up, but he misses a missile dropkick. Luger HOTSHOTS him along the top rope, and Luger retains his title at 16:48. Yes, there wasn't a TORTURE RACK in this match.   Match Analysis: Well, you learn something new every day. One, Luger can call a match in the ring. Two, that Luger can call a GOOD match in the ring. Three, that Luger can have good matches with guys not named Ric Flair. The match got better as it went, and I've seen another reviewer give this quite a high rating. I can't go that high though, but I'll go close and give it ***3/4.   ___________________   Chris Cruise is with the Road Warriors and Paul Ellering, Hawk made sense for the duration of the interview and didn't talk about breaking limbs, or other such nonsense. Good stuff. ___________________   This contest features The Road Warriors w/Paul Ellering vs. The Skyscrapers, who are accompanied by Teddy Long. Long's carrying a big key, and a skullet of hair. Imagine that. He looks funny. The reason behind the Skyscraper name is obvious. Both Sid and Spivey are huge.   Blow-by-blow: Animal and Danny Spivey start, and Danny lets off a couple left hands. Animal with a clothesline, and Spivey bails. Hawk tags in, gives Spivey a double axhandle off the top rope, and a shoulderblock does nothing. But a flying shoulderblock does, and that forces Sid Vicious to tag in. Sid does what he wants, so after a Hawk clothesline, Sid does, well, nothing. Animal comes in and the Road Warriors deliver a double back elbow, but once Hawk leaves, Animal's shoulderblock to Sid does absolutely nothing. Nothing, I say. Sid misses a clothesline, and Animal's flying shoulderblock puts Sid down. Notice the pattern? Hawk comes in, and we have a TEST OF STRENGTH. Sid wins it, but Hawk monkeyflips him. A clothesline follows as Animal and Spivey comes in, and Animal clotheslines him, and both men tag out again. Hawk and Sid are in. Sid with a headlock takeover and a KIP-UP (!) as he clotheslines Hawk. Sid picks up Hawk in Razor's Edge position, and spins around the ring with him, soon to throw him to the canvas. Whoa. That was an impressive visual. Spivey with a sideslam for 2, and Hawk clotheslines Danny after Spivey misses a clothesline. Spivey baseball slides Hawk out of the ring, and Sid drops him along the guardrail. A Spivey delayed vertcial suplex gets a 2 count, and Sid comes in. Spivey with a clothesline in the corner before he leaves the ring, and Sid follows by choking Hawk. Hawk with a chop in an attempt to fend Sid off, but Sid comes back with a clothesline, ending those hopes. Spivey tags in and tries to suplex Hawk, but Hawk counters the move with a suplex of his own. Sid comes in and applies a front facelock, and Long distracts the referee as we have a false hot tag. Animal must go back to his corner, and Spivey gives Hawk an avalanche in the meanwhile. Hawk finally does what is necessary to get back to Animal, as he clotheslines Spivey, so Animal tags in. Yay! A dropkick by Animal and flying shoulderblock put Spivey down for a while. When Sid comes in, a pier-6 breaks out. Animal with a powerslam, and for some reason, Paul Ellering's on the apron, presumably because the ref isn't counting the fall. Teddy Long hits Ellering with the big key, and tosses the key to Spivey. I'm assuming that the key is supposed to be the key to controlling these two behemoths. But I don't know. Spivey hits both Animal and Hawk with the key, so the Road Warriors win by disqualification at 11:37. Hawk steals the key after a flying clothesline, and hits both Skyscrapers with it.   Match Analysis: There were good reasons to not have this match end cleanly. Therefore, no deduction for it. Also, this is the "good Sid." The one that's not screwing up moves, being generally disagreeable, and the one that's fun to watch. I can watch the Sid from this match all day. It's fun. **1/2. ___________________   Sting, Ole Anderson and Ric Flair are with Chris Cruise, and that means it's time for the main event. They say that under NO circumstances will Ole throw the towel in tonight, and that J-Tex Corporation is done, starting now. ___________________   The MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING is a THUNDERDOME Cage Match, and the participants are...from J-Tex Corporation, The Television Champion, The GREAT MUTA, and TERRY FUNK (the first time I wrote that, I wrote it as Terry Fuck. On accident.). Their "third" is Gary Hart. I'll explain in a bit.   And on the other team, it's STING, and THE NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, THE NATURE BOY, RIC FLAIR. Their "third" is Ole Anderson. For those that aren't accustomed to this, the caps are deliberate, and not intended to be funny in the least. It's a main event of a PPV, it's cap worthy.   The guest referee of this match is none other than BRUNO SAMMARTINO. To win this match, the opponents third must throw in the towel. Simple as that. And the cage is ELECTRIFIED!   Blow-by-blow: The Thunderdome is like a taller Hell in a Cell, but without a full roof. And some genius decided to decorate it with leaves, Tarzan-ish ropes, and vines. Only in that company, I swear. Obviously enough, the leaves catch on fire. Muta puts them out with his mist. Haha. His face is painted red, too. Flair and Funk start, and Terry shoulderblocks Flair. Flair with chops and Funk with a bodyslam afterward. Flair returns the favor with 2 slams of his own, and some chops. I don't understand why you have to tag your partner in, but whatever. Sting comes in and dumps Terry to the floor, and then slams Terry hard into the cage. Flair tags in, and he and his partner Sting deliver a double back elbow into Funk. A kneedrop from Flair follows, and the GREAT MUTA comes in. Flair chops both he and Funk, and Sting comes in with a dropkick. Funk pushes Bruno, and Bruno ignores it for now. Sting attacks Muta, and Sting press slams him too. Sting with a suplex, and Flair comes in. Flair with an inverted atomic drop and a kneedrop, and then he tags in Sting again. Sting dumps Muta and rams him into the cage, but once they're back in the ring, Muta begins to take over. An elbowdrop and legdrop follows, as Muta really knows how to work the crowd. He really does. Flair chokes Muta as Funk is choking Sting, and Funk rams Flair into the cage. Muta suplexes Sting, and we're done with tagging in. Flair with an atomic drop and Sting with a clothesline, as Sting attempts to apply the SCORPION. That's what the Scorpion Deathlock was called then. Muta kicks Sting hard in the back, and then Funk chases Sting around the ring on the outside. This match is a mess, but in a fun way. Muta chokes Flair, and once Funk chases Sting into the ring, Funk is attacked by Flair. Now they climb up the fence for no apparent reason, seemingly because the top of the cage is electrified, but even still, it makes no sense whatsoever. Sting suplexes Muta, and now Muta climbs the cage. He gets shocked (I don't know if it was real or not. I just don't.), and Muta comes down from the cage. While Funk and Flair are up there, Flair swings off a rope that's hanging down from the cage and into Terry Funk. I laughed. He's flying into Funk at a really slow speed. Sting has Muta held up in press slam position, but he just drops him instead of throwing him into the cage. Terry's on the cage and Muta's under the ring, as this match is starting to turn into a giant clusterfuck. Muta comes out from under the ring and rams Flair into the cage, and Terry and Sting climb up the cage. Flair with a back suplex and figure-four, but he releases it. At the same time, Sting grabs onto the rope and "Tarzans" into Funk. I asked my brother what to call that, and he said Tarzan. So I did. Muta kicks Flair in the back of the head, and applies the INVERTED STF. If nothing else, it's a cool visual. Why someone hasn't blatantly ripped this move off, I don't know. As the camera pans over, we notice that Funk tied Sting up. Ole unties Sting while Funk and Muta beat Flair up, and during the process, J-Tex gives him a spike piledriver. Ouch. Now Sting is untied, and he FLIES from the cage onto Funk in the ring with a body press. He jumped halfway across the cage, BAH GAWD. Ross then says that Muta's going to become "fried wonton," as Muta climbs up the cage. LOL. The un-PCness of announcers back then astounds me. Flair with a shinbreaker on Funk, as Muta is at the top of the cage. Flair with a kneedrop to Funk, and Muta decides to come down. Muta with a spinning heel kick on Sting and a backbreaker as he goes up top for his moonsault, but he gets crotched on the top rope. Flair applies the figure-four as Sting repeatedly splashes off the top rope into Funk, and Hart says he ain't throwin in the towel. Muta hits Bruno Sammartino, and Bruno knocks him out. Gary Hart gets on the apron in an attempt to break up the figure-four, and Ole Anderson hits him, so Gary Hart's towel flies onto the shoulder of Bruno. Bruno sees that, and says the match is over. Flair and Sting win the bout at 21:53.   And that's also the end of the show!   Match Analysis: Too weird. The whole cage should have been electrified, not just the top. What sense does it make to climb up there knowing you will get shocked? Aside from that, it's a perfectly fine match. Not great, but passable. **. Don't forget, Muta is still "undefeated" at this point, so they made sure that he wasn't the one to look weak. But Terry sure did. ___________________       I realized that my overall ratings are flawed, so we'll add the "excellent" category. Not that this show is excellent, but I need another category to define how good a show is. There are some really good tag teams on this show. The Skyscrapers, Steiners, Doom, Road Warriors, Samoan Swat Team, The Midnight Express...   Rating: Good. Lots of decently rated matches, and a few good ones in particular. Only one terrible match, and that's good.   Best Match: Lex Luger v. Brian Pillman   Worst Match: Tommy Rich vs. The Cuban Assassin   Loudest Sound (two guys that got the biggest pop/heat): Michael Hayes and Steve Williams   No sound: Tommy Rich and Tom Zenk. ___________________   Badd Blood will be done tomorrow, until then...   OH, I almost forgot. The Ken Patera promo   http://youtube.com/watch?v=hELEcT2aZKU
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Review: Roddy Piper Content Block

Yeah, I don't know what to call this. Hence the shitty title.       FINALLY, NEW CONTENT! ___________________   Just a synopsis of the 40-or so minute piece they posted...   Highlights from Piper's Pit.   Roddy Piper v. Jack Brisco for the Mid-Atlantic Title. Piper wins after hitting Brisco with a roll of pennies. Piper wanted 10,000 dollars to face Brisco in the first place, and Wahoo McDaniel and Ricky Steamboat each had to put up 2,000 dollars in order for it to be paid. David Crockett looks strange without graying hair and a beard. Very strange.   Now, the Frank Williams Piper's Pit. I think everyone's seen it a million times.   Then, the Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff vs. Hulk Hogan and Mr. T match from Wrestlemania I is shown in its entirety, but I'm not reviewing it. When they post WM I or post this in the shorties section, I'll review it. But not now, because I don't particularly review things in the HOF or DVD documentaries they show. I either summarize, or give my opinions of what's on screen. And I like Piper a LOT, I don't need to bore everyone with that. The ring's real bouncy, which is odd for WWF action. I'm not used to that when watching the WWF.   His Hall of Fame induction finishes, and now, to the matches that have been posted. ___________________   In chronological order...   First, we have Roddy Piper vs. Jake Roberts from Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling, and the match aired on 6/23/1982. Bob Caudle and Ricky Steamboat are on commentary. Not that I can't believe it, because I can, but it's so ODD to see these two facing off on a syndicated program in the 80's. Unreal.   Blow-by-blow: Roddy's wearing plaid, and it looks like Jake borrowed from Piper's future wardrobe. Meaning that Jake's wearing blue, like Piper did later on in his career. Jake starts off with an armdrag, and both guys trade hipblocks. Piper with some HARD chops to the chest of Jake, and he applies a front facelock. Both men trade chops before Piper rakes Jake in the eyes, and Jake comes to his feet with blood on his face. Piper with a back suplex, and somehow Jake's knee winds up on top of Piper for a 2 count. Jake with a sunset flip for 2, and Piper gets a kneelift for two. Piper reverses a Jake bodyslam attempt so Piper can apply the sleeper hold, but Jake makes it to the ropes. Piper misses a kneedrop and Jake gets a backdrop. Jake gets a kneelift of his own for two, and as Jake goes to run the ropes, Sgt. SLAUGHTER trips Jake up, so Jake wins by DQ at 6:54. Piper hits Jake from behind, and Steamboat comes in to stop the attack. Of course, Piper leaves.   Match Analysis: Bizarre. I bet that if you asked someone in 1982 which one of the guys involved in this match would be the WWF Champion later on down the line, not many would say that Sgt. Slaughter would be the guy. Strange to see a match from that era without someone involved being dead. Speaking of that, none of these three matches have a dead person as one of the participants. Not something one would expect to see, now. *3/4. ___________________   The next match took place on 7/13/1985 at Madison Square Garden, and it's Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff.   Blow-by-blow: Orndorff and Piper trade right hands as the bell rings, and both men go out to the floor. Orndorff rams Piper into the guardrail, and on the inside, leaps off the top rope with a standing elbow to the head of Piper. Piper slaps Orndorff as Orndorff has him in an armwringer, and Piper gains control by ramming Orndorff's head into the turnbuckle. Orndorff locks the arm of Piper around Orndorff's leg and wrenches it, but Piper gets a high knee and clothesline. Unfortunately, the camera gives us a not-so-nice look at Orndorff's ass, to the point where his ass takes up the whole screen. Couldn't the production truck move off that? Anyway, an Orndorff backslide gets two, and after the count, Piper dumps him to the outside. Piper rams Orndorff into the post, and brings him back in. He gives Orndorff a front facelock and then a headlock takeover, but Orndorff bridges out into a backslide. No count though, Piper's feet are in the ropes. They trade blows, and Orndorff crossbody's Piper out to the floor. I know Piper likes that spot a lot, I've seen him do it before. In the next match, for one. Orndorff rams Piper's head into the apron, then drapes him along the top rope as he slams Piper's head into the mat while pulling him back in. Piper sells it hilariously, as his body goes into shakes and tremors. Bob Orton hits the ring, and pushes Orndorff off the top rope. For some reason, the ref doesn't disqualify Piper. Orton hits Orndorff with the cast, and now the bell rings at 8:44. Orndorff is busted open, and Orton and Piper give him a double suplex. The BRITISH BULLDOGS (yeah, that was a WTF moment. I didn't expect THEM to hit the ring.) come out to save Orndorff, and eventually they get the better of Orton and Piper to the point where the two heels are forced to leave. Orndorff wins, but he doesn't look satisfied.   Match Analysis: Good for Piper in the WWF. His matches in the WWF, for the most part, aren't that entertaining. That's not why I like him to begin with, though. **. ___________________   The last match posted in this update is for the Intercontinental Championship. It's the challenger, Bret Hart vs. the champion, Rowdy Roddy Piper. From Wrestlemania VIII, of course. Heenan's commentary is great. On a re-review of a particular match, when they post it again, so to say, I'll cover the commentary much more. So, yeah, the review of this show will be different for this particular match.   Blow-by-blow: Thankfully, they show the pre-match promo. I'll review that when the whole event is posted. Bret's in his all pink attire, and I don't know who the referee is. Both men trade armdrags before Piper takes Bret down to the canvas. Piper has his arms locked around Bret, and Bret runs and ducks down so that Piper goes out under the top rope. Clever. Piper spits at Bret to establish that he'll be playing the heel tonight, then we have a test of strength. Piper chops Bret after they exchange armwringers, and he rams Bret into the turnbuckle. Piper chops him more, and Bret gets a running dropkick. Bret plays possum on the canvas, holding his shoulder, then rolls Piper up for a 2 count. I think that's the first time he did that in the WWF, I'm not sure though. Piper slaps him, and now IT'S ON. Bret crossbody's Piper to the floor (see what I said about Piper liking that spot) even though it took a while for both men to get to the floor, and Piper holds the ring ropes open so that Bret can come back in. What a guy. Piper makes the referee check Bret for weapons, and Piper slugs Bret in the face with his left hand as Bret's head is down, so obviously, Bret couldn't see him. Wink, wink. Bret blades off the punch (blading was a no-no at the time) and Piper rams his head into the buckle. Piper with a bulldog that gets two and a dropkick for 2, but Bret comes back with a sunset flip for 2. Piper with some lefts and rights for 2, then a Bret flying forearm puts Piper out of the ring. Piper comes back in and both men clothesline each other. Piper goes up to the top as Bret is playing possum AGAIN, and he drapes Piper's feet on the ropes, then rams his face into the canvas. Here comes the usual, Bret with a inverted atomic drop, suplex, russian leg sweep and backbreaker, but Piper blocks the SHARPSHOOTER. Bret goes up to the 2nd rope for his elbowdrop, but he eats Piper's boot on the way down. The two combatants trade punches from their knees (I was going to say "trade blows from their knees," but for some reason, I didn't. Hopefully you can make sense of it.) and Piper rams Bret into the referee. Piper clotheslines Bret out, then rams him into the steel steps. Piper grabs the ringbell, but thinks better of using it. Cause he's a good guy at heart, 'ya know? He tosses the bell out and puts Bret in a sleeper hold, but Bret kicks the turnbuckle pad in the corner, and the momentum puts Bret on top of Piper for the 3 count, and the win, at 13:50. I can't describe the finish any better than that, sorry. It was like Bret-Austin at Survivor Series 1996.   Match Analysis: I won't say too much, but this match is WAY underrated. I don't see what keeps this from being a great match, considering that most people don't put it in that category. It told a great story, and moreover, helped launch Bret on his push that culminated in him winning the WWF title later in the year. Would it have been the same had Bret beaten the Mountie (or insert mid-card heel here) at WM 8 to get the title back? No, of course it wouldn't have. ****1/4. One of my favorite matches. ___________________   Same as the Undertaker DVD. When the rest is posted later this month, a full rating will follow. I'll say this much though, what they've posted is definitely watchable. I didn't particularly enjoy the Wild Samoans stuff from last month.
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Review: WWF from Madison Square Garden, 12/28/90.

I looked on thehistoryofwwe.com, and saw that this card looked pretty good. So, here.   Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary. ___________________   The first match is Koko B. Ware vs. Black Bart...for whatever reason, I haven't seen Bart in the WWF before. Frankie, Koko's parrot, comes along with him.   Blow-by-blow: We start things up with a lock-up, and Bart attempts to knock Koko's head off with a punch, but misses. Koko takes Bart over with an armwringer, but Bart reaches the ropes. Koko applies a hammerlock, but again, Bart gets the ropes. Koko gives Bart two hiptosses and a dropkick, so Bart bails out of the ring. Bart wants a TEST OF STRENGTH, Koko complies, and in doing so, after winning the test of strength, steps on Bart's hand. Koko dropkicks him, but after a few right hands, Bart chokes Koko with his boot. Bart tosses Koko onto the top prope for 2, and applies the CHINLOCK. Bart gives Koko a knee to the gut for 2, and reapplies the CHINLOCK. Koko punches Bart in the head, and both men go down. Bart with a bodyslam, but he misses an elbowdrop. Koko can't slam him, and Bart falls on top for a 2 count. Bart misses a charge into the corner, and they begin the ending sequence. Koko gets a roll-up for a 2 count, and a suplex for 2. Then, Koko gets a small package for 2, but afterwards, Bart chokes him. He scratches Koko on the back, and Koko delivers a running headbutt to Bart. Koko with a missile dropkick and he gets a BRAINBUSTER for 3, at 10:08.   Match Analysis: I always thought the Ghostbuster was like an X-Factor, but a BRAINBUSTER? Wish I had known that before. Anyway, the match was **. Solid opener, probably as good as it could have been. ___________________   Next up, we have The Warlord vs. Jimmy "SUPERFLY" Snuka. I don't care for Jimmy's music. To make a simple observation, Snuka's fall from 1983 to 1990 was a hard one. From steel cages with Don Muraco to opening with the Warlord. Damn, he was 47 at this point. That's hard to believe, even though it's the truth. Explains a lot...   Blow-by-blow: Warlord attacks Snuka from behind, then chokes him, as the bell rings. Snuka's offense consists of chops and headbutts, just so you know what you're in for. That's what he does, and he also tries a crossbody here. He can't get that, as he's caught and slammed to the canvas by the Warlord. Warlord misses an elbowdrop, so Snuka headbutts him. Snuka brings the action toward the corner, and chops Warlord in the neck a few times. Unfortunately for Snuka, Warlord gives him an inverted atomic drop. THE SUPERFLY gets clotheslined, and choked by the Warlord. Warlord follows that with a boot to the head of Snuka that knocks Snuka out of the ring; Warlord joins Snuka on the outside and slams Snuka into the ringpost. Warlord suplexes Snuka back into the ring, and gives him an elbowdrop, which gets a 2 count. Warlord gives Snuka a bearhug, a move that will certainly affect my enjoyment of this match. It was going swell, until that. Anyhow, Snuka headbutts Warlord in order to break the hold, and gives him a headbutt off the top rope for 2. Standing headbutt, not diving. Snuka with more chops and headbutts, but Warlord catches him off an irish whip and hotshots him. Warlord chokes Snuka along the top rope at 8:29, and gets disqualified because he won't break the hold. That's one of the lamest finishes, ever. Anyway, Snuka chops Warlord out of the ring after the match. The end.   Match Analysis: That was probably one of the best one-on-one matches the Warlord has ever had. No, I'm not kidding, as it's surely the best one I'VE seen. *1/4.   After all that, the Gobbledygooker comes out and struts around ringside, after which he does a dosey-do with Howard Finkel. Ugh. ___________________   Here's what I was watching the show for, The Rockers vs. Power and Glory.   Blow-by-blow: Hercules is swinging the CHAIN in the ring, but one of the Rockers distracts him by attacking Roma, and it's on like Donkey Kong. The Rockers get the best of the brawl after a double superkick, and after Roma and Hercules huddle up, Roma starts the match with Jannetty. Roma rams Marty's head into the buckle, then Irish whips Marty into the ropes, at which point Marty tries a sunset flip. Roma tries to punch Marty, but misses, so his hand hits the canvas. Marty works his way around Roma, and tags Shawn. Shawn gives Roma an inverted atomic drop, then goes toward the turnbuckle for the 10 punch. Hercules tries to sneak up behind Shawn, but Shawn leaps off Roma and gives Hercules a crossbody. That was cool. Marty slingshots Shawn into both heels, and after they double superkick both heels, Power and Glory bail to the outside. The Rockers get booed a little, this being Madison Square Garden and all. Hercules comes in quickly with a clothesline, and kicks Shawn in the head. Power and Glory double team Shawn with the ref distracted, and afterwards while Shawn is running the ropes, Roma trips him. The heels double team Shawn again, then Hercules gives Shawn an elbow to the head. Roma beats up Shawn with the referee distracted, then Hercules misses a charge toward the corner. Marty tags in, and comes off the top rope with a double axhandle. Shawn tags in and does the same, and Hercules receives a double back elbow from the Rockers. Marty rams Herc's face into the canvas, then takes him over with an armdrag. Marty applies a short-arm scissor, as the Rockers begin to work over the arms of both their opponents. They armdrag Roma and Hercules a whole bunch, and after the last armdrag of that sequence, Shawn tags in as Marty gives Roma a droptoehold, and Shawn gives him an elbowdrop for 2. Shawn with another armdrag as he tags in Marty, and they both work over Roma's arm, then chop him. Marty with the last armdrag of the match, and as Marty runs the ropes a bit after, Hercules clobbers him in the back of his head. Hercules tags in and rams Marty's head into the turnbuckle, then gives Roma a turn at doing the same. He can't though, and Marty clotheslines him while coming out of the corner. Shawn tags in, and gives Roma a back elbow. While running the ropes, Hercules pulls down the top rope, which sends Shawn to the outside. I've noticed that Power and Glory are both fond of those sorts of spots. Roma rams Shawn's back into the apron after Hercules distracts the referee, and for whatever reason, the crowd isn't particularly fond of this match. I don't know why, it's really good. Roma gives Shawn a bodyslam outside the ring, then on the inside, Hercules whips Shawn into the buckle, and Shawn goes upside down. Hercules poses, and then gives Shawn a bearhug. Shawn won't quit, but Herc brings him toward his corner. Guess he wants to beat him into submission, harharhar. Hercules sets Shawn on the top rope for either a superplex or POWERPLEX, but as he goes up, the 2nd rope breaks. Dunno whether that was intentional or not. It's BIZAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRE. Hot tag Marty, and Marty gives Roma a back elbow and kneelift. Roma misses a charge toward Marty, and a Marty clothesline gets 2. Hercules tosses Shawn out, and Marty gives Hercules a small package. Roma turns it over to put Herc on top, and then Shawn does the same to put Marty on top. The Rockers get a 2 count, then double slam Hercules. The Rockers get a ROCKET LAUNCHER, but during the count, the bell rings, at 21:16. It's a timelimit draw. Boo. Both teams fight after the bell, but Power and Glory retreat. They throw a few chairs into the ring, but the Rockers avoid them, then sit down in them   Match Analysis: Very, very good. Not as good as Rockers/Orient Express from Rumble '91, but still good. ***1/4, and I added a 1/4 because the rope fell off. Just because I can, and it was definitely good enough to warrant it. The fans should have been ashamed, there was little pop for a very good match. ___________________   Here's a pissbreak match, Greg Valentine w/Jimmy Hart vs. Saba Simba. HEY, THAT'S TONY ATLAS!   Blow-by-blow: What fool wouldn't know it was Tony in the first place? I think the internet rumor about that being the reason Saba Simba didn't last long is bunk. Atlas is one of the worst wrestlers I've ever seen. Anyway, Simba pushes Valentine to the canvas, and armdrags him. Valentine chops Simba, but misses an elbowdrop. Simba chops back, and gives Valentine an UGLY heel kick. It was like Booker T's scissor kick, but Atlas just tapped Valentine with his heel and didn't go to the canvas. Awful. Valentine bails to the outside, and back inside, applies a chinlock. Simba gives Valentine a shoulderblock, but afterwards, is dumped to the outside. Simba comes back in the ring quickly, and clotheslines Valentine. The Hammer regains control, and works on Simba's leg. He tries to slam Simba, but can't. Simba is already blown up, 5 minutes in, if that at all. Just terrible. Valentine goes to a sloppy bow-and-arrow, which confirms my suspicion. Simba is just lying there. Valentine goes for the figure-four, but Simba kicks him away. Out of respect for Atlas, I call him Simba. It's easier to type than Atlas, for some reason. Valentine gives Simba an elbow, and a fistdrop for 2. Simba chops Valentine, then rams his head into 3 turnbuckles. Valentine gets headbutted, and after the two combatants lock up, Valentine pushes the referee for some reason. So, Simba wins by DQ, at 8:28. Valentine holds Simba in place for Jimmy Hart to hit Simba with the guitar, but instead, he hits Valentine on accident. I think Valentine was bleeding before the guitar shot, but anyhow...Valentine's pissed off. Hart begs Greg not to hit him, then runs away. This was probably the loudest part of the entire show.   Match Analysis: Awful. -1/2*. I almost started crying. Like I said, Atlas is one of the worst wrestlers I've ever seen. Valentine could have had a better match with El Gigante. ___________________   It's Hulk Hogan and Tugboat against Earthquake and Dino Bravo w/Jimmy Hart. I don't know why they had to bring Tugboat and Bravo into the mix during the Hogan/Quake program, but anyway. I hated Bravo, and still can't stand watching him.   Blow-by-blow: Hogan and Bravo start the match, and they both push each other into the corner. Hogan gets a backdrop and atomic drop, then both Hogan and Tugboat beat Bravo up. Tugboat tags in, and the babyfaces give Bravo a double back elbow. Hogan tags in, with a double axhandle off the top rope. He gives Bravo a rake to the eyes, and rams him into the buckle, tagging Tugboat in. Double big boot is on the menu for Bravo, which puts Bravo outside, but Bravo comes back in with a boot of his own. After an inverted atomic drop, Earthquake tags in. Earthquake misses an elbowdrop, so Hogan tags back in. Right hands for Quake follow, and Bravo gets slammed. Then Quake gets slammed, and clotheslined. HULKAMANIA'S RUNNIN' WILD BROTHER. Tugboat tags in, and avalanches Quake. A clothesline follows, but as 'Boat is about to do another, Bravo hits him with Hart's megaphone. Earthquake tags Bravo, and Bravo's pin gets a 2 count. Bravo spits on Hogan, then tags in Quake. Bravo and Quake clothesline Tugboat after Earthquake tags in, and a big splash by Quake gets 2, only cause Hogan broke up the pin. Quake goes to the chinlock, but that doesn't last long, thankfully. Earthquake takes Tugboat down, and tags in Bravo. Fake hot tag follows (you know, where the ref is distracted and doesn't see the tag), so Quake and Bravo give Tugboat a double slam. It's time for the ASS SPLASH, but Hogan gives Quake a clothesline as Quake was running the ropes. Tag Hogan, and Bravo follows, as Hogan goes into his routine, after the big boot, he rolls Bravo up for the 3 count at 9:19. Strange finish, isn't it. Tugboat and Hogan pose for a while, and then, out of nowhere, Earthquake comes back to the ring, and hits Hogan with a chair; at the same time, Jimmy Hart throws chalk into the eyes of Tugboat. Quake gives Hogan an ASS SPLASH, and Hogan's down for the count. He won't do a stretcher job, though, so Tugboat helps him to the back. Hogan's a man's man.   Match Analysis: Short and inoffensive, *. That was as good as we could have hoped for. ___________________   Ted DiBiase had knee surgery, so Virgil will take his place in this bout against the Texas Tornado.   Blow-by-blow: Kerry's so strung out it's ridiculous. He never met a drug he didn't like. Virgil sends Kerry outside after a few clubbing blows to the back, and then rams him into the stairs. Tornado blocks a right hand, and hiptosses Virgil out. Into the stairs Virgil goes, and Virgil doesn't come into the ring for about 2 minutes. Goodness. Tornado makes him come in, and then tosses him into the buckle, where he misses a charge. Virgil applies an armbar, and rakes Kerry in the eyes. Kerry gets two clotheslines and a backdrop, so Virgil begs for forgiveness. Kerry gets a suplex and another backdrop, which leads to a Boston Crab. The CLAW follows, but Virgil makes the ropes. Kerry finishes the match with the DISCUSCUSCUSCUS punch at 7:55. After the match, Virgil offers to shake Kerry's hand, and Kerry shakes it.   Match Analysis: Not good at all. -1/2*. I'll never watch that match again, under any circumstances. Same level of suck as the Valentine/Simba match, hence the rating.   Jimmy Hart comes to the ring, and says Honky Tonk Man challenges Valentine to a match at the next MSG show. Well, Honky left the company, so it never happened. ___________________   In a seemingly impromptu partnership, Dusty Rhodes and Jim Duggan face Sgt. Slaughter and General Adnan.   Blow-by-blow: Dusty's in the worst shape of his entire wrestling career, up to that point anyway. He really let himself go. Slaughter tries to grab Duggan's 2x4, but isn't able to. Dusty elbows Slaughter, and tags in Duggan. HOOOOOOOO, then he whips Slaughter into the corner, where Slaughter does that thing where he rams himself into the steel ringpost, catapulting himself to the floor. Adnan and Slaughter huddle up, and on the inside, Slaughter gets headbutted by Duggan. Guess their strategy didn't work. Duggan rams Slaughter's head into the turnbuckle, and Dusty tags in, and gets FUNKY LIKE A MONKEY JACK. Double punch on Slaughter, and Duggan comes back in. Duggan gives Slaughter a shoulderblock, and Adnan attempts to trip Duggan on an Irish whip. He doesn't, but Slaughter clotheslines Duggan over the top rope anyway. Adnan rams Duggan into the steel post, and Slaughter rams Duggan into the steps. Poor guy. Adnan tags in on the inside, and applies a HEAD VICE. That's no CRANIUM CRUSH. He rams Hacksaw into the buckle, and tags in Slaughter. Slaughter gets a backbreaker for 2, and a kneedrop for 2. He goes up top, but misses with a kneedrop. Dusty Rhodes tags in, and he has elbows for Slaughter. The babyfaces take turns beating up Slaughter, but Dusty misses a charge toward the turnbuckle. Slaughter elbows him, and applies the CAMEL CLUTCH. Duggan breaks it up, so Adnan sneaks around the outside of the ring and nails Duggan with the Iraqi flag. Duggan chases Adnan to the back, meanwhile, Slaughter applies the CAMEL CLUTCH, and it's over at 9:10. Slaughter keeps the hold applied after the bell, until Duggan chases him away. Poor Dusty.   Match Analysis: Nothing special. Is it wrong of me to say that I sorta enjoyed Slaughter in the "traitor heel" role? It probably is, but I don't care. I liked seeing Hogan beat him up, too. 1/2* ___________________   Now, we have a dream match of mine. Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. Mr. Perfect for Perfect's Intercontinental Title. YES!!!   Blow-by-blow: Piper tosses his kilt at Perfect, then does the same with his shirt. The wrestlers go nose-to-nose with one another, until Roddy spits at Perfect. HERE WE GO, as Bobby Heenan would say. Perfect goes behind Piper, and Piper kicks him in the nuts. I love Piper in this cheating role, only he and a select few others, namely Eddie Guerrero, could pull it off. But when Eddie did it, it was comedy a lot of the time. When Piper does it, it's serious. Both men chop each other, and Piper chops Perfect out onto the announce table. The announce tables were situated up against the ring then, and they didn't break. Piper pulls Perfect in by the hair, and beels him. A slap to the face follows, and Perfect tries to go low. DOWN LOW. Piper blocks it, and throws Perfect out of the ring. Perfect oversells everything, but not to the point of ridiculousness. Piper puts Perfect into the guardrail, and hits him with a chair. I don't think that was in the plans, no sir. Perfect's ring attire is torn, and Piper tosses him into the ring by the remnants of it. Piper pokes Perfect in the eye, and hits him with a right hand for 2. A double clothesline follows, and both men are out. Perfect pulls off the turnbuckle pad once he gets up, and rams Piper into the exposed buckle. He's still woozy, so Perfect only gets a 2 count once he wakes up. Perfect goes for a FIELD GOAL, and it's good, twice. He laid into Piper with those kicks. Perfect gives Piper a standing dropkick, so they brawl on the outside. Gorilla's been surprisingly unbiased tonight, and it stays the same, even though Perfect hits Piper with a chair. Eye for an eye, one for one. Perfect goes for the sleeper, and gets a few 2 counts out of it. Once Piper powers out, he chin checks Perfect. Meaning that he grabbed Perfect by the head, and rammed the chin of Perfect into the top of his head. Perfect goes for a suplex after regaining control, but Piper falls on top of Perfect for a 2 count. Perfect gets a small package for 2, then both wrestlers trade kneelifts. Perfect goes for the PERFECTPLEX after a clothesline, and Roddy kicks out at 2. You just knew he wasn't jobbing. Piper gets a roll-up for 2, and Perfect backdrops Piper to the outside. Perfect follows, then tosses Piper back in. He wastes a bit of time, then goes to the top rope, WITHOUT entering the ring first. Piper shakes the ropes, and Perfect falls to the outside. Now, the bell rings. Mr. Perfect has been counted out at 12:38. Both men fight for control of the title, and Roddy is the one to get it. He swings the title at Perfect and misses, but he finally knocks Perfect out with the title. Piper then lies the title on the stomach of Perfect, as if to say, you can have it. For now.   Match Analysis: I wasn't disappointed. That match was FUN. **3/4. Definitely worth watching the show for. Piper's matches are fun when he has a foil that can make things believable. You stick him in there with a stiff, and it ain't gonna work. With Bad News Brown, although Bad News wasn't a stiff, it forced Piper to resort to "bad ass brawling tactics." He couldn't do his usual cheating thing, cause it wouldn't fit in with the way the match was supposed to go. That's why that feud didn't provide much in the way of great matches, whereas his matches with Bret and Perfect were very solid. They programmed around the circuit, and I bet a majority of the matches were fun. I bet the Flair vs. Piper blowoff at MSG a year later was fun too.   Anyway, that's the end of the show. Gorilla says the Ultimate Warrior and Randy Savage will fight each other in a cage on the 21st of January. I'd like to see that. ___________________   Rating: Above-average. (Excellent, great, good, above-average, decent, poor, bad, absolutely terrible) is the scale, and I needed to post it again so I don't have to look for it whenever I post a show. There was some awful stuff on this show, but the good outweighed it.   Best Match: Power and Glory vs. The Rockers   Worst Match: Greg Valentine vs. Saba Simba   Loudest Sound: When Valentine was going to turn on Jimmy Hart, and the heat during the Piper/Perfect match.   No Sound: Virgil and Saba Simba. The crowd just didn't care. ___________________   Nitro will be up next, then RAW.
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Review: Shorties Section from the update of 11/14.

Shorties section, and the lineup looks different, to say the least. But FIRST, that Piper vs. Hogan match needs to be reviewed. So, here. ___________________   From The War to Settle the Score on February 18th from Madison Square Garden, which aired on MTV, it's Roddy Piper w/Bob Orton against Hulk Hogan w/Cyndi Lauper & Captain Lou Albano, for Hogan's WWF Title. Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund are on commentary.   Blow-by-blow: Bagpipes play as Piper makes his way to the ring, and BOB COSTAS (you wouldn't see this now) introduces both Piper and Hogan. Piper breaks a guitar before the match, to let everyone know what he thinks of rock and roll music. Piper then does the Snuka "I love you" thing, obviously making fun of the Superfly. Hogan's well known "Real American" music is dubbed in. I'm sure of it. Hogan shakes Mr. T's hand before the bout, and we'll see why in a little bit. Piper tears his shirt off and throws it into the crowd, and once someone grabs the shirt, a couple people fight over it. Real mature. Both wrestlers brawl at the beginning of the match, and Hogan gives Piper a back elbow after getting the better of the fight. Hogan slams Piper twice, and then elbowdrops him. Hogan bites Piper, as I notice that Hogan has a lot more hair than I'm used to seeing him have. Piper clotheslines Hogan, and gets a 2 count. Piper double thrusts Hogan in the throat, and applies the sleeper. Hogan breaks the hold, after powering out and lowering his head while running into the buckle, putting Piper's head into the buckle. Orton gets up on the ring apron and chokes Hogan as the referee is distracted, but Hogan rams Orton's broken arm into the ringpost. Paul Orndorff makes his way to ringside, as Hogan gives Piper an atomic drop. Ref bump time as Piper pushes Hogan, so Orndorff comes in and stomps on Hogan, after which he gives Hogan a kneedrop from the top rope. Lauper gets up on the apron, so Orndorff and Piper stalk her, apparently acting like they're going to beat her up. Mr. T helps Lauper down, and gets in the ring. Crowd went nuts for that. Piper and Orndorff attack Mr. T, until Hogan finally gets up, and Hogan pulls the heels off T. And now, we see T and Hogan staredown Piper and Orndorff, giving away what the WrestleMania main event will be. The police come in the ring before the 4 can throwdown, at around 7:12. Hogan wants Piper and Orndorff now, but they don't oblige, walking to the back instead. Hogan wins the bout by DQ, but who cares about that. It's all about Mr. T getting involved, now. T, Hogan and Lauper celebrate, and that's it.   Match Analysis: *1/4, but how the match was wasn't really the point. It was just a vehicle to get Mr. T and Hogan vs. Piper and Orndorff set up. Anyway, I hadn't seen this before, and it was a fun watch. ___________________   From WrestleMania 2 in Chicago, we have a battle royal, and the participants are Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, Ted Arcidi, King Tonga, Hillbilly Jim, Big John Studd, Tony Atlas, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Danny Spivey, Pedro Morales, BRUNO Sammartino, the Iron Sheik, Jimbo Covert, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, Ernie Holmes, Harvey Martin, THE FRIDGE, and Andre the Giant.   This one really is impossible to review, unlike the one at the MSG show I reviewed a couple weeks ago. The total combined weight of the wrestlers involved...5,612 pounds. Yo. Order of elimination goes like this...Tonga, Covert, Holmes, Brunzell, Atlas, Morales, Martin, Arcidi (at this point, I notice that Fridge is wearing a thong. Gross.), Spivey, Blair and Hillbilly, Fralic, Sheik, Bruno, and then, it gets easier to review. Studd dumps Fridge, but Fridge pulls Studd out after a handshake. Bret, Francis, Neidhart and Andre are left, and a double dropkick by the Hart Foundation ties Andre up in the ropes, and then, Francis gets eliminated. Andre gives Bret a big boot, then rams the Harts heads into each other. Neidhart gets dumped, and then Andre press slams Bret to the floor, where he lands on Neidhart. Andre wins the battle royal, which was a given. 8/10, the uniqueness of having football players involved made it worth watching. ___________________   I've already said I'm a big WCW 1992-93 fan. Well, I am awaiting the next two matches. This match is from Superbrawl II in Milwaukee, it's CACTUS JACK vs. Ron Simmons. Huge Foley fan here, I don't care if people don't like him being on WWE programming now or in other recent times. I also don't know why people get all mad about things like that, but anyway. Jesse Ventura's commentary is intact.   Blow-by-blow: Simmons is supposed to be a babyface, well, he gets booed. They really love Cactus Jack, just hate Simmons, or weren't inclined to cheer for a black guy. Just sayin'. Cactus starts the match with an eye rake, but Simmons misses a charge into the corner. Cactus attempts to do the Cactus Clothesline, but does the spot where he hangs himself by his neck in the ropes. Impressive visual. Jesse whines about Simmons not helping Cactus out of his predicament, even though Simmons was doing exactly what Jesse wanted. Cactus tries to run into the crowd, and Simmons catches up to him and rams him into the guardrail. Simmons smashes Cactus' face into the canvas, and slams him on the inside. A Simmons legdrop gets 2, Cactus gives him an elbow afterward, and a clothesline. We see that the Junkyard Dog is in the crowd, as Cactus gives Simmons a double arm DDT. A Cactus legdrop gets 2, and he dumps Simmons. He slams Simmons on the outside, and goes up to the 2nd rope. YES! CACTUS ELBOW, no wonder this guy's body was so screwed up. Cactus chokes Simmons along the top rope, then Simmons misses a dropkick. Cactus goes to the chinlock, but gets belly-to-belly'd as Simmons begins his comeback. Simmons tries to dive onto Cactus, but flies onto the entrance ramp that WCW always had attached to the ring in those days. Cactus comes out after Simmons, but gets spinebustered by Simmons, on the ramp. Yeesh. Back in the ring, Cactus gives Simmons a bulldog, and goes up to the 2nd rope. Simmons catches him coming off the turnbuckle and powerslams him for the win, at 6:30.   After the match, ABDULLAH THE BUTCHER comes down the ramp, and into the ring. Things like this ARE why I liked WCW during that time period. It was ridiculous. Abby acts like he's going to hit Cactus with his staff, but instead, he hits Simmons with it. See, Simmons and Abby had teamed up a few times, after Cactus and Abby had a dispute about Abby being "electrocuted" at Halloween Havoc 1991. But now, Abby shows his true colors. Junkyard Dog decides to make his way to the ring, beating up security on the way. He saves Simmons from the beating, and gives Abby and Cactus a piece of their own medicine. JR says, "this is like fightin' in the hood." I really laughed at that one, but this time, didn't feel guilty about it.   Match Analysis: The angle after the match was awesome, so although the match wasn't spectacular, I'm glad WWE 24/7 stuck around to show us the angle. The match was **, and most of that is for Cactus' wild bumps. WCW was so over the top then that it was a joy to watch, and moreover, their tag team division was probably the best (workrate wise) there's ever been. ___________________   From Clash of the Champions XIX, as part of the Quarterfinals for the NWA Tag Team Championship, it's Terry Gordy and Dr. Death Steve Williams vs. Rick and Scott Steiner. The tournament finished up at Great American Bash '92, for those who are interested. By that I mean, the tournament took up the entire PPV, outside of a Sting/Vader match Awful, awful idea. The tournament had "representatives" from different countries. You know, to reinforce the concept of the NWA being a world organization, and all.   Blow-by-blow: Gordy and Rick start, and they trade amateur wrestling moves for about 6 or 7 minutes. If you don't like amateur wrestling, you won't like the match. Gordy tries a half crab during that sequence, and Rick gets to the ropes. Scott comes in and tries a belly-to-belly, but can't get it, as Gordy backdrops him instead. Scott tries to bridge out of the pinning attempt, but Gordy's so damn big that he just can't do it. Scott gives Gordy a t-bone suplex instead, and now, Dr. Death tags in. Williams takes Scott down, but they wind up in the ropes. Rick tags in and gives Williams a belly-to-belly, then takes him down. Williams slaps Rick across the face once he comes in, and gives him a huge lariat, which Rick sells with a backflip. Yeah, Rick Steiner just backflipped off a clothesline. I was surprised. Gordy comes in, and clotheslines Rick again for a 2 count. Rick gives Gordy a belly-to-belly on a counter move, then Scott tags in. Scott gives Gordy a backdrop and STEINERLINE, then does that front underhook suplex of his. It's not a powerbomb, he just drops the guy to the side. So, suplex. Scott misses a dropkick, so Gordy applies an STF. Terry lets go of the hold and tags in Williams, who sticks out his knee for Gordy to drop Scott Steiner on. Williams gives him a backbreaker for two, and takes out the leg of Scott. The left knee is the body part which is in pain in this match. Gordy tags in and gets a powerslam, before applying a leg grapevine. He breaks the hold and tags Williams in, who along with Gordy, gets in a 3 point stance and delivers a shoulderblock to Scott. Scott dropkicks Williams as his leg was being held, and tags in Rick. The referee doesn't see it, though. Rick lines Williams out, then brawls with Gordy. Afterward, he powerslams Williams, but the referee never saw the tag. Outside the ring, Scott Steiner gets chopblocked on his bad knee, and Rick's still brawling with Gordy. Williams gives Scott a press slam which turns into a powerslam for 2, and then Scott gets his leg taken out by Gordy as the referees back is turned, leading to the pinfall for Gordy and Williams at 15:13.   Match Analysis: Hate, hate, hate that finish. Always hated it. It came out of nowhere, just when the match was starting to get good. Hopefully the Beach Blast '92 match is better, and hopefully we get to see it soon. **3/4. IMO, that's pretty much the definition of a match that gets a 3/4. Something about the match has to be off (in this case, the finish) OR it has to be lacking that extra something to give it a boost. I think I've explained myself. ___________________   From Great American Bash 1997, it's Kevin Greene vs. Mongo McMichael w/Debra.   Blow-by-blow: JR said the match was bowling shoe ugly, well, we'll see. Greene sprints into the ring, and gives Mongo a forearm and clothesline. Mongo bails, and trips Greene, then smashes Greene's knee into the ring apron. He rubs Greene's face into the mat, and taunts Greene's mother, who's in the crowd. Mongo brings Greene over to his mother, who hits Mongo with her purse. I laughed. The crowd chants "MONGO," cause they're in Illinois and all. Mongo's a former Chicago Bear, see. Mongo kicks Greene in the ribs, and gives him a neckbreaker for 2. Greene gets a Thesz Press, but when he charges into Mongo again, Mongo gives him a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Greene gives him a 10 punch in the corner after a few rights, but is given an inverted atomic drop by Mongo. Mongo gets a dropkick for 2, and whips Greene hard into the buckle. He twists Greene's ankle, as Dusty slips in a Benoit reference during the match. Greene comes back with a dropkick, and goes to the top for a clothesline that gets 2, only 2 because Mongo's foot was on the bottom rope. Greene clotheslines him over the top rope, and gives him a bodyslam. Debra tries to show some skin in order to distract Greene, but that doesn't do anything. On the inside, Greene misses a charge towards the corner, so Mongo starts choking him. Jeff Jarrett comes down to the ring, and hits Mongo with the briefcase on accident. OOPS. Greene pins Mongo at 9:22, and gets the win.   Match Analysis: This is pretty much what led to Jarrett being kicked out of the Horsemen, in case you were wondering. JR's on crack. The match wasn't bad, it was probably the best singles match I've seen with Mongo involved. I'm dead serious. *3/4. ___________________   From Wrestlemania X7, the last match in the shorties section this month is The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin, for The Rock's WWF Title. The match is no disqualification.   Blow-by-blow: Austin's music is changed back from the Disturbed version, to the version we all know well. Bothers me a little. The Rock gets booed, as we know. I think all of us have seen this match. Austin misses a belt shot at the start of the match, and Thesz Presses the Rock. Austin with an elbowdrop, but as he runs the ropes again, Rock gives him a swinging neckbreaker. Both try for the Stunner, until Austin tosses the Rock out of the ring. And Rocky hit the floor HARD. They brawl into the crowd, and trade punches, before they come back to the ring. Austin's face gets rammed into the announce table, but he comes back with a clothesline. The crowd is so rabid for this match, words can't really describe it. Austin scrapes the face of Rocky with his knee brace, and on the inside, as Rocky's draped along the 2nd rope, Austin jumps on him and gets a 2 count. An Austin superplex gets two, and guys...we aren't even 5:00 into the bout yet. Austin takes the buckle pad off, but Rocky gives him a flying forearm. A belly-to-belly throw by the Rock gets 2, and then he clotheslines Austin over the top rope. He scares the referee away after ramming Austin into the table, but gets hit by the ring bell and blades. There's hardly any blood. The Rock climbs on the table, as if trying to get away, but falls through it. Back in, Austin tries to ram Rocky into the exposed turnbuckle, but he's unable to, so Austin gets a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Austin STOMPS A MUDHOLE WALKIN IT DRY on the Rock, but gets clotheslined after arguing with the ref for a bit. Finally, the ROCK rams Austin into the exposed turnbuckle, and returns the favor from earlier, hitting Austin with the ringbell. Now Austin's bleeding, as Rocky's cover gets a 2 count. Rocky beats Austin up, all the way around the ring. He elbows Austin twice, as Austin's on the apron. Austin fights back BAH GAWD, and slams Rocky on the barrier outside the ring. He slingshots Rocky into the post, and hits him with a television monitor. Now Rocky's bleeding, but I've got the feeling it was fake blood. He and Hebner were awfully close to each other after Rocky got hit with the monitor, and for a long time too. Plus, why would he blade twice when he has to shoot a movie? He wouldn't. On the inside, Rocky applies the SHARPSHOOTER. Well, they're going for WrestleMania 13 here. The visuals work. After, they do the same with Rocky caught in the SHARPSHOOTER, thanks to Austin. Funny little spot. Rocky gets out of the move, but Austin applies the SHARPSHOOTER again. Rocky gets to the ropes, but there's no DQ. So, Austin flips the bird at Hebner. Austin breaks the hold, and goes for the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM. Rocky does the spot where he kicks off the turnbuckle to put Austin in a pinning predicament, but only gets two. They're going for really obscure shit here, that the casual fan just isn't going to notice. I like that. Rocky gets the STONE COLD STUNNER for a 2 count, so Vince McMahon decides to grace us with his presence at ringside. An Austin spinebuster gets 2, so Rocky returns the favor with a spinebuster of his own, which leads to...THE PEOPLE'S ELBOWii! It only gets a 2 count though, because that dastardly Mr. McMahon pulled the Rock off during the count. Rock chases Vince, but as he gets back into the ring, he hits ROCK BOTTOM, thanks to Austin. Austin's cover only gets 2, so he tries the STUNNER. Can't get that, as Rocky pushes him into Hebner. Ref bump time. Austin gives Rock a lowblow, then holds the Rock for Vince to hit him with a chair, which he does. The first time I saw this match, live, I thought for sure that Vince would hit Austin. The ref's out for the count, but when he wakes up, Austin's cover gets 2. Rock gets a ROCK BOTTOM, but Vince distracts the official. Rocky punches Vince, but gets STUNNED as he turns around. His sell of the move is so ridiculous, but I like it. It gets a 2 COUNT, the crowd really thought the match was over. Austin gets handed a chair by Vince, but the single chairshot gets 2. He's thinking, "what does it take?" Finally, Austin says "fuck it," hits Rocky 16 TIMES with the chair, and pins him for the win at 28:07. The program shows Vince and Austin shaking hands, but not the beer drinking that comes afterward.   Match Analysis: It's the best WWF Title match ever. Do I need to say more? *****, and I liked the ending, contrary to what most people think. All the spots were well done, and fake blood doesn't bother me. After all, it's a fake sport. ___________________   For the shorties and Piper section over the whole month...   Rating: Great. Selection MAYBE could have been better, so no full rating. I would've liked to see something different than the William Perry thing. There was a lot to choose from.   Best Match: The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin. Duh.   Worst Match: Mr. T vs. Roddy Piper in a boxing match. This match was dogshit, so, when WrestleMania 2 gets reviewed, I'll review it.   Can't do loudest sound on this...kinda irrelevant. ___________________   Well, ECW will be up next. I want to do Survivor Series '95, but I have to wait.
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Review: WWE Armageddon 2003 (RAW), from Orlando, Florida, 12/14/2003.

Since my soccer team, Liverpool FC won yesterday, I was in a good mood. Had they not won, this review wouldn't be up. This is a RAW only show. ___________________   National anthem begins the show, as this event occured on the day that Saddam Hussein was captured...and then, a video package. No surprise, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are on commentary.   The first match of the night is Mark Henry w/THEODORE Long vs. Booker T. I guess it's hatin' if you call Long, Teddy. I said I quit watching late in 2003, but I remember a few things. Not like when I'll review Unforgiven 2007, and know nothing. Anyway, Henry beat Booker up for a few weeks prior to the show.   Blow-by-blow: Booker starts the match by clobbering Henry in the corner, but Henry comes back with a clothesline to end that. Henry chokes Booker, then clotheslines him over the top rope. Henry throws Booker into the steel steps, and they get back in the ring. Booker makes sure Henry doesn't stay back in, though, and dives onto him with a plancha. Yo. Booker rams Henry into the barrier and then throws him into the ring, where Booker comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick, which gets a 2 count. Long distracts Booker, and Henry runs into the poor guy, then gives him a backbreaker afterward for a 2 count. Henry applies a bow and arrow lock, before Booker breaks the hold. Henry places Booker's neck on the 2nd rope, and then runs and jumps on it. Goodness, it looked like he could have broken Booker's fuckin' neck. Henry flew through the ropes, landing on his feet. Henry gets a 2 count on the cover, and goes to the chinlock. Booker powers out of that, but gets bearhugged soon after. IMO, this match was going well until the chinlock. I was liking it, anyway. Henry clotheslines Booker, and Booker does a 360 sell. He's doing everything to make this match good, and I applaud him for it. Booker, that is. I haven't seen him do some of this stuff in a long time. Henry misses a legdrop and charge toward Booker, so Booker gives him an axe kick, Ahmed Johnson style. He gives Henry a savate kick, and a flying forearm. The scissor kick gets 2, but Henry stops Booker's rally with a spinebuster for 2. Henry gives Booker an avalanche in the corner, then a clothesline and legdrop for a 2 count. Henry gives Booker an UGLY looking powerbomb for 2, and misses a charge to the corner, where Booker gives him a scissor kick for 3 at 9:19.   Match Analysis: See, I was liking it, until the middle. Not only that, but the finish kinda came a little too fast, and wasn't built to at all. Kinda jumbled, and one of the things that bothers me about current wrestling. You can't rush into a finish, you have to build to it. If all that stuff Henry did after the first scissor kick had been done BEFORE the first scissor kick, and Booker had came back with his typical spots, like the forearm and savate kick, then finished with the scissor kick, the match would have been better. As it was, it felt like it was lacking something, namely an ending. Just my .02. *1/4. ___________________   Eric Bischoff is with Chris Jericho and Christian before their match later tonight against Trish Stratus and Lita, and for some reason Jericho has feelings, although not verbal, that he doesn't want to participate in the match. My initial reaction to learning about that match when I began watching this show...nothing good can come of it. ___________________   It's Mick Foley! I guess he's the co-GM of RAW. Didn't know that. The petition to bring back Stone Cold Steve Austin has 1 million signatures. Now, Austin being forced to "leave" is something I DID know about. Anyhow, Foley brings Stacy Keibler out, she's wearing a cheerleader outfit and does cartwheels around the ring. Foley tries to do a cartwheel, but he can't. I found it a little weird that the two old men on commentary continually made ass jokes, but that's both the WWE and old men for you. Randy Orton and Ric Flair come to the ring, and Orton says that the party is over. Since the party's over, Foley pulls off his suit, to reveal THE REFEREE SHIRT. Hell yeah. Well, it's time for a match.   It's Randy Orton w/Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam, for RVD's Intercontinental Championship. Mick Foley's the special guest referee, if you couldn't already tell.   Blow-by-blow: RVD gives Orton a legsweep, so Orton bails out of the ring. He comes back in, and gives RVD a headlock, which RVD reverses into a hammerlock. RVD gives him a snap mare and a headscissor, on the mat, and after a few reversals, the two men square off in the middle of the ring. Crowd cheers, and RVD gives Orton a spinning heel kick. Orton misses a charge to the corner, and RVD springboards up to the top and gives him a crossbody, which gets 2. Orton gives RVD a European uppercut, and RVD comes back with a karate kick. Orton bails, and RVD follows him to the floor with a tope con hilo. Orton comes back in, and RVD follows with a slingshot legdrop, for a 2 count. Orton misses a charge, and RVD springboards to the top rope, but gets pushed to the floor. I like what I'm seeing. So far. Unfortunately, that became a trend for the rest of the night. Orton dropkicks RVD on the floor, and gets a cover for 2 on the inside. Orton chokes RVD on the 2nd rope, and RVD's sell of the move is so damn ridiculous that I'm not sure how to describe it. Hey, it's better than nothing. In my notes, I called his sell "RETARDED." Orton rams RVD to the buckle, but RVD comes back with a crossbody for 2. Orton goes to the chinlock, and when RVD breaks the hold, Orton misses a charge to the corner, but comes back with a clothesline. A chinlock fits, in this case, as Orton's offense has been head oriented. Orton dropkicks RVD, who's in a seated position, and then reapplies the chinlock. RVD breaks the hold, then gets a roll-up for 2, and a front bodyslam, prior to the split legged moonsault, which gets 2. Orton gives RVD a neckbreaker from a powerbomb position, which gets 2. Sorry, I ain't down with all the newfangled names for those moves. Orton goes back to the chinlock, and this time it goes for a while. A while long enough to take the crowd out of the match, unfortunately. In my opinion. RVD gets up and both men slug it out, and RVD gets a spinning heel kick. RVD does the 10 punch in the corner, and then a monkey flip after a whip to the other side. RVD gives him 3 shouldercharges in the corner, but flips and misses on the fourth. He gives him a springobard kick and a clothesline, and then a northern lights suplex for 2. Orton bails, and RVD suplexes him on the barrier at ringside. He gives him the spinning legdrop off the apron, and on the way back in, Orton finds a way to give him a DDT. It gets a long 2 count, and only 2, as RVD's hand finds the bottom rope. Orton pins him in the center for 2, then misses a kneedrop. RVD gives him a spinning heel kick type cradle for 2, and when both men get up, RVD gives Orton a spinning heel kick and dropkick, before Rolling Thunder. Ric Flair gets a little too close to RVD, so RVD just kicks him out of the way. Orton gets a rollup for 2, and a kick. RVD goes up top, and Flair tries to knock RVD off the top, but Foley decks Flair, knocking him off the ring apron. Good way for a first interaction. Orton crotches RVD on the top with a dropkick, then both men lie on the mat for a while, before both get up and Orton gives RVD the RKO, for the 3 count and the Intercontinental Title, at 17:59.   Match Analysis: Oooh. Oooh. Oooh. I hate that fucking finish. Hate. Hate. Hate. The finish where a guy lies on the mat for a while, then gives another wrestler his finisher out of nowhere sucks. Not my favorite. Had Orton given RVD the RKO right after crotching him, I'd have liked it more. Still though, it was just an average match. Average means **1/2, minus -1/4* for the shitty finish, giving it **1/4. The large majority of the smark community seems to have biases against Orton, and I don't really get it. He's a decent wrestler. I've seen better, and I've seen worse. And average qualifies as good, nowadays. Or at least that's what I think. ___________________   It's time for the Battle of the Sexes: Chris Jericho and Christian vs. Trish Stratus and Lita. The video package before this match honestly made me embarassed to be a wrestling fan. I didn't want to watch this show with everyone around, cause I'm afraid of, well, getting embarassed. But my entire family was here, and I was embarassed. Oh well. Lame as fuck. The CDN Dollar bet was the only part redeemable about the whole thing, cause it's a Canadian Dollar. Jericho and Christian bet a dollar on who would nail their woman first. Jericho's being Trish, and Christian's being Lita. I chuckled, but that's it. FWIW, I cried during the video when Trish acted all sad about the bet, but that was only because I poked myself in the eye.   Blow-by-blow: Jim Ross compares Eric Bischoff to Saddam Hussein. Boo. Since this fits in the match description, I can't believe how awful the booking was to put these 4 in a match. Nothing good can come of this for Christian and Jericho. Trish and Jericho start the match off, and talk with each other in the ring. See what I'm talking about, nothing good can happen. Trish slaps Jericho a whole bunch, until Jericho bends her over his knee and spanks her ass. My dad guffawed at the visual. Trish kicks Jericho, then gives him a flying headscissor, and tries some dropkicks, but they don't do a thing. Christian tags in, and shoves Trish over towards her corner, where she tags Lita. Christian grabs her by the wrist, until Lita gives him a headbutt. Christian chases her around the ring, until she gets back in. Christian misses a charge to the buckle, and Lita gives him a monkeyflip. Jericho hits Lita, and Christian gives her a bodyslam. Jericho comes in with a bodyslam, and steps on Lita's hair. Heh. Jericho tries a powerbomb, but Lita gives him a hurricanrana for 2. Jericho gives her a back elbow, and tags in Christian, who tears off Lita's shirt. Jericho smells the shirt for some reason, and throws it back in the ring. Christian taunts her, until she gives him a lowblow. Trish comes in, and kicks Christian after a missed clothesline, and then, Christian misses a charge and flies out of the ring through the ropes. Trish tries to rana Jericho, but can't, and he throws her to the canvas, where Christian gets a 2 count. Jericho gets a rollup for 2, and Christian gives her a clothesline. However, Lita comes in with a rana off the top, and then she goes out of the ring, where she's thrown into the barrier by Jericho. Jericho and Trish stare at each other for a second, so Christian comes up from behind and rolls up Trish while holding the tights, for the win at 6:37. Boy oh boy. Jericho looks all sad, as Christian celebrates, on the way backstage.   Match Analysis: I could go on and on forever, but this is such shitty booking. It's like telling Jericho and Christian, "to the midcard you go, where forever you shall stay." I could never buy Jericho as a main eventer after this, had I been watching at the time. EVER. Awful. The match was fine, and *1/2 worthy. But the booking was -****. Terrible. I don't understand it at all, especially why the match would even be made in the first place. Shit like this is what made me quit watching the WWE. And now I remember why. The night after Survivor Series 03 was when I'd start watching both RAW and SMACKDOWN! only once or twice a month, IF that. And after the Royal Rumble, I quit watching RAW entirely. I didn't have the time, but when I did, I didn't watch it anyway. This was a good reminder as to why. I'm glad I saw this. ___________________   Before this next match, we see a clip where HBK practically bled buckets for Austin, in order to save Austin's job. Batista interfered and cost Shawn the match, and Austin's job. So, we have this, a very interesting matchup, to say the least.   Yeah, Shawn Michaels vs. Batista w/Ric Flair. Hmmm....this was the match that piqued my interest, when telling my brother to check what the matches were without telling me the results. Yeah, I'm almost 20 and can do it myself, but why should I? I like to be surprised. Also, in case I've never said this, Shawn's my favorite wrestler to watch. I don't care about the backstage stuff, I'm talking about his matches. He can play both babyface and heel the same way. :Cocky heel that you want to see get his ass kicked OR sympathetic babyface that bleeds buckets and sells like a champ," is something that few wrestlers do well enough. Fuck that noise about him not selling when he kips up. There is not a SINGLE babyface in the entire world that doesn't do shit like that. With that said, him being my favorite to watch is what makes this match very interesting, seeing how the match will be against a limited guy like Batista.   Blow-by-blow: Shawn avoids Batista in the corner, and potshots at him with a few left jabs. They stare at each other and punch in the middle of the ring, until Batista kicks Shawn in the groin area. Batista rams Shawn into the buckle, and Shawn comes back with a few kicks to the leg, and chops to the chest. He avoids Batista again, and punches Flair in the face. For that, Batista chases him around the outside of the ring, until Flair stops him and has a meeting with Batista. Flair whispers something in his ear, and Batista slowly gets back in the ring. Batista corners Shawn and beats him up, mixing in a few knees with the left and right handed punches he throws. Batista clotheslines Shawn on a reversal sequence, which gets a 2 count. Batista gives Shawn a suplex for 2, and then whips him hard into the buckle. Batista gives Shawn an elbow to his face, and a knee to the back, then whips him hard, back into the buckle. Batista chokes Shawn, until Shawn begins chopping him. Batista places Shawn on the top rope after regaining control, but Shawn comes off the top with a moonsault block for 2. He barely hit Batista, but that's better than Shawn's knee clocking someone in the face. Nothing to nitpick about. Shawn gives him a flying forearm and kips up once the referee's double count reaches 7, but Batista springs up too, and gives Shawn a clothesline. Batista puts Shawn into the buckle again, and this time, Shawn goes upside down. Batista tosses Shawn out of the ring, and rams him into the steps. He then throws Shawn in, and gets a cover for a 2 count. A Batista backbreaker gets two, and he gives him another, but of the submission variety. Once Batista drops him, it's at this point that I know what I'm going to rate the match, unless there's a screwup. It's rare, but I could already tell. Usually I can't. Batista punches Shawn, and gets a 2 count. Shawn gives Batista a flying forearm, after a little mistake when Batista shot Shawn into the ropes the first time. Uh-oh, a fuckup. Rating drops. What happened was, Shawn got shot into the ropes, and Batista put his head down. Shawn improvised awfully fast, and kicked him in the head. Then, Batista shot Shawn into the ropes (while Shawn has a clear look of disappointment on his face), and they got the flying forearm right. Every single part of the re-do took part in the exact same place that it happened the first time. I don't mind blown spots, even though they affect my rating, unless they get repeated again. Then they DO bother me a little. I digress. Shawn kips up, and Batista grabs onto a choke. He tries a choke powerbomb, but Shawn reverses it into a DDT. Shawn goes up top, and gives him a flying elbowdrop, for 2. Shawn TUNES UP THE BAND, but Batista blocks SWEET CHIN MUSIC, and gives him a spinebuster. And then, he gives him another. NOT a repeated spot, never blown in the first place. Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Shawn flips through the move on the pick-up, and gives Batista SWEET CHIN MUSIC, giving Shawn the pinfall and victory at 12:22. Batista is awfully pissed about losing, and we'll come back to that.   Match Analysis: Without the match being overly violent or longer, I couldn't have seen it being better. I know how nitpicky this is, but since the blown spot bothered me, I'll knock it down to *3/4. Still, it's solid. Very solid, and better than I had originally thought it would be, when hearing of the matchup. Right guy went over, too. I usually don't make comments like that, but in the case of experienced vs. inexperienced or a title change, I think I will from now on, but only when reviewing an entire show, and not a portion of it. ___________________   Part #2 of the program, as Maven makes his way to the ring. LOL. This is the worst thing about split brand PPV's. It's not worth ordering a show to watch Maven in a match. Sorry. Matt Hardy Version 1.0 comes out too, and they brawl on the outside. They're supposed to have a match, but Batista's in the ring, see. Hardy throws Maven into the ring, where he gets FUUUUCKED up by Batista. 2 Batista Bombs are the main course for Maven, and he's out like a light. That means no match, and everyone boos. What the fuck? They wanted to see this? Hardy covers Maven anyway and counts the pin himself, then grabs the mic and says..."your winner, Matt Hardy V1UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." I was eagerly awaiting that. I laughed for a while, which is probably embarassing. ___________________   To follow up on that, Flair and Batista are backstage, as Batista is still pissed about losing. Flair calms him down, and tells him, we're gonna get some titles tonight. ORLY? Flair's awesome at these interview segments. Awesome. ___________________   Oh boy, a match that's hell to review. Because of how long it is, and the multiple teams involved. Tag Team Turmoil, for the World Tag Team Championships. Just a gauntlet match, really.   Blow-by-blow: Starting the match, will be La Resistance (Conway and Dupree) vs. The Hurricane and the S.H.I.T., Rosey. Geez, that sucks. Rosey and Conway start the match, and Rosey gives Conway a clothesline. Hurricane tags in, with a legdrop off the top rope, and when Conway bails to the floor, the Hurricane tries to springboard out onto him, and eats shit, as his feet catch the top rope, causing him to tumble out onto the floor. I laughed, and I didn't stop laughing for a minute. No lie. That was one of the funniest botches I've ever seen, and if I could find a video, I'd share. The crowd is SO dead, they don't even chant "you fucked up." Oh dear. Conway gives Hurricane a full nelson, and then a swinging neckbreaker. Dupree tags in, and gives Hurricane a powerslam after Hurricane misses a charge. The powerslam gets a 2 count, and Hurricane comes back with a face buster. Not so hot tag Rosey, who has shoulderblocks and backdrops for everyone. He gives one opponent a samoan drop, and another a catatonic, for 2. He dumps Conway out, and gives Dupree and UGLY spinebuster. Hurricane jumps on Rosey's shoulders, and gives Dupree a big splash, gaining the pinfall at 3:17. 1/2*.   Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade come through the crowd as their entrance music plays, and Jindrak rolls Hurricane up at 3:34. DUD.   Lance Storm and Val Venis are the next team up, and they both bring some ladies to the ring. Venis shoulderblocks Jindrak, and Jindrak does the same. Venis gives him a hiptoss and both men trade armdrags, before Jindrak slaps Venis across the face. Venis gives him a back elbow, and Storm tags in with an axhandle off the top rope. Storm gives him an armdrag, and Cade comes in, and gives him a headlock takeover. BORING chant begins, and Storm does that little Owen thing, where he plays around on the ropes, and backflips back into the ring. I liked that. Jindrak tags in, and applies a surboard. Venis comes in and kicks Jindrak, then gives him a spinebuster, and Cade a neckbreaker. Venis gives Cade a half nelson slam, and Storm clotheslines Cade out of the ring. Venis gives Jindrak a blue thunder bomb for 2, and when Cade comes back in, he takes out Venis leg and pins him, while Jindrak holds the leg down, for the pinfall at 7:54. *1/2.   Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley (the champions) are the next ones in, and they toss Jindrak out of the ring. Bubba puts Cade on the top, in tree of woe position, and hits him a few times. D-Von tags in, and both he and his partner give Cade a double clothesline for 2. D-Von gives Jindrak a flying back elbow for 2, and Jindrak comes back with a clothesline for 2. Cade hits D-Von, then tags in. He gives D-Von a snapmare and goes to the chinlock. He goes up top after stopping D-Von's comeback with a back elbow, and misses a flying elbowdrop. Bubba tags in, and clotheslines Cade, and hiptosses Jindrak. He gives Cade a backdrop, and gives both men an avalanche at the same time. He tosses Cade out, and D-Von gives Cade a clothesline. Cade puts Bubba into the stars, and Jindrak and D-Von trade rollups, for 2. D-Von tosses Cade out, and once Jindrak misses a dropkick, it's 3D for him, and the Dudleys get the pin at 12:29. *1/4.   Scott Steiner and Test are the last team. Jesus Christ. Test kicks Bubba, and Scott gives him a belly to belly suplex, then tosses him out. Test rams Bubba into the post twice, and Scott Steiner gives him a STEINERLINE inside, and an elbowdrop for 2. Yeah, the one where he kisses his artificially enhanced bicep. Then he does some pushups, and applies a fujiwara armbar. Test comes in and also applies an armbar, when Scott leaves the ring. Test puts Bubba on the top rope, but Bubba comes off with a senton, after not allowing Test to suplex him off. Here we go to the end, it's long and not very good. D-Von comes in and hits both opponents, and gives Test a flying shoulderblock. He gives both a neckbreaker, and gets a 2 count. By this point, the crowd does not give a shit. Scott gives D-Von a t-bone suplex, and Test gives him a sidewalk slam for 2. Test accidentally gives Steiner a big boot, and D-Von rolls Test up for 2. Test gives D-Von a full nelson slam, and gets 2, with his own feet on the ropes. Test grabs a chair and one of the title belts, then throws the belt near the referee, in order to distract him when he hits D-Von with the chair. The cover only gets 2, and Bubba comes in with a Bubba Bomb. That gives D-Von the 3 count, at 19:27. Why in the world was that the longest match? 1/2*.   Now, Eric Bischoff comes out, and says there's still one last team. It's Ric Flair and Batista! Flair chopblocks Bubba and works on his knee, and applies the figure-four on Bubba, while Batista gives D-Von a Batista Bomb, and that's the end, thankfully, at 21:32. *, and new tag team champions. Goodness. JR nearly gives away the ending to the PPV, but I'll ignore it.   Match Analysis: The overall rating of the match averages to 3/4*. That's pretty much how I thought of the thing as a whole. So bad, the crowd didn't give a shit, neither did I, and a majority of the participants in the original match (prior to Bischoff) don't belong on many PPV's, if any at all. Horrendous. Best part of it was the Storm/Venis portion. That's no surprise. ___________________   Here's an announcement of WWE's trip to Iraq, which took place later that month... ___________________   And we have a thrown together match, Ivory vs. Molly Holly for Molly's Womens Title.   Blow-by-blow: Ivory gives Molly a snapmare, and goes up to the top, with a crossbody that gets 2. She slingshots Molly over the top rope, and goes up to the floor, frontflipping onto Molly from the apron. Molly baseball slides Ivory to the floor when she gets thrown back in, and gives her a northern lights suplex, which gets 2. Armbar from Molly, and King says that Molly may have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Where the fuck did that come from? Not only that, it offends me. I have it, and I'm perfectly fine. Fuck that guy. Rant: I hate the way people stereotype those with IBS, like it makes them have to spastically shit their pants at random periods. That has never happened to me, and the first time I told someone and they laughed and asked me if I shit my pants all the time, in highschool, I knocked them the fuck out. I got suspended, but I didn't care. It makes me angry when people say things like that. Anyway, back to the match. Molly gives Ivory a suplex for 2, and scratches her face. She springboards into Ivory, and gets a two count, then slams Ivory's face into the mat. Molly pulls the buckle pad off, but gets rammed into it by Ivory for 2. Molly reverses an Ivory roll-up for the 3 count, and retains her title at 4:23.   Match Analysis: Crowd hated it. I didn't care much, but it wasn't bad. *. ___________________   Video package prior to.....   Triple H vs. Kane vs. Goldberg, for Goldberg's World Heavyweight Title, in a triple threat match. Guess who's taking the fall? (I usually type what I write in my notes, so yeah. I don't type something from after the fact before the match, very often anyway.)   Blow-by-blow: You have to gimmick this match to make it look good on paper. And I never got the thing with Kane wearing a towel on his head. HHH hits Goldberg from behind, and both he and Kane work Goldberg over in the corner. HHH looks funny with a completely shaved face. HHH whips Goldberg over to Kane, who clotheslines Golberg. HHH rams Goldberg into the buckle, and Goldberg comes back, clotheslining HHH. Kane clotheslines Goldberg, but Goldberg comes back with a flying shoulderblock. Goldberg powerslams Kane, and dumps HHH out of the ring. Goldberg and Kane fight, and Kane rams him into the buckle, then clotheslines Goldberg twice. Kane tries a suplex, but Goldberg breaks it up, then hits HHH with a butterfly suplex. Kane gives Goldberg a sidewalk slam and goes up top, but Goldberg slams him off. He gives HHH a press powerslam, like the one Dr. Death would do sometimes. Goldberg lines Kane up for a spear, but Kane gives him a big boot. Now both Kane and HHH choke Goldberg, until they both give Goldberg a suplex. HHH hangs out in a corner, while Kane gives Goldberg a powerslam. HHH tries to steal the fall, and now Kane's mad. Kane clotheslines HHH oout of the ring, and gives Goldberg a hotshot. JR calls the match "bowling shoe ugly" and I'd tend to agree, although it's been better than I had thought it would be. HHH accidentally hits Kane with a chair, and Goldberg slams HHH. He puts the chair on HHH's leg, to break it I guess, but he's unable to. Kane tosses Goldberg out of the ring, and into the steel steps. Kane tries to chokeslam Goldberg through the Spanish Announce Table, but Goldberg blocks it, and tries to Jackhammer him through it. Hah. He can't either, so eventually, Kane chokeslams Goldberg through the table after HHH hits Goldberg with a chair. Almost forgot, the table didn't break. SO, HHH gets on the barrier outside the ring, and elbowdrops Goldberg through the table. Heh. HHH won't hit Kane with the chair, no sir, but he'll throw him into the steps instead. He tries to PEDIGREE Kane on the floor, but gets backdropped. Goldberg's out of the match for a while, so forget about him. Unfortunately, the match goes to shit when Goldberg's out on the floor. Inside, Kane gives HHH a big boot and sidewalk slam. Kane goes up top, and clotheslines HHH from up there. Kane tries the chokeslam, but HHH pokes him in the eye, and gives Kane a DDT. HHH gets a neckbreaker, then punches Kane, but that doesn't do anything. Kane clotheslines HHH over the top rope, and then they go to the stage, where Kane gives HHH a chokeslam. They had to do SOMETHING to try and save this match. Kane drags HHH to the ring, and Goldberg finally gets up. He runs in the ring and SPEARS Kane, for a 2 count. HHH breaks up the pin, then all three men fight with each other, until Goldberg beats both up. HHH pokes Goldberg in the eye, but it doesn't hurt Goldberg, so he clotheslines both Kane and HHH. He SPEARS Kane, as Randy Orton and Ric Flair come to the ring. They can't do anything to Goldberg, so Goldberg gives HHH a SPEAR. Kane and Goldberg now choke each other, but HHH gives Goldberg a low blow, and Kane gives Goldberg a chokeslam. Batista comes to the ring and pulls Kane off Goldberg on the pin, and HHH steals the fall to win the match, and his 8th major (meaning WWE, Undisputed or World Heavyweight) title, at 19:29. Guess I was wrong about who would take the fall, wasn't I? Evolution celebrate with all their titles, cause they have all RAW's titles, and the show ends.   Match Analysis: Was decent before the table spot. Was DOGSHIT afterwards. That's like almost every match on this show, started off strong, but wound up being junk. Cause it was decent at one point, it's worth a *. That's it. They made Goldberg look like a straight out bitch. Kane's chokeslam doesn't really win important matches, but it put Goldberg down for the equivalent of a 10 count. No wonder his WWE run wasn't so hot, you can't really have him in this long of a match. It's gotta be short and to the point. Still like him, though. But Kane and HHH should never have a match with one another again. No chemistry. ___________________   Rating: Bad. Nothing over **1/4 is a problem. A big problem. Plus the booking of the Battle of the Sexes and main event really bothered me, and the crowd was dead after Jericho and Christian won. One would say, if this show was so shitty, why'd you watch all the way through? Well, I'll explain why, there's two reasons.   1. I enjoy writing these reviews. A lot.   2. There's only been one show I've seen that's been SO SHITTY that I've gotten no enjoyment out of it. It was that Philly show with Hogan/Race, and I turned it off midway through. That was probably the worst wrestling show I've ever watched. I got a lot of enjoyment out of this. V1UUUUUUUUUUUHH, Hurricane's botch, RVD's sell of the choke, HHH elbowdropping Goldberg through the table, Scott Steiner's overall terribleness, Flair winning a title, and seeing a decent IC Title match. So there.   Best Segment: Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Orton for the Intercontinental Championship.   Worst Segment: Tag Team Turmoil. My goodness, that was terrible.   Loudest Sound: RVD, Goldberg, Val Venis(!), Ric Flair and HHH. Very typical, cause Venis brought some women with him to ringside. Obviously, he's going to get a loud pop doing that.   No Sound: La Resistance and the Women's Match. Sorry. ___________________   Don't know what I'm going to write about next, but hopefully it's better than this. It has to be, right? The best thing I can say about this show is that not much was bad enough to be a DUD, and nothing bad enough to be -*'s. Just checked, and this is my longest review. Yay me.
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Review: Random Thoughts from 1-29-08, featuring Smackdown, and RAW.

The column got pushed back a day because I ordered the Rumble. No biggie, right? ___________________   I'm going to copy my notes for Smackdown, seeing as the Rumble changed a ton of things. This is from Charlottesville, VA, just like ECW was.   Rey Mysterio faced the Edgeheads in a handicap match...   - Rey's new entrance setup rocks it. This is one of those "I tag you" handicap matches, which I really don't care for.   - Curt Hawkins comes in at 6:13 and hits Rey with a chair, giving Rey the win via DQ. Rey dropkicks the chair into his face, and forces the heels to scatter. *3/4. Not half bad.   Some dude named Jesse is talking about how some dude named Festus is being fixed. Needless to say, I've never seen those two in my life. ___________________   Next up is a match between Jimmy Wang Yang w/Shannon Moore vs. Domino w/Deuce and Cherry.   - Yang's gimmick is really starting to wear on me. I hate his stupid music, and I hate his stupid dance.   - Yang pins Domino with a moonsault block at 5:24. I don't really like the way he does the move, either. *1/4.   Backstage, Jamie Noble and Chuck Palumbo argue for a bit, until Michelle McCool comes into the picture. Then they stop, because they're in a match...NEXT. ___________________   So yeah, Chuck Palumbo, Jamie Noble, and Michelle McCool are facing John Morrison, the Miz, and Layla.   - We'll talk about the angle at the end of the match. At around 1:40, Palumbo and Noble argued with each other, and Palumbo pushed Noble into McCool, who was on the ring apron. Then Palumbo assaulted Noble, and pushed McCool onto the ground when she tried to stop him. Hey, Palumbo got booed, so it worked. ___________________   MVP comes to the ring, because he has something to share with us. That something is a bunch of photoshopped pictures, mostly making fun of Flair. I thought the shuffleboard one was funny, as was the one where Flair was wearing the Jack Nicklaus Golden Bear hat. So, Ric Flair comes out, and says he'll beat MVP at the Rumble (which he did). ___________________   Our next match is a Belfast Brawl, obviously Finlay w/Hornswoggle facing the Great Khali w/Ranjin Singh. The rules were never explained.   - Khali tried to put Hornswoggle through the annonce table, so Finlay grabs the shillelagh and beats Khali to a bloody pulp. The match just stops at 4:50. Lame. *. Khali's been booked to look super weak lately. ___________________   Vince McMahon is with Finlay, but he only wants to talk to his son.   Batista comes to the ring, and talks. He's putting everyone on notice for the Rumble.   Backstage, Noble encountered Michelle McCool as she was being stretchered out of the building, and he tells her that he'll get Palumbo. Ok. ___________________   Now we have our semi-main event, featuring the Undertaker, who's taking on Big Daddy V w/Matt Striker.   - This is going to be bad, if their matches in the past are any indication. By that, I'm talking nearly 10 years ago. It's actually scary how small V makes Taker look.   - Taker slaps on a gogoplata at 6:12, causing V to tap out. The finish looked so contrived, you just have to see it. Plus, V bit the blood capsule. 3/4*. Mark Henry comes to the ring, screaming at Taker that he "went too far." The fuck is that supposed to mean? ___________________   The last match is CM Punk vs. Edge w/the Edgeheads in a non-title bout.   - Rey Mysterio is on commentary. Why they're doing this now, I have no idea. But I'm not booking this show. That said, Punk losing now is better than him challenging and losing later.   - Punk botched his springboard clothesline pretty bad. Up to that point, the match was going really well. Punk avoids an Edge charge to the corner, but Edge comes right back out with the SPEAR to finish at 7:50 (shown). **. Rey runs in to be by Punk's side after the match, and that's the show. ___________________   Looking back, given the MSG crowd on Sunday, Rey should never have been in the title match. That's hindsight, for ya. Show was poor, best segment was Palumbo beating down Noble, and the worst was Finlay/Khali. I enjoyed that one the least. Smackdown is easily the most boring of the three shows, IMO. That's not to say it's the worst, because it isn't. ___________________   The MSG show was good, but I didn't finish it. I liked Bret Hart's debut more than anything else. ___________________   The typical crowd here in Philly boos John Cena. This, of course, is RAW. Cena talks about his injury, and how life wasn't the same. Well, duh. He wants to face Orton ASAP, meaning tonight. Orton comes out and says no, he'll only fight Cena if people are paying for it. That means they'll have a match at No Way Out. Cena still says that he'll find a way to get Orton tonight. ___________________   Our first match was Ashley and Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall and Beth Phoenix.   - Lillian Garcia messed up Beth's entrance pretty bad. Anyway, Mickie is the only thing good about this match. Of course, Beth pins her with the fisherman buster at 2:52. 3/4*. Ashley just stood on the apron watching, seeing as Hall was way late in coming over to grab her leg. So, it looked really bad. ___________________   Vince McMahon is with William Regal, who has an idea for No Way Out. Vince wants him to share it with the public, after the commercial.   A video after the commercial tells me that the Steve Austin DVD is coming out soon...   And then, Regal comes to the stage, blubbering through his announcement. It's for the Elimination Chamber, where the winner goes on to face the winner of Cena/Orton at WrestleMania. We watch a video of past Elimination Chambers, but none of the footage is from the ECW version. Our participants in this are...UMANGA, HBK, Chris Jericho, JBL, Jeff Hardy, and Triple Haitch.   Mike Adamle talks about our later matches, which are Snitsky and UMAGA vs. HHH and a partner of his choice, and JBL/Orton vs. Jericho/Jeff Hardy. Much better this time, as opposed to the Rumble when he Regal'd his way through the entire night. ___________________   The second match on the night is Cody Rhodes w/Hardcore Holly vs. Carlito w/Santino Marella and Maria.   - At the Rumble, Carlito spit on Rhodes' face. So, we have this.   - Cody's punches look really stiff. That said, he punches away a bit too often, so when Santino distracts him, it's easy for Carlito to give him the BACKSTABBER, for the pinfall at 3:05. *. ___________________   HHH is with Shawn Michaels in the lockerroom, and we know that at No Way Out, both guys will need to do what it takes to get that title shot. But right now, HHH needs a partner for his match. So...Shawn accepts, then jumps out of the picture, and comes back in with new, DX merchandise on. I like this whole thing with Shawn and his merchandise.   UFC promo for Mir vs. Lesnar. Really looking forward to watching Brock eat fists there.   Last in this run of segments, is some filming for Candice Michelle's Godaddy.com Super Bowl commercial. ___________________   Like, I said, it's a DX night, as they'll face UMAGA and Snitsky.   - I think I'm one of the few smarks that get enjoyment out of the DX thing. I love nostalgia. HHH talks about Buffer's gimmick infringement at the Rumble. I let out a small laugh for that.   - And with their whole entrance thing, I almost forgot there's a match. HHH grabs a mic and asks if anyone has a toothbrush. You know, cause Snitsky's in the ring. The "BRUSH YOUR TEETH" chant gets going, and I laugh. Every arena should chant that during Snitsky's matches. I think it's funny how I said last week that these were the only two guys left to squash that white kid on ECW, and now they're tagging up with each other.   - HBK is your face in peril, but thankfully, there's a commercial. Snitsky's shitty bearhug generally ruins matches, and this is no exception. HHH tags in, Umaga receives SWEET CHIN MUSIC from Shawn, and HHH gives Snitsky the PEDIGREE for the pinfall, at 12:13. Who knows why the match was of that length, *3/4. ___________________   Randy Orton's in the back with JBL, and Orton wants to know that JBL will have his back if Cena shows up. JBL says, sure.   Todd Grisham's with Jeff Hardy, who says nothing of note.   And Vince is with Hornswoggle now. Vince is disappointed, damnit. Get the hell out of this room right now. ___________________   The next match is Mr. Kennedy vs. Brian Kendrick. Hey, at least we're getting a bunch of matches tonight.   - Kendrick ran right into the ring and slapped Kennedy. That was funny. Unfortunately, he gets squashed and finished off with the MIC CHECK, for 3 at 1:59. Now, the mike comes down. Kennedy didn't want in the Elimination Chamber, he wanted to retire Ric Flair. I like this idea. He's not going to be the guy to retire Flair, but he's well perceived enough by the fans so that Flair can go over him and continue to get stronger, prior to his retirement. Flair comes out, and has two things to say.   First, good luck.   Second, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! So, they'll have a match at No Way Out. ___________________   We go right into another match, this being Melina vs. Maria w/Santino Marella.   - Santino dissin' Melina on the way to the ring is hilarious. That said, he wouldn't be nearly as funny (or not funny at all) if he didn't have the accent.   - This match was horrid. Melina went to roll-up Maria, but pulled her pants down, revealing Maria's underwear. So, Maria got the pin at 2:something. I lost the time. Santino runs into the ring and covers Maria up, and says, "damn you Japanese for your high definition technology." Then he says that JR had erected a monument in his trousers. But a small monument, see. Funny stuff. DUD.   Todd Grisham is with Y2J in the back, and what happened at the Rumble (he hung JBL) is the new him...and he likes that.   Mike Adamle then previews No Way Out, prior to... ___________________   Jeff Hardy and Chris Jericho vs. JBL and Randy Orton.   - Looking like this match could be long. And good.   - Jeff Hardy gave Orton a SWANTON really early, but JBL prevented that from being the end of the match. We go to the break, and come back, as Orton doesn't have Hardy in a chinlock. Thankfully. JBL and Jericho's brawling sequences are rough. They stiff the hell out of each other. Hardy crashes and burns outside, and Y2J has JBL trapped in the WALLS OF JERICHO. Orton comes in and gives Jericho an RKO, which gets his team the 3 count at 10:58. **1/2, good TV stuff. John Cena comes out, presumably to have a go at Orton. JBL ducks out under the bottom rope, and we're one-on-one. Cena kicks Orton's ass, and finishes that off with the F-U. Not a single RAW this year has left Orton in a favorable position at the end of the show. That's really weird booking. ___________________   The show was, uh, good. Barely good. The best segment was the tag match at the end between JBL/Orton and Hardy/Jericho, and the worst was probably the actual Melina/Maria match. I don't know what'll be on my next column, other than ECW from today. I might even review Clash I before I put that up, I don't know. No promises.
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Review: Monday Nitro and Monday Night RAW from 7/7/1997.

I'm probably going to watch Nitro first from here on out, so that's how I'm going to review them too. This one is from Memphis, Tennessee. ___________________   We flashback to last week, and then, Mean Gene invites Curt Hennig to the aisleway for an interview. He's not going to say what he'll be doing at Bash at the Beach, but he will say that he'll be involved with the card in some fashion. Here's Ric Flair, who wants Hennig to join the Four Horsemen. Needless to say, Hennig won't...yet. ___________________ Public Enemy vs. Harlem Heat w/Sister Sherri is the opener...   - It's not bad, not bad at all. Vincent comes to the ring towards the end, and Sherri tells Booker to chase Vincent away, so he does. Sherri pushes Rocco Rock into Stevie Ray on accident, so Johnny Grunge pins Stevie, getting the win at 4:56. Uh-oh. Mean Gene comes into the ring, slips up and calls Vincent "Virgil," then Harlem Heat tell Sherri to leave...for good. You can't fire me because I quit and all that...yeah. Match was **. ___________________   Hey, a Bash at the Beach ad? I mentioned something about not having that...well, Joe Gomez is going to take on Konnan.   - Raven's in the crowd, again. Good. This match though, not so good. Bland, rather. Apparently Konnan "broke" Rey Mysterio's leg last week. Poor kid. Tequila Sunrise gets Konnan the submission victory at 3:11. *. ___________________   Next up, Juventud Guerrera and Hector Garza are taking on Villano IV and Villano V.   - Hell of a match, compared to what's usually on Nitro. It's one of those things you need to go out of your way to see. Most of the match is double teams, with no regard for the referee, thank goodness. Anyway, Juvi finishes Villano V with a 450 splash at 6:16. ***1/4. ___________________   The NWO music hits...here comes Scott Hall, Randy Savage, and Elizabeth. You know where they're headed? The commentary table. I love when they go over there. Everyone leaves, except for Larry Zbyszko. He ain't going anywhere. Hall calls DDP a mid-card jabroni, then Savage rambles about some nonsense. Anyway, they go to leave, but Hall and Zbyszko get into an argument. They nearly come to blows, but things cool down a bit. ___________________   We flashback to World War III 1996, where the Giant eliminated Lex Luger in a move that really didn't look like he was trying to eliminate Luger at all. Anyhow, this is a Giant and Lex Luger interview...when I say interview, I mean a hackjob. ___________________   Vicious and Delicious w/Vincent are taking on Eddie and Chavo Guerrero, now.   - Vicious and Delicious are Scott Norton and Buff Bagwell. Eddie's ring attire problem is fixed, so now, lastly, his music. That music he has needs to be ditched. Anyway, a limo pulls up and leaves. Wow.   - Eddie won't tag Chavo, so he just leaves him. I laughed. Eddie watches as Chavo gets his ass beat, culminating in a BUFF BLOCKBUSTER for the three count at 8:02. **. Fun shall be had later on between the Guerrero's. ___________________   Hour #2, and Zbyszko won't leave until this match is over. The match I'm talking about is Randy Savage w/Scott Hall and Elizabeth vs. LA PARKA.   - WTF DREAM MATCH 1997!111!1!111!   - Ok, Hall walks over toward the announce table, taunting Zbyszko, but he doesn't really want to do anything, does he? He meaning Hall. Anyway, while Hall's over there, LA PARKA gives Savage a DIAMOND CUTTER. He pulls the mask off...and it's DDP! HA. He covers Savage, getting the three count at 3:12, then he runs into the crowd to celebrate. *1/4, but a hell of a surprise there. ___________________   Psychosis and Silver King w/Sonny Onoo are facing Glacier and Ernest Miller.   - Eddie and Chavo are fighting in the back, see what I said? Mortis and Wrath run to the ring, so we've got a no-contest at 2:34. Everyone's fighting everyone! Seriously, no joke. ___________________   On the Road in Orlando...yawn.   Mean Gene is with Ric Flair, for a second time tonight. Flair calls out Roddy Piper, and whoa, oh wait, he's got another Piper mannequin. Geez. Piper ain't got the guts, but wait a second, he's standing right behind Flair. Piper chases Flair to the ring and tears off Flair's clothes, before putting Flair in a sleeperhold. That continues for a bit, until Chris Benoit and Mongo McMichael come to the ring. Benoit gains control, and gives Piper a FLYING HEADBUTT, which ends the segment. But for one thing, a mysterious person ran in and cleaned house as they were going to commercial. It looked like Curt Hennig, but I don't really know. ___________________   Continuing our lack of matches, Mike Tenay has walked over to Raven, once again. Stevie Richards, King of Swing comes into the picture(!), and says that he's the only one who can get some answers out of Raven. He asks if Raven has signed a WCW contract, which causes Raven to slap Stevie, and leave. ___________________   Eric Bischoff and Hollywood Hogan now make their way up, in what's clearly a Bash at the Beach hype segment. People throw a bunch of stuff at Hogan, and then, after a bit., Lex Luger and The Giant come to the ring. Bischoff tried to hit Luger, so he gets RACKED. Vincent and Buff Bagwell run down, and both of them get chokeslammed. Anyway, Hogan runs away, scared. That ends the show. ___________________ Great episode of Nitro this time. You got good tag wrestling, and well, that's good enough for me. Plus, we're getting to the point where there's a large portion of these shows that feature wrestlers the 'net as a whole is more interested in. That's good too. Best segment was definitely Juvi and Garza vs. Villano's IV and V, and the worst was probably Joe Gomez vs. Konnan. Looking forward to the next Nitro, as I have been all along. ___________________   RAW this week is from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. ___________________   Bret Hart comes to the ring at the top of the show, wearing an Oilers sweater. Asskisser. He has a shot at the WWF Title at SummerSlam, in New Jersey. He rips apart America, and says that if he doesn't win on August 3rd, he won't wrestle on American soil again. Period. He brings out Owen Hart and the British Bulldog, so they can listen to the Canadian National Anthem. Before that though, Bulldog vs. Ken Shamrock at SummerSlam was announced. While listening to the anthem, STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD attacks all three men from behind with a steel chair. What a swell fellow. During the commercial which followed this attack, Bret said that none of his opponents will ever walk over Canada. ___________________   Taka Michinoku is taking on the Great Sasuke, in a rematch from last night's Canadian Stampede PPV.   - Brian Christopher comes down to the ring for commentary, and before the match, Sasuke cut a promo. Uh, why?   - Sasuke finishes Taka with a thunderfire powerbomb. Hells yeah. Oh, match was ***, and it ended at 5:46. Too short, but hey, that's television. ___________________   Crush w/The Disciples of Apocalypse is taking on Savio Vega w/Los Boricuas.   - Before the match, we watch a video of this whole gang situation, poop on all that. Chainz hits Vega, which starts a giant brawl at 2:19. 1/4*. Yeah, giant brawl. ___________________   Paul Bearer has an interview, yes, Kane told him so, Taker's a MURDERER. Now, we've got Faarooq and D'Lo Brown facing Owen Hart and the British Bulldog w/Jim Neidhart and Brian Pillman in the Final of the Tag Team Tournament. - Before the bout, Pillman grabbed a sign that says, "Nation of Masturbation." For real.   - Steve Austin still doesn't want a partner for next week, btw. See, the appeal of this match is minimal to most Americans (unless you like the Harts), seeing as it's heel vs. heel. Well, heel vs. heel here, but not heel vs. heel in Canada. Anyway, moving forward, all hell breaks loose on the outside, but Owen stays in the ring, causing his team to win by countout. So they'll face Steve Austin next week. Mankind runs down while wearing an Austin 3:16 shirt, and motions that he and Austin will be keeping those titles. Sure, Mick. *1/4. ___________________   Steve Austin comments on Hunter Hearst Helmsley, and guess what, those two will be facing each other, right now!   - Warzone...Quite the matchup here, correct? Anyway, the match is good by RAW standards, but not Stone Cold vs. HHH good. You'd expect that to be the case. Mankind takes a chairshot in place of Austin, which allows Austin to give HHH a STONE COLD STUNNER and pick up the pinfall victory at 6:17 (shown). **1/4. Austin grabs a microphone, and he wants Mankind to come into the ring, Of course he does, and Austin says that he just wants Mankind to shake his hand, and they can be a team. Well, Mankind hugs him. I'll be damned. Ha, Austin gives him a STUNNER. Austin says that they aren't a team, and that Mick shouldn't trust anybody. Austin leaves, but Mankind grabs the microphone. You see, he just wanted a friend, that's all. Now, drastic measures must be taken. Who knows what they shall be. ___________________   Sunny's our guest ring announcer (yo), for this match between Brian Christopher and Eric Shelley.   - I don't quite understand what they're trying to do with the Light Heavyweight Division at this point. I don't think they ever understood, to be fair. Top rope legdrop gives Christopher the pinfall after a kinda boring 3:52. *1/2. Lawler and Christopher give Shelley a spike piledriver, which is probably going to become routine. ___________________   Steve Austin comes to the ring for an interview...he still doesn't know who his tag team partner is going to be. Also, at SummerSlam, when he faces Owen Hart for the Intercontinental Title, he'll kiss Owen's ass if he can't kick it. We're already getting ridiculous with the Russo stuff here. I know there's going to be another (or two), (what I like to call) ultimatum match/es added, and generally, most suck. Unless the angle involves a dress or a haircut, in all likelihood, the one being pushed up against a wall is going to win. Russo's fingerprints are pretty much all over this, and I don't like it. I know all those matches feature members of the Hart Foundation, but I don't care. It sucks.   Tirade over. ___________________   The main event is Goldust vs. Bret Hart.   - I'm sure that something was cut from the original airing of this show, because there has been very little time between the beginning of the Warzone and now, or even the end of this match. Unless of course, they just cut some super long commercials out. Yeah.   - DOA comes down, uh, why? That doesn't make any damn sense. Here comes the Hart Foundation, then Ken Shamrock and the Legion of Doom. Now Austin's on the ramp, as Bret rolls Goldust up for three at 7:29. **. Big celebration and all, then the show ends.   So, what was the point of all that? ___________________   The show was definitely good, but not better than Nitro. There's just some, I don't know, WEIRD stuff going on during this show. Best segment was probably Austin pulling the whole DON'T TRUST ANYBODY thing on Mankind, and the worst was easily the GANG WARZ during the Savio Vega/Crush match. I feigned excitement at the start of GANG WARZ, but really, this sucks. ___________________   Beware of Dog review is next, probably won't finish it up by Friday, but I'll try. Next month on 24/7 is going to be awful (and have a Clash as the only big event at the beginning of the month), so I'll have a bit of time to rest my ailing fingers soon.
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Review: WCW Clash of the Champions XXXV, from Nashville, Tennessee; 8/21/1997.

Been interested in this one...I don't know, I suppose Raven vs. Stevie Richards appeals to me. ___________________   Tony, Bobby, and Dusty are our commentators. They run down the card, and then, our first match is Mongo McMichael vs. Jeff Jarrett w/Queen Debra, for the United States Championship.   Blow-by-Blow: Jarrett's a hometown guy, you know. Jarrett slams Mongo at the start and struts, prior to ramming Mongo's head into the turnbuckle pad. He then takes Mongo down from behind, and follows it up with a chopblock, Mongo style, out of the three point stance. Jarrett rams Mongo into the buckle again, but Mongo comes out of there with a clothesline, before the commercial.   We're back, and Jarrett has rammed Mongo into the steel steps, twice. Back in, and Jarrett jumps on Mongo's back, as Mongo's throat is draped along the second rope. Jarrett gives Mongo a suplex and goes to the sleeper, but Mongo breaks the hold and gives him a sleeper of his own. Debra gets on the ring apron to distract, whoa, wait a minute. It's Eddie Guerrero! He gets up on the top rope with the US Title, comes down and...hits Jeff Jarrett on accident. Mongo covers Jarrett at 5:53, and we've got a new United States Champion.   Match Analysis: Nothing special, and with Mongo, the shorter the better. I don't think he should've been given the US Belt, but he was super over. I guess they had to do something with the guy. *. ___________________   Mean Gene is with Alex Wright, who's going to take on Ultimo Dragon for Dragon's Television Title later on. He talks in German a bit, then calls the title his.   After, Gene is with the guys from Dinner and a Movie, which airs on TBS. Seriously. ___________________   We now move forward to Stevie Richards vs. Raven, which is also Raven's debut match in WCW.   Blow-by-Blow: Raven enters from the crowd, and takes the microphone. He wants no disqualifications in this match, and the referee says, sure. At the start, Raven rams Stevie into the buckle, before sending him outside. Raven flies out with a pescado, and after bringing Stevie back in, Stevie comes back with a backslide for one. Raven puts Stevie on the apron and knocks him to the floor, then flies off the apron with two elbowdrops. Back in, Raven's got a chair, and he drop-toe holds Stevie into it. A bulldog into the chair follows, but when Raven sets the chair up in the corner, Stevie's the one who tosses his opponent into it. A sidewalk slam is delivered to Raven for 2, so Richards prepares for the Steviekick. That doesn't happen, but he still rolls Raven up for a two count. Raven responds with a clothesline for two, gutshot, EVENFLOW DDT, for the pinfall victory at 5:03.   Match Analysis: This wasn't the best match, but it was a good way to introduce Raven. Quite convincingly, I should add. I'll give this one my favorite rating, that being *1/2. I like how this show is a progression of storylines that are currently on the Nitros that WWE 24/7 is airing. ___________________   Alex Wright is now facing the Ultimo Dragon for the Television Title.   Blow-by-Blow: Wright gives Dragon a hiptoss to start, and a snapmare too, but Dragon applies a wristlock. Wright reverses into a hammerlock, but Dragon takes him to the canvas and applies an armbar. Wright pokes him in the eye to break the hold, but his shoulderblock can't knock Dragon to the canvas. Dragon's shoulderblock does though, and he follows it up with a dropkick. After Dragon's multi-kick combo, he goes to the chinlock. When Wright gets up, he gives Dragon a powerbomb, and a backbreaker, for a 2 count. Another backbreaker only gets two, and so does a gutwrench suplex. Now to the   commercial. I've gotta mention, from the beginning to the commercial is some of the most fluid wrestling I've seen. Smooth.   and we're back, with Dragon tied up in a chinlock. Wright gives Dragon a clothesline, and a scoop slam, before heading up top. He comes down with a stomp on Dragon's head, then dances. Now back to the chinlock, and when Dragon breaks free, he gives Wright a sleeper. Wright reverses, so Dragon gives him a back suplex. They now trade chops, until Wright gives Dragon a European uppercut, ending that flurry. After a Wright back suplex, Dragon responds with a springboard dropkick, bringing the house down. Ok, not really. Dragon misses a pescado as Wright's on the outside, so Wright decides to stomp on him. He tries to whip Dragon into the railing, but Dragon reverses and does that to Wright instead. Dragon follows that up with an asai moonsault, and brings Wright in the hard way, with a front suplex off the top rope. Dragon tries LA MAGISTRAL, but that only gets a two count. A handspring back elbow from Dragon misses, but Wright's pin with his feet on the ropes only gets two. Damn. Wright reverses an attempt at a DRAGON SUPLEX into a rollup, which Dragon reverses for 2. Now they get up as Wright has Dragon's back, and Wright gives Dragon a GERMAN SUPLEX for the victory at 10:54. We've got a new TV Champion! And he's German! Match Analysis: Awesome match, but the TV Title time limit and the commercial kinda killed the likelihood of going ****. Must watch. I gave it ***1/2. Commercials hurt a match, especially when it's going as well as this one was. ___________________   Now, we've got Eddie Guerrero challenging Chris Jericho for the WCW Cruiserweight Championship.   Blow-by-Blow: Eddie Guerrero's music hasn't changed yet. Boo. To start, Jericho gives Eddie a few armdrags, and then a dropkick. Eddie tells the referee that his hair was pulled, and shows the referee exactly how it was done. Jericho gives Eddie a press slam and a flapjack, which causes Eddie to duck out of the ring. Eddie comes right back in with a sneak attack, and a big flying back elbow. Eddie gives Jericho a hilo, and a hurricanrana off the top rope for 2. Eddie then tries a hurricanrana in which he grabs Jericho's hand, leaps onto the top rope and springboards off with a rana, but Jericho catches him and powerbombs him. After a Jericho GIANT SWING(!), he gives Eddie a spinning heel kick. He botches a springboard plancha though, landing on his face outside. HA! Instead of sulking and doing nothing, Jericho runs right over and suplexes Eddie to the floor from the apron. A very good spot to replace that botch, IMO. Eddie brings Jericho in after a few punches and gives him my favorite move, a superplex, for a two count. Jericho tries a powerbomb, but can't get it...so after a reversal sequence, Jericho gives Eddie a release German suplex, which puts Eddie on his head. For real. But, the cover only gets two. Eddie gives Jericho a springboard sunset flip, which only gets two. We go into an UGLY pinfall rollup reversal sequence, and Jericho picks up the win at 6:40. After the match, Eddie dropkicks Jericho, in anger. A brainbuster and a FROG SPLASH follow, as Eddie leaves Jericho in the dust. I guess that's a good phrase to use.   Match Analysis: A disappointing effort. I mean, there were great things about it. Like the post-match beatdown. I mean, Eddie's character at that time is one of the best I've ever seen. Dead serious. Only ** for the match...if you had just watched this and none of their prior or later work, it would be hard to say, oh, they had a match that neared **** just a month later. You wouldn't believe it. ___________________   Part #2 begins, with a big lucha libre tag match. We've got Lizmark Jr., Super Calo, Juventud Guerrera, and Hector Garza facing Psychosis, Silver King, Villano IV, and Villano V w/Sonny Onoo.   Blow-by-Blow: IV and Calo will start things off, and Calo takes IV to the canvas with an armdrag. They go into a reversal sequence, and afterward, Calo gives IV an armdrag and a flying headscissors. Calo gives Silver King a dropkick, and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to IV, which gets a two count. Garza comes right in, and misses a charge to the corner. Silver King also misses a charge to the corner, but he gives Garza a hiptoss and shoulderblock. Garza responds with an armdrag and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, before clotheslining King over the top. Juvi and Psychosis come in, and the latter of the two gives the other a superkick. Psychosis tosses him out, so Garza and IV come in. IV and Silver King monkey flip Garza and Lizmark Jr. to the outside, and here comes the crazy shit, as the heels get tossed out too. Calo flies out with a tope con hilo onto Silver King and Villano IV. Lizmark does the same, but with a regular tope...Juvi leaps off of Garza's back to the outside, landing on everyone...Villano V flies out with another tope...and Garza ends the sequence with a SICK CORKSCREW PLANCHA. Onoo grabs Calo's leg with he and Psychosis back in the ring, knocking Calo to the canvas. Psychosis comes off the top with a GUILLOTINE LEGDROP, which finishes Calo via pinfall at 4:52.   Match Analysis: Typical lucha spotfest. I like them. You know, the sequence where everyone decides to dive on one another is one of my favorites. Required viewing. **3/4, for a pretty good little match. You take what you can get. ___________________   Mean Gene is with the guys from Dinner and a Movie, who are naming their culinary creations. Macho Mayo...Macho Nacho...NWOkra....oh, that explains it all. These cooks are NWO 4 LIFE! What in the hell did I just say. Or, rather, what in the hell is this. The cooks tear their shirts off to reveal an NWO one, which brings Randy Savage out. You see, this is the NWO's birthday party. Now we go to a commercial.   We're back, and DDP is destroying all of this cooking utensils. He gives one of those dudes a DIAMOND CUTTER, and leaves. What a tough guy. ___________________   On the road, then Konnan and Syxx are taking on Ric Flair and Curt Hennig.   Blow-by-Blow: Gee, who's going over here? Hennig's being recruited by the Four Horsemen, if you didn't know. Hennig spits his gum at Konnan, and we're underway. Konnan puts Hennig in a headlock, but Hennig drop-toe holds his way out of it. Konnan pulls on Hennig's hair, which allows him to bring in his partner. Hennig tags out as well, so Syxx gives Flair a shoulderblock. Syxx gives Flair a backdrop, but Flair comes right back with a few chops and a kneedrop for two. After a Flair backdrop, Hennig comes in and gives Syxx a kneelift, knocking Syxx over to his corner, allowing him to tag in Konnan. They both collide after a few punches, and Syxx makes the tag. Flair chops away at Konnan, who misses a dropkick. Syxx clips Flair in the knee on accident, because Hennig pushed him into Flair, inadvertently, of course. Hennig gives Konnan the HENNIG-PLEX, which picks up the pinfall victory at 5:10. After the match, Mean Gene is with Hennig, to ask him whether or not he's decided to be a Horseman. Hennig just says, no. Gene asks him what his decision is, and Hennig says, no. What an ambiguous answer.   Match Analysis: Basic, formula Nitro match. Seeing as this Clash is nothing more than a glorified Nitro, I can't say that there's anything wrong with that. *3/4. ___________________   Here's our main event. Diamond Dallas Page and Lex Luger are facing Randy Savage and Scott Hall, who are accompanied by the entirety of the NWO. Before the match, Kevin Nash grabs a microphone, and well, he's going to allow Savage to defend his portion of the tag team titles. Now we've got a REAL main event, as this is for the WCW Tag Team Titles.   Blow-by-Blow: Only Nash was allowed to stay at ringside. How unfortunate. Hall and Page were going to start things off, but Hall wants Luger instead. So, we begin. Luger pushes Hall to the canvas and poses, pretty much as you'd figure. Hall pulls Luger to the outside for a bit, so Savage can give Luger a double axhandle when he comes back in. Savage misses an elbowdrop, so DDP tags in and hits everyone, ending his run of big hits with a clothesline. Savage comes back with a clothesline of his own, and a boot choke, before tagging in Hall. Hall gives Page a fallaway slam for a two count, before Savage tags in and rams Page into the buckle. Both work on Page in the corner, before Savage gives Page an elbowdrop for 2. Savage and Hall stomp on Page outside of the ring, which Savage follows it up with a double axhandle off the ring apron. Hall's in the ring, and applies an STF type hold. Page gives him a clothesline, and finally makes the hot tag to Luger. Luger cleans house, gives Hall an inverted atomic drop, and clotheslines both. He tosses Savage over the top, and puts Hall in THE RACK! Savage comes in, pokes Page in the eye, so Hall rams Luger into Page. You see, Page's eye was hurt, so he didn't see that it was Luger. He turns around, Luger's standing there, and he gives Luger the DIAMOND CUTTER. After a long delay, Hall pins Luger, for the three count at 9:55.   Match Analysis: I like that the Diamond Cutter was put over so huge. Well, any finisher in which the guy had to lay down for that long afterward is one that is put over huge. I wrote something about remembering something from Flair's book, but I forgot. Maybe it was about how Savage and Hall didn't get along. I don't know. Match was **. ___________________   The NWO are staying in the ring, as Eric Bischoff is saying some stuff to the winners. If not for them, these people wouldn't be here. Maybe that's true. The lights flicker for a few moments, and look to the rafters. Hey, there's Sting. A buzzard is up there with him, as his music plays. The lights go out, then back on, and a buzzard is attached to the top rope. What's awful is that you could see the person who attached it walking away from the bird. Brutal. One of the most bizarre show endings I've seen. ___________________   Rating: Decent. I would say the show was good for a Clash, but that ending sorta soured me on things, as did the Dinner and a Movie segment. Absolutely retarded.   Best Segment: Definitely Alex Wright's victory over Ultimo Dragon. Fantastic TV match.   Worst Segment: The Sting thing. I don't really follow. ___________________   I don't have any reviews to do for a while. That's good! Ok, not really. It just means I'll do something else with my time.  
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So, if Shaq gets another ring, and Dodger stuff

Forewarning, this is long. First Lakers, then Dodgers, then USC.   Does the Laker fanbase here support it? I know a ton of people that loved this guy when he was here and hate his guts now. Personally, I think that's a load of shit on their behalf, because nothing changed about Shaq. He's the same guy he always was, everyone just got pissed off because the Lakers were now one of the teams he made fun of. Boo fucking hoo. If they can't handle someone having playful fun or throwing barbs at/with their team, they shouldn't be watching sports in the first place. I'm sick of these uptight assholes in the real world that I have to deal with when I talk about the playoffs on a daily basis. I feel a little better about saying that.   Anyway, to the important LA team at this stage, the Dodgers (fuck that LA Angels hippie shit). This team is a serious contender. I had no idea that their lineup was going to be like this, and I didn't think that the prospects would be able to step in and contribute if guys went down. They need a pitcher, which they can get with the talent that they have in the system. If they get a pitcher, I'm beginning to think that this is a serious NL contender. If they get in the playoffs, they're very dangerous. I trust Derek Lowe to pitch great out there. Gagne comes back to form, they're going to be really hard to beat. I love what I've seen so far.   I talked to one of my buddies that plays football at USC the other day. Turns out he broke their squat record, which considering the talent that's been through there is EXTREMELY impressive, and that he thinks that Mark (for some reason, maybe because it's late, I feel like calling him Matt. Maybe that's his name, I'm too tired.) Sanchez could be better than Matt Leinart. The rest of what he said I'll leave for an entry closer to the season, but I have some input of my own from what I've seen of Sanchez. I'm going to say that he will be better than Matt Leinart. How can I possibly know this? I've seen this guy in person 3 times, and my school played against this guy's (almost all white guys) in a passing league. If anyone but Leinart was the starter at SC, he would have played last year. This guy has "it", that star quality that you see every once in a while. I'm no scout, but this guy is a prototypical QB. He can throw from the pocket, on the run, and he's really mobile. He makes perfect reads (My friends in the passing league were fucking shocked at some of the throws he was able to make at that age) and spreads the ball around. This guy is a winner.   I'll have some scoop on UCLA and Oregon before the season too, because I know one player from each school. One of their families happens to live three doors down. How exciting!
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My Thanksgiving Story.

I was taking turkey orders yesterday, and someone (obviously) wanted a turkey. They paid for the turkey and everything else before I told them what else came with it. The person told me that they needed to ask me a question. I told them to go ahead. They asked me if you could reheat the turkey in a microwave. These Mohammedans asked me if there was pork in THE TURKEY STUFFING AND IF THERE WAS SWEET POTATO IN THE YAMS. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.   Happy Turkey shit.
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Review: WWF Monday Night Raw, 4/28/97, from Omaha, Nebraska.

Now, to follow up... ___________________   Welcome everyone to Monday Night RAWWWW. Flashback to Steve Austin/Bret Hart from last week. As much as I liked the angle, I could've done without that. ___________________   Brian Pillman comes out to the ring, with a mic I might add, and begins to talk about religion. He wants everyone to pray for Bret Hart, and the people who liked what Austin did to Bret. He prays for the destruction of Austin, and that people everywhere will begin to listen to Bret again. Austin comes on the TitanTron, and says that Pillman had better pray. Pillman says he'll turn the other cheek, then turns around and bends over so that his ass is facing the TitanTron. Here comes Austin to the ring, and it was a trap. Owen and Bulldog try to attack Austin, but Austin runs through the ring and into the crowd. Davey and Owen stay in the ring, and pray along with Pillman. Both Davey and Owen pray for Bret, and Austin comes back in, with an axehandle that he broke the end of an ax off from. He chases the three guys away and into the crowd, and tells them they better give their souls to the Lord, cause their asses are his. That segment is open to interpretation. Some may like it, some may not. I thought it was just decent. ___________________   Pillman's praying in the back, before the match between Flash Funk and Rockabilly w/Honky Tonk Man.   Not bad on paper, but the gimmicks. Oh Lord, the gimmicks. Flash dances, until Rockabilly pushes him to the ground. Flash gives him a dropkick and a hiptoss, and then a springboard crossbody for 2. Flash gives him an armdrag, as we go splitscreen, with Bret sitting in an ambulance, waiting to make an appearance. Back to the action, where Flash dumps Rockabilly to the outside, and follows him out with a clothesline from the 2nd turnbuckle. Honky distracts Flash while Flash is on the apron, which leads to a Rockabilly clothesline. He suplexes Flash in, and gets a cover for 2. A FAMEASSER follows, and Rockabilly goes up to the top. Flash crotches him, but is given a swinging DDT, for 2. Didn't know Billy Gunn had that in him. Honky gets on the ring apron, and Rockabilly runs into him, which leads to Funk giving Rockabilly a hurricanrana, and the pinfall for Flash, at 4:21. I don't quite get why they'd have Rockabilly lose this match. **. After the match, Honky hits Flash in the head with his guitar. Poor guy. ___________________   Bret Hart comes out of the ambulance, and to the ring. He talks about Pillman's praying, and says that it can't help you all the time. More anti-American stuff, mainly talking about how bloodthirsty we are. He says that Austin and Shawn Michaels will be the next to get put in an ambulance. ___________________   Austin's in the back, looking for the First Aid room. After that, there's a FUNNY WWF commercial. Prelude to the attitude. ___________________   The next match is the Legion of Doom v. Doug Furnas and Phil LaFon.   Before the match, we go split screen and listen to Furnas talk about being a legitimate wrestler, and that it's the fans fault they haven't been able to win matches. That's cool. Animal and LaFon start, and Animal gives him an elbow to the head. LaFon comes back with a spinning leg lariat, but Animal gives him a flying shoulderblock and an elbowdrop. Furnas and Hawk tag in, and Hawk gives him a clothesline and neckbreaker. Hawk gives him a fistdrop, but Furnas quickly gives him a belly-to-belly suplex, and a legdrop. LaFon tags in, and they both give Hawk a shoulderblock, for 2. LaFon gives him a trapping suplex, and a cross armbreaker. He lets go quickly, and gives Hawk a snap suplex. Double colission follows, and so does the hot tag to Animal. Dropkicks for both and a powerslam for Furnas, until Hawk clotheslines both. They go for the DOOMSDAY DEVICE, but Furnas gives Animal a dropkick, knocking both he and LaFon out of the ring. Hawk goes through with the move though and gives Furnas a clothesline off the top rope, which gives LOD the pinfall at 3:47. *1/2. JR's in the ring with Furnas and LaFon, and they say what they said before the match. The fans suck. ___________________   On Shotgun Saturday Night, Sunny was under cover. Literally. Well, the Headbangers came out, and sat in the bed with her. So, she models an Austin shirt on RAW, as Michael Hayes is giving us the rundown on sizes and all that. Whenever Sunny's on my screen is a good thing, but this is lame. Still feel bad for Hayes....   And Ahmed Johnson's backstage. He's sick of the Nation, so he wrecks shit.   Now Pillman kisses Owen's Slammy's, before... ___________________   For the Intercontinental Championship, it's Owen Hart w/Bret Hart and the British Bulldog vs. Rocky Maivia. Owen's family hangs out near the TitanTron, and that'll be the case during the later match as well.   Owen says he's going to win it for Bret. How sweet. Owen attacks Rocky at the start, but Rocky quickly responds with a clothesline, dropkick and an armdrag. He gives Owen a powerslam for 2, and applies an armbar. Rocky gives him a backdrop, and goes back to the armbar, before giving Owen a shoulderblock. Strong start from Rocky. Owen tosses Rocky out of the ring, and gives him a baseball slide. Then Rocky comes back in, and Owen gives him a missile dropkick for 2. Owen goes to the chinlock, and gives him a droptoehold. He snaps Rocky's lower leg back twice, and begins to work on the left knee, with an indian deathlock. Rocky rolls him up for 2, but Owen goes back to the knee, with three leg whips. He goes for the SHARPSHOOTER, but Rocky won't allow it. Owen gives him a suplex, but Rocky comes back with that floatover DDT of his, which gets two. He gives Owen ROCK BOTTOM, but it only gets 2. Certainly wasn't his finisher then, if you didn't know. Rocky rams Owen into the buckle, but Owen comes out with a spinning leg lariat. Owen goes up top for a moonsault, but he gets crotched, and back suplexed off by Rocky, which gets 2. That spot always makes me cringe, with the way that the recipient lands on his head. Rocky tries a suplex, but Owen rolls through it and winds up behind Rocky, where he pins him with a rolling clutch hold for 3 at 8:26, and the INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE. As much as it boggles my mind to say this, that was his first singles title in the WWF. Yeah, really. **1/2. Rocky did the best he could. Owen celebrates by placing the Intercontinental Title in Bret's lap.   Backstage, Austin's in a wheelchair. What? ___________________   We're in the Warzone, and it's Austin, again. He's carrying that wheelchair through the crowd, and to the ring. He sits in the wheelchair when he gets in the ring, and asks the crowd if they want to see a wheelchair match between him and Bret. He says he'd whip Bret's ass for sure. Austin's gonna whip Taker's as at A Cold Day in Hell, or so he says. Bret pops up on the TitanTron, and promises that Austin will ride in an ambulance. ___________________   Vader's back, and there's some footage of him grabbing the interviewer in Kuwait, during Good Morning Kuwait. Let me say that I'm awfully surprised to see Taker out of character on that show, dressed like he usually did as BikerTaker. More so that it was shown on RAW. A stupid Ken Shamrock video follows that, unfortunately, featuring video from his in-ring interactions. Never liked Shamrock. He's annoying.   Obviously, the previous things shown mean that it's time. It's VADER TIME. He's facing Jesse Jammes. The singing gets worse every week. Vader smashes Jammes, then gives him a big splash off the 2nd rope. He picks Jammes up at two, and gives him the VADER BOMB, to finish the match at 1:35. Thank you. *1/4. JR goes into the ring to ask Vader a few questions, and Vader's first answer is that he went to Kuwait to do a job.     I'll take that literally. He starts to bully JR by taking his hat and glasses, so Ken Shamrock runs to the ring to save JR, by giving Vader a belly-to-belly suplex. Vader bails, and goes into his WHO'S DA MAN routine while walking backstage. Good build for their match at the PPV, which   ___________________   It's Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/Chyna vs. Goldust next. Before the match, Goldust says that ringside is no place for a woman, so Marlena's not allowed out there.   Slug it out, until Goldust gives Hunter two clotheslines. He whips Hunter to the corner, where he goes upside down. 10 punch time, and after #9, Goldie bites him. He gives Hunter a BUTT bump, and a slap to the face, before more 10 punch. But before he can get started, Hunter gives him an inverted atomic drop. Hunter follows that with a high knee, and he tosses Goldust out of the ring, where Chyna kicks him a whole bunch. Marlena comes down to the ring, and we have a...   commercial break.   We're back, and Hunter's giving Goldust a knee to the face. Chyna looks like a man, and Vince pretty much compares her to Ellen, calling her a lesbian. I'd say she's a transsexual. Goldust grabs his own nuts, and clotheslines Hunter. Well. Goldust gives him a bulldog, and Chyna moves towards Marlena. Marlena throws powder at Chyna, and Chyna starts choking Hunter, who came out of the ring to get Goldust. That leads to Hunter being counted out at 4:50 (commercial time not included, obviously). Cute little finish, but the match was no good. *. ___________________   The Undertaker comes on the TitanTron as Hunter and Chyna take the quick road backstage (taking a right in the aisleway and walking around the TitanTron), and says a bit about Austin. He's not too worried about him, and he can do worse to Austin than put him in a wheelchair.   After that, Sable models an Undertaker shirt. When I was a kid, well, you figure it out. Pillman prays for Bulldog to hurt the Undertaker, and we get another funny WWF commercial, where this time, the kid thinks he's Stone Cold Steve Austin. ___________________   The main event is the British Bulldog w/Bret and Owen Hart vs. The Undertaker, in a non-title bout. So, this match did happen more than once.   Unfortunately, we go to a   commercial as soon as the match starts, after a Taker choke toss.   We're back, and Bulldog has Taker up in a delayed vertical suplex, which gets 2. Bulldog misses a clothesline, and gets chokeslammed by Taker. That forces Owen to run-in, at 1:18 (commercial not included). No rating, the entire match happened during the commercial.   Austin comes through the crowd to save Taker(?), and after chasing Owen and Davey away, grabs the WWF Title and celebrates with it. Heh. Austin gives Taker a STUNNER, but while flippin' the bird at him, Taker sits up and gives Austin a chokeslam. Don't particularly care for the Taker/Austin booking. They were trying to pop a buyrate, but it's gonna make Austin seem like a bitch, in the end. Remember, I watched WCW in 1997, not much WWF. Austin sees Bret at the stage, and Bret can't get away. When he tries to, JIM FUCKING NEIDHART comes out, and attacks Austin. Bret hits Austin with a crutch, and that knocks Austin off the stage. That looked like a hard fall, with no added protection. We cut backstage as Austin's being stretchered out, and Pillman has this insane look on his face, to end the show. Loose Cannon, indeed. ___________________   Rating: Good. Three things, though.   1. Too much Austin. Just a bit too much. But having Neidhart come back offsets that.   2. No Mankind. Boo.   3. Title change is good. Very, very good.   Plus, any show that Jesse Jammes gets squashed on is fun. The show had a good crowd, for once.   Best Segment: I got the most enjoyment out of Pillman's look at the end, and Neidhart's return. So that.   Worst Segment: The Shamrock video. Ugh.   Loudest Sound: Austin, Taker, and the Hart Foundation. Figures.   No Sound: Furnas and LaFon, Rocky Maivia and Jesse Jammes. They pushed Rocky too hard, too fast. That's not the right way to analyze why the fans hated him, though. They hated him because he was vanilla. No personality, or natural charisma. Now how that changed, I couldn't say. When he went heel, it was like someone flipped a switch. ___________________   Shorties section is next. I've seen everything there is to offer, so far. I'd like for them to add something obscure today. It only took me 2 hours to type 5 pages. That's a new record.
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Review: WWF Prime Time Wrestling, 12/21/92.

Problem with the shorties section, I'm not doing them. There's nothing obscure, and almost everything they're posting defeats the point of reviewing the entire shows that they're on when they get around to putting them up. Unless there's something like Flair/Perfect from the 3rd RAW, I'm not going to review it. That DOES mean I'll be adding Regal/Finlay to whatever else obscure gets put up. Sorry for that, what they're putting up is bugging the shit out of me, and I can barely even get around to watching it. ___________________   First match of 15, is Yokozuna w/Mr. Fuji vs. Kevin Kruger. As I've said, I don't do squashes on the NWA or PTW shows. It ends at 2:something with a Banzai Drop. Sorry for the lack of time, I was caught in la-la-land about something that happened yesterday, and forgot to time it. *. ___________________   Reverend Slick(!) follows this up with a promo. WOW. Haven't seen the Rev. Slick gimmick in a LONG time. Great stuff. ___________________   The 2nd match is Big Bossman vs. Barry Hardy. DOINK THE CLOWN comes to the aisleway, and ties something to the guardrails. Well, Bossman wins after a Bossman Slam at 2:something (again, sorry). He goes to the back after handcuffing Hardy to the bottom rope, and we see what was tied onto the guardrails. It's a TRIPWIRE. I really laughed. Bossman trips over it, and Doink laughs at him. *. ___________________   Bill Koby faces Kamala w/Kimchee and Harvey Wippleman next. The big splash gets the pin at 1:56. Kamala couldn't quite figure out how to pin Koby, so they rolled around on the mat for a good sized portion of the match. RETARDED. DUD. The announcers said that Kamala's been different since losing to the Undertaker at Survivor Series. ___________________   Next up, is Rick "the Model" Martel vs. Brian Costello. Martel has the pink thing goin' here, of course. So, he finishes the match at 3:23, with a Boston Crab. At least he let Costello get some offense in. *1/2. ___________________   Gene Okerlund's at the promo area, and he's talking with the WWF Champion, Bret Hart. Bobby Heenan comes out, and introduces us to two wrestlers. One's Ric Flair. The other is Razor Ramon. And they both attack Bret, until Mr. Perfect comes out, to fend both off. It turns into a wild brawl, which the officials come out to break up. Afterward, we see a promo spot with Flair and Razor. Razor's Cuban accent is overly ridiculous at this point, I'm glad they let him tone it down. ___________________   Jameson comes out to the roundtable with Heenan, Jerry Lawler, Sgt. Slaughter and Hillbilly Jim...we'll skip past that. ___________________   The Nasty Boys take on Chris Allen and Gus Kantarakis next, and of course, Doink comes toward the ring again. The Nasties are babyfaces. I don't quite get that. Anyway, Knobs powerslams Allen, and Sags comes off the top giving Allen an elbowdrop, getting the Nasties the pinfall at 2:19. *1/4. Doink gives both Knobs and Sags a gift, one of the gifts being replica tag team titles, and the other being a picture of Money Inc. and Jimmy Hart. Ok.   After the bout and postmatch, there's an ad for WM IX, from the family entertainment capital of the world, Las Vegas. Now, if you think Vegas is somewhere you should take your family, raise your hand...   I don't think I would either. ___________________   Damien Demento squashes Kerry Davis at 2:13, with a neckbreaker and a kneedrop. During the match, the screen split, and one half showed a promo from Demento. TERRIBLE. DUD. Honestly, that's one of the worst gimmicks, if not the worst that I've ever seen. ___________________   Bam Bam Bigelow defeats Mike Collins, in the next match, after a headbutt from the top rope, at 2:24. You rate squashes like this. If you like the spots used, you rate it well. You don't, it sucks. Simple. *1/2. ___________________   The Undertaker and Paul Bearer are now talking about Nailz. They will make him rest in peace, and all that jazz. Good thing this never went anywhere. ___________________   A YOUNG Louie Spicolli takes on El Matador next. Wow, that was a surprise, Spicolli, that is. Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes put Yokozuna over HUGE as a threat to win the Royal Rumble. Not too surprising. Santana finishes the match with the Flying Jalapeno, at 2:49. *1/2. I have to say, everyone's entrance music is great. ___________________   Gene Okerlund has the rundown of the Royal Rumble, in which he announces 6 of the participants, in the Royal Rumble, of course. They are Tatanka, Ted DiBiase, the Undertaker, Bob Backlund, Yokozuna, and the Berzerker. The signing of Rick and Scott Steiner gets announced when the roundtable is shown again, and the two new wrestlers hype their match against the Beverly Brothers at the Royal Rumble. I kinda got lost here, but Mrs. Claus is supposed to be coming up to the roundtable soon. ___________________   The first non-squash match is Papa Shango vs. Marty Jannetty. Yay, Papa Shango!   Marty gives Shango an armwringer, and Shango responds with a chokehold. He misses a charge to the corner, but gets a backdrop anyway. Shango then gives Marty THREE elbowdrops, and applies a neckvice. Shango then misses another charge, and Marty beats him up a bit, until Shawn Michaels makes an appearance. Marty gives Shango a backdrop, but as Marty's distracted by Shawn, Shango gives him an axhandle to the back. Marty gives him two dropkicks, which put Shango on the floor, and then, Marty goes up top, and gives Shango a missile dropkick. Yes, from the top to the floor. Marty begins to chase after Shawn, and gives Shawn a hurricanrana in the aisleway. Unfortunately, he also loses the bout by countout, at 4:43. *, and only for Marty's missile dropkick. ___________________   Razor Ramon faces __________ next. No, the name of the other wrestler was not given, and it'll be impossible to find it. Anyway, he finishes the guy with a Razor's Edge at 2:47. The squashes here are of the short variety, making them good. *1/2. Razor abuses jobbers. ___________________   Mrs. Claus shows up on set, and gives Bobby Heenan a Jameson mug, because Heenan's been naughty. Heenan tells her that he can show her where they keep her misteltoe, and as they go off set, standing under the misteltoe, she slaps Heenan. Heh. ___________________   The Bushwhackers then come out, and pass out gifts, dressed up as Santa Claus. How sweet. ___________________   Skinner's next, facing Bob Backlund. Have I ever mentioned how much I like Skinner?   Both men go on the mat and wrestle, until Bob Backlund gets the best. He takes down Skinner, so Skinner ducks under the top rope, to stall. Skinner gives Backlund a headlock, and Backlund responds with a droptoehold. Backlund wins the TEST OF STRENGTH, and takes Skinner to the canvas. Backlund gives Skinner an atomic drop, but Skinner rolls him up, only getting 1. Skinner slams Backlund, but Backlund rolls Skinner up for the win at 3:42. I really would like to see a match between these two, with more time, of course. *1/4. ___________________   Lavern McGill and Chris Hawn take on Money Inc. w/Jimmy Hart (WWF Tag Team Champions) in a non-title match, and the Million Dollar Dream finishes things up at 2:36. *1/4. The Nasties came on the split-screen during the bout, and said they want Jimmy Hart's head, along with the Tag Titles. ___________________   Crush faces Dark Destiny next. WHO? The HEAD CRUSH finishes the bout at 2:56. *. ___________________   Next up, is GILLBERG vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer. It's just Dwayne Gill, but who cares. It'll always be Gillberg to me. The TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER finishes at 1:53, and Taker puts Gill in a bodybag. *. ___________________   The Headshrinkers w/Afa take on Matthew Williams and David Morgan next. Doink comes out, and hits a child on the head with a rubber mallet. Kinda funny. Samu finishes the bout after a diving headbutt from the top, at 2:16. At least all the squashes have been short. *. ___________________   Lastly, Vince McMahon talks about the debut of MONDAY NIGHT RAW on January 11th. We'll be seeing that next month on WWE 24/7. Afterward, we go to a Bret Hart promo, talking to, well, who else but.......SANTA CLAUS. All Bret wants for Christmas is to be able to face the best in the World Wrestling Federation. ___________________   Show's over.   Rating: Poor. The non-squashes weren't too great, so the show wasn't either. I'm glad I got to see so many matches, though. That's a positive.   Best Segment: Razor and Flair attacking Bret, until Perfect made the save.   Worst Segment: Damien Demento. Simple as that. ___________________   Ok, I'll do Tribute to the Troops '06 next. I'm interested to see that one.
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Review: WWE Bad Blood 2003 (RAW), from Houston, Texas; 6/15/2003.

This is the first brand-exclusive PPV, as I'm sure you all are aware of. ___________________   Anyway, the first match is Christopher Nowinski and Rodney Mack w/Theodore Long vs. The Dudley BoyZ. Emphasis on the Z. Nowinski’s wearing a metal face protector, because of his nasal problems.   Blow-by-Blow: You see, on Sunday Night Heat, the guys facing the Dudley's insisted that Bubba Ray is possibly a racist. Or that's what I got from it, because, you know, Bubba's always ordering D-Von to get the tables. Why can't he do it himself? Anyway, Mack and D-Von start the match, and Mack misses a charge to the corner, so D-Von clotheslines him. It only gets a 2 count, so Mack gives D-Von a jawbreaker and tags out. Nowinski is given a drop-toe hold by D-Von, which allows Bubba to come in and gives Nowinski a shoulderblock. You have no idea how hard it is to not type Nowitzki in place of Nowinski. Moving forward, Rodney Mack gives Bubba a clothesline, but Bubba responds by crushing both he and Nowinski in the corner. Both Mack and Nowinski get tossed out of the ring, but Bubba brings Nowinski right back in, the hard way. A Bubba splash gets D-Von a 2 count, but D-Von misses a charge to the buckle. Mack then rams D-Von nut-first into the post, before tagging in and giving him an elbowdrop for 2. Mack gives D-Von a spinebuster, but it only gets 2, as does a Nowinski splash after the tag. To the 2nd rope he goes, but he misses an elbowdrop, which allows Bubba to tag in. Clothesline, backdrop, sidewalk slam for a 2 count. Nowinski misses a charge to the corner, so Bubba gives him a crossbody(?) for a 2 count. Here comes the WAZZUP headbutt, after D-Von and Mack fought for a bit on the outside. GET THE TABLES, but D-Von’s having second thoughts. Why can’t Bubba do it? Anyway, Mack clotheslines D-Von over the top, and Nowinski hits Bubba with the METAL MASK for the three count at 7:07. Match Analysis: That was kind of a surprise. Not in a good way, though. Never could stand Rodney Mack...he was almost instant turn off the television type material. We’ll give this one my favorite rating, which is *1/2. ___________________   The Redneck Triathlon between Steve Austin and Eric Bischoff is right now...good God. The first event is a BURPING CONTEST. The last burp, if not all of them, was/were obviously fake. Austin wins. Whoop-de-doo! ___________________   Test and Scott Steiner are now going to face each other for Stacy Keibler’s managerial services.   Blow-by-Blow: Could there be a worse matchup? Is this the type of thing which makes you glad to have brand exclusive PPV’s? Steiner tries to leap off the apron onto Test...and falls on his face. I busted up, even though I’ve seen it much more than once. Back in the ring, Steiner gives Test a clothesline and an elbowdrop, before doing some pushups...which causes Test to bail to the outside. He uses Stacy as a human shield, then whips Steiner into the steps after a bit. Back inside, Test gives Steiner a slam, and does some pushups of his own. After a Test sleeper, Steiner misses a charge to the corner, allowing Test to make the trip up top. Steiner catches Test on the way down, and gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. After a few clotheslines and a powerslam, Steiner goes for a 10 punch. Test quickly regains control after that, with a full nelson slam for 2. No pumphandle slam though, so Steiner gives Test a reverse DDT for 2. Test then pushes Steiner into the buckle, and finally gives him the pumphandle slam, but it only gets 2. Test now grabs Stacy, but she slaps him. Steiner charges at Test, but Test avoids it and gives him a big boot for 2. Test has a chair, but Stacy tries to take it away. He pushes her to the ground, hits the top rope so that the chair hits him in the face, and a Steiner downward spiral gets the pinfall win at 6:34. Match Analysis: The less said, the better. Although I’ll admit, it was still better than I thought it would be. 1/2*. ___________________   Bischoff and Austin are in the back, preparing for their pie eating contest. Well, lookie here, Bischoff has some nice poontang pie. Well, Bischoff wants to go first. Austin says sure, but he gets to pick which one Bischoff, well, eats. ___________________ Now, we move forward to Booker T vs. Christian for the Intercontinental Championship.   Blow-by-Blow: They lock up to start, and after a Christian armdrag, Booker gives him a shoulderblock. After a hiptoss, Booker gives Christian a bodyslam and takes him down with a headlock. Booker backdrops Christian for a one count, and gives him a spinebuster for 2. Christian rams Booker into the steel steps after a few punches, then goes to a chinlock...which thankfully doesn't last long at all. Booker misses a charge to the corner, but he gives Christian a flapjack anyway. After a flying forearm, Booker gives Christian a sidewalk slam for a 2 count. A side kick gets 2, and after a hotshot, a reverse DDT gets the same. Christian misses a charge to the corner, but he still is able to pin Booker with his hand on the ropes for a 2 count. Christian gives Booker a uranage for a 2 count, but Booker quickly responds with a small package for 2. Christian tosses Booker onto the apron, but Booker responds with the SCISSOR KICK, and a missile dropkick for a 2 count. Booker does a SPINAROONIE after another side kick, which gives Christian to bail out, and head to the back. AHHH. Well, the referee says that Christian better get his ass back to the ring or he'll lose his belt. Once, just ONCE, I want someone to keep walking and give up their title. It would be the ultimate in chicken-shit moves. Booker chases Christian back into the ring after he bailed out again, so Christian hits him with his title belt to get disqualified at 7:52. Match Analysis: I know WWE was on this town killing kick back in 2003, but seriously, WHAT THE FUCK are you doing here? I swear, WWE was intentionally trying to draw people away from their product. People paid good money to watch this shit, this isn't an episode of Monday Night Raw. Or is it. Match was **, but the booking is as fucking stupid as it gets. ___________________   Kevin Nash is warming up in the back...   Now, Jerry Lawler introduces part two of the Redneck Triathlon, which is the pie eating contest. Of course, Bischoff is supposed to go first. Austin makes a few jokes about mature women, before calling out Bischoff's slice of pie...Mae Young. Oh no. Well, she takes off her skirt, revealing a thong. UGH. She gives Bischoff a broncobuster...and now, it's Austin's turn. He says no thanks, and gives her a STUNNER. It's now 1 to 1.   Gail Kim hype video... ___________________   Next match is La Resistance vs. Rob Van Dam and Kane for the World Tag Team Titles.   Blow-by-Blow: First though, La Resistance talked with Jonathan Coachman. Yeah yeah yeah. Rene Dupree and RVD start, and they start by, you know, squaring off. Dupree does that stupid dance of his, so RVD rolls him up for 2. A spinning heel kick follows, and then a springboard crossbody, which gets a 2 count. RVD cradles Dupree for 2, but Sylvan Grenier quickly comes in and allows Dupree to gain control with a DDT for 2. Dupree goes to the chinlock, but RVD replies with an enziguri so he can tag in Kane. Kane gives Grenier a big boot, and tosses Dupree over the top rope. He gives Grenier a sidewalk slam for 2, then goes up to the top, and comes down with a big clothesline for 2. La Resistance gain control as best they can, with a double neckbreaker, but Kane comes right back and clotheslines both of them. A flying kick from RVD lands on Dupree, so RVD backdrops Dupree over the top. RVD flies out with a TOPE CON HILO, but he connects with Kane just as much as he does with his opponents. They bring him back in, double chokeslam, pinfall victory and new champs at 5:47.   Match Analysis: This really is an episode of RAW, isn't it. Fuck. What a waste of my time that match was. *. I still cannot think of any positives (in regards to the fanbase) of these brand exclusive PPV's. I just cannot. While it's good that some guys get a PPV payday, there is little, if any benefit for those paying their hard earned money to watch this. ___________________   Hype video for Goldberg vs. Chris Jericho...and we go to the match.   Blow-by-Blow: I don't want to get started on Goldberg's WWE run, so we'll start the match off with Goldberg tackling Jericho, knocking Jericho out of the ring. Goldberg brings Jericho in and slams him to the canvas, twice. He misses a charge though, but still gives Jericho a press slam. A press slam in which Goldberg drops Jericho nuts-first onto the top rope, that is. Then Goldberg drops Jericho onto the retaining barrier at ringside, but he misses a SPEAR, and goes through it. Ouch. Jericho now rams Goldberg's shoulder into the ringpost, and now, Goldberg's bleeding. Barely. Jericho gives Goldberg a missile dropkick for 2, then he wrenches Goldberg's arm in the bottom rope. Goldberg replies with a shoulderblock, but Jericho gives him a single-arm DDT and goes to the armbar. Goldberg kicks Jericho in the mush, and gives him an inverted atomic drop. Jericho quickly conters with a DDT for 2, and after Goldberg misses a charge to the corner, Jericho gives Goldberg a dropkick. That's followed up with a facebuster, and a LIONSAULT, but Jericho only gets a 2 count. Here's another Jericho facebuster, but Goldberg slams him instead of being given another LIONSAULT. SPEAR, no to the JACKHAMMER, because Jericho gives Goldberg a low blow. WALLS OF JERICHO, but Goldberg kicks off Jericho and runs to the corner. SPEAR, JACKHAMMER, Goldberg wins by pinfall at 10:59.   Match Analysis: This was pretty good, thanks to Jericho. Not to say that Goldberg didn't do his share of the work, it's just that Jericho has/had the ability to make almost any match a watchable one, at the least. Easily the best match on the show thus far, and we'll slap a *** rating on it. ___________________   The third spin of the Redneck Triathlon wheel leaves us with....a sing-off! Bischoff is happy because he KNOWS that Austin can't sing. ___________________   Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair is up next...   Blow-by-Blow: See, Flair attacked Shawn Michaels in a tag match after they agreed to face each other, so this thing isn't about respect anymore. They lock-up at the start, then break and Flair struts. Shawn applies a hammerlock, and takes Flair down to the canvas, before walking over him just like I walk on the carpet that's currently below my feet. He then slaps Flair, which causes Flair to take Shawn down to the mat. After Shawn gets to the ropes, he gives Flair a drop-toe hold, and a clothesline that sends Flair over the top and to the floor. Shawn follows Flair out with a pescado, then brings Flair back in for a shoulderblock. Flair chops away, but Shawn goes for a 10 punch in the corner. After that 10 punch, Flair comes out of the corner with a chopblock, and goes to work on the leg. He kneedrops Shawn's left leg, and applies the FIGURE-FOUR, to many cheers. Shawn breaks the hold, and comes back with an enziguri and a backdrop. Shawn misses a charge to the corner, so Flair goes up top...only to be slammed down to the canvas. Flair blocks SWEET CHIN MUSIC, but Shawn responds with a small package for 2. Shawn now goes to the FIGURE-FOUR, but Flair thumbs him in the eye, and tries a back suplex. No to that, and we've got a ref bump. Shawn sends Flair into the corner and upside down, so when Flair runs onto the top rope, Shawn clotheslines him on the way down. Shawn gives Flair a superplex, before looking under the ring for a table, which he finds. It's set up on the outside, but Flair's now up, and tries to suplex Shawn out of the ring. That won't happen, so Shawn rams Flair into the steel steps and places Flair on the table. Randy Orton tries to run through the crowd and attack Shawn, but HBK gives him SWEET CHIN MUSIC. Shawn goes to the top, and SPLASHES Flair THROUGH THE TABLE. Good. The back of Flair's head is bleeding as both wrestlers climb into the ring, and at the corner, Flair gives both HBK and the referee a low blow. Shawn goes into the regular offense, which starts with a flying forearm and a kip-up. After a bodyslam, Shawn goes to the top, and drops the elbow on Flair. TUNE UP THE BAND, SWEET CHIN MUSIC...but Randy Orton hits Shawn with a chair, and Flair covers Michaels for 3 at 14:19.   Match Analysis: Average match, but the table spot bumps the match up a bit. Somewhat less that what I expected, unfortunately. **3/4. Clearly, it's nice to see Flair getting a victory over a big name during his WWE run, as that was not exactly commonplace, especially in 2003. ___________________   Eric Bischoff is down for part 3 of the Redneck Triathlon...he's going to sing his theme music! Ha, he's not singing! He's lipping it. Austin notices that, and tells him to actually begin singing. Bischoff does, and it sucks. Austin says, well, we're going to re-spin the wheel, as a compromise. It 'lands' on Pig Pen Fun. The winner of this is the one who tosses the other into the pig pen. Austin gives Bischoff a STUNNER, takes him to the stage, and tosses him into the pig pen, to win the Redneck Triathlon. -***** for the entire thing. I don't know, why couldn't they do this on RAW? What makes this worth paying for, anyway? ___________________   Kevin Nash vs. HHH is your Hell in a Cell main event for the World Heavyweight Title, and Mick Foley is your special guest referee.   Blow-by-Blow: None of the referees wanted to officiate this, explaining Foley's appearance. Anyhow, we start, as HHH attacks Nash in the ring. Nash tosses HHH out, but in we go quickly, where they trade punches. Nash pushes HHH into Foley, and then he lines up HHH in the corner for his elbows and knees combo. Nash gives HHH a back elbow and clotheslines him over the top, before ramming him into the post on the outside. He tosses HHH into the cell, and slams him on the floor, before bringing him into the ring. A sidewalk slam from Nash gets 2, and so does two elbowdrops. Nash hits HHH in the mid-section with a chair, and then in the back. Outside now, and Nash picks HHH up so he can ram him into the cell. Then the steps, and HHH tries to run away...only for Nash to toss the steps at him. But they miss, and HHH rams Nash into the other set of steel steps. On the inside now, Nash tries the JACKKNIFE, but HHH takes him to the canvas, before going out to look for more weapons. HHH finds a tool box, and he pulls the lid off, to hit Nash with. Instead, he grabs a hammer out of the box, and hits Nash in the knee with it. Then in the head, and Nash is busted open. Foley pushes HHH down as they argue, and when HHH gets up, he grinds Nash's face into the cell. HHH now has a screwdriver after a bit more of that, and he stabs Nash in the face with it. Awesome. Now HHH grabs a BARBED WIRE 2x4, with which he hits Nash in the gut. Nash then takes the 2x4, and clobbers HHH in the head with it, making him bleed. Nash sets the 2x4 up at the buckle, and after two clotheslines, Nash snake eyes HHH onto the 2x4. The cover only gets 2, so Nash is about to turn to DRASTIC MEASURES. Drastic meaning, bringing in the steel steps from the outside. HHH hits Nash with a wooden box, and he's got the SLEDGEHAMMER! Foley takes it away, so HHH hits him. Nash drop-toe-holds HHH into the steel steps, but that only gets a 2 count. HHH kicks Nash in the knee, so he can hit both Foley and Nash in the head with a steel chair. Foley's bleeding like mad, but he's got Mr. Socko, which finds its way into the mouth of HHH. HHH kicks Foley in the nuts, and Nash hits Foley with the steps on accident, so he's out of commission. HHH knocks Foley off the apron and into the cell, on accident...and tries to give Nash the PEDIGREE. Nash slingshots HHH into the buckle where the 2x4 is currently sitting, but the JACKKNIFE and pinfall only get a TWO count. HHH crawls his way to the corner, and grabs the SLEDGEHAMMER, which he uses to knock Nash woozy for a bit. PEDIGREE, pinfall victory for HHH at 21:03. End show.   Match Analysis: It was actually quite good, but the finish really lacked gusto. They could've fought over the SLEDGEHAMMER, but HHH crawling over and using it without any resistance from Nash was pretty lame, to say the least. ***1/4, with a quarter knocked off for the finish. I take my ratings seriously. Honestly though, this was pretty good, and it adds another name to this question...   ___________________   Rating: Bad. Not exactly how you'd like to start the brand exclusive PPV formula. Not even two *** matches can save this one from being called bad, the first half of the show was just a pile of trash. And on the "would I be pissed if I paid for it" scale, it's about an 8, in the negative section. Plus, the Booker T vs. Christian finish is icing on the cake.   Best Segment: Triple H vs. Kevin Nash. I suppose it's a good thing that so many matches have been rated equally recently, because then I don't have to choose what's the best.   Worst Segment: Redneck Triathlon. Never.Repeat.Again. ___________________   Next, I'll review the house shows that were aired on 24/7 this month. Arrivederci!  
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Review: WWF King of the Ring 1994, 6/16/1994; from Baltimore, Maryland.

It took me a while to watch this, but I finally did. I had to make time. ___________________   After our National Anthem and introduction of our commentary team (including Art Donovan!), we have Razor Ramon taking on Bam Bam Bigelow in a King of the Ring Quarterfinal Bout.   - Nearly forgot, Bam Bam's accompanied by his MAIN SQUEEZE, Luna Vachon. Like the matchup.   - Razor toothpicked Luna, which allowed Bam Bam to attack. Back and forth stuff, until a Bam Bam resthold, which is a TORTURE RACK. Seriously. Bam Bam goes to the top after some nice moves, but Razor schoolboy's him from the top rope for the victory at 8:25.   Crowd's happy, but the match was nothing special at all. While I liked the matchup, the match itself wasn't so good in execution. Glad we didn't see more from these two, and if we did on television, I haven't seen it. *3/4. ___________________   Todd Pettingill is with Mabel and IRS, and Irwin cuts a bad promo. He does that quite a bit. Mabel's, however, is okay. ___________________ IRS vs. Mabel w/Oscar is obviously our next Quarterfinal Match.   - Oscar raps. That's about it. IRS walks out with no music, and talks about the tax cheats that are populating our crowd tonight.   - I hate Mabel, btw. I hate Art Donovan too. That said, this match could be much worse. Mabel goes up to the second rope, but IRS shakes the ropes, knocking him down. IRS pins Mabel, for the victory at 5:39.   While saying it could be much worse, it's still bad. Bad enough to slap a 1/2* on it and do my best to forget the whole thing. THE WHOLE THING. ___________________   While Stan Lane does an interview with Lex Luger, we watch the video that led to Lex Luger not being able to make the King of the Ring proceedings tonight, as he lost to Jeff Jarrett. Crush attacked. ___________________   Tatanka is facing Owen Hart in our third King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match...   - All that pink. Nice to see Owen. My cousin thinks that Tatanka will win, btw.   - Razor and IRS were fighting in the back, as Owen and Tatanka went to a chinlock. Good timing! Tatanka tries a sunset flip during his comeback, but Owen sits on him for the three count at 8:20.   Quite good. Better than I remembered as well. Tatanka's no **** guy, but he could work back in the day. Which was good, I mean, with that gimmick and all. **3/4. ___________________   Todd Pettingill is with Shawn Michaels and Diesel, interviewing them before Diesel's big match later on. We flashback to their attack on Bret Hart during RAW a few weeks ago, as well. ___________________   In our last King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match, we have Jeff Jarrett vs. The 1-2-3 Kid.   - Jarrett's ring attire is always really homosexual. The way Art Donovan asks about everyone is super annoying. Is it too much to ask that the guest commentator be educated about the product?   - Jarrett gives Kid a SLINGSHOT SUPLEX...awesome. If I was a wrestler, some variation of that would be my finisher. Kid pushed Jarrett off the top and crossbodied him for two, I haven't watched this in a while, but I was sure it was over. Jarrett tries a FIGURE-FOUR, but Kid cradles him for the win at 4:39. Jarrett attacks after the match...ONE PILEDRIVER. TWO PILEDRIVER. THREE PILEDRIVER. I believe the 1-2-3 Kid has died.   **1/2, post-match attack included. How could anyone not like that beatdown. I'll reference this beatdown later. ___________________   A video for the New Generation shows up (also to be referenced later), and then, Bret Hart cuts a promo. Obviously, for the next match. ___________________   Champion vs. Champion, Diesel (Intercontinental Champion) w/Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart w/Jim Neidhart for the World Wrestling Federation Championship.   - Bret's new theme debuts. Description of this match and others in the future that I find to be needing it will be more detailed. We'll see if Diesel carries his share of the load. After Diesel missed a charge and his knee rammed into the ringpost, Bret went to work. Really went to work. Shawn clotheslines Bret with the referees back turned, ending that. So Neidhart gives chase, but he can't catch Shawn.   - Diesel botches a bearhug, and winds up in Bret's guard on the canvas. OOPS, wrong form of entertainment. Bret misses a pescado, as the ten minute mark passes...   - Constant double teams on Bret follow, and with the referee distracted, Shawn loosens a turnbuckle pad. I suppose Diesel has carried his share of the load. Bret rams Diesel into the exposed turnbuckle, and applies the SHARPSHOOTER. Shawn's going nuts on the outside, and when Diesel gets out of the hold, he can't even do an Irish whip. That blown up. Bret gives Diesel a ROLLING BOSTON CRAB when Diesel stands over him, but Diesel makes the ropes. Diesel hits Neidhart and Shawn clocks Bret with a title belt, then Diesel elbowdrops Bret, for two. Neidhart runs in, and clotheslines Diesel after a JACKKNIFE on Bret, leading to a DQ win for Diesel at 22:51. Then Neidhart leaves, and Shawn piledrives Bret, leading to officials making their entry and forcing the heels to the back.   Epic carryjob from Bret here. No doubt Nash's best match to that point. ***1/2, even though he was blown up near the end. ___________________   After Pettingill interviews Jerry Lawler, we have Razor Ramon vs. IRS in our first King of the Ring Semifinal Match.   - IRS cuts an awful promo, one the likes of which cannot even be repeated in seriousness. Geez, keep the guy away from the mic. One good thing about this, it's the end of Razor and IRS' little vendetta. Razor dominates a boring contest, and finishes with THE EDGE at 5:13.   *. Not bery fun. ___________________ Todd Pettingill was supposed to interview the 1-2-3 Kid, but he didn't show up for the interview. HOWEVER, he made it to the ring for his King of the Ring Semifinal Match against Owen Hart.   - Owen gave Kid a baseball slide to start, which hurt Kid's neck even more. Then both guys go to war. Could you imagine if this match had gone, say, 12-15 minutes? Owen powerbombs Kid on a Kid rana attempt, and Owen locks in the SHARPSHOOTER. Kid gives at 3:38.   Wow, what a short little match. *** easy. Felt like WCW Nitro with the bumps and overall shortness. ___________________   Stan Lane and Ted DiBiase are talking during a 900 line thing, then we have Yokozuna and Crush w/Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette vs. The Headshrinkers w/Captain Lou Albano and Afa for the WWF Tag Team Titles.   - Fatworld. Would it have been so hard to have the Steiners hold the belts longer or more often? Seriously, after the Bret/Owen breakup, have the Quebecers drop the belts. Not some bullshit with Men on a Mission. Not interested in this match, but I like this version of Crush much better. He's a tough dude.   - Lex Luger ran down and distracted Crush, but it didn't lead to a Headshrinker victory. Close though. Fatu superkicks Crush, and that does get the win at 9:34. Luger and Crush fight, and the Headshrinkers come in to help Luger get the best of it. Yay!   Who cares, really, just a throwaway matchup involving a makeshift team and a pile of shit team. *1/2. Meaningless. ___________________   Todd Pettingill interviews Owen Hart before his match with Razor Ramon, in the King of the Ring Final. Nothing important was said.   - I like Razor's back suplex off the top. Owen backdrops him out on a RAZOR'S EDGE attempt, and the Anvil comes down to clothesline Razor. Uh...   - Owen comes off the top with a big elbowdrop, getting the pinfall win at 6:36.   Sizeable babyface reaction, not that I blame anyone. Owen was always very likeable, even during this phase. **1/4. ___________________   While they're putting the boots to Razor, Raymond Rougeau is with Bret Hart, who doesn't really care about Owen's King of the Ring victory.   Coronation. Owen makes Todd Pettingill get on his knees, and then proclaims himself to be the KING OF HARTS! ___________________   Finally, our main event, which exemplifies our NEW GENERATION. Jerry Lawler vs. Roddy Piper.   - Lawler talked trash, before Piper's bagpipe entrance. Lawler humiliated some kid on RAW, and Piper brings the kid with him to the ring. Piper came to kick ass, he says.   - This isn't as bad as I thought it would be. When I watched this show the first time around, I used my fast-forward button. A piledriver occurs, which has lost its impact after the four times it's been used earlier. Lawler has brass knuckles, hits Piper, as the referee is out. The kid keeps Lawler from getting the win, and Piper back suplexes Lawler for the win at 12:16.   Thank God that's over. A DUD for sure. Of course, I'm trying to be nice. That match was awful. ___________________   Rating: Poor. A very poor outing from the WWF. Owen winning KotR is choice. The rest, blah.   Best Segment: Bret vs. Diesel. Strange with the Anvil and all.   Worst: Lawler vs. Piper. Duh. ___________________   I'll review RAW and Nitro sometime soon.  
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Review: WWF from Boston Garden; 3/18/1989.

Tony and Lord Alfred are sitting at ringside for this much awaited event... ___________________   First match is the Young Stallions vs. Los Conquistadors.   - The Conquistadors constant switching in and out is always nice. But I'm not interested in the match at all. It's an okay match, I just don't care. A Roma missile dropkick leads to the pinfall victory for the Young Stallions at 14:58. **. ___________________   Judy Martin vs. Rockin' Robin is teh fast forward time. Sorry. ___________________   Mr. Perfect vs. Ronnie Garvin is the next bout.   - I've never seen Garvin so juiced up. Most everyone hit the juice real hard once they went up north, so I'm not surprised. Lots of chop trading and overselling. And chinlocks!   - GARVIN STOMP. Yeah, that's lame. Perfect reverses a Garvin crossbody from the top for the win at 14:23. *1/2. Too much chinlocking. ___________________   Leaping Lanny Poffo read us a WrestleMania V promo...he's gone heel now! Got quite a bit of heat. ___________________   The Brainbusters vs. The Rockers is up...   - Oh God, what a match this is going to be. Stereo dropkicks by the Rockers! After Arn's in for oh, about ten minutes, Tully tags in, and the Rockers give them stereo FIGURE-FOURS!   - Tony calling a match with Tully and Arn involved is TOO NWA for me. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Jannetty's been in for a really long time. Once Shawn makes the tag and the Rockers go on a roll, Shawn hits a big splash from Marty's shoulders onto Tully, but Arn pulls the referee out. So, the Brainbusters get disqualified at 22:27. What a lengthy match. Good stuff, but lacking oomph. And a finish. I believe their match at MSG that's on the Shawn DVD was better. ***1/2. ___________________   The Brooklyn Brawler is set to face The Red Rooster.   - Poor Terry Taylor. Brawler teased leaving, but, you know, he came back. Chinlocks are far too numerous in this bout, and seeing as the crowd didn't care in the first place, I don't blame the two for their use of them. Taylor wins with a backslide at 11:22. Yes, a backslide. *. ___________________   Bad News Brown vs. Hercules looks, um, strange.   - Yeah, strange. Bad News would've been a good dude to use during the Attitude Era. Bad News uses weapons, like the bell and a wooden chair. Both men fly to the outside, that's a double countout at 6:04. Bad News dumped Hercules to the outside, but the chain scared Bad News away. Throwaway match. 1/2*. ___________________   The Rougeau Brothers and Dino Bravo w/Frenchy Martin are set to face Jim Duggan and the Bushwhackers.   - All American Boys! Love that song. However, oh God, the Bushwhackers. Could've done without them. I hate these comedy matches, but this one has a lot more serious wrestling. Duggan cleans house, then hits Raymond with the 2x4, allowing Butch to pick up the pinfall victory at 11:35. 3/4*. ___________________   Big Bossman w/Slick is set to take on Hulk Hogan inside of a Steel Cage.   - Great main. Fast action early, as Slick tosses Bossman a chain. Referee opened the door to check both guys after the chainshot, and Hogan's up at 9. Hogan can't get through the door, so he suplexes Bossman instead. Hogan hits Bossman with the chain, and he's busted wide open. You could see the marks from Bossman's bladejob earlier in the day. Quite clearly! Big legdrop, up the cage, but Slick's holding on tight to Hogan's leg. Hogan kicks him away, and crotches Bossman on the top. He takes Slick's handcuffs, handcuffs Bossman to the top rope, and Hogan goes over and out for the win at 9:17. Hogan hits Bossman with the ringbell and tosses Slick into the cage. Hogan poses in the ring, and the show's over.   Their match earlier in the day at MSG was better. I remember it from an old Hulkamania video I rented at the old videostore a long time back. I could be mistaken, but I am 100% sure that match had a Hogan superplex from the top of the cage. This one was only ***. I don't know how they were able to run both MSG and Boston Garden in one day. Crazy. All the matches had the same winner, and in the case of Bad News/Hercules, the same double countout. ___________________   Rating: Good. Too much crud to wade through, but having two *** matches on a show from the 80's is a positive.   Best Segment: I love cage matches. Rockers/Busters was better, but cage matches are my favorite. So the main event. AGAIN.   Worst Segment: Bad News vs. Hercules really sucked. ___________________   ECW time next time. Living Dangerously 1999.
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The Beginning

This is definitely going to be interesting as here I'm going to post my thoughts on happenings throughout the sports world. This thing will be used for my rants and hopefully some of you will enjoy it.   So here's the first thing I'm going to discuss, bowl scheduling.     Ok, so did the bowl representatives royally fuck this one up? There aren't any remotely interesting matchups until the 27th of November, and that day is only relevant so that we can hopefully see Tommy Bowden run the score up on everyone's favorite coach, Gary Barnett. I'm really not interested in many of these games that pit a mid major against a large conference team. So many of these games seem to be obvious wins, but in bowl games suspensions and injuries during practice happen and the winner is dictated on the field.   The BCS sucks and I'm ready for it to be gone. How much longer do we have to wait until a bad Florida State team doesn't make it into the BCS?   I'll evaluate all of these bowl matchups the day before the games are to occur.   Comments are appreciated.    
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12/5/05

When I can't think of a good title I'll just use the date, but I think right now it's the right time to talk about the Dodgers signing Rafael Furcal and one of the important games in the NFL that took place on Sunday.   So, the Dodgers signed Rafael Furcal to a 3 year 40 million dollar contract. This makes them a contender in a poor NL West and I think that if JD Drew can magically find a way to avoid the injury bug, we could be looking at a 90 win team. Furcal creates run opportunities for the team and that's something that the Dodgers haven't had since they traded Dave Roberts. I'm looking forward to see what he can do in L.A..   Was anyone else shocked that the Bengals actually went into Heinz Field and beat the Steelers? I think Carson Palmer is one of the better quarterbacks in the league and that by the end of his career, he could have a few rings on his fingers. Chad Johnson disappointed, but I don't know if that was due to his ankle being injured during the game or not.   Ben Roethlisberger is a gamer, enough said.   As usual, comments are wanted and appreciated.
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Heisman Stuff

Well, we now know who the Heisman finalists are, and is there any surprise? I think that there should have been more guys invited than there were, namely Brady Quinn and Drew Olson, but the voters did pick the correct 3 players.   I think that the Heisman winner should be Reggie Bush, but the fact that Vince Young had one of the best seasons in recent memory should not be forgotten. If Vince had performed like this last year, he would have been the guy going for his second Heisman, and not Matt Leinart. Also, it's nice to see that the 3 Heisman finalists will all be in the National Title game.   Some other stuff:   The Lakers played well tonight, I hope to see the development of Lamar Odom in the triangle progress.   The Kings beat the Leafs last night, which ended their 4 game downer. They play Carolina tomorrow.   The Dodgers are looking to acquire Alfonso Soriano, which isn't a move that I'm too sold on. I don't like his defensive play and his "all-or-nothing" swing won't really work in Los Angeles.   Comments are wanted and appreciated.
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