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Review: WWE Cyber Sunday 2007, from Washington D.C., 11/28/2007.

I wanted to watch this, just because of the WWE Title Match. The rest looks good on paper, but not too exciting. ___________________   What in the world is this opening video? It's funny, though, as is the entrance setup. It's funny, but absurd all the same. ___________________   The first match is Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio in a...STRETCHER MATCH. Have to push the stretcher with your opponent on it over the line, remember? The other choices were a shillelagh on a pole match, and a NO DQ match.   Blow-by-blow: This should be fun, but for some reason, this show doesn't feel like a PPV. We lock-up, and Finlay pushes Rey away. Both slap each other, and Finlay takes Rey to the canvas. Finlay knees Rey in the back, and tosses him shoulder-first into the ringpost. Finlay clotheslines Rey, and tosses him onto the stretcher, which was outside of the ring. He tossed him like a fish at that place in Seattle. Anyway, here's a lot of stretcher based stuff. Rey kicks the stretcher into Finlay, but Finlay stops that and gives him a front suplex onto the stretcher. Finlay tosses him into the apron, and begins to wheel Rey towards the line, but it's not the end. Finlay gets in the ring, and gives Rey a European uppercut. Finlay rams Rey's throat into the ring apron, but Rey comes back with a flying headscissors, and a seated dropkick. We go to the outside, where Rey kicks Finlay in the head. Both men get in the ring, and go for the shillelagh that's on that pole over there. Finlay ries to get it first, but he's not able to, as Rey dropkicks him in the nuts. Rey goes for the shillelagh , but Finlay pushes him to the canvas. Finlay goes for it, and gets powerbombed off the top by Rey. Rey grabs the shillelagh, and hits Rey in the knee with it, twice. Rey dropkicks Finlay, but gets knocked onto the stretcher. Rey gets off, and kicks Finlay in the knee, before ramming the stretcher into Finlay's nuts. Rey gives him a modified 619 at the ring apron, and gives him a somersault pescado while Finlay is on the stretcher. Cool visual. Rey tries to roll Finlay across the line, but the stretcher is caught around a TV cable. HAHAHA. That was funny. Fortunately, the improvisation is very good. Finlay rams Rey into the stretcher and charges at him, but Rey flapjacks him onto the stretcher, causing Finlay's momentum to roll the stretcher across the line, for the win at 9:45.   Match Analysis: I like the improvised finish, and I liked the match just as much. It was good, as I expected, and just as good as their match at No Mercy. Same rating, **1/2. ___________________   Matt Hardy's bleeding on the Smackdown prior to this show was nuts. And his face is MASHED. MVP's with him, and says they can't fight. That said, MVP has a tough match ahead, later.   And then, JBL campaigns to be the referee in the match later, between The Undertaker and Batista.   Last in this run of segments, we have some Diva costume crap. Good Lord. Maria's wearing a cat outfit (very nice), and Victoria's dressed as Yokozuna. Ron Simmons comes into the picture during Victoria's little thing and says, well, what else.   DAMN. ___________________   I guess that's how we lead into the match between...THE MIZ and CM Punk, for the ECW Title. The other choices to challenge Punk were Big Daddy V and John Morrison. Needless to say, I'd rather have seen Punk face the last one than the others.   Blow-by-blow: Both wrestlers lock up, until Miz takes him down. This is a LOT of chain wrestling to start, and it ain't that good. We'll go past that, to when they start doing things right. Punk gives Miz a leg lariat, and a snapmare, before kicking him in the back. Punk gives Miz a slingshot suplex (one of my favorite moves), for a 2 count. Punk knees Miz a bunch, but Miz comes back with a snapmare and a legdrop. Miz goes up top, and Punk prevents him from doing something, trying for a superplex. Punk can't do it, as Miz knocks him to the canvas. Miz gives him a snapmare for 2 (what kind of transition move for a pin is that), and rams Punk to the buckle. Then Miz gives him that running clothesline in the corner, which is the only thing he does that I like. Miz applies a neck vice, but Punk takes him to the canvas. Miz misses a charge to the corner, and Punk gives him a totally messed up springboard crossbody for 2. Wow. Miz was on his knees for some reason...after, Miz gouges Punk's eyes, and pins Punk for 2. Miz applies a chinlock, as the crowd chants "Y2J." Miz suplexes Punk and goes up top, where Punk gives him a pop-up armdrag. Punk runs into Miz, and begins to kick him in the face. Punk gives him the running knee-bulldog combination at the corner, and a springboard clothesline, for 2. Punk goes for the GO 2 SLEEP, but Miz rolls him up for 2. Punk reverses the roll-up for 2, and Miz goes for the REALITY CHECK. He can't get it, so Punk gives him a GO 2 SLEEP for the win at 8:51.   Match Analysis: This crowd is one of the worst I've ever seen, although that has little to do with the match. I'm only giving it 1/4* because the right guy went over, and I like Punk. That said, this was the worst match I've ever seen with him involved. Simply put, the Miz doesn't belong in a wrestling ring. He's AWFUL. I probably should give this a DUD, but I won't. ___________________   Mickie James is dressed like a squaw for this costume contest, and Torrie Wilson is dressed as a Washington Redskin. I can't really describe how unprofessional this whole thing looks.   Now we get some leadup featuring Randy Orton for the WWE Title match a little later...although you can see how hard they were trying to push Shawn Michaels as the fans eventual selection. Todd Grisham's with William Regal, to determine who's going to face Orton later. The two who aren't chosen will fight each other next; the choices are Mr. Kennedy, Shawn Michaels, and Jeff Hardy. And the winner is...Shawn Michaels. Yeehaw. ___________________   So, obviously, our next match is Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Kennedy.   Blow-by-blow: Why isn't this an Intercontinental Title match? They trying to make it seem useless? I also wonder how they determine the payouts to the wrestlers for this show. The two wrestlers lock-up, and Hardy takes Kennedy down to the canvas via a headlock. Kennedy grabs onto a headlock of his own, and turns the move into a hammerlock. He goes behind Hardy, but Hardy takes him down with a headlock of his own. Both wrestlers get up, still in the Hardy headlock, and Kennedy gives him a back suplex. Kennedy misses a charge to the corner, and Hardy dropkicks Kennedy out of the ring. Then Hardy follows him out with a plancha, and brings him back in for 1. Hardy takes Kennedy to the corner for a 10 punch, but Kennedy sneaks away and dumps Hardy to the outside. Kennedy hits him with a running boot as Hardy comes in, for 2. Kennedy goes to the chinlock, but gives Hardy a quick DDT for 2. Back to the chinlock we go as Kennedy has a bodyscissor applied, and then gets a clothesline for 2. He goes up to the 2nd rope, but Hardy follows him, and gives him a rana off there. They slug it out, until Hardy gives him two clotheslines. And then he takes Kennedy hard to the canvas, for 2. Jeff goes for the TWIST OF FATE, but gets pushed toward the turnbuckle, where he climbs up and gives Kennedy a WHISPER IN THE WIND, but it only gets a 2 count. Hardy gives Kennedy that weird enziguri he does, and tries to dropkick Kennedy in the corner, but Kennedy swipes his feet, causing Hardy to land on his head. That gets Kennedy the pinfall at 9:07.   Match Analysis: I suppose it was ok, it was just a typical RAW match. I've seen better, and I've seen worse. **, but it was heatless, just like everything else. ___________________   Michelle McCool's dressed as Eve, and Melina's dressed like a Las Vegas showgirl.   Mick Foley's in the back for an interview, but JBL says that nobody gives a damn about Foley. So, JBL runs a campaign video...it's mostly a SMEAR CAMPAIGN! Once that's over, seeing as Foley's standing next to two of those Fathead things (one being Batista, the other, Taker), he calls JBL a fathead. That was kinda funny. ___________________   Our next match is...KANE vs. MVP for the US Title. The other choices to face MVP were the Great Khali and Mark Henry. Needless to say, Kane was the best choice.   Blow-by-blow: MVP bails at the beginning, to take off the t-shirt he's wearing. Smart move, to waste time, anyway. They slug it out, until Kane hits him with a big boot. Kane clotheslines him twice, and gives him a side slam for 2. Kane goes up to the top rope, but MVP knocks him off, and down to the floor, where MVP quickly brings him in. He kicks Kane, and gets a two count, as he begins to go to work on Kane's midsection. He pounds on him, and gives Kane a running big boot, for 2. MVP applies a seated abdominal stretch, and kicks away at Kane's ribs when the hold has to be released. Kane finally takes over, and begins to do the same things MVP was doing. He goes with some knees to the gut, and a backbreaker. He applies an abdominal stretch, and then picks him up and rams him into the turnbuckle. Kane places MVP along the top rope, and kicks him in the gut. That was cool. Kane rams the ribs of MVP into the ringpost and...MVP stays out of the ring for a 10 count, giving Kane the countout victory at 6:39.   Match Analysis: This was headed in the right direction, that being the "this is a hell of a match" direction. And then we had that finish, washing all that goodwill down the toilet. DUD on principle. ___________________   Before anything else, here's a Chris Jericho re-debut spot.   And now, Layla talks about the costume contest, while dressed as a cop. And Kelly Kelly's supposed to be a pimp. Let's not even talk about how gigantic her tits look.   Randy Orton's in the back, and we see video of what he did to HBK at Judgment Day. And now, everyone will have to live with the decision they made, seemingly because he's going to do the same tonight. ___________________   So, our next match is what I've been waiting for, Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.   Blow-by-blow: Both men lock-up, and separate, before Orton gives Shawn a nice knee to the gut. He works Shawn over, until Shawn does the same. Orton ducks out of the ring on a faux SWEET CHIN MUSIC attempt, and Shawn follows him with that somersault pescado he's been doing lately. We go back in, where Shawn chops away, until Orton gives him a droptoehold. Orton grabs onto a front facelock, but Shawn reverses it into a hammerlock and tosses Orton shoulder-first into the ringpost. Shawn takes him down with a wristlock, and goes to work on the left arm. Then Shawn gives Orton a hammerlock slam, and applies a kelock. Orton gets up and stomps on Shawn's face, but misses a charge to the corner. Shawn applies a hammerlock, and gives Orton a back suplex at the same time. Shawn tosses Orton over the top and follows him to the outside, but Orton gives him a back suplex onto the retaining wall. Ouch. Orton brings Shawn in, and begins to stomp on his arm and knee. He gives Shawn a dropkick for 2, and goes to the chinlock. When Shawn powers out, Orton misses a dropkick, so Shawn gives him a jackknife pin, for 2. Orton goes for a back suplex, but Shawn reverses and lands on top of Orton for a 2 count. Orton gives Shawn the inverted backbreaker (that's what they call Mike Sanders' 3.0, so I'll call it that now too), and it gets a 2 count. Orton places Shawn on the top turnbuckle and follows him up, but Shawn pushes him down and goes for a flying elbowdrop. It misses, and Orton's ready to give Shawn an RKO. Shawn catches Orton and gives him a backslide for 2, as the crowd finally is into something tonight. Shawn gives Orton the flying forearm, and kips up, as usual. An inverted atomic drop follows, and a scoop slam. Shawn goes up to the top, and gives Orton a flying elbowdrop. Now Shawn TUNES UP THE BAND, but Orton forearms him right in the nuts in mid-move, getting himself disqualified at 15:52. Oh boy. Orton's going to kick Shawn in the head after the match, but Shawn quickly gets up and gives him SWEET CHIN MUSIC.   Match Analysis: Does the WWE understand that people PAID to watch this shit? This is a damn PPV, not an episode of Monday Night Raw. I suppose this was the only way to book themselves out of a title change, but really now. This match was fantastic, but I don't like the ending at all. ***1/4. ___________________   Brooke is in the back, dressed as Jane from Tarzan. And Jillian is dressed as Britney Spears. So, JR says this might be the worst costume contest he's ever seen. He said it's terrible. Good on him. ___________________   Our next match is Triple H vs. UMAGA in a...STREET FIGHT. The other match selections were a cage match and a first blood match. So, why didn't anyone pick cage match?   Blow-by-blow: I like that Umaga squashed a jobber in all these match selections on RAW before this show. HHH meets him in the aisle during his entrance, and they brawl. Umaga headbutts HHH, and tosses him into the keyboard that's on the set. On the walkway, to be precise. And no, it isn't a real keyboard. HHH goes for the PEDIGREE, but Umaga prevents it, and they brawl behind the stage. HHH charges at Umaga, knocking both men through the stage, in a cool visual. HHH rams him into the guardrail, and they fight in the crow. Umaga charges at HHH near ringside, but flies over the guardrail, putting him near the ring. Both men get in the ring, and Umaga misses a charge to the corner, giving HHH time to grab a trash can from under the ring. Umaga gets hit with it for a 2 count, but he comes back with a samoan drop. He gives HHH multiple headbutts, and a big splash, for 2. On the outside, Umaga rams HHH into the steel steps and brings him back in, giving him a legdrop for 2. They slug it out, but Umaga gives HHH a bearhug, and then, a belly-to-belly suplex. Umaga then gives HHH the running ass to face at the corner, for 2. Umaga chases the referee out of the ring and grabs a chair, but HHH gives him a lowblow, and a DDT on the chair for 2. HHH gives Umaga the knee-to-facebuster, but gets rammed into the turnbuckle, where Umaga misses a charge. Even still, Umaga's in control, and gives HHH a catatonic. On the outside we go, where Umaga peels all the stuff off each announce table. Uh-oh. Umaga grabs a chair and swings it at HHH, but hits the ringpost. HHH rams him into the table, and Umaga does the same. Umaga places HHH on the ECW announce table, and goes over to the Smackdown announce table. And then, he runs all the way over to HHH, and splashes him through the ECW announce table. That was nice. Umaga acts all crazy after throwing HHH in the ring and goes to the top, where he misses a diving headbutt. HHH gets the SLEDGEHAMMER, but misses, as Umaga hits him in the gut. Umaga goes for the SAMOAN SPIKE, but HHH hits him with the SLEDGEHAMMER after he misses, and gives Umaga a PEDIGREE for the 3 count at 17:23.   Match Analysis: This was pedestrian street fight fare, except for the splash spot on the tables. That part was great. This was just average. We know how I rate average. **1/2. That might be an unpopular opinion. Even during all that, nobody bled. ___________________   So, Mickie James won the costume contest. Whoop-de-doo.   Now we get the hype for Batista/Taker...and the announcement of the special guest referee. JBL says that it's time for someone with talent to grab a mic, and now, announce him as the referee. Mick Foley comes to the ring...to silence. And we find out that STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD is our referee. JBL beats up Foley, until Austin comes out, and gives Foley a STUNNER. JBL begins to beat up Austin, until Austin gives him a STUNNER. And now, for the match... ___________________   The match is Undertaker vs. Batista with Steve Austin as the special guest referee, for the World Heavyweight Title. I really, really expect good things from this, given the way everyone talks about their matches.   Blow-by-blow: The crowd loves Batista, so we finally hear some noice. Batista misses a charge at Taker, and is given a boot to the head. Both men lock-up, and Batista gives Taker a headlock, before Taker gives him a big boot for 1. Taker rams him into the buckle, but Batista reverses and begins to shouldercharge into Taker at the corner. Taker gives Batista a back elbow, and tries to apply a triangle choke. He doesn't, though, but instead clubs away at Batista's back for 2. Jerry Lawler's on commentary with Michael Cole, presumably to sell the beating JBL received from Austin. Taker wraps Batista's arm around the top rope, but misses his charge at it. Batista knocks him out of the ring and rams him into the steel steps, and then the ring apron. Back in, and Taker gives Batista a clothesline for 2. He goes for OLD SCHOOL, but is unable to complete the move. Taker misses a charge at Batista, and lies out of the ring, where Batista rams him into the steps again. Once they come back in, Batista jumps on Taker's back, until he gets thrown out of the ring. Taker places Batista's neck along the ring apron, and gives him a legdrop. The cover only gets 2, so Taker gives him 2 clotheslines. When Taker gives Batista SNAKE EYES, Batista counters with a clothesline on Taker's big boot attempt. That gets 2, and Batista goes for the BATISTA BOMB. Taker takes him to the corner, but Batista whips him to the other side, where he misses a charge. Taker goes for OLD SCHOOL, but Batista catches him on the way down with a spinebuster for a 2 count. Taker applies a triangle choke, but Batista positions Taker so that his shoulders are down, forcing a 2 count that causes Taker to break the hold. Taker goes for the CHOKESLAM once, but gets elbowed away. He tries for it AGAIN, and gets the move. Taker goes for the TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER, but Batista spears him after countering, for 2. Batista goes for the BATISTA BOMB, but gets backdropped out of it. Batista droptoehold's Taker into the buckle, and goes up for the 10 punch. I know what's going to happen here. LAST RIDE by Taker, but it only gets a 2 count. Taker goes for a TOMBSTONE, but gets spinebustered by Batista for 2. Batista gives him the BATISTA BOMB for 2, and ANOTHER gets the 3 count, at 17:25. So, Batista retains his title.   Match Analysis: Hell, I didn't expect the match to be THAT good. But it was. ***1/2, for the Match of the Night. That was really fun, and had I not already known who would win, well, who would know, given the way that match went. And that's the end of the show. ___________________   Rating: Decent. That wasn't a very easy call to make, given two complete non-finishes in seemingly important matches, one botched finish (even though I liked it) and a terrible costume contest. If I ever watch this show again, I'll only watch the end.   Best Segment: Taker/Batista. I think Orton/HBK would have been the better match with a finish, though.   Worst Segment: Costume Contest. Self explanatory.   Loudest Sound: Basically, I'm just going to list the people that got a modicum of crowd reaction. HHH, Batista, Undertaker, Shawn, and Randy Orton.   No Sound: Everyone else. Basically this was the worst crowd I've ever seen, and the WWE shouldn't go back to DC for a PPV anytime soon. ___________________   My next up will have thoughts from the MSG show that's on 24/7, and Smackdown from last night. Should be up on Monday.
Guest

Guest

9
LFC Blog
 

Review: Random Thoughts from 1-23-08, featuring RAW and ECW.

This is just a RAW and ECW column. So, you've been warned. RAW is from Hampton, VA. ___________________   The new video wall is Fantastic. I purposefully capitalized that.   And our first match is Shawn Michaels vs. Mr. Kennedy.   - Kennedy hasn't been doing his entrance with the microphone recently. I wonder why? I watched the whole show much later than when it occured, so times are going to be there, and sometimes not there.   - When Kennedy couldn't bridge out of the pinning move into a backslide, I thought that was great, as was HBK's somersault pescado. I loved the finish, which constituted HBK going for that reverse figure-four, and getting kicked off. Then HBK kipped up, and hit Kennedy with SWEET CHIN MUSIC at 11:57 (shown) for the victory. ***. This was probably as good as a match between these two could get.   Randy Orton's with Vince McMahon, who's giving him reasons to shake hands with Jeff Hardy tonight, cause they're supposed to shake hands and all. ___________________   The next match was Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix for the Women's Title.   - Beth finishes with a fisherman's buster at 3:42. I didn't really care, *1/2. ___________________   Todd Grisham is with HHH, who talks about Vince in HD. Mostly about how old he's gonna look, and then, he talks about the Rumble.   After, Brian Kendrick is with Cody Rhodes. Kendrick has to qualify for the Rumble tonight, and Hardcore Holly comes bustin' in, talking about how he'll get rid of anyone, including Rhodes, to win the Royal Rumble. ___________________   So, the next match is the Highlanders vs. Finlay and Hornswoggle.   - What are the Highlanders, super jobbers? Anyway, Hornswoggle gets the pin after a frog splash. *.   And now Chris Jericho comes out, with great pyro, to talk about JBL. He says he'll fight him, to little fanfare. His return has been a disaster.   Vince is now with Jeff Hardy, telling him to never risk someone's life like he did last week. ___________________   Brian Kendrick's Royal Rumble Qualifying Match is against.....UMAGA. Harharhar.   - Yes, I really laughed when I heard William Regal announce that Kendrick was facing UMAGA. This was a super squash, ending with the SAMOAN SPIKE at 2:20. **. ___________________   Mickie James is backstage with Maria, and sad that she can't beat Phoenix. She leaves, and Ashley comes into the picture, talking about a party at the Playboy Mansion. And then, Santino Marella came in and said something so funny that I didn't even write it down.   And why is Big Pussy on Celebrity Apprentice? ___________________   Hardcore Holly w/Cody Rhodes is facing Carlito w/Maria and Santino in a singles match, now.   - Why did Carlito stick around, again? He's been buried so far down on the card that he'll be a Heat regular by WrestleMania. I don't have HD, but even I can see how old Holly's looking. Santino distracts Holly during an Alabama Slam attempt, so Carlito gives him a BACKSTABBER for the win at 3:11. That's one of my favorite finishing moves, but the match was a mess. 1/2*. ___________________   Now, we have HHH's match vs. a mystery opponent. His new entrance setup is the best of all of them. No time, given that I'm watching this via...nefarious means. It's a over-the-top gauntlet match, and his first opponent is Snitsky. Once this was announced as a gauntlet, I knew he'd be in it. What a terrible payoff to a terrible angle. Why'd I expect more? Moving on, HHH throws Snitsky out. And HHH's second opponent is Mark Henry. Uh, brand extension? Henry charges at HHH after a while, but HHH pulls down the top rope, eliminating him. Last is...an IRATE William Regal, who gets destroyed by HHH and tossed out. I guess this whole angle was just for the sole purpose of HHH putting himself over three guys. 1/2*. ___________________   The last segment on this show was the scheduled handshake between Jeff Hardy and Randy Orton. Orton says that he respects Hardy, but Hardy says the exact opposite. He says that there's a lot of people whose hands he'll shake before Orton's. First, Jim Ross, second, Jerry Lawler, and third, Lillian Garcia. Then Hardy goes into the crowd, and shakes a bunch of people's hands. When Hardy gets back in the ring, he gives Orton a TWIST OF FATE. Well, Orton's definitely going over, because Hardy's had the better of him the last two weeks. If Hardy won, Orton would look awful. ___________________   Show was...decent, the best segment was HBK/Kennedy, and the worst was that HHH gauntlet trash. ___________________   Last night, I watched ECW, from, well, 1/21/08. This show took place at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville. I like that all the shows use the same set, it makes things look, uh, more important.   The first contest was an Over the Top Rope Challenge, between Kane, The Miz, John Morrison, Tommy Dreamer, and Shelton Benjamin.   - Well, I know who's winning this. Dreamer's looking fat, which bothers me. I don't like seeing guys I grew up watching age.   Order of Elimination: Dreamer by Kane at 1:00, Miz and Morrison by Kane and Shelton at 2:58, and Kane by Shelton at 3:01. Shelton skinned the cat and headscissored Kane out, to win. Cool. I was wrong. And THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN' ME NUUUHHH. Kinda hard to rate that, but I'll go a bit less than **, with a *3/4. ___________________   We get that Best Body Contest I was awaiting so much...at least they did it when I had to use the restroom. I missed most of it, but I saw Coach dancing to the music as I went out. And Kelly Kelly won. Wow. There are nowhere near as many kids in the crowd this week, it feels like RAW. ___________________   Next was Kofi Kingston's debut, against a jobber named David Owen. Kofi's tracksuit is cool.   - That jobber did everything in his power to make Kingston look like shit. He succeeded. Kofi hits him with a really bad looking kick (because his opponent was standing so close to him) at 3:15 for the pinfall. DUD. That was not good.   Edge is with Chavo Guerrero in the back, because Chavo gets his title shot tonight. Soon Vickie Guerrero comes into the picture, cause it's Chavo's night. After, we get a GREAT Royal Rumble video, with facts and figures about the match. That may have been the best part of the show, thus far. ___________________   The white kid is with Tazz again. He's facing the GREAT KHALI this week. About time. Khali gives him the HEAD CRUSH, for the win at 0:37. It's not getting so old, I suppose, but there aren't many other guys to feed him to. Umaga and Snitsky...that's about it, I think. *. ___________________   And now, we have Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk in a...NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH for the ECW Championship. Well, that stipulation was a surprise, but not really.   - Edge is on commentary. I know where this is going. And I don't like it at all. Punk tries to get rough first, by pulling the turnbuckle pad off, although nothing comes of it...yet.   - The crowd is a little mild, but this time, Chavo gets heat. Punk drops Chavo on the exposed turnbuckle, and gives Chavo the GTS. Edge runs into the ring (fuck, not this shit) and gives Punk a SPEAR, which after a LONG period of Chavo lying around, gets Chavo the 3 count and ECW Title at 7:05. Oh, fuck that. *1/2. Well, there's no reason to watch this show anymore, but I will anyway. The Edgeheads bring Vickie down, and they all celebrate. Could they have made Chavo look worse? I'm glad Chavo got a push, but this is more like a bump. He hasn't done anything noteable at all. Awful. Awful. Awful. This match was MUCH worse than their others, as well, *1/2. Hopefully they bump this show up to being taped before Smackdown, because I can't see the people staying in the building to watch Chavo freakin' Guerrero. Just my .02. Nothing good can come of this for Punk, because he's not going to be put over Edge in the LEAST. ___________________   Show was BAD, best segment was...Shelton winning the Over the Top Rope Challenge, and the worst was obviously that AWFUL title change. Horrid booking.   I'll have a CYBER SUNDAY review up on Friday. Or not until Saturday or Sunday. Haven't made up my mind.
Guest

Guest

9
LFC Blog
 

Review: The first RAW, and other stuff. Yeah, boy.

First, we have RAW. I was watching the Laker game, so I tuned in at 9:48. I flipped over and saw HBK giving Trevor Murdoch SWEET CHIN MUSIC, and I know there was some Diva crap before that. There was some stuff with Orton and Hardy too, and they have an Intercontinental Title match later. Now, we begin. Again, this is an exact copy of my great notes.   The colors are to let you know that I'm talking about a different program. ___________________   When I tuned in, the first thing on was HHH vs. Snitsky. Boy oh boy.   - Snitsky is one ugly motherfucker. Not only that, but he makes these strange sounds while on offense. I don't like this guy, but I think he's funny. Why exactly is he in the WWE, again?   - Back from the commercial break, and that was probably a rough two minutes for the live crowd. I don't really want to think about it. JR calls Snitsky "Bowling Shoe Ugly." Well, I have to agree. At least there haven't been any restholds.   - Nevermind. There's a bearhug! On a PEDIGREE attempt, Snitsky backdropped HHH over the top rope. Then, he tries to hit HHH with the steel steps. He's unable to, though, as HHH gets disqualified by hitting Snitsky with a steel chair, at 10:06. HHH grabs the SLEDGEHAMMER, hits Snitsky in the gut with it, and PEDIGREES him. Whoop-dee-doo. 1/2*...why was this 10 minutes, again. Anyway, HHH destroys the small screen below the actual TitanTron, and Vince allows him to go back into the Rumble, IF he wins his match next week. ___________________   JBL cut a promo on Chris Jericho next, in which he talked about Jericho's kids needing to know that his father's a coward. Then there's lots of pyro, to end the whole thing. ___________________   Next up was a 5 Man Royal Rumble, with 30 second intervals between appearances. This was some Hornswoggle thing, so I expect stupidity. And Lord, did I get it. The crowd can't even see the fuckin' thing, for one, second, nobody wants to watch a midget Royal Rumble. There was a mini-Kennedy, mini-Mankind, mini-Batista and mini-Kane. Lastly, Khali came out, but was beaten up by Finlay. -***** for that whole thing, I never want to discuss it again. Went about 7:50. Afterward, Finlay has a discussion with Vince, in which he says he doesn't want their deal to be broken. Uh... ___________________ How are they going to squeeze the main event and this Flair match into such a short time? Well, it's Ric Flair vs. William Regal.   - Both wrestlers come to the ring and we go to a commercial?   - Well, Flair cheats to win on a roll-up, while holding Regal's tights. Only 2:07 of the match was shown. This Flair stuff is being bungled beyond belief. Moreover, he's looking so worn down that I don't even think he'll be able to make it to WrestleMania. Just my opinion. Match was unrateable. ___________________   Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy in a match for the Intercontinental Title, yeah, yeah, yeah.   - Orton kicks Hardy in the nuts after 8 seconds, ending the match via disqualification. No rating, again. My original thought was, why give this match away on free TV? Well, they didn't, thankfully.   - Both men brawl to the stage, where Orton goes to punt Hardy in the head. Hardy gets up and backdrops him onto some sort of platform, a bit below the stage. I can't really do this angle justice, so bear with me. Hardy climbs up a support beam beside the stage, stops and...CLIMBS UP MORE. He's way up there. Then, he gives ORTON A FUCKING SWANTON BOMB, from about 15 feet up. Holy shit. This got over huge. HUGE, I tell you. JR and the King (no, not me) immediately stopped their commentary, as paramedics stretchered both men off to end the show. Hardy's gotta get the strap at the Rumble. GOTTA. He's their most over performer right now. What a good way to end a shitty show. Hardy's being put over so strong that this can't possibly be fucked up. He's been made into a star.   The show as a whole was terrible, but the ending was great. Meet in the middle and we'll call it decent. ___________________   I didn't have time to watch the show from MSG that was posted on 24/7. Sorry. I got a bit through it and fell asleep. Kerry Von Erich looked too young, even for him. ___________________   Next up, THE FIRST EVER MONDAY NIGHT RAW. Of all the updated stuff, I was waiting for this the most.   Sean Mooney starts things off, and you know, Bobby Heenan's not allowed in the building tonight. Rob Bartlett's on commentary instead. And the 1993 intro to the show is just as kickass as I remember it. ___________________   WELCOME EVERYONE TO MONDAY NIGHT RAW. Commentary team is what you'd expect, Vince, Savage, and Bartlett.   Koko B. Ware vs. Yokozuna w/Mr. Fuji is our first match. Hey, the High Energy version of Koko.   - WHAT THE FUCK. I didn't realize that High Energy used what would stick around and become Owen Hart's music. Sorry, that threw me for a loop. I love Koko's ring attire.   - So, to sum things up, Yoko doesn't hit the canvas all match, and finishes things up with the BANZAI DROP at 3:46. *. Bartlett couldn't stop talking about Yoko's ass. Well, things like that are going to become commonplace throughout the show.   The promo for Royal Rumble 1993 is cool. Then we flash to Jim Ross talking about the importance of RAW to the business as a whole. Well, I agree there. ___________________   Bobby Heenan then cuts a pre-taped promo in which he talks about "Narcissus." It's a good thing they changed that to "Narcissist." The original was not the best.   That serves as our lead-in to The Executioners vs. the Steiner Brothers.   - The Executioners aren't important, so you missed nothing. The Steiners have this entrance music that I can't describe. Meaning that I don't know whether or not it's good. BTW, Doink the Clown is in the crowd. Good.   - Even then, Scott was really roided up. One of the Executioners blow an Irish whip, so they'll be punished for it. The Steiners fuck 'em up, as ECW fans would chant in the same building a few years later (though totally unrelated to the match at hand), and the bout ends via pinfall after Rick bulldogs one of the EX'S as they were seated on Scott's shoulders. I love that finisher, even if it probably injured a lot of guys. Thoroughly enjoyable contest, **. ___________________   Heenan's dressed as a woman, but he's not allowed in the building, as Mooney finds him out. Well, darn.   Edge talks...basically, whenever I say someone talks, it's about the importance of RAW. ___________________   Now we have an interview with Razor Ramon. I covered his accent in the PTW writeup from a few weeks before this, I think. Well, he's ready for the Rumble, MANG. Numero uno, mang, the #1 contender. He wanted this to be personal, so he attacked Owen on WWF Mania last week. After the interview's over, he tosses his toothpick at Vince. Yes!   Back at the announce table, the guys talk about Headlock on Hunger. And Tatanka has something to say about that. SPIRITS AND NONSENSE!!! ___________________   The next matchup is Max Moon vs. Shawn Michaels, for Shawn's Intercontinental Championship.   - I don't know what to say about Max Moon. He does some cool stuff, like a running seated senton off the apron to Shawn as Shawn was standing up at ringside, much later in the match.   - During the "commercial break," HBK talked about RAW. Yeah, they placed that in there.   - Doink comes to ringside, as Bartlett is doing this AWFUL Mike Tyson impersonation. What did we do to deserve that? I was surprised to see that this wasn't a squash. Shawn wins the bout, by gaining the pinfall after the SIDE SUPLEX. It's just a back suplex, but since Gorilla Monsoon took extra care to make sure it was called the Side Suplex, hell, I'm calling it the Side Suplex. **. 7:52 of the bout was shown, who knows how long the commercial was. I know I can steal use the time from thehistoryofwwe.com, but I don't want to. ___________________   HHH talks, and then...   We cut to a RUMBLE REPORT, with Gene Okerlund. Shawn Michaels will face Marty Jannetty, with Sensational Sherri at ringside. Shawn says that Sherri will most certainly be with him. Marty says he'll get everything he wants, including the Intercontinental Title, and that Shawn doesn't really know what Sherri's going to do. Now Okerlund starts listing a few (a lot, really) of the Royal Rumble participants, but I'll just list the guys who cut promos. Mr. Perfect said that he has a perfect opportunity to win the Rumble. Well, he didn't say that, I did, cause that's what he should've said. Mr. Fuji babbles on about how Yokozuna's going to win the Rumble, and lastly, Jim Duggan talks about how he'll win the Rumble. Tough guy this, tough guy that, USA, USA, HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN HOOOOOOO, alright. You know, the Rumble winner goes to WrestleMania this year. Also, Bret Hart faces Razor Ramon. But that's seemingly an afterthought, isn't it. ___________________   Heenan tries to sneak in AGAIN, this time as a Rabbi. I was so pumped up after that RUMBLE REPORT that I wrote Rabbi as "Rumble." I'd show you, but there are so many things on this piece of paper that I don't want you to see. Mooney catches Heenan again, so Heenan gets all upset.   Mick Foley talks about RAW, now. From what I've been told, Reverend Slick converted Kamala last week on WWF Mania. WHAT? I'm glad I haven't seen some of this stuff. ___________________   Our main event is DAMIEN DEMENTO vs. The Undertaker, with Paul Bearer as Taker's manager. I tuned out Bartlett after the Tyson stuff, so he could've been bad this whole time. I don't know.   - Vince thanks DON IMUS for Rob Bartlett being there. That explains a lot about Bartlett's awfulness, doesn't it.   - Well, it's a squash. Taker finishes it off with the TOMBSTONE at 2:25. *. ___________________   Vince talks about RAW, and how the live audience helped make the show what it is today. Definitely.   Doink comes to ringside, and talks about how he's not bothered by Crush. Crush comes out, and talks some trash, brah. Well, Doink squirts him with a water pistol (yes, I call it that), so Crush chases him. How is Doink supposed to be the heel in all this? The crowd at the Manhattan Center loves the gimmick. Crush chases Doink, but eventually, he leaves the poor guy alone, so we can listen to Crush's great entrance music. ___________________   I know I said that I pride myself on not being silly, but I really took it to another level with this show. I couldn't help it, because, after all, WWF 1993 IS silly. Don't worry, I won't do that again for a while, likely until another RAW or a WWF Superstars is posted from 1993. By my standards, that was a good show. I was entertained throughout, and by my "would I have liked it then, but with a smarkish mindset" standards, undoubtedly I would have. If you can, watch it. If you can't watch it, find it. Unless you've seen it already, or have it on video. ___________________   Last, I watched WWECW, last night. ___________________   The "Cutting Edge" opened the show. Yeah, that's some interview segment with Edge as the host. Edge talks about the Rumble, and when mentioning Rey Mysterio, you immediately notice that there's a lot of kids in the crowd. Like, a whole lot. This'll have something to do with what I say later. Anyhow, he shows us what happened last week on Smackdown, when he and the Edgeheads beat up Rey Mysterio after Rey's match with Chavo Guerrero. So, this somehow gets to the point where CM Punk is the guest. Edge says he's been watching Punk, and that he reminds Edge of himself. Punk says he respects his opponents, but he can beat Chavo if he faces him again. And he can beat Edge too. Chavo then comes out, and challenges Punk. Punk accepts, but is pushed by Chavo into Edge. Then Punk gets his ass beat, and his shoulder gets rammed into the post by both guys, who then leave with the damage done. I didn't know what to think about that, on one hand, you gave the guy no rub from a confrontation with Edge, secondly, you took all the heat away from Chavo, who's in the middle of this program. Unless we're getting to Edge/Punk in the near future, I don't like this at all.   After the commercial break, Edge leaves. That means he'll be there later. ___________________   The next match is a tag team match, with the Highlanders facing John Morrison and the Miz. I don't know if this was a WWE Tag Team Title match or not.   - Miz and Morrison need to start entering together. It's tiresome to watch tag team partners have two separate entrances. Yeah, "they have big egos." So what. Make them argue over how they enter or something.   - I don't understand why the Highlanders are here, and why they're playing pseudo-babyfaces. Pseudo because nobody is cheering them, see.   - Of the two Highlanders, I like Robbie better. The match finishes after the Reality Check (kneelift, neckbreaker) at 2:57. *1/2. That finisher sucks, but I expected it, given that the Miz is the guy who does it. ___________________   Here's another Kofi Kingston vignette. It won't be hard for him to get over, because the general public (AFAIK) likes the whole Jamaican thing. I expect great things from him, given what I've read about his in-ring work. He debuts next week, on ECW. Good. Perfect show to debut him on. ___________________   Kelly Kelly comes out, and talks about HD. Then she disrobes. Anyone watching the show saw what she was wearing, and if you didn't, don't worry, it was nothing much. Literally. I kinda have a problem with this, given the number of kids in the crowd. If you want the product to be marketed toward kids, which given characters like Hornswoggle is what they want, do that, and get rid of this. You want to show this stuff, stop with the kid oriented stuff. Make up your mind. ___________________   The white guy from the past few weeks is with Tazz again. He'll be facing Kane this time. Chokeslam finishes after 1 minute. 1/2*. I don't know about the rest of us, but I'm starting to get bored by this.   The ECW GM, that Estrada guy, is with CM Punk. The match will go on. Well, duh. ___________________   The injury report from Hardy's dive last night is that Hardy left the hospital before being evaluated, and Orton had to stay overnight. They're putting over Hardy so strong in this whole thing that I have a hard time believing he won't win at MSG. It's unfortunate that WrestleMania is coming up, seeing as HHH is probably going to win the Rumble. The trigger was probably pulled too quickly on this feud, but it should go until No Way Out at the least. ___________________   So, it's Shelton Benjamin vs. Nunzio.   - Hey, someone from actual ECW. Have I mentioned that Shelton's turnbuckle powerbomb is great?   - Shelton's inverted bulldog finishes at 3:05. Move needs a name, and I think Tazz gave it one, inadvertently so. "The Gold Standard." After the match, Shelton grabs a mic, then says, THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN' ME NOWWWWWW, and gives him another inverted bulldog. I know a few people hate that catchphrase, but I love it. His voice cracked toward the end, making it that much better. *1/2. ___________________   Now we have our main event, Chavo's 3rd Chance, featuring him taking on CM Punk. Taken directly from my notes, to let you know what I was thinking about the booking here.   - Punk's favoring his shoulder, of course. I don't like this, because I suppose it hurts Chavo's....status. While he's not been portrayed as strong, there needs to be incentive to care about the eventual title match, so winning semi-clean is the only acceptable course of action.   - There's Edge, going on commentary. Told ya so. A good thing is, with Edge there, people aren't going to lose focus on the match, or leave, like last time. We're going to have another long overrun, which is ok. I don't like knowing exactly when the show will end.   - When Chavo punches, it looks SO weak. Why that is, who knows. It's like he's too cautious. Each of these matches have been distinctly different, which is good. This one is better than the other two, I believe. Punk gets tossed outside, and clobbered in the head by Edge's World Heavyweight Title. So, Chavo wins by countout, at 11:18. **3/4. That was pretty much the worst ending possible. Let's look at the possible options.   Draw. Yeah, right. Punk wins. That's fine. Punk loses by DQ, after Edge hits Chavo with his title. That's ok. Chavo gets the pinfall, clean. Not happening. Chavo gets the pinfall, after Edge interference, and his own finisher. Best possible option. Chavo wins via an arm-oriented submission. This is ok, too. Chavo wins by countout, while having no direct impact on the end of the match at all. Dogshit.   Again, why should I care about the title match? It doesn't do anything for either participant, and given the booking, I doubt this match will happen at the Rumble. If it does, it won't be of any length. Tazz said that Chavo would probably want to have his title shot next week, given his mindset. Punk isn't going to face Edge anytime soon, so...I don't get it. If he did face Edge, he'd only lose. That shouldn't even be an option, but it's the only way this thing will go. He's not going to get a rub from it either, as it could only last until No Way Out. It'll never go to WrestleMania. ___________________   Anyway, that was a shitty ending to a pretty good match. Decent show. In the next installment, I'll have a whole bunch of stuff to read, including my thoughts on Smackdown. But first, the HHH/HBK RAW has to go up, which it will, tomorrow. I'm not typing up anything about the first ECW on TNN show, because it was basically a clip show. The segments on that will be reviewed on it's own merit when posted on it's original program, whether it be Hardcore Heaven '99 in the case of Lynn/RVD, or wherever that Taz/Rhyno match came from.
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Review: Random Thoughts from 1-13-08.

Starting things off, was ECW from 1/8/07. Seeing as I took good notes, this'll be an exact copy of them. ___________________   The first match on this show was a 15 Minutes of Fame match for the WWE Tag Team Titles, between the team of Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore and the team of John Morrison and the Miz. The 15 Minutes of Fame thing is basically an ironman rules match. Simple, right?   - I already said how gay I thought Morrison's entrance is, so this'll be the last mention forever. Get rid of the slowmotion stuff, for fuck's sake.   - Yang collides with Miz on the ring apron, and Morrison rolls Yang up while holding his tights for the first fall, with 11:14 remaining. These times are not exact, because it's hard to write and take the exact time of the fall from the timer on the screen at a precise moment. Well, for me, anyway.   - Yang gives the Miz a moonsault press, which gets his team a fall at 6:08. So, it's 1-1.   - The Miz has very little in-ring presence. Not only that, but he doesn't do anything of note. He just punches and kicks, with a resthold or two in-between.   - Ok, now the ending. Moore nearly fucks up multiple aerial attacks, in the leadup to what's obviously going to be a draw. Yang gives someone (unimportant) a moonsault press, which nearly misses...and that gets a 2 count, as the time expires. Didn't care for it at all, as it was clear from the 2nd fall that this was going to be a draw. **. ___________________   I guess Chavo Guerrero gets a 2nd Chance at CM Punk tonight. Uh, why?   The white kid from last week is there again. He gets squashed by Mark Henry, in a bout that ends with the World's Strongest Slam at 1:07. Who cares. *, for the bit of laughter I had when Henry gave him a flapjack. ___________________   A Kofi Kingston vignette followed this, where Kingston knocked out some white guy on the beaches of Jamaica. I didn't laugh, I just thought it was weird. Who knows where this is going.   The Royal Rumble promo this year is great. Thought that should be mentioned too. ___________________   The Diva Danceoff is next, between Kelly Kelly and Layla. Layla is much better looking than Kelly Kelly, which is saying a lot, because I generally like blondes far more than other women. Anyhow, they both do a few shitty dances, and the MC, some girl named Lena (no, not Leena, in case you get confused) decides to enter herself. So she does, and proclaims herself as the winner. This was a waste of time. Who writes this shit? ___________________   Before the main event, Shelton Benjamin cut a pretty good promo. There ain't no stoppin' him now. I hope he puts it together this time and doesn't fuck up what looks to be a pretty good upcoming push. ___________________   And now, the main event is Chavo's 2nd Chance, featuring, well, Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk (ECW Champion). If Chavo wins, he gets a title shot.   - Why should Chavo get another chance? Not only that, but it's kinda weird to see Chavo getting a "top level" push after all this time. I say top level, because nothing on ECW is a main event program. Not to take away from anyone, it just isn't. I can see why the crowd doesn't buy it, after watching the guy get jobbed out during his entire run in the company. I wouldn't either.   - Anyway, we're back from the commercial break, as Chavo has Punk locked in an abdominal stretch. Speaking of breaks, it's hard to rate a match that has a commercial break right in the middle of it. The crowd has emptied out, as you'd figure, and what's left of them are shitting on this match. I think it's ok...   - Punk's offense is good, but the crowd kills it. I had something else written down, but I won't say it, as I already said it over here...INSERT LINK   - Ending time. Chavo takes the turnbuckle pad off, and as the referee's putting it back on (what jackass would put the pad back on in such an important match.. Oh, now I'm using my brain again, something I shouldn't be doing right now. Brain off.), Chavo grabs the ECW Championship belt, and goes to hit Punk with it. The referee spots him, and takes the belt away from Chavo, after which, he disqualifies Chavo at 14:41. So, Chavo doesn't get a title shot. **1/2, based on the premise of the match, finish, and lack of heat. Otherwise I'd have no problem giving ***, which is basically my barometer for saying a +9 minute match was really good. The crowd doesn't care about Chavo, which kills any potential good match against Punk (or any World Title holder) dead. And if they do this match again at MSG during the Royal Rumble card, the crowd is going to shit all over it, even worse.   - After the match, Punk gives Chavo a GO 2 SLEEP. And that's the end of the show. ___________________   I watched both parts of the Ladder Match DVD that are up on 24/7, and there's a few things I want to say about them.   - I've seen the first ladder match with Big Daddy Ritter (JYD) and Jake Roberts before, and didn't care for it. Mainly because I don't like the idea of the ringcrew holding the ladder up for guys to climb.   - I'm only going to review the RAW and Smackdown matches on here, when they get posted on the service. I'm not reviewing the Bret/Shawn Ladder Match because I think it justifies a full review, something which I'm loathe to try on a singular match. Since I have it on tape, I'll review that match, and that one only, when my hand is better. It was hurting yesterday, so I didn't even take notes.   - The Razor/HBK Ladder Match from Summerslam '95 is not nearly as good as the one from WM X.   - TLC I is the best one, not 2, 3, 4 or whatever.   - The WCW Ladder Match from Starrcade 2000 had the most predictable ending imaginable...not only that, but the commentary was as shitty as I remembered it being. Which is to say that it's even worse than the current TNA commentary team. ___________________   I didn't watch Friday Night Smackdown at all, because I was so interested in the Laker game. Seeing as the Lakers don't play during Smackdown for about a month, this won't happen for a while. ___________________   I watched the Territories Roundtable, but didn't take notes. I only have a few things to say.   - Tazz is of little use to this particular roundtable. He doesn't say a whole lot, mainly because he wasn't around in the days of the territories. But there's so much said by the other guys that it really doesn't matter.   - Pat Patterson's stories about San Francisco were great. Just talking about how he was able to be home every night, and all that.   - They talked about the Montreal Screwjob, and how that was common in the days of the territories. Through that conversation, Michael Hayes told a story about Tommy Rich beating Harley Race for the NWA Title. Supposedly that was a double-cross.   - JR's insight about the promoters getting together and talking about killing Vince McMahon after Black Saturday was something I most certainly believe...it doesn't surprise me in the least.   I enjoyed the roundtable, as it was better than the last. ___________________   Ok, I didn't watch the MSG show yet, because I'm sick. I'll watch it tomorrow. So, that, RAW, ECW and probably one more thing will be on the next random thoughts piece, but I might review the PYBO next all by its lonesome, as it features that HHH/Shawn match from December '03 that I love. Basically, we'll see.
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Review: Mostly RAW from 1/7/08.

Ok, nothing for Smackdown. I barely even watched it, although I like that Rey's going to face Edge at the Royal Rumble. I thought Chavo's match against Funaki was good, that was the only thing I watched in its entirety. Also, I like the "Edge Heads" gimmick, although the shorter guy doesn't seem to be a very good wrestler. That's all I have to say. ___________________   So, the first show I watched in its entirety was ECW from 2-11-96.   - The segment at the beginning of the show was gigantically long. Like about 20-25 minutes long. First, Taz attacked Rey Mysterio. The SHAH and JT Smith came out to help Rey, and they started fighting. Guess that makes sense. Woman then came out, and 2 Cold Scorpio carried her out of the building. Stevie Richards then came out to the ring, along with the Blue Meanie. They offered Sandman a chance to back out of his match against Raven, and he said no. He canes all of them, and we cut away, to Raven at the ring. Stevie has a surprise for him, and it's that he's suing Missy Hyatt. She comes out, and then Sandman comes out, who canes the members of Raven's Nest, and joins Missy Hyatt. I deliberately typed that as convoluted sounding as possible, because, well, it was a convoluted segment. One that I didn't care for.   - The next thing on the show was an advertisement for the video tape, "Big Apple Blizzard Blast." A Current Affair was shooting footage, and the main things on the show were Sabu vs. Mr. Hughes and The Gangstas vs. 2 Cold Scorpio and the Sandman. Yeeeeah. ___________________   We have our first match next, it's Tommy Dreamer and Shane Douglas vs. Stevie Richards and Raven. Now, the rundown of things I thought were notable.   - Stevie put on a Razor Ramon t-shirt, and threw a toothpick at Shane. That was funny, at least until Shane ripped the Razor t-shirt off and went to work on Stevie.   - Cactus Jack runs in, and tries to beat up Shane. He leaves after a little bit. See, that's the one thing I don't get about run-ins during the middle of the match. Why wouldn't you stick around for the duration, instead of getting one or two punches in and leaving?   - Sandman canes everyone, and leaves. After that, there were many nearfalls.   - When Tommy gets introduced to the match via hot tag, weapons make their appearance. Meanie accidentally gives Stevie a moonsault, and Tommy gets knocked out, on a double collision. Beulah's been out there the whole time, so she tapes a frying pan to Tommy's right foot. He then gets up and gives Stevie Richards an enziguri, for the pinfall. Time announced was like 19:something, but that much certainly was not shown. Anyway, I liked it. ___________________   Lastly, was the match between Taz and the Shark Attack Kid. Talk about a good wrestling name. Taz wins the bout after the Tazmission and multiple suplexes, and afterward, grabs a microphone. He talks trash about 911, until 911's "music" hits. At least the geniuses at WWE 24/7 use the same dubbed music for each wrestler, instead of having it be different all the time. Otherwise I really wouldn't have understood the segment. Well, Tod Gordon comes to the ring instead of 911, and says that 911 is gone. GONE. And now, Bill Alfonso wants to fight Tod. So they do, until Tod gets the upper hand, at which point Taz comes in and beats up Gordon. BAM BAM FUCKING BIGELOW hits the ring, and chases off Taz. I knew that was going to happen because of the program description, but still, it's Bam Bam Bigelow. He grabs the microphone and says that Taz won't be able to suplex him. End show.   Well, I liked the ending, and was indifferent to the rest. The show was decent. This Bam Bam thing could be great... ___________________   The last show I watched in between my last review and this one, was Monday Night RAW, last night. So, here's how it went.   - At the beginning of the show, Vince McMahon was at the RAW ROULETTE WHEEL with William Regal. He tells Regal that he'll be facing HHH tonight, so now, we spin the wheel. And it's a FIRST BLOOD MATCH!!!! Regal leaves the room, and HHH attacks him in the hall. Ha. This should be fun.   The first match on the show was going to be Shawn Michaels vs. Mr. Kennedy, or so it would seem. But the wheel lands on a...STRANGE BEDFELLOWS MATCH. I didn't have a clue as to what this was, but McMahon says that both HBK and Kennedy will be teaming up against another strange team. So, it winds up being HBK and Kennedy vs. Charlie Haas and Trevor Murdoch.   - Haas' gimmick blows. I thought it was funny, in the worst way possible. That won't last for long. In case you didn't know, he goes under the ring at some random point during the match and puts on a mask.   - Toward the end, Kennedy wouldn't help HBK make the tag. So HBK made the comeback all by himself, giving both opponents SWEET CHIN MUSIC. Unbeknownst to HBK, Kennedy had made a blind tag, so after giving Haas SCM, Kennedy gave HBK the "Mic Check," gaining him the pinfall over Haas. I didn't time it, as I was doing something else. Again, sorry. *1/2, with the forewarning that Haas' gimmick has the potential to ruin matches. The Mic Check is just a fancy name for a downward spiral. Also, Kennedy's spray-on tan was coming off. It looked disgusting. His skin color looked like that of Hulk Hogan, at least where the tan was still remaining. ___________________   The next match was Hardcore Holly vs. Carlito in a "Trading Places" match. Ok, I can't believe another WWE wrestler doesn't copy gimmicks, much in the same fashion of this match. Trading Places denotes that each wrestler dresses like the other.   - I was surprised to see that Holly wasn't taking the gimmick too seriously. He had fun with it, which definitely was a surprise, this being Hardcore Holly, and all.   - Holly spit an apple in Carlito's face, and gave him the Alabama Slam for the victory. Carlito stuck around to do jobs for Hardcore Holly? *. ___________________   Before the commercial, Jim Ross sneaks in a "SPIN THE WHEEL, MAKE THE DEAL" reference. I knew he would. Only makes sense, don't it.   Vince McMahon and Maria were backstage, to determine a match for all the Divas. The wheel landed on "Submission," but Vince moved the wheel over to a Lingerie Pillow Fight. That's not all, though. Afterward, Vince tells Hornswoggle that he needs to find a partner for a tag match, in which the winning team qualifies for the Royal Rumble.   The Pillow Fight was on after the commercial. I didn't pay attention, all I know is that Ashley pinned Jillian Hall after a flying elbow. What I saw, sucked. Hard. These are unrateable anyway. ___________________   So, Hornswoggle was looking for a partner. Santino laughed at him. I was reading the RAW thread, and I have to agree with something Conspiracy_Victim said. Playing to the stereotype with Santino would be great.   Ok, the next match is the First Blood match, between HHH and William Regal.   - I liked it, but there really wasn't a whole lot to say. HHH punched Regal a whole bunch, and made Regal bleed. The end. **1/2. After the match, HHH gave Regal a PEDIGREE and celebrated. I'm not an HHHater, but I still think that was unnecessary. He's still putting people over, though, so why complain? That said, the product is about 1,000,000 times better than when I quit watching. I really like what I've seen thus far, for the most part. ___________________   The next match was Chris Jericho...in what was a HANDICAP MATCH. He's facing Snitsky and...JBL. Not much surprise, there. Besides, the newer fan needs to see JBL in-ring before the Rumble, so this is acceptable.   - Ok, JBL looked a little flabby. Why is this a bad thing? I see way too much hypocrisy from Smarks these days. These guys aren't supposed to use steroids, and you make fun of those who do. But when you see a guy who doesn't, you make fun of him too? Idiots.   - JBL hits Jericho with the ring bell at the end of the match, giving Jericho the win by DQ. 1/2*. Now, JBL grabs a cable, and begins to choke Jericho with it. He ties a noose around Jericho's neck, and drags him all the way towards the entrance. He begins to hang Jericho on the scaffolding on the side of the entrance, but various officials/road agents come out to stop the beating. Ok, that was cool. And now, the thing with Benoit never crossed my mind, nor would it ever have unless someone mentioned it. I'm kinda sensitive when it comes to things like that (although not a straight out bitch), but really guys, let it go. There's really nothing offensive about the Jericho segment at all. Plus, a segment like that could garner a few more PPV buys. Note that I said could. ___________________   Now, it's time for the Hornswoggle tag team match, as he's found a partner to face the Highlanders. It's some guy named BK Jordan. However, MICK FOLEY, being the man that he is, ABSOLUTELY MUST help the little guy. So he decides to be Hornswoggle's partner.   - The match was way too long, let's put it that way. Hornswoggle won the bout after a frog splash. Sorry, I'm not calling it a tadpole splash. *1/4. The match was too long, it should've been a Foley squash. I wonder why Foley's going to be in the Rumble. I have this feeling that he'll get in the Elimination Chamber and win, OR, he'll go after CM Punk in a face vs. face thing leading up to WrestleMania. Hell, he could do both, putting Punk over huge at WrestleMania. Or he could do neither and disappear after the Rumble, considering that the WWE would never let Foley pick up pinfalls in an Elimination Chamber match, and losing in such a match would damage any possible rub he could give Punk. ___________________   In the main event, it was Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga in a cage match. Randy Orton's at ringside, btw.   - Ok, here's the first of many cool spots. Umaga backdropped Hardy into the cage...   - Randy Orton threw multiple chairs into the ring, and Umaga complied with Orton's wishes by hitting Hardy in the back with one of them...   - Jeff Hardy threw a chair at Umaga...but before that, he crotched Umaga on the top rope, and delivered a Poetry in Motion to him, knocking Umaga into the cage.   - Jeff gave Umaga a DDT into a chair, and while trying to escape through the door, Orton shut the door in his face.   - Umaga tried to give Jeff a SAMOAN SPIKE, but Jeff gave him the TWIST OF FATE. Then, Hardy climbed up the cage, and delivered a WHISPER IN THE WIND FROM THE TOP, which helped him to gain the pinfall, after a match that lasted around 15 minutes. Ok, that match rocked. I guess I was right about these two being able to have a really good match, wasn't I? ***3/4. Umaga's nerve hold was the only negative to what was a great match. Hardy then climbed up the cage, and stared down Randy Orton to end the show. Honestly, I thought Hardy was going to jump off onto Orton. That would've been awesome. ___________________   This show was pretty good, and far beyond my expectations. As long as the product stays like this, I'll keep watching. And the Royal Rumble card looks great, IMO. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do with the Ladder Match DVD. Needless to say, my next "Random Thoughts" piece will have something to say about that, ECW from later today, and the MSG show from 1980.
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RAW from 5/12/1997...mostly.

Ok, time for some random thoughts about things I've watched which I'm unable to type a full review of. When I go back to work once this hand is healed, this part of my reviewing, outside of Raw and Nitro, is very likely to stay like this. I won't have the time to write like I did before. I probably shouldn't have tagged this under review, but whatever. ___________________   So, first, Shorties Section. RAW debuts, introduced by Santino Marella.   - Triple H's finisher in his first RAW match was a funny one to see. I couldn't picture him doing a cutter variation now, so that was a surprise.   - The original concept with Mankind's music was awesome. The piano music at the end, I mean. He gave Bob Holly a little too much during the match, though.   - The shoulderbreaker was a pretty lame finisher for a debuting guy. So why did Rocky Maivia have it? Sunny fawning over him on commentary was funny, as was Rocky's hair. Not diggin' all the blue, though.   - The Headbangers beat the Hardy's the hell up, on that RAW where Sid won the title from Bret Hart, the night after the Final Four. Not much to see here at all, except for the Hardy's lame choice in tights.   - Carlito's RAW debut in an Intercontinental Championship match against Shelton Benjamin featured a hilarious botched somersault plancha, by Benjamin. It was one of the funnier botches I've seen, seeing as the guy didn't get hurt. And the match was **1/4, thankfully, as Carlito cheated to win at 9:07. I like Shelton Benjamin, but he always seems to have the most lax attitude in the entire promotion during his matches.   - Umaga beat up Ric Flair in his RAW debut, the night after WM 22. Nothing really to mention here.   - Santino Marella beat Umaga in a no-holds barred Intercontinental Championship match, during his debut in Milan, Italy. First, I loved the European football type atmosphere in the crowd. That was awesome. Second, Bobby Lashley is the exact opposite of what the WWE needs to have on TV. He looks like a black Scott Steiner. Anyway, Santino only won as a result of Bobby Lashley's interference. And there was really no way I could rate that "match."   Ok, that was a pretty good selection to start with, given that you aren't going to get any great matches out of this bunch. It's a hell of a lot better than the WWE picking so many matches I've already seen or have last month. ___________________   Ok, next is Black Saturday, which I watched about an hour ago (when I typed this part, anyway)   - Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch are awesome, although I already knew that. And the move they used to finish their squash tag match was incredible. Like a back suplex Doomsday Device.   - George Steele is a heel is much better than the watered-down version that he became just a few years later.   - Jesse Ventura's match was nothing special...that shouldn't be a surprise.   - B.Brian Blair had an interview with Gene Okerlund, talking about challenging for the WWF Tag Titles...this was quickly followed by an interview with Alexis Smirnoff. I thought Smirnoff's faux Russian accent was brutal.   - The Iron Sheik's squash match was fun, namely because of the chants, "Iran sucks" and "We Want Slaughter." Unfortunately, there was no appearance by Slaughter.   - Bobo Brazil vs. Big John Studd was tough for me to pay attention to, because my cousin wouldn't leave me alone. It was entertaining, which is more than I thought I would say. Studd won with an elbowdrop.   Overall, I can see why people were up in arms about this. And the suggestion that people were up in arms about this just because they were NWA purists is absurd. People were up in arms about this because an entire territory was GONE. I'd be pissed too if an entire roster of wrestlers that I watched and liked just disappeared. That doesn't really count for WCW, because while I watched them, I wanted them to die as a result of their stupidity. I may have been a mark, but I knew the score. Also, it became part of a storyline. This was never the case with Georgia Championship Wrestling. ___________________   Now, onto RAW, from 5/12/97. I'm using thehistoryofwwe.com to jumpstart my memory. The non-match stuff MAY be out of order.   - The show started with the Hart Foundation giving an interview, Vince Russo style. By that, I mean the promo to open the show, which has become a staple in recent weeks. Anyhow, I'm already tired of them. Bret Hart isn't the best person to be giving interviews like this. While I love the guy, he just isn't. Anyway, nothing happened, they just went backstage after being booed. These should always be a vehicle for someone else to come out and either run them down/get ran down/make or announce a match, or for an attack. None of that happened here.   - In a King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match, Ahmed Johnson beat HHH by Disqualification, when Chyna hit Ahmed with a steel chair. Now, I've gotta ask a question I don't want answered. How did HHH get back in the tournament if he lost? Anyway, we'll see, but it's going to be stupid regardless.   - Scott Putski then faced Leif Cassidy...I hate Scott Putski. Putski won, and was attacked by Cassidy after the match.   - LOD beat PG-13 in a squash, when the Nation chose who they were going to send out, they sent the two small white boys. I found it funny, for that reason.   - The Undertaker defeated Savio Vega by DQ, after the Nation interfered and beat up Taker. The match sucked, and the lights took forever to go off during Undertaker's entrance. I'll get to the angles on the show at the end, after match thoughts.   - RVD beat Jeff Hardy with a split-legged moonsault. He did a giant splash during the match, but that wasn't the finish. Of note (outside of RVD making an appearance on RAW) was RVD's entrance music, you know, the ECW song where Heyman goes all EXTREME....CHAMPIONSHIP....WRESTLING. It's in the FPR ECW videos, if you don't know what I'm talking about.   - It was never announced whether this was a tag title match or not, but this elimination match was Owen Hart and the British Bulldog vs. The Headbangers vs. The New Blackjacks vs. Doug Furnas and Phil LaFon. The match was kinda shitty, because it cut to commercial in the middle. Owen and the Bulldog won the match, too. So I guess it didn't matter whether or not it was a title match. Now, for the angles/interviews, which are in no order, simply because it didn't matter. The Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels thing ended the show, as Hart was just talking to Shawn. That sucked.   - Faarooq cut a promo in the ring, on the Undertaker. After that, the Undertaker cut a promo on Faarooq, on the TitanTron. This was after Taker's match.   - Mankind came out along with a burnt Paul Bearer, to give the Undertaker a warning, before divulging a secret. I'm pretty sure what this leads to.   - Steve Austin came out and cut a promo on Brian Pillman. You have to cut the ass off a snake first. So, for the Hart Foundation, he'll start with Brian Pillman. Best part of the show.   - There was also Part 2 of that Dustin Rhodes interview, which I really didn't care about.   I think that's it. Anyway, this show wasn't too hot. Next time I'll write this stuff down, because I'm sure I forgot something. That's why there aren't any star ratings. ___________________   Now, Nitro.   - The Ultimo Dragon forced Juventud Guerrera to submit in a fun bout, for Dragon's TV Title. Juvi's mask sucks. This match didn't.disappoint, and ended with the Dragon Sleeper.   - US Champ Dean Malenko defeated Steve McMichael, after interference from Reggie White. I never want to watch the Mongo/White match. Ever. Reggie White's appearances embarass me. Reggie cut a promo after the match. It sucked.   - Wrath squashed Scotty Riggs. I hate Riggs. James Vandenburg came out, along with Mortis before the match, and Vandenburg told us Wrath's name. Glacier came out after the match, and looked menacing. Nobody cared.   - In the last match, Hugh Morrus and Konnan defeated Ice Train and Alex Wright. Wright was totally uninterested in tagging with Ice Train. Teddy Long looked fat. Also, Morrus got cold feet before attempting to moonsault Ice Train. He got up top and went all...I can't do it. Ice Train blows. Also, I love when Alex Wright does that stupid dance. Makes me laugh every time.   - For angles, Randy Savage came out and ran down DDP. Nothing in that.   - Roddy Piper, Kevin Greene and Ric Flair come to the ring and talk...until Syxx, Kevin Nash and Scott Hall appeared on a video screen and ran them down, until the video cut to commercial. My original thought was, those guys are definitely in the building...   - And then, the aformentioned members of the NWO attacked Roddy Piper. THOUGHT SO.   - Lastly, Eric Bischoff and Fake Sting came to the ring, to make fun of/talk trash about the real Sting. So Sting comes down the aisleway, and beats up Fake Sting, which causes Eric Bischoff to run away. That ended the show.   Neither was better this time. Both RAW and Nitro sucked. ___________________   Lastly, we have ECW. No, not the ECW on 24/7. The ECW that was on Sci-Fi last night. Yeah, I buckled, and I'm going to start watching WWE's product again. I knew this would happen. We'll see how it turns out. There are two reasons for this.   1. I am not missing Ric Flair's last run. No way, no how.   2. There are a few "younger" (meaning future stars) who I like, so I'd like to watch them, as well.   Ok, so...   - To start the show, Armando Alejandro Estrada brings out Chavo Guerrero. What's this about? Well, I guess Chavo got sick of hearing about CM Punk, or something. Anyway, the Cuban guy makes a match for later, which will be Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk, and if Chavo wins, he gets an ECW Title Shot. I really hate when a company books the, "if you win, you get a title shot" match. Just do. And also, where did Estrada's accent go? It's gone, isn't it. - Jimmy Wang Yang, Shannon Moore and Kelly Kelly defeated John Morrison, The Miz (both preceding are Smackdown Tag Team Champions), and Layla. During the ring entrances, I wondered, why am I watching this shit again? The reasons are self explanatory, if you watch the WWE. If you don't, well, Yang's entrance music is shit, John Morrison looks like a homosexual, and the Miz is the Miz. By, "John Morrison looks like a homosexual," I'm talking about during his entrance. There is absolutely no reason to slow down the video so that we can see his hair blow in the fake wind gusts that come out through the stage. The match was decent, and ended when Yang gave the Miz a moonsault block, for the pin. **1/4. Wang and Moore will face Morrison and the Miz in a 15 minutes of fame match next week, which entails that the team which wins the most falls will win the match. Anyway, the Miz sucks.   - Then, Big Daddy V squashed some white kid. I don't know or care what his name was.   - Shelton Benjamin beats James Curtis...this match was WAY too long. Shelton's turnbuckle powerbomb is cool, though, unlike his catch phrase. It was smart of him to change his hairstyle, it helps to distinguish him from any other generic wrestler.   - Last, CM Punk defeated Chavo Guerrero by countout. I was flipping back and forth between Dirty Jobs and this during most of the matches, that's why there isn't a rating for anything but the first. Hey, I like Dirty Jobs. Great show. Chavo looks flabby without being on steroids. Drastically different, but that's ok. Don't do drugs.   When there are games on (Lakers or Kings) I'll be flipping back and forth during these shows. But what I saw tonight was good, and I'll keep watching. A positive to the brand extension is that I can just ignore what I don't like watching. A negative is that I quit watching in the first place because I could just ignore shows I don't like watching. We'll see how long I keep watching for. Could only be until Flair retires, who knows. ___________________   So, yeah, that's what I've watched since the last review I posted. The next few of these may not be as in-depth as this one, I don't know. Just generally whatever I think about something, and sometimes, I don't think about anything during a particular match. This kinda turned into what I didn't want it to turn into towards the end. Too review-ish, but that was because I forgot a few things about RAW and Nitro. The next one will not be that way. I'll post the Bash at the Beach '94 review on Friday.
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Review: WCW Bash at the Beach 1994, from Orlando, Florida, 7/17/1994.

My hand is nearly ready to start typing these in full. Nearly, but who knows how long that'll be. Anyhow, nothing will be there to review in full like that until the 15th, at which point I'll probably bring back a full review with Royal Rumble 1988. Fitting in with the theme of the month "Big Bangs and Dazzling Debuts," it's Hulk Hogan's WCW debut. So... ___________________   Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan talk for a while, until we are given a rendition of the national anthem by some guy named Daron Norwood. Who? Next, we see a clip of Sting vs. Ric Flair from WCW Saturday Night. I've heard that match is a very good one, but it's just a clip here. Anyway, Sting was scheduled to challenge Lord Steven Regal for the TV Title tonight. But since he has a lacarated cornea or something from Sensous (their name for her, not mine) Sherri scratching him on the face, after coming through the crowd dressed as a man. After that, Hulk Hogan ran into the ring to save Sting, until Ric Flair got the edge on him after a chopblock. The attack continued until Mr. T and Jimmy Hart save Hogan from Flair. Ok, then. ___________________   The first match on the card is Johnny B. Badd vs. Lord Steven Regal w/Sir William for the WCW TV Title. Yes, Sir William is Bill Dundee. My brother thinks Badd looks really fabulous. Take that for what you will.   I don't like that there's confetti all over the ring during the match, from when Badd shot it out of the Badd Blaster during his entrance. The crowd was into this match, which was definitely a good thing. However, this one was strange. The match didn't get going well until at the end, at which point Badd began to take over the match. He hit Regal with a left hook, which knocked him to the floor, and then he hit Regal with a pescado. He tossed Regal in and came in with a sunset flip, but Regal reversed it (strangely) into a rollup for 3 at 10:40. After the match, Badd attacks Sir William, and then, WCW's crew clears the confetti out of the ring. Thank you. The ending looked really bad, but it was still something good to open the show. **1/2. ___________________   Next, Antonio Inoki's in the ring. Zuh? Well, Steven Regal comes into the ring, and runs down the fact that he's not being given an award, while Inoki is. After talking for a while, Inoki chases him around the inside of the ring, until Regal chickens out and goes backstage. Jesse Ventura then comes out for commentary, prior to... ___________________   This bout is The Guardian Angel vs. Vader w/Harley Race. Guardian Angel = Ray Traylor.   My brother points out to me that Traylor looks like a Russian with the beret he wears during his entrance. He's right. This was a fun one. And Vader gave Traylor the moonsault, which was great. Anyway, Race gave Vader this baton thing to hit Traylor with as the referee was down, but Traylor stole it. The referee then wakes up and sees Traylor with the baton, and he disqualifies Traylor, giving Vader the win by disqualification, at 7:58. He never even hit Vader with the thing, which soured me on an otherwise decent affair. *3/4. ___________________   Mike Tenay and Chris Cruise, who are operating the WCW Hotline, want to speak to Terry Funk, but Funk wants no part of that. Now, for a recap of the feud between Dustin Rhodes, Bunkhouse Buck and Funk. On some show, Terry hit Dustin with a branding iron. And Dustin does a great bladejob, which was a surprise, given WCW's restrictions on blood. Anyway, Dustin wants Arn Anderson to team with him against Buck and Funk, and Arn says sure.   Before that match, there's a video of some silly match before the show. I have no idea what this is. ___________________   And now, we have Bunkhouse Buck and Terry Funk w/Meng and Colonel Robert Parker vs. Dustin Rhodes and Arn Anderson in a Grudge Match.   I'm very interested to see what happens in this match. I don't know what happens here at all. Anyway, Dustin takes an asskicking. Funk acts like a nutcase for most of the match, which is great. Anyway, Dustin finally powers up and hits both opponents with multiple elbows, and when he hits Robert Parker, he decides to tag in Arn. Arn is fired up too...but he gives DUSTIN A DDT. What the FUCK. Ok, that one surprised me. Wow. Funk then covers Dustin at 11:15 for the 3 count. There is monstrous heel heat here. Now the heels go to work on the arm, stomping it and kneedropping it. What a great match finish, ***. There was a gigantic WTF factor there, the crowd didn't expect, and neither did I. Like I said, I try not to find things out about these shows, and not only that, I've never seen this show in my life. WCW post-Hogan arrival to Fall Brawl 1995 is a blank slate to me. Mean Gene Okerlund then encounters Arn in the aisleway, and asks him why he did that. He sidesteps the question, and says that they're going to celebrate. ___________________   Tony and Bobby begin to talk to Hank Aaron, but thankfully, it's time for Part 2, as this conversation is edited out. ___________________   A Jimmy Hart thing (not part of the Bash show) opens up Part 2, and then it's Ric Flair and Sensous Sherri with Mean Gene. I've gotta ask, couldn't they think of a better first name for Sherri? That one sucks. Flair loves the match being live, and worldwide. This isn't on Worldwide, what the hell's he talking about? Sherri says that Flair's the man, and now, we have... ___________________   Ricky Steamboat vs. Steve Austin, for the US Title. This match sounds great, and it should be. Steamboat's entrance with the dubbed music sounds like something out of Pirates of the Carribean. Just sayin'.   I love watching Steamboat chop the shit out of his opponent. Austin has the words, "Dragon Slayer" on his trunks. Thought that was worth a mention. Ventura gushes over Steamboat throughout the match, which is no surprise. He always gives Ricky credit. Unfortunately, this match is a disappointment. I expected far more. There's too much "going through the motions" here, and Tony never fails to disappoint with his "biggest night in the history of our sport" crap. I think that's the first time he's done so thus far. The match gets good at the end, but by that point it was a bit beyond being saved. Steamboat gives Austin a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER after multiple reversals, and goes to the top rope. Before this, Austin tried to toss Steamboat over the top rope twice. You know, because of that retarded DQ rule. Austin then pushes the referee, and the referee goes to make a disqualification. Steamboat then talks to the referee, and pleads for the match to continue and not be ended via disqualification. And the referee listens. Austin then spears Steamboat and beats him up. He throws him into the ropes and misses a clothesline, so Steamboat counters with a crossbody. Austin reverses the crossbody and puts his feet on the ropes, to get the pinfall at 20:06. I expected much, much more from this. A disappointing ***1/4. Still good, but nowhere near what one would expect from these two. ___________________   Next is a WCW Hotline promo, before Bobby Heenan (back on commentary in place of Ventura) and Tony make their predictions of who will win the tag team match that's up next. I didn't pay attention to what they said. Following that, Mean Gene is with the newly formed Stud's Stable. That's what Arn joined, see. Arn talks about the Sid thing without mentioning him by name, and says that this is the real Arn Anderson. ___________________   Ok, the next match is Pretty Wonderful vs. Cactus Jack and Kevin Sullivan w/Dave Sullivan for the WCW World Tag Team Championship. Pretty Wonderful was the team of Paul Orndorff and Paul Roma.   This sounds decent on paper. On paper. In actuality, this is a pile of shit. So much so, that the crowd starts doing the wave during the match. That's gotta be disheartening to the wrestlers involved. This is so boring, there's at been at least 6 minutes of restholds. Anyway, Cactus gets the cold tag, and gives Orndorff a double-arm DDT. Dave Sullivan then gets on the ring apron for some inexplicable reason, and Roma trips Cactus. Orndorff then pins Cactus while Roma holds Cactus' feet down, giving Pretty Wonderful the win and tag titles at 20:11. This was terrible. DUD. Everyone should be ashamed of the shitty effort they put in. ___________________   It's time for the main event, the biggest match in the history of our sport! First Nick Bockwinkel comes to the ring, and then, Shaquille O'Neal. That gets a rise out of the crowd, this being Orlando and all. ___________________   The match everyone's talking about is Hulk Hogan w/Mr. T and Jimmy Hart vs. Ric Flair w/Sensous Sherri for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship. Well, Hogan's music is shit. Not that I forgot about it, but it's terrible.   Ok, since this match has so much overbooking, I'll give that the rundown. Multiple times Ric Flair pulls Sherri in between he and Hogan when outside of the ring. That's no surprise. Hogan's technical wrestling is solid in this match, and that was a surprise. Ok, a bit later, Sherri grabs Hulk's leg while Hulk is running the ropes. It causes Hulk to turn around, and Flair chops him out of the ring. Sherri then grabs a chair, but Jimmy Hart steals it away from her. Flair takes a back suplex outside of the ring during the match, which was great. Hogan does a faux Hulk-Up, and gives Flair a big boot, which gets 2 as a result of Sherri pulling the official out of the ring. Sherri then hits Jimmy Hart, and gives Hogan a big splash off the top rope. There's a new referee, but Flair distracts him, while Sherri chokes Hogan with her panty hose. Flair then puts Hogan in the figure-four, and Sherri tries another splash on Hogan from the top. She misses, so Hogan knocks her out of the ring, while clotheslining Flair. He gives Flair a figure-four, as Mr. T carries Sherri to the back. But before T gets there, she tosses Flair a foreign object to hit Hogan with. Flair punches Hogan and only gets two, so it's HULK-UP TIME LITTLE DUDE. ONE TWO THREE, BOOT, DROP THE FUCKING LEG for 3 at 21:50. Ok, at first, I was going to call this **3/4. However, there's a gigantic amount of overbooking. I'm not going to deduct anything, for third reasons. First, the segments in between the overbooking are outstanding. The wrestling is crisp, and psychology is sound. Secondly, I feel like I already deducted stars for rating it that low in the first place. Third, should I deduct stars, I have no idea how low I should go. There was just SO MUCH. My rating is still **3/4, with an aforementioned warning that the overbooking is such that it can make the match un-enjoyable. However, I still enjoyed it.   After the match, Shaq hands Hogan the title, and Hogan poses. I was hoping this was the end of the show, but it's not. Hogan gives an interview in the back, and runs into Brutus Beefcake and Jim Duggan along the way back there. Talk about who I would not want in WCW, those two are atop the list. Once he gets back there to talk to Gene Okerlund, he goes into formula Hogan mode. He puts over Johnny B. Badd, Duggan, Beefcake and Brian Pillman(?) as loyal Hulkamaniacs, and rambles for a while, until the interview ends and we go back to Bobby and Tony. Show's over, after they say a few things. ___________________   Rating: Decent. Largely disappointing, IMO. I thought this was going to be a great show, I really did. I nearly forgot to mention that NO babyfaces won on the entire card until the main event. I think that's shitty of WCW. Had I paid for the show, I would've been a little peeved. However, unlike StarrCade '92, I definitely would have bought this in the first place. Not a question about it. That said, there are still things about this show that are well worth checking out, namely Hogan/Flair, and Arn Anderson's turn.   Best Segment: Arn Anderson's turn on Dustin Rhodes. No contest.   Worst Segment: Kevin Sullivan and Cactus Jack vs. Pretty Wonderful. Brutal stuff.   Loudest Sound: Johnny B. Badd, Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair and all participants in the grudge match. After the Arn heel turn, the crowd really turned down the volume. That wasn't a good thing.   No Sound: Ricky Steamboat, Cactus Jack, Kevin Sullivan, and Steve Austin. Although Pretty Wonderful are Pretty Awful, they got massive heel heat prior to and after their title win. Austin was the only heel to get little reaction. ___________________   The Lakers play tonight, so when I post that "Random Thoughts" thing in a few days, there won't be anything about Smackdown except for what I thought of the booking, if anything at all. I won't be watching much of Smackdown unless there's a blowout in the Laker game. Anyhow, that thing will probably be up Monday afternoon.
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Review: WCW Starrcade: BattleBowl/The Lethal Lottery, from Atlanta, Georgia, 12/28/1992.

Oh yeah, BATTLEBOWL!!!! I'm tempted to make an out battle beat joke, but I can't do it. ___________________   It's JIM ROSS and JESSE VENTURA on commentary. This is the best possible combination of commentators in wrestling history. Eric Bischoff comes on screen to inform us that Rick Rude will not be able to contend for the WCW Title tonight. Well, gee. Instead, it's going to be Steve Williams. Not quite sure how I feel about that. ___________________   Tony Schiavone's in the ring with Bill Watts and Hank Aaron...this is funny, and surely in the way that you're probably thinking of. Considering how Aaron got Watts fired, and all. The winner of BATTLEBOWL gets a ring next year, so Sting, who won the last BATTLEBOWL, gets a ring this year. That was a serious WTF, I mean, why not just present the ring to the winner of this year's BATTLEBOWL tonight? Anyway, Sting gets his ring and all. As a result of winning last year's BATTLEBOWL, Sting is automatically drawn into a match as part of the Lethal Lottery. And now...we go to Larry Zbybyszszszko and Missy Hyatt, for the first 4 names drawn in the LETHAL LOTTERY. ___________________   The first match is...VAN FUCKING HAMMER and Dangerous Dan Spivey vs. Cactus Jack and Johnny B. Badd.   Wow. I know the Lethal Lottery wasn't legit, but one could believe that it was, with the combinations that get spit out. At the end of the match, Van Hammer's pinning Cactus, but Hammer gets up when Badd comes in, and that causes Badd to elbowdrop Cactus Jack. Cactus then pushes Badd, but gets punched in the face, causing Van Hammer to get the roll-up and 3 count at 6:51. Spivey and Van Hammer are into the final stage of BattleBowl. On a side note, the dubbed entrance music for all the participants is quite catchy. *1/2. On another side note, Badd looks so homosexual that I nearly forgot to mention it in passing. It was like, "yeah, he looked gay." Not even anything more than that. ___________________   The second matchup of the teams drawn by Zbyszko and Hyatt is Dustin Rhodes and Big Van Vader w/Harley Race vs. Kensuke Sasaki and the Barbarian. More weird stuff on the surface, BUT, Dustin Rhodes faced Vader in the King of Cable Semifinals. Something to watch for.   Dustin Rhodes is really over. Really. Anyway, Sasaki's not very well inclined to be doing a match over here. Nobody knew who he was. Barbarian and Vader are stiff as fuck, so this is pretty good stuff, albeit short. Barbarian accidentally runs into Sasaki, who's on the ring apron, so he gets rolled up by Rhodes for 3 at 6:56. I thought for sure that Sasaki would take the fall. Like I said, I try hard not to think about or look for results of the events that get posted on this channel. Something like this show was very easy to forget. Match was **. After the match, Race and Vader attack Dustin. Race gives him a kneedrop, after Vader gives him a clothesline. What nice guys. ___________________   The next result of the draw is Barry Windham and THE GREAT MUTA vs. 2 Cold Scorpio and Flyin' Brian. I love that second team.   Scorpio does a bit of crazy shit throughout, namely a slingshot 450 kneedrop. I shit you not. Muta and Windham are clearly saving some energy for later. Windham gives Scorpio a lifted DDT, and Muta comes off the top rope with a moonsault for the finish at 6:59. **1/4. Short and energetic, which is certainly nothing to complain about. ___________________   The last Lethal Lottery match, obviously featuring Sting...is he and Steve Williams vs. Jushin Lyger and "you had me until right there" Erik Watts.   The main thing I'm sure people (Smues included) want to know about the match was...was the DROPKICK that bad. Yes. Yes it was. Watts kicked his opponent with one foot, in the knee. Not to mention, he looked like he was standing up. I was laughing so hard that I didn't even see who he kicked. I think it was Lyger. Anyway, he gave another dropkick to someone, which looked shitty too, if not as bad. It's really hard to say I've seen a worse dropkick than the famed WATTS DROPKICK. The rest of the match was solid. Watts gave Williams a shitty STF that he sold like death, which really bothered me. So after reaching the ropes, Williams gave Watts a hotshot, to win the match at 9:08. I can't believe anyone would let Bill Watts push his son like that. Awful isn't the best word to describe Erik. It was just as bad watching JUSHIN FUCKING LYGER be his tag partner, and have to make the hot tag to Watts. Honestly, the first three participants I named are 3 of 4 guys who would be in a dream match. I can't rate it too poorly. *3/4, with stars obviously knocked off because of Watts participation. ___________________   So, the final eight who will be in BATTLEBOWL are Dan Spivey, Van Hammer, Big Van Vader, Dustin Rhodes, Barry Windham, the Great Muta, Sting and Steve Williams. ___________________   Tony Schiavone and Larry Zbyszko talk about the upcoming match between The Great Muta and Masahiro Chono for the NWA Title. Well look, here it is! The NWA Title is the Big Gold Belt, FWIW.   Ok, that was dogshit. Bad as it was, I thought it would be like this. The style of the match isn't going to cater to an American fanbase. It was puro-ish. Not only that, but the finishing sequence blew dog dick. Chono won with the STF at 12:49. It seemed much longer than that. Much. It's kinda hard to rate this, because of the way it went. I'll just call it a DUD and leave it at that. If I was able to write a full review, it would sound like this is a great match. It really wasn't. Both were lazy as hell. ___________________   We clip to a WCW Saturday Night...well, clip, that talks about Rick Rude's US Title possibly being stripped as a result of the herniated disk in his back, and the same may be the case for his status as the #1 Contender for the WCW Championship. Rude then comes to ringside during the "live" feed, and says that WCW is conspiring against him. He wound up being stripped of the title and didn't wrestle until April. ___________________   The next match is the match that Rude was scheduled to participate in, for the WCW Title. I'd like to have seen what would've happened had Rude been available for this show. It's Steve Williams vs. Ron Simmons.   Jim Ross has about 20 orgasms during this match while talking about OU and FSU. I wasn't surprised in the least. It's a very strange, long match. Too long. Williams works Simmons over, and given Simmons limitations, it's not as pretty as when Williams does it to better workers. The formula doesn't quite work. Not only that, it's really, really slow. When Simmons does his Hogan-esque charge, he gives Williams a spinebuster, and returns the favor from earlier, with a few chopblocks. Williams did that a few minutes ago, see. Simmons flies through the ropes to the floor, and now they brawl on the outside. Simmons accidentally clotheslines the ringpost, and that leads to a Double Countout at 15:12. Both wrestlers fight after the match, and Williams gives Simmons a face smash to the canvas off the top rope, which causes the referee to change his decision to a DQ win for Ron Simmons. The crowd liked that. They liked Simmons too, which explains why they liked that. Anyway, I thought it was a pretty shitty finish. You can't give your babyface champ a clean win at Starrcade? But this is WCW, so I shouldn't be surprised. *1/2. ___________________   Tony and Larry are on again, talking about the tag title match. See, Barry Windham attacked the champions at Clash XXI, after losing the titles to them while teamed with Dustin Rhodes. Anyway, WCW's tag team scene in 1992 was great. ___________________   So, yeah, the next match is Flyin' Brian and Barry Windham vs. Shane Douglas and Ricky Steamboat for the WCW World Tag Team Titles.   Here's what I noticed during the match, that was only somewhat related to the match itself. The floor is disgusting. Shane Douglas was thrown out of the ring, and when he came back in, his back was blackened with dirt and food crumbs. Gross. For things related to the match...the heat segments were awesome. Really great stuff. Windham and Pillman (mostly Windham) just beat the shit out of Douglas and Steamboat between hot tags. Yes, there were two. First heat segment was with Douglas, and the second with Steamboat. My only complaint is that after the second hot tag, the finish came a bit too quickly. But as far as tag team wrestling goes, it's hard to find many matches better than this. Douglas cleaned house when tagging in, and Steamboat gave Windham a crossbody which put both guys out to the ramp that was connected to the ring in the old WCW days. Then Douglas gave Pillman that belly-to-belly suplex of his, to finish the match at 20:02. This pretty much rocked it. I read somewhere that Scott Keith gave this **1/4. He must've been on drugs. This was an easy ****1/4. Easy. If you like tag team wrestling, it's worth looking for this match. Douglas really could take a beating then. ___________________   Prior to Big Van Vader w/Harley Race vs. Sting in the King of Cable Final, we get a clip of Sting attacking Vader at one of the WCW TV shows. Probably WCW Saturday Night.   This is another fantastic match. There are many great spots, and I'll name all of them. Sting gives Vader a german suplex, putting Vader on his head. That was worth a YO. After that, he clotheslines Vader over the top rope, which knocks Vader's mask off. Then, Sting comes back into the ring quickly, and pescado's onto both Vader and Race. That's certainly not the last of the WOW spots. Sting places Vader on the top later, and gives him a DDT from up there. Not Randy Orton style, I mean he followed him up there and gave him a DDT. That was great. Moving on, Vader's standing at the guardrail, and Sting tries a STINGER SPLASH. Unfortunately, he misses, and now Vader goes to work. I've gotta say, Ross' commentary throughout the match is fantastic. I can't quote it, because it doesn't give off the same vibe as the desperate situation he describes the match to be. Vader's giving Sting a real beating now. Vader's giving Sting rights and lefts, but Sting's doing the rope-a-dope strategy, much like Ross says. Vader tries for a superplex later, but he gets pushed off by Sting. Because Sting's so beaten up, he falls off too. Sting then gives Vader a huge samoan drop, and gets a splash off the top rope for 2. Vader then returns the favor with a chokeslam after Race distracts Sting, and gives him a big splash from the top. Vader goes for another, but Sting pops up, and gives him a powerslam in mid-move, for the win at 16:50. Sting's the KING OF CABLE. ****1/2. That's probably one of my favorite matches. It would've been better had Vader been in full-on WHO'S THE MAN mode, but he wasn't, yet. Everything about the match was great. ___________________   Now it's time for BATTLEBOWL. Ok, Tony talked to Paul Hornung before the event...and during the conversation, he said this PPV was on Monday, the 28th of December. MONDAY? What the hell?   The eight participants in BATTLEBOWL are Dan Spivey, Van Hammer, Big Van Vader, Dustin Rhodes, Barry Windham, the Great Muta, Sting and Steve Williams.   Unfortunately, I couldn't keep times, and wikipedia didn't keep elimination times either, so I don't have them. I only have the order of elimination. Before the match, Vader attacked Sting on the entrance ramp. Heh. Sting's then on the ropes, and Vader charges into the ring, taking Sting with him. Van Hammer gets thrown out by Steve Williams, as Dustin Rhodes bulldogs Barry Windham on the ramp. Yeah, that broke something of Windham's, as you could see when he was bleeding later in the match. Sting puts Spivey out, and then, Vader charges into Sting, knocking both he and Sting out. They fight to the back or something, but I was surprised by Windham's blood, so I didn't notice it. The final four are Rhodes, Windham, Muta and Williams. Dustin and Barry beat the crap out of each other, until Williams knocks himself and Rhodes over the top rope. So it's the partners from earlier, Windham and Muta. The crowd liked that. Windham gives Muta a superplex, and then dropkicks Muta over the top. Windham's celebrating, BUT, Muta skins the cat back in, and gives Windham two dropkicks to send him out of the ring. The Great Muta is the winner of BATTLEBOWL. And that's the end of the show, too. 6/10 for a less than spectacular battle royal. ___________________   Rating: Good. It's a must watch show because of the two FANTASTIC matches, but the retardedness of BattleBowl isn't something I would have paid the PPV amount for. When reviewing these, I try to think of the overall rating from the mindset of what I would have thought had I paid the full price for the PPV. I may not have even bought it because of BattleBowl. That's a bad thing. I know I wouldn't have bought BattleBowl '93, although I really want to see it now. Nostalgia factor, and all.   Best Segment: Vader vs. Sting in the King of Cable Final. It was awesome.   Worst Segment: Uh, outside of Erik Watts' dropkick, it has to be Muta vs. Chono. It was awful.   Loudest Sound: Dustin Rhodes, Cactus Jack, Sting, and Vader.   No Sound: Masa Chono, Dan Spivey and Van Hammer, Erik Watts, and Kensuke Sasaki. ___________________   I'll be typing up the Bash at the Beach review in a few days. I'm not promising anything, but if I'm able, I'll post thoughts and not a review about the other shows that are on 24/7 this week.
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Review: WWE No Mercy 2007, from Chicago, Illinois, 10/7/2007.

I wanted to watch this, so... ___________________   At the beginning of the show, Vince McMahon and William Regal come to the ring. They talk about John Cena's injury, and present a new WWE Champion, who just so happens to be Randy Orton. Yay! Not really, though. He stands there for a long time, and William Regal congratulates him. Orton's supposed to pick who he defends his title against tonight, BUT, Triple H comes down to the ring. He congratulates Orton, but he wants a title match. Orton says no...so HHH makes fun of Vince. And he gets his title shot, right now. The long-ish opening is too much like RAW, meaning that I don't like it. ___________________   So, yeah, it's HHH vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Title. It's a good match, albeit a bit truncated, given the later events of the night. No PEDIGREE, no RKO. HHH pins Orton after a roll-up, when Orton charges into the ringpost, on accident, through the 2nd and top turnbuckles. Time of the fall was 11:06, and it was a ***1/4 match. The ending surprised me, as although I knew the results of the event before hand, I didn't know how the results were had. So that was cool. HHH celebrates for a long time, and we cut to... ___________________   Vince being disappointed in Orton, backstage. Then, a WrestleMania XXIV promo. Ok. ___________________   The next match is a surprise match, between Jeff Hardy (Intercontinental Champion), Paul London and Brian Kendrick, who are facing Mr. Kennedy, Trevor Murdoch and Lance Cade (World Tag Team Champions, meaning the latter two). There were many cool spots in this match, too many to count, at that. I liked when Hardy did the spot where he runs along the guardrail to jump onto his opponent, but in this case, he tripped and fell at the end. I don't think he was trying to do that. Anyhow, Kennedy ended the match by pinning London after the GREEN BAY PLUNGE, at 8:05. That move looks tough to take. **. ___________________   HHH and Batista encounter each other backstage, until Vince McMahon shows up. He says HHH has to defend his title against Umaga tonight. Vince and HHH have the same looking nose. It's creepy. ___________________   The next match is Big Daddy V w/Matt Striker vs. CM Punk for the ECW Title. Good thing this was short, cause I can't look at Viscera for very long. Striker interferes after a Punk missile dropkick, and that gets V DQ'd, at 1:37. So, why is this on PPV again? DUD. V beats up Punk after the match, and Punk does the whole internal bleeding thing. Just, whatever. ___________________   Matt Hardy and MVP have a pizza eating contest next. Maria is going to keep score for Hardy, and Melina is going to keep score for MVP. Hardy wins, and barfs on MVP. MVP had a REALLY hard time not laughing when Hardy did that. Really. Short, and to the point. Well, it really wasn't, but why should I say more? ___________________   A video package precedes the following match between Umaga and HHH for the WWE Title. Of course, the video was about their 'feud'. HHH pins him with the PEDIGREE at 6:33, after Umaga gave him some tough shots to the ribs. Standard RAW match, so there's really not much to say. *1/2. ___________________   Saveus.22 promo. That's been a real success. ___________________   A promo follows, with Ranjin Singh, Khali's manager. Khali is praying to some Hindu god of violence. I thought this was going to be the Punjabi Prison match. It's not, thankfully. ___________________   This is the first Smackdown match of the night. Well, it took long enough. Who the fuck is this ring announcer? He sucks. Anyway, the match is Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio. There's an elaborate ending, so it'll take a while to explain. Rey kicks Finlay in the head with Finlay on the apron, so he drops down, throat first along the 2nd rope. Basically in 619 position. Rey went up to the top and gave Finlay a legdrop, which caused Finlay to hit his head on the ground, outside the ring. So he's knocked unconscious and all, except he's faking the injury. No time given, because the bell never rang to end the match. You could see him peek his head up, deliberately so, so that the viewers at home knew he was faking. Anyway, he gets put on a stretcher, Rey gets all sad, the referee gives the X, and the crowd starts chanting "Finlay." UNTIL, Finlay gets off the stretcher, and attacks Rey. HARHARHAR. I actually liked that. He beats him up bad, until he leaves. **1/2. Match was sound, but not spectacular. ___________________   Vince and HHH again, as Vince tells HHH he'll face Orton in a LAST MAN STANDING MATCH. I generally HATE Last Man Standing matches. ___________________   Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle is next, for the Women's Title. The battle of terrible theme music!!! Phoenix finishes the match with a fisherman's buster at 4:32, in a finish that only establishes that one, if not both of these wrestlers do not know how to work. It was spot, spot, lay around, Phoenix spot, finish. DUD's are in order. Jerry "the King" Lawler interviews Beth Phoenix after the match, she's perfect and this is a new era...but who cares? ___________________   NOW, we have the Punjabi Prison match between The Great Khali and Batista, for the World Heavyweight Championship. There's one thing I just don't get...why weren't the rules explained? At least, I don't think they were. The rules are...you go through the first of the two cages, to get through the first, you call for a door to be opened. You have a minute to get through, or the door is locked, and closed. There are four doors. If you do not get through the doors, you must climb over the first cage. To win the match, you have to climb over both cages. Basically, this is one of the dumbest fucking things I've ever seen in wrestling. The match is really bad, and really slow. No wonder Rey was in the last PPV Title Match. All the doors get closed, so both wrestlers have to climb over the first cage. Batista tries to climb out, but Khali pulls him down to the ring, at which point, Khali climbs over the first cage. As he begins to climb up the 2nd cage, Batista climbs up the first, eventually getting over it. As Batista climbs down, he realizes that he needs to make a rash decision. So, he jumps from the top area of the first cage, all the way to the 2nd cage. Batista makes it down to the floor first, because he's much smaller. Honestly, I wouldn't have been too sad had Batista fallen to the ground. I don't care for him. Anyway, Batista retains his title. DUD, and only because of that insane leap. That kept it from sure -*'s. 14:47 was the time. ___________________   The last match of the night is Randy Orton vs. HHH in a Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Title, but before the match, HHH has an interview with Todd Grisham. This is a dangerous business, and all that. Anyway, I'll just give the rundown of the big spots. HHH pushes Orton onto the ECW announce table from the RAW announce table, which gets a 9 count. In case you didn't know, the only way to win the match is if your opponent stays down for a 10 count. But I think you already know that. Orton DDT's HHH onto a chair, which gets 9 for both guys. An RKO into a chair, much like Raven does/did with the droptoehold into the chair, gets a 9 count. HHH tells Orton to suck it, and falls back down, for a 9 count. Orton slingshots HHH into the ringpost, at which point HHH does a bladejob. These events are in order, but stuff happens between them. HHH hits Orton in the head with the chair, and in an event that's hard to describe, Orton's head is placed between the portion of the steel steps where it connects to the ringpost, and HHH hits him there with a chair. That looked cool. Crowd is loving this, but it only gets a 9 count. Both men climb on the RAW announce table, and Orton gives HHH an RKO. It doesn't break the announce table, though. Still, that's it. HHH can't get up at the 10 count, and Orton wins the WWE Title, at 20:25. ****1/4, and a hell of a match, although LMS matches are never my favorite. Saved the end of the PPV, too. ___________________   Rating: Good. Two *** matches in this day and age gives a PPV a good rating. Not only that, but it was enjoyable throughout.   Best Segment: Orton vs. HHH in a Last Man Standing Match.   Worst Segment: Batista vs. Khali in a Punjabi Prison Match.   Loudest Sound: HHH, Randy Orton, Batista and Finlay's attack on Rey. Like I said, I try to put two babyfaces and two heels over here.   No Sound: Big Daddy V, Paul London, Brian Kendrick and Umaga. None of them got a reaction. ___________________   I'll post the Starrcade '92 review tomorrow. My hand's not feeling any better, unfortunately.
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Review: WCW/nWo Starrcade 1998, from Washington, DC, 12/27/1998.

Ok, I tried, I just can't do the full version. I'm pissed off about it, but what can I do? I took notes, though, so someday, I'll flush this one out and do it the right way. ___________________   The usuals are on commentary, Tony, Bobby and Tenay. The Four Horsemen have been banned from the building by Bischoff, and Mean Gene talks about the WCW Hotline. Which isn't active, as the giant black box on the screen says. ___________________   The first match was Juventud Guerrera vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Kidman, in a Triangle Match for the WCW Cruiserweight Title. It was overly spotty, but that's what I expected. In that context, I was surprised at how slow it seemed. Anyway, the ending went like this. Eddie Guerrero came to the ring, and reversed Kidman's rollup as the referee was distracted. The referee came in, but the count only got two, as Rey dropkicked Juvi in the face, allowing Kidman to retain his Cruiserweight Title, at 14:54. ***1/2, with a very fun ending, which tied into the next match. Anyhow, Eddie tells Rey and Juvi that they suck. They aren't LWO material, and Kidman's a dweeb. So he needs to come out here... ___________________   Kidman comes out to the ring, and he's going to face Eddie Guerrero, for Kidman's WCW Cruiserweight Title. More of the same, but with a defined heel and face. See, there are things that people can like about Juvi, but not Eddie. He's a real dickhead. Eddie's bodyguard came out to the ring, so the ref's distracted. Juvi crotches Kidman, but Rey pushes Eddie off the top, crotching him along the top rope. Eddie falls to the canvas and Kidman gives him the SHOOTING STAR PRESS, for 3, at 10:47. ***1/2. The first 30 minutes of the show was great. And now it goes WAY downhill. ___________________   Video of Nash/Goldberg confrontations in previous weeks...not much to see. ___________________   The next match is Prince Iaukea vs. NORMAN SMILEY!!! I like Smiley, but why? Starrcade's supposed to be a blowoff show. Anyhow, this match is a steaming pile of shit. Iaukea sucks, and Smiley's style doesn't help matters. He's a mat wrestler, and Iaukea is anything but. Norman does the BIG WIGGLE 3 times throughout the match, and once after. Those were 3 of the 4 pops in the match. The 4th was at the finish, because the crowd was glad to see it end. A huge BORING chant got started during the match, but it died down after a while. Smiley won the match, when Iaukea tapped out to the NORMAN CONQUEST, at 11:32. That's a chickenwing, in case you didn't watch WCW back in the day. Entirely too long. 1/2*. ___________________   Scott Hall comes to the ring now, with no music. A man without music, and without a group. Or so he says. Hey, yo; 2 SWEET and all that. 1998 hasn't been the best for Hall, but '99 will be great. He only has to prove things to himself. Then he leaves. ___________________   Same Nash/Goldberg movie as the last one... ___________________   It's Ernest "the Cat" Miller w/Sonny Onoo vs. Perry Saturn. I like Saturn's music. What I don't like is Miller's cheap heat gimmick. That's all it is. Saturn finishes the bout with the Death Valley Driver at 7:06, after Sonny Onoo accidentally kicked Miller in the chest. Good thing it was short. All Miller did during the entire match was kick. *. Afterward, Miller and Onoo argued on their way to the back. ___________________   Mean Gene Okerlund's in the aisleway, and he interviews Ric Flair. Flair's not at all worried about the Four Horsemen being banned from the building. Bischoff's going to bleed, too.   Scott Steiner and Buff Bagwell encounter Konnan in the back, and tell him that the Red and Black is dead. Lex Luger comes into the room, and keeps Konnan from fighting the other two. Konnan wants to know what's going on. We found out what was going on a few weeks later, didn't we? ___________________   We find out that Nash vs. Goldberg later on is going to be No DQ. Well that's great. The next match is Fit Finlay and Jerry Flynn vs. NWO Black and White's Brian Adams and Scott Norton w/Vincent. What's this WCW Saturday Night shit doing on my screen? A way's through, Flynn gets the hot-tag from Fit, kicks Vincent, but gets powerbombed by Norton, giving the NWO B-Teamers the win at 8:55. DUD, just because this shit doesn't belong on PPV. Come on, a JERRY FLYNN PPV match? ___________________   Mean Gene's with Eric Bischoff in the aisleway, and Bischoff's promo is ironically funny. All that "Flair didn't save a penny stuff, of course. ___________________   Before this match between Chris Jericho w/Ralphus and Konnan for the WCW TV Title, we flashback to Jericho beating up a Konnan impersonator on Nitro two weeks ago. This is the Jericho I like. He's awesome. Jericho comes to the ring wearing Konnan's TV Title. Cause he stole it, or something. Towards the end, we get a beltshot from Jericho to Konnan. The cover gets two, and Konnan comes back with a facebuster and the TEQUILA SUNRISE for the submission at 7:28. It was decent, **. Let's put it this way, there's been so much worse on this show. ___________________   From a WCW.com thing earlier in the day, the Giant got mad at Lee Marshall. He didn't hit him or anything. ___________________   This is Eric Bischoff vs. Ric Flair. Yeah, Bischoff goes over after Curt Hennig runs in during a ref bump and gives him a foreign object to hit Flair with, at 7:08. The less said, the better. Yes, it really was that bad. Crowd shit all over it, so that backs up my -** rating. This is a blowoff show where the babyfaces are supposed to win. Repeat that. ___________________   We're on to Part 2. ___________________   It's the "People's Champion" Diamond Dallas Page vs. The Giant. I can't believe they would so blatantly rip off the WWF with that People's Champ nonsense. Wait a minute...of course I believe it. This IS WCW. Every promotion that thinks they're the new WWF does it, with TNA being the worst offender. Page comes through the crowd to the ring, and we begin the match. It's really boring, IMO. The finish is nice, though. Ref bump, and Bret Hart comes to the ring, where he accidentally hits The Giant with a chair. They're both NWO 4 LIFE, see. Page chopblocks Bret, knocking Bret out of the ring. Now, The Giant places Page on the top turnbuckle, and tries to CHOKESLAM him, but Page reverses it to a DIAMOND CUTTER, which picks up the win at 12:45. While it was boring, at least Page went over. Giant's bearhug killed the positive momentum this match had at the beginning, so it's a *1/2 match. Like I said, it was going well until the middle. ___________________   The same Goldberg/Nash video precedes...Kevin Nash vs. Goldberg, for the WCW Heavyweight Title, in a match where there are No Disqualifications. Goldberg is 173-0, or so WCW says. Let's skip to the ending. Again, this match was fine until a certain point. Ref bump, and instantly, the entire crowd looks to the entrance way. Every match of importance hasn't ended clean. WCW doesn't care about Jericho, so that's not important. If you have your crowd trained to see interference coming like that, there's a problem. Disco Inferno came to the ring, and got SPEARED by Goldberg. Now Bam Bam Bigelow comes to the ring, and Goldberg clotheslines him over the top rope. But as security comes out to get rid of the hangers-on (Disco, Bam Bam), SCOTT HALL comes out, in a security outfit, and TASERS GOLDBERG. Then Nash gives Goldberg the JACKKNIFE, for 3, at 11:19. NEW CHAMPION, and the streak is OVER. It's a DUD. Just because of the way the entire show has gone. The crowd went apeshit for this, SO...I am unsure of whether or not this was a bad thing. The Fingerpoke was what killed the company. Aside from the overbooking, the match was decent. But you have to give someone the rub of pinning Goldberg clean...and that just didn't happen. You do that, you have a new star. It has to be someone young, not Nash. ___________________   Rating: Bad. The first 30 minutes saved this show from being one of the worst I've ever watched. Too much overbooking.   Best Segment: Cruiserweight stuff at the beginning. The matches were equally good, so I'll generalize it.   Worst Segment: Brian Adams and Scott Norton vs. Fit Finlay and Jerry Flynn. Just, no.   Loudest Sound: Nash's pop for winning the Title, Eddie Guerrero's heel heat before the promo he cut on the participants in the Triangle Match, Scott Hall's promo, and Ric Flair, along with Eric Bischoff.   No Sound: Fit Finlay and Jerry Flynn, Norman and Iaukea, and Ernest "the Cat" Miller. ___________________   I'm only going to do this for the PPV's and MSG shows that get posted, because my hand isn't holding up too well throughout this. RAW's, Nitro's, and all that other stuff won't get reviewed. I'm disappointed about that, but oh well. I don't know what'll be next, but it'll be a few days.
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Review: WWE Tribute to the Troops 2006, from Iraq.

Ok, I didn't do this for a while, because, honestly, there wasn't much on to watch. I like to interview a lot of stuff in a row, every day, more like. ___________________   It's Tribute to the Troops from Iraq, so hopefully, the guys put on a good show for the soldiers. That's the main reason I'm interested in watching this, in the first place. JR and the King are on commentary.   The first match, and first segment on the show from Iraq, is a non-title match, between Edge (RAW Tag Team Champion) and John Cena (WWE Champion). Sounds good.   Blow-by-blow: Cena applies a headlock at the beginning of the match, and takes Edge down to the canvas. Edge lifts him up into the air, and Cena does it again. Cena gives Edge a shoulderblock, and we go to the chinlock, early. It doesn't last long, so Edge slaps Cena across the face. Edge gives Cena a forearm, and a shoulderblock of his own. Cena comes back with a hiptoss, and then a scoop slam, followed by an elbowdrop, which gets a 2 count. Cena misses a charge to the corner, so Edge gives him a DDT. He goes for the "10 punch in the corner," but Cena stops him at #3, and drops Edge face-first onto the turnbuckle. Cena gives Edge a suplex, but it only gets a 2 count. Cena misses a backdrop, so Edge gives him a clothesline. A "you suck" chant gets going, obviously in the direction of Edge. Edge covers Cena for 2, and puts Cena on the ring apron. Cena slugs away, and goes up top, and an poke of the eye by Edge knocks Cena down to the floor. Edge gives Cena a baseball slide, as we go to a   commercial break.   We're back, as Edge has Cena locked in a body scissors. The soldiers bless us with a "CENA" chant, so Cena powers out of the hold. Cena then gives Edge a "Throwback," but Edge comes back quickly with a big boot for 2. Edge goes out to the floor and grabs a chair, but the referee takes it away before he can use it. A Cena rollup gets 2, and Edge comes back with a clothesline, and elbowdrop to the back for 2. Edge gives Cena a spinning leg lariat for 2, and applies the camel clutch. JR's thinking the same thing I am, that it's funny he's doing that move in the Middle East, and all. Cena powers out, of course, and falls back onto Edge, who lands hard on the canvas. The two wrestlers now slug it out, and Cena gets the best of it. He gives Edge two flying shoulderblocks, and then the "Killswitch" for 2. I'm getting these names in quotations off wikipedia, in case you were wondering. Cena then gives Edge the FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE, which the soldiers go nuts for. Cena rams Edge hard into the buckle, and goes for the F-U, but Edge counters with a jumping DDT for 2. It didn't look like his finisher, so I won't call it that. Edge goes up top and Cena tries to give him the F-U from UP THERE, but Edge counters the move into a modified electric chair drop from the top. Edge tries for the SPEAR, but misses, ramming himself into the corner, so Cena gives him the F-U for the victory at 14:01 (what was shown). The enthusiasm of the soldiers during each of the matches on this show makes me feel warm inside. It's nice to see.   Match Analysis: Liked it very much, and I bet these two could do better. Note: I haven't seen any of their other matches. The time period of this match is a dark period to me. Easy ***. It's nice to get a match like this on the show. ___________________   Video of General Casey coming to the ring, and saying thanks to the WWE, and then, talking about how the country can be proud of our soldiers. Then we see pictures of the talent with the soldiers, and we cut to CM Punk saying "happy holidays" to everyone at home. Shelton Benjamin does the same, but like he doesn't even want to be there. "That it?" These two are up next!!! ___________________   Yeah, it's CM Punk vs. Shelton Benjamin. Sounds good.   Blow-by-blow: Punk gives Shelton a quick armdrag, and Shelton tries to slam Punk afterward. But Punk counters it into an armdrag, and pushes Shelton down to the canvas. Punk Irish whips Shelton, but Shelton goes all.....STOP, and ducks out of the ring, under the bottom rope. Shelton acts like he's going to leave the area, but Punk runs out quickly and tosses him back into the ring. Punk gives Shelton a few forearms, but Shelton rams Punk shoulderfirst into the ringpost. Shelton begins to work on said shoulder, by ramming him arm first into the buckle. Shelton gives Punk a shoulderbreaker, and applies an armbar. Shelton pulls Punk down to the canvas by his hair, which gets 2. Shelton goes back to work on the arm, until Punk powers out of the hold, and gives Shelton a leg lariat. He clotheslines Shelton and gives him a few high knees, then rams Shelton into the buckle. He kinda charges into Shelton, and gives him the running bulldog for 2. Punk goes up top, and Shelton gives him a pop-up springboard superplex for 2. That was NICE. Shelton misses the SHELTON SPLASH (that's a lame name), and Punk gets the roll-up for 3 at 4:47.   Match Analysis: Typically I hate out of nowhere finishes, right? But since the match was so short, it wasn't really out of nowhere, considering it took place during the finishing sequence. It was **1/4. I would LOVE to see these two in a 20 minute match. Is Shelton any good on the stick? If so, he's being WASTED. ___________________   It's Johnny Nitro w/Melina vs. The Undertaker. The fans wanted to see Melina's whole deal when she gets on the apron, but Nitro covers her up to make sure they can't. Taker doesn't go through his whole entrance, either.   Blow-by-blow: Nitro avoids being crushed by Taker, until he corners Taker, and beats him up. Taker picks him up, and does the same to him in the corner, and applies an armbar afterward. Taker gives him a knucklelock slam, and takes Nitro to the buckle, where Taker gives him OLD SCHOOL. Taker goes for the LAST RIDE, but Melina gets on the apron to distract. She screams a whole bunch, and Nitro gives Taker an enziguri. Nitro gives Taker a dropkick, but he gets clotheslined, and taken hard to the buckle. Taker gives him SNAKEEYES, and a big boot. Of course, the CHOKESLAM and TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER finish at 3:57.   Match Analysis: It was what the troops wanted to see, that being a squash. *1/2. ___________________   Now the national anthem with Lillian Garcia is shown...and then the soldiers talk about their experience in Iraq, prior to the mortar attack that took place near the makeshift arena they were going to build. Yeah, a mortar attack. Sheesh. ___________________   The next match on the show is Hardcore Holly vs. Bobby Lashley (ECW Champion) in a non-title bout. Holly's looking a bit too old to pull off the tough guy role they're probably still having him play.   Blow-by-blow: Lashley gives Holly a press slam, so Holly decides he wants to test Lashley's strength. They lock-up, and quickly, Holly kicks him in the gut. Lashley gives him a shoulderblock, and a snap suplex for 2. Lashley then gives Holly a delayed vertical suplex for 2, and Holly bails to the outside. Lashley tries to follow with a baseball slide, but misses, and Holly rams him into the steel steps. Back inside, Holly rams Lashley into the turnbuckle, and applies an armbar. Holly wraps Lashley's around the 2nd rope, presumably working on it, trying to make him submit. Lashley gives Holly a belly-to-belly suplex, and a shoulderblock. Lashley gives Holly a clothesline, and a discus punch to the back of the neck. He then gives Holly a torture rack backbreaker, and another snap suplex for 2. Holly chops Lashley, and Lashley misses a charge to the corner. Holly tries to give him the ALABAMA SLAM, but Lashley rolls through the hold, turning it into a sunset flip, which gets 2. Lashley gives him a "Bulldog" style powerslam, and that gets 3, at 6:27.   Match Analysis: I don't think Lashley's very good, but I can't say so for sure. His moveset is so thin that he repeated a move. Not only that, he reeks of blandness. 3/4*. ___________________   Interview with an Iraqi Army Captain...I was being talked to, so I didn't catch what he said...and then Chris Masters talks about the Masterlock Challenge later on. ___________________   The next match is a non-title bout, between UMAGA and Jeff Hardy (Intercontinental Champion). Umaga's cool, I guess.   Blow-by-blow: Umaga gives Hardy a back elbow, and then misses a clothesline. He also misses a crossbody, and Hardy goes for a sunset flip. Umaga tries to sit on Hardy, but Hardy gives him a seated dropkick. Umaga bails out, and Hardy gives him a baseball slide, and a pescado. Umaga catches him on the pescado though, and rams him into the ringpost and steel steps. Umaga gives him a headbutt, and a legdrop. He then gives Hardy a kick to the back, and quickly applies a nervehold, before giving Hardy a samoan drop. Umaga goes up top, but misses the big splash. Hardy gives him a few clotheslines and a dropkick, but it's not putting Umaga down. He gives Umaga a jawbreaker, and WHISPER IN THE WIND, which finally puts Umaga down, for the 2 count. I wanted to capitalize Umaga's name throughout the review, but it's too hard. I might do it in the future. Umaga goes for the SAMOAN SPIKE, but Hardy avoids it and eventually gets a TWIST OF FATE. Hardy goes for the SWANTON, but hits the knees of Umaga. Umaga gives him the running ass to face at the corner, and the SAMOAN SPIKE, which gets 3 at 5:51.   Match Analysis: The finish was anti-climatic, but the match was still fun. *3/4, and another match that could be better given time. ___________________   Carlito's talking to a female soldier, cause he's cool and all...prior to his match against Randy Orton (RAW Tag Team Champion).   Blow-by-blow: Orton doesn't look healthy when on the juice. That's just a first observation. Orton goes to the headlock, but Carlito reverses it, and comes back with a few left hands. Carlito gives Orton the 10 punch in the corner, and gives him an armdrag. Orton comes back with a dropkick, and then kicks him all over, prior to doing that pose of his. Have I ever mentioned how funny I find the pose? Orton gives Carlito a spinning side slam, and goes to the chinlock. See, before this match, I told my brother he'd do two of three moves. European uppercut, dropkick, and chinlock. I didn't pay attention to see if he did any European uppercuts, because once he did two of them, I quit looking for it. Carlito powers out and gives Orton a back suplex, and a few lefts. Carlito gives Orton a kneelift and clothesline, which gets a 2 count. Carlito gives him a springboard back elbow, which looks about as smooth as any springboard move I've seen. Orton quickly comes back with that Mike Sanders 3.0 backbreaker, and tries to give Carlito the RKO. He's unable to, and near the turnbuckle, Carlito tries the BACKSTABBER. He can't get that either, as Orton holds onto the ropes, preventing himself from being pulled down. Now Orton tries to pin Carlito with his feet on the ropes for 2, and once the referee catches him, Carlito springs up, and rolls Orton up, for 3, while holding Orton's tights and telling the crowd to hush and not ruin his win. Time of the fall was 5:07.   Match Analysis: Cute finish. Really, I loved it. *1/2. Kinda elaborate, but who cares. At least it didn't get screwed up. ___________________   Santa Claus comes to the ring, along with Maria, Crystal and Torrie Wilson. The troops oughta love that. They throw some panties in the crowd, and the troops fight over it. See? Chris Masters comes out, and he doesn't believe in Santa. He hates Christmas, too. Well, he's going to let Santa have a go at breaking the MASTERLOCK. Santa can't do it, so Masters throws him aside. Now, a troop named Jose Avila comes into the ring...yeah, he's tiny. Especially in comparison to Masters. Anyhow, Masters has him locked in, and JBL is SANTA CLAUS! He attacks Masters, and the soldier breaks the MASTERLOCK. Heh. I like how he jumped around and no-sold the move afterward. the MASTERLOCK'S BEEN BROKEN, BAH GAWD, says JR. And now, JBL gives Masters a CLOTHESLINE FROM BAGHDAD. See, I was going to write that once I saw the move, but the announce team stole the words from out of my mouth. ___________________   That's the end of the show, after pictures from Iraq. ___________________   Rating: Good. I thought the show was fun, and had decent matches. So yeah, good.   Best Segment: Cena vs. Edge   Worst Segment: Hardcore Holly vs. Bobby Lashley. Both suck.   Loudest Sound: Taker and Cena   No Sound: Nobody. Everyone was getting some sort of reaction. ___________________   NWA is next. I'm not reviewing the Christmas RAW, because it'll be up again when the MNW hits that point.
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Review: WWF Prime Time Wrestling, 12/21/92.

Problem with the shorties section, I'm not doing them. There's nothing obscure, and almost everything they're posting defeats the point of reviewing the entire shows that they're on when they get around to putting them up. Unless there's something like Flair/Perfect from the 3rd RAW, I'm not going to review it. That DOES mean I'll be adding Regal/Finlay to whatever else obscure gets put up. Sorry for that, what they're putting up is bugging the shit out of me, and I can barely even get around to watching it. ___________________   First match of 15, is Yokozuna w/Mr. Fuji vs. Kevin Kruger. As I've said, I don't do squashes on the NWA or PTW shows. It ends at 2:something with a Banzai Drop. Sorry for the lack of time, I was caught in la-la-land about something that happened yesterday, and forgot to time it. *. ___________________   Reverend Slick(!) follows this up with a promo. WOW. Haven't seen the Rev. Slick gimmick in a LONG time. Great stuff. ___________________   The 2nd match is Big Bossman vs. Barry Hardy. DOINK THE CLOWN comes to the aisleway, and ties something to the guardrails. Well, Bossman wins after a Bossman Slam at 2:something (again, sorry). He goes to the back after handcuffing Hardy to the bottom rope, and we see what was tied onto the guardrails. It's a TRIPWIRE. I really laughed. Bossman trips over it, and Doink laughs at him. *. ___________________   Bill Koby faces Kamala w/Kimchee and Harvey Wippleman next. The big splash gets the pin at 1:56. Kamala couldn't quite figure out how to pin Koby, so they rolled around on the mat for a good sized portion of the match. RETARDED. DUD. The announcers said that Kamala's been different since losing to the Undertaker at Survivor Series. ___________________   Next up, is Rick "the Model" Martel vs. Brian Costello. Martel has the pink thing goin' here, of course. So, he finishes the match at 3:23, with a Boston Crab. At least he let Costello get some offense in. *1/2. ___________________   Gene Okerlund's at the promo area, and he's talking with the WWF Champion, Bret Hart. Bobby Heenan comes out, and introduces us to two wrestlers. One's Ric Flair. The other is Razor Ramon. And they both attack Bret, until Mr. Perfect comes out, to fend both off. It turns into a wild brawl, which the officials come out to break up. Afterward, we see a promo spot with Flair and Razor. Razor's Cuban accent is overly ridiculous at this point, I'm glad they let him tone it down. ___________________   Jameson comes out to the roundtable with Heenan, Jerry Lawler, Sgt. Slaughter and Hillbilly Jim...we'll skip past that. ___________________   The Nasty Boys take on Chris Allen and Gus Kantarakis next, and of course, Doink comes toward the ring again. The Nasties are babyfaces. I don't quite get that. Anyway, Knobs powerslams Allen, and Sags comes off the top giving Allen an elbowdrop, getting the Nasties the pinfall at 2:19. *1/4. Doink gives both Knobs and Sags a gift, one of the gifts being replica tag team titles, and the other being a picture of Money Inc. and Jimmy Hart. Ok.   After the bout and postmatch, there's an ad for WM IX, from the family entertainment capital of the world, Las Vegas. Now, if you think Vegas is somewhere you should take your family, raise your hand...   I don't think I would either. ___________________   Damien Demento squashes Kerry Davis at 2:13, with a neckbreaker and a kneedrop. During the match, the screen split, and one half showed a promo from Demento. TERRIBLE. DUD. Honestly, that's one of the worst gimmicks, if not the worst that I've ever seen. ___________________   Bam Bam Bigelow defeats Mike Collins, in the next match, after a headbutt from the top rope, at 2:24. You rate squashes like this. If you like the spots used, you rate it well. You don't, it sucks. Simple. *1/2. ___________________   The Undertaker and Paul Bearer are now talking about Nailz. They will make him rest in peace, and all that jazz. Good thing this never went anywhere. ___________________   A YOUNG Louie Spicolli takes on El Matador next. Wow, that was a surprise, Spicolli, that is. Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes put Yokozuna over HUGE as a threat to win the Royal Rumble. Not too surprising. Santana finishes the match with the Flying Jalapeno, at 2:49. *1/2. I have to say, everyone's entrance music is great. ___________________   Gene Okerlund has the rundown of the Royal Rumble, in which he announces 6 of the participants, in the Royal Rumble, of course. They are Tatanka, Ted DiBiase, the Undertaker, Bob Backlund, Yokozuna, and the Berzerker. The signing of Rick and Scott Steiner gets announced when the roundtable is shown again, and the two new wrestlers hype their match against the Beverly Brothers at the Royal Rumble. I kinda got lost here, but Mrs. Claus is supposed to be coming up to the roundtable soon. ___________________   The first non-squash match is Papa Shango vs. Marty Jannetty. Yay, Papa Shango!   Marty gives Shango an armwringer, and Shango responds with a chokehold. He misses a charge to the corner, but gets a backdrop anyway. Shango then gives Marty THREE elbowdrops, and applies a neckvice. Shango then misses another charge, and Marty beats him up a bit, until Shawn Michaels makes an appearance. Marty gives Shango a backdrop, but as Marty's distracted by Shawn, Shango gives him an axhandle to the back. Marty gives him two dropkicks, which put Shango on the floor, and then, Marty goes up top, and gives Shango a missile dropkick. Yes, from the top to the floor. Marty begins to chase after Shawn, and gives Shawn a hurricanrana in the aisleway. Unfortunately, he also loses the bout by countout, at 4:43. *, and only for Marty's missile dropkick. ___________________   Razor Ramon faces __________ next. No, the name of the other wrestler was not given, and it'll be impossible to find it. Anyway, he finishes the guy with a Razor's Edge at 2:47. The squashes here are of the short variety, making them good. *1/2. Razor abuses jobbers. ___________________   Mrs. Claus shows up on set, and gives Bobby Heenan a Jameson mug, because Heenan's been naughty. Heenan tells her that he can show her where they keep her misteltoe, and as they go off set, standing under the misteltoe, she slaps Heenan. Heh. ___________________   The Bushwhackers then come out, and pass out gifts, dressed up as Santa Claus. How sweet. ___________________   Skinner's next, facing Bob Backlund. Have I ever mentioned how much I like Skinner?   Both men go on the mat and wrestle, until Bob Backlund gets the best. He takes down Skinner, so Skinner ducks under the top rope, to stall. Skinner gives Backlund a headlock, and Backlund responds with a droptoehold. Backlund wins the TEST OF STRENGTH, and takes Skinner to the canvas. Backlund gives Skinner an atomic drop, but Skinner rolls him up, only getting 1. Skinner slams Backlund, but Backlund rolls Skinner up for the win at 3:42. I really would like to see a match between these two, with more time, of course. *1/4. ___________________   Lavern McGill and Chris Hawn take on Money Inc. w/Jimmy Hart (WWF Tag Team Champions) in a non-title match, and the Million Dollar Dream finishes things up at 2:36. *1/4. The Nasties came on the split-screen during the bout, and said they want Jimmy Hart's head, along with the Tag Titles. ___________________   Crush faces Dark Destiny next. WHO? The HEAD CRUSH finishes the bout at 2:56. *. ___________________   Next up, is GILLBERG vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer. It's just Dwayne Gill, but who cares. It'll always be Gillberg to me. The TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER finishes at 1:53, and Taker puts Gill in a bodybag. *. ___________________   The Headshrinkers w/Afa take on Matthew Williams and David Morgan next. Doink comes out, and hits a child on the head with a rubber mallet. Kinda funny. Samu finishes the bout after a diving headbutt from the top, at 2:16. At least all the squashes have been short. *. ___________________   Lastly, Vince McMahon talks about the debut of MONDAY NIGHT RAW on January 11th. We'll be seeing that next month on WWE 24/7. Afterward, we go to a Bret Hart promo, talking to, well, who else but.......SANTA CLAUS. All Bret wants for Christmas is to be able to face the best in the World Wrestling Federation. ___________________   Show's over.   Rating: Poor. The non-squashes weren't too great, so the show wasn't either. I'm glad I got to see so many matches, though. That's a positive.   Best Segment: Razor and Flair attacking Bret, until Perfect made the save.   Worst Segment: Damien Demento. Simple as that. ___________________   Ok, I'll do Tribute to the Troops '06 next. I'm interested to see that one.
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Review: WWF Monday Night Raw, 4/28/97, from Omaha, Nebraska.

Now, to follow up... ___________________   Welcome everyone to Monday Night RAWWWW. Flashback to Steve Austin/Bret Hart from last week. As much as I liked the angle, I could've done without that. ___________________   Brian Pillman comes out to the ring, with a mic I might add, and begins to talk about religion. He wants everyone to pray for Bret Hart, and the people who liked what Austin did to Bret. He prays for the destruction of Austin, and that people everywhere will begin to listen to Bret again. Austin comes on the TitanTron, and says that Pillman had better pray. Pillman says he'll turn the other cheek, then turns around and bends over so that his ass is facing the TitanTron. Here comes Austin to the ring, and it was a trap. Owen and Bulldog try to attack Austin, but Austin runs through the ring and into the crowd. Davey and Owen stay in the ring, and pray along with Pillman. Both Davey and Owen pray for Bret, and Austin comes back in, with an axehandle that he broke the end of an ax off from. He chases the three guys away and into the crowd, and tells them they better give their souls to the Lord, cause their asses are his. That segment is open to interpretation. Some may like it, some may not. I thought it was just decent. ___________________   Pillman's praying in the back, before the match between Flash Funk and Rockabilly w/Honky Tonk Man.   Not bad on paper, but the gimmicks. Oh Lord, the gimmicks. Flash dances, until Rockabilly pushes him to the ground. Flash gives him a dropkick and a hiptoss, and then a springboard crossbody for 2. Flash gives him an armdrag, as we go splitscreen, with Bret sitting in an ambulance, waiting to make an appearance. Back to the action, where Flash dumps Rockabilly to the outside, and follows him out with a clothesline from the 2nd turnbuckle. Honky distracts Flash while Flash is on the apron, which leads to a Rockabilly clothesline. He suplexes Flash in, and gets a cover for 2. A FAMEASSER follows, and Rockabilly goes up to the top. Flash crotches him, but is given a swinging DDT, for 2. Didn't know Billy Gunn had that in him. Honky gets on the ring apron, and Rockabilly runs into him, which leads to Funk giving Rockabilly a hurricanrana, and the pinfall for Flash, at 4:21. I don't quite get why they'd have Rockabilly lose this match. **. After the match, Honky hits Flash in the head with his guitar. Poor guy. ___________________   Bret Hart comes out of the ambulance, and to the ring. He talks about Pillman's praying, and says that it can't help you all the time. More anti-American stuff, mainly talking about how bloodthirsty we are. He says that Austin and Shawn Michaels will be the next to get put in an ambulance. ___________________   Austin's in the back, looking for the First Aid room. After that, there's a FUNNY WWF commercial. Prelude to the attitude. ___________________   The next match is the Legion of Doom v. Doug Furnas and Phil LaFon.   Before the match, we go split screen and listen to Furnas talk about being a legitimate wrestler, and that it's the fans fault they haven't been able to win matches. That's cool. Animal and LaFon start, and Animal gives him an elbow to the head. LaFon comes back with a spinning leg lariat, but Animal gives him a flying shoulderblock and an elbowdrop. Furnas and Hawk tag in, and Hawk gives him a clothesline and neckbreaker. Hawk gives him a fistdrop, but Furnas quickly gives him a belly-to-belly suplex, and a legdrop. LaFon tags in, and they both give Hawk a shoulderblock, for 2. LaFon gives him a trapping suplex, and a cross armbreaker. He lets go quickly, and gives Hawk a snap suplex. Double colission follows, and so does the hot tag to Animal. Dropkicks for both and a powerslam for Furnas, until Hawk clotheslines both. They go for the DOOMSDAY DEVICE, but Furnas gives Animal a dropkick, knocking both he and LaFon out of the ring. Hawk goes through with the move though and gives Furnas a clothesline off the top rope, which gives LOD the pinfall at 3:47. *1/2. JR's in the ring with Furnas and LaFon, and they say what they said before the match. The fans suck. ___________________   On Shotgun Saturday Night, Sunny was under cover. Literally. Well, the Headbangers came out, and sat in the bed with her. So, she models an Austin shirt on RAW, as Michael Hayes is giving us the rundown on sizes and all that. Whenever Sunny's on my screen is a good thing, but this is lame. Still feel bad for Hayes....   And Ahmed Johnson's backstage. He's sick of the Nation, so he wrecks shit.   Now Pillman kisses Owen's Slammy's, before... ___________________   For the Intercontinental Championship, it's Owen Hart w/Bret Hart and the British Bulldog vs. Rocky Maivia. Owen's family hangs out near the TitanTron, and that'll be the case during the later match as well.   Owen says he's going to win it for Bret. How sweet. Owen attacks Rocky at the start, but Rocky quickly responds with a clothesline, dropkick and an armdrag. He gives Owen a powerslam for 2, and applies an armbar. Rocky gives him a backdrop, and goes back to the armbar, before giving Owen a shoulderblock. Strong start from Rocky. Owen tosses Rocky out of the ring, and gives him a baseball slide. Then Rocky comes back in, and Owen gives him a missile dropkick for 2. Owen goes to the chinlock, and gives him a droptoehold. He snaps Rocky's lower leg back twice, and begins to work on the left knee, with an indian deathlock. Rocky rolls him up for 2, but Owen goes back to the knee, with three leg whips. He goes for the SHARPSHOOTER, but Rocky won't allow it. Owen gives him a suplex, but Rocky comes back with that floatover DDT of his, which gets two. He gives Owen ROCK BOTTOM, but it only gets 2. Certainly wasn't his finisher then, if you didn't know. Rocky rams Owen into the buckle, but Owen comes out with a spinning leg lariat. Owen goes up top for a moonsault, but he gets crotched, and back suplexed off by Rocky, which gets 2. That spot always makes me cringe, with the way that the recipient lands on his head. Rocky tries a suplex, but Owen rolls through it and winds up behind Rocky, where he pins him with a rolling clutch hold for 3 at 8:26, and the INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE. As much as it boggles my mind to say this, that was his first singles title in the WWF. Yeah, really. **1/2. Rocky did the best he could. Owen celebrates by placing the Intercontinental Title in Bret's lap.   Backstage, Austin's in a wheelchair. What? ___________________   We're in the Warzone, and it's Austin, again. He's carrying that wheelchair through the crowd, and to the ring. He sits in the wheelchair when he gets in the ring, and asks the crowd if they want to see a wheelchair match between him and Bret. He says he'd whip Bret's ass for sure. Austin's gonna whip Taker's as at A Cold Day in Hell, or so he says. Bret pops up on the TitanTron, and promises that Austin will ride in an ambulance. ___________________   Vader's back, and there's some footage of him grabbing the interviewer in Kuwait, during Good Morning Kuwait. Let me say that I'm awfully surprised to see Taker out of character on that show, dressed like he usually did as BikerTaker. More so that it was shown on RAW. A stupid Ken Shamrock video follows that, unfortunately, featuring video from his in-ring interactions. Never liked Shamrock. He's annoying.   Obviously, the previous things shown mean that it's time. It's VADER TIME. He's facing Jesse Jammes. The singing gets worse every week. Vader smashes Jammes, then gives him a big splash off the 2nd rope. He picks Jammes up at two, and gives him the VADER BOMB, to finish the match at 1:35. Thank you. *1/4. JR goes into the ring to ask Vader a few questions, and Vader's first answer is that he went to Kuwait to do a job.     I'll take that literally. He starts to bully JR by taking his hat and glasses, so Ken Shamrock runs to the ring to save JR, by giving Vader a belly-to-belly suplex. Vader bails, and goes into his WHO'S DA MAN routine while walking backstage. Good build for their match at the PPV, which   ___________________   It's Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/Chyna vs. Goldust next. Before the match, Goldust says that ringside is no place for a woman, so Marlena's not allowed out there.   Slug it out, until Goldust gives Hunter two clotheslines. He whips Hunter to the corner, where he goes upside down. 10 punch time, and after #9, Goldie bites him. He gives Hunter a BUTT bump, and a slap to the face, before more 10 punch. But before he can get started, Hunter gives him an inverted atomic drop. Hunter follows that with a high knee, and he tosses Goldust out of the ring, where Chyna kicks him a whole bunch. Marlena comes down to the ring, and we have a...   commercial break.   We're back, and Hunter's giving Goldust a knee to the face. Chyna looks like a man, and Vince pretty much compares her to Ellen, calling her a lesbian. I'd say she's a transsexual. Goldust grabs his own nuts, and clotheslines Hunter. Well. Goldust gives him a bulldog, and Chyna moves towards Marlena. Marlena throws powder at Chyna, and Chyna starts choking Hunter, who came out of the ring to get Goldust. That leads to Hunter being counted out at 4:50 (commercial time not included, obviously). Cute little finish, but the match was no good. *. ___________________   The Undertaker comes on the TitanTron as Hunter and Chyna take the quick road backstage (taking a right in the aisleway and walking around the TitanTron), and says a bit about Austin. He's not too worried about him, and he can do worse to Austin than put him in a wheelchair.   After that, Sable models an Undertaker shirt. When I was a kid, well, you figure it out. Pillman prays for Bulldog to hurt the Undertaker, and we get another funny WWF commercial, where this time, the kid thinks he's Stone Cold Steve Austin. ___________________   The main event is the British Bulldog w/Bret and Owen Hart vs. The Undertaker, in a non-title bout. So, this match did happen more than once.   Unfortunately, we go to a   commercial as soon as the match starts, after a Taker choke toss.   We're back, and Bulldog has Taker up in a delayed vertical suplex, which gets 2. Bulldog misses a clothesline, and gets chokeslammed by Taker. That forces Owen to run-in, at 1:18 (commercial not included). No rating, the entire match happened during the commercial.   Austin comes through the crowd to save Taker(?), and after chasing Owen and Davey away, grabs the WWF Title and celebrates with it. Heh. Austin gives Taker a STUNNER, but while flippin' the bird at him, Taker sits up and gives Austin a chokeslam. Don't particularly care for the Taker/Austin booking. They were trying to pop a buyrate, but it's gonna make Austin seem like a bitch, in the end. Remember, I watched WCW in 1997, not much WWF. Austin sees Bret at the stage, and Bret can't get away. When he tries to, JIM FUCKING NEIDHART comes out, and attacks Austin. Bret hits Austin with a crutch, and that knocks Austin off the stage. That looked like a hard fall, with no added protection. We cut backstage as Austin's being stretchered out, and Pillman has this insane look on his face, to end the show. Loose Cannon, indeed. ___________________   Rating: Good. Three things, though.   1. Too much Austin. Just a bit too much. But having Neidhart come back offsets that.   2. No Mankind. Boo.   3. Title change is good. Very, very good.   Plus, any show that Jesse Jammes gets squashed on is fun. The show had a good crowd, for once.   Best Segment: I got the most enjoyment out of Pillman's look at the end, and Neidhart's return. So that.   Worst Segment: The Shamrock video. Ugh.   Loudest Sound: Austin, Taker, and the Hart Foundation. Figures.   No Sound: Furnas and LaFon, Rocky Maivia and Jesse Jammes. They pushed Rocky too hard, too fast. That's not the right way to analyze why the fans hated him, though. They hated him because he was vanilla. No personality, or natural charisma. Now how that changed, I couldn't say. When he went heel, it was like someone flipped a switch. ___________________   Shorties section is next. I've seen everything there is to offer, so far. I'd like for them to add something obscure today. It only took me 2 hours to type 5 pages. That's a new record.
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Review: Shorties Section from 12-1 to 12-4-07.

I bring GIFTS!!! I'll be posting these in increments of four. ___________________   We're saving the best for last, so it'll be Val Venis' gift, right now. I thought this would be the skit where his dick got chopped off, and next week he said it wasn't, but it's not. Instead, it's Shawn Michaels vs. Carlito from 11/28/05.   Blow-by-blow: Carlito spits in the face of people that aren't cool, obviously meaning Shawn, then knocks Shawn out to ringside. I like when Carlito spits on people. Carlito chokes HBK with his shirt, and rams him into the barrier at ringside. On the inside, Carlito does the move I saw on Wiki was called the Back Stabber, obviously to work on the back of Shawn. Carlito applies a headlock, and takes Shawn down to the canvas. He gives Shawn a shoulderblock when shot into the ropes, and goes for another, but Shawn gives him a hiptoss. Shawn tries to roll up Carlito, and gets thrown back, but misses a charge to the ropes, and SKINS THE CAT, to come back in. Carlito clotheslines Shawn over the top when he gets back in, and gives him a plancha out to the floor. Back in, Carlito gets 2. Carlito beats up Shawn, and now they each trade chops in the corner. Each guy delivers 5 to the other, and Carlito whips Shawn into the corner, where Shawn avoids a charge, and Carlito comes off the 2nd rope with a springboard crossbody for 2. Shawn gives Carlito the flying forearm, and kips up, but his knee buckled. OMG, IT'S A SHEWT!!! No, it really isn't, but anyway, Shawn's knee's in pain, so he rolls out to the floor. Great selljob, to the point where you actually COULD wonder if it was real. Of course it's not, as you see when Carlito gives Shawn a baseball slide. And we go to a   commercial break.   We come back, and Carlito has a half crab applied on HBK. Carlito chopblocks HBK and tries to apply another leglock, but HBK kicks him away a few times, keeping Carlito from applying anything. Carlito misses a charge to the corner when HBK gets up, so HBK tries to climb to the top. Very, very slowly. Carlito crotches him, and goes up for a back suplex. He gets knocked off, so Shawn turns around, and gives him the flying elbow off the top. He didn't exactly jump to do it, either. Shawn TUNES UP THE BAND, but his knee gives out when he tries to deliver SWEET CHIN MUSIC. A DDT by Carlito gets 2, and Shawn tries for SWEET CHIN MUSIC out of nowhere, but he can't get it, crumpling to the canvas. Then Carlito tries this reverse DDT looking thing, and gets pushed into the referee, after which HBK gives Carlito SWEET CHIN MUSIC, for the win, at 13:44, 10:10 of which was shown, due to commercials.   Match Analysis: See, things like that are why main event wrestlers should have TWO finishers. It didn't make any sense for Shawn to finish the match with a superkick, after the legwork. It was still good though, and I'll rate it **3/4. In some of these young guy vs. old guy matches, I'll say who I thought should have gone over. Shawn definitely should have went over. FWIW, since I found it funny, when I quit watching the WWE altogether after Royal Rumble 2004, Orton was on RAW. I looked at the results for Survivor Series 05 the other day, and he was on Smackdown. Now he's back on RAW. Well then. I don't particularly care for that much switching from brand to brand. Yes, I know that had nothing to do with the last match. ___________________   Chuck Palumbo's gift is from WM 17, the Undertaker vs. Triple H. I'm glad he chose this, but not really. I'm not even going to watch the match again, so it's a copy and paste job. Remember, this all started because HHH said he's beaten everyone, Taker came out and said no, then HHH destroyed his bike. Yada, yada, yada.   Blow-by-blow: This time, the dubbed music is the Ministry of Darkness music. I like. That's as far as I got before turning it off. They brawl on the outside, which is when I start the timer, when the action starts. Taker gets the best of it, and punches HHH who flies through the makeshift Spanish Announce Table. Just a regular table, in Dudley Boyz fashion. HHH with a high knee in the ring, and Taker no-sells it. He backdrops HHH, and clotheslines him. An Undertaker powerslam gets two, but he misses his elbow drop. Taker does a flying clothesline and goes up for OLD SCHOOL, but HHH armdrags him off the top. HHH with a neckbreaker that gets two, and two elbows to the head of Taker. HHH gets another neckbreaker, this time of the swinging variety, for a 2 count. HHH goes outside and grabs the SLEDGEHAMMER, as he gets this sick and twisted look on his face. That's good acting. The referee steals the SLEDGEHAMMER, and Taker slingshots HHH into the referee after a Pedigree attempt is reversed. Taker chokeslams HHH for a 2 count, and because it was ONLY a two count, Taker stomps on the ref and gives him an elbowdrop. He tosses HHH over the top rope and over to the floor, and HHH rams Taker's head into the steps. Taker backdrops HHH into the crowd, and they brawl up to the technical, usually off camera area. HHH hits Taker in the back and the head with a chair, and then wallops him all over the body with it. Taker chokeslams HHH "down to the floor," and I'll be honest, when I saw WM 17 on PPV, I thought HHH was dead. But, as we see on the replay, it was a well-cushioned fall. Taker jumps off the stage thing and elbowdrops HHH, and EMT's have brought out a stretcher to wheel HHH back with. Taker shoves them sumbitches out of the way, and the two men make their way back to the ring. Taker has the SLEDGEHAMMER now, and HHH gives him a nut-shot. HHH has the SLEDGEHAMMER, but Taker with a big boot. HHH goes for the TOMBSTONE but Taker reverses, and there's no referee to make the count. Taker "revives" the official, and picks HHH up for the LAST RIDE. HHH hits him with the SLEDGEHAMMER in mid-flight, and the cover gets 2. Taker's busted wide open, and HHH goes up for the 10 punch in the corner. Unfortunately for him, Taker gets the LAST RIDE (which I think looks visually better than almost all other powerbomb variations) for the 3 count at 18:58.   Match Analysis: Fun, and the overly gimmicked chokeslam at the technical area really didn't bother me. A good, dramatic match which made me think HHH would be the one to beat Taker at Mania the first time I watched it. Cool finish too. ***1/2. Remember, I changed the rating cause of what I thought of the Brock/Taker match at No Mercy '02. ___________________   Gene Okerlund's gift to us, is Hulk Hogan vs. Nick Bockwinkel w/Bobby Heenan for the AWA Championship, and that took place on AWA Super Sunday, in 1983. The date in the description is NOT RIGHT.   Blow-by-blow: Bockwinkel stalls outside of the ring, then comes back in, but bails again. He's scared of the HULKSTER, BROTHER. Hogan gives him a shoulderblock, and pushes Bockwinkel into the turnbuckle. Hogan gives him 2 more shoulderblocks, and Bockwinkel bails to the outside, to meet with Bobby Heenan. Bockwinkel comes back in with a few knees to Hogan's gut, and he tries a backdrop, but Hogan kicks him in the gut, and delivers a few knees of his own to Bockwinkel. Hogan gives Bock a doublestomp, and a backbreaker for 2, as Bockwinkel's feet are on the bottom rope. Hogan charges into the corner and runs over Bock, but Bock comes back with a few punches, which only get 1. Bockwinkel applies a front facelock type choke, and keeps reapplying it whenever the referee makes him break the hold. Bockwinkel covers Hogan for 2 and tries a piledriver, but Hogan gives him a backdrop to get away from the hold. Bockwinkel misses a charge, so Hogan punches away at him, and Hogan's cover gets 2. Hogan gives him a clothesline and elbowdrop for 2, then a shoulderbreaker for 2. Hogan gives Bockwinkel a kneelift and a powerslam for 2, but he's unable to DROP THE FUCKING LEG, DUDE. Bockwinkel gives him repeated shouldercharges in the corner and tries a scoop slam, but can't get it, so Hogan falls on top and gets 2. Hogan gives Bockwinkel another elbowdrop for 2, on a kickout that was screwed up by Bockwinkel. The ref just stopped counting, and Bockwinkel didn't kick out until a bit afterward. Hogan misses a charge to the corner, and Bockwinkel applies a sleeper. Hogan pulls him over his head and to the canvas, knocking Bockwinkel into the referee. Bockwinkel reapplies the sleeper, and Hogan rams him into the turnbuckle, where the ref is trying to recouperate. Ok, that's overkill. The crowd's shitting all over it, making matters worse. Now Hogan tosses Bockwinkel over the top rope. That's three different ways for a Dusty Finish in one match. Find another with that many. Hogan suplexes Bockwinkel in from the apron, and DROPS THE FUCKIN' LEG, for the 3 count and pinfall at 18:11. I love how "Real American" was edited in. It sounds like that was actually the music being played. Anyhow, Gene Okerlund's in the ring, to announce that AWA President Stanley Blackburn has reversed the decision, because Hogan threw Bockwinkel over the top rope. The crowd shits all over it, as they should.   Match Analysis: The finish ruined a good match. Plain and simple. However, this was a classic match. Everything was going good, until the finish. And honestly, the AWA deserved to die a painful death after doing something like that. The crowd was primed for a title change. **1/2. Down from ****, which is where it would have been without that AWFUL finish. ___________________   Ok, when I said I'm saving the best for last, I meant that literally. As in, I'll be posting it at the end of the month! Hahaha, fooled you all. I'll post Steamboat/Flair from the Clash on New Year's Eve. There are multiple reasons for that, but namely because I want to end the year on a good note. I'll be posting more of these on the 8th.
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Review: WWE Unforgiven 2007, from Memphis, Tennessee, 9/16/2007.

Another let's get this out of the way show. I have no idea what to expect. The video to open the show is very cool, and very professional looking. Even better than the ones they used to have during the Attitude Era. ___________________   The first match, is Elijah Burke vs. CM Punk, for Punk's ECW Championship. Yeah, I'm one of those people that doesn't like the use of the ECW name. At all. I don't even know who this Elijah Burke guy is...and I'll be saying that a lot during the show.   Blow-by-blow: Punk pushes Burke, and they both go onto the mat, obviously for some mat wrestling. Burke with the go-behind, but Punk bridges out, and gives Burke a droptoehold. Punk applies a short arm scissor, but Burke gets into the ropes. Buke with an elbow to Punk, but he misses a charge, and gets kicked. Punk hits Burke in the gut, and gives him a russian leg sweep for 2. Punk chops him and kicks him, before giving him a snapmare and kicking him in the back. Punk gives Burke a backbreaker for 2, and on an Irish whip to the corner, Burke blows the reversal, tripping over Punk's feet. Didn't fall down, though. Burke rams Punk's head into the mat, which gets a 2 count. He gives Punk some of his own medicine, with a kick to Punk's back. Burke gives Punk a surfboard, until Punk kicks him. Punk gives Burke a bulldog, and slingshots from the apron back into the ring with a clothesline, for 2. Burke then pulls Punk out to the floor, and rams Punk into the apron. On the inside, a cover gets 2, and Burke goes for a Boston crab, which he gets. Punk's facial expressions are VERY good. Punk reaches the ropes, so Burke decides he needs to give him 2 german suplexes, consecutively. Burke gives Punk an STO, which gets a 2 count. Burke applies this leglock thing, I don't know what it's called. It looks cool, though. Punk rolls through the hold, but gets kicked twice. For some reason Burke grabs Punk's leg, and Punk gives him an enziguri. That made no fuckin' sense, on Burke's part. Burke gives Punk an uppercut for 2, but stalls around, and gets rolled up by Punk for 3 at 11:52.   Match Analysis: It's known I don't like that finish, but it didn't bother me this time. It was solid, and I don't know if this Burke guy is supposed to be a good worker, because it really seemed like Punk was leading him along. It's **, and a good opener. ___________________   Oh noes, partners who don't like each other. It's the WWE Tag Team Champions, Matt Hardy and MVP vs. Deuce and Domino w/Cherry. Cherry = yum, from what I see.   Blow-by-blow: I like MVP's entrance, and I got kinda sad when I found out the "internet" part of Hardy's entrance was gone. Boo. Deuce and Domino have no heat...at all. Their whole thing is so corny, I kinda like it. MVP and Hardy argue, and I guess Hardy decides he's going to start the match, but MVP slaps Hardy on the back, tagging in. Domino and MVP begin the match, as MVP gives Domino an armdrag, and a bodyslam, before tagging in. Hardy gives Deuce an armdrag and a bodyslam, then a swinging neckbreaker. So Hardy's better, he did more. I'm enjoying the interaction between the two champions. MVP tags in and gives Deuce a chop and bulldog, and goes to the 2nd rope, for that Matt Hardy elbowdrop. Hardy's pissed though, and keeps him from doing it. He doesn't care for the imitation. Hardy and Domino tag in, and Domino misses a charge to the buckle. Hardy slams him, then does an awful impression of the BALLIN! elbow, and lastly gives him the REAL VERSION(1UUUUUUH) of that move, for 2. Deuce pulls Hardy's hair, then tags in. Knee to the face for 1, and he gives Hardy a cobra clutch. Hey. Deuce misses a charge to the corner, and gets rolled up by Hardy for 2. Domino comes in and slams Hardy, then gets a legdrop for 2. He rams Hardy into the buckle, then tags in Deuce again. Deuce applies an armbar, and Cherry grabs Hardy's leg during his comeback, keeping him from making the tag. Hardy still gives Deuce the SIDE EFFECT, but Deuce quickly tags in Domino, who keeps Hardy from tagging MVP, by hitting MVP. MVP's pissed off about getting hit, and goes back to the entranceway. Deuce and Domino do this cool double team that would look like the Powerplex if done at the same time, and it gets 2. MVP runs back to the apron, as Deuce applies a front facelock on Hardy. Hardy bulldogs Deuce while clotheslining Domino, and it's hot tag MVP. MVP clotheslines Deuce, then gives him an elbow, backdrop, and two difference facebuster variations. Hardy tags in when MVP does the BALLIN! elbow, and uses MVP as a battering ram, pushing him into Domino. Hardy then gives Deuce the TWIST OF FATE, which finishes the bout after the pinfall, at 9:19.   Match Analysis: I swayed back and forth on what I was going to rate it, and I decided on **. I really, really enjoyed the interaction between MVP and Matt Hardy. Usually I think the "feuding partners" angle sucks, but this time at least, it felt right. ___________________   Rey's on WWE Mobile (what's this?) and has something to say about how he was beaten up by Khali. Yeah, he's an underdog and all that. ___________________   The next match is No Disqualification, but for Carlito only. What the fuck? He's facing Triple H.   Blow-by-blow: HHH starts the match off with a few punches, and a back elbow. Carlito bails, but comes back in quickly, and gets backdropped. Carlito goes out to grab a trash can, but HHH pulls him in before he can grab it. HHH clotheslines Carlito out, and Carlito goes to grab a chair. He swings it, but hits the ringpost on accident. HHH drives Carlito into the barrier, and then into the ring apron. HHH gives Carlito an elbowdrop to the back, and a backbreaker, before applying an abdominal stretch. HHH cheats by using the rope, and then pulls Carlito's hair. HHH gets caught and forced to break the hold, so Carlito runs out and tries to unhook a television monitor. HHH stops him, and tosses him onto, but not through, the ECW announce table. Carlito hits HHH with the ring bell, twice, but no blood. Surprising. Carlito chokes HHH with the cord, and then grabs his apple. He spits in the face of people that aren't cool, but apparently, HHH is cool. Cause he was unable to spit in his face. Carlito then hits HHH with a trash can 5 times, then grabs another can and back suplexes HHH onto it, then gets ANOTHER CAN and puts it in the corner, where nothing happens. HHH clotheslines Carlito, and gives him a high knee, then the knee-to-face facebuster, for 2. Carlito grabs some powder, and throws it at HHH. Don't know what to say about that. Carlito grabs a chair, but can't hit HHH with it, as HHH gives him a spinebuster. HHH grabs the chair, but lowblows Carlito instead. And now it's the PEDIGREE, which gives HHH the pinfall at 10:41. HHH takes FOREVER to get out of the ring, which bothers me. It bothers me when anyone does it during the middle of the card.   Match Analysis: I didn't care for it. It was basically a glorified squash, and not much more. *1/4. To be fair, I don't think Carlito's very good (from what I've seen), and I don't think the match could have been any better. ___________________   Maria's with Batista...not a fan of Batista's promos, especially in this case, as he gives me a creepy feeling that he's undressing Maria with his eyes...yeah, I'd really rather not know about that. ___________________   Anyway, the next match is Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle for the Women's Title. The champion is always billed last, unless it's a special case.   Blow-by-blow: Candice Michelle's music is AWFUL. It makes me want to throw my remote at the TV, or fast forward past it. Candice grabs onto a headlock, but Phoenix just throws her away. She does that alot. He gives Candice a knucklelock, and picks her up, then drops her to the canvas. Candice avoids a charge, and springboards back into the ring with an armdrag on Phoenix. Phoenix gives Candice a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, and whips her hard into the buckle. Sometimes it's hard to watch women's wrestling, especially in the WWE, because they don't give you that feeling that the moves have a rough impact on their opponent. Phoenix whips her into the buckle, and it's like Candice just smooths her way into being hit. Phoenix rams Candice's head into the mat, which gets 2. We go to the chinlock, and instead, Phoenix applies a surfboard. She gives Candice a back elbow afterward, and an argentine backbreaker. Candice counters it with a neckbreaker, and then a dropkick, but Phoenix rams her into the buckle. Then, Phoenix gives her a press slam. Guess that looked cool. Candice rolls Phoenix up out of nowhere, and gets 3, at 7:05.   Match Analysis: There was nothing that could have made the match worse, so just a DUD. The finish didn't even bother me, I disliked the match that bad. It was a matter of personal preference, not bad wrestling, to a point. Everything was well executed. It just didn't flow, for some reason. ___________________   The Great Khali and his manager, Ranjin Singh, have an interview, and whenever Khali talks, the fans go WHAT? Nice to know that didn't go away. Khali crushes a canteloupe, to signify what he's going to do to Rey Mysterio's head. Note the mask on the canteloupe. And then he crushes a watermelon, to signify what he'll do to Batista. Great promo. I'm being dead serious, that was awesome. ___________________   A video comes first, but it's Batista vs. Rey Mysterio vs. The Great Khali in a triple threat match, for the World Heavyweight Championship. I'll have something to say about this afterward, but it'll wait.   Blow-by-blow: Batista's entrance is fuckin' DUMB. Both his and Rey's take forever too. Bothersome. Batista and Rey beat up Khali, until Khali throws Rey out of the ring. Sorry, I can't take Rey vs. Khali seriously. That wasn't what I was going to say, though. Khali clotheslines Batista, and rams him into the buckle. He kicks Batista, but misses a charge to the corner. Batista gives him a few shouldercharges, and rams Rey into Khali. Hey, you gotta try somethin'. Rey rolls up Batista for 2. Hey, you gotta try somethin'. Rey gives Batista a flying headscissors, and a bulldog for a 2 count. He goes onto the apron and springboards in with a senton, and I've gotta ask. Is he able to do the West Coast Pop anymore? I'd really like an answer, so please, tell me. Khali gives Rey a gigantic boot to the face, and tries to give Batista the HEAD CRUSH. That finisher is so damn funny. I know it's not called the HEAD CRUSH, but I like it that way. Khali clotheslines him, and then he's able to give him the HEAD CRUSH. Rey grabs a chair and hits Khali with it, well, it doesn't do a thing. Khali goes to the outside, and tosses Batista onto a table. Khali is unable to catch up to Rey, but when he does, he chokes him, and clotheslines him. Khali applies a nerve hold, and gives Rey a big boot when he tries to break it. Khali applies the HEAD CRUSH on Rey, but Batista comes flying back in with a shoulderblock. Khali gets tied in the ropes, so Rey and Batista have to fight. Batista tries to powerbomb Rey, but gets given a rana by Rey. 619 time for Batista, and one for Khali too. Rey with a seated senton onto Khali, but Batista catches Rey afterward, and powerbombs him onto Khali. Batista gives Khali a spinebuster, and pins him, to win the World Title, at 8:00.   Match Analysis: I liked this match better than the triple threat I watched yesterday. But that doesn't MAKE the match THAT much better, although it was better. The finishing sequence is what made the match better, no doubt. And it was kept short, and simple. Thankfully. *1/2, and I don't mean that in a bad way, at all.   Now, what I had to say about this was, this is what I hate about the brand split. A PPV, with only 2 non-title matches. Something is not right about that, and it kinda cheapens some of the titles in the first place. Especially when a bunch change. I'm of the opinion that there should be 1 World Title. 1 Tag Team Title. 2 Midcard Titles, being the IC and US Title. Cruiserweight Champion, and Women's Champion. I think that's all there should be. Have the champion go on both shows again. It's more fun that way, and I may even start watching on a weekly basis again. But RIGHT NOW, the sheer amount of titles there are is overkill. Too much to keep track of. The brand split is fine, when you don't have this many titles. ___________________   Now, a flashback to the Hornswoggle stuff. I didn't want to see it then, and I didn't want to see it now. But, the stupidity of the whole thing had me laughing. HARD. HHH and Batista are backstage, and HHH congratulates him, yeah that whole thing. ___________________   Paul London and Brian Kendrick are facing Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch for the World Tag Team Championships, and I have to say, I don't know what to think of London and Kendrick's getup. Meaning the colors, purple and green. It looks like something Kriss Kross would wear. Wow.   Blow-by-blow: Cade and Kendrick start, and Cade gives him a hiptoss. Kendrick gives Cade a dropkick, and Cade returns with a shoulderblock. Murdoch comes in, and gets rolled up for 2. London tags in after a Kendrick armdrag, and he comes in with an elbow off the top. Kendrick comes in, and does the same, before tagging London in again. London kicks Murdoch's left arm, where they were giving the elbows to. Murdoch misses a charge, and the obviousness of the spot call bothered me a little. He looked at Kendrick and practically told him, come here. Kendrick comes in with a sunset flip for 2, but Murdoch gives him a clothesline. Cade tags in, and is given a flying headscissors by Kendrick. Both London and Kendrick clothesline Cade over the top, and dropkick Murdoch out, and then London and Kendrick suicide dive onto both. Cool. Kendrick goes up top, but misses a crossbody, once they all come back in. Murdoch tosses Kendrick out, and brings him back in the hard way. Cade gets a shoulderblock for 2, and slams Murdoch onto Kendrick, with Murdoch giving Kendrick a legdrop. Cade keeps Kendrick away from tagging London, and puts Kendrick up top, where he powerslams him from the 2nd rope for 2. Murdoch tags in and gets an elbowdrop for 2, then applies a neck vice. Kendrick gets some momentum, and gives him a leg lariat. Cade tags in, and misses a charge to the buckle, but keeps Kendrick from making the tag. Murdoch misses a move from up top, and London finally tags in. He flips into the ring, and has dropkicks for both his opponents. He gives Cade an inverted atomic drop, and a hurricanrana. The crowd has been quiet all match, and I don't know why. London gives a DOUBLE STOMP to a STANDING Murdoch, but misses a charge to the corner. Cade goes up top, but misses a flying elbowdrop. London gets a dropkick for 2, and Kendrick tags in, then comes off the top with a crossbody for 2. Cade and Murdoch do a cool double team, where Cade gives an opponent an inverted atomic drop, and Murdoch gives the same opponent a big boot, but it only gets 2. Murdoch mises a charge to the buckle, but Cade gives Kendrick a sitout-uranage powerbomb, and Cade tosses London out of the ring so he can't make the save during Murdoch's pin, giving Cade and Murdoch the victory and pinfall at 11:49.   Match Analysis: I liked it. But the crowd didn't. They shit all over it. Still, fuck them. They don't matter, when they're as dumb as this. **1/4. ___________________   A Condemned promo and video package for the match takes place, prior to Randy Orton vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship. I thought their match at Summerslam was good, so this should be...right?   Blow-by-blow: Cena's dad is sitting at ringside, remember, Orton kicked him in the face. Anyhow, the crowd is a typical WWE crowd, half heeling on Cena, half not. It looks really bad when they do that. They both slug it out at the opening bell, and Cena gets the best of it, after a clothesline. The crowd is hot, which is no surprise. It was like this last time. Orton bails after being rammed into the turnbuckle and clotheslined. Back in, and Cena tries for the STFU. Can't get it, though, as Orton bails, and gives Cena a European uppercut, on the floor. Orton DDT's Cena from the 2nd rope, back into the ring, but it only get 2. Orton and Cena fight some more, but Cena misses a charge to the buckle, and Orton applies a sleeper. Not this bullshit again. And it goes to a chinlock. So fucking typical. Dueling chants suck, too. I had to say that. Cena breaks the hold and clotheslines Orton, then beats him up in the corner, and pushes the referee twice which leads to a disqualification at 7:21. Fuck that finish. Orton pulls Cena's dad over the barrier, and Cena applies the STFU to Orton, when Orton had attempted to kick Cena's dad again. Cena's dad returns the favor from RAW, and runs backstage. Funny moment: Shot cuts to the crowd, and there's this guy rapping out Cena's music. That's funny shit. Reminds me of something I would have done, back in the day.   Match Analysis: A chinlock in a 7 minute match. The shitty finish. The fake looking brawling. Save that bullshit for RAW. Goodness, I'd feel so RIPPED off had I paid the PPV price for that. Such bullshit. The finish is enough to knock the match down to DUD territory. Terrible. And if you're doing a 7 minute match, for the LOVE OF GOD, don't go to a chinlock. Keep it high intensity, for fuck's sake. ___________________   Jonathan Coachman is with Cena's dad, and he basically tells the guy to stay out of Orton and Cena's business. Then Cena comes in and says, you mess with him, you mess with me. He pushes Coach to the ground, and walks away. ___________________   The main event to end all main events, Mark Henry vs. The Undertaker. Seriously, what the fuck.   Blow-by-blow: The entrance wall falls down, and The Undertaker comes out of it. And now what's left of said wall lights on fire. Haha. The crowd's all standing up, but nobody's making any noise. Once Taker gets in the ring, both men slug it out (harharhar, slugs) and Taker gets the best of it. He gives Henry a headbutt and avalanche, but when he tries another avalanche, Henry picks him up and rams him into the turnbuckle. Didn't matter though, Taker came back with a big boot and headbutt to put Henry down. OLD SCHOOL TIME, but Henry crotches him, then takes about 2 minutes to get up there and give Taker a superplex. Henry gives Taker a clothesline and big boot, but it doesn't do a thing. Taker knocks Henry to the floor, and rams him into one of the announce tables. Henry rams Taker into the apron, and I swear to God, the crowd hasn't made a single sound all match. Henry gives Taker a clothesline for 2, and a big splash for 2. Haha, Taker's on the ground like a sack of potatoes. No movement, no facial expressions, nothing. Another big splash gets 2, but a 3rd misses. Henry gives Taker an STO and a bodyslam, then ANOTHER big splash. He wasts time, and Taker sits up. Thankfully, this is going to be over soon. Taker with two avalanches and OLD SCHOOL, then a CHOKESLAM, which gets 2. Taker goes for the LAST RIDE, but can't get it, so he kicks Henry instead. Henry applies a bearhug and takes Taker over to the corner for the 10 punch, but Taker LAST RIDE's him out of the corner for 3 at 11:26. And the show is over.   Match Analysis: Awful, in very way. I'm convinced that Mark Henry can't be carried to more than a **. Taker did his part to make the match shitty, though. Anyway, there was no crowd heat, and it was an awful decision to put this on last. For that awful decision, combined with the awful match, that's a negative. -*. Really could have done without seeing that. ___________________   Rating: Poor. Better than Armageddon 2003, but not by much. But there were enough average matches to give it a poor rating, and the negative rating keeps it from going to being average.   Best Segment: I enjoyed London/Kendrick vs. Cade/Murdoch the most. I love tag team matches. MVP and Matt Hardy were right after that, on the enjoyment ladder.   Worst Segment: Obviously Undertaker vs. Mark Henry. I don't think the crowd bought into Henry as a threat, thus the lack of crowd reaction.   Loudest Sound: HHH, John Cena (both negatively and positively), Batista, Matt Hardy, and The Great Khali. People really didn't like that ugly bastard.   No Sound: London and Kendrick (but fuck those fans), Deuce and Domino, both women in their match, and Mark Henry. No surprises.   But about the World Heavyweight Title change in the middle of the card, that's exactly why these shows suck. You have a World Title match in the middle, you change the title, get a pop...and then nothing for almost the entirety of the night afterward. Not good. ___________________   Well, that's done. I'll probably watch PTW today, but if I don't, it may be that Jesse Ventura stuff.
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Review: WWE Armageddon 2003 (RAW), from Orlando, Florida, 12/14/2003.

Since my soccer team, Liverpool FC won yesterday, I was in a good mood. Had they not won, this review wouldn't be up. This is a RAW only show. ___________________   National anthem begins the show, as this event occured on the day that Saddam Hussein was captured...and then, a video package. No surprise, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are on commentary.   The first match of the night is Mark Henry w/THEODORE Long vs. Booker T. I guess it's hatin' if you call Long, Teddy. I said I quit watching late in 2003, but I remember a few things. Not like when I'll review Unforgiven 2007, and know nothing. Anyway, Henry beat Booker up for a few weeks prior to the show.   Blow-by-blow: Booker starts the match by clobbering Henry in the corner, but Henry comes back with a clothesline to end that. Henry chokes Booker, then clotheslines him over the top rope. Henry throws Booker into the steel steps, and they get back in the ring. Booker makes sure Henry doesn't stay back in, though, and dives onto him with a plancha. Yo. Booker rams Henry into the barrier and then throws him into the ring, where Booker comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick, which gets a 2 count. Long distracts Booker, and Henry runs into the poor guy, then gives him a backbreaker afterward for a 2 count. Henry applies a bow and arrow lock, before Booker breaks the hold. Henry places Booker's neck on the 2nd rope, and then runs and jumps on it. Goodness, it looked like he could have broken Booker's fuckin' neck. Henry flew through the ropes, landing on his feet. Henry gets a 2 count on the cover, and goes to the chinlock. Booker powers out of that, but gets bearhugged soon after. IMO, this match was going well until the chinlock. I was liking it, anyway. Henry clotheslines Booker, and Booker does a 360 sell. He's doing everything to make this match good, and I applaud him for it. Booker, that is. I haven't seen him do some of this stuff in a long time. Henry misses a legdrop and charge toward Booker, so Booker gives him an axe kick, Ahmed Johnson style. He gives Henry a savate kick, and a flying forearm. The scissor kick gets 2, but Henry stops Booker's rally with a spinebuster for 2. Henry gives Booker an avalanche in the corner, then a clothesline and legdrop for a 2 count. Henry gives Booker an UGLY looking powerbomb for 2, and misses a charge to the corner, where Booker gives him a scissor kick for 3 at 9:19.   Match Analysis: See, I was liking it, until the middle. Not only that, but the finish kinda came a little too fast, and wasn't built to at all. Kinda jumbled, and one of the things that bothers me about current wrestling. You can't rush into a finish, you have to build to it. If all that stuff Henry did after the first scissor kick had been done BEFORE the first scissor kick, and Booker had came back with his typical spots, like the forearm and savate kick, then finished with the scissor kick, the match would have been better. As it was, it felt like it was lacking something, namely an ending. Just my .02. *1/4. ___________________   Eric Bischoff is with Chris Jericho and Christian before their match later tonight against Trish Stratus and Lita, and for some reason Jericho has feelings, although not verbal, that he doesn't want to participate in the match. My initial reaction to learning about that match when I began watching this show...nothing good can come of it. ___________________   It's Mick Foley! I guess he's the co-GM of RAW. Didn't know that. The petition to bring back Stone Cold Steve Austin has 1 million signatures. Now, Austin being forced to "leave" is something I DID know about. Anyhow, Foley brings Stacy Keibler out, she's wearing a cheerleader outfit and does cartwheels around the ring. Foley tries to do a cartwheel, but he can't. I found it a little weird that the two old men on commentary continually made ass jokes, but that's both the WWE and old men for you. Randy Orton and Ric Flair come to the ring, and Orton says that the party is over. Since the party's over, Foley pulls off his suit, to reveal THE REFEREE SHIRT. Hell yeah. Well, it's time for a match.   It's Randy Orton w/Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam, for RVD's Intercontinental Championship. Mick Foley's the special guest referee, if you couldn't already tell.   Blow-by-blow: RVD gives Orton a legsweep, so Orton bails out of the ring. He comes back in, and gives RVD a headlock, which RVD reverses into a hammerlock. RVD gives him a snap mare and a headscissor, on the mat, and after a few reversals, the two men square off in the middle of the ring. Crowd cheers, and RVD gives Orton a spinning heel kick. Orton misses a charge to the corner, and RVD springboards up to the top and gives him a crossbody, which gets 2. Orton gives RVD a European uppercut, and RVD comes back with a karate kick. Orton bails, and RVD follows him to the floor with a tope con hilo. Orton comes back in, and RVD follows with a slingshot legdrop, for a 2 count. Orton misses a charge, and RVD springboards to the top rope, but gets pushed to the floor. I like what I'm seeing. So far. Unfortunately, that became a trend for the rest of the night. Orton dropkicks RVD on the floor, and gets a cover for 2 on the inside. Orton chokes RVD on the 2nd rope, and RVD's sell of the move is so damn ridiculous that I'm not sure how to describe it. Hey, it's better than nothing. In my notes, I called his sell "RETARDED." Orton rams RVD to the buckle, but RVD comes back with a crossbody for 2. Orton goes to the chinlock, and when RVD breaks the hold, Orton misses a charge to the corner, but comes back with a clothesline. A chinlock fits, in this case, as Orton's offense has been head oriented. Orton dropkicks RVD, who's in a seated position, and then reapplies the chinlock. RVD breaks the hold, then gets a roll-up for 2, and a front bodyslam, prior to the split legged moonsault, which gets 2. Orton gives RVD a neckbreaker from a powerbomb position, which gets 2. Sorry, I ain't down with all the newfangled names for those moves. Orton goes back to the chinlock, and this time it goes for a while. A while long enough to take the crowd out of the match, unfortunately. In my opinion. RVD gets up and both men slug it out, and RVD gets a spinning heel kick. RVD does the 10 punch in the corner, and then a monkey flip after a whip to the other side. RVD gives him 3 shouldercharges in the corner, but flips and misses on the fourth. He gives him a springobard kick and a clothesline, and then a northern lights suplex for 2. Orton bails, and RVD suplexes him on the barrier at ringside. He gives him the spinning legdrop off the apron, and on the way back in, Orton finds a way to give him a DDT. It gets a long 2 count, and only 2, as RVD's hand finds the bottom rope. Orton pins him in the center for 2, then misses a kneedrop. RVD gives him a spinning heel kick type cradle for 2, and when both men get up, RVD gives Orton a spinning heel kick and dropkick, before Rolling Thunder. Ric Flair gets a little too close to RVD, so RVD just kicks him out of the way. Orton gets a rollup for 2, and a kick. RVD goes up top, and Flair tries to knock RVD off the top, but Foley decks Flair, knocking him off the ring apron. Good way for a first interaction. Orton crotches RVD on the top with a dropkick, then both men lie on the mat for a while, before both get up and Orton gives RVD the RKO, for the 3 count and the Intercontinental Title, at 17:59.   Match Analysis: Oooh. Oooh. Oooh. I hate that fucking finish. Hate. Hate. Hate. The finish where a guy lies on the mat for a while, then gives another wrestler his finisher out of nowhere sucks. Not my favorite. Had Orton given RVD the RKO right after crotching him, I'd have liked it more. Still though, it was just an average match. Average means **1/2, minus -1/4* for the shitty finish, giving it **1/4. The large majority of the smark community seems to have biases against Orton, and I don't really get it. He's a decent wrestler. I've seen better, and I've seen worse. And average qualifies as good, nowadays. Or at least that's what I think. ___________________   It's time for the Battle of the Sexes: Chris Jericho and Christian vs. Trish Stratus and Lita. The video package before this match honestly made me embarassed to be a wrestling fan. I didn't want to watch this show with everyone around, cause I'm afraid of, well, getting embarassed. But my entire family was here, and I was embarassed. Oh well. Lame as fuck. The CDN Dollar bet was the only part redeemable about the whole thing, cause it's a Canadian Dollar. Jericho and Christian bet a dollar on who would nail their woman first. Jericho's being Trish, and Christian's being Lita. I chuckled, but that's it. FWIW, I cried during the video when Trish acted all sad about the bet, but that was only because I poked myself in the eye.   Blow-by-blow: Jim Ross compares Eric Bischoff to Saddam Hussein. Boo. Since this fits in the match description, I can't believe how awful the booking was to put these 4 in a match. Nothing good can come of this for Christian and Jericho. Trish and Jericho start the match off, and talk with each other in the ring. See what I'm talking about, nothing good can happen. Trish slaps Jericho a whole bunch, until Jericho bends her over his knee and spanks her ass. My dad guffawed at the visual. Trish kicks Jericho, then gives him a flying headscissor, and tries some dropkicks, but they don't do a thing. Christian tags in, and shoves Trish over towards her corner, where she tags Lita. Christian grabs her by the wrist, until Lita gives him a headbutt. Christian chases her around the ring, until she gets back in. Christian misses a charge to the buckle, and Lita gives him a monkeyflip. Jericho hits Lita, and Christian gives her a bodyslam. Jericho comes in with a bodyslam, and steps on Lita's hair. Heh. Jericho tries a powerbomb, but Lita gives him a hurricanrana for 2. Jericho gives her a back elbow, and tags in Christian, who tears off Lita's shirt. Jericho smells the shirt for some reason, and throws it back in the ring. Christian taunts her, until she gives him a lowblow. Trish comes in, and kicks Christian after a missed clothesline, and then, Christian misses a charge and flies out of the ring through the ropes. Trish tries to rana Jericho, but can't, and he throws her to the canvas, where Christian gets a 2 count. Jericho gets a rollup for 2, and Christian gives her a clothesline. However, Lita comes in with a rana off the top, and then she goes out of the ring, where she's thrown into the barrier by Jericho. Jericho and Trish stare at each other for a second, so Christian comes up from behind and rolls up Trish while holding the tights, for the win at 6:37. Boy oh boy. Jericho looks all sad, as Christian celebrates, on the way backstage.   Match Analysis: I could go on and on forever, but this is such shitty booking. It's like telling Jericho and Christian, "to the midcard you go, where forever you shall stay." I could never buy Jericho as a main eventer after this, had I been watching at the time. EVER. Awful. The match was fine, and *1/2 worthy. But the booking was -****. Terrible. I don't understand it at all, especially why the match would even be made in the first place. Shit like this is what made me quit watching the WWE. And now I remember why. The night after Survivor Series 03 was when I'd start watching both RAW and SMACKDOWN! only once or twice a month, IF that. And after the Royal Rumble, I quit watching RAW entirely. I didn't have the time, but when I did, I didn't watch it anyway. This was a good reminder as to why. I'm glad I saw this. ___________________   Before this next match, we see a clip where HBK practically bled buckets for Austin, in order to save Austin's job. Batista interfered and cost Shawn the match, and Austin's job. So, we have this, a very interesting matchup, to say the least.   Yeah, Shawn Michaels vs. Batista w/Ric Flair. Hmmm....this was the match that piqued my interest, when telling my brother to check what the matches were without telling me the results. Yeah, I'm almost 20 and can do it myself, but why should I? I like to be surprised. Also, in case I've never said this, Shawn's my favorite wrestler to watch. I don't care about the backstage stuff, I'm talking about his matches. He can play both babyface and heel the same way. :Cocky heel that you want to see get his ass kicked OR sympathetic babyface that bleeds buckets and sells like a champ," is something that few wrestlers do well enough. Fuck that noise about him not selling when he kips up. There is not a SINGLE babyface in the entire world that doesn't do shit like that. With that said, him being my favorite to watch is what makes this match very interesting, seeing how the match will be against a limited guy like Batista.   Blow-by-blow: Shawn avoids Batista in the corner, and potshots at him with a few left jabs. They stare at each other and punch in the middle of the ring, until Batista kicks Shawn in the groin area. Batista rams Shawn into the buckle, and Shawn comes back with a few kicks to the leg, and chops to the chest. He avoids Batista again, and punches Flair in the face. For that, Batista chases him around the outside of the ring, until Flair stops him and has a meeting with Batista. Flair whispers something in his ear, and Batista slowly gets back in the ring. Batista corners Shawn and beats him up, mixing in a few knees with the left and right handed punches he throws. Batista clotheslines Shawn on a reversal sequence, which gets a 2 count. Batista gives Shawn a suplex for 2, and then whips him hard into the buckle. Batista gives Shawn an elbow to his face, and a knee to the back, then whips him hard, back into the buckle. Batista chokes Shawn, until Shawn begins chopping him. Batista places Shawn on the top rope after regaining control, but Shawn comes off the top with a moonsault block for 2. He barely hit Batista, but that's better than Shawn's knee clocking someone in the face. Nothing to nitpick about. Shawn gives him a flying forearm and kips up once the referee's double count reaches 7, but Batista springs up too, and gives Shawn a clothesline. Batista puts Shawn into the buckle again, and this time, Shawn goes upside down. Batista tosses Shawn out of the ring, and rams him into the steps. He then throws Shawn in, and gets a cover for a 2 count. A Batista backbreaker gets two, and he gives him another, but of the submission variety. Once Batista drops him, it's at this point that I know what I'm going to rate the match, unless there's a screwup. It's rare, but I could already tell. Usually I can't. Batista punches Shawn, and gets a 2 count. Shawn gives Batista a flying forearm, after a little mistake when Batista shot Shawn into the ropes the first time. Uh-oh, a fuckup. Rating drops. What happened was, Shawn got shot into the ropes, and Batista put his head down. Shawn improvised awfully fast, and kicked him in the head. Then, Batista shot Shawn into the ropes (while Shawn has a clear look of disappointment on his face), and they got the flying forearm right. Every single part of the re-do took part in the exact same place that it happened the first time. I don't mind blown spots, even though they affect my rating, unless they get repeated again. Then they DO bother me a little. I digress. Shawn kips up, and Batista grabs onto a choke. He tries a choke powerbomb, but Shawn reverses it into a DDT. Shawn goes up top, and gives him a flying elbowdrop, for 2. Shawn TUNES UP THE BAND, but Batista blocks SWEET CHIN MUSIC, and gives him a spinebuster. And then, he gives him another. NOT a repeated spot, never blown in the first place. Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Shawn flips through the move on the pick-up, and gives Batista SWEET CHIN MUSIC, giving Shawn the pinfall and victory at 12:22. Batista is awfully pissed about losing, and we'll come back to that.   Match Analysis: Without the match being overly violent or longer, I couldn't have seen it being better. I know how nitpicky this is, but since the blown spot bothered me, I'll knock it down to *3/4. Still, it's solid. Very solid, and better than I had originally thought it would be, when hearing of the matchup. Right guy went over, too. I usually don't make comments like that, but in the case of experienced vs. inexperienced or a title change, I think I will from now on, but only when reviewing an entire show, and not a portion of it. ___________________   Part #2 of the program, as Maven makes his way to the ring. LOL. This is the worst thing about split brand PPV's. It's not worth ordering a show to watch Maven in a match. Sorry. Matt Hardy Version 1.0 comes out too, and they brawl on the outside. They're supposed to have a match, but Batista's in the ring, see. Hardy throws Maven into the ring, where he gets FUUUUCKED up by Batista. 2 Batista Bombs are the main course for Maven, and he's out like a light. That means no match, and everyone boos. What the fuck? They wanted to see this? Hardy covers Maven anyway and counts the pin himself, then grabs the mic and says..."your winner, Matt Hardy V1UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." I was eagerly awaiting that. I laughed for a while, which is probably embarassing. ___________________   To follow up on that, Flair and Batista are backstage, as Batista is still pissed about losing. Flair calms him down, and tells him, we're gonna get some titles tonight. ORLY? Flair's awesome at these interview segments. Awesome. ___________________   Oh boy, a match that's hell to review. Because of how long it is, and the multiple teams involved. Tag Team Turmoil, for the World Tag Team Championships. Just a gauntlet match, really.   Blow-by-blow: Starting the match, will be La Resistance (Conway and Dupree) vs. The Hurricane and the S.H.I.T., Rosey. Geez, that sucks. Rosey and Conway start the match, and Rosey gives Conway a clothesline. Hurricane tags in, with a legdrop off the top rope, and when Conway bails to the floor, the Hurricane tries to springboard out onto him, and eats shit, as his feet catch the top rope, causing him to tumble out onto the floor. I laughed, and I didn't stop laughing for a minute. No lie. That was one of the funniest botches I've ever seen, and if I could find a video, I'd share. The crowd is SO dead, they don't even chant "you fucked up." Oh dear. Conway gives Hurricane a full nelson, and then a swinging neckbreaker. Dupree tags in, and gives Hurricane a powerslam after Hurricane misses a charge. The powerslam gets a 2 count, and Hurricane comes back with a face buster. Not so hot tag Rosey, who has shoulderblocks and backdrops for everyone. He gives one opponent a samoan drop, and another a catatonic, for 2. He dumps Conway out, and gives Dupree and UGLY spinebuster. Hurricane jumps on Rosey's shoulders, and gives Dupree a big splash, gaining the pinfall at 3:17. 1/2*.   Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade come through the crowd as their entrance music plays, and Jindrak rolls Hurricane up at 3:34. DUD.   Lance Storm and Val Venis are the next team up, and they both bring some ladies to the ring. Venis shoulderblocks Jindrak, and Jindrak does the same. Venis gives him a hiptoss and both men trade armdrags, before Jindrak slaps Venis across the face. Venis gives him a back elbow, and Storm tags in with an axhandle off the top rope. Storm gives him an armdrag, and Cade comes in, and gives him a headlock takeover. BORING chant begins, and Storm does that little Owen thing, where he plays around on the ropes, and backflips back into the ring. I liked that. Jindrak tags in, and applies a surboard. Venis comes in and kicks Jindrak, then gives him a spinebuster, and Cade a neckbreaker. Venis gives Cade a half nelson slam, and Storm clotheslines Cade out of the ring. Venis gives Jindrak a blue thunder bomb for 2, and when Cade comes back in, he takes out Venis leg and pins him, while Jindrak holds the leg down, for the pinfall at 7:54. *1/2.   Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley (the champions) are the next ones in, and they toss Jindrak out of the ring. Bubba puts Cade on the top, in tree of woe position, and hits him a few times. D-Von tags in, and both he and his partner give Cade a double clothesline for 2. D-Von gives Jindrak a flying back elbow for 2, and Jindrak comes back with a clothesline for 2. Cade hits D-Von, then tags in. He gives D-Von a snapmare and goes to the chinlock. He goes up top after stopping D-Von's comeback with a back elbow, and misses a flying elbowdrop. Bubba tags in, and clotheslines Cade, and hiptosses Jindrak. He gives Cade a backdrop, and gives both men an avalanche at the same time. He tosses Cade out, and D-Von gives Cade a clothesline. Cade puts Bubba into the stars, and Jindrak and D-Von trade rollups, for 2. D-Von tosses Cade out, and once Jindrak misses a dropkick, it's 3D for him, and the Dudleys get the pin at 12:29. *1/4.   Scott Steiner and Test are the last team. Jesus Christ. Test kicks Bubba, and Scott gives him a belly to belly suplex, then tosses him out. Test rams Bubba into the post twice, and Scott Steiner gives him a STEINERLINE inside, and an elbowdrop for 2. Yeah, the one where he kisses his artificially enhanced bicep. Then he does some pushups, and applies a fujiwara armbar. Test comes in and also applies an armbar, when Scott leaves the ring. Test puts Bubba on the top rope, but Bubba comes off with a senton, after not allowing Test to suplex him off. Here we go to the end, it's long and not very good. D-Von comes in and hits both opponents, and gives Test a flying shoulderblock. He gives both a neckbreaker, and gets a 2 count. By this point, the crowd does not give a shit. Scott gives D-Von a t-bone suplex, and Test gives him a sidewalk slam for 2. Test accidentally gives Steiner a big boot, and D-Von rolls Test up for 2. Test gives D-Von a full nelson slam, and gets 2, with his own feet on the ropes. Test grabs a chair and one of the title belts, then throws the belt near the referee, in order to distract him when he hits D-Von with the chair. The cover only gets 2, and Bubba comes in with a Bubba Bomb. That gives D-Von the 3 count, at 19:27. Why in the world was that the longest match? 1/2*.   Now, Eric Bischoff comes out, and says there's still one last team. It's Ric Flair and Batista! Flair chopblocks Bubba and works on his knee, and applies the figure-four on Bubba, while Batista gives D-Von a Batista Bomb, and that's the end, thankfully, at 21:32. *, and new tag team champions. Goodness. JR nearly gives away the ending to the PPV, but I'll ignore it.   Match Analysis: The overall rating of the match averages to 3/4*. That's pretty much how I thought of the thing as a whole. So bad, the crowd didn't give a shit, neither did I, and a majority of the participants in the original match (prior to Bischoff) don't belong on many PPV's, if any at all. Horrendous. Best part of it was the Storm/Venis portion. That's no surprise. ___________________   Here's an announcement of WWE's trip to Iraq, which took place later that month... ___________________   And we have a thrown together match, Ivory vs. Molly Holly for Molly's Womens Title.   Blow-by-blow: Ivory gives Molly a snapmare, and goes up to the top, with a crossbody that gets 2. She slingshots Molly over the top rope, and goes up to the floor, frontflipping onto Molly from the apron. Molly baseball slides Ivory to the floor when she gets thrown back in, and gives her a northern lights suplex, which gets 2. Armbar from Molly, and King says that Molly may have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Where the fuck did that come from? Not only that, it offends me. I have it, and I'm perfectly fine. Fuck that guy. Rant: I hate the way people stereotype those with IBS, like it makes them have to spastically shit their pants at random periods. That has never happened to me, and the first time I told someone and they laughed and asked me if I shit my pants all the time, in highschool, I knocked them the fuck out. I got suspended, but I didn't care. It makes me angry when people say things like that. Anyway, back to the match. Molly gives Ivory a suplex for 2, and scratches her face. She springboards into Ivory, and gets a two count, then slams Ivory's face into the mat. Molly pulls the buckle pad off, but gets rammed into it by Ivory for 2. Molly reverses an Ivory roll-up for the 3 count, and retains her title at 4:23.   Match Analysis: Crowd hated it. I didn't care much, but it wasn't bad. *. ___________________   Video package prior to.....   Triple H vs. Kane vs. Goldberg, for Goldberg's World Heavyweight Title, in a triple threat match. Guess who's taking the fall? (I usually type what I write in my notes, so yeah. I don't type something from after the fact before the match, very often anyway.)   Blow-by-blow: You have to gimmick this match to make it look good on paper. And I never got the thing with Kane wearing a towel on his head. HHH hits Goldberg from behind, and both he and Kane work Goldberg over in the corner. HHH looks funny with a completely shaved face. HHH whips Goldberg over to Kane, who clotheslines Golberg. HHH rams Goldberg into the buckle, and Goldberg comes back, clotheslining HHH. Kane clotheslines Goldberg, but Goldberg comes back with a flying shoulderblock. Goldberg powerslams Kane, and dumps HHH out of the ring. Goldberg and Kane fight, and Kane rams him into the buckle, then clotheslines Goldberg twice. Kane tries a suplex, but Goldberg breaks it up, then hits HHH with a butterfly suplex. Kane gives Goldberg a sidewalk slam and goes up top, but Goldberg slams him off. He gives HHH a press powerslam, like the one Dr. Death would do sometimes. Goldberg lines Kane up for a spear, but Kane gives him a big boot. Now both Kane and HHH choke Goldberg, until they both give Goldberg a suplex. HHH hangs out in a corner, while Kane gives Goldberg a powerslam. HHH tries to steal the fall, and now Kane's mad. Kane clotheslines HHH oout of the ring, and gives Goldberg a hotshot. JR calls the match "bowling shoe ugly" and I'd tend to agree, although it's been better than I had thought it would be. HHH accidentally hits Kane with a chair, and Goldberg slams HHH. He puts the chair on HHH's leg, to break it I guess, but he's unable to. Kane tosses Goldberg out of the ring, and into the steel steps. Kane tries to chokeslam Goldberg through the Spanish Announce Table, but Goldberg blocks it, and tries to Jackhammer him through it. Hah. He can't either, so eventually, Kane chokeslams Goldberg through the table after HHH hits Goldberg with a chair. Almost forgot, the table didn't break. SO, HHH gets on the barrier outside the ring, and elbowdrops Goldberg through the table. Heh. HHH won't hit Kane with the chair, no sir, but he'll throw him into the steps instead. He tries to PEDIGREE Kane on the floor, but gets backdropped. Goldberg's out of the match for a while, so forget about him. Unfortunately, the match goes to shit when Goldberg's out on the floor. Inside, Kane gives HHH a big boot and sidewalk slam. Kane goes up top, and clotheslines HHH from up there. Kane tries the chokeslam, but HHH pokes him in the eye, and gives Kane a DDT. HHH gets a neckbreaker, then punches Kane, but that doesn't do anything. Kane clotheslines HHH over the top rope, and then they go to the stage, where Kane gives HHH a chokeslam. They had to do SOMETHING to try and save this match. Kane drags HHH to the ring, and Goldberg finally gets up. He runs in the ring and SPEARS Kane, for a 2 count. HHH breaks up the pin, then all three men fight with each other, until Goldberg beats both up. HHH pokes Goldberg in the eye, but it doesn't hurt Goldberg, so he clotheslines both Kane and HHH. He SPEARS Kane, as Randy Orton and Ric Flair come to the ring. They can't do anything to Goldberg, so Goldberg gives HHH a SPEAR. Kane and Goldberg now choke each other, but HHH gives Goldberg a low blow, and Kane gives Goldberg a chokeslam. Batista comes to the ring and pulls Kane off Goldberg on the pin, and HHH steals the fall to win the match, and his 8th major (meaning WWE, Undisputed or World Heavyweight) title, at 19:29. Guess I was wrong about who would take the fall, wasn't I? Evolution celebrate with all their titles, cause they have all RAW's titles, and the show ends.   Match Analysis: Was decent before the table spot. Was DOGSHIT afterwards. That's like almost every match on this show, started off strong, but wound up being junk. Cause it was decent at one point, it's worth a *. That's it. They made Goldberg look like a straight out bitch. Kane's chokeslam doesn't really win important matches, but it put Goldberg down for the equivalent of a 10 count. No wonder his WWE run wasn't so hot, you can't really have him in this long of a match. It's gotta be short and to the point. Still like him, though. But Kane and HHH should never have a match with one another again. No chemistry. ___________________   Rating: Bad. Nothing over **1/4 is a problem. A big problem. Plus the booking of the Battle of the Sexes and main event really bothered me, and the crowd was dead after Jericho and Christian won. One would say, if this show was so shitty, why'd you watch all the way through? Well, I'll explain why, there's two reasons.   1. I enjoy writing these reviews. A lot.   2. There's only been one show I've seen that's been SO SHITTY that I've gotten no enjoyment out of it. It was that Philly show with Hogan/Race, and I turned it off midway through. That was probably the worst wrestling show I've ever watched. I got a lot of enjoyment out of this. V1UUUUUUUUUUUHH, Hurricane's botch, RVD's sell of the choke, HHH elbowdropping Goldberg through the table, Scott Steiner's overall terribleness, Flair winning a title, and seeing a decent IC Title match. So there.   Best Segment: Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Orton for the Intercontinental Championship.   Worst Segment: Tag Team Turmoil. My goodness, that was terrible.   Loudest Sound: RVD, Goldberg, Val Venis(!), Ric Flair and HHH. Very typical, cause Venis brought some women with him to ringside. Obviously, he's going to get a loud pop doing that.   No Sound: La Resistance and the Women's Match. Sorry. ___________________   Don't know what I'm going to write about next, but hopefully it's better than this. It has to be, right? The best thing I can say about this show is that not much was bad enough to be a DUD, and nothing bad enough to be -*'s. Just checked, and this is my longest review. Yay me.
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Review: WWF Survivor Series 1994, from San Antonio, TX, 11/23/1994.

Like I said....but this one was a hard one to finish. Very long. ___________________   The beginning of the show starts with the Survivor Series teams gameplanning (that a word?) for their respective teams...Gorilla Monsoon and Vince McMahon are on commentary. That won't be good.   The first match is the Teamsters: (WWF Tag Team Champion) Diesel, (WWF Tag Team Champion) Shawn Michaels, "Double J" Jeff Jarrett, Jim the Anvil Neidhart, and "The King of Harts" Owen Hart vs. Da Bad Guys: (WWF Intercontinental Champion) Razor Ramon, The 1-2-3 Kid, the British Bulldog, Fatu, and Sionne (The Barbarian)w/Captain Lou Albano and Afa.   Blow-by-blow: For some reason, the Headshrinkers are wearing boots. This will come into play later. Seemingly, fireworks just came out of HBK's shoulderpads. WHOA, DUDE. Both teams won't leave the ring for quite a while, but Kid and Owen start the match. Fatu's having problems with his boots, as Neidhart comes in instead. He gives Kid a shoulderblock, but Kid comes back with a dropkick. Neidhart gives him another shoulderblock, and tags in Jarrett. Jarrett avoids a charge to the corner, and Kid gives him a spin kick. Jarrett misses a sunset flip, and Kid covers him for 2, and then tags in Sionne. I don't know why Samu ever left, so... Anyhow, Sionne gives Jarrett a press slam, and charges into the corner, but Jarrett gets his feet up. He goes up top for a clothesline, and gets in, but only getss a 2 count. Owen tags in, as does Bulldog, and they both trade the armwringer sequence that Owen likes to do, with the kip-up and all. Bulldog slingshots Owen into his teams corner, and they all take their turn at beating up Owen. The crowd liked that. Bulldog gives him a press slam, but gets enziguri'd by Owen afterward. Owen and Neidhart gives Bulldog a clothesline, as Anvil tags in, and Anvil pulls on Bulldog's hair for a bit. Bulldog clotheslines both Owen and Neidhart, then gives Neidhart a delayed vertical suplex. Fatu tags in, and gets a headbutt off the top rope, but the boot bothers him, keeping him from making the pin. Because Fatu's wild, see. Anyway, Fatu gets a powerslam, then tags in Razor Ramon. Jarrett gives Razor an armdrag, then struts, and then takes him down, and gives him some paintbrush type slaps on the head. Razor comes back with a clothesline, and then gives Jarrett another, putting him over the top and to the floor. Razor gives him a fallaway slam on the inside, then tags in Kid, and fallaway slams him onto Jarrett for 2. Jarrett applies an abdominal stretch, but Kid reverses, and Jarrett reverses that, tossing Kid out to the floor. Jarrett tries to suplex Kid in, but can't, so Kid takes his legs out, and tags in Fatu. Owen tags in and gives Fatu a spinning leg lariat for 2, then rams Fatu into the buckle. Cause he's Samoan, that does nothing. Owen gives him a DDT, which doesn't do anything either, so Fatu gives him a superkick. Diesel comes in off the tag and turns Fatu inside out with a clothesline, then gives him the JACKKNIFE for the 3 count at 13:31.   That was fast. Kid gives him a sunset flip off the top, but can't get Diesel to the canvas, so Diesel picks him up by the neck, throws him, then gives him the JACKKNIFE for 2 at 14:12.   Sionne comes in, and gets a JACKKNIFE from Diesel at 14:44. Yeesh.   Bulldog comes in, and Diesel gives him a big boot to put him outside, then Owen, Jarrett and Neidhart keep him from getting back to the ring, counting Bulldog out at 15:02.   Razor rolls up Diesel, but only gets 2. He's the only one left, you know? Razor gives Diesel a bulldog off the top after a missed charge, but HBK breaks the cover up. Diesel gives Razor Snake Eyes, as the crowd's been going nuts pretty much for the duration of the match. Diesel tries to do it again, but can't, so Razor slams him and calls for the RAZOR'S EDGE. Diesel counters with a backdrop, and gets the big boot. Diesel gives Razor the JACKKNIFE, then HBK tells Diesel to hold up Razor for SWEET CHIN MUSIC. HBK hasn't tagged in yet, if you couldn't tell. HBK gives SCM to Diesel on accident, so Diesel's pissed at HBK. He chases HBK to the back, and hits all of his teammates on the way there. All the Teamsters get counted out at 21:46...as we go to Todd Pettingill in the match. He's with a frantic HBK, who's trying to leave the arena. Well, he gets in his car and leaves, but not before throwing his tag team belt on the ground. Guess the title is vacated.   Survivor: Razor Ramon.   Match Analysis: Good booking. Can't think of much else to say, it was a good way to establish Diesel as being unstoppable, justifying him getting a title shot and winning. I liked it, but there was a lot going on. Almost too much, really. ***1/4. ___________________   Great, just what I was looking forward to. It's the Royal Family: Jerry the King Lawler, Queazy, Sleazy and Cheezy vs. Clowns R Us: Doink, Dink, Wink and Pink. Save us all.   Blow-by-blow: Doink starts the match with an enziguri, and Lawler tries to do the same, but can't. All the Doinks run over Lawler as Lawler's on the canvas, and Lawler's team does the same. Please stop. Lawler puts Doink down, and Lawler's midgets try to run over Doink, but trip and fall. Doink slams Lawler three times, and all Doink's midgets pin Lawler, but they're not legal in the match, so no count. Lawler slams Doink, and his midgets do the same, but he tosses them away. This shit is not funny at all. Dink runs in and puts a Burger King crown on Lawler, so Sleazy comes in, and we have a chickenfight. Anyway, Sleazy tries to put Lawler on his shoulders, but falls, putting Lawler flat on his face. Dink headbutts Cheezy, and the midgets do a criss-cross sequence. Doink's team runs Lawler's over...then Lawler grabs a foreign object out of his trunks, and hits Doink with it. All Lawler's team chokes Doink, but Doink rams Lawler into them. Doink gets a hiptoss, then Doink's team chases Lawler's around the ring apron, but Doink goes for a springboard crossbody, which gets reversed by Lawler after grabbing the tights, for Doink's elimination at 10:32.   Queazy and Dink tag in, and they both trade biting each other on the ass. Then Dink bites Lawler on the ass, as Wink and Cheezy tag in. Wink grabs Cheezy's beard and tags in Dink, who comes in with an axhandle off the top, and a monkeyflip, but Queazy covers Wink with his feet on the ropes at 13:06. Came out of nowhere.   Nothing happens for a minute, pretty much, until Lawler slams Cheezy on Wink for a 3 count at 14:27.   Dink gets a suplex as he comes in, and gives Cheezy and Queazy a double noggin-knocker. Dink goes up top for a CROSSBODY, but Lawler breaks the cover, and Queazy distracts the referee, so Sleazy can reverse the pinfall for the win at 16:03.   Survivors: The entire team of the Royal Family.   After the match, all Lawler's midgets chase Lawler outside of the ring, after Lawler said he hated short people, and then Doink's midgets came out from under the ring, cornered Lawler, and chased him down the aisle, at which point he turned around and Doink threw a pumpkin pie in his face. Wow.   Match Analysis: I think this may have been the worst comedy match I've ever watched. Why'd the scene after the match have to be so long? I've seen worse matches, all of them being ones that were supposed to be serious. But no comedy match this bad, ever. Wish I'd have been spared. -*****. ___________________   This next match is for the World Wrestling Federation Title, and basically, the only reason I wanted to watch this show in the first place. It's a submission match, and the wrestlers second has to throw the towel in, in order for them to lose. Simple, right? The challenger is Bob Backlund w/Owen Hart, and the champion is Bret Hart w/the British Bulldog. Backlund's crossface-chickenwing was portrayed as a death move on TV leading up to this match. Not only that, but in the age of entrance music being a big thing...Backlund doesn't have any.   Blow-by-blow: Bret Hart's family is there, of course, but in a moment that's a little strange...Helen and Stu are down at ringside, while the rest of Bret's family is upstairs, in a premium seating area, or so it would seem. Hart slams Backlund at the beginning, and gives Backlund a hiptoss. He armdrags Backlund out to the floor, and on the inside, headbutts him. Backlund bails again, but Bulldog puts him back into the ring. Hart slams Backlund and gives him a bulldog, and holds onto the headlock. While doing so, Backlund gives him a back suplex, but Hart comes back with a European uppercut, and goes to the chinlock. Backlund gives him a shoulderblock, but Hart goes back to the headlock. Backlund whips him into the ropes, and gives him a droptoehold. To note, this match is moving quite slowly. Not in a bad way, though. Backlund tries the chickenwing, but can't get the hold applied. The wrestlers do a reversal sequence that eventually winds up in a headlock applied by Bret, then Hart gives Backlund a belly-to-belly suplex. Bret tries for the SHARPSHOOTER, but Backlund kicks away from it. Bret applies an abdominal stretch, but Backlund hiptosses out of it. Backlund tries to slam Bret, but Bret lands on top. No cover, though, remember, it's a submission match. Bret gives Backlund a slam of his own, but misses an elbowdrop off the 2nd rope. Backlund works on the arm, and puts Hart into the buckle, He tries for the chickenwing again, but can't get it, so he kicks Bret's arm instead. Backlund applies a fujiwara armbar, then gives Bret a head stomp. I really like when wrestlers kick their opponent in the head. Don't know why. Bret kips up, but Backlund gives Bret a forearm which knocks Bret out of the ring. Owen gets Bret's attention once Bret gets back in the ring, so Backlund can regain control. Backlund elbows Bret in the face, then applies an armbar again. Bret slams him, but it doesn't force Backlund to release the hold. Hart gives him a swinging neckbreaker, but Backlund just WON'T release the arm of Bret. Bret gives him an inverted atomic drop, which finally gets Backlund to release the hold. Now Bret tries the figure-four leglock, and gets the hold locked in. Backlund asks for the towel to be thrown in, but there's no way Owen'll do it. Backlund reverses the hold, but Bret re-reverses it. Backlund finally gets to the ropes, and Hart starts to work on the knee. He wrenches it, kneedrops it, and elbows it, then repeats the same sequence again. Bret goes for the SHARPSHOOTER, but Backlund gets to the ropes before the hold is applied. Backlund punches Bret a few times, then goes for a PILEDRIVER, which he gets. Now Backlund goes for his finisher AGAIN, but can't get it. So he headbutts Bret, and gives Bret a swinging neckbreaker. There's a uniqueness to the match, and it's the style of Backlund. Sort of a realness, funny as that is. He puts Bret into the buckle twice, but Backlund misses a charge. He tries another PILEDRIVER, but Bret counters it with a backdrop. Backlund goes for the sleeper, but Bret runs towards the buckle and ducks, leading Backlund to hit his head on the buckle and break the hold. A Backlund shoulderblock brings a collision, and Hart gets up first with a legdrop. Bret gets a PILEDRIVER, then another bulldog and a russian leg sweep to boot. Bret gets a backbreaker and elbow off the 2nd rope, and now it's time for the SHARPSHOOTER. Owen distracts Bulldog, getting him to chase Owen, and Owen takes the chase into the ring, where the referee tries to usher Bulldog out, and Owen gives Bret a bulldog, forcing Bret to break the hold. Whew. Bulldog starts chasing Owen again, but Owen ducks and Bulldog goes head first into the steel stairs, "knocking" Bulldog out cold. Backlund locks on the crossface-chickenwing, as Owen begins to show concern for Davey. "This wasn't what I wanted," and all that. Owen's "crying," and he tells Bret he's sorry. Bret tries to power out of the hold, but he can't. This whole sequence continues for 8 MINUTES, as Owen tells his mother this wasn't what he wanted. He keeps begging Helen to throw in the towel, and once the barricade is removed so Helen and Stu can come ringside, Helen grabs the towel. She tries to throw it, but Stu prevents her from doing so. Bret hasn't moved for a while, to sell the hold, of course. It looks like a deadly move. About a minute later, Helen snatches the towel out of Stu's hand and throws it in, and the referee rings the bell at 35:17, which gives Backlund his SECOND WWF TITLE. Backlund immediately releases the hold, to boos from the crowd, as Owen runs backstage with Bret's towel, in celebration. Faker. Help comes ringside, to bring Bret backstage. Of course, that was a route they had to take, because they wanted to put the title on Diesel, and all that.   Match Analysis: EXTREMELY LONG for a WWF match, and most surprisingly, not the type of match they'd had since Backlund was the champion. Featured a ton of mat wrestling, which is certainly an acquired taste. If you don't like it, you won't like the match. But I enjoyed the mat wrestling, SO....***3/4. A bit of overkill as far as how long the hold was applied, but certainly necessary. Vince bemoans the state of the New Generation...well, he ain't kidding. Unfortunately, it could and DID get a whole lot worse. ___________________   Bam Bam Bigelow, Tatanka, King Kong Bundy, Jimmy Del Ray and Tom Prichard w/ Ted DiBiase and Jim Cornette vs. Lex Luger, Bart Gunn, Billy Gunn, Adam Bomb, and Mabel w/Mo is the 5th match of the night, and one that interests me, in a weird way. Funny lineup.   Blow-by-blow: Lex and Tatanka start, and Tatanka's chops and right hands don't do a thing to the Lex Express. Tatanka suplexes Lex, but of course, Lex no-sells it. Luger gives him a face smash and two clotheslines, then clotheslines Tatanka out to the floor. Luger press slams Tatanka onto Bigelow, so both Mabel and Bundy tag in. That's a lot of obesity right there. Bundy decides to get out, and Prichard takes his place. Mabel slams Prichard, but misses an elbowdrop. Mabel takes a kneedrop from Prichard, but gets a backdrop, and then, he goes UP TO THE 2ND ROPE, giving Prichard a crossbody off, for the elimination at 3:58.   Del Ray tries to dropkick Mabel, but can't do it, so Mabel gives him that Bossman slam thing. Bundy comes in, and both men's shoulderblocks don't do a thing, until Mabel tries for a 2nd time and finally, Bundy goes down. Bam Bam tags in, and Mabel gives hima spinning heel kick and goes UP to the TOP, but Bigelow slams him down. Bigelow tries for a sunset flip from the top, but Mabel sits on him. Mabel clotheslines him over the top and to the floor, but Mabel hits his head on the concrete, and gets counted out, at about 7:27.   Billy comes in, and bridges out of a pinfall into a backslide for 2. It really had no place in the match whatsoever, he just did it. Bomb comes in, and gets a droptoehold, but tries for a crossbody and misses, falling to the outside. He gets a slingshot clothesline back in, and 2 clotheslines, before Bundy stops his little rally with a clothesline to the back of Bomb's head. Bigelow gives Bomb a bulldog, and then a moonsault to put Bomb out at 9:09. Guess it's a good thing I changed my username.   Lex comes in with a quick roll-up for 2, in an attempt to catch Bigelow off guard, and Del Ray tags back in. He gets a superkick, but on the Irish whip Lex avoids a clothesline, and then gets the RUNNING FOREARM for the pinfall at 10:55. Hate his finisher with a passion, I do.   Bart tags in and slams Tatanka, which gets a 2 count. Billy comes in, and gets a legdrop for 2. The Gunns get a double russian leg sweep for 2, and Billy stays in, and gets a slam. They work over Tatanka for a while, namely getting a monkey flip for 2. Bart gives him a sidewalk slam, but after Tatanka reverses an Irish whip, Tatanka gives Bart the END OF THE BAH GAWD TRAIL for 2 at 14:28. End of the Trail = samoan drop.   Lex comes in with an axhandle off the top rope, and Billy comes in with a hiptoss for 2. An elbowdrop gets 2, and then Lex gets a slam. Tatanka gives Billy a powerslam, then tags Bundy, who misses an elbowdrop, but gets a AVALANCHE in the corner for 3 at 17:14. It's Luger vs Bundy, Bigelow and Tatanka.   Tatanka tries to sneak in and beat Luger up, and Bigelow comes in, but misses a charge. Lex clotheslines Bigelow and Tatanka. Close 2 count on the cover against Tatanka, and then Luger gives him a sunset flip, but Tatanka tagged Bigelow so there wasn't a cover. Bigelow gives Luger a suplex for 2, and then Bundy comes in and gets a kneedrop for 2. DiBiase taunts Luger, as Bigelow comes in, and gets a falling headbutt for 2. Bundy puts Luger to the buckle, and gets an elbowdrop for 2. Tatanka tags in and gets a powerslam for 2, and I swear, Vince McMahon is the worst commentator ever. On every 2 count during this match, the "ohhegothimnohedidnt" was running strong. Tatanka gives Lex three elbowdrops, but Lex cradles him out of nowhere, putting Tatanka out at 23:14.   Almost immediately, Bundy comes in and gives Luger a big splash, at 23:22, gaining the win for his team. Luger gets attacked after the match, and given the END OF THE TRAIL. Bigelow and Bundy both do a few damaging attacks, so all of Luger's team runs out to make the save, and they clean house. Well, Mabel took a while getting there, so he clotheslined the Heavenly Bodies in the aisleway.   Survivors: King Kong Bundy and Bam Bam Bigelow.   Match Analysis: Good booking that established Mabel as a threat, and entertaining too, but this match pretty much solidified the fact that Luger was going to also-ran territory. Anyhow, weird placement, as if they were trying to build up the crowd, and although the main event had heat, I'm not so sure it was because of this. They would have been better served to put this as the opener, but who am I to say so? I just don't see the need to put a match with many lower carders this late in the show. My .02. Anyhow, it's **. ___________________   Todd Pettingill's with Bob Backlund, who says he beat Bret to save our society, and that he really doesn't care about the "New Generation." Not a bad promo, but why should I care?   Anyhow, the main event is a casket match, and of course, it's Yokozuna w/Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer. Oh yeah, CHUCK FUCKING NORRIS is on the outside, keeping Yoko from having help in beating Taker like last time, at Royal Rumble 1994.   Blow-by-blow: During Undertaker's entrance, the video wall separates, for him to walk out of. Yeah, that was strange. Once Taker gets in the ring, he points to the casket and tells Yoko that he's goin' in. Yokozuna gives Taker an avalanche in the corner, but it doesn't do a thing. Yoko gets rammed into the casket, and then, Taker rams him into the steel steps. Back in the ring, Taker delivers OLD SCHOOL, but Yoko comes back with a samoan drop. Taker no-sells it, but gets clotheslined. Another no-sell follows, so Yokozuna gives him ROCK BOTTOM, ROCK BOTTOM....and a legdrop. Yoko drags him to the casket, and puts Taker inside, but Taker pulls Yoko in too, and they fight. Fuji grabs Taker, so Taker chases him, and hits Cornette on his way. Inside again, Yoko slams Taker, then knocks him out of the ring and rams him into the steps. Yoko chokes Taker, and now the match begins to slow down a bit. This goes for a while, until Taker gives him a clothesline, and then goes up top and does the same. To the casket we go, as King Kong Bundy and Bam Bam Bigelow grace us with their presence. Needless to say, they're scared of Chuck Norris. Who isn't? IRS comes into the ring, and Norris isn't noticing, and IRS applies a sleeper on the Undertaker. He puts Taker in the casket and disapperars, but Yoko can't shut the lid, because Taker got up. Taker chokes him, and Jeff Jarrett makes his way to the ring, but he gets KARAAAAAATTTTTE kicked by Norris and knocked out. Taker gives Yoko a flying clothesline and running DDT, then a big boot which puts Yokozuna in the casket. Taker grabs Fuji's Japanese flag, breaks it and throws it inside, then shuts the lid for the win at 15:25.   Match Analysis: That was a million times better than I thought it would be. So much so, that I won't go into negatives. It was the right way to end the Taker/Yoko thing, with the outside interference not getting the job done, and the seeming nature of a squash throughout the match. Honestly, it felt like that the whole way, IMO. Better than it had any right to be, but still 1/2*. It wasn't good.   Show's over! ___________________   Rating: Decent. I'm being kind, but Backlund/Hart is certainly worth a look. Considering that, you kinda have to watch it. I'm generous to this show because I started watching wrestling in 1994, and it is one of my favorite time periods. Not because it was good, but because I liked it when I was a kid.   Best Match: Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart for the WWF Title. Self explanatory.   Worst Match: Lawler's team vs. Doink's team. I never want to watch that again.   Loudest Sound: The Undertaker, Razor Ramon, Diesel and Owen Hart.   No Sound: The Heavenly Bodies, Smoking Gunns, Tatanka, and Adam Bomb. That's half the people in a match, and really no embellishment. ___________________   Not reviewing the roundtable, but I watched it last night. Really, really fun watch. This channel is great, and really, the main reason I watch wrestling. If it wasn't around, I probably wouldn't watch, because such a large library wouldn't be easy to access.
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Review: WWF Survivor Series 1995, from Landover, MD, 11/19/1995.

I lied. No ECW just yet, I felt like getting this one out of the way. Let me say, it was a great decision to watch this. ___________________   Vince, MR. PERFECT, and Jim Ross are on commentary, and in case you missed it, Perfect was introduced before the show. This is Survivor Series 1995, also known as "shitty gimmicks galore."   The first match of the night is Marty Jannetty, Hakushi, Barry Horowitz and Bob Holly (The Underdogs) vs. Tom Prichard, Skip, Rad Radford (Louie Spicolli), and the 1-2-3 Kid w/Ted DiBiase and Sunny.   Blow-by-blow: Before the match, during Kid's entrance, he gives the Kliq sign. The things I notice now...anyhow, Razor Ramon tries to attack the Kid, and we see why, as during a Razor v. Sid match on RAW, Kid was the special referee, and fast counted Razor. Prichard and Jannetty get the action going, and Jannetty just runs over to the heels corner and hits everyone. Prichard hits the Kid on accident, and gets backdroped by Jannetty. Radford and Holly tag in, at which point Holly shoulderblocks Radford, then gives Radford a hurricanrana. Well, that's a move I've never seen Holly do. Radford tries to do the same, but gets powerbombed by Holly. Holly slams Radford and legdrops him after an armdrag, then tags in Hakushi. Hakushi gets spinebustered though, and Radford tags in the Kid. Kid gets a splash off the top rope for 2, and does a spinning kick, much in the fashion that he's always done. Skip tags in and tries to give Hakushi a back suplex from the top rope, but Hakushi reverses it into a crossbody. He tags in Holly, who gets a backdrop, but Prichard tags in as well. Prichard gives Holly a gutwrench powerbomb for 2, then slams him afterward. Prichard goes up to the top, but misses his moonsault. Holly comes off the top after tagging in, and gives Prichard a crossbody, which eliminates Prichard at 5:39.   Skip comes in quickly, and rolls up Holly at 5:45, eliminating him. That was fast.   Hakushi comes in with a few rolling kicks(!), but misses a pump splash out of the corner. Skip gives Hakushi a frankensteiner off the TOP ROPE, but he's hurt, so both men are down. These guys are doing some crazy shit tonight. Kid comes in, but is given a springboard elbow, just like the Great Muta's. Hakushi goes up top, and gets a flying shoulderblock for 2. Hakushi slams the Kid, but misses his slingshot flying headbutt. Radford tags in, and Kid kicks Hakushi in the back of the head, which leads to a Radford pinfall at 8:32.   Barry Horowitz comes into the ring for the first time during the match, and the crowd goes nuts. I guess I never really realized how over he was. Kid comes back in again, and he and Radford gives Barry a double back elbow. Kid suplexes Horowitz, and kicks him a few times. Radford comes in and gets a gutwrench suplex for 2, but once Horowitz gets up, Horowitz gives Radford a jawbreaker. A Radford clothesline gets 2, but he doesn't let the referee finish the count, picking Horowitz up at 2. Radford headbutts Horowitz in the nuts, then does the Mr. Perfect-ish neck snap. Funny that Perfect is at ringside, isn't it. Radford gets a northern lights suplex for 2, then starts doing some pushups. Too bad for him, Horowitz rolls him up out of nowhere, and eliminates Radford at 11:47. Heh.   Skip comes in, and Horowitz gives him a hiptoss. Kid tags in, and gives Horowitz a legdrop, leading to the pin at 12:47. Marty, Skip and Kid are the only ones left.   Marty tries a german suplex after Skip misses a charge towards the corner, but he can't get it. Marty rolls through a powerbomb attempt and gets 2, then gives Skip a ROCKER DROPPER. Marty goes up top, but Sunny shakes the ropes, leading to Jannetty being crotched on the top rope. In a strange finish, Marty SUPERBOMBS Skip, leading to Skip being pinned at 15:24. Two things. One, I would never let Marty freakin' Jannetty give me that move. Ever. Two, this move, in the WWF? Goodness.   Kid gives Marty a legdrop from the top rope for 2 as he comes in, and a running dropkick. Kid slams Marty, then goes up top, but misses a rolling senton. Marty gets a dropkick for 2, as Psycho Sid makes his way to the ring. Well, we know who's gonna win the match, if there was any doubt to begin with. Marty gives Kid a facesmash, and a ROCKER DROPPER for 2. Kid grabs the ropes on the pinfall, as DiBiase gets on the ring apron. Sid comes up from behind, now that the referee is distracted, and drops Marty along the top rope, which leads to the pinfall and the win for the 1-2-3 Kid, at 19:07. Finish was crap.   Survivor: The 1-2-3 Kid.   Match Analysis: Yeah, the finish was junk, but the rest of the match was awesome. I've watched a lot of the Survivor Series', and this is likely my favorite elimination match of the bunch. ****1/4, the crap finish to the match deducts a 1/4. But it was still awesome, and well worth watching. Not surprising, given the workers involved. Not a single bad one in the match.   Razor's reaction to Kid winning the match is shown, he pretty much wrecks all the shit in the lockerroom, as for some reason he was with the Undertaker's team. Henry Godwinn's his boy, yo. ___________________   Todd Pettingill's with Owen Hart, Yokozuna and Dean Douglas, who along with Razor Ramon will be part of the Wildcard match later on.   Michael Hayes promotes the Survivor Series 1995 t-shirt, and honestly, this embarasses the shit out of me. They've got him running around under the Dok Hendrix name, promoting their bullshit. Makes me feel weird.   Bertha Faye, Aja Kong, Lioness Asuka, and Tomoko Watanabe w/Harvey Wippleman vs. (WWF Women's Champion) Alundra Blayze, Kyoko Inoue, Sakie Hasegawa, and Chaparita Asari was the next match, and honestly, I can't review it. I have a really hard time reviewing multi-man matches with people that aren't established by the announce team, if you haven't noticed. They need to help a brotha out. That's what they're for, right? Otherwise they're useless. Singles matches are no problem, I can catch on quickly, but a 6 or 8 man tag? No can do. Anyway, the match finished at 10:01, with AJA KONG as the sole survivor, after pinning Blayze with a Shonie Carter-esque spinning backfist. She was made to be the "monster" of the match, and with good reason. Her offense was rough. One of the women hit a SKY TWISTER PRESS, which is just awesome. Match was **, I felt like one or two finishes were screwed up, and the crowd wasn't ready for it.   Survivor: Aja Kong. ___________________   Todd Pettingill is with the Bill Clinton impersonator, and when Bam Bam Bigelow's pyro goes off, his "secret service" agents dive on top of him, making him take over. Fucking lame.   Finally, we get a regular match, Goldust vs. Bam Bam Bigelow.   Blow-by-blow: Goldust's entrance takes way too fucking long. WAY. Goldust starts the match with a few right hands and a thrust to the throat of Bigelow, then chokes Bam Bam in the corner. Goldust bails out of the ring after a Bigelow Irish whip, and slaps Bigelow when he comes back in. Bigelow gives him a dropkick, and on the outside, Goldust misses a clothesline, ramming himself into the ringpost. Inside, and just as they get in, Goldust clotheslines Bigelow over the top rope. What's the point of that? Inside, Goldust gets headbutted, then comes back with a kneelift. Goldust goes to a front facelock, and then tosses Bigelow over the top rope. He rams Bigelow into the steps and brings him back in, but Bigelow gives him a back suplex. He goes for a falling headbutt, but misses it. Goldust practically humps the guy on a cover, that only gets a 2 count. Goldust goes to the chinlock, but changes strategy and gives Bigelow a head vice instead. Bam Bam puts him on his shoulders and drops him, but Goldust comes back with a clothesline. He's not selling anything. A kneedrop gets 2, and we go back to the chinlock, at which point Bigelow goes Gene Okerlund, meaning "FUCK IT," and gives Goldust another back suplex. A clothesline gets 2, and on an Irish whip to the turnbuckle, Goldie fucks it up and falls down once hitting the buckle. He gets back up and walks over to the buckle (which is so business exposing it's ludicrous), and then Bigelow misses a charge, so Goldust gives Bigelow a bulldog which gets the 3 count at 8:19.   Match Analysis: This was all over the place. Junk that had no flow, and I probably wouldn't watch it again. DUD. Really disappointing, but expected, given that this was Bigelow's last match with the company. ___________________   "Clinton" tells Bob Backlund he should run for President, and Backlund can't even make it through his lines without stuttering. That's supposed to be the first sign you shouldn't be doing that segment. As we move to what could be even worse... ___________________   We have the Darkside: The Undertaker, Savio Vega, Henry Godwinn and FATU w/Paul Bearer and a bucket of slop vs. The Royals: Jerry "the King" Lawler, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Issac Yankem D.D.S., and King Mabel w/Sir Mo. IMO, this is the worst collection of gimmicks in any Survivor Series match, outside of the midget match the year before. Prior to the match, we take a look back at King of the Ring 1995 (:shudder:), when Mabel won the King of the Ring after interference from Kama, against Taker. After that, we go to a RAW which took place a month ago, when Mabel broke Taker's face. Taker has this Phantom of the Opera thing goin', and I sorta like it. Fits with the ridiculousness of a lot of things on this show.   Blow-by-blow: FATU and Helmsley start the match, and Helmsley does that gay courtsey of his. Since Fatu's makin' a difference, he does the same thing, but only to make fun of Helmsley's. For the children. Fatu gives Helmsley a backdrop, but after a few Helmsley right hands, he tries the PEDIGREE. Doesn't do it though, as he looks over and sees Taker starting him down. After all, Helmsley was standing right next to him. Godwinn and Lawler tag in, but Lawler doesn't want to fight. He tags in his lackey, Yankem, and Godwinn hiptosses the guy. Godwinn bodyslams him and gives him an elbowdrop, but after ramming him into the buckle, Yankem comes back with a back suplex. Helmsley tags in, and chokes Godwinn, as the commentators note Helmsley's undefeated streak in singles competition thus far in the World Wrestling Federation. Helmsley gets a high knee for 2, but gets press slammed as Godwinn gets in some offense. He squeals like a pig, then tags in Vega, while Helmsley tags in Lawler. Vega does this gay dance after a hiptoss, then Lawler does one which is equally as dumb. Vega gives him a dropkick, then tags in Fatu. He rams Lawler's head into the turnbuckle 10 times, but gets kneed by Yankem. Lawler gives Fatu a fistdrop, then tags in Yankem, who slams Fatu and legdrops him. MABEL finally comes in, but misses an avalanche. Vega comes in, but gets slammed by Mabel in Bossman Slam fashion. Mabel gives him a belly-to-belly throw, as in, he threw Vega the whole way across the ring like that. Yankem tags in with a dropkick, and applies a nerve hold. Like I said in the Survivor Series 90 review, that shit DOES NOT BELONG in these matches. Mabel and Yankem choke Vega, and Helmsley comes in with a kneedrop for 2. Mabel clotheslines Vega while Mabel's standing on the apron, and tags Lawler in. He piledrives Vega, but only gets a 2 count. That was a bit of a surprise. Helmsley comes in, and HITS ROCK BOTTOM, courtesy of Savio Vega. I never thought I'd see Vega do that move. Lawler tags in and piledrives Vega again, but Vega no-sells it, and FINALLY, the Undertaker will enter the ring. That no-sell was fucking dumb. He chokes Lawler, and Lawler attempts to make a tag, but there isn't a single guy willing to get in. A TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER from Taker finishes the King at 12:18. Kinda figured he'd be the first to go.   Yankem comes in and does nothing, before Taker gives him a flying clothesline. TOMBSTONE, see you later at 12:50.   Helmsley acts like he's going to leave, but Godwinn grabs the slop bucket, forcing Helmsley to make a tough decision. Since Helmsley's a blueblood, he'll take the asskickin'. He gets chokeslammed in, and pinned by Taker at 13:35.   Mabel's the only heel left, and he gives Taker a belly-to-belly, along with a legdrop. Mabel dances, but Taker sits up. I forgot to mention two things. One, Mabel was carried to the ring, and was nearly dropped. If you look at the carrier on the right side of the screen, he's having such a hard time that he looks as if he's shitting his pants. Two, Mabel's sporting an UGLY mohawk. Well, the guy's ugly, so it's no surprise his mohawk is the same. Mo attacks Taker as the referee is distracted, and Mabel just leaves, at 14:24. Taker chokeslams him, but Mo no-sells it and leaves. Bet that pissed someone off.   Survivors: Savio Vega, The Undertaker, Fatu and Henry Godwinn. You mean to tell me one of those couldn't do a job?   Match Analysis: Booking was funny, but it fit. Taker should have been the one to take care of the heels, I'm not complaining. It's a little thing, but the nervehold bugged me, even though the match was shitty. 3/4*, and I'm probably being kind. These matches have action, but it isn't always good action. This show has way too many dead people on it, but none of them played any part in this match. Weird. Anyway, onto part 2, which definitely will be on this review. Just wanted to show where part 1 ends, is all. ___________________   Finally, the Wildcard match. This is an idea which definitely needs to be repeated. But first...   Bret Hart with a promo about his match later vs. Diesel...   Diesel returns the favor with one of his own...   Lastly, we have a promo with Shawn Michaels' team, and Cornette seems to be playing both sides. He was in the interviews with each team. ___________________   Speaking of the Wildcard match, it's Shawn Michaels, the British Bulldog, Psycho Sid, and Ahmed Johnson w/Jim Cornette and Ted DiBiase vs. Yokozuna, Owen Hart, Dean Douglas and (WWF Intercontinental Champion) Razor Ramon w/Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette. Like I said, Corny's playing both sides. Not only that, but Yoko is the fattest I've ever seen him. Note that I've hardly watched anything WWF from 1996, and what I have watched didn't have Yoko involved.   Blow-by-blow: HBK and Owen start the match, with HBK getting a shoulderblock. Owen gives him a hiptoss and tries to throw HBK out, but HBK skins the cat and gives Owen a headscissor out. Cornette swings his tennis racket at HBK, but HBK grabs it and hits Corny on the ass with it. Owen gives him a belly-to-belly suplex on the inside, then tags in Douglas. He gives HBK a delayed suplex, but Shawn puts Dean hard into the buckle, and gives Dean a flying forearm. An axhandle from the top rope gets 2, but after a missed charge to the buckle, he gets slammed by Douglas, who goes up for a pump splash, and misses. HBK gets a moonsault block for 2, then tags in Ahmed. Ahmed tries to slam Yokozuna, but can't do it. He gets scratched on the back, then Yoko tags in Douglas again. To the chinlock we go, but Dean breaks the hold and tags in Owen instead. Owen chokes Ahmed, and Ramon goes to work on him, then Dean tags in. Ahmed gets a powerslam, then slams HBK onto Douglas, which gets 2. Douglas avoids SWEET CHIN MUSIC, and on the outside, Douglas and Razor get into an argument. Douglas gets in the ring as Ramon is on the apron, and Ramon belts him, leading to Shawn rolling Douglas up at 7:29, so Douglas is gone.   Bulldog and Owen are in, and they fight, despite being managed by Cornette. Bulldog gives Owen a monkeyflip, and then Owen gives Bulldog a spinning leg lariat. Yoko's laughing on the ring apron for some reason, as HBK tags back in, along with Razor. They play up the "we don't fight unless there's ladders involved" thing, and Razor clotheslines him, prior to HBK doing the flying forearm and kipping up. Razor gives HBK the RAZOR'S EDGE, seemingly out of nowhere, but Ahmed breaks up the pin attempt. Razor gives Shawn a kneelift, and after an Irish whip, both wrestlers collide in the center of the ring. Sid finally comes in, and beats Razor up a little bit, but Yoko comes in to help Razor out. Razor and Sid clothesline each other, but Sid goes up to the top rope after, and gets slammed off by Razor, which gets a 2 count. Kick, punch sequence follows, and Sid gives Razor a 1 handed chokeslam, and calls for the powerbomb. He tags Shawn instead, who gives Sid a SWEET CHIN MUSIC on accident. Razor gets two, because Bulldog overjumps his cue and runs in on Razor too quickly. Razor then pins Sid again, and gets 3, at 16:19. Should have done another move to Sid after the pin breakup, as it was, it looked like shit and was business exposing.   Bulldog runs in now, and beats up Razor, which distracts the referee from seeing Sid POWERBOMB HBK. Owen comes in and gives Bulldog a backbreaker and backdrop, then tags Yokozuna. He puts Shawn into the corner, where Shawn does that flip of his. Yoko gives Shawn a nerve hold, and considering that it's Yoko, I'll deal with it. Owen comes in and along with Yoko, both headbutt Shawn, then Owen gives him a suplex. Up top, but Owen misses a diving headbutt. Ahmed gets the hot tag, and he's a house of fire. Quickly as he gets in, he gives Owen the PEARL RIVER PLUNGE, which eliminates Owen at 21:47.   Razor comes in with a bulldog, and the spot gets screwed up a little, as Razor had to chase him down, like Ahmed wasn't paying attention. Ahmed gets a spinebuster after catching Razor unawares, then taunts him on the 2nd turnbuckle. Well, Razor gets up quickly, and gives Ahmed a RAZOR'S EDGE off the 2nd turnbuckle. Bulldog attacks Razor though, so no cover is registered. Ahmed tagged Bulldog while up in the RAZOR'S EDGE, so Bulldog's able to stay in. Sid and the 1-2-3 Kid make their way back to the ring, in case you didn't know, Sid is pretty much Ted DiBiase's bodyguard. Razor gives Bulldog a fall-away slam, but Kid trips Razor, and Bulldog powerslams Razor, eliminating him at 24:07.   Yoko's the only one left, and he pokes HBK in the eye. He slams and legdrops Yoko, so Yoko goes for the BANZAI!!! He misses, and Ahmed comes in, who slams Yokozuna. Bulldog breaks the pin up, because Yoko's his buddy, so Ahmed and HBK clothesline Bulldog out of the ring. HBK gives Yoko the SWEET CHIN MUSIC, and Ahmed finishes the bout with a big splash on Yoko for 3 at 27:23. The crowd goes banana, as Ahmed and HBK celebrate. Bulldog's celebrating too, and it looked so awkward. Funny, at that.   Survivors: Ahmed Johnson, Shawn Michaels, and the British Bulldog   Match Analysis: Weird, but unique. Most of all, fun. I liked that everyone jobbed, and we didn't get any bullshit DQ or countout finishes. ***1/2, and the concept should definitely be revisited. Funny to see faces face faces and heels face heels. I liked what the WWF was doing with Sid right here, although I don't know particularly where it led. Didn't Sid break his leg during a softball game, so the whole thing was dropped? The angle with Shawn passing out happened the next night, btw. ___________________   Pettingill's with "Clinton" AGAIN, and this time, Sunny's sitting on his lap. I guess it was a little funny.   Pictures from KotR 94, and Rumble 1995, the only times Bret has been given the powerbomb by Diesel. ___________________   Now, the main event, for the WWF Championship. The challenger is none other than Bret "the Hitman" Hart vs. the Champion, Diesel. He's Diesel powered, you know.   Blow-by-blow: Both Diesel and Bret untie a turnbuckle pad at the beginning of the match, Diesel was seemingly doing it to psych Bret out, but now that Bret did it too, not psyched out, I guess. Bret puts Diesel into the buckle, but Diesel comes back with a few knees and right hands. Bret goes to the outside, making Diesel chase him, and Diesel complies. He drops Bret on the guardrail, then rams him into the apron. Diesel chokes Bret with his boot, then gets back in the ring. Bret starts kicking Diesel in the knee, but Diesel hits him a few times, getting him to stop. He tosses Bret out of the ring, and whips him into the steps, then rams him into the post. Diesel gets a chair, and hits Bret with it. It has a padded cushion on it, so it's not too violent looking. Rather lame, at that. On the inside, Diesel clotheslines Bret and calls for the jackknife, but he can't get it, cause Bret holds onto his leg. Bret bites him, and rakes the nose of Diesel, while being on Diesel's back. He attacks Diesel's knee, and elbows it a few times. He jumps on it, while it's draped on the bottom rope, and applies the figure-four leglock. Diesel reaches the ropes, but now Bret tries to go for the SHARPSHOOTER. Diesel kicks Bret in the face, so that's the end of that, also, Bret's head hit the exposed turnbuckle as he fell back. Bret rams Diesel's knee into the post after avoiding a charge from Diesel, and Bret applies a leg grapevine, in which he uses a television cord to tie Diesel's leg around the ringpost. Smooth move. Bret clotheslines Diesel from the top rope, cause Diesel can't avoid it. Bret goes to get a chair, but Diesel gives him a big boot. Diesel can't reach the chair, though, so Bret gets to take a few shots at him, to the back and to the knee. Bret gives him an elbowdrop and backbreaker, then goes up top with the chair. He gets crotched though, and slammed off by Diesel. Diesel unties himself, then chokes Bret with the cord. Diesel gives Bret a sidewalk slam, then whips Bret into the exposed buckle, while Bret runs 100 mph into the post. Diesel's selling the leg well, by limping of course, and he jumps on Bret with Bret draped over the 2nd rope. Diesel limps to the corner and gives Bret SNAKE EYES, then tries it again at the exposed buckle, but Bret rams Diesel into the buckle instead. Bret gets a clothesline for 2, and a bulldog from the top rope for 2. A russian legsweep gets 2, and then, he clotheslines Diesel over the top rope. Bret misses a plancha, and when Bret tries to get into the ring from the ring apron, Diesel pushes him off of it and through the Spanish announce table. Back in, and Diesel goes for the jackknife...but he can't pick Bret up. Obviously, Bret feels like a sack of shit. Well, Bret's FAKING INJURY, and rolls Diesel up for the win and his THIRD WWF TITLE, at 24:32.   Diesel's really pissed off about that, so he jackknifes Bret after the match. He hits all the officials that run in, and jackknifes Bret a second time. He tosses the belt to Bret, and yells, "I'M BACK!" Sure you are.   Match Analysis: I really liked the psychology of the match and Diesel's selling, but it started out awfully slow. Is it as good as Flair/Vader? No, I don't think that it is. I liked Diesel's match with Shawn at a later IYH more than this, so this isn't his best, IMO. Well, Flair vs. Vader is my standard for ****1/2 matches, so everything has to be as good or better than that to get a rating above, so I'll go a rung lower and give it ****1/4. I have the Bret DVD, but for some reason, I've never watched it. Dunno why, really.   Show's over. ___________________   Rating: Excellent. I might catch flack for this, but this is one of the best WWF PPV's, from top to bottom. Lot of action, although there were a lot of shitty gimmicks too. I know how shitty the "New Generation" was, but with in-ring quality like this, a majority of the shows are at least worth a look see. By majority, I don't mean a show like King of the Ring '95.   Best Match: Bret Hart vs. Diesel.   Worst Match: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Goldust. Sucked the meat missile, I'm afraid.   Loudest Sound: HBK, Razor Ramon, the 1-2-3 Kid and the Undertaker.   No Sound: Almost the entirety of the women in their match, and Bob Holly. Poor Bob. ___________________   Anyway, PTW has to come soon. Don't know when, but soon.
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Review: Shorties Section from the update of 11/14.

Shorties section, and the lineup looks different, to say the least. But FIRST, that Piper vs. Hogan match needs to be reviewed. So, here. ___________________   From The War to Settle the Score on February 18th from Madison Square Garden, which aired on MTV, it's Roddy Piper w/Bob Orton against Hulk Hogan w/Cyndi Lauper & Captain Lou Albano, for Hogan's WWF Title. Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund are on commentary.   Blow-by-blow: Bagpipes play as Piper makes his way to the ring, and BOB COSTAS (you wouldn't see this now) introduces both Piper and Hogan. Piper breaks a guitar before the match, to let everyone know what he thinks of rock and roll music. Piper then does the Snuka "I love you" thing, obviously making fun of the Superfly. Hogan's well known "Real American" music is dubbed in. I'm sure of it. Hogan shakes Mr. T's hand before the bout, and we'll see why in a little bit. Piper tears his shirt off and throws it into the crowd, and once someone grabs the shirt, a couple people fight over it. Real mature. Both wrestlers brawl at the beginning of the match, and Hogan gives Piper a back elbow after getting the better of the fight. Hogan slams Piper twice, and then elbowdrops him. Hogan bites Piper, as I notice that Hogan has a lot more hair than I'm used to seeing him have. Piper clotheslines Hogan, and gets a 2 count. Piper double thrusts Hogan in the throat, and applies the sleeper. Hogan breaks the hold, after powering out and lowering his head while running into the buckle, putting Piper's head into the buckle. Orton gets up on the ring apron and chokes Hogan as the referee is distracted, but Hogan rams Orton's broken arm into the ringpost. Paul Orndorff makes his way to ringside, as Hogan gives Piper an atomic drop. Ref bump time as Piper pushes Hogan, so Orndorff comes in and stomps on Hogan, after which he gives Hogan a kneedrop from the top rope. Lauper gets up on the apron, so Orndorff and Piper stalk her, apparently acting like they're going to beat her up. Mr. T helps Lauper down, and gets in the ring. Crowd went nuts for that. Piper and Orndorff attack Mr. T, until Hogan finally gets up, and Hogan pulls the heels off T. And now, we see T and Hogan staredown Piper and Orndorff, giving away what the WrestleMania main event will be. The police come in the ring before the 4 can throwdown, at around 7:12. Hogan wants Piper and Orndorff now, but they don't oblige, walking to the back instead. Hogan wins the bout by DQ, but who cares about that. It's all about Mr. T getting involved, now. T, Hogan and Lauper celebrate, and that's it.   Match Analysis: *1/4, but how the match was wasn't really the point. It was just a vehicle to get Mr. T and Hogan vs. Piper and Orndorff set up. Anyway, I hadn't seen this before, and it was a fun watch. ___________________   From WrestleMania 2 in Chicago, we have a battle royal, and the participants are Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, Ted Arcidi, King Tonga, Hillbilly Jim, Big John Studd, Tony Atlas, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Danny Spivey, Pedro Morales, BRUNO Sammartino, the Iron Sheik, Jimbo Covert, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, Ernie Holmes, Harvey Martin, THE FRIDGE, and Andre the Giant.   This one really is impossible to review, unlike the one at the MSG show I reviewed a couple weeks ago. The total combined weight of the wrestlers involved...5,612 pounds. Yo. Order of elimination goes like this...Tonga, Covert, Holmes, Brunzell, Atlas, Morales, Martin, Arcidi (at this point, I notice that Fridge is wearing a thong. Gross.), Spivey, Blair and Hillbilly, Fralic, Sheik, Bruno, and then, it gets easier to review. Studd dumps Fridge, but Fridge pulls Studd out after a handshake. Bret, Francis, Neidhart and Andre are left, and a double dropkick by the Hart Foundation ties Andre up in the ropes, and then, Francis gets eliminated. Andre gives Bret a big boot, then rams the Harts heads into each other. Neidhart gets dumped, and then Andre press slams Bret to the floor, where he lands on Neidhart. Andre wins the battle royal, which was a given. 8/10, the uniqueness of having football players involved made it worth watching. ___________________   I've already said I'm a big WCW 1992-93 fan. Well, I am awaiting the next two matches. This match is from Superbrawl II in Milwaukee, it's CACTUS JACK vs. Ron Simmons. Huge Foley fan here, I don't care if people don't like him being on WWE programming now or in other recent times. I also don't know why people get all mad about things like that, but anyway. Jesse Ventura's commentary is intact.   Blow-by-blow: Simmons is supposed to be a babyface, well, he gets booed. They really love Cactus Jack, just hate Simmons, or weren't inclined to cheer for a black guy. Just sayin'. Cactus starts the match with an eye rake, but Simmons misses a charge into the corner. Cactus attempts to do the Cactus Clothesline, but does the spot where he hangs himself by his neck in the ropes. Impressive visual. Jesse whines about Simmons not helping Cactus out of his predicament, even though Simmons was doing exactly what Jesse wanted. Cactus tries to run into the crowd, and Simmons catches up to him and rams him into the guardrail. Simmons smashes Cactus' face into the canvas, and slams him on the inside. A Simmons legdrop gets 2, Cactus gives him an elbow afterward, and a clothesline. We see that the Junkyard Dog is in the crowd, as Cactus gives Simmons a double arm DDT. A Cactus legdrop gets 2, and he dumps Simmons. He slams Simmons on the outside, and goes up to the 2nd rope. YES! CACTUS ELBOW, no wonder this guy's body was so screwed up. Cactus chokes Simmons along the top rope, then Simmons misses a dropkick. Cactus goes to the chinlock, but gets belly-to-belly'd as Simmons begins his comeback. Simmons tries to dive onto Cactus, but flies onto the entrance ramp that WCW always had attached to the ring in those days. Cactus comes out after Simmons, but gets spinebustered by Simmons, on the ramp. Yeesh. Back in the ring, Cactus gives Simmons a bulldog, and goes up to the 2nd rope. Simmons catches him coming off the turnbuckle and powerslams him for the win, at 6:30.   After the match, ABDULLAH THE BUTCHER comes down the ramp, and into the ring. Things like this ARE why I liked WCW during that time period. It was ridiculous. Abby acts like he's going to hit Cactus with his staff, but instead, he hits Simmons with it. See, Simmons and Abby had teamed up a few times, after Cactus and Abby had a dispute about Abby being "electrocuted" at Halloween Havoc 1991. But now, Abby shows his true colors. Junkyard Dog decides to make his way to the ring, beating up security on the way. He saves Simmons from the beating, and gives Abby and Cactus a piece of their own medicine. JR says, "this is like fightin' in the hood." I really laughed at that one, but this time, didn't feel guilty about it.   Match Analysis: The angle after the match was awesome, so although the match wasn't spectacular, I'm glad WWE 24/7 stuck around to show us the angle. The match was **, and most of that is for Cactus' wild bumps. WCW was so over the top then that it was a joy to watch, and moreover, their tag team division was probably the best (workrate wise) there's ever been. ___________________   From Clash of the Champions XIX, as part of the Quarterfinals for the NWA Tag Team Championship, it's Terry Gordy and Dr. Death Steve Williams vs. Rick and Scott Steiner. The tournament finished up at Great American Bash '92, for those who are interested. By that I mean, the tournament took up the entire PPV, outside of a Sting/Vader match Awful, awful idea. The tournament had "representatives" from different countries. You know, to reinforce the concept of the NWA being a world organization, and all.   Blow-by-blow: Gordy and Rick start, and they trade amateur wrestling moves for about 6 or 7 minutes. If you don't like amateur wrestling, you won't like the match. Gordy tries a half crab during that sequence, and Rick gets to the ropes. Scott comes in and tries a belly-to-belly, but can't get it, as Gordy backdrops him instead. Scott tries to bridge out of the pinning attempt, but Gordy's so damn big that he just can't do it. Scott gives Gordy a t-bone suplex instead, and now, Dr. Death tags in. Williams takes Scott down, but they wind up in the ropes. Rick tags in and gives Williams a belly-to-belly, then takes him down. Williams slaps Rick across the face once he comes in, and gives him a huge lariat, which Rick sells with a backflip. Yeah, Rick Steiner just backflipped off a clothesline. I was surprised. Gordy comes in, and clotheslines Rick again for a 2 count. Rick gives Gordy a belly-to-belly on a counter move, then Scott tags in. Scott gives Gordy a backdrop and STEINERLINE, then does that front underhook suplex of his. It's not a powerbomb, he just drops the guy to the side. So, suplex. Scott misses a dropkick, so Gordy applies an STF. Terry lets go of the hold and tags in Williams, who sticks out his knee for Gordy to drop Scott Steiner on. Williams gives him a backbreaker for two, and takes out the leg of Scott. The left knee is the body part which is in pain in this match. Gordy tags in and gets a powerslam, before applying a leg grapevine. He breaks the hold and tags Williams in, who along with Gordy, gets in a 3 point stance and delivers a shoulderblock to Scott. Scott dropkicks Williams as his leg was being held, and tags in Rick. The referee doesn't see it, though. Rick lines Williams out, then brawls with Gordy. Afterward, he powerslams Williams, but the referee never saw the tag. Outside the ring, Scott Steiner gets chopblocked on his bad knee, and Rick's still brawling with Gordy. Williams gives Scott a press slam which turns into a powerslam for 2, and then Scott gets his leg taken out by Gordy as the referees back is turned, leading to the pinfall for Gordy and Williams at 15:13.   Match Analysis: Hate, hate, hate that finish. Always hated it. It came out of nowhere, just when the match was starting to get good. Hopefully the Beach Blast '92 match is better, and hopefully we get to see it soon. **3/4. IMO, that's pretty much the definition of a match that gets a 3/4. Something about the match has to be off (in this case, the finish) OR it has to be lacking that extra something to give it a boost. I think I've explained myself. ___________________   From Great American Bash 1997, it's Kevin Greene vs. Mongo McMichael w/Debra.   Blow-by-blow: JR said the match was bowling shoe ugly, well, we'll see. Greene sprints into the ring, and gives Mongo a forearm and clothesline. Mongo bails, and trips Greene, then smashes Greene's knee into the ring apron. He rubs Greene's face into the mat, and taunts Greene's mother, who's in the crowd. Mongo brings Greene over to his mother, who hits Mongo with her purse. I laughed. The crowd chants "MONGO," cause they're in Illinois and all. Mongo's a former Chicago Bear, see. Mongo kicks Greene in the ribs, and gives him a neckbreaker for 2. Greene gets a Thesz Press, but when he charges into Mongo again, Mongo gives him a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Greene gives him a 10 punch in the corner after a few rights, but is given an inverted atomic drop by Mongo. Mongo gets a dropkick for 2, and whips Greene hard into the buckle. He twists Greene's ankle, as Dusty slips in a Benoit reference during the match. Greene comes back with a dropkick, and goes to the top for a clothesline that gets 2, only 2 because Mongo's foot was on the bottom rope. Greene clotheslines him over the top rope, and gives him a bodyslam. Debra tries to show some skin in order to distract Greene, but that doesn't do anything. On the inside, Greene misses a charge towards the corner, so Mongo starts choking him. Jeff Jarrett comes down to the ring, and hits Mongo with the briefcase on accident. OOPS. Greene pins Mongo at 9:22, and gets the win.   Match Analysis: This is pretty much what led to Jarrett being kicked out of the Horsemen, in case you were wondering. JR's on crack. The match wasn't bad, it was probably the best singles match I've seen with Mongo involved. I'm dead serious. *3/4. ___________________   From Wrestlemania X7, the last match in the shorties section this month is The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin, for The Rock's WWF Title. The match is no disqualification.   Blow-by-blow: Austin's music is changed back from the Disturbed version, to the version we all know well. Bothers me a little. The Rock gets booed, as we know. I think all of us have seen this match. Austin misses a belt shot at the start of the match, and Thesz Presses the Rock. Austin with an elbowdrop, but as he runs the ropes again, Rock gives him a swinging neckbreaker. Both try for the Stunner, until Austin tosses the Rock out of the ring. And Rocky hit the floor HARD. They brawl into the crowd, and trade punches, before they come back to the ring. Austin's face gets rammed into the announce table, but he comes back with a clothesline. The crowd is so rabid for this match, words can't really describe it. Austin scrapes the face of Rocky with his knee brace, and on the inside, as Rocky's draped along the 2nd rope, Austin jumps on him and gets a 2 count. An Austin superplex gets two, and guys...we aren't even 5:00 into the bout yet. Austin takes the buckle pad off, but Rocky gives him a flying forearm. A belly-to-belly throw by the Rock gets 2, and then he clotheslines Austin over the top rope. He scares the referee away after ramming Austin into the table, but gets hit by the ring bell and blades. There's hardly any blood. The Rock climbs on the table, as if trying to get away, but falls through it. Back in, Austin tries to ram Rocky into the exposed turnbuckle, but he's unable to, so Austin gets a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Austin STOMPS A MUDHOLE WALKIN IT DRY on the Rock, but gets clotheslined after arguing with the ref for a bit. Finally, the ROCK rams Austin into the exposed turnbuckle, and returns the favor from earlier, hitting Austin with the ringbell. Now Austin's bleeding, as Rocky's cover gets a 2 count. Rocky beats Austin up, all the way around the ring. He elbows Austin twice, as Austin's on the apron. Austin fights back BAH GAWD, and slams Rocky on the barrier outside the ring. He slingshots Rocky into the post, and hits him with a television monitor. Now Rocky's bleeding, but I've got the feeling it was fake blood. He and Hebner were awfully close to each other after Rocky got hit with the monitor, and for a long time too. Plus, why would he blade twice when he has to shoot a movie? He wouldn't. On the inside, Rocky applies the SHARPSHOOTER. Well, they're going for WrestleMania 13 here. The visuals work. After, they do the same with Rocky caught in the SHARPSHOOTER, thanks to Austin. Funny little spot. Rocky gets out of the move, but Austin applies the SHARPSHOOTER again. Rocky gets to the ropes, but there's no DQ. So, Austin flips the bird at Hebner. Austin breaks the hold, and goes for the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM. Rocky does the spot where he kicks off the turnbuckle to put Austin in a pinning predicament, but only gets two. They're going for really obscure shit here, that the casual fan just isn't going to notice. I like that. Rocky gets the STONE COLD STUNNER for a 2 count, so Vince McMahon decides to grace us with his presence at ringside. An Austin spinebuster gets 2, so Rocky returns the favor with a spinebuster of his own, which leads to...THE PEOPLE'S ELBOWii! It only gets a 2 count though, because that dastardly Mr. McMahon pulled the Rock off during the count. Rock chases Vince, but as he gets back into the ring, he hits ROCK BOTTOM, thanks to Austin. Austin's cover only gets 2, so he tries the STUNNER. Can't get that, as Rocky pushes him into Hebner. Ref bump time. Austin gives Rock a lowblow, then holds the Rock for Vince to hit him with a chair, which he does. The first time I saw this match, live, I thought for sure that Vince would hit Austin. The ref's out for the count, but when he wakes up, Austin's cover gets 2. Rock gets a ROCK BOTTOM, but Vince distracts the official. Rocky punches Vince, but gets STUNNED as he turns around. His sell of the move is so ridiculous, but I like it. It gets a 2 COUNT, the crowd really thought the match was over. Austin gets handed a chair by Vince, but the single chairshot gets 2. He's thinking, "what does it take?" Finally, Austin says "fuck it," hits Rocky 16 TIMES with the chair, and pins him for the win at 28:07. The program shows Vince and Austin shaking hands, but not the beer drinking that comes afterward.   Match Analysis: It's the best WWF Title match ever. Do I need to say more? *****, and I liked the ending, contrary to what most people think. All the spots were well done, and fake blood doesn't bother me. After all, it's a fake sport. ___________________   For the shorties and Piper section over the whole month...   Rating: Great. Selection MAYBE could have been better, so no full rating. I would've liked to see something different than the William Perry thing. There was a lot to choose from.   Best Match: The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin. Duh.   Worst Match: Mr. T vs. Roddy Piper in a boxing match. This match was dogshit, so, when WrestleMania 2 gets reviewed, I'll review it.   Can't do loudest sound on this...kinda irrelevant. ___________________   Well, ECW will be up next. I want to do Survivor Series '95, but I have to wait.
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Review: WWF from Madison Square Garden, 12/28/90.

I looked on thehistoryofwwe.com, and saw that this card looked pretty good. So, here.   Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary. ___________________   The first match is Koko B. Ware vs. Black Bart...for whatever reason, I haven't seen Bart in the WWF before. Frankie, Koko's parrot, comes along with him.   Blow-by-blow: We start things up with a lock-up, and Bart attempts to knock Koko's head off with a punch, but misses. Koko takes Bart over with an armwringer, but Bart reaches the ropes. Koko applies a hammerlock, but again, Bart gets the ropes. Koko gives Bart two hiptosses and a dropkick, so Bart bails out of the ring. Bart wants a TEST OF STRENGTH, Koko complies, and in doing so, after winning the test of strength, steps on Bart's hand. Koko dropkicks him, but after a few right hands, Bart chokes Koko with his boot. Bart tosses Koko onto the top prope for 2, and applies the CHINLOCK. Bart gives Koko a knee to the gut for 2, and reapplies the CHINLOCK. Koko punches Bart in the head, and both men go down. Bart with a bodyslam, but he misses an elbowdrop. Koko can't slam him, and Bart falls on top for a 2 count. Bart misses a charge into the corner, and they begin the ending sequence. Koko gets a roll-up for a 2 count, and a suplex for 2. Then, Koko gets a small package for 2, but afterwards, Bart chokes him. He scratches Koko on the back, and Koko delivers a running headbutt to Bart. Koko with a missile dropkick and he gets a BRAINBUSTER for 3, at 10:08.   Match Analysis: I always thought the Ghostbuster was like an X-Factor, but a BRAINBUSTER? Wish I had known that before. Anyway, the match was **. Solid opener, probably as good as it could have been. ___________________   Next up, we have The Warlord vs. Jimmy "SUPERFLY" Snuka. I don't care for Jimmy's music. To make a simple observation, Snuka's fall from 1983 to 1990 was a hard one. From steel cages with Don Muraco to opening with the Warlord. Damn, he was 47 at this point. That's hard to believe, even though it's the truth. Explains a lot...   Blow-by-blow: Warlord attacks Snuka from behind, then chokes him, as the bell rings. Snuka's offense consists of chops and headbutts, just so you know what you're in for. That's what he does, and he also tries a crossbody here. He can't get that, as he's caught and slammed to the canvas by the Warlord. Warlord misses an elbowdrop, so Snuka headbutts him. Snuka brings the action toward the corner, and chops Warlord in the neck a few times. Unfortunately for Snuka, Warlord gives him an inverted atomic drop. THE SUPERFLY gets clotheslined, and choked by the Warlord. Warlord follows that with a boot to the head of Snuka that knocks Snuka out of the ring; Warlord joins Snuka on the outside and slams Snuka into the ringpost. Warlord suplexes Snuka back into the ring, and gives him an elbowdrop, which gets a 2 count. Warlord gives Snuka a bearhug, a move that will certainly affect my enjoyment of this match. It was going swell, until that. Anyhow, Snuka headbutts Warlord in order to break the hold, and gives him a headbutt off the top rope for 2. Standing headbutt, not diving. Snuka with more chops and headbutts, but Warlord catches him off an irish whip and hotshots him. Warlord chokes Snuka along the top rope at 8:29, and gets disqualified because he won't break the hold. That's one of the lamest finishes, ever. Anyway, Snuka chops Warlord out of the ring after the match. The end.   Match Analysis: That was probably one of the best one-on-one matches the Warlord has ever had. No, I'm not kidding, as it's surely the best one I'VE seen. *1/4.   After all that, the Gobbledygooker comes out and struts around ringside, after which he does a dosey-do with Howard Finkel. Ugh. ___________________   Here's what I was watching the show for, The Rockers vs. Power and Glory.   Blow-by-blow: Hercules is swinging the CHAIN in the ring, but one of the Rockers distracts him by attacking Roma, and it's on like Donkey Kong. The Rockers get the best of the brawl after a double superkick, and after Roma and Hercules huddle up, Roma starts the match with Jannetty. Roma rams Marty's head into the buckle, then Irish whips Marty into the ropes, at which point Marty tries a sunset flip. Roma tries to punch Marty, but misses, so his hand hits the canvas. Marty works his way around Roma, and tags Shawn. Shawn gives Roma an inverted atomic drop, then goes toward the turnbuckle for the 10 punch. Hercules tries to sneak up behind Shawn, but Shawn leaps off Roma and gives Hercules a crossbody. That was cool. Marty slingshots Shawn into both heels, and after they double superkick both heels, Power and Glory bail to the outside. The Rockers get booed a little, this being Madison Square Garden and all. Hercules comes in quickly with a clothesline, and kicks Shawn in the head. Power and Glory double team Shawn with the ref distracted, and afterwards while Shawn is running the ropes, Roma trips him. The heels double team Shawn again, then Hercules gives Shawn an elbow to the head. Roma beats up Shawn with the referee distracted, then Hercules misses a charge toward the corner. Marty tags in, and comes off the top rope with a double axhandle. Shawn tags in and does the same, and Hercules receives a double back elbow from the Rockers. Marty rams Herc's face into the canvas, then takes him over with an armdrag. Marty applies a short-arm scissor, as the Rockers begin to work over the arms of both their opponents. They armdrag Roma and Hercules a whole bunch, and after the last armdrag of that sequence, Shawn tags in as Marty gives Roma a droptoehold, and Shawn gives him an elbowdrop for 2. Shawn with another armdrag as he tags in Marty, and they both work over Roma's arm, then chop him. Marty with the last armdrag of the match, and as Marty runs the ropes a bit after, Hercules clobbers him in the back of his head. Hercules tags in and rams Marty's head into the turnbuckle, then gives Roma a turn at doing the same. He can't though, and Marty clotheslines him while coming out of the corner. Shawn tags in, and gives Roma a back elbow. While running the ropes, Hercules pulls down the top rope, which sends Shawn to the outside. I've noticed that Power and Glory are both fond of those sorts of spots. Roma rams Shawn's back into the apron after Hercules distracts the referee, and for whatever reason, the crowd isn't particularly fond of this match. I don't know why, it's really good. Roma gives Shawn a bodyslam outside the ring, then on the inside, Hercules whips Shawn into the buckle, and Shawn goes upside down. Hercules poses, and then gives Shawn a bearhug. Shawn won't quit, but Herc brings him toward his corner. Guess he wants to beat him into submission, harharhar. Hercules sets Shawn on the top rope for either a superplex or POWERPLEX, but as he goes up, the 2nd rope breaks. Dunno whether that was intentional or not. It's BIZAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRE. Hot tag Marty, and Marty gives Roma a back elbow and kneelift. Roma misses a charge toward Marty, and a Marty clothesline gets 2. Hercules tosses Shawn out, and Marty gives Hercules a small package. Roma turns it over to put Herc on top, and then Shawn does the same to put Marty on top. The Rockers get a 2 count, then double slam Hercules. The Rockers get a ROCKET LAUNCHER, but during the count, the bell rings, at 21:16. It's a timelimit draw. Boo. Both teams fight after the bell, but Power and Glory retreat. They throw a few chairs into the ring, but the Rockers avoid them, then sit down in them   Match Analysis: Very, very good. Not as good as Rockers/Orient Express from Rumble '91, but still good. ***1/4, and I added a 1/4 because the rope fell off. Just because I can, and it was definitely good enough to warrant it. The fans should have been ashamed, there was little pop for a very good match. ___________________   Here's a pissbreak match, Greg Valentine w/Jimmy Hart vs. Saba Simba. HEY, THAT'S TONY ATLAS!   Blow-by-blow: What fool wouldn't know it was Tony in the first place? I think the internet rumor about that being the reason Saba Simba didn't last long is bunk. Atlas is one of the worst wrestlers I've ever seen. Anyway, Simba pushes Valentine to the canvas, and armdrags him. Valentine chops Simba, but misses an elbowdrop. Simba chops back, and gives Valentine an UGLY heel kick. It was like Booker T's scissor kick, but Atlas just tapped Valentine with his heel and didn't go to the canvas. Awful. Valentine bails to the outside, and back inside, applies a chinlock. Simba gives Valentine a shoulderblock, but afterwards, is dumped to the outside. Simba comes back in the ring quickly, and clotheslines Valentine. The Hammer regains control, and works on Simba's leg. He tries to slam Simba, but can't. Simba is already blown up, 5 minutes in, if that at all. Just terrible. Valentine goes to a sloppy bow-and-arrow, which confirms my suspicion. Simba is just lying there. Valentine goes for the figure-four, but Simba kicks him away. Out of respect for Atlas, I call him Simba. It's easier to type than Atlas, for some reason. Valentine gives Simba an elbow, and a fistdrop for 2. Simba chops Valentine, then rams his head into 3 turnbuckles. Valentine gets headbutted, and after the two combatants lock up, Valentine pushes the referee for some reason. So, Simba wins by DQ, at 8:28. Valentine holds Simba in place for Jimmy Hart to hit Simba with the guitar, but instead, he hits Valentine on accident. I think Valentine was bleeding before the guitar shot, but anyhow...Valentine's pissed off. Hart begs Greg not to hit him, then runs away. This was probably the loudest part of the entire show.   Match Analysis: Awful. -1/2*. I almost started crying. Like I said, Atlas is one of the worst wrestlers I've ever seen. Valentine could have had a better match with El Gigante. ___________________   It's Hulk Hogan and Tugboat against Earthquake and Dino Bravo w/Jimmy Hart. I don't know why they had to bring Tugboat and Bravo into the mix during the Hogan/Quake program, but anyway. I hated Bravo, and still can't stand watching him.   Blow-by-blow: Hogan and Bravo start the match, and they both push each other into the corner. Hogan gets a backdrop and atomic drop, then both Hogan and Tugboat beat Bravo up. Tugboat tags in, and the babyfaces give Bravo a double back elbow. Hogan tags in, with a double axhandle off the top rope. He gives Bravo a rake to the eyes, and rams him into the buckle, tagging Tugboat in. Double big boot is on the menu for Bravo, which puts Bravo outside, but Bravo comes back in with a boot of his own. After an inverted atomic drop, Earthquake tags in. Earthquake misses an elbowdrop, so Hogan tags back in. Right hands for Quake follow, and Bravo gets slammed. Then Quake gets slammed, and clotheslined. HULKAMANIA'S RUNNIN' WILD BROTHER. Tugboat tags in, and avalanches Quake. A clothesline follows, but as 'Boat is about to do another, Bravo hits him with Hart's megaphone. Earthquake tags Bravo, and Bravo's pin gets a 2 count. Bravo spits on Hogan, then tags in Quake. Bravo and Quake clothesline Tugboat after Earthquake tags in, and a big splash by Quake gets 2, only cause Hogan broke up the pin. Quake goes to the chinlock, but that doesn't last long, thankfully. Earthquake takes Tugboat down, and tags in Bravo. Fake hot tag follows (you know, where the ref is distracted and doesn't see the tag), so Quake and Bravo give Tugboat a double slam. It's time for the ASS SPLASH, but Hogan gives Quake a clothesline as Quake was running the ropes. Tag Hogan, and Bravo follows, as Hogan goes into his routine, after the big boot, he rolls Bravo up for the 3 count at 9:19. Strange finish, isn't it. Tugboat and Hogan pose for a while, and then, out of nowhere, Earthquake comes back to the ring, and hits Hogan with a chair; at the same time, Jimmy Hart throws chalk into the eyes of Tugboat. Quake gives Hogan an ASS SPLASH, and Hogan's down for the count. He won't do a stretcher job, though, so Tugboat helps him to the back. Hogan's a man's man.   Match Analysis: Short and inoffensive, *. That was as good as we could have hoped for. ___________________   Ted DiBiase had knee surgery, so Virgil will take his place in this bout against the Texas Tornado.   Blow-by-blow: Kerry's so strung out it's ridiculous. He never met a drug he didn't like. Virgil sends Kerry outside after a few clubbing blows to the back, and then rams him into the stairs. Tornado blocks a right hand, and hiptosses Virgil out. Into the stairs Virgil goes, and Virgil doesn't come into the ring for about 2 minutes. Goodness. Tornado makes him come in, and then tosses him into the buckle, where he misses a charge. Virgil applies an armbar, and rakes Kerry in the eyes. Kerry gets two clotheslines and a backdrop, so Virgil begs for forgiveness. Kerry gets a suplex and another backdrop, which leads to a Boston Crab. The CLAW follows, but Virgil makes the ropes. Kerry finishes the match with the DISCUSCUSCUSCUS punch at 7:55. After the match, Virgil offers to shake Kerry's hand, and Kerry shakes it.   Match Analysis: Not good at all. -1/2*. I'll never watch that match again, under any circumstances. Same level of suck as the Valentine/Simba match, hence the rating.   Jimmy Hart comes to the ring, and says Honky Tonk Man challenges Valentine to a match at the next MSG show. Well, Honky left the company, so it never happened. ___________________   In a seemingly impromptu partnership, Dusty Rhodes and Jim Duggan face Sgt. Slaughter and General Adnan.   Blow-by-blow: Dusty's in the worst shape of his entire wrestling career, up to that point anyway. He really let himself go. Slaughter tries to grab Duggan's 2x4, but isn't able to. Dusty elbows Slaughter, and tags in Duggan. HOOOOOOOO, then he whips Slaughter into the corner, where Slaughter does that thing where he rams himself into the steel ringpost, catapulting himself to the floor. Adnan and Slaughter huddle up, and on the inside, Slaughter gets headbutted by Duggan. Guess their strategy didn't work. Duggan rams Slaughter's head into the turnbuckle, and Dusty tags in, and gets FUNKY LIKE A MONKEY JACK. Double punch on Slaughter, and Duggan comes back in. Duggan gives Slaughter a shoulderblock, and Adnan attempts to trip Duggan on an Irish whip. He doesn't, but Slaughter clotheslines Duggan over the top rope anyway. Adnan rams Duggan into the steel post, and Slaughter rams Duggan into the steps. Poor guy. Adnan tags in on the inside, and applies a HEAD VICE. That's no CRANIUM CRUSH. He rams Hacksaw into the buckle, and tags in Slaughter. Slaughter gets a backbreaker for 2, and a kneedrop for 2. He goes up top, but misses with a kneedrop. Dusty Rhodes tags in, and he has elbows for Slaughter. The babyfaces take turns beating up Slaughter, but Dusty misses a charge toward the turnbuckle. Slaughter elbows him, and applies the CAMEL CLUTCH. Duggan breaks it up, so Adnan sneaks around the outside of the ring and nails Duggan with the Iraqi flag. Duggan chases Adnan to the back, meanwhile, Slaughter applies the CAMEL CLUTCH, and it's over at 9:10. Slaughter keeps the hold applied after the bell, until Duggan chases him away. Poor Dusty.   Match Analysis: Nothing special. Is it wrong of me to say that I sorta enjoyed Slaughter in the "traitor heel" role? It probably is, but I don't care. I liked seeing Hogan beat him up, too. 1/2* ___________________   Now, we have a dream match of mine. Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. Mr. Perfect for Perfect's Intercontinental Title. YES!!!   Blow-by-blow: Piper tosses his kilt at Perfect, then does the same with his shirt. The wrestlers go nose-to-nose with one another, until Roddy spits at Perfect. HERE WE GO, as Bobby Heenan would say. Perfect goes behind Piper, and Piper kicks him in the nuts. I love Piper in this cheating role, only he and a select few others, namely Eddie Guerrero, could pull it off. But when Eddie did it, it was comedy a lot of the time. When Piper does it, it's serious. Both men chop each other, and Piper chops Perfect out onto the announce table. The announce tables were situated up against the ring then, and they didn't break. Piper pulls Perfect in by the hair, and beels him. A slap to the face follows, and Perfect tries to go low. DOWN LOW. Piper blocks it, and throws Perfect out of the ring. Perfect oversells everything, but not to the point of ridiculousness. Piper puts Perfect into the guardrail, and hits him with a chair. I don't think that was in the plans, no sir. Perfect's ring attire is torn, and Piper tosses him into the ring by the remnants of it. Piper pokes Perfect in the eye, and hits him with a right hand for 2. A double clothesline follows, and both men are out. Perfect pulls off the turnbuckle pad once he gets up, and rams Piper into the exposed buckle. He's still woozy, so Perfect only gets a 2 count once he wakes up. Perfect goes for a FIELD GOAL, and it's good, twice. He laid into Piper with those kicks. Perfect gives Piper a standing dropkick, so they brawl on the outside. Gorilla's been surprisingly unbiased tonight, and it stays the same, even though Perfect hits Piper with a chair. Eye for an eye, one for one. Perfect goes for the sleeper, and gets a few 2 counts out of it. Once Piper powers out, he chin checks Perfect. Meaning that he grabbed Perfect by the head, and rammed the chin of Perfect into the top of his head. Perfect goes for a suplex after regaining control, but Piper falls on top of Perfect for a 2 count. Perfect gets a small package for 2, then both wrestlers trade kneelifts. Perfect goes for the PERFECTPLEX after a clothesline, and Roddy kicks out at 2. You just knew he wasn't jobbing. Piper gets a roll-up for 2, and Perfect backdrops Piper to the outside. Perfect follows, then tosses Piper back in. He wastes a bit of time, then goes to the top rope, WITHOUT entering the ring first. Piper shakes the ropes, and Perfect falls to the outside. Now, the bell rings. Mr. Perfect has been counted out at 12:38. Both men fight for control of the title, and Roddy is the one to get it. He swings the title at Perfect and misses, but he finally knocks Perfect out with the title. Piper then lies the title on the stomach of Perfect, as if to say, you can have it. For now.   Match Analysis: I wasn't disappointed. That match was FUN. **3/4. Definitely worth watching the show for. Piper's matches are fun when he has a foil that can make things believable. You stick him in there with a stiff, and it ain't gonna work. With Bad News Brown, although Bad News wasn't a stiff, it forced Piper to resort to "bad ass brawling tactics." He couldn't do his usual cheating thing, cause it wouldn't fit in with the way the match was supposed to go. That's why that feud didn't provide much in the way of great matches, whereas his matches with Bret and Perfect were very solid. They programmed around the circuit, and I bet a majority of the matches were fun. I bet the Flair vs. Piper blowoff at MSG a year later was fun too.   Anyway, that's the end of the show. Gorilla says the Ultimate Warrior and Randy Savage will fight each other in a cage on the 21st of January. I'd like to see that. ___________________   Rating: Above-average. (Excellent, great, good, above-average, decent, poor, bad, absolutely terrible) is the scale, and I needed to post it again so I don't have to look for it whenever I post a show. There was some awful stuff on this show, but the good outweighed it.   Best Match: Power and Glory vs. The Rockers   Worst Match: Greg Valentine vs. Saba Simba   Loudest Sound: When Valentine was going to turn on Jimmy Hart, and the heat during the Piper/Perfect match.   No Sound: Virgil and Saba Simba. The crowd just didn't care. ___________________   Nitro will be up next, then RAW.
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Review: Shorties Section from the update of 11/1.

I'm really amped for this set of matches. I've never seen Vader/Flair.   Again, in chronological order... ___________________   From March 1st, 1976, it's "The Big Cat" Ernie Ladd vs. Bruno Sammartino, for the WWWF Championship. Of course, Bruno's the champ. On this same show, Ric Flair made his MSG debut.   Blow-by-blow: Ladd played at Grambling, and for the Chargers in the AFL, so it fits with the football theme 24/7 has goin' on. Ladd's gigantic. One of the biggest wrestlers I've ever seen. Bruno armdrags Ladd twice, but during the armbar that occurs after each armdrag, Ladd winds up in the ropes. Ladd grabs onto a bearhug and gets a few 2 counts as Bruno's down on the mat, while cheating by putting his feet on the ropes. The official sees the cheating each time, so Ladd breaks the hold, then hipblocks Bruno. Ladd chokes Bruno while shielding the actual choke from the ref, and once the official finally catches him, he hits Bruno in the throat 3 times. Bruno comes back and knocks Ladd over the top rope with a few punches, and Bruno chokes Ladd with his boot. Wait a sec. Isn't Ladd the heel? Strange to see a babyface resort to those tactics in that era... Bruno with a backdrop (Ladd looks funny doing the front flip over. His legs are HIGH in the air. Think Andre.), and Bruno rams Ladd's face into the mat. Ladd grabs a foreign object out of his trunks, and continually hits Bruno with it. Ladd football tackles Bruno twice, then gives him two legdrops. Ladd slams Bruno and heads up to the top rope. He misses a big splash, and gets pinned at 10:19. Apparently the match is clipped, because the announcer said 11:25. I don't believe it, though.   Match Analysis: The rating scale is different for matches that take place pre-1980. For me, anyway. Of course, most would say this match was a DUD. No. *3/4. The ending docks 1/4. Wrestling was different then, so my ratings should be too. The ending came out of nowhere, and I really didn't like it. Prior to that, it was solid. ___________________   I'm not reviewing the Pillman match. Let me explain why.   1. I don't like Stampede Wrestling. The camera makes me nauseous. I don't know why. To some of you, that probably makes me a bad person.   2. It's a 6 man tag, in a promotion in which I don't know the participants. Automatic grounds for a non-review. Sorry. I might come back and do the review in the next week or two, but I doubt it. ___________________   The next match is from Wrestlemania XI, and it's Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow. Yes, I'm saving Vader/Flair for last, and this is exactly how I watched them. Taylor brought a bunch of linebackers with him, and Bigelow brought the Million Dollar Corporation. Pat Patterson's the special referee, and Jim Ross enlightens us with the fact that Patterson trained LT. No, not on the actual match broadcast. He would've been taken out back and shot had he said that. I'm one to assume that the reason Patterson is the ref IS because he trained LT. That's why there are special referees in a lot of these celebrity matches, see. That's a guess.   Blow-by-blow: Bam Bam shoves LT, and LT slaps him. LT gives a flying fist to the face of Bam Bam, and he clotheslines Bam Bam over the top rope. Bam Bam misses a charge, and LT gets a bulldog for 2. You know they've shown too many highlight clips of this match when I can remember every spot and I've only seen the match once before this. And I mean, I can remember every spot, exactly as it takes place. Ring position and all. Bam Bam comes back in, and gets hiptossed right back out. The linebackers and the Corporation mix things up, although they don't fight, and Bam Bam takes control. Bam Bam headbutts LT and bodyslams him, then LT gets raked in the eyes. LT is really good at acting like it's a real match. It's sorta business exposing, but he fights with Bigelow for every single move. Even on punches. Bam Bam goes for a Boston crab and gets it, but his weight makes it so that he has to go to a half crab. He can't stay in a squat position for a long period of time, obviously. Bam Bam pulls LT away from the ropes, and applies a variation of the indian deathlock. LT makes the ropes and Bam Bam applies a headlock, but LT back suplexes him out of it. That's an awfully dangerous move for someone with little-to-no wrestling experience to be trying. Bam Bam headbutts Taylor twice, then gives him a legdrop and his (strange looking) moonsault for a one count, only a one count because Bam Bam sold the knee and couldn't cover LT. LT with a gutwrench suplex that looked blown, like he was going to powerbomb or piledrive Bam Bam. Bam Bam with an enziguri and a headbutt, and he goes up top for a DIVING headbutt that gets a 2 count. LT with some shoulder charges in the buckle, then he goes up to the 2nd rope and hits Bigelow with a flying punch for the 3 count at 11:43. DiBiase's embarassed, cause Bigelow got beat by a football player.   Match Analysis: I don't know why Bigelow agreed to do the job. Personally, I would have had it written into my contract that I'd have a run as champion, honestly. If such a thing could occur, but Vince would probably have changed the name of the title. Bigelow should be embarassed, and the WWF should have been too. The pop for LT's win was embarassing. Non-existant, at that. **. ___________________   From Nitro, on the night of July 6th, 1998, we have one of the dumbest business decisions in the history of this country...yes, I said this country, not just the wrestling business; it's Goldberg vs the champ, HOLLYWOOD HOGAN BROTHER, for the WCW Heavyweight Championship. Goldberg beat Scott Hall earlier in the night, so he's "107-0." Apparently JR officiated one of Goldberg's high school football games. That's neat.   Blow-by-blow: So, during Hogan's entrance, he says "he's going to kick GOLDBERG'S......(long pause) BUTT." Watch the clip, and you'll laugh. Hogan also looks like he's wearing a sock on his head. Goldberg starts off with a headlock and shoulderblock, then Hogan grabs onto Goldberg with a front facelock. The TEST OF STRENGTH follows, and Goldberg wins. Hogan gets to the ropes and begins to SCRATCH THE BACK of Goldberg, then he breaks out his weightlifting belt and hits Goldberg with it twice. Goldberg steals the belt, then throws it out of the ring. Goldberg doesn't need that shit. Goldberg applies a full nelson, but Hogan lifts his leg back in order to kick Goldberg in the nuts. Hogan with a clothesline and chokehold, then a scoop slam. He misses an elbowdrop, and gets clotheslined. Hogan bails, and puts his belt back on. Hogan comes back in and dumps Goldberg to the floor, then tosses him into the guardrail. Hogan hits him with a chair three times (this is the kinda shit WCW did that makes no sense. They let this go at random, then disqualify someone for the same thing 20 minutes later.), and on the inside, Hogan slams Goldberg and DROPS THE FUCKING LEG twice. For some reason that again, makes no sense, Curt Hennig's on his way to the ring, when Hogan seemingly has the match in hand. Why? Anyway, Karl Malone and DDP follow, and Malone gives Hennig a good looking DIAMOND CUTTER at ringside. Goldberg kicks out of the cover by Hogan, SPEARS HIM, and looks mean for a little bit. Then, Goldberg JACKHAMMERS him for the pin at 8:12. The commentary in this match was really, REALLY good.   Match Analysis: Let's get the rating out of the way. *. Dumbest thing ever. Ever. Even more dumb is that these two NEVER headlined a PPV against one another. The most surprising thing...Hogan never got his job back, and he did this one CLEAN. If I'm wrong about him not getting his job back, correct me. I'm pretty sure that I'm right, though. When this Nitro gets posted, I'll ramble about this for a long time. Not now. ___________________   The last match I watched yesterday was from Starrcade '93, and it was Ric Flair vs. Big Van Vader, the WCW World Champion. Not the WCW International World Champion. I can't explain, because I have to keep people interested for when entire shows are posted, and not individual matches. That way, I'll be able to save my thoughts about the whole thing, and summarize it. It's a title match, and that DOES need to be noted, cause this was WCW. You never know unless you're told, and even then, you still don't know. Harley Race comes along with Vader, btw. If Flair does not win this match, he must retire.   A little note before the match, the commentary is awesome. AWESOME. Jesse Ventura's commentary is included, so that's a plus. WCW in 1992 and 1993 is also great. Pre-WWF 2000, find me a better workrate period in this country. Can you? I don't care what the haters say.   Blow-by-blow: Vader poses before the match, and the Flair chants start early. They lock-up twice, and each time, Vader tosses Flair across the ring. Flair bails and Vader chases, but that's what Flair wants. So Vader quits running, and calmly enters the ring. Vader headbutts him, and applies a knucklelock. Vader then slaps Flair and clotheslines him, and says, "FLAIR AIN'T MAN ENOUGH FOR THIS." I love Vader's running commentary of his own matches (all quotes from him will be capitalized, along with the usual stuff). There isn't enough of that going on in wrestling today. The fans are dead-ass quiet during Vader's offense. Not because he isn't over. But because they're scared shitless of him. Flair chops Vader, and Vader pushes him out of the way. Flair tries to run away, but Vader catches him and press slams him into the guardrail. The ring seems sorta large for WCW, I have to say. "WHO'S DA MAN," but Flair comes back and runs Vader into the ringpost on the outside. Harley Race gives Flair a big left hand, and Vader standing suplexes Flair into the ring, and then as Flair tries to bail, he does it again. Standing suplexes are when the suplex'er' doesn't go down to the canvas. Vader headbutts Flair, then beats him up with left and right hands. Vader whips Flair into the buckle and we have a Flair Flip, as he tumbles to the concrete floor after nearly colliding with a cameraman. Vader with a stiff LARIAT (yeah, "lariat" when it's stiff, clothesline when its not. duh), but Flair begins to chop him. Vader sells nothing, with a grin on his face. Gotta love him. Vader gives Flair a rough looking fall-down slam, and a clothesline from the 2nd rope. Vader then taunts the crowd, but I can't tell exactly what he said. He takes Flair down, then goes up to the 2nd rope and misses a big splash. Flair gives Vader three overhand flying chops, the 2nd of which didn't even touch Vader. At least he didn't sell it. The third one puts Vader down, and then Flair gives Vader a kneedrop. I'm loving this match. Vader comes back with a clothesline and superplex, after which, he screams, "WHO'S DA MAN." Flair's mouth is bloody, and I don't believe it to be of the blood capsule variety given the nature of Vader's work, so there. Vader misses a splash, unfortunately for Flair, he tries to run into Vader and Vader trucks him. Ouch. Harley stomps on the face of Flair outside the ring, then steps on Flair's throat. See, Harley and Flair had a cage match at Starrcade 1983, which was the first Starrcade. That was 10 years before this, and Flair took the title from Harley for the last time. Meaning that Race never got it back, obviously. So, the random attacks make sense. For a lot of reasons, that among them. Just a small part of a great story being told. In the ring, Vader misses an avalanche after a few chops from Flair. Flair chops him more, but this time, he gets avalanched. Harley tells Flair that "he should quit," and Vader grabs onto that knucklelock again. Flair puts Vader down again with left hands, right hands and some chops, and somewhere in this sequence, Vader's mask comes off. It looks like Vader's having that problem with his eye again. It's not coming out like during that Hansen match, but it's really swollen. After a bit, he starts bleeding from above the eye, probably because Flair potatoed him. Well, Vader did it to Flair, so...Flair rams Vader's left leg into the ringpost, and grabs a chair. Harley's distracting the ref because he has a look on this face that leads the referee to believe Harley's going to punch Flair, and Flair hits Vader with the chair on Vader's left leg, and then onto the head. Back inside, Flair bites Vader, jumps on Vader's left leg, and attempts to apply the FIGURE-FOUR. Vader kicks Flair away from him, though, and tries to go up for the VADER BOMB. Unfortunately for him, he misses. Flair locks on the FIGURE-FOUR, and Harley jumps onto the ring apron. See, kids, this is what a manager is supposed to be. He doesn't steal the heat, he makes people hate VADER more. Not so much himself. Vader reaches the ropes and gives Flair a big boot and elbow to the gut, as he goes up for the MOONSAULT. Holy freaking fuck, he misses and Flair tries to cover him, so Harley goes up top and misses a diving headbutt. OLD MEN ARE FLYING!!!! The referee shoves Race out of the ring, and the crowd goes nuts. Anyway, Flair gets a flying forearm and Vader trucks Flair again, but this time, Vader comes up a little woozy, presumably from Race's headbutt, trips over Flair, and gets rolled up by Flair for what is announced as #11, at 21:09.   He still held the belt when the NWA left WCW, but the NWA stripped him. That's how he lost world titleholder status during that time.. Counting WWF Titles, this was number 14. By my count, others vary. Here are his title wins up to that point, over Dusty, Race, Race again, Kerry, Dusty, Garvin, Steamboat, Sting, WCW proclaimed him champ (+1), Fujinami, Royal Rumble, Savage, Windham, Vader. That's just my opinion. Others definitely vary. His loss to the Midnight Rider in Florida really doesn't count. Anyway...   Match Analysis: Perfect ending to a great match. It wouldn't have made sense to have Vader quit, so that finish is out. Flair can't retire, so that's out. Harley can't directly cost Vader the match, but he has to play a part, given the history he has with Flair. Vader can't get pinned on anything that doesn't look flukish, given his monster heel status. So, Flair trips him and pins him. Simple, right? Of course it is. ****1/2. Hard to give it full marks because it started sorta slow, but it REALLY picked up. Everything after the first, "WHO'S DA MAN" routine was GOLD. Schiavone's over dramatic commentary is too much. "HE PICKED HIM UP" or "HE'S GOT IT LOCKED IN" are staples of my childhood. It doesn't disappoint here. Tony sounds like he's truly afraid that Flair's going to die in there. For all those that say Flair always does the same match, have them watch this. And when it's over, tell them kindly..."no." ___________________   Rating will come when I review the next 5 matches that'll be posted in 2 weeks. The quality is abundant in this month's selection. IF my brother's here today, Survivor Series '90 will be next. If not, the NWA show will be. I can watch that with my mentally challenged cousin and he'll mark out for the duration.
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Review: WWF Survivor Series 1990, from Hartford, CT, 11/22/1990.

My brother didn't come home, but fuck it, I'm watching this anyway. ___________________   The intro to the show is great, as were most of the intros that Vince did the voiceovers on. His announcments of each participant and the team name are great.   Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper are on commentary, and Piper goes into a rant about how the Iraqis are going to pay. Remember, at the end, there's a match of Ultimate Survival. Of course, it involves all the Survivors. ___________________   The first match on this show is The Warriors (WWF Champ, the Ultimate Warrior, Intercontinental Champ Kerry Von Erich, and the Legion of Doom, Animal, and Hawk) vs. The Perfect Team (Mr. Perfect, Demolition Ax, Demolition Smash, and Demolition Crush), who are accompanied by Bobby Heenan and Mr. Fuji. Warrior's wearing a white title belt, which matches his attire later. He didn't wear different color belts because the WWF was afraid "he'd lose them." He wore them to match his attire. The babyfaces cut a promo before the match, and what is it with Warrior and sacrifices? You'd think the guy was a cannibal or something. His expressions during the promo are awful. Awfully funny, harharhar. The first man listed in each runthrough of the participants on each team is the "team captain."   Blow-by-blow: The heels all enter to Mr. Perfect's music, while the faces enter to their own individual music. Where's the equality? Animal and Smash starts, and Animal rams Smash into Hawk. All the faces take their turn beating up Smash, and Smash takes control somehow. Smash prevents a backdrop by Animal, and suplexes him. Perfect comes in and chops Animal, then Smash comes in and gets powerslammed by Animal. Perfect gets beaten up by everyone now, and Tornado and Ax come in. Tornado applies THE CLAW, but Smash breaks the hold up. Warrior tags in and shoulderblocks Ax, then flying shoulderblocks Ax and big splashes him for the pin at 3:22.   The Warrior dumps everyone out of the ring as the heels go on the attack, but Crush comes back in quickly with a clothesline. Smash is in with a backbreaker, and then he tags Crush in, who gives Warrior a flying kneedrop off the top rope. It only gets a 2 count, and Crush misses a charge into the corner. Hawk comes in along with Perfect, and Perfect gets choked. Hawk whips Perfect into the corner but Perfect trips over his own feet and blows the spot, so they repeat on the other side, which leads to Hawk missing a charge and ramming his shoulder into the ringpost. Crush comes in and works Hawk over, with the notable part of his offense being a backbreaker. See, Crush always sucked. Hawk comes back with a shoulderblock and flying clothesline from the top rope, but Smash breaks up the cover. Now LOD and Demolition brawl, and both teams are disqualified at 7:36.   Tornado and Warrior are left against Perfect, and Perfect begs for Warrior to tag out. Warrior does, and Perfect gets discus punched by Tornado. Supposedly he has a powerful right hand, at least that's what I heard. I don't know why Vince gave this guy a chance, he's not special in the ring, he can't talk, and he's a walking pharmacy. But he looks good. Well, I just answered my own question, didn't I? Warrior rams the heads of Heenan and Perfect together outside the ring, then tosses Heenan into the crowd. No wonder Heenan doesn't like him. On the inside, Perfect gives Tornado a kneelift. Perfect thumbs Kerry in the eye, and rams him into the exposed turnbuckle, which leads to a Perfectplex that eliminates Tornado at 11:00.   Perfect then gives one to Warrior, but Warrior kicks out of it. A Perfect dropkick gets a 2 count, and a clothesline does the same. Piper's not very good on commentary, he mostly rambles, but he says that there's a "lot of heat" here. He tries to cover it up a few seconds later by saying that the temperature in the building has risen, but we all know now that he screwed up. He screws up and says things he shouldn't a LOT throughout the show. Warrior starts his comeback, we all know the drill. Clothesline, clothesline, clothesline with Perfect's 360 sell, a flying shouldertackle and a big splash that gets the pinfall at 14:20.   Survivor: The Ultimate Warrior.   Match Analysis: It goes without saying that these matches are quickly paced. They have to be, cause there's no excuse for restholds in an 8 man elimination tag. Still wasn't very good, though. *3/4. ___________________   The next match is the Million Dollar Team (Ted DiBiase, Greg Valentine, Honky Tonk Man and a Mystery Partner) accompanied by Jimmy Hart and Virgil vs. The Dream Team (Dusty Rhodes, Koko B. Ware, and the Tag Team champs, Bret Hart, and Jim Neidhart). Ted DiBiase introduces the mystery partner and it's.....THE UNDERTAKER. His music had no gong to open it up. Brother Love is his manager, and I don't really care for that. He should have went solo. He doesn't walk slow enough to the ring yet, either. Bret lost this brother Dean before this event, so Piper says that Bret wanted to dedicate the match to him. Heel promo is first, and then...   Blow-by-blow: Taker starts things off with Bret (heh), and Taker gives him a quick chokeslam as Bret is running. I don't think anyone really knew how to take that move yet. The Anvil comes in, but his shoulderblock doesn't do a thing to Taker. Taker slams him, and Koko comes in. Almost immediately, Koko gets TOMBSTONED at 1:43. Taker disposes of him like a child's diaper, meaning that he tosses him out of the ring.   Bret comes in along with DiBiase and after a DiBiase chop, Neidhart and Valentine tag in. Valentine gives the Anvil a high knee, then tags in Honky. Honky does nothing at all, and gets powerslammed by Neidhart for the pinfall at 4:22.   DiBiase comes in and is clotheslined by Neidhart, and finally, Dusty tags in. Elbows for DiBiase, and a dropkick(?). It didn't look too bad, surprisingly. He tags Neidhart in, and they both elbow DiBiase for a 2 count. A Neidhart suplex gets two, and then, Virgil trips him and Neidhart gets clotheslined by DiBiase at 5:55 for the pinfall.   Bret enters the ring with a few right hands, then Dusty comes in. Dusty does that 'juke and jive' punch thing, then Taker comes back in after a DiBiase clothesline. Taker gives Dusty a flying kick, and tags in Valentine. Bret tags in too, and as Taker's still in the ring after the tag, he chokes Bret. DiBiase comes in after a few Valentine kicks and is given an inverted atomic drop by Bret. DiBiase gives Bret a few elbows, and tags in Taker. Taker goes up to the top rope and gives Dusty a BIG double axehandle, leading to Dusty's elimination after the pin at 8:31.   It's 3 on 1 now, with Bret facing DiBiase, Valentine and Taker, as Brother Love's stomping A MUDHOLE, BAH GAWD in Dusty, on the outside. Dusty was dispatched in the same fashion as Koko, and I forgot to mention something. Dusty wasn't wearing polkadots, and he didn't look too pleased to even be involved with the event. Suck it up, bitch. Anyway, Dusty recovers from the beating and begins to put a whoop on Brother Love's ass, so Taker leaves the ring and brawls with Dusty to the back, being eliminated by countout, at 9:24. By brawl, I mean, he basically beat Dusty up.   Back inside, Valentine goes for the figure-four, but he gets rolled up and eliminated by Bret Hart at 10:00. That was quick.   The crowd's going batshit for Bret. Bret atomic drops DiBiase out of the ring, and planchas onto him. He punches DiBiase on the outside, and rams him into the ringpost. Back in the ring, he gives Ted some stiff European uppercuts. DiBiase rams Bret into the turnbuckle at about 100 mph, but it only gets 2. A Bret backslide gets 2, and on a whip, Bret trips over DiBiase. Bret plays possum, which makes me wrong about the WM 8 match being the first time.   I WAS WRONG.   There. I can admit it. He rolls DiBiase up for 2, and the entire crowd thought the match was over. They were into this sequence. Ted gets kneed on accident by Virgil, and Bret rolls him up again, but only gets 2. The fans bought it, again. Bret with a backbreaker and elbow from the 2nd rope for 2, but unfortunately, DiBiase reverses a crossbody for the 3 count at 13:59.   Survivor: The Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase.   Match Analysis: IMO, this probably was when the WWF realized they had something in Bret as a potential singles wrestler. Well, not when they realized, but when they saw that the fans were behind such an idea as well. Match is **1/4, but the Bret/DiBiase portion was awesome, as was the debut of Taker. ___________________   There's a promo for "The Main Event," which took place on the night after Survivor Series, although it was taped about a month before. The hyped match was the Ultimate Warrior vs. Ted DiBiase. ___________________   The third match on this Thanksgiving Night was The Vipers (Jake "the Snake" Roberts, Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka, Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty) vs. The Visionaries (Rick "the Model" Martel, The Warlord, Hercules, and Paul Roma), who were accompanied by Arrogance and Slick. Jake's got the "I'm blind in one eye" thing goin', and the Rockers just kick ass. Snuka's on more juice than anyone else on this show, or so it would seem. The guy is huge. The babyfaces cut a promo in the shower area, cause remember, that's Jake's thing, to keep the snake cool. When Power and Glory walk to the ring, presumably because of the strange nature of the entranceway, they look like badasses. Watch it, and you'll see. I thought they were cool when I rented tapes as a kid. I'm ashamed of that one.   Blow-by-blow: Piper calls Warlord a "walrus." Guess he doesn't like him. Warlord and Marty start, and Marty uses his speed to outsmart the Warlord. Marty tries three dropkicks, but they don't do anything to the big man. Marty sunset flips Warlord but can't bring him over, so Shawn runs in and dropkicks Warlord, but unfortunately, the move only gets a two count. Shawn tags in and gets a hiptoss after a cool looking reversal, and he follows with a dropkick and monkey flip. Martel tags in, and so does Jake, but Martel bails out in a HURRY. Roma comes in, and Jake grabs onto an armbar. Snuka tags in, and Roma punches him. But islanders have hard heads, so it doesn't affect the SUPERFLY. As deteriorated as he was here, I love him. Hercules comes in and shoulderblocks Snuka, but Snuka comes back with that chop that his opponent runs into, and the crowd loves it. Warlord tags in and slams Snuka, but Snuka comes back with a dropkick. Marty comes in, and gets bearhugged. You guys have no idea how hard it is to keep track of who's who in these matches, considering that guys have so many matching initials. Fact is, if I focused on typing, and typing alone while I was doing this, it'd only take me about 2 hours. Instead, it takes much longer. Like tonight, I was watching the Kings and Lakers game while typing this. Anyway, Marty mongolian chops the Warlord, but goes up for a crossbody and gets powerslammed by the Warlord for the 3 count at 5:18.   Shawn gives Warlord a frankensteiner (I feel like calling it that for now), and Jake tags in. A Jake clothesline does nothing, and a high knee does nothing. A second clothesline puts the Warlord down, and Shawn tags in and covers him for a 2 count. Warlord gets a huge backdrop on Shawn, and he tags in Hercules. Shawn does a 360 sell off a Herc clothesline, and Martel tags in. Martel gets a kneedrop and backbreaker which each get a two count, and Roma comes in. Roma whips Shawn into the buckle and Shawn goes upside down, and after that, Roma misses a charge into the corner. Snuka comes back in, and gets a flying forearm for a 2 count. Too bad for him though, he tries a crossbody and it gets reversed at 9:43 by Martel, as Martel was holding Snuka's tights. Sneaky little fellow.   Jake comes in and Martel runs away again, so Hercules comes in. Jake gets a kneelift, but he can't get the DDT. I don't know what it is, but Jake is off tonight. Well, I do know what it is, and so does everyone else. He was on a lot of shit. The Visionaries huddle up, and Martel clotheslines Jake from the ring apron, while Jake was unawares. Piper calls Martel a "cheap ass," and then immediately apologizes. Piper on live TV. Gotta love it. Roma slams Jake, but misses a fistdrop from the top rope. Shawn comes in with a back elbow and suplex, and an elbowdrop from the 2nd rope gets 2. It's decidedly uglier than the one he used later in his career. Shawn then gets an atomic drop and dropkick, until Hercules attacks him. Herc gets a press slam, and it's POWERPLEX TIME. Power and Glory hit that, and Shawn's gone at 15:18. In case you don't know, it's a Hercules superplex, and a Roma big splash. FWIW.   It's 4 on 1 now with Jake being the only good guy left, and he fights with Warlord. Well, Warlord gets a bearhug and after a while, Jake gets a DDT OUT OF NOWHERE on Warlord. The referee wasn't paying attention, so no count. Martel tries to spray Roberts with Arrogance, but he misses and Jake grabs Damien, his snake. He chases Martel to the back at 18:05, and Jake is counted out. HOWEVER, Rick Martel isn't counted out, because he wasn't the legal man. Therefore...   Survivors: Rick Martel, The Warlord, Hercules, and Paul Roma. That's the first time an entire team has survived, kids.   Match Analysis: Ran too long. Shawn can do no wrong though, he was excellent. The Warlord was in this match for WAY too long. *1/2. ___________________   A promo for Royal Rumble 1991 pops onto the screen, as we lead into...The Natural Disasters (Earthquake, Haku, Barbarian and Dino Bravo) accompanied by Jimmy Hart and Bobby Heenan vs. The Hulkamaniacs (Hulk Hogan, Big Bossman, Jim Duggan, and Tugboat). Tugboat's music is terrible. The babyfaces cut a promo first, and Tugboat's been spending too much time around Hulk. Mainly because he says "brother" after every sentence.   Blow-by-blow: It looks like Hogan got a haircut the day of the match...anyhow, a Hogan chant picks up almost immediately. Duggan and Haku start, and after Haku misses a springboard crossbody, Duggan clotheslines him a whole bunch and yells, HOOOOOOOOOOO. Duggan gets an UGLY backelbow and clothesline, and Bravo tags in. Bravo gets an inverted atomic drop, and Haku and Bossman enter. Bossman quickly gets the Bossman Slam, and that eliminates Haku at 3:15.   Heenan gets rammed into the turnbuckle by Bossman, but Barbarian regains control. He gets a suplex and slam, but he misses an elbowdrop from the 2nd rope. Duggan comes in and gets a backdrop, then Earthquake comes in. Earthquake rams Duggan into the buckle, and Duggan can't slam him. Duggan does 2 shoulderblocks, but on the third attempt, Jimmy Hart pulls down the top rope so Duggan flies out of the ring. Duggan chases Hart with the 2x4, and hits Earthquake with it at 6:04, so he's disqualified. Duggan is poof, gone.   Hogan's in and body slams for all, the 10 punch in the corner starts, but Earthquake powerslams him out. Bravo tags in and gets an elbow drop, but surprisingly, he gets rolled up in a small package at 7:59. He's gone.   I just noticed that the "mystery egg" hasn't been discussed at all. Thankfully. Piper says that "Hogan should get the hell out of the ring." Bossman attempts a crossbody, but doesn't bring Earthquake to the canvas. Hogan pushes Bossman on top of Quake, but the cover only gets 2. Earthquake gets 2 elbowdrops on Bossman, and that's enough to get the pinfall at 9:08.   Hogan gives Quake a big boot, and I've noticed that Tugboat hasn't even been in the ring. Hogan can't slam Quake, and Quake falls on him for a 2 count. Ok, by this point, it's safe to say that they need to take the match home. Quake misses a big splash and finally, Tugboat comes in. Tugboat and Earthquake take their brawl to the outside, and they both get counted out at 11:32.   Hogan and Barbarian are left, and Barbarian lands the ugliest piledriver ever. Gorilla and Piper both acknowledge that Hogan's head was never close to the canvas and landed on Barbarian's legs instead. Hogan should never have sold that. Barbarian gets a big boot, and a top rope clothesline for 2. NOW COMES THE HULK-UP. Three punches, big boot, DROP THE FUCKING LEG, and that's the end of the match at 14:49. Hogan grabs a fan's banner to celebrate, and he wipes his sweat on it before giving it back. What a guy. He poses for 3 minutes, and this part ends, and part two now begins.   Survivor: Hulk Hogan   Match Analysis: Junk. Shit. Crap. 1/2*. This match was everything I hate about wrestling. ___________________   The MACHO KING RANDY SAVAGE has an interview with Gene Okerlund in which he basically foreshadows his retirement. He says if he wins the title, he'll retire. Forever. He calls the Ultimate Warrior the Ultimate Chicken/turkey/loser. Savage is dressed like the guy from Mary Poppins, so it's hard to take him seriously. ___________________   The next match is The Alliance (Nikolai Volkoff, Tito Santana, Butch, and Luke) vs. The Mercenaries (Sgt. Slaughter, Boris Zhukov, Sato, and Tanaka), accompanied by Mr. Fuji and General Adnan. Slaughter cuts a promo before the match, says Okerlund needs to stand at attention, and wonders what American soldiers had in their K-Ration on Thanksgiving. Piper gets all worked up about it, and I laughed. All the Mercenaries are wearing camo face paint.   Blow-by-blow: Zhukov and Butch start, the Bushwhackers give Zhukov a double clothesline, and Tito tags in and gives Zhukov the flying forearm, and gets the pinfall at 0:48. Lol.   Tito kicks Sato, and Butch tags in. The Bushwhackers almost immediately give Sato the battering ram, eliminating Sato at 1:47.   Tanaka misses a big splash, and gets eliminated by the flying forearm of Santana at 2:10.   Volkoff comes in and gets elbowdropped by Slaughter four times, cause remember, Slaughter's the only Mercenary left. He rams Volkoff into the turnbuckle while Adnan screams at him in whatever language he uses, and Slaughter gets a dropkick. Oddly enough, while 3 elbowdrops can't finish Volkoff, only one does a bit later, and Volkoff's gone at 5:24.   Butch comes in and both the Bushwhackers slam Slaughter, after Luke tags in. A double clothesline gets two, and then Luke goes up, but eats knees on a splash attempt. Slaughter gives Luke a chestbreaker, and Luke's gone at 6:30.   Butch comes in and gets clotheslined by Slaughter at 6:54. Quick eliminations here...   Tito and Slaughter are left, and Tito gives Slaughter a dropkick. He can't monkey flip Slaughter though, so Slaughter gets a neckbreaker for 2. A Slaughter backbreaker gets 2, and Sarge follows it up with a suplex. Slaughter rams Tito into the ref, and Adnan comes in with the Iraqi flag. He rams it into the stomach of Santana after Tito's flying forearm on Slaughter, and then, Slaughter applies the camel clutch. The referee wakes up, though, and disqualifies Slaughter at 10:47 for use of the flag. The referee was down, but he was watching the action, see.   Survivor: Tito Santana   Match Analysis: 1/4*. At least it ended quickly. ___________________   Sean Mooney is with the Visionaries and Ted DiBiase for their promo before the Ultimate Survival match, but first, we have to reveal what's inside the mystery egg. For some reason, DiBiase had blood in his mouth. ___________________   Anyway, yeah, inside the mystery egg, it's the Gobbledygooker. The Gooker's one of the dumbest things ever to happen in wrestling, and the only thing that is definitely worse, IMO, was the WCW "shoot" angles in 2000. I wonder, though, was Gooker supposed to work matches? That would have been ridiculous. Whoever thought of this should have been shot. Or fired. The crowd shit all over it, though. ___________________ The last match tonight, is the match OF ULTIMATE SURVIVAL. On one team, it's Tito Santana, the Ultimate Warrior, and Hulk Hogan. On the other team, it's Ted DiBiase, Rick Martel, the Warlord, Hercules, and Paul Roma w/Virgil and Slick. Warrior changed his attire and facepaint, and there aren't any team captains in this match. Hogan entered before the other two babyfaces. I don't think he was too happy about it, or so it looked. Warrior got NO pop.   Blow-by-blow: Almost immediately, a Santana flying forearm pins the Warlord. 0:28 was the time.   DiBiase comes in and gets a suplex. Tito gets a clothesline and backdrop but misses the flying forearm, and DiBiase hotshots him along the top rope for the pinfall at 1:51.   DiBiase gets a big boot on Hogan, then tags in Hercules. Herc rams Hogan's head into the buckle, and DiBiase comes back in with a few fistdrops. Tag Hercules, and Power and Glory go for the POWERPLEX, but it only gets a 2 count. Hogan gives Roma a lariat, and he's gone at 5:37. Seriously, that was a stiff clothesline. He treated Roma like a jobber...oh wait. He is one. LAWL.   Warrior finally tags in, and kicks Martel. Warrior with a backdrop and he goes to punch both heels that were standing in the corner. The ADRENALINE'S MOVIN' NOW, and Warrior slams Martel twice. He rams Martel's face into the mat, and tags in Hogan. Hogan clotheslines Martel over the top and out, but Martel's leaving. NOW THEY'LL HAVE TO IMPROVISE A NEW FINISH. Sorry, since I mentioned WCW 2000, I couldn't help it. Time of Martel being counted out was 7:17, btw.   DiBiase and Hercules are the only ones left of the heels, and Hogan slams DiBiase into the mat. Big boot, DROP THE FUCKING LEG, pin at 8:37.   Hercules is the only one left, Warrior clotheslines him, clothesline, clothesline, flying shouldertackle, big splash and the pinfall at 9:07. Warrior and Hogan toss Slick out of the ring, and that's it.   The Ultimate Survivors: The Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan.   A promo for the Royal Rumble wraps things up. All done.   Match Analysis: DUD. I'm glad they didn't do the Ultimate Survival thing again. The crowd couldn't have cared less. ___________________   Rating: Poor. Good for nostalgia, but in reality, it wasn't any good. I hate how the WWF didn't even use the early versions of this show to further angles. Outside of the one exception, the double turn with Demolition and the Powers of Pain. There have been much better shows. If not for the nostalgia, it would have been awful.   Best Match: The Million Dollar Team vs. The Dream Team. That's not saying a whole lot.   Worst Match: The match of ULTIMATE SURVIVAL.   Loudest Sound: Bret Hart during his comeback, and Demolition. Ax's last appearance in the WWF was a quick one.   No sound: Everyone in the Alliance vs. Mercenaries match (except for Slaughter), and Warrior later in the show.   I must say, I love the finishes at the Survivor Series. Guys getting pinned by elbowdrops? I know it's tough to book these matches, but they could do something better, couldn't they? ___________________   I don't know what I'm reviewing next, but it'll be up on Monday. Probably Prime Time Wrestling, cause I don't want it to disappear before I can write about it.
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Review: Roddy Piper Content Block

Yeah, I don't know what to call this. Hence the shitty title.       FINALLY, NEW CONTENT! ___________________   Just a synopsis of the 40-or so minute piece they posted...   Highlights from Piper's Pit.   Roddy Piper v. Jack Brisco for the Mid-Atlantic Title. Piper wins after hitting Brisco with a roll of pennies. Piper wanted 10,000 dollars to face Brisco in the first place, and Wahoo McDaniel and Ricky Steamboat each had to put up 2,000 dollars in order for it to be paid. David Crockett looks strange without graying hair and a beard. Very strange.   Now, the Frank Williams Piper's Pit. I think everyone's seen it a million times.   Then, the Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff vs. Hulk Hogan and Mr. T match from Wrestlemania I is shown in its entirety, but I'm not reviewing it. When they post WM I or post this in the shorties section, I'll review it. But not now, because I don't particularly review things in the HOF or DVD documentaries they show. I either summarize, or give my opinions of what's on screen. And I like Piper a LOT, I don't need to bore everyone with that. The ring's real bouncy, which is odd for WWF action. I'm not used to that when watching the WWF.   His Hall of Fame induction finishes, and now, to the matches that have been posted. ___________________   In chronological order...   First, we have Roddy Piper vs. Jake Roberts from Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling, and the match aired on 6/23/1982. Bob Caudle and Ricky Steamboat are on commentary. Not that I can't believe it, because I can, but it's so ODD to see these two facing off on a syndicated program in the 80's. Unreal.   Blow-by-blow: Roddy's wearing plaid, and it looks like Jake borrowed from Piper's future wardrobe. Meaning that Jake's wearing blue, like Piper did later on in his career. Jake starts off with an armdrag, and both guys trade hipblocks. Piper with some HARD chops to the chest of Jake, and he applies a front facelock. Both men trade chops before Piper rakes Jake in the eyes, and Jake comes to his feet with blood on his face. Piper with a back suplex, and somehow Jake's knee winds up on top of Piper for a 2 count. Jake with a sunset flip for 2, and Piper gets a kneelift for two. Piper reverses a Jake bodyslam attempt so Piper can apply the sleeper hold, but Jake makes it to the ropes. Piper misses a kneedrop and Jake gets a backdrop. Jake gets a kneelift of his own for two, and as Jake goes to run the ropes, Sgt. SLAUGHTER trips Jake up, so Jake wins by DQ at 6:54. Piper hits Jake from behind, and Steamboat comes in to stop the attack. Of course, Piper leaves.   Match Analysis: Bizarre. I bet that if you asked someone in 1982 which one of the guys involved in this match would be the WWF Champion later on down the line, not many would say that Sgt. Slaughter would be the guy. Strange to see a match from that era without someone involved being dead. Speaking of that, none of these three matches have a dead person as one of the participants. Not something one would expect to see, now. *3/4. ___________________   The next match took place on 7/13/1985 at Madison Square Garden, and it's Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff.   Blow-by-blow: Orndorff and Piper trade right hands as the bell rings, and both men go out to the floor. Orndorff rams Piper into the guardrail, and on the inside, leaps off the top rope with a standing elbow to the head of Piper. Piper slaps Orndorff as Orndorff has him in an armwringer, and Piper gains control by ramming Orndorff's head into the turnbuckle. Orndorff locks the arm of Piper around Orndorff's leg and wrenches it, but Piper gets a high knee and clothesline. Unfortunately, the camera gives us a not-so-nice look at Orndorff's ass, to the point where his ass takes up the whole screen. Couldn't the production truck move off that? Anyway, an Orndorff backslide gets two, and after the count, Piper dumps him to the outside. Piper rams Orndorff into the post, and brings him back in. He gives Orndorff a front facelock and then a headlock takeover, but Orndorff bridges out into a backslide. No count though, Piper's feet are in the ropes. They trade blows, and Orndorff crossbody's Piper out to the floor. I know Piper likes that spot a lot, I've seen him do it before. In the next match, for one. Orndorff rams Piper's head into the apron, then drapes him along the top rope as he slams Piper's head into the mat while pulling him back in. Piper sells it hilariously, as his body goes into shakes and tremors. Bob Orton hits the ring, and pushes Orndorff off the top rope. For some reason, the ref doesn't disqualify Piper. Orton hits Orndorff with the cast, and now the bell rings at 8:44. Orndorff is busted open, and Orton and Piper give him a double suplex. The BRITISH BULLDOGS (yeah, that was a WTF moment. I didn't expect THEM to hit the ring.) come out to save Orndorff, and eventually they get the better of Orton and Piper to the point where the two heels are forced to leave. Orndorff wins, but he doesn't look satisfied.   Match Analysis: Good for Piper in the WWF. His matches in the WWF, for the most part, aren't that entertaining. That's not why I like him to begin with, though. **. ___________________   The last match posted in this update is for the Intercontinental Championship. It's the challenger, Bret Hart vs. the champion, Rowdy Roddy Piper. From Wrestlemania VIII, of course. Heenan's commentary is great. On a re-review of a particular match, when they post it again, so to say, I'll cover the commentary much more. So, yeah, the review of this show will be different for this particular match.   Blow-by-blow: Thankfully, they show the pre-match promo. I'll review that when the whole event is posted. Bret's in his all pink attire, and I don't know who the referee is. Both men trade armdrags before Piper takes Bret down to the canvas. Piper has his arms locked around Bret, and Bret runs and ducks down so that Piper goes out under the top rope. Clever. Piper spits at Bret to establish that he'll be playing the heel tonight, then we have a test of strength. Piper chops Bret after they exchange armwringers, and he rams Bret into the turnbuckle. Piper chops him more, and Bret gets a running dropkick. Bret plays possum on the canvas, holding his shoulder, then rolls Piper up for a 2 count. I think that's the first time he did that in the WWF, I'm not sure though. Piper slaps him, and now IT'S ON. Bret crossbody's Piper to the floor (see what I said about Piper liking that spot) even though it took a while for both men to get to the floor, and Piper holds the ring ropes open so that Bret can come back in. What a guy. Piper makes the referee check Bret for weapons, and Piper slugs Bret in the face with his left hand as Bret's head is down, so obviously, Bret couldn't see him. Wink, wink. Bret blades off the punch (blading was a no-no at the time) and Piper rams his head into the buckle. Piper with a bulldog that gets two and a dropkick for 2, but Bret comes back with a sunset flip for 2. Piper with some lefts and rights for 2, then a Bret flying forearm puts Piper out of the ring. Piper comes back in and both men clothesline each other. Piper goes up to the top as Bret is playing possum AGAIN, and he drapes Piper's feet on the ropes, then rams his face into the canvas. Here comes the usual, Bret with a inverted atomic drop, suplex, russian leg sweep and backbreaker, but Piper blocks the SHARPSHOOTER. Bret goes up to the 2nd rope for his elbowdrop, but he eats Piper's boot on the way down. The two combatants trade punches from their knees (I was going to say "trade blows from their knees," but for some reason, I didn't. Hopefully you can make sense of it.) and Piper rams Bret into the referee. Piper clotheslines Bret out, then rams him into the steel steps. Piper grabs the ringbell, but thinks better of using it. Cause he's a good guy at heart, 'ya know? He tosses the bell out and puts Bret in a sleeper hold, but Bret kicks the turnbuckle pad in the corner, and the momentum puts Bret on top of Piper for the 3 count, and the win, at 13:50. I can't describe the finish any better than that, sorry. It was like Bret-Austin at Survivor Series 1996.   Match Analysis: I won't say too much, but this match is WAY underrated. I don't see what keeps this from being a great match, considering that most people don't put it in that category. It told a great story, and moreover, helped launch Bret on his push that culminated in him winning the WWF title later in the year. Would it have been the same had Bret beaten the Mountie (or insert mid-card heel here) at WM 8 to get the title back? No, of course it wouldn't have. ****1/4. One of my favorite matches. ___________________   Same as the Undertaker DVD. When the rest is posted later this month, a full rating will follow. I'll say this much though, what they've posted is definitely watchable. I didn't particularly enjoy the Wild Samoans stuff from last month.
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Undertaker DVD, Part 6.

Ok, I've had enough days of not doing any of these... ___________________   This match is from No Mercy 2002, and it's a Hell in a Cell match, featuring the WWE Champion Brock Lesnar w/Paul Heyman vs. The Undertaker. Remember, Taker has a broken hand.   Blow-by-blow: Taker swings his hand that's in a cast at Brock and Brock dodges him, then takes him down. Taker elbows Brock a few times, but a Brock powerslam gets 2. Brock charges into Taker, and Taker hits Brock in the gut with his cast. Brock bails out of the ring and Taker chases him, and Taker hits Brock in the head with the cast a few times, making Brock bleed. Quite a bit of blood, too. Taker rams Brock into the steps, then the Cell, and grates his face along the Cell. A cover on the outside gets a 2 count, and Taker torpedo tosses Brock into the Cell afterward. Taker does that legdrop where he sets the other wrestler up on the apron and runs down the apron to legdrop him, then goes up top. He clearly had 2nd thoughts about whatever he was going to do, as he comes down with a "something." I really don't know what it was. Taker kicks the Cell into Paul Heyman, and Heyman blades. Again, a lot of blood. Brock accidentally runs into Heyman, but Brock recovers and spinebusters Taker into the Cell, hard. Heyman hands Brock a belt, and Brock ties Taker up, against the Cell. Brock hits Taker in the back with a chair, and then hits the "broken" hand, repeatedly. The belt breaks, and Brock bites Taker on the hand. Back inside the ring, Brock rips the cast off. Brock does this thing where he swings on one of the Cell support beams like Tarzan and kicks Taker a few times. Taker hits Brock low, down low, then pushes him down into the ring. Taker with an elbowdrop into the ring off the top for a 2 count, and Taker kicks Brock into the Cell. Heyman screams out, "we're losing Brock" and he screams pretty much for the rest of the bout. It's funny. Taker dives out under the top rope onto Brock, and Brock gets up first, tossing Taker into the Cell. Brock throws the steel steps into Taker, and now Taker's bleeding. That's a LOT OF BLOOD, much more than that of the other two who are already bleeding. Brock throws the steps into Taker again, and we go back in the ring. A Brock spinebuster gets a 2 count, and Brock doesn't know what he needs to do in order to win. Taker goes up for OLD SCHOOL, but Brock armdrags him off the top rope. Brock goes for the F5, but Taker counters with a chokeslam for 2. Taker with an avalanche, and he goes for another, but Brock counters with a boot to the face. Brock gets backdropped on a BROCK LAST RIDE attempt, and a Taker running DDT gets 2. The LAST RIDE is countered again as Brock rams Taker into the buckle, and as Brock climbs the corner to punch Taker, Taker FINALLY gets the LAST RIDE. However, Brock grabs the ropes on the cover, so the next logical step is to TOMBSTONE him. Taker goes for the TOMBSTONE but Brock reverses it so that he's in TOMBSTONE position, and then Brock launches Taker into position for the F5, and gets the 3 count to retain his title at 27:15. Brock climbing up the Cell to celebrate is left out of the DVD program, so we'll stop there.   Match Analysis: In good conscience, no, this was not better than Taker's match with HHH at WM 17. But since I felt this match was ***1/4, I need to change the rating of the WM 17 match to ***1/2. It would only be fair. Not only that, this was the last great Hell in a Cell matches before they went to shit for a while. I don't remember whether or not the other ones after the 50 minute classic (sic) was better than this. Good for what it was, a brawl with a lot of blood. ___________________   The next match is from the first Smackdown only PPV, Vengeance 2003, and it's The Undertaker vs. John Cena.   Blow-by-blow: IMO, Cena is far better in this role. As a cocky heel that doesn't give a shit what other people think, that's what Cena does best. His rap is corny, but good. Cena slaps Taker at the start, and gets tossed into the corner. Taker dumps Cena and tosses him into the table where the ring bell is situated. Cena grabs a waterbottle and takes a swig, then spits it into Taker's face. Taker tosses Cena into the guardrail, then back into the ring. Taker gets that apron legdrop, and a cover on the inside gets 1. Taker goes up for OLD SCHOOL, gets it, and a chokeslam, and Taker pulls Cena's head up at 2. Way to make the guy look like a jobber. Taker goes for the LAST RIDE, but Cena jumps over him and DDT's him. Cena goes to unwrap the turnbuckle, but he stops midway through doing so. He kicks Taker and chokes him, then after a Taker clothesline, Cena finishes taking off the turnbuckle pad. Taker misses a charge toward the exposed turnbuckle pad, and Cena knocks him out of the ring with a flying shoulderblock. Taker has some "internal bleeding" going on, but a Taker clothesline gets a 2 count after he misses a big boot. Taker with a dragon sleeper, but Cena gets a spinebuster for 2. Taker with a clothesline after both men trade right hands, and Taker goes for the TOMBSTONE. Cena counters and goes for the F-U, and that's also countered. Taker with a legdrop for two, but Cena hits Taker with his chain. Cena gets the F-U for a 2 count, and for the third straight match on this DVD, Cena goes into the corner to punch Taker, and Taker LAST RIDES him out of there, winning the match. Third straight time that spot has been used...   Match Analysis: I believe the word to use is overrated. I've seen in the past that this match drew pretty good star ratings, but it was a glorified Taker squash. He did nothing to make Cena look strong, Cena was only made to look weak. **1/2. I ain't feelin' it. ___________________   Now, we have a BURIED ALIVE match, it's from Survivor Series 2003, and it's the Undertaker vs. Mr. McMahon.   Blow-by-blow: Vince prays to a "higher power" before the match, which I find incredibly funny for multiple reasons. Well, that didn't take long. Vince blades on Taker's first punch. Vince is GUSHING blood all over the place, and Taker rams Vince's grapefruits into the steel ring post. Heh. Then he does the same on the other side of the ring, and rams Vince into the announce table. Apparently, Vince threatened to have Taker's wife raped during the buildup for this match. Wow. Taker chokes Vince with a television cable and hits him with a TV monitor. Taker goes up to the stage where the grave is, and grabs a shovel. He hits Vince with it and I have to say, this might be the most blood I've ever seen in a match. It's all over the place. Taker grabs the steps and rams them into Vince's left leg, and we go TOWARD THE GRAVE. Vince gets his only offense of the match with a headbutt to the nuts of Taker and he then hits Taker with a shovel. Taker pulls Vince into the grave, and opens the forklift door in order to bury him. Taker, bury? harharhar. Kane comes out of the forklift and puts Taker into the grave, and Vince climbs into the forklift and dumps dirt into the grave for the win, at 11:58.   Match Analysis: Wow. Only thing keeping it from -*'s is the blood. DUD for the blood. Dumb. ___________________   The last match on this DVD set is the return of the Deadman w/Paul Bearer in tow, at WM XX. He's facing Kane.   Blow-by-blow: Taker's entrance was awesome, what with Bearer coming out and the Druids. Kane keeps saying "you're not real" throughout the bout. OK. Kane bails early and Taker whips Kane into the apron of the ring. Taker does that legdrop on the apron, and back inside, avalanches Kane while Kane's in the turnbuckle. Bearer screams, "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT," and Taker goes for the LAST RIDE. Unfortunately, they blow a spot where Kane is supposed to counter and drop Taker along the top rope. As I was saying, Taker does not get dropped along the top rope, he just falls down in a heap. Kane with a big boot and right hands as the MSG crowd thankfully does not chant "you fucked up." Kane gets a sideslam and goes up for a flying clothesline that gets a 2 count. Kane misses a charge at Taker, and Taker gets a running big boot and legdrop. He goes up for OLD SCHOOL, but Kane catches him in a choke. Taker returns the favor, and Taker's the one to try the CHOKESLAM first. However, KANE gets the CHOKESLAM and taunts the crowd for a bit. Taker sits up, and no-sells a Kane big boot, then hits a flying clothesline on Kane. Taker gets the CHOKESLAM, and then the TOMBSTONE for the finish at 6:56.   Match Analysis: 1/2*. Not good, but I don't think it was supposed to be anything other than a quick vehicle to re-establish Taker. I don't think he needed it, though.   That's the end of the DVD! ___________________   Now, ratings for the entire DVD.   Rating: Good. Unfortunately, a large majority of the matches are those that most people have probably seen. No hidden gems here, except for maybe the Bret v. Taker match from One Night Only. That match, and a match vs. Kurt Angle from Smackdown in 2003 were cut from the 24/7 airing of the DVD.   Best Match: Shawn vs. Taker from Badd Blood 1997.   Worst Match: Yokozuna vs. Undertaker from Royal Rumble 1994, and Taker v. Hogan from Survivor Series 1991 gets a dishonorable mention. ___________________     The review of the show from the Spectrum in Philadelphia will be posted either tomorrow or Tuesday. I haven't made up my mind yet.
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