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I'm lonely, some thoughts from a lonely person

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DynamiteChris

Entry posted by DynamiteChris ·

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I'm not putting much effort in this post but since I see quite a few people read my last blog entry so I thought I may as well write some more stuff.

 

I feel lonely right now. Sometimes this happens. It's hard to go through life without ever having touched (outside of a strip club), danced, hugged, held hands or kissed a woman and it really eats away at me.. For a long time, I half convinced myself that I didn't need a woman and enjoyed my freedom. Truth be known, I did but there was also another part of me that hungered for a woman and whenever I saw a woman behind a counter at a store, a longing for love and touch would enter my heart. That would remind me I was lying to myself.

 

A lot of it is my fault. I have very high standards before I can love myself. Sometimes I am scared of doing things in my life that actually make me happy. I have social anxiety. My standards are in reality very high for the opposite sex. However, I would say some of my lonliness is not quite my fault because I didn't really understand certain concepts of the mating game like I'm starting to learn now.

 

I talk about it on the board here to release my frustration and I do get a laugh along with everyone else (some advice too!) out of reading my own misadventures but at the same time it truly does hurt. Times are different now though. I do realise that some females find me attractive and that helps a lot as before I was never sure what percent of girls would give me a chance at all before. But on the other side of the coin, it's now extremely painful not to be able to capatalize on times when I know a girl is liking me. I despise myself for that.

 

But it's time to get over all this. It's time time to improve myself and go get every girl I possibly can. I know I can do it and I will do it. That day will come. It's time to end the lonliness. It's time to end the hurt and it's time to end this emo?? post.

 

Would this be classified as an emo post?

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DynamiteChris

I have always been shy. After I first started talking, I stopped for over a whole year with perhaps the exception of the word "juice" I believe. That scared my mother but I did start talking again.

 

Sometimes I wonder if weight training is something I do for the women. Subconciously or something because I always feel I have to be beyond perfect when I approach a woman and that I would say is both good and bad. Maybe I'll get into my thoughts on that in a future post.

Though I suppose when you think about it you can say everything man does is for women and it would make sense. Interestingly, weight training is something that's been engrained into me since I was a kid. We're talking extremely young here. I always wanted to be a strong, muscular man like He-Man. You could say that due to my upbringing of being around physical labour and everybody commenting on strength but I think it was something that was just in my blood. I used to look at the Sears catalogues when I was kid and just dream about the weight benches and weights.

 

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