In case you're wondering why I'm posting a review of some rasslin' shit, it's because I actually started watching it again. No, not the current WWE product. I couldn't watch that shit if I tried. Rather, their 24/7 on demand channel. I never thought I'd watch wrestling again, but I got sucked back in. Once my cable company picked up this channel, I couldn't help it.

I'm reviewing this stuff mainly for my own amusement, but also for those that don't have the channel and haven't seen these events before. Starting next week, I'm going to write full reviews, with blow-by-blow and the like. But, this batch of shows in the Big Ones section is going to be reviewed in a short form. No blow by blow, just my general thoughts on the match and ratings. I'm not going to sit through this show again and take notes, and if you're reading, you'll soon find out why. Take these short reviews as a test run for me to smooth out some kinks, they aren't going to be perfect. Anyhow....

ECW Hardcore Heaven 1997, from Fort Lauderdale, FL.

A Rick Rude sighting to start out and a shitty promo to come with it, as he introduces Chris Candido.

For the ECW TV Title: Taz (c.) w/Bill Alfonso v. Chris Candido.

First note, the dubbed music on these shows sucks. Terry Funk's is unintentionally hilarious (no, I don't know if it was dubbed or not), but, my thoughts on the match.

Match didn't work for me. Lots of sloppy spots and a finish I didn't particularly care for. Quite possibly the best match on the show, unfortunately. Not too long, not too short. Finish seemed sorta rushed, as it went from Taz hitting a few moves, Candido hitting a move, putting Taz up on the turnbuckle, Taz "waking up", and Taz choking Candido out with the Tazmission. Gay. I don't think much of Taz as a worker, he doesn't sell anything and has little in-ring psychology. For the rating...**. I've seen much worse.

They showed a little clip of the Insane Clown Posse getting the shit kicked out of them by RVD and Sabu (in a suit, huh? I don't figure him as the suit wearing type.), with Fonzie carrying Sabu's World Title and blowing his whistle as per usual. And it gets on my nerves after a while. This leads to something later.

2nd match, Bam Bam Bigelow v. Spike Dudley in a "Revenge Match".

I don't know what the "Revenge Match" billing is for, and I'm not going to pretend that I do. Almost everything they show on this channel, I haven't watched. Spike gets beat up and does a blade-job. Not much to see here, except for the vicious powerbomb toward the end. Bam Bam finished with a Bam Bam sault, not a true moonsault because he doesn't do a flip, more like a 360 turn splash or something. 1/2*. I liked Bam Bam's techno music.

To follow up on the ICP angle/clip/whatever, Sandman comes to the ring to help them out, gets the shit kicked out of him by RVD and Sabu, and does an ambulance job. More later.

3rd match, Al Snow v. "Mr. Monday Night" RVD w/Bill Alfonso in a "Monday Night Rules Match."

Terrible match. I really enjoy Al Snow's work, but it didn't do anything for me here. Couple blown spots by both guys, pointless stipulation, and no heat. When they hit their spots, it was nice. They didn't hit enough of them. The best spot was the first long running clothesline from Snow, as he ran the full length of the entrance aisle to pickup steam. No heat on any of the matches so far, I noticed. At best, decent, that's if I'm being kind, and this show put me in a rotten mood. Nearly fell asleep twice. *1/2, finished with a VanDaminator. I tuned out the whistling this time.

Next, one of three "Extreme Chopper" segments where they follow the Sandman after he "stole/tookover" the ambulance and is on his way back to the arena. A waste of money on ECW's part, it's a terrible segment. I don't know if this angle got "rave reviews" back in the day or not, but if it did, it absolutely DOES NOT hold up.

4th match, the Dudleys (c.) w/Joel Gertner, Big Dick, Sign Guy Dudley and Jenna Jameson v. PG-13, ring announcer didn't say if it was a tag title match or not, so I'll guess not.

Passable. I liked it, but the ring entrances (not just for this match) are WAY too long, and the dubbed music sucks. Kinda kills my enjoyment of the show, but I don't know if things would have been different had the show actually been worth a shit up to this point. Jenna Jameson is with the Dudleys, and I think she looks pretty good here. Hard to say when you know how things change, isn't it? 3D finishes PG-13, two unfunny white boys that couldn't cut their pre-match promo for shit. **.

2nd "Extreme Chopper" segment. Fastforward....oh wait. End of part one. I waited two days before watching part two, which I just finished, so my memory is much fresher.

5th match, Jerry Lawler vs. Tommy Dreamer w/Beulah.

Lawler cut this same promo during part 1. It was terrible the first time, FF worthy the next. Match went like this. Brawl on outside, two minutes in, blade-job Lawler, brawl, ok, enough of 3 word descriptions. After they brawl for a bit, lights go out, and Rick Rude hits Dreamer with a trash can when the lights come back on. Not the fake, paper-thin kind they use now, this one's thicker and looks like it could do a little damage. I don't remember at which point this happened, but Lawler ripped off Tommy's shirt. Well, now I know why Tommy wears a shirt. He has bitch-tits from past steroid abuse. He's off the juice, as one could see, and packing some extra pounds. They brawl some more, and the lights go out again. This time, JAKE THE FUCKING SNAKE ROBERTS is out there when the lights come on and does a little work to both Lawler and Dreamer, eventually DDT'ing Dreamer. More brawl, and the lights go out again! Come on. This time, Sunny's in the ring, gives Dreamer some hair-spray and has a little cat-fight roll around with Beulah, and then Tommy hits the DDT on Lawler for the win. Overbooked crap, and, if you noticed, that's close to a full review, as these guys didn't do much worth noting otherwise. Nearly treaded into negative star territory, but I'll give it a DUD. I liked ECW, but this show sucks.

Sandman beats up some cops as he gets back to the arena, this was led in by another "Extreme Chopper" segment, which I fastforwarded past. Lance Wright was giving commentary on these shitty segments, btw.

6th match, Sabu (c.) w/Bill Alfonso vs. "The Franchise" Shane Douglas w/Francine vs. Terry Funk, in a Three Way Dance for the ECW Heavyweight Championship of the World.

I'm going to give this a two part review, as the match drastically changed (in what way, you'll see) when the first participant left the match. Hilarious country dub to Funk's music, the lyrics of the song were great.

Part 1: Sabu hit some nice spots, fucked up one spot where he stepped on a chair to do a moonsault and it bent downwards, causing him to call into the ropes. It got a nice "You Fucked Up" chant from the fans (loudest they've been all night, sad really) which I always love to hear. First run-in is Tod Gordon, who makes his way down as Alfonso helps Sabu set-up a table. A bit of brawling leaves Sabu stuck up on the top rope for about a minute and a half, then Gordon and Alfonso get put on the table and driven through it by a Sabu legdrop. Then Sandman runs in and hits Sabu with a ladder, leading to Sabu getting pinned by both Douglas and Funk.

Stop here. Do not watch the rest of the match. This part gets **1/4, undoubtedly the best match on the show. Up to that point, anyway.

Part 2: Ok, now, after Sabu gets pinned, the match gets ignored for 2 or 3 minutes as Sabu and Sandman commence brawling to the back. Douglas and Terry Funk are the ones left, if you haven't noticed. My main problem with everything after the pin is that the champion is the one whose been eliminated, but the thing is, all the focus was taken off the actual TITLE FIGHT when Sandman and Sabu began brawling. It upstaged the match in the ring, but on second thought, that may have been a good thing. The rest really sucked. Bit of brawling as Funk hits himself in the head with a garbage can on the outside, purposefully, at that. Dory Funk comes out (now this is the loudest part of the show), and nails Douglas in the head a few times, FF about a minute, and the Franchise hits the Belly-to-Belly, becoming the NEW ECW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD. This part gets *, giving the match a full rating of *3/4. Bad math, I know.

Joel Gertner hits the ring after Douglas puts a sound ass-whoopin on Funk for a minute, and asks Shane to leave the Triple Threat and join a new stable, the Triple Crown, with both Buh Buh and and D-Von. Bam Bam and Candido (the other members of the Triple Threat) hit the ring, and commence brawling. There were guys (the FBI among others)that I didn't mention standing in the entrance aisle , they join in and get their asses wiped out (I should use a different figure of speech next time, huh) by both teams, this goes on for too long, and someone else hits the ring. It's Balls and Axl Rotten, they get beat up, so New Jack and Kronus gotsta hit the ring and turn the tide. Saturn follows on a bad leg and hits an elbow from the top. Celebrate, yadayadayada and the face groups grab Gertner from the outside and give him a nice, clean concussion chairshot and the shows over.

What a fucking waste of 3 hours. I'll never watch this crap again. The crowd didn't get involved, the matches sucked, the angles sucked, basically everything sucked. Too many run-ins in each match killed any flow the show had going, on top of that, the garbage wrestling ECW brought to the table tonight didn't offer anything. Un-entertaining. Was ECW testing to see how many PPV viewers they'd lose in November, as each performance was mailed in. If the talent doesn't give a crap, I don't give a crap.

*1/2 rating for the whole thing, not worth watching unless you've never seen it.

I'll do something else soon, and like I said, once 24/7 gets updated, full reviews are on the way of the MNW and NWA show. At my own pace though, I'm not rushing through anything. Until next time...