Back to the PPV-ish review system we go...

 

 

Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary.

 

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The first match, is The Berzerker vs. Jim Brunzell.

 

Prematch: Huss, huss, huss, huss, huss, huss...and Brunzell looks strange not being a part of the Killer Bees.

 

Blow-by-blow: Brunzell gives Berzerker a monkeyflip and an atomic drop, then Berzerker counters with a boot to the head. Berzerker chop, jumping boot (weird move), and then The Berzerker pushes Brunzell into the steel post on the outside. Berzerker peels back the padding and slams Brunzell on the concrete, and tosses him back in the ring afterward. He keeps tossing Brunzell out, then we go to some restholds. Once we get out of that, Berzerker hits Jim with a HUGE shoulderblock for a 2 count. Brunzell then bites Berzerker, and mongolian chops him. I hate that move. Brunzell hits Berzerker with his signature dropkick for 2, then comes off the ropes with a crossbody attempt, but gets hit with a Berzerker fall-down slam for the pinfall at 8:42.

 

Match analysis: Just a solid opener. Nothing to see here, but Berzerker looked good. *1/2.

 

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The 2nd match, is The Bushwhackers vs. The Nasty Boys w/Jimmy Hart.

 

Prematch: Why. This could be terrible, or just bad. Hopefully bad.

 

Blow-by-blow: Both teams play to the crowd for two minutes until Luke bites Knobbs on the ass. Ew, gross. The Bushwhackers then do that little "wishbone, step on the nuts but we're really stepping on your stomachs" spot, and the Nasties bail. If I had it my way, they would have stayed gone. This match is just ttteedddiiioouusss so I'll pick up near the hot-tag. The Nasties chinlock Luke to death, until Knobbs goes up and misses a splash. Tag Butch, and Butch is a house of fire. Just some weak-ass bullshit offense, then the Battering Ram. Knobbs has Heenan's coke poured on him by one of the Bushwhackers, and Saggs makes the save with a bellshot to the back of Butch for the pin at 12:38.

 

Match analysis: It could have been worse. FAR, FAR worse. DUD.

 

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The 3rd match, is Chris Walker vs. The Warlord.

 

Prematch: Walker has this Tarzan thing going on. I know what I'm going to get here, so pardon me if it seems like it's not interesting. The match sure wasn't.

 

Blow-by-blow: This is a Warlord squash. He's slow as fuck, and he sucks dick. And the match is 11 minutes long. I'm going to spare you all the review. Just fastforward past this shit and don't look back. Warlord powerbombs Walker after an attempted rana for the pin at 11:13.

 

Match analysis: No. Just, fuck no. Warlord can't work worth a shit, and they gave him more than 10 minutes. Give me a break. -*, for my first negative star rating I've given. And probably the worst squash match I've ever seen. I'd rather watch Nash work with El Gigante. I would have reviewed it, had it not been a squash. Had it not been a squash, it could have been average.

 

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The 4th match, is Sid Justice w/Harvey Whippleman vs. Hercules.

 

Prematch: Hercules doesn't have his chain. He probably forgot all about it when the WWF told him the time he had for this match. This is by far the best "version" of Sid. They built him up like a beast, gave him great music, and a manager to cover for his verbal deficiencies. The audience cheered Sid, even though he was supposed to be a monster heel. I'm not kidding. Sid grabs the mic real quick and gives Herc a chance to leave, but being the man Herc is, he won't.

 

Blow-by-blow: Big boot, powerbomb, goodbye. 0:25 is the time.

 

Match analysis: That's probably the best Sid match of all-time. *. That's how you squash, brother.

 

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The 5th match, is for the World Rasslin' Federation Intercontinental Championship. The challenger, from the Motor City (harhar) is the Repo Man. The champion, is Rowdy Roddy Piper.

 

Prematch: There's a lot goin' on here. Piper having the title is two things. One, a lifetime achievement. Two, a vehicle they can use to help put Bret Hart over, which Piper did. I could do some checking, but I'm too lazy, so I'll say that the WM VIII match with Bret was Piper's only pinfall loss in the WWF. Repo Man's music is the shit. Before the match, he steals a watch from an "unsuspecting" woman at ringside. Piper finds out once he gets to the ring, and he's pissed. The announcers mention WM 8 at every opportunity, and Alfred lets us know it's intermission after this match, as he leaves the commentary table for a brief time.

 

Blow-by-blow: Piper takes off the belt to his skirt kilt, and starts beating Repo Man with it. Piper then clotheslines Repo with the belt. Repo misses the inverted atomic drop, and Piper does the spot where he pokes his opponent in the eye. Piper rams Repo into the stairs, and Repo returns the favor, but into the post rather than the stairs. On the inside, Piper gets the sleeper, then Repo makes the ropes. Thought it was over, I did. Repo has his tow hook, but Earl Hebner grabs the rope attached to the hook to prevent him from using it. Piper grabs the hook and nails Repo with it, which leads to the pinfall at 3:33. Piper then gives the lady at ringside her watch.

 

Match analysis: Harmless, really. They saved Piper for the battle royal later. *1/4.

 

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It's INTERMISSION time, and we go to a set of interviews. Flair...Piper....Hogan. 4 brothers in Hogan's spiel, btw.

 

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The 6th match is one that I've wanted to see for a long time. It's the British Bulldog vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer.

 

Prematch: Taker's entrance is awesome, even then. That's all.

 

Blow-by-blow: UT chokes DBS, once the referee breaks DBS finds the strength within to clothesline UT over the top rope. Davey can't hold UT up for a suplex or body slam, so UT just simply chokes him. Again, he chokes after the break. UT no-sells every damn thing in this match. Davey finally gets the delayed vertical suplex, and my initial reaction is..WOW. UT's feet are 12-13 feet high in the air. That's high. Davey charges at UT, but gets stungun'd along the top rope and UT pins him at 5:19.

 

Match analysis: Strange, strange match. *, for the novelty of the match, but I wonder who Davey pissed off. He was squashed like a bug.

 

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The 7th match is the Big Boss Man (that's how it was displayed on the graphic) vs. "The Model" Rick Martel w/Arrogance.

 

Prematch: Bossman has the nightstick, and Martel has Arrogance. Martel looks terrible wearing that pink garbage down to the ring. Martel says something about the terrible fans at MSG, and we start...

 

Blow-by-blow: Martel slaps Bossman across the face, then runs and hides. Smart guy. Bossman slams Martel twice, so Martel bails out of the ring. Bossman chases him, then hipblocks him. Then he messes Martel's hair up and stomps on his face. Armwringer by Bossman, then a hipblock reversal in favor of Bossman. Bossman clocks Martel upside his head, then pushes him down with one finger. Bossman misses a charge toward the turnbuckle, and Martel takes over. Martel with a back suplex for a 2 count, as the tide has been reversed. Martel works on the back of Bossman, by sitting on his back while applying a chinlock (it's the little things that make a match, like this), and as Rick notices Bossman powering out, he runs up to the turnbuckle and delivers a double axehandle off the 2nd rope. Bossman gets a small package out of nowhere for 2, so Martel gives him a backbreaker. Logically, it makes sense. Bossman crotches Martel as he heads to the top this time, then backdrops him. Martel situates him on the ropes, and Bossman slides to the outside and delivers a thrust to the throat of Martel. Martel grabs Arrogance and the Bossman steals it, but Martel uses the nightstick instead, wallops Bossman with it, and gets the pinfall victory at 13:49.

 

Match analysis: These guys are among my favorite guys to watch, and they put together a nice match here. Enjoyable, a **1/2 rating is in order.

 

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It's battle royal time, and I need to explain my rating system. Yes, it is based mostly on the finish, and who the participants are. For my review, I just write down the important parts. I can review a Royal Rumble, but not this. Too much goes on, too fast. I try to keep up the best I can. I rate them like _/10, and the scale is completely independent than that of other matches. 10/10 is what I believe to be the best battle royal possible. The one on RAW in 93 that set up Razor's first IC title victory is my favorite. Just being honest. It's on the Monday Night RAW tape from 94 or so that, IMO, is the best Coliseum Video tape of all. It's amazing.

 

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The participants in this 20 man battle royal are: Rowdy Roddy Piper, Chris Walker, The Model Rick Martel, Ric Flair, The Big Boss Man, British Bulldog, Hulk Hogan, Brian Knobbs, The Berzerker, Hercules, Bushwhacker Luke, Skinner, Repo Man, The Warlord, Kato, Jim Brunzell, Jerry Saggs, Bushwhacker Butch, The Undertaker, and Sid Justice.

 

So, here we go. Butch has taped ribs to sell the bellshot from Saggs that took place earlier, so he's the first to go. Before that, Hogan and Sid brawled as soon as Hogan got into the ring, and that started the match. That makes sense. After that, nobody goes out for a bit, until The Berzerker is dumped. Skinner out. Kato out. Brunzell goes out somewhere in here, as I'm paying attention to Undertaker and Hogan teaming up on Ric Flair. Hercules and Martel go out, then Piper and Flair brawl. Saggs out, Luke out, Walker out, Flair and Repo get dumped quickly thereafter by Piper, so Sid dumps Piper to get both Flair and Piper back to the dressing room. They can hug it out. Bossman puts UT out, then Sid puts Davey out. Hogan then puts Knobbs out, and we have 4 men left at 13:10. The Warlord, Sid, Hogan and Bossman are the guys left and it's obvious who will exit, and we go to the finish quickly as Hogan dumps Warlord, and Sid dumps Bossman. The crowd is fuckin' electric for this encounter, and for some reason, a damn ref is in the ring. Sid whoops on that ref, and gets dumped by Hogan. BUT, because there's no ref to ring the bell, Justice slides back in. Sid grabs Harvey Whippleman's doctor bad, and hits Hogan with it. He slides Hogan out under the rope, and wakes the ref up. Why the fuck couldn't Hogan just let Sid throw him out like everyone else? Once the ref wakes up, it's Hebner BAH GAWD, AND IT'S TIME TO RING THE FUCKIN' BELL AT 16:37.

 

As for the match, 7/10 is my ranking. IT's not bad, but it's nothing great. But there's quite a bit of talent in that ring, so the rating gets bumped up.

 

 

That's it, show's over.

 

 

For the entire show, my ranking is *1/4. It's not worth it to sit down and watch the whole thing. If you skip the 2nd and 3rd matches, you'll be in good shape. I'm going to watch it again, but only by skipping those matches. It's a solid enough show. Match of the night is Bossman/Martel, and the worst match is obviously Warlord/Walker.

 

 

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I think I'll do part 3 of the Undertaker DVD next, but I'm not reviewing the first HiAC until Badd Blood is posted later this month. Til then...

 

Before too much longer, I'll discuss my rating system, and how I write these.