Finally, more new stuff. I needed to finish watching something before the Laker game started, so Saturday Night's Main Event is on the menu. I've never watched one of these, only clips from various ones. That's not a joke. Date in the title is the date that the show aired.

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The opening to the show is fuckin' bizarre. It's a bunch of mini-promos, with the Ultimate Warrior (this one was the best), Andre the Giant and Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage (Elizabeth...my goodness), Ted DiBiase (who says Hercules is bought and paid for), and Hulk Hogan. Why can't we see stuff like this now?

Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura are on commentary, and since they're in California, Jesse gets top billing. Therefore, he needs to be the one to talk first whenever a match is being introduced. Or so he says.

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Gene Okerlund is with Super Ninja and Mr. Fuji, at which point Fuji mumbles about things I can't understand. Only thing I got out of that was that Super Ninja trained on 7 continents, in 7 special arts. Well. After that, Gene's with the Ultimate Warrior. I understood even less than I did during the previous interview. Now that's hard to believe.

Super Ninja is facing the ULTIMATE WARRIOR for the Intercontinental Title, and I don't think I need to explain who's the champ and challenger, do I? Ninja's sole offense in the bout is a chop, karate kick, and big boot. All three do nothing. Now, we go to school. Warrior gives Ninja a big boot which puts Ninja out of the ring, and Warrior follows him, then press slams him back into the ring. Warrior gives Ninja a back elbow, and signals that the end is near. Clothesline, press slam, big splash, and Warrior retains his title at 2:10. 1/4*. A squash if there ever was one.

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Now, we flashback to Hercules being bought as a slave by Ted DiBiase. Yeah, I said it, a slave. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This took place on the Superstars episode of 10/1/88. In case you were interested.

Jesse Ventura conducts an interview with DiBiase and Virgil, and Jesse's so obviously scripted or reading from a teleprompter that it's ridiculous. Did he make himself sound that way on purpose or what, because it was so overly done that that's how I interpreted it. DiBiase will take possession of Hercules if Virgil wins tonight, but when asked why he won't do the dirty work himself, Ted says he won't interact with his slaves.

Gene Okerlund's with Hercules, he doesn't say much of note.

And now, we have Virgil w/Ted DiBiase vs. Hercules, if Hercules loses, DiBiase will take possession of him.

Before the match, Jesse asks Vince if he thinks Hercules looks a little like Kunta Kinte. Might make me a bad person, but I laughed. Only because I was caught unawares, and I wasn't thinking about how un-politically incorrect wrestling was at the time. Both DiBiase and Virgil attack Hercules at the start of the match, but Hercules beats the both of them up. Herc backdrops Virgil, and clotheslines him over the top rope. Hercules chases DiBiase around the ring, and back inside, backdrops Virgil again. He gives Virgil a back elbow and then an elbowdrop, then punches him. DiBiase distracts Hercules in order to get him to stop, but afterward, Hercules gives Virgil a kneelift. He clotheslines Virgil twice, then powerslams him for the win at 3:23. After the match, Hercules throws Virgil out of the ring, onto DiBiase. 1/2*, mostly for the excess stuff going on.

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Flashback to Jake Roberts scaring Andre with his snake, Damien. Yeah, this is when we found out that Andre was afraid of snakes. He "passed out" with the snake coiled around him. I always found this funny, albeit sad, seeing the role that Andre was reduced to. I'll touch on that a little more after the next match.

Andre the Giant is with Mean Gene, obviously Gene asks him about snakes, but Andre doesn't want to hear it. Savage and Elizabeth are with Gene afterward, and Macho says that since Hogan beat Andre, he can do it too.

The "main event" of the show is Andre the Giant w/Bobby Heenan vs. Macho Man Randy Savage w/Elizabeth, for Savage's WWF Title.

Andre chokes Savage, then headbutts him. Honestly, I described the entire match, right there. SO, I'll keep the review of the match brief, instead of repeating the same thing over and over again. Andre squashes Savage in the corner, and applies a front facelock, after a Savage knee to the back of Andre. Andre chokes Savage with the strap of his tights, which he hides from the referee. This is the only time during the match in which Andre is near the center of the ring. He keeps doing it, and while doing so, he headbutts Savage in the back. Savage gives him a jawbreaker, and Andre applies a nerve hold. The dubbed sound of the crowd makes this match better than it would have been otherwise. Yes, I said dubbed. If you think otherwise, you're wrong. Macho gives Andre a running elbow to the head and an axhandle from the 2nd rope, which puts Andre down for the first time in the bout. Jake Roberts makes his first appearance of the night, with Damien. Damien hides the snake under the ring, and Andre finally notices him. He knows the snake has been put somewhere, but doesn't know where that is. The official says Jake needs to leave ringside, and he does, after whispering something to Savage.

commercial break

and we're back, as Heenan's being told by Andre to find the snake. Andre chops Savage, and Heenan still can't find the snake. Macho gives Andre a running axhandle, then gets sat on by Andre. This is really sad. Heenan gets close to where the snake is, so now Macho starts chasing him. Now we know what Jake said to Savage before the commercial break. Andre brings Macho in the hard way, and Heenan's finally found the snake. Jake comes back to ringside and he's got the snake, at which point I notice that Andre's bleeding, and the bell rings at 8:41, as both wrestlers are disqualified. Macho beats up Heenan, and knocks Andre into the ropes, where Andre is tied up. Jake brings Damien out of the bag, but Andre gets untied by Heenan and the referee, so he leaves. Macho and Elizabeth celebrate, but for no reason at all. 1/4*, just for the extra stuff, again. It's so hard to watch Andre when Andre has to be next to the ropes at all times. There was only one point in the match that he wasn't. Just sad, is all. The match was ok in theory, all of Savage's offense was realistic in that he had to move quickly around Andre and sneak in little shots when he could. Anyhow, there's more to come.

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Hacksaw Jim Duggan has an interview with Gene Okerlund, before his match against Boris Zhukov. The winner gets their flag raised, obviously, everyone knows which flags would get raised in the event. They stare at each other, then Duggan gives Zhukov an atomic drop. Zhukov gives him some back scratch fever, then Duggan misses an elbow drop. Duggan gives Zhukov a clothesline, then bodyslams him. 3 point stance time, clothesline out of that, and Duggan wins at 2:25. DUD. The American Flag gets raised, as the stipulation stated, and the American national anthem follows.

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Flashback to the Big Bossman attacking Hulk Hogan on the Brother Love Show, and Bossman handcuffed Hogan to the guardrail and beat him with his nightstick.

Now, we have the Brother Love Show, with Slick and Hulk Hogan as the guests. They talk about what happened "last night", which was their way of saying, we can't tell you (meaning the live audience) about Survivor Series, so we'll say last night instead. No harm, no foul. Hogan beats both Slick and Love up at the end of the show, after Love had cut him off throughout the interview. Hogan handcuffs Love to the top rope, and clotheslines him out of the ring. I bet that hurt. He's hanging by his hand. Hogan poses, and that's the end of that. Meh.

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Jesse's at the interview area again, and this time it's the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers, along with Jimmy Hart. They have an announcement...they've moved to the USA!!! Memphis, Tennessee, at that.

The last match of the night is the Young Stallions vs. the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers w/Jimmy Hart.

Powers and Jacques start the match, and Jacques shoulderblocks Powers, then dropkicks him after countering his backdrop. Powers goes up for a 10 punch in the corner, but Hart hits him in the leg with his megaphone. Raymond comes in with a savate kick, and gives Powers a backbreaker onto the knee of Jacques. Jacques misses a springboard crossbody, and Roma finally tags in. He powerslams Jacques, and gives him a flying fistdrop from up top. Now Roma goes up, and gets a missile dropkick. Too bad for him though, the Rougeaus regain control, and hit Roma with that double team finish of their's at 3:05, for the win. I don't know the name of the finisher. *1/2.

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Jesse's with Andre and Heenan, and Andre says Jake needs to fight like a man. I get a lot of enjoyment out of Andre's interviews, I don't really know why, though.

Mean Gene's with Jake, and then with Hogan afterward. The Hogan/Bossman thing got finished at the 2nd Main Event, for the most part anyway, but they had a good cage match at MSG afterward that's worth checking out.

Show's over.

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Rating: Decent. The show seems too manufactured for my taste, but I don't know whether or not all the SNME's are like this. It seemed like every little thing was scripted to a T. The commentary too. There weren't any matches worth going out of your way for, but the show was nice at giving a look at what they were building to before the WrestleMania programs. For that, a decent rating applies. It was a fun show that I'll watch again. If you're one of those people that only cares about workrate, this isn't for you.

Best Match: Fabulous Rougeaus vs. Young Stallions.

Worst Match: Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. Boris Zhukov. It was the only one I got no enjoyment out of.

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Well, I'm not going to review 2 of the 3 Piper matches, and I'll explain why. If I review the boxing match, I've reviewed a large portion of Wrestlemania 2 already, cause I'm reviewing the shorties section next.. I don't want to review so much of one show without doing the whole thing. As far as the dog-collar match goes, I'm saving that until Starrcade 83 gets posted. Sorry. That's a decision I made a while ago. I'll review the match from the War to Settle the Score, with the shorties matches that I'll have up tomorrow. When the History of the WWE Championship DVD gets posted, it's going to be the same. I'll only review matches from non-PPV shows then. I just don't want to review matches that were the sole reason to watch a show. Matches from WM X7 are much different. Austin/Rock, I'll have that up with the rest.