While I don't like this show, seeing as WrestleMania VIII is up, I gotta get this out of the way.
Opening video and all that, but to start the show off, the first match on the card is Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal for the Intercontinental Championship.
Blow-by-blow: RVD attacks to start, and clotheslines Regal. A standing moonsault follows, but RVD misses a charge to the corner soon after. Regal looks for brass knuckles in his tights, but RVD kicks them out of his hand. He dropkicks Regal and goes for the FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH, but RVD misses. Regal knees RVD in the face for a 2 count, but RVD follows with a crossbody for 2. Regal gives RVD a drop-toe hold, and a suplex for 2 count. A neckbreaker follows for 2, and then, Regal applies a cross armed choke. He likes that move. Regal's bleeding from the mouth, and RVD misses ROLLING THUNDER when given the chance to hit it. Regal gives RVD a double-underhook powerbomb for 2, but RVD rolls him up afterward, only getting 2. RVD gives Regal a dropkick and a monkeyflip, but he misses a charge to the corner. Regal drops RVD on his head with a half-nelson suplex, and goes for the brass knuckles. RVD kicks Regal so he can't hit RVD with the knuckles, and finishes the bout via pinfall after a FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH at 6:20. New Intercontinental Champion and all that.
Match Analysis: Eh, what do you say. It was a good opener. It was also too short, and strange given both wrestlers style. **1/4.
Christian cuts a promo next, and we see a clip from RAW, when he beat Billy Gunn. He heels on this second class city that the show's in (being Toronto), and smiles for the camera. What a fellow.
Christian vs. DDP is our European Championship match...
Blow-by-blow: Christian's music is top-20 of all time. Yeah, I said it. DDP's coming full-circle. If you don't know the story, he drove Rhythm & Blues to the ring in a pink Cadillac at WrestleMania VI. In Toronto. Anyhow, Christian tries to surprise Page, but Page recovers and gives Christian a gutwrench chestbreaker. Yeah, I just said that. He clotheslines Christian ove rthe top and rams him into the retaining wall twice, before bringing Christian back in. Page goes for a 10 punch at the corner, but Christian lowblows him. Ouch. He drops Page along the top rope, and knocks him down all the way to the floor on a charge. Inside, DDP trips Christian and tries to ram him nut-first into the ringpost, but Christian pulls DDP into the post. Christian gives DDP an abdominal stretch, and follows it up with a reverse DDT-backbreaker type thing for 2. Christian goes up to the top, but DDP slams him off, all the way down to the canvas. That's followed up by a spinning sitout-powerbomb for 2. Christian tries for the UNPRETTIER, but instead, he rams DDP into the buckle and gives him a reverse DDT. Then there's a little reversal sequence, which ends with the DIAMOND CUTTER. Obviously, that ends the match, and Page retains his title via pinfall at 6:09. After the match, DDP grabs a microphone and talks a bit, which causes Christian to throw a temper tantrum.
Match Analysis: Would've been really good if it was longer than 6 minutes. But it wasn't, so it was just good. Same rating as the last, that being **1/4. DDP still had the ability to have a good/great match.
Here's what happened next.
I put these great promos in, because honestly, I can't sum them up well enough for people to read it. It's just better to post them.
I noticed that you can't embed videos anymore. What the hell is this nonsense?
Goldust vs. Maven for the HARDCORE Title is our next match...
Blow-by-blow: Goldie has those gold weaponz!11!1! Goludst attacks to start, and beels Maven into the retaining wall at ringside. That looked like it hurt. Goldust gets on the apron after placing Maven on the wall, and he dives out onto him. Goldust then hits Maven with a cookie sheet, and inside, he slingshots him into a trash can. Well, he kinda missed the can, so Maven quickly gets up and dropkicks the can into Goldust's face. Maven cradles him for 2, but Goldust comes back with a neckbreaker for 2. Goldust gives Maven a front suplex, and kicks the handle of a GOLD SHOVEL into Maven's throat. Goldust places a garbage can in the corner, and rams Maven into it for a 2 count. Goldust grabs a garbage lid, but Maven has one too, and they hit each other with them. SPIKE DUDLEY runs down to the ring, and he pins Maven to win the Hardcore Title at 3:17. Haha. Crash Holly chases Spike out of the building, and both Maven and Goldust give chase as well.
Match Analysis: 1/2*. But I love the 24/7 rule.
Next is a shitty performance by Drowning Pool...honestly, I fast-forwarded.
In the back, Crash Holly rams Spike Dudley into a wall, getting a 2 count. Al Snow's driving a golf cart, and he runs over a ton of boxes on accident, instead of hitting Spike. Spike turns to leave, but Hurricane FLIES into the picture and hits Spike, before covering him to win the Hardcore Title. 24/7 rules, son. HAHA. Bring back the Hardcore Title!
Kurt Angle takes on Kane, but first, Kurt Angle cuts a promo on Canada. Like you didn't see that coming.
Blow-by-blow: In mid-promo, Kane comes out. Angle hits him with the bell, so he can't be disqualified. The bell never rang! They slug it out once the bell rings, and Angle gives him a german suplex. Kane comes back with (what else) a back elbow, and then a choke toss. He tries for the chokeslam, but Angle pushes him away and gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. Angle chokes away after two clotheslines, and gives Kane a back suplex for 2. Angle goes for the front facelock, but when Kane powers out, he just drops Angle to the canvas like he's nothin'. Kane gives Angle a sideslam, but in response, Angle gives Kane the ROLLING GERMAN SUPLEXES. Three suplexes, at that. It only gets a 2 count. Angle comes off the top rope with a clothesline, but when he goes up top again, Kane clotheslines him on the way down. Kane gives Angle a big boot and a backdrop, followed up by a powerslam for 2. Kane misses a charge to the corner, but he still gives Angle a chokeslam for 2. Kane goes for the TOMBSTONE, but Angle counters the hold with an ANGLE SLAM for 2. The straps come off, and Angle goes to the ANKLE LOCK. Kane powers out after a bit, and gives Kurt an enziguri. Kane goes to the top, but Angle gives him the pop-up belly-to-belly suplex. An Angle Slam attempt follows, but Kane counters it with a chokehold. Angle rolls through the choke, and pins Kane with his feet on the ropes for 3 at 10:43.
Match Analysis: An Olympic carryjob. I mean, wow. *** for what is almost the best match on the card. Haven't seen anything better from Kane, in, like, ever.
The Hurricane's in the back, trying to hide from the action. He also has a broom, but Godfather's hos are in the room. Yeah, there's a boner joke and all, until the Godfather chases him out.
Ric Flair vs. the Undertaker is our next match, and there are NO disqualifications.
Blow-by-blow: Hype video and all that, in probably the only match on this show that didn't have some retarded reason for occuring. Flair runs down to the ring and attacks Taker, so they trade blows. They fight on the announce table, until Taker rams Flair into the ringpost. Into the stairs Flair goes, then we go back into the ring. Taker whips Flair into the corner, but Flair can't make it over the turnbuckles. Poor guy. They do the spot again, and Flair makes it over, given a big boot when on the apron for his troubles. Taker sits Flair down in a chair and punches away, so Flair bleeds. Inside, Taker kicks Flair, and Flair flops to the ground. Taker gives Flair two clotheslines, and places him on the top, for a gigantic superplex (the superplex is my favorite wrestling move, you see). It only gets 2, because Taker pulls Flair up. Taker places Flair on the apron and legdrops him, but he only gets 2, for the same reason as the last. Taker goes for OLD SCHOOL, but Flair throws him down to the canvas. That doesn't really matter, as Taker gives Flair a sideslam for 2. Flair chops away, knocking Taker out of the ring, and gets a lead pipe. He hits Taker in the head with it, so Taker bleeds. More shots with the lead pipe and a "keep off" sign follow, as we go back in the ring. Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Flair gives him a low blow and applies the FIGURE-FOUR leglock. Taker chokes Flair to break the hold, and chokeslams Flair for a 2 count. Taker tosses the referee into the turnbuckle, and goes out to get the pipe. ARN FREAKING ANDERSON runs down to the ring, unexpectedly I might add, and gives Taker a SPINEBUSTER, getting Flair a 2 count. When watching this live, I thought it was over. Taker punches Arn to make him bleed, and applies a dragon sleeper, until Flair hits him in the back with a chair. Flair tries to hit him in the head with it, but Taker kicks it back into his face. Flair's unable to take the LAST RIDE, so instead, Taker gives him the TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER for 3 at 18:46.
Match Analysis: Really good match, but it was too long. After thinking about it, it's just as good as Angle/Kane, so I'll give it ***. Streak and all that, but Arn's run-in really should've ended the match in favor of Flair.
Booker T cuts a promo next, talking about Einstein's theory of relatives. I laughed. He had on glasses, too. Good stuff.
Booker T vs. Edge is the next match, obviously.
Blow-by-blow: Worst feud in the history of feuds. Period. Edge gets the best of the initial punchout, but Booker gives him a shoulderblock. Edge comes back with a dropkick and facebuster, which only gets a 1 count. Booker gives Edge a hotshot, and a spinning heel kick for 2. Booker clotheslines Edge over the top, and comes off the apron onto Edge with a big right hand. Booker goes up to the top when Edge gets back in, and gives him a missile dropkick. Booker follows with a spinebuster for 2, but when he goes back up top, Edge crotches him. Edge gives Booker a hurricanrana with Booker placed on top, but it looked all funny. That's followed up by 2 Edge clotheslines, and a spinning heel kick off the top for 2. Edge gives Booker a slingshot into the turnbuckle, but he misses the spear attempt that ensues. Booker gives Edge a superkick, and entertains us with...THE SPINAROONIE! Booker follows with the SCISSOR KICK for 2, before going for the BOOKEND. Edge says no, and SPEARS Booker for 2. EDGEAROONIE and all that, then the EDGECUTION finishes off Booker for the 3 count at 6:32.
Match Analysis: Going through the motions...**.
In the back, THE HURRICANE is talking to Jonathan Coachman. Mighty Molly is there, and she hits Hurricane with a frying pan to win the Hardcore Title. Ha.
STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN is going to take on Scott Hall...who's accompanied by Kevin Nash.
Blow-by-blow: Austin in the mid-card boggles the mind, as does the NWO music being dubbed over. Austin stomps a mudhole in Hall to start the match, and gives him a back elbow. Austin follows it up with the THESZ PRESS, and an elbowdrop. Hall bails, but Austin attacks both he and Nash. Hall gets rammed into the steel steps, and they go back inside. Hall clotheslines Austin for 2, and whips Austin into a turnbuckle that Nash pulled the pad off of. Outside Austin goes, where Nash beats him up. In the process, Nash tears his quad. Back inside, and Hall gives Austin a fallaway slam for 2. Hall gives Austin a clothesline for 2, and with the referee distracted afterward, Nash punches Austin. Austin comes back with a spinebuster on Hall, and a STUNNER...but Nash pulls the referee out of the ring during the count and clobbers him. Nash comes into the ring as Hall gets a chair, but Austin gives both a STUNNER. The cover on Hall gets two, as Nash elbowdrops the new referee. Ha. Nash goes out of the ring thanks to Austin, and so does Hall, via a backdrop. Yo. The referees come out and make Nash leave, as Austin and Hall fight on the outside. Hall gives Austin a STUNNER back in the ring, but he only gets a 2 count. Austin pops back up, two STUNNERS, and the win at 9:52. Love how Hall just stood there, looking, well, stunned, after the first of those two STUNNERS. Beer celebration, surprised Hall didn't snag one for himself, harharharharhar.
Match Analysis: More going through the motions stuff...*3/4.
To part two of the program we go, and WWF Axxess. Doesn't need to be covered.
The next matchup is a 4 Corners Elimination Match, as it's the Dudley Boyz w/Stacy Keibler vs. the APA vs. the Hardy Boyz vs. Billy and Chuck for the WWF Tag Team Titles.
This is probably the hardest match I've had to review so far. It wasn't very easy. APA attack the champions at the start, and Bradshaw will start the match, facing Billy Gunn. Bradshaw tries a fallaway slam, but Chuck tags in. Bradshaw still gives Gunn the fallaway slam, but Chuck tripped him or something. Bradshaw gives Billy a back suplex, and Faarooq tags in. Billy rams him into the buckle and stomps on Faarooq, but Faarooq counters with a powerslam. A DDT follows for 2, and D-Von tags in, with Billy going out. Faarooq gives D-Von a spinebuster, and Billy is given the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL by Bradshaw...but Bradshaw is given the 3D, eliminating his team at 3:25. * for that, it was a mess.
The Hardys both come into the ring and do a bunch of combo moves on their opponent, honestly, this shit is happening so fast that I can't even write it down. The Dudleys set up a table, and Jeff gives Bubba Ray a pescado. Stacy Keibler gets on the ring apron, so Jeff spanks her when she pulls up her shorts as a distraction. Smart move. Bubba gives Billy a BUBBA BOMB, but he misses a charge to the corner. He's still able to give Jeff Hardy a backdrop, for a 2 count. D-Von gives Jeff a suplex for 2, and when Bubba tags back in, he stomps on Jeff's nuts. D-Von gives Jeff a back elbow after the tag, but Jeff responds with a reverse DDT. Matt Hardy and Bubba Ray tag in, Matt gives Bubba a DDT, and slams D-Von. Cause he's a house of fire. I know this part of the review is a mess, but just bear with me. Bubba gives Matt a back suplex, but he misses a senton off the top rope. Obviously, that means Matt Hardy has to go UHHHH and give Bubba a legdrop off the 2nd rope. The Dudleys try to do the WAZZUP headbutt after a few punches, but Billy pushes D-Von all the way down to the floor and through the table that was sitting at ringside. Ouch. TWIST OF FATE on Bubba, SWANTON, and the Dudleys are gone at 11:49. Useless pile of shit waste of time. DUD.
Chuck gives Matt a superkick for a 2 count to start this portion of the the match, so in response, Jeff legdrops Chuck in the lower abdominal area. Matt gives Chuck what would later be known as the SIDE EFFECT, and Jeff tags right back in. POETRY IN MOTION is given to both Billy and Chuck, and then, Chuck is given a TWIST OF FATE. The SWANTON BOMB follows, but Billy gives Jeff a FAMEASSER, for 2. Billy runs in with one of the tag titles, and he hits Jeff in the back of the head with it, giving Chuck the pinfall over Jeff at 13:51. Whadda ya know? The two non-shitty parts of this match (although that is debatable) gave us the best part of the match. I rated this part **.
Now, for the overall rating. 3 out of a possible 15 stars is a...* rating. Awfully shitty for a nearly 15 minute match. Add length and how terrible that length was into the equation, and knock down half. 1/2* is my rating for that horrendous spectacle. 2nd worst tag title match at WrestleMania.
(The worst is going to be put on this channel next week...or at least I remember it being the worst.)
You see, HULK HOGAN wants to go at it alone tonight, so the other members of the NWO will not accompany him to the ring.
After that, Christian hits Mighty Molly with the top half of a two-halved door, and pins her to win the Hardcore Title. Sonofabitch.
Excuse the copy and paste job. I think this is the best review of any match I've done, so I'm proud of it.
Rock vs. Hogan. That's all the description you need.
Blow-by-blow: The staredown before the bout still gives me chills, even though I've watched this match at least 20 times. Both wrestlers lock-up, until Hogan pushes Rocky to the canvas. He poses, and the crowd goes apeshit. I still mark for this entire match, so everything is going to be insanely biased. Hogan gives Rock a shoulderblock, and poses more. Hell yeah, son! He gives him a clothesline, but Rock comes back with one of his own, and tells him to BRING IT. Rocky gives him the SPIT PUNCH, but Hogan seems deathly terrified of taking a bump over the top, so he scoots out of the ring under the bottom rope. Rocky throws Hogan back in, and clotheslines him after Hogan isn't able to backdrop the Rock. Rock goes for ROCK BOTTOM, but he gets elbowed away by Hogan, and then given a running elbow. Hogan gives him 2 elbowdrops, and a face stomp to boot. Rocky gives Hogan a spear, and the mount punch. Hogan then gives Rock a back suplex, which gets a 2 count. Hogan goes to the ABDOMINAL STRETCH, and then rolls Rock up for another 2 count. He gives Rock the BACK RAKE, and a few chops, before taking him to the corner. Over there, he gives Rock two punches, and bites him. Rocky gives him a few chops (huh), and Hogan misses a charge to the corner, but quickly gives Rock a chokeslam afterward. Hogan takes the tape off his wrists and chokes the Rock with it, and tosses Rock out over the top rope. He rams the Rock into the steel steps, and slams him throat-first onto the barrier at ringside. Hogan begins to take apart the announce table, seemingly to slam Rocky onto it, but the Rock gets there first, and rams Hogan into the table. Rock grabs a chair, but the official takes it away, preventing him from using it. Back inside, Hogan gives Rock a clothesline, and sidesteps when the Rock's running afterward, forcing the Rock to run into the official. Rock comes back with an ugly spinebuster, and the SHARPSHOOTER. Hogan gets to the ropes, but since the ref's out, why break the hold? Once Rock thinks he's done enough, he revives the referee, as the crowd chants "Rocky Sucks." Gee, they love him, don't they. Hogan gives the Rock a low blow, and a ROCK BOTTOM, which only gets 2. Hogan takes off his weight belt now, and hits Rock with it three times. If Hollywood hasn't used his belt yet, the match isn't going to be ending. Of course, he has to take some punishment too, after he misses a punch with the belt on his hand, and gets caught with a DDT by Rocky. Rock grabs the belt now, and hits Hogan with it 7 times. He gives Hogan ROCK BOTTOM, which gets an early 2 count. Oh my GAWD, he's HULKIN' UP! Boom, boom, boom, big boot, DROP THE FUCKING LEG, but it only gets 2. JR was going into raptures about how Hogan pinned Andre with the legdrop, so it's fitting that the move didn't finish the match. Hogan gives Rock another big boot, but is unable to DROP THE FUCKING LEG. Rock gives him ROCK BOTTOM, and sends him down to ROCK BOTTOM AGAIN, then kips up and gives him the MF'ING PEOPLE'S ELBOW for 3 at 16:23. After the Rock celebrates for a bit, Hogan extends his hand in friendship. The Rock accepts the gesture, so Scott Hall and Kevin Nash go to the ring. They thought Hogan was NWO 4 LIFE, but I guess he's not, so they attack him. The Rock runs back down to the ring, and cleans house, along with Hogan. He wants Hogan to pose, so he does. That's the end of WM X8...oh wait, it's not.
Match Analysis: ***. I don't have any problem with those that say the match wasn't that good, but come on. Not only that, but it should've been their only match, and the match at No Way Out 2003 should never have happened. But yeah, the show should've ended here. It would've been the perfect ending, Hogan passing the torch, and then Rocky coming back to help run off the dastardly NWO, who turned on the guy they thought was NWO 4 LIFE. For shame WWF, for shame.
(One last thing, from the present and not the C&P. You know how I said this should've ended the show? Well, this rings ever true throughout the rewatch. Everything else on this show is not worthy of being at WrestleMania. Everything.)
Lita vs. Trish vs. Jazz is our Triple Threat for the Women's Title match....
Blow-by-blow: You talk about a dead crowd, goodness. Lita and Jazz fight in the middle of the ring before Trish can run down (nice buttshorts btw), and Jazz kicks Trish in the mush when she finally gets there. Jazz gives Trish a BOSTON CRAB, Rick Martel style, and follows it up with a chickenwing toss on Lita. She's dominating the match, and gives Lita a legdrop, for 2. Jazz gives Lita a double-underhook suplex, as Trish goes out of the ring. Lita mounts a comeback with a flying headscissor, and a powerbomb on Jazz for 2. Jazz gives Lita a hotshot, and places her up top, but Trish comes in, ending whatever Jazz had in mind. Trish rolls Jazz up for 2, and reverses a Lita crossbody for a 2 count. Lita clotheslines Jazz, and in response, Trish kicks Lita and gives her a bulldog for 2. Jazz splashes Lita for 2, then gives Trish a fisherman's buster for a 2 count. You know, they're trying to do the whole Jazz thing with Beth Phoenix, and it doesn't work. Trish gives Jazz a reverse DDT for 2, then Lita and Trish get in a little argument. Lita slaps Trish and gives her a backdrop, before giving Jazz a TWIST OF FATE. Lita takes off her shirt, but misses a moonsault from the top, unfortunately. Trish rolls Lita up for 2, but seeing as that failed, she tries to give Jazz a backslide, also getting 2. Lita backdrops Jazz over the top and rams Trish into the buckle, before going UP top. Trish crotches her and gets knocked off the apron, so Jazz makes her way up and gives Lita a FISHERMAN'S BUSTER OFF THE TOP for 3 at 6:16.
Match Analysis: First off, why have the Canadian lose when the crowd is dying/dead. Give them some life. But then again, why have the Canadian win when the crowd is dead. Then it makes it look like the title change means nothing. *1/2, and I would've rated it higher, but a large part of good women's wrestling on this continent is being able to get the crowd into it. They weren't here, but when the crowd does enjoy it, the matches rock. Unfortunately, there are few matches which have fit that billing in the WWF or WWE, whatever iteration of the company you want to look at.
Christian's about to leave in a taxi, but Maven sneaks up behind him and rolls him up for the 3 count. How many title changes on the whole show have there been, 6? I think it's 6, to this point. Anyway, Maven jumps in the taxi and leaves. Not only did Christian lose the Hardcore Title, he lost his luggage as well. Then he throws a temper tantrum, likely because he lost a 100 dollar pair of underwear or something.
The (un-anticipated) main event on this card is Triple H vs. Chris Jericho w/Stephanie McMahon for the Undisputed Championship.
Blow-by-blow: Drowning Pool plays HHH to the ring, but this time, I don't fast-forward. Why? Because I like this song, at least as much as you can like a Drowning Pool song. Jericho goes for the knee at the beginning of the match, but HHH just gives him a backdrop in response. Two clotheslines follow, and so does a high knee. HHH sells the leg injury afterward, so Jericho backdrops him over the top. HHH slams Jericho from the top rope to the floor as Jericho tried to leap on HHH, and HHH gives Jericho a suplex on the outside. HHH peels apart the announce tables, but Jericho gives him a few front leg back kicks to prevent anything from occuring. Inside, HHH gives Jericho a spear, but Jericho responds by going right back to the leg. Jericho gives HHH three elbowdrops, and kicks HHH's leg twice, before going to the eyes. HHH responds with a kneebreaker and a FIGURE-FOUR, until Stephanie McMahon forces HHH to break the hold. HHH pulls her onto the apron, and makes Jericho run into her, knocking her down to the floor. HHH then tosses her in, but Jericho gives him a missile dropkick. Jericho rams HHH's leg into the post and applies a leglock soon after, before ramming HHH's knee into the canvas. Jericho slaps on the RINGPOST FIGURE-FOUR (original is better in this case), but he can't hold it for too long anyway. Jericho applies a spinning toehold next, and uses the ropes, until HHH kicks him into the buckle. HHH follows that up with a neckbreaker, and a clothesline for a 2 count. HHH continues the assault with the knee to the face, and a spinebuster, which gets a 2 count. Jericho tosses HHH over the top rope to catch a break, and then they both go toward the announce tables. Jericho tries the WALLS OF JERICHO on one announce table (like, what does that add to the move, exactly), but he can't get the move to work. HHH then goes for the PEDIGREE, but Jericho backdrops him onto and through the other announce table. Back in and a LIONSAULT gets 2, twice. Nobody really cares. Little finisher reversal sequence here, which ends in the WALLS OF JERICHO. HHH makes the ropes, of course, like everyone else does. Stephanie gets on the apron to distract the referee as Jericho grabs a chair, but HHH kicks the chair in Jericho's face and DDT's him onto the chair for a 2 count. Stephanie now has the chair, but the referee takes it away...leaving her with no defense against HHH. HHH gives her a PEDIGREE to a substantial pop, but Jericho hits him with a chair, for 2. Jericho goes for the JERICHOGREE or something, but it's not happenin'. HHH rams him into the buckle and gives him the PEDIGREE, to win the Undisputed Title at 18:41. HHH celebrates, to end the show.
Match Analysis: It wasn't even a bad match. It was actually a good match...but for that crowd. Man, that killed everything for me. **3/4. The Stephanie shit got really tiresome throughout, to be fair.
Rating: Decent. Just a regular, standard PPV show.
Best Segment: Uh, Rock/Hogan. Not close, really.
Worst Segment: Dudleys vs. Hardys vs. APA vs. Billy and Chuck. Awful.
I'll put up a WrestleMania VIII review sometime before or on Wednesday.