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Miss Cromartie Tournament I

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Xavier Cromartie

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It's like the Miss TSM Tournament, but I make all the rules and do all the voting!

 

RULES:

1. Girls only. The hottest girls. For the purposes of this tournament, only their looks matter.

2. Age limit of 17+ (Disqualified: Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez.)

3. The girls shall be famous. 'Fame' is defined as having 5+ pictures turn up on Google Images. (Disqualified: Leena, local girls.)

4. Voting shall be based on current physical form (Disqualified: Dead porn stars.)

5. Voting between two girls shall be determined by which one I would rather creampie (while considering all possible real-life consequences).

6. Seeding is simply the order in which I added the girls to the tournament. Upsets can and will happen.

 

("And the seventh thing, I like the most that you dooooo...")

 

7. Brackets shall be broken into four geographic regions: North (Europe), South (Latin America), West (North America), and East (Asia). Each bracket shall contain 16 girls who fit in that region.

 

ROUND 1 (64)

 

NORTH (Europe)

 

1. Scarlett Johansson (Denmark)

16. Monica Bellucci (Italy)

 

8. Angelina Jolie (Slovakia)

9. Veronica Zemanova (Czech Republic)

 

5. Lucy Pinder (England)

12. Olga Kurylenko (Ukraine)

 

4. Audrey Bitoni (Italy)

13. Layla El (England) - Difficult decision.

 

3. Eliza Dushku (Albania)

14. Mila Kunis (Ukraine)

 

6. Petra Nemcova (Czech Republic) - Czech girls are babes.

11. Ashley Robbins (Czech Republic)

 

7. Lacey Chabert (France)

10. Alyson Michalka (Ukraine)

 

2. Kim Kardashian (Armenia)

15. Alyssa Milano (Italy)

 

SOUTH (Latin America)

 

1. Mariah Carey (Venezuela)

16. Somaya Reece (Puerto Rico) - Super upset alert! Mariah looks great, but Somaya is insane.

 

8. Roselyn Sanchez (Puerto Rico)

9. Christina Milian (Cuba)

 

5. Eva Avila (Peru)

12. Jessica Alba (Mexico)

 

4. Paulina Rubio (Mexico) - Hottest 37-year-old ever.

13. Sienna West (Mexico(?))

 

3. Alessandra Ambrosio (Brazil)

14. Jenaveve Jolie (Mexico)

 

6. Shakira (Colombia) - More of a good girlfriend.

11. Alexis Amore (Peru)

 

7. Eva Longoria (Mexico)

10. Nina Mercedez (Mexico) - Here's a possible George Mason.

 

2. Adriana Lima (Brazil)

15. Paula DeAnda (Mexico) - Would have beaten quite a few other people.

 

WEST (North America)

 

1. Ashley Tisdale (USA)

16. Morgan Webb (Canada)

 

8. Katherine McPhee (USA)

9. Paris Hilton (USA)

 

5. Elisha Cuthbert (Canada)

12. Pandora Dreams (Native American) - Tough draw.

 

4. Kelly Kelly (USA)

13. Lindy Slinger (USA) - She's a Tisdale clone!

 

3. Tiffani Amber Thiessen (USA) - Back in the day, she'd have final four potential.

14. Hilary Duff (USA)

 

6. Kristy Lee Cook (USA)

11. Julie Dubela (USA) - Love the attitude.

 

7. Lanny Barbie (Canada) - It's amazing that she does porn.

10. Brenna Gethers (USA)

 

2. Shyla Stylez (Canada)

15. JoJo (Native American)

 

EAST (Asia)

 

1. Vanessa Hudgens (Philippines)

16. Satomi Yoshida (Japan)

 

8. Moon Bloodgood (South Korea) - She gives those sexy looks.

9. Kaylani Lei (Singapore)

 

5. Koda Kumi (Japan) - Wins the coincidental Cutie Honey battle.

12. Eriko Sato (Japan)

 

4. Brenda Song (Laos) - Not an instant decision.

13. Leah Dizon (China)

 

3. Miranda Kerr (Australia)

14. Sayaka Ando (Japan)

 

6. Miwa Oshiro (Japan)

11. Natsuki Iijima (Japan) - Minor upset.

 

7. Aishwarya Rai (India)

10. Tera Patrick (Thailand) - Damn, India vs. Thailand. Both rock.

 

2. Reon Kadena (Japan)

15. Chisato Morishita (Japan)

 

ROUND 2 (32)

 

NORTH (Europe)

 

1. Scarlett Johansson (Denmark)

9. Veronica Zemanova (Czech Republic) - Hail to the Czechs.

 

5. Lucy Pinder (England) - Tits only get you so far.

13. Layla El (England)

 

3. Eliza Dushku (Albania) - Too girlfriendy.

6. Petra Nemcova (Czech Republic)

 

10. Alyson Michalka (Ukraine)

2. Kim Kardashian (Armenia) - You know you're hot when you beat a Disney girl.

 

SOUTH (Latin America)

 

16. Somaya Reece (Puerto Rico) - So hot.

8. Roselyn Sanchez (Puerto Rico)

 

5. Eva Avila (Peru)

4. Paulina Rubio (Mexico)

 

3. Alessandra Ambrosio (Brazil)

11. Alexis Amore (Peru)

 

10. Nina Mercedez (Mexico)

2. Adriana Lima (Brazil) - This matchup happened too early. I want inside them both.

 

WEST (North America)

 

1. Ashley Tisdale (USA)

8. Katherine McPhee (USA)

 

5. Elisha Cuthbert (Canada) - You know you're hot when you beat a Tisdale clone.

13. Lindy Slinger (USA)

 

3. Tiffani Amber Thiessen (USA)

6. Kristy Lee Cook (USA)

 

7. Lanny Barbie (Canada) - I'd rather creampie Lanny.

2. Shyla Stylez (Canada) - But I'd rather fuck Shyla because of her sexual ability.

 

EAST (Asia)

 

1. Vanessa Hudgens (Philippines)

8. Moon Bloodgood (South Korea)

 

5. Koda Kumi (Japan)

4. Brenda Song (Laos)

 

3. Miranda Kerr (Australia)

11. Natsuki Iijima (Japan)

 

10. Tera Patrick (Thailand)

2. Reon Kadena (Japan) - Chalk.

 

ROUND 3 (Sweet 16)

 

NORTH (Europe)

 

9. Veronica Zemanova (Czech Republic)

13. Layla El (England)

 

6. Petra Nemcova (Czech Republic)

2. Kim Kardashian (Armenia) - Too gorgeous to allow the all-Czech battle.

 

SOUTH (Latin America)

 

16. Somaya Reece (Puerto Rico)

4. Paulina Rubio (Mexico) - Fuck, what a matchup.

 

3. Alessandra Ambrosio (Brazil)

2. Adriana Lima (Brazil) - Look at her eyes, holy shit.

 

WEST (North America)

 

1. Ashley Tisdale (USA)

5. Elisha Cuthbert (Canada) - I considered having her actually beat Tisdale, but no.

 

3. Tiffani Amber Thiessen (USA)

7. Lanny Barbie (Canada) - I'm surprised she's still going. Cuthbert crushes her.

 

EAST (Asia)

 

1. Vanessa Hudgens (Philippines)

4. Brenda Song (Laos) - Would have won a few years ago.

 

3. Miranda Kerr (Australia)

2. Reon Kadena (Japan) - No one has really challenged her.

 

ROUND 4 (Elite 8)

 

NORTH (Europe)

 

9. Veronica Zemanova (Czech Republic)

2. Kim Kardashian (Armenia) - Practically a toss-up.

 

SOUTH (Latin America)

 

4. Paulina Rubio (Mexico) - A sexiness that transcends time.

2. Adriana Lima (Brazil)

 

WEST (North America)

 

1. Ashley Tisdale (USA) - No contest.

7. Lanny Barbie (Canada)

 

EAST (Asia)

 

1. Vanessa Hudgens (Philippines) - It's almost not fair to put her in Asia.

2. Reon Kadena (Japan)

 

ROUND 5 (Final 4)

 

NORTH (Europe) vs. SOUTH (Latin America)

 

2. Kim Kardashian (Armenia)

4. Paulina Rubio (Mexico) - She's less curvy but still definitely sexier.

 

WEST (North America) vs. EAST (Asia)

 

1. Ashley Tisdale (USA) - Hudgens was better in High School Musical 1 but not anymore.

1. Vanessa Hudgens (Philippines)

 

ROUND 6 (Championship)

 

WORLD CUP

 

4. Paulina Rubio (Mexico)

1. Ashley Tisdale (USA) - She's simply invincible right now.

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Since the group of 64 ladies was hastily put together, I will use this space to list lasses who should be considered for inclusion next year:

 

Dillan Lauren (Spain)

Amber Lee Ettinger (USA)

Jelena Jensen (Germany)

Defrancesca Gallardo (Italia)

Taylor Hayes (USA)

Tia Bella (Greece)

Heather Wild (Czech Republic)

Asa Akira (Japan)

Amy Reid (Germany) - not cute but has an outstanding body

Christine Alexis (USA)

Monique Fuentes (Colombia)

Lisa Ann (USA)

Catalina Cruz (Mexico)

Hana Melonova (Czech Republic)

Kianna Dior (South Korea)

Sarah Vandella (USA)

Denise Milani (Czech Republic)

Lacey Duvalle (USA)

Paola Rey (Brazil)

Samantha Lucci (USA)

Kayden Kross (Sweden)

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