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Final Best and Worst of Awards 08

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Gary Floyd

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-Comercials that most need to end-The Geico Cavemen. Look, it was amusing at first, but it got old fast. Now it's gotten past the point of flogging a dead horse-it's practically sodomizing it. The more I see these, the more annoyed I get.

 

-The finally cancelled award-Mind of Mencia and MadTV. While Mencia was horrible, it didn't pollute the airwaves as long as MadTV did. For giving the world terrible music video parodies, Ms. Swan, Stuart (I want to personally kill Michael McDonald), that annoying old lady who plugged her ears and said "La La La" over and over again, Bobby Lee, and helping to make Frank Caliendo a star, it may be the worst comedy show in history. At least it gave us Nicole Sullivan (who has always been easy on the eyes,), Phil Lamarr (who's turned out to be a pretty good voice actor), and Artie Lang, but that doesn't make for a case for forgivness. The crimes it has comitted are far too numerous.

 

-People actually like this?-Twilight. Really, when I was a kid, I saw a picture of Nosferatu. It gave me nightmares. Vampires should be cool, not this retarded shit. This almost makes the goth chic vampires of "Underworld" and their ilk look tolerable.

 

-Worst Food Network Personality-Guy Fieri. In a network with Paula Deen and Rachel Ray (who I'd fuck given the chance), this bleach blonede, sunglasses on the back of my head wearing douche makes my blood boil. My hatred of this man knows no bounds.

 

-Best type of Metal-Doom Metal. I like Technical Death Metal and Thrash and some Black Metal, but Doom is the best.

 

-Worst Critic-Armond White. A man who unironically references the Ting-Tings, hated "The Dark Knight", "Milk", "There Will Be Blood", "Slumdog Millionaire", and other acclaimed movies, but loved "Norbit" and "Chuck and Larry", he has to be a practical joke.

 

-Most Certifiable insane Presidential candidates-Cynthia McKinney and Lee Mercer jr. McKinney believes 9/11 conspiracies, that the government killed 5,000 men in New Orleans, and hates the Jews (kkktookmybabyaway comment forthcoming.) Mercer though-it's a shame his site is gone, because he was a whole golden pot of insanity. He also looked an awful lot like Michael Clark Duncan. Look him up on Google, you will be entertained for hours.

 

-Worst Avatar-Anyone with their picture as an Avatar-especially Enigma and NoCalMike. I can't believe I used to like Mike.

 

-Farewell To These Shows-"The Shield", "Pushing Daisies", and "The Wire." Shield and Wire are tied for me as best crime show ever, and had great runs, and while "Daisies" isn't gone yet, it will be soon. At least I still have "The Venture Bros."

 

-One Gets Worse and One Gets Better-"Family Guy" and "American Dad." "Family Guy" is so terrible now, I wonder if Seth isn't pulling some kind of "Wacky Deli" style prank on us. "American Dad" however, is much better, as it actually is funny, pays attention to things like plot and characterization, and doesn't rely on bad cut away gags. Plus, the social commentary is less forced and preachy.

 

-Worst Wrestling Promotion-TNA. I rarely mention wrestling here anymore, but TNA is like WCW in it's late period levels bad. It's like some kind of Dadaist interpretation of Professional Wrestling.

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Mad TV also gave us Orlando Jones whom I really like. I really liked Mad TV season 1, and thought season 2 was enjoyable. Had the show ended after season 2 things would have been perfect.

 

Edit: Is Guy Fieri the douchebag that does TGI Friday's commercials and is all over their menus?

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