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A Day in the Blagojevich Trial

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Gary Floyd

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Well, at least when he starts showing up

 

.9:30-Blagojevich enters building

 

.9:45-Jesse Jackson's kid comments on accusations while under oath. He begins to speak like his father, saying "I wanna cut (Rod's) nuts off."

 

.10:00-Blagojevich saddened when he learns Sifl and Olly can't be a part of his defense team-and that they are fictional characters.

 

.10:25-Blagojevich tries to defend his "Harry Potter" slash fan fiction.

 

.10:35-Blagojevich and prosecutors come to agreement that "Blagosphere" is one of the most retarded things ever to be uttered by the news media.

 

.10:55-Blagojevich compares self to The GZA.

 

.11:30-Judge giggles and titters like a schoolgirl when he discovers Zach Effron is one of the prosecutors.

 

.11:45-Awkward moment in which Rahm Emanuel says he can still smell wife on his index and middle fingers.

 

.11:50-Things become more awkward when someone says they "smell a little bit of the gay around here." Enigma is then expelled from the building. Sadly, he still posts at TSM.

 

.12:00-Lunchbreak! Today it's Dominos. Rahm's wife thinks it's too much like wet cardboard with cheese and Pizzasauce.

 

.1:00-Trial resumes.

 

.1:45-Illinois Senator Dick Durbin tells us us of his anger over "The Wrestler" and "The Dark Knight" not being nominated for best picture.

 

.2:15-Robert Byrd shows up for no reason-it happens from time to time.

 

.2:50-Burris says something about a "serial pillist"

 

.3:15-Harry Reid disagrees with Blagojevich's "National Jingus Sucks Week" initiative. Nation mourns.

 

.3:50-Senate confused when Blagojevich says "she rolled on my dick like an ectasy pill."

 

.4:00-Trial ends for the day.

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