So I think it's officially over with her. Here is the arguement, check it out, Her stuff is in quotes. This was over the myspace email. ironicly the website that she met her buddies on that broke us up. This all started last night when she tried to chew me out for reading her myspace messages right in front of her friends.

So what exactly was your deal last night?

Well you attacked me in front of your friend. Which you did for 1 of 2 reasons. 1. You have no tact and say the first thing that comes to your head without thinking, which I haven't ever witnessed before, so i don't think that was it. Or 2. You wanted to complain about something in front of her to make yourself look cool and make me look like the bad guy to support your stories about bad your life is thanks to me. Which is totally childish and moronic.

Now I understand why you said it. And I agree I shouldn't read messages before you cuz then you can't see if you got new ones. I totally get that and agree. But you have to understand that I HAVE to do that. The reason being, you delete everything the second after you do it, so I can't see it. Which is shady and scandelous and fucked up.

So basically you tried to humiliate me and look cool in front of your friend and your acting like I had no right to be upset? Your lucky I left before I exploded on you and caused a huge scene. I saved you getting yelling at and having to deal with reality and I saved jessi the akwardness of having to witness it. I think leaving is the only thing I could have done after what you pulled.

I said that because I don't fucking do that to you. Like you said, you understand, and you should because I can't see if I have any new messages. Secondly, I really don't even check your shit anymore. It's gotten to the point where I feel like everything will happen for a reason if it in fact does happen, and I don't feel like I have control over anything in this world anymore, so it's pointless. I don't want a fight over every single person I talk to that you don't know, and that's why I delete everything. I feel like you check it every minute that I'm not around you, and I think that's because you feel like it's the only thing left that you can control.

 

I didn't even mean to get upset with you last night, but when you shot me right back with "well, you do it to me", false accusations and I'm not going to fucking put up with it. I've been pushed and stretched so far the last couple months that I'm simply not going to put up with it anymore. And I would have said the exact same thing around you if Jesi was here or not, regardless. When you just leave without even TELLING me, though..I just wish you would have at least said something along the lines of "I have to get out", or ANYTHING.

well that just proves your a scandelous person. good for you. I check it every time I do because I don't trust you. And you've given me every reason not to. I trusted you more the day I met you than I do now. And using MY computer to fucking hit on other guys is beyond fucked up, guys from Lincoln no less. Don't even try to lie, I've seen enough.

You have been pushed and stretched?

HAHAHA

Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Everything you are feeling and everything that is happening to you is a direct result from your actions. I don't feel sorry for you at all. You have put ME through so much shit in the last few months and I have given you nothing but space and didn't bitch about shit. you said you don't wanna talk about stuff and I don't say anything. And you still treat me like shit. I've done nothing but try to NOT control you and let you do whatever, and you just keep fucking making it worse and keep stabbing me in the back.

Now you are just using me for my computer and to pay rent. What a great person you have become.

I have not fucking tried to hit on anyone, so don't even give me that shit. A lot of guys take a while to get the hint that I only want to be their friend, and I know exactly what you are talking about, so you're fucking wrong. I have not given you any reason not to trust me other than the fact that you just don't. You think EVERYTHING I do is wrong, and you think everything I do is 'scandalous'. The only thing that's changed is that we both actually have space now, and because you don't know what's going on EVERY second of my life, you feel like you can't trust me. I don't want to fucking be with anyone else, so I would not waste my time trying. If you don't want to be around here anymore, fine. We can figure something out. Quite frankly, I think I'm about done with it.

Oh so you know exactly what I'm talking about huh? So you know I was reading all your AIM conversations for a couple weeks then....oh thats right you didn't. I stopped reading that after I became completely disgusted with what was going on. The only thing I think that isn't wrong is hang out with your friends, and when your with them I don't worry about what your doing at all. At first I did, then I got over it, then I trusted you, then you kept pushing me away, so I stopped trusting you as much, then I saw all the shit I saw(pics you've taken, that you thought were gone forever after deleting them) and I completely stopped trusting you. But I still didn't worry about what you were doing because I simply didn't care.

So saying you don't want to be with anyone else is bullshit. You may not want a serious relationship with someone, but you want other guys, thats a fact, don't even try to lie about it. You'd be with another guy weeks after we broke up, I just know it. And yes I do think I know everything, I mean I only told you exactly what you were gonna do since day 1. 4 months later you realize I was right. I knew what you were thinking before you even thought it.

The ONLY thing that changed is you. I've said it a million times, you've become less mature and more shady as time went on. i've never seen anything like it. People usually grow up, not down. Just like everyone has told me, you won't see what you've done until it's over, and it really appears that you think you've done nothing wrong. You've done nothing but hurt our relationship for the past 4 months. I've been way too nice in dealing with this crap and put up with you using me for way too long. So if you think you are "done with it" then I suggest you get on the phone to Scott Steen(landlord). You have wasted enough of my time with your "confusion" and excuses.

Obvious you haven't trusted me, and I can never have that back, so fair enough. I don't give a shit. If shit is bothering you, then maybe you should have talked about it rather than thrown it at me all at once when it doesn't even matter anymore. You're so ridiculous that I can't even believe it. I thought I still loved you, but now I know that's completely gone. You think that I'M the one who's being immature here? You're the one who's gone to fucking extreme lengths to try and get into my life when all you could have done is talk to me about it. You're the one who always pushes me down, and then you sit here and constantly eat at me and kick me when I'm down, by fucking insulting me every way possible. I'm so numb to everything anymore that it doesn't even matter. I never thought someone who meant so much to me could say such hurtful things, but I guess I was wrong. I am beyond done with this. I still wanted to be your friend if ANYTHING ever happened, but I don't think I can ever forgive any of this.

What was so hurtful? All I did was call you out on your lies.

I had to go to extreme lengths, not to "get in your life" cuz for one thing I should already know what is going on with you, and mostly it was to really see what kind of person you've become. It was sad to say the least.

Talk about it? Are you kidding me? seriously you can't be that stupid. Remember the whole...."I don't wanna talk about it" you only told me that like 20 times.

And do you seriously think I can forgive you for the last 4 months of my life being hell? I knew we wouldn't be friends after this because all the hurt you've caused me. I wasn't going to ever let myself forget that.

You think I "push you down" cuz you think you shouldn't have explain things or answer to me, because your not thinking of the relationship and you haven't been for months. You are only thinking about you. I've been thinking about us when I should have just realized there is no getting through to you. If you didn't want me questioning things all the time, then maybe you shouldn't do fucked up shit.

I said nothing hurtful, I only spoke the truth. If it's insulting, then maybe the shoe fits. I never thought I could finally change so much for someone and commit myself to that person and all I get in return is screwed over. And you seriously think that you are getting a raw deal here, that is just insane to me. One day you will really see what you've done.

I already know what I've done, and all I've done is hurt myself and you, and I can't change that. I can't change anything, because it's gone too far. Your life is not the only one that's been hell for so long, so don't only feel sorry for yourself. Yeah, I feel bad about everything that has happened, but I can't change anything..and I can't change what I feel. I feel like this has been over forever, but my mind kept conflicting with my feelings and telling me not to give up. Why? I don't know..maybe because I didn't know any better. But I can't sit here and let you get me down, and make me feel like total fucking trash when I'm not the only one who has completely contributed to the problem. I never thought it would end like this, really, but everything happens for a reason I guess.

I blame myself for very little of the problem. I blame myself for getting on your case right away. That was wrong, I should have waited until I had a big reason instead of just a hunch, even though I was probably right about the hunch. And I also blame myself for signing a lease with you. I actually trusted you when you said that you would love me for a year longer. I shouldn't have.

I only do feel sorry for myself, because I'm only thinking of me now, just like you have been for the past 4 months. It's all your fault we signed the lease, I trusted you, it's all your fault that we have to move again. I would feel bad that you have to move out, but it is your fault.

Actually I do feel bad for you, I feel bad about the fact that you threw away such a good thing and that you will be missing out big time. As the months go on, you'll realize that.

I like how I'm calling you out on your lies and you don't have anything to say but "i don't give a shit". Thats great. Maybe I'm proving to you finally that you've become everything you hate, lying to me, being hypocrite, and who knows maybe cheating, at least wanting to cheat.

Everything happens for a reason my ass. Does God have a plan for you to lie to me? Is that what your saying? Was God's plan for you to hurt to me, at the expense of turning you from someone I loved and admired into someone who would stab me in the back? Bullshit. It's all random events, and maybe someday you'll get fucked over as much as I have and you'll see it my way.

I'm sorry you feel like trash, but the truth hurts and I've dealt with it for months now. You have nobody to blame but yourself for feeling like garbage. This is all a direct result of your actions. It does NOT bring me great joy to make you feel like this, I didn't expect you'd feel bad at all actually. I do still care for you, maybe in time I will forgive you for all of this and we can be cool, but I'll never forget it. What was that thing you said once "It's all about the Karma".....wow...how fucking ironic? damn.

well she didn't say anything back, cuz she pretty much got owned, so right now I'm upstairs on the comp, and she's downstairs watching tv. I wonder WTF is gonna happen tonight.