HTQ on the debut of ECW on Sci-Fi
The first show of the new ECW era was one of the most terrible, mind-numbingly awful one-hours of television in modern wrestling history. Looking like something excreted by Vince Russo after he overdosed on LSD and caffeine pills, the first television show of the ‘new’ ECW could only have been put together by someone with absolutely no real clue or concept about what made ECW. It was filled with the kind of craptacular gimmickry that was the hallmark of Vince Russo, along with the kind of nonsensical booking that is fast becoming, if it hasn’t already, the hallmark of Vince McMahon.
Within ten minutes of ECW restarting, their two faces, Paul Heyman and Rob Van Dam, had been outsmarted and reduced to second tier status in favor of the WWE top guns John Cena and Edge. Edge and John Cena almost effortlessly outsmarted and beat up Heyman and Van Dam, before casually walking off without a care in the world, while the rest of the ECW locker room sat in the back with their collective thumbs up their collective asses. In the next segment, which literally reeked of WWE, we had Heyman rallying the troops and declaring that if WWE wanted to bring it to ECW then ECW would bring it to WWE this Monday on Raw. The first plug for a television program on the new ECW and it’s for a WWE show. How about doing something to plug for the next ECW show first?
The first match featured what could go down as one of the worst gimmicks of the modern era but, fingers crossed, will only go down as a one-night aberration the likes of which harkened back to the dark days of WCW, as The Zombie came shuffling out, complete with powered face and B-movie make-up. When The Zombie started grunting, literally, into the mic, I was immediately reminded of an Ultimate Warrior promo. Thankfully, it didn’t last long as The Sandman, along with his generic sounding uninspiring music, came out and caned The Zombie into the ground and quickly pinned him. That right there was the first ever match of the ‘new’ ECW era, and I don’t think I could come up with a worse way to debut the new ECW.
One of the worst booking disasters was having Paul Heyman announce that, due to what Cena and Edge had done to Van Dam, he was scrapping what he had planned for the rest of the show and was instead going to have a battle royal, under extreme rules, with the winner going on to face John Cena at Vengeance, and also coming with the rest of the ECW crew to Raw on Monday. The major problem I had with this was Heyman shouldn’t be coming on and telling people that whatever he had planned was scrapped because of what WWE did to them. It makes Heyman and ECW look like pussies for caving in to the attack from WWE and abandoning whatever plans he had made to make the first ECW show memorable for the fans. Shouldn’t the ECW fans be dictating what happens on ECW television? Heyman should have come out and said to hell with WWE, we’re doing what ECW does best, an extreme battle royal, and I’m now going to put the winner of that battle royal into a match with Cena at Vengeance. That way, you still wind up with a match set for Vengeance, but it puts ECW over stronger because they’re not seen to give in to WWE and are also the ones forcing Cena into a match. The way it was played out made it appear as if ECW were doing something they didn’t really want and they came across all the weaker for it.
I don’t know what the point of Kelly was. A big-titted bleach blonde bimbo teases going naked and then does one of the least-sexiest dances I’ve ever seen and doesn’t even show her ass or full breast, after two big teases that she would. I know nudity wasn’t going to happen, and the people at home probably knew that the nudity was never going to happen, but why on earth do you tease something like that that you aren’t going to deliver? Sure, it might peak the ratings for one segment, but it sure will leave a bad taste in people’s mouths.
And what was the deal with that vampire-like clown half-way through the show?
Heading into the debut of the ‘new’ ECW, some people were holding up hope that it would at least show that WWE Creative were capable of trying something new, and that there might be a light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel. Instead, we got all that worst elements of WWE, WCW and ECW rolled up into one giant piece of shit.
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