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62. John Cena: Inane Wrestler Ratings.

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62.

 

Someone gave me the idea to stupidly rate wrestlers with my little wrestling knowledge, and so I shall.

 

Here is my criteria:

 

Match Quality: 25%

Sexxiness: 35%

Charisma/Interviews/Intangibles: 40%

 

And we shall start with John Cena. Just because everyone here hates him.

 

Match Quality:

 

Even though I'm a silly mark, I know Cena is a god-awful wrestler. The majority of his matches are him getting his ass kicked, with poor selling. Comes back with his shitty set of moves... five whatever punch, FU, STFU and stuff. It's lame, and everyone knows it. The only positive I have with Cena is he has been in some decent brawls... Judgment Day '05 with JBL is generally regarded as a fine brawl, and one of his PPV's with Taker, the one with the steel chain a few years ago, a pretty good match. But, Cena generally blows now... so, he gets 6/25

 

Sexxiness:

 

Cena is a pretty boy, no doubt. And he has just about the perfect body for a wrestler. Muscular, but not too big. Only negatives would be that he's got a naturally goofy face. And usually looking wiggerish is always a deterrent. Therefore, 28/35

 

Charisma/Stuff:

 

This section includes the main reason I watch wrestling... to see crappy actors try to put on entertaining segments. And obviously, this is where Cena shines. He's the most fluent speaker in WWE since Rocky. He never sounds like he's spouting lines, and there's usually emotion in his speech. Although, that's changed in the past year or so, with his neutered, lame character. He's ok with his facial reactions, but he overdoes them at times.

 

And as far as his segments being entertaining... that's dropped a ton recently. Not his fault... but, seeing him basically admit that he's an inferior wrestler to HHH a few times. Bad, bad, bad. He was OK back in the heel rapper days... but, Cena needs major transformation to be a decent face. So, overall in this section, I give John: 25/40

 

John Cena

Overall: 59%

 

He fails. Go away.

 

I don't know who to do next.

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I'll make a list for you

 

Alex Shelley

Rob Van Dam

Samoa Joe

Mysterio

Chris Sabin

Bryan Danielson

Jeff Jarrett

Paul London

Austin Aries

 

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Randy Orton.

 

We have heard Leena's thoughts on Orton, plently.

 

You can never hear enough about Randy Orton.

 

That, and I want to know what she takes points off for.

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I'll make a list for you

 

Alex Shelley

Rob Van Dam

Samoa Joe

Mysterio

Chris Sabin

Bryan Danielson

Jeff Jarrett

Paul London

Austin Aries

 

OK.

 

Poor AmDrag. :(

 

Orton will be next though.

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Orton will be next though.

I'd put him close to 100%.

 

The match quality score might be less than perfect because of the WWE style and lack of quality opponents. He deserves a perfect 75/75 in the other two categories, though.

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Orton will be next though.

I'd put him close to 100%.

 

The match quality score might be less than perfect because of the WWE style and lack of quality opponents. He deserves a perfect 75/75 in the other two categories, though.

 

I never thought of how Randall would be if the WWE style didn't hold him back.

 

I think it's safe to say he'd be the greatest worker in ROH.

 

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Orton will be next though.

I'd put him close to 100%.

 

The match quality score might be less than perfect because of the WWE style and lack of quality opponents. He deserves a perfect 75/75 in the other two categories, though.

 

I never thought of how Randall would be if the WWE style didn't hold him back.

 

I think it's safe to say he'd be the greatest worker in ROH.

 

Without question.

 

He'd also be the greatest heel ever in ROH by a long shot. I think he'd do well down there especially if he could somehow do double duty with the WWE and ROH.

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