KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 27, 2006 Instead of the usual beautiful pyro, we open to a shot of the General Managers’ door, with ‘EARLIER TODAY’ flashing at the bottom of the screen. The door opens, and inside are 29 of the OAOAST’s brightest stars, all seated, in front of the General Manager’s desk, where GM Axel and the OAOAST Champion Peter Knight are discussing something. They stop, turning to face the crowd, and the GM begins to address the locker room. AXEL Gentlemen. This Sunday, you will all be a part of the Lethal Rumble match. Now, as you know, I defeated some of the greatest superstars in OAOAST History to win last years’ Rumble, and go on to AngleMania to become the OAOAST Champion. One of you will complete half that equation by winning the match this Sunday. You will not, however, get past the man standing to my left at AngleMania. But, you have a chance to win the biggest match of your lives this Sunday. The superstars flash each other looks, wondering where the address is going. AXEL Now, as you know, Zack Malibu is in the Rumble. I couldn’t stop that from happening, so hey, I thought I’d make things interesting. Zack was the last man I threw over the top rope last year, and a past winner, which makes him the odds on favourite. And the last thing Peter and I want is another Zack Malibu AngleMania Main Event. So, we offer this. PK grabs a briefcase, opening it for the locker room to see. The stars’ eyes light up, a few crack smiles, with guys like Tony Brannigan and Dan Black looking at each other, a mixture of concern and intrigue on their faces. AXEL One Hundred Thousand Dollars. This will be given to whatever person, or group of people, throw Zack Malibu out of the Lethal Rumble match. It could be one of you. You could strike a deal with your tag partner, or you could get a group of five guys together. I don’t really care, and neither does Peter. To the individual or group that gets the job done, think of this as a winter bonus. I’m feeling generous, as today is Australia Day. Any questions? LEON RODEZ (standing) Yeah, I got one. You really think you’re going to win us over with money? PK taps Axel on the shoulder, signalling that he’ll field the question. PK Leon, we don’t think… we know. Look at the men in front of us. A selection of the best OAOAST stars. Never mind the press you get from winning the Rumble match, but if you throw Malibu out, you don’t just get this briefcase. You get our respect. And when you got the champ’s respect, you get ahead. AXEL And when you have the General Manager’s respect, you get first class seats, penthouse hotel rooms, your own locker room, more merchandise, more appearances and most importantly, title matches. I don’t think I have to be any clearer than that. KNIGHT Gentlemen, do you want to throw all we're offering to you here away because of some misguided loyality to Zack? Think about it. AXEL Thank you Gentlemen, now if you’d kindly return to your locker rooms and prepare for your matches. The Superstars get out of their seats, walking out of the office in a group, discussing what has just been announced. The GPX, Bohemoth, Jamie O’Hara and Christian Wright stay behind, and the Upstarts begin to talk amongst themselves, with Axel closing the briefcase, and sitting at his desk, a smirk on his face, as we fade out. Ok, NOW it's time for pyro and all the hoopla that signals the beginning of another action and drama packed episode of HeldDOWN~! This week, Phoenix, Arizona is our home and we head into the arena to find yet another screaming crowd with their signage held up to grab the attention of the cameras. Unfortunately, none are very creative so we quickly sweep to Sofa Central and your hosts, Triple Cee. COACH Wow, harsh director this week. MICHAEL COLE Welcome to Phoenix everyone for the final HeldDOWN before AnglePalooza! Michael Cole here, and the locker room is still talking about what you just saw go down earlier today. Axel, our "esteemed" General Manager, has put a $100,000 bounty on the head of Zack Malibu for the Lethal Rumble match this Sunday! COACH Axel has to be one of the smartest GMs we've ever had. Hell, I'm even thinking of taking someone out to get their spot. CABOOSE Right. You couldn't take out my grandmother if she was entered. COLE Zack Malibu arrived at the arena after that meeting and we hope to get a reaction from him later tonight. Also, we've got the final two first round matches in the 2006 Anderson Cup and much more. But first, we're going to kick it off with a match that was cancelled last week, but is ready to go tonight. Let's throw it up to Michael Buffer! "DUUUUUN DUNDUNDUNDUNDUUUN DUNDUNDUN DUNDUNDUN..." "C'mon man" "DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK..." Wackiness is abound, as "Mama Said Knock You Out" complete with Godzilla intro (just for fun) hits. And luckily, Leon Rodez's car hasn't broke down mysteriously this week, meaning he's free to burst through the curtain and show off his sparkling silver robe for all. A big cheer goes up for Rodez, who is flanked by fellow World Tag Team Champion Zack Malibu. With a little jig, Rodez heads towards the ring with a smile on his face...looking much more sociable than his second for the night, who trails behind his partner. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall and the winner will be entered into this Sunday's Lethal Rumble Match at Number 30! Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by ZACK MALIBU! Hailing from Grand Rapids, Michigan...he weighs in tonight at two hundred, twenty eight pounds. One half of the OAOAST World Tag Team Champions! "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLEEEEEEOOOOOONN RRRROOOOOOOODDEEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE What a way to start off OAOAST HeldDOWN~! A match held over from last week, due to transportation problems for this man Leon Rodez, which will determine who earns the prestigous number 30 spot in this year's Lethal Rumble Match! And with just three days to go until AnglePalooza, what a crucial match this is. For the winner, the knowledge that he has the easiest task of the 30 men in the Rumble...and for the loser, a chance let slip. COACH And for The Upstarts- Fun, fun, fun! COLE Sadly, true. As I'm sure our General Manager well knew, this match pits Original versus Origina... CABOOSE Woah woah woah! Let's get our facts together Michael, Leon Rodez isn't an Original. He's only been here as a regular for...what, a year and a half? That doesn't make him an Original. Don't get me wrong, I admire him for the way he turned down the chance to be an Upstart - on numerous occassions - but he's certainly, certainly, not an Original. COLE That said, he's a threat to The Upstarts. And the fact Axel is pitting these threats against each other has to be worrying for the OAOAST's mainstays and anyone who values what they stand for. Leon and Zack stand in the ring, conversing with each other. Around them meanwhile, the crowd erupt as "Quiet" by Smashing Pumpkins hits, causing black smoke to come pouring out of the entrance way! And soon from that smoke, Dan Black bursts through as shots of black and white pyro fire off around the stage. Black lowers his shades and looks down to the ring, Tony Brannigan standing beside him. Black T don't look all that thrilled about the prospect of the match either, but the stakes are such that Dan is fired up and ready to go. BUFFER And, the opponent. Being accompanied to the ring by TONY BRANNIGAN! He hails from London, England and weighs two hundred and fourty three pounds. A former three time OAOAST World Tag Team Champion... "THE ICE HEART"! DDAAAAAAAAANN BBBBBBLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAACCCKK!!!! "YYEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!" Black gets a decent reaction from the fans, but the majority are behind his opponent. Not that The Ice Heart cares, striding to the ring emotionless and focused on the match. Dan slides into the ring and squares straight up to Rodez, until Zack takes it upon himself to push Dan back. That draws Tony over to shove Zack and the situation is in danger of breaking down right from the get-go... ...until Leon Rodez points up onto the stage, having spotted a group of figures coming through the entrance doors. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" CABOOSE You've got to be kiddng me! Led by the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, Peter Knight, The Upstarts converge on the stage and stand with smug grins as they look on into the ring. The six men don't advance any further. They're happy to just watch on from the ramp. Knight has the briefcase with the money in his hand and he taunts Zack by raising it. COLE What the hell are they doing out here!?! This is no business of The Upstarts'! COACH It's PK's business tho'! Whoever's Number 30 in the Rumble has the best odds of going on to wrestle him for the World Title at AngleMania... CABOOSE ...if he makes it that far... COACH ...so he just wants to get some scoutin' in. No biggy. The Upstarts' arrival has poured water over the brewing fire in the ring and all four men seem united as they glare right back at their hated rivals. Smiling widest of all, Peter Knight motions for Rodez and Black to "hurry up and get on with it", pointing to a rather expensive looking watch on his wrist as he does so. Zack is almost having to be held back from going after The Upstarts there and then, but luckily he calms himself down and leaves to a corner, Tony doing the same after wishing his partner good luck. "P K SUCKS!" "P K SUCKS!" "P K SUCKS!" "P K SUCKS!" With Zack and Tony out of the way, referee Charles Robinson checks both men over routinely before deciding that both men are good to go and calling for the bell. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Well, under the shadow of The Upstarts' presence, I guess this match is going to get underway. A first time ever meeting one on one, it's the veteran Dan Black against a future superstar in Leon Rodez, with the Number 30 Spot in the Lethal Rumble this Sunday on the line. Two great athletes. Two favourites in the Rumble line-up... COACH Two men that Alix Spezia's gone down on. COLE ... COACH I mean, sure, Dan kinda sorta forced it on Alix, but ya gotta get ya giggidy, ya know? COLE Hopefully for Dan's sake, Leon doesn't remember that tonight. 'That' being the Alix thing...and not the...well...uhm, let's get on with the match. Yeah. Match. Dan and Leon cautiously advance into the centre of the ring and Dan offers up a knucklelock. Unsurprisingly, Rodez isn't too sure about locking up with the technical wizard of Black T and backs off for some thinking time. Eventually, Leon takes the bait though, locking knuckles with Black and going into a test of strength~! Dan immediately gains the advantage, lacing his leg behind Leon's to trip him. But Leon is able to bridge and block the trip, pushing himself back up to his feet to show great leg strength. Once on his feet, Rodez kicks Dan's left hand away and spins behind into a hammerlock. Dan can afford a wry smile as he looks for an escape. Finding no escape overhead, Black tries to twist out of the hammerlock...but Rodez hangs onto the arm and goes into an arm wringer. Only trouble is, Black is already two steps ahead, as he rolls through to the mat and pushes up with a headstand...confusing Rodez long enough to shoot his legs out, kicking The Silky Smooth One away and freeing himself from the arm wringer! Black pops right back to his feet and Rodez does the same, the latter applauding his opponents' efforts. COLE Wow, a great exchange to kick things off. We heard Leon Rodez two weeks ago and he vowed that this match would be a friendly encounter...maybe he was right. COACH Nah, it's gonna break down sooner or later, don't worry. Circling the ring, the two men meet in the centre and Dan again offers a knucklelock. Rodez fakes him out and tries to scoot behind but Dan catches him at the side in a gutwrench. Rodez grabs the leg in desperation. But that doesn't stop Black from dropping to the mat with the hold. Squirming free, Rodez gets to a seated position before being trapped again by The Ice Heart, in a waistlock this time. That seems a fairly safe place to be, until Black rocks back and stacks Rodez on his shoulders... 1... Rodez kicks himself back to a seated position. The Silky Smooth One then stands himself up and looks for an escape route while Dan looks for some traction on the mat. Neither man seems to be succeeding, until suddenly Rodez is hauled up off his feet for a German...but Rodez manages to block! Dan goes for the German again...but again, it's blocked! So Dan sweeps Rodez off his feet with a double leg takedown, then leap over the front and clamps on a front facelock. COLE Great wrestling from Dan Black, who's possibly the most technically sound wrestler in the company today. CABOOSE I don't think there's any arguement. Really wrenching on the move, focus is etched on Black's face as he knows his opponent is a slippery customer. He pulls Rodez up off the mat with the hold still applied, seemingly taking the chance to slow the match down. That is, until he suddenly throws Rodez's arm overhead and pops him with a SUDDEN Snap Suplex! Almost routinely, Black floats around and places him forearm across Rodez's jaw as he covers... 1... 2... Rodez kicks out quickly...but gets trapped right back into the front facelock! ZACK C'MON LEON! Zack Malibu's spirited support earns him a glare across the ring from Tony Brannigan, still no love lost between those two. Meanwhile, Black brings Leon up to his feet again, still clinging onto the front facelock. Rodez is trying to find a way out, but technical wrestling isn't a real strong point and Black is able to stay in control. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Starting to draw on the support of the fans, Rodez lands a forearm to the ribs. And a second. Black absorbs the shots with a minimum of fuss and simply jams his knee up into Rodez's sternum to quieten him down. But Rodez isn't one to give up that easily and he lands a couple more forearms before managing to back his opponent into a corner, which forces The Ice Heart into a break. Dan's an honourable fighter (usually) and gives a clean break...but once that break has passed it's course and Rodez is backed away, Dan lands a big forearm strike to the jaw! COACH Aw yeah, here we go! Rodez staggers back across the ring as Dan brushes the accusing Charles Robinson out of his way, advancing on Rodez... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" ...only to get rocked with a knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" ...and a second! *SLA - WHOOSH!* But The Ice Heart ducks a third...and almost takes Rodez's HEAD OFF with a hooking clothesline!! "OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Taking the opportunity to recover, Black crouches over and regains his breath before going back on the attack. Black lands a stomp to the back of the head, a second and then a third. COLE This is not where Rodez wants to be. If Dan Black can get him grounded, then Black can begin a systematic breakdown of the youngster and it may just be a matter of time. Black casually reaches down to pick Rodez back up, but notices The Upstarts watching on from the ramp and gets momentarily distracted. He shakes that off though and drags up Leon by the hair, slamming a European uppercut into his chest. Rodez stumbles a little but doesn't go down. So Black lands a boot to the gut, setting his opponent by the arm and whipping him at full pelt into the corner. *WHAM!* Crashing into the buckles sternum first, the winded Silky Smooth One falls backwards and eventually collapses into the arms of Dan Black. Dan takes no chances and lands some quick forearms across the back before he applies a waistlock, then throws Rodez overhead with the German that he had attempted and failed at earlier in the match! COLE Release German Suplex by Black! Dan has upped the pace and upped the intensity! CABOOSE Well, Dan's desperate for that OAOAST World Title. He's one of the few 'Originals' to have never held the belt and being the final entrant in the Royal Rumble gives him a perfect chance to do just that. As Rodez lays hurt on the mat, Dan again casts a glance up toward The Upstarts congregated on the stage. Peter Knight is mockingly applauding The Ice Heart, his five new friends laughing jovially behind. Black again tries to stay focused on the match and again goes back to Rodez, dropping a simple but effective knee across the back. The Ice Heart then flips Rodez over and drops into a lateral press... 1... 2... Kickout! Deep down, Dan knows that he hadn't done enough to finish Rodez up. And he's already in the process of bringing Rodez back to his feet. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Three quick knifedge chops leave Rodez on rubber legs in the centre of the ring, while Black runs off the ropes and slams through Rodez with a running elbow strike! Zack watches on with his head cupped solemnly in his hands. As Rodez slowly pulls himself up, Black whips him into the corner. This time, Rodez ends up going back-first into the buckles and there he remains, slumped in the corner. The Ice Heart takes a quick backstep before charging headlong across the ring, looking to avalanche Rodez...but he eats two raised boots, right in the mouth! Black stumbles backwards but shakes off the cobwebs and charges again, only to get two more boots into the face. Persistance is the name of the game for Black though and he decides to make one more attempt. This time, Rodez pushes up on the top rope and vaults over Dan, taking him over with a sunset flip... 1... 2... Kickout! Dan quickly scrambles to his feet, able to slam his knee haphazardly into Rodez's ribs to fend off any further attack. COLE Almost a shock pin from The Silky Smooth One. Dan needs to watch out for that from Rodez, a former X-Division Champion of course. Speed could be the key for Leon Rodez tonight. Following up on his lunging shot, Black slams a couple of forearms across the back of Rodez. Black then pulls Rodez up and rocks him with a European uppercut. Another. And a third! All Rodez can seem to do is stand a wobble now, unable to mount any offence against Dan who adds to his punishing sequence with a forearm strike. Rodez is at Black's mercy now, the former Mystery Eskimo taking his opponent by the arm and sending off towards the ropes with an irish whip... ...but at the last moment, Black re-thinks his strategy and once Rodez gets to arm's length he yanks him right back! Rodez's shoulder takes the full torque of the move before he sprawls forward and down face-first to the mat. And there he stays, clutching at his arm, as Black begins his next move which is picking up the arm and simply slamming it into the canvas! CABOOSE Well now Rodez is really in trouble. COLE Indeed. Dan has finally targetted a bodypart...and it's the arm, which doesn't bode well if Dan can get either of his Heart of Ice variations applied. Black continues to stalk over Rodez, picking his arm up again by the wrist. Stepping over the arm, Black does a quick squat, driving all of his bodyweight down onto Rodez's shoulder. Black then steps over once more and drops down beside Rodez to apply a Fujiwara Armbar. Knowing he's in trouble, Rodez scrambles and scurries, trying desperately to get away. And before Black can get the hold properly applied Rodez has reached the ropes and Dan is forced to break away. Break away he does. But Black smells blood now and he's not going to let up on the advantage he has, going right back on the attack as he stands up and stomps away at the shoulder repeatedly! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Wow, Dan wants to win this match, no doubt about it. This is some of the old Dan Black coming back out tonight! CABOOSE He's been pushed to it, Cole. They all have. These Upstarts are forcing Dan and Tony and Zack to up their intensity levels. On the ramp, The Upstarts are really getting a kick out of this now. Especially as Zack Malibu, furious at Charles Robinson's inability to get Dan off of Rodez while he's in the ropes, jumps to the apron and gets on Dan's case. That causes Dan to stop himself and turn to Zack, the two former enemies/uneasy allies glaring holes through each other for a brief moment before Zack is convinced to step off the apron. On the ramp, a collective smile adorns The Upstarts' faces. COLE Zack is no doubt worrying about his Tag Team Title Match on Sunday night as well. If Leon Rodez is going into that with a bad arm, then that doesn't bode well for Zack in that match and then the Rumble itself. COACH Exactly. It all revolves 'round Malibu. COLE I didn't say that. Obviously, Zack wants Leon to win for Leon's sake too. With no more distractions, Black brings Leon away from the ropes and uses a simple arm wringer to further weaken the arm. Turning to the outside Dan then mouths the words "watch this" in Zack's direction. And watch Zack does, as Black scoops Leon off his feet and over his shoulder, then drops to one knee and executes a Shoulderbreaker! Rodez shouts out in pain as that pain shoots up his arm. But, Dan isn't done. He keeps Rodez over his shoulder and lands a second Shoulderbreaker! Dan then dumps Rodez unceremoniously and makes the pin... 1... 2... Kickout!! Dan sits Rodez up right after his kickout and hooks his opponent's arm under his to apply a top armbar. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Fight is flowing through Leon's body again now, the crowd's energy transferring into his. Leon shifts himself to the side and fights to his feet, forcing Dan into a modification of his armbar at the side. As he reaches his feet, Leon then starts to attack. One, two, three left hands find their mark in The Ice Heart's gut. Rodez tries to pull his arm from Dan's grip but Dan is holding tight, so Rodez goes upstairs with some lefts to the face. And eventually Dan is forced to release the arm, at which point Rodez takes Dan down with a left arm clothesline! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE Rodez is fighting back! His arm is hurting, but he's fighting back regardless! Dan is quickly back up and quickly back down, with another left clothesline. Coming straight back up again Black charges, but Leon ducks his head and sends Dan flying overhead with a BAAAACK bodydrop! And now, Rodez is in full BABYFACE FIRE~! mode. But it's at that point that the pain shooting through his arm hits him and he drops to one knee to tend to it. COLE The work Dan Black has done certainly hasn't gone to waste, but Rodez is showing he has a lot of heart. COACH Which is good. We wouldn't want Dan to have an easy night now, would we? CABOOSE Feel free to go stand with your buddies any time you want Coach. We'll manage fine without you. Gritting his teeth, Rodez fights through the pain and boots Dan in the gut as he returns to his feet. With his arm out of action, he then keeps up with the kicks, landing two straight ones to the chest before backing into the ropes. As he comes back though, Rodez shoots too high with the clothesline and misses the ducking Dan, who switches behind his opponent and goes for a Drago...NO! Rodez manages to elbow Dan with his good left arm, hard enough for Dan to fall across the middle rope clutching his eye. He's all too concerned with that eye as well. Forgetting all about Leon, who does the DANCE~! and runs into the opposite ropes, before charging back at Dan and driving his weight into The Ice Heart's lower back! COACH CALL THAT BITCH BOJANGLES~! COLE ... COACH What? Oh, yeah, right, The Upstart thing. BOOOOOOOO!! YO' AIN'T NUTHIN! Rodez backs up and waits, beckoning in Black. Pushing himself off the ropes, Black weakly turns around to where Leon is waiting, with a Superki... ...DUCKED! Black avoids the kick and sweeps Rodez down by the arm, INTO THE HEART OF ICE!!! "RRRAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COLE OH! HE GOT HIM! The Crippler Crossface, The Heart Of Ice, applied by The Ice Heart!! CABOOSE From out of nowhere!! On the outside Zack throws his hands up in despair and rushes around into Leon's eyeline to encourage him on, while Tony coolly smiles in the corner. The Upstarts are smiling too, as Dan wrenches back on The Heart Of Ice. Robinson is right over to check for a submission as Rodez is already yelling out in pain, despite the crossface across his...well, across his face. "PLEASE DON'T TAP!" "PLEASE DON'T TAP!" "PLEASE DON'T TAP!" "PLEASE DON'T TAP!" The fans make no secret of their alligence as Dan pushes up on his toes, trying to add more leverage to his hold. It seems to be working as Rodez's howls grow more agonised and his hand suddenly begins to hover! Zack is now slamming his fists into the apron, willing his Tag Team Title partner to fight through the pain, to fight the hold. Rodez is hurting though and his shoulder is being torn away at, the temptation to give it up growing and growing with each passing second. "PLEASE DON'T TAP!" "PLEASE DON'T TAP!" "PLEASE DON'T TAP!" COLE This is a punishing hold, but Rodez has one of the strongest fighting spirits in the entire OAOAST. He will not go without a fight, guaranteed! Rodez suddenly pushes up on his free hand, inching his legs under him as he tries to crawl for the ropes. Still Dan is determined that this will be the end and he wrenches back on the hold some more, desperate to make Leon tap out. But Leon won't give and continues to crawl forward. Inch by inch. Until, finally... ...HE GRABS THE ROPES!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Black breaks the hold angrily and immediately, storming back to his feet and trying to figure out exactly how Leon could have escaped. From the outside Tony shouts some encouragement to his partner and tries to keep his mind clear and focused. Across the ring, Zack is trying to check on Rodez, which Charles Robinson obviously has a problem with. COLE Just like I said, tremendous fighting spirit from Leon Rodez! He's determined to gain that #30 entry number. CABOOSE Yeah, but Number 30 or not, Rodez won't win the Rumble with a dislocated shoulder...especially after The New, New Midnight Express are through with him. Having got his head straight, Black goes back over to Rodez and drags him away from the ropes. A quick elbow lands across Landon's solarplexus, a second soon to follow. Dan then stops and goes back to the arm, picking Rodez up and pinning his arm behind his back with a hammerlock before DRIVING him shoulder first into the top turnbuckle! Rodez collapses into the corner groaning in agony. Not content with that, Dan turns Rodez around and lashes him with a knifedge chop in the corner! "WHOOOOOOOOO!" With his opponent weakened, Black casually pulls him from the corner and s l o w l y wrings the arm one more time, giving it a little snap at the end. Black then pulls Rodez in by the arm and ducks his head, throwing Rodez with a Northern Lights Suplex and completing the bridge... 1... 2... KICKOUT!! Zack breathes another sigh of relief and applauds his partner. But he's far from out of trouble, as Dan sits him up and locks on a half nelson on the injured arm. Pain and exhaustion have weakened Rodez and he slumps in the hold with no signs of life, until Dan begins to pull him to his feet. Still with the Half Nelson, Black wraps an arm around Rodez and prepares to throw him overhead with a suplex...but Rodez wraps his leg around Black's and blocks it! Another block! But Dan quickly takes the fight out of Rodez with a firm headbutt to the shoulder, dropping him back to his knees. CABOOSE There come a time where you have to prioritise and if Dan keeps this up, the time may be near for Rodez. He's got a Tag Title Match and the Rumble in 3 days. Being Number 30 would be great and all, but carrying on so long with a shoulder injury is selfish. He's got a tag partner to think about. COACH Man, ya'll selfish. CABOOSE Maybe you Upstarts would get more respect if you spoke properly? COACH Yo, we speak good and everythin'! Stepping in front of his opponent, Black confidently smiles up at The Upstarts as he pulls Rodez into a front headscissors. Dan then reaches down and flips Rodez up onto his shoulders. On the way up, Rodez swings out with an instinctive shot which stops the Wild Bomb. But Rodez also succeeds in hurting his arm with the punch, allowing Black time to re-compose himself before completing a not-quite 'Wild', but very potent Powerbomb! BLACK THAT'S IT! The Brit gives the universal signal before heading over to the corner and climbing towards the top rope. Zack vainly tries to will Rodez up, but The Silky Smooth One isn't moving. And Dan is now up top, measuring his opponent as he soars off the top with the Swandive Headbutt... *WHAM!* ...AND MISSES!! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Nobody home!! Rodez rolled out of the way at the very last second and The Ice Heart eats a faceful of canvas!! CABOOSE And saves himself in the process! Dan's head was hurtling right towards that right shoulder and had it connected, no way would Rodez have kicked out. Both men are down, Rodez's shoulder still causing him big problems...so Charles Robinson is forced to lay down a ten count. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" ZACK C'MON LEON, GET UP!! "FOUR!" COLE Man, Zack's really getting into this! "FIVE!" CABOOSE Of course he is! He doesn't want to get trumped by Black T in any way, shape or form. "SIX!" Rodez is up, breaking the count. The fact that his arm is hanging by a thread stops him from going straight on the attack though, which gives Dan time to get up as well. Shaking off the cobwebs, Dan charges at Rodez with a running back elbow. Rodez sees it coming and swoops underneath though, hitting the ropes and wiping Dan out with a crossbody block... 1... 2... Dan kicks out! Popping right back up, Rodez is prepared for Dan to strike and again ducks his arm. This time, he comes to a stop behind Dan and waits for him to turn around, before popping him with a (left) JAB! JAB! JAB! JAB! JAB! Rodez turns to blow the kiss...AND DAN CAPITALISES, with a knee to the back! The fans who had stood ready for some Mama Said Knock You Out action sit themselves glumly back down, as Black hits the ropes in front of Rodez. Rodez instinctively tries to stand, but only reaches one knee. A knee which Black steps up off to throw a Shining Wizar...DUCKED! Rodez ducks the knee and as Dan lands in front of him, tumbles over with an Oklahoma Roll... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE No! Couldn't keep Dan's weight down, due to the weakened shoulder. Both men are up and this time Rodez pre-empts Black, ducking a non-existant strike. Black is left confused by that, stumbling forward a step before gaining his bearings, turning around... *SMACK!* ...and Rodez completes a belated Mama Said Knock You Out~! combo with the step-up enziguri! Black stops abruptly and after a delayed reaction and his head rattling around on his shoulders, he falls backwards and looks to be completely out cold. Despite that though, Rodez isn't done and he drags Black labouriously with one arm to a position near the corner. Once Dan is in place, The Silky Smooth One then flashes a thumbs up to the crowd before heading for the top. COLE And now, it's Rodez looking to go to the top, despite the crashing and burning Dan Black did earlier from his aerial attempt! Scaling the turnbuckles isn't easy for Rodez with his bad arm. But he perserveres and gets to the top, Black still laid out in front of him. In perfect position, as Rodez extends on the top and tumbles into the 450 Splash... ...NO! Black rolls out of harm's way, leaving Rodez to plummet into a crumpled mess!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Because The Lady Loves, misses! And much like Dan before him, Leon crashes and burns in a spectacular fashion! CABOOSE And I think he landed with his arm tucked underneath him too. The Upstarts mockingly applaud the missed 450, as Dan begins to drag himself up using the ropes. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" We're almost at a stalemate, as Rodez is back up but hurting and Dan is up but still clearly groggy. Tony and Zack's encouragement is lost among the chanting of the crowd, but they're encouraging nonetheless, as Dan stalks over to Rodez and slams him with a European uppercut! Dropping to one knee, Rodez has no answer. So Dan exposes his chest again and lands a second European uppercut! Rodez collapses back into the ropes and takes a third European, before Dan grabs the arm and looks for an irish whip...which, despite the bad arm, Rodez finds a way to reverse. Black reverses right back though and as Rodez bounces off the ropes, Black ducks his head...TOO EARLY! Stopping in front of Black, Leon hooks up an arm, then the other, elevating for the Tiger Dri...NO! Rodez's right arm doesn't hold out and he has to drop Black safely down. That allows Dan to elevate Rodez up and escape Rodez's flimsy underhook in the process, hoisting The Silky Smooth One up into a fireman's carry. Rodez squirms and struggles, but Dan has him up and has him set for a DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" 1... 2... 3 - NOOOO!!! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" CABOOSE I don't believe it. COLE Believe it Caboose! Leon Rodez kicked out, again! COACH This is brilliant. Black glances up at Charles Robinson and simply shakes his head. But he doesn't let himself get too down as he switches himself beside Rodez. Grabbing the loose right arm, Dan then begins to set up for the Heart Of Ice. As he does though, a thought runs through his head and he changes his mind slighty, hooking Rodez's arm over his head instead of through the legs and applies the Heart Of Ice V2!!! COLE Submission hold applied again from Black! And if anything, this version of the Heart of Ice will do MORE damage to the arm than the traditional version will! Immediately Rodez awakens from his DVD induced sleep and starts to roar in pain. Black pushes up on his feet and leans back, stretching Leon's shoulder socket to it's limits, as Charles Robinson is right in Leon's face to ask him if he wants to give up. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" COLE And now, Zack is playing cheerleader on the outside, getting the crowd behind Leon! COACH Male cheerleaders in wrestling? What a ridiculous idea... Rodez is refusing to give in, but it's only a matter of time. The expert technician, Black is tearing away at the arm and shoulder and it looks grim for Leon. He can't see the ropes properly with a head wrenched towards the ceiling, but he reaches out anyway... ...but finds nothing, leaving his arm hovering perilously over the mat... "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" ...and all the crowd support can't help Leon, as his hand lowers towards the mat... ...and pushes him up off his stomach~! Black's elevated body positioning means his weight isn't fully on Rodez's back, allowing Rodez to push up and roll to the side, taking Black with him and into a modified pinning position... 1... 2... NO! Black kicks out, scrambling to his feet and catching Rodez with a boot to the head! COLE Can you believe the heart and the fight in this kid!?! CABOOSE Gimme a break. COLE What? You're supposed to be routing for him yourself, 'Boose. CABOOSE Not against Dan I'm not. C'MON DAN! BRIT PRIDE, BABY! Coming to a stop, Black isn't quite sure what to do. Black has never been in a match with Rodez before, at least not one with regular rules like these and to be honest, he's surprised at his persistance. His downright frustrating persistance. Instead of going back on the attack, Black crouches and waits for Rodez to get back up. Zack resists the urge to jump in and help while Leon slowly clambers back up, right arm hanging at his side, slowly lumbering around in search of his opponent... KICK *WHAM!* BLACKOU... NO! Rodez counters the Blackout, pushing Black off into the ropes just before he can sitout. As he comes back, Black aims a clothesline. Rodez ducks though, spinning to meet Black once more and dropping him with a Heamorrhoid causing Inverted Atomic Drop on the left side...followed up with a quick DDT! Black's head bounces off the mat and he lands right by Rodez, who drapes himself weakly over for the cover... 1.. 2... KICKOUT!! COLE Man, what a match! COACH Yeah...what a 'long, gruelling, taking two of the Lethal Rumble contenders out in one swoop' match is right! Rodez is right back up, summoning on some more reserve as he wearily walks towards the corner and hops up to the middle rope. There he waits, as Black returns to his feet and stumbles over Leon's direction. Ready and waiting, Leon throws a punch...but Black blocks it, snapping upward with an uppercut that catches Leon right under the jaw! Rodez stumbles back and ends up sat on the top rope, dazed long enough for Black to shake out some cobwebs of his own before stepping up to the middle rope beside him. COLE Uh oh. They're in dangerous territory on those ropes and...wait, what is Dan doing? CABOOSE Looks like a middle rope Exploder Suplex to me. COLE MY GOD HE'LL KILL US ALL!! CABOOSE Just because I'm naturally impassive, doesn't mean you have to try and make up for it with unmatchable hyperbole. Standing carefully on the middle rope, Black has Rodez hooked under head and arm. All Black has to do now is throw Rodez overhead and feed, proverbially, on the carcass he leaves behind. But Rodez has other ideas and slams his elbow into the side of Black's head. The fact he's using his right arm leaves Rodez in as much pain as Black. Desperate times call for desperate measures though and Rodez continues to fire off elbows, ignoring the immense pain he's putting himself in as much as possible until finally Dan releases his grip and tries not to tumble off the ropes to the floor! Rodez tends to his shoulder again, but still Black is on the ropes. And, unwilling to to further risk his arm, Leon goes with something way out of his usual repetoire. A headbutt. *THUD!* "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Black collapses off the ropes and lands on his back, perpendicular to the corner. A mighty cheer goes up, despite the fact Rodez is now seeing stars on the turnbuckles. But there's no time for that. Despite the cloudy vision and neutralised arm, he has to act now. Rodez carefully steps a foot off the middle rope and places it up top. And as the crowd rise to their feet, Rodez places the second one up top and tumbles off, 450 style... ...CONNECTS!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE 450! He got him with the 450 this time!! Favouring his arm on landing, Rodez has to slump his body over Black rather than 'pin' him... 1... 2... 3!!!!!!! "YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ...BUT IT'S ENOUGH!! The crowd got nuts as Robinson's hand slaps the mat for a third time, prompting Zack to instinctively jump for joy on the floor! Tony hangs his head as he watches on, as Zack slides in and helps his tag team partner to his feet. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match...and now, the NUMBER THIRTY ENTRANT in the Lethal Rumble Match, this Sunday at AnglePalooza..."SILKY SMOOTH" LLEEEEEEOOONN RRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEZZZZZ!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE My word, what a match! And what huge victory for Leon Rodez! Dan Black worked the arm for virtually the entire match, he imobilised the Silky Smooth One and he put him in tremendous pain...but Rodez just would not give up! He would not quit! And somehow, Leon Rodez would not be denied and now he is the Number 30 Entrant in this Sunday's Lethal Rumble! CABOOSE But at what cost? To both men! Zack raises Rodez's good arm aloft and turns to taunt The Upstarts. But as he does, he and his partner notice that The Upstarts don't need to be taunted. They're happy. They saw the match they wanted to see, no matter the result. Rodez is injured and there's no way Dan will be 100% this Sunday either. And for The Upstarts, as they begin to make their collective leave, it's been a win-win start to the night for them. COLE Leon Rodez has shortened his odds, this Sunday night...but, what of Zack Malibu? He's got 29 guys with 100,000 reasons more to take him out. Hopefully Josh will get a hold of him during the break. We will be back, right after this commercial break! Commercial break Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 27, 2006 We come back from break with Zack Malibu, looking rather concerned about something, walking through the back. All of a sudden, Malibu pauses, as JOSH MATTHEWS~! and Marty The Cameraman (we don't see him, but we know it's gotta be Marty thanks to the gratuitous shot of Krista Isadora Duncan's ass for several moments) approach Zack. JOSH Josh Matthews standing here with Zack Malibu on HeldDOWN~! and Zack, what is going through your mind right now? Not only do you have the challenge of the New, New Midnight Express this Sunday for your World Tag Team Titles, but now your chances in the Lethal Rumble have been jeopardized by a bounty being placed on your head by Axel on behalf of The Upstarts! What...I mean, what do you think about all this? MALIBU What do I think? JOSH Well, yeah. MALIBU You really wanna know? JOSH Sure! MALIBU Then give me the mic, and just back up, Josh, because this could be a while. Sensing Malibu's sequestered rage, Josh hands over the mic and eases back, as Zack turns to the camera. MALIBU Sunday night. Anglepalooza. The first pay per view event of 2006, and it's also the night chosen to try and make a new start. A new start courtesy of The Upstarts, no less. See, I know they want to phase me out. I know that I'm the main target because I'm the glue that holds this place together, a factoid passed onto me three years ago when I defeated Anglesault for my first World Title. Something that has been both a blessing and a curse throughout the course of my career . Not only that, but tonight, I do battle with the two men I'll face this Sunday with my World Tag Team Titles on the line, but tonight...I have no partner. No, it's just me, and I've gotta say, I like those odds. With all that's gone on lately, the New, New Midnight Express feel shunned. Unloved. That they're not getting enough attention from myself or Leon Rodez . Well boys, you have our attention. You've always had our attention. The fact is, that in order to keep it, you need to do something to hold interest, instead of hiding behind that fashion victim you call a manager. You say that Leon and I are lucky to be tag team champions? That we're not a real tag team? Let me tell you something, The Usual Suspects could be the New, New Midnight Express, the New Midnight Express, The Midnight Express, The Original Midnight Express, The Rock N' Roll Express, The Federal Express, The American Express, The Pony Express, Condrey and Lane, Condrey and Eaton, Lane and Eaton, Simon and Ned, Simon and Garfunkel, Simon and Simon, Ned and Stacy...THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT WE HAVE PROVEN THAT WE ARE WORTHY OF BEING THE BEST. We fought through every stipulation thrown our way, and survived. We put the past behind us to protect this company and become one of the most formidable duos in the world today, and THAT...THAT is what being World Tag Team Champions is all about. It's more than just the belts, it's about what you stand for, who you are, and what you make of yourself. Although, after our match, that partnership...all partnerships, actually...they're out the window. Because at the end of the night, it's every man for himself. The Lethal Rumble. Winner gets a shot at the bigtime, at the main event of Anglemania for the World Heavyweight Championshp and now, NOW Axel has raised the stakes. In a match where everyone needs to watch their back it seems I'm the one who needs to do it the most of all, because there's a price on my head. Someone could walk away with some extra cash in their pockets Sunday night if I go over that top rope and hit the floor, and all that proves to me is that the Upstarts are scared. They're worried. They know that I've survived the odds before. They know what happens when I get to Anglemania. I'm a two time World Champion, with both of those wins coming at Anglemania. So this...this is protection for Peter Knight. Well, old friend, I still don't think it's the best you can do. Because so what if I get eliminated? So what if it's not me at Anglemania, and someone like Scotty Static or Johnny Jax or Jumbo or Brock Ausstin or Alfdogg or even...even Tony Brannigan, Dan Black, or Leon Rodez walks away with a bonus? It makes no difference, because it just delays the inevitable, it delays the day that you know is coming, and that's the day that you and I stand across the ring from each other, one on one. All this proves is how weak you are. How much of a champion you're not, because you're afraid. You don't want to fight me, because you know that I will do everything in my power to get that belt from around your waist and put it where it belongs...around the waist of someone who cares for it. Who BUILT it. Who gave it life. It's the history behind that belt that is driving us all to win the Rumble this Sunday, but it's me and me alone who is fueled by vengeance. I might crave the gold, but I crave revenge even more. You think this makes me paranoid? You think I'm going to worry about going over those ropes Sunday night...maybe. Maybe you got me there. However, whether I go over those ropes or not is meaningless regarding you, and Axel, and Static and Jax and the rest of The Upstarts. I'll keep coming. I'll NEVER stop coming at you, until I get what I want, and that's not to get even, oh no, that'd be letting you off lightly. I'm going to beat the respect into all of you until my last drop of blood flows from my wounds. You can't hurt me, you can't stop me, you can't break me. I won't let you. This company...this is my life. You want to try and take my life away? Over my...dead...body. Malibu sneers into the camera and then storms off, leaving a bewildered Marty to pan to Josh, who is awestruck with his jaw on the floor, as we head back to Sofa Central. COACH Blah blah "I'm great" blah blah "This is my company" blah blah. CABOOSE What are you doing? COACH Just recapping Zack's promo for people without their bullshit filters on. COLE As Zack said, later on tonight he faces, per order of Axel, BOTH members of the New New Midnight Express in a handicap match. Zack's emotions have to be running hot tonight, but that might be either a blessing or a curse. We'll find out later. Punishment by BIOHAZARD hits and Rick Heyross leads Brock Ausstin out to the ring. COLE And here comes Brock Ausstin, this match set up by Rick Heyross as preparation for the Lethal Rumble! BUFFER The following is a 1-on-3 handicap match, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, hailing from Victoria, Minnesota, weighing in at 305 pounds...he is one-third of the reigning OAOAST Six-Man tag team champions...BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK AUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! COACH Well, there's no doubt about it, Cole, Rick Heyross has high hopes for Anglepalooza, Team Heyross also entered in the match, and later tonight they'll be competing in the Anderson Cup against the Love Doctors! BUFFER His opponents......first, from Princeton, Minnesota, weighing 254 pounds, GARY FRANCIS! (golf clap) From Los Angeles, California, weighing 212 pounds...BRIAN JACKSON! (golf clap) And from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, weighing 315 pounds...MARCEL CHARBONNEAU! *DING DING DING* COACH And look, we've got one lightweight, one normal-sized guy, and one big man! I guess this is how Brock's going to prepare for this Sunday! The three men move in on Brock, and Charbonneau drills him with a big right hand! Charbonneau chokes Brock with his boot as Francis lays in shots to the midsection. COLE And Marcel Charbonneau, the big French-Canadian, holding Brock with the foot, and he's wide open for those shots! Brock, however, strikes Francis with a foot to the midsection, then grabs Charbonneau's leg from underneath and dumps him to the floor! Brock then comes out of the corner with a big double clothesline on Jackson and Francis! COACH Now, Marcel would be eliminated if this was the Lethal Rumble match, and now Brock working over Brian Jackson out of Los Angeles! Brock whips Jackson into the corner and crushes him with a running avalanche! He then grabs him out of the corner and picks him up in a press slam, carrying him over to the ropes and dropping him straight to the floor! COLE Wow, a long way down for Jackson, which, once again, would constitute elimination in the Lethal Rumble match! Charbonneau rolls back into the ring, and Brock catches him with an overhead belly-to-belly! COACH BIG belly-to-belly on the big guy, and no one delivers it better than Brock Ausstin! Brock follows up with a second belly-to-belly, then clotheslines Charbonneau to the floor! He then clotheslines Francis to the mat, then picks him up and drives him into the mat with a snap powerbomb! Brock plays to the crowd, then lifts Francis onto his shoulders. COACH And this baby's about to be over! Brock carries Francis to the side of the ring, and spins around, causing Francis' legs to knock Charbonneau back to the floor! He then moves back to the middle of the ring...and delivers the F-STUNNER-5~!!!!!11111 Brock lays over Francis... 1... 2.... 3!!!! *DING DING DING* BUFFER Here is your winner...BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK AUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! Brock picks up Francis and tosses him to the floor, then makes the "it's my belt" motion around his waist. COACH Cole, this could very well be a preview of this Sunday! Brock Ausstin could go to AngleMania to meet Peter Knight or whoever the champion ends up being! Colombian Heat promo BACKSTAGE is the place. And Jade Rodez and brother, #30, Leon, are walking down the hall on their way to the COD locker room. JADE It's a really funny story I swear. Don't you wanna hear it? I know Alix'll love it. She laughs a lot. You wanna hear it, right? LEON Fine, fine, just get it out. JADE So Molly Matthews and I were on her farm this weekend and she was teaching classes on how to milk a llama. It's part of a government sponsored program. LEON What excellent use of my tax dollars. JADE So, there was this big tough redneck John Wayne dude, and he thinks it's silly for Molly, a girl, to teach the class. So he starts acting like a loudmouth and says, “I ain't gonna no let no female show me how to milk no llama”. So he pushes Molly aside, and starts milking the llama himself. But then he pulled too hard, I guess because the milk sprayed out all in his face. And he got really mad and said “God damn, rodent!” and tried to punch it, but the llama kicked him right in the face and opened up this huuuuuuge cut! So he had blood and llama milk in his eyes and he couldn't see and he's like “Water! Ah need water!” so he dives into a nearby puddle and he says “So refreshing” over and over again until Molly tells him that the puddle is a pool of horse urine! Isn't that funny? I guess you had to be there, huh. A despairing Leon and the oblivious Jade approach the COD locker room. They enter without knocking. Unfortunatley, the reason for their visit, Alix Maria Spezia, is no where to be found. Perhaps even more unfortunate for Mr.Rodez is that Krista Isadora Duncan is present. The slowest most painful seconds of Leon's short life tick past, as Krista sits on the couch reading a book, while he's forced to stand awkwardly at the doorway. Finally, he works up the nerve to say something to break silence she was treasuring. LEON Uh, hi, Krista. Engrossed in her book, Krista ignores him. LEON Krissy? Krista ignores him again, which leads Jade to giggle. LEON ....Izzy? KRISTA You may refer to me as “My intellectual superior” and I, in turn, will refer to you solely as “The Douche". Got that, Douche? Jade snickers, but instantly puts on a disapproving face when emotionally wounded Leon glares at her. LEON Hey, I'm really trying to make an effort here. KRISTA An effort to do what? To treat Alix like she's your personal sex toy, available to your horny whims twenty four hours a day? If that's what your effort is, then I must commend you. You're doing a bang up job of it! Would you like a cookie before you get your nookie? LEON (masking his insult behind a sweetend voice) Have you ever tried, you know, not being a hateful bitch? I think it might work out for you. KRISTA (mocking Leon's tone of voice) Have you ever tried, you know, diving off a cliff into a pile of aids filled syringes? LEON Once in Aruba. Not as exciting as you might think. (trails off) Look, I just want to see Alix. KRISTA Ah, you failed to put in the “naked and in a submissive state to my sadistic and misogynistic sexual desires.” part. A simple mistake, I'm certain. She's in her lab. The news of his ditzy girlfriend having a lab causes Leon to react in the same fashion those in the middle ages must've acted when they were told the world was round, with shock, horror, and comic disbelief. LEON What?! She has a lab? My Alix has a lab? KRISTA If you took an interest in things of hers that can't be covered by a skimpy bra from Victoria's Secret, then perhaps you might've known that. (Krista finally looks up from her book.) And she's my Alix. She'll never be yours. JADE You really should know if she has a lab or not, Leon. What kinda boyfriend are you? Did you know she grows Oregano? KRISTA Ore...oh to be young and naieve! *KABOOOOOM!* What's that terrible noise, you ask? That's the sound of an explosion going off in the near room! As the trio's worried eyes turn towards the doors, Los Diablos De Fuego, wearing lab coats come running out. The homosexual superstars are in hysterics, screaming in Spanish and crying as though some tremoundous tragedy transpired. KRISTA Mariachi, Moracca, where's Alix? Is she alright? MARIACHI Senorita Alix! Ooooooh! Muy Malo! Her lab coat covered in blood, and her cute face soaked in dust and soot, Alix Spezia steps out of her “laboratory”. And by laboratory, read the en-suite attached to the COD locker room. ALIX Eureka! KRISTA You actually managed to create a race of superior tap dancing lizards that rival the dancing ability of the late Alvin Ailey? ALIX No silly! Eureka's Castle. That's the name of the show I was trying to think of. I got the castle bit, but I couldn't get the first name. Now I have it, in addition to a lizard's lung in my hair. Or maybe it's something else? Heh, I bet this lizard was real popular with the lady lizards! Hey Krissy, ya know how you told me Iguana's can grow their tails back? Well, how about their uh...eyes....or their arms, or their heads, or their ears, or any other random body part that's currently resting on my lab's wall? KRISTA You exploded your iguana? ALIX Uh. Heh-heh. About that. What if I, kinda, sorta...now this is just one of those hypodermic questions or wherever, but what if I, you know, wasn't really using an iguana but was actually using and have subsequently exploded your pet kitty, Gloria? KRISTA WHAT!?! Martha Stewart gave me that cat!! ALIX Oooookay, let's just run with the whole iguana thing. OH, we have guests!! Jade, my lizard just went BOOM! Like when that Ozbourne dude shot that JFK dude in the head. I know Ozbourne was pissed his show got canceled and his daughter sucks and everything, but he didn't have to shoot el presidente! OH, Lee-Lee, poor Gloria...uh..I mean poor unnamed lizard. LEON Hey, it's okay. (thinks about putting an arm around Alix's shoulders, before spotting the random lizard/cat goo on her lab coat and thinking better of it) I know what'll make it all better. ALIX What's that...is it a PRESENT! Oh my Gawd, you get me a present? That's so thoughtful of you. You didn't get me anything for Christmas, or New Year's, or our one month anniversary, or our one and a half month anniversary or even on . But, you've gotten me something today! Is it another kittyguana? Coz, I could kinda do with one right now. Ooor...is it money? No, no, you're only a midcarder, you don't make much if I remember right. If I know my Lee-Lee, it's gonna be somethin' real special that no-one else in the whole history of the world has ever gotten. Liiike...A DINOSAUR! No, no, wait that's silly. You midcarders would never make enough money to buy dinosaurs. Maybe one of those little ones that could fly...but, who'd want one of them? Who could they kill? LEON I was thinking of something a little more realistic and, you know, logical...such as unprotected sex! ALIX Oh man. That's all we ever do! When is this nightmare of hot sweaty sex in public places gonna end? LEON Well, what would you rather do? ALIX I want to know the real Leon. Your hopes. Your dreams. Your fears. Your middle name! LEON Um, my hopes are to have sex with you. My goal is to have sex with you. My fear is that while having sex with you I'll think about my mother, because you look like she did when she was young, thus turning sex with you into a disturbing yet strangely erotic experience. My middle name is I want to have sex with you. As a bonus, I like taking long walks on the beach where I fantasize about having sex with you on the beach or really any other location of your choosing. ALIX ....works for me! Come on, baby, why don't you stick your test tube in professor Alix's bunson burner? Disgusted, Krista chugs down a bottle of handy nearby Tequila as Alix motions for the 'jumpy up and down' Los Diablos to follow her. LEON Woah, slow the love train down, they're coming too? ALIX Yeah! Since when do you have a problem with an audience? LEON Well, I don't know about this. They'll be staring at my...you know...my 'thunderbolt'. ALIX Awwwww. LEON Eh, what the hell, I've been in worse situations. (to Los Diablos) But NO TOUCHY! COMPRENDÉ! MORRACA Manéjese con cuidado, Lee-Lee...MMMWWWWAAA! (slaps own BUTT) LEON .....hehehe, 'Morraca'. What a funny name. Alix and Leon run back into her lab with Leon heard to yelp "watch the arm" (psychology~!), with Los Diablos De Fuego right behind them. They seem to miming something about squishing something, or grabbing someone, but let's just leave that be shall we. That leaves Jade and Krista. Krista goes back to her book while Jade watches on, perhaps waiting for some sort of recognition for actually being alive and present. But she gets none. JADE Uh..I...I... KRISTA Yes? Come out with it, Porky Pig. JADE (sighing) Nevermind. Another highly awkward silence sweeps through the room, before Krista says something that's sure to get her kicked off the PTA. KRISTA So, you want a beer? JADE I'm only eighteen! KRISTA (laughs) And? JADE Well, I'm not old enough to drink! KRISTA Right, right. We must all respect the almighty law, yadda yadda yadda. You want a beer or not? JADE I..I..don't really think I should. KRISTA Wait a minute...you're eighteen years old and you DON'T want alcohol? Don't be a priss. A little alcohol never hurt anybody. JADE What do you call alcohol poisoning? KRISTA A myth propagated by the fascist anti-woman white men running the countries corrupt cola empires as a means to keep the superior beverage, alcohol, down. JADE What about drunk driving? KRISTA (sighs) I find swerving in out of traffic, while trying to avoid random pedestrians, a swarm of cop cars and a camera crew from Real Stories Of The Highway Patrol to be, how shall we say, invigorating. Besides, if you start drinking now it'll prepare you for time when your partner abandons you for a twisty haired scuzz king and your only remaining companions are a Neiman Marcus catalog, a glass of bourbon, and a bottle of valium as large as a monkeys head. Overcome by a wave of bad memories, Krista buries her head into her hand and starts to sob gently. JADE Are you alright, Miss Duncan? KRISTA Sweetie, the 1971 birthday I see everytime I stare at my drivers license makes me feel old enough. I don't need you making it worse by calling me Miss Duncan. Just call me Krista. Or perhaps you might wish to call me your beautiful, radiant, and youthful looking, highness. That might make me feel better for a while. JADE Wow, you're almost as old as my mom! KRISTA Okay, well this has been very...very...very...unfortunate. Good-bye. Krista gets up to find a place to drown her sorrows that's free of chatty teenagers. JADE Hey, where are you going? KRISTA While it may be late, I think there might be some traffic left on the streets I can throw myself into. JADE Wait! I never got to thank you. Stopping dead in her tracks, Krista tries to formulate the words spoken into something that makes sense without uttering the words 'DOES. NOT. COMPUTE.' KRISTA Thank me? Is that new code around here for “Make Krista's life a horrid unedurable hell”? JADE No. That's code for 'I really appreciated you saving me from Ned a couple of weeks ago'. KRISTA That? Oh, I didn't really do much. It's no big deal. JADE Yes it is! Everyone here says that your so mean and nasty, and that you're a cruel, self loathing, world hating... KRISTA Yeah, I get the point. Thank you. JADE. ...but you were the only person who came to help me when I was really in need. This is a company with forty maybe fifty wrestlers backstage, and only one came to rescue me. That was you. That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. You didn't have to do that. Even the camera man just stood there watching as that pig tried to violate me, and said those horrible things about my life. God, it was so awful. And those dumb announcers, all they could do was talk about what a terrible thing it was, but they wouldn't do anything to stop it. But you did. You saw I was in danger, and you came to help me. You're the nicest person I've ever met. Honestly. A lot of people will say nice stuff, but they won't do nice things, when that's what's really important. You do nice things. KRISTA The half ton of cow feces I dumped on Tony Brannigan's lawn last year might disagree with that. JADE Wow, I wish I was like you. You beat up ALL the guys. You just start punching them and pounding them, it's awesome. If I was in any way similar to you, Ned never would've tried that stuff with me. Did you see how afraid he was of you? Wow. That would be so cool if people were afraid of me like that. You're awesome. I wanna be just like you, Krista. KRISTA Oh no you don't! JADE Oh yes I do! KRISTA Honey, Jeffery Dhamer is a better role model then me. JADE I...don't know who that is. KRISTA Look, I've really gotta go before I start hearing noises from in there. I suggest you do the same. Krista slams her book and gets up to leave...but stops in the middle of the doorway. KRISTA Um, by the way...you're welcome. Hold the front page~! as Krista just SMILED at Jade before she left the room! Granted, it wasn't a 'warm' smile. It was more of a 'make the hero worshipping teenager think you care' smile, the kind she's perfected so well for her many book signings and public appearances. But, it was still sort of a smile. Commercial break Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 27, 2006 Cue: "Punishment" BUFFER The following contest is an Anderson Cup first round bout set for one fall! Making their way to the ring accompanied by Rick Heyross, at a total combined weight of 480lbs, Quentin Benjamin and Charlie Moss - Team Heeey-ross! Led by their manager, Benjamin and Moss walk down to the ring with determination. Heyross stops to jaw with a member of the crowd, before promising to the camera "That Cup is ours!" COLE We're drawing the first round of the Anderson Cup to a close, and Team Heyross will be desperate to progress and start to make a real impact in the tag division. Two weeks ago we saw them viciously attack their opponents tonight - they clearly mean business. COACH That's right, and with Rick Heyross by their side, there's no telling how far these young athletes can go. Team Heyross is in the ring, stretching out as Heyross gives them some words of encouragement. Cue: "Calling Dr Love" As the guitar chords rock out, two white coated figures appear on the entrance stage to cheers and screams from the excited female fans. BUFFER And their opponents, from Chicago, Illinois, at a total combined weight of 445lbs - Dr. Max Anderson and Dr. Steven Pigley - the LOOOOOOOOOOVE DOC-TORS! The Docs throw out some dance moves, before sprinting down to the ring and sliding in under the bottom rope. They spring up and strip off their coats to whistles of appreciation. COACH Oh, this is sickening. Why do women like these jerks? COLE Because they're buff. CABOOSE Mikey has a signed poster by his bed. COACH Is it laminated? There's no reply from MC, as the Docs and Team Heyross meet in the middle of the ring. Referee DAVE Hebner checks all four men over, before determining that it will be Moss and Anderson to start. As soon as Team Heyross turns their back, however, the Docs jump them, knocking them to the mat with hard shots to the back! COACH Oh come on! That's a DQ right there! CABOOSE The match hasn't even started yet. *DING DING* COACH Ok, *now* DQ them. The Docs throw Quentin Benjamin out over the top to the floor, then grab Moss and whip him to the ropes - stereo drop kicks! Anderson brings Moss up and whips him into a corner as Hebner gets Pigley out. Dr Max runs in and jumps with his boots into Charlie's midsection, trying for a monkey flip out of the corner, but Moss shoves him off and then levels the former ER Doc with a lariat! Moss grabs Max up with a handful of hair and applies a quick front facelock into a snap suplex. COLE The Docs tried to seize the early advantage, but Moss taking control here. COACH Cheats never prosper. COLE Do you think Max Anderson will have an advantage in the Anderson Cup? CABOOSE ....because his name is Anderson? COLE Yeah. CABOOSE You're a moron. Moss brings Max up and tags in Benjamin who has climbed back onto the apron. Team Heyross whips Dr Anderson to the ropes and hit him with a double shoulder block, then double elbow drop. As Hebner gets Moss out of the ring, Benjamin brings Anderson up and sets him for an Exploder suplex, but Anderson blocks with a boot behind Quentin's leg, and then drives forward, pushing Benjamin into the Docs corner. Pigley tags himself in on Max's shoulder, and quickly vaults into the ring. Max ducks down, and Pigley jumps up with a leaping enziguiri kick to the back of Benjamin's head! Max gets out of the ring, and Pigley takes the stunned Benjamin over with a fireman's carry into a seated armbar. Benjamin shakes his head clear and gets up onto one knee. Pigley drops the arm and tries for a short range Shining Wizard, but Benjamin blocks, grabs the leg and torques it, spinning Pigley to the mat with a Dragon screw takeover. Quentin drags Pigley across to his corner by that left leg, and tags in Moss, who comes in with a springboard elbow drop to Pigley's leg as Benjamin holds it in place. Moss with a series of kicks to the now targeted leg, before bringing Pigley up and whipping him to the ropes. Moss flattens himself to the mat as Dr Steven bounces back and steps over him to the other side of the ring, but then springs back to his feet and hits Pigley with a power slam as the Docs returns again! ONE! TWO! Pigley throws up a shoulder. Moss turns Pigley over and locks in a single leg crab, but Dr Steven quickly scrambles forward and grabs the bottom rope. Hebner counts the break, which Moss obeys, but as soon as the official steps aside Charlie grabs the Doc to his feet by the hair. A couple of forearm shots keep Pigley stunned, and then Moss goes behind with a belly to back suplex that drives the Doc hard into the canvas. Moss with the tag to Benjamin. COACH May as well call this one over. Team Heyross clearly too good for the Love Quacks. COLE Don't write them off. The Docs may not have been a strong presence in the OAOAST of late, but they are coming close to being one year HIYA tag champs, and that takes a lot of talent and determination. Rick Heyross applauds as Benjamin climbs to the top rope. He gestures for Pigley to rise, drawing boos from the pro-Doc crowd. As the Doc rises, Quentin vaults off with a flying clothesline - but Pigley ducks it! Benjamin executes a forward roll as he lands to come back up and charge at Dr P, but Steven greets him a Japanese style arm drag, and another as both men come back up. Benjamin staggers up and Pigley grabs him up, looking for his Lethal Injection (Michinoku Driver), but Benjamin kicks and slides out. Quentin lands behind Steven and hits a German suplex - but Pigley flips over and lands on his feet! Benjamin throws up his arms, celebrating the big move he thinks he's hit, and Pigley is able to jump over and tag Max Anderson! Dr Max jumps onto the top rope and springboards in with a flying forearm to the jaw of the unsuspecting Benjamin! Anderson back up and brings Quentin with him. Max holds Benjamin up in a bear hug while Pigley runs the ropes and nails Quentin with a hard clothesline! COLE Defibrillator! The Docs version of the Hart Attack, and that move has pinned many teams! CABOOSE Something tells me it won't this time. Indeed, Charlie Moss breaks it up before Hebner can even count one. Dr Max brings Benjamin up and hits a stalling suplex into the Docs corner. He climbs quickly to the top rope to the crowds approval, but Benjamin suddenly comes alive and runs up the ropes after him, clocking Max with a hard punch and then bringing Anderson off with a belly to belly throw from the top rope! Both men hit the mat hard, but Quentin rolls over for the cover: ONE! TWO! THR- Dr Steven breaks it up. Hebner sends Pigley out of the ring, as both Max and Quentin try to reach their corners to make tags. Benjamin is able to get their first and tags Moss, but Anderson too makes it, and the two new men meet in the middle of the ring to trade blows! Benjamin drags himself up and helps Moss in beating down Dr Steven, ignoring the protests of Hebner. Moss lifts Pigley up onto his shoulders, while Benjamin heads up top. COLE They're going for something big here! CABOOSE Really? COLE Yeah. CABOOSE Well ok then. Before Quentin can jump off, however, Max Anderson staggers up and knocks the ropes, causing him to slip and crotch himself on the top turnbuckle! With Moss distracted, Pigley manages to get a grip on his head with his legs and flip him over onto his head with a reverse 'rana! Moss rolls out of the ring, as Pigley takes the groaning Benjamin off the top rope - the Lethal Injection! Pigley starts to climb up to the top turnbuckle, but before he can reach the top Rick Heyross has a hold of his ankle! The crowd boos, but quickly turns to cheers as Pigley kicks him off and away to the floor! Dr Steve reaches the top rope. The interference has paid off, however, as Charlie Moss climbs up onto the apron and chops Pigley's left leg, that he targeted earlier, out from under him. Moss climbs into the ring and hits his second Dragon screw of the mat, this one bringing Pigley down from the 2nd rope! Moss then locks on the Mossy Knoll! COLE Elevated Texas Cloverleaf, and a lot of pain right now for Pigley's leg and back! Dr Anderson tries to crawl over, but Quentin Benjamin has a vice like grip on his leg! Moss leans back, applying all the pressure he can. Pigley reaches for the ropes, yells, clenches his fists - and taps out! *DING DING DING* BUFFER The winners of the match and advancing to the 2nd round of the Anderson Cup tournament - Team HeeeeeeeeeeeyROSS! Benjamin and Moss roll out of the ring to hug with their manager. Max goes to check on Steven, who indicates he's ok, if in severe pain. COLE A back and forth match, but Rick Heyross intervened at the crucial time to allow Charlie Moss to earn the win for his team. COACH Rick was just trying to steady Pigley on the ropes, and all he got for his troubles was a kick to the floor! These Docs have no class. CABOOSE Even allowing for Heyross's interference, the other teams in the Cup will have to fear Moss and Benjamin. COLE The Docs may count themselves unlucky, but Team Heyross advance. Let's go to something else! Lightning Crew segment COLE Up next is... (the lights go out, except for a blue light over the ring and a spotlight over the entrance. "Wine, Women, & Song" by Harvey Danger starts up, and a man in a top-hat, tuxedo, and wielding a cane comes out of the curtain.) CABOOSE What the heck is this? COLE More like, "Who the heck is this?" (No one can really get a good look at his face, as he struts down the rampway using his cane with his head down. He slowly climbs up to the middle rope of the ring as he gets to ringside, as the chorus of the song picks up...he takes his hat off... COLE It's SLY SOMMERS! COACH Everyone saw the posting on OAOAST.com about the big return, but no one knew it'd be this guy! He looks totally different also! COLE This is the same guy who got his reputation by trying to ward off Malibu, Hoff, & Calvin in 2004, followed by an awesome sixty-minute-draw against Crystal in Australia, and then he just vanished... CABOOSE Remember that one time when he came back...? COLE We've been trying to forget that. Anyway, of all the people to return tonight...THIS GUY?! Wow. (Sly smiles as wide as the night's sky, as a loud mixed ovation can be heard, some who remember Sly's past dealings in this company while others just like surprises) CABOOSE Looks like a totally new look for Sommers, as he's wearing what looks like a tear-away tuxedo suit, he's got a wacky shaggy hipster-kid haircut, and look at that damn mustache! COLE It's quite manly. (Sly does tear off the tuxedo using the buttons on the sides, revealing his new black long-legged tights with silver stripes down the side and "Allah of Wrestling" on the BUTT) COACH This young man in the ring, Chet Stevens, was set to face another journeyman wrestler named Bobby Lewis for an alternate spot in the Lethal Rumble right now...what's that? Oh, Sly laid out Lewis in the back, so according to wrestling rules, Sly gets the match. No alternate spot stipulation though. BUFFER Formerly from Bayside, California, now residing in Detroit, Michigan...he weighs in at 226 pounds....Sly SOOOOMMMERRS! His opponent, in the green trunks and black boots, from Tempe, Arizona and weighing in at 199 pounds...Chet Stevens! ::BELL RINGS:: Sly walks up to Stevens with a ridiculously fake grin on his face and shakes his hand. Sly and Chet circle around mid-ring after Sly backs up, and engage in a collar and elbow tie-up. Sly goes into a waistlock, into a spin-around, into a front facelock. Sly then converts that into a snapmare and backs off, mockingly brushing his hands off and allowing Chet time to get to his feet. COACH Looks like Sommers hasn't lost it... COLE That's one set of moves against an inexperienced indy guy. It's not THAT much of a test. Both wrestlers go into another collar-and-elbow tie-up, this time with Sly going into a fireman's carry instead. Sly pulls Chet up, goes into an Irish whip, then brings Chet over with an armdrag after he comes off of the ropes, pulls Chet up by the arm, and applies a reverse hammerlock! COLE So far, Sly's been utterly dominate, but he's keeping it totally clean. Sly then goes right to the headlock, quickly converting that into a judo throw to send Stevens down. Sly leaps up to the second rope and brushes his hands off again, giving Chet time to get himself together. Sly steps down to go for another collar-and-elbow tie-up, but Chet tries to throw a kick! Sly catches it with one hand, shakes his finger in mocking disapproval at Chet with the other, and brings him over with a crooked release crotched Northern Lights suplex! Sommers goes to work with stomps to the back, then pulls Chet up and sends him off with an Irish whip. Stevens comes off of the ropes and runs right into a crescent kick to the stomach! Sly follows up with a big Russian legsweep! COACH Sly's stepping up his game after Chet tried that shortcut! COLE Shortcut? Guys cheat all the time in wrestling, and that's not even cheating! Sly pulls Chet up and delivers a harsh European uppercut, followed by another Irish whip. Stevens comes off of the ropes and actually attempts a flying headscissors, but Sly reverses with a gutbuster! Sommers then lifts Chet up for a suplex and hurls him as hard as he can, stomach-first, onto the top rope, causing Stevens to bounce right off and land on his skull! CABOOSE GEEZ! Sly pulls up a dazed Stevens, hooks the head underneath his arm, and hits the Roll of the Dice/Hero's Welcome/reverse swinging neckbreaker! Sommers keeps ahold of Chet, as he rolls him onto his stomach, applies a cobra clutch with a bodyscissors, and rolls back onto his back! Chet immediately taps! ::BELL RINGS:: BUFFER Your winner of the match...SLY SOOOOMMMERRRS! (Sly tells the referee to back up, then mockingly shakes Chet's hand as Chet's completely out of it. Sommers forces the referee to raise his hand, then he leaves up the ramp, grabbing his cane and doing a little dance with it.) COLE Sommers wins the bout in short order, and it looks like he's added a new move to his arsenal in that devastating cobra clutch bodyscissors hold! COACH It's a shame he made his comeback so late so that he'd have no way to get into the Lethal Rumble this Sunday. But, I'm sure he'll succeed despite that fact. CABOOSE More hD~! in three! Commercial break Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 27, 2006 Sweet Home Chicago hits and Jumbo makes his way down the aisle. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST Heartland championship! Introducing the challenger, from Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at 440 pounds...JUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!! COLE Well, Jumbo in the last month or so has changed his look, he's changed his attitude, and the fans have changed their outlook on the big guy as well! He's been very impressive in recent weeks, and now as a result has earned a shot at the Heartland title! COACH No doubt, Alf is facing a big challenge, and I do mean BIG, right here tonight! Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon plays and Alf makes his way out to a big ovation. BUFFER His opponent, weighing 245 pounds...former World Heavyweight champion, and the REIGNING, and DEFENDING, OAOAST Heartland champion...ALFDOGG!!!!! Alf slides into the ring and takes the belt off, handing it to the referee. Jumbo attacks right away! *DING DING DING* COLE And the big man not wasting any time! Jumbo hammers Alf on the back, then whips him into a corner, following him in with an avalanche! COLE And Alf CRUSHED in the corner right there! Alf sinks down in the corner, then Jumbo picks him up and whips him to the other side. Jumbo charges...but Alf moves this time! Jumbo staggers, and Alf gets on all fours, and Jumbo falls backwards over him! Alf jumps on top of Jumbo, hammering him with right hands, then quickly goes up to the top rope. As Jumbo gets up, Alf drills him with a missile dropkick! COACH Great dropkick right there, and a quick cover! 1... 2..... Kickout with AUTHORITY as Jumbo pushes him 1/3 of the way across the ring! COLE It's going to take a lot more than that well-executed dropkick to keep this big guy down! Alf agrees with Michael, and slides out of the ring. Alf goes under the apron, and comes out with a kendo stick and a trash can! COLE And Alf's breaking out all the stops early here, Coach! Alf slides in and goes to the midsection of Jumbo with the stick, and then the back! Alf then places a knee to the back of Jumbo and starts to choke him with the stick! The referee places a count, and Alf releases at four. Alf gets up and drops a leg on the back of Jumbo's head! He rolls the big guy over and covers... 1... 2..... Kickout! COACH Not the authority on that kickout as we saw before, though! Alf gets Jumbo up, and tries to work him up onto the top rope. COACH What's he doing here? Alf, the Rumble's not for another three days! Jumbo is eventually set up in the corner, and Alf slides out of the ring, grabbing a TABLE and a trashcan lid! Alf slides the table into the ring, then jumps onto the apron and hits Jumbo over the head with the lid! He then gets into the ring and sets up the table before following Jumbo to the top rope. COACH He's not really going to try a superplex on this guy, is he? COLE It doesn't look that way, he may be looking to take Jumbo down with a Frankensteiner through that table! And Michael is right again, as Alf jumps onto the shoulders of Jumbo and attempts a hurricanrana, but Jumbo hangs onto him, staying on top. He then picks Alf back up, and then throws him down THROUGH THE TABLE!!! Alf rolls backwards on impact onto his front. COLE GREAT counter by Jumbo, and Alf could be out here, Coach! Jumbo slowly climbs down and pulls Alf out of the wreckage, then covers... 1... 2...... Kickout! Jumbo picks Alf up off the mat, then whips him into the ropes and catches him with a BIG BOOT to the face! Jumbo then backs up and measures Alf up, before dropping a big elbow! Cover... 1....... 2.............. Alf gets a shoulder up! COACH This could be a big upset right here, Cole! And could you imagine what this would do for Jumbo going into this Sunday to beat Alfdogg and take the belt off of him? COLE It would certainly do a lot for the big guy's confidence, no question about that! Jumbo delivers a vertical suplex to Alf, then rolls over for the cover... 1... 2....... NO! Alf gets the shoulder up again! Jumbo then sets Alf up on the ropes. COACH We saw the big guy use a superplex last week, will it get him the win here against Alf? Jumbo goes up to the second rope, and takes Alf to the mat with a SUPERPLEX~! 1... 2........ NO! Alf kicks out! COACH And much like Ric Flair, Alf just will not go away! COLE Jumbo walks over and grabs the trash can which was brought into the ring by Alf. He waits on Alf to get up, and SLAMS it into his skull! COLE Look at the dent in that trash can! Alf is out of it! Jumbo signals for the end, then backs into the ropes and delivers the XL SPLASH~!!! COACH That'll do it, we're gonna have a new champ...wait a minute, what's Jumbo doing? Jumbo rolls off after hitting his finish, then goes to the outside and goes back under the apron. COLE Well, I thought Jumbo could have had the title wrapped up right there, but apparently he wasn't too sure about it! Jumbo brings a LADDER out from underneath the ring, and slides it under the bottom rope! COACH Well, he's definitely gonna make sure now, Cole! Jumbo whips Alf into the ropes, and gives him a powerslam! He then sets up the ladder next to him, and starts to make his way up on the other side as the crowd stands up in unison. COLE Oh, no. COACH Jumbo likes to call his big move the XL splash, I wonder how many X's you can add onto the front of this one? COLE Well, Alf may be able to tell us if this connects... Jumbo climbs up to the very top of the ladder, and quickly FLIES OFF... ...but Alf rolls out of the way, and Jumbo lands flat on the mat! COLE Big risk by the big man, and it DID NOT pay off! COACH But both men are out, Cole! And the question is, who will be able to recover and summon the strength to walk away with the gold? The referee starts to count. 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! Both men make it to their feet, and Jumbo delivers a weak right hand, which is returned by Alf! Jumbo with a second attempt, but Alf blocks and starts firing off rights! COLE It looks like it's going to be Alf, Coach! Jumbo goes to the eyes to break up the flurry. COACH No, what it looks like is that you spoke too soon, Cole! Jumbo whips Alf into the ropes, but Alf ducks a clothesline and hits a superkick! Jumbo falls into the ropes, and as he comes back to Alf, Alf with the momentum somehow manages to take him overhead with a belly-to-belly! COLE And Alf, I don't know how he did it, but he somehow got him over! COACH It was Jumbo's momentum coming off the ropes that did it, I think. Alf doesn't get the big man up from a standing position. Alf comes off the ropes, and takes Jumbo down again with a Hart Attack clothesline! He then grabs the trashcan, and goes up to the top with it, coming down on the head of Jumbo! Alf then goes to another corner, climbing the top as the fans rise with him...and hits the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 COLE Put it in the bag! 1........... 2................. 3!!!!!!!!!1 *DING DING DING* COACH Great effort by the big guy, but Alf does it again! BUFFER The winner of the match...and STILL OAOAST Heartla... COLE WAIT A MINUTE! Buffer's announcement is cut off by Brock Ausstin sliding into the ring and flooring the worn out Alf with a clothesline! Brock then grabs Alf and tosses him over the top to the floor! COACH Again, could be a preview of this Sunday! Brock then walks over to Jumbo as Alf looks on from the floor. Brock picks up Jumbo...and DELIVERS AN F-STUNNER-5~!!!!!11111 COLE F-STUNNER-5 on the 440 pounder!!! Brock then stares down Alf, who is in the aisleway. Alf responds by raising his belt high overhead as the crowd cheers and Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon plays. *Cut to Sofa Central* COLE Folks, we'd like to take you back to last week. OAOAST Japanese superstars Foshi and Rikjin Massamoto were competing in their native land for the HI-YAH promotion. Here's some of the action from that match. (Clips are shown of a highly competitive tag team match consisting of Foshi and Rikjin against two other wrestlers. Massamoto and Foshi show some impressive teamwork and eventually pull out the win. After the match, there is no celebration whatsoever as the two leave on their own terms.) COLE Whether or not they like each other, these two proved they can get it done in the ring as a team and I wouldn't mind seeing them in the ring again on the same side in the future. COACH Well, you're not going to have to wait long to see them in the ring against each other because they're set to face off one-on-one in a rematch from Climax this Sunday at Anglepalooza. CABOOSE Shut up for a second, Coach. I've just been told that Foshi and Rikjin are backstage and I sure as hell don't want to miss this. (Backstage, Foshi and Rikjin are seen sitting down in a lockerroom. As opposed to prior weeks, there doesn't seem to be any hostility whatsoever between them.) RIKJIN I just want you to know that simply because we were made to team up and happened to be successful does not change the fact that I am going to come at you with everything I've got this Sunday. The last time we faced, you beat me in the middle of the ring and I do not intend for that to be repeated. (Foshi, as usual, does not really offer any response to what Rikjin has just said.) RIKJIN That said, we did work very well as a team and after our match, I think you'd do well to consider the idea of us as a tag team. I don't particularly like you, but as I've made very clear before, I have nothing but respect for you in the ring and all I'd ever want in a partner is a capable wrestler. (Rikjin stands up.) RIKJIN So, I offer you luck this Sunday. I feel you will need it. (Rikjin extends his hand and Foshi obliges, shaking it. As Rikjin turns away, Foshi holds on and pulls him somewhat closer.) FOSHI I suggest you remember this: since I beat you, you have not won a match in which I was not somehow involved. I wish you luck. (Foshi lets go of his hand. The two stare down briefly and Rikjin turns and walks away. The camera fades.) We WOOSH~! on over to the ol' interview stage where Tony Schiavone stands. TONY My guest at this time will, this Sunday at AnglePalooza, defend his OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship for the first time against Stephen Joseph in an "I Quit" match. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, Peter Knight! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" The crowd lets their feelings be known as Knight, dressed in a blue dress shirt and beige pants, walks through the sliding doors and over to the interview stage, the World Title belt gleaming on his shoulder under the lights. Upon reaching Schiavone, he lifts the belt off his shoulder and holds it up for the crowd, a smirk of contempt on his face. TONY Peter we'll talk about your match in a second, but first I think everyone here and watching at home wants to know why you sided with Axel when he revealed himself as the true leader of the Upstarts. Tony tilts the mic towards Knight for his answer but before he can speak, more booing floats his way. Knight glances around with a scowl as the booing turns into a small "ZACK!" chant which quickly builds in intensity. Knight simply waits it out until the crowd quiets back down. KNIGHT Tony, growing up, I learned a lot of lessons the hard way, but two things have become a sort of motto that I have lived by the three or so years I've been in this company. First, "Allow nobody to get in the way of what you want" and second, "Seize any opportunities that come your way." Let me tell you all a little story that begins soon after AngleMania III. If you didn’t remember, I left the OAOAST soon after that. True, I did have a bad knee that required surgery, but that isn’t the whole story. I went to management with a request that, sometime down the line, I get a World Title match against then champion Zack Malibu. Well, they seemed very interested at that idea, but for that to happen, they wanted me to become someone who would be sympathetic to the crowd against Big Bad Zack, one of those feel good “up from the gutter” stories that you see all the time. So, they have me change my look, send me back to my hometown and have me do everything except sit on Oprah’s couch and cry about how my priest touched me in a “bad” way as a kid. I knew this was crap, but I knew at the end of it was an OAOAST World Title shot........until I get a call from management telling me that my new look isn’t working, I should go get that knee surgery done and we’ll see you in a few months. Of course, the TRUTH of it was that Zack Malibu didn’t want to have to share his precious ring time with someone he feels isn’t in his league. TONY So why did you come back last year? KNIGHT I’m getting to that. So, 2005 rolls around and I see that things seemed to have changed around here. Drek was champ; young guys like Crystal, Axel and Hoff were in the main event and guys like Zack weren’t pulling all the strings backstage. When I resigned with this company, I made it crystal clear that I was NOT to be screwed with anymore. So I came back, won the X-Title and things seemed to be moving along.......but then everything blows up with Hoff and Drek and they both leave because of yet another Malibu ego-trip. I knew right then and there that nothing had changed around here and that my future was again threatened, especially when I was paired with Zack in the six-man tag tournament. If we lost, I knew who was going to take the fall. That’s when Axel came to me with his idea to finally reveal himself as our true leader with me as his champion, and you just don’t pass up opportunities like that. TONY Let’s talk about your match with Stephen Joseph this Sunday. Joseph isn’t happy at all at how he has been treated by Axel and is out for blood. Do you think you will be able to make him say “I quit”? KNIGHT Stephen Joseph is angry at me? OH NOES!! Well, guess I might as well hand the title over right now, huh? Here Tony, take the belt. If a guy with a broken arm, concussion and nobody to back him up is angry with me and wants to beat me up, then I announce my retirement from wrestling right here and now. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” KNIGHT (scoffs) Tony, Stephen Joseph is old news. I don’t want him around anymore, Axel doesn’t want him around anymore, hell, even the ORIGINALS are sick of him. (A figure climbs up onto the interview stage behind him) This Sunday, I am going to put everyone out of their misery. “YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Suddenly, Stephen Joseph, wearing clothing similar to the ring crews’ attacks Knight from behind, knocking him to the stage floor and peppering him with rights as Knight covers up. Security (obviously summoned by Axel) rushes in and grabs Joseph, needing five men to fully pull him off and away from the champion. Joseph motions towards Schiavone, indicating he wants the mic. Tony walks over and points it towards him. JOSEPH Yeah, I may have a broken arm, a concussion and no one to help me, but I don’t give a shit about any of that! I got a piece of you tonight, but this Sunday, I’m going to make your ass SQUEAL “I quit.” Fuck me? No, FUCK YOUUUUU!!!!! Knight trades words with him as security pulls him to the back. COACH How typical, attacking guys from behind. CABOOSE Knight did the same thing to Zack a few weeks ago! COACH Nuh-uh. Zack was looking right at him when PK hit him with the belt. If you are going to do a sneak attack, do it right. AnglePalooza is THIS SUNDAY! The arena's Sold Out, so call your local cable or sattelite provider to order NOW!!! $29.95 CUE: “I Disappear” by The Faint -The fans erupt and jump to their feet! The strobe lights flash all over the place in all different colors. Inside of the ring stands a jobber, a little guy (of course). He wears a gold speedo with the words “The Artifact” on the back in silver. The little name bubble pops up below him reading, “Art Simpson.” COLE Fans, this match is certainly a special one, as it marks the televised in-ring return of none other than Austin “Ragdoll” Baker! CABOOSE What separates this match from all the others is not only that it’s Ragdoll, but the fact that it’s only Ragdoll’s SECOND match in over a year. The last person he faced was Bohemoth, and he had a hell of a time in that match. It will be interesting to see how much training Ragdoll has gotten in since then. -The curtain opens slightly, and out steps JASMINE!~ The fans cheers grow louder as she smiles wide to them, her tight black skirt and small zip-up hoody causing many smiles as well. The fans, although they love Jasmine, don’t cheer for her. They cheer for who will be coming out through the curtain next...the anticipation builds... “I DISAPPEAR!...I LOST CONTROL!!...” -The fans cheers grow to deafening levels as their hero steps out, his ripped tight black jeans, Italian leather jacket and ripped white T-Shirt bringing back memories of 2004. His shaggy hair lays flat over his eyes, and the standard cigarette hangs in his mouth. It can only be one... BUFFER “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! The next match...is scheduled for one fall...with a 15 minute time limit!! In the ring...from Akron, Ohio...representing The Upstarts...”The Artifact” Art Simpson! -The fans don’t even hear the name. “...AND HIS OPPONENT!” -They hear that. “...FROM LAS VEGAS, NEVADA!! AND NOW RESIDING...IN HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA!!...THE ONE! THE ONLY! AUSTIN!!!! RAGDOLL!!! BAAAAAKERRRR!!!” -Jasmine smiles a wide smile as Ragdoll starts his walk down to the ring, brushing the hair out of his eyes. Art is shaking in the ring. COACH I don’t really think this Art Simpson kid knows what he got himself into here! Did he even watch the OAOAST in 2004?! Does he not know who Ragdoll is?! CABOOSE Obviously not. This kid is fucked. COLE Proper fucked. CABOOSE Yes, Micheal. Proper fucked. -Ragdoll slides into the ring, and Art comes running full charge at him! DING DING DING!! -The match has officially started! Art attempts to clothesline the slightly standing Ragdoll, but the veteran drops down again, causing the upstart to hit nothing but air. He rebounds off the ropes...WHAM!! A vicious kick straight to the shin causes the young man to fall to the mat. Ragdoll quickly stands and grabs Art by the hair, dragging him towards the turnbuckle. Ragdoll picks the jobber up to a standing position, pushing him against the turnbuckle...WHACK!!! FANS “WHOOOOOOO!!!” -...WHACK!! FANS “WHOOOOOOO!!!”” -Ragdoll smiles at the fans as he pulls Art out of the corner. He pushes him against the ropes. Strong Irish whip from Ragdoll, sending the newcomer to the opposite ropes. He rebounds, and Ragdoll’s sprinting towards him!! COLE COULD WE SEE THE TALLEST DEVIL DOLL TO DATE?! -Ragdoll plants his foot into Art’s stomach and pushes off, careening into the air. He is about two feet above Art.......WHAM!!!!! The fans groan, and the groans turn into a huge “HOLY SHIT!!” chant! COLE SEARCH AND DESTROY!!! RAGDOLL JUST HIT THE SEARCH AND DESTROY!!! COACH Art is done. Bye bye, Art Samson! COLE Art SIMP-son. COACH What the hell ever, he doesn’t have a job here anymore. -Art clutches at his face and writhes around the mat as Ragdoll slowly stands up, smiling the widest grin ever. He motions for Jasmine to hand him a cigarette, which she gladly does. Ragdoll pulls a lighter out of his pocket and lights the cigarette, taking a long drag as he looks out at the fans, all of whom are chanting his name. He smiles at all of them as looks around, before staring at Art, who is slowly getting to his feet. COLE Oh no...Oh No! CABOOSE/COACH OH HELL YES! -The fans cheer and giggle as Ragdoll backs up against the opposite ropes, smiling wide through his cigarette. Art is now to his hands and knees...Ragdoll’s running forward...Art’s to a knee...he raises his headBAM!!~!!~!~!!~!~@!#@~@~@~!@~!~! COLE/COACH/CABOOSE DEVIL DOLL!!!!! -The fans go apeshit as Ragdoll stands slowly. He smirks at Jasmine, who nods and hands him her water-bottle. Ragdoll drops down and non-chalantly covers. The fans count along... 1! 2!! 3!!!! DING DING DING!!! CUE: “I Disappear” by The Faint. BUFFER ”YOUR WINNER!! AT SEVEN MINUTES, THIRTY-EIGHT SECONDS...RAAAAAAAAAGDOLLLLLLL!!!!!” -Jasmine slowly climbs into the ring and struts to Ragdoll’s side. The two kiss before Jasmine walks over to the ropes, asking for Buffer’s mic. He hands it to her, and she in turn hands it to Ragdoll. The music cuts as Ragdoll takes another drag off his cigarette. He and Jasmine grin at the completely unconscious Art Simpson. Ragdoll slowly raises the mic to his lips. RAGDOLL “...Are YOU the best that The Upstarts could throw at me? Are you Axel’s “golden-boy” that I hear he’s been raving about? Fuck, kid...you got balls to be an Upstart AND face me...but balls aren’t brains, Art...and if you want to make it in this business, you have to have both. That being said...Welcome to the OAOAST, you little bastard.” -With that, Ragdoll drops his cigarette onto the bare chest of Art, causing the rookie to wake up, screaming. Ragdoll chuckles as he unscrews the cap of the water bottle and pours it all over Art, extinguishing the lit stub. CUE: “Eat You Alive” by Limp Bizkit -The fans cheers turn to immense boos, but Ragdoll keeps the smile on his face. He and Jasmine turn towards the entranceway, and out walks the HeldDown General Manager, AXEL! AXEL Whoawhoawhoa there, Austin...Whoa. -The fans cut Axel off, chanting... FANS “AX-EL SUCKS! AX-EL SUCKS!!” -Axel looks around a bit as Ragdoll makes an “oral sex” motion with his hand and mouth, then points to Axel, mouthing, “That’s what you do...you suck.” AXEL ...You think that I would send someone named ART to take you out? Austin, that hurts more than any glass table or barbed wire bat ever could. You should know by now that I am willing to go to whatever lengths to make sure you stay out of my hair, and... RAGDOLL Wait...can I say something real quick, Adam? -Axel sighs and nods. RAGDOLL ...Is there anyway that I can arrange it so I can make you bleed?...for old time’s sake? -The fans erupt as Axel shakes his head smiling. Ragdoll glares at Axel, a smirk still present on his face. AXEL ...You REALLY want to hurt me, don’t you? RAGDOLL As much as Guy Ritchie wants power in his marriage. COLE Wow...that’s a lot. COACH The lawyers are getting a call.....nnnnnnow. AXEL ...Tell you what, “Buddy.” I’ll make you an offer. At AnglePalooza, you will have a match...but not against a chump like that kid...No, you need someone up to your level...At AnglePalooza, it will be The Living Legend Austin “Ragdoll” Baker, the greatest wrestler to never wear the OAOAST Title - which, by the way, I’ve had twice... -The fans “Ooooooooooooooooo” at that, but Ragdoll keeps his smirk. He raises the mic again. RAGDOLL You also lost it twice, Twat...get to the point. -The fans laugh as Axel shrugs. AXEL It will be Ragdoll....facing off one-on-one.....against..... GUNNER SHARPS!!! -The fans erupt as Ragdoll’s eyes go wide, his smile rising as well. COLE WHOA!! CABOOSE Ragdoll versus Gunner Sharps?! That’s going to be frickin’ incredible! AXEL ...But, in the spirit of fairness, I will allow YOU to pick the stipu... RAGDOLL Falls Count Anywhere. -The cheers grow even louder. Jasmine looks at Ragdoll as if he’s crazy. She’s right. COLE WHOA!~!~!~ COACH Ragdoll/Gunner Sharps...in a FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH?!~ CABOOSE Match. Of. The. Year. AXEL Falls Count Anywhere? Damn, all right. It’s settled then...at AnglePalooza! It will be Austin “Ragdoll” Baker...facing off agai... RAGDOLL Christ, dude, you’ve gotten dramatic since I left! We all know what the match is! However...the question I think is on EVERYONE’S mind... is if I win, do I get a shot at you? -The cheers grow even louder as Axel smiles slightly. AXEL If you beat Gunner, then Yes...you get a shot at me. -The cheers are so loud, they’re almost a silence. Ragdoll smiles even wider. RAGDOLL Then you got a match. COLE WHOA!~!!^&^$@~@$~!~!~!$&^$!~! COACH RAGDOLL! GUNNER SHARPS! FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE! ANGLEPALOOZA! IT’S OFFICIAL!!!! -The screen fades to commercial as Ragdoll and Axel stare each other down. COLE Up next, the final Anderson Cup first round match AND Zack takes on the NNMX alone! Stay tuned. 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KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 27, 2006 TERRY TAYLOR Oh no, oh no, oh no! Girls, I know you love camera time, but did you really have to do this?! (The camera goes to a shot of The Coach bound and gagged at the side of the announce table. Caboose and Cole are nowhere to be found. Coach's joy over being manhandled by Chicks Over Dicks seems to have been replaced by anger over having to be tied up for the next fifteen minutes. Speaking of COD, the camera pans out to reveal the girls from SoCal, Chicks Over Dicks, sitting innocently in Triple C's spot. Alix, wearing a pink A&F polo shirt and destroyed crop jeans, is stretched out across the announce table, sipping on her third margarita. Krista, outfitted in a sleeveless black wrap top and a ruffled red lace mini skirt, is on the couch in Caboose's position. Poor Terrence Taylor is hunched up against the armrest, sweating bullets at thought of the possible repercussions for his part in this insurrection.) ALIX Awww, don't be such a male reproductive organ, babe. We're just having a lil' fun. Don't be so snarky, sparky! KRISTA Hey, I know Caboose and Cole got a kick out of it. I mean they did give us the rope. Don't get your feathers ruffled, Chicken Hawk. You're always moaning that no one around here treats you like a human being.... ALIX “Oh everyone is so awful to me! Waaaaah nobody is nice to me!” Like it's my fault you had to have a full on cavity search by a fat Korean dude at the San Fransisco airport! TERRY You called and told them I had sixty grams of cocaine hidden in my rectum! I couldn't control my bowels for two weeks! KRISTA Well, here's the perfect chance to show the world that Terry Taylor is more then a miserable comedic prop with even less sophistication and acting range then Conan O'Brien's masturbating bear. Plus, we've got drink service! ALIX I love, love, love the masturbating bear. The way he cups his manhood is soooooo adorable. It reminds me of how my momma's ex-boyfriend, you know, the Elmer Fudd one, would cup my womanhood. It took me years to find out why he would rapidly thrust his fingers in there. TERRY You really should see somebody, Alix. These--These repressed memories can't be heathly. ALIX Hello? Paging Terry Taylor's brain. I AM seeing somebody, silly. Leon Rodez. (Krista nods to Mariachi and Moracca of Los Diablos De Fuego, who are dressed as waiters and hold a serving tray full of alcohol beverages) KRISTA Fans, here I am at Sofa Central with Terry Taylor and the winner of the 2005 female wrestler of the year, beating me out even though she's lost two times as many matches as me, six as opposed to my three, and has won eight fewer matches then myself, despite being in the company a year longer then me. But I'm not bitter, no sirreee bob! I'm sure if I wrestled in teeny tiny shorts that showed off half my ass, I could win a few awards to. Nope, not bitter at all. Who am I gonna have to deport to get a god damn bottle of tequila around here? ALIX Ooh, ooh, ooh. I'll take a Shirley Temple. TERRY And I'll take death. But we're just moments away from one of our final Anderson Cup opening round match, featuring NRG taking on a team that owes their continued employment to Miss Krista Isadora Duncan, The Sk8er Boiz. The winner of this bout gets to take on ThunderKid and Reject. The other LI conference second round match sees these very same Los Diablos go against the Heavenly Rockers! The house lights sink to a spooky darkness, as the arena is given light only be a steady green buzz shining around the entrance stage. The electronic preamble of Gavin Rossdale's ode to testosterone Adrenaline is heard loud and clear over the state of the art system. Those in the crowd that recognize the music bring a group of jeers and taunts to the arena air. The black entrance doors marked by the OAOAST logo strewn across the front rip apart, and give birth to a massive litter of catcalls from the audience who are none too pleased to see NRG. Biff Atlas, sporting a black cowboy hat , a white NRG t-shirt and aqua colored trunks, enters first, sneering at the disrespecting crowd. Mackenzie DeCenzo, showing off her splendid figure in hip hugging cargo pants and white t-shirt, emerges next, snobbishly holding her head high. Finally Flex Phillips, leader of this outfit, saunters out, wearing the same aqua colored tights as his long time partner. The trio join hands and foist their arms into the air as a series of blue pyro missiles explode around them and the Arizona crowd's disgust reaches it's greatest height. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following match is scheduled for one with fall with a 30 minute time limit! It is an opening round contest in the 2006 Anderson Cup! Now making their way to the ring, accompanied by Mackenzie DeCenzo, first from Venice Beach, California, weighing in at two hundred and fifty seven pounds, he is the crown prince of hair care, BIFF “SHAMPOOOOO” ATLASSSS! And his partner from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, he has the body of a Mr.Olympia, and the mind of an Oxford scholar, weighing in at two hundred and ninety five pounds, he is FLEX PHILLLIPSSSSS! Together they are...Nutritions Real Gurus......N..R....GEEEEEEEEEEEE! KRISTA (scoffs) Nutritions Real Gurus? Some would say I'm a fitness guru myself, but I'm not. I'm a fitness queen! And Ned Blanchard is an ASSHOLE! ALIX Somebody better get moving on that Tequila, or it's gonna be a looooong night. The group walks down to the ring, with purpose and intent in their steps. Flex pauses in front of the camera to uh...flex his Mr.Olympia worthy biceps. Shouting over the jeers of the sellout crowd, he blasts his soon to be arriving opponents, The Sk8er Bois. Eventually, Phillips follows the rest of his troop into the battle field. He strikes statuesque bodybuilding pose at the center of the ring, while Biff stands on the turnbuckle, furiously ripping off his shirt Hulk Hogan style. Adrenaline cuts generating a murmur amongst the crowd who's eyes are now locked onto the entrance way. Ten female dancers clad in costume military fatigues are positioned on the entrance stage, five on each side of the door. The house lights morph from a sea green, to a darkened orange. The remarkably attractive dancers begin writhing their bodies to the bumping testament of Sean Paul's We be Burning. The doors pull apart, showcasing teen idols, Marvin and Melvin Nerdly! This appearance of the stunning hunks scores a chorus of ear splitting screams from every woman in attendance! Cheers echo around the Sk8er Boiz, as they rhythmically bump n grind with the bevy of scantily clad dancers. BUFFER And the opponents....from Laguna Beach, California VIA Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, they are former tag team champions, and the two hottest dudes in the OAOAST, The Marv, Hell Mel.......THE SK8ER BOIIIIZZZZZZZZ! A wave of shrieking girls gives the OAOAST's understaffed security force quite the workout, as they press up against the steel guardrail, each praying that they might be the one who can get their hands on the tanned skin of these beautiful gods. Mel, attired in an NRG tanktop, and dangerously low rise destroyed white jeans, strolls down the left side of the ramp, whipping the women into a frenzy with cute winks and sexy smiles. Dressed in similar pants, and a Mink fur coat, Marv cockily struts down the right side. He gingerly teases and taunts his worshiping fans, by opening his coat to reveal a hint of his glistening washboard abs, only to cruelly slam it shut the moment the girls go wild for the peek afforded them. After nodding to their personal hero, Krista, the kids slide into the ring, and hit a pair of bodybuilder poses, a direct insult to the formidable foes across from them. Cooler headed Flex opts to start for his unit while Mel does the same for his team. The ref calls for the bell and we are underway! TERRY The Sk8r Boiz were at the Bank One Ballpark today for an autograph session. There were hundreds of fans present, and they were practically pushing the twins onto the field, they were so excited. The only time anyone's pushed me onto a ball field was when my ex-wife did it when we flew over one in an airplane. Thankfully a mascot broke my fall! Here's the bell (finally) DING DING DING! Mel offers a sportsmanlike lockup to his rather unsportsmanlike foe. But Flex ain't gonna have none of that. He's came to whup ass, and whup ass he will do. He fires off a round of hard hitting left jabs, that go unanswered until Mel comes back with a surprise kick to the knee. The peppy babyface starts rifling dangerously painful punches and elbows to Phillips' noggin. Flex ruefully wonders why a man who weighs over a hundred pounds less then he does is so easily able to lay into him. More punches! More elbows! More reasons for Flex's wife to cheat on him with the mailman! Snarling, Phillips retorts with a pair of haymakers, each missing horribly. Mel stays on the attack, his sheer hand speed allowing him to pepper Flex's face with piston like punches before the mammoth grappler even knows what's what. Phillips cowardly backs out of the lopsided opening exchange sporting a deep cut across the bridge of his nose as a result of his oafishness. With sorrowful eyes, The Floridian glances over to his partner, who simply shakes his head in unmasked disappointment. Upon composing himself, Flex hits the ropes facing Mel and guns back at the Boi with the speed of a bullet. But Hell Mel has a clever counter cooking in his kitchen, in the form of a Manhattan drop! As Phillips' minuscule testicles rocket into his chest cavity, affable Mel taunts him with a little posedown routine. An angry Phillips stands up, trying to nurse his little unit back to health. As he does so, Melvin scampers to the top turnbuckle. The fans bluster in anticipation for a high risk move, and Hell Mel certainly doesn't disappoint. When Flex commits the fatal error of turning around to face Nerdly, The Sk8er Boi propels himself forward and tags the nutrition guru with a missile dropkick! As chants for the babyfaces swell across the venue, Mackenzie covers her ears in a futile attempt to block out the vexing noise! TERRY Girls, NRG had some cruel words for you, saying you owe your fame to the fact you slept with everyone in your Rolodex. KRISTA I can't speak for Alix, Terry, but Krista Isadora Duncan doesn't go sleeping around. Men come to me, begging yours truly to give them a night to remember. Before coming out here, I saw Biff and Flex oiling each other up. And looking at what's happened in the bout so far, I'd say NRG is used to getting pounded... TERRY By each other! Oh Terry, you're sexy, witty and a great announcer. The true triple threat! Obviously this match isn't unfolding in the manner Phillips envisioned! Consequently, Flex has to move with a desperation he'd never thought he'd have to. Flex attacks Melvin with a knee strike to the gut, and wastes nary a second in following it with a forearm to his upperback. Thinking the youth dazed, Flex hauls him into a front face lock. Preparing to hit a big time brainbuster, he whispers a series of spiteful taunts to his hated rival. But before he can even get Mel off the ground, the Sk8er Boi, owing an assist to his heavily baby oiled body, slips out of the hold! Putting his new found freedom to good use, energetic Mel whips a barrage of chops into a dejected Phillips' beefy chest. Ten solid knife edges light Flex up like Rockefeller plaza at Christmas before Mel whips him to the cables. Phillips bounds back putting his best foot forward with every big man's favorite move, the big boot! However, Mel nonchalantly catches Phillips' leg and shoves it back to canvas. Astounded that he's on the losing end of this contest, Flex is much too unsettled to stop Mel from latching into his left arm, and nearly tearing it out off it's socket with a single arm ddt! Mackenzie makes herself useful, preemptively distracting the referee before Mel can even attempt a pin. KRISTA NRG's valet is kind of hot. Clearly the years of heavy cocaine use have yet to decimate her figure. Although looking through her spread in Men's Fitness I can see that her swiss cheese BUTT shows the cracked roadwork I'd expect to find only on the decrepit roads of inner city Detroit. Flex stands up, protecting his bad arm, lobbing feeble right jabs to keep Nerdly at bay. Quick as a flash, Hell Mel easily evades the lazy strikes and attacks Phillips with a dropkick to the injured arm. Caught in obvious pain, Flex stammers backwards. Mel pushes his advantage, leaping onto Flex's broad shoulders into a hurricanrana position! The minute he situates himself on the peak of the mountainous grappler, Phillips frantically tries to throw him off with a powerbomb. Unwilling to be the recipient of the deathly hold, Mel spins out to Flex's side, drops backwards and whips the 6'3 brawler over with an arm drag to that hurt arm! As Flex lies on the mat whimpering like a hurt kitten, the excited audience cocoons Mel within an ocean of applause. Phillips stands up, trying to catch his breath and get the blood flowing back to his arm. Melvin jets to the cables, leaping onto the third rope, and ripping back through the air with a graceful lionsault! But Phillips hits a stroke of luck, and catches the hero on his spacious shoulders! Thinking he has Nerdly tightly clamped onto his body, Flex makes a bee line for the corner. But Phillips hold isn't quite as secure as he believed, and Melvin's glistening body slides out of it! Moving to Flex's side, Nerdly cinches onto the muscle man's arm, and pulls him backwards with a side russian leg sweep! KRISTA Yikes! At this rate Mel may end this match before we see Marvin or Biff. Phillips rises to his feet, and assaults Mel with a plethora of vulgarities. Melvin let's the harsh words roll off him like a rain drop, preferring to do his fighting with action and not empty tough talk. Sporting an arrogant grin, Mel coolly beckons the former bodybuilder in. Upset with the lack of respect shown, Flex whirls around with his good arm to horsewhip Melvin with a discus clothesline. The teen idol slips beneath Phillips' arm, and puts himself in a fabulous position to inflict some serious harm to his archrival! Flex turns around and gets his head smacked from side to side like a ping pong ball by Melvin's raid fire punches! Acting entirely out of a sense of self-preservation, Phillips turns the tide by boorishly thumbing Nerdly in his ebony eyes. While Flex catches his depleted breath, Hell Mel woozily staggers about the ring, combating temporary blindness and the water forming in his eye sockets. TAYLOR I see that Flex isn't afraid to be scummy enough to try and win this match. ALIX And I see that the frat boys behind me aren't afraid to be drunk enough to try and grab my breasts. KRISTA By the way, Ned Blanchard is an ASSHOLE! You're an ASSHOLE, Ned! ASSHOLE! ALIX Uh-oh. I think somebody's about to be very cranky. KRISTA Eat me! ALIX Right now? KRISTA Eat me!! ALIX As you wish. TERRY Hold on a minute, Alix. Look at this. ALIX Eh. I'm kinda in the mood for taco not sausage. TERRY No. I'm talking about the action in the ring. Flex tries to swing momentum back to his camp with an Irish whip. However, the savvy cruiserweight effortlessly reverses it. Before Phillips can run the ropes, Melvin catches his left arm, and uses it to whirl Flex in front of him. With the raucous crowd singing his name, Mel clutches onto Phillips' neck, then violently cranks it with a swinging neckbreaker! Leaving Flex to moan in misery, Nerdly takes off to the ropes, preparing to return with a running shooting star press. Yet Phillips has other ideas within the twisted recess of his mind. Betraying the hurt in his neck, he springs up as Mel is only a few inches away from him. Thanks to the short distance separating them, Hell Mel isn't able to offer an offensive move, and instead can only brace himself for the impact of Phillips' vile spinebuster! The savage ending of the slam rocks the ring to it's very core. While Mackenzie sarcastically claps for Flex finally performing some sort of offensive maneuver, he pulls Melvin up by head. Phillips lands a few well placed elbows to the small of his back to keep the plucky Sk8er under control as he drags Mel to the NRG corner. A tag is applied to the surly shitkicker, Biff “Shampoo” Atlas. ALIX Biff has a really weird gimmick. Bisexual redneck hair fetishist bodybuilding badass with a protein drink empire. It's like they used one of those random gimmick generators to come up with his character. What's next, lesbian single mother alcoholic fitness guru who's impossible to beat? Oh wait...awkward! KRISTA This just in to Sofa Central: Ned Blanchard, you're still an ASSHOLE! TERRY Krista, please. We're live. KRISTA Why don't you eat me, Terry. It's obvious you've fantasized about it. Every red-blooded man has. Oh, that's right. You like 'em young and pretty, don't you? Like the time you and Dr. Death sexually assaulted that 13-year-old Japanese girl, right? TERRY I beg your pardon?! KRISTA You should be begging for God's pardon. I personally think the big guy's overrated, but that's just me and Alix. ALIX I like God. I hear He can do some pretty cool stuff. Biff's entrance into the fray is met with inquisitive chatter from the fans. As he has never competed in an OAOAST ring, most are genuinely curious to see how he'll perform. He immediately starts off on the wrong foot, getting taken off his foot with a gorgeous leg lariat by Mel! Biff, chewing tobacco, stands up amazingly quickly. He lathers Hell with an ensemble of forearms, each beating his chest like a drum, causing Mel to trumpet sorrowful blues. An Irish whip transports the former tag team champ to the corner, and Biff is right behind him with a fierce corner clothesline. The immense pain of the attack barely has a second to register in Mel's mind before Biff commences ripping into his midsection with hated filled stomps. A young female fan in the front row actually has the unbelievable audacity to heckle Atlas. Never one to let such discourtesy go unpunished, Biff hurls a wad of tobacco at the innocent girl! TAYLOR Words can't express the joy I'm feeling being on the laughing end of unwarranted abuse, instead of the receiving end! KRISTA You thought that was funny? Pack your flame retardant underwear, and asbestos proof swimsuit because you've won an all expenses paid trip to hell. Hey Hitler, you up for some fried chicken? ALIX Why did he hit her? KRISTA & TERRY ...... As the moralistic fans decry his shameful display, Biff is already executing his next devastating move, a standard brainbuster. However Mel prevents his brains from being busted by latching onto the ring ropes as if his young life depends on it. And knowing Biff, his life probably does depend on it! Despite his unrivaled strength, Biff can't manage to overpower the rope aided resistance of his foe. Now looking like a man possessed by the darklord himself, Biff breaks his hold and promptly attempts to separate Mel's head and neck from the rest of his body with a lariat! Mel dodges the beheading, rolling bellow the approaching arm and making Atlas even madder then before. The Venice Beach native tries to bust the Laguna Beach native wide open with a fearsome running clothesline. But Mel thankfully aborts the move with a swift kick to Biff's ample gut. Nerdly snags a doubled over Atlas into a front facelock, then spikes his large melon into the unforgiving canvas with a textbook DDT! Too eager to show the world how tough he is, Atlas makes the mistake of standing right up and eats a second DDT for his folly! Being the hard headed sort, he doesn't learn his lesson and returns to his feet for another beating. This time his headstrong blunder earns him a DDT of the tornado variety! The rabid fans heartily applaud for the DDT triplets, as the world seems to wave and swim before Biff's blurred vision. KRISTA I want to point out that I've remained insightful, reasonably calm and most importantly, sober, whereas my sloshed partner is swapping spit with some University of Arizona freshmen. Alix, the girl's barley old enough to remember Michael Jackson when he was black! I guess it's better she do that then dance the can-can on the announce table. Mel strolls over to his corner and makes the tag to Marvin, who sarcastically mouthes the word “Thanks”. Why the sarcasm? Because the burly strongman Biff is on his feet, with steam pouring out of almost every hole in his thick body. Needless to say, Marv isn't overly enthralled at the prospects of trying to tame this ferocious beast. The Marv holds his hands in front of his body, palms first, while manically imploring Atlas to “simma down now.” To absolutely no one's surprise Atlas doesn't grant Marv's request, deciding instead to try and knock him out of the ring and into Mariachi's serving tray with a running shoulder tackle! The shot nearly caves in Marvin's chest and knocks him flat on his back, drawing concerned gasps from several teenage girls. Against his better judgment, the pride of Western Canada stands up, only to get clocked with another shoulder tackle! Snorting like a rampaging bull, Biff takes a chunk of Marv's gelled hair and drags him to his feet. After pelting his sweat drenched forehead with two closed fists, Atlas hurls him across the ring with a rough Irish whip. The Marv returns to a belly to belly suplex! But he somehow lands on his size 10 shoes, scoring an appreciative cheer in the process! While the onlookers may be delighted, sour Biff is anything but! He catches an incoming flying forearm from Marv, and tries his damnedest to break the Nerdly twin in half with a powerful urange into a backbreaker! But as soon as he's put in front of Atlas' body, the handsome hunk wraps his legs around Biffy's torso, then jerks him down to the canvas with a roll up! CROWD 1 CROWD 2 Hollering like the madman that he is, Biff shoots his shoulder off the canvas! He jumps up and throws a match and potentially career ending clothesline at Marv! However the lightening quick superstar denies himself a trip to the emergency room and the lollipops that come with it, by avoiding the move and spinning behind Atlas to hook him into a waistlock! Marvin works a miracle equivalent to Jesus walking on water, hitting a the hulking grappler with a German Suplex! Every single person in the jam packed venue is completely flabbergasted that David was able to slay Goliath in such a fantastically impossible manner. Nerdly proves it was no fluke, and wows the roaring crowd with a second suplex! Can he get a third? The mega hottie is certainly going to try, but Shampoo has every intention of stopping him! Biff snaps a nasty elbow at the side of Marv's cranium, and immediately feels the affects of that strike in the form of a loosened grip on his waist. He rifles another painful elbow and acquires the same pleasing result! The third time turns out to be a charm, and the grasp is shattered altogether. Biff readjusts himself then throws a clothesline shortly thereafter. Already having to deal with a serious migraine, Marv has no chance of countering Atlas' latest lariat, and finds himself mashed to the beige canvas! KRISTA Biff's clotheslines have all the extension of Jim Ross lifting his leg up to the fart. You'd think if you were going to only use one move, you'd try and throw it so it doesn't look like you were trained by one of the fighters off Bumfights. Shampoo starts to lift Marv off the canvas, and quickly finds his clothesline didn't do nearly the amount of the damage he thought it would as Marv starts winging boisterous punches deep into his ribs! The Californian makes a valiant attempt to strike back, but Marv hits him often enough to keep Biff off balance. He pulls himself upright, then uses his speed advantage to swing behind his lumbering rival and secure a waistlock. More German suplexes? Not if Biff has anything to say about it! A succession of elbows breaks the hold and snuffs out all hope of a suplex. A festering cauldron of sexual rage, Biff spins around, intending on hammering Marv with a sadistic forearm smash. But that never materializes, as Marvin speedily crooks his head between Biff's unattacking arm and floats him over with a Northern lights suplex! Referee Clem Buzzlefoxer hits the mat to count the pinning situation! CROWD 1 CROWD 2 KICK OUT! ALIX What I've really been impressed with is the way the Bois have actually out brawled the bigger NRG. That and their tight butts. Mostly their tight butts. But the brawling thing is kinda cool also. Not as cool as their tight little tushies. KRISTA While we're on the subject of butts. Hey Ned, you're still an ASSHOLE! Biff stands and instantly finds himself under fire from a swarm of rapid fire kicks from The Marv! Unable to defend himself from the fast moving blows he's helplessly backed into the corner. Marv follows Atlas in, allowing him no respite. He winks at Krissy, who giggles like a schoolgirl, before Irish whipping his rival across the ring! But Shampoo reverses it and sends Marv running! Annoying NRG to no end, Marv evades a gruesome collision with the poorly padded steel turnbuckle, by pressing his hands onto the top rope and springing back! However the agile counter does not come without it's pitfalls. Marv's landing is of the cringe worthy variety, his left knee twisting disgustingly as his foots planted onto the mat. Despite his best efforts to do so, his grimacing face can't mask the intense pain besieging his left leg. Biff detects his rival's afflicted state and stalks the youngster as he clumsily hobbles about the squared circle. The blood is in the water and the great white is coming to feast! Eventually Atlas closes in on his victim, huffing and puffing like a psychotic wolf. He wraps Marv's arm around his head, ties his arms around his lithe waist, then foists the Boi high into the sky. Biff delays his move for around eleven seconds, lending Marvin time to contemplate the grievous error he and his brother committed in angering NRG. After the clock ticks twelve, Biff slams Marvin left leg first across his outstretched knee with an especially brutal knee breaker. KRISTA Biff, not as stupid as he sounds or looks, is starting to make Marvin pay for his error. While the crowd tries to rally the adored babyface, Shampoo seeks to annihilate him. Atlas has greater success then they do, grabbing Marv's left leg and holding it horizontal to the mat. Showing technique that betrays his stupefying lack of wrestling ability, Biff drapes his right leg across Marv's left. He drops down and beautifully impacts The Marv's leg into stone solid mat! Tormented Marvin screams into the night, drawing tears from many a young woman, and putting a devious grin on Biff's face ALIX (Standing up and cheering like a cheerleader to rally the Boiz) Melvin, Marvin, Mama Cass, drop those pants so I can spank your ass! Atlas elevates a grounded Marv's burdened left leg, then swiftly buries a smart elbow into the sore part of his inner knee. Marvin pulls his sweat soaked upper body off the mat, howling in chilling agony. The expert camera man gets a telling shot of twelve year old girl crying as she watches her crush get brutalized. Looking to inflict even more harm upon the perfectly sculpted body of Marvin Nerdly, Shampoo begins a figure four leg lock. But during the pivotal part, where he has to turn his back to Marv, the Sk8er Boi stuns him by using his good leg to shove him into the turnbuckles nearest the Sk8er corner! The fans pop huge as Shampoo endures a freight train worthy collision with the ring posts. Blue eyes almost rolling into the back of his gigantic dome, the dazed warrior staggers backwards into a rollup by Marvin! Buzzlefoxer drops into position to make the count.... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Atlas turns a defensive kickout into a clever offensive attack, pressing his sweaty palms onto Marv's sweet tushy and pushing him towards that very same turnbuckle he was so rudely introduced to! As bad as Biff's crash may have been, Marvin's is ten times as repugnant. The alluring hunk trips over his own wrestling boots and impales his shoulder on the callous metal ringpost! Even Mackenzie has to join in the onlookers in shuddering at the head on hit. The silver lining in the very bleak cloud is that Marv landed in his corner. Consequently he's able to tend to his injuries while Mel takes the fight to NRG. KRISTA What a dumb move by Biff. However it's not as dumb as you, Alix, removing the gas gage from your car because you thought that way you'd never have to fill it with gas again. ALIX If it can never hit E, then it's never out of gas. Duh, Krissy! I know stuff because I got my like LSD. KRISTA Honey, do you mean GED? ALIX Oh, I got that to! Teeming with energy (lol da punz!) and spurred on by the fan support, Mel sprints toward Biff at top speed with a shoulder block. Reacting incredibly fast, Atlas adjusts his position, affording himself in easy time in locking Melvin into a sleeper hold. However that pedestrian submission attempt stays cinched in for a paltry five seconds, before Hell Mel ambles to a neutral corner! As Atlas' grip begins to wane, Mel sinks to his knees. Biff's deteriorating hold evaporates entirely and his momentum carries him face first into the top turnbuckle! Biff winces at the sensitive pain, while Mel takes a moment to regroup. Having quickly recovered, Shampoo measures his distance, juts forward and lambastes Melvin with a mighty right cross to the chin. Fortunately Mel has a granite (as a opposed to a glass) chin, and is able to shake the damage off. Before Atlas can lob another hard hitting punch, Mel tries to calm the sociopath down with the sleeper hold Atlas himself used moments ago. He has about as much luck as Biff did, which is to say none at all. The powerhouse from the left coast meets no difficulty in wrapping his arms around Mel's slender waist and clutching onto him like the world's largest leech. He hoists the body women around the globe are drooling over into the air and prepares to destroy him with a back suplex! But the gallant hero turns the tables on the miscreant villain, back flipping out of the move! TERRY Mel and Biff engaging in a bit of one upsmanship! ALIX What do you call it if they both fail miserably at what they were trying to do? One downsmanship? One terrytaylorship? Important questions that can only be answered by making out with this sorority girl behind me. Atlas proceeds to whip Melvin off into the ropes. Mel bounces back, not as the victim, but as the attacker, tossing himself at the nutrition expert with a graceful cross bodyblock! In a scene oft repeated in the world of pro grappling, the big man catches the little man within his king size arms. Biff nods to a smiling Mackie, and proceeds to propel Melvin overhead with a grade A fallaway slam! However, Melvin avoids disaster, landing on his feet! Pulling himself together he dashes at an irate Biff, who is more then happy to try and knock him into the stoneage with a clothesline! But Hell Mel ducks underneath the attack, and carries himself to the corner. As camera flashes litter the tightly packed venue, he escalates to the top turnbuckle and slings himself off with a beautiful flying back elbow! Yet Biff has enough sense and speed to sidestep the nose-diving grappler. As an unfortunate result Melvin hits the mat with a massive impact, music to the ears of those in the NRG camp. Mumbling him to himself like a crazed drunk, Atlas crawls over to Mel, and hooks his legs for a cover. MACKENZIE 1 MACKENZIE 2 Mel kicks out, pulling his shoulder high off the mat, eliciting a grand response from the capacity crowd. When both competitors reach their feet, Atlas flings a booming lariat directly at Melvin's handsome mug. Nerdly thankfully ducks it, leaving Shampoo to clumsily careen forward to the ropes. Sly Marvin is waiting for the musclebound superstar, who seems incapable of hitting the breaks before a grizzly fate befalls him. The Marv underhandedly yanks the ropes down, and Atlas' 287 pounds take a horrendous, but laughable, tumble to the outside mats! Mackenzie is left distraught, but there are about twenty drunk frat boys who are offering a shoulder (among other things) for her to cry on. The quick moving camera man gets an excellent shot of Biff's beet faced agony, as the not so clever crowd chants “Biff sucks” in the background. Meanwhile in the squared circle, NRG's leader Flex Phillips has reintroduced himself to the proceedings! Buzzlefoxer allows this illegal entry to go unchallenged, as the move that took Biff out of the ring wasn't exactly of the legal persuasion itself! KRISTA Poor Biff Atlas. With a name like that the only jobs he could ever get is bodybuilder, wrestler, or the lead role in Dorm Room BUTT Buddies. Trying make up for his earlier abysmal showing, Phillips takes a quick stride forward, wielding an elbow smash. Hell Mel intercepts the oncoming attack with a swift boot to the gut. Coughing and wheezing, Flex is left bent over, and is easy pickings for Mel's sunset flip! The fans' prepare to erupt with cheers for the pinfall, and Mackenzie even hops onto the ring apron to divert the ref. But Flex renders all those actions futile, solidly remaining on his feet despite the forceful tug on his aqua colored tights. Phillips looks down on a grounded Melvin like some kind of vengeful roided up antichrist. He gazes with bitterest gall on the character who's blood is about to adorn his enormous fist. Grinning with predatory glee, Flex drills a ferocious punch towards Mel's lovely face! Thankfully, Hell Mel slides through Flex's legs, and the meathead's hand smashes into the ring floor instead of into his nose! Flex recoils in tremendous pain, as Mackie shakes her head in blatant disgust at his incompetence. Back on his feet, Mel sneaks up behind the larger athlete, and pounds him with razor sharp forearms! The strikes leave bright welts on Phillips' coffee colored skin and double him over. Nerdly slides Flex's arm through his legs, and holds onto it, preventing any escape. He hooks Flex's other arm, putting him into a perilous pump handle position. Hell Mel then humiliates Flex in front of millions of viewers world wide by making like the Road Dogg and furiously pumping his crotch into Flex's firm buttox! After the sodomozation of Flex concludes, Mel lifts the embarrassed Phillips up and plants him on the mat with a marvelous pump handle slam! TERRY I for one can not believe the Sk8er Boiz have managed to out power NRG. I also can't believe I've made it this far without you two robbing me of my self respect and will to live. This is the best day of my life! While the crowd rocks the arena with chants of “SK8 OR DIE”, Melvin, bursting with pride, kips himself up. The bonafide hottie makes the day of millions of women by ripping off his form fitting shirt and exposing his gorgeous six-packed stomach to the salivating viewing audience. The orgasmic cheers for Mel's spicy flesh show are totally deafening. On the outside, Los Diablos have practically passed out from an overload of erotic ecstasy! ALIX (Standing on the sofa, drunkenly waving a five dollar bill the air) Awww yeah, baby! Mister Lincoln says your pants gotta go next! He emancipated the slaves, now he wants to emancipate your ass! Mel kisses his shirt and throws it into the stands, setting off a free for all as fans and Los Diablos fight for the clothing article that's sure to fetch a pretty penny on E-bay. As Mel turns his attention back towards the ring, he 360s in the air following a thunderous clothesline from the tree trunk-like right arm of Biff Atlas. Admist Marv's pandering to the crowd, Flex was able to roll to his corner undetected and tag out. Atlas scoops Mel up and Snake Eyes him on the top turnbuckle. Mel's head disturbingly snaps back as it violently collides with the turnbuckle pad. TERRY That may have done it right there, girls. Biff makes the cover. ONE... TWO... TH-- KICKOUT! Biff jogs to his corner with his hand outstretched. He continues to jog in pace, angrily punching himself in the head, as Flex takes a bite of the NRG apple cinnamon powerbar handled to him by Mackenzie DeCenzo before accepting the tag. Flex latches onto the top rope and swings into the ring, showing great agility for a man his size. Flex trots over to Mel and knocks the air out of the Boi with a double stomp. Phillips mischievously glances to his corner and says with a smile, "5 minutes of cardio," then proceeds to run in place on Mel's stomach! Needles to say, the spectators are most certainly opposed to this unique offensive move! ALIX (singing) He's a manic, manic...! TERRY It's like one of those outdoor woodsmen shows on ESPN. A logroll. It's been ages since I've seen a wrestler use a logroll. The last guy I remember using the move was Big Josh. KRISTA Didn't he become a professional clown for a short while? TERRY Yes he did. Much like the booing fans, The Marv has seen enough! A 5'8 ball of fire, he rushes to his bro's aid and levels Flex from behind with a forearm shiver. While the spectators chant Marv's name, Phillips shakily rises to a knee holding the back of his neck, rudely demanding that old Clem get Marv out of the ring. As the geriatric referee does so, NRG sneakily double up on defenseless Mel. They feverishly stomp the chest and six-pack abs of Mel's, bringing him up to his feet and firing a member of Teen People's Sexiest Tag Team to the ropes for a STANDING FLAPJACK! The females in the crowd and Los Diablos shriek in horror as Mel is shot some 8-10 feet in the air and lands hard on his stomach. Shouting a batch of unintelligible jibber-jabber, Biff jogs back to his corner and does jumping jacks on the apron as Flex covers Hell Mel. Referee Clem Buzzlefoxer goes down to count, but suddenly grasps his chest. The arena falls into an errie silence. Silent and heartfelt prayers for the man's safety are whispered by the god fearing. Clem then shakes his head and counts... TERRY Good ol' Clem cheated death yet again. Congrats, buddy. ONE... TWO... THR-- NO! "YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" TERRY Mackenzie DeCenzo screaming at Clem, saying the 5 seconds it took for him to realize he wasn't having a heart attack cost NRG from getting the 1-2-3. She may have a point there. KRISTA She has a couple of pointers, all right. But I just realized. If she and Flex ever got married, her name would be Mackenzie Phillips. ALIX I'm not as old as you-- I mean, I'm young and native, so I don't get it. KRISTA There's a lot of things you don't get, sweetie. One of them is great sex. But we'll take it "One Day At A Time." The 5'9 human tank, Biff “Shampoo” Atlas is tagged back in, and makes his presence felt, punishing Mel with repeated short-arm clotheslines before shoving him back and drilling him in the jaw with a BIG BOOT. Mel suffers a violent plummet to the mat, wondering if he's minus any pearly whites. Shampoo drops down on him with a cover. ONE... TWO... THREE-- NO! Thankfully Mel got the foot on the ropes just in the nick of time. Barking of an ensemble of unprintable obscenities, Atlas places Hell Mel in a standing headscissors, then lifts him up in the air for a Canadian Backbreaker, but the agile Nerdly twin rolls through and takes an alarmed Biff down with a sunset flip! CROWD ONE... CROWD TWO... THR-- Biff kicks out and levels Mel with a diving clothesline. Shampoo scrapes Mel's carcass off the canvas and rams him face-first into the top turnbuckle in NRG's corner, where a tag to Phillips follows. Flex RAWKS~! Mel with sharp right hands to the chest that threaten to tear away at Nerdly's fair skin. He roughly forces the Boi out of the corner and whips him across the ring. Mel comes back into a MILITARY PRESS SLAM...COUNTERED INTO A SMALL PACKAGE! CROWD ONE... CROWD TWO... THREE-- KICKOUT! “THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE!” scream the crowd, now wishing Clem had died of the heart attack! KRISTA Clem was definitely a little slow on the count. But having two straight encounters with the grim reaper tends to give a man pause. Mel's face is steeled by determination, he knows in his heart that he's this close to capturing victory. But he never gets an opportunity to act on that intuition because Flex belts him with a kick to the midsection as he attempts to stand. Phillips moves fast, trapping Melvin into a front facelock then dragging him up with a vertical suplex. But Mel thrills the Arizona crowd when he floats over and rolls up Phillips! CROWD ONE... CROWD TWO... KRISTA Flex kicks out! Two slow counts from Clem. Maybe he's forgotten what comes after two. It's happened to Alix before! As the crowd lustily disagrees with the count, Flex kicks Mel off to the ropes, where a bloodthirsty Biff Atlas waits impatiently on the apron. As Mel nears, Shampoo sticks his shoulder through the ropes, but showing the mark of a cagey veteran, Mel slides under the bottom rope and through Biff's legs. From outside he grabs Atlas' legs and pulls him down, causing Biff to smash his scrunched up face on the ring apron. While Biff howls in stinging pain, and Mackenzie berates him for his uselessness, Nerdly positions himself onto the apron. He ascends to the top rope, only to get caught with a POWERSLAM as he went for a springboard crossbody! ALIX Oh no! Come on Melvin! Or Marvin. I can't really tell them apart. Not at all sympathetic to Biff's plight, Flex gruffly summons him back into the ring. The two powerhouses planning their next move with nothing but eye contact. No words spoken. NRG pound Mel with hammering forearm shots to the back and then bench press him up in the air. TERRY They call this the NRG Burst. A double-team press slam into double gutbuster. They hit this and it's over. Biff and Flex drop Mel, who shocks them by somersaulting in mid-air and giving both members of NRG a HAPPY ENDING (Ace/Diamond Cutter)! "YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" TERRY Wow! KRISTA This has turned into quite the exciting match. ALIX I thought the only excitement I'd get out of this was seeing 4 ripped sweaty guys grappling with each other. KRISTA The homorotic undertones of this sport must make men uneasy. The voluminous bodies of Nutrition's Real Gurus are strewn across the canvas as poor Mackenize turns distraught over the depressing state of affairs. While Mel makes an arduous push to his station, she screams for her charges to stand up and fight. Yet her shrill orders do not move the men to action, and Hell Mel continues his trek uninterrupted. The hot tag isn't as dramatic as it normally is, but the fans don't care. They're overjoyed to see Mel bring in his partner! The Marv comes in like a cat on a hot tin roof. Phillips eats a solid right hand but recovers quickly to return the favor with a major league lariat! Yet Marv catches his fast moving an arm, and turns his momentum against him, cruelly dropping the buff grappler back across his outstretched knee! Marv then turns his violence focused attention towards Biff, who looks like a dear caught in headlights, and peppers him with a trio of right jabs. The curmudgeonly redneck tries to stagger away, but Marv's not letting him off that easy, nailing him with an inverted atomic drop! As Biff's blue eyes fill with salty tears, Marvin adds injury to insult, flogging him with a gorgeous flipping dropkick that flings his 257 pounds through the orange ropes and back to the outside. While the front row fans taunt his fallen comrade, Flex stuns Marv from behind with a knee to the lower back. Using his strapping strength he pushes Marv by the shoulders into the corner where he blisters him with a round of scathing right forearms. After he completes his ugly yet effective assault, the Floridian shoots him to the far turnbuckle and follows in, but The Marv runs up the turnbuckles and catches Phillips with a MOONSAULT PRESS! CROWD ONE... CROWD TWO... THRE-- KICKOUT! Both wrestlers rise upright, with Marvin moving a hare faster then his rival. As such he seizes control of the contest with flesh searing knife edge chops. Feeling Flex sufficiently weakened, he boots him in the stomach with a spinning back kick! As Marv sets up for the inverted Stunner he calls the G-Spot Jiggy, busty Mackenize leaps onto the apron distracting the referee. This well timed diversion allows a desperate Flex to KICK him in the GROIN. The females in attendance don't hold back in booing the disgraceful cheap shot. Over on the ring apron, Clem, who's once potent sex drive may have gone the way of the dodo, decides he still fancies the comforts of a foxy lady. Mackenzie is ready to step off the apron but can't as Clem insists he help her down by groping the young beauty! KRISTA What a sick and sad old name he is. TERRY Not as sick and sad as that ASSHOLE, Ned Blanchard! KRISTA Don't patronize me. As Clem and Mackenzie struggle with each other, Flex sends Marv to the ropes and takes him up for spinning sideslam known as the FLEX CAPACITATOR, but Marv counters it with a TILT-A-WHIRL HEADSCISSORS that sends Flex unwillingly running straight for Clem. Unable to see what's charging behind the groping referee, Mackenzie rudely shoves her sexual harasser to the side! Problematically she no longer has an eighty year old man to serve as her meat shield, and Flex runs full force into her voluptuous chest, launching the raven haired harlot clear off the apron! The impressive bump gets a mixed reaction to go up among the crowd. KRISTA The lesson here, ladies: Always let the pervy old men molest you. ALIX Works for me at family reunions! Like a giant redwood falling through a Northern Californian forest Flex timbers back with a resounding thud! He tries his damnedest to pick himself, but his immense strength fails him when he needs it the most. Matters go from bad to worse for Phillips as a top rope based Marv comes screaming off with an insanely high risk REVERSE DIVING HEADBUTT!! The exact nanosecond Marv's cranium crashes into Phillips' oiled up body the muscleman's face goes blank and his hopes of winning this first round Anderson Cup match go up in multicolored flames. The suffer of a terrible migraine, Marvin slowly drapes his arm over Flex's expansive upper body, and Clem hits the mat for the count. The fans are on the edge of their seats, praying to every higher power they know that this will be the decisive pinfall! CROWD ONE... CROWD TWO... CROWD THREE! * DING DING DING * "YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners: THE SK8TER BOIZ!!!!!! The camera immediately cuts to a shot of Mackenize, sunk to her knees, angrily beating her fist into the black ring mats, and damning the world for this cruel twist of fate! Meanwhile in the ring, the Boiz are in an understandably celebratory mood. High fives are exchanged, while the audience and Los Diablos continue to bleat their victorious name. As for the two in ring competitors of NRG, a hysterical Biff collects his dazed and confused associate, then storms up the ramp, ranting and raving like some kind of bum on a street corner. Mackenzie dejectedly follows behind, grumbling to herself, sounding only slightly less insane then Biff. KRISTA Wow! I feel like a proud parent. The Sk8er Boiz wrestled this entire contest with confidence. They weren't scared or worried like they used to be when they competed. Today, we saw that a little self confidence goes a long way in making your dreams come true. Congrats to Marvin and Melvin. This match was even better then that April Fools joke we played on you, Terry. ALIX And unlike the joke, this match didn't render you unable to father children! But look on the bright side, dude, no woman would have sex with you, anyway! Except for me. I'm easy like an easy bake oven. TERRY Well, there you have it fans. The Sk8er Boiz have beat NRG, that means they now go on to face ThunderKid and Reject. The winner of that match will pair off against the winner the Los Diablos and Heavenly Rockers bout. In the MWC conference The Sooner Bruisers will meet the undefeated Team Heyross. KRISTA And in the other MWC semi final matchup, The red hot cowboys the Lonestar Gunslingers will square off against Black T. TERRY The Slingers looked very impressive in their upset victory over Christian Wright and Bohemoth, but I don't see them getting past Black T. Girls, it's been a pleasure! This time I'm saying it because I mean it, and not because I'm afraid you'll beat me up. Thank you for being out here this Thursday night. ALIX AND KRISTA Our pleasure! Bye, Terry! (The two walk off, right as Caboose and Cole appear to reclaim their spots. Caboose is carrying a large diet peps and a foam Heavenly Rockers guitar. TERRY Hey! I'm kinda starting to really like it here guys. I just may stay here with you. What do you say to that, Boo-Boo? (Caboose sets down his Diet Coke and picks up his baseball bat. That's all the motivation Taylor needs to haul ass. Sadly he fails to realize that COD taped a “THROW THINGS AT ME!” sign to his back before they left, and is pelted by debris from the crowd as he makes his way backstage.) COLE Caboose, shouldn't we untie Coach? CABOOSE Man, Terry Taylor really messed up my BUTT groove. Coach? What's the rush? He's just going try and sniff where Alix and Krista were sitting. COLE Zack faces the NNMX in three. Commercial break Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 27, 2006 When "Chase" hits, the boos begin, as the challengers for the World Tag Team Titles this Sunday are on their way to the ring for a chance to physically weaken one of their opponents come Anglepalooza. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a handicap match, scheduled for one fall. On their way to the ring at this time, accompanied by the Manager of Champions, Mr. James E. Cornette, they are "Sarcastic" Simon Singleton and "Narcississtic" Ned Blanchard, the New, NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS! The duo, who honor the namesake of Cornette's most famed charges, enter the ring and pose gleefully for the fans, despite the fact that none of them are impressed with the NNMX. Cornette applauds his boys, but he's the only one doing so, although the real applause starts as soon as the next song hits. "Getting Away With Murder" kicks in, and the place goes BANANA~!, as it marks the entrance of the OAOAST's most popular star, and a man who has his back against the wall come Sunday. BUFFER Their opponent, he is one half of the reigning OAOAST World Tag Team Champions, he is ZAAAAAAAAACK MALIBU!" Zack flies down the aisle like he's been shot out of a cannon, diving under the bottom rope and into the ring towards his enemies! Ned and Simon pounce on Zack like a fat kid does to cupcakes, and start hammering the superstar down...but Zack starts swinging and mounts a comeback, nailing both members of the NNMX with punches! A right hand for Simon, and another right for Ned finishes off the flurry, as Zack hits the ropes and drills them both with a thunderous double clothesline! Simon is Zack's first target after the blow, as he's pulled up and whipped hard to one corner, while Zack then does the same to Ned! Standing mid-ring, Malibu charges towards Simon's corner and leaps into the air, crashing down on him with a diving corner splash that crushes him! Malibu turns around, and an irate Ned barges out of his corner, but Zack runs right towards him and BLASTS him with a running Yakuza kick, drawing a king-sized roar from the capacity crowd! "Get out of the ring! C'mon, get out!" screams Jim Cornette at ringside, directing traffic for his boys, who are already aching. COLE I think the New, New Midnight Express are kicking themselves for thinking that Zack would be such a pushoH MY GOD! Malibu, seeing the group huddled at ringside, shows no mercy by not giving them time to recover and strategize with their manager, as he hits the ropes and then leaps into the air, clearing all three strands of rope and diving onto both the Express AND Cornette with a beautiful hangtime plancha! CABOOSE Did you see that!? If he were any higher, he'd show up on radar! COACH The only person high around here is you, for thinking that something like that makes a difference. Go ahead, let Zack wear himself out. Then he'll NEVER survive the Rumble, and he won't walk out of the show with his tag belt Sunday night! CABOOSE Are you a betting man, Coach? COACH Haha, YOU wanna put money on that? CABOOSE No, I wanna bet that you don't make it out of the pay per view without at least one black eye. After getting up, Zack immediately resumes his assault, pulling the two of the three people he just used as a crash pad up to their feet, and puts them both back in the ring. The third person, Cornette, is holding his head as he tries to get up, and when he turns around and bumps into Malibu, he falls over himself, landing on his ass as he scurries away from the pissed off prep! Zack simply glares at the annoying manager, then hops up on the apron and launches himself airborne once again, springboaring into the ring...and right into a double kick to the gut from the Express! Simon and Ned then follow up with a thunderous double suplex, and with Zack down, Ned hits the ropes and comes off with an elbowdrop...then as soon as he connects Simon hits the ropes and does the same! Ned does it a second time, as does Simon, and after a total of four hard elbows, Simon hooks a leg and keeps Malibu pressed to the mat for a pin! ONE! T-NO! Referee Earl Hebner gets to his feet and stops counting, as Malibu got a shoulder up by the count of two, nevermind three! Hebner orders Ned out of the ring, and Blanchard goes without much hassle, as Simon has things under control. He stomps Zack several times, then pulls him up and snapmares him over, then snaps his head back on the canvas, and delivers a standing legdrop! Simon then slides his other leg under the head of Zack, and now he's got him trapped in a headscissors, using his leg strength to block the air passage and put Zack to sleep! CABOOSE Good thinking on Simon's part, keeping Zack grouned and trying to prevent him from staying on the attack, because he knows that Zack's mood is what is motivating him lately. Zack wiggles around and kicks for the ropes, but can't make them in order to get the ref to call for a break. He manages to roll to his knees, with Simon's legs still wrapped around his head, and so he powers up, bringing Simon up with him...but Simon quickly pulls Zack over with a rana, and pulls his legs forward to trap him in a pin! ONE! T-NO! Zack kicks out, but Simon rolls to his feet and grabs Zack in a side headlock as the popular prep comes up, only to be fired to the ropes! A shoulderblock collision results in Malibu getting sent back to the mat, but when Simon hits the ropes again Malibu springs up to his feet and rocks him with an inverted atomic drop, then hits the ropes and floors him with a spinning wheel kick! Ned Blanchard runs in to save his partner, but Malibu catches him with an inverted atomic drop as well, then clotheslines him out to the floor to dispose of him! Zack turns around and is met with a cheapshot from a recovering Simon, but he ducks it and goes around, locking on a rear waistlock and then hoisting Simon up and over with a German suplex! Zack hangs on and rolls through, hitting a second one, and then a THIRD one, while Cornette screams at Ned to get back in their and save Simon! Singleton is rocked with a FOURTH German suplex before the lover of all ladies rushes back into the ring to save his partner, but by the time he does, Simon is able to counter Zack and go behind...but as he lifts Zack for his own German, Malibu kicks off the chest of the charging loverboy and uses the momentum to float over the back of Simon Singleton and hit a fifth German suplex, this time keeping him down and bridging out for the pin! ONE! TWO-NO! Ned Blanchard kicks Malibu low to break the pin! COLE It could have been over like *that* had Ned Blanchard not been in the right place at the right time! COACH That's why these two deserve those tag belts more than Zack and Leon Rodez...the New New Midnight Express are a well oiled machine. Brains, brawn, technique, aerial ability, the ladies love Ned... CABOOSE I think there are at least two women backstage who would kindly dispute that fact. COACH Are you kidding me? Alix is so flaky she might as well wear a Kellogg's logo on her ass, and we all know that Krista goes to her dentist for a haircut, if you know what I mean. In the ring, Ned pulls Zack up and rocks him with a forearm, keeping him at bay while Simon gets up. Singleton comes up holding his head, but he stuns Zack with a shot while Ned keeps him held back, and then the NNMX send Zack to the ropes, catching him on the rebound with a double back elbow! Ned then spins around and delivers a roundhouse kick across the stomach, doubling Zack over, and Simon hits the ropes and uses a swinging neckbreaker to snap Zack to the canvas by his head! Ned then follows this up with a kneedrop, and then he keeps the knee pinned across the throat of Zack Malibu, trying to choke him out despite Hebner's protests to get up! Just to show what a nice guy he is, Ned comes up and brings Zack up with him, then nails a chop across Zack's chest! Malibu reels, but then fires back one of his own that sends Ned backing up and cringing...and then Zack just steams forwards and flattens Ned with an STO, and then starts punching away at him on the ground! COLE Look at Zack go! CABOOSE He's got to watch it though, the more he pushes Hebner's buttons, the more he risks getting disqualified! Ol' Earl asks Zack to stop, but the plea falls on deaf ears, and when the famed referee goes to stop Malibu himself, Zack bursts up and knocks his hands away! Earl issues a warning to Zack not to go overboard, but Zack simply pulls Ned up and takes him to the corner, where he allows the turnbuckle pad to meet his face! Zack turns Ned around and keeps him trapped, then fires off two more chops before sending Ned across the ring...NO! Blanchard counters in mid-whip and sends Zack in instead, then charges in...right into a boot...NO! Ned catches Zack's foot and throws it down, then delivers a kick to the gut and pulls Zack out of the cornre in a facelock, and rocks him with a snap suplex! He then goes and tags in Singleton, who quickly runs up the ropes and then enters the ring by jumping off the top rope with elbowsmash to Zack Malibu! ONE! TWO! NO! Cornette pounds the apron and screams at Hebner about the count, but his boys remain in control, so he really doesn't have too much to worry about, as Simon brings Zack up and then staggers him with a kneelift! Singleton then takes Zack's arm and wrenches it before driving an elbow into his shoulder, and then locks a side headlock on a weakened Zack and wrenches his head...but only momentarily as Zack slips out and then grabs Singleton in a full nelson, then pulls him over and drops him on the back of his head with a release Dragon Suplex! COLE Singleton nearly landed on the top of his head on that move! Seeing his partner in trouble, Ned rushes in as Cornette urges him on, but he runs right into Zack, who throws his arm out and catches him, lifting him off his feet and plants him with a Rock Bottom Backbreaker! Blanchard moans in pain as he favors his back and struggles to his feet...AND GETS BLASTED WITH A SCHOOL'S OUT THAT SENDS HIM THROUGH THE ROPES AND TO THE FLOOR~! CABOOSE Well, he's gotten rid of one of them! Cornette throws his hands over his head, and is freaked, because now it's just one on one! Zack takes Simon to the corner and perches him up on the top rope, no doubt setting him up for the HONOR ROLL~!...but Cornette uses the timeless art of distraction, and hops up on the apron, shouting to Hebner and keeping him busy! COLE C'mon Earl, you're smarter than this! Zack, seeing Cornette playing games, comes over and yanks the Prince of Polyester over the ropes and into the ring, sending his trademark tennis racket flying! Incensed, Malibu brings Cornette up by his collar and holds him there, cocking his fist and raising it for everyone to see, and they all respond with a cheer, hoping to see Jim Cornette get poppped! However, Malibu lets him go and lowers his fist, rethinking his actions as the crowd starts to boo... ...AND THEN JIM CORNETTE GETS LAID OUT WITH SCHOOL'S OUT~! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The arena explodes, and when Zack turns back to Simon, the aerial master of the NNMX is standing up on the top rope, and leaps over Zack's head, back down to the mat! He lands near his manager's racket and picks it up, taking a wild swing that Zack ducks...but a well placed low kick stuns Simon and allows Zack to swipe the racket from him, and deliver a hard shot with it that knocks Simon out cold...AND CAUSES HEBNER TO CALL FOR THE BELL! DING! DING! DING! COACH Oh PLEASE tell me this means what I think it means! Hebner is red-faced with anger, shouting at Zack for use of the racket. Malibu protests, saying that Simon tried to use it first and it was self-defense, but Hebner will have none of it, and drops to one knee to raise the limp arm of the knocked out Simon Singleton! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners, by virtue of a disqualification...the NEW, NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS! The crowd is not happy, and neither is Zack Malibu, who throws the racket down in disgust. Malibu stands in the ring and looks out to the crowd, while Hebner tries to assemble the groggy, yet victorious NNMX. COLE This is unfortunate for Zack, as the NNMX knew full well that his emotions are not in check. Having that racket brought into that ring they just knew it would come into play one way or another. I smell a set up! COACH Oh you and your conspiracies. The truth of the matter is that Zack Malibu is unstable, and it's that fragile mind of his that's going to cost him his World Tag Team Title! Not to mention that Axel has already pretty much guaranteed that he won't be winning this years Rumble and going on to Anglemania! CABOOSE Yes, how convienient. "Chase" starts up, but the NNMX and Cornette might not even be able to hear it, as all of them are bewildered by the fact that their hands are being raised. The trio staggers to the back looking for hot showers and aspirin, while the former World Champion runs his hand over his head, still in disbelief that he just cost himself a victory, as we fade out. AnglePalooza Control Center segment Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 27, 2006 MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest, our main event of the evening, is the 5-on-5 Survivor Series Elimination Match! DEEP, SLOW VOICED MAN LIGHTNING CREW! Smoke fills the entryway, as the opening to “No Chance In Hell” begins playing. After a few seconds, the crescendo hits, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, and “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing while The Lightning Crew entrance video plays on the AngleTron. *No chance (No chance) That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are...PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* The entrance doors slide open, and through the smoke come The Lightning Crew: Vitamin X, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, and “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican. The crowd boos get louder. PR looks at the crowd in disgust. He is holding his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt over his left shoulder. He spins the belt plate. Vitamin X does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. Mr. Boricua looks at the crowd with a sneer on his face and grunts while cracking his knuckles. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez smirks at the crowd. Cuban Wall looks at the crowd and pumps his right fist in the air. PR looks at his Lightning Crew, and orders them to follow him down the entrance ramp, as “No Chance In Hell” continues playing. *But will find their place in line (In line) But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz Cuz it’s a matter of time! Cuz, you’ve got…NO CHANCE! (You’ve got no chance) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah, yeah, yeah) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Got no chance) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah!) NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!* BUFFER Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time. At a total combined weight of 1,235 lbs. Vitamin X, Cuban Wall, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, Mr. Boricua, AND the team captain, the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion, “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican…THE LIGHTNINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG CRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! The crowd boos loudly as The LC continues walking to the ring. Vitamin X bobs his head to The Lightning Crew entrance song. Mr. Boricua yells at the fans. Lindsay has an evil smile on her face. Cuban Wall walks to the ring with a serious look on his face, his eyes focused solely on the ring. COLE What a jam-packed match we have coming up on HeldDOWN~! The Lightning Crew has challenged Colombian Heat and his crew to a Survivor Series style elimination match just 3 days away from Anglepalooza! COACH 6 of the men involved in tonight’s match will also be competing at Anglepalooza. Tha Puerto Rican will defend the 24/7 Title against Colombian Heat, plus Cuban Wall and Vitamin X, Brains & Brawn, will take on Spanish Fly and John “Rock Hard” Brickston in a Tag Team Tables Match. Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron, and sneers at the crowd. Vitamin X jaws with the fans, and then hops onto a turnbuckle, and crosses his arms in an X. Mr. Boricua yells at the fans, and then climbs over the top rope into the ring. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez holds the ropes for PRL to enter the ring, and then follows him. Cuban Wall shadowboxes a bit, and then enters the ring. Vitamin X hops off the turnbuckle and into the ring. PR spins around, soaking in the fans jeers and then does the HBK-muscle pose, but pyro doesn’t go off behind him. CABOOSE Tha Puerto Rican, at Anglepalooza, will destroy and embarrass Colombian Heat. But tonight, on HeldDOWN~!, PRL is going to destroy and embarrass not only Heat, but Spanish Fly, John Brickston, Ayane Mitsui, and Otaku II! COLE PRL has had problems with all 5 of the athletes he’s facing tonight, and those 5 decided to band together in a team led by Colombian Heat. COACH Colombian Heat calls his team “Da Dawgs”. CABOOSE Da Dawgs? That’s his name for his team? What a stupid, horrible name. Atleast name them The Ruff Ryders, or D12, or The Wu-Tang Clan or whatever other stupid rap group he listens to. The Lightning Crew all stand in the center of the ring, united as one. They glance at each other, and then do The Lightning Crew Salute while pyro goes off behind them. The crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” PRL heads to the second rope and raises his custom-made spinner 24/7 Championship belt over his head. He then heads to another turnbuckle and raises the belt over his head again. PR hits a third turnbuckle, and raises the belt with his right arm and “smells the electricity” a’la The Rock. PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth turnbuckle receiving boos. Vitamin X does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle in the ring again. Mr. Boricua poses on a turnbuckle, and then heads to the outside to yell at the fans. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez dances to “No Chance In Hell”. Cuban Wall raises his arms on top of the turnbuckle, then gets off the turnbuckle and shadowboxes again. He jaws with the fans. COLE We like to remind you all that Chef Boyardee presents OAOAST Anglepalooza! Sunday, January 29th, live only on pay-per-view! COACH Anglepalooza is certainly going to be a big night for Tha Puerto Rican! Not only is he defending the 24/7 Title against Colombian Heat. But he is also going to be in the 30-man Lethal Rumble Match for a shot at the OAOAST World Championship at AngleMania V. CABOOSE Anglepalooza is going to be a good night for Tha Puerto Rican. He will vanquish his most hated foe, AND become #1 contender to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title on the same night! PR gets off the turnbuckle, and removes his sunglasses, earring, and HBK-like entrance attire. He chats with his fellow Lightning Crew members (except Mr. Boricua who is still on the outside), while the lights go back on in the arena. CABOOSE What a team! The Lightning Crew is going to be victorious tonight! COACH How can you be so sure? CABOOSE Because The Lightning Crew has all the tools to beat Heat’s team. Speed, technical ability, agility, sex appeal, not to mention one of the greatest minds in professional wrestling, Tha Puerto Rican at the helm! COLE Does Tha Puerto Rican pay you to sing his praises every single week? CABOOSE No, no one controls my mind, thank you very much. The LC high five each other. PRL kisses his spinner 24/7 Title belt and then hands it over to referee Earl Hebner, who then hands it over to a ring attendant. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds dies down. *Give me fuel Give me fire Give me that which I desire!* “Fuel” by Metallica starts playing. The crowd stands up and cheers loudly. After a few seconds, the entrance doors slide open, and John “Rock Hard” Brickston comes out to a loud pop. Brickston plays to the crowd, pointing to both sides of the entrance stage. He gets the crowd pumped up, and then walks down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. BUFFER And now introducing, their opponents. First, coming to the ring at this time. Standing 6-foot-6 and weighing in at 215 lbs. From Sacramento, California. JOHN “ROCK HARD” BRICKSTTOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!! COLE At 6’6”, John Brickston is the biggest man for Colombian Heat’s team. He’s going to have the size advantage over everyone on PRL’s team, EXCEPT Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua! CABOOSE That big oaf doesn’t have the ability of Mr. Boricua OR Cuban Wall. Okay, he maybe as *dumb* as Mr. Boricua, but that’s it. John Brickston enters the ring, causing the rest of The Lightning Crew to join Mr. Boricua at ringside. John lets out a mighty roar. “Rock Hard” raises his arms in the air, popping the crowd. COLE Look at the respect The Lightning Crew have for John Brickston! COACH Or they could be just scared of him. CABOOSE Oh, that’s just nonsense. Brickston gets on the second turnbuckle and points to the crowd, firing them up, a smile on his face. He gets off the second turnbuckle and looks at The Lightning Crew. The Lightning Crew glares angrily at him. COLE He’s a former OAOAST Italian Champion; John “Rock Hard” Brickston is looking to hurt the man who took away that title from him, Tha Puerto Rican, last year at The Great Angle Bash. CABOOSE Is he still bitter about that? That was 6 months ago, man! Move on! Tha Puerto Rican did! Brickston stands in the ring, as “Fuel” by Metallica dies down. “Ashburn” by Hikari starts playing. Sky blue lights around the arena turn on and off. The entrance doors slide open, and Otaku II and Ayane Mitsui come out to a loud pop from the crowd just as the singer finishes the first verse. The couple wave to the crowd with smiles on their faces, and then jog down the entrance ramp, high fiving fans as they go. BUFFER Coming to the ring at this time. First, originally from Tokyo, Japan, but now residing in Boston, Massachusetts. Weighing in at 110 lbs. AYANE MITSUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!! And, from Boston, Massachusetts. Weighing in at 215 lbs. He is the leader of Mad Machine. OTAKUUUUUUUUUUUUU TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Otaku II and Ayane Mitsui continue jogging down the ramp, high fiving fans along the way while “Ashburn” continues playing. CABOOSE I don’t know what’s worst: that Otaku II thinks he is a better wrestler than Tha Puerto Rican, or that he thinks that Ayane Mitsui is much more attractive than Lindsay Gonzalez. COLE Well, I happen to think that BOTH women are attractive! CABOOSE Since when do you find women attractive? Otaku and Ayane enter the ring. Otaku gets on the ring ropes and pumps his right fist in the air. Otaku then gets on the second turnbuckle and raises his arms in the air to a pop. He gets off the second turnbuckle. Ayane waves to the crowd, and then takes off her sneakers. COLE The husband and wife team of Otaku II and Ayane Mitsui have had their run-ins with The Lightning Crew. Ayane feuded with Lindsay from June to August of last year. Tha Puerto Rican defeated Otaku at AngleSlam to retain the 24/7 Title. And PRL and Lindsay together defeated Otaku and Ayane in an Intergender Tag Team Match last July at License To Pin. CABOOSE Notice something with what you just said? The Lightning Crew came out on top in every match they had with Otaku and Ayane! COLE Well, not really. Ayane defeated Lindsay at AngleSlam. And we all know that Otaku defeated Vitamin X at World Without End AND Climax in that No Disqualification Match. CABOOSE But still, the point still stands. The Lightning Crew HAS beaten Otaku II and Ayane Mitsui and they’ll do it again tonight! Otaku II and Ayane Mitsui discuss strageaty with John Brickston. They high five each other. “Ashburn” by Hikari dies down as the lights go back on in the arena. But then they go down again. Two spotlights shine on the entrance. After five seconds, Spanish Fly shoots out from underneath the entrance stage with pyro right behind him. Spanish Fly raises his right arm in the air causing the crowd to cheer. “Krokodilamadurinn” by Quarashi begins playing as Spanish Fly points to both sides of the entrance stage and then walks down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. BUFFER And now coming to the ring. Originally from Tijuana, Mexico, but now residing in San Diego, California. Weighing in at 175 lbs. He is a member of Mad Machine. SPANISH FLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! CABOOSE Why would anyone, and I mean, ANYONE want Spanish Fly to be on their team? Tell me why? COLE Because he has guts. Because he has courage. And because he can surprise you. Remember 3 weeks ago on HeldDOWN~!, when Spanish Fly defeated Tha Puerto Rican to keep his mask and ban The Lightning Crew from ringside during The PR-Colombian Heat match at Anglepalooza. CABOOSE Ugh. Don’t remind me. That was just terrible. COACH I thought it was a great match! CABOOSE It was terrible because Tha Puerto Rican lost. And he lost to Spanish Fly of all people! Maybe if he lost to John Brickston I could understand. But that freaking Oompah Loompah? Ugh! COLE Well Oompah Loompah Doopity Doo! It’s thanks to Spanish Fly that Colombian Heat will only have to deal with Vitamin X and Tha Puerto Rican at Anglepalooza as per the little revised contract of the 24/7 Title match. CABOOSE Did you just say Oompah Loompah Doopity Doo? You are such a tool. Spanish Fly enters the ring and gets on a second turnbuckle, raising his arms in the air to cheers. Spanish Fly gets off the turnbuckle, and gets on another second turnbuckle, raising his arms in the air receiving another pop from the crowd. Fly gets off the turnbuckle and goes over to his teammates to chat as “Krokodilamadurinn” continues playing. COLE This Sunday at Anglepalooza, Spanish Fly teams up with John Brickston to take on Brains & Brawn in a Tag Team Tables Match. You can bet that Fly wants a piece of Vitamin X and Cuban Wall before Sunday. CABOOSE Which goes to show you that Spanish Fly has more guts than brains. COACH Heh, you maybe right about that. Spanish Fly looks to the entryway as the lights go back on in the arena. “Krokodilamadurinn” by Quarashi dies down. Fly looks at The Lightning Crew, who all stare at him angrily. COLE There’s only one more entrance left. COACH And it’s the team captain! CABOOSE I hate Colombian Heat. A piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. *COME ON!* *BOOM~!!!!!!!* Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing. The crowd cheers as the entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat comes out. Heat raises his arms, acknowledging the fans. He points to both sides of the entrance stage, and then walks down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way, a smirk on his face. BUFFER And the team captain. Originally from Bogotá, Colombia, but now residing in Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 180 lbs. COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!! COLE Remember that one team must eliminate EVERY member of the opposing team to win this match. All members of one team, all five, have got to be defeated in order for a winner to be declared. CABOOSE So what you saying? You saying that Colombian Heat’s team is unbeatable? Are you trying to put it in the heads of the fans that Colombian Heat can’t be beat? Is that what you’re trying to say? COLE I didn’t say any of that! Quit putting words in my mouth! CABOOSE Well, that’s the ONLY thing I’ll ever put in your mouth! COACH Game. Set. Match. Heat hops into the ring. He gets on the ring ropes and does the “WESTSIIIIIIIIDE” hand signal to cheers. Colombian Heat gets on the second turnbuckle and throws up the “W” again to more cheers as “Gasolina (Remix)” continues playing. While this is going on, The Lightning Crew are sneaking into the ring. COLE Fans get ready, because we are about to see what is sure to be one hell of a match. There will be no commercial breaks during this match. We will stay with it match until it ends. You will see every elimination that happens! COACH Hey look! The Lightning Crew are back in the ring! Colombian Heat gets off the turnbuckle, presumably to grab a microphone to do his opening spiel, but Tha Puerto Rican attacks him as soon as he gets off the turnbuckle! COLE Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat! The two men who will meet for the 24/7 Title this Sunday not wasting any time! Referee Earl Hebner calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* PRL and Colombian Heat are still slugging it out as their teams go to their corners. PRL actually gains the advantage (!) taking Colombian Heat over to a neutral corner. Puerto nails his former best friend with several knife-edged chops to the chest. He’s about to go for another chop, but Heat ducks, and attacks PRL! COLE Right now, Colombian Heat is in control! Heat nails PR with a combination of punches and chops. He then goes martial arts on him, hitting Puerto with martial arts kicks all over his body. Heat finishes with a jumping back kick to PRL’s jaw! PR slumps down on the mat. Heat runs over to the opposite turnbuckle, causing the crowd to cheer. Colombian Heat does the low-rider hand gesture, and then charges forward, giving PRL the Broncobuster! COLE Broncobuster! Broncobuster! Broncobuster! CABOOSE Why are you so excited to see that move? PRL wipes his face, disgusted that he just had Colombian Heat’s nuts jammed into his face repeatedly. But Heat doesn’t give him much time to recover, picking him up and whipping him into the ropes. However, The Corporate Champ reverses. Colombian Heat bounces off the ropes, PRL leapfrogs over him. Heat bounces off the opposite ropes, so PRL does a reverse leapfrog over him. Heat bounces off the ropes again, so Puerto arm-drags Heat to the mat. Heat gets right back up, but Puerto Rican dropkicks back down! CABOOSE Good job, PRL! Keep going don’t let go! Attack! Attack! Strike first! No mercy! Tha Puerto Rican does some shaky leg kicks on Colombian Heat. The crowd chants, “HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT!” Puerto does some Ted DiBiase style fistdrops onto Colombian Heat’s forehead. PRL taunts Colombian Heat’s team, and then bounces off the ropes, shakes his shoulders, dusts his right shoulder off, and then drops another fist onto Heat’s forehead. The Five-Knuckle Shuffle! Puerto covers Heat. 1… 2… KICK OUT!!! PRL scratches Colombian Heat’s eyes as he gets up. PRL beats on him while Heat gets up. He hits Heat with Rock-style punches to the temple, and then whips him into the ropes. PR goes for a clothesline, but Colombian Heat ducks, and punches PRL in the face! He does it again! And again! Colombian Heat DANCES~! And then punches PRL again, knocking him down! COLE Shake, Rattle, & Roll from Colombian Heat! CH bounces off the ropes, does a SHIMMY~! And then does a kneedrop on PRL! Colombian Heat covers PR. 1… Vitamin X jumps into the ring and hits Colombian Heat in the back of the head, breaking up the count! COLE And Vitamin X getting’ jiggy wit it. Vitamin X beats on Colombian Heat, forcing him to stay down while Tha Puerto Rican gets up. Earl Hebner forces VX to go back to his corner. Meanwhile, Tha Puerto Rican kicks Colombian Heat, and then tags in Cuban Wall. Puerto holds Colombian Heat up, so that Cuban Wall can kick him in the gut. The crowd boos as Cuban Wall kicks Colombian Heat several times all over his body. “LET’S GO HEAT! LET’S GO HEAT! LET’S GO HEAT! LET’S GO HEAT!” Cuban Wall chokes Heat on the ropes, until Earl Hebner tells him to break it up at the count of 4. Wall Irish whips Colombian Heat into the ropes. Wall goes for a big boot, but Heat ducks underneath the boot, and then bounces off the ropes, leaping up to give Cuban Wall a leg lariat! CABOOSE Oh no! Colombian Heat covers Cuban Wall! 1… 2… Vitamin X enters the ring again to break up the count! COLE And Vitamin X stops the count again for his team! COACH Vitamin X makes sure that Cuban Wall wasn’t going to be eliminated. CABOOSE Like he was going to be eliminated from a leg lariat from Colombian Heat. Please. VX heads back to his corner before Earl Hebner forces him too. Meanwhile, Colombian Heat grabs Cuban Wall and takes him over to his corner. Otaku II puts his right foot out, so Heat can slam Wall’s head against it. Heat makes the tag to Spanish Fly. Cuban Wall is groggy, so Spanish Fly gives him some forearm shots to the head, taking him to the ropes. Spanish Fly chops Cuban Wall’s chest. *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE The 4’11” Spanish Fly is giving chops to the 6’7” Cuban Wall! CABOOSE Oy. Spanish Fly Irish whips Cuban Wall into the ropes. Fly puts his head down, so Cuban Wall stops in his tracks and kicks Spanish Fly in the face. He charges forward, but Spanish Fly catches him with a spinning wheel kick knocking him down! Spanish Fly then heads to the ropes and does a front dropkick to the face of Cuban Wall! COLE Spanish Fly is in control of Cuban Wall! Can you believe it? CW has had enough, and tags in Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez to take over. COLE Now PRL’s girlfriend, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is in the match! Let’s not forget that 5 weeks ago on HeldDOWN~!, she pinned Colombian Heat! The crowd starts cheering, since Lindsay’s hot and all. Lindsay has a smirk on her face as she enters the ring. Lindsay and Fly circle each other. They lock up. The Lightning Crew cheers Lindsay on. Spanish Fly gets a headlock on Lindsay. Lindsay escapes and whips Fly into the ropes. However, Fly bounces off the ropes and gives Lindsay a shoulderblock, knocking her down. Spanish Fly picks up Lindsay and whips her into the ropes. However, Lindsay reverses, and fires with a Kawada Kick to Spanish Fly’s face! Lindsay smiles at PRL, and then picks up Fly. She whips Fly into the ropes. Fly comes back with a spinning wheel kick knocking Lindsay to the mat! CABOOSE Why is Spanish Fly being so vicious to Lindsay? He could ruin her beautiful face! COLE Well Lindsay WANTED to be in the match even though she knew there was only one other woman in it. CABOOSE Doesn’t matter. Spanish Fly is harming sweet, innocent Lindsay! Spanish Fly does a standing moonsault onto Lindsay. Fly picks up Lindsay and knees her in the face. He then picks her up and punches her in the face. Lindsay punches Fly in the face. Fly punches Lindsay in the face again. Lindsay punches Fly in the face again. The two of them engage in a slugfest won by Spanish Fly. Fly chops Lindsay across her ample chest. He then does it again. And a third time for good luck. Spanish Fly Irish whips Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez into the ropes. Spanish Fly goes for a clothesline, but Lindsay ducks, and gives Spanish Fly the Edge-O-Matic! She then does a corkscrew legdrop onto Spanish Fly! CABOOSE Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is showing us that she is not just a piece of eye candy. She is also an accomplished WRESTLER and has been since she joined up with Tha Puerto Rican three years ago this March. COLE Aww, isn’t that sweet. Lindsay does some elbowdrops on Spanish Fly, while the crowd chants “SLUT! SLUT! SLUT! SLUT!” at her. She covers Fly. And gets a two count. Lindsay picks up Spanish Fly and takes him over to a neutral corner. Gonzalez punches Fly in the face several times. She whips him into the opposite turnbuckle—NO—Spanish Fly reverses, and then charges after Lindsay. However, before Spanish Fly can attack her, Lindsay leaps up, causing Spanish Fly to crash into the turnbuckle sternum first. Lindsay then runs forward, jumping up and grabbing Fly with her legs. COLE She could be going for the Lindsay-Canrana! However, Spanish Fly holds on, and lifts Lindsay up by her pink short shorts, before slamming her down to the earth with a powerbomb! COACH Spanish Fly just gave Lindsay Gonzalez a powerbomb! CABOOSE You monster! How can you do such a thing? COLE Spanish Fly covers Lindsay! ONE! TWO! VITAMIN X ENTERS THE RING AND HITS SPANISH FLY IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! COLE And Vitamin X AGAIN enters the ring to stop the count! CABOOSE Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. He’s just doing what he can to make sure The Lightning Crew wins. VX runs back to his corner, knowing that he’s pissed off Colombian Heat and his team. COLE That’s the third or fourth time Vitamin X has entered the ring to stop the count! Colombian Heat tries to enter the ring to attack X, but Earl Hebner holds him back. While this is going on, Lindsay crawls over to The Lightning Crew corner and tags in Cuban Wall. Meanwhile, Spanish Fly rolls over to his corner and tags in Ayane Mitsui. Cuban Wall has a smirk on his face as he stares Ayane down. CABOOSE Big mistake. COLE Ayane is tagged in, but she is going to have to go up against Cuban Wall. CABOOSE This is going to be good. Cuban Wall cracks his knuckles. Suddenly, Mr. Boricua slaps Cuban Wall in the back, resulting in another tag. The crowd groans. COLE No, wait! Now Ayane is going to have to face an even BIGGER opponent in Mr. Boricua! CABOOSE Okay. THIS is going to be good. Mr. Boricua yells at Ayane, but she shows no fear. Mr. Boricua and Ayane circle each other. They lock up, and Ayane gets pushed into a neutral corner. Mr. Boricua punches her in the face again and again, causing the crowd to boo. Ayane tries to fight back with punches of her own, but the 6’9 300 pound bodyguard of Tha Puerto Rican overpowers her. Boricua grabs Mitsui and whips her into the ropes. Mr. B puts his head down, so Ayane kicks him in the face! Ayane bounces off the ropes, and then hits Mr. Boricua with a martial arts kick to the face! Mr. Boricua doesn’t go down. Ayane bounces off the ropes again, and hits Boricua with another martial arts kick to the face. Mr. Boricua still doesn’t go down. Ayane Mitsui unleashes a flurry of punches and kicks to Mr. Boricua, trying to take him down. COLE Ayane Mitsui is doing all she can to bring Mr. Boricua to the mat! CABOOSE That’s going to be a lost cause. Trust me. Ayane bounces off the ropes, but Mr. Boricua takes her head off with a MASSIVE clothesline! COLE Good move by Mr. Boricua! CABOOSE Yeah! Way to go, Mr. B! Vitamin X taunts Ayane as she lies on the mat. Mr. Boricua does a legdrop on Ayane. The crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” Boricua picks up Ayane and lifts her up in a double chokehold. He throws her into a turnbuckle. Ayane stumbles out from the turnbuckle, so Mr. Boricua grabs her and whips her into the ropes. Boricua puts his head down again. This time, Ayane sunset flips over Mr. Boricua! Mr. Boricua almost falls, but still stands. But then he does fall to a big pop! COLE Ayane got him! She has him pinned! 1… VITAMIN X HITS AYANE IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! Vitamin X hits Ayane in the back of the head again, and then runs out of the ring! The crowd boos, becoming very annoyed with Vitamin X. COLE Vitamin X is making his presence felt again! He’s like a boil that on the ass of the OAOAST! CABOOSE Vitamin X is making sure that his team comes out on top. That’s all he’s doing and how dare you say he’s a boil on the ass of the OAOAST! COLE The man has interrupted the count everytime a member of The LC is covered. He’s more of a pest at ringside than an actual competitor! CABOOSE The X-Man will get tagged in soon enough. He will! Colombian Heat enters the ring again to protest. Earl Hebner sends him back. Meanwhile, Ayane Mitsui tags in her husband, Otaku II. The crowd cheers. Otaku rushes over to the just-getting-up Mr. Boricua, and unleashes a flurry of punches and kicks to Mr. Boricua, trying to take him down. Otaku picks up Mr. Boricua and takes him over to a neutral corner. Otaku does a combination of forearms and martial arts kicks to Mr. Boricua, causing the big man to become dazed. Otaku manages to whip Mr. Boricua into the opposite corner. However, when he charges forward, Mr. Boricua elbows him in the face! Boricua tags in Cuban Wall. Cuban Wall grabs Otaku, but he gets forearmed in the stomach, and then beaten by Otaku. Otaku whips CW into the ropes. Otaku follows by jumping up and hitting Cuban Wall with a roaring elbow! COLE What great height from Otaku, knocking down Cuban Wall! Otaku covers Cuban Wall. COACH Here’s the cover! 1…2…Vitamin X hits Otaku II in the back of the head, breaking the count! Again. COLE Damn! Damn, man! Come on! This is getting ridiculous! Otaku II is about to attack Vitamin X, so X wisely runs out of the ring. Otaku glares angrily at VX. CABOOSE I’m proud of Vitamin X. COLE Well good. I wish somebody would anchor his ass. Otaku goes back to work on Cuban Wall, applying an arm-bar on his right arm. He cinches the hold tight. CABOOSE Why would you want somebody to anchor Vitamin X? Why? Because you’re scared? You’re scared of Vitamin X and The Lightning Crew! “X’S A PUSS-SEE!" *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* "X’S A PUSS-SEE!" *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* "X’S A PUSS-SEE!" *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* "X’S A PUSS-SEE!" *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* CABOOSE Oh come on! HE IS NOT! Otaku lets go of the arm-bar, and then climbs the top rope. The crowd cheers loudly, as Otaku looks at his teammates, and then leaps off, doing a flying legdrop onto Cuban Wall! COLE Otaku just gave a flying legdrop right across the throat of Cuban Wall! CABOOSE Come on Wall! You’re the bigger man! ATTACK HIM! Otaku gives Cuban Wall another legdrop, keeping The Muscle Of The Lightning Crew on the mat, and then applies move #939 (ARM-bar) on Cuban Wall again. COLE Otaku II is really working on the right arm of Cuban Wall. Otaku II cinches the hold tighter. Cuban Wall kicks Otaku in the face (or mask) with his left foot, trying to break the hold. He does it two more times. Otaku falls to the mat, so Cuban Wall covers him! He gets a two count. Cuban Wall and Otaku II both get back up. Otaku hits Wall with another roaring elbow! He covers Wall! ONE! TWO! Vitamin X jumps into the ring and hits Otaku II in the back of the head again, breaking the count! VX slides out of the ring and returns to his corner. COLE For the love of God! Will somebody stop Vitamin X from interrupting the count?! CABOOSE Hey. I think this sort of thing is fair in a Survivor Series Elimination Match. COLE Yeah, you would. Otaku II yells after Vitamin X to come into the ring. COLE It was only a month ago at Climax that Otaku defeated Vitamin X in a No Disqualification Match. X believes the only reason he lost is because Spanish Fly, John Brickston, and Colombian Heat attacked Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, and Thomas Rodriguez, and that is why he’s teaming up with Cuban Wall to take on Spanish Fly and Brickston this Sunday at Anglepalooza! CABOOSE Brains & Brawn are going to put Spanish Fly and John Brickston through tables this Sunday! But we won’t have to wait until then to see them collide. We can see them collide tonight on HeldDOWN~! While Otaku yells at Vitamin X, Cuban Wall made the tag to Tha Puerto Rican. “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring and beats on Otaku with Rock-style punches to the face. PRL punches Otaku into a corner. Punch. Punch. Spit on the hand. Punch! PRL then stomps a mudhole in Otaku and walks him dry! The Corporate Champ picks Otaku up and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle. PRL follows with a Stinger Splash! PRL then whips Otaku into the opposite turnbuckle. He goes for another Stinger Splash, but Otaku moves out of the way, and PR hits the turnbuckle! COLE That didn’t work as well as PRL planned it! PRL stumbles out of the turnbuckle, and gets hip tossed by Otaku! PRL gets back up, so Otaku gives him a dropkick, sending the Corporate 24/7 Champion down to the mat! Otaku then climbs the top rope, seeing Tha Puerto Rican still lying on the mat. Otaku does another top rope legdrop, this time on Tha Puerto Rican! COLE That move took the air out of PRL! Otaku covers Tha Puerto Rican. 1… Vitamin X hits Otaku II in the back of the head for the millionth time tonight, breaking up the count! COLE And now Vitamin X AGAIN! Well, who else, really? Who else is going to break the count? Always count on Vitamin X to break up the count! CABOOSE You say that like it’s a bad thing. COLE It’s really annoying, that’s for sure! Colombian Heat tries again to enter the ring, but Earl Hebner stops him. PRL gets up, dazed and confused. He walks over to the babyface corner, looking for a tag, but instead, Ayane slaps him across the face! PRL stumbles around the ring, into a punch from Otaku knocking him down! Otaku picks up Puerto, but Puerto has a sudden burst of energy, and spears Otaku all the way to The Lightning Crew corner! Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua hold Otaku back, and, together with PRL and Lindsay Gonzalez; proceed to do a beatdown on Otaku, pissing off the crowd. Ayane Mitsui and Colombian Heat enter the ring to protest, but referee Earl Hebner stops them from entering the ring, while allowing The Lightning Crew to beat on Otaku. COLE Otaku II is being assaulted in a 5-on-1 attack! CABOOSE Bravo, Lightning Crew, bravo! Tha Puerto Rican tags in Cuban Wall. Otaku is slumped on a turnbuckle, while Mr. Boricua and PRL double-team him. Cuban Wall smiles evilly as he walks over to the fallen Otaku. The crowd chants “X’S A PUSS-SEE!" *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* again. Cuban Wall tells Mr. Boricua to stop because he’ll take over for him. Boricua doesn’t understand Cuban Wall, so Wall explains to him very slowly that he is now the legal man. CABOOSE You got to be very gentle with Mr. Boricua. He’s “special”. COLE Oh he’s special all right. Mr. Boricua still doesn’t understand. So, Cuban Wall gives up, and tells Mr. Boricua to go back to The LC corner. He then tags in Mr. Boricua. CABOOSE Oh, how sweet of Cuban Wall! COACH Gag! Mr. Boricua attacks Otaku II. But Otaku fights back. He forearms Mr. Boricua in the face, trying to daze the big man. Otaku whips Mr. Boricua into the ropes. Mr. Boricua comes back with a flying clothesline on Otaku! Boricua covers Otaku. CABOOSE ONE! TWO! Otaku puts his left shoulder up! CABOOSE That was three! That was three! Mr. Boricua can’t believe that he only got a two count. But that’s because he’s an idiot. Mr. B picks up Otaku and punches him in the face several times. CABOOSE Mr. Boricua was the first member of The Lightning Crew. He’s been with The Lightning Crew since March 10, 2003, when Tha Puerto Rican debuted on OAOAST IntenseZone. He’s been loyal to PRL ever since, unlike that punk thug Colombian Heat! COLE Colombian Heat didn’t want to be brainwashed by Tha Puerto Rican anymore. He wanted to go on his own, and I’m proud of him for that! CABOOSE Oh shut up. Otaku II fights back. Boricua is dazed, so Otaku bounces off the ropes, and gives a front dropkick to Mr. Boricua’s left knee, knocking him to one knee. Otaku bounces off the ropes again…and does a Shining Wizard on Mr. Boricua! COLE Shining Wizard by Otaku! Otaku and Mr. Boricua both lie on the mat. The crowd starts cheering, trying to bring Otaku back to life. Referee Earl Hebner starts the 10 count. Colombian Heat, Ayane Mitsui, John “Rock Hard” Brickston, and Spanish Fly all put their hands out for the tag. 4… Otaku II starts to get up. 5… Cuban Wall starts to get up. 6… Otaku sits up. 7… Earl Hebner stops his count. Otaku lunges forward and makes the tag to John “Rock Hard” Brickston! COLE John Brickston is in the match for the first time tonight! The crowd pops as “Rock Hard” enters the ring and clotheslines Mr. Boricua down! Mr. B gets up, so Brickston clotheslines him down again! John Brickston punches Mr. Boricua in the face several times on a turnbuckle. Brickston Irish whips Mr. Boricua into the ropes. Boricua goes for a clothesline, but Brickston ducks, grabs Boricua from behind, and lifts him up with ease to give him a Full Nelson Slam! Afterwards, Brickston does the “You can’t see me!” hand gesture! COLE John Brickston just lifted the 6’9” 300 lbs. Mr. Boricua and gave him a Full Nelson Slam! COACH Look at the power of John Brickston! CABOOSE Was the hand gesture really necessary? Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez enters the ring, but gets clotheslined by John Brickston! CABOOSE YOU BASTARD! Brickston picks up Lindsay by her hair and then lifts her up. Brickston holds Lindsay up in a Gorilla Press Slam position, and then drops her to the mat! CABOOSE You monster! John Brickston knocks out PRL, Cuban Wall, and Vitamin X with one punch! He then lets out a mighty roar! COLE John Brickston is fired up! He maybe is setting up for the first elimination! CABOOSE Look out Mr. Boricua! John “Rock Hard” Brickston grabs Mr. Boricua and lifts him up onto his shoulders! The crowd cheers loudly, anticipating The Killswitch. COLE That’s 300 pounds on John Brickston’s shoulders! Brickston is about to do The Killswitch, but suddenly, Mr. Boricua escapes! Mr. Boricua does a soccer kick into Brickston’s balls! COLE Hey! That’s not fair! That’s cheating! John Brickston holds his buffalo shot. Mr. Boricua turns him around and places him in between his legs in a standing headscissors. Mr. B lifts up John Brickston, surprising the crowd, and then slams him down to the mat with the Latino Bomb! CABOOSE Latino Bomb! Latino Bomb! COLE Mr. Boricua has just given John Brickston his version of the powerbomb, the Latino Bomb! COACH I don’t know how he did that. He was able to lift up another big man and give him the Latino Bomb! Great leverage! Mr. Boricua yells to the fans. He walks over to The Lightning Crew, and gets slapped in the back by Cuban Wall, which means that Cuban Wall is now the legal man. John Brickston is starting to get up. COLE Cuban Wall tags himself in. John Brickston gets up…only to get double goozled by Cuban Wall! CW places Brickston on his right shoulder, and then kneels down, giving John Brickston the Wallbreaker! COLE And now John Brickston gets hit with a Wallbreaker! CABOOSE Wallbreaker! Wallbreaker! Cuban Wall stands up. Seeing that John Brickston is lying on the mat, Cuban Wall bounces off the ropes, and lands on top of Brickston with The Lightning Crew Splash! CABOOSE The Lightning Crew Splash! The Lightning Crew Splash! Cuban Wall is about to cover Brickston, when Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez yells at him to give her the tag. Wall is hesitant, but Tha Puerto Rican orders him to tag Lindsay. Cuban Wall does. COLE And now Lindsay wants the tag! COACH She wants to pin John Brickston just like she pinned Colombian Heat back in December! The crowd chants “SLUT! SLUT! SLUT! SLUT!” Lindsay ignores the chants aimed at her, and instead picks up John Brickston. John is pretty much knocked out after having been hit with three finishing moves, but Lindsay still grabs him in a headlock, and then jumps onto the ropes, using them to push her forward, doing a bulldog on John Brickston! The Latina Bitch Jam (Stratusfaction)! The crowd boos. CABOOSE The Latina Bitch Jam! The Latina Bitch Jam! COACH The Lightning Crew are just laying into him big time! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez stops to pose, drawing a mixed reaction. She notices that Vitamin X is putting his right hand out for a tag, so she walks over to The Lightning Crew corner and tags him in. The crowd boos. COLE NOW he finally decides to tag in! CABOOSE He was just waiting for the right time to make the tag. COLE Oh come on! Vitamin X climbs the top rope. The Lightning Crew cheers him on. COLE Vitamin X wants the glory. He got the tag. Vitamin X leaps off the top rope, and does The Leap Of Faith onto John “Rock Hard” Brickston! CABOOSE The Leap Of Faith! The Leap Of Faith! COLE The elbow off the top. Vitamin X covers John “Rock Hard” Brickston. 1… 2… 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COLE Oh damn! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1st Elimination: John “Rock Hard” Brickston (12:50) Eliminated By: Vitamin X (via pinfall) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, John “Rock Hard” Brickston…HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! COLE Well, that’s just swell. Vitamin X spends the entire match standing on the ring apron, stopping pinfalls, and when John Brickston is knocked out on the mat, only THEN does he decide to tag in, just so he can get the pinfall! COACH Vitamin X now has something to brag about. He eliminated John “Rock Hard” Brickston, three days away from their Tag Team Tables Match at Anglepalooza! COLE I think VX has just made Brickston angrier by eliminating him tonight, and he may just pay for that this Sunday. The Lightning Crew celebrates Vitamin X’s pinfall. X does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle to further irritate the crowd. VITAMIN X BOO-YAH~! BOO-YAH~! BOO-YAH~! COLE Now he’s going to get jiggy wit it… The jeers turn to cheers as Colombian Heat enters the ring, staring a hole into Vitamin X, who is still doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. The Lightning Crew tries to warn Vitamin X that Colombian Heat is in the ring, but X isn’t paying attention. COLE …and eliminated. Vitamin X’s smile fades when he sees the looks on the faces of The Lightning Crew. Colombian Heat stands right behind him. VX slowly stops doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle, and turns around. VITAMIN X OH SHIT! CABOOSE Oh no. Colombian Heat attacks Vitamin X! He takes VX to a neutral corner and hits him with a combination of punches and chops! Heat then goes Martial Arts on X, nailing the Financial Consultant for The Lightning Crew with kicks to the midsection, and finishing off with a jumping back kick to the jaw of Vitamin X, sending him slumping to the mat! COLE Colombian Heat is hammering away on Vitamin X! Colombian Heat heads to the opposite turnbuckle. Heat looks to the crowd, who knows what’s coming up next. Heat does the low-rider hand gesture and then charges forward, giving Vitamin X the Broncobuster! COACH Face-Full-O-Stuff! Face-Full-O-Stuff! Colombian Heat plays to the cheering crowd! Heat picks up Vitamin X from the turnbuckle and whips him into the ropes. Clothesline! Vitamin X gets up. Another clothesline! VX gets up again! Another clothesline! This time he stays down! COLE And another knockdown by Colombian Heat. Colombian Heat stands over Vitamin X. He gets an idea. He looks at The Lightning Crew, and then tags in Ayane Mitsui! COLE I wonder what Colombian Heat is doing? Heat tells Ayane to “Finish dat punk, girl!” Ayane picks up Vitamin X, measures him up. COACH I think this is the end for Vitamin X! Ayane delivers the Golden High Kick to Vitamin X (Big roundhouse kick with the right leg to the opponent’s skull)! CABOOSE Oh God! This is so embarrassing! Vitamin X got hit by a girl! The crowd cheers. Ayane stares at the fallen VX, and then smiles at her teammates. She tags in Otaku II. COLE Now it’s Otaku II’s turn. COACH I think they’re doing to Vitamin X what The Lightning Crew did to John Brickston! CABOOSE This is not right. This is not right at all. Otaku II stares at The Lightning Crew, taunting them. He picks up the groggy Vitamin X, who needs to be held up by Otaku in order to stand. COLE Vitamin X can barely stand. CABOOSE Oh please! Otaku holds up VX…and then places him in between his legs in a standing headscissors. Otaku lifts X up, and places him in the Styles Clash position. CABOOSE NO! NO! COLE, DO SOMETHING! Otaku holds Vitamin X up for a few seconds while the crowd stands up. He then does the Bubblegum Crash on Vitamin X! COLE The Golden High Kick! The Bubblegum Crash! Vitamin X is getting some karma retribution! Vitamin X lies in the center of the ring, unconscious. Otaku yells at X, and then tags in Spanish Fly. The two members of Mad Machine pick up VX and place him on the second rope. The crowd starts cheering, sensing that a 6-1-9 is coming up. Spanish Fly looks at the crowd, a smile on his face. SPANISH FLY 6-1-9! Spanish Fly heads to the ropes, bounces off of them, and then charges forward… COACH Wine me, dine me, 6-1-9 me! Spanish Fly hits Vitamin X with the 6-1-9! COLE The 6-1-9! The 6-1-9 on Vitamin X! CABOOSE Oh no! Oh no! Vitamin X stumbles around the ring. While he does this, Spanish Fly exits the ring and climbs the top rope. COACH We know what’s coming up next! CABOOSE Oh for the love of God! Spanish Fly waits for Vitamin X to come near him. When he does, Fly jumps off the top rope with the Fly Swatter! COLE Spanish Fly with the Fly Swatter! Fly covers the unconscious Vitamin X. Otaku enters the ring to make sure no Lightning Crew member tries to stop the count. CROWD ONE! TWO! THREE!!! COLE And The X-Man has been eliminated! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2nd Elimination: Vitamin X (14:40) Eliminated By: Spanish Fly (via pinfall) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, Vitamin X…HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Mr. Boricua enters the ring and attacks Spanish Fly. Meanwhile, referee Earl Hebner drags the carcass of Vitamin X out of the ring. Mr. Boricua whips Spanish Fly into the ropes. He clutches his throat in a goozle! Fly elbows Boricua in the face to break the hold. Fly bounces off the ropes. Mr. Boricua grabs him for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, but Spanish Fly counters with a hurricanrana sending the 6’9” big man down! COLE There are 8 people left in this match. 4 for The Lightning Crew. 4 for Colombian Heat’s team! Spanish Fly does a standing moonsault on Mr. Boricua! Fly covers Boricua. 1… 2… PRL kicks Fly in the head to stop the count! COLE And PRL makes sure there is no 3 count! Spanish Fly attacks PRL as he exits the ring, but isn’t able to hurt him. Spanish Fly turns around, and gets hit with a MASSIVE clothesline from Mr. Boricua! Mr. B stomps on Fly, while The Lightning Crew cheers him on. CABOOSE Beautiful move from Mr. Boricua! A ++! Boricua yells at the crowd like he is The Incredible Hulk. Mr. Boricua tags in Cuban Wall. Meanwhile, OAOAST Road Agents are helping Vitamin X to the back. Cuban Wall scoops up Spanish Fly and holds him in a fallaway slam position. Wall runs towards one of the turnbuckles and slams Fly’s back against it. Wall heads to a second turnbuckle and slams Fly’s back against that one. CW runs to a third turnbuckle and slams Fly’s back against that one also. Wall then runs to the fourth turnbuckle and slams Spanish Fly’s back against it, and finishes with a powerslam! COLE Spanish Fly’s back took a lot of damage thanks to Cuban Wall! CABOOSE Let’s go Wall! Cuban Wall drops a leg onto the throat of Spanish Fly. He then tags in Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. The 1st Lady of The Lightning Crew comes in and stomps on Spanish Fly as he gets up. Lindsay picks up Fly and elbows him in the face several times. She whips Fly into the ropes, Spanish Fly reverses. Fly goes for a clothesline, but Lindsay ducks, and nails Fly in the face a Kawada Kick! Gonzalez picks up Spanish Fly and whips him into a turnbuckle. Lindsay walks over to Fly and grabs him in a front facelock. She gets on the top rope, still using a front facelock on Fly. Lindsay jumps off the top rope, going for a tornado DDT, but Spanish Fly escapes, sending Lindsay slamming onto the mat face first! CABOOSE That could have ruined her face! COLE You think Spanish Fly cares about that now? Spanish Fly quickly covers Lindsay. COLE We could have a pin here! ONE! TWO! KICK OUT!!! Both Lindsay and Spanish Fly get up at the same time. Fly does a spinning wheel kick on Lindsay, knocking her back down! Fly crawls over to his corner, and tags in Ayane Mitsui. The crowd cheers, since they’re hoping to see a catfight. Lindsay uses the ropes to get up and then stares down Ayane. COACH Oh boy! Here we go! Catfight! Catfight! COLE Lindsay and Ayane are no strangers to each other. Ayane defeated Lindsay at AngleSlam, something I’m sure Lindsay hasn’t forgotten. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez removes her scrunchee and lets her hair down to show that she means business. Lindsay and Ayane circle each other. MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ Let’s do this, puta! Lindsay SPEARS~! Ayane down, and the two women slug it out on the mat! COACH CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT! CABOOSE Will someone throw a bucket of water on Coach? Or better yet, will somebody stun him with a stun gun? The crowd is enjoying seeing the two attractive women fight. Ayane Mitsui gains control and picks up Lindsay Gonzalez. Otaku’s wife unleashes a flurry of punches and kicks on Tha Puerto Rican’s girlfriend. Mitsui Irish whips Gonzalez into the ropes. She follows with a leg lariat! Lindsay gets up, so Ayane does a jumping back kick on her! Lindsay gets up again, groggy, so Ayane hits her with a dropkick! CABOOSE Look at this! Colombian Heat’s team is isolating Lindsay Gonzalez! They’re hurting sweet, delicate, gorgeous Lindsay! They’re a team of misogynists! COLE Oh come on! That’s a ridiculous claim! A team of misogynists! Ayane picks up Lindsay again and whips her into the ropes. Ayane puts her head down, so Lindsay kicks her in the face! Lindsay punches Ayane in the face, all the way to a turnbuckle. Lindsay nails Ayane with several chops across the chest. But then, Ayane grabs Lindsay and sends HER to the turnbuckle, and then nails HER with several chops across the chest. *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Ayane grabs Lindsay and gives him a bodyslam. She bounces off the ropes, but gets kicked in the back by Cuban Wall! Ayane beats on Wall, almost knocking him down, but is stopped by Lindsay! Gonzalez whips Ayane into the ropes, Ayane reverses, Lindsay reverses, and Ayane bounces off the ropes right into a crescent kick from Lindsay! COLE Good God! What a shot! The crowd winced at the crescent kick. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez exits the ring and climbs the top rope. She waits for Ayane to get up. MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ Come on bitch! Ayane slowly gets up. Mitsui gets on one knee. CABOOSE Lindsay going up! Here it is! The Lindsay-Canrana! Ayane gets to her feet. Lindsay jumps off the top rope and grabs Ayane with her legs. Lindsay-Canrana! BUT WAIT! Ayane grabs a hold of Lindsay’s short shorts and lifts her up. Powerbomb! Ayane holds on for the cover! 1… 2… 3!!! NO! CUBAN WALL KICKS AYANE IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! CABOOSE Yes! Otaku II enters the ring to defend his wife. He grabs Cuban Wall and forearms him in the face. Mr. Boricua enters the ring to stop Otaku. Tha Puerto Rican also enters the ring. Spanish Fly and Colombian Heat enter the ring to stop Mr. Boricua and Tha Puerto Rican! A pier-six brawl erupts! COLE Everyone’s in the ring, fighting each other! Mr. Boricua attacks Otaku, allowing Cuban Wall to rest. Colombian Heat punches Mr. Boricua, dazing the giant. Spanish Fly sends Tha Puerto Rican out of the ring, and then brawls with him there. Colombian Heat collides with Mr. Boricua, who crashes into Cuban Wall, knocking him to the outside! Otaku exits the ring to brawl with Cuban Wall. Colombian Heat brawls with Mr. Boricua in Sofa Central. COACH Things are breaking down here! Meanwhile, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Ayane Mitsui are still in the ring. Lindsay climbs the top rope again, waiting for Ayane to get up. COLE Cuban Wall is brawling with Otaku II! Tha Puerto Rican is brawling with Spanish Fly! Colombian Heat is brawling with Mr. Boricua! CABOOSE And look! Lindsay is on the top rope again! Ayane gets to one knee. Lindsay has a smile on her face. Once Ayane is on a vertical base, Lindsay Gonzalez jumps off the top rope, grabbing Ayane Mitsui with her legs to give her the Lindsay-Canrana! COLE Lindsay is able to give Ayane the Lindsay-Canrana this time! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez covers Ayane Mitsui. 1… 2… 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COLE And Ayane Mitsui is gone! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 3rd Elimination: Ayane Mitsui (17:59) Eliminated By: Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez (via pinfall) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, Ayane Mitsui…HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! CABOOSE Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez has pinned Ayane Mitsui! Way to go, girl! Show her who’s the most dominating female in the OAOAST! COLE 2 wrestlers have been eliminated from Colombian Heat’s team! There are 3 wrestlers left! CABOOSE And they’re going to be eliminated in just a moment! Lindsay celebrates her pinfall, but not for long, as Otaku II enters the ring and nails Lindsay with forearms. The other wrestlers are still brawling on the outside. Otaku whips Lindsay into a turnbuckle. Lindsay hits the turnbuckle back first. The leader of Mad Machine forearms Lindsay in the corner, leading to Lindsay falling to the mat. Cuban Wall enters the ring. He goes for a clothesline, but Otaku II ducks, and forearms Wall in the head! He does it several times, taking him over to another turnbuckle. Cuban Wall soon becomes groggy. Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring, and gets immediately hit with forearms by Otaku. Otaku grabs Puerto and whips him into another turnbuckle. PRL hits the turnbuckle sternum-first. Otaku grabs him and places him on the turnbuckle where he nails him with punches and forearms that dazed The Corporate Champ. Mr. Boricua enters the ring and spears Otaku II into the only turnbuckle without a Lightning Crew member on it. Boricua lays into Otaku, but Otaku is able to defend himself, blocking the blows. Otaku fires back with forearms and punches, and he is finally able to take control of Mr. Boricua and send him into the turnbuckle. Otaku forearms and punches Mr. Boricua in the head, dazing him too. COLE The Lightning Crew are resting on the turnbuckles! What’s Otaku going to do now? Otaku heads over to Cuban Wall and whips him into the ropes. Roaring Elbow! Cuban Wall doesn’t fall. Otaku heads to the ropes again, and fires with another Roaring Elbow! Still nothing. Otaku heads to the ropes for a third time and hits Wall with the Roaring Elbow, this time knocking him down! COLE Otaku just knocked down Cuban Wall! Otaku heads over to Mr. Boricua and also whips him into the ropes. Roaring Elbow! Mr. Boricua doesn’t go down. Otaku heads to the ropes again. Roaring Elbow! Mr. Boricua stumbles, but doesn’t fall. Otaku heads to the ropes AGAIN. Roaring Elbow! Mr. Boricua STILL won’t go down! Otaku heads to the ropes for a fourth time. Roaring Elbow! Mr. Boricua moves, but doesn’t fall! Otaku heads to the ropes for a fifth time. Roaring Elbow! Mr. Boricua teeters but hangs on! Otaku heads to the ropes for the SIXTH time and hits Mr. Boricua with the Roaring Elbow! Mr. Boricua slowly, but surely, falls to the mat! The crowd applauds Otaku for his efforts! COLE It took Otaku SIX Roaring Elbows, but he was able to knock down Mr. Boricua! CABOOSE Oh no! This isn’t going to sit well with him! Otaku goes over to Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and whips her into the ropes. Roaring Elbow! And Lindsay goes down! Otaku then heads over to Tha Puerto Rican and Irish whips him into the ropes. Roaring Elbow! PRL goes down! COLE Otaku has given the Roaring Elbow to every Lightning Crew member in the match! COACH He better watch out, because he’s in the ring with 4 LC members! Otaku II picks up Cuban Wall and whips him into the ropes. He leaps up, grabbing Cuban Wall using his legs, giving him a hurricanrana, taking him from the ring to the outside! COLE Make that in the ring with 3 LC members! Otaku charges and gives Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez a dropkick that sends her over the top rope and onto the floor! COLE Okay. Make that 2 LC members! Otaku picks up Mr. Boricua. He kicks him in the gut, but Boricua grabs his foot. Otaku fires back by giving Mr. Boricua an enzuguri! COLE What a move by Otaku! “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican charges towards Otaku, but Otaku is able to grab him and give him a hiptoss! Otaku II glances at the crowd, and the crowd cheers. He picks up Mr. Boricua, and places him in between his legs in a standing headscissors. COLE He’s going for the Bubblegum Crash! COACH Do you think he’s going to be able to lift up Mr. Boricua? CABOOSE No! Of course not. Right? Otaku tries to lift up Mr. Boricua, using all of his power. He’s able to lift Mr. Boricua off the mat, getting the crowd worked up. COACH I think he’s got him! *KA-POW~!* Tha Puerto Rican nails Otaku II with the Sweet Chin Music! COLE Tha Puerto Rican just stopped Otaku from lifting up Mr. Boricua! PRL prevented Otaku from giving him the Bubblegum Crash! CABOOSE Way to go, P.R.! Way to stop Otaku! The crowd is deflated thanks to PRL. Puerto Rican waits for Otaku to get up. PUERTO RICAN Come on! The crowd tries to warn Otaku of what’s behind him. CABOOSE Corporate Nightmare coming up! Otaku gets on his feet. He turns around… (Continued next post. No this isn't a commercial break. We said "No commercial interruption" and we MEAN IT, dammit!) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 27, 2006 KICK WHAM CORPORATE NIGHTMARE! PRL grabs Mr. Boricua and drags him over to Otaku. Since Mr. Boricua is so big, PR has a hard time dragging him. PRL Goddamn, you’re heavy. Tha Puerto Rican finally places Mr. Boricua on top of Otaku II. He leaves the ring and goes back to his corner. Referee Earl Hebner counts. CABOOSE ONE! TWO! THREE! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4th Elimination: Otaku II (19:55) Eliminated By: Mr. Boricua (via pinfall) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, Otaku II…HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! COLE Oh my! The Lightning Crew is now most definitely in control! They have four members left, while Colombian Heat’s team only has Heat and Spanish Fly! CABOOSE This is going great! The Lightning Crew is showing Colombian Heat and his group of scrubs how pathetic they truly are. If you ask me, Tha Puerto Rican has the momentum heading into Anglepalooza this Sunday! HAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAA!!! WOOOOOOOOOO! Otaku II exits the ring, a defeated man. Mr. Boricua is just starting to recover from Otaku’s enzuguiri earlier and is crawling over to The Lightning Crew corner. Meanwhile, Cuban Wall grabs Colombian Heat, who was hurt during the brawl, and throws him into the ring. Spanish Fly is lying on the floor. Mr. Boricua makes the tag to Cuban Wall. Cuban Wall stomps on Colombian Heat as Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez slowly crawls over to The Lightning Crew corner. COLE We finally have some sense of order back. The Lightning Crew have all returned to their corner, and Spanish Fly is starting to get up. The crowd chants, “HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT!” CW picks up CH and punches him in the face on the ropes. Wall whips Heat into the ropes. He goes for a clothesline, but Colombian Heat ducks, punches Wall in the face. He punches him again. And again! Colombian Heat DANCES~! And then knocks Cuban Wall to the mat with a fourth punch! COLE Shake, Rattle, & Roll! Colombian Heat bounces off the ropes, doing a SHIMMY~!, before dropping a knee onto Cuban Wall’s head! COLE Shaky Leg Kneedrop! Colombian Heat fires up the crowd, and then picks Cuban Wall up. He Irish whips Cuban Wall into the ropes—Cuban Wall reverses—and then gives Colombian Heat a flying clothesline knocking him down! COACH Big time flying clothesline! This could be the knockout punch! CABOOSE It’s over. It’s all over. It’s impossible for Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly to fight A Lightning Crew member. Can you imagine them fighting FOUR of them? Colombian Heat couldn’t even take on 3 LC members, and he got pinned by Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. Do you think he can take on 4 LC members with only a midget by his side? I think not. It’s all over. Colombian Heat is going down at the hands of The Lightning Crew just like he will go down to Tha Puerto Rican this Sunday! COLE I’ll tell ya, you wanna talk about insurmountable odds. Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly must eliminate 4 of their opponents in order to win this match! Cuban Wall has an evil smile on his face as he picks up Colombian Heat. He gloats to The Lightning Crew. Suddenly, Colombian Heat shoots up, grabs Cuban Wall and gives him the Pimp Juice (Flatliner)! 1… 2… MR. BORICUA BREAKS IT UP! COLE Mr. Boricua saves the three count! COACH Can he even count to three? CABOOSE Shut up. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez enters the ring, but is forced back into her corner by Earl Hebner. Colombian Heat and Cuban Wall both lay on the mat, so Earl Hebner starts the 10 count. COLE Spanish Fly is still on the outside so Colombian Heat has no one to tag! The crowd chants, “HEAT! HEAT!” again as Heat and Wall get up. Colombian Heat goes for a punch, but Cuban Wall blocks it. Wall knees Heat in the stomach, and then hits him with the CLUBBERIN’~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN’~! forearms. Cuban Wall yells at Colombian Heat, and goes to pick him up. Suddenly, Colombian Heat springs to life with an AJ Styles-like Pele Kick to Cuban Wall’s head! COLE What a Pele Kick! Out of nowhere! COACH Heat covers Cuban Wall! 1…2…Tha Puerto Rican breaks it up! COLE PRL interrupts the count again! Both Cuban Wall and Colombian Heat lie on the mat again. They both get up, but Cuban Wall is up first. He punches Heat in the face several times. Cuban Wall Irish whips Colombian Heat. Heat reverses, and Cuban Wall bumps into Mr. Boricua, knocking him to the floor! Cuban Wall is shocked at what he just did…allowing Colombian Heat to grab Cuban Wall’s tights and roll him up! 1… 2… 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COACH He got him! He got him with the rollup! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 5th Elimination: Cuban Wall (22:10) Eliminated By: Colombian Heat (via pinfall) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, Cuban Wall…HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! CABOOSE Colombian Heat held the tights! He held the tights! He should be disqualified! He cheated! COLE I didn’t see any cheating! Colombian Heat shocked Cuban Wall! COACH Cuban Wall can’t believe it! He’s stunned! COLE Cuban Wall has just been pinned by the man he hates the most in the OAOAST! CABOOSE Aw damn! The crowd is cheering loudly. Cuban Wall tries to attack Colombian Heat, but Earl Hebner holds him back. Earl Hebner forces Cuban Wall to leave the ring. Wall does the “Up yours!” gesture to Earl Hebner as he walks up the entrance ramp. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez enters the ring, becoming the legal (wo)man. She kicks Colombian Heat while he’s down on the mat, trying to get a quick pinfall on Heat. Spanish Fly is at long last on the ring apron. COLE We are down to 5 superstars. 3 on The Lightning Crew side. 2 on The Dawgs side! CABOOSE This was the original lineup of The Lightning Crew: PRL, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, and Mr. Boricua! So Colombian Heat is facing the three wrestlers who have been in The Lightning Crew the longest! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez hammers on Colombian Heat, taking him to a neutral corner. She whips Heat into the opposite turnbuckle, but Heat reverses. Heat unleashes a combination of punches and chops to Lindsay. Heat then goes Martial Arts on her, hitting Lindsay with kicks all over her body. He finishes with a jumping back kick to Lindsay’s jaw, which sends her slumping down onto the mat. Colombian Heat runs over to the opposite turnbuckle, and the crowd starts cheering. CABOOSE Oh no. Don’t tell me! Not THAT move! Colombian Heat does the low rider hand gesture, and then charges forward, giving Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez the Broncobuster! COLE Broncobuster! Broncobuster on Lindsay Gonzalez! CABOOSE How dare you. HOW. DARE. YOU! Colombian Heat just sexually assaulted Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez! He just sexually assaulted her! How terrible! What a no good, disgusting, thug Colombian Heat is. What a no good thug he is! COLE Switch to decaf. Colombian Heat gets up and poses for the fans. The crowd cheers. Heat tags in Spanish Fly. As Lindsay Gonzalez gets up, Spanish Fly bounces off the ropes and gives her a front dropkick square in the face! Fly picks up Lindsay and whips her into the ropes—NO—Lindsay reverses, but Spanish Fly bounces off the ropes with a spinning wheel kick! Lindsay gets up, so Spanish Fly bounces off the ropes, and gives her another spinning wheel kick! Spanish Fly bounces off the ropes again, and gives Lindsay Gonzalez a spinning neckbreaker! COLE Spanish Fly is fighting an uphill battle with Colombian Heat. Those two must eliminate 3 competitors in this match! CABOOSE Not going to happen! Fly pins Lindsay. It gets two. Spanish Fly picks up Lindsay and chops her across the chest. *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Spanish Fly whips Lindsay into the opposite turnbuckle. Lindsay reverses. She charges forward, but Spanish Fly leaps over her, and Lindsay crashes into the turnbuckle chest first. Fly bounces off the ropes, leaps onto Lindsay, and does the Rube Goldberg Bulldog on her! Fly exits the ring and climbs the ropes. Lindsay starts getting up, with the crowd anxiously awaiting Fly’s next move. COLE Fly is going to fly! Lindsay gets up, so Spanish Fly flies off the top rope. Flying crossbody! BUT WAIT! Lindsay reverses the crossbody into a pin! 1… 2… KICK OUT! Spanish Fly and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez get up. Lindsay ducks underneath Fly, grabs him, and gives Spanish Fly a German Suplex! COLE Spanish Fly got knocked down! Caboose applauds. COLE Can you be unbiased when you call a PRL match for once? Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez laughs at Spanish Fly. She poses for the crowd. The fans shower her with a mix of boos and cheers. Lindsay also gets several catcalls. Lindsay points to her shirt and asks the crowd if they want her to take it off. The crowd cheers. Lindsay seductively removes her shirt. COACH Oh baby! Show Da Coach your goodies! CABOOSE Pipe down, Coach! You’re giving Triple C a bad name! Yeah, Lindsay! Take it off! Take it all off! Lindsay changes her mind, and puts her shirt back on, and then flips the crowd off! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH Rats! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez taunts the fans, telling them they’ll never see her in her underwear. The crowd chants “SLUT!” at her, but Lindsay ignores the chants and continues her jaw jacking. Then, from out of nowhere, Spanish Fly gets up and pulls down Lindsay’s short shorts revealing her black thong to the world! CABOOSE What the? What? What? COLE Spanish Fly just pulled down Lindsay’s shorts! COACH Oh yeah! Show us what you got Lindsay! Lindsay is shocked and appalled at what just happened, but the crowd absolutely loves it! Lindsay tries to pull her shorts back up, but Spanish Fly has climbed the top rope! FLY SWATTER! CABOOSE Hey no fair! Spanish Fly cheated! Spanish Fly covers Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez (who has yet to pull her short shorts up). 1… 2… 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CABOOSE WTF?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 6th Elimination: Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez (25:07) Eliminated By: Spanish Fly (via pinfall) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez…HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! COLE Spanish Fly just pinned Lindsay Gonzalez! COACH Don’t pull your shorts up, Lindsay! Keep them down! I’m enjoying this! Lindsay is still in the ring, pulling her short shorts up. Lindsay rolls out of the ring, her short shorts having been pulled up. Mr. Boricua enters the ring and attacks Spanish Fly just as he’s getting up following the pin. Boricua picks up Spanish Fly, but Spanish Fly fights back. Fly’s comeback only lasts a few seconds as Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring, and, together with Mr. Boricua, does a beatdown on Spanish Fly! But Colombian Heat enters the ring to help Fly and to attack Tha Puerto Rican. A pier-four brawl erupts between the final four competitors in the match! COLE We are now down to four men. Two from The Lightning Crew! Two from Colombian Heat’s team! COACH We’re getting down to the wire! I have no idea who’s going to win this match! CABOOSE The Lightning Crew. Duh! Mr. Boricua beats on Spanish Fly in a corner, while Colombian Heat pulls Tha Puerto Rican out of the ring. PRL and Heat brawl outside. PRL gains the advantage, slamming Heat’s head on top of the announcer’s table. PRL kicks Heat in the right leg, knocking him down. Puerto then grabs Colombian Heat by the legs, and then catapults him into a ringpost! The crowd groans. COLE PRL just took Colombian Heat for a ride! The Corporate Champ returns to his corner. Mr. Boricua applies a chinlock on Spanish Fly. Boricua cinches the hold tight, yelling at Fly while applying the hold. Earl Hebner checks on Spanish Fly. The crowd chants, “LET’S GO FLY! LET’S GO FLY!” COACH Mr. Boricua is just choking the life out of Spanish Fly! Spanish Fly shakes his hands. He gets on one knee, with Mr. Boricua still applying the chinlock. Fly gets to his feet. He elbows Mr. Boricua in the gut several times to break the chinlock. However, Mr. B is right back on him, grabbing Fly’s right foot and pulling him back onto the mat. Mr. B stomps on Spanish Fly. He then covers him. He gets a two count. Boricua picks up Fly and takes him over to The Lightning Crew corner, tagging in Tha Puerto Rican. Boricua holds Fly open for a kick to the stomach. Puerto Rican lays into Spanish Fly with Rock-style punches to the temple, taking him to a neutral corner. Colombian Heat is still on the outside. Puerto does some knife-edged chops across the chest of Spanish Fly. *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” P.R. grabs Spanish Fly and seats him on the top rope. Colombian Heat has finally recovered and is at his corner. PRL climbs the second rope, and places Spanish Fly in a facelock. He then puts Fly’s left arm over his head. COLE PRL is going up top now. What could he be thinking of doing? P.R. grabs Fly’s red leather pants, and does a superplex on Spanish Fly from the top rope! COACH Superplex! What a superplex! Tha Puerto Rican got a lot of air on that one! He really made Spanish Fly hurt with that move! COLE Spanish Fly is indeed hurting thanks to that superplex from the top. PRL and Fly both lie on the mat. However, several seconds later, Tha Puerto Rican covers Spanish Fly, hooking the legs. 1! 2!! 3!!! NO! FLY PUTS HIS RIGHT SHOULDER UP! COACH That was a long two count. Someone should check on that referee. PRL picks Fly up, and whips him into the ropes. Spanish Fly reverses. PRL reverses, grabs Fly…and gives him the Latin Slam! COLE Latin Slam on Spanish Fly! PRL covers Fly. ONE! TWO! KICK OUT! PRL, frustrated, kicks Spanish Fly in the head, and then tags in Mr. Boricua. PR holds Spanish Fly so Mr. Boricua can punch him in the stomach. As a “P.R. SUCKS!” chant starts up again, Mr. Boricua pounds on Spanish Fly with the CLUBBERIN’~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN’~! forearms. Boricua whips Spanish Fly into the ropes, and follows with a big boot to the face! Boricua then chokes Fly with his right foot, using the ropes for leverage. Spanish Fly gasps for air. Earl Hebner sees this, and tells Mr. Boricua to stop choking Fly by the count of 5. Mr. Boricua stops at the count of 4. MR. BORICUA Me sorry. While Earl Hebner tells Mr. Boricua to not choke Spanish Fly like that again, Tha Puerto Rican grabs Fly by his head and chokes him on the second rope! He drives his knee into the back of Fly’s head. Colombian Heat enters the ring to stop this, but before anything can happen, Earl Hebner holds Colombian Heat back! This gives Mr. Boricua more time to stomp on Spanish Fly. CABOOSE This match is going The Lightning Crew’s way. It’s incredible! COACH I know. Isn’t it? Boricua picks up Fly and whips him into the ropes. Back elbow! Boricua covers Spanish Fly. 1…2…KICK OUT! Mr. Boricua doesn’t get mad. Instead, he picks Spanish Fly up and punches him in the face. He does this several times. Mr. B Irish whips Spanish Fly into the ropes. Boricua goes for a clothesline, Fly ducks, bounces off the ropes, and hits Mr. Boricua with a spinning wheel kick knocking down! COLE Spanish Fly has knocked down Mr. Boricua! CABOOSE Eh, Boricua’s weak now! He’s been in the match for a while, so he’s bound to get tired! That’s why he fell! Spanish Fly does a standing moonsault on Mr. Boricua. Fly picks Mr. Boricua up and whips him into the ropes. Mr. Boricua reverses, and then quickly fires off a MASSIVE clothesline on Spanish Fly, knocking him silly! COACH That was a great counter by Mr. Boricua! Nobody is as strong as a counter wrestler than Mr. Boricua! COLE Oh, I wouldn’t go that far. PR Tag me, Boricua! Mr. Boricua tags in Tha Puerto Rican. Tha Puerto Rican grabs Spanish Fly by his mask, and runs with him to the ropes. PRL jumps over the top rope onto the floor, still holding onto Spanish Fly. Because of this, when PRL jumps over the top rope, Spanish Fly’s neck hits the top rope! Fly bounces off the top rope and lands on the mat. The Necksnap! P.R. walks up the ring steps and enters the ring. He waits for Spanish Fly to get up. When he does, PRL runs forward, leaps over Fly, grabs him in mid-air, and then gives him a neckbreaker! The Lightning Shock! COLE Oh my. Nobody’s body should bend like that! PRL stops to pose. The crowd showers him with boos. PRL responds by giving the fans the “Up yours!” hand gesture. Puerto stomps on Spanish Fly with shaky leg kicks to the head. He picks Fly up and whips him into the ropes. Tilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker! PRL chokes Spanish Fly, with the referee admonishing him for it. COLE Spanish Fly is gutting it out. He has survived this isolation. Colombian Heat has been unable to get the tag from Spanish Fly so far! PRL lets go of the choke, and picks up Fly. He tags back in Mr. Boricua. PRL holds Spanish Fly up in a back suplex, but instead of finishing it, he allows Mr. Boricua to give Spanish Fly a neckbreaker while PRL still holds onto him in a back suplex position! PUERTO RICAN You gotta get funky like that! Mr. Boricua picks up Spanish Fly and punches him in the face. CABOOSE Slowly. Surely. With much confidence, The Lightning Crew will destroy Colombian Heat and his team, and prove to them that they are superior at long last! Look at Mr. Boricua! Dissecting the opponent. Wearing him down until Spanish Fly has no hopes of surviving! Mr. B tags in Tha Puerto Rican again. PRL picks up where Mr. Boricua left off, punching Spanish Fly in the face. PRL does a snapmare takeover on Spanish Fly, and then applies a chinlock on him. Earl Hebner checks on Spanish Fly, to see if he quits. The crowd claps in unison, rooting for the small man 100%! Spanish Fly waves his hands all over his body, trying to get the crowd to cheer him louder. COLE Spanish Fly needs to make a tag, and he needs to do it now! COACH And PRL needs to make sure that Spanish Fly gives up, and he needs to do it now! The crowd gets louder as Fly gets to his knees. Fly gets on one knee, and then both, and then elbows Tha Puerto Rican in the stomach. He does this several times, and then punches Puerto in the face! Puerto punches him back. The two men engage in a slugfest, going back and forth. Fly gains control, giving Puerto a combination of chops and punches. Fly bounces off the ropes, BUT, Tha Puerto Rican has also bounced off the ropes, and he meets Spanish Fly with a double clothesline! COACH Yes! PRL and Spanish Fly both lay on the mat, fatigued. The crowd is buzzing, wondering what is going to happen next. Earl Hebner starts his 10 count. At 2, PRL and Spanish Fly start showing signs of life. 3… PRL crawls around 4… Spanish Fly crawls around. 5… PRL gets up. 6… Spanish Fly crawls over to his corner. 7… Tha Puerto Rican crawls over to his corner. 8… PRL reaches out for the tag. 9… Spanish Fly tags in Colombian Heat! Tha Puerto Rican tags in Mr. Boricua! COLE Hot tag to Colombian Heat! Mr. Boricua charges forward, but is met with punches from Colombian Heat! Punch. Punch. Punch. DANCE~! Punch! Mr. Boricua doesn’t go down! COLE The Shake, Rattle, & Roll didn’t work on Mr. Boricua. Colombian Heat is puzzled, but he quickly goes back to work. Colombian Heat bounces off the ropes, and hits Boricua with a leg lariat! Mr. Boricua stumbles, but does not fall! Heat gets frustrated, so he bounces off the ropes again. Mr. Boricua goes for a clothesline, but Heat ducks the clothesline, grabs Mr. B from behind, and hits him with The Bong Hit (The Stroke)! COLE The Bong Hit! A big time move from Colombian Heat! CH runs over to The Lightning Crew corner and knocks out Tha Puerto Rican with one punch! Heat then climbs the top rope. The crowd buzzes in anticipation of what he’s going to do. COLE Colombian Heat is gonna fly now! CABOOSE Oh no! Move! Move Mr. Boricua! MOVE! With Mr. Boricua lying flat on his back in the center of the ring, Colombian Heat decides that there’s no better time than now to get on the top rope… AND LEAP OFF WITH THE FATAL MISTAKE (Lo Down Frog Splash)! COLE The Fatal Mistake! Colombian Heat just gave Mr. Boricua a Frog Splash from the top! Colombian Heat covers Mr. Boricua, hooking his right leg. 1… 2… 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CABOOSE WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?!?!?! COLE Colombian Heat has pinned Mr. Boricua! Mr. Boricua is GONE! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 7th Elimination: Mr. Boricua (32:08) Eliminated By: Colombian Heat (via pinfall) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Boricua…HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! COLE PRL is now at a disadvantage! This has turned into a Handicap Match! If either Spanish Fly or Colombian Heat pin Tha Puerto Rican, then the match is over! Colombian Heat gets up and celebrates his win. However, Tha Puerto Rican clotheslines Colombian Heat from behind! COLE And now Tha Puerto Rican with a cheapshot! COACH Good job! Colombian Heat rolls over to his corner, where Spanish Fly slaps him on the back to get the blind tag. Fly is on offense right away, giving PRL several knife-edged chops taking him to a neutral corner. *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” SF whips PRL into the opposite turnbuckle—NO—PRL reverses. However, Fly leaps onto the second turnbuckle and flies off it, hitting PRL with a crossbody block! BUT WAIT! PRL rolls through, and covers Spanish Fly! 1… 2… 3—TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! PRL knees Fly in the gut. He puts his head down, so Spanish Fly BACKFLIPS OVER IT (!), and then goes for a spinning heel kick. PRL ducks the spinning heel kick, grabs Fly by the legs and does a double leg takedown on him! PRL then puts his right leg in between Fly’s legs, but can’t cross Fly’s legs over his to complete the Sharpshooter. Fly fights off the Sharpshooter attempt by kicking him in the face! COLE Well so much for that. Puerto goes back to work, kicking Spanish Fly in the face (or mask). Puerto climbs the second turnbuckle, and when the time is right, he launches off the second rope with a double axehandle! *BAM!* Spanish Fly punches PRL in the stomach on the way down, causing him to do a Curt Henning like oversell of the move! COACH Ouch! COLE That could be internal injuries for PRL right there! COACH Would that make you happy? Spanish Fly does a standing moonsault onto PRL…but he meets the knees of PRL. COACH That could be internal injuries for Spanish Fly right there! COLE I’m sure that would make you happy. COACH Absolutely. Spanish Fly clutches his stomach in pain. Tha Puerto Rican seizes the opportunity, covering Spanish Fly! 1…2…. KICK OUT! COLE It’s not the end for Spanish Fly! “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican gets up first, and picks up Spanish Fly by his mask. COLE You can bet that PRL wants some revenge against Spanish Fly for beating him 4 weeks ago. Because of Fly, all of The Lightning Crew members, except for Vitamin X, are banned from ringside during PRL’s 24/7 Title defense against Colombian Heat this Sunday at Anglepalooza! Puerto Rican sits Spanish Fly on the top rope. Puerto chops Spanish Fly across the chest several times. He gets on the second rope, places Fly in a facelock. However, Spanish Fly starts punching PRL! PRL tries to fight back, but Fly is able to knock him off the second rope to the mat! SF stands on the top rope, the crowd anxiously awaiting his next move. PRL gets to a vertical base…and walks right into a missile dropkick from Spanish Fly! COLE Fly takes down Tha Puerto Rican! Fly covers PRL. ONE! TWO! KICK OUT!!! COLE Oh that was close! That was a close near fall! CABOOSE PRL is one three count away from losing this match! He can’t let that happen! He just can’t! Spanish Fly picks PRL up and chops him across the chest. He chops him across the chest again, which sends him to the ropes. SF Irish whips PRL into the ropes—PRL reverses. PR puts his head down while Spanish Fly bounces off the ropes. Fly does a sunset flip over PRL! But he is unable to bring him down! He keeps trying, but Tha Puerto Rican sits on Spanish Fly’s face! He hooks the legs! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! COLE And Tha Puerto Rican beats Spanish Fly! CABOOSE Woo-hoo! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 8th Elimination: Spanish Fly (35:10) Eliminated By: “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican (via pinfall) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, Spanish Fly…HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! Spanish Fly is shocked that he was pinned. Earl Hebner tells him that he has to leave the ring. Fly argues with the ref, but finally leaves the ring. COLE And now it’s down to Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat, the two men who will collide for the OAOAST 24/7 Championship this Sunday at Anglepalooza! PRL gets up just as Colombian Heat enters the ring. The crowd is hot, cheering Colombian Heat on as he slugs it out with Tha Puerto Rican. COLE We’re seeing a preview of the 24/7 Title Match that will happen three days from now at Anglepalooza! PRL gains the advantage, and Irish whips Colombian Heat into the ropes. Heat reverses, and punches PRL in the face. He punches him in the face again. And again! Colombian Heat DANCES~! And then punches PRL in the face, knocking him down! COLE Shake, Rattle, & Roll from Colombian Heat to Tha Puerto Rican! Colombian Heat bounces off the ropes, does a SHIMMY~!, and then drops a knee onto the face of Tha Puerto Rican! Heat covers PRL. He gets a two count. CABOOSE Did he really think that a freaking KNEEDROP would end the match? COLE Well, with how long PRL has been fighting, you never know. CABOOSE Bah! PRL can fight 40 minutes, 60 minutes, 120 minutes, and STILL end up winning! That’s how great he is! Colombian Heat and PRL are both feeling the effects of the match. Heat gets up first, and goes to pick up PRL. Just then, PR grabs Earl Hebner by his referee shirt and pulls him in front of him. With Earl Hebner’s back turned, Tha Puerto Rican proceeds to kick Colombian Heat squared in the balls! COACH Good thinking champ! COLE Colombian Heat is hurt from that low blow! CABOOSE Hey, whatever it takes to win the match! PRL plays innocent, claiming he isn’t the reason why Colombian Heat is grabbing his package. Earl Hebner buys it, seeing as how he is a referee after all. PRL laughs evilly as he walks over to Colombian Heat, flips him off, and… KICK WHAM CORPORATE NIGHTMARE! NO! Colombian Heat grabs PR’s right foot! He flips him off, turns him around… KICK WHAM CORPORATE NIGHTMARE!!! COLE Colombian Heat just gave Tha Puerto Rican the Corporate Nightmare! Colombian Heat just gave PRL his own finishing move! CABOOSE That BASTARD! HOW DARE HE! The crowd goes wild! Colombian Heat clutches his stomach, a painful expression on his face. PRL lies on the mat, his eyes glazed over. The crowd chants, “HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT!” But the chants soon disappear, when they notice The Official Referee of The Lightning Crew, Thomas Rodriguez, is running down the entrance ramp. Meanwhile, Colombian Heat crawls over to PRL to stop Earl Hebner from administering the 10 count. COLE Both men are out of it! Colombian Heat covers Tha Puerto Rican, hooking his left leg. Earl Hebner counts. 1… 2… 2 ½ 2.999999999999999999999999999 THOMAS RODRIGUEZ PULLS EARL HEBNER OUT OF THE RING! Thomas then shocks everyone by PUNCHING Earl Hebner, knocking him out! Even Thomas can’t believe what he just did. THOMAS RODRIGUEZ Did I do that? COLE Damnit! That damn Lightning Crew referee Thomas Rodriguez! That scrawny little rat bastard just prevented Colombian Heat from pinning PRL! CABOOSE Well how do you know that Colombian Heat was going to pin him anyway? COLE Why else would Thomas Rodriguez stop the count? CABOOSE Because he hates Colombian Heat as much as PRL? COLE Oh come on! Thomas gulps, and then enters the ring. He watches Colombian Heat get up, shaking nervously. Heat locks eyes with Thomas, and moves closer towards him, causing the cowardly referee to wet his pants. THOMAS RODRIGUEZ You—you—you can’t do anything to me. I’m an OAOAST referee. I’m an official OAOAST referee! You can’t touch me! COLE Thomas Rodriguez is trying to instill law and order inside the ring! CABOOSE Heh. Good luck, Thomas! The crowd waits for Colombian Heat to do something to Thomas. And Heat does not disappoint, as he kicks Thomas Rodriguez in the stomach, hooks his arms, turns him around, lifts him up…and drops him down with the Colombian Necktie! COLE The Colombian Necktie! Colombian Heat has just given the Colombian Necktie to Thomas Rodriguez! Thomas Rodriguez lies on the mat out cold. The crowd cheers loudly. Heat taunts the unconscious Thomas, doing the “You can’t see me!” hand gesture in the process! CABOOSE Thomas Rodriguez is an OAOAST official! COLE He’s also a member of The Lightning Crew! CABOOSE What difference does it make? COLE It makes plenty! Tha Puerto Rican slowly gets up. Heat is still taunting Thomas. P.R. gets to a vertical base, and waits for Colombian Heat to turn around. KICK WHAM CORPORATE NIGHTMARE!!! CABOOSE He got it! It’s over! The crowd boos. Colombian Heat is on the mat, knocked out. Thomas Rodriguez is also knocked out. As is Earl Hebner. But PRL doesn’t notice this as he crawls over to Colombian Heat and covers him. CABOOSE COVER HIM! COVER HIM! COLE But the referee is knocked out! CABOOSE DON’T COVER HIM! WAKE UP THE REFEREE! WAKE UP THE REFEREE! Puerto finally realizes there are no referees that can make the count, so he wakes Earl Hebner up by slapping him in the face repeatedly. Hebner starts to come to. PRL picks Earl Hebner up. Meanwhile, Colombian Heat is slowly getting up. COLE We said that there would be no commercial interruption, and we were right! You’re seeing everything live as it happens, and right now, referee Earl Hebner is just coming to, and Colombian Heat is just getting up! COACH I have a bad feeling about this. CABOOSE As do I. Colombian Heat uses the ropes to help him up. PRL is dusting Earl Hebner off, fixing his referee shirt. CABOOSE Uh…PRL. I think you should look behind you. The crowd senses what is coming up next and cheers. Colombian Heat is on his feet. Despite the fact that he is sweating and breathing hard, Heat still manages to sport a smile on his face. CABOOSE BEHIND YOU! BEHIND YOU! PRL gives Earl Hebner the thumbs up. Earl Hebner nods, not having any real idea what is going on. “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican turns around… Colombian Heat kicks PRL in the stomach! He hooks PRL’s arms! He turns him around! Colombian Heat lifts Tha Puerto Rican up in the air causing the crowd to cheer! Colombian Heat drops Tha Puerto Rican to the mat with the COLOMBIAN NECKTIE! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!” COLE Colombian Necktie! The Colombian Necktie! The crowd goes bonkers! Colombian Heat covers “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican. Earl Hebner counts. The crowd counts along. 1… 2… 2 ½ 2.999999999999999999 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!” *DING DING DING* (42:36) COLE It’s over! The match is over! Colombian Heat is the sole survivor! CABOOSE AW DAMNIT! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 9th Elimination: “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican (42:36) Eliminated By: Colombian Heat (via pinfall) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican…HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! Therefore, the survivor of this match, COLOMBIAN HEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!! “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing. Colombian Heat breathes a sigh of relief; the longest match of his entire career has finally ended. Heat gets his hands raised by Earl Hebner, who still has no idea what the hell is going on. Tha Puerto Rican lies in the center of the ring out cold. COLE For 40 minutes, The Lightning Crew did battle with Colombian Heat’s makeshift team of superstars, and in the end, it was Colombian Heat who was the last man standing! CABOOSE This is making me sick! Colombian Heat cheated to beat PRL! He cheated to beat him! You saw how he used the referee as a distraction! He and Hebner must have planned this all out! That’s the only explanation! COLE That’s ridiculous! You just can’t stand the fact that Colombian Heat pinned Tha Puerto Rican! CABOOSE You’re right! I can’t! Heat uses the ropes to get up. He rests his face on the top rope, and then smiles at the crowd as “Gasolina (Remix)” continues playing. Heat pounds his chest and says, “I love you guys.” to the crowd. CH does Eddie Guerrero’s “shimmy dance” to get the crowd more fired up then they already are! COLE Colombian Heat has now pinned PRL two times in the past two months! Will he pin him for a third time this Sunday at Anglepalooza? CABOOSE Aw no! That’s not going to happen! Colombian Heat may have gotten lucky twice, but he won’t get lucky a third time! This Sunday at Anglepalooza, Colombian Heat WILL LOSE! CH exits the ring and goes to the timekeeper’s table. He grabs PRL’s custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt, and brings it into the ring. COACH Oh no! He’s going to break the belt! Heat looks at his reflection on the belt. He spins the belt plate once. Heat places the belt across the chest of Tha Puerto Rican. The crowd cheers. CABOOSE Tha Puerto Rican will extinguish the Heat on Sunday! He said so earlier tonight. He will be the one that extinguishes the Heat forever! COLE Well, Colombian Heat has beaten Tha Puerto Rican three days before Anglepalooza! He has the momentum going into the pay-per-view! Will he be able to capitalize on it? COACH No he won’t. He’s going to choke on Sunday! Mark my words: COLOMBIAN HEAT WILL CHOKE ON SUNDAY! Colombian Heat gets on the turnbuckles and throws up the WESTSIIIIIIIIDE hand signal. Heat bobs his head to his entrance theme with a cocky smirk on his face. COLE Is time winding down on Tha Puerto Rican’s 24/7 Title reign? Will Colombian Heat be able to do what no one else has been able to, and dethrone Tha Puerto Rican, ending his 9-month 24/7 Title reign? We are just 72 hours away from “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican facing Colombian Heat for the 24/7 Title! Find out who will win this Sunday at 8:00 pm EST/5:00 pm PST at Anglepalooza! Folks, that’s all for this week’s HeldDOWN~!. For Jonathon “The Coach” Coachman and Caboose, I’m Michael Cole saying good night! And we’ll see you at Anglepalooza! Colombian Heat is still in the ring celebrating. He is alone since Earl Hebner left, and The Lightning Crew took Thomas Rodriguez and Tha Puerto Rican to the back. Heat does Eddie Guerrero’s “shimmy dance” again. He does the “I-want-the-belt” gesture. He smiles at the camera as “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull continues playing. This is the last image we see before we fade out. Fade to black AnglePalooza trailer Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted January 27, 2006 COLE Oh, hey, the imaginary storm has stopped! And our cameras work again. COACH OH RLY! COLE YA RLY! COACH Let's hope nobody's left already then... COLE Amongst the huge card this Sunday night, the Women's Division of the OAOAST will once again be featured prominently. Of course, the big grudge match between Crystal and Jenny Adams will take centre stage and there'll also be a clash of the female titans in the form of Brodie Lewis and Julie "The Shark" Sharcor. And in addition, the Women's Title will be on the line and chaos is sure to reign in a Six Way Scramble Match. The long-reigning Champion Ashley Street faces what may very well be her toughest test to date, as she finds herself up against El Chica Genérico, Serena Blackmore, "Floggin'" Molly Matthews, Constance of the Minnesota Angels and the woman who managed to defeat her just a few weeks ago in Confusia! CABOOSE No doubt her toughest test. It's hard enough to defend your title against one person in a regular match, with fixed rules. But five opponents and Scramble Rules? I don't care how tough Ashley is or isn't, those are tough, tough odds to overcome. COLE Well, tonight we've got a preview of AnglePalooza. On Sunday night, it'll be every woman for themselves obviously. But tonight, it's 6 Woman Tag action, meaning we've got two teams of three who will in theory get along. Remember, that's just a theory. "ANY WAY YOU WANT IT! THAT'S THE WAY YOU NEED IT! ANY WAY YOU WANT IT!" The crowd go wild as "Anyway You Want It" by Rise Against hits...and team number one makes their way through the entrance way, as just that, a team. Ashley Street leads the way with the Women's Championship proudly over her shoulder. Behind her, the dueling wackiness of El Chica Genérico and Molly Matthews backs her up. BUFFER The following 6 Woman Tag Team Match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, team number one...consisting of, "FLOGGIN'" MOLLY MATTHEWS, EL CHICA GENÉRICO and the OAOAST World Women's Champion, ASHLEY STREEEEEEEEEET!!! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" The trio jog down to the ring, all slapping the hands of the fans merrily on the way. Molly does a full circuit of the ring, while Genérico rolls straight in and gives the crowd a mighty "OLÉ!". Ashley is noticeable...well, sane, compared to her partners and watches on with a smirk as she enters the ring. Having her finished her handslappery, Molly joins her partners by climbing to the top and backflipping into the ring. COLE This trio at least seem to be on the same page. I'm not sure how well their opponents can or will work together though. The three females in the ring chat away happily. They're interrupted though by "Bloody Murderer" by Cursive and the mysterious figure of Confusia. Crawling on her knees across the stage, Confusia stares blankly into space...before suddenly coming to life, jumping up and babbling to herself like a madwoman as she strides down the aisle. BUFFER And, their opponents! First, from 'The Middle Of Nowhere'... CONFUSSSSIIIAAAAA!! As Confusia gets to the end of the ramp she finally looks up into the ring. And even in her confused state, she knows 3 is bigger than 1 and waits outside the ring in her corner. Meanwhile, Lunatic Calm's "Leave You Far Behind [instrumental]" kicks in and Serena Blackmore makes her way moodily out to the ring. BUFFER Hailing from Philidelphia, Pennsylvania... SERENA BLACKMOOORRREEE!! Serena doesn't see the need to associate herself with her partner (not that she'd understand her anyway) and climbs into the ring, showing no fear of the threesome in the ring. Of course, they're a nice threesome so they wouldn't attack anyway. Serena gets some cold glares though, while "Seether" by Veruca Salt hits and the final member of the team makes her way out. BUFFER And, their tag team partner. She hails from St. Paul, Minnesota... CONSTAAAAANCE!! COLE And I guess we can forget all about team unity from these three. Besides the seperate entrances, Serena Blackmore is a born loner. Constance is an experienced tag team wrestler, but only with her regular partner Valerie. And Confusia is...well...she's a little out there. CABOOSE No kidding. Constance joins her team-mates in/around the ring and doesn't bother trying to get the team together, too busy making sure her hair is looking it's finest. As Constance gets around to the corner, Confusia slides into the ring and seems to be ready to start the match. *DINGDINGDING!* Constance has no problems with Confusia starting off, but Serena seems to, trying to tell Confusia to get out of the ring. Unfortunately, Confusia isn't that great at understanding English...or any other non-fictional language for that matter. And all she gets is a blank stare. Conceding, Serena exits to the apron, leaving Confusia to start with El Chica Genérico. COLE Two unorthodox females to start the match off. CABOOSE What is it with the women in this company? These two are wackjobs, Molly Matthews is no better. Jade Rodez is hardly clown college material, let alone academics. Brodie Lewis is a psycho. And don't even get me started on Chicks Over Dicks. Confusia and Genérico slowly move into the centre of the ring ready for a lock-up. For some reason, Confusia decides she'd be aided by licking her palms before going into a collar and elbow tie-up. But it works, somehow, as she quickly slides behind with a hammerlock on Genérico. Confusia uses her weight advantage to lean over Genérico and force her down to her knees. Rolling to the side, Genérico manages to escape though, coming up with Confusia's wrist twisted and using that to apply a top wristlock. Confusia sweeps out Genérico's leg in an attempted counter, but Genérico clings onto the arm, causing an armdrag variation and sending Confusia tumbling forwards. She rolls through the impact somewhat, but then charges in blindly and takes a traditional armdrag into a traditional armbar on the mat. REFEREE Do you wanna give up Confusia!?! CONFUSIA WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! ... ...NO! COLE Confusia is...a little slow. Confusia pushes herself to her feet and escapes Genérico's armbar the old fashioned way...an eyerake! The referee warns Confusia, but she either doesn't hear or understand as she brushes past the referee and goes on the attack on Genérico. A big right hand staggers Genérico into the ropes, followed with a knee buried deep into the gut. Confusia then whips Genérico across the ring, hitting the ropes herself and looking to cut Genérico off on her return. Seeing her opponent coming early, Genérico hooks her arms around the top rope and stops herself...then raises a boot, which the maniacal Confusia charges straight into! Turning to the ropes, Genérico then vaults to the middle cable and tumbles over Confusia with a sunset flip... 1... 2... Confusia rolls through, stacking Genérico on her shoulders in a pin...and RAISING THE ROOF~!, for some inexplicable reason... 1... 2... Easy kickout for Genérico. But as she begins to get back up, Confusia traps her in a side headlock. COACH That was the best pin ever. COLE Hardly. Instead of using her arms for leverage or to put more weight on Genérico's shoulders or anything at all this side of sanity that might actually win a match, she does that. It was a dumb move. COACH Yeah, but it was also DY-NO-MIIIITE!! CABOOSE Why am I not surprised that YOU would approve of it? Confusia drags Genérico around with the headlock. Turning her back sneakily from the referee, Confusia sticks her thumb into her mouth and applies some lubrication before jamming the thumb right into Genérico's throat! What the lubrication was for, I don't know. But the thumb in the throat does leave Genérico on her knees gasping for breath. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Pulling Genérico back up, Confusia sends her into the corner with an irish whip. The crazy female then follows in with a big clothesline, crushing Genérico's 121 pounds like a bug! Genérico falls out of the corner and into Confusia's arms, Confusia executing a surprisingly crisp Side Belly to Belly Suplex. With her team in control, Constance now extends a hand and requests a tag. Confusia takes no notice though, instead climbing to the middle rope and holding her hands out to the side... CONFUSIA BIG VAN VADAAAAAHHHHHH!! ...NOBODY HOME! Genérico rolls out of the way of the big splash and Confusia belly-flops into the mat! COLE Ooh, big miss from Confusia. Maybe if she actually weighed as much as Vader, she'd have got to Genérico a little quicker. CABOOSE If she weighed as much as Vader, we'd have a hole in the ring right now. As Confusia lays groaning on the mat, Genérico crawls over to her corner and dives to tag in Molly Matthews! Molly hops into the ring and takes a moment to wave to a section of the crowd who pop for her arrival into the match, before helping Confusia to her feet. Taking her by the arm, Molly sends Confusia into the corner and follows in with a Monkey Flip that sends Confusia crashing into the centre of the ring! Confusia gets right back up, mumbling in incoherent pain and holding her back. Hitting the ropes in front, Molly charges and ducks underneath a wild swing from Confusia. Molly then comes off the opposite ropes and dives at Confusia with a crossbody. Confusia manages to catch Molly in her arms. But she then gets too over-confident, laughing in typically weird manner before throwing Molly's legs out, only for Molly to swing herself around holding Confusia's arm and taking her over with a typically wacky Lucha-style armdrag! COLE There's that unorthodox style of Molly Matthews...who's pretty unorthodox in many ways. But no doubt, she's got a lot of talent. Confusia is confused, more so than usual. Scrambling to her feet she takes a moment to gain her bearings before finding Molly and charging with a completely telegraphed clothesline. Molly rolls underneath the arm and waits as Confusia rebounds. Once Confusia comes back, Molly leaps up in preparation for a leapfrog. Confusia reads the move however, catching Molly in her arms and spinning 180 degress with an Anderson Spinebuster!! CONFUSIA BETTA DAN HOFF'S!!!!! COACH OMG! COLE Wow, Confusia throwing out the zinger! Instead of going for the pin, Confusia finally stalks over to her corner and lets Constance tag herself in...only for Serena Blackmore to intercept, slapping Confusia on the shoulder and entering the ring herself. CABOOSE You're right Michael, there's no cohesion there at all on that team. Serena storms in and picks her old adversary Molly Matthews up, before slamming her with a forearm strike. And another. Molly's jaw and head snap back on each shot and leave her dazed, enough for Serena to get a quick back step on a short clothesline. Somehow, Molly manages to duck it though, hooking herself onto Serena's arm and spinning herself around into a crucifix position. Serena holds out from being taken over, so Molly releases with her hands, twisting around and taking Serena over with a sunset flip... 1... 2... Kickout! Both women roll through and to their feet, Serena attacking first with a knee to the gut. Just to make sure, she lands a couple more knees. Serena then hooks on a front facelock and sets Molly up for a suplex. Elevating The Floggin' One though, Serena stops short of falling back with the move and instead drops to her knees planting Molly face-first with a Gordbuster! Cover from Blackmore... 1... 2... NO!! COLE Shoulder up from Molly. CABOOSE But we saw exactly where that got Jade Rodez. She kept kicking out, so Serena headbutted her brains in and choked her out. She's a dangerous woman. COLE She's unstable, that's what she is. Serena pulls Molly to her feet, rocking her with another forearm strike. Struggling to keep her footing Molly stumbles backwards, wandering towards her corner. Serena stops her from getting a tag though, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her back into the centre of the ring. Another forearms connects and Molly now falls to one knee. Without hesitation, Serena hits the ropes and steps off of Molly's knee with the Shining Enziguri...DUCKED! Serena slams the mat in frustration on the way back up. But in doing so, she loses her focus, allowing Molly to spring off her feet with a majestic Dropsault that lands perfectly across the BUTT of Serena's jaw!! "ASH - LEY!" "ASH - LEY!" "ASH - LEY!" "ASH - LEY!" The crowd get behind Molly and will her to tag in the Champion. She's slow to her feet though, Serena reaching her feet first despite the Dropsault. Serena is dazed though, stumbling backwards...and allowing Constance to tag herself in! Constance steps past Serena, a cocky smile on her face as she measures Molly for a forearm strike. But suddenly, as she swings forward, Serena grabs her by the arm and stops her! COLE Uh-oh! There's discenssion in the ranks! Serena and Constance square up and it looks like it's all set to break down. In the midst of the confusion meanwhile, Confusia steps into the ring and mows down Molly Matthews with a stiff clothesline! Trouble is, that draws in Ashley Street, running through Confusia with a running elbow strike and then charging Constance into Serena, causing them to clock heads! Serena falls to the outside, Constance sent flying out moments after her as El Chica Genérico now enters the ring and all hell has well and truly broken loose. Standing in the centre of the ring, Genérico gets the crowd behind her with some good ol' rhythmic clapping. Serena and Constance pull themselves up on the floor and get back into their previous arguement, distracting them from Genérico who charges across the ring and dives through the ropes with a Topé Con Hílo!! "YYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH That's insane! COLE This is what we can expect this Sunday night! It's pure chaos now and this crowd loves it! Genérico, Serena and Constance lay in a heap on the floor. Back in the ring, Ashley pulls Confusia back to her feet and lands a forearm! Another! And a third! Now it's a knee strike to the chest, repeated twice more before Ashley lands another forearm, this one knocking Confusia right off her feet! Confusia, babbling wildly, tries to crawl away. She's stopped by Ashley who steps over Confusia's back and grabs her by the tassles coming out of the back of her mask and holding her in place. *WHAM!* Crossface strike! *WHAM!* Crossface strike! *WHAM!* Crossface strike! *SMACK!* And a front dropkick to the face from Molly Matthews! COLE If that won't make you confused then nothing will. CABOOSE I dunno, that might just have knocked some sense into her. Confusia collapses and starts to twitch beneath Ashley, who signals for Molly to make sure nobody can get into the ring. Ashley then reaches down and drags Confusia up by the mask. Getting the deadweight Confusia onto all four, she places her in a standing headscissors and hoists her up for a powerbomb. Sat on Ashley's shoulders, Confusia looks in desperate trouble. Until that is, she shakes away some cobwebs and sinks her teeth into the forehead of the Women's Champion!! COLE She's biting her! God, what a disgusting tactic! In her pain Ashley drops Confusia and Confusia lands safely, although her biting grip on Ashley is gone. Instead, she lands a Standing Yakuza Kick that knocks Ashley flat out! Ashley goes down. But before Confusia can capitalise, Molly Matthews attacks from behind! Catching Confusia in the back of the head to daze her, Molly then leaps up onto Confusia's back and around her arms, then snaps her over with a Crucifix Driver... 1... 2... KICKOUT! Molly rolls back up and grabs Confusia...but the mysterious female was lying in wait and elevates the unsuspecting Molly up, falling back and dropping her throat first across the top rope with a Hotshot! Molly's head snaps back and she staggers back into the centre of the ring. Waiting with a boot to the gut, Confusia then pulls Molly in. CONFUSIA UNCANNY ILLUSION HAMMAAAAAAAHHHH!! With her opponent still winded, Confusia wastes less time than usual in lifting Molly up. She gets The Floggin' One elevated and begins to spin around the ring, throwing her out in mid-spin and hitting the Uncanny Illusion Hammer (Twirlybird Ace Crusher)!!! Molly settles limply on the canvas and Confusia checks that Ashley is still KOed before hooking a leg on Molly... 1... 2... 3!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Wow, she got her! Confusia got her! "Bloody Murderer" by Cursive strikes up again and Confusia rolls from the ring chuckling to herself, creeping around in a weird sort of kung-fu stance for no particular reason, before suddenly striking a victory pose! El Chica Genérico rolls into the ring just too late, as Confusia celebrates her victory in her own unique way in the aisle. BUFFER Your winners of the match...the team of CONSTANCE, SERENA BLACKMORE and CONFFUUUUSSSIIIIAAAAA!! COLE Confusia scores another big win and she has ALL the momentum going into AnglePalooza! A victory in non-title action over the Champion and now, a victory to her name over Molly Matthews! CABOOSE I don't know where Confusia's finding this new talent for winning, but she's sure doing it at the right time, huh? COLE Well, this has to bode badly for Ashley Street. Confusia is on a role and this Sunday, it's Six Way Scramble. The odds will be stacked against the Women's Champion and it may be one step too far for Clarksville, Indiana's hometown girl! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
