Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 7, 2007 THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD I've actually forgotten what Party Like a Rockstar even sounds like. I'd solicit suggestions for a new theme song, but some of ya'll seem like you haven't turned on a radio since 2003. Regardless the opening video causes seizures and elliptic fits to children across the globe, before the triumphantly still image of the logo flashes onto screen. FEMALE VOICE OVER And now, courtesy of Budweiser Select, and The OAOAST it is time for HeldDOWN! Into the arena we go, where the double C announce team sits in front of a legion of overly enthused fans, all mugging for their thirty seconds of camera time. COLE Folks, welcome to another exciting edition of the number one sports entertainment show in the world, OAOAST HeldDOWN! Thank you for welcoming us into your homes, I'm Michael Cole, sitting by side with Johnathan Coachman. And, Coach as you may or may not have heard Landon Maddix retained his world championship at Angleslam. COACH What do you mean as I may or may not have heard it? I was there, dumbass! Yes, Landon retained but not without controversy. I know Landon will be here to celebrate his hard fought victory, but I don't imagine he'll get very far with Zack Malibu and PRL in the same building. We may be looking at some fireworks here in Pennsylvania! COLE Also on tap tonight, The Love Doctors look to pull off a huge upset when they face Chicks Over Dicks for the One and Only World Tag Team Titles, and we'll hear from Theodore Moneymaker as well. All this and more when OAOAST HeldDOWN returns! COMMERCIAL BREAK (Commercial right after the show begins? I'm ruthless like that) Medal hits, bringing Anglesault out to officially begin the show. COLE And here comes the boss to kick things off! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the OAOAST's Chairman of the Board...ANGLESAULT!!!!! AS walks to the ring in a stylish business suit, shaking hands with some fans along the way. COACH You can bet there's going to be some big announcements tonight stemming from AngleSlam! AS steps through the ropes and grabs the mic from Buffer. ANGLESAULT Ladies and gentlemen, I've got some big announcements to make! *crowd cheers* ANGLESAULT As you know if you watched AngleSlam last Sunday, it was a monumental event! There was lots of big changes on the OAOAST landscape, including the crowning of a BRAND NEW World champion! *mixed reaction* ANGLESAULT And that's one of the things I was wanting to address...so let's bring him out here, the NEW WDW World champion, REJECT! Renegade hits, and the crowd boos as the Burrough Boys make their way through the curtains, stylishly dressed for the occasion. COLE Well, there's his buddies, the Burrough Boys! COACH Arriving in style, I might add! Luther is attired in an all-black suit outfit with a yellow tie, Mariano in a sand-colored suit, while Waldo and Quincy are sporting green and purple plaid suits, respectively. They stand two men on each side of the entryway, and Reject walks out, in a traditional black suit with a white shirt and red tie. He holds the WDW belt on his right shoulder as he walks through the Boys, and they then follow him to the ring. COLE Quite a grand entrance for Reject, who 11 days ago at AngleSlam, became a World champion for the first time in his career! Reject steps through the ropes, and shakes hands with AS, who hands him the mike. REJECT Doesn't that sound GREAT, Pittsburgh! *crowd boos* REJECT Finally, a world championship announcement that can make us all feel good! *crowd boos* REJECT I know I feel good...I've been on an emotional high for 11 days now. Because no one thought I could ever actually be a World champion. But I proved, that even the most unexpected results can take place! Maybe now that I've accomplished this, it will inspire a whole new breed of unlikely champions! Maybe even...*pauses*...nah, I won't go that far... Waldo grabs the mic in his hands. WALDO Maybe even the Pittsburgh Pirates can be champions! Haha! *crowd boos* REJECT Boy, I'm glad you said that, because I tried, and I almost broke into fits of laughter right here in front of this crowd! They say the biggest dreams do come true, but THAT would take a miracle! *crowd boos* REJECT But until that miracle somehow occures, you can all take solace in the fact that the city of Pittsburgh, got the very first glimpse of yours truly, Reject, as a World champion. *crowd boos, as Reject hands the mic back to Anglesault.* ANGLESAULT You know, a few months ago, when Axel sold WDW to me, it was a happy day. But today is an even happier day, because the one thing left of that company, was Alfdogg, and his almost 3-year reign with that belt. And now, without that, we can all say that WDW is officially DEAD! *mixed reaction* ANGLESAULT Which means, Reject, that from this day forth, you will no longer be known as WDW World champion. COACH What? ANGLESAULT From this day forward, the belt held by Reject will be known as the OAOAST International World championship! *crowd cheers* COLE Wow! ANGLESAULT And as the OAOAST International World champion, Reject, you have a big responsibility. Whereas Landon Maddix takes most of his title defenses here in the States, you, Reject, will have a big responsibility in defending your title around the rest of the world. And whether that means defending it in Australia, or Japan, or Sweden, or wherever it may be...you will be a big representative of our overseas product. *crowd cheers* ANGLESAULT But that doesn't mean you will never defend your title here in the states...in fact, you'll be doing that right here next week, against your former tag team partner, Thunderkid! *crowd roars* COLE Oh my! What a match signed for next week on HeldDOWN~! ANGLESAULT Now then, I want to bring out another man who established himself as a great champion at AngleSlam...that being the OAOAST Heartland champion, "After Hours" Felix Strutter! Je t'adore, je t'adore... The lights go out, and Strutter walks through the pink light in the entryway, wearing the OAOAST Heartland belt. COLE And Anglesault is exactly right, what a match that was between Strutter and Thunderkid at AngleSlam! Strutter steps through the ropes, and stands in the corner waiting for AS to speak. ANGLESAULT Oh, man, I got a BIG announcement for you. *crowd cheers* ANGLESAULT You know, Felix Strutter just may be the fastest rising star in the OAOAST. It was just at this time last year, nobody knew who this guy was. He was just some Canadian who won a tag team tournament. But since he's joined the Heartland ranks...he's done it all. He's fought with ladders, he's fought with cages, with kendo sticks, with chairs, with barbed wire, even with CACTUSES, for crying out loud. He's done everything, and he is more than worthy of the title of Heartland champion. *crowd boos, as Strutter smiles and nods in approval.* ANGLESAULT ...welll, almost everything. Strutter looks confused. COACH What else could there be? ANGLESAULT You see, there is one environment that Felix Strutter has never fought in. COLE What? ANGLESAULT Felix has never fought in a 20-foot high chamber... *crowd starts to cheer* ANGLESAULT Which is surrounded in barbed wire... *crowd gets louder* COLE Uh-oh... ANGLESAULT Against FIVE of the toughest people in the world... COACH I know where this is headed, I think! The crowd is still getting louder, as Strutter seems to be getting more nervous with each sentence fragment. ANGLESAULT With all of the most gruesome weapons in the world! *crowd cheers* ANGLESAULT I think you all know what match we're talking about! At Zero Hour, Felix Strutter will defend the OAOAST Heartland title in the Third edition, of the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell! *crowd EXPLODES* COLE WOW! We've got our first match booked for Zero Hour, and this is a real bombshell! ANGLESAULT Now, I'm going to name four of your five opponents next week, and you'll be facing one of those four men in a match! So I hope you're ready! Medal hits, as Felix Strutter looks very nervous in the ring. COLE What an announcement for Zero Hour, we're going to see the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell! I don't know if Felix Strutter is ready for this! Folks, there's still more to come after these commercial messages. COMMERCIAL BREAK The OAOAST Event Tracker is brought to you by Gillete-The Best a Man Can Get September 13 - Dayton, OH (SOLD OUT) September 20 - Louisville, KY (SOLD OUT) September 27 - Nashville, TN (NOT SOLD OUT GET CANCER AND DIE NASHVILLE!) September 30 (Zero Hour) - Memphis, TN (SOLD OUT) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 7, 2007 And now, Theodore Moneymaker’s Enterprise presents OAOAST BACKTRACKER! Dr. Steven Pigley places Uno in a bear hug as Dr. Max performs a TOP ROPE SEATED SENTON that brings the fans out of their seats! COLE Guerney To The Center Of The Earth! That'll do it! ONE... TWO... THREE!!! "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are your winners...THE LOVE DOCTORS! Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad-- Debt problem apparently, as the Enterprise personal debt collector, the Certified Public Ass-kicker himself, CPA blindsides Dr. Max with a MASSIVE CLOTHESLINE, which he follows with a jaw shattering BIG BOOT to Dr. Steven! COACH I take back what I said earlier, Cole. This is much worse than a malpractice suit. COLE What did The Love Doctors do to deserve this? “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The man who financed the operation, THEODORE MONEYMAKER, scrolls to the ring with a wide grin on his face. From the apron he watches as CPA gives Doctors Max and Steven a FRONT SPINEBUSTER and DOMINATOR, respectively. * DINGDINGDINGDINGDING * COLE Come on, damnit! Somebody’s gotta go in there and stop this! COACH I don’t blame the officials for not wanting to get involved. Not when you have CPA standing there waiting. Moneymaker approaches The Love Doctors and stuffs a $100...NO, he thinks better of it and COVERS THEIR EYES with a pair of NICKELS and DIMES, and then SLAPS them with a HEAVY WAD OF CASH! MONEYMAKER COLE Despicable! Upon the video’s conclusion, we head backstage to our 18-34 demo magnet Maggie Nerdly with Theodore Moneymaker and his burly bodyguard CPA inside the Enterprise’s private skybox. MAGGIE Theodore Moneymaker, because of the actions of the man standing next to you last week, OAOAST officials have signed for Zero Hour a match pitting yourself and Christian Wright versus the Love Doctors! THEODORE MAGGIE And judging from your behavior, you have little remorse for what happened one week ago. THEODORE The Love Doctors learned a cruel fact of life, blondie, and that’s when you don’t get the job done you don’t get paid! In the biggest reveal not even Hollywood could script, Max Anderson and Steven Pigley were the mark doctors who had the simple task of faxing the note to Anglesault’s office stating myself and CW weren’t medically cleared to wrestle on the night we lost the tag team titles due to injuries sustained in a failed assassination attempt earlier in the evening. MAGGIE THEODORE But they had a battle of conscience and reneged on the deal. Worse yet, they used my cash advance to film the video that has COD steamed! So I sent my Certified Public Ass-kicker, CPA, to collect restitution. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MAGGIE You may be laughing now, Theodore Moneymaker, but The Love Doctors could very well have the last laugh should they defeat COD later in the evening and become tag team champions. THEODORE I think my night would be complete if that happened. Imagine the biggest thorns in my Enterprise’s side going down in defeat to the team who badly wants a piece of the former One & Only World tag team champions who just so happen to be at the top of the line for a return shot. Why, you would almost think I had this… MAGGIE (gasps) You’re not saying… THEODORE You got it, sister. It’s all part of the plan. A well crafted plan from the brilliant minds in the Enterprise. HAHAHAHAHA! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to enjoy the rest of the show. Teddy and CPA walk out of camera’s view. MAGGIE The Enterprise, criminal masterminds in every sense of the word. Standing by right now with comments from The Love Doctors… Is this a rib? Ryan Seacrest?! As always, a picture is worth a thousand words. The screen is parted down the middle to show Maggie on the left and, indeed, the “metro-sexual” host of American Idol on the right. RYAN Thanks Mags. Great to be with you on HeldDOWN~! MAGGIE Say, you wouldn’t happen to be here because Leon Rodez expressed his desire to fraternize more with his broadcast colleagues, right? RYAN Seacrest out! Seacrest dashes past The Love Doctors and presumably out of the building, leaving producers to scramble for a new interviewer. Fortunately a man comfortable in front of the camera is nearby, former wrestler and current OAOAST agent TONY BRANNIGAN! “YYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The Love Doctors give the former World Heavyweight Champion his due, bowing in respect as the tag team legend assumes the role of interviewer (for one night only!). TONY Thank you, gentlemen. Now let’s get on to the business at hand, starting with the allegations made by my cousin Theodore Moneymaker. DR. STEVEN We certainly appreciate the opportunity to set the record straight. As everybody knows, Max and I handle a great deal of pro bono cases each year. We believe in giving the people the best care no matter race, creed or sex. However, there’s a heavy cost for that public service and it’s felt in our pocketbooks since we now run Windy City Hospital after Mrs. Anderson, Max’s mom, passed away. In short, money is tight. And it’s no secret whenever you need fast cash Theodore Moneymaker is the man to see. But there’s also a price to be paid for dealing with a person of Moneymaker’s reputation, such as your pride and dignity. Max and I worked too long and hard to flush everything we built down the drain by associating ourselves with Theodore Moneymaker. We’d rather operate in the red than sell out! TONY You might not have sold out, you did put yourselves in debt by spending the money loaned on the idea you’d be participating in Theodore’s operation to produce a promotional video that drew the ire of Chicks Over Dicks, the One & Only World tag team champions, who later on tonight you’ll have to face in the ring! DR. MAX Can you believe that? A shot at the One & Only World tag team championship not because we’re ranked in the Top 10, but over a video?! Hey, we didn’t mean to offend anyone, especially not COD, but come on, we’re simply irresistible. If COD want to take this to a place it should never have gone, fine by us. Those shiny belts they carry around equal big money. Big money that doesn’t require you to sell out to greed. The Love Doctors exit. TONY There you have it straight from the mouths of The Love Doctors themselves. Right now I’m being told you guys at Sofa Central have some company. Take it away because I’m not used to doing this shit. We cut to the famed announce position where Cole and The Coach have been joined by LOS CONQUISTADORS. COACH From one honor and privilege to another! Look who’s here, Cole. COLE What is this, the tag team variety hour? Come on, fellas, we got other guys on the roster too. Having lost their ability to speak English yet again, Uno and Dos rely on pre-written SIGNS to get their message across (think Wily E. Coyote). UNO Conquistadors, angry! DOS UNO Deserve respect. DOS R-E-S-P-E-C-T. UNO Meanest, baddest hombres in el mundo! DOS EL MUNDO! COLE That may be the case where you come from… UNO Racist. COLE …but actions speak louder than words. You haven’t been able to do either in recent weeks. DOS Si, our gringo amigo. Tonight Los Conquistadors change that because we challenge any tag team in OAO… (flips side) …AST to match! COACH Right here? UNO Right now! With that the team affectionately known as America’s Favorite Jobbers march to the ring in their quest for respect to the tune of “Gold Dust Woman”. COLE Who will accept Los Conquistadors’ challenge? We’ll find out after this brief timeout. COMMERCIAL BREAK Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 7, 2007 We return from break as the music dies down. The anticipation builds with each passing second. Then an unfamiliar piece of music begins to play. Turn me up Now I gotta murder da murder ta get away The eyes gotta peer now the fools gotta pay And if they pay then they pay with they life So watch another man try to hold on to his life To the crowd’s surprise and delight, HOLLY-WOOD and MELODY NERDLY emerge to “Another Body Murdered” by Faith No More. LOS CONQUISTADORS COACH You wanna talk about a rib. This is a rib. One female tag team is bad enough, but two? The locker room won’t be a pretty place to be come that time of the month. COLE I cannot believe my eyes. Holly and Melody have accepted the challenge! The more experience of the two, Holly steps inside and signals for the bell. When referee Charles Robinson has the nerve to ask whether Holly and Melody understand the risk involved, the Angel of Death shoots him a death stare, which is enough for him as the bell is sounded. * DINGDINGDING * Within a second after the bell is ranged Holly floors Uno with a hard forearm shiver, then grabs the Wild Chicano by the legs and stomps him dangerously close to below the waist. A woman possessed, Holly knocks Dos off the apron and tags in Melody, who enters firing her imaginary pistols in the air but whose only move is a standing dropkick before handing over the keys of the car back to Holly! “YEAAAAA!” COLE (laughs) Isn’t she precious? COACH Only if you prefer bimbos. And those cowboy boots are made for walking not wrestling. They ought to be banned. Holly beats the piss out of Uno some more, ramming the Wild Chicano into the turnbuckle and then BAAAAACKdrops him across the ring. The Angel of Death’s hidden sadomasochist side then comes to light as she helps Los Conquistadors tag, and hurls Dos inside! She traps the Golden Boy’s head under her arm and hooks a leg, twisting him around in a fishermen’s suplex! COLE Rodeo Driver! ONE… TWO… Holly breaks on her own accord to engage in hand to hand combat with Uno. Melody comes in at Holly’s request and, after whipping him into the ropes, the girls connect on a double dropkick. Under the encouragement of Holly and the fans support, Melody plants Uno with a RUNNING BULLDOG while Dos TAPS OUT TO THE HOLLYWOOD GROOVE!! * DINGDINGDING * COLE Melody and Holly! Melody and Holly! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners…HOLLY-WOOD and MELODY NERDLY! “YEAAAAA!” COACH In what you’d have to call a mild upset, the brand new team of Melody Nerdly and Holly-Wood has just defeated Los Conquistadors! COLE Their win-loss record isn’t the most impressive, I admit, but Los Conquistadors have caused nightmares for teams in the past, namely Los Diablos de Fuego. Everyone remembers the levels they stooped to inflict pain on their enemies with the aid of a barbed wire coal miner’s glove. The girls share a moment…well, Melody does at least…and then Holly calls for a microphone. HOLLY Logan, everywhere you are -- and knowing you it’s probably in a pool of your own vomit after too much to drink -- I hope you hear this loud and clear. The behavior you and Synth displayed at Angleslam has caused me to do something I thought I’d never do. You see, you might be able to have your way with a couple of kids in the Sk8ter Boiz or even a poor incident little girl like Melody, but you damn sure couldn’t handle me! There were times where I could’ve said enough is enough and gave you what you had coming, but I didn’t because I hoped you’d see the light. Well you’re going to see the light all right, but you won’t find peace and tranquility on the other side. No, when you finally break on through you’re going to crash straight into a runaway freight train now that I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands. Earlier today I took the liberty of faxing a match contract to your attorneys. So without further ado, let me introduce you to your opponents at Zero Hour… MELODY Holly-Wood and Melody Nerdly…THE ANGELS OF DEATH~! “YEAAAAA!” COLE What a bombshell. The newly formed Angels of Death vs. the Heavenly Rockers at Zero Hour! COACH I don’t advocate men on women violence, but Sean Connery was right -- sometimes you gotta smack your bitch up when she gets out of control. Logan will finally get the chance to do so and people won’t be able to cry about it. COLE Enough out of you. It’s time to pay the bills. Back with more after this! COMMERCIAL BREAK Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 7, 2007 Backstage we go where Terry Taylor is on the scene with the only team he's allowed to interview, Chicks Over Dicks. While Terry continues to look like a cast member of bum fights, the girls model the latest in trendy fall fashions. Alix wears a ruffled, navy lace embroidered tank top, and a pair of vintage wash jeans with extremely wide legs. Krista wears a low slung strapless camouflage pattern tank Custo Barcelona top, decorated by numerous inklings of rhinestone and frayed patches, and a grey patchwork Monarchy skirt. TERRY TAYLOR Ladies and gentlemen, OAOAST tag team corespondent and king of men, Terry Taylor, backstage with four time OAOAST tag team champions, Chicks Over Dicks. Girls, thank you for joining me.. ALIX And for being your sole reason for your employment! TAYLOR True. Girls, we have a lot to discuss today, so let's hop right to it. Starting with The Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew. Last week in School Daze a documentary film hailed as brilliant and cutting edge by film critics... ALIX Like, do any of those critics share a room with Hannibal Lecter at the Chesapeake State Hospital for the Criminally Insane? TAYLOR Alix, if you'd like to trade smart mouthes then we can trade smart mouthes. Otherwise... KRISTA Shut up, Terry. You couldn't get a smartmouth if you sucked Stephen Hawking's cock. TAYLOR Sorry. Girls, The Wrecking Crew has not only issued you a challenge for your One and Only World Tag Team Titles but has also issued you an invite to become the hoes to their pimps. Thrilled that I won't be on the end of this upcoming verbal dressing down, I ask you, what say you to their offer to be your mac? ALIX Super tantalizing! Best offer I've had all week! Really, Alix? Yes, really, as of yet unamed alter ego, when ya realize Vivid video offered me half a mill to shoot a vid with that eighty year old chick who came out the closet in Newsweek. Like, I can't even remember to kick the freaking Dog out the room, how am I supposed to remember how to reset a pacemaker? I can hardly remember Krissy's stupid little safe word, how do I tell the difference between a stroke and a really killer orgasm? KRISTA As much as I respect pimps, because the majority of them are black, and I have enough lingering white guilt to cripple an entire branch of the KKK, I'm gonna, and as the butch I speak for Ally on this, take a pass on this one. I mean sure there's something appealing about doing our hair like we should be dancing on top of a minivan at a Twisted Sister reunion concert, wearing ten dollar crotchless pleather chaps for six hours on the streets of one of the most crime ridden cities in America, and then giving all our money to Hugey Bear and the bastard love child of Carlito Brigante and one of the Sweathogs from Welcome Back Kotter, all after chewing on the herpes, warts, syphilis, and many yet to be classified STDS infested penis of man with a seventy five percent chance of being a serial killer, but I'm afraid we're going to have to take a raincheck. ALIX Something about having our dismembered, post postmortemly fornicated bodies shoved beneath the aforementioned serial killer's porch with the rest of his unsolved mystries, ain't too hot to us. Maybe its cause I'm claustrophobic, I dunno. I wouldn't mind having my limbless body shoved into the toll shed. Or maybe the pool house. We gonna partaaaaay like its Weekend at Bernie's Two! KRISTA Disturbing! Now, last week, you also happened to pay a visit to my daughter's school. I don't know how you got into the building because I specifically requested my last donation check be used to hire the Westside Mafia Crips as armed guards, not only does it increase security, but also diversity! But anyway, I admire your pursuit of the answers to life's hardest queries, honestly I do. But let me alleviate your fragile minds of the strain that's come from trying to solve this one lifelong mystery...he does in fact, end up liking the green eggs and ham! Now, keep those arms open and willing, because Auntie Krista is about to drop a whole lot more knowledge on ya. If you sucmsucking jerkoffs, ever, ever go within a single lightyear of my precious daughter, if she ever crosses your feeble minds, if the thought of her crossing your mind ever crosses your mind, I will kill you where you stand and there won't be a police dog alive who can sniff hide nor hair of your body. Trust me, my dad is in congress, and my mom's sleeping with a senator, I can make it happen. Don't think I won't do it. Alix, have you ever met Vinny Schilcter? ALIX Nopers! KRISTA And six bullets to the brain and tub of bone melting acid say you never will. Wrecking Crew, as for your tag title challenge, then it must be Christmas/Hanukkahs/Kwanzaas/I don't discriminate on the basis of religion only on nationality and/or gender, in September, because as you can have exactly what you want, a tag title match. But we'll give you what you need and that's a Pimp Slap all the way from here back to Starsky and Hutch, and Welcome Back Kotter. Or the seventies era television show of your choice. ALIX If you don't pick Laverne and Shirley, you are dumb, dumb, dumb, because Penny Marshall is hot, hot, hawt! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Schlemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated! We’re gonna do it! TAYLOR Alright, it sounds like we've got the Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew getting their tag title shot at Zero Hour! I can't wait. But first you have a title defense tonight against The Love Doctors. Girls, you specifically requested this match after viewing a short promotional video at Angleslam in which The Love Doctors visited a lesbian bar, and magically turned all the women straight. No doubt, you're a bit upset about the video. ALIX Uh, d to the u to the duh! Totally! Like, after we just spent the whole summer getting ragged on by a dude so homphobic that he won't even keep his clothes in the closet, ya think society might say “Time out, offsides, hooking, holding, pass interference, two minute warning, television time out! You have soooooo dealt with enough homophobia to last until Christmas, or your next trip to rehab, whichever comes first! We're gonna dial down the homophobia just a teeny-tiny lil bit. Oh, you'll still get tons of hate mail stating that your love is and abominable sin against Christ, and should be punishable by a a way terrible death. What fun is being the oppressor if we can't mail your parents cartoons of you burning in the fires of hell with Chastity Bono? But you know, we'll stop sending them by Priority Express.” Thanks, society, you rock my socks! Or, that's what I thought would happen. But, like Krista says “Damn it, Alix, Bengay is not a good replacement for KY Jelly!”, and like Krista also says “Alix, when you start thinking, bad things happen.” KRISTA And, just like its been for all my twenty five years on this earth... TAYLOR Twenty five?! KRISTA Krissy is quite right. Bad things did happen! Because like a Lamborghini with Nick Hogan behind the wheel, the homophobia slammed back into us like a ninety mile per hour collision on a one way street. But this time it doesn't come from the very human embodiment of evil, and adult onset diabetes, lose some weight you hideous fuck, Theodore Moneymaker, this time it came from the company that claims to adore us so much. That video was the most reprehensible, abhorring, death worthy crock of shit I've ever suffered through in all my years in the OAOAST. And that says something, because I'm standing next to Terry Taylor. The Angleslam video is what we like to call a Theatre of Resentment, and I apologize for getting serious here, we'll return you to your regularly scheduled sex jokes, and pop culture references in a few seconds. I compare the Theatre of Resentment to a knife tossed by a disgruntled, heterosexual majority straight at the heart of homosexuality. The only reason it even exists is to express that oh-so popular with pseudo-openminded liberals across the northeast viewpoint that heterosexual relationships, and attraction are somehow, someway superior to homosexual ones. I mean never mind the fact that the overwhelming majority of abusive relationships are heterosexual ones, and that heterosexual relationships last several times shorter then homosexuals, who needs logic and hard statistics when you have a horrible misinterpretation of the bible? ALIX (looking up to god) She didn't really mean that, don't strike her down with a lightening bolt. Or at least not until I can find a hotter sugar mommy. KRISTA The goal of videos like that is to demean, belittle, and ultimately reduce the homosexual relationships into an easily palatable, novelty for heterosexual viewers, and if possible do it with a kitsch Broadway musical number, and maybe an appearance by Clay Aiken, the straights just love him. Make homosexual relationships look cute, funny, but ultimately, empty and shallow compared to the “real” thing. After all, if these bull dagger dykes can be converted by a pair of leathery middle age, strippers with a wad of Charmin stuffed in their pants, and terrible collagen injections, how authentic can their love be? It's not real, it's just something to mock, and make fun of to promote a team who's about as entertaining as Christian Wright's hemorrhoids. Look, Terry, we don't mean to complain, but the video alone is so preposterous, as to be nauseating. The OAOAST, and The Love Doctors attempted to drive that knife into our heart, but we've caught it, and we're turning it right back at them. TAYLOR Well then! Girls, I hav... KRISTA Do I sound like I'm finished to you, moron? Love Doctors, I hope you're enjoying this rant, because the only time a woman talks about you this much is when the hooker says “I told you I was a man before you gave me the two thousand.” Boys, you talk a real sweet word about the video being harmless, and how you've got our number, when you're safely behind a camera, a microphone, the bodyguards the company hired to keep me from killing you, and a man two steroid injections away from pulling a Chris Benoit, Tony Brannigan. But I heard when you found out you had a title match against us you shit a brickhouse. And with good reason... ALIX We're mighty, might, just letting all hang out! You mos-def should be afraid of us! Everyone's afraid of us. Why haven't they found Tupac's killer yet? Because he's hiding out with the Happy Feet Penguins in Antarctica, because he's knows I'll roll on him the moment he shows face. Cali gangstas ride together, and we die together. KRISTA Docs, you say you're gonna take these thin little belts away from us? Dears, you'd need an army of darkness to do that. So unless you're Bruce Campbell and you're coming loaded with chainsaws, I suggest you take your loss and keep it moving, because I will personally knock you farther back then your receding hairlines. If you were smart, and the fact that your med school degrees are just clown college degrees with the word clown x'ed out, says your not, you'd climb that Roberto Clemente Bridge outside of PNC Park, ask the lord for forgiveness, and take a Pittsburgh Plunge straight into the muddy waters of the Allegheny River, and hope you come back as something a little more your speed, and worthy of your intelligence level. Like a pet rock. I wouldn't hurt a pet rock. ALIX I would! But only because I live in constant fear of pet rock overlords. TAYLOR Good lord, woman, who doesn't? Those bastards are after everything we own! Fans, while Alix and I prepare our defense against the pet rock invaders, you enjoy these commercial messages. COMING UP NEXT I THINK WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY RESCUE 911 IN ACTION NEXT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 7, 2007 (edited) PATTY SEZ:For brevity's sake and the fact that this is a filler match because no one else besides my man Tony wanted to turn anything resembling a match in, let's skip Buffer's announcement. Also let's skip proofreading and full sentences. The angsty yet somehow undeniably perky piano keys of Cold War Kids' Hospital Beds slowly seeps to life. They're given a boisterous spirit by the rolling drum beats, and uncontrolled wailing lead singer, Nathan Willet. Tell me the story of how you ended up here I've heard it all in the hospital Nurses are fussin' Doctors on tour Somewhere in India I got one friend layin' across from me I did not choose him, he did not choose me We've got no chance of recovering Sharing hospital Joy and misery Joy and misery Joy and misery And through parting entrance doors emerges Rescue 911. Getting the small applause befitting a team of their stature the EMT's dart towards the ring. They dive into the squared circle, and exchange high fives and fists pumps that are mimicked by either the very young or the very retarded. COLE Rescue 911 here on OAOAST HeldDOWN! COACH The Heavenly Rockers, The South Central Militia, Team Heyross, D*LUX, all of those tag teams, and its Rescue 911 and The Love Doctors who get to wrestle tonight? Why lord? Why do you hate me? BUFFER And their opponents already in the ring, from Maui, Hawaii they are Spencer Reiger and Broderick Bailey! Two attractive young men, each clad in baggy black jeans with a long chain wallet toss up their hands in celebration and mouth words of arrogance to the fans. These fans are not amused, nor are they even awake for that matter. COLE Both these kids very young, and very hungry, coming to us from our OAOVW feeder promotion. I heard they had a pretty intense rivalry over there, but have put that aside for the common goal of making it in the big time. Rescue 911 is still trying to carve themselves a place here in the OAOAST, so this is an important match for both teams. DING DING DING The match begins with a lockup between Spencer Reiger and Tango. The pairing struggle for a bit, but it's the superior strength of Tango that's able to overwhelm Reiger into a headlock. The hold lasts for only a few seconds before Reiger shoves Tango into the ropes. As Bosley returns, the upstart rookie prepares to hit him with a powerslam. However, the veteran proves to much for him and steamrolls him with a diving shoulder block! Bosley drapes his arm across Reiger's lean chest for a pin... ONE TWO Spencer kicks out, but exerts a great amount of energy to do so. Despite his sudden exhaustion he quickly hops upright. Unfortunately, the second he stands, is the second Bosley begins peppering him with elbows. The shots land fast and furious and leave the Maui native totally dazed. Bosley takes advantage of his stunned position by tapping him into a front facelock and then punishing him with the NYPD-DT (suplex into a ddt)! COLE Gotta love the force delivered with that move. Leaving his rival to clutch his battered neck, Bosley makes the tag with Cash. EMT Tim charges into the ring, eager to pick up where his partner left off. But Spencer doesn't seem eager to incur further beatings, and cuts him off with a lariat! Anger perverts his boyish good looks as he furiously demands that Tim rise to face him. Defiantly, Cash moves to wage war against the hungry grappler. However, the speedster draws blood with springboard dropkick that sends Cash tumbling to the mat. The trained EMT quickly tries to stand up and mount some sort of offense. But such a task is made wholly impossible by Reiger's second spirngboard dropkick! Pleased with his ability Reiger kips himself up, and belts a triumphant cry towards the indifferent crowd, “Spencer Reiger is the bomb, bitch!” Not only is Spencer the bomb, he also has a mean ass to mouth fetish! Just check his website! Perhaps its that very perversion that motivates Spencer to tag in Broderick Baily, so that he can check out babes prime for some face sitting action. The possibly less deviant Baily enters the ring, eager to prove himself to the harsh judgment of the OAOAST audience. Unfortunately, all he proves is that he can take a good punch, as Cash slams one into his midsection. With Baily stunned, the medical technician is able to bound off the ropes, and return with an elbow smash. However the move fails to hit home thanks to the greenhorn upending the vet with a back body drop! Though Cash lands with a resounding thud, he quickly scrambles upright. But just as quickly as he stood, does he go flying overhead courtesy of another back drop. “Broderick Baily! Remember that name!” Spencer screams, now starting to severely aggravate the audience. COLE This kid is kind of loud and annoying. COACH He fits right in! Spurred on by his partner's rousing show of support, Bailey furiously pumps his gold boots into the chiseled chest of his rival. Through the seemingly unending wave of stomps, Cash fights to his feet. He throws a punch in his defense, but Bailey ducks beneath, and whirls around Cash's body to cinch him into a waistlock. Cash's elbow raises upward in attempt to blast his way out of the move. But by the time it's even near BB's head, the rookie is flinging him overhead with a bridged German suplex. Referee Charles Robinson counts the fall.. ONE TWO Cash kicks out of the pinfall! However, his pin escape does grant him freedom from the waistlock, and its for that reason that Bailey is able to roll him off the canvas. He prepares to crush his larger foe with a second suplex attempt. But his efforts meet with failure thanks to a flood of elbows from Cash. The shots leave Bailey with a horrendous headache, and destroy his grip on the EMT. “For truth, justice, liberty and the American Way!” Cash bellows before bouncing off the ropes with a lariat. Perhaps his recitation of the American Way could've been best left on hold, as Bailey used Cash's moment of patriotism to recover his strength. Thus when Cash returns towards his position the twenty four year old overpowers him with a tilt-a-whril powerslam! COLE According to the notes from OAOVW, that move is called the Holy Arrow. Robinson scores the ensuing pinfall, as an overjoyed Spencer counts along on the ring apron... ONE TWO Cash lifts his shoulder from the canvas, and Spencer's expression turns from one of childlike glee to that of stupefied annoyance. Thankfully, his partner is able to retain his calm, and remains focused on the duty defeating Rescue 911. Grabbing Cash by his thick dirty blond hair, BB leads him upright, and traps him into a front facelock. From there he brings his rival into the air for a vertical suplex effort. However, Cash uses his sheer power to shift his weight downward and remain on the mat. He then takes Bailey by surprise, by bursting through the hold, and rocketing a short arm lariat his way! But the youthful grappler recovers from his moment of surprise, and ducks beneath the incoming attack. As Cash's body clumsily stumbles forward, BB reaches behind him and stuns his opponent with a neckbreaker! Bailey's agile achievement sets Spencer's loudmouth to work, “Broderick Bailey, baby! Killing in the name of!” While the crowd greets Reiger's proclamations with groans of disgust, his associate attempts to hurl Cash into the turnbuckles. Yet, Cash shifts his momentum and reverses the move, causing his younger rival to suffer a stomach first collision with the ringposts. Bailey stumbles backwards, short of breath, and short of ways to defend the bulldog Cash uses to slam him into the canvas! COLE The experience of Tim Cash just paid off for Rescue 911! With an energetic lunge towards the ropes, Cash meet his outstretched comrade's hand for a pivotal tag! Like a Pavlovian dog at the ringing of a bell the sound of the tag draws Reiger into the ring. Past a chastising Robinson he runs, seeking to split Bosley in two with a spear. However, the good officer leapfrogs his approaching foe, and Spencer's shoulder is ravaged by the steel ring post. As the sound of flesh being devoured by metal rings through the air, Reiger pulls away from the accident scene, screaming bloody murder. Sadly his pain only grows worse when Bosley nearly there's his arm out his socket with a single arm DDT! Ever the helpful one Bosley actually begins giving Reiger medical advice on how to treat a broken arm, “Son, broken arms can be painful and contrary to popular belief also life threatening. Here's how to treat one. First, you need to check your ABC's. Airway. Breathing. Circula...OOOOMPH!” Circulaoomph? A revolutionary new medical term, or the result of a Broderick Bailey lariat? Most likely the latter as Bosley crumples to the canvas in pain. Bailey takes a moment to celebrate his minor victory by flexing his bodybuilder worthy muscles. However, his arrogance costs him his participation in this match, as Cash easily throws him over the ropes! COACH Its up to you, Spencer! Its on you, baby! I don't ever wanna see Rescue 911 again! Coach may have to continue the search for a savior from Rescue 911, as the exact second the dazed Reiger rises, he's brought back down with Bosley's Arrest & Trial (Brainbuster into Rear Naked Choke)! Without a thought towards trying to mount an escape, the youngster immediately taps out! Robinson calls for the bell, as Bosley releases the choke, and offers a heartfelt “well fought” to his coughing rival. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the winners of the match...RESCUE 911! Nothing but a few scattered cheers appears from the stands, but that doesn't stop the safety loving duo from slapping hands with the fans and their dumbfounded opponents. COLE Rescue 911 trying to move up the ranks in the tag division with a very convincing victory over the OAOVW rookies, but can they beat the tougher competition in the OAOAST? They haven't been able to so far, but we'll see what the future holds for these promising grapplers. COACH Hopefully it holds a pink slip! COLE Quiet you! Folks, we will be back with more HeldDOWN after this! Stay tuned. COMING UP NEXT A CHAMPION SPEAKS A WORLD LISTENS LANDON MADDIX! LIVE! NEXT Edited September 7, 2007 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 7, 2007 BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... your OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOO..." BUFFER ... LANDON! "LA CUCARACHAAAAAAAAAA"... MMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* In a change of pace from what you'd usually expect, "Megalomaniac" by Incubus hits, as from behind the curtain steps Megan Skye, heralding the arrival of her man, the World Champion, Landon Maddix! Smug grin on his face, Landon stops at the top of the ramp and raises the World Title in one hand, to widespread boos. COLE Landon Maddix, who escaped with that World Title by the very skin of his teeth at AngleSlam 2007. We knew he'd need a little slice of luck to fall his way to survive the challenge of Zack Malibu and Tha Puerto Rican intact. Little did we know just HOW much luck. Landon and Megan make their way to the ring, continuing to look mighty pleased with themselves. Taking centre stage, Landon picks up the microphone left behind by Buffer and taps it a couple of times to check it's on and to hopefully shut the people up. At least one of those works. MADDIX The Champ is Here, The Champ is Here, The Champ is HERE! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX Oh boo, hiss. What is this, pantomime season? Come on people, give it up for your World Heavyweight Champion! The REAL World Heavyweight Champion, the real main-event! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX That's right. I'm no reject, I'm a winner. And I realise why you're all so unhappy to see me right now. It's because you were wrong. You were all wrong! (points to the left) You were wrong. (points to the right) You were wrong. (points to the left again) You were wrong. (points to the camera) YOU were wrong. Everybody who expected me to lose this OAOAST World Heavyweight Title at AngleSlam? Wrong! The AngleSlam Curse continued. The PRL Can't Get The Job Done Curse continued. And the reign of La Cucaracha, it continues on unabated! Megan applauds her man. Like he needs the ego boost. MADDIX See, the odds were staked against me at AngleSlam. Plenty of times, this title could have been ripped from my waist without me even getting pinned for it and let's face it, that was the only way this belt was possibly leaving my possession. The deck was stacked. The mountain, steep. But if you thought I was going to buckle under the pressure then you clearly aren't familiar with just who I am. That which does not kill me can only make me stronger. Harder, Better, Faster, Landon. COLE That sounded kinda familiar. COACH Shhhh! MADDIX Just like you were all wrong about Todd Cortez, you underestimated me again and now, you're all chowing down on that humble pie. I just hope you've all learnt your lesson finally. I. Am. Your. World. Champion. I am the BEST! I'm no longer some outsider from the SWF, I am your standard bearer. And there's nobody that can mat... The lights go down in the arena. A Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them: *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and booing. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entryway and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, and out from the curtains and through the smoke steps "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican. COLE What is this now? Landon watches on with hands on hips as PRL strides to the ring, already running his mouth at a mile a minute rate. In he slides, Landon hanging back against the ropes as Tha Puerto Rican angrily demands a microphone. MADDIX I have no idea why you're out here. What is it with people interru... PRL Landon Maddix, know your role... "AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!" PRL glares at the fans. PRL Maddix, you are without a shadow of a doubt the LUCKIEST man on the face of God's green earth! You have the nerve to come out here and run your mouth about how you beat Tha Puerto Rican? How you overcame tremendous odds? Landon Maddix, you got lucky, that's all! You were lucky that refereeing our match was none other than 79 year-old, arthritic, blind as a bitch-slapped bat Earl Hebner who managed to MISS the fact that I had the Corporate foot on the ropes when you, quote-un-quote, 'pinned me' at AngleSlam! And right now, I am DEMANDING a rematch! Laughing at the suggestion, Landon holds his hand up. MADDIX PR, seriously buddy... nobody's buying that. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX I mean, come on, that's the oldest excuse in the book. You're just blowing smoke. PRL Monkeys in the truck, roll the footage! MADDIX Footage? What foota... Maddix quickly knocks down Malibu and lifts PRL up, into the fireman's carry, turning him away from the ropes before delivering the GO 2 SLEE... *SMACK!* ...SCHOOL'S OUT!! COLE SCHOOL'S OUT! HE GOT HIM, RIGHT ON THE BUTT... ONE! COLE WAIT! TWO! COLE WAIT NO, ZACK! THREEEEEE!!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE NO! Zack, having realised what was happening a second too late in his exhaustion, dogpiles on top of the fall just as the three comes down. COLE Zack broke it up! Didn't he? COACH No! That was three, look at the referee. ---------------------------------------------- *SECOND CAMERA ANGLE* *SMACK!* ...SCHOOL'S OUT!! ONE! TWO! ...foot goes on the ropes... THREEEEEE!!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Zack, having realised what was happening a second too late in his exhaustion, dogpiles on top of the fall just as the three comes down. Back to live action and Landon stammers for a reply, the crowd louder now. MADDIX Now... now, hang on, that proves nothing. PRL That proves you didn't beat me. MADDIX Look, I know they say the camera never lies but, we all know that isn't neecessarily true. That was just a poor camera angle. That could have been doctored footage for all we know! PRL Landon, face it, you didn't deserve to beat me. You didn't really pin Tha Puerto Rican. And that means, you owe me a rematch, fair and square, one on one, to see who the better man reall... .:CUE: "Getting Away With Murder", Papa Roach:. "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH Oh, what now!? The Pittsburghers erupt as ZACK MALIBU walks out onto the stage, microphone in hand and a wry smile on his face. Arms folded, Zack looks at the two bickering superstars in the ring and shakes his head. MALIBU Forgetting someone? MADDIX This is getting ridicu... MALIBU Ridiculous!? No Landon, YOU'RE ridiculous! The fact you came out with the win at AngleSlam is ridiculous. The fact you're still holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship is ridiculous. This little weekly playground squabble you two keep having is ridiculous. Let's cut the bullshit and get down to facts, huh? Usually, I'm not one for cursing. But that's exactly what these fans are thinking. That's what they were chanting as you walked out of the Garden with that belt. They know, what went down was bull. They know you didn't deserve to retain that belt. PR, thanks for the little visual reminder you just gave us all. Makes my explanation pretty simple. I kicked Landon. Landon fell on top of you. Maddix, School's Out was lights out! How long did it even take you to realise you'd actually won the match? 5, 10 minutes? 15 even? You were OUT! Out COLD! I had you beat and if it wasn't for pure LUCK, I would be the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion right now!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" PRL makes a motion for Zack that he's all mouth, which is kinda ironic. MALIBU I'm not one to bitch, moan and gripe when things don't go my way. Unlike some. But if PRL's out here demanding a rematch, he needs to get in line because by all rights, I'm the man who deserves the rematch. See, I was screwed by Money In The Bank. I got screwed at AngleSlam. And it's getting tiresome now. MADDIX Listen... first of all, I beat PRL with a Samoan Drop, okay? That fancy little kung-fu you threw at me? Barely grazed me. Second of all, you've used up your title shots boys. You... PRL My foot was on the rope! MADDIX You used that fancy little title shot contract already. And seeing as it was signed by some washed up actor from CHiPS, I'm surprised is was worth the paper it was printed in the first place. And as for you Malibu, I've just got one thing to say to you. This be... .:CUE: "Medal":. "YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH Uh-oh. COLE Busy night for the boss! The Pittsburgh crowd comes completely UNGLUED as their own ANGLESAULT comes through the entrance doors. Zack gives him a casual nod and hands him his microphone, waiting for the noise to die down. MADDIX What the hell is this? Do you people back there playing the music just play whatever CD gets handed to you, no questions asked!? ANGLESAULT Landon, save it. Now, there's been a lot of things said out here. Zack, you did hit School's Out to set up the pinfall. That's not really an issue though. In the heat of matches, things happen. PR, that footage has been viewed a number of times by myself, trust me. I realise that you did get your foot on the ropes. But this isn't the NFL, there is no instant replay. The referee's decision is final. And yes, you are still the World Champion Landon. MADDIX I know. ANGLESAULT But, the Undisputed Champion? Perhaps not. See, there is a dispute here. Having reviewed the footage, PRL did have a foot on the ropes... and, technically, Zack was on top of the pinfall when the three count was made. Looking more and more confused by the second, Landon says something to Megan, who just shrugs. ANGLESAULT So, here's the thing. Does PRL deserve a rematch? Does Zack deserve a rematch? We're four weeks away from Zero Hour and it seems like we've got more questions than answers. Well, me and the other 'wisemen' have the answers. Yes, you will get a rematch. Both Zack and PRL smile for a second, then glare at each other. ANGLESAULT Both of you. "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!" Landon rolls his eyes, kicking thin air and ranting to Megan again. ANGLESAULT At Zero Hour, it will be Landon Maddix versus Tha Puerto Rican versus Zack Malibu for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship once again. But, that doesn't neccessarily solve things. Let's see, we've got complaints about possible title changes without our champion being involved, fluke victories, bad refereeing decisions. So, just so we've not right back in the same position this time next month with more complaints, we're going to settle it a little more fairly. Even odds. No flukes. Three-way LADDER MATCH!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX "Medal" hits again and AngleSault, his job done, shakes hands with Zack before leaving as quickly as he arrived. Zack smiles to himself as he follows after him, while PRL nods confidently over at Landon. The World Champion still looks stunned, clutching his title a little tighter all of a sudden. COLE Can you believe that!? A three-way Ladder Match!? COACH And that ain't dirtsheet talk, that's from the head honcho! It's going down at Zero Hour baby! COLE Twenty four days away, Zero Hour, what a main-event to look forward to! As PRL leaves, Landon is left to be consoled by Megan. COMING UP NEXT The Windy City Vs The City Of Angels ***OAOAST WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES*** Love Doctors Vs Chicks Over Dicks NEXT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 7, 2007 In the ring stands OAOAST announcer, Michael Buffer, breaking all fashion traditions by wearing a white suit after labor day! Shame! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of thirty minutes, and it is for the One and Only World Tag Team Championships. Introducing first the challengers.... *WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!* Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you No pill's gonna cure my ill I've got a bad case of lovin' you" A trio of red strobe lights sway chaotically across steel staging that's highlighted by a giant red-cross shaped spotlight, while the vocals of Robert Palmer serenade yet another sold out OAOAST audience. Through the roving pillars of crimson spotlights, and black metallic entrance doors, appears the former HI-YAH tag team champions, The Love Doctors. Short on practical medical advice, but long on good looks, the lab coat clad hunks are more then thrilled to shake what the good lord gave them. Pittsburgh, however is noticeably less then delighted with the Docs' strip stage routine. “BOOOOOOOO!” Hearing boos for the first time since they misdiagnosed that autistic six year old with terminal lung cancer doesn't sit terribly well with the doctors of doctornomics. Trying to subdue the hostile reaction, The Docs crank the stripper gyrations to overtime. Unfortunately the action yields the opposite result then what was intended, as the fans mood simply grows cold enough to chill an Arizona desert. Unable to turn the audience towards their side, The Docs uneasily stroll through the piercing shrills of resentment. BUFFER At a total combined weight of four hundred, thirty six pound, both hailing from The Windy City, Chicago, Illinois......DR. STEVEN PIGLEY and DR. MAX ANDERSON... THE LLLLLLLLOOOOOVVEEEE DDOOOOOCCTTOOOORRRSSSSSS!! “BOOOOOO!” Once again the fans' reaction is an unfavorable one, leading the medical practitioners to wisely skip their customary hand slaps, and solemnly continue their journey to the ring. COLE The Love Doctors, not warmly welcomed in the steel city. But given who they're wrestling tonight, that shouldn't be much of a surprise. Bill Cowher and Jerome Bettis could be wrestling for the tag titles, and they'd still get booed out of the building against Alix and Krista. Into the squared circle the Docs' slide, lean bodies highlighted by thei ever present red strobe lights. Being a pair of intelligent gentlemen (they went to med school!) The Doctors realize that further braggadocios behavior won't endear them to a hateful audience. Thus they plainly discuss strategy in the corner, while trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible. COACH These clowns got they ass smoked by CPA last week, and I tell you, that was one of the most beautiful beatings I've ever been witness to. They thought they were hot shit because they beat Los Conquistadors? Allen and told them what was what. But now they get to leap frog more deserving teams because of a stupid homophobic video? Damn shame. Bigotry can not be rewarded! COLE Explain Moneymaker's billions. As Robert Palmer's tune fades into a distant memory, the cheers of anticipation for the champions are gigantic, crescendoing into chants of, “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend! Hey, hey, you, you! I know that you like me! No way, no way! No, it's not a secret Hey, hey, you, you!! I want to be your girlfriend! "YEAAAAAH!" Mingling with the vocals of the crowd and Avril Lavigne is the sizzle of a red pyro fountain. A pink pyro waterfall is quick to join it, sending multicolored, festive sparks flinging through the air. But the lovely display of fieworks is tamed mightily when compared to the golden pyro wall that encases the entire entrance stage. COLE And here come the champions! COACH And here comes my semen! Like clouds from the heavens, the resulting haze gives way to the divine figure of the OAOAST'S number one angel, Krista Isadora Duncan. Arms covered in rhinestone laced leather bracelets rest folded across a crisscrossing white teddy, that plunges deep to showcase much of her ample chest. Her long tan legs stretch from an open sided mini skirt into a pair of black high heels. Behind her the furry boots of Alix Spezia, bounce across the stage, whipping the fans into further frenzy. So wrapped up in her concocted excitement, Alix flings herself into the unaware arms of Krista. Despite the shock, Krissy manages to let Ally effortlessly sail into her grasp. Giggling devilishly over her spontaneous display, Alix flips a kiss to the camera, and the famous red lips flare onto the screen. BUFFER And now the champions, both hailing from the City of Angels, Los Angeles, California, introducing first, she is a New York Times best selling author, a fitness queen, a beauty product guru, and a proud mother, she is Miss California, KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! And her partner, she is the CEO of Miss Spezia's Sweeties, a two time 24/7 champion, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! Together they are four time tag team champions, and America's Sweethearts...CHICKS OVER DICKS! Alix merrily skips along the ramp, throwing up devil horns to the throng of screaming fans. The vast majority of these fans eagerly admire the way her shapely tush fills a pair of white booty shorts, and the almost as pleasing sight of a Pittsburgh Pirates t-shirt, cut off to reveal portions of her toned stomach. To her left, the typically boastful Krista Isaodra Duncan devotes her time to shooting daggers towards the Docs. COACH The Love Doctors are the lamest dorks here next to Rescue 911, and they've somehow got the current tag team champions, and the former tag team champions, gunning them down. Its like if George Bush sent the Air Force to nuke some kid posting “BUSH=HITLER!” on a message board. Once the champions reach the ring, a smirking Krista seats herself on the ring apron. Her legs tangle around Ally's stomach, as the reclining beauty tilts joyfully her head back, letting strands of brown hair cascade around her enraptured face. While Alix may be in seventh heaven, Krista displays her devious side, flipping her middle finger towards the roving camera. The gesture is heartily mimicked by the army of screaming fans. COLE This will no doubt be a very tough fight for The Love Doctors. Any mistake they make could lead to certain defeat. They'll have to tread carefully and smartly tonight. DING DING DING “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” COLE Absolutely no question on who the fans are behind tonight! Seconds after the bell rings Alix steps towards Pigley for a lockup. However, the stud of the ER speedily whirls behind her, where he clamps down onto her arm for a hammerlock. He isn't able to accomplish much more then that before The Hollywood Bad Girl shifts out of the hold to snare him into a side headlock. Pressing his hands against her rosy cheeks, The HI-YAH heavyweight champion attempts to shove her into the orange ropes. Yet, Ally's hold remains steadfast, and she hauls Pigley into the ropes along with her. As they step from the cables, Doctor Pigley rubs his hands against her fantastic booty, copping a heavenly feel, before pushing her to the opposite ends of the ring. Rather frustrated by having a male stripper's hand print on her ass, Ally takes out her anger on Pigley with a leaping side kick. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Right as Pigley is crumpling to the floor, Ally's fluffy tennis shoes are carting her back to the ropes. When the heroine returns, Pigley has recovered enough of his strength to kip up and catch her with an arm drag. But, the culinary sensation utilizes her amazing agility to counter her foe into a monkey flip! The sold out arena is ready to burst with cheers for reversal, but sees their energy deflated once Doctor Pigley lands on his black boots. Unlike the fans, the MD is thrilled by his avoidance and is motivated to steamroll Al with a shoulder charge. Unfortunately his moment of joy is cut short when a wad of faux-fur plants him to the canvas with a crowd popping dropsault! Krista bellows, “Yes! That's the way! Murder the penis! Death to the two balled woman hater!” “Alright ya know what? No more Daiquiris during commercial breaks for you.” Alix remarks. After chastising Krista for her loudness, Alix efforts a pinfall that's scored by referee Billy Silverman... ONE TWO But, Pigley hauls his shoulder off the mat long before the three count. COACH Yo, did Pigley say something about Max Anderson's mom dying a while back? You a doctor, nigga, how the fuck you gonna let your mama die? You save crack addicts, gang bangers, drug dealers, everyday, and you let yo mama die? Ally grabs Pigley by his gelled grey hair and leads him off the canvas. But she's unable to further her offensive advantage thanks to the doctor of doctornomics slamming his knee into her exposed stomach. With his victim wheezing labored breathes, Pigley is able to latch onto her glitzy tube top and guide her to a neutral corner. She rifles an elbow onto his ribcage in defense. However the spirited strike is incapable of stopping the good doctor from driving her face into the steel ringposts. Ally's body shudders uncontrollably upon impact, further enraging an already incensed Krista. COLE How well would Krista and Alix take losing to the Love Doctors after they established this very personal grudge against them? COACH How well would I take monkeys flying out of my ass? Or Superman smoking chronic on my shoulder? You're talking about something that could never happen in reality. Doctor Pigley peels Alix away from the corner posts and launches her into the opposite end of the ring. Her back endures a terrible collision with with the posts, but there's little time for self pity with a two hundred forty pound stripper barelling down on her. Desperately, Ally kicks her tennis shoes into the air, leading the good doctor to impale his face on their soles. Staggering backwards, the handsome doc wails in agony and openly frets over the possibly of a busted nose. COACH Anderson be givin people free health care, and he let's his mama die? What, bitch offer to give you money or something? With Pigley preoccupied by his own misfortune, Miss Spezia lifts herself onto the second rope. ALIX Once the love doctor returns his attention to the SoCal Babe, she leaps from her perch like a bird of prey. Her splendid legs form a noose around his neck, which would be a wonderfully enviable position if the rest of her body weren't hurricanranaing him halfway to Philadelphia. “YEAAAAAAA!” Pigley quickly pulls his body off the canvas, but does so not to mount a counter attack, but only to stumble and wobble like the town drunk. Alix alleviates him of his uncoordinated display by latching onto his right arm, and sweeping his legs out from under him with the True Life: I just got beat up by a girl. Once again the audience pours out a stream of cheers for the heroine's accomplishment. COLE I don't think The Love Doctors have been pitted against this level of competition since their run-ins with Black T and that was two or three years ago. COACH Yeah, and by the time they're ready for a match this big, the Duncan they'll be standing across the ring from will be Maya not Krista. Pleased with her work, Alix decides to tag in a woman who's been lusting to send the doc's back to the ER, girlfriend Krista Isadora Duncan. The applause for miss California thunder through the venue. But beneath these raucous cheers, Doctor Pigley's tag to Max Anderson goes undetected. COACH I'm convinced the Love Doctors ain't even real doctors, they just got some fisher price play doctor set in they garage. How you gonna give away free health care? You'd need to piss solid gold to afford that. While Anderson's arrival into the bout may go undetected by the fans its certainly noticed by the blonde bombshell who spikes her shoes into his midsection. Despite the fact that she's oozing outrage, her anger can't smother her vanity, and the former model strikes a pose of elegant confidence to her adoring fans' glee. COACH As bad as this match has gone for The Love Doctors, it would've been over in seconds if they were in there with The Enterprise. Once Krissy returns back to planet earth, the girls latch onto their rival and sling him into a neutral corner. His sleek figure hits the pads with a roaring thud, but its not harsh enough to prevent him from attempting to stumble away from the corner. Sadly, all escape routes are blocked by Krissy who's high heels mutilate his face with a running dropkick! “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” COACH Now, I hate The Love Doctors, but ain't nothing fair about drop kicking someone when you wearing high heels! Its like attaching switch blades to the bottom of your shoes. But, that's what he gets for letting his mama die. Not wishing to be left out on the fun (and the crowd chants!), Alix strides towards the wounded Anderson. As she nears the doc, her lipstick butch GF gives her a helping hand, latching onto her slender hips and boosting her towards their enemy. All Alix has to do is extended her fur wrist banded arm forward, and delight in the pained screams of Max Anderson. “Hey! Where the hello kitty are my chants, you dumb crackers?” “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Engulfed by torrents of pain, Doctor Anderson stammers from the corner, looking for the welcome hand of his partner. However, all he gets are the unwelcome kicks of Krista. The queen of fitness/beauty/yoga/rehab recites wher many issues with heterosexual society as she unloads upon him. “This is for prohibiting same sex marriage!” CRAAACK! “This is for allowing job discrimination based on sexual orientation!” CRAACK! “This is for not including sexual orientation in the definition of a hate crime!” CRAAACK! “And this is for Rush Hour 3!” “Wait, I didn't....” No matter that Krista has now confused Max Anderson with Brett Ratner, she still flattens him with a superkick! COACH You can't superkick someone in heels! Its like stabbing a man with a very sharp number two pencil! And why is Pigley just sitting there watching this? The lesbians up in yo ass, negro! They in yo barn, eatin yo cereal! With the doctor in need of some intensive care, Alix asks Krista to step aside for a moment, so she can jiggle her luscious booty. This prompts a vexed Krista to openly wonder why she'll do it for thousands of complete strangers, but when her loving girlfriend wants it, its all “But honey, Scott Baio is 45 and Single is on!” You can do it during commercial “But during commercial I switch to Engaged and Underage.” Having heard these complaints many times before, Alix ignores Krista, and entrances the crowd with sensual grinding of her curvaceous BUTT. The jiggling beauty of her supple tush, causes thousands of lesbians to slam their vibrator down and curse themselves for forgetting to buy batteries at the drug store. By the time they can get the batteries out of the remote, the object of their affection is crashing into Anderson with a moonsault! Silverman and the audience score the pinfall... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But, Anderson rips his shoulder from the canvas, drawing a heaping of boos from the fans. As he's eager to show some sort of offensive capability, Anderson scurries off the canvas and retreats to the ropes. Halfway towards Krista, he extends his muscular arm out for a lariat. But due to his telegraphing of the attack, his limb drapes harmlessly over her arm. With a wink and a smile tossed to the camera, the fitness queen sends she and her victim screaming backwards with the Everybody Hates Kris (Backflip Rock Bottom)! While the fans erupt with delight, Anderson is deposited into the canvas as a whimpering heap of useless bones and flesh. While he gasps for air, she efforts another fall... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! Once again Anderson kicksout! “BOOOOO!” Annoyed with having to wrestle midcarders when she could be working on her tan, a grousing Krista heads to her feet. Unfortunately her concern with her bronze skin distracts her from her challenger, and he's able to stun her with a jawbreaker! Though the move was delivered with great force, the sudden assault against her beautiful face gives KID even more reasons to hate The Love Doctors, and spurs her to trap Anderson into a waistlock. Yet whatever method of revenge she's concocted will remain unknown, as Anderson uses his superior strength to rush them both to the waiting hand of Doctor Pigley. After the tag is made, Krista rolls backwards, ready to steel herself against the incoming Love Doctor double team. Anderson quickly tests her defenses, charging towards her with another lariat. Just like last time, she's able to catch his arm around her's. However, she's unable to hit the back flip rock bottom due to the boots of Stephen Pigley springboard dropkicking her to the mats! With the damage properly delivered, Anderson retreats to the outside, where he joyfully counts along with the resulting pinfall. ONE Krista pushes out of the fall, earning a sizable cheer from the capacity crowd. COLE The Docs need to keep pushing and pushing if they want to score this upset. They can't afford to let up. Krista winces in stringent pain as Pigley drags her off the canvas. A pair of elbow strikes terrorize her back, weakening her enough that Anderson has sufficient time to bounce off the ropes. Once he closes in on Krista, he shoots his body skywards, and ties his hands through her flowing golden hair. Gravity takes care of the rest, and Krissy's lovely features are smeared across his black kneepads. As though that weren't enough to infuriate America's most beautiful woman, Doctor Pigley slams a spinning wheel kick into her nose. LOVE DOCTORS Certainly no fan of their bragging, the staunch pro-COD audience is wholly unamused by the ex-strippers celebratory hip gyrations, and pollutes the ring with boos and jeers. COLE If The Docs win the titles will they grant The Wrecking Crew the promised title bout at Zero Hour? COACH Your question is fatally flawed because you're incorrectly assuming The Love Doctors are capable of beating anyone not named Los Conquistadors. Cole's question may soon be answered, as Pigley casually drapes his arm over his fallen foe. Silverman administers the count... ONE Somehow Krista summons enough fighting spirit to lift her shoulder into the air, driving the Pennsylvania natives wild with surprised glee. Obviously less pleased then the audience, Pigley churlishly questions the speed of Silverman's count. “LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!” After properly chewing out the official, Pigley leads Krista to her feet by her sweat drenched hair. She doesn't stay upright for long, as the hunky doctor harshly snap mares her back to the canvas. Just as soon as she lands on the mat, do his rough and callous hands squeak and grind at her beloved facial features. Panic floods through her lips, as his prying pincers claw through her smooth skin. Its only the intervention of an admonishing referee that blesses her with salvation. Yet its salvation that's frustratingly short lived as Pigley bounds off the ropes, and returns to pulverize her back with a basement dropkick. The fitness queen flops onto her side, emitting shrills of pain that chill Alix's spine. COLE The Love Doctors definitely seem to be finding their game right now. But is it going to be enough to pull off a stunning upset? After crossing his fingers and saying a little prayer to god, the doctor of doctornomics hooks Krissy's outside leg for a pin... ONE! Pigley determines that there is in fact no God, as Krista shoots her shoulder off the canvas. “YEAAAAAA!” “Count faster!” the MD demands, voice charged with authority. COLE Stephen Pigley starting to lose his cool, here. This is an uphill battle for The Love Doctors, and they can't afford to lose their concentration. They have to be one hundred percent in the game. Unable to tolerate any more of the referee's lackadaisical abilities, Pigley is required to apply a begrudging tag to his comrade. Yet before he can depart the ring and Silverman's terrible officiating, Anderson demands his help in a devious double team scheme. As their target rises to a groggy vertical base, the medical professionals violently twerk her limbs with double arm wrenches. Ignoring the resulting chastisement from the official, they promptly trap her into a front facelock. Their hands weave across the top of her skimpy miniskirt, and she's foisted into the air. Without a second of delay, the Docs peel backwards and crash her into the canvas with a vertical suplex. Yet their double teaming won't end there, no matter how hard Alix and the fans wish for it to. Pilgey pushes himself off the ropes, returning to lacerate Krista's neck with a leaping leg drop. Anderson replays a similar sequence of events, reducing Krista into a hacking and wheezing fit. Pleasured by the knowledge that they're several steps closer to achieving a historic upset, the sexy docs engage in another bout of hip swiveling action. “BOOOOOO!” PIGLEY While Pilgey may lament the lack of love shown by the city of Pittsburgh, Anderson devotes his attention to besting the champion. A left hand impacts perfectly with her jaw, dropping her into the canvas, and pulling hoarse cries from her throat. Taking a firm clump of hair, the doctor of love roughly removes her from the mat. Her battered bones are launched into a neutral corner, where the sharp ring posts savage her back and bring forth another cry of agony. Wrought with panic over Krissy's condition, Alix attempts to enter the ring to rescue her helpless girlfriend. However, Silverman impedes her path, pleading with her to return to her corner. The ref's argument with Al provides the docs with the perfect moment to decimate the champion, and their quick to seize upon it. After a nod of unity, they dart towards Krista, intending on flattening her with a succession of body splashes. But their first line of offense, Stephen Pilgey, encounters the raised shoe of his victim. Remembering the handy dandy mathematical formula that HIGH HEELS=VERY BAD, Pigley slams on the breaks before his eyeball can become Krista's new winter fashion accessory. COLE That was a close one! Perhaps not close enough, as her foot now swings towards his midsection. Out of sheer luck alone, he manages to catch her slim ankle within his arms. An enormous smile envelopes his face as her extended leg endows unworthy eyes to a view of heavenly tan thighs framed by lace panties. Annoyed, that Pigley got this view without first having to pay $13.99 for her 2008 calendar, Krista swings her free foot around for an enziguri! Reacting with razor sharp reflexes, Pigley tucks his head beneath the fast approaching missile. Yet the avoidance comes at a tremendous cost for Doctor Anderson who endures the full force of the terrible attack! “YEAAAAAA!” COACH I wonder if a doctor with a scat fetish gets wood by performing colonoscopies? Its questions like that kept me out of the really good colleges. Stricken with shock over the image of his now wounded partner, Doctor Pigley can only offer a weak elbow smash for offense. Its a blow that's effortlessly avoided by the beach babe as she rolls beneath his arm and to her corner, where she applies the tag with Alix Spezia! Or where she would've applied the tag, had Alix not decided to engage in song first, “When the sun shine we'll shine together, told you I'll be here forever. Said I'll always be your friend Took an oath, I'mma stick it out 'til the end. Now that it's raining more than ever know that we'll still have eachother. You can stand under my um-ba-rella,” “Oh forget it, I'll squash them myself!” “Wait! I'll tag you!” Alix screams, slapping Krista's back. The cheers for Ally's arrival into the bout are steady, pouring from every corner of the venue. This swell of crowd noise grows even larger, as they watch Alix's glistening legs swirl around Pilgey's neck and upend him with hurricanrana! Disregarding Pigley the moment he hits the canvas, the spicy Latina shifts her attention towards his badly worn comrade. But as she removes him from the canvas, a surge of energy speeds through his body, and he launches a left hand towards her adorable face. The Hollywood Bad Girl reacts speedily, and lets his arm land across her's to set up of the True Life: I Just Got Beat up by a Girl(STO). But Anderson refuses to be victimized by her signature spot, and shoves Alix to the ropes. Unfortunately for him, Ally uses her new position to her advantage, and leaps onto the third rope only to spring off it seconds later. Doc Anderson strides forward, under the arrogant assumption he can simply swat her from the air. This proves to be an erroneous thought on his part, as Alix crooks her arm across his head, then dives downwards, driving his balding head into the canvas with the Sucker Free DDT. The doctor emits an ear splitting roar that sounds something like a lion on its deathbed while the sold out crowd bleats Alix's name. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX” After flipping a peace sign to her loving fans, the sugary-sweet honey returns her focus to Pilgey. However, the medicine man is several steps ahead of her, catching onto her fluffy wrist bands and flinging her into the ropes. He prepares himself to powerslam her upon her return, but the plan is thrown awry when she returns with a lionsault! Pigley tries to evade her aerial assault by simply stepping forward a few inches. Its a wasted effort as the Hollywood sex kitten simply curls her arms around his neck and flattens him with a inverted DDT! Pleased with her achievement, Alix shouts out to her crips back in Los Angeles, “SIX-EIGHT MAFIA CRIP! SIX EIGHT HUNDRED BLOCK! WE STEP, WE SLIDE, WE RAISE THE MAFIA HIGH!” “WE STEP, WE SLIDE, WE RAISE THE MAFIA HIGH! WE STEP, WE SLIDE, WE RAISE THE MAFIA HIGH!” Chants the ninety five percent white middle class audience who only “encounter” blacks and Mexicans when they happen to watch BET. With an entire city of wannabe gangstas behind her, The Hollywood Bad Girl rushes towards the ropes. Rather then run back, as would be the custom, she does a graceful cartwheel, and extends her billion dollar body out when she nears her rival. She collides into him with a body splash, making a move to hook his leg for a pinfall the second she lands. Silverman scores the fall.. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Pigley powers out of the fall, disappointing viewers across the globe. Even more disappointed is Alix, who now has to deal with Max Anderson tugging on her curled chocolate locks. The musclebound MD rips her away from his exhausted partner, and manhandles her into a neutral corner. Encountering little resistance from the champion, Anderson hammers her with perfectly placed strikes to her buxom chest. The MD abruptly calls his series of attacks to a halt, and merrily struts towards the center of the ring with Cheshire cat grin on his face. He darts towards her with a corner avalanche. Unluckily for her plastic surgeon's bank account, Ally avoids the implants busting move, by slipping out of the way at the last possible second! Anderson's chiseled upper body is rendered to shreds by rock hard turnbuckles, leading him to weep in misery. Not one for sympathy, Alix adds to his distress by taking hold of his spiked hair and savagely ramming his face into the top post. With each successive strike leveled against Doctor Anderson the crowd counts along, “ONE!” “TWO!” “THREE!” “FOUR!” “FIVE!” “SIX!” “SEVEN!” Forget sweet sixteen, there won't even be a great eight being celebrated tonight, as the clubbing forearms of Stephen Pigley rescue Anderson from a treacherous drubbing. “I used to suck dick for coke, Pigley! You ever suck some dick for marijuana?" A fan screams. “Boo this man!” another screams, pointing to Pigley. “BOOOOOOO!” The medical stud-muffin pays no mind to the rage of the audience, instead piling all his concentration towards dragging Alix way from his associate. Once he reaches the center of the ring he's able to orchestrate the champion's demise. He scoops her into the air, as though he were to execute a bodyslam. But instead of employing that pedestrian maneuver the good doctor jumps down, spiking her head against the canvas with the Time of Death (Michinoku Driver)! COLE It would be a major miracle but could the time of death for COD's title reign may be September sixth 2007? A city holds its collective breath as Pigley pins the spasming champion... ONE But the audience is allowed to breathe a little easier when Krista Isadora Duncan destroys the pinfall with a running kneestrike! “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” “Rise and shine, you pencil dick turd burglar!” she demands of her rival. Apparently used to being referred to by that name, a dizzied Pigley heads to his feet. Yet the moment he stands, Krista chucks a spear at his midsection! In spite of his incredible exhaustion, the medical practitioner manages to leapfrog over the fast approaching champ. Unfortunately, Anderson meets with no such luck, and the avoided spear shreds him to the canvas! As the audience watches the MD crumple into a defeated shell, they clog the arena with a glut of enthused cheers. COACH Mister Moneymaker must be dying of laughter right now. “Adios, shithead” Krista bellows before she finally succeeds in mowing down Pigley with the infamous spear! The explosion of cheers from the audience is gigantic, and they happily count along with the referee as he scores the pinfall... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But Pigley escapes the fall, and the spectators are understandably livid as a result. While her army of fans offer Silverman a piece of their mind, the foxy mama scurries to the top turnbuckles, “There's a lady who's sure that all that glitters is gold. And she's buuuuuuying a stairwaaaaaay to heaven” Krissy croons as he situates herself atop her roost. An excited buzz comes from the many fans who expect the gorgeous babe to enchant them with one of her many dazzling displays of aerial technique. She brings them no disappointment, rocketing herself backwards with a dazzling moonsault. However her graceful descent looks to be ruined by a horrific landing, as Doctor Pigley rolls out the way! But Krista lands with expert agility, coming down on her heels! Showcasing an cocky smile, she bows sweetly to her many admirers. But she soon pays for her arrogance, when Anderson sneaks behind her and schools boy her into a pin! ONE TWO Alix ends the pinfall, generating a humongous pop from the now standing audience. COLE The Love Doctors were so close to becoming new champions, Coach! COACH No, Cole, no they weren't. Nor have they been in this entire match. Maybe the champion of your masturbatory fantasies, but otherwise...n-o. While Krista may be rescued from harms way, Alix isn't afforded such safety, thanks to the fast approaching charge of Stephen Pigley. Avoiding the typical flashy reversal, Ally counters the human weapon by simply whipping his partner into him! The brutish tactic works like magic, as the incredible force of the collision propels Doctor Pigley through the ring ropes. He lands with an echoing thud against the paper thin mats, that's given an exclamation by the whopping roar of the fans. “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” Unable to ascertain what the hell just happened, Max Anderson watches first in rapture as the California knockouts blow him mischievous kisses, then in utter horror as they send his title hopes up in flames with twin enziguris! Their shoes crush his skull like a pair of warheads, and his battered form drops onto the ring floor, panting and gasping. His body left throughly defeated, he's nothing but a mound of flesh for Alix and Krista to drape their arms across in a double pin... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! The exact second the referee's hand skips off the mat, the sold out venue erupts with unrestrained cheers for the victorious champions! BUFFFER Your winner and still One and Only World Tag Team Champions... “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” COACH Somewhere, Anderson's mama is looking down and saying “Ya shoulda let me live, nigga! Ya shoulda let me live!” HAHAHAHAHA! COLE Well the Love Docotrs getting their first taste of world class competition in a very long time. They can only go up from here. All in all a good learning experience, and one they'll need it if they're going to have to deal with The Enterprise in weeks to come. Doctor Pigley returns to the ring to perform a thorough (but not that thorough you sick fuckers!) checkup on his battered partner. After being assured that the ego is the most wounded part of Doctor Anderson, Pigley helps his fellow MD to his feet. The pair engage in a quick discussion before approaching the celebratory champions, which is either an invitation for another enizguri or a multi-page verbal humiliation. The Docs try to avoid both, by extending their hands in respect to the girls. COLE How about that? How about that, indeed, is the reaction of Alix and Krista, who regard the Love Doctors with as much kindness as you might treat someone who enjoys contracting syphilis from goats. Annoyed scoffs, and threatening frowns seem to call for The Love Doctors dismissal. However, the vanquished challengers remain steadfast in their efforts to show respect. Yet, this only causes the champions to grow more irate, and they berate the docs with a shout of “Leave!”. COACH Take a hint, lames, and take a hike! They don't want anything to do with you. The Doctors refusal is stubborn, and they hold their ground with hands extended. Eager to just be done with the awkward exchange, Alix gives them both a quick shake, neglecting eye contact, and offering nothing more then a low grunt of acknowledgement. Even though the gesture was delivered quickly and curtly, it sits horribly with Krista. Possessing a look of disgusted outrage, Krista storms out the ring, muttering words of anger beneath her breath. Dumbfounded, Alix leaves the equally befuddled Docs behind to chase down her errant girlfriend. COACH Stupid ass Love Doctors, can't even make a handshake work! Ah well, see you in six months, fools. Mister Moneymaker and his Enterprise shouldn't concern themselves with low class nobodies like the Love Doctors. Mister Moneymaker, quite like myself, is a man of wealth, he under.. COLE Stop right there. You're no man of wealth. You're so cheap you wash your hair with laundry detergent samples. COACH If its good enough for my thongs, its good enough for me! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 7, 2007 (edited) COMMERCIAL BREAK Upon returning to our program we're rushed backstage where Alix chases down a greatly annoyed, and fast walking, Krista. ALIX Krista, will ya slow down? Some of us don't spend every waking moment of our freetime covering up glaring personality and emotional flaws by spending hours at the gym! Krista stops dead in her tracks and glares at Alix. KRISTA Oh, you're a hilarious aren't you? With your little jokes. ALIX That wasn't really a joke, more a snarky remark. This is a joke, why couldn't the six year old see the Rated R movie, because it's rated Pirate...Oh poopie! Flip it around, and it's hella funny! KRISTA Oh, leave me alone. ALIX What's stuck up your BUTT besides the usual assortment of dishwasher friendly sex toys? KRISTA That handshake! ALIX Skip the obvious joke, and ask you're still upset about that?! KRISTA Still? It only happened four minutes ago! ALIX Aww, come on! They were all like holding their hands out for a good two minutes, you were looking like you were ready to go Boondock Saints on 'em, I was just trying to be the bigger gal. Forgive and forget. What do ya want me to do? KRISTA I want you to support me and the entire LGBT community. I mean, I know how it's hard to envision that there's a world outside your existence of drugs, sex, booze, and over-produced MTV reality shows. But guess what? There actually is, and that world will happily take any opportunity and chance it gets to fire shots at us. And you're twenty eight years old, going to be twenty nine in December, and I shouldn't have to be the one who keeps telling you this! Wake up! But then again, look who I'm talking to, the woman who dated the star of Ferris Bueller's Jerk Off to cover up her sapphic leanings. ALIX Woah! Slow your 2007 Toyota Prius which IntelliChoice ranks the Best Overall Value of the Year with an EPA-estimated combined city/highway 55 miles per gallon and an Advanced Technology Partial Zero Emission Vehicle (AT-PZEV) rating! You really wanna skate on that ice, dear sister, dear sister? Leon is my good friend, and he is borderline saintly, borderline saintly compared to your sappho-daddio, Ned Blanchard. KRISTA (defensively) Well, I wanted a child. ALIX Oh, that's right! I forgot that for the entirety of the year 2000 every adoption agency, sperm bank, and eligible non impotent male in Los Angeles suddenly disappeared for twelve months. Silly me, cuz the way I remember it rolling was “Oh, I can't tell my mother I'm gay! She'll cut me off! How can I afford insurance for a Ferrari, how can I spend forty dollars on a little compact mirror, how can I take all the money for my condo rent and blow it on shoes, and spend a thousand dollars on a dress I'll never wear because I saw that slut Jamie Presley wearing it at the club, GASP, I'll actually have to use coupons, and drive a Volkswagen, and pump my own gas." But, like, when the fitness thing blew up, it's all look out mama earth, 'cause the lesbo Louis Farakhan is coming to kick ya in your ovaries! KRISTA Hahahaha! ALIX What's up with the LOL? KRISTA I can't believe I was actually about to get insulted by a comment from a woman who cut the brakes out her car, 'cause she thought she'd never have to stop at a stop sign again! ALIX I didn't, didn't I? But, I also kinda didn't have to stop for the old lady in the wheelchair, the puppy, the orphans, the nuns, and Melanie Brown, which explained the flowers from Eddie Murphy. Anyway, are you trying to say I'm fat? KRISTA No, I'm saying your stupid! ALIX TSM offers no emoticon to express how totally hurt I am right now. Realizing that's she's probably crossed the line, Krista softens her tone. KRISTA Look, I'm sorry, that wasn't me, that was the heroin talking. ALIX You're on heroin?! KRISTA Perhaps. Would you be more or less mad at me if I told you I was? ALIX I'd be more mad that you're bogarting all the China White! KRISTA Oh god, sweetie, I don't know why I talk like that. I get so into things, and my causes, that I automatically expect everyone to follow right along with me. I don't care if you don't feel the same emotional responsibility to help people suffering the same injustices and mistreatment as you that any decent human being would feel, or even if you're not the brightest candle on the menorah. I'll still love you more then ever. Krista grabs Alix and pulls her into a tight embrace. ALIX Sweetie, I love it when you make insults sound romantic. KRISTA (annoyed) Don't you mean roWomantic? ALIX You're doing it again. KRISTA Sorry. FADE OUT Edited September 7, 2007 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 7, 2007 (edited) COLE Well, a little earlier we heard a couple of big announcements regarding Zero Hour. Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell, Felix Strutter put into one of the most dangerous environments the OAOAST has ever seen. Our big main-event, a three-way Ladder AngleSlam Re-Match between Landon Maddix, Tha Puerto Rican and Zack Malibu. And in addition to that we've got another big rematch, just signed for Zero Hour. The OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Titles will be on the line, Leon Rodez and D*LUX defending the belts against The Beverly Hills Blonds and Christopher Patrick Allen. COACH About time! COLE Well, Leon and D*LUX were happy to give the rematch... COACH So they damn well should have been! They stole those titles. Under masks! It was daylight robbery of Fort Enterprise that has so far gone unpunished. COLE And now, Jade Rodez is back by the side of D*LUX and re-united with her brother. The Enterprise will be hoping to restore some face, Sunday night September 30th at Zero Hour. And as far as announcements go, how about this. Just signed for next week, Tyler Bryant has made a challenge to The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew after what we saw last week courtesy of Simon Singleton Productions. And it's been accepted, by "Sweet" Lucius Soul, Tyler versus Lucius one on one, next week in Dayton! COACH Even with Jade back, those poor deluded kids are trying to play knights in boyband armour for Krista. It's bitch form is what it is. COLE But, folks, stay tuned because we still have our mainevent to come! COMING UP NEXT ***X TITLE*** THE DANCE DANCE DRAGON VS JAMES RIGGS NEXT COLE Time for our main event! Let's go to the ring! "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers starts playing. The crowd stands up and starts booing. The entrance doors slide open, and James Riggs steps out. Right behind him as always is his wife and manager, Staci. The boos get louder. Riggs has a cocky smile on his face as he laughs off the booing fans. Staci walks out in front of Riggs and leads Riggs to the ring. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall with TV time remaining. And is for the One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Championship! Introducing first. The challenger. Accompanied to the ring by his wife and manager, Staci. From Torrence, California. Weighing in at 232 lbs. He is the self-proclaimed leader of JR Nation. JAMMMMMEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS RIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! James Riggs struts down the entrance ramp, taunting some fans along the way. COLE James Riggs gunning for another OAOAST title. He lost his match against Colombian Heat at AngleSlam-- COACH UNFAIRLY, I might add. COLE How was it unfair? COACH Oh come on, Michael! You saw Spanish Fly use that chair on Riggs' back! He could have paralyzed him! Riggs had the match won and you know it! COLE It was a Colombian Necktie that ended the match, Coach. COACH But Spanish Fly helped. Do you deny that? COLE Well-- COACH DO YOU DENY THAT!? COLE ...Not really. COACH Well, there you go. Case closed! COLE Oy vey. Staci and JR climb the ring steps and stand on the ring apron. Staci sits on the middle rope, and opens them for JR to step through. Riggs outstretches his arms and then heads to a second turnbuckle where he pounds his chest twice with crossed arms, before cockily thrusting them into the air. White pyro shoots along the ring apron behind him ala Shawn Michaels, before meeting at the ring post which explodes into a golden shower of sparklers. COACH What an entrance for James Riggs! It gets better and better everytime! COLE Well, Dance Dance Dragon has quite the entrance too! COACH His entrance is like being on an acid trip! Not that I know what it's like to be on an acid trip. James Riggs entrance is class personaified! Yup! COLE Well, I don't know about class personaified. COACH Don't start, Cole. Don't you start! I'm not in the mood! COLE Okay! Okay! Staci blows her husband a kiss as he gets off the second turnbuckle. "Dani California" continues playing as Staci removes James' long white/silver leather trenchcoat revealing his silver and black pants. She then takes off his sunglasses and places them on top of the long white/silver leather trenchcoat. COLE James Riggs has been in the OAOAST for almost a year. Can he win his first title tonight? COACH Yes he can. And yes he will. And I know I said that at AngleSlam, but this time I MEAN it! COLE We're about to find out, Coach. The main event is only a heartbeat away. COACH And how appropriate that this is the main event! James Riggs first title victory in the OAOAST deserves to be in the main event! Good decision, bookers! Staci kisses James on the lips. Riggs holds the ropes open for Staci to exit, carrying Riggs' sunglasses and leather trenchcoat. Riggs looks at her ass as she walks down the ring steps. JR then turns his attention to the crowd, flashing a cocky smile. COLE JR sure looks ready to go. COACH He sure does! Here we go! I can't wait for this match to start! COLE And I'm sure Riggs can't wait either. COACH Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Staci hands the leather trenchcoat and the sunglasses to a ringside attendant. JR bounces up and down in place to get the blood flowing. "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers dies down. COLE James Riggs failed at AngleSlam? Can he win tonight? COACH Never say 'fail' and James Riggs in the same sentence ever EVER again! "Hung Up" by Madonna starts playing. A Dance Dance Revolution stage hollogram shines down in front of the entrance stage and for a while it's quiet. The intro part of the song plays as Dance Dance Dragon calmly walks out, the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt wrapped around his waist. When the song picks up pace, multi-coloured strobes go freakoutapalooza through the rest of the arena and Triple D starts to bust a freakin' move, people! A bunch of scantily clad dancers run out and dance to the sides of him, just for posterity. The crowd cheers loudly. Very loudly. Dragon points to the sides of the arena, and pyro shoots off. The crowd cheers some more! Dragon then walks down the entrance ramp, dancing along the way. BUFFER And his opponent. From Heaven's Dancefloor. Weighing in at 199 lbs. He is the reigning and defending undisputed One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Champion of the woooorrrlllldddddddddd...The Strong Style Party Animal. He...is...DANCE DANNNNCCCCEEEEEEE DRRAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Dragon slaps hands with the fans at ringside. COLE Dance Dance Dragon has been on quite the roll since earlier in this year. He had an incredible run in the tournament for the then-vacant X-Division Title, going all the way to the Finals at AngleMania VI: Etched In Stone at the Toronto SkyDome in front of 67,000 fans. There, he lost the match by a hair to "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, but got his revenge a little over a month later, defeating Tha Puerto Rican to become X-Division Champion; a Title he has held for the past FIVE months belive it or not! COACH Technically FOUR months, but it will be five if he can make it past James Riggs tonight. Still, five months is WAY too long for DANCE DANCE DRAGON to hold ANY title, let alone the X-Division Title! COLE He's been a great Champion since winning the Title on May 10th. He has had some incredible matches in Japan for HI-YAH and across the world! He definitely represents what X-Division wrestling is all about if you ask me! COACH Well nobody asked you! COLE Great comeback, Coach. COACH Thank you. Appreciate it! Dance Dance Dragon mugs for the camera, pointing to his belt, before climbing up the ring steps and hopping into the ring. Dragon poses for the fans, who cheer. A single spotlight shines down on him, and he proceeds to get down in the middle of the ring. Dragon finishes his dance number by unstrapping the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt from around his waist and raising it over his head to a pop. The lights go back on in the arena as "Hung Up" continues playing. James Riggs and Staci look at DDD with disgusted looks on their faces. COLE Dance Dance Dragon looks ready to go! COACH Just remember. He needed Bohemoth's help to win the X-Division Title. Bohemoth's on the injured list right now. COLE He doesn't need Bohemoth to keep the X-Title! He certainly hasn't needed him these past five months! COACH Techincally FOUR months, and so what? He hasn't fought anybody the caliber of James Riggs! Tonight, he will, and tonight, he's doomed! DOOMED I TELLS YA! COLE You never know. Dance Dance Dragon has surprised us before! Hell, he surprised us just by defeating Tha Puerto Rican and winning the X-Division Championship in the first place! COACH Well, sometimes things actually go according to plan. And tonight, James Riggs will beat Dance Dance Dragon, just like he's supposed to! Dance Dance Dragon touches the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt before handing it over to referee Mickey Jay. Mickey Jay shows the belt to James Riggs, who also touches it. Mickey Jay raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his head to let the fans know that this is a title match. Dance Dance Dragon pulls the top ring rope, while James Riggs just stares at him. COLE Dance Dance Dragon is making his first ever Title defense on HeldDOWN~!. COACH And it's going to be his last. COLE That's what you said about Colombian Heat at AngleSlam! COACH Hey, I was wrong. I admit it! Now can you stop talking about AngleSlam? COLE James Riggs can't seem to stop talking about AngleSlam! COACH He was ROBBED at AngleSlam! He has a right to be upset! COLE He wasn't nothing! The match happened, the referee's decision is final! Now let's discuss tonight's match! COACH Dance Dance Dragon is in big trouble. COLE Dance Dance Dragon holds a victory over Tha Puerto Rican. COACH Well, he's not going to hold a victory over James Riggs! I can tell you that much! That's not going to happen tonight; that's not going to happen ANY night! COLE Well, we are about to find out right now! A graphic appears letting the people watching at home know that this is an OAOAST X-Division Championship Match. Mickey hands the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt to a ringside attendant. Mickey Jay then pats down James Riggs, and then Dance Dance Dragon. After giving them a few last minute instructions, he calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH DANCE DANCE DRAGON (Champion) vs. JAMES RIGGS (Challenger with Staci) "Hung Up" by Madonna dies down. Riggs and DDD circle each other. They lock up. Both men jockey for position. They both end up in a turnbuckle corner. Mickey Jay orders them to break it up. Riggs obliges, with a smirk on his face. Triple D and JR circle each other again. They lock up. Riggs knees Dragon in the gut! JR punches Dragon in the face several times! Riggs grabs Dragon's right hand and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. Riggs follows with a spinning wheel kick! Riggs goes for the cover! 1... 2... KICK OUT!!! James Riggs grabs Dragon by his mask and punches him in the face several times. JR picks DDD up and goes for another Irish whip--Dragon reverses--Riggs bounces off the ropes...right into a front dropkick from Dragon! Dragon follows that up with a senton! Triple D goes for the cover! 1... 2... KICK OUT! COLE Dragon's had a remarkable run so far, and he certainly doesn't want it to end tonight! Dragon picks James Riggs up. He gives Riggs a vertical suplex! DDD picks Riggs up again. Dragon kicks Riggs in the chest! "OHHHHH!" Dragon kicks Riggs in the stomach! "OHHHHHHH!" Dragon kicks Riggs in the face, knocking him down! "OHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Combo from Dance Dance Dragon! COACH I hope James Riggs rips the mask off of Dance Dance Dragon's face just like he ripped off Spanish Fly's mask and showed his ugly face to the world! Dragon goes for the cover! He gets two! Dance Dance Dragon picks James Riggs up. DDD scoops JR onto his shoulders...and starts spinning around and around and around! COACH Not a stupid Airplane Spin! COLE It is indeed an Airplane Spin, Coach! The Speed Modifier from Dance Dance Dragon! The crowd cheers loudly as the Speed Modifier gets Dragon AND Riggs all dizzy! Dragon finally puts Riggs back on his feet, but the two men are now stumbling across the ring! Staci can only look on with worry as her husband stumbles around the squared circle, his eyes glazed over. COLE That Speed Modifier affected BOTH men! Who's gonna get their bearings first? COACH Come on Riggs! Come on Riggs! Don't let that fool beat you! Dragon picks Riggs up, Riggs elbows DDD in the stomach! COACH Yes! JR punches Dance Dance Dragon in the mask several times. He then switches to forearm shots to the mask. Riggs whips Dragon into the ropes. He follows with a belly-to-back suplex! Riggs goes for the cover! It gets two. JR gets up and starts stomping on Dragon's body! He does this in between taunting the current X-Division Champion. "D! D! D!" "D! D! D!" "D! D! D!" "D! D! D!" COLE These fans are rallying behind Dance Dance Dragon! COACH Ah, what do they know!? Riggs, frustrated now, picks Dragon up. He gives him a gutwrench suplex! Riggs follows that up with an elbow across the chest. He does another elbow across the chest! Then another! And another! Riggs picks Dragon up once again. Riggs gives DDD a Russian Legsweep! Riggs goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! THR--KICK OUT! JAMES RIGGS COME ON REF! COACH Yeah, come on ref! That was a slow count! COLE Oh come on, Coach! COACH What? It's the truth! Riggs argues with the referee, but Mickey Jay still insists it was a two count. Riggs picks up Dragon. He gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. JR puts his head down, so Dragon kicks him in the head, grabs JR, and gives him an Osaka Street Cutter! COLE Osaka Street Cutter! That could do it! DDD goes for the cover, hooking Riggs' right leg! 1... 2... 3!! RIGHT SHOULDER UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COLE Oh! That could have been it! But Riggs put his shoulder up just in the nick of time! COACH Oh come on! I know he can do it! I just know he can! This is his night! COLE That's what you said at AngleSlam! COACH SHUT UP, MICHAEL COLE! Triple D picks James Riggs up. Staci looks on concerned as the OAOAST X-Division Champion kicks the challenger in the stomach with a STIFF kick! He then kicks Riggs in the chest! He then kicks Riggs in the back! He then kicks him in the ass! Dance Dance Dragon finishes with a jumping back kick to the face, knocking JR down! COLE And Dance Dance Dragon is in control once again! James Riggs lies on the mat, so Dragon decides there's no better time than now to bounce off the ropes, stop, shake his shoulders, dusts his right shoulder off, and then drop a Samoa Joe style knee onto James Riggs' face! COLE The Strong Style Shuffle! COACH Oh come on now! DDD goes for the cover! ONE! TWO!! THREE!!! KICK OUT!!! COLE No! He kicked out! COACH Of course he did! It's The Strong Style Shuffle for crying out loud! The crowd boos, thinking that was the finish. Dragon picks JR up and puts him in the tree of woe position. Dragon then exits the ring and climbs the top rope. Dragon plays to the crowd, who cheer, and then jumps off, nailing James Riggs right in the chest with a Double Stomp! COLE Perfect! COACH That wasn't perfect! That was horrible! COLE That's the name of the move, Coach! COACH It's not perfect either! DDD plays to the crowd, who cheer loudly! James Riggs collapses onto the mat, clutching his chest. He now has a hacking cough from the top rope Double Stomp. COLE The X-Division Champion is in control! Dance Dance Dragon has James Riggs down on the mat! Dragon heads on over to the opposite turnbuckle. Suddenly, Staci grabs his right leg! DDD tries to escape, but can't. Staci won't let go of Dragon's right leg! COLE What the--? What's Staci doing? COACH She's in love with him, Cole! COLE Somehow I don't think that's the reason she's doing this. COACH Stop being so negative, Michael! She's in love with Dance Dance Dragon and this is how she's telling him! COLE Again, somehow I doubt this is true! Staci holds a tight grip over Dance Dance Dragon's right leg. Dragon can't seem to escape. Meanwhile, James Riggs is using the second rope to pull himself up. COLE Dragon better be careful. James Riggs is getting up! COACH I wonder how he's going to feel when he sees Staci clawing away at Dance Dance Dragon! COLE Coach, stop it. We both know why she's doing this! COACH Yeah. She's in love! COLE Oh come on! The crowd is desperately trying to warn Dance Dance Dragon that James Riggs is getting up. But Staci holding onto Dragon's right leg is preventing him from seeing Riggs. Riggs is on his left knee. He slowly pulls himself up. COLE Dragon is in a bad way here! COACH She's just trying to hug the guy! Why won't he let her? COLE Will you stop? COACH It's true! Staci loves Dance Dance Dragon! She wants to dance with him...horizontally that is! Folks! James Riggs gets back to a vertical base. He takes a deep breath. He then turns his attention to Dance Dance Dragon. The crowd is at a fever pitch. It is at this that Staci finally lets go of Dragon's right leg. She smiles, acting all innocently. But Dragon has no idea why she did that. Dance Dance Dragon turns his attention to James Riggs-- just in time to see James Riggs charging toward him, then doing a forward cartwheel, finishing by sending his right foot crashing into Dance Dance Dragon's face! COACH He got him! He got him! COLE Rolling Koppou Kick! James Riggs hit Dance Dance Dragon with the Rolling Koppou Kick! COACH Yes! He got him! He got him good too! The crowd boos loudly. Staci applauds her man. JR has a sneer on his face as he looks down at Dragon, who is out cold. James runs his left hand through his hair, and then grabs Dragon. COACH He did it! THAT'S what he should have done at AngleSlam! THAT is how his match at AngleSlam should have ended! COLE And James Riggs is not done yet! COACH Oh boy! What's he got in mind now? Riggs picks Dragon up. He hooks him from behind, applying a Crossface Chicken Wing on him! COLE Crossface Chicken Wing! That's the follow up to the Rolling Koppou Kick! COACH And he's got it on Dance Dance Dragon! The crowd boos. Staci is on her toes. James falls to the mat, still applying the Crossface Chicken Wing on Dragon. He cinches the hold tight. Dragon is not moving. COLE Dragon is out. He is out cold! COACH Yes! Yes! Yes! This is it. THIS IS IT! Referee Mickey Jay checks on Dance Dance Dragon. Dragon is not moving. "DRA-GON!" "DRA-GON!" "DRA-GON!" "DRA-GON!" COLE The crowd trying to bring Dance Dance Dragon back to life! COACH It's not going to work this time! Mickey Jay checks on Dragon. He raises his left arm in the air. It falls. "ONE!" RIGGS COME ON! COME ON! STACI COME ON! Mickey Jay checks on Dragon again. He raises Dragon's left arm in the air again. It falls. "TWO!" COACH Oh boy! This is it! This is it! COLE James Riggs could have the victory right here! COACH He will, Michael! He will! The crowd is buzzing. James Riggs is anxiously awaiting the win. Mickey Jay checks on Dance Dance Dragon a third time. He then raises Dance Dance Dragon's left arm in the air. It falls. "THREE! THAT'S IT! RING THE BELL!" *DING DING DING* (4:05) "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" James Riggs still has the Crossface Chicken Wing applied. That is until Mickey Jay orders Riggs to stop before the count of 5. Riggs stops at four. Staci jumps up and down, absolutely estactic at her husband's victory. "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers starts playing. COLE Dance Dance Dragon has LOST the X-Division Title! We've got a NEW X-Division Champion! COACH Yes! Finally! James Riggs has won his first title in the OAOAST! And it's the X-Division Title! Quite an appropriate title for him! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner...and NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Champion...JAMMMMMEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS RIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Riggs throws Dragon aside and raises his hands in victory. He mouths, "YES! YES! YES!" Staci is applauding on the outside. Mickey Jay raises Riggs' hands in victory again, and then hands him the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt. JR looks at his reflection in the belt, and then hugs it. He then does a fist pump as "Dani California" continues playing. COLE James Riggs with a HUGE victory here tonight, garnering the first belt of his OAOAST career! COACH The first of many more to come, Michael! COLE Dance Dance Dragon put up quite the fight, but in the end, with a little help from Staci, James Riggs has ended Dance Dance Dragon's reign as X-Division Champion! COACH Oh there you go, always being negative! James victory had nothing to do with Staci, all right? That was just a coincidence! It was the Rolling Koppou Kick and Crossface Chicken Wing that did Dragon in. NOT Staci. COLE True. But Staci DID play a part in the victory. You can't deny that. COACH I can, and I will! Staci had nothing to do with this victory! James Riggs won the match on his own, and he is now the NEW X-Division Champion! JR Nation can now celebrate! Their man has got a title! James Riggs raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his head to boos. He yells out, "YESSSSSS!" Riggs gets up and continues raising the X-Division Championship belt over his head. He demands that Mickey Jay raise his hands in victory again. The referee does so. Dance Dance Dragon lies on the mat, a defeated man. COLE James Riggs has bounced back from AngleSlam tonight on HeldDOWN~!, winning the X-Division Title from Dance Dance Dragon! COACH I am VERY much looking forward to his title reign, Cole. VERY much so! COLE It should be an interesting one, Coach. James Riggs has gotten the X-Division Title for the first time in his career and he is certainly happy about that! COACH Of course he is, Cole! Do you expect him to be all sad and emo about winning? What an idiot you are, Cole! James Riggs breathes a sigh of relief. He looks at the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt and hugs it again. JR slings the belt over his left shoulder, and then exits the ring. COLE Wait. Where's he going now? Riggs tells Michael Buffer to get out of his chair. Riggs grabs the chair, folds it up, and then walks back to the ring. COLE Hey. What is he doing! What is he doing!? COACH I don't know. Let's watch! JR enters the ring with the steel chair in his hands. He eyes Dragon with evil intentions. A sinister smile appears on his face. COLE Oh no. Oh no! Don't do this! James, don't do this! Stop! Stop this! COACH No! Let him! Let him! Mickey Jay tries to stop him, but JR shoves him aside. Dance Dance Dragon is about to get up, so James Riggs kicks him in the face! He then chokes him with his left foot! As he does this, JR lifts the steel chair over his head...and smashes it over Dance Dance Dragon's left knee! COLE OH! DAMNIT! STOP THIS! Dance Dance Dragon mines being in pain! Riggs slams the chair over Dragon's left knee again! And again! And again! And again! And again! And again! Mickey Jay calls for the bell, but Riggs isn't paying attention. The crowd boos loudly. "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers has stopped playing. COLE Why is he doing this!? What is the point of all of this!? He already won the match! He's got the Title! He doesn't have to do this! COACH He's doing this for JR Nation, Cole! They're all sick of Dance Dance Dragon, so he's taking him out for all his fans! COLE He doesn't HAVE any fans! JR Nation is bull, Coach! COACH Watch as you have 10,000 JR fans at your door tomorrow, Cole! Riggs still has his left foot over Dragon's throat. Dragon is moving his right leg, but his left leg is at the mercy of James Riggs. Riggs slams the steel chair onto Triple D's left knee again and again, drawing groans from the crowd each time! Staci nods her head with every chairshot. COLE James Riggs is trying to put Dance Dance Dragon on the injured list! What does that say about how he felt about Dragon after tonight's match? COACH That he's even more pathetic then he thought! He's nothing but trash! Good riddance! COLE Oh, will you stop!? Riggs slams the steel chair over Dance Dance Dragon's left knee again and again! Finally, he throws the chair aside! Riggs taunts Dragon, letting him know who the new X-Division Champion is. JR raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt in the air, drawing LOUD boos from the fans. His face is now red, and his hair is all out of place. Still, he doesn't care, because he is now the new OAOAST X-Division Champion. COLE A disgusting display from James Riggs, our new X-Division Champion! COACH If only that was Colombian Heat instead of Dance Dance Dragon, then that image would be even better than it already is! COLE Oh, you are sick, Coach. Sick! COACH Either him or Spanish Fly! COLE Stop it! Please! COACH HA HA! I'm loving this! "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers starts playing again. James Riggs spits on Dance Dance Dragon, and then finally leaves the ring. Dance Dance Dragon clutches his left knee. Even though he's wearing a mask, he obviously is in humongous pain. Mickey Jay checks on Dragon. Meanwhile, Riggs climbs down the ring steps and receives a kiss from Staci. Staci hugs James, a HUGE smile on her face. Riggs hugs Staci with his right arm, and slings the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his left shoulder. COLE Oh yeah. Real nice. She ENJOYED that? How could she have enjoyed that? COACH Her man was showing the world who's boss! That turns her on! COLE What kind of woman is Staci anyway? COACH A fine, foxy woman, Cole. James and Staci taunt some fans at ringside, and then begin their walk up the entrance ramp. Riggs has his right arm over Staci's shoulders, and the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his left shoulder. Staci is hugging James as they walk up the entrance ramp. Staci is grinning, while JR has an evil smile on his face. He chuckles at Dance Dance Dragon's misfortune. The crowd boos loudly. A piece of garbage is thrown in James' general direction. COLE Well, like it or not, James Riggs is the NEW OAOAST X-Division Champion. What a night this has been for him. And as for Dance Dance Dragon...who knows how he's feeling right now? He can't be 100%. Not after that BRUTAL attack! COACH Who cares? The important thing is that James Riggs is now the NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Champion! ALL RIGHT! JR Nation, CELEBRATE! COLE James Riggs will certainly celebrate. He has become the new X-Division Champion tonight on HeldDOWN~! Fans, we'll be right back with more after these messages! COACH Yes! NEW OAOAST X-Division Champion! Excellent! James Riggs and Staci continue their walk up the entrance ramp. Staci is still hugging Riggs and grinning evilly. James has a cocky smirk on his face as he holds Staci with his right hand, and holds the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt with his left hand. The crowd boos loudly. Mickey Jay checks on Dance Dance Dragon as "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers continues playing. James Riggs and Staci exiting through the entrance doors is the last image we see before we fade to black. FADE TO BLACK *COMMERCIAL BREAK* Edited September 7, 2007 by Ed Wood Caulfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Wood Caulfield 0 Report post Posted September 7, 2007 (edited) We return from the commercial break showing the ending of the James Riggs/Dance Dance Dragon OAOAST X-Division Championship Match. A caption appears on the bottom left hand corner reading EARLIER TONIGHT. COLE Back on HeldDOWN~!, and fans, we just witnessed a title change live on HeldDOWN~!. Dance Dance Dragon was defending the OAOAST X-Division Title against James Riggs. Now, Dragon had just given Riggs the Perfect! top rope Double Stomp. He went to a corner, when Staci began grabbing his right leg. COACH She loves him, Michael! COLE Yeah right! Anyway, Staci, James Riggs' wife, held onto Dance Dance Dragon's right leg while James got up. Dance Dance Dragon tried to escape, but couldn't. Finally, Staci let go, and James did the Rolling Koppou Kick on Dragon! Dragon was knocked out cold, but James Riggs still applied the Crossface Chicken Wing on him. The referee raised Dragon's arm three times, three times it fell. The referee called for the bell, and James Riggs became the new X-Division Champion here in Pittsburgh! But then, THIS happened. Cut to James Riggs smashing Dance Dance Dragon's left knee with the steel chair after the match while the bell rings and the crowd boos. COLE James Riggs, after the match, unleashed a BRUTAL, BARBARIC, UNNECCESARY attack on Dance Dance Dragon! He attacked his knee relentlessly. He could have possibly injured Dance Dance Dragon! COACH Well big woop. No real loss. COLE Dance Dance Dragon's career could be put to a halt, Coach! Don't you even care? COACH Not really, no. COLE GRRRR. Cut to trainers and EMTs along with Mickey Jay helping Dance Dance Dragon out of the ring. Dragon holds his left knee in pain. A caption appears on the bottom left hand corner reading DURING THE BREAK. COLE Well, during the break, trainers, EMTs helped Dance Dance Dragon out of the ring. His left knee was obviously in huge pain. Doctors are sure to have a look at it later tonight. COACH But the important thing is...that James Riggs is the NEW OAOAST X-Division Champion! COLE Coach, a man's career could be in jeopardy. Do you even care? COACH Why? It's DANCE DANCE DRAGON! If anything, this is good news as it will stop him from polluting OAOAST rings and send him back to the arcades, where he can play Dance Dance Revolution for as long as he wants by himself! COLE I care, Coach! I hope for the best, but fear for the worst! Dance Dance Dragon's knee might be shredded! COACH Oh boo-hoo! Cry me a river! I'm just glad that the OAOAST X-Division Title is on someone that deserves it for once! COLE You're something else, you know that, Coach? COACH Thank you! COLE Anyway, fans, right now, we're going to go backstage where "Mean" Gene Okeurland is standing by with the NEW OAOAST X-Division Champion, James Riggs! We're going to go to him right now. Gene? Cut to the HeldDOWN~! Interview Set where "Mean" Gene Okeurland is standing by with James Riggs and Staci. James is raising the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his head and yelling out, "YES! YES!" again and again, while Staci applauds and kisses her husband on the cheeks. Riggs is breathing hard but still celebrating his title victory. "MEAN" GENE OKEURLAND I'm here with the brand new OAOAST X-Division Champion, James Riggs. And JR, you defeated Dance Dance Dragon just a few minutes ago to win that Title...but then afterwards, did a HELLACIOUS attack on Dragon's left knee! What in the world was that for? JAMES RIGGS That was a message. A message to everybody in the One And Only AngleSault Thread. James Riggs is for real and James Riggs is staying for a LONNNNG time! I have finally gotten a Title in the OAOAST, and what a Title this is! The X-Division Title! A Title that should have been mine back in April has finally come home! This feels great, "Mean" Gene! After I was unfairly, unethically, ROBBED, SCREWED out of the 24/7 Title at AngleSlam, I came right back! I got back on the horse! I dusted myself off! And I defeated Dance Dance Dragon to become YOUR NEW X-Division Champion! JR Nation can celebrate again! There IS joy in JR Nation tonight! For I am coming home with some gold around my waist! WOOOOO! James kisses Staci. He raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his head again. STACI YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT! RIGGS My only regret is that that PUNK, that THUG, that LOW LIFE, Colombian Heat wasn't the man I beat! My only regret is that it wasn't him that I attacked with that chair! My only regret is that it's not Colombian Heat who will be sitting on the shelf indefinitely! If only it could have been him, then this night would have been absolutely perfect! But I can't complain! I have some gold now, and-- "YO DUDE!" The camera pans over to reveal COLOMBIAN HEAT standing next to the HeldDOWN~! Interview Set. The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat has the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. He has a serious look on his face. Heat walks over to where Riggs and Staci are standing. JR's smile has faded. He now has a sneer etched on his face, same with Staci. Riggs slings the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his left shoulder. Colombian Heat and James Riggs stand face-to-face, each man holding a title. "Mean" Gene puts the microphone underneath Colombian Heat's lips. COLOMBIAN HEAT I saw what'chu did out there. Real nice. Attackin' a man after tha match. You already won. What more did you need to prove? RIGGS Dance Dance Dragon got my message. Did you? HEAT Yeah. I got yo' message. Dat you need yo' woman to help you win matches! RIGGS Oh real funny, Heat. You and I both know that I should be the 24/7 Champion right now! I was ROBBED at AngleSlam! If it weren't for your little boyfriend, THAT belt (points to the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt) would be around my shoulder too right about now! HEAT Oh bitch! Bitch! Bitch! Dat's all you do! Complain about what's been done! That's weak, G! Stop livin' in the past, son! What's done is done! Live wit it! RIGGS Oh I'll live with it all right! With this! (points to the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt) But you, Heat, have to live with the fact that YOU. CAN'T. BEAT. ME! YOU CAN NEVER BEAT ME! YOU NEVER COULD AND YOU NEVER WILL! Colombian Heat chuckles. HEAT You know, I'm REALLY startin' to get sick of you! Sick of you runnin' yo' mouth. Tell you what I'ma gonna do. Next week, I want you to put yo' money where your mouth is. I'll face you in a match for the 24/7 Title! But this will be your final shot, a'ight? After that, no mo'. I don't wanna deal wit you no mo'! RIGGS That's cool. That's real cool, 'G'. I'll gladly accept that challenge. And in fact, I am SO confident that I will beat you...I'm going to go ahead and put the X-Division Title on the line too! Title for Title. Champion vs. Champion. Winner Takes All! One man leaves with both Titles...the loser leaves with none! How's that sound? HEAT Dat sounds mighty fine, dawg! RIGGS So, we got ourselves a deal? HEAT Ain't no thang but a chicken wang, son! RIGGS I'll take that as a 'Yes'. HEAT Fine. I'll see youse next week! RIGGS I'll see you then. And may the best man win! Riggs puts his right hand out. Colombian Heat is hesitant, and so is the crowd, but then accepts the handshake. But then James Riggs pulls Heat in, and the two get into a staredown. Both men eye each other IN ANGER~! breathing hard. Staci watches in the middle. "MEAN" GENE OKEURLAND How about that? What a match for next week's HeldDOWN~! Champion vs. Champion! Colombian Heat vs. James Riggs! It's the 24/7 Champion vs. the X-Division Champion! Winner Takes All! What a match that's going to be! Michael, Coach, back to you! Cut to Sofa Central with Jonathan "Da Coach" Coachman and Michael Cole. COLE What an announcement we just heard! A Champion vs. Champion match next week on HeldDOWN~! Colombian Heat puts the 24/7 Title on the line against James Riggs and his X-Division Title! This rivalry has certainly *heated* up, no pun intended! COACH Today just keeps getting better for my man, Riggs! JR got the X-Division Title tonight, and next week, he FINALLY gets the 24/7 Title! He's going to show the world that AngleSlam was just a slight road block for JR! It's smooth sailing for James Riggs from now on! HA HA! COLE James Riggs gets another shot at the 24/7 Championship next week! Will he add another belt to his collection? Or will his X-Division Championship reign last exactly one week? What a match that's certainly going to be! James Riggs vs. Colombian Heat! Title for Title! Champion vs. Champion! Winner Takes All! It's going to happen next week on OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Fans, that's all the time we have for this week's HeldDOWN~!. We'll see you all next week for more exciting OAOAST action! For Jonathan Coachman, I'm Michael Cole, saying so long from Pittsburgh and we'll see you next week from Dayton, Ohio for more HeldDOWN~! COACH Peace out y'all! FADE OUT Edited September 7, 2007 by Ed Wood Caulfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
