Coffin Surfer

The mere sight of Danny Williams’ adjusting his elbow pad brings the Tokyo Dome to its feet as one. Sizing his dazed foe up, he rockets off the ropes, leveling one last Japanese hopeful with his legendary Axe Bomber! The poor fool goes head over badly cut mullet, somersaulting to the canvas in a pile of twitching humanity. The pin is academic and soon Williams is posing with a proverbial wardrobe of belts and trophies. An endless mass of reporters crowd the ring, swarming the most dominant wrestler in the country. One lucky and very skinny announcer wiggles through the hordes, earning the attention of the reigning Triple Crown Champion. Stroking his grizzly beard, the battle tested warrior peers into the camera with fierce blue eyes while security clears away the rest of the reporters. The reporter nervously approaches the beastly built 6'2" Champion, clinching his microphone with trembling white knuckles. "Mr. Welleums, now thuh you havuh beat the best in Jupun, whuh is in your futuruh!" he asks with a terrified flinch. Speaking with a gravely growl, Williams coldly replies, "I'd say it's time I took a little trip back to the motherland." "THE SWF!?" exclaims the excited report. "That's right. At Genesis VII I will be issuing an open challenge to anybody in the SWF who thinks they’ve got what it takes to step into the ring with the best in the world. Anybody on the roster, I don’t if it’s some bitter old punk who wants to settle an old score, a peer who never got their chance to face me at my best, a legend that wants to prove a point, or even an unknown who wants to make a name for themselves." Ok....who's game?

Danny = Rane? Perhaps trained with Landon on the finer points of wrestling on stilts? Continuity aside, this is pretty awesome. AXU BOMBAAAAAAH!! Using my real height now as the original character was a Dynamite Kid clone but since he's gone in a different direction since than there's no point keeping him a vanilla midget.

"RIP Whitney Conway Ellsworth. " Fucking tragic Deadwood, didn't see that coming.

Flopped on his couch, Williams struggles to pry open a bottle of hooch. Glancing up, he finds TNT strolling around his apartment; lines of disgust forming on his face. The years have been much kinder to TNT, who in addition to having gained some bulk appears to still be in ring shape. Turning to Williams, he barks, "What the hell are you doing here!?" "I'm trying to have a drink." Williams' belches back. Williams feels the bottle slip out of his hand as TNT snatches it with ease! With a mighty throw, TNT hurls it into the wall. Danny sees the bottle smash against a poster from his World Title days, the glass shattering into sharp shiny pieces on the floor, the cheap whiskey soaking into it. Seeing the last image he has of himself absorbed and destroyed by booze in metaphoric carnaged, Williams collapses to his knees in tears. "Don't you understand how lucky you are!" screams TNT,"Your not injured, your not brain damaged, you can still be what you were! The only thing holding you back is a broken ego! So what you lost, we all do, so stop, wallowing around in pity! I'm TNT, I'm Dynamite, watch me explode!" Williams continues to sob. "I'm TNT, watch me explode!" Raising his head, Williams mutters the famous rock chorus. TNT shouts it louder, raising his voice to a rumbling growl. Rising to his feet, Williams imitates him with increasing soul in his voice. Soon their both shouting the song together in a manly off key growl. (Your the "Best Around" from the Karate Kid booms) Williams and TNT are sprinting side by side on a beach! Beneath their skimpy, spandex shorts and work out shirts, lean and fit muscles bulge with strain as they run as hard as they can. Their neck and neck when Williams pulls away, his veins pulsating under his thin skin. Williams wins the race and the two leap into the air, embracing in slow motion as the waves crash behind them. The image fades out, revealing a grumpy Danny Williams seated in a talk show set beside Jay Leno, slumped over his desk. Squeeling in his infamous annoying voice, Leno,"So that was a clip from you new movie...eh...eh...it looks good." "It's a piece of (bleep)" snarls Williams. "Wasn't it wrote by that creepy kind of gay guy that used to do commentary on your matches?" "Yeah, my role was originally to go to Tom Flesher but he flat out refused it." answers Williams bitterly. "Is it true, you uh......left wrestling because of the roid scandals?" asks Leno carefully. "Nah, I just prefer working in Japan." "So uh...uh...any chance of you returning to wrestling in America?" "When I (bleep)ing feel like it." Turning to the camera, Leno nervously smiles. "So the movie's called uh....uh....Your the Best Around:The Return."

"The term is 'written'." Actually it should be "did" instead of "do." "Know that I mean that in a good way, dude. You're inspiration to people like us everywhere~! " Keep in mind these are goofy thrown together promos. Besides, if the match or promo is intelligble and well written in the dramatic sense than who gives a fuck about the comas and spelling? That's what editors are for and I don't think were getting any of this shit published. Robert E. Howard had worse grammar than any fuck up you'll find in this promo and his stories still kicked ass. "If this leads to an actual comeback, it's even better." I'm not coming back to a grammar whorehouse. Seriously, it's something I would like to do if I had more time but right now that's not gonna happen. I wouldn't rule out a one shot, "Old Man Hogan" type fued sometime soon though. "WATCH ME EXPLODE!!!!!!!!" Don't tell me how to write TNT, I was his damn mentor for crying out loud.

So did I have something other than "watch me explode" written or do I just forget to put it in caps? Yeah, lots of grammar errors as this was wrote quickly with no proof reading.

Big John Studd stopped the Hulk Up by booting him out of the ring. Misawa would probably be unstoppable as he's a master high flyer, the best striker capable of knocking out larger men like Hansen with his elbow smashes, has the deadliest moves that can put away anybody, can take incredible punishment, and a smart survior who can win when he's hurt or injured.

"Dustin definately was in some great tag matches from 92-94. I don't know if it shows how good he was or that he was usually in the ring with some great wrestlers. Decide for yourself. " That would be true if you didn't watch the matches and went by what was on paper. Austin found his way into quite a few well regarded matches from that era too, problem is outside of Wargames 92 he was heavily smothered by the other workers and when he had breathing room his contributions didn't exactly "make the match." It's actually just a question of watching a match and seeing what the wrestler in quesiton is actually contributing and if his contributions are what made the match so enjoyable.

"Steamboat v. Muta in NWA '89. They may have wrestled on house shows, I don't know. I do know they wrestled each other in Japan, but I haven't seen the matches. Maybe not a big money match, but the workrate would be off the richter scale." The only match I've seen them work in New Japan was horrid. They don't work with each other in the way one would expect as they seem content with: my spots, your spots, let's go home. The finishing run is simply Steamboat sluggishly dragging Muta through his by now cliche shoulder block/roll up spots to the digust of a New Japan heavy crowd that had been trained to accept big strikes, submissions, and suplexes as climatic nearfalls. My version is thankfully JIP as from my understanding the match features an infamous five minute leg lock which wouldn't surprise me much as both are known for that sort of thing. 89 in the NWA could have been another story but it's hard to say as they seemed to have alwayd had an approach that would most likely bring out the worse in each other. Sad since their athletic potential could create something special. "Good to see Dustin's career get the attention it deserves." Happy to oblige.

Diamanda Galas-Dancing in the Dark The menacing piano and her terrifying vocal gymnastics making for one of the scariest listening experiences ever. Love Will Tear Us Apart-Swans The organ and Jarboe's delicate vocal approach leaves a bittersweet impression the more upbeat original couldn't create that well. Black Eyed Dog-Swans Jarboe turns the sad gloom of the original into paranoid/horror that fits the lyrics just as good.

Another great Deadwood with tensions boiling throughout. Al punching his dumb lackie for figuring out Woo's map first was classic.

"I just watched that part of the match again. It wasn't nearly as bad as I remembered. I think I was looking too hard to find something wrong with the match. I'll probably never be a fan of a wrestler shrugging off moves to transition (I just think there are better ways), but it wasn't badly done here." Cool. "I still don't think Misawa being superior applies in that match though, because Kawada seemed to be the better man on that night, and only lost because he failed to capitalize on his chances well enough, and then Misawa busted out his super finisher. " Eh....Kawada was never even close to being Misawa's equal on any night, let alone the better man. They created the impression that Kawada essentially wrestled the perfect match, stretched Misawa's injury as far as he could go, only to still fail to put him away and find himself in serious peril. When the slate is wiped clean at the end of the match and they seemingly have even ground....Misawa comes out on top yet again. It's pretty apparent Kawada is fucked and had nothing left to give before the Super Finisher, of course he was still resisting. It's not exactly Funk dropping Jumbo's throat on the ropes because he was in danger of losing. Misawa dropped the big one because he had to find a way to keep him down for good but it's obvious he has full control. Of course were led to believe a third Powerbomb might have been the answer but Kawada doesn't have it in him to hit it. He even smartly follows it up by trying the Stretch Plum and after getting as much as he possibly can out of it, Misawa survives, comes back and puts in him serious peril.

"guess. I wasn't really looking for any continued selling at that point since Misawa had hit about 20 elbow shots by then without flinching." Not sure if anyone cares anymore but after watching the match in question for the first time in a while I can say that Misawa only hits two elbows after the initial arm work. He sells the arm heavily after both. Perhaps, your thinking of the wrong match as they did meet several times and they used a great deal of arm work in several of them. Misawa uses more elbows during his final run some time later but continues to sell and uses his left arm far more than he usually does(actually resulting in Kobashi openings). He's even holding it after the Tiger Driver 91. He even sells it after the final elbow during the post match stuff. I really dig how he pumps himself before the final elbow, like "this is gonna hurt like hell but it's the only way." I can say this might be one of the best selling performances ever actually now that I think about it. I know how you feel though I thought the same thing when I first saw the match ages ago. I was fixated on "limb psychology" always met the limb was dead after being worked on and was confused by the finish. Though it sounds cliche, you just have to keep an open mind, forget the story you want the wrestlers to tale and understand the story they are actually trying to tale.

I guess. I wasn't really looking for any continued selling at that point since Misawa had hit about 20 elbow shots by then without flinching. I'm not gonna walk you through it because I shouldn't have to but Misawa is selling the arm throughout his entire offensive run following the peril. I also recall him going out of his way to avoid using it by doing leg offense like a Twisting Dropkick and Pescado Leg attack he wasn't known for to buy his arm recovery time. And how does he try to finish Kobashi off after his arm gives out on the Tiger Driver? The Diving Neckbreaker Drop that uses his left arm which plays right into Kobash's hands, given him a huge opening to put Misawa in serious peril. Not pointless at all. Misawa isn't gonna stop using the arm completely because it's just part of his character. Him going on to win with the elbow is kind of a "you can't stop me." gesture at the end. I'm sure some will find that "convoluted" but that's how the psychology in the company works. If that offends you and you think Misawa should have won with a kick or something, than stay clear of All Japan as it's a common drama device in their matches. The fans want to see the face fight throught the pain and overcome, not run from it and work around it.

"I've heard that as well. I don't think it's playing off the previous match per se, as much as it's just a gimmick to use in the later stages of a match to cue a comeback. " Which is why Misawa only used it against Kawada. Of course it's their version of the traditional face comeback but I don't think it's ever been done that well. Again, you ignore that Misawa blocked the kicks before coming back anyway. "Whatever convoluted reasoning someone wants to come up with (I don't mean you), " I don't think Misawa simply being far superior is convoluted, it's fairly straightforward and the basis for their entire fued. "Yea, it did end up being kind of pointless. The reasoning behind the strategy was sound, it just didn't lead to anything at all." It gave Kobashi a crutch to put Misawa in peril. Everyone knew that Kobashi was dropping the title to Misawa but the injury gave the fans doubt and resulted in Orange Crush's hottest run of nearfalls/submissions. I think he get's more heat for the Fujiwara Armbar than the Powerbomb variants at the end. "I wonder if they played up any reason why Kobashi stopped the arm work. " Kobashi seemed to have stretched the arm work as far as it could go and went for the Lariat only to injure his own arm. "Misawa shakes off 10 minutes of arm work after about 2 elbow shots, thus making the work pointless since it doesn't factor into the story in a meaningful way. " "My main problem is that the point of Kobashi working the right arm would presumably be to slow down the elbow assault and/or make it hard to execute the Tiger Driver." I guess you missed the Tiger Driver pin badly failing because of his arm.

They had two excellent matches at the Garden on 11/91 and 12/91 that I'm happy with.

The corner spot is THE BEST most defining moment of 6/3/94, it's the climax of their entire fued for crying out loud! Thanks to the neck injury, Kawada had pushed Misawa further than he ever has before, resulting in a stalemate. They have the big staredown and Kawada gets the jump on Misawa and they fuck with the crowd by having him go down and get his head knocked around in the corner. For a few seconds it looks like he's fucked until Misawa does what he's done so many times before, rise up and destroy Kawada for no other reason than he's simply the better man. Kawada got the early advantage but in the long run he can't hang with Misawa and keep him down. Misawa is that superior to him. It's the whole point of the damn fued! Kawada can have all the heart in the world, all the luck in the world, cheat like a mother fucker, have the drop on Misawa and he'll still lose because Misawa is simply that much better. The corner spot is the one of many graphic representations of this storyline but it's perhaps the most poweful and memorable. 6/3/94 is dick without it. (you heard me.) And for fuck's sake, Misawa blocks the kicks before coming back! "It supposedly mirrors an earlier Jumbo/Misawa match where Misawa is destroying him in the corner and Jumbo just no-sells and lariats the shit out of him, establishing Misawa as a fiery youngster, but Jumbo as still 'the man'. " Hard to say. Misawa and Kawada obviously played with imagery from the Jumbo/Tenryu matches throughout their fued. The short/pudgy Kawada wearing his former leader's colors and using his Powerbomb/kicks where as the tall Misawa uses Jumbo's elbows and wears his elbow pad. Is the corner spot a play off Jumbo/Misawa 9/90? Not likely as Jumbo was a heel in this match, knocking the young face back into his role. 6/3/94 is the face rallying to put away his toughest opponent. The execution of both spots is vastly different as well. It's possible but it's just too vague of a connection. "Now, years later, Kawada is the fiery newcomer and Misawa is 'the man'." Uh No. Kawada was far from a new comer. Him and Misawa were peers as far as wrestling experience. Kawada was his long time tag partner turned jealous, grumpy rival.

" As a singles wrestler the guy hardly ever scraped above ***, though he was in some really good tag matches with Windham and Co." Like Windham, he was one of the best tag wrestlers during that era. (not just in the US but world wide!) That counts for a hell of alot in my book. The highest I have him is about **** at the 94 Dustin/Vader match. A lack of time and Vader rapidly slowing down is the only thing holding it back from blowing the Sting matches away as Dustin clearly has far more to offer. Dustin/Arn 92 is another short gem that I have in the upper *** range. As is Dustin/Foley. "Comparing Davey Boy and Bret isn't really fair....Bulldog as a singles wrestler was more of a power wrestler with some traces left of his technical skill." If I was judging who had the better hammerlock reversal that would probably be a factor. Seriously, I haven't seen anything that would suggest Smith could build a good match like Bret. Vader had to suffocate him with bumps and stooge spots to carry him, and Hart had to drag him through the Summerslam at the expense of it's quality. " As far as his quality matches go, the SS 92 match with Bret is an all time classic in my book. " Again, this is the last match I would use to pimp Smith(see the Smith thread which should be a few notches down actually.) "The Dec. 95 IYH match is killer too and worked in a totally different, more brutal style." I haven't seen in it a while but I don't recall digging it too much outside of seeing Hart work such an offense heavy match and bleed all over the place. Probably due for a re-watch but I don't recall Smith being too impressive outside of a few cool bumps. I remember bland heel work like "Look, I'm a heel and I'm desperately pulling his hair because that's what stooges do." Not exactly as compelling as Henning or Owen taking short cuts to create the impression their outmatched by Bret. If I'm not mistaken Bret also loans out a bunch of spots to Smith like the Piledriver and his own criss cross sequences from the Summerslam match to carry him through it. " I wish I had Owen/Bulldog Euro title from Raw on tape, but have just seen highlights on the weekend show." I recall liking it at the time, can't recall details though. "When Dustin became Goldust it was kind of hard to put him as a serious contender to the belt." Yeah, I think it's safe to say his best days where behind him. Wasn't also slowed down by injuries before jumping to the WWF> "He never had the "it" factor like Sting to become a world champion, but was a very solid worker to at least have a chance to go for the heavy-weight belt." Well, Sting had been around for a while, was booked well, and to his credit kept up with the times by adding more exciting moves to his offense. I think Dusitn actually had more natural charisma to be honest and I'm a huge Sting fan.

This would imply a limitation of talent which I don't see any evidence of. Dustin often held his own and more against WCW's best workers Vader and Windham. Eh.....Arn Anderson was stuck in tags and the midcard for most of his career and the guy was brilliant so, I really don't see that as much of a criticism of their ability.

"I too find Dustin's early 90s WCW stuff underrated but he's never been the best at anything. " I'm not one to break things down but: Who was a better US heavyweight bumper than Dustin during that timeframe? Vader or HBK....maybe but that's it and were talking heels there. Who had more fire? Who played a better face in peril in all those classic tags? I would also he got the more out of Vader, Arn, and Foley than any other face I can think of from that timeframe. Not even Sting really. Have you seen the Sting/Dustin vs. Vader/Windham tag from 93 is it? Sting has great singles matches with Vader and Windham and he never worked with either of them as well as Dustin does in this match. I'm a big fan of the firey underdog and outside of Jun Akiyama, I don't think anybody nailed the role as well as Dustin. So you can say he was one of the best at that in the US at the very least. " It's amusing to hear how Davey Boy is a "lesser worker" and then pimp the hell out of Dustin." You think Smith is on par with Bret? I haven't seen anything that impressive from Smith to be honest. I have: Smith/Bret 92 and 95 Smith/Vader 93 Some old Bulldog tags. I haven't seen his matches with Owen or HBK from mid 90s run in some time so maybe I'm missing something there. "It's amusing that Hogan has this rep for being such an 80s star when in my view some of his strongest work came in 1990-91." He was very motivated during that timeframe. I really enjoy the Flair/Taker matches.

"Also, where would you put Bret Hart? To me while he wasn't in that era, his work in the 90s makes him a candidate for being a top babyface." Sorry not a huge Bret fan. While he was great at putting together matches it seems to me as though he needed his opponent to bring the necessary drama to really elevate it...Henning, Owen, Piper...etc. His matches with lesser workers like Smith were fun but lacked the special x factor if you will. I can't recall his matches with Nash but I still hear good things about them. As far as 90s US babyfaces, I like 92-94 Dustin Rhodes the best.

"I'd like to know what makes you think Lawler is the best face of that era CS." The elusive combination of sympathy and vengenace. I don't think any face combined the two as better as Lawler did. Steamboat/Morton were great at the sympathy part but they couldn't work a payback spot to save their life. Both have their moments but in general couldn't get that aspect down. You still have stuff like Morton apparently oblivious to the fact that Savage tried to kill him with a Piledriver in their previous match or Steamboat paying Savage back for injuring his throat with armdrags and roll ups like it's any other match. Not exactly the most engaging characters in that regard. Hogan was great at working payback spots and blood fueds but vunerability was never his strength for obvious reasons. Lawler could do both exceptionally well, plus he has the everyman appeal that eludes all of them. Not to mention, he was a great worker who performed in some of the best matches of the 80s against Funk, Bockwinkle, and Dundee. And the best non match being the strapmatch against Idol. And after a rewatch: Yes the decision is overturned in the Flair/Hogan meeting to set up the awesome rematch.

"Did you enjoy the Baywatch crossover for the Hogan vs Vader feud?" I enjoy Baywatch in general actually but that's beside the point. I won't deny Hogan's face run in WCW for the most part was ass but let's not pretend he invented the crappy overbooked Vader Main Event. Ric Flair beat him to the punch a good year before with Superbrawl 94. And yes, Superbrawl 95 is a good match that kills the Main Event the year before and Hogan's performance is the difference.

"From the time he entered WCW in 1994 the company went downhill from the bad PPVs that featured Hogan vs Vader " How does a Main Event as terrible as Vader vs. Flair Superbrawl 94 get off the hook? Can we blame Hogan for that. Yeesh. At least Hogan/Vader Superbrawl 95 was a good match.

"Thanks so much for that. But if you had actually read the original post, you would have seen that the point of the thread seems to be to about stuff that exposes the business moreso than the basic, contrived "rules" of wrestling do. So Fear Havoc is pretty much the only person who doesn't have the right idea. Well, until that post anyway." Well Rando seems to have the right idea as well. The issue is that most of the posters in this thread don't seem to understand the so called contrived rules of wrestling and are listing them as "Business Exposing." Ex: The People's Elbow, No selling face comebacks: HBK and Hogan being listed, and Macho Man not completely following through with the Axe Handle!? Why don't you read the rest of the thread or your own post? Sorry if you disagree but I feel most anything in the whacky world of pro-style wrestling can be considered "Business Exposing." making such a term a very vague, useless criticism. I don't think people would say "HHH/Stiener from the Rumble" sucked because it reminded them that wrestling is fake. I think people's main problem is that it was a directionless, boring, piece of shit, that failed to deliver any capitivating drama.