WrestlingDeacon

OK, guess I'll do WCW 1995 too. 1) Paul Roma vs. Alex Wright (Super Brawl-for the fasinating way Roma shoots on Wright) 2) Brian Pillman vs. Johnny B. Badd (Fall Brawl) 3) Cutie Suzuki & Mayumi Ozaki v. Bull Nakano & Akira Hokuto (World War III) 4) Shinjiro Ohtani v. Eddy Guerrero (Starrcade) 5) US Title: Meng vs. Sting (Bash) 6) Ric Flair vs. Arn Anderson (Fall Brawl) 7) World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Van Vader (Super Brawl) (I would have put Sting vs. Luger vs. Flair from Starrcade on here, but I needed them elsewhere. '95 was a bad year.)

Ok, I'll pick up WCW 1994 then. 1) TV Title: Lord Steven Regal vs. Johnny B. Badd (Fall Brawl) 2) Arn Anderson vs. Dustin Rhodes (Halloween Havoc) 3) Terry Funk vs. Tully Blanchard (Slamboree) 4) WCW World Tag Team Titles: The Nasty Boys vs. Cactus Jack and Kevin Sullivan (Slamboree) 5) US Title: Steve Austin vs. Ricky Steamboat (Bash at the Beach) 6) Gold Belt Title: Sting vs. Vader (Slamboree) 7) WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan (Halloween Havoc)

I will resist my urge to link him to the American Ninja movies and instead point out that he was trained by SHAWN MICHAELS.

Nah, I already had the drive to win. You just gave me a good laugh. Thanks.

Hey, I live in Zanesville and know a guy in Detroit. ROAD TRIP!

Looking over Bronson's filmography, I never realized how many great films, especially great guy films, he was in. The man did The Dirty Dozen, The Great Escape and The Magnificent Seven before becoming a bankable leading action man in the 1970's when he was already in his fifities.

As far as giving a move a nickname, Snuka's finisher was known as the Superfly Splash at least as far back as the early eighties and Larry Hennig's clothesline, which was also used by Hulk Hogan, was known as the Axe (Axe Bomber by Hogan) I want to say since the sixties.

who recently lost PAUL LONDON to the WWE.

Change your name to Lou Gehrig and be "The Disease."

and he started out with ECW as a TIMEKEEPER on spot shows.

Jackie Gleason probably has the record for the guy most edited in a movie. They changed about every other word whenever he spoke and invented new words to cover, like 'scumbum' and 'ticktoad'

Hair of the Dog by Nazareth

The worst editing of "fuck" or a derivitive there of was in JFK where Kevin Bacon calls everyone and everything a mother fucker and they change it to "mother fletcher." Leading to sentences like "those fletching mother fletching fletchers." As far as content goes, I learned in my analysis last week for UHF that Comedy Central cuts out the part where the poodles get tossed out the window, Conan the Libarian splits the guy in half and where RJ is kneed in the balls by the old lady. Is there a need for any of that?

The greatest constant cheap heat gimmick of all time was Nikolai Volkoff singing the Russian National Anthem before every match. That would drive fans insane. Also, the Honky Tonk Man always keeping the IC Title by intentional DQ or count out was absolute genius.

who was born in OHIO.

Now doesn't everyone who bet against me just feel stupid?

Martha Washington started out as a background singer for Sylvester in the late seventies and then was one half of the Weather Girls which did It's Raining Men. She was around for years before the ninties stuff where they had models lip sinching her.

you could have linked Queer Eye to anybody with a gay gimmick, like LENNY AND LODI, who were also favorites of Vince Russo's while in WCW.

who fought SKINNER at Wrestlemania VIII.

and FREDDIE BLASSIE'S last words on WWE t.v. was to tell D-Von to get the tables.

which is probably more fun than being tossed off of a LADDER every third pay per view.

Sorry for the delay in getting the next show up. I want to do about two shows a week, but have been caught up with some stuff this past week. I’ve also been goofing around on EWR with an all women’s fed and, yes, I did name it GLOW. I’d post it here, but it’s too painful to be funny. Although the all chick wargames was a sight to behold and match of the year thus far is a first blood encounter between Gail Kim and Victoria at ¾ of a star. Most nights I average -* and disgust Dames so much he can’t get it up to all the poontang on screen. HSW Pretty Kittens for Wednesday, September 11 2003 Live from the Big Rock Candy Mountain Hosts: Kevin Kelly and Todd Keneley Elizabeth Borden corners Deacon in the back spiking the complimentary bowl of Hawaiian Punch for the kiddies. She is not happy with his first show as color commentator on The Happy Fun Hour. He said hell 16 times, fart 12 times and referred to the Unfathomable Slag as a “Hell-Fart.” Deacon is sorry, he’s still trying to work out the bugs (you never know what you bring back in your luggage from Mexico) and get used to the new style. To make it up to her, Deacon would like to present Borden with her own pet and mascot for the program, a pretty kitten. Borden looks a little suspicious, she’s especially perplexed by the cat being soaking wet. “What am I supposed to do with a wet pussy?” Deacon shrugs, “I’m sure you have plenty of experience dealing with a wet pussy by yourself.” SpongeBob BacklundPant waddles up in his suit and starts playing with the cat. Borden screams, “stop stroking my wet pussy.” Backlund looks crestfallen, “If I had a nickel for every time a woman told me that, I’d have $4.75.” Segment Rating: 78% ELVIS WORE A CAPE AND COULD MAKE FOOD DISAPPEAR SINGLES MATCH The Great Chetti-Etti! vs Bilvis Wesley. Match Background: None. The Match: STIFF high kick on Bilvis by The Great Chetti-Etti!. The Great Chetti-Etti! snap suplexes Bilvis HARD to the canvas! And again! A pair of clotheslines follow and...yep, Chetti is a HOUSE...EN...FUEGO~! Powerslam from The Great Chetti-Etti! on Bilvis. Tor-NADO DDT from The Great Chetti-Etti!, Bilvis got planted! The Great Chetti-Etti! moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Magic Wedgie. 1....2...3, it's finished. Winner: The Great Chetti-Etti! My Opinion: DUD. I refuse to say any more about it. (Chetti was losing heat because of his weak gimmick, that being the cousin to Tazz. Although I’m sure if I could bring Tazz in and make him spin around like a top while slobbering, it would help to get them both over. Actually, that’s how Tammy Sytch was going to come in, but then I would wind up having to foot her rehab bills after a month. Borden got into her book of “Craptastic Gimmicks bought from Vince McMahon” and found that we had the rights to Phantasio and his dreaded Magic Wedgie finisher. Chetti is now a children’s magician available for birthday parties, graduations and bar mitzvahs. Although let him know that it’s a bar mitzvah in advance so he can take out the “box full of Hitlers” trick.) Overall Rating: 46% Crowd Reaction: 37% Match Quality: 56% The returning Honky Tonk Orton walks through the back to find Bilvis Wesley post match. He has a match with Jimmy Jack Spock tonight after attacking him on the Happy Fun Hour and wants to make sure that the Memphis Mafia is ready to back him up. Well…there’s a small problem with that. After Borden took over, she cut Disgraceland and the Honky Tonk Man and disbanded the Mafia, saying that they were not suitable for children. They can change the word Mafia to something less violent like a group or a gang or a murder, like crows. A Memphis Murder. No, no, no, that wasn’t her problem. She thought the whole Elvis, honky tonk thing was too outdated for children and wanted Bilvis to come up with something more modern that the kids could relate to. Bilvis ushers Orton into their new dressing room, which turns out to be a giant dance floor with spinning strobe lights and “Boogie Fever” playing. Two guys run up in leisure suits, one wearing a lucha mask that he picked up at Psychosis’ garage sale. Bilvis would like to introduce Disco Fury and Disco Machine, the Disco Ducks and together, they are THE DISCO HONKIES! All the swinging tikes love disco. Orton hangs his head and asks for a fistful of ‘ludes while the guys start dancing. Wait, why didn’t Bilvis get fired? “I got Lizzy some milk for her wet pussy.” She didn’t have the cat then. “Cat…yeah…riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.” Segment Rating: 77% RICK DEES INVITATIONAL TAG MATCH Irish Wolfhounds vs Disco Ducks. Match Background: None. The Match: SUPER frankensteiner on Machine, who hit hard and is loopy as a result. Machine tags out to Disco Fury. Disco Fury takes a flying neckbreaker from Davey Man Smith. Tag to The Nitroglycerin Kid. Flying reverse elbow by The Nitroglycerin Kid. Tag between Disco Fury and Disco Machine. Machine takes a NICE hurrancarana from The Nitroglycerin Kid. DDT from the top rope by The Nitroglycerin Kid. That looked KILLER. Disco Machine is all alone...Stereo Super Kick!! 1....2....3! The Really, Really New Midnight Express come running down the aisle with chairs! They slide in behind Irish Wolfhounds...and drop them with stereo chair shots! The Really, Really New Midnight leave the ring, the damage done. Winners: The Irish Wolfhounds My Opinion: *1/4 rating. Don't be upset. There are people in third world countries who can barely afford one star, let alone one and a quarter. (With all this stereo stuff going on the Disco Ducks will have to hook up their quadraphonic sound. Our test marketing shows that children have short attention spans and that’s why the first two matches have been so short. The Ritalin truck is being held up at the state border. Post match the Disco Ducks start shucking and jiving to scare off the other teams. Orlando Jordan thinks about hanging out, because shucking and jiving might be ostentatious of him, possibly even obsequious, purple and clairvoyant. It’s hard to work a gimmick when you don’t know what it is. Hypoglycemic Harry Smith raids the Disco Honkies dressing room in hopes that their seventies obsession has left Devil Dogs and Tab lying around. Ok, that’s an O word, can’t I just be Obsessive? No! The kids need to learn of Ostentaciousness, whatever that might be.) Overall Rating: 56% Crowd Reaction: 37% Match Quality: 75% Terry Funk runs out to the ring with his underpants on his head and T’Pol giving chase. T’Pol tries to drag him away, but he kicks and punches at her and demands a microphone. He wants a match with Kaos the Blue Fairy TONIGHT! There’s really no reason to capitalize ‘tonight,’ I thought it might make things seem more interesting than they are. Kaos comes out to the top of the entrance stage and throws Peppermint Patties to the kids from his fairy basket (I want to make that sound kinkier, but not sure how). Kaos says that Funk is not man enough to face him, this coming from a guy wearing a skirt. It’s not a skirt it’s a lower body frock. Ok, how is that less gay? Uh…er…Terry Funk has underwear on his head! T’Pol has been reading Funk the Captain Underpants books before going to bed at night and he is drawing inspiration from his hero. His underpants give him courage. His underpants give him pride. His underpants smell like rotten cheese and poopy. THAT DOESN’T MATTER! Kaos says he’ll see Funk later in the show, right now he has to go tape John Tesh Live from Red Rocks off of A&E. Segment Rating: 69% A REPO MAN AND A MEXICAN? THAT’S JUST TOO EASY OF A SETUP SINGLES MATCH FOR THE YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON TITLE Paunch Estrada vs Repo Man. Match Background: This match is for the You Are a Good Person title. Repo Man has been You Are a Good Person champion since 03 September 2003. The Match: Repo Man hits a right hand on Paunch Estrada and follows it up with a couple more. Wack kick from Repo. Repo Man hits a right hand on Paunch Estrada. Big kick from Repo staggers Estrada but that's about it. Estrada blocks a punch. Paunch Estrada hits a rolling kick on Repo. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Flying cross body off the top rope! Covers for a quick two count. Repo blocks a kick from Paunch Estrada. Repo Man hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Covers for a quick two count. Side suplex from Repo. Pin, but Estrada is out just before the three count. Repo charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Paunch Estrada connects with a back heel kick on Repo and gets back up quickly. Repo Man elbows Paunch Estrada in the face to break a hammerlock. Paunch Estrada takes a right hand to the temple from Repo. Boss Man comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Paunch Estrada turns around. Boss Man spins Estrada around. Boss Man hits the Boss Man Slam! Boss Man leaves the ring, the damage done! The ref gets into position, administers the three count, and it's over. Repo Man pins Estrada. Boss Man isn't finished with his attack yet! Paunch Estrada stands up...and walks into a boot to the gut from Boss Man. Boss Man Slam!!! Paunch Estrada has been put down on the canvas! Boss Man shakes his head and raises three fingers instead. Estrada gets picked up...and hit with another Boss Man Slam! Paunch Estrada is spread-eagled on the canvas. Boss Man again raises three fingers. Referees hit the ring, but are too scared to get too close. They can't stop this carnage...Boss Man Slam, the third one in a row! Boss Man eventually leaves the ring, as medics come to attend to Estrada, who isn't moving. Winner: Repo Man My Opinion: You barely escaped a DUD rating. 1/4*. (“Wack kick.” Does Dames mean that was the name of the kick, or the sound of the kick or that the kick was pretty wack? Honestly I couldn’t see anything about the Repo Man being wack, sick, gnarly or so awesome it was almost tubular. All those Boss Man Slams were pretty wack though. If they were Triple H Pedrigrees we’d all be eating bean dip and Pauch’s wake by now. Boss Man wasn’t holding three fingers up to signal how many times he was going to hit his finisher, Sandman told him to go out there and try to order some scotch.) Overall Rating: 55% Crowd Reaction: 51% Match Quality: 59% Boss Man grabs a ringside microphone while the paramedics (Re: Pauch’s cousins from Baja) continue to administer to Estrada. Boss Man has joined the HSW because Vince fired him, stating that A-Train was a better worker and his sister has a meth habit he has to support. No! Remember, the kids, stay in kayfabe. Boss Man is there, because Estrada is a disgrace to policemen everywhere. Even the kids in the audience recognize this. What is Estrada kids? “A dirty Mexican!” And why don’t we like him? “Because he’s dirty and Mexican!” And why is he that way? “Because God hates him!” And why does God hate him? “His mother voted for Jimmy Carter in 1976!” Segment Rating: 66% Chris Nowinski is in the back standing on a pedestal while Lady Victoria hems his pants, waxes his back hair, tapes the entire first season of Knight Rider and, of course, makes him a sandwich. Nowinski is more concerned by these petty, menial chores than the match he has next with Carless Mark Jindrak. “Remember boys, women are shallow and dim creatures and you have to keep their attention with shiny objects that go vroom-vroom like a ’66 Mustang. However, if you’re as good as me you can get your woman to buy YOU a sweet car like that. Lady Victoria got me a Mustang for my last birthday, after I told her to. Sure, her mother needed that kidney operation, but I was positive that I could make a dialysis machine and run it through the carburetor. It would have worked to, if SOMEBODY hadn’t taped over all of my instructional videos.” Nowinski slaps Lady Victoria in the back of the head as she scurries about below him. “Ow! I honestly didn’t know that MacGyver reruns were that important to my mother’s health.” Segment Rating: 89% IT’S EASY TO TELL WHO THE REAL MAN IS HERE SINGLES MATCH. WAIT…DON’T ANSWER THAT QUESTION “Carless” Mark Jindrak vs Chris Nowinski. Match Background: None. The Match: Nowinski strikes away at Mark Jindrak, not doing much damage at all. Nowinski strikes away at Mark Jindrak, not doing much damage at all. Weak bodyslam on Jindrak by Nowinski sets up a legdrop. Jindrak gets splashed in the corner. Mark Jindrak fights out of a grapple. Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Chris Nowinski by Jindrak. Remember when that was a legit finish? Full nelson slam on Nowinski. Covers for a quick two count. Nowinski ducks a wild right hand. Weak bodyslam by Nowinski. There's a two count on the pin. Nowinski DDTs Mark Jindrak. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Mark Jindrak pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Jindrak hits a right hand. Mark Jindrak misses a clothesline. Nowinski slams Mark Jindrak down. Jindrak is sure in trouble now. Chris Nowinski gets a roll-up...and grabs a handful of tights as well! The referee doesn't see it: 1....2...3!! The fight has started up again! Mark Jindrak attacks Nowinski, and they brawl all around ringside, then into the crowd! They eventually disappear backstage, still fighting. Winner: Chris Nowinski My Opinion: When I give out 3/4*, it means that I'm being REALLY nice about it. (The HSW transition move of choice: the weak bodyslam. The more things change the more they stay the same. Like Fat Rhymes wanting to form a backing group called Waffle House of Pain. This actually wasn’t a bad match. It was damn good for us. Hell, it was damn good for a RAW main event these days. Where’s the love Dames? Show me some dap. I want some dap for knowing what dap means. Jindrak and Nowinski keep brawling until Nowiniski keeps grabbing Lady Victoria and pulling her in the way to take shots to the face. Jindrak starts feeling dirty and quits to go call his mother and apologize for those times he was caught hot wiring cars in kindergarten.) Overall Rating: 62% Crowd Reaction: 61% Match Quality: 63% Kaos and Terry Funk come down to the ring for their match. The bell rings and Kaos refuses to fight until he takes those damn silly underpants off of his head. Funk attacks Kaos and chokes him out with the underpants until the referee has no choice but to disqualify Funk for illegal use of tighty whiteys. Sandman runs in from the back with The Baseball Bat of Mild Discomfort as Presented by Bank One (formerly the Gonad Whacker). Sandman slides into the ring and blindsides Funk by telling him that Thomas the Tank Engine was giving people rides out to the parking lot. Kaos and Sandman proceed to beat Funk down with the bat until a blur of a man races out of the back. He quickly cleans house, because Kevin Kelly refuses to do windows, then beats up Kaos and Sandman to send them running. Finally the camera focuses in to reveal……Tatanka? Wait a minute, that’s not Tatanka, that’s Supreme dressed like Tatanka. What the hell is he doing? “Tatanka” prances around the ring chanting “Me Tatanka, Mighty Buffalo!” Terry Funk pulls himself off the mat and offers “Tatanka” his underpants in friendship. “Tatanka” accepts and sheds a tear while Kaos just shakes his head from the top of the ramp. “And people say I’m gay. But, I’m not! I’m not gay!” (Trust me, I’ll clear this all up next show.) Segment Rating: 71% I SAW ELVIS IN A UFO SINGLES MATCH Honky Tonk Orton vs Jimmy Jack Spock. Match Background: None. The Match: Jimmy Jack Spock connects with rights and lefts and Honky Tonk Orton is down! STIFF~! chop lights up Orton who covers up to try and stop the agonizing PAIN! BIG clothesline on Orton. Running knee lift from Jimmy Jack Spock. Orton powers out of a headlock. Bodyslam by Orton. Full nelson slam on Spock. Covers for a quick two count. Spock reverses a waistlock. Spock hits a piledriver on Honky Tonk Orton. That used to end matches, you know. Hooks the leg for a two count. DEATH VALLEY DRIVAH~! by Jimmy Jack Spock just KILLS Honky Tonk Orton! Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Orton kicks Jimmy Jack Spock in the gut to reverse the momentum. Orton slams Jimmy Jack Spock. Orton walks into a drop toe hold. Spock slams Honky Tonk Orton down and motions to the crowd. Sandman runs down the aisle and into the ring, carrying a chair! Spock turns...and gets floored with a chair to the head! The referee has no choice but to call for the bell! Disqualification! Jimmy Jack Spock fights back, and has soon sent both Honky Tonk Orton and Sandman into retreat. Winner: Jimmy Jack Spock My Opinion: I'll give this a ***1\4 rating. If I left it up to you, you'd probably think it was the greatest match ever! Keep trying... (And they say that pot causes short-term memory loss. Sandman couldn’t remember if he was supposed to interfere in the last match or this one, so he just did both. Lack of drugs and alcohol is making him worst. It’s like all that junk had his body well preserved like formaldehyde. Hell, he used to drink formaldehyde as a chaser for Goldenschlager. Orton and Sandman retreat to the back where they try to top each other with who has the worst lackey.) Overall Rating: 82% Crowd Reaction: 82% Match Quality: 83% Overall Rating: 69% (must have been the promise of wet pussy) TV Rating: 1.20 Attendance: 411 children who creep out their parents by wanting wet pussy at home.

What you need is Freedom Rock. Everyone remember that commercial. Two guys sitting in the back of their van and another hippie walks and says "Hey man is that Freedom Rock? (flips hair) Well turn it UP!" I actually prefer Living After Midnight by Judas Priest. Hold on Loosely seems to be the default song that plays in my head when there's nothing else stuck in there.

And don't forget No Retreat, No Surrender where the ghost of Bruce Lee inspires yet another wayward soul into karate mastery. I know Big Trouble in China has been mentioned, but you can't forget my other two favorites in a similar vein, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension and Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins.

Slick teaching Kamala to bowl is the definition of sacrifice.