Edwin MacPhisto
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Posts posted by Edwin MacPhisto
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"'Allo, folks," greets a listless Bobby Riley. "And welcome back to SWF Storm. I'm Bobby Riley, along with..."
"And I!" A voice with stunning reverb interrupts. "AM! ...CYCLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE COMET~! Purveyor of justice! Protector of heart and home! Pagron of virtue!" Comet pauses for a moment in his spiel. "And former leader in IGNWF merchandise sales, a title which I eagerly anticipate reclaiming."
Bobby sighs. "Comet, you went through this entire thing the last match."
"Now, now, citizen Riley," Cyclone admonishes. "You know just as well as I do that the name CYCLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE COMET~! cannot be repeated enough! Evil doers whom have not yet heard it must learn the name of justice, and cower in fear at its very mention!"
Pause.
"Plus, the kids love it. What's not to like?"
Riley sighs. "Yeah, fine, whatever. Just to avoid anymore of this lovefest, how about we get on calling the next match?"
"Interesting. You were never this eager to get with the wrestling before Grand Slam left..." Comet gives Riley an inquiring eye from behind his mask, before continuing. "But none the less! A novel concept, chum! Our second match of this evening is sure to be one of curious chaos, as Nathaniel Kibagami takes on Dante Crane..." Comet stops, just for drama, "in a HARDCORE HALOCAUST! Which of our two noble gladiators will reign supreme after dueling chairs on the field of valour!?"
The sound of Riley quietly thumping his head on the desk can be heard. He speaks with his face stashed in his notes. "...Let's just get to Funyon's introductions."
One cue, Funyon adjusts his fashionable blue light special suit and tie ensenble, and raises the microphone to his lips. "Ladies and gentlemen! The following bout, scheduled for one fall, is a HARDCORE MATCH!" Small cheer. "Introducing first, from Shawinigan, Quebec..."
The lights in the Delta Center fade, as a dim blue glow raises and Marilyn Manson’s ‘Great Big White World’ starts to play, already at forty-six seconds into the song where M.W. Gacy provides soft presses of the keyboard before the vocals kick back in...
“I'm not attached to your world, nothing heals, nothing grows... I’m not attached to your world, nothing heals... nothing grows!”
An explosion of white and blue pyrotechnics goes off on the staging as the song breaks into its chorus!
“...cause it’s a great big white world! And we are drained of our colours! We used to love ourselves! We used to love one another!”
The lights arise, and cutting a swath through the smoke, Dante Crane steps out onto the stage. He barely pauses to regard the crowd, running a hand through his stringy blond hair, then slowing walking down the aisle, his trenchcoat trailing behind him.
Funyon booms again, "Weighing in at two-hundred ten pounds... he is the "Sick Boy"... DANTE... CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!!"
A mild amount of cheers and applause eminate from the audience, mostly from Crow fans, and a few who remember Dante's preformance at Ground Zero.
"Citizen Crane looks very intense tonight," notes Cyclone.
"Well, he's got to be," Riley replies, airily. "He's facing off against one of the biggest, meanest, outright goddamn nasty players in the federation. Plus, Ground Zero showed that he can't seem to contend against virtual unknowns without Crow's help."
Dante takes a corner, sliding off his coat and handing it to a ringside official. He takes a knee, and looks up towards the backstage area, as Funyon speaks again...
"And his opponent..."
Fog begins to billow up from unseen holes in the entrance ramp as the first haunting notes of Nevermore’s “The River Dragon Has Come” echo through the arena. The SmarksTron shows Kibagami, back facing the camera, in a simple wooden chair, just as the audience is lulled into a false sense of security by the soothing music…
*BAM*!
Every light in the arena suddenly flares, blinding white, as the distortion kicks in and the music begins to pound through the speakers. The picture on the SmarksTron is replaced with the familiar burning ankh…
"Today, the warning came in the flood…"
The crowd roars, the lyrics kick in, and Nathaniel steps out onto the staging. But he's not alone.
"And citizen Nathan recieves a roar of approval from the crowd! But... oh dear..." Comet trails off, and is followed by Riley's laughter.
"Ahahahahaha... now, that's how you enter for a hardcore match!"
What the announcers are alluding to is made clear by the next camera shot: As Kibagami makes his way toward the ring, gripped firmly in his right hand is his infamous, black cane. He idly taps the steel tip on the ground as he walks. Dante looks slightly miffed as Funyon finishes his introductions...
"From Phoenix, Nevada! Weghing in at two-hundred sixty-eight pounds... Nathaniel... KIBAGAAAAAAAAAAAAAMIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!"
His name recieves another cheer as Nathan climbs the steps and enters the ring. He climbs the turnbuckle as usual, notedly ignoring Dante.
"A loss to the evil Michael Craven aside, I really don't think that's any excuse to come into a match with such an unfair advantage..." Says Comet.
"There's no cheating in this match, Comet. So it's not like Nathan is doing anything wrong. He's just being smart, s'all."
"Would I be presumptious, chum, to assume you've taken a new shine to Kibagami because of his slight regression to the Silent persona?" Inquires Comet, giving Riley another incredulous look.
Riley's reply is only a derisive snort, and as he goes to speak, his eyes suddenly dart toward the ring, "Well, he'd hav--jesus! Look at Dante!"
In the ring, Dante realizes he needs to get the early advantage. Now. And with Kibagami taking a half-second too long to enjoy the fans lauding, he springs into action, charging across the ring and drilling Nataniel in the lower back! Kibagami almost topples out of the ring, but manages to regain his balance and slide down to the mat, only to recieve some quick kicks to the back from Crane! Referee Matthew Kivell rapidly reacts, calling for the bell.
**DING!DING!DING!**
"Is Dante nuts?" Asks Riley, to no-one in particular. "I'd think the LAST thing you want to do in a match like this is get Kibs pissed off out of the gate."
"I'd say citizen Crane is just trying to neutralize Nathaniel's cane before he gets a chance to use it, chum."
Dante's strategy appears to be relatively ineffective, as the wincing Kibagami growls, and fires off a HARSH back elbow into Dante's face! Crane stubles backward, but is given no recovery time as Nathaniel pivots, and lashes out with his cane, catching 'Sick Boy' in the thigh. Crane grabs at his leg to try and dull the sting, falling onto his behind. Looking decidedly unhappy about Dante's ambush, Nathan wastes no time attempting another slice at Dante with his cane... witch grazes over Crane's head, as he drops flat to the mat. Kibagami blinks, but wastes no motion, immediately raising the cane over his head and bringing down at 'Sick Boy's body...
*thump*
...but Nathaniel isn't fast enough for Dante, as he rolls backwards and onto his feet, quick as a cat! The steel tip of his cane finds only canvas, and the crowd gives a small cheer.
"A nice recovery from citizen Crane, outmaneuvering Nathaniel's underhanded tactics," says Comet.
"Meh," Riley sounds less appreciative. "Like I said, it's hardcore match. So it's not like Nathan is really doing anything wrong. I wouldn't go tooting Dante's horn so fast, anyway... Kibagami easily has the prowess to out handle him and the strength to slap that mascara off his face."
"Ah, but chum, you forget how fellow cruiserweight Wildchild has outlasted the evily enourmous Janus," Comet exclaims!
Riley smirks, and then chides, "Yeah, and that's one match out of how many in Wildchild's losing streak?"
As the commentators chatter, Dante and Kibagami exchange glances, re-evaluating one another. Kibagami lets his cane slide losely to his side as he and Crane begin to circle--Dante visibly more cautiously. After several tense moments, Nathan finally slows... and with a not-entierly-trustworthy smile, he reaches out one hand. Dante eyes it suspiciously, and to Kibagami's surprise, tentatively stretches out to meet it... and just as their fingers touch, Nathan lashes out with his cane!
...which is sent clattering out of the ring and to the floor as 'Sick Boy' hops back and catches it with a hook kick, Dante having read Nathaniel's obvious ploy all the way! Kibagami blinks, briefly stunned, which is all the time Crane needs to drill him with two quick shin kicks to the thigh and ribs, pivot, and CRACK him across the face with a spinning cresent kick! A small cheer rises from the audience for Dante's display--which quickly becomes a big cheer, as Nathaniel's head snaps back into place.
Riley chuckles, "I told you Crane didn't want to get Kibs pissed off. Now he's going to show him how to not kick like a girl!"
"You mean not kick like Annie Eclectic, who used them as a big part of her offense?" Eggs Comet.
"Well, I mean--"
"Or not kick like Mistress Sarah, who had several black belts in martial arts?"
"I, uh--"
"Or not kick like..."
"Alright already!"
In a rare instance, Riley proves prophetic, however, as Kibagami wastes NO time in shooting his own snap kicks into Dante's chest and thigh. Crane stumbles back into the ropes, where Kibagami goes for the kill, sizing up a MONSTER rounhouse--that the 'Sick Boy' quickly ducks under, turns on his heel, and doubles Nathaniel over with a savate kick. Turning around proper, Crane brings up his foot, and brings the ball of it down on the back of Kibsy's head in a sick looking axe kick! The crowd sounds off with another cheer for the stiff looking shot, as Nathan drops to the mat like a bag of laundry.
Comet beams. "You see what I mean, Bobby? Dante Crane is dispensing kicks of JUSTICE and RIGHTEOU S VERVE!"
The crowd continues to buzz as 'Sick Boy' flips Kibagami over with his foot, and drops to his knees for a lateral press...
**SMACK!**
"And Kibagami just answered with a laying kick of EVIL PRETENTIOUS NONSENSE," Riley cackles, all too proud of himself.
Crane keels over, grabbing at his nose, as Nathan lets his leg slide back to the canvas. At about the same pace, both men rise to their feet, and take up stances at opposite sides of the ring.
Dante stares.
Kibagami snorts.
And the crowd roars as both men step into the other for one last kicking frenzy! A whirlwhind of shots to the legs, ribs and abs results in nothing for either man, both stinging from the last kick, but neither wishing to give up an inch!
"It looks like citizens Kibagami and Crane have equal tolerance and prowess, chum!"
The crowd builds to a slight fever pitch from the display, watching both men unfurl kick after kick! Finally, with Dante and Nathan both having looks of pain etched into their faces, they prepare for one last strike... a HUGE dual roudhouse that connects at the same time! The crowd "Ooo's" at the SMACK sound it makes, either man grabbing at the side of their head and stumbling away. Kibagami seems to get his senses back first, getting in line with Dante as he turns around...
...and charging in, ripping his head clean off with a burning lariat! 'Sick Boy' obediently goes flipping, and Nathan raises his hands to the crowd to a bit pop (with a notable "Why-didn't-I think-of-that-sooner?" look on his face)!
At the desk, you can almost hear Cyclone's crestfallen expression, as Riley laughs again. "Yeah, Comet," begins Riley, "Maybe equal in the KICKING department. But outside of that..."
Obviously shaken up, Dante rolls out of the ring, leaning up against the apron while Kibagami's attention is on the crowd. Nathan sees this out of the corner of his eye, however, and wastes no more time playing to the crowd. Quickly, he bounces off the ropes opposite to Dante, and sends Crane crashing into the barricade with a baseball slide! Kibagami exits the ring proper, and stalks his way over to the wheezing Dante, grabbing a handful of his hair and ramming him into the railing! The crowd "ooh's" at the shot, but Kibagami isn't finished, as he slams Dante's head into the railing again!
"Riley, I must say, citizen Nathaniel's actions are most unjust!" Comet has the audacity to sound genuinely outraged. "His actions this entire match have been unjust! I daresay he's becoming..." Comet pauses, and then speaks, deadly serious, "...a CRIMINAL."
"Right," Riley deadpans. "Comet, you're so naive it's amazing. You know as well as I do that the last time, say, Nathan helped an old lady across the street, it was just her selling the Demonstar."
"Never the less," Comet booms! "CRIMINAL Kibagami continues to slam Dante's head into the railing, while... idly chatting with the fans. No doubt sharing CRIMINAL favorite recipies."
"Right," Riley deadpans, again. "You know, I'm surprised we haven't seen any of this 'atheticism' Dante's supposedly known for, according these notes..."
Nathan finally grows tired of absently slamming Dante's face into the railing--the damage having obviously been done, as seen by the large part on the side of his face without face paint. Yanking the listless 'Sick Boy' to his feet, Kibs takes his arm, and throws him to the steel steps--but for the second time in the same match, Riley is prophetic, as Dante suddenly hops on the stairs, turns back, and levels the trailing Kibagami with a spinning heel kick, to a loud pop!
"Me and my big mouth..." Riley grumbles.
"Hm... Bobby, you wouldn't happen to have psychic superhero powers you've been hiding from me, have you?"
"..."
"Ah-ha!" Comet shouts, oblivious to Riley's non-reply. "As I suspected! You know, chum, I've been looking for a sidekick since I got back from Asia. You could be Fauntleroy the Psychic Boy! With my amazing powers of merchandising and your amazing telekineses, we could be the gretest team ever!"
"Right," Riley deadpans, again. "You just want someone to pin the blame on when your next Asian action movie bombs."
"Erm. Well, that's not entierly true..."
With Crane and Kibagami both wiped out outside the ring, Matthew Kivell can do little except yell at them to get up and get it back in the ring. Neither seems to be obliging, as Dante tries to get his wits (and his breath) back, and Kibagami is more concerned with crawling around the ring apron, looking for something. Slowly, using the ring apron to pull himself up, and then the bottom rope, Dante regains his footing. Serving a quick glance over to Kibagami, Dante assumes he's still reeling from the shock heel kick, and walks over tentatively... and despite his slight reservations, Crane still falls into Nathan's trap, as Kibagami lashes out...
Fwooooooooooooosh... THUNK!
...recovered cane in hand!
Fwooooooooooooosh... THUNK!
"Zounds! Criminal Kibagami has used that ufair advantage to his... advantage once again!"
"Dammit, Comet, I keep telling you..."
THUNK!
"Hush, Fauntleroy!" Booms Comet! "Now, although I don't advocate cheating, Dante would most likely be wise to equalize. Although his code of honour is most admirable..."
"Admirable my ass," Bobby grumbles. "He's been on the defensive this entire match. He never had the chance to get a weapon--excuse me, 'cheat.'"
Kibagami follows up his three cane shots with a fourth, sending Dante tumbling to the floor. As 'Sick Boy' groans and tries to regain his footing (and desperately work out some way to turn the match around), Kibagami lines up one last, devestating cane shot... aimed directly at Dante's temple. The crowd is a mix of cheers and jeers for the previous display, and is definitely not anticipating the sick shot Nathan wants to end this match. Dante finally manages to get to his feet...
Nathan raises the cane...
Dante flinches--
Fwooooooooooooosh... thwack?
...and for the second time, Crane evades a potentially fatal shot with Nathan's cane! The crowd pops again, and Nathan growls, quickly turning behind him to face 'Sick Boy.' The small grin on Dante's face is enough to goad Nathan into taking one more shot, as he angrily swings--and misses again, hitting the edge of the ring! This time, though, Kibagami doesn't get another free shot--Dante's reaches out and presses the tip of the cane against the ring, steps on it like a stable bar with his left leg, spins, and ROCKS Nathaniel with a kick square in the jaw! Kibagami twists like a top, resting in a heap... as Dante bends over and picks up the freed cane. The crowd pops for the move, but cheers even louder as Dante holds up Kibagami's weapon.
Riley blinks. "Oh, goddamn it. C'mon. There HAS to be a rule against this somewhere..."
"Oh-ho! Surely not, chum. While it was once Kibagami on the evil offensive with his fearsome phallic weapon, it is now HE who dances with DEATH!"
"..."
Nathan manages to get himself up into a sitting position, and quickly gets sight of Dante. And his cane. In Dante's hands. Kibagami's face flushes into an "oh, shit" expression, as Crane immedaitely brings it down--
Fwoooooooooooosh... THUNK!
On Kibagami himself! And another shot! And a third! Dante's stoic demenour cracks for a moment, as he takes a few more angry swings of Kibagami's cane! Any part of Nathan's body that he can't block with his hands--and a particularly pained scream as it hits his neck--is suffered by the ironic reverse of fortune! Finally, breathing heavily, Crane drops the cane to the mats, seeing Nathan lying, grimicing in severe pain. The crowd is firmly enbroiled in a wave of cheers--maybe for Dante's retaliation, or maybe just for the violence itself. It's hard to say.
Riley grimaces himself. "This is SO unfair. How come it's only unjust when Nathan does it!?"
"Now, now, chum. It's a hardcore match, remember?" Comet grins despite himself. "Just a bit of divine retribution, I say."
"Yeah, well, at least Nathan wasn't going after Crane's most publicised weak spot..."
With a sigh, Dante pulls Nathan to his feet, and rolls him into the ring. Climing back in himself, he immediately drops down for a lateral press. The crowd counts with Kivell's hand...
O................N...............E...............
T................W...............O...............
T................H...............R..............EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--NO!
The crowd, obviously not really picking sides in this one, gives off a cheer! Dante holds up an exasperated two fingers to Kivell, and is reassured it was a kickout. Riley beams.
"Yes! I knew it couldn't end like that! Jeez, you want to talk about unjust, Comet..."
As Kibagami rolls painfully, trying to get to his feet, Dante rolls back to the outside of the ring, asking the time keeper to step aside, as he collects his chair, knowing that more blunt force is going to be needed to end this match. Now. He walks back up the stairs and enters through the ropes... and blinks at not finding Kibagami where he left him. Before Dante can even react, Nathan comes barrelling off the opposite ropes, and CONNECTS with a knee strike to the chair, driving it right into Dante's face!
"SHINING WIZARD~!" Tildes Riley.
Dante drops flat, and Nathan falls beside him, rubbing at his knee. With a scowl, he tries to ignore it, mounting Dante and making sure to hook the leg.
O................N...............E...............
T................W...............O...............
T................H...............R..............EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
"But citizen Crane kicks out! Justice prevails again, Riley," Booms Cyclone! "And I, for one, will drink to that." Comet digs out a can of PepsiMAX™, and cracks it open, fufilling his shameless plug for the evening.
Riley can only sigh. Kibagami isn't far behind him, grumbling as he hauls up Dante by his blond locks. Grasping his arm, he throws him hard to the turnbuckle, following quickly. Making sure he doesn't get any backtalk, Kibs sighs, and DRILLS Crane with a stiff elbow shot! He pauses at the cheer (the crowd apparently forgetting the cane exploits earlier), and socks 'Sick Boy' with another, for symmetry's sake. Hefting Dante up to the top, Kibagami begins the slow climb up for a high-risk maneuver... but the stiff strikes aren't enough to suck the fight out of Dante, who brushes Nathaniel's face with a kick! And a second, as Kibs begins to lose his balance! Finally, Dante lifts himself up with both hands on the ropes, and nails the former Clansman with both feet! Kibagami crumbles to the mat, giving Dante just enough time to get to the top rope, and take to the skies as Nathan rapidly regains his footing!
"Big flying headscissors(of justice), coming up," Comet calls.
Pause. Cheer.
"Or at least, not if Kibagami catches him," Riley yells!
Indeed, Nathan grabs both legs and spins Dante under his own power, looking for some kind of powerbomb attempt--but Dante is able to wriggle his legs out of Kibagami's fatigue-weakened grasp! Grabbing his arm with one hand, Dante slings his legs behind Nathaniel's back, passes off between one arm to the other like they were monkey-bars, and scissor his legs around Kibsy's neck in an amazing loop-de-force! Kibagami, bewildered that Dante managed to spin around him and try for another headscissors, can do nothing as Crane sends him tumbling to the canvas! He gets a BIG pop for the impressive maneuver!
"What... the hell... was THAT!?" Asks Riley, echoing the sentiments of most of the fans.
"Quite simple, chum," states Comet, matter-of-factly. "A move... of JUSTI--"
"Goddamn it, don't say it."
Dante has no time to enjoy the lauding, barely having enough to catch his breath. Stumbling over to the disorientated Kibagami, Dante double-checks to make sure the chair is in a workable position, and turns him so that Nathan's back faces him. Quickly, he underhooks his arms and places them behind his neck, and tries to bring him up for the Damnation DDT!
"No... he'll never get him..." Riley is not a believer.
Dante struggles... the crowd buzzes...
"No way."
And Dante gets Kibagami high enough off his feet!
"Yes way, chum!"
Transitioning rapidly, Crane breaks one hand from the lift and tries to turn Kibagami into the facelock to compete the DDT--but the move falls apart. Nathan continues his rotation, and grabbing 'Sick Boy's' arm, sends him flying with an arm drag!
"Like I said. No way." Riley is insufferably smug... but deflates at what he sees next.
Dante rolls through the arm drag, takes a run at the ropes, and springs off the middle one, coming right back at Kibagami! The crowd, who had fallen at bit at the Damnnation DDT's failure, come back to life!
...but are quickly crushed, as Kibagami has the presence of mind to catch Dante, retaining his balance. Dante immediately joins the crowd on the 'crushed' front, as Nathaniel simply falls forward, dropping all his weight on Crane!
"Egads! From one reversal to another to another... talk about a reversal fest, Riley. You'd think these two had been studying tapes of each other for hours!"
"I wish they'd stop, though. My head is starting to hurt from the back-and-forth."
Kibagami seems to echo Riley's sentiments--he's stick of this match, too. And with a dismissive wave of his hands, he signals for the end. Situating Dante in a standing headscissors, Nathaniel prepares to heft him up for his folding powerbomb--a PROPER one, this time. Aimed right on the chair. The crowd murmer to buzz as Kibagami reaches under Dante, bringing him up without much struggle...
"Folding powerbomb time!" Riley is disturbingly giddy. "And there's no way Dante can worm his way out of this one! Kibs won't screw up twice."
...
And lightning strikes an unprecidented three times, as fate chooses to come in a slap Riley silly. Kibagami gets Dante up, but can't finish off the powerbomb, as Dante fires off some weak strikes to Nathan's forehead--which are just enough to staggar Kibagami, as Dante clamps on a front facelock, wriggles his legs free, and absolutely DRIVES Kibagami's head into the steel chair with a DDT! The crowd roars again, Dante bounces safely away, and Kibagami is staring hard at the lights. Riley busies himself banging his head on the desk.
"DDT reversal... of JUSTICE~!" Yells Comet!
"God *thunk* freaking *thunk* dammit *thunk*."
"And citizen Dante doesn't want to waste THIS oppertunity! I think I can tell what he's going to do..."
With the crowd cheering, and a small part eminiating a "Dante! Dante!" chant, 'Sick Boy' listless tosses the dented chair over Kibagami's chest, and steps onto the apron... and up to the top rope.
Riley blinks, "Whaaa...? If Dante really does that, he IS nuts."
"Silence, Fauntleroy. You know that justice must go to extreme length's to stop criminals like Nathaniel."
"...but Dante brought that damn chair into the ring to start with!"
Crane reaches the top rope, and takes a deep breath. As the audience boils over, he solemnly bows his head, clasps his hands in prayer... and takes flight.
...
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
"The Cure!" Calls Cyclone. "Dante just wiped the disease of evil from this match with the The Cure... of JUST--"
"Oh, goddamn stop it with that already," Riley grumbles. "And yeah, he did. But his head just slammed right into that chair! Dante's out. Kibs is out."
Pause.
"I have some water on the desk. I need to get in there! I need to--hey, leggo!"
As the announcer's squabble, Matthew Kivell surveys the damage. Dante looks out. Kibagami looks out. And there's no count to get them up. He kicks the chair off of Kibagami's body, and can only look over the crowd as they mix "Dante! Dante!" and "Holy shit! Holy shit!" chants.
...
...
...
Dante twitches.
...
...
Kibagami twitches.
...
...
Slowly, very slowly, Dante Crane begins to turn himself over...
...
Closer...
...
Closer...
...
*fwip*
After a solid 30 seconds of laying around, after the hellacious headbutt off the top rope, onto a chair-laiden Kibagami, Dante manages to score a lateral press! Quickly, Matthew Kivell drops, and the crowd counts along...
O..................................N..............................E.............
......
"Dammit, no..." Riley mumbles.
T..................................W...............................O............
......
Kibagami flinches...
T...............................H...............R..............EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
...and he shoots a shoulder up, knocking Dante off! But it's a milisecond too late! Kivell calls for the bell, as the crowd pops loudly!
"The winner of this match... DANTE... CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!!"
"Dammit! He kicked out! I SAW him kick out!" Riley protests. "What shoddy refereeing!"
"Yes, this is why Kivell is the head ref, and you aren't, Bobby," Says Comet, with a smirk. "Regardless, Dante manages to squeak out a win over Nathaniel Kibagami--showing some deft experience to evade and contend with everything Kibagami could throw at him."
"And a little bit of insanity and a truckload of luck to win with what he did," Mopes Riley.
"Hmph. Well, regardless, we'll be back after these messages... of JUSTICE!"
"Arrgh!"
-
Riley: Welcome back to Storm everyone! We are set for some great action here tonight with all these matches coming up and Cyclone Comet right next to me to color commentate for us.
Comet: Is this the same seat from the last time I sat here?
Riley: Uh...why don't we kick off Storm with a bang! Let's go straight to the introductions!
The lights are out as Cold's "Stupid Girl" blares through the speakers while golden pyro falls down from the sky. A silohette appears faintly behind the falling light and Xcalibur walks through it. He continues down the ramp with a focused look on his face.
Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall and no time limit! Introducing first from Houston, Texas...he weighs in at 236 and two-fifths pounds...he is XCAAAAAALLLLIIIIIIIIIIIBUUUURRR!!!!
Xcalibur takes off his jersey and folds it very neatly, then handling it to a ring attendant.
Riley: Xcalibur, after a tough loss to John Duran in that three way match with Dante Crane, is looking for his first win in the SWF.
"Quiz! Come on down!" says Rod Roddy over the loudspeakers. Vicky, who was already at ring side, enters the ring and turns the name "Quiz" on a Wheel of Fortune type board. "Come on Down" by Crystal Waters starts to play. At the entrance of the ramp, sliding doors open, revealing Quiz. In a very loud suit, he takes out a microphone from his coat pocket.
Quiz: Welcome to tonight’s show! We have one contestant tonight, and his name is Xcalibur! This is what will happen to Xcalibur!
The crowd makes some obscene gestures at him but Quiz just ignores it.
Quiz: I'm sorry, but we were looking for WHAT IS AN ASS KICKING?!
Vicky Black, in the ring, reveals the words “Ass Kicking” on the Wheel-of-Fortune board as Quiz walks up the ring steps and into the ring, waving to the crowd before getting prepped for his match. Xcalibur is just in the corner waiting for the brouhaha to end.
Funyon: Already in the ring, he comes from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, he weighs in at 189 pounds...he is one half of Double Jeopardy and is a current tag champion...he is QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Riley: Whether you like him or not, he is a tag champion, so he must have some credibility.
Comet: I don't know about this fella. A lot of evil people hide behind fakes smiles. Look at the Joker and Riddler!
DING DING DING
Quiz and Xcalibur start to circle each other, their eyes intently focused on their opponent. Xcalibur extends his right arm, wanting Quiz to grapple with him. Quiz takes the invitation and sticks out his left hand to grab on to Xcalibur. Quickly, Xcalibur makes a move, twisting to the right and tangling Quiz's arm around. The tag champion makes a move towards the mat, rolling forward and then returning the arm twisting favor to Xcalibur, taking back the advantage. Quiz gives kick to the ankle of Xcalibur, making him hop on one leg. He then scurries over, turning his back to face Xcalibur's and attempts a backslide pin.
Riley: Could the match end quickly here? ONE! TWO!--Xcalibur rolls on backwards out of that cover.
Comet: Winning with a backslide? That is so 80's!
Xcalibur, gains back his balance after rolling out of the pin and lunges for a shoulderblock on Quiz, who was still on his knees, knocking him down. Xcalibur lifts Quiz up to this feet and whips him to the ropes. On the rebound, Quiz ducks a clothesline, continuing his momentum to the other side. Xcalibur turns around and is greeted with a flying crossbody. Quiz stays on top of Xcalibur for the cover!
ONE!!!
TWO!--
Xcalibur kicks out of it. Quiz gets off of Xcalibur, letting him get to his feet on his own. Quiz backs Xcalibur into the ropes, hoping to whip him to the opposite side. Xcalibur stops dead in his tracks and tries to reverse the whip but Quiz counters by stopping his momentum as well. He twists Xcalibur's arm again and backs him into the ropes. This whip finally works as Xcalibur is forced to the ropes. Coming back, Quiz's kick to the face is foiled by Xcalibur ducking. Xcalibur moves towards Quiz's back and applies a full nelson. He then takes his leg and positions it in front of Quiz's left, then striking it back to knock him down with the full nelson face plant.
Riley: There's a pretty nice innovative move there by Xcalibur. But can he win with that move? Hookodaleg! ONE! TW--Ah, kickout by Quiz.
Xcalibur drags Quiz's body to the center of the ring, parallel to the side ropes. Xcalibur goes to those ropes and climbs to the outside apron. Placing both hand on the top rope, he pulls back, then thrusts forward over into the ring, flipping 450 degrees into a leg drop. Alas, Quiz rolls out of the way, sending Xcalibur to only hurt the mat and himself.
Riley: Nicely done by Quiz! He moved out of harm's way of The Sword's Plunge!
With Quiz up and Xcalibur sitting and grabbing his leg a bit, the Canadian lets out a forceful kick to his opponent's chest, knocking him back so hard to the mat that he bounces straight up! Quiz steps to his side and unleashes a powerful left kick to Xcalibur's back, this time making Xcalibur move forward and bouncing back to the mat. Quiz makes the cover.
ONE!!!
TWO!!!
Xcalibur gets a shoulder up, not wanting to lose, much less lose at all. Quiz gets back up to his feet and grabs one of Xcalibur's arms. He doesn't even let Xcalibur get much time on his feet as he just whips Xcalibur to one of the corners. A loud thud sounds through the arena as Xcalibur crashes chest first into the corner and stumbles backwards. Quiz is there to guide him back to the corner, this time, back to the corner.
Riley: I think Quiz is gonna give Xcalibur a taste of the Quiz Show Combo!
Comet: Sounds tasty!
Riley: Here it comes! Slap to the face! Forearm with the right! Chops are a coming!
WHACK!
WOOOO!
WHACK!
WOOOO!
Riley: And the moonsault kick connects! Beautiful sequence of moves there.
Quiz takes the groggy Xcalibur and lifts him up to the top of the turnbuckle. He climbs the ropes and it has the makings of a hurricanrana. Xcalibur finally comes to his senses and pushes Quiz off the top with a punch to the gut and a push to the chest, sending him down to the mat on his back. No high risk splashes for Xcalibur, however as he just steps down slowly. With Quiz starting to sit up, Xcalibur goes to a rest hold, applying the sleeper hold.
Riley: So far, this match has been mostly counters and reversals.
Comet: And now, Xcalibur will try to regain some energy while taking some out of Quiz with a rest hold here. Too bad these guys are heels for they would be most excellent in fighting evil with me!
After thrity seconds of a locked submission, Quiz begins to get weary, eyelids getting heavier and heavier. The ref checks up on him and starts the count. He raises the arm and drops it.
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He goes to check again. A raise. A drop.
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One more time. Xcalibur's first win may be at this very moment.
THREEEEEEEE--NO!!!!
Barely, Quiz's arm stays up off the mat. The crowd groans. Quiz waves his hands around, trying to find his way. He reaches backwards trying to find Xcalibur's head. Xcalibur wants Quiz's hand off his face, but he can't move his head out of the way while keeping the hold. He decides to hold on and make Quiz black out but it's the wrong move as an eye rake occurs. That releases the hold, dropping Quiz down to the mat, but only for a little while as Xcalibur turns around to rub out his eyes. Quiz shakes it off and sees an opening in the match.
Riley: Quiz with the schoolboy roll up! ONE! TWO! Xcalibur kicks out!
Xcalibur is scurries to his feet and just starts unleashing on Quiz, throwing forearms to his back, upset that he would even try a pin attempt after Xcalibur's hard work on wearing Quiz down. Xcalibur takes Quiz up and whips him to the ropes. Quiz surprises Xcalibur with a dive on the rebound, taking out Xcalibur and his legs with him. Quiz pulls Xcalibur to his feet and whips him to the ropes, ending with a dragon screw leg whip. Xcalibur is taken to the ropes, dragged on his back. Quiz places Xcalibur's leg on the bottom rope.
Riley: It seems as if he is working on Xcalibur's legs. Quiz has no impact moves that mostly go for the legs, but Xcalibur's finishers mostly rely on his legs for elevation and power.
Comet: And Quiz is gonna attack it again! The power of the groin!!!
Riley: Did you ever use your groin against an enemy, Cyclone?
Comet: Sorry, booby, I cannot reveal my methods of attacking evildoers.
Quiz positions himself over a leg and jumps high in the air, landing down on the leg by sitting on it. Xcalibur winces in pain a bit, jumping in a sitting position. Quiz leaps high in the air again, and lands on the leg, this time with more impact. The ref warns Quiz about doing it again with the possibility of a disqualification. With a bit of arguing between the man in stripes and the Canadian, Xcalibur manages to slowly slip away from the situation he was in. However, Quiz is wise to this and takes back control as Xcalibur crawls away. He grabs onto the left leg and heaves it high in the air.
Comet: What comes up must come down!
Riley: Quiz just drives Xcalibur's knee down to the mat, almost shattering some bones there!
Quiz wants to take Xcalibur up to his feet, trying to whip him all the way across the ring. Xcalibur can't make it as on the second step on his left leg, he stumbles and falls down. Quiz makes the cover instead hoping for the win.
ONE!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!
Xcalibur kicks out! Quiz is furious at the ref for not making the count quicker. He drags Xcalibur to the near corner. Quiz climbs up the turnbuckle.
Riley: Could it be? Potpourri 450?
Comet: Nice rhyming there, Robert. This move can end it all.
Riley. Quiz takes the leap and flips forward...OH! Xcalibur puts up both knees to ruin Quiz's move. And they both look to be hurting.
Comet: Xcalibur didn't have time to roll out of the way, so he sacrifices his legs instead.
Xcalibur, hoping to have neutralized Quiz with himself, drags his own body to the middle of the ring with his arms. The ref makes the count while both me are down. After a while, with the ref up to seven, Xcalibur uses the ropes to pull himself up the mat. Quiz just struggles to his feet. The Canadian storms his way towards his opponent, but misses a clothesline due to a duck. Quiz rebounds off the ropes, trying to knock the Texan down with a clothesline again, but Xcalibur ducks again. This time, Xcalibur holds onto Quiz's waist while missing the clothesline and with a mighty force, takes him flying backwards with a release German suplex with the crowd cheering Xcalibur on. Normally, they'd hate both of these guys, but are just applauding for the lesser of two evils.
Riley: That move not only took out Quiz, but Xcalibur used a lot of his energy to execute the German!
Comet: German? What German...why I oughta kill those Nazis!
Quiz starts to get up at the same time as Xcalibur. Xcalibur meets up with him in the middle and extends his left leg for a weak kick. Quiz grabs it, but doesn't realize it's just a ploy to give Xcalibur some balance as the Texan almost knocks a tooth out with an Enzurgui. He makes the cover quickly.
ONE!!!!!
TWO!!!!
Quiz with the shoulder up. Xcalibur takes him up and takes him to the corner. He grabs hold of Quiz's arm and whips him into the opposite corner, following him and ending up with a little splash. Xcalibur gives Quiz another whip to the corner again. He waits a few seconds for Quiz to settle in the corner before he goes running for another jumping splash. Unluckily for him, Quiz moves out of the way, avoiding the move and making the turnbuckle his friend. Xcalibur's face collides with the top turnbuckle, sending him to stagger backwards. But it's just a stinger--Xcalibur lunges forward with a few more punches to the head. But Quiz counters with some punches of his own. Xcalibur fights back by holding up the Canadian's chin, slapping his chest.
SMACK!
WOOOO!
SMACK!
WOOOO!
Quiz grabs Xcalibur by the neck with both hands and makes the two switch position. He lays on some hard chops of his own.
SMACK!
WOOOO!
SMACK!
WOOOO!
Xcalibur takes Quiz and pushes him back into the corner. He goes for a punch, but Quiz ducks it, and with his shoulder under Xcalibur's abdomen, he heaves him into the air over the ropes. Xcalibur doesn't go down to the floor, however, just instead to the outside apron. Quiz turns around and tries to knock him down to the ground with a punch, but it's blocked. Xcalibur ducks another punch with the other hand by Quiz and hits a shoulder block between the top and middle ropes. Xcalibur slingshots himself over Quiz, grappling his waist into a sunset flip!
Riley: The roll up, could be over! ONE! TWO! Quiz with the kick out!
Xcalibur gets up and takes Quiz with him. He drags Quiz to the center of the ring and applies a front face lock. A snap suplex follows.
Riley: There's one snap suplex and Xcalibur holds on. Here's another!
Comet: Whammy! Perfectly executed. Is he going for number three?
Riley: Why yes he is, Cyclone. The Triple Crown is....complete! Xcalibur makes the cover! ONE! TWO! Kickout by Quiz!
Disappointed by this, Xcalibur wants to dish out some more punishment. Taking Quiz up, Xcalibur prepares for another Triple Crown. The first snap suplex...never happens. Quiz wiggles his feet, shifting the weight to his advantage while in the air. He drops back down to the mat and plants Xcalibur with a DDT counter! Both men are down but not out. After a few seconds of stars circling both of their heads, they start to regain some sense. Both men get up, a punch by Xcalibur, another by Quiz. Xcalibur blocks another by Quiz and pushes him to the ropes. An Irish whip follows. Off the rebound, the tag champion attempts a dragon screw leg whip but Xcalibur grabs his arm, turning the momentum against Quiz, countering with an armbar instead, locking it in.
Riley: Xcalibur could win it with a submission move here.
Comet: You know, coming in, I expected a technical match, but I thought there'd be at least more high flying tonight. I love flying.
Riley: Well, I think both men know that their styles are similar, so trying to change the opponent's strong point is probably a good idea.
With Xcalibur locking in the arm bar, Quiz starts to lose strength and lays down on the mat.
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THR-Shoulder is up by Quiz. Quiz takes his free hand and smashes it into Xcalibur's leg, causing him to wince in pain. Xcalibur uses his other leg to kick Quiz in the chest, but soon releases the move after more punches by Quiz. Xcalibur scurries to his feet while Quiz slowly gets up. Xcalibur whips him to the ropes. Smartly, Quiz grabs onto the ropes stopping the rebound. Xcalibur rams towards Quiz for a clothesline to the outside, but Quiz places a boot in his mouth. Xcalibur grabs his mouth while turning away and taking his distance from Quiz. The tag champ runs with the walking Xcalibur and springboards off the middle rope, ending with a flying crossbody! No cover by Quiz -instead he just positions Xcalibur near the corner.
Riley: You wanted high fly--
Comet: Silence! I wanted high flying, now I'm gonna get some!
Quiz is up on the turnbuckle and balances himself. With one flip foward of the body, Quiz comes hurling downward on his back to Xcalibur's chest for the swanton, which he refers it to the "American Idol" Bomb.
Riley: Here be the cover! ONE! TWO!
Comet: A kickout by Xcalibur thwarts the evil plans of this Quiz character!
Quiz takes the Texan up, kicking Xcalibur in the gut and applying the front face lock. He goes for a vertical, but Xcalibur blocks it. Quiz tries once more, but it's no good. Another block. Xcalibur delivers some blows to Quiz's stomach, once, twice, and three times. The front face lock is removed and Xcalibur has the advantage.
Riley: Xcalibur's going for some move now...Northern Lights Suplex!!!!
Comet: And a bridge to boot, comrad!
Riley: ONE! TWO! Another shoulder up for Quiz.
The crowd lets out a sigh as they thought it would all be over right there. Xcalibur takes Quiz up and whips him tot he ropes. He goes for a clothesline, but to the stomach, bending Quiz down. Xcalibur goes around his opponent and applies a waist lock. Quiz however, not wanting to get suplexed, swings back some elbows, hitting some shots to Xcalibur. Quiz with the standing switch. Moving away from the waist lock, a side headlock is applied. Xcalibur grabs hold of Quiz's body and pushes him to the ropes, releasing the hold. Quiz ducks a clothesline. Xcalibur turns around as Quiz goes to the ropes. He jumps on the second rope, and flips back into a moonsault to a scorpian deathdrop hold all in one motion. He signals for the dropdown, but Xcalibur reaches up, grabs hold of Quiz's neck and falls down to the mat for a neckbreaker variation.
Riley: Awesome set up by Quiz, but Xcalibur with a great counter! Here's the cover! ONE! TWO! THR---NO! I thought Xcalibur would've had his first win here in the SWF!
Xcalibur takes Quiz up and places his head between his legs. He makes a signal, thumb across the neck, signaling for the end.
Riley: Xcalibur's gonna go for Rated X!
Comet: Rated X? I don't know about this chap. It sounds a bit immoral! I should stop it!
Riley: NO! It's just a sitdown pedigree!
Xcalibur applies the double under hook as the crowd roars louder. Alas, Quiz counters it all with a back body drop! Xcalibur, though, grabs on to his opponent's waist and drags him down into a sunset flip!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THR--Quiz reverses the pin, shifting his weight forward with the cover of his own!
ONE!!!
TWO!!!
THR-Xcalibur kicks out of it. Both men scurry up to their feet. Xcalibur attempts a clothesline, but misses. Quiz tries to knock Xcalibur down with a kick to the midsection, but he blocks it, and spins him around. Xcalibur whips Quiz to the corner of the squared circle. Xcalibur runs towards Quiz, going for a splash, but Quiz moves out of the ring. Quiz hits a drop toe hold on the running Xcalibur, sending him face first into the middle turnbuckle. Quiz gets up and tries to take Xcalibur up to the top of the turnbuckle. He suceeds and goes up top with him.
Riley: Looks like a superplex may be coming up!
Comet: Quite right, friend! If Quiz hits this, it's all over!
Xcalibur lays on some punches to Quiz's side. He heaves Quiz off of him, sending him flying down to the mat, but on the way, he hits the ring ropes, causing Xcalibur to drop straight down as well on the turnbuckle as the crowd winces with him. Xcalibur tries to get out of this predictament, setting his legs inside the ring on the turnbuckle. Quiz heads right straight up and with a rush of adrenaline, he jumps on the second turnbuckle, ending the motion with a hurricanrana, sending Xcalibur to the middle of the ring. The one half of Double Jeopardy drags his way across the ring and makes the cover!
Riley: It's all over here! ONE! TWO! NOOOOOO!
Comet: It's not nice lying to the great folks at home saying it's all over and contradicting yourself in the next sentence you chrieten!
It takes a while for both men to get up, but eventually they get up with the ref's count at six. Quiz wants the advantage, slapping Xcalibur across the chest.
SMACK!
WOOOO!
With Quiz's back toward the corner, he takes executes a take down on Xcalibur. Quiz grabs his opponent's legs and sets him up for the catapult to the corner. Xcalibur stops the move, grabbing the turnbuckle with his hands as he comes flying towards it. He turns around and goes for an elbow drop but Quiz moves out of the way, sending Xcalibur down to the mat. Quiz makes the cover.
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Xcalibur with the shoulder up. Crowd lets up a little relief. Quiz takes Xcalibur to his feet and attempts to whip him to the ropes. Xcalibur reverses and knees Quiz in the stomach. A front face lock is applied. Xcalibur slaps Quiz's back as he hits a DDT! Xcalibur with the pin!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quiz kicks out. Xcalibur, a bit pissed now, takes Quiz up and punches him to the gut, sending him to look at the mat. Xcalibur places the leg over Quiz's neck.
Riley: He may be going for the Houston Hurricane!
Comet: I love things that have to deal with weather!
Xcalibur is about to go for the set up move, but as he spins Quiz down, he escapes it, flowing out of the position. Quiz takes the advantage by freeing himself and knocking Xcalibur down with a superkick! He goes for the cover again!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Xcalibur's arm was on the ropes!!! Quiz thinks he's won it, getting up and turning around, raising his hands up in the air. Xcalibur shakes off that kick and crawls to Quiz, where the ref is trying to explain the situation. Xcalibur reaches in between Quiz's legs and rolls him up for the pin!!!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Shoulder is up! Fans chant "THAT WAS THREE" over and over! Xcalibur can't believe it, grasping his head with his hands. Xcalibur takes Quiz up and singals for a suplex. Quiz blocks it in midair and weighs himself back down. He punches Xcalibur in the stomach so he can release the hold. Quiz bounces off the ropes and attempts another superkick, but Xcalibur ducks! Xcalibur applies a waist lock and goes for the German suplex. He lifts him up in the air, but Quiz blocks this move too. A few elbows to the head is sufficient enough to get Xcalibur to release the hold. Quiz bounches off the ropes once more, this time going for a roundhouse kick and connects!
Riley: Beautiful kick is there!
Comet: He should be going for the cover but he's signaling for something!
Riley: It's time for that hiptoss piledriver-Survivor Driver!!!
Quiz takes Xcalibur and whips him to the ropes. On the rebound, Quiz attempts the hiptoss, but Xcalibur floats over, grabbing Quiz by the neck in a reverse face lock. Xcalibur drops to the mat with the lock in place!
Riley: The Survivor Driver is countered with the Dragon Sleeper!!! Untimely Xecution!!! AND QUIZ TAPS!!!! HE TAPS!!!
DING DING DING
Some boos are heard, but mostly cheers just because Quiz was defeated. With the sound of the bell, Xcalibur drops Quiz down to the mat. He smiles, knowing that first win under his belt was so sweet.
Comet: My friend, that was a very good match to open up this night.
Riley: Yessir, and we've got plenty more action on the way! We'll be right back!
-
First, there was nothing...and then...there was Storm!
An explosion of pyro rockets out from around the Smarktron, and the usual theme music is replaced with a heroic tune not unlike the superman theme, in honor of the SWF's newest commentator!
"Welcome to the Smartmarks Winner's Federations, citizens!" bellows Cyclone Comet from the announcer's desk. "This is SWF Storm, and I am CYCLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE COMET!"
"I'm Bobby Riley, and you better believe me when I say he's been waiting two years to do that again."
"Citizen Riley, you imply that I have an ego?"
"Oh, god yes."
"...Well, even superheroes have their tragic flaws, don't they? On with the show!"
SWF Storm!
Friday, August 15, 2003
LIVE from the Delta Center in Salt Lake City, Utah!!
The card!
Singles Match
Xcalibur vs. Quiz
Quiz is living the high life now that Double Jeopardy has won the tag titles! Xcalibur came up just short at Ground Zero, but maintained his eerie calm throughout. Let's see how Xcalibur does in a more conventional match
Rules: Standard singles match.
Hardcore Match
Nathan Kibagami v. Dante Crane
Hmm... both men came up short at Ground Zero, and each man has a reputation for, shall we say, a slightly violent nature? Let's see if Silent can give Crane a proper SWF welcoming...
Rules: Hardcore, baby!
Singles Match
CIA vs. "The Sinner" John Duran
Consider me suitably impressed. Let's see how he does in singles competition against a suitably talented opponent and SWF mainstay, CIA!
Rules: Standard singles match
No DQ Mask vs. Mask Match
Beezel vs. Sean Atlas
Let's try this again, shall we?
Rules: No DQ, falls count only in the ring. The opponent who fails to win will be forced to unmask.
Singles Match
Show vs. Dace Night
One former tag champ against one current tag champ! Need I say more?
Rules: Standard singles match.
Singles Match
"The Sacred One" Andrew Blackwell vs. "Judge Mental" William Hearford
Both these men came up just short in the fourway dance at Ground Zero. Apparently Blackwell took exception to Judge's actions in that match however, as immediately afterwards he requested a singles match against Justice. Seemed like a good idea. Who am I to let issues go unresolved?
Rules: Standard singles match
An Important Announcement Regarding the Main Event at Genesis IV!
King apparently has some master scheme ready for Genesis, but he's taking a break from that to announce exactly what will be going down at Genesis! Whatever does the Gambling Man have in mind?
Main Event
Singles Match for the ICTV Title
"The Franchise" Mak Francis vs. "The King of Nightmares" Michael Craven
Michael Craven sent an emphatic message out to the world with his big win at Ground Zero! He is more than ready to begin his ascent to the top of his card. In his way is the ICTV champion, who suffered a mild setback with his partner by losing a match for the tag titles. In any event, he will have to get his mind in the game real fast or a surging Craven will bury him just as he did three other men!
Rules: standard rules, dqs and countout
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Or, you could just continue to be cooler than Thoth.
Aww, snap.
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::stunners JD through monkie::
::steals Frost Brand cigar from Annie's promo thread::
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::also no-sells Z's career as a whole::
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ANNIE E! ANNIE E!
If this is a comeback, I think you need to adopt the, ahem, "move" you used on Ejiro in Liston's Calvinball match. That's a potent finisher right there.
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Holy shit. Liston, you're my fucking hero. That's all.
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Eat a big tin of Crisco today. You've earned it.
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Are you 12 years old? Did you even bother to research this or are you really that dumb?
I bet there are more combined "hispanics and blacks" than there are "whites" maybe I'm wrong but I read a poll saying that hispanics are the fasting raising race in america, African Americans were up there too.I took less than one minute on Google. Searched for "us population census by race." First link I click tooked me to Ameristat.org, which had several breakdowns of the US population according to the 2000 census.
Black population as of 2000: 35.4 million
Hispanic population as of 2000: 35.3 million
Total population as of 2000: 281 million
So, combined, hispanics and blacks make up one fourth of the US population. Way to go, slugger.
Edit: Damn, Ripper beat me to it. And he was nicer, too. More cowbell my ass.
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He's pretty darn good. As stated, his delivery is great, and he's superb at wordplay--his rhymes fold back on themselves, pick up in different places--a lot of his songs are just a joy to hear. I don't think it's over-stretching to call him one of the top 10 MCs recording right now. Granted, the furthest underground I get are the guys on Def Jux, but I still listen to a lot. I think his last album was a step down, but the tracks on the 8 Mile soundtrack were all steps up.
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A New York plant is down and has had a "cascading effect" on the national grid. Let's just hope they get something fixed before nightfall.
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New York, Toronto, Ottawa, Syracuse, Detroit, Cleveland, Hartford, and Albany are all out. Very strange. The Port Authority is being effected too. Are a bunch of locations linked to one or two central power areas? It's kinda kooky.
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You don't have to buy The Music. Just go get Physical Graffiti. I've heard half a dozen of their songs and they seem to just ape Zeppelin and write mediocre rock.
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Yeah, I know it's coming out December 9th. I was just hoping somewhere would have some more info on the commentaries, see if they've added anything to the Region 2 sets.
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Well, yeah. But 13-3 owned. Poor, poor season finale. We hardly knew ye.
Sidenote: I've been watching Season 5 on the syndicated weekend re-runs, and I'm getting antsy for those DVDs. Has anyone seen any updates on what's going to be on them anywhere?
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"Mantra," Tool. For about 15 more seconds, and then it's "Schism." If legend has it right, this is the sound of Maynard's cat meowing slowed down, distorted, and reversed.
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Tool's Lateralus is probably a better modern example, I think. It's not a case like a lot of Frank Zappa's stuff, where he just forgoes song breaks, and sort of forces everything together into one big jam. The songs can all be listened to on their own, but when put together..holy shit. That album breathes on its own.Coincidentally listening to that right now. It's a gloomy, rainy day--perfect atmosphere. This is the only album released in the last few years that is in my all-time all-time all-time favorites list. Top 10 levels right here.
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IT'S A SHOOT, BROTHA!
I really liked that, Thugg. It was just...cool. And cool? Is good.
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Nah, that's part of its charm. It's a frickin' juggernaut. We did open separate topics for the end-of-Buffy remembrances and the episode poll, but I think it's cool that everything else is crammed in here. The discussions go all over the place.
Oh, and Youth, I took the liberty of doing a final count: Passion had 13 votes, Becoming Pt. II had 3. DAMN YOU, JENNY CALENDAR'S NECK!
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Same thing goes with the Stones' Exile on Main Street. If you grabbed ten random tracks off it and just threw them on a disc in no particular, it'd probably suck. But together, the way they are, they connect perfectly. And eventually the songs do grow on you, but it takes a while--it took me about 6 or 7 listens all the way through for the album to finally click, and now it's one of my absolute favorites. I like an album that challenges me.
I also really love albums that sort of rise and build the whole way through, so the entire album feels like one sorta unified experience, as much as that sounds like ridiculous hippie bullshit. The most recent example is Trail of Dead's Source Tags & Codes. It sorta floats about, all building to the big venting purge on "Days of Being Wild," climaxes cathartically on "Relative Ways," and then has the epilogue with the piano piece connecting "Relative Ways" and the title track to finish it off. I think I'm going to listen to that right now, actually.
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Jeff Buckley isn't underrated. I wouldn't call him overrated either, but anyone who knows about him seems like him quite a bit. I mean, it's hard not to be a fan: he put out one really great album while he was alive, and has had just a few similarly good things come out posthumously.
I think the Beastie Boys are underrated, by the majority of music listeners at least. Even though it was 17 years ago, the silly stuff on Licensed to Ill is what most people remember about them. Paul's Boutique and Check Your Head are infinitely clever both lyrically and musically, and their other albums ain't half bad either. A lot of people do recognize that they matured throughout their career, but I think they're always going to be remembered for "Fight For Your Right To Party."
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One or two isn't nearly enough. It's either got to be a collection of songs wherein I never want to skip any of them, or an album that's cohesive enough all-around that a problem song or two in the middle isn't a big deal.
Most of the time you *can* judge this by listening to a few songs, maybe one single and two or three album tracks. I'll download anything, but I'll only buy what I really like after that test.
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I bet you didn't get Ted Flink's permission before using his character. Asshole.
SWF Storm for August 15th!
in Smarks Wrestling Federation
Posted · Report reply
A hidden voice pleasantly blares into the arena as the crowd sits around recovering from the last exciting match, “Ladies and Gentlemen, Please rise for the singing of OUR National Anthem…”
“Well, this is a patriotic show,” beams The Cyclone Comet into his microphone with a bright little smile. “I can’t really remember the last time a sporting event had the National Anthem play numerous times.”
“Well… not quite,” reflects Bobby Riley, “But I enjoy this version even more.”
“So why is everyone in the stands booing?”
O say, can you see, by the dawn's early light?
What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watch'd, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there.
O say, does that star spangled banner yet wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
Stepping through the curtain with a huge smile on his face and the United States Title around his waist enters Ejiro Fasaki. Looking at the people with a twinkle in his eyes, Fasaki stops for a moment and tosses out a neat military salute to the whole crowd. With a microphone in hand, everyone already knows that a sermon is on its way. Suffice to say that the audience is none to happy about that fact, and they are sure to let Ejiro know that with a raucous chant….
“FU FASAKI! FU FASAKI! FU FASAKI!”
“No, no, no!” yells Fasaki back at the masses, “The chant you are all looking for is USA! USA! USA!”
“FU FASAKI! FU FASAKI! FU FASAKI!”
Ejiro answers this blatant show of disrespect, “You know something, there are times I get the distinct impression that you people don’t like your own country. Now I know that the fact that Arnold is probably going to be governor of California is a might bit disconcerting and all, but that’s the democratic process for you. In this country, even a filthy German can eventually pretend to be American enough to fool a bunch of illegal immigrants in a state that doesn’t even have power half the time.”
The Comet replies to this tirade, “What the dukes? I don’t believe this young chap is all that patriotic at all. And isn’t Arnold from Austria?”
Ejiro continues, “But the thing of it is, America being the land of opportunity, I think it’s interesting to note that I am being denied the opportunity to come out here tonight and wrestle. And make no mistake; it is very important that I wrestle. Because I represent all of the contiguous United States, Guam, and newly added to the list this week… Canada! Because after all, Canada is just like the United States anyway they are all just in a gigantic state of denial. Plus we would all be enjoying a higher quality of maple syrup and doesn’t that make taking in their great big moose loving asses into our fair country?"
"Seriously, I don’t even have to wrestle as a single! Justice and Rule are ready and waiting for our rematch for the World Tag Team titles. Although we surely understand that the boss likes actual competition for the belts, after all we let all the other tag teams in the federation fight it out for the belts for weeks now in some of the most pointless matches in the history of the federation. After all, Justice and Rule are quite simply the greatest tag team in history and all the other teams here are a bunch of shadowy nothings.”
Ejiro continues, “But the whole point of this is not for me to want and rave regarding my terrible mistreatment or the horrible state of bacon. Oh no, I have a much more important thing to share with each and ever one of you. For you see, folks, there was a little wager on that steel cage match that I just barely managed to win on Pay Per View at Ground Zero, check local listings for the replay. And as a result of my courageous victory over the foreign menace known as The Bahamas, I now have my very own protégé. That’s right, its like I have my own personal United Kingdom that will do anything I tell him! So without further ado, allow me to present to all of you …the new! The improved… The one and only… WILDCHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLD~!”
Coming through the ring curtain with not exactly the same pep as the United States champion saunters the Human Hurricane. But this is not the same hardcore champion that most of the fans are used to, but we’ll get to that in a moment. Stoically walking up the stairs at ringside, Wildchild steps into the ring and stands right in front of his new trainer. And it is there where we learn a whole lot about Wildchild’s new look…
“Wow! Look at you, Wildchild!” marvels Ejiro Fasaki. “First of all, I think its very important to note that you are now dressing better with your shiny, new Justice and Rule jersey! You are now wearing better footwear… since you’re actually wearing footwear. But don’t worry, WC, those boat shoes are so comfortable that it is just like not wearing shoes at all! And most of all, you’re carrying a much better flag than that of The Bahamas. That’s right… it’s OLD GLORY!”
Focusing in on Wildchild displays all of the horrible truth about what Ejiro Fasaki has been saying. Wildchild is indeed wearing a Justice and Rule Jersey. He is indeed wearing boat shoes. And he is indeed carrying the flag of the United States over his shoulder. But oddly none of these improvements have done a thing to make Wildchild a happier person to be around. The Bahama Bomber scowls fiercely at Ejiro as he continues to talk:
“But you know something, Dub Cee? I think that this is just the tip of the iceberg my man. I think we can do better. So, as you stand there, the best you’ve every looked to me. I know that looks aren’t everything and that we can make you an even better performer. So just want all of you fans to remember that!”
“FU FASAKI! FU FASAKI! FU FASAKI!”
“So as your United States Champion works to make your Hardcore Champion a better champion, I just want everyone to remember that I have a LOT of work to do. But, it’s rewarding work; already, I’ve seen a change in this young man. A change for the better! In just a few short days, I have already begun to teach Wildchild the fine art of mat wrestling. By the time I’m through with him, he’ll be so comfortable on the mat, that he’ll never want to climb the ropes again!” Ejiro pauses to soak in the adulation of his fans, but is only met by the now familiar chant:
“FU FASAKI! FU FASAKI! FU FASAKI!”
“Just to prove how much progress I’ve made with Wildchild already, I’ve arranged a little exhibition to demonstrate what he’s learned.” As they walk down towards the ring, the United States Champion continues, “what you’re about to see is a fraction of the wisdom I intend to bestow upon him. I’m going to shape this young man like clay; remove all the impurities, such as his annoying high-risk offense, and his obsessive need to please you poor misguided people…”
“FU FASAKI! FU FASAKI! FU FASAKI!”
Ignoring the jeers, Ejiro goes on, “… and remold him in my image! You will all witness and be amazed, as the Wildchild that you know and love begins to vanish before your very eyes, leaving only a pure wrestler in his place!” Pleased with himself, Ejiro breaks into a wide grin as the crowd boos lustily.
“I say,” says an outraged Cyclone Comet as he begins to stand up. “Someone must put a stop to that scoundrel’s dastardly plans! And that someone is CYCLOOOOO…”
Bobby places a hand on Comet’s shoulder and gently guides him back down to his seat. “You don’t do that any more, Comet. Remember? The doctor said no more fighting dastardly evil doers for you…”
“Be careful with that flag, Wildchild,” orders Ejiro as Wildchild steps between the ropes. “Now, without further ado, bring out my volunteer, and let’s get this exhibition underway!”
Wildchild grabs a hold of the bottom of his Justice and Rule jersey, preparing to lift it up over his head, but Rule stops him, ordering him to wrestle with it on. Fuming, Wildchild walks away from Ejiro as the volunteer wrestler steps out from behind the curtain, to no music.
“Who is that, Citizen Riley,” asks a puzzled Cyclone Comet.
Bobby shrugs in response. “Hell if I know. Must be some scrub on loan from the JL…”
“In tonight’s challenge match, my Wildchild will be testing his mettle against the a fierce opponent! He’s cunning! He’s fearless! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the Hybrid!” The fans in the arena sit on their hands as the seldom-seen JL’er makes his way into the ring…
WHAM!
Wildchild, eager to work out his anger and frustration out on somebody, charges across the ring at Hybrid, smashing him in the face with a flying fist the second he steps into the ring.
DING! DING! DING!
“It looks as if we have an impromptu match,” says Riley. “I’m interested in seeing how much Wildchild has already learned from his fearless leader!”
The bell rings as Wildchild grabs Hybrid by the arm and whips him across the ring, but Hybrid reverses. Hybrid raises his leg to deliver a superkick as Wildchild bounces off the ropes, but the Bahama Bomber runs underneath his legs, coming to a stop behind him and wrapping his arms around Hybrid’s waist with lightning speed, setting his foot behind Hybrid’s to set a heel pick as he lifts the larger man off the ground, surprising him with a waistlock takedown.
“Riley stands up and applauds. “That was SENSATIONAL! Wildchild is finally putting some of that speed to good use! Ejiro is a MIRACLE WORKER!”
Wildchild floats over the top of Hybrid and shifts into a front facelock. Hybrid powers his way to his feet and backs Wildchild into a corner, using the ropes to brace himself as he thrusts his shoulder repeatedly into Wildchild’s midsection to break up the hold. Grabbing Wildchild by the wrist, Hybrid whips him towards the opposite corner, but the Bahama Bomber stops on a dime and spins around, leaping into the air as he pulls Hybrid in towards him, and locking his legs around the larger man’s neck, to take him over in a scintillating rana! The crowd voices their approval as an irritated Ejiro Fasaki climbs onto the ring apron.
“What do you suppose has that fellow so upset,” asks the Comet as Ejiro berates Wildchild in front of the fans.
“It probably had to do with that hurricanrana,” replies Riley. “Wildchild made a deal with Ejiro that if he didn’t win at Ground Zero, he would have to work for him, and do whatever he says. Knowing Ejiro, that move must have gone against what he wanted him to do.”
Reluctantly, Wildchild pushes Hybrid back into a corner and straddles the middle ropes as he prepares to administer a ten-count punch, but Hybrid pushes him away.
WHAM!
Hybrid rushes out of the corner to deliver a clothesline, but the Caribbean Cruiser outmaneuvers him, ducking him behind him and racing up the turnbuckles before leaping off the top, draping his leg across Hybrid’s neck as he drives his larger foe face-first into the canvas with a Caribbean Cutter!
“I have to say,” concedes Riley, “that was a rather impressive counter; Ejiro MUST have taught him that!”
Wildchild leaps back onto the top turnbuckle, preparing to shower Hybrid with spectacular death from above, but Ejiro leaps frantically onto the ring apron and orders him to get down. With a snort, Wildchild reluctantly drops down to the canvas and walks over to the edge of the ring to receive his instructions.
“Be careful, Citizen Wildchild,” warns a wary Cyclone Comet. “Don’t let that dastardly Ejiro lure you into the Brain Suck… Of DOOOOOM~!”
Riley turns to look at his broadcast partner. “So, just how tight is that mask, anyway?”
Wildchild’s eyes widen as he receives instructions from his self-proclaimed mentor. “No way,” he shouts. “Get bent, Fasaki; I won’ do it!”
Ejiro grabs Wildchild by the collar of his jersey and pulls him closer. “Are you saying that you won’t honor our agreement,” he hisses through gritted teeth. “Do I have to notify Suicide King that you can’t be trusted to honor your word? I can’t imagine that he employs people that he can’t trust to fulfill their obligations for very long…”
Boiling with impotent rage, Wildchild steps away from the edge of the ring, and over towards his motionless opponent, still lying facedown on the canvas. Standing in front of him, the Bahama Bomber bends down to snare Hybrid’s in a front facelock, lifting his head off the mat, and then lifting his legs over and around Hybrid’s arms. Crossing his ankles together, so that they are locked underneath Hybrid’s chest, Wildchild drops to his posterior, holding Hybrid captive as he lifts up underneath the larger man’s throat!
“What kind of move is that,” asks the Comet.
“It looks like some kind of variation of a guillotine choke,” replies Riley. “You’ve got to admire Ejiro’s greatness for teaching him how to do something like that. And, in only four days, too!”
Unwilling to spend more than a second in the punishing choke, Hybrid emphatically slaps his hand on the canvas, prompting the referee to motion towards the timekeeper.
DING! DING! DING!
Funyon begins to rise from his seat to pronounce the official decision, but Ejiro quickly walks over towards him, and snatches the microphone from his hand.
“As you can see,” says a proud Ejiro, “when following my guidance, Wildchild is easily able to defeat even the toughest of opponents…”
“Just how tough could that young fellow be,” Comet wonders aloud. “I can’t even detect his power level; he can’t be that strong!”
“… And this is just the tip of the iceberg,” continues Fasaki. “However, I can see that I’ve still got some work to do in the way of breaking you of those bad habits. It’s probably going to take a little bit of time to get this just the way I want it. So, with that, I thank you all! Goodnight, and God Bless America!”
“FU FASAKI! FU FASAKI! FU FASAKI!”
“Well, I must say that I am not pleased with the disposition of that Ejiro fellow,” remarks Comet as Wildchild opens the ropes for Ejiro’s exit out of the ring, “but the night is still young. Stay tuned fans for even more SWF action in just two minutes.”
Meanwhile, back in the International Incident locker room, an un-amused CIA and Mak Francis look at the proceedings through a monitor…
As we:
FADE OUT