chirs3

FADE IN Wildchild and Melissa are walking towards SWF Commissioner Joeseph Peters' office. "Do you know what this is about?" asks Melissa. "No," replies WC. "But he probably wants t'scold me for attacking Van Siclen earlier tonight." "Do you think that he'll get Van Siclen to waive his veto?" "I'm hopin'," replies the Bahama Bomber. "I really don' know if he's enough of a man t'face up t'what he did t'me, but if he is..." BANG! Fasaki shrieks as Mike Van Siclen seemingly comes out of nowhere to blast her boyfriend in the back of the head with a steel chair! She tries to cover WC to protect him, but MVS shoves her out of the way, as he waves off into the distance, signalling for someone to come over. "I decided to cut a deal with Peters," MVS growls into Wildchild's ear. "I agreed to give you a match, on one condition..." BANG! Van Siclen pauses to deliver another vicious chairshot to WC's back. The mysterious entities that he was waving to finally arrives on the scene, revealing themselves to be Kerry Staunton and Scott Rageheart! "All you've got to do to get your match," continues Van Siclen, "is beat Staunton and Rageheart at Ground Zero... in a handicap match!" With that, Van Siclen steps aside as Staunton and Rageheart pull WC to his feet and lift him up off the canvas before hitting him with a double-powerbomb! They discard WC to the floor, and Van Siclen moves in to stand over him. "Oh yeah," says MVS, "there's one more catch that I forgot to tell you about: you have to win by pinfall or submission! If you don't, you're going to be suspended for fifty days... good luck, chump!" Melissa scrambles over to try and revive Wildchild as MVS and StauntHeart walk off... As we: FADE OUT

Canadian Murder Machine win with Canadianosity. MANSON comes in and melts them for their arrogance. FADE OUT

"Y'know, this'd better be good," Landon complains as he and Michael Stephens wander the backstage area looking for a monitor (thankfully they don't have John Hammond directing them via two-way radio). "Hey, don't blame me," Stephens replies. "First of all, this wasn't my idea. Secondly, I never asked you to come." "So you're trailing around here simply cos you're ex said so?" Maddix asks, "Jesus man, what's that all about?" "Because I think she's probably got a good reason," Stephens says with a certain lack of patience. "Anyway, if your ex asked you to do something you'd do it, because she's my sister and she'd kick your arse if you didn't. And if she didn't," he adds, "I would." "You know, you're really not getting into the whole 'teamwork' vibe, are you?" Landon protests. "'Lesson One: offering your partner physical violence does not strengthen the team!'" "Bite me, Landon." "I'm your tag team partner, not your sexual partner," Maddix sniffs, "and you just walked past a monitor, genius. Do you want to watch this stupid video or not?" Stephens sighs, but notices that his partner is correct; while arguing he did indeed walk straight past a monitor. He crosses his arms and awaits enlightenment while Landon somehow manages to find a boiled sweet from somewhere, apparently just so he can give that real cinema vibe of people making lots of noise with sugary snacks right behind you... ===================================== [bLACK SCREEN] "In its history, mankind has learned to fear." [The screen changes to shots of war and devastation; the Second World War; the Vietnam War; the Gulf War] "We have learned to fear pain. We have learned to fear suffering. We have learned to fear death. But most of all, we have learned to fear the beast within." [Fast-cut shots that show small details of a man: an extreme closeup of an eye; a snarling mouth; a shot from behind that shows the musculature of his back] "Now things are about to change." [shots of a man in a ring, illuminated somewhere in what appears to be a dark warehouse. The distance of the shots are either too great to make out details or too close to get a a full picture. What is clear, however, is the destruction being visited on an opponent or sparring partner.] "It is no longer our own beast we need to fear." [A grainy image is shown of a man hunched over, standing up to his full height. As he rises, the view shifts to an upward angle making the man somewhat imposing] HEIGHT: 6' 4" [The shot pans out and around, slowly circling the man and this makeshift ring. A shadowy outline quivers around him as the loop continues and then it all stops] WEIGHT: 258 lbs [A primal roar echoes throughout the dilapidated building exploding like a shockwave, seemingly even causing the ropes to shake as the voice settles in to a low growl] LAST KNOWN LOCATION: ATLANTA STATE PENITENTIARY [The camera loop comes to an abrupt end and now only a tight shot centered on a tattoo, a triad of sixes on the back of the man's neck, remains] STATUS: RELEASED [The man deliberately turns, and now for the first time his features can be seen. Two cold, hazel eyes stare into the camera, framed by black hair that's just starting to get long enough to be straggly. An amused sneer crosses his face for a second before one hand reaches out and grips the camera. The picture shakes violently, then blurs as the camera is apparently thrown into the wall. Everything goes black.] GABRIEL DRAKE GROUND ZERO 2006 FEAR THE BEAST ================================= Backstage, Michael Stephens stares at the monitor. The colour has drained from the World Champion's face, noticeable even with his naturally pale skin. For a moment the only sound is a couple of shuddering breaths. Even the small crowd of road agents and backstage crew who came over to see what Stephens and Maddix were looking at have stopped talking; everyone's looking at the Englishman. He looks shocked. And possibly scared. Michael Stephens has looked many things in his SWF career. Angry, defiant, cocky, sneering, exhausted, amused, cheerful, triumphant and in some cases, downright psychopathic. Shocked has been known before, as well. Scared... well, that's kind of a new one. Every eye is on Stephens, waiting to see what he'll do next. "Oh shit." What he does next is turn around and leave. Fast.

We cut backstage, more specifically the Jurassic Park loading bay where the SWF production trucks are parked along side the ambulance and various other trucks that are used to feed or clean up after the dinosaurs. Professor Attenborough is there with Nemesis in tow talking to some road agent [presumably a retired SWF personality who just couldn’t hack it any more] The camera is zoomed in on Prof. Attenborough and the road agent, with Nemesis standing motionless behind the professor in shot from his chin on down since he’s so freaking tall (Prof.) “Yeah first I was thinking that this guy could make a fortune in Hollywood, but the sideshow freaks don’t get paid well when they can have CGI instead” (Road Agent) “So that’s why you came here?” (Prof.) “Hey if there is one place where people still appreciate a big freak of nature it’s wrestling. It was a natural fit and well the SWF cut us a really profitable deal” The road agent keeps looking up at Nemesis, sweating nervously at the mere sight of the big guy (Road Agent) “Are you sure he’s under control?” (Prof.) “Of course he is, the “Tome of the Gods” gives me total control of him” The Professor shows the road agent the ancient book. Neither the professor nor the road agent seem to notice the EMT crew pushing the gurney with Ced Ordonez past them heading for the ambulance, they didn’t notice but Nemesis did as he turns and looks at the gurney going past them. (Road Agent) “Aren’t you afraid that someone will steal it?” (Prof.) “My dear boy, I’ve got an IQ of 165: Don’t you think I’m prepared for that?” The Professor shows that the book is handcuffed to his wrist and thus quite securely in his possession. (Road Agent) “I see” (Prof.) “There’s got to be a way to make some money around here beyond what he makes from his SWF contract” The Professor is a greedy bastard in case you didn’t know. (Road Agent) “Well there are endorseme-“ But the Road Agent doesn’t go on, he notices that something is wrong or to be precise, something is missing: Nemesis!! He quickly spins around to find out where the big man has wandered off to. At first he cannot see him anywhere but when the ambulance tries to pull out of the loading bay it becomes apparent where he went. ¤REEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOAAAAAHHH!!!¤ Nemesis appears as if out of nowhere right in front of the ambulance and slams his fists against the windscreen, the second time he slams his right hand against the glass the glass shatters as Nemesis keeps howling and roaring. * BANG * * CRASH * ¤OORRRRRRRRRREEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!¤ * BOOM-BOOM-BOOM * Nemesis keeps pounding away on the front of the ambulance, breaking headlights, denting the metal and scaring the crap out of the ambulance driver who jumps out of the car and runs away. (Prof.) “NEMESIS!!” At first the giant ignores Professor Attenborough and begins to rock the ambulance back and forth by pushing on the side of it, roaring like a savage beast as he tries his best to get inside the ambulance to attack Ced Ordonez once more. (Prof.) “NEMESISSSSSSSSSSSS!! BY THE POWER OF ZEUS I ORDER YOU TO STOP!!” The Professor roars as he holds the Tome of the Gods up in the air. That has the desired effect as Nemesis stops dead in his tracks and just looks at the book in the Professor’s hand. Then he slowly turns away from the ambulance and towards the Professor. (Prof.) “Good lad, now you were saying something about endorsements?” The Professor seems to be totally undisturbed by the fact that Nemesis beat up an Ambulance only moments ago and instead seems to want to know more about sponsorships and endorsement deal. The road agent can’t help but gulp in fear as Nemesis returns to his master’s side like an obedient dog: a 7 foot 4 inch monster of an obedient dog. *Fade*

MVS vs. GRENDEL - TBE?! IDK! WTF?!?!

“OK, so combinations of our real names don’t work. Otherwise we end up as Michael Maddix, and that just sounds like a bad fashion designer. But come on, there must be something else!” Michael Stephens and Landon Maddix are discussing team names. “I mean, I’m the Sensation and you’re La Cucaracha… but I don’t fancy being part of a team called ‘The Sensational Cockroaches’, so that one’s out.” Well, Michael Stephens is anyway. “But you’re also the Next Generation, right? How about Generation Sensation? The Sensational Generation? Er… The Next Sensation?” Landon Maddix isn’t really taking part. “Oh bloody hell Landon,” Stephens growls, kicking a locker, “will you give it a rest?” La Cucaracha calmly removes the earplugs of his personalised Pepsi iPod (compatible with Ghost Machine versions 2.0 and up) and looks over at his tag team partner. Stephens looks frustrated, the Englishman’s temper (never that long to begin with) shortening rapidly. However, he and Landon are now able to be in the same room without attempting to kill each other, for a short time at least. That doesn’t mean they’ve been given a joint dressing room of course; even Joe Peters isn’t that stupid. “Sorry, nothing I can do,” Maddix says with apparent sincerity, “Peters has already copyrighted the name Two Skinny White Guys. I’ve even heard that he’s getting merchandise done.” “Oh, brilliant,” the World Champion snorts, “I can see that T-shirt shifting quickly. For God’s sake, you can’t even abbreviate it. TSWG? That has to be,” he carries on, “one of the worst names for a tag team I’ve ever-” “Hi!” There wasn’t a knock, because damn it, SWF staff don’t need to knock. Jet, more commonly known these days as Naomi Walters, SWF talent scout and part-time PA to Joseph Peters, pokes her head around the door. “Hey up,” Stephens nods, “how’s it going?” “The SWF’s copyrighted Two Skinny White Guys, right?” Landon asks excitedly. Jet looks at him and nods, bringing a cry of “told you!” from La Cucaracha, then turns her attention back to Michael Stephens. “Not really a social call,” she says, checking her watch, “I just dropped in to let you know that… well, you know those promotional videos that have been going up on SWF.com?” “No,” Stephens says. “Nuh-uh,” Landon adds. Jet looks from one to the other, then sighs. “OK, well you’ll have to trust me on that one,” she says. “Anyway, one’s being broadcast tonight that actually gives the name of the new guy, and I thought that it was my duty to inform all active members of the SWF roster about this.” “Yeah, we know about him,” Stephens says, “Nemesis, right? Some freaky tall guy-” “No,” Jet interrupts him, fixing him with a stare, “someone else.” “Look Naomi,” Mike grins, “it’s great that we’re getting new blood in, but I don’t even know where there’s a monitor around here and I’ve got to try and think up something that’s better than Two Skinny Freaking Whi-” he gets cut off suddenly as Jet strides into the room and advances on him, eyes blazing. Stephens backs up, startled, while Landon has put his headphones back in and is oblivious to the world again. “You listen to me,” Namoi hisses, prodding her ex-boyfriend in the chest with her finger, “there is a video being shown tonight that gives the name of the latest addition to the SWF roster. As you are the SWF World Champion I would strongly suggest that you familiarise yourself with the name of this new arrival. Also, please note that I will be telling everyone on the roster about this, and am not singling you out in any way, shape or form, especially not because I may have some reason to think that you might be interested in knowing the name of the newest addition to the SWF roster as soon as possible.” “…right,” Stephens says, still clearly at a loss. “So… you reckon I should see this video.” Jet nods, not trusting herself to speak. “In that case, I’ll see the video,” the World Champion decides. He pauses for a moment, then his eyes narrow. “And if I heard you correctly, this advice from you is coming in your role as a member of the SWF backstage staff, correct?” “That’s right,” Jet confirms, “and absolutely not in any way as your ex-girlfriend with whom you are still on friendly terms, and who might have an interest in your welfare.” She nods at Landon, bobbing his head up and down with his eyes closed in some vague semblance of rhythm. “Landon there can confirm that I informed him as well, not just you. And now I’m going to inform all the rest of the roster as well.” “Understood,” Mike nods, then as Jet turns to go he adds, “you, er, might want to shout it at the Blanks. Apparently Bruce ate some chilli burritos last night and they’ve had to establish a safe zone around him.” Jet winces as she goes out of the door. Stephens looks around at his tag team partner, the faint scratching sound of music coming from his headphones, and shakes his head. Then picks up his trusty black holdall with the SWF World Title in it and, as quietly as he can, slips out of the door. “Now,” he mutters, looking up and down the corridor, “where’s the nearest bloody monitor?” “You shouldn’t be wandering around by yourself,” Landon chides, appearing at his side, “there’s dangerous creatures about!” “Oh, and you’re going to scare them off?” Stephens snipes, selecting a direction at random and marching off, then trying to ignore the fact that Landon easily keeps up with him, “then again, with your music taste you probably could…”

"Night of Fire!" The lights go out as the beat of the Niko composed theme begins to excite the crowd. Then.... "FIRE!" *BOOM!* Pillars of flames briefly light up the entrance before disappearing and revealing Ced Ordonez standing on the stage. He fires up the crowd as best as he can before jogging towards the ring. He slides in and promptly makes his way to the far turnbuckle, giving the crowd an obligatory face pose. He hops down and gets in some quick leg stretches before his opponent is introduced (King) “I don’t have any details on this guy Nemesis, did you get any notes Mak?” (Mak) “I heard he lost to Janus a while back” (King) “Somehow I don’t think this guys is the same creature with a rocket launcher that was about to destroy the ring” (King) “Hey who’s this asshole?” A man comes out through the curtains, looks like he’s in his 60ties, grey hair, grey beard tweed jacket with leather patches on his elbows looking every bit the boring old professor. (Mak) “Is THAT Nemesis?” (King) “No way, not unless they are turning this into a retirement home” (Mak) “WCW already tried that and failed” (King) “ZING!!” The old man walks to the ring with a dusty old book tugged under his arm, then he takes the microphone from the ring announcer to address Ced Ordonez and the crowd gathered tonight. (Prof.) “I am Professor Attenborough *sigh* no not David I’m William Attenborough!” The professor looks a little annoyed at having to explain that he’s not his much more famous older brother David, nor is he Richard Attenborough and he’s not totally happy with being in this place either for obvious reasons. (Prof.) “But this isn’t about me, this is about you Ced Ordonez! Who do you think you are?” The Cross Wizard looks a bit confused in the ring, then he points to himself and says that he’s Ced Ordonez of course (Prof.) “By coming out here and thinking you are going to accomplish anything but getting your ass kicked you’re committing an act of hubris!” (King) “Hubris, isn’t that a Korean car?” (Mak) “I think you mean a Hyundai there King” (Prof.) “And as we all know” *arrogant look at the crowd around him who probably DON’T know* “An act of Hubris can only be repaid in one way, it can only be repaid with an act of NEMESIS!!!” The Professor holds up the old, dusty book and says chants something in an ancient language as the lights in the arena slowly die down (thank god that the sun has gone down or this would look stupid). Then nothing. And then * BOOOOOOoooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm * (Mak) “What the hell was that?” The distant impact is heard or maybe more like felt in the entire arena, rattling the teeth of those closest to the entrance and sending vibrations through the chairs of those further back, which is not an altogether unpleasant sensation. The rumbling continues until a flaming inferno of green fireworks illuminate the entire arena. Once the flames die out something steps through the smoke, something huge and inhuman looking. (Mak) “Hold me King!” (King) “Get off me!” A giant 7’4’’ tall florescent, one armed, green horned skeleton steps out of the smoke breathing smoke itself as he slowly heads to the ring with deliberate measured steps. It’s not until he passes people by that they realize that it’s not a skeleton as such but a giant of a man in a black outfit lit made fluorescent by black light. In the distance thunder and lighting still rumbles as the lights slowly return to normal revealing the giant known as Nemesis. (Mak) “I don’t know what’s scarier looking, the glowing skeleton or the monster in full light” Ced Ordonez looks on in disbelief as the giant monster of a man walks up the ring steps and then steps over the top rope the way anyone else would step over the second rope. Ordonez may have looked confident before but when he hardly comes up to the big man’s chest cage it’s not a good sign if you’re Ced Ordonez. (King) “This is our first look at this creature, this monster called Nemesis” (Mak) “Makes me glad I’m retired I’ll tell you that much” (King) “Amen!” * DING! * DING! * DING! * Nemesis just stands there in the middle of the ring, not moving an inch, no motion at all making him look more like he was carved in stone than made out of flesh and bone. Ordonez gets a bit impatient and decides that the best defense is a good offence and launches himself at his opponent with a shoulder tackle NO REACTION!! Nemesis just takes the shoulder tackle to the midsection and just stands there, looking down at his much smaller opponent. Ordonez then tries a couple of forearms aimed and what’s probably Nemesis’ solar plexus but once again to very little reaction from the monster (King) “I think Ced Ordonez should just give up now before he gets hurt” (Mak) “You won’t find a single guy in the SWF that’ll just run away without putting up a fight” Being a stubborn California Ced Ordonez tries to knock Nemesis down one more time, coming off the ropes with that little bit of extra OOMPH that it gives wrestlers. * BAM * I believe the expression is “knocked ass over elbow”, something that Ordonez knows quite well now as he ran face first into a boot from Nemesis and got knocked “ass over elbow” from it. (Mak) “So he CAN move” (King) “Of course he can move, he didn’t come to the ring by using a crane” Nemesis pulls on the edge of his glove before slapping his big hand on Ordonez’s forehead grabbing him with the iron claw pulling him to his feet by the claw alone. Ordonez weakly tries to knock Nemesis’ hand away but the Colossus ignores the weak punch and then lifts “The Bemani Cross Wizard” up in the air BY THE CLAW ALONE!! (King) “My god such power!” (Mak) “EEEEP!!” Nemesis slams Ced Ordonez down hard with the Claw-Slam and then pulls his opponent back up before throwing his helpless victim into the corner. Ordonez *is* a victim and not an opponent for the giant Nemesis, something he demonstrates by dropping a massive overhead chop to the top of Ordonez’s skull knocking Ordonez down into the ropes (King) “He calls that the Hand of the Gods” (Mak) “I can see why, one more of those and Ordonez will meet God” Nemesis raises his gloved right hand once more and lets a might chop land on Ced Ordonez’s neck that sends the much smaller man crashing to the canvas. (Prof.) “FOOT OF THE GODS!” The Professor is directing traffic on the outside, shouting to Nemesis while holding up the ancient book and grinning like a mad man, they’ll forget all about David or Richard after tonight, at least in the SWF. As ordered so done as Nemesis puts a foot on Ordonez’s chest and steps up on it putting all of his 410 pounds of weight on the Bemani Cross Wizard causing his legs to flail in pain for a second before the Colossus steps off him (Mak) “Where the hell did he find this monster? Was he bred in a lab or something?” (King) “Yeah or he’s half machine right?” (Mak) “Half machine? Don’t be retarded!” The giant Nemesis goes over to the corner and grabs the ring pole with both hands before stepping up on the middle rope, he bounces up and down a few times to get some momentum before executing the N-Bomb by leaping up into the air while pushing himself backwards landing a big splash on Ced Ordonez before going for a cover 1!! 2!! But Nemesis isn’t done yet so he pulls Ordonez’s shoulder’s off the canvas by grabbing his victim by the hair. Nemesis stands up with Ordonez looking like he’s already out cold. Nemesis just stands there and looks at Professor Attenborough waiting for instructions. The professor raises the old book in the air with a grin (King) “What’s next?” What comes next is the Colossus Drop, which is a standing senton bomb that sees all 410 pounds of Nemesis come crashing down on Ced Ordonez’s chest * THUD * But Nemesis doesn’t cover even though he could probably have had a 30 count by now, instead he gets back up and looks at the Professor for guidance. The Professor still has the open book held up in the air but quickly slams it shut the second Nemesis looks at him and the grins an evil sadistic laugh. (Mak) “Someone end this, please put an end to this carnage” But no one seems to want to get in Nemesis way as the big man hoists Ced Ordonez up on his shoulders in a fireman’s carry position. Then he throws him up in the air like his opponent weight nothing at all flipping him into an F5 but holding on to his head driving Ced Ordonez into the canvas with a DDT * BL-DAMN * (King) “That’s it, stick a fork in him he’s done” (Mak) “Yes please let it be done” Nemesis gets up after executing the “Fall from Mount Olympus and puts a boot on Ced Ordonez’s chest as the referee does the quick three count 1!! 2!! 3!! * DING! * DING! * DING! * (Ring announcer) “The winner of the match in 2 minutes and 5 seconds, NEMESIS!!” (Mak) “I haven’t seen Ordonez move since Nemesis hit that last move, have you King?” (King) “No I haven’t” (Mak) “This could be bad” (King) “Don’t go away fans we’ll be right back with Grendel facing off against Mike Van Siclen” Mak shoots the Suicide King a strange look as he goes from being worried about Ced Ordonez to shilling Smarkdown only seconds later. * Commercial break * ¤=¤=¤=¤=¤=¤ SWF.COM “Smarkdown Unlimited Feed” ¤=¤=¤=¤=¤=¤ While the rest of the viewers are watching boring commercials the most hardcore and technologically advanced SWF fans are tuned in to SWF.com to see what goes on during the commercial breaks. At first they just see two Emergency Medical Technicians heading to the ring complete with a stretcher, a back board and a medical bag to attend to Ced Ordonez after his slaughter at the hands of Nemesis. Professor Attenborough leads Nemesis out of the ring as the two EMTs put Ced Ordonez on the backboard and then straps him in to help him out of the ring. But the peace doesn’t last long as Nemesis suddenly turns his back on the exit and attacks the EMTs, knocking them down before they can pull Ced Ordonez onto the gurney * DING!! * DING!! * DING!! * DING!! * DING!! * DING!! * DING!! * DING!! * DING!! * The time keeper desperately rings the bell hoping in vain that it will stop the monster’s attack. But Nemesis doesn’t even seem to hear the bell as he grabs Ced Ordonez’s backboard and just tosses it and Ordonez along with it from the apron of the ring and into the guardrail * CRASH * Officials and road agents and other SWF personnel rush to the ring to try and stop Nemesis’ onslaught on Ced Ordonez, but none of them dare actually touch the big man as he grabs the gurney, raises it up in the air and then slams it down on top of the already battered Ced Ordonez. Finally we see Professor William Attenborough step in with the old book raised up in the air, that seems to get the monster’s attention and he stops his onslaught. Moments later the Colossus follows a smiling Professor Attenborough out of the arena while a new set of EMTs check on the first set of EMTs as well as the unfortunate Ced Ordonez. See aren’t you glad you decided to visit SWF.com? Shouldn’t you tell all your friends about it?

"Do something!" SWF Joseph Peters looks up at Mike Van Siclen with his most neutral facial expression. "Would you care to be more specific?" "Damn it," roars Van Siclen, "about Wildchild! Do something!" "What, exactly," asks Peters neutrally, " would you care for me to do?" "I don't care!" snaps MVS. "Fire him, suspend him... something!" "I'm afraid that I'm not going to be firing Wildchild, Michael." SLAM! Pencils, staplers, day planners, and all manner of office supplies go flying about as Van Siclen slams both hands onto the commissioner's desk. "Damn it, Peters, I own you; if I tell you to fire Wildchild, you'd damned well better do it!" "Actually, mister Van Siclen, I don't have the authority to fire people," replies Peters. "I can merely make recommendations to the board. And, while they tend to go with my suggestions, I can assure you that there's pretty much no chance that they will agree to fire Wildchild. He makes the SWF too much money in worldwide merchandising." "Oh, for god's sake!" screams Van Siclen. "Isn't there anything that I can do to get this jackass out of my life?" "Well, maybe you could work with me," replies Peters. "I've got a proposition for you..."

The camera fades back into Jurassic Park, the various scientists and park guests cheering their lungs out as the camera pans around, revealing such signs as that depicting an image of a prehistoric pig with “JURASSIC PORK”, a girl wearing three shirts with “TRI-SARAH-TOPS” pointing at her, and one that says “IF T-REX SHOWS UP, WE RIOT,” before panning down to the announce table, occupied by none other than Mak Francis and the Suicide King! “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Smarkdown!” beams the Franchise. “I’m the Franchise, Mak Francis, joined as always by my partner the Suicide King, and what a match we have for you to open the show!” “Fuckin’ A right!” screeches the Suicide King at the top of his lungs. “An Octopus is going to fuckin’ fuck A Velociraptor in the fuck!” “Shit, King’s on the chronic again,” sighs Mak. “Fuck!” shouts King before sprinting off into the darkness, his hands poised as a dinosaur’s. “This is perfect,” groans Francis. Who’s going to be his replacement?” Immediately, an SWF staff member runs up and sets up Cardboard Comet – in a cardboard neck brace of course, after taking the Riot Act from MVS, which looks more like one of those cardboard cup holders from Starbucks – at the announce table, prompting a screech of frustration from the Franchise as the lights dim and ‘Under the Sea’ hits, to a massive pop! “Ladies and gentlemen,” booms Funyon, “the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is to be contested under Cruiserweight rules! Introducing first, from The Great Barrier Reef, Queensland, Australia, weighing in at 118 pounds…the ONLY undefeated SWF competitor…AAAAAANNN!! OOOOCCTOOOOPPUUUUSSS!!” Then A Velociraptor eats him. Oh noez! “Oh noez!” says Mak. Cardboard Comet is silent. FADE OUT

"I'm here with Mike Van Siclen," says Ben Hardy. "And Mister Van Siclen, I understand that Wildchild has requested a match against you, a match that you've allegedly used your veto power to refuse. Can I get your comments?" "Let me set the record straight, you little twerp," grumbles Van Siclen. "This is a business, and I have to protect my interests. Wildchild is still all bent out of shape over something that happened over two years ago, and I don't have time for his 'woe is me' act!" "But, Mister Van Siclen," asks Hardy, "you nearly ended his career when you separated his shoulder two years ago. Don't you think that you at least owe him a match?" "I don't owe him anything," insists Van Siclen. "The past is the past, and I don't have any interest in getting in the ring with somebody that holds a personal grudge from two years ago; it's unprofessional!" "Unprofessional?" Ben repeats incredulously. "How is it any less unprofessional than when you put him out of wrestling for eight months?" "Like I said," Van Siclen replies dismissively, "the past is the past. Everybody who gets in that ring has a reasonable expectation for his opponent to be a professional, love, hate or indifferent. And the fact of the matter is that I can't trust Wildchild to be a professional. It's obvious that he won't let the past go, and I can't afford to put my future earning potential in jeopardy by putting my career in his hands. I've got to look out for number one, so I'm not going to do it!" "Is there any circumstance under which you would consider granting Wildchild a match?" asks Hardy. Van Siclen smirks in response. "None as far as I'm conce..." WHAM! Van Siclen is interrupted in mid-sentence, as Wildchild comes running in from around the corner and tackles him to the ground! The Bahama Bomber begins hammering him with punches until Van Siclen can push him away. WC gets to his feet and grabs MVS by the back of the head, but Van Siclen stuns him with a rake of the eyes before running off in the opposite direction. Wildchild tries to give chase, but is stopped by a handful of road agents... As we: FADE OUT

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF Smarkdown! Live, Monday, July 24th, from Jurassic Park! (6pm PST, 10pm EST; check local listings) (Send all promos/marked matches to chirs3) -=-=-=-=- MAIN EVENT: INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP ELIMINATION FOUR-WAY "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs. "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu vs. "Iron" Mike Cross vs. Bruce Blank -> This is the brawl to end it all. The four competitors won their respective qualifying matches, and the winner of this one walks out the International Champion! Will Spike Jenkins pay for his cockiness and suffer the finishers he subjected Amy Stephens to? Will Akira Kaibatsu harness the divine wind north of the ring? Will Iron Mike show his steel will? Will Wayne Blank somehow manage to win it all? Only time will tell. Rules: Two men in, two men out, tag rules. Elimination style. Disqualifications and count-outs are in full effect. -=-=-=-=- TAG TEAM TERROR Kerry Staunton and Scott Rageheart vs. The Axis (Trent Hawk and Ciro Vitale) -> Staunton and Rageheart suffered a tough defeat to the Tag Team Champions about a week ago, while the Axis is still finding its niche. This one should be good, and the winners, as always, are likely to be rewarded. Rules: Standard. Mind the tag ropes! -=-=-=-=- SINGLES MATCH OF APPARENT IMPORT Grendel vs. Mike Van Siclen Special Guest Commentators: Tom Flesher and Grendel's Mask On A Styrofoam Head -> Grendel and Tom Flesher are on a collision course for the upcoming pay-per-view. Tom will be providing his usual level of rapier wit, while Grendel's Mask On A Styrofoam Head will be calling the action with him. Why Mike Van Siclen? Since when does MVS need an excuse to rage through the ring? Rules: Standard. -=-=-=-=- OPENING BOUT Nemesis vs. Ced Ordonez -> After Janus knocked Nemesis' lights out in Raccoon City, he's been itching for some pay- ... what? Oh, wrong Nemesis. This one's a newbie, it looks like. Awesome! Rules: Standard. -=-=-=-=- SPECIAL ATTRACTION An Octopus vs. A Velociraptor -> The SWF's main attraction, An Octopus, takes on hometown hero A Velociraptor in a battle of wits! Rules: Standard. -=-=-=-=-

1. Via PM or this thread, lemme know your PPV plans. Even if I know them already, tell me again. 2. So the Fictional World Tour isn't going over as swimmingly as I'd hoped. Live and learn, I suppose. Even so, I do think going on themed tours, like the Hell or High Water Southern Tour, is better than "random midwestern arena, random midwestern arena, random midwestern arena". What do you guys think? Do you like the idea of themed tours? What are some tours we should consider doing in the future? Go as wild (or mild ) as you like. And no, we're not taking nominations for Official PPV Theme Song this time. You'll understand when the time comes.

Last call for PPV plans and the like.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF Smarkdown! Live, Monday, July 24th, from Jurassic Park! (6pm PST, 10pm EST; check local listings) (Send all promos/marked matches to chirs3) -=-=-=-=- MAIN EVENT: INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP ELIMINATION FOUR-WAY "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs. "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu vs. "Iron" Mike Cross vs. Bruce Blank -> This is the brawl to end it all. The four competitors won their respective qualifying matches, and the winner of this one walks out the International Champion! Will Spike Jenkins pay for his cockiness and suffer the finishers he subjected Amy Stephens to? Will Akira Kaibatsu harness the divine wind north of the ring? Will Iron Mike show his steel will? Will Wayne Blank somehow manage to win it all? Only time will tell. Rules: Two men in, two men out, tag rules. Elimination style. Disqualifications and count-outs are in full effect. Word Limit: 6000 Send to: chirs3 -=-=-=-=- TAG TEAM TERROR Kerry Staunton and Scott Rageheart vs. The Axis (Trent Hawk and Ciro Vitale) -> Staunton and Rageheart suffered a tough defeat to the Tag Team Champions about a week ago, while the Axis is still finding its niche. This one should be good, and the winners, as always, are likely to be rewarded. Rules: Standard. Mind the tag ropes! Word Limit: 4500 Send to: Ace309 -=-=-=-=- SINGLES MATCH OF APPARENT IMPORT Grendel vs. Mike Van Siclen Special Guest Commentators: Tom Flesher and Grendel's Mask On A Styrofoam Head -> Grendel and Tom Flesher are on a collision course for the upcoming pay-per-view. Tom will be providing his usual level of rapier wit, while Grendel's Mask On A Styrofoam Head will be calling the action with him. Why Mike Van Siclen? Since when does MVS need an excuse to rage through the ring? Rules: Standard. Word Limit: 4500 Send to: Evolution -=-=-=-=- OPENING BOUT Nemesis vs. Ced Ordonez -> After Janus knocked Nemesis' lights out in Raccoon City, he's been itching for some pay- ... what? Oh, wrong Nemesis. This one's a newbie, it looks like. Awesome! Rules: Standard. Word Limit: 4000 Send to: chirs3 -=-=-=-=- SPECIAL ATTRACTION An Octopus vs. A Velociraptor -> The SWF's main attraction, An Octopus, takes on hometown hero A Velociraptor in a battle of wits! Rules: Standard. Word Limit: 3000 Send to: chirs3 -=-=-=-=- Opening Promo: Unclaimed. -=-=-=-=- NOTES: The ring will be constructed in the middle of an open plain, with fencing surrounding it. Fans will be airlifted into the closed-off area. Treat them nicely: they won a contest. (Yes, that'll do.) The security of the fencing is at the discretion of the writer. Match-lite card, as we're one show shy of the Pay Per View, and that means promo-age! But, as always, if you reeeeeeeeally want a match, just clear it with your opponent and let me know. Anyone who wants to write for An Octopus or A Velociraptor, feel free.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- THIS WEEK IN SWF HISTORY - JULY 16th TO JULY 22nd 2005 SHOWS: Family Friendly Lockdown from Paris, France! ---> Toxxic def. THE ORIGINAL Ghost Machine~! ---> Wildchild def. El Luchadore Magnifico~! PROMOS: -- Nick "The Hitlist" Blum shows up... 2004 SHOWS: SWF Storm from the HSBC Arena in Buffalo, New York ---> 42nd Street def. Revolution Zero to retain the SWF Tag Team Championship! ---> Johnny Dangerous def. Landon Maddix in a No Gravity Match to become the ICTV Champion! ---> Toxxic def. Tom Flesher! --->Storm HOLT Report Lockdown from Madison Square Garden ---> Lockdown HOLT Report PROMOS: ---> Candace debuts! 2003 SHOWS: SWF Lockdown from the First Union Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania ---> Michael Craven def. Wildchild to retain the US Championship! ---> The Magnificent Seven def. The Unholy Trinity in a SIX MAN TAG~! ---> The Boston Strangler def. Thoth to become THE NEW SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION~!~!~! SWF Smarkdown from the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California ---> International Incident def. The Turner Empire to become #1 Contenders to the Tag Team Championships! ---> Ejiro Fasaki def. Michael Craven to become the new US Champion! ---> Tom Flesher def. Jay Dawg to become #1 Contender to the World Heavyweight Championship! COMMUNITY BOARD: -- Day Three of the WDW Brawl 2002 SHOWS: SWF Storm from the Greensboro Coliseum in Greensboro, North Carolina ---> Thoth def. The Boston Strangler to become #1 Contender to the World Heavyweight Championship! ---> The Midnight Carnival def. Chilly Chilly Bang Bang to retain the Tag Team Championships! SWF Smarkdown from the Halifax Metro centre in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada ---> Z def. Tom Flesher by countout, so Flesher retains his US Championship! ---> Edwin MacPhisto def. Lerrin Breggan in a Canadian Deathmatch to retain the World Heavyweight Championship! 2001 SHOWS: IGNite! ---> Spark def. Chris Wilson to become the new Hardcore Gamers Champion! ---> Edwin MacPhisto def. Neilsen of the Jungle in a Stairway to Hell Match! PROMOS: -- "The Death of Reason, or How Some Jobbers Got Their Groove Back" -- "Stubby's Fabulous 1000th Post Promo!" -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I think it's kind of neat that a year after Thoth beats TBS for Contendership to the World Title, TBS beats Thoth for the World Title. Also, if I had been doing this regularly, we would've celebrated the Fourth Anniversary of The Carnival in Toyland recently... Missed it by about 10 days, but I'm plugging it anyway! Happy 4th Anniversary to The Stupidest Moment In SWF History!

[bLACK SCREEN] "In its history, mankind has learned to fear." [The screen changes to shots of war and devastation; the Second World War; the Vietnam War; the Gulf War] "We have learned to fear pain. We have learned to fear suffering. We have learned to fear death. But most of all, we have learned to fear the beast within." [Fast-cut shots that show small details of a man: an extreme closeup of an eye; a snarling mouth; a shot from behind that shows the musculature of his back] "Now things are about to change." [shots of a man in a ring, illuminated somewhere in what appears to be a dark warehouse. The distance of the shots are either too great to make out details or too close to get a a full picture. What is clear, however, is the destruction being visited on an opponent or sparring partner.] "It is no longer our own beast we need to fear." [The quick-cut shots end with an extreme closeup of a tattoo; a triad of sixes on the back of a man's neck. Then he snaps around, but the camera is knocked to the floor before any more details can be seen. A pair of black boots walk into the picture; one draws back, then kicks into the screen which blacks out] GROUND ZERO 2006 FEAR THE BEAST

This is an easy one. Split the file using WinRar (add to archive, cut it however you want - like 350,000,000 or something) then burn both files to disk. Copy both files to the same directory in your other computer, Extract, and it'll come out as one movie. I do a lot of file sharing, particuraly using sendspace, which is an absolute bitch when it comes to upload limits. Worked like a charm. Thanks!

Agreed. Season 2 wasn't what I'd call bad television, but it's noticeably worse than Season 1, and part of that had to do with setting up characters then doing nothing with them. Charlie going crazy (and nearly getting exiled), and Sawyer conning Locke to get all the guns, were two moments that made me go "Holy shit, I can't wait to see where they go with this," and it turned out they never really went anywhere at all. Next we see Sawyer, he's hunting a tree frog, and Charlie's stopped being crazy and started helping Eko build a church. It was enjoyable TV, but not Emmy-worthy-TV.

Seriously, this is the second show in a row where I had a real head-bang-into-desk kind of close match going on here. What happened to you guys? Where are the rushjobs and "I turned this in to prevent a DNS" entries? Can't you see that marking quality matches is killing me?! But seriously forks, you can blame Zyon and Bruce for the show being late, as it was just as ridiculously close as last week's show holder upper. Tom vs. WC to be edited in right after I mark it. Starting now.

Desolace fucked me up. Multiple times. I'm not real keen on going back there anytime soon. So I'm just wrapping up anything I can get my hands on, mostly in Tarren Mill and Thousand Needles. And I list Uldamaan in the "too high for me" category because it's Red in the quest log. Even with a group, I'm not tackling Red. Yes, I am a wuss. My current plan is just to grind up to 35, then see about Razorfen Kraul.

Honestly, I have no idea what I should be doing, as a level 34 Rogue (Undead). All the quests I've got right now are way beneath me (Lost Pages in Ashenvale, Warsong Supplies) or way the hell above me (freaking Uldamaan). Can't find anything suitable to my level, so I really have no clue what a 34 Rogue would normally be doing. SFK was just the first that came to mind.

[bLACK SCREEN] "In its history humanity has always learned to fear. We have learned to fear pain. We have learned to fear suffering. We have learned to fear death. But most of all we have learned to fear the beast within." [There is a brief flurry of black-and-white images; scenes of destruction, looking like they come from World War II, the Vetnam War, the Gulf War, before the screen returns to black] "Now this has changed. It is no longer our own beast we have to fear." [There is an extreme closeup of what appears to be a tattoo of a triad of sixes on the back of someone's neck. Then the bearer seems to whip around and the camera is knocked over before any more details can be seen. As the camera lies on its side a pair of boots appear in shot before one raises in the air, then comes down and the screen blacks out] FEAR THE BEAST

“It’s finally time,” the voice of Mak Francis bellows as the camera fades back, panning the audience in attendance, “The critics have weighed in their opinions, the odds makers in Vegas have collected the bets, and the crowd, well, they’re as ready as ever – it’s our main event, it’s ‘Iron’ Mike Cross vs. ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ Jay Hawke, and I can’t wait!” “Oh, God,” King lets out a sigh, “I can’t make up my mind – Jay Hawke or Mike Cross!” “Well,” Mak inputs his opinion, “If I were a betting man I’d have to say the edge goes to ‘The Dean’ in this case, King, and edge is a lax way to put it, because the advantage is more of a balcony. He’s got a significant amount more experience and infinite wisdom on the sport of Professional Wrestling. He was the longest reigning International Champion – some say the best. ‘Iron’ Mike Cross has a great opportunity here tonight to prove the critics wrong, but I just don’t see the upset happening – the only feasible shot ‘Iron’ Mike’s got in this bout is if his opponent has a serious case of ring rust, and I don’t think all the ring rust in the world will save this young man.” “There’s a definite shot that Jay Hawke has hit a rocky part of his career,” King fires back, “He left after falling from the highest note possible, and now he’s looking to reclaim his throne atop the International Title picture – but don’t discredit Mike Cross, he himself is looking to claim yet another throne, and as he’s stated tonight, he’s ready to take all the punishment Jay Hawke can dish out in order to show these people he’s ready!” “That’s one thing to also look at,” Mak doesn’t seem done with analysis of tonight’s main event, “Mike Cross is known for his vitality, he’s got strength, he’s got speed, he’s got a presence in the ring and a mind to match it that have made him hot these last couple of weeks. We’ve seen it before, when he was first starting, he had that presence, it wasn’t well-developed, but it was there. He knows where he’s at every moment he’s in that ring, and he knows how to use that and his opponents position against them – last week Grendel’s multiple attempts to use springboard type moves landed him in the Devil’s Soul Snare, if ‘Iron’ Mike can so much as hit that move on his opponent, he can win this match. He can attribute this festering talent to Mr. Kobe, that son of a bitch, because since his return and guidance under the master general of the ring, he’s improved ten-fold.” “Mike Cross is a snake in the grass,” King smiles with a tone that makes him sound affectionate, “He’ll wait and wait on an opportunity, picking you apart, and then when you give it to him he’ll take it faster than you know what hit you. He’s great at that, and if he can apply that tactic against someone like Jay Hawke, you better believe he’s got a legitimate shot, it’s only a matter of making a master of the ring slip up that appears to be the problem.” “Yep,” Mak agrees quickly as the lights begins to dim and Funyon enters the ring, “Don’t discredit Mike Cross, he’s got all the tools to be a great wrestler, it’s just a matter of applying them in a calm and rational sense that have left him in a pickle the last couple of matches – look for Jay Hawke to exploit that, use it against this young man. As we talk about these tools he’s got, the danger he is, you’ve got to keep in mind that Jay Hawke is practically mistake-free inside that ring, he’s a general, he takes control. Don’t expect many mistakes, if any at all, and thus, don’t expect a win from this young man, ‘Iron’ Mike Cross.” Mak Francis finishes just as Funyon forces the microphone up and towards his lips. Despite the dim lighting provided by the SWF, the natural lighting begins to fade to almost complete black, the night winding down as the crowd is utterly hot for the main event and the return of ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ Jay Hawke. The crowd simmers, still clearly active in some small chants, cameras flashing, a murmur of sorts. That sound is forced out of everyone’s ears as the bellowing voice of Funyon kicks in and demands the stage. “Ladies and gentleman,” He turns, panning the audience for himself, “Humanoids and Beasts, this is your MAIN EVENT!” The crowd explodes with cheers in anticipation, “The following bout is scheduled for one fall and is for a spot in the International Title four-way!” “Here we go,” Mak interrupts Funyon for a moment. “Introducing first,” the sounds of cash registers opening in the beginning of ‘Money’ by Pink Floyd signal the entrance of the current Cruiserweight Champion, ‘Iron’ Mike Cross, “Hailing from Tokyo, Japan by way of Detroit, Michigan; weighing in at 228 pounds and standing at 6 feet even, he’s the current SWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION; HE IS ‘IRON’ MIKE CROSS!” “MONEY!” “IT’S A GAS!” “GRAB AT CASHES, BOTH HANDS AND MAKE A STACK!” The crowd lets out a boo, very cold for the champion who neglects their attitude and makes his way down to the ring decisively. The crowd jeers and shouts at him, but their attempts to get a rise out of Mike go unfinished, as his determination and integrity take over, pushing the urge to scream and shout back out of his system. “Well this is different,” Mak points out sounding slightly impressed, “Mike Cross is out without The Axis or Mr. Kobe, and he’s not getting into it with a crowd that seems very antagonistic. He appears determined, but will this attitude follow him into the ring and the match?” “If he wants to win it has to,” King follows up as ‘Iron’ Mike manages to finally make his way into the ring, “He needs to be perfect tonight if he wants a win, the biggest thus far in his run with the Smarks Wrestling Federation.” In the ring the lights focus on the champion whose presence appears to be none, his typical pre-match charades and quarrels with his opponents and the crowd seemingly non-existent. He throws his hooded sweatshirt aside and unsnaps his belt, placing it carefully in the hands of the ring-side time keeper as he goes back to his pre-match warm up regimen. Funyon stops to have some words with Jay Hawke’s opponent before turning his attention back to the entrance ramp and stage. The crowd brews with excitement, despite Jay Hawke being ultimately a villain; they’re still pleased non-the-less to see his return here tonight. “Introducing second,” the former entrance music finally winds down giving back the octaves to the voice of Funyon, “Making his way to the ring by way of the city of the Hall of Fame – Cleveland, Ohio; weighing in at 215 pounds and standing at five feet nine inches tall – HE IS THE LONGEST REIGNING INTERNATIONAL TITLE HOLDER, HE IS THE DEAN OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING; JAAAAAY HAWKE!” There’s a long pause while anticipation for the return builds among the audience, sweeping everyone into the adrenaline as the lights seemingly focus on the stage. The crowd’s getting hotter, louder before it all comes to a halt as the conjunctive sounds of ‘Learning to Fly’ by Pink Floyd take over and send the crowd into frenzy. Out onto the stage steps the former International Champion, ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ Jay Hawke, the crowd warm despite his alignment before leaving. “Well, certainly a surprising reaction by the crowd,” Mak reflects intuitively, “He was not someone you’d want to have cheered for prior to leaving, but love him or hate him, it’s certainly refreshing to see Jay Hawke, and that’s gotta be the way the crowd’s reacting.” “How can you hate him,” shouts King forcefully. Jay Hawke struts down to the ring looking slick in his purple and black robe, the spotlight emphasizing his gleam as he smirks at the cameras that follow him. The crowd’s excited, but no one is jumping out of their seats to welcome back ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ as he walks down the ramp and finally makes his way into ringside. He looks up at his opponent who refuses to acknowledge his presence. Jay Hawke frowns at the serious looking Mike Cross who continues to stretch out, awaiting the conclusion of his opponent’s entrance. Finally ‘The Dean’ makes it up to the ring apron where he slowly removes his robe, folding it and handing it to the ring attendant. He stalks over to the ring post, steps up on the turnbuckle, and then raises his arms into the air, this time being cheered rather than booed. “He looks impressive still,” remarks Mak, very impressed by the shape that Jay Hawke managed to keep up in his absence, “He appears to not have missed a single beat, but I guess we’ll have to wait for the verdict inside that very ring. It’ll be interesting to see how Jay Hawke fends off a very neck-oriented offense from his opponent, what with major moves such as Silent Rage Syndrome, The DSS, and the Iron Cross - all of which focus on driving and pulling the victim’s neck. If he can avoid those maneuvers I’d say he won’t have much trouble putting away his opponent.” In the ring, both men are now standing across from one another, the crowd hot as ever as the two look at each other, preparing to face off. Jay Hawke rolls his neck as the referee looks at both men, having a word with them before he signals to the time keeper to ring the bell. DING, DING, DING! “JAY!” “HAWKE!” “The crowd is really behind ‘The Dean’ in this one, King,” Mak reports almost challenging it, “It’s interesting, it’s also understandable that the fans would be reasonably excited about such a high profile return in a time where there is no crowned champion! You gotta believe he’s going to put in his all to go after the International belt.” The two face off and meet in the center of the ring, looking each other over before hooking up after a lengthy circling of the squared circle. The two test each other’s strength, starting it slowly as they back off and then hook up again. The crowd cheers the two men on as they continue to get a feel for one another before Jay Hawke shoots in looking to take down his opponent early. Mike side steps the attempt while holding onto his arm. Jay Hawke stands back up with a smile having been caught with his hand in the cookie jar as ‘Iron’ Mike uses his new found leverage to slide under the arm of his opponent and take his back, wrenching the arm up as ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ smiles just before managing to turn out of it, putting the two back in their position like dancing partners. “So just a feeling out period here by these two men – video footage and strategic planning can only go so far, physically you have to know your opponent, and that’s what these men seem intent on doing.” Again Jay Hawke attempts a short shot, this time letting go of his opponents hand and snatching a leg. He quickly reverts back to his feet pulling up his opposition’s leg with him. He sets it up onto his shoulder like he’s carrying a log and then forces Mike back against the ropes, controlling the match now. He turns slightly before throwing his opponent’s leg outward and over the rope, crotching him uniquely much to the crowd’s pleasure. “A very clever maneuver by ‘The Dean’,” Mak exclaims, “Highly impressive and much creativity on his end, he doesn’t appear rusty in the least bit in the opening parts of this match!” Just as ‘Iron’ Mike attempts to be rocking his way over and off of the ropes, his opponent jumps into the air and spins, driving a slow and massive roundhouse kick into his chest. He falls back and then awkwardly lands on his head, narrowly managing to evade a seriously dangerous fall down and onto the mats several feet bellow. The crowd applauds as Jay Hawke moves back and away from the ropes. “Great strategy early on,” Mak lets out, “This appears to be more of a goading attempt by ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ to push his opponent into making more high-risk efforts, if he wants to make mince-meat of this young man then that’d be the strategy to follow – make him take bigger risks and he’ll make more mistakes!” “He could waste valuable time attempting such a strategy,” reminds the Suicide King, “If this doesn’t work it’s going to where out Hawke’s ability to successfully stop his opponent from keeping up with him – you don’t want someone like ‘Iron’ Mike Cross to be given a lot of time to find an opening, especially with such an offense geared towards the weakness in Jay Hawke’s neck.” On the apron, ‘Iron’ Mike picks himself up and dusts himself off, blushing slightly as the crowd begins to close in on him, heckling coming from the front most rows. Feeling pressure, ‘Iron’ Mike springs to the top rope, looking to fly across the ring and hit his opponent with what he’d assume would be an unexpected high-risk maneuver, however, Jay Hawke has him well scouted, moving out of the way to the right, and then backing into the ropes in an attempt to knock his opponent from his perch atop the ropes. Mike Cross also has Hawke well scouted; performing a brilliant fake out knowing full well he’d expect a high risk attempt after his goads to push him into using such an offense. He hops from the ropes before tumbling, and then charges his opponent into the nearest corner. “Despite the control we thought Jay Hawke had, Mike Cross resists the urge to fly around the ring and do what he’s well known to do,” Mak reflects, “It looks like ‘The Dean’ is going to have to pursue other strategies or keep pushing his opponent until he breaks – remember, Mike Cross declared he wouldn’t mentally break before this match, he said tonight he will shock the world! And after that fake out, I’d say he’s well on his way, shifting the momentum back in his favor.” Mike pushes his opponent back with one arm, using his size and strength advantage to hold Hawke in the corner. He presses hard until Hawke’s attempt to free himself subsides, and then he rears back and drives a blunt elbow into his face, thrusting again and again until significant weakness shows. Mike withdraws his attempt to hold his opponent and then he lets him fall BUTT first into a sitting position, head leaning against the middle turnbuckle. “So now, Mike Cross has control of the match,” Mak describes, “It’ll be interesting to show which route he’ll go – will he continue to show good determination and resistance to not go to the air and work high risk, or will he throw caution to the wind?” Mike throws caution to the wind, springing up onto the second rope, then springing off that and hand standing onto the third. He holds there for a second as the showman inside of him takes over, the cameras flickering in the distance around the ring. Mike then drops down, feet looking to drive a nasty drop kick into the face of Jay Hawke, who rolls forward in time to escape a possible concussion, leaving Mike to smack his BUTT hard into the middle turnbuckle, folding backward awkwardly. “And so he couldn’t resist the attempts to show off what he’s so good at doing, giving the match momentum back to his opponent in the process.” “What a terrible move,” King adds, “The rookie in him is really showing – he makes a great move early on to win back position in the match and his attempt to maintain it is one that he blows, giving the momentum gleefully back to his opponent as if it was a gift.” “Well, I can say one thing,” Mak Francis’ voice hits a high note, “I know for a fact that it’s not Jay Hawke’s birthday!” The crowd is once again behind Jay Hawke who gets back to his feet, shaking off the rough and consistent elbows thrown by his opponent just moments earlier. Jay takes his time before setting his attention back on his foe that lies there holding his BUTT. Hawke pulls him back to his feet and then presses him into the corner returning the favor. ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ slaps his opponents upside the head once and then drives an elbow just behind it, almost forgetting the kick at the end. ‘Iron’ Mike walks past his opponent, stumbling out into the ring after the quick striking combo from Jay Hawke, turning around… THUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD! “BLOCKBUSTER,” shouts Mak aloud, “What a move!” “That’s how you work a high risk offense, Mak!” Hawke rolls to his feet and turns, falling on ‘Iron’ Mike, looking to steal a quick pin fall. The referee sees it late and quickly makes up for the time delay, sliding to the mat and into the first count, slapping his hand to the mat. ONE…! TWO…! NOOOOOO! Mike manages to get his shoulder up, no surprise to the crowd, as he quickly rolls from his opponent and takes a knee near one of the turnbuckles. He angrily gets back to his feet and charges Hawke anxiously, who drops down and pulls Mike with him, slamming his face hard into the mat with a drop toe hold. Wasting no time, Hawke turns on the caught ankle and grapevines it with his other leg, taking an arm and head locking his opponent into an STF submission. “Again Mike Cross shows his Achilles heel to an opponent who knows how to take advantage of such a downfall,” Mak exclaims, “You have to wonder when he’ll learn.” “He’s only been wrestling for a solid year and a half professionally,” King inputs following his broadcast partner, “There’s a near 9 year difference as Jay Hawke has been successfully working the circuits of professional wrestling since 1996, for those willing to take a history lesson.” “The difference is notable,” Mak says as Jay Hawke begins to wrench back on his opponent, stretching out the neck, back, and abdomen areas, “Rarely will we ever see Jay Hawke make a mistake as crucial as some of the one’s Mike Cross has given up here tonight.” “Unfortunately that seems to be part of his routine, though, if he could work these problems out he could be a dominate force in this company.” In the ring the referee continually asks ‘Iron’ Mike Cross if he wants to submit, each time getting shaken of by the victim caught deep in ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’s’ trap STF. He continues to pull as the pain finally escapes from the nerves and into the eyes, the grip strengthening as he continues to work over the back and neck of his opponent. Mike reaches for the ropes, inching forward, now just centimeters away from the bottom rope. His finger touches it and then his hand grabs it, the crowd sighing as the fan favorite’s foe narrowly escapes submission. The referee begins counting as Hawke takes his dear old time to break the hold. ONE…! TWO…! BREAK THE HOLD, HAWKE! THREE…! FOUR…! C’MON, BREAK THE HOLD! Just before the referee counts to five, Hawke stands and steps his other foot onto the lower thigh of his victim, leaning down and stripping his hands from the ropes. He hooks the legs around his and then takes hold of the arms. He pulls back slowly before rolling to his back, pulling his opponent up and into a Mexican Surfboard Stretch that renders his opponent’s limbs useless, wrenching now the back, arms, and neck, needless to mention the abdominals and pectorals. “It’s just clockwork now, folks.” “Yep,” King exclaims, “Jay Hawke can just sit back and work his opponent down to the bone. As much as Mike Cross can say he’ll take the pain, his mind can only go so long before he passes out.” Hawke moves his legs and arms, shaking his opponent’s strength out one drop at a time like he’s wringing a towel with his hands. Mike dries up and begins to grunt in pain as the ref stands over him, asking if he wants him to submit. Mike shakes limp, folding downward as the referee signals to Hawke to break the hold. He walks over to Mike who appears limp on the map, Hawke standing and backing from the sight. The referee lifts Mike’s hand, ready to drop it, only to find out he’s faked out ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ yet again. “Wow,” Mak exclaims, “What guts, playing possum and throwing off his opponent, I can sense the frustration building among the crowd and Jay Hawke!” Hawke charges ‘Iron’ Mike intently and mistake-free, catching him against the ropes and stopping him before he himself can catch his breath and get back into the match. “Hawke might have to start taking more risks if he wants to put ‘Iron’ Mike away,” King exclaims, “The youth, stamina, and vitality in this 21 year old is top-notch, I’m not sure he’s going to have much success breaking this kid down.” Hawke throws ‘Iron’ Mike across the ring and then runs towards him, maneuvering around him and taking his back. He continues running with his opponent and then charges him front first into the ropes, rolling backward and letting go. Hawke stands in time for his opponent to stumble right into the trap, catching his arms tightly around Mike’s waist and dropping him back onto his head with a magnificently placed and performed German Suplex. “What a move,” Mak shouts, “Great hip movement and strength allows ‘The Dean’ to get air under his opponent, sending him hard onto his neck and back!” Hawke swivels on his bum and turns to face his opponent, who appears already ready to get back to his feet. He crawls up behind him and then grabs hold of his waist and pops his hips yet again, sending him flying back and onto his head. THUUUUUUUUUUUD! The crowd cheers loudly as they feel the end nearing closer, Mike stumbling back to his face, only to be met with another thunderous German Suplex. THUUUUUUUUUUD! “LET’S GO HAWKE, LET’S GO HAWKE!” Mike attempts to stumble back to his feet but falls to the mat, giving his opponent the niche he needed to propel up and defeat his opponent, leaving him in his dust. He swivels on his hips again and catches his opponent’s arm, pulling back and into an armbar that sends his opponent into a flailing fit, his arm and shoulder be stretched out. “Mike Cross his has several shoulder injuries in his past, his right arm – his bad arm – is caught in an armbar and now it’s not looking nearly as bright for the Cruiserweight Champion as it was just minutes ago!” ‘Iron’ Mike manages to get his arm out of a serious predicament, rolling away and aiding a possible serious injury, his shoulder, back, neck, and now arms having been now worked over. Mike leaves himself prone to yet another submission, this time Hawke following him to the center of the ring and clinging to his arm yet again, rearing back after trapping his other, locking him into the Rings of Saturn. “And yet another submission,” Mak exclaims excitedly as the crowd flashes a camera, “Hawke is an animal out there, he’s capitalizing on mistakes, he’s got absolutely no ring rust, and he’s ferocious, working over every part of Mike’s upper body in an attempt to slow him down and keep him from allowing some kind of a finish here.” Mike flails and again averts submission after a lengthy moment of uncertainty while trapped in the Rings, some how managing to loosen Hawke’s grip on his arm letting way for one devastating elbow, knocking him almost completely off his game. Hawke rolls away, holding a somewhat swollen upper eye, the crowd in awe at the damage that appears to have been done by such a powerful elbow from ‘Iron’ Mike. Once Mike is back to his feet, Hawke looks him over, looking furious at his opponent. He runs towards the ropes. He springs to the third and then springs back off of it, turning in mid-air and holding out an arm for a springboard lariat. ‘Iron’ Mike shifts slightly to the right smoothly and throws his opponent down to the mat with a… SMAAAAAAAAAACK! Using Hawke’s arm, Mike dropped him down face first into the mat. He holds onto his prize and hooks his arm up and over his opponent’s neck, sitting before locking his other arm up and over the neck, locking in a tight full nelson as he sets back, stretching out a previously injured neck. “THERE IT IS” shouts Mak loudly in excitement, “That CRUCIAL mistake has been made, and Mike Cross has got his foot in the door! What does Jay Hawke have to do to put this kid away?!” “Amazing,” says King almost breathless, heart beating, “The Iron Cross is synched in, he’s locked it into place, there’s nowhere for ‘The Dean’ to go – this match COULD be over!” The referee falls in front of Jay Hawke on the mat, looking him in the eye as Cross dials back, ignoring the sharp pains throughout his body as he continues to torque the back and neck of his opponent with his patented finishing move. After several moments of being stretched, Hawke begins showing signs of giving up, the pain breaching the inner parts of his body and easing out of his pours like sweat as he grunts and yells in pain, the referee asking if he wants to give up. ‘Iron’ Mike rears back, in total control as he continues to work his opponent over. “Minutes of utter inactivity and lack of offense by the Cruiserweight Champion have been made up for in just moments,” screams Mak Francis, “The pain has been thrown out, it’s all adrenaline for ‘Iron’ Mike, he’s gotta keep this going with absolutely nothing left in the gas tank if he wants to secure his place in history!” ‘Iron’ Mike lets out a war cry, stretching still as his opponent brinks on the edge of sanity, the pain subsiding and turning into shock. He continues to stretch, but nothing gives, Hawke fighting for consciousness. Hawke struggles, flailing his arm as he Cross edges so far back that he tips, awkwardly and painfully bringing his opponent back with him, Hawke’s legs meeting the ropes as the referee stands suddenly, yelling to break the hold. ‘Iron’ Mike, with almost nothing left in the gas tank, unlocks his hands and gives his opponent the freedom, both men lying on the mat utterly drained of stamina. “LET’S GO HAWKE, LET’S GO HAWKE, LET’S GO HAWKE!” ONE…! The referee holds up a one as both men aren’t moving. TWO….! THREEEEEE….! FOOOOOUUUR…! FIVE….! SIX…..! Finally, the slightest bit of movement from both men, who reach for the ropes to take back leverage. SEVEEEEEEN….! EIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE! TEEEEEEEEEEEEEN-NO, BOTH MEN ARE SUDDENLY BACK TO THEIR FEET. “WHAT A BATTLE!” “This is what the International Title was about, Mak!” Both men turn to each other, exhausted, having expanded their energy in their attempts to one-up the other’s submission attempts. They chop once, making their way back to the center. Chop, chop, SMAAAAAAAACK, back and forth now, one chop is met with another, and then another. Mike rears back in an attempt to catch Hawke with one hard chop, but is ducked, Hawke swerving around his opponent and then hoping up, catching his right arm in a chicken wing and grapevine his legs around the other, dragging Cross to his back. He synchs in the crossface and that’s it, the crowd loses it as cameras go off, ‘Iron’ Mike nearly passing out from the pain of the hold. The referee holds his hand up once, and it drops. ONE…! He grabs the hand again, holding it up. “TWOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Yes,” shouts Mak, “This has got to be it!” The referee again picks up the hand, looking to the left and the right as the crowd jumps up and down in anticipation for the final verdict. THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENOOOOOOOOOOOOO! “OH MY GOD!” “HOW DID HE DO IT!” The crowd can’t believe it as they begin to rally behind their man. But that doesn’t work, as Mike snaps back into it like he’s lost it, total strength taking over as he rolls through the cross-like hold and gets to his feet, Hawke propped up on his shoulder. He turns towards the corner and slowly walks, turning and facing the center before running and lunging onto his side, driving Hawke’s head into the mat with a SICK thud. THUUUUUUUUUUUUDSNAAAAAAAAAAAAAP! “HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT!” The referee slides to make the cover as Cross just lays on top of Hawke. ONE……! TWO………! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENO! A bit wobbly, Hawke stands back up, both men back to their feet. Jay neglects to mind where he is, and stumbles right into ‘Iron’ Mike Cross who drags him back suddenly without caution or even thinking about it into a Dragon Sleeper. He locks it, slowly drags up his opponent with almost no stamina or arm strength left, and drills him into the mat with a sloppy and unprotected… “SILENT RAGE SYNDROME! COVER!” ONE…! TWOOOOOOOOO…! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! “Ladies and gentleman,” Funyon bellows as Mike Cross sits on his BUTT, tired beyond imagination, “HERE IS YOUR WINNER, ‘IRON’ MIKE CROOOOOOOOOSS!” Someone throws Mike his belt as he sits there near Jay Hawke, the camera panning in on him, “WHO CAN STOP THIS MAN ON HIS WAY TO GROUND ZERO, WHO CAN KEEP THIS MAN FROM THE INTERNATIONAL TITLE!” The company logo and copyrights roll as the footage fades out with Mike Cross hugging his Cruiserweight Title.

The fine folks at Milliways offered to transport the SWF back to a time BEFORE this accursed Fictional World Tour ever began, but then all the people who bought tickets for the remaining shows would be ripped off, and we can't have angry letters coming at us from all over the sea of time, now can we? Instead, we asked them to ship us back to Earth, present time, as our Science Fiction leg of the tour has just about run its course. It's time for some more normal, earth-based loca- *sees the card* God damn it! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF Lockdown! Live, Wednesday, July 19th, from the Gurubashi PvP Arena in Stranglethorn Vale, Azeroth! (6pm PST, 10pm EST; check local listings) (Send all promos/marked matches to chirs3) Fans of the good guys will be sitting on the left, which is where the good guys will enter from. Those cheering the heels will sit on the right, which is where the heels will enter from. The audience will be entirely made up of SWF Fans, though some of them may be cosplaying their WoW characters. God help us. Also, it's time to kick off the... INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT~! Eight names went into the hat, and these four matches came out! Note that the results were MOSTLY random - I say mostly because I didn't want to run Spike vs. Sly for the third time this month, so I made sure they stayed apart. The winners of these four matches will meet on Smarkdown, in an as-yet-undetermined type of match! -=-=-=-=- MAIN EVENT - INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT MATCH "The Dean of Professional Wrestling" Jay Hawke vs. Michael Cross -> OOOOOOOH YEAH, BITCHES! JAY HAWKE IS BACK! He may not have created the International Title (those honors go to a far more Dangerous fellow), but he has become synonymous with its name. Hawke's run with the IN title is legendary, and it looks like he's back for a second go! But how did he finagle his way into the tournament you ask? Blame that (and most everything else) on good ole' Joe Peters. He thought the team of Maddix and Stephens was DYN-O-MITE, and has used his Executive Privilege to pull Maddix from the tournament in order to team them up again! What a crazy coincidence, then, that Jay Hawke reappeared at the last show, demanding a spot in the tournament! Funny how things work out, huh? Rules: Standard singles. -=-=-=-=- TAG TEAM MATCH Two Skinny White Guys (Michael Stephens and Landon Maddix) vs. Kerry Staunton and Scott Rageheart -> I was this close to using "Turn Your Head and Thoth". Against everyone's predictions, Michael Stephens and Landon Maddix somehow managed to pull out a win over the Doomtopians on Storm! Joseph Peters was so impressed with the match (and the ratings) that he's actually yanked Maddix from the International Tournament, to open up more tagging opportunities! Tonight, Two Skinny White Guys take on the team that just fell short of capturing Tag Team gold on Storm, Kerry Staunton and Scott Rageheart! Rules: Standard tag team match. Use the tag ropes! -=-=-=-=- INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT MATCH Bruce Blank vs. Zyon -> Random Pairings are awesome, because you get some badass matches like this one! A fire's been lit under Bruce Blank's ass, and if he is to be believed, then his reign with the International Title will be more awe-inspiring than even Jay Hawke's! That is assuming he wins the title in the first place, though, and with stiff competition like Zyon in his way, Bruce had better keep his mind on the matters at hand! Rules: Standard singles. -=-=-=-=- CRUISERWEIGHT MATCH Wildchild vs. Tom Flesher -> A little over/under/whatever two months ago, these two clashed at the Taj Mahal, and Wildchild came out the victor! Well Flesher's got his sights set on the Cruiserweight Gold around Michael Cross's waist, but with Cross occupied in the tournament, we needed another Cruiser to keep Tom sharp, and we imagine he's got a score to settle with this particular cruiser. Two of the SWF's finest do battle once again! Rules: Standard singles, with Cruiser addenda. Surely you know them by now. -=-=-=-=- SINGLES MATCH Charlie "Grappler" Matthews vs. Grendel -> It's no secret that Grendel's got a score to settle with Tom Flesher, but after his demasking in the handicap match, he's also got a bit of ANGER~! left over for Grappler! Tonight they meet again, this time one-on-one! Rules: Standard singles match. -=-=-=-=- INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu vs. Austin Sly -> Austin Sly has showed a great deal of interest in the International Title recently, up to earning a shot for it against Aecas! That plan has sort of fallen through, but Sly's renewed determination has not! Many are pinning Sly as a good bet to take the gold, but first he'll have to get through the freshly returned Akira Kaibatsu! Rules: Standard singles. -=-=-=-=- SINGLES MATCH Trent Hawk vs. Insane Luchador -> Upset city, baby! Trent Hawk ends up pulling a Zyon (that is, being a rookie who rocks from the get-go) and BEATING Zyon in the same night! The same match, even! The Axis are off to a good start, and Hawk looks to make it a better start as he takes on the Insane Luchador! Rules: Standard singles. -=-=-=-=- INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT MATCH "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs. MANSONOSITY~! -> If memory serves, these two have history. KARMA pits them against each other in the qualifying round of the International Championship Tournament! Rules: Standard singles. -=-=-=-=- OPENING BOUT Jimmy the Doom vs. Ciro Vitale -> DO BIG BATTEL. (better description pending) Rules: Standard singles. -=-=-=-=-

"Well, in the midst of all this International turmoil it's now time for a tag team match," Mak Francis says as the live feed comes back to Lockdown. "The two teams had differing fortunes on Storm, with Kerry Staunton and Scott Rageheart losing to Tom Flesher and Charlie Matthews courtesy of interference by James Matheson, while Michael Stephens and Landon Maddix amazingly pulled together to best former tag champions the New Doomtopians." "Oh come on, anyone could beat those two goofs," Suicide King snorts. "Not true I'm afraid," Mak replies, "it took teamwork and a lot of effort even for two multi-time World Champions; the oddball style of Jimmy the Doom and the Doomstroyer is capable of throwing even experienced teams off their game, so Maddix and Stephens were quite lucky in my opinion." However, at this moment the commentators are cut off as 'Exciter' by Judas Priest starts up and the huge Smarktron on the Heel side of the arena begins flashing up 'RAGEHEART' and 'STAUNTON', interspersed with clips of the Canadians head-dropping and head-hitting and generally doing nasty things involving other people's heads. Moments later there is a brief pyro burst- *BOOM!* -and then Kerry Staunton and Scott Rageheart, still looking pissed about the manner of their defeat on Storm, come striding out from the back and begin to make their way down to the ring. "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a tag team match scheduled for one fall," Funyon booms. "Introducing first; from Alberta, Canada and weighing in at a combined weight of 515lbs, the team of Kerry Staunton and SCOTT... RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAGE-HEART!!" "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The EVIL~ WoWers give their favoured wrestlers a good reception, but the Good Guys on the other side are booing for all they're worth. Staunton and Rageheart don't seem to mind, although Staunton does pause to look curiously at a sign declaring 'FUCK YOU SPIKE JENKINS, WORLD OF WARCRAFT HATES YOU TOO'. "This is another well-oiled team," Mak says, speaking more in terms of tagging ability rather than personal lubrication, "but you've got to believe that they'll be trying extra hard to make amends for their defeat on Storm; will that give them extra impetus, or provide an opening that Maddix and Stephens can exploit?" "Stephens and Maddix had it easy against Jimmy the Dumb and his gorilla," Suicide King opines as Staunton and Rageheart climb into the ring, "they won't be able to get the better of the Canadian Murder Machine, especially after the disappointment of that perfectly legal and legitimate loss to Tom and Charlie on Storm." It’s at this point that a raucous, rolling chant booms out across the Gurubashi PvP Arena… “COME AND HAVE A GO IF YOU THINK YER ‘ARD ENOUGH!” “COME AND HAVE A GO IF YOU THINK YER ‘ARD ENOUGH!” …and then, as before, drops into ‘The Game’ by Disturbed. The cameras pan around the arena, and by the technological magic of split-screen reveal that while Landon Maddix and Megan Skye are entering on the same side as Staunton and Rageheart did, Michael and Amy Stephens are making their way out on the side of the Good Guys! ‘Tell me exactly, what am I supposed to do Now that I have allowed you, to beat me! Do you think that we could play another game Maybe I could win this ti-ime…’ "...and their opponents," Funyon booms over the unanimously positive reception (albeit each side of the arena cheering for a different person), "accompanied to the ring by Megan Skye and Amy Stephens; at a combined weight of 442lbs, LANDON 'LA CUCARRRRRRACHA' MADDIX and the SWF World Heavyweight Champion, MIIIIIIIIIIIIII-CHAEL... STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-PHENS!!" "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Maddix and Stephens reach the bottom of their respective entrance ramps at the same moment, whereupon Maddix waits for Megan to climb the ring steps and hold the ropes open for him while Mike simply rolls under the bottom rope with Amy in tow, swigging on her lager as usual. Once in the ring Maddix whirls into the middle... and nearly bumps into Stephens as he gets up off the mat. The two men stare at each other for a moment before Maddix breaks into a goofy grin and poses, waiting for Megan to take his coat. Stephens shakes his head and mounts a turnbuckle, throwing his arms wide into his palms-flat crucifix pose, then hops down and pulls off his customised England shirt which he throws out to the crowd. Two teenage girls wearing a lot of eyeliner and probably enough of a costume to make one elf outfit between them dive on it and start fighting, much to the approval of three 'wizards' sitting behind them. "Ah, cosplay soft porn," Suicide King sighs, "gotta love it." Meanwhile Stephens has handed his title belt to referee Brian 'Bloodaxe' Warner (dressed as an orc, God knows why) and he and Maddix have started a conversation about who's going to start the match while Amy and Megan leave the ring, studiously ignoring each other. Kerry Staunton is already standing ready on the other side of the ring, and seeing the wall of humanity waiting for them seems to help Landon's decision-making process; he slaps Stephens on the back encouragingly and steps through the ropes, leaving the World Champion to start the match again. *DING-DING-DING!* Instead of charging straight at his opponent as with the Doomstroyer, Stephens seems to be taking a more cautious approach; he advances slowly towards Staunton, arms raised. For his part Staunton seems to decide that this looks promising and imitates his opponent, hoping get close enough to grab the cruiserweight and then do smashy-type things to him. Unfortunately for Kerry (apart from the fact he has a girly name, which is fairly unfortunate in itself) Michael Stephens doesn't tend to let himself get grabbed much, and just as the Canadian is about to launch into a collar-and-elbow tie-up Stephens slips to one side and catches hold of Staunton's right arm. The slippery Englishman then twists an armwringer in, and when Staunton tries to extricate himself Stephens just jumps and jerks the limb in its socket, dissuading Kerry from any such attempts. "Congratulations Toxxic," Suicide King says, "you now have a tiger by the tail. What are you going to do with him?" Indeed, although lacking a fur coat, stripes and an impressive set of teeth Kerry Staunton could easily be mistaken for an apex predator. The big man lets out a growl of pain and starts heading for the ropes despite the 218lb attachment to an appendage; however, this proposed route of escape proves to be nothing of the sort as Michael Stephens runs past him and up the turnbuckles, then leaps off the top to come down and crush Staunton's arm beneath him with a flying legdrop! *WHAM!* That's clearly jarred something in Staunton's arm, but Stephens doesn't intend to let his larger opponent have a chance to recover as he instead gets back to his feet and uses the arm to haul Kerry after him. He tows the pained big man to where Landon Maddix is waiting and risks letting go with one hand for a second to tag La Cucaracha; however, instead of leaving the ring in the usual way Stephens runs up the turnbuckles again, then drops to the outside and hangs Staunton's captured arm out to dry on the top rope! Kerry shouts in pain and whips away, cradling his arm to his chest, but as Brian Warner demands that Landon enter the ring Michael Stephens jumps back up to the apron, then leaps to the top rope and springboards in to deliver a dropkick to Staunton as he turns around again! No sooner has the World Champion rolled away from his landing position then Landon Maddix has scrambled to the top rope and comes off with a Swandive Headbutt that perfectly targets his opponent's right shoulder! *BANG!* Stephens rolls out of the ring as Warner starts his five-count while Landon rubs his head for a second before deciding to follow up and locking on... ...a cravate. "BORRRRRRRRRR-ING!" "BORRRRRRRRRR-ING!" "Why?" Mak Francis asks in confusion, "Stephens started off targeting the arm and Landon's headbutt did the same; why now move to the head?" "Because Maddix sucks," Suicide King responds, "and it'd serve you well to remember that." The crowd seem to have a similar opinion to the Suicide King (a truly shocking event in itself) and are really getting on Maddix’s case for his constraining tactics. Even his tag team partner seems unsure of the logic of this move, although Mike realises it’s probably better than letting Staunton up to kill, crush and destroy. However, Kerry Staunton himself has every intention of doing just that, and with a growl the big Canadian starts to try and power upwards. Landon torques his hold tighter and stalls his opponent for a moment, but Staunton is having none of it and continues rising… so Landon tries another approach, and starts kicking him in the face! *SMACK!* *SMACK!* *SMACK!* *SMACK!* *SMACK!* *SMACK!* The lightning-fast kicks drive into Staunton’s face and Maddix releases him, then poses for the crowd… but behind him Staunton rears up, rage mixing with a certain amount of humiliation on his face! Stephens yells at his partner to turn around as Staunton backs into the ropes, then rebounds off to fire a spinning kick with catches Maddix right in the face and knocks him to the mat! “Looks like Staunton wants to one-up Maddix in the impersonation of a certain famous Japanese wrestler,” Mak Francis speculates. “Looks like Staunton wants to kick Maddix in the face,” Suicide King replies, “KICK YOUR FACE!” However, Kerry Staunton’s offence is not limited to such simple (if painful) fare - as Maddix struggles up off the mat the big Canadian scoops him up as if for a slam, then charges towards a neutral corner and rams Maddix’s back into the turnbuckles! *WHAM!* However, not being content with that he then turns around and runs clean across the ring to drive Maddix into the other neutral corner! *WHAM!* And just for a finishing touch he swings around and slams La Cucaracha in the middle of the ring, then hooks the leg for a cover! ONE! TWO!! …but Maddix kicks out! Staunton doesn’t seem very disconcerted by this, as it merely gives him a chance to do more damage. So he hauls Landon up to his feet and drives a knee into his gut just to make sure the Next Generation doesn’t get any ideas about doing something springy, then grabs Landon by the throat in preparation for a Choke Suplex. However, Landon Maddix delves deep into his vast knowledge of wrestling counters… “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” …and pokes Staunton in the eye. Then, delving into his vast reserves of stamina that come with being a legitimately tough bastard as well as a cheating bastard, he shakes off the effect of Staunton’s knee strike to jump up and nail the Canadian with a dropsault! The blinded Staunton is caught off-guard and he falls backwards to the mat; Landon climbs back to his feet with a grimace of pain and simply jumps onto Staunton with a double stomp, then instantly falls into a back senton. Maddix pauses for a moment and Brian Warner drops to count… ONE! TW- -but the cover certainly isn’t textbook, and Staunton is easily able to get a shoulder off the mat. Maddix decides that he doesn’t want to hang around and gets to his feet, but pauses to rake the heel of a boot over Staunton’s face (and eyes) before heading to his corner and tagging Michael Stephens in. Stephens hops over the ropes and seats himself on the top rope, presumably waiting for Staunton to get into position for something aerial, but Scott Rageheart calls out and Kerry moves towards the sound of his partner’s voice, out of range of whatever the World Champion has planned. “Sound tag team strategy there from the Canadians,” Francis says, “communication is all-important.” “Well, beating up the other team is generally considered useful as well,” the Gambling Man points out. While he’s in his corner Staunton seems to figure that he may as well tag in someone with working vision, and Rageheart quickly steps into the ring. The smaller Canadian is still built much more impressively than Stephens, but the World Champion is used to being outweighed and doesn’t display any intimidation, instead just stepping down from his seat on the turnbuckles and beckoning Rageheart towards him. The two men cautiously advance and seem to be going for a lock-up… but at the last moment Stephens ducks under his opponent’s arms, and instead of going for an armwringer he dodges behind Rageheart to grab a rear waistlock. “Yeah, cos that’s going to work,” Suicide King sniffs. However, whether or not Stephens had a German in mind doesn’t become clear, as Scott Rageheart instantly grabs at Stephens’ hands and starts to pry them apart, then performs a standing switch and wraps his own arms around the Englishman’s midsection from behind. He tries to lift but Mike blocks it by wrapping his leg around Rageheart’s, then just as Scott stops and gathers himself for another effort Stephens jumps off the floor, wrapping his legs backwards around his opponent and rolling forward to take the surprised Canadian over into a rolling clutch pin. ONE! TWO!! …but Rageheart kicks out! The two wrestlers scramble to get to their feet first, but Stephens reaches out and grabs his opponent on the way up, then rolls backwards into a small package! ONE! TWO!! …and Rageheart kicks out again! However, as he turns over onto his front to prevent another pinning predicament, Stephens dives over his shoulders and hooks him to roll him and put his shoulders to the mat with an Oklahoma Roll! ONE! TWO!! …but Rageheart kicks out AGAIN! As the unpinned but frustrated Canadian starts getting up he finds that Stephens his upright before him again, and this time the World Champion snares his opponent in a front facelock before bringing his right arm around and down to drive Rageheart’s face into the mat with the Unfinished Business! *BANG!* Stephens rolls his opponent over onto his back, then twirls his fingers to signal for the Hangover legdrop and steps through the ropes to start climbing the turnbuckles. However, Kerry Staunton runs along the apron and grabs the World Champion’s leg to stall him; Stephens kicks out and catches the big man in the face, knocking him away, but by this time Rageheart is starting to get up and is also heading for the precariously perched Englishman. He makes a grab for Stephens but the World Champion simply belts him across the face, then leans down and headbutts him; Rageheart staggers away a step, turning his back on Stephens, and the Englishman reaches down to snare a reverse facelock before leaping off the top and spinning down to the mat, driving the back of his opponent’s skull into the mat! “YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Final Shine!” Mak Francis calls, “Stephens taking an opportunity to break out one of the old Toxxic classics there!” However, Stephens doesn’t take the opportunity to go for the cover and instead heads for the ropes; presumably to bounce off for some flippy-floppy goodness. However, his peripheral vision has not registered Kerry Staunton, still lying on his back on the apron, and the bigger Canadian reaches up to pull the top rope down and low-bridge the World Champion, sending him tumbling to the outside! “YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “You know Mak, if only we had this sort of audience everywhere,” King says, looking around, “at least half of them cheer no matter what happens!” “We could do without the cosplay freaks though,” the Franchise opines, “they probably e-fed as well.” “Agreed. Weirdos.” As this (possibly ironic) discussion is taking place referee Brian Warner is remonstrating with Kerry Staunton for his part in Stephens’ unscheduled trip to the outside. The big Canadian seems anything but remorseful though, and in fact he even climbs down to the outside area and starts putting the boot to his English opponent as Warner yells at him to cease, desist and other ‘stop’-type words. Staunton only obliges after a few seconds, then pulls Stephens up (by his hair, let’s not do things by halves) and rolls him into the ring where Scott Rageheart is starting to recover. The smaller Canadian dives on top for a cover, figuring that even if it doesn’t get the win it’ll give him a couple more seconds to get his head running at full speed again… ONE! TWO!! …and Stephens kicks out! Rageheart shakes his head, possibly in disbelief but probably at this stage of the match more likely to try and clear it a little more, then grabs his opponent (also by the hair, damn Canadians) and starts to drag the smaller man to his feet. From there he switches to the side and wraps his right arm across Stephens shoulders while his right leg twines around the Englishman’s left, then he snaps backwards with a Russian legsweep. With Stephens on his back on the mat Rageheart rolls back to his feet and, instead of continuing his offence, tags out to Staunton. “Great tag-teaming,” King applauds, “maintaining their advantage by keeping a fresh man in the ring.” “Just a shame that advantage comes from cheap shots on the outside,” Mak Francis snipes. “Your problem Mak, is that you get bogged down in the detail and fail to appreciate the bigger picture,” King replies aloofly. “You mean ‘win at all costs’?” “Exactly.” Staunton comes into the ring and brings Stephens up to a sitting position (using the hair? You betcha!) then starts firing kicks into his opponent’s back. *CRACK!* “OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” *CRACK!* “OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” *CRACK!* “OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Stephens’ face contorts in pain but Staunton proves to be anything but sympathetic, instead kneeing him in said face and driving him back down to the mat! Once the World Champion is supine once more the big Canadian runs to one set of ropes, then to the other, and finally jumps into the air to come crashing down with the running double stomp known as The Lance! *CRUNCH!* Staunton pauses to look pointedly over at Landon as if to say that payback will be a bitch, then flips La Cucaracha the bird… and winces as his arm twinges unexpectedly. Landon smirks briefly, but Staunton ignores him and turns to tag Rageheart back in before stepping back and ending up (purely accidentally, of course) on Stephens’ throat. Brian Warner doesn’t like that, of course… ‘ONE!’ ‘TWO!’ ‘THREE!’ ‘FO-’ *BANG!* -and Staunton steps out of the way just as Scott Rageheart, who had been climbing to the top rope, comes off with a moonsault! Warner yells at Staunton to leave the ring, then dives to make a count… ONE! TWO!! TH- -and the pin is broken by Landon Maddix with a basement dropkick to Rageheart’s head! “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Who cheered that one,” King wonders, looking around, “the good guys or the bad guys?” “Whichever it was, we’re seeing further proof that Maddix and Stephens can co-exist as a tag team,” Mak Francis replies. “Neither wants to lose this match, and if that means Maddix saving Stephens from a pin, then that’s what he’ll do.” “Granted, but so far Landon’s the only one I’ve seen with anything approaching team spirit,” Suicide King replies, “I reckon Toxxic will leave him hanging out to dry… which will be amusing. And of course,” he adds, “if this team keeps losing then interest in them will probably wane and Peters will have no reason to put them together anymore, so that might actually encourage Toxxic to lose!” “You’re suggesting that Michael Stephens voluntarily loses?” Mak Francis asks incredulously. “…OK, not gonna happen,” King agrees after a moment’s thought. Meanwhile, in the ring Scott Rageheart is getting back up, holding his head after Landon’s intervention and glaring at the Spanish-American who is now stepping back out to the apron. With a little bit of aggression to take out he drags Stephens up to his feet and lays in a knife-edge chop on the hapless World Champion. *SMACK!* “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Stephens sucks in air in the aftermath of the stinging strike, but something seems to fire up inside him and he lunges forwards to deliver a European Uppercut to his startled opponent! *WHAM!* “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” However, he knows that his strength doesn’t lay in exchanging strikes, so instead of waiting for Rageheart to hit back he keeps piling in and delivers three elbow smashes to the side of the head, then rears back for a headbutt… but only gets fingers, as the wily Rageheart snatches an eyerake to break the World Champion’s momentum! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Stephens swipes at his eyes, but moments later he’s snatched up into the air and then driven back down with a spinebuster! *BANG!* Rageheart goes for the pin again… ONE! TWO!! TH- -but Stephens kicks out! The Canadian casts an annoyed glance at referee Brian Warner, but hauls Stephens up to his feet and grabs a front facelock, then throws Stephens’ arm over his shoulders and lifts. Stephens comes up, is brought vertical… …and stays there, while the Heel Section count along! “ONE!” “TWO!” “THREE!” “FOUR!” “FIVE!” “SIX!” “SEVEN!” …and Rageheart topples backwards, completing the stalling suplex and driving Stephens down onto the canvas again. Scott gets up to his feet and walks to his corner where he tags Kerry Staunton in. The bigger man steps into the ring and brings Stephens up to his feet, then turns to address the crowd. ‘BRAINBUSTAAAAAHHHHHHH!’ Half of them cheer, half of them boo; Kerry Staunton doesn’t care, and hooks Stephens up before hoisting the World Champion into the air one more time. The Heel Section starts counting again, and the tight grin on Staunton’s face implies that he’s trying to beat his partner… “ONE!” “TWO!” “THREE!” “FOUR!” “FIVE!” “SIX!” “SEVEN!” “EIGHT!” “NI-” -and Landon Maddix has seen enough, running into the ring again and delivering a superkick to the back of Staunton’s head! Kerry Staunton topples forwards; an unfortunate side effect is that Michael Stephens receives what is essentially a front suplex, but it’s probably better than being dropped on your head. Probably. Regardless, Brian Warner once more ushers Landon Maddix from the ring, but La Cucaracha refuses to go quietly and instead starts banging on the turnbuckle, trying of all things to start a chant for his tag team partner! “LET’S GO STEPHENS!” “LET’S GO STEPHENS!” However, Michael Stephens himself is in no real position to take advantage of the crowd’s faith in him, being that he’s struggling to even get to his feet. He landed and slid very close to the Canadian corner off the aborted stalling brainbuster, and as the referee checks on Kerry Staunton Scott Rageheart sees his chance; he drops down to the floor, grabs one of Stephens’ feet in each hand and hauls as hard as he can, pulling the World Champion groin-first into the ringpost! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “That’s not necessary!” Mak Francis roars, “my money would be on Staunton getting up first anyway, the Canadians would still have the advantage!” “No harm with a little insurance,” King smirks as Michael Stephens curls up into a foetal position on the canvas. Brian Warner suspects foul play, but he has absolutely no proof, and the referee reluctantly allows the match to continue as Kerry Staunton pushes himself up to his feet, rubbing the back of his head but still ready to continue. The big Canadian grabs Stephens (do I need to tell you by what?) and hauls him to his feet, then drags him to the middle of the ring and delivers a knee strike to the gut. Stephens doubles over, wheezing, and Staunton just watches him for a second. The moment the Englishman starts to straighten up again Kerry adjusts his elbow pad… “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Axe Bomber coming up!” Mak predicts. …and the Canadian turns and runs for the ropes, rebounding with his arm angled outwards for what will surely be the knockout blow. However, the Canadians always were shite at soccer. Which may explain why he’s so surprised to find his feet taken out from under him as Stephens dives into a last-minute tackle! *CRACK!* “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Kerry Staunton topples down to the mat, clutching at his shins, and Michael Stephens gets back to his feet. He’s on the wrong side of the ring so he turns around… then turns back, springs off the second rope adjacent to the Canadian’s corner and uses the momentum to dropkick a surprised Scott Rageheart in the head! “TOXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” “TOXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” With one Canadian now in a sitting position on the apron holding his head Stephens evidently thinks the time is right to try and make a tag, but as he attempts to dart past Kerry Staunton to get to Landon Maddix the big Canadian twists with deceptive speed and grabs him, surging up to his feet to lift Stephens completely off the ground and into what is effectively a bearhug, although the purpose is much more a desperate attempt to prevent the World Champion tagging his fresh partner in than to deliberately work the ribs. Staunton shouts for help and Rageheart shakes the effects of the dropkick off, stepping into the ring and brushing Warner aside before grabbing Stephens from behind. Staunton helps him transfer the weight, and then the smaller Canadian drops backwards with a back suplex to ruin any hopes Stephens had of escape! *BANG!* “It’s good teamwork,” Mak Francis sighs, “they’re not always fair, but they are a good team.” “And you tell me what’s fair about the fact I have to watch Landon Maddix week after week?” Suicide King complains. Meanwhile Staunton has dropped to make a cover, but Brian Warner is concentrating on getting Scott Rageheart out of the ring. Even when the smaller Canadian is halfway through the ropes Warner is still berating him not only for interfering but also laying hands on him; Rageheart starts arguing back, and with the realisation that he’s not going to get a pin counted anytime soon Kerry Staunton gets back to his feet, holding Stephens by the throat. He looks to be setting up for the Nodowa Otoshi… but he should have learned by now about turning his back on Landon Maddix, because with Brian Warner’s attention diverted La Cucaracha races into the ring and charges up behind Staunton, then simply kicks a field goal between the big man’s legs- *CHING!* “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” -before turning around and scurrying back out again! “OK Mak, you tell me that’s fair!” Suicide King demands angrily. “It’s not,” the Franchise shrugs, “but payback’s a bitch.” “TOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” “TOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” The chants are starting to ring out across the Gurubashi PvP Arena; the man himself is on one knee, trying to recover from the battering he’s been taking. Meanwhile Kerry Staunton has collapsed to both knees, both hands clutching his crotch in a futile attempt to ease the pain brought on by Landon Maddix’s attempt at population control. Seeing his opponent only a couple of feet away seems to fire Stephens into action and he lets rip with a European uppercut that rocks Staunton back onto his haunches! *WHAM!* However Staunton, even when in the grip of genital pain, is still a tough customer and he fires back with a forearm to the jaw! *THUMP!* The blow nearly floors Stephens, but it doesn’t have as much behind it as usual and the World Champion pushes himself back up to his position on one knee, then immediately hammers a right hand into Stanton’s temple and before the big man can react to that he reaches out, grabs Staunton’s head in both hands and delivers a headbutt! *CRUNCH!* Staunton lets out a yell of pain, and with no other options presenting themselves Stephens tries again! *CRUNCH!* And again! *CRUNCH!* *CRUNCH!* *CRUNCH!* “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “TOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” “TOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” “He’s breaking him down!” Mak Francis yells, “just like he did with Bruce Blank!” Sure enough, the non-stop barrage of headbutts seems to be having a worse effect on Staunton than Stephens, and with one final shot the big Canadian topples backwards! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Stephens stands, wobbles… and takes a step towards his corner! “TOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” “TOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” Scott Rageheart steps into the ring behind him, intent on cutting him off, but Landon Maddix shouts a warning and Stephens fires a superkick backwards to catch Rageheart right on the jaw! *SMACK!* The crowd are going wild as Rageheart slumps down into a seated position in his own corner, and Stephens turns around to set his sights back on Maddix, who’s now jumping up and down in eagerness to get the tag. However, to get there Stephens has to walk past and over Kerry Staunton, and just as it seems that the World Champion will be able to do it the big Canadian reaches up and grabs his ankle, then starts to get to his feet! “He’s got him!” Mak Francis says in frustration, “what does Michael Stephens need to do to make a tag?” Staunton is dazed, but he still knows tag wrestling like the back of his hand and he keeps a firm hold on Stephens ankle as he reaches a vertical base again. Stephens himself has gone from heading towards his tag team partner to now facing his opponent and hopping on one foot, trying to keep his balance… and then he answers Mak Francis’ rhetorical question. What does he need to do to make a tag? *CRACK!* An enzuigiri should do it. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The boot connects with the back and side of Kerry Staunton’s head, Staunton releases his grip and the crowd cheer… but as Michael Stephens looks up from the mat he sees that the big Canadian is still standing, however wobbly he may be! And Michael Stephens is never one to leave a job half-done. *whump* *KER-RACK!* “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “KIP-UP ENZUIGIRI!” Francis roars as Stephens drags some last resources up from within him and springs up to his feet, then leaps into the air to deliver another kick that does put Staunton down! For a moment the World Champion collects himself, then he scrambles up from the mat, lunges for his corner and tags in Landon Maddix! *smak* “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” …and Landon ‘La Cucaracha’ Maddix, two-time World Champion, egomaniac and long-time object of the fans’ hatred, gets one of the biggest reactions the Gurubashi PvP Arena has ever heard. “Listen to this!” Mak Francis exclaims in amazement, “just listen to this!” Landon’s grinning, but the Next Generation doesn’t pause to bask in the crowd’s adulation; instead he delivers a running double stomp to the back of Kerry Staunton, then rather than dropping into his usual back senton he continues running and leaps into the air to come down with massive air into a dropkick that crushes Scott Rageheart’s face against the bottom turnbuckle with the Get Licked! “LET’S GO LAN-DON!” “LET’S GO LAN-DON!” Maddix gets back to his feet amidst massive chants and heads back for Staunton and goes to grab him for the Land of Nod… but the big man reaches back to get a handful of hair and drags Landon over him with a rather illegal snapmare! Staunton shows his toughness by staggering to his feet, then rips his elbow pad off and hits the ropes, rebounding for an Axe Bomber… but Landon takes him down with a drop toehold! *BANG!* Staunton almost bounces off the mat, then braces both hands against the mat and starts to push up. He manages to get to one knee… …and Landon Maddix rushes past him, then rebounds off the ropes and heads straight back for him. Kerry Staunton doesn’t stand a chance of getting out of the way. *KERRR-RRACK!* “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “SHINING WIZAAAAAARRRRRRRD!” Francis roars, “it’s over!” Landon, scrambling into a cover, certainly hopes so. ONE! Scott Rageheart staggers up to his feet, intent on breaking the pin. TWO!! Michael Stephens runs the other way, driving his shoulder into the Canadian’s gut with a desperation spear. It’s not that effective. THHHHHHRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! But it was good enough. *DING-DING-DING!* “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners,” Funyon booms, “the team of Michael Stephens and LANDON ‘LA CUCARRRRRRRRRRR-ACHA’ MAAAAAAAD-DIIIIIXXXXXXXX!!” “…no,” Suicide King says in disbelief as ‘The Game’ rings out across the Gurubashi, “no, that can’t be right! It can’t be!” “I can hardly believe it either,” Mak Francis admits, “but it’s true! Landon Maddix and Michael Stephens are 2 and 0 as a tag team, and they’ve beaten the Canadians!” Brian Warner raises Landon Maddix’s right arm; La Cucaracha is grinning so widely you’d think he might be World Champion again, and he pumps the air enthusiastically with his left arm. Meanwhile Michael Stephens has disentangled himself from Scott Rageheart and leaves the Canadian crushed with disappointment in the corner. The Sensation looks from Landon down at the semi-conscious Kerry Staunton, raises his own right arm in victory… and a faint smile passes over his lips. Two Skinny White Guys, my arse. FADE OUT