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SWF SMARKDOWN May 22nd INTERNATIONAL TITLE BOUT JJ Johnson© Vs. Aecas SWF Smarkdown comes back from commercial with a blast, the cameras going right into a wide shot of the temporary ring area in the heart of the Phimai historical park. A swarming mass of SWF fans create a sea of faces at the ringside area and packing the temporary bleachers that have been erected to cram as much humanity into the area as possible. The camera cuts to a sweeping view taking in the happy faces of the crowd and a few waving home made signs bobbing about in the sea of humanity, most of them in Taiwanese and could be anything from offensive rhetoric to homemade soup ingredients. It’s anyone’s guess. The cameras finally cut back to the announcer’s table revealing The Franchise himself ready to continue calling the action and his cynical partner the Suicide King flicking through a small book. “Hello everyone and welcome back to SWF SMARKDOWN! It’s been a great show so far and it’s far from over yet! Coming up next for you we’ve got an International Title match and then we-….King? What you doing?” Mak queries, temporarily off his flow as he finally notices the Suicide King’s book. “Looking through the SWF rulebook if you must know.” King replies acidly as he turns another page before smiling triumphantly. “Why?” “Because I’m going to prove once and for all that Aecas cheated to win his first two matches back in the fed.” King states confidently before thrusting the book under Mak’s nose. “See! It says right there, crotching an opponent on the top rope and Rear naked Chokes are illegal!” “…..But it’s in your handwriting!” Mak fires back before squinting at the page. “And in biro I might add.” The Franchise says, unimpressed. “It’s the official rulebook Mak. It doesn’t lie.” King says with a sneer as he drops the book onto the announcers table only to be presented with a second book. “What this?” “Well I just happened to have the latest official copy of the rules King. Maybe you’d like to have a look at it.” “Sure.” The Suicide King snorts, snatching away the book and following the index. “Let’s see…illegal moves. Number one, Jokers Wil-………WHAT?!” Mak discreetly pulls the Suicide King’s mic plug with a smirk, letting his irate partner rant angrily as he rips up the book. Mak’s discreet action is not a moment too soon as Amon Amarth’s “Death in Fire” suddenly booms through the speakers surrounding the ring area, gouts of white smoke pouring out of the temporary entranceway as the fans come to their feet, their cheers rising into the clear open skies as the next match “Ladies and gentlemen! The following contest is scheduled for one fall! And is for the SWF INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!” Funyon roars out over the cheers of the crowd as Aecas bursts out of the entranceway, forgoing his traditional entrance tonight and striding though the smoke, raising his scythe high into the air. The blade snaps out of the haft to another loud pop from the fans as the Black Angel makes his way swiftly down to the ringside area. “Introducing first, the challenger. Weighing in at 315lbs, and hailing from Shrewsbury, England! He is the Black Angel, AYEEEEEECAAAAAAAAAAAAS!” “And Aecas is wasting no time tonight! Its not every day you’re granted a title shot on your first few shows back!” “Like he deserves one.” King says grumpily, having realised his mic was unplugged.” ”A good champion is always looking for a new challenge King. You should know that….then again maybe you don’t.” Mak says smugly as the Suicide King glares at him. Aecas meanwhile makes his way up the steps and into the ring, taking his scythe in both hands and thrusting it up into the air to another massive cheer of the fans, grinning with anticipation before the a flick of a finger the scythe blade snaps back into the staff and he tosses it almost carelessly to the timekeeper, almost flattening the man before he staggers back to his position. “Aecas certainly looks anxious to get things underway.” Mak says as the Black Angel starts to pace back and forth restlessly. “And who can blame him? Opportunities like this don’t fall in your lap every day at such short notice.” “He doesn’t deserve it Mak. You know it and I know it.” Kings sullen reply is swiftly drowned out by the crowd once more as a quiet voice makes itself heard through the speakers. I do that rather well...don't you think? Cryptopsy's “Crown of Horns” roars from the arena speakers to the delight of the crowd as more smoke billows out of the temporary entranceway and it isn’t long before they truly have something to cheer about as JJ Johnson strides out from the backstage area, Tag and International belts clasped firmly in his right hand as he walks with a purpose. Johnson ignores the fans on either side of the ramp, some cheering him and those less well informed booing him. He doesn’t care; his attention is on the ring and his next challenger for the International title he fought so hard gain. JJ advances up the steps as Funyon raises his mic to his lips once more, walking along the ring apron and mounting the corner, spreading his arms wide to another mixed reaction as Funyon speaks his piece. “And his opponent. One half of the SWF Tag Team Champions and the current International Champion! Weighing in at 233lbs, he is! JAY! JAY JOOOOOOHNSOOOOON!” “Not as big a reaction for JJ as I would have expected King.” Mak says as there is another respectable pop for the champion. “You’re surprised? Seriously what did Aecas ever do to get that over apart from carrying a plant about?” King replies as JJ dismounts the turnbuckle, and hands over his belts to referee Eddy Long, who thrusts the International Title into the air, turning in a slow circle before handing both belts to the departing Funyon. “Well he did lawn dart the Memphis Eel.” “…Point.” Back in the ring JJ turns to face his large opponent, having watched him all the way down to the ring as Aecas stops his pacing and faces Johnson squarely, his fingers twitching as he impatiently waits to get started. Eddy Long steps into the center checking the position of both men. Satisfied that nothing will start until he says so Long turns towards the Time Keeper and signals him to start the match. DING! DING! DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The two men lunge at one another as the bell tolls, slamming together straight into a collar and elbow tie up, both men strain against one another but Aecas’ greater strength quickly begins to tell in the uneven contest. The giant breaks the tie up quickly wrapping one huge arm around the head of Johnson and drawing him in close with a Side Headlock. JJ reacts quickly, smashing a series of hard punches into Aecas’ gut before pushing his opponent back into the ropes and using all his strength shoots him off across the ring. Aecas hits the ropes hard, and puts the extra momentum into his favour as he charges back full tilt across the ring. JJ ducks under a huge early Decapitator attempt by Aecas, whipping around to face the big man as he rebounds from the ropes a second time. The Black Angel comes off of the ropes and gets knocked straight down as Johnson counters with a lightning fast Spinning Back Kick. Aecas is quick to get back to his feet, but JJ is faster and light years ahead of him, pouncing on his opponent from behind and latching his arms around the giants middle in a solid waistlock. Aecas is quick to counter this latest threat however, snapping a pair of elbow’s back into JJ’s face to loosen the hold before switching into a waistlock of his own. Aecas quickly switches from a waist lock into a Full Nelson, but Johnson is simply two quick, simply letting gravity take a hold of him to slip out of the Black Angel’s grasp, dropping down onto his ass and then rolling backwards through the giants legs and back up to his feet, locking eyes with Aecas as the big man quickly turns around. There’s a brief stare down between the two men, before the Black Angel starts to pace the ring again as the fans begin to warm up to the match. “A short burst of action that didn’t produce any decisive results for either man.” “They’re just feeling each other out Mak, but JJ would be wise not to try and go toe to toe with Aecas, he may be tough but Aecas is just too strong for him. Then again we’ve seen what he can do with both strikes and submissions, all Aecas has to do is make one mistake and it’ll be over.” Aecas stops pacing after a moment and the two men square off for a second time, this time however JJ ducks under Aecas’ questing arms and slips behind his giant opponent once again latching on a waistlock. Aecas once again jams an elbow backwards into the head of the champion, a second hard elbow follows loosening the grip just enough for the Black Angel to spin around and try for another Lariat, but JJ ducks yet again. Both men spin around to face the other, Johnson lashing out with a booted foot, kicking Aecas squarely in the gut. The kick has the desired effect as it doubles Aecas over leaving him wide open for Johnson, the champion doesn’t waste the opportunity, stepping in close and wrapping his right arm around the head of his massive opponent. A split second before JJ can properly apply the Front Facelock two massive hands latch onto his legs and Aecas straightens up quickly, easily lifting the struggling champion into the air and onto his right shoulder. JJ struggles for a brief moment before Aecas yanks down hard on his legs, catapulting the smaller man backwards and slamming him backfirst into the canvas with a huge Spinebuster! The fans cheer as Aecas blocks the Facelock attempt but the cheers quickly die away as the Johnny rolls to one side and quickly stands back up glaring at Aecas as one hand presses against his back lightly, testing it as he locks eyes with his opponent once more. “Big Spinebuster by Aecas, a nice counter to the Facelock but JJ Johnson isn’t even fazed!” “He’s got a lot to prove in this match Mak, he fought tooth and nail to get that title, and he’s going to have keep fighting hard to keep it. Aecas had better not take him lightly or he’ll find himself in a world of hurt.” Aecas eyes his opponent for a moment as JJ pops up from the Spinebuster, the giant gives a slight shrug and simply smashes his huge right forearm into the face of his opponent, sending the champion reeling back a pace. The Black Angel slams another forearm into the head of the champion following it up with a swift Kesa-Giri chop to the neck that rocks his opponent back once again, slowly driving JJ towards the corner. Finally the champion gathers his wits, ducking under another chop he slips behind the Black Angel yet again slamming a hard elbow into the giant’s kidneys. Aecas arches his back as another sharp blow hammers into the kidney area, driving the giant into the turnbuckles. Aecas twists in the corner trying for yet another reverse elbow but the champion ducks out of the way letting Aecas turn himself around in the corner before smashing a solid kick into the belly of the champion. “This has turned into more of a brawl than a wrestling match so far King!” “JJ has to keep Aecas on his toes. He needs to keep working him over any way he can but he has to keep the pressure on!” Aecas doubles up in the corner as JJ hops back a pace, waiting for his huge opponent to raise his head before he leaps forwards and sends his right foot crashing into the chin of the Black Angel with a devastating Superkick. “What a kick! I think I just saw a tooth fly out!” Mak cries out as Aecas staggers out of the corner, one hand clutching his face leaving JJ to pick his spots, the champion quickly steps in close to the Black Angel and delivering a sharp Martial Art’s kick against Aecas’ left knee, making the big man stumble. JJ presses the advantage, kicking at Aecas’ knee and his thigh forcing the big man to try and cover up as J3 picks at his left leg. After a hard kick to the kneecap that has Aecas clutching at his knee the champ hits the ropes and tries to Lariat the big man himself, his arm impacts against Aecas with a hard crack, rocking the giant back a pace but otherwise doing nothing. Aecas looks at J3 for a moment before the champ runs off the ropes and tries an even harder Lariat meeting with the same result, though its impact does draw a noticeable wince, Aecas straightens up slowly as JJ runs to the ropes yet again. The Black Angel tries for a Big Boot but the champion is too quick and simply rolls underneath it, leaping back to his feet and bouncing off the ropes on the other side before dropkicking Aecas in the knee as he turns around. The giant’s knee finally gives way underneath him dropping him down to one leg; JJ takes advantage of this with another quick dropkick right into Aecas’ face! The fans letting out a loud cheer Johnson as he finally manages to get his opponent down. “Looks like JJ is taking your advice King! Using his speed to his advantage and by god is he ever hitting hard! Going toe to toe with Aecas isn’t usually a good idea, but he’s never been against anyone like JJ before!” “He can keep hitting him hard like that but he’s got to pull out some big moves or shark in on that leg if he wants to put Aecas away.” Almost as if he can hear the Suicide King’s words Johnson uncharacteristically rushes towards the ropes. Grabbing the top rope he jumps onto the second and springs off of the middle of the rope spinning around in mid air to land a hard leg drop right on Aecas’ neck! JJ quickly crawls over Aecas and grabs one of the huge legs lifting it as he tries to pin the giant. ONE!!!!!! … … … TWO!!!!! … … KICKOUT! Aecas roughly throws JJ off of him before Eddy Long can count to three; he starts to get up, looking for his opponent, unaware that the champion has quickly scaled the turnbuckle behind him. Waiting for Aecas to turn around J3 launches himself from the top planting both his boots in Aecas’ face with a sniper perfect Missile Dropkick sending the big man reeling again but not putting him down. Johnson is quickly back to his feet again, rushing at Aecas and doubling him over again with a vicious buzzsaw like kick to the gut. The champion takes a step back before simply slamming his foot into Aecas’ face jerking the big man back upright before a second Superkick sends Aecas staggering back to collapse into a corner. “Well Aecas is going to be an orthodontists dream after this match.” King says with a gleeful smirk. “Looks like it, and how about JJ getting aerial? We don’t see that out of him often but he’s pulling out all the stops.” With his opponent temporarily stunned J3 quickly moves up and scales the turnbuckle Aecas slumped against, climbing up behind the Black Angel as the fans make their opinions known, some cheering Johnson and others booing him harshly as he dominates his giant opponent. Before Aecas can react, the champion wraps an arm around his head and jumps forwards off of the corner, using the extra height to plant Aecas’ face squarely into the canvas with a huge Bulldog! JJ is on top of Aecas before the big man can get up, he grabs the giant’s left foot jerking the leg up with all his strength and smashing the knee into the canvas causing further damage to the appendage. Not content with just a single impact, JJ lifts the leg up again, this time planting his foot on the back of Aecas’ knee and driving it hard into the canvas. The Black Angel grimaces, and then lets out a sharp cry as Johnson simply slams his knee down hard on the joint to further the damage. Johnson grips Aecas by the ankle a third time but the challenger manages to raise his other leg and kick JJ hard in the stomach. The champion looses his grip and Aecas stubbornly starts to get back up to his knees, trying to keep Johnson’s deadly hands away from his damaged leg only to be met with a barrage of thunderous elbows from JJ. Now that Aecas is more his size it gives the champion ample opportunity to get off some more hard strikes, and he doesn’t disappoint. The fans start to rally behind the champion as he hits Aecas with a flurry of elbows, kicks and chops. “JJ Johnson showing no fear of his large opponent whatsoever!” “You’re damn right he is Mak. But he might want to stop trying to knock out what few brains remain in that thick skull and keep working on that left leg. If you can destroy the vertical base of a near seven footer then you’re definitely achieving something.” “And look at those elbows! He’s laying into Aecas with all his strength!” “Psycho #3 had better do something soon or this could be over quickly. “Psycho #3? Who are the other two?” Mak asks quizzically. “Janus you idiot, and as I was about to say before I was so rudely interrupted JJ is relying on his speed and the sheer impact of his strikes and Aecas needs now more than ever to slow the pace of this match down, and use his strength and weight to his advantage.” “And JJ has yes to go for a submission in this match yet King. Despite working over the leg.” “Submissions slow down the pace Mak, and talented in that world as he is I’m not sure that’s what Johnson wants to do. Not yet anyway.” Aecas doggedly gets back to his feet, trying to block the blows that continue to fly at him as he backs away into a corner, shaking his head slightly to try and clear his mind as J3 backs up, retreating to the far side of the ring and pausing for a brief moment before charging at Aecas as he sits in the corner. The Black Angel raises his head as Johnson hurtles in at him, leaping up and preparing to drive another savage elbow into the side of the challengers head. Desperate to do something, Aecas lurches out of the corner, one huge arm coming up to wrap around J3’s chest before the Black Angel throws himself forwards and drives Johnson into the canvas. “STO!” Mak cries out as the fans explode anew from the impact. “He took too long to go for that elbow.” The Suicide King says, shaking his head with disgust. Aecas turns back to face his opponent limping slightly from the damage that JJ has inflicted on his knee but the expression on the giant’s face is more of anger than pain as he grabs Johnson by the head and pulls him upright. The giant steps in behind his opponent locking the champion’s arms in the same Full Nelson he tried before, heaving backwards and dropping the smaller man right on the back his head with a hard Dragon Suplex, trying to lock in a bridge but his knee simply won’t comply and he crumples back to the mat as Long makes the count. ONE!!!!! … … … … TW-KICKOUT!!!!! Without a bridge it’s easy for JJ to escape the Dragon, but the champion is slow to get to his feet after having his bell rung with that hard Suplex. Aecas is no quicker to get back to a somewhat unsteady vertical base, but he has more than enough wits to reach out and grab Johnson by the head with his left hand before taking Johnson’s head off with a standing Lariat. “Decapitator!” Mak shrieks as Aecas slumps down to his knees and quickly pins Johnson with a lateral press, hooking a leg in tight as Long drops to the mat once more. ONE!!!!! … … … … TWO!!!!!! … … … … THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-NO!!!!!!! The fans explode once more as JJ’s right shoulder shoots off of the canvas before Long’s hand can slap the mat for three, the champion not willing to give up yet as Aecas rolls off of his groggy opponent and onto his back, grabbing his left leg and working at it gingerly. “Aecas trying to get shake some feeling back into his leg.” “Well he’s doing it at the wrong time Mak, Johnson’s getting up!” J3 certainly is getting back to his feet, cradling his head from the two hard knocks it just absorbed, with Aecas concentrating on his leg its an easy matter for Johnson to put himself back in the driving seat as the champion flips over the Black Angel, grabbing the raised ankle and giving it a savage twist as he hits the mat back first.. “Rolling Knee Snap!” Mak cries out, as Aecas’ lack of foresight costs him dearly. JJ still has a hold of the Black Angels ankle and twists the leg harshly, putting more pressure on the joint and rolling Aecas onto his stomach. Seizing the moment, Johnson scissors his legs around the damaged limb, locking his hands and leaning back, pushing his hips off the ground and steadily applying pressure as he locks in the Cross Knee Breaker. “There it is Mak! Hiza-juji-gatame! I told you one mistake is all it takes! Break his knee Johnson! Snap it off!” The Suicide King howls with glee. The fans are on their feet as Johnson cranks on the pressure, Aecas’ usually blank face twisted in pain, teeth bared in a pained snarl as Long gets in his face, screaming at him whether he wants to give up or not. The Black Angel shakes his head violently, starting to make the long crawl to the ropes as Johnson continues to savage his knee. As tight as Johnson has the hold however, he can’t stop the big man using his greater strength to force himself towards the ropes, continuing to shake his head and roar “NO!” at Long before he finally grabs the rope. The fans explode into cheers again as Aecas manages to escape the hold. Clinging to the bottom rope like a lifeline as Johnson grudgingly breaks the hold at Long’s insistence. “So close. So close Mak.” The Suicide King mutters as Aecas takes advantage of the break to roll out of the ring, hobbling on one foot as he uses the ring apron for support. Seizing the imitative once more J3 quickly hits the ropes on the far side of the ring, charging back towards his opponent and ducking down to dive through the ropes with an Elbow Suicida! Unfortunately Aecas still has enough awareness left to see the champion coming, the Black Angel lurching up and slamming a forearm into JJ’s head as it clears the ropes. The champions head snaps to the side and a beautiful dive turns into an ugly crash as he gets caught up in the ropes and flops down to the floor, Aecas collapsing next to him having lost his balance with the strike. The fans are alive for both men as Eddy Long starts to count them out. Aecas pulls himself back up to his feet slowly, dragging a groggy JJ Johnson back to his feet with him, rocking the champion with a hard forearm before rolling him back into the ring, and sliding in after him. “Good presence of mind by Aecas. He can’t win the belt by count out.” “And he’s only got one leg Mak, no more headrops for him today.” King says with a smirk as Aecas uses the ropes to lift himself back up to his feet, grabbing JJ and muscling him slowly over to the nearest corner. The cheers of the fans get louder as the Black Angel slams another forearm into JJ’s head, the champion firing back with an elbow of his own before having his head snapped back by the sheer power of his challenger as a second forearm hits home. J3 valiantly fires another elbow into Aecas’ jaw but another return forearm scrambles his brains long enough to give Aecas the advantage. The challenger slams another brace of forearms into the head of the champion, one left, one right. Snapping JJ’s head from side to side, Kesa-Giri Chops light up J3’s throat as Aecas thunders the blade of his hand into the soft flesh of Johnson’s neck. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! Spinning on his feet, and grabbing the ropes to keep himself from toppling over Aecas slams a Rolling Kesa-Giri chop into the side of JJ Johnson’s neck. The impact is sickening and the crowd echo in sympathy as J3 staggers out of the corner clutching desperately at his neck. The champion is wide open and Aecas turns again thundering a Decapitator into the back of Johnson’s head, champion and challenger toppling to the mat. “Backbrain Lariat! The Champion is down! The champion is down!” Mak squeals as Aecas summons up the last reserves of his endurance, draping himself over J3 and hooking both legs, pressing all his considerable weight down upon the still struggling champion to try and guarantee the pin. ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! … … … … … TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! … … … … … … … … … … … … … … THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! DING! DING! DING! The fans explode once again as “Death in Fire” roars through the speakers that festoon the ring area, Aecas rolling slowly off of his opponent and sitting up, hands pressing against his knee as Johnson rolls over his stomach, hands clutching at his neck and the back of his head as Funyon makes the announcement the crowd wants to hear. “Ladies and gentleman the winner of the match. And NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW SWF INTERNATIONAL CHAMPION! The Black Angel! AYEEEEEEEECAAAAAAAS!” “I don’t belive this Mak!” The Suicide King shouts over the ecstatic cries of the Taiwanese fans. “Don’r belive what King?” “This wasn’t a wrestling match. This was a fight plain and simple! Johnson’s title should never have been on the line! Aecas should never have even got a shot in the first place!” “King…” “He had a handful of tights Mak didn’t you see that!” King blusters, despite the fact that there was no illegal action of any sort. Mak simply rolls his eyes as Eddy long steps out of the ring and fetches the belt from the Time Keepers table. Sliding back into the ring as Aecas slowly gets back up to his feet favouring his left leg heavily and winces as he struggles to keep his balance. Long presses the title into his hands and he manages to smile, thrusting the belt high into the air with one hand as long raises the other as high as he can to the delight of the fans. “And a new champion has been crowned! Three shows back and Aecas has gold in his hands once again!” “It’s a travesty Mak!” “We need to go to commercial now folks.” Mak says, pointedly ignoring his partner. “But we’ll be right back so don’t even think about going away as our main event is up next! Sean Davis with Michael and Amy Stephens will take on Tom Flesher and Charlie “Grappler” Matthews in a handicap tag match! And you know you don’t want to risk missing that!”

Suddenly the area goes quiet as the SmarkTron fades into life. Filling the screen, along with a small “LIVE FROM PITTSBURGH” message is the massively tattooed face of Va’aiga, the Maori Badass. Staring intently down the camera lens his end, the Maori addresses the Thai crowd, his voice deep and growling and his strong North Island accent laced with vitriol and hatred. Va’aiga: JOHNSON! JOHNSON! I know you’re watching this so listen up and listen good. Point 1. Never dis’ a brother’s puku, it’s a sign of good health. Point 2 and more important, running your mouth, showing off your jerkwadtanga, you just landed yourself in a whole heap of trouble. The Maori pauses before continuing. Va’aiga: See J3, It goes a little like this. I’m here holding my gold, you’re over there holding yours, and that’s cool. Since I left Cleveland there’s been a ton of changes, and your rise, that’s just one of them. So I walk back into an SWF arena for the first time in years, show my gold to he crowd and call out anyone for a match. Why? Two reasons – I like fighting and I like getting paid. And hauling my world champion ass into SWF country and calling out anyone who wants a match – that seemed like a money idea. But what I didn’t expect is for some scrawny, half baked, bottom feeding, low down, scumball piece of trash to make it PERSONAL! OOOOOOOOOOOH! Va’aiga: See now you went and done what a ton of people did before. You made me MAD. Problem is that in some wrestlers that makes you lose focus – the Maori takes it a different route. Anger drives me. Anger feeds me. Anger makes me a bigger, more powerful threat – and I‘m not sure you id your research right and found that out. Ask Dace Night. Ask Danny Williams. Ask Spike Jenkins or Silent or Jay Dawg. Check my shit out from early in my career when I sent Hellsbane through the base of the Shark Tank, put the T2SF through fire, gave Sean Casey the shitkicking of his LIFE. Check my shit out down in Pittsburgh, what I did to Adam Anarchy in the Chairshot Deathmatch, how I put out the whole Family in one night, what happened to Tyler Byrd to get me THIS… Va’aiga points at his title belt. Va’aiga: Common thread – they all pissed me off. They all made the Maori mad. And now you done it too. Well before you head out and ask your insurance broker how much your premium just went up, let me throw down. Steel chairs? Kendo sticks? Baseball bats? NONE OF THAT! Steel Cage? Ladder? No Escape Cell? NONE OF THAT! See I know this world tour is headed out to the Budokan, and that means only one thing. You fancy yourself as someone who can walk the King’s Road? Ain’t NOONE who do the Oudou like this dude do, BITCH! King’s Road Classic III. The Maori Badass is 2-0 wrestling like the Japanese greats, and you, YOU BOY, are about to make it 3. I don’t want your international title – it’s up to the Bahama Bomber to take that off you, and damnit I’m gonna be watching when he does. I just want you to turn up and get your teeth knocked clear through the back of your skull with the LAAAAAAAAARIIIIIAAAAAAT! YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH! Va’aiga: See Johnson, when you’re lying on your back, your neck aching, your orbital bone smashed out worse than mine ever was, short of breath, short of stamina and short of two inches of height cos you’ve been dropped on your god damn head one or six times more than is healthy, you’re just gonna have one thought drifting through what’s left of your mind; “I shouldn’ta pissed off the Maori” And with one final shout the Maori Badass ends his promo… Va’aiga: BOO-YAH!

“Alright fans you’ve seen Bruce get arrested, we’ve learned that he was put in a mental asylum for lord knows what reason” King starts out “Oh I can guess why” Mak says and then makes a “whacko” hand gesture “And we’ve seen Wayne go find two of his old buddies. It’s time to see why he went to Italy to find the guy known as Rev and just who Clem is. Roll Tape Wayne, Rev and Clem are all huddled up in a dark room somewhere sitting around a table where Rev has rolled out a set of blue prints. ** “Alright guys this is where they’re keeping Bruce” Rev points at a spot on the blueprint marked with the number 4775 “and let me tell you it’s not a nice place at all – I’ve heard rumors of medical experiments and Electro shock therapy” Rev says and chomps down on the cigar in the corner of his mouth. “It’s going to get dangerous isn’t it? I can feel it” Clem moans not really looking forward to it all. “It’s not going to be dangerous, I’ve got it all timed and planned out – trust me. We just need the right equipment and we’re good to go” Rev says as Wayne studies the blue prints. Clem pulls out a note pad, he is the “fixer” of the group, the man who could get anything for them and waits for Rev to tell them what they need. “Are we going to use the Seattle Shake’em?” Wayne asks “We can’t Wayne, we need Bruce for that one remember?” Rev replies “Oh yeah. And the Memphis Eel-roll is out too, we needed Bruce to get in the guys face and belittle him while we stuffed eels in his pockets” Wayne says reminiscing about past exploits. “Man we’ve had some good times haven’t we?” Rev says with a smile. “And we will again, the gang will be back together again.” “You mean Trixie is coming too?” Clem says with a hopeful smile. “She divorced Bruce remember?” Wayne says “Guys? Guys can we get to the plan? I need a few things for this to work so pay attention” Rev says stopping the walk down memory lane to focus on the plan. “Alright gimme the list” Clem says as he puts the pen to paper. “Alright first of all we need three ninja suits, our sizes.” “Alright *notes down* 2 regular size ninja suits and one XXXL” “We also need duct tape” “Oh we always need duct tape” Wayne comments “Extendo arm”, a measuring tape, a Polaroid camera, a remote controlled toy tank with a small camera on it, a bag of BBs, gloves for all of us, a fishing rod with the reel and all” Rev lists “What do you have in mind?” Clem asks. “The easiest way in is to have the key, so that’s what we’re getting” Rev explains. “Alright, alright Need anything else??” Clem asks “A cigar and a firecracker I think that’s it – no wait I also need a VERY stinky cheese and a small battery operated fan” Wayne looks at Rev like he lost his ever-loving mind but Clem just says “Alright I can get that together pretty quickly.” “Then our mission starts tonight at 1:12 AM” * Fade Out*

SWF SMARKDOWN returns to the sold out Phimai Historical Park where the onlookers have chosen the SWF product over a pick up game of stickball. The Thailand audience welcomes the cameras with cheers as the Franchise, Mak Francis and the Gambling Man, Suicide King are set to call the action. “So next up King the NEW SWF Cruiser…” “SHUT UP! Mak I’ve never hit a cripple before, but if you mention that Zyon is a two time champion, I will be forced to finish the job that Spike started. For the love of god, Mak. Can we just have a cruiserweight match without the needless prologue? Here I’ll make it short for you. Zyon is the new Cruiserweight Champion, and tonight he takes on the radical Bloodshed in a non title affair. Now can we let Funyon take over while I engulf as much alcohol as possible in a thirty second span?” The Gambling Man seems to be in a foul mood tonight, or just for the moment. And Mak doesn’t make it any better, “Actually, King I can’t hand our into off to Funyon yet. Firstly, that would be breaking the script, which is breaking KAYFABE!!! And we just can’t do that. Second, all the alcohol you packed away has been replaced with DY-NO-MITE! The new SWF sponsored energy drink that pops such a wallop that yes, you can internally combust if you have too much. Remember kids, if it’s not SPOTASTIC, then it’s not (Clap Clap) DY-NO-MITE!!” “Mak…you make me feel emo…TO FUNYON!” “The next match is for one fall with a SIXTY MINUTE time limit and will be NON TITLE!” Funyon’s growl can be heard all the way back into the grandstands. However, the first competitor’s music can’t be heard by anyone including a dog THAT SHOULDN’T BE IN THE PARK IN THE FIRST PLACE! … Spooking the audience a bit, the SWF seemingly controls time as the night’s sky swallows what light was left in the dusk. Staring down the entrance ramp for the reborn Alan Clark, many miss the crimson red spotlight that appears in the center of the ring. Referee Ken Masters is quick to point out with a wild backpedal and a nervous extension of his index finger that Bloodshed has arrived. “First, hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada. Weighing in tonight at 230 lbs. He is the Apostle…BLOODSHED!” The enlarged ring announcer shouts as the nearby audience cheers on one of their favorites who openly despises the popularity. Removing his lengthy trench coat, Bloodshed stares down the entrance ramp as a few familiar phrases appear across the Smarktron. “I’M BORN!” …Hopefully by now you know the whole spiel. “Vitamin” by Incubus echoes across the historical park of Phimai as the Cruiserweight Champion makes his way down to the ring to the joy of everyone in attendance. “And his opponent, hailing from Elkhart, Indiana. Weighing in at 200 lbs. He is the Unique Youth. He is the reigning SWF Cruiserweight Champion. He is…Zyyyyyyyon!!” Funyon screeches as the Unique Youth bounds down the entrance ramp, smacking the hands of those who chant his name religiously. Rolling into the ring, Zyon perches himself on to the second rope, forming an “X” over his head. Gradually, the champ breaks the “X” as he bends his elbows at an elevated position, soaking in all the glory that comes with being a fan favorite… …Glory that Bloodshed wants no part of. Dropping back down to the canvas, Zyon hands his title off to referee Ken Masters who hands it off to Funyon. “Referee Ken Masters is this match’s official. I mention this because he was contacted at the last moment due to our previous ref being deported out of Thailand.” “That’s right Mak. I’m sure nobody cares about some lone zebra, but this…Ru…Ry…Ryu feller was really hated in these parts. Personally I would save the acts of terrorism of Landon Maddix, but that’s just me.” King sighs at the unorganized hate around the world…it should be focused on Landon. DING DING DING! Referee Ken Masters starts the somewhat anticipated non title bout between the current champion and the possible number one contender. Bouncing out from his corner, Zyon comes out swinging for the fences with a right hand that Bloodshed blocks…with his face! Enamored by the stinging sensation that surrounds his cheek, Alan Clark’s devilish alter ego challenges the youth to take another shot at him. Reeling back, Zyon slams another right hand into the cocky Apostle’s face! Slightly enraged by Bloodshed’s challenge for minor torture, Zyon fires off multiple right and lefts that send Bloodshed reeling against the ropes….with a smile on his face. “Zyon has really came out strong during the opening moments of this contest!” “Mak you fool! Are you blind too? Alan Clark has about the widest grin I have ever seen across his face. Zyon is just wasting his time.” Pounding on his methodical opponent, Zyon latches on to Bloodshed’s arm, whipping him across the ring with an Irish whip! Refusing to play with his apparent victim any longer, Bloodshed counters tossing the youth into the far ropes. Bouncing back with the sure bet ability to take advantage of Alan Clark’s dubious arrogance, Zyon attempts a forearm strike. *SWISH!* Missing due to a Bloodshed sidestep, Zyon is unable to unlatch the hand that squeezes the back of his neck. The Apostle on the other hand releases with little qualms as he sends Zyon forward… …Over the top rope… …AND TO THE FLOOR! WHAAAAA! Looking into mysterious eyes of the evil competitor, referee Ken Masters stares at Zyon who looks a bit shocked as he begins to climb back into the ring… DING DING DING!!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Ok that’s not too bad. “FUCKING BULLSHIT!” Ok that is. Let’s put the blame on Funyon who makes everything official. “Due to the Cruiserweight Addenda. Bloodshed is disqualified for purposely throwing Zyon over the top rope and to the floor. Thus the winner, ZYON!” Usually accompanied by the Unique Youth’s victories would be mad cheering, but this time… “BOOOOO!” Oh man this is getting bad. Clutching his title, Zyon wonders up the ramp just as disappointed as the jeering fans. Bloodshed just watches on knowing that there are many wars that remain to be waged. “Well that was gay…” The Gambling Man mumbles as the SWF FADES TO IwishIhadmoretimetowriteBLACK

”We’re back!” King says quickly as Mak is distracted by scratching his . . . lower abdomen. “Ah-hem yes welcome back fans” Mak says while trying to cover up what he was doing. “Ignore Mr. Itchy Sack over here and instead let us take you away to a mystical far away country where we’ll hopefully find out what is up with Bruce.” “Italy isn’t mystical” Mak says trying to rain on the Suicide King’s parade *Roll Tape* We’re quite rightly in Italy, Rome to be precise, the Vatican, a church. . . the 3rd confessional booth from the right (that’s all the details you’re getting) We see Wayne enter the booth and then sit down waiting for the little slide door to be opened. After a moment it is and the priest on the other side whispers to him. “Confess your sins my son” “Forgive me father for I am about to sin, it’s been forever since my last confession” Wayne says with a grin. “About to sin? Son the lord can only forgive you if you have already sinned” “Really Well I once killed a man with a pancake just because I could” “. . . “ “Then I ate the pancake” Wayne says and sniggers “. . . Wayne Blank you son of a bitch!” it comes from the Priest’s side of the confessional and the little mesh is pulled to the side so that he can get a clear look at Wayne. “Rev! Still pulling the old religious scam I see” Wayne says and shakes the old man’s hand. “Man I haven’t seen you in about a year or so, not since that job in Atlanta went wrong. And yes I am, people tell their priest everything after all” Rev says and taps his priest’s collar. “Where is Clem?” Wayne asks obviously referring to another member of their little gang. “Where do you think he is? I keep them here for a very confession and penance and he cleans out their cars. But you didn’t come here just to talk about old times right?” “No – Bruce is in trouble” Wayne says as his voice turns serious. “Trouble? He in jail?” “Kinda, I found out that he’s been arrested and placed in a mental asylum” Wayne explains. “Oh lord.” “In Russia” “Oh crap, I heard those places are hell.” Rev says “I know, that’s why I need to get him out of there as soon as possible. I need you and Clem.” Wayne pleads “Of course Wayne, of course – you have but to ask. Why don’t you give me the name of that place and I’ll see what I can find out. Then you, me and Clem will sit down and figure out a plan” “Yeah a plan, good idea” Wayne says with a smile. *Fade Out*

“Protect Ya Neck” plays. Akira enters. Yay! “Crusher Destroyer” hits. Manson enters. Boo! *DING DING!* Manson is no match for Akira’s speed. Kaibatsu with hit-and-run strikes. He manages to catch and plant Kaibatsu with a belly-to-belly. ONE! A bit of mounted punching. Manson picks Akira up. Avoiding Manson’s attack, Akira knocks him down. EXCITING MAT WRESTLING! Kaibatsu dominates. Manson fights his way out like the manly man he is. YAKUZA KICK! Punts on the ground by Manson. Kaibatsu is sent out of the ring. Whip into the steps by Manson. He finds a chair. Swing. Miss. Kick into the chair by Kaibtsu and into Manson’s face, knocking him over the barrier and into the crowd. Fighting amongst the fans. Manson dominates the brawl, takes Kabatsu back over the barrier. Rolls him in. Picks up chair again. Slides it in. Digs a table out from underneath the ring. Slides that in. He heads in, Kaibatsu tries for a Shining Gamengiri. Manson catches his leg. Throws it down as he stands. Counter Gamengiri of his own! Kaibatsu goes down. ONE! TWO! Manson puts Akira on the top rope. Muscle Buster attempt. Akira breaks free. Boot to the face. Headscissors. He hooks the arms. IT CAME FROM SENDAI! ONE TWO THREE--NO! Akira stands. Kobe tells him to go for the table. He sets it up in the middle of the ring. Attempt at the It Came From Sendai. Manson struggles and breaks free, back bodydropping Akira off him. Akira stands. Manson bashes him with the chair. Headscissors. He lifts Akira up onto his shoulders and runs at the table. POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE~ OMG OG MGOGM ONE! TWO! THREE! ***** Meltzer said so. THE END

”As you all probably witnessed earlier on, it turns out that Bruce Blank was arrested when the SWF was in Russia and not shacked up in some French whore house like SOMEONE said” Mak says and glares at the Suicide King “No, no, no I said that’s where I would be” King explains. “Aaaaaaaaaaaanyway, as we told you earlier we received 5 tapes in the main this morning” “Why do you keep reminding them?” King says curtly “the SWF fans turn to Smarkdown from the start and stay through to the end!! Don’t talk to them like they don’t” King says but is totally ignored by Mak. “So here now is the second tape, hopefully that will answer the question of where the hell Bruce Blank is now” *Roll Tape* We see Wayne Blank backstage after the show is over, it’s mostly empty and dark as Wayne looks around trying to find his brother. “Hey BRUCE!!” he yells out but there isn’t any answer at all. Wayne keeps searching, checking rooms as he goes along until he sees Bruce’s cowboy hat on the floor, probably knocked off him when he was arrested. He bends over and picks up the hat, staring at it like it was an ancient artifact that he just unearthed. Worry quickly creeps into his eyes as he looks at the hat, Bruce would NEVER leave his hat behind. Wayne quickly turns on his heels and then heads for Joseph Peters’ office with the cowboy hat in his hands. “Hey Peters!!” Wayne yells as he barges into the office. “I’m busy, go away” Wayne just stands there and looks at Peters for a moment, he doesn’t look busy and well Wayne is not the kind of man to take a hint that subtle. “Yeah I can see that. Look what happened to Bruce?” “He got drunk and passed out?” Peters says wondering if Wayne even watched the show. “No I mean he’s gone, he’s not here and something bad happened to him” Wayne says Peters doesn’t really seem to pay attention, or maybe he just doesn’t care – the jury is still out on that one. “I’m serious! You need to do something!” *sigh* “And you’re sure something happened?” “YES!” If Wayne didn’t know any better he’d say that Peters actually smiled at that. “Alright, alright he probably got himself arrested or something – it’s not the first time THAT has happened after all. I’ll call the police and check it out” Peters picks up the phone and calls the local police, being wise from experience Peters has made a point of always looking up the number of the local police before each show. “Yeah I need to find out if one of my workers have been arrested by you tonight. . . no I’m not Russian. Yes I’ll hold” he says with no great desire to actually hold while some horrible version of t.A.t.U’s “All the things she said” plays. “Yes hello Joseph Peters, CEO of the SWF. I’m trying to find out if you arrested one of my workers tonight. . . Bruce Blank. . . yes I’ll hold” he says once more, with even LESS desire to hold, especially when “All the things she said” comes back on. “Yes hello Joseph Peters, CEO of the SWF. I’m trying to find out if you arrested one of my workers tonight. . . Bruce Blank. . . No I don’t think he would have been arrested for terrorism . . . *sigh* Yes I’ll hold” Peters says as he tries his best to not curse out loud. Then “All the things she said” plays again “Fuck!” “Yes hello Joseph Peters, CEO of the SWF pleasedon’tputmeonhold! I need some information about one of my workers. His name is Bruce Blank . . . Ah. . . yes I see. Thank you” *Click* “So?” Wayne asks. “Nope nothing, they haven’t arrested anyone here tonight” Peters says totally deadpan. “Bullshit! I mean unless he was kidnapped I don’t know where the hell he’d go” “Yeah well. . . not my problem” “Not your problem? He could be seriously injured or worse man!!” “Man. . . that would be a shame wouldn’t it” Peters says with absolutely no sincerity indicating that the conversation is over and Wayne should feel free to leave. “I need some divine intervention” Wayne says and then leaves as the tape fades out. “Divine Intervention? What the heck does he mean by that?” Mak says “Again with the stupid questions! I mean do I look like I’m a mind reader?” King replies as Smarkdown goes to another commercial break.

Stryke vs. Matt Myers to be edited in... I hope...

We return from a commercial break to give the Suicide King and Mak Francis a bit of face time before the next match starts. “Fans if you can recall a few weeks ago the SWF was in Russia” Mak starts out “I sure can, the women had bigger moustaches than the men” King says obviously throwing Mak’s train of thought off. “Erm. . . indeed” Mak says and then clears his throat “But besides that “fascinating” fact we also saw Bruce Blank take the Vodka test to see if he had recovered enough from his Pandemonium match” “He passed it too Mak!” King points out “Yes and then he disappeared, just dropped off the face of the earth and no one has hard a word from him since then. That is until this morning where a package arrived with 5 tapes and a note that said these would explain what happened to Bruce Blank and where he’s been all this time” “Paris!” King yells out “What?” “I bet that’s where he’s been, that’s where I’d be – I mean the women there are so loose that you could-“ But before King can explain just HOW loose the Parisian women are we cut to the video tape. A surveillance tape from backstage at the show in Russia, Bruce is passed out on a gurney snoring loudly as a doctor tries to check his vital signs. *ZZZZZZZZZZZ-Huh!* Bruce actually feels something as the doctor tries to listen to Bruce’s heart with his stethoscope. “Is okay Amerikanski, I am trying to listen to your hear” “Whuzza? You’re trying to what to the who now” Bruce says as he sits up, still very much drunk and now also in an extremely foul mood as his mouth tastes like someone wiped their feet on his tongue. “Is okay, I am doctor” the doctor reassures Bruce as he tries to check the big man’s vital signs. “Hey, hey, hey get your damn hands off me Scooter!” Bruce yells out and pushes the much smaller doctor away, a move that gets the attention of the policemen standing by outside the door. “Come on sir, I am here to help you” the doctor pleads “Help THIS!” Bruce says and then swats at the doctor with a back handed fist. “Stop that at once!!” one of the policemen yells at Bruce to keep him from hitting the doctor again. Of course if Bruce was capable of taking orders he probably wouldn’t even be in that state so what does he do? *POW!!* “Alright that’s it, you’re under arrest” the cop informs Bruce. “Oh yeah?? You and what army!” Bruce says as he raises both his fists with a stupid grin on his face “This one” is all the cop says as he points to the 5 men behind him. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH crap!” famous last words from the Trailerpark Messiah as the six police officers jump on him and take him to the ground before the tape runs out and we return to Mak and King. “So Bruce got arrested in Russia? Why am I not surprised” Mak says. “Yeah but where is he now?” King asks. “I dunno, for all I know he could be in Siberia – maybe one of the other tapes will tell us of his fate. Stay tuned for more”

The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF SMARKDOWN! LIVE, or maybe TAPED, Monday, May 22nd, from the... sold out(?)... Phimai historical park in Phimai, Thailand! (6pm PST, 10pm EST; check local listings) MAIN EVENT TAG TEAM BOUT TAG TEAM HANDICAP MATCH Sean Davis, Amy Stephens & Michael Stephens vs "The Superior One" Tom Flesher, Charlie "Grappler" Matthews ->Why am I booking this match? Because I'm Keith Hernandez, motherfucker. The Artist Formerly Known As Toxxic, his kid sister, and Sean Davis are all buddy-buddy, despite the plunking Davis got from Mike on the last show. Why don't we put that little love-in to the test? Mikey says he's not going to give Landon Maddix the satisfaction of facing him - and that's fine, because we can find plenty of other options. Like how about the greatest wrestler in the history of the SWF? And another former world champion!? In a shocking twist, Charlie Matthews is back, and in league with the recently returned Superior One? Is this new team really "Magnificent"? Or are they more Malox-worthy? While Tom match against Wildchild was certainly enough to give him indigestion, that remains to be seen, with another huge test coming up. Rules: Standard tag team match, albeit with a three-on-two advantage for the Stephens clan. Only two people can be in the ring at any time. Mind the tag ropes. INTERNATIONAL TITLE BOUT SINGLES MATCH JJ Johnson© vs Aecas ->JJ Johnson is the Internation Title champeen, and Wildchild is apparently none too happy about that. Aecas, on the other hand, is freshly returned and running a two match winning streak. JJ has requested a shot at the large Briton, because the bigger they are, the harder he kills. Oooohhh. Rules: Standard singles match. CRUISERWEIGHT MATCH NON-TITLE Zyon© vs Bloodshed ->Zyon, the new two time! two time! Cruiserweight champion gets a night off - in a manner of speaking. He takes on Bloodshed under cruiserweight rules, in what should be a cruiserweight match, but without his cruiserweight title on the line. You can be sure, though, that if Bloodshed wins, that will not be the case when this is recontested in the future. Rules: Cruiserweight rules. HARDCORE TITLE CONTENDERSHIP HARDCORE MATCH Manson vs Akira Kaibatsu ->If at first you don't succeed, try, try again, right? Except, this time, it's going to be for a different title. Manson, last time I looked, was one half of the tag champions. I read on the last card that the honour of being Mr. Justin Johnson's luggage now belongs to Spike. Interesting. Anyway, Manson holds or has held some titles very recently, so here's a chance for another one. Rules: None. Duh. OPENING BOUT SINGLES MATCH Stryke vs Matt Myers ->Is Stryke alive? Any more than he usually is, I mean? Well, we'll find out here, in the opening match for Smarkdown. And don't think there's not any bad blood here: Despite the fact he hasn't been active since 2003, Matt Myers has bested Stryke in the SWF Superstar rankings for three straight months! The Australian has the opportunity to regain some of his lost dignity, and answer that burning question: If we made Wildchild a booker, would he post entire shows in teal? Rules: Standard singles match. Matt Myers' gimmick is completely up to Stryke, or whoever ends up writing.

Man, that was one of the wussiest wrap-ups I've ever seen (until the Chinese saved it). The entire Finale, up to Jack holding Logan at gunpoint, was gold... Then we get the biggest wimpout cliche in the universe, the ole "hidden microphone we heard everything you said lolz"? How lame is that? Would've been ten times better if Logan had gotten away with it AND Bauer had been nabbed by the Chinese. Hell, have Logan turn Jack OVER to the Chinese. Overall I'd say this Season is probably the second best (I'd need to rewatch 3 to be certain), but that was a really dull ending.

Kept meaning to add JJ's World Tour banner to the cards, but now I've actually gotten around to doing it! Hooray!

I thought the way The Others' lists worked was they named good people, and took them away. Which is why I'm puzzled at Sawyer being on the list.

Jack doesn't buy it at first, but Sayid convinces him. They head to the funeral. Jack says a few words about Ana Lucia, Hurley says a few words about Libby then tells Michael "I'm coming with you". Everyone's sad. Sun points to the ocean and yells BOAT~! Everyone looks to see a tiny sailboat heading towards them. The end.

The Others wouldn't risk sending the survivors a boat like that, before the people on the list had been delivered. How would they know that Sawyer wouldn't jump on and sail away? Or Kate, or Jack, or Hurley? It would be too big a gamble on The Others' part. They're not that stupid.

Except Jack, Hurley, Kate, and Sawyer could all have piled into the boat and ran off. There's no way The Others would chance something like that. Makes a lot more sense to wait until Michael delivers them, and keep the boat at The Others' camp, so Michael and Walt can get straight onto it and out of there. And they're probably lying about letting Michael and Walt go anyway, so why give them a boat at all? I agree with the above - it's probably Desmond.

I'm not sure which question I want answered more: what's up with BOOOAT! at the end, or why Sawyer's on "the list"? EDIT: Sawyer, not Hurley.

I'd just forget to post it there. EDIT: New opponent for Hawke. Version 32893821.2B of his stats should be up shortly.

I got nothing from either man, and I'm assuming Janus didn't either. No word from Z or Judge, but they usually get it in by morning.

I do believe Blank is unavailable, at the moment. That little factoid was hiding in the "Shit I Keep Forgetting to Tell Janus" section of my brain.

I too hope Logan gets away with it. Don't really give a damn one way or another about Miles, though.

The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF STORM! Live, Friday, May 12th, from the Pyramids of Giza! (6pm PST, 10pm EST; check local listings) The SWF's 2006 World Tour keeps on truckin' - next stop, The Pyramids of Giza! The SWF's ring will be constructed on the front paws of the Great Sphinx: Anyone tossed over the top rope... well... I feel for you, man. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- MAIN EVENT - INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH JJ Johnson vs. Arch Griffon -> Arch Griffon may not have many claims to fame, but he does have one - Jay Hawke won the International Championship, but before he could go on his ridiculously long reign, Mr. Griffon stopped him dead in his tracks! No one's been able to do that since except Wildchild, and this is definitely worth some consideration. Now the International Title headlines the International Tour, Arch Griffon cashes in a shot he had a long time ago and we forgot to give him against the reigning International Champion, JJ Johnson! Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit: 6000 Send To: realitycheck -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH - SORT OF, ANYWAY Manson vs. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins -> So this is a bit screwy. Hollywood Spike Jenkins had some unflattering remarks regarding Manson's Tag Team Gold - specifically, he shouldn't have it. Joseph Peters decided to give Spike a chance to back up his words in this match, with an interesting twist. Manson will be defending his half of the titles. If he loses, Spike Jenkins will be a new tag team champion, and become JJ Johnson's new partner! Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit: 5500 Send To: janusd -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu vs. "The Dean of Professional Wrestling" Jay Hawke -> Maybe there's no official reason for this match, but come on - this is awesome. Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit: 5000 Send To: chirs3 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- HOUSE RULES - "Walk Like An Egyptian... And, Y'know, Get Buried Like One When They Die" Match Bloodshed vs. The Doomstroyer -> Round one... FIGHT! Rules: The match begins at the entrance steps to King Tut's Tomb: To win, you must find a way inside, bring your opponent with you, and stuff him inside the Sarcophagus that's ready and waiting the burial chamber! Obviously, the SWF could not secure the artifacts recovered from the tomb, but we bought some really good replicas, so the tomb will be filled with all the (fake) goodies Mr. Tut was buried with! Use them at your leisure. First man to stuff his opponent inside the Sarcophagus and seal it shut wins! Bonus rankings points if you mummify your foe as well. Word Limit: 5000 Send To: Justice -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- OPENING PROMO: Ghost Machine 2.0 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- (Send all promos/marked matches to janusd)

Glad to see you're still around.

“WELCOME BACK TO SMARKDOWN! It is now time for the hyped six man tag with multiple number one contenderships on the line!” Mak greets the returning television viewers. “That would be correct, Mak. It’s TEAM RUDO vs. TEAM TECHNICOS!” says the Suicide King. “And when TEAM RUDO wins, JJ Johnson and Spike Jenkins will get a shot at the Cruiserweight Champion, Grendel!” “THIS IS YOUR MAIN EVENT!” booms Funyon. “The rules to this six man tag are as follows: tags can be made by touch or when your partner finds himself out of the ring. This tag match will be wrestled under cruiserweight rules! Any member of any team can be eliminated, but the match can only be won when the captain of the opposing team has been eliminated!” “I’M BORN!” “I’M ALIVE!!” “I BREATHE!!!” …Flash across the SmarkTron that was created due to man labor. Insanely cheering for the Unique Youth, the Baghdad audience screams with delight as the former cruiserweight champion dances out from behind the mysterious black curtain. Sprinting down the ring, Zyon smacks the dirty hands of those in the front row before diving into the ring. “First, hailing from Elkhart, Indiana. Weighing 200 lbs, He is the Unique Youth, ZYON!!!” Funyon announces as the youth skips whatever taunt he had planned as he waits for his two partners and three enemies. “Protect Ya Neck” by the Wu-Tang Clan hits the PA with explosive force as another former cruiserweight champion wonders through the curtain with fame manager, Mr. Kobe! Sauntering down the ring, the two individuals talk strategy… “His partner, accompanied to the ring by Mr. Kobe, hailing from Sendai, Japan. Weighing in at 195 lbs, He is the Divine Wind, AKIRA KAIBATSU!” The foreign warrior rolls into the ring, exiting to the same corner as his partner. “Surprisingly there is not much tension between these two. The Divine Wind has gotten the better of the Unique Youth in two straight matches, back when Zyon held the Cruiserweight Title.” “Yeah and he lost it to Akira. Of course all of that is null and void now that neither has the title.” “Bouncin’ Back” by Mystical thumps through the PA system bringing the people to their feet. Walking through the curtain is the famous Wildchild along with the female manager that hasn’t gotten involved with Landon, Melissa Fasaki. Much like his partner, Wildchild smacks the hands of the shouting fans as he wonders down to the ring. “And their partner and TEAM CAPTAIN! From the Bahamas, and weighing 214 lbs… The WIIIIILDCHIIIIILD!” Somersaulting acrobatically into the ring between the middle and bottom rope, Wildchild releases his illegal shin guards to the hands of his female manager as he meets with his partners in the corner. “So this is the All-Star team of cruiserweights? Eh I don’t see the big deal.” Mak would dropkick King about now, but…”King, are you serious? All of these men have held the Cruiserweight Title, and Wildchild the team leader, is coming off an International Title reign.” “Oh and who now has that title by the way…” This man does. “I do that rather well...don't you think?” And with that comes the shrieking sounds of Cryptopsy’s “Crown of Horns.” Usually intense lighting and blinding smoke would unleash into the headquarters where the battle is taking place, but the other half of the Tag Team Champions doesn’t roll that way. Thundering through the black curtain and into the foreground is the much hated Raging Bull, Manson. Stalking in the background would then of course be the man dressed in gold, JJ Johnson! “And their opponents, hailing respectively from Denver, Colorado and Windsor, Ontario, Canada. At a combined 473 lbs... They are the SWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…OF THE WORLD! MANSON and the SWF INTERNATIONAL CHAMPION, J…J…JOHNSON!!!” Funyon inhales in an attempt to regain his lost oxygen as both heels roll into the ring. Manson throws up the Texan horns even though he’s from Colorado while his partner performs a daunting crucifix taunt on the second rope. “So Mak are you excited for the final entry in this match?” “Overjoyed, King,” The Franchise totally deadpans. The scratching sound of vinyl haunts the crowd… “BAM!!” …And that just scares them. “Black Label” by Lamb of God blast over Baghdad, eliciting massive jeering from the audience. Quickly removing his hoodie, due to the immense heat, the Hollywood Superstar stares a hole in his former protégé. “And their partner and TEAM CAPTAIN! Hailing from Hollywood, California. Weighing in at 220 lbs, He is…HOLLYWOOD SPIKE JENKINS!!!” Funyon finishes his outburst of entrances as Spike slides into the ring, tossing the “X” into the air for a quick recognition of his straight edge life style. The enlarged octagonal threshold for the competitors currently holds five cruiserweights and a Manson. The referee takes a moment to organize things, ordering the two teams to decide who will start the match. TEAM TECNICOS begin to talk strategy until they realize that Zyon has little to no clue what Wildchild and Akira are saying, which thus eliminates Zyon from the discussion. Noticing that Akira has a mask, Wildchild respectively steps out letting what could be the only true Luchadore start the match. “Akira Kaibatsu to start the match; he’s talented and is willing to put his body on the line for his team.” On the other side of the ring, TEAM RUDO quickly decides that Manson the Stampede will start. “Well it’s a good thing that Akira is willing to put his body on the line. Since he’s about to be destroyed by the only heavyweight in the match.” King laughs. The two referees in the match (Eddy Long as the pro-Rudo ref, and Red Herrington as the pro-Tecnico ref) argue over who gets to call for the bell until they both do it simultaneously: DING! DING! DING! Manson takes a strong step forward, baiting the energetic Divine Wind into charging toward him. Akira runs right into the brick-built heavyweight shoulder-first, and the impact sends the impetuous cruiserweight sprawling to the mat! Picking himself up, Akira listens to his cheering partners along with the chanting fans. “Let’s Go Akira!” Bouncing off the near ropes, the Divine Wind speeds up looking to overwhelm his opponent with another shoulder charge! Manson continues to remain stationary while the foreign wrestler collapses to the mat due to the impact. Zyon and Wildchild both watch on as Akira pulls himself up once again. Adjusting his mask, the Divine Wind lends his ears to his experienced manager…before bouncing off the ropes again!! “King, do you have any idea what Akira is trying to accomplish?” “He’s just making fun of you. He can run, fall, and get back up. You can only sit, HA!” The Gambling Man chuckles. Sprinting forward, Akira notices an enraged look in his opponent’s eyes as the Raging Bull steps up for the challenge. Finished playing the cruiserweight’s little games, Manson attempts to reach around his smaller competitor, but Akira performs a baseball slide under his larger opponent. Popping up from the canvas the former Cruiserweight Champion makes the faulty decision to wrap the Raging Bull in a reverse waist lock! Tensing up, Akira forces himself to lift the Raging Bull an inch off the ground until his body gives in to gravity, setting Manson safely back on the canvas! “CRACK!” Releasing his grip, Akira stumbles backward due to being the victim of a blind elbow to the face. Clutching his mask, the Divine Wind’s eyes grow to the size of a planet as Manson comes roaring into the young warrior with a knee to the gut! Dropping to both knees, the young Divine Wind looks up at the Raging Bull who attempts to drive the point of his elbow into the skull of Akira Kaibatsu! In a motion of panic, Akira throws both hands up, slowing the strike down enough for him to regain his wits. “CRACK!” “Brilliant!” Mak announces, overjoyed as Manson collapses to one knee, due to the Kaibatsu delivering a sharp kick to his opponent’s kneecap. Rolling away from the bitter Manson, Akira pops back to his feet, slamming both feet into the face of the Raging Bull, followed by the lateral press! ONE! TWOKICKOUT! Manson powers out of the lateral press, throwing the cruiserweight back to his feet. Sitting up from his ground position, Manson watches the quicker Divine Wind bounce off the ropes! Hurrying to his feet, the larger Raging Bull surprises the young Japanese wrestler with a kick to the sternum. Latching on to Akira’s head and arm, Manson the Stampede hurls Akira across the ring with a HIGH hip toss! Crashing to the mat, Akira instinctively rolls to the nearby turnbuckle…of TEAM RUDO! With the light bulbs going off, Manson distracts referee Red Herrington with threats of MANSONALITY! As if on cue, Spike and JJ Johnson reach around and begins to violently slap the young cruiserweight down! “SMACK!” “SMACK!” “SMACK!” Referee Eddy Long watches on with glee while the two members of TEAM RUDO strike Akira down with overhand chops. Decimated by the strikes, Akira rolls out of the ring just as Manson turns back for his own assault. “CRACK!” “Beautiful springboard missile dropkick by Wildchild who is now the legal man!” “How is that? What just happened? I didn’t see a tag?” King seems to lack the knowledge of Lucha tag matches. After driving both feet into Manson’s spine, Wildchild pops back to his feet and rushes forward until he realizes that Manson is charging back towards him with his arm drawn back! Refusing to allow Manson the opportunity to unleash the Raging Lariat, the Bahama Bomber hops forward with a low dropkick aimed at Manson’s knee! Crashing to the mat face first, Manson takes a moment to shake off the fact that the lightweights are currently getting the better of him. “Wow, King,” Mak gets in quickly before the match starts. “Think about this match for second.” “Why?” King asks sarcastically. Sighing, Mak says, “Well, first you’ve got Spike and Zyon. I think that was an obvious story that jumped out at everyone. But then you also have Spike and Akira. Akira just barely beat Spike in a pure rules match for the Cruiserweight title…the cruiserweight title that he won from Zyon, who he’s teaming with. Zyon won the title from JJ Johnson…who just recently beat Akira…to win the International Title from Wildchild…” “That’s not a good enough reason, Francis.” Manson reaches his feet, and circles the ring with Wildchild. Eventually the two lock up in the center. Manson reaches his arm out for a Greco-roman knuckle lock. WC accepts, and twists Manson’s arm behind his back for a hammerlock. Wildchild then slides his arms up Manson’s back, putting him in a side headlock. Manson struggles to push WC off his head, but WC fights to hold on. Manson then backs up, and bounces off of the rope. He throws Wildchild off him, and throws him into the opposite ropes. WC bounces off, and Manson pulls his arm back for a lariat. Wildchild anticipates it, and does a summersault through Manson’s legs. He carries that momentum through and uses it to get to his feet, and continue running smoothly. Manson turns around as Wildchild hits the ropes, and comes running back. WC then jumps up into the air, and extends a leg, nailing Manson in the face! “Leg Lariat! A Wildchild specialty,” Mak says. “Pfft! If only because the man can’t even bench a pet rock.” “…Can you even say Pet Rock on TV?” “Let’s hope so.” Wildchild turns to his corner, and extends an arm towards Zyon. Zyon slaps Wildchild’s hand, and ascends himself to the turnbuckle. Manson slowly gets up, and Zyon jumps up into the air. He spins around once, and does a backflip, driving his body into Manson’s gut with No Regard! RAHHHHHHH!!!! “Man, if ever there was a team of high flyers, this is it, King.” “I know,” snaps King. “It’s ridiculous! It’s like having 3 Wildchilds…except that one is Japanese and the other is Indian.” “Zyon is from Indiana, King.” “Close enough!” To the surprise of everyone though, Manson rolls backwards with the impact of No Regard. He then extends his legs out, and hurls Zyon back with a monkey flip! Manson then gets to his feet with all the energy he has left from battling the spot monkeys, and dives to make a tag to JJ. Johnson climbs through the ropes, and stalks Zyon. Just when Zyon is at his knees, JJ runs to the ropes, and bounces back. By the time JJ is at Zyon, the Unique Youth is at his feet. Not for long though, because JJ just lifted a knee up, and drove Zyon’s face in with it. RAHHHHH! “Busaiku Knee kick! It’s not hard to see how heavily influenced the Japanese style is on Johnson.” “Yeah…and Akira too…but only kinda…” King mumbles to himself, as the action continues... Johnson picks up Zyon by the hair, and throws an elbow at his cheek bone. CRAAAAACK Zyon stumbles backwards, falling back against the ropes, and tries to rebound, running at JJ, but Johnson catches him between the legs, and flips him sideways with a powerslam! JJ hooks the leg on the self-working cover. ONEEE! TWOOO! THRENOO! “Did JJ think he was gonna get a 3 count there? Honestly, now…” “Well, it was worth a shot, King,” counters Francis. JJ picks up Zyon by the hair, and throws another elbow at him. JJ makes sure to hold on to Zyon’s hair so that he doesn’t escape from his grasp. JJ then hooks Zyon’s arm over his back, bending him over at the waist before flipping Zyon over with a half-hatch suplex! “Half-hatch suplex!” calls Mak. “Nicely executed!” Johnson wastes no time in picking Zyon back up by his hair. JJ then forces Zyon to bend over, much like the previous suplex, only this time JJ applies a double underhook with both arms, before flipping Zyon over with a butterfly suplex! Zyon, briefly feeling a second wind, gets up right away, and faces JJ with a menacing look. Johnson then runs right over to Zyon, and elbows him out of the ring. “Well…so much for THAT comeback.” With no one in the ring, Akira takes it upon himself to get in the ring for the Tecnicos, and he does so quickly, rushing furiously at the International Champion! Akira thrusts his arm upwards, and nails JJ upside the chin with a European Uppercut! Johnson, taken by surprise, falls backwards, reaching upwards to make a tag to Spike Jenkins. “Team Captain in now…” Akira doesn’t slow down though. He throws a European Uppercut at Spike, who stumbles and falls to his ass. Akira then runs to the ropes, and bounces off with velocity. He steps up to Spike’s knee, and then drives a foot into Spike’s face with a Shining Gamengiri! “Akira is CLEANING HOUSE,” Francis shouts. “Yeah, this match is pathetic. How about some competition?” Spike decides that he has had enough, and rolls out of the ring to the apron, and Manson enters the ring in his place. Manson throws his arm out at Akira, but The Divine Wind is quicker on the draw, and nails Manson with a European Uppercut! Manson falls to his knee, which leads to Akira applying a double-underhook to Manson. “Going for It Came From Sendai….” Akira swings Manson to the side, lifting him up into the air. He then drops him down, face first, planting him into the mat with Akira’s signature move! “It came from Sendai…but it ends in Baghdad!” King shouts. ‘King, every time Akira does that move you say that,” quips Francis. “Be more creative!” “You know what, Mak? If you’re going to be like this, I don’t know if I really want to call this with you,” King says, as he slides his seat over a few feet. “Bwuh…ah…” Akira slides over to Manson to make a cover…but there comes JJ Johnson from outside the ring, nailing Akira with a rolling elbow! Red Herrington barks orders at JJ, telling him to get out of the ring while Eddy Long sits back, enabling the Rudos to gain a tactical advantage. Manson picks up Akira by the mask, and traps him in a front facelock before lifting Kaibatsu up holding him completely vertically in the air! Manson stalls, and the Iraqi crowd counts the seconds Manson holds him up there. ONEEE TWOOOO THREEE “Don’t you find it odd this crowd knows English so well?” Mak asks. “Humph” FOOURRR And then Manson finally drops Kaibatsu down to the mat, splashing Akira’s back against the mat! Manson gets up, and slaps a tag at Spike. Spike steps through the ropes, and grabs Kaibatsu by the mask before wrapping his left arm round Akira’s neck and dropping down to his knees, driving Akira’s chin into his shoulder! Spike holds onto Akira though, gets back to his feet before then slamming Akira down to the canvas with an STO! “Minor Threat, STO combo! Spike tried that combo with the Highlighter against Akira in the pure rules match, but Akira put his foot on the ropes!” Mak screams, as Spike hooks a leg. ONE! TWOOOOO! THREENOOOOOO! “Gahh! Akira kicks out of the STO! Am—King, what the hell are you doing?” “I want my cooler back. I’m taking it, and going right back.” “…what if I get thirsty?” demands Francis. “Maybe that’ll teach you to be nicer.” “NICER?! You’re the one who was shitting on the match!” “This is exactly what I’m talking about.” Mak sighs. Spike’s reaction is more of a groan though, and he gives a tag to JJ. JJ tries to pick up Akira by the leg, but Akira scurries towards his corner, and dives towards Wildchild to make a tag. WC gets in and runs towards JJ, but the International Champion is prepared, and catches him, flipping him backwards for a backdrop! Wildchild is back to his feet quickly, but just as he gets up, he finds himself in a rear waistlock, thanks to JJ. Johnson flips WC backwards, dropping him on his head with a German suplex! “DANGEROUS GEEEERMAAAAN!” Mak yells. “Humph!” harrumphs King, “Oh, real mature!” JJ crawls over to Wildchild and makes a cover, hooking the leg closest to him: ONE! TWOOOOO!!! THREEENOOOO!!! Wildchild reached out with his free leg, and put it on the ropes! “Uncharacteristic of JJ to do something like that…” Mak says, eyeballing his comrade. JJ whips Wildchild into the turnbuckle, and tags in his partner and co-champion, Manson. The two champions throw kicks at Wildchild’s gut, causing the Bahama Bomber to dry heave a little bit. JJ steps outside the ring, and Manson takes over now. Manson puts WC in a front facelock, and then grabs a hold of his leg. He pulls it in towards his body and spins around, driving Wildchild’s head into the canvas with a Moss-Covered Three-Handled Family Credenza! “I’m not even going to bother saying that,” intones Mak. “You guys know what it was.” Manson then cockily kicks WC, keeping him on the ground for just a moment longer. Manson then ascends to the 2nd rope of the turnbuckle before jumping off, driving an elbow down into WC’s gut! “Elbow from the 2nd—Alright, King… I apologize…” Mak breaks away from the action at just the wrong time, because Manson is making a cover: ONE! TWOOOOOOOO! THREE— NOOO! RAAAAAAAAAAH! TEC-NI-COS! TEC-NI-COS! “How nice of you, Francis,” King says, as he slides his chair back over towards Mak. “I’m sorry too.” “Let’s not do that ever again.” “Especially not on TV.” “Yeah, that part most of all.” Manson ignores his failed pinfall attempt, and extends a hand out for Spike Jenkins. The team captain accepts the tag, and steps through the ropes. He picks up WC by the bottom of his hair, and kicks him square in the gut. Spike then runs to the ropes behind Wildchild and bounces off, catching the back of WC’s head as he rebounds and then twisting it down as he slams him to the canvas with a neckbreaker! “Phantom Neckbreaker!” Mak and King yell at the same time. Instead of going for a pinfall, Spike lifts up Wildchild by his hair again and pops him in the face with a forearm! Spike throws one more forearm into WC’s face before tossing him into the ropes. Wildchild takes off running, but leaps into the air as he approaches the edge of the ring and lands on the second rope. Deftly, the Human Hurricane springs back towards the center of the ring, spinning around in midair and landing in a seated position on Spike’s shoulders! WC locks his ankles behind Spike’s neck and arches backwards, taking Jenkins over with a breathtaking rana! YEAAAAAAAAAAH! Wildchild grabs the back of Spike’s legs, and leans forward as Red Herrington makes a cover: ONE! TWOOOOOOO! THREEEENOOOO! AWWWWWW! “So close there!” Mak shouts. “Yeah, that move was kind of out of nowhere.” Wildchild and Spike lay on the canvas, with Jenkins recovering first. The two team captains crawl towards their respective corners, and Hollywood is the first to make a tag, slapping hands with JJ Johnson. Wildchild sees JJ coming after him, and hurries up a bit more, diving to hit Akira’s palm! SMACK! The two wrestlers meet in the center of the ring, and Akira wastes no time; JJ might not have his sights set on Akira as such, but Kaibatsu damn well wants some of Johnson! The Divine Wind comes out swinging, nailing JJ with a European Uppercut, and knocking Johnson on his ass! Akira then runs towards JJ, and extends a leg out, nailing the International Champion with a Yakuza Kick from the ground! YEAAAAAAAAAAH! “Jeez, Akira’s out swinging on this one, eh?” King says. Kaibatsu picks up JJ by the beard, and stuns him with an uppercut to the jaw, before trapping him in a front facelock. The Divine Wind flips JJ’s arm over his neck, and lifts him into the air. Akira stalls for as long as his strength will allow before dropping JJ forward, extending his knee out and planting JJ’s back over it! “Divine Backbreaker!” Mak calls. Kaibatsu makes a lateral press cover, hooking both legs for added pressure: ONE! TWOOO!!! THREE! NO! JJ got his HAND on the rope! “Just goes to show you, Francis, this man KNOWS what he’s doing in the ring. JJ’s a future world champ,” King foresees. Kaibatsu stalks JJ, who is slowly starting to get up. Akira races across the ring towards the farthest set of ropes, and leaps up onto the middle rope as he approaches the edge of the ring. Kaibatsu springs off the second rope and flies through the air, spinning around backwards and swinging his left foot out, nailing JJ in the face with it! RAAAAAAAAAAH! “Springboard Gamengiri from Akira,” King says. “He could get it if he wants it!” But Akira doesn’t go for a pinfall; he has something else on his mind. Kaibatsu approaches the head of JJ, and pulls him up into a sitting position. Akira then places his arms around the chin of JJ, and his knee behind JJ’s back; his other leg steps over JJ’s body: “STEPOVER FACELOCK!” “JJ used that to beat Asian Underground for the tag titles!” “That was a classic match, too, Mak,” adds King. Akira pulls back on JJ’s face; JJ endures nearly as much humiliation in this hold as he is real pain, but he tries his best to ignore it. Eventually though… he can’t… …JJ lifts up his and…and starts to bring it down… …But Manson steps through the ring, and runs towards Akira, attempting to break it up! He doesn’t have to do anything physical to break up the hold though, for Akira steps off of JJ, and runs towards Manson. Kaibatsu nails Manson with a European Uppercut that sends Manson flying outside the ring! Then Akira turns his attention back to the International Champion. Kaibatsu realizes that conditions are no longer favorable for the stepover facelock, but he still believes that he can put JJ away. Akira lifts him up by the beard, and traps him in a reversed front facelock before running towards the corner, climbing up the turnbuckles and flipping backwards … “He’s going for the Divine Wind!!!” Kaibatsu continues to flip… but he’s rotates too far! Johnson grabs a hold of Akira’s side and takes complete control over his body’s motion! The International Champion falls backwards… BANG! … Right into a Backdrop Driver! “DIVINE WIND INTO A BACKDROP DRIVER, MY GOOODDDDDDDDDDD” ONE! TWO! THREE! Funyon booms into a microphone, “Akira Kaibatsu has been eliminated!” JJ slides out of the ring. Akira gave him his money’s worth and he needs a breather. Now outnumbered, the captain of the Tecnicos leaps into the ring, where he finds himself face-to-face with his counterpart. “The Tecnicos are down a man!” says King happily. “And I’m loving every minute of it! Now you’re going to see what Wildchild and Zyon are really made of!” WC and Spike lock up in the center of the ring, and Hollywood quickly shifts into a side headlock. Wildchild shoves Jenkins across the ring and lowers his head to deliver a back-body drop as Spike rebounds, but Hollywood hops into the air and swings his feet forward, smashing them into the top of WC’s head with a running dropkick! “Great ring awareness on the part of Spike Jenkins!” praises King. Hollywood rolls to his feet looking insufferably pleased with himself, and crosses his arms above his head, signifying his straight-edge lifestyle. He walks back over to Wildchild and pulls him roughly to his feet by the hair, before grabbing him by the wrist and whipping him across the ring. Spike suddenly charges towards WC as he rebounds, arm raised to deliver a ferocious lariat! … But the Human Hurricane ducks underneath and continues to run until he reaches the edge of the ring, where he leaps onto the top rope and curls into a ball as he springs back into the ring, knocking Spike to the canvas with his patented Pinball attack! Wildchild clamors atop Jenkins and applies a lateral press: ONE! TWO! TH— Manson rushes in to break up the pinfall, stomping hard onto WC’s back, and then takes over on offense as Hollywood rolls out of the ring. The Raging Bull scoops Wildchild up in his arms as if he was a rag doll, and brings him crashing back down onto his outstretched thigh with a Rib Breaker! “Look at the power here being displayed by Manson,” crows King, as Manson holds onto Wildchild as he lifts him back up, only to bring him back down for a second Rib Breaker! Manson picks WC up a third time and turns away from his corner before tossing Wildchild overhead in that direction with a Fallaway Slam! JJ Johnson grabs onto the top rope and propels himself into the ring, even as his partner rolls out onto the arena floor, and extends his left leg as he crashes down onto WC with a slingshot legdrop! He quickly rolls over into a cover: ONE! TWO! THRE— NO! Wildchild just gets the shoulder up! “Wildchild get lucky there,” says King, “but you can tell that he’s in a world of trouble, as the Rudos are moving fluidly in and out of the ring… And now you’re going to see the continuity of the Tag Team Champions as they cut the ring in half on Wildchild; if they can get to him, they won’t even have to worry about Zyon!” Johnson pulls Wildchild to his feet and traps him in a front facelock. He drapes WC’s free arm over the back of his head as he reaches down to grab the far leg, and then lifts him up into a vertical suplex, but the Bahama Bomber counters, swinging his weight forward and pulling Johnson into an inside cradle! YEAAAAAAAAAAH! ONE! TWO! Manson and Spike cannot react quickly enough to break up the pinfall, but Johnson still has more than enough energy to kick out! He scrambles back to his feet, but WC is waiting for him, and directs a basement dropkick to Johnson’s left knee! Wildchild grabs JJ’s left ankle as he stands back up and position’s Johnson’s leg between his own as he hops back off the canvas, pulverizing the International Champion’s knee as he crashes back down to the canvas with a jumping knee buster! “Look at Wildchild fire back!” marvels Francis, as WC gets back to his feet, still holding JJ’s left leg by the ankle. “You can bet that he wants to get a little payback on Johnson for losing the International Title last week… And it looks like he may be going for the Figure Four!” WC wraps Johnson’s left leg behind his right, and then bends down to grab JJ’s right leg, crossing the Champion’s left leg over his own right before WC falls backwards to cinch in the Figure Four Leglock! RAAAAAAAAAAH! “There it is!” shouts Mak. “We could get a submission here!” WHAM! … But we won’t, as Manson rushes into the ring to save his partner, stomping on WC’s midsection to break the hold. Zyon rushes into the ring to come to his partner’s aid, but he is met by the Raging Bull, who sidesteps him and grabs him by the back of the head before leading back to his corner and heaving him casually over the top rope! “Hah!” snorts King. “Zyon thought he’d come in to make the save, but Manson wasn’t having it!” Manson whips WC into the corner and follows him in with a running shoulderblock that sends the Bahaman slumping down to the canvas. The Stampede looks out to the crowd with a sinister sneer before he positions his foot against WC’s face and proceeds to deliver the Face Wash! “I love me some Face Wash!” cheers King happily. Manson drags Wildchild out of the corner by the ankle and gives a slight nod to Johnson, who returns to the ring with Spike as the Raging Bull steps back out onto the apron. Johnson and Spike pulls WC to his feet and whip him into the ropes, where they each grab him by a leg as he rebounds and lift him into the air, falling backwards to plant him into the canvas with a double-flapjack! OOOOOOOOOOH! “Outstanding double-team maneuver by the Rudos,” acknowledges Mak, as Manson steps back into the ring. “And now it looks like they’re going to set Wildchild up again!” Manson and JJ both pull WC to his feet and then each grab him by an arm as they stand on each side of him. The Tag Team Champions each reach across their bodies to double Wildchild over, courtesy of a double-punch to the midsection! Zyon tries to help his partner, but Eddy Long grabs onto his ankle to keep him from getting back into the ring, as Spike climbs onto the top of WC’s back. “What do you think’s going on here?” wonders King, as Jenkins stands proudly atop Wildchild’s back, posing like he was George Washington crossing the Delaware, while JJ and Manson each flip the crowd off with their free hand. “What the hell is this?” demands Francis. Just when you think that the scene couldn’t get any weirder, Hollywood begins to sing in a loud, obnoxious baritone: “OOOOOH SAY, CAN YOU SEE…” BOOOOOOOOOO! The Middle Eastern fans take great umbrage to the singing of the National Anthem of the United States, and begin booing mercilessly! “You’ve gotta be kidding me!” shouts Mak. “This is great!” counters King. “This is the greatest thing I’ve seen live since I saw Eclectic and Sydney Sky making out in the locker room a few years back! I wish I had some popcorn!” Finally, Zyon manages to free himself from Eddy Long’s clutches and leaps into the ring, running towards the center of the ring and leaping into the air, knocking Hollywood off of WC’s back with a flying tackle! JJ and Manson release WC, and the Caribbean Cruiser rolls out of the ring to recover as the Tag Team Champions head over to assist their captain. “Zyon’s finally had enough!” shouts Mak, as the Unique Youth pounds away on his former partner’s face with hard right hands. “Look at him got to work on Hollywood!” JJ and Manson pulls Zyon off of Jenkins, however, and each grab a wrist as they whip him across the ring. Spike gets back to his feet as Zyon bounces off the ropes, and the Tag Team Champs prepare to greet him with a double clothesline… WHAM! … But the Unique Youth leaps over their arms and flips forward in midair, bringing both feet around and slamming them into Hollywood’s face with a spectacular flipping dropkick! ZY-ON! ZY-ON! ZY-ON! ZY-ON! “Phenomenal acrobatic move by the Unique Youth!” exclaims Francis. “I can’t believe that he was able to do that!” Zyon swiftly rolls back to his feet and catches Johnson as he rushes towards him with a hiptoss, slipping his arm towards JJ’s head just as the International Champion gets vertical and pulling him down into a falling neckbreaker! “Disconnect!” shouts Mak. Zyon pops back to his feet… WHACK! … But gets turned inside out by a running lariat from the Raging Bull! “Quick thinking on the part of Manson to go for that lariat,” says King approvingly, “as Zyon appeared to be on the verge of gaining the momentum!” Manson pulls Zyon to his feet and blasts him repeatedly in the side of the face with vicious knee strikes until the Unique Youth falls wearily to his knees. The Stampede pantomimes a big kneelift to the face by patting his thigh and then runs to the ropes… CRASH! … But the Bahama Bomber reaches up to grab the top rope, and Manson spills out to the arena floor, landing awkwardly on his head! YEAAAAAAAAAAH! “Wildchild makes the save to the Tecnicos!” shouts Mak. JJ gets back to his feet as he observes what’s going on, and resolves to knock Wildchild from the apron. He charges towards the edge of the ring and dives feet-first at WC’s feet with a baseball slide, but the Human Hurricane sees him coming and reacts accordingly, leaping deftly onto the top rope as JJ slides out onto the arena floor. Johnson looks up to see where he went just as Wildchild flips gracefully off of the top rope and out to the floor, crashing into the International Champion with an Asai Moonsault! “Unbelievable!” cries Francis, as Spike rolls back into the ring to take up the slack for his team. “Wildchild has taken both of the Tag Team Champions out of play! And now Spike Jenkins is left in the ring against his arch-rival!” Hollywood knocks Zyon down with a ferocious Yakuza Kick, and then pulls him to his feet, pushing him roughly back into the corner. Jenkins slaps Zyon around and then lifts him up onto the top turnbuckle. “Spike’s going for a Superplex!” says King. “If he hits this, Zyon’ll be free meat in there!” Spike attempts to lift Zyon up, but the Unique Youth fights back, hammering Spike repeatedly in the midsection until he lets go, and then pushes him backwards! Spike lands hard on the canvas and remains motionless as Zyon gets his feet set on the top rope. He leaps down into the ring… WHAM! … And crashes into his nemesis with the Final Flash! Zyon rolls over Spike’s body and reaches across to hook the leg as Herrington drops down to make the count: ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! “Vitamin” begins to play again as the crowd begins to cheer again. Funyon rises from his seat to give the official word: “Here are your winners… The TEC-NI-COS!” WC rolls back into the ring and helps Zyon to his feet as Herrington raises their hands in victory. “A tremendous effort by the Tecnicos, as they were able to overcome the tactics of the Rudos!” cheers Mak. “And now, Zyon, Akira and the Wildchild have earned the right to challenge Grendel for the World Cruiserweight Championship! A match that we could very well see on Storm. For the King, I’m the Franchise, and we’ll see you at our next stop on the SWF World Tour!” Akira returns to the ring to help his teammates celebrate… As we: FADE OUT

"Tell me exactly, what am I supposed to do Now that I have allowed you, to beat me! Do you think that we could play another game Maybe I could win this ti-ime." "Oh, great." groans King. "I kinda like the misery you put me through Darling you can trust me, completely! If you even try to look the other way I think that I could kill this ti-ime!" Disturbed's "The Game" kicks into gear and through the curtains emerge the SWF's self proclaimed Power Couple, SWF World Heavyweight Champion Landon Maddix and his trusty manager Megan Skye. The crowd give Landon a predictably hositle welcome as, blood smeared World Title draped over his right shoulder, Landon holds his hands aside and looks to the heavens above, as if thanking the good Todd above for his mere greatness. Megan leads the way as Landon then strides down the aisle, paying the crowd no more attention than he feels they deserve. I.e, none. "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome MEGAN SKYE... and the Smartmarks Wrestling Federation WORLD Heavyweight Champion... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMAAAAAADDIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "Well, here comes a remorseless son of a bitch if ever I saw one." criticises Mak. "The dried blood you can clearly see on our World Championship is that of Amy Stephens, the SWF Hardcore Gamers Champion who we regret to inform you won't be here tonight after the unsettling beating Landon laid on her on Lockdown. Amy has a Grade 3 concussion and is recovering from some understandable side-effects of losing so much blood." "Resisting obvious joke here." "I hate to sound mysogonistic. Amy is an athlete, she's our Hardcore Champion. But she's still a young woman and Landon treated her like a dog on Lockdown, with not a hint of compassion. And now, he comes out here, clearly proud of what he's done." Landon and Megan have by now entered the ring and sent Funyon packing, Landon taking the microphone to the disappointment of all. "EverybodybetterlissenupcosI'vegotsomefingtosayINNIT!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Evidently pleased with himself, Landon wipes a wry smile from his face. "See, ere's wot it is, right. Last week, I woz in this ring, right an' I was kickin' someone's arse right, and I...I..." Unable to contain himself any longer, Landon bursts out laughing. "Oh man. Hard to keep that shtick up. I don't know how those English people can talk like that for so long without cracking up, I swear I don't. So let's try some eloquence out here, shall we? Talk like a Champion? And while Amy 'does fetches' a dictionary, allow me to tell you a little story. The story of the 'Ugly Duckling'. See, once there was an ugly duckling, grey in colour, different from the rest. It stood out from the crowd with it's unkept feathers, it's hideous appearance and it's incomprehensible squawking. Everybody shunned that ugly duckling because...well, it was ugly. Duh. But then, one day, they ugly duckling got laid for the first time since her Sixth Form Leaver's Ball when some prat named 'Dazza' in a burberry cap and soiled 'tracky bottoms' took her behind the bike sheds and 'tested her gangsta'. Suddenly, that ugly ducking felt loved. It felt needed. It didn't have to reach for the Rampant Rabbit every night anymore. And by association, that ugly duckling soon became popular. And after all I did for it, what did it do? It dumped me." The crowd cheer, just to make themselves an annoyance. Glancing around, Landon seems just the slightest bit embarrased by the glee people are taking in what was a humiliating moment...until he sees Megan beside him smirking. Well, you'd be perked up by that too. "She 'dumped' me. And you made, oh so much of a big song and dance over it too Amy, didn'tcha? You took such delight in kicking me to the curb on live TV. Well Amy, as the saying goes, paybacks are a bitch. And bitch...consider yourself paid back!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "He's got a big mouth knowing Amy isn't around to take offence." sneers King. "All I've heard since Lockdown was what a sick bastard I am." Landon continues. "And if I didn't realise how hypocritical you people are and how insignificant your opinion, I might give a damn. But I don't. I didn't do anything nearly as sadistic as Bruce Blank did. I didn't drop her on her head and try to paralyse her like her brother would. And hey, it's not like I took her title." Megan, completely agreeing, applauds. "I could have, make no mistake. The question is, why would I lower myself to hold such an insignificant, trashy, worthless belt when I'm the SWF World Heavyweight Champion? Barbed wire and flaming tables are all well and good in the backyard and in the bingo halls, but this is WRESTLING! And Hardcore Wrestling is trash! Bruce Blank needs to hit people over the spine with lighttubes because he's an incompetent backyard wrestler who's incapable of anything with any credibility. Bloodshed needs to throw himself into thumbtacks because it's all he's good for, being a freak. The Insane Luchador has to dive into pits of glass because it's the only way people will give a flying crap about him. And Amy Stephens has to wrestle in the Hardcore Division because she's an untrained, no-talent, fat-ass binge drinker who doesn't deserve any employment within the SWF, aside from maybe cleaning up the piss buckets in the back. I don't need to do any of that shit, because I am a professional wrestler and I am the World Heavyweight Champion, something which none of those four can say and will ever be able to say!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "Take that!" King sneers, resisting the urge to cry 'Oh, snap' on air. "I am your World Heavyweight Champion and don't you people forget it!" Landon continues, head swelling. "At the end of the night, it's me you'll be watching, because I'm the Champ. The main event. The reason you pay your money to come watch the SWF! I might not come out here like Wildchild and do top rope, reverse dragonrana saults. I might not be like JJ Johnson, hitting people with... Super..Laser..Bomb Drivers. And I might not do Massacre..Death..Bombs through a glass replica of Mother Teresa off of a sixty four foot scaffold, while on fire and eating a rat poison sandwich like Bruce Blank. But I am your World Champion! That means you respect me! What I do, you enjoy! Unconditionally! So if I decide I wanna come out and slap on a cravaté on someone for 10 minutes, you stupid retards are gonna sit on your hands and you're gonna like it! And if I beat a woman half to death, you're gonna keep your damn mouths shut and not so much as DARE to doubt my actions, because I am the World Heavyweight Champion and what I say goes!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Unimpressed by this egomaniacal ranting, the Iraqi crowd jeer wildly, much to Landon's frustrations. Megan places her hands over Landon's ears to block out the noise, not wanting the crowd to get to her man. However, suddenly the mood changes. A brutal, stuttering guitar riff starts up, a guitar riff not heard in the SWF for nearly two years. “What the hell!?” Suicide King barks. The crowd turns to look disbelievingly at the massive Smarktron and sure enough, they see what they expect to see. Because this music is ‘We Still Kill The Old Way’ by Lostprophets, and it was used back in early 2004 by the man currently shown taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table with a move known as the Toxxic Shock Syndrome. Back when this music was first heard in the SWF, the man using it used to be quite popular with the crowd. “TOXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” Back then, before the days of broken necks, World Titles and Revolution Zero. “TOXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” Back then, before he fell from grace with the SWF fans, Toxxic would have been cheered over Landon Maddix any day. “TOXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” It looks like those days are back. *BOOOM!!* Red pyro erupts from the soundstage beneath the Smarktron and for a moment all beyond is obscured by smoke and haze. Then, striding through and wearing a Revolution Zero T-shirt, comes a man with eyeliner, nail polish and spiky black hair. “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAoooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” “What the hell!? Mak Francis says in shock, but for quite different reasons to his commentary partner’s earlier outburst. Sure enough, the man walking down the ramp towards the ring where a smirking Landon Maddix is waiting has the right hair, the right make-up, the right clothes and is coming out to one of two choices for the right music. But sunshine, that ain’t Toxxic. “Is that Matt Myers?” Suicide King exclaims disbelievingly, but the Gambling Man shouldn’t be such a doubter, because that’s exactly who it is. The SWF’s most notorious jobber slides under the bottom rope and climbs to the second buckle where he throws his arms wide, palms flat towards the floor in a pose reminiscent of a certain three-time World Champion. “OK, Landon has to be behind this, right?” Francis says. “Agreed.” “But I thought he said he was done with Amy’s family?” the Franchise says in confusion, “on Lockdown he said, I distinctly remember him saying, that he was done with Amy and her family. Now he comes out here running his mouth and trying to provoke her, then -we presume- pays Matt Myers to come out dressed up as her brother, the brother Landon has been publicly declaring his desire to cripple for, oh, the last four months or so?” “Hush Mak,” King says gloomily, hardly relishing yet more ego stroking from Maddix, “it looks like the ‘Straight-Edge Sensation’ is about to speak.” Sure enough Myers has requested, nay, demanded a microphone and is now standing facing Landon Maddix who is trying -unsuccessfully, it’s worth noting- to keep a grin off his face. Myers raises the microphone, takes a deep breath, and prepares to speak for the first time in a good few years. “Alright, mate? Cor blimey, I weren’t half mad when you laid a walloping on my sister, know what I mean?” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Come back Dick Van Dyke, all is forgiven,” Francis mutters, putting his head in his hands as Myers manages to murder a British accent even worse than the veteran actor’s disastrous cockney impersonation in ‘Mary Poppins’. The Iraqi crowd don’t seem too happy either, although how they can tell the difference between a genuine British accent and a (maybe deliberately) very poor American attempt is a mystery. Maybe they’re just booing because Landon Maddix is in the ring and smiling. It’s probably a good enough reason. “Ladies and gentlemen, the Punk Rockstar!” Maddix grins, pointing at Myers. “I’m telling you Toxxic, I’m glad you showed up; with Spike Jenkins going all emo we really need another whiny, petulant straight-edger with a liking for appalling music in the federation!” “Shut your bloody mouth Maddix,” Myers-Toxxic responds, mugging horribly, “unless you want me to slap it orf yer flaming face sunshine, ya get me?” “Oh no, I wouldn’t want that!” Maddix says, recoiling in mock horror. “But tell me Toxxic, since you’re here; why has it taken you so long to come and tell me off for sleeping with your sister, huh? I mean you’d have thought that most big brothers would come running when a guy they hated started banging their little sis, but I guess you’re different, right? I mean, was it because you didn’t know what was going on?” “Uh-uh,” fake Toxxic shakes his head, “I’m so completely obsessed with wrestling that I record every show that’s broadcast anywhere in the world and jerk off over it!” “Niiiiiiiiiiice,” Landon grimaces, “so, if you knew that I was banging your sister then why didn’t you do something? Don’t you like her?” “No way!” Myers denies, “I love all my family, gawd bless ‘em every one! Just cos she’s a loud-mouthed bitch with more tits than brains doesn’t mean I don’t care for her!” “Come on Toxxic, be fair,” Landon chides merrily, “no-one could have that much brains! I know some people say that more than a handful is a waste, but mmm-hmm,” the World Champion sighs ostentatiously, “as far as I’m concerned it just means there’s plenty to go in your mouth as well!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Urgh, please,” Mak Francis protests, “more detail than I wanted to know!”. “I hate to say this, but Landon actually has a point…” King admits reluctantly. “LAN-DON SUCKS!” “LAN-DON SUCKS!” The crowd are definitely heating up now, the off-duty GIs in the crowd starting the anti-Maddix chants that spread through the fans and showing that hey, different cultures can work in harmony if only there’s something they both dislike equally to focus against. As plans are abruptly made to ship Ash Ketchum to the Middle East, Landon raises his microphone again. “So Toxxic; if you knew I was sleeping with your sister, and you care for your sister, then what on Earth stopped you from coming back and giving me a jolly good going-over?” the Huron native asks his pseudo-British ‘enemy’, waggling his eyebrows in what he probably thinks is a comedic manner. “Don’t tell me; no Visa?” “Prepare to be proved wrong,” Myers says in response, “no Landon, the reason I didn’t bloody well come back and bloody well beat you in for touching my sister was… because I’m afraid of you!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Surely not!” Landon denies. “No! I don’t believe it! Toxxic, the man everyone knew as a violent, psychotic maniac who’d never back down from a fight as long as he had at least two goons running interference for him? Toxxic why would you be afraid of little ol’ me?” “Well,” Myers says, “because-OOF!” “No, don’t tell me, it’s because of THIS!” Landon shouts, burying his foot in Myers’ gut and doubling him over, causing the former SJL reject to start wheezing. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" “Somehow I don’t think Myers knew this was in the script,” Mak Francis comments. “God, he’s dumb,” King groans. Maddix stands over the hapless Myers, who having been caught completely by surprised has dropped to his knees, completely winded. In the background, Megan seems to be the sole person in the entire country who's amused by all this, while Landon stands over Myers with a smirk. For the time being, possession of the microphone is given to Megan as Landon now stands over the Cosplay Master and holds his arms to the side, hands out, palms flat. The crowd give The Next Generation a hard time, but they've seen nothing yet as Maddix captures Myers' arms in a double underhook and hauls him to his feet. Myers puts up no fight, as Maddix then hauls him up, spinning around and sitting out with the MSS! "'Maddix' Shock Syndrome!" groans Mak. "This is ridiculous, what the hell is he trying to prove here?" Sliding into a seated position, Maddix reclaims the microphone from Megan and leans towards the face-down Matt "Toxxic" Myers. "Thanks buddy...best fourty bucks I ever spent." smiles Landon, before standing up and directing himself towards the hard camera. "Amy, I'd hate to think you're like your brother and fear me after what I did to you on Lockdown. So, here's the deal. By next show, I'll get an open contract written up for a World Title match and I will walk down to this ring. All you have to do, if you have the you-now-whats, is stroll down after me and put your John Q.Stephens on the dotted line. I won't do what I just did to 'your brother'...wink wink...I promise. You come out, you sign the contract, everyone's happy. It's just a question of whether you had enough of me on Lockdown, or if you want another shot. Depende de ti, ya get me?" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Landon drops the mic down across the back of Myers head, causing him to writhe a little more while the SWF's Power Couple turn and begin to leave. A couple of referees have come down to drag Myers' carcass from the ring, feeling enough time has been wasted on Landon's egomaniacal symbolism. "Our World Champion ladies and gentlemen." bemoans King. "Don't say I didn't warn you all." "We'll be back with something slightly less vomit enducing, next."