Chuck Woolery

Yeah... and, I knew that, I was just saying it for Sacred's benefit. You guys are dicks.

Even though Ian is five years old and is scribbling incoherently, he still managed to spell the word "Jose". Pete, stop having children with the Cuban girls, bro.

I'd appreciate honest answers here -- and if you think it's less than 90% of the time, I'd like to know why and what you feel can be done to prevent the problem. Thank you.

Just as a note, I'd expect at least a promo each from Landon and Sacred about their upcoming tournament final.

I suppose I'll have a segment in... pay attention, it'll be good, I swear it.

I'm not even interested in who it is, honestly. I'm just interested in why they feel that way -- and, like Dace said, how far under 90% they think it is. Honestly? I feel that anywhere below 90% is avoidable and inexcusable, and it concerns me greatly that somebody might feel that our marking level is below that mark. So, I appreciate all the comments so far, keep 'em coming.

Since we finally have some firm brackets, let's see some NCAA-tournament style betting. The points system is as follows... - 1pts for correctly guessing a quarterfinal match winner. - 2pts for correctly guessing a semifinal match winner. - 4pts for correctly guessing the tournament winner. And for your convenience, the brackets.. Bombs ahoy.

While I'm thinking about it... kkk, is it easier for you if I post my picks the way I've been doing it, or if I make a list of them like most other people do it?

Tennessee: 27 DET/ATL/BUF/CAR/CIN/NYJ/MIN/NE/STL/IND/DEN/KC/PHI/NYG/PIT/SEA

So, if Sacred wins, the Landon wins outright. And if Maddix wins, then King and Toxxic tie. FEEL~ the intrigue.

Current Standings 1. Landon Maddix Suicide King Toxxic - 8 pts 2. Stryke - 7 pts 3. Kaine Spike Jenkins - 6 pts 4. Janus - 4 pts 5. Christian Fury - 0 pts

PROPS Drek Stone Ragdoll Axel Zack Malibu Sly Sommers T-Bod Chris Stevens Leon Rodez and... me.

REFEREE #1 Oh no! Drek! The scene opens with a group of referees and agents standing around a prone Drek Stone, who is laying face-down on the cement floor in the parking lot. REFEREE #2 Somebody get help! Somebody go and get some help! One ring agent separates from the group, presumably to call an ambulance. Blood begins to puddle slowly around Drek’s head as this entire collection of OAOAST officials stand around nervously. AGENT I can’t believe this is happening again. This is ridiculous! After a few moments of staring, two paramedics immediately rush over to the scene and kneel down besides Drek. Working cohesively, the two men manage to turn Drek over and find… PARAMEDIC Wait….this isn’t Drek. The group collectively gasps. And it’s at this very moment that the REAL Drek Stone walks past the group with the Heavyweight Championship around his waist. DREK How could you guys fall for that?! Come on! Who do you think I am? Hoff?! Sorry folks, but the Heavyweight Title won’t be leaving me that easily. Drek turns away from the group and begins walking into the arena with a wide grin on his face. DREK Men, get to a TV and quick. The best interview man in the business is getting ready to speak. As Drek walks out of the parking lot and into the arena, the camera focuses upon the shocked officials still standing around the body double. CABOOSE I can’t believe they fell for that. Oldest trick in the book! COLE New Heavyweight Champion Drek Stone! And he’s coming out here now! NEXT! LAST SUNDAY….. COLE It’s finally time for the Elimination Chamber! COACH One of these superstars will be walking out of here with the Heavyweight Title! ****************** AXEL SLAM!! COLE He hit it! BUFFER Ragdoll is eliminated ****************** COACH And Axel is on his knees…..NO! Devil Doll! Ragdoll shouldn’t even be here! CABOOSE Drek covers! BUFFER Axel is eliminated ****************** *CRACK* CABOOSE NO! COLE Sly just threw Chris Stevens through that glass! SLYLEDRIVER ONTO THE GLASS SHARDS!! BUFFER Chris Stevens is eliminated ******************** COLE And Crystal rolls up Sly from behind right after! 1.…2.…..3! COACH Whoa! BUFFER Sly Sommers has been eliminated! COLE And Sly does not look happy one bit! ********************* COLE And here comes Drek…..STONECUTTER! A SECOND STONECUTTER OUT OF NOWHERE! CABOOSE LET THIS BE IT!! ONE!! TWO!! THREE!! *DING DING DING* BUFFER AND NEEEEEEEEEW OAOAST HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…….DRRRRRRRREEEEEEK STOOOOOONNNNNEEEEEEEE!!!!! The video package fades out with a bloody, triumphant Drek Stone holding the title above his head. ********************* OAOAST HeldDOWN~! We enjoy the sounds of “I Like” by Katy Rose before being attacked by the logo! But before fireworks can go off…..here comes Drek! Woke Up This Morning Got Yourself A Gun Mama Always Said You’d Be The Chosen One CABOOSE Here we go! Nearly every fan in the arena stands up and loudly boos as Drek Stone slowly steps onto the entranceway with a HUGE grin on his face. He stands at the top of the ramp for a short while, dressed in a pinstripe suit and shined black Armani loafers, until finally holding his arms out and looking up to the sky. From the rafters, an army of balloons begin drafting down to the arena floor. CABOOSE This is beautiful! It’s like Christmas has come three weeks early! This collection of red, white, and green balloons is soon followed by multicolored confetti falling slowly from the ceiling, scattering around the entire building. As the crowd absorbs this festive scene, Drek continues to cherish the moment, holding his arms out and allowing the balloons and streamers to swirl around his body. CABOOSE Amazing! What a celebration! Didn’t I tell you Drek Stone knew how to throw a party?! COACH Oh, it’s wonderful. He clearly must have spent an impressive amount of money at the 99-cent store for all this junk. Finally, with the party favors beginning to wane, Drek puts his arms down and starts walking down the ramp to the ring. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our OAOAST HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION……DRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEK STOOOOOOONNNNNEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! The jeers in the arena manage to grow even louder as Drek walks up the ring stairs, steps through the ropes, and finally enters into the ring. Walking up to Michael Buffer, he arrogantly maneuvers the microphone out of Buffer’s hand and into his. Through the loud boos booming throughout the building, Drek lowers his head to the microphone and speaks three simple words. DREK I told you. The arena breaks out into another wild fit of jeers. DREK Oh, I did. I told all of you! I knew how this would end up! From the day I stepped into the OAOAST on April 1st 2004, I told ALL of you exactly what was going to happen. Even from my first day here in this federation, I knew what my destiny was. Do you all remember? Well, for those of you who don’t, please enjoy watching this retro footage. Roll the tape. HeldDown - April 1st, 2004 DREK So…..I’m sure everyone here now has one burning question on their mind. Something that they are just begging to hear an answer for. “Why, Drek? Why are you here?” Why am I here, you ask? Because……as a professional wrestler…..I have an obligation to be here. Look at the statistics. Before making my way into the OAOAST, I was the Heavyweight Champion of three different federations. THREE! These companies were nothing before I arrived! However, once I became the representative of these federations, business absolutely skyrocketed. Arenas were being sold out, the companies were taking in truckfuls of money…..hell, David Letterman and Jay Leno were having bidding wars with one another to get me on their show! Every single time I became the champion, I was a runaway promotional machine. I brought those companies to heights they never reached before, and heights they would never reach again……which is why I am now here. I feel obligated to do the same to the OAOAST. To remove it from the status of being an absolute joke and actually making it something. Who the hell is going to do that? Alfdogg? Calvin Szechstein? Zack Malibu?! Jokes. All of them. An embarrassment to the sport, and I actually feel myself getting less talented as I stand in the same arena as them. I need to fix this mess. I need to do what I have done three times before. And you people….and these guys in the back…..they might not welcome me now. But soon, they will thank me. They will get on their hands and knees, and KISS my freshly-polished shoes. I will do what needs to be done. With my unsurpassed athletic skills and absolutely flawless physical features, I will be the epitome of the OAOAST savior. You all WILL thank me later. Once the footage ends, the crowd is relatively silent until Drek speaks once more. DREK Do you see? I made that prediction from my very first day that I was to become the champion of this federation. And now Step 1 has been completed - after a seven month journey. Seven months! Do you people realize that I made the fastest meteoric rise on OAOAST History? People thought Hoff was the fastest rising star in this industry? I even surpassed him! It took me only a little more than half a year to get to where I am now! And throughout that journey, I made quite a name for myself. To be quite honest, I beat the biggest stars this business has to offer. Count them! Hoff. Calvin Szechstein. Panther. The Mad Cappa. Leon Rodez. The Blurricane. Damaramu. Even your famed hero, Sly Sommers. Not to mention I pretty much wiped the floor with Crystal in the Elimination Chamber. The list goes ON and ON and ON! So many people have tried to stand in my way and I went through them all. IN ONLY SEVEN MONTHS! COLE Anyway you look at it, that is quite the impressive track record. CABOOSE It’s about time you two start realizing what I knew all along. Drek pauses in the ring for a moment, taking the time to use his right hand to shine the gold still strapped around his waist. DREK And you know what the best part of this is? I really have no one else to thank for this - but myself. “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!“ DREK Oh, I know it’s cliched, but it’s true. I had no allies in the Elimination Chamber. Ragdoll was eliminated shortly after I came in. Stevens turned on me like the snake he is. Everyone was gunning for me - and I overcame them all. Hell, look at my entire OAOAST career. I’ve never had any serious allies. But you know what? That hasn’t stopped me one bit! I’ve just kept going on, leaving body after body behind me. And then I come to YOU people…..YOU’VE never supported me either. Every time I come out here to manhandle my opponent or cut a sterling interview, I get booed. BOOED! Well, now I accept it. Not only do I accept it, but I LOVE it! Boo me all you want! Let every guy in the back be as jealous as they want! I’m the one here holding the Heavyweight Title! I’m the one at the pinnacle of success. YOU ALL ARE THE FAILURES!! YOU ALL ARE THE ONES THAT CAN JUST NEVER SEEM TO GET IT DONE!! You want something to boo? Boo that! Sure enough, the fans DO boo that. DREK So everyone, get used to this picture in the ring. Words can not describe the rush I felt when I won the Heavyweight Championship last Sunday. It truly was one of the best moments of my life. With this being the case, I do not plan to give up the title anytime soon. Oh, no. Get used to me standing in this ring with the Heavyweight Championship. Get used to me headlining the Pay-Per-Views. Get used to me on the talk shows. Get used to me coming out here and gloating every week about the latest guy I put away. Get used to hearing me being announced as “Drek Stone: World Heavyweight Champion!” Get used to it all! CABOOSE I’m used to it already! COACH I hope I don’t have to get used to feeling like I’m going to vomit. DREK With this out of the way, let me just say….. CUE: “Set It Off” CABOOSE WHAT?! COLE I think Crystal has heard enough! The fans rise with a thunderous ovation as Crystal walks through the curtains with a microphone in her hand. Without even taking time to pose, she immediately begins walking to the ring. DREK Whoa! Whoa! You stop right there! STOP RIGHT THERE! Crystal eventually stops at the bottom of the ramp, glaring upwards at Drek Stone with eyes that could kill. DREK What do you want? Didn’t I give you enough last Sunday? Face it, Crystal. You lost. You dropped the ball. You have NO business being out here. So let me suggest something. Turn around. Walk back up the ramp. Shake your little ass while you do it. AND GET OUT OF HERE!! HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT MY VICTORY SPEECH!!! An all-too-familiar chant starts to break out throughout the building as Drek angrily stares at Crystal. “DREK STONE SUCKS!” “DREK STONE SUCKS!” “DREK STONE SUCKS!” CRYSTAL Now, now…..I really don’t see what you’re getting so upset about. I just came out here to offer you congratulations. You beat me fairly on Sunday, and for that, I give you my complete respect. Really. But let me give you a fair piece of warning: Make another comment about me shaking my little ass, and I’ll ram this microphone down your throat! “YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!” CABOOSE Somebody get her out of here. That was completely uncalled for! This is supposed to be Drek’s victory speech! COACH Boose, relax. I’m confident in saying ratings probably just shot up because of Crystal. CABOOSE Yeah? Well, I know something of yours that looks to be shooting up at this moment too. COLE BURN!!!! CRYSTAL But Drek, since I don’t like coming out here and bragging endlessly about my achievements - like you - let me make this short and sweet. Three months ago, I held that very championship that is now around your waist. And I remember at some time in September, some cocky, arrogant prick had asked me for a title shot. I gave it to him that very night and, lo and behold, I made him tap out in the center of the ring. And, if my memory is serving me correctly, why I think that person may have been….you! The crowd pops at this comment while Drek cringes at the thought of such a memory. CRYSTAL Now, you asked me for a title shot that night, and I was more than willing to oblige. Well, now, I’m asking you for the same. I’m sure I can beat you. I did it once already. Take away the glass chambers. Take away the steel grating. Take away the chain-link walls. Take away all that garbage. Leave it just to this mat, these ropes, and these four corners - and I know I can win that Heavyweight Title once again. So what do you say? Prove to me you’re a fighting champion. The crowd starts buzzing as Drek stares at Crystal for a moment, shaking his head slowly. CRYSTAL Come on. Far be it from me to start a little controversy, but there are some in the arena that think you’re just a fluke. There are even some in the back that think you’re just a fluke. Why not prove them wrong? Take my challenge - and prove to them all that you’re absolutely better than me. “DO IT!” “DO IT!” “DO IT!” Drek lowers his head towards the microphone to talk again, but he then finds himself interrupted when “Gimme Back My Bullets” kicks up over the loudspeakers! COLE Sly Sommers?! COACH How many people are going to be coming out here, exactly? Folks, stay tuned. The Los Conquistadors are in action. We promise! Sly steps out onto the top of the ramp holding his own microphone, but doesn’t care to move down any further. However, oddly enough, instead of focusing his attention on the Heavyweight Champion -- he’s staring at Crystal instead. SLY Crystal, I don’t think you deserve a damn thing. COLE ….whoa! SLY If there’s anyone left in the back that deserves a title shot, it’s me. But that isn’t even what I came out here for right now. I have an issue to address with you. CRYSTAL Sly. I already told you… SLY No, no. I know what you told me -- and I don’t care. I’ve had four hard days to think about the antics you pulled in the Elimination Chamber and honestly, I get angrier every time I picture it. CRYSTAL All I wanted to do was win the match! SLY You could have done it a different way! I would have been willing to fight you face-to-face, battling each other for the Heavyweight Title. That is fine! That is something I would have looked forward to. But what did you do instead? You rolled me up from behind! You waited until my attention was diverted with Chris Stevens and you ROLLED me up from behind! What kind of friend does that to another friend?! How could you just sneak up behind me and, in three seconds, take away only one of a few shots I’ve had to win the Heavyweight Championship. CRYSTAL Sly, I’m not going to apologize. I’m sorry if you have sour grapes over the whole thing, but that’s not my problem. When we walk into that ring, friendships get pushed to the side. I did what I had to do…. DREK Hey Sly, far be it from me to interrupt, but I think you can beat Crystal. She’s never beaten you before, right? SLY Oh, that’s another thing! I said it last Sunday and I’ll say it again. Crystal, we both know, deep down -- you can never beat me in a fair fight. That’s all there is to it. I took you on for sixty minutes in Australia two months ago, and you weren’t able to score ONE pinfall on me to defend your title. And what happens after that? Someone books my rematch for Dirty Deeds, and I can’t make it because my lawyer booked me in Japan for that time. You would think - once I get back - you would grant me the shot I rightfully deserve. No! You give one to Hoff! You COMPLETELY look over me, despite knowing I took you to the absolute limit last time. What kind of champion does this? Certainly not a fighting one. The only pinfall you have on me is a pinfall from behind. Surprise, surprise. The crowd, shocked at Sly’s anger, seems somewhat split between cheering for Sly and cheering for Crystal. DREK Crystal, if I was in your shoes right now, I’d be pretty upset at this stuff Sly is saying to you. CRYSTAL Oh, I AM upset. Sly, I’m getting tired of the whining. I’m getting TIRED of the crying. I had to “cheat” to beat you? Is that it? I wasn’t the one who ran to Japan when the time came for the rematch. DREK I hear he had a contract…. CRYSTAL Of course. The contract. Well, Sly, you don’t have a contract to Japan anymore. So what’s say we finally get this issue settled sometime? Not tonight, but soon. And we finally find out who IS the better athlete -- and we can stop your bitter bitching over all this. The fans collectively “ooooh” at Crystal calling out Sly. SLY Oh, you know I would love to. Let’s discuss that soon. And then once I’m done proving something to you…. Sly points a finger at Drek standing in the ring. SLY I’m going to prove something to you. Sly drops the microphone onto the ramp and walks through the curtains into the locker room. Crystal looks up at Drek with a grim expression. CRYSTAL Oh Drek, let me give you the same message. I haven’t forgotten about you. I’m getting that title shot, one way or the other. Crystal then walks back up the ramp and through the curtains, not looking back at Drek once. The Heavyweight Champion, left in the ring by himself, unstraps the title from around his waist and holds it up to a jeering crowd. COACH So wait….what’s going on? COLE I have no idea. Crystal wants to fight Drek. Sly wants to fight Crystal. Crystal wants to fight Sly. CABOOSE Drek is the Heavyweight Champ…. COACH Yeah, I had that part. COLE This is all getting very interesting. I’ve never seen Sly so hostile towards Crystal, and vice-versa. That Elimination Chamber may have done irreplaceable damange to their friendship. COACH But if we finally find out who the better superstar is, it may all be worth it. CABOOSE Man, look at Drek hold that title up high. I may have never seen a better champ! COLE It doesn’t look like we may find many answers tonight. Either way, folks, we’ll be right back!

-Fade into the back of the arena. We see AXEL!~!~ walking through the halls, getting a HUUUUGE reaction from the fans, before taking a quick left into a bathroom area. He walks in through the already open door and walks towards the sink. The sink is dirty...as would be expected, and the mirror looks kinda grimy...maybe someone should clean that shit. Anyway...Axel looks in the mirror at his face, before letting out a deep sigh. He shakes his head as he runs the water. He suddenly drops his face down and starts scrubbing, occaisonally bobbing his head up to let some of the water drip off. In the mirror, we see the door slowly close, and standing in the shadows...is Ragdoll. The fans start booing as the insane young man slowly stalks forward, a steel chair in his right hand. Axel is completely unaware...he is too busy applying anti-burn ointment. As Ragdoll inches closer, we see the complete lack of sanity plastered on his face. He slowly raises the chair...and begins to swing, stomping his foot at the same time. The noise causes Axel's head to shoot up...WHAM!!!CRASH!!!! Axel's face and head are sandwiched between the shattered mirror and the chair. The mirror shatters slowly, giving us a brief peek at Axel's now blood-red face. Axel's usually cat-like reflexes were no match for Ragdoll's cunning. Axel slowly crumbles over the sink and onto the floor as Ragdoll throws down the chair beside him and lights up a cigarette. A sadistic smile crosses his face as he takes a drag and blows out the smoke. RAGDOLL ...See you in Vegas... -Ragdoll slowly walks away as the camera pans down to show Axel lying in a pool of blood, glass everywhere. -FADE TO BLACK-

VENTURA We're back LIVE on TSM. Jesse "The Body" here, and my guests on The Body Shop recently won the OAOAST World tag team championship, having defeated the Global Party XChange, at Thanksgiving Star Wars. Since then they've received congratulatory calls ranging from President Bush to Queen Elizabeth. And now they're gonna talk to The Body. Acccompained by the first lady of the OAOAST, the sweet and tastey Candie, they are the NEW OAOAST World tag team champions, Zack Malibu and Black T! The wailing guitars of Papa Roach's "Getting Away With Murder" is barely audible due to the boos ringing throughout the arena. Zack Malibu and Black T emerge from behind the curtains, dressed impeccably as ever, with the tag titles drapped over their shoulders. Candie looks elegant in her short black skirt and white blouse. T-Bod is the first to get on the INTERVIEW STAGE, followed by a crutch-bound Dan Black, and then Zack Malibu, who escorts Candie up the steps so she doesn't trip on her high heels. Once everybody is on the stage, Zack and Black T taunt the crowd by holding up the World tag team titles as Candie looks on, clapping with a big smile on her face. Dan and T-Bod each holding an end of their one belt. Jesse tries to keep himself from smiling, but seeing his favorite wrestler (T-Bod) with gold, he can't help not to. VENTURA Guys, I was there when you defeated GPX for the titles, and I gotta say, that was one helluva match. I was callin' the action on the webcast with Tony Schiavone -- who picked GPX to win, I might add -- and even he admitted it was a helluva match, and one helluva victory. Congratulations. ZACK "In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabee's, there finally emerges a group who has come to set the record straight." Jesse, could you please enlighten the intellectually-impaired audience in attendence to what I've just quoted? VENTURA With mucho gusto. Ladies and gents, what Zack Malibu just quoted is the opening verse to "Make Her Say," the theme song of them chumps, the Global Party XChange. ZACK Exactly. And the reason why I decide to refer to their theme song is quite simple. The verse mentions a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabee's, when a group finally emerges to set the record straight. Those of you with an IQ of an inbred hick -- which many of you in attendence most certainly are -- Scotty Static and Johnny "Jam" Jackson wrestle collectively as the Global Party XChange. Global means worldwide. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, those posers, phonies, and pure wannabee's were the Global Party XChange, with Black T and yours truly being the group that came set the record straight. "YOU TAPPED OUT!" "YOU TAPPED OUT!" "YOU TAPPED OUT!" The crowd continues to chant "You Tapped Out," a reference to when Crystal made the former two-time World heavyweight champion tap. Candie snuggles up next to Zack, who's trying to keep his cool. ZACK Shut the hell up, jackasses! After that bitch failed to regain the World heavyweight championship Sunday, she's out trying to give some exec a blowjob in exchange for another shot at the title...but we all know the only shot she'll be getting is a (BLEEP)shot! Hahaha! COACH What a jerk! I oughta go up there and defend my girl's honor. CABOOSE Please do. Please! T-BOD As the holiday season nears ever closer, Jesse, television is saturated with commericals of peace, love and unity. Commericals with couples holding hands; familes waking up Christmas morning, heading downstairs to the Christmas tree, ready to open presents; polar bears drinking soft drinks. These are all about love. Hate is a strong word. But I -- no, WE -- hate the Global Party XChange. We've been working our asses off since day one, but we never got the respect we deserved. Then a couple of guys debut with their "hip" clothes, own language and hand signals -- fist pounding -- and God knows where else -- and become the toast of the town. Whatever happened to a good old-fashion handshake? Let me tell you what the GPX remind me of -- a bunch of frauds! They remind me of those TV envangelicals who ask you to give money and are generally full of you-know-what? People follow the word of these frauds, taking everything they say as gospel, thinking they're somehow getting closer to God by sending money to a bunch of men and women who are dining are five-star meals while the people they're ripping off can't even afford to pay the bills -- not that I care for their problems, just simply stating my point. You wanna get closer to God? Get close to us. We are Gods! We are the originals! We are the elite! The fact of the matter is, we are THE ORIGINAL ELITE! BOO! ZACK If anyone of you morons out there bother to pick up a dictionary, look-up the word "greatness." There you'd see a picture of The Original Elite. And that's a fact...jackass! So show some respect to YOUR World tag team champions! Hahaha! VENTURA Dan Black, it's been a couple of weeks since your knee injury. Can you give us an update? The crowd goes crazy. THE LOVE DOCTORS & DR. FEELGOOD come out to confront The Original Elite. Black T get in front of Zack. The Docs are their problem, not his. VENTURA Shouldn't you guys be at the E.R. saving lives? What do you want? DR. MAX A piece of Black T's ass stat! Applause and whistles from the crowd. BLACK In case you haven't noticed, I'm on CRUTCHES, because of YOU TWO, you bloody morons! If it weren't for my knee injury, T-Bod and I would be more than willing to kick your asses right now. But I'm injured. DR. STEVEN Tell somebody who cares. VENTURA You're doctors. You should care. DR. MAX Dan Black may be injured, but Zack Malibu and T-Bod aren't. How 'bout a little World tag team title match tonight? COLE Yeah! I want to see it. And so do the fans. T-BOD We're not here to wrestle you. Besides, you guys are the #1 contenders for the HI-YAH International tag team titles, not the OAOAST tag titles. And we don't want to hurt you. DR. STEVEN Oh yeah? BLACK Yeah! Black jams his CRUTCH into the midsection of Dr. Steven Pigley, then BREAKS it over his back, while T-Bod RAMS THE TAG BELT in the face of Dr. Max Anderson. Zack watches Black T absolutely destroy The Love Doctors. COLE Black must be fully healed now. Him and T-Bod are slaughtering The Love Doctors. PITCH BLACK (Chris Daniels' Angel Wings) on Pigley! T-Bod catches Anderson with the SPINEBUSTER, on the interview stage! Dan picks up what's left of his crutch and breaks it over the back of Pigley. Dr. Feelgood jumps on T-Bod's back, but Zack quickly pulls her off and throws her to Black T. COLE Let her go! She's a woman, damnit! CABOOSE She shouldn't have attacked T-Bod. They have a right to defend themselves. Dan and T-Bod laugh in Dr. Feelgood's face before planting a big wet KISS on her LIPS. They shove Feelgood down on the stage and stand over her, still laughing. OAOAST officials rush out from the back, running Black T off. "Ouiet" hits, signaling the departure of The Original Elite, who head backstage with their arms raised in victory as officials attend to The Love Doctors and Dr. Feelgood. COLE This isn't the last we heard about this. Remember Bill Watts said whenever Dan Black is ready to return to the ring, Black T and The Love Doctors would meet with the HI-YAH International tag team championship on the line. Seeing Black's actions tonight, I'd say that match is coming very soon. And Black T will have hell to pay.

The scene opens to a round of boos, as we see Josh Matthews standing next to a banged-up-looking Chris Stevens. Clad in a very snazzy suit, Stevens' forehead has some noticable scars, and he's scowling like it was going out of style. Next to him, the smaller Matthews looks up hesitantly...not at Stevens himself, but at the large, bald man standing behind Chris. JOSH Chris, last Sunday at Thanksgiving Star Wars, you received... Josh trails off as the large bald man rolls his neck, making a sick cracking sound. JOSH ...you received your first OAOAST Title shot, and, well, came up short. Stevens closes his eyes, breathing deeply before staring Josh down. STEVENS You know what, Josh, you're right. Buddy, you're 100% on the money. At Thanksgiving Star Wars, Chris Stevens came up short. Josh, you disgust me. Do you comment about my victory last week against five other guys? No! Do you mention the titles I've won all over the world? No! All I hear about is how I lost in some asinine cage match with a stacked deck! It's not fair, Josh! And you KNOW it's not fair! JOSH Well...I mean...you DID lose at-- STEVENS All right, Josh, just stop before your mouth gets you into trouble. Listen, I've come to a realization. The OAOAST? It's all about image. It's the so-called beautiful people who get all the attention! Hell, Jackie Gayda gets more camera time than I do!! Jackie Gayda?! She's a set of breasts and some blonde hair! I'm a world-renowned competitor! And yet, Chris Stevens gets the shaft. So, I've decided I'm going to do something about it. Stevens takes a step back, smiling. The large man, looking about 6 foot 8, and about 350 pounds, steps forward. STEVENS Josh, let me introduce you to my brand-new image consultant, Ricardo "Jumbo" Montana. Stevens laughs, patting the big man on the arm. "Jumbo" cracks his neck again, resetting his shades on his face and brushing the arms of his sportcoat. JOSH This guy is your...your image consultant? Stevens opens his mouth, then closes it, smiling as Jumbo steps towards Matthews. Josh steps back, looking wide-eyed at the large man. STEVENS You see Josh, this is the start of a whole new thing for me. Starting this week, you're seeing a whole new Chris Stevens! I will look good, I WILL get noticed, and I will take the spotlight that is rightfully mine! And I promise you, my man Jumbo will make a difference. Stevens laughs again, smirking as he walks off. Jumbo looks down at Matthews hard, waiting for a second before walking off.

-Fade in from commercial to show the interior of a boilerroom. It is dark, the only light radiating being from the exposed lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. The camera pans over to the left slightly to show Ragdoll, sitting with his back to a large box. A cigarette burns lightly in his mouth, and his lanky black hair hangs over his eyes. He looks unshaven and tired. Black bags are forming under his eyes. He wears the same clothes he wore the night of the Elimination Chamber. He slowly looks towards the camera, takes the cigarette out of his mouth, and begins to speak. RAGDOLL "It was just four days ago...four days ago that I was locked in a cell with Axel. Four days ago, that I had the opportunity of a lifetime...I could become the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion...fullfill the dream of my brother and I...and at the same time...kill Axel. It would have been my night. For once, the fucking spotlight would have been on ME. I would have had a chance to be somebody...to show everybody in this god-forsaken company, that I am the best...I could have made people be proud of me and just for once, say "That's Austin Baker...I know him...I'm his brother...I'm his wife...I'm his mother...I'm his father...I'm his friend..."...and I could of had them be proud to say it. Sunday night...I thought...I KNEW...I had the chance to actually prove to people that I'm not some piece of shit... ...And Axel took that all away from me... Axel...What a fucking asshole...what a fucking waste of space he is...What the fuck has he done to be so loved? What has he done, that I haven't done better? I held the X Title...I beat Zack, Anglesault...I beat them all...and I did it with fucking finesse. What has he done? NOTHING! AXEL HASN'T DONE A GOD DAMN FUCKING THING!! -Ragdoll slowly puts the cigarette back into his mouth and takes a long drag, just staring off into space. He slowly takes it out of his mouth and blows the smoke out. RAGDOLL ...So I guess this will be our climax, huh, Axel? Axel...Ragdoll...Las Vegas Deathmatch...Loser Leaves Wrestling for good...Well, fuck, man...As much as I hate you...you got guts for accepting that match...cuz right now? I'm pissed...I'm so FUCKING PISSED AT YOU!! YOU TOOK MY FUCKING TITLE FROM ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH!! YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!!! -As Ragdoll screams obscenities, he starts punching himself in the head. He has visibly lost any sanity he had left. He is now hell-bent on destroying Axel. Ragdoll suddenly starts to calm down before talking. He talks softly, almost as if to a child. RAGDOLL ...When that bell rings...when it's just you and me alone in a sea of glass and barbed wire...when blood is guaranteed to be shed...You better pray...You better pray to God that you make it out of that match alive. Cuz no matter what the outcome is...your career is ending in Las Vegas. When I win...I'm not going to stop after the bell has been rung...I'm going to break every bone in your body...I'm going to make you cry... I'm going to kill you, Axel... And if...somehow, you manage to beat me...if you somehow manage to win...I'm out of wrestling...that's right...but that doesn't mean that I can't still kill you. I will go after everyone you've ever cared for...your mom, your dad, your first girlfriend...everyone will die...including you. You fucked with the wrong guy, my friend...and you had better be fucking prepared to face the consequences... -FADE TO BLACK-

COLE It's now time for...what the hell? I'm hearing something in my headset, let's take it to the back! (Cut to the back, where we immediately see a shot of a tall, muscular man in a suit breaking a long board over Nate Tethers' back, who's laid out face-first on the concrete floor right in front of the locker room door. The camera pans back to see a similar-looking large man in a suit repeatedly slamming a chair onto Mikey Tethers' back. Danny Douglas then walks into the camera shot, wearing a feathery pink dress shirt, puca shells, huge Naviator sunglasses, and purple bell-bottoms.) DANNY Boys, Danny Douglas ain't gonna be fightin' on any streets tonight! Let's go! (Danny walks off of the shot with the two huge guys in tow.) COACH What the hell was that? Anyway, let's go to some comments from earlier today from Alex Bryant... (Cut to Alex Bryant, wearing a dark blue Death Cab for Cutie t-shirt and jeans along with black sweatbands on his wrists, standing in front of a black background. We can actually only see one, as he's holding one arm behind his back and standing up straight in a very proud pose,) ALEX Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'd like to point out to you "Exhibit A" of my testimony. This past Sunday night, I was scheduled to wrestle Jonas Smith, a pencil-necked geek straight out of wrestling school who thought that, just because his panties were in knots thanks to my fun hazing of the poor sap, he could step into a wrestling ring and defeat "The Grappler" at exactly what he does best: grappling. However, at the last second, even after he got every paper on Earth signed, sealed and delivered to wrestle me, both he and the Board of Directors chickened out at the thought of me stretching that young boy so far that he could have a one-man Hands Across America! (Crowd boos and giggles) ALEX Supposedly, physicians assigned by the Texas State Athletic Commission deemed him in "a state of disarray" before he even came to the ring, and therefore the B.O.D. called the match off. BOLLOCKS, I say! I think he came down with a good ol' case of vaginaitis. But, the past is past; I won't waste my time on those who aren't worth me wasting my time on. Let's look to the future...more specifically, the Climax Pay-Per-View. It looks as if I have nothing to do; looks as if my dance card is empty. Looks like a lot of other heavily-skilled lighter-weight competitors' dance cards are empty as well. So, here's the deal: I'm issuing an open challenge for any X-Division wrestler out there, signed to this company or not, to step up and enter the 2nd Annual Super X Cup! (Crowd cheers) ALEX I know what you might be saying: "Isn't it a couple of months too early to do that?" Eh, ten months is long enough. And anyway, it's not like the first X Cup winner is around here anymore. But anyway, here's the concept for it: it won't be a eight-man tournament like last time. This match will test your endurance and skill much further, and make sure you truly are the best out of the entire division. At the beginning of the night, we'll hold a gauntlet of sorts with whoever's signed up for the match, except for the man who gets the lucky last draw. What'll happen there is whoever wins the gauntlet will end up facing the man who draws the final number near the end of the night. But, to even the odds due to the fact that the last draw'll be quite fresh, he'll have to score two pinfalls in a row against his opponent, whereas the winner of the gauntlet will only have to score one fall. (Crowd goes "OOOOH!") ALEX I'm obviously already signed up for it, but I encourage any of you OAOAST "Superstars", and even those of you who aren't here right now but want in, to get ahold of the Board of Directors and put your name in for my challenge. I'm directly talking to you, Leon Rodez. If you have the balls, step up and put your name down. Don't put the belt on the line, oh no...I want that belt under clean circumstances. If you sign up, you're gonna have to put up a shot at the X-Division Title at Anglemania, regardless of if you've lost the belt by then or not, to whoever wins the match. (CROWD goes "OOOH!" again) ALEX So, in the immortal words of Larry Zbyszko, "Who's up for a game of human chess?" (Alex puts his right hand in the air at about shoulder-level right at his side with two fingers in the air before bending them like bunny ears and walking off-set.) (CUT SCENE)

CUE: ‘Somebody Told Me’ by the Killers COLE Well we are about to be joined by a psychotic, terrible human being folks! CABOOSE Yay! The crowd begins to riot as Ragdoll makes his way out to ringside, HI-YAH World Heavyweight Championship in his hand. He flips off a guy in the crowd, and nonchalantly rolls into the ring. COACH Looks like Ragdoll is all business tonight just look at the look on his face! Ragdoll sure does have a disgusted look on his face, looking like he’s just eaten a lemon or something. He points at Michael Buffer and tells him to ‘Announce my fucking name!’ BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome, the HI-YAH World Heavyweight CHAMPION… RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGDOOOOOOOOOLLLLL!! Ragdoll snatches the microphone off of Buffer and pushes him toward the ropes. Buffer rolls out of the ring quickly, scared of the psychotic man in the ring. Ragdoll paces around the ring and drops his belt to the ground, completely disrespecting it. He brings the microphone to his lips… RAGDOLL Last night… …but is quickly drowned out completely by huge chants of ‘AX-EL! AX-EL!’, and starts to get pissed off straight away! RAGDOLL LAST NIGHT… CROWD ‘AX-EL! AX-EL!’ The chants go on for a while, but then start to die down, as Ragdoll looks ready to explode at any moment. RAGDOLL Every week I come out here, and every week you people cheer for a guy that RUINED MY CHANCE AT THE TITLE! YOU RUINED MY CHANCE AT GREATNES AXEL, YOU SON OF A BITCH! CROWD BOOOOOOOOOOO!! RAGDOLL Do you know how long I’ve been known as ‘the greatest wrestler to NEVER WEAR the OAOAST Championship’? Do you really THINK I like that mantle? HUH? It kills me, every day it eats me alive. But last night, I had my greatest opportunity to date. I had an ally, and it was going to come down to me versus him! I was going to beat Drek Stone! I WAS GOING TO WIN THE OAOAST CHAMPIONSHIP! But no, someone spoiled my plans. Axel, YOU RUINED MY FUCKING CHANCE! For that, I ruined your chance as well; I left you lying in the middle of that ring. Do you hate me for that Axel? Do you want to beat me up? Do you want to make me bleed Axel? Huh? Do you want to come out here right now and beat me up Axel? Well I want you to try it, in the mood that I’m in tonight! I want to beat you Axel, just like I’ve beaten you before! I want to make you my BITCH! CROWD OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! RAGDOLL So what do you say Axel? You want some of me? All you have to do is come out here right now, and I’ll beat your ass! COLE Ragdoll is walking a fine line here guys. RAGDOLL Well I want more than just a victory over you Axel. I was so god damn happy when I thought that I had ended your career, and I want to feel that happiness again. I’m calling you out Axel, right here, right now, tonight! No rules, no sanctions, a fight, between me and you, so GET THE FUCK OUT HERE AND I’LL KILL YOU! COACH Wow! Ragdoll is calling Axel out for a fight! The crowd begins the ‘AX-EL’ chant once again, as Ragdoll waits impatiently in the ring. RAGDOLL What’s the matter Axel, scared that you will NEVER be able to wrestle again when I’m done with you? Oh that’s right, you’re SCARED of me Axel, I always knew you were a pu- BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!! OOOOWWWWWW-A-A-A-A! CUE: ‘Down With The Sickness’ by Disturbed The crowd goes NUT as The Dark Prince, Axel, steps through the entrance curtain and seems a lot more pumped up than usual, playing to the crowd, and taking a few steps down the ramp. He points at one side of the crowd, then the other, and finally with both hands at Ragdoll, before striking the crucifix pose… BOOOM! COACH Axel seems to be a little more positive than usual tonight… …and letting off a dosage of PYRO~! Before pulling a microphone out of the back of his trunks. The music dies down, and Axel, a look of almost happiness on his face, begins to address his somewhat perplexed opponent. As Axel begins to talk, he’s drowned out by more ‘AX-EL! AX-EL!’ chants, but unlike Ragdoll, he doesn’t seem to mind much. The chants die down quicker than before, and Axel begins to speak. AXEL Last Sunday night Ragdoll, I beat you. Axel Slam, middle of the ring. But you decided that you wanted to get back at me, so you attacked me, and left me easy pickings to be eliminated from my FIRST EVER OAOAST Championship match. For that, I will never forgive you. Thing is, you attacked me from behind. When I came into the Elimination Chamber and I was face to face with you, I sensed one thing… fear. Ragdoll is LIVID at this statement, pacing around the ring, yelling obscenities at Axel… RAGDOLL You just gonna fucking talk! Get the hell down to this ring! Come on you stupid mother… AXEL Wait right there asshole, I’m not finished. You’ll wait until I finish, and you will fucking like it, because I know you’re scared of me. CROWD RAG-DOLL’S A PU-SSY! CLAPCLAP CLAPCLAP CLAP! RAGDOLL DON’T YOU FUCK WITH ME! I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU ASSHOLES! AXEL I like that chant, louder now, come on! CROWD RAG-DOLL’S A PU-SSY! CLAPCLAP CLAPCLAP CLAP! RAG-DOLL’S A PU-SSY! CLAPCLAP CLAPCLAP CLAP! RAGDOLL Alright, enough with the talking, GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!! AXEL Oh we aren’t done with the talking. Ragdoll, you have been talking a whole lot lately. Talking about how you ended my career, talking about how last Sunday night was your night to win the OAOAST Championship. Sad thing is, you actually believe all of it. Did you really think you ended my career at World Without End? Did you really think you could stop me, take me out? Well, I won’t lie, that fireball came close to ending my career. But that’s the thing, it came CLOSE. It didn’t succeed. I’m still here, and Ragdoll, it kills you. You talk about how you are the greatest wrestler to never hold the OAOAST Championship, well I think there’s one other guy who’s got a longer list of accomplishments than you have Austin, and that guy is me. I’ve beaten Zack, Calvin, CWM, Spiderpoet, Panther, Gunner, AJ, Peter Knight, and even your brother, K Money. Where you held the X Title, I held the 24/7 Title. You beat me at World Without End; I beat you at Thanksgiving Star Wars. But I think it’s gone past the ‘who is better’ stage, hasn’t it Austin? It’s become much more than a place in this company’s top tier, so much more than money, or power, or status. I bet you thought that I was going to rush down to the ring and fight you tonight, didn’t you? Well do you think I’m really that stupid Austin? You think I don’t see the lead pipe in the back of your trunks? COLE Huh? Ragdoll develops a look of disgust on his face, before pulling a lead pipe out of the back of his trunks and presenting it to the crowd. AXEL That’s right. I go down there, and you beat me up with a lead pipe. Oh yeah, I’m really going to go down there and let that happen. So Ragdoll, I decided to go to the Board of Directors, and they agreed to sanction a match for the December Pay Per View: Bloody, Battered and Beaten. For the HI-YAH World Heavyweight Championship, it will be Ragdoll versus Axel. The crowd pops at this announcement, and Ragdoll’s expression turns to one with a hint of the fear he showed three weeks ago. COLE Wow! What an announcement! AXEL But it doesn’t end there Ragdoll. You see, as I said before, this has gone way past titles, or money, or status. This is way past all that superficial crap. You wanted to END my career Ragdoll, you tried to take me out from wrestling, and you tried to get over on that claim, that you stopped me. So, the Board of Directors has ordered that this match will have a special type, and a special stipulation. Thing is, they have left it up to us. You get to pick the type of match we are having, and I get to pick what’s on the line. So, surprise me. What type of match will it be at Bloody, Battered and Beaten? RAGDOLL Well, Bloody, Battered and Beaten is a damn good name for the Pay Per View, because that is exactly what you will be once I’m done with you. You underestimate me Axel. The Board of Directors told me about these plans earlier today, so I had time to devise a special type of match for you. Because at the Pay Per View, for the HI-YAH World Heavyweight Championship, it will be me and you in a Las Vegas Deathmatch! Glass will cover the ring, glass tables will be set up on the outside, and a flaming Barbed Wire Bat will be hanging from a pole in one of the corners! I have devised the most brutal match I could think of, and its all for you Axel. Now I already know what your stipulation is Axel, you want this belt to be on the line, well that’s fine with me… AXEL Wo wo wo there Austin, I think you have been misinformed. It won’t just be the HI-YAH World Heavyweight Championship on the line, no no no. I told you before Austin, this isn’t about titles anymore, this goes way beyond that. And although the belt will be up for grabs, there’s another stipulation that I have added. You see, two months ago, you tried to put me out of this business, you tried to end my career Ragdoll. So, I’m giving you the opportunity of a lifetime. I’m giving you that opportunity at Bloody, Battered and Beaten. COLE What? AXEL Because Our match will not just be for the HI-YAH World Heavyweight Championship, at Bloody, Battered and Beaten, it will be Ragdoll versus Axel, one on one, Las Vegas Deathmatch rules… … in a CAREERS match. TRIPLE C WHAT THE FUCK? The crowd pops HUGE at this revelation, and Ragdoll looks somewhat stunned at Axel’s announcement. Axel’s expression is now a very serious one, as he addresses Ragdoll once again. AXEL That’s right Ragdoll, whoever loses, is DONE, FINSHED. You don’t wrestle again. You don’t referee. You don’t commentate. You can’t be the time keeper, the ring announcer, the general manager, the president, the DOA. You can’t be a member of the production crew, the sound crew, hell, you can’t even set up the FUCKING ring, YOU. ARE. DONE. You can’t even GO TO another wrestling event if you lose this match. This won’t be like Foley, or Flair, or Savage, or Hogan, or Piper. This won’t be a storyline retirement, I’m talking real shit here Austin, you leave this company and you leave this business FOR GOOD. And you might ask yourself why I’ve put so much on the line? Well its simple really Ragdoll. This has gone beyond this business, this mess between you and me. It’s beyond personal. It’s beyond a promoters dream. It will be UGLY at Bloody, Battered and Beaten. No sane person will enjoy what we are going to try and do to each other in this match. Plus, whereas if I end your career, I end you livelihood, I basically end the only thing you have left. I am a man with nothing to lose. If you end my career, rather than destroying my life, you’ll be saving it… You’ll be saving me. CUE: “Down with the Sickness” by Disturbed Axel drops the microphone and stares at Ragdoll before walking to the back slowly, leaving his opponent completely perplexed, standing in the middle of the ring. COLE Wow. That’s all I can say guys. COACH What an announcement! CABOOSE And what was Axel talking about at the end? Does he not want to be in this business anymore? COLE I am sure we will find out in the coming weeks guys, but in any event, at Bloody Battered and Beaten, a HUGE, Main Event caliber match has been announced, one on one, in a Las Vegas Deathmatch, Ragdoll versus Axel, with not only the HI-YAH World Title on the line, but the careers of both men as well! We will be back on HeldDOWN!

Cameras pan around a high-tech building full of workers. We cut to a door that has "C.E.O." etched in the middle. Inside the office, Jim Cornette is sitting behind his desk, stationed in front of a large window, going through a stack of paperwork. The Saints are seated near a window, writing on a yellow legal pad, perhaps lyrics, as the New New Midnight Express watch footage of their Thanksgiving Star Wars match versus Hell's Hitmen on the flat-screen TV above Cornette's desk. CORNETTE Oh, hello. I'm Jim Cornette, the C.E.O. and Director of Wrestling Operations for Jim Cornette Enterprises. Since my acquisition of The Saints, I've made a few changes. In addition-- * RING RING * CORNETTE Excuse me. Cornette picks up the phone. CORNETTE Jim Cornette Enterprises. Jim Cornette speaking. How may I help you? Uh-huh. Yeah. A raise or she'll jump off the roof? Tell her to jump off. Okay. 'Bye. A woman is seen falling past Cornette's window as he hangs up the phone CORNETTE Pardon me. Greedy union worker. As I was saying. In addition to her duties with Arista Records, Holly-Wood will continue to serve The Saints now as their Image Consultant, while I'll serve as their manager. The roles of the New New Midnight Express remain the same. Unlike Hell's Hitmen, who foolishly turned down contracts to join Jim Cornette Enterprises months ago, The Saints have proven they're willing to do whatever it takes to rise to the top; as seen at Thanksgiving Star Wars. That's why I promised them they'd be the first to receive a tag team title match once 'Sarcastic' Simon and 'Narcissistic' Ned win the OAOAST World tag team titles for a second time at Climax, Sunday, December 26 live on pay-per-view. Which brings me to their opponents, Zack Malibu and T-Bod. While I love the tatics they employee during their matches, they aren't in the same league as the New New Midnight Express when it comes to-- * RING RING * CORNETTE Dagumit. Once again, excuse me. (into phone) Jim Cornette Enterprises. Jim Cornette speaking. How may I help you? Well, if it isn't the Chairman of the Board, "Cowboy" Bill Watts. Bill, really, you didn't have to call to congratulate us, I told you we were gonna win. What?! What do you mean we didn't win fair and square? We got the 1-2-3! That's nitpicking, punk! How the hell was I supposed to know The Saints we gonna run-in during the match? I can't read minds. You're what?! Listen, you senile old bastard... FIRST BLOOD...CLIMAX...SPECIAL ENFORCER?! You gotta be kiddin' me? You can't do that... You just did? Wait a minute now, maybe there's something that we can work out. NEXT WEEK...? No! Thank you? Thank you? Kiss my ass! How's that for a thank-you? Cornette slams down the phone. The Saints and the NNMX stand up. SIMON What's the matter, Jimmy? CORNETTE (pouting) Bad news, everybody. Simon, Ned, we've been stripped of our tag title match at Climax. NED What?! How come? CORNETTE That bastard said he told us two weeks ago we'd only get the title shot if we won "fair and square," and because The Saints helped -- I mean, ran in unexpectedly -- we didn't win fair and square. Instead we've been booked in a rematch against Hell's Hitmen --a First Blood match, at that, with a special enforcer. SIMON & NED (to The Saints, sarcastically) Thanks alot, guys. SYNTH Yo, J.C., whadda 'bout da Saints? CORNETTE I'm afraid you guys have Hell's Hitmen next week. Synth's jaw drops. LOGAN (slaps Synth behind the head) Thanks alot, stupid. This was all your idea. NED That's right, stupid. LOGAN Hey, why don't you shut up? NED Make me. SIMON Screw you, Mann. SYNTH I'll screw ya ma, biatch. The Saints and the New New Midnight Express get face-to-face. They're ready to start fighting inside Cornette's office. James E. gets up from behind his desk to cool things down. CORNETTE Guys, guys, guys. Don't worry about. We're being tested again. Watts is trying to screw me over, but it won't happen -- not this time. I've got a plan. Cornette sees the cameraman and rushes him. CORNETTE You still filming? Get the hell out! I didn't tell you to film-- CAMERAMAN You paid me to-- CORNETTE Security! Security! Two huge guards come running down the asileway and take the cameraman away. COACH Whoa. That's major stuff. CABOOSE Again the higher-ups are screwing with James E. Why does a man who does so much get picked on. This isn't right. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, we may have seen cracks within the foundation of Jim Cornette Enterprises, just days after they expanded. CABOOSE Shut up, Cole. You're just trying to cause more problems. COLE 3 huge announcements. First: The New New Midnight Express have been stripped of their tag team title match at Clixmax, and will instead face Hell's Hitmen in a FIRST BLOOD match. Two: there'll be a special enforcer. Who could it be? I guess we'll find out at Climax, December 26 on pay-per-view. And three, next week it'll be Hell's Hitmen vs. The Saints! And we still have more to come tonight!

We cut to the back, where Calvin Szechstein is half-sitting on a couch in his locker room, his legs extended. He stares blankly at a wall, unsure of why exactly he's there, when suddenly in barges Darrick Chandler, with a large whitey and a smaller black man in tow. The three of them scowl at Szechstein, and Calvin looks over, rolling off the couch and into a standing position. He glares at Darrick, an icy stare on his face. CALVIN What the hell are you doing here? DARRICK Oh baby, I've gotta confess to you right now, you don' messed up baby. CALVIN How have I messed up, exactly? DARRICK You never got that promo time that you promised me and the Crunk Machine, Calvin. It burns, baby, and my boo was pretty upset too -- and so was Sony Music. CALVIN How is that my problem, Darrick? In case you've forgotten, it was your dumbass back there that got himself busted for possession and couldn't make the show. DARRICK And what about Dre? CALVIN Well... The smaller black man speaks up, speaking quickly. MAN Yo, mo'f***er don' forgot about Dre, man, and Kidd Dre ain't happy. Andre gon' have to beat a motherf***er down if you know what I'm sayin', and you best be scared, whitey, 'cuz me and Romeo are comin' for you. Calvin steps forward, not willing to accept smack from anybody. CALVIN Romeo happens to have been in breach of his contract with me AND the OAOAST, and as a result has no business being in the arena right now. I have half a mind to kick all three of your asses out of here, but for the moment I'm just going to tell you to get lost before I call security. DRE So you're gonna call security like a motherf***in' p***y, are you? Chickensh** motherf***er, you don't know who you f***in' with, man, you don' f***in' forgot about Dre, well, you best not f***in' forget now, 'cuz I'll be right back and burned into your motherf***in' memory, motherf***er. CALVIN And watch your mouth, too, we're TV-14. The large white man steps forward, a Confederate flag bandana covering the top of his head. He scowls at Szechstein, towering above the former leader of Totally Endorsed and sending Szechstein back a couple of steps. He speaks. MAN You're dead. CALVIN And who do you think you are, Romeo? Suge Knight's white twin brother? MAN I'm Rebel Flag Romeo. CALVIN And you're on parole, so I'd suggest you get the hell out of here before you go back. Romeo snarls, but he exits the arena, leaving Dre and Chandler alone with Szechstein. Calvin smirks. CALVIN Well, your muscle's gone, why don't you two follow suit? DARRICK Don't think you've seen the last of us, baby boy. The Crunk Machine's coming for you. DRE YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH! DARRICK Yeah. C'mon, Dre. Chandler and Dre exit as well, and Calvin lay back down on the couch, trying to calm himself down. Feeling something, he pulls out his cell phone. CALVIN Hello? ... You've got to be kidding me. Calvin hangs up the phone. He's not happy.

Backstage with Josh Matthews stands the OAOAST X-Division Champion Leon Rodez, who doesn't look in a particularly good mood tonight. Probably because he's wearing a rather unsightly nose protector on his face. MATTHEWS Okay, we crowned a new World Champion and new Tag Team Champions at Thanksgiving Star Wars. But one title that didn't change hands was the OAOAST X-Division Title, with The Mad Cappa coming up just short in his attempts to take the belt from the man beside me...Leon Rodez. Now, I think it's clear you're suffering after the match and we're going to take a look at why, right now... ***OAOAST THANKSGIVING STAR WARS*** Cappa finally stops his posing, walking over to Rodez and irish whipping him across the ring. Rodez is feeling it now and can't find a counter as Cappa nails a back elbow, before quickly hitting the ropes and dropping a big knee into the face! Rodez howls in pain and grabs his face as Cappa again grins at the way the match is going, before making a cover. MATTHEWS So, what is the situation with you Leon? RODEZ Situation is, Cappa busted me up and I officially have a broken nose. Hence, the faceguard. MATTHEWS I think the obvious question then is, what affect will this have on your wrestling schedule? Obviously, failure to defend that belt in thirty days would resu... RODEZ Josh, rest assured that I will defend this championship within thirty days. In fact, while I'm here I'd like to re-iterate that I will defend this belt against ANYONE who challenges me, ANYONE who requests the shot...on any given night. Obviously, that doesn't include tonight...but, next week I'll be defending the title. For sure. Even if I have to drag Coachman in the ring and beat him, I WILL defend the title. Broken nose...or no broken nose. And, as far the offer goes, that offer is extended even to you Cappa. You've had your shot but if you want another, then I'll be happy to step into that ring with you once more...and I'll be happy to break YOUR nose. And another thing Cappa. I... Stopping suddenly, Rodez looks rather confused all of a sudden. Which is hardly surprising, considering two men in all gold costumes have just walked past. Matthews motions towards them, Rodez holding his hands up as if to say 'go ahead, I've said my piece', walking off and allowing Matthews to catch up with the two men. MATTHEWS Uhm...Los Conquistadors. Next week you have a match scheduled against the duo of Glory By Anarchy and I understand you've just negotiated yourselves a full-time OAOAST contract. CONQUISTADOR UNO Aaah...si senor! CONQUISTADOR DOS Si. MATTHEWS Okay...do you...have any thoughts on your opponents next week, Glory By Anarchy. CONQUISTADOR UNO Aaah...si senor! CONQUISTADOR DOS ...Dos. MATTHEWS And, is there any truth to the rumour that under those masks, you are actually a certain two wrestling fans who've been hanging around the arena recently and annoying everyone in sight. The Conquistadors look at each other for a moment a little confused... LOS CONQUISTADORS (together) ARRIBA! ...and march off. Matthews sighs and shakes his head. CAMERA MAN Nah...it's not them. MATTHEWS I know. There goes my five dollars. Who did you say they were. CAMERA MAN Ron Artest and Jermaine O'Neal. MATTHEWS ...phff, yeah. Good luck with that.

You guys have until 9 PM EST. That's two hours.

I play hockey... but for the most part, I find it dreadfully boring to watch on television.

I'll post it, if only because it'll remind me to get my stuff in this week.