Chuck Woolery

Atl/NY in... Actually, I don't remember the year, but I'm fairly sure it was an Atl/NYM series.

Because Babe Ruth was famous? And nobody gives a fuck about Harry Frazee, besides the fact that he started a tradition of stupid fucking moves that seems to have affected every Red Sox team since then. Besides, I don't blame Babe Ruth, I blame Muggy.

Bronson would have stepped up if you hadn't opened your fucking mouth, Muggy. You must die so the Red Sox may win. Jesus, that was just a manslaughter, though... I hate to give the Yankees props, but they're making us look really damn bad right now. This is disgraceful -- and I know Grady wouldn't have let this happen. Torre is getting so much more out of his whole lineup than Francona is, it's fucking disgusting. I wasn't one to jump on Grady last year, but I really hope that we pile on Terry. That dude has deserved it since day one.

I don't fucking care. This wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for fucking Muggy. That's right, Boston fans. If we're to win next year, we must do what the Lord our God compels us to... Crucify Muggy.

Here's something not-so-complicated, for markers: I'd greatly appreciate it if all marked matches were in to me by 11PM EST. I understand if they can't, but like everyone else in the fed I'm being raped by homework and other life commitments, so it'd be a favor for me. If you guys can do that then I can have the show and the card up by midnight, six hours of sleep, and we all win. Or, you know, disregard. But I'd rather you didn't. Mike "Thank God for me, indeed" Van "Dude, this quotation mark thing is really fucking lame" Siclen.

The only thing in rap that can equate to a won-loss record would be record sales, and the only rappers on Kibs' list that can touch Eminem in that department are Outkast and Jay-Z. Honestly, the one thing that Eminem has that the rest of these guys don't have is Dre producing his beats. A lot of the white kids currently "into" the rap game are attracted by the production just as much, if not more, than by the flow, and Em's beats (as a general rule) smoke the Canibus' and Ras Kass' in the world. Besides all that, Eminem says in his own raps that Redman, Jay-Z and Nas are better than him. So what's the point in arguing if it comes straight from the man's mouth? As for Snoop 'rapping about the same shit', as someone else said, the awesomeness that was Doggystyle gives him pretty much free reign, because everybody knows that he can bring it harder than almost any emcee when he wants to. And as a final note, Banky's right for the most part, but I really don't think that hanging with 50 Cent is going to get you any more street cred at this point. If 'In Da Club' didn't kill it all, '21 Questions' certainly did.

This promo makes me

As probably the only person in here to watch any of the series... you guys didn't miss much. There was a five-minute stretch in game three where nobody scored. It was the saddest thing I've ever seen, especially when you consider that the first two games were relatively well-contested. It's still not the NBA or even college hoops, but it's a nice enough diversion. And Lauren Jackson > Sue Bird.

Well, at least the Titans won by a lot... curse the tiebreaker.

I'm forced to support MVS/Mask as free TV match of the year, although it could be DQed for not being a competitive match. Your call.

I'm putting Ejiro Fasaki up as promo guy of the year. It took me ages to come up with nominees, but I'm going to put up Ejiro and Va'aiga, because they pushed themselves by writing good promos. As for promo of the year? Some nominations... "She", Crow "Chapter One", Masked Man "Crown Prince", Nathaniel Kibagami "Strangers in the Night", Z "The Return", Andrea Montgomery (admittedly, the main reason I link this one is so we can all read the magnificent tooling of Thoth one more time) "Mind Over Matter", me.

They do pre-made obituaries for just about everyone, from what I understand, and it's not like Sharon wasn't in a lot of newsbits over the past couple of years. Still, if it is a mistake, one has to wonder how they made it. R isn't too close to O when it comes to alphabetizing, and ditto C to S. That's the main reason I think it's legit... you don't accidentally select to upload "creeve.html" and "sosborne.html" at the same time. Rest in peace.

For God's sakes, Muggy. I mean, the Gene Pool thing is hilarious, but we're Red Sox fans and we're the most superstitious fans in baseball. You know better than to put any sort of jinx on us. You know better.

You guys'll notice that I'm marking the Hardcore melee thing on Lockdown. I suppose it's a natural progression. It's going to be awesome moving into the next phase of SWF life, helping to keep you rats under control. I'm looking forward to it. But before moving on, I want to make sure to thank everyone who helped me out while I was in the IGN/SWF. Some of you may not know this, but I've been writing for this fed since the tender age of eleven. When I started writing here, my parents had forbidden me from watching wrestling, I had few friends and was around thirty pounds overweight. This place was a release for me, and as the years grew on it was one of the few things that were constant in my life. I played hockey during the winter, I acted during the fall and the spring, but no matter what else I was doing, I was always writing for the SWF. Yeah, so I sound like an infomercial, right? Honestly, as much as other people will try to say that the fed was just a part of their life, I won't lie about it. There were times in the past four years where this fed was the only thing keeping me going. I was so fucking psyched when I won my first title, the IGNJL Eastern United States title. I was twelve, but it was so cool that I was a good enough writer to beat guys like Venom and D-Devil, you know? Anyway, yeah, I'm rambling. The point is, there's so many people who have contributed so much to my time as a writer here. From Xstasy and Edwin and King and Flesher, guys who I looked up to and tried to be like, to guys like Toxxic and Janus and Zack and Supes, who I saw as my equals and pushed me to become a better writer. I've gotten mad my fair share of times, but I can honestly say that I've never outright disliked anybody in this fed, and everybody's been relatively friendly towards me. And for that, I thank you all. - Mike.

Top 100 of what? Top 100 greatest moments of the past 25 years. You think that was a top 100 moment of the past 25 years? It probably wasn't a top 100 moment of this year. I believe he meant it was left off the front page, in similar fashion to all the moments left off the ESPN Top 100 list. Awesome fucking game by Lima, though. If the Dodgers go on to win this series, the ump error in the third inning is going to be huge.

Nope, the was me. It would've gotten over, too. I swear.

Comedic Moment of the Year: CASINO BRAWL, or FIVE WOUNDS, both from 13th Hour

Since I'm gone now, I'm starting a write-in campaign for Double Jeopardy as the best tag team ever. You know you agree.

We fade in on a view of Todd Cortez, standing at the hospital's reception desk. He's wearing a Hollywood Boulevard t-shirt and black pants, and he's obviously in a bit of stress. He knows that Mike Van Siclen was in here earlier tonight to get treated for the injuries suffered at the hands of Revolution Zero, but he wasn't in the ambulance and he has no idea which room Van Siclen is in. He assumes that Mike will be there overnight, though, and that's why he's here instead of his hotel room; he wants to see his mentor and confidant, make sure he's doing all right. The receptionist is not there, but she walks back, a slightly cheery smile on her face as she talks to Todd. "He's not here, Mr. Cortez." "... what?" "He's not here, Mr. Cortez." "How isn't he here? Did you see the cut on his forehead!?" "I did, Mr. Cortez. There's a nice bandage on it right now, actually. Mr. Van Siclen said that he wanted to get out of here as soon as possible." "Well, did he tell you where he was going?" "I'm sorry, Mr. Cortez, he didn't." "... well, fuck." "I apologize, Mr. Cortez." "No, no, it's not your fault... thank you." Todd exits, driving away, recalling a conversation from earlier in the week... "Todd... I don't want to lose out there, you know?" "Well, yeah." "But Todd, it'd be like... it'd be like I'd failed, you know? If I lose, I'm never going to want to go back in the locker room and have to look Landon and Andrea and Johnny in the eyes as a failure. If I lose, I just want to go home..." And suddenly, Todd knows exactly where he is. --- We fade in on the airport, where Mike Van Siclen has a carry-on bag slung haphazardly onto the seat next to him. He's wearing a leather jacket over a white tee-shirt, and he's lost his tights in favor of a pair of blue jeans. There's a large bandage on his forehead, and he's sitting in the waiting area for his plane. We can see on the large board the time -- "1:47 AM" -- and the time of Van Siclen's flight -- "CHICAGO, 2:00 AM." Van Siclen is nearly alone in the lounge, with the exception of a lone woman sitting a few seats over. Van Siclen calls out to her. "You think this is the whole plane?" The woman looks at him, smiling. "I hope so, maybe they'll upgrade my ticket." "Pfft, I already bought my first class ticket, I figure I deserve it." "Why do you say that?" Van Siclen smiles a tiny bit, tapping the bandage on his forehead. "I went through quite a bit of pain tonight, I think I deserve some relaxation." The woman smiles and laughs, getting up and grabbing her purse to move next to Van Siclen. "What happened to you?" "I got into a fight, actually... nothing too major." "I see. And why are you going to Chicago, to visit?" "Actually... I'm going home." "Really? Why were you in Portland?" "Business trip... I've been away on business for a long time, actually, it'll be nice to see Harrison again." "You're from Harrison?" "Yeah." "Really? Wow... I'm from Rosemont." "Small world, eh? Hey, if I see you around there I'll make sure to say hi." "Like you'll remember me." "With a face that beautiful..." "MIKE!" Van Siclen's words stop dead in their tracks, and the Spectacle looks behind him. A smile crosses his face as he turns back to the woman. "... you know, this isn't the first time this has happened." Todd Cortez comes charging towards Mike, a bit of sweat glistening in his hair. He moves Van Siclen's carry-on bag out of the way, sitting on the opposite side of Mike. "Why'd you leave the hospital, man?" "You were in the hospital?" The woman asks. Van Siclen turns to the woman. "Um, it's kind of a long story... let me deal with this first, I'll talk to you on the plane, okay?" The woman looks a bit put off, but Van Siclen can't really be bothered with that right now, and he turns back to Cortez. "Todd, can we, like... talk later?" "Absolutely not, Mike. I went to the hospital and you weren't there, and I want to know why you wanted to leave town so damn fast." "... I want to know how you knew I'd be here." "You told me you wanted to leave as soon as you could if you lost... and I figured if you weren't in the hospital, you were probably getting ready to leave." "Good guess." "Thank you." "Todd... look, I've been a wrestler for five years. I dyed my hair blue for that fed, so they could laugh at me and call me the Snow Demon. I acted like a psychopath, because I was asked to be a crazy guy named Jeremy Miller. I danced like a tool and wore zebra pants because I was asked to be the Thriller. Todd, for the last four years I've been able to go out there and be myself, be real, be Mike Van Siclen, and I still have people hate me or love me, just because I'd go out there and say what I wanted to. I haven't always wrestled to the best of my ability, but I've won my share of titles, and I always thought that if I went balls-out I was good enough to win the big one. And tonight proved to me one thing, if nothing else... my best isn't good enough. My best never was good enough." "That's not even being fair, Mike." "It's not? Todd, I never had him down for three seconds. I never made him give up. I deserve to be sitting here right now." "For God's sake, Mike, nobody deserves to go out like that..." "But I knew that the possibility was there. And now the possibility's a reality, and I can't change that. I don't want to have to step into the locker room again, and look at Landon and Johnny and you and have to look at them as an outsider instead of a peer." "What are you talking about?" "When I lost that match, Todd, I stopped being a wrestler. I'm not a wrestler anymore. I don't want to be a wrestler anymore. Right now, I'm just Mike Van Siclen, some guy with long hair and a bachelor's in communications." "And? You'll always have been a wrestler, you'll always have that competitive fire inside you..." "... and I'll always have to supress it, because like an idiot I told Toxxic that I would leave if he beat me, and like an idiot with too much pride I'm going to stick to that." "But Mike..." "But what, Todd? I'm going home. The fed'll keep going without me, and if tonight was any indication they don't want me anyway. It's time for me to step aside and let the new guys take over... maybe Landon'll win the strap. Hell, maybe you'll win the strap, man. That'd be cool, wouldn't it?" "Flight 203 to Chicago is now boarding." "Look, Todd, my flight's boarding, I can't talk anymore... it's been real, okay? Give me a call sometime, we'll go fishing or something, maybe even invite Mask. Just like old times." Van Siclen grabs his bag off the floor, getting to his feet and going over to the boarding line. He pulls out his boarding pass, giving it to the woman and stepping through the line. He turns to face Todd one more time, and this time he's obviously holding back. "Actually, Todd... thanks out there, tonight. You coming out to defend my honor... nobody else would've done that for me. I really do appreciate that, I've appreciated every night we tagged..." Van Siclen bites his lower lip, turning around, unable to face the Urban Legend. He takes a deep breath, tossing the words over his shoulder because he can't say them to Todd's face. "Goodbye." Van Siclen steps through the gates, and within fifteen minutes the plane is gone and he's already chatting with the woman from before. If you didn't know him you'd think that he was never a wrestler. That chapter of his life is over. But the book for Todd Cortez is still being written, and Cortez still stands there, praying and hoping that Van Siclen will come back. A forlorn look is on the street-hardened Cortez's face, and he still struggles with the words himself... "Goodbye, Mike."

The most flattering part of this whole thing is that you guys think that match was Toxxic's.

CM Funk should change his name to Rock Paper Scissors. Alternatively, he could also change his name to Rock, Paper, Scissors. I'm sure he's flexible.

CLE/DET/MIA/MIN/DAL/OAK/NO/BUF/JAX/ARI/CAR/SEA/BAL/TEN/10

Mike Van Siclen says, "This is an angry statement that has been edited as a result of my own better judgment. Thanks, Tom." You'll note that the win the W&D scored over us was all of Zack's second match in the fed, and at that was a 5000 word ladder match that neither of us had much time to write for. I'll give credit that a win is still a win but I will guaranfuckingtee you that eight out of ten times we take that match. You'll also note that our joining the tag ranks happened at the same time that Wildchild left (breaking up Wild and Dangerous), the Boyscouts died, Toxxic's singles career caught fire (breaking up Psychological Warfare), and Janus/Aecas and Tom/Annie started feuding, breaking up those teams. You'll also remember that our tag reign was during the same period of time that one of the hottest angles to grace the tag division in a long time, the MVS/Mask/Todd love triangle, occurred, which was marked by the spectacular 42nd St./Flip Flop match (which I didn't help write... or did I?) and later by MVS/Mask. We also defended the belts against a good Revolution Zero team before dropping the belts at Genesis, and of course the spectacular Casino Brawl match against John Duran and Crow, which I'd say was a sleeper MotN on the show it was on and would put up against any sub-7000 word match this year. Our first victory for the belts came over the same Unholy Trinity team that Wildchild so pimps himself beating, only we also beat the tandem of Annie and Tom. Oh, and we broke the record for longest reign, but I try not to bring that up too much because there's a lot of 'questionable' things that contributed to our reign. I point more to Casino Brawl and the love triangle as things that really set our reign apart from anyone else's, because despite the lack of competition when we held them we still tried to do something interesting with the belts; and judging by nominations for feud of the year, I think we may have succeeded.

MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE MATCH TITLE VERSUS CAREER Toxxic© vs Mike Van Siclen -> Push, obviously, but there's no way in hell I'm going down without a fight. DUMPSTER MATCH ICTV TITLE BOUT "The Icon" Max King© vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix -> King needs a win to secure a strong reign for himself. Him. TRIPLE THREAT Andrea Montgomery vs Johnny Dangerous vs Ace Lezaire -> Hmm... we'll go with the wild card (ah HA) Ace. TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH Revolution 0© vs David Cross & Christian Fury -> Cross/Fury is an interesting tandem, and I think they have potential here. Still, Rev-0 has more experience, so them. SINGLES MATCH Evan Wolfe vs rKade -> rKade, because we know he'll actually write SINGLES MATCH Uncle Filthy vs Carnage -> Uncle Filthy, if there is a God.

The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF Smarkdown, Monday, October 4, 2004! LIVE from the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California! (6:00 PM PCT, 9:00 PM EST; check local listings) So the card's up late, but that means that you guys get an extra hour to write! Coming off a triple no-show, at least one double no-show, and a rushed match that I was a part of, let's see if that makes things better, shall we? But don't let the plethora of no-showing get you confused; Lockdown was a show of big happenings, with Austin Sly becoming the new Cruiserweight #1 contender, Christian Fury becoming the HCG #1 contender, and Uncle Filthy winning a match! Oh, and don't forget that main event angle... what will Smarkdown bring? Send everything to: realitycheck Opening Promo: "The Icon" Max King MAIN EVENT CAPTAIN FALL TAG MATCH Revolution Zero (Toxxic © and "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins) and "The Icon" Max King v. Andrea Montgomery © and Hollywood Boulevard (Mike Van Siclen and "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez) -> Yeah, so TNT said I should book this match, before anybody thinks I'm trying to play favorites here. Davis is preoccupied with a Hardcore title defence later tonight, and as a result the new ICTV Champion Max King will be joining forces with the other two Revolution Zero members to take on Hollywood Boulevard and... Andrea Montgomery? Shouldn't she be pissed at Mike Van Siclen over his actions on Lockdown? Well, she's been guaranteed a rematch by Toxxic. Will that mend the burned bridge between her and Mike Van Siclen long enough for the faces to score the duke? Rules: The first team to pin the other team's captain wins the match. If another member of the other team is pinned, they must leave the match, but the match does not end until the captain is pinned. In case you can't figure it out, the heel captain is Toxxic; face captain is Andrea Montgomery. Marker: Grand Slam Word Limit: 7000 USJL TITLE MATCH David Cross© v. Danny Dagda -> So what, you ask, has Dagda done to deserve a USJL title shot? Absolutely nothing. However, sometimes emergency matches have to be made because people forget to give other people who don't have CC board access the roster. Because these people are idiots. But regardless! David Cross is a champion, and as such, eager to defend his title against all comers... unless he's a slimy Memphis champion who's trying to get out of defenses. Which I'm pretty sure he's not. I dunno; I haven't been paying a whole lot of attention lately, sorry. Rules: Standard singles rules. Marker: Suicide King Word Limit: 5500 CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH Ryan Dustin © v. Austin Sly -> Dustin no-showed in his bid to become USJL #1 contender last show. Not cool. As a result, the new #1 contender to Dustin's Cruiserweight title, Austin Sly, will get his shot at Dustin right away. Dustin impressed many people with his win at Genesis V, but is it possible he's just a one-hit wonder? Rules: Standard Cruiserweight rules. Marker: realitycheck Word Limit: 5000 SINGLES MATCH Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix v. Stryke -> Stryke was the victim of a HUGE upset on Lockdown, falling victim to Uncle Filthy. Meanwhile, Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix had a victory stolen from him on Lockdown by Max King, and in the process had the ICTV Title taken from him as well. So naturally, since both got upset last show they'll face each other this show. Let's put it this way; after tonight, one of them will be very upset. Ah ha. Rules: Standard singles rules. Marker: chirs3 Word Limit: 4000 HARDCORE TITLE MATCH Sean Davis © v. Christian Fury -> This is why Sean Davis' name isn't up top. CC was so impressed with Davis' victory over Sly at Genesis that they're going to throw the newly christened (ha ha) Hardcore #1 contender, Christian Fury, at him right away. Fury didn't appear to have any rust on Lockdown, but in his second match back can he stand up to the imposing Rev-0 bruiser? Rules: None. Marker: Thoth Word Limit: 4500 USJL TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH Uncle Filthy v. Evan Wolfe -> Everybody's favorite wrestler, Uncle Filthy, picked up a huge win over former ICTV Champion Stryke on Lockdown. God knows I was impressed, and CC felt much the same way. As a result of Filthy's victory, and to a lesser extent the three guys in the last #1 contenders' match no-showing, he finds himself in line for a USJL Title shot. Standing in his way? Newcomer Evan Wolfe, who would absolutely hate to be the bearer of bad news for Filthy. See, I read the stats page... Rules: Standard singles rules. Marker: Suicide King Word Limit: 4000 NEW GUY MATCH "Blind" Ryan Klein v. Carnage -> Stepping up to the plate for blind people everywhere is "Blind" Ryan Klein. He seems like an intelligent enough individual, but can he use those smarts to steal a win from fellow newcomer Carnage? Rules: Standard singles rules. Marker: chirs3 Word Limit: 3500