Chuck Woolery

Hinging on what a certain other tag team is doing, there may (likely) be an opening for a tag defence. Zack and I were kicking around ideas for a lighter match in the vein of Casino Brawl and American Gladiators (read: the only memorable things I've done), and we've come up with one, so if any teams want a shot at the tag belts... well, we're wide open. This, of course, hinging on what a certain other tag team is doing. Zed, you probably know who I'm talking about, so if you could PM me your intentions (since they didn't know last I checked), that'd be ginger.

So back in the early days of the SJL, before the Smartmarks, back in the days of the IGNJL, I ran a tag team with a dude named Kojack. We were called the American Wild Side. And we kicked ass, aside from the fact that I had to carry his ass and make it grammatically correct and coherent and, generally, not suck every time we wrote a match together. It got old fast, but I was so loyal to the guy that I never stopped teaming with him, despite the fact that I would've had a nice mini-feud with a rising star named Erek Taylor if I did. Sounds a bit like a certain tag team in the SWF right now, eh Zack? Anyway, excellent show. A sweet internal storyline for the show, combined with progression on other storylines, plus a promo from me which raises this show from a B+ to an A. That's how we roll, bitches. CREDITS NY Untouchable Chuck Woolery Nice Guy Adam Phoenix Fury Legdrop Zack Malibu Crystal Patty O'Green Mystery Eskimo Rob E Dangerously The Mad Cappa LaParkaYourCar And, of course, take a walk on the wild side when the OAOAST brings to you... HeldDown: Australia Take a walk on the wild side... September 16 Bloody Oath.

Last time, on HELDDOWN... "GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL!" screams Calvin Szechstein. "That bitch is MINE!" Zack Malibu yells. "What's a muse, anyway?" asks a curious Alix. "I'M NOT GONNA LOSE HER!" screams Dr. Steven Pigley. "Yo." says Johnny "Jam" Jackson. "You know, she's really not that hot, Coach," chides Michael Cole. Hoff turns around and Sly takes him down by the arm! Sly hooks Hoff's arm in between his legs before locking in the cravate and completing the Cravateface! Hoff screams in pain but won't tap. So, Sly plants his feet firmly on the mat and bridges back to crank even more...and HOFF TAPS! *DING**DING* BUFFER Your winner, and NEW number one contender to the OAOAST champion... SLY SOMMERS! What happens now? All these questions and more will be answered, on tonight's edition of... OAOAST HeldDOWN~! We fade in on the gorgeous Jackie Gayda, who will explain her position because I don't want to give anything away. JACKIE Hey guys! I’m standing here with Sly Sommers, the official number one contender for the OAOAST World Title, currently held by Crystal. So Sly, your title match is tonight. Is being in the ring with a friend change anything? SLY Actually, it….AHHH! Drek Stone attacks Sly from behind, with a lead pipe to the knee! Ignoring Jackie’s yelp of surprise and Sly’s pained yell, Drek continues hitting Sly’s knee with the lead pipe. JACKIE Somebody help! DREK Shut your hole, bitch! Drek shoves Jackie out of the way and continues to be relentless on his attack of Sly’s knee. Sly tries to push him off, but without much success. FINALLY the officials swarm around and drag Drek off Sly, who’s clutching his knee and screaming in pain. DREK Let’s see you wrestle in that title match now, chump! The EMTs check on Sly as the officials drag out Drek from the scene as we fade to commercial...

COLE Now it’s time for our OAOAST Heavyweight Title match of the evening. This next match was made earlier tonight when Drek attacked Sly, ruining the Crystal vs. Sly match tonight for the World Title. It wasn’t suppose to be for the title, because the Board of Directors didn’t want to reward Drek for his attack. COACH: But Drek goaded my girl into making this a title match. Not one to back down, Crystal obliged. CABOOSE Because of that, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to see a NEW World Champion tonight! Woke Up This Morning Got Yourself A Gun Mama Always Said You’d Be The Chosen One “Hailing from Brooklyn, New York, weighing in at 235 lbs, DREK STONE!” ::Drek Stone makes his way down, occasionally stopping to pose for his “fans”, smirking the whole way. He gets in the ring and pounds his chest, while the fireworks explode from all four corners. He leans against the ropes casually, waiting for Crystal.:: CUE: “Set it Off” by Audioslave “Hailing from Coquitlam, British Columbia, weighing at 150 pounds, The WORLD Champion, CRYSTAL!” ::Crystal emerges from the smoke and walks to the ring with her belt displayed on her waist. She slaps hands as she makes her way, occasionally pointing at “Crystal” signs. She gets in the ring and poses on the second turnbuckle, pointing to her belt. She turns around and glares at Drek, who’s still smiling, while the ref gives some last minute instructions. COACH He better wipe that smile off his face, or Crystal will! DING! DING! DING! Crystal attacks Drek and grabs him by the hair and yanks him to the mat! Drek stumbles up only to get met with Crystal’s flying forearm! Drek slowly gets to one knee, and Crystal gives him a quick dropkick! She quickly goes for the pin 1! Kickout. Drek sits up and Crystal gives a hard kick to the back. She then runs the ropes and does a neck snap on the still sitting Drek. Coming off the opposite ropes, she dropkicks Drek, his face now! COLE Crystal is on fire! CABOOSE It’ll be distinguished. As Drek struggles to get up, Crystal stays behind, out of view from Drek, and clips him from behind, taking out his right knee! Crystal picks up his leg, and slams the knee to the mat! She stomps at it repeatingly until Drek is screaming in pain! He rolls out of the ring to get out of harms way. Crystal follows, but is met with a poke in the eye! Drek goes to whip Crystal into the stairs, but she reverses and Drek crashes into them, knee first! COACH Drek is getting a little taste of his own medicine! COLE Well, without the led pipe at least. The ref makes Crystal back off. Drek limps in the ring, but Crystal trips him up in the corner, with the post between his legs. She takes his right leg, and swings it, smashing his knee to the post! She does it again, with Drek screaming. She gets back inside, and goes back to the corner. Crystal drags Drek up. She kicks him in the stomach once, and mounts the second rope, signaling for the ten-punch! “1!” “2!” “3!” “4!” “5!” “6!” “7!” At 7, Drek pushes her off. Crystal rolls back on her front and gets up, only to be met with a clothesline! Crystal slowing gets up, and is met with a northern lights suplex! 1! 2! Kickout! Crystal gets on all fours to try to get up, but Drek thinks differently. He measures her up, and drapes his left leg on the back of Crystal’s head. COLE Smart of Drek not to use his bad leg. CABOOSE Hey, Drek’s a thinking man’s wrestler. Drek roughly picks up Crystal, who’s holding the back of her head. He slaps the back of her head while taunting her. She grabs her head in anger, and turns around, slapping the hell out f him! She nails him with a couple of forearms and jumps. She has the hurricanrana set up, but Drek counters with the running powerbomb! COACH Ouch! 1! 2! Kickout! Drek picks up Crystal, who’s holding the back of her head. He slaps her hard, and goes down like a ton of bricks! He soaks in the jeers of the crowd, smiling his smug smile. “Drek sucks! Drek sucks! Drek sucks!” CABOOSE Hey! He does NOT suck! Drek just yells some obcene comments to the crowd, saying in not-so-polite terms that no, he indeed does not suck. Drek turns his attention back to Crystal and goes to pick her up, but Crystal rolls him up! 1! 2! Kickout! They both get up and Drek goes for a clothesline, but Crystal blocks and goes for a German suplex! Drek blocks THAT and reverses! But Crystal blocks as well, and slips out of Drek’s grip and rolls him up! He kicks out at 2. Both are up in a flash and trade forearms. Drek’s size advantage comes in handy here, and he gets the upperhand. With Crystal staggering and woozy, Drek goes behind her and sets up for The Recker, hooking her arms! Crystal scrambles and runs backwards, ramming Drek into the turnbuckle. He lets go and stumbles forward. Crystal quickly gives a dropkick to his right knee! COLE Crystal, going back to the knee. CABOOSE Why thank you Einstein. Drek uses the corner to stand back on his feet. Almost immediately, Crystal pulls him away from the turnbuckle by his right leg, forcing him to hobble towards the center of the ring on one foot. She quickly gives him a vicious dragonscrew legwhip to the mat. Drek howls in pain, as Crystal lifts his legs up and crosses them against each other. COLE The Crystalling! The Heavyweight Champion is ready to end this already! CABOOSE No! Come on, Drek! You can fight your way out of this! The fans insantly start screaming as Drek wildly contorts his body, doing his best to make sure Crystal can’t lock the move in. With a burst of adrenaline, he suddenly uses his arms to sprint towards the ropes and grab the bottom one. CABOOSE See! How impressive! He knew exactly where he was in that ring! COLE It’s a good thing he did. We were seconds away from ending way too early tonight. COACH It wouldn’t have been a big loss. Who doesn’t love those Sour Starburst commercials? CABOOSE Me. COLE Yeah, I’d have to agree. Crystal immediately breaks her attempt at the hold, and tries to drag Drek back into the center of the ring. Using his stronger left leg, he sends Crystal nearly halfway across the ring with a nasty kick, then pulls his way back to his feet with the ropes as a means of support. Crystal stomps back towards him, clearly not wanting to let up on this attack. But Drek, sensing what’s coming, gives her a vicious European Uppercut once she gets close enough. Crystal staggers back somewhat surprised, holding her jaw. She suddenly lunges forward at Drek, who sidesteps the attack at the last moment. As she gets near the ropes, Drek grabs her by the back of the head and pushes her over the top rope. Unfortunately, on the way down, Crystal’s head gets stuck between the top and the middle ropes. The crowd gasps as Crystal suddenly finds herself getting hung in between the ropes. “BOOOOOOOO!” COLE Uh-oh! COACH Somebody get her out of there! Crystal starts to flail her legs, hoping that some sort of momentum will be able to free her from her predicament. Drek, with a smile on his face, walks towards Crystal, ignoring the referee’s screams for him to walk away. With a sadistic grin, Drek limps towards the turnbuckle and lifts himself up onto the middle turnbuckle. Meanwhile, Crystal’s face is starting to turn a dark shade of red. “GET HER OUT!” “GET HER OUT!” The referee struggles to untangle the ropes, but they’re still tightly stranded together. However, since the ref is so focused on getting Crystal out of the ring ropes, he hardly even notices Drek bracing himself to jump off the middle rope. Finally, he does…..and drops a HARD elbow right across the unprotected forehead of Crystal! The force of the move sends her head through the ropes, allowing her to fall onto the arena floor. Meanwhile, Drek sits up in the ring with a wide smile across his face. COLE That is SICK! CABOOSE What’s sick?! He just helped your Heavyweight Champion get out of a situation that could have been DEADLY! The man is a hero! A wild chant starts to break out in the arena as Drek calmly stares at his opponent lying outside the ring. “DREK STONE SUCKS!” “DREK STONE SUCKS!” “DREK STONE SUCKS!” Outside the ring, Crystal does her best to suck in as many deep breaths as she can, looking to get back the oxygen she was just deprived of. She slowly begins to stand back up, looking to shake away the cobwebs in her head. But Drek, seeing that Crystal is looking to get up, walks towards the nearby ropes and waits for her to fully stand. Once she does, Drek uses the strength in his left leg to jump over the top rope…..AND HIT CRYSTAL WITH A PLANCHA! Once both competitors hit the ground, Drek quickly rolls on top of Crystal’s chest and begins to strike her with nasty fists to the face. CABOOSE Am I the only one that saw this coming? Crystal has finally opened up Drek’s eyes in this match - and now she stands no chance! ONE! TWO! COACH I hope you don’t believe that. My girl had him reeling before, and I guarantee she’ll be able to do it again. THREE! CABOOSE Oh, be serious! This isn’t Sly Sommers. This is DREK STONE! This is the former Italian Champion of the world! One of the greatest athletes I have ever seen! And right now, he is teaching Crystal a lesson that she needs to learn! FOUR! Once Drek rolls off Crystal’s body, he yanks her off the mat by her hair. She starts an attempt to fight back, scoring several impressive punches to the midsection. But Drek quickly rears back and smacks her with a brutal thrust right across the throat. FIVE! SIX! Still sore from hanging before, Crystal quickly grabs her neck, trying to soothe the shooting pains that are starting to run through. Drek takes this opportunity to grab Crystal by her hair, run her towards the announcing booth, and send her sailing OVER THE TABLE AND INTO THE ANNOUNCERS! The referee immediately stops his count and starts yelling at Drek to get back in the ring, COACH Oh my god! Crystal, are you okay?! Coach gets out of his chair to check on Crystal’s condition. CABOOSE Coach, I don’t think fondling her breasts is the kind of help that Crystal needs right now. Meanwhile, Drek rolls into the ring to please the referee and erase the countout. However, he instantly rolls back out and heads towards Crystal, who’s slowly trying to help herself out of a mess of cables and wires. On the opposite side of the table, Drek starts to taunt Crystal, daring her to get back up. DREK Come on, little girl. Crystal manages to get the last wire untangled from her feet. DREK Little girl, it’s time to get back up. You have no idea of the trouble you got yourself into tonight. It’s a shame, really. Crystal slowly gets onto her knees, clearly woozy from the damage she just suffered. DREK You were looking so nice with that championship belt. But it’s time you give it up. It’s time you hand that title over to SOMEONE WHO DESERVES IT! IT’S BEEN SAID BEFORE, CRYSTAL! She finally gets back to her feet, but Drek is much more interested in taunting her than seizing the advantage again. DREK YOU ARE A NOBODY! A PATHETIC PIECE OF WASTE THAT’S SLOWLY RUINING THE OAOAST ONE DAY AT A TIME. WELL, I’M HERE TO FIX THIS PROBLEM. I’M HERE… Suddenly, Crystal takes a running start and leaps over the announcing table, tackling Drek to the ground! The fans break out into a wild chorus of cheers as Crystal starts to pound Stone with a nasty series of lefts and rights. Drek violently shoves Crystal off his chest and scrambles to his feet. He rolls back into the ring, and Crystal immediately follows him. Drek gets back to his feet first, and waits for Crystal to do the same. As soon as she does, he runs towards her and tries to hit a clothesline. Crystal, sensing that the move was coming, ducks it and allows Drek to bounce chest-first into the ropes. The momentum propels him back into Crystal, who hooks him……and brings him down with a belly-to-back suplex! Right after the suplex, she executes a bridge, and the referee drops to make the count. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Drek uses the power in his legs to kick out of the suplex. COLE And slowly, but surely, it looks like Crystal is beginning to get herself back into this thing. Drek struggles to stand back up as quick as he can, but Crystal is just that much quicker. She bounces off the ropes and brings Drek back down to the mat with a chop block to the right leg. COACH And Crystal’s going right back to the leg! You think Drek’s a good strategist? You ever see this woman at work? CABOOSE I’ve heard a lot of people have….. COACH YOU……YOU…….YOU defiled my lady’s honor. I should challenge you to a duel RIGHT NOW! COLE Now, now, no duels. Not tonight anyway. Drek rolls on the mat for a second, before using the middle rope to try to get himself back to his feet. But Crystal immediately slips behind him, grabs his right knee, and lifts him high up in the air. Drek does his best to struggle out of the move, but Crystal isn’t having it. She drops Drek’s knee……right across her own! COLE What a knee breaker! Immediately after the move, Drek screams out in pain, wildly clutching at his right leg. He begins to flex the knee, hoping to get some feeling back into it. COACH That kind of move just shows you the strength that Crystal has. Beauty, brains, and brawn…..what more could you want in a Heavyweight Champion? CABOOSE No. We had all that with Zack Malibu. I have no idea what we have now… Crystal begins to yell at Drek to get back onto his feet. Obviously scouting him for another move, she smiles as he mightily struggles to put some weight back onto his right knee. After a few moments of wincing, Drek manages to gingerly get back into a standing position. CABOOSE Look at this. She doesn’t even give Drek a chance to stand up. What kind of respectable superstar is this?! Crystal runs towards Drek, with bad intentions racing in her mind. She extends her arm and surges forward, looking ready to hit a brutal clothesline. At the last second, Drek manages to sidestep it and hook Crystal’s arm behind her back. He locks the other arm, holds her in a full nelson position…… …..AND HITS HER WITH A DRAGON SUPLEX!! COLE THE RECKER! THE RECKER! CABOOSE NOBODY HAS EVER KICKED OUT OF THIS! ONE…… COACH KICK OUT! TWO…….. CABOOSE NEW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! I KNEW IT!!!! THREE!!!! NO!! At the last second, Crystal managed to wrap her legs around the ring ropes!! COLE Crystal got her feet on the ropes! This match continued! CABOOSE Damnit! Who came up with this ridiculous ring rope rule anyway?! COACH My baby knew EXACTLY where she was. Drek put her too close to the ring ropes with the Recker, and she took advantage! The crowd goes crazy as the referee boldly holds out two fingers to signify that, indeed, the match is not over yet. Drek, right after releasing the hold, shoots an accusing glare at the referee. He then looks at a pretty much lifeless Crystal, and rises right back to his feet. He then….. …..drops one elbow drop across the back of Crystal’s head. He gets back up and….. …..drops another elbow drop on Crystal’s head. With a scowl, he stands up again, and….. …..drops his left knee across the back of Crystal’s neck! Crystal starts kicking her legs in pain, as Drek turns her over to make the count. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Once again, Crystal manages to get out of her pinning predicament. Drek, with a mixture of shock and anger starting to etch its way across his face, stares at Crystal with complete and utter distaste. Still nursing his right leg, he stubbornly pushes his way back up to his feet. He hobbles over to a nearby turnbuckle and, after a few seconds, manages to untie one of the turnbuckle pads. COLE Oh, there’s no reason for this! Looking at the crowd with an unmeasured amount of intensity in his eyes, Drek slashes his thumb against his throat, signifying that the end is near. CABOOSE This is it, men. This is the culmination of something we have been waiting more than five months to see! Drek Stone is now about to become the OAOAST Heavyweight Champion! COLE Crystal still looks woozy. Caboose, I may have to agree. Her title reign could be in serious jeopardy here. Drek slowly pries Crystal off the mat, proudly absorbing an impressive amount of boos in return. He puts her head between his legs and crosses her arms over her lower chest. The jeers in the building manage to get even louder, with everyone realizing what Drek is about to do. COACH No way. He couldn’t be thinking…. COLE He’s about to hit Crystal with the Slyledriver! With Crystal relatively helpless in the move, Drek uses this opportunity to loudly whisper into her ear. DREK You wanted to face Sly tonight? This is what you wanted? Well, here we go. I’m about to win YOUR championship with your best friend’s move. Drek braces himself, getting ready to lift Crystal over his head. DREK Except everyone knows I’m better than you two assholes could ever hope to be. Drek finally picks Crystal up and holds her over his head. The fans start buzzing, realizing that Drek is only seconds away from dropping Crystal on her head. But suddenly, with an extraordinary bout of strength, Crystal manages to separate the arm cross, causing Drek to stagger a little off-balance. She plants her feet back on the ground, grabs Drek by his right arm, and starts struggling to bring him down to the mat. CABOOSE What the hell is this? Is she actually trying to go for the Cravateface now? COLE Drek tried to steal her friend’s finishing move before. Now, she wants to show him how it’s done. CABOOSE Ugh……even when we get rid of Sly, we can’t quite get rid of him. Drek falls to his knees and begins vibrating his right arm, hoping to break out of the hold. Crystal adds more weight to the move, and Drek starts to sink lower to the mat! “CRYSTAL!” “CRYSTAL!” COACH She’s inches away from locking Drek Stone in the Cravateface! Suddenly, Drek drops to both knees and somersaults out of the move, breaking Crystal’s tight grasp on his right arm. He rolls back up to his feet, just in time to see Crystal running full-speed at him. She jumps up to hit a huricarana…….but like before, the move fails once again. Drek manages to stop the momentum and hold her up in a power bomb position. He then flips Crystal out of the move, sending her back in front of him and on her feet. He gives her a hard kick to the stomach and puts her head underneath his arm. The fans gasp, noticing that Crystal is now in a perfect position for the StoneCutter. CABOOSE Here we go! COLE If Drek Stone hits this, we have a new Heavyweight Champion. COACH Don’t say that! Don’t you dare say that! DREK LIFTS CRYSTAL UP FOR THE STONECUTTER….. …..BUT SHE USES HER WEIGHT TO STOP THE MOVE AND LAND BACK ON HER FEET! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Crystal suddenly sweeps Drek’s legs out from underneath him and crosses them, looking to lock him into the Crystalling once again. Drek starts flailing his body around, trying to make sure that she doesn’t get the opportunity. Crystal, realizing that this could be impossible with all the energy he has, stops trying to turn him over. She separates his legs, holds them out separately, and falls back with a slingshot suplex….. …..INTO THE EXPOSED STEEL! The fans explode as Drek’s forehead hits the metal turnbuckle! Seriously stunned, Drek dizzily staggers back, right into a waiting Crystal. She pulls his legs out from underneath him again, crosses them over….. AND LOCKS HIM INTO THE CRYSTALLING! CABOOSE NO!!!! COACH YES!!! CRYSTAL HAS HIM TRAPPED!! The fans start screaming as Drek begins to reach for the ropes, desperate to grab anything that could help him. COLE Don’t forget! Crystal has been working on his knee the entire match! CABOOSE This is Drek Stone! Don’t you forget it! He has the willpower of ten men - he can survive this! Drek begins to wildly pull at his hair as Crystal really starts to rear back on the hold. Drek lets out a loud scream of anguish. His right knee clearly can’t take much more pressure. COACH Crystal is really cinching this hold in! His knee can pop at any second! Once again, Drek tries to reach for a rope, but it’s no use. He even tries to reach for the referee to get some kind of advantage, but there’s just nothing there to help him. “TAP!” “TAP!” “TAP!” Crystal pulls back on the hold even tighter, to the point where Drek’s body is starting to bend at an improbable angle. COACH HE’S GONNA TAP! CABOOSE NO, HE’S NOT! DREK CAN GET OUT OF THIS! With pain starting to rack every fiber in his body, Drek lifts his arm off the mat. He’s powerless to stop his own body from vibrating violently! His arm hovers over the mat….. ……AND HE TAPS OUT!! *DING! DING! DING!* COACH YES! YES! SHE DID IT! CABOOSE I can’t believe this! This is disgusting! “Set It Off” by Audioslave blasts over the loudspeakers as the referee hands Crystal the OAOAST Heavyweight Title to a massive reaction. She slowly raises the title up to the crowd, who loudly chant her name so those across the world can hear it. “CRYSTAL!” “CRYSTAL!” COACH The first title defense is always the toughest. And she got it! My girl CONTINUES to be the Heavyweight Champion of the world! COLE Is there anything this woman can’t do? CABOOSE I’m sure there is. Someone will get that title off of her. Whether it be Zack Malibu, Calvin Szechstein, Drek Stone…..this is NOT going to stay. It CAN’T stay! The camera focuses in on Drek Stone, who rolls out of the ring and gingerly tries to put weight on his right knee. He starts to hobble out of the ring, but then turns his attention back to Crystal. However, she’s still too absorbed in her celebration to really notice his deep stares. CABOOSE Nothing to be ashamed of, Drek. I’m sure you’ll get the title off that wicked witch in no time. COACH Be pessimistic all you want. She holds the Heavyweight Title NOW - and she will continue to do it. COLE Folks, thank you for joining us here tonight! And make sure to watch next week! The beginning of the Road to the Elimination Chamber! The X-Title is on the line! The Tag Team Titles! The Dream Tag Team match with Axel and Zack! COACH And Crystal will be trying to defend her Heavyweight Title against Sly Sommers. Will she continue her streak as the hardest-working champion in the business? CABOOSE And don’t forget, guys…..Drek Stone will be making an appearance next week too! COLE How could we forget that? Folks, HeldDown in Australia is looking to be one of the biggest shows of the year. Do not miss it! The camera slowly fades to black as we watch Crystal stand on the middle turnbuckle, proudly holding her title up for her adoring fans. HeldDown: Australia Take a walk on the wild side...

Cue: "Quiet" Black smoke! White pyro! And "IceHeart" Dan Black, T.Bod and Jivin' Jim Ross walk down to the ring. This is BLACK T. COLE Aw, we have to listen to these guys talk? Can't we just watch JR dance? CABOOSE You want to see a fat man dance? COLE Yeah! Like my poppa used to! CABOOSE I'm not going to touch that. COLE That's what he said! Dan and T have a mic each. JR attempts a Jivearoonie, but falls flat on his face. BLACK Last week, as I'm sure you all remember, I gave a chance to two men. Two men who need to be aware of what they're getting themselves into. Poet-Cone-whatever you call yourself, and El Dandy. Los Infernales. It's time to come out here and apologise to Black T for your attack at Angleslam. Dan lowers the mic and waits. Nothing. Dan and T look at each other, while JR plays with a ball of wool. COACH I don't think Los Infernales are listening. Hey, that wool looks kinda cool... T.BOD You're only making this worse for yourselves. We're being very reasonable. Black T has connections. Y'know, Dan, Poet's wife, Black Widow, was on the show last week. Perhaps we should pay her a little visit? Dan is about to reply, when a huge cheers erupts from the fans! LOS INFERNALES come out of the crowd from nowhere, and jump into the ring! DAN At last. Are you ready to deliver your apol-arghh! Dan eats a forearm to the face from El Dandy, as SpiderPoet peppers T.Bod with punches! Stereo dropkicks send Black T tumbling over the top rope out of the ring! Los Infernales have the mics! POET Dan-Tony- you'll get your apologies about the same time your manager gets laid. JR looks up from his wool, see the Infernales, and tries to roll out of the ring. Unfortunately, his large belly means he's too fat to get under the bottom rope, so he just lies there, beached. Dan rushes round to pull him out of the ring, red faced. POET We've not been active competitors in some time, but we've been watching the OAOAST. We've been watching you, Black T, you and the Inten5e. Stephen Joseph can play games with us, put us in his little match next week, but we still have time for you guys. DANDY The OAOAST needs a little cleaning up. We figure Black T, a team so desperate for success they hire....this- Dandy points to the gasping JR, who is nevertheless trying to boogie. DANDY -is a good place to start. Any time you're ready, gentlemen. Dan and T.Bod look at each other, itching to get into the ring. But Black T are all about mind games. They break into big smiles, slowly backing away from the ring. COLE Black T cowardly as ever! CABOOSE Or just waiting for the right time to strike. Los Infernales just made themselves some very dangerous enemies. If they think they can just jump into the tag division and take Black T's spot, they need to think again. COACH If these teams ever hook up, we're going to see one helll of a match.

The house lights go out and Bully by Eminem plays. Sean Bryant steps out from the sliding entrance doors and is not met warmly by the jam packed Fleet Center. The ten thousand dollar man, rubs some dollar bills between his fingers then tosses them carelessly into the air! COLE The Bryants picked up a big victory in the ten thousand dollar challenge at our last pay per view. But because Sean won the match by cheating, the OAOAST board has forced him to put five thousand dollars on the line tonight against his ex friend, Nate Tether! COACH If he wins does he get five thousand dollars? COLE No. I don’t think so. Bryant walks down the entrance ramp tossing money at the fans in the front row. They’re all elated to get free cash until they discover the money Sean is tossing out is monopoly money. BUFFER Now making his way to the ring from Windsor, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at one hundred and thirty-six pounds, the ten thousand dollar man...SEAN BRYAAAAANT! CABOOSE Both Alex Bryant and Mikey Tether have been banned from ringside. Mikey couldn’t be here if he wanted because he’s still hurt from that tiger driver to the outside Sean gave him at AngleSlam. If you ask me Mikey and Nate deserve all the beatings the Bryants can give them! Ungrateful tools! BUFFER And his opponent...already in the ring...he is one half of the death defying Tether Brothers tag team....NATE TETHEEEEER!! Sean slides into the ring and puts on a break dancing display. The show is meant to taunt Nate, rather then impress anybody in the audience. It works as Nate storms over to get into Sean’s face! But referee Charles Robinson blocks Nate off. He pats Nate down for illegal objects, then does the same for Sean. Once he determines that they’re clean he calls for the opening bell. *DING DING DING* Nate goes for a front kick, but Sean catches his boot! That doesn’t deter the Tether brother as he tries to deliver an enziguri to the back of Sean’s head! Sean ducks and Nate misses completely. Not a problem. Nate takes the boot he missed with and nails Sean in the chest with a flipping back kick! Sean tumbles back into the ropes and his arms get tangled on the top one! His problems continue to mount as Nate pounds on him with a barrage of knife edge chops. Now, Sean has to untangle himself from the ropes and stop Nate’s chops! Both problems are quickly solved, although Sean may find the solution much worse! Nate pulls him off the ropes and grabs him into a 3/4 facelock, he kicks out Sean’s right leg and drops the OAOAST’s youngest competitor face first to the mat! COACH Smoking hot move! Eh,boo-boo. CABOOSE Sure Yogi. Nate brings Sean to his feet, but not before smacking him in the throat with an elbow. He goes to whip him into the ropes, but Sean reverses it! He bends over, thinking he can take Nate out with a back body drop. Think again, mon ami! Nate uses Sean’s back as a launching plan and back flips over him! That might have been a good idea if Sean hadn’t popped up immediately and leg sweeped Nate to the ground! Sean works over Nate with multiple stomps to the stomach! He then drops down to his knees and tries to choke his old partner to death! Not eager to be a witness to a murder, Charles Robinson quickly pulls Sean off of Nate. “TAKE SOME STEROIDS! TAKE SOME STEROIDS!” The crowd chants at Sean Bryant. CABOOSE What the hell are these people saying that for? COLE Well, Sean Bryant weighs only around 130. That’s kind of small. Even for an X division wrestler. Sean shuts the crowd up by hitting Nate with an incredibly impressive standing 450 splash! A few fans who were screaming the derogatory chant, start up a “Holy Shit” one instead. Sean then hits a spinning leg drop, driving the back of his leg onto Nate’s neck! COACH Every time Sean Bryant is out here we can expect to be amazed! Sean drags Nate to the corner, then slams him back first into the turnbuckle! Nate lets out a yell that brings a ten thousand dollar smile to Sean’s face. The Windsor native climbs to the second turnbuckle and begins to punch Nate in the top of the head! Nate tries to cover up, but Sean angrily shoves his defending hand away! The crowd counts along with Sean’s punches “1...2...3...4...5...6....” Nate grabs a hold of Sean’s skinny as twigs legs and steps forward just a tad. He drops his body down and in the process causes Sean to fall into the turnbuckle! Sean’s gets his hand up in front of his face just in the nick of time and prevents the counter from doing maximum damage. Nate turns to Charles Robinson then back to Sean and starts to slowly nod. Whatever he’s got cooking, Charles Robinson doesn’t want to smell it and starts to back away! He’s not nearly quick enough as Nate leaps onto his chest and flips off with a moonsault press onto Sean’s mid-section! CABOOSE He stole that from Sean! Sean used that move against Rick Edwards at LTP! Nate lands in a pinning situation, and as much as he’s loathe to count it, Charles Robinson has no choice but to do so! 1 2 KICK OUT! Sean’s kick out draws the ire of the crowd. Nate picks him up and hits him with a spinning snap suplex! He floats over for a pin! 1 2 KICK OUT! Nate looks at Robinson miffed over not getting a three. He runs the ropes and right as Sean gets up Nate leaps onto his upper body for a head scissors! BUT Sean counters the high flying move with a stupendous tilt a whirl DDT! Sean stands up to soak in the non existent love and respect from the Boston faithful. After he’s done basking in his own glory, he goes back to work on Nate. Nate gets off the mat groggy from the DDT. Sean jumps onto his shoulders and puts him right back on the canvas with an inverted hurricanrana! Once again, Sean poses for the crowd who have no shortage of negative adjectives to shout at him! Nate stands up much quicker then Sean Bryant would’ve liked, so Sean hits him with a dropkick to the shin! Nate’s legs buckle underneath him and he drops to a knee! Sean backs up a few inches, then charges forward and SMOKES Nate with a shining wizard! Nate holds his head as the pain from the shining wizard rapidly sets in. CABOOSE Sean Bryant just tore Nate apart with that kick! Sean picks Nate off the mat and fires four quick forearm shots onto Nate’s face! Nate responds with an angry forearm of his own to Sean’s upper chest! Appalled that Nate would even think of fighting back, Sean tags him with a flipping heel kick! Sean uses his superior agility to land on his feet but Nate tumbles back into the ropes! He staggers forward and finds himself locked into a side headlock! POW! Nate hammers Sean in the gut with a hard fist! Sean’s tiny body can’t seem to handle the strike and he instantly breaks the hold. Nate starts to catch his breath, while Sean loses his. Nate grabs a hold of both of Sean’s wrist then flips him backwards for a wristlock suplex pin! 1 2 KICK OUT! “THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE!” Nate agrees with the audience but says not a word of protest to Charles Robinson. He keeps his attention totally focused on Sean Bryant. Sean slowly rises to his feet as Nate seizes him up. The second Sean stands upright, Nate charges at him with a spear! COUNTERED into a guillotine choke by Sean Bryant! Both men fall to the mat, but its Sean who holds absolute control of both their fates. CABOOSE We don’t often see Sean Bryant take to the mat with a submission hold, but Nate Tether knows his moveset so well that Sean Bryant had to mix it up. Nate reaches for the ropes, but he’s smack dab in the center of the ring! Charles Robinson checks to see if Nate wants to tap out. Nate responds with a grunt in the negative. Sean continues to apply pressure to the hold and Nate’s defiant grunts quickly turn to agonized groans. Nate tries in vain to escape the move, but realizing that there’s no way out, he finally admits defeat and taps out! *DING DING DING DING* BUFFER Your winner.....SEAN BRYANT! The audience jeers Bryant mercilessly. But he doesn’t care. He exits the ring and walks up the ramp, triumphantly pumping his fist into the air. He’s all smiles over having kept his share of the ten thousand dollar prize money and defeating his old partner in crime for a second time. COLE Tough break for Nate Tether. CABOOSE Tough break? This was a predictable outcome! And Bryant did it fair and square. In the middle of that ring he got Nate Tether to tap out! No cheating. No holding the ropes. Just a good tap out. He took a page out of Alex’s book and he got a victory. That cocky ungrateful punk, Nate pinned Sean three times and each time Sean kicked out. Its as simple as that. The Tethers are not as good as the Bryants and never will be. You know it and I know it. Without Sean to lead them, the Bryants will go no where. NEXT!

BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, the following tag team contest is set for one fall. Introducing first... Cue: Kiss, "Calling Dr. Love" The crowd goes SLIGHTLY WILD! BUFFER At a total combined weight of 456lbs, they are the heartthrob heroes, the men who will gladly give each and every lady in the house sweet, sweet CPR, Dr. Stephen Pigley! Dr. Max Anderson! The LURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRVE DOCTORS! The Docs dance down to the ring, flashing their white coats open occasionally and twirling stethoscopes provactively around their heads. COACH Yeah! Time to party with the Docs! COLE I wonder if I could get their professional advice...I have this thing on- CABOOSE Woooh there... Max and Stephen jump into the ring and slowly take off their coats, to wolf whistles from the female fans. BUFFER And their opponents, already in the ring, total combined weight 490lbs, they are Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, the Trekkies! Indeed, two wrestlers dressed as the Captain and the Vulcan, complete with replica shirts and big fake ears on Spock, are bouncing on the spot, awaiting the Docs. COACH Oh man. These guys must be bigger geeks than Mikey! COLE Oh c'mon, those shirts aren't even right, they used a slightly deeper shade of blue and the- Thankfully the ring bell cuts of Cole's Trekkie knowledge. DING DING DING We're starting with Dr. Pigley against "Kirk". Kirk gets in Pigley's face, pointing to his uniform and muttering about Klingons. Pigley shrugs, and does the ol' snake hips, getting some more screams from the women. And some men, it has to be said. COLE I have to admit, these guys are pretty sexy. CABOOSE So THAT'S why you wanted them to examine you. COLE No! Ah! Er! I mean, chicks rule! Boobies! Kirk doesn't take kindly to Pigley's dance, and slaps him in the face! The good Doctor is fired up, and goes to work with forearm shots, and then whips Kirk off the ropes, hitting him with a perfect dropkick. Kirk scrambles up but takes a pair of armdrags, followed by Pigley going to scoop him up for The Time Of Death! (Michinoku Driver), but Kirk slips out and tags in Spock. Spock steps in and CHOPS Pigley hard! Pigley is rocked, but fights back with his own chops. He whips Spock into the corner, follows in with a jump and monkeyflips the geek hiiiiiigh into the air. Pigley tags in Max Anderson, and they whip Spock off the ropes- Double back elbow! Double elbow drops! Leg drop from Max, running senton from Pigley! Max covers: ONE! TWO! TH-No, Spock gets a shoulder up. Max gets the "Vulcan" up and hits a hiptoss- into a backbreaker! Anderson decides against a cover and brings Spock up, whipping him off the ropes. Spock ducks his lariat however, and locks on the VULCAN NERVE PINCH! COLE Oh no! This puts everyone away! But Anderson just stands there, as Spock pinches his shoulder. ANDERSON Um...what exactly are you doing? Spock is speechless, as Anderson grabs him in and hits a spike DDT. Kirk runs into the ring and grabs one of Spock's ears! COACH Oh no! It's a foreign object! A loaded ear! Kirk swings at Anderson with the ear, but misses, and Max clotheslines him over the top rope out of the ring! Anderson gives Spock a snap suplex into the Love Doc's corner, and tags his partner. Dr Stephen puts Spock across his legs in the Vegomatic position, as Max vaults to the top- Shooting Star Elbow drop to the sternum! THE LETHAL INJECTION! Spock is crushed into the canvas, as Stephen covers him: ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING BUFFER Here are you winners- THE LURRRRRRRRRVE DOCTORS! As Kiss plays, the Docs dance and gyrate as Kirk rolls back in to tend to his fallen comrade. COLE The Docs pick up a good win here on HeldDown, although it was against a travesty of a team. How can they call themselves Trekkies... CABOOSE Um...who cares? COACH Good point, Boose! Congrats to the Docs, let's go to something else!

"Three-two-one, I'M THE BOMB!" “I’m the Bomb” by Electric Six begins to blare over the loudspeakers as Calvin Szechstein makes his way out to ringside, but he’s not alone! Behind Calvin, is his Dream Tag Team Partner for next week’s HeldDown Main Event, Zack Malibu! COLE Now what the hell is this? CABOOSE He’s just here for moral support! COACH Sure, and I’m gay. COLE and CABOOSE … *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, the following non-title contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, being accompanied by Zack Malibu, weighing in tonight at One Hundred Ninety-Nine pounds… CAAAAAALLVIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNN SZEEEEEEEECHSTEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!! Calvin slides into the ring as ‘I’m the Bomb’ continues to play. Zack Malibu walks around the ring, heading for the commentary table… COLE Oh, look who it is. CABOOSE Stand up! Everyone stand up for Zack Malibu! We are graced with his presence on commentary! COACH Oh, that’s great. Zack walks over to the commentary table and sits down on the fourth chair, without greeting any of Triple C. He puts on a headset, and focuses on the entrance ramp. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! “Down with the Sickness” starts up and Axel makes his way out to the ring, HIYAH Belt in hand. BUFFER And his opponent, from Hobart, Tasmania, Australia, weighing in tonight at Two Hundred Fifty-Seven Pounds, he is the reigning HIYAH World Heavyweight Champion… AXXXXXXXXXEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL!!! He takes off his coat while walking down the ramp quickly, drops the belt and coat to the ground, and slides straight into the ring! COLE Axel isn’t wasting any time! The referee calls for the bell, and the two opponents begin the jaw-jacking. They circle around the ring, before charging to the centre and into a collar-and-elbow tieup. Axel has the leverage and strength advantage, overpowering Calvin and getting him in a side headlock. Calvin pushes Axel to the ropes; Axel flies off and sends Calvin down to the mat with a shoulder block. COLE Axel has the strength and size advantage over Calvin. Do you think this will e a factor in the outcome of this match Zack? ZACK I’ll talk when I want to talk you little asshole, so call the match and don’t even look at me. CABOOSE You been told! Axel runs to the ropes again, Calvin ducks under, Axel across to the other side, Calvin with the leapfrog, Axel off the ropes a third time, Calvin catches the Dark One with an armdrag! Axel up quickly, Calvin charges and Axel hits an armdrag of his own! Calvin gets up and charges again, Axel with a drop toe hold this time, before sliding over and getting Calvin in a front face lock. Calvin forces Axel to his feet, Calvin with a shot to the midsection, and another, Axel releases the front face lock, Calvin locks in one of his own, tries a vertical suplex but can’t lift Axel, Axel reverses and hits a vertical suplex! The two men are both up quickly, facing each other, having a break from the exchange, neither wanting to take their eyes off of their opponent. The crowd acknowledge the exchange by an ovation, followed by a small ‘AX-EL! AX-EL!’ chant. COLE A great exchange there, with Axel I think getting the early advantage, countering Calvin’s attempt at a vertical suplex. CABOOSE It’s way too early to be saying that Michael! ZACK You’re an idiot Cole, we’re what, 60 seconds into a match and you’re saying who has the advantage? Idiot. Axel and Calvin charge at each other again, locking up, with Calvin getting the advantage and pushing Axel back into the corner. The referee calls for a clean break, Axel obliges, but Calvin catches Axel with a thumb to the eye! Axel clutches at his eye, and Calvin takes advantage, landing a hard right hand to the temple, followed by another, and another. Boot to the midsection by Calvin, comes off the ropes, and hits a swinging neckbreaker on Axel! Calvin covers, but Axel kicks out at 1. Calvin gets to his feet and immediately lands a stiff boot to the head of Axel, before coming off the ropes and hitting a leg drop. Calvin covers again, but Axel kicks out at 1 again. ZACK See? Just like that, Calvin is in control of that Australian asshole. COACH Oooooooooh, alliteration! Calvin pulls Axel up by the hair and pushes him back into the corner. Irish whip by Calvin sends Axel to the opposite corner, Calvin charges, Axel counters with a back elbow, and Calvin staggers back. Axel charges, and floors Calvin with a hard clothesline! COLE Yeah! CABOOSE Oh would you stop cheerleading? Axel stands ready, waiting for Calvin to get up. Calvin gets to his feet and turns to face Axel; Axel lifts Calvin over his shoulder… COLE He might be going for his new move, Dark Royalty! He used it to win most of his matches in Japan! …but Calvin slips off Axels back! Calvin hooks Axel’s head, and drops him down for a reverse DDT! Calvin goes for the cover… ONE… TWNO! Axel kicks out at the two. COLE Axel used that move in every HIYAH Tournament match to get the win except eh final, it’s an inverted Piledriver that he calls Dark Royalty. COACH What did he use to win the HIAYH Title? CABOOSE Who cares? He won’t beat Calvin with any of his dumb moves. Axel gets to his feet and backs up into the corner, with Calvin following close behind. Calvin lands another stiff right hand, and then a loud chop that has the crowd wooing along. Calvin connects with another hard chop, but Axel reverses and puts Calvin in the corner! Axel hits a hard chop of his own! CROWD WOO! Axel with another hard knife edged chop! CROWD WOO! Axel flips the bird to Calvin, before hitting him with one more knife edged chop! CROWD WOO! Axel measures Calvin, and then floors him with a stiff uppercut that echoes throughout the arena! COLE Oooooooooh, that’s gotta hurt. COACH That uppercut was brutal! ZACK Calvin’s alright. He’s alright. Axel brings Calvin out of the corner and hits a scoop slam. Axel goes back to the corner, charges at Calvin, and drops his knee across his face! COLE Shades of Harley Race, beautiful knee drop! ZACK You’re loving this aren’t you Michael? Well I’ve got news for you: Axel will not beat me! He can’t beat me! Do you know who I am? My name is Zack Malibu, and you can’t disrespect me! I’ll kick your scrawny ass all across this arena! Axel looks around the crowd, and then spots Zack Malibu at ringside! He rolls out of the ring, and point’s right at the former OAOAST Champion! COLE Looks like Axel’s calling you out Zack! ZACK You want a piece of me, you stupid son of a bitch? Zack stands up out of his chair and begins to walk towards Axel… but Calvin baseball slides into Axel’s back, sending him crashing into the announce table! ZACK Never saw it coming! COLE Axel really made a mistake there; he should have been focusing on Calvin rather than trying to taunt Zack! Axel staggers backwards from the announce table, Calvin grabs him by the hair and takes him over to the steel steps. Calvin lifts Axel’s head up, and then drives it down, his temple bouncing off of the steel steps! COACH Damn! Calvin rolls Axel into the ring and follows soon thereafter, taunting the crowd in the process. ZACK Here we go! COLE Calvin with the firm advantage here… Calvin begins putting the boots to Axel, landing boot after boot to the back of his head. Calvin then lifts Axel up again by the hair, and hooks in a front face lock, before point at Zack, and dropping Axel down for a DDT! Calvin rolls Axel over for a cover… ONE… TWOOOOOOOOOOOONO! Axel kicks out! CABOOSE He should just stay down, it’d make things a lot easier. COLE I can’t believe… Axel won’t just give up! This is revenge for him! Do you have any idea what the Thrillogy tried to do to him? They tried to end his career, and maybe even his life! And Zack, you were the ring leader! Zack turns to Michael Cole and grabs him by the collar! ZACK You’re damn right I was the ring leader! This guy has been annoying me ever since he entered this god damn company! First night he arrived, he saved Crystal. I didn’t want the trend to continue, so I did what I had to do. But he just had to be a hero, didn’t he? He had the audacity to come out here and challenge ME? I’M ZACK FREAKING MALIBU DAMMIT! I make the challenges, I call the shots, and Axel is going to have to learn that! CABOOSE Settle down there Zack, he’s an imbecile. Zack lets go of Cole, who is visibly shaken. Calvin gets Axel to his feet again and this time positions him for a vertical suplex. Calvin snaps Axel over and quickly heads up to the ropes. COACH Calvin is going for some high risk, but is it the right move? CABOOSE Of course it is you idiot, Axel is incapacitated! Calvin gets to the top rope, and flies off, hitting the Macho Elbow! COLE Shades of the Macho man on that one COACH OOOOOOOOOH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!! CABOOSE Do that again and I will kick your ass. COACH Fair enough. Calvin goes for the cover, lateral press… ONE…. TWO… COLE Hook of the leg and… NO! Axel kicks out. COLE Axel saves himself at the last second there, he might be hurting! Axel sits up and tries to get up to his knees, but Calvin stops him, applying a sleeper hold! Axel tries to fight out of it, but Calvin has the hold on too tight! The referee asks Axel if he gives up, but Axel waves him off. ZACK If he doesn’t tap out, he’ll be knocked out. Calvin applies the sleeper hold tighter and tighter, with Axel gasping for every breath. The referee continues to ask Axel if he gives up, but Axel won’t! Calvin shouts for Axel to give up, but Axel refuses to give in! So, Calvin squeezes tighter! COLE Axel can’t possibly hang on much longer; Calvin has a vice-like grip around his neck! COACH Well Michael, Axel is a fighter. Calvin had better put Axel away now, or he might be in trouble. CABOOSE Calvin is in complete and utter control of this contest guys! You can’t possibly think that Axel has a chance? ZACK He has no chance. He can’t be at me, and he can’t beat Calvin! COLE You must be just the slightest bit concerned about the identity of Axel’s Dream Tag Team partner Zack, Axel says that he has beaten both you and Calvin on previous occasions! Do you have any idea who that could be? ZACK No I don’t, and to be honest, I don’t care. This mystery guy has been gone off the roster for a while, so who’s to say he’s not some washed up hack that beat Cal and I when we were both jobbers in the Independent circuit? It could be anyone, so no, I couldn’t care less! Calvin continues to squeeze at the windpipe of Axel, cutting off his air supply. The results of the sleeper are beginning to show, with Axel slowly fading, and losing consciousness! Axel tries to keep his arm up as long as he possibly can, but it starts to drop! When it finally drops down to the ground, the referee checks for signs of life, but he can’t get a word out of axel, so he lifts the arm up.... …and IT DROPS! COLE Axel is fading! This might be over! ZACK You see? Not even in our league. The referee grabs Axels arm a second time and lifts it high in the air. He lets go… …and IT DROPS! The ref calls out to the timekeeper ‘one more, and the match is over!’ ZACK Yes! Hurry up ref, end this squash! The referee lifts up Axels arm a third time, with Calvin just waiting for it to drop. He lets go… …AND IT STAYS! ZACK NO! Axel begins to get a burst of energy, tensing his arm, clenching his fist to try and get out of the sleeper. Axel gets up to one knee, then to one leg, but Calvin won’t release the hold! Axel drives an elbow into Calvin’s gut, and then another, and a third, and Calvin releases the sleeper! Axel pushes Calvin into the ropes, Calvin comes off, Axel ducks… and Calvin hits another swinging neck breaker! CABOOSE Yeah! Axel has no chance! Calvin looks down at Axel, and then hurries over to the corner. He steps outside the ring ropes, before going up to the top! COLE The first chance payed off, so Calvin is going for a second! Calvin gets to the top rope, flashes a smile at Zack, and comes off for a Frog Splash… …BUT AXEL GETS THE KNEES UP! CABOOSE Oh no… COLE Both men are down! Calvin clutches his midsection in pain as the referee utilises his ten count… ONE! TWO! COLE Who will be up first? THREE! FOUR! COACH Come on Axel, get up! ZACK CALVIN! GET UP! FIVE! SIX! Both men make it to one knee… SEVEN! EIGHT! …and Axel is up first, with Calvin close behind! Calvin charges at Axel, but is met by a clothesline! Calvin up quickly and charges again, but Axel lands another clothesline! Axel gets Calvin to his feet quickly and sends him for an Irish Whip, Calvin comes off the ropes… SPINEBUSTER BY AXEL! COVER! ZACK NO! ONE… TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… THRNOOOOOOO! Calvin gets a shoulder up! CABOOSE Oh thank god. COLE Axel is mounting a comeback! Axel grabs Calvin by the hair again, and sends him for another Irish Whip. Calvin comes off the ropes, Axel tries a clothesline, Calvin ducks, Axel turns around, Calvin jumps up and tries to take Axel over with a Hurricanrana… but Axel holds onto Calvin! SITOUT POWERBOMB BY AXEL! ONE…. TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… THREEENO!!!!!!! Calvin kicks out! COLE A few tense moments Zack? ZACK Shut up you Jim Ross wannabe. Axel gets to his feet, and strikes the crucifix pose, signalling for the end! COLE The end is near! COACH Axel Slam time! ZACK F**k this… Zack gets up out of his chair and goes over to the ropes. Calvin makes it to his feet, and Axel lifts him up for an Axel Slam! Axel turns around, and sees Zack on the apron, taunting The Dark One! For a moment, he loses concentration, and Calvin slips down his back, hooking his arms for a backslide! ONE…. TWOOOOOOOOOOOO… THRNO! Axel fights out of it! Calvin grabs Axel, but Axel break Calvin’s grip straight away, landing a barrage of right hands and kicks to the midsection! Axel lifts Calvin over his shoulder… AND HITS BLACK ROYALTY! COLE Black Royalty! The Inverted Piledriver! It’s over! ONE… TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! NO NO NO! Zack puts Calvin’s foot on the ropes! COLE Oh dammit! Dammit! Axel thinks he won the fall, but the referee informs him that Calvin’s foot was on the bottom rope. He then spots Zack at ringside, and gets a psychotic look in his eye. He points at Zack, and rolls his eyes up into the back of his head, freaking out the Former OAOAST Champion! CABOOSE What the hell? COACH Axel wants Zack! Axle rolls out of the ring and runs at Zack, who sprints away from his adversary. Zack runs into the ring and Axel follows in after him, but Calvin catches him with a boot to the gut! The referee admonishes Zack at ringside, not seeing what is happening in the ring! Calvin goes for the Code Red Clash… COACH Code Red Clash attempt here by Calvin Szechstein… … But Axel pushes Calvin backwards, right into the referee! The referee’s head bounces off the turnbuckle, and he falls to the canvas, out like a light! COLE We’ve got a referee down out here! Calvin looks at what he has done for a second and turns around to face Axel. He charges and goes for a clothesline, but Axel ducks under… and locks in A Dragon Sleeper! Axel turns Calvin around, dropping him to his knees, and bending back the Dragon Sleeper! COLE He calls this the Devils Clutch! Axel only has to grapevine the legs around Calvin and he‘ll have it locked in! This is the move Axel used to defeat the Great Muta! Axel bends back Calvin’s neck; Calvin’s arm goes up…. …and HE TAPS! BUT THERE’S NO REFEREE! COLE Calvin is giving up, but there is no damn referee! We need a referee out here! Axel sets in the Devil’s Clutch tighter, and tries to grapevine his legs… COLE Wait a minute! …But he gets floored by SCHOOL’S OUT from Zack Malibu! COACH NO! CABOOSE YES! COLE DAMMIT! Axel goes down to the ground lifeless, and Zack checks on his fallen stablemate. Zack picks Axel up and hooks him in a Front Face Lock, lifting him up… and dropping him in a POP DROP!! COLE No! This is too much! Calvin regains enough strength to get to his feet and go over to the ropes, again climbing to the top. Zack moves Axel into position, holding his arms while Calvin climbs to the top rope. Calvin stands on the top rope… before delivering the 450 Splash to the prone Axel! COACH NO! This isn’t fair guys! Zack goes over to the referee and slaps him around, waking him up from the unconscious state! The referee crawls over to Calvin, who as the cover on the lifeless Axel. He counts… ONE!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! COLE NO! NO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! *DING DING DING* COLE GOD DAMMIT THAT ISN’T RIGHT! Cue: ‘I’m the Bomb’ by Electric Six BUFFER Here is your winner… CAAAAAAAALLLLVIIIIIIIIINNNNN SZEEEECHSTEEEEIIINNNNNNN!! CABOOSE Chalk up another win for the record books! This is great! Zack holds u the arm of Calvin in victory, before looking at the prone, unconscious Axel lying before them. Zack looks at his enemy and smiles a sick, sadistic smile. He then tells Calvin to force Axel to his feet! COLE Oh come on, you’ve made your point! Calvin drags Axel to his feet, his arms locked behind his back so he can’t do any damage. Zack slaps Axel mockingly, and shouts right into his face! ZACK I’M IN CHARGE AROUND HERE YOU STUPID F**KING SON OF A BITCH! YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME? NEXT WEEK I’M GOING TO F**K YOU UP IN FRONT OF YOUR FAMILY, YOU’RE FRIENDS, AND YOU’RE ENTIRE COUNTRY! HERES A LITTLE TASTE! With the last sentiment, Zack hooks Axel for another POP Drop, lifts him up… and drops him for a Falling Star Driver! COLE This is too much! They’ve sunk to a new level this time! Dammit, Axel had the match won! CABOOSE It’s Axels fault for getting involved in the Thrillogy’s business! He’s going to be humiliated next week in his home country! Zack and Calvin celebrate in the ring as “Getting Away with Murder” by Papa roach starts in the ring this time, looking down at their fallen enemy, and relishing in the damage they have just caused. COLE We still don’t know who Axel’s partner is? But whoever it is, they had better be one hell of a wrestler to beat those two men standing in that ring! What else could happen tonight?

COLE Next up we have a handicap match in which Blurricane could get his wish and have Father reinstated should he win. CABOOSE That’s not going to happen. He’s facing both JAE and Cain! COACH It doesn’t look good. *Big Machine by Velvet Revolver begins and the fans boo as JAE and Cain stroll out onto the stage with wide grins. They don’t even let the booing fans bother them as they step into the ring and throw their arms out to their sides.* COLE Well they’re planning on having a lot of fun tonight aren’t they? CABOOSE The fun will continue later as I heard they’re throwing a party after the show tonight. COACH Cool! CABOOSE You’re not invited Coach. BUFFER This match is a Handicap match which is scheduled for one fall. If Blurricane wins then Father will be reinstated. Introducing… *Before Buffer can continue the fans pop as Blurricane runs out of the crowd and pulls JAE from the ring.* CABOOSE Hey what the hell is he doing!? COLE He’s playing it smart! Blurricane pulls JAE out of the ring and whips him into the guardrail hard before quickly hitting a Dropsault that sends JAE flipping over the rail and into the crowd. CABOOSE Why didn’t he go after Cain first? He’s bigger! COLE Yeah, but would you want to worry about Cain attacking you from behind the rest of the match? COACH The man has a point. Cain exits the ring and comes after Blurricane, but Blurricane launches himself off the ring steps and hits a Doomsday Kick to the back of Cain’s head! Cain stumbles forward and goes down to one knee as Blurricane gets back up. Blurricane then waits for Cain to stand again before hitting a chop block that actually pins Cain’s leg between the steps and Blurricane’s shoulder! Cain lets out a cry of pain as Blurricane runs over to attack JAE, who is coming back over the guardrail. COLE So far Blurricane has control of this match! As Blurricane comes near JAE tosses a cup of Coke in his face and uses the opportunity to slam him face first into the guardrail. JAE then slides him into the ring and calls for Cain to get up. CABOOSE Now who’s in control? COLE Gee I wonder. *Ding Ding Ding* COACH Finally this match officially starts. Inside the ring JAE hoists Blurricane onto his shoulders and hits a Rolling Fireman’s Carry Takedown and pops back up to his feet. Cain then slides back in after shaking the pain out of his leg and hits a hard Double Stomp to Blurricane’s gut. JAE then hits a Running SSP and goes for a cover. 1 2 No! COLE Both men shouldn’t be in the ring. This handicap match shouldn’t turn into a two on one affair! CABOOSE Oh don’t start that again! COACH I don’t get it. JAE and Cain pull Blurricane up and whip him to the ropes before hitting a double team Hip Toss followed quickly by a Moonsault Pin from JAE. 1 2 No!! The ref asks Cain to exit the ring but he fakes a backhand and the ref stumbles back and falls on his ass. The fans laugh for a second, but boo as Cain mocks the ref. Cain and JAE pull Blurricane back up and Cain lifts him with a Gorilla Press, but Blurricane fights out and goes for a Hurricanrana. Cain manages to stop him and pull him back up into a Powerbomb position before hitting the move. As Blurricane hits the mat JAE drops a Leg Drop and makes a cover. 1 2 No!! CABOOSE He really needs to just stay down. COLE Why would he do that? JAE and Cain become frustrated that Blurricane won’t stay down so both men go to a corner and wait for him to stand. As he reaches his feet both men go for a Double Big Boot, but Blurricane ducks and bounces off the ropes on the other side. As Blurricane bounces back he hits a Double Clothesline and the fans cheer loudly. COLE That’s why he wouldn’t stay down! He’s not done yet. CABOOSE Sure he is…just give him a second. COACH Blurricane is fighting back! CABOOSE Get with the program Coach…we already know. Blurricane wastes no time in pulling JAE to his feet and backing him to the ropes. Then as Cain stands Blurricane whips JAE right into Cain and the two men collide. JAE bounces off Cain and lands on his back as Cain stumbles back into the ropes. Blurricane seizes the opportunity and hits a Spinning Wheel Kick to Cain that sends him toppling over the ropes to the outside. Blurricane then climbs to the top rope and waits for JAE to stand again. As JAE stands Blurricane comes off with a Diving Sunset Flip! 1 2 No!! Cain pulls the ref out of the ring! COLE Oh come on!! The ref threatens to call for the bell, so Cain actually apologizes and straightens the ref’s shirt for good measure. COLE Oh yeah that was sincere. CABOOSE You don’t trust anybody do you Cole? COACH He trusts me. COLE No I don’t. CABOOSE Ha! Blurricane looks pissed as Cain and the ref continue to argue and as all of them are distracted JAE goes outside and searches for something under the ring. He then comes back out with a chain on his fist and enters the ring with it. The fans boo and point, but JAE still waits until Blurricane turns around before swinging. Blurricane ducks and kicks JAE in the gut before stealing the chain off of his hand and blasting JAE in the face with it! CABOOSE What the hell!? Are you gonna condone that Cole!? COLE What goes around comes around. CABOOSE Yeah that’s a great excuse…give me a break! Blurricane then sets JAE up for the Blur Effect and hits it. Cain sees Blurricane hit the move and tries to distract the ref, but the ref sees the pin and slides back in. Cain tries to pull him back out again, but Jude runs out and pulls Cain off, which causes Cain to chase him around the ring. The ref then makes the count. 1 2 3!!! *Ding Ding Ding* CABOOSE NO!!! Blurricane cheated!! COLE Father is reinstated and Blurricane will face him at the PPV! *We cut to a shot of Bill Watts with a smile on his face once more in the back before cutting back to ringside where Blurricane and Jude retreat to the back. JAE and Cain are pissed off inside the ring as the fans cheer and mock JAE and Cain.* COLE Blurricane managed to pull off the upset with JAE’s own chain! COACH That was bootyful, fo' sho'. But now, I've been asked to make a special announcment. We got time before break, Mikey? COLE Shoot. COACH Right now, we'd like to make an announcement. This past week, at their weekly meeting, one of the topics that the Board of Directors discussed was some of the newer generation in the OAOAST, and how some fans might perceive that they might not exactly be getting all of the shots they deserved. COLE That was partly the reason why we saw an all-New Gen four-way World Title contenders' match last week, with Sly Sommers winning but unfortunately not being able to wrestle for the belt this week. COACH That's also why we're about ready to announce this: starting next week on this program, we will be holding a six-man round robin tournament between some of these guys who maybe haven't gotten the big main event slots as of late, but are just as good as anyone up top, with the winner getting a shot at the World Champion, whoever he or she may be, in November...on Pay-Per-View! COLE Without any further ado, let's announce the participants! COACH They are: Leon Rodez! (applause), Panther!... COLE I thought there were six guys in here... COACH Um...bad timing for an even worse joke. Anyway, moving on...The Mad Cappa! Drek Stone! (loud drowning of boos) The Blurricane! (applause)...and Gunner Sharps! (LOUD applause) COLE The match-ups for this week, as well as every other week, can and will be found on the OAOAST website, at http://www2.musatcha.com/mdegge/ COACH With that news out of the way, let's move backstage, where Jackie Gayda is standing with Drek Stone! We cut backstage, where Jackie Gayda is standing with Drek Stone. JACKIE I’m back here with Drek Stone. Drek, I…. DREK Now, now, Jackie…..I’m sure all these people know exactly who I am by now. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t give me by their undying devotion each and every time I step out to the ring. Considering that I’m the savior of the OAOAST - the man singlehandedly keeping this company afloat - these people worship the ground I walk on. Just ask them! A loud chorus of boos starts to echo throughout the arena. DREK See. It’s impressive, really. Now, let’s just get right to the point. You’re going to ask me why I attacked Sly Sommers tonight, aren’t you? JACKIE Well, yes. That’s what I was going for. DREK Obviously. Well, Jackie, after last week, I think everyone - all the wrestlers in the back, all the fans sitting in the arena and at home, our World Champion, and especially Sly Sommers - realized that I am NOT getting the treatment I deserve. COACH What the hell does he mean by that? DREK I should NOT be wrestling #1 Contender matches at this point in my career. I should be having the Heavyweight Title handed TO ME! Bill Watts should be knocking at my door, begging me to wrestle for the title each and every week. You want amazing ratings? Just come to Drek Stone. For all that I’ve done in the OAOAST in my five months, these should be my rewards! And what do I get? Huh? What the hell do I get? I get pissed off as I watch SLY SOMMERS WALK AWAY WITH MY HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE SHOT! Do you think this right? JACKIE I…. DREK You’re right. It’s an obvious injustice. And something that needed correcting. Sly walked in here tonight and thought he was going to be wrestling for the Heavyweight Championship. He thought I was just going to step aside and let him live a lie. Let him walk around with stolen merchandise - MY Heavyweight Title shot. Well, I took care of that. Sly, I really hope I taught you a lesson. But….enough with the people that don’t matter. Crystal…..this is about you. A low chant of “Crystal! Crystal!” starts to break out among the crowd. DREK Because, just like Sly Sommers, you are living a lie. You are walking around with something that you don’t deserve. That Heavyweight Championship - that isn’t yours. You didn’t earn it. I earned it. That title should be around MY waist. NOT yours. And I think we all know this. So Crystal, this is why…. Drek’s interview is suddenly broken up by the appearance of two people. One is the current OAOAST Heavyweight Champion Crystal. And the other is none other than Bill Watts. DREK Ah, just the person I wanted to see. And Bill, it’s always a pleasure. You’re just in time for my announcement. WATTS Oh. Well, before you continue with that, I want to make my own announcement. That was some beat down you laid on Sly before…. DREK I beat down Sly before? What? Where is the proof? WATTS Well, considering that we all saw it on camera….and the fact that you just bragged about it before…there’s no talking your way out of this one. Did you think you would be rewarded for those actions? Did you think that I would just grant you a Heavyweight Title shot for beating down my #1 Contender? With a suspicious look on his face, Drek continues to focus his attention on Bill Watts. WATTS You can guess again. Because tonight, it will be Drek Stone vs. Crystal. But it is NOT going to be for the Heavyweight Title. I WILL NOT reward you for your disgusting actions here tonight. You want a title shot - you can EARN IT! DREK I HAVE EARNED IT! DID YOU EVEN LISTEN TO ME JUST NOW?! WATTS I’m not debating this. Have a good night. Crystal and Bill Watts start to walk away, but Drek isn’t going to let them leave quietly. DREK Crystal……hey Crystal….just keep walking away. It’s okay to be intimidated at the idea of losing the title already. Just walk away - CONTINUE TO PLAY THE UNWORTHY BITCH! The crowd “ohhhhhhhhs” at the comment as Crystal turns her head slowly and shoots a long glare at Drek. Watts, doing his best to ignore Drek’s screams, walks through the door at the end of the hallway. But Crystal steps right up to Drek. CRYSTAL What did you say? DREK Are you okay? Do you have some blush in your ears or something? I can say it again. I said… CRYSTAL You know, this non-title match wasn’t my idea. Title or not, I have no doubt that I could kick your ass around that entire ring. DREK So then put your title on the line….ultimately, it’s your decision. Not Watts. CRYSTAL Why would I put the title up? You tried to cripple Sly for absolutely NO good god-damn reason. Why would I let you fight for the title? DREK I would assume that you would want to be a fighting champion. I would assume that you would want to show everyone here that you’re not just a fluke titleholder……..how many shots did you wind up getting at Zack anyway before you finally beat him? At that latest comment, Crystal’s stare changes to one of defiance. DREK Crystal, this is your decision. I took out Sly tonight to get to you. I have something to prove tonight. I know that I’m better than you. I know that I should be the rightful owner of the OAOAST Heavyweight Championship. And this is what terrifies you. You realize that this is the truth. I know, deep down, that if given the chance - there is absolutely no way you will be walking out of here with that title around your waist. You are simply not….good…..enough. Nodding her head quietly, slowly absorbing Drek’s comments, Crystal takes a short while before finally responding. CRYSTAL Okay, Drek. You know what - I do have something to prove. I know that I am better than you. And I’m sure all of these fans in Boston tonight KNOW I’m better than you. And let’s get something straight - I am not scared about losing that title. Especially to the likes of some scumbag like yourself. Just to prove this point - I’m going to grant you your wish. You want a Heavyweight Title shot tonight? You got it! The arena rises up in a LOUD cheer at this announcement! DREK Honey, I knew you wouldn’t let me down. Enjoy that gold while you got it…..and babe, try not to wear any mascara to the ring either. I just hate when some girl smears that stuff all over me. Drek takes a few steps towards the exit, but stops and turns around. DREK By the way, I’m not a bad guy. You’re even invited to my Championship Celebration bash after the show. Fun for all. I guarantee it. Drek then walks through the exit, clearly thrilled at what has just taken place. Meanwhile, Crystal slowly stares at the gold laying on her shoulder. CRYSTAL Title match or not…..he’s going to regret doing what he did tonight. The camera slowly fades into a commercial, as Crystal’s glare stays transfixed on her title belt.

We fade in on the Thrillogy locker room. On the long couch lay Calvin Szechstein, seemingly taking a break from his Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots tournament. A Pepsi bandana rests over his eyes as he breathes calmly, his singlet already on, his match quickly approaching. He breathes once deeply, but the sound of a door opening jars him, and he sits up, the bandana flying off his face. He looks at the man entering, and his expression sours. CALVIN Hey, Darrick. Our camera pans around to see who's entering the room, and we can see a small African-American man in aviators - Darrick Chandler - entering the room. he sits down in one of the padded folding chairs, his aviators making his eyes look somber and heartwarming as Calvin sits up, pulling on a pair of slacks and looking at the man. CALVIN Why are you here, again? DARRICK The record company, Cal baby. When you signed that deal with Arista you agreed to bring me and my boys in for a promotional thang. Calvin rubs the sleep out of his eyes. CALVIN I seem to be slacking on attention to detail... what is this 'thang'? DARRICK You told my boys that you'd bring them in for a tag run to promote their new album. CALVIN I did? Is it good? DARRICK It's golden, baby. CALVIN What's it called? DARRICK I believe Dre calls it 'Crunk You'. CALVIN ... delightful. So when are they coming in? DARRICK I believe we're taking next week off, but next week we're going to BURRN! whatever team we face. CALVIN You're going to... burn them? DARRICK Sorry, it's one of my tracks. CALVIN I see. Well, if that's all you're here for, you can feel free to leave me alone now. Calvin lays back down, grabbing the bandana and putting it over his eyes, but Darrick doesn't leave right away. He looks down at Calvin, a note of empathy in his voice. DARRICK What'samatter, Cal baby? You have some confessions to make? Calvin raises his bandana, looking at Chandler. CALVIN You do realize you're a walking stereotype, right, Darrick? DARRICK I'd like to think otherwise. CALVIN Well, whatever. Look... it's been a rough couple of weeks for me. I find out this morning that I'm teaming with Zack Malibu against Axel and some guy next week... I'm not exactly thrilled about that. People have been saying my wrestling's been slacking since I lost the belt, and I'm just like, well, yeah... your wrestling would slip too if you had to deal with psychopath Sly and insane Malibu, wouldn't it? DARRICK I see, honey, I see. CALVIN On top of that, a lot of my deals expire next month, and I'm not sure how 'rich' I'm going to be once that happens. DARRICK Oooh, that's bad. CALVIN Yes, yes it is. And finally, in-ring I've been reduced to Zack Malibu's attack dog. I'm not even that good, Darrick, but it's like I'm the hitman and he's the mastermind. What? I used to be the mastermind, man. The only chore I used to do for Zack Malibu was taking him to the cleaners... DARRICK BURN! CALVIN Uh, yeah... and now, it seems, I've turned into his bitch. DARRICK I know a thing or two about that, Calvin. I wouldn't worry too much about it, baby, you're still one of the best guys in the OAOAST, and you're a shoo-in the next time you get a title shot. You never did get that rematch, did you? CALVIN I don't recall, but I don't think so. DARRICK See? So you go after Crystal, beat her, and then you're the top dog in the Thrillogy. CALVIN I suppose... DARRICK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH-UH! CALVIN ... uh, yeah. Look, thanks, Darrick, I still need some down time before the show... give me a call when I get back from Australia, we'll get your boys... who are your boys? DARRICK "Rebel Flag" Tyson Romeo and Kidd Dre, we're called the Crunk Machine, baby. CALVIN Ah... huh. Well, give me a call when I get back and I'll get them a match, all right? It's been good talking to you... DARRICK You too, baby, and if you ever need to make part two of your confessions, let me know. CALVIN Uh... will do. Now get the hell out of my locker room. Darrick nods, exiting, as we fade to commercial...

COACH Let's go to the back, where Rick Shirley is waiting COLE Great.. [We cut to the back where Rick Shirley is dancing around backstage] SHIRLEY Owwwwww-ast! Yeeeeah.. i'm here in Bawston.. let me tell you this.. remember that Bill Buckner play? [We hear booing] SHIRLEY Ya know, where the ball went in-between his legs? Guess what? [Pause] SHIRLEY I put my balls in-between his legs and I bent Bill Buckner over. Babe Ruth left the curse of the Bambino. I left a used condom. Hahaha. [Pause] SHIRLEY I'm just kidding.. I don't use condoms. Bawston, maybe i'll have to dig up Babe Ruth and have sex with his corpse to break your curse! I know that I'll get cowboy up! [shirley spins around.] SHIRLEY As for the diva search, keep sending your videos in, because i'm masturbating to them all. Awwww yeah! [shirley laughs and runs off-screen. We cut back to the ring.] "Introducing, in the ring, from Boston, Massachusetts, weighing in at 215 pounds, Dick Pena!" [Pena raises his arms to a small reaction] ["All you need is love" by the Beatles plays as Rick Shirley walks out with his confetti gun. "Introducing second, from the Valley of Love and War, weighing in at 230 pounds, 'El Guapo Guerrero' Rick Shirley!" [He fires it and enters the ring.] COACH This should be good.. COLE Or not COACH And Shirley just pulled Pena's tights down! Shirley throws the exposed Pena into the corner and pounds him. He turns Pena around in the corner and humps his exposed ass. Shirley hits a Russian legsweep on Pena to take him down. Pena gets his tights back up and Shirley pins him down on the mat. Shirley takes out lipstick and runs it over Pena's face. COLE This is just too much! COACH It's an extreme makeover! Shirley throws Pena into the corner. One punch to the face, another punch, and then Shirley puts his hand down his tights for a moment, takes it out and punches Pena again. COLE Really, this is too much.. COACH Well.. it works better than spit. Shirley whips Pena into the other corner and comes in with a Stinger Splash. Shirley lifts up Pena and drops him with Heartbreak Hotel. Shirley covers. 1, 2, 3 Shirley picks up Pena and hoists him over his shoulder. Shirley walks past Michael Cole as he leaves. COLE What the hell are you doing? SHIRLEY Whatever I want! Gosh! Colesy, don't make me take you too! COLE This man has a family! SHIRLEY And he will be playing Paul Revere tonight. I'll be the British. He'll move around and declare that i'm coming! I'm Yankee Dooooodle Dandy! Yeeeeeeeeeeeah.. Cole tries to get closer to retrieving Pena, but Coach holds him back. COLE What the hell? COACH It's for the best SHIRLEY Thanks Coach Man! COACH No Problem! COLE Ugh.. Everybody clears the ring. COLE Next up we have a handicap match in which Blurricane could get his wish and have Father reinstated should he win. CABOOSE That’s not going to happen. He’s facing both JAE and Cain! COACH It doesn’t look good. *Big Machine by Velvet Revolver begins and the fans boo as JAE and Cain stroll out onto the stage with wide grins. They don’t even let the booing fans bother them as they step into the ring and throw their arms out to their sides.* COLE Well they’re planning on having a lot of fun tonight aren’t they? CABOOSE The fun will continue later as I heard they’re throwing a party after the show tonight. COACH Cool! CABOOSE You’re not invited Coach. BUFFER This match is a Handicap match which is scheduled for one fall. If Blurricane wins then Father will be reinstated. Introducing… *Before Buffer can continue the fans pop as Blurricane runs out of the crowd and pulls JAE from the ring.* CABOOSE Hey what the hell is he doing!? COLE He’s playing it smart! Blurricane pulls JAE out of the ring and whips him into the guardrail hard before quickly hitting a Dropsault that sends JAE flipping over the rail and into the crowd. CABOOSE Why didn’t he go after Cain first? He’s bigger! COLE Yeah, but would you want to worry about Cain attacking you from behind the rest of the match? COACH The man has a point. Cain exits the ring and comes after Blurricane, but Blurricane launches himself off the ring steps and hits a Doomsday Kick to the back of Cain’s head! Cain stumbles forward and goes down to one knee as Blurricane gets back up. Blurricane then waits for Cain to stand again before hitting a chop block that actually pins Cain’s leg between the steps and Blurricane’s shoulder! Cain lets out a cry of pain as Blurricane runs over to attack JAE, who is coming back over the guardrail. COLE So far Blurricane has control of this match! As Blurricane comes near JAE tosses a cup of Coke in his face and uses the opportunity to slam him face first into the guardrail. JAE then slides him into the ring and calls for Cain to get up. CABOOSE Now who’s in control? COLE Gee I wonder. *Ding Ding Ding* COACH Finally this match officially starts. Inside the ring JAE hoists Blurricane onto his shoulders and hits a Rolling Fireman’s Carry Takedown and pops back up to his feet. Cain then slides back in after shaking the pain out of his leg and hits a hard Double Stomp to Blurricane’s gut. JAE then hits a Running SSP and goes for a cover. 1 2 No! COLE Both men shouldn’t be in the ring. This handicap match shouldn’t turn into a two on one affair! CABOOSE Oh don’t start that again! COACH I don’t get it. JAE and Cain pull Blurricane up and whip him to the ropes before hitting a double team Hip Toss followed quickly by a Moonsault Pin from JAE. 1 2 No!! The ref asks Cain to exit the ring but he fakes a backhand and the ref stumbles back and falls on his ass. The fans laugh for a second, but boo as Cain mocks the ref. Cain and JAE pull Blurricane back up and Cain lifts him with a Gorilla Press, but Blurricane fights out and goes for a Hurricanrana. Cain manages to stop him and pull him back up into a Powerbomb position before hitting the move. As Blurricane hits the mat JAE drops a Leg Drop and makes a cover. 1 2 No!! CABOOSE He really needs to just stay down. COLE Why would he do that? JAE and Cain become frustrated that Blurricane won’t stay down so both men go to a corner and wait for him to stand. As he reaches his feet both men go for a Double Big Boot, but Blurricane ducks and bounces off the ropes on the other side. As Blurricane bounces back he hits a Double Clothesline and the fans cheer loudly. COLE That’s why he wouldn’t stay down! He’s not done yet. CABOOSE Sure he is…just give him a second. COACH Blurricane is fighting back! CABOOSE Get with the program Coach…we already know. Blurricane wastes no time in pulling JAE to his feet and backing him to the ropes. Then as Cain stands Blurricane whips JAE right into Cain and the two men collide. JAE bounces off Cain and lands on his back as Cain stumbles back into the ropes. Blurricane seizes the opportunity and hits a Spinning Wheel Kick to Cain that sends him toppling over the ropes to the outside. Blurricane then climbs to the top rope and waits for JAE to stand again. As JAE stands Blurricane comes off with a Diving Sunset Flip! 1 2 No!! Cain pulls the ref out of the ring! COLE Oh come on!! The ref threatens to call for the bell, so Cain actually apologizes and straightens the ref’s shirt for good measure. COLE Oh yeah that was sincere. CABOOSE You don’t trust anybody do you Cole? COACH He trusts me. COLE No I don’t. CABOOSE Ha! Blurricane looks pissed as Cain and the ref continue to argue and as all of them are distracted JAE goes outside and searches for something under the ring. He then comes back out with a chain on his fist and enters the ring with it. The fans boo and point, but JAE still waits until Blurricane turns around before swinging. Blurricane ducks and kicks JAE in the gut before stealing the chain off of his hand and blasting JAE in the face with it! CABOOSE What the hell!? Are you gonna condone that Cole!? COLE What goes around comes around. CABOOSE Yeah that’s a great excuse…give me a break! Blurricane then sets JAE up for the Blur Effect and hits it. Cain sees Blurricane hit the move and tries to distract the ref, but the ref sees the pin and slides back in. Cain tries to pull him back out again, but Jude runs out and pulls Cain off, which causes Cain to chase him around the ring. The ref then makes the count. 1 2 3!!! *Ding Ding Ding* CABOOSE NO!!! Blurricane cheated!! COLE Father is reinstated and Blurricane will face him at the PPV! *We cut to a shot of Bill Watts with a smile on his face once more in the back before cutting back to ringside where Blurricane and Jude retreat to the back. JAE and Cain are pissed off inside the ring as the fans cheer and mock JAE and Cain.* COLE Blurricane managed to pull off the upset with JAE’s on chain! COACH What a night!

(The crowd boos mercilessly as we cut to a shot of Robert “Father” Edwards’ grinning face. He’s sitting inside a helicopter on the rooftop of the arena.) FATHER Good evening. Last week the person I used to call son came out to the ring and begged the Board of Directors to have me reinstated, but he forgot one thing. He’s not in control. I am in control and sitting next to me is one man who knows that all too well now. *The camera pans back to show Bill Watts sitting next to Father looking very uncomfortable.* FATHER Mr. Watts tell these fans how this is going to go down. *Watts sighs and looks at the camera* WATTS You son of a bitch…I’m not giving in to this. FATHER Do you value your job? WATTS Yes, but… FATHER But nothing! You made a biased decision in Rick’s favor for AngleSlam now it’s my turn. WATTS Blurricane…I regret…I regret to inform you that your request cannot be granted. FATHER That’s more like it. Now give him the good news. WATTS Your request cannot be granted without you earning it first. If you can defeat both Christopher Cain and J. Arthur Edwards in a handicap match tonight then your request to have Father reinstated will be granted and you will get a match with him at the PPV. *Watts buries his face in his hand and looks sick* FATHER See Rick I’m a fair man. I’ve given you your chance to earn your shot at me. Good luck. *Father laughs as we fade out and cut back to sofa central* COLE Can you believe this!? COACH Sure I can…we just heard it. COLE You know what I mean! CABOOSE What’s the big deal Cole? Father is making Blurricane earn it for once. COLE You know he can’t win this handicap match! CABOOSE Yeah I do and that’s life…so he’ll just have to live with it. (The scene fades, as the cameras then switch back to the live feed inside the arena...) BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! CUE: ‘Down with the Sickness’ by Disturbed Axel makes his way out to ringside through his pyro, dressed in a leather coat, red shirt, and black jeans, with HIYAH Title Belt around his waist. The fans give him a great reception as he walks down the entrance ramp. COLE A pleasant surprise here, Axel making his presence known on HeldDown, but why? COACH He might tell us who his mystery partner is! COLE You never know Coach, but I’m betting Axel is out here to address Zack Malibu. Axel walks up the ring steps and climbs into the ring, before grabbing a microphone from ringside, and asking for his music to be cut. COLE Axel is cutting right to business here. AXEL You know, when I was in Japan winning the HIYAH World Heavyweight Championship, I was ecstatic. But you know what? Something was still missing. I still had a feeling that something was left unfinished. And it was. Zack Malibu, I hadn’t forgotten about you. I hadn’t forgotten how you tried to end the career of the woman that I once loved. I hadn’t forgotten how you tried to end my career, and almost end my life. Now, I want revenge. And I’m going to get it, next week, live in my home country. But tonight Zack, I’m in the mood to spill someone’s blood. So get your paranoid, crazy ass out here so I can make you bleed from ear to ear. COLE Axel is calling Zack out one week before they meet in their big Dream Tag Team Match! As if on cue, “Getting Away with Murder” by Papa Roach begins to blare over the loud speakers, and Zack Malibu appears at the top of the entrance ramp, microphone in hand. The fans become rowdy and boo the Former OAOAST Champion out of the arena. COACH We might see a preview of next week’s Main Event! ZACK You want a piece of me Axel? You want me to come to that ring right now? The crowd cheers and Axel nods, before pointing at Zack and then to the ring. ZACK Well I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I can’t fight you tonight. CROWD BOO! Axel is obviously agitated by this revelation, climbing to the first rope and leaning over, yelling at Zack to get in the ring. ZACK Well Axel, you should be thanking me, we wouldn’t want you messed up for your big match tonight now, would we? COLE Big match? AXEL What the hell are you talking about? ZACK The Board of Directors has booked a match for you tonight, one on one… AXEL And who will I be facing? ZACK I was just getting to that you impatient son of a bitch… you will be going one on one with my Dream Tag Team Partner… CALVIN SZECHSTEIN! COACH Wow! What a huge announcement! Axel’s expression turns from one of anger to a sly smile. AXEL I was hoping you’d say that. ZACK Feeling confident are we? Axel, just because you’ve beaten somebody one time doesn’t mean you can do it again. AXEL Oh I will, you watch me. ZACK Trust me Axel, I’ll be watching. I’ll be watching very closely. CUE: “Getting Away with Murder” by Papa Roach The two adversaries have an INTENSE~ stare down… COLE What a huge announcement! Axel and Calvin Szechstein, one on one tonight, live on HeldDown! COACH Let's go backstage! We go backstage as "Mean" Gene Okerlund runs over to a walking away Mad Cappa. MEAN GENE Hey Cappa, since the upcoming fatal four way match for the number one contendership for the Italia, err.... Ukranian title is next, I was wondering if I could get your thoughts about it? CAPPA Well Mean Gene, it goes like this, I have no idea! I wonder what Mr. Popick has in store for this. At least I will kick Andrew's ass for that chair shot on AngleSlam. I will win that match and go on to face Popick for that title. Oh, I forgot to mention Gene, for your hotline scoop! Next week, in Melbourne, I will be in the first ever Aussie Cup Open Invitational battle Royal! It's what it says it is! Anything pretty much goes, over the top rope elimination, and here's the best part! ANYONE CAN COME IN! Well I gots to go! Peace! MEAN GENE Hmmm. (mutters) Open battle royal! (COMMERCIAL BREAK) *A shot of a graphic with ‘NEXT WEEK’ written in blood* VOICE-OVER Next Thursday night, HeldDown will make history. HeldDown will come to you LIVE via satellite from the SOLD OUT Telstra Dome in Melbourne, Australia. *Axel is shown, an Australian Flag in the background* VOICE-OVER A warrior returns to his home, intent on revenge… *The Zack Malibu and Axel stare down from last week’s HeldDown appears* VOICE-OVER He will look to the help of one man to rise above his enemies, to make the odds fair… *A silhouette appears, walking towards the camera, the shot out of focus so we cannot see the identity of the man* VOICE-OVER That one man is no stranger to an OAOAST ring, for he has felt the joy of victory, and the bitterness of defeat… but he has unfinished business. *The silhouette turns around and starts walking away from the camera. He shouts three words that echo out…* “VIVA LAS VEGASSSSS!!!” Take a walk on the wild side, when the OAOAST brings you... HeldDown: Australia September 16 LIVE from the SOLD OUT Telstra Dome in Melbourne, Australia Four Titles on the Line One HUGE Main Event Bloody Oath.

“Stupid(hyper remix)” plays and I’m feeling pretty lazy so I won’t go through the process of describing Chicks Over Dick’s entrance. If you’ve seen them enter once, you’ve seen them enter a million times. Trust me when I say that the crowd cheered, Coach made a number of sexual comments, Caboose mocked him and Cole continued to serve no purpose on the commentary team. The only difference is that tonight, CoD is accompanied by the Muses. Oh baby, baby. Oh baby, baby. Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know that something wasn’t right here. Oh baby, baby, I shouldn’t have let you go Hell’s Hitmen walk out from behind the entrance stage looking downright grotesque. Their appearance of busted straight jackets and dried blood on their faces turns some of the weaker stomached crowd member’s faces a shade of pale white. Both men appear to have been to hell and back and back again. They look nothing like wrestlers, but more like something out of a horror movie or a Resident Evil game. Sadist has a fresh scar running down the side of his neck and Jingus has dried blood built up underneath his finger nails. Neither man looks totally alive, but rather like they’re skirting the fine line between the physical word and the nether realm. My loneliness is killing me. I must confess, I still believe. When I’m not with you I lose my mind. Give me a sign Hit me baby, one more time! CoD is whole another story from Hells Hitmen. Alix is doing her best impression of Britney Spears by doing the “Oops I did it again” dance in the ring. And yes she knows its Baby One More Time that’s playing but she doesn’t know that dance. It’s entirely possible she doesn’t realize the severity of her’s and Krista’s current situation. BUFFER And the opponents in this tag team match, making their way to the ring at a total combined weight of seven hundred and eighteen pounds the team of the Devilman, JINGUS and the miscreation of the unknown, the SAAAAADIST....HELL’S HITMEEEEEEENNN! As Hell’s Hitmen lumber down the entrance ramp, the fans in the front inch away from the barricades out of fear for what the two titans are capable of doing to normal men. No one dares to get any closer to Hell’s Hitmen then they have to and the fans nearly trip over each other trying to get away. COACH Man, these guys look horrifying! CABOOSE What are you on about now? Dried blood on your eye lids is all the rage in Milan! The Hitmen stop at the entrance ramp and stare at Krista and Alix. A nervous production crew member hands JINGUS a microphone at his request. (Jingus is wearing reading glasses. He's going to say something intelligent.) JINGUS Krista Isadora Duncan, born on the six day of the six month in a year that ended with six. Six is the number of imperfection. You are an imperfect person rewarded for imperfect beauty. Worshiped by imperfect sloths who inhabit an imperfect world created by an imperfect entity. It's that imperfection that spells inevitable doom for you and your friend when faced with the minions of the devil, the slaves of sadism, Hell’s Hitmen. KRISTA That was uh...irrelevant. I was born on May the second 1975. Nice try. Next time you want to come off as smart, please know what you're talking about. Okay? Thanks. But congrats! You said that all without cussing, you must've gotten laid. ALIX That explains why Sadist was walking funny backstage. (The fans start to laugh at the joke, but stop short when they see Jingus’ angry glare) JINGUS No one's gotten laid. No one's getting laid. Except you two. Laid out that is. Your insults and childish banter only dig your grave deeper. And that's fine by me and Saddy. It's been so long since we've gotten to hurt girls as pretty as you. We've missed the way you scream when we snap your bones like twigs. You'll be a good tune up for GPX. One team has pussies and the other is one. COLE Fans, I apologize for Jingus' attitude, his language, their appearance, their getting to fight women who are two hundred pounds smaller then them, folks I just apologize for Hell's Hitmen period. I'm sorry they work here and I'm sorry you fans have to see them. In no way shape or form is this a fair match. CABOOSE What do you mean? COLE Look at Alix and Krista and look at Jingus and the Sadist. Alix is the smallest wrestler on the roster and Sadist is the biggest. CABOOSE And? COLE This match should never have been sanctioned! I give Alix and Krista all the credit in the world for showing up without complaint, but the bottom line is that this contest does not need to happen. It's a midcard throwaway match on free TV, to use insider terms. COACH So if it was on pay per view it would be fine? COLE No. It would never be fine. Because it's cruel. It's like pitting a new born puppy against a Mountain Lion. The Board of Directors can fine me if they like, but I have to be honest. It's my duty as a journalist and a person. *DING DING DING DING* Krista and Jingus stare each other down. Krista tries to put on a tough face but its fairly obvious she’s worried about her and her partner’s safety in this match. Standing at a demonic six foot eight, Jingus dwarfs Krista. Loose pieces of dried blood fall from his face and land into her hair. She lets the flakes entangle themselves in her hair as she waits for the inevitable disaster to hit. COLE Without a doubt, Hells Hitmen have to be the most fearsome team we’ve seen in the company. They win matches by intimidation alone. Jingus hits Krista with an angled fist that causes her to stumble back to the ropes. Sadist comes over from his corner and shoves her back to his intimidating partner. THWAP! Jingus locks his clammy hand around her neck and she lets out a softened cry for help! A demented look forms in his eyes and he pushes her backwards. His hold on her neck is the only thing keeping her upright. CRAAAACK! Krista nails him with a boot to the nuts! The Devilman instinctively releases his grasp on Krista’s neck. She starts to run towards the ropes but Jingus grabs a hold of her blonde hair and snaps her head backwards, slamming her entire body into the mat in a sickeningly violent motion! COLE Caboose, you can’t sit there and tell me you think this is a fair match. CABOOSE And I’m not. But their paths all had to cross at some point! Krista starts to get to her feet, and Jingus nails her with a stiff boot to the face! Her entire body twists around awkwardly before falling back to the mat. The fans urge Krista to get up. And she does. Albeit Slowly. Far to slowly in fact, and Jingus is able to hurl her into the ropes with an Irish whip. “Come on, Krista!” Logan shouts on the outside. “If ya can’t do it, no one can.” Tiffany says less then enthusiastically Krista rebounds and Jingus catches her with a spinning spine buster! NO! Krista avoids the potentially career ending move simply by chomping down into Jingus’ forehead! It’s a gross move but it does the trick and Jingus to releases her. She kicks him in the back of the leg and he hobbles sideways a bit. Figuring that she’s caught on to something, she takes another shot at the same spot. Jingus continues to hobble, cussing under his breath. Again she kicks him and Jingus does something that might be considered selling when he drops to his knees! SMAAAACK! Krista dropkicks him square in the face! The blow sends Jingus toppling backwards and he lies on the mat with his face to the ceiling. Krista walks to her corner and makes the tag with Alix! COACH Jingus outweighs Alix by four hundred pounds! CABOOSE Basic math is not your friend. Alix rockets herself into the ring with springboard frog splash and lands smack dab on Jingus’ BUTT ugly face! The offensive maneuver is met with a great crowd pop! Although its likely the fans cheered because they’re happy to see Alix as opposed to being impressed by the frog splash. Alix runs to the ropes and leaps onto the third one. She flies back to the center of the ring with a graceful and gorgeous Lionsault BUT Jingus rolls out the way! The rabid fans breathe a sigh of relief as Alix lands on her feet with no problem! Jingus gets to his and Alix takes to the air with a spinning wheel kick! NO! Jingus catches her entire body in his arms! Alix tries to squirm out of Jingus’ vile clutches but comes up empty handed in the results department. The former woman’s champion drops Alix to the ground with a BIG TIME fall forward slam! The Devilman makes sure that his entire three hundred sixty seven pound body crushes Alix into the mat! The barbaric joy of watching Alix lie hurt and defenseless brought Jingus a never before felt pleasure. The devil himself would have a hard time matching the diabolically perverted gratification Jingus feels at this moment. It should be known that Jingus is not a selfish man. He knows there is another sub-human equally as wicked as himself, if not more so who would delight even more then he did in this carnal carnage, his partner THE SADIST! Jingus makes the tag to the booming abnormality and the crowd is put into a collective hush. Sadist steps into the ring, the flesh on his ogre like face having surrendered its territory to the mass of mysteriously obtained dried blood. COLE Six foot nine! Three hundred and twenty pounds. He is the Sadist! COACH Size isn’t everything. CABOOSE Keep telling yourself that four inches. In a rare show of class, Logan jumps onto the ring apron to protect Alix from Sadist! Bad idea, Lancelot. The Sadist buries his basketball sized fist into Logan’s good looking face and sends the Muse flying off the ring and crashing onto the outside mats! For his part, Tiffany points and laughs at his partner. The Sadist turns his attention to Alix who is on her feet! Sadist tosses a big boot her way but Alix catches his foot!! His leg is so heavy and she’s so light that there isn’t anything she can do with it. Instead she slams his leg back to the ground and drop kicks him in the knee! A normal big man would’ve been adversely affected by the attack on his leg but the Sadist is not a normal big man or a normal anything for that matter! The only reaction he shows is sensually rubbing his hand against his chest. Alix drop kicks him in the leg once again! If you’ve ever what a Tyrannosaurus having an orgasm sounded like just listen to the noise the Sadist made when Alix hit him in his knees. COLE Sadist seemed to enjoy that! COACH Who doesn’t enjoy some kinky abuse? I know I do!......I mean.....uh.... Alix leaps into her mammoth rival with a spinning heel kick. The strike knocks Sadist backwards a few inches but fails to inflict any noticeable damage. Although it does seem to electrify the Sadist sexually and he slips his hand through a hole in the ragged straight jack and starts to gently massages his nipples. COLE This is getting weird.......Folks, we’ll be back. (Go to break) (Return from break) We come back and find that our match hasn’t degenerated into some sort of perverse Femdom porn. Actually its returned to a normal big team Vs little team match and Sadist has Alix in a bear hug. As he tries his damndest to squeeze the last inches of life out of her, her head rests on his enormous shoulders. To some it may look like he’s cradling a human teddy bear, but given the pain and suffering Alix endured during the commercial break we know that was anything but the case. Sadist spots Logan on the ring apron once again out of the corner of his eye! Sadist drops the hold and Alix’s limp body crumples to the mat. Sadist storms over to the ropes and this time Logan takes the fight to him with a stiff forearm to the face! Pieces of blood shoot of Sadist’s face and into the air! Another forearm! And another! BAAAAM! Logan hotly hammers Sadist in the jaw with that gloved left hand! Sadist reels backwards, the loaded glove doing its fair share of damage! He holds his hand to his mouth then slowly pulls it away staring at the blood Logan’s punch drew. “Uh oh.” Logan mutters when he sees the fresh crimson goo on Sadist’s hand. Uh oh is right! Sadist rushes towards Logan and easily disposes of him with a big boot! BAM! Logan’s back smacks into the mat as he lands right next to Tiffany for a second time. And once again, Tiffany laughs at him. Sadist goes back to Alix. He takes her into her arms for what looks to be a fall away slam. But before any action can be taken Krista flies off the top rope and drop kicks her partner in the back! The move elicits an ovation from the sold out crowd! Sadist tumbles backwards and Alix lands on top of him in a lateral press! 1 KICK OUT! SMACK! No Krista didn’t hit Sadist and he didn’t her. She just slapped her forehead when she remembered that Alix had a bad back and driving her feet into Alix’s back was not the best idea. “Stupid stupid stupid.” Krista chastises herself as she returns to the outside. CABOOSE This cheating crap has got to end! COLE She cares about her partner! She’s like a little sister to her, she wants to protect her. You’d do the same for me. Right big sis? CABOOSE Please. “LET’S GO ALIX” “LET’S GO ALIX” The crowd’s chants do nothing to energize Alix. It’s questionable if she can even hear them. She’d tap out but its unlikely if she even has the strength to move her arms to do so. SLAAAAAAM! Sadist drives Alix into the mat with a wicked powerbomb! He’s still holding on to her and slams her back against the canvas with another barbaric powerbomb! The force of the blow shakes the ring to its very foundation! Despite the revolting beating her body has taken so far, Alix has an almost serene look on her face. Sadist continues to play with her the way a dog would with a chew toy. He shows complete disregard for her safety and well being as he drops her like a bad habit with another powerbomb! The crowd works up enough courage to start to get on the beast, urging him in unpleasant words to put her down and show some humanity. But the Sadist does not answer to words only to action. And action is just what Krista Isadora Duncan is going to take in order to save her partner. SMAAAAAACK! Krista shoves the bottom of her shoe right into Sadist’s jaw with a super kick! Sadist wobbles backwards but regains his composure alarmingly quickly! He tries to floor Krista with a viscous haymaker but she side steps it! The clothesline is his next weapon of choice and he attempts to take Krista’s head off with it! But Krista ducks the move and his arm sails over her entire body! Unable to counter his own momentum he clumsily rushes forward and ends up colliding with referee Okarai Tanaka. Tanaka drops like a sack of potatoes and his entire world goes blank. Krista and Sadist turn to each other, then to the ref, then to each other, then Krista makes sure the only thing Sadist will be turning to is an optometrist as she leaps onto him and makes a savagely blood thirsty effort to tear his eyes out with her fingernails! COLE All hell is about to break loose! Perfect for the Devilman! Jingus steps off the ring apron consumed by bloodlust! He emits a bestial roar that would frighten a pack of werewolves then heads over to the time keeper’s area to get a chair! COACH Damn it, somebody stop him! Somebody not named Jonathan Coachman stop him! Your prayers have been answered Coach! Logan in the ultimate act of misguided heroism and romanticism intercepts Jingus! With enraged eyes, Jingus glares at Logan the same way a Lion glares at a Zebra before it mauls it to death and rips out its innards. “Bub, you got to the count of ten to turn that Vader wannabe ass of yours around or else you and me are gonna have a serious fucking....problem, bub.” Logan speaks in his best impression of Wolverine. His hands are shaking and his confident words don’t match his true feelings of total fear. “1..2..3...4...” “Die.” BAM! Jingus smokes Logan with a clothesline to the throat! The move folds the rock n wrestling superstar up like an accordion! That would’ve been enough right there to shut Logan up but Jingus feels like teaching him a long lasting lesson! Jingus grabs Logan and shoves him between his legs! He lifts him high onto his shoulders and with the crowd cheering for what could be a highlight worthy move, walks towards the steel barricade and powerbombs him into the front row! The fans who aren’t keen on having a two hundred fifteen pound body dropped on them scatter about and Logan is driven back first into a row of empty folding chairs! The chairs collapse in on themselves then fall onto Logan’s dazed body. COLE My word! Logan is dead! Logan is dead! COACH I hope he wrote me into his will. I know we just met and all but still...I’m the COACH! Jingus turns to Tiffany and points a menacing finger at him. Flashing an insincere smile, Tiffy backs away from Jingus and holds his hands in the air. He lets the Devilman know that he’s got “Much love” for him and what he does. Jingus ignores Tiffany’s empty praises and grabs hold of the chair he came for.’ COLE Jingus has a chair! CABOOSE Really earning that paycheck tonight with those spot on observations, aren’t you. Jingus slides into the ring and focuses all his rage on Krista! The problem is that Krista happens to focus all her rage on him! We all know that a pissed off woman is a lot more dangerous then a pissed off man! Jingus learns that the hard way as Krista kicks him in the balls for the second time in the match! The chair falls out of Jingus’ hand and the surprisingly intelligent fans taunt him with chants of “EUNUCH!” Krista grabs a hold of Jingus’ head and falls backwards driving him into the steel chair! Jingus face smacks against the weapon he had intended to use to destroy Krista! Cruel irony! His head pops up before he finally flops over onto the mat. Krista picks up the chair and turns her primal fury on a now standing Sadist! She hammers him square in the face with the chair and his head snaps back violently! The blow dazes him but he remains standing! Krista hits him again and again his head bounces back like a ball on a string! But he’s still standing! She lets fly another chair shot! This time her wild blast opens a deep cut on his forehead! If it would’ve been anyone else in this ring they would’ve gone down robbed of their consciousness, but the Sadist refuses to fall! And Krista refuses to stop trying! Screaming out in brutish animosity she wallops the chair against the side of his head! The crowd is now on their feet counting after every chair shot! The last attack sends him rocking to the left! Krista does it again only to the other side of his head and he goes stumbling to the right! The dried blood falls from his face and its place comes new liquid. Krista raises the chair high above her head and a thunderous holler filled with roaring scorn escapes from her body as she lowers the chair onto the top of the Sadist’s thick skull! The barbarous sound of steel meeting flesh slices through the arena air like a sharpened knife. The soulless fiend drops to his knees and weakly holds his hands to the burning crimson mask his face has become. Krista’s body trembles with both fear and fury as she prepares to hit the archfiend with another chair shot. She doesn’t have to. Sadist’s eyes close, his face turns to a peaceful blankness and he falls backwards. With the crowd chanting her name for the first time ever, Krista sighs and drops the chair out of her hand. She takes Alix’s motionless arm and places onto Sadist’s chest. She shakes Okari Tanaka out of his stupor and drags him to Alix and Sadist. Despite his dizziness he counts the pin. The enthused crowd counts with him and Krista leans against the ropes enjoying the fruit of her labor. CROWD 1 CROWD 2 CROWD & KRISTA 3!! “Stupid” plays one more time as the fans exchange high fives with each other despite doing NOTHING!!!!! Tiffany Ruutu scampers to the back, neglecting to see if his partner needs any sort medical attention. If Hells Hitmen come to any time soon there going lay a beating on any one they can get their hands on and Tiffy doesn’t want to be one of those people. Krista grabs an unmoving Alix and literally carries her backstage as the fans shower them with cheers. COACH What a huge victory for Alix and Krista! But at what cost? This is just speculation, but isn’t it possible Alix could’ve been severely injured in this match? CABOOSE Speaking of being injured what about the number Jingus did on Logan? COLE I have to give him credit, he did a stand up move in trying to halt Jingus’ rampage. That was a nasty fall and he’s just another in a long line of people who want Hell’s Hitmen’s heads. Fan’s coming up we have......God lord....Jingus and Sadist....they’ve got referee Okari Tanaka cornered. Jesus, no! Tanaka just slapped Jingus! COACH HUGE MISTAKE. COLE Let him go, Jingus! Put him down! He’s not a wrestler! This isn’t right! BURNING HAMMER! BURNING HAMMER to a fifty five year old man who couldn’t weigh more then a buck twenty.......Not again.....No not again. A THIRD BURNING HAMMER! That’s enough! This is sick! The actions of Hell’s Hitmen have been.....GOD LORD A DEVIL BOMB BY JINGUS! A DEVIL BOMB! WE’VE SEEN ENOUGH! Tanaka is dead! He’s dead! These two, I hesitate to call them men, these two monsters have done....my word....No!!!!! Now Sadist has him! That’s enough damn it! Somebody put a stop to this!!! “GPX! GPX! GPX!” The crowd chants in unison. COACH Here comes OAOAST security! CABOOSE Lambs to the slaughter. “GPX! GPX! GPX!” COLE My stars and garters! Sadist with a DOUBLE CHOKESLAM to two of our security staff members! He hit another one with a big boot! Oh god!!! Sadist just got another one with a clothesline! Three men are down!...... And a fourth just got powerbombed!!!!!! These are people with families. They aren’t trained to handle this kind of....SIT OUT CHOKE SLAM BY JINGUS! Look at the carnage! God almighty look at the carnage! These aren’t small men, folks. These security guards get into the upper two hundreds in weight and Hells Hitmen have disposed of them like children. I feel sick. Zack Malibu’s new theme song is called Getting Away With Murder and I think Hell’s Hitmen has done just that. As much as I despise teams like Black T and the Midnights I don’t think they’d ever stoop to the level of Hell’s Hitmen. CABOOSE Chicks Over Dicks may have won the match but the true losers are everybody in the OAOAST. Beware GPX! This is your fate! COACH Let’s go to something else!

"Black" cues up over the arena loudspeakers, and the fans boo their hearts out. COLE What the...this isn't right! Hoff and Stevens aren't scheduled until later tonight! CABOOSE Well, maybe Hoff has something to say! Ever think about that? COLE Hoff always has something to say, but that doesn't mean he should be out here! The lights go down and the music blares, as on the stage, Calvin Szechstein emerges in his street clothes, looking to the back. COLE Wait, why is Calvin out-- oh boy. COACH Injured? COLE No way. Calvin holds the curtain open, and Hoff makes his way out...on crutches. The fans boo as Hoff hobbles through the curtains, then starts down the aisle, with Calvin helping him to stand. CABOOSE Oh, no! What happened?! COLE Caboose, come on! He's not injured! He was fine last week! CABOOSE Fie on you, wanker! A lot can happen in a week! Oh, man, I hope it's not career-threatening... COACH He does have crutches, Mikey. Cole rolls his eyes as Hoff, gritting his teeth, makes his way to the ring. Calvin enters first, sliding in under the bottom rope, then springing to his feet as Hoff slides his crutches in. Cal grabs the crutches, and Hoff crawls into the ring under the bottom strand. Calvin helps him to his feet and hands him his crutches before getting a microphone from the timekeeper. COLE Hoff has a match later on and-- CALVIN Excuse me! The fans jeer as Calvin shoots them a perturbed glance. CALVIN I said, excuse me...would everyone who's not a member of the Thrillogy be quiet for one tiny second? Cal rolls his eyes and makes a face as the Boston crowd lets him know how they feel. Cal passes the mic to Hoff, who nods. Hoff looks out at the crowd with a sincere expression on his face. CABOOSE I can't believe he's even out here right now. What a gamer. COLE Would you stop. Hoff clears his throat before speaking. HOFF First of all, thank you Calvin, for being my support out here in this time of trouble. The fans boo as Calvin nods at Hoff, clasping him on the arm. Caboose applauds from the booth. HOFF Anyway, as you can all plainly see, I've been in a bit of an accident. As it happens, I was out skiing with my family, when I was assaulted by a stray grizzly bear... The fans boo the statement. COLE He can't expect anyone to believe this! HOFF Now, I managed to escape with my life, but unfortunately, the bear scratched and bit my left leg, leaving me with some nerve damage. Now, the good news is, I shouldn't miss much time...maybe not even more than a week. But the bad news... Hoff looks down and attempts to compose himself. HOFF The bad news is...I won't be able to give you fans the match you want tonight. The crowd goes hostile as Hoff rests his head in his hands. CABOOSE Aw, cut him some slack, people! See, he's crying! COACH No...he's laughing! And now Cal is too! Indeed, Calvin has joined in, and the two men are near doubled over in laughter. COLE Well I don't see what's so funny about-- Cole is cut off as "Bound for the FLoor" blares over the arena speakers, and a cheer goes up from the stands! COACH Uh-oh! Here comes trouble! CABOOSE Now what business does he have out here? The fans stand as Chris Stevens comes out to ringside, in full gear. Stevens looks at Hoff and Calvin, shaking his head before sliding into the ring. Stevens stands up, and locks eyes with Hoff, pacing around the Thrillogy members. Stevens and Cal lock eyes for a second, before Stevens gets a mic from ringside. STEVENS You ought to be ashamed of yourself. The fans pop as Hoff protests, but Stevens ignores him. STEVENS Look at you. A BEAR?! Jeez, Hoff, that's a lame story, even from you. You used to be the greatest when it came to spreading lies, and now you've resorted to this. It's really pretty sad. Hoff looks indignant. HOFF Lies?! Chris, my story is 100% genuine. I was skiing and-- STEVENS You don't even like skiing!! Remember, big boy, I know you. And I can see right past what you're trying to pull. The two men glare at each other for a second. STEVENS What is it, Hoff? Are you really so afraid to face me? HOFF I... Hoff shuts his mouth, and Stevens smirks. COACH Whoa! Looks like Stevens hit a nerve! Hoff freezes, holding hte mic to his lips. Calvin, incredulous, turns and looks at Hoff, but the big man quickly shakes his head. HOFF I'm not afraid of you, Chris! I never have been, and I never will be. And furthermore, who are you to be the voice of morality? Didn't I see you grab a chair last week to use on Gunner? I'm pretty sure I did, I had some good seats for that matchup. Hoff smirks smugly as Stevens bristles. COACH Hoff makes a good point! STEVENS Listen, *BLEEP*hole!! I'm through talking! Now like it or not, you and I have a match tonight, so I suggest you get ready! HOFF I'm not fighting you! STEVENS Oh, I think you are! HOFF Not as long as I have....THIS! COLE What the hell is he talking about? Stevens cocks his head as Hoff reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a slip of paper, which he hands to Stevens. Stevens unfolds it and reads, his expression turning sour. HOFF That's right, Christine, read it and weep! I have a doctor's diagnosis stating that I am unfit to compete! This week, the only fighting I'm doing is with Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots! Cal, I'll play you when we get to the back. CALVIN All right, but I call the blue one. HOFF Suit yourself. Stevens rereads the memo, then crumples it up and drops it. STEVENS So. You found a doctor to forge you clearance. Hoff smiles, nodding slightly. STEVENS Well. That's just great. Unfortunately, there was nothing on that note about ME KICKING YOUR ASS!! The crowd pops as Stevens fires a huge right hand that knocks Hoff off his crutches and to the floor! Calvin moves in, and he and Stevens lock up in a flurry of punches! The two tangle, and Stevens gets the upper hand, knocking Calvin backwards with blow after blow. Stevens rears back as Calvin stutters...and gets FLOORED as Hoff snaps a crutch across his back! COLE What?!? There's nothing wrong with Hoff at all! Look! Hoff looks down at Stevens before walking to where his other crutch had fallen. Hoff bends over and grabs the crutch as Calvin picks up Stevens, slapping him across the face before holding his arms behind his back. Hoff walks over with the crutch...rears back...and swings the crutch into Stevens' gut! Cal lets Stevens fall, and Stevens collapses, coughing. Cal and Hoff high-five before heading out of the ring and up the ramp, laughing at Stevens the whole way. CABOOSE Brilliant! COLE Come on, Caboose! It was a damn dirty trick! CABOOSE And it worked! Pure genius! COLE Well, at any rate, we will sadly not be seeing Hoff vs. Stevens tonight. But is Hoff truly afraid of Stevens? That's what I wanna know! The crowd boos mercilessly as we cut to a shot of Robert “Father” Edwards’ grinning face. He’s sitting inside a helicopter on the rooftop of the arena. FATHER Good evening. Last week the person I used to call son came out to the ring and begged the Board of Directors to have me reinstated, but he forgot one thing. He’s not in control. I am in control and sitting next to me is one man who knows that all too well now. *The camera pans back to show Bill Watts sitting next to Father looking very uncomfortable.* FATHER Mr. Watts tell these fans how this is going to go down. *Watts sighs and looks at the camera* WATTS You son of a bitch…I’m not giving in to this. FATHER Do you value your job? WATTS Yes, but… FATHER But nothing! You made a biased decision in Rick’s favor for AngleSlam now it’s my turn. WATTS Blurricane…I regret…I regret to inform you that your request cannot be granted. FATHER That’s more like it. Now give him the good news. WATTS Your request cannot be granted without you earning it first. If you can defeat both Christopher Cain and J. Arthur Edwards in a handicap match tonight then your request to have Father reinstated will be granted and you will get a match with him at the PPV. *Watts buries his face in his hand and looks sick* FATHER See Rick I’m a fair man. I’ve given you your chance to earn your shot at me. Good luck. *Father laughs as we fade out and cut back to sofa central* COLE Can you believe this!? COACH Sure I can…we just heard it. COLE You know what I mean! CABOOSE What’s the big deal Cole? Father is making Blurricane earn it for once. COLE You know he can’t win this handicap match! CABOOSE Yeah I do and that’s life…so he’ll just have to live with it.

LPYC, I'm putting the show up at seven... I'll leave a space for one of the mods or myself to edit your stuff in, the PATS~ are on tonight. Anyway, yeah... 7 PM deadline still stands, kids.

I'm being honest here, Spiff, my internet's been fucking up lately and I meant to send these in four hours ago... Tennessee: 14 New England Arizona Baltimore N.Y. Jets Detroit Jacksonville Oakland San Diego Seattle Washington Tennessee Atlanta Minnesota N.Y. Giants Kansas City Carolina

Calvin will step in and post, if the need be. Have your shit in to me by 7 EST on Thursday.

I'm curious -- how much for the Robitaille?

MAIN EVENT Toxxic vs "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens -> Much as I like Toxx, I think Mark may get a storyline win here. ICTV TITLE BOUT NO-DQ MATCH The Masked Man vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix© -> Mask may be around even less than Landon, but he's the best writer in the fed for my money. Plus, Empire pride, babe. FINISHER MATCH "The Notorious" John Duran vs Nathan Xavier -> Supposedly John will write. I don't buy it, and Hades has more to gain by winning, so we'll take him. CRUSIERWEIGHT RULES MATCH Ryan Dustin vs The Birdman -> The Birdman, dad, he flies in any weather. TRIPLE THREAT USJL TITLE BOUT Ace Lezaire vs Bryan Levy vs David Cross© -> I can't see Muzz or Kibs gaining anything by holding the USJL belt, and in turn see no reason why they would want it when they can both compete at higher levels. The baffling booking of the match aside, I know Ace requested this match, but I'm really hoping Cross can pull out the win. SINGLES MATCH Andrea Montgomery vs Austin Sly -> Drea, for no real reason. SINGLES MATCH Mike Van Siclen vs Sean Davis -> Push. I don't know how much writing I'm going to want to do this week, and Jackie's got a hurricane coming. SINGLES MATCH Spike Jenkins vs Todd Cortez -> No push needed, here. Zack's game has improved vastly from the impressive stuff he came here with, and I think it's strong enough to overcome Spike here.

Yeah, we're pretty face right now. I still need to update my stats, so thanks for reminding me. That said... we're still title match-less for Genesis, I believe. So that line is open -- I personally would like to see TLC, or something along those lines. Anyway, yeah, if you'd like to set up an angle leading into that, PM Zack or I, and we'll get to-crackin'. Also, uh, we're going to break J&R's record as longest-reigning Tag champs on Lockdown, if nobody's around to stop us. So, if you don't want that delightful piece of near-blasphemy to happen, again, PM Zack or I and we'll set up a tag defence for Storm or Lockdown, possibly as part of an angle.

Calvin Szechstein run-in, on the other hand, is more than likely. I've had a crush on that girl since I beat her twice for the strap last year. Oh, and, uh, I guess the Love Doctors might be in the house as well, if I can come up with something better than the tripe I wrote last week. Who knows?

Even Munich is ignoring the nutbite. God damn.

I dunno, I would've liked to see that handled... better. I don't quite know how, but there must be some way to ensure that that doesn't happen again. Anyway... good show all around. Toxxic's all over the place, and there's a lot of big developments that I refuse to spoil, except for one thing... Sup now?

And Spike tries to be cute. Honestly, King? I don't think it's completely your fault, because it should've been hammered out in the show thread. However, I feel that editing Landon or Johnny's promo to make it fit later in the show would've been better than "LET'S PRETEND." That's all I'm saying.

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