Chuck Woolery

... who was supposed to write that match, anyhow? I didn't even know I was supposed to be in the semis until, well, you made that post -- I was under the impression I was bowing out to Sly. I suppose that's my fault for not checking in with Sly, but there's a lot of disorganization that went into this PPV, myself included and probably placed on high for all to stone. Anyway... yeah, who was supposed to write that match? I'm curious, now.

...what does that even mean? Jeez, TNA, at least try to post coherent sentences on your official previews. On the other hand, Kash/Styles excites me, as does Raven/Sabu. If I wasn't so certain that they overbooked this card, I'd order it right away.

My stuff is in, and much to my chagrin, it's a bit shorter than all the other matches.

Isn't caviar supposed to taste like cum? Maybe that explains it...

Math time! Let's say you have a sixteen man tournament. This gives you eight first round matches, four quarterfinal matches, two semifinal matches, and one final match. Using your setup, there would be twelve matches on day one, and three on day two. Obviously, there is very little balance here. However, by placing the quarterfinal matches on day two, you have eight matches on day one, and seven on day two -- the most even balance possible given the setup. You can literally apply this formula to any tournament and come up with the same result: there will always be more first-round matches than in the rest of the tournament combined. Cheers.

I think it'd work if Mistress Sarah wasn't, you know... white.

There is a lone camera set up, facing an empty chair. This is all we see for a few moments, and then Mike Van Siclen walks into the frame, sitting in the chair. He looks straight into the lens, speaking clearly as we watch. "I know that you'll be watching this tape. I know because I'm sending it back to you, because I know you'd love to have me back. I know he's been good to you, and I'm certain that you've been happy on his arm all of the time. I'm sure you're thrilled that you look like a dirty whore on television show after show, and I'll let you know that my arm's been cold without you hanging off of it." Van Siclen smiles. "Maybe he really does think you belong to him. He'd be even more deranged than we all thought then, wouldn't he? I'm sure that by now there are many, many people that think you and him are together. It's a pity that you were mine first, and that no matter what other people may say, you're still mine. I fought for you, I bled for you, I deserve the privelege of having you on my shoulder!" From his pocket, Van Siclen produces a plane ticket. "But fear not. I'm coming back to get you. This Sunday, I will be at Ground Zero. And my first order of business is bringing you back home where you belong. And then, Wildchild, or the Birdman, or whoever wants to come at me can do it! I'm the best man in this federation, and the fact that you're not with me right now is a travesty." Van Siclen sighs. "I know he's taken good care of you, and you might not want to come home. But this is where you belong, dear. And this Sunday in Texas, you're coming home." FADE TO BLACK.

I dunno, I thought the line about the Terminator winning the election was pretty sweet, but the song on a whole comes off (to me at least) as trying to be too thought-provoking. It's a good track, definitely better than the shit with Pharrell on the album, but not his best. As for causing controversy... ah well. He's not the first to say it and not the last, and I'm sure the people listening to his albums will be voting for Kerry whether Jada is bashing Bush or not.

Dateline: 21 July 2004. 8:00 pm, Hawaiian Standard Time RING, RING The sound of Mike Van Siclen’s cell phone distracts him just as he’s about to leave his cottage to head out for yet another wild Hawaiian night. With a frustrated sigh, he walks back into the bedroom and picks it up off of the dresser. “I’ll just be a minute,” he calls to his female companion. “Hello?” “Mike,” says the nervous voice of Todd Cortez. “Thank goodness I was able to get a hold of you!” “Todd,” says an irritated Spectacle. “I’m on my way to dinner; what do you want?” “Mike,” says Todd, “I thought you should know, the word in the back these days is that Wildchild is coming back, and he’s looking to get even with you!” Van Siclen groans and rolls his eyes. “Is that all? I’ve got a hot wahine waiting for me outside, and you bothered me for that? ” “Dude, I’m just looking out for you, that’s all,” replies Cortez. “I don’t want you to be caught off guard!” “Todd, first of all,” growls Van Siclen, “what difference does it make whether or not he’s over there looking for me, as long as I’m out here? And secondly, who fucking cares? Like I’m supposed to be afraid of him?” “That’s not what I meant, Mike,” sighs Todd. “You know that; it’s just…” “So, what’s the big deal,” says the Spectacle, raising his voice. “Let the little freak come! I’ll break his other fucking shoulder if he even tries to get near me!” “Well, okay,” says Cortez. “If you’re sure…” “Wait, wait, wait a minute,” interrupts Van Siclen. “As long as I’ve got you on the phone, I’ve been meaning to ask you: what’s the deal with you and the Masked Man? You trying to replace me?” “What the hell is your problem,” asks Cortez. “Are you paranoid, or something?” “Hey, I just heard that you two were getting awfully close, lately,” replies Mike. “I just want to make sure that I still have a tag team championship to return to.” Cortez casts his eyes skyward. “For the love of… Alright, fine! If that’s the way you want to play this, let’s talk about that! If it weren’t for you, the Masked Man wouldn’t be in the picture in the first place, would he? Who’s the one who left me to fend for myself, Mike? Who’s the one who decided to take a vacation after a title defense had already been booked, MIKE? ” “…” “Oh yeah,” growls Todd. “Didn’t think I’d find out about that, did you?” “Hey, Todd,” stammers Van Siclen, “there was nothing I could do…” “Nothing you could do,” shouts Cortez. “You trying to tell me that you had no choice but to leave me holding the bag just before a title defense?” “Look,” says Mike quickly, “we can talk about this later. I’ve got reservations in less than an hour, and if I piss this girl off, I’m going to have to find some other chick in town!” “Forget about that bitch,” screams Cortez. “We need to talk about this…” BEEP! “...NOW! ... Hello?” Todd calls into his phone from inside Madison Square Garden. “Hello?” Back in Maui, Mike Van Siclen closes his cell phone and places it back on the dresser. “Sorry about that,” he says to his date. “I had a small business emergency that I had to tend to. But, I promise that the rest of the evening is all about you, babe!” With that, the Spectacle and his female companion climb into his rented Escalade and drive towards the city. As it passes by a group of trees, an unseen pair of eyes tracks it’s every movement. As soon as the Escalade is out of sight, the owner of the mysterious pair of eyes darts from the brush and in the direction of Van Siclen’s cottage, the setting sun illuminating his bronze skin, his light brown braids flying behind him. End Part One

Tennessee over Seattle.

"Look, Todd, I've told you -- I put in my vacation time before we won the Tag belts." Our scene opens up on a Motel 6 somewhere in Boston, where Mike Van Siclen is pacing around one of the tiny beds. Todd Cortez is sitting on the other, and both mens' title belts are sitting on the end table. The two members of Hollywood Boulevard are obviously tense, and Van Siclen is trying to calm Cortez down. "Mike, can't you reschedule or something? I mean, it's five shows, and you'd be rusty for the pay-per-view. What if Zenon wants us to defend? Do you want me to go out there in a handicap match?" "Todd, look, I'm sure Zenon won't make you defend them for us. And even if he does, so what? It'll be the Boy Scouts again, and it's not like we didn't make quick work of them the last few times. You could take one of the guys from the Oat Toast or whatever and make them your partner, and we'd still win." "Mike, we're partners, not me and someone else." Van Siclen looks at Cortez, and the full irony of the whole situation sinks into both men. Cortez, from the streets, and Van Siclen, the cocky veteran who has lived the high life, and somehow, they are the most fluid tag team in the SWF today. It boggles the mind, really, but the truth of it is not lost on Van Siclen, and he takes a seat on the bed opposite Cortez. "Look, Todd, I'm absolutely positive that Zenon will not book us in a title match while I'm gone. And even if he does, he's going to have to do it before I leave, and I'll just smack him around a bit and make sure he doesn't do anything." "Mike, that's not the point. The point is that you're leaving me high and dry here, when we're supposed to be the tag team champions, emphasis on team." "I understand, Todd, but... I don't know. Just take my word for it -- Alex will not be putting you into a title defence while I'm away. Okay?" "... fine." "Good. Now, about Lockdown... we're going to need you on the outside with us." "Who is we?" "The Tecnicos." "... the Tecnicos?" "Yeah, me, Toxx, JD, King and Hunt. Don't you watch Mexican wrestling?" "...no." "Well, we had a meeting earlier, and we figure that we're obviously the good guys here." "Okay. What does this have to do with my presence?" "Well, Todd, they have Steve the Cameraman, Allison Onita, and Megan Skye at ringside, that we know for sure. And this is a pretty big match, so Chris Card and Natasha will probably be out there, too. So we need something to combat that, since right now we have... Jet and Kelly. We need somebody who can throw Card and Allison around, and that, my faithful partner, is you." "... fine. You do owe me for this, though." "Yeah, and I owe you for taking time off, too. I'll try to work my pull into a title shot for you or something." "Thanks, bro." "Anytime." The two men go back to conversing, but it's obvious that some doubt remains in Cortez. Van Siclen is thinking it, too, though he would never state it. How people think Van Siclen is carrying the team, how people think that Cortez can't do it on his own. Mike would never admit it, but deep down he knows that this might be just his way of testing Cortez, seeing if he can get the job done on his own. Does Mike trust Todd's ability that much? As Todd exits the room, Mike indirectly gives us his answer, pulling out a cell phone and dialing an obviously familiar number. "Hey, Alex? You know that title defence scheduled for Storm... do you think we could get that canceled?" Mike seemingly notices the camera suddenly and covers the lens, forcing us to... FADE OUT.

6'2" and 200. I could stand to lose a couple of pounds of fat and gain a couple of pounds of muscle, but I think I look pretty much okay.

SINGLES MATCH Rob Gilbert vs Hollywood Spike Jenkins HARDCORE MATCH Austin Sly vs Ryan Dustin SINGLES MATCH Alan Clark vs Todd Cortez SINGLES MATCH Sean Davis vs Munich SINGLES MATCH Manson vs Dace Night TEN MAN TAG Tom Flesher, Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix, Ace Lezaire, Edward James, and Petey the Irish Penguin vs Mike Van Siclen, Toxxic, Jamie Drazon, Martin “Big Country” Hunt and “The Icon” Max King

SINGLES MATCH Rob Gilbert vs Hollywood Spike Jenkins -> Spike looks motivated and Gilbert's still got a bit of rust, so smart money says Spike. HARDCORE MATCH Austin Sly vs Ryan Dustin -> Oooh the remix. The hardcore environment in theory favors the hardcore champion, but Sly's been on a roll lately, so we'll go with him. SINGLES MATCH Alan Clark vs Todd Cortez -> Hmm... Boulevard pride says Cortez. SINGLES MATCH Sean Davis vs Munich -> Sean Davis sounds about right. SINGLES MATCH Manson vs Dace Night -> I like Dace's chances here, but I'm hoping he succumbs to the POWER OF MANSONOCITY~! TEN MAN TAG Tom Flesher, Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix, Ace Lezaire, Edward James, and Petey the Irish Penguin vs Mike Van Siclen, Toxxic, Jamie Drazon, Martin “Big Country” Hunt and “The Icon” Max King -> Aww snap. I'm thinking that Team Heel (+1 Face) is going to come out on top, if only because I'm there to carry the team.

Updated 8/30 for face turn. --- Name: Mike Van Siclen Acceptable Nicknames: The Spectacle, Hollywood Height: 6’4” Weight: 241 Hometown: Harrison, Illinois Age: 25 Face/Heel: A face who's very, very sure of himself. Borderline cocky. Stable: The Urban Empire (with Todd Cortez and the Masked Man, and always looking for new members...) Tag Team: Hollywood Boulevard (with Todd Cortez) Ring Escort: None. Weapon: Use what yo mama gave you. Quote: “That’s what I said!” Looks: Blue eyes and long blonde hair, often loosely tied back. Walks backstage in a dress shirt and dress pants, occasionally wearing the black bowler that was first introduced in the Casino Brawl match.. In the ring, wears black wristbands and long black tights, with the maroon letters "MVS" interlocking on the side. Feel free to mix-and-match colors there -- I've had pure white tights with a silver MVS stencil before, so feel free to mix-and-match. Ring Entrance: "I’m head of the class… I’m popular…” “Popular” by Nada Surf kicks up, as gold pyro begins to fountain up on the top of the entrance ramp and Mike Van Siclen leaps out from behind the curtain, walking down the ramp with a slick smile on his face. He mockingly points to some fans before sliding into the ring, nodding at the crowd like, “Yeah, I’m the best,” and waiting for his opponent to come out. Tag Entrance: The echoing guitar riffs and smooth opening saxophone of "Rush Against the Grain" by Dave Gagne hit the speakers, the crowd's buzzing growing more intense as the frantic drumbeat starts, accompanied by... *BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!* Four blue pyros go off, and the crowd goes (adjective meaning "loud") as Mike Van Siclen and Todd Cortez leap through the curtain! Van Siclen yells at the crowd, firing both them and himself up as Cortez raises his cross to his lips, kissing it and crossing his arms in front of his stomach! (Funyon) Stats: Strength: 4 Speed: 4 Vitality: 7 Charisma: 5 Style: Van Siclen has enough strength and speed to survive the first few minutes, but beyond that he'll rely on his ring generalism to get by. Game Plan: Mike targets the neck with the majority of his offence, trying to set up the Riot Act to set up the Cardinal Sin Clutch or just get the pin. Mike has excellent balance and poise in the ring... he's a somewhat boring worker, but everything he does is done very fluidly. This can be disrupted if the opponent targets the legs (see: Fugue/MVS, Mak/MVS, Tom/MVS). As another note, Van Siclen simply can not hold most people in the air for extended periods of time. This is why, if you'll notice, most of his lifts are very brief -- the Snap Suplex, the German, even the Van Slaminator can be done very swiftly. However, if you're of a weight that Van Siclen can hold you in the air for a long time, well, he will, and he'll smile and wink at the camera while doing so. This brings me to my final note -- Van Siclen is always very aware of where the cameras are in relation to himself, and he'll slip in a wink, a nod, a smile, a wave, or some other form of acknowledgement at different points during the match. This will generally get a decent pop, because it can usually be seen on the Smarktron. Signature Moves: - Van Slaminator (A back-to-belly piledriver, set up countless ways. Is potent enough to put you down for the three, but usually isn't used as such. The equivalent of a Stunner -- Mike can literally pull this out from anywhere.) - Crossface Black (Get the opponent into a standing crossface, then fall back Edge-o-Matic style, with the opponent's head landing on Van Siclen's knee. Set up in almost slow motion.) - The Answer (Twisting Body Splash in the corner, with a little forearm to the face for insulting emphasis. It’s a Stinger splash, only with a 360º spin proceeding it. Formerly Wildchild’s “Blue Crush”, lifted by Van Siclen as a way of reminding people of what happened to the Caribbean. This is the only move of Van Siclen's that will still get a consistent boo, and though it doesn't last long, it is there.) - Code Red (Van Siclen gets his opponent into DDT position, only instead of DDTing them, comes around like the Eye of the Hurricane or the Final Cut and grabs his opponent by the hair, forcing their face into the mat. Can be done off a ladder or onto a chair as an alternate finisher.) - Superkick (Yeah yeah, everyone uses it, and Van Siclen has picked it up as his flash pinfall maneuver. Typically used in tag matches to cut off the opponent's momentum, this has gotten Hollywood Boulevard the win on at least one occasion.) - Guillotine Leg Drop - Moonsault Common Moves: - Sitout Jawbreaker -> - Double Leg Wishbone -> These two moves often occur consecutively and somewhat out of nowhere, if Mike makes a key reversal at a point in the match. - Rectal Stretch (Opponent on back, Van Siclen puts foot between legs and pulls on their legs. Feel free to bridge the DLW into this, and it can be built to with nutshot psychology. All that I ask is that I don't bite anyone's nuts.) - Swinging Neckbreaker - Two-Handed Facebuster - Drop Toe Hold (Van Siclen adores this move, and it is his most common Irish Whip counter) - Jericho's Springboard Dropkick to the Outside - Backdrop - Snap Suplex - German Suplex (release or bridged… he never does the rolling Germans) - Powerslam (quick and dirty) - Spinning Wheelkick Striking Notes: - Van Siclen adores the bitchslap. - Aside from the superkick, Van Siclen doesn't have a real strong kick. - Forearms and bitchslaps are most commonly used, although on occasion he'll pull out a closed-fist punch. - Never ever EVER have him do knife-edged chops. Those things fucking suck. Rare Moves: - Van Siclen’s Gambit (or just ‘the Gambit’) (450* Frog Splash, used as a rare finisher in a high-profile match. Given the nature of Van Siclen's offence, he'll signal for this move by putting his hands in the shape of a gun and pressing it to his temple.) - Sin Aerial (Corkscrew 450* Legdrop. Like the Gambit, Van Siclen will signal for this with a crucifix pose on the top rope.) - Super Riot Act (Styles Clash '03 from the second rope. No amount of writing skill will permit you to kick out of this, so don't use it unless you're jobbing.) Finishers: - Riot Act (Van Siclen puts the opponent into a standing headscissors, grabbing them around the waist and hoisting them up so that the opponent is dangling, with his head around Van Siclen's knees. Van Siclen proceeds to jump slightly, landing on his knees and driving his opponent headfirst into the mat. This is commonly referred to as the "Styles Clash '03" by NWA-TNA fans, and there's a vid of it floating around the 'net. Unless you write it DAMN good, you will not be kicking out of this.) - Cardinal Sin Clutch (Gokuraku Clutch, a Crossface from the Camel Clutch position. Tap to this sumbitch.) Tag Finisher: "That Special Place" Van Siclen lifts the opponent onto his shoulders for an electric chair drop, and Cortez gets in front of him, catching him as Van Siclen throws him down with a stunner. Stunner/Electric Chair Drop combo for those of you not wanting my obese description. “Varsity Blues” Sitout jawbreaker from Van Siclen, and as he sits out Cortez superkicks the opponent in the jaw right over Van Siclen’s head

You guys can't be more heel than us, Petey the Irish Penguin is on your team.

Team Heel (+1 Face), I'll cover the opening 3k or so, because I'm not going to be here Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday. That beats PMing four other guys. Now, someone let me know when they want it and who I'm sending it to, via PM or on the board if you'd rather.

Updated through this post. While I'm here, it'd be pretty sweet if someone with a lot of free time (aka not me) looked up the show for every title change, and we linked them from the start/end dates. Just sayin'.

I'll take that Italian championship shot, holmes. And, uh, I'm pretty sure I'm in the deathmatch tourney already, but if not -- yeah, I'm in.

I say me, Henderson and Kostka all go to the Crunk Machine, and Tipsy Gesner goes there for the "Err'body In The Club Gettin'" pun.

Uh, dudes? Johnny already cashed in on his ICTV contendership. How am I the only one that remembers this?

MAIN EVENT TORNADO TAG TEAM MATCH "The Superior One" Tom Flesher & Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix vs Toxxic & Jay Dawg -> Eh, let's pick the underdog for no real reason. Toxx and JD. CAGE MATCH ICTV TITLE CONTENDERSHIP Johnny Dangerous vs Aecas -> Johnny should take this one, but Aecas is capable of an upset. TAG TEAM MATCH TAG TEAM TITLE BOUT Hollywood Boulevard© (Todd Cortez & Mike Van Siclen) vs The Wayward Sons (Ced Ordonez & Edward James) -> I'm going to make this real simple: The only way we're losing is if we suddenly decide we don't want the tag belts anymore. SINGLES MATCH USJL TITLE BOUT The Masked Man© vs Alan Clark -> Supes is my homeboy, he should take this one. SCALED DOWN SURVIVOR SERIES TAG MATCH HARDCORE TITLE CONTENDERSHIP Martin "Big Country" Hunt, Petey the Irish Penguin & Munich vs Heath Black, "The Icon" Max King & Manson -> I think Black is the most likely to put both writing and showing together, honestly, but with that said we'll make the safe choice in King. SINGLES MATCH NON-TITLE BOUT Austin Sly© vs Ryan Dustin© -> I like Sly, but Dustin showed on the last show he can bring it, so we'll go with Dustin, who's the slight underdog here. SINGLES MATCH Rob Gilbert vs Sean Davis -> Sean should add a middle name like Tiberius so we can call him STD. That said, I haven't seen his work, so we'll say Robbie for the second dubya.

(Janus) Never point out one person bitching about something when someone else can jab you for doing the exact same thing. There's valuable life lessons being learned in SWF chat, you don't wanna miss this!

Choken One and Stephen Joseph, whichever.

Address, right. Yo, Deebo. I live at 877 St. Johnsbury Rd. in Littleton, New Hampshire. That's zip code 03561. Ask for JP. New Hampshire; Live Free or Move Next Door Where There's a Bunch of Fags