Chuck Woolery

::The HeldDOWN~! logo scrolls across the screen, followed by the words "TWO WEEKS AGO", which appear in the upper right hand corner:: COLE Fans, welcome back to hD~! It was two weeks ago that Chris Bryte revealed his true colors to the world! He revealed that he never loved Tina, and that he was in fact using her in order to get to Panther, who he deemed unfit to remain in the OAOAST and professional wrestling any longer. COACH Yeah, Bryte had pulled one over on Panther and Tina, but he hadn't gotten away home free, because Tina was out for revenge! COLE Yes! Tina was embarrassed, humiliated...her heart was broken on national television, and she wanted to make Chris Bryte pay in the worst way, and on this night, she got a measure of revenge against her former fiance. ::A clip plays of Tina storming the ring and attacking Bryte, ripping off his $45,000 custom-made suit and sending him running from the ring in his boxers. The HeldDOWN~! logo scrolls across the screen yet again, taking us back to LAST WEEK's confrontation between Tina and Bryte:: COLE Chris Bryte was embarrassed by Tina. He was embarrassed by that he was chased from the ring by a woman, and he sought to redeem himself last week here on HeldDOWN~! BRYTE See...for the past 7 days, all I've been hearing about is how Chris Bryte's afraid of a woman! Well make no mistake about it, Chris Bryte fears absolutely no one...especially not a woman! And to prove that, earlier today, I went to Abe Vigoda, I got everything approved, I worked out all the legalities, and fans, tonight I am proud to present to you the First Annual CHRIS BRYTE CHALLENGE...I'm challenging any woman in this arena to face me in this ring tonight! Anybody, it doesn't matter how big, how small, how old, how young, if you think you can beat Chris Bryte, come down to this ring and face me, and I will put this money on the line! If any woman in this arena is...well...man enough to defeat me, then she will become $1,000 richer! ::There's a pop from the female fans in the crowd. On stage, Tina's got a smile on her face:: BRYTE That's right! I will face any woman, any size, any shape, in any type of match...ANY WOMAN BUT TINA! ::More heat from the crowd. On stage, Tina just rolls her eyes. We then cut to footage of Bryte having her removed from the building by security guards:: COLE From there, Chris Bryte had Tina removed from the building... CABOOSE TO PROTECT HER FROM HERSELF! COLE ...right! And then it was on! The Chris Bryte challenge... ::The logo scrolls once again as we cut to clips of Bryte dismantling a young woman named Angel, another woman named Linda, and Bryte's CHEATING TO WIN against two female midgets:: COLE In perhaps one of the most disgusting displays I've seen in a while, Bryte went through woman after woman... CABOOSE All in the spirit of competition! COLE No, let's call it like it is, 'Boose: Bryte was trying to hurt these women. He was trying to take advantage of them...a bunch of untrained women, but things didn't turn out exactly the way Chris Bryte had planned. Bryte's final challenger was...well...a bit of a surprise... ::Suddenly, Bryte turns around and spots the goth woman in the ring stealing from his money bag:: BRYTE YOU STUPID BITCH, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! (approaches her) Who the hell do you think-- ::Suddenly, the woman tosses a handful of dollars into Bryte's face, blinding him. As Bryte flails his arms violently, the woman climbs to her feet and blasts him with a HARD forearm shot! The ref calls for the bell... *DING DING DING* The woman nails him with a second forearm! A third sends him back a couple of steps. He comes right back with a Judo chop, but the goth catches his wrist in her left hand and squeezes it tightly, causing Bryte to cringe in pain. As Bryte struggles to release himself from her grip, the goth removes her shades, and Bryte's eyes open wide when he gets a look at her face... COACH THAT'S TINA!!!!!! Yup! Before Bryte can even grasp the situation, Tina blasts him with a boot to the midsection, tucks his head and DRILLS him with the DDTINA, to a HUGE pop from the crowd. Tina covers Bryte and hooks the leg...the referee with the count... CABOOSE NO! CROWD 1....2.....3!!!!!! *DING DING DING* CABOOSE NO!!!!!! NO! NO! NO! COLE TINA HAS JUST BEATEN CHRIS BRYTE! SHE HAS PINNED CHRIS... CABOOSE NO SHE DIDN'T! SHE DID NOT! SHE WAS BARRED FROM THE DAMN CHALLENGE!!! SHE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN THIS THING!!!!!!!! THAT DOES NOT COUNT!!!!! COLE Oh, it counts, alright! Bryte just got pinned by a woman...and look at him! He's out like a light! ::Indeed. Bryte hasn't moved a muscle since the DDTina. As smile comes across Tina's face as she looks down upon her ex-fiancee. She removes her black wig and tosses it into the crowd, letting down her blood-red hair. She then reaches down and starts gathering up the fallen dollars on the mat:: CABOOSE THAT'S NOT YOURS, YOU WITCH! THAT DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU! COLE Tina's taking the money!!! She is taking Chris Bryte's money! CABOOSE THIEF!!! PILFERER!!!!! PURLOINER!!!! SECURITY, GET HER!!! ::Security rushes out from the locker room, to get at Tina, who grabs the sack and what money she could gather from the canvas and slips out of the ring. She hops the guardrail and escapes through the crowd just before they can catch her:: COLE Can you believe this, fans?! CABOOSE No! What a miscarriage of justice...somebody help Chris! COLE Chris Bryte hasn't moved since the DDTina! He is absolutely out cold! ::The logo scrolls the screen one more time and we're back to live action, where Bryte is standing in the interview area alongside Macho Man Randy Savage. In addition to his now trademark shades, he's wearing blue boxing gloves a knee-length blue robe with silver trim; on the right side of the robe, right above his heart, is a little emblem that reads "THE FUTURE IS BRYTE".:: MACHO MAN OOOOOH YEEEEEEEAH! It's the Macho Man Randy Savage here alongside Chris Bryte! Bryte-A-Mania! Not to be confused with Hulkamania, YEAH! Because believe me, BROTHA, if Hulkamania was here in the place of Bryte-A-Mania, I'd slap the red and yella right off his sorry ass! OOOOH YEAH! I'd beat him like a stepchild! I'd... DIRECTOR (off camera) Randy... MACHO MAN I'D SNAP HIM LIKE A SLIM JIM! I'D... DIRECTOR RANDY~! ::Macho Man looks up at the camera, startled.:: MACHO MAN What the...(looks at Bryte)...OOOH YEEEEEEEAH! RIIIIIIIGHT! Chris Bryte, tonight, you have challenged Tina to a boxing match...THREE ROUNDS OF TERRA...BROTHA, BROTHA, BROTHA, BROTHA, BROTH-AAAAAAH~! YEEEEEEEAH! Now Chris...I'm sure that some of the people watching at home wanna know why you decided to challenge her to this type of match! Could you...elaborate a little bit for us...BROTH-AAAAAAAH~! BRYTE Well ya know, Mach, I couldn't help but notice that you've got your shades on, so I'm pretty damn sure you know what the Bryteness is all about! But for the rest of you simpletons out there, it goes just like this: for the past couple of weeks, TINA has been nothing but a thorn in my side! I mean...the ingrateful bitch got 4 months of sexual bliss, of romantic paradise by being involved with the Bryte man! She should be happy that I even allowed her that much satisfaction...but being the ingrate that she is, that's not the case, and over these past few weeks, she's been doing everything in her power to try and ruin my life! Two weeks ago, it was a $45,000 suit that she cost me! Last week, she blindsided me and STOLE over $35,000 of my money hard-earned money! This woman has been costing me cash right and left, left and right, and to top things off, she's taken it upon herself to try and ruin my reputation here in the OAOAST! I mean...it was bad enough two weeks ago when she had everybody convinced that I, Chris Bryte, was afraid of a woman, but now, after last week, she's been running around, telling her friends, her friends' friends, their friends' friends, everyone she's come in contact with that SHE KNOCKED OUT CHRIS BRYTE! (crowd pops inside the arena) Now Macho, you and I both know that she did not knock me out! She could NEVER knock me out! LAST WEEK WAS A DAMN FLUKE...I mean...I wasn't ready...she blindsided me with that DDT! THAT NEVER WOULD'VE HAPPENED HAD I BEEN READY MACH! ::Bryte takes a deep breath and looks up into the camera:: BRYTE But tonight, I am ready, and last week, everybody thought they saw a knockout?! Well tonight, I'll show you a real knockout! See, Tina, I was trying to spare you the pain! I was trying to spare you anymore humiliation, but you've been pushing me, and now, sister, you've left me no choice! You and I, tonight in a boxing match, and Tina, I'm so confident that I can beat you--so confident that I can knock your lights out--that I'm putting $100,000 on the line! If you beat me...no, no...not even if you beat me, Tina! If I can't knock you out within the 3 rounds that have been designated for this fight, I will give you $100,000 of my money! MACHO MAN So you mean, all Tina has to do is last the three rounds, and she gets $100,000? BRYTE That is correct, Madness, but the chances of that happening are slim, because I don't care who you are, man, woman, or child, short or tall, skinny or fat, there's absolutely no one on the face of this earth that's capable of dimming the Bryteness, and that, Tina--like a certain washed up has been used to say--IS THE TRUTH! ::The crowd boos as Bryte flashes a cocky smile and exits the screen:: MACHO MAN There you have it from the Bryte Man! Chris Bryte promises a knock out tonight, and *I* promise a knockout when I get my hands on YOOOU HOGAAAN~! DIRECTOR Oh for the love of God... MACHO MAN YA HEAR THAT HOGAN?! I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUUUUT! YEAH~! MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUUUT! YEAH~! I'M GONNA KNOCK-- ::The screen suddenly snows out and we cut to commercial::

We come back from a break, panning over the crowd before settling on Sofa Central and Triple C. COLE Fans, welcome back to HeldDown, and if you're just tuning in, let us inform you of tonight's HUGE main event: COACH CRYSTAL! COLE That's right, it'll be Crystal, one on one with one half of the two-man ego trip, Calvin Szechstien! CABOOSE Should be a hell of a match! COLE Well, you're in a good mood tonight, Caboose! CABOOSE Hey, I can't explain it. I just have a good feeling about tonight. COLE Well anyway, word is we have a camera live on Crystal in the back! COACH Ooh! *cut to the back* We see a shot of Crystal at a table pouring a cup of water from a cooler. COLE Our DOA Abe Vigoda has ordered that camera on Crystal as long as she holds the 24/7 Title, and-- COACH Hey! Hoff Daddy! Hoff walks to the table, grabbing a glass of water. HOFF Hey, Crystal. Crystal jumps back and tenses. CRYSTAL What-- HOFF Yikes, relax. It's just me. Hoff smiles, and Crystal relaxes and sighs. CRYSTAL Hoff...sorry. It's just that I've been kind of on edge lately. HOFF Yeah, I know what you mean. Crystal looks up at Hoff sharply. CRYSTAL No...you don't. Hoff, you don't know Zack like I do. He used to be my friend...one of my best friends, and for him to do what he did...I just don't understand it! Hoff nods. HOFF Yeah, well...you know I never liked the guy. Crystal laughs slightly, somewhat nervously, before the more serious, worried look returns. CRYSTAL I don't know what to think anymore. I've got so much on my mind. Zack, Candie, not to mention Axel-- HOFF Well, I tell you what. You go out tonight, and teach Calvin a thing or two about right and wrong. And Zack... CRYSTAL Zack... HOFF Zack, and Candie, let me take care of them. CRYSTAL Huh? Hoff smiles. HOFF Crys, I'm telling you, I got your back. I know I'm not your friend, I know you probably don't trust me, but believe me when I tell you I've got just as much of an issue with Malibu as anyone. Crystal smiles. CRYSTAL Hoff...thanks. Crystal walks off as Hoff takes a sip of water. HOFF Don't mention it. (We cut to another shot, seeing Sly Sommers leave the janitor's closet, wearing his ring gear and holding his gym bag. He literally bumps into Crystal while walking down the hallway.) CRYSTAL Hey, watch where you're...oh, hey Sly. What's with this? SLY Well, I went to your guys' locker room to change today again, like I was told by Abe, and they promptly kicked me out yet again. I needed a place to change since I wanted to exhibit the European Rounds format, so I had to use the good ole' janitor's closet. CRYSTAL I see...by the way, I was wondering if you saw who attacked you after you had Abe sign you versus Calvin for School's Out. SLY All I saw was a shadow...a pretty big shadow. It had muscles...on top of muscles. I didn't see who exactly it was...but he looked like a dangerous fellow. CRYSTAL We better keep on our toes then... SLY Yeah...hey, I've got to go. I'm outie. (Sly slaps Crystal's hand) (Both walk their seperate ways, as the camera follows Crystal. She bumps into Hoff.) CRYSTAL Hey Hoff, what's up? HOFF What was that? CRYSTAL Nothing, just talking to a fellow competitor...you know how it is... HOFF No, I don't. We can't trust him. Most likely, he's a spy from the other side, and by befriending him, you're helping THEM win! CRYSTAL Listen...I know how much of a snake that Sly can be. I've dealt with him before. But, I honestly think he's sincere now, and I would wish you guys would give him a chance too. HOFF I know you got your mind in weird places with this whole Malibu situation, but beware: if he double-crosses you, it ain't our fault. (Hoff walks off, as we fade to SOFA CENTRAL~) COLE Ladies and Gentlemen, this Sunday will see one a highly anticipated match for the OAOAST World Tag Team Championship. CABOOSE For once, you're right. I'm anticipating another humiliation for the Global Party Exchange at the hands of the mighty Black T. COACH It's true that Black T have had the edge of the GPX so far, as T Bod defeated Johnny Jackson last week in addition to Black T edging out the GPX in the final of the tag title tournament earlier this month. COLE Up next we'll see Scotty Static try to give his team some momentum going into School's Out as he takes on Dan Black... CABOOSE What a joke this is...former IZ General Manager, OAOAST Legend, international hero and a fellow countryman of mine- Dan Black has done it all, and he has to go one on one with Scotty Static?! This is going to be the biggest miss match since you idiots tried to hustle me at poker. COACH It wasn't my fault! COLE You were holding the cards the wrong way round! BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall, and is a foreshadowing of the titanic tag team title tussle to be seen this sunday, only on Pay Per View... "Quiet" hits, as a familiar flood of black smoke pours from the entrance. COLE Not only is Dan Black evil, he's bad for the environment! Look at that polluting smoke! BUFFER From London, England, weighing 243 pounds, he is one half of the OAOAST Tag Team Champions of the Wooooooooooooooorld, the Ice Heart, Daaaaaaaaaaaan BLACK! Dan strides down to the ring in black trench coat, trunks and shades. Around his waist glitters his tag title belt. Jivin' JR is not accompanying him. COLE No JR out here with Dan, Caboose. What do you think this means? CABOOSE JR probably has his head stuck in a bucket of chicken wings or something. Dan slides into the ring, ignoring the hostile crowd, and holds up his title, sneering proudly. BUFFER And his opponent... "Make Her Say" hits, and Scotty Static bounces out, throwing his arms in the air and getting down for the fans. Scotty jigs down to the ring, watched by Dan Black with a look of total disgust on his face. BUFFER From HOTlanta, Georgia, at 192lbs, he is an all singing, all dancing superstar and one half of the Global Party Exchange- Scotty STAAAAAAAAAAAAAATIC! Scotty bounces into the ring- and Dan nails him from the side, knocking him to the mat! Our referee calls for the bell, and we're underway! COACH A typical cheap shot from Dan to start things off. CABOOSE Hey, Scotty was in the ring, wasn't he? He shouldn't waste time with all the dancing. Dan stomps the fallen Scotty down, before dragging him up by the hair. Black lashes a pair of European uppercuts into Static's jaw, and whips him to the ropes. Scotty ducks under Dan's lariat and nails him with a dropkick to the chest as Black turns. Dan scrambles up, but gets a deep armdrag. Black is up to one knee, and Scotty rushes in with a shining wizard~! - but Dan sees it coming and ducks, following with a jawbreaker. With Static staggered, Black gives him a toe kick and gathers him in and body slams him hard. Dan drops a knee from the middle rope, and smiles smugly as Scotty clutches his face. Black brings Static up and goes for another bodyslam, but Scotty slips out of his grasp and falls behind him, applying a waistlock for a German suplex- but Dan counters to his own German, hitting Scotty hard and keeping the bridge: ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! CABOOSE That was three. Count them right, referee! COLE Scotty's been rocked by Dan's early assault. He needs to try and fly around and disorientate Dan, who isn't the fastest of wrestlers. Black and Static are both up from the pin, but Dan is still in control with another pair of uppercuts, before drawing Static in and trying for a POWERBOMB- but Static flips out again and throws a flurry of punches that stun Dan. Scotty grabs Dan in and spikes him hard into the mat with a DDT! Static skips over for the cover- ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Static brings Dan back up and gives him a snap suplex, before climbing to the top rope. Scotty jumps off quickly with a leg drop that nearly decapitates Dan. Black writhes on the mat, clutching his throat, as Static covers again. ONE! TWO! THREE-KICKOUT! Static brings Dan up, and whips him to the ropes, but Dan grabs the top cable and stops himself. Scotty runs in, but Dan just steps off the ropes and nails him with a Yakuza kick to the face! Cover! ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! KICKOUT! COLE Man, that was close! COACH Both men taking some big impact here. CABOOSE This isn't just a warm up match. When Dan inflicts some serious damage on Scotty, it'll give Black T an extra edge for Sunday. Not that they need it. Dan pulls Scotty up and applies a front face lock facing the ropes. He lifts Scotty into a vertical suplex, but then drops him forward with a slingshot into a brainbuster! Cover! ONE! TWO! THRRRRR-KICKOUT! Dan slams the mat and grabs the ref by the collar! The official shoves Dan in the chest to the approval of the fans. Black raises his fist at the referee, but Scotty dropkicks him in the back! Dan picks himself up, but Static is ready and works him over with some stiff kicks to the legs and torso. Scotty whips Dan into the corner and charges after him, jumping feet first into Dan and monkey flipping him out into the ring! Black lands on his back hard, and Scotty vaults to the top rope for STATIC SHOCK! But Dan is up quicker than Scotty anticipated and jumps up to the top rope after him. Black slams a punch to Static's kidney, and wraps an arm around his waist. Dan pulls back, and hits Static with a belly to back suplex from the top rope! Both men connect with the canvas hard, and it takes Black a minute to cover. ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! KICKOUT! COLE Great resilience from Static! CABOOSE Why doesn't he just lay down? He must know he can't beat Dan, surely? Dan picks himself and Scotty back up and double underhooks Static's arms, going for his Pitch Black (Angel's Wings)- but Scotty counters out of it to a hammerlock on Dan. Black counters to a full nelson, looking for his Nightshade Dragon Suplex. Scotty knocks Dan's hands down, but only as far as his waiste, where Dan attempts a German suplex- but Scotty flips out and lands on his feet! Dan doesn't see Static recover, and makes a throat cutting gesture to the fans as Scotty climbs to the top rope! Black turns and Static leaps off with a sunset flip from the top! COLE Johnny B. Badd's finisher! COACH Who? ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Both men roll up, and Dan goes for KICK WHAM BLACKOUT- but Scotty pushes him off, and hits him with a jump over neckbreaker ala John Cena. Dan bounces onto this back, and Scotty vaults to the top rope, jumping off and back with STATIC SHOCK- but Dan rolls aside! Scotty eats canvas! Dan grabs Scotty and rolls him up with a La Majistral cradle! ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! KICKOUT! Dan angrily picks Scotty up again, double underhooks his arms- but Static flips Dan onto his back and rolls over him with a pin! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Both men up again, but Scotty runs straight into a belly to belly throw from Black! Dan covers! ONE! TWO! Feet on the ropes! COACH Hey, ref! THREE! NO! The official sees the feet on the ropes, and pushes them off! Dan jumps up angrily, but Static rolls him up from behind! ONE! TWO! THREE! CABOOSE NO! COLE YES! DING DING DING BUFFER The winner of the match- Scotty STATIC! CABOOSE What a screw job! COLE Hey, Dan was caught cheating and paid for it! COACH And the GPX get one over on Black T going into Sunday! CABOOSE Or do they? Scotty is on the second rope, celebrating, when Dan Black jumps up and gives him a release Dragon Suplex! Dan SPITS onto the fallen Static and leaves to chants of ASSHOLE! COLE Dan's such a sore loser! CABOOSE Mikey, Black T are WINNERS! And they'll be winners again, at School's Out!

Quick booking forgotten, this card is fucking stacked. That's all.

I'll do it. Get your shit to me by six, though, or it'll be up at eleven-something.

Kindly fuck yourself. The rest of the no-showers too.

I'm appalled nobody mentioned the new John Stamos romantic comedy. An entire series based around one blind date... that could be genius.

Shaun Livingston? Man, I used to play with him and his friends in Peoria back in the day. ...he can probably kick my ass now worse than he could then. Comments on the list: -- There's a lot of high-schoolers. I mean, damn. -- Okafor's going number one, because the Magic need someone right now. -- I've got a feeling Araujo is going to be a beast.

...eek. We'd better come back hard or there's going to be one very pissed half of the Big Red Luv Connection in the Vasectomy locker room.

See, it's this anti-Blazenwing bias that's preventing him from ever having a legitimate shot of competing in this federation. Go, David, seriously. Start your own fed. There's too many people against you here for you to succeed.

Dude, you're all underrating Blazenwing here. He did nearly beat Crow (granted, he had a fair marker then...) and Toxxic hasn't yet reached the level Crow was at during that time. (If there was a fair marker,) I could see a huge upset

Papa, if you can't get your PPV shit in for Wednesday don't worry about it, one of us will put it in the show. Personal guarantee from the original lazy motherfucker.

SINGLES MATCH - FIRST OF FIVE Tom Flesher vs Dace Night - Hmm.. Flesher. TAG TEAM TITLES #1 CONTENDERSHIPOVER THE TOP BATTLE ROYAL[ Alan Clark vs Coy West vs John Duran vs Todd Royal vs Austin Sly vs Jimmy “The Demon” Liston vs Tryst vs Insane Luchadore - Clark and West is the only sensible pick, but if Duran picks a partner out of this bunch they could very well win it, too. CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP Jacob Hemlsley vs Todd Cortez - Pride in the Boulevard, yo. Cortez. HARDCORE MATCH Janus vs Crow - If he writes, Crow. USJL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Landon Maddix© vs “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins - Maddix. SINGLES MATCH Ace Lezaire vs Ryan Dustin - Dustin. SINGLES MATCH David Blazenwing vs Toxxic - Toxx... jobs! Mwa ha ha...

Which suck. We're waiting...

I know this is a kinda weird request, but could we possibly have 13th Hour at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas? I have an idea for what I want to do on the show, but it relies on the PPV coming from Vegas, or Atlantic City, or if you really want to stretch it a riverboat casino floating on the Mississippi River. Which is actually a badass idea.

MAIN EVENT SINGLES MATCH WORLD TITLE BOUT "Deathwish" Danny Williams© vs Nathaniel Kibagami - Kibs beats Danny, Toxxic beats Kibs two weeks later and we get the Tom-Thoth-Strangler-Tom reign sequence from last year all over again to lead us into Genesis V. CAGE MATCH Stryke vs Dace Night - Mmm, cage. Smart money says Dace, but I'm not smart and don't have any money. Stryke. TAG TEAM MATCH TAG TEAM TITLE BOUT Janus & Aecas© vs Hollywood Boulevard - Typically I don't pick my own matches, but all signs are pointing to us... SINGLES MATCH NON-TITLE Landon Maddix© vs "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins - Since when did Spike ever do anything? TRIPLE THREAT CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE BOUT Johnny Dangerous© vs Austin Sly vs Alan Clark - Clark wins the belt here, Dangerous gets it back next week. HARDCORE MATCH Crow vs Insane Luchadore - Crow, if not a double no show.

Steel cage submission match? Hey, doesn't that sound familiar...

In response to Tom: We did indeed try to coordinate our segments (us being me and WC), but I misunderstood his PM (he said 'before your match' -- I didn't realize he meant literally 'before my match'). So, it would've come off better had I not been a dumbass, but it's still good, I feel.

Well, yeah. Esche made a lot of good saves -- the one with about a minute left in the third standing out the most -- but in overtime he cleared the puck in front of his own net several times when he wasn't even there. But, like you said, Toronto was old and worn-out, and the Flyers played excellent defence -- the coverage on Sundin in OT was superb -- to keep them from scoring. And that was some weak-ass defence by Toronto as well. There's no excuse for any two-on-ones in an overtime period.

Dude, Kapanen got fucking LEVELED. And Esche is the luckiest motherfucker alive, as he made some positively dumbassed mistakes in that overtime. I counted at least two times that the Leafs should have put it in the net, as it was WIDE open. However, I suppose that's Toronto incompetence. Go Calgary go!

...Zsasz could do it.

Nebraska? Pshaw. Put Charlotte in the Central and go with New Orleans. ...yeah, that's just because I want the New Orleans Crunk Machine, but is that really so bad? Plus, it works in this realignment scenario (in my opinion).

I figured that this was where it was most relevant, but if a mod wants to move it feel free. Anyway, the topic is pretty much self-explanatory. I ask because I'm going to the Fledgling Films festival in St. Johnsbury this weekend and am wondering just what it'll encompass. I myself have never been to one, so I'm hoping it's a good enough time, but if somebody else has a horror story to share, I'll think twice about it.

Preface: Is Liston even here? He'd fucking better be... --- "Who the FUCK is Jimmy Liston?" The scene flickers to life -- a dimly lit, rent-a-Passat, obviously none to comfortable. In the driver's seat is the cool, steady hand of Todd Cortez, focused intently on the road ahead of him; and next to Cortez is his much more hyperactive tag partner, tonight having tossed some red streaks into his jet-black hair, Mike Van Siclen. The self-proclaimed Spectacle is ranting on, apparently, about the match last night. "Seriously, I haven't even heard of the guy, Todd, and he pinned me." ...Liston braces himself, and with a massive heave he throws Van Siclen off forwards, grabbing the Spectacle’s head and driving it down... ...Down... ...DOWN... ...ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR! “DESCENT!” Comet yells. “Liston just hit his finisher onto a steel chair!” ... ...and Liston hooks Van Siclen’s leg. ONE! TWO! THREE! "He fucking pinned me, Todd? Where the fuck were you, anyway?" Todd looks over at his partner. "I was still smarting from the Caribbean Cutter on the entrance ramp." On the outside, Wildchild squares off against Todd Cortez. Knowing that he can’t match the straight-edger for speed or striking power, Wildchild watches his opponent carefully - then ducks under a roundhouse kick from the Urban Legend and darts behind him. Cortez twists, trying to follow his slippery opponent, and Wildchild boots him in the stomach before nailing him with the Caribbean Cutter! “Caribbean Cutter on the steel entrance ramp!” Comet yells. “That’ll break your head, Citizens!” "Right? Well, I don't remember you getting pinned..." "I got pinned off a Soul Crusher, Mike." Janus is stirring, the huge man still unwilling to stay down. Grimly, Aecas grabs his shoulder and helps his monstrous partner up. Janus staggers over to the far ropes and leans against them, and Aecas grabs Todd Cortez’ legs, turns the straight-edger around so the Black Angel is facing away from the Hell Machine... and tucks one leg under each arm. “Robert, if you’re at all fond of Todd Cortez, I suggest you look away now...” Comet suggests. Grinning out at the crowd, Aecas falls backwards. Cortez flies up and forwards as the Black Angel’s knees act as a fulcrum, catapulting the straight-edger RIGHT INTO A GORE~! FROM JANUS! “SOUL CRUSHER!!” Comet roars as the Hell Machine BLASTS straight into the Urban Legend’s ribcage. “Janus just mutilated Todd Cortez!” All the double-teaming from earlier has weakened the Hell Machine, but not enough to prevent him from completing the job. Grimacing, Janus hooks the leg of Todd Cortez and brings all of his 360lbs to bear on the straight-edger’s shoulders as Sexton Hardcastle drops down to count... ONE! TWO! THREE! Todd lifts up his shirt, and we can see a layer of bandages circling his chest, trying to contain the swelling from the vicious tag move that Cortez felt at the hands of the Trinity. Van Siclen winces, pulling Cortez's shirt back down, and he begins speaking once more. "Okay, dude, so they pretty much gang-beat us." "I wouldn't call it a gang-beating, but very close, yes." "Well, you're from the Streets, jackass. What do you do when you get gang-beat?" "Generally... one gets even." "And how does one do that?" "One generally regains what is lost." In the rearview mirror, we can see Todd grin uncharacteristically. "In your case, what little dignity you had." Van Siclen chuckles himself. "You're picking shit up from me here, Todd. Yeah, I guess so... so I got pinned by Liston for the Hardcore belt. Not that I've ever really wanted the Hardcore belt, but, you know... it'd be nice, something to put on the mantle. Hey, where's that file you keep?" "In my bag, which is in the back seat." "Yo, cameraman! Toss me Todd's bag, would you?" The camera points downward, as whoever the cameraman is (we still haven't seen him!) grabs Todd's bag and hands it to Van Siclen. "Thanks, man, I appreciate it." Van Siclen begins rummaging through Todd's bag, grabbing a thick black binder out of it and opening it up. "Liston... Liston... bingo!" "What are you looking for, anyway?" the Urban Legend asks, seeming genuinely curious. "I'm looking for Liston's file, man. The little fuck embarrassed me, mainly because I still don't know who he is and his punk ass pinned me." At 'punk ass' the cameraman snorts, and Van Siclen flips him off carelessly. "Seriously, Todd, I have a bit of a mantra: when someone humiliates me, I get them back double. And in Liston's case, I'm thinking triple, just because I'm that pissed." The car is silent for a few moments as Van Siclen scans Liston's profile. Finally he lets out a huge sigh, causing Cortez to glance at him. "What?" "This Liston doesn't have enough of a personality for me to find a flaw in it." "Look harder, I remember something about Calvinball." "...what the fuck is Calvinball?" "I looked it up, it's a type of wrestling match in which the wrestlers themselves set the rules." "...oh, because that makes so much sense." "Apparently he won it, something about the Empire State Building? I don't really remember, but then again it's Jimmy Liston, there's nothing too memorable about him." Van Siclen grins. "Man, you're leeching off of me more than you know here. Anyway... I suppose I could challenge this Liston to a Calvinball match for the Hardcore championship. Or even better, go right over his head and ask Zenon for a shot." Todd nods, and Van Siclen continues. "And then, if he says no, I can punch him in the face and make him say differently." This elicits a laugh from the cameraman and a small smile from Cortez, as Van Siclen continues. "And then, after I beat Liston, I suppose you and I can take on the Trinity and beat their asses again. In Crowd, two-time tag champions?" "Mike, about this In Crowd thing..." "Look, Todd, generally I let you barge in, but you're interfering with my plans here, okay?" Todd sighs, but gives in, perhaps thinking that if he lets Mike talk a little longer he'll keel over and die. Van Siclen continues. "And then, I can go on a diet, lose ten pounds or so, come back and beat Johnny Dangerous for the Cruiserweight belt -- hey, he didn't save me from jobbing to this Demon fellow, did he?" Todd shakes his head no, and Van Siclen continues. "And after that, I'm going to face Toxxic for the ICTV belt -- if the goofy fuck can hold onto it for more than three shows this time -- and job him out, too, because he bailed instead of fighting the tag fall. Some man, eh?" "Eh, indeed." "Right... four shows should be enough time to do all this, right, Todd?" Todd nods. "Right. And then, I'll be the first-ever quadruple champion, all the wrongs from the Triple Quadruple match will have been righted, and then... well, I guess I should start now." Van Siclen turns around, staring dead on into the camera. "Hey, Liston? I know you're watching this somewhere, with your Hardcore belt wrapped around your waist. I hope you're enjoying that now, and I hope double that you've got the balls to answer to me, because I'm calling you out right here, right now. SWF Storm, man, I want you, one-on-one, Calvinball rules, for your Hardcore belt." Van Siclen grins. "If you can beat me once you can beat me again, right, Jimmy? If you've got any balls whatsoever, we'll see this Friday." Van Siclen turns around, looking at the road ahead. The In Crowd drives on silently for a few moments, before Van Siclen's voice pierces the silence once again. "Shut that shit off." FADE OUT.

Serious question, as the PPV matches being due on the Wednesday before the PPV really kinda irks me, as someone who generally puts his match together the day of the show. So, when do you typically start on your PPV matches?

"Correctly"? I hate to play the 'can-you-take-a-bump' card, but really, if he takes a bump on his side, who are you to call him wrong? It's not like he's flopping around like a dead fish, he's just landing on his fucking side. Yeah, way off topic. Um... that looks totally kayfabed, if you ask me. Vince: Ric, I'd like you to go give an anti-TNA interview in your crazy, bitter old man character. Flair: You got it boss. WHOOOOO!