Chuck Woolery

citrus has a good point, man. armed forces are a great way to turn your life around.

getting back to cheap stuff, i find natural ice to be delicious, mostly because it has been brewed for a fresh, "natural" taste. sam adams can't do anything right besides their cherry wheat, there's a honey brown up here that's amazing, and magic hat fat angel >>>>> magic hat #9.

ouch.

i hate the ducks logo because it's not even a logo, it's a word. a word can't be a logo.

like hell you can't.

you're terrible at geography.

it's also a stretch that my real name and my kayfabe name are feuding, and that neither of them are my board name.

if i hadn't been so obnoxiously out of it last night i would've written a better match... i really wanted to do more with the jedi council controlling the cardboard comet and fucking with van siclen but alas, my attention span has shrunk to the size... oh wow, the world series of pop culture is on.

i would like to ask bruce blank publicly if he is MAN ENOUGH to make this a hardcore match. because, you know, it's what the fans want to see.

i'll watch snme if paul wall is there doing the new single with brooke hogan. only for paul wall, though. he's awesome.

absolutely not. get your own punishment match.

Name: Mike Van Siclen Height: 6’4” Weight: 263 Hometown: Harrison, Illinois Age: 27 Face/Heel: Arrogant prick heel, occasionally referred to as Flesher lite. Stable: Tag Team: Ring Escort: None. Weapon: Use what yo mama gave you. Quote: “That’s what I said!” Looks: Blue eyes and long blonde hair, often loosely tied back. Walks backstage in a dress shirt and dress pants.. In the ring, a black beater and long black tights, with a stripe down the side the color of your choosing. Think a cut version of Bikertaker... minus the bandana. and the harley. Ring Entrance: Sirens go off, the crowd does their thing, and the sounds of "Hyphy Juice" by The Team hit the speakers as Mike Van Siclen steps through the curtain, crossing himself, kissing his fingers and pointing to the sky. He walks down to the ring, gets introduced, yadda... shit, man, you know... Stats: Strength: 4 Speed: 4 Vitality: 7 Charisma: 5 Style: Van Siclen has enough strength and speed to survive the first few minutes, but beyond that he'll rely on his ring generalism to get by. Game Plan: You will, as a reader, note a lack of many big moves. The style has changed since the days of big flashy pinfall oh my god isn't this amazing moves. Van Siclen is a brawler, pure and simple. A lot of strikes, a lot of heavy hitting, Van Siclen knows how to play the game and has streamlined his offence to the point where unless he is going for the pin, all he wants to do is hit you as hard as he can, whatever that entails. Van Siclen is also very aware of where the cameras are in relation to himself, and he'll slip in a wink, a nod, a smile, a wave, or some other form of acknowledgement at different points during the match. This will generally get a decent pop, because it can usually be seen on the Smarktron. Signature Moves: - Van Slaminator (A back-to-belly piledriver, set up countless ways. Is potent enough to put you down for the three, but usually isn't used as such. The equivalent of a Stunner -- Mike can literally pull this out from anywhere.) - Crossface Black (Get the opponent into a standing crossface, then fall back Edge-o-Matic style, with the opponent's head landing on Van Siclen's knee. Set up in almost slow motion.) - The BIG LARIAT (and lord help me when i face va'aiga) - Code Red (Van Siclen gets his opponent into DDT position, only instead of DDTing them, comes around like the Eye of the Hurricane or the Final Cut and grabs his opponent by the hair, forcing their face into the mat. Can be done off a ladder or onto a chair as an alternate finisher.) - Superkick - Guillotine Leg Drop Common Moves: - Sitout Jawbreaker -> - Double Leg Wishbone -> These two moves often occur consecutively and somewhat out of nowhere, if Mike makes a key reversal at a point in the match. - Rectal Stretch (Opponent on back, Van Siclen puts foot between legs and pulls on their legs. Feel free to bridge the DLW into this, and it can be built to with nutshot psychology. All that I ask is that I don't bite anyone's nuts.) - Swinging Neckbreaker - Two-Handed Facebuster - Drop Toe Hold (Van Siclen adores this move, and it is his most common Irish Whip counter) - Jericho's Springboard Dropkick to the Outside - Backdrop - Snap Suplex - German Suplex (release or bridged… he never does the rolling Germans) - Powerslam (quick and dirty) - Spinning Wheelkick Striking Notes: - Forearms and bitchslaps are most commonly used, although on occasion he'll pull out a closed-fist punch. Rare Moves: - Van Siclen’s Gambit (or just ‘the Gambit’) (450* Frog Splash, used as a rare finisher in a high-profile match. Given the nature of Van Siclen's offence, he'll signal for this move by putting his hands in the shape of a gun and pressing it to his temple.) - Sin Aerial (Corkscrew 450* Legdrop. Like the Gambit, Van Siclen will signal for this with a crucifix pose on the top rope.) Finishers: - Riot Act (unprotected jumping piledriver? i liked it so much better when i referred to this as the styles clash '03 but let's call it what it really is.) - Cardinal Sin Clutch (Gokuraku Clutch, a crossface from the camel clutch position)

i thought we learned our lesson about QMM's showing already. jeez, toxx.

they would have played the rockets if houston hadn't choked their own nuts off to seattle in '96. i remember getting amped for houston/chicago in '96 and being pissed when seattle beat houston in... six? i think it was six. also forgotten in the '95 finals was orlando being up by 23 points going into the fourth quarter of game one and completely and utterly blowing it, setting the tone for the whole series.

i bawled like a little girl at john q.

some finish.

Double.

My amazing intro promo involved Snow Demon sitting on a couch making fun of Ted Flink. Poorly. This was followed by my debut, where (if I'm remembering correctly) I ran some guy over with a snowplow and then hit him with my finisher... a La Magistral cradle. Which was called the Snow Plow. Seriously, it's all on IGN, and it's pretty spectacular.

Good. Maybe you'll stop taking up every third post to tell us how much you don't care. Back on topic... Larry Brown's biggest strength may have been that he was damn good at keeping the Piston egos in check. I was never a believer in coaching being too important in the NBA, but this series is proving me wrong, and Riley's not even doing a stellar job -- Saunders is just dumb.

It's amazing how you can appear on television a couple times a week, yet be completely incognito. Yet somehow, Joseph Peters finds himself in this exact position. He's just now on his way out of Cambodia, after a couple of very important meetings with the local government, and he's dressed dapper as ever, trying to catch some sleep in his comfortable and classy first class seat. But, come on. Do you think the suddenly very frugal SWF would waste tape if nothing was going to happen? "How you doin', buddy?" The gentle shake of Peters' shoulder poorly masks the icy sarcasm of the sentence, and his eyes flutter open to see a disgustingly chipper Mike Van Siclen standing above him. Peters stretches out, then pats the seat next to him, still hung over from his sleep. "Why are we flying you around the world, again?" Van Siclen smirks. "I think you're very, very aware of why you're flying me around the world, Mr. Peters." Peters returns the smirk. "You're going to have to refresh my memory." Van Siclen's smirk suddenly disappears. "Forgive me, Joseph, but I wasn't really trying to be friendly. That was actually just a ruse, designed to mask the fact that not only do I hate you, but I hate the Smarks Wrestling Federation, Frost Brand tacos, and pretty much the entire wrestling business." Peters' smirk disappears now, also, and his face hardens. "Then why come back and waste my time?" And now Van Siclen's smirk returns in the form of a full-blown smile. "Because I own you, boss." Peters' calm exterior is beginning to crack. "You most certainly do not own me, Mr. Van Siclen," the President says in flustered tones. Van Siclen reaches into his back pocket, pulling out a carefully folded piece of paper and pressing it into Peters' chest. "Oh, but I do." Peters unfolds the piece of paper, reading the first couple of lines before looking up at Van Siclen. "I could very easily sue you for extortion, Mr. Van Siclen." "You could, but you would lose." "This is blackmail." "This is not blackmail. It's not like I'm threatening to tell the whole world... we just play this game my way, your little company gets to keep its money, and I get what I want." "That's blackmail." Van Siclen's smile is as big as ever. "So sue me." "I have half a mind..." "And I will keep your ass in court for years. I will bleed this company dry. I will bleed you dry, and all of that money you've made from all your little side projects will be gone. I will not only bleed you dry, but I'll bleed Frost Brand dry too, and I'm sure that he'll be thrilled that your cheap ass made him broke. Have you ever been in a fight with Frost, Joseph? It's not a fun time." Peters is a defeated man. "So what do you want me to do?" "I think you know the answer to that, Joseph. You do your thing on Wednesday, and we'll just pretend that this," Van Siclen gestures to the piece of paper, "that this nasty affair never, ever happened. Are we clear?" "Crystal," Peters replies, practically spitting the words at Van Siclen, who gets up to leave. As he walks away, Peters can't resist a jab. "What, your broke ass can't afford first class?" Van Siclen turns around. "You're right. You'd better make sure you never make that mistake again, either." Laughing, Van Siclen turns heel and exits, leaving a very, very upset Joseph Peters to try and have a good flight's sleep...

Hugs and handpounds to you too, WC.

In honor of Tod deKindes, I propose "The SWF's Christmas No Gifts". I also found myself enjoying "How the SWF Stole Christmas".

Dama: Creatine works, but the research on it shows that it may or may not fuck up your liver. If you want to see results quickly, though, that's the stuff to use... if you're interested, me or someone else can give you information on it.

How do you think I felt when I logged on last night to discover that I had made the most recent post? And not my board name, but my actual name? Surreal shit. But damn, I'm one hell of a promo-writer.

Based solely on the results of the battle royale, JJ Johnson not winning the Cold Front Classic would absolutely baffle me. The thing about the seeding battle royale is that you get to tailor things however you like. What Johnson did was score himself a fairly easy first round match (Candace), and in the second round he faces one of the streakiest writers in the fed (Spike) or a complete unknown who may or may not have an iota of writing talent. Meanwhile -- in my honest opinion -- you have three of the top four writers in the tournament (TORU, Wildchild and Hawke) and one who's capable of hanging with them (Dangerous), and they're all going to kill each other. What JJ did was set thing up so he only has one, possibly two difficult matches, and that's a huge advantage in a single-elimination tournament. Mothernature agrees.