TheBostonStrangler

“Welcome to SWF Smarkdown. The following programme may contain images that might be unsuitable for younger viewers. Or older viewers. Or those who don’t like blood, people being hit with blunt instruments, swearing, anything involving Spike Jenkins in the ring, or the sight of Strangler’s naked BUTT. “OK, so that last one is unlikely, but ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE SWF~” FIVE... FOUR... THREE... TWO... ONE... *BAM! BAM! BAM! BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG BOOOOOOOOOOM!!* “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” The cameras pan around the American West Arena, taking in the multitude of sweating, shouting and probably slightly drunk fans in attendance for Smarkdown! Skipping over signs like “Candace = OMGBANPLZ!” and “wHoAT!” the viewers at home find their televisions screens suddenly filled with the twin towers of Bobby Riley and everyone’s favourite soft drink shiller, Cyclone Comet. “Welcome, Citizens, to SWF SMARKDOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWNNN~!” the masked man bellows with all the enthusiasm of Mark Kinxx seeing something that contains no peanuts. “We are here in sunny Phoenix, Arizona, hosting a SELLOUT crowd in the American West Arena!” “A fool and his money are soon parted...” Riley is heard to mutter. “For shame, Robert!” Comet booms, flashing his best cheesy grin at the camera and elbowing his co-commentator firmly in the ribs, “put away that book of proverbs, it’s time to call the action!” “What book, you spandex-clad freak?” Riley demands. “I was talking about the morons who paid to ge-OW!” “Ah, the lumbago playing up again is it?” Comet mugs sympathetically as only the faintest hint of alteration in his posture suggests the heroic boot now grinding hard into Riley’s toes. “Never mind, we’ll just have to mute your microphone until you can talk freely again.” Not even his mask can hide Comet’s desperately waggling eyebrows as he tries to pass a message to the production crew behind a guise of being a deluded and over-the-top superhero. “I’ll lumbago you, you piece of-” Amazingly, someone in production catches on to the slight increase in Comet’s act. “...” is Riley’s only comment. But before he can say anything else, a drum solo kicks up over the PA system and the entire American West Arena erupts in a frenzy of cheers as they recognise the start of ‘Painkiller’ by Death! The lights flash red and white in time to the manic percussion, then- *BAM!* -the entire entrance ramp lights up in white pyro as the opening scream roars out! ‘Faster than a bullet Terrifying scream Enraged and full of anger He's half man and half machine’ The SWF faithful stand in ovation as the black Smarktron screens seemingly shatters like glass to show red-filtered clips of Dace Night dropping people on their heads, and out through the smoke strides... ...a slim girl with red-and-black dreadlocks. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “That’s Jet!” Comet says in amazement. “What in the name of Methuselah’s mother is she doing coming out to Dace Night’s music?” “...!” “I’m aware of that, Robert,” Comet agrees as the Philadelphia native slinks down the entrance ramp, “however I do feel that-” “...! ...?” “Well, I can’t say for sure, but-” “...!” “Really, Robert. There’s no call for that sort of language.” Sighing, the hero signals the production crew. “I never thought I’d say this Johnno, but please turn Citizen Riley’s mic back on.” “-bout time too!” Riley splutters. While the commentators are arguing, Jet has entered the ring and called for a microphone from Funyon. The veteran ring announcer reluctantly hands one over and the dreadlocked beauty looks around at the Phoenix crowd. “What? You were expecting someone else?” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Calm down,” Jet laughs, “you’ll get to see Dace Night later on this evening. This was just to get your attention, because the person you really need to be thinking about is ready to make his way to the ring.” The Philly native flashes a quick smile at Funyon as she raises the mic again. “Please tell me if I do this wrong.” The Smarktron abruptly whites out, and the opening chord of ‘Rookie’ by Boy Sets Fire rings across the American West Arena. The screen darkens to black, and as it does so jagged white letters flash up a familiar slogan... ‘PREPARE TO BE PROVED WRONG’ “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The screen changes slightly as the guitar riff kicks in and the black becomes the top of a spiky-haired head which raises to stare out of the Smarktron with two piercing grey eyes before the right side of Toxxic’s face creases up into his trademark lopsided grin. The screen changes and clips of the World Champion’s most notable matches flash up as the bass drum starts, alternating with the words ‘STRAIGHT-EDGE SENSATION’ and ‘REVOLUTION ZERO’ before footage of Toxxic taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table, the devastating landing timed to coincide with the four blasts of red pyro that climb the sides of the entrance ramp and the final, stage-wide eruption- *BAM-BAM-BAM-bap-BOOOM!!* -that signifies the arrival of the SWF’s premier straight-edger as the main riff kicks in! And through the smoke and the after-image the pyro burnt into the back of everyone’s eyelids... “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” ...wearing his customised England shirt with “sXe” over a number “9” on the back... “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” ...with the SWF World Title around his waist and the trademark lopsided grin creeping up the right hand side of his face... “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” ...comes Toxxic. “Ladies and gentlemen of Phoenix, Arizona,” Jet calls out, “please welcome the leader of Revolution Zero and the SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION; he is the ‘Straight-Edge Sensation’... “TOOOOXXXXXXXX-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!” Well. There’s not much chance of that, really. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” The World Champion is smiling as he walks down the ramp, despite the hostility of his reception. He rolls under the bottom rope, wincing slightly as his back reminds him of the abuse it took from Dace Night on Lockdown, and comes up to his feet to a hug and a kiss from Jet. Then the Straight-Edge Sensation pauses, waits... and throws his arms wide, palms flat, to send a burst of red pyro from the top of each turnbuckle as the verse starts. *bap-bap* *BOOOM!!* ‘I never thought this could be me I guess you never do until it’s happening to you Like all the fun turns into shame And all the ‘could-have-beens’ rearrange...’ ‘Rookie’ fades out as Toxxic takes the microphone from Jet and stares around at the Phoenix crowd. He catches sight of the signs that have suddenly become prevalent - ‘DACE WUZ ROBBED!’, ‘STOP THE REVOLUTION!’ and that one featuring his head on a tampon, which he still doesn’t get. Shrugging, the straight-edger raises the mic and begins to speak. “Well... here we are in Phoenix.” The reaction to that is mixed. Some people cheer, because some people always will. Rather more of the crowd don’t like the champion saying the name of their city, and boo. Toxxic continues to grin, ignoring both parties. “I’m telling you, I don’t know how you people live here,” the Brit says, wiping sweat from his brow. “It’s the evening, and I’m still way too hot. I’m surprised the heat doesn’t bake the brains out of you and leave you all as drivelling idiots.” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Ok, so maybe it does,” the straight-edger shrugs. “Anyway, speaking of idiots who come from Phoenix; Nathaniel Kibagami.” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “SIIIIIIIIII-LENT...” “SIIIIIIIIII-LENT...” “SIIIIIIIIII-LENT...” “Yup, he came from here,” Toxxic acknowledges as the crowd continues the chant the name of his old adversary, “and I retired him. I didn’t bring him up for any real reason except to give you another chance to boo me, since you seem to enjoy it so much.” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Well, if you’re in attendance Nathan, I hope your neck’s feeling OK. And honestly, I really do, because last Lockdown I’m sure I hurt you in a way that’s just as bad as what I did at 13th Hour. Because last Wednesday, I did something that no-one else has managed to do since Charlie Matthews. “I managed a successful defence of the SWF World Heavyweight Title, something you failed to do when you lost it back to Danny Williams.” The crowd are unsure whether to boo that or not (after all, Williams is popular too), so they fall back on the old failsafe. “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “Yeah, I defended the belt against Dace F’n Night,” Toxxic continues, shrugging the title over his shoulder. “And I don’t know if anyone else noticed this, but didn’t Dace’s new music seem hauntingly appropriate that night? He always used to come out to ‘Hero’ and beat down the people you hate; on Lockdown he comes out to new music called ‘Painkiller’ and I drop him on his head.” The Straight-Edge Sensation’s grin widens. “I don’t know about you, but that strikes me as somewhat ironic.” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “Ah yes,” the straight-edger says, rolling his eyes. “I forgot you needed an IQ higher than a piece of particularly mouldy bread to know what ‘irony’ is. Never mind, you seem to have mastered three syllables at least.” Before the crowd can quite catch up to that one the world champion forges ahead. “Now I’ve broken the ‘curse’ that seemed to go with the piece of gold, I think it’s time to shift things around a bit,” Toxxic tells the Phoenix faithful. “Y’see, the last thing I want to do is get complacent. Some of the other World Champions never defended the belt between Pay-Per-Views, some of them didn’t even get to the next Pay-Per-View. I’m obviously better than them, but I need to stretch myself a little. So I’ve come up with this marvellous concept - the Toxxic Open Challenge.” “The Toxxic Open Challenge?” Comet asks in confusion. “What in the name of Zeus is he talking about?” “I don’t know, but I want to find out,” Riley replies sternly, “so hush!” “See, I think it’s time we opened up the ranks a little,” the straight-edger continues, hefting the World Title, “so everyone who’s feeling trapped in the undercard, listen up.” The World Champion looks around at the fans packed into the American West Arena. They’ve stopped booing now; they seem to have picked up on the fact that Toxxic has something vaguely important to say. “I’m pretty damn sure I can beat any of you. But with things the way they are I’m not likely to face half of you, and quite frankly - where’s the fun in that? So here’s the deal: “As of now, I’m putting this belt - the greatest prize in the SWF - on the line against anyone. You don’t have to be on a fabulous winning streak, you don’t have to have won a Number One Contender’s match... you don’t have to be sucking up to Zenon,” Toxxic continues, smirking as he does so. “The first person who tells me they want a go will get a title shot on Storm. And before the match on Storm, I’ll be waiting to name another contender for Lockdown, because make no mistake about it, I am going to win.” “Citizens, this is astonishing,” Comet says, completely nonplussed. “The World Champion appears to be ready to take on anyone in the SWF! Criminal or not, I’d actually applaud his courage... if I wasn’t concerned about the state of his mental health.” “Quick! Someone phone Flesher and tell him to get out here!” Riley snaps, hunting for his mobile. “There are only two restrictions,” Toxxic says, counting them off on his fingers. “First; if I have already defeated you for the World Title, you cannot get a shot like this. At the moment this only applies to Flesher and Dace, plus Janus if he ever comes back, but of course,” the straight-edger grins provocatively, “the names on that list will increase as I defeat more and more people.” “That’s unfair!” Riley snorts. “He’s just doing that to hide from Tom!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “Second;” the champion continues, “I’m not having any Johnny-come-latelys or untested rookies getting the chance for a freak upset - in order to qualify for a shot like this, you have to have already had five matches in the SWF... and in case there are any non-bumped guys out there thinking of making a grand return, the SJL does not count!” Toxxic leans back on the turnbuckles. “Anyone who doesn’t qualify - you’ll just have to earn a shot like everyone used to, back in the day.” The fans in Phoenix are buzzing; this wasn’t what they expected when the Straight-Edge Sensation came out, and they’re pleasantly surprised by the notion that more-or-less anyone has the right to demand a match against Toxxic and take his title away. “As long as I haven’t got any plans for the show in question, you’ll get your shot. You can tell me in person, or you can phone me if you know my number,” Toxxic tells the locker room. “You can approach me in the ring, or in the back. You can even talk to the bloody booking committee if you’re feeling shy. But since I’m standing here right now, I haven’t got anything else to do this evening and I’m wearing this shirt,” he briefly fingers the replica England soccer shirt he’s wearing, “allow me to quote a large number of my fellow countrymen when I say... “COME AND ‘AVE A GO IF YOU THINK YER ‘ARD ENOUGH!” That last is delivered at full volume as the World Champion leans over the top rope and flips the classic British v-sign in the general direction of the dressing room. For several long moments nothing happens; the arena remains quiet except for the gradually increasing mutters from the Phoenix fans and Toxxic just waits, impatient arrogance painted over his eyelinered face. “Well Citizens, we’ll just have to wait and see what happens now,” Comet says. “I’m not sure how long Toxxic will be permitted to wait out here - we do have our opening match due at any second. However, the World Champion doesn’t look like he wants to-” ‘JOHNNY DANGEROUS! “Oh no,” Riley groans as the American West Arena rises to its collective feet, “not that moron!” But Riley’s dread is borne out as the lights dim in conjunction with the sultry female announcement, and My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult’s ‘After The Flesh’ starts to thump out over the arena PA. Smoke billows out at the top of the ramp as strobe lighting kicks in, and while the female fans in attendance raise the volume of their screams a little the SWF’s resident Secret Agent makes his way out into centre stage. The Barracuda’s silhouette pauses for a moment, back-lit by all the strobes, then starts to make his way purposefully down to the ring. Toxxic steps back from the ropes with an expression of amused condescension on his face as Dangerous approaches, but Johnny looks deadly serious as he climbs into the ring and beckons the ring crew to get him another mic. Fully equipped, Dangerous turns to face the World Champion and raises the mic to his mouth... but Toxxic beats him to it. “Well, you didn’t take long,” the straight-edger says, looking Dangerous up and down, “but then again, the Barracuda is one of the fastest fish in the sea.” Toxxic’s grin turns nasty. “And he finishes even faster in the bedroom, or so the ladies say.” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Johnny just glares at the smirking Brit and raises his mic again - but once more, Toxxic cuts him off. “OK Johnny, I think I can guess what you’re out here for,” the champion says. “Looking... rather like the bastard offspring of Keanu Reaves and Eric Bischoff, actually.” Toxxic makes a show of peering at the Barracuda’s hair. “Is that Just For Men, I see? But seriously, just so we clarify this; are you out here to accept my challenge, or are you merely demonstrating why impressionable people should never watch The Matrix?” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IX SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “If you can keep your ego under control for a second,” Johnny says tightly, looking like he wants to do nothing more than smack the Straight-Edge Sensation in the kisser, “I might tell you... instead of kicking your arrogant ass all over Phoenix, Arizona!” “RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” The fans react with great enthusiasm to that prospect, but Toxxic simply grins his lopsided grin at the Barracuda and readjusts the title over his shoulder as if to say ‘yeah, right’. “Come on Johnny,” the straight-edger says, “can’t I be allowed a little time to be happy? I’ve successfully defended the belt once, and I’m already the most dominant World Champion since February!” He waves his hand dismissively. “Sure, go ahead, blow your load.” Johnny narrows his eyes at Toxxic, but the Brit says nothing more and Dangerous raises the mic to his mouth again. “Yeah... I’m taking you up on your challenge,” he confirms, to the mass approval of the Phoenix crowd. “I’m busy tonight, but if you can fit me into your hectic schedule,” that bit is said with withering scorn, “would you care to kiss that belt goodbye at Storm?” “Storm...” Toxxic says, as if mulling it over. “Well... OK, you’re on!” he finishes decisively, looking up and flashing the Barracude a condescending grin. “But tell me something, Johnny; since you’ve been losing to Landon, and you’re going to be losing to Dace Night tonight, while I’ve been beating everyone around including Dace Night and Tom Flesher... why do you think you can win?” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “The arrogance of this man!” Comet gasps in fury. “I don’t care who he’s beaten - to talk to another SWF superstar like that is blatant disrespect!” “I think that was kind of the point,” Riley points out. Johnny Dangerous looks at the cocky straight-edger in front of him. And slowly, a smile spreads over the Barracuda’s features as the crowd continue to chant. “Why do I think I can win?” he says, squaring up to the World Champion. “Two reasons. Firstly; all the people here are right,” he sweeps his arm out to encompass the American West Arena, “...because Toxxic sucks.” “JOHN-EE!” “JOHN-EE!” “JOHN-EE!” “Secondly;” Johnny continues, “because of this...” *SMACK!!* “RAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Johnny Kick!” Comet yells in delight as the Barracuda lashes his right boot sideways and up into Toxxic’s jaw, dropping the World Champion and his title to the mat. “Agent Dangerous just showed the so-called Straight-Edge Sensation exactly what he thinks of him!” “Cheap shot!” Riley screams. “That was a damn cheap shot Comet, and you know it!” Johnny looks interested in the World Title belt but Jet steps forward to defend her fallen boyfriend, and the Secret Agent has no interest in fighting women. Instead he just smiles at her and casts one last lingering look at the title before stepping through the ropes and starting to make his way up the ramp while the cheers of the crowd continue to ring in his ears. “JOHN-EE!” “JOHN-EE!” “JOHN-EE!” Toxxic is sitting up, rubbing his jaw and casting a dark glance at the receding back of his new challenger. Johnny appears to be entirely unconcerned with the Straight-Edge Sensation and is instead busy charming a couple of the ladies who have lined the entrance ramp, but he blows them a kiss and disappears into the back as Toxxic angrily regains his feet and snatches his title up. “Comet, I think Johnny has ruined our World Champion’s good mood,” Riley tells his broadcast partner, who is beaming through his mask. “Oh indeed, Robert, and it couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person,” the superhero agrees. “Now don’t go away, Citizens - we’ve got ‘Grand Slam’ versus the Bermani Cross Wizard coming up NEXT~!” FADE OUT

Don't worry, it's been taken care of. Toxxic/Chris Wilson/El Luchadore Magnifico vs. Thugg/Axis/Jamie Bjork has been put onto the card.

Regardless of my status as Batman, a quick note: I will be at the Red Sox game tonight, so I won't be back until sometime between 11PM and midnight. I'll arrange the show right after that, then make up a card for you ingrates. Remember to send all booking requests to me, and if there's anything you guys are looking for, just let me know. The more, the merrier. Oh, Z, send me a roster. Because if you don't, I'm going to book with a much smaller roster (aka GOdrea vs. Tom 8 different times).

You can't fire me! Because I am................ BATMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, I don't think I'll be doing that.

It is convenient to have a nice list like this. Plus, it's interesting just to see all the moves that people are using as finishers right now. And on the note of what people had been saying: Only one person ever kicked out of the Boston Massacre, which was an elevated Death Valley Driver (gorilla press slam into DVD). The only kickout was Erek Taylor kicking out in our retirement match. That Taylor thought he was so good...

Yay for being #2! Now all I need to do is kill Dace Night, and things will be perfect....

Man, it's interesting looking at the difference in the World Title between 2003 and 2004... In 2003, there were a total of six titles changes, and seven different champs: El Luchadore Magnifico, TNT, Tom Flesher, Thoth, Strangler, Tom again, and Ejiro on the last show of the year. After just over seven months in 2004, we've had 9 title changes already, and 8 different champions: Ejiro, Danny, Va'aiga, Matthews, Duran, Danny (again), Kibagami, Danny (AGAIN), Janus, and now Toxxic. Here's hoping for the World Title to continue the trend that Janus started and to jump around less towards the end of the year. I know that a certain Brit is hoping the same.

Here's an idea: - Let's say they do the title change at Summerslam, thanks to an Edge heel turn. Earlier in the night, have Edge drop the IC strap to Batista in the three-way between Edge, Batista, and Jericho. Then, the IC strap is onto a new champ who needs a belt to really establish himself as a legit threat, rather than a giant bodyguard. - Now, you have HHH continue his feud with Eugene, have Edge feud with Benoit, send Jericho after Randy Orton (use the battle royale as the impetus for the feud), Kane and Michaels feud, and bring back Shelton Benjamin to feud with Batista. That means that the No Mercy lineup is: - Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho, World Title - Chris Benoit vs. Edge - HHH vs. Eugene (probably some kind of gimmick here) - Shawn Michaels vs. Kane - Batista vs. Shelton Benjamin - Random tag match - Random women's match - Another random singles match (Matt Hardy vs. Christian?) That seems like it takes care of most of RAW's problems. It lets Jericho regain a little credibility with a World Title program (and should make Orton look good in the process, since Jericho can go), it keeps Benoit out of an IC-title feud, it makes Batista look better, gives Benjamin something to come back and do, and Edge gets to look great in the ring again. The HHH/Eugene feud might be dragging by then, but they'll come up with something to work it along for a bit. Honestly, that lineup doesn't look bad, and it fits into the way that the WWE wants it to work out.

*Laughs at the old geezers who are 9th and 12th on the list* I'm 16th and 18th on that list. I be a spring chicken, yo.

Andrew W.K. is gonna be there? Dropkick Murphys + Andrew W.K. + Bad Religion + Rancid + Pennywise = BADASS. The only two bands I would have liked to see added are Green Day (who played this thing all the time) and Flogging Molly (would one more show have killed them?). Still, that's one hell of a bill.

I vaguely remember Crowe's old EZBoard and that fed he had. Wasn't it something like two people co-writing matches, and the winner was the one who contributed the better segments? I don't remember what it was called, though. MAN, that was a long time ago.

Damn misleading nicknames. And for pointing out the ignorance of an SWF legend (in his own mind only), Toxxic and a partner of his choice will job to the greatest tag team that never wrestled a match in SWF history: The Boston Librarian Open Source. The Information Superhighway! Fear the Dewey Decimal Drop! Cower from the Blue Screen Of Death! The Information Superhighway is upon you! *stops doing cocaine* Ah....much better.

MAIN EVENT TRIPLE THREAT, WORLD TITLE BOUT, TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS Janus© vs "The Superior One" Tom Flesher© vs Toxxic - Hmmm....I'll pick Tom to take this one. I know he wants to take ELM's record down, and he's gotta win this to do it. TAG TEAM MATCH TAG TEAM TITLE BOUT 42nd Street© vs Andrea Montgomery & The Birdman - As much as I really want to pick GOdrea and Birdman....ah, screw it. Go Andrea! Go Birdman! WIN WIN WIN! TRIPLE THREAT NUMBER ONE CONTENDER BOUT; SUBMISSIONS MATCH Jamie Drazon vs Ace Lezaire vs Dace Night - Most likely Dace. However, I could definitely see Ace pulling off a big upset. SINGLES MATCH ICTV TITLE BOUT Johnny Dangerous© vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix - Landon's gonna take this one. There are laws about Johnny holding legitimate title belts. Time to enforce those laws. SINGLES MATCH USJL TITLE BOUT Manson© vs "The Icon" Max King - Hmmm....tough call. It's great to see a revamped Manson, but I've liked what I've seen of King....I'll go with the champ to retain IF he writes, which he better... HARDCORE MATCH HARDCORE TITLE BOUT Martin "Big Country" Hunt© vs Sean Davis - These two I know very little about. So I'll go with the big dude to retain his title. Big man pride and all. SINGLES MATCH Ced Ordonez vs Munich - I'll take Ced here. Because Ced can play DDR on Munich's SKULL! SINGLES MATCH ??? vs Candace - I have NO clue who Candace is. Therefore, I gotta pick my boy ??? MALL BRAWL V Austin Sly vs "The Corona" Vladimir Everheart vs Edward James vs Petey the Irish Penguin vs Ryan Dustin vs ??? - My heart says Petey, but my brain tells me, once again, NEVER to pick against ???. I'll take ??? to win his second match of the night, and challenge Galatea's record down the line. BONUS PREDICTION: Z dies of an anime overdose, and Grand Slam has to come back....to post the show. Gripping, I know.

Birdman + GOdrea = OWNAGE

So....this is a card. ..... .............. .............................. +1

I'm going to the last show, which is the 10th Anniversary show they're doing in Foxboro. The lineup seems to be pretty impressive so far (I know the Dropkick Murphys said they were planning on playing it, as were Rancid and Pennywise), and there are supposed to be more showing up. Basically, I just wanna see what happens, so it's worth going with a friend or two.

Someone should slap a beard and a wig on Vin Diesel and make him into Strangler.

I beat Spiderman 2. Go me.

MAIN EVENT SINGLES MATCH "The Superior One" Tom Flesher vs Toxxic (Special Guest Commentator: Janus) Hmmm......no contest after Janus lays both their asses out. ICTV TITLE BOUT LANDON'S DISGRESSION STIP Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix© vs Johnny Dangerous - Landon. TAG TEAM TITLE BOUT 42nd Street©* (Todd Cortez & The Masked Man) vs Spike Jenkins & Sean Davis * = Not 'official' champions - Spike CANNOT have another title. Go 42nd Street SINGLES MATCH Ace Lezaire vs Dace Night - Dace to win the match and our hearts SUBMISSIONS MATCH Jamie Drazon vs Alan Clark - Go Petro the Clown! FATAL FOUR WAY USJL TITLE #1 CONETENDERSHIP "The Icon" Max King vs Munich vs vs Manson vs Ced Ordonez - Hmmm...I'll take Ced. Benami Cross Wizards 4 Lyfe! HARDCORE TITLE BOUT Ryan Dustin© vs Martin "Big Country" Hunt - I don't know either of those people. I'll take the champ to retain. SINGLES MATCH The Birdman vs Andrea Montgomery - Go Andrea! GOAT for president! SINGLES MATCH Edward James vs "The Corona" Vladimir Everheart - Vladimir Everheart....that name sounds too gothy and so forth for my likings. I'll take the nice, vanilla name of Edward James.

I say you no-sell it. I no-sold a car, and look where it got me. No-selling anything and everything will make you lots of friends, help all your storylines, and make you more attractive to women. I mean, Ash did that all the time, and he's knee-deep in internet women.

RIDICULOUS DEBUT AGAINST TWO ESTABLISHED VETERANS!! Munich vs. Manson vs. Rob Gilbert NEWBIE GETS CHANCE TO BOUNCE OFF OF LOSS BY FIGHTING A MAN IN A PENGUIN SUIT!! Heath Black vs. Petey the Irish Penguin ~ I refuse to pick against the penguin. NEWBIE GETS CHANCE TO CONTINUE WINNING STREAK BY FIGHTING FORMER REFEREE!! Max King vs. Ced Ordonez CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE DEFENSE ALREADY?? CRAAAAAZY!! Martin “Big Country” Hunt vs. Austin Sly© HARDCORE TITLE SHOT CASH-IN!! Ryan Dustin vs. Mike Van Siclen© #1 CONTENDERSHIP FOR SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE!! “Deathwish” Danny Williams vs. Toxxic ICTV CHAMPION IS IMMEDIATELY SENTENCED TO DEATH IN BOILER ROOM BRAWL!! Jay Dawg vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix© TOM CASHES IN ON TITLE SHOT… JANUS SUSPENDED… FIGHTS JOHNNY DANGEROUS INSTEAD!! “The Superior One” Tom Flesher vs. Johnny Dangerous ~ Note that Tom is the only person who wasn't listed last that I picked to win a match. Tom, if you betray my trust, so help me god, you will PAY.

Dace, don't you even DARE suggest that someone use the Press Slam DVD. The Boston Massacre shall live forever! And my biggest point with finishers is that it should be a move that isn't in anyone else's moveset, with very few exceptions. You don't want to be writing a Fallaway Slam, for example, as your finisher if three other guys use it as a transition move. Make sure to try and be unique to the fed with your finisher. It's cool to use old finishers (except for mine, of course), but don't be blatant with the ripoffs, and don't use moves others are already using. It'll just create problems down the line.

The following people would be good: - Chris Wilson (I don't think he's been mentioned yet) - King - Mark - Axis - Neilsen (also a real wildcard) - Judge and/or Ejiro - Mak Francis (He'd be a good face PBP guy, IMO) - Erek Taylor (good heel wiseass commentator)

I declare every match is hereby contested under bra and panties rules unless specifically stated otherwise.