Special K

Was the V speech intact? By which I mean the corny allitteration? As in: V, A vestibule of veal, Verily, Vermouth. Venkman. Va Vunchback of Votre Vlame. Vash the stampede. Verily . V V V ! I just thought of violin! Voila! Venison. I valso came up with some words. Veracty. Volatile. Let's go fuck some shit up.

Well - I'm proud of myself. THis is the Nth tim I've created a thread of this nature while drunk and made a fool of myself.

Oddly enough, various rappers are pretty good actors. I mean, comparing them to any other no-talent celebrity. Often they just play themselves, but: Mos Def is good, Ice Cube is good, mostly comedically. Snoop is good, but he just plays himself. Ice T is just a fucking good actor. Ludacris was good in the pivotal scene in Hustle & Flow.

Memphis WAS nuts. Ever see Rude wrecking Lawler's car? That was the SHIT.

When I fellate myself it looks like THIS.

You can't put a number on BRILLIANCE~!

Click. "Yeah?" "Thurston Moore?" Cubby drops a pencil's nub onto the stack of white paper in his lap. "Yeah. And you're...?" "Uh, my name's Cubby Branch." He starts doodling a skull. "Can I...interview you? Just for, like, a minute?" Doodle, doodle. Thurston breathes out, an irritated sounding rattle made kind of supernatural by the cheapo speaker in Cubby's greasy receiver. "It'll have to be quick." "God, thanks." Cubby clears his throat. He focuses on the almost imperceptible, eye deadening grain in the top sheet of the paper, so as not to let any rapport, good or bad, start with one of his four total idols, because... well, just because. "So I want to know why Sonic Youth does what it...does." "Meaning?" Cubby looks around his room until his eyes hit a mirror, him in it. His eyes are so burnt out and bloodshot they seem one dimensional, like peephole views of an American flag. Otherwise he's just him, i.e. stoned, too thin, fucked up hair, needy looking...Shit. He refocuses on the blurry pattern of ground up, processed, bleached wood in his lap, which neutralizes his thoughts a little. Cool... "Meaning..." he says. "Uh, I don't know. To understand how you think, I guess." Deep in the cave of the earpiece, Thurston...snickers? "Like.. what was the difference between doing the, uh, Dirty album and doing the earlier stuff from, you know, way back in the, uh...eighties?" "The eighties, huh?" Thurston sounds kind of...pissed which would sound really great on a record, but like, one on one, is a little nerve wracking obviously. "Well," he adds, "we're better at what we do now." "Right. Of course. Duh." Cubby's transcribing wildly, not that he's actually going to print this in a magazine or anything. "And what do you think of...fans like me? How differently do you feel now from...the way you used to think of us? You know, before you got famous and everything?" "You're the reason we happened, dude." "Then you're glad we worship you? 'Cos we do. I'm in this phase of playing Sister all the time. Check this out." Cubby reaches over and cranks up his stereo. The song "Cotton Crown" happens to be playing. He holds the receiver into that spacey onslaught. "I'm wasted in time and you're never ready..." After a minute, he turns down the volume and slams the earpiece into his ear again. "See?" "Yeah...thanks." Thurston emits this noise that's the auditory equivalent of a shrug. "But uh...back to the worshipping question?" Cubby waits, listens, filling in blanks, etc. but it's taking Thurston for-fucking-ever to answer. "So," he continues tentatively, "you're saying, uh...ultimately...that you're not ...sure? Wait, wait. Give me a sec. I'm...writing this down...uh...okay, ready." "Ultimately?" Thurston's back to sort of snickering again. "Sure. Worship away." "Thanks, ha ha." Cubby's scribbling. "Does us being, uh...male or female make any difference to you?" There's this weird lull. "Uh...you still there, Thurston?" "Yeah. Is that a trick question?" Cubby casts a little glance at his bedroom door. It's reassuringly shut. In the way, way distance, he can hear his girlfriend tidying herself in the bathroom. "Sort of." "Hm..." Cubby quits writing and shakes his cramped hand a bit, worrying about that "hm." "So, you're a male, I'm guessing," says Thurston. "Yeah." Cubby snorts up some wobbly nose goo and swallows it. "And you're how old?" "Uh... thirteen." "And... why do you want to know?" Thurston's mouth has started making this, like, impatient clicking sound. "Cos...Shit. Don't, like, hate me but...your music gives me a boner, ha ha ha. Always. It's weird. Especially the, uh, Sister album and especially when you're singing. And especially, especially on... You know in "Schizophrenia" when you sing that line about, uh, "Her brother says she's just a bitch with a golden chain?" Well, when you sing that, I'm thinking, "Yeah, I am a bitch, Thurston." you know? And I guess I'm worried whether you think I'm weird for interpreting that that way. Does it freak you out to know there's a kid in the world who gets a boner from your music...but especiall from you? You know what I mean?" "Gee," Thurston chuckles. In the earpiece there's this very faint ding dong. "Can you hold on, Cubby?" There's a clunk as Thurston's receiver's laid down on a table or something. While his idol's away, Cubby fills in blanks, crosses t's, etc. Out of decency, he tries not to take in what Thurston and some other voice are discussing, but it's a chore to tune out since every other word's something interesting like "Geffen Records" or "tour" or "video shoot." "I have to cut this short," Thurston says suddenly. His voice is so loud and distorted that Cubby wrenches the receiver away from his ear for a second. "Who's...there?" Cubby asks, wincing. "A friend." "Is he or she someone I might've heard of, ha ha ha?" "Could be." Thurston's breaths have speeded up for some reason. Probably from, like, moving around or whatever. Duh. "You ever heard of Kim Gordon?" Thurston chuckles. "But seriously..." He has such a beautiful fucking surferish way of talking. Wow! There is a God. "I'm kind of busy at the moment." "Kim Gordon!" Cubby punches himself in the head, albeit gently. "Tell her hi for me." "Okay." Thurston clears his throat. "Hi from Cubby." Now, from deep in the phone, a very faint voice, obviously Kim's, says, "Hi, Cubby," in a, uh, sullen type way that could either sound totally sincere or bored to death depending on the level of the listener's paranoia, intelligence, etc. Such is her genius, thinks Cubby daydreamily. Then his ears catch the way spooky creaking floor sounds that undoubtedly signal his girlfriend's return. Sh-i-i-i-it. "Shit, uh...I'm gonna go now Thurston, and uh, hopefully get another boner thanks to you, ha ha ha, and you can, uh, go fuck Kim or whatever you guys want to do." Cubby stares, horrified, at his bedroom door. Creak, creak, creak... "Later, Cubby." "Yeah, uh... Thanks a billion, Thurston." Click

Best lyrics ever: I went away to see an old friend of mine. His sister came over, she was out of her mind. She said: Jesus had a twin, Who knew nothing about sin; And she was laughing like crazy At the trouble I'm in. Her light eyes were dancing. She is insane. Her brother says she's just a bitch On a golden chain She keeps coming closer Saying "I can feel it in my bones - Schizophrenia is taking me home" Best lyrics ever. Bar fucking none.

Yeah, well you're a... a... a... Free-Formed Man-Servant. I got nothing. Oh I got one! Fuck, fuck, Mensa Scabies. TAKE THAT!

God, after that out of context quote, I should probably just call "GI Bro" the pinnacle of black filmmaking. If you're a kraut/ He'll take you out.

Seriously, that's the only example I can think of. I was pretty much trying to make the point that the best drama I've seen with a large black cast is OZ, which is hardly enforcing positive stereotypes. Plus the best characters on that show were white, except Sayid. I mean there's Homicide, which is one of the best shows I've ever, ever seen, which had Andre Braugher and Yaphet Kotto, both of whom were the shit. But there's a ton of excellent TV dramas out there, and none with a primarily black cast. Thief will be good, because Andre Braugher is the fucking man.

Anyone who has ever worked for tips, tips. I worked at a car wash. I made minimum, which is more than most servers make, and minimum in WA state is pretty damn good, as long as you don't have to pay rent. It was a tremendously fun job, no sarcasm. I observed this: People in pieces of shit cars usually tipped a couple quarters. They'd probably worked for tips. People in middle-range cars tipped well. They had a buck or two, and had been there. People in Lexuses, Hummers, and Escalades? Usually didn't tip a fucking thing, entitled assholes. Sometimes you'd get a really happy guy who pitched in something outrageous like $10 It was next to the biggest strip club in Seattle. The strippers? Tipped like maniacs. Aside: Protip from Doug/Gamepro: If your paint job is so fucking nice that an automated wash leaves little tiny swirly marks in your previous, precious wax job, GET IT HAND WASHED YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT. EVERY SINGLE automated car wash does that. We're not whipping your car with fucking barb wire. If your car can't take getting viciously touched by soft, silky fabric washers, maybe your car has a problem. That felt good. /Aside: Anyway, fucking tip at lunch. 50c, a buck, nothing major. A buck usually works out to about 20%, look how nice you are! Fast food meals cost about 5 bucks nowadays, anyway. Would you rather wolf down 3 chicken tenders from the golden arches dining club in your car, or sit down and have a good burger or a salad or something? Fuck, I can walk into an actual good restaurant at lunchtime, and have a cup of french onion soup and a side ceasar for 6 bucks EASY. And them shits are delicious. That is worth a buck. Or I can have some cactus tacos. MMmmm. But I digress. If you're a cheap bastard, go all the way, there's nothing wrong with that. Buy, like, 3 snackers from KFC. It's a meal, it tastes pretty good, no tip.

Well, we've cut the fat. Good posters all around. Slayer Niskie Carnival The Czech Republic I pick Slayer to win. he consistently, actually, makes me laugh. He's good people.

I'm always weird. After midnight I'm drunk. And horny! But I do push pencils around all day, so I'm really strong. FITE ME U POSER

I'm convinceed the character of Brian is totally based on Brian Posehn Of Mr. Show fame. He has the exact same delivery. "It's so big, it's fucking great." Angela's actually a total babe when she smiles.

I was mulling this over, and it's definitely true there's been a scarcity of good black (OMG I mean urban) TV shows. Has there ever been a good TV drama where most of the characters are black? Maybe OZ, which is undeniably excellent, but hardly seems like a good example.

Uran is practising 'Jeet Kune Do' (cantonese for "The Way Of The Intercepting Fist", or in her case, the foot). By whose famous martial artist's path gets she leaded?

I'm really surprised Hellblazer isn't higher, by far the longest running Vertigo book. I love Preacher, but I don't really think it should be higher than Transmet, though I've only read about half of Transmet.

Downhome is now the best poster ever.

I will say bloomin' onions are pretty swell. Have you ever seen someon finish one, though?

That's seriously the best title for a movie ever. It will suck, but really, that's great.

They took maybe Hellblazer's best storyline, Dangerous Habits and did pretty well by it. They took Keanu fucking Reeves, and he did a pretty good job, even though he's not Blonde, English, or a total bastard. That movie really surprised me. It didn't do the character justice, but it was really good, IMO. Not saying much, but it's some of the best acting Keanu has done. LXG was so unforgivably horrible. I dread a Watchmen adaptation too. If they had the littlest of balls, Miracleman could be an incredibe movie. They don't, and it's hard enough to find it to read. V for Vendetta is honestly one of my least favorite Alan Moore stories. It's GOOD, don't get me wrong, but I think it's overrated. I'll take TOP 10 over it any day.

I've only been to a handful of events live. Seattle has a general paucity regarding wrestling. I went to WMIX. HUGE crowd. set a record for Safeco, natch. The BEST heat was Michaels Jericho. Great heat throughout, and the event everyone was standing up for. People were rooting for both men, and the crowd popped huge for the handshake. The only boos were for Jericho when he kicked Michaels in the nuts. Crowd was also jacked for Rock/Austin, but slowly died, especially at the end. I've never seen the commentary for this match, but live, it seemed like a straight-up squash. The most heat was on Hogan/McMahon. People were losing their minds for that match. By far the best was an ECW television taping I went to when I was in the 3rd row. I drove so far to see that fucking show, and while the wrestling wasn't great, it was an incredible experience. Sabu almost took my head off. EDIT: My only regret is I've never seen a Sandman entrance live. He pretty much sucks, but so does Hogan. Sandman's entrance live must be a fucking experience. Best entrance in the history of wrestling, between the hero worship, beer and song. The heat was so incredible in that little exhibition center, it blew away WMIX. Tommy Dreamer and RVD made the place EXPLODE. For people who hate on ECW: that's what it was all about, the crowd participation, the hero worship of RVD (who fought Spike and One Man Gang), it was all incredible. And spike, as usual, gave his body for the match. I was with two friends at WMIX. I was alone at the ECW show. The ECW show took it hands down. It was just a wonderful experience.

The Thrawn series is awesome. Here's my whole pisstake on the new trilogy. Ok: Clearly Anakin and Obi-Wan are the main characters. Why on earth would you waste the ENTIRE first movie with little to no character development for Anakin? Making him a kid was the worst mistake they could have made. Sure the kid sucked, but you were wasting the whole movie in the first place. It should have been an entire movie with Anakin turning. It happened way too fast in Sith (a pretty good movie) and made Anakin look, frankly, gullible and stupid. And let's face it, the series loses a LOT without a Han Solo character. A bunch of Jedis sitting around, twiddling their fucking thumbs and speaking in platitudes is not that exciting. I can see that SWII is an enjoyable movie if you don't compare it to the previous Star Wars movies, but Phantom Menace is a straight-up terrible movie. Just terrible. But either way, the Thrawn series is awesome, and reads like a movie.