Mystery Eskimo
-
Posts
1211 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Blogs
Posts posted by Mystery Eskimo
-
-
I have Steamboat vs Tully Blanchard lined up. Should be fun.
-
Darkness should have been Xmas no 1 over here, even though it was an awful song. That damn Mad World is so dull.
I became a Darkness fan when I saw them at Glastonbury, which was an amazing set. I can see how people could easily hate them, but I think they're a lot of fun.
-
Fuck Britain.
UYI
Fuck our Government. Not us. God knows they don't speak for us these days.
MJ is presumed innocent till proven guilty. Personally, I think he's a very sick man who needs to be locked up for his own good and the good of those around him. But he has the right to continue his career. I don't see him cruising the streets of London for kids right now.
And yeah, any parent who allows their child to spend time alone with any single man they don't know should be charged with negligence.
-
I like Nash...not in the ring, but he's a smart, funny guy. A manager/bodyguard/mentor role for someone would be fun.
-
Anyone else? Money, Shuffle, Alf, Teddy, Jay?
-
So, anyone have anything for the very last OAOAST show of 2003? C'mon, you know you want to...
-
^^^
Yes, then when she meets you, she'll not like you and never talk to you again.
.I thought you swapped spit? I'm sure I read that in this thread somewhere.
Anyway. Norwich are ghey.
-
I believe he refused to lose to Homicide.
-
Christmas Credits
Mystery Eskimo
PRL
La Parka
SpiderPoet
and the original writers of the past matches, whoever they may be.
-
::The camera cuts around to the otherside of the parking lot. The crowd is in awe for a few seconds, but once Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, Cuban Wall, and Puerto Rican Lightning show up on screen, the booing begins. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez drags PRL by his right arm through the parking lot with Wall following suit.::
Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:
Okay. Okay. It should be here by now. Okay. Trust me, PRL. You will like this. This is a great gift we got you, to show you how much you mean to us in the Lightning Crew.
Cuban Wall:
Boss, this is a great gift. One of a kind. You will love it. I promise you.
Lindsay:
A lot of work went into making this gift. And we hope you are proud of it.
Puerto Rican Lightning:
What is it? I can’t wait.
Lindsay:
Okay. Here it is. Merry Christmas Puerto Rican Lightning!
::Puerto Rican Lightning looks around, and when he finds the present, his jaw drops. He jumps up and down and kisses Lindsay and even Cuban Wall, who wipes his face in disgust.::
JR:
Well, what did he get?
::The camera turns around to reveal PRL’s big Christmas gift. The crowd is in shock. PRL’s gift is a red, blue, and orange low rider. Red on the left, blue in the middle, and orange on the right. On the front of the car is the official Lightning Crew logo. The car features spinning 20 inch rims, a gold steering wheel, red white and orange windshield wipers, a massive stereo system in the trunk, and a Lightning Crew air freshener. The car also has huge headlights and a giant red bow on it, which PRL removes. The crowd boos that PRL got such a nice car. Lightning hugs Lindsay once again and acts giddy like a schoolgirl. “P.R. SUCKS!” chants follow.::
Puerto Rican Lightning (Hyper):
I can’t believe it! I can’t believe it! I can’t believe it! THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU ALL! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! WOOO-HOOO!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT SUCH A GREAT CHRISTMAS GIFT. Well, actually I can, but I can’t believe it happened this fast. THANK YOU LIGHTNING CREW!!! Hey, Wall, does, does it bounce?
Cuban Wall:
Sure.
::Wall presses a button next to the steering wheel, and the low rider starts to bounce up and down. PRL giggles like crazy.::
PRL:
Wow! 20-Inch Rims. Now I look like a Rap Superstar! I-I-I-I can’t thank you enough!
Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:
We had this low rider personalized just for you.
Puerto Rican Lightning:
Aw, shucks guys. Thanks so much. This is mine! ALL MINE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! Seriously, I will let only one other person drive it. And that person…. is CUBAN WALL!
Cuban Wall:
Thanks boss. I will be sure to treat it well whenever I get the keys.
PRL:
You deserve it man. From now on, this low rider is the OFFICIAL Transportation device for the Lightning Crew. I dubbed thee The Lightning Crew Mobile. We will be traveling city from city on it, and showing all these pieces of trailer-park trash what they can’t have! HAHAHA! Damn I’m good.
::Puerto Rican Lightning opens the door and gets into the car. He is amazed at how soft the cushions are.::
PRL:
Wow. Great.
::Puerto Rican Lightning tries the windshield wipers and the radio which is quite loud. PRL jumps up and down in the low rider with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Cuban Wall looking on with smiles on their faces. PRL stands up in the low rider with a smile on his face.::
Puerto Rican Lightning:
Hey Linds. Wall. You know that movie Titanic with Leonardo Di Caprio? Well, to steal a phrase: “I’M KING OF THE WORLDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!”
::Suddenly, a man dressed as Santa Claus comes to the parking lot. “Santa” is wearing the usual Santa Claus costume and is carrying a red bag. He walks around the parking lot wishing Merry Christmas to passerby’s, and gives sugar canes to some. PRL, Cuban Wall, and Lindsay look on in disbelief wondering why Santa Claus would be in a parking lot. PRL has an odd stare on his face as “Santa” comes up to the Lightning Crew members.::
“Santa Claus”:
Ho! Ho! Ho! ::Looks at Lindsay:: HO! Merry Christmas, ya’ll! Look at what we have here. Three members of the Lightning Crew. Now according to Santa’s list, you all have been very naughty this year. Now, Santa should be sending you a lump of coal this year, but instead, since Santa is such a generous guy, he will be giving you gifts.
::PRL stares at “Santa” with an odd look on his face. “Santa Claus” removes some items out of his bag.::
“Santa”:
Now first for Cuban Wall, here’s your present. Here’s a lollipop fill with lint. I would give you an actual lollipop, but you haven’t been good enough to deserve one.
::”Santa” pulls something else out of his bag. Lindsay Gonzalez stares at “Santa” also.::
“Santa”:
Now, for Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. I have for you…birth control pills. Because since you are such a Ho, Ho, HO!, Santa figured that you need these.
::The crowd pops loudly as Lindsay drops the birth control pills on the floor. Wall and PRL become furious while the crowd chants “SLUT! SLUT! SLUT! SLUT! SLUT!”::
Puerto Rican Lightning:
All right! Just who the hell are you?!?!
“Santa Claus”:
Puerto Rican Lightning. You are #1 on Santa’s list. Santa just so happens to have a gift for you sent by…let’s just say an old friend. Here you go, P.R. Happy Holidays! Ho! Ho! Ho!
::Puerto Rican Lightning receives a green box with a red bow on top of it. The crowd buzzes in anticipation as to what is inside the box. PRL hesistates but opens the box. He grabs what’s inside and freaks out as soon as he sees the gift. Cuban Wall and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez freak out also. The gift inside the green box was a wax head made to look like Puerto Rican Lightning. The head is decapitated from the body, which is made noticeable by the red around the neck and the fake blood dripping from beneath the wax head. The PRL wax head looks dead with x’s across the eyes.::
JR:
THAT’S MUST BE FROM THE MAD CAPPA! THE MAD CAPPA HAS SENT PRL A MESSAGE!!!
::Suddenly, “Santa Claus” gives Puerto Rican Lightning the BUST A CAP! PRL does the Rock oversell on the concrete. The crowd pops loudly knowing who Santa really is. And they are right, as “Santa” removes his hat, beard, and jacket…. to reveal THE MAD CAPPA.::
JR:
IT’S MAD CAPPA! THE MAD CAPPA IS IN THE BUILDING! GO GET HIM CAPPA! GET PRL!!!
::The crowd is cheering loudly. Cuban Wall goes after Cappa, but receives a low blow. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez stands still screaming for PRL and urging for someone to help him. Cappa beats on Wall some more then picks up PRL and beats on him with the crowd 100% behind him.::
JR:
THE MAD CAPPA TEARING INTO PRL 5 DAYS BEFORE THEIR NA TITLE MATCH AT BLOODY, BATTERED, AND BEATEN!!!
The Mad Cappa whips PRL into a garage door. He follows with the IMPACT on the concrete. The Mad Cappa picks up the dazed Puerto Rican Lightning, and continues beating on him laying lefts and rights. He slams Lightning’s head onto a car, and then does it again onto another car. He then whips PRL into another car.
Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:
Oh God! Will somebody please help him? Will somebody help P.R.?
Help! Somebody Help!
The Mad Cappa gives PRL another BUST A CAP to another loud pop. The Mad Cappa flips PRL the middle finger, then whips him into a table. Cappa drags PRL through the table knocking down plates, food, and other items. The crowd cheers loudly as Cappa gets on top of the table, with Puerto Rican Lightning.
JR:
IS CAPPA GOING TO DO WHAT I THINK HE IS GOING TO DO? HE IS NOT! HE IS NOT GOINGTO SEND PRL THROUGH THE TABLE IS HE?
The crowd buzzes in anticipation. Cuban Wall is lying on the concrete struggling to get up. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is screaming for Help. The Mad Cappa picks up Puerto Rican Lightning and puts him in a Piledriver position. The Mad Cappa signals to the crowd, then, drives Puerto Rican Lightning through the table with a Piledriver to the roars of the crowd.
JR:
THE MAD CAPPA HAS JUST DROVE PRL STRAIGHT TO HELL! BAWD GAWD WHAT A MOVE! WHAT AN INCREDIBLE MOVE FROM THE MAD CAPPA! THIS FEUD HAS BROUGHT OUT THE VICIOUSNESS IN BOTH MEN, AND NO DOUBT THAT VICIOUSNESS WILL BE ON DISPLAY THIS SUNDAY AT BLOODY, BATTERED, AND BEATEN WHERE PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING AND THE MAD CAPPA MEET ONE-ON-ONE IN THE RING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 7 MONTHS!
::The crowd is chanting “Cap-pa! Cap-pa! Cap-pa! Cap-pa!”. The Mad Cappa poses then spits onto an unconscious PRL.::
The Mad Cappa:
Merry Christmas Puerto Rican Lightning!
::The Mad Cappa leaves the parking lot just as Cuban Wall gets up. The crowd is buzzing, chanting “Cap-pa! Cap-pa! Cap-pa! Cap-pa!” Tha Puerto Rican is still knocked out from the Piledriver and is lying on the concrete next to broken pieces of the table. Cuban Wall and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez go to check on Lightning and try to wake him up.::
Cuban Wall:
PRL. Wake up. PRL. Wake up!
Lindsay:
Come on, baby! Wake up for me. Wake up for me please!
Wall:
Wake up boss! Wake up!
Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:
Will somebody get an ambulance?
JR:
PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING HAS BEEN DEALT A HEAVY BLOW GOING INTO BLOODY, BATTERED, AND BEATEN. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT THE MAD CAPPA HAS THE PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVANTAGE GOING INTO THE PAY-PER-VIEW! THIS SUNDAY, THESE TWO MEN WILL MEET IN THE RING FOR PRL’S NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP! IF PRL REFUSES TO COMPETE, HE IS BARRED FROM THE OAOAST FOR LIFE! WHAT WILL HAPPEN? WILL THE MAD CAPPA GET WHAT HE DESERVES? WILL PRL GET HIS COMEUPPANCE? WILL THE MAD CAPPA BECOME VICTORIOUS? OR WILL PRL SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY RETAIN THE NA TITLE? ORDER BLOODY, BATTERED, AND BEATEN THIS SUNDAY, DECEMBER 28th TO FIND OUT!!!
::The last image is of Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Cuban Wall checking up on Puerto Rican Lightning. Still unconscious. Still lying on top of shards of wood that used to be a table. Food, plates, and various items are scattered across the parking lot. A medical personnel comes to the scene to check on Puerto Rican Lightning.::
::FADE TO BLACK::
::Cut to images of Puerto Rican Lightning and The Mad Cappa fightning to the tune of Marylin Manson's "Fight Song"::
Narrator:
For 7 months, he has waited for this moment.
Mad Cappa (V.O.):
At Bloody, Battered, and Beaten, you will suffer a Cappa nightmare!
Narrator:
He has been avoiding this moment for 7 months.
::Clips of the numerous clips of PRL running away from Cappa.::
PRL:
I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE MAD CAPPA!!!
::Clips of PRL and Cappa fightning each other are shown.::
Narrator:
Now. Two young superstars with an undying hatred for each other will go head-to-head for the OaOasT North American Championship!
Stephen Joseph (V.O.):
If Puerto Rican Lightning refuses to compete at Bloody, Battered, and Beaten for any reason, other than a legitimate injury, PRL will be barred from the OaOasT 4-Life.
::Cut to a closeup of Puerto Rican Lightning.::
Narrator:
Puerto Rican Lightning.
::Cut to a closeup of The Mad Cappa posing on the turnbuckle working the crowd up with a smile on his face.::
Narrator:
The Mad Cappa.
::More PRL/Cappa clips are shown.::
Narrator:
For the OaOasT North American Championship.
::Clips of the Lightning Crew nearly crippling The Mad Cappa on the May 27th edition of IntenseZone.::
Puerto Rican Lightning:
I WILL CRIPPLE YOUR ASS AT BLOODY, BATTERED, AND BEATEN! I WILL GET THE JOB DONE!!!
The Mad Cappa:
I will walk out of Bloody, Battered, and Beaten the NEW OaOasT North American Champion!
::The Bloody, Battered, And Beaten logo shows up on the screen along with the IntenseZone and HeldDown logos. The info for the pay-per-view is shown on screen as "Fight Song" by Marylin Manson comes to an end.::
Narrator:
IntenseZone and HeldDown present: OaOasT Bloody, Battered, and Beaten. Sunday December 28th at 8 p.m. Live only on pay-per-view. Call your local cable or satelite operator to order now!
FADE TO BLACK
-
Back outside, where Dan Black and SpiderPoet are nose to nose, eyes blazing...
POET
Same old same old, eh Dan? Bullying Jim Ross when everyone knows the real object of your anger is ME.
BLACK
You flatter yourself, Petey. I don't feel anger towards you. Just disappointment that my nice new title got hijacked by a low life like you. This new title was supposed to be for the most exciting OAOAST athletes! Those who could put on heart pounding, blood letting matches! Hence, Adrenalin Title! With you holding it, it may as well be the Comatose with Boredom Title.
POET
Anglemania II, Stairway to Oblivion, that was boring to you? Double Tables match, you snored your way through that? Face it Dan, this title is with the PERFECT man for excitement.
BLACK
In a way, you're right. Because this sunday, there'll be plenty of excitement. Unfortunately for you, you'll only be causing it by the fans wondering just how much blood one man can lose in a match. You and I go back away, and I've seen you at your best and your worst. I know how to beat you, and you will NOT walk away with MY title.
POET
You know, I almost respect you, Dan. Almost, for all your achievements before you turned into this bitter, twisted man I see today. So, I would almost say you had a chance at BBB....almost. See you in the cage.
Dan snorts, turns and walks away. Poet helps up Jesse and JR.
JR
Thankyou, SpiderPoet...I hope you kick his ass! We're almost out of time on this special edition of IntenseZone, thanks to Poet I've avoided getting my ass kicked, that's a pretty great christmas present! To all of you out there, a very merry christmas! Hey- there's something going on over there!
-
Ok, its all in the show, just waiting for the last segment. I'm afraid your segments aren't as spaced out as you wanted- theres not enough other stuff to put between them!
-
::We return to the Lightning Crew dressing room once again as Colombian Heat and Mr. Boricua’s singing and rapping continues. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is barely awake. Vitamin X is still knocked out. Thomas Rodriguez is staring at the wall. Cuban Wall continues cracking his knuckles and threatening bodily harm on Colombian Heat. “One punch is all it takes. One punch. I can knock him out easily.” Puerto Rican Lightning continues to hit his head with the book, getting more and more angry by the minute. Colombian Heat continues to rap while Mr. Boricua plays the kazoo.
Boricua dances some as does Heat.::
Colombian Heat (Singing Badly):
H to the Izz-O
V to the Izz-A
Dkdjfkdjfkd;dl;dfkdlfkd;lk;dfk;lk;ldk;ldkf;dkf;dfk;d
H to the Izz-O
V to the Izz-A
That’s the anthem
Get your damn hands up
H to the Izz-O
V to the Izz-A
Fdolfdfldfldf;ldjdfl;dkl;dk;dk;dfk;ldk;fdk;kf;dkdkdsk
H to the Izz-O
V to the Izz-A
That’s the anthem
Get your damn hands up!
That was “H to the Izz-O” by Jay-Z. Thank you all.
Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:
Can we go now?
Colombian Heat:
This next song is dedicated to the very man who brought me here today. That’s right, ya’ll. This song is dedicated to the greatest OaOasT North American Champion who ever lived. The greatest Puerto Rican Champion who ever lived. The most electrifying man in professional wrestling! The one. The only. The P.R. Menace. Puerto Rican Lightning!
::The crowd boos. PRL looks shy and smiles.::
PRL:
Aw, thanks, man. I really appreciate it. But you don’t have to do this.
Colombian Heat:
Now Come on!
PRL:
No REALLY. You DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS!
Colombian Heat:
You’ve done everything for me man. You’re my best friend in the whole wide world.
JR:
Why doesn’t Heat see through PRL like we all do?
PRL:
Ugh.
Colombian Heat:
Ready Boricua. And a 1 and a 2 and a….
::Mr. Boricua plays on the kazoo “Know Your Role 2K3 (Hollywood Version)”. PRL has a look of disgust on his face as he Colombian Heat begins singing, badly.::
Colombian Heat (to the tune of “Know Your Role 2K3 (Hollywood Version)”:
PRL
Puerto Rican Lightning
Rules
He rules the school
PRL
Puerto Rican Lightning
Is the best
The best in the whole world
PRL
Puerto Rican Lightning
Is Great
He is awesome
PRL
Puerto Rican Lightning
Is the greatest wrestler of all time!
Yes
PRL
Puerto Rican Lightning
There is no one else
Better than him
PRL
Puerto Rican Lightning
Is the most electrifying
PRL
Puerto Rican Lightning
Has the greatest moves ever invented
Like the Puerto Rico Elbow
The P.R. Nightmare
And the FU Elbow Drop!
PRL!
PRL!
PRL!
PRL!
PRL!
PRL!
PRL!
PRL!
PRL!
::Finally, with the crowd laughing, Puerto Rican Lightning stands up from the sofa and starts shoving Mr. Boricua and Colombian Heat out of the room.::
Puerto Rican Lightning:
Alright that does it! Heat! Boricua! Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out of here! You two, OUT! GET OUT NOW!
Colombian Heat (worried):
What? What? What’s going on? Come on, man. I thought you like it. Relax man, you don’t like it. It’s okay. I’ll just play the Lightning Crew theme song. Hit it Boricua!
::Mr. Boricua begins to play the opening for “No Chance In Hell” by Lloyd & Boyd. The crowd laughs at the kazoo playing Boricua. PRL has a look of disgust on his face. Colombian Heat starts jumping up and down as he begins rapping.::
Colombian Heat:
No Chance
That’s what ya got.
Mr. Boricua:
Ha, ha, ha, Yeah.
Colombian Heat:
We’re up against no machine too strong.
Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…
Mr. Boricua:
PUPPETS!
Colombian Heat:
PUPPETS!
But will
Find their place
In line
But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz
Cuz it’s just a matter of time
Cuz you’ve got
NO CHANCE!
Mr. Boricua:
You got no chance.
Colombian Heat:
No Chance In Hell!
You’ve got no chance!
No Chance In Hell!
You’ve got no chance!
Mr. Boricua:
Got no chance.
Colombian Heat:
No Chance In Hell!
You’ve got
No Chance!
No Chance In Hell!
Come on, Come on
Come and get it!
Come on!
Puerto Rican Lightning:
THAT DOES IT!!! YOU HAVE SUNG 489 SONGS IN 44,000 HOURS!!! I’VE HAD ALL I CAN TAKE! GET OUT AND GET OUT NOW!!!
Colombian Heat:
Okay. Okay. Geez, way to be a party pooper, P.R.
PRL shoves Mr. Boricua and Colombian Heat out of the door. Mr. Boricua stands up to PRL and grunts. He refuses to leave. Colombian Heat pats Boricua on the back.
Heat:
Let’s go Boricua. Apparently, PRL is in a bad mood today for some reason. Could it have to do with someone whose name rhymes with RAPPA?
Puerto Rican Lightning:
OUT!!! OUT!!!! O-U-T!!!! OUT!!! OUT!!! OUT!!!!!!!
::The crowd laughs then boos. Colombian Heat and Mr. Boricua leave the dressing room as PRL slams the door. PRL grunts and hugs Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez.::
Cuban Wall:
You did the right thing P.R.! AND STAY OUT, HEAT!
::The rest of the Lightning Crew are knocked out. “P.R. SUCKS!” chants begin again. Suddenly, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez’s cell phone starts ringing.::
Puerto Rican Lightning:
The nerve of some people.
Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez (on the cell phone):
Hello? Yeah…Really? That’s great! Excellent. It’s here now! In the parking lot? Okay. Leave it right there. I’m going to the parking lot right now. Yes, he is here with me. Okay. Thank you so much. Bye.
Cuban Wall:
It’s here?
Lindsay:
Yup.
::Lindsay Hangs up the phone::
Lindsay:
P.R., you will NOT believe what we have waiting for you in the parking lot!
PRL:
Is it a way to not fight The Mad Cappa this Sunday?
Lindsay:
No. But it’s the next best thing. Trust me. You will like it. The Lightning Crew all put money together to buy you a great Christmas gift. You will thank us once you see it.
PRL:
What in the world are you talking about?
Wall:
Just come with us. It will all make sense in the end. Come on let’s go. Trust me, you will LOVE what we got you.
PRL:
What about Thom and X?
Lindsay:
They’ll be okay.
::Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez grabs Puerto Rican Lightning by his right hand and leads him out the door with Cuban Wall following suit. The door shuts with Vitamin X still unconscious and Thomas Rodriguez sleeping on one of the sofas. The crowd is left in awe wondering what will happen next.::
COMMERCIALS
-
We come back to JR and Dan Black...
BLACK
You may think this little game was a joke on you, JR, but its so much more than that. Its another message to everyone on IntenseZone- everyone in the OAOAST- that I AM THE MAN, and will NOT CROSS ME!
JR
Keep your blusterings for the cameras, Dan, it don't impress me much!
BLACK
Save the Twain impression, you fat bag of lard. 2004 is going to be a BLACK year, I can feel it. The Rumble, Zero Hour, ANGLEMANIA THREE! Each of these events will bear my mark.
JR
I don't think so Black. Things are going to change around here- and the first step will be- SPIDERPOET!
BLACK
He's nothing! At BBB I will-
JR
Actually, I meant that he's behind you!
BLACK
Aww....crap...
:: Dan turns slowly, as we cut again...::
-
::To The Lightning Crew dressing room, does the camera go to. Everything is the same as it was when we last left off, with the Lightning Crew all sitting on their sofas watching, in boredom, Colombian Heat sing and rap while Mr. Boricua plays a kazoo. Puerto Rican Lightning tries to control his temper while Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez falls asleep. Cuban Wall continues to contemplate hitting Colombian Heat while Vitamin X tries to get himself drunk with a bottle of champagne to try and get though the singing. Thomas Rodriguez pulls his hair out.::
Colombian Heat:
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
One thing
I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how I tried
So Hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was apart of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so far
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end
I’ve kept everything inside
And even though I tried
It all fell apart
What is meant to be will eventually
Be a memory
Of the time I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I put my trust
In you
Push as fall as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should knoowwwwwwwww
I put my trust
In you
Push as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should knoooooowwwww
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
Take it Mr. Boricua!
::Mr. Boricua finishes “In The End” by Linkin Park on the kazoo. Heat and Boricua bow to the Lightning Crew, who half-heartily clap. Vitamin X is drunk and knocked out. Thomas Rodriguez is hitting himself with a book. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is trying her hardest to stay awake. Puerto Rican Lightning continues putting on his fake smile.::
Puerto Rican Lightning:
Well, that’s the 12th song in a roll you did, Heat. Can we PLEASE take a break from the singing and do something else?
Colombian Heat:
Hell no! We are just getting the party started!
PRL:
OH GOD!
JR:
I don’t blame him. Did I just agree with PRL?
Cuban Wall:
I swear just one punch. ONE PUNCH. That’s all it will take to knock out Colombian Heat. JUST ONE! COME ON PRL! You know you want it to happen! Give me a shot! I’ll lay one on him so fast, he will never speak again!
PRL (Tired and frustrated):
NO Wall. Don’t do it. Colombian Heat is a member of the Lightning Crew just like you and me. Let him do what he wants, even if it is painful, stressful, and just plain horrible.
Colombian Heat:
Now this next song is another personal favorite of PRL and myself. It’s a little something-something made by a band called Rage Against The Machine that is also the theme song of IntenseZone. That’s right. It’s PRL’s favorite RATM song, “Guerilla Radio!”
::Mr. Boricua plays the intro for “Guerilla Radio”.::
Colombian Heat:
Lights Out!
Guerilla Radio!
Turn that (BLEEP) up!
Lights out!
Guerilla Radio!
Turn that (BLEEP) up!
Lights out!
Guerilla Radio!
Turn that (BLEEP) up!
Lights out!
Guerilla Radio!
Turn that (BLEEP) up!
Transmission!
Third World War, third round.
A decade of destruction
Sound above ground
Ain’t no shelter if you’re looking for shade
I lick shots in the brutal charade
Puerto Rican Lightning:
Hey Thomas, hand me that book.
::Thomas gives Puerto Rican Lightning the book he was using and uses it on himself. He slaps the book repeatly across his head wondering why he ever allowed Heat to sing in the first place. He gets more and more angry as the song continues to be butchered by Heat. Cuban Wall whispers to himself “Just one punch. Just one freaking punch. That’s all it’ll take.” With a psychotic look on his face. He grunts at PRL who doesn’t notice, since he continues to hit the book over his head. He utters to himself “Kill me. Kill me now.” And “WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?” The segment ends with PRL continuing to hit the book over his head, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez falling asleep, Vitamin X and Thomas Rodriguez both conked out, and Colombian Heat rapping “Guerilla Radio” by Rage Against The Machine while Mr. Boricua plays the song on the kazoo.::
COMMERCIALS
-
[We fade in to SPIDERPOET~! standing backstage with . . . SPECIAL CELEBRITY INTERVIEWER: BRUCE CAMPBELL!]
CAMPBELL
Bruce Campbell here with none other than Adrenaline Champion, SPIDERPOET! Now, Poet, nobody expected you to show up at the Adrenaline Tournament, let alone win the thing. And I’m sure you didn’t expect Dan Black to pull the stunts he’s pulled. But now, as we’re heading right into Bloody, Battered, and Beaten this Sunday, the question begs: are you ready?
SP
Good to see you, Bruce. You’re lookin’ good.
BC
. . . thanks.
SP
I mean, I remember when we closed the deal for you to work as a celebrity interviewer a few weeks ago up at the OAOAST Offices complex. Bet you never thought you’d wind up interviewing me, eh?
BC
[chuckles] That’s true.
SP
Come on, Bruce. Say it for me. Just once.
BC
[instantly annoyed] Oh, come on.
SP
Come on. Say it.
BC
I hate you. Know that.
SP
Campbell . . .
BC
[sigh] Fine. . . . “Groovy.”
SP
YES! That’s awesome. Thank you.
BC
Yeah, yeah. Just finish the damn interview. I want my check and a stiff drink.
SP
Aight, yo. Dan Black. Spider Poet. Bloody, Battered, and Beaten. I think that sums it up. Dan Black thinks he’s in charge, thinks he can run the show all on his own and do whatever he likes. He wants to control everything and thusly choke the life out of the OAOAST, bit by bit. Well, Dan didn’t count on the office actually paying attention. You see, Dan, we’ve been watching. We’ve been waiting. And finally, I had enough. I knew you’d want your fingers in the adrenaline pie, I knew you’d want to have no wild cards. And I also knew that I had to do something. That I had to at least TRY to stop you.
And I did.
Deal with it.
And this Sunday, if you want to take it up to the next level, I’ll be at the top waiting to meet you. You’ll get every ounce of sweat, every drop of blood. And no matter who walks away with the belt this Sunday, this battle doesn’t end there. This battle is for the very fabric of the OAOAST’S EXISTENCE. And I’ll be here, watching, waiting, and fighting. No more talk. No more games, Danny. This Sunday, the beginning of your end begins.
(SP looks at Campbell, nods, and leaves, leaving a wave of Intensity so strong in his wake that, as we fade out, not even Bruce Campbell has a snappy comeback.)
-
I've had 3 so far. Theres 3 more?
-
::Once again, the Lightning Crew dressing room is shown. More booing from the crowd and more “P.R. SUCKS!” chants. There is wrapping paper all over the room and beer cups on the floor. The Christmas tree lights are fading out and the decorations are falling off the wall. The Lightning Crew’s presents are stacked all together on one corner of the room. Glitter and streamers are all over the room. The music has stopped, and that is because, thanks to a close-up of a broken stereo with CDs lying all over the floor, the stereo is broken. Colombian Heat is standing up with a worry look on his face. The rest of the Lightning Crew are sitting on sofas staring coldly at Heat.:
Puerto Rican Lightning:
Heat, WHY did you break the stereo?
Colombian Heat:
Sorry! I didn’t know where I was going. I-I-I was jumping up and down happy that I got that poster you got me. I did not see where I was going. I did not know swingin’ your arms around like a helicopter would make my hands hit the stereo and cause it to fall and break. I didn’t know. I’m sorry, P.R. I’m sorry you guys. I promise I’ll pay you back. I promise.
Cuban Wall:
Hey, PRL. Can I NOW punch Colombian Heat?
Puerto Rican Lightning:
No Wall. Colombian Heat may seem like an idiot to most of you, but to me, he is a kind-heated, naive, short, scrawny Colombian who tries his best, and for that we should applaud him.
Colombian Heat:
I can make clothes that glow!
Cuban Wall:
How is THAT any good for the Lightning Crew?! Tell me!
Puerto Rican Lightning:
You don’t understand the bond that Heat and me have. No one does. I’m GLAD to have Heat apart of the Lightning Crew and you should too!
Cuban Wall (whining):
But he is an idiot!
Puerto Rican Lightning:
How do you define “Idiot?” Isn’t that just an adjective? I think George W. Bush is an idiot, but a lot of people see him as a hero. I think Vince McMahon is an idiot but he has a lot of people kissing his ass saying he’s a genius. Plus, Heat is genuinely talented in the ring, and the Lightning Crew only picks the best.
Cuban Wall:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Let’s just kick his ass!
::PRL holds Wall back.::
PRL:
Try to, and you’ll see yourself kicked out of the Lightning Crew!
::Cuban Wall and PRL stare at each other for a few seconds. The crowd buzzes in anticipation for what Cuban will do. Cuban decides to back off and lies back on the sofa. Colombian Heat does several movements urging Wall to fight him behind PRL’s back. Wall stares at PRL and Heat coldly.::
Cuban Wall:
You win this round, Heat.
Colombian Heat:
YES! Score one for the Heatster!
Puerto Rican Lightning:
Now Wall, watch how a NORMAL PERSON deals with this situation. Heat, do you have a way to bring some music into this joint?
Colombian Heat:
Indeed I do, P.R.!
::Colombian Heat pulls out a kazoo from his orange baggy shorts. He dusts it off and smiles. The crowd begins laughing. PRL forces a smile while the rest of the Lightning Crew all gulp in fear hoping Heat isn’t going to do what they think he is going to do.::
Cuban Wall:
Oh my god.
Vitamin X:
Heat, you wouldn’t.
Colombian Heat:
Boss, let me introduce you to a Kazoo! This thing is awesome! It’s one-of-a-kind. All you have to do is blow into it and voila! You are making music. It is so beautiful. I can’t believe something like this exists.
Puerto Rican Lightning:
I see. So, you aren’t actually going to PLAY that thing are you?
Colombian Heat:
Hell no, G. Mr. Boricua is.
::The crowd begins laughing some more as Mr. Boricua stands up tall with the giant red bow still on his suit. He grabs the kazoo and smiles with Heat. The Lightning Crew groan, but PRL forces a faux smile.::
PRL (Under his breath):
Oh God.
Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:
Can’t we do something else?
Cuban Wall:
Can I kick his ass now?
Puerto Rican Lightning:
No! Uh…. Heat. (As much as I hate to say this), show us what you got.
Colombian Heat:
Really?
Puerto Rican Lightning:
Yeah. Knock our socks off. Show us your talent.
Colombian Heat:
All right! What is going to happen, P.R., I’m going to rap and sing YOUR favorite songs, while Mr. Boricua plays on the kazoo. How’s THAT for entertainment?
PRL:
Uh…great. Yeah. Go ahead (Let’s get this pain over with).
Colombian Heat:
Alright! Ready Mr. Boricua?
Mr. Boricua:
Ready. Heat.
Colombian Heat:
Then, let’s get down and boogie! This first tune is one I know your love, PRL. Presenting “Fight The Power” by Public Enemy. Colombian Heat style.
::Colombian Heat begins rapping while Mr. Boricua plays on the kazoo. Heat raps to the tune of the kazoo. The Lightning Crew all groan and look at Heat in pain.::
Colombian Heat:
Fight The Power!
Fight The Power!
Fight The Power!
Fight The Power!
Fight The Power!
Fight The Power!
Fight The Power!
We got to Fight The Powers That Be!
1989, a number.
Another summer.
Mr. Boricua:
Get down!
Colombian Heat:
Sound of the funky drummer.
Music hitting your heart
Cuz I know you got soul!
Mr. Boricua:
Brothers and sisters!
::Colombian Heat continues rapping while Mr. Boricua continues playing the kazoo. The Lightning Crew all sit on the sofas and groan seeing the torture—entertainment take place. Puerto Rican Lightning crosses his arms and tries to sit through the song, but is having trouble doing so. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez looks like she is going to fall asleep. Cuban Wall cracks his knuckles waiting to attack. We leave the Lightning Crew dressing room with Heat still rapping “Fight The Power” by Public Enemy.::
::Cut back to the parking lot with Jim Ross.::
JR:
Well, it looks like the Lightning Crew Christmas Party has taken a turn for the worst. Colombian Heat being the entertainment? I feel pity for the Lightning Crew. Except Puerto Rican Lightning. He deserves no pity. Folks, we will be right back. We will check with the Lightning Crew later on. But now-
JESSE
Are you going to let me pin you, or not?
JR
Well...sure. Let's get this over with. It can be my christmas present to you.
JESSE
That's fine, Jim Ross. I didn't get you anything, by the way.
JR rolls onto his back, and Jesse covers!
ONE!
TWO!
Dan Black breaks it up!
BLACK
What the hell is this? Ventura, you're banned from my show! You can't come in here and win my match!
JESSE
This isn't a match, this is just you torturing Jim Ross for your own amusement!
BLACK
Oh Jesse, you know me so well...now GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!
Jesse squares up to Dan, who shakes his head in pity- before NAILING Jesse with a punch that sends him down to the floor, out cold!
Black holds up his hand, showing STEEL KNUCKS!
BLACK
Poor deluded Jesse. Will you never learn? And now, as for you, Jimmy...
Dan advances on JR...
JR
BAH GAWD! Help! Someone!
We hear Dan's evil chuckles as we cut away...
-
* DING DING DING *
RA
Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheldued for one fall and is the main event for the OaOasT North American Championship! This next match will also decide who will get the final slot in the Intense Five Tournament for #1 Contendership for the OaOasT North American Title!
The crowd cheers.
"Shin-Jingi Naki Tatakai [Kill Bill Teaser]" by Hotei starts up as the lights get turned off and the crowd cheers loudly.*
JR
Here he comes! IntenseZone's #1 Superstar "Shooter" Jay Darring!
Navy blue flashing spotlights are all over the entrance stage as the crowd waits for Jay to appear. Once he does, the crowd pops big as Jay Darring acknowledges the crowd's reaction with his arms raised. Lauren Gellar politely waves to the crowd as Darring begins to make his way to the ring, slapping hands with the fans on the way to the ring. He looks at the ring non-stop with a determined look on his face. Since it is baseball playoffs time, Jay is wearing a Boston Red Sox baseball cap to go along with his leather bomber jacket and Matt Murdoch-style sunglasses. Lauren is dressed in a Boston Red Sox baseball
jersey and blue tight jeans.
RA
Coming to the ring at this time, accompanying by Lauren Gellar. From Boston, Massachutesetts. Weighing in at 173 lbs. "Shooter" JAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY DARRIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGG!
The crowd pops loudly for Jay as he makes his way into the ring with "Shin-Jingi Naki Tatakai" playing on the P.A. system. He raises his fists to the fans applause then kisses Lauren for luck. Jay removes his Red Sox cap, his jacket and glasses and bounces off the ropes awaiting PRL.
JR
Just like the greatest baseball rivarly of all-time maybe the Boston Red Sox vs. the New York Yankees, the greatest IntenseZone rivarly of all-time may be "Shooter" Jay Darring vs. Puerto Rican Lightning. The hatred these two feel for each other is unhealthy. Jay has not and most likely will never forget what the Lightning Crew did to Lauren and Lauren may still be recovering emotionally from the actions of the Lightning Crew. The fact that PRL is proud of what he did to Lauren is sick and disturbing and I, for one, hope that Jay takes the NA Title from PRL tonight!
"Shin-Jingi Naki Tataka [Kill Bill Teaser]" by Hotei dies down as there is silence for a few seconds. The fans get hype up and begin chanting "P.R. Sucks!" and "Shooter Jay!" as they await PRL's arrival.
RA
And his oppoent.....
The crowd begins booing as the AngleTron lights up with a video of San Juan, Puerto Rico.
As the video shows footage of different places of San Juan, an organ is heard playing a sweet, gentle song. The video shows the beautfiul beaches of San Juan. Follow by looks at Olde' San Juan. The organ music continues to play as the crowd becomes hyper waiting for PRL's appearance. The video shifts from San Juan to New York City. The video shows footage of Times Square. Follow by Madison Square Garden and the Statue of Liberty at night. The video then shows a helicopter circling NYC at night follow by a look at the Manhattan skyline. Then Yankee Stadium and the Brooklyn Bridge. The organ music changes by going a high note as an angelic choir joins in. The video shows the Empire State Building and a NYC nightclub before shifting to Miami, Florida. The organ music continues playing as the video shows Miami at night. It shows footage of Miami Beach follow by a birds eye view of Pro Player Stadium. Miami's many night clubs are shown as the organ music nears it's end with the crowd getting more and more excited to see PRL. The video then shows Orlando, Florida, more specifically, Universal Studios: Islands of Adventure. As the organ music ends, the lighthouse at Islands of Adventure is shown with the light from the lighthouse shinning in front of the camera as the word "LIGHTNING" is said in a whisper. A lightning bolt hits the entrance and the crowd pops big time. Smoke and pyro fills the entrance as the AngleTron shows a blue screen with the words "PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING" in big blue blocky letters. "Know Your Role 2K3 (Hollywood Version)" starts up as the AngleTron shows PRL sneering at the camera in a broken down warehouse. The lights go down, as the fans see a silhoutte of someone near the entrance. The crowd pops then boo as they know it is the silhoutte of Puerto Rican Lightning. Puerto Rican Lightning raises his right arm which has the OaOasT North American Title. He then raises his left arm which has the Puerto Rican Championship. He turns around as the lights go back on and the crowd begins booing big time. They begin throwing garbage and chanting "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" as PRL walks to the ring, cocky, and confident as usual. He is holding both his belts on his shoulders and dares the fans to touch his belts. "Know Your Role 2K3 (Hollywood Version)" continues to play as PRL walks to the ring with The Lightning Crew.
RA
Accompanying to the ring by the Lightning Crew. Weighing in at 223lbs. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. He is the OaOasT North American and Puerto Rican Champion, PUERTO RICAN LIGGGGGGHTTTTTTNNNNINNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!
The crowd boos PRL as he continues walking to the ring. He is hesitant at first, but enters the ring with Jay Darring and Lauren exiting. PRL spins around showing his two belts and then does the HBK-pose to a pop while pyro explodes behind him. "Know Your Role 2K3 (Hollywood Version)" continues to play as PRL kisses Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and then grabs his belts and poses on a turnbuckle to boos. He then heads to another turnbuckle and poses then stares at Jay Darring who stares back. They both have angry looks on their faces with PRL sneering at him and Jay responding with a middle finger directed at Lightning.
JR
You can feel the hatred these two men. You can feel the electricity in this building. The tension is so thick, you can cut it with a knife. I am running out of cliches to let you know how these two men feel about each other!
"Know Your Role 2K3 (Hollywood Version)" dies down as the bell rings signfying the start of the match. The crowd is pumped up big time chanting "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!"
*DING DING DING*
JR
Alright fans, here we go! The main event. For the NA Title. The Season Premiere of IntenseZone!
Jay Darring enters the ring and stands in a corner opposite of PRL. The fans are excited as PRL and Jay circle each other in the ring.
JR
These two have alot of history. Jay's first match in the OaOasT was against PRL back in April. Since then, he has exploded as IZ's premiere superstar. A former Tag Team Champion. A former North American Champion. A former Puerto Rican Champion. He has done alot in the 6 months he's been in the OaOasT. They lock up and here we go.
PRL and SJD lock up. They both jockey for position. Jay sends PRL to the corner as the referee demands that they break up the lock up. PRL and Jay stare at each other and lock up again. This time, they go to another turnbuckle and the ref breaks it up. PRL pokes Jay in the eyes to boos and punches Darring several times. Lightning hits the ropes but Jay leapfrogs over PRL to cheers. PRL hits the ropes again and Jay reverse leapfrogs over Jay. PRL is shock, so Jay hits him with a spinning heel kick.
JR
Jay hitting PRL with his own medicine. First the leapfrogs then the spinning heel kick.
Jay Darring picks up PRL and bodyslams him then heads to the top rope and comes down with a second rope tumbleweed. He goes for a cover but PRL kicks out at the count of one.
JR
Jay Darring going for the pin early in the match.
Jay chops PRL several times to "WOOOOS!" from the crowd then grabs PRL and whips PRL to the turnbuckle. PRL hits the turnbuckle but turns it into a Flair Flip onto the ring apron. The crowd boos as PRL laughs and points to his head to let the fans know how smart he is. Jay Darring comes back by running to the ropes and bumping into PRL sending him into the floor to the roars of the crowd.
JR
Incredible move by Jay! Taking advantage of PRL's mistake!
The crowd cheers as Vitamin X and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez help PRL help. Jay heads to the ropes once again to go for the Reckless Endangerment, but Mr. Boricua grabs Darring's legs from behind and trips him onto the mat to boos.
JR
Mr. Boricua helping The Lightning Crew take over this match. PRL is back in the ring. Shining Wizard by PRL! PRL now hooking an Fujiwara Arm-Bar on Jay Darring.
Puerto Rican Lightning puts "Shooter" Jay Darring in a Fujiwara Arm-Bar as the crowd boos and chants "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" but PRL tells them to shut up. The referee checks on Jay who refuses to quit. PRL lets go of the arm-bar and drops several close-fists on Jay on the mat. PRL then runs to the ropes and goes for a Lionsault which hits Jay's back. PRL goes for the cover.
1....2....Kick out!
JR
Jay Darring is still in the match. PRL now choking Darring with his bandana. PRL picking up Jay and hitting him with several European Uppercuts. Jay comes back!
PRL striking back! Now Jay!
Lightning hits the ropes, but Jay drop toe holds PRL into a submission. PRL gets up but Jay gives Lightning an arm-drag. PRL gets up again, so Jay gives him another arm-drag. PRL gets up again so Jay dropkicks him. PRL gets up again so Jay whips PRL to the ropes and gives Puerto Rican Lightning a stiff superkick. He goes for a cover.
1....2....Kick out!
JR
Jay Darring now has control of this match. A Saito Suplex. Darring hits a Double-Armed DDT. Cover. 1.2. And PRL kicks out!
Jay whips PRL to the ropes but PRL leapfrogs over Jay. He does another reverse leapfrog but Jay comes back with a leg lariat. The crowd cheers as Darring gets up and begins jumping up and down for the adrenaline rush. He heads to the top rope and hits Puerto Rican Lightning with a missle dropkick. He then picks PRL and gives him a Roaring Elbow which makes PRL somersault onto the mat. Jay rests on the ropes for a second as the crowd is hyped up. He hits PRL with a Shining Black and goes for the cover.
1...2....Kick out!
"Shooter" Jay Darring and hits a floating Neckbreaker on PRL. He goes for another cover.
1...2.....Kick out!
He goes for the cover again.
1...2...Kick out.
One more cover.
1...2....Kick out.
One more.
1...2....Kick out.
JR
Jay is doing whatever it takes to win the North American Title back. He is trying to ground the
high-flying PRL.
Darring picks up PRL and goes for the Foreshadow, but PRL escapes and shoves Jay into the ropes. PRL grabs Jay's tights and goes for a roll up that gets two. PRL goes for a headlock, but Jay escapes. Puerto Rican Lightning dropkicks Darring to the mat and goes for a cover that gets a one count. PRL then whips Darring to the ropes and hits Spinning Wheel Kick. He then heads to the top rope and does a split-legged moonsault on Jay for a two count.
He heads to the top rope and waits for Jay to get up. When Jay does, P.R. Lightning goes for a Crossbody but Jay grabs PRL and bodyslams him onto the mat to a huge pop. SJD goes for another cover but PRL kicks out at the count of 2.
JR
PRL kicking out at the count of 2. Lightning now being manhandled by Shooter Jay.
Shooter Jay Irish Whips P.R. but P.R. reverses and gives Jay a DDT. He is too tired to cover him, however. He goes for the cover, but gets a 2 count.
JR
Samoan Drop on Jay Darring. Lightning now starting to feel a comeback.
Puerto Rican Lightning punches Shooter Jay several times then Irish Whips him into a turnbuckle. Jay hits the turnbuckle chest first, and PRL finishes with a clothesline. Lightning lays in several boots on Jay then picks him up and gives him a Russian Leg Sweep. He then holds on to give Jay another Russian Legsweep. Then another and another. Puerto Rican Lightning heads to the top rope once again and hits Shooter Jay with The Mad Cappa Crusher 2003 (Top Rope Legdrop). Lightning goes for the cover.
1.....
2.....
Thr--NO! Shooter Jay kicks out.
JR
Puerto Rican Lightning continuing his assault on Jay Darring. Tilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker into a Surfboard Stretch.
Puerto Rican Lightning holds Jay Darring in a Surfboard Stretch. Jay screams in pain as the crowd claps their hands in unison and chants "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" PRL tells the crowd to shut up.
JR
The crowd letting PRL know how they feel about him. But PRL ignoring it.
Puerto Rican Lightning continues the Surfboard Stretch on Jay despite Jay poking PRL's eyes. PRL stands up but holds on to Jay's neck. He goes for the Lightning Strike, but Jay shoves PRL into the ropes. He goes for a clothesline, but PRL ducks and dropkicks Jays' knees sending him to the mat.
Puerto Rican Lightning grabs Shooter Jay and brings him to the second rope and chokes him with it. Jay's head is still rested on the second rope causing the crowd to stand up and pop. PRL looks at Jay and smiles evily. He yells out "7-8-7!" then runs to the ropes and hits "Shooter" Jay Darring with the 7-8-7 (6-1-9).
JR
PRL with the 7-8-7 on Darring. He seems intent on finishing Jay once and for all.
Puerto Rican Lightning heads to the outside, he jumps on the top rope and goes for a hurricarana, but Jay holds on and powerbombs PRL. He goes for a pin.
1...
2....
PRL kicks out!
JR
Jay also seems obsess with finishing PRL. Remember, Jay hates PRL and will forever hate PRL for what he did to Lauren Gellar. He hates PRL for what he's done to one of his close friends, The Mad Cappa. And he hates PRL because PRL is a cocky, overconfident, ego-maniac who does not deserve to be North American Champion! Jay is now stomping a mudhole in PRL.
SJD picks P.R. up and chops him several times. He whips him into the ropes, but PRL reverses and gives him The Cappa Killer (Stone Cold Stunner).
JR
CAPPA KILLER! CAPPA KILLER! PRL HITS JAY DARRING WITH A CAPPA KILLER!
1.....
2.......
Kick out!
The crowd cheers and begin chanting "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" PRL yells at the crowd. PRL picks up SJD and try the Lightning Strike once again, but SJD escapes and goes for the Reverse Tornado DDT. However, PRL reverses that and hits the Lightning Strike on SJD (Diamond Cutter). PR Lightning goes for the cover.
1....
2....
Kick out!
The crowd cheers and continue chanting "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" PRL yells at the crowd. When that doesn't work, he covers his ears to drown out the noise. When that doesn't work, he heads to the outside to be comforted by The Lightning Crew. This gives Shooter Jay enough time to run to the ropes and hit The Lightning Crew with the Reckless Endangerment onto the outside to the roars of the crowd.
JR
BAWD GAWD~!!!! OH MY!!! "SHOOTER" JAY DARRING HAS STRUCK WITH THE RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT ON THE LIGHTNING CREW!!! HE IS BACK IN THIS MATCH!!!
The crowd pops and begins chanting "Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit!" The Lightning Crew members are down on the floor. Jay struggles to get up and once he does, he grabs Puerto Rican and whips him into the ringpost. He grabs Lightning again and whips him into the stairs. Lightning is in pain as SJD grabs PRL and sends him over the barricade and into the crowd.
JR
This match has kicked up a notch as PRL and Shooter Jay are now brawling in the crowd. This match is indeed a slobberknocker!
Puerto Rican Lightning tries to escape "Shooter" Jay Darring's attack, but is unsucessful. They brawl throughout the crowd and then back to ringside where Jay gives PRL a Spinebuster onto a bunch of chairs. He grabs Lightning's right leg, but Lightning kicks Jay in the face.
JR
Shooter Jay now recovering, he backdrops PRL over the barricade!
Puerto Rican Lightning grabs the ringbell and smashes it over Jay's head. He grabs Jay and throws him over the barricade and begins punching him. He then knees him in the face and smashes him in the table where the ring bell was located.
P.R. grabs "Shooter" Jay Darring and catapults him into the ringpost. PRL kicks Jay's right arm several times then does a cross-arm breaker on Jay's right arm. PRL heads back into the ring and waits for Jay to get up. When he does, PRL hits Jay with a double-axehandle off the top rope to the floor. Both men are down as the rest of the Lightning Crew start to get up. Puerto Rican, slowly, picks up Darring and throws him back into the ring. PRL kicks Jay in the stomach several times then heads to the outside. He waits for Jay to get up, when he does, PRL jumps on the rope and gives SJD a hurricarna pin (West Coast Pop). Cover for 2. Lightning grabs Jay and whips him into the turnbuckle and comes back with the Stinger Splash. SJD lands on the mat, back first, so PRL sees the perfect oppturnity to head to the top rope. He removes his left elbow pad and throws it to the crowd. He does the "UP YOURS!" sign then heads off the top rope with the F.U. Elbow Drop which connects. He goes for the cover.
1....
2....
Kick out!
JR
Puerto Rican Lightning has used every move in his arsenal to win this match and keep Jay Darring down. He has so far been unable to get the pinfall on the man, but will not quit. Sleeperhold on Shooter Jay! The sleeperhold is locked on Darring!
PRL locks in the Sleeperhold on Jay Darring. Shooter Jay is down on one knee. He is down on the mat with the Sleeperhold still locked on.
The crowd is getting hyped and clapping their hands in unison once again. They chant "Shooter Jay! Shooter Jay! Shooter Jay! Shooter Jay! Shooter Jay!" and "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" PRL tells the fans to shut up. The referee goes to check on Jay. He raises Jay's right arm and it drops. He raises it again and it drops again.
JR
If Jay's arm drops a third time this match is over and PRL retains. Did it drop? NO!
Jay is still in this match. He escapes the Sleeperhold and hits a German Suplex! And another German Suplex! And another! And another! He holds on! 1! 2! Thre--NO!!! PRL kicks out at the count of 2!
Jay grabs PRL and hits the Foreshadow on him. Cover. 2 Count. He grabs PRL again and hits the reverse Tornado DDT on him. He heads to the top rope and comes down with the diving headbutt. He goes for another cover.
1....
2....
Kick out!
Jay struggles to get up. He grabs PRL but PRL hits Jay in the stomach and gives him a jawbreaker. He struggles to get up, but once he does, he heads to the outside and hits Jay with the San Juan Jam (450 Splash). He goes for a cover that gets two. PRL grabs Jay and hits him in the stomach several times.
JR
PRL with a Spingboard Armdrag on Jay. He grabs Darring's right arm and brings him down by pulling on it several times. He grabs Darring and applies an wristlock on him. PRL now with what he calls the Che Guevera Special, that's the Gory Special incase you're wondering. PRL hurting Shooter Jay with the Che Guevera Special.
Puerto Rican changes the Che Guevera Special into the "Free Puerto Rico NOW!" Slam (Gory Bomb). He then gets up and hits the Asai Moonsault onto Jay for two. He picks up Jay and whips him into the ropes, but as PRL bends down, Jay kicks him in the head and applies the Dragon Sleeper on PRL to the roar of the crowd.
JR
DRAGON SLEEPER! DRAGON SLEEPER! DRAGON SLEEPER ON PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING! IS THIS IT? IS THIS THE END? CAN JAY DO IT? CAN HE WIN THIS MATCH AND THE NORTH AMERICAN TITLE AND THE CHANCE TO BECOME OAOAST WORLD CHAMPION!
The referee goes to check on PRL who is still in the Dragon Sleeper. PRL tries to escape but is unable to so he kicks the referee in the face knocking him out. The fans boo as SJD lets go of the Dragon Sleeper to check on the referee.
JR
That damn PRL! Cheating to retain the title. How disgusting.
The referee is still knocked out so Jay goes to PRL. But when he does, PRL gets up and delievers the Latin Slam to SJD.
JR
LATIN SLAM! LATIN SLAM! LATIN SLAM ON SHOOTER JAY! LATIN SLAM ON SHOOTER JAY!
Both men are on the mat. Tired and in pain. Jay tries to get up, but is unable to. PRL gets up instead and stands over Shooter Jay, tired and in pain. He relizes that Jay is lying in the middle of the ring. The crowd knows exactly what Puerto Rican is thinking as they stand up and begin to cheer. PRL gets in position to deliever the Puerto Rico Elbow. He removes his right elbow pad and spits on it. Then throws it onto Jay's face. He does some weird hand signals and bounces off the ropes. He then delievers the Puerto Rico Elbow to the roars of the crowd.
JR
PUERTO RICO ELBOW ON DARRING. IT LOOKS LIKE THIS MAYBE THE END OF THE MATCH, BUT THE REFEREE IS KNOCKED OUT!
Puerto Rican covers Jay, but then remembers that the referee is knocked out. He still covers as the referee struggles to get up. He is able to make a 2 count. The crowd cheers as PRL thinks something over.
JR
Shooter Jay is still in this match! He must be thinking "BAWD GAWD~! What do I have to do in order to win this match?"
PRL picks up Jay as the crowd continues chanting "Shooter Jay! Shooter Jay! Shooter Jay! Shooter Jay!" PRL goes for a suplex, but Jay holds on and goes for a suplex of his own, but PRL reverses that and goes for a German Suplex, but Jay reverses THAT and shoves PRL into the ropes. PRL comes back with the flying forearm. The crowd boos as they know it signals PRL's finish.
JR
Oh no. Oh no. PRL is looking to end this match. He's setting up Jay Darring for the P.R. Nightmare. Oh no. He hits another Flying Forearm.
Puerto Rican Lightning waits for Jay to get up and hits another Flying Forearm. He picks SJD up and hits the Flying Forearm. He then kips up to boos. He jumps up and down in the ring then heads to a turnbuckle and begins stomping his right foot a'la Shawn Michaels. The crowd boos.
JR
PRL going for the Sweet Chin Music. Is it possible. Can this be the ending?
PRL continues stomping his foot preparing for the Sweet Chin Music. SJD gets up and PRL goes for the Sweet Chin Music. It connects and Jay goes down hard.
JR
SWEET CHIN MUSIC! THE SWEET CHIN MUSIC CONNECTS! IT'S ALL OVER! PRL now setting up Jay. P.R. Nightmare! NO! Saito Suplex on Puerto Rican Lightning! Now Jay has kipped up!
The crowd gets excited as Jay jumps up and down. He rips his shirt off and prepares to attack Puerto Rican Lightning. He grabs PRL and gives him a Belly-To-Belly Suplex. He grabs Puerto Rican Lightning again and gives him a Double-Armed DDT. Jay then heads to the top rope and hits a elbowdrop off the top rope. He grabs PRL again and hits the Foreshadow. He then does the Colt Cabana sign to a huge pop.
JR
THERE IT IS! THAT'S THE SYMBOL FOR THE AFTERTHOUGHT! JAY LOOKS LIKE HE IS NOW READY TO FINISH OFF PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING AND WIN THE NORTH AMERICAN TITLE AND THE FINAL SLOT IN THE INTENSE FIVE TOURNAMENT!!!!
"Shooter" Jay Darring grabs Puerto Rican Lightning and hits the Harsh Reality.
JR
HARSH REALITY! THE HARSH REALITY! IT'S OVER!
Jay goes for the cover.
1...
2....
Mr. Boricua pulls the referee out from the ring, and knocks him out with one single punch.
JR
NO! Damnit! Damn him to Hell! That son-of-a-bitch, Mr. Boricua has pulled the referee out of this match.
Jay sees Mr. Boricua and heads to the outside where he starts brawling with him. He finishes by giving him the Harsh Reality on the floor. Jay heads back into the ring where PRL is ready to attack. He goes for the clothesline, but Jay reverses and applies the Afterthought on PRL.
JR
AFTERTHOUGHT! JAY HAS THE AFTERTHOUGHT HOOKED ON PRL! AND HE TAPS! PRL HAS TAPPED TO THE AFTERTHOUGHT! BUT THERE IS NO REFEREE! THE REFEREE HAS BEEN KNOCKED OUT BY MR. BORICUA WHO HAS ALSO BEEN KNOCKED OUT BY "SHOOTER" JAY DARRING!!! WE NEED ANOTHER REFEREE IN HERE QUICK! CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SEND IN ANOTHER REFEREEE!!!
As Jay has the Afterthought locked on PRL, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez stands on top of the ring apron. She whistles and has Jay's attention.
JR
What is this jezeabel doing in this match? Why is she even out here?
Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez whispers something in SJD's ear. He apparently likes what he heards. Lindsay then begins unbuttoning her New York Yankees baseball jersey to cheers from the crowd. She takes off her Yankees jersey and is left in her pink bra. The crowd is cheering loudly as Jay can't help but stare at Lindsay's big breasts.
JR
Since Jesse Ventura isn't here, I'll say what he would have said. "Pink! They're pink! Jim Ross! I love pink!"
Lindsay then takes off her belt and takes off her pants. She turns around and shows her pink thong to Jay who seems to be distracted by Lindsay. That all ends, when Lauren Gellar runs over to Lindsay and pulls her off the ring apron. Lindsay's face hits the ring apron. Lauren and Lindsay get into a catfight which makes the crowd pop huge also. The two hot girls continue their catfight outside the ring, while inside the ring, Vitamin X tries to use the Lightning Crew stun taser on Jay Darring. Jay is able to see Vitamin X and is able to duck when X tries to use the stun taser on Jay. Jay kicks X in the gut making the stun taser fall from his hands. Jay then gives Vitamin X the Harsh Reality to a huge pop. Vitamin X exits the ring as PRL gets up and grabs the OaOasT North American Title belt.
JR
A HARSH REALITY FOR VITAMIN X! BUT WAIT A MINUTE! PRL HAS THE NORTH AMERICAN TITLE! HE'S PREPARING TO HIT JAY WITH THE BELT! JAY TURN AROUND! TURN AROUND DAMNIT! TURN AROUND!
Puerto Rican Lightning tries to hit "Shooter" Jay Darring with the OaOasT North American Title belt. SJD ducks and kicks Puerto Rican in the gut and does the KT Driller on PRL to another huge pop. PRL is down and out after having Shooter Jay's three finishing moves put on him. Meanwhile, outside the ring, the catfight has ended as Lauren Gellar has knocked out Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. The referee is still unconscious on the outside. Mr. Boricua is struggling to get up as is Vitamin X. Shooter Jay covers PRL and is demanding that a referee come to the ring while the crowd is going absolutely insane.
JR
VITAMIN X IS OUT! MR. BORICUA IS OUT! MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ IS OUT! PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING IS OUT! THERE IS NOT ONE LIGHTNING CREW MEMBER THAT CAN HELP PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING NOW! ALL WE NEED IS A REFEREE TO COUNT JAY THE WINNER! WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE SEND A REFEREE?
Suddenly, from the entrance, runs in an OaOasT referee. He is a small man with curly black hair and blue eyes. He runs into the ring and begins to count.
1.....
2.......
He is about to count three.....but stops. The crowd is shocked and so is Jay.
JR
What? What? Wha-What's going on? What is happening? Why didn't that referee count three? Why? Why is he doing this? What the hell is going on?!!!
The referee smiles an evil smile.....and gives Shooter Jay two middle fingers. He saids "Fuck You." and pulls his referee shirt off to reveal a Lightning Crew t-shirt underneath. He stands up and continues flipping Jay the middle finger as the crowd boos loudly.
JR
Oh no! Oh no! Oh BAWD GAWD no! Tell me this is not true! Please tell me this is a joke! Is that OaOasT referee a Lightning Crew member?! Is that possible? Has PRL bribed a referee to join the Lightning Crew? Tell me that isn't true! That referee has sold his soul to the devil himself!
Jay is furious. He stands up causing the referee's smile to fade. The referee tries to escape, but is cornered in a turnbuckle, where Jay proceeds to trash talk him. The referee tries to leave the ring, but is stopped by Jay and punched in the face to a loud pop. The referee leaves the ring in pain as Jay looks on.
JR
Yeah! You do that Jay! Teach that ref a lesson! Give him what he deserves! Give that son of a bitch what he deserves!
Suddenly, from the crowd comes another mysterious stranger. He is a young man in his early 20s. He has tanned skin and a light brown hair crew cut. He has brown eyes and is wearing a Colombian flag bandana. He is also wearing a gold chain and a Lightning Crew basketball jersey with "Heat 2" written on the back. He is wearing orange basketball shorts and white reebok sneakers. He exits the crowd and grabs the Lightning Crew stun taser. The mysterious man who is wearing sunglasses enters the ring and stands behind "Shooter" Jay Darring.
JR
Wha-? What the? Who is this man? What the hell is he doing here? Where's security? Or has PRL paid them off too? What is he doing? OH MY! BAWD GAWD~!
The mysterious man uses the stun taser on Shooter Jay's back just as he was about to give Puerto Rican Lightning the Harsh Reality. The crowd boos as the mysterious man jaws with the fans and gives them a gang sign. The young man grabs Shooter Jay and gives him the Vertibreaker which causes the crowd to pop.
JR
VERTIBREAKER ON JAY DARRING? I still don't understand. Who is this man? What is his relationship to Puerto Rican Lightning? Why is he helping him? Will someone explain to me what the hell is going on?
The mysterious man grabs PRL and puts him on top of Jay Darring for the cover. The crowd boos the mystery man as he jaws with them by grabbing his nuts and flipping them the middle finger. He heads to the outside and throws the referee for the match back into the ring. The Lightning Crew referee also enters the ring as an unconscicous PRL is covering an unconscicious "Shooter" Jay Darring. The mystery man heads to the outside to check on The Lightning Crew as the crowd boos. Both referees make the count.
JR
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NOT LIKE THIS! DON'T LET HIM WIN LIKE THIS! NO! PLEASE
NO!
1......
2........
3!!!!!!
*DING DING DING*
JR
AW DAMNIT! WHY? WHY? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!!!
RING ANNOUNCER
The winner of this match....and STILL OaOasT North American Champion, PUERTO RICAN LIGGGGGGGHHHHTTTTTNNNNINNNGGGGGGGGG!!!
COMMERCIALS
-
::The camera cuts back to the Lightning Crew. The crowd begins booing once again since they know it’s the Lightning Crew dressing room due to the camera cutting to a close-up of an opened present filled with wrapping paper. Salsa music is being played on the stereo. Small “P.R. SUCKS!” chants are heard as the Lightning Crew continue exchanging presents with each other. There are cups filled with beer scattered across the floor, and wrapping paper covering half of the room. Several opened presents are shown: a X-Box. A Gamecube. Some Shady Limited shirts. The Ultimate Ric Flair Collection DVD. Bloodbath: Wrestling’s Most Dangerous Cage Matches DVD. Some Lightning Crew t-shirts and toys. A Puerto Rican Lightning action figure. And Tony Hawk Underground for the Playstation 2. A new Salsa song begins to play while Colombian Heat looks at the giant sliver chains he has been given by Puerto Rican Lightning. Mr. Boricua has a giant red bow on his suit and is lying on the floor reading The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Vitamin X is drinking some more beer. The rest of the Lightning Crew are gathered around their sofa with PRL, who is in a better mode than he was before. He is actually smiling opening up a new present. He is in shock when he finds out what the present is.::
Puerto Rican Lightning (Surprised):
The new Jay-Z CD! Thanks, Cuban Wall!
Cuban Wall:
Eh, no problem, boss.
Puerto Rican Lightning:
Come here, you big lug.
::Puerto Rican Lightning gives a big hug to Cuban Wall. Wall responds with a halfhearted hug. He shrugs the hug off and clears his throat, attempting to not show any emotion.::
Colombian Heat:
Hey Lindsay, thanks for the ice! The official Lightning Crew sliver chain looks great around my neck. Now I have some more ice to rock around my neck.
Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:
No problem, Heat. PRL’s friends are my friends too.
Colombian Heat:
Well if that’s the case, can I get some of what PRL is getting?
Lindsay (disgusted):
NO!
Heat:
Had to try it. Hey, Puerto Rican, where’s your present for me?
Puerto Rican Lightning:
Glad you asked, bud, because I just happen to have it right here. Consider this a token of my appreciation for your loyalty to the Lightning Crew and a way to show you how much I care about you.
::Colombian Heat opens up a big, skinny square shaped present. The present turns out to be a giant 8x10 poster of Puerto Rican Lightning posing with the Puerto Rican Championship belt. The crowd boos loudly at PRL’s ego. Colombian Heat acts as though he has won an academy award. PRL smiles proudly as Heat jumps up and down looking at the poster. The poster also has PRL’s signature with “To Colombian Heat, you are the best friend a guy could ever have. Thanks for joining the Lightning Crew and doing whatever I say. Your Friend, Puerto Rican Lightning.”::
Heat:
Gee, thank you PRL. You’re the greatest.
PRL:
No problem, bud.
::Colombian Heat runs over to PRL and hugs him. PRL has a look of disgust on his face, trying hard to work up a smile.::
PRL:
Okay. That’s enough. Enough. ENOUGH!
::Heat lets go and skips merrily with the poster.::
Puerto Rican Lightning:
Wow. I got some really great presents this year. Awesome. Guys, this has cheered me up a whole bunch. I have completely forgotten that I have a title defense against The Mad CRAPPA this Sunday at Bloody, Battered, and Beaten. Oh well. Thanks Heat. Thanks Wall. Thanks X. Thanks Thomas. Thanks Boricua. Hey, Lindsay, I notice I didn’t get a present from you. What’s up wit that?
Lindsay (rather seductive):
Well, P.R. I got you a present, but, um, you’ll just have to wait until later tonight to receive it.
::She pulls her dress down a bit and gives PRL a peek.::
PRL:
Oh, you are a naughty, naughty girl. You deserve a spanking! ::Giggles::
Heat:
Can I get some?
PRL and Lindsay:
NO!
Puerto Rican Lightning:
Anyway, this night has been great so far. So, enough chitchat. Let’s get back to the most important thing about Christmas: getting presents!
::The salsa music changes to “Frontin’” by Pharell Williams featuring Jay-Z. The Lightning Crew continue exchanging presents as the camera fades out.::
Cut back to JR, who's now in the parking lot, approaching his car
JR:
These Lightning Crew members “Drinking PRL’s Kool-Aid”. Doing whatever he says. It’s disgusting and pitiful how these men and women can follow Puerto Rican Lightning till the ends of the Earth. What a couple of sad human beings....how do I know whats going inside when I'm out here? Well, lets just call it Christmas magic, kids!
JR reaches his car, and opens the door. Inside sits -
JR
Naz Mistry?!
NAZ
I'm home for Christmas!
Naz jumps out of the car and nails JR with a forearm shot! The cover!
ONE!
TWO!
The save comes in from Jesse Ventura, out of nowhere! Naz growls at Jesse, who growls back louder and poses! Naz whimpers and runs!
JR
BAH GAWD! Thankyou Jess!
JESSE
No problem, Jim Ross...I thought I'd drop in on the show, as it Christmas and all...but now...maybe you could just lie down and let me get the 1-2-3?
JR
Hey!
JESSE
C'mon, I wanna win!
JR
We need to talk about this...while we do, here's another match from IntenseZone 2003. This is from October 7th's Season Premiere- and it features PRL defending his NA title against the franchise of IZ, Jay Darring!
-
We come back to see JR sneaking around a corner backstage. As he disappears from view, there's a sudden CRASH! The camera pans around the corner to see JR flat on his back, with none other than G Money standing over him!
MONEY
Lovely, a trophy for a Christmas present. I'll just get the 3 count-
Money drops onto JR, and counts it himself!
"One!"
"Two!"
Out of nowhere, JINGUS appears, and heaves Money off JR with a massive hand!
MONEY
Bloody hell, you monstrosity! Get your hands off me!
JINGUS
ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
JINGUS grabs Money for a CLAWSLAM, but Money counters with the traditional offence to JINGUS off a KNEE TO THE GROIN! JINGUS collapses, groaning, but as Money turns, JR is nowhere to be seen!
MONEY
Slippery bugger. Now-
Money turns, straight into the chest of a rightened JINGUS. Money gulps.
We cut to JR, making his way outside to the parking lot.
JR
Fans, I figure if I stay in my truck for the rest of the night, I'll be safe! BAH GAWD, I'll get Dan Black for this...but now, we have another piece of footage from the past- this one is the very first IntenseZone match of 2003! And strangely enough, it features Mystery Eskimo, taking on the Superstar in a match that ended very strangely...
SUPERSTAR vs. MYSTERY ESKIMO
Special Guest Referee:OAOAST World Champion ANGLESAULT
"a...W...o" echoes through the arena, just before Aerosmith's "Dream On" begins to play. Clad in a red and white striped referee shirt, with a blue star in the middle, is the OAOAST World Champion Anglesault. AS makes his way down to the ring amidst many boos and heckles. AS stops to confront several ringside fans who aren't afraid to show their true feelings, then enters the ring.
"Ice Ice Baby" plays loud and clear, and one half of the former World Tag Team Champions, the one and only Mystery Eskimo, makes his way to the ring. Eskimo can not be happy with the way things went down as far as losing the World Tag Titles, and gives AS a glare as he enters the ring.
"Ice Ice Baby" fades out, and the thunderous sound of "Downfall" blares through the speakers, igniting a large pop from the crowd. Coming into view at the top of the ramp, and making his way to the ring, it's The Superstar! SS powerwalks down to the ring, stepping through the ropes and saluting the fans that he's once again won over. As the lights come back on, the camera focuses on Superstar and AS staring each other down. SS switches his attention to ME, and they begin to circle the ring as the bell rings.
Lockup, and SS grabs a headlock, and IMMEDIATELY AS starts examining the hold as if SS is doing something wrong. ME tries to counter with a back suplex, but SS holds on and shifts his weight so that he doesn't go. Anglesault comes over and shoves SS off of ME, then makes a "choking" gesture, and says "None of that!" SS looks increduously at AS, only to be schoolboyed by ME...AS with a FAST count...2 Count only! SS gets up, and takes over a charging ME with an arm drag. He dodges another charge by sidestepping ME and sending him into the ropes. SS tries for a hiptoss, but it's blocked by ME...counter by ME, as he tries one of his own...SS counters that by kicking ME in the gut and carrying him over with a butterfly suplex! As Eskimo gets up, SS jumps up on his shoulders, as if to take him down with a huracanrana, but Eskimo throws him back to the mat, only to have Superstar land on his feet...Eskimo takes him out of his boots with a stiff lariat! Stomps follow, as ME is taking it to the fallen Superstar, all to the approval of the official, Anglesault.
Eskimo stands Superstar up, and unleashes a chop that makes the whole arena shake. Superstar staggers back, and again takes a chop that everyone must have felt. Eskimo kicks SS, and quickly snaps him over with a snap suplex. Eskimo taunts SS a bit, then goes to pick him back up...SMALL PACKAGE BY SUPERSTAR...ANGLESAULT IS CHECKING HIS WATCH??!?!?! AS gets into position...1 count only!
JR:"Unbiased officiating my ass!"
Jesse:"He was checking the time, Ross. Common mistake?"
JR:"Right, just like the new aWo official, Angle-Won Olympics? I suppose he and Anglesault went to the same referee school, right?"
Jesse:"They have referee school?"
JR:"Ah, forget it."
Superstar is staggering Eskimo with punches, and as he goes for the final shot, Anglesault steps in front of him to block the shot for Mystery Eskimo! AS makes the "closed fist" gesture, and warns Superstar, who has got to be nearing the boiling point already. Superstar threatens to hit Anglesault, who smugly points to his chin and dares Superstar to hit him. SS instead runs past AS, charging ME who is leaning on the ropes...ME ducks, and SS gets backdropped over the top rope to the floor!
AS starts the count, and is counting rather quickly. As he gets to the count of 5 (in about 2 seconds "real time"), he notices Eskimo's partner, the monster JINGUS, heading down the aisle. Anglesault IMMEDIATELY turns to Eskimo and appears to be "occupied" with him, and decides to frisk him for weapons at that point! While AS is supposedly troubleshooting, JINGUS comes to ringside and picks Superstar up, bearhugging him and then ramming his lower back into the apron! Superstar yells in pain, only for JINGUS to repeat the move! With AS still not looking, JINGUS rolls Superstar into the ring, leaving him easy prey for Eskimo.
Eskimo goes for the cover on Superstar, and AS again slaps the mat as fast as humanly possible, but SS keeps his senses about him and sticks his foot up on the bottom rope. Eskimo stands up and starts stomping away at Superstar, kicking him out of the ring and to the floor, right in front of JINGUS again. JINGUS stares down at the fallen body of SS, and picks him up, then pulls him in and nails him with a short arm clothesline. JINGUS grabs Superstar and sets him up in powerbomb position, when Anglesault turns around and catches JINGUS in the act!
JR:"FINALLY! No AS has no reason not to disqualify Eskimo!"
Anglesault slides out of the ring, and calmy questions JINGUS' intentions. AS is heard saying "You want him that badly?", only to have the huge monster nod "yes". AS walks over to the timekeepers table, and takes the mic from the announcer.
AS:"In the interest of fairness, since JINGUS seems to want to be involved, I, as an upstanding official, am now declaring this to be a handicap match!"
JR:"WHAT?"
Jesse:"You can't be satisfied, can you Ross?"
JINGUS smiles a wicked smile, then picks Superstar back up, this time by the head. JINGUS wraps his huge hand around Superstar's forehead, and prepares for a CLAWSLAM on the floor, when all of a sudden...IT'S ZACK! ZACK MALIBU IS HERE!
Zack sprints down the ramp and LEAPS at JINGUS, his scheduled opponent for later on! Zack unloads a flurry of punches on the big man, but as he prepares to deliver the final blow, he turns and nails an oncoming Eskimo! Anglesault looks on in disgust, then rolls out under the bottom rope and storms back over to the announcer.
AS:"Malibu! You can't wait until later on to take on JINGUS, and you know what, he shouldn't have to do double duty just for your sorry ass anyhow! This is a tag match, starting NOW!"
JR:"Well I'll be, a good call, finally!"
What started as The Superstar vs. Mystery Eskimo has now evolved into a tag team contest, pitting the former World Tag Team Champions against the Leader of The In Crowd and his former stablemate! Superstar rolls Eskimo in, while a dazed JINGUS and a hyped up Zack Malibu take their spots on the apron.
Superstar has a headlock locked on Eskimo, then switches to a hammerlock and finally grabs Eskimo by both legs and takes him down to the mat face first. Superstar looks to grab an armbar, but Eskimo slips free, then he looks to try a Frostbite Facelock, but Superstar slips out. Superstar grabs the right leg of Eskimo and drags him more towards the center of the ring, but then Eskimo rolls onto his back and kicks Superstar away with his left leg. Eskimo uses his arm to sweep Superstar's legs out from under him, then he tries an elbow as SS lands, but SS rolls out of the way, then pops up and tries an elbow of his own, only to have Eskimo dodge that. Eskimo gets to his feet, and kicks Superstar in the side of the head as he's getting up. Eskimo goes for an Irish Whip, then puts his head down to set up for a back bodydrop...Superstar leapfrogs over him, then tries for a rollup...Anglesault is AGAIN slow in making the count...Eskimo kicks out, and as Superstar heads towards the ropes, JINGUS pulls down the top rope, causing Superstar to spill to the floor!
Anglesault goes over to Zack and starts mouthing at him for no reason, telling him not to dare go and get inolved while he's not legal. Of course, this is the perfect set-up for JINGUS and Eskimo to do some double-teaming, as JINGUS rams SS' head into the apron, leaving him prone to a baseball slide by Eskimo. JINGUS rolls Superstar back in, then takes him and starts choking him on the bottom ropes. Eskimo pulls Superstar away from the ropes and goes for a pin, convieniently just as AS turns away from Zack...2 COUNT ONLY! SUPERSTAR KICKS OUT!
Eskimo slaps the mat, frustrated that Superstar won't give in that easily. He pulls him up to his feet, and sets him up for the Blizzard Bomb...NO! Superstar elbows Eskimo to free himself, then kicks him in the gut...desperation DDT! Superstar and Eskimo both lay on the mat.
Eskimo starts sliding towards his corner, as SS is doing his best to make the tag to Zack. AS is keeping an eye on both guys...SUPERSTAR TAGS ZACK! Zack goes running for Eskimo, but Anglesault gets in the way! Zack tries shoving AS aside, but AS gets in his face about how he can DQ Zack...JINGUS gets tagged! He runs in with a big boot to Zack as Anglesault jaws with him, then pulls him up and wraps his hands around Zack's throat, choking him and forcing him back into the corner. As he releases the hold to slam a forearm down into Zack's chest, Zack ducks out of the way at the last second, leaving JINGUS to slam down on the top turnbuckle! JINGUS turns, right into a flurry of punches from Zack that leave him dazed in the corner, as Zack backs up...RUNNING KNEELIFT IN THE CORNER! JINGUS slumps down a bit, and Zack pulls him up, then tries for a Tornado DDT, only to get thrown off! Zack lands on his feet, and JINGUS moves towards him, not seeing Superstar perched on the turnbuckle behind him...MISSLE DROPKICK TO THE BACK OF JINGUS' HEAD...RIGHT INTO A MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER BY ZACK! Malibu goes for the cover, but rather than count, AS starts ushering Superstar out of the ring and chastising him! As they argue, Eskimo runs in and pulls Zack up off JINGUS and nails the Iceberg Drop, his very own version of Zack's POP Drop! JINGUS covers Zack, and Anglesault turns to make the count, only to have Superstar run back in and grab JINGUS' leg, breaking up the pinfall!
Anglesault and his rival Superstar start jawjacking, and it's only a matter of seconds before they come to blows. Just as tensions are about to boil over, AS gets nailed from behind by Zack, and bumps into Superstar! JINGUS had tried tossing Zack into the ropes, but AS stepped in the way! Zack falls back, as AS rolls under the bottom rope and to the floor, while SS lay dazed in the corner.
JINGUS grabs the weary Malibu, and prepares him for his finisher, The Clawslam. As JINGUS' signals for it, Zack tries to pry his hand free, but to no avail...but SS is getting up in the background...GHETTO BLASTER~! to JINGUS! The enzugiri kick dazes the big man, and he lets go of Zack, stumbling around...JINGUS walks into School's Out by Zack! The big man falls to one knee via Zack's signature move, and both Superstar and Zack look at each other, then each grabs JINGUS...DOUBLE SUPLEX TAKES HIM OVER! THE RING SHOOK ON THAT ONE! The crowd pops huge, as the big man is flat on his back!
Eskimo comes charging in, but Zack sidesteps him and tosses him right back out, over the top rope and to the floor! With Eskimo dazed on the outside, Zack heads up top, and waits on him...FLYING BODYPRESS TO THE FLOOR!!! Zack wipes out Eskimo!
Meanwhile, Superstar has JINGUS pinned, but Anglesault is nowhere to be found. Superstar sees him laying on the outside, and yells at him to get off his ass and come make the count. As Superstar is yelling, JINGUS slowly recovers in the background, like a horror movie villain rising again. Angelsault rolls into the ring, but it looks like he's holding something...it's his SLEDGE! AS stands up, his back to Superstar, but then he turns and swings...AND HITS JINGUS! THE BIG MAN FALLS LIKE A TON OF BRICKS! SUPERSTAR WAS READY FOR HIM! AS and SS have a staredown, and AS GETS SPEARED BY MALIBU! Zack rushes in to save SS from a sledge shot, then grabs the sledge himself! Zack holds it up for all to see, and takes a shot...AS DUCKS, and SUPERSTAR GETS HIT! SS rolls under the bottom rope, holding his forehead, which is now dripping blood. Angelsault hits a lowblow on Zack, then blasts HIM in the forehead with a sledge shot, sending Zack staggering back and falling through the ropes. Eskimo, Superstar and Zack all lay on the floor, wounded during the course of this battle, as the monster JINGUS lay on the mat in the center of the ring.
Anglesault surveys the damage around him, and walks around the ring, clutching the sledge in one hand and making a count with the other hand. Not one of the three men on the floor are able to answer the 10 count, however, and AS calls for the bell. He requests the mic from the announcer to make the official decision, then pushes the poor guy off the apron after he hands it to him.
AS:"Ladies and gentlemen, as a result of a countout...I always knew this guy was a winner..."
AS grabs JINGUS by the arm, raising it in victory while at the same time pulling the big guy to his knees. AS then drops the mic, and CRACKS JINGUS in the head with the sledge!! Anglesault looks down at the fallen bodies around him, then simply shrugs and walks off, clutching his trusty sledge in his right hand.
COMMERCIALS
-
::The camera cuts to the Lightning Crew dressing room. The crowd boos the moment Puerto Rican Lightning is shown. PRL is lying in his dressing room with a look of fear on his face. Chants of “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” are heard. Tha Puerto Rican cuddles a pillow as if it was a baby while the rest of the Lightning Crew look at him. There is a Christmas tree in the room with Christmas decorations all over. Presents are lying around with Colombian Heat checking one of them. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, who is wearing a Santa Claus hat and a tight sexy black dress with black heels and a gold chair around her right arm, sits right next to Lightning and rolls her fingers through his long hair.::
Puerto Rican Lightning:
Cappa is going to kill me. Cappa is going to kill me. Cappa is going to kill me. Cappa is going to kill me. Cappa is going to kill me. Cappa is going to kill me. Cappa is going to kill me. Cappa is going to kill me.
Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:
It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. This Sunday, you WILL defeat The Mad Cappa and you will walk out of the arena, still the OaOasT North American Champion.
Vitamin X:
Don’t worry boss. Don’t be afraid. The Mad Cappa is not in your league. You can kick his ass with one arm tied behind your back. I believe in you boss.
Thomas Rodriguez:
Ain’t no sweat, boss. You are the greatest. You are the best wrestler who ever lived and the longest reigning NA Champion in OaOasT history. You can do it. You’ve defeated “Shooter” Jay Darring. You’ve defeated The Blurricane. You’ve defeated The Mad Cappa before. You can do it again, boss. I believe in you.
Cuban Wall:
Boss, there ain’t no one, and I mean NO ONE who is in your league, P.R. Cappa is just an imitator, a wannabe, a pathetic loser. YOU are the real deal. YOU are the man. YOU are the best. YOU are the real People’s Champion. You are Tha Puerto Rican. You are the best. Cappa has no chance in hell of defeating you this Sunday at Bloody, Battered, and Beaten. You will send Cappa packing once again. You will end his career this Sunday. He talks about you getting yours. This Sunday, he will be getting his.
Mr. Boricua:
You…Puerto Rican…. best wrestler. Ever. You rule. Cappa. Not. In. League. Cappa. Not PRL. Cappa. Loser. PRL. Good. Cappa…jerk. PRL….friend. PRL. Best Champion ever. Cappa will lose on Sunday. Mr. Boricua believes in you. PRL will beat The Mad Cappa. You rule. Boricua will let you do him if you want. That’s how much Mr. Boricua loves you.
Colombian Heat:
Is it possible to burn a CD without a CD Burner?
::The crowd laughs. Cuban Wall groans and shakes his head.::
Cuban Wall:
What does that have to do with anything?
Colombian Heat:
I was just wondering if I don’t receive a CD Burner for Christmas this year.
Cuban Wall:
Shouldn’t you be concentrating on something more important, like say, making your best friend happy?
Colombian Heat:
I just was wondering if there was any other method to burning a CD other than a CD Burner.
Cuban Wall:
P.R., can I just knock out Colombian Heat? Just once? Just one punch. Come on, man! Give me one shot. Just one!
Colombian Heat:
Why you hatin’, man? We in this together, G! We Lightning Crew 4-Life, bro. We in this FO’ the Lightning, mang. Viva La Rassa~! And all that shit. We may not be tight like Eminem and 50 Cent, but we gots to be workin’ wit each other, if we want the Lightning Crew to survive and Puerto Rican Lightning to be king for a long time. We gots to anticipate-cooperate-obliterate-the-haterade-being-spouted-by-these-chickenheaded-pussy-foot-pussy-whipped-ain’t-that-a-bitch? We gots to annihilate the competition. We gots to stand together in the game of life and say, we’re not going to take this shit. We gots to say, “We’re the best.” And we gots to say “Watch out! If ya’ll f*** wit us, we are gonna kick Yo’ ass. Ya’ll better not f*** wit us, homies. Cuz we are the best, and the rest all suck, so let’s all jet and find a good woman to—
Puerto Rican Lightning:
DON’T SAY IT!
Colombian Heat:
Okay. Okay.
Cuban Wall:
I hate you so much.
Colombian Heat:
Don’t be hatin’.
Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:
Guys, guys. Remember what we are here for.
Colombian Heat:
I forget.
Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez (rolling her eyes; sighing):
(Quietly): You forget a lot, you idiot. (Loudly): We’re here because Christmas is coming up and to celebrate, we’re going to have a Lightning Crew Christmas Party! We got presents, we got music, we got decorations. And we’re doing this all to cheer up our loveable Puerto Rican Lightning. ::Lindsay kisses PRL:: Now, let’s get to it. P.R., get your mind off of The Mad Cappa for just one night. Tonight is a night of celebration. It’s Christmas time, cheer up. You may have to face Cappa this Sunday, but you still got time to party!
Colombian Heat:
Alright! We’re going to party like it’s…uh…what year is it?
Cuban Wall:
2003.
Colombian Heat:
Right! 2003! Whoo! Party down! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
::Colombian Heat puts the stereo on to hip-hop music. Wall begins to dance like an idiot while Cuban Wall looks on in disgust. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez starts bringing presents out from under the Christmas tree, while Vitamin X goes to get some beer. The rest of the Lightning Crew gather around and begin to open presents. Puerto Rican Lightning finally awakens from his trance and looks at the presents. At first, he is a little hesitant, but he begins opening up some presents.::
::Cut to backstage with Jim Ross.::
JR:
Well, the Lightning Crew sure are in the Christmas mood. It’s Christmas Eve and we got a great show ahead for you tonight. We will be checking back with the Lightning Crew throughout the night. It sure looks to be interesting. Fans, don’t go away. We will be right back with the special Christmas Eve edition of IntenseZone. Don’t go away!
JR looks both ways, and runs off down a corridor
COMMERCIALS
::Commercials::
-
We come back to JR, slumped against a wall, panting.
JR
Well fans...that was one of the OAOAST's most... memorable matches...and this year's BBB will be just as....memor- ARGH!
JR jumps up as Plushy Al Logan appears, brandishing a bottle of baby oil! JR shrieks with fright and runs down a side corridor.
JR
Let's....go somewhere else! Quick!
(Backstage Robert Edwards and Judas are sitting in a locker room.)
JUDAS
I know that you’re the one taking out all the Blurri-Rangers. You won’t get away with this.
ROBERT
And what are you going to do about it?? You can’t do a thing and you can’t prove it was me.
JUDAS
One of these days you’ll get what’s coming to you.
ROBERT
You’re right…I’m going to get power and money. It’s all coming to me! Now as for you…what’s coming to you is a match at the PPV.
JUDAS
What???
ROBERT
You must prove to me that you’re really with us. So you’ll be facing The Blurricane at the PPV! You must face him or you will get nothing of what we promised and all that we’ve threatened.
JUDAS
Fine…
ROBERT
Good.
(Fade Out)
-
Benoit is 36. I remember looking it up earlier in the year when some idiot was saying you could tell Benoit was using steroids because he was losing his hair...
So overall how was your Christmas?
in General Chat
Posted
***1/2- Happy family time.
New years however promises to be ****3/4 drunken chaos.
I'll never get tired of wrestling ratings for real life...