alfdogg

OKERLUND Our next match will feature...CWM!!! *CWM swaggers out of the locker room.* COLE Former World Champion, making his way down for our 6th Battlebowl match! COACH And another guy you got to consider a favorite to walk out as one half of our AngleSlam main event! *Maria hands the envelope over.* OKERLUND His partner...PETER KNIGHT!!! *Knight leaves the locker room.* COLE And this is going to be a great team right here! COACH No doubt about it, but let's find out who their opponents are! *Okerlund gets an envelope.* OKERLUND The name of SOME GUY!!! *Some Guy does a small strut before making his way out.* COLE Oooh, this is gonna be good! Some Guy and CWM on opposite ends! *Maria hands the envelope to Gene.* OKERLUND And...THE 70'S DUDE!!! COLE What a match we've got prepared for you this time!!! *The 70's Dude is not seen in the locker room area.* BUFFER The following contest is our next Battlebowl qualifier! The lights go down...and the strains of Nirvana hit the arena, prompting the live crowd to turn ugly! The fans jeer as out steps CWM! COLE And we're all set for our next match, and it looks like our first contestant is going to be CWM! The longtime OAOAST member walks down the aisle, sneering and scowling at the fans. The fans reply in kind. COACH Well, CWM is none too popular these days, although to his credit he is making a stand against Drek Stone and his group. CABOOSE I'll give him that. We've had our run-ins, but I give him that. CWM enters the ring, bouncing off the ropes before leaning in one corner as his music dies down. CUE: Oh Hell Yeah "YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" The fans cheer as PETER KNIGHT steps onto the stage! Knight looks ready to go, waving up the crowd as he storms down the aisle! COLE Well all right! Peter Knight is looking good! COACH Yes he is, baby. Yes he is. COLE BWA?! COACH Um....yeah. No that works. Anyway, Knight does look good after his vicious brawl with Chris Stevens a few days ago. Knight slides into the ring, then shoots a look at CWM, who eyes him coolly. After a moment of tension, PK climbs to the second rope, raising his arms and drawing a cheer from the audience. COLE PK made a strong statement a few days ago on HeldDown, and he's got to be a favorite to come out on top! CABOOSE Sad as it is to say, you may be right. Knight hops off the ropes and heads over to his partner for the night, who nods at him. Both men turn their eyes to the ramp... CUE: Sexy Boy ...where SOME GUY appears from the curtain! The fans go BANANA for the veteran SG, who DANCES~ as he makes his way down the aisle! COLE Whoa-HO! Some Guiy and CWM in the same ring! Knight's gaze shifts to his partner, who closes his eyes almost painfully. CWm opens his eyes and a scowl emerges on his face, looking with disdain on his rival. SG hops onto the ring apron, dancing before he steps into the ring, where he eyes CWM carefully. SG takes off his entrance attire, never taking his eyes off of CWM. COLE A lot of history in that ring. BUFFER And his partner..... *"Boogey Man" by KC and the Sunshine Band hits and the crowd erupts, expecting the arrival of The 70s Dude.* Cole: Can it be?! Has The 70s Dude returned to the OAOAST? *Some Guy, CWM and Peter Knight all look down the ramp as the groovy music plays, but the Dude is nowhere to be found. Suddenly, CWM jumps Some Guy from behind!* *ding ding ding* The referee calls for the bell as CWM lays some boots into Some Guy! The fans jeer, unhappy with the tactics, and PK even looks a bit unpleased as he steps ointo the apron! COLE Well, I guess that the Dude is still in Japan! CABOOSE That's a shame. I'd rather commentate with two 70s Dudes than you two losers. Some Guy climbs with the help of the ropes, getting to his feet, and CWM spins him around and stings him with a knife-edge chop! Sone Guy reels, and CWM sends him off the ropes...no, reversal by Some Guy, who catches CWM with a back elbow! Some Guy waves CWM to his feet, and catches his rival with a shot to the temple! CWM stumbles back, and tags out to PK! COLE How is Some Guy gonna fight out of this? It's two-on-one! CABOOSE I don't think he is, Cole. PK and Some Guy step to meet each other, nodding before both reel back and throw a HUGE right hand! The stronger Knight gets the better, sending SG back. PK follows him, throwing a few more rights before sending Some Guy off the ropes. SG comes in, and Knight catches him with a big back body drop! SG hits hard, his back arching as he reels in pain. PK makes a cover, but Some Guy gets out at two! COACH Some Guy is at, like, the worst disadvantage ever. Two-on-one against a bitter rival and one of the favorites to win this thing. PK picks SG up by the hair and drags him to the corner, where Knight tags in CWM. Knight holds Some Guy's arm out, and CWM kicks him in the elbow joint, causing a cringe from SG. CWM follows it up with a hammerlock, increasing the pressure. Some Guy, though, grabs CWM from behind by the head and throws him over the shoulder with a takedown! Some Guy sends CWM to his BUTT, and clasps on a chinlock from behind! The fans clap as Some Guy cinches the move in, but CWM fights to his feet and throws an elbow to SG's gut! Some Guy breaks the hold, and CWM turns, stunning him with a European uppercut! SG falls into the ropes, allowing CWM to tag out to Knight! CABOOSE CWM and PK know that their greatest advantage is the numbers game, and they're using that knowledge as best as they can. Knight grabs Some Guy from the ropes and hiptosses him to the mat. Some Guy crawls to the corner, where PK pulls him up and chops him in the chest. "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" PK grabs Some Guy by the arm and whips him across the ring, where CWM grabs him from behind and starts choking him! The fans are irate as CWM grabs his rival by the throat, and the ref administers a five count! CWM breaks at five, and Some Guy immediately turns and takes a swing at CWM!! CWM dodges the blow, and the ref steps between the two as they scream at each other! COLE This is one hell of a deep rivalry. These guys can't stand each other! Some Guy takes a step back...and PK spins him around and hoists him onto his shoulders! The crowd cheers in spite of themselves as the fan favorite Some Guy is dropped with the KNIGHTMARE!! COLE KNIGHTMARE! Some Guy was distracted by CWM and he fell to the Knightmare! CABOOSE The numbers don't lie. PK hooks Some Guy's leg and the referee makes the count! ONE! TWO! THREE!!!! *ding ding ding* Oh Hell Yeah hits as PK rolls off of Some Guy, getting to his feet and shrugging at his opponent before the referee raises his hand in victory. BUFFER The winners of this match, moving onto the battlr royal...CWM and PETER KNIIIIIIIGHT!!! Knight heads out of the ring, his work done for now. The popular star high-fives fans at ringside as he exits. Meanwhile, CWM enters the ring and pulls SG to his feet....and HITS HIM WITH THE POLLYCUTTER!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Come on!! CWM looks down with a laugh as the referee pushes him away. With a snarl, CWM shoves the referee away before exiting the ring. COLE Well, give Some Guy credit. He tried tonight. But it will be that man, CWM, competing for a title shot, as well as Peter Knight! The Battlebowl rolls on!!

OKERLUND OK, Michael Cole, we're ready for our 5th Battlebowl match. *Gene takes the envelope from Maria.* OKERLUND LEON RODEZ!!! *Rodez raises his arms in the air and leaves the locker room.* COLE Another one of the big names, Leon Rodez, the former X champion! *Gene gets another envelope.* OKERLUND Leon's partner...GUNNER SHARPS!!! *Gunner leaves the locker room.* COLE Hey, this could be a good team if they can co-exist! *Gene gets another name from Maria.* OKERLUND One of their opponents will be...oh my goodness, CRYSTAL!!! COACH How about this, Crystal and Gunner Sharps now on opposite sides! COLE I wonder who will partner up with Crystal here... *Maria hands over the envelope.* OKERLUND From the New New Midnights, NARCISSISTIC NED!!! COLE And it'll be one half of the tag team champions joining Crystal in her corner against Leon Rodez and, believe it or not, Gunner Sharps!!! *the participants make their ways down to the ring. Gunner is stunned to find out that Crystal will be in the opposing corner.* Not wanting to start with her main ally, Crystal ducks out to the apron, leaving a somewhat surprised Ned Blanchard in the ring to face off with the big man, Gunner Sharps. COLE This is something that works against both Rodez and Ned, because not only do they have partners they've never worked with, but their partners are used to working with each other! CABOOSE Partner or not, I'd get out of the ring if Gunner Sharps was staring me down too! Ned shrugs, and quickly charges Gunner, who easily shoves him down to the canvas. Crystal just shakes her head as Ned comes up to a knee, looking at Sharps, who stands unaffected. Ned charges again, and again Sharps pushes him to the canvas hard, completely dominating the smaller Blanchard. Ned comes up to his feet and looks over to Crystal, but Crystal makes like she doesn't see him and ignores his silent plea for a tag. Left to deal with Gunner on his own, Ned runs towards him again, this time swinging around with a rear waistlock, and tries hoisting the big man off his feet. As expected, that fails, and Gunner backs up, squashing Ned in the corner! Gunner turns around and runs to the corner, looking to crush Ned again, but Blanchard kicks both feet up and pushes Gunner back, then hops up on the second rope and dives off with a flying clothesline that puts the big man down! COLE He put him on his back! CABOOSE I know! Usually that only happens to Crystal! COACH Ya..HEY! Ned hits a standing legdrop to keep Gunner down, then moves to his corner to make a quick tag to Crystal. Again, she has no interest in locking up with her bodyguard, and turns her head. Again, Ned shrugs and moves back towards Gunner...then turns around and tags Crystal on the shoulder! COLE She's in! She's legal! CABOOSE That never stopped anyone from hitting on her before! COACH Ye...HEY! COLE Looks like Gunner and Crystal are gonna have to get it on! COACH Can we...can we show that on the air? I mean, sure NYPD Blue got away with Dennis Franz's naked ass for years, but... CABOOSE FOR GOD'S SAKE HE MEANS THEY HAVE TO FIGHT NOW! Reluctantly, Crystal gets in the ring, and Gunner, wired for the matchup, stares her down. Crystal gets in the ring and walks over to the much larger, far more intimdating man that she calls friend, and looks up into his eyes, not backing down. Moments later, it's Gunner who steps back...AND GRABS LEON RODEZ BY THE NECK AND PULLS HIM OVER THE ROPES AND INTO THE RING! CABOOSE That's an interesting way to tag your partner in. Stunned, Leon starts to get up, but Crystal hits the ropes and dropkicks him in the jaw as he gets to his knee. Sharps exits the ring, while Crystal pulls Rodez up and chops him twice, leaning him up against the ropes and then chopping him a third time. Crystal whips Rodez into the ropes, but as she goes to leapfrog him, he jumps up, dropkicking her out of the air! Crystal falls to the canvas and comes up clutching her ribs, and Rodez runs the ropes and comes off with a spinning leg lariat that drops her again! The crowd roars as she goes down and Rodez goes for the cover! ONE! T-KICKOUT! Rodez continues his teams momentum, pulling Crystal to her feet and then immediately dropping her with a back suplex. He runs to the corner and climbs up the ropes, but Ned Blanchard runs across the apron and tries to knock him off! Leon sees it coming and kicks Ned away, but Ned grabs him the ankle and pulls hiim down, crotching him on the ropes! Leon's jaw drops in shock, and Crystal gets up, running up the ropes and jumping onto Leon's shoulders, taking him off with a huracanrana...THAT LEON ROLLS THROUGH ONCE THEY HIT THE MAT! ONE! TWO! NO! Crystal rolls out, comes up to her feet...AND THEN APPLIES THE CRYSTALLING! Well, sort of, as she's looking for it, but Leon kicks her backwards into the ropes, then monkey flips her over...but she lands on her feet...and Ned Blanchard quickly tags himself in! Realizing this could work in her favor, as Leon didn't see it, Crystal makes like she's waiting for Rodez, and when he charges, she ducks, and he goes sailing over the ropes, landing on the apron...but Ned jumps to the floor, then pulls Leon's foot out from under him, taking him to the floor and then ramming his face into the apron! Ned rolls Leon back into the ring, and Crystal hits the ropes, then springs up to the ropes, flipping backwards with a DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH ON LEON RODEZ! Referee Nick Patrick immediately ushers her out of the ring, and while he's busy, Ned Blanchard has ascended the other corner, diving off the ropes with a picture perfect flying elbowdrop onto Mr. Silky Smooth himself! Ned comes up posing and proud, spinning around with arms extended...and getting snatched by the throat by Gunner Sharps! COLE Why's he in the ring? Ned gets lifted, and Crystal runs in the ring, order Gunner to "drop him". Sharps obliges, and Crystal jumps back in fright, as Gunner plants Blanchard on the canvas with a chokeslam! CABOOSE I don't think that's what she had in mind! Feeling his job is done, Gunner goes to exit, not realzing that her order didn't have the same meaning it usually does. Crystal confronts Gunner and shouts him down, and the big brute remains silent as Crystal chastises him...and gets dropkicked into him by a recovered Rodez! Gunner loses his balance and falls to the floor, landing on his feet but dazed nonetheless, and unable to protect Crystal as Rodez grabs her from behind and lifts her into the air...THEN SNAPS HER NECK WITH THE STREET SMARTS! Crystal rolls out of the ring, hurt, and acting on his instincts, Gunner goes to check on her, leaving Leon and Ned. Blanchard comes to his feet, a bit wobbly, and Rodez jumps up and plants both knees into his back, then pulls Ned down onto them, rocking him with the Lungblower! Leon then pushes Ned off his knees and lays him out, then goes up to the top as fast as possible, and comes out with his patented 450 splash! COLE Because The Lady Loves! Blanchard's gotta be hurting after that one! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! "Jungle Boogie" comes up over the PA system, and the crowd is ecstatic, although once Crystal comes to, she'll be less than thrilled. COLE It was quick, but it certainly wasn't painless, and thanks to Leon Rodez, Gunner Sharps will be in the battle royal later on. CABOOSE This match could never really get going thanks to the allegiance of Gunner and Crystal, and it left an opening that Rodez was quick to take, as he just pinned Ned Blanchard to advance tonight in Battlebowl! Gunner lifts Crystal and carries her back to the dressing room, stopping to turn around and look back to the ring. Rodez gets up on the ropes and makes the "me-you" gesture to his large friend-for-a-night, and Gunner simply turns around and walks on, carrying Crystal back to the dressing room as Rodez plays to the crowd.

COLE Up to you, Gene! OKERLUND Thank you, Michael, here's another name from the beautiful Maria, and it's...DREK STONE!!! *Drek poses for the camera before making his way to the ring.* COACH OH YEAH, BABY! COLE Drek Stone, one of the odds-on favorites, you would have to think here! It'll be interesting to see who his partner is going to be! *Okerlund gets the envelope from Maria.* OKERLUND Drek Stone's partner is going to be none other than...DAN BLACK!!! *Black runs his hand through his hair before storming out of the locker room.* COACH See what I mean, Cole? Drek's got a partner with a personal vendetta, who knows what's going to happen between these two? *Maria hands an envelope to Gene.* OKERLUND Who do we got...Wow! TONY BRANNIGAN!!! *Tony is equally as upset as Black, knowing he'll be facing off against his partner. He departs the locker room.* COLE WHOA! Black T is going to be on opposite sides here! COACH Well, this makes me feel a little better! *Gene gets another envelope.* OKERLUND And his partner...SLY SOMMERS!!! COLE Sly Sommers returning to the ring, and he's got a real test in front of him here. *Sly, however, is not seen in either locker room.* COLE Well, I'm not really sure what's going to happen in this next match. COACH Black T facing off against each other for the first time ever! I just can't see them actually locking up. CABOOSE Don't be so sure. They both have big egos. They both want to win at all costs. COLE Plus we have the highly anticipated in ring return of Sly Sommers, who has finally negotiated his way back into the company. We cut to the ring, where Buffer stands by. BUFFER The following is a - "Oh, hush Buff. I can handle this" The crowd boos as Drek Stone walks down to the ring, mic in hand, ready to go in long black trunks. Drek slides in the ring and stares at Buffer till he leaves. DREK I'm going to handle the announce duties for this match. Now, allow me to introduce my tag team partner for this match. He is a man who has won many titles here in the OAOAST - tag, midcard titles, you know, he's pretty good, but just not good enough to actually win the world title. Or beat Zack Malibu. But, you know, he's still a good partner for me to have. Well, better than...hmm...better than...man, I'm sorry Dan, I just can't finish that sentence. You see- Drek stops as Dan Black comes sprinting down the ailse. He dives into the ring and tackles Drek straight down to the mat! COLE Hey! They're supposed to be partners! Dan throws wild punches at Drek, who covers up. In a rare occurence, the crowd cheers Black on, and cheers even louder when Tony Brannigan runs down to the ring too! Dan drags Drek to his feet and shoves him towards Tony, who levels him with a vicious lariat! COACH We need some order here! This match isn't even started! Dan and Tony put the boots to Drek, stomping furiously. Black T are so intent on destroying Stone, however, that they don't notice their nemesis GPX run down with baseball bats in hand! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! Jackson and Static hammer Black T with their bats, leaving them prone on the canvas. Then they help Drek to his feet. GPX grab Dan Black and throw him out over the top rope to the floor. Drek picks up Tony Brannigan - Stonecutter! Johnny Jackson grabs a referee and throws him into the ring, where Scotty Static demands he starts the match. Under this pressure, the official has no choice. *DING DING* Drek covers Tony 1 2 3 *DING DING DING* COLE Oh man! Given the volatile nature of the OAOAST right now I guess we shouldn't be surprised at what just happened, but man, GPX and Drek did a number on Black T once again. COACH Although Drek Stone has taken Dan Black through to the Battle Bowl with him. CABOOSE But after taking a tough shot from that bat - he's likely got a concussion, I don't know how well he'll be able to go. COLE And there's not even a sign of Sly Sommers! Did he even make it here?! COACH I don't know! Let's go the next match!

COLE But right now, let's go to Gene for another drawing! *Maria hands an envelope to Gene.* OKERLUND All right. Come one down...OTAKU!!! *Otaku pumps his fist and makes his way out of the locker room.* COLE Relative newcomer to the OAOAST, what an opportunity awaiting him right here tonight! *Gene gets another envelope* OKERLUND His partner..."THUNDER" TIM LIVINGSTON!!! *Livingston makes his way out of the locker room.* *Maria draws another envelope.* OKERLUND Their opponents include...THA PUERTO RICAN!!! COACH OH yeah! Put my man in the battle royal right now! COLE I wonder who his partner could be? *Maria hands the envelope to Okerlund.* OKERLUND BROCK AUSSTIN!!! COACH This is going to be GREAT! *the participants make their way out to the ring.* DING! DING! DING! Both teams discuss among themselves who’s going to start or whatnot. Tim Livingston convinces Otaku that he wants to start, obviously hoping PRL will start too. PRL quickly escapes to the apron and leaves Brock to start. Brock shrugs and meets Livingston middle of the ring. Tim wastes no time laying in punches to Brock, and Brock returns in kind. Size eventually works against Tim as Brock backs him into the corner an punches away until the referee gets in the middle of it and tells Brock to back off. Brock complies and lets Tim get up, only to grab his arm and whip him to the other neutral corner. But Livingston reverses and follows up with a dropkick in the corner! He starts to mount Brock for the 10 punches in the corner, but before he can get to 2, Brock pushes him off. Tim lands on his feet though, and Brock charges for a clothesline. Livingston ducks and runs the ropes for a flying forearm. He drags a disoriented Ausstin to his and Otaku’s corner and tags Otaku in. Otaku punches Brock a few times and tries to whip him out of the corner, but Brock counters with a short armed clothesline with enough impact to take himself down as well. COACH Ouch! CABOOSE And the momentum changes just like that! Brock sneers at the jeers of the crowd, picks up Otaku and shoves him into his and PRL’s corner. There, he positions Otaku for a vertical suplex and delivers a slingshot suplex to him before tagging in PRL. Brock holds Otaku in place as PRL gives a well placed kick in the ribs. As Otaku holds his ribs in pain, PRL picks him up and hotshots him on the top rope, ribs first. Otaku falls back in the ring and PRL covers. 1! Kickout! PRL rolls his eyes at the, what he believes, is a slow count and stops away at Otaku. Otaku shoves his foot away and tries to pick himself up as PRL decides to turn his attention to Livingston for a second. He jaws with him and spits in his direction, causing Tim to come into the ring and force the referee to force him back in his corner. Of course, while this is all going down, Brock casually made his way to where Otaku was and chokes him with the rope he was using to aid himself getting up. COLE Come on! That’s just unfair. CABOOSE Yeah, it’s unfair for Otaku to have such an idiot partner. After the devious deed is done, PRL takes Otaku to his corner and tags in Brock again. Brock comes in a continually pounds his shoulder into Otaku’s midsection, until the referee puts a stop to it. Ausstin argues with the referee as PRL chokes Otaku with the tag rope. COACH PRL and Brock are sure working nicely as a team. I thought egos would get in the way, but guess I was wrong. Brock knees Otaku in the gut a couple of times and brings him up for a vertical suplex, but Otaku reverses! He pushes Brock to the ropes for a rollup and gets it! 1! 2! Kickout! Otaku gets up before Brock and gives him a couple of right hands before running the ropes for momentum. Unfortunately, he runs into a big boot of Brock. Frustrated and annoyed at Otaku getting even the slightest advantage on him, Brock tags in PRL. PRL drops an elbow on Otaku’s back as he is trying to tag in Tim. He drags Otaku up, lifts him on his shoulders, and performs a devastating gut buster! Cover! 1! 2! Kickout! PRL puts an abdominal stretch the struggling up Otaku, much to the fan’s chagrin. He jaws with Tim, who is more than ready to get into the ring and start kicking ass. PRL gets so distracted with trying to egg on Tim that Otaku hiptosses his way out of the submission move before PRL can react! Both men get up and PRL charges at Otaku, only to eat some superkick! Both are down and Otaku is struggling towards Tim and tags him in before PRL can tag Brock in! Tim charges at PRL and just starts punching him in blind fury. He does a quick snap suplex and goes for the cover! 1! Brock comes in the break the count with a double hand axe handle, but Tim moves last second and Ausstin hits his own partner! Otaku is back in and dropkicks Brock to the outside of the ring and follows him out there. Meanwhile, Tim hits a devastating DDT and goes for the cover again! 1! 2! Kickout! PRL kicks out last second and Tim bangs his hand in frustration. He goes to pick up PRL, but PRL hits a jawbreaker and quickly tags in Brock, who’s returned to his spot on the apron and disposed of Otaku. Tim fires Brock up with some chops right when he gets approached though, surprising the giant. He knocks Brock down with a vicous European uppercut and ascends the ropes. As the ref is being distracted by Brock, PRL sneaks up on Tim and trips him up, crouching him on the top turnbuckle. Brock, conveniently of course, stops distracting the referee and lifts Livingston onto his shoulders. Otaku tries to intervene, but PRL kicks him in the head before he can enter the ring and interfere. Brock then delivers the F-STUNNER-5! 1! 2! 3! DING! DING! DING! “And your winners are BROCK AUUSTIN and PRL!” COACH What a match that was! Brock Ausstin and my man PRL on their way to Battlebowl!

Suddenly, we arrive in the locker room of Leon Rodez, where Josh Matthews is standing by. MATTHEWS Alright, Josh Matthews standing backstage with Leon Rodez...a big night here tonight, but before we get to that, obviously we have to ask about the condition of your sister, Jade. RODEZ Yeah. She's doing good, considering. Matthews nods, as Rodez lounges on his announcer buddy's shoulder. MATTHEWS And...any update on...what actually happened. RODEZ Luckily enough, she saw what happened and before we get any more speculation on the matter...turns out that Christian Wright is innocent. And so is Bohemoth. I spoke to Jade in the hospital Friday morning and she says whoever attacked her was definately a woman. We've talked things over. And she's told me not to worry about a thing. She can fight her own battles and she can speak for herself on the matter of what happened. So, Christian Wright might not have been responsible for the attack on my sister. But he IS responsible for the injuries of James Blonde and Faqu. My friends. And for that, he's going to get what's coming to him. MATTHEWS Well, he may indeed get what's coming to him tonight...as here at Battlebowl, both yourself and Christian Wright, as well as Bohemoth, have been entered into the tournament. As for Battlebowl, yourself, do you believe you can come out on top of the pile tonight? RODEZ Josh...about a month back, The GPX said something to me that's been bugging me ever since. They reminded me that in the past year of being in the OAOAST, I've only had two World Title matches. One of them involved running across a beach, dodging opponents, fans and David Hasselhoff. And the other? The only legit, actual 'match' for the title? That was a glorified handicap match against the Thrillogy. Say what you will, but somewhere along the line, something went wrong, because I've done more than enough to warrant a shot at the title. Realising how serious he's suddenly sounding, Rodez smiles wryly, making an overdramatic gesture to calm himself down. RODEZ Now I'm looking at this tonight and it's 32 wrestlers, fighting for one shot at AngleSlam. And if you look down the list, you could make arguements for a lot of guys. You've got Hoff with his secksy goatee, and his little H on his boots, little H on his kneepads, H on his ass...and usually, when you've got that many H H Hs, you're a shoe-in to win...if you know what I mean. You got Crystal. And let's face it, when we get to the battle royal, she'll have the experience advantage. After all, it won't have been the first time in her life she's been in close proximity with fifteen sweaty men in lycra. Or, so I hear. Or how about PRL? He wants to talk about how he's gonna 'lay the smack down on everyone in the Battlebowl' and about how everyone will 'smell what he's cooking'. Now, I don't know about smelling anyone's cooking. But if he's in that battle royal at the end of the night, he will smell the concrete floor when I toss his Jabroni Leading, Jalapeno Eating, Badly Beaten, Puerto Rican ass right out of the ring. But then again, who knows? If he rented some wrestling talent from whever he rented his knock-off gimmick from, he might have a shot at winning. To Rodez's side, Matthews tries not to laugh. RODEZ Who else have we got...oh yeah, 'CSI'. What the hell sort of name for a group is that? You might as well have just called yourself Desperate Housewives, because at least half of you four could pass for women. And lord knows the other two MUST be desperate for something. Women. Attention. Dramatic weight loss. But then again, with a name as cutting edge as CSI, they MUST have a shot at winning, eh? *thumbs down*. Then...there's Zack and his tag partner. A tag partner that's so insignificant, I asked someone what his name was the other day, and all they could say 'Oh, he's just Some Guy'. Well he's going to have to be SOME Guy to win tonight, whatever his name is. But stranger things have happened. As for Zack...hey, didn't you beat him that one time? MATTHEWS Uhm, yeah? RODEZ Wow. So you've got all those guys...I haven't even mentioned CWM. Or Drek Stone. Gunner Sharps. Peter Knight. The GPX. And let's face it, looking at the format, nobody has an advantage. You can say 'hey, Hoff, Crystal, Zack, Drek, former World Champions'...and you can throw that out of the window. Because if Zack ends up teaming with Crystal, they're as good as out of this. You can say 'hey, GPX could get drawn up as a team and win'...and you can throw that out of the window, unless they grow a couple of hundred pounds before the battle royal. It comes down to the luck of the draw...and the lottery of a battle royal. Anyone could win. ANYONE could go to AngleSlam and challenge for the title. So long as they want it enough. So long as they can put aside differences with their tag team partner. And then, so long as they have the will to do whatever it takes to survive the 16 Man slash Person Battle Royal. Rodez smiles. RODEZ Now, who do you know who can keep his cool enough to team with anyone in this federation? And who do you know who wants this title shot, who's been waiting almost a year for another legit World Title shot? MATTHEWS Uhm... RODEZ Me? ...yeah, that sounds a lot like me. COLE Let's go back to Gene! OKERLUND All right, thank you Michael Cole. Let's get some more names here, Maria! *Maria draws a name* OKERLUND JINGUS!!! *JINGUS gets up slowly and leaves the locker room.* COLE Wow, JINGUS has to be the biggest man in BattleBowl! Imagine the mountain that these other competitors are going to have to climb to defeat him tonight! COACH And imagine the lucky bastard who gets JINGUS as his partner! COLE Good point there, whoever gained JINGUS as a partner is one very lucky competitor. *Maria draws the second name and hands it to Gene.* OKERLUND JINGUS'S partner...from the Global Party Exchange, SCOTTY STATIC!!! *Scotty gets some words of encouragement from Drek before leaving the locker room.* COACH Well Scotty must be excited boys! COLE Scotty Static has hit the jackpot tonight! *Gene gets another name from Maria.* OKERLUND The next name...SARCASTIC SIMON!!! COLE One half of the tag team champions! *Maria draws the final name.* OKERLUND The name of LOGAN "USHER" MANN!!! *Mann gives his partner a high five before leaving for the ring.* COLE WOW! COACH HOW ARE THESE TWO GOING TO GET ALONG? CUE: "Hit Me Verdi One More Time" The weird track hits as the monster JINGUS makes his way out to ringside for our next Tag Team Match. Not accompanied by the Sadist, JINGUS steps into the ring and bullies Micahel Buffer into introducing him. BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, the following Tag Team contest is a BattleBowl Qualifying match, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, weighing in at Three Hundred Sixty Seven Pounds... JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGUUUUUUUUUUUS!!!! In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabees, there finally emerges a group which has come to set the record straight. so, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard can you say uhhh na na na na... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "Make Her Say" by O-Town hits, and the crowd shower the entrance way with litter, and a hugely negative reaction. Behind the curtain steps none other than Scotty Static, one half of one of the best teams in the OAOAST, the Global Party Exchange. He is no stranger to Tag Team wrestling, and has hit the jackpot tonight with his pairing with JINGUS. BUFFER And his partner, he is one half of the Global Party Exchange... SCOTTY STAAAAAAAAAAATIC! Scotty rolls into the ring and slaps JINGUS on the chest, but the big man doesn't seem to be very receptive to his new partner, simply looking at Scotty and not really acknowledging him. "Chase" hits next, and "Sarcastic" Simon is the next man to make his way out into the arena. Staying on the ramp, he figures if he goes into the ring now, he'll get murdered! COLE Wow, Simon had better have a partner that he can relate to and team with, because Cornette isn't even out here! Cue: "G's and Soliders" Yes, none other than Logan 'Usher' Mann makes his way out to the ring, with the crowd going insane for the Heavenly Rocker! Mann walks down to the ramp and goes face to face with his brand new partner, talking some trash, before both decide to storm the ring! COLE These two had better work together, or they'll get eliminated very quickly! *DING DING DING* Simon and Logan storm the ring where Static and JINGUS are waiting. Mann goes to JINGUS, but the big man handles the Rocker like a toy, using his own momentum to take him over into a Powerslam! "Sarcastic" Simon and Scotty Static square off on the other side of the ring, with Simon getting the advantage, running to the ropes, but BOOM! Getting knocked down by a huge JINGUS clothesline! JINGUS exits the ring, leaving Static and Simon as the legal men. The referee helps Logan out of the ring also, and we are underway. Static capitalises on the power move of JINGUS earlier, connecting with big right hands to the temple of Simon. Static lifts Simon to his feet, and seds him for an Irish Whip. Simon comes off... DROPKICK right to the jaw sends Simon to the mat! Static is back on his opponent quickly, wrenching the arm, and sending him for another Irish Whip. Static goes for a clothesline this time, but Simon ducks under, runs to his corner, and tags in Logan! COLE Well, we have our first tag, but I wonder if Logan was expecting that? Logan, surprised by the tag, jumps into the ring, and squares off against Scotty Static. The two lock up in a collar and elbow, Logan gets a side headlock, but Static pushes him off and into the ropes. Logan comes off of the ropes, leapfrogs Scotty, Scotty tries a dropkick... but Logan holds into the ropes! Logan charges at Scotty, and drops a wicked left fist drop right to the face of Static, earning cheers from the crowd. Logan follws this up with some solid right hands and then an elbow drop, before covering Static for a 1. COLE Logan is getting the better of Scotty Static early in this match, Scotty would be itching to tag in JINGUS right about now! Logan lifts Scotty to his feet and puts Static in a front face lock, but the GPX member fights out of it, and gains the advantage back with a thumb to the eye. The referee admonishes Scotty for the move, but Static doesn't care, kicking Logan in the stomach and driving his head into his corner turnbuckle, before tagging in the monster JINGUS. COLE Wow, Logan's in trouble! JINGUS comes in and floors Logan with a hard right hand, Logan is back up quickly, so this time JINGUS lifts him off his feet and slams him right on his spine. Elbow drop by the three hundred sixty-seven pounder, cover... ONE... TWONO! Logan kicks out. Logan struggles to his feet, and tries to effect JINGUS with a right hand, but JINGUS, like any good hoss, completely no-sells it, grabs Logan, lifts him up in a Gutwrench, and rockets him to the mat with a Powerbomb, causing the majority of the audience to go 'oooooooooooh'. COLE My god, that'll shatter your spine! JINGUS walks backward, but is surprised with a tag by Scotty Static, slapping the back of the big man. JINGUS jerks his head around and stares a hole in Scotty, but Static just shrugs, and walks to about halfway across the apron. Scotty grabs the top rope with both hands, and with Logan starting to get up, readies himself for his signature move. Logan finally gets to one knee, causing Scotty Static to jump to the top rope and springboard off, flipping in a shooting star... ...but he under-rotates, and Logan captialises by hitting PERCUSSION! COACH What a counter! The DDT by Logan Mann! COLE Logan has to make a tag to "Sarcastic" Simon, but will Simon tag Logan? CABOOSE All of these guys want a shot at the OAOAST Championship. They dont' care who their partners are, they just want a shot! Logan crawls over to Simon as Scotty struggles to get to a vertical base. Logan reaches out... AND TAGS SIMON! Simon comes blistering in and catches Scotty just before he gets to tag in JINGUS. Right hands by Simon on Scotty, Irish Whip by Simon reversed by Scotty, Simon comes off of the ropes and floors Scotty with a Spinning Heel Kick! This move actaully gets cheers from the crowd, just because they really hate Scotty Static! Front face lock by "Sarcastic" Simon, and he takes Scotty Static over with a suplex, then turning around and connecting with a quick leg drop, followed by a cover! ONE... TWONO! Scotty kicks out. COLE "Sarcastic" Simon Suplexes Scotty Static! COACH I love tongue twisters! Simon right back on Scotty Static, grabbing him in a waistlock, and trying a German Suplex, but Scotty grabs the referee, using the opportunity to connect with a low blow! COLE Hey! Wasn't that on R.. COACH NO! COMPLETELY ORIGINAL! With Simon down, Scotty runs to his corner and tags in JINGUS again, who steps into the ring, before running over to the corner and knocking Logan off of the apron! Simon runs at JINGUS and tries to taking him out with a Crossbody, but JINGUS catches him in mid air! COLE Lookout! Jingus literally THORWS Simon onto his shoulders, shifts his position,a nd charges, before dropping him with a VICIOUS Burning Hammer! JINGUS stands up and coverss Simon, but Scotty Static makes the blind tag again, before venturing to the top rope! JINGUS doesn't realise and covers Simon! ...STATIC SHOCK ONTO JINGUS AND SIMON! COLE HE TOOK OUT HIS PARTNER AS WELL! THAT ASSHOLE! Static covers Simon, the referee counts... ONE!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOO!" "Make Her Say" starts up and Scotty Static gets the hell out of dodge, with JINGUS getting up from the devestating top rope finisher of the former Tag Champion. COLE Well Scotty Static and JINGUS advance to the Battle Royal, but look what Scotty did! He got his own parnter with the Static Shock as well as his opponent, and then got the pinfall! Just disgraceful! Plenty more to come on BattleBowl, including Champion versus Champion - BATISTA VERSUS AXEL! We'll be back!

OKERLUND All right, thank you Michael Cole and Coach. Now, so the audience understands, the order in which these names come out is the order in which they are paired up. And I'm going to have the lovely Maria here with me all night to draw out the names! So let's draw the first name here, and I'll read it off. *Maria draws out a name and hands the envelope to Gene.* OKERLUND The first participant will be...ALFDOGG!!! *Alf gets up and walks out of the locker room with a smirk on his face.* COLE The newly crowned Puerto Rican champion this past Thursday on HeldDOWN, the first name drawn! COACH Now Alf's another guy who you'd look at to win this thing, but we don't know how he'll work with whoever his partner is! *Maria draws the next name and hands it to Gene.* OKERLUND And Alf's partner will be...oh my goodness. None other than...ZACK MALIBU!!! *Zack slowly rises from his seat in disbelief, then makes his way to the ring after high-fiving his friends in the locker room.* COLE OH MY!!! COACH WHAT??? Are you kidding me??? Alf and Malibu??? COLE Two former World champions, right out of the gate! How are these guys going to co-exist? *Okerlund gets an envelope from Maria.* OKERLUND Their opponents will be, first...from the Global Party Exchange, JOHNNY JACKSON! *Jackson gives a high ten to Scotty and Drek before leaving the locker room.* COLE Johnny Jackson of the GPX, no love lost between any of the men drawn so far! *Another envelope is drawn by Maria.* OKERLUND Jackson's partner...CHRISTIAN WRIGHT!!! *Wright claps his hands together and makes his way through the halls followed by his bodyguard Bohemoth.* COLE OK, our first match is set, let's come back out to the ring! *Alf makes his way through the curtain and out to the ring.* COLE And here comes Alf out to the ring, is he in for a surprise when he finds out who his partner is! *Alf gets in the ring and loosens up, then suddenly stops when he sees Zack come through the curtains. Alf walks to the ropes with a "WTF" look on his face and points at Zack saying "you're my partner???" Zack gets in the ring and the two exchange words.* COACH I've got a bad feeling about this, Cole! *Johnny Jackson of the GPX makes his way down the aisle next. Alf turns his attention to Jackson and motions for him to "come on."* *Christian Wright follows him out, running to the ring. His bodyguard Bohemoth follows, walking.* COACH HERE WE GO, COLE! All four men exchange blows for a few seconds, then Alf and Zack back their men into corners. Jackson reverses the whip on Alf, but Alf catches Wright with a big clothesline! Zack runs off the ropes and clotheslines Jackson out over the top, and Alf sends Wright through the ropes with a superkick! Zack and Alf run backwards into each other and have a brief staredown as Jackson and Wright regroup on the floor. COLE So Alf and Zack actually looking pretty good as a team here in the opening minute or so! If they keep this up, there's no doubt in my mind they're on their way to the battle royal! COACH Well Cole, they look good so far, but how long will it last? I think egos have got to get in the way eventually! Christian Wright starts off for his team, while Zack and Alf have a brief argument over who should start. Eventually Zack leaves the ring, and Alf and Wright tie up. Wright is sent into the ropes, but takes Alf down with a shoulderblock. Alf kips up, then drops down again as Wright jumps over. Alf catches Wright off the ropes with a belly-to-belly suplex! COLE What a move by Alf there! Quick legdrop! Hooks the leg, into the cover, 1, 2, and a quick kickout by Christian Wright! Alf picks up Wright and brings him into his corner. He wrenches his arm, then reaches for a tag from Zack. After a couple seconds, Zack accepts, to a roar from the crowd. COLE And there's a tag between Alf and Zack Malibu! COACH I never thought I'd hear that phrase, Cole, but they're looking good, I must admit...and a little double-team coming up here! Zack comes off the middle rope with an axhandle on the arm of Christian Wright, then wrenches the arm again. He gives it a couple jerks, then goes into a Russian legsweep, rolling over for the cover, 1..2..Wright kicks out at two. Zack whips Wright hard into the corner, then catches him with a butterfly suplex! COLE Lot of strength shown by Zack there, another cover and Wright is out at two again, so Christian Wright showing a lot of resiliency here in the early going! Zack wrenches the arm of Wright once again, this time flooring him with a big kick, then tags Alf back in. Alf with a fisherman's suplex! 1..2..Wright kicks out again! Alf goes for a suplex, but Wright slips behind the back and pushes Alf into the ropes, catching him with a stun gun! Alf staggers into the WRIGHT-OFF~!!! COLE OH! Wright out of NOWHERE, catches Alf with the Wright-Off!!! Both men are down, as the referee counts... 1... 2...... 3.......... 4............. 5................ 6.................... 7........................ 8........................... ...Wright comes to his senses, and tags Johnny Jackson! COLE The first appearence of the GPX's Johnny Jackson in the match, and it couldn't have come at a better time, with Wright in trouble and Alf having just taken the Wright-Off! COACH Johnny's gonna feast on this one, and this would mean so much to him if he could score a pin on Alfdogg right here at Battlebowl! Jackson comes off the ropes and drops a big elbow on Alf! 1.. 2........... NO, Alf is able to kick out! Jackson quickly follows with a running powerslam, ala Davey boy Smith! Jackson then goes up to the second rope, and comes off with a kneedrop! COLE Oh, buried it right in the sternum of Alf there...here's a cover! 1..2..And Alf kicks out! COACH Kudos to Alf for gettin' out of THAT one, that was VERY-well executed! Jackson gets up and SPITS at Zack! Zack is enraged, and gets in the ring after Jackson, but is held back by the official. Jackson switches out with Wright, and chokes Alf with the tag rope while Wright delivers some kicks to the mid-section. As the referee questions Jackson, Wright delivers a belly-to-belly suplex to Alf! The ref turns around... 1.... 2...... NO! Alf is able to escape again. Alf is able to muster up the strength to land some punches, but Wright goes to the midsection with a knee. Wright whips Alf into the ropes, but Alf ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own! Alf hits the ropes again...but Wright's bodyguard Bohemoth trips him up! COLE Oh, and look at this! Bohemoth getting involved in the match! This guy's got no business out here! COACH Why not, Cole? He's the bodyguard, he's got just as much right to be out there as any manager does! Alf turns around and SPITS at Bohemoth, but the distraction is enough for Johnny Jackson to drill him with a clothesline from the apron! Wright goes for a cover, but Zack is in the ring distracting the official! So Bohemoth gets in the ring as Wright holds him back...but Alf gets out of the way, as Wright eats a big boot from Bo! Alf gets up, and kicks Bohemoth SQUARE IN THE BALLS~! Bo falls out of the ring holding his nuts as both men struggle to make a tag... Wright makes it to his corner to tag Jackson, and... ALF TAGS ZACK!!! COLE THE TAG IS MADE!!! LISTEN TO THIS PLACE GO NUTS!!! The crowd explodes as Zack nails both men with two clotheslines each! Zack is a HOUSE AFIRE~!!!!!11111 However, Wright and Jackson double up on Zack, then whip him into the ropes and duck their heads...Zack slams both their heads into the mat! POP DROP~ on Christian Wright!!! COLE THE POP DROP!!! THE POP DROP!!! 1............ 2.................. Jackson makes the save for his partner! Alf recovers, and hits a T-BONE suplex on Jackson! Bohemoth pulls Wright out of the ring to regroup...but Alf follows them out...with a SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP~!!!111 COACH Alf goin' for it all right here, baby! COLE What a move that was by Alf!!! And we've got a three-man pile-up on the floor as Zack battles it out with his ex-protege! Jackson goes to the eyes on Zack and backs him into a corner, driving knees into the midsection. Alf slowly rolls back into the ring as Zack pushes Jackson off, and delivers SCHOOL'S OUT~!!!!1111 but Jackson ducks, and ALF TAKES IT INSTEAD, sending him back out of the ring!!! COLE OH, NO!!! COACH UH OH, here we go Cole! I KNEW these two wouldn't be able to make it! COLE Oh stop it Coach, that was clearly an accident on Zack's part, aiming for Jackson, but Jackson was able to duck out of the way! Jackson rolls up Zack, grabbing the ropes... 1..... 2............. 3!!!!! NO!!!!! Zack still manages to kick out despite the illegal added leverage! Wright slides back into the ring for the double team as Alf SLOOOOWLY comes back to his senses on the outside. He reaches down under the ring... COACH What's Alf looking for now, Cole? COLE I have NO idea! Alf finally comes out with...THE HAM~! COACH Oh no, he's got HAM~! Alf takes a home run swing, knocking the Bohemoth senseless with THE HAM~! Zack goes for a sunset flip in the ring, and Wright eats THE HAM~! as he's coming into the ropes!!! Jackson goes for a clothesline...but Zack ducks and hits SCHOOL'S OUT~!!!!!11111 COLE And THIS time, Zack hits the right guy!!! Alf ascends the ropes from outside the ring!!! COACH Alf's goin' up, Cole! Put this baby in the books! FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH!!! 1......... 2................ 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* BUFFER Your winners, advancing to Battlebowl...the team of ALFDOGG, and ZACK MMMMMMMMMMMMMALIBUUUUUU!!!!! Zack celebrates, as Alf goes to the corner and grabs his nunchucks...then waits for Zack to turn around and nails him in the midsection! Zack is doubled over, and Alf swings down on the back of Zack with the nunchucks!!! COLE WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??? Alf attacking his partner after the match! This is TOTALLY uncalled for! COACH Hey, maybe next time Zack'll pay better attention with that kick of his! *Alf shouts profanities at the fallen Zack while pointing at his jaw, then spits on Zack and poses with the Puerto Rican title in the ring with the three fallen wrestlers as the crowd boos and "The Wall" by Kansas plays over the PA.*

I like it

According to ESPN.com, Raja Bell will sign with the Suns when the waiting period is up. First free agent to change teams thus far.

This needs updating

I'm sure neither of you have made typos before.

Top 20 2005 Free Agents Key: R = Restricted free agent | PO = Player Option | TO = Team Option 1. Ray Allen, SG, Sonics The skinny: Of the top-tier guys on the list, Allen has the best shot at leaving. He tried to work out a big extension with the Sonics all season, to no avail. The two sides essentially bickered over whether the last year of a five-year deal would be guaranteed. Allen has threatened to bolt if the Sonics don't up their offer … but where would he go? Look for the Clippers to show up at his door step at midnight on Friday. The Clippers believe Allen could make them a serious playoff contender in the West. And head coach Mike Dunleavy has the OK of owner Donald Sterling to make a big offer. Cleveland is also a possibility. If the Cavs don't land Michael Redd, Allen would be an attractive option. Allen hasn't ruled out a return to Milwaukee, either, though that happens only if Redd bolts. Allen's agent says he also expects the Hawks to show interest, though it's tough to imagine Allen being willing to join such a bad team. The rest of the teams with money will look for someone younger. All this means that if the Cavs don't come through, Allen's options will be limited to either signing with Seattle for less money or working out a sign-and-trade with the Sonics. Under those last two scenarios, the Sonics get something back in return. 2. Michael Redd, SG, Bucks (PO) skinny: On July 1, 2005, Redd might be the hottest free agent on the market. He's making just $3 million in Milwaukee this year and tried to bolt the team two summers ago when he signed a three-year offer sheet with the Dallas Mavericks. Since then, he has become one of the league's best shooters and an All-Star. He'll command a huge raise, and the Bucks are prepared to pay it. There has been talk all season that Redd would leave the Bucks for the Cavs. However, since then, Redd has given strong indications to the Bucks that his first choice is to re-sign with them as long as they give him a big deal. Still, look for the Cavs, Clips and possibly the Hawks to make a big push this summer. The Cavs could have the best chance to land him. The opportunity to return to his home state and play with LeBron might trump the extra year and bigger raises the Bucks can offer. 3. Samuel Dalembert, PF/C, 76ers ® The skinny: Of all the talented big men from the class of 2001, Dalembert is the most coveted. His breakout performance in April 2004 (12.3 ppg, 12.4 rpg, 4.8 bpg) got teams drooling. In 2004-05, his performance was all over the board, from stunning to awful. However, most NBA scouts blame former head coach Jim O'Brien more than Dalembert for the center's inconsistent numbers. In the playoffs, Dalembert redeemed himself to an extent, averaging an NBA-high 12.8 rpg in the first round against the Pistons. Dalembert has the size, athleticism and work ethic to be a force somewhere down the road. Good centers don't come along too often. When the good ones are on the free-agent market, teams usually are willing to overpay to get them. The Sixers told everyone as the trade deadline came and went that Dalembert's untouchable and that they plan to re-sign him this summer … but at what price? Sixers GM Billy King is a big fan, and made it clear after firing O'Brien and hiring Mo Cheeks that re-signing Dalembert was a top priority. The Hawks are willing to throw near-max numbers at him. The Cavs and Sonics also are interested, as are teams willing to do a sign-and-trade, such as the Dallas Mavericks and New York Knicks. Dalembert is going to get paid somewhere … the question is whether it will be in Philly. 4. Tyson Chandler, PF/C, Bulls ® The skinny: Chandler had another up-and-down season for the Bulls. He has stayed healthy, was terrific on the boards again and showed signs that he's an emerging shot blocker. But his offensive game has really stagnated. He still hasn't developed a low-post game, getting most of his shots off offensive rebounds and a nice little 10-foot jumper. However, he was very good in the playoffs, which surely will help his stock. Bulls GM John Paxson loves Chandler. He has a great work ethic both off and on the court that Paxson admires. But what will the GM pay him? Chandler's history with injuries and his limited offensive potential might keep Paxson from throwing the bank at him. Then again, with it looking more likely that Eddy Curry could leave, the Bulls don't want to lose both of these guys. Teams like Cleveland or Atlanta also are considering throwing a max-type deal Chandler's way. In the end, however, it probably would be fruitless. Paxson has said he'll match any deal for Chandler, and I believe it. He's too important to the Bulls' future, and he has the potential to turn into a Ben Wallace-type defensive force (except Chandler is five inches taller) as long as he remains healthy. 5. Larry Hughes, G, Wizards The skinny: Hughes picked a great time to have a career year. He averaged career highs in points, rebounds, assists and steals and was well on his way toward an All-Star berth before suffering a midseason injury. There's no question the Wizards want him back and will be willing to pay him. Hughes just turned 26 and seems to be in the prime of his career. The Wizards likely will have competition from the Bucks (if Redd doesn't re-sign), the Cavs and possibly the Clippers. But at the end of the day, the Wizards can offer the most money and seem inclined to do it. 6. Joe Johnson, G, Suns ® The skinny: People talk about Redd and Allen as the league's premier shooters, but what about Johnson? He ranked second in the league in 3-point percentage this season and seventh in 3-pointers made. Yes, he gets a lot of open shots considering that most defenses are preoccupied trying to contain Amare Stoudemire, Shawn Marion and Steve Nash – but Johnson has proved repeatedly that he can take over a game when needed. The fact that he's versatile enough to play backup point doesn't hurt his stock, either. The Suns want him back and own his restricted rights. Suns GM Bryan Colangelo told Insider several weeks ago that the team is prepared to match any offer for him. The recent Quentin Richardson-for-Kurt Thomas swap was made, in part, to clear up some long-term cap room to facilitate the re-signing of Johnson. The Cavs also will strongly consider Johnson if Redd doesn't sign with them. He's also likely to get some love from the Bobcats and possibly the Clippers. 7. Eddy Curry, C, Bulls ® The skinny: Curry is one of this crop's biggest enigmas. He's a talented low-post scorer who still seems to be growing as a player. But questions about his work ethic have haunted him (how can a guy his size play so many minutes and grab so few rebounds?). The relationship between Curry and the Bulls has waxed and waned considerably the past three seasons. There were several points this year when it seemed like a lock that Curry would be back in a Bulls uniform next season. Right now, his return is far short of certain. Curry had a heart problem toward the end of the season that forced him to miss the playoffs. After months of testing, Curry has been cleared by doctors to begin playing again, but in the meantime, his value might have dropped considerably. The Bulls like Curry, but owner Jerry Reinsdorf doesn't sound ready to commit to a huge guaranteed deal for him. If Curry can persuade a team such as the Cavs (LeBron has been recruiting him), Hawks, Clippers or Sonics to roll the dice and offer him a big deal, will the Bulls match? GM Paxson says yes, but it might depend on how the collective-bargaining negotiations turn out. If Curry can get a mere four-year deal somewhere else, the Bulls might be willing to take the risk. 8. Stromile Swift, PF/C, Grizzlies The skinny: Swift took the Grizzlies' one-year tender offer last summer so he'd be an unrestricted free agent this summer. Expect him to take advantage of it. The Grizzlies drafted Hakim Warrick, in part, because they know Swift is gone. He has never quite performed up to expectations in Memphis. Still, Swift has the athleticism, shot blocking and rebounding skills many teams covet. He might never be a great offensive player or a particularly smart player, but on an up-tempo team that likes to get out and run, he could be very, very good. Look for the Hawks, Hornets, Bucks and possibly the Cavs and Sonics to show interest. 9. Shareef Abdur-Rahim, PF, Blazers The skinny: Abdur-Rahim is an enigma. Every year, he puts up great stats for whatever team he's on, but he has never played on a team with a winning record. Never. The chances of his returning to Portland are slim. He knows that Zach Randolph is the Blazers' future at the four and doesn't want to keep playing out of position on one of the NBA's most dysfunctional franchises. At 28, Abdur-Rahim still has plenty of juice left. But who's going to offer him the cash? Most of the teams with money are already set at his position or are looking for someone young. A number of veteran teams – including the Nets, Timberwolves and Heat – would love to get their hands on him, but all they can offer is a mid-level exception. The Blazers might be willing to do a sign-and-trade, but given how chaotic things in Portland are right now, who knows what the team will do? 10. Zydrunas Ilgauskas, C, Cavs The skinny: It's pretty rare when an All-Star-caliber center appears on the unrestricted market, but Ilgauskas has issues. He turned 30 in June and, despite having played relatively injury-free basketball the past few seasons, he has a history of foot injuries that could scare away any team doctor. However, his ability to score in the paint and block shots makes him a coveted commodity. The Cavs want to re-sign him, but for no more than a four-year deal that pays him roughly $44 million. If Ilgauskas pushes for more, the Cavs might wait him out this summer. Like Abdur-Rahim, the Lithuanian native doesn't have many potential suitors among the teams that have cap room, and the Cavs have no interest in a sign-and-trade, closing off that avenue. If Ilgauskas has to choose between taking $5 million in the mid-level exception and taking $10 million from the Cavs, what do you think he'll choose? 11. Bobby Simmons, G/F, Clippers The skinny: Simmons stands to be one of the more coveted free agents on the market because he is an unrestricted free agent, plays for the Clippers and shouldn't break a bank account to get signed. Simmons' production made a major leap this past season. In February, he averaged 20 points per game while shooting 50 percent from the field and 57 percent from 3. He is versatile, a great rebounder for his size and one of the league's best free-throw shooters. He's a hardworking kid who just turned 25 in mid-June, so what isn't there to like about him? Clippers head coach Mike Dunleavy told Insider several weeks ago that he wants him back badly, but the Clippers are likely to get some serious competition from the Bobcats, the Hornets and possibly the Cavs. If a team offers Simmons more than the mid-level exception, however, don't be so sure the Clippers will match. Dunleavy likes him, but he's not willing to break the bank to keep him. 12. Marko Jaric, PG, Clippers ® The skinny: When Jaric has been healthy, he has looked solid. The pickings are slim at the point guard position, which should bode well for Jaric. A number of teams – including the Magic, Celtics, Bulls, Lakers, Grizzlies, Heat, Wolves, Suns, Jazz and Raptors – are interested, but none of them has more than the mid-level to make something happen. The Cavs have more to offer and are interested, but might be unwilling to lock up their cap space for seven days while they wait for the Clippers to match. Los Angeles is inclined to keep him anyway, as long as the bidding doesn't get out of control for both Jaric and Simmons, and Jaric wants to return. Dunleavy told Jaric in his exit interview that he'd have to accept that Shaun Livingston would be the Clippers' full-time point guard and that Jaric would spend most of his time at the two. That's something Jaric has bristled at in the past, but he has warmed to the idea, partly because he loves L.A. and partly because the Clippers appear to be on the verge of the playoffs. 13. Kwame Brown, PF/C, Wizards ® The skinny: Despite all of Kwame's problems, teams are still interested. In fact, since the Wizards suspended him in the playoffs, the interest has gone up. Before, many GMs felt that Washington would match any offer for Brown. Not anymore. Brown, an athletic 7-footer who's still just 23, has value. A team such as Atlanta, desperate to turn around its fortunes, might just send a significant contract his way. Brown played high school ball in Atlanta and still has a fan base there. Given the loads of cash the Hawks have to work with, they might be able to afford him, Dalembert and a point guard such as Earl Watson. 14. Vladimir Radmanovic, F, Sonics ® The skinny: Radmanovic was the leading contender to win the Sixth Man Award before breaking his leg and missing the last six weeks of the season. He was a critical component in the Sonics' unexpected run this year and has a lot of fans around the league. He'd like to get out of Seattle and move to a team willing to give him a starting role. Although there are a number of teams that would be interested, Radmanovic's problem is the competition at his position going into the summer. According to a number of teams Insider talked to, Redd, Allen, Hughes, Johnson and Simmons all rank higher on the boards of teams that have money to spend. If a number of other options fall through, teams such as Cleveland, Milwaukee and possibly Atlanta are interested. However, if those teams find help somewhere else, Radmanovic might be forced to take the mid-level exception. A number of teams would be interested in giving it to him, but at that point it's likely the Sonics would match. A sign-and-trade might be Radmanovic's best option if he wants out of town. 15. Antoine Walker, F, Celtics The skinny: Walker's re-emergence in Boston was supposed to pay off for him this summer. However, after the Celtics tanked in the first round (and Walker was less than stellar), the 29-year-old seems to be right back where he was in Atlanta. Walker put up decent numbers all season, but many teams are writing them off as meaningless. His abysmal plus/minus numbers for the Hawks, among the worst in the league, haven't helped his cause. In Walker's defense, he was a spark for the Celtics, helping Paul Pierce be happy again and making GM Danny Ainge look like a genius for about a month. But the effect was short-lived. What happens this summer? No teams with cap room will show serious interest in Walker. The Celtics might be willing to re-sign him, but not for anything near the $14 million he made this season. Cut that number to less than half, and the Celtics might start talking. Walker might have no choice but to take it or take a bigger pay cut for another team's mid-level exception (the Knicks are said to be very interested) or work out a sign-and-trade with the Celtics. 16. Antonio Daniels, PG, Sonics (PO) The skinny: Daniels was a contender for the Sixth Man Award and likely will try to bolt Seattle this summer looking for a starting gig. He has posted two solid seasons with the Sonics, is one of the best point-guard defenders in the league and has improved his jump shot. He has become increasingly comfortable as a point guard the past two seasons and should become a solid starter on a team such as the Cavs or Rockets, who are looking for more size and leadership at the position. 17. Kyle Korver, SF, 76ers ® The skinny: Korver has turned himself into one of the NBA's sweetest long-range shooters and should get a lot of attention from teams willing to use their mid-level exception. The Sixers want to keep him and can match any offer up to the mid-level. However, if a team offers more, the Sixers cannot match (they own only Korver's early Larry Bird rights). That's unlikely, though, especially with his poor performance in the playoffs. 18. Earl Watson, PG, Grizzlies The skinny: Watson remains one of the most underrated point guards in the league and should generate significant interest this summer. He has played backup to Jason Williams most of his career, but his player efficiency ratings make him, at the very least, Williams' equal. He's one of the best defensive point guards in the league, and he keeps turnovers to a minimum. He won't score a lot of points with that faulty jumper, but he definitely can run a team. Teams such as the Hawks, Bobcats, Bucks, Blazers, Cavs, Jazz, Rockets and Magic all have shown interest. Memphis won't be able to re-sign Watson unless West finds a taker for Jason Williams (who is being shopped hard by the Grizzlies). Given Watson's desire to be a starter, it's unlikely he would choose to re-up with Memphis unless Williams were traded. 19. Sarunas Jasikevicius, PG, Maccabi Tel Aviv The skinny: Jasikevicius is the best point guard playing in Europe and has led his team to three straight Euroleague Championships. The former Maryland star is an incredible passer, has deep range on his jumper, and plays with lots of emotion and grit. If he were more athletic, a better defender and four or five years younger (he's 29), he'd be near the top of the list. As it stands, he'd be a great mid-level pickup for a team trying to compete for a championship. A number of teams have shown interest, but the rumor is that the Pacers are leading the pack. 20. Donyell Marshall, F, Raptors The skinny: Marshall became one of the most coveted guys on the trading block this past fall and likely will get a lot of interest (for the mid-level exception) from the same teams that pursued him then: the Bulls, Rockets, Heat and Sixers. 21. Udonis Haslem, PF, Heat ® The skinny: The Heat are worried that Haslem, a restricted free agent, might get an offer that exceeds the mid-level exception from a team such as the Cavs or Hawks. If he does, Miami won't be able to match. That's why it drafted Wayne Simien on Wednesday night as insurance. While Haslem is coming off a good season, a contract starting at more than $4 million a year would seem excessive. Had he not been playing next to Shaq, his numbers probably would not have been as high. 22. Damon Stoudamire, PG, Blazers The skinny: He had another up-and-down season for the Blazers, and his run in Portland is likely at an end. Still, Stoudamire would be a great mid-level pickup for a team that needs a solid backup combo guard who can shoot the ball. 23. Gary Payton, PG, Celtics The skinny: It has become evident that the Celtics are unlikely to bring back Payton next season. He still has some juice in the tank and would be a solid addition on a team that needs some veteran help at the point. Don't be surprised if the Sonics make a run at him should they decide to spend some money this summer and re-sign their free agents. The Wolves and the Heat also are options for Payton. 24. Jerome James, C, Sonics The skinny: After James played terribly all season, it looked as though his run in the NBA was in jeopardy. However, a solid postseason in which he averaged 12.5 ppg and 6.8 rpg really resurrected his stock. No one will break the bank for James, but a veteran team in desperate need of some size (such as the Knicks, Grizzlies and Suns) might spend up to the mid-level exception and give him another chance. 25. Dan Dickau, PG, Hornets The skinny:With Chris Paul headed to New Orleans, Dickau has to search for a new home. Dickau was unexpectedly solid for the Hornets this season, averaging 13.3 ppg and 5.2 apg. Best of the rest Player/Team Option: Darius Songaila, F, Kings (PO); Cuttino Mobley, SG, Kings (PO); Bonzi Wells, SG, Grizzlies (TO); Nick Van Exel, PG, Blazers (TO); Devean George, SF, Lakers (PO) Unrestricted: Latrell Sprewell, SG, Timberwolves; Jeff McInnis, PG, Cavs; Chris Anderson, PF/C, Hornets; Dale Davis, C, Pacers; Kerry Kittles, SG, Clippers; Robert Traylor, PF/C, Cavs; Glenn Robinson, SF, Spurs; Jahidi White, C, Bobcats; Bo Outlaw, F, Grizzlies; Ervin Johnson, C, Timberwolves; Raja Bell, G/F, Jazz; Mark Madsen, F, Timberwolves; Tyronn Lue, PG, Rockets; Darrell Armstrong, PG, Mavericks Clifford Robinson, F, Nets; Greg Buckner, G, Nuggets Restricted: Gerald Wallace, G/F, Bobcats; Dan Gadzuric, C, Bucks; Zaza Pachulia, C, Bucks; Reggie Evans, F, Sonics; Ronald Murray, G, Sonics; Luke Walton, F, Lakers; Jason Kapono, F, Bobcats; Willie Green, G, Sixers; Matt Bonner, F, Raptors European Free Agents: Maceo Baston, PF, Maccabi Tel Aviv; Arvydas Macijauskas, SG, TAU Vitoria; Anthony Parker, SG/SF, Maccabi Tel Aviv; Travis Hansen, SG/SF, TAU Vitoria; Nikola Vujcic, C, Maccabi Tel Aviv; Jose Manuel Calderon, PG, Tau Vitoria; Dimitris Diamantidis, PG, Panathinaikos; Demos Dikoudis, SF, CSKA Moscow Chad Ford covers the NBA for ESPN Insider.

Come on, his last name is Wafer. Wouldn't you have an attitude problem by the time you were his age?

Wasn't Glen Rice on one of those championship teams as well? Rice was a starter though, Richmond played about 10 minutes a game and averaged four points.

Assuming NYU has everyone's PPV matches by then, of course. I call main event for this week.

And Mitch Richmond, forgot he was on their last championship team.

John Salley for the Lakers as well.

For the record, here's the whole '96 one Actual (Team) Re-do 1. Allen Iverson (Phi) Kobe Bryant 2. Marcus Camby (Tor) Allen Iverson 3. Shareef Abdur-Rahim (Van) Ray Allen 4. Stephon Marbury (Mil) Jermaine O'Neal 5. Ray Allen (Min) Stephon Marbury 6. Antoine Walker (Bos) Shareef Abdur-Rahim 7. Lorenzen Wright (LAC) Steve Nash 8. Kerry Kittles (NJ) Peja Stojakovic 9. Samaki Walker (Dal) Ben Wallace 10. Erick Dampier (Ind) Zydrunas Ilgauskas 11. Todd Fuller (GS) Antoine Walker 12. Vitaly Potapenko (Cle) Marcus Camby 13. Kobe Bryant (Cha) Kerry Kittles EDIT: For the record, this is from ESPN.com, not mine.

He was the star of one of the top 10 teams of this era. Outside of Rick Smits ( and Detlef for a quick second before that retarded trade) he was pretty much the teams offense. I mean is arguable, but a NO WAY is a little strong. I just noticed this. Derrick McKey was one of the underrated defenders of the time, IMO. We had pretty much no perimeter defense whatsoever before he came along (and an 8 1/2 point turnaround in points allowed per game his first year). I'm not going to shit on that trade at all.

No, I actually stole this one directly from you at NMB.

The Pho-NY trade is finally done. Here is the exact trade Phoenix gets Kurt Thomas Draft rights to #54 Dijon Thompson New York gets Quentin Richardson Draft rights to #21 Nate Robinson

And while we're talking about the draft, I have to post this

I WASN'T SERIOUS ABOUT THIS YOU GUYS.

And Chris Thomas went undrafted, too.

How did Bracey fall this far, anyway.

ESPN NO SELLS THE PICK OF IU'S BRACEY WRIGHT BY MINNESOTA. GOD DAMN YOU ESPN