Ed Wood Caulfield

Is the crowd chanting "LAX!" and "3D SUCKS!"?

Yup, Lindsay's got a storyline brewing. 3 segments concerning her for tonight's show. Here's the first one. Place it after the first match or the first segment, whatever. The camera cuts to The Lightning Crew dressing room where Stephen Joseph Popick is at. He’s just standing there, doing nothing really, when "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican opens the door and enters the room, a magazine in his hands. The crowd boos. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Yo, Popick! Popick! Yo! Check out Lindsay in this months issue of OAOAST Magazine! The camera does a close-up of one of Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez’s photos in this months OAOAST Magazine. The crowd cheers. [IMG=http://skye.cc/gallery/albums/Assets/016_G_001.jpg] PRL Yeah. The sweater was my idea. Those puppies are gonna stay covered. But I allowed her to show off her fine sexy legs. Ain’t my future wife the new hotness? HA HA! Popick doesn’t look too pleased. PRL Popick, what’s wrong? You don’t think Lindsay looks hot? You haven’t gone gay on me, have you? (Not that there’s anything wrong with that) STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK P.R., whens the last time Lindsay wrestled a match? PRL Uh...I dunno. 2005, I guess? POPICK Right. And whens the last time she WON a match? PRL Ummm...uhh....err.... POPICK EXACTLY! Lindsay hasn’t been improving her wrestling skills like she said she would! Instead, she’s been doing meaningless photoshoots like THIS for 14-year-old boys to whack off to! PRL And Thomas. POPICK Right, and Thomas Rodriguez. PRL So? What’s your point? POPICK My point is, that, if you want The Lightning Crew to truly be a force to be reckon with in the OAOAST, we need wrestlers who can dominate in every division, every field possible. We need a dominant heavyweight, which we got in you-- PRL Thank you! POPICK We need a dominant tag team, which we got in Brains & Brawn. We need a dominant technical wrestler, which we got in Vitamin X. We need a dominant big man, and we got TWO of them in Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall. And we need a dominant female to rule the Women’s Division. I want Lindsay to be that dominant female...because there’s no chance in hell of Princess Stacey becoming anything other than barely decent. Believe me, I’ve seen her train. PRL (nodding his head) Mmm hmmm. POPICK So, we, the both of us, have to tell Lindsay that she’s gotta stop thinking about how good her ass looks in a pair of jeans, and start thinking of how good her Lindsay-curana looks. Lindsay’s gotta start concentrating on wrestling now. And hey, AngleMania VI is coming up soon. Wouldn’t it be great, if at AngleMania, you and Lindsay stood side by side, you with the X-Division Title, Lindsay with the Women’s Title? PRL Yeah. I like that. POPICK You guys are getting married soon. Don’t you want to become husband and wife AND the Golden Couple of the OAOAST? PRL Yeah. Yeah! YEAH! I do! I do! POPICK Good. I’m glad to hear that. So, let’s go talk to Lindsay and tell her what we want her to do. PRL All right, Popick! Thanks, man. I knew you would do good as my "Career Consultant". POPICK Not only am I your "Career Consultant", I am also The Lightning Crew’s "Career Consultant". PRL Rock on! Popick stares at PRL. PRL Sorry, that just slipped out. POPICK Riiiighht. Let’s go. PRL Okay! Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick leave The Lightning Crew dressing room. The crowd boos. The door slams as we head to commercial break. [b]FADE OUT[/b] [b]Commercial break[/b] Next up, Segment #2. Place sometime after the above segment, preferably after the second match on the show. The camera cuts back to The Lightning Crew dressing room where Stephen Joseph Popick and "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican are sitting on the sofa with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. Lindsay is thinking something over. MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ So, you want me to start thinking about my wrestling career? STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Yes, Lindsay! Do this for The Lightning Crew! LINDSAY Well... "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Lindsay, think about it. What better way to begin our life as husband and wife then as Champions? We could be the GOLDEN Couple of the OAOAST? Huh? Wouldn’t that be so sweet? Huh? Wouldn’t it? Huh? LINDSAY Hmmm... Lindsay stands up and looks at P.R./Popick. LINDSAY All right! I’ll do it! I’m gonna win the Women’s Title! I’m gonna march up to Ashley Street right now and demand a title shot! PRL All right, Lindsay! That’s what I want to hear! Go get her, Lindsay! HA! HA! HA! HA! MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ Yeah! Thanks P.R.! Lindsay kisses P.R. LINDSAY You too, Popick! Lindsay hugs Popick. POPICK Hey, anytime! LINDSAY All right. See you guys, later! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez walks away. Popick and PRL watch her walk out the door. Popick smiles. PRL looks at him. PRL Hey, you weren’t staring at her ass, were you? POPICK What!? Oh...er...ummm...no. No. No! Of course not! No! She’s your girl! I know that! No! No! No! No. No! PRL Okay. Just checking! POPICK (under his breath) Whew. Popick breathes a sigh of relief. PRL continues staring at the door. This is the last thing we see before we fade out. [b]FADE OUT[/b] [b]* COMMERCIAL BREAK *[/b] And here's the last segment. Place it sometime during the middle of the show, please. The camera cuts to the backstage area where Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is walking. Lindsay knocks on the door to the OAOAST Women’s lockerroom. When nobody answers, Lindsay knocks harder. Finally, she just goes ahead and opens the door, storming into the room to find Ashley Street doing some stretching on the floor. She stops her stretching once Lindsay arrives, and the two women stand face-to-face. MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ Listen here, BRUTA! I want to talk to you! ASHLEY STREET Ah, I know who you are. You’re Lindsay Gonzalez. The Lightning Crew’s hooker. LINDSAY That’s MISS Lindsay Gonzalez to you, and how DARE you insulate that I’m a hooker, you ¡perra estúpida! ASHLEY You going somewhere with this? LINDSAY Yeah. I want a shot at your title! Name the time and the place and I’m there! Ashley chuckles. LINDSAY What? What’s so funny!? ASHLEY You! You barge in here, demanding a title shot, after doing dilly squat your entire career, and you expect me to give it to you? I’ve spent the past year defending this Title around the world, becoming the longest reigning Women’s Champion in OAOAST history! What have you done in the past year? Posed in slutty outfits for magazines? LINDSAY I’m proud of my body, and I like to show it off! So don’t you dare criticize me, cuz you ain’t mah daddy! Now give me a title shot, NOW! ASHLEY How about...no! So, why don’t you and your implants take a walk on out of here, and leave the REAL women wrestlers alone! LINDSAY Why you-- Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez SLAPS Ashley Street across her right cheek! ASHLEY BITCH! Ashley spears Lindsay down, and the two girls get into a catfight! The crowd cheers! COACH Yes! Yes! Oh God, yes! Lindsay and Ashley tussle around on the floor, until the other women wrestlers come and break them up. It takes several of the wrestlers to hold Lindsay and Ashley respectively. The crowd boos! LINDSAY COME ON! COME ON! LET ME GO! I WANT SOME! I WANT SOME! LET’S GO CHICA! BRING IT ON! (Cut to Sofa Central with Double C.) COACH Yes! I love it! CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT! Cole slaps Coach upside the head! COLE Snap out of it! COACH Sorry! I can’t help it! I love a good catfight! Oh! Clothes flying! T&A! Oh God! I can’t take it! I can’t take it! Cole slaps Coach upside the head! He does it again! And again! And again! And again! And again! COLE I’m doing this for your own good, Coach! Cole finally stops bitchslapping Coach. Coach just stands there stunned. COLE All righty then. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez wants to become the Women’s Champion, but Ashley’s not gonna just give her a title shot just cuz. She-- Michael Cole is suddenly handed a note from an off screen producer. COLE Uh...thanks Marty. What’s this? (Cole reads the note) Well, word travels fast here in the OAOAST! Straight from AngleSault’s office, he has made a #1 Contenders Match for the OAOAST Women’s Championship this Saturday on Syndicated, pitting Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez against Confusia! COACH That’s a former Women’s Champion Lindsay is facing! COLE That’s right, and the same woman that Ashley beat to win the Title in February of *last* year! COACH That match actually happened? COLE Yes. And Pat Paterson actually won the WWF Intercontinental Title in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. COACH Oh. I got’cha. COLE Anyway, another match added to OAOAST Syndicated this Saturday! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, the 1st Lady Of The Lightning Crew, will take on Confusia with the winner to go on to AngleMania VI on April 1st to challenge Ashley Street for the OAOAST Women’s Championship! COACH Lindsay’s Road To AngleMania VI begins on February 24th! I can’t wait! COLE Right now, let’s go to...

Anybody seen Alfdogg?

-FIRST ROUND MATCH IN THE TOURNAMENT FOR THE VACANT OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP Vitamin X (with Princess Stacey) vs. James Blonde -PRL segment -Lightning Crew segment -Lightning Crew segment

Did Batista just turn heel?

They still insist that WrestleMania VII was moved from the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum because of a bomb threat. I know the WWE has told alot of lies, but to me, that's their second biggest lie, behind the Pontiac Silverdome being filled with 93,173 people for WrestleMania III. Watching the Legends show, it was cool seeing even just a *little* bit of a commercial for WrestleMania VII at the L.A. Coliseum. I barely remember any WWF TV from 1990-1991, but from what I've seen and heard, Vince REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted WrestleMania VII to sell out the Coliseum. So much so that he started advertising WrestleMania VII AT WrestleMania VI. Now adays, the only advertising I've actually seen left from WrestleMania VII are a poster annoucning the location and a pin on eBay that has the L.A. Memorial Coliseum on it. I would love to see some old commercials for the show where they talk about it taking place from the Coliseum. I have this warped interest in watching Vince's dreams get crushed.

Place before the Spanish Fly/Jay Richards match, preferably in the middle of the show. HeldDOWN~! returns from commercial break with Dance Dance Dragon already in the ring, dancing to "Hung Up" by Madonna. COLE Back on HeldDOWN~!, and fans, we are about to begin the next First Round Match In The Tournament For The Vacant OAOAST X-Division Championship! Dance Dance Dragon takes on "La Cicatriz" Ramone Juan Jesus Gutierez! COACH This should be interesting. Talk about a mismatch! Ramone vs. THE DRAGON!? Ha! Whoever set up the brackets should be given a raise. What an easy victory this will be for "La Cicatriz"! COLE Well, let’s just see, Coach. DDD hasn’t been given alot of time to show his stuff. Perhaps this tournament could be his breakthrough? COACH HA! HA! Let’s just get on with it! "Hung Up" by Madonna dies down. Dance Dance Dragon bounces off the ropes and looks to the entrance. A cool, suave Cuban bossa nova song begins playing. The crowd boos. The entrance doors slide open, and Ramone Juan Jesus Gutierez comes out. The boos get louder. Gutierez has a cocky smirk on his face. He raises his hands in the air, garnering more boos. Gutierez walks down the entrance ramp as his entrance theme continues playing. BUFFER And his opponent. From Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 200 lbs. He is "La Cicatriz" RAMONE JUAN JESUS GUTIIIIIIEEERRRREEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Ramone speaks in Spanish directly to the camera as he continues making his way to the ring, calm, cool, cocky, and confident. He walks with a swagger in his step. COLE Ramone Juan Jesus Gutierez is in it to win it in this tournament. An OAOAST rookie, Ramone could make a huge splash by winning his first OAOAST title in less than 8 months! COACH Ramone has a bright future ahead of him. We’ve already seen that he can go many times in the past. Now, his hard work will be rewarded with a title in the form of the X-Division Championship! Ramone just has to give this scrub either the Ramone’s Way or The Switchblade and he’ll move on, conquering 3 more scrubs on the way to winning the X-Division Title! Ramone jaws with some fans at ringside and then climbs the ring steps, then enters the ring. COLE We are 45 days away from finding out who’ll be the next superstar to wear the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt! The tournament continues as two young superstars go at it in First Round action! Speaking of the tournament, here’s some comments made earlier from "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican! "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican appears in a little box on the right hand corner of the screen, standing in front of the OAOAST HeldDOWN~! interview set. PRL is wearing sunglasses, his Puerto Rican flag bandana, an earring on his left ear, a gold chain around his neck, and a blue dress shirt that’s unbuttoned. PRL sneers before he speaks. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Greetings, all you pieces of trailer park trash! It is I! YOUR CORPORATE Champion, Tha Puerto Rican! Now I know you are all disappointed that I’m not here on HeldDOWN~! this week, but you see, I have to start making wedding plans with my girl, Lindsay! But don’t fret, Lightning Bolts. The Corporate Champ WILL be here NEXT WEEK! And as for the tournament, I only have three words: JUST BRING IT! It doesn’t matter who Tha Puerto Rican faces, it doesn’t matter how many matches I must have. The fact of the matter is this: come hell or high water, Tha Puerto Rican will beat each and every jabroni you throw at me, and I WILL leave AngleMania VI on April the 1st as the NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Champion! I’ve already begun. Defeating Kenji ffkjdfjfklds in the First Round. Now onto Dan Black, the so-called OAOAST ’legend’ on February 24th at OAOAST Syndicated, and then, there will be 2 more left. And whoever those 2 jabronies are, they better get ready. Because Tha Puerto Rican is gonna come charging like a bull and giving them a Corporate Nightmare! So watch out for the lightning strikes, because this tournament belongs to me! And that’s the truth, Ruth! THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~! PRL does the Corporate Eyebrow. He then sneers at the camera. The promo ends. COACH He’s so powerful! He’s a favourite to win! COLE He certainly is, Coach. Tha Puerto Rican to take on "The Ice Heart" Dan Black on February 24th at OAOAST Syndicated. The first Quarterfinal Match-up in the X-Division Tournament. But before we get to that, we must first find out who’ll also advance to the Quarterfinals continuing with this match tonight. COACH Dragon’s screwed. Ramone Juan Jesus Gutierez poses in the center of the ring. The crowd boos loudly. Ramone smiles evilly. Dance Dance Dragon looks at his opponent. Gutierez takes off his very expensive looking black and gold vest, black designer shades, and his Rolex watch, handing the Rolex watch over to a ringside attendant, telling him to watch it (get it? Watch. Watch.). Ramone looks at his opponent for tonight and laughs. COLE Ramone better be careful not to get overconfident. This is a single elimination tournament. One loss and he’s gone! COACH Sure. But come on. I think he can be overconfident for this match. COLE Careful though. His overconfidence may hurt him! Ramone Juan Jesus Gutierez has a smirk on his face. Dance Dance Dragon stands at a turnbuckle corner. Referee Rudy Charles pats down Ramone Juan Jesus Gutierez, and then pats down Dance Dance Dragon. He then calls for the bell as Ramone’s cool, suave Cuban bossa nova theme song dies down. *DING DING DING* [b]FIRST ROUND MATCH IN THE TOURNAMENT FOR THE VACANT OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP DANCE DANCE DRAGON vs. RAMONE JUAN JESUS GUTIEREZ[/b] Dance Dance Dragon and Ramone Juan Jesus Gutierez stare each other down. The two men circle each other. They lock up. Ramone shoves DDD onto the mat! He then poses. The crowd boos. COLE And Gutierez showcasing his power right now! COACH Heh. Dragon has no chance. Ramone motions for Triple D to get up. DDD gets up. Dragon and Ramone circle each other once again. They lock up. They jockey for position. Gutierez knees Dragon in the gut. He then punches Dragon in the face! He does it again! And again! And a fourth time! Gutierez chops Dragon across the chest! ("WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!") *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ramone grabs Dragon and whips him into the ropes. Back elbow sends Triple D down to the mat! Ramone goes for the cover. ONE! TWO! COLE And Ramone Gutierez absolutely dominant in the early portion of this match, not allowing Dragon any offense! Ramone has a smirk on his face as he picks Dance Dance Dragon up. He gives Dragon a vertical suplex. Cover. It gets two! “La Cicatriz” picks Dragon up by his mask and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes, following up with a dropkick! Ramone picks Dragon up again, and gives him a back suplex! He then chokes Dragon with his bare hands! The crowd boos! COLE Now come on! Is this even necessary? COACH Yes. Rudy Charles orders Ramone to break it up. So, he does. The crowd boos some more. Gutierez gets up...and slaps Dragon upside the head! He does it a few times while yelling at Triple D in Spanish. COLE Ramone is just enjoying himself now! COACH He can do that. It’s a free country! Ramone is in control and he knows it baby! HA HA! COLE Dragon’s gotta get things going if he wants to advance! Ramone has just dominated since the bell sounded! Ramone Juan Jesus Gutierez slaps Dance Dance Dragon upside the head again and again! "La Cicatriz" picks Dragon up by his mask, and whips him into a turnbuckle corner. Ramone charges forward--- ---DRAGON MOVES OUT OF THE WAY! ---AND RAMONE HITS THE TURNBUCKLE STERNUM FIRST! COLE Whoa! Dragon moved out of the way just in time! COACH What the hell!? Ramone is stunned. The crowd is starting to come alive. Dance Dance Dragon picks Ramone Juan Jesus Gutierez by his hair and lifts him up onto his shoulders... ...giving him the MUSCLE BUSSSTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH~! COLE Bemani Buster! Bemani Buster! Dragon just gave Ramone his finishing move! COACH He has a finishing move!? The crowd cheers loudly. Dance Dance Dragon covers Ramone Juan Jesus Gutierez, hooking his legs. Referee Rudy Charles counts. The crowd counts along. 1... 2.... 2.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (3:21) COACH OMGWTFBBQ~!?!?!?!? COLE He did it! He actually did it! Dance Dance Dragon is shocked! Rudy Charles raises Triple D’s hands. "Hung Up" by Madonna starts playing as Dance Dance Dragon leaves the ring, still surprised at his victory. Ramone lies on the mat, in pain from the Bemani Buster. BUFFER Here is your winner...and moving onto the Quarterfinals of the tournament...DANCE DANCE DRAGOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Dragon pumps his fist as if to say, "YES!" He raises his hands on the outside and then walks up the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way as "Hung Up" continues playing. COLE What an upset! The heavily favoured Ramone Juan Jesus Gutierez has been ELIMINATED from the X-Division tournament! Dance Dance Dragon is moving onto the Quarterfinals to take on either Spanish Fly or Jay Richards! COACH What the hell? How is this even happening!? DANCE DANCE DRAGON is moving onto the Quarterfinals!?!? DANCE DANCE DRAGON!? The goofball who dresses like a dragon and plays Dance Dance Revolution!? HE is moving on!? Not Ramone! But DRAGON!? COLE Anything can happen in the One And Only AngleSault Thread, Coach! And this is proof! We have just witnessed the Ultimate Upset! Dance Dance Dragon, the longshot in this tournament, has just beaten one man in this tournament. He’s 3 victories away from the X-Division Title! COACH Oh my God. You gotta be kidding! Dance Dance Dragon? If Dance Dance Dragon wins the X-Division Championship at AngleMania VI...oh Lord. Then the OAOAST has sunk to a new low. COLE Oh come on, Coach! DDD jumps up and down on the entrance stage. The crowd cheers loudly. Dragon exits through the sliding doors. Ramone Gutierez is sitting up, surprised. COACH No, seriously, DANCE DANCE DRAGON!? COLE Coach, it’s happened! Ramone is GONE! Dance Dance Dragon is STILL in the tournament! Let’s take a look at the updated brackets. A graphic appears on screen showing the updated brackets for the tournament for the vacant OAOAST X-Division Championship thus far. "Hung Up" by Madonna continues playing. [U][b]FIRST ROUND[/b][/U] [b]"The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican vs. Kenji Kawada - PRL[/b] [b]"After Hours" Felix Strutter vs. "Ice Heart" Dan Black - Black[/b] [b]Otaku II vs. James Riggs - Riggs[/b] [b]Jamie O' Hara vs. Reject - Reject[/b] [b]Spanish Fly vs. Jay Richards[/b] [b]Dance Dance Dragon vs. Ramone Juan Jesus Guetierez - DDD[/b] [b]Vitamin X vs. James Blonde[/b] [b]Longdogger Pete vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix[/b] [u][b]QUARTER-FINALS[/b][/u] [b]"The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican vs. "Ice Heart" Dan Black[/b] [b]James Riggs vs. Reject[/b] ??? [b]vs. Dance Dance Dragon[/b] COLE The Quarterfinals are starting to shape up. PRL, Dan Black, James Riggs, Reject, and now, Dance Dance Dragon, have moved onto the next round! Later on tonight, we will find out who Dragon faces on the March 8th HeldDOWN~! as Spanish Fly takes on Jay Richards! And then next week, the two final First Round Matches as the returning Longdogger Pete takes on Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix, and Vitamin X takes on James Blonde! COACH The tournament can still be salvaged! If Prince Vitamin or PRL make it to the Finals, it’s all good! COLE Let’s not count our chickens before they hatch, Coach. We still got a long way to go in this tournament. Remember, AngleMania VI is still 45 days away! COACH That’s why I invented my time machine! COLE You don’t have a time machine. COACH I know. COLE Ugh. Anyway fans, we’ll be right back right after this! Dance Dance Dragon continues on in his Road To AngleMania VI, while Ramone Juan Jesus Gutierez is OUT of the tournament! The Ultimate Upset! Ramone Juan Jesus Gutierez is up in the ring. He is still shocked. But his shock turns to anger as he kicks the bottom rope and curses in Spanish. "Hung Up" by Madonna continues playing as we fade out on Ramone yelling in Spanish while the fans cheer. [b]FADE OUT[/b] [b]* COMMERCIAL BREAK *[/b]

-FIRST ROUND MATCH IN THE TOURNAMENT FOR THE VACANT OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP Dance Dance Dragon vs. Ramone Juan Jesus Guetierez Spanish Fly vs Jay Richards -PRL promo

To be placed immediatley following the James Riggs/Otaku II match. *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* COLE What? A lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing over the P.A. system with the crowd standing up and booing. COACH We are about to be joined by The Corporate Champ! PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage, and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and out from the curtains and through the smoke come "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican AND his girlfriend, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. The crowds boos get louder. COLE PRL and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez are here? But for what? PRL doesn't have to wrestle again until OAOAST Syndicated! COACH Lindsay is here. Why are you still complaining? COLE Because it makes no sense. COACH Shut up and just oogle her. PRL is in his suit and tie, while Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is wearing a gold necklace with her name on it, a red leather tanktop, black bracelets on both wrists, black tights, and black heel boots. PRL and Lindsay are holding hands, with PRL holding a microphone in his right hand. Both of them are smiling. P.R. brings the microphone to his lips. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Would you please cut the music? "Know Your Role '99" dies down. The crowd is still booing. PR and Lindsay look at the crowd and smile. COLE That was awfully polite of him. "ASSSSSSS-HOLE!" "ASSSSSSS-HOLE!" "ASSSSSSS-HOLE!" "ASSSSSSS-HOLE!" PRL ignores the chant, instead just continuing to smile. Lindsay looks at him with those lovey dovey eyes. COLE Why are they out here? COACH Would you please be quiet!? PRL Now, all you pieces of trailer park trash... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" PRL I, The Corporate Champion, have a special announcement to make. "P.R. SUCKS!" "P.R. SUCKS!" "P.R. SUCKS!" "P.R. SUCKS!" PRL And if you would just SHUT UP I will tell you! The crowd boos again. PRL sneers at the crowd, but then quickly smiles again. PRL Now then, I have something special to announce. A BIG announcement. (PR looks at Lindsay) You see, a few minutes ago, in the back, I asked Lindsay to do something very...very...special for me. I asked her something and I hoped that she would say 'Yes' because it would mean the world to me. I got down on my knees and--well...let's just say it together. MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ Okay! PRL Okay. You ready? LINDSAY I'm ready. PRL You sure. LINDSAY I'm sure. PRL Ok. LINDSAY Okay. COLE Just get on with it! COACH Don't rush them! PRL Okay. On three, we'll say it. Okay? LINDSAY Okay. PRL Okay. On three. 1. 2. 3. PRL & LINDSAY WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!! The crowd BOOS! Puerto Rican and Lindsay hug each other and kiss on the lips. COACH They're getting married? How wonderful! This is so great! I love it! PRL and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez are going to become husband and wife! Isn't that romantic? COLE Not really. COACH Don't try to be a spoil sport! This is a great moment! Enjoy it, bitch! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez takes the microphone. LINDSAY And you thought it wouldn't last! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! PRL kisses Lindsay. PRL We're getting married and THAT'S the truth, Ruth! Now, MAZEL TOV! "Hava Nagela" begins playing. The crowd still boos. Tha Puerto Rican and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez make out on the entrance stage. They then dance. COLE PRL and Lindsay Gonzalez are getting married apparently in a temple. COACH Yeah. You didn't know that? COLE I didn't even know he's Jewish! COACH Well he is! He's Puerto Rican, but he's a practicing Jew. COLE So, he should be called Tha Jewish Rican then, right? COACH Don't be a smartass, Cole. COLE What? COACH You heard me. COLE Ugh. Anyway, congradulations and Mazel Tov to Tha Puerto Rican and his fiancee, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. Lindsay shows off her engagement ring. It's pretty impressive. COACH Mazel Tov, PR! COLE Yeah. Anyway, folks, we'll be right back right after this. Jewish Rican Lightning? COACH No. "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez dance on the entrance stage to "Hava Nagela". PRL shows off his engagement ring to the camera. PRL and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez laugh manically while the crowd boos. THA PUERTO RICAN Kiss the ring, BITCH~! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! P.R. and Lindsay kiss. This is the last image we see as we go to a commercial break. [b]* COMMERCIAL BREAK *[/b]

-FINAL MATCH IN THE TOURNAMENT FOR THE VACANT OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican (with Stephen Joseph Popick and a special guest) vs. Dance Dance Dragon SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE: "The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels -OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP Ashley Street (Champion) vs. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez (Challenger with Princess Stacey) -3-ON-2 HANDICAP MATCH Caboose & Some Guy vs. Vitamin X, Mr. Boricua, & The Bone Thug (with Princess Stacey)

Tom Green was supposed to be revealed as the man behind GTV back in '99. Vince didn't know who Tom Green was, so GTV was dropped without explanation.

Count me in.

The next King Of The Ring has to be a face so Booker can fight him over the crown. You think Booker's just gonna quitely hand the crown over to the next King Of The Ring? He's a heel. He's gonna fight to keep it.

-FIRST ROUND MATCHES IN THE TOURNAMENT FOR THE VACANT OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP James Riggs (with Staci) vs. Otaku II (with Ayane Mitsui and "The Sheriff" Tony Capella) Jamie O'Hara vs Reject

-QUARTERFINALS MATCH IN THE TOURNAMENT FOR THE VACANT OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican (with Stephen Joseph Popick) vs. "The Ice Heart" Dan Black -#1 CONTENDERS MATCH FOR THE OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez (with Princess Stacey) vs. Confusia -PRL promo with a very special announcement -And I'll have something else important

It's up. It's posted. So, enjoy!

I'll have my match done by midnight.

I'm the exact opposite. I hated Too Much, but freaking loved Too Cool. I marked out everytime they danced. I was a hardcore WWF mark. Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake Tatanka Kona Crush Hulk Hogan The Bushwhackers Lex Luger And in WCW, I was a HUGE Wolfpac fan. I still got my red and black nWo T-shirt. They just looked like a cooler version of the nWo. I liked the theme song too. Luger, Sting, Nash, Konnan, Macho Man when he was there. I absolutely loved them. And I despised Chris Jericho too!

I would like it if this segment opened HeldDOWN~!. Put it before the opening credits, please. The camera cuts to an office where OAOAST President Bill Watts is sitting. BILL WATTS Good evening. As you know, last Sunday at Anglepalooza, there was some controversy in the X-Division Championship Match between Reject and "The Birmingham Bad Boy" Jamie O' Hara. Reject originally got the pinfall, however O' Hara's foot was on the bottom rope, which meant that the pinfall did not count. THEN, O' Hara got the pinfall, but Reject put *his* foot on the bottom rope. The referee did not notice this, and O' Hara became the OAOAST X-Division Champion that night at Anglepalooza. Now, OAOAST officials have reviewed the tape of this match, and it has been decided that since Reject had his foot on the bottom rope at the time of the pinfall...then the pinfall DOES NOT count, and therefore, Jamie O' Hara is NOT the OAOAST X-Division Champion! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" WATTS HOWEVER, Reject is ALSO not the X-Division Champion. Instead, the OAOAST Board Of Directors have decided to declare the title VACANT. And starting tonight right here on HeldDOWN~!, there is going to be...a 16-man tournament for the vacant One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Championship. The 16 men have already been chosen, and earlier today, the brackets were set up randomly. The tournament will take place over the next two months, with the finals to be held at AngleMania VI on April 1st. Good luck to all 16 men in the tournament, and may the best man win. The first First Round Match In The Tournament For The Vacant OAOAST X-Division Championship starts...now! ***PLACE HELDDOWN~! LOGO HERE***

I had some difficulty with some of the transitions. Like the OAOASTShop commercial before the Zack/Bruce match. That was a last minute thing. So was the pre-Lethal Rumble segments. The Venom returns segment taking place before the Rumble was one of the first things I thought of, as I thought that there needed to be a break between the Zack/Bruce match and the Lethal Rumble, as they were the two big marquee matches on the card.

Man, oh man. I loved, Loved, LOVED this show! Best Anglepalooza ever, no doubt about it! I read the entire thing, and I loved all of it. The matches. The segments. It was all marvelous! -"The Lone Wolf" James Wolfenstein vs. Gibraltar (with Saint Andrew): Good choice for the opening match. I liked how James came out to Ludacris' "Move Bitch". That one really surprised me. He comes out to Metallica all this time, and then BAM! He's out to a Ludacris song! This was a nice brawl, that was disappointly short. I want to see a longer brawl between these two men. Luckily, if Anglepalooza is any indication, then this feud isn't over yet, which is good to know! -Good segment between Reject and Alfdogg. I just really love those Rumble segments where the wrestlers pick their numbers. They're always fun. -Los Diablos de Fuego vs. The Beverly Hills Blonds: Heh, both Los Diablos are pink Power Rangers with somberos and horns on them. I did not know that. This was a good match. I liked how Mackie tried to seduce the Diablos, but they didn't fall for it. Because they're gay. And I like how they tag each other by kissing each other. That's certainly a unique way to make a tag. Everyone played their roles perfectly. That was cute, having the fans count in Spanish because Morocca couldn't understand them in English. I was legitamaley surprised that the Blonds won. I was sure that Los Diablos would get the win. The muscular black man came out of nowhere. I'm interested in finding out more about him. So I guess this means that the feud will continue? Okay then. Fine by me. -That Colombian Heat/Spanish Fly/C.O.D. segment was AWESOME. Even better than I expected. Patty, you did a tremendous job writing Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly. You're another person that's got Heat's character down pat. Whe Heat was going on about him and PRL being on a desserted island, I just about lost it. That was great! Alix was just hilarious, with her rhymes and then her saying she was representing for the Latino nation and Lesbianation. I think both teams have good chemistry with each other. I want to do another Heat/Alix segment someday. -Reject vs. Jamie O' Hara for the OAOAST X-Division Championship: I just like to say how much I LOVED Papacita having the people in the match-up graphics wearing or holding their title belts. That was so cool. I hope he keeps doing that from now on. As for the match, it was good, but it seemed short. I would have liked to see it go longer. There was some nice fast paced action here, though. I liked the ending, where it looked like Reject won it, but then the pinfall didn't count, so O' Hara ended up winning. That was cool. The title change actually surprised me. I didn't expect that to happen. Anyway, good to see J-OH finally get a singles title in the OAOAST. -Liked the Rumble segment between Vitamin X and "After Hours" Felix Strutter. Ooh, Strutter was talking about Princess Stacey wasn't he? VX didn't like that. X was annoying, as usual, but Felix wasn't gonna take his shit, and struck back, and it left VX hanging. I approve. -Nice surprise interview from Peter Knight. I wasn't expecting him to say that he didn't want Zack nor Bruce Blank to win. It shows how much he hates both guys. I don't want PK to retire though. I like PK. I want him to continue wrestling in the OAOAST. -Princess Stacey vs. Jade Rodez: This was all King Cucaracha, and I am so glad it was, because I know I couldn't have written a match as entertaining as this one. Props to KC for handling writing duties for this match. Sure, it wasn't a ***** classic or anything, but it showed PERFECTLY what would happen in a match between a non-wrestler and a green wrestler. I still liked it, even if neither of the girls did much actual wrestling. I wasn't too thrilled with Jade breaking the tiara at first, as I was hoping to hold off on that for a while, but reading Cole and Coach's lines afterwards made it worth it. Anyway, thanks KC for writing this match. I was really into it. Appreciate it. That's Stacey Farber from Degrassi: The Next Generation. That's where I got the name Stacey from. She was who I was thinking of while I creating the character. -Good segment with Faqu. Liked the tension between Faqu and James Blonde. I don't think their friendship is long for this world. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if one of them turned heel on the other. It's been teased before, don'tcha know. -Chicks Over Dicks vs. The Sooner Bruisers for the OAOAST World Tag Team Championship: Krista's too sexy to hold her own Tag Team Title! The girl representing Alix is pretty hot too. Who is she? That's not Nelly Furtado, is it? And that Sooner Bruisers graphic is awesome. The match was spectacular! One of the best matches on the show. Krista and Alix surprisingly held their own against the big Bruisers. Both teams seemed to be on offense for equal amounts of time. C.O.D.'s move names still crack me up. Haha, you called Charles Robinson, C-Rob! Cold. AS ICE~! I wasn't sure who was gonna win. Both teams could have come away the winners. But Chicks Over Dicks proved to be the better team and defeated The Sooner Bruisers. What's next for C.O.D.? I can't wait to find out! -There's my AngleMania VI commercial, which can be used anytime you want for the next two months. -Props to KC for writing his portion of the Triple Threat Match for the HI-YAH World Tag Team Championship. Great job. -Uh-oh. Drek Stone is here. And he's taunting Zack just because he can. -Zack Malibu vs. Bruce Blank in a Survive Or Surrender Match: Career Vs. Career: Match of the night. This was everything I expected it to be. Brutal, intense, dramatic. Bruce beating on Nick Patrick was shocking. It showed what a bastard he was, as if he needed anymore help in that department. Bruce really was Zack's toughest opponent EVER. Bruce trying to suffocate Zack with the plastic bag was SICK, dude! Then he one ups himself by helping Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix hang Zack from the ceiling. Zack's old friends trying to come into the cage but being unable to was a nice touch. It was really dramatic and made it seem like all hope was lost. It was like a movie scene in a way. Caboose's return was a big "markout" moment. I missed that guy. Having AngleSault be the one that called for the bell was appropriate, seeing as how at one time Zack and AS were bitter enemies, but now they respect each other. The ending was played out perfectly! It's already a candiate for Feel Good Moment Of The Year for the 2007 Angle Awards. So long, Bruce Blank. It was nice knowing you! Hope you enjoy living in a trailer park reliving your past glory for the rest of your life! -I like dramatic returns, and Venom's was no exception. It's the good ol' fashioned "heel mocks the face, but the face returns and kicks his ass" trick. I knew it was coming, because this was a pay-per-view, but it was still pretty cool. AngleMania match between Venom and Ramone perhaps? -James Riggs is ready for the Rumble. And Staci is ready to celebrate. Good choice in choosing Lacey Chabert to represent Staci by the way, PK. -Whoa! Drek Stone attacked Jamie O' Hara! What for? Drek is such a dick. I had a feeling that J-OH wouldn't be competing in the Rumble after this, and I was right. -Lethal Rumble Match: The best Rumble we've ever done. Only the 2004 Rumble comes close. So much stuff going on, but all of it interesting. Nice to see Vitamin X get eliminated in 10 seconds like I hope he would. Also cool to see PRL and Cappa collide once again. Colombian Heat lasting as long as he did surprised me. And him getting eliminated by Zack Malibu ALSO surprised me. I was glad to see Spanish Fly last to the final 5, and be put over strong. The standing ovation afterwards was a nice touch. I would have liked to see Fly and Heat go at it much longer personally. Funniest moment of the match goes to MISTER WARRIOR showing up for no apparent reason and clotheslining everybody as "Black Sweat" played. That's just a funny mental image. PRL and Zack Malibu keep getting into it in the Rumble, but have yet to ever have a match against each other. We gotta do something about that! You know this is the second straight year where PRL got Superkicked out of the Lethal Rumble Match? Last year was Leon Rodez, and this year was Leon Rodez's regular tag team partner, Zack Malibu. Concidence? I couldn't think of a better final two then Zack and Landon, especially after what happened earlier in the night. I wasn't getting a Shawn Michaels circa '96 vibe, though. More of a Hulk Hogan circa '91 vibe. The perfect ending to the show. Zack winning in his hometown and celebrating with his family, friends, and Candie. Couldn't ask for anything more. The Bottom Line: Best Anglepalooza ever, and quite possibly the best OAOAST pay-per-view EVER! I loved every single thing about this show. All the matches were quality, and all the segments were entertaining. Everybody was ON. This was the first pay-per-view I posted, and I hope I get to post many more. Thanks for that, guys! The Road To AngleMania VI is shaping up to be pretty sweet! Thumbs up for OAOAST Anglepalooza 2007. Fantastic job, everybody!

I'll have a match. With PRL.

The credits roll over screencaps of tonight's action. The classic WWF Royal Rumble theme song plays again. PRODUCED BY OAOAST Entertainment EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Zack Malibu DIRECTED BY Ed Wood Caulfield & Patty O' Green OAOAST CREATED BY Cobainwasmurdered Tony149 Anglesault WRITTEN BY Bruce Blank Ed Wood Caulfield Alfdogg Tony149 KingPK King Cucaracha Patty O' Green Zack Malibu © 2007 OAOAST Entertainment All Rights Reserved The last shot is of Zack Malibu celebrating with Candie in the ring. We fade out on this shot as the classic WWF Royal Rumble theme song dies down.

TV-14 L,V * DUN DUN DUN DUNNA, DUN DUN DUNNA * Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat on his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the computer...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid shock and delight. THE OAOAST...WHAT THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD IS READING~! We fade in on a giant timer. The timer is counting down 10 seconds. We hear a crowd counting along. 10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1! * BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTT! * NOT VINCE McMAHON, BUT A VERY CLOSE SOUND A-LIKE IT'S TIME TO RUMBLE! IT'S TIME TO LETHAL RUMBLE! IT'S TIME FOR ANGLEPALOOZA! The OAOAST Anglepalooza 2007 logo flashes across the screen at the same time the screen appears to be experiencing an earthquake. The classic WWF Royal Rumble theme song plays in the background, as not-Vince McMahon continues speaking. We see clips of past Lethal Rumble (and OAOAST Royal Rumble) matches. NOT VINCE McMAHON 30 OAOAST SUPERSTARS COMPETE IN THE 30-MAN LETHAL RUMBLE MATCH WITH THE WINNER RECEIVING A SHOT AT THE OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP AT ANGLEMANIA VI! SCHEDULED TO COMPETE IN THE 2007 LETHAL RUMBLE MATCH ARE... At this point, everytime not-Vince reads the name of an OAOAST wrestler, the OAOAST wrestler's match-up graphic appears on screen, with their name on the right hand corner of the screen in big white letters. The classic WWF Royal Rumble theme song continues playing in the background. NOT-VINCE McMAHON LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX~! ALFDOGG~! "THE MANITOBA MAMMOTH" DEON BLACK~! THE OAOAST HEARTLAND CHAMPION THUNDERKID~! THE OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPION REJECT~! "THE CURRENT BIG THING" BROCK AUSSTIN~! ONE-HALF OF THE HI-YAH WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS COLOMBIAN HEAT~! ONE-HALF OF THE HI-YAH WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS SPANISH FLY~! THE MUSCLE FOR THE LIGHTNING CREW, CUBAN WALL~! "URBAN LEGEND" TODD CORTEZ~! "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" JAMIE O' HARA~! ONE-HALF OF THE GLOBAL PARTY EXCHANGE, SCOTTY STATIC~! ONE-HALF OF THE GLOBAL PARTY EXCHANGE, JOHNNY JAX~! ONE-HALF OF BLACK T, TONY BRANNIGAN~! ONE-HALF OF BLACK T, "THE ICE HEART" DAN BLACK~! "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN~! THE FINANCIAL CONSULTANT FOR THE LIGHTNING CREW, VITAMIN X~! JAMES RIGGS~! THE MAD CAPPA~! JOHN "ROCK HARD" BRICKSTON~! THE OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPION BOHEMOTH~! KENJI KAWADA~! EL ESPERITO~! "IT"~! THE HI-YAH WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION FAQU~! "AFTER HOURS" FELIX STRUTTER~! "THE NATURAL" CHRISTIAN WRIGHT~! ONE-HALF OF AMERICA'S TEAM, CHARLIE MOSS~! ONE-HALF OF AMERICA'S TEAM, QUENTIN BENJAMIN~! AND TWO MYSTERY ENTRANTS~! For this, two silhouettes appear, each with a giant white question mark on their faces. NOT-VINCE (CONT'D) IT'S TIME FOR THE SIXTH ANNUAL LETHAL RUMBLE MATCH! IT'S TIME FOR OAOAST ANGLEPALOOZA~!!! The OAOAST Anglepalooza 2007 logo fades away, replaced with a shot of the ruckus crowd at the Dunkin' Donuts Center in Providence, Rhode Island. The classic WWF Royal Rumble theme song continues playing. BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! B O O M ~ ! The camera pans over the ROARING crowd in attendance tonight. Fans hold up their signs, in hopes of attaining their five seconds of fame, while the following words appear on the top left hand corner of the screen. LIVE! PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND The set: a giant AngleTron sits perfectly in the center of the entrance set. Underneath it are sliding doors to be used by the wrestlers tonight. On the right side of the AngleTron is a kind of big OAOAST Anglepalooza 2007 logo. On the left side of the AngleTron is a kind of big timer counting down the days until AngleMania VI in Toronto. The entrance stage is small, so that there is no need for a huge ramp. The entrance stage and the aisle are painted to look like a concrete road, to go along with the theme to the Anglepalooza logo this year. The ring aprons are black, with ANGLEPALOOZA written on them in the same style as on the logo, but in white. Black ring steps, black ring posts, black ring ropes, and black turnbuckles complete the package. TONY SCHIAVONE (Off-Screen) It only happens once a year! The Road To AngleMania begins NOW! Welcome to Anglepalooza 2007! Pan down onto our hosts for the evening, standing on top of the world famous OAOAST Wrestling INTERVIEW STAGE~! The classic WWF Royal Rumble theme song dies down. SCHIAVONE Hello everybody, and welcome to our first pay-per-view of the year 2007! Tony Schiavone here, and with me as always, is the one and only Jesse "The Body" Ventura! And fans, tonight, we are in for one hell of a show! It is quite possibly the greatest Anglepalooza in the history of the One And Only AngleSault Thread! JESSE "THE BODY" VENTURA Now Tony, normally I'd laugh at your ridicolous hyperboles, but this time, I have to agree with ya! This Anglepalooza could go down in the history books as the greatest Anglepalooza of them all! SCHIAVONE We all know about the main event. The tradition continues. A 30-man Lethal Rumble Match with the winner to take on the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Drek Stone, who is NOT here tonight, by the way, at AngleMania VI on April the 1st. VENTURA The Champ's a busy guy, Tony. He's got that Ocean's 13 movie coming out, so he's probably putting the finishing touches on that film, and don't forget the press junkets. It ain't easy being the champion for the greatest professional wrestling company in the world, you know. SCHIAVONE I know that, Jess, but I was hoping that the Champion of this company would be here tonight so that he could find out first hand just which one of those 30 men in the Lethal Rumble Match tonight will fight him for the World Title at AngleMania VI! VENTURA He'll find out soon enough. You know how fast word gets around in this day and age. SCHIAVONE Anyway, this Lethal Rumble is a star studded Lethal Rumble. 30 of the very best OAOAST superstars will be competing for one gold: a shot at the OAOAST Title at AngleMania VI. You've got your veterans like Tony Brannigan, Dan Black, Alfdogg, who won the Lethal Rumble last year, "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, who will be competing in his FOURTH consectutive Lethal Rumble. You've also got your newcomers like James Riggs, Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix, "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez, and "After Hours" Felix Strutter. And then you've got your guys who have been around for a while, but who have yet to reach the top of the mountain, and this match could be their launching pad. Colombian Heat, Bohemoth, Christian Wright, Jamie O' Hara. And who knows, maybe an underdog will win this match and go all the way to AngleMania! Spanish Fly, "It". And just WHO are the two mystery entrants? So many questions, all of which will be answered later tonight in the Lethal Rumble Match. But fans, not only do we have the Lethal Rumble Match on deck, but we also have the final battle between two men who have been at each others' throats for a long, long time. Zack Malibu will take on his greatest rival, Bruce Blank, in a Survive Or Surrender Match, and the man who loses this match...will have to retire from the sport of professional wrestling. Jess, what are your thoughts about this important match-up? VENTURA Well Tony, I tell ya, Zack Malibu is taking a HUGE risk by being in this match. He has NEVER defeated Bruce Blank in a one-on-one match before, and in fact, has been beaten up and been made humbled by the Redneck Superman on more than one occasion. Bruce Blank has pushed Zack Malibu to the brink of insanity, so it makes sense that he would challenge Bruce to a match where two wrestlers are locked inside a steel cage with a roof on top and no doors to escape through, and the only way to win is by saying, 'I surrender!' SCHIAVONE That cage is hanging above the ring right now as we speak. There has only been one other Survive Or Surrender Match in the history of the One And Only AngleSault Thread. That match took place at AngleSlam back in August of 2004 when Zack Malibu took on "The Female Phenom" Crystal for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. Zack lost the Title to Crystal on that night, but if he loses to Bruce Blank tonight, he'll lose alot more than the OAOAST Title. He will lose his very own career! VENTURA Well, we know one person who will be happy if or WHEN that happens. SCHIAVONE Who? VENTURA Sly Sommers! SCHIAVONE Right. Well, he might just be the only person besides Bruce who would be happy if Zack were to lose tonight. Will tonight be the last time that Zack Malibu steps into the squared circle? Will see the end of the greatest career in the history of the OAOAST? Can The Franchise finally beat his toughest opponent ever? We'll find out later tonight, but right now, let's send it over to the announcers for this evening's show, Michael Cole and Jonathon "Da Coach" Coachman! Cut to Double C at Sofa Central~! MICHAEL COLE Thanks Tony! Hello fans, Michael Cole here, along with Da Coach as always. And fans, tonight is a big night! 8 matches are scheduled for this pay-per-view. In addition to the Lethal Rumble Match and the Survive Or Surrender Match, you'll also see the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles defended as Chicks Over Dicks take on the #1 Contenders, The Sooner Bruisers! Los Diablos de Fuego will hope to settle their feud against the Beverly Hills Blonds! The HI-YAH Tag Team Titles are up for grabs in a Triple Threat Tag Team Match where the Champions, Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly, defend their newly won Titles against former Champions D*LUX and "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick! Reject battles Jamie O' Hara for the X-Division Title! James Wolfenstein takes on the man who paid off Satan's Foot Soldiers and The South Central Militia to attack him, the returning Gibraltar! And Princess Stacey makes her professional wrestling debut when she takes on Jade Rodez, who is wrestling in her first singles match on pay-per-view! JONATHAN "DA COACH" COACHMAN My girl Stacey should not be treated like this! She's a Princess! Therefore, she should have had more time to train! Certainly longer than THREE DAYS! COLE What? First off, she's not your girl! She's Vitamin X's girlfriend! And second of all, it was a member of The Lightning Crew who accepted this match! Remember? Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez accepted Jade's challenge!? COACH They can't hold off on this match? At least until Anglepalooza 2008? COLE No, Coach. This match is going to happen tonight, and that's final! Coach makes the "sign of the cross" and prays. COLE *Sigh* Anyway, fans, let's go to the first match, as we kick things off here at Anglepalooza 2007 LIVE from the Dunkin' Donuts Center in Providence, Rhode Island! The tiniest state in the union has one of the biggest events of the year! Let's go to the ring! COACH And dear lord, please make my penis bigger. COLE COACH! We're on the air. COACH Oh sorry. Amen. Coach crosses himself again. Michael Cole rolls his eyes. *DING DING DING*

(Cut back to Sofa Central with Double C~!) COLE Man, oh man, what a match we have just witnessed! Zack Malibu has finally, FINALLY vanquished the OAOAST of Bruce Blank! The "Redneck Superman" is GONE from the One And Only AngleSault Thread, never to return! COACH Oh yeah, Mikey! Bruce Blank will never again harm another OAOAST superstar! The man will NEVER set foot in an OAOAST ring for as long as he lives! It's celebration time, bitches! COLE We've still got Zack Malibu in the OAOAST, and thank GOD for that! It's been quite a night already Coach, I mean that last match was--- COACH If you say “Off the hook” I'm going to slap you. MICHAEL COLE ...I wouldn't Cole is cut short when “Smooth Criminal” begins to play. MICHAEL COLE What the? COACH Isn't it obvious? Los Vatos Locos are on their way. The entrance doors slide open, and El Esperito comes running out from the back, sliding the last 3 feet or so as he points towards the entrance. Flanked by “Big” Dave the ominous figure of...Venom appears?? MICHAEL COLE What the part 2? COACH What? It's Venom and Los Vatos, he's seen the light and joined them. MICHAEL COLE OOOOOOR... that's Ramone Gutierrez under the Venom mask. COACH What the hell gave you THAT idea? MICHAEL COLE Well he wore it during the New Year's Knock Out you know. COACH He did *NOT* that's a scurrilous lie! “Big” Dave steps up on the apron and then turns to look at the crowd while Esperito and “Venom” leap over the ropes, step up on the middle rope and then strike a pose on either side of the big man. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! EL ESPERITO HOLA PROVIDENCE!! *Crickets Chirp* EL ESPERITO 'Scuse me Gringos I know chu want to get back to stuffing your face with El Popcorn and carbonated beverages but an in-hustice has been committed! MICHAEL COLE Hustice? COACH Justice, come on now speak the lingo! “VENOM” ORALEEEEEEE!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! “VENOM” Oh chu turn your back on me after I heroically and miraculously recover from an otherwise career ending injury?? MICHAEL COLE Why does he bother with this charade? COACH What charade? The man is my choice of inspirational wrestler of the year, look at what he's overcome, injuries and he won the New Year's Knock Out. “VENOM” I know everyone was happy to see me in the New Year's Knock Out Holmes! And yes it's GOOD TO BE BACK!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! “VENOM” But chu see after I won that match something happened, an injustice, a crime, I am a victim of AngleSault and a cowardly X-Division Champion!! I won that match, I beat 19 other X-Division wrestlers, so where is my damn title shot? MICHAEL COLE It wasn't exactly the cleanest of victories. COACH What are you talking about? MICHAEL COLE Well he was eliminated earlier in the match Coach, we all saw that. “VENOM” I wait and I wait, No contract for an X-Division Title match. I wait and wait...No Reject, no nothing! EL ESPERITO It's because you're Cub--Japanese isn't it?? “VENOM” Hai! Or maybe Reject is scared of me... I can see that. I mean world class skills AND I'm a part of Los Vatos Locos, frankly if I wasn't me, I'd be scared of me too. I-MI-GRATION!! *Clap*Clap*ClapClapClap* I-MI-GRATION!! *Clap*Clap*ClapClapClap* I-MI-GRATION!! *Clap*Clap*ClapClapClap* “VENOM” The sad fact is: the OAOAST fears me, they don't want anything to do with me. Well that that's going to cha-- *BOOM!!* The “Imperial March” theme kicks in as all eyes turn towards the entrance. It's... It's... IT'S THE REAL VENOM!! MICHAEL COLE It's him, live and in bright green and black!! Los Vatos looks stunned as Venom is flanked by the other Space Cadets before the four men run to the ring, slide under the bottom rope and then without hesitation rush Ramone, Esperito and “Big” Dave! MICHAEL COLE It *IS* Venom! He's back!! The ring quickly turns into an out of control brawl that quickly pulls in every official, road agent and OAOAST crew in the arena to pull the two warring factions apart. Venom grabs the fake Venom mask and tears it off Ramone, an action that momentarily exposes Ramone's unmasked face before “Big” Dave rushes over to help Ramone cover up his face. COACH That's like the ultimate sin to a Luchador!! MICHAEL COLE Oh cry me a river, almost ending a man's career ranks slightly higher than revealing someone's hoax! With some effort and a lot of manpower the officials finally manage to separate the two factions with Los Vatos being forced back to the locker rooms. Venom, Discovery, Space Phaero and Supernova each climb up on a turnbuckle and strikes their pose as the crowd cheers for the returning Venom. MICHAEL COLE Venom is back baby!! And Ramone is in trouble! We cut to the back as James Riggs sits on a bench in his locker room adjusting his elbowpads as Staci stands over him. A determined look is on James' face. STACI This is it baby, the Lethal Rumble Match. Twenty-nine other guys and you're their biggest threat. Take care of buisness and we're going to Toronto. RIGGS (lacing his boots) This crowd is about to see what a real Rumble performance is all about. You got everything for the victory celebration later? STACI Champagne, strawberries, everything's set. I even got a special little surprise for you. RIGGS Oh yeah? Staci holds up a Fredericks of Hollywood catalogue. STACI Remember the outfit on page 45? A smile crosses Riggs' face as he slowly looks over to his wife as she gives him a wicked smile in return. Riggs chuckles. RIGGS As if I needed more motivation. (He stands) It's time. STACI Get it done. The couple shares a quick kiss and Riggs exits. The camera cuts to the backstage area. Vitamin X and Cuban Wall are standing by a door marked THE LIGHTNING CREW on it. The crowd boos. VX is wearing a white Lightning Crew T-shirt, and over it is a white baseball jersey that has VITAMIN X written on the front in a black cursive font, and on the back has THE X-MAN written on the top in big black blocky letters, with the OAOAST Anglepalooza 2007 logo in the center, and FUTURE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION written underneath it in big black blocky letters. JANUARY 28, 2007 is written underneath that in black. VX is written on the left jersey sleeve in black blocky letters. X is also wearing a gold chain around his neck, black elbow pads, black sweatpants with a small OAOAST logo on the right pant leg, and black Adidas sneakers. VX is doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle while Cuban Wall is cracking his knuckles. VITAMIN X BOO-YAH~! BOO-YAH~! BOO-YAH~! The door opens, and "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican comes out. The crowd boos some more. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Let's go. PRL cranks his neck, and the three Lightning Crew members begin walking. Ominous music plays. All three LC members have cocky smirks on their faces. COLE And here comes three members of The Lightning Crew, all of which will be in the Lethal Rumble Match! The camera cuts to Thunderkid walking backstage. He has the OAOAST Heartland Championship belt wrapped around his waist, which he touches as he walks. TK has a smile on his face. The crowd cheers. COLE And here's Thunderkid, who is looking to move on to the next level by winning the Lethal Rumble Match and go on to AngleMania VI! COACH It's possible he might win it all this year! Cut to Alfdogg high fiving "After Hours" Felix Strutter and "The Manitoba Mammoth" Deon Black. The crowd boos. Black yells. The three men walk backstage, ready to go. Ominous music continues playing. COLE Alfdogg is looking to become a back-to-back Lethal Rumble winner, while Felix Strutter is hoping to strike gold in his first ever Lethal Rumble Match. And who can possibly eliminate "The Manitoba Mammoth" Deon Black? COACH Not many people, that's for damn sure! Cut to a split-screen of "The Current Big Thing" Brock Ausstin AND Bohemoth walking backstage. The crowd cheers! COLE Oh boy! Two of the big men entered into the Lethal Rumble, and two of the fan favourites! COACH Imagine what would happen if they were to meet in the Lethal Rumble Match? COLE Oh man, I think the ring would explode because of their combined HOSS-ness~! The ring wouldn't be able to contain them! Cut to Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix jogging backstage. The crowd BOOS~! And I mean, REALLY boos, after the stunt Landon pulled earlier tonight. Maddix is doing some last minute jogging while listening to his iPod. COLE Ugh. And here's Landon Maddix. He's looking to win it all and become the first man to ever win both the OAOAST Lethal Rumble Match and the SWF Clusterfuck Match. COACH You have to wonder how what Caboose did to him earlier will affect him in the Rumble. COLE After what he tried to do to Zack Malibu earlier, I'll have no sympathy for him if he gets eliminated early. COACH Me either. Cut to Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly walking backstage. The crowd cheers! Despite losing the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles earlier in the night, they both seem to be in a jovial mood, psyched to be in the Lethal Rumble. COLE And there's Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly! They lost the HI-YAH World Tag Team Championship to D*LUX earlier tonight, but they can still come out of Anglepalooza as winners if one of them wins the Lethal Rumble Match! COACH The keyword is ONE of them, Cole. They can't share the prize. Only one of them can get the AngleMania VI title shot! COLE That's a good point, Coach! What would happen if it came down to Heat and Fly? COACH Then, the fists will fly! There are no friends in the Lethal Rumble! COLE You're right about that. Every man for himself. We've got several tag teams participating in this year's Rumble, but you can bet that they will put their teams aside to win and go to AngleMania. It is the most unpredictable match in the OAOAST! 30 men! 1 ring! A shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at AngleMania is on the line! Which one of these 30 men will challenge for the Title on April 1st? We are about to find out in just a few moments! The ominous music ends. We cut backstage to the drawing room, as Jamie O'Hara exits, and cracks open the number he pulled from the tumbler. The new X-Divison Champion's eyes widen, as he pulls up his trademark forty ounce... "I'll drink to that!" O'Hara starts chugging, but then opens his eyes, realizing he's not alone. He peers over, and the camera pans over to see the OAOAST World Heavyweight Chamnpion, Drek Stone, standing there with the belt slung over his shoulder. "Got a good number, huh?" asks Drek of his one-time friend. "I ain't complainin' about it, if that's what you're askin'." mouths back O'Hara. "Mind if I see it?" "Psssssh, what you so curious for, huh? A little worried, Drek?" "WORRIED? About you? Please. You're lucky that you're wearing the belt you've got. I'm not worried about you trying to go 2 for 2." "Oh yeah, well we'll see about that after I win tonight, and then it's YOUR ASS that I'll be kickin' at Anglemania!" "Is that so." "That's word, playa." Drek snickers, and turns away...and then BLASTS Jamie O'Hara with a beltshot! The World Champion stands over the X Division Champion and puts the boots to him, then picks up the forty ounce bottle that he had...AND SMASHES IT OVER JAMIE'S HEAD! Jamie goes down, and quickly staff flock to the scene of the crime, pushing Drek away. Drek tells them to get off of him, and he backs away smiling, as the cameras close in on O'Hara, who is busted wide open after having that bottle shattered over his head. COLE I--I--I don't believe it! What did Drek Stone just do!? COACH He's the World Champion, he can do whatever he wants! COLE How dare he! Jamie O' Hara is busted open, and now, he may not even compete in the Lethal Rumble! COACH Hey, it doesn't bother me. Doesn't bother the Champ either. One less person to worry about. COLE Coach...Drek Stone may have just cost J-OH a shot at the World Title! COACH Again. Doesn't bother me! Let the Champ do what he wants! COLE I--I--I just don't know. Well, we have to move on because it's main event time! It is time for the Lethal Rumble Match! It is the most exciting hour on television! At the end of the night, only one man will be left standing and will go on to AngleMania VI on April 1st to take on the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! This is the match we've all been waiting for! Well, the wait is over! The time is now! 30 men will compete for the ultimate prize, a shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at the biggest event in the business, AngleMania VI! We will find out one-half of the AngleMania VI main event after this match is finished! Let's now go to the ring where Michael Buffer is standing by.