I figured being clever was better than how I usually spent my time, sitting alone, in the dark, fashioning my belt into a makeshift noose, staring into the abyss....
You mean you used to be OJ Hart?
Whoa, has he openly contemplated suicide, too? Man, he and I have so much in common, what with we both losing our virginity to 13-year-olds.
Wait, I didn't lose my virginity that one time. Forget I said anything.