Nighthawk

If I ever end up moving back to Tampa, I'm going to drive there. Regarding Applebees, at my old job at the sporting goods store, they would occasionally have lunch there, because it was right next door. Everyone would have water, and I'd order a giant umbrella drink, like Garth Algar or something. I only did it to be funny, because you can't get a buzz on those things. There was also a company trip once where I had eight shots of whiskey at the airport, bought a Hustler and read it on the plane. I ended up getting sick of that job, but you could get away with pretty much anything. And after all that, I got fired for calling somebody a dumb bitch.

I was just reading a thread about a 14 year old asking advice on whether he should have sex, and I was surprised at how straight laced everybody was. I even saw shock expressed that a girl lost her virginity at 13. Am I alone in the knowledge of how sexed up this culture is? I mean, I'm going to say a good 30% of the girls whose virginity losing age I know lost it at like 11 or 12. Younger than that, I'd say that's a different category. Everybody's a slut these days. I should start fucking underage girls, I mean, there's no reason not to anymore. Better me than some pervert. I don't even know what it's like, besides the time I fucked the 13 year old, and she was actually pretty good for her age. I mean, I'd do like 15 year olds and stuff when I was around 18, but that's not even illegal. Still, the biggest age gap I've ever experienced was six years, 18/24. I can top that. But I've gotta go down south where they don't care about that stuff. Yeah, I need to plan a trip to the deep south and fuck me an adolescent. Speaking of sluts, this one married slut who my friend set me up with, is one of the stupidest people I've ever met. I mean, she can't even talk in complete sentences. I like her though, because you can call her a stupid slut to her face and she'll laugh.

It really wasn't that big a deal in the first place. What a fag.

You say "ironically" like I'm some huge drug addict. I do remember fucked up Jingus though, you were actually quite articulate, if slurred. You also gave me Marney's number, which she changed immediately upon finding out I had it. I was honored.

Urgh, I'm kinda sorta really been drinkingish. So call me right now... I'll be funny.

Sheila greeted us at the door with a micro-mini dress that had elastic holding it up just over her nice full tits. Lisa and Sheila kissed and felt each other for a moment and then I did the same as Sheila gave me a very wet kiss. Then Wes came up and said, "I hope you two are horny! Tonight is going to be wild!" Lisa kissed Wes and squeezed his cock through his pants. Then she said, "Where are the little fuckees?" "The little fuckees are watching a new porn flick to get them ready," Wes said with an evil smirk. We walked into the family room and all five kids were watching a video of a girl about six years old sucking her father's cock. "Mmmmmm!! Looks yummy!!" Lisa said. The kids all turned and smiled at us and Terri said, "Hi Lisa! Hi Rick! Can we watch her eat his cum before we go? Please?" "Isn't she precious?" Sheila said as we stared at the five kids. All five were wearing very short t-shirts and nothing else. Sheila nodded at Terri as the kids turned back to the video. "How short are those t-shirts the kids are wearing?" Lisa asked. "When they stand up, you can see their little bald pussies and cocks and their round little butts!" Sheila bubbled. "The shirts are tight and too small for them." "Ohhhh, fuck....that's going to be so exciting to watch them walking around in public like that!!" Lisa said. "I love it!!" "And the kids can't wait!" Wes said. "We've been showing them some videos of young girls walking around totally naked in public and they got very excited." "Look!! Look!!" Tanya said. "She's eating his cum!! She's eating her daddy's cum!!" We all watched as the young girl struggled to swallow the cum blasting out of her father's cock. She valiantly held onto the big cock and ate the thick load as fast as she could, but globs of cum squirted out of the corners of her little mouth. "Okay, we can go now," Terri said as she got up. "I want to suck some cocks!" Wes knelt down and held her and said, "And whose cock do you want to suck, Terri?" "Anybody's!" Terri giggled.

It's one of my "Go to fucking awesome no matter what do it" names. And we fought over it, but I'm fuckin' usin' it.

Big fuckin' piece of fuckin' shit that Carlito Brigante is, that fuck. Boy, he sure is a fuck. I've never seen a fuckinger piece of fuck in all my fucks. That fuck.

Why don't you suck my dick and find out?

The second time I ever had sex, Dead Presidents was playing on the tv.

Like I'd respond to a fuckin' douchebag, you fuck. Fuck you, fucker.

He was so funny in that movie. That movie in general is balls out hilarious. "Any ya'll want a hamburger? I got it from that basehead." " Hey, man, who the fuck gonna be old out there at twelve o'clock at night, bitch? Shit, nigga, I'll smoke anybody, nigga. I just don't give a fuck. Shit. I'm gonna hit this shit, nigger. Look, all right, not me, all right? I'm not killing no kids. Hey, you know what, nigger? You acting like a little bitch right now. You acting real paranoid and shit. Now, these motherfuckers smoked your goddam cousin in front of you, nigga! Blew his head off in front of your face, and you ain't gonna do shit? You acting like a little bitch right now, nigga. Man, fuck that. I ain't letting that shit ride. We gonna go in and smoke all these motherfuckers. I don't care who the fuck out there. Goddamn it, is you down, nigger? Man, both of y'all shut the fuck up. Both of y'all acting like some motherfucking bitches. Shit. Scared to peel these punk-ass nigga's cap. Now, give me my motherfucking joint, nigga. " "I'm pregnant. Well, what the fuck you tellin' me for? What? So you just gonna dog me? It ain't mine. Look, you the only one I was with! Stop lying, alright? Besides, I had the jimmy on extra tight." "You know you done fucked up, don't you? You know it, don't you? You know you done fucked up. " "What's up, black man? Coolin'. Man, why you got that goddamn hood on your head, lookin' like the Grim Reaper? It's cold out here, my brother. You know us black folks not used to this cold air. We a tropical people, you understand? Let them Europeans deal with this madness. Then why your tropical ass sittin' on the goddamn cooler? To keep you fools from drinking this poison. That's why. Man, you better get your Shelenkem-Shilom ass up off this box and pass me a motherfuckin' brew. " I'm gonna watch that right now. No, I'm not working today.

Fuck you, you fuckin' douchebag (not Amnesia).

While it has no relevance, because it actually is a fine picnic choice, I feel I should point out that I do not care for egg salad. Or any salad, besides shrimp salad, and regular salad. When I said that I was referencing the movie Big Top Pee Wee. Also, while I'm not going to transcribe it, the liner notes to Insane Clown Posse's Tunnel of Love EP contain a very insightful story about how it's not a good idea to fuck outside. So, while a picnic is romantic, make sure to take the girl home before you get to business.

Yeah, you're right, Czech, I actually hate you and am solely responsible for you being kept out of the secret board. No, I like you, that's not true. You people would be surprised how approachable and easy to talk to I am. In everyday life too, complete strangers just open up to me. My favorite: "Hey, man, can I bum a cigarette? I just found out my wife is fucking my best friend." My GG Allin shirts often prompt conversation with street punks, and now that I've gotten a tattoo of him, I've been bowed to, given money, drugs and beer. By homeless people. Homeless people gave ME money. I think that's awesome.

The only country musician that matters is Tex Hooper.

After a couple changes, we've settled on Sweet Baby Bitch and the Gay Faggots.

Egg salad, my favorite.

I thought I was alone in wanting to work there. There or MAD magazine would be the ultimate journalism gigs. MAD's sold out, and now this. Actually Cracked would have been even dumber than working at MAD, and they don't really exist anymore. This is... this is a black day for my writing career.

See, those people are perverts. I don't know how I got this reputation as a deviant. For jerking off to Nazi propaganda? I mean, c'mon, who hasn't done that?

Why would they? I'm only infamous here. And at a certain Christian teens forum...

Sure, go ahead.

Oh, I have a really good story about wearing something to a club. So I get taken there by this girl, and I'm wearing, yes, jeans and a t shirt, and it's actually a GG Allin shirt. And I'm standing outside smoking, and I start talking to this girl who is wearing like a leather schoolgirl outfit, and she has a purse which has the letter C on it. And I say "What's the C for?" and she says "Cunt." and starts talking about how it was based on this book called Cunt, and I say "Oh yeah, I read that." (This was true, but from what she was saying afterwards, this was a different cunt book than she was talking about) And she's like "You read that? Oh my god, I love you!" and she hugs me and starts talking about the tyranny of tampons and the oppression of women and all this bullshit. And I'm standing there in a GG Allin shirt (he has, if you don't know, punched, choked and sexually assaulted women on stage), and I'm thinking "This is the stupidest conversation I've had in a long time." and I'm trying to think of the worst thing I could say, and she says "Oh yeah, Cunt is my Bible." and I say "Yeah... American Psycho is my Bible." (which again, is the most misogynistic thing ever) And she says "Oh my god that's disgusting, and I don't want to talk to you anymore." and leaves. It was awesome. She didn't know GG apparently, but she knew Bateman. Come to think of it, I now have two rapist tattoos, GG and Comedian from Watchmen. How nice.

You should call, and actually refer to me as "Lord Satan". The person I would most like to talk to on the phone from here is probably Banky, due to the sheer curiosity after all these years, but then it's you. Or possibly Frank Nabbit, but then you. You're high on the list, anyway. I've taken quite the shine to Yuna_Firerose, I'll have you know. She's quite the character. Likely ugly, like all women who love gay men, but still.

luke-o's picture is so huge that I can't even properly save it. It wins, though, for the middle finger. If I ever get around to resizing it, it will be the new sig (or you can do it for me). A mic does help, you can always record yourself saying "Milky has a cunt". I am a musician, you know, I'll sample it into my next album.