So in lieu of hanging myself, this is what I did:
I was sort of drunk, which was a first. I didn't feel really drunk, but I was a little light headed, which was new. I was drinking Coronas, which is what I prefer when I drink socially, and I had about 12 of them. Also during this time period I ate most of a bag of Doritos and a pint of Cherry Garcia.
Around this time I started to feel sick, so I went home and brought a girl with me. We fell asleep on the couch without doing anything. Some time later I wake up and I'm sicker, so I go into the bathroom and throw up for a while. I think it was more the Doritos than the beer. It got in my nose and the ranch spice was very unpleastant. After this I stumbled into my bedroom and fell asleep. A while later I wake up again, this time to urinate. I did, and walked into the living room, except I had forgotten that I wasn't alone.
The television was on (the Ashton Kutcher movie The Butterfly Effect was playing, for the record), and at the exact second I walk into the room, there's one of those jumpy music cues, and I see a shadowy figure on my couch. I screamed at the top of my lungs and leapt at the figure. She sees me screaming and leaping at her, and begins to scream also. We tumbled to the floor before the reality of circumstances was observed.