Nighthawk

Yeah, the youngest I ever fucked was 12, but the youngest illegally was 13. Still, I'm more into young girls than young guys.

Ha... the only rap I've seen live was ICP. And even if you hate them, that's a good show. Long as you don't mind being covered in soda.

You're underage in that picture. I'm not falling into that trap.

Well, I am pretty slutty, but I don't think I'd go out of my way to. The only picture I have to go on is you with a terrible shit eating grin on your face. I don't want to fuck anybody while they're making that face.

I have. I enjoy it, but it's my kind of thing. I love old timey Americana (and racism, of course). As a film, it's important, but outdated. It innovated a lot, but that doesn't hold up as well. Viewed with a scholarly eye, it's a masterpiece, but to the casual viewer, not so much.

Nah, man. UCB is the funniest shit in the world. No Will Arnett there. I like Sarah Silverman sometimes, but not all the time.

I was drunk and listening to Britney Spears. It'll be back. Milky Korova is a permanent alias for me on and off the internet.

Re: the Teeth blurb... Wait a minute, Juno is tame. What in the hell are they talking about?

See, I do pay for porn, and I absolutely do not have to... Whatever rational I use for that, nothing works better than "I'd only waste the money anyway." Probably on booze, possibly getting me into more trouble. So there you go... porn saved the life of the schoolchildren I could have run over while driving drunk. And I certainly have favorite stars, I don't see anything odd about that at all. The statistician-like rank and file breakdown is what throws me off. Course I don't understand why people do that with sports either. And to me, porn is much more respectable and interesting than sports.

While I love porn, I wouldn't do something like that either.

Couple other things about this... Paul Rudd stole the movie, but Russell Brand really was the best character. It was interesting how he was presented and set up as the "villain", but you can't help but like him. I think the key there was the scene where Segel's character admits that he is really fucking cool, making it ok for the audience to think so too, and also making him a recovering addict added just the right touch of sympathy. I found him a very realistic and easy to relate to character. As far as Mila Kunis being hot, fuck yeah, she is like the hottest girl... ever. In looks and personality (her doing Meg on Family Guy really clinches it), but she's one of those rare cases where a girl is almost too hot, sort of making me uncomfortable. Were I to be in her company, I'd be on the verge of punching her just for being so hot all the time... and also doubting why she'd even be seen with me (and I'm a confident bordering on arrogant kind of guy). Damn she is fucking gorgeous.

Going out of business sales for video stores are awesome. Blockbuster and Hollywood are bad enough, and now with netflix as the final nail... I mourn the loss of mom and pop video stores. You could sometimes get wild shit there, like bootlegs and what not. My memory of this is Video View in backwoods Florida... first time I ever saw Debbie Does Dallas, it was from there. I still have the vhs copy of it I made. They had the banned Supergirl porn. They had every obscure slasher movie you could imagine. And (you guys will appreciate this) a quarter op machine with outdated hologram WWF stickers. I cleaned them out... Doink, Yokozuna, Diesel, Razor, the works... this was in like 98/99. When they went out of business, I didn't hear about it until they'd been pretty well picked over. All I got was Faces of Death 4 and Jason Goes to Hell. What sucks is I missed this tape they had called Faces of Torture, which for years I couldn't even find referenced on the internet (I've tracked it down now), the most shoddy, mind numbing student filmesque shock movie ever. Which, when you watch it on drugs and then never see it referenced again, became like the Ringu tape for me. Yeah, I get wistful for shit like that.

See, I don't know if I'd call mac and cheese an entree exactly, as I really don't recall ever seeing mac and cheese as the center piece of a full course meal. People often eat it solo, true... but that's slightly different.

One thing that helps for me is I'm very good at failing. I can mock the shit out of somebody, I can take turns for the crazy... like Patton Oswalt (I'm seeing him this summer, btw) was saying, one funny thing about open mics are when you get people who are fucking nuts. I can do that very well. I can do it more like performance art, like the early Suicide shows where Alan Vega would go around smacking drinks out of people's hands and have everyone in the room crowded against the back wall before they would start. But that's more a thing to do at like a poetry slam than a comedy open mic. I actually should probably learn to stop doing things like that, it must hinder the jokes. Unless I wanted to be like an Andy Kaufman style comic. Which would be awesome. But a harder sell.

I wear sandals with and without socks, and I don't care. I don't even count them among my fifty odd pairs of shoes, though. That's what angers me... my fucking shoe fetish. Legit, that many. And I don't plan on stopping any time soon.

As opposed to a physical retard like you, pencil neck.

See, the thing is I liked it begrudgingly in the first place. Like, "Ok, that was a faggoty script, but I guess it turned out ok." But the thing that I hate about it is what's being the most celebrated about it.

Well, I didn't like it as much as all of you, it was definitely the least favorite of the "series", but I have a new girlfriend and it got me laid, so it will hold a special place for that.

Folsom? (We actually have several of those type of things). The Exotic Erotic around Halloweentime is pretty wild too.

I was going to say that. Nothing but some old country boys, we are. So, I guess I'll say... French fries.

Well, both, but Taiga handled it. I was about to say, maybe this is how it all starts. One minute you're letting your girlfriend violate you or dabbling in tranny porn and the next minute it's dicks everywhere. Like I said, though, I don't believe the first necessarily leads to full blown gay. I'm really being semi facetious anyway. I've no desire to involve myself with any dick not my own, the thought of it disgusts me. However, if I ever did, that would have to be the situation. Like if I stumbled into an effeminate trap one night. If I ever really, really wanted to intentionally break myself in to gaydom, I'd start with a very convincing tranny, anyway, but I find they're pretty rare outside of porn. ^ gay. Straight men don't think about what conditions would have to be met for them to go gay. Joking. I actually quoted this to say something about convincing trannies. San Francisco, man. We got 'em here. (Also Chicago. One of the most beautiful women I've ever met was a man in Chicago... but that was just a one time thing). SF isn't Amsterdam or Bangkok, but within the states, this is fucking freak central. If you just live out here as a normal square (and yes, there are many wonderful aspects of the area besides sex, I do recommend it), you'll occasionally be confronted with some freak shit, and you just have to deal with it. But if you actually go out looking for it? It's crazy, it's just absolutely crazy. Everyone who's into weird fetish shit should come out here, they won't regret it. Tampa was pretty out there too... but nothing like this. I look forward to my trip to Japan. Sometimes I wonder if I was destined to be a deviant based on location alone.

Well, I'm nutting over that.

Have you seriously never heard of Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles? I don't believe it.

Kill Matt Young. Marry Bruiser Brody Fuck TaigaStar I actually like TaigaStar once I talked to her about deviant sex. Sorry Matt... no hard feelings. You're just the odd man out.

EFA I said it earlier today, but Amy Poehler is the only woman I find consistently funny in a professional capacity.