Boner Kawanger

Just have the show open with Vince in a tuxedo in the ring and he can say "And welcome....to WrestleMania TWENNNNNTY!".

February 15, 1999 Jeff Jarrett & Debra NC D’Lo Brown & Ivory Val Venis def. Billy Gunn; IC Title Match Kane & Shane McMahon def. Triple H & X-Pac; Shane pinned X-Pac to win the European Title Bob Holly def. Steve Blackman Ken Sharmock, Big Bossman, & Test NC Acolytes & Mideon The Rock def. Mankind in a Ladder Match to win the WWF World Title I was there. Thanks for keeping this alive, by the way.

I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER buy USED TIGHTS from DUSTY RHODES.

I think that's a Gorilla Monsoon thing...

Hell, I'll admit it. I would.

A principal a few cities over got arrested for possession of crack. No accident there. Alabama principals are badass druggies.

Neeson as Ra's? Interesting...Ineed some time to think this one through. Great actor, but can he pull it off?

Eddy gives the Frog Splash Hopefully, Brock destroys Bill at WM. How about Eddy cheats behind Brock's back, pissing Brock off. Eddy fingers Goldberg, who is just eyeing Lesnar from his seat. Brock snaps, takes off after Goldberg, allowing Eddy to cheat some more and get an advantage. Instead of Goldberg straight up interferring, Eddy uses him to throw Brock off of his game. This, of course, only makes Eddy, the next WWE Champion, look good, so nevermind.

The Simpsons Coming To A Theatre Near You At An Indeterminable Date We're Guessing Going By The Same Interview These People Have Been Giving For The Past Five Years... I'd be thrilled if The Simpsons was still good. I'm more excited about the Family Guy DTV project.

For a bunch of people who don't live in Puritan New England, we sure do say "Stop the witch hunt" alot...

How convenient...she's out of the spotlight for about a month and THEN decides to file a lawsuit. Touche, Ms. Hilton.

So when does he die? Oops. That should say Pa dies. My bad.

Matt rhymes with mat!

Pre-Crisis: Pa dies. Post-Crisis (today's continuity): Pa Kent is still alive. I wish I watched Smallville reguarly.

Mandy Moore is actually the least "bimbotic" of the current crop of girlie, whore-ish pop singers.

Alright, Squirtle, where the hell is Incandenza?

Alright, I marked out for Show pushing everyone down and Cena standing up to him as soon as he got in the ring. Those were actually two great moments.

Alright, I didn't go around flouting this story or anything for a while because I thought nothing of it. Until today, when things got interesting. And by interesting, I mean "insanely fucked up". Let's begin. A few years ago, a Sam Goody opened about three minutes from my house. Since stores like Best Buy are a thirty minute drive away, I rejoiced and became a regular customer. I was promised a job there one day. I was in no hurry. Besides, I had the name out there. They all knew me. Then in August, a friend of mine gets a permanent job there out of nowhere. I find it weird that I never knew they were hiring, but he needed the job to pay for his car and everything, so again, I'm laid back. Then in October, he lets me in on the fact that they're going to hire some help for the holidays. He gets me an interview. I land the job, along with six other people, three of which I know. My friend also lets me know that they're going to keep on one person permanently. Let's look at the competition. Some Woman: She quits and I never met her. Eddie: Independent wrestler. I'm not kidding. Nice guy, though. Cody: I go to school with him. He was fired from his last job for sleeping on bags of dog food. Jimmy: I go to school with him. He's a drunken pothead with no sense whatsoever. And then, there was Frank. My arch-enemy. Annoying. Loud. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He hates me because I fired him from a play we were doing in Theatre for popping pills in the audience and getting on everyone's nerves instead of rehearsing, which earned him three zeroes. Franklin is stupid, by the way. So I think I've got it in the bag. After a month or so of work, I learn that somehow Frank sells more than anyone else that works there and is probably keeping the job. Then I learn his secrets: First, while I work the register, they send him out on the floor with one purpose: sell five dollar calendars. Wowzers. The big holiday item, and I don't get to sell one because anyone checking out already has one or has heard enough from Frank to not want one. And then they put us both on the floor. I'm working video games, and we're keeping up with who can sell accessories. Frank is working in DVDs, on the other side of the store. While I go to get someone a memory card, Frank walks all the way over to my side and chats with the customer for a few minutes, and then claims my sale. Even though he's not supposed to be over there. No one else but me thinks this is odd. By December, I'm fed up. I'm not the jealous, petty type, but this whole situation just irked me. I decide that in the slight chance I'm asked to stay on, I refuse on principles alone. So of course, by January, I get my last paycheck while Frank and Cody stay on. Then I find out why. The one reason I didn't keep the job. I didn't talk to the people that work there enough. Because I was doing my job. Imagine, if you will, being told to work in the video game section. To impress your supervisor, do you... A)Stay over there, help any customers, and keep things organized? or B)Walk around the store and make chitchat with the employees and your friends that come in? Well, obviously, I was wrong in doing I thought was my, you know, job. This whole situation vexes me.

He's, like, halfway to 1,000, man.

I know a guy that smoked oregeno and tried to act high afterwards. Next week, I'm hiding a video camera or two in my friend Sam's house. Now Sam has two things that will make this funny: A huge anger management problem and around 350 DVDs. He also never locks his door. So while someone gets him out of the house, we're going to hide the DVDs and film his reaction. Gold.

I don't even know where to begin.

*Regains conciousness* Someone's sig here is triggering one of those annoying password boxes, in case you want to change that and same us some grief.

USA Weekend Box-Office Estimates 1/23-1/25 Rank Title Weekend Total Gross 1 Butterfly Effect, The (2004) 17.1m 17.1m 2 Along Came Polly (2004) 16.6m 53.5m 3 Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! (2004) 7.5m 7.5m 4 Big Fish (2003) 7.3m 49.1m 5 Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003) 6.9m 337.0m 6 Cheaper by the Dozen (2003) 6.6m 122.0m 7 Cold Mountain (2003) 5.3m 72.9m 8 Torque (2004) 4.4m 17.2m 9 Something's Gotta Give (2003) 4.1m 107.0m 10 Mystic River (2003) 3.1m 58.5m The Butterfly Effect barely edges out the competition and ROTK hangs on to its spot in the top ten. Discuss if necessary.

I think I love you.

No Way Out is a SmackDown PPV, so they'll just do it at the next big RAW instead.