Tony149

Patty rule in effect in case you want the Queen on commentary or whatever. The lights dim and Los Diablos de Fuego and the Love Doctors prance onto the pink and yellow lit stage to the tune of "It's Raining Men" by Geri Halliwell. BUFFER Hailing from Chicago, Illinois, total combine weight 435 pounds, the team of DR. MAX ANDERSON and DR. STEVEN PIGLEY... THE LOOOOOOOOOVE DOCTORS!! And their partners, from beautiful, sunny Cabo San Lucas, México… a tag team muy caliente… LOS DIABLOS DE FFFFFUUUUUEEEEEEEGGOOOOOOOOOO!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" We go from cheers to jeers as "Right Round" by Flo Rida hits. BUFFER Their opponents, led to the ring by QUEEN ESTHER! Here are THE MARDI GRAS HHHEEEEELLLLFIRE CLUB and THE LAST KINGS OF SSSSSCOTLAND!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Queen Esther waves to the masses and they wave back with THE MIDDLE FINGER~! Sheltered from the outside world in her magical kingdom, the gesture flies over the head of Queen Esther, evident by her thanking members of the audience. COACH The youth of America, Cole. Depressing. COLE Be that as it may, we’re about set for 8-man tag team action. The first time we get to see the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club and Last Kings of Scotland together since forming an alliance last week. * DINGDINGDING * No threat in his view Rico lets Moracca apply a side headlock, and easily flings him across. Big man on campus, the King of Mardi Gras struts while STROKING THE ’STACHE~! Able to land on his feet the flaming luchador gives Rico a mock clap, to his disgust. They lockup and Rico throws a knee to the gut, followed by a clubbing forearm to the back and jackhammer-like double axe handle smashes. Rammed into the knee of “Sweet” Lucius Soul, Moracca is shoved into the corner as the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club. Soul unleashes an array of kicks to the body and then a backhand slap! COACH HO2SLEEP~! Whipped off, Moracca counters THE POUNCE INTO A TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER! Quick kiss to Mariachi for the tag and THE FROG SPLASH! The count. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Mariachi wrings the arm and tags Max Anderson, who delivers a SPINNING BACKFIST. He scoops Soul back up only to send him back down courtesy of a LARIAT! But instead of a pin we get a tag as the Love Doctors showcase one of their patent double-team moves… THE MORPHINE BOMB!!! COLE The team of Los Diablos de Fuego and the Love Doctors going all-out here this week. COACH Yeah, because they’re desperate for a win, Cole. A win tonight and all of a sudden both teams are back in the hunt for a tag title shot, which I still maintain belongs to the LDC Moneygang and not the Orange County Cobras. The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY RICO! Into the ropes Soul goes, but he puts on the brakes and makes sure Pigley gets a warm WELCOME TO NAWLINS! COLE Beautifully executed butterfly backbreaker right there. Off the ropes Soul lands a SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Soul rams Pigley into the buckle and tags Scottish Scott. Corner shoulder thrusts knock the air out of Pigley and almost through the top and middle turnbuckle for that matter. Sent for the ride Pigley is doubled over following a blow to the midsection, and then floored by a running knee lift. But rather than go for the pin Scottish Scott attempts a knee drop and meets canvas. Moracca receives the tag and wrenches the arm of Scott, then proceeds to sensually rub the Braveheart’s hands against his genitals! QUEEN ESTHER :o Outraged, Scott levels Moracca with a forearm smash. He tags Danny Boy and the Last Kings of Scotland hit a DOUBLE FLAPJACK! Always ones to pose after high impact moves, Scottish Scott clubs his chest while Danny Boy blows air bagpipes. QUEEN ESTHER (clapping) Bravo! Bravo! It’s back to business as Danny Boy scrapes Moracca off the mat and delivers a PUMPHANDLE FALLAWAY SLAM! Following a brain buster Danny whips Moracca into the corner and tags Lucius Soul who performs his signature 360 STINGER SPLASH! COACH Soul Brother Splash! That leads to another tag, and a devastating RUNNING UPPERCUT by Rico de Janeiro. A body slam follows and so too does a tag. Though it was Scottish Scott who got the tag, both Last Kings scale the buckles for a TOP ROPE DOUBLE LEGDROP!!! COLE Highlander Farewell! And that should do it. Scott makes the cover as his partners cut off the faces. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners… THE MARDI GRAS HELLFIRE CLUB and THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" All the Queen’s men pose triumphantly as the Love Doctors and Mariachi drag Moracca to safety. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The crowd roars as the Citizen Soldiers march ringside surrounded by OAOAST officials. COLE Oh-uh. We may have ourselves a special bonus match. COACH I doubt that. Look at all the security Baron Windels and Tim Cash brought with them. They probably tipped them off to their actions to avoid a physical confrontation with all the Queen’s men. Words are exchanged but no punches are thrown as OAOAST officials do an excellent job keeping the situation under control. COLE You know the Citizen Soldiers will have their day with Queen Esther’s royal band of hell raisers. And I can’t wait.

OAO World Tag Team Title Match Team Heyross © vs. the Orange County Cobras

Dumb it down for this simple man. You got plans?

Unless it interferes with plans I don't know of... 8-man tag The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club/Last Kings of Scotland vs. Los Diablos de Fuego/Love Doctors

From the it's better late than never department, here's my feedback. And if EWC is reading this, I'll get back to you ASAP. Women's title match: I actually thought there might be a title change here because of the whole French/Canada thing. Awesome, awesome sit down with Leon Rodez. It's Macho-Hogan all over again, except Zack's never been presented as being Mr. Nice Guy like Hogan was. I look forward to the eventual wars between the former Usual Suspects. It appears we're getting closer to Tommy G's OAOAST in-ring debut. I can't even remember the last time we had a new character debut that wasn't controlled by one of us already here. 8 person tag: Fun commentary and match. MD vs. Zack: Lack of intros aside, and writing them sucks anyway so it's all good, excellent TV main event. Mr. Dick was robbed! MOTN: CI vs. COD/D*LUX LOL Moment:

The main event will be edited into the show upon completion. But if you're really dying to know, I'm 99% sure And that right there may be a OAOAST first -- spoiler tag use!

The entrance stage fills with gold smoke and purple light as Fedde Le Grand's “Creeps” blares in the background. Dos drops to his knees and chants to his strange and mysterious gods while Uno stands behind him, arms outstretched chanting the same prayer. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, hailing from Port Au Prince, Haiti, the minions of the underworld… DIVINE BROTHERS UNO and DOS... LOS CONQUISADOOOOOORRRRRRRSSSSSSS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Los Conquistadors kick it old school raising a fist in the air. Then “Scream” by Chris Cornell hits and Molly Nerdly leads the Orange County Cobras ringside. BUFFER And their opponents, accompanied by MOLLY NERDLY! From the O.C., total combine weight 460 pounds, the 2009 Anderson Cup champions… SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD... THE ORANGE COUNTY COOOOBRAS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Molly takes the guys’ vests and puts them both on, not to show favoritism I suppose, or her attempt to create a new fashion trend. COACH It’s nice of you not to bring up that Pearl Harbor job the O.C. Cobras did on the LDC Moneygang last week, Cole. COLE They’ve done a good job raising hell about it the past week, despite the fact they instigated it! COACH We could’ve been spared that whole mess had the OAOAST named the One Man Triple Threat and CMJ the #1 contenders like they should‘ve. They beat the O.C. Cobras once already and gave Team Heyross quite a scare at AngleMania. * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds and rather than lockup Uno performs a ritualistic dance around Simon Singleton. Amused, Simon playfully does a few dance moves of his own, then suddenly falls to the mat and begins to convulse. NED/MOLLY :huh: COLE What’s that maniac doing to him? COACH I don’t know but that spell obviously worked. He’s got Simon incapacitated. Uno goes for the pin…AND GETS THUMBED IN THE EYE! COLE He was playing possum! COACH That’s sick, Cole. Sick! The guy toyed with people’s emotions. Simon rams Uno into the buckle and chops away in the corner. Ned receives the tag and scores on a back elbow, then a middle rope knee drop following a slam. The O.C. Cobras make another quick tag and hit the old Midnight Express drop toehold/elbow drop! The cover. ONE! TWO! NO! Dos rakes the eyes! COACH Simon got a taste of his own medicine right there, Mikey Cole. Uno violently introduces Simon into the knee of Dos. A tag follows and Simon is whipped to the ropes, then into the air where he’s drilled coming down with a double dropkick! COLE That caught Simon right in the breadbasket. It could be over right here. The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY NED! Dos dumps Simon outside and baits Ned inside so Uno can do a number on Simon behind the referee‘s back! COLE This is ridiculous! Turn around, ref! Uno “helps” Simon back in and Dos whips him hard into the buckle, then charges in and delivers a CORNER HANDSPRING ELBOW~! NO!! Simon moves and executes a DOUBLE COCONUT! COACH How quickly the tide can change, Cole. The O.C. Cobras tag and Ned unloads on both Conquistadors, including a pair of body slams. He whips Uno into the ropes for a BAAAAAAACK body drop, then clotheslines him outside. When he turns Dos is there waiting. The Handsome Hustler evades a charge and spins Dos around 360 with a lariat. Simon is tagged back in and the O.C. Cobras debut a brand new double-team move, a SLINGSHOT SUPLEX/SPRINGBOARD CROSSBODY combo! The count. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * “Scream” cues as we get the official announcement. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners… SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD... THE ORANGE COUNTY COOOOBRAS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Their hands raised in victory Simon and Ned signal they want the gold. COLE There you see it, fans. The Orange County Cobras want the One & Only World tag team titles and they’ll have to opportunity to get them when they meet Team Heyross at School’s Out. COACH A shot that should’ve gone to Spencer Reiger and CMJ, the LDC Moneygang. COLE Whine all you want, the match has been finalize.

Even though I don't really feel like writing anything this week (post-AM burnout doesn't go away easily, lol)... The Orange County Cobras vs. Los Conquistadors

Done. And regarding OAOAST Mod status at The Pit, I brought that up to Zack some weeks ago and he says we should have the same powers there as we do here but we don't. I knew I didn't, now I know you don't either. The only part of the OAOAST section I can moderate is GCF, although I see no option to pin topics. Is it the same with you, Mod power in GCF only? I'm thinking because GCF is supposed to be private whoever granted us access thought we only needed it for that and not the other subforums.

True, but I don't recall anybody ever using spoiler tags after a show's been posted.

I don't get paid to do accents! But much obliged nonetheless. And Denver is up 3-0 on Dallas!

Zack comes into the ring, but as he does, Dick runs over and kicks the middle rope, crotching Zack! A stunned Malibu is then pulled into the ring, where Dick works him over. Dick then yanks the World Title off of Zack's waist and readies for a BELTSHOT~!, but when he goes for it, Zack ducks! Malibu opens fire with right hands, causing Dick to drop the title belt, and a final right hand knocks Dick out through the ropes and to the floor! Malaysia panics and rushes over to Dick, helping him to his feet, but all that does is set Dick up for Malibu to nail him with the AIR MALIBU~! COLE I don't think this is the way Dick intended things to start out! Zack pulls Dick up, but when he goes to nail him with another right hand, Malaysia grabs his arm from behind! Zack, distracted by her, turns away from Dick for a split second, but that's all that's needed for Dick to boot him in the gut and then hurl him into the ring steps! The sound of Zack's body colliding with the steel makes a loud THUD~!, knocking the steel steps free from their base! Zack starts to come up, but Dick grabs him, then runs him backwards into the guardrail! COACH Maybe it wasn't, but I betcha this is! Charles Robinson slides out of the ring and tries to contain the fracas, ordering Dick to take it in the ring. Dick puts his hands up and begs off, but Malibu bursts forward and takes him down with a tackle! Zack throws some wild punches until Robinson pries him off, but Zack brushes past the referee and goes after Dick again! He grabs Dick, but a thumb to the eyes puts the tide back in Dick's favor, as he shoves Zack into the ring. Once Dick slides in, Robinson hurriedly calls for the bell, and it sounds just as Dick comes behind Zack and drops him with a back suplex! Malibu rolls away, while Dick hovers over him, brushing him across the head with light kicks, taunting the champion before pulling him up, then snapping him back to the canvas! Zack comes up holding his head, so Dick takes him and fires him off to the corner...but Dick's charge is cut off by Zack kicking a foot up! Dick runs right into Malibu's size 11, and the champion comes at him, rocking him with repeated open hand strikes, each one causing the cheers to grow louder and louder until he puts an exclamation point on it all by flooring Dick with a European uppercut! Malibu waves him on, urging him to get to his feet, then fires him off and sends him airborne with a back bodydrop! Malibu then rushes Dick as he comes up and nails him with a lariat, dumping him over the ropes and sending the cocky challenger out to the floor! COLE Zack Malibu is a house of fire here tonight, and all that pent up rage and aggression is exuding from the World Champion here in the early going! COACH That sounds kinda gross, Mikey Cole. COLE You know what I'm saying, Coach. With the cockiness of Mister Dick, going so far as to interrupt the Sly Sommers Memorial Show, and the backstabbing by that Judas, Leon Rodez on HeldDOWN~! recently, Zack's been overwhelmed, and he's channeling it here in this defense. COACH He can channel it all he wants, but it might be too much to handle, even for Zack! Zack runs the ropes, looking for a trademark tope...but Dick moves out of the way before Zack leaves his feet! Taking Malaysia by the hand, Dick waves Malibu off and goes storming up the ramp, apparently not wanting anymore of the World Champion! COLE Apparently Dick's the one whose had too much to handle! The referee stars the count, but Malibu hops out of the ring and races up the ramp, spinning Dick around and flooring him with a right hand! Malaysia shrieks as Zack brings Dick up and traps his arms, then starts USING THE KNEES~!, only to have Malaysia jump on his back! Zack breaks the hold on Dick and does his best to shake Malaysia off, but she doesn't move until Dick recovers and yanks her off so that he can deliver a kick to Zack's gut and then suplex him on the ramp! Dick stomps down the World Champion, all thanks to the distraction of his significant other, then grabs Malibu's arm and drags him down the ramp to ringside before picking him up and tossing him in! Dick climbs into the ring and walks over to Zack, planting a kneedrop on the champion, then pulls him up to his feet and sends him into the corner. He charges, but Zack puts a foot up, knocking Dick senseless for a moment, then bursts out of the corner with fists flying, his right hand connecting with Dick's cheekbone numerous times before taking him and ramming his head repeatedly into the top buckle! Zack then throws Dick in the corner and opens fire with a series of chops, blistering the pectoral area of the former Jock Mulligan! He whips Dick across the ring, then goes for the ZACK ATTACK II~!, but Dick moves out of the way! Zack catches himself on the ropes, but Dick thinks quick and dumps Malibu over the top, sending the World Champion floating over and crashing to the floor! COACH Atta boy, Dick! COLE He managed to avoid the Zack Attack II, and now the champ is out on the floor yet again! Dick paces the ring and works the crowd, allowing himself to power up while Malibu lay dazed on the outside. The referee gets to the count of five, and its at that point that Dick hops out of the ring, soccer kicking Malibu as he's pushing himself up. Once again, Dick throws Zack back into the ring after hitting a shot on the floor, but this time Dick heads to the top rope! The Deadly Alliance member measures Zack, who comes up coughing and holding the ribs that Dick just kicked in...but when Dick leaps off the top with a double axehandle, Malibu catches him with an inverted atomic drop, then hurls him overhead with a release belly to belly suplex! COLE Malibu caught Dick! COACH Heh heh heh! COLE Juvenille. Dick rolls to his feet and seeks solace in the corner, but Malibu gets up and runs across the ring, crushing Dick against the buckles with a Stinger splash! He pulls him out of the corner and goes for a German, but Dick won't budge, so Zack unloads with forearms to the back of his neck, then carries him over! Zack rolls with it, hitting two more German Suplexes before spinning Dick around, hitting another inverted atomic drop, then a Northern Lights suplex! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COLE That was the first pin either man went for so far, and it won't be the last, as Mister Dick kicks out! Zack brings Dick up, rocking him against the ropes with a European uppercut, then firing him off to the far side and connecting with a dropkick! Dick rolls to his feet, but Malibu backs him in the corner and unloads with chops, each one harder than the previous! Red welts start to form on Dick's chest as Malibu unleashes the barrage, and then he hoists Dick up and crotches him on the top rope! He climbs up, but Dick hits a shot to the gut, then stands up on the ropes, grabbing Zack and floating over his back, pulling Zack off the ropes with a sunset flip power...NO! Malibu counters with a rana! COLE Malibu counters in the nick of time! Dick comes up confused, wondering what just happened, but regains his composure just in time to see Malibu rushing him, and delivers a boot to the face! Dick then scrapes Malibu off the mat and sets him up before dropping him with a thunderous powerbomb in the center of the ring! COACH HA! He still got to do what he wanted to do! ONE! TWO! NO! Zack kicks out of the powerbomb, but Dick is all over him as he brings him up and hammers him over the back, then scoops Zack up and runs him to the corner...SNAKE EYES! Malibu hobbles back, but Dick hits the ropes and NAILS Zack with a murderous lariat! Malaysia shrieks with glee, applauding as her man stomps Malibu down, then delivers a scowl to the crowd, who hate him enough as it is! COLE Mister Dick will stop at nothing to become World Champion, and he is letting the crowd know it tonight! Dick presses his foot against Zack's throat, holding the ropes as he chokes the champion out! Robinson starts the five count, but Dick backs off at four, only to engage the ref in an argument. Of course, we know why that is, and its evident when Malaysia comes over and starts choking Zack herself, getting some licks in on the World Champion! Zack rolls out to the apron and pulls himself up, but Dick hits a running boot, and Malibu goes sailing off the apron, crashing into the barricade outside! COACH Take it to 'em, Dick! COLE Dick's taking it to the outside again, the same strategy he's used all night. COACH He can beat Zack all over this damn arena if he wants too. If he keeps Zack moving, Zack's got less of a chance to be able to fight back while trying to figure out what Dick's trying to do! Dick comes out of the ring and picks Zack up, dropping him chest first across the barricade a second time! He clobbers Zack, beating him down, then turns and spits at a front row fan! Dick sneers as the crowd boos loudly, and he picks Zack up and throws him back first into the apron, then starts hammering him with punches, beating him down to the floor! Charles Robinson slides out and tries to stop it, but Dick shoves him away! Robinson tries to get him back in the ring, but now Malaysia comes over and spins the ref around, arguing with him so that Dick can work Zack over some more. Dick goes and yanks Michael Buffer out of his seat, cocking the steel chair in his hands and blasting Zack across the back with it! Dick throws the chair down and shoves Zack into the ring, and that's Malaysia's cue to stop the distraction. Dick rolls Zack onto his back, and Robinson slides into the ring to make the count! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! NO! KICKOUT! Dick pounds the mat, shouting at Robinson that it's his fault that wasn't a three count. He scoops Zack up and then carries him to the corner, throwing him hard against the buckles! Zack staggers forward, and DIck hoists him up for the COCK BLOCK~!, but Malibu slips out and shoves Dick forward, crashing into Robinson! Dick spins around, right into SCHOOL'S OUT, but as Malibu steps back after delivering the superkick, Malaysia slips into the ring and nails Zack with a low blow, dropping him as well! COLE Good lord! Dick's down, Zack's down, the ref's down, and now what's Malaysia doing? Malaysia, ever the opportunist, slides out of the ring and grabs the chair...the same chair that was slammed against Zack's back just mere minutes ago. She slides it into the ring, then runs over to Dick and slaps his cheek, trying to get him to come to, but he's out! Zack starts to get up and Malaysis freaks, so she grabs the chair and holds it over her head, then brings it down on Zack's back! COACH Atta girl! COLE Dick's out cold, but Malaysia is taking advantage of this situation and making sure that Zack isn't the first one up! All of a sudden, ANGLESAULT rushes the ring, making his way past the fallen bodies and grabbing the chair from Malaysia's hands! Malaysia, incensed at the interference of the OAOAST founder tries to slap him, but Anglesault grabs her wrist to prevent it...THEN HITS THE ANGLE SLAM ON MALAYSIA~! COACH YO~! COLE He just floored Malaysia! The crowd erupts as Anglesault looks down at what's he's done, and picks up the steel chair. He turns around and sees Mister Dick looking at him, cursing him out for what he's just done...SO HE NAILS HIM WITH THE STEEL CHAIR~! Anglesault then gets rid of the chair and drags Zack onto Dick, exiting the ring before Charles Robinson sees him! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COACH Are you KIDDING ME!? COLE Turnabout is fair play, Coach! COACH What does that even mean!? Anglesault splits Dick's wig, and it's OK because he's Zack's buddy? COLE Anglesault wouldn't have been out here if it wasn't for the actions of Mister Dick and Malaysia, and I'm not defending Anglesault's actions, but let's face it...it was an eye for an eye. COACH Not in MY eyes, playa. Zack Malibu got a handout from his buddy, and THAT'S why he's still the champion. As "Getting Away With Murder" plays, Anglesault enters the ring, helping Zack to his feet while Robinson gets the World Title. Zack is confused, still dazed from the chair shots, as he looks around and sees both Malaysia laid out and Dick bleeding on the canvas. Anglesault tries to usher him out of the ring, but Zack stops, and throws the World Title down, now entering in an argument with his friend. COLE If it's any consolation, Coach, it looks like Zack doesn't agree with this either! Zack can be heard asking Anglesault what happened, and Anglesault replies with "I did what I had to do, I saved you!" to the champion. Zack doesn't look happy, but Anglesault seems mad at the accusations, repeatedly telling Zack that he only came out to help him. Zack, not pleased, picks up his World Title and exits the ring, walking away from his friend. COLE Some obvious tension now between the OAOAST founder and the World Champion. Zack Malibu retains the OAOAST World Title tonight, thanks to Anglesault, but Malibu looks anything but thankful for that! COACH He's LUCKY, Cole. L-U-C-K-Y. Malibu walks up the ramp, head down, belt slung over his shoulder, while Anglesault looks on from the ring. Zack gets to the top of the ramp and turns, locking eyes with his friend, as we close out the Amazing French Canadian Spectacular. © 2009 OAOAST Entertainment All Rights Reserved.

TV 14 L, V PRESENTED IN HD * DUN DUN DUN DUNNA, DUN DUN DUNNA * Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat on his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the computer...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid's shock and delight. THE OAOAST...WHAT THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD IS READING~! THE AMAZING FRENCH CANADIAN SPECTACULAR Cue the FIREWORKS~! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM~! LIVE! Montreal, Quebec, Canada We pan around the sold out Bell Centre and in on various signs displaying their love or hate for some of the OAOAST superstars. COLE (Voice-Over) 3 weeks until School's Out down in the Big Easy, New Orleans, Louisiana, the OAOAST presents the Amazing French Canadian Spectacular! Over to the longtime OAOAST broadcast team we go at Sofa Central, joined for no real reason by Los Diablos de Fuego in matching sailor outfits right out of the kids department section. Totally ignored by the announcers they happily wave into the camera and fans ringside. COLE Bonjour! Michael Cole alongside Da Coach for the next 2 hours and what a night of action it should be, including 2 championship matches as Sophie challenges Morgan Nerdly for the Women's title and then the big one, Zack Malibu defending the OAOAST Championship against Mister Dick. But we're gonna kick things off with an 8 person special attraction. So let's head up to the ring!

::Cut to a shot of two large buildings. The camera moves over to show Tommy G. at the wheel of a car:: TOMMY G. Hey, did those buildings look familiar? Yeah, I'm here in town...just cruising around. You never know, I could wind up stopping by the arena tonight. Maybe, maybe not. It's something to think about. COLE Did you see that, he was in town! He could be here in the building right now! COACH Or, he could be in some strip join across town. COLE From what I've seen tonight, there isn't much difference. "We're running with the Shadows Of The Night So baby take my hand, you'll be alright Surrender all your dreams to me tonight They'll come true in the end" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" An icy reception descends as "Shadows Of The Night" plays out the OAOAST Internacional Stable, Cucaracha Internacional. Lead of course by Landon Maddix, not competing tonight but still commanding the spotlight with Megan Skye on his arm. Landon in a dapper white suit wears a big smile on his face, confident in those behind him. James Blonde walks behind Landon, talking up his leader as you'd expect, with Faqu close behind incase he needs controlling, 6-Man Tag Title in his mouth. Behind them is the other third of the 6-Man Champs, Nathaniel Black, sour expression as always. And at the rear, the only man to get any sort of cheers, Todd Cortez the United States Champion. BUFFER The following eight person tag team match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, team number one. Being accompanied to the ring by LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX and MEGAN SKYE. Total combined weight, nine hundred and seventy three pounds. The team consisting of the OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Champions... NATHANIEL BLLLAAAAACK... "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL" FFAAAAAAQQUUUUUU... "THE TRENDSETTER" JJAAAMMMEEEESSS BBLLLLLLOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEE... and their partner, the reigning OAOAST United States Heavyweight Champion, "THE URBAN LEGEND" TOOOOOOOODDDD CCOORRRRRTTEEEEEEZZZZ... together, they are CUCARACHA INTERNACCCIIIIOOOONNAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" The foursome troupe into the ring, all handing over their championship belts to the referee, while Landon and Megan take up seats at Sofa Central. COLE And it looks like we're being joined at ringside by Landon Maddix and Megan Skye... MADDIX Evening gentlemen, good to be hear. Pity you couldn't have fitted us both with headsets but I realise times are tough. COLE Uhm, actually there should be a fourth headset there somewhere... MADDIX Oh it's not important. Megan is left to sit quietly at Landon's side as he gives the thumbs up towards the ring. Guess which one of the four is the first to return it. The thumbs up abruptly stop as "Makes Me Wonder" is cued up and a roar goes up around the arena. Springing from the mouth of the giant sea creature, the ever popular boyband stroke wrestler sensations D*LUX fire up the crowd. In a blatant suck-up to their partners, Tyler wears purple denim attire while Shayne is in yellow denim, which I'm reliably informed are the colours of some basketball team or another. To show what I know, I nearly typed baseball there. The crowd show off their many D*LUX signs to the cameras as the high-energy Tyler and Shayne march the aisle, hand-slapping their way down as ever. BUFFER And introducing the opponents. First, from the great state of Michigan... the team of "TREMENDOUS" TYLER and "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE... D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH What a pair of brown-nosers these kids are. In their dreams. Their wet dreams. About Krista and Alix... COLE I think we get the point on that one, yeah. Stopping short of entering the ring, Tyler and Shayne dole out some more hand-tags before pointing the way for their partners. Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend! Hey, hey, you, you! I know that you like me! No way, no way! No, it's not a secret Hey, hey, you, you!! I want to be your girlfriend! ***COD ENTRANCE*** BUFFER And their tag team partners! First, from Los Angeles, California, she is a two time 24/7 champion, a multi time Angle Award winner….ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is a Hollywood Walk of Famer, the 2009 Wrestler of the year, best selling author, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is the OAOAST’s Miss Money In The Bank, KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! Together they are four time world tag team champions, Hollywood “It” Girls, America's Sweethearts... CCHHHIIIICCKKSSS OOOOVVVVVEEEEEERRRRRR... DDIIIIIIIIIICCKKSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" D*LUX lead the crowd in the raucous cheers for the glamour girls of the OAOAST. Sliding into the ring Alix nibbles at the feet of Shayne and Tyler like a playful little puppy, for reasons only she (at best) could explain, while Krista makes her usual eye-popping entrance as she hangs upside down from the top rope and blows a kiss to camera. MADDIX Yowzers. Once inside Krista and Alix glare across the ring at their opposition, D*LUX behind them and not worried at the lack of acknowledgement from Krista, who they know isn't a people person. COLE So eight-person tag team action with Cucaracha Internacional looking to further display their unity and Chicks Over Dicks looking to get back on the winning track over what is surely the worst run of form they've experienced between them in their career. COACH And what about D*LUX. What are they looking for? A quick accidental grope? Maybe a split-second of eye contact with Krista? Wouldn't that be swell! The two teams go through the troubles of trying to figure out who'll start. Blonde is typically eager to impress but Black isn't wasting time on him tonight and guides him out to the apron. On the opposite side Alix calls a team huddle. And after firing up Tyler, running him through some tactics and offering some words of encouragement, she elects Krista to start. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Starting out with Krista, who you've had your fair share of problems with in the past Landon. MADDIX Yeah but that was a while ago, water under the bridge. I don't hold any ill will towards her. COLE Not sure that feeling's mutual. MADDIX The fact is though, her and Alix, great tag team. Same for D*LUX. But they're two great teams of two, where-as they're facing a great team of four in my men. And that's what's important. Unity. Teamwork. There's no 'I' in team and there's no 'I' in Cucaracha either. COLE What about in Internacional? MADDIX ... Krista loosens up with a few muscle stretches, watching very closely by all three of her partners. And Nathaniel Black. As Krista moves out into the middle of the ring Black calls a halt though. Waving Krista away, he encourages her to tag one D*LUX in, encouraging her to "leave the rough stuff to the blokes". Krista wonders aloud what a "bloke" is, to which Black helpfully explains it means "a geezer, a chap, people with bollocks". Still utterly confused Krista wonders aloud again, which she does have a habit of doing let's be honest, at how Nathaniel is "bastardising our language". Black begins to argue just who's language it really is but bored five seconds in, Krista just decides to slap Nathaniel across the face! COLE Krista has no time for misogynists. MADDIX That's a big word for a pretty lady. Apparantly a slap is enough for Black to put aside his reservations about women in wrestling and lunges for Krista, who evades under his arms. Alix quickly drops to the apron and under the ring, skimming in a bowler hat for Krista before Black can turn around. KRISTA (w/terrible cockney accent) CHIM CHIM'ENEY, CHIM CHIM'ENEY, CHIM CHIM CHEROOO, MY MAID DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH AN' 'NOR DOES FAQU! COLE Well it wasn't as bad as Dick Van Dyke. COACH So does that make Krista... uhm... wait, hang on, I know there's a joke in there somewhere with Krista and Dyke, just gimme a second. Just as annoyed by Krista bad accent as the day he first watched Mary Poppins, Black swings for Krista's head with a lariat. Krista ducks again, losing her bowler hat in the process, which is the least of her worries now. She carries on into the ropes and throws herself at Black with a dropkick. Black staggers back a couple of steps, so Krista repeats the move and backs Black up some more. Third time fails to be the charm though as Black swats away the boots. Krista evades an elbowdrop from the Brit though, quickly rolling to her corner and tagging in Alix. As soon as she enters Alix makes a beeline for the bowler hat and skims it at Black, who gets caught right on the end of the nose with it! COLE Mary Poppins, James Bond, Chicks Over Dicks coming strong with the obscure British film references for Nathaniel Black's benefit! Realising she's just further pissed over Black, Alix backpedals. Black gives chase but gets bamboozled by Alix coming back off the ropes and baseball sliding through his legs. Not bothering to move from the mat Alix stays in a sultry lounging pose for the crowd's pleasure... only moving out of the way when Black tries another elbowdrop! COLE Alix and Krista doing what they do best, being so annoyingly elusive. Black stands with hands on hips, glaring at Alix who's retreated to her corner and sits on the turnbuckles with her fists cocked. Having had enough of this cherade Black angrily slaps Blonde's hand, giving him the tag he'd been asking for, although not quite as firmly as he got. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX Alright, show 'em what you got James! Seeing as Blonde's now in the ring, Krista pleads with Alix to let her get back in, unable to resist the easy prey she's being presented with. "BLONDE SUCKS!" "BLONDE SUCKS!" "BLONDE SUCKS!" "BLONDE SUCKS!" KRISTA No offence sweetie, but I sure as sugar hope they're talking to you, because if they're saying "blondes suck!" then I might just have to kill myself. Ooh, sweet sneakers! Gold spray-paint. Man, you really are The Trendsetter! BLONDE It's not spray-paint, they're gold. KRISTA Oh. Yeah. Okay. You know when Maya was four... you know Maya, she's my daughter, the youngest and most legitimate one, right? Anyway, when she was four, she got into this strange Barbie girl phase that kids get into and she thought it would be a good idea to spray-paint her shoes pink. Oh, it was so adorable. Of course I hadn't realised at that point she'd decided to spray every pair of shoes in the house pink. Thank goodness it was water soluble, otherwise I might only have one daughter today! I've had the adoption agency on speed-dial ever since that day. BLONDE I'm not a little girl! They're real! I paid about $350 for these. KRISTA Yeah, well, that is Canadian dollars. But even so, you got ripped off, spray-paint's only about $10 in the US. BLONDE They're not spray-painted! LOOK! Reaching down Blonde snatches his foot and twists his leg up so Krista can get a better look. KRISTA Thanks. Grabbing Blonde's now easily accessible foot, Krista yanks it forward and causes the back of Blonde's head to bounce off the canvas! COLE Normally I wouldn't say anybody should be too ashamed at being embarrassed by Krista. It happens to the very best. But... that was pretty bad. Blonde gets back to his feet as Krista takes off into the ropes. Dropping back to the mat Blonde tries to trip Krista up, but using her limber legs Krista cartwheels right over the top of him! Blonde quickly gets back to his feet expecting another charge from Krista, but so enamoured with her good-looking cartwheel is she that she decides to call a timeout and let it soak in. As Krista stares at the big screen waiting for the instant replay though, Blonde pounces from behind with clubbing forearms. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX There we go! You can't play into Krista's hands by standing and staring, tempting though it may be, you've got to take the fight to her. After a succession of strikes to the back, Blonde loads Krista up looking for an irish whip. The blonde bombshell... that is, Krista... reverses, hitting the mat much like Blonde did. And much like Krista did Blonde pulls off a cartwheel to evade! MADDIX WHOOOO!! Anything Krista can do, JB can do... almost as well! I mean it was good, just not quite as nice looking. COLE You do realise Megan is right next to you, don't you? Nevermind. Blonde revels in having shown Krista up and taunts Alix and D*LUX, for far too long. Behind him Krista stands with hands on hips, waiting for him to finish up his celebrations. When he finally does, he turns around and is met by a spinning heel kick right to the jaw! COLE Amazingly, James Blonde makes the exact same mistake that Krista did. Is he always such a slow learner, Landon? MADDIX No comment. Holding his mouth Blonde scrambles over to his corner, checking for a busted lip as he slaps Faqu across the chest and points him into the ring. COLE Uh-oh. MADDIX If Krista's as smart as she likes to make out, she won't try any of her funny business and schenanigans with this man. Trust me, you don't want to make him mad. Faqu stomps into the ring, eyes widening and breath deepening as he squares up to Krista. KRISTA Hang on there big fellah... thing... whatever you are. I know just the person to take you down. Oh yeah! He's gonna crush you and he's gonna annihilate you, he told me so himself earlier! He also called you 'doughy'. Go easy on him. Krista turns around and tags Shayne Brave, leaving the ring before Shayne knows what's happened. COLE I don't think Shayne was expected that. COACH That's some messed up strategy there, lemme tell ya. Far from eager to get into the ring, Shayne is encouraged by Krista and Alix to go get him. Shayne doesn't buy into the hype but very tentatively enters the ring, facing up to the big Samoan. With a hint of a smile Faqu pounds his chest and yells in his native tongue, further unnerving Shayne. He looks around before getting a sudden surge of confidence and charging... into a BIG clothesline, knocking him down! COLE Krista feeding Shayne to the wolves, or wolf at least. Shayne staggers into a corner and Faqu follows, trapping the boybander in and driving his body weight forward with some splashes from short-range. By the head he then throws Shayne out of the corner, unceremoniously rolling to his feet. Faqu charges out of the corner looking for another clothesline. But Shayne ducks and comes off the ropes with a forearm that barely shakes the Samoan. Trying again, Shayne fares little better with a second forearm. Hitting the ropes a third time he ducks underneath a swing from Faqu and leaves his feet... ...only to get SWATTED out of the air!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Krista and Alix turn to each other and shrug their shoulders. Faqu, on orders, covers... 1... 2... No! Dragging Shayne by the arm to the corner, Faqu tags Todd Cortez. COLE And in comes the United States Champion, with those deadly kicks! After a couple of them to the chest Cortez picks Shayne back up and sends him to the ropes. Back elbows knocks him down, Cortez coming off the far side with a follow up kneedrop... 1... 2... No! Leading Shayne to his feet Cortez measures his opponent for another, hard kick to the chest. MADDIX I've been on the recieving end of those and let me tell you, they hurt. COLE Which might explain why you're so happy to have Todd Cortez as a part of Cucaracha Internacional now. MADDIX ...that's part of it, sure. Wringing the arm Todd loads Shayne up for another irish whip. Up and over the top goes Shayne though, catching Cortez with a dropkick to the knee before he can recover. The US Champ goes down to a knee and Shayne quickly calls for some assistance, Tyler coming in to help sandwich Cortez's head between stereo dropkicks! COLE D*LUX, pumping that Surround Sound! Tyler is back out before '5' and Shayne looks for '3'... 1... 2... Kickout. Shayne makes the quick tag to Tyler, happy to be out of the ring. Taking over, "Tremendous" Tyler lays into Cortez with a series of forearms before sending him to the ropes. Ducking his head early costs Tyler though as Cortez boots him in the shoulder, then knocks him off his feet with a clothesline. MADDIX Come on guys, let's get those tags going, keep one of them in there. Landon doles out the advice as Todd tags Black back in. The Brit wastes no time in snatching Tyler and nailing him with a thunderous forearm smash. Eyes crossing, Tyler falls back into a corner. Black stomps him against the turnbuckles, before turning on the Black Hammer, cuffing Tyler across the ears with left and right clubs until the referee intervenes. COLE Nathaniel Black, just BULLYING~! Tyler in the corner. Once he's shrugged the referee off, Black brings Tyler out of the corner and into a back suplex. Cover... 1... 2... NO! Pinning his knee into the back of Tyler's head, Black reaches up and tags James Blonde back in. Eager as ever he leaps in and puts the boots to the defenceless Tyler before running up the turnbuckles and antagonising the crowd. BLONDE WHO'S THE MAN?! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Rolling her eyes, Krista casually shakes the middle ropes, forcing Blonde to get down before he falls down. MADDIX Hey! Uncalled for! COLE He shouldn't have been showboating in the first place. MADDIX Well at least give him a chance to finish. I'm pretty sure he was going to say I was the man. Now we'll never know. Tyler tries to take advantage of this opportunity to tag, but Blonde gets his head back in the game in time to cut it off. Stomping Tyler down, he drags him out into the centre of the ring and applies a camel clutch. COLE Look at this, pointing him right in the direction of his corner, just to further torment everyone. COACH Krista doesn't look too tormented to me. Seeing as there's no chance of a tag, Krista uses this time to touch up her makeup. The cheering is left to Shayne and the crowd to try and get Tyler going. Blonde shakes his head and tells the crowd not to waste their time though. "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" Willed on by the crowd, Tyler tries to fight to his feet and Blonde, realising he's losing control, quickly waves Nathaniel Black into the ring to help him out. The referee goes to cut Black off, but has to take a detour as Krista steps into the ring. KRISTA Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to get your thoughts. (pulls out newspaper) According to this study, the French have a far better standard of living than the Americans do. They live longer, sleep longer, eat more but weigh less. My question posed to you is, is it worth it, to live this longer life amongst the filth of a second rate nation? With the referee distracted by this pertinent question, Cucaracha Internacional spring into action. Black delivers a European uppercut on Tyler, rolling him back to his feet and shoving him forwards, where Blonde and Cortez are waiting with a pair of back elbows to the gut. Tyler doubles over, falling prey to a combination kick to the back from Cortez and kick to the front from Blonde, before they step aside allowing Black to steam through Tyler with a LARIAT!! COLE What a combination! MADDIX And it's not over yet! NO IT'S NOT, AS FAQU CRUSHES TYLER WITH A BIG SPLASH FOR GOOD MEASURE!!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Quadruple team from Cucaracha Internacional, showing tremendous cohesion! COACH And Krista looks about as concerned as the Lakers did in Game 4. MADDIX Well, that reference went over my head. Able to get Krista to continue her editoral browsing on the apron, the ref turns around to see Blonde pinning Tyler... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE Tyler showing some heart and determination. Blonde reaches out and tags in Black, keeping hold of Tyler for his British ally. After a punt to the ribs Black pulls Tyler up, scooping and slamming him down. Taking a rare risk Black then climbs to the middle turnbuckle, safely in his own corner, flicking the V-sign to COD and Shayne before delivering a flying kneedrop from the second rope! Leg hooked... 1... 2... Save by Shayne! COLE D*LUX getting punished here by the force of Cucaracha Internacional. COACH And Chicks Over Dicks having a cute old time out on the apron, letting the poor saps do all the work. MADDIX That's women for you. We hear a quiet 'ow' from Landon, presumably from a sublte dig in the shins, as Black tags in Blonde once again. Holding Tyler wide open he gives Blonde a free shot to the ribs. Blonde then quickly snapmares Tyler over and follows Black's route to the middle rope, delivering the Marty Jannetty Fistdrop! COLE Well there's a first! I don't think Blonde's ever successfully hit that fistdrop in about five years. And he's so shocked, he almost forgot to go for a cover! 1... 2... NO! Pulling Tyler back up Blonde yells at the crowd to quieten down as some D*LUX support starts bubbling again. He nails Tyler with a right hand, dropping him to a knee while he waves for some quiet. Another right hand buys him some more time for stalling. But Blonde takes too long and Tyler fires back. Right hands to the midsection rock Blonde and give Tyler an opening... ...until Black reaches in and tugs on his hair, distracting him long enough for Blonde to deliver a knee to the breadbasket. COLE Come on, from the outside! MADDIX That's what you get for having long hair in 2009. Blonde reaches out for a tag and after some hesitation Todd Cortez accepts it. Together Todd and James navigate their way to deliver a double whip, hardly making great communication. Cortez steps out in front of Blonde and catches Tyler as he comes back off the ropes with a double leg pick-up. Off the ropes, Blonde builds up a head of steam... for no reason, as Todd jars Tyler with the Crotch Droppah and he falls to the mat. COLE Not sure that was what Blonde had in mind. Definately not as Blonde gets in Todd's face about "doing the hart attack deal with the clothesline". In this time, Tyler starts to get back up. COLE A little bit of dissention here, Cortez and Blonde need to get their heads in the game. MADDIX No kidding, COME ON GUYS! The arguement continues until Tyler gets back to his feet. Todd shoves past Blonde, managing to catch a boot from Tyler. The Tremendous One gets his balance though and throws an enziguri... which Cortez ducks, causing BLONDE to get kicked in the back of the head! KRISTA That was... unfortunate. Cortez starts to check if Blonde is okay out of instinct, but then just shrugs his shoulders as The Trendsetter rolls under the bottom rope. When he turns around Tyler is bearing down on him, causing the US Champion to sidestep. Tyler avoids a nasty collision by running up the turnbuckles to the top, diving ba... NO! Tyler gives Cortez the Auburn Hills Fakeout! The shoulder fake sends Cortez to the mat with a defensive duck, allowing Tyler to tuck and roll off the top over Cortez, turning a sharp right to MAKE THE TAG!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE HERE COMES ALIX! Leaping into the ring, Alix attacks with the HELICOPTER, twirling around with her arms outstretched and knocking down Blonde, then Cortez, then Blonde again with her flailing fists!! Soon getting dizzy from this unorthodox attack Alix takes a moment to get her bearings back. Cortez tries to capitalise with a shoulder charge but Alix spots him coming. She scoops the US Champ up, only for Todd to escape over the back and deliver a kick to the back of the leg. ALIX OOOOoowowwwoowow!! Cortez loads up a second kick, but freezes when he sees Alix hunched over wailing and crying. COACH Oh, he caught her good! COLE Alix might be hurt here. Understandably Todd feels some remorse at having caused a hot young woman to cry and doesn't follow up, despite Nathaniel Black yelling from the apron to do so. Both he and the referee are concerned for Alix who continues to sob. Loudly. Todd tries to help her up, but the leg is in too bad shape. Krista gives Todd a stern look and he apologises deeply that he didn't mean it. Which allows Alix to emerge from her trap, leap up and bring Cortez down with a diamond cutter! MADDIX What a lowdown, rotten, no-good cheap ass trick. Alix jumps around, jumps around, jumps up jumps up and gets down and having out-smarted someone. Not impressed, Nathaniel Black runs in and tries to take her head off with a lariat. But Alix ducks out of the way and Krista casually sits on the middle rope, lowbridging it causing Black to go flying through the ropes to the floor. MADDIX For what it's worth, I didn't mean trick as a byword for prostitute in that comment earlier. I just meant she turned a trick on him. COACH I gotcha. Back to Cortez, Alix delivers a spinning wheel kick to fell him. She then hits the ropes, slowing down to make the run useless and positioning herself at Todd's side as she extends her arms... ALIX BALLIN'~~!!! Alix gazes up, watching as her imaginary free-throw bounces off of the imaginary rim, hits the imaginary backboard, back into the imaginary rim... and bounces out. Hanging her head in disappointment, Alix trudges over to her corner and tags out, forgetting all about her opponent or any elbow dropping. Taking a seat on the ring steps she grabs a towel and puts it over her head to hide her shame. MADDIX Well that was strange. COACH I know, Alix is usual deadly from the free-throw line. Realising he's been tagged in, Shayne steps into the ring... ...and almost gets knocked OUT of the ring as Faqu MOWS him down with a shoulder charge! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Krista is busy consolling Alix on her missed shot, leaving Faqu free to do as he will to young Shayne. Dragging him into the centre of the ring Faqu hooks a waistlock and DUMPS him with a High Angle Backdrop Suplex! Pressing him down he sticks his tongue out to camera... 1... 2... SAVE BY TYLER!! COLE Thank goodness "Tremendous" Tyler was alert there, because Shayne wasn't kicking out! Ever! Tyler clubs away on the back of Faqu, having little or no effect but showing his persistence. Persistence which annoys Faqu, shoving Tyler away as he stands back up. Rolling through to his feet Tyler charges, ducking underneath a clothesline. Coming back off the ropes Tyler goes for a crossbody... ill-advised, as he gets caught in a SAMOAN DROP!!! COLE Three hundred pound Samoan Drop! Krista climbs back to the apron. And instead of coming in to help, she obeys the rules and grabs the tag rope, watching on. The same can't be said for James Blonde, who crawls in and starts to direct his Samoan Wrecking Ball. MADDIX These kids are there for the taking, you've just got to put something on one of them and put him away. Whipped into a corner, Tyler is nailed with a clothesline. Blonde then sweeps the legs away, leaving Tyler sat against the bottom turnbuckle for the RUNNING POSTERIOR OF FAQU!!! FAQU BLARGAHHGAGRH!!! KRISTA Ah, sweet, beautiful drunk talk. Same again for Shayne, but Faqu goes in first this time... and MISSES with an avalanche in the corner! Blonde tries to make up for Faqu's mistake, only for Shayne to move again, causing Blonde to clothesline Faqu! But Blonde knows his partner well enough to know he can take it and quickly chains it into a side headlock, not for his usual bulldog but for a BATTERING RAM that knocks Shayne clean off his feet!!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE There's using your head! COACH Vintage bad jokes! Faqu beats his chest as Blonde celebrates... ...AND TURNS AROUND TO GET HIT WITH KIDOLOGY!!!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" COLE KRISTA NAILS IT!! MADDIX *thud* Faqu tries to charge Krista, but she pulls the top rope down sending him up and over the top. Dropping his headset Landon rushes to his team's aid... and regrets it the moment KRISTA DIVES THROUGH THE ROPES AND WIPES HIM OUT WITH A SUICIDE DIVE!!!! COACH AAAAHHHHHHHH!! COLE DOWN GOES LANDON!! Back in the ring, Nathaniel Black and Todd Cortez slide in. They watch as Krista gets back to her feet and turns back to the ring, unconcerned with what she sees and more concerned with chatting up Megan Skye. Which leaves Black and Cortez with D*LUX at their mercy. The two beaten and battered boybanders struggle to their feet, unaware that they're being stalked by their opponents. They each spot each other's stalker and point to the other to turn around. And when they do, Shayne gets NAILED with the BLACK LARIAT, while Cortez boots Tyler in the gut setting up the RIOT ACT PLUS!!!~1~!1!11!! COLE Krista and Alix are out here with Megan, they didn't see a thing I don't think! Double covers... 1... 2... 3!!!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And Cucaracha Internacional win in their 4 on 4 challenge! Krista hears the bell and glances over her shoulder to see the match is over. She and Alix strangely don't look too concerned with the result though, although them turning around does allow Megan to scuttle away which is of annoyance. Cortez and Black both have their hands raised in victory, a nod of respect between the two when they catch eyes. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of JAMES BLONDE, FAQU, NATHANIEL BLACK and TODD CORTEZ... CUCARACHA IIIIINNTTEEERRRRNNAAAAACCCIIIOOOOONNNAAAALLLLLL!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Stepping over the beaten boyband pair Black and Cortez leave the ring, waiting in the aisle as Faqu carries Blonde over his shoulder and Megan does her best to do the same with Landon, nursing a bump on his head which is so severe he must have lost the power in his legs. COACH Proof as if further proof were needed, the best unit in the OAOAST, Cucaracha Internacional. COLE Well I hate to say it but Krista and Alix really went down without a strong fight. Krista hit Kidology on Blonde and could have had the match won from there, but instead took out Landon here in front of us. Had she gone for a pin instead, who knows? Instead she was out here with Alix and Megan and D*LUX were left to fend for themselves. COACH Well what did they expect? Krista and Alix are only concerned about themselves. COLE And they're usually concerned about inflicting painful humiliating defeats on their opponents. But tonight, it's D*LUX suffering the pain and the indignity. Krista and Alix eventually slide back into the ring, standing over D*LUX as they struggle to get back to their feet. The departing Cucaracha Internacional are watched until they disappear back through the shark's mouth. COD then turn their attentions back to the boyband duo. As they get to their feet Shayne and Tyler are oblivious to Krista and Alix waiting behind them and the stares directed their way. As Krista and Alix move forward they turn around and perhaps expecting criticism they flinch, only for Chicks Over Dicks to show rare compassion and raise their arms to the crowd. COLE Well, how about that. The crowd show their appreciation for the four as COD leave with D*LUX a few slower, wearier steps behind them. Watching backstage on a monitor, Jade Rodez-Duncan wears a pensive look as she turns to Bohemoth stood next to her. JADE That can't be good. AMAZING FRENCH CANADIAN SPECTACULAR The OAOAST Championship is on the line MR. DICK CHALLENGES ZACK MALIBU NEXT!

We go down to Sofa Central, where Michael Cole and Coach are suddenly in 'solemn mode'. COLE A couple of weeks ago on HeldDOWN, one of the most shocking acts ever perpetrated on OAOAST TV took place as Leon Rodez brutally and savagely attacked his once best friend Zack Malibu. The world was shocked and so far, we've had no explanation from Leon, despite the bombardment of the OAOAST Marks demanding it. OAOAST President Josie Baker, like the rest of us, also wanted an explanation. And although Leon... 'declined' to show up in person here tonight, we finally got that explanation as our boradcast colleague Josh Matthews was given the task of sitting down for a candid interview with the fallen idol earlier this week. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ EARLIER THIS WEEK DETROIT, MICHIGAN A dark studio setting is where we find ourselves, with Josh sat in a chair in front of Leon. The two are face to face but Leon seems reluctant to make any eye contact. Keeping his head down, the unshaven Leon looks around the floor, his eyes darker and colder than usual. MATTHEWS You join me, Josh Matthews, alongside one of the most beloved and now one of the most controversial stars in the OAOAST, former World Heavyweight Champion Leon Rodez. Still refusing to look up, Leon casts his look at the floor at the word 'former'. MATTHEWS And Leon I guess the first question and the most important is pretty obvious. Everybody wants to know, why? No answer. MATTHEWS Leon, nobody can quite understand this. How you could have done this. Your friends, your family, your fans. They just want to know why. What possible justification you could have. Still no answer. MATTHEWS Leon. Why would you do this to your best friend and turn your back on everything you've ever believed in? Glancing up, Leon shakes his head. LEON Maybe it's because everything I ever believed in was a lie. Leon lifts his head. LEON This past year has been nothing but heartache heaped upon heartache. Friendships, relationships, personally and professionally. But I sat back and I took it all with a smile. Because deep down I believed that good things happen to good people and sooner or later things'd pick up. But they didn't. I thought that'd change once I won the OAOAST Title. But it didn't. Moving forward on his chair Leon finally becomes a bit more animated. Almost angry. Almost, but as if he can't. LEON All I've ever wanted was to be OAOAST Champion. And contrary to popular belief, that's more than just the belt, or the paycheck. It was all about being the best. The flagbearer, the standard bearer of the company. That's what I wanted. There was no greed or selfishness in me. Only good intentions. Instead, all I got was more misery and more disappointment. I tried to be a role model. A better champion than those before like Popick or Drek Stone. I tried to be upstanding, instead of them, in it for personal glory. Just like I tried to be the good guy all my life. And where did it get me? Nowhere. A bitter expression on his face Leon sits back again. LEON Anytime Zack Malibu needed my help, I was there for him. I bled. I bruised. I nearly had my neck broken. All to help him out in his time of need because deep down I believed that someday, somewhere, that favour would be repaid and my good deeds would be returned in kind. And I was wrong. Anytime Jade needed my help I was there for her and look how that turned out. Melody and Maggie? Blonde and Faqu? The GPX? All I did was give, give, give and all people ever did was take, take, take and I was too stupid to realise that I was no more than a human doormat for the people who didn't care, for them to walk all over. Josh looks concerned as Leon takes a moment's pause. LEON Until a couple of weeks ago, I was still blind to it. But now I've seen the light. Life isn't fair. It never has been, never will be. See, good things don't happen to good people. Good people get exploited, because they're too dumb to realise that their good deeds will go unrewarded. MATTHEWS Well it's understandable that you'd feel disillusioned after losing the World Title, bu... LEON I'm not disillusioned. I just see the world for what it really is now. A constant, bitter disappointment. Life is a lie. There is no fairytale, no dream come true. Just brief interludes of hope to set you up for the next big disappointment. The only consolation is, I no longer hold onto false hope that things are going to pick up and that blue skies are just around the corner. Leon glares down again. LEON Being a good guy cost me the World Title. Being a good guy meant that I couldn't accept the victory I got over Zack Malibu because of a technicality. Being the good guy that I was caused me to get that match restarted, because I thought that Zack Malibu would have done the same for me if the roles were reversed. Looking back, I'm disgusted with myself for being such a pathetic excuse for a human being. But I saw the light. Through Zack Malibu. MATTHEWS Zack Malibu was your friend, Leon. You've been through everything together in this company. You've spent years of your life on the road together. Doesn't that mean anything to you? LEON Nothing means anything anymore. The cold look in Leon's eyes unnerves Josh. LEON I gave him everything. I was there everytime he got himself into trouble, because deep down I believed that if the roles were reversed he'd be there for me. And he NEVER was. Where was he for me? Where was he when my World Title matches kept getting disrupted? Where was he when Mister Dick was terrorising me and my family? Where was he when I needed a pick-me-up and a confidence boost and somebody to tell me that I was a great World Champion no matter what everyone was saying behind my back!? Oh, he was there alright. He was there to challenge me to a title match when I was at my most vulnerable. And I thought at the time that it was a selfless gesture, that he really wanted to help me out. Well I finally woke up. After four years of being Zack Malibu's doormat... after four years of being LIFE's doormat... I've had enough. Because if good things happened to good people, then when I sacrificed myself two weeks ago and took a chairshot to save Zack Malibu's hide, I would have got some kind of gratitude in return. Instead, Zack went for the title, went for the fans... he ignored me. And he waved everything I refused to belief directly in my face when he stood with his back turned to me holding that World Title over his head. That's when I realised that everything I'd ever done for him meant nothing. Not to him. And not to me. Leon shakes his head. LEON But even then, even then I couldn't get any satisfaction from breaking away from him and everybody else who's used and abused me. Even when I delivered that chair to the back. Even when I slapped on that Liontamer, I wanted to feel something. I wanted to feel happy, or avenged, or even to feel guilt over it. Something. Anything. You want to know how I felt? Empty. The same as I have for months. Running a hand across his head Leon looks down at the floor distantly. LEON Zack Malibu is dead to me. My friends, dead to me. The fans, dead to me. I've been plumbed so deep emotionally by them all that I've got nothing left. Shifting forwards in his chair, Leon leans in closer to Josh. LEON They say "do unto others", "treat those around you as you'd want them to treat you", "good things happen to good people". Well you could have fooled me. I only believe in one saying now. "Life's a bitch... and then you die." Reaching for his collar Leon pulls away his microphone and tosses it aside, walking off right past Josh, who looks on with concern at what he's heard. BACK TO SOFA CENTRAL COLE Wow. COACH Man. I ain't never seen Leon like that before. But I think we better get used to it. COLE The words of an embittered, broken man. It looks like February 26th, Leon Rodez didn't just lose the World Title, he may have lost his soul with it too.

Yelle’s “Je Veux Te Voir” bounces into the arena, and the funky beats bring the fans to their feet. From the giant Canadien’s logo comes Montreal’s fellow francophone, Sophie Grey. Wearing a simple white tanktop and black pants with a white racing stripe, Sophie waves Bonjour to the thousands that speak her native tongue. She then marches down the entrance ramp in a business like manner. BUFFER The following is a women’s title match, and it is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of 30 minutes. Now making her to ring from Marseille, France, she is the challenger SOPHIE GREEEEEEEEEY. Upon entering the ring Sophie again waves to the surrounding Qubecois. COACH She looks mighty happy for a criminal, a cheat, and a down and dirty person. COLE You can’t believe that tape that Lorelei showed. That video was grainer than a bowl of oatmeal. COACH I know what my two eyes are seeing, and they’re seeing a criminal! GO! To un-explain the unforgivable, Drain all the blood and give the kids a show. By streetlight this dark night, A séance down below. There're things that I have done, You never should ever know! And without you is how I disappear, And live my life alone forever now. And without you is how I disappear, And live my life alone forever now. COLE Pint sized and dangerous, here comes Morgan Nerdly out for revenge. Images of searing electricity move across every video screen in an arena that’s lathered in a soft blue glow. Suddenly a bolt of electricity touches down on the stage with the ferocity of a lightening bolt. Through its flaring and sparking remains steps women’s champion Morgan Nerdly. She wears the title around her wist, and it glows against the black and white booty shorted romper and black bra her small figure is clothed in. BUFFER And the champion, hailing from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada she is MOOOORGAN NERDLLLLYYYYY! Morgan stomps down the ramp, her fist curled into tight suffocating balls, and her eyes flaring detesting anger. COACH Manny Ramierz J may have let them crackas set him up, but this girl ain’t goin down like ol soft penis Ramierz. Inside the ring Morgan stands on the center rope, leaning forward and focusing a wrathful gaze upon the audience. Behind her electrical sparks rocket off the turnbuckles into the deep blue air. COLE Lorelei did a masterful job manipulating Morgan like that. And now Sophie has to pay! DING DING DING No sooner than the moment the bell is rung does Morgan fling herself at her rival, dragging Sophie down with a spear. Rage overriding her pretty features, Morgan begins raining punches down upon Sophie’s face. She hollers with fury as she brutalizes Sophie so badly that the referee hasn’t any choice but to pull her off. That greatly displeases he baby Nerdly and she screams her disgust at Charles Robinson. Once done with blasting him hatred, Morgan turns back to Sophie. But she’s kicked in the gut by a Rebook tennish shoe. Doubled over and clutching her stomach, Morgan watches in frustration as Sophie carries herself into the ropes. Frustration gives way to pleasure as Morgan leaps forward and knocks Sophie over with a lariat. “BOOOOOOOO!” Both ladies make a quick return to their feet, but Morgan strikes first and strikes hard with a knee into Sophie’s face. Wiping hair away from her eyes, Morgan closes in on her staggering foe and then hooks her into a front facelock. Her hands grab hold of Sophie’s workout pants and she brings her into the air for a vertical suplex. But Sophie fights through the hold and manages to come back down on her feet. Even more annoyed than before, Morgan swats her down with a spinning elbow. Tossing her golden hair away once more, Morgan drives her spiked heels into Sophie’s face. “SOPHIE! SOPHIE! SOPHIE!” her fellow Francophones chant. KC says he hates French people and Tony didn’t even know Montreal is in Canada, I got dirt on ya’ll! Sophie rolls back to her feet where she’s met with a series of knife edge chops to her less than buxom chest. The power of the blows send her toppling against the ropes. Something resembling a demonic smile appears on Morgan’s face, as she grabs onto Sophie’s track pants and uses them to upend her over the ropes! Sophie comes down hard on the ring apron, and hasn’t even a moment to breathe before Morgan reaches through the ropes and applies a nasty chokehold. COLE Lorelei did her job here, getting Morgan to believe that grainy video. COACH The proof is in the pudding! Sophie set Morgan up to try and win the belt on a technicality. COLE I can’t believe you just said the proof is in the pudding. Forcibly removed from Sophie by the referee, Morgan is a howling and hissing banshee attempting to get at the woman who may have framed her. Sophie rolls into the ring, asking Morgan try and listen to reason. But Morgan eye’s flash a bloody hatred and she charges forward at Sophie. The French girl slides out the way, and poor Morgan is left to ram her shoulder into ring post. Red bruising appears on her milky skin, and fury continues to pour out of her. “OLE! OLE! OLE! OLE! OLE! OLE! OLE! SOOOPHIE SOOOOOPHIE!” the fans sing the song of the hometown Canadiens to rally their French brethren. Given strength by the support of the audience Sophie grabs Morgan’s thin body with a rear waistlock. But that doesn’t last but for a scant few seconds as the Inspector forces her way free with three quick elbow shots. She then bounds to the ropes expecting to flatten Sophie with a lariat. But she’s overwhelmed with shock when Sophie slides forward to cradle her into a schoolgirl! ONE! TWO! Morgan kicks out, and squats on all fours to expose a face heated with rage. COACH Forget Wolverine: Orgins, lets talk about Morgan: Orgins, this girl is a killer I wouldn’t be surprised if suddenly metal claws shot out her knuckles. Morgan quickly heads back up, catching a worried look in Sophie’s eyes. Sophie greets her with a series of right jabs, dazing Morgan on her heels. Sophie then carries herself to the ropes and returns to push Morgan into a pinning position with a cross body block. The referee and the fans count along… UN! DEUX! Morgan kicks out long before the count of troi. Hissing like cobra she rolls to her feet and strikes Sophie with a trio of kicks to her knees. Sophie’s legs buckle, and Morgan is easily able to snare her inside a double underhook and flip her over with a suplex. But that hold is of minor pain compared to what Morgan does next. She leaps into the air, and repeatedly drives her platform heels into Sophie’s back. Sophie hollers in misery, as the crowd both marvels at and boos Morgan’s odd attack. COLE We’ve seen regular stomps and we’ve seem double stomps but I’ve never seen anyone just jump up and down on their opponent like that. Forced to end her unusual stomping by the referee, Morgan scowls as she rips Sophie off the canvas. The French girl shows some spirit by flinging elbows into Morgan’s exposed midsection. Tired of being pummeled, the petite Nerdly girl throws a lunging lariat. But Sophie ducks bellow the strike and captures Morgan into a backslide. UN! DEUX! Morgan keeps her title reign alive with a furious kickout. “BLEU, BLANC, ROUGE, SOPHIE, SOPHIE! BLEU, BLANC, ROUGE, SOPHIE, SOPHIE!” the French Canadians sing. COLE Bleu, blanc and rouge the colors of the Montreal Canadiens hockey team. COACH And just like the Canadiens against The Bruins, this chick Sophie is fixin to get that ass kicked! Leaping back upright, Morgan wraps her arms around Sophie’s body and uses all the power in her little frame to drive her backwards into the turnbuckles. An audible groan falls out of Sophie’s lips upon hitting the ring post, and the pain continues as Morgan slams knee after knee into her stomach. Once done with overpowering her challenger, the champion grabs onto her arm and attempts to whip her across the ring. But Sophie shifts her weight and counters the hold into flip Morgan over with a hip toss. Immediately upon hitting the canvas, Morgan feels Sophie’s elbow land against her neck. COLE Sophie fighting with amazing resiliency and strength in her chase for the OAOAST Women’s Championship! Morgan pushes herself off the mat, her breathing labored by her sore neck. Sophie the pounces on her with elbow shots to the face. Those blows allow Sophie to wrap her arms around Morgan’s smooth bare legs and throw her down to the canvas with a flapjack! As the fans approve of the move, Sophie makes another pin attempt…. UN! DEUX! Morgan again kicksout! She leaps back upright but is tagged by rapidfire jabs from Sophie. Morgan tries to deflect the blows with her forearm, and though she’s successful, Sophie is able to get her arms around her thin waist and drive her backwards into the corner. A front facelock allows Sophie to lift her foe onto the top turnbuckle. Next, Sophie climb the turnbuckles to come face to face with Morgan. COLE What’s Sophie planning? Sophie’s grand attack never gets off the ground, thanks to Morgan violently shoving her off her perch. Sophie succeeds in landing on her feet, but she’s soon taken off those very same feet, by a diving lariat from the Nerdly girl. Morgan manages a small frown as she looks towards a foe writhing in pain. Morgan then crawls over to her and raises her up off the mat. An irish whip sends Sophie into the ropes. The cables spew her back towards the challenger who spring forward. But Sophie moves her arm with the speed of cheetah and catches Morgan in the middle of the eyes with a leaping foream. “VIVA SOOOOPHIE! VIVA SOOOOOOPHIE! VIVA SOOOOOOPHIE! Sophie offers a kind smile to her chanting fans, as she awaits Morgan’s rise. Once the inspector is fully upright, Sophie slides her arms around her torso in a waistlock. She lifts Morgan up for a German Suplex but the teenage champion perfectly counters this by rolling forward and snatching Sophie into an ankle lock! The European challenger franticly scrambles across the ring, finding the ropes before Morgan can cause her any serious harm. Incredibly frustrated with the escape, Morgan scowls as she batters Sophie’s back with stomps. COLE So far its been a pretty even back and forth match. COACH That’s just ‘cause Morgan ain’t unleashed her electrical superpowers, she gonna blackout half of Qubec when she unleashes dem thangs. At the referee’s insistence Morgan backs off Sophie. She bounces back and forth on her heels, eagerly waiting Sophie’s rise. As the challenger is half way off the mat, Morgan runs forward and raises her leg up in order to punt Sophie in the head. But Sophie pulls back and Morgan misses entirely. She wildly careens forward, slamming on the breaks to prevent her from totally toppling over. This is a wasted effort though as Sophie rolls her up into a pinfall…. UN! DEUX! Morgan rolls out of the pin, her aggravated face shielded by strings of her golden hair. Sophie hops upright and waves her on. Morgan accepts this challenge and comes surging forward with lariat. But Sophie ducks the move, coming up behind Morgan and easily able to dropkick her in the back. The Nerdly girl stumbles forward landing against the turnbuckles. She’s dosesn’t remain trapped for very long, as Sophie sends her back to the ground with a German suplex. “Qu-est que vous chantez?” “NOUS CHANTONS SOPHIE!” “QU-EST QUE VOUS CHANTEZ?” “NOUS CHANTONS SOPHIE!” Sophie rolls back upright with Morgan in her possession. But Morgan is highly unwilling to remain trapped by Sophie and whips her head back to stun Sophie with a violent head BUTT. The fans and Sophie shriek at the violent move, which draws a further frown from Morgan. She strikes Sophie in the leg with a series of sharp and dangerous kicks. Weakening her with those blows, Morgan takes Sophie onto her shoulders in set up of her finisher. But Sophie somehow succeeds in slipping out the hold! Taking advantage of her escape, she bounds to the ropes. Coming back to Morgan she leaps at her for cross body block. But Morgan catches her by surprise by swiftly moving to take Sophie onto her shoulders. COLE This could be very bad for Sophie! And it is very bad once Morgan slams her downward with the Shock and Awe (FU)! The fans almost leap back in their seats, faced with Morgan’s powerful finisher. Morgan then hooks the leg for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! THREE DING DING DING Morgan rolls off Sophie as her hard driving entrance song comes into the arena. Her hands rest on her knees and she sighes in miserey and exhaustion, barely able to focus on the title that’s being handed to her. And now, a OAOAST Video Break.

As we come back from break we find OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan atop the interview stage. BRANNIGAN Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to the Amazing French Canadian Spectacular, where still to come Zack Malibu’s first major title defense on television since capturing the OAOAST Championship for a record fourth time, as he faces the ever cocky “Real American Prick” Mister Dick. But right now I’d like to share HOT NEWZ regarding our next pay-per-view event Sunday night, May 31. This year’s School's Out: Big Easy Style, but it’ll be anything but easy Sunday night, May 31 from the New Orleans Arena in New Orleans, Louisiana, when my guests challenge Team Heyross for the One & Only World tag team championship. Montreal and a worldwide television audience, please welcome THE ORANGE COUNTY COOOOBRAS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The O.C. Cobras and Molly join Brannigan at the podium to the tune of “Scream” by Chris Cornell. BRANNIGAN Gentlemen, after many felt you were cheated of your opportunity to face the champions by virtue of winning the 2009 Anderson Cup, you’ll finally get your chance Sunday night, May 31 at School’s Out. And history will be on the line because should you defeat Team Heyross you’d join Chicks Over Dicks as the only 4-time tag team champions in OAOAST history. NED It’s been 3 long years since we last held the tag titles, Tony. Part of it was due to the deep tag division in the OAOAST and the other was because we handed over the key to our car to Theodore Moneymaker, who promptly wrecked it. Instead of working our way back up the ladder we tried to cut in front of the line. We sold our soul to the devil and then the devil ran off without giving us what he promised in exchange. Now that we’ve gotten rid of the dark cloud hanging over our heads, it’s clear and sunny skies in the O.C. SIMON Team Heyross, you’re a great tag team, maybe the greatest the OAOAST has ever seen…but when you step into the ring with us Sunday night, May 31 at School’s Out, it won’t be against the same guys you’ve studied on film. Don’t get me wrong, we still have a couple of bad habits. What’s different about this version of Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard is haven’t been fed championship gold in over 3 years and we’re freaking starving! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The interview is unexpectedly interrupted by SPENCER REIGER and COLIN MAGUIRE, JR., collectively THE LDC MONEYGANG. And where they go so to does LORELEI DECENZO. BRANNIGAN Wait a minute, gentlemen. You’re not scheduled for an interview, or to be on the show for that matter. REIGER Yeah, who’s the genius who thought it was a good decision not to book the company’s hottest act? Can you believe we actually had to travel here on our own dime, in this economy?! Teddy had to charter a jet, load it with fuel, stock it with the finest foods and beverages and arrange a flyover NYC to get a good look at a real city before entering Canadian airspace, especially the dark hole that is Montreal. BRANNIGAN Theodore Moneymaker owns countless private jets. Why’d he need to charter one? LORELEI Tony, honey, don’t be like the rest of the little people pinching pennies. Money is no object to the Enterprise. After being slapped in the face by the OAOAST, Teddy felt we deserved some pampering. CMJ Speakin' of slaps ta the face, if not gettin' booked on the show was pissa enough, the Orange County Cobras ah named 1 contendahs! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" SIMON/NED/MOLLY CMJ/REIGER/LORELEI CMJ Just what have the ahange county chowda-heads done ta earn a title shot? BRANNIGAN They won the 2009 Anderson Cup and $50,000 AngleMania Payday tag gauntlet! REIGER First of all, they won the Anderson Cup in name only because we ended up beating them for their guaranteed title shot at AngleMania. Secondly, they never would have won the AngleMania Payday match had CMJ and I been entered. But we had a previous engagement that night with Team Heyross in an instant classic that pushed them to the limit. CMJ And 'cause of ah strong performance they're afraid ta grant us a return match, that's why they haply accepted tha c-HA-llenge of an inferior team like the Ahange County Cobras. SIMON Say that again. LORELEI What are you, death or something? You heard the man. MOLLY Don’t talk to him like that. LORELEI Or what, bitch? MOLLY Ho! LORELEI Skank! MOLLY I know you are but what am I? LORELEI REIGER You guys better keep your girl in check. CMJ Or we’ll do it fer ya, douchebags. SIMON He’s got a point Ned. Some people need to be put in check. The Handsome Hustler nods and the O.C. Cobras STRIKE! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COACH Cheap shot! Brannigan shields the girls as the O.C. Cobras and LDC Moneygang take their fight to the area floor. Quickly OAOAST officials swarm the arena to breakup the melee. Both teams still wanting some of the other. THE AMAZING FRENCH CANADIAN SPECTACULAR WILL CONTINUE...

BUFFER OAOAST Marks, it is now time for the SPIKED CLUB MATCH! “Protect Your Mind” by DJ Sakin & Friends cues and the Last Kings of Scotland march to the ring, Scottish Scott wielding the spiked club that‘ll be suspend momentarily on a pole. BUFFER Introducing first, hailing from Glasgow, Scotland, at a total combine weight of 430 pounds, Europe’s finest athletes… DANNY BOY and “THE BRAVEHEART” SCOTTISH SCOTT… THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Fans ringside are forced to duck as Scottish Scott takes aim at the hecklers, then Michael Buffer and the referee. COLE You guys better get the heck out of there. Scottish Scott is a madman! COACH They don’t call him the Braveheart for nothing, Mikey Cole. Both he and Danny Boy love hitting the pubs, not for the beer but a good fight. Scottish Scott refuses to let anyone handle the spiked club, which he attaches to the pole himself. “Citizen Soldier” by 3 Doors Down hits and the Citizen Soldiers head down the aisle. BUFFER And their opponents, total combine weight 485 pounds… “WRESTLING’S LAST REAL GOOD GUY” TIM CASH and “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BARON WINDELS… CITIZEN SOOOOLDIERS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!” As the Citizen Soldiers slap hands, they’re suddenly ambushed by THE MARDI GRAS HELLFIRE CLUB! COLE What is this?! COACH A beat down? COLE But why? The Last Kings keep referee Nick Patrick distracted while Rico and Lucius do a number outside. Rico yanks the CRYSTAL WAND out of Queen Esther‘s hand, then SHATTERS IT OVER THE HEAD OF BARON WINDELS! COACH He’s out like a light, Cole. With Baron a bloody mess and Tim Cash curled in a fetal position, the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club return backstage proud of a job well done. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Damn them! The Last Kings bow to Queen Esther, who remains ringside for reasons unknown, then roll Cash inside for a DOUBLE FLAPJACK! Danny Boy covers. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!” Danny backs Cash against the ropes and tags Scottish Scott. He fires Cash off and taunts the crowd as Scottish Scott throws a clothesline. Cash ducks and wallops Danny Boy with a BACKBRAIN WHEELKICK, and then Scottish Scott with an ENZIGURI~! COLE Alright Tim! COACH Hey, wait a minute! You’re supposed to be impartial, Mikey! COLE You can’t help but root for Tim Cash in this situation. COACH I can and I am! Cash performs a VICTORY ROLL on Scottish Scott! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Scottish Scott is whipped in for a BAAAAAACK body drop, and then blasted by a MISSLE DROPKICK! Cash goes for the club but is grabbed by Danny Boy and hurled through the air courtesy of a TOP ROPE PUMPHANDLE FALLAWAY SLAM!! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Having made it to his corner, Baron pulls himself onto the apron only to be knocked down by Scottish Scott. The Braveheart pounds his chest in gloating fashion, then plants Cash mid-ring with a JUMPING PILEDRIVER! The cover. ONE! TWO! NO! Scottish Scott picks Cash up. COACH Beautiful. They’re just toying with him now, Cole. COLE And that’s a big mistake. Tim Cash isn’t some young OAOVW call-up getting his first taste in the big leagues. He’s an accomplished wrestler. Baron makes it back on the apron and again is knocked down. The Last Kings tag and Danny Boy delivers a dropkick flush to Cash’s jaw. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Danny rams Cash into the buckle, then places his kilt over Cash’s head… COACH Jealous, baby boy? COLE Well, maybe just a little. I mean NO! …and unloads. NO! Fired up by Danny’s insulting gesture, Cash responds with an inverted atomic drop! DANNY BOY SMALL PACKAGE! The count. ONE! TWO! NO! Cash is forced to break the pin as Scottish Scott enters. Wrestling’s last real good guy ducks a clothesline and executes a spinning head scissors takeover off the ropes. Cash then drops down as Danny Boy charges forward and the Last Kings collide! COACH That’s one giant face palm right there, Cole. I’m shaking my head in embarrassment. Both members of the Last Kings of Scotland down, Cash grabs THE SPIKED CLUB off the pole! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!” COLE Timmy’s got the club! COACH I thought Tim Cash was supposed to be a good guy, Cole? COLE He is. COACH Then he doesn’t need a weapon! I’m sure if he put the club down Scottish Scott and Danny Boy would be nice enough to forget the whole thing. COLE Every man has their limit, Coach, and the Last Kings of Scotland pushed the Citizen Soldiers over theirs. Suddenly the Last Kings aren’t so tough anymore, begging Cash for mercy. As Cash plays to the crowd, Queen Esther hops on the apron. COLE Come on, ref. Get her down from there. COACH Like a person that sweet and innocent is gonna cause trouble. Now I’m shaking my head at your stupidity. Nick Patrick politely asks Esther to step down only for her to FAINT on the apron. CASH COLE Apparently Queen Esther has fainted. COACH Apparently?! She did faint, you idiot. The guys in the truck need to do their job and get an UPSKIRT SHOT ASAP~! Being a real good guy that he is, and a former EMT, Cash drops the club and rushes to Queen Esther‘s aid. He checks her vitals as Da Coach inexplicably takes up-skirt shots on his cell phone. COACH (views pics) COLE You'd think he'd be happy, but maybe the realization of a sexual harassment suit finally hit him. Or Queen Esther has a penis. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The crowd reacts as Scottish Scott gains possession of the club. COLE Tim, behind you! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!” Like a good neighbor, BARON WINDELS is there! He yanks the club out of Scott’s grip and decks him! COACH I forgot all about Baron Windels. COLE Apparently so did the Last Kings of Scotland. Baron jabs the handle into Danny Boy’s gut, then whips him across and drives the barrel of the club in the Irishman’s mug! COACH Scottish Scott and Danny Boy are both busted open, Cole. The Citizen Soldiers double backdrop Scottish Scott, then double dropkick Danny Boy. But the loss of blood has a noticeable effect on Baron, the Lone Star Gunslinger shaky on his feet. He prepares to serve Scottish Scott a BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL as Cash tends to Queen Esther…but Scott executes a quick backdrop followed by a CROSS-ARM PILEDRIVER!! Queen Esther wakes and gives Cash a big hug as Scottish Scott covers Baron. COLE No! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * COACH Yes! BUFFER Here are your winners… DANNY BOY and “THE BRAVEHEART” SCOTTISH SCOTT… THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club reappear on the scene to assist the Last Kings of Scotland backstage. Queen Esther thrilled as can be (when is she never happy?). Tim Cash, meanwhile, kneels over his fallen partner confused. COLE What is the relationship between the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club and Last Kings of Scotland? Without their help I don’t think the Last Kings win this match. COACH Sour grapes, Cole. Sour grapes. The reality is, the Last Kings of Scotland have beaten the Citizen Soldiers for a second time. They are to them what the Dallas Mavericks are to the San Antonio Spurs: a bad match-up. COLE Well that's your opinion and you're entitled to it. Wrong as it may be. And we'll be back, fans. COACH You always have to have the last word on everything, don't you? COLE No. We travel backstage into The Enterprise dressing room where Morgan is with Lorelei, sitting on the ultra comfortable leather couch and dining on fine cheese and wines LORELEI (pointing to the TV) I thought you might want to see this. MORGAN What is it? LORELEI Its something that will horrify you, but I feel as your friend that it is my duty to show you it. MORGAN Its not someone making fun of me, is it. I don’t need to assault charges that’s gonna bring me. LORELEI Its funny you mention assault charges, because what I have on this videotape is an assault to your very character. MORGAN How’d you get it, whatever it is? LORELEI Let’s just say I have some investigating skills of my own. Lorelei presses play and a grainy video pops up. In it there’s a woman who looks like Sophie and another that looks like Molly. The sound is non existent but the two women are engaged in animated chattering. Next “Molly” begins applying makeup to “Sophie’s” back in order to make it seem like she was a victim of an electrical blast. Lori then stops the tape, and looks into Morgan’s sorrow filled eyes. MORGAN I don’t understand…I…I…why did they do that? Why does everyone want to hurt me? LORELEI These people are money hungry, there’s no level too low for them to stoop to. MORGAN They make me hurt them. I don’t wanna be this bad girl, I just wanna be left alone by this world. But I keep on getting attacked, I have to fight back, I have to hurt these people. They’re all bad, all of them. Morgan storms out the room, and Lori is left behind smiling to herself and snacking on a cheese cube. I love cheese cubes. School's Out Big Easy Style Live Sunday night, May 31 Exclusively on pay-per-view!

Awesome choice for a theme, saves me the trouble of writing an actual open!

Show up in HE.

Zack's not writing a match? I was under the impression he was going to handle the ME, as Patty had the Women's match and I had the tag match. Spiked Club (not on a pole, although it'll be suspend from one!) Match Last Kings of Scotland vs. Citizen Soldiers

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- The crowd is alive and we're live on the air. Michael Cole and Da Coach down near the masses at Sofa Central. COLE Live from the Hard Rock Hotel in Orlando, Florida, welcome to the longest running episodic series in parody e-fed history! This is OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Michael Cole joined as always by Da Coach. Plenty in store for you tonight and all the build-up to next week's Spectacular event in Montreal. But the OAOAST world is still in shock after what happened at the end of last week's show as we went off the air. One of the most unexpected and unsettling things we may have ever seen on this broadcast. As we take you back to last week, it was Mister Dick and Reject taking on Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez in our main event. And what started as an unassuming tag team match lead to a situation that no-one saw coming. COLE Not to put too fine of a point on it, something which nobody thought we would ever see. I've known Leon Rodez for almost six years now and he is one of the nicest, good-hearted people you were ever likely to meet in this business. Always around with a smile or a joke or just a friendly hello. The OAOAST locker room has been in shock ever since last week, not to mention the OAOAST fans because the Leon Rodez you saw on television week in and week out was the Leon we all saw, the happy-go-lucky charismatic, easy-going Leon. And I don't think anyone can explain what happened. Out of character doesn't even begin to describe it, that was just something that Leon Rodez simply would NOT have done. Ever. But... something has changed and April 24th will go down as a dark day in OAOAST history. COACH Before we get the violins out and turn this into a complete funeral... COLE COACH ...I'm gonna jump in and agree. Leon wasn't that kinda guy. You and all these people and all the people in the back put that guy up on a pedestal as some kinda saint. Well the cracks have been showing in that pedestal and it all finally tumbled to the ground last week. And I'm real interested in seeing what Leon has to say for himself. COLE As are we all. But it doesn't look like we'll be hearing it tonight as Leon has not arrived at the arena tonight. We've got cameras back there incase he does. But I think the immediate issue now is what effect is this all going to have on Zack Malibu next week? How is he possibly going to be able to concentrate on defending the OAOAST World Title against Mister Dick, with the events of last week by his long-time friend weighing so heavily on his mind? How can he possibly "keep his focus", as Anglesault encouraged him to do? "Clean shirt New shoes And I dont know where I am goin to. Silk suit Black tie, I dont need a reason why. They come runnin just as fast as they can Coz every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man." To a resounding chorus of boos, Christian Wright swaggers out from the entrance way with his trusty briefcase in hand and sharply dressed as the song would indicate. Wright turns his nose up at the fans as he adjusts his tie, making his way down the aisle and brushing away the attention of the fans and their outstretched hands. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first... representing THE ENTERPRISE! Now residing in Washington D.C. He weighs in at approximately '8 and 1/3 BARS OF GOLD'... The Financial Analyst of The Enterprise, this is "THE NATURAL"... CCHHHRRRIIISSTTIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAANN... WWWWRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGHHHHHHTT!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Setting down his briefcase in one corner of the ring, Christian rounds the ring another side and jumps onto the apron. Straightening out the lappels of his suit, the smug Financial Analyst makes the "money fingers" as a sign of his allegiance to The Enterprise before he steps into the ring. BUFFER And his opponent, from Tampa, Florida, JOHN JO JACKSON! The youngster raises a fist to the crowd. COLE This youngster one of Florida's finest, trying to make a step up tonight. COACH Eh, he's no Jo Jack Johnson. Christian carefully removes and folds his red jacket, as well as his white dress shirt and tie, setting them aside. COLE Well a little 'tune-up' here arranged by Theodore Moneymaker, trying to keep things ticking over for his Enterprise which has taken a fair few hits in recent months. *DINGDINGDING!* Locking up, Wright quickly takes his young opponent over to a corner and rocks him with a European uppercut. And a second. Opening him up, Wright then rears back... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...with a knifedge chop, sending the kid scrambling for the other side of the ring holding his chest. COACH Christian looks all business tonight Michael. COLE Why do I get the feeling I've heard that pun before? Retrieving his opponent, Christian gives him a scoop slam and sets him in place with his boot pressed against the head, before leaping up and stomping down on the skull! Jackson uses the ropes to pull himself back up and regrets it when another European uppercut lands. COACH Anyway, what are you talking about The Enterprise like they're weak for? This is what it is, a defiant show of their dominance. Whipped to the ropes, Jackson is caught on the rebound with a hard back elbow, knocking him to the mat. Wright stalks around him and waits for Jackson to start getting up, hauling him up the rest of the way and delivering a Belly To Belly Suplex... 1... 2... No! COLE Well it's not hard to look dominant against a rookie, a lesser opponent. COACH You can only beat what's in front of you. You'd know something about that surely. Taking his time Christian adjusts the tape on his wrist as he waits for Jackson to get back up. Once he is, CW charges across the ring looking for a clothesline, but the youngster surprises everybody by ducking underneath! Wright puts on the brakes and when he turns around, Jackson starts firing away with right hands! COLE This kid starting to show us something, showing some heart and determination. With Wright dazed Jackson runs the ropes... and gets caught with the WRIGHT OFF!!! COACH Heart and determination is no match for wealth and power. Ragdolled, Jackson is pulled to his feet. The kid can barely stand as Wright sets him up to deliver a STINGING Superkick, the sound of boot on flesh echoing around the arena to horrified gasps! Wright just dusts his hands in satisfaction as Jackson lays in a heap on the mat, KOed. COACH Christian kicking faces, The Moneygang taking names, Mister Moneymaker providing the backing. Face it, The Enterprise is as strong as ever, no matter how much you hope otherwise. COLE I think The Orange County Cobras would beg to differ. COACH Who cares? Picking Jackson up one more time Christian hooks him up for the finish. Elevated up, Jackson is then brought crashing back to earth face-first, experiencing the STOCKMARKET CRASH with as much suffering as a wallstreet banker. 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COACH Hear that? That's the sound of an Enterprise win. Kerching! Get used to it. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "THE NATURAL" CCHHHRRRIIIISSSTTIIIIIAAAAANN... WWRRRRRIIIIIIIIGGHHHHTT!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" With a look of satisfaction Christian calmly leaves the ring, collecting up his briefcase and clothes as he strolls to the back. COLE A win for The Enterprise, but if you ask me it seemed like more of a diversion tactic. Moneymaker isn't going to be able to hide his problems away behind easy victories like this forever. COACH You are so negative, you know that? May 7th, 2009 The Amazing French Canadian Spectacular Montreal, Quebec OAOAST World Title: Zack Malibu Vs Mister Dick OAOAST Women's title: Morgan Nerdly Vs Sophie Plus Much More! SOLD OUT!

Interior, Duncan family dressing room. Enter, Jade Rodez-Duncan, clutching a clipboard, holding what we can only assume is the contract discussed earlier in the show. She wears a worried look on her face as she enters the room and doesn't know whether to be pleased or filled with dread once she realises the person she's looking for has been found. JADE Uh... hi Mom. KRISTA Hi sweetie. Laid up on the couch, Krista rests a tub of ice cream on her well adept for resting chest. And being a woman that must mean she's feeling down. Krista stares at a TV screen, which she's somehow rewired to prevent the only channel available being a live feed of the show, because that would surely make her even more down. Instead she's watching what sounds, distantly, like America's Top Model. JADE Can we talk? KRISTA Hmm. Clearly not paying attention Krista downs a spoonful of the ice-cream as Jade rounds the couch behind her. Nervously shuffling the clipboard in her hands Jade sits on the arm of the couch, awkward posture, more so than usual. JADE You feeling better? KRISTA Hmm. Krista takes another scoop of ice cream. KRISTA (to self) Oh honey, you're playing with fire. Worth it though. So worth it. Krista has another spoonful and smiles contented. JADE Yyyeeeaahh... uh, so anyway, I... are you sure you're okay Mom? KRISTA Nothing a couple more tubs of this stuff won't cure. JADE Just... go easy, okay. I've seen Melody put down three tubs after bad gaming sessions and it's not good for you. That stuff's addictive. Like alcoho... you're putting some kind of alcohol in there as well, aren't you? KRISTA Of course sweetie. JADE Well, that's a relief. Taking a deep breath, Jade fights her best senses and produces the clipboard. JADE Listen, I... KRISTA You know, maybe being a runner-up isn't such a cruel fate to befall one. Look at these girls Jade. Desperate, needy, starved for attention, starved. Fame hungry. Food hungry. But mostly fame hungry. They'd sooner rat out the scrawny bitch next to them to get ahead than settle for a cheery second place and a commendation for good effort. Pleasant to their face, catty behind their back Isn't that sad? You know, these girls were never loved. Neglected by their parents. Too busy to pay attention to anything other than what the nanny filled them in on when they arrived back from work. So the children try and try to get that attention, they become desperate for it. Until sooner or later, they need it. Really need it. Not just from their parents but in everything they do in life. Next thing you know they're on television whipping their bits out and trying to get to the top of a humiliating profession that afford not an ounce of self respect. ...and then they lose one match and BOOM, it's all down the crapper like a used heroin needle... JADE Mom? KRISTA Oh, listen to me prattle on, you had something you needed to show me? Don't worry, you have my undivided attention. I'll never neglect you. Don't leave me. AH, BRAINFREEZE! UNGH! Krista cringes and squirms, while Jade kinda does the same for different reasons. JADE I just need you to sign something, if that's okay. It's a... uhm... permission slip for a... commercial they want me to shoot? KRISTA Just wait until I get my vision back and I'll be right with you. Relieved, Jade still feels guilt at what's about to happen. Or, would be about to happen, if Alix Maria Spezia didn't exist. Breezing into the room she grabs the clipboard, tossing it up in the air and catching it as she sits down on Krista's ankles with Jade caught by surprise and now helpless. ALIX Whatcha got here? JADE Oh, it's... uhm, it's nothing, not important, can I have it back please? ALIX Lemme guess, restraining order? Retaining order? Batting order for the Yankees' next game? JADE It's nothing, really, I just need it back so... ALIX *GASP*... oh my god... I don't believe this... my middle name is MARIA!? I always thought it was Marie! Aw, crap! Now I owe the people who scored my SATs an apology. After a couple of half-hearted attempts to snatch the clipboard back Jade is resigned to bury her head in her hands as Alix actually reads it. ALIX Hold up sugar mountain! We're wrestling D*LUX? When did that happen? Sure enough, Krista sits up and Jade wishes the ground would open up around her. KRISTA What!? Let me see that! (snatches clipboard and scans it) Alright, family meeting! From some unexplored area of the dressing room, youngest daughter Maya runs out and leaps onto the sofa. JADE What's Maya doing here? KRISTA Babysitter quit. Or died, or something, I dunno. Anyway, no changing the subject! Can I put this down to the intoxicating mix of bourbon and cheap fattening ice cream, or is this really a contract for a match between us and D*LUX. The same D*LUX we told to go take a running jump into a pool of horse manure and razorblades when they challenged us to said match a couple of weeks ago? MAYA Nope, that's what it says. The horse manure story is even included in the fineprint. KRISTA Thank you Maya, you're always there for me when my vision gets blurry. JADE Yeah, thanks Maya. The daughters scowl at each other. KRISTA So, am I to therefore believe that you, missy, decided in my time of intoxication to put this under my nose and expect me to sign it without me reading it? Jade. Jade Jade Jade, my beloved Jade. I'm almost proud of your sudden lack of fear for me and my vengeance. But not quite. Explain yourself! JADE Tyler and Shayne made me do it! Krista slowly sets down her ice cream and gets an all too familiar look on her face. A worrying look. JADE I mean, they weren't trying to do anything wrong and I could have just said no so it's not really their fault, it's just they want this match so much and they asked if I'd do it and I kinda felt bad saying no because they really want this match so much and... I panicked. ALIX Good job you've got that out of your system. BA-ZING! Alix and Maya high-five. KRISTA Let me get this straight. They pressured you into doing this? JADE ...kinda. KRISTA And they got you to sign on behalf of them... because you're still technically their manager? JADE ...maybe. KRISTA And they leave no trail of evidence, because it's your name on the contract and your BUTT to be kicked when I finally found out. Very clever. ALIX What about the murder weapon? Where'd you stash it, huh? Fess up punk! KRISTA There is no murder weapon. ALIX Oh. KRISTA You know, yet. But, give it time. Grabbing a pen, Krista looks over the contract again... and with a smile, she signs it. Handing it back to a clearly worried Jade, Krista picks up her ice cream again and has a couple of spoonfuls. KRISTA Your adorable little friends have made the biggest mistake of their little barely pubescent lives. When you see them, tell them you did what they told you to. Other than that, no mention of what happened. Let them think they got what they want. Infact, since you're so handy with contracts all of a sudden, get one drawn up against Landon's eclectic bunch of buddies. That way, it'll be so much more fun when we teach them never to try and manipulate my little girl ever again, because a Duncan is not and never will be a manipulatee, we are manipulators. ALIX Except when we agree on it beforehand, in which case you've gotta have a safeword. Krista smirks to herself. KRISTA They want a match with us so bad? Poor little naive boys. Far be it from me and Alix to leave them short changed. Jade, I've taught you many of life's lessons already. Today's lesson, don't get involved in other people's shit, because when they get crushed you're only going to feel guilty because you played a hand in their slaughter. Our little friends are going to find out EXACTLY what it means to wrestle COD. Oh yes. We're going to give them the FULL Chicks Over Dicks experience. And by the time we're done with them, they'll know what manhood is all about. And that's when we rip it away from them. Literally. Krista lets out a sinister laugh... KRISTA AH, BRAINFREEZE, BRAINFREEZE!! CURSE YOU BEN AND JERRY!! GAAAH!! Krista sinks crippled into the couch, allowing Alix to nab the ice-cream for herself. Frozen to the spot stands Jade, knowing now that it's not what she's gotten her mother into that's the problem, it's what she's gotten D*LUX into.

::The camera shows a posh corner booth in what appears to be a nicely appointed restaurant. Tommy G. sits at a table with a drink and a cigar, the latter of which sits in an ashtray, a plume of smoke wafting into the air from its lit end:: "In my former business, I had to...strike from unseen positions. I had to take actions that sat on the fence of morality. I had to do what I had to do in order to get the job done. And while that's probably not the best term to use in my current business, the point is that I will reach my ends. And in the process, some will meet their end. This isn't a threat; it's a notification. I like to make things a little interesting. Unlike in my former business, I have a little room to makes things interesting. Back then, I'd just get it done. Now, I can add some intrigue to things before I make my move...before I strike from that unseen position. Call it a mystery wrapped in an enigma. Before I had to hide my identity. Not anymore. In this business, my Jekyll doesn't hide." ::A waiter arrives with a tray of food and places three dishes on the table. Tommy G. takes a fork and spears a piece of cauliflower, dipping it into a bowl and tasting it:: "You call this dipping sauce? You call this dipping sauce? This tastes like old soup!" ::Tommy G. gets up and gives the waiter a right hand. The waiter falls to the floor and Tommy G. stomps him a few times before storming off:: COACH I've been tempted to slug you a few times, Cole. COLE You're not the first person to tell me that. Right now let's head back up to the ring! The crowd rise to their feet as the intro to "Like The Angel" hits. As the lyrics kick in the twin Nerdly brothers run out and nail a leaping high-five, setting off a pair of pyrotechnic rockets, one orange and one blue. The twin brothers then make their way down the aisle full of energy as ever. BUFFER This contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Edmonton, Alberta Canada! Weighing one hundred, eighty five pounds... he is one half of THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS... MMAAAAAARRRRRRRVVV!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" MARV slides into the ring and leaps to the turnbuckles to encourage the crowd, MEL taking a slightly less energetic journey to the turnbuckles across the ring to join him. COLE Two weeks ago MEL was victorious in singles action against Synth, tonight it's the respective tag team partners in one on one action. And The Christ Air Express still fighting for the honour of their friend Jamie O'Hara, who was once again disrespected this past weekend by The Heavenly Rockers on our sister program Syndicated. Watching the footage on the AngleTron, MARV and Mel shake their heads. They're no happier to hear the intro to "Heart Shaped Box" by Nirvana, met by a chorus of boos by the crowd. With a cheshire cat grin on his face Logan Mann emerges first through the entrance with wife Holly on his arm, doing a triumphant 360 spin on the stage. Behind him follow Abdullah and Synth in solemn dignity. BUFFER And his opponent is accompanied to the ring by members of "the only rock n'wrestling band that matters", THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS! From Las Vegas, Nevada... weighing in at two hundred and twenty pounds... he is "THE MACHO MACHO MANN"... LLLLLOOOOOOOOOOGGAAAAAAANN... MMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Logan unzips his leather jacket, revealing why it looked such an odd-fit, with a New York Knicks jersey lying underneath. COLE Oh come on! COACH What? It's a throwback, people wear them to honour former greats who've disappeared into obscurity. It's a trend, you wouldn't get it. Once the leather jacket is off we see that sure enough, it's the same jersey that was "retired" by The Heavenly Rockers, with 'O'HARA' on the back and the fitting number "00" on the back, because he's a "real zero". MARV scowls at this show of disrespect and can't wait for the bell to ring. *DINGDINGDING!* With the match underway, Logan wisely loses the Knicks jersey, throwing it to a lucky fan in the crowd. Except that lucky fan happens to employed by the company and doing commentary. COACH Wow! What an honour! LOGAN You're welcome kid. Logan and MARV circle and lock up, with Logan grabbing a headlock. Meanwhile we get a shot of Coach admiring the jersey. COACH Oh, this is perfect! My car's needed to be washed for days now, this'll do great! COLE Your ca... come on Coach! You're as bad as they are! In the ring Logan gets shot off the ropes and comes back with a big shoulder tackle to knock MARV down. With a cry of "THANK YOU ORLANDOOoooo!" Logan comes off the ropes again, going up and over MARV. Leapfrog by MARV is navigated by Logan as well, but as he comes back off the ropes MARV surprises him with a quick hurricanrana takeover! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" Rolling to his feet Logan runs right into an armdrag, which MARV hangs onto for an armbar. Before Logan can settle, that then turns into a quick crucifix, pulling Logan down onto his shoulders... 1... 2... No! Back up Logan regains control with a side headlock, but gets shot off to the ropes again. MARV drops down and wise to this, Logan puts on the brakes once he's safely over, pointing to his head. When Logan reaches down to pick MARV up though, the Canadian surprises him by flipping over and dragging him to the mat by the arm. COLE Woah! MARV, so quick! Rolling to his feet Logan moves away from the ropes, into a dropkick that sends him spilling back through them to the outside! COLE And Logan unable to keep up with it, to the outside and MARV is rolling! MARV plays to the crowd leaving The Heavenly Rockers' lead vocalist frustrated on the floor. Abdullah tries to calm him down with some spiritual wisdom, which Logan has no time for, shrugging Abdullah off and climbing back to the apron. Seconds later, he's back down as MARV dropkicks his legs away, causing Logan to smack face-first into the apron! Grabbing the top rope MARV follows up with another dropkick, through the ropes this time and landing one foot to the face of both Logan and Abdullah, who crash back into the barricade!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Leaning out of the ring, MARV gets a leaping high-five from MEL, while Synth and Holly run to the aid of their men. COACH How can these people cheer for spousal abuse like that!? COLE Spousal abuse is between a husband and wife you jackass! COACH Well brother on brother stuff. I don't know the correct term, I just know it ain't right! Mann is picked up with some help from Synth and frustrates as he is, wisely slows things down. Taking his time getting back in he insists on MARV being backed up first. "LET'S GO MARV!" "LET'S GO MARV!" "LET'S GO MARV!" "LET'S GO MARV!" Back inside Logan and MARV go to lock up, not what Logan has in mind as he ducks low and backs MARV into a corner. MARV manages to shift himself around so that Logan's back is against the corner. Making the mistake of thinking he's avoided danger MARV gives a clean break and pays for it, Logan catching him with a boot to the gut. The fans jeer Logan's cheap tactics as he delivers right hands in the corner, then stomps MARV down into the turnbuckles until the referee pulls him away. COLE Logan a wily veteran, safe to say he knows all the tricks of the trade. Brought out of the corner, MARV is whipped to the ropes. Burying a right hand into the midsection, Logan doubles MARV up and sets up a running kneelift. Cover... 1... 2... No! Logan picks MARV back up and delivers a back suplex. Confident again The MACHO Macho Mann then shows off his biceps to howls of derision. COACH Wrestling show, rock show, gun show, Logan can do it all baby! When he doesn't get the reaction he wants, Logan skids past the referee and blatantly choking MARV. Breaking on three he stands up and rakes the flat of his boot across MARV's face, before trying the bicep pose again. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Those guns are loaded too. Logan still doesn't get a good reception, of course, but he's made his point. Backing off the ropes he plants a boot in the back of MARV's head as he tries to get up, then pins him down... 1... 2... Kickout. Standing back, Logan allows MARV to get back to his feet, stalking behind him. Once up MARV is caught in a sleeper by Logan! Laughing confidently Logan pulls back. After walking in search of the ropes a few paces MARV suddenly feels the effects and sinks down to one knee. ABDULLAH Pleasant dreams, demon seed! COLE Demon seed? What sort of a thing is that to call your adopted brother? COACH I once knew a kid in school called demon seed. COLE Really? COACH Well... Stephen Reed, but that's close, right? I'm contributing, yes? COLE You're an idiot. Spurred on by the crowd and the support of his brother... the real one, not the adopted one... MARV starts to try and fight. He clenches his fists and rallies up the crowd before standing back up from one knee. Just as the crowd start getting some encouragement though, Logan reacts by RAKING THE EYES, then pulling MARV back into the sleeper and back down to a knee. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Logan tightens his grip and MARV's arms begin to sway a little, so the referee steps in to check him. Seeing few signs of consciousness he picks up MARV's right arm... and lets it fall. COLE That's one and MARV may be going out here. Two more and the referee will call this one. Nodding his approval Logan watches as MARV's arm is raised again... and falls again. COACH Looks like MARV is coming down off that high. Abdullah prematurely praises the heavens for their assistance in MARV's demise... ...but the arm doesn't drop the third time and the fans stomp their feet! COLE No! MARV is still in it! Cursing his luck Logan shakes his head as MARV picks himself back up and fires off some elbows. MARV breaks the sleeper and quickly comes off the ropes with a diving clothesline! Bouncing back up, Logan is knocked down with a second diving clothesline! And then a third and MARV is all fired up~! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" MARV waits for Logan to pick himself up, which he does in a corner. Charging in, MARV gets caught with an elbow though and just that quickly the fire has burnt out. Logan stumbles out of the corner and pushes MARV into the ropes, catching him side-on... NO! MARV flips out of the attempted sideslam, knocking Logan down with a back elbow. Leaping over Logan's body MARV then hits a STANDING MOONSAULT!! 1... 2... NO! COLE The pace has quickened and it's MARV who's dictating it. He's lighting this crowd up like... well, you get where I'm going with that. COACH I also knew a girl called Mary Jo Anna. COLE No you didn't. MARV waits for Logan to get up, burying a boot to the gut and hooking him up looking for the Acid Drop. He runs for the corner and scales the turnbuckles... but Logan gets in underneath MARV, flipping him up and over. MARV lands on his feet and runs in TO A WICKED LEFT JAB~! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE That devestating left hand! Stacking MARV on his shoulders Logan looks around with shifty eyes... 1... ...and when the time is right, PUTS HIS FEET ON THE MIDDLE ROPE... 2... ...BUT MEL JUMPS TO THE APRON AND PUSHES LOGAN'S FEET OFF!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Hey, what's that all about!? COLE MEL trying to prevent an injustice going down. Logan fumes at MEL and demands the referee take action. Which allows Synth to sneak into the ring and drag MARV up, hooking his arms behind his back while Abdullah climbs to the apron clutching the holy book! Synth drags MARV up and holds him for Abdullah to lower the boom... A MISTIMED BOOM, NAILING SYNTH WITH THE BOOK INSTEAD!! COACH OH NO! COLE He just threw the book at him! Freaking out, Abdullah is clocked too, with a right hand by MARV! Seeing trouble Logan charges with the double axehandle loaded, but MARV ducks underneath. Logan stops himself short of the ropes but when he turns around, MARV is waiting with the JAWJACKER!!! Stunned but still on his feet, Logan is then hooked up for the ACID DROP, MARV stacking Logan into a tight pin... 1... 2... 3!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE The Christ Air Express do it again, they've swept The Heavenly Rockers 2-0! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen your winner of the match is MMMAAAAAARRRRVVVV!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Rolling out of the ring before Synth or Abdullah can get to him MARV joins up with MEL for a celebratory jumping high-five! Stood over the beaten MACHO Macho Mann, Abdullah is seething and curses away in his native tongue like a madman. MARV and MEL are cool with it though and just laugh it up at their adopted brothers' expense. COLE Maybe Logan and Synth should think twice next time they decide to make fun of somebody for being a loser! Because it's all going to sound a little hollow next time, knowing they've both fallen to Jamie O'Hara best-brahs in singles competition in the space of two weeks. COACH Everybody gets lucky Michael. And it turns out, twins share luck as well. This doesn't change anything! COLE Well it might teach these four a little humility, although I wouldn't bet on it. Holly tends to Logan as Synth attempts to stop Abdullah's ranting and raving, stomping his feet like he's a six year old having a temper tantrum. All smiles MARV and MEL salute the crowd. COLE Oh, my! Ladies and gentlemen, I've been informed ZACK MALIBU has arrived and has demand mic time! HeldDOWN~! CONTINUES...

THIS PAST WEEKEND ON OAOAST SYNDICATED THE REASON DVR'S WERE INVENTED CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS Backstage, we find a glum looking Jade Rodez-Duncan, sat much like she was last week on discarded production equipment, in lieu of actually chairs. It's not that I'm uncreative, she just knows there's no chairs. Anyway, either side of her sit Shayne Brave and Tyler Bryant, also looking a little fed up. No prizes for guessing why. TYLER So you haven't spoken to him? JADE No. I mean I've tried like a hundred times and nothing, first he'd answer and then just hang up, now not even that. The boybanders shake their heads sadly. And then, suddenly, get over it. TYLER So... anyway, did you get a chance to ask Krista about our tag match idea? Jade looks at Tyler as if that were the last thing that should be on his mind. JADE Uhm... yeah, I did. They're not keen on it. Sorry. Disappointed to say the least, Tyler and Shayne glance at each other. SHAYNE Did you tell them how much we were looking forward to it? JADE Well... yeah, but... TYLER Maybe you didn't sell it to them right. SHAYNE Gotta sell it. Again, Jade sees this as one of the least of her concerns and is somewhat annoyed about it. JADE Look, I've kinda had other things on my mind guys, ya know? TYLER Oh no, we totally get it. We feel the same way. JADE I know you do. SHAYNE It's just, we were really looking forward to it. JADE I know you were. But you know how Mom is. Once she gets her mind made up about something, nobody could convince her otherwise. Including me. Like, even if Oprah said on her show "hey, you should all buy this book, this singer is fantastic, oh and D*LUX versus COD would be an awesome match", I don't even think that'd work! Realising the powers of persuasion that Oprah carries, D*LUX realise they're in a bad situation. JADE I'm sorry guys. TYLER It's cool. D*LUX begin to leave... but suddenly getting an idea, Tyler stops his tag partner and whispers something in his ear. Perking up, Shayne turns back to Jade with a smile. TYLER You still own part of our contract, right? JADE Yeah but if you want to take about re-negotiating, gotta warn you, Mom's talking about getting me my own lawyer. Some mothers just quietly disapprove of boyfriends. TYLER No, it's not that. If you still own part of the contract and you're still officially managing us, technically, doesn't that mean you can just sign off on the match for us? JADE You want me to go behind Mom's back!? TYLER No! No no no no! No! SHAYNE Well, yes. TYLER But only kinda. We're still gonna need them to sign a contract. So, you can sign it on behalf of us, then pass it off as something else. Krista'll see your signature on it, stick her's next to it and it's on! She probably won't even look at it for more than five seconds. You don't even have to lie, just kinda not tell her the whole story. Shocked, Jade stammers to answer for a few seconds. JADE ...NO! I can't do that! Mom'd kill me! TYLER Not if she doesn't find out. SHAYNE Which she will, you know, once she realises she's got a match with us and all. TYLER Yeah but that'll be weeks away. Reaching into the back pocket of his jeans, Tyler produces a contract. JADE You're really serious about this, aren't you? TYLER Look, if Krista finds out, just tell her it was our idea. JADE It is! TYLER Exactly. And she'll forgive you. SHAYNE Pleeease? Looking at the contract, Jade takes it from Tyler with clear reservations. JADE I'll try. But no promises. D*LUX are too busy fist-pumping to worry about promises, before they give Jade a group hug. They wish her "good luck" before taking off, leaving poor Jade to look at the contract again and panic about what she's about to attempt to do. COMING UP Hey, wait... Will the Heavenly Rockers have a new complaint? LOGAN MANN VS MARV of THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS NEXT!