Tony149

Blue spotlights move in a speedy horizontal pattern as “Makes Me Wonder” plays to a rocking accompaniment of overjoyed cheers. Thousands of Detroiters come out of their (overpriced) seats to welcome one of their very own, Tyler Bryant. The hometown reception isn’t lost on Tyler, and he explodes through the entrance doors with incredible energy. Down goes his denim jacket, cast to the steel floor, and up go his arms in salute to his native city. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of thirty minutes! Now making his way to the ring, weighing in at one hundred and ninety six pounds, he hails from right here in Auburn Hills, Michigan, he is Tremendous Tyler Bryant! The ovation from the sold out audience grows even greater, as Tyler happily slaps hands with those who have come to give him their love and support. COLE This match is so personal. So personal. Mister Dick has needlessly attacked Tyler with cheap shots, insulted him, targeted his personal hero in Krista, and tried to keep his best friend from making his long awaited return to the OAOAST. COACH Bad things happen when good men do nothing. Good men were doing nothing and a bad thing like Tyler Bryant being employed by the OAOAST continued to happen. First PRL, then Brave, and now Bryant? Damn, you think if I drop some hints, Mister Dick’ll take a bus and back it over the Love Doctors? Tyler dives into the ring, and leaps to his feet to offer one final nod to a roaring and approving audience. COLE Can you imagine how much it would mean to Tyler if he could beat Mister Dick here in the arena he grew up watching live wrestling events at? COACH It’d be like the Tooth Fairy leaving some delicious crack rock under your pillow, you may dream about it, you may even rip out some of yo teef stick em underneath yo pillow and pray, but in the end it just ain’t gonna happen. You stuck smoking that section 8 crack! COLE I’m quite fond of section 8 crack. Folks, Tyler Bryant had a few things to say about his match with Mister Dick. Let’s take a listen. COLE Very tough talk from Tyler Bryant. I see he's taking Krista's advice to heart! I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! When I come crashing down and its throbbing deep inside I’ll leave you wetter than a flood tide I gotta bend you over that’s how I like to ride! I date a girl who whips my hide And my 12 inches is my greatest pride I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! Womanizer, Womanizer, Womanizer The All American Dick receives the type of cross reaction one would expect from someone with his execrable rap sheet. The sizzling sparks of the golden pyro fall from the arena ceiling adding their own heat to the flaming one of the audience. Into this atmosphere emerges the Texas stud muffin, Mister Dick. He allows his bath robe to fall away from his broad shoulders where one of the stage hands quickly whisks it away. His dark tan skin holds a beautiful sheen from light body oil covering his entire body, serving to highlight the definition and tone of his hard muscles. He twirls around inside gold and white spotlights, showing himself as the poster boy for every underwear add you’ve ever seen. Thighs as thick and muscled as both of Tyler’s put together, not to mention arms as thick as tree-trunks as he held them above his head taunting crowd. When he slowly turns, it isn’t the definition of his tight "six-pack" stomach however, but the monster-sized prick between his legs that indeed stand out stiff, long and almost threatening. COLE I can’t believe you, the person so homophobic he can’t even keep his clothes in the closet, is an unabashed Mister Dick fan. COACH Every straight man is allowed one vaguely homosexual crush. This is written in the book of man laws. Listening to you, the library must’ve forgot to lend you a copy. Mister Dick slowly turns on his way down the ramp so that his legion of haters has an opportunity to add with penis envy to their list of reasons to despise him. BUFFER Now making his way to the ring from San Antonio, Texas, weighing in at two hundred thirty six pounds, representing the Deadly Alliance, he is the multi Angle Award winning MISTER DICK! The award winning Dick performs a graceful slide into the ring, nearly slicing through the legs of Tyler, who was lucky to be able to back up. With a perverse and lecherous eye on a young lady in the front row, the Human Hard On furiously plows his pork n beans into the ring mat. Bryant looks on disgusted and outraged, hardly able to keep himself from cheap shotting Mister Dick before the bell even rings. COLE Mister Dick had a great a night at the Angle Awards, but what kind of night will he have here, facing Tyler Bryant? DING DING DING! Immediately after the bell rings, an angered Bryant charges towards Mister Dick. But his fury and energy isn’t much of a match for the Human Hard On, and the former Texas A&M QB dsucks his rival into a headlock. The Tremendous one tries to pull himself free of MD’s muscular arms, but those powerful limbs are harsh jailers and refuse to release him. Tyler won’t give up on his quest and peppers MD’s side with piddling shots. Though annoying, they don’t do enough damage to the Cocky Prick to prevent him from flinging the former HI-YAH tag champ over with a headlock takeover. Bryant hits the ground hard, with force that should knock the wind out him. Yet he keeps himself sharp and composed and continues to try and fight out of Mister Dick’s arms. “MISTER PENCIL DICK! MISTER PENCIL DICK!” the fans chant, trying to throw MD off his game. They appear to have some success as Tyler is able to bring himself and his foe upright. Back onto his feet, Tyler finally manages to rid himself of The Cocky Prick with a hard shove into the ropes. But The Human Hard On rumbles back with his powerful leg raised for a Stiff Kick! Tyler ducks beneath the signature move and prepares to slash his rival with a spinning wheel kick. But before he can even get off the ground the ultra athletic Mister Dick knocks him over with a dropkick! “BOOOO!” hisses the audience as they watch the hated villain spit on the boybander. But rather than get mad like the audience, Tyler gets even, and douses Mister Dick in spittle! His eyes brimming with horror and outrage, MD looks downward to find that Bryant’s loogie has landed right on his favorite body part. “YEAAAA!” the audience screams, doing nothing to calm Mister Dick’s flaring anger. His rage causes him to blast Tyler in the neck with a boot as the boybander begins heading back to his feet. Struggling for breath, Bryant stumbles back into the corner where he uses the ring ropes to support himself. There’s no time to catch his breath though thanks to MD attempting to use his shiny metal dick to return the spit back into Bryant’s mouth. But Bryant uses the ropes slide himself out the way, and MD crashes cock first into the ring posts! COLE It should come as no surprise that Mister Dick missed that move, as he’s 0-8 on it when 70% or more of Baltimore fisherman catch crab the day before. COACH What galaxy did you pull that stat from? Thanks to his ever important steel cup, the Cocky Prick’s prick is able to avoid any serious damage. But the steel cup can’t prevent him from being brought down to the ground by a springboard lariat! “YEAH-UH!” Tyler shouts to his fanbase as he leaps to his feet. Mister Dick quickly follows him back up, but is brought back to the canvas by a crowd popping arm drag. He tries to scurry away, to put some distance between he and the teen idol, but Tyler shuts down his escape with an armlock. “LET’S GO TYLER! LET’S GO TYLER!” chants the sold out crowd, getting an appreciative nod from their fellow Detroiter. Unfortunately Tyler’s moment to acknowledge his people comes at a heavy cost, as it allows MD to find his way back upright. He snaps his arm free of Bryant’s hold and then batters his foe’s slender midsection with brutal kicks. COLE When Mister Dick throws at least thirty kicks in a match and wears trunks with red lettering he is 12-3 against wrestlers that way under 220 lbs but over 165 pounds. COACH Damn, son, you suckin real hard, now. You suckin Day The Earth Stood Still hard. COLE These are valid stats, my friend, part of the new OAOAST360 computer program designed by Melody Nerdly in conjunction ESPN! All the up to the minute in depth stats on your favorite stars. After weakening Tyler with enough stomps Mister Dick attempts to throw him towards the opposite end of the ring. But the Detroiter reverses the hold and sends his rival into the ropes. The Texan comes roaring back trying to flatten Tyler with a shoulder tackle. But Bryant succeeds in guiding his charging adversary onto his shoulders and then falls backwards to plant him onto the canvas with a samoan drop! COLE In games decided by three or less points in December, the Patriots are 7-0 when it snows with more than 8 minutes to go before halftime and the sum of the quarterback's and running back's numbers is less than 50, when such a situation occurs on an even dated Sunday when the moon is 3/4th regression, Tyler Bryant is able to get at least a two count off a Samoan drop. COACH My brain! I can’t feel my brain! Mister Dick hurries to a standing position, but all his haste does is cause him to be captured by a running snap stunner! Although it leaves him with horrific pain in his neck, he remains upright, woozy from the strike. This allows Tyler to bounce off the ropes and lacerate him with a diving lariat! As soon as Mister Dick hits the canvas, Bryant slides on top of him for a pinfall that’s scored by Charles Robinson ONE! TWO! Mister Dick pulls his shoulder off the mat. Now free of the pinfall, Mister Dick crawls towards the corner in order to use it as a base to catch his breath. Problematically, the adorable teen idol follows him in and begins cutting into his baby oiled skin. Tyler’s fast moving chops do quite a bit of damage to Mister Dick, but they come to a sudden close when the Human Hard On blasts him in his own mister dick with his cowboy boots. “BOOOOOO!” Detroit spews their venom at Mister Dick as their hometown hero falls over into the ropes, howling in agony. Robinson tries to warn MD against repeating that dirty play, but the Texan remarks that its not his fault Tyler hasn’t come as well equipped as he has. COACH Hehehehe. One of Detroit’s most eligible bachelor’s just got a lot less eligible. Now ignoring the continued admonishments of Robinson, Mister Dick grabs onto the back of Bryant’s head and throws him face first into the near by ring posts. The teenage girls in the audience shriek in panic over their crush’s possibly wounded face. Their object of affection almost topples over to the ground, but Mister Dick keeps him upright and launches him to the opposite corner. Tyler smacks into the ring posts, his back absorbing the brunt of an awful blow. MD smiles cruelly at the pain he’s inflicted, and then runs in with his arm raised into a lariat! But his approach is far too telegraphed, and this allows Tyler to kick up his sneakers and block his attack. While his friends and family applaud his counter, Tyler quickly leaps onto the top rope where he plans to execute a moonsault press. He takes a second to pump the audience up with eager hand clapping. And although the fans respond in earnest, he leaves himself open to Mister Dick (no homo) who leaps onto the second rope next to Bryant. The boybander tries to elbow his rival away from him, hitting him in his handsome face with furious blows. But the flurry of strikes comes to a decisive and violent end when The Human Hard On flings him backwards with a side Russian leg sweep. “OOOOOOH!” is the reaction from the Motor City crowd as the two warriors land with ring shaking impact on the mat. COLE OAOAST 360 tells me that whenever Mars is in retreograde and Detroit weather is bellow forty degrees between the times of 5:15 and 8:07 Shayne Brave has a 76% chance of hitting a move from the second rope. Did you know that, Coach? COACH I know you oughta choke on a dick dipped in rat shit. Bryant rolls around the mat with his hand held against his badly injured back, as Mister Dick mocking stands above him crying unsympathetic crocodile tears. Once done with taunting his foe, MD covers his body for a fall… ONE! TWO! Bryant gets his shoulder off the canvas. Beyond that, he’s able to accomplish little more as an angered Mister Dick drops a leg directly onto his face. He returns to his feet and lays his spurred boots into Bryant’s chest. After the third stomp lands, Mister Dick drops down for another cover… ONE! TWO! Once again Bryant finds a way to avoid certain defeat. But just like before Bryant isn’t able to return to the offense, thanks to Mister Dick clamping his chiseled arms around his face in a camel clutch. “LET’S GO TYLER! LET’S GO TYLER!” his hometown fans begin to rally behind him. Tyler’s teeth grit together hard, almost grinding themselves into white ashes as he attempts to stomach this rising pain. Above him his opponent’s thick Texas accent hollers at the referee to call for the bell. COLE Its not often we see a camel clutch end a match in the OAOAST, but the strength of Mister Dick is enough to get something like that done. Bryant hollers defiant “no”s to the referee’s constant asking of if he’ll submit. While his mouth screams the negative, his aching body yearns for the positive. “Give it up, boy! You ain’t got nothing for me!” The Human Hard On shouts at him. COLE Its disgusting to see that some of our most talented young superstars, Reject, Mister Dick, Spencer Reiger, come with such poor attitudes. COACH Hell is wrong with you? Turn on that OAOAST 360 program and tell us how Zack Malibu has a perfect winning percentage when he lies you down on the bed and does you raw. “TYLER! TYLER! TYLER!” Detroit sings, and their support is rewarded by their hometown hero attempting to pry Mister Dick’s fingers away from his face. Even though MD has a grip tighter than the jaws of life, Bryant finds some success and uses it to slowly push himself upright. Mister Dick is forced to follow suit, as he tries in desperation to keep his hold applied. This becomes frustratingly difficult when Bryant begins ramming his elbow into MD’s super ripped stomach. The audience’s chants grow louder and louder, as Bryant’s elbows grow all the more furious. But, his rebellion is shut down as Mister Dick floors him with a forearm across the back. “BOOOOO!” the fans spit their venom, neither amused nor aroused by Mister Dick grinding his magnificently proportioned body above the boybander. COLE Now I’m not one to complain about a half naked man shaking what his mama gave ‘em but what can be gained by insulting our great OAOAST Marks? COACH The first part of that sentence is why the second part exists. Mister Dick never had the kind of success he has now when he was pandering to these clowns. He’s in it for him and not the Marks, and that’s why he’s a future world champion. The Cocky Prick grabs onto to Tyler’s designer denim and pulls him to his feet. Now upright Tyler is brought into a front facelock, and feels a firm grip on the hip of his pants. Within moments he’s brought into the air for a vertical suplex. But the move is never completed as Tyler counters by falling backwards and rolling up the Angle Award winning superstar into a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Mister Dick kicks out right as the fans were preparing to celebrate an upset victory. Tyler slowly gets to his feet, trying to plan a move that will keep MD down. But his lethargic movement greatly hinders him as Mister Dick tears through him with a lethal stiff kick! The teenage girls in attendance shriek with dismay as they watch their cute idol fall to the ground in a battered heap. COLE Mister Dick doesn’t always hit the Stiff Kick, but when he does, its lights out! Mister Dick mounts Bryant and begins throwing a barrage of punches into his face, all while making kissey faces at a group of girls wearing “D*LUX” sweatshirts in the front row. The official pleads with MD to cease his use of closed fists, but the Cocky Prick refuses to hear his request. Finally, the referee is left with no choice but to threaten DQ. This causes MD to end his battering of Tyler, but then leads to him ordering the referee “to mind yer damn business!” COLE He’s the assigned official of the contest. If its anyone’s business, its his! Mister Dick’s argument with the referee affords Bryant much needed time to recover. With some of his strength back, he stumbles back to his feet. Unfortunately, his comeback ends before it starts; Mister Dick leaves him on the mat with a running neckbreaker. A second after Tyler hits the mats, he’s covered by Mister Dick… ONE! TWO! Tyler kicks out the pin and there’s a loud ovation from the Motown fans. There’s also a roar from Mister Dick, who lets his frustration over the count be loudly known. Thankfully for the front row audience’s ear drums, Mister Dick goes onto more productive activities by hooking Tyler into a rear chinlock. COLE With the beating Mister Dick has given Tyler, I don’t know how he’s going to handle this type of move. Tyler wails with agony as MD wrenches his neck back and forth between his powerful hands. Pain stretches all across his countenance and even the support of his native city doesn’t do much to stifle his misery. COACH This right here, dawg, is why the Deadly Alliance recruited Mister Dick. Because he can pound a dude out and then torture him until he submits. Tyler begins a painstaking struggle to get himself off the canvas. Despite Mister Dick’s tough hold on his chin, he succeeds in his efforts. But his opponent still has his deadly submission intact. Thus Tyler begins fighting against it by shooting elbows back into his six packed stomach. These strikes do just enough damage for Tyler to be able to upend MD with a back body drop! “YEAAAAAA!” COLE Yeah! Way to go, Tyler! The fans put out shouts of encouragement to Tyler, urging him to get to his feet and take the fight to Mister Dick. He slowly crawls to the ropes, seeking to use them in support of granting their wishes. Unfortunately a well recovered MD rushes towards him, intending on planting his boot into his skull. But, Tyler moves out the way at the last second, and only MD’s quick reflexes prevent him from being impaled crotch first on the second rope. So shocked over nearly destroying his prized possession, MD doesn’t notice Tyler rolling upright. This is a serious problem as the teenybopper leaps off the third rope and connects with a springboard leg lariat. The audience sends out a gigantic cheer as the hated Mister Dick is slammed to the ground. COLE A beautiful springboard dropkick from Tyler Bryant! There aren’t too many that can fly like him. What an athlete this guy is. COACH He ain’t better than Mister Dick! Bryant barely made the JV hockey team in high school, while Mister Dick was starring for the Aggies at the QB position. COLE Oh please. He was third string and god knows how many times his poor attitude nearly got him kicked off the team. Tyler gets back to his feet and rushes towards the ropes. He bounces off with the intent on striking a slowly rising Mister Dick with a cross body block. But midway through the move, MD reclaims his strength and with unerring ease throws Tyler over with a powerslam. The referee drops to his knees to count the fall.. ONE! TWO! A kickout by Tyler brings a massive ovation from his fans. Mister Dick quickly hops to his feet, and with a grip on Tyler’s shaggy cut brings him to his feet. He slams his knee into the side of Bryant’s head, drawing a horrible cry of agony from the youngster. Three more knees follow and leave Tyler doubled over, fighting a miserable battle just to be able to stand. Rather than capitalize on his foe’s wounded state, Mister Dick sees this as a perfect opportunity to grab his crotch and spit at the disdaining audience. “MISTER PENCIL DICK! MISTER PENCIL DICK! MISTER PENCIL DICK!” Mister Dick runs to the ropes and comes back with a knee aimed towards Tyler’s face. But the Detroiter sidesteps the strike and stuns his foe by hooking onto his arms and bringing him down with a backslide pin. ONE! TWO! Mister Dick recovers from his moment of shock just in time to kick out. COACH That was too close, man! How’d this bum almost beat a prolific don juan like Mister Dick? Back on their feet, Tyler keeps the heat on Mister Dick by tagging him in the jaw with a left-right combo of jabs. Mister Dick’s head snaps back and forth like a basketball dribbled on the court. Out on his feet, he can only watch through dazed eyes as Tyler runs towards the corner and springboards off with a moonsault press! “Let’s hear it, Motor City!” he hollers, leaping back to his feet. “YEAAAAAAAAH~!” they return back, as Mister Dick tries to scrape his body off the canvas. Halfway up, his head is rocked forward by the tremendous power behind Tyler’s shining enziguri! Nearly concussed by such a devastating attack he falls to the canavs, where the rock hard ring mat muffles his screams. COLE I think there could be an upset in our future! Tyler senses an impending victory as well, and impatiently bounces back and forth on his feet, awaiting Mister Dick’s rise. A victorious hunger sprouts in his eyes, and his hands twitch with an over eager anticipation. COLE He’s feeling it, Coach. He’s feeling it! COACH I’m feeling it to. It being “like barfing at your wacked out man love for this Tiger Beat clown” Tyler finally gets his wish as Mister Dick finds his way upright. He pounces upon his foe, taking his long slender body onto his shoulders in a standing fireman’s carry. A large pop comes from the stands, the fans happily awaiting his execution of the Idolizer. But their desired finisher is put on hold by Mister Dick overpowering his way through Tyler’s clutches. Immediately upon touching down on the canvas, The Human Hard On wraps his powerful arms around Tyler’s in a full nelson. Seconds later, Tyler is being flung to the canvas and KO’ed by the Pure Penetration! “OOOOOH!” reacts the audience, feeling the pains of going from the highes of victory towards the low of defeat. COLE Damn it. Damn it. I thought Tyler had this one. Mister Dick rolls Bryant onto his back for a crucial pinfall… ONE! TWO! THREE! Annoyed groans leave the lips of the fans, who can’t believe they’ve seen one of their favorites fall in defeat. The bell ring signifying the unwelcome victory, while Buffer rises off his chair to make the match ending announcement. BUFFER Your winner as a result of pinfall…MISTER DICK! Womanizer blasts back through the arena to even louder boos than it first entered with. Mister Dick celebrates this victory in the most despicable manner imaginable, dropping on all fours and lifting up his leg to simulate pissing like a dog onto his fallen foe. COLE He started 2008 a beloved and respected tag team champion and he starts 2009 peeing on a former friend. Mister Dick, everyone. New Year's Spectacular KITTY CAN SCRATCH Women's title on the line in New Year's Knockout Gauntlet Match NEXT!

COLE: And we’re BACK from break and- The Arena goes DARK – violins begin, with white and blue lights pulsing in time with them. Remember the Name by Fort Minor. COACH – Shit this is hot- The song kicks in and there’s suddenly a PERSON on the stage. Tall, lean, dressed in a tailored suit with a red silk tie. Short hair and sunglasses. COLE: Who the hell is that, C? COACH: I don’t know. And never call me C again. The stranger strides confidently down the aisle and easily slips through the ropes. He paces the ring. There’s something about his demeanor. Something dangerous. Like a lion in a cage that it knows it can get out of anytime It wants. The music dies. The stranger takes the mic from some random ring vixen. He nods at her, causing her to smile big and lick her lips. He smiles and turns to the inside of the ring. STRANGER: Hule Bartowski. COLE: What? COACH: Sounds like a name, Cole. STRANGER: That’s my name. It’s the name my momma gave me anyways. But let me ask you: what’s in a name? A name identifies you. People hear it and they instantly have things to think about you. It’s a label. Well you don’t know me, but I just signed an excluive contract with the OAOAST friends. Let me tell you what that means: there’s a new lion in town. COLE: A new Superstar! COACH: Fereal, Cole. And kid looks like he’s here to throw it down. The crowd buzzes a bit, but is unsure how to respond. STRANGER: See, there is no label for me. There’s just a clean slate! Well let me start the process of definition for you. And this isn’t just for the fans, this is for every man in the locker room! You can just call me The Name. I’m going to be THE NAME from now on. The first name you think of when you think of this company, the name of the guy that you face next, the name of the guy that just BEAT YOU. And come hell or high water, I’m gonna be the Name on the belt. I’m talking whatever belt I get near. There’s nowhere to go but up so every damn belt in this place is a target. Starting NOW. I’m the last Name you need to know. COACH: Hell yeah, I like this guy. The Name just dropped a warning to every title holder in the building! A VOICE comes over the SPEAKERS: Whoa, whoa, whoa! LUNAR PHOENIX emerges at the top of the ramp! The crowd BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSS!!! COLE: Phoenix! And what an unforgiving crowd! COACH: The hell? PHOENIX: Who the hell do you think you are? Listen, kid. It takes an admirable pair to come out here and assert yourself, but I crap more superstar power than your entire career could dream of. COLE: That sounds… painful. PHOENIX: So why don’t you just leave the ring and go to some weekend show and work on your elbow drop, okay? Phoenix laughs, but the crowd doesn’t follow along. Instead, they BOOOO louder! NAME: James Cone. Let me think… oh, yeah, that’s right – a promising has-been that’s wasted his comeback with ego. From what I’ve seen, brother, you need to head to the indies and work off some ring rust. COLE: Snap! The crowd LOVES IT! All that negative energy turns POSITIVE with a huge CHEER! Phoenix is FURIOUS. PHOENIX: You want to play in the big leagues, you got it! He THROWS THE MIC DOWN and SPRINTS for the ring! COACH: Shit! Here we go! By the time Phoenix SLIDES IN, Name has lost his coat. He LEAPS over Phoenix’s still sliding form and is off the ropes by the time Phoenix is on his feet. BOOM! FLYING FOREARM OFF THE ROPES! Phoenix is down, sunned. He’s quick to get back to his feet, however, and NAME is waiting by the ropes. STAREDOWN~! Phoenix darts in, gets a few RIGHT HANDS in, but Name shrugs it and WHIPS HIM! On the rebound, Phoenix takes a huge CODEBREAKER! He springs back up and goes WILD over the ROPES to the OUSIDE! Name is up, watching and waiting. Outside, Phoenix gets to unsteady feet. He wants none of it. He heads back for the ramp, yelling lots of unsavory things as he goes. In the ring, NAME just watches, a hungry grin on his face.

In rare non-COD duty, Terry Taylor is alongside the Heavenly Rockers and Colonel Abdullah Nerdly at the backstage interview area. TAYLOR Moments away from their Anderson Cup bout, I’m joined by the #7 seed in Los Infernales Conference and 2006 Anderson Cup champions, the Heavenly Rockers, accompanied by their promoter Colonel Abdullah Nerdly. ABDULLAH Brother Rooster, are you not apart of the Anderson Cup tournament committee? TAYLOR Well, I was until this year when the OAOAST went to a computerized system. SYNTH/LOGAN ABDULLAH Computerized system?! That certainly explains our bogus ranking. Does the OAOAST not know computers are the tool of the devil? Computers direct bombs to kill my brothers and sisters, corrupt our youth with online pornography and ruin college football! But a computer will NOT determine the fate of the Heavenly Rockers. LOGAN We sent the Beverly Hills Blonds packing with their tail between their legs the last time we met and I see no reason why we won‘t do it again. As far as I’m concerned, it’s gonna be second verse same as the first sayeth the Macho MACHO Mann! SYNTH Ain’t nobody can say it any better than dat, son. All that’s left to do is kick ass and put on one helluva show in the process. Praise be and shit! THR and Abdullah exit. TAYLOR That does it from here. Let’s go to my colleague Tony Brannigan with the Beverly Hills Blonds. We catch up with the OAOAST Original and the BHB in the locker room. BRANNIGAN Simon, Ned, in just a few short minutes you’ll be renewing your bitter rivalry with the Heavenly Rockers. But I want to ask you about an incident that occurred 3 weeks ago where under the orders of your former employer, Theodore Moneymaker, you were viciously assaulted by V.I.C.E. OAOAST FLASHBACK HeldDOWN~! December 10, 2008 BRANNIGAN As if that wasn’t bad enough, Moneymaker then stuffed a pair of documents down your throats! Just what were the contents of said documents? NED Wow, you don’t beat around the bush, do you Tony? I admire that, and you aren’t the only inquiring mind. It seems old moneybags is claiming to own the rights to the Beverly Hills Blonds name, despite the fact it was our creation. SIMON See, Tony, Teddy is your typical billionaire. When he can’t buy what he wants, he goes out and tries to take it no matter the consequences. It’s why you’ve seen Ned and I come to the aid of Baron Windels the past few weeks. We know Teddy operates under the motto “strength in numbers.” If you go back and check, you’ll notice the only people to have success against him had backup. Now anybody who gets in a pickle with Teddy we’ll have us as backup! You want us to cease and desist using the BHB name, Teddy? Beat us for it. I don’t mean with sneak attacks or in the courts, but inside the squared circle. Let the ring be our judge, jury and executioner. But if we beat you, then you gotta return the Siclopse. NED And kiss our ass! SIMON NED Figuratively speaking because I wouldn’t want his lips touching my ass, but I‘d sure love to shove my boot so far up his sorry ass he‘d floss using my laces! SIMON BWAHAHA! Settle the score like a man for once in your life, Teddy. Leave the money and courts behind and fight for what you want. Something we proved by leaving your Enterprise. BRANNIGAN What about the Heavenly Rockers, gentlemen? NED Hey, they like to talk about what they did to us the last time we met. What they fail to mention is the numerous times we beat their ass down before they finally got a W. Yeah, it’s gonna be second verse same as the first, but for you a whole lot worse. The BHB exit. BRANNIGAN What a battle this should be. I can’t wait. Guys, let’s head back out to you. HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! The stage lit by multicolored spotlights, Colonel Abdullah Nerdly leads out the Heavenly Rockers to the tune of “Heart-Shaped Box“ by Nirvana. BUFFER The following contest is a first round Anderson Cup bout! Introducing first, COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents the only rock n' wrestling band that matters... SYNTH ABDUL-JABBAR and LOGAN “MACHO MACHO” MANN… THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY ROCKERS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Here they come, Cole, one of three teams attempting to become two-time Anderson Cup champions, and minus Holly by the looks of it. COLE Indeed you’re right. The Angel of Death involved later tonight in the New York Knockout Gauntlet. COACH That’d explain her absence. She's probably backstage preparing for it. It’ll be interesting to see whether Molly Nerdly accompanies the Beverly Hills Blonds since she's also involved in that match, although she wouldn’t be too big a loss. COLE Logan taunts OAOAST Marks ringside as Synth and Abdullah hold a prayer session that’s interrupted by the music of Lupe Fiasco. If you are what you say you are A superstar Then have no fear The camera's here and the microphones and they wanna know Oh oh oh yeah BUFFER And their opponents, ranked #2 in Los Infernales Conference… “BOX-OFFICE” SIMON SINGLETON and “THE HANDSOME HUSTLER” NED BLANCHARD... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Like their arch-rivals, the Beverly Hills Blonds too are without their female companion, walking the red carpet with only their clapboard. COLE Coach, you wondered if Molly would accompany the Blonds and there’s your answer. COACH I’m even more worried for the Heavenly Rockers now. Molly is the Jessica Simpson of the OAOAST. Her men perform badly when she’s present. It’s no coincidence the BHB never regained the tag titles once they kicked Lorelei DeCenzo to the curb in favor of Molly. COLE That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard this year! COACH What’s ridiculous is the BHB blaming Teddy for their stupid decision, and whining about a camera that‘s the rightful property of the Enterprise. Let’s not forget using the BHB name without the expressed written consent of the E! The Heavenly Rockers don’t allow the BHB to enter the ring peacefully, pouncing on them the moment they step through the ropes. * DINGDINGDING * COLE And this one’s already underway! COACH We shouldn’t have expected anything different from these two teams, Cole. Hate doesn’t even begin to describe this longtime rivalry. Down early the BHB fight back to take control. They whip THR into the ropes for a pair of baaaaack body drops, and then clothesline them over the top rope! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The Colonel reorganizes his men and sends them back for battle, but the BHB are ready, executing stereo hip tosses. Synth rolls outside and Simon wipes him out with a SLINGSHOT CROSSBODY as Ned covers Logan! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Unimaginable a couple years ago, Logan begs off, offering Ned his hand in a symbolic gesture. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As the OAOAST Marks urge Ned not to shake Logan’s hand, the Macho Macho Mann swears he’s being sincere, crossing his heart and all. But the Handsome Hustler is no fool. He’s a former rule breaker who knows all the dirty tricks in the book, which is why he accepts Logan’s gesture, then ducks a WICKED LEFT HOOK~! and delivers an atomic drop that sends Mann crashing into Synth! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Logan staggers back towards mid-ring and a DOUBLE FEATURE FLAPJACK by the BHB! Abdullah hops on the apron to protest the double-teaming and Simon dropkicks him off! COACH Where’s the ACLU when you need them? Simon Singleton just violated the Colonel’s first amendment rights. Cover made. ONE! TWO! NO! The Handsome Hustler is raked across the eyes by Synth, leading to a Heavenly Rockers tag and double-team as they put the boots to him while Simon is restrained by the referee. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Forget the ACLU. Where’s the damn ref? COACH Doing his job and a fine one at that. It’s not his fault Simon is just another dumb blond. Synth brings Ned to his feet and presents him with a GIFT FROM ALLAH, head butting him with his goggles on, followed by a vertical suplex. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! SAB stomps Blanchard on the side of the face, then heads up top, pausing to praise the heavens. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" He then struggles to maintain his balance as Simon begins to shake the top rope, causing him to lose his balance and CROTCH himself on the turnbuckle! SYNTH "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Blanchard rolls to the corner and tags out. Simon quick to unload with a series of stinging overhand chops on SAB, then a preemptive strike on Logan for good measure before hitting a SUPERPLEX ON SYNTH!! The cover. ONE! TWO! THR-- NO! Logan recovers to make the save. Scoop and a slam, which Simon capitalizes on with a FLYING ELBOWDROP! Simon hooks the leg. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! The BHB tag and perform their trademark drop toehold/pointy elbow combo. This leads to another fast tag and the launch of THE ATOMIC BLOND…BUT SYNTH GETS THE KNEES UP!!! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” COACH The Blonds went for it all and it just may well cost them the match, Mikey Cole. They were in control but got greedy. THR tag and Simon gets decked by a back elbow, then a jumping knee drop. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Introduced violently to the buckle, Singleton is then pounded by an array of short left jabs to the face and body. But Logan makes the mistake of paint brushing the BHB and has the tables turned on him. * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Logan reverses a whip and, upon hitting the ropes, Simon is nailed with a knee to the back from Synth, and then a running sledgehammer by Logan that knocks him outside. COLE The referee better keep a close eye on Simon. He’s in no man’s land. COACH Like they Heavenly Rockers would do anything illegal. Just as Coach finishes his sentence Colonel Abdullah thumps Simon with his shoe. Again. And again. COLE You were saying, Coach? COACH Obviously Simon must’ve uttered a racial slur. COLE Tossed back in by Abdullah, Simon is the recipient of a SWINGING NECKBREAKER by the new legal man, Synth Abdul-Jabbar. “SIMON!” “SIMON!” “SIMON!” Ned whips up support for his partner, but it doesn’t prevent the PILEDRIVER that ensues. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY NED! Abdullah screams over at Ned who responds with a single gesture, or rather a single FINGER. ABDULLAH Blanchard’s act earns him the wrath of SAB. * WHAP * NED A slap to face baits Ned inside, giving THR the opportunity to finish Simon off with DOUBLE PERCUSSION…BUT A PAIR OF LOW BLOWS STOPS THAT! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Oh, my! COACH What a blatant disregard for the rules, Cole. Not to mention a sheer act of desperation. Had the referee been doing his job he would’ve seen that and disqualified the Blonds on the spot. COLE But earlier on you said the official was doing a fine job. COACH I never said that. COLE We’ve got you on tape! COACH Well there’s your problem right there. Don’t you know everything’s digital now? The “SIMON” chants ring throughout once again as B.O.S.S. seeks to make the all important tag. He crawls towards Ned looking back every so often to check the status of THR, both just starting to stir. ABDULLAH (to THR) Get up! Get up! Synth does as Simon lunges forward and makes the tag! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE What an ovation! COACH I can barely hear myself think, Cole. You’d think the Lions just won single game. Blanchard comes in kicking ass, leveling the Heavenly Rockers on numerous occasions. DOUBLE COCONUT knocks THR into next year, with Logan falling out to the floor and Synth into the arms of Ned Blanchard and a STUN GUN! ONE! TWO! THR-- NO! Abdullah pulls the referee outside, and then he gets yanked onto the apron for a face to face with Ned. The Colonel does his best lawyer’s plea to no avail. Ned prepared to wish him a Happy New Year in his own special way, until he hears footsteps and moves aside. A head-on collision with Abdullah a certainty, divine intervention sets in and Synth is able to put on the brakes. Disaster averted the two men share a hug and kiss on both cheeks. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Ned interrupts and it’s… …KICK, WHAM, SLINGSHOT SU… NO! SAB floats over and holds Ned in place for the Colonel. COLE What’s going on here? Abdullah opens a small bag and THROWS POWDER INTO THE EYES OF SYNTH! COACH Oh, no! COLE Ned ducked! Blanchard grabs the CLAPBOARD in the BHB corner and WALLOPS Synth, which goes unnoticed by the official who also got hit with some of the powder, blinding him momentarily! COACH Wait a minute. The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, advancing onto the second round of the Anderson Cup… THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Simon and Ned embrace outside, raising their arms in victory. COACH The Blonds aren’t winners, they’re cheaters! COLE Simon and Ned resorting to some of their old tricks to move onto the next week. COACH But they cheated! Didn’t you hear me? COLE Not with this great crowd on hand. Stay with us fans. We'll be back. New Year's Spectacular Will Continue...

Oh No by Mos Def, Nate Dogg, and Pharoahe Monche hits, and Todd Cortez makes his way through the curtains. COLE And here comes Todd Cortez, as he gets one more crack at Alfdogg's United States title! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST United States championship! If the champion is disqualified or counted out, the championship WILL change hands! Introducing first, the challenger, hailing from Hollywood Boulevard, weighing in at 226 pounds...representing Cucaracha Internacional, he is the URBAN LEGEND, TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! COLE And you can see Cortez limping noticeably as a result of that heinous attack by the Deadly Alliance two weeks ago, Sandman bringing out a PORCUPINE to attack Cortez's knee! Josie Baker told Cortez he could have a rematch if he was up to it tonight, and here he is! Cortez waits in the ring, as Magnum Opus hits, and Alfdogg makes his way through the curtains. BUFFER His opponent...weighing in at 237 pounds...he is the leader of the Deadly Alliance, and the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST United States champion...ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!! Alf rolls into the ring and raises his belt in the air, drawing boos. The referee checks Cortez, then checks Alf, who then gives the referee his belt. The referee raises Alf's belt in the air, then calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Alf and Cortez circle the ring, then tie up. Alf takes Cortez down in a side headlock, but Cortez quickly grabs Alf in a headscissors. Alf kips up to escape, then taunts Cortez. COLE Some wrestling here to start us off! COACH Well, I think if it comes down to a wrestling match, you'd have to give the advantage to Alf! COLE And remember, if Alf is disqualified or counted out here, he loses the title! The two tie up once again, and this time Cortez goes behind, then takes Alf down by the legs, and starts to grind his face into the mat! Alf gets to his feet and goes after Cortez, who catches him with an armdrag! Alf rolls to the outside to regroup! COLE Alf frustrated over that last sequence! Alf slides back into the ring, and goes in to tie up, but delivers a thumb to the eye instead. He then wrings the arm, and takes Cortez down to the mat, switching to a standing wristlock. Alf then lightly kicks Cortez in the head a couple times. COACH And that's insult to injury right there, Cole! Cortez fights his way to his feet, then backs Alf into the ropes and whips him across. Alf takes down Cortez with a shouldercheck, then hops over him. Cortez leapfrogs Alf, then catches him with a monkeyflip! Cortez gets to his feet, and clotheslines Alf to the floor! COLE And Alf to the outside once again! Cortez follows Alf out, then grabs him and tosses him back inside. Cortez follows Alf in, then takes him down from behind with a neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Cortez then catches Alf with an armdrag, then bars the arm. Alf works his way to his feet, then backs Cortez into the ropes and shoves him across. Cortez ducks a clothesline, then catches Alf with a crucifix! 1... 2... Kickout! Cortez sets up Alf for an Irish whip, but Alf reverses. Alf drops down, then leapfrogs Cortez, before catching him with a SPINNING WHEEL KICK~! COLE Big kick from Alf! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf stomps away on Cortez, until Cortez rolls to the outside. Alf follows Cortez outside, then scoops him up, and rams his lower back into the ringpost! COLE Cortez back-first into the post! Alf rolls Cortez back inside, then whips him into the ropes, and catches him in a sleeper! COLE Submission hold applied! Alf positions Cortez in mid-ring, and Cortez slowly fades. The referee checks the arm... 1!!! 2!!! ...but Cortez holds through! Cortez pulls himself up, then delivers an elbow to the gut! And another! And a third! Alf releases the hold, then Cortez runs to the ropes. Alf drops down, then comes up and catches Cortez in a AA SPINEBUSTER~! COACH Yeah! COLE Beautiful recovery by Alf! 1... 2... Kickout! COLE But Cortez not out of it yet! Alf backs Cortez into a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf attempts an Irish whip, but Cortez reverses. Alf hops to the second rope, and comes off with a bodypress...but Cortez rolls through! 1... 2... NO! Kickout! COLE And Cortez almost able to sneak out of here with the title! Alf gets to his feet first, then catches Cortez with another CHOP~!, knocking Cortez right back down to the mat! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf scoops up Cortez, but Cortez slips behind, and goes for a slam of his own, but Alf falls on top! 1... 2... Kickout! COLE I think Cortez's knee may have given out on him on that slam attempt! Alf goes to the floor with the momentum, but quickly climbs back onto the apron. Cortez tries to suplex him back inside, but Alf floats over, then executes a GERMAN SUPLEX~! 1... 2... Kickout! COACH Almost! COLE VERY close call there! Alf executes a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf complains to the referee about the count, which gets him nowhere. He then attempts a suplex...but Cortez counters into a small package! 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Another close one for Cortez! Alf delivers another CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf then attempts an Irish whip, but Cortez reverses. Cortez attempts a tilt-a-whirl, but Alf spins through to his feet, then scoops up Cortez, and plants him with a TOMBSTONE~! COLE Tombstone piledriver! COACH That is IT! Alf makes his way over to the corner, and starts his climb. COACH No, THIS is it! Alf gets his balance, and attempts the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111...but Cortez rolls out of the way! COLE But nobody home! With both men down, the referee begins a count. 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! Cortez sits up, then turns to his side, then Alf does the same. Alf goes after Cortez...but gets caught in the CROTCH DROPPAH~! COLE Cortez with that inverted atomic drop! Cortez backs into the ropes, and floors Alf with a clothesline! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Cortez follows with an STO~! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! Cortez picks Alf up, and delivers a foot to the gut, then follows with the URBAN ASSAULT~! COLE The Urban Assault! That could do it! 1... 2... NO!!! Shoulder up! COLE WOW! How close was that! Alf tries to crawl to the outside, but Cortez grabs him by his foot. Alf pulls himself up by the ropes, then floors Cortez with an ENZIGURI~! COACH What a move! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Cortez gets the shoulder up! Alf then picks up Cortez in an atomic drop, then sets him up on the top rope, pulling him back into a tree of woe! COLE And that injured knee of Cortez hung up in the ropes! Alf kicks away at Cortez as the referee lays a count on, then backs off. Alf lets the referee free Cortez, while taunting the crowd, to their negative reaction. Once Cortez is free, Alf moves in, taking him over with a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE Alf setting up the big kill! Alf follows up with a T-BONE~!!, then rolls through to the legs of Cortez, and hooks him in a FIGURE-FOUR~! COLE And a figure-four locked in by Alf! Cortez holds his face in his hands, as Alf locks in the hold. COACH Cortez has got to give it up here, I think! His career could be at stake! Cortez lays on his back. 1... 2... Cortez springs up, then lifts his right arm in the air and spins it around, as the crowd gets on his side! COLE And Cortez could be trying to reverse this, Coach! Cortez lets out a yell, as he turns the hold over! COLE And the hold is reversed! Alf gets to the ropes, then turns the hold back over, using the ropes for leverage until the referee's count reaches four, at which point he breaks. Cortez moves to a corner, where Alf continues to work on the knee, then picks Cortez up...but Cortez lands an ENZIGURI~! COLE And Cortez with an enziguri now! Cortez lays on the mat for a few seconds, then pulls himself up, and whips Alf hard into the corner! Cover... 1... 2... NO!!! Alf gets the shoulder up! Cortez picks up Alf, and executes a Russian legsweep, followed by a legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Cortez gets up and waits on Alf, then delivers the SITOUT SPINEBUSTER~! Cover... 1... 2... NO!!! Shoulder up! COLE Cortez coming so close! You get the feeling that one more big move could put Alf away! COACH Come on, Alf! Cortez picks Alf up, and delivers a CROTCH-DROPPAH~!, followed by the HOLLOW POINT~! COLE And that could be it! 1... 2... NO!!! Shoulder up! COACH And now you've got to give some credit to Alf here, taking some of the best moves of Todd Cortez and still fighting! COLE Absolutely, that's why he's a former two-time World champion, and the reigning US champion! Cortez hammers away on Alf, who takes a big swing, which Cortez ducks, and hooks him in a sleeper! However, Alf gets to the ropes, and as the referee attempts to break the hold, kicks him leg up between the legs of Cortez! COLE And a low blow by Alf! The referee didn't see it! Alf turns to Cortez, and hooks him in the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COLE And now Alf with the Sharpshooter! Cortez is in tremendous pain, but fights his way over, and reaches the ropes! COLE And Cortez to the ropes! What a match! Alf hammers away on Cortez in the corner, then picks him up and sets him on the top. Alf starts to follow him up, but Cortez counters with right hands, then grabs him in a front facelock, and lifts him in a suplex, dropping him face-first to the mat! COLE Alf going face-first right down to the mat! As Alf tries to get to his feet, Cortez slides down, jumps on Alf's head...and executes the RIOT ACT PLUS~!!!!!11111 COACH Oh no! COLE He got it! Cover... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE NEW CHAMPION!!! COACH Damn it! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen...the winner of the match...and NEWWWWWWWWW OAOAST United States champion...TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! COLE Todd Cortez has done it! Injured knee and all, Todd Cortez has kicked off the new year as the NEW United States champion! The referee presents Cortez the belt, and Cortez raises it high in the air, to the delight of the fans, while still hobbling on his bad knee. COLE The first singles title for Todd Cortez in the OAOAST! And you wonder if this will raise the respect level of Todd Cortez within Landon's stable! COACH I can't believe this. COLE Well, you better believe it, because it's official, Todd Cortez is the new OAOAST United States champion! And we'll be back with more as the New Year's Spectacular continues after this. New Year's Spectacular A RIVALRY RENEWED The Heavenly Rockers vs. Beverly Hills Blonds FIRST ROUND ANDERSON CUP ACTION NEXT!

Congrats, man. You found your Kelly! Hey, I had to get in some SBTB reference, although I imagine you might have gotten your fair share of those already. Best of luck to you two.

If it's no trouble at all, I'd really appreciate it if you guys could write some New Year's resolutions for a handful of your characters to be used during the opening of the NYS. You know, something like "My NYR is to be OAOAST Champion," etc. Hey, if you can come through for KC then you can for me too, right? You can post your NYR in this thread.

First Round Anderson Cup Match The Heavenly Rockers vs. Beverly Hills Blonds

Final AC Shill, which segues to Abdullah vs. BW. This should go on sometime after KC's Tim Cash segment. [color="#FF8C00"][b]FROM THE GOSSIP HEARD ON THE [color="#FF0000"]OAOAST HOT NEWZLINE[/color], THIS IS AN [color="#0000FF"]ANDERSON CUP [/color]SHILL![/b][/color] By now you know the host and the set, so no there’s no need to remind you about that. BRANNIGAN With your final Anderson Cup shill, I’m Tony Brannigan. The time for talking is just about over, ladies and gentlemen. Live right here next week not only do we kick off 2009 with our big New Year‘s Spectacular, so to is the start of the 5th annual Anderson Cup. Last week I promised we’d have the entire 2009 Anderson Cup bracket for you this week and I am a man of my word, folks. And boy did the tournament committee outdo themselves this year. [color="#2E8B57"][b]MIRACLE WEIRDNESS CONNECTION CONFERENCE[/b][/color] [color="#2E8B57"][b]Theodore Moneymaker & Christian Wright[/b][/color] (1) vs. [color="#FF0000"][b]The Love Doctors[/b][/color] (8) [b][color="#A0522D"]Christ Air Express[/color][/b] (4) vs. [b][color="#9932CC"]Mardi Gras[/color] [color="#FFFF00"]Homewrecking Crew[/color][/b] (5) [b][color="#4169E1"]Tim Cash/?[/color][/b] (Unranked) vs. [b]Los Conquistadors [/b] (6) [b][color="#FF0000"]D*LUX[/color][/b] (2) vs. [b][color="#2E8B57"]Last Kings of Scotland[/color][/b] (7) [color="#FF0000"][b]LOS INFERNALES[/b][/color] [b][color="#FF0000"]Team[/color] [color="#0000FF"]Heyross[/color][/b] (1) vs. [b][color="#DDA0DD"]Panic at the Disco[/color] [/b](8) [b]James Blonde & Faqu[/b] (4) vs. [color="#FF0000"][b]Jumbo & Deuce Deuce Bigelow [/b][/color] (5) [b][color="#808000"]Mr. Dick & Malaysia[/color] (3) vs. [color="#FF00FF"]Los Diablos de Fuego[/color][/b] (6) [color="#48D1CC"][b]Beverly Hills Blonds[/b][/color] (2) vs. [color="#808080"]The Heavenly Rockers[/color] (7) BRANNIGAN Look at all the incredible storylines…and it’s only the opening round! You’ve got the Heavenly Rockers and Beverly Hills Blonds rekindling their longtime rivalry; questions whether the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew can get it together; the miraculous return of D*LUX, although I question whether “Showtime” Shayne Brave is rushing back from his arm injury; Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright regaining the top seed in the MWC Conference after last year’s conference champions, the Sooner Bruisers, refused to participate for reasons unknown; and just who is this mystery partner wrestling’s last real good guy Tim Cash says he‘s got? Cash of course a former tag wrestler, last competing with Detective Tango Bosley as Rescue 911 before the AMOG sold out to Theodore Moneymaker. Following the vicious assault Cash received at the hands of Spencer Reiger earlier this evening, he can use a friend. We’ll have to wait and see. [color="#0000FF"][b]NEW YEAR’S SPECTACULAR[/b][/color] [b][color="#FF0000"]Team[/color] [color="#0000FF"]Heyross[/color][/b] (1) vs. [b][color="#DDA0DD"]Panic at the Disco[/color] [/b](8) [color="#48D1CC"][b]Beverly Hills Blonds[/b][/color] (2) vs. [color="#808080"]The Heavenly Rockers[/color] (7) BRANNIGAN Again to reiterate, you can witness all the action of the 5th annual Anderson Cup live on TSM beginning next week at the New Year’s Spectacular. Folks, it’s been dubbed the most unpredictable Anderson Cup in history for a reason. Don’t miss out on the wild journey that begins in the Motor City on New Year’s night and ends in Beantown as one team hopes to make that leap to AngleMania and capture the One & Only World tag team championship. Right now let’s head back to the ring for more great action! ABDULLAH NERDLY, in full religious regalia, graces us with his presence as "Hate Me Now" by Nas featuring Diddy plays in the background. COACH What a great surprise this is, Mikey Cole. COLE Maybe for you, but what’s Abdullah Nerdly doing here? The Inspirational Leader grabs a microphone and speaks to his people. ABDULLAH My children, in this most wonderful time of the year tragedy I meet you with the sad news tragedy has befallen our dear brother Theodore Moneymaker. Why anyone would seek to harm a man of the people is beyond comprehension, but I still ask that you pray for these forces of evil and that Allah have mercy on their souls because Theodore Moneymaker will soon OWN their asses! Tonight, however, I shall take up the fight of our messiah and defeat Baron Windels. So giddy on up out here so I can break your back and humble you! COLE :o COACH (laughs) It sounds like something you might enjoy, Cole. COLE Let’s see if Abdullah Nerdly will enjoy his time in the ring with Baron Windels. The Lone Star Gunslinger on his way. “Thriller” by Fall Out Boy hits and the crowd goes wild for the proud Texan. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Already in the ring, from Las Vegas, Nevada by way Edmonton, Alberta, by way of Damascus, Syria… ABDULLAH ABIR NERDLY! His opponent, from San Antonio, Texas, 265 pounds… “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BBAAAAARRRRROOOOOOOOOONN WINDELS!!! As he slaps the hands of OAOAST Marks, THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS charge BW from behind. Luckily his buckaroos warn him of the danger and the Lone Star Gunslinger fires off a couple of rounds! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE 2 on 1 and Baron Windels is still on his feet! What a man he is! Both Heavenly Rockers down BW sets his sights on their promoter, but Abdullah Nerdly wipes him out with a SUICIDE DIVE! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Speaker for the Prophets gives praises to the Almighty and returns inside where he opens up a dialogue with referee Earl Hebner. Meanwhile, the Heavenly Rockers do a number of Baron Windels outside, dropping him throat-first on the guardrail. Wily veterans, Synth and Logan walk away from the scene of the crime before Earl looks over, and then deliver another beat down as he and Abdullah renew talks. COLE I can understand if Earl Hebner was Clem Buzzlefoxer, but he’s not a senile old man. There’s no excuse for him to be missing all this blatant outside interference. COACH What’s the matter? Is it that time of the month for you? Quit whining, Cole. Wrestling is a man’s world. Either kick ass or get your ass kicked. And right now Baron Windels is getting his kicked. BW is rolled back in and placed in a CAMEL CLUTCH! COACH Praise be! Abdullah really is going to break Baron’s back and humble him! Teeth gritted, Baron signals he isn’t about to give up and rises to his knees, but Abdullah takes to the air and squats down on the back of the Lone Star Gunslinger and reapplies the Camel Clutch. “BARON!” “BARON!” “BARON!” His face beet red BW mounts a comeback, fists pumping and feet kicking. ABDULLAH :huh: Looking to suppress the uprising, Abdullah again takes to the air, but BW rolls over and CROTCHES THE COLONEL ON HIS KNEES!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" ABDULLAH :o BW returns to his feet and has Abdullah BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS~!!! COLE That’s gotta leave a salty taste in the Colonel’s mouth. COACH You’re just jealous that wasn’t you. As you’d expect the Heavenly Rockers come to the aid of Abdullah, but THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS yank them down from the apron and a slugfest ensues outside! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE The Beverly Hills Blonds not waiting until the New Year’s Spectacular to get their hands on the Heavenly Rockers. They want them now! The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match… BBAAAAARRRRROOOOOOOOOONN WINDELS!!! The celebration is short-lived, however, as Abdullah reaches into his shorts and throws DUST into the eyes of Baron Windels. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” COLE My God, what was that? COACH Jihadust! Abdullah helps THR take down the BHB and the trio proceed to lay a whipping on them and BW, until SANTA CLAUS storms the ring! COACH Not this idiot again. COLE Santa’s here…and he’s pissed! Using his SACK BAG as a weapon, Santa swipes Abdullah’s legs out from under, bashes Synth upside the head and nails Logan in the gut before shoving him outside with his foot. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Santa then hands each of the fan favorites in the ring a present from his goodie bag. For the BHB it’s a Theodore Moneymaker action served on a silver platter and Baron Windels a toy replica of the World tag team championship, the other half of which belongs to Tim Cash a/k/a Santa. COLE Does this mean what I think? Has Tim Cash asked Baron Windels to be his partner for the Anderson Cup? COACH Good thing Cash has previous medical experience because he’ll be needing all the treatment in the world trying to carry Baron Windels. COLE I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.

I figure it'll be easier if I include all my segments in one thread this week. Baron Windels promo At our backstage interview position, OAOAST Broadcast Correspondent/COD man-bitch Terry Taylor is alongside BARON WINDELS. TAYLOR I’m here with “The Lone Star Gunslinger” Baron Windels, and BW, people are still talking about what you did one week ago publicly rejecting membership into the Enterprise. A move that did you no favors with them. I mean, those guys have memories like elephants -- they never forget! BARON It did me no favors with the Enterprise alright, but in kept me in favor with the people who matter the most -- my buckaroos. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" BARON If that puts me on their most wanted list so be it, I’ll gun them all down one by one if I have to because I’d rather step on a few toes than sell my soul to the devil. The Enterprise likes to say “Money talks, bullshit walks.” Well I listened to their money talk and I walked away from their bullshit! There are some things money CAN’T buy and one of them is a MAN’S PRIDE. Just as BW finishes his line he’s ambushed by THEODORE MONEYMAKER. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Where did he come from?! COACH I don’t know, but I bet Baron Windels regrets not accepting the Enterprise’s offer now. Moneymaker lays a verbal smack down on Windels as he puts the boots to him, repeatedly kicking the Lone Star Gunslinger in the gut before slamming him against a nearby storage case, leaving BW clutching his ribs in a fetal position. THEODORE (spits on BW) Merry Christmas! TAYLOR :o COACH :lol: COLE Damn him! That’s uncalled for! COACH What goes around comes around, Mikey Cole. Baron Windels embarrassed the Enterprise last week and gets embarrassed by them this week. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. COLE :rolleyes: Theodore Moneymaker later responds. COLE Earlier tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we saw Baron Windels get attacked by Theodore Moneymaker during an interview Terry Taylor was conducting with the Lone Star Gunslinger. Well I’ve just been informed OAOAST President Josie Baker has signed for later tonight a match between Moneymaker and Windels. Right now let’s go to our colleague Tony Brannigan who I understand has caught up with Theodore Moneymaker. We cut backstage where Tony Brannigan chases down Theodore Moneymaker. The Billion Dollar Heir flanked by CPA on his way towards a STRETCH LIMOUSINE parked outside. BRANNIGAN Actually, I haven’t caught up to Theodore Moneymaker, guys. I don’t know if he’s trying to make a run for it or what, but it’s either that or he hasn’t heard the news about his participation here tonight. THEODORE MONEYMAKER! MONEYMAKER :huh: Brannigan catches up with his cousin. BRANNIGAN Teddy, where do you think you’re going? MONEYMAKER To get my ring gear. Haven’t you heard what that ingrate Josie Baker has done? BRANNIGAN Wait just a minute! That’s the OAOAST President you‘re talking about! MONEYMAKER If not for me she’d still be turning tricks wherever she came from! BRANNIGAN :o MONEYMAKER Josie Baker’s got NO right interfering in my business. My right pinkie finger carries more weight than her office and she better remember that. BRANNIGAN Is that some kind of threat? MONEYMAKER No, just a friendly reminder. Just like my little face to the back of Baron Windels’ head earlier was a friendly reminder about what happens to people who screw with the Enterprise. Look no further than this damn company’s namesake to see the cost of war with me. You don’t see him anywhere around, do you? Do you?! BRANNIGAN No. MONEYMAKER A cold hard fact guys like Zack Malibu and Baron Windels ought to remember because their next appearance could be their last. BWAHAHA! LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGO enter the frame, hurling a pair of PINK SLIPPERS at Moneymaker. MARIACHI ¡Usted perro mugriento! With presidential reflexes Moneymaker evades the slippers, which CPA catches mid-air and TEARS IN HALF! MORACCA Ay, yi-yi! Los Diablos scamper away like a pair of scared chihuahuas. MONEYMAKER :lol: As Moneymaker approaches his limo… [b][size="3"][color="#FF0000"]* BOOM~! *[/color][/size][/b] …IT SUDDENLY BLOWS UP!!! COLE/COACH :o Detective Tango Bosley REPELS from out of nowhere to check on Moneymaker and CPA. The Billion Dollar Heir shaken up, as V.I.C.E. assist him out of harm’s way. OAOAST officials late to the scene. [b]* COMMERCIAL *[/b]

[i][size=4][color="#FF0000"][b]HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT![/b][/color][/size][/i] The familiar music of the Heavenly Rockers hits and they’re led out by Colonel Abdullah and Holly. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Already in the ring, the team of MIKE STRAW and DAVID DELL! Your typical generic jobbers, both men gesture to the crowd. BUFFER And ladies and gentlemen, their opponents, accompanied by “THE ANGEL OF DEATH“ HOLLY MANN. COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents the only rock n' wrestling band that matters... SYNTH ABDUL-JABBAR and LOGAN “MACHO MACHO” MANN… THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY ROCKERS! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Once the pomp and circumstances are over, the Heavenly Rockers get set for action. Logan Mann to start for THR, David Dell for his team. * DINGDINGDING * Apparently in the holiday spirit, Logan offers David Dell a handshake. Dell accepts and gets smacked by a WICKED LEFT HOOK~! COACH Dude, you’re getting your bell rung! COLE :rolleyes: Logan scoops the semi-conscious Dell off the mat and executes a swinging neck breaker! This is followed by a tag to Synth who delivers a SKY HOOK ELBOWDROP~!!! COLE Oh, my, and just like that it’s gonna be all over! COACH OAOAST superstars don’t get paid by the hour, Cole. As the cover is made, Logan dumps Mike Straw inside and gives him a PERCUSSION DDT! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners… THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY ROCKERS! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Synth and Logan real impressive in their tune-up match for 2009 Anderson Cup. Speaking of which, let’s go to our colleague Tony Brannigan with this week’s Anderson Cup Shill. [color="#FF8C00"][b]FROM THE GOSSIP HEARD ON THE [color="#FF0000"]OAOAST HOT NEWZLINE[/color], THIS IS AN [color="#0000FF"]ANDERSON CUP [/color]SHILL![/b][/color] In front of a purple backdrop with the AC trophy superimposed to his left, we find Tony Brannigan. BRANNIGAN Here we go with another Anderson Cup shill, brought to you this week by the… [b][size="3"][color="#FF0000"]OAOAST HOT NEWZLINE~![/color][/size] [color="#FF8C00"]Gossip so [i][color="#FF0000"]hot[/color][/i] you have to wear ear muffs when calling![/color][/b] BRANNIGAN Two weeks from tonight at the New Year’s Spectacular, the 5th annual Anderson Cup kicks off with two yet to be announced bouts pending the finalization of tournament brackets which we‘ll have for you next week. Some of the teams already entered include: [b][color="#808000"]Mr. Dick & Malaysia[/color] [color="#DDA0DD"]The Beverly Hills Blonds[/color] [color="#2E8B57"]Theodore Moneymaker & Christian Wright[/color] [color="#FF00FF"]Los Diablos de Fuego[/color][/b] BRANNIGAN Joining them will be Drs. Max Anderson and Steven Pigley, [color="#FF0000"][b]The Love Doctors[/b][/color], and the 2008 Anderson Cup champions Charlie Moss and Quentin Benjamin, [b][color="#FF0000"]Team[/color] [color="#0000FF"]Heyross[/color][/b]. Right now let’s-- Wait a minute. I’m being told Ms. DeCenzo has made her way to the ring. Michael, Coach, perhaps you guys can clue the rest of us in. We cut back to the arena where Ms. DeCenzo are mid-ring, microphone in hand. COLE I wish we could Tony -- and thank you for that Anderson Cup shill -- but we’re as puzzled by this as you are. COACH Speak for yourself. I know exactly what’s going on and so will you in just a few moments. You‘re not gonna believe it. DECENZO Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of the Enterprise it’s my pleasure to introduce to you our latest acquisition… Mr. Baron Windels! Jaws drop as Baron heads to the ring carrying a garment bag. COLE No, it can’t be! COACH (laughs) What did I tell you, Cole? You can’t believe it. “YOU SOLD OUT!” “YOU SOLD OUT!” “YOU SOLD OUT!” DECENZO Just when you thought the Enterprise was in need of a government bailout, we did what no other company is seemingly capable of -- we retooled our organization to make it leaner, meaner and a whole lot more efficient. It took some, ahem…[i]persuasion[/i]...but even the most thick-headed Texan would understand if you can’t beat ‘em…join ‘em! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Baron is met by Mackie on the way in, but she’s brushed aside and BW throws down the garment bag at her feet. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" DECENZO :o For BW actions speak louder than words, and it appears a whole lot of action will be coming his way as the Lone Star Gunslinger is quickly surrounded by V.I.C.E. COACH Isn’t pride a weird thing, Cole? Baron Windels gets offered a once in a lifetime opportunity and he turns down the Enterprise. Now V.I.C.E. is gonna turn Baron upside down and use him as a human jackhammer. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Not if THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS have anything to say about it. They hit the ring and a pier-six brawl erupts, prompting a herd of OAOAST officials to breakup the fight. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Fans, we need to restore order. Stay with us, HeldDOWN~! returns after this!

Excellent show from top to bottom this week, one with all kinds of new developments. I had forgotten MD was going to take out PR, or be involved in the ME for that matter, but EWC and whoever did the ME (KC and/or Patty) did a helluva job. So did Dr. Zoidberg with his work and Zack with the Malibu/Moneymaker confrontation. And at Maggie hurrying Tyler because she had to go pee and how Malaysia just casually announced she and Krista will have a Dildo on a Pole match at NYS. MOTN: MD/Malaysia vs. Leon & Jade Rodez Quote of the Show: “Tha Puerto Rican does know your name, Mr. Dick, and he also can't help but notice the 'DA' on your T-shirt. Now normally, I would say that the 'DA' must stand for 'Dumb Ass' in which case, I would applaud you for being honest about yourself.” -- Tha Puerto Rican

[color="#800080"][b]FROM THE GOSSIP HEARD ON THE [color="#FF0000"]OAOAST HOT NEWZLINE[/color], THIS IS AN [color="#0000FF"]ANDERSON CUP [/color]SHILL![/color][/b] Inside the Shill Center we go where OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan is position. BRANNIGAN This Anderson Cup shill is brought to you by OAOASTShop-dot-com, where until December 22 everything is 20% off, with selected items half price! Rush delivery is available so don’t leave the OAOAST Mark or Marks in your family disappointed this Christmas. Order right now! Among the items marked at 20% off for the holidays, this brand spanking new Heavenly Rockers t-shirt. Wear it with pride or use it to wash your car if you‘d prefer. [img=http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii59/KingCucaracha/shirts/thrshirt.jpg] BRANNIGAN Before we go any further, did you figure out the answer to last week’s trivia question? [color="#FF8C00"][b]Which team won the inaugural Anderson Cup?[/b][/color] I know because I was apart of the match! Yours truly and Dan Black, Black T, against our greatest rivals, Johnny Jax and Scotty Static, the [color="#00FF00"][b]Global Party Xchange[/b][/color]. [b][color="#9932CC"]Zero Hour [/color] February 27, 2005 [color="#FFA500"]Courtesy: OAOAST Home Entertainment[/color][/b] [quote][Referee Nick] Patrick immediately tries to get Jackson out of the ring, as Jivin' Kif (Jivin’ JR dressed as the Futurama character) slides a steel chair into the ring for Tony. Brannigan grabs it, and prepares to WAFFLE Scotty Static, as the young athlete gets shakily to his feet. But as Tony raises to strike, Static somehow, desperately, sums up the energy to dropkick it back into Brannigan's face! Seeing this, Johnny Jackson keeps our referees attention well away from the action. Tony starts to get back up, and Static grabs the chair, sneaking up behind him - and slamming the edge of the chair between his legs! Scotty with a cradle on Tony! Jackson shoves Patrick back around! ONE! TWO! Dan dives for the save! THREEEEEE! *DING DING DING* Tony kicks out! But this time it was after the three! Nick Patrick awards the pinfall! Johnny grabs Scotty and drags him out of the ring, where the two claim the Anderson Cup, raising it high above their heads![/quote] BRANNIGAN But there’s no guarantee winning the Anderson Cup equals tag title gold, as the previous four Cup champions have gone 2-2 in their AngleMania title bouts. It’s perhaps that bad taste in their mouths that Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright have decided to enter the 16 team tournament set for January 2009 yet again. They’ll look to become the first ever two-time Anderson Cup champions. After what the Billion Dollar Heir did to his former associates earlier tonight, you can bet the Beverly Hills Blonds hope to run into him and CW somewhere during the Cup. Joining them will be the flamboyant duo Wright and Moneymaker defeated in the 2007 Finals, Los Diablos de Fuego. Let’s hear from them right now. In the holiday spirit, Moracca sports a red and green poncho and a Santa hat with glittery red devil horns over his pink sombrero. Meanwhile, Mariachi stares seductively into the camera while sucking on the middle prong of his pitch fork. MORACCA Feliz Navidad, mi amigos! Christmas, Christmastime is here. Time for love and time for cheer! And we know all you great OAOAST Marks will be cheering us on in the Anderson Cup. 2009 is the year of hope and change. We hope to go all the way in the tournament and have the tag team titles change hands at AngleMania VIII. 2008 wasn’t our greatest year, but Los Diablos New Year’s resolution is to set 2009 en fuego! MARIACHI ¡Ole! We go back to Brannigan at the Shill Center. BRANNIGAN To recap, here again are the teams officially entered in the 2009 Anderson Cup. [b][color="#808000"]Mr. Dick & Malaysia[/color] [color="#DDA0DD"]The Beverly Hills Blonds[/color] [color="#2E8B57"]Theodore Moneymaker & Christian Wright[/color] [color="#FF00FF"]Los Diablos de Fuego[/color][/b] BRANNIGAN As I said last week, this is shaping up to be the most unpredictable Anderson Cup in history. I remind you to stay tuned to the OAOAST television networks and our website for late breaking Hot Newz on the 2009 Anderson Cup which begins New Year’s night on our big annual [color="#0000FF"][b]New Year’s Spectacular[/b][/color]. Until next time, I’m Tony Brannigan.

Looks like I'm the only one to use various locations for the promos, so just delete them if need be. Inside the recording studio we find the Heavenly Rockers, Holly-Wood and Colonel Abdullah Nerdly. SYNTH Leon Rodez the World Champion? Ah guess if he can do it ANYONE can! LOGAN Half a turd better than our previous champion or not, you’re still a turd Leon Rodez. One the Heavenly Rockers would love to flush if you ever stepped into the ring with one of us. You wanna be a fighting champion, huh? We’ll come fight us, because if the left one doesn’t getcha… SYNTH The right one will. ABDULLAH ALLAHuiah! Praise be! Next we go out to the ranch of Baron Windels. The Lone Star Gunslinger playing a game of horseshoes. BARON They say close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. I reckon the same would apply if Leon Rodez and Baron Windels ever hooked ’em up for the World title. You’ve got my respect Leon, but you got something I want…the OAOAST Championship. We cut to Mr. Dick coming out of the shower with his official black and yellow towel around his waist. MR. DICK Baron Windels? Please. There’s only one man you ought to worry about coming after you, Leon Rodez, and that‘s Mr. Dick. Face it: you’re not man enough to handle The Dick. You don’t size up to me in or out of the ring, boy, and I‘ll prove it when I take your title. Up in his luxurious penthouse, Theodore Moneymaker is seated on a leather recliner smoking his pipe. THEODORE Not even Hemmingway could’ve written the story about the rise of Leon Rodez. From the gutter of the porn industry to In Crowd lackey, our new World Champion is a disgrace to the belt he holds. So I intend to bring some prestige back to the title by hook or by crook. You’re one storybook that WON’T have a happy ending, Rodez, and you can put that in the bank! BWAHAHA!

“Thriller” by Fall Out Boy hits and the OAOAST Marks roar at the top of their lungs for one of their favorite superstars. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from San Antonio, Texas, weighing 265 pounds… “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BBAAAAARRRRROOOOOOOOOONN WINDELS!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BW pumps his fist, then removes his jacket and Stewie Griffin t-shirt. BUFFER His opponent, from Kansas City, Missouri , 265 pounds… JOHN “SHOW-ME” STEVENSON! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Unlike BW the 265 pounds on Stevenson is mostly fat. And his does the television audience no favors parading around shirtless and sporting lime green trunks. COLE We’re set to go with more action live on HeldDOWN~! Baron Windels vs. John “Show-Me” Stevenson. COACH And Stevenson is showing me a lot alright. He’s got the body of Jabba the Hut and the face of Peter Griffin, minus the glasses of course. * DINGDINGDING * Windels and Stevenson lockup as the bell sounds, and the Lone Star Gunslingers slams his pudgy competitor with considerable ease, to which Stevenson responds with a hard shove. His opponent crotched mid-ring BW springs “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Baron laughs it off, and then lands a stinging right hand! Fired into the ropes Stevenson is leveled by a dropkick. He staggers to his feet and into an inverted atomic drop, followed by a face to face meeting with BW’s rump. COLE Bite My Shiny Metal Ass! COACH Is that your best pickup line? Because it’ll probably only nab you Los Diablos de Fuego! COLE :rolleyes: BW heads up top and IT’S CLOBBERIN’ TIME! The Gunslinger almost decapitating Stevenson with a top rope lariat. Windels serves a BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL and makes the pin. ONE! TWO! THREE! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here is your winner… “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BARON WINDELS!!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” No, the crowd isn’t hatred for BW but rather MACKENZIE DECENZO who arrives in the ring. She pulls a roll of hundreds out from her bra and stuffs it down Baron’s trunks, then squeezes his BUTT as she gives him a peck on the lips. BARON :huh: Mackie exits with a smile, BW a look of bewilderment. COLE What the heck just happened? COACH All I know is Baron Windels is the luckiest man alive right now.

“Protect Your Mind” by DJ Sakin & Friends hits and the Last Kings of Scotland march ringside. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. introducing first, Europe’s finest athletes… DANNY BOY and “THE BRAVEHEART” SCOTTISH SCOTT… THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Fans in the front row get an unexpected scare as The Braveheart swings his spiked club their direction. COLE Watch out, folks! COACH If anybody needs to watch out, it’s the Beverly Hills Blonds. They’re living on borrowed time. Don’t think for one second Teddy Moneymaker will let what happened to him go unpunished. “Superstar” by Lupe Fiasco plays as the Beverly Hills Blonds, Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard, walk the red carpet amid flashes of bright lights while loyal assistant and aspiring director Molly Nerdly films them on the Siclopse. BUFFER And their opponents, led to the ring by MOLLY NERDLY... “BOX-OFFICE” SIMON SINGLETON and “THE HANDSOME HUSTLER” NED BLANCHARD... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" In the unaccustomed role of fan favorites, the BHB leave Molly to do the baby face thing, which is cutaways to the crowd in between filming Simon and Ned’s entrance. COLE This crowd is going crazy! COACH And you’d have to be crazy to support a couple of ingrates like the Beverly Hills Blonds. They had it all under the Enterprise, Cole -- tailored suits, chauffeured cars, fine hotels and big cigars. Now what do they have, crowd support? Like that’s going to do them any good in the ring. The Last Kings of Scotland launch a surprise attack on the Blonds as they‘re removing their vests, but as former rule breakers they know every dirty trick in the book and escape harm’s way. * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds but the action is already underway. The BHB getting the better end of an exchange with the Last Kings, firing them off for a pair of BAAAAAAAAACK body drops! COLE Outside the Last Kings of Scotland go, to formulate a new plan of attack no doubt because the first one failed. COACH Hey, you know what they say -- if at first you don’t succeed...try, try again. And indeed the Last Kings do, as Scottish Scott and Simon Singleton lockup. Side headlock applied by The Braveheart who is shot into the ropes, decking B.O.S.S. with a shoulder block on the rebound. The Video Voyeur rolls onto his stomach as Scott charges off the near side, then leapfrogs and executes a hip toss. Taken over in a headlock Scottish Scott scissors Simon’s head and bridges up when B.O.S.S. floats on top, viciously smashing his knee into the face of Simon Singleton before delivering a double underhook suplex! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! The LKOS tag and Danny Boy drops an elbow, but nobody’s home! Simon wrings the arm and tags Ned, who kicks the Irishman in the gut. Rammed into the buckle DB is stomped repeatedly in the corner, and then fired across for a back elbow. POINTY~! elbow off the near side and Blanchard makes the cover. ONE! TWO! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Ned moves and Scottish Scott knee drops his own partner! SCOTTISH SCOTT :o The BHB premiere a brand new double-team maneuver as Ned lifts Scott up for a back suplex and falls back after Simon hits a spinning heel kick! COACH I’ll say this about the Blonds: they haven’t become angels all of a sudden. They’re still cheating bastards. Simon dumps Scott outside and waits for the tag. Ol’ Danny Boy takes a SLINGSHOT SUPLEX for good measure, which is followed by THE ATOMIC BLONDE~!!! COLE They’ve gone and dropped the bomb. You can put this one in the books. The Blonds successful in their first HeldDOWN~! appearance since quitting the Enterprise 3 weeks ago. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match… “BOX-OFFICE” SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Hands raised in victory Simon and Ned’s celebration is cut short when they notice a familiar face ringside. [color="#2E8B57"][b]THEODORE MONEYMAKER.[/b][/color] "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What business does he have out here? COACH Unfinished I’d say. Suddenly DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY and CPA blindside the BHB. Theodore Moneymaker’s hired guns do a number on their former associates. CPA with his bare hands, Bosley with his telescopic nightstick. Then to everyone’s surprise, Molly jumps on the back of CPA. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE You go, girl! Rip his eyes out! It’s not long before Molly finds herself on her back. Detective Bosley ready to strike until Moneymaker orders him to halt. He summons the Alpha Male of the Group and whispers something that makes him a very happy boy. Molly pleads for mercy as CPA drags her over to Theodore by the hair. Face to face with her former employer Molly is forced to bow in servitude and kiss the ring of Theodore Moneymaker, as are the unconscious Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard. COLE This is disgusting! COACH You’re wrong, Cole. This is a message being sent to the Blonds and everyone else. You don’t mess with Theodore Moneymaker. Moneymaker produces a pair of documents and stuffs them down the throat of the BHB. Adding insult to injury Detective Bosley impounds the Siclopse. MOLLY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! THEODORE :lol: COLE Damn them! Damn them all to hell! There’s no reason for this, damnit! COACH No reason?! I’ll give you plenty of reason. Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard committed treason when they renounced their Enterprise membership and joined the Dream Team at November Reign. Theodore Moneymaker was ought justice and Detective Bosley and CPA served it up.

BHB vs. Last Kings of Scotland, and probably a Baron Windels squash as well.

Loaded show, especially one post-PPV. First time I’ve had the opportunity to hear the new HD theme song and I must say, I like it. First and foremost, congrats to the new champ KC, something I forgot to do in my NR feedback. Although I had nothing to do with him getting the title, it pleases me because I still feel horrible Eski never got a run with the belt and in some weird way KC’s reign eases my e-fed pain. Anyway, good promo from Leon to start the show which combined humor and humility. Fun little Duncan girls segment, as was the stuff with Jade and Bo (how can you not love Jade?). And I can’t forget Tony T’s search for Vinny either. at Landon being pissed about his boys not having his back at NR. Squash victories for SR, Deuce and Tim Cash (the GAC is interesting). Megan vs. Melody: The women continue to shine in the OAOAST. The gauntlet match at NYS should be fun. The bit with Faqu and JB on the phone with his mom was hilarious. Then it got serious in a hurry with QB found laid out. Los Conquistadors vs. Krista/Tyler: Krista was on fire here. Great shit. MOTN: Because I couldn’t pick one over the other. Megan vs. Melody and Conquistadors vs. Krista/Tyler Quote of the Show: We’ve got co-winners this week. “...lemme in you faggot whore or I'll stick my cock in your nose an…” -- Tony Tourettes “All those people who said you didn't stand a chance against that kinky sex machine and that you'd get whipped so bad people'd be like "damn, when'd they bring back slavery but spare the blacks and round up all the cute blonde cheerleaders this time, does this mean all my favourite porn sites are gonna be gone or just be more extreme now", all those people were dead wrong!” -- Alix Maria Spezia Honorable mention: “This chick takes two steps forward and five hundred steps back. How you gonna straight up embarrass yourself eating? How the hell can you mess up eating? Its like catching on fire pissing. Your mama juggles a chain of gyms, a modeling career, a clothing line, a cosmetic line, a fitness DVD line, writing books, her own QVC show, and whole bunch of other celeberity crap and you gonna nearly die from the most basic of human functions? You gonna die from eating? Bitch you are retarded! You ain't even Forest Gump retarded! You that nigga in the back of the bus, fingering his booty hole and then sniffing it for two minutes retarded!” -- Da Coach

Ever since we adopted the old school Survivor Series format years ago, NR has become one of my favorite events. Obviously the Angle themed shows are our biggest of the year, but this one’s right up there too IMO. TAMG vs. Disco Demolition: When the heels went out quickly I thought it’d be a clean sweep for DD, but KP was mighty impressive choosing to go down fighting. Marked out for the fall away slam spot on Jumbo. I can envision how bad ass that would look live. Cool DA shirt. One a wrestling fan wouldn’t be afraid to wear in public. Special attraction added to the card. And a big one at that. JRD vs. Malaysia: Kick ass match. KC’s done a helluva job with the women’s division. MOTN contender. at the OAOAST Iphone ad. DA vs. Brock’s Flock: BF may very well be our Rude’s Brood in terms of greatest team name ever. Anyway, Cortez was one mystery partner who lived up to the hype. Strong showing by him before SM9K brought it home for the DA. Excellent job to person who did the OAOAST credit card. Very believable. CI vs. Team Baron: Intro hilarity aside, another fine SS style match-up. JB can celebrate all he wants because he did get the pin, even if Faqu did the damage. That PR DVD cover was pretty good. Loved the use of the old school SS theme for the poll results. The WWF had awesome themes for all their PPVs back in the day. CMJ vs. Ragdoll vs. JG: Wild contest with the crowing of a new IC Champ. RD’s antics during the match were great. Isn’t Danny Granger the guy LeBron James got all hissy about the other night? Caught it on ESPN and I can’t believe James got pissed over it. I remember when Ginobili took a beating against in the Nuggets during the 2005 playoffs (including a punch from Melo that went uncalled) and he never once complained. Oh, and Barkley is totally right about LeBron. Dude needs to worry about now and 2010 in 2010. Dream Team vs. Cleveland Steamers: While everybody played it safe, Patty and I took it to the edge with the most daring name for a team in history. Zack and Patty put together a classic here. But Synth is really the sole survivor. He never got eliminated! Consider that out version of Coliseum Video editing out the Bulldogs elimination from the first ever SS tape. Damn, 300 episodes of HD? Remember now, HD used to be our secondary show behind the Intense Zone. Zack made it a juggernaut and IZ got canned. World title match: This was an epic. Tremendous job by KC and PR not just here but over the course of their feud. MOTN: PR vs. Leon Rodez

[color="#800080"][b]FROM THE GOSSIP HEARD ON THE [color="#FF0000"]OAOAST HOT NEWZLINE[/color], THIS IS AN [color="#0000FF"]ANDERSON CUP [/color]SHILL![/color][/b] Inside the Shill Center we go where OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan is position. BRANNIGAN Only a week removed from Thanksgiving and now we’re talking about Christmas. Christmas, ladies and gentlemen! We’re talking about Christmas! Here in the OAOAST we’re also talking about the 5th annual Anderson Cup. Can you believe it’s been 5 years already? It seems only like yesterday the first Anderson Cup was held. And do you remember which tag team won the inaugural Cup? The answer right here next week. [color="#808000"][b]Mr. Dick/Malaysia[/b] [/color] BRANNIGAN Earlier tonight we learned of the first entrants in this year’s Anderson Cup, representing the Deadly Alliance, Mr. Dick and Malaysia. After what they did to the Love Doctors in their match, even I’d have a hard time disagreeing with the idea they may indeed be the team to beat. Let’s not forget though, they’ve gone on record stating it’s not about the tag titles currently possessed by fellow DA members Thunderkid and Reject, it’s about the trophy. That Cocky Prick just wants to win the Anderson Cup to pad his stats! As Mr. Dick once said, there’s no “I” in team but there is in “Dick.” [color="#DDA0DD"][b]Beverly Hills Blonds[/b][/color] BRANNIGAN No longer under the thumb of Theodore Moneymaker, here’s one team who actually does want to win the Cup in order to secure a shot at the One & Only World tag team championship at AngleMania VIII, Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard, the Beverly Hills Blonds. They’re standing by with these pre-recorded comments. We cut to the BHB in front of their Hollywood Walk of Fame backdrop. SIMON If somebody had told us at the start of 2008 that when the next Anderson Cup rolled around the Beverly Hills Blonds would be fan favorites I would’ve thought they were nuts. But I guess 2008 was the year of change. We’ll swear in a new president January and in April we’ll crown new tag team champions. NED In case you haven’t figured it out already, we mean us. I’m sure Theodore Moneymaker will throw a few curveballs along the way and every time he does we’ll smack it out of the park. And if by chance you and your little BUTT buddy Christian Wright have the balls to enter the Anderson Cup and we wind up meeting somewhere, then you better make sure Abdullah hooks you up with 72 virgins in the afterlife because we plan on beating ya to death! We cut back to Brannigan in the Shill Center. BRANNIGAN Strong words for Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright from their former Enterprise associates. What a showdown that would be though. No matter the match-ups, this promises to be the most unpredictable Anderson Cup in history! [b]16 teams, 2 conferences, 1 winner.[/b] Further announcements will be made regarding the Cup in upcoming weeks so be sure to stay tuned to the OAOAST television networks and OAOAST.com for all the late breaking Hot Newz and more. With your Anderson Cup, I’m Tony Brannigan. Enjoy the rest of the program everybody!

COLE Coming up next, tag team action featuring The Love Doctors against the pair of individuals who did this to them a couple of weeks ago. [b][color="#FF8C00"]OAOAST FLASHBACK[/color] [color="#9932CC"]Held[/color][color="#FFFF00"]DOWN[/color]~! [color="#FF0000"]November 14, 2008[/color][/b] [quote]Inside the trainer’s room [Mr. Dick and Malaysia] find Drs. Max Anderson and Steven Pigley, The Love Doctors. MR. DICK Did you see the video? PIGLEY Yep. MR. DICK So I guess you know why I’m here. ANDERSON To say hello? MR. DICK No, you sarcastic bastard. I need you to subscribe something for my problem. ANDERSON Not with that kind of attitude. MR. DICK Wait a minute. Doctors aren’t supposed to let their personal beliefs get in the way of doing their job. PIGLEY We also don’t go around handing out prescriptions like candy either. I mean, what if a guy wanted somas when a little Tylenol PM would do? MR. DICK (sigh) Are you gonna help me get rid of these creepy crawlers or not? ANDERSON My God, man, you mean you haven’t gotten that taken care of yet? MR. DICK And pay out the urethra?! Do you know how much it costs to see a doctor?! ANDERSON Yeah, we’re doctors. PIGLEY And I also moonlight as a Chicago radio personality. Listen to the Love Line on local Chicago radio! MR. DICK (cupping ear) Hey, you guys hear that? The Doctors of Doctornomics lean in for a listen… * WHAP * …and get smacked across the face! MR. DICK That’s the sound of my patience wearing off. MD sends the license M.D. Pigley flying across the trainer’s table while Malaysia GORILLA PRESSES Anderson onto the table itself![/quote] Upon the video’s conclusion we cut backstage where Tony Brannigan is with Mr. Dick and Malaysia. BRANNIGAN In his first television interview since joining the Deadly Alliance one week ago, I have the opportunity to speak with this man, Mr. Dick. He’s of course accompanied by Malaysia. MR. DICK (chewing gum) Now officially the world’s most deadliest woman I might add. BRANNIGAN Be that as it may, before we get to your match tonight, let us go back to this past Sunday night at November Reign. You both had major bouts on the card, but neither one was successful. In fairness to you, however, Mr. Dick, it became 2 on 1 once team captain Theodore Moneymaker hung you out to dry. Though it doesn’t change the fact you guys blew a 4 on 2 advantage. MR. DICK At least you called a spade a spade, Brannigan. But you failed to mention how Malaysia got robbed of the Women’s title. She had Jade Rodez right where she wanted her until Auntie Alix came to her aid. BRANNIGAN Need I remind you that match was no disqualification? A stipulation Malaysia specifically demanded! MALAYSIA Let my little pony gallop awhile longer before I take her out back and put her down. It’s not the kill, it’s the thrill of the chase. The terror in your eyes, the fear in your voice… Ooh, it makes me feel so…alive. BRANNIGAN That’s one sick lady you got there. MR. DICK She’s fine. And so am I after the luxury liner I was on Sunday night sank. Had there been a co-captain onboard, like say me, once the captain fell asleep behind the wheel I could’ve steered the ship in the right direction. Instead our so-called captain abandons ship with an important piece of cargo onboard. BRANNIGAN Allow me to guess -- you. MR. DICK (nodding head) Fortunately my enormous package kept me afloat and I was able to navigate the rocky waters back to shore. That’s why Malaysia and I are excited to be part of the premier organization in this industry, the Deadly Alliance. When Alfredo and the boys say they’re gonna do something, they get it done. There’s no false promises or empty rhetoric when it comes to the DA, just like there ain’t with me. I told everybody bigger and better things lied ahead for Mr. Dick and after last week I’d say things...just...got...DEADLIER! BRANNIGAN You’ve got the catchphrase down, but can you keep The Love Doctors down in order to pick up the victory here tonight? MR. DICK What are they so angry about anyway? They’re lucky I didn’t go to the review board to get their licenses revoked after the way they treated me when I came seeking medical assistance. But they’ll be a pretty good test for us before the Anderson Cup. BRANNIGAN Wait a minute. You and Malaysia in the Anderson Cup? MR. DICK Isn’t right around the corner? BRANNIGAN January 2009, yes. MR. DICK Figured so. I’ve been in a few of those rodeos; never won it because a man can only carry someone else’s weight around for so long. The 2009 Anderson Cup is gonna be a whole new different story though. I got me a partner who can handle their fair share of the load this go around. BRANNIGAN Do you not remember who the current tag titleholders are? MR. DICK Reject and TK. And I see where you’re getting at. Well I got some Hot Newz~! for you, pal. I ran this idea past the DA and they love it. See, there ain’t nobody who can dethrone the champs, so we’re in it for the other gold prize at stake -- that humongous trophy awarded to the winner. Malaysia and I could have some real fun with that. BRANNIGAN :o MALAYSIA Hmm, just the thought of you jabbing that big hard wooden trophy deep inside drives me CRAZY. BRANNIGAN I’d be careful doing anything out of the ordinary with that object. Think about the splinters! MALAYSIA (eyes rolled in back of head) OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!!! MR. DICK I think she’s ready for action, wouldn’t you say? So Love Doctors, whatcha gonna do when Dickzilla and the world’s most deadliest women pop off all over you?! [i][color="#FF0000"]When I come crashing down and its throbbing deep inside I’ll leave you wetter than a flood tide I gotta bend you over that’s how I like to ride![/color] [color="#0000FF"]I date a girl who whips my hide And my 12 inches is my greatest pride I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls![/color][/i] The music segues to “Womanizer” as Mr. Dick and Malaysia march out through a golden shower of pyro. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Coming down the aisle, representing THE DEADLY ALLIANCE! First, from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, a former Women’s Champion, presenting the Ultimate Combination of Beauty and Beatdowns... MMMMAAALLLLLLAAAAAYYYYYSIA!! Her partner hails from San Antonio, Texas, and weights in at a hard 237 pounds… MISSSSSTERRRRRRRR DICK!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Real American Dick channels his inner Hulk Hogan, cupping not his ear but his BALL SACK in every which direction, before he tears away his chaps and parades around in short shorts with a heart strategically placed on his crotch. COACH Ever heard of ball in a cup, Cole? Well this is the new organic version of it, BALLS in a cup! COLE :rolleyes: I understand our broadcast colleague Tony Brannigan has paged The Love Doctors to the interview area. Let’s go to them right now. And we do, to find Dr. Max scribbling on his clipboard and Dr. Steven making sure his t-shirt plugging his Love Live program on local Chicago radio is front and center. BRANNIGAN Arguably their biggest match to date, tonight my guests look to avenge a beat down from two weeks ago. DR. STEVEN We have all the paperwork in order Tony, all that’s left to fill out is Mr. Dick and Malaysia’s time of death. DR. MAX Ever heard the phrase “the operation was a success but the patient died”? BRANNIGAN Indeed I have. DR. MAX/STEVEN This is one operation we hope the patients do die! [COLOR=red]*WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!*[/COLOR] [I]Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you No pill's gonna cure my ill I've got a bad case of lovin' you[/I] 20,000 screaming Osmonds, mostly on Marie’s side of the fence, welcome the Love Doctors onstage, and for their loyal and vocal support they are treated to a strip tease! BUFFER And their opponents! Hailing from Chicago, Illinois, the team of MAX ANDERSON and STEVEN PIGLEY... THE LOOOOOOOOOVE DOCTORS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Anderson and Pigley wave and blow kisses to their adoring fans. The Doctors of Doctornomics pumped for their match. COACH I bet there isn’t a day that goes by Anderson and Pigley don’t regret setting up their practice in Salt Lake City. They’d be the richest men in the world had they done so! COLE If you wanna go there, Coach, I suggest you call in to the Love Line hosted by Dr. Steven Pigley on local Chicago radio and ask. Some teams use rock, paper, scissors to determine who’ll start for their team, Mr. Dick and Malaysia, however, squeeze each other’s crotches until somebody releases. Never one to go off prematurely the Human Hard On emerges victorious. COLE That’s kind of like how we decide who speaks first, Coach. COACH In your dreams maybe. Malaysia concedes defeat with a congratulatory bite on the ear. Meanwhile, Anderson gets the nod for The Love Doctors. * DINGDINGDING * Threaten little by his opponent Mr. Dick grabs a side headlock and gives Dr. Max a NUGGIE~! COACH :lol: COLE How disrespectful. I’d love nothing more than to see that man go on a Gurney to the Center of the Earth. MD hears it from the crowd for his balls in a cup taunt, to which he challenges anybody to do something about it. Max Anderson does with an arm drag out of a tie-up and body slam. Dick charges back and into a side headlock takedown, then a NUGGIE! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" MR. DICK :angry: A dropkick wipes the look off MD’s face and leads to a tag. Face to face, Malaysia offers Dr. Max the first punch. Ever the gentlemen he declines, preferring to lockup instead. * FOREARM~! * “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Unlike the good doctor, Malaysia has no problem firing the first shot. Anderson shakes off the cobwebs and issues a warning, one that goes unheeded. * FOREARM~! * His patience wearing thin Dr. Max asks Malaysia to wrestle, not fight. Malaysia ignores his request and fires another forearm…but does a faceplant courtesy of a drop toehold! Anderson places her in a front facelock and tags fellow Love Doctor Steven Pigley. COACH Did you see that, Cole? Max Anderson totally copped a feel. He ought to have his licensed removed and be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. There’s no place for that kind of harassment. COLE This wouldn’t have anything to do with their blue M&M rib on you? COACH I don’t know what you’re talking about. COLE Riiight. Malaysia rakes the eyes to escape an arm-wringer, then across the back for kicks. YAKUZA KICK TO THE CHEST floors Pigley. The cover. ONE! TWO! NO! The Real American Dick cheers on his main squeeze as she decides to inflict more pain on her foe. Scooped for a slam Dr. Pigley manages to float over the top and roll Malaysia up in a SCHOOL BOY! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Dr. Max and Mr. Dick enter the fray and a pier-six erupts. Whipped into each other MD is spun around from the impact and drops on all fours…and Malaysia just so happens to fall right behind to put the pair in a hilarious compromising position. COLE :lol: COACH Oh, yeah. You laugh now but I promise you’ll be crying later. This match is far from over. MD and Malaysia roll outside to regroup. COLE Fans, the tape machines are rolling. Should the match end during the break we’ll show it to you when we return. But stay right where you are. HeldDOWN~! continues after these messages. [color="#000080"][b]Tonight following HeldDOWN~! on TSM[/b][/color] [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKhTr9bDU-k[/video] The action resumes with Mr. Dick paint brushing Dr. Steven in an arm bar. Pigley fights back and breaks free, but MD reverses a whip and lands a clothesline… NO, CRUCIFIX BOMB!!! COLE Back to live action and WHAT A COUNTER! ONE! TWO! THR-- KICKOUT! Dr. Pigley heads up top following a suplex for his patent SHOOTING STAR ELBOW. He plays to the crowd and lives to regret it as Malaysia SWIPES his legs out from under, CROTCHING the Love Doctor on the turnbuckle! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Mr. Dick unloads a FACIAL, formerly the discus punch, on Pigley that knocks him outside where Malaysia delivers a slam on the arena floor. Malaysia receives the tag once Dr. Steven is dumped back in and hits a butterfly suplex, then hooks the leg on the pin attempt. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Short-arm elbow smash levels Pigley, whose chest Malaysia tries to leave her imprint on with repeated stomps. The Ultimate Combination of Beauty and Beatdowns rams Dr. Steven into the buckle and, following a tag, joins Mr. Dick in a picturesque double back suplex! ONE! TWO! THR-- NO! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Luckily for Dr. Steven his colleague Max was there to make the save. COACH You put it well, Mikey Cole. The Love Doctors got lucky. If not for Dr. Max there’s no doubt in my mind that would’ve been it. * PATOOEY * A wad of spit is enough to bait Dr. Max inside, which allows MD and Malaysia to put the boots to Dr. Steven while the official deals with the other Love Doctor. COACH Go ahead and whine, Cole. Be like Mack Brown and the University of Texas. Like them, by now you should know how the game is played. It may not always be fair but at the end of the day the objective is simple: just win, baby. JUST BEING A DICK, Pigley is head butted in the groin! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Once again the legal participant, Malaysia sits Dr. Steven upright and grinds her knee into the back of his spine while yanking his hair with one hand and his nose with the other! COACH This move even pains me, baby boy. I’ve got such a great but controversial line. COLE Well say it that way I wouldn’t have to deal with you anymore! * CLAP * CLAP * CLAP * CLAP * Fueled by the crowd Pigley hits a jawbreaker to break from Malaysia’s grip, setting the stage for a most thrilling finish. Their respective partners in position for the tag, it becomes a race to see who can reach their corner first. Mr. Dick turns this into a game of inches, shoving his pelvis through the ropes to make the tag all the more easier for Malaysia. And it pays dividends as she tags his member, but the Love Doctors tag as well! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" MR. DICK :o SPINNING BACKFISTS put MD on his heels long enough for a whip and BAAAAAAAAACK BODYDROP! The Real American Dick begs off to buy Malaysia time to sneak up on Dr. Max, but he spots and drops her with a clothesline! COACH What a fraud Max Anderson is. He waits until Malaysia isn’t ready to throw a cheap shot. This after she offered him the first punch earlier in the match. COLE I don’t know what match you’re watching, but it sure as hell isn’t the same one I am. MD blindsides Dr. Max, then presses him in the air on the rebound…but Anderson slips out and with assistance from Dr. Steven they hit an inverted atomic drop/dropkick combo! COACH It’s the Lovematic Grampa! The Love Doctors aren’t done yet. With their opponent dazed they take him on a GURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH~!!! The cover. ONE! TWO! MALAYSIA YANKS EARL HEBNER AWAY AND SCURRIES OFF TO AVOID DETECTION! EARL :huh: Unbeknownst to Dr. Steven, Malaysia appears behind and delivers a LOW BLOW~! Dr. Max charges forward and into a big BOSSMAN SLAM!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Malaysia stomps on Mr. Dick’s pubes to revive him, and he finishes Dr. Max off with the COCK BLOCK! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match… MR. DICK and MALAYSIA! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE An impressive victory to say the least. This, ladies and gentlemen, the kind of action you’ll see when the Anderson Cup kicks off next month. COACH No other team should even bother entering the Anderson Cup. After their performance tonight I say Mr. Dick and Malaysia are the clear favorites.

Mr. Dick & Malaysia vs. The Love Doctors

Interesting new opening, a black screen with the words “We’re sorry, this video is no longer available”! Anyway, jammed pack show, especially for one on Thanksgiving. We normally take it easy on holidays but not this year. Even though the segment cuts off at the end, great stuff between Rodez, Maddix and PR. Some of the exchanges with Melissa were priceless. Awesome COD/Tyler segment. Tyler vs. SR: The pep talk from Krista did Tyler good. Young fella picked up the W. I don’t know how to feedback the CI backstage segment. It was played straight, a rarity in our world of comedy and overall whacky tacky fun. So uh, nicely written! Alf still coy about who the new DA member. It won’t be long till we find out. Elimination tag: No matter the teams Alf always makes the most out of his annual Thanksgiving Survivor Series match. This year was no exception. Easily MOTN. That Malaysia promo was something else. Bo vs. Cortez vs. Ned: Excellent match to conclude a helluva angle. Although I knew MD was the fifth man, Alf did a tremendous job creating doubt. After months of talk behind the scenes N00b finally debuts! Great shit with the Nerdly family. Does that make them the Partridge Family to the Duncan girls Brady Bunch? And Teddy’s a stud in No Homo. Check out his rating of 97. Rodez/PR vs. Black/Sandman: Wild match with an unbelievable finish. Fitting end to the show. MOTN: Thanksgiving Elimination tag Quote of the Show: “Like Martin Luther King, we think he’s all dope and stuff because he fought really hard in the 60’s to have his birthday recognized as a national holiday, and promoted the hell out of Mike Tyson fights, and he got shot.” -- Alix Maria Spezia

Edit: Where are my matters? Happy b-day to Dr. Zoidberg. Written in the last minute or not, Krista rambling = gold. Excellent hype video for Rodez-PR. IK vs. CAE/O’Hara: Kick ass match. CI rebounded strong. Loved the old school approach with BW cutting a promo smack in the middle of the match, not during the intros as usually done. KC always does an awesome job with the DVD mock ups. Lucky for us business never goes down or we’d have to cut intros from our video releases! DA vs. Team Heyross/Bo: Tremendous storytelling here. Brock goes down and is replaced by Bo who Alf gets to turn on his partners during the match. Makes you wonder if it’s all part of some sinister plan. Alf handle the BHB segment perfectly. Big thanks to him for that. Another heated exchange between Rodez and PR. Some great stuff the last couple weeks. at Jade’s present. I suppose a dead squirrel is better than Abdullah the Butcher popping out of a giant gift box. MOTN: 6-man tag title Quote of the Show: “YIPEE-KAY-YAY!!” -- Melody Nerdly

[quote][Krista Isadora Duncan] shows her incredible knowledge of sonning and chucks Abdullah through the wooden walls of his beach front HOW. The camera switches to the outside where we see the speaker of the prophets blasting through the wood like a torpedo before finally crashing and burning into the sand bellow. Perhaps worst of all a gigantic wave washes up on shore and carries Abdullah out to sea.[/quote] COACH Only Krista could start a hot new trend of invading houses of worship to make political statements. Bitch is crazy. COLE As damn well she ought to be whenever somebody makes hateful and totally unnecessary comments about her family like your boy did. He’s lucky Krista didn’t rip his balls off and feed them to him. [i]tomorrow, only tomorrow tomorrow, only tomorrow Sajo see you tomorrow Sajo jon te i fe, Ousmane ko ka bi fe ka bi fe koniete ka le te sigi Sajo jon te i fe malienw[/i] The glorious and soul searing tenor of [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZM4NIVIOUI"]Salif Keita's Tomorrow[/url] join with even more glorious images of Abdullah Abir Nerdly speaking the message of the prophets to the citizens of various countries, as well as being flocked to by children and fawned over by women. [color="#008080"][font="Impact"][size=7]HOUSE OF WORSHIP[/size][/font][/color] With your Inspirational Leader....[b][color="#008080"]Abdullah Abir Nerdly[/color][/b] Solo on the journey Abdullah walks a yellow brick pattern carpet to his custom-built set, beaming. COACH What, no bevy of beauties? Boo! COLE Maybe they shamed him somehow. Not to suggest he committed a serious act of aggression or anything of the sort. ( :lol: at Cole’s PC description of an honor killing) COACH It sure as hell sounded that way. You showed your true colors, Cole. Hell, you probably think Abby’s a terrorist too. COLE :rolleyes: Stained glass murals of himself and Theodore Moneymaker in the background, the Guiding Light of the OAOAST motions for the crowd to sit but they’d rather stand and boo. ABDULLAH ALLAHuiah, my children, for your humble Inspirational Leader has returned to the airwaves! Rejoice in the fact attempts to silence me have failed, just like the rebel fraction led by Zack Malibu will fail Sunday night, November 30 when they fall in defeat to the team captained by our Messiah and my guest this week. Accompanied by the Enterprise, praise be for THEODORE MONEYMAKER! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" [i]YEOW![/i] “Money Talks” by AC/DC plays the Enterprise to the stage, where Abdullah kneels before Moneymaker and kisses his diamond $ shaped ring, then greets every other member with a handshake and hug except for the Beverly Hills Blonds and Molly who he leaves hanging. MOLLY :angry: The BHB don’t share Molly’s disgust, shrugging off the diss since they don‘t particularly care for the man associated with their longtime nemesis anyhow. ABDULLAH Brother Moneymaker, it is both an honor and pleasure to have been granted your final one on one interview prior to November Reign, and on behalf of my legions of worshipers I wish you and your team the very best of luck. “BOO!” THEODORE Luck? My team won’t need any luck. Zack Malibu and his team on the other hand, they’ll need all the luck in the world! BWAHAHA! ABDULLAH Speaking of Brother Zachary, he’s apparently found himself another lamb to lead to the slaughter in our pal Krista Isadora Duncan. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" THEODORE Malibu could have Wonder Woman, Batman, Superman and Iron Man on his team and they still wouldn’t match-up to the group I’ve assembled, although I’m sure our partner would love to have a little one on one with the princess. ABDULLAH Why there’s only one red blooded real American I know that could satisfy a goddess such as Wonder Woman. Is he the man you speak of? THEODORE Why don’t we whip him out? BWAHAHA! [i][color="#FF0000"]I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! When I come crashing down and its throbbing deep inside I’ll leave you wetter than a flood tide I gotta bend you over that’s how I like to ride![/color] [color="#0000FF"]I date a girl who whips my hide And my 12 inches is my greatest pride I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls![/color][/i] “Womanizer” kicks in, and through a golden shower of pyro Mr. Dick and Malaysia emerge to a hostile reception, but a warm welcome from the E and Abdullah. ABDULLAH Behold the magnificent specimen before me and let us give praise to our Messiah for a most inspired selection! Brother Dick? MR. DICK And so Mr. Dick’s meteoric rise continues, just as he said it would. Unlike my dick which is always hard, my decision to accept Teddy’s offer wasn’t hard at all, especially once he threw in a mighty generous signing bonus to sweeten the pot. 72 hours and fewer virgins later, here I am next to my teammates. And in 10 days at November Reign there will be two less Duncan girls. First Malaysia will annihilate Jade Rodez in a California Street Fight to regain the Women‘s title, and then I’ll finish what I started last week on HeldDOWN~!…and that’s make Krista submit! History would’ve already been made had it not been for her bubble BUTT teenybopper daughter striking me with a steel chair. It won’t be that way this time around, Krista, because after Malaysia gets through making Jade her bitch she’ll be lucky to even walk, let alone swing a chair. THEODORE :lol: ABDULLAH Brother Moneymaker, you three along could beat whoever Zack and Krista fill out the rest of their team with, but two more spots remain open on your side. THEODORE Until now, my friend. I’ve saved the best for last, though certainly not least. SIMON/NED :) THEODORE In addition to being crossover sensations, they’re arguably the greatest tag team in OAOAST history, having held the tag team championship on 3 separate occasions. Their willingness to buck the party line to maintain the principles they set for themselves, though frustrating at times, has earned them by admiaration. After all, like me, they’re from a country founded on standing up for what you believe in. Mavericks in every sense of the word, they will join me, Christian Wright and Mr. Dick in action on Sunday night, November 30. Ladies and gentlemen, the only rock n’ wrestling band that matters… THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS! BWAHAHAHA~! ABDULLAH :D SIMON/NED/MOLLY :o [COLOR=red][b]"HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT!"[/b][/COLOR] Kurt Cobain’s vocals boom in the background as the Heavenly Rockers arrive upbeat on the set to a chorus of boos. ABDULLAH To borrow the phrase of a once popular televangelist... Brother Moneymaker, I looooove you! Moneymaker and Nerdly lead a group hug. The BHB nowhere near, which Moneymaker soon realizes. He signals them over with a nod, but Simon and Ned stand their ground. After being rebuffed a second time Moneymaker has enough. THEODORE Didn’t you guys see me calling you over, or did you go blind all of a sudden? SIMON/NED … THEODORE I’m talking to you two, goddamnit! Answer me! And Ned does with a MIDDLE FINGER, to Simon‘s horror. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" THEODORE :firedevil: * WHAP * Moneymaker SLAPS Blanchard! Simon quick to restrain his partner while V.I.C.E. guard the Enterprise CEO. THEODORE We’re not gonna make a circus out of this, Ned. You know the guidelines. We don’t air our dirty laundry out in the public. Unless of course you’re leaking secrets to a rival organization. NED What the hell’s that supposed to mean? THEODORE You damn well know what that means. Why else would you agree to a match put together by the Deadly Alliance? NED To move up the ladder because you sure as hell haven’t done shit with us for months. THEODORE That’s because you haven’t been worth shit in months! I get Mackenzie to book you in a #1 contenders match and you couldn’t win outright. Then we get you booked in a triple threat for the tag titles and you blow that too. Who do you think I am the U.S. government? You expect me to bail out a struggling property that hasn’t produced in years? Eventually there’ll come a point where I just decide to cut my losses and start fresh. In that respect you’re lucky to even still be employed! SIMON Let’s get one thing straight, Teddy: we’re nobody’s property. We didn’t become 3-time tag champs by pulling strings. You know how we became champions? The old fashion way. We earned it. Besides, how the hell do you expect us to sit around the campfire and sing kumbuyah with our sworn enemies? You don’t W. and Osama chugging beer and roasting weenies in some cave, do you? SYNTH What’s the matter? Got sand in your vagina? :lol: MOLLY STFU. LOGAN Aren’t you the chick you slept with Leon Rodez, or was that one of your other whore sisters? NED Hey jackass, remember when I fucked your wife? LOGAN I was there, fool. COLE/COACH :huh: NED I know, you twisted bastard. And she told me that for a brother you have a small dick. HOLLY :bubbles: LOGAN Baby, did you tell him that? Holly shakes her head no. MR. DICK Alright ya bunch of pussies, quit it. As the big dick in town, I’m gonna use my load to put out this small fire. If you wanna bicker like a bunch of broads, do it on your own time not mine. I didn’t sign on with no team called the Drama Queens. I inked a deal to be part of the Cleveland Steamers. SIMON Cleveland Steamers? What the hell kind of name is that?! You don’t even have anybody from there on you team! MR. DICK No, but we’re gonna shit on everybody‘s favorite OAOAST superstars. THEODORE :lol: LOGAN Yeah, like you blond bitches just got shat on! SYNTH L-Man, answer moi this: What famous tourist attraction is located in Cleveland? LOGAN The Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame. SYNTH Which is where the Heavenly Rockers will end up once their career is ovah! THEODORE I guess it’s settled then. So Zack, Krista and whoever else you decide to be partners, I ask whatcha gonna do when the Cleveland Steamers take a shit all over you? BWAHAHA! [i]Come on come on, lovin' for the money Come on come on, listen to the Money talk Come on come on, lovin' for the money Come on come on, listen to the Money talk[/i] The newly dubbed Cleveland Steamers pose together while Simon and Ned walk off in disgust. COLE The Cleveland Steamers? COACH Greatest name ever, Cole. COLE I don't know about that, but Theodore Moneymaker did indeed assemble an unbelievable collection of talent. Now we wait to see who Zack Malibu and Krista Isadora Duncan will tap as their partners. COACH One thing's for sure, they won't have as cool a name as the Cleveland Steamers. COLE We'll be back!

HOW w/special guests the Enterprise Time permitting I may even have a match. No promises though.