Tony149

Speaking of the San Antonio Texans, I actually still have a team sticker that I got during a promotions giveaway at the mall. Even saw what probably was their last game ever on TV (the Spurs hadn't won anything yet so it was pretty exciting to have a team making a serious push for the championship). As for AS... Mr. Dick vs. Baron Windels

Let me begin by echoing what Alf said completely. We really turn up the heat in the summer. I remember the one year AM (V?)didn't have a whole lot of excitement going in, and was kind of a flat show by our high standards, but when AS came around it rocked the house. Now the feedback! It took a couple of extra years, but Zack finally got to reform the In Crowd. Very well done opening segment. With the heels running amok now there's a babyface squadron to keep them in check. Interesting twist to the Grey/Maguire rematch at Angleslam. Cuban Wall vs. KID, MITB: You can always count on Patty to deliver the goods, and this was no exception. Teddy was superb on commentary, as everyone Patty has sit in during his matches are. The Josie/Leon segment brought the intrigue. Are Teddy/Josie in cahoots? Is he using her? Is she using him? It appears Cooper Riley may have bitten off more than he can chew. He's likey in for an ass-kickin'. Brock is back at AS! BHB vs. D*LUX: Nonstop action from beginning to end, with a hot post-match angle followed by the Enterprise and Deadly Alliance getting into it. I blame the summer heat for everybody being on edge. Funny how MARV and MEL started their careers as a couple of fan boys, then became skateboarders and now are stoners. Coach vs. PR?! Seems like da Coach has a death wish. Alix is awesome. That’s all that needs to be said in regards to her segment with Josie and Jade. Reject vs. Leon, MITB: When the fan jumped into the ring I thought it was a plant at first, but I guess it wasn’t. Anyway, helluva match here, with both guys using everything but the kitchen sink to try and score the W. Maggie was also a treat on commentary. MOTN: Reject vs. Leon Rodez QOTS: "I'm not terribly comfortable with someone such as Cuban Wall being on the TSM board. I think after he crushes Krista's bones into dust I'll assassinate him. Don't give me that look, Cole, I'm not going to shoot him, just going to have him stabbed a few times." -- Theodore Moneymaker

What originally was intended to be a stage interview with Mr. Dick turned into a giant plug for AS, so for the first time in a good while the PPV Control Center will return under its new and hip name of the Shill Center. If you have any matches that'll be announced on this week's show, let me know so I can included them. Patty, might need your help on this one to ensure the segment is up-to-date. Don't want the show to open with a match announcement and it's missing from the Shill Center, that'd be very WCW.

Finished my part, Alf. Give it a look and let me know if it's OK. The way it's written opens the door for more interaction between the two groups, or even into a OAOAST version of the old WWF gang warz storyline with CI (and a 4th babyface group) involved as well.

As EWC said, if Zoidberg can defend the title regularly, which he's done so far, we might as well approve his request. If the title fizzles then we could put it on the Alien dude from a few weeks ago and have it feud with Mister Warrior or some whacky shit.

Naming Josie GM wasn't enough? Is the title just for cruiserweights or does he want to expand it beyond? With his proposed name changes I assume the latter. But man, I'll be honest... I'm not too hot on the idea. We'd have a bunch of singles titles but not enough characters IMO. Look at the US title. It's supposed to be the #2 title in the fed but you wouldn't know it. Last thing we need is another situation like that. Maybe if there was a merger between it and the title Zoidberg wants to use. Edit: Given EWC comments, maybe that is the way to go.

If the OAOAST was real, that opening would be used for HD. Captures our tone perfectly. Gave me a WWF Superstars vibe from when the show had a Monday Night Football inspired opening for about a year or two (1995 or 1996) which is probably on YouTube since just about everything is. But we’d fire the guy who thought it was a good idea to hold a FREE show. Fuck that. Squeeze every penny you can from the fans! Anyway, pretty good show with lots of noteworthy stuff going down. You had the upset by Cooper Riley (with excellent post-match promo from Sly), a fine Grey/CM Jr. match followed by an even better encounter between CW and Landon, then my MOTN featuring the DA vs. Love Gen/Bo and The Champ ending VX’s career. Plus an appearance from TV’s Neil Patrick Harris! Match of the Night: The Deadly Alliance vs. Love Generation & Bo Quote of the Show: “At least we didn't repackage Wright and Mackenzie as a boy-girl tag team under the names Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.” -- Theodore Moneymaker

Wasn't feeling it this week. But it's respectable. [i]My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14[/i] The greatest theme song in the OAOAST blaring in the background, Mr. Dick leads out his team for our next match. Malaysia trailing behind holding the gold and her cat o’nine tails. BUFFER The following 6-man tag team attraction is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Coming down the aisle, accompanied by OAOAST Women’s Champion MALAYSIA! At a total combined weight of 783 pounds, the team of CPA and DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY… V.I.C.E. … and MR. DICK! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Despite being a fellow New Yorker, law enforcement’s worse, Detective Bosley is greeted rudely. Mr. Dick having to prevent him from running into the crowd to crack some heads. COLE Hold onto your seats, fans, what’s left of the ozone layer is going to explode from this ovation. A cloud of [b][color="#9932CC"]purple haze[/color][/b] is released as “Thriller” by Fall Out Boy hits to the sound of screaming girls everywhere. BUFFER And their opponents! First, from Laguna Beach, California, total combine weight 370 pounds… MARV and MEL… THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS! Their tag team partner hails from San Antonio, Texas, and weighs in tonight at 265 pounds… “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BARON WINDELS!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Baron and the CAE clear the ring storming in. Mr. Dick and V.I.C.E. wanting to start the match on their term. Referee Nick Patrick ordering both teams to choose a representative to get things underway. * DINGDINGDING * Pre-match garb aside, the teams are ready to hook ‘em up. Face to face, Detective Tango Bosley and MARV engage in a little trash talking before locking up. Though he owns the size and weight advantage Bosley still resorts to using a cheapshot, driving the knee into the midsection of MARV. Knuckle sandwich and backhand judo chop rocks the youngest member of the match, but he recovers in time to block a roundhouse kick and snap Bosley over with a DRAGON SCREW LEG WHIP! COACH That’s gotta feel worse than being shot, Mikey. At least most, if not all, the damage is done after taking a bullet to the leg. In this case the ligaments could be stretched or hanging on by a thread. COLE Are you ribbing me? Both hurt like a bitch! MARV dropkicks the knee and Bosley falls flat on his face. A quick tag ensues and MEL delivers a SPRINGBOARD LEGDROP! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Full arm drag and twist, but when MEL cranks on the arm Bosley pops him good in the face. MEL shakes it off and retaliates with overhand chops, then a single-leg takedown as MARV re-enters and grabs the other leg to do the old Rock ‘n’ Roll Express double somersault leg stretch followed by punch to opposition tag partner standing on the apron, or partners in this case, drilling both CPA and Mr. Dick! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The identical twin sensations play to the crowd and nearly get decapitated for it. Fortunately they duck a clothesline from Detective Bosley and connect with a DOUBLE KICKFLIP. MARV exits as the heels tag and in comes a red hot Mr. Dick, who charges into an arm drag. And another. Now it’s the good guys’ turn to make an exchange. BARON WINDELS accepting the tag! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Listen to this crowd exploded! They want to see the former Lone Star Gunslingers hook ‘em up. COACH And you know Mr. Dick is all about giving the people what they want. It’s too bad the same can’t be said for Baron Windels. Mr. Dick’s all big and bad in the lead up to his showdown with Baron, but just as they’re about to lockup he pulls away at the very last second and bails outside for a rubdown from Malaysia. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE What a coward he is. COACH Tell us something we don’t already know about Baron Windels. COLE I’m talking about Mr. Dick! COACH A man’s man in every sense of the word. COLE :rolleyes: Because every Texan loves a good fight Baron goes out and finds him one, performing a DOUBLE COCONUT on Mr. Dick and Malaysia! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Who does that guy think he is, Rick Mahorn? This is 10 times worse than what he did, and you actually have fans cheering this act of violence against a woman. Disgusting. Bumbling around like a fool outside, Mr. Dick is tossed back in and hammered in the corner. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10! Though disoriented, he manages to grab onto the top rope after being sent for the ride and measures BW for a STIFF KICK…but Windels ducks and delivers an ATOMIC DROP that causes Mr. Dick to shoot off the ropes and back into a BIG BOOT! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Malaysia places Mr. Dick’s foot on the bottom rope. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Like the crowd, Baron doesn’t appreciate Malaysia’s interference either. The Lone Star Gunslinger issuing a warning to the ultimate combination of beauty of beatdowns. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to him a tag has been made. CPA now the legal man, and he makes his presence felt, slamming Baron down hard onto the mat with a GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB applied from behind! COACH Brute strength right there, Mikey. That’s a 6’7”, 260-plus pound man CPA just tossed like a ragdoll. Instead of going for the pin CPA sees whether he can stomp Baron’s brains out. He fails but does a whole helluva lot of damage in the process, pleasing his partners and especially Malaysia because she loves pain and all. With BW hurting Mr. Dick asks for the tag and receives it. COLE Oh, yeah. What a big tough guy he is. Mr. Dick only accepting the tag after CPA did all the dirty work. JUST BEING A DICK, he signals for Malaysia to distract referee Nick Patrick so he can HEADBUTT BARON IN THE GROIN! The cover. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Baron just barely raising the shoulder. Mr. Dick rams Baron into the buckle and unloads, stomping the Lone Star Gunslinger to the seat of his pants and paint brushing him. He whips Baron across to the far corner and charges in for the big splash…but nobody’s home! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Cowboy Bebop elbows find their mark, and the giant dick, figuratively speaking, is fired in and over courtesy of a BAAAAAAAAAACK BODY DROP. Mr. Dick staggers to his feet and walks into a TOP ROPE LARIAT! ONE… TWO… Save by Detective Bosley! But he makes the mistake of staying in the ring too long as MEL swoops in and delivers his patented SWINGING BULLDOG! COACH What a poor message MEL’s sending the youth of America, Cole -- that it’s OK to disrespect authority. COLE Tango Bosley is a man who doesn’t deserve respect, not after he decided to accept Theodore Moneymaker’s dirty money. CPA returns as the legal man and immediately puts the boots to Baron. Then he busts out the heavy artillery, namely a POWERSLAM! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Baron still showing signs of life, which CPA looks to squeeze out by rolling the Lone Star Gunslingers onto his stomach, placing him in a reverse chinlock. “BARON!” “BARON!” “BARON!” Whatever hope of a comeback Baron has are dashed by a boot to the spine of the back. Enter Detective Bosley to bait the CAE inside so he and his teammates can pummel the hell out of Baron. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE I know they do the best job they can, but these referees sometimes…it’s like they’re lost in there. COACH You’re just upset it’s one of your favorites getting the rough treatment. If it were the other way around you wouldn’t be whining. V.I.C.E. tag and Detective Bosley sets Baron for the NYPD-DT…but Windels blocks the suplex and serves up a BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL! ONE… TWO… THREE!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" * DINGDINGDING * COLE Oh, just like that it’s over! COACH I’ve seen it and I still don’t believe it. One second Boz is in control, the next he’s flat on his back down for the count. The CAE jump on Baron in celebration only to be attacked by CPA who dumps them outside while Mr. Dick WHIPS the Lone Star Gunslinger with Malaysia’s CAT O‘NINE TAILS. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE This is uncalled for. What sore losers these guys are. OAOAST officials need to get off their ass and out here to stop this. COACH I bet they’re like me in believing this is what Baron gets for laying his hands on Malaysia. Now that was uncalled for. And here they come, but CPA and Malaysia keep them at bay. It’s only until after Mr. Dick has had fun that officials are let in to tend to Baron Windels, his back bloody from the lashings he received. COLE Fans, as Baron gets the help he needs, we’re going to take a quick time out and be back with more OAOAST action right after this.

6-Man Tag Mr. Dick & V.I.C.E. vs. Baron Windels & The Christ Air Express

About ready to continue with our Money in the Bank tournament, Michael Cole first enters the ring to interview 84-year-old referee Clem Buzzlefoxer. COLE Clem, I thank you for taking a moment of your time to speak with us, especially since OAOAST officials are immune from questioning by members of the press. But I know you wish to address the controversial tag bout you officiated last week featuring V.I.C.E. and the Christ Air Express. [b][color="#FF0000"]<<[/color] [color="#0000FF"]OAOAST BACKTRACKER[/color] [color="#FF0000"]<<[/color][/b] [color="#FF8C00"][b]Last Week[/b][/color] [quote]EMT Tim feels for the ropes and begins to crawl to the WRONG corner. Tim shakes off the cobwebs and heads in the right direction. CPA grabs the attention of referee Clem Buzzlefoxer as Tim MAKES THE TAG. Unfortunately since the referee didn’t see it the tag isn’t allowed. Baron doesn’t give a damn, though, and starts kicking ass. Dropkicks and Cowboy bebop elbows for everyone! Big boot staggers CPA, and a clothesline knocks him to the floor. His pleas for order falling on deaf ears Clem Buzzlefoxer calls for the bell. * DINGDINGDING * An argument ensues between Buzzlefoxer and Windels. As they continue to go back and forth, CPA smokes Tim with the GIGATON PUNCH and places Detective Bosley on top. Suddenly Clem signals to restart the match. CPA floors a befuddled Baron Windels as the count is made. ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDINGDING *[/quote] “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE As you can hear, it was not a very popular decision. Quite frankly, and with all due respect, I question your state of mind during all that. BUZZLEFOXER My great-great-great grandkids, they never miss a OAOAST show and read the Internet, Mr. Cole. They read and hear at school the jokes about their grand-grand-grand pappy, and it doesn‘t just hurt them it hurts me too. So for you of all people to question my state of mind, it pains me to no end. But it no longer comes as a surprise that whenever something unusual happens in a match I’m officiating, like missing a tag or my attention being diverted elsewhere during a key spot in the match, people assume it’s yours truly experiencing a senior moment. If I may be so blunt, that pisses me off! For you must understand, I’ve done this job for well over 50 glorious years. Longer than most people watching have been alive! There’s no other official on God’s green earth who can do a better job than me, which I proved last week by not cheating the fans out of their hard earned money. I gave them a winner. Baron Windels ignored repeated warnings in regards to his constant interference. After interfering for a third time I had no choice but to disqualify him. Until I remembered what I was told many, many, many, many years ago in referee school: never allow yourself to determine the outcome of a match. COLE But you did! BUZZLEFOXER At first, I admit. I quickly rectified my mistake, however. The important thing is, there was a winner and there was a loser -- and the fans went home happy! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Does that sound like the fans are happy? BUZZLEFOXER (smiling) We’re in a different city, Mr. Cole. COLE (sighs) Very well. Clem, I again thank you for your time. Fans, here we go with our next Money in the Bank match. [i]My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14[/i] The camera pans to the entranceway where Mr. Dick stands, arms raised out in a pose as streams of [b][color="#808000"]golden pyro shower[/color][/b] down on him and Malaysia. BUFFER The following is a first round MONEY IN THE BANK tournament match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, accompanied by the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns, OAOAST Women’s Champion MALAYSIA! From San Antonio, Texas, weighing a hard 238 pounds… MR. DICK! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Mr. Dick swaggers to the ring holding his crotch. Once inside he tosses his glittery white cowboy hat aside and summons his opponent. COLE A quick reminder about next week’s special telecast fans. Just signed: [b]BIG APPLE SPECTACULAR [color="#808000"]Mr. Dick & V.I.C.E.[/color] vs. [color="#2E8B57"]Baron Windels & The Christ Air Express[/color][/b] COLE What a match-up it should be. COACH If you like massacres. Which is exactly what it’ll be next week. Guaranteed. *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "Liberate" by Disturbed hits and the crowd goes BERSERK. The Metrosexual Monster triggering a pyrotechnic display that puts the 4th of July to shame by simply flashing THE GUNZ~! BUFFER And his opponent, hailing from Greenville, South Carolina, weighing 284 pounds... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEEEEEEMOTHHHHHH!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bo runs up the steel steps and poses inside on the middle turnbuckle. Like a snake in the grass Mr. Dick stalks his prey and pounces when the time is right, clubbing Bo hard from behind with overhead forearm smashes. * DINGDINGDING * COLE Mr. Dick living up to his name, ambushing the Metrosexual Monster. COACH You don’t agree with it, but it’s a smart move on Mr. Dick’s part, Mikey. Bo’s a monster. He puts everybody he’s in the ring with at a disadvantage. So you gotta take every opportunity he gives you. Put on the defensive to start Bo then goes on the offensive, backing Mr. Dick against the ropes with a fury of closed fists referee Clem Buzzlefoxer admonishes him on. He whips Mr. Dick across for a clothesline, but Mr. Dick ducks under and lands a STIFF KICK that merely fazes the Epitome of Masculinity! So if at first you don’t succeed try, try AGAIN… AND AGAIN… NO, BO COUNTERS WITH A POWERSLAM!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ONE… TWO… And only two. Mr. Dick rolling outside clutching his lower back. While he recovers Malaysia hops on the apron to challenge Bo. Woman or not, the charismatic big man invites her to step inside. Clem Buzzlefoxer and his fragile 84-year-old body doing all it can to keep that confrontation from occurring. As the war of words continue, Mr. Dick sneaks around to the other side of the ring and scales up top. COLE Behind you Bo! From Cole’s lips to Bo’s ears. The Metrosexual Monster nailing Mr. Dick coming down with a shot to the gut! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Face-first into the buckle goes Mr. Dick. Bo keeping him cornered for a series of knees to the midsection. Whipped across Mr. Dick floats out of an attempted military press slam and CLIPS Bo’s knee! COACH Let’s see how Bo does now that he’s the one at a disadvantage. Mr. Dick squares Bo up and drives the point of the elbow into the back of the neck. Down on a knee the man dubbed PIMPHEMOTH~ for his stylish threads becomes enraged after a SLAP to the face, popping Mr. Dick above the belly button which he shakes off, raking the eyes to follow. An illegal act gone unnoticed despite referee Clem Buzzlefoxer standing right there. COLE I don’t advocate forcing anybody into retirement, but it’s my humble opinion that OAOAST management should look into doing so in this case. The guy’s breaking down in front of our very eyes. His vision’s poor and God only knows how many replacement joints he needs. COACH Age discrimination! COLE The last thing this business needs is a death in the ring, and I’d hate to see the outcome to an important match affected by Clem. You don’t want him to fall asleep when Tha Puerto Rican is about to retain the heavyweight championship of the world or when D*LUX is a half a count away from winning the tag titles. COACH Just don’t book him in any title matches. Simple as that. Having shoved Bo onto his back Mr. Dick points Clem in Malaysia’s direction as he lifts both of Bo’s legs and HEADBUTTS HIM IN THE GROIN! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Mr. Dick…Just Being A Dick. After bashing Bo’s leg against the ring post repeatedly, Mr. Dick looks to slap on the figure-4. Kicked away at first he stays persistent…AND GETS ROLLED UP IN A SMALL PACKAGE! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Both men rush to their feet, and Bo stiffs the shit out of Mr. Dick with a MURDERLINE!! Mr. Dick staggers back up and right into an inverted atomic drop…which does more damage to Bo due to his injured knee. COACH The end may be near, Cole. Coming off a grueling series of matches with Zack Malibu and then having competed in War Games just a few short weeks ago, I don’t know how much Bo has left in the tank. Mr. Dick meets little resistance applying the FIGURE-4 LEGLOCK this time around. The shockwave of pain causing Bo to sit up, teeth gritted. As Clem checks to see whether Bo wants to quit, Mr. Dick grabs the ropes for extra leverage. Which Bo desperately tries to aware Clem of. Of course by the time he looks Mr. Dick has already let go. “LET’S GO BO!” “LET’S GO BO!” “LET’S GO BO!” The crowd solidly behind him Bo stages his comeback. Running high on adrenaline Bo flexes his muscles to psych out Mr. Dick before overturning the figure-4. Now the one feeling the hurt Mr. Dick releases his grip on the hold almost immediately. But the damage has been done. Bo struggling to put any weight on his injured leg. This allows Mr. Dick to come up and hook Bo in a FULL NELSON and SLAM him into the mat with PURE PENETRATION! COLE Bo in real trouble here. ONE… TWO… NO! Bo gets the shoulder up, prompting Mr. Dick to complain of a slow count. A claim referee Clem Buzzlefoxer responds by shooting Mr. Dick a stare that translates to “quit your bitching” and he does. Unlike the last time he meets heavy resistance trying to reapply the figure-4, crashing face-first into the buckle after Bo uses his foot to shove him off! He staggers back around into the arms of Bo who delivers a FRONT SPINEBUSTER!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Back in the driver’s seat Bo looks to the crowd for his next move. Thumbs up? “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” THUMBS DOWN~! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH God these people are sadistic, Cole Bo nods in agreement. But as he’s about to scoop Mr. Dick up for the Erotic Awakening of B, Malaysia once again makes her presence felt on the apron. COLE Careful Bo. Remember what happened the last time you and Malaysia came face to face. Bo knows, sidestepping a running attack from Mr. Dick who quickly puts on the brakes to avoid a collision with Malaysia. COACH Close call there. Happy to disappoint Mr. Dick laughs in the fans’ faces. Bo’s got their backs though, clothes lining the narcissistic bastard over the top. Luckily for Mr. Dick he lands safely on the apron, or so he thinks. A big roundhouse knocking him loopy. Bo then suplexes… NO, MALAYSIA YANKS THE LEG OUT FROM UNDER BO AND MR. DICK FALLS ON TOP! COLE Malaysia’s got the leg! Mr. Dick’s gonna steal this one! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bo PRESSING Mr. Dick onto the true senior official of the OAOAST. COACH I told you Bo’s a monster, Mikey. Even with Malaysia pinning his leg he still managed to kickout. COLE What heart and desire being shown here tonight. Both men badly wanting to advance onto the next round of the Money in the Bank tournament in search of a shot at the OAOAST Championship and a half a million dollars. The first to his feet Mr. Dick pulls the CUP out of his short shorts. But it’s no ordinary cup. It’s a STEEL CUP specially designed for extra protection. COACH That’s what I call balls of steel. COLE :rolleyes: Mr. Dick winds up…but has the cup ripped from his hands by BARON WINDELS. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" MR. DICK :angry: COACH What's this loser doing out here. Oh, now I get it. He wants to see what a winner and real man looks like up close. Mr. Dick takes a swing at his former tag partner and misses. Baron shoving him back into the direction of Bo and THE EROTIC AWAKENING OF B!! COLE Oh, my! COACH This is terrible. Mr. Dick had the match won, Cole. Clem slowly -- and I mean [I]slowly[/I] -- crawls over to make the count. ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDINGDING * BARON :) *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* Bo’s music plays in the background as the fans celebrate his victory. BUFFER Here is your winner, advancing to the next round of the Money in the Bank tournament… “THE METROSEXUAL MONSTER”…. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEEEEEEMOTHHHHHH!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Baron tosses the steel cup to Malaysia before letting Bo have his moment in the spotlight. Mr. Dick pissed beyond words/belief/whatever the proper phrase is. In any event, he’s mad. COLE What a win for “The Metrosexual Monster” Bohemoth. COACH I call it a miscarriage of justice. How come you aren’t as wound up about Bo getting help from Baron Windels as you were when Mr. Dick received assistance from Malaysia? COLE Baron had little impact in the outcome of the match. Whereas Malaysia did everything but actually get in the ring to help Mr. Dick. COACH You don’t even bother to hide your bias anymore, Cole. COLE Well you’re not the king of impartially yourself. So there. Right now…

MITB: Mr. Dick vs. Bo

Show's up in Home Entertainment. I've only had the chance to skim it, but it looks pretty good.

Half-assed it towards the end, but it's not that bad. [b][color="#FF0000"]<<[/color] [color="#0000FF"]OAOAST BACKTRACKER[/color] [color="#FF0000"]<<[/color][/b] [color="#FF8C00"][b]Last Week[/b][/color] [quote]CPA and Detective Bosley jump in front of Theodore Moneymaker as EMT TIM CASH steps onto the podium. EMT TIM I’m not here for morally bankrupt there; I’m here for the backstabber, Tango Bosley. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” BOSLEY :angry: EMT TIM What the hell, man?! You’ve gone and sold your soul to the devil in the smoking jacket? Why, man? We were well on our way. BOSLEY I don’t have to answer to you, you Brannigan, and you people. But the only thing we were well on our way to was the unemployment line had I not done some soul searching. CPA Shit, man. Let’s just start cracking heads. BOSLEY I like the way you think. Bosley whips out a TELESCOPIC BATON and whacks Tim’s knee! With Tim crumbled on the podium Bosley and CPA do a number on him. Bosley working his partner over with the baton as Theodore Moneymaker watches on, laughing his ass off.[/quote] “In the Air Tonight” by Nonpoint hits, the live crowd boos, and CPA and Detective Tango Bosley march to the ring. The Boz stopping to jaw jack with fans while CPA enjoys the finest cigar money can buy. * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, at a total combine weight of 545 pounds, they are Violators, Instigators and Capital E-fenders… CPA and DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY… V.I.C.E.! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Here we go with the bout requested by EMT Tim Cash following his humiliation last week at the hands of Theodore Moneymaker’s newly formed V.I.C.E. squad. Who he’s selected as his partner is anyone’s guess. Michael Buffer exit’s the ring as “Hospital Beds” by Cold War Kids blasts through our multi-million dollar sound system. EMT Tim Cash steps out solo onstage and removes a microphone from his medical bag! EMT TIM Boz, I can tell by the look on your face you’re surprised I even bothered to show. You think just because you dubbed yourself as [i]the[/i] alpha male in the OAOAST that nobody would dare enter your domain. Tonight I choose to enter and I brought a partner with me. A man who takes justice into his own hands serving as judge, jury and executioner, and who believes in the basic principles you denounced by selling out to the devil himself. He also has a little beef with you guys stemming from the Great Angle Bash. COLE Oh, my. Could it be? "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The crowd ERUPTS as “Thriller” by Fall Out Boy is cued. BOSLEY :o BARON WINDELS meets EMT Tim with a high five, and then they storm the ring. But standing in the way of getting their hands on V.I.C.E. is 84-year-old senior -- and we do mean SENIOR -- official Clem Buzzlefoxer who does his darnest to keep the fireworks from exploding prior to the opening bell, ordering Tim and Baron to the corner. COLE Come on, Clem. Let them fight. COACH For one I agree with you, Cole. I want to see them fight so V.I.C.E. can squash Tim and Baron like the bugs they are. Their backs turned Detective Bosley looks to blindside his former partner, but Tim steps aside and Bosley goes crashing into the buckle! Tim unloads on him in the corner, whipping the disgraced NYPD detective across to deliver a spinning back elbow. Back to the corner Tango goes for a monkey flip, and then it’s a quick tag to CPA who gets drilled on the way in by an ENZIGURI~! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Having studied V.I.C.E.’s first match together, Baron and EMT Tim employ the same hit and run strategy that had CPA and Detective Bosley on their heels at the GAB. First with Baron smacking his BUTT into CPA’s face, and then Tim scoring off the top with a MISSLE DROPKICK! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT…AND WITH AUTHORITY! CPA reverses a whip to the corner and charges in, but Tim floats up and takes the big man down in a head scissor. Detective Bosley doesn’t fair much better when he tries lending a helping hand, running into a BACKBRAIN WHEELKICK! The EMT has a few choice words for his ex-partner, but he soon goes from talking shit to having it beaten out of him after a high angle waistlock takedown from CPA leaves him prone to a series of punishing forearm smashes to the back of the head. COLE What does he think this is, the octagon? COACH He’s striking Tim with elbows not punches, so it’s legal in pro wrestling. CPA then displays his tremendous strength, dead lighting Tim onto his back via a gut wrench suplex! With Tim down and seemingly out, Detective Bosley wants in, and CPA obliges. The AMOG (Alpha Male of the Group) entering to a chorus of boos as he takes advantage of poor Tim, stomping him on the head with his loafers. COLE And he doesn’t even have socks on! Tim’s introduced hard into the buckle and then worked over in the corner, Bosley punching him rapidly in the midsection with both fists followed by a brutal ROUNDHOUSE KICK that would knock the stuffing out of a turkey. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Bosley dumps Tim outside to soak in the adulation of the crowd, in his mind at least. But it also serves a purpose, as CPA wraps Tim in a bear hug and rams him into the ring post! Baron unable to help as senior official Clem Buzzlefoxer keeps him at bay. COLE This is ridiculous. Clem, you’re holding back the wrong man. It’s CPA you should be trying to stop. COACH Good luck with that. The Boz FISHERMAN SUPLEX’S Tim inside! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Baron makes the save and receives an earful from Clem. While all that goes on V.I.C.E. make an illegal switch, which goes unnoticed thanks to Buzzlefoxer’s poor eyesight. COLE This is ridiculous! You’re telling me even at Clem’s advanced age he can’t tell the difference between Detective Bosley and CPA. Here’s a clue for you: one’s white, the other’s black! COACH And I thought I was suppose to be the angry one. Tim’s sent for the ride and driven into the mat courtesy of a FRONT SPINEBUSTER! ONE… TWO… "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BW with the save again, and Clem’s none to happy, giving Baron a final warning. All the Lone Star Gunslinger can do is throw his arms up in frustration. Meanwhile, Bosley returns as the legal man, splashing down on Bosley and hooking the leg. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Baron slaps the top turnbuckle to rally the crowd behind EMT Tim, drawing a smile from our resident alpha male who laughs at the attempt. A slash of the throat signals the end is near. Brainbuster coming up, but Tim counters with a desperation DDT! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" EMT Tim feels for the ropes and begins to crawl to the WRONG corner. Tim shakes off the cobwebs and heads in the right direction. CPA grabs the attention of referee Clem Buzzlefoxer as Tim MAKES THE TAG. Unfortunately since the referee didn’t see it the tag isn’t allowed. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Baron doesn’t give a damn, though, and starts kicking ass. Dropkicks and Cowboy bebop elbows for everyone! COACH A man of the law, huh? COLE The officiating has been piss poor in this one. I don’t blame him one bit. Big boot staggers CPA, and a clothesline knocks him to the floor. His pleas for order falling on deaf ears Clem Buzzlefoxer calls for the bell. * DINGDINGDING * An argument ensues between Buzzlefoxer and Windels. As they continue to go back and forth, CPA smokes Tim with the GIGATON PUNCH and places Detective Bosley on top. Suddenly Clem signals to restart the match. COACH This one might not yet be over, Mikey. CPA floors a befuddled Baron Windels as the count is made. ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, CPA and DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY… V.I.C.E.! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” A few rudely fans petal the ring with garbage as Clem raises the hands of CPA and Detective Bosley. COLE What the hell was that? Has Clem gone crazy?! COACH Doesn’t everybody love a match where there’s a clear cut winner? Flanked by a never before seen private security force Clem exits, leaving V.I.C.E. alone with Baron Windels and EMT Tim. The Boz removes the bottom turnbuckle pad where a set of HANDCUFFS are hidden and cuffs Tim to the top rope, while CPA binds the Lone Star Gunslinger’s hands together with the TAG ROPE. COLE Oh, man. I don’t like the looks of this at all. Bosley tears the right side of his pants to reveal a TELESCOPIC BATON tied to his leg. He whips that bad boy out and Rodney King’s his former partner. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Baron charges at CPA and gets beaten down for his trouble. CPA doing the job with his bare hands. But help is on the way. THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS coming to the aid of EMT Tim and good friend Baron Windels. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" V.I.C.E. and the CAE trade blows until MR. DICK sticks his cock where it doesn’t belong, paving the way for another mass beatdown. OAOAST officials finally arrive to put an end to the lawlessness, escorting Mr. Dick and V.I.C.E. away from the area. COLE What a situation we have out here. Fans, we desperately need to take a break to restore some order. So don’t go away. More action after this quick time out.

V.I.C.E. vs. EMT Tim Cash & ?

He's just one of the many heels who support Moneymaker's cause. Now for some feedback. Even though Josie originally wasn’t intended to be the new GM (only came to be within the last 2-3 weeks), her reign got off to a good start with a strong re-introduction. LOO Battle Royal: at the Adamle cameo. Say what you will about the guy, and plenty have, but I still believe in Mike Adamle. He should’ve been the new Mean Gene not Chris Leary. It’s not his fault he knows little about wrestling. A little time and a lot of patience would do wonders for him. Besides, his Jamaican Me Crazy phrase is clever. As for the match, thumbs up. Loved the It bit between Double C. Shades of Who. Other than the name, I hardly remember It at all. But I know Mister Warrior, and everybody loves Mister Warrior. I was hoping, maybe against hope, he’d somehow pull it off but no. At least he eliminated a handful of guys. Jamie O’Hara vs. Colombian Heat, U.S. Title: Seems like forever since the U.S. Title was last defended. For that reason alone I was pulling for O’Hara, but he failed in his attempt like Mister Warrior. Reject/TK vs. Cash Money: CM didn’t win, but I like them. And though I was a bit disappointed when Moss and Benjamin lost the titles, I’ve been digging the reign of Reject/TK. When Landon talks, people listen. Or read in our case. PATD & MGHWC vs. Krista & D*LUX: First of all, PATD is such an awesome name. Secondly, this match was a blast to read. Alix was hilarious on commentary. Short and sweet promo from the DA. The stuff with TT/Family Matters was gold. ABC’s TGIF programming used to be bad ass back in the day. War Games: What more can you say? You knew this was going to rock the minute it was announced. We haven’t had one miss when it comes to WG. Our guys do it right. Sick finish to the match. Excellent job. Match of the Night: To be different I’ll say PATD vs. Krista/D*LUX Quote of the Show: “GO AWAY YOU ASSHOLE, I'M WATCHING URKEL!” -- TT

ANGLESLAM ‘08 8 WEEKS AWAY We find ourselves back outside, in the parking lot, where Leon Rodez waits sat on the hood of his rental car with cellphone in hand. Leon tries but seems to be failing to put a call through and sighs as he puts the phone away again. Various passers-by drift past Leon with little acknowledgement. It's only when one passer-by in particular comes into view that he jumps up from the car. LEON MAGGIE! Caught not entirely by surprise Maggie stops in her tracks. LEON Hey, I've been looking all over for you. MAGGIE And why is that? LEON Well, because you're my girlfriend maybe? Listen, I'm about done here tonight, it's a Saturday night, Spanish Fly was no sweat so I'm still lookin' for the fight of my life. Do you fancy going out and dancing like she's never danced before? MAGGIE Well, I dunno. Don't you have anything better to be doing? Like playing video games, or listening to lame-ass songs from old movies to use in conversation to try and get me to laugh? LEON Not really, I already watched all the ones I brought with me. How about something to eat then? MAGGIE That's okay. I just went out and ate with a friend. Hope you don't mind. As Maggie continues to seem strangely distant but happy about it, she suddenly becomes less content when REJECT walks over and places his arm around her shoulder. REJECT Is this guy bothering you, babe? LEON So Mackenzie was telling the truth after all? MAGGIE It's not what it looks like. Or, maybe it is... how would that make you fee... REJECT It's EXACTLY what it looks like. Maggie turns her head to Reject with a 'WTF are you doing' scowl, which he dismisses with a smirk. REJECT Face it, she could do better. And now she has. Now, I suggest you quit harrassing the lady, before I make you quit. She's made her choice and she clearly she chose right. I mean let's face it, while you're off role-playing with your dork of 'just good friend', she's found a World Champion right before her very eyes. LEON I'm sorry, I was listening to a word of that, because I'm still trying to figure out what exactly's going on. MAGGIE We just went out for something to eat... REJECT And I have to tell you, this girl really knows how to whet a guy's appetite. I was ready for seconds within minutes, if you know what I mean. LEON Okay, innuendo, very good. First of all, how about you take your hand off my girlfriend's shoulder... Leon 'helps' Reject do just that... but the World Tag Team Champion takes exception and pops Leon in the mouth with a cheapshot right hand!! Letting out a scream Maggie scuttles out of the way, as Leon goes staggering down the parking lot with Reject in hot pursuit. Leon suddenly fires back with a right hand of his own and pretty soon the two are exchanging punches up against a parked car. COLE Oh my! We've got a fight in the parking lot! COACH I told you, serious stuff, hands in the cookie jar, all of that stuff. Reject slugs away at Leon, who responds by going to the body and backing Reject up against a wall, firing off uppercuts to the body. The two spill through the door from the parking lot into the backstage area itself, which is a much more crowded environment and has people dodging out of the way. Reject's button up white shirt gets ripped open as he rakes away at Leon's face to back him off. Back comes Leon though, the fight continuing on as shocked OAOAST workers look on. MAGGIE STOP IT! JUST STOP IT! Despite the lady's pleas, the fight continues... ...until suddenly, a Singapore cane comes flying into the picture, right onto the back of Leon's head! As Reject gets to his feet, Sandman9000 walks into the picture, revealing himself as the culprit! COLE Oh my God! Right on the back of Leon's head, Sandman9000 from out of nowhere with that kendo stick! Reject stomps away on the fallen Leon as Sandman stares upon the scene, until finally other OAOAST officials and lower-card wrestlers have the common sense to do something about it and break the fight up. Maggie comes rushing over and kneels down at Leon's side to check he's okay and to make sure Reject doesn't jump in again. Which seems to work, as Reject holds his hands up and allows himself to be shepherded off. Sandman9000 is a harder prospect and he gets in a couple of last kicks before the bodies move him off as well. Leon tries to get up and charge at Sandman, but is held back by a bevy of wrestlers, including D*LUX, who just arrived on the scene. Leon then sinks back down to the ground, holding his head, which has a gash as a result of the shot with the cane. COLE Man, Leon has been left laying here, by Sandman9000 and by Reject, who after tonight's first round matches we know will meet in four weeks' time in the Money In The Bank Tournament! And I'm sure Maggie Nerdly is regretting her misguided idea of making Leon jealous after what just happened. COACH You think that's all it was? I think she just jumped at the first chance to spend some quality time with Reject. COLE Oh yeah, because he seems like exactly the classy kinda guy who knows how to treat a woman. COACH Are you crazy? Bitches don't want class, they just want a real man, like the R-Man. Maggie continues to tend to Leon, as we fade to black. © 2008 OAOAST Entertainment All Rights Reserved.

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD We open with a rapid-fire hightlight package consisting of still photos and audio of last Sunday's Great Angle Bash event. Plus, OAOAST GM/President/Commissioner/Director of Authority/just about every figurehead title you can think of Josie Baker's announcement of the MITB tournament booked for this evening. Money, Money, Money, Money...MONEY... IN THE BANK TOURNAMENT at TNA and their "cute" title episodes. We're in for a surprise tonight, as immediately following the highlights of the Great Angle Bash, we skip right over the opening theme song and head into the arena. The crowd probably doesn't even realize they're now live on television at this point, as they're too distracted by their disdain for Nathaniel Black, who is in the ring with a microphone. BLACK I don't find it suprising that an American audience, fresh off celebrating your Independence Day, would respond so disrespectfully and crudely to someone such as myself. The crowd continues to boo, and Black pauses, not happy, yet also expectant of that reaction. BLACK I'm not one to play the nationality card, but perhaps if you Americans had some tact, some taste, and treated me as I deserve to be treated, we wouldn't be at an impass. If you people cared about the sacrifices I have made to have my career grow as it has, you wouldn't react this way. Instead, you show your true colors...not red, white and blue on this holiday weekend...and by the way, those are OUR colors...but green with envy, as you look at the greatest import to cross the ocean and land here in America, and in your precious OAOAST! If he thought that would help, he's dead wrong, as nothing but more booing follows Black's statement. BLACK I don't need to be beloved by you, but for a company whose main attraction bases everything on respect, there certainly is a lack of it around here. Maybe it's because of the company I keep, maybe it's because of my heritage, I really don't know...but what I do know is that right now, I'm out here to rectify that. I am making a stand against the OAOAST, and against YOU, Zack Malibu! NUCLEAR HEAT now, as Black has insulted America, the OAOAST, and now the most popular superstar in the company, so you can imagine how the fans are feeling. BLACK Zack, you and I aren't that familiar with each other, at least not until this past Sunday. To be quite honest, I was honored when I realized it would be you and I starting off the War Games match for our teams. You are the measuring stick around here, after all, and to receive the chance to take you on one on one, well, I was honored...and also quite surprised at what a pushover you are! Paging Nathaniel Black, there's a crowd that despises you on line 1. BLACK YOU are supposed to be the top talent? You're supposed to be the man who fought across the world, a former World Heavyweight Champion, HI-YAH Heavyweight Champion, Tag Team Champion, 24/7 Champion...the list goes on, Zack, we know your resume...but in FIVE MINUTES, before anyone else entered that cage, I felt it. I felt you weakening already. I knew that I was able to take you to your limit, that if the circumstances were any different, I could have defeated you on my own. Imagine that. The great Zack Malibu has been exposed, and he's not as invincible as he'd lead you to believe, people. Your hero, your Franchise, is a FRAUD! I won't discredit myself because let's face it, I'm the best British import to hit the States since the Dynamite Kid...but I expected a challenge, Zack! So now, Zack, I had my taste. I had five minutes with you to decide what step to take next...and despite the stitches in my head, the soreness in my bones, and the fact that your motley crew managed to walk away completely intact, I want it again. I want Zack Malibu in the ring, so I can show the world what a... CUE:"Getting Away With Murder". The crowd LEAPS to their feet, as the sound of the longtime anthem of the popular superstar booms over the PA. Black pauses and glares at the entrance ramp, where Malibu, in dress clothes and bandaged forehead as a result of War Games, appears. Zack starts making his way down to the ring, and within seconds, Nathaniel Black has his wish, as he and Zack Malibu are caught in a staredown! The crowd goes wild for this, and moments later Zack takes the microphone from Black in order to speak his piece. MALIBU Ask and ye shall receieve, Nathaniel Black, because here I am, in the ring with you! Black starts rolling his wrists and nodding his head, ready to fight. MALIBU Now most of you think I've come out here to offer a few witty lines to rebut your claims, take you up on your challenge, or maybe just flat out lay you out right here and now...but it's not going to be like that. See, I will admit to you firsthand, in front of the world, that you are one HELL of a talent. I will also admit that at the beginning of War Games this past Sunday, I experienced firsthand exactly what you were made of. You have all the skill in the world, you have talent that most could only dream of, but it's what you have *up here* that makes you your worst enemy! Black doesn't budge, and seems interested in where Zack is going with this. MALIBU You want to talk about people holding each other back? That seems to be the first method of attack that people use against me, but in my eyes, you should look to those who surround you, Nathaniel. Do you really think that you'll ever get a chance to showcase those talents to their fullest as long as you hang around with Landon Maddix? Do you think you'll ever be taken seriously in this business, as something more than just a henchman? James Blonde and Faqu took two steps backwards when they aligned with Landon, and you need to look no further than Todd Cortez to see how Landon treats his so-called friends. If you want to be a breakout star, Nathaniel, then you need to BREAK OUT and... Now Black snatches the mic from Zack, drawing a chorus of jeers. BLACK No, no no. I am not going to play this game with you, Zack. You don't need to worry about my circle of friends, and you're certainly not going to brainwash me. It's really simple, Zack. One plus one equals two. You and me, in a match, anytime, anywhere, so that I can prove to these people, to those wrestlers in the back, and to YOU that I AM BETTER THAN YOU! Zack, angered by the brashness of Black, steps back and motions for him to come on. The crowd support is fully in favor of Malibu, as he waits for Black to approach, ready to take him up on his offer to see who the best in the business truly is. BLACK Now wait just a second, Zack. Despite the fact that I know you have to play the role and look like you're ready to throw down, it's not going to happen tonight. Thunderous boos follow Black's announcement, as Zack remains in the ready position, waiting for Black to step up and back up his claims. BLACK I'm going to be nice about this one, Zackary. I'm going to give you time to think about what you're going to be getting into, to prepare yourself for your day of reckoning. We're not at 100 percent, you or I. I wouldn't be fair for me to take advantage of you tonight, in front of these people. As fitting as it would be for me to embarrass you this weekend in your homeland, I'm going to take the high road. I want you at your best, Zack. I want you to rest up another week, get back on your feet after what we just went through, and THEN, you'll find out firsthand just how badly I want...no, how badly I NEED to prove to you and all these sheep that follow you that my potential will not go untapped. One week, Zack, until you come face to face with your worst enemy...the future. Smiling a cocky smile is usually Zack's signature, but for now, Nathaniel Black uses the technique as he drops the mic at Zack's feet and walks past his rival. Before exiting the ring, Black holds up one finger...not the one you might be thinking of, but one to signify that in one week's time, these two will lock up one on one for the first time ever. As Black heads to the back, Zack steams in the ring, and we then close the scene as we fade out to our first commercial break. NEW AT OAOASTSHOP! Leon Rodez, Silky Smooth Apparrel Be Silky. Be Smooth. Be Whatever. Just Give Us Yo' Damn Money!

Getting backstage fresh from his match, Leon Rodez is greeted by Miss M. Nerdly. To his surprise, that 'M' doesn't stand for Maggie. And just as surprisingly perhaps, it doesn't stand for Melody either. No, out of the hundreds of possible names that fit the criteria, it's that of Molly Nerdly he bumps into. With her is Mackenzie DeCenzo and the two Enterprise women don't exactly seem like the people Leon wants to encounter. MACKENZIE You know, I never thought that Ned and Simon's version of To Catch A Predator would become a long-running series. But, this is the world of professional wrestling I suppose. LEON Excuse me? MACKENZIE We have some information you might be interested in. Isn't that right Molly? Molly, distracted with some internal repairs needed on her digital camera, just nods, not looking at Leon eye to eye. LEON You know, I doubt that somehow Mackenzie. MACKENZIE Don't speak too soon. You see, it seems you're not the only half of your relationship who's willing to have their cake and eat it. Molly here happened to be outside setting up come camera footage for a potential reality series documenting my life in the business world. I can't say too much for contractual reasons. But, imagine our surprise when Molly had to cut just as I was leaving my limousine, because wandering into the back of the footage were your precious girlfriend... well, one of them, the official one at least... arm in arm with of all people, Reject! Looking sceptical, Leon glances around him. LEON What is this? Some sort of scam, a set-up? MACKENZIE No scam, no set-up. Let's call it... 'reel talk'. We'll happily let the reel do the talking if you don't believe us. LEON Don't bother. You haven't got the best record for having an impartial view on things, so I'll take this all with a pinch of salt and talk to Maggie myself if it's all the same. Thanks for the 'tip-off' though. Much appreciated. Leon begins to head off, before coming to a stop. LEON Oh, by the way... don't worry about getting dumped by Alix. It happens to the best of us. MACKENZIE (through gritted teeth) Thank you. LEON She didn't by any chance do that thing with the camera hidden inside her... you know what, too personal. But, you know, if you ever want to compare stories and maybe or maybe not footage then you know where to find me. This time Leon does leave, to the relief of Mackenzie who has turned bright red with rage all of a sudden. MOLLY ...you know, if there was any footage, I could maybe... MACKENZIE Shut up. COACH Oh boy, some serious stuff about to go down. Leon's about to feel what it's like to get played! COLE This situation is nothing but unfortunate. I really hate to see this happen, to two people like Maggie and Leon. COACH Ah boo hoo. You watch them soap operas all day and when it happens in real life you get all mournful? This is the problem with having two relationships on the go, conducted on live TV! Sooner or later you're gonna get caught with your hand in, amongst other places, the cookie jar! COLE I really don't think that's what's happening, on either side of the equation. The OAOAST Event Tracker is Brought To You By Gillette-The Best a Man Can Get July 10th, 2008 - Birmingham, AL July 17th, 2008 - Nashville, TN July 24th, 2008 (Big Apple Spectacular) - New York! July 31st, 2008 - Richmond, VA

"THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The opening to "No Chance In Hell" plays as smoke fills the entrance stage. Spanish Fly is shown on the AngleTron posing in front of a Mexican flag with the words "SPANISH FLY" shown next to him in big white blocky letters. The crescendo hits, and a HUGE burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds starts playing. *No chance (No chance) That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* Out through the entrance way strides Spanish Fly with his arms raised overhead in early predictions of victory. Fly razzes out his tongue as he continues his walk to the ring, getting the unanimous thumbs down from the Oklahoma City crowd. Cuz you’ve got…NO CHANCE! (You’ve got no chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Got no chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!* BUFFER The following contest is a first round match in the Money In The Bank Tournament. Introducing first... from Tijuana, Mexico. Standing 4-foot-11 and weighing in at one hundred, seventy five pounds... he is the SSPPAAAAAAANNIIIISSSSHHHHHHHH... FFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Fly slides into the ring and continues to look extremely confident. Parading around the ring, he scales the turnbuckles and raises his arms once more. Little Fly makes the belt motion around his waist with a big smile. COLE It's all about the World Title here tonight... and the $500,000 to go with it. So, I guess it's only partly about the World Title. And even then, it's only a contract for a title shot... help me out here Coach? COACH Who, me? COLE You're welcome. Spanish Fly has seen ups and downs since losing his mask late last year, but definately more downs than up ever since his loss in Ultimate X to PRL. PRL went on to win the World Title at AngleMania as a result and Spanish Fly has been left out in the cold after the disbanding of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. He turned his back on his fans, on his best friend Colombian Heat and now he's got nobody. COACH ...when do you get to the positive part? COLE When Spanish Fly remembers how to win. COACH Harsh! Fly continues to antagonise the fans, before the crowd come to life as "Rock The Casbah" by Trust Company strikes up. Sweeping his purple and black robe through the entrance way is of course Leon Rodez, although not quite his usual jovial self. Sporting a fresh set of stitches on his forehead Leon makes his way to the ring with a little less outward energy than normal. BUFFER And his opponent! From Grand Rapids, Michigan... weighing two hundred, eighteen pounds. "THE GRAND RAPIDS GOLDEN CHILD"... ladies and gentlemen, he is "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLLLEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Leon Rodez getting a great reaction here in Oklahoma! But I'm sure he's still feeling the effects of War Games less than a week removed. And he was dealt a real slice of bad luck in the way the brackets were drawn, to have to compete in the tournament here tonight so soon after that war at The Bash. COACH He's obviously not going to be at 100%. Which could be just the advantage Spanish Fly needs. It's clear now why Fly is so confident, waving Leon daringly into the ring, eager to get the match underway. Climbing the ring steps, Leon takes no chances with the jumpy Fly and whips off his robe before actually entering the ring itself. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" COACH Man, this must be what a Nerdly family reunion sounds like. *DINGDINGDING!* Despite the bell having run, Leon is more than happy to camp out on the apron until Spanish Fly has been moved back by the referee. Fly continues to try and get a jump on him as he tries to enter though. So giving up, Leon drops back to the floor to converse with some lucky fans in the front row about the latest episode of The Office: An American Workplace. COACH Speaking of Nerdlys, where do you suppose Maggie and Reject are right now? COLE I don't know and to be honest it's not something I'd like to dwell on. Finally Fly is back, allowing Leon to enter the ring. The crowd support amps up again as the two men circle. Leon tries to coax Fly into locking knuckles but the opponent has other ideas, jumping right at Leon and targetting the cut on his head with punches! Momentum takes both men back into the ropes and referee Charles Robinson calls a break, to Leon's sure relief. Fly smirks as he retreats, while Leon checks his cut hasn't been re-opened. COLE It doesn't take long for Fly's strategy to materialise. No doubt he was watching War Games very closely, knowing this match was around the corner. The Silky Smooth One gets his head straight and moves back in for the lock-up again. This time they do lock-up and Leon shows he's still got something left post-War Games by shoving Fly clear across the ring! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Fly sits up with a lock of shock, as a Silky Smooth SUPER POSEDOWN~! ensues! COLE Rodezamania is running wild, brother! COACH Oh brother. COLE And that ought to serve as a bit of a wake-up call for Spanish Fly. Suddenly Fly doesn't look quite so confident with the way things are going and is now asking for Leon to be backed up. And now it's Leon's turn to put on the pressure, chasing Fly around the ring and waving at him with an imaginary fly swatter, forcing Fly to bail out to the floor to call a timeout! Boos rain down as Fly stalls for time, leaving Leon to wave the imaginary swatter Robinson's way. The boos distract Fly though, allowing Leon to weave through the ropes and grab a hold of his greasy Mexican hair to pull him back onto the apron! Fly responds with a shoulder thrust through the ropes and launches to the top rope. Springboard... and nobody home, as Leon ducks and covers. Fly lands on his feet, but when he turns around Rodez is waiting with a bionic elbow to the top of the head. And another. And another. And another! And yet another! The repeated elbows leave Fly dazed, staggering around the ring and walking right around into an Inverted Atomic Drop. Off the ropes, Leon follows up with a diving clothesline in the middle of the ring before making the cover... 1... 2... No! Leon quickly sends Spanish Fly off the ropes, catching him on the rebound with a standing dropkick! Another cover... 1... 2... No! Another irish whip sends Fly into a corner. There he nestles as Rodez comes charging, throwing himself forward knees first... Fly moves out of the way though, forcing Leon to pull out before hitting the turnbuckles. Fly lies in wait and delivers a dropkick as Leon turns around, rocking him back into the corner. Fly then springs up again, this time attempting a monkey flip, which doesn't come off leaving him to smack the back of his head off the canvas. COACH No fair, he had the ropes! COLE A resourceful counter if you ask me. Fly gets bowled over with another clothesline as he gets back to his feet, forcing him to bail out to the floor once more. COLE Things not going Spanish Fly's way, but does Leon have enough left in the tank to take advantage? We'll find out when we come back! (COMMERCIAL BREAK) Back live after that short break and there's no chinlocks here! The action remains fast paced, with Fly on the run and avoiding shots from Leon. An elbow is ducked, as is a clothesline, Fly going up looking for a crossbody block but getting caught! Smiling, Leon gets an idea and starts to spin around, twirling Spanish Fly through the air in an attempt to throw off his equilibrium. Which works, a little too well, as he ends up dizzying himself and BOTH men collapse once Leon sets Fly down! COLE The pace quickening and becoming just a little sickening here on HeldDOWN~! Both men take a few seconds to stop the arena from spinning before getting back to their feet. Leon grabs a hold of Fly by the arm and sends him for the ride again. On the rebound, Fly goes low with a baseball slide though and escapes through Leon's legs. Confused by the evasive move, Leon finds himself a step behind as he turns around and gets caught in the jaw with a spinning heel kick from Fly! COACH Great move! COLE Fly using that great speed to his advantage finally. Cover by Fly... 1... 2... No! Rolling away to the ropes Leon tries to get himself some time to recover, but Fly is right on his tail. Fly stomps away at Leon against the ropes before hanging him up on the middle rope and choking away with all his 175 pounds of body weight. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Fly breaks before the referee can really reprimand him, running the ropes and coming back with a dropkick to the back of the unsuspecting Golden Rapids Golden Child! COACH Leon looks drained already here Michael. He's nowhere near 100%, Fly might never have a better chance than this to beat him. Bringing Leon away from the ropes, Fly drops a leg and makes the cover... 1... 2... No! COLE But Leon has still got plenty of heart. The crowd get behind Leon again as Fly delivers another quick legdrop. He then leaves the ring and heads up top. As Fly gets momentarily distracted on the way up jawing with the fans, it allows Leon to climb back to his feet, delivering a shot to the gut up top. And another. Leon then begins to climb up the turnbuckles with Fly, which can only lead to bad things for the little guy and forces him to go to the eyes. Back down to his feet falls Leon, allowing Fly to come off the top with a high crossbody block... 1... 2... Kickout! Rolling to his feet, Fly strikes with a back elbow to stun Leon, then hits the ropes. The Grand Rapids Golden Child swings and misses with a clothesline, Fly coming back off the ropes and throwing his body at Leon again. Wrapping the legs around the body, he pushes off the canvas in a wheelbarrow position, looking for the Rube Goldberg Bulldog... but Leon reverses it into a Blue Thunder Powerbomb out of nowhere!!! "OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE IT'S DA BOOM! 1... 2... NO!! Leon falls back drained at not getting the three count. COLE Narrow kickout from Fly after a great reversal of fortunes from Silky Smooth, Leon Rodez! COACH Yeah but what more does he have left? He can't rely on counters and reversals forever. Both men come back to their feet, with Leon leading the way for his opponent. He wearily scoops and slams Fly by the ropes before heading up top. The Oklahoma City crowd rise to their feet, sensing the end as Leon gives the signal for the 450, steadying himself on the top rope... ...BUT GETS CROTCHED BY FLY!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Groans echo out, none louder than Rodez's as he sits with the steel turnbuckle wedged between his legs. Relieved, Fly pulls Leon's legs back into the ring and onto the middle ropes. Fly then climbs up the ropes himself and gives his own signal for the end, as he leaps up and snares Leon off the top with a Super Hurricanrana!! Leon comes down hard and Fly comes down on top, quickly reaching back for a leg... COLE Could have him! 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" And Fly ends up with a faceful of bottom turnbuckle for good measure. COLE Man, Fly almost upset the odds right there. COACH I think the odds are in Fly's favour if anything. I'm telling ya, Leon ain't right. COLE Well he can't be 100%, there's no way. Picking himself up, Fly scowls and stomps Leon in the back of the head a couple of times. Picking him back up, Fly then throws Leon face first into the turnbuckle. Fly delivers some more stomps, wearing Leon down in the corner. Irish whip is reversed though and it's Fly sent corner to corner. Rodez takes in a deep intake of oxygen before following after... but Fly has time to get both feet up into the chest! Down goes Leon, watched back to his feet by Fly who again throws himself into The Silky Smooth One's arms looking for the Rube Goldberg Bulldog... but again Leon has the counter, throwing Fly off... *CLANG* ...AND CAUSING HIM TO LAND CROTCHED ON THE MIDDLE TURNBUCKLE PAD!!! "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" FLY Fly rocks back and forth on the turnbuckle with his eyes bulging out of the sockets like something out of a Hannah Barbara cartoon. COLE There's a move to change your outlook on life! COACH Oh, that was horrible. That must feel like riding a rhinoceros bareback! Even Leon feels Fly's pain after that negative landing, walking over and patting Fly on the back asking him sincerely or perhaps not so sincerely if he's okay. Leon even goes so far as to help peel the rigamortised legs of the Tijuana native off the turnbuckle and back into the ring. Advised by Leon, Fly checks both his little guys are still in place and gives a very sore thumbs up. Leon seems relieved for Fly and even waits until Fly has stopped doubling over... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...before chopping him in the chest. COACH Oh yeah, what a gentleman! Go back to your two sister girlfriends you greedy bastard! COLE Coach. COACH I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just been a while since... COLE I know. I know. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Leon fires another knifedge into Fly's chest, before whipping him across the ring again. Despite the crotch pain Fly manages to prevent hitting the turnbuckles this time and goes up and over out of the corner. He mistimes his jump though and gets caught over Leon's shoulder, Rodez trying to shift him down into the backpack position! Fly fights free of the stunner though and shocks Leon with a schoolboy... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Fly almost steals it again with a quick roll-up! And look out here! On the way back up, Fly aims for Leon's head with a spinkick. Leon is able to duck the leg though, before connecting with a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels... *SMACK!* ...and turning Fly inside out with the enziguri! COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! COACH No, come on Fly! Leg hooked... 1... 2... NO! Beginning to breath heavily again, Leon crouches, waiting for Fly to get back up. Looking dis-orientated Fly struggles to get his feet right, staggering into Leon's clutches for an Exploder Suplex... NO! Fly fights his way out with elbows to the side of the head. COACH See, you keep talking about Leon's big heart and I guess to love two women you've gotta have a big heart. But Spanish Fly has the heart of a lion! Waiting for Leon to turn back his way, Fly leaps up and looks for a Hurricanrana... CAUGHT! Leon blocks the 'rana and leaves Fly hanging despairingly. Slowly, Leon then overhooks the left leg, then overhooks the right before dropping to one knee and applying the Liontamer!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE That lion heart is being tamed now though! COACH Oh no! Fly struggles for a second or two... *TAPTAPTAPTAP!* ...BUT INEVITABLY GIVES IT UP!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* Leon lets Fly go on the bell and slumps over to gain his breath before his hand is raised in a very popular victory. COLE Leon fights through fatigue and injury to advance, let's get the official word! BUFFER Your winner of the match, advancing in the Money In The Bank Tournament... "SILKY SMOOTH" LLLEEEEEOOOOONN RRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZ!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE And that means that in the quarter finals, it will be Leon Rodez to take on Reject one on one. A first time ever one on one meeting. COACH Assuming we don't see Leon and Reject settle some certain other differences between now and then that is! Relieved to have come through victorious, Leon salutes the Oklahoma crowd for their support. Leon then collapses and waves for somebody to carry him to the back to save his legs the walk. Apparantly OAOAST popularity only stretches so far though and Leon is forced to leave on his own diminished power like everybody else. COLE So Leon advances on one step closer to $500,000 and a guaranteed World Title shot. We'll have more HeldDOWN~! when we come back! The reason DVRs were invented. Check local listings for time and date.

I'll go ahead and delay the show another day.

OAOAST BACKTRACKER Tony Brannigan, interview stage, live. BRANNIGAN Alright, Oklahoma City, please join me in welcoming my guests this week, led by the Chief Executive Officer/Chairman of the Enterprise, THEODORE MONEYMAKER! They’ve been described as violators and instigators, and considering their actions this past Sunday night at the Great Angle Bash I tend to agree. Here are the dangerous duo of CPA and DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord Showered by a chorus of boos, a giddy Billion Dollar Heir points CPA and Bosley to the podium where Tony Brannigan stands tall looking sharp in his navy blue OAOAST blazer. COLE As our colleague Tony Brannigan alluded to, CPA and his new partner Detective Tango Bosley were victorious in their first bout together, soundly defeating the Christ Air Express to open the seventh annual Great Angle Bash, which you can revive courtesy of the encore presentation all month long on your cable or satellite provider. COACH I’d recommend buying the encore just to see MARV and MEL be treated like human ping-pong balls. Before the interview begins CPA and Detective Bosley search Tony Brannigan for weapons. The OAOAST Original at first complies, albeit begrudgingly, then becomes defiant once Bosley goes low. BRANNIGAN Get your hands off me! I have rights! MONEYMAKER BRANNIGAN Theodore Moneymaker, get your goons under control or you’ll be doing this interview yourself. CPA and Bosley cool it at Moneymaker’s request. After taking a moment to regain his composure Brannigan continues. BRANNIGAN As those who tuned in live on pay-per-view for the seventh annual Great Angle Bash know, Teddy, the men standing at your side thoroughly dominated the Christ Air Express in one of the most impressive debuts I’ve seen in all my years in this great sport. But as seems to be the case whenever you’re associated, it’s not without controversy because the last time we saw Tango Bosley… BOSLEY Detective Tango Bosley! BRANNIGAN I beg your pardon. DETECTIVE Tango Bosley! The last we saw him it was apart of the OAOAST First Responders Unit as a member of Rescue 911 with EMT Tim Cash. And they operated under 3 basic principles, none of which -- if I may be so blunt -- apply to your Enterprise: serve the public’s trust, protect the innocent and uphold the law. Obviously that’s no longer the case for him to be aligned with yourself. MONEYMAKER I’m going to ignore that snide remark and just say you’re WRONG, Brannigan. That’s what drew me to the man in the first place. Anybody’s who been watching him closely the past couple of months couldn’t help but me impressed by his willingness to go above and beyond the call of duty in order to give his team a chance to win. It’s not his fault he got stuck with a partner who’d rather receive handouts than work hard to better himself. People like that always stay down where they belong, see: The Christ Air Express. Now that Bosley’s serving my trust, protecting my Enterprise, upholding the law in our favor and has a partner who’s willing put in the effort it takes to rise to the top, well, the sky’s the limit not just for them but my Enterprise. Imagine the possibilities. We have 3 legit tag team combinations to vie for the titles currently held by TK and Reject. Mackie wouldn’t want to step in the ring with Malaysia, but since we like her and Mr. Dick, they’re fine by us. CW, my right hand man, can easily obtain any title he desires and you bet your last $5 I could be World Champion next week if I wanted. Then again, do we even have a World Champion? It’s looking like Hulk Hogan and 1993 all over again. BRANNIGAN Am I correct to assume Detective Bosley is officially a member of the Enterprise? MONEYMAKER Bosley works for hire. He’s what I like to call a specialist. That’s why I’ve hired him to lead my newly formed VICE division. BRANNIGAN VICE? MONEYMAKER Violators, Instigators and Capital E-ffenders. BWAHAHAHA!! BRANNIGAN With all due respect to them, it sounds to me like their sole purpose is to eliminate whoever may stand in your path to achieving total domination of the OAOAST. MONEYMAKER You know what they say, Brannigan. A couple of bad apples spoil the whole bunch. We learned that all too well with Anglesault. It’s a problem you and everyone else won’t have to worry about with VICE around. MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" CPA and Detective Bosley jump in front of Theodore Moneymaker as EMT TIM CASH steps onto the podium. EMT TIM I’m not here for morally bankrupt there; I’m here for the backstabber, Tango Bosley. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” BOSLEY EMT TIM What the hell, man?! You’ve gone and sold your soul to the devil in the smoking jacket? Why, man? We were well on our way. BOSLEY I don’t have to answer to you, you Brannigan, and you people. But the only thing we were well on our way to was the unemployment line had I not done some soul searching. CPA Shit, man. Let’s just start cracking heads. BOSLEY I like the way you think. Bosley whips out a TELESCOPIC BATON and whacks Tim’s knee! With Tim crumbled on the podium Bosley and CPA do a number on him. Bosley working his partner over with the baton as Theodore Moneymaker watches on, laughing his ass off. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” OAOAST officials scramble out from the back to break things up, but the damage has been done. COLE Oh, man. What a wild night it’s been. Fans, we desperately need to take a break to restore order in the arena. JULY 21st, LIVE ONLY ON TSM ONE THURSDAY NIGHT THAT CAN'T BE HELDDOWN~!

COLE Back from commercial, let's head to the ring! *DING DING* "King Kong" starts up, and out comes Faqu! Bandaged up on his forehead from Sunday's massacre in the cage, he has a constant scowl on his face. His eyes never leave the ring, as he stalks his way to battle... BUFFER From the Isle of Samoa, weighing in at 301 pounds... he is Cucaracha International's Samoan Wrecking Ball....FAAAAAAQUUUUUUUU! COACH You might be looking at the most dangerous man in this company and he's angry! He went through the cage on Sunday, he was shown to maybe not be invincible...and he's out to prove the myth wrong! BUFFER His opponent already in the ring, from West Lafayette, Indiana at a weight of 138 pounds...Cooper Riley! COLE Well, I want to congratulate young Cooper on showing enough heart to graduate beyond the OAOAST's training school and the dark matches before these shows...and I hope someone writes something nicer for him at his funeral! *DING DING* Faqu stands in mid-ring, just staring at his tiny foe. Cooper looks around at the crowd, clearly afraid of this monster. Finally, after a few moments that probably felt like forever, Cooper nuts up and throws a dropkick...and literally bounces off of him! Faqu didn't feel a thing! Cooper looks up at the monster from the ground and is confused and scared. He pops up, comes off of the ropes, and goes for a bodypress...and AGAIN just bounces off of the monster! Riley scoots away from the monster, clearly in disbelief! Faqu roars at his much smaller opponent, as Cooper decides to go to the top rope! COLE What's this kid doing? Cooper Riley launches himself off of the top rope, going for a flying hurricanrana...but Faqu catches him! The crowd reacts with just a sea of noise, wondering what's going to happen...he holds Riley up for a few seconds, then drops him on his neck and shoulders with a DISGUSTING powerbomb! Faqu screams wildly as he yanks the kid up easily by the hair, then shoves him into a corner. He Irish whips Riley so hard into the opposite corner that, upon impact, he bounces off and lands on his ass on the canvas. Faqu yells "SAMOAAAAAA!" and then hits his patented Running Ass! COACH Proof that you NEVER go ass to mouth! Faqu looks down on his prone opponent, then grabs him by the ankles. He yanks up on Riley's ankles so hard that he comes flying up in the air and gets dropped by another Faqu powerbomb! Faqu pulls Riley up, as the crowd screams from the shock of the impact of the powerbomb. Faqu shoves Cooper Riley into the corner, then slaps him in the face as hard as humanly possible! COLE He just made a gunshot noise with that man's face! Faqu follows up with a hard chop, then another slap! Chop, slap, chop, slap, chop, all with the same arm...then he delivers a slap to the face so hard that it busts up Riley's nose! The crowd's noise gets much quieter, almost as if they're in shock and awe from the violence. There's still a murmur though, as Faqu hooks Riley and tosses him out of the corner with a sick High Angle Side Suplex! Faqu gets up growling, as his opponent lays, almost lifeless. You can see a bloodstain forming on the canvas where Riley's nose is leaking blood. Faqu pulls up Riley by the hair, then sends him off with an Irish whip. Cooper Riley comes off of the ropes, then gets tossed straight up in the air, the obvious landing being for a Samoan drop...but the force of the throw sending him so high causes him to somehow end up coming upside down and as he lands on Faqu, he gets driven to the canvas on his head! COACH OH (bleep)! The crowd is now in complete silence, as they see the kid's face, covered in blood at this point from the nose dripping so much blood, and him just being driven on his head. Faqu's not done yet, as he pulls Riley up and hooks his arms behind the top rope to stand him up. Faqu postures back, then hits a Thrust Kick SO hard that you can hear a dull "THUD!" throughout this sold-out arena! COLE What the hell? Someone stop this! The impact of the blow sends Riley through the ropes, but he's laid out on the apron. Faqu stands in mid-ring, thinking that he's literally murdered this man, and screams in victory. All of a sudden...Cooper Riley starts crawling back in! COLE STAY DOWN, KID! STAY DOWN! He crawls slowly towards Faqu, who's too angry to be dumbfounded. Riley gets to Faqu and reaches up, trying to climb his opponent's body to assist himself to his feet. Faqu grabs Cooper's arm, then hooks him for Death by Samoan! But, he doesn't drop him with the piledriver. Instead, he backs up into a corner behind him, then runs across the ring while holding Riley up completely upside-down and avalanches his body in the corner! Faqu's so strong that the impact of the move doesn't break his grip. He carries Cooper Riley away from the corner, comes back to mid-ring with Cooper in the hold still, then drops him on his head with Death By Samoan! COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING DING* COACH ...mercifully... BUFFER Your winner....FAAAAAAAAAAQUUUUUU! COLE Pure destruction...this was insane! Faqu exits the ring, looking exactly the same as he came in. As he heads towards the locker room, officials and EMT's come rushing to the ring to assist his opponent. COACH Faqu is victorious..but I think he might have left a man dead while doing so. ************* ("Orange Crush" by R.E.M. starts up, as Sly Sommers heads to the ring. He's got a noticable limp and bruising around his left eye, with a bandage on his forehead.) *YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!* COLE This crowd is hot folks... COACH And for good reason: Sly Sommers lead his team to a successful War Games victory on Sunday, but not without its casualties. I think every single participant of the match who's shown up tonight is scarred and bruised! COLE Think of it this way: Sly was one of the WINNERS, and he looks like he just lost a fight! Sly walks to the ring with a microphone, soaking in the cheers from the crowd... COLE Let's quiet down, as Sly is prepared to give his big speech... SLY Wow...thanks. I'm serious...I needed to hear that. I didn't even know if I'd be getting out of bed this morning to come here...mostly because I couldn't feel my left arm! *giggles to himself* But seriously...Sunday night was a monumental occasion. Lives were changed in that cage. Boys became men and men became legends. Every single man in that match, regardless of how we feel about each other...we tore the mother up! I have to give thanks to big Bohemoth...the dude saved mine and Zack's asses and put his own on the line with that tackle through the cage. Maaaaan...the carnage was just insane! More importanly for me, not only did my team win...I got to kick that stinkin' smirk off of your face, James Cone! *YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!* SLY I busted out the School's Out and it felt great to watch you crumble to a heap! By the way...thanks Zack. *salutes to the camera* The only bad thing about Sunday night was that I didn't rip your head off and force-feed it to your partner, Faqu! That ties into what I'm out here for tonight. They wanted a victory speech and that was about as much as I can say about Sunday night because the violence speaks for itself. Let's look to the future...I see we have that huge Big Apple Spectacular coming up on July 24th and be for certain: if I'm going to be at that show, I'm going to do something monumental. James Cone...we conquered over your team on Sunday in the cage. But now, I want personal satisfaction. I'm out for blood, and I'm out for yours! I know you aren't here tonight, but be for certain: Thursday night, July 24th will be a special night. James Cone fans, set your DVR's and record the show because that will be the last time you will see Cone in this ring as an active participant! (Suddenly, an image comes up on the big screen. It's James Cone, live from his house, with bandages over his nose, bruised eyes, and a scar on his forehead.) CONE Hey Sly! Hey! Look at me! I knew you were going to say what you just said; I have sources. So, I requested the camera crew come out here and the OAOAST spend more money to get satellite time for MY rebuttal. It's real simple, man: you did NOT beat me on Sunday! Your team might have won, but I was not the loser in the fall and you were not the winner! According to my recollections, I've beaten you in singles competition and you've never beaten me! Plus, I called up to OAOAST Headquarters on Monday to get the rankings after the Bash and guess what? The matchmakers agree with me! I'm currently the number-five ranked contender for the World Title and you're number nine! This gives me the power to turn down any match with you, without punishment from the highers-up. *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!* CONE If we wrestle, I have to agree to it. I'm not going to, pal. You're yesterday's news. You hit me with that superkick, big deal! You couldn't even do it right! I've hit you with multiple superkicks and knocked your ass out...you missed my jaw completely and broke my nose! So the answer is no: The Big Apple Spectacular will go without a Sly Sommers/James Cone match, much like every other show in the OAOAST's distant future will! I'm done, answer given, cut me off! *Feed cuts* SLY Fine...I guess it means I have to use my little pea-brain to scheme something, because I guarentee you: we will be in this ring together one of these days, one-on-one, and I will HURT YOU! ("Orange Crush" starts back up, and Sly climbs out of the ring, heading to the back) COLE This is interesting...the whole point of that was a challenge, and James Cone already denied it! In any event, earlier this week at Krista Isadora Duncan's Beverly Hills compound, student filmmaker Molly Nerdly filmed the latest happenings in the life of the ever popular Duncan Girls. TAPED WEDNESDAY JULY 2ND KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN'S HOME LOS ANGELES After Molly's fancy student grant provided helicopter flies over the Beverly Hills compound, our view switches to a slow stroll to Krista's modernist kitchen: Except there are people in here! Maya sits at the clear glass kitchen table tying her flowing blond hair into a ponytail. Her bright red soccer jersey reflects beautifully off the surrounding glass, making her seem the dominant figure in the shot. Adding to Maya's dominance is Jade's low key soft colored outfit of grey track pants and a white Love Generation babydoll shirt. Krista's oldest leans against the counter, listening with some curiosity to a voice message on the phone. JADE Maya, who's this Conway guy who keeps calling here asking for you? Maya doesn't even bother to pause from styling her hair, answering in the most casual way possible. MAYA Conway Gallagher. He loves me. MOLLY What middle schooler would not? MAYA Exactly. But I'm not at all interested. MOLLY My, what a wise young lady you are! You know what they say about a person with two first names, god only knows what awaits those who invest trust in someone with two last names. MAYA He's just not that interesting a guy. JADE What's wrong with him? MAYA He doesn't have a facebook for starters and enders. JADE So? That unbelievable comment, so lacking in its understanding of basic youth culture, finally causes Maya to stop working with her hair and turn to Jade in shock. Thanks to some fine cinematography from Molly, Maya's blond locks are given an angelic quality by the beams of sun that shine through the window. A+ for this internship! MAYA Its 2008, who doesn't have a Facebook? Wake up and log on, Conway! It takes like two seconds to make that thing, the only reason you wouldn't have it is because no one would friend you 'cause you have no friends. JADE That's not true. I don't have a facebook. MOLLY Yes, that's her point. JADE I have friends. MAYA Names. JADE Um, Leon. MAYA He's your brother...cousin...uncle? JADE Its hard, I know. MOLLY He most assuredly does not count. Family is barred from this discussion. Unless they're imaginary family. MAYA Why would you need to make up imaginary family members? You have eight sisters. MOLLY Spend some time with them, and you will truly know why. JADE Uh...Maggie is my friend. So is Melody. MAYA Melody is trying to nab Leon from Maggie, right? Jade jerks her head back as though she were the one being accused of girlfriend nabbing. JADE We don't really know that! MAYA Whatever! I wouldn't trust that girl. She plays dorky and innocent, but she knows exactly what she's doing. If Gossip Girl teaches us anything its that, your friends and family are only around to stab you in the back right before a two minute commercial break. JADE Back to Conway, I think you should give him a chance. MOLLY I do believe it would be in the boy's best interest if you stayed far away from him, before your mother castrates him. JADE Just because he doesn't have a facebook doesn't mean he's a bad guy or a loser. And if he is a loser, so what? Some of the coolest people I've ever met were losers. MOLLY And whom might they be? JADE Like..um..many proud graduates of loserdom..uh...just give him a chance! MAYA No chance, old woman, I am not hanging out with him, I am blocking his texts, and if he comes near me in the cafeteria he'll be spending fourth period pulling a tray full of taco salad out of his pants. I'd pay Molly's sister to hack his facebook but oh wait, he doesn't have one. JADE Old woman?! I'm only a couple years older than you. Maya laughs at Jade's incredulous response. MAYA Hey, are you still gonna drive me to soccer? JADE These old bones and this terrible arthritis makes it kind of hard to grip the steering wheel. But I'll try. Go on and get ready. Maya scurries out of the room to fetch her cleats, because only a disgusting slob would let their child wear cleats in the house. As she enters the room, she passes Alix, who gives a playful rub on the head, totally destroying Maya's carefully crafted ponytail/braid combo. Alix, in a Chris Pronger Ducks jersey, approaches with unusual caution, and her voice is an odd whisper. ALIX Hey, Jade, are we like cool and stuff? With Maya being exactly like Krista, Jade figures it'll be a good half hour before she can return her hair the way she wants, and so sits down with time to kill. JADE Uh, why wouldn't we be? ALIX I've been thinking, which isn't usually a good thing, that's how I wound up wanted in six South American countries and the head of the Hitler Youth. But you know, like, I kinda did a really mean thing you a few months ago. Like, its my fault you're here. I told Mackenzie you were Krista's kid, and I didn't know she'd tell Moneymaker, but she did and things just went, totally crazy. I was so mad at Krista, that I put you in a really crappy position, and I kind of ruined your life. JADE You didn't ruin my life! ALIX Yeah, but, like, if I hadn't said anything to Mackie about you being Krista's daughter, everything would still be nice and chill for you. JADE But it wouldn't be real. My life might be calmer if I never found out Krista was my mom, but it would be a lie. I love my grandparents in Grand Rapids, but I love my mom to. I love being with her. Its been hard, its been hectic, and its been a major adjustment for me, and I'm still having trouble with it. I feel like I have so much to live up to, and I don't know if I can actually do it. But, I wouldn't trade it for my old life. Not at all. Things may be hard to handle sometimes, but beneath it all, I'm happy with my mom and my sister. ALIX The way you found out, with, like, Moneymaker, that was soooo sucky, though. Like, I felt bad for you, and I still feel bad. JADE It was bad and it hurt for quite a while. But I'm glad that I know the truth. And you don't have anything to apologize for. I'm happy that you're back. ALIX So you don't wanna just up and slug me in the stomach? JADE Nope! ALIX Gnarly! Then I won't be needing this! Alix takes off her hockey jersey to reveal a bullet proof vest, which she discards with just as much thought as the hockey jersey. As Jade wonders what type of super strength Alix thinks she owns, the brunette makes an odd hand motion towards the window. JADE What was that hand motion for? ALIX Ohhhhhh nothin much! I just had some snipers strategically placed on the grounds to shoot you if you laid a hand on me. They're gone now! Gone back to their duty of making sure Terry doesn't rummage through the underwear drawers. Dude, like, I already know Shayne and Tyler are the official government sponsored panty inspectors around this house, who does he think he's fooling? JADE Um... Before Jade can inform Alix that “panty inspector” might be another term for “stalker”, Krista glides into the room. KRISTA Jade, honey, you're gonna take Maya to soccer practice, right? JADE Yes. I promised her I would. KRISTA Oh, honey, that's abfab! Do you know why I love having an older daughter? ALIX I dunno, so you can shove of your mommy duties on her, and load up with Mermosas and Valium and watch John and Kate Plus 8 on TLC all day. KRISTA Those kids are adorable, aren't they! ALIX Oh my god, I know! We should have one of our own. KRISTA I'm not sure I'm really ready for one of us to get pregnant... ALIX Pregnancy? What are ya talkin about? I just meant steal one of their kids! JADE Mom, I have something to tell you. Something very important. Very. KRISTA Ahhhh, here it is. The day every mother comes to dread with every fiber in her being. The day that you look at your daughter with eyes flooding with searing tears, mouth quivering, and you wonder, “where, god, where did I go wrong.” I did all the right things for her, I sent her to an all girls' school, I enrolled her in golf and tennis lessons, I compared cutting cucumbers to chopping off the penis of our oppressors, I cut her hair into a buzzcut and dressed her in flannel until she was 10, and yet my daughter is heterosexual! Here, Jade, here! (Krista grabs a blender off the counter) Put my bleeding heart into this Krista Isadora Duncan endorsed and designed Cusinart blender available at fine department stores across this great land, God Bless America, land of the free home of the brave. Put it in! Jade stands up and takes a deep breath, just stalling for time before she makes her large announcement. JADE I'm not a heterosexual. I mean, I am, but that's not important! What I want to say, is that I want to concentrate on becoming the OAOAST's women's champion. ALIX Wait wait wait a minute Mister Postrman! There's a women's championship? Like, for really real? Awww dude, I've been wrestling dudes like Logan, and Jock, who look like they oughta wear a helmet and a drool cup, when I could've been poppin bottles of Hennessy and gettin my freak on with Melody? Oh lawd, just stab a bitch with da truth!! KRISTA Yes, well, honey, as a Jew I'm very encouraged by your quest to obtain a valuable precious metal from a woman named after a country with a majority Muslim population. But, as your mother, I don't know... Jade looks disappointed with Krista's lack of enthusiasm. JADE You think its a bad idea. KRISTA Bad idea: casting Brandon Fraser in any role that isn't wearing a chicken suit in front of Rosco's Chicken and Waffles offering coupons for free buckets of drumsticks to passerbys. This isn't a bad idea...this is an idea. I have good paint, and I have a bad paint, I just don't know which one to paint this idea with! ALIX Ooooh oooh oooh, paint is epic! Its sooooo my favorite food. Oh my god, dudes, for real, where else can you find a low carb taste treat and a gateway to a universe where unicorns rule with an iron fist and man is hunted for sport and pleasure? KRISTA Jade, where was such a fantastic thought was born? When I took you to the WNBA game it was to see if you could hook up with Candace Parker on the downlow, not to get all Million Dollar Baby on me. JADE This is something I want to do. For you. When Grandmother..is it safe to call her that, she doesn't have spies here does she...when she talks about you, think of all the great stuff she can say. My daughter had her own television show, my daughter has wrote five New York Times Best Sellers, my daughter was on the cover of Vogue, my daughter was named the sexiest woman alive. I don't even think she knows what an OAOAST is but imagine if she did! What can you say about me? I slaughtered Leon at Children's Trivial Pursuit. Big deal, I read all the answers before hand and I spiked his drink. What can you say about me? KRISTA That I love you very much. JADE I want you to be able to say more. I can't act, so that's out. I can't sing. ALIX You can't do fitness videos, because ya got fatty-fat-fat thighs. You can't do runway modeling because ya got those fat thighs, and when you walk they kinda, like, rub together and make that super weird noise. Molly, how's it go? MOLLY Creeeek-creeeek-creeeeek. ALIX Naaah, its more like Sqqqqqueeeek-Sqqqqqueeeeek-Sqqqqqueeeeek. Do we have any fried chicken around? Just kind of rub the drum sticks together really fast, you'll get the sound! Molly must've gotten bored in the editing room, because cartoon smoke begins rising from Jade's head JADE We get the point. I have huge, enormous, greasy, blubbery, disgusting, Kentucky fried thighs! Mom all that's left is wrestling. I have to do this. KRISTA Jade, baby, maybe you don't understand because you're not a mom, but none of that matters. I love you because of who you are, not what you are. The only thing you have to do to make me proud is be you! ALIX And never have sex with a man. KRISTA Obviously. JADE I'm sorry, mom, but I've made up my mind. I want that title and I'm going after Malaysia. And you can't stop me. No, You could actually. Very easily to. Hopefully you won't!

"YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" LIVE! OKLAHOMA CITY, OK We return from break to the sight of 15,000+ screaming fans mugging for the camera and holding up signs. Then it's over to Michael Cole and The Coach seated at Sofa Central. COLE Coming off a hot Great Angle Bash, we opened the show with a sizzling confrontation between Zack Malibu and Nathaniel Black. The Franchise sticking up for America, the OAOAST and himself, Johnathan Coachman. COACH Whatever happened to free speech? The United States has an image problem, which Theodore Moneymaker is trying to change, by the way, and Zack Malibu did nothing to discredit the notion we're warmongers. But tonight we kick startthe Money in the Bank tournament to determine the #1 contender for the OAOAST Championship...which we believe is still held by Tha Puerto Rican...to go along with a HALF A MILLION DOLLAR cash prize put up by your friend and mine, Theodore Moneymaker! COLE You got a little something on your nose, Coach. COACH I do? The Coach wipes his nose. COLE No, it's still there. Coach wipes it again. COACH What about now? COLE Nope, still there. Third time the charm for Coach? COACH There? COLE I'm sorry. Your head is so far up Theodore Moneymaker's ass it's going to take more than a couple of wipes to get rid of that crap. COACH COLE COACH What do you say we just get the damn show started? COLE Sounds good to me. Here we go with our first Money in the Bank match! Renegade hits, and Reject walks through the curtains, with a focused look on his face as he walks down the aisle. BUFFER The following contest is a first-round Money in the Bank tournament match, scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, representing the Deadly Alliance, and hailing from the Bronx, weighing in at 235 pounds...he is one half of the OAOAST World tag team champions...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEJEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECT!!!!! COLE And this should be a dandy right here, as Reject is set to take on Jamie O'Hara, who had a big night this past Sunday, winning the Land of Opportunity battle royal, then putting up a great effort against the U.S. Champion Colombian Heat immediately after! COACH Well, I don't know if even being fresh is going to benefit him in this match, Cole! Reject is on a roll right now, as is the entire Deadly Alliance! Reject stops to stare down a fan who made contact with him that he didn't appreciate, then climbs into the ring and poses on the ropes. He then stares down the aisle as Fix Up, Look Sharp hits, and Jamie O'Hara comes down the aisle, to a massive reaction from the crowd. BUFFER His opponent...from Birmingham, England, weighing in at 176 pounds..."THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY", JAMIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAA!!!!! COLE Warm reception as always for Jamie O'Hara, as Reject waits in the ring! O'Hara enters the ring, and acknowledges the fans, then the referee checks both men, and calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Reject and O'Hara circle the ring, and tie up. Reject goes to a rear waistlock, but O'Hara quickly rolls to the mat, tossing Reject across the ring! COLE Nice escape of the rear waistlock right away by Jamie O'Hara! Reject slowly gets to his feet, and moves in for another tie-up, but delivers a kick to the gut. Reject whips O'Hara into the ropes, and goes for a clothesline, but O'Hara ducks, then takes down Reject with an armdrag! Reject gets to his feet and charges O'Hara, but is caught in a drop toehold! O'Hara then catches Reject with a dropkick, sending him over the top to the floor! COLE And early on, it's Jamie O'Hara the one on a roll, Coach! COACH It's still early, Cole. O'Hara's gonna get caught one of these times, and once Reject gets control, he's gonna take him down! Reject tries to catch his wind, but O'Hara follows him out. Reject runs around the ring, with O'Hara in hot pursuit, then rolls in the ring, quickly getting to his feet, then driving an elbow into O'Hara as he rolls through! COACH Haha! COLE Smart move by Reject, obviously playing possum with Jamie O'Hara there, luring him into that attack! Reject sets O'Hara up on the second rope, and plants a knee into his back, choking him on the rope, and breaking at the referee's four-count. Reject then runs to the ropes, and leaps onto O'Hara, still laying across the middle rope! Reject then poses for the crowd, to boos. COACH See, what did I tell you, Cole? O'Hara in big trouble here! Reject covers... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE But far from being out of it! Reject picks up O'Hara, and whips him into the ropes. Reject executes a leapfrog, then drops down for a reverse monkey flip, but O'Hara blocks with the ropes, and drops a fist onto Reject! COLE And that time it was Reject telegraphing the move! Reject gets to his feet, holding his face, and O'Hara springboards to the middle rope, then bounces back, catching Reject with a modified sleeper drop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! O'Hara then whips Reject into a corner, and charges, but Reject gets the foot up! COLE And this one going back and forth early! Reject tosses O'Hara to the outside, and follows him out, whipping him into the steel steps! COLE Wow, what impact into those steel steps by Jamie O'Hara! Reject climbs back inside and poses some more, once again to boos. He waits for O'Hara to get up to the apron, then snapmares him over the top rope. O'Hara rolls up to a sitting position, and Reject delivers a seated dropkick to the back, and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject then jumps in the air, and comes down with a knee to the sternum! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject picks up O'Hara, and attempts to ram him into the buckle, but O'Hara blocks, and rams Reject in! COLE O'Hara starting to fight back once again! O'Hara climbs to the second rope in the corner, and delivers punches as the crowd counts along! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! Reject shoves O'Hara off, then catches him with a back elbow as he charges back. He then whips O'Hara into the ropes, but O'Hara ducks a clothesline and catches him with a flying bodypress! 1... 2... Kickout! Reject gets up and attempts a clothesline, but O'Hara ducks, then hands Reject his foot, as he delivers a reverse spin kick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! O'Hara then hops onto Reject's shoulders from behind in attempt at an Inverted Hurricanrana, but Reject walks to the ropes, and dumps O'Hara backwards off his shoulders all the way to the floor! COLE/COACH Reject leans on the ropes, looking down on O'Hara and smiling. COACH What a fall O'Hara took right there, we could have a countout right here, Cole! However, Reject climbs to the top rope. COLE We could very well, but it looks like Reject wants to continue the punishment! Reject waits on O'Hara to slowly get to his feet, then comes down with a double axhandle! Reject gets to his feet just in time to catch a fan's beer in the face. COACH What hospitality on the part of these fans, offering up their cold drinks to cool Reject off! COLE I don't think that was a gesture of goodwill on the part of one of our fans right there. Reject rolls O'Hara back inside, then climbs to the top once again, and floors him with a MISSILE DROPKICK~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE But Jamie O'Hara still not done fighting! Reject picks up O'Hara, grabbing him by the head, then running and jumping over the ropes to the floor, clotheslining him on the top rope! Reject slides back in and covers... 1... 2... NO! Kickout! Reject sets up O'Hara in the corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! But O'Hara fights back with a right hand! COLE Look at this! O'Hara delivers a couple more weak shots, before Reject delivers a knee to the midsection and follows up with a snap suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject whips O'Hara into a corner, and charges, but O'Hara gets the foot up! O'Hara then delivers a foot to the gut, and hops to the second rope, delivering a BLOCKBUSTER~! COLE Oh, SNAP~! COACH Where is this guy getting it? Both men lay on the mat, as the referee counts... 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! O'Hara sits up, then starts to get to his feet, as Reject pulls himself up using the ropes. Reject makes his way over to O'Hara, who blocks a right hand, and fires off one of his own, then starts delivering kicks, finishing up with a big jumping spin kick! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! O'Hara runs to the ropes, catching Reject around the head, then spinning around and dropping him with a DDT! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! COACH And now Reject showing some grit here! O'Hara drags Reject over to the corner, then sets him up, springing onto the ropes, and catching him with a MOONSAULT INVERTED DDT~! Cover... 1... 2... NO!!! Shoulder up! COLE Oh man, I thought that was it! O'Hara picks up Reject and whips him into the ropes, catching him in a tilt-a-whirl...but Reject spins through to his feet, then scoops up O'Hara, planting him with a TOMBSTONE~! COLE Tombstone piledriver, what a counter from Reject! Reject slowly gets to his feet, then puts his hands on his knees, as O'Hara gets to his feet. COACH Uh-oh, Reject's setting him up! Reject grabs O'Hara around the face, but O'Hara shoves him into the ropes, and delivers a kick to the midsection, then starts to set up a BLACK RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP, but as he grabs the arm of Reject, Reject brings it up and hooks him, dropping him with the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 in one fluid motion! COLE There it is, the Eulogy out of nowhere! Cover... 1... 2... 3!!! COACH YES~! COLE And Reject has advanced to the second round! BUFFER The winner of the match, advancing in the tournament...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEJEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECT!!!!! COLE One half of the tag team champions scoring a big singles win here, despite the best efforts of Jamie O'Hara, and Reject will advance to the Quarterfinals of the Money in the Bank tournament! COACH Is there any stopping the Deadly Alliance right now, Cole? They're looking to possibly have three of the eight quarterfinalists in this tournament! COLE And one is already there officially, and it is Reject! We cut abruptly backstage to find Jade Rodez backstage, tapping away at her phone. Her care-free game of Solitaire is interrupted by Maggie Nerdly however. MAGGIE Jade. Hey, can we talk? JADE Um, okay. So, are we talking about D*LUX or Krista or... MAGGIE No no, no interviewsies! I mean talk talk. You know, like real people. Non interview people. Look, I'm probably gonna sound majorly parranoid here but to be honest I don't care. Please can you talk to Leon for me? Find out what's going on between him and Melody once and for all, you'll know when he lying and when he isn't. JADE I thought you guys were sorting all this out? MAGGIE We were! And we were supposed to be sorting out last week too, but guess where Leon ended up? Playing video-games with Melody and those other morons she's used her 'charms' on. Jade scrunches up her face. JADE Aren't two of those morons her brothers? MAGGIE Probably, how would I know? Point is, I didn't see Leon at all after War Games and I thought we were supposed to go out and do something. He called me up Monday morning, said he went out partying with Zack and Bo afterwards and stayed out all night. Spur of the moment thing apparantly. Everybody knows Zack and Bo don't like each other, you really think that's where he actually was? Cause I've got my doubts lemme tell ya. JADE Maggie, I really don't wanna get involved. MAGGIE Then pray tell, what exactly do you suggest I do to stop your uncle from running off with my sister? JADE Uh... you're asking me for relationship advice? MAGGIE In my defence I'm very desperate! Sighing, Jade stands up and pats Maggie on the arm. JADE If Lee's really not showing as much interest as he used to, it's probably because he's forgotten what he's got. So, I dunno, remind him of what he's missing. That oughta do it. (looks down at phone) Anyway, I've gotta run. Good luck! As Jade scuttles off Maggie is left to soak in her advice, mulling it over in her head... REJECT Well well, a welcoming party! ...just as Reject saunters through the curtains after his successful victory. Still sweating from his action under the hot lights Reject wipes some beads from his brow and flicks them to the ground. REJECT I guess you wanna know what I'm gonna do with that $500,000? Well, I can thi... MAGGIE No no, no interviewsies! I, uh... actually wanted to take you up on that offer you made. REJECT (smiles) Is that so. MAGGIE Yes? ...I mean Yes! Yes. Hardly able to believe his luck, the World Tag Team Champion eventually realises this is actually happening and isn't his imagination, so he takes Maggie's hand and waves off into the distance showing her way he wants to take her. Maggie barely seems to believe either, able to believe what she's done that is. But she goes with it and she and Reject walk off, Reject saying something about a "great place down the street" he knows as they disappear. BACK TO SOFA CENTRAL COLE COACH Dayyum! I knew I shoulda made that bathroom break! That could have been Da Coach walking through those curtains and into them arms! COLE Certainly some most interesting developments going on. I really don't know what to make of that. * COMMERCIAL *

The Great Angle Bash A OAOAST ENTERTAINMENT Production DIRECTED BY Tony149 WRITTEN BY KC CCB EWC Tony149 Alfdogg Zack Malibu Patty O'Green GRAPHICS Patty O'Green Papacita OAOAST CREATED BY CWM Tony149 Anglesault © 2008 OAOAST Entertainment All Rights Reserved.

* DUN DUN DUN DUNNA, DUN DUN DUNNA * TV 14 L, V PRESENTED IN HD Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat on his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the computer...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid's shock and delight. THE OAOAST...WHAT THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD IS READING~! Fade in to a dressing room. The room is packed with referees, wrestlers, road hands, and assorted people with those laminated cards that you see in the back during promos who don't actually do anything. Their chatter is separate, but are combined, causing a loud-ish hum. Theodore Moneymaker stands at the head of the room, with CPA menacing eying down anyone who dares give him a disagreeable look. Despite the fact that half the attendees are stewing with disgust for him, Moneymaker stands with a casual confidence. MONEYMAKER Ladies and gentlemen, I am a friend to some of you, and an enemy to many of you. I feel love in this room, and yet I also feel an intense hatred. Tonight I ask you to put aside your selfish personal beliefs and look to a better future. Yesterday was dark, horrible, and painful. Tomorrow promises light, goodness, and pleasure. But only if we work together for a better OAOAST! And only if we lend our full support to our new OAOAST President. Please welcome this fine human being... The room slowly goes silent as a sharply dressed business woman walks past them and stands next to a desk, where she picks up a clipboard and starts checking things. Immediately behind her walks the NEW OAOAST PRESIDENT JOSIE BAKER!~!~ The fans erupt as she walks through the crowd of people, puffing away at her cigarette. She finally reaches the desk and sits, stubbing out her cigarette as she takes off her RAY-BAN WAYFARERS!~! and looks around at the crowd of people. All eyes are on her as she clears her throat and leans back. JOSIE Thank you, Theodore.. Ladies and gentlemen... I've traveled over half the country to be here tonight. I couldn't get away sooner because my new federation was coming in at Coyote Hills and I had to see about it. That fed is now flowing at two dozen wrestlers on the payroll and it's paying me an income of fifty thousand dollars a week. I have two others in the WWE and I have sixteen producing at OVW. So, ladies and gentlemen... if I say I'm a wrestling girl, you will agree. You have a great chance here, but bear in mind, you can lose it all if you're not careful. Out of all men that beg for a chance to be the General Manager, maybe one in twenty will be wrestling fans; the rest will be speculators - men trying to get between you and the fans - to get some of the money that ought by rights come to you. Even if you find one that has money, and means to do general managing, he'll maybe known nothing about it and he'll have to hire out the job on contract, and then you're depending on a Steven Popick type that's trying to rush the job through so he can get another title shot just as quick as he can. This is the way this works. DOCTOR STEPHEN PIGLEY So what is your offer? We're wasting time. Josie looks around the room and smiles. JOSIE I do my own booking. And the men that work for me, work for me and they are men I know. I make it my business to be there and see to their work. I don't lose my wrestlers to other feds and spend months finding replacements; I don't botch the Main Events and let ridiculous people get ridiculous title shots. I'm a family woman- I run a family business. This is my cousin and my partner, Sophie Grey. Josie indicates Sophie, who nods. JOSIE We offer you the bond of family that very few General Managers can understand. I'm fixed like no other GM in this field and that's because my Coyote Hills fed has just come in. I have a string of wrestlers all ready to work. I can load a ring onto trucks and have them here in a week. I have business connections so I can get the better referees for the matches. CLEM BUZZLEFOXER WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN?! Moneymaker mouths the words “She didn't mean you, Clem” which is enough to get the elderly referee to be quiet and smile. JOSIE ...Such things go by friendship in a rush like this. And this is why I can guarantee to start managing and put up the matches to back my word. And to prove it, I'd like to take this opportunity to announce a special two month event. A first in OAOAST history, a Money In The Bank tournament! Surprised murmurs go up from the gathered wrestlers, as they try to gain more information about this historic event. JOSIE With the help of Theodore's insights into the roster and reports from my own scouting department I have selected sixteen of the OAOAST's best sports entertainers to compete for a guaranteed title shot to be used whenever they want. The finals will occur at Angleslam, and there someone will cement their legacy in the OAOAST. And as a very generous gift, Theodore has volunteered to give half a million dollars to the winner of the tournament. That creates quite the buzz in the audience, because money=doubleplusgood. Moneymaker simply stands with his same cool and casual smile, knowing that half a million dollars might be enough to cool the heat currently on him. JOSIE I assure you, whatever the others promise to do, when it comes to the showdown, they won't be there... The people in the room nod and lightly applaud. Josie smiles wide. JOSIE ...Punch and Pie in the room next door. EVERYONE piles out in a rush as the camera fades to.... black. HA! GOT YOUR HOPES UP!! Instead of the traditional celebration of Americana opening, the OAOAST marketing department opted to bring you a partly clothed Maggie Nerdly up in the heavens following a bright light that leads her to the Pearly Gates, which automatically open. Maggie continues on her journey in awe of footage highlighting past Great Angle Bashes on a stretched video wall until reaching a fully furnished room complete with HDTV. She throws herself on a puffy cloud positioned in the center, grabs the remote control and points at the screen to end this rush job of an opening. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! B O O M ~! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" LIVE! Minneapolis, Minnesota Cue the motion sickness as we randomly and wildly pan around the sea of heads jammed inside the Target Center for the 7th annual Great Angle Bash. We then make our way over to Sofa Central where we join Michael Cole and The Coach. COLE Welcome to Minneapolis, Minnesota, and welcome to the 7th annual Great Angle Bash. And Coach, what a shocker to open the telecast. Out of a who's who of hopefuls, JOSIE BAKER has been selected by the OAOAST Board of Directors to succeed Anglesault as OAOAST President. COACH I guess we'll have a female president after all; not for America but the OAOAST. Josie Barker damn sure didn't waste any time making her first decision, Cole, announcing a Money in the Bank tournament with the winner not only receiving a title at the OAOAST Championship but a HALF A MILLION DOLLARS! COLE Theodore Moneymaker's attempt to cool the heat on him for his role getting the very popular Anglesault dismissed. COACH Popular with who, hookers? COLE COACH I'm not a role model, but I understand I have a certain moral obligation with the position I hold. Something you ought to remember next time you go visit Los Diablos de Fuego at their favorite bar. COLE Uh, I'm ready for some action-- I mean WRESTLING ACTION and not any other kind of frowned upon action. So let's head up to the ring for our first contest. COACH (staring at Cole)