Tony149

Baron Windels promo Words from Theodore Moneymaker

The PENIS-COPTER that made national headlines this past week flies towards the entranceway from underneath the overhead arena jumbotron, exploding upon reaching its destination to [b][color="#808000"]shower the stage with golden pyro[/color][/b]. [i]My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14[/i] The music sounds and the Dick, the whip and the Amazonian bitch stroll down the ramp. BUFFER Wrestling fans, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Currently on his way to the ring, accompanied by the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns, MALAYSIA! From San Antonio, Texas, weighing 238 pounds, the cock of the walk… MISTER DICK! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Jock removes his cowboy and poses on the turnbuckles, arms spread, as Malaysia cracks the whip. COACH Doesn’t that make you wish Malaysia would step on your pubes? COLE My God, no! Malaysia rubs Jock down as "Rock The Casbah" is cued, bringing the fans to their feet. BUFFER And his opponent! Hailing from Grand Rapids, Michigan, weighing 218 pounds... "SILKY SMOOTH" LEON RRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Leon soaks in the atmosphere, acknowledging several pro-Rodez signs and banners. Big smile on his face, the New Age Love Machine sprints to the ring and poses on the very turnbuckle Jock Mulligan did minutes earlier to a thunderous ovation. MR. DICK (looking around) :angry: COACH Wait a second, Mikey. How come Jock didn’t receive a rousing introduction from Michael Buffer like Leon Rodez did? COLE Because he’s a dick. Let’s not forget, it was his actions on The Love Shack that lead us to where we are this evening. COACH It’s just like you to blame a guy you don’t like, Cole. Leon Rodez is the one who started everything. He speared a guy trying to find his contact lens. COLE Jock doesn’t even wore contacts! Off comes the robe and Leon Rodez is ready for battle. Rodez and Mulligan eye to eye and nose to nose as referee Nick Patrick sounds the bell. * DINGDING * Mr. Dick lays the verbal smack down on Rodez, poking his finger into the Silky Smooth One’s chest, which is promptly swatted away. Leon used to doing the poking and not the poked in his previous line of employment. Jock takes exception to Leon’s exception and throws a punch, but Rodez ducks under and executes an atomic drop. Doubled over, Mr. Dick again comes face to face with Leon Rodez, who lifts him up for a series of INVERTED ATOMIC DROPS!! 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10!!! COACH 10. 10 inverted atomic drops. A bit excessive don’t you think, Mikey? COLE I think Leon’s getting even for what happened this past week on HeldDOWN~! Jock sells the atomic drops in comedic fashion. But there’s nothing funny about the Irish whip and SITOUT HIPTOSS that follows, only pain. Rodez hooks the leg. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! And Mr. Dick rolls outside to regroup as Leon receives the adulation of the fans inside. COLE Things not looking too good for Mister Dick here in the early going. COACH Early being the keyword. Jock re-enters the ring and locks up with Rodez, quickly grabbing him in a side headlock. Leon shoots Mr. Dick off to the ropes and eats a shoulder tackle. Rodez pops to his feet and leapfrogs Mulligan, catching him on the rebound with an OVERHEAD SUPLEX! ONE… TWO… NO! Mr. Dick kicks out and Leon avoids a clothesline. Rolling Sole BUTT finds its mark and Jock is set for an EXPLODER SUPLEX…but he fights back, landing a series of elbows to the head to break free. The Grand Rapids Golden Child ducks a DISCUS PUNCH and brings Jock down in CRUCIFIX-- NO, JOCK FALLS STRAIGHT BACK, SQUASHING RODEZ LIKE A BUG! “OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" High vertical suplex leaves Rodez laying in the center of the ring, and then Jock drops a big elbow. ONE… TWO… And again Leon kicks out. The New Age Love Machine refusing to go down quietly. Mr. Dick’s imposing lady friend distracts the referee as he HEADBUTTS LEON IN THE GROIN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Mr. Dick living up to his name. Just Being A Dick. You love that, don’t you, Coach? COACH You say that with a lot of distain. I bet you go to sleep at night dreaming of Jock performing that act on you. Mr. Dick throws Leon outside and has a chat with referee Nick Patrick as Malaysia… [color="#FF0000"][b]* WHAP * * WHAP * * WHAP *[/b][/color] ….WHIPS the Silky Smooth One, leaving welts on his back! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh, come on. It’s turned into a handicap match now. Jock rolls Leon back in and slaps the side of his leg to signal for the STIFF KICK. He lunges forward, but Rodez sidesteps and lands a jab! JAB! JAB! JAB! Leon turns to blow a kiss to the crowd, then wallops Mr. Dick upside the cranium with an enziguri! COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! Jock stumbles forward and throat-first onto the middle rope, lighting Rodez’s eyes up like a Christmas tree as he sees an opening to CALL THAT BITCH BOJANGLES!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" His strength zapped by that move one, Jock falls back in perfect position for a 450 SPLASH!! NO!!! “OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” MR. DICK GETS IT UP! HIS KNEES THAT IS! COACH (laughs) Mama said knock that bitch bojangles. Jock toys with Leon, paint brushing him while talking smack. Rodez is stomped on the head and whipped into the buckle, the recipient of a CORNER CROSSBODY BLOCK. COLE What impact. COACH You know what he calls that, Mikey? And you’ll love this. Bite My Giant Dick! Running bulldog coming up, but Leon hurls Jock in the air and down. The worse for wear Rodez bumbles around and into a STIFF KICK! ONE… TWO… THR-- KICKOUT!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" MR. DICK :huh: "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Looking to silence the crowd and end the match, Jock goes for the COCK BLOCK…BUT LEON ROLLS THROUGH AND COUNTERS WITH A MIDAIR HIPTOSS. Rodez leapfrogs Mulligan and nails him with a FLYING FOREARM! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Leon Rodez has all the momentum on his side now, whipping Mr. Dick to the buckle…SUPERMAN SPEAR! Jock takes a nosedive mid-ring, and Rodez looks to lock on the LIONTAMER, but Malaysia hops on the apron and grabs the attention of not only referee Nick Patrick but Leon Rodez as well. COLE Do your job and get her down from there, ref. She has no business on the apron. COACH You don’t honestly believe Nick Patrick could get Malaysia to back down? Why she’d wipe the floor with him. As thought, Malaysia’s created a distraction so Mr. Dick can grab the WHIP she left behind in the far corner. Jock wraps it around his fist and slowly begins to creep up on Rodez. Then a loud ROAR, as BARON WINDELS enters through the crowd and serves up a BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL DDT on his former partner! COACH The hell? Where did he come from? COLE I don’t know, but he just got a measure of revenge on the man who turned his back on him and millions of fans. Leon notices Jock on the mat, shrugs his shoulders and makes the cover. COACH Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. ONE… TWO… THREE!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match… "SILKY SMOOTH" LEON RRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!! Smiling from ear to each amongst a sea of fans, Baron pumps his fist as Leon’s hand is raised in victory. Referee Nick Patrick then chased up the ramp by Malaysia, who returns to assist Mister Dick. COLE Mister Dick may need a couple of aspirins to relive his headache after being spiked on his head by Baron Windels. COACH This is a travesty, Cole. I bet Leon had Baron waiting in the wings because he knew Mister Dick was the better man. COLE Just keep telling yourself that. Right now…

Leon Rodez vs. "Mr. Dick" Jock Mulligan

Subject to change or not happen at all depending on what KC says. [i]Yeah, uh! Get up, now! Ow! Knock out this! Super highways, coast to coast, easy to get anywhere On the transcontinental overload, just slide behind the wheel How does it feel[/i] With the OAOAST’s European tour now concluded, the ALL-AMERICAN BOYS are out of hiding and on their way to the squared circle proudly waving Old Glory. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave... THE ALL-AMERICAN BOYS!! “USA!” “USA!” “USA!” COLE We’re not just living in America, but we’re back LIVE once again in America. Hartford, Connecticut to be exact, and I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate our return home than with two American patriots. COACH I’ll give you that, Cole. But maybe other than mom’s apple pie, there’s nothing more American than rock n’ roll. COLE Speaking of which… [i][size=4][color="#FF0000"][b]HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT![/b][/color][/size][/i] COLE …here’s a fearsome foursome always with a new complaint. COACH The greatest tag team champions this company has ever had. Synth and Logan aren’t much in the mood for jawing with fans this evening, but the same cannot be said for Abdullah. The Colonel more than willing to engage in a little smack talk. BUFFER And their opponents, led down the aisle by HOLLY-WOOD… COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents the GREATEST rock 'n' wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time… THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Upon entering the ring, the Heavenly Rockers are met by fists of fire and feet of fury as the All-American Boys launch a pre-emptive strike! COACH Something tells me I shouldn’t hold my breath waiting for a condemnation from you, Cole. COLE Well, these aren’t the rules the All-American Boys normally play by, but against an enemy that plays by none then, well… I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. COACH I sure hope you remember that next time one of your favorites is on the receiving end of things. “YEAH!” * DINGDINGDING * A pair of Irish whips and backdrops follow. Liberty whips Synth in again and takes him around the world with a TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! The All-American Boys switch out, legally, and Freedom looks to shoot the Synthmeister in a third time…but Synth reverses and Logan drives the knee into the small of Freedom’s back as he bounces off the ropes, sending the masked patriot stumbling into the arms of Synth and a SWINGING NECKBREAKER! COACH Stick that on the cover of TIME Magazine. COLE They may be sticking a fork in Freedom if he’s unable to make a tag. A tag is made, but it’s by the Heavenly Rockers. Logan plants a knee into the side of Freedom’s chest and then goes for the cover. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Mann rams Freedom into the buckle and chokes him out in the corner. Forced to back off he keeps the ref occupied as Holly lands a few cheap shots of her own. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” ABDULLAH : ) Logan signals he’s going to ram Freedom into the other buckle across the ring, but Freedom blocks it and the Macho MACHO Mann eats turnbuckle instead. “YEAH!” Both men tag out and their respective partners charge towards mid-ring to slug it out. The Synthmeister getting the worst of it as Liberty puts him on his heels. Irish whip, and a BAAAAAAAAAACK BODYDROP! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” The natives become restless as Liberty scales the turnbuckles. We soon know why as CPA, the Enterprise Director of Security, storms the ring and shoves Synth down to the mat. * DINGDINGDING * COLE The referee has called for the bell, but what the hell is CPA doing out here? Liberty dives off towards CPA…ONLY TO BE CAUGHT IN MIDAIR AND POWERSLAMMED! Then CPA drills Freedom with a BIG BOOT as we see THEODORE MONEYMAKER laughing alone at the top of the stage. The Heavenly Rockers and company seen running past the Billion Dollar Heir off to the side. COACH I bet this is what Teddy was referring to when he warned of the carnage that would result because of Anglesault’s actions. To think it’s only a taste of what’s to come. Anglesault, you’ve gone and f’d with the wrong dudes. * COMMERCIAL *

This man speaks the truth. Somebody’s playing a huge joke on Kobe and the NBA. The punch line will come after game 6 of both series. Although a part of me would like to see Boston advance so the Spurs could knock off the NBA/media’s darlings in one postseason. It would arguably be the greatest/toughest path to an NBA title in history IMO. Spurs in 6. Can't wait for Phil to start his mind games shit. And yes, it's a basketball thing.

[i]Tell me the story of how you ended up here I've heard it all in the hospital[/i] Still no love for the brave men of the OAOAST First Responders Unit, the duo met with scattered applause. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by OFFICER TANGO BOSLEY…from the OAOAST First Responders Unit... EMT TIM CCAAAAAASSSSHHHHHH!! Smiles and fist pumps are all Tango and Cash have to fire up the crowd, neither of which works. Then the wildest, wackiest piece of music nobody knows the name of because Patty forgot to say plays. [i]My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14[/i] That lovely little number brings out Jock Mulligan and his new lady friend, wielding a CAT O’ NINE TAILS WHIP. BUFFER And his opponent, led down the aisle by the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns… MALAYSIA! From San Antonio, Texas, weighing 238 pounds, the cock of the walk… “MR. DICK” JOCK MULLIGAN!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Having seen it all in their line of work, even Tango and Cash are taken aback by Malaysia. COACH There he is, Mikey, the [I]cockiest[/I] individual in the OAOAST today joined by the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns Malaysia. COLE Who Jock says is the only woman DOMINATING enough to handle The Dick. And I believe him. It looks to me she has some experience with that whip. The biggest shit-eating grin imaginable etched on his face, Jock removes a white headband with “DICK” written across in red ala the back of his trunks and HURLS it at EMT Tim. As Tim prepares to lunge forward Jock puts both hands up. All of a sudden remorseful, Jock apologizes for his actions and suckers Tim into shaking his hand… …KICK, DOUBLE LEG TAKEDOWN, HEADBUTT TO THE GROIN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE How apropos is it for that to be called Just Being A Dick? Jock picks Tim up and delivers the COCK SHOCK! ONE… TWO… NO! Jock rolls off just to flex. Yes, flex. After enjoying himself on the AngleTron Jock lifts Tim across his shoulders for the COCK BLOCK… but Tim slips out and STRIKES BACK. Again and again. Reeling against the ropes Jock is whipped across and back dropped. He staggers to his feet and gets taken down by a MISSLE DROPKICK~! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The EMT heads straight back to the top with Jock laid out near the corner…AND STOMPS DOWN WITH BOTH FEET!! COLE Starting CPR is EMT Tim Cash. ONE… TWO… THR-- KICKOUT! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” COACH I can’t believe EMT Tim -- EMT TIM! -- almost handled The Dick. COLE What an upset that would’ve been. And what a devastating loss it would’ve been for Jock heading into his match with Leon Rodez at School’s Out. Tim signals for the SLEEPER HOLD, his Do Not Resuscitate finishing move, and LOCKS IT ON! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Officer Bosley keeps a close eye on Malaysia as Jock struggles to find a way out of the sleeper. Then a counter, as Jock goes under and drives Tim into the mat with a DIVING FULL NELSON SLAM!! COACH DAYUM~! That‘s what I call [b]PURE PENETRATION[/b]! ONE… TWO… THREE! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner… “MR. DICK” JOCK MULLIGAN! Though his hand is raised in victory Jock continues to put the boots to EMT Tim, prompting Officer Bosley to intervene. * WHAP * BOSLEY :o WHIPPED by Malaysia, law enforcement’s finest is ready to use excessive force. Now face to face with the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns (we‘re gonna beat that phrase to the ground because Jim Ross taught us that‘s OK), Bosley is blindsided and the egotistical twosome go to work. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The crowd roars not for the assault on Rescue 911, but the arrival of LEON RODEZ~! * JAB * * JAB * * JAB * * JAB * * JAB * Rodez blows a kiss to the fans and readies to deliver an enzurigi, but Malaysia yanks Jock out to the floor and the pair retreat. COLE The Silky Smooth One putting Mr. Dick on notice. What a match it’ll be at School’s Out.

[i]If you are what you say you are A superstar Then have no fear The camera's here and the microphones and they wanna know Oh oh oh yeah[/i] The Beverly Hills Blonds may not have seen a lot of action inside the ring during the OAOAST’s European Vacation, but they definitely saw plenty of it outside as document by home video footage aired with the opening credits. [b][color="#008000"]The Enterprise [/color]presents... In association with the [color="#FF0000"]OAOAST[/color] and [color="#4169E1"]TSM[/color][/b] [img=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/reeltalk.jpg] "BOOOOOOOOO [i]*canned applause*[/i] OOOOOOOOOOO!" The Blonds enter the lounge as we’re reminded… "Reel Talk is filmed before a live studio audience." [size=1]Executive Producer/Creator Simon Singleton Co-Executive Producer Theodore Moneymaker Casting Couch Ned Blanchard Security CPA Directed By Molly Nerdly[/size] [font="Lucida Console"][color="red"]NED BLANCHARD - CHASING CHAMBERLAIN 2,310 happy -- and very sore -- bitches! ^ 227 from seven weeks ago[/color][/font] Drinks in hand, the Blonds remain standing rather than have a seat on their comfy leather sofas. SIMON Welcome back to the only talk show on television today that lets you think for yourself. I am Simon Singleton, joined as well by my handsome co-host… NED The one and only Ned Blanchard, thank you very much. SIMON Not only are we 2 weeks away from School’s Out, it’s also May sweeps. [b][color="#FF0000"]MAY SWEEPS![/color] [color="#00FF00"]MAY SWEEPS!![/color] [color="#4169E1"]MAY SWEEPS~!!![/color][/b] NED For those of you not in the biz, that’s when producers go the extra mile to put together shows that are bigger, better and badder. You know, a wild storyline, a crossover episode, or a special guest star. And boy do we have a special guest tonight. But Simon, did you know May sweeps isn’t the only big event going on back in the States? SIMON Indeed I did. The National Basketball Association is currently in the middle of their playoffs. And in recent years it’s become custom to refer to a team who’s been eliminated from postseason play as having “gone fishing.” Well ladies and gentlemen, the Beverly Hills Blonds went fishing this week and we reeled in a big one just in time for May sweeps. NED Bros and hoes, horny little boys and training bra wearing little girls, it’s our pleasure to introduce our guest this week, the CEO of the Enterprise…and the man who signs out check… THEODORE MONEYMAKER!! "BOOOOOOOOO [i]*canned applause*[/i] OOOOOOOOOOO!" [i]Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste I've been around for a long, long year Stole many a man's soul and faith[/i] There’s no sympathy for this devil, as Theodore Moneymaker is greeted rudely by the thousands in attendance. SIMON Teddy, thanks for squeezing us in. We know you’re a busy man. MONEYMAKER No problems, fellas. After keeping a low profile the past few weeks I’m ready to share my story. I’ve turned down hundreds of requests for a sit-down interview from various media outlets around the world because I wanted to give you, the most fair and balanced program outside of Fox News, the exclusive. Now, as many of you know, a couple weeks back I came out here and gave Anglesault an ultimatum: award me the #1 contendership for the OAOAST Title or suffer the wrath of my Enterprise. A simple stroke of the pen was all it’d take. But no, the man who broke every damn rule in the book in his day, winning the championship on a FINGERPOKE, couldn’t bring himself to do it! NED Shaking my head at this fool. Absolutely sickening. MONEYMAKER Therefore I'm left no choice but to declare my intention of placing a hostile bid for control of the OAOAST. I feel as though once people realize the kind of person they’ve been working for the past few years, it won’t be too hard of a decision for the Board of Directors to make. Little do you know, Anglesault, the kind of carnage you have brought on to the OAOAST. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! The Blonds give Teddy a standing ovation as his music hits. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" [i]Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste I've been around for a long, long year Stole many a man's soul and faith[/i] COLE What is that supposed to mean? COACH I don’t know, but Anglesault -- watch out!

[i]It's raining men - Hallelujah It's raining men - Amen It's raining men - Hallelujah It's raining men - Amen[/i] The male version of COD, minus all the success, prance onto the pink and yellow lit stage bumping and grinding against each other before skipping down the aisle hand and hand. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by MARIACHI… from sunny Cabo San Lucas, one half of the sexist team in AAAAALL of México… MORACCA! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Aw, man. I wish the rumor INS picked up these guys was true. COLE It was. Luckily for them -- and OAOAST officials -- tonight’s event is being held in Milan, Italy, though I’m sure it won’t be long before Los Diablos de Fuego will be allowed back on U.S. soil. COACH Yeah, all they’ll have to do is cross the border. Again. Los Diablos sandwich Michael Buffer in a humorous/disturbing moment. Then an unfamiliar piece of music begins playing. [i]My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14[/i] Out from the back emerges former Lone Star Gunslinger Jock Mulligan in white short shorts/chaps with red heart emblazoned on crotch and sort of a see through backside with the word “DICK” written across. BUFFER And, ladies and gentlemen, his opponent… from San Antonio, Texas, weighing 232 pounds… “MR. DICK” JOCK MULLIGAN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Quite a fashion statement being made by Jock Mulligan. COACH Ahem. Mr. Dick. * DINGDINGDING * The flaming luchador can’t keep his eyes off Jock, absolutely mesmerized by his wild attire. Flattered by the attention Jock takes Moracca’s hand and rubs it all over his chest. * awaked hush, scattered boos * MORACCA :D Suddenly, Jock pulls Moracca in close and delivers an INVERTED ATOMIC DROP… MORACCA :o …followed by a CLOTHESLINE FROM LINE!! COACH I don’t know what Mr. Dick calls that, but it’s definitely a shock to the cock. Hey! The Cock Shock. The cover. ONE… TWO… NO! Mr. Dick isn’t through yet. He whips Moracca into the ropes and connects with a beautifully executed standing dropkick. Rather than go for the pin Jock snaps Moracca over and drops the big leg. Talking smack to Moracca he makes the cover. ONE… TWO… NO! For a second time Mr. Dick breaks his own cover and receives an earful from referee Earl Hebner. Jock “accidentally” thumbs Moracca as he scoops him across his shoulders…AND THEN SLAMS HIM DOWN ON BOTH KNEES!!! COLE Oh, a devastating double knee gutbuster. Third time’s the charm? ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here is your winner… “MR. DICK” JOCK MULLIGAN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" In a sign of good sportsmanship, Jock helps Moracca to his feet and shakes his hand…only to floor him with a forearm smash flush to the face! COLE Hey, come on. That’s uncalled for. COACH You can say that again. I can’t believe Moracca would try to cheap shot Mr. Dick after shaking his hand. What poor sportsmanship on his part. Mariachi steps in, but he too is knocked on his ass courtesy of a forearm. Mr. Dick then grabs both legs and gives Mariachi a HEADBUTT TO THE GROIN!! COLE Jock Mulligan [i]just being a dick[/i] now. He’s already won the damn match. A big shit-eating grin on his face, Jock exits peacefully after that violent display. COACH Impressive win for Mr. Dick, wouldn't you say? COLE I may not like him anymore, but I certainly respect his in ring ability. Right now...

"Mr. Dick" Jock Mulligan vs. Moracca of Los Diablos de Fuego

Guys must be saving up for next week's Spectacular. Anyway, show's up in HE.

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD LET'S GET ROWDY!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Amongest a herd of screaming OAOAST fans are Michael Cole and The Coach at Sofa Central. COLE Michael Cole and Jonathan Coachman welcoming you to TV’s wildest variety program. We’re coming to you live from Glasgow, Scotland -- well, actually via tape delay. Nevertheless, we have a tremendous card lineup for you this evening. You will see Landon Maddix in action. COACH Also Sly Somers. COLE In a big 6 person tag, the Beverly Hills Blonds and Mackenzie DeCenzo will face the brother/sister combination of the Christ Air Express and reigning OAOAST Women’s Champion Maggie Nerdly! COACH And in our main event, Cucaracha International members Nathaniel Black and Todd Cortez battle to determine who’ll meet Tha Puerto Rican next week on the Milan Spectacular for the World Heavyweight Championship. COLE But we open with these men! HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! Holly-Wood and Colonel Abdullah lead Synth and Logan to the ring. * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit. Currently in the ring, the team of JACK MCDONALD and RONALD KING! Plain looking jobbers, King and McDonald’s wave to the crowd is meet with apathy. COACH Did you know McDonald and King are part of a trio, Cole? COLE I did not. COACH Yeah, they often team with a guy named Arby Denny. Hahahaha! COLE Oh, boy. What’s next, a sister named Wendy? COACH No, the greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of all time! BUFFER Their opponents, COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents in association with HOLLY-WOOD the GREATEST rock 'n' wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time… SYNTH ABDUL-JABBAR and LOGAN USHER MANN… THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Synth and Logan pose on the apron, then rush in and pummel their opponents. * DINGDINGDING * COLE The Heavenly Rockers not wasting anytime getting this one started. Synth dumps King outside and the Heavenly Rockers backdrop McDonald. Logan suplexes King back in as Synth chokes McDonald with his leather jacket. Referee Nick Patrick distracted by Colonel Abdullah’s effort to convert him. Now the Heavenly Rockers send Ronald King into the ropes and level him on the round with a DOUBLE SYNCHRONIZED DROPKICK! COACH That’s one tune he’ll have trouble remembering after getting kicked in the faced. McDonald is rammed into the buckle and worked over in the corner by a series of stinging left jabs courtesy of Logan Mann. The Macho MACHO Mann whips McDonald off again and catches him square in the heart with a back elbow. A tag is made and the Synthmeister slams McDonald near the Heavenly Rockers corner. Up to the second turnbuckle he goes and, after pointing out his new spiked Arabic boots similar to ones worn in the past by the Iron Sheik, delivers a devastating SKYHOOK ELBOW DROP!! COACH Check out the hang time, Cole. No doubt because of the new Arabic combat boots personally given to him by Syrian President Bashar Assad on the recent trip he and the Colonel accompanied former President Jimmy Carter on in the Middle East. COLE The cover! ONE… TWO… Logan nails Ronald King with a WICKED LEFT HOOK~ as the jobber tries to breakup the pin, and then spikes him with a PERCUSSION DDT! THREE!!! BUFFER Here are your winners… THE HEAVENLYYYYY ROCKERS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Synth pops up and plays a little air guitar to celebrate. COLE An impressive win by the Heavenly Rockers as they look to climb back up the ladder in the tag team division. Back into the locker rooms we go, specifically to that of Cucaracha Internacional. James Blonde sits generally chilling, watching closely as Megan and... well, Megan. Nuff said. Next to her is Landon, getting geared up for his match. Not looking particularly enthralled by the prospect, Landon pulls on his second elbowpad and lets out a sigh. MADDIX Ah, another day, another jobber. The life of an OAOAST superstar. At least I don't have to crash-course a new language this week. BLONDE But, we were in Spain last week, weren't we? No answer, aside from Megan making a throat-cutty type signal for Blonde to 'leave it'. MADDIX I mean, really, what's the point of even making the effort? Call me a pessimist, but I've got the feeling that (bad Scottish accent) Angus McKiltington from Outer Dumfries (normal voice) isn't going to pose me much of a threat. Let alone win a place amongst us. Seriously. Ah well. Soon, all this'll be behind me and I'll be back where I belong... At this point, the door swings open and Nathaniel Black walks into the dressing room, having worked up a sweat going through some warm-ups elsewhere in the building apparantly. MADDIX Ah, speak of the devil! The next World Heavyweight Champion himself! Blonde and Megan spark up with some courteous applause as Black chugs down the last of his bottle of water. BLACK Yeh. Just as soon as I smack the hell outta that tosser Cortez I will be. MADDIX That's what I want to hear. Confidence. See, that's what I feel when I look at you Nat', confidence. Confidence that the Cucaracha name is in safe hands. Look at you. Six two and built like a 'brick shithouse', as you tend to say. I told you from the start that I had confidence in you. The day I came to you and I offered you, James and Faqu the chance to stand by my side and follow in my footsteps, I made you a promise. Remember? BLACK I sure do. MADDIX I promised that you'd finally attain success in the OAOAST. Respect in the OAOAST. That your days of being held back by national politics were a thing of the past. And we've had some ups and we've had some downs, I admit it. I made my mistakes. Chiefly, putting my trust in Todd Cortez. And I did it at your expense. But I kept telling you, I promised you that your time would come Nat'. I made you that promise three months ago when I made the mistake of including him in the 6-Man Tag Team Title plans. But that was only because your potential, it goes beyond just the 6-Man Titles. They include them, sure. But they also surpass them. And tonight, all you've got to do is beat Cortez and that promise will be fulfilled. You'll be in the main-event at School's Out, challenging for the World Title. You will be there, at the pinnacle. Just like I promised. BLACK I know an'... an' I appreciate wot you've done for me lately. I ain't about to piss it all away now, don't you worry. We English, we don't lose in Scotland. Not a bloody chance. They 'ad to build a giant wall to keep us English out, that's 'ow much pain an' sufferin' we cause! Smiling a sick smile, Black leans in closer to Landon's earshot. BLACK An' if Cortez tries that flippy piledriver bollocks with me, I'm gonna clothesline that Phillipino midget's 'ead right off his shoulders an' into the North Sea! All four in the room let out a loud, braying laugh... MADDIX ...is... is that far from here then? ...being the last thing we hear as we FADE OUT. COLE I wonder what Landon meant by being 'back where he belongs'? Maybe it's just me, but I can't help but feel suspicious about why he's going to be pulling for Nathaniel Black later on. COACH It is just you. It's always 'just you'. Applicable to any moment in your life. COLE *sigh* I've got nothin'. Commercial please. ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH TO HANDLE THE DICK? THE MILAN SPECTACULAR "MR. DICK" JOCK MULLIGAN IN ACTION

COLE We're going to go back to the ring, but before we do so, standing by at the end of the ramp is Josh Matthews standing by. Josh?? (Crane shot over to Josh, standing with Sly Sommers (in full ring gear) at the end of the ramp) JOSH I'm standing here with a man who, last week, got his big dream comeback squandered by the massive Bohemoth. Sly Sommers...what happened? SLY Man...well, I made a huge tactical mistake last week. I bit off more than I could chew. He's a big, dominant athlete who's at the peak of his physical prime and I took him way too lightly. He was so much stronger and faster than I could have imagined. I went right at him, which was a gigantic dumbass move. I should've played cat and mouse. I gained some bulk, sure...but he's like two of me. I underestimated him, straight up. I didn't train nearly hard enough, I still have ring rust, and I faced the best big man in the sport today. He devoured a lesser competitor on that night. But I PROMISE, I will be back stronger and better than ever. I was back in the gym that morning, even with my two missing teeth and an entirely sore body and I'm working towards one day being the man in this sport. JOSH Well...what now? Sly Sommers still on the comeback trail? SLY ABSOLUTELY! I'm here to show everyone out there that, no matter how far you're down, no matter how big of a hole life has put you in, that you can crawl out of it and be the best and strongest you've ever been! It's a lot of weight to take on my back, but I want to be a role model. I almost became one of "those wrestlers"...you know, the ones who got success too young, couldn't handle it, and end up dying far too young. I'm starting at square one, but I am making a promise to all of you fans at home: I will one day be the World Heavyweight Champion! I'm still an addict, ya know Josh? (Josh looks perplexed) I'm an addict for getting up early every morning. I'm an addict for going to the gym and working out harder than anyone in the gym! I'm an addict for studying my opponents! I'm an addict for winning matches! I'm an addict...for gold! And this addict needs his fix! JOSH One last question before you go to the ring for singles competition: any word about your relationship with Zack Malibu? SLY You know, I've tried to get ahold of him in the locker room, on the phone, all that business...nothing, man. Zack, if you're listening and you want to air the grievances, I'm all ears, bro. I'm still sorry. JOSH Well, the best of luck to you, Sly Sommers...and let's go to the ring! Sly walks the rest of the way to the ring, slapping hands with fans as he comes down... BUFFER The following is set for one fall...on his way to the ring, from Scranton, Pennsylvania, at a weight of 212 pounds...SLYYYYYYYYYYY SOOOOOOMEEEEERS! His opponent, from Manchester, England, weighing 231 pounds...Matthew Browne! COLE This is apparantly square one, facing a regional European wrestler in hopes of working his way into the OAOAST elite once again... *BELL RINGS* Sly locks up with Browne quickly, then goes to a side headlock. Browne pulls him backwards to the ropes, then Sly shoves him off. Browne bounces off of the ropes and gets sent down with a shoulderblock.Sly comes off of the ropes to his right, leaps over Browne, who turns over onto his stomach to try and trip Sly, then Sly comes off of the ropes on the other side and leapfrogs a now-standing Browne. Sly comes off of the ropes and hits a flying forearm to the face. Sommers comes to his feet, charges at Browne as he comes to his feet, and hits an old-school side headscissors takeover. Sly sends Brown off with an Irish whip after pulling him up, leapfrogs him in mid-ring, Browne comes off the ropes on the other side, Sommers leapfrogs him backwards, Browne comes off of the ropes again...and gets hit with a big back body drop! Sly comes out of a corner...and hits a Ric Flair-style kneedrop! COLE So far, so dominant for Sommers! Sly goes up to the second rope, waiting for Browne to rise to his feet. Browne gets up...dropkick off of the second rope! COVER! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Browne backs up into a corner as he scrambles to his feet. Sommers Irish whips him into the opposite corner, charges across the ring, and scores with a big monkey flip! Sommers grabs Browne, who more or less bounces up to his feet...big bodyslam! Sly then climbs up top, as the crowd rises to their feet...SUPERSLY SPLASH! COVER... ONE! TWO! THREE! *BELL RINGS* BUFFER Your winner....SLYYYYYYYYYY SOOOOOOMMMERS! COACH Sommers busts out a new move in his repertoire, a top rope splash, for the big win... A voice from backstage Hey, don't play any music! Out from the curtain walks James "Phoenix" Cone, holding a microphone, interrupting Sly's music... PHOENIX Good job, Sly. Congrats! Way to get back on track. But I got something to say to you...I mean, it seems like you're harder to get ahold of than a man made out of flubber! I've tried every form of communication with you and not one has worked...it's IMPOSSIBLE to get my question answered...(Sly grabs a mic)...I want to know why you don't think I'm main event material? That's it, nothing else. SLY James, I've seen you wrestle a lot. I think you're a good competitor in between these ropes. You're insanely fundamentally sound. The issue is, when I look into your eyes...I don't see it, man. I don't see the passion. I don't see that blazing inferno of fire that's lit deep in your heart that makes you WANT IT! PHOENIX I want it! I need it, Sly! More than you can possibly imagine. SLY THEN PROVE IT! Talk is cheap. You can say anything you want, but I still don't think it's there. But I'll tell you what: next week, we're gonna be in Milan, Italy, one of the most beautiful cities in the world. It's going to be a HUGE show, big title matches, feuds renewed, a packed house...and I don't have a match. My dance card is empty. Last I checked the big white board in the back, yours is too. So, if you want to shut me up, just bring the fight, bring the passion, BRING THE FURY! Bring that fire that makes you a headliner in this industry like the Malibus and the Puerto Ricans and the Rodezes...MAKE YOURSELF, SON! PHOENIX You got yourself a match, pal! Listen, just to make it clear, I don't hate you, I don't dislike you...I just had an issue with something that came out of your mouth. It'll be an honor to face you in that ring...and an even bigger one to be able to say I beat you...see you in Italy! Ciao! COACH What a match just agreed to for the Milan Spectacular! Sly Sommers..."Phoenix" Cone...it'll be a barnburner! NEXT WINNER FACES THE OAOAST CHAMPION NEXT WEEK AT SCHOOL'S OUT NATHANIEL BLACK vs. TODD CORTEZ

If you are what you say you are A superstar Then have no fear The camera's here and the microphones and they wanna know Oh oh oh yeah The Beverly Hills Blonds and Mackenzie DeCenzo scroll out to the tune of "Superstar" by Lupe Fiasco. Also tagging along for the ride, filming on the Siclopse as usual, Molly Nerdly. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following special attraction is a MIXED 6 PERSON TAG. Introducing team number one, led down the aisle by MOLLY NERDLY, representing THE ENTERPRISE…"THE HANDSOME HUSTLER" NED BLANCHARD, "BOX OFFICE" SIMON SINGLETON... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS… and MACKENZIE DECENZO!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Front and center, a crotched Molly shoots upward to capture Mackie raising the hands of Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard, both grinning from ear to ear. The vests and rose colored glasses come off as “Like The Angel” by Rise Against kicks up. COLE As you heard Michael Buffer say, this is a mixed tag, meaning it’ll be the men vs. the men and the women vs. the women. COACH Oh, just when I was about to pop open a cold one and put on my wife beater. BUFFER And their opponents, originally hailing from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada... COACH The CAE taking Edmonton back I see. BUFFER …but now residing in Laguna Beach, California, MARV and MEL... THE CHRIST AIR EEEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXPPRRRRRREEEEEESSSSSSSSS…and the One & Only Women‘s Champion MAGGGGIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NERDLY!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" The CAE and Maggie run up the steel steps and into the ring, all 3 flashing the RAWK hand gesture. COLE The Christ Air Express popular whenever they go. And it’s gotta be another thrill for the Nerdly family. First Melody manages her brothers at AngleMania and now the guys team with their other sister, OAOAST Women’s Champion Maggie. COACH The biggest joke in the history of our great sport in my opinion. She’s an interviewer for crying out loud. At least when Ms. Lindsay held the title she brought some credibility to it. But if we’re going to be allowed to compete for championships Maggie better watch out for you, Cole! COLE MARV and MEL remove their jackets to the delight of women around the world. Except Mackie and Molly because one’s not interested in boys and the other’s their sister. * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds and it’s Ned Blanchard and MARV who kick things off for their respective teams, locking up in the center of the ring. Quick go-behind into a SCHOOL BOY from MARV! ONE… KICKOUT! MARV stays on the attack, snapping Ned over in a side headlock. He fights out of a head scissors by floating on top, then wanders towards the ropes and pushes off after Ned bridges up and under for a backslide attempt. MARV ducks a clothesline and charges off the ropes, spiking the Handsome Hustler on the rebound with a RUNNING DDT!! ONE… TWO… Simon drops an elbow on Ned! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" DOUBLE KICKFLIP from the Christ Air Express knocks Simon out to the floor. MARV wrings Ned’s arm and tags MEL. SHOOTING STAR DOUBLE AXE HANDLE SMASH ONTO THE OUTSTRETCH ARM OF NED BLANCHARD! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" MEL wrings the arm and catches a boot to the midsection. Blanchard tags out and Simon Singleton leaps off the top rope from the apron…AND EATS A SPINNING HEEL KICK!! COACH DAYUM~! COLE What a counter to an attempt springboard clothesline. This could very well do it. ONE… TWO… NO! Mackenzie DeCenzo rakes the eyes. Proud of her work she lays the verbal smack down on MEL. At least until Maggie finally has enough. Wanting no part of the OAOAST Women’s Champion, Mackie flees outside where she points to her head and smiles. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Simon lifts MEL for a slam, but the Laguna Beach native wraps B.O.S.S. up in a SMALL PACKAGE! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! MEL rushes at Simon and swings around for the bulldog…but Simon counters with a SLINGSHOT BACKBREAKER!! The cover! ONE... TWO... THR-- NO! MEL gets the shoulder up. Simon has no trouble slamming MEL this time, dropping an elbow off the top afterward. ONE… TWO… Save by MARV. A tag is made and the Blonds treat MEL to a DOUBLE FEATURE… NO, HE ESCAPES IN MIDAIR AND DROPKICKS BOTH MEN! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" The Christ Air Express tag and MARV comes in a house afire. DOUBLE COCONUT sends the Blonds their separate ways. JAWJACKER on Ned leads to the cover. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! MARV rams Ned into the buckle hammers away from the middle rope as the fans count along. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... Creeping up from behind, Simon Singleton is drilled with a REVERSE DIVING HEADBUTT! COLE Oh, what ring awareness. COACH Yeah, it’s called luck. Blanchard staggers out towards mid-ring and a running cross body from MARV, but he hangs on and delivers a STUN GUN!!! ONE… TWO… THREE-- NO!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" NED Face-first into the knee of Simon Singleton goes MARV. The Blonds switch out, legally I might add, and B.O.S.S. chops MARV in the corner, and then whips him in for a standing dropkick that finds its mark. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Flat on his back after a vertical suplex MARV puts the KNEES UP as Simon comes down with a big splash, knocking the air out of him! “MARV!” “MARV!” “MARV!” COLE Listen to this great crowd urging on MARV. MEL and Maggie stand ready for the tag. On the flip side, only Ned is eager to accept the tag for his team. The Blonds are the first to make the tag, followed shortly thereafter by MARV who tags… MAGGIE!?! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Do you know what this means, Cole? COLE Mackenzie DeCenzo is automatically the legal person because it’s guys vs. guys and girls vs. girls. MEL takes care of a stunned Ned Blanchard with a SWINGING BULLDOG, as Maggie hurls Mackenzie inside. MAGGIE MACKENZIE On her hands and knees, Mackie offers Maggie her diamond bracelet in exchange for being allowed to leave, but the OAOAST Women’s Champ wants none of that and delivers a mega BITCHSLAP! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Suddenly the rest of the ENTERPRISE hit the ring. Theodore Moneymaker blasting MEL from behind as CPA grabs a hold of Maggie. STOCKMARKET CRASH on MARV! * DINGDINGDING * Charles Robinson calls for the bell, but the Enterprise isn’t through yet. Theodore hands Mackie the OAOAST Women’s Championship which she uses to cold-cock Maggie! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What can of a human being hits somebody with a blunt object while another person holds them back? This is appalling! The Enterprise continue to do a number on the Nerdly clan as Molly keeps the Siclopse rolling instead of helping to put an end to the violence. The mayhem ends once OAOAST officials arrive on the scene. MONEYMAKER You see, Anglesault. This is only a taste of what happens to those who get on my bad side. Time is still on your side…but it’s running out quickly. COLE I’ve had enough of this man. Let’s go somewhere else. To the back or to a commercial. Anywhere I can’t see that man’s face. OAOAST PRESENTS... SCHOOL'S OUT SUNDAY, MAY 25 LIVE ON PAY PER VIEW

We return to HeldDOWN~! with Landon Maddix already in the ring, looking a tad bored with proceedings as he waits for a cue. MADDIX Okay, okay. It's time for another Cucaracha Internacional local talent open challenge thing, so let's bring out the guy and get on with this shall we? A bagpipe version of "Flower Of Scotland" begins to play as to the ring heads the local opponent. And, unlike the last two weeks' offerings, the hometown boy is quite a big boy. Well built and clearly over 6 foot, the blond haired wrestler marches to the ring with the Scottish flag proudly on his trunks. Into the ring he steps and Landon can't help but raise an eyebrow, seeing he's giving up height and weight to the strapping Scotsman. MADDIX Uhm... okay. Landon takes a couple of seconds to size up the Scotsman, who looks a little nervous despite his size. MADDIX So, my friend, what's your name? FERGUS WALLACE My name's Fergus Wallace and I come from Glasgow, SCOTLAND!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" MADDIX Fantastic. The great city of Glasgow. One of my favourite places in the world. Beautiful architecture, love the accents of the locals. Just great, just great. So sir, the very best of luck. Landon earnestly shakes the hand of Wallace before heading to his corner, the camera catching a quick wide-eyed look towards Megan as he mouths the words "where did they get this guy from!?" *DINGDINGDING!* Both men leave their corners and Landon offers another handshake. Wallace looks confused since they just shook hands five seconds ago, but accepts it anyway to applause from Megan. They circle and lock-up, Wallace quickly marching Landon back into a corner. Clean break and Landon is surprisingly all smiles, even complimenting Wallace on his strength. COLE Off we go. Remember, if Wallace can pull of the upset he'll be an official member of Cucaracha Internacional, which obviously means he'll get a shiny new OAOAST contract as well. And I've got to say, out of all those who've challenged Landon, this Scotsman may have the best shot of them all. Composing himself, Landon offers up another tie-up and after jockeying for position, Wallace again moves La Cucaracha back into a corner. Landon pulls out a quick spin just before being cornered though, trapping Wallace in the corner... and giving a clean break of his own. COACH Great to see sportsmanship like that. COLE Yeah, I smell a rat too. Yet another handshake is given by Landon before they lock-up again, Landon this time grabbing a quick side headlock. Wallace pushes him off and drops down, forcing Landon up and over. The Scot then surprises Landon with a leapfrog before catching him on the rebound with an armdrag, hanging on and barring up the arm to the delight of his native Glaswegians! Smile gone now, Maddix thinks about reaching up for a handful of hair but decides against it and looks for a cleaner way out. Landon rolls to a knee and Wallace changes into a top wristlock. Over to the ropes manoeuvers Maddix, grabbing the top rope and using it to backflip, going behind with a hammerlock on the Scotsman. COLE Landon certainly showing this local talent a little more respect than the others. Wallace eventually reverses the hammerlock into one of his own then grabs a headlock. Landon pushes him off into the ropes and drops down. Before he can get up for a leapfrog though, he gets knocked to the mat with a shoulder tackle and covered... 1... 2... No! Off the ropes again, Wallace hits another shoulder tackle and covers again... 1... 2... No! With Landon reeling, Wallace hits the ropes one more time and puts all his 230-240ish pounds behind a big flying shoulder block, pumping his fists before following with the cover... 1... 2... No! COLE Man, Landon is struggling with this big Scot right now. We might need that t-shirt re-designed in a matter of minutes if he's not careful! Landon gets back to his feet and falls into the ropes, Wallace right on him with an irish whip. He ducks the head for a backdrop, but Maddix is too smart for that and lands with a kick to the shoulder blade. Irish whip of his own... NO! The burly Scot puts on the brakes and sends Maddix off again. Underneath a clothesline goes Landon, coming back with a flying forearm... CAUGHT! Wallace catches Maddix in his arms and drops to the knees with a slam, hooking the leg... 1... 2... No! "SCOT - LAND!" "SCOT - LAND!" "SCOT - LAND!" "SCOT - LAND!" Wallace eggs on the Glasgow crowd as he waits on Landon, scooping him up for another slam. But Landon floats over the back this time... ...and slaps his thigh, before going down in a heap! COLE What the? Howling in pain, Landon seems to be hurt which causes Megan to complain about a lowblow to the referee. Obviously confused, Wallace protests his innocence. But in doing so he takes his eye off the ball, allowing the suddenly recovered Maddix to spin him around and WHIP him face-first into the mat with the Crash Landon '05!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Ah, I knew it had to be too good to be true! Maddix, lulling this guy into a false sense of security and he pays dearly for the mistake of trusting La Cucaracha. Not the first, and I doubt the last. Cover by Landon, referee looking confused as he counts... 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" BUFFER Your winner of the match... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MMAAADDIIIIXXXXX!! Almost amused by the hatred felt by the crowd, Landon shrugs his shoulders as if to say 'what did you expect'. COLE Well, Landon's attention now moves on to our main-event. No new Cucaracha Internacional recruit tonight, but one of his current crop will be going to School's Out to challenge Tha Puerto Rican for the World Heavyweight Title, when Nathaniel Black meets Todd Cortez. Standing by right now, our broadcast colleague Tony Brannigan with the man himself, Anglesault! We cut to our backstage interview position where both OAOAST Originals stand. BRANNIGAN ‘Sault, I’ve known you a long time and you’re the kind of guy who doesn’t take you-know-what from anybody. So what about the comments made last week by Theodore Moneymaker accusing you of having a vendetta for blocking his entrance into the tournament to determine who’ll face the OAOAST Champion next week on the Milan Spectacular. A tournament he now demands you cancel or suffer his wrath if you do not award him the title shot. ANGLESAULT Believe me, if I had a vendetta against Theodore Moneymaker he‘d know it. Contrary to Mr. Moneymaker’s belief, his money cannot gain him favors on the OAOAST Board of Directors or influence my decisions. Rejection is a hard pill to swallow, and based on Theodore’s reaction he agrees. Therefore I made the decision to bar Moneymaker from the tournament in the best interest of the OAOAST. BRANNIGAN Is that confirmation of Theodore Moneymaker’s allege blackmail attempt we’ve heard about on the OAOAST Hot Newzline? ANGLESAULT All I’ll say is I won’t be intimidated. BRANNIGAN Anything you can add to that? ANGLESAULT I've said enough already. Thank you for your time. AS exits as Tony Brannigan watches on. UP NEXT 6 PERSON TAG THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS/MACKENZIE DECENZO vs. THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS/MAGGIE NERDLY

If possible, place this sometime after THR squash. If you are what you say you are A superstar Then have no fear The camera's here and the microphones and they wanna know Oh oh oh yeah The Beverly Hills Blonds and Mackenzie DeCenzo scroll out to the tune of "Superstar" by Lupe Fiasco. Also tagging along for the ride, filming on the Siclopse as usual, Molly Nerdly. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following special attraction is a MIXED 6 PERSON TAG. Introducing team number one, led down the aisle by MOLLY NERDLY, representing THE ENTERPRISE…"THE HANDSOME HUSTLER" NED BLANCHARD, "BOX OFFICE" SIMON SINGLETON... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS… and MACKENZIE DECENZO!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Front and center, a crotched Molly shoots upward to capture Mackie raising the hands of Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard, both grinning from ear to ear. The vests and rose colored glasses come off as “Like The Angel” by Rise Against kicks up. COLE As you heard Michael Buffer say, this is a mixed tag, meaning it’ll be the men vs. the men and the women vs. the women. COACH Oh, just when I was about to pop open a cold one and put on my wife beater. BUFFER And their opponents, originally hailing from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada... COACH The CAE taking Edmonton back I see. BUFFER …but now residing in Laguna Beach, California, MARV and MEL... THE CHRIST AIR EEEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXPPRRRRRREEEEEESSSSSSSSS…and the One & Only Women‘s Champion MAGGGGIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NERDLY!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" The CAE and Maggie run up the steel steps and into the ring, all 3 flashing the RAWK hand gesture. COLE The Christ Air Express popular whenever they go. And it’s gotta be another thrill for the Nerdly family. First Melody manages her brothers at AngleMania and now the guys team with their other sister, OAOAST Women’s Champion Maggie. COACH The biggest joke in the history of our great sport in my opinion. She’s an interviewer for crying out loud. At least when Ms. Lindsay held the title she brought some credibility to it. But if we’re going to be allowed to compete for championships Maggie better watch out for you, Cole! COLE :rolleyes: MARV and MEL remove their jackets to the delight of women around the world. Except Mackie and Molly because one’s not interested in boys and the other’s their sister. * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds and it’s Ned Blanchard and MARV who kick things off for their respective teams, locking up in the center of the ring. Quick go-behind into a SCHOOL BOY from MARV! ONE… KICKOUT! MARV stays on the attack, snapping Ned over in a side headlock. He fights out of a head scissors by floating on top, then wanders towards the ropes and pushes off after Ned bridges up and under for a backslide attempt. MARV ducks a clothesline and charges off the ropes, spiking the Handsome Hustler on the rebound with a RUNNING DDT!! ONE… TWO… Simon drops an elbow on Ned! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" DOUBLE KICKFLIP from the Christ Air Express knocks Simon out to the floor. MARV wrings Ned’s arm and tags MEL. SHOOTING STAR DOUBLE AXE HANDLE SMASH ONTO THE OUTSTRETCH ARM OF NED BLANCHARD! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" MEL wrings the arm and catches a boot to the midsection. Blanchard tags out and Simon Singleton leaps off the top rope from the apron…AND EATS A SPINNING HEEL KICK!! COACH DAYUM~! COLE What a counter to an attempt springboard clothesline. This could very well do it. ONE… TWO… NO! Mackenzie DeCenzo rakes the eyes. Proud of her work she lays the verbal smack down on MEL. At least until Maggie finally has enough. Wanting no part of the OAOAST Women’s Champion, Mackie flees outside where she points to her head and smiles. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Simon lifts MEL for a slam, but the Laguna Beach native wraps B.O.S.S. up in a SMALL PACKAGE! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! MEL rushes at Simon and swings around for the bulldog…but Simon counters with a SLINGSHOT BACKBREAKER!! The cover! ONE... TWO... THR-- NO! MEL gets the shoulder up. Simon has no trouble slamming MEL this time, dropping an elbow off the top afterward. ONE… TWO… Save by MARV. A tag is made and the Blonds treat MEL to a DOUBLE FEATURE… NO, HE ESCAPES IN MIDAIR AND DROPKICKS BOTH MEN! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" The Christ Air Express tag and MARV comes in a house afire. DOUBLE COCONUT sends the Blonds their separate ways. JAWJACKER on Ned leads to the cover. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! MARV rams Ned into the buckle hammers away from the middle rope as the fans count along. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... Creeping up from behind, Simon Singleton is drilled with a REVERSE DIVING HEADBUTT! COLE Oh, what ring awareness. COACH Yeah, it’s called luck. Blanchard staggers out towards mid-ring and a running cross body from MARV, but he hangs on and delivers a STUN GUN!!! ONE… TWO… THREE-- NO!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" NED :huh: Face-first into the knee of Simon Singleton goes MARV. The Blonds switch out, legally I might add, and B.O.S.S. chops MARV in the corner, and then whips him in for a standing dropkick that finds its mark. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Flat on his back after a vertical suplex MARV puts the KNEES UP as Simon comes down with a big splash, knocking the air out of him! “MARV!” “MARV!” “MARV!” COLE Listen to this great crowd urging on MARV. MEL and Maggie stand ready for the tag. On the flip side, only Ned is eager to accept the tag for his team. The Blonds are the first to make the tag, followed shortly thereafter by MARV who tags… MAGGIE!?! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Do you know what this means, Cole? COLE Mackenzie DeCenzo is automatically the legal person because it’s guys vs. guys and girls vs. girls. MACKENZIE :o MEL takes care of a stunned Ned Blanchard with a SWINGING BULLDOG, as Maggie hurls Mackenzie inside. MAGGIE :angry: MACKENZIE :o On her hands and knees, Mackie offers Maggie her diamond bracelet in exchange for being allowed to leave, but the OAOAST Women’s Champ wants none of that and delivers a mega BITCHSLAP! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Suddenly the rest of the ENTERPRISE hit the ring. Theodore Moneymaker blasting MEL from behind as CPA grabs a hold of Maggie. STOCKMARKET CRASH on MARV! * DINGDINGDING * Charles Robinson calls for the bell, but the Enterprise isn’t through yet. Theodore hands Mackie the OAOAST Women’s Championship which she uses to cold-cock Maggie! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What can of a human being hits somebody with a blunt object while another person holds them back? This is appalling! The Enterprise continue to do a number on the Nerdly clan as Molly keeps the Siclopse rolling instead of helping to put an end to the violence. The mayhem ends once OAOAST officials arrive on the scene. MONEYMAKER You see, Anglesault. This is only a taste of what happens to those who get on my bad side. Time is still on your side…but it’s running out quickly. COLE I’ve had enough of this man. Let’s go somewhere else. To the back or to a commercial. Anywhere I can’t see that man’s face.

* DINGDINGDING * BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit. Currently in the ring, the team of JACK MCDONALD and RONALD KING! Plain looking jobbers, King and McDonald’s wave to the crowd is meet with apathy. COACH Did you know McDonald and King are part of a trio, Cole? COLE I did not. COACH Yeah, they often team with a guy named Arby Denny. Hahahaha! COLE Oh, boy. What’s next, a sister named Wendy? COACH No, the greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of all time! [i][size=4][color="#FF0000"][b]HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT![/b][/color][/size][/i] Holly-Wood and Colonel Abdullah lead Synth and Logan to the ring. BUFFER Now playing, COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents in association with HOLLY-WOOD the GREATEST rock 'n' wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time… SYNTH ABDUL-JABBAR and LOGAN USHER MANN… THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Synth and Logan pose on the apron, then rush in and pummel their opponents. * DINGDINGDING * COLE The Heavenly Rockers not wasting anytime getting this one started. Synth dumps King outside and the Heavenly Rockers backdrop McDonald. Logan suplexes King back in as Synth chokes McDonald with his leather jacket. Referee Nick Patrick distracted by Colonel Abdullah’s effort to convert him. Now the Heavenly Rockers send Ronald King into the ropes and level him on the round with a DOUBLE SYNCHRONIZED DROPKICK! COACH That’s one tune he’ll have trouble remembering after getting kicked in the faced. McDonald is rammed into the buckle and worked over in the corner by a series of stinging left jabs courtesy of Logan Mann. The Macho MACHO Mann whips McDonald off again and catches him square in the heart with a back elbow. A tag is made and the :headbang: Synthmeister slams McDonald near the Heavenly Rockers corner. Up to the second turnbuckle he goes and, after pointing out his new spiked Arabic boots similar to ones worn in the past by the Iron Sheik, delivers a devastating SKYHOOK ELBOW DROP!! COACH Check out the hang time, Cole. No doubt because of the new Arabic combat boots personally given to him by Syrian President Bashar Assad on the recent trip he and the Colonel accompanied Jimmy Carter on in the Middle East. COLE :huh: The cover! ONE… TWO… Logan nails Ronald King with a WICKED LEFT HOOK~ as the jobber tries to breakup the pin, and then spikes him with a PERCUSSION DDT! THREE!!! BUFFER Here are your winners… THE HEAVENLYYYYY ROCKERS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Synth pops up and plays a little air guitar to celebrate. COLE An impressive win by the Heavenly Rockers as they look to climb back up the ladder in the tag team division. Standing by right now, our broadcast colleague Tony Brannigan with the man himself, Anglesault! We cut to our backstage interview position where both OAOAST Originals stand. BRANNIGAN ‘Sault, I’ve known you a long time and you’re the kind of guy who doesn’t take you-know-what from anybody. So what about the comments made last week by Theodore Moneymaker accusing you of having a vendetta for blocking his entrance into the tournament to determine who’ll face the OAOAST Champion next week on the Milan Spectacular. A tournament he now demands you cancel or suffer his wrath if you do not award him the title shot. ANGLESAULT Believe me, if I had a vendetta against Theodore Moneymaker he‘d know it. Contrary to Mr. Moneymaker’s belief, his money cannot gain him favors on the OAOAST Board of Directors or influence my decisions. Rejection is a hard pill to swallow, and based on Theodore’s reaction he agrees. Therefore I made the decision to bar Moneymaker from the tournament in the best interest of the OAOAST. BRANNIGAN Is that confirmation of Theodore Moneymaker’s allege blackmail attempt we’ve heard about on the OAOAST Hot Newzline? ANGLESAULT All I’ll say is I won’t be intimidated. BRANNIGAN Anything you can add to that? ANGLESAULT I've said enough already. Thank you for your time. AS exits. BRANNIGAN I guess that's all, folks.

The spotlight falls on OAOAST Original TONY BRANNIGAN in his best old school WWF “Mean” Gene Okerlund attire over at the INTERVIEW STAGE. BRANNIGAN Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Chairman and CEO of the Enterprise… THEODORE MONEYMAKER! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Dressed to the nines in a tailored suit, the Billion Dollar Heir is escorted by CPA as GNR’s [i]Sympathy for the Devil[/i] blares overhead. Brannigan welcomes his cousin with a handshake only to be snubbed. Ever the professional he lets it slide. BRANNIGAN Well Teddy, you asked for interview time. The forum is all yours. MONEYMAKER You got that right, cousin. I asked for time and being an influential TSM stockholder I was granted it ASAP. Now I don’t know whether these foreigners understand the words coming out of my mouth… COLE Listen to this man. He’s the foreigner here. MONEYMAKER …nor do I care because I know the one person who needs to understand will, and that’s the boss himself Anglesault. "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH They at least know that name. MONEYMAKER Unless you’ve been living under a rock lately, there‘s an ongoing tournament to determine the #1 contender to the OAOAST Championship. A tournament in which I was not invited to participate. If not for my attorneys there wouldn’t have been any Enterprise representation at all. Even then Anglesault placed conditions on our involvement. One, I couldn’t enter the tournament myself. Two, the Beverly Hills Blonds and I would be BARRED from ringside. Had that ruling not been in effect then I wouldn’t be out here raising a storm because Christian Wright would still in the running for a shot at the title. Instead that morally bankrupt Leon Rodez broke every rule in the book to advance onto the next round. And why? Why did Anglesault ban us last week? He won’t even clarify his ruling. The man is drunk on power. BRANNIGAN Perhaps it has something to do with the rampant speculation on the OAOAST Hot Newzline regarding an alleged blackmail plot to secure the #1 contendership immediately following AngleMania that led to your exclusion? MONEYMAKER I won’t even dignify that with a response. In fact, I ought to hire a private investigator to find whoever started that malicious rumor and sue them for everything they got. People assume my wealth guarantees anything my heart desires. And there’s nothing I desire more than MORE MONEY…BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!…and the OAOAST Championship. While it’d be simple for me to offer a generous sum in exchange for the title, it’s long been U.S. policy not to negotiate with terrorists and those who harbor them, i.e. you Anglesault. There’s no good reason why I should’ve been excluded from this tournament. You’ve gone and pissed off the one man who can take everything you hold dear. But your fate hasn’t been signed, sealed and delivered just yet. All you gotta do is CANCEL this tournament and AWARD ME the title shot at School‘s Out. In case you and your nickel and dime fans still don’t understand, I’ve hired a couple of celebrities not passed their prime to help, the greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of ALL TIME, Logan Usher Mann and Synth Abdul-Jabbar, the HEAVENLY ROCKERS! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Stage hands wheel out a set of DRUMS as the Heavenly Rockers take their places onstage. Synth behind the drums, Holly on guitar, Logan in front of the mic and Colonel Abdullah counting the wad of cash paid for the group‘s services. LOGAN Are you ready to rock? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" SYNTH Foreign dudes, ya’ll ready to roll? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" HOLLY You assholes ready for me to step on your pubes and spit in your mouth? "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" SYNTH And a 1 and a two and a 1, 2, 3. The Heavenly Rockers begin jamming, sounding more like a garage band than a mainstream act. LOGAN Anglesault, you’ve done Theodore Moneymaker wrong Anglesault, correct this wrong Anglesault, have you taken too many hits from the bong? HOLLY Too many hits from the bong? Too many hits from the bong? LOGAN Anglesault, we the people ask that you correct this wrong Do as we say and your life will go on Fight the power and meet the guillotine Your risk, our reward Now go and do the right thing! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MONEYMAKER :lol: Moneymaker shakes hands with the Colonel and Heavenly Rockers as [i]Sympathy for the Devil[/i] cues. COLE Theodore Moneymaker spent who knows how much for that? COACH What are you talking about, Cole? That single’s gonna shoot up the charts in no time. Do the right thing, boss. Cancel the tournament and award Teddy the title shot at School’s Out. COLE How will Anglesault response upon hearing this? Hopefully we'll find out later tonight. * BREAK *

We SWOOP~ over to MAGGIE NERDLY atop the world famous INTERVIEW STAGE. The OAOAST Women’s Champion proudly displaying the belt around her waist. MAGGIE Hey ya’ll. My guest at this time is a man with a whole lot of explaining to do. “THE TEXAS TWISTER” JOCK MULLIGAN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Looking nothing like the Gunslinger we’ve come to know and love, a bandana wearing Jock Mulligan walks out to no music in sandals, a tank top and the tightest short shorts that leave little to the imagination. COLE Jock Mulligan unaccustomed to this reception, the result of his actions one week ago. COACH It was a long time coming, Cole. Jock carried the team while Baron and Melody took all the credit. COLE You’ve got to be kidding me. That young man obviously craved individual stardom and was perfectly fine destroying his relationship with close friends he considered family in order to achieve it. Now at the podium Jock mugs for the camera before staring Maggie in the eye. JOCK First of all, it's about damn time you started earning your pay around here instead of hanging out backstage all the time with that boyfriend of yours. Now I can tell you're dying to know the answer to a question you’re too embarrassed to ask. Well the answer is there’s no stuffing going on here. I come as advertise. What you see is what you’d get. And I do love me some of me. Don’t you? MAGGIE No! I want to know what’s gotten into you? You used to be such a nice guy. Now all of a sudden you’ve turned into a major dick. JOCK Mr. Dick to you. MAGGIE Well excuse me, [i]Mr. Dick[/i]. Aren’t you the least bit remorseful about what you did? JOCK Just what did I do? [b][size=3]OAOAST BACKTRACKER[/b][/size] [b][color="#FF8C00"]LAST WEEK ON ABDULLAH NERDLY’S[/color][/b] [color="#008080"][font="Impact"]HOUSE OF WORSHIP[/font][/color] [quote]BANDIT KICK levels Baron Windels. Restrained by Abdullah, Melody watches as Jock taunts her and Baron, and then HURLS BARON THROUGH THE STAINED GLASS WINDOWii![/quote] JOCK I should be remorseful because instead of fighting like a man Baron Windels desecrated a House of Worship by using his body to break a window to escape? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MAGGIE That’s not what the footage showed. JOCK Because the producers of the show manipulated it. I was talking with Simon Singleton earlier today and he explained all the different ways you can edit a scene to your liking. Of course, as the sister of Melody you’re already biased so wouldn’t care about my character being distorted. But to understand how I operate you first need to know the story of Jock Mulligan. All my life I’ve been the man. I was the star quarterback, the coolest kid in school, the guy every chick dreamt of and every guy wishes he was. Then I got tired of the whole team concept. You know, there’s no “I” in team? Well there is in Jock Mulligan! “Mr. Dick” Jock Mulligan that is. So I decided to become a professional wrestler. After a few months down in OAOVW I’m sent along with a couple of other graduates to Japan for seasoning. There some Jackie Chan looking chump from HI-YAH begged me to team with some 6’7” homesick American named Baron Windels. I had my own dreams, my own goals, and here I get saddled with some stiff who doesn’t know the difference between a wristlock and a wristwatch. No problem. Being the athlete that I am I made chicken salad out of chicken shit and we go on become one of the best tag teams HI-YAH ever saw. Once that joint got bought out by the OAOAST we returned home. And how does he thank me? By saddling us with a broad who’d rather play video games than make sure I was ready to compete that night! Well I got tired of sitting back and letting other people take credit for all my hard work. It’s time that I become the superstar I deserve to be. All you so-called OAOAST Superstars need to look in the mirror and ask yourselves one question: Are you man enough to handle The Dick? Maggie shakes her head in disgust as “Mr. Dick” Jock Mulligan taunts the fans. COACH A star was just born in front of our very eyes, Mikey. COLE And a major pain in the ass.

A Muslim CALL TO PRAYER blaring in the background, we pan in on the holiest of sites, Abdullah Nerdly’s [color="#008080"][font="Impact"][size=5]HOUSE OF WORSHIP[/size][/font][/color]. Guided to the podium by his bevy of virgins, the Inspirational Leader kisses the ground and then blesses the hostile crowd. COLE Who does this guy think he is, the Pope? COACH No, but the Pope sure as hell wishes he was Abdullah Nerdly, the most respected and influential spiritual guide in the planet. He’s also one heck of a promoter. ABDULLAH Thank you my virgins, and welcome... welcome indeed to my House of Worship. Tonight’s live sermon deals with the importance of UNDERSTANDING. But before I go any further I ask that you bow your heads and join me in moment of silence in fond remembrance of the former One & Only tag team champions, the Heavenly Rockers, whose reign brought joy to millions worldwide. The Colonel holds back tears as he pays tribute to Synth and Logan. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE You won’t find too many people mourning your the loss, Colonel. COACH I suppose your one of them? COLE All I’ll say is the Heavenly Rockers got what they had coming. With the snap of his fingers, one of the virgins wipes away the tears running down Abdullah’s cheeks. ABDULLAH On a more upbeat note, the Heavenly Rockers congratulate Theodore Moneymaker and his Enterprise on their victory at AngleMania. One of the few bright spots that evening in L.A. But enough about the past, let’s focus on the present and the relationship of my guests this week. Accompanied by my wicked half sister MELODY NERDLY, here are Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels… THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGERS! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" ABDULLAH I welcome you publicly but pray for your violent demise privately. Allah willing. MELODY Nice to see you too…big brother. ABDULLAH (laughs) Nothing you say can rattle me tonight…little sis…because unlike yourself or Baron Windels I UNDERSTAND. I UNDERSTAND you’re a nuisance. I UNDERSTAND Baron’s a stubborn Texan. BARON Now you listen and listen real good, Abdullah. Melody and I didn’t come on your show to be insulted. In case you forgot, and it seems you have, all parties agreed to be civilized to each other. Make no mistake about it, there’s no love lost here. ABDULLAH I remind you, sir, this is a House of Worship and I am a man of peace. Threats of any kind will not be tolerated. BARON Well then I suggest you stay on point and refrain from personal attacks, or I may just end up sending you to those 72 virgins sooner than expected. "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" ABDULLAH :angry: COACH After being reminded he’s standing on holy ground, I cannot believe that bully would threaten our Inspirational Leader’s life. COLE Our? Speak for yourself. Abdullah Nerdly isn’t a shaman but a sham. The Colonel adjusts his collar and faces Jock Mulligan. ABDULLAH Brother Jock, as the only other fair-minded person here, your thoughts on playing second-- No, no, no… THIRD fiddle to the Baron and Melody Show? MELODY :huh: Prepared to answer the question Baron steps in front of Jock. BARON (to Jock) Hold on a second, brother. (to Abdullah) What the hell kind of question is that? The Lone Star Gunslingers are a team. It’s one for all and all for one. ABDULLAH Then why freeze Jock out of a tag match and treat him as a baby? BARON Jock’s like my little brother, man. JOCK Little brother? I’m a grown man. BARON I know you are, bro. I’m just saying how you, me and Melody view each other as family. JOCK Yeah, but your little brother?! It certainly explains a lot though. The last few weeks you’ve been “protecting” me… it was keep me in your shadow because little brother Jock was beginning to outshine big brother. Is that it? BARON That’s the farthest thing from the truth, man. You were hurt. Everyone in this company knows you’ve got a bright future. I couldn’t let you risk that by competing in meaningless match. JOCK Jesus, Baron, your problems are my problems but my problems aren’t yours? I mean, you got us into war with the Heavenly Rockers -- a war YOU lost -- and I was there fighting with you to the bitter end. Yet when I get into a firefight with the Enterprise it’s meaningless? MELODY Jock, please. JOCK Here we go again. Melody Nerdly sticking her nose in other people’s business. You want meaningless. Look no further than Miss Melody for meaningless. MELODY :o Abdullah nods approvingly and quite ecstatically. JOCK You know what? Hindsight being 20/20, I regret apologizing for spitting at you at AngleMania. I’m sorry, but your half brother is right… you are a nuisance. COLE I can’t believe what I’m hearing. BARON Jock, listen to yourself, man. You're being a dick. JOCK You got it wrong, big man. I’m doing something I should’ve done a long time ago. BANDIT KICK levels Baron Windels. Restrained by Abdullah, Melody watches as Jock taunts her and Baron, and then HURLS BARON THROUGH THE STAINED GLASS WINDOWii! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Melody rushes to Baron’s side after being released, the lone Gunslinger bleed profusely. As EMTs and OAOAST officials arrive on the scene Jock grabs the HOW mic. JOCK Now [I]that’s[/I] being a dick. ABDULLAH :wub: "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Get this man -- and I say that loosely -- out of here. Jock Mulligan, you're a dick! Let’s go to break or something.

Abdullah Nerdly will hold a special service at his House of Worship; guests the Lone Star Gunslingers

Not yet at least. * cue ominous music * IIRC, I'm the last guy to have feuded w/AS. And I still apologize for using the Weinermobile as part of that feud. I said I wouldn't do anything crazy and I did.

Highly entertaining show. As Patty said, on par with last year’s event. Cool and elaborate opening. The kind a mega show like AM deserves. Had no idea Maggie is now the Women‘s Champ. Checked the title history thread and saw no mention of it. Patty didn’t half ass the show that’s for sure, breaking out the OAOAST Originals/celebrities, DVD advertisements and a hilarious interview with TT. Burrough Boys vs. TK & Reject: Took us 6 years but we finally had our SD Jones/King Kong Bundy moment, or Chavo/Kane depending on your view. Love Generation vs. Cucaracha International: Kick ass bout. The 450 spot was tremendous. It’d make a helluva visual. James Cone vs. Jester: Good stuff from one of the best writers here. Team Heyross vs. Heavenly Rockers: Talk about finally. For years I’ve called Team Heyross one of the best tag teams on the roster and yet they never held the titles…until now. About damn time. That coming from the man who had the power to make it happen long ago. But hey, we eventually got it done! Alfdogg vs. Sandman: This was brutal in a good way. at the hoodie. Landon Maddix vs. Todd Cortez: These guys channeled Ricky Steamboat/Randy Savage and stole the show IMO. Damn was that Warrior promo great. Mr. Warrior for World Champion! Bohemoth vs. Zack Malibu: Bo probably has more than just adrenaline flowing through his veins. Anyway, this was awesome beyond words. Loved the Iron Claw/power bomb spot, but the ending? Tell me Bo isn’t turning heel. Krista vs. Alix: Another epic bout here, resulting in the reunion of COD. Vinny Valentine vs. Mr. Warrior: Real or fake, you won’t ever see a cool down match this hot. Match of the Night: Pick any match from the show and you wouldn't be wrong, but I'm going to go with the one that had me cracking up... Vinny Valentine vs. Mr. Warrior Quote of the Show: “And not letting go! He better squeeze tightly, or he'll lose control!”

Brought to you by American Express Taped: March 13th, 2008 Aired: March 29 (check local listings) Hosted by: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Announce team: Maggie Nerdly and Tony Brannigan?!? Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan The final OAOAST show before the Teenager Father of Them All opened with “Hooray for Hollywood” accompanying a brief montage featuring some of L.A.'s well known landmarks (Hollywood sign, Walk of Fame, Mann Chinese Theater, etc). Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura then welcome us aboard a double decker bus dubbed the AngleMania Express on their way to the site of AngleMania VII, the LA Memorial Coliseum. We’re quickly reminded AngleMania is “only hours away” and urged to contact our cable/satellite provider to order now if yet to do so, prompting Jesse to quip, “You mean there are such people?” Indeed they are, Jesse. Indeed they are. The guys finished up by hyping today's card, including Zack Malibu in action and Logan Mann of the Heavenly Rockers vs. Quentin Benjamin of Team Heyross in our feature bout. ***Bohemoth-VS- Dennis Huckleberry*** The 270+ pound redneck was no match for the Metrosexual Monster, who only needed 30 seconds to put his opponent away with the Erotic Awakening of B as Zack Malibu observed backstage in a bout lifted from the little known syndicated B-show OAOAST Pro Wrestling (as the entire in ring portion of the show was due to Tony and Jesse being on location). Thankfully additional voice-over work was done by Maggie Nerdly and Tony Brannigan, who surprisingly aren't that bad, for the sake of continuity. Winner: Bohemoth, via pinfall FROM THE GOSSIP HEARD ON THE OAOAST HOT NEWZLINE, HOT HOT HOT... HOT NEWZ~! It was back to Tony and Jesse aboard the AM Express for this week's Hot Newz segment focusing on the feud between former partners Alix Maria Spezia and Krista Isadora Duncan. Referring to Hollywood as his town, Jesse notes the media frenzy surrounding this bout. “Nobody’s even talking about the other matches, and those are big matches, Tony.” This leads to clichéd and often untrue statement of how X and X match could “main event anywhere in the world” from Schiavone, and then late breaking Hot Newz about the parents of Alix petitioning the OAOAST Board of Directors to prevent her from competing at AngleMania and encouraging her to enter a rehabilitation center (guess you can‘t say drug on syndicated TV). Then a special video look chronicling the rise and fall of COD set to Love Hurts by Nazareth. “What is this, 1978?” Another reason why Jesse is the best in the business. #~OAOAST presents ANGLEMANIA VII~# THIS WEEKEND!! ***Lone Star Gunslingers w/Melody Nerdly & Christ Air Express-VS- Los Conquistadors, Scottish Scott and Danny Boy*** Looking to enter AngleMania with some momentum on their side, the Lone Star Gunslingers tagged with their AM teammates the Christ Air Express to earn a trip back to the pay window in. Having learned their lesson this past Thursday, Jock and Baron were once again on the same page and it showed as they delivered their best performance in over a month. Los Conquistadors were the unfortunate recipients of the Gunslingers brand of justice, getting nailed with every big move in their arsenal before Dos was put away with the Lone Star Lasso. Winners: Lone Star Gunslingers & Christ Air Express, via pinfall (3:17) Alix Maria Spezia's cover of "Californication" welcomed us to the AngleMania VII Control Center with host Macho Man Randy Savage featuring sound bites from various competitors. ~OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship~ Stephen Joseph Popick © -vs- Tha Puerto Rican ~First Time Ever: COD Explode!~ Krista Isadora Duncan -vs- Alix Maria Spezia We hear from Krista in front of a grey background. KRISTA I can't believe it's gotten this far. Here we are, the weekend of AngleMania, and my worst fear is about to be realized as I'll have to fight the woman I thought I'd be with for the rest of my life. It didn't have to be this way Alix. You didn't have to sell out. Look at what you've not only done to me but our fans as well. I've opened up more the past few months than I ever did when during our time together. So if I can change you can change too. You still have a few more hours to think about it. And Mackenzie, you dirty rotten little [bleep]. if you ever think about sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, you better not worry about breaking a nail but bones! Now the forum belongs to Alix Spezia and Mackenzie DeCenzo. As the Hollywood Bad Girl prepares to speak, Mackie cuts her off. MACKENZIE Allow me, baby. Don't waste your breath on her. She isn't worth. Krista, you're in no position to be making threats. In case you've forgotten, I'm as wealthy as you and have far greater connections. You touch me and your relationship with Alix won't be the only thing over, so will your career! ALIX Look into a mirror, Krista, and you'll see the exterior of a stone cold [bleep] melting! You're starting to crack in front of our very eyes. Pretty soon it'll be L.A.'s finest paying you a visit on a 5150 call. Lucky for you AngleMania is being held in MY hometown. Perhaps we'll show pity and place that call after I run your tush out of the OAOAST forever! ~One On One Grudge Match~ Zack Malibu -vs- Bohemoth ~OAOAST Heartland Championship~ Sandman9000 © -vs- Alfdogg We cut to Sandman9000 "training" for his upcoming match by raising hell in a junkyard. Then over to Alfdogg for his comments. ALFDOGG Sandman, you are without a doubt one of the toughest and sickest individuals to ever set foot in a wrestling ring. But this weekend at AngleMania VII you're stepping in there with the man who has held the Heartland title on more occasions than anyone else and a two-time World Champion to boot. Your style of wrestling doesn't intimidate me one bit. If it's blood and guts you want, then it's what you'll get at AngleMania. ~OAOAST One And Only World Tag Team Championships~ The Heavenly Rockers © -vs- Team Heyross ~Stairway To Oblivion II~ James "Lunar Phoenix" Cone -vs- Jester ~8-Man Tag Mayhem~ The Enterprise vs. The Lone Star Gunslingers & Christ Air Express ~Cool Off Match~ Vinny Valentine vs. Mister WARRIOR VINNY Quack Quack! The Disco Duck has stepped over the velvet rope and into the TV studio to lay down the truth on you phony squares. Here's the skinny on that Anglemania beat, baby! I know what you gotta be thinking, “Hey Vin man your sexy to max for sure! A hip cat like you has got be jivin all day in the city of night! You need to be laying your boogie shoes down with the biggest c-lebs, Scott Baio, Mario Lopez, Scott Bakula. Real A List type of cats and catettes. Not laying them boogie shoes on WARRIOR's chumped out face.” Wrong! That spaz WARRIOR has been bogus to the max and put a serious cramp on the disco duck style I drive the tasties up the wall with. The disco ball on a pole match was gonna be my crowning moment, my staying alive, my Macho Man, and then WARRIOR came out from that crazy smoke and wrecked the whole scene. Ever since then he's been houndin the disco duck itchin for a fight. WARRIOR if its a fight you want, its a BUTT kicking you're gonna get! 'Cause the disco duck knows how to get awwww sooky sooky now! We see MISTER WARRIOR on the beaches of Hawaii beneath him lies the bloodied bodies of six deceased sharks, which we're supposed to assume he killed with his bare hands. WARRIOR Vinny Valentine I kill in cold blood for the sweet smell of your burning corpse in monument in the village square of One Rainbow Warrior Nation, and you innards feasted on by the loyal subjects of the land! Wonder to your brain stem, child of man, how can you prepare for the forecasted tsunami of murder your lies and indirections have conjured? Should you climb the highest mountain and let the flock of bald eagles devour your eyeballs? Should you go into the deepest jungles of the Amazon and be speared through the intestines by the jungle tribe? Should you crawl through the deserts of Egypt until the vultures disguised as sin and gluttony chew your flesh from bone? No Vinny Valentine! All hope is lost when the mothership leaps into warp drive and from an escape battle shuttle MISTER WARRIOR burns through the atmosphere to do the justice of the abnormals! Justice of the winds! Justice of the earth! Justice of the fire! Justice of the Ice! Justice of the fifth intangible element that binds all the chosen children to the embers of fate! As I stood in the death embrace of gods, the overseeing truths of the One Rainbow Warrior Nation, they gave the noose to hang the unchosen children and prophized this message, up, down, left, right, there is no direction to hide the disco duck from the mothership's ultimate weapon, MISTER WARRIOR. Following the break it was the HeldDOWN~! recap. With only 3 days to go till AngleMania a ton of stuff went down. Stuff I'd share had I read the show, but it was late! ***The Enterprise w/CPA-VS- The All-American Boys & Los Diablos de Fuego*** Perhaps looking ahead to their 8-man showdown at AngleMania, the Enterprise found themselves in a battle early but ultimately prevailed over Borders Without Fences in 4:36 after Freedom was locked in the Bank Vault (pretty clever I know). Simon Singleton was the MVP of the match, bumping around like crazy for the AABs and Los Diablos. The turning point came when Ned Blanchard reversed an Irish whip and Christian Wright drove a knee into the small of Freedom’s back. Theodore Moneymaker only entered once the damage was done, proving once again why he's the successful business man that he is. Let somebody else do the hard work and reap the reward. Winners: The Enterprise, via submission After the replay it was straight to Abdullah Nerdly's HOUSE OF WORSHIP. This week’s guests were none other than "the most powerful couple in the world today," One & Only Undisputed World Champion Stephen Joseph and his wife Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick. "The One & Only Champ is here!" boasted SJP, who laid the verbal smackdown -- same stuff we've heard for weeks on HD -- on his former best friend that included a crack from Lindsay about her ex-fiance's stamina. #~OAOAST presents ANGLEMANIA VII~# IN CASE YOU FORGOT, IT'S THIS WEEKEND!! ***Quentin Benjamin-VS- Logan “Macho MACHO” Mann*** Our feature bout of the week started as a wrestling match but degenerated into a brawl that resulted in a double disqualification after both men's respective partners got involved. Logan Mann tried to silent critics who say the Heavenly Rockers aren't gifted technical wrestlers by grappling with Quentin Benjamin to start, but all he did was prove them right as the decorated All-American wrestled circles around him. The Macho MACHO Mann then went to plan B and eventually all hell broke loose as neither side was afraid to bend the rules. Synth fired the first shot, placing Logan's foot on the bottom rope after Benjamin thought he had the match won with the Exploder Suplex. But the real fireworks came when Charlie Moss held onto his partner as Logan went for the DDT. Quentin fell on top for the cover, but Synth yanked the referee out and leveled by a forearm shot from Moss. Both men began to brawl outside, though it was only a matter of time before the action spilled into the ring, leaving the referee no other choice but to call for the bell as all four men continued to fight. Official Decision: Double DQ (8:47) ANGLEMANIA MOMENT: Zack Malibu defeats Anglesault for the OAOAST Championship at AngleMania II, his first of three title reigns. ***Zack Malibu-VS- Brian Douglas*** Cue "Getting Away With Murder" and the loudest pop in the history of OAOAST Syndicated. As Malibu made his way down the aisle Maggie plugged the current issue of OAOAST The Magazine with Zack Malibu and family on the cover and his match at AngleMania with Bohemoth. Unlike Zack earlier, Bo chose to watch Zack up close ringside. That only caused the Franchise to step up his game and score the 1-2-3 with School's Out in 29 seconds, which he was quick to let Bo know about since it was second under his time. Cool as ever, Bo stands pat, smirking at the man he’ll meet this weekend at the teenager father of them all, AngleMania. Winner: Zack Malibu, via pinfall PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATION PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING: Gillette-The Best a Man Can Get Beauty Crush, Alix Maria Spezia's debut CD As the AngleMania Express pulled up in front of the LA Memorial Coliseum, Tony and Jesse gave us their final thoughts, with Schiavone promising it'll be the greatest night in the history of our sport, before tossing it back to Tony Brannigan inside the area for a podium interview with Tha Puerto Rican to close the show. PR goes over his journey one last time before guaran-damn-teeing the millions...and MILLIONS...of his fans that once the smoke clears and the dust settles, 100,000 people will be standing in unison as his hand is rased in victory. The champion. Finally.

The Enterprise vs. LSGS & CAE

Theodore Moneymaker & Christian Wright vs. The Lone Star Gunslingers