Tony149

We leave Indianapolis and go all the way across the US of A to Los Angeles, Californ-i-a. Our image is that of Krista Isadora Duncan's front lawn, where crisp patterns of finely manicured greenery play out across a solid ground of pebbles, sand, and brick. The house in all it's splendor. Situated at the edge of estate behind a white ribbon and underneath a sign marked “FINISH” is the coveted 24/7 title. Sitting next to the finish line in two lawn chairs are our announcers for this unusual contest.... Terry Taylor! And Krista Isadora Duncan! TAYLOR Whew! It's Run For The Gold time! This match probably would've been on sooner, but well, Krista and I had a bit of a uh, well, a nooner. KRISTA LIES! You had a “nooner”. I had an inadvertent front row seat and that's the last time I allow you into my bedroom. Fixing the loose knob on my underwear drawer my ass. TAYLOR Well! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to land of the rich and famous, Beverly Hills, California! We are at the glamorous estate of Hollywood superstar, Krista Isadora Duncan, for the second annual Run for the Gold! This year it's the 24/7 title that is on the line! Krista, you look ravishing tonight. KRISTA I always look ravishing. When I was girl and I won Miss Teen California, they said I looked like a young Ava Gardner. TAYLOR I never knew you won Miss Teen California. KRISTA Oh sure, a few of the other girls met with unfortunate and bloody endings just days before the contest began, and sure the DA may have wanted to link the bloody ax the cops found in my room to the murders, but a jury of my peers found the weapon to be purely coincidental and acquitted me on all charges. TAYLOR (going pale) That story was a joke, right? KRISTA Maybe so, maybe no. The point is I've always been ravishing. Even as a fetus I was gorgeous. My sonogram could've been a Playboy Centerfold. A lot of people say I look like Charlize Theron. Wrong. Krista never imitates. Charlize stole her appearance from me. But I begrudge her nothing. If you're going to copy someone, make it the most gorgeous person in America. Me. I'm beautiful, I could get a priest to ditch his vow of celibacy with a wink of my eye. I could make an archbishop buy a lap dance. Krista pulls out a compact mirror and begins to admire herself. When she gets like this it's pretty much impossible to get her to focus on anything but herself so Terry takes over. TAYLOR Well, then! Fans, the rules of a Run For The Gold are easy to understand. Each wrestler starts off in the back yard, and will race to the rear entrance of Krista's mansion. Once inside the house, they have to make their way out into the front yard, and head to the finish line. The first person to cross the finish line is the 24/7 champion! Let's go to the backyard for the start of the contest! KRISTA (speaking to her reflection in baby talk) Aren't you just the cutest little thing? Yes you are! Yes you are! Mommy, loves you so much. Yes she does. Yes she does! We're given a birds eye view of Krista's spacious rear yard, showing us how much ground the wrestlers have to cover before they reach the house. Dutifully attending to Krista's golf course worthy lawn are a fleet of gardeners. Somehow these men remain oblivious to the fact that a wrestling match is about to occur in their work space, despite the presence of camera crews, referees, and half naked muscular men. Regardless of the lawn care workers questionable state of mind, the show must go on! Thus we throw it over to little Maya Olivia Myrick (Myrick being Krista's real last name), for the opening introductions. MAYA The following contest is a run for the gold for the two hundred forty seven title! Am I really on TV? Can I say hi to my friend Susan? Hi Susan, I'm on TV! KRISTA That's my girl! She's wonderful, isn't she, Terry? TERRY She's adorable, Krista, you should be proud. MAYA The first wrestler is from Venice Beach, California! Hey, I'm from California! We're from the same state! This man weighs two hundred twenty five pounds, and his name is Biff Atlas! My Aunt Clara lives in Venice Beach, do you know my Aunt Clara? Biff, dressed in a ludicrous straw hula skirt, and matching vine ankle bracelets, does an even more ludicrous hula dance, to no one's delight. MAYA The second wrestler is from Fort Lauderdale, Florida! He's two hundred and sixty seven pounds! His name is Flex Phillips. Hi, Flex, it's nice to meet you! Wearing his usual aqua colored wrestling trunks, Flex strikes a pose that's intended on being menacing, but couldn't intimidate a small child. And it doesn't, because Maya laughs at him. MAYA The third wrestler is my third favorite wrestler in the whole wide world, I have a poster of him hanging on my wall. He's also from California, like me, but he lives in Laguna Beach which is a couple miles down the road in Orange County. I told mommy I wanna go, but she says she doesn't want to drive on highway five traffic. Anyway he weighs one hundred and ninety pounds. He is Melvin Nerdly! Do you think we can hang out after your race is over, Melvin? Maybe we can go to the mall with my friend Susan! Melvin, sporting his usual white jeans with paint splotches, blows a kiss to Maya who goes absolutely gaga over the gesture. MAYA The fourth wrestler is also my third favorite wrestler, and he's from Laguna Beach also, but he wasn't on the TV show Laguna Beach, which I really like because I think Stephen is hot. But I think Marvin is hot also. Ooops, I just said his name. Sorry! Do you wanna go to the mall with me and Melvin, Marvin? You can be Susan's date and we can double date and go see a movie. But mommy says I'm not allowed to go out on a date until I'm forty five. Wearing the same outfit as his brother, Marvin Nerdly bows to his adoring fan, while Flex scoffs in the background. MAYA The next guy is from Grand Rapids which is in Michigan. And he's Jade's brother, and I like Jade, she's really funny and nice, and she sends me postcards from different places, and she's just awesome. Her brother's weight is two hundred and twenty eight pounds, and his name is the douche! KRISTA Oh lord, I see that she's been eavesdropping on my phone conversations again. Leon, outfitted in white tennis shoes and black workout pants, just holds his head down and sighs. Phillips sizes Leon up with a murderous glare, no doubt branding the babyface as the man who stands the greatest chance of challenging him for the 24/7 title. MAYA Finally it's my Auntie Alix! She's the champ! She's from LA just like me. Hi, Auntie Alix! Alix, in a grey t-shirt that reads I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND and a denim mini skirt, waves to little Maya. KRISTA Great job, Maya! Well done, sweetie! MAYA Auntie Alix, are you ready? Melvin, are you ready? Marvin, are you ready? Douche, are you ready? Other two guys, are you ready? Then on your mark....get set.....GO! BANG!!!! A nearby referee fires a pistol, commencing this unorthodox race. The warriors zoom towards the house, knowing that the object of their desires lies beyond that complex and in the front yard. Leon seems to move the fastest, and manages to create quite a bit of distance between himself and the pack. A sly smile slips onto his face as it's starting to look like regaining the 24/7 title might be a little easier then he thought. Unfortunately he's unable to leave his slow poke enemies in the dust because a gardener on a John Deere riding mower recklessly zip in front of him, nearly slicing his feet off! A quick moving Rodez narrowly escapes the catastrophic disaster. Although he's not one to get angry, Leon can certainly think of a few choice words to hurl at the bothersome fellow. KRISTA Pedro, you fool! He's not Kuta Kente! This isn't Roots! Don't chop his foot off! Get the weed wacker, and go for the throat, damn it! Patience all but depleted, Leon prepares to yell at the intrusive twit to move out of the way. But what winds up leaving his lips is a loud “Ooomph” as Flex Phillips floors him with a lariat to the back! Flex's ally, Biff, stops his own pursuit of the title long enough to see if his partner needs any assistance in obliterating the grounded Rodez. But Flex assures him that he has everything under his sinister control, and Biff trots away to attend to his own creepy business. TAYLOR Flex had his eye on Leon this whole time. Even before the race started he was sizing him up. I think he knows that Leon is his main competition. While Rodez writhes in anguish on the lush greenery, Flex roughly yanks the bewildered gardener off the mower in order to commandeer it for his own purposes. He ignores the grousing of the worker, and hops onto the vehicle's yellow seat while eying Leon with predatory intent. The engine purrs ominously, and it becomes readily apparent that Phillips is planning to use the mower's blades to turn poor Leon into silky smooth hamburger! TAYLOR Kris, he wouldn't! KRISTA Oh, yes he would. Now if there was a celebrity homicide in my backyard, would that increase or decrease my property value? Alix, sharply aware of Flex's aim, bravely darts across the lawn to aid Leon, who's fear seems to have rooted him in his spot. She springs into the air and lands perfectly on Flex's expansive back, taking the steroid charged meathead by surprise. As veins of anger erupt on her forehead, she tangles her arms around his thick neck, choking him out in revenge for trying to kill Leon. The sudden shock of having an extra one hundred and thirty pounds on his back, and a vice grip on his neck, saturates Flex with panic. This panic clouds his thought process and provokes him to slam on the accelerator in an unwise effort to ditch the bubbly redhead. The vehicle angrily careens forward like a bumper car, nearly reducing the workers, who are scarcely able to avoid it's chaotic path, to bits and pieces. The mower zooms past the fallen and frightened workers, and takes itself on a kamikaze trip towards the swimming pool. Leon's alarmed eyes watch in sheer horror as Alix and Flex fail miserably in their final effort to steer the green beast away from the blue lagoon. KRISTA Ah, the pool. A drunk Chad Smith of the Red Hot Chili Peppers once did a cannonball off the roof of the cabana all the way to the pool. The pool wasn't filled with water at the time. Screams of horror spew from the lips of Alix and Flex as they dive over the edge of the pool, and into the chlorine filled abyss. A pillar of water erupts when the duo and their automobile plunge into the depths of the aquatic void. Their shouting is muffled thanks to the mass of water that invades their lungs. All traces of them, both audio and visual, disappear beneath the shimmering ocean. A bewildered fog seems to settle over Leon's glassy eyes. He looks around, not fully comprehending what just happened to his girlfriend or the man who was seeking to chop him into bits. KRISTA Oh no! Alix! Jesus Christ, Terry! Do you think she's okay?! TAYLOR I don't know, it looked like she kind of managed to dive off at the last second, and go into the pool on her own, unlike Flex Phillips... KRISTA Who the hell is Flex Phillips? Stop making things up and focus, man, focus! My poor Alix! Back on land, Marvin Nerdly is pursuing the crown prince of hair care, Biff Atlas, across the lawn. The Western Canadian quickly gains on the fleeing hair fetishist, his legs a blur of superhuman speed, hurling him after his adversary. Within seconds both wrestlers reach the entrance of the tennis court, where Marv makes sure to note the tennis ball machine resting behind the net. TAYLOR (looking around) Hey, what's that barking sound? KRISTA Oh, my puppy is flirting with my rabbit again. TAYLOR Doesn't he know that's a male rabbit? KRISTA Don't judge my puppy. Tapping hidden reserves of strength and speed, Marvin lunges forward and tackles Atlas. His arms grip tightly onto the bodybuilder and they topple into the entrance of the court, their combined momentum knocking the chain link door off it's hinges! KRISTA Ding ding ding ding dong! TAYLOR What are you doing? KRISTA I always thought that door should have a bell that goes off when you open it. And now it does. Ding ding ding dong! Unfortunately now the door is on the ground, rendering my bell sound effects obsolete. Locked in a mortal death grip, the pair go flying into the court, and nose dive onto the cement surface. The vicious landing violently separates the brawlers, and they roll away from each other before scrambling to their feet. The warriors face off in the center of the court, flaunting demonic fangs and clenched fists, eager to pound each other into submission. Marv feels a sudden pang of vulnerability as he watches his rival pick up a nearby tennis racket. “Fore!” Biff screams, unaware that you say “fore” in golf, not tennis. Regardless of his dimwitted comments, Atlas makes like Venus Williams and sends an overhand smash into Marvin's skull, ripping shockwaves of pain throughout his slender body. KRISTA Ah, the racket! TAYLOR Let me guess, signed by Pete Sampras and given to you as a birthday gift by Debbie Harry of Blondie. KRISTA Actually I found it in a dumpster in San Diego. And a dumpster is where I'll leave your battered and beaten body if you ever sass me like that again. Wu-Tang forever, Terry. Having now discarded the racket, Biff coils his hands around the Laguna Beach native's throat and casually chucks him over the net! Upon landing Marv finds himself rolling down the court, and the rough surface slices through his skin, opening tiny cuts on his arm. However he's able to halt his spiraling retreat and he springs to his feet, where he meets Biff, who's stepping over the net, with a frenzy of forearm smashes. Yet these rapid fire shots do little to damage Atlas, and with one mighty swing of his fist he sends Marvin plumetting to the ground. Now lying in a heap of baby oil, expensive jeans, and high lighted hair, The Marv painfully wonders if he's just been hit by a punch or a runaway train. Runaway train never coming back. Wrong way on a one way track. Seems like I should be getting somewhere. Somehow I'm neither here nor there. TAYLOR I could be wrong, but I have the feeling that NRG could be the next breakout team here in the OAOAST. KRISTA Are you for real? Do they actually pay you to spout these nuggets of utter stupidity? One of 'em just drove a lawn mower into my swimming pool, and the other is wearing a hula skirt that's two sizes too short on the same day he decided to free ball it. TAYLOR It's just a matter of opinion, Kris. KRISTA No, it's a matter of you smoking rocks. Are we going to have our next run for the gold when we visit you in rehab? Lord knows, I'll be headed there soon. Maybe we can be roommates. We can be the rehab version of Laverne and Shirley. (singing) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, schlimiel, schlimazel, hasenpfeffer, incorporated. We're gonna do it! Atlas reaches down, clamps his hand around Nerdly's throat, and drags him upwards. He extends the hunky grappler out, smiling ruefully while Marv's talons slash against the arm that holds him aloft. Suddenly a sharp pain rings around Biff's body, as a mysterious object crashes into his lower back. Atlas groans nosily as his back is struck three more times by the unidentified tools of destruction. The unexpected emergence of the weapons momentarily confuses Atlas. And the second of uncertainty causes his hold on Marv to loosen just enough to permit the Sk8r to worm his way free of the embrace. Marv lands perfectly on his Nike sneakers and shouts, “Dodge this!” right before he unloads on Biff with a superkick. Marv's shoe collides with a dumbfounded Biff full on, lifting him clear off his bare feet, and propelling him backwards. Fortunately the net manages to break Biff's fall, otherwise his tanned skin would've been shredded by the green cement surface. With Atlas out of the way, the camera is able to show us who and what saved Marvin from Biff's chokeslam. Marvin's savior is none other then his twin brother, Melvin, who's manning the tennis ball machine that rocketed yellow balls at Biff. “Thanks, dude!” Marvin hollers. Rather then simply say “no problem”, which would be the brotherly thing to do, Melvin responds by shooting a tennis ball at Marvin, nailing him square in the kneecap. “Owwwww!” A hobbling Marvin bellows, half out of pain, half out of shock. “What the hell do you think you're doing, eh? I'm your brother, you faggot!” “And how can I be sure of that?” Melvin remarks suspiciously, crouching behind his missile launcher like some kind of guerrilla solider. “I see no proof to verify your claim of brotherhood.” “What?! I look exactly like you, dickhead!” “How very convenient! But as long you're going after my 24/7 title, you ain't kin.” Discarding the last of his brotherly love, Melvin aims his ball shooter at a ranting and raving Marvin and cruelly fires away. The first shot impacts gruesomely into Marv's testicles, and his distressed howls crackle through the Californian skies. Showing little remorse, Melvin unleashes another volley, this time blasting his poor brother in the middle of the forehead, knocking the sense out of the twenty year old. Marvin timbers sideways, while his vibrant brown eyes dives into the back of his head. Melvin's blackened soul can generate little sympathy for his wounded sibling, and he simply guffaws at the misfortune's he's caused. TAYLOR Kris, Melvin really wants that 24/7 title. KRISTA He wants your heart. He wants to eat your children. Praise be to Allah! Hell Mel's moment of glory evaporates when he spots a suspicious figure atop the courtside umpire's chair, striking a “Christ in Rio” pose. Unwilling to bear this creature's flamboyant foolishness, Melvin demands that he come down and face him like a man before he (Melvin) decides to get into that West Coast Gangster shit. TAYLOR Who's up there, Kris? KRISTA It could be my tennis coach Lise. She's french! TAYLOR (snickering) I bet you really like servicing her....hehheheh... grass court, if you know what I mean. I bet you..heehhehe..would like to get that French open. Heheheheh! KRISTA Okay, time for you to die. While Krista proceeds to strangle the Rooster for his off color comments, the camera pans out to expose the mysterious intruder, revealing him to be none other then ...... The soul stealing King launches himself off the ten foot chair with a MEATNORMOUS diving clothesline! His forearm slashes through Melvin's finely sculpted chest, driving the Boi to the ground! The overwhelmed Nerdly tumbles backwards, before agilely springing to his feet. Refusing to be defeated by this meddlesome corporate pitchman, Melvin hastily scrambles to his trusty tennis ball machine. But before he can unload a flurry of projectiles at his foe, The BK King leaps into the sky, clears the near five foot machine, and slams an EGGNORMOUS dropkick into Melvin's cute face! Moaning in agony, Hell Mel dives backwards, and wonders what he's done to deserve being humiliated by a fast food mascot that ceased being popular and entertaining four months ago. KRISTA I can't believe I've whored myself out to crass consumerism and blatant attempts to manipulate the viewer's mind with disgusting product placement. I'm so ashamed of myself. I have a headache. TAYLOR Here, Krista. Try these. (Terry puts two Nuprin pills into Krista's hand.) KRISTA Nuprin. Little. Yellow. Different. Better. I mean, it's just a shame that my house has been sold out to fat cat marketing gimmicks from Madison Avenue. It's all about bowing to the almighty corporate dollar, and that's just really sad. It's like advertising his taken it's grip on all that we hold sacred, and I don't want any part of it. TAYLOR Krista, I'm kind of hungry. KRISTA (handing Terry a hamburger) Here, have this Junior Cheeseburger Deluxe from Wendys. Do what tastes right. Oh man, I'm stealing comedy routines from Wayne's World. The end of my gainful employment is near. Back on the court, The King is doing a celebratory cabbage patch dance above his vanquished adversary. However his busting of the proverbial move is cut short when a recovered Biff Atlas drives a forearm into the back his regal robe. The King reacts not with hurt or shock, but with incredulity, and he demands to know the identity of the fool who has interrupted his getting jiggy with it. He turns around for the answer, only to have his vision flooded with Biff's incoming fist! But the King responds with supernatural speed and swiftly blocks Biff's punch with his forearm. Atlas recoils, his own forearm vibrating from the tremendous impact. The King points a menacing finger at him, informing Atlas that his mortal soul will pay the price for his grave misdeeds. A now sobbing Biff passionately implores the royal pitchman to spare his meager life. But his pathetic whining falls on the King's deaf ears. And the bearded mascot lays down his own brand of charbroiled justice by sticking a CHEESENORMOUS fist into Biff's gut. The whopper (lol!) of a boot doubles Biffy over and leaves him weeping like a baby deprived of his pacifier. Once again Biff puts forward a desperate plea for mercy, offering a variety of sexual favors in exchange for a guarantee of safety. But The King answers these calls for leniency with a harsh roundhouse kick to the knee. Biff cries out in despair, and reaches down to attend to his knee. But this position makes him a sitting duck and The King is quick to exploit Biff's vulnerability, surging forward and pasting him with a big boot! A floored Atlas immediately curls into a fetal position, and jams his thumb into his mouth while he prays for his mommy to come rescue him from this perpetually grinning psychopath. KRISTA (no longer paying attention to the stupidity in her backyard) Hmmmm. I hope no one goes into the living room, I think there are mutant rats living in there now! I swear one of them asked me if I knew the lyrics to Subterranean Homesick Blues. The King has nary a second to celebrate his crushing of the OAOAST's worst wrestler due to the fact that a recovered Marvin Nerdly is swinging a tennis racket at his crown! The King successfully manages to duck just in time, leaving the racket to whoosh harmlessly above him. Unfortunately for The King the momentum of his avoidance carries him around 180 degrees into the waiting arms of Melvin Nerdly. Before The King can attempt to mount a suitable defense, Melvin pulverizes him with a Mel's Shocker! The King's body crunches hard against the pavement, eighty-sixing the c-list celeb's brief foray into the world of pro wrestling. TAYLOR The king has been dethroned. Thankful for the assistance and ready to let bygones be bygones, Marvin extends his hand to Mel and says, “Brothers?” Without hesitation, Melvin embraces Marv's hand and responds with a rousing proclamation of “Brothers!” Unfortunately the heart warming display is short lived, thanks to Melvin pulling a confused Marvin towards him, grabbing onto his waist and destroying him with the Mel's Shocker! Marvin responds with tortured groans that simply elicit a round of shameful giggles from Melvin. “Sorry, bro. But, that's my belt out front.” He remarks, dusting off his jeans and surveying the considerable carnage. Melvin leaves the broken husks of Biff, Marvin, and The King in his wake, as he scampers towards the mansion, assuming a gargantuan lead over the rest of the field. TAYLOR My, Krista, you have a very lovely garden. So many beautiful flowers and shrubbery. KRISTA Yes, but I keep my most precious plants inside. Out of the sight of roaming police helicopters.... Meanwhile at poolside, Leon is attending to his drenched girlfriend, who's shivering like a soaking wet puppy. Although he feels some sort of chivalrous urge to stay and assure her that everything will be okay, he can't help but fret over the fact that those wrestlers without girlfriends to weigh them down are closing in on his 24/7 title. With hints of impatience in his voice, he desperately tries to convince Ali that it would be wise for them to restart their aborted chase for the championship. However Alix, cocooned in a Mickey Mouse towel, seems positively spooked by the whole lawn mower incident and is steadfast in her refusal to budge. Unfortunately the decision to leave the poolside area is made for her, as former 24/7 champion Mackenzie DeCenzo comes from out of no where, to spear her out of Leon's arm and knock her into the pool! SPLASH! The women hit the crystal clear water with all the grace of a boulder dropped from a seventeen story building. The fresher, more spirited Mackenzie, pops up first, and promptly dedicates herself to the despicable task of trying to drown Alix. Spewing vulgarities like an utter madwoman, Mackie firmly presses her hand onto Alix's head, and submerges her entire body underneath the sparkling ocean. KRISTA If I had known we were going to see a T&A catfight in the pool, I would filled it with creamed corn and charged the neighborhood kids admission. TAYLOR Creamed corn? Not mud? KRISTA Do you have any idea how hard and how time consuming it is to clean mud stains off the surface of an Olympic sized swimming pool? And where am I supposed to get that much mud? Huh? TERRY Where would you get that much creamed corn? KRISTA Oh I have my ways... While Taylor ponders Krista's cryptic comments, Leon encounters a rather troubling decision. Either he can do the honorable thing and assist Alix but hurt his chances of reclaiming the 24/7 title, or he can leave Alix to fend for herself and selfishly resume his quest for the gold. Choices, choices, choices. Choices that he'll never get a chance to make, due to the fact that Flex Phillips smashes a sculpture of the Hindu elephant god Ganesh over his head! The OAOAST's number one babyface sinks to the tile flooring, and bellows in anguish, unable to cope with the massive amount of pain that's rushing through his skull. “Hello, Mister Rodez.” Flex begins, crushing the remnants of the statue with his boot. “I believe you and I have some unfinished business.” TAYLOR Krista, your statue! KRISTA No big deal, I stole it from Carmen Electra anyway. She stole Dave Navarro out from under my nose, I steal her mythical deity. Not an equal trade off, but at least the statue doesn't bear the shame of having been in a band with Perry Farrell. With shards of the statue resting in his finely gelled hair, Leon slowly rises, preparing to trade blows with the nutrition guru. However, Flex, now holding a wooden chair, has no intentions of participating in a simple slugfest. No, he wants to eliminate Le-Ro as quickly and as painfully as possible. Thus he throws his directly towards Leon's face. Fortunately, Rodez ducks beneath the swipe and avoids near decapitation. His breath comes in heavy and ragged spurts, as he watches the projectile sink into the shallow end of the pool. A second chair is thrown by Flex, and meets the same unproductive results as the first, except this time the chair collides with a tall oriental vase inside the cabana, exploding the antique item into fragments. TAYLOR Krista, your chairs! KRISTA Stolen from the lady across the street who seems morally opposed to letting her golden retriever do it's “business” any where that's not my front lawn. Most people wake up to a steaming pot of coffee. I wake up to a steaming piles of fly infested dog shit. Speaking of dog shit, it's Terry Taylor, everyone! Suddenly waves of fists dance across Phillips' face, thanks to Grand Rapids' favorite son. Flex swats at the incoming punches, trying to steer them clear with his meaty hands, but he's unsuccessful in this endeavor. Then his face is abruptly yanked forward and impacted perfectly with Leon's forearm! Phillip's thick neck snaps back and forth, over and over again, as he's mercilessly pounded by the handsome superstar. Ever the charismatic showman, Leon decides to get a little flashy, and winds up for a windmill punch. But the gestural nature of that attack affords Flex enough time to mount a counterattack. His two arms coil around Rodez' waist, ready to strike with a deadly belly to belly suplex. But Leon prevents the move from materializing by repeatedly whipping his head into Flex's face, drawing obscene amounts of blood from the brawler's pierced nostrils. Quite the pig headed one, a crimson masked Flex, refuses to capitulate on the belly to belly attempt and tries the hold one more time. But Leon's unending parade of heabutts makes the move roundly impossible, forcing Phillips to move onto Plan B. What's Plan B, Patty? Patty, will tell you what Plan B is, if you'd just sit down and be patient, you ass licking whores. Plan B consists of Flex using Leon's body as a battering ram, charging forward, and slamming the man into a pillar on the side of the cabana! The whole structure vibrates upon impact, providing a steady bass line to Leon's tortured screams. TAYLOR Oh! A solid attack by Phillips. KRISTA As solid as the white man's stranglehold on the senate. Despite his race, it's fairly obvious that Flex Phillips is a dupe of the white man's conspiracy to suppress the masses on behalf of the multinational fascist dictatorship. TAYLOR Agreed one hundred percent. Power to the people, my snow bunny sister. KRISTA You? You're nothing but the steel toe of the boot of the capitalist Nazi regime! Leon grimaces in profound pain, but it appears the worst is yet to come for the ex X-division champion. Flex latches onto his throat, and heaves him a good eight feet into the air. A screaming Leon clears the hut's railing, and suffers a brutal landing face first onto the cabana's dark wooden floor. Le-Ro is momentarily dazed by the jarring impact, and for a troubling moment he has extreme difficulty in remembering just who he is, what he's doing here, and why a six foot seven monster is threatening to knock him into Pacific Ocean. “Are you okay, Lee-Lee?” A genuinely concerned Alix shouts in the distance, ignoring the fact that Mackie is still trying to drown her to death. “Oh, I'm just peachy keen, darling!” Leon replies, pouring on the sarcasm. Surveying the scene, Flex Phillips smirks as the splashing and spluttering behind him continues. This is his chance. Leaving Leon behind to continue to collect his thought, Flex jogs off into the distance as he heads towards Krista's house. The house itself, naturally, seeing as he's already in her backyard. TAYLOR So it's Hell Mel and Flex Phillips soaring into early leads, with The Marv and Biff still out on the tennis court recovering, Leon hurting on the cabana and Alix trying to fight off Mackenzie in the pool. KRISTA At least someone's paying attention. TAYLOR Hey, it's my job. KRISTA Yeah but yours pays far less than mine, let's keep that in mind. Don't be getting too big for your britches, bitches, just because you've got an attention span to speak of. We now cut away from two women thrasing around in a pool and to Hell Mel, for some inane reason. Now in the dining room, Melvin seems confused, probably wondering what wrong turn he took to end up in the middle of a well-furnished jungle. Mel gets his bearings quickly though, probably wishing he had a map to find his way around this ridiculously large dwelling. Shuffling around the antique dining room table Mel gets to the door and prepares to explore some more of the less than humble abode, before five words halt his progress. "Hey, pissflaps, behind ya!" Melvin stops in confusion, wondering who's behind him and why they're using such a childish insult. The answers to those trying questions are Flex Phillips and because he's Flex Phillips. His distraction has worked well enough however, as Flex dares Melvin on and the Sk8ter Boi obliges him, sliding across the table like Daisy Duke more or may not have done (before my time) and coming at Flex with forearms. TAYLOR I'm impressed that Flex caught up to Mel so quick, it looked like Melvin was away and in the clear for a moment. KRISTA You haven't seen my state of the art, top of the range, rip-off merchant priced security system, have you? I'm impressed that Mel was smart enough to work out how to get through so quickly. It's like getting into the vault of Lloyd's of London sneaking into my house. Many a drunken night I've spent kicking my door in a futile attempt to prise it open. Like a crazed man, Mel slams his forearm across the dome of Flex Phillips, rocking him backwards, up against the sink. Still Mel is throwing those bones, seemingly unstoppable...until Flex reaches back and cocks his elbow, snapping one of the taps and causing a jet of ice cold water to shoot from the faucet. Mel is caught in the eye by the makeshift water feature and recoils, allowing Flex an opportunity to shoot forward with a firm knee to the gut. Luckily for Mel, Krista's dining room isn't well stocked, so there aren't any sharp, mutilating weapons for Flex to utilise. But Flex has his hands to use as weapons and he nails Mel with a hard right hand. Mel stumbles backwards and Flex quickly backtracks, opening up the door leading to the backyard. Grabbing Mel by the hair and seat of his pants and with the door wide open, Flex makes like Uncle Phil and hurls Mel right out the door!! "And STAY OUT!" cries Flex authoratively, little knowing that as soon as Mel comes to a plummeting fall on the patio, Leon Rodez is waiting as he charges through the door and clotheslines Phillips down! "Honey, I'm HO-OME!" cheers Leon as he steps over Flex's motionless body. KRISTA Gee, that was original. I knew I should have booby trapped that door to abruptly shut the moment this douche stepping through it. I'll never learn. Sigh! TAYLOR Heh, 'booby'. Declining the opportunity to advance through the house, Leon instead sets about bringing Flex to his feet. The mighty nutrition guru shoves Leon away and sends him up against the beech wood table, but Leon stops himself and as Flex runs in, Leon pushes up onto the balls of his hands and locks on a headscissors. Flex tries to fight it, but Leon makes Flex chow down on his thights (steady now) before swinging around and sending Phillips sprawling across the tiled floor with a hurricanrana! KRISTA So, anyway, what colour carpet do you think I should have in the living room once it gets all torn up and stuff? I'm thinking black, to cover the stains Maya and her friends cause and also to match my heart. TAYLOR I'm not really much of an interior designer, sorry. KRISTA You're not really much of a human being, but that hasn't stopped you from existing, has it? Pulling himself up, Leon favours his hip slightly but realises he has a belt to win. Unfortunately, footsteps from outside the back door halt him and fearing the worst, Leon turns around...relieved to see a besheveled Alix Maria Spezia in the doorway. "Honey, I'm HO-O..." "What happened to Mackenzie?" "Who?" "Nevermind. So, let's go find that belt, huh?" smiles Leon, not altogether too convincingly and probably plotting on a way to lose Alix before reaching the belt. But all the same, Alix and Leon join hands and walk happily off out of the dining room, leaving Flex to lick his wounds. KRISTA NO! DON'T TRUST HIM ALIX, WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU, REPEATEDLY AND ANGRILY! TAYLOR She can't hear you, Krista. KRISTA I know, but it's not her fault. She gets distracted very easily. TAYLOR No, I mean...oh, nevermind. Leaving the kitchen, Leon and Alix emerge in a hallway, but suddenly The Sliky Smooth One brings them to a stop. "Oh man, I need a whizz." groans Leon. "Must be all that water and your erect nipples." "I've been told I have that effect on people." Alix giggles in reply. "So, where's the bathroom at?" Alix points off to her right, where luckily there happens to be a downstairs bathroom. Breathing a sigh of relief, Leon heads in that direction...curiously, bringing Alix with him. I guess they're one of the those couples who do everything together, huh? Anyway, Leon and Alix abandon the hunt for the 24/7 Title briefly and walk down the long hallway in search of the first floor bathroom. Lucky that Alix knows her way around Krista's house well, otherwise Leon could be in bladder trouble. As it is, he reaches the bathroom safely and opens the door to reveal a typically lavish room. The taps and other appliances, apart from being crystal clean are also quite clearly expensive. A built in home entertainment system adorns one wall, just incase anyone's in it for the long haul. And of course, the main focal point, a large jacuzzi. Usually, however, it isn't filled with barbecue sauce. Rodez and Spezia stop, glance at each other in disbelief, then look back at Jivin' JR and three scantily clad ladies, all bathing within JR's spicy juice. "Oh good God." "RUN FOR THE GOLD! RUN FOR THE GOLD! Leon Rodez, Alix Maria Spezia! Wanna join the party? You wanna get covered in my sauce? BITCHES BE DIPPIN' BAH GAWD! RUN FOR THE GOLD! GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY, RUN FOR THE GOLD! It's hawt in here, bah gawd!" "Oh, good God." J.R's bitches laugh, as the barbecue sauce begins to bubble. "Did you turn the bubbles on, Jimmy?" "Nope." "Oh, good GOD." KRISTA I couldn't agree more. It's gonna take me forever to get those stains out of my beloved jacuzzi. Backing slowly away, Leon apparantly not longer feels the need to urinate as he leads Alix to the relative normality of the hallway. Leon wisely closes the door after him and after a quick shudder, he looks to erase that hideous vision from his memory. And he just about manages to clear his mind in time to see a walking wounded, limping Biff Atlas pass the hallway in search of the front door! Panicking, Leon jogs after Biff, Alix following on as thankfully we're back to the match at hand. TAYLOR You know, I always wondered what happened to Jivin' JR. KRISTA So YOU'RE the one! Figures. You fringe characters need to stick together I guess. Biff has little to no idea that he's being followed and as he makes his way through the maze of corridors and sub-corridors, the hapless haircare expert is already humming happily to himself. However, his lack of attention means he subsequently takes a wrong turning and strangely ends up in Krista's living room. Biff seems confused and appalled in one fair swoop, also a keen expert in hygiene. Picking up a copy of GQ Magazine from July 2003, Biff rests on what is presumably a sofa, moving an empty pizza box aside and sitting himself down for a brief rest. However, as soon as he sits down, he becomes a sitting target for Leon Rodez. Or rather, Alix Maria Spezia, Leon positioning himself with his back to Biff and launching Alix airborne for a bodysplash on Biff! KRISTA Oh, I'm so ashamed right now. I'm not a slob, really. God, I hope Entertainment Today aren't watching, not that they would. Before Maya came along, this room was my pride and joy. It was clean. It was neat. There were no creatures that I had to log onto the internet to identify crawling around the refuse. Did I ever tell you I hate Ned Blanchard? TAYLOR About four times on the plane ride over, twice before we came on air. KRISTA If something's not worth saying seven times, it's not worth saying at all. By the way Terry, you suck you suck you suck you suck you suck you suck you suck. TAYLOR Charming. Rolling around the filth, Alix and Biff scrap in what vaguely resembles a catfight. Leon is ready to step in and help his girl, but suddenly Flex Phillips has entered the room and wipes out Leon with a Northern Lariat! Flex flexs...only to get wiped out with a similarly unexpected strike, Marvin Nerdly sprinting into the room and dropkicking Flex in the spine, sending him sprawling across the sofa. If Flex wanted a mouthful of discarded pizza cheese and spilt Cherry 7UP, he's in luck. Otherwise, too bad. "Alright bitches, let's RAWK!" The Marv is now in the ascendancy, quite literally as he scales the back of the sofa. Alix, Biff, Flex and Leon all collect themselves and pull each other to their feet, scrapping away meekly as Marv climbs in front of them. The sofa is in danger of tipping...so it's lucky that Hell Mel has decided to make this his time for a grandious entrance, diving on the trash covered sofa to hold it in place and allow Marvin to soar off, wiping out the other four combatants in the 'match' with a soaring crossbody! The fivesome end up in the heap of discarded toys and other remnants that cover Krista's carpet, leaving Hell Mel the only one standing. Marv is quickly getting to his feet however, so Mel clears a space and hops up onto the sofa. Stooping low, Mel jumps up and looks to gain a springboard off the sofa's seat. A tactic which worked much better when he was a 7 year old weakling. A a 20 year old stud, however, he only ends up causing a worrying noise as his foot crashes through the sofa and breaks the springs beneath him. Mel's leg is trapped in the sofa now and all the fidgeting in the world isn't going to free him from it's evil velour claws. KRISTA (annotating) New...sofa. Alright, that's awesome! Now, somebody break the TV, I could do with an expensive upgrade! I'm thinking 36 inches. And if you even THINK of making a joke about penis size Terry Taylor, I swear I'll get you thrown out of here. Melvin continues to struggle to free himself as The Marv emerges from the mess, clutching a copy of Burnout 360 in his hand and bouncing the plastic case off of his brother's head. A disgruntled 'OW!' is all he gets as reward however, Marvin charges. Unfortunately for him though, Mel ducks his head and manages to backdrop Marv over, causing him to be bent spine-first over the back of the sofa and then sprawl face-first into the finely decorated wall behind! TAYLOR Oh, MAN! That could be both of the Boiz out of the running after that! KRISTA Running? For what? Oh shit, yeah, this is a match. I almost forgot, what with nobody going after the belt and everyone preferring to instead wreck shit up in my living room to draw this debacle out. As Marv slumps up against the wall, his face mushed against the tasteful wallpaper, the duos of NRG and LeLix (cute name, huh?) begin to get back up. Alix doesn't last long as Flex almost decapitates her with a clothesline, while Biff swings out with a clothesline of his own on Leon, which misses and allows The Silky Smooth One to jab Biff with a Standing Ass Punch, causing Biff to stumble forward, wiping out a speaker system which topples on top of him for good measure! "This shit is bananas!" Leon then screams, retrieving a copy of one Gwen Stefani's debut solo album and skimming it like a frisbee towards Flex Phillips' head. Flex adeptly ducks however, causing the flimsy CD case to shatter into a family portait hung on the wall behind him, an 'Isadora Duncan' family portait that has become a makeshift dartboard where Ned Blanchard's sketched image stands. Flex stays stooped as he charges forward, looking to tackle Rodez backwards towards the backyard and the windows in it's path, but luckily Rodez manages to sidestep Phillips. Skidding to a halt before he goes hurtling through the glass, Flex thanks his lucky stars and the big man upstairs (although, ironically, there hasn't been a big man upstairs in this particular house for some time) and turns around in search of Rodez. Rodez is waiting on him though and he stabs Flex in the head with an Emmy statuette, ripping the flesh on Flex's forehead open in the process. KRISTA No, not my Emmy! TAYLOR Since when did you win an Emmy? KRISTA When I put in the highest bid for it on e-Bay, Sherlock! Scratch off the part of the nameplate that says "Ted Danson" and it's as good as mine. Who are you to doubt me? As Flex collapses with his hands pressed to his stinging forehead, Hell Mel has suddenly freed his leg from the sofa and celebrates his newfound freedom by scuttling on out of the living room, in search of 24/7 gold. Rodez spots Mel's getaway and tosses the Emmy haphazardly aside before chasing after Mel, the other four combatants remaining in various states of consciousness in the living room. Mel is clearly in the lead, running through the corridors with Leon hot on his heels. Both men's running begins to slow though, as Melvin is clearly lost. TAYLOR Mel and Leon, getting closer to the gold...or, at least, I think they are. Are they? KRISTA How should I know? TAYLOR Well it is your house. KRISTA But I haven't been paying attention, doofus. Keep up. "Do you even know where you're going!?!" shouts Rodez off into the distance, as Mel turns another corner, confronted by a home cinema. And by home cinema, I'm not talking a medium sized T.V and some fancy surround sound speakers, I'm talking a cinema screen and 20 fold-down cinema seats. "I guess not!" "Me neither. Maybe we should stop running and check the map then, eh?" "Map!?!" Mel screeches to a halt and goes into reverse, jogging backwards to where Leon now stands. "You were given a map?" "Well...not as such." *SMACK!* Down goes Melvin, felled by a Superkick and thwarted by his feeble mind! Looking a little guilty, Leon consoles himself in the fact that Mel would have done the same had the situation been different and prepares to go belt hunting again. Only, as he turns back around, he's confronted by the current Champion, Alix Maria Spezia, again arriving just in time to bring her boyfriend to a halt. "Hey Lee-Lee, I think we're getting closer, we just need to go down this hallway and... *SHRIIIIIIEEEEEEK!* Oh my God, what did you do to MEL!?!" Leon seems confused by Alix's sudden concern for the Sk8ter Boi, not to mention even more guilty than before. "He...he slipped. On...something." "Oh, that's okay then. So, we gonna get that belt or what?" Shrugging, Leon drops to one knees and drops into some imaginary starters blocks, perfectly willing to race his girlfriend to the belt. Alix takes her time in reading what's going on as she is prone to do, but eventually she too drops onto her marks, gets set and... ...Biff Atlas clatters through the OAOAST's most beloved couple with clotheslines! KRISTA That's what happens when you trust a man...another man clotheslines you in the back. Exactly what I've been telling my friends at my Women's Liberation meetings for years. Biff comes to a stop and once he's sure Alix and Leon are down, he stumbles on down the hallway and as Krista's obscenely expensive water fountain feature comes into view, he just KNOWS that he's close. He will get no closer for the moment though, as The Marv has recovered and has hold of Biff's leg, desperately halting his progress. Biff tries to shake Marvin up but fails to do so, so instead he slams his arm across the Boi's back and hauls him to his feet. Winding up, a cocky Biff tries to take Marv's head off...but Marv's head ducks, as well as the rest of his upper body, allowing Marvin to backdrop Biff overhead... *SPLASH!* ...and into the base of the water fountain with a less than comfortable landing! "AH! My coccyx!" weeps Biff. TAYLOR These six contestants are really putting themselves through it here, all in search of the 24/7 Championship. And this match has been every bit as gruelling as Run For The Gold 1 was! KRISTA At least this one didn't have David Hasselhoff involved. For no reason at all, David Hasselhoff walks by eating a baloney sandwich, as Flex Phillips finds his way into the hallway in time to club The Marv from behind, dropping him to his knees. Flex grabs Marv's finely groomed hair and pulls him straight back up though, looking to deal with Marvin once and for all as he aims to torpedo him through one of K.I.D's wall length aquariums! Up on the shoulder however, Marv begins to fight and his frantic elbows eventually help him to squirm from Flex's grip and land safely on his feet. Placing his hands on Flex's shoulders, Marvin then goes up and over with a leapfrog and backs himself up against the glass fish tank. "C'mon Mr Universe, let's see what you've got!" Flex is incensed to be called out by a Sk8ter Boi and charges with a Yakuza Kick, aiming it at Marv's skull. Marv weaves clear of the impact however, Flex's leg unable to do the same... *CRAAAAAASSSSSHHHH!!* ...AND IT SMASHES THROUGH THE GLASS, SENDING WATER AND FISHES FLOODING FORTH FROM WITHIN!! KRISTA Now that's an insurance claim! Somewhere, Aquaman is weeping...for many reasons, the destruction of his artful handiwork tonight probably low on his list of concerns. As the hallway rapidly begins to flood, Marv charges at Flex. Unfortunately his footwear doesn't provide much grip on the slippery surface beneath his feet and he loses his footing, long enough for Flex to regain his bearings and rock Marvin with a headbutt! Marv falls to his knees, soaking his fashionable jeans in the process. That proves the least of his worries however, as Flex reaches down beside his feet and grabs a flailing bright blue and yellow fish from the water, pulling Marv's head back and attempting to cram the creature down The Boi's throat!! TAYLOR UGH! Flex is trying forcefeed Marv that live fish! KRISTA What's the big deal, narrator? It's just like sushi. Unprocessed, scale covered, boney sushi. Marv declines this free meal with a swift backhand to the face of Flex, causing the fish to fall back to the safety of the water that floods the floor. Yes, I didn't kill it. Don't sue, hippy. Flex reels away holding his face as The Marv now has the front door in his sights and knows he's close. So with one last attempt to dry off his pants, Marv sprints forward and tries to dodge past Flex. Nothing doing though, as Flex catches him at the side and drives him down with a soggy STO! "Looks like Jadakiss is gonna get some more royalties, because THE CHAMP IS...HERE!" Flex confidently cries as he rises to his feet, little realising that Alix Maria Spezia has snuck into the lead! KRISTA Yes! C'mon Ali, if you get close enough to the finish line I can release the dogs on the other idiots! I've been teasing them especially! Singing off key...poking them with sticks...showing them a The Best Of The Red Rooster compilation DVD. TAYLOR Ouch. KRISTA I know. Worst twelve minutes of my life. Alix crawls through the front doors and finds herself in the Los Angeles open once more, breathing in the SoCal air gleefully as the finish line is mere feet away. A good few feet, but feet nonetheless. Alix clambers up to her feet and with the final stretch in sight, she turns around to check no-one is tailing her...which is an unwise move, as it allows Flex Phillips to catch up and throw a right hand that drops Alix down to one knee. "Hey, Flex, ahomosayswhat!" "What?" "Heh...he said what." Turning around, Flex suddenly finds himself rocked by a succession of right hands by The New-Age Love Machine, Leon Rodez! Rodez puts Flex on the backfoot and while Alix recovers beside this fight, Rodez stops and attempts another Superkick. Unlike Marv before him however, Flex is able to duck and catch Rodez as he spins around, booting him in the gut and setting up for a Powerbomb! TAYLOR Alix is up and the title is so, so close! KRISTA And Rodez is gonna get crushed too! This is too perfect! Alix now seems to have a clear route to the belt and Krista is up on her feet beside the finish line, beckoning Alix to come towards her. However, Alix's vision isn't locked solely on the belt. Turning away, Alix sprints across the front lawn and leaps over her boyfriend's back, snaring Flex by the head and twisting him around with a hurricanrana!! Flex and Alix clatter onto the firm lawn with a thud and neither is getting up, leaving Leon standing. And it doesn't take a genius to figure out what he's going to do next. Jogging clear, Rodez smiles from ear to ear, as he dives across the finish line, snapping it in two and securing himself the victory! Scrambling up to his feet, Rodez then collects the belt and avoids Krista's icy glare as he jogs off into the distance, already celebrating. TAYLOR Leon did it! Leon grabbed the belt! Somebody ring the bell! Krista quickly grabs up the bell and places it on Taylor's head. *DINGDINGDING!* TAYLOR OUCH! MAYA AndthewinnerisTheDouche! The Douch...erm, Leon Rodez continues to jog off into the distance, not stopping to look back as he reaches the road leading away from the house, jumping into a handily placed cab and speeding away and out of sight. Back at the house, Biff Atlas and The Sk8ter Boiz can only watch on despairingly as Rodez is now long gone and also, the new 24/7 Champion. Also watching on is Alix Maria Spezia, hanging her head at the scathing look Krista is giving her. TAYLOR Man, what an ending. It looked like Alix was seconds away from retaining her title, but she sacrificed herself to save her boyfriend...and in the end, her boyfriend took the belt. KRISTA Sacrifice Shmacrifice! Alix finally came to the realization I've been trying to force on her for weeks. Leon didn't care about her, all he cares about is the belt. You saw it right there. Alix lands on her ass and Leon just runs into the night...well, the evening anyway. TAYLOR You really think Leon is that selfish? KRISTA Don't know, don't care. I'm out of here Terry. You ain't gon' see me for dust. I've got some re-decorating to do, so take yourself off my property and take the rest of this circus with you. Peach out. Krista throws down her microphone and leaves the broadcast table to console Alix, as we swoop back to Indy!

COLE Up next, ladies and gentlemen, Run for the Gold II. And if it's anything like the first Run for the Gold, we are in for something special. Having said that, a unique match like this requires the wit and wisdom of polar opposites. Let's go to them right now.

COACH Alright, HI-YAH representin' up next! Uhm...I don't usually talk first. Somebody help me. COLE Well we saw two weeks ago on HeldDOWN~!, Wright and Bohemoth fail in their attempt to win the titles from The Love Doctors. They lost by disqualification after a misuce by Bohemoth, one of many in recent months, an outcome that infuriated The Moral Highground. OAOAST General Manager Axel wrangled another title shot for Wright and Bohemoth, but HI-YAH officials were unimpressed to say the least, as they were in the process of naming the unbeaten duo of D*LUX as number one contenders. So, a compromise has been met and tonight it will be a triple threat, tag team match for the titles. CABOOSE For once, you're on the money Mikey. Wright and Bohemoth have lost to the champs AND the other challengers in recent weeks, the only reason they're getting a shot tonight is Axel. The only reason. COACH And what's wrong with that? CABOOSE What's wrong is, they don't deserve the shot. They're on a losing streak and an embarrassing one at that. I don't think either one of them has won a match all year. COACH Untrue. Christian defended his HI-YAH World Title proudly in Japan and Bo's a former HI-YAH World Champion as well, which makes them perfect candidates for a HI-YAH Tag Title shot. CABOOSE And they had one, which they blew, remember? COLE Children, please. Let's get a match going if that's not too much trouble. "You need my love baby, oh so bad You're not the only one I've ever had And if I say I wanna set you free Don't you know you'll be in misery" They call me (Dr. Love) They call me Dr. Love (calling Dr. Love) I've got the cure you're thinkin' of (calling Dr. Love)" Indianapolis comes unglued as "Calling Dr. Love" by KISS hits and The HI-YAH World Tag Champions themselves, The Love Doctors, jig out and start to bust some collective moves on the entrance stage! Dr. Steven Pigley and Dr. Max Anderson remove of their coats and unstrap their shiny, elaborate titles to raise them over their heads for their fans. Pigley and Anderson then exchange a fist pump, before they groove on down the aisle. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following triple threat tag team contest is scheduled for one fall to a finish, sudden death and the Champions do not have to be pinned for the titles to change hands! Introducing first, hailing from Chicago, Illinois! At a total combined weight of four hundred, fifty six pounds... they are the reigning and defending HI-YAH WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... DR. STEVEN PIGLEY and DR. MAX ANDERSON... THE LLLLLLLLOOOOOOOVVEEEE DDOOOOOCCTTOOOORRRRRSSSSSSS!! COLE The Love Doctors returning to OAOAST PPV for the first time since World Without End in November and they recently passed the one year mark in their title reign, a tremendous achievement! CABOOSE It would be if they defended the belts, ever. Pigley and Anderson leap to adjacent sides of the ring and gyrate some more before leaping into the ring. Anderson proudly holds his HI-YAH tag strap in the air while Pigley runs the ropes, doing a quick tuck and roll to come up in a pose for the Love Doctor fans in attendance. COLE One fall to a finish here and we can expect chaos to ensue pretty quickly as a result. And Christian and Bohemoth will be happy to know, the Over The Top Disqualification rule is not in effect here tonight so there's no chance of any mishaps like two weeks ago. *BbBBBbBWbwWBhwahHaLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* The cheers of the crowd are cut into by the pulsating sounds of Disturbed's "Liberate" fire up through the P.A System and the first set of challengers make their grandious entrance. Head down, Christian Wright strides out and tears down his hood, stomping off down the aisle without so much as acknowledging his partner behind him. Bohemoth, watching Wright storming away to the ring, shakes his head and makes a solitary walk after him. BUFFER The opponents and first challengers. At a total combined weight of five hundred and seventeen pounds. Both former HI-YAH World Heavyweight Champions, they are the team of "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER" BOOOO - HHEEEMMOOOOTTHH!! And, his partner... "THE MORAL HIGHGROUND" CHHRRIIIISSSTTIIAAANN WWWRRRRIIIIGGHHHTT!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Christian Wright and Bohemoth made their debut one year ago at Living Anglelously under controversial circumstances, when they interfered in the Last Man Dancing Match for the X-Division Title, brutally attacking Leon Rodez and costing him the belt. Since then, a lot of water has gone under the bridge. Both won HI-YAH's top prize and Christian was voted the OAOAST's Rookie Of The Year for 2005. They made their AngleMania debut just last month. But they come into this match as the under-dogs due to their recent, unspectacular win-loss record. Wright is already in the ring and having to be held at bay by referee Billy Silverman as he attempts to get at The Docs. Jogging up the steps, Bohemoth joins his partner in the ring and squares up to Dr. Pigley, all hell fixing to break loose already. "JUST ONE ON ONE THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT BABY! JUST ONE ON ONE, THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT! JUST ONE ON ONE THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT BABY! JUST ONE ON ONE, THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT!" The tense scene in the ring is interrupted however, as the melodic stylings of A1's "First To Believe" play over the P.A and Indy goes nuts. Jade Rodez is first to emerge, skipping out through the entrance doors with a beaming smile on her pretty little face. Either side, "Showtime" Shayne Brave and "Tremendous" Tyler Bryant hit a triumphant pose of their manager, their washboard abs on show for all as their bright blue denim jackets flap wide open. Jade and team soak up the energy of the crowd for a few seconds before Jade points the way on to the ring. Shayne and Tyler exchange a high-five over Ms. Rodez's head, before following their manager's directions like a good little team. BUFFER And, the final challenging team! Being led towards the ring by their manager Ms. Jade Rodez...at a total combined weight of three hundred and ninety seven pounds. The team consisting of "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE BRAVE and "TREMENDOUS" TYLER BRYANT. Together, they are D*LLLLUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE D*LUX are unbeaten in their OAOAST careers thus far, including Tyler Black's victory in the AngleMania pre-show battle royal. They're clearly the team to beat tonight. COACH Not that it matters who you beat. COLE Well, no, but they're the team to be concerned with certainly. COACH And not the team with the 280 plus pound monster with a point to prove and the 2005 Rookie Of The Year? COLE What about The Love Doctors? COACH Who? COLE Touché. In slide Tyler and Shayne, popping to their feet and deciding it's best not to help Jade into the ring, considering the looks on Bohemoth and Christian's faces in particular. So they instead retreat to the apron and to their corner, leaving The Docs to settle things with CW and Bo. Referee Silverman orders for one in and one out from each team, which Christian takes as his cue to order Bohemoth out. Bo sees himself in no position to argue and does just that, but leaves his partner to turn around and get thrown overhead with a double Japanese armdrag by the Doctors! *DINGDINGDING!* COACH Hey, that's not fair! One in, one out! CABOOSE They're Doctors, not mathematicians. Wright clambers back up as the Docs link hands and despite the protests from the referee, they charge through The Moral Highground with a double clothesline! And, as he comes back up, a second! Wright then stumbles forward into a double hiptoss before wisely rolling out of the ring, leaving the HI-YAH Champions standing tall in the ring. "YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Fuming, Wright slaps Bohemoth on the calf and yells at him for not coming into help him out, until Bohemoth reminds him that he was told to stand on the apron. Meanwhile back in the ring, D*LUX take this opportunity to enter the ring and jump the Docs with successions of right hands. Shayne rocks Pigley while Tyler fires away on Anderson, the pop wanabees backing the Doctors up against the ropes and performing stereo irish whips. Back shoot Pigley and Anderson, ducking under stereo leapfrogs, going up and over stereo drop-downs and eating stereo standing dropkicks to the jaw! And because all boybands must move in stereo, Tyler and Shayne kip-up in unison to a rousing cheer from the Indianapolis natives. The Docs make a slightly less theatrical climb back to their feet and try to regroup, but D*LUX are right back on them with the right hands. It's breaking down in Indianapolis now, prompting Bohemoth to finally enter the ring and prepare to clean house. Before he can get involved though, Wright jumps to the apron and holds his partner back, giving him the 'time' hand signal. COLE Christian Wright trying to ensure cooler heads prevail, which might be a good idea amidst this chaos! COACH That's smarts, that is. CABOOSE That's ducking out of a fight more like. Tyler and Pigley now tussle on the ropes while in the centre of the ring, Shayne is firing away with a succession of jabs on Dr. Anderson. Breaking into a little solo dance routine, Shayne then comes swinging with a big, final right. However, Anderson avoids having to see any of his colleagues by ducking the punch and as Shayne turns back around, he lands a boot and whips "Showtime" towards the ropes. Before meeting the ropes, Shayne is on a collision course with Dr. Pigley. That is, until Pigley ducks, Tyler doing the same and inadvertantly backdropping his partner over the top rope. As Shayne lands on the apron, Pigley then swipes out at Tyler. Another duck by The Tremendous One... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...causes Pigley to chop Shayne, dropping him to the floor. Shayne lands on his feet but he doesn't stay there long, as Tyler now backdrops Pigley over the top, the good Doctor riding the momentum into a Pescado that wipes "Showtime" out! COLE Well, that didn't take long. As Pigley and Brave pull themselves up on the outside, inside their respective teammates look to do battle. Landing an elbow to put his opponent on the backfoot and hitting the opposite ropes, Anderson charges at Tyler. Stepping away from the ropes, Tyler athletically leapfrogs over Dr. Anderson...but Anderson ducks his head and uses his run to take out both his partner but also Shayne Brave with a topé con hilo! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Both Doctors taking flight early in this match and now, it looks like Tyler Bryant wants in on the action! Waiting for the trio on the floor to recover, Tyler hops from foot to foot, anxious to get in on the spot-fu scene. Dr. Anderson helps his colleague and tag partner back to his feet and that's Tyler cue to turn on his heels, rushing the ropes and...GETTING SPINEBUSTAAAHED~! BY BOHEMOTH!! COACH YES! YES! See, smarts! Smarts! Bohemoth pops right back up and flexes TEH GUNZ~!, leaving Christian Wright to scamper into the ring and capitalise with the pin... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE That wasn't too smart passing up the pin to pose though, was it? COACH Oh bitch bitch. If that were Pigley, you'd be throwing that pitcher of water over yourself to cool down. Christian chastises Bohemoth for his mistake and tells him to keep watch as he begins to put the boots to Tyler. First to climb to the apron is Dr. Pigley, but he's soon sent packing by a hard knee from Bohemoth. Dr. Anderson gets the same treatment (get it? treatment? God I'm awesome!) as Christian now hauls Tyler to his feet and, ignoring the jeering crowd, The Moral Highground applies a front facelock and sets up for a suplex. Fearing a Converting The Sinner, Jade frantically shouts for a counter. And a counter she gets, as Tyler goes up and over the suplex lift and barges CW into the ropes, snaring him back with an O'Connor roll... 1... 2... Kickout! The kickout sends "Tremendous" Tyler out through the ropes and to the floor, Jade rushing over to her man's side. Meanwhile, Wright pulls himself up in the ring and wheels Bohemoth around by the shoulder, getting right up in his partner's face for not paying attention and not breaking up the count. Bo legitimately points out that Christian told him to watch the outside, but CW is having none of it. COLE Looks like a little bit of trouble in paradise here! Bohemoth was just doing what he was told, but he's getting chewed out over it by his partner. COACH It's all about interpretation, Mikey. Bo ain't a robot, he doesn't have to do exactly what CDub says. CABOOSE But it was 'CDub' who made the mistake. COACH That's not the point. As the arguement continues to rage, unbeknownest to the challengers, the Champions are climbing back to the apron and now up towards the top rope on adjacent turnbuckles. Christian's rant finally comes to an end and both he and Bohemoth turn away from each other in disgust, turning around into dives from The Love Doctors. Pigley takes out CW with a soaring crossbody, but Anderson's attempt of the same move on Bohemoth ends with him being caught like a baby in the Meterosexual Monster's arms! Luckily though, before Bo can complete The Erotic Awakening Of B, a dropkick from Pigley topples the bigman and leaves Anderson on top for the pin... 1... 2... AUTHORITATIVE~! Kickout! Both the Docs come back to their feet and meet Bo on the rise with kicks, fending the bigman off while behind them Shayne Brave has rolled back in and gone on the attack on Wright. Tyler now rolls in too and both CW and Bo are being double teamed, whipping the crowd into a frenzy. COACH You can't tell me this is fair! Bohemoth fights to his feet despite the battering he's recieving, but The Docs don't let up and continue to rain in a succession of kicks across the body. Eventually Bohemoth manages to push them away though, setting up a double clothesline. However, The Docs duck and as Bo turns back to charge again, Pigley and Anderson execute drop-toe-holds, clipping Bohemoth's feet from underneath him and sending him sprawling out of the ring with an awkward shoulder-first landing on the apron. With Bohemoth gone, Pigley and Anderson then turn their attentions to Wright, who is backing off from the attentions of D*LUX. He ends up backing himself right into The Love Doctors though, Pigley spinning Wright around into an inverted atomic drop. Pigley keeps Wright draped over the knee as Dr. Anderson then hits the ropes and lands a dropkick on Wright, sending him right back towards D*LUX. COLE The Lovematic Grampa! Scooping Wright right back up, Shayne Brave then executes his own inverted atomic drop. Interests caught, Pigley and Anderson watch on as Tyler then hits the ropes...but unlike Anderson, Tyler nails a Yakuza Kick right to the jaw of CW. COLE And Opposites Attract, D*LUX's own personal love note to Paula Abdul! COACH Man, I've sent plenty of them in my day. Never so much as a reply. *sniff* As Wright rolls from the ring and attempts to re-adjust his facial features back into place, D*LUX and The Love Doctors now square off, the Champs unimpressed by the challenger's similiar patented double-team. The two fan favourite teams exchange a few words...before it all breaks down, Pigley and Brave slugging away at each other while Anderson and Bryant do the same beside them! Dr. Pigley and Dr. Anderson quickly gain the advantage and grab their opponents arms, looking for stereo irish whips, only for D*LUX to perform stereo spins to counter out. Tyler quickly drives Anderson down to the mat with an STO, but Shayne's attempt is blocked and countered with a Flatliner by Pigley. Medical pun optional. Stepping over their fallen opponents, Pigley and Tyler then meet and begin to exchange right hands, a tactic which Tyler is able to come out on top of. Pigley changes the tide by going to the quads with some sharp kicks, but Bryant shakes them off and shoves Pigley back a step, rocking him with a Dropsault... ...LANDING ON ANDERSON WITH THE 'SAULT... ...BUT TURNING PIGLEY INSIDE OUT FOR AN UNINTENTIONAL MOONSAULT ON BRAVE... COLE DOUBLE PIN! 1... 1... 2... 2... Kickout! KICKOUT! COLE Wow, what an exchange! We almost had a double pin right there! CABOOSE God knows how we'd have explained that one away. Tyler is the only man to come from his feet out of the four and he quickly rushes across the ring, catching Bohemoth with a baseball slide that deals with him for a little longer. "LET'S GO D - LUX!" "LOVE DOC - TORS!" "LET'S GO D - LUX!" "LOVE DOC - TORS!" "LET'S GO D - LUX!" "LOVE DOC - TORS!" With the crowd split down the middle, Tyler brings Dr. Pigley to his feet and sends him off into a corner with an irish whip. Tyler follows in but eats boot, Pigley able to block. Tyler stumbles back favouring his youthful good looks and Pigley pushes up to the middle rope, giving the twirly signal to the fans, waiting for Tyler to stumble back in. Predictably he does and Pigley then hooks the head, launching off and spiking Tyler with a Tornado DDT! Crawling over, Pigley then rolls Tyler onto his back and makes the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Pigley pushes back up and begins to bring Tyler up with him, but Shayne catches him in the rear with a dropkick that dumps Dr. Pigley to the floor. Shayne has no time to celebrate however, as Anderson captures him from behind and takes Shayne over, folding him up with a Backdrop Suplex!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE There's some of the Japanese influence from The Love Doctors! Rolling to his feet, Anderson now attempts to drop Tyler on his head as well. Tyler blocks the move though, raining down elbows to free himself from Dr. Anderson's grip before twisting out and planting Anderson face-first with a Fame-Asser! Bouncing off the mat, Anderson looks to be KOed as Tyler drapes himself over top with a pin... 1... 2... BROKEN UP BY CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Brushing off complaints from referee Silverman, Wright drags up Tyler and clubs him in the back a few times, weakening him up for a Saito Suplex! Off rolls Tyler as Wright now brings Dr. Anderson to his feet. Landing a few forearms, CW backs Anderson up against the ropes and sends him across to the other side, hooking him up under the armpits on his return and lifting him up for the Wright Off... ...but Anderson escapes CW's grip and counters, snaring Wright over with a Hurricanrana! Wright is sent spiralling right back out of the ring once more, but he's soon replaced by Bohemoth who slides into the ring and wipes out Dr. Anderson from behind with a Northern MURDERLINE~! BOHEMOTH YYYYYEEEEUUUUUUHHHHHHHHRRRRRR!!! COACH Yeah, dat's right! COLE Bohemoth is just so damn explosive! Roaring deeply, Bohemoth stalks over Anderson and waits for him to get back up. The bigman is near foaming at the mouth as he impatiently beckons Anderson on, scooping him up as he gets back to his feet...but Anderson goes up and over! A dropkick to the back sends Bohemoth stumbling forward and Max runs past Bo and into the ropes, shooting back with a spinning wheel kick. The blow doesn't knock Big Bo down, so Anderson hits the ropes again. However, this time his spinning kick is blocked and Bohemoth catches the Doc in his arms, adjusting him over the shoulder and DRIVING him south with a Running Powerslam! This time, Bo needs no further encouragement after his big move as he makes the cover... 1... 2... Shayne Brave springboards to the top... THR- ...AND BREAKS THE COUNT WITH A SPRINGBOARD DOUBLE STOMP TO THE SPINE OF BO!!!! COLE Well, that's one way to stop a pinfall! CABOOSE The spotty way. COLE Spotty or not, it was certainly effective. Bo gets up favouring his back and Tyler Bryant now rolls back into the ring, D*LUX giving each a nod before thrusting forward... *SMACK!* *SMACK!* ...with a Double Superkick, putting Bohemoth out to the floor! COLE Hit Me Baby One More Time! CABOOSE You seem far too comfortable saying those words. Far too comfortable. D*LUX are left standing now, but not for long as Dr. Steven Pigley springboards to the top rope and soars in with a double clothesline! Jade shrieks as both of her men are taken out by the flying Doctor and holds her head in her hands as Pigley then calls for the end, drawing a mixed reaction from the crowd. Choosing "Showtime" Shayne, Pigley drags the teeny-bopper up and scoops him up, leaving Shayne hanging ever-so briefly before spiking Brave DOWN with the Time Of Death (Michinoku Driver)!!! 1... 2... WRIGHT SAVES THE DAY!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Stomping Pigley down, Wright then turns to Tyler Bryant and attempts to mow him down with a Spear. Tyler leapfrogs the onrushing Moral Highground however, causing him to crash shoulder-first into the middle turnbuckle behind! COLE And there's another miscue by Christian Wright! COACH What are you, the botch police? Quit pointing out every little thing that goes wrong, just because you've got some sort of irrational problem with his superior intelligence! COLE Did Christian lend you his dictionary or something? COACH Fo'sheez. Tyler backs away from CW, but backs right into Max Anderson who clubs him from behind. Dropping to his knees, Tyler is favouring his neck, which is soon hurting even more as Anderson drags him to his feet by the hair. Stepping in front, a 3/4 facelock is applied by Dr. Anderson who looks to perform some vertebrea adjustment as he runs to the corner, scaling the ropes and floating over with a Shiranui... ...but gets caught going overhead, into a Fireman's Carry by Wright! Anderson releases Tyler and is pulled away by Wright, who suddenly tumbles forward with the Honor Roll, driving the Doctor into the canvas! Rolling through with the move, Wright then comes right back to his feet and holds his hands skywards in triumph... ...leaving himself wide open with the Floatover Jacknife Spear by Tyler Bryant! COLE THE MERRY TYLER GORE SHOW! 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE HE GOT HIM! WE'VE GOT NEW CHAMPIONS!!! COACH NO! He wasn't the legal man! CABOOSE We quit caring about that once the bell went, doofus. Rolling to the outside, Tyler is in euphoric disbelief as Silverman rolls out with him and raises his hand in victory! Jade is already gleefully retrieving the HI-YAH Tag Titles as "Showtime" Shayne runs over to Tyler and leaps into his partner's arms, the duo celebrating like they just made it through to the second stage of American Idol! Ironically, they failed at that because they sucked. But they're good wrestlers, hence the Tag Team Titles that are thrust into their arms by the delighted Ms. Rodez. BUFFER Your winners of this contest...and the NEEEWWW HI-YAH Promotions WORLD Tag Team Champions... D*LLLLLUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The triumphant trio take their celebration up the ramp, jumping up and down in delight as Tyler and Shayne still can't quite believe that they're holding Tag Team gold. Back in the ring, the four losers can't believe it either. The Love Doctors dejectedly collect themselves, their one year title reign over without even being pinned or made to submit. In the ring, Christian Wright clambers to his knees and holds his head in his hands COLE You might be looking your 2006 Rookie Of The Year right there in that ecstatic threesome! Tyler Bryant pinned the 2005 Rookie Of The Year and Christian Wright has got nobody to blame but himself! COACH It was the rules! The referee had no control, there was no legal man, it was four on two...this result shouldn't stand! COLE Well, it will. And so much for Axel's faith in Christian and Bohemoth, they lost again. Bohemoth slides back into the ring and stands over Christian, watching the celebrations up the aisle with a glaring look. All this youthful jubilation sickens the duo and so does the cheering Indianapolis crowd, CW standing himself up and screaming "SILENCE!", unable to get the fans to comply. Worried by his partner's reaction, Bohemoth goes over and tries to calm him down...but Christian SHOVES his partner away and storms out of the ring, hands clasped over his ears as he tries to block out the sickening mixture of cheers and A1. COLE I don't get why Christian's angry with Bohemoth...for once, it wasn't his fault. COACH It wasn't Christian's fault either! Shut up! Let's go to something else!

(Cut to the entranceway, as we see El Hiperbole de Internet, formerly Sean Bryant, running down to the ring, wearing a black and blue mask with grey horns, with a sleeveless black tight top and baggy blue pants. The outfit is covered by computer keyboard designs. "Het Ironische Wonder" Alex Bryant, wearing uneven black shorts with his name in green on the back, and El Claraboya, formerly Nate Tethers and wearing a red mask with black tassles on the back and green/red/blue/yellow squggily-striped tights, are already in the ring.) COLE Here, because we're nice people, we're giving you, the paying customer, a BONUS to the stuff you've already paid to see! This is going to be quite the dynamic bout, as four top X-Division athletes from across the globe, as El Hiperbole de Internet, which means "Hype of the Internet" in Spanish, will do battle with fellow XMLL luchadore El Claraboya, which means "The Skyline", as well as "The Ironic Wonder" Alex Bryant, who's spent the past year studying sambo stylings in Siberia, and the OAOAST's own... (Crazy J-pop dance music starts blaring, as the lights come down. Dance Dance Dragon does a cartwheel back handspring into a split coming out of the entrance! He runs down to the ring with a group of young Japanese girls dressed up in lime-green dragon costumes without the heads. They all stand in formation in center-ring, as a spotlight that makes the ring canvas look like one gigantic DDR pad shines down. The music picks up again, and they dance the night away...) COACH Dance Dance Dragon! He's by far the least experienced wrestler in this match and even in the OAOAST, as the other three had stints all at the same time in 2004 before leaving to study wrestling abroad. Dragon has the home-field advantage, but the other three have just about all of the other advantages... COLE True. Though they're currently feuding south of the border, I could see Claraboya & El Hiperbole de Internet forming a brief team to take out the other two. But then again, I could see them going right after each other with the familiarity comfort zone there. You also spoke of these guys leaving America to go study wrestling across the world. I mentioned Bryant's Siberian vacation, but the other two DROVE from Colorado to Mexico to learn lucha libre. I've been told that Hiperbole especially has, while keeping his dynamic high-flying skills, added a base of complicated chain-wrestling skills that you wouldn't have expected out of him before he left. COACH That's a good thing for the longevity of his career...I'm being told it's time to hook 'em up! ::BELL RINGS:: El Hiperbole starts off with El Claraboya. They start off quickly locking up with a collar-and-elbow, as Claraboya gets a go-behind into a waistlock takedown, slamming Hiperbole de Internet down without holding on. He reaches down to grab Hiperbole, but Hiperbole grabs onto the arm on the way up and gets a standning side wristlock. However, Claraboya escapes with a cartwheel turned into headscissors takeover. Hiperbole kips out of the headscissors, as they both come back up to their feet. Hiperbole grabs a headlock, but gets sent off to the ropes. Claraboya leapfrogs over Hiperbole on his way back. Hiperbole comes off of the ropes on the other side chest-first, stumbling back into a sunset cradle from Claraboya... ONE! Hiperbole de Internet rolls through and rolls Claraboya back up to his feet by the foot, rolling backwards. Hiperbole brings him over immediately with an armdrag, but then gets blocked on a hiptoss attempt. Claraboya smacks Hiperbole in the stomach, then rolls to his side, grabs Hiperbole's leg, and brings him down to the mat with a lucha carry takedown. Claraboya rolls over Hiperbole's body and comes off of the ropes...Hiperbole rolls over and brings him down with a drop toe hold. Hiperbole floats into a reverse bodyscissors that he is able to roll into a sunset cradle... ONE! Claraboya kicks out. Both come to their feet, and Hiperbole leaps to a wheelbarrow. Claraboya lifts Hiperbole up into an electric chair, but Hiperbole escapes with a palm strike to the face followed by a backwards dropkick into a front roll onto the mat! Claraboya falls back into Alex Bryant's corner, and Bryant tags himself in. Hiperbole leaps onto Claraboya for a monkeyflip, but Bryant leaps onto the top rope and brings Hiperbole over with a rolling backslide! ONE! TW.. El Hiperbole de Internet kicks out! Bryant grabs Hiperbole's arm and applies a wristlock, then puts his leg over the arm and rolls himself & Hiperbole forward. Alex then turns himself over into a lateral pres... ONE! Bryant grabs a hammerlock on the mat. Hiperbole rolls backwards in an escape attempt, so Bryant goes behind while keeping ahold of the arm and applies a reverse hammerlock, pulling Hiperbole to his feet with it. Alex turns Hiperbole around to where his head's between Alex's legs, and Bryant delivers a single-arm hammerlock suplex, floating right into a pin.. ONE! Bryant pulls El Hiperbole de Internet up and goes for a stalling vertical suplex. But, Hiperbole slips out and lands on his feet! Hiperbole springboards to the second rope and, right as Alex turns around, Hiperbole connects with a turnaround enziguri kick that sends Alex to the outside! Dance Dance Dragon runs into the ring! Bi paso sidestep by El Hiperbole de Internet, as DDD charges off of the ropes and runs into a backroll monkey flip by Hiperbole, but DDD gets flung far enough that he's able to land it into a handspring against the ropes, which he then uses to go for a moonsault onto Hiperbole! Hiperbole moves, but DDD lands on his feet! DDD goes for a lariat, but Hiperbole goes underneath the arm and flips over it...but gets caught in a bridging Northern Lights suplex! ONE! T... El Hiperbole de Internet kicks out! DDD grabs Hiperbole on the way up and delivers a stiff forearm to the back. DDD pulls Hiperbole over to the ropes, climbs up to the second rope, and tries to suplex Hiperbole from inside the ring to out of it! Hiperbole grabs onto the ropes to block the suplex, as El Claraboya comes from behind on the apron and forearms DDD in the back. Claraboya grabs DDD and attempts to go for a Razor's Edge to the floor! Dragon uses the momentum and flips to his feet on the floor, then leaps up and headbutts Claraboya in the stomach, causing him to bend over on the apron.. DDD turns around to rub his back, but that gives Hiperbole a perfect opening to springboard to the top rope, double stomp Claraboya's back, then flip into a version of the Dragonrana on Dragon! CROWD "FUCK-IN' SWEET! FUCK-IN' SWEET!" COLE I agree with the chant! Alex Bryant enters the ring during the chaotic aftermath to wait for all three on the floor to come to their feet. It takes a while, as that was quite the move! As they rise up, Bryant climbs to the top rope, with his back facing his opponents. They're finally all up in a daze and he goes for a moonsault plancha...but they all move and he lands stomach-first on the protective mats! Dance Dance Dragon and El Claraboya enter the ring and El Hiperbole de Internet, exhausted, goes to his corner. Bryant...just lays on the floor. DDD connects with a STIFF chop to Claraboya's chest, then sends him off with an Irish whip. DDD goes for a quesadora (tilt-a-whirl backbreaker), but Claraboya reverses in mid-move with a bulldog! He pulls DDD up and hits a vertical suplex, then bridges up and follows up with a snap neckbreaker. Cover... ONE! TWO! Dragon kicks out. Claraboya grabs a front facelock and drags him over to Hiperbole de Internet's corner, where he tags in the smallest man in the match. Claraboya lifts DDD up over his shoulder, as Hiperbole comes off the top rope with a flying knee, followed up by Claraboya dropping DDD with a shoulderbreaker. Hiperbole goes for the cover... ONE! TWO! DDD kicks out. Hiperbole pulls him up and sends him off with an Irish whip. Hiperbole comes off of the ropes on his end, then busts out a rolling kip-up into a dropkick to the gut! DDD's bent over, so Hiperbole climbs onto his back and tries for a moonsault to the back! But, DDD moves away and Hiperbole lands on his feet! DDD charges at Hiperbole with a clothesline, but Hiperbole drops down and kips up underneath the arm. DDD turns around, as Hiperbole's turned around and charges...he leaps onto Dragon's back crucifix-style and connects with a knee strike to the side of the head that sends DDD down! COLE Looks like Alex Bryant is finally back to his corner... Hiperbole drags DDD, who's face-first on the mat, back to El Claraboya's corner. El Hiperbole de Internet makes the tag. Claraboya slingshots himself over the top rope and connects with a corkscrew elbow drop to Dragon's back! Claraboya quickly drags Dragon towards the center of the ring again, then leaps to the top rope and nails an impressive Lionsault-style tumbleweed elbow drop! He goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! DDD kicks out! Claraboya goes for a powerbomb, but DDD somehow rolls out of the back end! Claraboya turns around, as DDD comes off of the ropes. Dragon goes for the flying headscissors, but attempts multiple rotations on it! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! However, Claraboya somehow gains control of Dragon and drops him down chest-first onto his knees! El Claraboya gets up and tags in Alex Bryant, still clutching his chest from that missed dive. Alex comes in and hits a snap suplex on Dragon, then floats through, hooks the near arm, wraps himself around the back, and brings Dragon over with a crucifix pin variation... ONE! TWO! Dragon kicks out! Alex pulls Dragon up and hits a butterfly backbreaker, then follows up with a kick to the seated spine. Bryant then comes off of the ropes and connects with a rolling shoulder senton followed by a Lionsault on the other end! Cover! One! TWO! Dragon kicks out again! Bryant lifts Dragon onto the top turnbuckle, then climbs up to the second rope. Alex goes for a superplex, but Dragon blocks. He then headbutts Alex in the ear, causing him to lose the hold. DDD grabs a double-underhook, but he cannot get Alex up. Bryant then is somehow able to power Dragon up...and backdrops him down to the mat! Dragon lands hard, as Alex turns around on the second rope, leaps off, and connects with a kneedrop! Cover! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Bryant gets frustrated, stomps on Dragon, then tags out to El Claraboya. Claraboya pulls Dragon up and delivers a front-face suplex drop onto his knee, leaving DDD bent over in mid-ring. Claraboya comes off of the ropes and delivers a brutal leapfrog-style double stomp to the back of Dragon, sending him down to the mat stomach-first! Claraboya comes off of the ropes again and delivers another double-stomp to the back! He then leaps up to the second rope and delivers a third! Cover! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Claraboya pulls Dance Dance Dragon up delivers a double-underhook gutbuster. He follows up by hooking the arms and hitting a pumphandle sit-out bomb into a pin.... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Claraboya tries lifting DDD up, but it seems as if he's dead weight at this point. He eventually gets Dragon standing, then lifts him for a torture rack. El Claraboya holds him up for what seems like forever, then swings him around for a slam variation...but Dragon reverse in mid-move and hits a Flatliner! The crowd applauds, as Dragon feeds off of the adreniline and hops up to make the tag to Alex Bryant...but Bryant hops down off of the apron to avoid it! CROWD BOOOO! Dragon stays in the corner, pointing at Bryant for not taking the tag. That creates the distraction for Claraboya to come from behind with a flip press to Dragon's back! Dragon goes down to his knees, as Claraboya pulls him to mid-ring and sets up for a Tiger Bomb. Claraboya lifts....and Dragon slips out the back end! DDD lands on his feet, and both turn around to face each other. Dragon throws a kick, but Claraboya catches it. He then throws the leg up to flip Dragon in mid-air....but Dragon catches him in mid-air with a headscissors....HURRICANRANA CRADLE! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Dragon leaps up...but Claraboya grabs the leg and trips him! Dragon reaches out to El Hiperbole de Internet for the tag. Claraboya stands up holding the foot, as Dragon comes up to standing on one foot. He hops around, reaching out for a tag. El Claraboya gets a little too cocky holding the foot, mockingly "tickling" the bottom of it. Dragon takes advantage of this, leaps up, kicks backwards and knocks Claraboya down, then rolls forward in mid-air and makes the hot tag to El Hiperbole de Internet! El Claraboya gets to his feet, and runs right into a springboard single stomp to the top of the head! COACH HELLO! Hiperbole comes off of the ropes, as Claraboya stumbles to his feet. Hiperbole hooks the head while going under, and hits an Asai DDT version of a spinning neckbreaker! El Claraboya rolls to the outside. Alex Bryant comes into the ring and hooks Hiperbole for a side suplex. He lifts, but El Hiperbole gets his legs up and reverses with a flying headscissors! Bryant bounces up and runs into a 1.5-rotation spinning wheel kick! Hiperbole goes to the top rope, but El Claraboya climbs to to the apron and crotches Hiperbole. El Claraboya climbs to the top rope, then bends Hiperbole down and stands on his back. Claraboya faces the crowd and goes for a Tumbleweed on Bryant...but Alex moves and he hits nothing but canvas! COLE High-risk equals low reward! Bryant gets up, puts Claraboya on all fours, gets the La Magistral arm crank, then rolls backwards into a crucifix... ONE! TWO! El Hiperbole de Internet breaks it up with a top rope corkscrew senton! Hiperhole grabs Alex and whips him into a corner, then busts out a Tiger Wall Flip followed by a Superman shoulder charge to the gut. Hiperbole walks backward to mid-ring...and right into a Saito side suplex by El Claraboya RIGHT ON HIS HEAD! Claraboya gets up, as Alex Bryant charges him and connects with a Thesz Press-style reverse-direction Lungblower! Bryant's down on all fours, and out of nowhere, Dance Dance Dragon flies off of the top rope and scores PERFECT (top rope double stomp) to the head! DDD pulls Bryant up and tries to go for the Newbie Killer (Vertebreaker). But, El Claraboya pops up and kicks him in the stomach to break it up. El Claraboya hooks DDD in fisherman position, lifts him, and drives him down with a front spinebuster. COVER! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Claraboya pounds the mat with his fist, looking angry. He then pulls Alex Bryant up and signals for Bryant to help him. They pull Dragon up and hook him for a double Russian Legsweep. But, DDD elbows them both in the stomach repeatedly to escape. He then hooks both of their heads...DOUBLE DANCE DANCE DDT (Asai DDT), and Dragon lands it with a splash onto El Hiperbole de Internet! Cover on Hiperbole! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Bryant & Claraboya roll to the apron on opposite sides of the ring, as Dragon puills Hiperbole up in mid-ring. Dragon connects with a roundhouse kick to the left mid-section, then follows up with one to the right. DDD pumps up and goes for the head kick to complete the Combo, but Hiperbole ducks the kick. With DDD's back to him, Hiperbole leaps onto Dragon's shoulders and hits a HEADSCISSORS DRIVER~!~! (flying headscissors head-drop) The crowd goes NUTS! COVER! ONE! TWO! TH... El Claraboya leaps in to break it up! Hiperbole gets lifted for a suplex by Claraboya, but he blocks it with a knee strike to the head. El Hiperbole de Internet then comes off of the ropes and leaps onto Claraboya's back, then goes for a hurricanrana (ala AJ Styles)...but Claraboya reverses with a PILEDRIVER! COVER! ONE! TWO! Alex Bryant breaks it up! Claraboya and Bryant get to their feet and exchange chops in mid-ring. One after another, they get louder and louder! The chops keep getting stiffer, until Bryant stops the even momentum with a knee to the stomach. He hooks El Claraboya for a double-underhook suplex, then flips him up and turns it into a Side Effect! COVER! ONE! TWO! Dance Dance Dragon breaks it up! DDD tries pulling Alex up, but Bryant delivers a headbutt to the stomach. He then goes for a powerbomb, but DDD reverses by lifting Bryant up for an Alabamaslam and hitting it in the corner! Alex stumbles out and gets lifted into the Speed Modifier (airplane spin)! The rotations go 'round at dizzying speeds, as the crowd counts along... ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! El Hiperbole de Internet climbs slowly to the top rope... EIGHT! NINE! TEN! Hiperbole leaps off...double stomp onto the Speed Modifier into a senton on Claraboya! The crowd goes NUTS! COVER! ONE! TWO! DDD dumps Alex onto the pin to break it up! Dragon grabs Hiperbole and pulls him up. Dragon goes for the Newbie Killer, but Hiperbole connects with a mule kick to escape. Hiperbole comes off of the ropes and hits a flying headscissors into a single-arm bulldog! Dragon stumbles up to a knee immediately, as Hiperbole steps back, then charges forward and hits a Shining Double Stomp to the Head! COVER! ONE! TWO! Alex Bryant BARELY breaks it up! He forearms Hiperbole in the back of the head, then pulls him up, hooks the arms, and hits a straitjacket implant DDT! But, before he can go for the pin, El Claraboya crawls over and headbutts Bryant in the ear! Claraboya pulls Alex up, hooks him for a pumphandle, then lifts that into a fireman's carry Michinoku Driver! COVER! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Claraboya then climbs to the top rope. Dragon stumbles up to try and break it up, but gets kicked in the head hard enough to leave him dazed in the corner below. Out of NOWHERE, El Hiperbole de Internet pops up to the top rope and connects with a knee to Claraboya's stomach, causing him to bend over. Hiperbole climbs onto Claraboya's bent back, facing the crowd...REVERSE 450 FLIP ONTO ALEX BRYANT WITH A DROPKICK TO DRAGON'S BACK! COLE WHAT... COACH THE.... BOTH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK?!?!? COVER! ONE! TWO! THR-FROG SENTON BY CLARABOYA BREAKS IT UP! CROWD "NICE! NICE! NICE!" Claraboya gets up, holding his back, and immediately places Dance Dance Dragon onto the top turnbuckle, facing the crowd. El Claraboya climbs up top and sets up for a side superplex. However, Dragon catches Claraboya with a thumb to the throat to escape. Dragon re-positions himself and gets Claraboya hooked for a half-nelson superplex. He tries lifting, but Claraboya blocks. Then, El Hiperbole de Internet climbs up to the second rope and repeatedly gives chops to Dragon's back, stopping that suplex. Hiperbole climbs down to the apron, springboards up top...Sunset Bomb/Half-Nelson Superplex COMBO! COLE GEEZ! Alex Bryant comes to, to see this carnage on the mat. So, he grabs the nearest man, Hiperbole, and goes for the cover... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Bryant pulls Hiperbole up and gives him a suplex-hook swinging neckbreaker, then chains that into a snap suplex into the corner! Alex pulls Hiperbole out of the corner and signals for his finisher. Alex goes up to the top rope, then leaps off...but Dragon dropkicks him out of the air before he can land Von KneeDouwn (double knees to gut)! Dragon pulls Alex up and tries hooking him for the Bemani Buster (Muscle Buster)! He gets the leg, but Alex keeps blocking and they're bent over. El Claraboya gets up and climbs up top....moonsault backsplash onto both men! But, Claraboya's still feeling the effects of that half-nelson superplex and isn't moving around too gingerly. All four men are down, and the crowd rises to their feet out of respect to applaud the action... COLE Amen! Amen! El Hiperbole de Internet somehow starts crawling around again, trying to gather himself together. He looks around at the crowd, then points to the sky. He then climbs out of the ring, goes under it...and pulls out a ladder! The crowd reacts loudly! COACH I believe he's probably allowed to use that to dive off of, but not hit anyone with. He slides the ladder into the ring and goes to the top rope. But, Dance Dance Dragon meets him at the corner and crotches him on the top rope. The referee scoots the ladder to the apron, as it looks like DDD is going to hook Hiperbole for a one-man Spanish Fly. El Claraboya gets up and climbs behind them. He hooks Dragon in a waistlock. All three men struggle, as Alex Bryant gets underneath El Claraboya and goes for a powebomb....TOWER OF DOOM SPOT! The crowd cheers again, as Alex Bryant turns over Dragon for a pin... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Bryant then goes to El Hiperbole de Internet... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Bryant then turns over El Claraboya... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Bryant pops up to his feet out of the pure energy of his frustration, then leans on the ropes. Dance Dance Dragon comes to his feet, and Bryant charges at him with a Yakuza kick But, DDD ducks under it and tosses Alex into the corner upside-down with a head-and-leg suplex! Bryant rolls to the outside. Dragon gets up and grabs El Hiperbole's ladder, then sets it up near the ropes on the side that Alex is on. But, before he can do anything, El Hiperbole de Internet pops up and gives him a jumping enziguri kick to the back of the head! El Claraboya gets up and turns around Hiperbole, then kicks him in the stomach. He lifts Hiperbole for a slam, then twirls that into a suplex, but Hiperbole wiggles down and somehow turns it into a snap hurricanrana! CRADLE! ONE! TWO! Dragon breaks it up! He pulls Hiperbole up and goes for another Newbie Killer, but Hiperbole rolls out of it. DDD turns around, right into a reverse Lungblower! El Hiperbole kips up, then points at the ladder! The crowd erupts! Alex Bryant's starting to get up on the floor, as Hiperbole begins to climb the ladder. He goes up rung-by-rung, as Bryant comes to his feet, but still in a daze. Hiperbole gets to the very top, then turns his back to Alex & the audience. He leaps off....OH MY GOD... COLE Was that... COACH DOUBLE MOONSAULT! DOUBLE MOONSAULT! El Hiperbole de Internet nails the double moonsault ladder dive! Both men are spralled out on the floor, looking practically dead! The crowd is APESHIT! In the ring, El Claraboya's up and looking to climb to the top rope. But, Dance Dance Dragon gets up and crotches him on the turnbuckle. Dragon climbs up to the top rope, repositions Claraboya, lifts him up....TOP ROPE BEMANI BUSTER! COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE! BUFFER Your winner....DANCE DANCE DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGOOOOOON! Dance Dance Dragon rolls out of the ring immediately, as a crazy-ass laser-light show takes over the darkened sky. He seems too worn down to dance, but he's surrounded to the back by the girls in dragon suits. COLE What a victory for Dance Dance Dragon! COACH Pretty sweet bonus, eh? COLE Totally! Let's head to some other segment...

* hits PK with a lawsuit over the use of Tony Brannigan without the expressed written consent of Tony149 * Seriously, though, did you write that skit in post 3, PK? If you did, that was one helluva job. Honestly. Man, that reject promo gave me such a Randy Orton vibe it was scary, especially when Reject repeated the part about being Britains bitchboys. Nevertheless, good opening segment that establishes we are indeed in the Land of Down Under. Freakin' awesome 24/7 fun. I got to hand it to KC. I said I'd be in favor of merging the 24/7 title, but what KC -- and Patty last week -- have done has changed my mind. The 24/7 title is experiencing a rebirth similar to the one the women's division had late last year. Which means look for the 24/7 title to disappear within 3 months. Holy shit was that K.I.D. MTV Cribs segment great. That Aquaman rant was gold. The line about Flipper had me cracking up. Good to see some more OAOAST original commericals. Team Heyross-Blonde/Faqu: This match put a smile to my face from the start thanks to one of my favorite classic heel routines, where the heel or heels challenge anybody in the back. Fun little match. Looks like the start of a possible feud between the two. I must be in a good mood tonight, because the thought of Brock walking up to PK and telling him about the chicken had me rolling. Zack does it again with the old school OAOAST references, this time with the In Crowd. And is there some history there. I should know. I still have the PM. The GPX came off like awesome assholes. Never thought an asshole could be awesome, huh? NYU knows what I thought about his segment. Hint: I liked it. Pretty good ME. Enjoyed seeing all hell break loose at the end. MOTN: Spanish Fly vs. Hoff LOTN: "I've beaten your ass so hard that you've left a blood trail from Poyngyang to Brisbane." -- Brock Ausstin

1) To go on sometime after the Hoff/Dan Black segment 2) But before the promo NYU is writing. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, earlier tonight the feud between the rogue superstars of Hoff and Drek Stone and born and bread OAOAST originals Black T escalated further when, during a confrontation between Dan Black and Hoff, who will meet Sunday night at Living Angleously in a submission match, Tony Brannigan sustained an ankle injury... * Black T-Hoff/Drek Stone melee is replayed * COLE (CONT'D) ...courtesy of a Drek Stone cheapshot. COACH Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, baby boy. That was self-defense, plain and simple. T-Bod sought out Drek Stone with intent to harm, maybe even kill. We know how that turned out for Mr. Brannigan. CABOOSE It was just last week that Drek Stone and Tony Brannigan vowed not to interfere in the affairs of Hoff or Dan Black. But as we learned tonight and as we've always known, always take what Drek Stone has to say with a grain of salt. COLE With an update on Tony Brannigan's condition, we go backstage to Josh Matthews. The repercussions from the Black T-Hoff/Drek Stone scuffle is evident backstage as the dressing room of Dan Black and Tony Brannigan is swarmed with officials and medical personal. Also in the room is OAOAST correspondent Josh Matthews. Behind him OAOAST officials and trainers attend to Tony Brannigan, who grimaces in pain as his ankle is examined. JOSH Guys, I can tell you security has really tighten up backstage, especially here in the dressing room of Black T. Dan Black had to be escorted out of the room to cool off. Suffice to say, he's irate over what happened to his partner. I can also report Tony Brannigan collasped backstage after he tried to walk under his own power, that ankle obviously causing him much pain at the moment. I'm now going to try to get a word with Tony Brannigan, who as you can see is currently being attended to. Uh... Tony, if--if I may have a word with you. TONY No, you may not! COACH Well, at least he's still a gentleman about it. JOSH Tony Brannigan in no mood to speak. Perhaps I can get a word from one of the physicans in the room. (seeks doctor) Um, excuse me, doctor. May I have a word with you, please? DOCTOR #1 Yes. JOSH What is the prognoses? DOCTOR #1 Well, Josh, the prognoses is... TONY (Off-Screen) ...IT HURTS LIKE A BITCH! Josh happily brushes off the doctor in favor of the now eager to speak Tony Brannigan. TONY (breathing heavily) Just like I'm gonna hurt that bitch, Drek Stone. Drek, I told you'd better practice what you preach or you'd find yourself lying next to Hoff in some hospital bed in Indiana faced with the threat of staph infections and other vile viruses after I got done with you, because you signed your own death warrant in front of a worldwide television audience. Brannigan's Law is unlike any other in the world. My laws are...none! I make the rules. Now I'm gonna take out my pain on YOU, Stone! Bad ankle or not...I WANT YOU ONE ON ONE SUNDAY NIGHT AT LIVING ANGLEOUSLY! No more threats or sneak attacks. We let our actions speak for themselves Sunday night. That's right, Stone, I'm challenging you to fight me like a man Sunday night. How about it, huh? I'm gonna prove to you and everyone watching that a one-legged man can win an ass-kickin' contest. Sunday night in Indianapolis, Indiana, myself and Mr. Black will do Drek Stone and Hoff the favor of running their asses outta town again! JOSH :o COLE Oh, my! Tony Brannigan vs. Drek Stone this Sunday night at Living Angelously? Will Drek Stone accept?

Been a while since I've seen Patty around. Nice to know he's still alive and kicking. One thing his segment last week proved is to never doubt his awesomeness. Not only did he put Mackie to use, he quoted Devo and had a Jessica Simpson cameo! And thumbs up to MMoM's for the HTML shows. I finally got a chance to read Leon's promo from AM V because of it.

I hope I have this in the right place this week. [b]OAOAST Cola presents... [color=#FF0000]OAOAST BACKTRACK[/color][/b] [quote]COLE The Man of Tomorrow with the Frankensteiner! What a move! ONE... TWO... THREE! * STYLISH CLIP * As the referee holds Frank's arm in the air, the Man of Tomorrow is drilled in the lower back with the baton. Still woozy from the blow to the head, Frankie isn't much help to his brother as he's jabbed in the gut and then across the back! * STYLISH CLIP II * "YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" CABOOSE Look who's coming to the Sooners aid. THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS sprint past the officials and into the ring with only their tag team title belts as weapons. Swinging the belts wildly the Heavenly Rockers manage to chase the SCM off into the direction of the Lone Star Gunslingers, sparking a pier-six brawl in the aisleway! Inside the ring, the Heavenly Rockers help the Sooner Bruisers up to their feet. Frank and Frankie shove Synth and Logan away when they learn who's assisting them. COLE Hey, come on, guys. Let's not let pride get in the way here. They helped you out. The Sooners pick up the tag titles and wrap them around their waist before exiting, sending a clear message to the Heavenly Rockers that they plan on taking those home after Living Angleously. COACH That tells you all you need to know right there.[/quote] [b][color=#FF0000]BACKTRACK[/color][/b] has been presented by OAOAST Cola: "It's gotta be better than Mountain Dew, right?" Backstage, Josh Matthews is with the participants in this Sunday's World tag team title match. JOSH I'm standing here with the two teams who will meet this Sunday night for the World tag team championship at Living Angleously, the Sooner Bruisers and the Heavenly Rockers. As we just saw, tensions rose last week after the Heavenly Rockers came to the aid of the Sooner Bruisers who were on the receiving end of a South Central Militia mugging. Needless to say, the Sooner Bruisers weren't exactly grateful for Synth and Logan's help. FRANK Why should we be? I don't remember me [i]or[/i] my brother sending out an S.O.S. While cold those batons weren't no icebergs. Me and my brother weren't stranded at sea in sub-freezing temperature as the Titanic sank. And even if we were, this high-tech freak and his 25" anacondas would've paddled us to safety. So if you boys are here for an apology the Man of Tomorrow is here to tell you today that ain't gonna happen. But I will apologize right now for what we're gonna do to you Sunday night at Living Angleously, when we take your World tag team titles and wrapped them around our waists, giving ALL my freakoziods a new toy to play with. In fact, because I know your title loss will be crushing, Holly-Wood is welcomed to come over and find out what every one of my freakoziods already knows: that the Man of Tomorrow is her upgrade, download when you need me! Understandably, given everything that he and Holly have gone through, Logan doesn't take too kind to the words from the Man of Tomorrow and lunges towards Frank, only to be restrained by Synth and a hand on the chest by Josh. FRANK COME ON, BITCH! LOGAN (to Synth and Josh) All right, all right, all right. I'm cool. I'm cool. For a guy as tough and jacked up as you are, Frank, you sure do BITCH a lot, don't you? Maybe all that bleach your use to dye your hair has soaked through your skull and damaged your brain, because you don't get it. FRANK I get it. You're a PUSSY who uses a skirt to get the people behind you because you and Casper over there aren't half the wrestlers me and my brother are. SYNTH My brother and I, fool. FRANK Only speak when you're spoken to, boy. SYNTH Don't make moi sing it and bring it...man! LOGAN Trust me, you wouldn't want to see the Synthmeister when he's mad or on the prowl for his lastest underage groupie. But on the subject of pussy, Frank, it's obvious you've had plenty because you're going through one of your mood swings at, if all that biology stuff stands the test of time, around that time of the month. "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" SYNTH You got served, and not to jury duty, bro. FRANKIE (snarling) Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! SYNTH Meeeeowwwwwww! LOGAN As I was saying, before you stricken with that hot flash of a virus in your database, Synth and I didn't save your asses because we're tight. We did it so you'd go into Living Angleously with your heads still attached on your shoulders! The last thing we want is another Sooner Bruisers bitchfest, complaining about how you were too banged up going into Living Angleously and that's why you lost to us AGAIN. In a moment of rage, possibly roid related, Frank wraps his massive hands around Mann's throat but quickly releases his grip and cools down. JOSH Guys, please! FRANK You got a set of balls on you, Mann, I'll give you that. But it's gonna take more than a set to beat us twice in two months. It's gonna take luck. So all your oddmaker friends in Vegas better take note, smart money is on the Sooner Bruisers becoming the new World tag team champions. SYNTH (scoffs) If smart money is Monopoly money, son. Because real money lies with the rockers from Sin City who keep rock 'n' roll alive and life real. Give me some, Mann. * FIST POUND * SYNTH That's love right there. Love. The type of love a brother has for another brother. Mad respect. Mad respect. Show 'em what it be all about. The Heavenly Rockers hold up their tag belts in the faces of the Sooner Bruisers. Not to be outdone, the Man of Tomorrow jiggles his pecs and flexes his "byte-cips" while baby brother HOWLS to the heavens. "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" JOSH I think both teams are ready for Living Angleously. That does it from here.

Just rub it in. You Brits get all the good shit up there. And unedited too! For any of those old school goodies to see the light of day commerically would mean goodbye to Ventura, referring to the voice edits on WWE DVD releases. I went back-and-forth on the MOTN. I was going to go with the HI-YAH tag match but something about D*LUX clicked with me, like I'd be seeing more of them soon, very soon. Then again, I should've just said the ME to take the easy way out, but KC wrote TWO matches so I had to give it to him. Anyway, rest of the feedback...I hope. Alf has these squash matches down to a science. It's like he can pump them out in his sleep. Team Heyross is the best tag team not involved in the title scene. To echo what KC said, I'd also like to see more from them. But it's all about timing. To fuel discussion, think closely about Drek Stone's promo. You might be a kick out of it if you figure out what I'm talking about. Here's a hint: it's the man who represents Drek Stone. Think about it and what Stone does to Jackie. I found it humorous. Will you?

Hey Alf, you should save a squash match for my weekend show May 13th. I need some singles action on the card. The Sk8ter Boiz-D*LUX match was all kinds of awesome. Great action, great commentary and lots of grrrrreat gags, like the Heather Mills McCartney bit and the one where Marv played air guitar on Tyler's arm. I'm lovin' the Dan Black-Hoff feud. Two top notch promos that are better than anything I could ever write. Holy shit! The Love Doctors are back! Really fun match until the old school NWA/WCW finish. No problem because I smell rematch. Or read the LA booking thread. Excellent Drek Stone promo. The humor didn't take anything away from what he said. Bitchin' ME. Action-packed match to close out an action-packed show. More intrigue at the end! MOTN: Boiz vs. D*LUX Co-Lines of the Night: "You'd think when you become a celebrity you'd have enough money to buy a baby name book or something, pick a normal name. I mean, Suri. Apple. Moses. Peaches. Brooklyn." -- Jade Rodez "Look at that intensity! It's a good thing this guy ain't a Scientologist, he wouldn't just eat the afterbirth, he'd eat the entire child because he's a MONSTER~!" -- Coach

You sent your stuff to Hoff, right? Or did you post your stuff here out of habit like I did? They die hard, huh?

Completely forgot about Hoff posting this week. Thanks for the heads up.

Not a classic by any means, just something to further along two storylines. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Headed to the ring are two dudes with bad attitudes, the South Central Militia. The venom and hatred that accompany their arrival is returned in kind, with the addition of a pair of middle fingers! * DING DING DING * BUFFER LLLLLadies and gentlemen, the following contest on HeldDOWN~! is tag team action set for one fall with a 15 minute time limit. Currently making their way to the ring...at a total combined weight of 535 pounds, from South Central Los Angeles... Moe Wallace and Vincent Santana, the SOUTH CENTRAL MILITIA! COLE It was just one week ago that the South Central Militia were involved in a match with the Lone Star Gunslingers, a match dominated by Moe and Vincent until the closing moments. It was then, after the Gunslingers had regained control of the bout and were on the verge of picking up the 1-2-3 that the S-C-M resorted to the streets, the gang warfare they're accustomed to, using those telescopic batons to viciously assault Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels. Sources close to the Lone Star Gunslingers have told me they want another shot at Moe Wallace and Vincent Santana, saying Jock and Baron would agree to any match of the South Central Militia's liking in order to get it done. COACH Jock and Baron haven't seen anything like the S-C-M in Texas, rest assured, baby boy. CABOOSE Likewise for Moe and Vincent. "OW, OW, OW, OWWWWWW!" BUFFER And their opponents...weighing a total of 525 pounds, from Oklahoma, Oklahoma... the SOOOOOOONER BRUUUUISERRRRSSSSSS! No matter the country Edgar Winter's "Frankenstein" never fails to garner HOWLS for the appearance of the Sooner Bruisers. As usual, a howling "Pyscho Gremlin" is first to run out onto the stage followed closely by his big brother the "Man of Tomorrow" Frank Frankensteiner. While baby brother pysches himself up by running around in circles and slapping himself upside the head, the Man of Tomorrow poses for the camera, flexing the 25" anacondas before kissing the peak of his "byte-cips." COLE And here they come. The #1 contenders to the World tag team championship, the Sooner Bruisers! They will get their shot April 30th at Living Angleously against the Heavenly Rockers. COACH If their match is anything like the one they had in the Anderson Cup Finals, it's gonna be EPIC. The Sooner Bruisers would love to be the team that dethrones the Heavenly Rockers. And you know the Heavenly Rockers don't want to lose to the Sooner Bruisers, not just because they'd lose the belts but because they can't stand the Pyscho Gremlin and the Man of Tomorrow. You can feel the hatred whenever you ask one of those teams about the other. They hate each other. CABOOSE It all goes back to comments the Sooner Bruisers made about the Heavenly Rockers about a year ago, saying they were a joke to professional wrestling because of their rock 'n' roll past. The Heavenly Rockers responded harshly in a Rolling Stones interview not that long after. The Sooners live and breathe wrestling. In addition to being great pro wrestlers, the Sooners are accomplished amateur wrestlers as well, having won many state and local championships prior to going pro. COLE No pre-match shenanigans here. Both teams ready to go. These 4 have history that dates back to last year, when the Sooner Bruisers took up the fight against Jim Cornette Enterprises -- the New New Midnight Express and the South Central Militia -- after their horrible acts of violence against the Heavenly Rockers and Holly-Wood. But what a difference a new year makes. J.C.E. has since gone under and the New New Midnight Express are no more. The last link between Moe and Vincent and J.C.E. shattered when they "took care" of Jim Cornette two weeks ago. * DING DING DING * You can feel the intensity as the Man of Tomorrow and Vincent Santana get in each other's faces, a lot of head bobbling and trash talking before the two start exchanging giant haymakers. On the verge of falling through the ropes, reeling from Frank's blows, Santana RAKES the eyes and sends the leader of the "Freakizoids" into the top turnbuckle. There he uses Frank's midsection as a makeshift punching bag, working on his right and left combinations. Vincent presses up against Frank as he grabs his left wrist and flings him across the ring, charging in...and eating nothing but turnbuckle as Frank side-steps and hits the far side. SOONERLI... NO! Santana sees it coming and goes running under, each man's momentum springing them off the ropes and on a collision course. * BOOM * No give on the shoulderblocks. Each man standing their ground. The 270 pound Santana challenging the 275 pound Man of Tomorrow to try and knock him off his feet. Frank hits the ropes, he and Vincent lowering their shoulders at the point of impact. Again, no movement. Now it's Frank who challenges Vincent to knock him off his feet. Vincent takes him up, hitting the near side. And the ropes are the only thing he hits because he gets caught on the rebound with a...TILT-A-WHIRL SUPLEX! COACH There's something you rarely see. A Sooner outsmarting somebody. COLE Vincent may have street smarts, but the Man of Tomorrow has ring smarts. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Vincent Santana bails out to the floor, slapping the ring apron in embarrassment as he walks over to his corner and tags Moe. The Sooners make an exchange as well, one that is greeted by HOWLS as the Pyscho Gremlin comes in for the first time tonight. "OW, OW, OW, OWWWWWWWWW!" The Pyscho Gremlin acknowledges the support of the crowd by returning the howls, before all too happily locking up with Moe. Wallace looks to take control, but Frankie goes behind and takes a bite out of crime, so to speak, BITING Moe in the rear! Having to use his hands to rub off the effects from the BUTT bite Moe is caught in a defenseless position, leaving him prone to a stiff Soonerline! Looking to aid his partner it's Vincent who ends up needing the aid as he's scooped up on the way in and slammed to the mat. Frankie brings Vinny and Moe to their feet and then together for a DOUBLE NOGGIN'-KNOCKER! Vincent falls to the side and eventually out of the ring while Moe staggers towards the ropes, which he uses for support to stand. The Pyscho Gremlin charges off the far side with intent to send Wallace to the arena floor, but it's Frankie who finds himself tossed over the top and to the floor after his Soonerline attempt is countered with a backdrop. As a shaken Moe Wallace falls to a knee mid-ring, Frankie quickly gets back up and ascends to the top. COACH Behind you, Moe! * SOONERLINE * ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Frankie tags big brother in, who tells him to put Moe up on his shoulders as he climbs to the top. Frankie sticks his head between the legs of Moe when Santana, unbeknownst to Frank or the referee trying to get Frank off the top, kicks him downstairs. Moe and Vinny then take a doubled over Pyscho Gremlin and hurl him through the middle and top turnbuckles, ramming his shoulder into the ringpost! Frankie falls out to the apron clutching his shoulder as Frank is powerbombed from the top all the way down to the mat! COLE Oh, my! A double powerbomb by the South Central Militia. That may very well have done it. ONE... TWO... THR-- NO! The Man of Tomorrow just -- and I mean [i]just[/i] -- gets the shoulder up as Nick Patrick's hand was inches away from coming down a third and final time. Quick tag made by the SCM. While an exchange has been made Vincent and Moe apparently don't understand the concept of one man being out on the apron, because they put the boots to Frank, causing Nick Patrick to threaten disqualification if the illegal man isn't out of the ring by the count of 5. 1... 2... 3... 4... Moe milks the count to the very end before exiting. A scoope and a slam later, Moe delivers a sucession of elbows before finishing up his sequence with a leg drop. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Vincent and Moe continue to make excellent use of quick tags, hammering the Man of Tomorrow with their patented diving shoulderblock as he returns off the ropes. Moe knocks Frankie off the apron with a roundhouse right for good measure. Yet another quick tag by the SCM, right after Moe drives Frank's face into the boot of Vincent's. "BOOOOOOOOOOOO!" CABOOSE Big Frank looks to be in serious trouble now. The South Central Militia calling for a Jailbreak, the devastating spear/flying forearm combination that has put many men out to pasture. Irish whip. Frank hits the ropes and falls flat on his face as Frankie pulls him down and out of the ring, while Moe's momentum sends him rumbling through the ropes as there's no one to spear! Vincent has better luck, stopping in his tracks after seeing Frank go down. He focuses his efforts on containing the snarling Pyscho Gremlin. Vincent hammers Frankie as he steps through the ropes with a clubbing forearm shot that is absord and returned with a SOONERLINE~! "OW, OW, OWWWWWWWW!" Santana's caught rising back to his feet with a kick to the midsection, the a couple of right hands before being sent off to the ropes and planted square in the center of the ring with a big powerslam! Frankie gets the crowd to stand on their feet as he scales the turnbuckles, presumably for his top rope bulldog. His left foot perched on the second top, his right on the top, the Pyscho Gremlin waits for Santana to return to his feet. Meanwhile, outside, the cameras pick up Moe digging into his pocket and producing the TELESCOPIC BATON that we've come to know in recent weeks. COLE Oh, no. Not again! * BOINK * COACH Not since the Berlin Wall have we seen something fall so fast. :lol: Curled up in a fetal position, clutching his head, Frankie is covered by Vincent. The crowd ROARS due to the arrival of the LONE STAR GUNSLINGERS! ONE... TWO... THREE... NO! COLE Justice has been served! Jock and Baron each grabbed a leg a pulled Vincent off Frankie. The guys jump on the ring apron to explain their actions to Nick Patrick, correctly pointing out that Frankie [i]wasn't[/i] the legal man. As you'd expect, the SCM are furious. The 4 men get into a heated arguement with Nick Patrick trying to defuse the situation. Things become so heated Moe breaks out the baton to put a scare into Jock and Baron, which fails. It doesn't fail to garner the referee's attention, however. COLE Oh, he got caught. Moe got caught brandishing the baton. CABOOSE What an utterly foolish move on the part of Wallace. He and Vincent may very well have picked up a victory by disqualification if not for that. COACH Now wait a minute, fellas. How do we know that's even Moe's? Some fan could have thrown that in. The Chinese are very crafty people, you know? When Moe realizes what's he done he immediately disposes of the weapon, throwing it out to the arena floor. Patrick scolds the SCM for even having the object, and is ready to signal for a disqualification when the SCM get violent. Prepared to strike the referee Moe and Vincent are yanked down to the mat, but only Moe is pulled outside as Santana manages to escape. Vincent gets up and lunges towards Nick Patrick, who ducks under the clothesline, sending Vincent right into a... ....FRANKENSTEINER! COLE The Man of Tomorrow with the Frankensteiner! What a move! ONE... TWO... THREE! * DING DING DING * BUFFER Your winners of the match: the SOONER BRUUUUUUUUUUISERRRRSSSSSSS! Officials rush the ringside area to breakup the Gunslingers and Moe, who slips away from the pack and grabs the BATON he threw down earlier. As the referee holds Frank's arm in the air, the Man of Tomorrow is drilled in the lower back with the baton. Still woozy from the blow to the head, Frankie isn't much help to his brother as he's jabbed in the gut and then across the back! COLE Damn him! For the second week in a row, the South Central Militia have resorted to gang violence. The Lone Star Gunslingers are trying to break away from the sea of officials, who are completely oblivious to what's going on behind them. Let them go, damnit! We need law and order in the ring! "YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" CABOOSE Look who's coming to the Sooners aid. THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS sprint past the officials and into the ring with only their tag team title belts as weapons. Swinging the belts wildly the Heavenly Rockers manage to chase the SCM off into the direction of the Lone Star Gunslingers, sparking a pier-six brawl in the aisleway! Officials scramble to separate the warring fractions, putting themselves in the line of fire as many are thrown to the ground and into the guardrails. COACH It is wild. Wild, I tell you! Inside the ring, the Heavenly Rockers help the Sooner Bruisers up to their feet. Frank and Frankie shove Synth and Logan away when they learn who's assisting them. COLE Hey, come on, guys. Let's not let pride get in the way here. They helped you out. The Sooners pick up the tag titles and wrap them around their waist before exiting, sending a clear message to the Heavenly Rockers that they plan on taking those home after Living Angleously. COACH That tells you all you need to know right there. [img=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v82/papacita/OAOAST/LA05.jpg] [b]APRIL 30TH LIVE! ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW[/b]

OAOAST Tag Team Title Match Sooner Bruisers vs. Heavenly Rockers And where is the show taking place?

Sooner Bruisers vs. SCM (told ya I needed to use them just a while longer)

One of our more packed shows in sometime. I guess that company retreat to Japan did wonders for morale. Going into the SCM promo I thought it would turn out to be one of my finest yet, but it didn't exactly turn out that way. Still one of my better promos I think. There was more I wanted to do but I got tired and said "fuck it, good enough." Looks like Axel's job may be in trouble. Him kissing up to the board I found humorous. Add me to the list who'd like to see a babyface run for Bo. Digged the match. The thumbs up, thumbs down thingy was awesome. Like Adam, Brock would be the perfect heel for Alf to go up against. And they have history. Also sets up a 3 way. Makes sense to see Ayane get some mic time. The feud between Otaku and Brock far from over by the sounds of it. Loved Hoff's promo, especialy the "LOOK INTO MY EYES" part. About as intensed as a Hogan coked out '80s promo, brother. Good use of the new catchphrase. I'm digging Melody as our female reporter. Trying to interview Rodez with a half eaten baloney sandwich was gold. O'Hara and the GPX weren't the only ones perplexed at Zack's comments. Holy shit! Dan Black in a match! I don't even have to read it to say it's a thumbs up in my book. But I still did. Uh-oh. Black using color trunks? I hope he isn't beginning to soften. Nope. Black still the same wrestling technican we all know and love. Enjoyed it while it lasted. Yes to Black vs. Hoff at LA! Can't wait for that one. Krista in the role of big sister, protecting young Alix? Or hidden sexual desire for Leon Rodez? You decide. Whoa. Eski and Adam both writing a match in one week? I don't think my heart can take it. Been a while since we've seen AJ Flare in action. The segment involving Flex Phillps was great. Not very PC is certain places but the OAOAST isn't about PC. It's about F-U-N-N-Y. Don't think Zack would appreciate the slam on From Justin to Kelly, though. Doesn't he actually LIKE that movie? Alf normally does an excellent job with 8-man tag matches and this week was no exception. WTF? Did I read that right? Did Zack really use NRG? As for the match, good stuff. I've like what Zack has done with Faqu since bringing him and Blonde back. Popick's writing style is a throwback to what the OAOAST style used to be. I'm still not sure why Caboose and Popick are teaming, but holy hell was that a quick match. That caught me by surprise. It was like here's PK, 1-2-3. But I understand Popick's job puts limits on him. Kudos for the cliffhanger ending. MOTN: I was torn between the 8-Man and Zack-Faqu, but will give the 8-man tag the nod because of a clear winner. LOTN: "Because, broken heart or not, if you steal that championship from her I will not hesitate in hunting you down and making OJ Simpson look like Homer Simpson in terms of cold blooded killing tendancies." -- Krista Isadora Duncan

* DING DING DING * BUFFER The following contest is a special challenge match. Already in the ring...from South Central Los Angeles, at a total combined weight of 535 pounds, here are Moe Wallace and Vincent Santana... the SOUTH CENTRAL MILITIA! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOO" COLE As you heard Michael Buffer say, this is a special challenge match requested by the South Central Militia that stems from their elimination in the 20-man battle royal prior to AngleMania V, the Show Before The Show. COACH The Lone Star Gunslingers made it a point to target the S-C-M. COLE What are you insinuating, Coach?! COACH I'm not insinuating anything. There were 18 other guys in that ring. Why did Jock and Baron go after Moe and Vinny? CABOOSE Hmm... maybe to win the battle royal? COACH Oh, come on, 'Boosey. You more than anybody should see it from my point of view. "WAHAHAHAHA, WAH, WAH, WAH..." The usually reserved Japanese crowd jump out of their seats and rush the aisle to get a closer look at the young Gunslingers from the Lone Star state as "the Good, the Bad and the Ugly theme" kicks up. Tough enough for the men and sexy enough for the women, Jock and Baron sprint to the ring with smiles on their faces and hands at chest level to satisify the demand of fans wanting to get a piece of the Gunslingers. BUFFER Their opponents...from the great state of Texas, weighing a total of 507 pounds... "The Texas Twister" Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels, the LONE STAR GUNSLINGERS! Up the ring steps and carefully through the ropes enter Jock and Baron, smartly keeping their eye on the unpredictable South Central Militia. Referee Charles Robinson stands in the middle of the ring to keep both teams in their respective corners until the bell rings. The Gunslingers remove their white jackets with the state of Texas embrioder on the back while the eyes of the SCM are locked on them. Robinson orders one man from each team out of the ring. Moe and Vincent go through an array of hand gestures before Moe exits, whereas Jock and Baron stick with the classic double high-five. After a BUTT slap Jock joins Moe out on the apron, leaving Baron and Vincent to start the match. * DING DING DING * COLE Here we go. Charles Robinson has sounded the bell and we're officially underway in this special challenge tag team match. Baron Windels and Vincent Santana starting out for their respective teams. You can believe both teams view this bout as a way to move up the tag rankings. The crowning of new champions have brought on calls from just about every team for a title shot. COACH I still can't believe Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned are gone. Godspeed, boys. We miss you. Well, at least The Coach misses you. Backed against the ropes after placing Moe in a side headlock Baron is shot across the ring. Wallace makes the all too common heel mistake of lowering his head after sending the babyface off to the ropes, putting himself at the mercy of Baron who shows Moe none as he bounces off the ropes and drills Wallace with a stinging kick to shoulder that pops him straight up, giving Windels a free shot -- which he uses for a excellently executed standing dropkick. The 6 foot 7 inch Texan stays on the offensive, hitting the ropes after firing Moe off and leveling him with a flying lariat! ONE... TWO... Moe kicks out and retreats to the saftey of his corner, where he makes the tag to Vincent Santana. One fresh man calls for another, Baron and Jock make an exchange. After a quick spin around the ring, the two lock horns, with Jock coming out on top with an arm-wringer. Mulligan uses a series of closed fists and bonic elbows to punish the right arm used by Santana to execute his flying forearm smash. Vincent maneuvers the 23-year-old rookie into the corner and stuns him with a back elbow to the side of the head. Santana shakes off the arm before working Jock over in the corner with a combination of jabs and uppercuts. Windels fires back with kicks to the midsection and a pair of bonic elbows. Vincent knocks the air out of Baron's comeback with a straight knee to the gut, doubling Mulligan over in pain. Santana looks to take advantage of the youngester by whipping him to the ropes, only Jock ducks under a clothesline that is thrown so hard it spins Vincent around just as Jock returns on the rebound with a CROSSBODY BLOCK...but Vincent crotches down in the nick of time, causing the Texas Twister to feel like he's just been in one as he lands hard on the canvas and rolls out of the ring from the impact. CABOOSE Keep an eye out on Moe. Outside all alone with Jock and all those weapons. COACH End the profiling! COLE Caboose is right. Look at all those weapons at Moe's disposal -- chairs, ringpost, steel steps. With the referee focusing his attention on keeping Vincent in the ring, outside Moe slams Jock on the arena floor. Baron rushes to his partner's aid, chasing Wallace away, bringing Charles Robinson over to escort Baron back to his corner, and again leaving the SCM free to do as they wish with the young rookie. And what they do is send Jock viciously into the ring steps, shoulder-first. As the SCM look to inflict more damage, the referee turns around and orders Vincent and Jock back inside the ring. The SCM coolly toss Jock back into the ring, but not before sneaking in a pair of knees to the ribs of Mulligan. COACH Ha! Beautiful. Quick tag by the S-C-M. They're putting the 5-second rule to good use as they Irish whip Jock. Oh, baby! Stereo diving shoulderblocks. COLE What force! COACH If Team Japan hit like that in the World Baseball Classic they would've won the damn thing. CABOOSE They did win "the damn thing." COLE We have a cover! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Moe scoopes up Jock and drives him face-first into the turnbuckle. The SCM with another tag. Vincent Santana back in. He baits Baron into the ring and sprints back to his corner and joins Moe in pumpeling Jock while the referee keeps Baron at bay. The SCM put an end to their double-team tatics as Charles Robinson turns around. Robinson orders Vincent to let Jock out of the corner as he starts the 5 count given before automatic disqualification. Vinny steps away at 4, bringing Charles out to the center of the ring with him as Moe wraps the TAG ROPE around the throat of Mulligan and proceeds to pull back, causing Jock to kick his arms and legs in the air as his oxygen supply is being cut off. Baron steps in again, desperately trying to get the referee's attention to no avail. Fortunately for Baron, luck is on his side as Charles catches Wallace right in the act. Vincent brushes past the scrawny official and makes his way back to the corner...only to be met by a kick in the midsection! Jock fights out of the corner with a combination of bonic elbows and big Texas right hands. COLE Hee-yaw! Flip, flop and fly, cowboy. With Moe stumbling back mid-ring Jock attempts to leapfrog over him and tag Baron, but gets caught going up and is rammed into the corner! He falls on his hands and knees as the SCM make yet another tag. Moe chops him down like a big oak tree with a succession of double-axehandle smashes to the spine of the back. He picks Jock off the mat and heads to the nearest corner with Mulligan draped over his right shoulder...RUNNING POWERSLAM! ONE... TWO... NO! Baron cheers his partner on from the corner, slapping the top turnbuckle to rally the fans behind the Texas Twister. Vincent Santana sticks his right leg over the top rope so that Moe can ram Jock's face into the sole of the boot. Now the legal man, Santana rocks Jock in the corner with punches and overhand chops that echo throughout the Tokyo Dome. Whipped to the far corner Jock gets the boot up as Vincent charges in, sending Santana stagger towards mid-ring, his back facing Mulligan. Jock takes a deep breath before running out of the corner and spiking Vincent into the canvas with a BULLDOG! COACH Jock's too exhausted to make the cover. COLE Both men are down. If Jock could make the cover the match would be over. The fans clap and stomp their feet to encourage Jock, both he and Vincent beginning to stir. Jock is the first to his feet, abeit a bit jelly-legged. He swings and misses a giant haymaker, resulting in an atomic drop...that sends Jock stumbling into his corner and making the HOT TAG~! "YEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!" One thing you can't say about the SCM is they're chickenshit heels, because they go right after Baron as he enters the squared circle. And Baron quickly shows them why he's called a Gunslinger, coming strong at Moe and Vinny with those Texas sized steak right hands. Scoope and a slam. Another scoope and a slam. Moe rolls out to the arena floor while Vinny takes a seat on Baron's knee from an inverted atomic drop. Windels whips Santana, the legal man, to the ropes for a baaaaaack bodydrop. He scales the turnbuckles and connects with a TOP ROPE LARIAT! ONE... TWO... THREE...NO!! Moe pulls Baron halfway out of the ring before being spun around and decked by a Jock Mulligan discus punch. Moe and Jock duke it out on the floor while Baron sets Vincent on the top turnbuckle. Moe kicks Jock LOW and hurls him into the guardrail. He rushes to the corner Baron and Vincent are at, and as Baron climbs up to the second turnbuckle, his head hanging over the top rope as he pulls himself up, Moe whips out the TELESCOPIC BATON and... * BOINK * ...cracks it over the skull of Baron Windels! COLE Oh, my! * DING DING DING DING * Charles Robinson immediately calls for the bell. And though the match is officially over, the fight's only just begun as Santana produces his baton and the SCM unleash a vicious assault on one half of the Lone Star Gunslingers. The threat of physcial harm keeps the referee at bay, all he can do if frantically wave for help from the back. Meanwhile, Jock has pulled himself up on the apron and crawls through the middle and bottom ropes, only to be knee'd in the head upon entry and beaten over the ribs by the batons. Officials and security finally storm ringside, successfully putting an end to the carnage caused by the South Central Militia. COLE Showered with boos as they return to the back, Moe and Vincent proudly hold their arms and batons in the air, pleased with their accomplishment here tonight on HeldDOWN~! We, uh, obviously didn't foresee this ocurring. But given their history perhaps we should have. I understand Josh Matthews will try to get some comments from the South Central Militia as they make their way backstage. COACH (scoffs) Good luck with that. COLE Josh, are you there? JOSH (Off-screen) Yes, I am, Michael. We cut to resident metrosexual and OAOAST correspondent Josh Matthews at the Gorilla position. JOSH I am awaiting the arrival of Moe Wallace and Vincent Santana any second now. I'm going to try to get a word with them after their brutal assault on the Lone Star Gunslingers. This special challenge match turned into a special night for Jock and Baron for all the WRONG re...! Josh nearly falls flat on his face in front of a national television audience as he's bumped into by the SCM as they step through the curtain. VINCENT Watch where you're goin', essa. Can't you see we're goin' through whatcha gringos call a "chemical imbalance," vato. We're CRAZY, motherfucker! MOE (laughs) What the hell do you want anyway, man? JOSH (stammering) I just... I just wanted to, uh, ask... MOE Us a couple of questions, right, queer eye? Well I'll give you the goddamn answers! The South Central Militia have been bullshitted throughout our tenure in this goddamn promotion. Promises have gone unkept, title shots non-existant -- everybody saw what happened to that mother who tried to jack us over -- and now my tag team partner faces the possibility of going back to that shithole known as Mexico. You see this man right here, queer eye -- that's Vincent Santana, man? If all them crazy polly-want-a-cracker yahoos in D.C. have their way, then ol' Vinny is on his last days in this country. They tryin' to send his Mexican ass back to where he came from just like they wanna do all my repressed brothers and sisters! If these are our final days, you bet'cha yo' ass we's gonna go down in a blaze of motherfuckin' glory, motherfucker! Glory, glory, hallel-motherfuckin'-uiah! We're gonna beat some sense into these bitches here in the OAOAST. And who better to start with than them cowboys from Texas? The man callin' the shots is from Texas, right? And ain't Texas known for its outlaw past and shit? Well goddamnit, we just gave them a taste of life in South Central L.A. And who is gonna stop us, I ask? You, queer eye? Walker, Texas Ranger? Hell, no! What about you, Mr. Cameraman? Don't you know Marty is a girl's name, motherfucker?! Ain't no sumbitches gonna stop us, that's what. We callin' the shots now. We gonna run through every tag team in this goddamn federation and then beat the shit outta the Heavenly Rockers for the tag belts. And there ain't a damn there anybody can do to stop us. Moe goes flying into the camera, smacking his face on the camera lense as he's hit from behind by Baron Windels! Before Vincent can do anything to help his partner, Jock Mulligan gets to him first. All 4 men bash each other with whatever objects they can find nearby -- TV monitors, trash cans, Josh Matthews mircophone, etc. The very officials who had to restrain the SCM in the ring now must do the same to the Lone Star Gunslingers backstage. COLE Oh, my! What a situation we got going down in the back! We gotta get things under control. HeldDOWN~! will return right after this quick time out. Stay with us.

IMO, the Heartland Title is the closest thing to a #2 belt we have. While it and the 24/7 titles are basically the same thing, out of all the belts (24, HL & X) I think HL is the one that is the most consistent. I'd favor merging it with the other two and creating a clear #2 belt in the OAOAST.

Tony Brannigan The Heavenly Rockers The Sooner Bruisers South Central Militia Lone Star Gunslingers Theodore Moneymaker (Development) Sarcastic Simon & Narcissistic Ned * * Inactive

I doubt there will be any calls to merge the HL title. I know we don't have a clear #2 title in the fed, but that's the one I see as it.

Rather than just my losses I need to justify their creation for a little while longer, especially since it closed the book on a partnership with what was left of the NNMX. Patty, as usual, came up with a hilarious idea for them that might be used one day or they might just continue to be the JTTS they already are.

Got this out of the way early so I can have more time to write the LSGS-SCM match. No mention of anything other than the Heavenly Rockers. [b][color=#FF0000]N[/color][color=#FFCC33]R[/color][color=#33CC00]G[/color] power drinks and supplements present... [color=#3366FF]OAOAST BACKTRACK[/color][/b] [quote][b][color=#009900]ZERO HOUR[/color] Courtesy: OAOAST Home Entertainment[/b] The roar of the crowd still buzzing in the background as Logan and Frank slowly get up to their feet and begin throwing haymakers, with Mann getting the best of his bigger and stronger opponent. But Frank reverses his Irish whip, sending Logan running to the ropes where he uses the top rope as a springboard to nail Frank with a reverse crossbody...but Frank catches him and counters with a vertical suplex into a sit-out tombstone piledriver/Steiner Screwdriver/Owen Driver '97, a/k/a 69 DRIVER!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" COLE My! Arn Anderson brushes Frank aside and immediately attends to Logan, as does Synth who sees his partner/best friend lying motionless in the ring. Frank keeps trying to pin Logan, just to have Anderson keep pushing him back. Frankie enters the ring to see what's going on. Arn orders both Synth and Frankie out of the ring as EMTs begin making their way from the back. The screen cuts to a wideshot as Frank leans over to share a brief conversation...AND GETS ROLLED UP! ONE... TWO... THREE!!! * DING DING DING * The fans aren't sure what to think at first, then ERUPT as Arn raises the hands of Logan and Synth. Frank gets rough with Arn, backing him into the corner and cussing him out as the Heavenly Rockers embrace. Frankie restrains his brother while getting his words in as well. The Sooner Bruisers leave the area in disgust. VENTURA What the hell just happened?! COLE Loga Mann was playing possum! He suckered in Frank. VENTURA What kind of a dirty tatic is that? Pretending your seriously injured just to get the 1-2-3? * STYLISH CLIP JOB * The Heavenly Rockers hold up the trophy one last time as "Heart-Shaped Box" cues up. VENTURA The winners of the 2006 Anderson Cup, the HEAVENLY RRRRROOOOOOOCKERRRRRRSSSSSS! The SOONER BRUISERS return and shove the Heavenly Rockers to the ground before SMASHING the trophy in righteous indignation, SHATTERING it into a thousand pieces. Security storm the ring to keep the peace, the crowd showing the Sooners with boos as they're escorted backstage, leaving the Heavenly Rockers standing over the scattered pieces of their trophy in the ring. COLE Poor sportsmanship on the part of the Sooner Bruisers. I know how badly they wanted to win the Anderson Cup and the shot at the tag titles at AngleMania, but their behavior tonight is uncalled for.[/quote] That has been [color=#3333FF][b]OAOAST BACKTRACK[/b][/color], presented by... [color=#FF0000]N[/color][color=#FFCC33]R[/color][color=#33CC00]G[/color]: "Our tag team might not be winners, but our power drinks and supplements are!" Backstage with Hall of Famer "MEAN" GENE OKERLUND and the SOONER BRUISERS. GENE That, ladies and gentlemen, is what went down the last time the Heavenly Rockers and Sooner Bruisers were in the ring together, and together they will be again Sunday night, April 30th, at Living Angleously. That's when the Heavenly Rockers will put their newly won tag team titles on the line against the two men by my side, the men they defeated to win the 2006 Anderson Cup; I'm talking about the "Man of Tomorrow" and the "Pyscho Gremlin", Frank and Frankie Frankensteiner... the Sooner Bruisers. FRANK Defeated us? They didn't defeat nobody, Gene! Everybody who saw the Anderson Cup Finals know who really won that night. We beat Synth and Logan from pillar-to-post. The video don't lie. You saw what happened when Logan Mann tried to get cute with his flippy-floppy offense, he got caught by the largest arms in the world, the 25" anacondas, and was spiked into the mat with the move ever woman cherishes and every man dreads, the 69 Driver. That ticket to AngleMania was being reserved in the names of me and my brother when Logan pulled the greatest prank of all-time, pretending to have suffered a serious neck injury so he could buy himself time to pick his beaten ass up and continue to fight. Bravo. It worked. You sucked everyone right into your story and cleared your path to the tag titles at AngleMania. That was Oscar-winning bullshit! Logan and Synth, you were no match for our power, but you damn sure took our glory. Well, boys, we're finally gettin' our shot at the gold. The shot we should've had at AngleMania. The night OUR hands should've been raised. Congratulations on winning those belts. Enjoy them while you can. Because after our match at Living Angelously, you'll be the ones congratulating US on winning the titles. FRANKIE (howling) You know, Gene, there's a song out there that goes "reunited and it feels so good." GENE I've heard of it. We all have. FRANKIE Well, that's the story of the Heavenly Rockers and the Sooner Bruisers. Reunited. But it won't feel so good for Synth and Logan after we get done suplexing them around the ring and take home the belts. Ow, ow, ow, OWWWWWWW! GENE You'll get your chance on the 30th of this month. But later tonight you'll be involved in a big eight-man tag along with the new World Heavyweight Champion Alfdogg and Thunderkid as you 4 take on Team Heyross, Brock Ausstin and Reject. FRANK It will be an honor to team with the World Champion and TK, two men we have a great deal of respect for. Team Heyross, [i]Brock[/i], Reject, you boys better watch out because we'll gonna cause some bruising! GENE I must say, gentlemen, I just can't help but feel the animosity between yourselves and the Heavenly Rockers. I know both camps claim there's no friction, but I think I speak for everyone when I say there's obviously some bad feelings. FRANK Just because you and Dr. Phil have similar hairstyles doesn't mean you can get us to spill our guts like some plus-sized woman. We go into every match with the same intensity. Friend OR foe. It makes no difference to us. All you gotta know is, we're coming to take what should already be ours...the World tag team championship. GENE Thank you very much, gentlemen. Our time is up. Again, fans, the Sooner Bruisers will meet the Heavenly Rockers for the World tag team championship at Living Angleously, April 30th and live only on pay-per-view. I gotta tell you, being around Big Frank scares the hell outta me. You never know when the big fella might go off. Anyway, that does it from here. The action continues...

Sooner Bruisers interview Fallout from KC's Show Before The Show battle royal (he unknowingly created an angle for me)... Lone Star Gunslingers vs. SCM (Might or might not happen, but probably will so we can have more than one match this week)

Might as well. That's what our post-PPV HDs are anyway. While we're on the subject of plans, I'm finally prepared to go forward with plans for the much talked about weekend show (OAOAST Syndicated) tentatively scheduled for May 13th. A throwback to the days of when a syndicated wrestling program didn't mean a recap show, where newsworthy events took place and squash matches were the norm with the ocassional marquee match-up, moreso in the case of WCW Worldwide than WWF Superstars or Wrestling Challenge. All I know right now is the show will feature an on-location edition of The Love Shack (and I have plans for that KC, which I'll pitch to you in the next few days) and a segment for the OAOVW, where young lions will be given a chance to compete inside a OAOAST ring with the victor getting interview time afterwards. So if you wanna be apart of history, get ready.

Not much of a surprise to see another promo heavy post-PPV HD. It's to be expected now. That said, PK did a helluva job putting the show together. Can't believe its been 4 YEARS since Alf last held the title. How time flies. BTW, the OAOAST's birthday is coming up April 7th, for those who don't know. I had to re-read the Alf's promo to make sure it was indeed over. Short and to the point. Alf's a lone wolf. For a minute there I got a little giddy over the prospect of Bohemoth being the first in line for a title match. Uh-oh. Trouble brewing between CW and Bo. I do look forward to the eventually Bo singles push. For what it's worth, the best WM theme is the one used from 1990-1992. I gotta tell you, I thought PR deliver one of his stronger promos this week. It was like he was out to show everybody he can write a promo without Rock-isms. Cameras capturing PR walking backstage and kicking the doctor out of the dressing room is exactly like The Rock during the "exclusive footage" extra on the Summerslam 1998 home video. Whether that's what PR got it from or not, I found that bit amusing. With Parka forced to vacant the belt, that makes him the X-Champion. Get it? Oh, the hilarity. I'm bringing the funny tonight. I'm not really sure how to feedback the Stone/Hoff segment. It wasn't a promo but a strategy session. They obviously got a plan to make up for what happened to them at AM. Wow. The 6-man tag steel chair on a pole match came out of nowhere. I'm not really sure about having a main announcer like Caboose in matches but I trust Popick knows what he's doing. Hoff brought up an interesting point concerning the GPX in the AM feedback thread, but I have a soft spot for them since they and Black T brought the tag division back to life. Believe it or not, it completely slipped by mind that Zack now has a shot at the OAOAST Title whenever he chooses. Now he can win the belt and face Drek Stone at AngleMania VI. Patty and I will be put in Ripley's if we pull that one off. Please agree to it, Mighty One. I can die a happy man knowing I got to see that dream match. You do want me to die a happy man, right? I'd want you to die happy. The champ and former champ with short promos. And uh, yeah, PK wants payback on SJ! Kick his ass! Dan Black vs. Hoff? My God, it's Ghost Writer! I dug the promo. Hoff and NYU have great sense of timing. Once again catching us on a month we had nothing plan. Finally, a match! Liked the closing angle with SJ and PK. Without question, that was the damnest -- and most clever -- thing Patty has ever written. I had no idea it was leading to Alix pinning Leon for the title. The wild stuff with Biff and Nixon was classic O'Green. MOTN: Alix "vs." Leon Line of the Night: "Lee-Lee, my buddy in boning, my friend in fellatio, my chum in cunnilingus, are you wearing lipstick?" -- Alix Spezia