CABOOSE
Oh, baby, here we go!
Gibraltar enters the cage and, rather then enter the ring, walks over to where Calvin has landed ungraciously on the arena floor. Sly, who was planning some sort of high-flying chicanery, thinks better of it and turns to head to Ring One. Seizing the moment, Calvin slides in under the ropes! Calvin sneaks up behind Sly, but Sly quickly spins and catches Cal with a big right hand! Calvin stutters, and the fans cheer as Sly pounces, leaping at Calvin with a modified Thesz press and taking him down! Sly UNLOADS a flurry of punches, but the fans' cheers quickly shift to jeers as Gibraltar enters the ring. Sly gets off of Calvin and heads to Gibraltar, but before Sly can even act, the monster floors him with a Yakuza kick!
COLE
That's the kind of difference Gibraltar makes! He can turn a match around in one fell swoop!
Gibraltar looks down at Sly for a second before kneeling alongside of him and slapping on a blatant choke. Calvin rolls to a corner and takes a breather, but in Ring One, Crystal spots the dirty move! Crystal, who had been working over Hoff, heads off of Hoff and toward the second ring, but Hoff grabs her from behind as she tried to cross! Hoff pulls Crystal back and grabs her in a rear waistlock, but Crystal pulls a standing switch! But before she can act, Calvin springs to his feet, charges, dives THROUGH the ropes into ring one, and grabs Hoff's ankle!
COACH
What athleticism by Calvin Szechstein!
CABOOSE
Athletes like that don't get tired easy.
Crystal tries to throw Hoff over in a German suplex, but Calvin, laid out on the mat, holds tight onto Hoff's boot, preventing Crystal from hitting the move! Crystal rears back again, but Hoff casually throws a back elbow to Crystal's temple! Crystal breaks the hold, and Cal lets go of Hoff, allowing Hoff to turn around and wallop Crystal with a standing clothesline! Cal hops to his feet and laughs as Hoff lays in some boots to Crystal. Meanwhile, Gibraltar lets up on the choke on Sly as Cal switches rings and approaches the Sly one.
COLE
Nice tactic by Calvin, you have to admit, but I can't agree with what we're seeing here.
Hoff throws Crystal into a near turnbuckle in Ring One as Cal steps into Ring Two. Gibraltar picks Sly up off the mat and holds him up by his hair, allowing Calvin to slap him across the face. The fans boo as Hoff, in Ring One, lays into Crystal with a slow series of hooks to the ribs. AJ and Northstar yell encouragement from the outside as inside, Cal grabs Sly from Gibraltar and snapmares him over.
COACHSome words of support for Crystal and Sly from their teammates, but I don't know if it'll be much help.
COLE
Well the numbers game starting to take over again, especially with both the big man and the REALLY big man in for the Thrillogy.
Cal scrapes his boot across Sly's face as Hoff tosses Crystal out of the buckle and to the mat. Hoff smiles real wide and poses for the fans as Cal drops a knee across Sly's face. Gibraltar starts to pick Sly up, but is quickly cut off by a screaming Zack Malibu to "GO FOR CRYSTAL!" The fans are livid as Gibraltar looks out to his corner, where both Zack and St. Andrew are pointing towards Ring One. Gibraltar simply lets Sly drop, and Calvin capitalizes with a quick stomp to the face as Gibraltar crosses into Ring One. Hoff picks up Crystal, who throws a forearm as she rises, but Hoff shakes it off and kicks her in the midsection. Crystal doubles over, and Hoff drops her with a double sledge blow to the small of the back. Hoff smiles, but whirls around suddenly as Gibraltar comes up behind him.
CABOOSE
Uh-oh, this might not be good.
COLE
Hoff and Gibraltar have a history together...
Hoff catches eyes with Gibraltar, and for a moment, a flicker of tension passes between the two. However, just as quickly, Hoff smiles and slaps Gibraltar on the chest, telling him to "go to town" as Hoff crosses into Ring Two, where Calvin has Sly locked in a legbar.
CABOOSE
Whew! They had me worried for a second.
Hoff smirks down at Cal and nods, and Cal smiles as he wrenches on Sly's leg. Sly screams out in pain, and Hoff quickly silences him with a kick in the mouth. Hoff leans down to taunt Sly as Gibraltar picks Crystal up off the mat. Zack screams obscenities, mixed in with threats for the Female Phenom, as Gibraltar rears his fist back, but Crystal surprises him with a kick to the gut that catches him off-guard!
COACH
Atta girl!
Gibraltar shakes the blow off, but before he can regroup completely, Crystal hits him with a stiff forearm! Crystal reaches up and levels a series of forearm shots at Gibraltar, and the big man begins to teeter! Sensing her chance, Crystal runs off the opposite ropes and charges...right into a Vader-like standing splash! Crystal cruples in a heap as Gibraltar looks down. Meanwhile, Calvin lets Sly out of the legbar, and shouts something to Hoff, who nods. Hoff scoops Sly up and hoists him over his shoulder as Cal hits the ropes. Cal comes off and runs at Hoff, jumping, grabbing Sly around the neck, and bringing him down in a modified flapjack/Diamond Cutter combo!
COLE
More great teamwork from the Thrillogy members, Hoff and Calvin Szechstein.
CABOOSE
You gotta hand it to them.
Cal gets to his feet and again stomps away at the back of Cal's head. Hoff looks back to his corner and flashes a thumbs-up to Zack, who applauds the maneuver before turning his attention back to Ring One, where Gibraltar picks up Crystal, grabs her by the hair, and tosses her viciously out of the ring by her neck! Zack paces around the ring to where Crystal landed, but the referee quickly pulls Zack back to his own corner. Gibraltar steps out of the ring and hops down to the floor as, back in Ring Two, Calvin has Sly trapped in the corner. Calvin chokes Sly with his forearm, before quickly dodging out of the way, just in time to allow Hoff to hit an avalanche in the corner! Sly falls like a sack of bricks, and Hoff chokes him out with his knee. Calvin gloats to the fans in the arena...
Until the buzzer goes off!
The fans go wild as NORTHSTAR charges into the ring! Bypassing Crystal for the moment, who remains in peril on the outside, Northstar flies into the ring and hops over the ropes into Ring Two! Calvin, who was still taunting the fans, turns around just in time to be walloped by a big right hand! Calvin staggers back, clutching his jaw, as Hoff spies the commotion! Hoff eases off of Sly and stalks toward Northstar, but Northstar catches him with a flipping dropkick! Hoff goes down, and Northstar lands on his feet, quickly turning to catch Calvin with a dropkick! “Kiddy Stuff!” Northstar arrogantly comments. The fans light up as Northstar pumps his fist in celebrtion...only to be FLOORED by a clothesline to the back of the head by Gibraltar!
CABOOSE
Ah ha, the numbers game wins again!
Gibraltar, having left Crystal lying on the outside, towers over Northstar as Northstar tries to find his feet! As the sparkly superstar gets up, Gibraltar grabs him by the throat for a chokeslam, but Sly gets up out of the corner and blasts him with a dropkick to the back! Gibraltar staggers and lets go of Northstar, turning to meet Sly, and Sly blasts him with a jumping heel kick! Gibraltar falls into the ropes, and Sly grabs one arm, and Northstar rises and grabs the other! The two fan favorites whip Gibraltar across the ring and off the ropes, and catch him with a double drop toe hold! Northstar and Sly bound to their feet, but quickly get hit from behind by Calvin and Hoff, respectively!
COLE
Sly and Northstar may have gotten carried away taking down the big man!
CABOOSE
Yeah, they've gotta keep their eyes on the Thrillogy! So do I, so does you, everybody!
COLE
Yeah, really.
Both Sly and Northstar hit the ropes. Sly stumbles backwards, and Hoff catches him with a backdrop suplex. Northstar, meanwhile, turns and bounces forward, getting caught by Calvin in a snap belly-to-belly! It's the heels' turn to celebrate, as Cal and Hoff high-five after their respective suplexes. Gibraltar gets to his feet, nodding at a shouting St. Andrew. The three Team Thrillogy members turn around...and get caught with a big springboard plancha by Crystal!!
COACH
Talk about keeping your eye on the ball! The Thrillogy completely forgot about Crystal!
Zack clutches his head on the outside as, on the inside, Crystal kips up! The three bad guys all roll to their feet, and Sly and Northstar as well! It's a race to get up first, and to the delight of the fans, the good guys win! Sly and Northstar kick a rising Calvin and Hoff in the skull, sending those two back down and rolling to the outside. Gibraltar finally gets to his feet, and Crystal lays into him with a big knife egde chop! Crystal fires another, and Gibraltar stumbles back against the ropes with his back to the outside! Crystal, with a brief nod to her partners, runs back off the far ropes, springs off, and gets pressed up by Sly and Northstar, and thrown violently into Gibraltar, clotheslining him over the top!
COLE
That was insane!
Hoff and Calvin get back to their feet, shaking off the cobwebs. On either side of the ring, they head over to where Crystal and Gibraltar have landed, unaware of Northstar and Sommers in the ring. Looking across at each other, Northstar and Sly grab the top rope, jump, and twist, springing off the top rope and catching Calvin and Hoff with simultaneous top-rope Asai moonsaults!!
COACH
THAT was insane!!
A small "holy shit" chant breaks out amongst the crowd as Sly pastes Calvin and Northstar lays out Hoff. The six combatants are all laid out on the far side of Ring Two, near the Thrillogy entrance. Zack complains to the official about time, an the ref informs him he's got a bit left yet to wait. Sly grabs Calvin by the hair and heads to the Thrillogy door, telling a frustrated Malibu "this one's for you!" and slamming Cal's face into the steel cage. Calvin bounces off, and Sly smirks as Malibu begins to tear out his hair in frustration. Hoff is faring no better on the other side, as Northstar grates his face across the cage to the delight of the nearby audience. In the middle of the scene, Crystal pulls the monster Gibraltar up, sizing him up as best she can. As Gibraltar wobbles, Crystal cocks her head...looks hard at Gibraltar...turns...and plants a field-goal kick right between his legs! Gibraltar's usually stoic expression fades as his eyes bug out and he sinks to his knees! St. Andrew cries out as Crystal turns a furious gaze onto Malibu, pointing at him and screaming "THAT was for you, you son of a bitch!"
CABOOSE
Now that was low. He's a man of God!
Crystal has nothing but hate in her eyes for her former friend, Zack, as she rolls Gibraltar back into the ring. On the outside, Sly continues to throw Calvin into anything he can find -- the cage, the ringposts, the apron -- all to the adulation of the manic crowd. Calvin staggers past the Thrillogy entrance and along the long side of the double ring, Cal folowing him the whole way. Meanwhile, Northstar is a bit less lucky with Hoff, who blocks an attempt by Northie to slam his head into the ring, and reverses the maneuver. Northstar reels, and Hoff scoops him up, turning and driving his back into the ringpost! Northstar cries out in pain as Hoff drops him hard on the ground. Back in the ring, Crystal looks out among the fans before heading over to the ropes!
COLE
Could be time for the Diamond to shine!
COACH
That rhyme was wack.
Crystal steps over Gibraltar's prone body and heads to the ropes, jumping once, springing twice, and flipping over for the Diamond in the Rough, but nobody home! Gibraltar rolls toward Crystal and she jumps over him, but Crystal lands on her feet! Gibraltar gets up and turns, but Crystal goes low with a diving dropkick to Gibraltar's knee! Gibraltar shudders in pain and grasps his knee as he falls! Seizing the moment, Crystal snaps a soccer kick into Gibraltar's knee, causing the big man to literally HOWL in pain!
COLE
How do you chop down a redwood? You take it out at the base!
CABOOSE
I guess Gibraltar's not totally impervious to pain, just mostly! Come on, Gibraltar, get up...OH!
Caboose winces as Crystal turns Gibraltar over and stomps at his bad leg! Crystal grabs him by the ankle and lifts his knee up, slamming it to the mat! St. Andrew is beside himself at ringside as the monster clutches desparartely at his knee! Meanwhile, though, Zack finds himself distracted as Sly takes a break from pummeling Calvin to look under the ring...and Sly comes up with a steel chair. A cheer goes up from the fans as Sly hoists the weapon high in the air! Zack screams "NO!" as Sly advances on a reeling Calvin Szechstien, but Calvin catches Sly with a SCHOOL'S OUT SUPERKICK, INTO the chair and into Sly's face! Zack lights up, and Calvin beams and points both hands at Zack.
CALVIN
THAT was for you, baby.
Zack is all smiles as Calvin kicks Sly cockily in the back of the head. The fans are livid, booing so loud that they almost drown out the buzzer...
The buzzer which allows Zack Malibu into the match.
CABOOSE
YES!! Oh, yeah, now it's on, NOW we got ourselves a match.
Calvin shows a bit of surprise, then gives a polite golf clap as Malibu is let into the cage. The door closes behind him, and he and Zack nod at each other and slide into the ring. Crystal, who had Gibraltar in a single-leg Boston crab, lets go of the hold and rises to meet the two intruders. Crystal takes a step forward, then a step back...then a step forward as she rushes Malibu! Crystal pushes Zack into the corner and hits him with a big right hand, but Calvin quickly makes the save and throws Crystal down. Crystal rolls backwards through the throw and charges, but Calvin meets her with a big right hand that stuns her. Calvin lays into her again, and this time she stumbles and turns around...right into a SPINEBUSTER~ by Hoff!
COACH
Angry Man slam, again!
CABOOSE
You know, Hoff and I talk a lot, and he's really not that angry.
Zack and Cal are all smiles as for the moment, Sly and Northstar are both laid out on the outside of the ring. Hoff checks on Gibraltar quickly as Calvin and Zack pick Crystal up off the mat. Zack taunts Crystal, shouting "you want to be me? You want to be a CHAMPION?!" before slapping her hard and letting her fall to the mat. Gibraltar pulls himself up, slightly favoring his knee but shaking it off...
CABOOSE
NOTHING can keep Gibraltar down!
Gibraltar checks on both Northstar and Sly, who are still down from their previous beatings. Meanwhile, Hoff picks Crystal up and positions her between his legs in a standing headscissors. Hoff reaches down and grabs Crystal around her waist, lifting her up. Zack and Calvin, on either side, grab Crystal by her shoulders, and together, the Thrillogy slams Crystal with a three-man powerbomb! The fans fall silent in anger and awe, as the Thrillogy celebrates the devastating move!
COLE
Now this is brutal. This is an assault.
Zack stands straddling Crystal's prone form, looking down and smiling thinly. Zack waves Gibraltar over as Calvin hops over the ropes and lands outside the ring, heading to where Sly begins to stir. Zack points down to Crystal, and Gibraltar just nods and begins stomping away, methodically, at the Female Phenom. As Zack crosses into Ring One, Hoff looks to his right and notices Northstar getting to his feet. Before Northstar can so much as look up, Hoff grabs the top strand and catapults himself over with a cross body block to the outside! Hoff floors Northstar, and kneels next to him, punching down at Northstar's face. Meanwhile, Calvin has picked Sly up on the outside, and grabbing Sly by the neck and tights, runs him face-first into the steel cage!
COACH
That steel is unforgiving and...oh, what's Zack up to now?
Zack has crossed into Ring Two and walks over to the good guys' corner, looking at their door, where AJ Flaire is pacing, fuming, waiting to be let in the ring. Zack calls out to AJ, who looks up, his eyes lit up with rage. Zack starts throwing a series of catcalls at AJ, who grabs the cage door and tries to rip it off its hinges! Zack laughs as the referee at ringside, as well as security, pull AJ away from the cage door! Hoff, seeing the commotion from the corner of his eye, slams Northstar's head into the ring apron, then drops him and rolls into Ring Two. As security restrains Flaire, Hoff mimics and old man walking through the ring, holding onto his back and pretending to have a cane. Zack bursts out laughing as the fans let the pair know what they think of the comedy.
COLE
Come on, there's no place for this! This is a wrestling match!
The fans chant "you suck" as Zack composes himself. Hoff rolls out of the ring and heads back to meet Northstar, who catches Hoff with a punch, but Hoff simply fires back with a roundhouse right that sends Northstar spinning around and falling to the floor. Meanwhile, Calvin rolls Sly into the empty Ring Two and follows him in. Sly crawls to his knees, but Calvin pounces on him, grabbing him in a side headlock and forcing him onto his stomach. Calvin cries out "TOTALLY ENDORSED FOREVA!" to the dismay of the crowd, and laughs as he cinches in on the headlock. Meanwhile, Zack crosses back into Ring One, where every so often, when Crystal tries to get up, Gibraltar stomps hard into her lower back. Zack calls Gibraltar off, and pulls Crystal to her feet, smiling at her before sending her back down with a European uppercut. Zack calls Hoff back into the ring, and the big man lets go of Northstar's face, which he was grinding into the steel, and rolls in under the bottom rope.
COACH
What could the Thrillogy be up to now?
Hoff looks over to Ring Two, and shouts out "you okay, Cal?" Calvin just shoots Hoff a thumbs-up and quickly brings his hand back down into the side headlock. Hoff turns to Zack, who whispers something in his ear that brings a smile to Hoff's face. Zack says something to Gibraltar, and the two big men grab Crystal. Hoff holds her by the ankles, and Gibraltar grabs her by the arms, and Zack heads to the top turnbuckle. The fans begin to jeer again as Zack stands up fully on the ropes, and yells "Michael Cole!" and gyrates his hips. Hoff laughs, Calvin laughs, Gibraltar even cracks a slight smile, and Zack jumps...catching Crystal, who was suspended in midair, with a huge splash. Crystal cries out in pain, and clutches her ribs as she rolls around on the mat. Hoff and Zack slap a high-five.
COLE
This is awful, this is despicable, this is...look, look at AJ Flaire on the outside!
As the bad guys celebrate yet another big move in their onslaught, AJ Flaire paces outside the ring! AJ is almost in hysterics, grabbing his hair, and stopping occasionally to shake the cage! The fans begin to chant "A-J, A-J," but this only serves to make AJ even CRAZIER! Finally the ref begins to count down, and the fans count along!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT*
The referee opens the door, and AJ sprints into the ring!
COLE
Here comes AJ! The crowd is blowing the roof off the arena!
Indeed they are! AJ Flaire spears a hole through Zack’s gut! Zack writhes around in pain, clutching his stomach and cursing the man who invented the treacherous move known as the spear. Flaire mounts Zack but before he can even think of doing harm to the world champ, Hoff grabs him by his hair and yanks him to his feet! Hoff uses an Irish whip to propel Flaire towards Gibraltar, who tries to knock AJ’s head off with a clothesline! BUT, AJ baseball slides under the big man’s arm! He stands up and hits Gibraltar with a picture perfect dropkick that sends Saint Andrew’s goon crashing into Hoff, causing the Thrillogy member to tumble through the ropes and out of the ring!
COLE
Sound move by AJ! He used Gibraltar’s big body as a weapon.
“I’m not done with you! Get your ass back in the ring!” Flaire orders Hoff as he leans over the ropes. Flaire ceases his taunting of Hoff when he realizes that an enraged Gibraltar is on his feet. Flaire stands tall, never once looking like he’s about to back down from this gargantuan beast. Suddenly, Gibraltar clumsily stumbles towards Flaire. The former X division champion grabs the top rope and drops to the ground causing Gibraltar to free fall over the ropes and to the outside! Flaire turns his head around and sees Sly smirking at the sight of he and AJ knocking such an enormous demon out of the ring. The good times come crashing to a halt when Zack Malibu nails Sly with a low blow. The smile disappears from Sly’s face only to reappear on Zack’s. He nails Sly in the back of head with a monestrous straight kick! Zack doesn’t even bother to watch Sly crumple to the mat as the champ FLOORS~! AJ Flaire with a yakuza kick! With both men down and out, Zack stops to admire the carnage that he just caused.
COLE
Sly drop kicked Gibraltar towards AJ and AJ lowered the ropes so that Gibraltar would fall over. And now Zack takes them both out!
ELSEWHERE Calvin and Northstar have been exchanging recipes for the Austrian dish, Salzburger Nockerl in between trying to knock each other into next week with wild haymakers! Northstar breaks up the punchfest by sending Calvin to the mat with a fluid arm drag takedown. Calvin scampers away before Northstar can cinch on a potentially lethal armbar. Northstar stays with Calvin and rocks him a nasty body blow, doubling the main event star over and knocking the wind out of him! With Cal in a vulnerable state Northstar locks him into an underhook position. Calvin struggles to free himself from the hold, while at the same wasting the breath he’s fighting to catch.
“Nice knowing you, sugar!” Northstar remarks before lifting Calvin into the air and dropping the corporate sellout back first across his outstretched knee. Calvin starts to roll away, hoping to get out of the ring and catch a breather but Northstar grabs a hold of his feet and yanks him towards the center of the ring! Looking to keep his adversary down, Northstar drops an elbow onto his upper back!
CABOOSE
This match has gone on so long I’ve run out of things to say.
Noticing that Calvin is clutching his back Northstar tells him “Here’s a kiss to make it better!” as he hooks his arms around Calvin’s legs and turns him over for the Blow a Kiss (Liontamer). Northstar isn’t even able to properly lock on the move as he spots Zack Malibu charging at him with a clothesline! Northstar ducks down, avoiding a near disastrous attack but breaking his finishing move at the same time! Zack rebounds off the ropes and comes charging at Northstar like a maniac with another clothesline! Northstar bends backwards in a Matrix like maneuver avoiding the move for the second time in ten seconds! Instead of running the ropes for a third time, Zack hits the brakes and waits for Northstar to stand up. When he does Zack grabs him by the shoulder and spins him around so that they’re face to face and levels him with a stiff roundhouse kick to the face!!!!!
CABOOSE
Um, that probably hurt.
“Owwwwww!” Northstar screams at the top of his lungs as he tries in vain to call for a time out. Zack backs away from his arch rival, allowing Northstar to get to his feet without interuption. Looking to put his team in the drivers seat permanently, Zack yanks Calvin to his feet. He shares a few quick words of strategy with Calvin then the two head over to Northstar who’s leaning against the ropes and checking to see if he steel has all his teeth. Northstar fires off punch after punch in valiant effort to fight them off, but Calvin and Zack easily over power him with clubbing forearms. Zack calls out for a combination of a Back body drop into a pile driver! Calvin flashes a devious smile and nods approvingly at the anguish they’re about to cause. Zack hooks his head between Northstar’s arm as Calvin waits to perform the pile driver portion of the double team. The crowd comes to life as Crystal saves the day by clotheslining Calvin in the back and dropkicking Zack in knee before he can drive Northstar to the mat with a back body drop!
CABOOSE
If it weren’t for Crystal this match would’ve been over!
The sellout crowd is on their feet and chanting Crystal’s name while they watch her hit Zack with a release German suplex that folds him up like the now defunct California Golden Seals! Wearing a pained and perturbed look, Zack staggers to his feet. He dashes at Crystal and leap frogs her when she ducks down. He bounces off the ropes and comes at her with a yakuza kick. Crystal who has seen enough of his matches to expect him to use that signature move grabs his foot and violently shoves him down to the mat!!
COLE
If I see another yakuza kick, I’ll kill someone. Swear to god.
Fortunately for a hurting Zack, Crystal’s attention is diverted as she turns around to find herself face to chest with a fuming Gibraltar. And he ain’t here to play bridge! Before Crystal can even think of reacting, Gibraltar grabs her by the throat and TOSSES her to the corner where she lands back first against the turnbuckle! The crowd deflates like a popped balloon as it looks like another fan favorite is about to get their ass handed to them. Gibraltar charges at Crystal, seeking to sandwich the lightweight between the turnbuckle and his mountain like body! CRAAAAAACK! AJ Flaire leans over the ropes and SMACKS Gibraltar square in the face right as he was about to make road kill out of Crystal! AJ Flaire rears the chair back and lowers it on Gibraltar’s head one more time! The sound of flesh meeting steel echoes throughout the arena as the big man staggers backwards, slightly dazed from the blows.
COLE
Two chair shots and Gibraltar is still standing!
Will the third time be a charm? We’ll never know as Hoff yanks Flaire off the ring apron and brings him to the floor! Flaire wildly swings the chair at Hoff! Hoff turns his body sideways so that his tree trunk like arm absorbs the brunt of the blow. Flaire attempts to knock Hoff out with the chair one more time, but Hoff knees Falire in the gut before the boom can be lowered! Flaire drops the chair to the mat! Hoff snags him in a front face flock then falls backwards, DRIVING Flaire face first onto the steel chair! Hoff simply laughs as he watches AJ clutch his face and holler out in sheer agony. When AJ’s pain ceases to amuse him, Hoff rolls himself into the ring to join his partners in crime. He spots Gibraltar silently stalking Crystal across the ring. Crystal’s backing away from the psychotic beast while throwing weak jabs that are meant to keep him at bay rather then damage him. Crystal makes the huge mistake of backing into Hoff, who hooks her arms behind her back allowing Gibraltar the chance to take as many free shots as his sadistic heart desires. Gibraltar winds up as he prepares to rearrange Crystal’s face! But at the last possible second, Crystal mule kicks Hoff, side steps Gibraltar’s punch and watches as his fist moves Hoff’s nose three inches to the left! Crystal shoves a bleeding Hoff to the ground as she runs the ropes. She bounces back with a cross body block but Gibraltar predictably catches her! All looks lost as he falls to the mat and tosses Crystal backwards with a fall away slam! The predictable turns into the unpredictable as Sly is there to heroically catch her in his arms! He sets her down and the two fan favorites exchange smiles before charging at Gibraltar putting the biggest man in the match flat on his big ass with a double spinning wheel kicks!
CABOOSE
Gibraltar won’t stay down for long. If they want to win they need to finish him now.
Back on his feet and with blood pouring from his nose, Hoff angrily spins Sly Sommers around. Sly fires a right hand that sends Hoff daddy reeling towards the ropes! With Crystal pounding away at Gibraltar, Sly charges towards Hoff, looking to knock him to the outside and take him out of the match! However, Hoff’s looking to do the same to Sly as he ducks down and back flips Sly over the ropes! The crowd breathes a sigh of relief as Sly lands on the ring apron! Hoff simply becomes more enraged when he see’s that Sly avoided a fall to the outside! He grabs the back of Sly’s head and leads him to the corner, where he tries to smash his head into the turnbuckle! But Sly has other ideas and easily counters the move by holding onto the ropes and placing his foot onto the bottom ropes! The boy from Bayside fires off a ferocious elbow towards Hoff’s bleeding nose causing tiny drops of blood to fly from his face and land on the sweat soaked mat. Hoff glowers at the ex X division champion as Sly steps underneath the ropes. Hoff tries to bury a massive boot in Sly’s gut but Sly catches his foot! In one smooth as a baby’s behind motion Sly spins Hoff around and DROPS him with a USA High angle backdrop 2K4!!!!!!!!! The crowd roars in approval as they watch Hoff grimace in pain as he slowly rolls out of the ring, agonizing over his pathetic misfortune. Sly is unable to bask in the cheers of the crowd as he immediately Gibraltar’s gigantic hand wrapped around his neck! Sly looks past the hulking ogre to see Crystal slumped over in the corner. Coming to the stark realization that he’s his last line of defense, Sly begins to furiously kick at Gibraltar’s knees. Gibraltar shrugs off the blows as he lifts Sly by the throat high into the air! Sly doesn’t stop kicking and fighting as Gibraltar charges towards the corner and CHOKE SLAMS him onto the top turnbuckle! As he lies on the turnbuckle staring at the top of the steel cage he lets out a distressing whimper. Gibraltar looks on with a blank expression as he shoves Sly off the turnbuckle and to the outside where he joins AJ Flaire and Hoff. Still showing no emotion, Gibraltar goes to the outside with the intention on dishing out even more punishment to his opponents. As he steps over the ropes and descends to the floor, he’s cut off by Northstar, who foolishly tries to take him down with body blows! Gibraltar swats him away like an annoying fruit fly and starts to walk towards AJ. However Northstar leaps on his continent sized back and tries to lock him into a sleeper hold. This proves to be another one of Northstar’s stupid ideas as Gibraltar, with Northstar still on his back, runs backwards towards the steel cage! Just as he’s about leave an imprint of the cage on Northstar’s back the native of Beverly Hills lets go of his sleeper, hops off Gibraltar’s back, ducks underneath his legs and watches the savage fiend crash back first into the steel cage! Northstar yanks a pair of comically oversized handcuffs out of his pocket, slaps them onto Gibraltar’s wrist then handcuffs him to the steel cage! The crowd loudly cheers Northstar’s underhanded display!
CABOOSE
Can you believe that crap?
COACH
All is fair in love and war.
“Me-1! You-0!” Northstar remarks while watching Gibraltar fight like a caged animal to break free of his restraint. Northstar blows Gib’s a kiss before heading back to the ring where Calvin and Zack are stomping away at Crystal. Calvin spots Northstar entering the squared circle and breaks away from Crystal to cut him off! Upon reaching Northstar, Calvin tears his flesh to shreds with five well placed knife edge chops. As he continues choping Northstar he turns his head towards Zack and calls out for a double team. Zack brings Crystal to her feet and whips her towards Northstar, who Calvin whipped towards Crystal. Crystal and Northstar aren’t nearly as dumb as they look as Northstar ducks down allowing Crystal to use his back as launching pad to jump into the air and land on Calvin’s shoulders! Calvin also isn’t as dumb as HE looks and he tries to powerbomb Crystal! But Crystal like Billy Kidman, CAN’T BE POWERBOMBED and she reverses the move into a hurricanrana! Directly behind her, Northstar shouts “I’m gonna forearm you good!” as he SMASHES Zack across the face with a flying forearm!
COLE
Looks like Crystal and Northstar have temporary control of this match!
With the crowd on the edge of their seats Crystal grabs a hold of Calvin’s legs and sling shots him towards Northstar, who FLATTENS him with a powerful spine buster! Misery thy name is Calvin. Just like everyone else Calvin rolls out the ring. Now vehemently opposed to doing anything that might help his team win the match, Northstar wiggles his ass like he was in Lil Joh video then arrogantly twirls around as if he’s in a beauty pageant. And he twirls right into a SCHOOL’S OUT from Zack Malibu, effectively eliminating him from the match!
CABOOSE
Be cool, stay in school! Bahwhahahaaa!
COACH
This is what we all came to see, a one on one showdown between Crystal and Zack! Now we’re going to get it!
The fans engage in dueling chants of “Let’s go Crystal!” and “FUCK ZACK!” The two recipients of the chants circle each other with hatred burning in their eyes. Crystal strikes first as she quickly goes behind Zack and hits a rear waist lock. Zack prepares to reverse a German suplex only to be taken to the mat with a side amateur takedown!
COACH
Way to go! Throw that cocky SOB a curve!
His pride more hurt then anything else, Zack angrily looks on as Crystal waves him on. Not one to back down from a challenge Zack rushes towards Crystal and goes behind her for a waist lock of his own! Instead of going for a side take down like Crystal, Zack goes for a German Suplex! His ex-companion counters the move into a roll up! Zack pushes her off before any count can be made! Both competitors get to their feet! Zack locks Crystal into position for a vertical suplex! Crystal counters with a vertical suplex of her own! Zack counters her attempt by hooking his leg in between Crystal’s and shoving her away! The mile a minute paced action continues as Zack throws out a lightning quick School’s Out! As quick as he threw it, Crystal’s even quicker with a basement drop kick to his free leg! Zack falls to the ground, but quickly gets up, limping away from Crystal and looking for a way out of this predicament!
With chants of “Let’s go Crystal” raining down from every corner of the arena, the female phenom takes Zack’s legs out from under him with a swift soccer like kick! She throws her index finger into the air and her loyal fans do the same! Crystal locks on the Crystalling and poor little Zack finds himself overwhelmed by pain! He hollers out for one of his teammates to come save him from certain defeat! Some of the pain is replaced by feelings of relief as Hoff returns to the ring to answer Zack’s call for help! The feelings of relief are suddenly ripped away from Zack and replaced by those of tormented distress as he watches helplessly as AJ Falire cuts Hoff off at the pass and DRILLS his blood soaked nose with a FLYING~! chair shot! Zack looks on in horror as Hoff lies on the mat unconscious and the fans chant for him to tap out! Zack makes one last futile plea for help then finally TAPS OUT to the Crystalling!
The minute Zack’s hands hit the mat, the fans erupt like a volcano, nearly blowing the roof of the arena with their cheers!
COACH
SHE DID IT! I MEAN, THEY DID IT! BUT SHE DID IT!
CABOOSE
Calm down, fanboi! Zack’s still the champ. In the long run that’s all that matters. Crystal and her gang of cronies and boy toys can win all the War Game’s matches they want, but until they take the world title off Zack Malibu’s waist, it won’t mean anything.
COACH
Don’t you dare try to take this moment away from me!
COLE
You? You didn’t do anything!
COACH
I had to sit on my ass and do squat while Crystal took beating after beating from these goons! That’s doing a lot!
As loud as “Set it off” screams over the sound system it’s not enough to drown out the appreciative cheers from the fans. As the cage is raised towards the ceiling(sans Gibraltar) Crystal lets go of Zack and looks out towards the celebrating crowd. Nearly exhausted she drops to her knees, holds her head towards the ground and weakly pumps her fist into the air in victory. Crystal finally sprawls out across the mat and we fade out with the crowd still chanting her name and her being unable to hear it.
