The Amazing Rando

"Come on down to Joey's Mercury's, Buick's, and Chrysler's!"

New Orleans, early morning. Baton Rouge is almost an hour in the opposite direction, but a lone black rental car’s headlights beaming out over the bay waters and into the distance has the full attention of one man’s eyes. Eyes shroud behind locks of hair askew from the night wind. On most other days, in most other scenarios, wiping the blood from this lonely man’s face would show the world the trademark smirk of Alan Clark, self-proclaimed Happiest Guy On Earth. But the blood is there for a reason, a visual cue to any unlucky onlooker that the man they see before them is not one of show-tunes and pristine costumes, but one whose million dreams revolve more around his own past and the path he has found himself traveling on than the happiness of those around him. You can not call it multiple personality disorder. You can call it schizophrenia. You can call it any measure of insanity that has a clear cut medical definition. What you can say is that everywhere Alan Clark goes, and everything he does – Bloodshed watches. Alan Clark had told Walter Reynolds that he wanted to be alone, to prepare for his upcoming tag team match. That was eight hours ago. If it had not been for Alan’s constantly ringing cellphone, Walter might have called the police by now. ”Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll be back to the hotel in the morning. I’ll be careful. Don’t you trust me?” “I have walked a path these past few years, searching for myself. Am I this? Am I that? Am I really whatever I want to be? Not lately. I want the rules to go away. I want the boundaries that have held me in place to shatter underneath my feet. I want to say I’m happy running around the OAOAST, having staplers jammed into my flesh and my body driven through tables and into concrete, and years ago I might have stood on a beach just like this one and told the world that pain was all I would ever need to be happy, but I’m not happy. A world full of pain and self-mutilation is fine some of the time, and a world full of sing-song rhymes, smiles, and costumed characters can be just as fine some more of the time – but where is the balance?” ”You can trust me. I haven’t steered you wrong yet, have I?” “Signatures on dotted lines have thrown the balance to the wayside, but one day a week – one night a week – of what those on OAOAST TV have called “insanity” and “uncalled for”, as though we simply showed up one day on a whim and decided to wreck everything they had worked so hard for. No, we were invited. We were asked to come in as a favor, and even though he knew exactly what he was getting in to, he still looked at us as monsters when he saw what we were capable of.” ”You aren’t going to get fired, okay? If I’m not back in my room by 10, then you can call me, otherwise, just get some sleep. Alright? Good.” “It was said once before, outside of a tiny apartment building in Las Vegas, that the SWF did not need Alan Clark. And before you I stand and say that truer words might have never been spoken. The SWF may indeed not need Alan Clark – but I do. Bloodshed needs Alan Clark. It may come as no surprise that where one goes, the other follows, but it seems to be that the closer one is to the other, the more stable the reaction. The farther apart we go, the louder the eventual explosion. When Alan Clark signed his name for the SWF and for the Walt Disney Company, it was not because he was needed, it was because he knew that he needed to stay close to me. But then I disappeared, and ended up in the OAOAST. The balance shifted, and people almost got seriously hurt. It was only after a long hiatus and even more mind-numbing paperwork that the balance has been restored…but the problem with it all is – …I don’t want balance. The SWF needs it. The Walt Disney Company needs it. Alan Clark needs it. …but I don’t. Where Alan might say that it is a small world after all, I say ‘good’, the sooner you will run into me, and less time that you will all have to wait…and…bleed.” Riiiiiiing… …riiiiiiiing… …riiiiiiiiing. “What?” ”You can trust me. I haven’t steered you wrong yet, have I?” Click.

Man, they are killing off my favorites one by fucking one... first Booster and now Question. God damn it.

"What, don't want to talk to me, big man? How about you go drop dead!"

Well, there's the big competition for Transformers. Gotta love the huge wreck where the two cars "catch" the third flying one to save the people just below it. That's like, the Canadian Destroyer of Movie Stunts.

There was no chance of a lawsuit. Eddy was by all accounts clean, and it was just his heart giving up because of the years of abuse it had suffered. If anything, Vince added time to his life by sending him to rehab and doing whatever he could to get Eddy out of the gutter. It was just a tragic "bound to happen sometime" moment. Eddy was just poor with saving money, and it left his family hurting after he passed. He spent what he made, and they were in trouble because of it. Vince shouldn't be obligated to just HAND the family money, because who knows who would come out of the woodwork screaming for equal treatment (regardless of whether or not anyone else would actually DESERVE something from Vince). Is making Vickie still have to think about and deal with Eddy's death on national television fair, not at all, but it's giving her and the rest of her family a steady paycheck, and that's something she could use.

the new theme song of the Christmas PPV is going to be The Vandals' "My First Christmas As A Woman"

No wonder my asshole hurts.

Dammit...I knew she was really MrBeezel.

Apparently Underdog will be voiced by Jason Lee. At least I think that's what IMDB is saying.

I'd like to say "that's what you get for hiring people that don't know about wrestling" but DAMN. How could you not, running around in the company for even a WEEK, not know who Stephanie McMahon is?

I just noticed... typing "W ! !" (but together) comes out as "Wii" ... as I was trying to double exclaim "Pay Per View" and it came out "Pay Per VieWii"

Roddy Piper would hold a "major" WWE Title... Eddy would still be the center of a storyline going into 2007.

They'll probably put you in the Big Opening Match Of Joy and Happiness and Serious Bodily Harm.

I hated the fucker on the train with the shield. He was such a dirty motherfucker.

Matt Strikers teacher friend Kurt..who teaches Geometry..say hello to the new Kurt Angle! oh man.. Up next on RAW, J.R. promises us that he's just signed "Kurt Angle" to a new contract! Time for a special repackaging, Vito! Duane Gill *IS* Kurt An-Gill

Can't we have Landon Maddix LIVE! instead?

I gave my two names to Flesher in an IM, but here ya go... SWF Smarkurnalia SWF Makes Baby Jesus Cry (Only On Pay-Per-View)

You better hope that's on PPV so Angle can "rub his balls in Puder's face"...

Ask Akira, as I am not sure he's nailed down stipulations yet.

It reminds me of the fake simulation from Running Man with Arnold and Ventura.

Vote for Rando, ya bastards.

Looks like Samoa Joe with gigantism.

Either that or Austin vs. Taker ... depending on who you ask.

I second the Wednesday nomination, and say we create a whole new name. Although if Storm is supposed to be the flagship, we should use it if not something new.