Well here is one. The Snake Eyes ME.
__________________________
Following a backstage interview, the main-event gets underway with a scene from Stubby’s locker-room. The cameras slowly scan the room and eventually focus on the washroom door. Misty stands outside the door and yells at Stubby, who’s presumably on the other side…
“Hey! You can’t just hide from me in the there, you’ve got a match in five minutes and you’ve gotta’ come out sometime!”
“I’m not hiding,” retorts Stubby “I left my belt in here and I’m not goin’ down to the ring without it…”
“Yeah sure, then why’d you lock yerself in there?” yells Misty as the door suddenly swings open.
“Fine, I’m out. You may continue your screaming Mrs. Rivers…”
“Thanks, I will.” responds Misty “Ya’ know we’re supposed ta’ be a team Stubby and I for one have always there for the team. I constantly encourage you and deny it if you will, but if it wasn’t for me there’s no damn way you’d still have that belt! So I don’t know where you get this ‘I don’t want you at ringside’ sh*t, but whether you like it or not I’m g--”
“Okay wait a second,” interrupts Stubby “you really wanna’ be there with me? Fine, get yer stuff and make it fast, I don’t wanna’ be late for the match…”
Misty’s a bit startled when Stubby gives in so easily, but the shock soon wears off and she runs to get ready as the scene shifts to the commissioner’s office. A sullen looking Divefire sits behind his desk with an icepack on his head as he tries to recover from the injuries he sustained after getting involved in the Wilson/Outcast match. While Divefire tries to recuperate, Andrea sits on the other side of the desk natterering away, seemingly oblivious to the look of pain and boredom on her powerful friend’s face…
“…so I was in the cafeteria and everyone was like, good luck on Sunday Andrea! So of course I like thanked them, but once I left the room I could hear everyone goin’ on about how ‘that girl doesn’t have a chance’ and I like just wanted to go back in there and kick all their--”
“Um, don’t mean to cut ya’ off but is there a point to all this?” asks Divefire weakly.
“Yeah Fire, no-one’s takin’ me seriously!” replies Andrea “Not even my supposed friends, I mean Stubby was laughin’ like I’m some sorta’ joke when he gave me the shot!”
“Well…what am I supposed to do about it? Punish everyone who makes you feel bad?”
“Well no of course not!” shouts Andrea “You don’t havta’ do anything ‘cause I’m gonna’ prove them wrong myself! The Montgomery’s have gold in their blood ya’ know, me an’ my brother uh…wherever he is, have won more titles than anybody here. I mean we’re like the freakin’ um…Harts of the IGNWF so I’m gonna’ go out there by myself and win that belt for him just incase, ya’ know, he doesn’t come back or something…”
As Andrea trails off Divefire pulls himself out of his commissioner’s chair, drops the icepack on his desk then begins to speak…
“Well, we don’t have much time and I’m starting to feel a bit better, so I guess we should go…” declares Divefire as he walks around from behind his desk.
“What?! You can’t go with me, I’ve been tellin’ everyone I’ll be down there alone! I’ll look like an idiot if I come strolling down the ramp with the commissioner beside me!” hollers Andrea.
“Well ya’ know what Andrea?” responds Divefire “I don’t really care. I mean do you wanna’ be sitting in a hospital bed for a month because one of those psychos decides it’d be fun to beat up on a woman? Those 3 guys are some of the best, not to mention dirtiest players in this company and I won’t let them put you in a wheelchair just because you’ve got some stupid th--”
“You’d better stop yerself right there before you say something you’ll regret. ” snaps Andrea “I mean I thought you’d be the one person I could talk to, but obviously you respect me about as much as everyone else!”
“Now wait just a s--”
“Aw c’mon, I’m just some sorta’ little project to you aren’t I? Here Andrea, you’re the Light-heavyweight champion, come have dinner with me Andrea, now let’s go to my h--”
“Hey just stop it,” cuts in Divefire “I respect you and you know it! Hell, everyone here does…except maybe Stubby, but why in God’s name would you listen to him?! You wanna’ fight this one without me? That’s fine, but if you look like you’re in trouble I’m gonna’ be there. That’s the best deal you’re gonna’ get from me, so I suggest you take it…”
Andrea mulls it over for a few seconds, before looking up and nodding her head…
“Yeah…yeah, okay sounds good…”
“What th’ hell was that?” grumbles NTD as the cameras return to ringside “The ‘Days of our Lives’?!”
“Well…we’ve been losing a ton of female viewers ever since Outcast quit cutting his estrogen pumped promos,” replies Curry “ and we’ve gotta’ get those ratings back up somehow! Besides, if this was really the ‘Days of our Lives’ Andrea would be Divefire’s long lost cousin…”
“Actually that’d be a damn good angle. I once had this really hot cousin and whenever I went over to her h--” NTD’s mic is quickly cut off, ending a potentially embarrassing spiel.
“Uhhh…anyways folks, this bout was set up by the champion himself as he won the right to book his own Pay per View match when he survived a grueling 5 man battle royal on Storm. Now there’s some confusion regarding what this type of match should be called, but it seems it’s most commonly referred to as a ‘double jeopardy’ match and since this is the first bout of it’s type here in the IGNWF, I’ll try to explain the rules…” says Curry as he pulls a card out from underneath the announcer’s table…
“The match will start off as a no-DQ, anything goes battle with all four opponents in the ring as always. The 4 people will be divided into 2 pairs and while you’re allowed to attack anyone you want, only your designated opponent has the power to eliminate you via pinfall, submission of knockout. Once two people have been eliminated the remaining pair will wrestle for the title in a regular singles match. Basically it's a small 4-person tournament with the title on the line. So NTD, think you can give out the pairings?” invites Curry.
“Well, if you turn my mic back on I…oh, you already did.” gripes NTD “Okay, well Andrea will be taking on Bobby Riley and Stubby’ll fight Fallout. How was that?”
“Just fine, and ya’ know you’ve gotta’ admit those are some really interesting pairings, I mean just lo--” Curry’s cut off in mid-sentence as the lights dim and “Keep Away” by Godsmack begins to play.
A white pyro bursts from the stage then as the smoke from the explosion flows out over the audience a faint green glow lights the entryway and two dark figures emerge from behind the curtain. The green light intensifies, eventually revealing both Fallout and El Luchador Magnifico to be standing on the stage. The crowd boos loudly as Fallout makes his way down the ramp followed by a beaten, bandaged and limping Magnifico.
“What the hell’s Magnifico doing here?!” wonders a bewildered Curry “He’s just been through one of the most brutal tag-matches I’ve seen in my life, he’s in absolutely no condition to be accompanying Fallout to the ring!”
“Oh, and what would you prefer? That Fallout come down here alone?! He’s the leader of Prime Evil for Christ’s sake! As the dictator of the IGNWF’s evilest stable he has the right to force his supporters to do whatever he wants, no matter how unreasonable!” rants NTD.
“Well excuse me…”
Once Fallout reaches the base of the ramp, he moves around to the top/right corner, rolls under the bottom rope then moves into the center of the ring as a beat up Magnifico takes a seat on the ringsteps. Fallout stands in the center of the squared circle with his feet apart and eyes closed then as he slowly lifts his arms skyward a huge green explosion erupts from behind him, scaring the crap out of Magnifico as rests on the stairs. Fallout pulls a mic from his tights and begins to speak…
“If you people could just shut your mouths for a couple seconds, I’d like to say few words,” begins Fallout who can barely be heard over the roar from an angry audience “ah ta’ hell with it, could someone just turn up the volume on my mic? Okay that’s better, now you morons must be asking yourselves, what could that handsome Fallout possibly have to say to me? Well, I decided it would be fun to take a little stroll down memory lane, back to the days when we dominated the JL then perhaps a bit forward to when we all entered the IGNWF. People didn’t pay much attention to us then, but if they’d been listening they would have heard the original members say that they were gonna’ dominate this damn company. Well since then we’ve had a lot of members, claimed alota’ gold and pissed alota’ people off, but we still haven’t achieved our ultimate goal, to have a member reach that very highest peak in the company and claim the IGNWF heavyweight title…until now that is. Last Friday I managed to beat both Cyclone Comet and Neilson, the two men most people had pegged as future world champions, in fact I came within inches of beating Stubby himself. Well tonight, whether you bastards like it or not the champion’s devastation is at hand and when I beat him I’ll have finally brought this stable the glory it’s always deserved…” Fallout drops his mic, kicks it out of the ring then taunts audience as the arena is once again plunged into darkness…
As a pair of neon green spotlights scan the crowd, No Doubt’s “Just a Girl” starts to play and the Wild Cards logo appears on the IGNWF-tron, growing steadily larger as it whirls forward. After a few seconds Andrea Montgomery steps through the curtain by herself then pauses briefly as bright green sparks shower down from above. Andrea runs from one side of the stage to the other, pumping up the already exited crowd before making her way down the ramp, accepting high fives from her fans along the way. Andrea reaches the bottom of the ramp and while keeping a cautious eye on Fallout she leaps up onto the apron near the bottom/left corner then swings through the ropes. Andrea releases the ropes, lands a few feet from the corner then does a quick forward roll into the center of the ring as green sparks burst from the four turnbuckles. The lights return and Andrea keeps an eye on Fallout as she moves towards the top/left corner…
“Hmmm…ya know’ I’m usually not a big Montgomery fan, didn’t much care for her brother either, but with an ass like that Andrea just might turn me around…” blurts out NTD.
“What’d you just say?! You do know Divefire will make you write a formal apology once he hears you said that, don’t you? Those things’re a bitch to write, a thousand words, plus he checks them for grammar and sincerity…”
“Yeah well, I was trying to get a sorta’ Jerry Lawler vibe goin’ there.” explains NTD “I think I’ve got the sexist stuff down, all I need to do now is screw up the names of basic moves and toss out a pile of racial slurs. Too bad no-one in the IGNWF wears a turban…” once again the arena lights begin to dim…
As the announcers continue to talk amongst themselves White Zombie's "More Human Than Human" rips through the darkness and after a few seconds the lights begin to flash violently. Bobby Riley walks out onto the stage (without Rebecca), unnoticed at first in the havoc that the lights are creating. Finally the crowd recognizes Riley and begins to boo loudly as he makes his way down to the ring. Riley slides into the squared circle amidst the boos then yells something at Andrea, who rolls back out to the floor as she doesn’t want any trouble before the match starts. Riley removes his coat, drapes it over the bottom/left turnbuckle then glares at his opponents as he waits for the champion to arrive…
“Alright, now there’s the man who’s gonna’ walk outta’ here a champion,” announces NTD “cute ass or not, Andrea doesn’t stand a chance against Riley and neither does Stubby…”
“A Riley win’s definitely a possibility,” admits Curry “he beat McWeed on an episode of Storm about a month and a half ago in surprisingly decisive victory. McWeed’s been on a winning streak ever since, but he’s taken a heavy beating defending that belt and Riley may be able to pry it away from him tonight…”
The arena’s shrouded in blackness as the crowd waits in silent anticipation. Several seconds later a single point of light shoots up from the centre of the stage, cuts through the darkness then explodes with a thunderous crack, illuminating the audience and stage with an eerie green glow. The haunting green light reveals Stubby to be standing on the stage along with his wife then “Hash Pipe” by Weezer starts to play as series green spotlights whirl deliriously over the audience. As the crowd cheers Stubby makes his way towards the ring then stops once he reaches the bottom of the ramp. The lights return and Stubby pulls a mic out of his pocket then begins to speak as he strolls over towards the bottom/right corner…
“Well, a big hello to my opponents and to all the great IGNWF fans here in Las Vegas!” begins Stubby, grabbing the cheap pop as he always does “Now don’t worry folks, I’m not about to break into some long winded lecture tonight, no…I just wanna’ remind you people of a few important numbers. I mean Las Vegas is all about numbers and it just so happens that this is the 3rd Pay per View in a row I’ve main evented and that feels pretty damn good. Not only that, but since I won this belt I’ve had 4 people try to take it, all of whom failed of course and tonight I’m gonna’ add a 5th and 6th name to that list, easily qualifying me as the ‘fightinest’ champion in the history of the IGNWF! So let’s quit the stallin’ and get this show on the road!” shouts Stubby as he removes his belt and passes it along with his mic to Misty who follows close behind him…
Stubby rolls into the ring then moves into the bottom/right corner. Once Stubby’s in the ring the referee slides in as well and suddenly all eyes are on a wary Andrea who slowly climbs through the ropes. Once all four opponents are in the squared circle, the bell rings officially starting the match…
While an injured Magnifico sits slumped over in a chair at ringside, the four wrestlers vying for the title try to stare each other down. Every once in a while someone nervously takes a step forward then quickly pulls back again, not wanting to expose themselves to an attack.
The seconds continue to slip by with no-one daring to make the first move. Finally Stubby decides to break the tension, strides confidently into the center of the ring then dares someone, anyone to take a shot at him!
Stubby dares his opponent’s to attack him, but he’s taken aback when both Riley and Fallout immediately launch themselves out of their corners then charge directly at him! Fallout gets within striking distance about a second before Riley and attempts to knock Stubby’s block off with a stiff superkick! Fallout thrusts his leg towards Stubby, but the pothead manages to drop down onto his back just in time and Fallout misses his target by around half an inch.
Fallout doesn’t score with the kick and quickly spins himself to avoid losing his balance. As Fallout spins around Bobby, who was planning to nail the champ with a float over clothesline, slams on the breaks then drives a lightning fast series boots into Stubby’s upper chest and head. As Bobby slams his foot into Stubby’s skull, Fallout spins around a full 360 degrees and suddenly two old rivals find themselves face to face…
“Whoa, this should be interesting,” remarks Curry “these two men have a history which runs back to before either of them were even in the IGNWF! Fallout dealt Bobby Riley the first loss of his career and since then these men’s paths have continued to cross…”
“Ah yes very informative, but I have a question…”
“Oh uh, sure…whattaya’ wanna’ know?”
“I’m thinking I should come up with some sort of personal animal-related euphemism for breasts to enhance my new Lawler-esque announcing style,” declares an unusually well spoken NTD “and since ‘puppies’ and ‘kitties’ have already been done I was wondering if you think ‘hamsters’ could work? Honestly I think it’s a better name than ‘puppies’, I mean when was the last time you actually saw a woman with breasts the size of a dog?”
“Hmmm…yeah, plus hamsters are all soft and boneless,” responds Curry “I mean if you really tried you could probably push a hamster right through a…hey wait a minute, what the hell am I doing?! Quit trying to drag me into your sick little world…”
The two old adversaries instantly begin to argue as Stubby lies on the mat beneath them. The argument rages on and just as the two men look like they’re about to attack each other, Andrea comes from behind then leaps onto Riley’s back!
Andrea wraps her legs around her opponent’s torso and grasps tightly onto the startled Riley’s neck as he staggers back. Riley stumbles towards the left side of the ring while desperately trying to pull his opponent of his back, but before Riley can remove her Andrea drops to the mat of her own free will. Andrea holds onto Riley’s head with her left arm then falls to the canvas, forcing him down into a side-headlock.
The second Andrea jumped onto Riley’s back Fallout focused his attention on Stubby, blasted him with a kick to the throat then stomped the crap out of him before hauling him to his feet. While Fallout’s pulling the champ off the canvas Andrea captures Riley in a side-headlock, quickly dashes forward then nails him with a running bulldog!
Andrea grinds Riley’s face into the canvas near the top/left corner then springs back to her feet, but her bulldog doesn’t have much of an effect on Riley as he immediately starts pulling himself off the mat. Riley hauls himself onto his hands and knees, but before he can go any further Andrea moves like a flash, runs towards the corner, hops up onto the second turnbuckle then twists her body around before leaping at her opponent.
As Andrea soars towards Riley she pulls off a quick forward roll, extends her leg then brings it down over the back of her adversary’s neck, knocking him to the mat! Andrea nails Riley with a 2nd rope rolling heel kick, driving his face into the canvas before she grabs him by the legs then draws him away from the ropes. Andrea quickly flips Riley over, plants a knee in his chest while facing in the opposite direction as him then reaches back, hooks both her opponent’s legs and leans forward, forcing his shoulders to the mat. The ref’s distracted by the Fallout/Stubby battle taking place on the other side of the ring and it takes him a second to start the count…
1…2…Riley manages to kick out immediately following the 2 count.
Riley escapes the pin and Andrea releases his legs, rolls backward, springs to her feet then crouches down slightly, preparing to strike at her opponent once he gets up off the mat. Riley gets to his feet about a foot away from the ropes and Andrea rushes towards him (planning to nail a missile dropkick) but Riley sees her coming then thrusts his leg forward, hoping to knock her down with a big boot.
Bobby attempts to nail a big boot, but Andrea manages to stop short then leap onto his conveniently extended leg. Andrea wraps her arms around Riley’s ankle, scissors his upper leg between her thighs then tries to pull him down to the mat with a leg-scissors takedown, but at last second Riley reaches back and grabs onto the ropes.
Riley anchors himself to the ropes and Andrea’s unable to pull him off his feet, instead she simply drops down to the mat while clutching onto her adversary’s leg. Riley forces Andrea to release him by driving a couple stiff kicks into her side with his free leg. Andrea releases her opponent, rolls back then pops up to her feet and as she does Riley shoves off from the ropes with an attempted clothesline, but Andrea manages to duck under the attack…
“Wow, alota’ people doubted her, but Andrea’s managed to fight toe to toe with Riley thus far in this match. She’s looking impressive in her first of possibly many Pay per View main events…” notes Curry.
“Gimme’ a break, Riley’s just wants to save his energy for when he has to face a real opponent,” retorts NTD “he could take Andrea down anytime he wanted…”
Riley misses with the clothesline, runs right past Andrea then quickly slams on the breaks and whirls around, but as he does Andrea twists her body 180 degrees, driving an elbow deep into Riley’s midsection! Riley hunches over a bit and Andrea pulls his right arm down over her shoulder setting him up for her ‘Fine and Dandy’ flipping DDT, but before she can hook Riley’s neck he bashes her in the skull a crushing elbow smash!
Riley drills his elbow into the top of Andrea’s skull and she releases his arm then reels forward. Andrea staggers forward a step but before she can go any further, Bobby grabs her around the waist, hoists her off the mat then twists around and slams her down into the canvas with an impactful belly-to-back takedown!
Riley immediately drops into a sitting position on Andrea’s stomach, completing his signature ‘ultimate takedown’. Andrea tries to squeeze out from under her opponent, but before she can escape Riley winds up then smacks her across the face with a hard-hitting slap, snapping her head to the side and leaving a bright red handprint on her cheek. The slap stuns Andrea slightly and before she has a chance to recover Riley grabs her by the throat then leans forward, using his entire bodyweight to choke the life out of his victim.
While the ref’s consumed by the Fallout/Stubby war being waged just a few feet away, Riley continues to violently choke the light-heavyweight champ, only releasing Andrea once her face has turned a bright shade of red and she appears to have passed out. Riley releases Andrea’s neck, raises his right arm, tightens his hand into a loose fist then belts his female opponent across the face with a vicious backhand blow! As Riley gets to his feet and begins to taunt the enraged audience, a barely conscious Andrea drags her body towards the top/left corner, where she attempts to regain her composure…
“Dammit, that’s just not right.” remarks Curry “I mean, I have no problem with women wrestling men, but what we just saw had nothing to do with ‘wrestling’. That was just some asshole beating the crap out of a woman for no good reason…”
“Hrm…I wonder what Rebecca will have to say when she sees Riley choking the life out of another woman? If he doesn’t win the title, I suspect Riley’s in for a doubly disappointing evening…”
Immediately after Andrea leapt onto Riley’s back (earlier in the match), Fallout turned his attention towards Stubby, stomping his designated opponent several times before pulling him to his feet. After hauling Stubby off the canvas, Fallout snares him in a rear waistlock, tows him back towards the top/right ringpost then quickly hauls the champ into the air and breaks him in half with a vicious german suplex!
Fallout nails Stubby with a huge suplex, driving his head and shoulders down into the mat less that a foot away from the bottom turnbuckle. With Stubby down Fallout pulls himself off the mat, stomps the champ a few times then grabs him by the legs and drags him a few feet towards the center of the ring before signaling towards the top/right turnbuckle.
The fans boo at the top of their lungs as Fallout begins climbing the turnbuckle so he can hit his finisher, the ‘Nuclear Bomb’ (450 degree splash) but Fallout tries to ignore them. As Fallout reaches the second turnbuckle someone in the audience chucks a full beer cup at the evil stable leader and he has to duck to avoid it. The cup misses it’s intended target, but Fallout’s still mighty pissed as he starts to scream at the fan he believes threw the beverage and while he’s temporarily distracted Stubby starts to regain his senses.
Finally Fallout grows tired of arguing with the audience, climbs up onto the top rope and turns around but before he’s able to leap off, Stubby pulls himself onto his hands and knees then lunges forward, driving himself into the turnbuckle with a crude shoulder-block! Stubby slams his body into the ringpost, which causes Fallout’s feet to slip out from under him and send him crashing down onto the top turnbuckle…
“Ouch, Fallout just missed a huge opportunity there,” calls Curry “he could’ve easily taken the champ outta’ this match if he hadn’t allowed himself to become distracted…”
Fallout slips then drops down into a sitting position, crotching himself on the ringpost as Stubby pulls himself to his feet. As Riley chokes Andrea out on the other side of the ring Stubby gets up, walks forward then drives a few stiff punches into Fallout’s gut, just to make sure he doesn’t go anywhere. With Fallout stuck on the top turnbuckle, Stubby turns around and starts to climb the ropes backwards as he plans to nail his opponent with his finisher the “Pipe Bomb” (top rope reverse crucifix brainbuster).
Stubby makes it to the second rope and is about to pull his rival’s head down over his shoulder when Fallout come to his senses then blasts the champ over the head with a powerful double-axe handle! Fallout nails the axe-handle and Stubby drops off the second turnbuckle then lands on his feet in front of Fallout, who plants a boot in the center of the pothead’s back before shoving him forward.
As Stubby lurches out of the corner, Fallout hauls himself into a crouching position on the top turnbuckle and waits for his opening. Stubby stumbles forward a few steps before he stops himself and turn back towards the top/right corner. Stubby turns around and as he does Fallout leaps off the turnbuckle, grabs Stubby by the head then attempts to nail him with a jumping tornado DDT!
Fallout grapples Stubby’s head and swings off to the left, but before he can get far Stubby extends his right arm, grabs his opponent between the legs then brings him to a grinding halt. Stubby catches his opponent in mid-air, spins him around in the opposite direction, grasps onto his shoulder then heaves Fallout towards the mat before crashing down on top of him! Stubby reverses his opponent’s DDT into a huge rotating powerslam, drives him into the canvas, quickly rolls over so his shoulders lay across Fallout’s chest then hooks the leg…
1…2…Fallout escapes before the 3 count and the crowd boos loudly.
“That reversal was crucial for Stubby,” Curry informs the viewers “as it could easily put him back in charge of his opponent and allow him to end this first round quickly, which he n--”
“Oh, who cares?” butts in NTD “I’m pretty sure our viewers would much rather watch Andrea and her hamsters pull themselves up in the corner. I mean I really gotta’ hand it to her, she’s a helluva lot more resilient than that blow-up sex doll I bought last week. They just don’t seem to make ‘em like they used to…”
While Stubby covers Fallout, Riley finally grows weary of taunting the fans and turns back towards a woozy Andrea, who’s used the ropes to get back on her feet. Andrea’s standing but doesn’t seem to be all there and as she leans against the top/left turnbuckle Riley charges towards her.
Riley runs forward and attempts to nail his adversary with a kick to the gut, but just as Riley drives his foot forward Andrea summons all her strength, pushes off from the mat then pulls herself up into a shaky half-handstand on the top turnbuckle. Andrea avoids Riley’s kick and his foot slams into the ringpost, forcing Andrea to lose her balance then fall back towards the ring.
Within’ the space of a second Andrea drops back towards the ring, lands back-first over her opponent’s shoulder, slides down behind him then grabs him by the head and hits him with a jarring neckbreaker! With some help from the turnbuckle Andrea nails Riley with a massive handstand neckbreaker, bouncing her tailbone off the mat as she does. With pain shooting through her lower back and BUTT Andrea starts to pull herself up as Riley lays prone on the mat…
“Aw look, poor lil’ Andrea fell on her bottom.” sneers NTD.
“Jesus, you have some real issues with women don’t you? It’s a good thing we only have one female wrestler in the IGNWF, because I doubt your feeble mind could handle any more…”
After Fallout kicks out of the pin, Stubby slowly pulls himself up then hauls his opponent to his feet before placing his chin over his shoulder. Stubby’s about to nail Fallout with a shoulder jawbreaker, but the leader of Prime Evil manages to bury a knee deep into his adversary’s gut, preventing the move.
Fallout knees Stubby in the stomach, catches him with a thumb to the eye then wraps his arms around the pothead’s waist and places his head underneath his right arm, setting McWeed up for a northern lights suplex! Fallout’s about to nail the suplex, but a quick thinking champion manages to wrap his left leg around his enemy’s calf, blocking the maneuver.
Fallout tries to power his opponent over, but the effort’s in vain as Stubby tightens his grasp on Fallout’s head (which is still under Stubby’s right arm) then pushes back and drops to the canvas, drilling his adversary’s head into the mat with vicious DDT!
“Another good reversal by M…hey, wait a second.” exclaims Curry, interrupting his own train of thought “Magnifico’s out of his chair and walking, well actually limping, over towards us! What the hell do ya’ think he’s got planned?”
“Probably nothing, Mexicans aren’t exactly known for their brains.” answers NTD sarcastically.
“Now folks, don’t forget to send NTD your hate mail and letters bombs, he’s seems to be trying extra hard to piss everyone off tonight and you’re angry letters should really make his day…”
“Yeah well, everyone loved the racial slurs when Lawler was doing ‘em.” whines NTD.
Stubby nails the DDT, hauls Fallout back to his feet, kicks him in the gut and is about to set him up for the Paranoid Freak-out when he spots his wife out of the corner of his eye. McWeed faces away from the top side of the ring as he glances at his wife who yells and points wildly at something behind him. Stubby catches on swiftly then turns around, but as soon as he does he’s bashed in the head with the light-heavyweight title!
While Stubby was dealing with Fallout, Magnifico managed to hobble over and slide into the ring behind the champion and as Stubby turns around he crushes the belt down over his skull, knocking him to the mat. As Stubby lays on the mat with blood flowing from his newly re-opened stitches, the ref demands that Magnifico leave the ring, but in the end the official’s powerless to remove him, due to the match’s ‘no-DQ’ stipulation.
As Fallout gets to his feet then makes his way over towards an unconscious Stubby, Magnifico stands near the bottom of the ring and looks down at the belt he holds in his hands. Magnifico had simply grabbed the first thing he could get his hands on and a smile spreads over his face as he realizes he’s holding the belt he’s been chasing for months. As the crowd boos, Fallout hauls Stubby to his feet and Magnifico moves into the center of the ring then raises the light-heavyweight title above his head…
“Bloody hell, not only has Magnifico disrupted this match, but he’s acting like he owns a belt he hasn’t even earned!” bellows Curry.
“Well if it bothers you that much, maybe ya’ should’ve done something when he was grabbing the title off our announce table!” counters NTD.
Magnifico continues to hold the belt above his head, a wide smile spread across face as the angry audience boos him. After a couple seconds Magnifico lowers the belt, but as he does a recovered Andrea runs up from behind and springs off the mat, landing on the unsuspecting Magnifico’s back. The already weakened Magnifico staggers forward a step, Andrea drives an elbow into the back of his head and he drops the belt (which lands near Stubby’s feet) then tumbles to the mat with Andrea landing on top of him.
Andrea hits the head-scissors bulldog, quickly gets off the canvas then as Magnifico tries to struggle to his feet she nails him with a quick kick to the face, pulls him up, wraps her leg around her opponent’s, hooks his arms then drops back drilling him into the mat with her finisher, ‘Done and Dusted’ (double-arm DDT)!
As Fallout attempts to set McWeed up for his finisher, Andrea pulls the unconscious Magnifico towards the bottom of the ring then shoves him out under the ropes. As Andrea takes a second to yell at the #1 contender to her belt, Fallout blast Stubby with a knee to the face and grabs him by the head, finally setting him up for his finisher the ‘Meltdown’ (brainbuster DDT)!
Fallout’s just about to drop the DDT when McWeed’s wife slides into the ring behind him, nailing the Prime Evil leader with a low blow right in front of the ref’s face! The referee yells at Misty as she rolls out of the ring and Fallout releases Stubby then staggers forward. As Fallout reels forward Stubby glances beside him, notices Andrea’s title belt laying at his feet and immediately scoops it up then smashes it over the back of Fallout’s skull!
The audience explodes as Fallout drops to the mat and Stubby looks at the belt in his hands. Stubby doesn’t recognize the belt, nonchalantly tosses it over ropes on the left side of the ring then asks Misty to toss him his title. She does and Stubby walks back towards his adversary as he’s starting to wobble to his feet.
The champ moves around to the front of his opponent, pulls the title back then as Fallout looks up, he crushes it down over his forehead with destructive force! Fallout hits the mat, blood flowing from a newly torn gash on his forehead and Stubby drops the belt, hauls his rival to his feet, sets him up then hits him with…
“I can’t watch this,” moans NTD “tell me when it’s over…”
…a skull shattering Paranoid Freak-out! Stubby quickly rolls Fallout into a tight package and the ref starts the count…
1…2…3! The audience is absolutely deafening as Stubby eliminates Fallout!
“That’s it folks, Fallout’s finished!” proclaims Curry “Alota’ people had the Prime Evil leader singled out as the man to finally separate Stubby from his title, but a well placed low blow and title shot to the head have taken Fallout outta’ this match-up!”
As Stubby rolls his opponent under the ropes on the top side of the ring Andrea forgets about Magnifico, turns back towards the ring and is immediately greeted by a stiff clothesline courtesy of a recovered Bobby Riley! Riley (who’s still a bit woozy) runs Andrea down with a hard clothesline, knocking the light-heavyweight champ for a full 360 degree bump! Andrea hits the mat and Riley drives a few boots into her midsection before pulling her off the mat.
Riley hauls Andrea to her feet, kicks her in the stomach then sets her up for a powerbomb before turning towards the bottom/left ringpost. Riley has Andrea in position for his finisher the ‘Outsider Bomb’ (turnbuckle powerbomb), hauls her up onto his shoulders then is about to run forward when Stubby comes from behind and smacks him upside the head with the IGNWF heavyweight title!
Stubby nails Riley with a powerful shot, tosses the belt to Misty then rolls out of the ring as Riley drops Andrea and staggers forward. Riley releases Andrea and she falls back, tightens her legs around his neck then pulls him down to the mat with a lightning fast hurricanrana! Riley hits the canvas back first and Andrea drops into a sitting position on his chest then reaches back, hooking his legs as the ref begins the count…
1…2…3! Riley gets his shoulder up less than a second after the 3 count, but it’s too late as Andrea scores the unexpected pinfall!
“It’s hardly been more than a minute since Fallout was eliminated and now Bobby Riley’s out of the match as well!” shouts Curry “It’s now down to the final two, but here’s my question…why the hell would Stubby help Andrea Montgomery?”
“C’mon, it’s obvious this was McWeed’s plan right from the beginning,” returns NTD “use the no-DQ stipulation to eliminate anyone who might actually be a threat, then just roll over an already beaten up Andrea to retain the title!”
“Are ya’ saying you don’t think Andrea has a chance at winning this match?” asks Curry.
“Oh sure I do, kinda’ like there’s a chance we might all be crushed by a meteor before the show’s over…”
Riley escapes almost immediately after the 3 count, then staggers to his feet as a white hot rage burns in his eyes. As soon as the irate Riley gets up Andrea runs forward and nails him with a kick to the stomach, but other than having to hunch over slightly Riley manages to hold his ground then lunges forwards, ramming his knee deep into Andrea’s stomach!
Andrea has the wind knocked out of her and as she stumbles back towards the left side of the ring Riley moves forwards then grabs her around the waist, setting her up for a belly-to-belly suplex! Riley’s about to haul Andrea off the mat, but before he’s able to lift her she reaches up, grabs him by the back of the head then drives her skull forward, nailing Riley with a stinging headbutt!
Even though Andrea stunned herself slightly when she hit the headbutt, she still manages to break away from Riley, turn around, grab him by the head then pull him down to the canvas with a snapmare. Riley lands ass first on the mat and Andrea takes a couple steps back, runs forward then nails her opponent with a dropkick to the upper back, knocking him through the ropes to the floor. Riley’s forced out under the bottom rope then smacks his head on the concrete floor as a lightheaded Andrea slumps down against the top/left turnbuckle.
As Andrea tries to recuperate in the corner and McWeed stands outside the ring talking to his wife Funyon slides into the squared circle, gets to his feet then starts to speak…
“Ladies and Gentlemen,” begins Funyon “your winners in the first round of this ‘double jeopardy’ IGNWF word title match are Andrea Montgomery and Stubby P. McWeeeed! The second round will commence once those who were eliminated have been removed from ringside…”
A team of about 6 or 7 large security guards march out from beside the ramp to remove anyone not involved in the final round. As security approaches, Riley gets to his feet and is about to slide back into the ring so he can take one last shot at Andrea, but the guards manage to grab him just in time. Riley scuffles with security for a few moments, but eventually he relents then lets them escort him back up the ramp as he hurls a steady stream of foul language at McWeed and Andrea.
As Riley’s ushered towards the stage a couple more security guards revive the battered Magnifico while another two drag a bloody, unconscious Fallout towards the ramp. Once all 3 men have been removed from ringside, Funyon rolls out under the ropes and Andrea pulls herself out of the corner before moving into the center of the ring to await her rival.
Andrea stands crouched over slightly with her hands on her knees as she self-assuredly commands Stubby to get in the ring, but the champion simply chuckles at her then signals to his wife, who promptly rolls into the ring. Andrea’s not exactly sure what’s going on as Misty begins taunting her while Stubby makes his way towards the announcer’s table. As Andrea hollers at him the champion walks towards the top side of the ring, gets one of the workers to toss him a mic then begins to speak…
“Now wait just a second girl, what the hell’re you getting so bent outta’ shape about?” asks Stubby “I have my suspicions, but since I’m not like most of the other cats around here I’m not gonna’ make any crude comments about it being ‘your time of the month’ or anything, cause that would be rude. In fact as an upstanding citizen and all round polite guy, I think hitting women is wrong and since Misty’s been itchin’ for a fight lately, I’ve decided to let her do my hittin’ for me! Hell, my wife’s been around here for a helluva lot longer than you have darlin’ so if you manage to beat her, then maybe, just maybe I’ll let you get yer busy little hands on a real champion…”
A furious Andrea can’t believe what she’s hearing and screams her head off at McWeed as he returns his mic to the announcer’s table then grabs a chair. McWeed sets the chair up on the left side of the squared circle, sits down and laughs at Andrea as she dares him to get in the ring…
“Good lord, Stubby’s gotta’ be the biggest chicken-sh*tted bastard I’ve ever seen in my life!” shrieks NTD “Not only does he maneuver Andrea into the final round of the match, but he refuses to fight her until she’s been worn down by his own wife! I can’t believe the fans like this guy so much...”
“So you’re saying this whole patronizing, sexist thing is just an act?”
“Sure, why the hell not?” replies NTD “If he’s really such a pig, why does he constantly let his wife tell him what to do? I mean I’m a sexist jackass myself, so you can trust me when I say this is just another one of McWeed’s elaborate plots…”
Andrea continues to yell at Stubby until she hears a pair of footsteps approaching from behind, whirls around and finds herself nearly face to face with McWeed’s wife. All the startled Andrea has time for is a quick clothesline, but Misty manages to duck under the attack, grab onto Andrea’s head as she passes then drop her down to the mat with a harsh hangman’s neckbreaker!
With her back facing towards the top/right corner Andrea pulls herself off the mat, but as she does Misty drives a kick into her ribs then snares her in a full-nelson, setting Andrea up for her finisher the ‘Sexual Revolution sweep’ (full-nelson forward russian legsweep). Misty attempts to pull off the move, but Andrea’s quite a bit larger than Misty (at least 40 pounds heavier) and manages to force her back then crush her against the turnbuckle!
Andrea powers Misty back into the corner, slams her up against the ringpost and forces her to release the full-nelson. Once Misty lets go of her, Andrea drives an elbow back into her female opponent’s midsection, grabs her in a side-headlock as she doubles over then runs forward and scrapes her face across the canvas with a running bulldog!
Andrea drills her opponent into the mat but instead of releasing Misty, she stands up again (with her rival’s head under her arm) then drops back down to the mat, nailing Misty with a second bulldog! Misty’s slight frame goes limp after the second bulldog, but Andrea decides to really drive the point home, pulls Stubby’s wife to her feet again, runs forward then destroys her with a third and final running bulldog!
“Ouch, I guess Misty can’t claim to be the top female wrestler in the IGNWF anymore!” mentions Curry.
“She never was the top female wrestler in the IGNWF…” shoots back NTD.
“Hey, I thought you were tryin’ to imitate Lawler…aren’t you forgetting something?” reminds Curry.
“Oh right, of course…catfight! It was a catfight Curry! A catfight!”
A thin stream of blood runs from Misty’s nose down her cheek as Andrea shoves her out under the ropes on the right side of the ring, dropping McWeed’s unconscious wife to the floor about a foot from where he sits. The smile on McWeed’s face has been replaced by a scowl and as Andrea yells at him, he slowly makes his way up the ringsteps (which sit against the top/right turnbuckle) then enters the squared circle admist the cheers of his fans.
An intense looking Stubby slowly walks into the center of the ring (the bell’s rung) and as he does Andrea bounces in a circle around him, looking for an opening. Every couple of seconds Andrea darts forward, but Stubby always seems to be ready for her and she backs off again then continues circling the champ as he stands in the center of the ring. This continues for several seconds and when Andrea’s unable to find a decent opening she decides to take a risk.
Andrea charges towards her opponent and as soon as she’s within his range McWeed attempts to kick her in the gut, but as he thrusts his foot towards her Andrea twists her body around then backflips right over the champ’s leg! Andrea backflips towards Stubby then grabs him by the head and her backward momentum nearly caries her into a vertical position before she drops forward again.
Andrea attempts to complete the backflip diamond-cutter, but as she drops down the champ lunges forward and grabs her around the waist! Stubby snatches his opponent out of mid-air, pulls her back against his body then dives forward, grinding Andrea into the mat with a modified face first powerslam! Andrea hits the mat then Stubby pulls himself up, takes a few steps back and crouches down a bit as he waits for Montgomery to get back to her feet.
Andrea slowly pulls herself off the canvas and once she’s up Stubby rushes towards her, looking like he’s about to nail a clothesline but instead he stops about a foot away from his rival, grabs her by the shoulder then simply shoves her off her feet!
“Oh wow, how impressive…Stubby can push a woman over, he’s so strong!”
“Hey, at least he didn’t bash her teeth out like Fallout would’ve if he had managed to advance to the second round…” argues Curry.
Andrea scrambles to her feet but before she can get all the way up, Stubby grabs her by the pants, drags her back a few steps then hefts her up like a bag of leaves and tosses her into the top/right corner! Andrea slams into the corner back first, staggers forward and as she tumbles to the mat the referee wobbles out from behind her then weaves his way into the center of the ring where he collapses in a heap.
When Stubby was heaving Andrea into the corner he didn’t check to see if anyone was already standing there and he accidentally tossed his adversary into the official, knocking his head back against the turnbuckle. As the ref drops to the mat and Stubby curses his bad luck, someone steps through the curtain then runs down to the ring…
“Yes! The ref’s down and here comes Divefire to save the day!” roars NTD “At long last the McWeed era’s come to an end!”
“So I guess that means we’ll be starting the ‘Andrea era’ eh? Ya’ know, that actually has a nice ring to it…”
Stubby faces away from the ramp but the increased noise coming from the crowd tells him something’s going on and he whirls around just as Divefire’s sliding into the ring. As Divefire enters the ring Stubby moves swiftly, drives a stiff kick into the recovering Andrea’s liver then hauls her off the mat and locks her in a full-nelson.
Stubby holds Andrea close and Divefire doesn’t dare strike while the champion’s using his ‘friend’ as a shield. Andrea desperately tries to break free of her captor, but to no avail as Stubby and the commissioner stare each other down. The crowd’s excitement steadily builds as the two men in the ring slowly circle each other.
Suddenly Andrea kicks back and tries to nail Stubby with a low blow, but the pothead manages to drive a knee into the her thigh at the same time, blocking the attack as the ref begins to pull himself off the mat. Divefire notices the ref getting to his feet out of the corner of his eye and while he’s distracted Stubby shoves Andrea to the canvas, leaps over her fallen frame then blasts him with a kick to the gut! Divefire doubles over, Stubby grabs him, sets him up then nails him with…
“That’s the IGNWF commissioner for Christ’s sake!” screeches NTD “Stubby wouldn’t dare!”
…a brain scrambling Paranoid Freak-out! Stubby nails his second Freak-out of the night then shoves Divefire under the ropes on the top side of the ring as the fans chant his name. After eliminating the commish Stubby makes his way towards the center of the ring, but as he does a semi-recovered Andrea sneaks up from behind then nails the unsuspecting champion with a quick low blow!
Stubby doubles over in pain and Andrea grabs him by the shoulder, spins him around then hurriedly hooks his arms, placing the loveable pothead into position for her finisher ‘Done and Dusted’. Not wanting to waste any time Andrea doesn’t bother to wrap her leg around Stubby’s calf as she plants him into the canvas with a harsh double-arm DDT! Andrea rolls on top of Stubby, hooks the leg then yells something at the ref, who comes to his senses and starts the count…
1…2…Stubby just barely manages to escape in time! Most of the fans cheer as Stubby kicks out, but for the first time since he won the belt a significant portion of the audience are actually supporting his opponent.
Stubby escapes the pin then tries to pull himself off the mat, but the champ remains quite shaky after absorbing Andrea’s finisher (even though it was a slightly watered down version of the move). Stubby finally makes it up, but as soon as he’s on his feet Andrea strides forward, reaches into her pocket then grabs Stubby by the back of the head and yanks his face into her chest!
“Oh my god!” gasps an excited NTD “Andrea’s letting McWeed have some quality time with the gerbils!”
“Uhhh…weren’t you calling them ‘hamsters’ before?” asks Curry.
“Gerbils, hamsters…what’s the difference?”
Andrea shoves Stubby’s face into her boobs and even though his wife’s recovering only a few feet away he doesn’t seem overly eager to escape, that is until Andrea pulls her hand out of her pocket then douses his eyes with mace! Due to Stubby and Andrea’s position as well as the general shock value of the moment the challenger’s use of pepper spray goes completely un-noticed by the official.
“Hah, take that Stubby!” shouts NTD, who unlike the ref actually noticed Andrea using the pepper spray “Yer not the only one who can play dirty!”
Andrea releases the blinded Stubby’s head, shoves him into the center of the ring then backs towards the bottom/left corner where she discreetly tosses the bottle of mace through the ropes. As Stubby bumbles about blindly in the ring Andrea runs forward, nails him with a borderline low blow and once he hunches over she moves around so they’re back to back then pulls Stubby’s arm over her shoulder.
Andrea drags Stubby’s arm over her shoulder, hooks his neck then turns towards the top/left corner and runs forward. Once she gets to the corner Andrea begins to scale the ringpost then when she reaches the second turnbuckle she bounces off, pull her body back, flips right over Stubby’s head and nails him with a forceful single arm, inverted DDT (fine and dandy)! Andrea drives Stubby’s head into the mat, hauls him back into the center of the ring then hooks his leg and leans back hard, pinning his shoulders to the canvas…
1…2…No! Another very close call for Stubby!
After two very close falls a somewhat frustrated Andrea gets to her feet then slams a series of surprisingly vicious kicks into Stubby’s head, tearing open his stitches even further and causing the blood to start flowing down the pothead’s face again. As a blinded and bloody Stubby lays prone on the mat Andrea tries to decide what she should do next over the deafening racket from the crowd.
Finally she makes up her mind, walks towards the bottom/left corner then begins to climb the turnbuckle with her back to her opponent. The exhausted Andrea takes a bit longer than usual to reach the top before she leaps off with an attempted corkscrew moonsault, but little does she know that when she was busy climbing the buckle a confused Stubby had managed to stagger to his feet!
As Andrea flips backward she realizes her opponent’s on his feet, but of course by this time it’s too late to do anything about it. Stubby has no idea that his rival’s hurtling towards him, that is until Andrea crashes down over his shoulder, knocking him back down to the canvas! Andrea knocks the wind out of herself as she collides with McWeed then both her and the champ crash to the canvas.
“Aw crap! C’mon Andrea, get off yer damn ass!” roars NTD as Andrea and McWeed lay prone on the mat.
“Don’t get so excited, how’s Stubby gonna’ be able to beat her when he can’t see a thing?” poses Curry.
Finally Stubby and Andrea start to get to their feet at nearly the exact same time. Andrea curses to herself and clutches at her stomach as she gets up, not really paying much attention to McWeed who she doesn’t believe can attack her in his state. Stubby’s field of vision is a blurry, teary mess but as he gets to his feet he homes in on the sound of Andrea’s dirty mouth, kicks forward and actually nails his unprepared adversary with a hard kick!
Stubby’s vision has mended a bit as he kicks Andrea in the midsection and he’s able to pick out an extremely fuzzy figure in front of him. Stubby lunges towards the figure and out of pure luck manages to grab Andrea by the head then immediately nail her with…
“3 bloody Freak-outs in a single match?! I think I’m gonna’ throw up!” whines NTD.
…a bone crunching Paranoid Freak-out! Andrea’s head is driven violently into the mat then Stubby searches the canvas blindly until he runs across her fallen body. Stubby drapes his arm over Andrea’s shoulders and the ref drops down then begins the count…
1…2…3! Andrea’s out cold and Stubby covers her to retain his belt! The crowd’s on their feet as Stubby gets to his then tries to make his way out of the ring.
Stubby’s completely disoriented and seems incapable of even finding ropes, but after a while McWeed’s groggy wife slides into the ring to help him out. The audience cheers as Misty guides Stubby out of the ring then splashes water in his eyes, improving his vision considerably.
“Wow, what an unpredictable match that was!” cries Curry “All four competitors put up a hell of a fight, but once again Stubby P. McWeed leaves the ring with the belt around his waist! Who will be the next one to challenge McWeed and what about all the other amazing developments that took place tonight? You’d better not miss next week’s edition of Storm , because I have a feeling all these questions and more will be answered this coming Friday, but for now I’m Curry man…signing off!”
Misty hands her husband his belt then leads him up the ramp as a semi-recovered Divefire rolls into the ring to check on the unconscious Andrea. Once McWeed reaches the stage he pauses then turns to acknowledge the audience, but as he does Perfect Bo bursts through the curtain behind him with a steel chair in his hands!
The audience boos loudly and as Stubby turns around Bo crushes the chair over the pothead’s skull with destructive force! Stubby drops off his feet and Bo screams at Misty who cautiously backs off as the hardcore god pulls a mic out of his pocket…
“Well congratulations McWeed,” hisses Bo “on beating a pack of no-talent f*cks who had no chance of winning anyways! On IGNite you gave the title-shot I deserved to the woman you just pinned in the ring and that was probably the smartest move you’ve ever made in your life. If that’d been me in there, I wouldn’t be layin’ on the mat, oh no. I woulda’ beaten your skull into a f*ckin’ pulp, bashed your wife’s face in then walked outta’ the arena with that title around my waist, all without breakin’ a sweat! Bottomline Stubby, you can’t hurt me, you can’t beat me and after tonight…it’s gonna’ get personal…”
Bo drops his mic on Stubby’s chest then towers over his fallen body as the show fades to black…
