Patty O'Green

(Return from break) COLE All right everyone, it is now time for our 24/7 Title match! COACH Yeah, but...who's Hoff's opponent gonna be? CUE: "Black" by Sevendust *ding ding ding* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following attraction is this evening's twenty-four-sevennnnnnn TITLE MATCH! Introducing first, from Minneapolis, Minnesota, weighing in at 275 pounds, he is the Enforcer and the Assasin of the Thrillogy, and the self-proclaimed future of this industry. The 24/7 Champion of the Woooorld.... HOFF!!!! Hoff steps out onto the stage, looking slightly perturbed as he surveys the jam-packed arena. A healthy chant of "you suck" picks up long before he makes it to the ring. Once in, Hoff climbs the turnbuckle and raises one fist into the air, roaring out to the crowd who meet him with a shower of boos and catcalls. Hoff hops off the turnbuckle and hands his 24/7 Title to the referee, then looks up the ramp, when suddenly Zack Malibu appears on the AngleTron! ZACK Hoff. The fans boo Zack, then quiet down to hear what he has to say. ZACK Hoff, I told you that I hand-selected your opponent tonight, and rest assured, I found someone very qualified for the job. Now, this man has been a thorn in our side once before. He's not my favorite person -- in fact, he even pulled one over on me once before. Hoff looks at Zack with a perplexed expression. ZACK Now before I bring this guy out, let me tell you why I've made this match tonight. I made it as a punishment, Hoff. I made it to show the world that, just like you told AJ last week, you don't mess with the Thrillogy. Hoff nods. ZACK So, without further ado, here is your opponent for this evening....PHOENIX! COLE What?!? "Take to Flight" plays over the loudspeakers as Zack's image fades, and the masked Phoenix steps out onto the stage! CABOOSE YES!! What a brilliant play by Zack Malibu! COLE What, what do you mean? CABOOSE Hoff...Hoff is gonna kill him! COACH Aw, come on, Caboose, don't be so sure! Phoenix slaps hands with a few fans on his way down to the ring, but inside, Hoff is holding his sides in laughter. Phoenix gets to the ring, and looks in at Hoff, who catches his eyes and doubles over laughing. Phoenix puts his hands on his hips as Hoff contines to show Pheonix no love. COLEHoff is showing Phoenix no respect, come on! CABOOSE (also laughing) Why should he? COLE Well Phoenix is a very talented high flyer! CABOOSE Oh, come ON, Cole! Phoenix is nothing next to Hoff, and Hoff knows it! COACH Don't forget, Phoenix was the one who helped Northstar surprise Zack Malibu a few weeks back, and he really held his own in there against the World Champ! CABOOSE Aw, whatever, ya bloody wankers. Phoenix continues to look on, aggrivated, at Hoff, who's still laughing up a storm. Hoff turns his back to Phoenix...and suddenly, Phoenix jumps onto the ring apron! Hoff turns back, and Phoenix springboards in with a dropkick to a massive pop! COLE And Hoff gets caught! CABOOSE Bollocks. Phoenix ruined the party. The fans cheer as Phoenix springs to his feet, catching a rising Hoff in an armbar! Phoneix twists the move into a hammerlock, then jumps onto Hoff's shoulders from behind! Phoneix swivels and snaps Hoff over with a hurricanrana! Hoff goes sailing across the ring and skids to a halt near the corner! COLE What a move! Phoenix charges Hoff as Hoff pulls himself up in the corner, jumps, and catches the big man with a monkey flip that sends him back over and down! Hoff gets to his knees and glowers out into the crowd, who are going BANANA! COLE Listen to these people! COACH Hoff has really been caught off-guard here in the early going! A "Phoe-nix" chant builds in the crowd as Hoff gets to his feet, and the two men begin to circle. Hoff dives in and tries to grab Phoenix by the head and neck, but Phoenix darts under his grasp and shoots behind him! Phoenix quickly trips Hoff, and the big man lands flat on his face! As Hoff climbs up to his knees, Phoenix runs off the far ropes and comes back, catching Hoff in a facebuster! COLE Nice bulldog by Phoenix there! CABOOSE Yeah, that's a bulldog like a hurricanrana is a headscissors. COLE Well...well essentially they're the same-- CABOOSE Shut up. And learn how to do your damn job, for Chrissakes. COACH Christ cakes? Where? Cole and Caboose eye Coach warily as he begins to act like the Trix rabbit. Meanwhile, in-ring, Hoff climbs back to his feet, holding his nose. He turns around with his head in his hands, and Phoenix quickly catches him with a spinning heel kick that sends him tubling back to the ropes! Hoff leans against the strands, and Phoenix shoots in with an Irish whip, but Hoff reverses! Hoff sends the masked man off the ropes and telegraphs a back body drop, but Phoenix flips over Hoff's back and keeps running! Hoff turns around, and Phoenix catches him coming off the other side with a cross body! Phoenix lands on top of Hoff and hooks the leg! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Hoff easily brings the shoulder up at two. Phoenix hops up again before Hoff can find his feet, and runs off the side ropes. Hoff gets up and turns to meet him, but Phoenix baseball slides under Hoff's legs! Hoff turns around, and Phoenix kicks his legs up, catching Hoff under the arms! Phoenix kicks forward and Hoff goes flying! Hoff lands on his knees, with his head and shoulders leaning on the second rope. Phoenix takes a look, then comes running off the far side and to the ropes, catching the top cable and swinging his legs around through the ropes to kick Hoff in the face! Hoff bounces off the ropes as Phoenix lands on the outside to a huge cry of "619!!" from the audience! COACHGimmick infringement, what? COLE I didn't see nothing. CABOOSE COME ON, WWE! SUE US, YOU SONS OF BITCHES! I GOT A LEGAL TEAM FOR YA RIGHT HERE! Caboose grabs his crotch as Hoff, slowly, finds his feet. Hoff turns to Phoenix, who springs off the ropes and dives at Hoff -- but Hoff moves out of the way and Phoenix hits the ground, BUTT-first! COACH Ouch, there's a hard landing. COLE Looks like Phoenix was looking for a hurricanrana or a senton bomb, maybe, but Hoff saw it coming! Phoenix clutches his backside as Hoff begins stomping at his chest! The fans boo, and Hoff promptly tells them where to stick it. CABOOSE Yeah, in all y'all's ass! COACH BOO YAH~! Phoenix climbs to his knees, but Hoff simply grabs him by the head and tosses him out of the ring. The referee comes over to reprimand Hoff for his behavior, but Hoff simply pushes him aside and heads out of the ring after Phoenix. Phoneix crawls to the guardrail, Hoff meets him, scooping him up and dropping him throat-first on the railing! CABOOSE Oh yeah, here we go, now the assault begins. Phoenix's head snaps back as he falls, grabbing his throat. Hoff smiles out to the crowd, who boo and flip him off in response. Hoff swaggers over to Phoenix and picks him up, holding him by the mask and measuring before leveling him with a big right hand. COLE Oof, what impact! Hoff picks Phoenix up again and blasts him iwth a hook to the body that doubles him over. Hoff grabs him from the side in this position, with one hand on the mask and one on the tights, and rams Phoenix, head-first, into the steel steps! COACH Man, Hoff is so vicious out there. COLE Well, the Thrillogy, personal feelings aside, certainly aren't known as nice guys. CABOOSE But they get the job done! Hoff stalks over to where Phoenix is lying prone on the floor. Hoff picks him up again by the mask and walks to the next corner, driving his head into the steel post -- but no! Phoenix blocks it! Phoenix stops the move by getting his boot up, then quickly elbows Hoff and grabs him by the back of the neck, but before Phoenix can act, Hoff just turns and levels Phoenix with a clothesline! COACH That's a momentum killer, right there. Phoenix crumples as Hoff looks down, shouting obscenities at the luchadore, before again scooping him up. Hoff takes a step back...and runs Phoenix back-first into the ringpost! Phoenix's back recoils from the blow as Hoff lets him fall to the mat. Hoff turns out to the crowd, and holds his arms outstretched with a big, toothy grin. CABOOSE Yeah! Give it up, fellas, give it up! Hoff nods his head as the fans keep booing him. The big man turns back to Phoenix, who is climbing up the ring apron, and Hoff tosses him back in roughly. Phoenix lies in the center of the ring, attempting to collect his thoughts, as Hoff heads to the timekeeper's table. COLE Oh no, what's he looking for? CABOOSE Oh, you know what he wants, Cole, and...he's got it!! Hoff grabs the timekeeper's chair from under him and hoists it high into the air! The fans are livid! COLE Come on, there's no place for this! COACH We saw what Hoff did with that chair last week... Hoff slides into the ring and pops to his feet. Phoenix is on his hands and knees, shaking the cobwebs off. Hoff slides behind him, and taps the chair on the ground, then brings it to the ready! Phoenix gets to one knee, then up to his feet...turns around... *KRACK~* And gets FLOORED by the chair! Hoff looks down at Phoenix, laughing, as the luchadore lies still on the mat. The referee comes over to Hoff and grabs his arm, trying to pry the chair away. Hoff looks over casually, and uses his arm to push the referee down! Hoff grabs the chair in both hands again and crawls over to Phoenix -- but the referee calls for the bell! COLE What? CABOOSE Well what the hell is this about? Buffer heads to confer with the official, as Hoff looks on unhappily. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen...the official has disqualified Hoff! Therefore, your winner...PHOENIX!!! CABOOSE WHAT?! NO! COACH Oh yeah! The bell rings and the fans go NUT as Hoff shouts at the referee, but the official just shakes his head! Hoff throws his arms in the air, and turns around -- right into a dropkick from Phoenix! Hoff stutters back, and Phoenix gets to his feet and moves in -- and Hoff CLOCKS him with the chair!! COLE OH! Phoenix lands on his neck, then flips over and lies on his stomach. Hoff looks down at him, then tosses the chair out of the ring and walks over to Phoenix, turning him over! Hoff lies down and leans his forearms on Phoenix's body, yelling for the referee to count...but the ref says no! Hoff quickly gets off of Phoenix and grabs the referee, throwing him down to the mat next to Phoenix's fallen form! HOFF COUNT, you son of a bitch! Hoff steps on Phoenix, and the referee counts the one, two, three! The bell rings again, and Hoff DEMANDS the official raise his hand! COLE Now come on, is it that important! CABOOSE Yes! Yes it is, Cole. The fans boo Hoff as the ref hands him the 24/7 title, then gets out of the way as Hoff holds the belt above his head, when suddenly, the LIGHTS GO OUT! THE ANGLETRON GOES BLANK! COLE Wait a minute! CABOOSE What the hell is this? BOOM! Two flaming staffs appear at the top of the entrance ramp! COACH Oh my! Could it be? Hoff stares intently at the ramp, wide-eyed, waiting for something to happen… A heartbeat sound is heard as a small red X appears in the middle of the AngleTron. As the heartbeat gets faster, the X grows bigger, and it is clear to see that blood is dripping off of it. Then a voice not unlike Father James Mitchell’s fills the arena… As he returns from his tomb To elicit your impending doom. The Dark Lord has been watching you, watching your sins; Waiting as the era of Darkness begins. You may feel tortured, you may go insane But the last thing that you will do is… FEEL THE PAIN. The last words echo out and appear on the AngleTron as if written in blood. The heartbeat, almost sounding like a drum now, stops… BOOM! The staffs blow up, and the lights come back on, leaving a perplexed Hoff in the middle of the ring! COLE What the hell was that? COACH I don’t know, but whatever the hell it was, it seemed to be familiar… LOOK AT HOFF! Hoff is BESIDE himself in the ring! He grabs at his hair, looking up at the now blank video wall, screaming "WHAT THE HELL?" The fans go INSANE as Hoff simply bends down, picks up his belt, and damn near runs out of the arena. COACH My God, that was eerie! Positively eerie! CABOOSE What was that? COLE I don't know...all I do know is, a win is a win, and Pheonix beat Hoff here tonight! CABOOSE Yeah, well, he don't look like a winner to me! Now Hoff, there's a guy who got his job done tonight. COACH He certainly did, and love it or hate it, Phoenix learned not to mess with the Thrillogy here tonight! COLE Speaking of the Thrillogy, we've still got that huge match between Drek Stone and Calvin Szechstien, and a whole lot more, so stay tuned! (Go to break) (Return from break) We cut to a replay from last weeks HeldDown, showing JINGUS and the Sadist viciously attacking the Global Party Xchange in the ring and powerbombing them onto the stage. COLE Wow, that sure was brutal. CABOOSE Nothing those idiots didn't having coming to them. COACH Apparenty we're now going to hear from JINGUS and Sadist! Wow! Cut to JINGUS and Sadist, filling the camera. JINGUS growls from behind his mask, while Sadist fixes the camera with his cold grey eyes. They don't speak. After a few moments, text starts to flash up at the bottom of the screen. YOU'RE NOT EVEN WORTH OUR VOICES... YOU FANS THAT CHEER THE PARTY BOYS... YOU WANT THEM OVER JINGUS AND THE SADIST? YOU WANT YOUR PRETTY BOYS? PART ONE OF THEIR DESTRUCTION WAS WITNESSED SEVEN DAYS AGO THE SECOND AND FINAL PART WILL BE THEIR DOOM WE ARE HELL'S HITMEN. A CONTRACT IS ON YOUR HEADS, GPX IN THREE WEEKS WE COME TO COLLECT THE BLOOD JINGUS and Sadist look at each and nod slowly. ALSO, SADIST HAS A REALLY SMALL DICK IT DOESN'T EVEN HURT WHEN HE BANGS ME IN THE ASS LOL2004~!~!!!~! HEY, I WANT A TURN SCOTTY! OK! ER, ER, HELLS HITMEN? HELLS SHITMEN! HAHA! COLE What the hell is going on? JINGUS and Sadist see the rather different words on a monitor. Sadist puts his hand through the screen and shivers with pleasure. The camera cuts to the OAOAST control room, where the GPX have, well, control. Scotty and Johnny are typing happily away on a keyboard, chuckling and ignoring the protests of OAOAST technicians. CABOOSE Hey, that's expensive equipment! Get those monkeys away from there! The door to the room slams open, and Hell's Hitmen rush in. GPX see them coming, and NAIL them with cameras out of nowhere! JINGUS and Sadist go down, and the GPX dances away... COACH GPX gaining revenge for last weeks assault! COLE JINGUST and Sadist are going to be even more furious now...maybe that wasn't the smartest move... CABOOSE Damn right! When even Michael Cole can see it, you know its obvious! Those little punks have gotten in too deep this time. I'll look forward to visiting them in hospital. And stealing their fruit. COLE Let's go to something else before Caboose hits me for no reason! (Go to break)

(Return from break) We open at ringside, where "It's Goin' Down" plays over the PA system as Chris Bryte strolls around the ring. COLE Fans, we're back on HeldDOWN~! Michael Cole, Da Coach, and CABOOOOOOOOOOOSE~! And fans, it looks as if we're about to be joined by Chris Bryte. CABOOSE Yeah, and the two of you had better watch yourselves. I'll tell him all the rotten stuff you've been saying about him over the months. Bryte approaches SC, and Triple C stands up. Bryte shakes hands with Caboose, then Cole, then approaches Coach, who extends his hand. COACH Hey Chris---HEY! BRYTE (snatches Coach's headset and shoves him to the ground) MOVE, BITCH! GET OUT THE WAY! Kids, grab your shades! This show just got a little bit BRYTER! You are being joined by the Brytest rising star in ALL of the OAOAST, Chris Bryte! And Michael Cole, Caboose, I just know that you're happy to have me here! CABOOSE Damn right! COLE But why are you here, Chris? I mean...to what do we owe the...uh...pleasure? CABOOSE Yeah. Did you happen to hear what that coward Panther had to say earlier? BRYTE Oh...unfortunately, yeah! I heard it, and I must say that my respect for that man dies more and more by the day! Panther says he needs more time! He hasn't made up his mind! Well Panther, you pay close attention to this, boy, because the Bryte Man is getting ready to make your decision a whole lot easier! The arena lights drop, and we're greeted by the opening chimes of Eminem's "The Way I Am". Blue spotlights fill the arena, roaming the crowd as a figure emerges from the locker room. He's got shoulder length, bleached blonde hair, has a thick brown beard, and is wearing a black singlet with red trim. The words "BEWARE OF DOGG" are stitched onto the front of the singlet. Some fans in the crowd seem to recognize the man, and they give him a slight pop as he heads down to the ring. BUFFER Wrestling fans, this contest is scheduled for one fall. Currently on his way to the ring...from Seattle, Washington, weighing in tonight at One Hundred and Eleven pounds...he is "J-Dogg" Johnny Gunn! There's a milder pop from the fans, bringing a smile to J-Dogg's face as he hops upon the apron and steps into the ring. We cut over to SC, where Bryte has an evil on his face. COLE "J-Dogg" Johnny Gunn. Mr. Bryte, you're smiling!. Why is that? BRYTE Why am I smiling?! Why not, Cole?! I'm a happy man! I'm the Brytest rising star in the game, daddy! I got a lot to smile about! CABOOSE Excuse his ignorance, Chris! He doesn't know any better. BRYTE I know, 'Boose! I know! COLE Well, you said that you were getting ready to make Panther's choice easier! How is Johnny Gunn gonna make Panther's choice easier? Who is Johnny Gunn? BRYTE Well since you asked me SO nicely...Michael Cole, sit back and open your ears, because I'm getting ready to...en-BRYTEn you! Get it...en-BRYTEn?! CABOOSE This man is a genius! BRYTE Damn straight! But back to Gunn. Not be confused to Tom Brandi, Mr. Gunn broke into the wrestling business in early 1997 alongside none other than...(GASP) what an amazing coincidence...PANTHER! CABOOSE YOU JEST! BRYTE No, no! I kid you not 'Boose! They broke into the biz together, and the connection doesn't end there, fans! Oh no! Because, you see...Panther and Gunn were friends! They were tag team partners, but the two men had a rather NASTY split a few years back. A few years ago, Panther took a steel chair, placed it around J-Dogg's head and snapped his neck, temporarily paralyzing him and damn near ending his wrestling career. The two went on to have a heated feud, which included a rather memorable ladder match a few years back that put Panther on the map. J-Dogg is quite possibly Panther's greatest rival, many say he's been his toughest opponent, and there aren't too many people walking the face of this earth who can say that they know Panther like J-Dogg knows Panther...which is why this is gonna be so sweet! Bryte snickers as Jay-Z's "Where I'm From" hits the PA system. The arena lights drop, a flashing red light fills the arena, and smoke pours out from the locker room. BUFFER And his opponent...hailing from Brooklyn, New York...weighing in tonight at Three Hundred and Seventy-Eight POUNDS...he possesses the strongest, most deadly hands in the world, and is Chris Bryte's right hand man...THE HAAAAAND~! COLE THE HAND?! BRYTE It ain't Ahmed Johnson! That's for sure! The Hand appears through the smoke to resounding boos from the crowd. In the ring, J-Dogg looks on with shock. Apparently, he wasn't expecting The Hand to be his opponent. The Hand continues down to ringside, where the lights slowly begin to return to normal. In the ring, J-Dogg peers over his shoulder and down to SC, where Bryte is cheesing away. He then turns back to The Hand, who has a psychotic look in his eyes as he pulls himself onto the apron! Realizing he's been set up for slaughter, J-Dogg looks to the heavens, crosses his heart and darts at The Hand, catching him with a baseball slide to the ankle that causes him fall from the apron and land facefirst on the lip of the ring. The crowd pops in the background as The Hand clutches his mouth in pain. CABOOSE C'mon now! He jumped him before the bell! BRYTE Don't worry 'Boose! The Hand's got this thing covered. A look of angry crosses The Hand's face as he peers up at Bryte. He reaches for the ropes again, looking to pull himself back onto the apron, but he catches a boot to the mouth for his troubles. He tries once more, but J-Dogg nails him with a HARD kick to the temple, catching him with such force, that the big man to spin out and turn in the opposite direction. Looking to gain the advantage, J-Dogg runs to the far side and hits off the ropes, and, with The Hand's back up against the apron, J-Dogg swings through the ropes 619-style, catches The Hand by the head and brings him to the floor with a headscissors takeover. The crowd comes to its feet cheering for J-Dogg! COLE THE HAND IS DOWN!!!! J-DOGG JUST TOOK THE HAND DOWN!!! THIS CROWD IS GOING WILD! As The Hand tries to regain his bearings, J-Dogg climbs upon the ring apron and clutches the top rope. Then, once The Hand has reached his feet, J-Dogg leaps onto the second rope and springs backwards, catching The Hand with a beautifully executed Asai Moonsault that puts him back on the floor again. J-Dogg springs back to his feet and slides into the ring, with the fans beginning to surge behind him. On the floor, The Hand, frustrated, grits his teeth and pulls himself back to his feet, looking to tear J-Dogg apart. Before he can get the chance, however, J-Dogg hits the ropes, charges in his direction and leaps over the top rope, catching him with a somersault senton that puts him right back on the arena floor. With a smile on his face, J-Dogg springs back to his feet, slides back into the ring as chants of "J-DOGG, J-DOGG" start up in the crowd. At SC, Chris Bryte is LIVID! COLE These fans are on their feet for J-Dogg! BRYTE God dammit, Hand! GET ON HIM! GET ON HIM! COLE *Ahem* Chris... BRYTE WHAT?! COLE That's...THE HAND~! THE HAND~! BRYTE The...(sucks teeth) YOU LITTLE... AHHH! J-Dogg continues to play to the crowd as The Hand climbs back to his feet, with HATE, ANGER, DEATH, DESTRUCTION, *AND* MAYHEM in his eyes (man, he must have some big eyes to fit all that in there). He climbs back onto the apron and steps over the top rope to enter the ring. J-Dogg charges at him, hoping to hold the advantage, but he runs right into the extended palm of The Hand! Staggered, J stumbles back out to the center of the ring, where he's mowed right down by a BIG Yakuza kick. The Hand leaps up and stomps down upon the canvas, letting loose a loud "GRRRRRRRRRRRR~!" as he glares psychotically at the crowd. J-Dogg tries to pull himself back to his feet, but The Hand catches him with a clubbing forearm to the small of the back, sending him chest-first onto the canvas. A boot to the midsection causes him to roll over onto his back, at which point The Hand reaches down, grabs him by the throat and lifts him up into the air with both hands. Gunn gags and wheezes as The Hand carries him around the ring, with the ref admonishing him every step of the way. Finally, The Hand carries him back out to the center of the ring, where he launches him over his head, sending him crashing into the turnbuckles backfirst. The crowd boos wildly as The Hand towers above his smaller opponent. CABOOSE What about that, Cole! You were getting all excited just because this little idiot got a few moves in, but look at him now! The Hand stands tall, and "J-Dogg" there looks like he's about to get neutered. Get it? Dogg? Neutered? HA! BRYTE I swear, 'Boose, we should put out a book with this stuff! Our creative genius is just too good to be wasted on these simple-minded fans. CABOOSE Damn straight. Don't you agree, Cole? COLE ... CABOOSE WELL?! COLE I'd like to finish calling this match if you don't mind! BRYTE GET ON HIM...THE HAND~! J-Dogg pulls himself back up, a little wobbly from the punishment he's taken thus far. All at once, The Hand comes at him and catches him with a straight right hand to the chest, sending him back into the buckle. He follows up with a hard right hand to J-Dogg's gut, causing him to double over in pain. Then, with a handful of hair, The Hand drags J-Dogg back out to the center of the ring, winds up and DRILLS him with a STIFFSTIFFSTIFF~! right hand right to the forehead! BRYTE They don't get up from that! Cover him, daddy! The Hand does just that, planting his foot into J-Dogg's chest for the 1...2...3. *DING DING DING* **Cue "Where I'm From" BUFFER The winner of this bout...THE HAND~! BRYTE Music to my ears! Music to my ears! The Hand picks up the big win, dismantling "J-Dogg" Johnny Gunn in no-time flat! He took a man who Panther had struggled with for years and beat him in a matter of seconds. And tell me: if The Hand can defeat Panther's toughest opponent with such ease, how do you think he'd fare against Panther? CABOOSE It means that Panther wouldn't stand a chance against The Hand! COLE Wait a minute, now! J-Dogg is not Panther, ok? Just because The Hand beat J-Dogg, it doesn't mean that a win over Panther is absolutely certain. BRYTE (Scoffs) 'Boose! Do ya believe this guy?! CABOOSE Once again, I apologize for the moron beside me. I wouldn't expect him to be able to grasp such a high concept. BRYTE Yeah, but ya know, I wanted this to be simple. I wanted this to be a clear example of The Hand's superiority over Panther. Now...if this display by The Hand hasn't convinced Cole...well...maybe it hasn't convinced Panther. And if it hasn't convinced Cole and it hasn't convinced Panther...well...maybe the two of you need a little more convincing...doncha think? (drops headset and leaves) COLE Hey...what's that supposed to mean?! Where's he going? Bryte walks over to the ring apron and slides into the ring, where The Hand stands above J-Dogg, who's now bleeding from the forehead. Bryte and The Hand make eye contact, and after a brief staredown between the two, Bryte points down at J-Dogg and yells... "FINISH HIM!!!!!!" COLE Oh no! No! C'mon! With a smile on his face, The Hand reaches down, grabs J-Dogg by the head and locks on a clawhold. The referee tries to help out, but Bryte blocks his path, drawing boos from the capacity crowd. The Hand uses the claw to lift J-Dogg back to his feet, and he actually lifts him off the canvas and begins swinging him back and forth like a ragdoll--all the while, blood is flowing from Gunn's head. COLE C'mon! Stop this!!! This is unnecessary! CABOOSE This is very necessary! This is an example of what awaits Panther if he makes the mistake of accepting that challenge. It's an example of the power of THE HAND~! The bell sounds multiple times in the background, and more officials pour out of the locker room. Bryte gets up in their faces, hurling obscenities their direction, as The Hand continues to squeeze the head of the lifeless Gunn. Eventually, the officials manage to pry The Hand off of J-Dogg, and his body drops limp to the canvas, and the crowd boos once more in the background as The Hand raises his fists into the air. "Where I'm From" starts up over the PA system once again. As officials attend to J-Dogg, The Hand and Bryte hop out to the arena floor, where Bryte grabs a handheld camera and speaks directly into it. BRYTE You see this, Panther! This is what awaits you here in the OAOAST! You have NO CHANCE against The Hand! Do yourself a favor, Panther...STAY HOME! Bryte laughs sinisterly before starting back up the ramp with The Hand. The camera focuses one last time on J-Dogg's lifeless body before fading backstage The cameras cut to Jackie Gayda in the back, standing next to the mystery man who attacked Chris Stevens at the Great Angle Bash. The man stands just under six feet, lanky, blonde, wearing a froofy ruffled shirt and sunglasses. JACKIE Hi everyone! I'm standing here with the man who attacked Chris Stevens the other week, and I hear your name is.. Jackie looks at the notecard in her hand, and blinks. JACKIE ...Your name is...Crazy Vampire? The mystery man hisses, and bares his fangs. COACH Yikes! CRAZY VAMPIRE That's right, Jackie, I am the craaaaaazy vaaampire~! JACKIE Wait, you're "the" crazy vampire? I thought you WERE Crazy Vampire? CRAZY VAMPIRE Oh, but I aaaaam, Jackie! *hissssssssss* JACKIE Um...right....so....why did you attack Chris Stevens at the Great Angle Bash? C.V. Well Jaaaackie, it goessss like thissssssssss...if you want to make an immmpressssion....you go after the man who issss looooking to MAKE an impressssion! Chrrrisssss Steevensss, you think you know what it isssss to be a ssssuperstarr? When I get through with yooooou, you will be nothing compared to MEEEEEEE~! *hissssssssss* Abruptly, the crazy vampire, apparently NAMED Crazy Vampire, walks off. Jackie looks on dumbfounded...as the cameras cut to Chris Stevens to a big pop! Stevens is in the locker room, watching on a monitor, shaking his head. STEVENS That son of a bitch... (Go to break) (Return from break) (We cut to a shot of a homeless shelter and see Rick Edwards standing outside holding the book. He opens the door and walks in. Inside we see people sitting down to eat and others serving the food. Leah Blackstone stands behind a large pot of soup when she notices Rick and walks over.) LEAH You need to leave. RICK Wait… LEAH No I won’t wait. Leave or I’ll call the cops. RICK I have something… LEAH I don’t want to hear it! *Rick holds out the book and Leah begins to understand.* LEAH Well I see you finally looked at it. RICK It doesn’t make sense. According to this book all of the OAOAST wrestlers came to the hospital while I was there, but I didn’t see a single one of them. LEAH Wow you’re not very bright are you? Your cousin J. Arthur was telling them that you didn’t want visitors and was sending them away. RICK That can’t be! LEAH The book doesn’t lie Rick! When are you going to wake up to the fact that J. Arthur is a sleazebag and he only cares about money and himself? He and that Boss of yours are using you. RICK Why would they do that? J. Arthur is family. LEAH Well your family hasn’t exactly been great to you in the past has it? They probably wanted someone to do the work they were too lazy to do themselves! Why do you even take orders from this “Boss”? Do you even know who he is? RICK No I don’t. I’ve never even seen his face. LEAH Then why do you trust him? Why do you trust J. Arthur? Didn’t J. Arthur help your Father to injure you in the first place? RICK J. Arthur turned on him. He’s changed. LEAH No he hasn’t! He’s the same person he was then except he doesn’t hang out with your Father anymore! You know it’s true. You’re just defending him because you think you have to. Just because he’s family doesn’t mean you have to trust him or like him! *Rick thinks about it* RICK Oh God what have I gotten myself into? I’m sick of everything and I’m sick of not being able to trust anyone. LEAH You can trust Judas, as odd as that sounds, you can trust Eddy even though you don’t think so, and you can trust The Parka. RICK How do I know I can trust any of them? Even the little family I have left that I thought I could trust has been lying to me! If I can’t trust family then how can I trust them? LEAH Because none of them need to be helping you, but they do anyway because there was a time where you would do the same. Judas believes in you because you took him in even after he tried to end your career. He’s your brother. He’s your real family. What you did for him shows me that there is something good in you, but you’re hiding it under all this anger! *Rick sits down and buries his face in his hands.* RICK What am I supposed to do now? The Boss is expecting me to do my job and that lunatic Christopher Cain is gonna go after Eddy. Things are so screwed up. LEAH Stand up to them. Be a hero again. RICK I’m no hero. LEAH You were once! You just got handed a raw deal in life and let it get to you too much. It’s time you quit moping around and start acting like a man because lately you’ve been acting like a little girl! RICK Hey!!! LEAH Did that get your attention? Am I getting through to you? *Rick stands up* RICK Yeah you are, but why are you doing this? LEAH Let’s just say I was a big Blurricane fan back in the day. *Rick gives Leah a strange look* LEAH You can’t let the past eat away at you. It’s time to make a stand against J. Arthur and The Boss. RICK When J. Arthur gets back I’ll talk with him. LEAH Just a talk? RICK Well there may be some fists involved. It depends on my mood and lately I haven’t exactly been in a good mood. LEAH I didn’t even notice. RICK Yeah, well…about that…I… LEAH What? RICK I wanted to say that I’m sorry…about the way I acted. LEAH Wow…I didn’t expect that. RICK Let’s just say you opened my eyes and things are about to get a little crazy around here. I know Judas has got you involved in this little conspiracy against me, but don’t go and get yourself hurt. LEAH Careful now…you’re starting to sound like you care. RICK Just don’t do anything stupid. LEAH Well what are you planning to do? RICK Something stupid. *Rick gets up and walks to the door* RICK I don’t understand. I treated you like crap and yet you still care. LEAH I see how much Judas respects you and if what he says is true then you have some good in you. As long as he believes in you then I’ll believe in you. RICK I’m not someone to believe in. I’m just trying to survive and right now I just want to take back control of my life. *As Rick finishes saying this he walks away. Leah watches him walk away and sighs. Suddenly Judas appears from the back.* JUDAS I told you he’d come around. Let’s just hope he doesn’t get himself hurt. (Fade out) We cut to a shot of the Thrillogy locker room. Zack Malibu and Candie are sitting on a leather loveseat, Candie draped across Zack's lap. The power couple are exchanging sweet nothings. ZACK You're so cute. CANDIE No baby, you're so cute... ZACK You are. CANDIE YOU are. Candie giggles and reaches for a cherry from a nearby bowl. She leans back and lowers the cherry into Zack's mouth (to some groans from the audience). Zack bites the cherry off the stem and smiles at his lady. CABOOSE Awww. COLE This is sickening. Zack swallows the cherry, and the two lock eyes. Zack leans his head forward, moving in to lock lips with his beautiful lady love... When suddenly the door almost flies off its hinges, showing a very flustered Hoff! HOFF ZACK! Zack looks up at Candie, rolling his eyes. Candie smiles and gets up off of Zack, patting him on the knee. Candie walks to the door, smiling and saying "bye, Hoff," patting him on the shoulder as she leaves the room. Hoff spares her the slightest nod before turning his focus back to Zack. Zack sits upright on the couch, and sighs. ZACK So. What's up? Hoff takes a deep breath. HOFF WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! Zack smiles. ZACK Calm down, big daddy. Zack gets up and pulls a chair over to Hoff. Hoff sits down, and rests his forehead on his hand. Zack paces the room. ZACK Listen, Hoff, I entered you into the tourney. Hoff's neck SNAPS up at this. His eyes go wide. HOFF WHAT?! ZACK Easy, easy. Settle. Find your center. HOFF ZACK!! ZACK Listen! Hoff, do you realize what it would mean if you won that thing? Hoff looks slightly taken aback as Zack continues. ZACK Think about it. You're one of the hottest stars in this company, right? Your star is totally on the rise. You're the 24/7 Champion, and a charter member of the most dominant force in professional wrestling, The Thrillogy. Now, what a feather in your cap it would be to become the Emperor of Death. Think about it, Hoff. Hoff relaxes a bit, and raises his head, apparently mulling over Zack's words. ZACK And can you think of anyone, Hoff, that's more DESERVING? You've beaten them all, buddy! Crystal, Sly Sommers, Axel, AJ -- you've taken each one down. Frankly, I can't think of anyone more suited to win this thing. And when it's all said and done, think of how it will all roll off the tounge. Hoff, the 24/7 Champion, and the Emperor of Death. Hoff stands up off the chair, with a dreamy look in his eyes. Zack walks next to him, and slaps him on the chest. The two men stand, nodding, smiles on their faces -- but Hoff quickly looks down at Zack. HOFF All right, but what about this 24/7 Title defense I supposedly have tonight? That your handiwork too? Zack chuckles. ZACK Yes it is, Hoff. Yes it is. *stepping back* But before you get angry, let me explain. I've booked you a surprise opponent tonight. Trust me...you're gonna love it. Hoff eyes Zack warily. HOFF Well...it had better be good. ZACK Oh, it will be. (Go to break)

(Return from break) The HeldDOWN~! logo scrolls across the screen as we take you back to LAST WEEK, where Panther stares Chris Bryte down in the ring. COLE (voice-over) Fans, it was just last week here on HeldDOWN~! Chris Bryte had challenged Panther to a face-to-face confrontation! Panther showed up, and it was on! Panther and Bryte in the middle of the ring, and just when we thought Panther would get his hands on Bryte; just when we thought he'd be able to get payback on Bryte for all the trouble he's caused him throughout the year... CABOOSE ...out came THE HAND~! to save the day for Chris Bryte! On sceen, Panther cocks his fist, rears back, but the Hand catches him by the wrist, preventing him from striking Bryte. Panther turns to face The Hand, only to get ROCKED with a straight right hand to the top of the head. The logo scrolls across the screen once again as we flash to a later shot of Hand holding the now bloodied Panther's arms, allowing Bryte to slap him. COLE Yes. The Hand intervening on Chris Bryte's behalf, allowing Bryte to verbally assault and humiliate Panther. This was absolutely disgusting. COACH Yeah. But that wasn't all. Chris Bryte went on to issue another challenge to Panther... BRYTE I'm asking you to step in the ring one more time and prove that you're still the guy you used to be! To prove that you're still the Champ of Champs! But not against me, Panther! No! You haven't shown yourself worthy of being able to step into the ring with the Bryte Man! No!...I'm CHALLENGING you to step in the ring with one of the deadliest men on the planet! The man who possesses the strongest, most powerful hands in the world! I want you to step in the ring with...THE HAND~! ...The challenge is laid out, Panther. All you've gotta do is accept...and I'll waive the stipulation from our match at Living Anglelously! I'll allow you to come back to the OAOAST! I may even allow you to get another shot at me...but that ONLY if you accept my challenge! Until then, I'm done wasting my prescious time on you, Panther! If you've got anything else you wanna say, don't take it up with me, TALK TO THE HAND~! GET HIM! Bryte steps aside just as The Hand releases Panther and drops him with a right hand to the back of the head. Bryte slides out of the ring and starts back up the ramp as the fans boo him out of the building! COLE And from there, Bryte left Panther to be decimated by the monstrous Hand! CABOOSE That's THE HAND~! COLE Call him what you will, but The Hand took Panther apart quickly and easily, and as a result of this attack, Panther received 10 stitches in his forehead in addition to various internal injuries--including a fractured rib. The clip ends with The Hand standing over a bloodied Panther before exiting the ring. THE LOGO~! scrolls the screen once more and we cut to a live shot of Panther, sitting on a sofa in what appears to be a living room. COLE And fans, joining us via satellite from his home in Philadelphia is none other than Panther. And Panther, first off, I'm sure the fans wanna know just how well you're doing after that attack from The Hand last week? PANTHER About as well as somebody with fractured ribs can possibly feel. It hurts to move, I can't even breathe without experiencing some kinda pain...and honestly, Cole, I feel like shit. COLE Well...that's unfortunate. You've had time to digest the events of last week, Panther, tell us what's going through your head right now. What is your reaction...not only to the attack itself, but what about the things that Chris Bryte had to say to you...the disparriaging remarks he made. How did that make you feel? PANTHER Cole...I got beat down and embarrassed in front of the world last week! How the hell do think I feel?! Panther rolls his eyes and exhales deeply before continuing. PANTHER You know, Cole, I think about Chris Bryte...I think about all he's done to me, all he's said about me over the past few months...and you know, it just pisses me off. Not so much because of what he's said, but really, when I think about the things he's been going around saying about me...a lot of it is true. COLE What do you mean? PANTHER Well...he's been saying that I've lost something...that I'm not the same guy I used to be, and really, he's right. I mean, I look at what went down last week and that trap he set for me...Cole, I *NEVER* would've fallen for something like that in the past. NEVER! (sighs) I've let Chris Bryte get into my head. He's been playing mind games for months, and I've been playing right into his hands. He's manipulated me, he's thrown me off my game...that's not how it's supposed to go down, Cole! I was the MASTER of the mind games! I'm the one who's supposed to be doing the manipulating! I'm the one who's supposed to be fucking with people's heads! And here I am, getting played week after week...and by who?! A fucking rookie?! Panther looks down at the floor, visibly disgusted with himself. PANTHER Bryte's right. He's absolutely right. I've lost it. I've lost the killer instinct that I used to have. I've allowed my emotions to get the better of me, and my career...MY LIFE is suffering because of it. I just...I...(sigh) I dunno, Cole. COLE Now Panther, Chris Bryte issued a challenge to you. It's supposed to be a way to prove that, in his words, the "OLD" Panther is still alive within you. He's challenged you to step into the ring with The Hand. And Panther, having you given thought to that challenge? PANTHER Yeah, I've given it some thought. Lemme tell ya, Cole...I've been in this game for almost 8 years now. And in those 8 years, I've faced a lotta people. Big guys, small guys, fat guys, skinny guys...you name it. I've been thrown off ladders, thrown off cages...thrown of scaffolds. I've been buried. I've been burned. I've been kidnapped. I've been temporarily blinded! Throughout all of these years, with all that I've been through...Cole, not once have I experienced anything like the feeling I had last week. COLE What...what do you mean? PANTHER Cole...The Hand hit me...Cole, that was the hardest I've ever been hit in my life. I mean, one shot to the body, and damn it, I felt like all my insides were falling out. And then...(chuckles) then when he had me in that claw...and I felt him crushing my head in his hand...no matter how hard I tried to fight it...no matter how much I tried to get away, I couldn't. Last week, for the first time that I can remember, I felt completely helpless...and that scared me. It's hard for me to admit it, but It scared the hell outta me. COLE So...what are you saying? Are you declining Bryte's challenge? PANTHER I...I...(sighs) I dunno. I mean...when I came to the OAOAST last year, it wasn't supposed to be a long-term thing. And...well...it's like I said, I'm not the guy that I used to be. I dunno if I can handle a match against The Hand...and frankly, I'm not so sure that this fight is totally worth it. Panther sighs and shakes his head. PANTHER I need time. I need time to get my head straight...to think all this stuff through, and just figure out what the hell I'm gonna do. Right now, I just don't have an answer. I'm sorry. Panther buries his face in his hands and looks down at the floor. The camera zooms in on him before fading out to commercial. (Go to break) (Return from break) The cameras come back from the break with a shot of Triple C, Cole and Coach with somber looks, and Caboose with a half frown. COLE Well Ladies and Gentlemen, one week ago we witnessed perhaps the end of one of the most promising careers in the OAOAST, when the Twenty-Four Seven Champion Hoff gave AJ Flaire a spinebuster onto an unfolded chair, and broke his back. CABOOSE What did I tell all of you? I was the first guy to call AJ’s move last week a mistake, he should never have challenged Hoff in the first place. COACH Yeah Caboose, and we both agreed with you. But what AJ did was courageous, and an inspiration to us all. CABOOSE It was plain stupid. These people are going to cheer the guy, because he had some insane notion that they all matter to his career. Reality is, AJ Flaire got to where he was because he was good, not because he was popular. And you know what’s even truer? AJ Flaire was a good wrestler. He had the potential to be a GREAT wrestler. He had the potential to be at the top of the mountain. His injuries and his carelessness to manage these injuries cut his career short. That’s the reality of this whole scenario. It pains me to see a great talent waste his opportunity because of these people; they mean nothing in the long run. COLE Well that may be true, but our thoughts, as always, are with AJ, and all his family and friends. We have yet to be told the full extent of AJ’s injury, which is why right now we will cross live to the Private Medical Facility in which AJ underwent surgery earlier today. There on stand by is AJ’s great friend and part-time Tag Team partner, Gunner Sharps. The cameras cross to Gunner, who is standing in the hallway of the hospital. He looks like he hasn’t slept in a number of days, but at the moment also looks calm and collected. COLE First of all Gunner, thanks for being with us, I know you haven’t slept much in the last few days as you have been at the hospital watching over AJ Flaire. GUNNER Thank you Michael, I’m only too happy to do this, because AJ wants everyone out there to know how he’s doing, because god knows how many cards, e-mails and general well-wishers there have been over the past four days. COLE First off Gunner, what was the extent of the damage to AJ’s back, and what type of surgery did he need earlier today. GUNNER Well Michael, no one knew the extent of AJ’s back injuries apart from AJ and his doctor, up until we were informed Monday of the severity of those injuries. On Monday we were informed that AJ’s L3, l5, L6 and L7 discs were ruptured. I’m not totally sure what procedure the doctors performed today, but all I know is that AJ will be in a wheelchair until at least early August. He has been told that basically he will never be able to do more than walk briskly again, let alone wrestle. Even with extensive rehabilitation, there’s only a 5% chance that he will even be able to run. COACH Wow. That certainly is bad news. Gunner, what was AJ’s demeanor before the operation? GUNNER Surprisingly, pretty upbeat. He knew what had to be done, and he knows the work that he has to do in the next year. He is, as always, adamant that he will wrestle again, but the reality is that there is only a minute chance that will happen. He has been in quite a lot of pain over the past few days, and was heavily medicated Monday after the incident, but has slowly been able to talk to us all, and seems well. COACH So you have been at the Hospital since Monday? GUNNER Yes. AJ needed me here, and I wasn’t going to go anywhere. Crystal and Sly Sommers have also been in and out all week long. AJ has always been my little brother, and I’m glad that Crystal and Sly have taken the time to visit, it shows how much they care. COLE That is a true mark of friendship Gunner. Have you heard from Axel? GUNNER No, none of us have. He basically disappeared into thin air, and just when he was starting to prove to us that he was back to his old self. If you’re watching Axel, AJ wants to see you, as do Crystal and I. COLE Now, on to the hard question, because we were told to ask you this. What do you think of the man that broke AJ Flaire’s back last week, the OAOAST Twenty-Four Seven Champion, Hoff? Gunner’s breathing instantly becomes heavier. His expression turns from one of calmness to one of pure anger. GUNNER Well… Gunner grabs the chair beside him against the wall, and launches it across the hallway, sending it crashing into a glass display screen. A doctor then walks past, and Hoff grabs him by the throat with both hands, and throws him through a patient’s door! Gunner turns around, a far away look in his eye, before turning and looking straight at the camera. GUNNER HOFF! Last week, you stepped over the line. You broke my best friend’s back, and you broke his heart. In the process, you did one thing that is more dangerous to you than any of that… you PISSED ME OFF. You must have a death wish, because if there is one thing that everyone knows, it’s that you don’t piss off a seven foot, three hundred-fifty pound MONSTER! The crowd roars in appreciation and Gunner stares deeper into the camera, the angry look replaced by one of almost disgust. GUNNER Hoff, I have been informed by the Board of Directors that as of next week, my suspension has been lifted. You had better hope that I miss my plane next week, or you’d better not be in the building. Because next week, I’m coming for you. Next week I am going to hunt you down, and I am going to put you in the hospital bed next to AJ. You can bring Zack, Calvin, Gibraltar, St. Andrew, The Popcorn Guy, The Sound Guy, Buff Bagwell, and the merry band of midgets that you employ to suck your *BLEEP*. Bring them all, and I will destroy them all. I don’t care if they suspend me, if they fire me, or if they arrest me, it doesn’t make any difference. I am coming to hurt you Hoff, and nobody is going to stop me. We are done here. Gunner gets up and pushes the camera over, showing nothing but the floor. COLE Wow... The camera cuts away from the scene at the facility...and onto Hoff. A thunderous chorus of boos floods the arena as Hoff is shown in the back, looking down at a monitor, with his mouth half open. We can see Josh Matthews approaching him from the left, as Hoff simply mouths the word "broken..." JOSH Hoff...your thoughts? Hoff slowly turns toward Josh, with his head down and mouth still half open. Hoff faintly says, almost to himself... HOFF I didn't know his back was broken... Some of the boos die off, but Hoff quickly shakes his head and looks up at Josh. HOFF You know what? That's good, that's great! That's the best news I've heard all day! The boos come back in full force as Hoff looks angry, and slightly shaken. JOSH Hoff.. HOFF No, listen Josh. I told AJ, I WARNED him, and he didn't listen. And as far as I'm concerned, that's one less problem that we have to deal with. And as far as that big ape Gunner goes, if he has the balls to show his face around here, I'll be ready for that big oaf. JOSH Hoff... NO! Gunner, you big bastard, I've said it again and again. You're nothing. I am the FUTURE of this industry, and you and your Bleeding Soul BUTT buddies are nothing -- NOTHING. You hear me? Hoff smiles again, showing a little of the old swagger. JOSH Well, Hoff, be that as it may, you've certainly got a lot to occupy you right now -- HOFF The hell you talking about?! J. Math takes a step back. JOSH Well...I mean, with your entry in the deathmatch tournament... HOFF WHAT?!?!? Hoff's eyes go wide, his jaw drops, his face goes completely white. JOSH Well... HOFF WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! Deathmatch -- NO! I didn't sign up for that!! JOSH Well, we got word earlier that you were signed up... HOFF NO! This is some kind of mistake!! It HAS to be!! Deathmatch? DEATHMATCH?! Hoff paces furiously, holding his forehead. COACH Wait, so is Hoff in the Emperor of Death tournament? COLE I...I guess so! CABOOSE Um...are you sure? Hoff spins back to face Matthews. HOFF Josh, I SWEAR to you, if this is some kinda joke-- Josh cowers. JOSH N-no! Hoff looks down, muttering "deathmatch" and breathing heavily. JOSH Not...not to... Josh looks up at Hoff with some noticeable fear in his eyes. Hoff looks back down with his head cocked. HOFF Not to what, Josh? Josh swallows hard. JOSH Well...um...not to take the focus off of your 24/7 Title defense tonight... Hoff looks shocked. HOFF I-- Josh shakes his head and shrugs, looking scared. Hoff lowers his head a little, shakes it, then abruptly walks off. Josh looks back at the camera. JOSH Well guys, I guess, it's...back to you. The cameras cut to Sofa Central. COLE Wow, it looks like Hoff is out of the loop tonight! CABOOSE This isn't funny! First of all, someone is obviously playing a joke on the poor man. COACH And a funny one! Now, is it just me, or did Hoff look positively spooked when Josh mentioned the Emperor of Death tournament? CABOOSE NO! He was just caught off guard! COLE Well I've just been notified by our Board of Directors that Hoff is in fact entered into the Emperor of Death tournament, which will be held at License to Pin: This Ain't Oz! CABOOSE Oh man, poor Hoff...and title match? Doesn't the man get a week off? COACH Apparently not! But who's gonna be his opponent tonight? COLE Only one way to find out...stay tuned! (Go to a looooong break)

Our scene opens up in the Thrillogy locker room, where Calvin Szechstein, Zack Malibu, Hoff and Candie all sit, chairs arranged in a circle. Calvin clears his throat and speaks first. CALVIN Hey, guys, I called you in here for one reason... HOFF We know, Cal, you're going to win the Italian Championship and finally get some gold. CALVIN Well, yeah. But Drek seems to think that I can't win without you guys at ringside. So... ZACK So you want us to not interfere? CALVIN In a nutshell, yes. ZACK Calvin, when's the last time you didn't have interference in a match and actually won? Don't get me wrong, I love you like a brother, but... I think you need us out there, man. CALVIN And I love you like a brother too, Zack... and you too, Hoff, but if he wants me to prove that I can win without you guys, then by God, I'm going to prove that I can win without you guys. Zack leans back in his chair, and Candie instantly gets up, rubbing his abs. ZACK All right, Calvin. We're invisible tonight. CALVIN Thanks, man... I'll be bringing home some gold tonight, mark my words. Calvin gets up, exiting. Hoff and Zack look at each other. HOFF He ain't been right since he lost to you, Zack. ZACK Yeah, well, maybe he can win tonight and get some of his old swagger back. I miss that Calvin... (Fade out) CUE: Party All The Time “Hailing from Las Vagas, Nevada, weighing in at 230 pounds, The Saint’s LOGAN MANN!” :: The multi-colored spotlights follow Logan to the ring and the sparklers and pyro explode when he raises his arms:: CUE: Set It Off “Hailing from Coquitlam, British Columbia, weighing in at 150 pounds, CRYSTAL:: ::Crystal’s usual entrance goes off, but Crystal just walks through it with fire in her eyes, obviously angry about what happened to her friend last week. Logan sees her intensity and does a comical gulp, looking around for any help.:: COLE: “So what are Logan’s chances in this match up?” COACH: “As good as his and Synth’s chances are of getting Alix and Krista to be their groupies.” CABOOSE: “So, I should be expecting a huge upset then?” COACH: “You actually think they’ll be the Saint’s groupies?” DING! DING! DING! Right away, Crystal charges Logan with a clothesline. Crystal drags him up by his hair, and sends him to the corner. She goes ballistic on him with punches and kicks, until he’s on the ground, begging for mercy. The referee pulls back Crystal, and Logan drags himself up with the help of the ropes. Crystal, after argueing with the ref, goes back to Logan, but Logan pokes her in the eye! He backs her into the corner, and nails her with a couple of chops. He irish whips her into the opposite corner, but Crystal reverses! Crystal rushes towards Logan but he gets an elbow up. He runs towards her for what looks to be a clothesline, but Crystal drop toe holds him. She picks him up, and sends him to the ropes. He rebounds, and is hit with a reverse elbow! Logan slowly gets up, not seeing Crystal crouched behind him. He turns around, and gets hit by the SPEAR~! COACH: “Ouch!” COLE: “Still expecting that huge upset ‘Boose?” With Logan on his knees, Crystal winds up and delivers a straight kick to the head! Logan crumbles, and Crystal picks up his legs, crosses them, flips over Logan, and locks in the CRYSTALLING~! Logan groggily taps. “And your winner is CRYSTAL!” COLE: “That was short and painless. Well, not painless for Logan.” CABOOSE: “That’s not fair! Why did Logan have to be the victim? How could have he prepared for that?” COACH: “Them da breaks, kid.” CABOOSE: “Don’t ever call me that again. In fact, just stop speaking.” COLE: “Hopefully for the Saints, they have better luck getting Alix and Krista as groupies.” ::Crystal asks for the microphone from the announcer.:: CRYSTAL: “I bet you Thrillogy assholes are quite proud of yourself, right? I mean, what’s a person’s career to you guys? You got your shits and giggles, so all is well with the Thrillogy. A.J.’ll be back, better than ever. Hoff, you were the one who broke his back with your own hands, but I’m not worried about you. You, sir, are going to get your ass kicked by my good friend Gunner Sharps, because he’s out for your blood!” ::The fans cheer and start chanting GUN-NER.:: CRYSTAL: “And Zack, this was just a small preview of our match at License to Pin. As Led Zeppelin once said: Your time is gonna come. It’s going to come at License to Pin. I’m the better wrestler Zack, and at the PPV, I’m going to make that….crystal clear!” ::Set It Off blares and Crystal makes her way to the back:: CABOOSE: “Sure, she talks a big game, but I don’t think she’ll be able to back it up.” COACH: “Of course my girl will back it up!” CABOOSE: “What did I say about speaking?” (Go to break)

The OAOAST camera crew shows how well they've perfected their timing, as the cameras take us from the arena to behind the curtain, just in time to see Zack Malibu, once again sitting in his wheelchair, being pushed around the arena by the love of his life, Candie. 24/7 Champion Hoff is there as well, and Calvin Szechstein rounds out the group, pacing behind the champion while neatly dressed in cargo pants and a blue and white Hawiian shirt. Malibu's cocky smirk is present on his face as he's wheeled past both roster members and crew, flanked by the rest of The Thrillogy. MALIBULook at all these peons. Hey, you! Malibu calls out to a go-fer who's carrying pyro equipment for one of the upcoming matches. GO-FER Uh...me? MALIBU Well, I can see you weren't educated past the middle school level. Tell me one thing, slick...you seen Crystal around here tonight? GO-FER Crystal? Ooooh yeah, I saw her all right. Man, she was loooking fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii... MALIBU OK, I don't need to hear about your wet dreams. Hoff-Stepper, get this guy outta my way, will you? With a simple one-handed shove, the 24/7 Champion sends the lackey falling backwards about ten feet, with equipment dropping to the floor at every turn. GO-FER Hey! You can't... Hoff stands over the scrawny nobody. HOFF I can't what? The go-fer takes a gulp, eating whatever words he was about to say. Hoff turns away from him, and The Thrillogy keep on walking by, heading for their dressing room, until... MALIBU Wait a sec. Candie, hold up. Malibu is almost looking directly into the camera, but as it pans back, we see him looking at a superstar who's recently returned to the OAOAST ranks, Leon Rodez. Rodez is in a conversation with Josh Matthews and road agent Rick Martel, when we see Zack wheeling himself over in the background, as Candie, Hoff, and Cal look on. MALIBU 'Scuse me, boys. The conversation stops, and a feeling of uneasiness comes over both Martel and Matthews, while Rodez isn't quite sure what to make of the interruption. MALIBU Matthews, go watch Boy Meets World or something. Martel, when that ends, watch all the PGA you want. I wanna talk to the kid here. Matthews and Martel reluctantly scatter, leaving Malibu with Leon. MALIBU So kid, how do you like it here? RODEZ Backstage? MALIBU Don't be a smart ass. How do you like being in the OAOAST? RODEZ It's cool, y'know? MALIBU No, no I don't know. I don't know what you think. I don't know anything about you. You know what that means, right? RODEZ That you should watch more tapes? MALIBU Heh, you're a real wiseass kid. I can appreciate that. The thing is, is that if you were someone worthwhile...if you had a shred of actual talent somewhere in that body of yours, I'd have heard about it by now. I'd have had people telling me you were the next big thing. Instead, I see you hang around with Coffee Boy and Never Was. You do realize that you're only as good as the company you keep, right? RODEZ Is that a fact, Zack? MALIBU That's a fact, Mr... RODEZ Rodez. Leon Rodez. MALIBU Rodez? What are you supposed to be, the "New American Dream"? Don't even tell me you think you could get away with wearing polka dots in MY company. Hell, even Northstar doesn't do that crap. RODEZ It's R-O-D-E-Z actually. You know, for a guy who claims to be on top of things in this company, I figured you'd have paid more attention to potential title threats. MALIBU Potential title threats? As in YOU? C'mon Leon, be serious. Rodez's stare shows Zack that he's not kidding at all. MALIBU All right, OK, I see where this is going. Mr. Newbie thinks that by stepping up his game in front of the champ and making some grandstand challenge, that he can become a superstar. Let me tell you something, kid...no one...NO ONE...becomes a star at my expense. RODEZ I've seen you talk the talk, Zack, and I've seen you walkin' the walk...just not lately, if you know what I mean. Malibu frowns in disgust at Rodez, who smiles, happy with the comment. MALIBU Yeah, well, I haven't seen you do jack that tells me you're ready to run with the big dogs here. My guess is you'll be jerking the curtain for a long, long time. RODEZ You know, Zack, if I'm such a pushover, then why aren't you pushing? MALIBU You don't want me to push, Leon. When I push...I push hard. RODEZ So do I. Just ask Candie over there. Fed up with the comebacks, Zack stands up out of his chair, wincing as he does due to the soreness in his legs. Hoff and Calvin come over, standing by their partner, and Rodez backs away a few steps, not wanting to get himself involved in a three on one beatdown. Malibu is eased back into his chair by Calvin, while Hoff glares at the mouthy upstart. MALIBU All right Rodez, the time for you to talk is done. Now, it's time for you to walk...TONIGHT. I'm going to give you a break, kid. I'm gonna see if you can shine. See, I don't think just anyone deserves to be running around with a contract in these parts...not without proving themself. So tonight, it's your proving ground. Whatever you had planned...scrap it. The main event slot belongs to you tonight...and I guarantee you're not going to see it again for a long, long time. Candie, get me away from this no name, will ya? Candie runs over and pushes Zack away, while Hoff and Calvin slowly follow, keeping their eye on Rodez as they continue on their path to their dressing room. The camera closes in on Rodez, who can only shake his head at the actions of The Thrillogy, as we fade out to commercial. (Go to break) (Return from break) (Earlier this week) (We open in the familiar office of “The Boss” at Williams & Horn. Rick is standing in front of the desk while The Boss sits in his chair facing away from Rick. Christopher Cain stands beside the chair with his arms folded and doesn’t say a word.) THE BOSS Rick what am I going to do with you? RICK What do you mean? THE BOSS You haven’t done what I’ve asked of you yet. Leah Blackstone is still pursuing her lawsuit. You were supposed to convince her otherwise. I even gave you Christopher Cain to help the process. She would have caved at the very sight of this man had you taken him to see her! RICK Quite frankly I’m a little afraid of what Cain might do if I took him to see her. Not that I care about her, but I figured it would look bad on Williams & Horn if he were to hurt her. THE BOSS Let me decide things like that! I hired you because I thought you had the guts to do dirty work. I thought you were the kind of guy that wouldn’t let emotions get in your way, but it seems to me that women make you weak! RICK Now wait just a minute!! *Cain gives Rick a look and Rick lowers the tone of his voice.* RICK I was going to continue convincing Ms. Blackstone after I took care of my match at the Bash! THE BOSS That’s not good enough! J. Arthur recommended you highly for this job, but if he were here even he would be disappointed in you! When he gets back from his vacation you and him will take Cain and go see Ms. Blackstone one last time! Do not fail me Rick. I do not like having my time wasted! RICK Yes sir. THE BOSS Don’t get me wrong. You’re a good kid and I’m just trying to help mold you into the man you need to be! You need to be vicious to get what you want in this world and if you only do what I ask you will become that person! You have a killer instinct and we can bring it out if you only let us! You just let things distract you like this Eddy Kalm and The Parka. RICK I can’t believe I trusted Eddy. THE BOSS He wanted you to fail because he’s friends with Parka. He used his position as counselor to gain your trust and then used it against you! You don’t need people like that. J. Arthur and I would never do that to you. We are your friends. We are your family. I’m sorry I didn’t see this Mr. Kalm as a threat before, but now he will be dealt with accordingly. I look out for my family. RICK What do you mean by that? *Cain steps forward* CAIN Don’t worry. I’ll just talk to him for a little bit. Make him see the errors of his ways. *Cain laughs evilly* *Rick looks disturbed by Cain* RICK You don’t have to hurt him. I’m sure he won’t be a problem anymore. THE BOSS Oh he won’t be a problem anymore. Trust me. RICK Listen I’m glad you see me as family and all and I’m grateful for your help, but honestly I’m over what Eddy did. Let’s just move on and not worry about it. THE BOSSSee, he’s causing you to lose your edge. You just worry about defending that title of yours and convincing Ms. Blackstone to drop her lawsuit. We’ll take care of the rest. Now take the day off and enjoy yourself. *Rick leaves the room with a worried look on his face and enters the elevator. He gets off on the ground level and walks across the room.* RICK *to himself* This is insane. Why did I ever get involved with this company? *Rick walks along, but suddenly stops and looks at something. He walks over to a plant and picks up a little black book.* RICK Hey…this is that book Leah brought me. I forgot about this. *Rick flips it open to the first page and reads.* RICK St. Mary’s Hospital Guestbook?? What the?? *Rick looks confused as he leaves the building.* (We cut back live to the arena) COLE What’s that all about and what does Cain mean by “talking” with Eddy Kalm? COACH This just keeps getting weirder. (Go to a very long break) (Come back to a house show ad) (Go to another long break) (Return from long break)

( Go the sold out arena) Cole: Hello everyone! Thank you for letting us into your home on this Thursday night. I’m Mikey Cole, joined by the Coach. And we of course welcome Caboose. Any breaks on what that was last week C? Caboose: You'll get your update later. Coach: But what exactly happened? Caboose: Leave it Coach, wait for later. I just want to see some people kick the shit out of each other first. Coach: Not even a hint? Caboose hits Coach in the face. Coach: Mmppffhh. Cole: Well I guess we'll have an update from Caboose later in the show. ("Gimme Back My Bullets" starts up, and Sly Sommers comes to the ring, wearing an official License to Pin t-shirt and jeans. When he enters the ring, he pulls a microphone out of his pocket.) SLY If I could have a moment of airtime here, I'd like to address a situation quickly here. See, we got this little thing coming up called the Emperor of Death Tournament at License to Pin, and people are really talking about it, it seems. Normally, I'm not a huge fan of gore and violence, but when people are talking about something, I've gotta be involved. Therefore, let me be the first to say that I am entering my name in for the Emperor of Death Tournament! ::decent-sized pop:: SLYBut, I have one request. You see, I had a lot of fun beating the tar out of Thrillogy scum in that War Games match a couple of weeks back. But, it wasn't enough for me. I didn't get to make them relinquish enough of their own blood. I want more...and I want it from the hide of Calvin Szechstein! Since Calvin has a match tonight for a title that I wouldn't mind getting my hands around, I won't bother with him right now. But what I will do is this... (Sly gets down on his knees) SLY I know you're watching, Board of Directors members. What I'm going to ask...no, BEG of you is that you put me in a first-round match in the Emperor of Death Tournament against Cal. For my sanity, and for everyone else's safety, this match NEEDS to happen. Please...if you have a heart, make this happen. Now, I'm not asking that you guys immediately make the decision. But, if you guys could let me and the public know about your decision by next week, that'd be cool. Thanks, everyone for giving me a minute of your time. You guys can go back to your normal show. ::Sly leaves the ring and goes back to the locker room:: COACH Wow, that's some big news! COLE Sly's in the Emperor of Death Tournament, and he wants Calvin Szechstein in the first round! (Go to break) "Stars & Stripes Forever" blasts over the loudspeakers. The crowd stands on their feet and begin a chant of "USA! USA USA!" BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, from the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave, the All-American Boy II and III... the All-American Boys! Their opponents, to be introduced by their manager. CUE: "Chase" Like every incarnation of the Midnights -- except Bart Gunn & Bob Holly-- the team receives their fair share of cheers mixed in with the boos. Jim Cornette leads the NNMX to the ring, taunting some fans at ringside. CORNETTE Ladies and gentlemen here they are, the team more feared than the United States armed forces -- "Sarcastic" Simon & "Narcissistic" Ned, the New New Midnight Express! BUFFER And the manager...Mr. Jim Cornette. As usual, Cornette enthusiastically waves his infamous tennis racket before heading over to the Midnights for a breif strategty session. COLE No fans, you aren't seeing things. They are indeed an All-American Boy II & III. Some of you may remember the original AAB which turned out to be Angle-Plex in a gimmick that would make Dusty Rhodes and Ole Anderson proud. CABOOSE About as infamous as the Black Scorpion, without the destruction of the company's champion. COLE But rest assure, neither one of those men are AP. Much like Mr. Wrestling, who spawned II and a lesser known III, the AAB gimmick is actually very big in Japan. COACH The Japanese eat up anything American. The rest of the world, too, for that matter. They may hate us, but they love our goods, especially the Coach, you know what I mean, MC? Mm-hmm. Yep. I tell ya. HELDDOWN! The New New Midnight Express vs. the All-American Boy II & III * DING DING * Ned and who we'll call AAB II start things off. Narcissistic Ned casual struts around his opponent, checking him out. Apparently, AAB II impresses Ned, who offers his hand to him. Unsure about Ned's offer, AAB II turns to the crowd for help. They emphatically oppose Ned's gesture. "You're a proud Amercian. I'm a proud American," says Ned, once again extending his hand. The camera cuts to Jim Cornette. CORNETTE U.S.A.! U.S.A! U.S.A.! AAB nods his head and shakes Ned's hand. BA-- No, nothing happens. On the outside, Cornette points to AAB and says "See. We're Americans." AAB turns to his partner, nodding his head. Ned lets go of the handshake -- WHAM!, reverse back kick to AAB's stomach. AAB bends over, sucking up air, while exposing his back. You can't do that with a team the caliber of the New New Midnight Express. Ned sends AAB crashing to the mat with a double axehandle to the lower back. In rapid-fire succession, AAB gets drilled in the back of the head with forearm shots. AAB gets whipped into the ropes. Ned with the tag...droptoe hold...Simon bounces off the ropes with an elbow drop to the back of the neck. Before he exits the ring Ned stomps on AAB a couple of times. As referee Nick Patrick shows Ned out, AAB III connects with a MISSLE DROPKICK off the top. Cornette & Ned Blanchard nearly have a heart attack after what they saw. Ned & James E. frantically try to get Patrick to turn around but Ned hasn't gotten out of the ring yet. The AABs take this time to further double team Singleton. Simon off the ropes...DOUBLE TEAM BACKDROP. Simon gets up and goes back down with a double dropkick. Dazed, Sarcastic Simon staggers around the ropes, facing the crowd. He turns towards the ring and sees two men with American flags as masks coming right at him. Double team clothesline sends Simon out over the top rope. CABOOSE Nick Patrick has lost total control of this match. COLE Nick Patrick has been known to be quite liberal in the ring. CABOOSE Quite liberal? The man's been a crooked referee on more than one occassion. And you say he's "quite liberal"? If a rapist's released from prison and a few weeks later commits the same offence, it's okay because he's known to be "quite liberal"? COLE I don't see how you could compare those two things. CABOOSE The hypocrisy, Michael Cole. The hypocrisy! COLE In this business, everybody is a hypocrite. CABOOSE You've just admitted you're a hypocrite. COLE So are you. CABOOSE Shut up, Cole! Seeing how our next PPV event is located at a prison, I'm sure the guys are looking forward to some fresh meat. COLE You made a point using rape; now you're advocating it on me. CABOOSE I don't like your tone of voice! As a matter of fact, I don't like you. COLE You never did. CABOOSE Coach. Coach, what is this -- "Smart Ass Night"? COACH Not that I know of. CABOOSE As I, the best color man in the biz today was saying... I've said it before and I'll say it again: Where's the law and order? The referee's are like lawyers -- they cause nothing but problems, and you don't need them. COACH I'll put in a call to Jerry Orbach. Baby, when you're lookin' to stop the crime, call Mr. Primetime Jerry Orbach. With a beak like that nobody, and I mean nobody, would stand face to face with him. COLE What's with all your Law & Order references, Coach? You don't see me dropping Coupling references now, do you? CABOOSE That's because you reference the American version. And, Coach, Bill Cosby isn't happy with guys like you...Johnathan Coachman. COACH Why you gotta rag me like that, C? I'm kickin' back chillin' like a villian, and you gots to bring me down. That ain't right, yo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hooty-hoo! CABOOSE I rest my case. COLE We all rest our case. CABOOSE And you wonder why people still bring up the gay jokes. COLE I didn't... forget it. The crowd is jacked to see what are essentially a jobber tag team taking it to the Midnights. The crowd, except those two men in the back with signs saying "America, the true criminal. The U.N.: True leaders!", ignites in a "U.S.A!" chant. Cornette & the Midnights hold another brief strategty sessions outside the ring. Cornette then jumps on the ring apron, signaling for referee Nick Patrick. James E. starts chewing out Nick Patrick, jamming his finger into the ref's chest. Patrick swipes the finger away and fires back at Cornette. One of our fine cameramen hops on the ring apron in attempt to pick up what the two are aguring about. "I wanna see your referee's license, punk! Show it to me. Don't make me file a complaint with the OAOAST and the Referee's Bar Association. Show me the license. Show me the license!" COLE I must applaude referee Nick Patrick. He's obviously holding back his anger. No referee likes being put on the spot like this. It'd be like somebody saying I'm no good commentating. CABOOSE & COACH You're not. Patrick pulls out his referee's license. Cornette rips it away and looks it over. "Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. I see. All right. All clear. An earlier Merry Christmas to the best referee in the OAOAST." With a smile on his face Cornette politely hands the license back to the referee. Returning the smile, Nick heads over to ring announcer Michael Buffer. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, I've been informed by referee Nick Patrick, Jim Cornette has been ejected from ringside. (Big Pop) He must report back to the locker room by the count of 10 or the New New Midnight Express will be disqualified. Cornette goes ballistic, slamming his tennis racket to the floor, cussing and throwing out some naughty sign language. The censors are getting their money's worth tonight. The crowd chants along with Patrick's count. 1... 2... 3... For the thrid time tonight, Cornette & the Midnights hold another strategty session. 4... 5.. 6... 7... 8... Cornette runs -- or waddles, in his case -- to the back, but not before getting off some more choice words for the referee, all of which are bleeped. 9... 1-- He's gone. But not the All-American Boys. AAB II -- or is it III? -- whips his partner to the ropes. Charging towards his partner, the AAB backdrops his fellow American into the Midnights outside. Then AAB II jumps off the top with a crossbody block, knocking down all 3 men. One of the AABs drive Ned's head into the guardrails, and sends Simon back into the ring. COACH Who are the legal men? COLE Uh...Simon and the All-American Boy II. CABOOSE Which one's II? COLE The one in the ring. CABOOSE They're both dressed the same, you idiot! Simon's whipped into the ropes -- powerslam, followed by a Lionsault (the maneuver Jericho uses) off the second rope 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE Powerbomb -- no! The other AAB is going to the top. SPIKE PILEDRIVER! 1... 2... No! Singleton just got the shoulder up. Both AABs perch themselves on oppsite corners, like two bald eagles. Simon slowly gets up, tries to shake away the cobwebs. He stumbles his way midring. The AABs execute duel SHOULDERBLOCKS, a.k.a. INFINITE JUSTICE! COLE Did you see that?! AAB II nailed him from the front, AAB III from the back. 1... 2... 3! Ned comes off the top (with quite a bulge in his backside) with a knee to the back of the head. * DING DING DING * The crowd ERUPTS. COLE They did it! Did they? CABOOSE The ref's waving it off. COLE Why? W-What's going on. Nick Patrick explains what happened with the AABs. He motions somebody coming off the top and keeps putting his shoulder up. The AABs stand around, looking at each other as the referee goes over to Michael Buffer. CABOOSE Oh. I think what he's explaining is Ned come off the top just as Simon got his shoulder up -- breaking up the count two different ways. With the impact of Ned's blow, the timekeeper must not of heard whether or not there was a 3 count, and rang the bell prematurely. COLE Well, it's happened before. COACH I'm sure you speak from firsthand experience. As Patrick converses with Buffer, Ned sneaks up before the AABs and POUNDS them with a TENNIS RACKET! COLE How the hell did Ned get access to a tennis racket? Cornette was ejected long ago. CABOOSE I'm sure there's a logically explaination. I know I saw a fan at ringside, wearing an AAB mask, with a tennis racket. He must've tried to enter the ring, Ned -- risking his own safety for the safety of others -- stopped him. COLE So what posessed him to hit the AABs from behind? The devil? CABOOSE Jingus & The Sadist weren't ever ringside. I'm sure Ned was trying to ask AAB II or III if they lost a tennis racket, when the AABs threatened physicial harm, Ned used the racket. COLE You have an answer for everything, don't you? CABOOSE I am a former -- and first-ever -- 2-time OAOAST World's champion. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, referee Nick Patrick has informed me the timekeeper rang the bell prematurely. Simon Singleton got his shoulder up before the 3 count, and before Ned came off the top to break up the count. Therefore, this match WILL CONTINUE! Ned tosses the racket as Nick turned around. The Midnights whip AAB II into the ropes -- double team FLAPJACK! Ned holds up AAB III, drills a knee into the gut -- Simon with a swinging neckbreaker. Again the Midnights whip an AAB into the ropes, this time number III. FLAPJACK onto his fallen partner. NNMX head to the corner. Simon goes to the top, Ned places one hand on Simon's thigh, the other on his chest, and thrusts forward. THE ROCKET LAUNCHER! 1... 2... 3! * DING DING DING DING * BUFFER The winners of the match, the New New Midnight Express! CABOOSE I gotta admit, referee Nick Patrick called one helluva match. That's why he's with the OAOAST. COLE Earlier, you were saying how he hand no control of the situation. CABOOSE Hey, so I was wrong. We all make mistakes. I don't make as many, but we all do. COLE Let's take a look at the replay, presented by Spider-Man 2, now in theaters. SLINGIN' INTO ACTION REPLAY PRESENTED BY SPIDER-MAN 2 Referee Nick Patrick pulled out his referee's license. Cornette rips it away and looks over it. "Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. I see. All right. All clear. An earlier Merry Christmas to the best referee in the OAOAST." With a smile on his face Cornette politely hands the license back to the referee. Half-heartedly returning the smile, Nick heads over to ring announcer Michael Buffer. Patrick ejects Cornette, sending him in a fit. Slamming his tennis racket to the floor. COLE That's how Ned found the racket. Cornette must've slammed it there on purpose. CABOOSE Cole, you're not Oliver Stone, so enough with your little theories. COACH By the way, I actually have a role in Stone's new picture -- AS. I play myself. CABOOSE You always play with yourself. COACH Hey, I'm down to masterbating 3 times a day. COLE Look at this! NNMX have attacked the All-American Boys. Referee Nick Patrick is trying to break it up but Simon -- did you see that? Simon just smack the tennis racket across the back of Nick Patrick. That's $5,000 right there. Simon and Ned take turns hammering the AABs with the racket. Oh! Ned just drove the BUTT of the racket right into AAB III's groin. Simon whips AAB II off the ropes. He (Simon) drops down, AAB III hops over him... BAM! AAB II gets a face full of racket. To the top Simon goes, where he'll land everyone knows. 90210 (Legdrop from the top). The Midnights look into the camera, saying the belts will be theirs. COLE We'll be right back. GO TO BREAK RETURN FROM BREAK COLE Fans, while we were at break, a major event occured backstage involving the New New Midnight Express & the OAOAST tag team champions, Black T. Actions speak louder than words. So we'll show you the footage. MOMENTS AGO BROUGHT TO YOU BY TIVO CLOSE UP: DRESSING ROOM DOOR NNMX The camera pulls back as enthusiastic cheering echos throughout the backstage area. Sarcastic Simon & Narcissistic Ned appear from afar, rather blurry. The picture clears up as NNMX near. Simon & Ned are pumping their fists in celebration, then stop as they notice the camera station at their dressing room. NED You got a problem? CAMERAMAN No, sir. NED What are you doing hear, then? SIMON Probably trying to catch Jimmy with a banana. CAMERAMAN I was told to be here. I don't want any problems. The Midnights enter the room and see their manager Jim Cornette laid out, in a pool of his own blood, right in the center of the room. Pieces of glass are also laying around. SIMON & NED Jim? Once the Midnights near James E., they look into the mirror and see a message written in lipstick: "Black T was here. P.S: Don't turn around." Sure enough, NNMX turn around -- TWO THUDS! Both men go down courtesy of BLACK T & STEEL CHAIRS. Dan & T-Bod slam Simon against the wall, and throw Ned across the room. The Champs then pick up Cornette. Jivin' J.R. enters the frame, large bandage above his right eye. He RIPS the bandage off. Stitches. J.R. (to Cornette, pointing towards stitches:) You see this, you sonofabitch?! J.R. slaps a bloodied James E., then reaches into his pants! He pulls out a FLY SWATTER. WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! Black T toss Cornette aside like... J.R. A sack of potatoes. DAN It's on us, gentlemen. COACH Ooh, baby! It's gettin' hot, hot, hot in the tag division. CABOOSE It's all about the titles, boys. Of course, you two wouldn't know anything about it because you haven't been the hunter or the hunted like I have. Having one of those titles is harder than it seems. Trust me, I know. COLE Next week will be the 2 year anniversary of when you lost the OAOAST Championship to Alfdogg. CABOOSE A dark day in the world's history. COLE Onto the show.

Woah! I'm back and about $100 poorer. I can post the show. Unless Hoff really really really wants to do it.

Don't send anything to me, I won't be here to post it.

Day one of the show takes place inside. When I thought of a PPV in a prison I envisioned it taking place in the cell block that looks like this: The wrestlers will enter from a makeshift entrance way at the end of the hall way, and the fans would be in the cells. The ring will be in the center of the hallway (Pretend the hall way is wider then it looks and that'll allow for more hardcore stuff.).Triple C will be in a cell also to call the action (but their cell wouldn't be locked). If you want to get detailed, picture cameras on the top row of cells as well as on the bottom. By the by, that's a pic of a cell block in Alcatraz. Day two takes place in the prison yard. Like Zack said there will be sets of bleachers around the ring. Think of it as a low budget indy show in a prison yard.

Well, it'll have a ring. As for the crowd when I conceived of the idea I figured it would be held in a state prison and rowdy inmates would be the "fans". However Alcatraz is no longer a functioning penitentiary meaning it has no inmates.

Get off my nuts. It should be noted that although the second half of the match (When AJ comes in) was finished over a period of five or six hours, I actually only spent twenty minutes writing it. Maybe less.

Clickable Smilies

The "Saints & Sinners" world tour continues as Logan and Synth share a big announcement with Mean Gene. Provided my character isn't killed off at War Games, anyone (face or heel) is welcome to have a match with Northstar.

Since there's nothing to do until the mall opens, I guess I'll leave feedback. I was surprised to get as many quality matches as I did as I figured most people would be more focused on the PPV and not on this show. Hoff and Papa did a nice job with the Bryte/Stevens promo. The interplay between the ego tripping Bryte and the respectful ex-jobber Chris Stevens was well done and rather funny. Solid promo by AJ. I put it as the opener because I was hoping it would give the show a somewhat intense and serious feel as the final HD~! before the GAB. I think I know who the mystery man is for LP's match. If I'm wrong I'm gonna be pissed, because I hate being wrong! Anyway everything else was good, but Starmaker really stood out as the segment of the night with Zack's promo at the end of the main event a close second.

(Return from break) COLE It's now time for a HUGE preview to Sunday night's War Games battle, as Crystal, Sly Sommers, and Northstar will do battle with all three members of the Thrillogy! COACH Everyone here has their own distinct feuds and battles that they want to wage, but the teamwork that they'll have to display tonight will have to stay until Sunday, as you can't win War Games by yourself. CABOOSE And let's not forget that, by the end of this night, the Thrillogy WILL reveal their fourth member! And let me tell you, this guy is one to be reckoned with! COLE If you know who he is, why don't you tell us? CABOOSE Um...I don't want to! COACH Anyway, let's go to the ring! ("Nothing" starts up, and Zack Malibu, Calvin Szechstein, and Hoff come out on the aisleway, with Candie following them.) BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with TV time remaining as its time limit. Introducing first, weighing in tonight at a combined weight of 665 pounds...they are the team of Calvin Szechstein, the 24/7 Champion Hoff, and the OAOAST World Champion Zack Malibu....they are the THRIIIIIIIILLLLOOOOOGY! COLE As much as I hate them, if you were to ask me to put together an OAOAST Dream Team based on skill and chemistry, these three would be it. ("Set It Off" starts up, and Crystal, Northstar, and Sly run down to the ring...) BUFFER And their opponents... The opposition don't waste any time, as they slide into the ring and pounce down upon the Thrillogy with fists a-fury. *DING* *DING* Repeated punches to the faces of the Thrillogy members send them back to the ropes. Crystal, Sly, and Northstar then perform triple stereo Irish whips to send them to the other side. The Thrillogy reverse all three Irish whips, but the faces leapfrog the Thrillogy on the way back. Crystal, Sly, and Northstar come off of the ropes on the other side, and slide underneath their opponents' legs. The Thrillogy then turn around and walk right into triple-stereo superkicks! COLE What action thus far! Zack and Calvin go flying to the outside, while a dazed Hoff stays inside of the ring. Crystal goes for a kick to Hoff's mid-section, but he grabs her foot and flips her over. Right then, Sly and Northstar charge at Hoff and send him over the top rope and to the floor with a double-clothesline! The Thrillogy then regroup on the floor, as Sly, Crystal, and Northstar pump up the crowd and themselves inside of the ring! COACH Sly, Crystal, and Northstar are ON tonight! The referee won't let the Thrillogy's competition go to the floor to break up their meeting of the minds, so they frustratedly have to wait in the ring. They decide to let Northstar start off in the match, as the Thrillogy go to their corner and let Calvin start. Both men lock up collar-and-elbow style, and Calvin brings Northstar down and over with an armdrag, and then mockingly does jumping jacks. Northstar brushes it off and gets up. Both men then lock up again, and Northstar wins the struggle with an armdrag of his own. He then mocks Cal with jumping jacks of his own. COACH Turnabout is fair play. Calvin angrily gets to his feet and charges at Northstar. But, Northstar sidesteps and then dives over to bring him down with a schoolboy........1.........2.......kickout! Northstar immediately hooks Calvin in a front facelock as he rolls out of the pin. Calvin twists himself out and reverses with a wristlock. Northstar then rolls forward and reverses with a wristlock of his own. Calvin then tries the same, but Northstar rolls with him to keep the wristlock on. CABOOSE Isn't that cheating in British Columbia? Calvin eventually gets out of the hold by scoring with a single-leg takedown. But, Northstar immediately kips up and shoves Calvin down in the process. Calvin gets up and charges at Northstar, but gets hiptossed for his troubles. Calvin comes back up to his feet and walks into a dropkick. He comes back up again and gets armdragged, which Northstar then transitions into an armbar on the mat. COLE Arm-BAR! Calvin kips up, but Northstar keeps ahold of the arm and armdrags him over again. Calvin comes back up and charges at Northstar, but Northstar leapfrogs. Calvin comes off of the ropes, but gets caught with a go-behind into a backslide.......1........2........kickout! Both men back up, and Northstar immediately scores with a small package......1...........2.......kickout! Northstar hops up, grabs Calvin in a front facelock, and drags him to the corner, where he tags in Sly. Calvin immediately slithers out, runs to his corner, and tags in Hoff. COLE I think Calvin might be a little...afraid of Sly. Hoff sticks his hand in the air, wanting a Greco-Roman knucklelock. Sly teases throwing his hand up to lock knuckles, but then dropkicks Hoff to send him back to the ropes. Sly then lights Hoff up with a series of chops. He then goes for the Irish whip, but Hoff reverses. Hoff lifts Sly on the way back and brings him over with a snap powerslam. Hoff then stomps Sly on the back and pulls him up. Hoff lifts Sly above his head, and scores with a Gorilla press toss! COACH What power by the big man! Hoff pulls Sly up and tosses him into a neutral corner. Hoff then goes to the center of the ring, charges forward, and nearly caves in Sly's chest with a clothesline! Hoff then grabs Sly by the under-arm and tosses him to the center of the ring! Hoff lifts Sly up, puts him over his right shoulder, and drops him with a snap Bulldog Slam. Hoff goes for the pin... 1... 2... kickout. Hoff tosses him into the Thrillogy corner, and charges his shoulder into Sly's stomach twice. Hoff then tags out to Zack. Zack goes to one knee, and Hoff slams Sly back-first onto the knee. Zack then pulls Sly up and slams him to the mat. Zack comes off of the ropes and connects with a power drive elbow drop. Zack immediately gets up and nails a jumping legdrop right across Sly's throat. Zack goes for the cover............1...........2..........kickout! Zack pulls Sly up and delivers a forearm strike to the side of his face. CABOOSE That's the way to do it! Zack then gives Sly an STO Backbreaker, pulls him up, and shoves him into the Thrillogy corner. Zack connects with three side shin kicks to Sly's stomach before tagging out to Hoff again. Zack pulls Sly to the center of the ropes and whips him off. Sly comes off of the ropes, Zack leapfrogs Sly, and Sly runs right into a stiff clothesline from Hoff! COLE Ouch! Hoff goes for the cover.... 1... 2... Kickout. Hoff then grabs Sly with both hands by the throat and tosses him into the Thrillogy corner. Hoff then charges with a corner avalanche, but Sly ducks and Hoff misses. Hoff then backsteps into a schoolboy........1......2......kickout. Hoff rolls backwards onto his feet and connects with a stiff rising clothesline. Hoff keeps ahold of Sly by the wrist and tags in Calvin. COACH Nice to see that Calvin will only tag in when his fears are wiped out. Calvin kicks Sly in the head before Hoff lifts Sly up. Hoff then hooks Sly in a reverse facelock and nails a reverse suplex. Calvin then comes off of the ropes and connects with a falling fistdrop to the spine. Calvin pulls Sly up, and lifts and drops him with a side suplex. Calvin keeps ahold of Sly, gets to his feet, and drops Sly with a second side suplex. Calvin keeps ahold of Sly again, pulls him up, and brings him down with a Russian legsweep. CABOOSE Tremendous chain of maneuvers there by Calvin... Cal goes for the cover... 1.... 2... Kickout. Calvin pulls Sly up, leans him against the ropes, and connects with two European uppercuts. He then lifts Sly up and slams him down with a sitdown Catatonic. Calvin pulls Sly up and brings him over with a bridging Northern Lights suplex... 1... 2... Kickout. Calvin pulls Sly up and goes for a suplex, but Sly connects with two punches to the stomach after blocking the suplex, and reverses it into a front-fall neckbreaker. Calvin crawls away holding his neck as Sly's still dazed, and is able to tag in Hoff. Sly gets up and charges at Hoff to go for a monkey flip, but he overleaps and Hoff is able to reverse it into a waterwheel slam (Alabamaslam). Hoff keeps ahold of Sly's ankle and rolls him backwards and back onto his feet. He then whips Sly off to the ropes, and sends him down with a jumping shoulderblock. CABOOSE This is getting pathetic! COLE Sly's back must be hurting bad right now. Hoff pulls Sly to a sitting position and kicks him in the spine before pulling him back to his feet. Hoff then hooks Sly's arms, and nails a butterfly backbreaker. Hoff goes for the pin... 1.... 2.... Rope break. Hoff then pulls Sly up, and lifts him for a suplex. He holds Sly in the air for over ten seconds before dropping him. Hoff then keeps ahold of Sly and turns it over. Hoff hooks Sly's leg and lifts him in fisherman's position. He holds Sly in that position for about ten seconds before briding back with the fisherman's suplex... 1... 2... Kickout! Hoff lifts Sly up and locks in a bearhug. As he squeezes the life out of Sly, he mockingly steps to the faces' corner to offer them a tag in before quickly stepping backwards. Hoff then turns around, charges forward, and gores Sly into the Thrillogy corner. Hoff then tags in Zack. Zack and Hoff whip Sly off to the ropes. Hoff knees Sly in the gut on the way back, and Zack nails a jumping knee to the side of Sly's head. Zack pulls Sly up as Hoff leaves the ring, and nails the Hero Sandwich #2 (Catatonic backbreaker)! COACH Nice move, as much as I hate the guy doing it... Zack then floats over into a camel clutch. Zack cranks it in as Sly reaches outward. Sly can't get to the ropes, so he slowly starts to make his way to his feet. He clutches Zack in a piggyback position as he gets to both knees. He then rises to his feet, and falls backwards! Sly lets go, and both men slowly crawl to their corners... COLE Come on, Sly! You can do it! Zack tags out to Calvin, as Sly tags out to Northstar! Both men come into the ring, and Northstar clotheslines Calvin down. Northstar pulls Calvin up and whips him off to the ropes. He lifts Calvin and nails a high back-body drop. Calvin gets up and walks into a bodyslam. Calvin pops back up and gets sent back down with a punch to the face. Northstar pulls Calvin up and whips him to the ropes. Northstar then his a snap powerslam! He pulls Calvin up and nails a snap suplex. COLE It seems as if Northstar's had Calvin's number the entire match! Northstar pulls Calvin up and tags in Crystal. They both whip Calvin off to the ropes. Calvin then runs into a double-boot to the stomach. They then come off of the ropes on opposite ends of the ring, and sandwich Calvin's head with dropkicks. He goes down. Crystal goes up top. When Calvin stumbles to his feet, Crystal connects with a top rope missile dropkick! COLE niceNICE! Calvin stumbles to his feet in a bent position, and Crystal nails a flipping neckbreaker. Crystal pulls Calvin up, and whips him off to the ropes. She then sends him back down with a flying forearm. She goes for the cover... 1... 2... Kickout. Crystal then pulls Calvin up, and goes for a reverse DDT. But, Calvin twists around and reverses with a reverse suplex. Calvin shakes himself off as both competitors get to their feet. Calvin then delivers a series of stiff chops to Crystal's chest that send her flying back into the Thrillogy's corner. Calvin then grabs his crotch in the direction of Sly and Northstar, causing them to come in and distract the referee in the process. Zack and Hoff then enter the ring. Hoff lays down on his back with his knees up, and Zack and Calvin bring her down chest-first onto them with a flapjack. COACH Brutal! Hoff slaps his hands in the air as the other two leave the ring to signal a fake tag as the referee turns around. Hoff then pulls Crystal up and stands her up using the ropes. He then connects with three stiff forearm strikes to her chest. He then whips her off to the ropes. She gets a slight wind and goes for a bodypress, but Hoff catches her, and twists her from slam position to drop her with a suplex. CABOOSE That's how a man does things! Hoff goes for the pin... 1... 2... Kickout. Hoff then lifts Crystal up by the throat and lifts her with a gorilla press. He then drops her with a vicious gutbuster! Hoff then puts her head in between his legs, lifts her and slams her down with a huge powerbomb! He keeps ahold of her legs, and lifts her in spinebuster position. He then drives her down with an Angry Man Slam (front spinebuster)! COACH DAMN! Hoff then pulls her off of the mat in slam position, and tosses her with a fallaway slam! Hoff goes for the pin... 1... 2... Kickout. Hoff then pulls her up with a front facelock. He then hooks her arm and slams her down with a single-underhook suplex. Hoff rolls through, pulling Crystal up with him, hooks her differently, and nails a standing uranage slam (chokeslam-like Rock Bottom)! Hoff then stalls while pulling Crystal up by the hair. He then whips her off to the ropes. She ducks a clothesline attempt, comes back, and scores with an incredible flying headscissors into a tornado DDT! COACH What agility! Both competitors get to their feet, and Crystal connects with a jumping enziguri to the back of Hoff's head! Crystal then whips a dazed Hoff to the ropes. When he hits the ropes, Calvin blindly tags himself in. Crystal dives at Hoff, but he catches her. Calvin then springboards to the top rope, and him and Hoff nail a version of the Hart Attack on Crystal! Calvin then cockily covers her... 1... 2... Rope Break. Calvin pulls her up, and whips her to the ropes. He catches her with a punch to the stomach. He then comes off of the ropes on the side, and nails a running kick to the side of her head. The impact makes her spin around, and she walks right into a Flatliner. Calvin then turns her over and nails a jumping kneedrop across her throat. He then kneels down with his shin across her throat. He gets up at the referee's four-count, despite denying any choke. CABOOSE He wasn't choking her, you biased idiot! Calvin pulls Crystal up, and nails a butterfly suplex. Calvin then rolls through and locks in a Misawa facelock (butterfly lock). Calvin then yells something involving the f-word at the faces, and that causes Northstar to try and come into the ring. As the referee is distracted, Zack Malibu enters the ring and stomps on Crystal's back as she's in the Misawa facelock. COLE Turn around, ref! Calvin runs outside of the ring as the referee turns around to see Zack pinning Crystal... 1... 2... Kickout! COACH He didn't even tag in! Zack angrily pulls her up and slams her over with an Exploder suplex. He goes for the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Malibu tosses her by the hair into the Thrillogy corner and tags out to Hoff. Hoff goes to the center of the ring. As she rises to her feet, he charges at her and delivers a brutal charging back elbow to her face! Hoff then lifts her and brings her down with a Samoan Drop. Hoff lazily goes for the cover... 1... 2... Kickout. Hoff pulls her up and whips her off to the ropes. He goes for a tilt-a-whirl slam, but she reverses it into an octopus hold! But, Hoff uses his power to reverse that into the side slam. Hoff then pulls her up by the wrist and delivers a short-arm clothesline! Hoff pulls her up again, and gives her an even stiffer short-arm clothesline. Hoff pulls her up by the wrist once more, and gives her a third short-arm clothesline! COLE A Trifecta of OUCH! Hoff pulls her up, puts her hand in between her legs, and drops her with a Wrist Clutch Exploder! Hoff then pulls her up and drags her to the Thrillogy corner, where he tags Zack in. Zack and Hoff whip her off to the ropes, where they catch her with a Harris Bros.-style H-Bomb, but spin her onto her face. Zack then locks in a crossface submission. Crystal slowly fights her way to the ropes. Zack tries putting the brakes on her, but he can't and she gets to the ropes! COACH Atta-girl! But, Zack doesn't let go of her. He pulls her up, locks in a cobra clutch and brings her down with an inverted Russian legsweep. Zack pulls her up and goes for a powerbomb. But, she rolls over his head and brings him over with a sunset flip... 1... 2.... Calvin breaks it up. Calvin then drags Zack over to the Thrillogy corner and tags himself in. Calvin then rushes and grabs Crystal to pull her up. He puts her on his shoulders and drops her with a TKO. He goes for the pin... 1... 2... Kickout! Calvin rolls Crystal onto her stomach. He hooks his arms around her legs, flashes a smile the sends her flying backwards with a wheelbarrow suplex! He stands up, raises his hands and leans backwards trying to soak in the cheers of the fans. CROWD You suck! You suck! You suck! Calvin turns his attention back to Crystal who’s using the ropes to pull herself up. She furiously kicks at him but Calvin effectively cuts off her weak comeback attempt by grabbing her arm pulling her towards him and kneeing her in the gut! Obviously hurt, Crystal doubles over and slowly staggers sideways. The crowds chants of “you suck” grow louder but Calvin refuses to be distracted by their ignorant claims. Instead he keeps Crystal on the defensive by clubbing her in the back. He hooks her arms, the then lifts her upside down then kneels down driving the back Crystal’s neck with an underhook pile driver. CABOOSE That’s known as the Tiger Driver 91. COACH It should be called the move that made wanna kill Calvin! CAL falls on top of Crystal for a pin 1 2 KICK OUT! The crowd breathes a sigh of relief as the ref holds up only two fingers. Surprisingly, Crystal who appeared to be off in la-la land was able to escape near defeat. Calvin doesn’t let the kick out phase him one bit. He simply picks Crystal up and whips the OAOAST’s top face into the ropes. He catches her on the rebound, spins her around in front of him so that she’s upside down. Calvin tries to hit a tilt a whirl pile driver BUT Crystal counters with an arm drag drawing a huge pop from the crowd! COACH Come on Crystal! Guys, this could be a major turning point in the match. Unaffected by such a simple move, Calvin charges at Crystal. The blonde bombshell’s waiting for him however with a boot to the gut! The other two members of the Thrillogy look on in horror as Calvin is floored with a DDT!!!! CABOOSE Calvin! You can’t let a DDT put you out! Get up! Realizing that if she doesn’t make a tag to one of her teammates, she’ll risk much more then a loss, Crystal starts a long crawl to her corner. Calvin does the same. Fortunately for the Thrillogy Calvin’s in much better shape then Crystal so he makes it to his corner quicker. He slaps hands with world champion Zack Malibu bringing him into the match! Zack rushes over to Crystal and grabs a hold of her leg. With huge effort he tries to drag her back towards the center of the ring, but the tough as nails Crystal resists! Instead of being taken back to the Thrillogy’s corner to be made into a victim, Crystal turns her body around and BOOTS Zack right in the kisser! Zack falls to ground clutching his mouth! Free from Zack’s grasp, Crystal lunges forward and makes the HOTTEST TAG to Northstar! An enormous pop greets Northstar as he enters the ring. He starts to head over to a fallen Zack but stops short when he spots Hoff coming at him with a clothesline! Northstar gives Hoff a taste of his own medicine when he catches Hoff’s arm and drives him straight to the deepest level of HELL~! with a MUTHAFUCKING ROCK BOTTOM! Hoping to avoid more punishment Hoff rolls out the ring. In his place comes Calvin! Calvin and Northstar exchange colossal punches! Calvin decides to play dirty by raking Northstar’s eyes, putting the former GM at a disadvantage. Calvin grabs the back of Northstar’s highlighted blonde and black hair and tosses him out of the ring! COLE First Hoff comes in and now Calvin? CABOOSE Team work. Team work. Sly HAS SEEN ENOUGH of this team work bullshit for one night! He storms into the ring and LEVELS his former mentor with a super kick right to the jaw! Calvin is down and he is out once Sly pushes him out of the ring! The sell out crowd is on their feet chanting Sly’s name. Sly turns his attention to Zack Malibu, who turns Sly into a Sylvi with a low blow. Sly crumples over and Zack gets up, stepping back in order to get a head start before running forward and drilling Sly in the side of the head with a ZACK ATTACK~!, knocking the boy from Bayside through the ropes and to the floor! COLE One of the legal men, Northstar is out. Sly’s out too. Does that mean Crystal has to continue for her team? CABOOSE I hope so, just so I can see that overrated silicone bag get snapped in two! Seeing that everyone is down and out around the ringside area, Malibu turns towards Crystal, who's leaning in the corner, recovering. Malibu yanks her out of the corner by her hair, mouthing off to her before shoving her head under his arm, preparing to lift her up for a certain doom known as the FALLING STAR DRIVER~!...but Crystal takes his legs out from under him, and goes for THE CRYSTALLING~!...but Malibu kicks her down with both of his feet! Zack rolls to his feet, but as soon as he's up, Crystal lunges forward, knocking the wind out of him as she surprises him with a spear! Crystal hammers Zack across the forehead, as the crowd eats it up, happy to see their one time hero getting what he deserves. Crystal gets up off Zack and raises her arms up, screaming to the crowd that adores her so...but then gets distracted by Candie, who jumps up on the apron and starts bitching Crystal out! COLE Get her down, ref! CABOOSE Speak for yourself, Queer Eye...at least let me get something worthwhile out of the women in this fed...a good old catfight! Candie continues to berate Crystal, who calmly goes over, nodding her head along with Candie's complaints...and then takes her by the hair and pulls her over the top and into the ring! The crowd is ecstatic as now the P.O.P. Princess is walking around the ring in a daze, set up just perfectly for Crystal to spear her tanned ass to hell! Candie rolls on the ring mat, clutching her ribs, and Crystal rolls her out to the floor, letting her drop down off the apron without support and crashing to the concrete below. Also outside, the recovered members of both The Thrillogy, as well as Sly and Northstar are all up on their feet, and have paired off with each other, brawling around the ringside area! The fans are on their feet as the referee has lost all control of this matchup, sliding outside of the ring and running back and forth, trying to break up the fights between the other competitors. After Candie is disposed of, Crystal turns back towards Zack, who waits on her, eyes wide, and goes for SCHOOL'S OUT~!...NO! Crystal grabs his leg, and sweeps the other one out from under him....THE CRYSTALLING~! CRYSTAL HAS IT LOCKED ON! MALIBU IS SQUIRMING LIKE MAD, BUT HE'S NOWHERE NEAR THE ROPES! Crystal leans back, putting as much pressure on as she can, knowing that she can make Zack tap, until... THE LIGHTS GO OUT~! CABOOSE Get your hand off of that, Cole. I don't swing your way. COLE Would you shut up!? What's going on here! What's with the blackout!? Suddenly, during the blackout, the sound of "Pompeii" is heard, and fans pop not due to a liking, but more out of recognition, as ST. ANDREW appears on the ramp, illuminated by a sole spotlight! COLE My God, it's Saint Andrew! Could he be the fourth man on The Thrillogy's team this Sunday? CABOOSE Why else would he be out here, you twit? Of course he is! St. Andrew, who stands silently, a stoic look on his face, then bows his head in prayer. As he does this, the lights come up... AND GIBRALTAR IS STANDING IN THE RING IN FRONT OF CRYSTAL~! COLE GIBRALTAR! COACH I don't like this Mikey! CABOOSE I do! Crystal looks up, as she still has Zack in The Crystalling...but immediately finds a huge hand wrapped around her throat, as Gibraltar yanks her up off of Zack with ease, holding her with one arm, and then chokeslamming her down to the canvas! Sly Sommers immediately slides into the ring, running towards the monster...but runs right into a big boot instead! COLE He's just decimating the fan favorites here tonight! Northstar jumps up on the apron, then climbs the turnbuckle behind Gibraltar, coming off with a missle dropkick to the back of the big man's head...and it may have moved him a step or two, maximum! Gibraltar turns around, seeing Northstar getting up, and wraps both hands around his throat, lifting him up into a neck hanging tree slam and then tossing him violently into the corner, turning Northstar's spine into Jell-O! The crowd pops loudly again, as AJ Flaire has arrived on the scene, nailing St. Andrew in the back with a steel chair and then charging down the aisle, swinging the chair like a madman! Hoff and Calvin cower away, with Hoff also blocking AJ from getting near Candie while swinging that weapon, but AJ makes a beeline for the ring, sliding under the ropes and coming up face-to-chest with Gibraltar! AJ cocks his arms back, bringing the chair around and smacking Gibraltar upside the head...and it merely draws a shrug out of the big man! AJ looks on in bewildered fear, as Gibraltar takes the chair from him, throws it aside...THEN BRINGS HIS ARM AROUND WITH A LARIAT THAT SPINS AJ INSIDE OUT! COLE My God, Zack Malibu has found a one man wrecking crew! As if he's heard Cole talking about him, a recovered Malibu staggers to the ropes, calling on Buffer to toss him the mic. Fans boo loudly and start pelting the ring with cups, hot dog wrappers, and any other garbage they have, as Zack is joined by the rest of The Thrillogy in the ring. MALIBU Well, I guess the wait is over. Hell, even those so called "journalists" on the web didn't see this one coming! Hell, I even saw one moron say that the fourth person was going to be Candie to even out the "gender issues". Idiots. Anyways, the non-important matters aside...say hello to my not so little friend, everybody! Say hello to a man, a machine, and a monster, all rolled into one. Say hello to Hell. Say hello to THE END of Sly Sommers, Northstar, AJ Flaire, and this good for nothing tramp right here! I warned you all, oh so long ago, you do NOT underestimate me! Do you know who I am? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!? Zack's psychotic plea for attention draws major boos from the crowd, as his bruised teammates, and his newfound ally stand behind him. MALIBU I am Zack Malibu. I am the World Heavyweight Champion. I am the man who makes things happen around here, and I have made a deal with the devil. I have given you Hell On Earth tonight, and the bad thing for you is that this was just a taste of what's going to happen on Sunday. This is an animal that THRIVES on war. He feeds on the blood of the innocent! Come Sunday, the war is over...and so will your lives! Malibu drops the mic, as "Nothing" starts up, with the fans jeering the hell out of the hated collection of people in the ring. COLE This Sunday, the OAOAST goes to war, and mark my words, things will never be the same! Folks, join us Sunday night for The Great Angle Bash, because it may very well be the last time you could see one of these superstars in action! (The camera shows The Thrillogy and Gibraltar exiting the ring, then pans back to the ring, showing the four fallen bodies of the babyface War Games team, that final image sticking in our head as we fade out on another edition of HeldDOWN~!) C-ya!

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! That blasted song by Lucy Woodward plays as we see the same damn video that we’ve seen for over a year. Now we go to the arena. The opening pyro does not go off, as it malfunctioned earlier killing a production assistant, and to set it off again would be a violation of state regulatory standards. Anyway the camera pans the arena but it’s out of focus so every things looks like it’s being seen through the eyes of Mr.Magoo. We’re given a crystal clear shot of the three ugliest men in wrestling, Triple C. COLE HeldDOWN is live and on the air coming to your home from Chicago, Illinois! I’m Michael Cole flanked by the Coach and Caboose! CABOOSE Cole, the Great Angle Bash is this Sunday live on pay per view but tonight we have a PPV quality match for our mainevent as the Thrillogy squares off against Crystal, Sly Sommers and Northstar. COACH But right now we kick it off with uh...I don't know! Cue: ‘Man in the Box’ by Alice in Chains Everyone in the area rises to their feet and cheers as ‘The Phenomenal One’ makes his way through the curtain and onto the entrance ramp. He pauses at the top of the ramp to soak in the adulation of the crowd as Michael Buffer announces his name. BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome a true superstar in the OAOAST, the man who held the X Division Championship for over six months, The Phenomenal One... A. J. FLAIIIREEEEEEEE!! COLE AJ Flaire participating in his very first Pay Per View Main Event this Sunday, and he told me earlier today that he couldn’t wait for the opportunity. COACH Why is he out here now then Michael? I know he was scheduled to be out here, but we haven’t actually been told why. CABOOSE Well clearly he’s going to forfeit his spot in the Main Event guys; he can’t possibly be one hundred percent. Why do you think he hasn’t wrestled in over four weeks? COLE That’s a very good point Caboose, AJ Flaire with that injured back that was damaged even further at School’s Out last month when he lost his coveted X Division Championship to Rick Edwards. AJ walks gingerly down the ramp, slapping a few hands on the way, before walking up the ring steps and stepping into the ring, and grabbing the microphone off Michael Buffer and making a motion for his music to be cut. COACH Well, it looks like we are about to find out why The Phenomenal One is out here. AJ takes a deep breath, before soaking in the fans adulation as they continue to chant ‘A-J! A-J!’ AJ Well, here I am. This is the first time I have been out to this ring to address you fans about my situation. You’ve all heard it on the dirt sheets; it’s made the rounds all over the internet. I’ve read all the rumors, and I’ve seen all the headlines. “AJ Flaire to retire before The Great Angle Bash”. “AJ Flaire to have back surgery”. “AJ Flaire has been advised not to wrestle in his first Pay Per View Main Event”. CABOOSE See! I told you! He’s going to pull out! COLE What a huge blow to his team this would be. AJ Well I can be the first to tell you tonight, the truth. The truth is, I have been told time and time again that my back needs surgery. I have been told time and time again that I should retire from active competition. I have even been told that every time I step into this ring, I am risking permanent paralysis. COACH Wow, so it is true. AJ And I want to be the first person to come out here and tell you people the truth about my status in War Games this Sunday. The truth is… that I don’t give a fuck about what any doctor tells me! The crowd pops HUGE, and the ‘A-J! A-J!’ chant starts up loudly again. AJ I am SICK of doctors, and nurses, and specialists, and family, and friends, and EVERRY FUCKING PERSON I MEET TELLING ME WHAT TO DO. I do this (points to ground) until I die. I wrestle until I am unable to wrestle. If that means I eventually can’t walk, so be it. I do this for each and every one of you, and I hate to get all soppy and shit, but you people are the reason that I don’t care if I can’t walk. Because as long as I have a breath in my body, as long as I am able to step into this ring. As long as I am able to entertain you people… I will still be out here giving it my all. CABOOSE Stupid, stupid, stupid. COLE I hate to agree with you Caboose, but this may not be the greatest move by AJ Flaire. AJ So this Sunday, at The Great Angle Bash, I will be in my first ever Pay Per View Main Event. I will give it my best shot. And Thrillogy, you’d better believe that I’m coming to beat your asses down, and PROVE that I am able to hang with the big boys. Now that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is Fucking Phenomenal. Cue: ‘Man in the Box’ by Alice in Chains COACH Well it may not be a smart move, but you can’t help but admire the guts and determination of AJ Flaire, the longest reigning X Division Champion in history. COLE I agree Coach, AJ is determined to make a name for himself as a Main Event player this Sunday, even if it means that he risks his very life in this ring. CABOOSE I reiterate stupid stupid stupid. AJ climbs out of the ring and starts to walk back up the ramp, slapping hands on the way back up, before posing at the top of the ramp to a great crowd reaction. He then goes through the curtain, as his music keeps blaring. COLE What else can happen on HeldDown? We are three days away from Bash time! CABOOSE I know what can happen on HeldDOWN, backstage skits. (Earlier this week) (We open on a scene of a hospital room where Rick Edwards is sitting next to Judas’ bed.) RICK I’m sorry about last week man. I didn’t want you getting caught up in all this mess. JUDAS I got myself caught up in this mess and for a good reason. RICK What do you mean? JUDAS What I was trying to tell you last week before your new bodyguard tried to kill me was that Leah is my friend. RICK What the hell? You mean I have you to blame for this? JUDAS Wait! Hear me out. She’s my friend and when I heard you were the one coming to strong arm her into dropping her lawsuit I told her not to go easy on you. She really did have a crush on you and she really cares. I might have fanned the flame just a little bit on this crush of hers, but you needed someone to give you a wakeup call. RICK I don’t need a wakeup call. I already had a wakeup call and look where it got me. JUDAS A bitter man who whines too much? RICK No, it got me to the X-Division Title and that’s more than I had before. JUDAS But you still aren’t happy. RICK Happiness is overrated. I’ve got what I need right now and I’m making it just fine. JUDAS Ha! When are you going to open your eyes? You’re being used and you know it. The Boss and J. Arthur have made you their puppet. You say you changed to separate yourself from Father, but you’ve found yourself right back under the control of someone else. RICK You’re wrong…I…no that’s not how it is at all. *J. Arthur Edwards walks in* JUDAS What the hell is he doing here? J. ARTHUR Hey buddy don’t forget who helped you beat Father back in January! You owe me… JUDAS I don’t owe you shi… RICK Both of you just drop it. J. ARTHUR Where’s Cain? RICK I told him to wait in the car. He doesn’t need to be here. He’s the one that broke Judas’ ribs in the first place! *A nurse walks in and sees everyone standing around.* NURSE Wow…who are you friends? JUDAS I hate him *points at JAE* and I sometimes can stand him *points at Rick* so I wouldn’t say friends. *The nurse turns to look at them.* NURSE Rick! RICK Do I know you? NURSE I was the nurse who helped you when you were in the hospital with a broken leg remember? You hit on me a few times. RICK Oh yeah…Judy right? NURSE Yeah. You know I thought about you the other day. Some girl came in here asking about your stay here. RICK Oh great. I wonder who that was. *Rolls his eyes* NURSE Yeah she was a little odd and she took one of our guestbooks. RICK She did what? NURSE She… *BEEEEEEEEEEEP* J. ARTHUR Oh my God he’s flat lining!!! JUDAS What!? I’m fine! *The nurse walks over to the heart monitor and plugs it back in.* NURSE Did you unplug this!? J. ARTHUR No!! Come on Rick we need to go! *Rick looks confused before following JAE out the door.* NURSE What a dumbass. (Fade Out)

(Return from break) The ring has experience quite a transformation. 3 men are sitting at a custom-built table ringside. A disco ball hangs above, and a well-known metrosexual stands in the ring. Two plasma screen TVs read "OAOAST STARMAKER." COLE Fans, we don't know what's going on. "Starmaker"? CABOOSE I know what this is, you completely idiotic excuse for a play-by-play commentator. In association with Black T Enterprises, the OAOAST presents STARMAKER. A new hit reality show so big, you have to scream the name STARMAKER! COLE Now it all makes sense. The Saints are nothing more than hired hitmen for the Tag Champs. Why couldn't they-- CABOOSE I can't believe how you repeatedly slander our World Tag Team Champions. They restored the tag division to heights we've never seen. Sunday night they'll defeat Hoss 'R Us, and retire as the champs in 2010. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome the host of OAOAST Starmaker...the lost soul of "American Idol", a man who's completely dropped off the face of the earth until now...Brian Dunkleman! DUNKLEMAN Thank you. Welcome to OAOAST STARMAKER! Pryo shoots off from all over the place, as the lights dim and multi-colored spotlights flash over the ring. DUNKLEMAN (CONT'D) I'm your host -- the man who kept Ryan Seacrest straight for the first season of American Idol -- Brian "Do you remember me?" Dunkleman. The rules to the show are very. There will be 3 performances. Each to be critique by our guest panel. But you -- the fans -- will vote on who's the winner at the end of each contest. Let's me the judges now. First, before there were all the boy bands, there was the original -- the Jackson 5. When it comes to the Jacksons, none of them are sane. Please welcome Jermaine Jackson! JERMAINE (waving to the crowd, then points to BD) What's up, dawg? Great to be here. DUNKLEMAN Thanks for being here. You know we have another JJ coming out shortly? JERMAINE Oh, yeah! The family, especially Michael, are big GPX fans. As a matter of fact, we've invited them to Michael's hideaway. DUNKLEMAN We couldn't get Paula, but we got somebody even bigger. Ladies and gentlemen, the all-time leading scorer in NBA history, Kareem Abdul Jabar! The big 7 footer politely waves to the fans. KAREEM Please to be here. I look forward to it. DUNKLEMAN Looks like your record's safe, Kareem. KAREEM Yeah. It's a shame what happened to Karl, but somebody will break that record. DUNKLEMAN And our final judge, our toughest critic, Batman's Cowl. Welcome. All that's there is Batman's Cowl on a stick. No person or anything. DUNKLEMAN Ooh, he's tough. Have any of you ever seen the OAOAST before? All the judges shake their heads no except Batman's Cowl, who remains still. DUNKLEMAN Well, you're in for a treat. Our contestants are two of the most charismatic teams in the world. So let's bring 'em out. First, from Sin City, Las Vegas, Nevada, the Heavenly Rockers -- The Saints! The Saints strut all the way to the ring, singing along to their theme, "Party All the Time." They climb the second rope and point to each other in a cool, confident matter. DUNKLEMAN And their opponents, they love to party up and throw down, Scotty Static & Johnny "Jam" Jackson -- the Global Party Xchange! The girls in attendence scream like crazy as "Make Her Say" by O-Town kicks up. GPX walk to the ring, slapping the fans' hands. A couple of girls almost pull Scotty into the crowd, but security is able to pull him back. Jokingly JJ jumps into the crowd and lets the girls mug him. He playfully screams before jumping over the guardrail. Scotty's eyes widen, he points below JJ's waist while covering his mouth with his hand, holding back the laughter. Johnny looks down to see he no longer has shorts on, only his GPX boxers (now available on OAOASTshopzone.com). He looks over to the crowd and sees his shorts being held up by a husky woman, like a soilder holds up their flag in victory. With smiles on their faces GPX enter the ring. DUNKLEMAN By winning the coin toss earlier today, the Saints have elected to go first. They'll be singin' their hit-single "Suck Me, Fuck Me, Make it Ooze" off their 3rd CD "Rockin' With the 'Birds". The Saints dance and demostrate the suggestive parts of their song. Bitch, you really let down makin' me wonder why we split Did ya really think I'd go that quick? Ev-v-v-ery night thinking of you, masterbating -- one hand, double hand, heartbeat of America, thinking of you I dropped out of school just be with you But let me tell you, all I ever wanted was to hear you say, "Suck Me, Fuck Me, Make it Oooze!" Missionary, doggie-style, cowgirl, on your side, even anal I would of given you anything just to make you scream "Suck Me, Fuck Me, Make it Ooze" The Saints get on one knee and raise their arms -- pryo explodes from the ringposts. The crowd boos. DUNKLEMAN How'd you think it went? LOGAN I thought it was smokin'! Synth & I worked hard on this and we think we nailed it. DUNKLEMAN Now to the important part. Let's start with Jermaine Jackson. JERMAINE Yo, dawg, that was killer. The vocals, the choreography, everything clickin'. Awesome. DUNKLEMAN Kareem. KAREEM The song itself was rather suggestive, but it was really good. Quick and to the point. You're going to be stars. The Saints nod their heads. DUNKLEMAN Batman's Cowl? BATMAN'S COWL ... DUNKLEMAN Uh-oh. I take it you weren't very pleased? The Saints have some choice words for BC. DUNKLEMAN GPX, it's yours now. They'll be singin' "Make Her Say" by O-Town. GPX walk around ringside, serenading many of the females there. In a world of posers, phonies and pure wannabes, There finally emerges a group which has come to set the record straight. So, all you suckers better recognize - Ya heard? Can you say say uh uh uh, nah nah nah CHORUS: Make her say uh uh nah nah nah nah Wanna make her say uh uh nah nah nah nah Wanna make her say uh uh uh uh nah nah nah nah Wanna Make her say uh uh uh uh - Nah nah nah nah nah Hey, outta New Orleans - I met a fly girl, she's about nineteen In the third row, cornrows - Dancin slow - She's as cool as an Eskimo. Yo ... oh no I think she's feelin' my flow I said come on baby girl - Let's meet up after the show At the ho-tel mo-tel Holiday Inn - Baby that's when the story begins Oh no She's got - everything I want in a girl I know, I could take her round the world She's just standin' there and all I wanna do is CHORUS: Make her say uh uh nah nah nah nah Wanna make her say uh uh nah nah nah nah Wanna make her say uh uh uh uh nah nah nah nah - Nah nah nah nah Wanna Make her say uh uh uh uh - Nah nah nah nah nah Woah .. straight out of Maxim magazine Hot girl - Livin so fresh and clean In the bio, bio Even try to cut through - All this voodoo that you do Gotta make my move tonight - Hey Could be wrong, but I think she's Mrs. Right Full sail - From the time I seen her Like the Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria Let's get, a little bit a coke, a swirl Damn right - Doubles bein' good to the girl She's just standin there and all I wanna do is CHORUS: Make her say uh uh nah nah nah nah Wanna make her say uh uh nah nah nah nah Wanna make her say uh uh uh uh nah nah nah nah Wanna Make her say uh uh uh uh - Nah nah nah nah You know what - When I seen you We're about to set this song for real Here we go .. go go go All I wanna do is make her say She had everything I want in a girl I knew - I could sing around the world Tanned skin, long brown hair Kinda girl I knew could make me say Uh uh nah nah nah nah She made me say uh uh nah nah nah nah She made me say uh uh uh uh nah nah nah nah She made me say uh uh - Nah nah nah nah Make her say uh uh nah nah nah nah She made me say uh uh nah nah nah nah She made me say uh uh uh uh nah nah nah nah She made me say uh uh Here we go, come on, come on, come on Nah nah nah nah - Uh uh uh - Nah nah nah nah In an unbelieveable turn of events, ED McMAHON has taken over hosting duties. CUT TO: STREET Brian Dunkleman, the former host of "OAOAST Starmaker" has his thumb out, attempting to land a ride. DUNKLEMAN I can't believe it happened again. CUT TO: RING McMAHON Judges? JERMAINE Cool. Very cool. KAREEM Lovely. Like two beautiful birds singing on a sunny spring day. BATMAN'S COWL ... McMAHON Speechless. Now it's time for the fans to vote. The Saints? CROWD Boo! Confused, the Saints look at each other and flip off the crowd. McMAHON The Global Party Xchange?! The crowd nearly blows the roof off the place. McMAHON The Saints receive 3-and-a-quater stars. GPX: 4 stars. The winner of the first ever OAOAST Starmaker, the Global Party Xchange! Hi-Yo! Scotty & Johnny high-five one other, only to get attacked by The Saints. Synth drives Scotty shoulder-first between the turnbuckles, sending him crashing into the steel ringpost. Synth grabs a handful of tights -- or shorts in Scotty's case -- and pulls him back into the ring... PERCUSSION (DDT). On the other side of the ring JJ fights off Logan, but Synth clips his leg from behind. Logan motions to the top. JJ gets lifted up into a powerbomb position, and Synth crashes down across his throat. ELECTRIC MELODY! Mann tells the judges to leave. He then throws JJ over-the-top rope, where he lands on the judges' table. Logan stays positioned near the table as Synth Irish Whips Scotty towards Mann, who proceeds to BACKDROP him over-the-top THROUGH THE TABLE, slamming Static across his partner Johnny! As they exit The Saints spit on the fallen GPX. COLE W-Wha-What can you say? I'm stunned. CABOOSE I'm not. Mikey, if you had read Wrestling for Dummies, you know anytime an unexpected segment takes place, you're probably gonna see somebody get their ass kicked, and that's exactly what we saw. Besides, The Saints got jobbed. Damn biased fans. COLE The Saints better share a room with Thrillogy, because come Sunday at the Great Angle Bash both groups are in for hell. GPX, Crystal, Sly Sommers, A.J. Flare and Northstar respectively. RETURN FROM BREAK We catch The Saints getting mugged by GROUPIES near their tour bus "Saints & Sinners", as the CAMERAMAN runs towards them, hoping to get a word before they leave. CAMERAMAN Saints. Saints! SYNTH We ain't doin' no interviews right now. CAMERAMAN Just a quick comment. LOGAN The executives are pleased with our work. Logan pushes the cameraman down. The Saints and their groupies enter the bus, then it drives away. (FADE OUT) (We’re taken outside of the arena where rain is pouring from the heavens above. We see Krista Isadora Duncan and her five year old daughter, Maya preparing to enter the performance venue. However they’re stopped at the door by an ungodly hairy man wearing a piss yellow security shirt. The stench emanating from his portly body makes him smell like he uses a urinal patty as deodorant.) GUARD Hold up, sweetheart. Only wresslers and staff allowed past this point. If ya wanna autograph or somethin for your kid, you gotta wait outside the car park like the rest of the ordinary Joes. KRISTA I'm not here for an autograph. GUARD. Oh. Are you a wresslers wife? Wives and girlfriends gotta go in a separate entrance, wait here and ah’ll call somebody to escort ya to one of da luxury boxes. Gimme a second to call it in. (Trying to set a good example for her impressionable daughter, Krista makes a great effort to remain calm while faced with this clueless security guard. It’s an effort that fails mightily) KRISTA No, no, no. I'm not an autograph hound and I'm not married to one of these pea brained meat heads. My name is Krista Isadora Duncan! I work here. GUARD (checking his list) Nope, you ain't on the list. Sweetheart, if yer just tryin to sneak in so ya can meet Zack Malibu, then... KRISTA I’ve met Zack, I don’t want to meet him again. I’m the list. Trust me. GUARD Yer as sneaky as ya is pretty. Ya ain’t on the list. Maya Mommy, I wanna drink of wader. I'm hot. I wanna sit down. I wanna drink of wader. KRISTA Mommy'll get you one, don't worry, Maya. Sir, can you check your list again. It's Krista with a K, not a C. GUARD Ma'am, Ah can check till the cows come home and the sun sets in the east, Ah ain’t gonna see yer name in on the list. Now, if you and yer little girl wanna meet one the wresslers, then tomorrow at Fox Valley Motorcars, The Saints’ll be appearin from 9 am to 1 pm to sign autographs and pose fer pictures. KRISTA I don't need to meet the Saints, thanks. GUARD Ya sure? (Krista sighs as she prepares to explain her case one more time.) Maya (tugging on Krista’s skirt) Mommy... (Krista turns towards Maya and shoots her a ice cold glare.) KRISTA Maya, forget about the damn water!! (A drama queen in the making, Maya drops to her knees and starts bawl her eyes out! An exhausted Krista has to use what energy she has left to console her daughter while trying to explain to the security guard that she's a member of the roster.) GUARD Lady, the show started over an hour ago. If ya were on the roster, ya woulda been here earlier. KRISTA (still trying to comfort Maya) I know, I know. I missed my flight because Maya told the security people that I had a bomb in my luggage, and they had to search me and go through my bags and find out where I lived, and if I had any ties to terrorists organizations and can I just go inside? GUARD Ya took a bomb in yer suitcase?! KRISTA No, Maya was mad because she drew me picture of Buttercup from the Power Puff Girls, but I couldn't look at it because I was arguing with the lady at the ticket counter at the airport because she couldn't find my....Oh why am I telling you this? You obviously don't care, and you're not going to let me in no matter how much I beg, so whatever.... (Krista gives up her fight and prepares to head out. Soaked by the rain, Kirsta scoops Maya into her arms. She tries to pick up her suitcase at the same time, but carrying an antsy five year old girl and a beat up five pound suitcase proves to be far to difficult a task. Maya starts to slip out of Krista's arms causing her frustrated mom to drop her luggage to the ground in order to catch her. Krista can only shake her head as she watches the zipper on the luggage come undone, and all her clothes and personal items fall into a puddle, drenching themselves in muddy water.) Maya (still crying) I wanna drink of wader. (Things start looking up just a tad when Krista's tag team partner, Alix Spezia comes running through the arena door.) ALIX Krista! GUARD (Turning towards Alix) Morning Ms.Spezia. Maya Auntie Alix! (Maya stops crying and forgets why she even was shedding tears in the first place. The little girl runs to give Alix a big hug! With Maya's arms wrapped around her waist, Alix walks over to Krista, and holds an umbrella over her while Krista bends over to pick up her stuff) ALIX Krista, where've you been? KRISTA I'm sorry, Al. ALIX The show is like almost over! I had my match already. We waited forever for you to show up! Bill Watts is pretty mad. He even chewed me out. They made me tag up with some guy named Scotty Riggs. He looked like a pirate on crack. Have you ever seen him wrestle? Are you okay? Why are your clothes in a puddle? What's Maya doing here? Why are you standing in the rain? Why are you talking to Ned the wacko bum? KRISTA (looking at the Guard(?) ) Ned the wacko bum? ALIX Oh, I didn't tell you about him? Yeah, whenever we come to Chicago Ned stands outside the arena dressed like a security guard and tells everyone who tries to enter that they aren't on his "list." Really his list is just a page from a 1970's issue of Time magazine. It got so bad with Ned and he became so diligent in his “duty”, that we have to enter on the other side of the building now. (Alix starts to chuckle, but stops short when she sees that Krista ain’t laughing) Wait, have you been out here fooling with Ned the whole time? KRISTA Alix? ALIX Yeah? KRISTA I want a drink of water. (Go to break)

(Go somewhere else) (Backstage we see Rick Edwards in the locker room talking with JAE when there’s a knock at the door.) RICK Come in! *Eddy Kalm walks in and the crowd cheers* RICK Eddy! What are you doing here? EDDY Seems I’ve been chosen to bring you the last clue about your mystery opponent. RICK Unless this clue is the name of my opponent I’ll be pissed. J. ARTHUR I thought you said you were ready for anything? RICK Shut up. EDDY Your last clue is…your opponent has not been seen in the OAOAST for few months. RICK Wait a minute!! You mean he’s not a member of the current roster!? I’ve spent the last few weeks watching videos of all the current wrestlers and he’s not even one of them!? EDDY Hey I’m just the messenger! What happened to being able to beat anyone they threw at you? RICK I can! I just…you caught me off guard! EDDY Hey I wish you all the luck on Sunday. *Eddy leaves and Rick kicks the wall* RICK Dammit! I thought once Abe was gone I wouldn’t have to deal with this crap! J. ARTHUR Don’t worry about it. You can beat anyone! RICK Yeah…anyone. *We cut back to sofa central* COLE Well there we have it. That was the last clue to the mystery opponent. He’s held a title in the OAOAST, he debuted in early 2003, and he hasn’t been seen in a few months. CABOOSE That could be any number of people. A lot of new stars debuted back then and a few of them have taken time off. How is this fair? COACH Oh boo-hoo…do you want a tissue? *Caboose quickly punches Coach in the head and knocks him from his seat.* COLE With that we’ll take a break. (Go to break) (Return from break) "It's Goin' Down" by Linkin Park feat. the X-ecutioners hits the PA system as a dim blue hue covers the arena. Smoke rolls out from the locker room, and a white strobe light flashes at the entrance. Watch them flee Watch them flee Wa...Wa...Watch them flee Hip-Hop hits *scratch* *scratch* And you do it like this! Chris Bryte steps out from the locker room followed by THE HAND~! As always, he's wearing his trademark shades as he and his bodyguard head down to ringside with purpose. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen...the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Currently coming down the aisle, accompanied by THE HAND~! He hails from Topeka, Kansas and weighs in tonight at 175 pounds...here is CHRIS...BRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYTE! COLE Chris Bryte on his way down to ringside accompanied by the ominous HAND! CABOOSE That's THE HAND, Cole! THE HAND~! COLE Whatever. The man's a monster nonetheless. Fans, we've got a bit of an impromptu match on our hands here. As we saw earlier on, there was some sort of mix-up in the locker room area. Chris Bryte thought that he was scheduled for an interview, but that wasn't the case. The interview was actually scheduled for Chris Stevens, and quite frankly, guys, Chris Bryte made an ass out of himself earlier on! CABOOSE And there you go again, Michael! You and that biased announcing. Chris Bryte is angry, and he has every right to be angry after being blatantly disrespected by the OAOAST! I mean, here's a guy who's one of the fastest-rising stars in this industry! He ended Panther's career! Ran him out of the OAOAST. He's been making waves in this company since day one, and idiots like Josh Matthews have the nerve to place some unknown, Chris Stevens, ahead of Chris Bryte?! COACH It was just an interview, Boo-Boo boy! CABOOSE First off...call me Boo-Boo again, and you're dead. Two, it was more than just an interview...it's the principle of the whole thing. Chris Bryte is the Brytest rising star in the OAOAST. Probably a future champion, and this guy Chris Stevens...if he's even employed by the end of next week, he'll be lucky! COLE Will you stop?! Let me assure you, Caboose, Chris Stevens is no slouch! He had a strong showing last week in an X-Title match against Rick Edwards! And he does have the experience advantage over Bryte! Remember: Chris Bryte is a rookie. He's only got some six months under his belt. Chris Stevens has been in the business for years, and if Bryte ends up taking this man lightly, he's gonna be walking away with another L in the win-loss column. Bryte paces back and forth in the ring as The Hand eyes the entrance intensely. Then, the opening riff of Local H's "Bound for the Floor" hits the PA system. The arena lights flash blue and white as Chris Stevens steps out from the back with a look of intensity on his face. He points into the crowd, then points at Bryte before nodding his head and starting down towards the ring. BUFFER His opponent...hailing from Rochester, Minnesota, weighing in at 221 pounds, CHRISSSS.....STEEEEEEEEEEVVVEEEEEEEEEENNNNSSSS!!!!!!! Stevens glares at The Hand as he nears the bottom of the ramp. The Hand just looks on stoically, his expression unchanging as Stevens draws closer to the ring apron. Noticing that Stevens' attention is diverted, Bryte charges forward and blasts him in the side of the head with a baseball slide, knocking Stevens to the floor. The music abruptly stops and the crowd boos as Bryte slides to the outside and begins to go to work! COLE Damn it, I can't believe this! Chris Bryte jumped the gun...attacking Chris Stevens before the bell, and now look at him go to work. Bryte muscles Stevens back to his feet and nails him with two knee lifts to the jaw, staggering him. Stevens throws a desperation right hand, but Bryte ducks and catches him with a straight kick to the midsection, sending Stevens staggering back into the cluctches of The Hand. Bryte smiles as Stevens tries to free himself from The Hand's grip! COLE C'mon, damn it! We've got two-on-one on the outside! Stevens is helpless out there! Ref, do something about this! After taking a moment to taunt the crowd, Bryte moves in with an attempted Yakuza kick, but Stevens manages to pull away, and the Hand catches it right in the chest. As Bryte mourns his mistake, Stevens grabs him, spins him around and blasts him with a hard European uppercut, to the delight of the crowd. He follows up with a second before sending the rookie into the ring. He follows him in, and the ref calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* COLE Here we go! This thing officially underway! Bryte immediately goes to a far corner, trying to keep Stevens at a distance long enough for him to gather himself. Stevens moves right in on him, however, and rattles his jaw once more with a European uppercut. He fires off two more before grabbing Bryte's arm and whipping him into the opposite buckle. Bryte manages to leap upon the second rope before making impact, and leaps back at Stevens with an attempted leg lariat, but Stevens ducks under, leaps onto the ropes himself and come off with a moonsault press to Bryte that connects! He hooks both legs... 1... 2... NO!!!! Bryte manages to free himself from the pin before the count of 3. Both men quickly return to a standing position, where Bryte charges at Stevens, only to by taken over in an armdrag. Bryte pops right back up and goes at Stevens again, only to be taken down in another armdrag. This time, Stevens bars up on the arm. He nods to the crowd to signify that he's got everything in control. COLE Chris Stevens is in control here in the early stages...and Chris Bryte is complaining about a hair pull! CABOOSE I saw that, Cole! Chris Stevens deliberately used Chris Bryte's hair to try and gain the advantage! That's grounds for a disqualification if you ask me! COLE Will you be serious?! CABOOSE I am serious! This Stevens guy is a black eye on our sport! He's a rulebreaker! A scoundrel! He's got no respect whatsoever for this business...SEE!!! LOOK AT THAT! By now, Bryte has managed to work his way up to his knees, with Stevens straddling his back as he cinches up on the armbar. At this point, he takes his left and begins to paintbrush the back of Bryte's head, drawing a loud pop from the crowd. Bryte looks pissed! CABOOSE See what I mean! That is uncalled for!! COLE Chris Bryte is getting his just desserts at the hands of Chris Stevens. The Hand looks on from the outside as Stevens winds up on an arm wringer, causing Bryte to cry out in pain. Bryte then pushes himself back to his feet, where he reverses into an arm wringer of his own, but Stevens reverses it right back, transitions into a rear hammerlock and then a side headlock takedown. Bryte's shoulders are down, and the referee counts 1...2...NO! Bryte gets his shoulder off the mat and manages to grab Stevens in a headscissors. Stevens furiously tries to kip out of the hold, but Bryte's got his legs locked tightly, preventing Stevens from doing so. Stevens takes a moment or so to regain his composure before turning into to hold, manuevering Bryte onto his back (with the scissors still applied) and allowing him to find his feet as well. Once both feet are under him, Stevens does a headstand and springs back to his feet to escape the hold. He then dives at Bryte, going for a headlock, but Bryte ducks under Stevens' arm, sending him chest-down onto the canvas, where Bryte grabs him and attempts to lock on a Fujiwara armbar. Stevens fights the hold, throwing a series of reverse elbows at Bryte's midsection to break his grip, then rolling forward, away from Bryte and back to a kneeling position. Bryte again charges in, but Steves sweeps his leg out from under him and covers him with a lateral press for...1...2...NO! Bryte bridges back to his feet after two, then takes Stevens over in an Oklahoma roll for 1...2...NO! Stevens kicks out. With both men on the canvas, Bryte quickly grabs Stevens' right arm and locks on a cross armbreaker. Stevens begins to scream as Bryte cinches up on the hold. COLE Cross armbreaker by Bryte! Perfectly applied! CABOOSE And I think this could be it right here. I mean, look at Stevens! The look in his eyes...he's got no guts! He's got no determination! I think he's gonna tap any second! COLE Don't count Stevens out just yet! He appears to be trying to fight this thing. Stevens turns into the hold, locking his hands to prevent Bryte from hyperextending the traped arm. Bryte continues to cinch up on the hold, applying as much pressure as he can, but Stevens continues to fight. He's able to roll over to one knee and push up against Bryte, forcing his shoulders to the mat for 1...2...NO! Bryte raises the shoulder and keeps the hold applied. Stevens then pushes himself up to a standing position, where he's able to roll Bryte back onto his shoulders a second time for 1...2...NO! Bryte raises the right shoulder again! Bryte then begins yelling at Stevens! BRYTE JUST GIVE IT UP, STEVENS! YOU'RE NOTHING COMPARED TO ME! YOU'RE NOTHING! By now, the crowd is starting to get behind Stevens, clapping in unison as he attempts to use his free arm to separate Bryte's legs. After a moment of struggle between the two, Stevens succeeds, then hooks Bryte's right leg under his left armpit and starts to turn into it. Bryte furiously kicks at Stevens with his left leg, but to no avail as Stevens turns him over onto his stomach and sits back on a half crab! CABOOSE No! COLE Half crab!!!!!! Stevens has it locked in! Chris Bryte is in trouble! Chris Bryte--DAMN IT! The Hand pushes the bottom rope towards Bryte and he grabs it. The crowd boos as the ref calls for the break! COLE What the hell was that?! CABOOSE That was the incomparable heart and determination of young Chris Bryte! That's what it was! COLE Please! Bryte holds onto the bottom rope for dear life, but Stevens refuses to release Bryte's leg. Tugging at Bryte's ankle, Stevens yanks Bryte off of the ropes and drags him out towards the center of the ring, where he attempts to re-apply the hold. Bryte again fights it, rolling onto his back and kicking away at Stevens with the his free leg. Finally, Stevens gives up and shoves Bryte's leg away, sending Bryte rolling backwards and onto his feet. Stevens immediately meets him with a hard forearm! He follows up with another European uppercut before whipping Bryte into the far side. Bryte manages to duck a clothesline coming off, but as he comes off the other side, Stevens runs at him and catches him right on the jaw with a high knee!!!!! Stevens with the cover... 1... 2... NO! Bryte kicks out after two! Both men quickly return to their feet, where Stevens nails Bryte right on the jaw with a dropkick! Bryte returns to his feet, only to get met with another dropkick. Bryte pops up again, and this time, Stevens takes him over in another armdrag. Stevens cinches up on another armbar, and once again begins to paintbrush the back of Bryte's head, drawing another pop from the crowd. COLE Well, so much for Chris Stevens being just "some jobber", huh? CABOOSE Shut up, Cole! COLE Thus far, Stevens has appeared to be a step ahead of the youngster, Chris Bryte. Perhaps it's Stevens' experience that's given him the edge in this one. CABOOSE Perhaps. More likely, it's his unscrupulous cheating getting the job done. COACH Man. That's a big word, Boose. CABOOSE You're still here? Bryte rolls back to a kneeling position and pushes himself back to a vertical base. Once one his feet, he reverses the hold into another arm wringer, then BLATANTLY yanks Stevens down to the mat by his hair. The crowd boos wildly in the background . COLE How's that for cheating, Caboose. CABOOSE That was as clean a takedown as I've ever seen. COLE Gimme a break! Stevens quickly kips back up to his feet, where he reverses into another arm wringer, but Bryte rips into him with an open hand strike to the chest. A second causes Stevens to release hold. Bryte then tries to whip Stevens back into the buckle, but Stevens counters it into another arm wringer, which he uses to bring Bryte in and take him over with a Northern Light's Suplex! Stevens holds the bridge... 1... 2... NO!! Bryte's able to raise the shoulder off the mat following the count of two. Stevens brings Bryte back to his feet and drives him back against the buckle, where he once again begins to hammer him with European uppercuts. Then, Stevens grabs Bryte around the waist and lifts him up onto the top turnbuckle, drawing a pop from the crowd. CABOOSE What the hell is he doing? COLE Chris Bryte set up on top...could we be about to see a superplex? Perhaps, but just as Stevens is preparing to climb the ropes...THE HAND~! reaches through the ropes and grabs his ankle, nearly causing him to fall. Angered, Stevens turns and throws a kick in The Hand's direction. The two have a brief standoff, drawing Stevens' attention just long enough for Bryte to regain his bearings crack him in the mouth with a hard kick. Bryte nails Stevens with a second kick before hooking a front facelock and bringing him down with a tornado DDT. Bryte with the cover...hook of the leg... 1... 2.. KICKOUT AFTER TWOOOOOOO! The crowd boos as Bryte drags Stevens up to a seated position, where nails him with a spinal tap kick to the lower back. He follows that up with a double chop to the traps, causing Stevens to roll over in pain. Handful of hair brings Stevens back to his feet, where after a series of kneelifts, Bryte hooks a front facelock, tosses the arm back over his head and takes him over with a textbook vertical suplex. Bryte holds on, rolls back to his feet and lifts Stevens up again, holding him high above his head for approximately 10 seconds before dropping him down onto his head with a brainbuster. Bryte floats into the cover... 1... 2... NO! Stevens kicks out! Bryte lifts Stevens back up to a seated position, kicks him HARD in the back of the neck, then drops to one knee, placing the point of his knee into the Stevens' neck and grabbing a chinlock. The crowd boos as Bryte pulls Stevens' head back across his (Bryte's) knee. COACH Am I the only on getting the sense that Bryte doesn't have a clue what he's doing in there. CABOOSE Shut up, fool! He's got this Chris Stevens right where he wants him. The crowd once again begins to clap in unison as Stevens tosses his clinched fist into the air, turning to his right side to try and escape the hold. Bryte tries to maintain, but to no avail, as Stevens manages to make it up to one knee, then back to his feet, where he fires off repeated forearms to Bryte's gut, breaking his grip. Stevens fires off two right hands, then grabs Bryte for an Irish whip. Bryte reverses the momentum, though, and sends Stevens to his knees with an enzuiguri-like kick to the back of the neck. As Stevens clutches at the injured area, Bryte takes a step back, measures Stevens and rips into him with a HARD kick to the back of the neck. Bryte follows up with a second. He then flashes a cocky smile to the crowd as he points at his foe and makes a throat-slitting gesture. BRYTE THIS IS IT!!!!! Bryte then moves in for a roundhouse kick, but Stevens manages to duck under. Bryte's momentum spins him around in the opposite direction, allowing Stevens to grab a rear waistlock and drive him forward into the ropes. He attempts a roll-up, but Bryte hooks the ropes, sending Stevens rolling backwards to a standing position. He then charges at Bryte, only to be floored with a rolling front kick. Bryte springs back to his feet and raises a double fist into the air, drawing more boos from the crowd. CABOOSE I think Bryte's just about ready to end this, guys. COACH Hopefully. COLE STOP IT! COACH What? Bryte grabs a handful of hair and brings Stevens up to a kneeling position, where he fires off a series of Kawada kicks to the forehead, then drives the point of his elbow into the back of Stevens' neck. He then drags him back to his feet, slips behind him and hooks him for the Bryte Side. CABOOSE What did I tell you? COLE The Bryte Side coming up! He lifts Stevens up for the move, but he's able to roll off his back and land on his feet behind him. He then shoves Bryte forward into the ropes, Bryte ducks a clothesline coming off, but as he comes off the opposite side... *CRACK* ...Stevens BLASTS him with a vicious superkick to the jaw. The crowd pops as both men fall to the canvas. COLE Stevens with that superkick from outta nowhere! Both men are down. CABOOSE Get up Chris! The crowd claps in unison as both men try to shake loose the cobwebs and pull themselves back to their feet. Bryte makes it up first, but when he moves in, Stevens shocks him with a double leg takedown. Stevens quickly pounces on Bryte, leaping on top of him and catching him with a series of forearms and elbow shots to the jaw, bringing the crowd back to life. He then brings Bryte back to his feet by the hair, catching him with two knee lifts to the chin before whipping him HARD into the buckle and catching him coming off with an overhead belly to belly. He goes for a quick cover... 1... 2... NO! Bryte's out after two. Stevens brings Bryte back to his feet and catches him with another European uppercut. He goes for another, but Bryte manages to slip behind him and send him down to a knee with a hard kick to the kidneys. Bryte nails him with another kick to the back before hitting the ropes opposite Stevens and springs off his knee for a shining wizard, but Stevens throws up his forearms to block it. Back to his feet, Stevens catches Bryte with a forearm to the jaw. Another. Bryte tries a Yakuza kick but Stevens catches it, shoves the leg down and runs right through Bryte with a discus clothesline, putting him flat on his back. With the crowd surging behind him, Stevens steps out to the apron and prepares to ascend the turnbuckles. COLE HE'S GOING FOR THE FROG SPLASH! Yes he is. But as he's climbing, Bryte draws the refs attention to his right knee, which he apparently injured somehow. As the ref moves in to check on Bryte, Bryte grabs him by his shirt and flings him into the ropes, causing Stevens to crotch himself upon the top turnbuckle. The crowd boos as Bryte heads over to Stevens and begins climbing the buckle, possibly preparing for a superplex. However, when he gets to the top, Stevens meets him with a right hand. A second. Bryte with a thrust to the throat halts his offense. He then hooks him for a suplex, and tries to take him over, but Stevens locks his legs around the top turnbuckle and ends up sending Bryte face first onto the canvas. Bryte begins rolling around on the canvas, clutching at his face as Stevens begins to stand upright on the top rope. Bryte once again makes a play for the referee, grabbing him by the pant leg and trying to pull him into the ropes, but the ref struggles, trying to fight him off. While the ref is preoccupied with Bryte, The Hand climbs upon the apron and shoves Stevens down, causing his throat to snap off the top rope. Stevens falls out and ends up draped over the middle rope, leaving him prone to a HARD right hand from The Hand, knocking him unconscious. With Stevens down, Bryte quickly moves in the capitalize, covering Chris Stevens for... 1... 2.. 3! *DING DING DING* **Cue "It's Goin Down" BUFFER Here is your winner: CHRRRRRRRIIIIIIIISSSSSSS BRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYTE! COLE Chris Bryte has stolen this thing thanks to The Hand! The referee walks over to attend to Stevens as Bryte grabs the mic inside the ring. The music dies down, and the crowd boos wildly as Bryte begins to speak. BRYTE Fans...there you have it. Just one more example of why I am the Brytest rising star here in the OAOAST! (crowd boos) There isn't a wrestler on the OAOAST roster that can hold a candle to me, and I'm including everybody when I say that! Especially that punk Leon "Silky Smooth" Rodez! Lots of cheers from the female fans at the mention of his name. Bryte simply rolls his eyes. BRYTE See Rodez...for the past week, I've had to deal with you running your mouth around here...about how you beat me. About how you got a win over the Bryte man! Well lemme tell ya...you did not, nor could you ever defeat Chris Bryte! No! Not even on your best day! Not on my worst day! (crowd boos) Make no mistake about it: what happened last week wasn't because of you Rodez! I didn't lose that match because of you, or because you're some great talent. I lost because of one man...and that's PANTHER! The crowd pops at the mention of Panther's name! BRYTE This man has been trying to make my life a living hell! I mean...he's coming out of the crowd like a common criminal...attacking me from behind...he's had me worried outta my mind, and Rodez, that is the only reason that I didn't beat you last week! You could never beat me, Rodez! Last week was a fluke! A FLUKE! RODEZ (off camera) Is that right?! The crowd pops in the background as Leon Rodez appears on stage with a microphone. RODEZ Last week was a fluke?! BRYTE That's right! RODEZ Well...we'll see how much of a fluke it was when I beat you again this Sunday night at the Great Angle Bash! (crowd pops) That is, of course, if you're man enough! BRYTE Oh, you're damn right I'm man enough! I accept, Rodez, and I promise that this time, I will not lose! RODEZ We'll see. We'll see! See ya Sunday, Bryte! "My Hero" by Foo Fighters hits the PA system and the crowd pops as Rodez raises his arms into the air. COLE Well it looks like we've got a match on our hands! Chris Bryte and Leon Rodez will lock it up once again, this time on PPV! What a match it should be! COACH For those of you who don’t know, Great Angle Bash is this Sunday! Visit the OAOAST website for more details and visit the Official OAOAST message board to download the official Great Angle Bash wallpaper! CABOOSE That wall paper is fucking wicked. COLE You know else is wicked? COACH Ad revenue! (Go to break)

(And we go backstage to J.Math, who is in fact standing with Northstar.) JOSH Thanks MC. J.Math on scene with Northstar. And Nor.... NORTHSTAR Joshie, I’m about to make like Rerun and tell you What’s Happinin. Josh unless you’ve been living under or smoking a rock, you know that I’m the fourth member of the Crystal’s team for the big War Games match at Great Angle Bash. Now everyone knows of my torrid love/hate/hate some more affair with Zack Malibu so there’s little reason to dive into that sea of animosity, doll. Actually, I was hoping I could address another one of the esteemed and well liked members of the Thrillogy. JOSH Hoff? NORTHSTAR No, I’m tal... JOSH Candie? NORTHSTAR Sugar, this ain’t twenty questions, so shut up, look cute and let me finish. Calvin Szechstein is the target of my ire. Calvin, darling, what happened to our once flourishing flower of friendship? Was it washed away by a wave of unethical backstage politicking? Stolen by a double talking, back stabbing thief masquerading as a world champion? Or did it never exist in the first place, love? Large words and similes aside, all I know is that you and I used to be squeezed tight. Now we’re spread farther apart then Jonathan Coachman’s BUTT cheeks in a poorly lit park bathroom. (Northstar pauses while the crowd pops at the gross out joke.) NORTHSTAR I don’t know what happened, Cal. Maybe you lost my phone number.. Or maybe you felt awkward about calling me. Or maybe you realized that after I was stripped of my general manager title I had as much use to you as a maxi pad. C’mon, lovie dovie, be honest. After Bill Watts dropped the pink slip on me like an atomic bomb you started to avoid me like Darryl Strawberry avoids a drug test. But whatever your reasons were for dropping me quicker then the FOX network dropped the “hit” drama Skin, it doesn’t really matter, sugar pie. I’m sure we can work out our problems like civilized gentlemen at War Games. JOSH On the subject of War Games, can you tell us a bit about what CWM’s visit meant to your team? NORTHSTAR (Northstar’s voice deepens so much that you’d think he was possessed by James Earl Jones.) Joshua, citizens of Chicago, gather around the blazing campfire for I'd like to tell a story that may not be so unfamiliar to you. It's about a storied hockey player for the Tampa Bay Lightning named Dave Anderychuk. Dave's a six hundered goal scorer, holds the record for the most career power play goals, and has over a thousand points in twenty two years in the league. But in those twenty two years Dave had never won the ultimate prize in professional athletics, the Stanley Cup. But this year as captain of the high powered but inexperienced Tampa Bay Lightning, Dave Anderychuk got his first taste of the Stanley Cup finals. The Lightning smoked the Long Reach Islanders in the first round, cake walked past the soft as melted ice cream Habs in the second, and outlasted the Cryers in the third. We all thought that once it was determined that the Lighting would play the Calgary Flames in the Stanley Cup Finals that the leauge had already begun to engrave his name on Lord Stanely's prized cup. However, the resillent and somewhat dirty Flames overwhelmed the young Lightning. Their underhanded tactics and aggressive play caused the Lightning, their fans and the media to question if this would be the year that Dave Anderychuk achieved immortality or if the grizzled Hamilton, Ontario native would retire without sipping champagne from the silver cup. There were times when the Lightning matched the Flames tenacity only to see the Flames get more ferocious in their attempt to bring the cup back to the Canada. The Flames KO'ed the Lightning in game five and took what many thought was an all but cup winning 3-2 series lead heading to game six in their home arena. But before game six, Raymond Borque arguably the greatest defensemen not named Bobby Orr placed a phone call to Lightning grinder Tim Taylor, relaying his experience with the Avalanche who overcame a 3-2 defict to beat the creativity stifling New Jersey Devils and help Borque win his first and only Stanley Cup. Taylor played the message for his emotionally and physically tired teammates. It reenergized a group that many thought were on life support, and the team parted Calgary's red sea to win the Stanley Cup, and send the Flames back to Alberta with only their suitcases and heavy hearts. To me Ray Borque's calling Tim Taylor is a lot like CWM personally paying us a visit and offering his wisdom. No matter how beat up, worn out you are, or no matter how much you think you can't do it or you think it's all a lost cause, to have a legend like that come to your lock room and...just...it motivates you. That's all I can say. And if you can't get motivated after something like that, then sweetheart, check your pulse. JOSH Thank you, Northstar. NORTHSTAR (Reverting back to his usual bubbly and ditzy tone) No prob, cutie! And remember, be cool, stay in school!

(Go the arena) “Gangsta Queens” by Trina and Groove Armada from the Blade 2 soundtrack hits over the sound system and the arena is alive with the sound of music! As blue and gold lights flicker throughout the venue, the sliding doors that separate the backstage area from the arena part and out steps former WCW wrestler, Scotty Riggs and his tag team partner, Alix Spezia! COLE We haven’t seen Alix Spezia in a while due to a back injury suffered in a second round match of the tag team title tournament. She’s been working prelim matches to get in better ring shape. BUFFER The following match is scheduled for one fall, now making their way to the ring the team of Scotty Riggs and ALIX SPEZIAAAAAA! COACH Didn’t Alix have another tag team partner? What was her name, Kelly Duncan, or something. CABOOSE You mean that feminazi, Krista Isadora Dunca?. Yeah, I heard she missed her flight to Chicago. Who cares? BUFFER And already in the ring the team of Johnny Solo and Luke Solo, THE SOLO BROTHERS! The Solo brothers simultaneously throw their arms into air. It’s an action which draws little in the way of a pop from the crowd. In fact if you listen closely enough you can hear a small “We want Han” chant coming from the crowd. As Alix and Scotty climb into the squared circle she barks a stern order at him “Just stay out of my way.” She says. Her tone leaves little room for debate. Scotty positions himself on the outside and Luke Solo does the same, leaving his brother Johnny to start the match against Alix. COLE Alix has the unenviable task of being forced to square off against these two much larger men due to her regular partner, Krista Isadora Duncan no showing. The massive monster, Johnny Solo grabs a hold of Alix’s arm and fires her into the ropes! He lifts his leg high into the air hoping to take her head off with a Kevin Nash like big boot. Unfortunately Johnny is so tall and Alix is so small, that she simply runs under it with out ducking. Alix bounces off the opposite ropes and ducks down, nailing Johnny in the knee with a chop block! Johnny hobbles around the ring, noticeably wincing in pain. Alix charges at him and takes him down with a diving shoulder block to the same knee she just chop blocked! COACH It’s worth noting that Johnny Solo was a former fourth round draft pick by the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim, who was said to be a potential power forward, but had to retire from the sport of hockey due to a massive knee injury suffered in an exhibition game against the Edmonton Oilers. I think Alix is hoping to reaggravate that knee injury. CABOOSE How the hell did you know that? Johnny Solo drops to his knees in pain. Alix takes advantage her adversary’s prone position and levels him with a STIFF~! roundhouse to the back of his oversized melon! Alix smacked the side of her psychedelic hot pants as she kicked him, giving the blow that extra “smack” sound which causes the crowd to let out an “Oooooooh.” Desperate to rally his brother, Luke Solo begins to furiously beat his hands against the turnbuckle. Alix pays no mind to Luke’s attempt to encourage his brother to fight back. Instead she grabs a hold of a fallen Johnny’s leg, lifts it into the and drops and elbow onto the inside of his knee, sending his leg crashing back to the mat! Johnny rolls away from the much smaller (and cuter!) Alix. With his knee and pride severely hurtling he hollers out in agony! The crowd shows no sympathy as they rain down taunts and jeers towards the jobber’s bruised ego. COACH Guys, I think that if Johnny had hit that big boot earlier, this would be a different match. CABOOSE Look at you, saying something insightful. COACH Sometimes, I amaze myself. Despite Johnny’s screams for mercy, Alix refuses to let up. She’s so tenacious on her attack that one would think she’s the six foot nine monster and he was five foot five underdog. Alix lifts up Johnny’s hurt leg and tries to apply a figure four leg lock. The fans let out a decent sized pop at the sight of such a famous move! Johnny’s more then happy to disappoint the crowd as he uses the leg that hasn’t been targeted all match to boot Alix in the tush and push her towards her corner! On the ring apron, Luke Solo breathes a sigh of relief as he previously resigned himself to the fact that this match was almost over. COLE We’re seeing a more grounded approach to Alix’s attack tonight. Usually she uses more high flying moves. COACH She has to target that knee. Johnny Solo is one foot and four inches taller then her, but the last man standing stands the tallest. The best way to neutralize a wrestler that big is to take out his knee in a quick manner. CABOOSE Okay, now you’re starting scaring me. Start talking about how you wanna use her boobs as pillows or something. ENRAGED~! that her submission was interrupted Alix prepares to charge at Johnny and nail him with a running enziguri! BUT, Scotty Riggs reaches over the top rope and tags himself into the match before Alix can level the man beast. Alix asks him what the hell he thinks he’s doing but Scotty tells her to TALK TO DA HAND~! OAOAST ref Billy Silverman has to physically force Alix out of the ring while trying to prevent her from choking her tag team partner to death. COLE Earlier today, Scotty Riggs was seen hitting up Bill Watts for an OAOAST contract. A good showing here could go a long way towards making that dream a reality. A smart man would capitalize on the damage Alix’s done by working over Johnny’s leg. Scotty Riggs will never be confused with a smart man. The same fans who busted out a “We want Hans” chant taunt Scotty with a “We want Buff.” chant. COLE Seems to this undefeated announcer that Alix is the only one who’s even remotely liked. Scotty ignores their jeers and focuses on the larger Solo brother. He mounts him and hammers the native of NYC with closed fists to the forehead! Actually they’re more like love taps as they do little to phase Johnny. Johnny wraps his basketball sized hand around Scotty’s head. With Scotty frantically trying to swat at Johnny, the Solo brother violently tosses Scotty off him and onto the mat. Johnny crawls to his corner and makes the tag to his quicker brother, Luke. Salvation in handshake form. CABOOSE All Riggs had to do was use a simple leg lock and this match would’ve been over. Thankful to get a chance to catch his breath and rest his hurt knee, Johnny rolls out of the ring. In his place comes the fearless soldier, Luke Solo!!! Luke lets out a primal howl then CHARGES at Scotty with his arm outstretched and a scowl on his face! His clothesline attempt is cut short by referee Billy Silverman! He NEVER saw the tag as Alix has been distracting him with her hissy fit since Scotty “tagged” himself in. Silverman in no uncertain terms order Johnny Solo back into the ring and Luke out of the ring! COLE Wow! Luke Solo was about to knock Scotty Riggs back into the sixteenth row, until Scotty got gift from god in the form of Billy Silverman! Instead of being the one to clothesline, Luke is the one being clotheslined! Scotty effortlessly dumps the natural born loser out of the ring with a lariat! On the outside, fans in the front row lean over the guard rail to jeer and insult poor Luke, and we hear the “We Want Hans” chant one more time. Realizing that he probably shouldn’t push his luck, Scotty makes a quick tag to Alix. “You should’ve never tagged me out.” Alix mumbles as she ducks under the ropes and gets into the ring. There is zero hint of gratitude in her voice for being tagged back in by Scotty. If patience is a virtue, then Alix must be the most virtuous woman in the company as Johnny takes fooooooorever and a day to get into the ring. When he does, Alix rushes towards him, hoping to get another chop block. However, Johnny is wise to her womanly tricks!!! He steps towards her before she can duck down for the block of chop and flips her so high into the air with a backbody drop that it looks like she could touch the sun! Thinking that he had taken Alix out of action, if only temporarily, Johnny bends over to catch his breath only to get NAILED with a rocker droper from the second rope! Alix had countered the back body drop, simply by landing on the second rope! How intelligent! With Luke knocked out on the outside and Johnny playing the role of a one legged man, Alix decides it’s time to end this travesty of a wrestling match. Alix applies a standing scissors lock around Johnny’s injured leg, then drops to the mat so that she’s laying side by side with a wailing Johnny. He screams out in pained distress as Alix hyper extends his knee and applies pressure to his hamstrings at the same time. Finally he ends his own misery by tapping out to the Crucifix Kneebar! The previously bored to tears crowd pops at the sight of a little one hundred thirty pound girl making a six foot nine beast tap out and cry for his mommy! “Gangsta Queens” plays one more time as Michael Buffer makes the outcome official by announcing the winner. CABOOSE In no way shape or form do I support Alix’s pro woman crusade, but credit given where credit is due... COACH I’ll finish this one, Caboose. Kids at home I hope you paying close attention to this match, because Alix just showed you the best way to chop down a redwood. From the bottom up. Take out their knees and they won’t have a leg to stand on. Alix knew this and Johnny Solo wasn’t prepared. Now he cost his team a match. Hit showers, Solos. CABOOSE Yeah, I want to hit the showers with Alix! COACH In your wet dreams, chump. COLE I feel like I’m in some sort of bizzaro world! Stay tuned, we’ll be right back. (Go to break) *return from break* CABOOSE Folks, we're back with more HeldDOWN, but I'd like to apologize on behalf of the entire OAOAST. COACH Why? CABOOSE Because Michael Cole is about to conduct an interview. BWA HA HA! The camera pans to a shot of Cole in the ring, mic in hand. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, at this time let me introduce to you one of the members of this Sunday's Wargames match, and the current and reigning twenty-four seven champion... (boos) Hoff! "Black" hits as Cole finishes talking, and out walks Hoff, sporting his royal blue Thrillogy tights, with the 24/7 belt strapped around his waist. Hoff stops midway down the entrance ramp, pointing to a large "Hoff is the Future" sign, and sidestepping a bottle of water, then leveling a finger at the person who threw it. Hoff saunters to the ring and rolls in, brushing Michael Cole away as he ascends to the second rope, taking off his title and holding it into the air amidst a sea of jeering fans. Hoff smirks, and hops off the buckle, slinging his belt over his shoulder. COLE Now Hoff... Another round of boos picks up in the audience, and a "you suck" chant spreads through the rafters. Hoff just smiles, patting his 24/7 title and mouthing the words "right here," drawing an irate response from the crowd. COLE Hoff, first of all, I'd like to thank you for joining us here tonight. HOFF Oh, no problem, Cole, no problem at all...and LOOK OUT IT'S ZACK!! Hoff points behind Cole, who ducks and covers his head, before turning around to see...nothing. Hoff begins laughing like a hyena, and Caboose can be heard joining in at Sofa Central. Cole looks up at Hoff, disgusted, then shakes his head and continues. COLE Hoff, I'm trying to conduct an interview, if you don't mind. HOFF Well, you sure are trying, Mean Gene. But all right, go ahead, let me have it. COLE Well, Hoff, many people have been asking about the upcoming Wargames match, and what the Thrillogy's strategy is heading into this Sunday. HOFF WHAT?! You think I'm just gonna tell you? Geez, Cole, you're dumber than Zack said. An "ooooh" rises up from the crowd as Cole fumes. COACH Come on, Mikey, you don't have to take that! CABOOSE Ah, he'll take whatever Hoff gives him. Michael Cole tries to regain his composure as Hoff grabs the mic from him. HOFF Oh, now, come on Cole, don't get me wrong........Calvin doesn't like you either. Caboose can again be heard guffawing into his headset as Cole turns red, but swallows hard and looks up. Hoff throws the microphone at him and chuckles. Cole picks the mic up, and continues. COLE Well, if you won't give us your strategy, can you at least give us a clue as to who the Thrillogy's partner is? HOFF Once again, Cole, you're asking a bit too much. But I can tell you this: you won't have to wait much longer. COACH Yeah, 'cause the Board ORDERED you to reveal who it is! COLE Well I suppose that's fair. I was also wondering if I could get your thoughts on Sly Sommers, one of the men you'll be facing on Sunday, after the awesome battle that you two had a few weeks ago on this program. Hoff's expression turns serious atthis question. HOFF Cole, let me tell you something about Sly Sommers. He's a hell of an athlete. He's well-trained, well-conditioned, well-versed in many styles of wrestling. He can go. But when push came to shove, he couldn't get it done. Neither could he and his little slut galpal against me and Cal. See, Cole, he's a loser -- just like all of Team Wannabe. L-O-Z-E-R, loser. And we're winners. COLE Well, I guess you're entitled to your opinion-- HOFF What's that supposed to mean? Hoff steps toward Cole and glares down at him, as Cole shrinks back slightly. COLE N-nothing. HOFF You're damn right, nothing. COLE Um.....uh.....Hoff, you... many people have also wondered why you hate to seem the Bleeding Souls so much. I mean, of all the Thrillogy, you really seem to have it in for them. HOFF Yeah, so? COLE So, my question is...why? Hoff pauses, looking down and shaking his head. HOFF Why? Why? Oh, I'll tell you why, Cole. I hate the Bleeding Souls because they don't beling in this business. The crowd lets loose some heavy booage at that. Hoff looks out over them while continuing. HOFF That's right, people, and you KNOW it. More than Sly, even more than Team Rah-Rah, the BS, Bleeding Soul morons are a disgrace to this business. They can't wrestle! And they can't win. Not to mention they're a bunch of degenerates. I mean, the Thrillogy, me, Cal, Zack, we're high-class. THESE guys? They're pure Dee-troit trailer park. I mean, you got Axel, the Goth kid who drinks coffee all day at Starbucks, and then he hangs around your mall all day and asks you for cigarettes, God I HATE him! And Gunner, Gunner Sharps, wifebeater extraordinaire, this idiot got himself SUSPENDED before what would have been the biggest match of his career! And AJ... Hoff's smile turns into a sick, sadistic grin as the fans let him have it. COACH Hoff maybe reminiscing that vile attack on AJ's back... CABOOSE That was great. HOFF AJ Flaire, let me tell you something, buddy. The little surprise I gave you a few weeks back, that wasn't the only one I've got for ya. You better be ready, you better be looking over your shoulder, assuming you can still bend your crippled, old-man back that way. Because what I got in store for you... The fans begin to cheer, and Hoff smiles. HOFF That's right, kids. What I got in store for AJ is gonna be--ARGH! Hoff falls and drops the mic after taking a spear to the back from...GUNNER SHARPS! COACH Holy cow! It's Gunner! He must have snuck in through the crowd! CABOOSE What? Security! Someone help! Cole quickly exits the ring as Gunner begins laying into Hoff with some vicious stomps! Hoff rolls to his knees and tries to get away, but Gunner grabs him by the hair and throws him into the turnbuckle, and unloads a massive round of big right hands! Hoff reels as Gunner lands blow after blow. Gunner winds up again...but security grabs his hand from behind and slaps on a pair of cuffs. CABOOSE Ah, finally. Some ORDER restored. COACH What? Are they arresting Gunner? CABOOSE Well, he is suspended, nitwit. He has no business even being here! The security officers lead a snarling Gunner down the ramp and out of the building. Hoff stumbles out of the corner, first grabbing his 24/7 title, then the microphone as he turns his attention down the aisle. HOFF GUNNER!! Gunner's eyes go wide as he strains against the security. HOFF Listen to me you big son of a bitch, you just made the worst mistake of your life. You just signed the death sentence buddy. Oh, yeah. But not for you...no, you just signed the death sentence of AJ Flaire. The crowd boos huge for that, and Gunner *almost* breaks free of the guards. HOFF Yeah, and when it's all over, buddy boy, I want you to remember that YOU DID THIS! YOU PUSHED ME TO THIS! HIS BLOOD WILL BE ON YOUR HANDS!!! Hoff throws down the mic and stares Gunner down as the seven footer is escorted away. "Black" starts playing again, and Hoff leaves the ring, but this time, a scowl replaces his trademark smirk. Suddenly, a faint thumping noise is heard as Michael Cole slips on his headset. COLE Yikes! COACH A little hot in there, Mikey? COLE Yeah, I-- CABOOSE COLE! How could you let Gunner pull that kind of thing? COLE Hey, it's not my job to break it up. I can't say I feel too bad for Hoff, though. CABOOSE AH! Unbiased journalism, what happened to that? COLE Blow it out your British BUTT, Boozy. COACH YEAH! Aww yeah, you got SERVED, 'Booze! CABOOSE I-- ah-- aw dammit all... COLE Anyway, suspended or not, this thing with Hoff and the Bleeding Souls is far from over! But now we go from one War Games participant to the next as Josh Matthews is standing backstage with Northstar!

(Cut to Locker Room A, where Sly and Crystal are lacing up their boots. All of a sudden, AJ Flaire barges into the room...) AJ Okay, I'm sorry...but doesn't it tick you guys off just a little that we had to find out who our last man was going into war on Sunday on a WEBSITE?!?! SLY What are you talking about? We've been calling you all week; I got a call from the Board of Directors after the show on Thursday... CRYSTAL So did I... AJ What in the HELL? Why didn't you guys tell me? CRYSTAL We thought they'd call you too. AJ Guess what? They didn't! SLY Sorry, man. AJ Sorry won't cut it. The fact remains that we're going into battle in three days, and not only do we have a fourth teammate who isn't officially in the "team", but our base unit has fallen apart! CRYSTAL (gets up in AJ's face) Hey, don't blame us...you're the one who walked out on us last week! AJ If it weren't for Aunt Flo visiting you and Sly over her having a case of the "whipped flu", that would have never happened! SLY (Gets up) Um...whatever you're trying to accuse at here, you better stop it! I got a lady back at home to keep me satisfied, and I have no clue about her menstural cycle, but I doubt she'll let a little blood get in the way of battle! CRYSTAL Stop blaming your own faults on other things and people! AJ Stop blaming YOUR faults on me! (Northstar walks into the room) NORTHSTAR Hey guys... AJ Yay, the new guy is here... NORTHSTAR What in the hell is YOUR problem? AJ You are...and they are...and damn it, this whole situation is! SLY It wouldn't be a problem if you wouldn't get your head out of your ass! Speaking of that...Northstar, why didn't you return any of my calls about getting together to discuss match strategy for tonight's six-man? NORTHSTAR I was busy prepping myself on War Games with tapes! SLY What? CRYSTAL Hey, at least he's studying up for the match...unlike you! SLY What's that supposed to mean? CRYSTAL Nothing...other than how you've been slacking off lately... SLY Slacking off? Why I oughta... (All four start screaming at each other incoherrantly. But, the screaming ends when their locker room door opens, and CWM walks in, using a cane for balance. An enormous pop is heard from the fans in the arena at the sight this OAOAST legend.) CRYSTAL Um...wow... CWM You four...you need to get your heads out of the sand and stop letting the clown kick you in the ass! This Sunday...you four got the biggest challenge of your lives ahead of you on Sunday night, and NONE of you have your head screwed on right! The Thrillogy is a team. As much as I hate to say it, they're probably the most well-oiled unit in the business today. They have everything going for them: athleticism, power, speed, agility, pure ability...you name it, they have it. You guys have a lot going for you...but you're ruining it with your bickering! SLY But... CWM Shut the hell up, son. If you four want to secure victory in this match, you HAVE to be a cohesive unit. You may not like each other...hell, you may even hate each other, but if I know Zack and Cal like I think I do, they've know every nook and cranny possible in this match, and they're going to pull it out. You have to have someone to rely on to back you up for everything they pull out. (Turns to Sly) CWM Sly...you want this, don't you? (Sly nods) Remember back to when you first came here, when Zack Malibu tried holding you down? Remember when he made sure you couldn't capitalize on any success whatsoever?Remember when he screwed you out of the World Title? Calvin Szechstein...remember when he left you and Colvid high and dry to be apart of this supergroup of morons known as the Thrillogy? Remember when him and Hoff hit Colvid with a car and left him for dead, to the point where he's laid up in a bed for six months and will never be able to wrestle again? Remember the feeling of defeat you felt when you awoke about a month ago after your European Rounds match with him to find that you had succumb to him and his treachery and were NOT able to break free of him? Remember when Hoff laid you out in the center of that ring, causing you to fall in defeat to Calvin? Wrap all of that up, ball it up inside, and release it out on them on Sunday! SLY YEAH! CWM AJ...these are the same guys who made your friend Axel go off into Never-ever Land. They just about murdered him...and no one's seen him since. THEY made him disappear! Have that run through your head with every strike and every move you perform as you make it your sole mission to destroy the Thrillogy! AJ I'm gonna murder those bastards! CWM (Turns to Northstar) Northstar...Sunday night is your return to Pay-Per-View main events, against familiar foes nonetheless in Calvin Szechstein and Zack Malibu. In your first official match back, you led, of all people, Michael (bleep)in' Cole to victory against Zack and his tramp Candie. You had the crowd behind you. You had everyone's support. You had the cheers and the accolades and all of that good stuff. Do you want to relive that? (Northstar nods) Then, you better go into Sunday with your head on straight, or you'll be taken out of the building on a stretcher in a puddle of your own blood. NORTHSTAR (bleep) yeah... CWM Last but not least...the "Female Phenom" herself. Crystal, you got screwed out of the World Title yourself last month, didn't you? You had a really good friend in Zack Malibu betray you too to form the Thrillogy, didn't you? This is your time for revenge: you'll be locked inside of a cold, hard steel cage, able to destroy that bastard Malibu in any way, shape, or form...or will you? You have to be able to trust and work with these three here, or else you might not ever be able to step in the ring with Zack ever again, yet alone get in the ring, period. CRYSTAL Zack's a dead man... CWM To all of you...these are your motives, your reasons for going into such an extreme way of combat. But, in order to fulfill these motives, you MUST, and I mean must, stick together, work as a functional unit, and destroy the enemy as one. As the saying goes, "United we stand, divided we fall." SLY But, what about the six-man tag match tonight? CWM Think of that as a way of getting into the Thrillogy's head and telling him, "We're gonna rip your hearts out on Sunday...this is just a preview." CRYSTAL You know what? I think you've done a hell of a lot to help us get mentally ready for this war on Sunday. Our heads weren't in the game at all. For that, we thank you. CWM No problem. Just doin' my job... (CWM walks out of the room and shuts the door behind him) AJ You know...I'll back off with all of this jealousy crap, and let Northstar step in peacefully. If they pull any crap tonight out there, I got your back. SLY That's nice to hear, man. NORTHSTAR Can we get this cameraman out of here now? I wanna plan some strategy. (Cameraman walks out, we FADE TO BLACK~!)

(Back to the arena) *DING DING DING* BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall... Cue: "Hit me baby one more time" BUFFER Making his way to the ring, from the edge of reason, weighing 360lbs, he is the Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadist! The towering muscle bound monster walks down the ailse to a mixed reaction from the packed out crowd. COLE Look at this physical speciman! COACH Dan Black has his work cut out for him tonight, just like Black T do at the Great Angle Bash. I can see new tag team champions, can't you Caboose? CABOOSE Absolutely not. Sadist and JINGUS are a pair of freaks. Sure, they're big, but they're not WRESTLERS. They're not athletes like Dan and Tony. Sadist climbs into the ring and slaps himself in the face a few times, a wild look in his eyes. Cue: "Quiet" Floods of black smoke engulf the entranceway and a storm of white pyro sparks grows amidst the cloud. At last a final, huge, BANG of pyro, and the Ice Heart, Dan Black, walks through and down to the ring. While Dan may not have the power he once did, he still has the crowd baying for his blood as he smirks behind his shades. BUFFER And, his opponent, from London England, weighing 242lbs, he is one half of the OAOAST tag team champions, the Ice Heart, Dan BLACK! Dan enters the ring and holds up his world tag title belt to the crowd, who don't seem impressed. Black takes off his trench coat and looks Sadist up and down. COLE Here we go, it's Sadist in the short white trunks, Dan in the long black with silver trim. How can Black beat a man who thrives on pain, Caboose? CABOOSE He likes pain, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be knocked out. He’s not invulnerable. Dan and Sadist circle each other, and lock up. Black strains against his larger opponent, but Sadist snaps forward and shoves Dan down to the mat. Black picks himself up with a thoughtful look on his face. Another lock up, and this time Dan doesn’t attempt to match strength and instead rolls around Sadist, applying a hammerlock. Sadist grunts, the pain of this hold not enough to satisfy him, and attempts to reverse. Black is ready however, and counters into a waistlock. Sadist runs to the ropes and Dan bounces off his back, but as Sadist turns and runs, Black brings him down with a drop toe hold and locks on a side headlock on the mat. COACH Dan working over the Sadist with superior technical wrestling, but how long can he keep this up? As if to answer Coach, Sadist simply powers up to one knee. Dan keeps the headlock on, so Sadist lifts him and drops him with a back suplex. Dan’s head and neck hit hard and Sadist covers- ONE! Dan kicks out smartly, and Sadist brings him to his feet. Sadist whips the tag champ into a corner and runs after him, crushing Dan with an avalanche. Sadist allows Black to stagger out of the corner, before lifting him up in a torture rack! Black struggles in the rack, but Sadist just drops to his knees, delivering a brutal backbreaker…and then gets to his feet again and repeats the move! The crowd POPS for Sadist’s destruction of Dan, who rolls out of the ring clutching his back and struggling to stay on his feet. COLE The power of the Sadist is just awesome, Dan’s lucky not to have a broken spine! CABOOSE Sadist is sick, trying to cripple Dan like that. He needs to wrestle like a gentleman. Sadist rolls out of the ring in pursuit of Black, who ducks round a corner and back into the squared circle. Sadist falls for the oldest trick in the book and follows him, allowing Dan to stomp him down as he enters. The crowd hurls abuse at Black as he puts the boots viciously to Sadist, following up with a trio of stiff elbow drops to the back of Sadist’s neck. Dan brings Sadist up and snapmares him over into a sitting position. Black rocks on his heels and sends a hard kick into the shoulder blades of Sadist. Another pair of kicks, and Dan goes for a final blow to the head- but Sadist turns and blocks it with his forearm! Sadist gets to his feet as Dan tries to kick him down again. The monster ignores Dan’s offence and swats Dan down with a lariat. COLE Dan has got to be regretting the fact that T.Bod and JR are barred from ringside. CABOOSE It’s a conspiracy against Black T! Everyone knows they work best as a team. Sadist brings Dan up and grabs him by the arm, drawing him in…and hits a wrist clutch exploder suplex! Black lands on the back of his head again! COLE Oh my god, Dan Black is dead. Cover: ONE! TWO! THREE! -NO, Dan’s foot is on the bottom rope! Sadist growls and brings Dan up and into the middle of the ring, grabbing him by the throat for a chokebomb, but as he lifts Black up, Dan slips out and drags Sadist down into the Heart of Ice! (crippler crossface). Dan wrenches on Sadist’s neck, but Sadist is laughing happily! COLE Black is in big trouble. He’s always been able to make opponents tap out with this hold, but Sadist likes it! Dan adjusts the hold, bringing the arm of the Sadist back over his own shoulder, hooking in the Heart of Ice V2 (Alex Shelley’s Border City Stretch)- but Sadist seems to like this even more! COACH Are those tears of joy in the eyes of the Sadist? Dan releases the hold and gets to his feet, a disgusted look on his face. Sadist uses the ropes to climb up, in contrast looking rather disappointed. Black meets him with a boot to the gut, and attempts a DDT, but Sadist counters into a Northern Lites suplex! ONE! TWO! THREE-no, kickout! Sadist drags Dan into the corner, and climbs to the top rope. COLE Oh no, we saw Sadist crush the larynx of JBL with this diving elbow last week, this could be it for Dan! Sadist jumps off with the big elbow, but Dan rolls aside to BOOS! Sadist grins at the pain in his arm as he rises. Dan meets him with an eye poke and KICK WHAM BLACKOUT (stunner)! ONE! TWO! THREE! No! Kick out! COACH Dan’s throwing everything at this beast and its not enough! He can’t be stopped! Sadist is getting to his feet once more, holding his jaw and smiling. Black hangs on the top rope and runs his hand through his hair, searching for a new game plan. Sadist moves in and Dan CHOPS him hard. Sadist beckons Dan to keep them coming. Another trio of chops that have Sadist throwing back his head in pleasure, and Dan tries to whip him to the ropes. Sadist reverses it however, and Dan has to duck a lariat as he rebounds. Dan dropkicks the knee of Sadist to no effect. Dan tries another chop, but Sadist kicks him in the midsection and gathers him in for what looks like a powerbomb. As he begins to lift Dan up however, the eyes of the Sadist suddenly bulge, and he drops Dan. Black underhooks both arms, and with a huge effort hits Sadist with the Pitch Black! (Angel’s Wings) ONE! TWO! THREE! KICKOUT! DING DING DING BUFFER The winner of the match- Ice Heart, Daaaaan BLACK! COLE There was a low blow there! CABOOSE What? Rubbish, a great win for Dan Black! COACH Let’s see a replay! :: Replay shows Dan giving Sadist a hard lowblow while being set up for the powerbomb :: CABOOSE See, no low blow! COLE I can’t believe Dan stole a win like that! Sadist kicked out just as the referee’s hand hit the mat. In the ring, Black has climbed the turnbuckle and taunts the fans. Behind him, Sadist does the zombie sit up. Dan, alerted by the fans cheers, turns- and gets CHOKESLAMMED off the second rope to the mat! Sadist picks the tag champ up and puts him in a pumphandle position, but suddenly T.Bod is in the ring with a baseball bat that he CRACKS over Sadist! T.Bod tries to drag Dan out of the ring, as, inevitably, JINGUS runs in. Tony tries to slug it out with JINGUS, but the Devilman gains the upperhand and throws T.Bod out of the ring. Dan scurries after him, as Sadist does the sit up again to stand tall with JINGUS. COACH If JR were here, he’d have only one thing to say- BAH GAWD! HOSSES! COLE Dan somehow pulled out the victory, but JINGUS and Sadist are going to be crowned new tag champions at The Great Angle Bash this weekend! CABOOSE Bold predictions from a man who knows jack squat about the subtle nuances of tag team wrestling. Nuances that Black T routinely exploits when they defend their tag titles. COACH Well, we’ll be back in a jiffy! (Go to break) (Return from break) COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN, fans! We'd like to thank everyone for joining us tonight and remind you that HeldDOWN! is brought to you by Snickers! COACH Crammed with peanuts and caramel, Snickers really satisfies! CABOOSE ...Do I have to do this? COACH You wanna get paid? CABOOSE ...Ugh. *ahem* Hungry? Why wait! Grab a Snickers! The camera zooms in on Caboose, who has a wide, toothy, fake grin on his face, which immediately drops and is replaces with a scowl. CABOOSE I feel so dirty. COACH Now you know what it's like to be me! COLE Speaking of filthy, our own Josh Matthews is in the back with Chris Stevens! Josh, you there! The cameras cut to the backstage area, where Stevens stands next to J. Math, a grin on his face. JOSH Yeah, hey guys! I'm here with Chris Stevens, and Chris, I wanted to get your reaction to your X-Title match last week with Rick Edwards? STEVENS You know, it's like this -- I came up short, but at least I learned something. And that's to never get caught in the Superman's Dead. Stevens chuckles as Josh smiles. STEVENS But seriously, I'm like the Minnesota Timberwolves in the NBA playoffs. CABOOSE The who? COLE Stevens is from Minnesota, from a town called Rochester, home to the Mayo Clinic-- CABOOSE What, you work for Triple A now? Let the man talk. STEVENS See, I'm maybe not the best, but I'm good, I got all the tools, and I know I'll get to the top some day. But right now, I'm just happy to be here. JOSH Well, a lot of people have been impressed with you as of late, with your new attitude and assertiveness. Some are wondering what kind of a role you'll play at the Great Angle Bash this Sunday. STEVENS Well Josh, I don't have a match this Sunday, but I can promise I'll be there, enjoying the-- FAMILIAR VOICE (off camera) UNCLE KEV, WOULD YOU JUST CHILL ALREADY?! STEVENS Huh?! Both Stevens and Matthews look up, startled as Chris Bryte and THE HAND~! enter the picture, inciting boos from the capacity crowd inside the arena. Bryte's talking to someone on his cell phone and carrying a couple of duffle bags over his right shoulder as he approaches Stevens and J.Math. BRYTE (on his cell) You know that loss last week wasn't my fault! I'd have beaten that Rodez guy easily if it wasn't for Panther! YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE! STEVENS Hey, pal, do ya mind?! We're trying to do an int--OOPH! Bryte slings his bags into Stevens' stomach, knocking the wind out of him and causing him to double over in pain. He continues his phone conversation. BRYTE Listen, unc, I don't have time to argue with ya. I've got a very important interview that I'm late for! Ok...? Yeah...ok...Later! Bryte flicks his cell phone shut and folds it up into his pocket. JOSH Chris...Chris Bryte, what are you doing? BRYTE Yeah, sorry about that Josh, but you know how family can be sometimes. JOSH But...this interview... BRYTE Yeah, I know! I know! I'm late, and I apologize! I don't blame you for being upset. After all, you requested to interview me. JOSH Interview you?! BRYTE That's right, and I don't blame you. I mean, as dreary and dismal as this show has been, you people need me! You rely on me to add a little bit of BRYTENESS to your otherwise gloomy night, and believe me, Josh Matthews, I'm honored to oblige! By now, Stevens has gathered himself and begins to stand upright, huffing and puffing while shooting an INTENSE~ glare at Bryte. Bryte looks at Stevens and laughs. BRYTE Who's he? An extra? JOSH Um...actually, Chris... BRYTE (to Stevens) Look here, guy, if you're gonna be standing around here during MY INTERVIEW, at least try to make yourself look presentable! I mean...c'mere! STEVENS What the... Before he can object, Bryte whips out a blue "Chris Bryte" baseball cap and puts it on Stevens' head. He then reaches into his front pocket, pulls out a pair of black shades and puts them on Stevens. Bryte then takes a step back to admire his work. BRYTE Hmmm...yeah! There ya go! That's perfect! (Turns back to Matthews) Now onto MY INTERVIEW! Now last week-- Bryte stops midsentence when Stevens tosses the hat to the ground and snaps the shades in half. Bryte turns and looks at him in disbelief! BRYTE (Gasps) DUDE... STEVENS YOUR INTERVIEW?! YOUR INTERVIEW?! BRYTE "Interview" my foot! Those were $500 shades you just snapped! What the hell is the matter-- Suddenly, Stevens shoves Bryte to the ground, drawing a good-sized pop from the crowd. The Hand steps to Stevens, but is cut off as a host of officials rush onto the scene in an attempt to calm everything down. Bryte pulls himself back to his feet, and is fuming as he eyes Stevens. BRYTE You piece of trash! You have the nerve to put your hands on me?! WHAT THE HELL KINDA EXTRA ARE YOU?!?!?! JOSH Actually, Chris, he's not an extra! BRYTE Damn right he's not, because as of right now, he's fired! JOSH (laughing) FIRED?! BRYTE That's right! This is MY INTERVIEW and I want him thrown outta here right now! GET HIM OUTTA HERE! JOSH Chris, I'm afraid there's been some sort of mix-up. You see, this interview here wasn't scheduled for you...it was scheduled for Chris STEVENS! BRYTE ...Chris Stevens? Who the hell is Chris Stev...(points at Stevens) you mean HIM?! JOSH That's right! BRYTE That's ridiculous! I mean...c'mon! You mean to tell me that you'd rather interview this...STEVENS character instead of me, the Brytest star in all the OAOAST?! JOSH Um...w-w-well-- STEVENS That's exactly what he's saying, so why don't you and your Hand get the hell outta here?! BRYTE Hey, I'm not going a damn place! I'm star, damn it! I'm ten times more important than this Chris Stevens will ever be, and I will not take a back seat just so some jobber can run mouth on TV. STEVENS Hey! You'd better watch who you're calling a jobber! BRYTE Oh yeah?! THE HAND~! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~! Bryte and The Hand advance on Stevens, only to be held back by the officials. Bryte and Stevens shout obscenities at each other for a moment as officials do everything they can to control both men. Finally, one of the officials steps up and yells... OFFICIAL QUIET!!!!! QUIET!!!!! QUUUUIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEET!!! The commotion dies down as both Bryte and Stevens eye the official. OFFICIAL Enough of this crap! We've got enough going on around here without having to worry about the two of you being at each others' throats! If the two of you got a problem, then why don't you solve it in the ring?! BRYTE You mean you want me to wrestle him? (scoffs) I don't think so! I've got the night off and I am not stepping into the ring tonight...especially not against a nobody like him! STEVENS Aww, what's the matter, Bryte? Scared? BRYTE Of you?! Please! I could beat you any day of the week. STEVENS Then why don't you put your money where your mouth is? BRYTE Y-y-y...(deep breath) FINE! You want me?! You want a match, pal! Oh...you've got it! STEVENS Good! BRYTE Me and you, tonight! And I promise you, that I'm gonna kick your sorry ass! (starts to walk away) STEVENS Yeah...we'll see! BRYTE As a matter of fact... COLE Hey wait a sec-- *CRACK* Bryte brushes by the officials and darts at an unsuspecting Chris Stevens, only to be floored once more by a hard right hand! The crowd pops as Stevens looks down on Bryte, waving him on. As officials attend to Bryte, The Hand creeps up alongside Stevens, rears back and swings... *WHAM* ...BUT STEVENS DUCKS, and The Hand nearly decapitates Josh Matthews with a thunderous right hand. The officials once again step in between the two, with some holding back The Hand while others usher Stevens out of the area. Our focus then shifts to the floor, where Chris Bryte sits, seething in anger as he holds his bottom lip, which appears to be bleeding. BRYTE HIS ASS IS MINE!!!!! Bryte slaps the floor in frustrastion as we cut to...

I guess this is the last show before the PPV.

Abe's time has come to an end. I knew he wouldn't last long as DOA when he wasn't used in a comedic manner oh well. Speaking of comedy, Black T beating up Jim Ross was pretty funny.

Sorry about the Abe thing. I tried to do a little editing for you to make it seem like it had all been recorded earlier in the day, but with Triple C commentating during the segment, it wouldn't have made much sense. At first I was against having four singles titles on one show, but you've done a good job in making the Puerto Rican Title mean something and getting it to look as worthy as all the better belts. Good stuff. Nice to see Leon Rodez back. Having read a few of his SWF matches, I can tell you that KC's a pretty damn good writer.