Metal Ed

I'm pretty tied up with all the pain medication and tryin to do that big chick up to the Stop and Go. Plus, I got that eternal pact with Satan.

I ain't got nothing to say here.

They ain't Rock Box material. No way, no how.

Mysterio is on Smackdown. That little feller's quicker than greased lightnin, too.

Yeah, man. Chicks usually don't dig it when you eat a bunch of food unless they're eatin it with you. Most of my girlfriends have been pretty big, so I ain't had much of a problem. Plus, I don't got a lot of money. Old Country Buffet was the big girl up at Stop and Go's birthday present.

Me and that big chick from the Stop and Go went to the Old Country Buffet last week and pretty much cleared the tables. She was the real workhorse of the group and all, but Metal Ed held his own. I had a whole chicken, a bunch of mashed potatoes, two plates of greens, a full watermelon, six pounds of french fries, a pizza, fifteen cookies, and some of them gummie bears. They begged us to leave, dude. That mighta been on account of us gettin pretty rowdy after a twelve pack of Pabsts and me playin some Foreigner on the Rock Box, though. Either way, we ain't welcome back there no more.

^ Mexican

You break that town's name down, it's three syblables...Man. Ass. As. Huh huh! That's pretty bitchin'. Them people know how to rock, though, so Metal Ed ain't got no problem with them.

I don't have a beta player or nothing, either. My ma bought a video camera a couple years ago and we used to put tapes in that and watch 'em through the eye hole. Since I moved out, I ain't seen too many movies. I might see if I could watch that Triple H DVD down to the Circuit City, though. Metal Ed knows some pretty rockin' dudes up there that could hook me up.

I like that Triple H. He's pretty bitchin'. I tried to get my jacket like his, with the leather part over the denim part. It just made it all hot and I couldn't get through doorways. Still, I'd probably get this DVD if I had a DVD player or a VCR or something.

^ Pretty bitchin' dude. Big fan of Al Bower from "Married With Children."

Me and my buddy Matt were fightin for a little while there over this big chick up at the Wal-Mart. I think her name was Wanda. Matt thought she was diggin' him, but she was all making googly eyes at Metal Ed, dude. I could tell. I almost had to crack his skull when he scratched my Trans Am, man, but turns out she was a pretty cool chick and we did a three way. True story.

Quiet Riot- "Cum On Feel The Noize" I gave myself a migrayne bangin' my head to this, dude. Let Metal Ed give you a little metal ed.: Ain't nothin harder or heavier than Quiet Riot, man. These are some bitchin' dudes.

I ain't bought nothing in a while, but I did find those Dokken tapes in my dad's tape heap. Got me to bangin' my head pretty good. I got that Slayer album, too, from when my friend Matt let me borrow it. I ain't a purist like some of you, so I thought it was pretty bitchin'. My Rock Box didn't eat it or nothin and I was bangin' my head pretty good, so it was cool. It ain't no South of Heaven, though.

I'm comin' to get you, Guy. You might think you hear somethin in the distance...it might sound like the opening chords of "Sweet Child O' Mine" being played at maximum volume...and then you'll know it's time. Metal Ed could come at you from any direction. My Trans Am is a rockin' beast, a versatile whoop ass machine. It might come into play. You never know. I might look kinda funny on account of my head bein' bandaged up after the toaster incident, but I'm a dangerous sumbitch. I'm gonna crack your skull, Guy, just like that toaster cracked mine. You're gonna find out who the rockinest dude in Wausau is....the hard way.

Guy Stokes...Metal Ed is callin' you out!

Metal Ed

Metal Ed ain't that smart, specially after having that toaster fall on his head...but he knows a gimmick when he sees one.

Bitchin'

But, dude. It's me! Metal Ed!

Hey, dude. I know we're cool and everything, so when you do destroy all life could just leave Metal Ed, the big chick up at the Stop and Go, and my Rock Box. Oh, and Ronnie James Dio. That'd be so awesome.

This ENRON guy is pretty righteous. He don't take shit from nobody, just like Metal Ed. The rest of these guys are just jealous cuz we're so rockin', dude.

Hey, dude. Nobody insults rock music around Metal Ed, man. I strangled my Shop teacher for sayin something just like that. My ma likes raw beets, too, though. I bet you'd get along with her pretty well. I ain't feelin the same since that toaster fell on my head. The old Metal Ed woulda cracked your skull by now.

How you rockin' over there, dude?

DAMN! I told my ma I'd seen some of them zombies. She said I was knocked goofy from when that toaster fell on my head yesterday, but I knew I saw em. I'm grabbing the Rock Box and gettin in the basement, dude. This is some freaky shit. I didn't even get laid last night since that big girl weren't to the Stop and Go like I thought she'd be. I just gots to calm down, I guess. Metal Ed can't be killed. DAMN!